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The BOB & TOM Show Free Podcast
B&T Extra: Ladies room, Java House Ice cream drink, & Napoleon talk
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Tom
This episode brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Shifting a little money here, a little there, hoping it all works out well. With the name your price tool from Progressive you can get a better budgeter and potentially lower your insurance bill too. You tell Progressive what you want to pay for car insurance and they'll help find you options within your budget. Try it today@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. Are you ready to dairy free your mind this summer? Melt away your dairy free expectations with so delicious dairy free frozen desserts. Enjoy mind blowing flavors like salted caramel cluster chocolate cookies and cream cookie dough and more. For over 35 years, so delicious has been cranking up the flavor with show stopping products that are 100% dairy free, certified vegan by Vegan Action and are so unbelievably creamy your taste buds will do a double take. Dairy free your mind. Visit sodeliciousdairyfree.com welcome back. It's another Bob and Tom Extra. This is Christopher. Not only is the Bob and Tom show live every weekday morning, but every afternoon we'll give you a little extra in case you missed anything on today's big show, the Ladies Room Java House Ice Cream drink and Napoleon talk. It's coming up in just a minute. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart Choice. Progressive loves to help people make smart choices. That's why they offer a tool called Auto Quote Explorer that allows you to compare your Progressive car insurance quote with rates from other companies so you save time on the research and can enjoy savings when you choose the best rate for you. Give it a try after this episode@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. Now you can lose weight the easy way without pills, without exercise, without counting fat, carbs or calories. And best of all, you can eat anything you want as long as it's not food. That's right, those pounds will just disappear on the no food diet. How easy is it? Well, if you like water, you'll love the no food diet because you can have now get this as much water as you want. What? Too hard to believe you say yes. Listen, I lost £75 in two months on the no food diet. I could have as much water as I wanted and I gotta tell you, I drank a lot of it. I had no hunger pains at all. I was a size 7 and now I'm a size. Look at me. No, no. Over here. Look at me. That's a broom. Will you save money on the no food diet? Let me ask that question this way. How much are your grocery bills every month? About $375. Then what if I told you you'll save at least $100 a month? Then? 100. Well, what's the 275 for then I. Your water bill. How do I get started? Well, that's easy. First go to your refrigerator and food pantry and. Sounds easy. It is. Then what do I do? That's easy, too. Don't eat anything. What if I get hungry? Good question. Lots of people ask that. Especially about the fifth day. I bet you already know the answer. I can have a light snack, right? Like some other diets tell you to do. That's right. You can have a whole bowl full of snacks. Great. In fact, you can have as many bowls full of ice as you want. Wow. Ice cubes. Hey, one. I have to pee a lot, though. Of course you'll be in the bathroom so damned much you won't have time to even think about food. Great. Okay. The new no Food Diet Plan. Just call 1-800-STAR. That's 1-800-STAR. Operators are barely standing. Missed something. Here you go. We'll try to catch you up. This is Bob and Tom. Extra Guess. Hooker William Griswold. Hey, there's Josh Arnold, Ace Cosby. Dang mosquito keeps going. There's that mosquito. Tom, can we get a notepad strip to get rid of these damn mosquitoes? Come on. Hey, my cousin Susie, she keeps an ope strip between her knees. How's she doing? All right. The odor. We just call her buggy. Wow. Exhilarating. That was. What'd you do? Did you go to. I appear in the ladies room. Urination. Oh, I bet that was exhibited. There's no such thing as. Yeah, there is. Men's and ladies. Because the first two in this building are what they call unisex. Right. Then you go take a left turn and then the first one. The rights of men's room. That was a. So they were all occupied. The next one is officially the ladies room. Well, they're in, so I had to go in there. They're breaking the law back there then. Well, no, I used it. I'm. I had to pee. Which lady who was sitting there. Mind that European between her legs. You know something? I gave her a free Tampex. That's right. That's how you're Just those broads in line. That's right. Hey, it's all right. On the house. No strings attached. Oh, wait a minute. Would you go into a ladies restroom if the men's is occupied? All the time. All the time. Happened at an event over the weekend. I was at the. All the women's rooms were occupied. And the girl