Teh BOB & TOM Show - December 24, 2025

Summary

The BOB & TOM Show – December 24, 2025

Podcast: The BOB & TOM Show Free Podcast
Host: The BOB & TOM Show | Cumulus Podcast Network
Date: December 24, 2025

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Overview

This Christmas Eve edition of The BOB & TOM Show is a lively, packed episode blending signature comedy, music, news, and holiday banter. With the full crew present—Tom Griswold, Chick McGee, Josh Arnold, Pat Godwin, Jess Hooker, Christy Lee, and guests including Jamie Lisso—the episode swings between irreverent holiday sketches, topical news riffs, classic Bob & Tom Show recurring gags, and a hefty dose of listener interaction and musical numbers, all while poking fun at each other's quirks and holiday traditions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Christmas Comedy and Sketches

• "Twas the Night Before Christmas (Jail Edition)":
  • An offbeat, character-driven rewrite of the classic Christmas poem set in a jail, with Donnie Baker lamenting his incarceration and his mom's arrest for DUI ([01:07-02:53]).
  • Standout banter around jail bathroom etiquette and character Randy’s squeamishness, leading to classic show in-fighting.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • “There’s only one commode and there ain’t no stall doors or toilet paper. Just state law. It’s all out in the open and everyone stares like the dunk tank at the fair.” —Donnie Baker ([01:37])
  • “Merry Christmas, man. I gotta go.” —Donnie Baker ([02:53])

2. Holiday Traditions and Household Chaos

• Morning Chaos:
  • The crew discusses surveys showing 8:15 AM is the most stressful time of day, sharing their own morning routines and dog-wrangling strategies ([06:46-08:49]).
  • “When’s your least stressful time?” —“When I’m sleeping.” —Tom Griswold & Josh Arnold ([09:00])
• Sleep Habits & Hotel Patrol:
  • Everyone reveals which side of the bed they sleep on, their hotel rituals, and starfish vs. neat sleeper debates ([10:25-11:45]).
• Christmas Routine and Stockings:
  • Tom details his elaborate Christmas morning system, including sealing off the tree room with gift wrap so kids have to burst through after breakfast—a tradition met with mixed reviews from other cast members ([68:14]–[69:34]).

3. Holiday Decor Debacles

• Tree Disposal:
  • Chick admits to dumping dead Christmas trees in a ditch, justifying it as habitat creation for squirrels, sparking debate on environmentalism vs. laziness ([04:35-05:45]).
  • “Squirrels are the fish of the woods.” —Josh Arnold ([05:40])
• Holiday Lighting Disputes:
  • Tom’s idea to use green and red bulbs is vetoed at home, likened to "trailer park" chic ([49:56–50:43]); the group riffs on the politics of outdoor decorating, including the relationship wisdom: “Ask Kelly what she would like you to do.” ([51:25–51:39])

4. Food & Kitchen Appliance Nostalgia

• The gang reminisces about woks (electric vs. gas), electric skillets, and speckled roasting pans, exploring how childhood kitchen gadgets influence adult preferences ([12:12–15:11]).
• Notable line: “I have an electric skillet just because my mother did.” —Pat Godwin ([14:41])
• “Is there a Chinese restaurant called 'Can You Wok the Wok'?” —Tom Griswold ([14:07])

5. Family & Parenting Follies

• Tom shares stories of his kids injuring themselves in the unfinished basement—knife wounds and a mini-motorcycle crash—sparking talk on the lessons of parenting vs. child-proofing ([19:11–21:43]).
• “Being a parent has to be hard... you want them to learn, which means they have to hurt themselves. But you don’t want that either.” —Josh Arnold ([20:50])

6. Special Guest: Jamie Lisso

• Stand-up comedian Jamie Lisso calls in, joking about his physician wife (“She’s out of network, I got a bill later”), Christmas gifts (his wife prefers acts of kindness), and kids outsmarting the Tooth Fairy ([33:20-42:23]).
• Notable Quotes:
  • “My wife’s a little too attractive for me. When we got married, the priest said, ‘You do?’” —Jamie Lisso ([34:06])
  • “If your wife ever says ‘let’s not do gifts for Valentine’s Day,’ they’re lying.” ([35:49])

7. Christmas Music Mayhem

• Best and Worst Songs:
  • Panel debates favorite and most annoying Christmas songs: Mariah Carey slipping in the charts; controversial love/hate for “Wonderful Christmastime”; affection for “Dominic the Donkey” and “Christmas Wrapping” ([135:38-138:28]).
• Song Parodies and Live Numbers:
  • Godwin and Arnold debut “I Dyed Everywhere, Man” (hair-dye to the Johnny Cash tune) ([22:47]); Pat delivers “Santa’s Stoned” ([77:52–79:38]).
  • Playful, edgy riffs on “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” poking fun at its controversial undertones ([88:51–89:10], [141:28–142:56]).
• Dominic the Donkey Deep Dive:
  • Listener mail reveals “Dominic the Donkey” was perhaps used as mob money laundering—the show jokes about its cult status and cartoon appeal ([113:54–116:40]).
• Other Notables:
  • Panel agrees Eagles’ “Please Come Home for Christmas” and Kelly Clarkson’s “Underneath the Tree” are “in the rotation.” Old blues numbers (“Christmas in Jail”) get airtime ([139:00–139:49]).

8. Listener Mail & Trivia

• Emails highlight holiday music picks, walkie-talkie protocol corrections (“Over and out” isn’t military standard!), and international shout-outs (Ecuador) ([113:54–119:43]).

9. Quirky News & World Records

• Community misadventures: giant noodle cups, watermelons stacked for a Guinness Record, and a debate on whether possums eat cows through the rear ([57:02–61:31], [92:24–92:35]).
• “Are you from Tennessee, because you’re the only 10, I see” comes up in a list of top holiday party pickup lines ([31:38–32:18]).

10. Classic BOB & TOM Banter:

• The team rib each other over everything from coffee routines (“coffee is out there, not in your home”—Tom) ([53:05–54:21]), bad jokes (“Were you engaged to Eric?”), and the ever-escalating quicksand and suffering competitions ([81:00]).
• Multiple self-referential and fourth-wall-breaking moments about over-explaining bits, running gags, and sabotaging each other’s confidence mid-performance.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Squirrels are the fish of the woods.” —Josh Arnold [05:40]
• “My beard looked like it exploded… I can just flip the one corner back!” —Josh Arnold on sleep habits [11:45]
• “Acts of kindness… thank God that’s the only love language I can afford.” —Jamie Lisso [40:22]
• “Tom, [Christmas] isn't about controlling everything… but you try.” —Pat Godwin [69:44]
• “Dominic the Donkey was specifically created to launder money…” —Listener Junior from Ecuador [116:28]
• (upon hearing “Dominic the Donkey’s” appeal) “That stinks, man.” —Tom Griswold [115:07]
• “Sugar Plum McJingles, that’s my elf name—isn’t that cute?” —Tom Griswold [26:21]
• “Ode to humanity—smelled like burnt rump roast…” —Tom Griswold, on a failed fragrance [159:36]

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Timestamps for Noteworthy Segments

| Timestamp | Content | |-----------|---------| | 01:07-02:53 | Donnie Baker’s “Twas the Night Before Christmas (In Jail)” sketch | | 04:35-05:45 | Tree disposal, “Squirrels are the fish of the woods” | | 06:46-08:49 | Survey on most stressful time of day & morning routines | | 10:25-11:45 | Bedside preferences, hotel sleep quirks | | 12:12–15:11 | Kitchen appliance nostalgia & “Can You Wok the Wok?” | | 19:11–21:43 | Parenting fiascos: kid injuries & the unfinished basement | | 22:47-23:27 | “I Dyed Everywhere, Man” song parody | | 33:20-42:23 | Interview: Jamie Lisso on marriage, gifts, and airline tales | | 49:56–50:43 | Debate on Christmas light “trailer park” aesthetics | | 68:14–69:34 | Tom’s elaborate Christmas morning routine | | 77:52–79:38 | Pat Godwin’s “Santa’s Stoned” song | | 113:54–116:40 | Listener email about “Dominic the Donkey” mafia ties | | 135:38-138:28 | Discussion of favorite & least favorite Christmas songs |

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Flow & Tone

The episode is rapid-fire, freewheeling, and classic BOB & TOM, balancing holiday warmth with biting satire and gleeful irreverence. Everyone gets roasted, holiday traditions are both celebrated and mocked, and beneath the laughter, there’s a familiar undercurrent of nostalgia and camaraderie—even as the cast comically bickers over logistics, etiquette, and music playlists.

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For New Listeners

If you haven’t heard the episode, expect:

• Ridiculous (and often R-rated) holiday sketches.
• Deep dives into “bad” or cult Christmas music—and some heartfelt picks too.
• Parenting and family stories with a comic and occasionally biting edge.
• Plenty of inside jokes and meta-commentary on show dynamics.
• The usual parade of listener mail, musical numbers, and thinly veiled mockery among cast and guests—especially around Christmas habits and traditions.

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Holiday (and Life) Takeaways

• No matter how you celebrate, someone in your family probably thinks your way is certifiably insane.
• Everybody has a favorite (and least favorite) Christmas song—what matters is that you sing along proudly, or at least complain about it with gusto.
• Whatever your holiday plans, expect chaos: dogs, tree disposal squabbles, and maybe an uninvited Dominic the Donkey playing in the background.

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Over and out! (Correction: just “Out.” Thanks, Army vet Rory!)

Transcript

[Josh Arnold]

Kevin Harlan here this Friday, the NBA on prime crew is back with another action packed doubleheader. The night starts when Jaylen Brown and the Celtics go toe to toe with Pascal Siakam and the Pacers. Then James Harden and the Clippers take on the Portland Trail Blazers. If you're not a Prime member, just sign up for a 30 day free trial. The Celtics and Pacers, the Clippers and Blazers coverage starts Friday at 7pm Eastern only on Prime. Restrictions apply. See Amazon.com amazonprime for details.

[Tom Griswold]

Drinking and driving will change your whole world. The next time you're out with friends, consider what would happen if you got pulled over after drinking. Like the legal fees or the time in court or a DUI on your record. Your decision to drink and drive could change someone else's world too if you hurt or even kill them in a crash. Instead, what if a decision to call a sober ride changed your world for the better? Drive sober or get pulled over Paid for by NHTSA.

[Josh Arnold]

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the jail not a creature was stirring so I couldn't post bail. My mugshot was hung by the entrance with care in hopes my prepaid attorney would soon be there. The other inmates were nestled in state issued beds as visions of pardons danced in their heads. And I, in my Zubaz and Ozzfest.

[Chick McGee]

Cap had just squatted down to take.

[Josh Arnold]

A long public oh Donnie, that's disgusting. You know that's not how the story goes. Shut up Randy. You've never been locked up anyways so how would you know what it's like on the inside? For your information, there's only one commode and there ain't no stall doors or toilet paper. Just ain't. It's state law. I mean it's all out in the open and everyone stares at like the.

[Chick McGee]

Dunk take at the fair. But I didn't care cause I'm a.

[Josh Arnold]

Full blooded badass and I've got the class B misdemeanors to prove it. I ain't like you Randy. Jail ain't no place for pussies.

[Chick McGee]

Hell, I bet if you got locked.

[Josh Arnold]

Up on Christmas Eve you'd be crying. Like that time we put crazy glue in your toothbrush. And if that's what it takes to shut your mouth, I'll do it again.

[Chick McGee]

Randy, I swear to God I will.

[Josh Arnold]

Now shut up and let me finish this poem. So there I was, alone on Christmas Eve with a tear in my eye till they hauled in my mom phyllis on another DUI.

[Chick McGee]

Then 12 hours later, the guard called us by name. Hey, Donnie.

[Josh Arnold]

Baker. Grab your civvies, your pager, go get your Mountain Dew. You're free to go, Donnie. And your mom is too. I highly doubt a fully licensed corrections officer would say that. Look it up, Randy. Transcripts, court seven. Anyways, I'll never forget what he said as I started to leave.

[Chick McGee]

Hey, Baker, I bet your ass is back here on New Year's Eve.

[Josh Arnold]

I swear to God, he said that. Merry Christmas, man. I gotta go. Good morning.

[Chick McGee]

Hello. From coast to coast, it's the Bob and Tom Show.

[Josh Arnold]

Bob and Tom, Bo and Tom. Bomb and Tom.

[Chick McGee]

Many portions of the upcoming program have been pre recorded. Meaning they've already happened and they're about to happen again. So where was it?

[Pat Godwin]

Oh.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Ladies and gentlemen, we're glad to have you here. It's the Bob and Tom Show. Hot morning. We're talking about everything.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, talking about that John Wayne Bobbitt guy back in the news. That and that. That. That justice was not served when. When they put Lorena Bobbitt in jail for littering. That's just the way this country is. We've just got everything backwards. Yeah, that's a story you don't want to look up today. Yikes.

[Josh Arnold]

Tom, if you have a. Let's say you're eating a banana in your car. Not that I don't know that you do that, but let's see. Would you throw the banana peel?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, banana peel. Yeah, maybe.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, but that seems fair if I were.

