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Birch Show Host
The Birch show just weird around the house the last couple of days. Like when you lose a pet like we did. I mean he's been in our family now for eight years and the I didn't realize it, but I guess you just train yourself in certain situations. Like my first thought in the morning now is I wonder if Kahuna's gone out. Which. Which I guess it's always been, but I didn't realize it because I have to catch myself going, you know what? Kahuna's not around anymore, right? Because last week we they found a tumor on our dog's liver and we had to put him down last week. Awful, awful, awful Week and just walking throughout the house, expecting to see him or in my office, because he's always in my office, like at my feet, just expecting to see him there. He's not there anymore, you know, or like the thoughts of I got to feed Kahuna, it's five o', clock, are still there, but there's no Kahuna. Or I walk back in the laundry room and that's where his bowls have been for the last eight years. And then the room just doesn't look right. It's just really, really odd, you know. So it's been a struggle the last couple of days, but I did get some emails over the last couple of days that threw me back. Because you do have to make a decision when you put your dog down like that. Once the dog is gone, at least in our case. I'm not sure how it works in other veterinarian offices. They see you all tore up and they just want to get you out of the office and go start the grieving process. So I'm assuming that Stacy made all of the plans with the vet of what we were going to do with Kahuna before we got in there. Because our vet, like, I don't even remember. Maybe he did. It's just such a fog that day that I don't even remember. But, you know, after he got injected and it was all over, we're both balling and the vet's just like, why don't you go out through the side door so nobody. You don't have to see anybody. You just leave. But we made the decision, or Stacy made the decision that we're gonna have his. Him cremated so we'll have his ashes somewhere in the house. I'm totally on board on all that. I don't know where we're gonna put them or whatever. I think you did that with your dog too, right, Phil? Phil still has the ashes of his basset hound. Have you done that?
Phil
Yeah.
Birch Show Host
You have?
Phil
Yeah. I was the one say. Yeah. I made the joke about how my animals ashes are in the closet. And it's.
Birch Show Host
That's right.
Phil
You know, there's a certain amount of time that you don't tell new people in your life. Like, I forgot how long it took.
Birch Show Host
For me to tell Katie.
Phil
Oh, yeah, and by the way, those urns you see there, those mole pads.
Birch Show Host
That'S an icebreaker. That is a definite icebre.
Melissa
That's a defining moment in your relationship.
Birch Show Host
Really? For sure. There are others.
Co-host or Guest
How many do you have?
Phil
Three.
Birch Show Host
Three.
Phil
Well, it's wild. It's one of those things where when you move so much and you're not in a permanent location, like, you know, your animals are sacred to you. I mean, for a lot of people, your pets are part of your family. And like, if you are not living, like when I grew up, every time a pet would die, then we would bury them in our yard. Well, I don't have a yard. A permanent yard I'm going to live in for 20 years. So once I'm in an established place, that's where I plan.
Co-host or Guest
Well, that's the Tennessee thing. Grandpa dies, you bury him in the air.
Birch Show Host
There's no room back there.
Phil
You prop him up in the rocking chair on the front porch.
Birch Show Host
Okay, well, there is a way to do that, actually.
Phil
Oh, God.
Birch Show Host
And I got a couple of emails from Birch show listeners that have done this themselves. And Jeff, I think your computer is faster than mine. Will you go to Pet Preservations? I will read directly from the website. The loss of a loved family pet can be one of the most tragic times in your life, and I can certainly attest to that. The decision you must take following his loss can be both difficult and confusing. For some people, burial is not an option. You may be limited by local regulations and may not have a pet cemetery in your area. You may live in an apartment or community. Don't go to the pictures page yet. Did you guys already go to the pictures page? Don't go to the pictures.
Co-host or Guest
Pictures on the front page. And that cat won't stop staring at me.
Birch Show Host
Don't go to the pictures page yet.
Co-host or Guest
The more I move around, the more she looks at me. I can't get her to stop looking at me.
Birch Show Host
Still off the website. Perhaps you know that you might someday move from your home and can't bear the thought of leaving your pet behind. Maybe you feel that burial is just not the right choice for you. Some people simply do not believe in the process of cremation. And there is an alternative, says pet preservations.com Pet preservation, also known as freeze drying, is the comforting alternative to your pet's burial or cremation.
Co-host or Guest
So you turn your dog into like dippin dots.
Birch Show Host
To what?
Co-host or Guest
Those dippin dot things that freeze dried ice cream.
Birch Show Host
I've never had them, so I don't know what that is.
Co-host or Guest
Yeah, freeze dried, but basically it's the.