goes, anybody in? The guys. And I go, I don't know. And she just went in. I go, okay, yeah. No, no, I. Who cares? I just. I don't care. Did you come out wiping her mouth once again leading the way down Vulg Road. That's right. A road. I. I know. Well, you have a house, you have vacation. I do. Yeah. I own property there. That's right. Vulgar road. You want property. Such unusual places. It's right down from Sphincter Lane. What's the biscuit place? You. Well, I like to winter in Cheddar Bay. He's just now getting over the fact that, well, bread, lobster. They haven't opened up a new restaurant, if you know what I'm trying to say. Yeah, yeah, they're all right, but they're out there somewhere. Yeah. They're still around. Yeah. No, it's. I noticed that where we live, the Fridays was bulldozed. Oh yeah. It's gone. Yeah. Fridays is the whole building. Yes. Really? Yeah. What are they going to do with all the strawberry lemonade in there? That stuff is delicious. I don't know. Oh, and the deep fried green beans. Come on. How do you feel about flavored lemonade, Tom? Or flavor? Is it flavored? It's flavored. And they. They, they sugar the rim. When I was 14, I thought that was the nicest cocktail you could get while out. I know you don't like, by the way, sugaring the rim. Also a sex move, Josh. I know you Don. Care for flavored iced tea? No. That should be an opinion on lemonade. It's okay. Yeah. Strawberry lemonade has its place for sure. It's delicious. Little tip this weekend, chick. Yeah. Wait a minute, let me get a. I'm with you, Josh. Let me get a pen. When you order your iced tea. Yeah. Don't get a lemon in it. No. Ask for a slice of orange. What you'll think. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. You're really on some new energy this summer, man. Anderson Cooper does that it. Wait a minute. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Oh, I know. I am not a fan of the. Just an old theater fan favored tea we have. We're preparing something right now and here it comes. I mentioned we're going to try a little experiment. The off label use. Oh hey. Of a Java House peel and pour pod. As it happens, I am currently drinking a Arctic freeze from Java House. If you're watching, it's this blue liquid. Oh my God. So before I try this. Jess. What? Why don't you tell us about it? So it is. It's. It's. It's an Tom. Didn't realize that it actually is already an existing drink. It's called an affogato and it's often served as an after dinner drink. So it's your coffee and your dessert together. I see you put a scoop of gelato, usually vanilla gelato in a glass and then you put a shot of espresso on top. And that's what we've done here. Yeah. And which. Which is. This is Java House. Which one? This is our dark roast. This is delicious. I mean it's way better than the ice cream I had this morning when I woke up. Stuff rules. It's amazing, your breakfast cone. You know, I know it's. It's bad radio to eat in the air because none of us can talk, but it's real tasty. It is. It's delicious. You get the sweetness of the ice cream and the acidity and the bite of the coffee. It's really. And it's summery, isn't it? Yeah, it is nice. Could someone call our friends at Java House and tell them we'd like them to also bring in the ice cream. Gone gelato. But not affogato. Am I right? He is right. You're throwing out the comments. We might not let you come back in here. Pat, you're killing it, buddy. Spell that word again. What is it? AFF Yeah. A F, F, A G, A T, O. It's on most Italian. A lot of Italian restaurant menus. You know me, I don't read menus. Yeah, there's all kind Italian drinks. There's even. There's a coffee that you put lemon in. It's. Yeah, there's. I learned a lot. A little bit. You ever do the butter in the coffee? I do. It's not bad. Actually. It's not terrible at all. Yeah, that's bulletproof coffee. That is good. Yeah. Well, I mean grass face butter. Butter makes everything better. And those that are opposed to butter, we'd like you to leave our country. That's right. There are you know you anti dairy people? I'm a friend of the hardworking dairy farmers. Some of the greatest people in the world. You're an anti margarine. I am. I didn't realize that. Olio. Yes, yes. Build a wall of margarine for me, won't you? This is just delicious. It reminds me how much I like coffee ice cream actually. Yeah? Yeah. And what's the one? The sea. This. Sorry, not sea salt. The C word. That's. That's toward the ocean. Right? That's exactly right. That's a different drink. It's delicious. It's delicious. What is the one with the saltiness? The coffee. Salted caramel. Salted caramel? Yeah. We could have put that on top. That would. This weekend. I'm in. What do you call the caramel flavor that they put salt in? You call that. I love this game. Which is it? I didn't. I. I couldn't remember. Okay. Sorry. I have important things on my mind. You're going to try that? You think world. You think world peace is going to happen without me thinking about it? You're right, Chick. I