[Chick McGee]

Birds love stuff like that.

[Tom Griswold]

Sure.

[Pat Godwin]

Anything like that.

[Tom Griswold]

Or in a wooded area, people just dump all their crap everywhere. It drives me crazy.

[Chick McGee]

What about your. If you're drinking a milkshake from McDonald's, you get down right to the bottom and toss the cup right out the window.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes, because milk has touched that cup and milk. You.

[Tom Griswold]

You're awful.

[Chick McGee]

Double the degradable.

[Pat Godwin]

What about guys who just dump their Christmas trees wherever they want?

[Chick McGee]

No, those guys have. Wait a minute. I never felt more alive.

[Jess Hooker]

You do that.

[Pat Godwin]

He did.

[Chick McGee]

Where you dump it right over here in the ditch.

[Pat Godwin]

In the ditch.

[Josh Arnold]

There are a bunch of lay downs already.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I helped the. The ecosystem. There were squirrels making a home in my old dead Christmas.

[Tom Griswold]

What if everybody did that?

[Chick McGee]

Well, you'd have a lot of happy squirrels.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

And then you felt good, wouldn't it?

[Chick McGee]

I told you about it.

[Josh Arnold]

It was like a dead body.

[Tom Griswold]

Wait a minute. You hypocrite. I thought you hated squirrels.

[Chick McGee]

I do hate squirrels.

[Josh Arnold]

Now the only thing we ask Jigs the next Time you do it. Please. De tinsel and de ornament the tree.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Some of those ornaments had sentimental value.

[Pat Godwin]

Check it. Or they're choking on the tinsel.

[Chick McGee]

Look, they don't like it when I set fire to it in my backyard. They don't like it when I dump it into a ditch. What am I supposed to do with it?

[Josh Arnold]

Keep the star. Your thoughts.

[Pat Godwin]

Keep it in your house.

[Chick McGee]

I don't want to wal.

[Tom Griswold]

They throw. They throw them in the water and they. The fish go to living.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, that's. I'm all for that.

[Chick McGee]

There you go.

[Josh Arnold]

Those fish habitats are great.

[Chick McGee]

So replace fish with squirrel.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes. Squirrels are the fish of the woods.

[Chick McGee]

That's what they're called.

[Tom Griswold]

And that's the kind of. That's the kind of profound insight you get from this show. Hey, did you hear that? Squirrels are the fish of the woods.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, what does that mean? Nothing, but they said it.

[Tom Griswold]

Then you should run for Senate. Christy Lee is at the Bob and Tom news desk. I see just Hooker across the way with her fun pants on. So, Ms. Hooker.

[Jess Hooker]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Have you noticed anything about Josh that's unusual?

[Jess Hooker]

He got his hair cut.

[Josh Arnold]

He. I did, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

And he trimmed back the beard.

[Jess Hooker]

Oh, he did.

[Josh Arnold]

I did, yeah. Yeah, you did.

[Jess Hooker]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

It's spring. It's time.

[Josh Arnold]

And that's good. That's a good sign. When it's not necessarily noticeable.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

That means it wasn't that drastic.

[Tom Griswold]

I thought it was incredibly noticeable. It balanced on his face.

[Jess Hooker]

Actually noticed that. You played with it a lot.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I did.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my beard.

[Tom Griswold]

The joke is done. We have. We have arrived. Once again, Christy had an interesting news story suggesting that the most stressful time of day, according to a survey of a few thousand people, was 8:15 in the morning.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. The morning. Now, that's something we've never experienced. The morning chaos. I don't have that. I never had that.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, that's true.

[Chick McGee]

We. We have our own.

[Pat Godwin]

Do you have chaos in the morning?

[Chick McGee]

Morning chaos here?

[Pat Godwin]

Well, here, but yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

When is your chaos time on the show? No. Like before the show, would you say?

[Pat Godwin]

Nah.

[Chick McGee]

No.

[Pat Godwin]

Because I have to sneak around and nobody wakes up. And it's kind of nice. It's pretty quiet, in and out. Nobody saw a thing.

[Tom Griswold]

It's like a. Yeah, I have the same situation. I wake up and tiptoe around.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I had to get a shirt out of the room where the dogs were this morning. Get to sneak in there tiptoeing. One of the dogs slipped up and said, I know you're in here.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, yeah.

[Chick McGee]

You can't sneak past dogs.

[Tom Griswold]

The other two stayed asleep. I was very careful.

[Chick McGee]

I. I don't. I don't believe that I did.

[Josh Arnold]

I thought you walked them in the morning.

[Tom Griswold]

It depends. It depends if that's. This is really too much information. It depends if. Whether or not they have pooped in the evening.

[Chick McGee]

See, dogs love schedule.

[Josh Arnold]

When I have a house full of people, they will tiptoe around me. That's how this will work.

[Pat Godwin]

Good luck.

[Tom Griswold]

I thought you were saying. I thought you were gonna say you keep them apprised of your poop schedule.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, of course I do.

[Tom Griswold]

So they know whether or not to let.

[Chick McGee]

The kind of house you're going to run, that's going to be.

[Pat Godwin]

These people say they lose 20 minutes due to morning chaos. When you have kids, though, trying to get them out of bed, get them ready for school, that has to be stress.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah, that makes sense. 8:15 was about the time that we would be trying to get everybody's backpacks and get in the car and load up. It is because school started between 8:30 and 8:45. So that makes sense. Yeah, that was a stressful time, getting everybody out the door.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, yeah, I.

[Pat Godwin]

What's your most stressful time, Tom?

[Tom Griswold]

When I'm awake.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, he does really well when he's sleeping.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, how about something? When's your least stressful time?

[Tom Griswold]

When I'm sleeping.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah, sure. That seems all right.

[Pat Godwin]

2:00 clock in the afternoon. That's my nap time.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

How about that? How long you down for?

[Pat Godwin]

Usually 20 to 30 minutes. I set an alarm so I don't oversleep so I can sleep at night.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, that's about. That's what they say, about 20 minutes.

[Pat Godwin]

It's been beautiful the last couple days. Got to sleep outside, so.

[Josh Arnold]

Nice outside.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, nice sectional. What do you mean?

[Josh Arnold]

Like FDR at Campobello.

[Pat Godwin]

Lay on the sidewalk.

[Josh Arnold]

Beautiful.

[Chick McGee]

I put a blanket on him.

[Josh Arnold]

You ever woken up outside? That is a feeling.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, my God, man. Oh, no.

[Josh Arnold]

You weren't expecting it to be.

[Chick McGee]

What the hell?

[Pat Godwin]

Were you working or did you pass out time?

[Josh Arnold]

I passed out on the side the bank of a river that I was. We were doing like a float trip and I woke up to a family going, look at that guy.

[Tom Griswold]

Passed out.

[Josh Arnold]

On the side of a river. They're just inner tubing, beer cans all around.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, look at all that. That's not even. It's not even his.

[Pat Godwin]

You weren't wearing the beer box hat, were you?

[Josh Arnold]

No, no, sir. Dude, the party night had not made an appearance.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, God.

[Chick McGee]

When's the last time you woke up and didn't know where you were? Because that just happened to me when.

[Josh Arnold]

We were in, like, hotels.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. What the hell?

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, now this is actually. I always sleep on the same side of the bed.

[Josh Arnold]

Sure.

[Chick McGee]

Of course you do.

[Josh Arnold]

Even when alone.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

So wait a minute now. So when we were in West Virginia, that hotel, the electronic plug in stuff was on the opposite side, on the other side. So I slept on that side until about an hour later, I woke up and I had to get up and go to the other side of the bed, even though I was by myself.

[Pat Godwin]

If you're facing the bed, which side of the bed do you sleep on? You're at the end of the bed and you're facing the left.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. You're facing.

[Chick McGee]

Looking at the bed.

[Pat Godwin]

So do I.

[Jess Hooker]

If I'm in a hotel by myself, I sleep diagonally.

[Pat Godwin]

No.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, good.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah, Just starfish. Just starfish it the whole time.

[Pat Godwin]

What side of the bed do you sleep on?

[Chick McGee]

Pretty much in the middle. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, that's great. I wish I were a middler.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You're gonna. You have to be soloing, though, right?

[Pat Godwin]

Well, yeah, but even solo, I would sleep on the left side of the bed.

[Josh Arnold]

I do, too.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I sleep in there.

[Jess Hooker]

Like somebody sleeping on the other side.

[Chick McGee]

Yes. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

It's weird. I don't know why.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

But not typically, though. When I wake up, it looks like there's been some kind of explosion. Pillows everywhere. What did you call it? Starfishing.

[Pat Godwin]

You're a thrasher. You, like, move around a lot, apparently.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

You're fighting people.

[Josh Arnold]

My bed looks almost made. When I wake up, I can just flip the one corner back.

[Pat Godwin]

That's exactly it.

[Tom Griswold]

So do you flip it back, squeegee.

[Chick McGee]

It off, and then. Well, no. He's got to move the pizza boxes.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, sure. Yeah. I got the chicken buckets. I know on those a little bit. In the shower, I like to have.

[Chick McGee]

A chicken bone in the morning.

[Pat Godwin]

I have to tell you, I heard from quite a few of my friends yesterday that have electric woks, too. I apologize.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, no, it's okay. Yeah, yesterday there was a controversy. Jess, you're a really know your way around a kitchen.

[Jess Hooker]

Sure.

[Josh Arnold]

As. As a woman should. And you. Do you have an electric walk or did you ever.

[Jess Hooker]

No, I never had an electric walk. I have a. I have a walk that goes on my gas range, but.

[Pat Godwin]

That'S what we all had.

[Jess Hooker]

That sounds cool.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, Josh had a Joke that hinged on everyone thinking that all walks were electric.

[Chick McGee]

It was tentative.

[Tom Griswold]

Thus. Thus the utter failure of the affairs.

[Josh Arnold]

Poor craftsmanship lay the so called joke on me. It was the Ace Cosby joke of the day.

[Chick McGee]

That's true.

[Josh Arnold]

And he called it. He called the Walker utensil. And I said, it's more of an appliance. And you all leapt down my. Can I walk on an electric grill? I think so, yeah. As long as it has a base.

[Jess Hooker]

That's either.

[Josh Arnold]

But I grew up.

[Chick McGee]

I feel bad for you if you have electric heat or electricity cooked up.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't know why some of us don't have the option.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, some of us move back to civilization. We like to what's called a metro area.

[Chick McGee]

Hey, hey, get better, okay?

[Pat Godwin]

Get better.

[Chick McGee]

Come on.

[Pat Godwin]

Why?

[Tom Griswold]

Why?

[Pat Godwin]

Why?

[Chick McGee]

I could improve.

[Josh Arnold]

Napping outdoors.

[Tom Griswold]

When you were growing up, did you. Did your mom have a electric frying pan? That one. Like an extra one?

[Pat Godwin]

I still have one. An electric skillet. That's what they're called.

[Tom Griswold]

I think that was kind of the early version of the slow cooker.

[Pat Godwin]

I loved it because we had a.

[Tom Griswold]

Regular cooktop and a regular stove. But every once in a while, that.

[Josh Arnold]

Electric one would be like, on, like Thanksgiving. You have an extra one just.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, we use it for pancakes and it makes awesome hash browns.

[Jess Hooker]

Are you talking about the big flat thing like we have in the green room?

[Pat Godwin]

That's a griddle.

[Jess Hooker]

That's what we had. That was electric.

[Pat Godwin]

We have a skillet. It's like a big electric skillet.

[Tom Griswold]

I have a question. Is there a Chinese restaurant somewhere called can you walk the walk?

[Pat Godwin]

Probably.

[Josh Arnold]

I ate at one called Walk on the beach. It was on the beach and it was in Gulf Shores, Alabama.

[Tom Griswold]

All right.

[Josh Arnold]

There's a lot of walk and rolls.

[Tom Griswold]

Truth.

[Jamie Lisso]

Thank you.

[Tom Griswold]

Truth.

[Chick McGee]

Entitling.

[Tom Griswold]

Unlike most apartment complexes.

[Chick McGee]

When I was a kid, I drove.

[Tom Griswold]

By one the other day and it was Riverview. And I realized this place is six miles from the nearest pond. Couldn't there be some kind of legislation about this?

[Chick McGee]

We had four gas burners when I was a kid. And in the middle there was a griddle.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, that's cool.

[Chick McGee]

With the gas underneath.

[Pat Godwin]

Wow, that's nice. And that electric skillet I have, because my mother had one, I thought I had to have one. Oh, you know, you were talking about that how you had things from your childhood or you used products because your mother did. I have an electric skillet just because of that.

[Josh Arnold]

Tom and I were wistfully remembering. I forget exactly why the speckled roasting pan.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yes, the black one.

[Josh Arnold]

And I bought two.

[Pat Godwin]

I have one.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, yeah. I was like, I gotta get one. And I bought two and gave one.

[Tom Griswold]

To Tom for your Thanksgiving.

