Vault: Women Share Their Best Pick Up Lines - The Bert Show

The Bert Show: "Vault: Women Share Their Best Pick Up Lines"

Release Date: December 15, 2025
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show team

Episode Overview

This lively episode dives into the world of pickup lines from a fresh perspective: women! Often seen as a guy’s game, the show invites female listeners to call in and share their most memorable and effective pickup lines, flipping the script on the traditional dating dynamic. Between laughter, real talk, and unexpected stories, the Bert Show crew explores what works, what flops, and how women approach starting conversations with men.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pickup Lines Aren’t Just for Guys

The hosts share their surprise at how many women actually use pickup lines, challenging the stereotype that only men initiate with corny openers.
Quote [01:45]:
“I wasn’t even aware that y’all even used them.” – Bert

2. Women Call In With Their Best (and Funniest) Lines

"Pull My Finger" Proposal
- Caller Adrienne breaks the ice with a classic dad joke:
  “Yeah, I used pull my finger and it actually works... We’re getting married.”
  – Adrienne [02:20]
- The cast cracks up and acknowledges that humor works well on guys.
The Parmesan Cheese Gambit
- A caller describes flagging down a cute guy by pretending to ask for help checking if she had parmesan cheese on her face after leaving a pizza place.
  “Do I have Parmesan cheese on my face?” [03:10]
- She got his number, but, comically, lost it anyway, proving sometimes even successful lines don’t pan out.

3. How Straightforward Do Pickup Lines Need To Be?

The cast debates how direct women need to be versus men, agreeing that guys don’t need elaborate prompts—sometimes all it takes is a simple “hi.”
Quote [04:20]:
“All it would have taken was hi, though... That’s it? Yeah. We can’t—that’s too complicated for a guy.” – Cast banter

4. Classic Topics: Astrology & Compliments

The conversation turns to the habit of talk about star signs as a way to strike up a conversation, with light teasing about how guys would prefer if women were just more direct instead of small talk.
Quote [05:10]:
“Total waste of words. Just, hi, can I have your number? Just sit next to me.” – Bert

5. Misinterpretation and the Male Ego

Hilarious riffs on how men often misinterpret basic friendliness as flirting.
- Quote [06:00]:
  “I’m convinced every freaking checkout girl at Kroger’s hitting on me... She’s only talking to me because she’s getting eight bucks an hour!”
  – Bert
Guys are so eager for attention that bland social interactions are sometimes read as pickup attempts.

6. Pickup Line Stories From The Guys' Perspective

Chris calls in to share:
- He was approached by a woman who asked him to buy her friend a drink.
- The cast discusses how men would react if explicitly asked for a drink and agree they’d love directness.
- Quote [07:40]:
  “Would it be okay if a woman came up to you and said: Will you buy me a drink? Absolutely!” – Male cast members in unison

7. The Cell Phone Number Trick

Michael calls in:
- He and a friend borrowed a guy’s phone (who was with his girlfriend), saved their number, then told him later to call them if things didn’t work out. He did!
- Quote [09:20]:
  “He left her and called us and we still hooked up with him later that night. It was awesome.” – Michael
The hosts discuss variations on the infamous “missed call” pickup, with suggestions about programming names as “Hot Jeff,” etc. for future recall.

8. Is the Cell Phone Gambit Creepy or Clever?

Cast members debate whether using these phone number tricks is playful or invasive, agreeing women might feel creeped out if the roles were reversed.
- Quote [11:30]:
  “If a guy did that to me, I’d be freaked out that somebody got my phone number and I didn’t give it to him, especially my cell phone.” – Female cast member

9. Budweiser Creed Memorization

Caller Allison’s signature move:
- She recites the full Budweiser can creed to any guy drinking Bud, a routine she learned from her dad. She demonstrates live on air.
- Quote [13:30]: "This is the famous Budweiser beer. We know of no brand produced by any other brewer which costs so much to brew and age..." – Allison
- The cast is impressed; some joke that she probably just turned on half the male listeners.