always forget who's the guy that played guitar in the Jimi Hendrix Experience. I can never remember his name. Buddy Miles. No, that's not right. We've also been told that the hot cocoa on the ice cream is real good. I can't imagine. I bet that's delicious. And obviously the French vanilla latte would be good. Top of ice cream. So now theoretically I could walk over there to our Java House display and. And choose a pod and go ahead and dump it right in here. All you needed was a belch there and you would have been perfect. You ate the whole thing? Hell yeah. All right. I've been working with her for 50 years. She's never eaten a whole thing of anything. Wow. Can parse out a Kit Kat bar for a month. Yeah, that was really. I have a sector half sector a day. So we. So we have just discovered an off lab use for Java House. Thank you very much. You're welcome. What a delight. And thanks to the listener who made that suggestion. Yes. Now I've lost my place. Where were we? I was in the ladies room. I'm back out now. Okay. Are they labeled that way? Yeah, that's what I was saying. I don't think they are. Women's room in the main. In the main building over there. Oh yeah, they have. The first one is a men's room. The second one's a ladies room. Did you do a knock? Hey. Excuse me. Anybody in here? There's no one. It's a Friday. There's no. Did you guys like the picture Placement that I did in the men's restaurant. I love it. Oh, you need that. You mean the Elton John picture over the urinal? Yes. Yeah. All right. It's a little bit funny. That thing in your hand. I don't like it. It's hard to pee with an erection. Josh is in there tilted over Mike and Isosle's triangle. Can you do that? That in a urinal? It's way easier. Yeah, you can? Yeah. Okay. It's harder to adjust the direction. I don't know how you guys walk around with those things. I don't either. Where do you put them in your pants? I never really get that left, right down, up. Yeah. I don't know why it took them so long to come up with. With little pockets and underwear. Yeah. So you have a little. It has a place. It's like a sleeping bag for it. It's nice. They have a little pocket in your underwear. It doesn't get too hot? No, no, not at all. Do you put all of it in or just the. Just a tip? I love that game. You put all of it in, including even the gym and the twins. Really? Yeah. I'll be darn. I know they have strap ons for sexual pleasure. Yes, they do. But do they have, like, real, like, ones that are really, like a guy's thing so that a girl would know what it feels like to walk around with one? Oh, like. Oh, that's interesting. Like an empathy penis. Exactly. Empathy belly. Yeah. You strap it on and if you drink too much, it doesn't work. Yes. Here's one of the Internet faux dick industries. Yes. You can get the high school model where all of a sudden it just gets erect for no reason. Yeah. F, A, U, X, D, I, C, K. Faux dick. And you get the high school version and it's a textbook in front of your girl. Very good. Napoleon's iconic bicorn hat. Bicorn hat. You know the hat he wore. Tricorn. Isn't it? It's a buy here. That's right. Because it only has two. That's right. Gotcha. Gotcha. And of course, two tricorn. And he wore it famously. He wore it sideways so they'd know that he was the head honcho. No, because he was. He was crazy. Right. It's kind of a wild. And several other of his possessions are going up for auction. Over 100 relics, including his battered military hat. How about his vote for Pedro T shirt? That's Napoleon Dynamite. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're a little confused there. Willie wore one of Those for? I love that. They'd auction off Napoleon's testicles. But they're in Josephine's purse. They're in New Jersey. Asleep from his red velvet coat in the divorce papers from Empress Josephine. Oh, that early on display in Paris out of the Sotheby's auction. They get a lot more for underwear. Well, the hat is estimated to sell for over half a million dollars, while the entire auction is aiming to make an excess of seven and a half million. Where does that money go? To the French government. Whoever owns it. Whoever owns the stuff. Here we go. Chick, you were joking, but hang on a minute. Yes, sir. Napoleon's male member. Oh. Is in New Jersey. Huh? I'm not joking. How do they know that? In, like, the Henry Ford Museum. Here it is. Here it is. Napoleon's one and a half inch penis. Oh, huge. Well, I probably shrunk up since. Yeah, all of a sudden. Josephine is a tremendous woman. It is alleged to be in the possession of a New Jersey urologist's daughter. Weird. I love this joke. Yeah. Dr. John K. Latimer paid $3,000 for the 1 1/2 inch long phallus at an auction in Paris in 1977. His daughter is believed to be the Oregon's current owner. She said her father never showed it to anyone. He never told anyone. He bought it and just put it under his desk and kept it there. Ms. Latimer is now 75. She said the penis is said to have been part of a collection of items owned by the