Birch Show Host
Whole Weekend at Bernie's thing you're talking about says, take time to consider all of your options because only you can decide what is best for you and your pet. And then they have a frequently asked questions page what is freeze drying? Freeze drying is a method of preservation that removes liquid from a frozen object by vacuum. While remaining frozen, the object is able to retain its shape. The freeze drying continues until all the moisture is evaporated. Then it asks, why would I choose freeze drying over traditional taxidermy? Taxidermy cannot meet the needs of pet preservation, but essentially they're saying it's the same thing. So, you know, like when you walk into somebody's house and they have the head of the deer that they killed, what they're saying is you can do the exact same thing with any pet. A cat, a dog, a fish, a bird, anything. So when you walk into your house, so when you walk in your house, in my case, there's my English bulldog in any position that I choose to have him freeze in. That's where he would be every single day.
Phil
I'm just trying to imagine, like I said earlier, how long it took me to tell Katie that I had urns in the closet of pets. What if she walked into my house?
Melissa
Oh, what a cute little dog.
Phil
Well, actually, it was my dog, but I mean, yeah, no, you can do that.
Co-host or Guest
So technically, you could, if you had this done, you could just set Kahuna on a skateboard and still walk them.
Birch Show Host
You could do that. You could do anything you wanted. One of the frequently asked questions is, what position will you put my pet in? And the answer is, we request that you send a photo of your pet. When you send them to us, you may also include any description that you think may be helpful to ensure the things are done exactly as you wish. All photos will be returned.
Co-host or Guest
What would happen if you sent a picture of, like, you know, the funny picture of your Jack Russell terrier humping somebody's leg?
Melissa
That's exactly what you would do.
Phil
Yeah.
Co-host or Guest
And then when people come over, you just take the dog out and sit. Dude, what are you doing?
Birch Show Host
I tried to get both Birch show listeners that emailed me about this website that have done it themselves to come on with us, and they wouldn't come on.
Co-host or Guest
We just clicked photos by the.
Birch Show Host
Oh, no, look at the photo.
Phil
Because now there is cloning. You can clone your animal. There's services in which if you don't want to let it go, but of course it would be a different dog, even though it looked the same, but. And now this. I just feel like it's. There's, you know, death is a part of life and your pet dies. And you know that going in, they don't live as long as a human. You just gotta Let it go.
Birch Show Host
Look at that.
Phil
Would you do that with a human?
Co-host or Guest
Melissa, come over here.
Melissa
Okay. It's really get it with the bird.
Birch Show Host
No way.
Melissa
I think that the bird wouldn't be that bad.
Birch Show Host
Yeah. All those animals are. Look at that.
Phil
Which one looks like it had the same where when it died?
Birch Show Host
Which ones are you guys looking at? Which pictures?
Co-host or Guest
I don't know.
Phil
Looks like it's asleep and it's up. Yeah.
Co-host or Guest
I don't understand if this is a.
Melissa
Pig on the rug, like standing at attention.
Co-host or Guest
Who stuffs a guinea pig? Like, just go buy a new one. I think I like if one is like, if I had hamsters that died, I'm convinced my parents would just go to the pet store and swap them out.
Phil
The thing that bothers me is that parents who will. Melissa, look at this one saying this is for my child because the child is upset. That child's gonna be on a psychiatrist couch in the future.
Co-host or Guest
I like to call them and say I've got a betta fish that I really like.
Birch Show Host
There's one picture of a dog that's laying outside. And I guess you just walk outside and there it is on your death.
Melissa
Yeah, that's a dead dog. Oh my God, that is weird.
Birch Show Host
Hey, Michelle.
Co-host or Guest
And like, like if they're gonna. They take the picture of this dog, why can't they just put him all the way on the doggy bed? Like he's half fallen off, like.
Melissa
Like he's dead.
Birch Show Host
My dead dog looks dead. Hey, Michelle. Good morning. You're on Q100.
Caller
Good morning. It's one thing to, you know, freeze dry or stuff your pet. It's another thing to take cremation into your own hands. One of my neighbors decided to put Kitty in the chiminea one afternoon. The whole neighborhood comes outside and you know, she comes outside, oh, I'm sorry about the smell. But the cat died and while we put him in the chiminea so that way we could, you know, go ahead and cremate him.
Birch Show Host
Are you freaking kidding me?
Caller
They have two kids.
Phil
I mean there are and they have two kids now.
Birch Show Host
Did they all like, I don't know, kind of like huddle around it and they all had like a ceremony.
Caller
They do have a privacy fence, thank God.
Birch Show Host
Oh my God.
