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Michael Rosenbaum
Hey, this is Michael Rosenbaum. Hey, guys.
Tom Welling
Tom Welling.
Michael Rosenbaum
Look, we've both played heroes and we both played villains. But in the real life, there are no reshoots, no stuntmen or sequels.
Tom Welling
We all make mistakes. We're all human.
Michael Rosenbaum
Making one bad decision can not only land you in jail, but could also put yourself and other people around you in serious risk.
Tom Welling
Be smart. Make a plan. Catch a ride.
Michael Rosenbaum
Stay put. Your decision to drink and drive could permanently change someone else's world. Whether you injure them or leave their loved ones grieving. This holiday season, be your own hero. Drive sober or get pulled over. Paid for by Nita two hours ago, Ky arrived at the bar.
John Heffron
Hey, what's everyone drinking?
Michael Rosenbaum
30 minutes ago, Kyle got his friends another round of drinks.
Lloyd (Turkey Nation Leader)
Cheers.
Michael Rosenbaum
Five minutes ago, Kyle decided to drive home drunk. A minute ago, a law enforcement officer pulled up behind Kyle.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Sir, have you been drinking?
Michael Rosenbaum
Tonight, a chain of events that began two hours ago is about to change Kyle's whole world. Drive sober or get pulled over. Paid for by nhtsa.
Tom Welling
Welcome back. It's another Bob and Tom extra. This is Christopher. Not only is the Bob and Tom show live every weekday morning, but every afternoon we'll give you a little extra. In case you missed anything on today's big show, comedian John Heffron. And Thanksgiving. It's on the way in just a minute.
Kevin Harlan
Kevin Harlan here. Tonight, the NBA on Prime crew has another thrilling NBA doubleheader. It tips off with an Eastern Conference showdown as Tyrese Maxey and the Philadelphia 76ers head to Madison Square Garden to take on Jalen Brunson and the New York Knicks. Then it's Western Conference action SGA and the defending champion Oklahoma City Thunder. Visit Anthony Edwards and the Minnesota Timberwolves. It all comes your way tonight on Prime. And if you're not a Prime member, that's not a problem. Sign up for a 30 day free trial to get started today. The Sixers and Knicks. The Thunder and Timberwolves coverage starts tonight at 6:30pm Eastern only on Prime. Restrictions apply. See Amazon.com Amazon prime for details.
Tom Welling
Time now for the guy who'd rather play guitar than have sex.
Brian
Brian, honey, put that guitar down and come to bed, baby.
Brian's Partner
Yeah, in a minute, sweetie. I'm working on this great lick.
Brian
Mmm. That's exactly what I'm wanting you to work on. In here?
Brian's Partner
No, man, the sound is awesome in here. Sucks in the bedroom.
Brian
You don't like sucky sounds, eh? Well, I think I can make a sucky sound you're gonna love. Come here. I'VE got a surprise for you.
Brian's Partner
Oh, yeah? You got an old tweed Fender basement.
John Heffron
Amp in here or something?
Brian
An amp? No, I'm not talking about some stupid amp.
Brian's Partner
It's not stupid, baby. It's all about the vacuum tubes, you know?
Brian
All right, you bring your tube in here and I'll do my impression of a vacuum cleaner for you.
Tom Welling
Sure, sure.
Brian's Partner
In a minute. I think I'm gonna change my G string first.
Brian
Fel. What a coincidence. I just happen to be wearing a G string. Here, let me take it off and.
Tom Welling
Give it to you.
Brian's Partner
Huh?
Brian
Well, like what you see?
Brian's Partner
No, no, no, no. This won't work, man. I use 10 gauge strings.
Tom Welling
What is this?
Brian's Partner
This is like silk or satin or something. I can't get any decent tone out of that.
Brian
All right, let me put this in terms you'll understand. You need to turn the amp off and turn me on right now.
Brian's Partner
Yeah, just stay on standby for a little bit while I work on my solo.
Brian
Fine. Better get used to going solo because I'm leaving. Have fun with that big chunk of wood in your hands.
Brian's Partner
This isn't a chunk of wood. This is a hollow body. Gretch, baby. It's got f holes, see?
Brian
Better change that F hole to an A hole.