[Pat Godwin]

My turkey.

[Tom Griswold]

The old fashioned blend.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Speckled can. Wow. Now we have.

[Chick McGee]

By the way, I haven't heard from your mom lately. Christy. Tell her I said hi. Okay, thanks.

[Josh Arnold]

Boy, that just a chilling insert.

[Tom Griswold]

Absolutely no humor.

[Jess Hooker]

I almost cursed at you. Stupid.

[Tom Griswold]

Christie's mother is currently deceased and will.

[Josh Arnold]

Probably remain so not that long ago.

[Pat Godwin]

We haven't really talked about it on Air Fresh.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't think it's actionable. Although if you kick him in the bolt, I will approve it.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah, I'll hold his hands down while you kick him.

[Christopher]

Welcome to the Bob and Tom show here on a Christmas Eve. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. More Christmas stuff on the way today. Bad Christmas songs, the word of the year. Dominic the donkey. Josh is delusional. What else is new and lots more. But coming up next, Tom was right. It's next here on the Bob and Tom Show. More of the best of the Bob and Tom Show. Now Christmas Edition. This is Christopher in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Think O'Reilly Auto Parts for all your car care needs. Get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. Oh, Tom was right.

[Pat Godwin]

We have to do the. You were right dance.

[Tom Griswold]

Why?

[Pat Godwin]

Ace and I had lunch yesterday at your restaurant that you said had the best pizza in the city. Pretty damn good.

[Josh Arnold]

And we teased Christy frighten like a bird.

[Chick McGee]

She ate half a pizza.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, my God, it was so good.

[Josh Arnold]

Nice.

[Chick McGee]

Whatever. Chunkles, go ahead.

[Tom Griswold]

But the better part of the argument was Ace said that that area doesn't exist.

[Pat Godwin]

Right?

[Tom Griswold]

He goes, there are no stores there.

[Pat Godwin]

I was with him. I was totally.

[Tom Griswold]

You guys.

[Chick McGee]

You guys are going there. That was the.

[Tom Griswold]

It's.

[Chick McGee]

It's gone from there's nothing there to he.

[Josh Arnold]

He really building. There it is.

[Chick McGee]

He'll say anything he can. Not to be wrong.

[Tom Griswold]

He said there was. There was nothing there.

[Josh Arnold]

There's a freaking hotel there. Yeah, but there's no restaurant.

[Chick McGee]

Let's see. Here we go.

[Pat Godwin]

I didn't even know there was a hotel. Honestly, I thought there was nothing there but office buildings.

[Tom Griswold]

There is something there, but it was good stuff. Huh? Isn't that great pizza?

[Pat Godwin]

It was really good. Very good.

[Tom Griswold]

Very, very nice. Nothing like great pizza Christmas time. I say we made our own pizzas last weekend.

[Pat Godwin]

Did you?

[Tom Griswold]

Which is really fun because instead of spending. I don't know. 15 bucks for a nice to go pizza. You spend $60.

[Pat Godwin]

What ingredients do the girls put on their pizzas?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, that. It gets complicated. Yeah. You got to buy the right kind of cheese.

[Chick McGee]

Is it gummy bears?

[Tom Griswold]

No. Well, that was last night.

[Chick McGee]

We had a fairy dropping.

[Pat Godwin]

Did you do cookie party?

[Tom Griswold]

We had a gingerbread house building party at my house. Santa came over. It was amazing. I don't know how he had the time. Santa came over your house with Mrs. Claus.

[Josh Arnold]

Isn't it?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. To only have grown up a Griswold.

[Josh Arnold]

Something else.

[Tom Griswold]

Gross. Granted. Oh. Oh, yeah. The kids had a wonderful time.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, I bet.

[Josh Arnold]

No doubt. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

You know, there are probably some things you might want to edit out of your stories. That might have been one of them.

[Tom Griswold]

I do have a interesting.

[Chick McGee]

Scott only knows what he paid Santa.

[Josh Arnold]

Claus to over there this time of year.

[Tom Griswold]

Man. Good will.

[Pat Godwin]

It's good will.

[Josh Arnold]

No, not this week.

[Tom Griswold]

There may have been a gentleman named Benjamin involved.

[Chick McGee]

I don't know how you doing, Santa Claus?

[Tom Griswold]

But a tip for those building a house.

[Pat Godwin]

A gingerbread house.

[Tom Griswold]

I know. I'm at a regular house.

[Chick McGee]

Continue to break new barriers and narrow casting. Now, how about you people building a house? Go.

[Tom Griswold]

At some point in your life, everybody wants to build a house.

[Chick McGee]

Wants to. Sure.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, maybe you should work harder. Maybe do better in life. Got a. Got a brand new house.

[Chick McGee]

You were just making friends.

[Josh Arnold]

The everyman.

[Chick McGee]

Good God.

[Tom Griswold]

I'll talk to you. Josh.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes. Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you have a basement at your place?

[Josh Arnold]

I do.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay. Now I have a entire one entirely unfinished basement. I mean it is entirely unfinished. There's no furniture down there any. The kids, after they built their gingerbread houses ran around the unfinished basement all night.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. It's great.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

There's nothing down there.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, you can get the best you can get them. What. What did you do in your basement when you were a kid?

[Josh Arnold]

We roller skates.

[Pat Godwin]

Roller skates? You could roller skate in the basement.

[Tom Griswold]

And I spent some time yesterday one online. The basement has these pillars in it.

[Pat Godwin]

Sure.

[Tom Griswold]

Steel like.

[Pat Godwin]

So you're gonna put mats around.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

So I holds the floor up.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. You can buy these mats that go around the pillars so they don't hit them. I don't want one of the kids in the game of hide and seek clunking their head.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, but that's how they learn.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Didn't you put the piano down there there for them to play?

[Tom Griswold]

I did. That's. That's in my little officer. That's completely also unfinished. The only thing that's the only thing in there that it's actually plugged in. A little electric piano. Thank you, Pat God. You're welcome.

[Chick McGee]

I applaud your efforts. Trying to protect them. It won't work, but yeah, keep, Keep trying.

[Tom Griswold]

So far, the only kids who've been injured, my friend's kids. There was the one child that needed stitches after the knife incident.

[Josh Arnold]

Knife incident.

[Tom Griswold]

And then there was the. Than there was. Keep in mind, crashing of the electric motorcycle into a garbage can incident.

[Chick McGee]

Whenever he talks about a knife and anyone getting cut, it's the fingers almost cut entirely off. It's always 30 stitches or more. It's never just a snip.

[Tom Griswold]

Here we go. Just seven.

[Pat Godwin]

Seven stitches. Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

It's a brand new knife.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, I don't believe that either.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, okay, I can.

[Josh Arnold]

Being a parent has to be hard for many reasons, but one has to be because you want your kids to learn certain things, which means they have to hurt themselves.

[Pat Godwin]

Right?

[Josh Arnold]

But you don't want your kids to hurt themselves. What, at what point?

[Tom Griswold]

They'd gone to this special camp where you learn how to do all kinds of skills. And one of them was knife throwing. No, no, but. And there were certain rules and they were. I said, okay, we're gonna. After, after dinner we're gonna go do a little carving.

[Chick McGee]

So one of your daughters.

[Tom Griswold]

I need, I need 30 seconds. I gotta clear the dishes. 20 seconds later, they come running in with two bloody hands. See, they couldn't wait. So they did learn something.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, they did. They did.

[Tom Griswold]

And then there's that phone call to your friend. Hey, listen, I'm on my way to the emergency room with your daughter. Yeah, but no, no cuts last night. It was a fun night. We have a great show today. A special, special surprise guest. Very, very big surprise.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, wow.

[Tom Griswold]

And also we have our house band, it's Duke Tomato in the Power Trio. They'll be joining us in a matter of moments from the other room. But Mr. God, I think we could start off with a song. I was thinking about something. I got a nice note here about how those watching on the various places you can watch this show, YouTube, etc. They enjoy the fact that you're no longer dyeing your hair.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, wow. Years ago.

[Tom Griswold]

You've got that white haired look. You're being. You've been compared to the guy who played Jay Peterman. Oh, yes, Seinfeld. That guy. He's the dog show guy now.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

As that distinguished bouffant of white hair. But you used to dye your hair.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I Dyed a lot of stuff.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. And then did you ever dye the. The pubic region? I mean, your hair is like snow white, so I assume it's Absolutely. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

I got a couple down there. I had some on the forearms and the chest. I did the chest a couple times and.

[Pat Godwin]

Really?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You dyed your chest?

[Josh Arnold]

I tried it all. Vanity knows no bounds. That's all right.

[Tom Griswold]

And. But you have a tribute to hair done.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I died everywhere, man. Colored all my hair, man. Just for men down there, man. I used to die everywhere, man. Head hair, chest hair, arm hair, leg hair, ear hair, nose hair, lip hair, chin hair, neck hair, back hair, belly hair, brow hair. That hair above my ass crack. I swear. Toe hair, shin hair, cheek hair, ball hair. I dyed everywhere. Oh, I dyed everybody everywhere, man. And I didn't have hair to spare, man. It was black as coal down there, man. When I was done, pupes and three gray hairs, man. Now I'm as white as Santa. Oh, while I died everywhere, man.

[Tom Griswold]

Thank you very much. I was thinking about that. I heard some Johnny Cash Christmas music coming in this morning.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, very nice.

[Tom Griswold]

This is this reindeer controversy that Christy bro brought up.

[Chick McGee]

Women. Nothing but women. Reindeer pulling the sleigh.

[Tom Griswold]

You want to call them lady reindeers, right? They're not humans, Broads, female.

[Pat Godwin]

They're not broads.

[Tom Griswold]

The lady reindeer shirts. So what's the deal here? That Rudolph's the only male reindeer?

[Pat Godwin]

Well, I guess, if you want to call it that.

[Tom Griswold]

Why is that now?

[Pat Godwin]

Because the male reindeer lose their antlers in the winter and the females retain them. So.

[Tom Griswold]

The advantage would be at least the female reindeers will stop and ask for directions.

[Pat Godwin]

True, true.

[Tom Griswold]

Whereas the male. The male reindeer just go, I know where it is. We're gonna find it.

[Chick McGee]

When did the female reindeer stop their menses?

[Tom Griswold]

When?

[Jess Hooker]

When?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, when?

[Pat Godwin]

When they're dead. I don't know.

[Chick McGee]

They have menses all their lives.

[Pat Godwin]

I. I would think.

[Chick McGee]

You think they all synced up. I bet they did.

[Josh Arnold]

They must. I mean, they'd have to.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, yeah. That one terrible year where it landed. Landed on Christmas Eve. Almost quit.

[Chick McGee]

Keep flushing your tampons in the restroom.

[Josh Arnold]

That's why Rudolph's read his nose.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow. You were so happy with the joke, you sped it up and turned the words out of order.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, this is what happens when we start a show in the early morning.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I know.

[Josh Arnold]

We really. 10am is really.

[Chick McGee]

I've been a long time champion.

[Josh Arnold]

Later, later, that joke would have been fine.

[Tom Griswold]

And then when they read the transcripts in court, it's in the afternoon. You go, hey, look, Your Honor, it was.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, what do you want from me.

[Tom Griswold]

Early in the morning? Give me a break. I don't see you putting your robe on at 4:00am and writing this stuff. All right, now we have Mr. Chick McGee over there. By the way, surprise guest coming up this morning.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, really?

[Tom Griswold]

We're going to have some Christmas music out of Duke and the Boys. We'll also meet comedian Al Jackson. But right now, they're.

[Pat Godwin]

Did you hire Santa to visit us, too?

[Tom Griswold]

Santa's very busy today.

[Jess Hooker]

I know.

[Tom Griswold]

Maybe that, but he wasn't last night.

[Chick McGee]

No. He can come to your house. You have no idea how you sound, do you? Or maybe you do and just don't care. And you don't care how many people are mad at you.

[Tom Griswold]

It was the fourth time I've seen Santa.

[Pat Godwin]

Fourth time.

[Josh Arnold]

Way to ring the magic out of it.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. Hey, let's recreate this moment.

[Josh Arnold]

Do we have to see Santa tonight? That's what. Yeah, that's what you want your kids to say.

[Tom Griswold]

They were very enthusiastic.

[Pat Godwin]

Now we have a happy winter solstice day.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, it's the shortest day of the year.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. Okay, but it's beginning of winter.

[Chick McGee]

It's not really, though, right? It refers to something else, I think. I think. I don't know.

[Pat Godwin]

It's the beginning of winter in the Northern hemisphere and of summer in the Southern hemisphere.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, Christy was asking me if I knew what my elf name.

[Pat Godwin]

Do you know what your elf name?

[Tom Griswold]

I do not. How does. Is there a formula?

[Pat Godwin]

There's a formula just like everything else. This is very old, but it's kind of cute. All right, so, Tom, you use the first letter of your first name.

[Tom Griswold]

Name check.

