Vault: Would you walk away if someone spat on you?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: Would you walk away if someone spat on you?
Date: July 21, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid segment, The Bert Show crew dives into a heated debate sparked by a rumored altercation involving Lindsay Lohan. The team and their listeners discuss one of the most universally disrespectful acts—being spat on—and debate whether it's ever possible (or even acceptable) to walk away after such an incident. Real-life listener stories reveal a spectrum of reactions, from self-control to instant retaliation, while the hosts explore family dynamics, notions of respect, and hilarious banter about awkward “spitting” moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: The Ultimate Disrespect

• The rumor that inspired the segment (01:24–01:30): Lindsay Lohan allegedly tweeted that Samantha Ronson spit in her face.
• The hosts set the stage, framing spitting as a “game on” moment—immediately grounds for confrontation:
  • “Nobody walks away from a fight when you get spit. Even though you may know the person that spit in your face might be seven foot four... Doesn't matter.” (Co-Host & Guest, 01:36–01:42)
  • “If your spit is on my face, you've given me the green light to assault you.” (Caller/Guest, 01:47)

2. Listener Calls: Did You Walk Away?

Margaret’s Story: Family Betrayal (02:06)

• Margaret calls to say she walked away after her drunk 22-year-old daughter spat in her face during an argument.
  • “I stood there for a minute and I was like, you know, boy, I really want to go after her. But I was like, you know what, I just said? I can't believe that you spit in my face.” (Margaret, 02:12–02:23)
• Notably, Margaret’s younger daughter retaliated instead:
  • “My 16 year old daughter came flying around the corner and before we could do anything, she had already punched her [sister] in the eye and busted her lip.” (02:24–02:42)
• Margaret reflects on the long-term impact:
  • “To this day, awful. To this day I'm waiting on my moment.” (Margaret, 02:52)

Teacher’s Dilemma: Professional Self-Control (03:54)

• Connie, a middle school teacher, shares her restraint after a student spit in her face:
  • “I wrote him up. I walked away because I was going to hit him and wrote him up and he got a three day suspension. But wow, that wasn't worth it.” (Connie, 04:10)
• The hosts probe the difficulty of maintaining fairness after such an event:
  • “That'll turn an A into a C. That'll turn a C into an F real quick.” (Co-Host, 04:44)

Becky's Family Feud: A House Full of Spitters (04:53)

• Becky (voice disguised) admits to spitting in her stepmom’s face—a shocking moment of honesty:
  • “I spit a big old spit wad in her face, and my dad just sat over there, didn't do a single thing, and he just turned around and walked away.” (Becky, 05:04–05:16)
• The origin of this anger? “She called me an ungrateful kid...and I absolutely despise her.” (Becky, 05:29)
• Becky says even her brother has spat on the stepmom:
  • “And then my brother did it, too. So it's not just me that spit in her face.” (05:38)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On universal disrespect:
  • “Spitting in the face is something that just totally floors you, it's totally disrespectful.” (Margaret, 02:52)
• Dark humor about retaliation:
  • “If somebody spits in your face and you kill them, if you go in front of the judge, the judge going to go, oh, okay, I get it.” (Co-Host, 03:42)
• On family dynamics:
  • “If I spit in my dad's face, it would have been worse to spit in my mom's face than my dad's face. Cuz when dad came home it would have been way worse. He would have killed you.” (Co-Host, 03:32)
• On inherited behavior:
  • “We're just a house full of spitters. You know, spitting's been passed down. My great granddaddy, he was a spitter there. My granddaddy. It's in our DNA.” (Co-Host, 06:01)
• Comic relief on accidental spit:
  • “If we're having dinner together and you accidentally spit in my face over casual conversation, I may try to beat you up.” (Co-Host, 06:15)
  • “I don't want to embarrass you that you just stamped your food in my eye, so now I gotta wipe it. But, man, is this drop. I can't focus on one thing you're saying because there is some of your ketchup on my nostrils.” (Co-Host, 06:58)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:24–01:47: Discussion of the Lindsay Lohan rumor and the “game on” mentality about being spat on.
• 02:06–02:52: Margaret’s story of her daughter spitting and the family fallout.
• 03:54–04:48: Connie’s call about being spat on by a student and her professional restraint.
• 04:53–05:49: Becky’s admission of spitting on her stepmom—and her family's history with it.
• 05:51–06:58: Banter about family “spitting” traditions and awkward accidental spitting at the dinner table.

