The Bert Show: "Vault: Women Share Their Best Pick Up Lines"

Release Date: December 15, 2025
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show team

Episode Overview

This lively episode dives into the world of pickup lines from a fresh perspective: women! Often seen as a guy’s game, the show invites female listeners to call in and share their most memorable and effective pickup lines, flipping the script on the traditional dating dynamic. Between laughter, real talk, and unexpected stories, the Bert Show crew explores what works, what flops, and how women approach starting conversations with men.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pickup Lines Aren’t Just for Guys

• The hosts share their surprise at how many women actually use pickup lines, challenging the stereotype that only men initiate with corny openers.
• Quote [01:45]:
  “I wasn’t even aware that y’all even used them.” – Bert

2. Women Call In With Their Best (and Funniest) Lines

• "Pull My Finger" Proposal
  • Caller Adrienne breaks the ice with a classic dad joke:
    “Yeah, I used pull my finger and it actually works... We’re getting married.”
    – Adrienne [02:20]
  • The cast cracks up and acknowledges that humor works well on guys.
• The Parmesan Cheese Gambit
  • A caller describes flagging down a cute guy by pretending to ask for help checking if she had parmesan cheese on her face after leaving a pizza place.
    “Do I have Parmesan cheese on my face?” [03:10]
  • She got his number, but, comically, lost it anyway, proving sometimes even successful lines don’t pan out.

3. How Straightforward Do Pickup Lines Need To Be?

• The cast debates how direct women need to be versus men, agreeing that guys don’t need elaborate prompts—sometimes all it takes is a simple “hi.”
• Quote [04:20]:
  “All it would have taken was hi, though... That’s it? Yeah. We can’t—that’s too complicated for a guy.” – Cast banter

4. Classic Topics: Astrology & Compliments

• The conversation turns to the habit of talk about star signs as a way to strike up a conversation, with light teasing about how guys would prefer if women were just more direct instead of small talk.
• Quote [05:10]:
  “Total waste of words. Just, hi, can I have your number? Just sit next to me.” – Bert

5. Misinterpretation and the Male Ego

• Hilarious riffs on how men often misinterpret basic friendliness as flirting.
  • Quote [06:00]:
    “I’m convinced every freaking checkout girl at Kroger’s hitting on me... She’s only talking to me because she’s getting eight bucks an hour!”
    – Bert
• Guys are so eager for attention that bland social interactions are sometimes read as pickup attempts.

6. Pickup Line Stories From The Guys' Perspective

• Chris calls in to share:
  • He was approached by a woman who asked him to buy her friend a drink.
  • The cast discusses how men would react if explicitly asked for a drink and agree they’d love directness.
  • Quote [07:40]:
    “Would it be okay if a woman came up to you and said: Will you buy me a drink? Absolutely!” – Male cast members in unison

7. The Cell Phone Number Trick

• Michael calls in:
  • He and a friend borrowed a guy’s phone (who was with his girlfriend), saved their number, then told him later to call them if things didn’t work out. He did!
  • Quote [09:20]:
    “He left her and called us and we still hooked up with him later that night. It was awesome.” – Michael
• The hosts discuss variations on the infamous “missed call” pickup, with suggestions about programming names as “Hot Jeff,” etc. for future recall.

8. Is the Cell Phone Gambit Creepy or Clever?

• Cast members debate whether using these phone number tricks is playful or invasive, agreeing women might feel creeped out if the roles were reversed.
  • Quote [11:30]:
    “If a guy did that to me, I’d be freaked out that somebody got my phone number and I didn’t give it to him, especially my cell phone.” – Female cast member

9. Budweiser Creed Memorization

• Caller Allison’s signature move:
  • She recites the full Budweiser can creed to any guy drinking Bud, a routine she learned from her dad. She demonstrates live on air.
  • Quote [13:30]: "This is the famous Budweiser beer. We know of no brand produced by any other brewer which costs so much to brew and age..." – Allison
  • The cast is impressed; some joke that she probably just turned on half the male listeners.

10. Insightful Wrap-Up

• The crew reflects on pick up tactics, admitting that sometimes relationships “start with a little deceit,” and emphasizing the fun, playful nature of pick up lines when used right.
  • Quote [14:50]:
    “I gotta say, every single relationship starts with deceit in one way or the other.” – Bert

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• Adrienne’s “Pull my finger” story:
  [02:20] “Yeah, I used pull my finger and it actually works... we’re getting married.”
• Parmesan cheese opener:
  [03:10] “Do I have Parmesan cheese on my face?”
• Male ego riff:
  [06:00] “I’m convinced every checkout girl at Kroger’s hitting on me.”
• Direct ask for drink:
  [07:40] “Would it be okay if a woman came up to you and said: Will you buy me a drink? Absolutely!”
• Phone number trick:
  [09:20] “He left her and called us, and we still hooked up.”
• Budweiser Creed Recital:
  [13:30] “This is the famous Budweiser beer...”
• On relationship origins:
  [14:50] “Every single relationship starts with deceit in one way or the other.”

Segment Timestamps

• 00:50 – Introduction, “pool of tar” eye comment, opening up the question to listeners
• 02:20 – Adrienne’s “pull my finger” story
• 03:10 – Parmesan cheese pickup story
• 04:20 – Simplicity vs. complexity in pickup lines
• 05:10 – Astrology/talking tactics
• 06:00 – Misinterpretation and male ego
• 07:10 – Chris’ story, direct drink requests
• 09:00 – Michael’s cell phone number gambit
• 11:30 – Debate: clever or creepy?
• 13:30 – Budweiser creed pickup
• 14:50 – Philosophical wrap-up on "deceit" in dating

Summary

This episode of The Bert Show masterfully flips the script on pickup culture, spotlighting women who take the first step and successfully (or hilariously) break the ice. Through listener stories and witty panel discussion, the crew dismantles gendered expectations, highlighting that sometimes, all it takes is humor, a dash of boldness, and a willingness to try—even if the parmesan cheese line is all you can think of. The camaraderie and relatable anecdotes make for an engaging, laugh-filled morning ride.