[Pat Godwin]

So that would be T. Okay. So your first name would be Sugar Plum. Oh, and the month you were born. So your last name would be Sugar Plum McJingles.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, well, that's cute. Very cute. Sugar Plum McJingles. That's lovely. Very good.

[Tom Griswold]

That's like a name of someone who's not a felon.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You're gonna Trust Sugar Plum McJingles?

[Chick McGee]

Can I be like Peppermint? Hang down.

[Pat Godwin]

Let's find out.

[Chick McGee]

Candy Cane, yours first starts.

[Pat Godwin]

It starts with Bubbles.

[Josh Arnold]

Pepper.

[Tom Griswold]

Bubbles.

[Pat Godwin]

Bubbles. You're in November, right?

[Chick McGee]

Bubbles. Dong. No, that. That wouldn't work, would it?

[Pat Godwin]

Yours is Bubbles, Monkey Buns.

[Tom Griswold]

Bubbles.

[Chick McGee]

Monkey Buns.

[Josh Arnold]

Hey, Bubbles. Monkey Buns.

[Tom Griswold]

How did Monkey Buns get into Christmas time?

[Chick McGee]

I don't know. Monkey Buns doesn't sound like a name for an elf.

[Josh Arnold]

We Used to make monkey bread. Something called monkey bread in homec. So maybe. Maybe it refers to that fine dessert.

[Chick McGee]

So Tom's was sugar plum.

[Pat Godwin]

Sug plum.

[Tom Griswold]

Mcjing.

[Chick McGee]

And mine's monkey buns.

[Pat Godwin]

Yours is bubbles. Monkey buns.

[Josh Arnold]

That's a big red ass.

[Tom Griswold]

Doesn't sound very Christmassy.

[Pat Godwin]

There's yours.

[Josh Arnold]

What do you mean it's a red ass?

[Pat Godwin]

When's your. When are you born?

[Josh Arnold]

May.

[Jess Hooker]

May.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay, so you are. Let's see. Pudding. Pudding. Peppermint.

[Tom Griswold]

Pudding. Peppermint.

[Josh Arnold]

That's delicious.

[Chick McGee]

See, that sounds. Why do I get stuck with monkey bar?

[Pat Godwin]

Let's see what pat would be.

[Tom Griswold]

Pat.

[Pat Godwin]

You are jingle. And you're a December, right?

[Tom Griswold]

Wow.

[Pat Godwin]

You're a jingle. Pointy toes.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, how about that again?

[Tom Griswold]

Very Christmy.

[Pat Godwin]

Ace.

[Tom Griswold]

Have you looked okay?

[Pat Godwin]

Ace is. When's your. Oh, September. Perky perky pickle pants for a elf.

[Josh Arnold]

Look at old perky pickle pants.

[Chick McGee]

Pickle pants. What are you, Christy, trying to go together?

[Pat Godwin]

Let's see. I didn't look mine up. Mine is. Is cookie. Sugar plum.

[Josh Arnold]

Of course it is.

[Tom Griswold]

See, that's. They're all good. Except chicks is weird.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, chicks is weird.

[Chick McGee]

Who had jingles?

[Josh Arnold]

I was jingles.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, your jingles Pantyhose was Jingles.

[Chick McGee]

Mr. Jingles. That mouse lived a long time.

[Pat Godwin]

He was Jingle. Pointy toes.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, pointy toes.

[Josh Arnold]

We're gonna get you out of here, Magic man. Don't you worry.

[Chick McGee]

Like all the electricity is going off in my head.

[Josh Arnold]

Can you do something about this bladder infection I have? Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Come here.

[Tom Griswold]

And then aces touch your nose. Perky pickle pants.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes, yes. Perky pickle pants.

[Chick McGee]

And mines. Bubbles, bubbles, Monkey buns.

[Pat Godwin]

Monkey buns?

[Chick McGee]

That's not an elf name. I demand to be re. Examined.

[Tom Griswold]

It's not very Christmassy, but it's sweet.

[Josh Arnold]

It's the monkey buns you have a problem with?

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

How about his youngest daughter's birth mother month instead?

[Tom Griswold]

What?

[Pat Godwin]

What is your younger daughter? Oh, chicks. What's Ellie's birth month?

[Chick McGee]

July.

[Josh Arnold]

July.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, then you would be bubble sugar blum.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, bubble sugar right there.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, what do we got over there?

[Pat Godwin]

Christy, Holiday stories for you. A new survey reveals which pickup lines are most likely to work at your Christmas party.

[Chick McGee]

How about it?

[Tom Griswold]

All right.

[Pat Godwin]

How about it?

[Tom Griswold]

Now, is this like any Christmas party?

[Pat Godwin]

You want to make out or what?

[Tom Griswold]

That's the office Christmas party.

[Josh Arnold]

This has got to be a different, different non office Christmas party.

[Pat Godwin]

Let's just say it says a Christmas party. It doesn't say an office Christmas party, Tom.

[Josh Arnold]

Because those Pickup lines would be different, I think.

[Chick McGee]

Did I tell you. I told you my Christmas party story? We went to a Christmas. First of all, it was at the owner's house, which was kind of odd. It wasn't off site or anything. And we're. We had a very nice dinner, and then all of a sudden the lights are turned down from somewhere, and we're all sitting in the living room, and this performer comes out and sings like two or three Christmas songs. And it was pretty good. But it was a lady. Actually, a gentleman dressed like a lady and just sang the hell out of some Christmas.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, no kidding.

[Tom Griswold]

It was.

[Chick McGee]

It was interesting.

[Josh Arnold]

That is interesting.

[Chick McGee]

But it was in someone's home.

[Tom Griswold]

This was at your very first radio station.

[Chick McGee]

No, no, no. This was a long time ago.

[Tom Griswold]

Really?

[Josh Arnold]

Yep.

[Chick McGee]

Very interesting, huh?

[Tom Griswold]

Very unusual. It's certainly years ago.

[Chick McGee]

Certainly.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you remember what songs were performed?

[Chick McGee]

I don't. I'm gonna say Sleigh Bells and Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.

[Tom Griswold]

I mean, was it the serious ones? Was it like Silent Night?

[Josh Arnold]

You think it was this person transitioning?

[Pat Godwin]

Was it a drag queen Christmas? Is that what we're doing?

[Josh Arnold]

So were there songs like. It's beginning to look a lot like a vagina.

[Tom Griswold]

Thank you, Josh.

[Chick McGee]

I'm beginning to look a lot like Stephanie.

[Josh Arnold]

Eyeballs.

[Chick McGee]

All right. Why? That was one step too far.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Jingle bells. Chuck my ball.

[Chick McGee]

What are you doing with your ball?

[Pat Godwin]

Christine, According to the poll conducted by bestcasinosites.net, the standout pickup line was. Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

[Josh Arnold]

No, there's no way that works.

[Pat Godwin]

That works.

[Tom Griswold]

That's number one.

[Pat Godwin]

18.6%.

[Tom Griswold]

Well. Really?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

What does the guy look like who's saying it?

[Chick McGee]

Where does. Where does. Hey, do this or you're gonna get fired. Where does that come in?

[Pat Godwin]

I don't think these are office pickup lines. I think these are just Christmas party in general. The second most successful pickup line. Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only 10. I see that one. Man that's been around forever sour.

[Tom Griswold]

That sounds like a country song.

[Pat Godwin]

15.1% success rate according to the site.

[Tom Griswold]

Really?

[Chick McGee]

How much?

[Tom Griswold]

15.

[Pat Godwin]

15.1.

[Josh Arnold]

Again. Doesn't it. The person saying it. It plays a big role in 85%.

[Chick McGee]

It fails.

[Pat Godwin]

Right?

[Tom Griswold]

All right.

[Pat Godwin]

A follow to buy. Is your name Google because you have everything. I've been searching for these things.

[Tom Griswold]

These are.

[Josh Arnold]

These are jokey. Ryan Gosling uses these lines. He has a 98 success rate. Paul Giamatti says these things.

[Chick McGee]

It's 12 and he ends up in jail.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. Yeah. It's not.

[Tom Griswold]

It's not here on the Best of.

[Christopher]

The Bob and Tom Show. More Christmas stuff is on the way. Next with comedian Jamie Lisso. Come on back for that. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Merry Christmas from all of us here at the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. The best of Bob and Tom Christmas. Here's a segment with comedian Jamie Lisso.

[Chick McGee]

Tom, is it time for our Christmas miracle?

[Tom Griswold]

Today's Christmas miracle, we're hanging out with comedian Brent Terhune. But right now, we have some kind of a Christmas miracle coming up.

[Jamie Lisso]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, are you in Alaska?

[Jamie Lisso]

I'm not in Alaska.

[Christopher]

I'm in.

[Jamie Lisso]

I had to literally look at the. The address on my phone.

[Josh Arnold]

That's the voice of Jamie List.

[Jamie Lisso]

I'm in Kansas City. I wanted to say Merry Christmas to everybody. Your producer Jason said you guys were having. He's gonna have all your favorite comedians calling over Christmas today.

[Chick McGee]

He called.

[Jamie Lisso]

He said none of those guys are available.

[Tom Griswold]

Jamie Liso is one of the. The great comedians working today.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

What a great pleasure. How's it going? You look great.

[Jamie Lisso]

Thank you. It's going so good. I'm excited to talk to you guys. My beautiful wife is here. She's sleeping, but she says hi, and you guys were so nice when I came in. And I know everybody says my wife's a little too attractive for me. I want to tell you guys something I never told anybody when we got married. And she said, I do. The priest said, you do?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. We should expect. Not only is your wife. Wife. Gorgeous.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

She's also a physician, so that can be handy, I guess. Does she ever check you?

[Jamie Lisso]

She. She does.

[Josh Arnold]

Sometimes.

[Christopher]

She.

[Jamie Lisso]

You know, it's. It comes in so convenient. I actually had the sniffles yesterday, and it saved me a trip to the doctor's office. And I woke up, I did have a bill that was a lot higher than I expected. Somebody might not be an in network. And then I get a bill from an anesthesiologist nine years later.

[Tom Griswold]

Jamie. Jamie. By commutes quite often from Alaska to. To New York and to clubs all over the place. Are all of your points on Alaska Airways?

[Jamie Lisso]

Yes. Yes. I'm like a golden moose on Alaska Airlines.

[Chick McGee]

You know what?

[Tom Griswold]

If.

[Chick McGee]

If it's not golden moose, why isn't it. That's a great.

[Pat Godwin]

Right?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

What's going on with the hair? You've got kind of a cool little pompadour happening. That is really a good look.

[Jamie Lisso]

This Is a little bit of a. I, I'm usually not up this early.

[Josh Arnold]

I, no, it looks good. It's a little Jimmy Neutron.

[Chick McGee]

I appreciate. Yeah, Jimmy Neutron.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, since your wife, since your wife is asleep, I want to ask you, have you purchased a gift for her yet?

[Jamie Lisso]

So we don't really do Christmas gifts, but I do want to give maybe some of your listeners a little tip. If your wife ever says, let's not do gift for Valentine's Day, they're lying. It's a complete lie. And you still have to get a gift. And I was, I, I, I just tried to think of, like, what is the stuff that she, that she likes the best. And I was thinking about giving her. I was thinking about going out of town for a day. I saw a list. I, you're not supposed to read your wife's journal.

[Josh Arnold]

But I was looking for a gift.

[Jamie Lisso]

Idea, and it says, all I want this year is some peace and quiet.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Now, when, when Jamie was here in the studios, I walked into room and this is, I'm not making. His wife was doing a tele. What do you call it? Tele. Doctoring. She had a patient. Does the patient go, where are you? We're in the green room of a radio station. Put your shirt back on. There are boys coming in here to get coffee.

[Jamie Lisso]

Yeah, that telehealth thing is nice, right? She had always had a goal. She was like, how could I practice medicine and also not put pants on? Really good solution to that.

[Chick McGee]

And you need to look for Jamie's Instagram. He's got a podcast, pretty great video up there. Now, didn't you guys have get facials at the same time? And I don't mean what. You know what I'm talking about. You both had facials, right?

[Tom Griswold]

I do.

[Jamie Lisso]

It's a true story. My wife said she, there's certain things that happen with her, I think, not just because she's a woman, because she's a doctor. Like yesterday, she leaned in. I thought she was going to get going to give me a kiss. This happens all the time. She leans in and then she goes, that could be skin cancer.

[Tom Griswold]

Examining me.

[Jamie Lisso]

And so, yeah, what the video you're referring to is, she goes, hey, hey. We were, we actually were in Denver last week and it's a condo. It's like a beautiful condo. And my best friend was with us. So I go, we should all just stay here. And when that happens, you know, there's not a lot of intimate time.

[Chick McGee]

Sure.

[Jamie Lisso]

When your buddy's around and so she came out in her robe, and she goes. She goes, hey, we only got a little bit of time. I've been waiting for this all day. And I was like, all right. And I went in the room and she was giving us those facial masks. That's what she was talking about, these facial masks on.

[Chick McGee]

And.

[Jamie Lisso]

And she goes. She goes, what did. Were you expecting something different? Were you expecting. And I go, no, of course not. And then she. Well, why are you wearing a condom?