Brian's Partner
Ooh, change the F to an A. Great idea. I can move this cord.
Lloyd (Turkey Nation Leader)
This has been the guy who'd rather.
Tom Welling
Play guitar than have sex.
Michael Rosenbaum
We're just waiting for the cast to.
Tom Welling
Actually show up for work.
John Heffron
Here's more Bob and Tom Extra.
Tom Welling
Me and John Heffron joining us in the studio. Am I recording saying winner of last comic standing a few years back, man.
John Heffron
He met about almost 20 some years back.
Tom Welling
So you're one of the first ones.
John Heffron
So at this point, it's like I won, you know, Hollywood Squares or Match Game, you know, or who do you trust? Yeah, who do you trust?
Tom Welling
Yeah, what's my line?
Michael Rosenbaum
Yeah, yeah.
Tom Welling
Veteran stand up comedian John Heffern has joined us in the studio. Haven't seen you for a while. What's happening in your life? You married, single man.
John Heffron
How do we catch up after 25 years? Well, we're dudes. I just look at you guys. I see everybody in here I haven't seen a while ago. Hey, what's up? What's up? We're caught up.
Tom Welling
Yeah, yeah, it's.
John Heffron
It's just like when I was 20 in here at, you know, 2000. Yeah, 2000. Coming in here drunk. I was in bed by 9 last night. You know, I've reached that age of a, you know, As a stand up. When they're like, okay, you got two shows Saturday, 7:30 and 9:45. I'm like, how about we do a 2 and a 4? Like that makes more sense to me, you know, I got nothing to say to 20 year old kids. What am I going to do? Pander? Hey, I do edibles. You do edibles. Take my shirt off. Like, I'm not, I'm a, like I'm a grown adult. I'm not going to. I don't care. What do you do? What do you do for a living? What do you do for a living? What do you do for a living? Are you guys with each other? You guys with each other? You guys with each other?
Kevin Harlan
Anyway, so there are, there's a whole generation that thinks that's what stand up.
Michael Rosenbaum
Is because of Instagram and all that.
Tom Welling
Yeah.
John Heffron
And it's sad and I'm okay with it because, you know, I'm 56 and this just the older you get, the more invisible you start to become.
Tom Welling
Of course.
John Heffron
Right. Like I'm at that age. I go to the grocery store, the door doesn't even open up for me because it just doesn't acknowledge that I exist anymore. As you know.
Tom Welling
Yeah.
John Heffron
And then it's, you know, the young.
Tom Welling
Girls don't look twice.
John Heffron
Not even like, you don't even. Like, my niece plays soccer for Michigan State and you go to those games and I just keep my head down because you don't want any girl to think he's, he's watching us. Yeah, well, you're playing a sport. Yeah, I'm not. You know, I'm not. But you just, you just. The creepy guy, no matter what. No.
Tom Welling
Do you have Thanksgiving plans?
John Heffron
We're trying to figure that out because we, we literally moved. Sold a farm in Michigan maybe about. Well, we sold it like three months ago. And then we found a, a move in ready house that we're not moved in yet. And it's been three months. You know, ripped up the carpeting and I don't know if I should call the police cuz there's people have bled out on this carpet.
Michael Rosenbaum
Yeah, that'll happen.
John Heffron
You know, and just the whole moving thing, I like, I'm kind of addicted to Zillow. And when we sold our farm, I took so many pictures of our farm with drones and stuff. And then you go to Zillow and you look and you're like, do these people know their houses for sale? Yeah, like this is the living room picture they went with. Yes, this is, there's There's a guy asleep on the couch with a cigarette in his mouth.
Tom Welling
That's.
John Heffron
Yes, that's the living room picture. You go, let's go. There's a kid with a dumpy diaper and a one boot.
Tom Welling
That's.
John Heffron
That's the. This should be sent to child services and not. You know what.
Tom Welling
So you're moving. And the reason I brought it up is we have a.
John Heffron
A.
Tom Welling
A very comprehensive list about Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Oh, we do.
Tom Welling
And some of the exciting things about Thanksgiving that we've learned a couple things already, but this. This will give you some interesting facts. I thought we were ready.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
We got four pages.
Tom Welling
What side?
John Heffron
Not to you.
Tom Welling
Right.
