Vault: Woman Goes OFF on a Telemarketer!

Summary

---

The Bert Show: Vault - Woman Goes OFF on a Telemarketer!

Episode Theme:
A wild, over-the-top complaint call reveals the challenges and absurdities of working in telemarketing/customer service—sparking both shock and laughter among the Bert Show cast.

Date: March 9, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Team

---

Overview

In this episode, the Bert Show presents a jaw-dropping phone call between a furious woman and a telemarketing agent, highlighted as one of the most outrageous customer interactions heard on the program. Through edited clips, the hosts break down the call, discuss the insanity and emotional toll of dealing with such callers, and invite a call center manager to share her perspective and laughs.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Setting the Scene

• Jeff (host) describes receiving the call and how extreme and lengthy it was, trimmed from 9 minutes to about 3.5 minutes for the show.
  • Jeff: “This is about a third of it. And it was just as crazy throughout the whole thing.” (00:57)
• The caller, described as “crazier than the last one,” launches immediately into a tirade with little context or buildup.

2. The Call: Highlights of the Rant

• Caller’s Rage: The woman is enraged by repeated telemarketing calls, making escalating and bizarre accusations and threats.
  • Angry Caller: “It was to the point where I actually had an appendix rupture because of telemarketing calls.” (01:45)
  • She threatens legal action, suggests police are listening, and accuses the agent of “felony harassment.”
  • She threatens to find out and harass the agent’s family, involve social services, and ensure his taxes are audited:
    • “We will find out who all your female relatives are, and they will never, ever be off any list.” (02:46)
    • “You are a murderer. You're a hater. You're a life destroyer...You are worse than any terrorist.” (02:57)
• Escalation: The caller demands personal information, accuses the agent of being a “life destroyer,” and seems convinced of a conspiracy against her.
• Call Center Agent’s Calm: Despite the assault, the agent remains unflappable, at times responding almost cheekily.
  • Alex: “I hope they play this tape in court someday.” (04:33)
• Call Center Manager Dee: Later, a call center manager named Dee phones in, laughing at the absurdity and sharing empathy for her team and all customer service reps.

3. Hosts’ Reactions

• Entertained but Surprised: The team reacts with disbelief and humor:
  • “I really want to hear the beginning of that call because half the fun is listening to them just start taking off. Yeah, like on the crazy plane.” (05:20, Co-Host)
  • The hosts riff on the idea that the telemarketer’s new nickname will be “Life Destroyer” around the office. (05:43, Host Jeff)
• Commentary on Customer Service:
  • “The toughest job that you can have in this country is customer service.” (05:36, Co-Host)
  • Dee agrees, while adding that this particular call is exceptionally memorable.

4. Call Center Manager Dee’s Perspective

• Dee calls in and confirms that while tough calls are common, nothing compares to this level of vitriol and absurdity.
  • “I promise I'm not her...That one really takes it.” (06:42, Call Center Manager Dee)
• The segment turns playful as hosts jokingly urge Dee to repeat the “You hurt people for a living!” tagline from the original angrily caller.
• Dee requests the audio to share with her team, affirming the value of humor and solidarity in her line of work.
  • “My team is gonna die. You guys are the best. I appreciate you.” (07:50, Call Center Manager Dee)

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Caller’s Dramatic Claims:
  • “It was to the point where I actually had an appendix rupture because of telemarketing calls.” – Angry Caller (01:45)
  • “You are a murderer. You're a hater. You're a life destroyer...You are worse than any terrorist.” – Angry Caller (02:57)
  • “Your phone will never stop ringing. And your children's teachers will know what you have done.” – Angry Caller (03:38)
• Agent’s Dry Wit:
  • “I hope they play this tape in court someday.” – Call Center Agent Alex (04:33)
• Host’s Take:
  • “And then for the rest of your career at that company, your nickname is Life Destroyer.” – Host Jeff (05:43)
• Call Center Manager Dee’s Response:
  • “We have never had anything like that. That's a special one right there.” – Dee (07:45)
  • “My team is gonna die. You guys are the best. I appreciate you.” – Dee (07:50)

---

Notable Segments (with Timestamps)

• [00:57–05:18] - Main edited call: Angry caller berates telemarketer, makes threats, and agent stays calm.
• [05:20–06:17] - Hosts reflect on call, riff on “Life Destroyer” nickname, and debate customer service.
• [06:29–07:50] - Call Center Manager Dee calls in, laughs about the call, and celebrates her team’s resilience.
• [07:50–end] - Hosts and Dee joke around, echoing the phrase "You hurt people for a living!" for comedic effect.