[Chick McGee]

Always be prepared.

[Tom Griswold]

Always be prepared. Are those. Those electric facial masks that make you look like a demon when you turn?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, the red light therapy.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that what that is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kelly has one of those. It's the first time I walked in, like, what are you doing? It's like, looks like you're an alien.

[Chick McGee]

Well, I don't know what's going on, but she's not gonna like it. You mentioned that.

[Pat Godwin]

Anyway, Jamie.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, my goodness.

[Tom Griswold]

Jamie Lisso was our guest. Truly one of the great comedians. I cannot tell you how much I recommend. I'm going to tell you. I recommend him as a double thumbs up, a comedian. Be sure to go see him.

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Jamie Lisso]

That's incredible.

[Josh Arnold]

And.

[Jamie Lisso]

And it actually, it was one of those masks, and she was wearing it. Once I woke up, middle of the night, and I thought she had turned on the new Predator.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. They're scary. They. They are absolutely scary. Well, Jamie, well, what a great pleasure. Thanks for taking the time and happy holidays to you and yours and safe travels. Yeah. What did you say? You probably spend more time on an airplane than the president. I mean, it's amazing. You're always flying. What do you. Are you a audiobook guy? Do you collapse and sleep? What do you do on all these planes?

[Jamie Lisso]

I do. I sleep a lot on planes. A lot of people go, they tell me, I can't sleep on planes. I go, the key is complete exhaustion and you can sleep on a place. But I will say, you know, I do the Gutfeld show and they really do take care of me. Like the flight. They give me the best. The best tickets. Like my. My flight on the way here from New York, my seat flushed.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay. Oh. Oh, well, now. So you're not buying any presents. That's. Now, that's very unusual. Is this a religious thing or. You kind of know, because there's some religions.

[Josh Arnold]

No, some couples just decide, hey, we'd.

[Pat Godwin]

Rather do trips than buy presents.

[Chick McGee]

Yes, real funny.

[Jamie Lisso]

I will say, when we. Early on in my relationship with my wife, when we were meeting, I don't know if you ever read that book? It's called the. The Love Languages book.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, of course. Yeah.

[Jamie Lisso]

And I remember when we were going over it, you could be like someone that likes receiving gifts or someone that likes going on trips. And my wife's. I remember early on she told me hers was acts of kindness.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lisso]

And I remember thinking, thank God that's the only one I can afford.

[Josh Arnold]

I can afford that life language.

[Tom Griswold]

I see, I see. Now, do you like getting gifts? Is there something that. Do you have, like a little list? If we were to probe something.

[Jamie Lisso]

I've been accused of buying everything that I want, so I'm hard to buy for.

[Josh Arnold]

I don't know.

[Jamie Lisso]

I wish I had it right here. I'm very into technology and I buy stuff for myself all the time, so there's almost like nothing to buy. I just bought a pair of these. Apple Vision Pro.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, really?

[Jamie Lisso]

Apple's virtual reality goggles. They are so cool again. And I gotta tell you guys, this is crazy. I bought these glasses.

[Josh Arnold]

They're so cool.

[Jamie Lisso]

And would you believe just today an article came out in the newspaper that said pornography will never be compatible with the Apple Vision show. Guy, you never be able to watch pornography. Now here's my question. Would anyone like to buy.

[Chick McGee]

Yes, sir.

[Tom Griswold]

That is really fast.

[Josh Arnold]

Fascinating.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I didn't realize they could. They can control the content. Good. Good to know. Before you.

[Jamie Lisso]

Yes, yeah, they can control the content and. Yeah, that sound.

[Josh Arnold]

Won't be.

[Chick McGee]

I just.

[Jamie Lisso]

But I love the technology stuff. But, yeah, I don't. I'm not a big gift guy. I really like there. I feel like there's nothing. There's nothing I need, you know, And I don't know if it's from growing up poor or something, but all jokes aside, I just feel like I kind of. I kind of have everything I need. And I'm. I'm very. I'm almost like a minimalist, you know, that's kind of a classy way of saying I was bankrupt.

[Tom Griswold]

But I just.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, nothing really.

[Jamie Lisso]

We buy stuff for the kids. You know, we got all the kids and we get them. Would you guys believe, last year, my son, I swear to God, every year he's getting smarter and smarter. He lost a tooth at my house the other day. And he goes, dad, as we're going to sleep. True story. He goes, dad, on the off chance you're the tooth fairy, don't Forget to put $5 under the pill.

[Tom Griswold]

Smart kid.

[Jamie Lisso]

And then I remember he goes, when he was on that cusp of like, you know, is this Real? Is that real? He said to me, you know, I really want to. I really want a PS5 from Santa. And I go, hey, those are expensive. And he goes, yeah. Thank God you don't have to pay for it, right?

[Josh Arnold]

It's Santa.

[Christopher]

We're coming right back with more of the best of the Bob and Tom Christmas show. Pat Godwin's Christmas song and Tom's Christmas routine is on the way. But next, more Christmas light talk. Come on back for that here on the Bob and Tom Show. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back on a Christmas Eve morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Some Christmas lights talk.

[Chick McGee]

There's Willie.

[Josh Arnold]

Hey, chick.

[Chick McGee]

And There's Tom Griswold, Mr. Pinkhead Cat. There goes old pink hat.

[Josh Arnold]

Pinky.

[Tom Griswold]

It's a tribute.

[Chick McGee]

Hey, pink hat. Hey, underbelly. Oh, no, it's yellow belly, not underbelly. That's what you'd call a underpants, though.

[Tom Griswold]

So excited, Josh. Big, big hockey news today.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, okay. That's fun.

[Chick McGee]

There is big hockey news today. You're right. You're right. He what? He's right. He's right. I'll give you a hint. He really enjoys it. And it wasn't. And it wasn't one of the players.

[Josh Arnold]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, you'll be finding out. We got space news, Willie, Some great pot news.

[Christopher]

Cool.

[Chick McGee]

Pot news.

[Pat Godwin]

Did you get here at 2:00 clock this morning?

[Tom Griswold]

I got here really early. Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Jeff and I are like overwhelmed today.

[Chick McGee]

You are bouncing off.

[Pat Godwin]

How many news stories can you do in a day?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, a giant tree fell on my street.

[Chick McGee]

Here we go.

[Tom Griswold]

Knocking out. Knocking out tv, cable.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, really?

[Tom Griswold]

And power. So.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

So instead of taking care of the girls, you retreated to work?

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, no. I got up. Up it.

[Chick McGee]

I saw that they immediately need me at home, so I came to work.

[Tom Griswold]

No, we have a generator. They got enough power at the house to survive. But no, I got up super early, so. Yeah, I got a lot of preparation.

[Pat Godwin]

I can tell.

[Tom Griswold]

Very excited and now exhausted.

[Pat Godwin]

I bet I've been up for four hours.

[Chick McGee]

That caffeine does that. It's the old bait and switch. It gives you. It gives you a big boost and.

[Tom Griswold]

Then I gotta get. This is a decaffeinated lemon ginger coffee or decaffeinated.

[Chick McGee]

You don't want decaff. I know, I know.

[Josh Arnold]

I gotta get.

[Tom Griswold]

I gotta get some real java.

[Chick McGee]

Get some real of coffee.

[Tom Griswold]

I found a new cat. A new, new coffee place. I drove up there yesterday.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh my God, Ace, I'm gonna kill you.

[Josh Arnold]

Those Poor people.

[Tom Griswold]

It's like 20 miles from here. Oh, it's great.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, it's perfect. 20 miles. He's so busy. He's so complicated. Well, maybe if you didn't drive a half a day away to get coffee.

[Josh Arnold]

45 coffee places to get to this.

[Tom Griswold]

But see, it's literally. It's coffee timeout, Mr.

[Pat Godwin]

Exaggeration. It's two exits up.

[Tom Griswold]

It's maybe five minutes. I was on the west side when I decided to go over there, so it would have been. Instead of the normal 10 minutes, it was probably 30. No.

[Josh Arnold]

Ace, you like this place? Yeah, he's. He's shopping kind of local for you. He texted me a week ago and he goes, hey, what's that coffee place you like in that neighborhood north of us? I go, I don't know what you're talking about. Ace, about a month ago said that.

[Jamie Lisso]

He likes a coffee shop in that neighborhood.

[Josh Arnold]

Maybe you should text him.

[Tom Griswold]

I didn't know you drank coffee, Ace.

[Josh Arnold]

No, I just meet my friend there. We.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, okay. This is your friend. This is your fiance.

[Josh Arnold]

Say no, Eric.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, okay, okay. Wait a second.

[Jamie Lisso]

What does take care of business mean?

[Josh Arnold]

He updates my computers and. Oh, okay.

[Chick McGee]

I thought. Hang on a second. He's. He's engaged to Eric? Is that what I just heard?

[Tom Griswold]

If you were listening, not care.

[Chick McGee]

I mean, that's okay. Love is love, brother.

[Josh Arnold]

We meet me and my friend there.

[Jamie Lisso]

And then we take care of business.

[Josh Arnold]

It was so vague. I assumed it was an illicit affair.

[Chick McGee]

You're engaged to Eric and you're making.

[Josh Arnold]

Love in the coffee shop.

[Chick McGee]

As you're taking care of.

[Tom Griswold]

I. Unfortunately, I didn't.

[Pat Godwin]

I didn't.

[Tom Griswold]

Didn't add any cream, so I.

[Chick McGee]

Okay, no, Ace, this coffee. Oh, my God.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

That's great. I made the mistake of trying to cross the street in front of that place. I know.

[Pat Godwin]

I learned that's very business.

[Tom Griswold]

Might as well be a free.

[Chick McGee]

Here's the thing. We've all banded together and we've kicked in dollars and nickels and dimes. We had a drive that we have various people in cars spaced out around the city that if they see you, they're supposed to run you down.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, it's off. So in any event, let's move forward here. I sure could use a cup of that right now. They're probably open and do a little.

[Pat Godwin]

Road trip coffee in here.

[Tom Griswold]

It's not the same.

[Chick McGee]

Well, how is.

[Pat Godwin]

And it's not a road trip that's going to take you an hour.

[Josh Arnold]

It would take him an hour as.

[Chick McGee]

Long as it gets them out of circulation. I'm for.

[Tom Griswold]

I have not had time to go through the overnights, But at this I, I. We have a nice stack o news.

[Josh Arnold]

No good lots to talk about.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I, you know, you're bothering us like you do your family.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, give us some time.

[Chick McGee]

Give us some time alone, will you?

[Tom Griswold]

Okay. Yesterday we got talk about this unusual situation I ran into over the weekend in which a friend of mine has a candle that smells like analog tape. Now I know that's obscure.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

No, no, no, it's. Why, why would you do that?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, it's. It's for all those audio engineers who missed the days of analog tape. And what was interest was it. Maybe it's a small number, certainly I admit that. But this, this store will make you a candle that smells like whatever you want. Which I think is really cool.

[Josh Arnold]

This has really captured your imagination, hasn't it?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I was trying to think for example, what would be a fun one to do. The only one I could think of was mimeograph machine paper which is. Goes back to what? When did that stop? 80ish.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Probably ask teachers pet. She's the one who worked in the office around the test.

[Pat Godwin]

They had it while we were. I was doing high school.

[Josh Arnold]

Did not have it when I. So yeah, 80s is when it ended.

[Tom Griswold]

The famous scene in Fast Ridgemont High. They pass out the test and they all smell it. That would be cool. I was thinking you could do like a Pat Godwin candle and it would. It would smell like a pawn shop. The. My candle would just smell complicated.

[Chick McGee]

You really can't place the odor.

[Tom Griswold]

If you've got a good idea for a candle, let us know.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you have a favorite smell, Josh?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I have a bunch of pumpkin different pumpkin candles, noodles and that's good year round, so.

[Tom Griswold]

And I do. Someone suggested baked bread. That's a great idea. And those probably already exist. I'm just wondering if there's something we could customize.

[Chick McGee]

Thanks for asking, but I. I like a rose. I like the smell of roses.

[Josh Arnold]

A mild rose is very nice. Yes, Chick I use a rose can.

[Pat Godwin]

Be a little overwhelming.

[Jamie Lisso]

I use a rose body wash and I think it might be in the.

[Josh Arnold]

Stocking of a Mr. Chicken.

[Chick McGee]

Is that right?

[Jamie Lisso]

Christmasy?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh yeah, buddy.

[Chick McGee]

I will enjoy.

[Josh Arnold]

Enjoy it. Oh yeah, that's nice.

[Jamie Lisso]

You know what I like candle wise?

[Josh Arnold]

The clean linens candle. That's very nice, Willie. Good laundry.

[Chick McGee]

When's the last time you bought a candle and lit it?

[Tom Griswold]

That's not my department because I am not your department.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay, that makes sense, though.

[Tom Griswold]

See, we have. We have a division of labor.

[Josh Arnold]

Right, right, right.

[Tom Griswold]

You heard the light bulb story.