10. Insightful Wrap-Up

The crew reflects on pick up tactics, admitting that sometimes relationships “start with a little deceit,” and emphasizing the fun, playful nature of pick up lines when used right.
- Quote [14:50]:
  “I gotta say, every single relationship starts with deceit in one way or the other.” – Bert

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

Adrienne’s “Pull my finger” story:
[02:20] “Yeah, I used pull my finger and it actually works... we’re getting married.”
Parmesan cheese opener:
[03:10] “Do I have Parmesan cheese on my face?”
Male ego riff:
[06:00] “I’m convinced every checkout girl at Kroger’s hitting on me.”
Direct ask for drink:
[07:40] “Would it be okay if a woman came up to you and said: Will you buy me a drink? Absolutely!”
Phone number trick:
[09:20] “He left her and called us, and we still hooked up.”
Budweiser Creed Recital:
[13:30] “This is the famous Budweiser beer...”
On relationship origins:
[14:50] “Every single relationship starts with deceit in one way or the other.”

Segment Timestamps

00:50 – Introduction, “pool of tar” eye comment, opening up the question to listeners
02:20 – Adrienne’s “pull my finger” story
03:10 – Parmesan cheese pickup story
04:20 – Simplicity vs. complexity in pickup lines
05:10 – Astrology/talking tactics
06:00 – Misinterpretation and male ego
07:10 – Chris’ story, direct drink requests
09:00 – Michael’s cell phone number gambit
11:30 – Debate: clever or creepy?
13:30 – Budweiser creed pickup
14:50 – Philosophical wrap-up on "deceit" in dating

Summary

This episode of The Bert Show masterfully flips the script on pickup culture, spotlighting women who take the first step and successfully (or hilariously) break the ice. Through listener stories and witty panel discussion, the crew dismantles gendered expectations, highlighting that sometimes, all it takes is humor, a dash of boldness, and a willingness to try—even if the parmesan cheese line is all you can think of. The camaraderie and relatable anecdotes make for an engaging, laugh-filled morning ride.

Transcript

A (0:00)