---

Tone & Takeaways

• The tone oscillates between shock, dark humor, and camaraderie among people who work in customer service.
• The episode is both an exposé of the extremes faced by call center workers and a cathartic, humorous moment highlighting workplace solidarity.
• It’s a must-listen for anyone who’s ever worked in customer service—or survived a wild customer interaction.

---

“You hurt people for a living. You ruined their life. You are a murderer. You are a life destroyer. You are a sick, nasty human being.” – Angry Caller (05:58)

“That's a special one right there.” – Call Center Manager Dee (07:47)

---

Listeners walk away with sympathy for call center workers, laughter at the absurdity, and a memorable new phrase: “Life Destroyer!”

Transcript

[Narrator]

When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital system, they matter even more. Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays. That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery, so you can keep your facility stocked, safe, and running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done. Support is available 247 with VRBoCare. We're here day or night, ready whenever you need help. Because a great trip starts with the right support.

[Angry Caller]

Hey, the Birch Show.

[Host Jeff]

This is.

[Co-Host]

I mean, because this is a bold statement. Jeff emailed me and he said he's got somebody crazier than the.

[Host Jeff]

This lady

[Narrator]

always makes me take a jump back.

[Host Jeff]

This woman. I'm not even gonna set it up at all, other than to say where this begins is where the audio that I got began. So I don't know what happens at the start of it, but kind of listening. And this is edited down, the call that you're gonna hear that I think I got down to three and a half ish, was actually about nine minutes long. So this is about a third of it. And it was just as crazy throughout the whole thing. And hopefully I didn't edit the this out. Hopefully be able to deduce it from this as well. But she's obviously calling to complain because she has been contacted by telemarketers and she's very upset and she's threatening police action and legal action and bodily harm should these calls continue.

[Angry Caller]

Okay, so I need to talk to your lawyer. I just called my lawyer.

[Call Center Agent Alex]

What state are you from, ma'?

[Angry Caller]

Am? It doesn't make any difference. You don't get to ask me any questions. I was just abused. I can call you any swear name. I need your first and last name. And believe me, you. You. There are consequences. It was to the point where I actually had an appendix rupture because of telemarketing calls. It doesn't matter what state is illegal. You're an arrester, You're a hater. Her life desert. I need your first and last name. The police are listening.

[Call Center Agent Alex]

Okay, My name's Alex.

[Angry Caller]

What's your last name?

[Call Center Agent Alex]

I don't get my last name.

[Angry Caller]

Oh, geez. Then let me talk to your supervisor. The police are ready.

[Call Center Agent Alex]

Okay. I actually have my supervisor here. I can help.

[Angry Caller]

You broke a law. You did a. A felony harassment. You called my number. You don't have to give your Last name Alex.

[Call Center Agent Alex]

Not if I don't want to.

[Angry Caller]

You sh. Of a mother. Okay, so what, Alex?

[Call Center Agent Alex]

Are we really listening in on this?

[Angry Caller]

Okay, I need to know what. What is your tax number? We will find out who all your female relatives are, and they will never, ever be off any list. Do you understand?

[Narrator]

What?

[Angry Caller]

We will find out who, like Alex said that all of your female relatives. And then we will go to your teachers, your taxes will be audited every single year for the rest of your life. And will not even be a sergeant of the pain that you caused by your telemarketing. You nasty son of a. You are a murderer. You're a hater. You're a life destroyer. If every telemarketer, every number. There could not be private phone calls, people. People have hernias. Eruptor people's appendices. People cannot call their ambulances. You are worse than any terrorist. And we will find out. I will. I will go to my lawyer, the police.

[Call Center Agent Alex]

That sounds.

[Angry Caller]

You'll be on every. You want. Your phone will never stop ringing. And your children's teachers will know what you have done.

[Call Center Agent Alex]

Are you sure?

[Angry Caller]

You are a life destroyer. You are a terrorist. You are a pain maker. You are a murderer. You are a life destroyer. Nasty human beings. You deserve every pain known to man. If we find out your last name, there'll be charges brought.

[Call Center Agent Alex]

That sounds like a threat to me.

[Angry Caller]

Yeah, it's a threat. It's a legal threat. Compare what you've done to us now. Your family, any of them. If we will never, ever, ever, ever be able to have a normal listed phone number ever.

[Call Center Agent Alex]

Okay.

[Angry Caller]

That's okay with you?

[Call Center Agent Alex]

Yeah.

[Angry Caller]

Okay. Do you have any grandmother?

[Call Center Agent Alex]

Sure.

[Angry Caller]

They will never, ever, ever be able to have a normal phone number. That's okay with you?