[Chick McGee]

No.

[Pat Godwin]

Right? Where you had to go out and find the light bulb. Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

And by the way, I did find.

[Chick McGee]

Last I heard, it was a string of light.

[Tom Griswold]

I. I found. I found the final string of lights in the. In the. In the right color. So we're good there.

[Chick McGee]

Glory be.

[Tom Griswold]

I thought it would be fun to get some light bulbs that were, like, green and red.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, this sounds fun.

[Tom Griswold]

And put them on either side of the door.

[Pat Godwin]

That's what I do at home. Yes.

[Chick McGee]

See, now you're talking.

[Tom Griswold]

No. So I'm online. Kelly comes. This was a couple days ago when I still had the Internet.

[Pat Godwin]

Right.

[Tom Griswold]

Kelly comes around the corner. What are you doing? So I'm gonna get some light bulbs for the. The big door by the Christmas tree in the outside. That'll be green and the left or whatever, and red on the right, right?

[Josh Arnold]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, I believe these. I believe the word trailer park somehow popped up. I.

[Josh Arnold]

So perfect.

[Pat Godwin]

That's why I do it.

[Tom Griswold]

This is where.

[Chick McGee]

Tom, did you hear what just happened? I'm sorry.

[Tom Griswold]

I.

[Chick McGee]

Now, can you figure out what just happened on your own?

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

You just insulted me.

[Tom Griswold]

No, I didn't. She did. There we go.

[Chick McGee]

Well, that's.

[Tom Griswold]

But see, that would be like.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't care. My kids love it. They've loved it since they were little kids.

[Tom Griswold]

I think it'd be cool.

[Pat Godwin]

They want it there. They asked me to do it because.

[Tom Griswold]

I've got all white lights outside on the trees.

[Chick McGee]

Do you know how many tickets we could sell for Kelly and Christie cat fight? Do you know how many.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm not gonna fight count.

[Josh Arnold]

I have a similar color scheme in my. All my. Every other light bulb, I have red and blue, like, just all over my house. And then when people come in, I hand them 3D glasses.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, cool.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. Yeah, they can walk. Oh, my gosh. This looks like it's coming right at me.

[Tom Griswold]

The local stoners love trying to find the right lights. The other day in my garage, I found a huge string of orange lights for Halloween.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, but you just missed it, huh?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I didn't even know I had them.

[Chick McGee]

You put up lights for Halloween? Leave the country.

[Pat Godwin]

A lot of people do that.

[Chick McGee]

It's trail. It's trailer park.

[Tom Griswold]

Don't you think the lights next to the door, one green, one red, would be kind of festive?

[Josh Arnold]

Very festive.

[Tom Griswold]

I. That got the point. Is the same thing with candles. If I were to buy a candle and bring it over, that it'd be. Would be snuffed out immediately.

[Josh Arnold]

Can I say something? And I think that this is an important thing. We all need to listen to this.

[Chick McGee]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

You like to do a lot of.

[Jamie Lisso]

Good works for people.

[Josh Arnold]

You like to help a lot of people. And with this Kelly thing with the red and green lights, I think you were trying to help Kelly, when really the way to help Kelly is you ask Kelly what she would like you to do. Does that make sense?

[Tom Griswold]

Or just leave town?

[Josh Arnold]

I think in this case, the poor guy just. He was like, I think that would look cool and wanted to do.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, well, it didn't happen.

[Josh Arnold]

She. She put the kibosh on them.

[Tom Griswold]

But I would have been out 50 bucks if she hadn't come around the corner. Those lights.

[Pat Godwin]

50 bucks.

[Tom Griswold]

Those lights are expensive.

[Chick McGee]

Can I offer it should cost you.

[Josh Arnold]

Less than five a person.

[Pat Godwin]

They are cheap at the hardware store. They're kind of clear red and green.

[Tom Griswold]

Each one of those lamps has three separate bulbs.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, so you're buying full lamps. You weren't just buying light bulbs.

[Jamie Lisso]

You know, this is why he has.

[Chick McGee]

To ask permission nowadays. For 50 bucks, you could get three miles of Christmas lights. Do you know that you can. And can I offer something else? As far as Tom works Tom, his favorite thing is when he hires someone. If you can read his mind, that really comes in handy.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Because he doesn't want to have to tell you anything yet. He expects things done.

[Tom Griswold]

So I think it sounds like my relationship.

[Chick McGee]

That's what he's incorporating into Kelly. He's trying to read Kelly's mind.

[Christopher]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Which he's failing miserably.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, I. I would not deny that.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

In any way. Yeah. Whatsoever.

[Chick McGee]

Okay, well, I thought you wanted that.

[Tom Griswold]

We were talking about the fact that I'm. I'm very pleased. I've discovered not just one, but two new coffee places.

[Josh Arnold]

Didn't discover. Discover them. You were told about them.

[Tom Griswold]

They're new to me. You know, the same way Columbus, when he arrived in the Bahamas, he discovered them for himself. Yes. There were people there already. I acknowledge that coffee place. Fortunately, there were other human beings there, especially the ones that were making the coffee.

[Chick McGee]

Christy and Tom and I have worked together for a very long time. And to prove that, we worked together for a very long time when they invented Starbucks.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah.

[Chick McGee]

And if you'd have told me that Tom Griswold would be a Starbuck ite or a fan or whatever you call.

[Tom Griswold]

I like going to the local coffee Shops more if I can find them.

[Chick McGee]

But you, you always say coffee is out there. It's not in your home. And I.

[Tom Griswold]

That.

[Chick McGee]

That baffles me.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't make coffee.

[Pat Godwin]

I love making coffee. It's a virtual on the weekends.

[Chick McGee]

Do you have a coffee pot?

[Tom Griswold]

No.

[Chick McGee]

You don't have a coffee pot?

[Tom Griswold]

Nope.

[Josh Arnold]

You wouldn't use it. What are you going to do?

[Pat Godwin]

Yes, I grind my beans.

[Tom Griswold]

Someone gave me a cure, one of those cure egg things, and I gave it away. I don't want I coffee.

[Chick McGee]

Well, you broke this one.

[Tom Griswold]

Coffee's out.

[Pat Godwin]

Out there is another excuse to make your life more.

[Josh Arnold]

I enjoy both. I enjoy making it at home, and I enjoy getting some out every now and again.

[Tom Griswold]

But you enjoy a hamburger when someone else makes it more.

[Pat Godwin]

Sure.

[Josh Arnold]

This is why I'm pro hj. Like, yes, I can do it better myself, but if she wants to do it for me.

[Tom Griswold]

I thought you were talking about the place with the orange roof. What does this have to do with.

[Chick McGee]

If you run on a plank of pro hj, I'm voting for you.

[Tom Griswold]

For pro.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

Thank you. And Josh, even if it's a little worse than what I can do, at least she's doing it and I don't have to do anything. And just like my dad, when you can, you go local for the hj. You sure do. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

And yeah, shop local.

[Tom Griswold]

The mom and pop place, preferably.

[Josh Arnold]

Mom pops got smooth hands.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. And you're okay with that?

[Chick McGee]

Timeout. Christy has something. Dad, I believe. Tom, you'll want to listen to this.

[Pat Godwin]

Yesterday you brought this up, and I had to ask Josh in the break, I go, what's the over the waistband thing? I never.

[Chick McGee]

Over the waistband handy.

[Pat Godwin]

I didn't know what that was.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, like what it says it is.

[Pat Godwin]

It seems like it would be inconvenient.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, you still don't scoff at it.

[Chick McGee]

Okay, I was getting to my point. Ladies.

[Josh Arnold]

This is more inconvenient for her.

[Tom Griswold]

I think it's more. More of a bus station thing. Could we move on?

[Chick McGee]

Enthusiasm makes up for a lot.

[Tom Griswold]

I was trying to set this up. We had.

[Chick McGee]

She's grabbing at it.

[Christopher]

We're coming back.

[Pat Godwin]

Back.

[Christopher]

In just a couple of minutes, you're going to hear all about Tom's elaborate Christmas routine. It's on the way. In just a minute. Here on the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome Back to the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios and the best of the Bob and Tom Show, Christmas edition. Think O'Reilly Auto Parts. For all your car care needs. Get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Tom has an elaborate system on Christmas, an elaborate routine. Let's find out about that.

[Tom Griswold]

Evidently I've Chick McGee birthday month. I understand.

[Chick McGee]

That's exactly right. Thank you. I've hit a nerve here on the show about what we're talking about. Evidently at Citizens bank park with a film Phillies play, someone was not allowed in to watch the Phillies play with their emotional support alligator. But he was allowed with his emotional sport alligator to watch the Flyers play. And there's a picture of gritty holding the alligator like a four foot alligator. And Christy said she held a baby alligator and they were bitey.

[Pat Godwin]

They were bitey.

[Chick McGee]

Very bitey. And I said, mama, alligator's nipples must be made out of. Well, actually, Josh said, I think we all know. Know that alligators. Alligators must have nipples made of steel for breastfeeding baby alligators.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, of course, they don't do.

[Chick McGee]

Of course. We were, we were just speculating. We realized that alligators are reptiles.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Chick McGee]

Not mammals. And we know that mammals are the only ones that produce milk and feed their babies milk.

[Pat Godwin]

Right. We're not a joke.

[Tom Griswold]

We have almond milk in our refrigerator.

[Pat Godwin]

So.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, that just proves them wrong once.

[Josh Arnold]

Again, Tom, smarter than everybody. Tom, when you're right, you're right.

[Chick McGee]

So what do they feed baby alligators like meat?

[Tom Griswold]

Kittens.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah, Kittens.

[Pat Godwin]

Kittens.

[Chick McGee]

Kittens.

[Tom Griswold]

He says, doubling down.

[Chick McGee]

I applaud your tenacity. Elsewhere in sports, we've got this stupid world record. The company in China has broken the Guinness world record for the largest cup of instant rice noodles. Oh, cuppa cup of noodles. Is it cup of noodles? Cup of soup? Make people make cup of noodles cup noodles.

[Pat Godwin]

Isn't it cup noodles? Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, yeah. They relabeled it because. Oh, and you have probably cases and cases of garage. Right, Ace.

[Josh Arnold]

And now they're going to be coming in the cardboard instead of styrofoam.

[Tom Griswold]

What?

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I didn't say it again. What?

[Pat Godwin]

Cardboard.

[Josh Arnold]

The cup noodles have been a Styrofoam since they invented them.

[Chick McGee]

But now they're going to be repackaged.

[Josh Arnold]

Repackaged in cardboard. So you can microwave them instead of just pouring hot water. Oh, wow.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. And they had to do that. It was difficult to find something that would hold them that the sodium wouldn't eat through.

[Chick McGee]

I used to come into cardboard.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

How do you do it on the streets? So I'm sorry. So it's what is it?

[Chick McGee]

I lived in a box.

[Tom Griswold]

Cup of noodles.

[Chick McGee]

Huh?

[Tom Griswold]

Cup of noodles.

[Chick McGee]

What is the colossal cup of noodles creation measured 4.3ft tall and weighed 112 pounds.

[Josh Arnold]

This is rice, right?

[Chick McGee]

A cup of instant rice noodles.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

Noodles made out of rice.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. We've all had rice.

[Chick McGee]

Everybody eats rice noodles.

[Tom Griswold]

Is there a picture? Do they have the world's largest chopsticks?

[Chick McGee]

The dishes, though, distinctive aroma.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Which would explain a lot about how this story has made its appearance during sports.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Chick McGee]

The dishes, distinctive aroma, often described as fecal. Like. What?

[Pat Godwin]

There we go.

[Josh Arnold]

Here we are. It probably said chicken like or point.

[Pat Godwin]

You changed it.

[Chick McGee]

You changed it beyond honest. You chase it to fecal.

[Tom Griswold]

I did not.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Story. I did not.

[Chick McGee]

Fecal.

[Tom Griswold]

It's on the Guinness World Record page.

[Chick McGee]

The odor comes from pickled bamboo shoots, which are added as a topping despite the pungent scent of this dish's popularity. And the. The dish has a name, and I don't even want to try to pronounce it. L U, O L, U, O S I F. Luo sif ens Loose Luo siffness.

[Tom Griswold]

What's interesting about this here, I'm looking at the Guinness World Record page. They spell fecal F, A, E, C.

[Josh Arnold]

A, L. Oh, it's one of those things.

[Chick McGee]

So I don't. I don't.

[Christopher]

What.

[Pat Godwin]

Is that the same word?

[Chick McGee]

I don't think it is.

[Josh Arnold]

That go together.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

So was that called an. That's a Gaelic. That's a Gaelic thing.

[Tom Griswold]

The thing. But it's. It's then here. Down here, it says because of the pungency scent, its popularity has grown hugely, which doesn't make sense. But then it shows a guy standing next to it. It's a gigantic thing of. They put it in a huge box, like five feet tall. Okay. So there you go. The fatality is not why the. Why the Guinness people cited this as a world record.

[Josh Arnold]

No, no, no.