priest who administered Napoleon's last rights. Odd. There'll be no tip, but take this. I'll tell you that. What a weird thing to. Well, Napoleon must have been a grower then, right? Yeah, for sure. Well, I think if once you drain the fluid out of it, I think it's going to be. Well, sure. Blood is what makes an erection. Well, yeah. It's a bone apart. It is a boner. Boner part. That's Tarantino's adult cinema brand. Right. A bone apart. No, I mean, if it was. If it really was an inch and a half in today's world, he wouldn't have a horse, he'd have a Corvette. Oh, yeah, you make that joke now that you got rid of the Corvette. Exactly. What's coming up, Christy Lee? Oh, I was on this website looking at all this stuff from Napoleon. What else is there? You were looking at Napoleon's penis? No, I don't have his penis. I was looking at the stuff that's on up for auction. They think the sleeve of that coat, which looks like it's horrific looking, will go to 20 to €30,000, which I don't know about that. There's a foot rest you could put. He put his foot on. But that's a bargain at a 1000-€1500. And he was not that short, by the way. No, he wasn't. He 56 or something. Yeah, yeah. No, I just. This is something weird I just encountered. Yeah. A list. You can compare your height to famous leaders really in the world. That's one of the best parts of going to Madam Tussauds. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Was it Stalin kind of short or Lennon or one of them. Queen Elizabeth was 5 4. This is fascinating. You can I, I. There's some of these people are. Did you know that Donald Trump is like 6:3, right. According to this Putin, 5:6. Ooh. Oh, that explains a Napoleon complex there. Huh? Wow. He doesn't look 5 6. Well, I'm sure they photograph him so that he looks taller. None of the world's heroes are shorter than you would think. Hitler Just over 5 7. As I said that. Che Guevara 58. There really is something to all that. Wow. Yeah. This is very interesting. I met a guy yesterday who complimented you. It was in a parking lot. His name's Frank. He was driving like a wrecker. Some kind of big old truck looking cars. Okay. And he said, I just want you to know that Tom. The best thing Tom ever did was hiring you, Josh. And I thought what a lovely compliment. And where was he towing your car? He was towing it out of the ravine that I had. Ok. What a nice man. Yeah. We were talking about Napoleon. Yeah. Because there's. They're auctioning off all his stuff. I'm fascinated by this website. I need to get. They always make jokes about short. Napoleon was not really that short for his time. 5 6. And was he insane? Don't they make that joke too in the cartoons and stuff? He has his hand in his coat, you know. But there's this website where you can compare yourself to several world leaders in height. Abe Lincoln almost six four. Wow. Charles de Gaulle over six' four. Malcolm X six three and a half. Fidel Castro six two. This is interesting. Saddam Hussein, six two. Barack Obama six one. What about Golda? My hair? Are we taller than her? Yes. All right. Five, five, two. Gold to my ass. Right. Not my prime minister or whatever. This is interesting. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, 7 1. I had no idea. But could not hit the 3. Yeah. Ergo never really made. She Was a rim protector, though. Well, it's time for us to advance into the world of news. Oh, no, it's not. Sorry. Just give me the teaser, Christie. Sorry. We still haven't gotten to our fake dentist store. We have a mysterious drone in the news. We have a drunk guy on a camel. You know, if I was going to fake something, I think Dennis would be last on the list. What would you. Seems unpleasant. I would try to fake surgeon before I'd fake Dennis. Yeah, I think so. How would you fake being a surgeon? Well, a surgeon, you. You could stand around a lot and hold your hands up and ask for instruments. You could. I think stuff like that. You could fake being. Especially if it was a doctor that didn't do anything but write prescriptions, which, of course, is your ideal job. I think I would fake being a radio broadcaster. I think I'd be pretty good at acting like a radio. You've been doing that for years. We've perfected. That's it for another Bob and Tom show. Extra. Catch us on itunes, Google play and stitcher for Bob and Tom. Extra. This is Christopher. Take care, everybody. I am Michael Rosenbaum. I am Tom Welling. Welcome to Talk Bill, where it's fun to talk about Smallville. We're going to be talking to sometimes guest stars. Are you liking the direction Lois is going in? Yeah, because I'm getting more screen time. It's good, but mostly it's just me and Tom remembering. I think we all feel like there was a scene missing here. Got me, Tom. Let's revisit it. Let's look at it, See what we remember. See what we remember. I had never been around anything like that before. I mean, it was so fun. Talk Ville. Talk. I just had a flashback. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Let's get into it.