Caller
That's a witness the cremation. But you know.
Birch Show Host
Terrible.
Caller
God, Kitty's in a better place.
Birch Show Host
I don't know if that's. Well, with that family, you're probably absolutely right. Oh, hey, Angie. Good Morning. You're on Q100. Hey.
Caller
Hey. A girl That I used to work with her mom had one of those little pet monkeys like Ross used to have that sat on your shoulder, that little. Whatever the monkey is. And they've had it for 15 years in the outside freezer waiting to do what you're talking about. I don't know what they're waiting on. I don't know why they're going to do it, but they have the monkeys still in the freezer.
Birch Show Host
That's. That's absolutely accurate. Because if you go to this website, they say if you're considering this, the first thing that you need to do is put your animal on ice before you ship it out to Colorado. And you can check this out. It suggests that you Fed exit after it's been on ice. You get together with FedEx and you send it out to Colorado. You got to call FedEx up and go, I got a dead. I got a dead dog. My dog Kahuna and I need to get it out to Colorado. And FedEx, I guess, will do it for you. They'll show.
Co-host or Guest
Now let me ask you a question, and I won't use Kahuna as the example, but pretend we all have animals. Okay?
Phil
Couldn't do that to Toby.
Co-host or Guest
Okay, so let's say that something, you know, tragic happened to one of our animals and we have to put our animal in the freezer. Like, do you have to get rid of all the food that's in the freezer at the time? Or are you.
Phil
I think it's one of those freezers you put in the. In the garage. Like one of those where you hang all. You put your dog. That's awful.
Co-host or Guest
That's what I'm saying. Like, does it go outside? Like in the.
Birch Show Host
I'd imagine you keep it in the garage somewhere.
Melissa
One box of baking soda is not gonna do it for keeping those up.
Co-host or Guest
But like, like what if.
Melissa
Like what if you not gonna do it?
Co-host or Guest
Are cooking dinner and when you reach into the freezer, you've got to move your cocker spam to the side to get to the pork chops you're gonna thaw.
Phil
Now imagine again the scenario. Katie comes our first dinner, and she goes in the freezer and there's my dog. Uh, that relationship's not gonna last.
Melissa
Buh.
Hers Healthcare Advertiser
Bye.
Co-host or Guest
Or what happens if you put the dog in the freezer to save up the money to get this preservation done and you just can't earn the money and you just become used to it. And so every time you go to get.
Melissa
Or wait, you gotta get it out of there before Your power goes out and it starts thawing.
Birch Show Host
I mean, there it is in the freezer right next to all, like the chunky monkey ice cream. You gotta go right around the dog.
Phil
Oh, just let it. Let it go.
Birch Show Host
Hey, Amanda, good morning. You're on the Q100.
Caller
Hey, good morning, guys. The guy who actually does this was on one of those evening news shows one time, I think it was Dateline or something. And he makes so much money doing this. And the people who come to pick up their animals, a lot of times he'll put them in this glass cage and they'll take the animal home in this glass cage and literally, like, sit it on their dresser.
Birch Show Host
Yeah. The one thing you can always count on is you will make money off of people that have kids and people that have animals. So I'm sure this guy is rolling in bank.
Co-host or Guest
What if you've got the animal in your freezer, right? And you. And you try to do the right thing so you take all the food out. You're like, I can't have this. I can't have, you know, my.
Phil
With a big dog, I could put Toby in the freezer.
Co-host or Guest
I can't have Fluffy in there with, you know, my ground turkey that I'm saving for, you know, whatever. So I take all the food out, but then I'm barbecuing and I burn myself. Do I actually, you put the cat on my burn Fluffy.
Melissa
Simmers you down, right?
Birch Show Host
Hey, Vicki. Good morning. You're on Cuba.
Co-host or Guest
I don't have an ice pack, but I've got a Chihuahua.
Caller
This lady that used to work with my dad when her dog died, I guess they put it in one of those bags that you can suck the air out with a vacuum.
Phil
Yeah, yeah.
Caller
And they stuffed it in a cooler and buried it in the backyard. That way every time they move, they can dig up the cooler and take the dog with them.
Phil
Oh, my God.
Birch Show Host
A vacuum sealed bag in a cooler. Yep.
Caller
And they bury it. And every time they move, they dig up the cooler and bring the dog with them wherever they go.
Melissa
That's creepy.
Co-host or Guest
Hey, I found some more pictures.
Melissa
Oh, no.
Phil
Even before this freeze dried thing, I remember as a kid, my parents.
Grainger Advertiser
Much.
Phil
Older than me and Roy Rogers apparently had a horse. You know, he was famous for whatever. He had his horse stuffed.