John Heffron
Not serving nothing in. In jello at all.
Tom Welling
That's what Tom said. We're on the same page.
Kevin Harlan
Yeah, that can go.
Brian
Yeah.
John Heffron
But nothing.
Tom Welling
90 people. 90% of the people in the survey said they prefer the sides to the turkey, so. But these are just some facts about things even I thought you might find enlightening.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
The first Thanksgiving was recorded in a letter. Almost everything known about the 1621 feast comes from a brief mention in a long letter written by Edward Winslow.
Tom Welling
1621.
Michael Rosenbaum
Oh, sure.
Kevin Harlan
You've read the Winslow.
Tom Welling
Do you get the monthly Winslow?
Kevin Harlan
I do, yeah.
Michael Rosenbaum
Yeah.
Tom Welling
That's the only way to keep. Keep up.
John Heffron
I get the text alerts. You want to stop this? Okay. Anyway, it was a cold winter. The what, however you talking?
Kevin Harlan
6.
John Heffron
You know, I don't know if they said date.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
How many turkeys do you think are consumed on Thanksgiving Day?
Tom Welling
Oh, great shot.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Guess.
Tom Welling
See?
Michael Rosenbaum
80 million.
Tom Welling
350 million people. That's a pretty good guess.
Kevin Harlan
90 million.
Tom Welling
You think, like, one turkey for every three people?
John Heffron
No, I. Yeah.
Tom Welling
Oh, is that too high?
Kevin Harlan
Okay. Yeah.
John Heffron
I'm from divorced parents, so I ate three turkeys.
Kevin Harlan
Everything.
John Heffron
So that was three just for me. Three birds go to grandma's and my mom's, and my dad picked me up, so I'm at three.
Tom Welling
Yeah, well, that's a. That's a. A real truism about contemporary culture.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Yes.
John Heffron
How many.
Tom Welling
How many Thanksgivings are you going to?
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
46 million turkeys.
Michael Rosenbaum
Oh, wow.
Tom Welling
That was way.
Kevin Harlan
Okay.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Yeah. Wine, beer, and whiskey are the most popular Thanksgiving drinks, thanks to the divorces. Yeah. Americans typically consume more alcohol on Thanksgiving than on an average day. Averaging. This feels low. 2.7 drinks.
John Heffron
You think Thanksgiving was a time when most kids. Because we would go to my grandparents and then all the cousins.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Yeah.
John Heffron
We would sneak down into the grandpa basement that had that light. They went click. You had to pull it wasn't as nice as. And then you'd find the booze, right. And then everybody would have a little sip, and you're like, yeah, a teen. And then you'd come upstairs, and then you'd hang out at the little kid table and talk politics.
Kevin Harlan
Yeah.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
A little bit of a buzz. Yeah.
John Heffron
Yeah. I think Darth Vader had it right.
Kevin Harlan
On paper.
John Heffron
On paper. The emperor is now.
Tom Welling
Did you. Are you of the. Of the era where there was that a long walk before the food came? You'd go outside and the. The marijuana walk. If you want.
Lloyd (Turkey Nation Leader)
You know about the walk.
Michael Rosenbaum
I've tried for years to keep the walk from you. How do you know?
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Yeah, he's been telling us about it.
Michael Rosenbaum
It's a good walk.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
He's on to you.
John Heffron
He's got an apple tag in your.
Michael Rosenbaum
I don't even think it's a walk now. I just think it's. You go down to the basement and you hit a secret little vape pen.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Yeah.
Michael Rosenbaum
I don't think people are going out in the cold anymore.
Tom Welling
Oh, that takes some of the romance out of it.
Michael Rosenbaum
You get too stinky, you know, Got people looking at you funny. You got to talk to your aunt while you're high.
John Heffron
That's never fun.
Tom Welling
Oh, God.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
No, we didn't. I don't. We never had the wok. We had the shots in the garage, you know, before we started cooking.
Lloyd (Turkey Nation Leader)
Shots in the garage.
Tom Welling
By the way, that is the only place where jello is acceptable at Thanksgiving. Yeah, yeah, Jello shots, that would be.
John Heffron
Okay, but cranberry jello shots, the.
Lloyd (Turkey Nation Leader)
The.