[Chick McGee]

It's why you decided that we should discuss it, make an appearance on the show. Show that. We weren't talking about Guinness at any point. We're talking about you.

[Tom Griswold]

It's from China. So I think the good news is, Josh, that they. They're using these noodles because they've run out of infected bat meat from their famous Covid factory. You know what I'm talking about?

[Chick McGee]

I have a prediction. I have a prediction for this next world record story. At some point, Josh will say, come on now. Okay, that's my. That's my prediction.

[Pat Godwin]

All right.

[Chick McGee]

Stupid World Record, Part 2. What do you think a man from Iran has broken the Guinness world record for the most watermelon stacked vertically?

[Josh Arnold]

Come on now.

[Chick McGee]

I mean, how many? Mr. Ashkan.

[Josh Arnold]

What?

[Pat Godwin]

Ashkan.

[Chick McGee]

A s H K a N. Thank you. Ashkan Rohala. Oh, that's only his middle name. Ashkan Rohala Dash Manziari achieved the record title after balancing four watermelons, one on top of each other.

[Josh Arnold]

That's impressive.

[Tom Griswold]

And here's the. Yeah, and these are the round watermelons. Melons. Not those square ones they grow in Japan. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

I saw it on the news this morning.

[Tom Griswold]

And what kills me, this guy looks kind of like Steve Perry of Journey.

[Chick McGee]

Seriously.

[Josh Arnold]

Come on.

[Tom Griswold]

Come here, Josh. Come here. Look at this. Am I wrong or not? I mean, I could see this. This guy going, you know, don't stop believing in me.

[Chick McGee]

Right there. Stocking watermelon.

[Tom Griswold]

Don't stop believing. I think that is Steve Perry from Journey and he's just. No. Am I?

[Josh Arnold]

A little bit.

[Chick McGee]

Why you say girl?

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

Huh.

[Josh Arnold]

Stacking watermelons can't be easy or necessary.

[Tom Griswold]

I think the unnecessariness of most of these records.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, they're little. Can you see my.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

They're the size of. They're bigger than volleyballs. I mean, they're.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, they're still round.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. But they're not real big.

[Chick McGee]

It looks just at first glance of a big cantaloupe. They're not. It looks like he working with the stem hole there a little bit. Is he cheating?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, they're not. Stem hole.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, yeah, there's a stem hole there.

[Tom Griswold]

Not on both sides. He's got him stacked.

[Chick McGee]

No, but he's got him stacked. Stem hole to stem hole. You ever have stem hole stacks?

[Josh Arnold]

Was that the ending of Requiem for a Dream?

[Christopher]

I think it is.

[Chick McGee]

Stem, but to butt.

[Josh Arnold]

But to butt. Jesus.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, the fact this is. This is in Iran, which is, you know, usually doing other unpleasant things. Things.

[Chick McGee]

Damn, Steve.

[Tom Griswold]

This guy may be the. Maybe the Gallagher of Iran.

[Pat Godwin]

Maybe.

[Chick McGee]

I still say he's balancing on stem holes.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

I think right after this photograph was.

[Tom Griswold]

Taken, the Iranian morality police beat the.

[Chick McGee]

Crap out of the guy.

[Tom Griswold]

He's currently in a coma.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh.

[Tom Griswold]

Probably die next week.

[Josh Arnold]

Hey, guys.

[Tom Griswold]

And that's the tradition, isn't it, over there?

[Josh Arnold]

We didn't laugh at the first part.

[Chick McGee]

We almost.

[Josh Arnold]

Was the comedic tag, if you will.

[Chick McGee]

Well, that's.

[Tom Griswold]

That's kind of the way they do it in Iran. Yeah, I know.

[Josh Arnold]

It's. He's younger. He's. He's a young guy.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, he Is looks like a young Steve Barry, I guess. That guy. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Okay, first of all, he's on the watermelons on the balance.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

It's stem.

[Josh Arnold]

Hole to stem.

[Tom Griswold]

There he goes.

[Pat Godwin]

See?

[Tom Griswold]

It's like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, my God, it is.

[Chick McGee]

Or Getty Lee. It's one of them.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. He's got Steve here with a slightly larger nose. Now, does he go for five? Does he try to get the fifth one?

[Pat Godwin]

No, he's new.

[Josh Arnold]

He knew that it wouldn't. I mean, the way that it's tilting. Yeah, he was able.

[Chick McGee]

Okay. That to me, balance him on the round side instead of the stem hole side.

[Josh Arnold]

He is doing it the easiest way you can.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes, sure.

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

It's still not easily dismissed.

[Tom Griswold]

How many golf balls could use you stack, do you think?

[Pat Godwin]

Golf balls?

[Chick McGee]

Well, I bet you could because the dimples dimple. The dimple becomes a dimple.

[Josh Arnold]

The dimple.

[Tom Griswold]

Is there a record for the.

[Chick McGee]

That stack, like the nine ball and the eight ball and the 15 ball and you're back to me. Stack those.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You're gonna need some sandpaper. Okay. Is that sports?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, shouldn't it be?

[Pat Godwin]

Huh?

[Chick McGee]

I mean, seriously, really.

[Tom Griswold]

Are you ready for some football? Huh?

[Chick McGee]

Haven't we done enough?

[Tom Griswold]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the sports outro.

[Chick McGee]

Have some fun with that.

[Josh Arnold]

This is what you furnish wherever you.

[Chick McGee]

Go, whatever you do. All always be a good sport. Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit.

[Pat Godwin]

Christy, if you have leftover Halloween candy, one dentist suggests you should eat it all in one sitting.

[Josh Arnold]

What?

[Pat Godwin]

Dr. Olivia Mason at Almost Heaven Dentistry told WTOV.

[Chick McGee]

WTOV?

[Tom Griswold]

Christy, you've got nothing.

[Chick McGee]

I've got nothing.

[Tom Griswold]

Where's it?

[Chick McGee]

Where is it? Tlv does it say?

[Pat Godwin]

It doesn't say. I'm sorry.

[Chick McGee]

Are ashamed of our city.

[Pat Godwin]

It's much better for your teeth if you sit down and eat your full bag of Halloween candy at one time.

[Josh Arnold]

How is it for your diabetes?

[Pat Godwin]

It might upset your belly, she says, but it's much better for your teeth. She added, the worst kind of candy for your teeth is the sticky, tacky, Jewy, gummy kind.

[Josh Arnold]

That's chewy.

[Pat Godwin]

What'd I say?

[Josh Arnold]

Don't worry, I'm not gonna say it.

[Pat Godwin]

Mason said it's better to get it over with quickly rather than the hang on to candy for several months.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, this is. This is one dentist.

[Pat Godwin]

One dentist.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm guessing that this is the one dentist in that survey. It's always what, a nine of ten dentists recommend crest as a decay preventive dentifress. There's always the. Didn't you wonder that as a kid? Who's the one dentist that doesn't recommend Crest?

[Josh Arnold]

The one that's in Colgate's pockets?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I rotate. I don't know about you guys, do you? Oh, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, that's terrible for your teeth.

[Tom Griswold]

No, I rotate them all.

[Josh Arnold]

You should never rotate them all.

[Tom Griswold]

I got your sensor and your Colgate, your crest. There's like five different kinds of crest. Oh yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Yet no wonder if you have like seven. That's terrible. Yeah, you don't want to do that.

[Tom Griswold]

You got to rotate it.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, it's awful for you. Stick with something that works.

[Tom Griswold]

Sensodyne, the dentist yesterday, you ever get that stuff, they. When you're done, they paint your teeth with that stuff.

[Josh Arnold]

The fluoride now.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Is that sticky?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. And you're not. You can't brush your teeth for six hours.

[Josh Arnold]

Right. And your lips get. Yeah, that, that is.

[Tom Griswold]

And if you eat anything that's glued to your teeth. I'm walking around with my trick or treaters. They think I'm in costume because my teeth look like they're rotting because I.

[Pat Godwin]

You got fluoride at your age? That's interesting.

[Tom Griswold]

No, they've, they, they. It's like a gossip.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, I know what you're talking about.

[Tom Griswold]

On your teeth.

[Pat Godwin]

Haven't had that done in a long, long, long time.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, I don't know.

[Pat Godwin]

We go to the same dentist. Same girl, Jen, Christy.

[Josh Arnold]

We fell for the upsell. All right.

[Tom Griswold]

So this logic. This dentist is saying, eat all your candy in one sitting. Which is a terrible idea.

[Pat Godwin]

Would you let your kids do that?

[Josh Arnold]

That's a terrible idea, right?

[Tom Griswold]

No, it's really dumb, right? This is like opening all your presents on Christmas Eve. It's wrong.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, well, there's.

[Josh Arnold]

Wait a minute.

[Pat Godwin]

Some people, some people.

[Chick McGee]

You really?

[Josh Arnold]

Not at my house.

[Tom Griswold]

Not a Christian tradition, of course. I don't know what, what.

[Chick McGee]

Sure there might be.

[Tom Griswold]

What? God. They're celebrating, but open presents on Christmas Eve?

[Josh Arnold]

God of joy. Really?

[Pat Godwin]

God of joy.

[Tom Griswold]

They wake up Christmas morning and have nothing to open.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You wake up at 9:30. It's pretty awesome. None of this 5:15 crap. Standing by your parents bed.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, you know, isn't that. That's the best part.

[Josh Arnold]

That was the.

[Pat Godwin]

You make your kids go back to bed. No, you can't get up yet. Or do you make. Sit on the steps?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, no, no, no, no.

[Chick McGee]

What's fair game then? 1201, 115.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, don't think I remember what my dad. We do is we take wrapping paper.

[Pat Godwin]

And wrap them to their beds.

[Tom Griswold]

No. And we seal off. We seal off the room where the tree is and then.

[Chick McGee]

Do you put your tree up on Christmas Eve?

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, no. The tree's been up.

[Josh Arnold]

So after Santa has come, you. You see the wrapping paper, we see.

[Tom Griswold]

It off the room.

[Chick McGee]

You go in there and you see.

[Tom Griswold]

In my new house, by the way, I'm gonna have to find a friend that owns a gift wrap company. Because at my old house, it was just three doorways, normal sized doorways. We have this one sort of expansive entry to the main room. So it's going to be.

[Chick McGee]

You do.

[Tom Griswold]

It's going to be pretty.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm sure you do.

[Josh Arnold]

You just have the help put up.

[Pat Godwin]

A big step that would take the.

[Josh Arnold]

Helicopter over to the Christmas.

[Chick McGee]

He's saying right now, make anybody else's balls hurt. I just want to go vomit.

[Tom Griswold]

It's just the. The living room is effectively the sweat of our brow. The larger point, Josh, is. So then when Christmas morning comes, we'll have breakfast and everything. And then after that, they get to burst through.

[Christopher]

Through.

[Pat Godwin]

You make them eat.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, that's tert.

[Josh Arnold]

That's. Yeah. Breakfast first is tor.

[Pat Godwin]

Are you kidding me?

[Josh Arnold]

I can't believe they put up with it.

[Tom Griswold]

No, I would throw the ball floor.

[Pat Godwin]

No, you eat breakfast after eat.

[Chick McGee]

Absolutely.

[Tom Griswold]

They get to bust through like they're. Have your frittata like you're at a football game.

[Josh Arnold]

That's a fun thing that they get to bust through the.

[Pat Godwin]

You control everything.

[Josh Arnold]

You.

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, no. I try to control everything, Christy, but I control nothing. Haven't you figured that out by now?

[Josh Arnold]

What do you do with your other.

[Chick McGee]

You know. But that would ask that. That would cause someone to ask.

[Tom Griswold]

Be quiet for a second. Pat's trying to get fired. I'm sorry, Pat. What did you say? Kettle said nothing. Kettle calling the pot black.

[Chick McGee]

Why do you keep trying, then? It's like you keep going to movies. Why do you keep doing this to yourself?

[Pat Godwin]

You make everything so complicated. Just let the kids run down the steps and go, oh, my God, look what Santa brought.

[Tom Griswold]

What? No, no, you've got to. They have. You know, when they wait and listen.

[Pat Godwin]

99% of the people out there, they're.

[Tom Griswold]

All doing it wrong. You're aware. State of the world right now. Tell me we're doing.

[Chick McGee]

When they embalm you, you're not going to have any say in that.

[Tom Griswold]

You know that, right?

[Chick McGee]

Oh, wait a minute. That hose is off. You need to run that up through my nostril.

[Tom Griswold]

And then. Now listen.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

I've on a breathing machine. Machine. But there's a 99 chance. Unplug him.

[Chick McGee]

Hold it like you're starting tomorrow.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm sorry. I'm really stunned. You eat breakfast before you let them open your presents.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

That is torture.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm surprised to hear that.

[Chick McGee]

No wonder Willie's the way he is.

[Josh Arnold]

No kidding. What would your dad say to you when you were in the morning?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Right.

[Josh Arnold]

When he was about to. He's waking up. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

He'd say, get me a beer before. Wait for the break. You had to get down a beer. I'm not even joking.