Co-host or Guest
He had.
Phil
And then this is before the freeze drive thing. So I don't know how they did it, but like his pet horse is still.
Co-host or Guest
He had stuff. He had a taxidermist. It's in a museum somewhere.
Birch Show Host
They'll only do it now for up to pets that are 150 pounds, I guess. But I mean, imagine calling up FedEx going, hey, I've got a dog here.
Phil
Got 150 pounds of big dog.
Birch Show Host
140 pound dog that you can FedEx on out to this guy if it's on ice.
Co-host or Guest
So technically you could have Nicole Richie freeze dried since something happens.
Birch Show Host
Oh, yeah, twice over.
Co-host or Guest
As long as you get her into the freezer quick enough. Okay. May I read from the. From a letter.
Phil
Oh, no. Oh, God. This is the pet owner that's written into the company.
Birch Show Host
This is like a testimonial.
Co-host or Guest
Yep.
Phil
Oh, God. Okay, wait, wait. Yeah, bring the music down because this way, you know, because this is heartfelt.
Birch Show Host
Yeah, I can find the sad music for you. Hold on.
Melissa
Can you do it, like stand up?
Birch Show Host
There we go.
Co-host or Guest
I'll tell you, I'm not gonna read the whole thing, but I'll tell you. This is a story of a. Of a Pomeranian. He was very, very cute, all black and fluffy, with the biggest dark brown eyes. Everyone wanted to pet him, but he wouldn't let anybody touch him. Except for my mom and dad. Tiny as he was, he was the boss. We had a Chow Chow and two other big dogs, and they always obeyed him. But he had a lot of health problems and on March 3rd, he passed away. My parents were devastated. So I put the Pomeranian in the freezer and sent him overnight to Colorado. Four weeks later, I received him back. I called my parents and let them know that the box had arrived. They came over, picked up their little doggie. When we first opened it, it was very scary because he looked just like he was alive. My mom started to cry. My dad was silent.
Phil
They were in. Fears were glass.
Birch Show Host
They were blinded with fear.
Co-host or Guest
They picked up their doggy and took him home. I promised my parents I would find them somebody who would do this for them. And they disowned me. For some reason, the guy's name is deleted. I felt that he really, really did care. So much so that they were ready to turn their baby over to him. And now they have Perseus back. Thank you very much. Pet preservations.
Phil
Perseus. The Pomeranian is theirs forever. That is so sick.
Hers Healthcare Advertiser
What is it?
Birch Show Host
Petreservations.com yeah. And we will not be linking up from all the hits.
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Of what you need.
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Date: November 17, 2025
Main Host: Bert (Birch Show Host)
Co-Hosts/Guests: Phil, Melissa, Others
Call-in Listeners: Michelle, Angie, Amanda, Vicki
This episode takes on a topic straddling the lines between strange, heartfelt, and darkly comedic: what do you do with a beloved pet after they pass away? The crew discusses the traditional routes of cremation and burial, then dives deep into the bizarre world of pet freeze drying and preservation. Through personal anecdotes, listener emails, and live caller stories, the hosts explore society's attempts to keep pets close—sometimes uncomfortably so—after they're gone. The tone is characteristic of The Bert Show: funny, unfiltered, sometimes irreverent, but never mean-spirited.
| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | Notes | |:----------:|----------------------------------------|--------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:33-04:41 | Grieving Kahuna & pet cremation | Bert’s experience and Phil’s urn closet | | 04:41-08:31 | Freeze-drying revealed & explored | Live web research, FAQ hilarity, theory-crafting | | 09:41-10:30 | Michelle’s chiminea cremation story | Listener call — neighborhood horror | | 10:38-12:45 | Pets in freezers, logistics & humor | Angie’s monkey, freezer jokes, practical nightmares | | 12:56-13:19 | Pet freeze-drying as a business | Amanda’s call; Dateline reference | | 14:05-14:28 | Moving with a vacuum-sealed corpse | Vicki’s call, macabre mobility solution | | 15:18-17:12 | Email testimonial: Perseus the Pomeranian | Emotional reading, awkward reactions |
This episode of The Bert Show captures the odd, touching, and sometimes hilarious extremes of pet aftercare in modern America. Whether it’s traditional cremation, freeze drying, or DIY attempts, the ways we try to hold onto our pets after death are as varied as they are weird. Through laughter, empathy, and a little incredulity, the hosts explore just what we’re willing to do for the ones we love—even when the ones we love are no longer with us.
For the full experience (minus undead bulldogs and freezer surprises), listen to the original episode.