Tom Welling
The jello thing, the mold with the bananas in it. No one wants it.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
I don't even know if I've ever had that.
Tom Welling
Oh, God.
Kevin Harlan
Shots in the garage. Had to have been a bloodhound Gang song.
John Heffron
That is a good song. You should. Yeah, that. We should make that.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
It's a very real thing.
John Heffron
And panties down.
Tom Welling
Hey, what just happened? What else have we got about Thanksgiving?
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Red wine is the most popular Thanksgiving drink.
John Heffron
No kidding.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Yeah. I guess it pairs well with the menu. I don't know.
Kevin Harlan
Is that right? I don't know anything about the pairings of the wines.
John Heffron
Yeah, I would say fish and white.
Tom Welling
Red meat, I guess.
Kevin Harlan
Okay. Yeah.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Cab? Yeah.
Kevin Harlan
Do you.
John Heffron
Can I ask what. When you make your plate? Because I eat the same exact way that TV dinners were. Nothing touches on my plate. I have, you know, the turkey, a thing. And if I have, like, a brownie, I have to have a little piece of green bean that fell over in it, you know? So nothing touches.
Michael Rosenbaum
But.
John Heffron
But then I see the people who just.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Pie.
Michael Rosenbaum
I do it KFC famous bowl style. You do a mashed potato layer and then a little Mac and cheese over here. Again, the walk before Thanksgiving helps you get inspired for things like that.
Tom Welling
What's interesting is John Heffro just. I accidentally, I think, landed on something very interesting. The TV dinner. Do you have that fact?
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Yeah. Thanksgiving was inspired. Or inspired. The TV dinner. The first TV dinner.
Michael Rosenbaum
Oh, okay.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Swanson used 260 tons of leftover turkey to create the original frozen meals.
Tom Welling
Nice.
John Heffron
Well, then, so there's the origin story.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Yeah.
Tom Welling
And they had the. The original TV dinners. I don't know if I haven't had one in ages, but they had the aluminum foil. Whatever. And they. It was all sectioned off. Remember, you'd have to peel back the apple crisp.
John Heffron
Yeah, yeah.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
That's the only one you could uncover.
John Heffron
Yeah. And then your finger would burn from that steam that was underneath if you didn't do it.
Tom Welling
The chicks heard me tell this story before. My mother, of course, would never. Tom always wanted a TV dinner when he was growing up, but his mother. So my mom didn't care for the quality of food that was in.
Michael Rosenbaum
You could.
Tom Welling
You could buy those. Whatever they're called. Those. Those aluminum foil tray like, things. So she would buy one, and then she would make fresh, decent food and put it in the various sections.
John Heffron
I want to do that. Yeah. That's how I want to meal prep.
Brian
Yeah.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
That's a good idea.
Michael Rosenbaum
Right?
John Heffron
And then you seal the top and put it in the freezer.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
Perfect.
John Heffron
Oh, man.
Kevin Harlan
Yeah.
Tom Welling
That's a good mom.
Thanksgiving Facts Narrator
That is a really good mom. Yeah.
Tom Welling
That's nice. You had a great.
Kevin Harlan
She did you no favors, I'll tell you that.
Lloyd (Turkey Nation Leader)
Gobble, gobble, go. Hi, my name is Lloyd. Hi, Lloyd. I'm the leader of the entire Turkey nation. Not the Istanbul one, the gobble, gobble, gobble one. Anyway, I've been asked by all of Turkeydom to wish everybody a very happy Thanksgiving. I've come up with a little Thanksgiving song that kind of sums up my thoughts on what would make this year the happiest Thanksgiving ever.
Tom Welling
Okay.
Lloyd (Turkey Nation Leader)
Everybody's talking about a brand new menu choose to break through Try the new Thanksgiving food Turkey hood Will. Thank you, Boo Boo. All we are saying is give beef a chance. All we are saying is give beef a chance. Everybody's talking about turkey day Passe cow day Here to stay New way cool way to give thanks. Beef shanks, Quarter pounder with cheese in honor of the pilgrims please. All we are saying is give beef a chance. That's all we're saying. All we are saying is give beef a chance. Tweet your butterballs for tenderloins, everybody. All we are saying is give people that stuffing when the full sits. Everybody. All we are saying is give be a chain.