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Tone and Style

The conversation is unfiltered, peppered with the hosts’ trademark humor, sarcasm, and camaraderie. Real emotions surface as callers recall moments of disrespect and self-control, but the show’s light-hearted tone and playful back-and-forth keep the discussion engaging.

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Summary

This energetic episode of The Bert Show explores the explosive social taboo of spitting in someone’s face, using listener stories, laughs, and provocative hypotheticals to ask: Would you walk away? Most agree: it's almost impossible—unless your hands are tied by family, professionalism, or the hope of a righteous comeback... someday.

Transcript

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[Co-Host]

All right. So Jen was just telling us, you know, there's this rumor going around that what it was Lindsay Lohan tweeted that

[Caller or Guest 1]

Samantha Ronson spit in her face.

[Co-Host]

And I made the statement that, I mean, that is game on.

[Radio Host]

Yeah.

[Co-Host]

Nobody walks away from a fight when you get spit. Even though you may know the person that's spit in your face might be seven foot four.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Doesn't matter.

[Co-Host]

£384. You gotta go at him.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Yeah. It's a green light.

[Co-Host]

It's a green light.

[Caller or Guest 1]

If your spit is on my face, you've given me the green light to assault you.

[Co-Host]

Save that.

[Caller or Guest 2]

Unless you specifically went on Craigslist and looked for someone.

[Co-Host]

That's different. So I said, nobody's ever walked away from that fight. And the phone lines are lit up with people way stronger than we are.

[Caller or Guest 1]

I don't know if it's strength. Why'd you walk away?

[Co-Host]

Hey, Margaret. Good morning.

[Caller or Guest 3]

Hi. Good morning. How are you?

[Co-Host]

Good. All right. Somebody spit in your face and you walked away?

[Caller or Guest 3]

Yes. Actually, it was my daughter. She was 22. She came home one night. She had been drinking. I Said something to her about drinking and she just turned around and she said, I've never liked you anything. You're not a good mom. And she spit in my face. I stood there for a minute and I was like, you know, boy, I really want to go after her. But I was like, you know what I just said? I can't believe that you spit in my face. And at that time, my 16 year old daughter came flying around the corner and before we could do anything, she had already punched her in the eye and busted her lip.

[Co-Host]

Oh good. So at least somebody got her.

[Caller or Guest 3]

Yeah, but just spitting in the face of something that just totally floors you, it's totally disrespectful. And to this day, awful. To this day I'm waiting on my moment.

[Co-Host]

I'm stalking, waiting for the right time. As a mom, I would have let her turn around and start walking away. But then you got the hair pulling going on. Oh no.

[Caller or Guest 1]

You know the sucker punch in the back of the head. No,

[Caller or Guest 2]

I'm waiting on my time.

[Caller or Guest 1]

I mean, I'm just. Oh, I, I every, I'm imagining spitting in Millie Pete's face.

[Co-Host]

Oh my God. My mom or my dad.

[Caller or Guest 1]

I would never, I wouldn't be sitting, I would not be sitting here. And if I spit in my dad's

[Co-Host]

face, it would have been worse to spit in my mom's face than my dad's face. Cuz when dad came home it would have been way worse. He would have killed you.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Yeah. I, I feel like I'm about to die just thinking about it.

[Co-Host]

I think if you go in front of the judge, if somebody spits in your face and you kill them, if you go in front of the judge, the judge going to go, oh, okay, I get it.

[Caller or Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Co-Host]

You don't have to go to jail.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Why are you wasting my time?

[Caller or Guest 2]

Oh, you spitting your face, spitting your face. Oh, it's cool.

[Radio Host]

Never mind.

[Caller or Guest 2]

Okay, I get it.

[Co-Host]

Hey Connie.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Good morning.

[Co-Host]

You're on C100.

[Caller or Guest 3]

Good morning.

[Co-Host]

Hi.

[Caller or Guest 3]

I've had my face fit in. I'm a school teacher and I teach middle school and I had a middle school boy spit in my face and I couldn't hit him.