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That's why there's Jerry. Jerry's the only app that compares rates from over 50 insurance in minutes and helps you switch fast. With no spam calls or hidden fees. Drivers who save with Jerry could save over $1,300 a year. Before you renew your car insurance policy, do yourself a favor, download the Jerry app or head to Jerry. AI Acast. Listen, it's the Birch Show. It's kind of a known fact guys use pickup lines to break the ice. Yeah, I think the worst pickup line a guy ever said to me was he, look, I have brown eyes. And he looked in my eyes, and he said, your eyes are like. And he couldn't think anything for brown, so he said, pools of tar. I swear that was. Yeah, that was the best pickup line. You don't gotta be a bitch about it, lesbian. So we're asking women, what are the pickup lines that you use? Because I wasn't even aware that y' all even used them. Hey, Adrian, you're on all the hits, Q100. Hey, yeah, I used pull my finger and it actually works. I can see that. Working on a guy. We're getting married. Oh, that's good. That's clever. That's good. Thank you for calling. Oh, that's great. Morning. All the hits Q100. Hi. I was in Buckhead last Saturday night, and I just left Raised Pizza. And I was driving along, you know, on the streets, and I called this guy, this really cute guy over, and I had. And I Said. I said, oh, God, I have a really secret. A serious question to ask you. And he was like, what? And I was like, do I have Parmesan cheese on my face? And he, like, cracked up, and he was like, yeah, you got a wool right here. And he wiped it off, and I got his number, but I lost it. So just. Do I have. See how simplistic women have to be just to get it in? Do I have parmesan cheese on my face? All it would have taken was high, though. Hey. Hi. That's it? Yeah. We can't. That's too complicated for a guy. Here's a pickup line that'll work for you. Moto Times. I'm not. Hey, can I get your number? Girls usually start talking about. I used to start talking about astrological signs. So I'd be like, hey, Bert, you know, so what's your sign? And you'd be like, taurus. And I'd be like, oh, that's a real strong. You know, That's a real strong sign. You know, you just start, like, throwing, like, the. The compliments or whatever. Yeah. Total waste of words. Just, hi, can have your number. Just sit next to me. You don't even have to say anything. Just look at me sometimes. Just look at me like I'm a little piece of meat. Sometimes I'm in the grocery line and the woman behind me hits my heels with her cart because I didn't move up ahead because I was reading the tabloids. I think she's picking up. Hey, Chris, you're on all the hits. Q100. Hey, how you guys doing? Good, man. I had a girl approach me in a bar one time and asked me if I'd like to buy her friend a drink. Would you buy my. See? See? But as a guy, I would think that you really wanted me to buy your friend a drink. Yeah. And then I go over. What kind of pickup line is that? I told her, I said, why don't you tell your friend to come over and ask? You know, so would it be okay if a woman came up to you and said, will you buy me a drink? Absolutely. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Are you kidding me? Yeah. You know, I love that. It's funny how I do have to. Cause guys, really. I mean, it is easy, I guess, to pick up a guy because I have to be careful. Because if you're just friendly to a guy, they think it's easy to pick up a guy, I'm convinced, flirting with him, because I have to be careful with that, because I'll Be friendly with guys because I'm not trying anything and they'll totally misinterpret that. You know, I'm convinced every freaking checkout girl at Kroger's hitting on me. And she's only talking to me because she's getting eight bucks an hour to do so. Like, hey, are these Fuji apples or Macintosh? Oh my God, she wants me. Yeah. What she's saying and what we're hearing are two different things. That would be nice to hear the monologue going on in your head. Like every girl in my zip code digs me. It's hard for me to go out of the house. I hear what she's saying is, do you have your Kroger plus card? And what I hear is, God, I would love to take your pants off. Hey, Michael, you're on all the hits. Q100. Hey guys, what's up this morning? Hey man. Hey. Hey. We used the cell phone trick this weekend. Me and a friend of mine at the Compounds a new opening. It was awesome. We. We actually were picking up a guy there with his girlfriend and in front of her asked to use his phone. And he was like, sure. So we got his number in there. Later on through the night, we saw him away from her. We said, hey, look, later when you leave, if you're not feeling her, give us a call. He was like, how do I have your number? You know, give me your number. We like, it's in your phone. We already used it. He left her and called us and we still looked up with him later that night. It was awesome. Right there in front of her. She never even knew. Yeah, that's very bold. Your situation worked on a guy, but I don't know if that same situation will work. That's what I was thinking. A guy like we were just talking about how a guy will, you know, take advantage of a situation faster. Because I really think, and maybe I'm totally wrong, but I mean, it seems that Jen agrees that I just think I would be more protective of me and freaked out that somebody got my phone number and I didn't give it to him, especially my cell phone. The thing I saw this weekend in Hilton Head was this guy goes up to a woman and says, look, can I borrow your phone? Cuz my battery just ran out on mine. And she says, yeah, no problem. Well, he calls his own cell phone and then has her number stored in his missed calls. And then calls her back later in the week, whatever, and tries to get a date with her. See, and I just think that Would be creepy. I'd be like, oh, you freak, get away. I just thought of a great way to upgrade that same idea. Like when you borrow her phone to call your phone. Instead of doing that, program your own number into her phone on her phone, but precede it by hot. So, like, when you put your name in there, instead of just being Jeff, that's great. Hot Jeff. And she's gonna be like, oh, my God. One night I was out wasted. I met a guy named Jeff who was clearly hot because I labeled him Hot Jeff. Let me call him. See, that would work better because if the woman felt like she was in control and the one that put the number in, then she might be calling. But still, it's totally deceiving. How do you start a relationship from that? Who cares? Who cares at that? The guys are not looking for a relationship. They're looking for contact. I gotta say, every single relationship starts with deceit in one way or the other. True. Come on, now. It does. It does. It does feel like. I felt like Melissa was just hitting on me with that sentence. Hey, Alison, what's going on? Not much. I was calling the pickup line. What I'll do, I've memorized the Budweiser creed on the Budweiser can. And I will go up to a guy that's drinking Budweiser, take the can out of his hand and recite the whole creed to him. Now, as luck would have it, we actually have a Budweiser in here this morning because of something that happened earlier this morning. Yeah, go ahead and recite it. This is the famous Budweiser beer. We know of no brand produced by any other brewer which costs so much to brew and age our exclusive Beetroot. Aging produces a taste, the smoothness and a drinkability you will find in no other beer at any price. It's 100% accurate. You're damn right that would work. That's impressive. How many guys did she just turn on? Right now, right by doing that crack crash is coming into work. Way to do your homework, Allison. Thank you. My father taught it to me. He's a good man. He's a good man, that Daddy is. Have a good day. You too. Bye. 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