Tom Welling
That's it for another Bob and Tom show. Extra. Catch us on itunes, Google play and stitcher for Bob and tom. Extra. This is Christopher. Take care, everybody. Limu gamu and Doug.
John Heffron
Here we have the limu emu in.
Tom Welling
Its natural habitat helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with liberty mutual.
John Heffron
Fascinating.
Tom Welling
It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.
John Heffron
Uh, limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us. Cut the camera.
Tom Welling
They see us. Only pay for what you need@libertymutual.com Liberty.
John Heffron
Liberty, Liberty.
Lloyd (Turkey Nation Leader)
Liberty savings.
Michael Rosenbaum
Very unwritten by Liberty mutual insurance company and affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts.
Episode: B&T Extra: John Heffron
Date: December 19, 2025
Guest: John Heffron, comedian, winner of Last Comic Standing
Theme: Thanksgiving Traditions, Stand-Up Evolution, and Comedy Banter
This episode of The BOB & TOM Show features comedian John Heffron in a lively roundtable with the hosts. The crew reminisces about Thanksgiving traditions, pokes fun at evolving family gatherings, and dives into how stand-up comedy—and life—change as you age. Peppered with nostalgia, irreverence, and quick-witted banter, the show blends Heffron’s Midwest memories with group insights and listeners’ shared quirks around the holiday season.
“At this point it's like I won, you know, Hollywood Squares or Match Game, you know, or Who Do You Trust?” (04:22 – John Heffron)
“I'm 56 and the older you get, the more invisible you start to become. Right? Like I'm at that age. I go to the grocery store, the door doesn't even open up for me because it just doesn't acknowledge that I exist anymore.” (05:46 – John Heffron)
Relocations and Family Turmoil:
“There's a guy asleep on the couch with a cigarette in his mouth...there's a kid with a dumpy diaper and a one boot. This should be sent to child services and not...you know what.” (07:29–07:38 – John Heffron)
Thanksgiving Survey Facts:
Consumption and Family Dynamics:
“I'm from divorced parents, so I ate three turkeys....So that was three just for me. Three birds—go to grandma's, my mom's, my dad picked me up, so I'm at three.” (09:18–09:23 – John Heffron)
Alcohol Is a Big Part of Thanksgiving:
The Pre-Dinner "Walk":
“I've tried for years to keep the walk from you. How do you know?” (10:55 – Michael Rosenbaum)
“You get too stinky...you got to talk to your aunt while you're high.” (11:13 – Michael Rosenbaum)
Food Separation on Plates:
“I eat the same exact way that TV dinners were. Nothing touches on my plate.” (12:12 – John Heffron)
TV Dinner Origin:
“Swanson used 260 tons of leftover turkey to create the original frozen meals.” (12:55 – Thanksgiving Facts Narrator)
“She would buy one [a tray], and then she would make fresh, decent food and put it in the various sections.” (13:37 – Tom Welling)
Lloyd, “Leader of the Turkey Nation,” delivers a tongue-in-cheek Thanksgiving song encouraging people to eat beef on the holiday, parodying “Give Peace a Chance.”
“All we are saying is give beef a chance.” (15:00 – Lloyd)
The segment lampoons holiday food dogma and delivers a highlight of absurdist humor.
On stand-up and aging:
“I'm 56 and the older you get, the more invisible you start to become.”
(05:46 – John Heffron)
On real estate absurdities:
“There's a kid with a dumpy diaper and a one boot.”
(07:36 – John Heffron)
On family Thanksgiving as a child of divorce:
“I'm from divorced parents, so I ate three turkeys.... That was three just for me.”
(09:18 – John Heffron)
On the evolution of the ‘walk’:
“I don't even think it's a walk now. I just think it's—you go down to the basement and you hit a secret little vape pen.”
(11:01 – Michael Rosenbaum)
Thanksgiving food philosophies:
“Nothing touches on my plate.”
(12:12 – John Heffron)
Turkey Pleas:
“All we are saying is give beef a chance.”
(15:00 – Lloyd, “Turkey Nation Leader”)
Tone: Playful, irreverent, nostalgic, and loaded with sarcastic observations about family, tradition, and the passage of time—classic BOB & TOM Show through and through.