[Co-Host]

And you couldn't do anything about it?

[Caller or Guest 2]

No.

[Caller or Guest 1]

What did you do?

[Caller or Guest 3]

I wrote him up. I walked away because I was going to hit him and wrote him up and he got a three day suspension. But wow, that wasn't worth it.

[Co-Host]

Now Connie, I wish I would have known you were going to say that because I would have put you on the voice disguiser before I asked this question, but is it possible for you to be fair to that student in grade with grades after he does something like that?

[Caller or Guest 3]

Well, luckily for me, I don't teach him. He did it out in the hallway. I had stopped him for having a cell phone out. And luckily, I don't teach him because that really would have made it difficult.

[Co-Host]

Yeah, that's a deal breaker right there.

[Caller or Guest 3]

Totally.

[Co-Host]

That'll turn an A into a C. That'll turn a C into an F real quick.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Well, her hands were tied. I understand her hands were tied. That's literally why she couldn't hit him, because they were tied.

[Co-Host]

Here is Becky. Good morning. You are on the voice disguiser.

[Caller or Guest 4]

Good morning.

[Co-Host]

Guys, look, I thought we wouldn't get any calls on this. I thought nobody has ever walked away from somebody spitting it in their face from a fight.

[Caller or Guest 4]

Well, with mine, me and my stepmom got into it really bad. And, I mean, I spit a big old spit wad in her face, and my dad just sat over there, didn't do a single thing, and he just turned around and walked away.

[Co-Host]

Whoa.

[Caller or Guest 1]

I would have left him.

[Co-Host]

Deal breaker.

[Radio Host]

Yeah.

[Caller or Guest 1]

I would have left your family completely.

[Co-Host]

This was your stepmom?

[Caller or Guest 4]

Yeah, this was my stepmom.

[Sponsor Announcer]

What impulses you to spit on anybody?

[Caller or Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Caller or Guest 4]

What?

[Co-Host]

Why did you spit?

[Caller or Guest 4]

She called me an ungrateful kid. And I've been taking care of my dad for so long while him and my mom got divorced, and then he married her, and I absolutely despise her. And she just. I don't know. And then my brother did it, too. So it's not just me that spit in her face. My brother did it as well. And, I mean, she deserved what she said to us.

[Co-Host]

Sure.

[Caller or Guest 2]

Everybody does. Everybody doing it.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Hey, yeah, you're kind of ungrateful, kid. And you can't spit at me because you're on the phone.

[Co-Host]

That's a house full of spitters right there, man.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Who teaches their children to spit?

[Co-Host]

Seriously?

[Caller or Guest 1]

Me and my brother spit. Wow.

[Co-Host]

We're just a house full of spitters. You know, spitting's been passed down. My great granddaddy, he was a spitter there. My granddaddy. It's in our DNA.

[Caller or Guest 2]

Maybe they just. They just salivate a lot. They're a drooly family. They've got a lot. They use what they have.

[Co-Host]

You know, if we're having dinner together and you accidentally spit in my face over casual conversation, I may try to beat you up. You have one of those, like, gleeks that goes glee.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Gleek.

[Co-Host]

You pretend it's not there, but they know.

[Caller or Guest 2]

They spit it.

[Co-Host]

And you know, you spit it also

[Caller or Guest 1]

because you squinted when it happened, so you can't really.

[Caller or Guest 2]

Yeah. But for some reason, when that happens, why is it rude to wipe off your face?

[Co-Host]

You don't want to touch it?

[Caller or Guest 2]

No, I do.

[Co-Host]

I feel rudeness. Yeah.

[Caller or Guest 2]

If I'm talking, if I'm having a conversation with Burt and he acts and he's chewing something and he fires off a granola and. And I know it's in my hair or face or something, I don't want to offend him, but I've got his chewed up dinner, like, on my eyelash.

[Co-Host]

Why is it you?

[Caller or Guest 3]

Right.

[Caller or Guest 2]

Oh, I don't want to embarrass you that you just stamped your food in my eye, so now I gotta wipe it. But, man, is this drop. I can't focus on one thing you're saying because there is some of your ketchup on my nostrils.

[Co-Host]

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