B&T Extra: Alli Breen with Sexy Time

Summary

Podcast Summary: The BOB & TOM Show Free Podcast Episode: B&T Extra: Alli Breen with Sexy Time
Release Date: May 29, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of B&T Extra, hosts Bob and Tom welcome their guest, comedian Patrick Keane, and bring in special advice from Alli Breen, their resident relationship guru. The segment focuses on addressing listener-submitted letters revolving around romantic and interpersonal challenges, all under the theme of "Sexy Time."

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Guest Introduction

[04:00]
Bob and Tom introduce Patrick Keane, highlighting his comedic background and his connection with the hosts from previous encounters in Los Angeles. They also reintroduce Alli Breen, emphasizing her role in providing insightful and humorous advice to listeners seeking relationship guidance.

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Letter 1: Dog Kissing Dilemma

[09:43]
Listener's Concern:
A listener writes about his girlfriend who kisses her dog on the lips before kissing him, claiming, "If I don't love my dog, I don't love you." This has caused discomfort for him, and he seeks advice on how to address the issue without causing conflict.

Alli's Advice:
Alli suggests practical solutions such as carrying moist towelettes to wipe down his girlfriend’s face before she kisses him. She humorously dismisses the possibility of tolerating the behavior, emphasizing the importance of personal boundaries and hygiene in a relationship.

Notable Quote:
Tom [09:48]: "That dog licks buttholes. And she tells me, if I don't love her dog, I don't love her."
Alli [10:26]: "Don't let your dog lick your face. Do people do that?"

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Letter 2: Sexual Injury and Relationship Strain

[12:29]
Listener's Concern:
A listener shares that during an intense sexual encounter, he believes he has injured his penis, resulting in a noticeable bend. He is concerned about the implications for his relationship and seeks medical and personal advice.

Alli's Advice:
Alli acknowledges the seriousness of the situation, referencing the medical term "Peyronie's disease." She advises the listener to consult a healthcare professional for proper diagnosis and treatment, highlighting the importance of medical intervention in such cases.

Notable Quote:
Alli [12:36]: "He said it used to be straight. Now it literally has a bend in it. It still works, but it has an angle."

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Letter 3: Paternal Responsibility During Paternity Leave

[14:04]
Listener's Concern:
A listener expresses frustration that his husband, who is on three months of paternity leave, is not assisting with household duties or baby care. Instead, he indulges in playing video games, leaving the wife to manage the household and baby alone.

Alli's Advice:
Alli empathizes with the listener, pointing out the need for equitable sharing of responsibilities. She humorously suggests tactics like changing Wi-Fi passwords or hiding video games to encourage her husband to participate more actively in household chores and baby care.

Notable Quote:
Bob [15:11]: "Maybe he's not the real father. Maybe he's going, hey, look, I'm not taking care of this guy for a paternity test that goes over."
Alli [15:56]: "He needs to pitch in while you're there."

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Letter 4: Hygiene Issues with a Boyfriend

[17:00]
Listener's Concern:
A female listener writes about developing a rash after spending nights at her boyfriend's house. She discovered the cause was his failure to change bed sheets regularly. Despite providing an extra set, he neglected to maintain proper hygiene, making her feel like she's acting as his mother.

Alli's Advice:
Alli recommends straightforward solutions such as establishing a routine for changing bed linens and communicating the importance of hygiene in maintaining a healthy relationship. She also humorously suggests natural consequences like keeping one's back off the sheets to deter the boyfriend from neglecting his responsibilities.

Notable Quote:
Tom [18:05]: "Josh's solution is to keep your back off the sheets."
Alli [17:54]: "He has to change the house at least."

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Letter 5: Concern Over Father's Romantic Choices

[19:05]
Listener's Concern:
A listener is worried about her widowed father's habit of inviting younger women to accompany him on cruises. She fears he might attract gold diggers aiming to exploit his financial stability and is unsure whether to intervene or allow him to continue his social ventures.