[Call Center Agent Alex]

Yeah.

[Angry Caller]

You're lying. You. So you're saying that where you live, the phone never stops ringing and that's okay with you? Because that. That is one reason we can have social services go to your home.

[Call Center Agent Alex]

I hope they play this tape in court someday.

[Host Jeff]

Ma'.

[Call Center Agent Alex]

Am.

[Angry Caller]

So you're saying your phone never stopped ringing and your family doesn't care?

[Call Center Agent Alex]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Narrator]

Oh, no.

[Angry Caller]

Well, your wife will leave you.

[Call Center Agent Alex]

Believe me, I'm not married.

[Angry Caller]

We cannot win. You are worse than anything we're fighting in Iraq. You are an abuser. You are a haters who were all the answers for your company. You will all be audited. And if that's and be on every phone list. And if that's a threat, you hurt people. For a living. You ruined their life. You ruined homes. Nasty exorcist.

[Host Jeff]

Wow.

[Call Center Agent Alex]

Wow.

[Angry Caller]

Life Destroyer.

[Co-Host]

I really want to hear the beginning of that call because half the fun is listening to them just start taking off. Yeah, like on the crazy plane. Wow.

[Narrator]

That is insane. Yeah.

[Angry Caller]

She really might be mentally ill. That is nuts.

[Host Jeff]

I still think one call too many.

[Co-Host]

The toughest job that you can have in this country is customer service.

[Call Center Manager Dee]

Oh, telemarketer.

[Co-Host]

Telemarketer. Customer service. Like that.

[Host Jeff]

But don't you think that that right there is like Christmas morning? If you work in the office, like, don't you think you gather everyone around the cube and you play that back after it's called. And then for the rest of your career at that company, your nickname is Life Destroyer.

[Co-Host]

Serious.

[Angry Caller]

You hurt people for a living. You ruined their life. You are a murderer. You are a life destroyer. You are a sick, nasty human being. You deserve every pain known to man. Good God.

[Co-Host]

Wow.

[Angry Caller]

Off the wagon, is he?

[Co-Host]

We need to get the first part of that call, find out exactly what happened.

[Angry Caller]

I think it's going to be the

[Host Jeff]

same thing as Pay It Lady. We'll never be able to track her down. I hate calling her if we do.

[Co-Host]

Good morning, D. You are part of the Burt Show. Hi.

[Angry Caller]

Good morning. Good morning.

[Call Center Manager Dee]

I'm a manager in a call center, and I'm dying laughing at this call.

[Co-Host]

You actually sound like you could be her.

[Angry Caller]

No, no, no.

[Co-Host]

I mean, not. I mean, you don't sound crazy, but your voice sounds like. Like her.

[Call Center Manager Dee]

I promise I'm not her.

[Angry Caller]

You hurt people for a living. You ruined their life.

[Co-Host]

Say that for me.

[Angry Caller]

No, no. Oh, my God.

[Co-Host]

Say you hurt people for a living.

[Call Center Manager Dee]

I am not.

[Co-Host]

If you say you hurt people for a living, you ruin lives. And I will put this audio up online for 24 hours for you, because I know that's what you're calling for.

[Angry Caller]

What did you say? You hurt people for a living.

[Co-Host]

You hurt people for a living. You ruin lives.

[Call Center Manager Dee]

You hurt people for a living.

[Angry Caller]

You ruined lives. You hurt people for a living. You ruined their life.

[Co-Host]

I think you're right.

[Angry Caller]

It could be hers.

[Co-Host]

I can't think of a tougher job than what you have.

[Call Center Manager Dee]

Oh, it's great. It's awesome. I feel this every day.

[Angry Caller]

But that one.

[Call Center Manager Dee]

That one really takes it.

[Angry Caller]

So if you would put that online

[Call Center Manager Dee]

so that I could play that for my team today, I would appreciate it so much.

[Host Jeff]

How many times during a week do you gather everybody around to listen together to the recording of a call you just took?

[Call Center Manager Dee]

We have never had anything like that.

[Host Jeff]

That's a special one right there.

[Co-Host]

That really is.

[Angry Caller]

That.

[Call Center Manager Dee]

That. I'm. I swear, that is the best. I mean, I'm. I'm driving and I'm just crying, laughing, like, oh, my gosh, my team is gonna die. You guys are the best. I appreciate you.

[Co-Host]

Thanks, Dee. Have a good day.

[Angry Caller]

You, too.

[Call Center Manager Dee]

Bye.

[Co-Host]

That was her.

[Angry Caller]

You hurt people for a living. You ruined their life. Hey, the bird show.