Alli's Advice:
Alli advises giving the father the benefit of the doubt, suggesting that he might simply be seeking companionship rather than financial gain. She emphasizes the importance of trust and communication, encouraging the listener to support her father while remaining vigilant without making the situation awkward.

Notable Quote:
Bob [20:00]: "Let him have fun."
Alli [19:29]: "Give your dad the benefit of the doubt that he's not gonna let some woman just steal his money."

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Humorous Banter and Additional Insights

Throughout the episode, Bob and Tom engage in lighthearted discussions about personal appearances, specifically focusing on Tom's new glasses. They joke about OnlyFans content, humorous takes on relationship dynamics, and the challenges of maintaining personal boundaries in romantic relationships. Their playful interactions provide a comedic backdrop to Alli's earnest advice, balancing humor with genuine support for listeners' concerns.

Notable Quote:
Tom [05:40]: "I was going to say it wasn't Halle Berry."
Bob [07:06]: "Real panty Lifter Tom makes me hot."

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Conclusion

The episode wraps up with the hosts encouraging listeners to reach out to Alli Breen for more relationship advice and promoting their VIP podcast for an ad-free experience. They also briefly mention upcoming content related to MLB star Sean Casey, blending sports enthusiasm with personal development themes.

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Key Takeaways

• Communication is Crucial: Addressing relationship issues requires open and honest dialogue, coupled with practical solutions.
• Equitable Sharing of Responsibilities: Both partners should contribute to household duties and caregiving to maintain a balanced relationship.
• Trust and Support: Trusting partners to make good decisions, especially in sensitive areas like romantic pursuits, strengthens familial bonds.
• Humor as a Coping Mechanism: Using humor to navigate and alleviate relationship tensions can be effective in maintaining a positive dynamic.

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For more insights and comedic relief, subscribe to The BOB & TOM Show on your favorite podcast platform.

Transcript

[Bob]

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[Tom]

I'm not into older guys, but I'm.

[Bob]

Flatter a new comedy series. Stick, I don't want to go on this trip. Your mouth saying one thing but those eyes are saying something else. From the home you see your shot at redemption. This is your mulligan, Owen Wilson. This game takes and it takes. The game's finally giving me something back. Stick. You know Arnold Palmer iced tea, lemonade.

[Tom]

Mix it.

[Bob]

I'm missing a nap for this. Streaming June 4th on Apple TV. Welcome back. It's another Bob and Tom extra. This is Christopher. Not only is the Bob and Tom show live every weekday morning, but every afternoon we'll give you a little extra in case you missed anything. Coming up on today's big show, Ally Breen with sexy time. It's coming up in just a minute. Welcome to AutoZone. What are you working on today? My car is making this noise. Sometimes it's like. And sometimes it's like. Do you have a dash light on? Oh, yeah. And we don't have to listen for clues. With the free fix finder service, we can read a check engine, ABS or maintenance light to find the likely fix and even recommend a local shop if you need one. So you don't need to hear the not with fix finder. Everything you need nothing you don't get in the zone. Auto zone restrictions apply. Let's dance and weigh you down still rust there on the ground Chill we'll just up and fall Silver ain't worth its weight in gold My baby, she's platinum all the other fellas getting on home runs I'm platinum my baby she's platin pearl look better with platinum diamond better with platinum Ruben look better with platinum I'm dripping in platinum she is the nexus her moose perfectionist in Lawson, Texas Gulf stream in Lexus she's ultra pilots she likes a kind of love or what you do with those handcuffs Ain't none of your business, my baby, she's black now all the other fellas getting on all wrong Sound bad she's black Platinum look better with platinum diamond, better with platinum look better with platinum I tripping in platinum My favorite She's platinum I never seen her give a bad one Home runs, I'm fat, my lady Platinum all the y' all are feathers getting up Home run sound, you asked for it, you got it. More Bob and Tom. This is Bob and Tom. Extra Patrick Keane is our guest. It's nice to see you, Patrick. We're gonna go via satellite to New York City, I think, and. Well, this is. Oh, that's interesting. I like it. I'm not sure what I'm seeing there. It looks like Jason's computer. Been doing your taxes. Oh, this is Allie Breen with the librarian look. Oh, what's up? Yeah.

[Tom]

Exactly. Going for some glasses.

[Bob]

Egghead. Egghead. You look like Catwoman during the day. Yes. Selena Kyle, the Scandinavian Catwoman. You're obviously. Sure. Very blonde. Very. Yeah. Do you.

[Tom]

I was going to say it wasn't Halle Berry.

[Bob]

Catwoman. Right. It's just a dangerous territory for the. Michelle Pfeiffer. Yeah. Do.

[Tom]

Oh, right.

[Bob]

Do you ordinarily wear contacts? I don't care.

[Tom]

No, I just got glasses, though, and I'm trying to wear them. I love, because. Do you like that? I don't know if I went to New York with, like, the thick rims.

[Bob]

The only question I had, Ali, is, why didn't you get the big ones? Oh, they know. Exactly.

[Tom]

They're huge.

[Bob]

Thank you. Did Woody Allen put up a fight when you rip those? But it was a good choice. Okay. It was a good choice getting the fake nose with them. Okay, let's just move forward. Oh, my gosh. No, they look. I think they look great.

[Tom]

I'm gonna get some other ones because they're so expensive. I just found out about Warby Parker, where you can get some cheap ones, so I'm gonna try to get some. Like.

[Bob]

They're not that cheap.

[Tom]

Oh, they're not that bad. Compared to the regular. They only show. You like glasses. It's ridiculous.

[Bob]

You can do the thing where you're the librarian and your hair is kind of back and take the glasses off and shake your head and take your shirt. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. Haven't we told you about describing sexual situations on the air? No one enjoys it when you do that. Sorry.

[Tom]

There's someone out there. There's one person.

[Bob]

Real panty Lifter Tom makes me hot. We could be semi clad now. How long have you been wearing the glasses?

[Tom]

I just got them like two weeks ago and I'm just starting to wear them.

[Bob]

Are you worrying?

[Tom]

They're just reading, really? So it's like just below. It's progressive.

[Bob]

Okay.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Bob]

Well, I don't care what your politics are. The. Have you worn them in bed yet? Why would you wear.

[Tom]

I have not worn them in bed. Do people do that?

[Bob]

You want to get. You want to get an eyeful if you know who. How close is that thing gonna get to me? I wear mine. You wear your glasses in bed? I take them off half the time. I'll say, okay, you put them on.

[Tom]

When something important's about to happen.

[Bob]

Things I want to see happening. Yes. Really? Yeah. You make the consciousness I need to look at this. Yes. You reach for the glasses. I do. Is that right? Do you have one of those chains around your glasses so that if you have to get back, get a look, see, you can fly them back on. Ally, all of my teachers had those glasses on, the chains. Oh, yeah, I have those for my sunglasses. I bet you do there, grandpa. No, it's a. It can. Convenient. Is that right? Hey, you get your sunglasses on, you can pop them back. Sometimes they fall and you don't lose them. And all I did was I mistook the gas for break. And the next thing you know, I'm in the produce department in the car. This is like a. This is like a Clark Kent Superman thing. You're kind of in disguise with those on.

[Tom]

Is it really different?

[Bob]

I just noticed those look like those gag glasses you get when you're a kid that are wider than your face. They don't.

[Tom]

Too big.

[Bob]

They're not too big. They really are what you put your glasses on for. Josh. Hey, do you know. Do you know our guest? Ally, we have a great guest in the studio. Terrific comedian. His name is Patrick Keane. Have you ever seen Patrick on the streets of New York?

[Tom]

I feel like we've run into each other, but I feel like maybe it was L. A. You're in New York?

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah, I think. I think it was L. A. Where we've crossed.

[Tom]

Yeah, yeah, I think so too, a while ago. Good to see you.

[Bob]

Likewise. Good. We found out they just had a torrid love affair right now.

[Tom]

There's some real bad blood between.

[Bob]

Banged it out on the Bay Bridge. Wouldn't be the first time we've had done that on this. Okay, Patrick, I'll explain how this works. People take the Time and trouble to write about their love troubles. To Ally. A L L I B R E E N. I spell it out because that's how you find her on social media platforms. Poor bastards. And then she reads us the letters and we help. Yeah, yeah, that's right. We help. We try to. Okay, so do the Lord's work. Give us a sample. Please, please.

[Tom]

Dear Ally, my girlfriend kisses her dog on the lips and then goes to kiss me without washing her face.

[Bob]

No, no, no, let's leer it out.

[Tom]

That dog licks buttholes. And she tells me, if I don't love her dog, I don't love her.

[Bob]

I don't care what we do the rest of the morning or the rest of the week. Let's not forget this moment. Okay? That's my favorite band that. That dog licks buttholes. I don't think we should. All right, hold on. What else? Nobody loves their dogs more than I do, but I don't let them lick my face. No, don't do. I just. Don't. No, you're precisely. No, that's. Don't let your dog lick your face. Why? No, their mouths are cleaner than humans. You can let your dog lick your face. If a human's out in the backyard eating crap, do you kiss your cats? Do you kiss your cats?

[Tom]

Well, oh, yeah, definitely, definitely my cats lick my face. Yep, definitely. I would 100% do that.

[Bob]

So this guy says, hey, what do I. How do I tell her? Or what?

[Tom]

Well, he says. She says, if. She says, if you don't love my dog, you don't love me. Meaning, I guess she's refusing to wash her face. And he says, can't she just wash her face? Yeah. So apparently he has told her and she basically says, nope, guilt breaker. You have to kiss me. After my dog kisses.

[Bob]

He should. He should just carry around some handy wipes, the kind that are the moist towelettes. Then when she comes over, just give her a quick once over. Wipe down her face. She's not gonna allow.

[Tom]

Yeah, or that. Spray like that.

[Bob]

Oh, even better. Yes. Close your eyes down. Just spray her with some blue liquid and then wipe her face with a crumpled up newspaper. Huh. Get some of that bitter apple and spray it on her face. Yeah, yeah. No, it sounds like it's over to me, but yeah, you gotta get. Yeah. No, dog's mouths are disgusting. People's mouths are disgusting. And you have the right people do it? Depends. Is the dog wearing makeup? Like, let's just. Yeah, yeah. How pretty is the dog? Yeah.

[Tom]

Exactly. Has the Dog prepared for the kiss.

[Bob]

Okay, this says the average dog's mouth contains 600 different species of germs. What about a human? 12 humans? Actually, it's 615. But the thing is, they're different.

[Tom]

You know what she should say? She should say, I lick something of yours. So if that's the case, then, oh.

[Bob]

That is definitely over. Unless it's. Ladies. You start complaining about doing that, you're out.

[Tom]

It's a tit for tat. Like, hey, if I do that, you shouldn't worry about.

[Bob]

They know going in, though, right, Josh? Problem with that? Yeah, it's Gonsville. Okay, bye. Bye. In his case, it's just. By the way, it's just tat in the show. Okay, well, we can move on. Our guest is Ali Breen, along with the very fine comedian, Mr. Patrick Keane. And let's get to another letter. Ally.

[Tom]

Dear Ally, my girlfriend and I have crazy sex, and at one point, I missed and jammed myself against her, and I think I broke my penis.

[Bob]

This does happen. It's very, very, very, very common.

[Tom]

That's his question. Yeah, he said it used to be straight. Now it literally has a bend in it. It still works, but it has an angle. Now, has anyone had any experience with this? And what should I do?

[Bob]

There's no coming back. There's a name for this, right? Josh Peron, but I don't know that. Peyronis. When it stays hard, it won't. No, no, that's prop is what that is. Yeah. Which is. Yeah, Crosby, exactly. Can you. Can you put splints on it? Yeah.

[Tom]

That's hilarious.

[Bob]

The answer here is to see a doctor. We've had a. We've had a number of news stories about. It's a real thing. And, yeah, we. The causality is usually something called reverse cowgirl. And. But, yeah, Peroni's. Doesn't that sound like a great restaurant in Little Italy? I needed Peronis. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, definitely. They have crooked breadsticks. Thursday at noon's a buffet. You can use one of those wood clamps and just clamp it together. No.

[Tom]

Would that work? Exactly?

[Bob]

I think you take a warping board. No, you take the thing they. The hammer they whack your knee with, and you re. Break it, but you got to get it angry first. Very awkward for the doctor. He has to call the nurse fluffer in. Okay, let's get to our next letter. Ali Breen. By the way, it's a L, L, I, B, R, E, E, N. You can reach Ali on your favorite social Media platform. She's also. She's on little thing called Only Fans, and the glasses are going to be a new thing for you on Only Fans.

[Tom]

I'll have to do that. Yeah, exactly. I'll have to do some sexy librarian content.

[Bob]

Now I join It's Only Fans at A L L, I B. Okay. What else can I get? Can I get free access to your Only fans? Why do I. Why do I not.

[Tom]

You should. You were supposed to do. I should get you to do my messaging again because I'm really not good at that. We should revisit.

[Bob]

I'm real good at it.

[Tom]

I know. I bet.

[Bob]

Real good at making guys think I'm a chef.

[Tom]

Josh knows exactly what guys want to hear. He's really in tune.

[Bob]

Anywho. Sorry. Yes. What's the next letter?

[Tom]

Dear Ally, me and my husband just had our first baby, and he actually got three months paternity leave from work. I was psyched. But not only is he not helping me with stuff, but he's actually playing video games and creating such a mess that now I have to clean up after him and my baby.

[Bob]

Hey, I'm here for the baby, all right?

[Tom]

The only benefit is I can actually go get coffee and get my nails done or go grocery shopping while he stays home with the baby. He thinks he's a hero for that, but that's the only way he's helping. When I fight with him, he says, what am I supposed to do? Breastfeed? Are you kidding me? What do I do?

[Bob]

Atta boy. This is. Wow. Yeah, the guy's not stepping up. There's nothing better than a guy who thinks he's making a really good point. We may need to get a referral service for attorneys. This guy's got to start helping. Come on. You should just leave the house more. So then he has to watch the baby. No, you got to get him to pitch in while you're there. I want to know what part of Sweden they work in. So he's got three months of maternity waiting, normally a great thing. This guy's not.

[Tom]

Not.

[Bob]

He's abusing it. Yeah.

[Tom]

Yep.

[Bob]

Clean the house at least. You know, help her out. Have you considered just selling your baby? Call his boss and say there was something about it. If you think about it, that's the problem. That's where it started.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Bob]

Maybe he's not the real father. That's always a possibility. Maybe he's going, hey, look, I'm not taking care of this guy for a paternity test that goes over. How about that. That'll be. Hey, could I get a quick swab? Put down that knife.

[Tom]

Or she should act like a parent and hide his video games. See how he reacts.

[Bob]

Change your WI FI password. Oh, he's. Yeah, he's got a phone. I didn't know you could play video games once you become a parent. I didn't know that either. I'm. Maybe I could have kids if the.

[Tom]

Mom'S doing all the work. Yeah, you can definitely do it if you can find that situation.

[Bob]

Does he play video games? Yeah. Does he? Yeah, he was last night. Do you play video games? No, but I watch him and I cheer him on sometimes because I'm terrible at video games. Something I don't. I can't wrap my head around. Did you see the number one movie last weekend? Yeah, Minecraft or whatever? Minecraft? Yeah. Oh, yeah. 143 million. Hugely successful. Yeah.

[Tom]

No, the video game industry is bigger than everything. Like movies, I think everything. It's huge. Yeah. People love it.

[Bob]

So do we know obviously there's going to be all these are going to be movies. The Mario movies were hugely successful. That's what Willie said. You're right. All of these games are going to become movies now. Yeah. Pong is going to be pretty boring.

[Tom]

People still go see it.

[Bob]

In Minecraft. You can design your own universe, your own world, your own house. Like all that stuff. I'd still be so modest and still have a one room apartment. Even in fantasy. Even Fantasy. Nissan Camera, you know, whatever. They don't make you clean it. You know, we have time for a couple more letters. Allie, what have you got?

[Tom]

Dear Allie, I've been spending a lot of nights at my boyfriend's house and I ended up getting a rash on my back. I finally realized it's because he never changes his sheets. So I actually bought him an extra set. He changed them right away and then never did it again. I feel like I'm his mom. If I keep nagging him or do it for him, how do I get him to actually grow up? Shouldn't he be embarrassed?

[Bob]

He's not going to change. Why don't you get on top every now and again, lazy bones? Oh, you're talking. Just sleeping. I see.

[Tom]

Josh's solution is to keep your back off the sheets.

[Bob]

That's right. Problem solve. Perfect. I don't think men, single men, don't know you're allowed to have more than one sheet. Variety. Right.

[Tom]

You're actually supposed to.

[Bob]

And wash them? Yeah, Every week. Wash them. Patrick King. What are you. Once a week or bed sheets. Probably a little more. Probably, like, every two weeks. Okay. But you travel a lot. Yeah, yeah. But you got to get rotation on those pillowcases. Yeah. It's important. Yeah. Guys, come on. Yeah, the pillowcases are red. That's where you see. That's where it's at, man. Yeah. That's like. Looks like a Rorschach test. Oh, yeah.

[Tom]

Yeah. The pillows underneath the case. Yeah. I don't know what happened.

[Bob]

She looked like a Japanese flag. That's right. You forgot what day it was. A big red circle. That's right. It was worth it. Your imperial flag's even worse. Stripes. Wow. That's a. Well, that gets back to the original mother. Good luck, ma' am. I don't know how you're going to. We have time for one more letter. Ali Breen.

[Tom]

Dear Allie, my dad's a widower, and he and my mom always like to go on cruises. He's planning to go on a cruise now this summer, and he's been inviting younger girls to go along with him. So far, no one has said yes, but I feel like he's gonna come across a gold digger who will take advantage of him. Me and my sister are concerned, but we don't know how to stop it. Is it mean for us to tell him a young girl is just probably after him for his money? Or just let him do his thing?

[Bob]

Let him do his thing. Let him have some fun, guys. My gosh. The next thing, my father is the hero of the neighborhood. We can't take it. Yeah, that's a really awkward situation. What are you gonna do? What do you mean, it's awkward? It's only awkward if you make it awkward. Let the guy have fun. No, I'm saying of course. But, I mean, what are they. What's she supposed to say to him? Give your dad the benefit of the doubt that he's not gonna let some woman just steal his money. He's just looking for somebody to go on vacation with. Well, it sounds like he's pretty casual about who he's asking.

[Tom]

Yeah, it sounds like he's asking.

[Bob]

Hey, can I help you with your groceries, lady? By the way, you want to go on a cruise? Didn't sound like that at all. You did that. He's ask. He said, and sometimes know. They're like, yeah, I know. I know what this is. I know what the arrangement. Exactly. Right. Most of them know. Yeah. He might be Happy to blow $1,500 on thank you, woman. And she might be happy to blow an equal amount, right? I would never date a gold digger. I'd date a silver digger. Like, you know, like that's reasonable. Again, modest. Much like your headquarters in your video game world. That's it for another Bob and Tom show. Extra. Catch us on itunes, Google play and stitcher for Bob and Tom. Extra. This is Christopher. Take care, everybody. Former MLB all star Sean Casey, AKA the mayor, keeps hitting it out of the park. Take my 30 years of experience. Take the wisdom and knowledge I've learned from the failures when I got sent down my rookie year, all the injuries I had to overcome. Your mind is the most important tool you have in life. Be relentless. Keep charging. It matters how you talk to yourself, how you look at the world that we talk about, that I don't know. I'm fired up. Baseball's back and it's going to be incredible. I love it. The mayor's office with Sean Casey from Believe. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.