[Pat Godwin]

The only thing we did was make the kids sit on the top of the steps and then we would go down and collectively, as a family, turn the lights on and make sure everything was on before we let them run down the steps and. But we didn't. We had breakfast later. Gosh.

[Tom Griswold]

We've explained to them that Santa has sealed off the room.

[Josh Arnold]

My parents would go and check. They would go see what Santa got us first.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

And then my dad would come to the room and go, and. And we love this every Christmas morning. Sorry, guys. He didn't make it this year. You must have really messed up.

[Chick McGee]

Sorry guys.

[Josh Arnold]

Mess with you. Then you'd hear my mom, Larry.

[Tom Griswold]

That's hilarious.

[Josh Arnold]

Not great.

[Christopher]

We're coming right back on the this Christmas Eve morning with a Pat Godwin Christmas song. Come on back for that. This is the Bob and Tom show.

[Chick McGee]

Hello and welcome to the Mr. Obvious Show. I'm your host, Mr. Obvious and welcome to our special Christmas presentation of the Mr. Obvious program. This week, this week, let's take a trip around the house and focus on Christmas decorations. If your home's like the Mr. Obvious household, you'll be looking to buy that Christmas tree and install it in your living room. Perhaps you could be like papaw obvious and venture into the woods yourself with a nice sharp axe and cut down your own Christmas tree. And this is the time you're gonna want to start your Mr. Obvious checklist. You'll need to measure your tree and then measure the area in your home where you'd like to install your Christmas tree. Measure your tree and trim the bottom.

[Josh Arnold]

This is crucial.

[Chick McGee]

The bottom of the tree.

[Jamie Lisso]

Fit your area of your home accordingly.

[Chick McGee]

And have a very merry Christmas. Well, I see we have a phone call here on the Mr. Obvious show. Hello, Mr. Obvious?

[Josh Arnold]

Hello, is this Mr.

[Chick McGee]

Obvious speaking?

[Jamie Lisso]

Hey, Mr.

[Tom Griswold]

Obvious, a longtime listener, first time caller.

[Josh Arnold]

Actually decided to appall obvious as footsteps. We went out in the woods, picked.

[Jamie Lisso]

Out a great big pine tree, used.

[Josh Arnold]

That great axe idea.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lisso]

And chopped it down that way and got a big beautiful tree, Mr. O.

[Chick McGee]

Well, super. And Merry Christmas to you, Mr.

[Tom Griswold]

Obvious.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes, well, here's my problem.

[Chick McGee]

Uh.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, we got it home. Okay.

[Jamie Lisso]

And sitting in the living room, just great.

[Josh Arnold]

Cause I used that tape measure suggestion you had.

[Tom Griswold]

Great idea.

[Christopher]

Right.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, here's my problem.

[Jamie Lisso]

I chopped off the six inches just like you said.

[Josh Arnold]

Off the bottom.

[Chick McGee]

On the bottom.

[Tom Griswold]

Yep.

[Jamie Lisso]

And I tried standing her up and it fits just fine but, well, it.

[Josh Arnold]

Won'T stay up there. It just keeps falling over. Now I got a Christmas tree on my floor, Mr.

[Tom Griswold]

Obvious.

[Jamie Lisso]

I mean, that ain't Christmas.

[Tom Griswold]

Well.

[Chick McGee]

Well, no, caller, that certainly isn't Christmas. I can see, I guess, how you might need a little help here.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I sure do, Mr. O. Alrighty.

[Chick McGee]

Now, caller, have you tried standing your tree in some sort of container?

[Josh Arnold]

I didn't think of that. What's a container for?

[Chick McGee]

You know, to give the tree some sort of support.

[Jess Hooker]

Right.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Jamie Lisso]

Just like put it in the trash.

[Josh Arnold]

Can and that'll hold it up, right?

[Chick McGee]

No, not a trash can, caller. Something that's a bit smaller and that could hold water to keep your tree nice and fresh for the entire Christmas season. Something like.

[Tom Griswold]

How about an old shoe?

[Chick McGee]

No, no, I don't think a shoe would work for you. You need something a little larger that would hold water you could set your Christmas tree in. Now, stick with me here, caller. How about a Christmas tree stand?

[Jamie Lisso]

Stand.

[Josh Arnold]

Never made a connection. That's a great idea, Mr. O. You know what?

[Tom Griswold]

I think if we do it that.

[Josh Arnold]

Way we're going to be able to get lights around it and get ornaments hung on it where it'll stay.

[Jamie Lisso]

And we probably should stick presents under the thing.

[Chick McGee]

This is going to be the best Christmas ever.

[Josh Arnold]

Mr. Obviously. God bless you.

[Chick McGee]

Thank you very much. And God bless us, everyone. Thank you, caller, very much and merry Christmas to everyone on the Mr. Obvious show.

[Christopher]

Christmas Eve morning. Welcome back to the best of the Bob and Tom show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios, a Pat Godwin Christmas song.

[Chick McGee]

In this segment, Pat gonna have a song this time to Tom. Going to let him in?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I think so. Pat, you got working on something all right? Yeah, I'm ready to go. Pat seems a little down.

[Chick McGee]

I'm.

[Josh Arnold]

No, no, he's not down. I, I think here's.

[Chick McGee]

Here's Tom and Pat to explain why they're fighting.

[Josh Arnold]

What happened there was he. He had a song Ready? And then you.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, you did?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I've been working on something.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, I had no idea it was done. I've been. I've walked by him six times this morning.

[Pat Godwin]

You two never communicate.

[Chick McGee]

I've tried to. I've tried to. I'm doing all I can.

[Pat Godwin]

I know.

[Tom Griswold]

You just can't sit there. I do my best to not communicate with the people. People I'm fond of stuff.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, we noticed.

[Tom Griswold]

Give Kelly a call. You can't ask her about if you.

[Chick McGee]

Have a terrible communicator, you have a song, say something. And if you. And you know he has a song, say something.

[Pat Godwin]

Never step up.

[Josh Arnold]

Wait, why aren't we asking Pat? Have you communicated to Tom that you have this song?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, Tom.

[Tom Griswold]

No, that's not true. I just said that's not true.

[Josh Arnold]

Look at your text. Well, how about our conversations every month?

[Pat Godwin]

Look at your text.

[Tom Griswold]

I was in the coffee room.

[Pat Godwin]

Why don't you talk to him? He's sitting.

[Josh Arnold]

I talk to him every morning. Don't listen to him. He knows I communicate to him. I over communicate. Then I give up a day or two, then I come back. Okay, this may be a give up day. I don't know.

[Tom Griswold]

Pat said, oh, he had a song for one of the stories. Oh, okay. Why don't you do that?

[Josh Arnold]

That's not what I said.

[Tom Griswold]

Then he said, well, I said, which story was it? It was the one about the reindeer and the dog.

[Josh Arnold]

I told you I had a song for one of the stories that I didn't care for the way it turned out. And I wasted an hour and she was sitting right here and I.

[Tom Griswold]

Right.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Huh.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay, so you don't want to do that. Didn't want to do that, you know, but I had. I had something.

[Pat Godwin]

What do you want to do that you.

[Josh Arnold]

It's not going to work now. I'm going to come off like a big dick. No, it's got to have a likable audio audience.

[Tom Griswold]

That's the. We're on your side here.

[Josh Arnold]

We love you.

[Tom Griswold]

We do love whatever the song is.

[Chick McGee]

We.

[Tom Griswold]

I promise we will chuckle. Is this a comedy song?

[Chick McGee]

I've mediated all I can. I don't know what to do.

[Tom Griswold]

As if I had a hammer.

[Josh Arnold]

It was the night before Christmas. Oh, and Santa's in a daze. He's all laid back and mellow and acting awful strange. Was there something in those cookies in Boise? I don't know, Cassandra. Of saying ha ha ha instead of ho ho ho. His old St. Nick wasted did eat off the wrong plate. He's laughing for no reason Says the presents might be late oh, what was in those cookies? Santa's dancing in the snow.

[Pat Godwin]

And it keeps.

[Josh Arnold]

Keeps on playing Grateful Dead Instead of Nat King Cole that's the only laugh so far we know Santa's mouth I'm going ahead. Mouth is dry his eyes are red as Rudolph's nose He's stopping at Taco Bell has the munchies as the poor. What was in those cookies back in. Nada, Whore. Cause Santa saying instead of. Santa seems buzzed Santa looks stone. Let him sleep it off. Leave him alone.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

Santa Sant. Instead of Ho ho. Santa Santino said.

[Chick McGee]

Relapse.

[Tom Griswold]

I applaud you.

[Pat Godwin]

That was a lovely you. You.

[Josh Arnold]

We teased you and you just tripled down. Man, I love.

[Tom Griswold]

So Santa had a gummy. Is that what happened? Edible.

[Pat Godwin]

He grabbed the wrong.

[Josh Arnold]

What was in those cookies? I don't know. No laugh. That's the one I was taking. I know.

[Tom Griswold]

What does Boise, Idaho have to do with anything?

[Josh Arnold]

No, because all over the world and the turn of phrase. Boise, I don't know. Is great.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes. Okay. Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

All right.

[Josh Arnold]

Why did they do this to you?

[Pat Godwin]

You have a great song, and then they tear it apart.

[Chick McGee]

That's what you. That's what you came away with after that song.

[Tom Griswold]

Why.

[Chick McGee]

Why Boise, Idaho?

[Josh Arnold]

What's that about?

[Chick McGee]

Why is. Why is it a yellow submarine? I don't know. What are you. What are you trying to get to.

[Tom Griswold]

Because a yellow submarine would be unusual. Typically submarines.

[Chick McGee]

Well, Boise, Idaho, for starters, kind of singable.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes. It worked great.

[Pat Godwin]

It was wonderful.

[Tom Griswold]

No.

[Chick McGee]

And it goes. Idaho, ho, ho.

[Josh Arnold]

There you go.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, I see. Okay. Very good.

[Chick McGee]

You know what, Pat? I. I think I found the weak link in this. I think. I think I might be on to something from now on. You got a song? Give me the high sign.

[Josh Arnold]

I'll give you the big eyes. You do, Tom. Get joy out of seeing your friends suffer. And I. I guess I can't.

[Jamie Lisso]

Yes.

[Chick McGee]

Yes, you do. No, no. You get joy out of seeing everyone suffer. Friend or not.

[Josh Arnold]

I don't think I want to be with Tom. If we were, like, on a hike and I get into quicksand, I don't think I want him with me. Because laughing uncontrollably will laugh until it's just my nose.

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

And I do believe he would then save me. But he will wait.

[Chick McGee]

And you know what he would say when he would look down, he'd see your nose, and he would say, well, I guess we better get him out of there. That's exactly what would happen. There are some truth to that.

[Josh Arnold]

One of us is sinking in quicksand. You're going to watch us for a little bit.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

And laugh and maybe throw things at us.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I can't throw things.

[Chick McGee]

Just.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm going to be too busy with my camera.

[Chick McGee]

There are there, there are things going on, on in the sports world right now. And he's like, oh, boy. What happened then?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yikes.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, he's in jail right now.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, geez.

[Chick McGee]

That's tough, huh?

[Pat Godwin]

You don't usually go to jail for something good.

[Tom Griswold]

Occasionally people do. Not everyone's guilty, you know.

[Chick McGee]

Christmas in jail, I had a little too much to drink.

[Tom Griswold]

I always buy lots of lottery tickets as stocking stuffers anyway.

[Pat Godwin]

Scratch off, scratch offs. I do too.

[Tom Griswold]

And I haven't done that yet. So I just saw, I noticed the stockings were out yesterday getting ready, so. No, no, they were. I noticed they were sitting over by the fireplace. So that means it's time.

[Pat Godwin]

Are they hung by the fireplace?

[Tom Griswold]

They're going to be. They were. You know, this is a process now.

[Chick McGee]

You got, you have a, a, a stocking hanger guy, I bet, comes over.

[Pat Godwin]

And you don't have the little things. You sit on the mantle that have the, the little hooks.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes. But eventually I haven't spell out Noel or something. I just, I'm saying I happened to notice it yesterday.

[Chick McGee]

The hooks for the stockies, they spell out Noel and then you get spell Leon as a joke. I love that.

[Josh Arnold]

Was Leon here again.

[Tom Griswold]

You don't like that song?

[Pat Godwin]

Hang yourself.

[Tom Griswold]

The first. The first Leon.

[Chick McGee]

First Leon.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

You don't hurry up.

[Tom Griswold]

No, not.

[Pat Godwin]

We do it the same day. We put the trio.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, that's because you are a different religion. That's true.

[Chick McGee]

We, I have one.

[Josh Arnold]

Very funny.

[Tom Griswold]

Here at the Church of Santa Claus.

[Christopher]

We're coming right back on this Christmas Eve morning. Dominic the donkey is coming up next hour. And Home Alone 2 talk is on the way as well. But coming up next, Josh is delusional. More details on the way here on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Chick McGee]

Bob and Tom.

[Christopher]

Happy holidays from all of us here at the Bob and Tom show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. The best of Bob and Tom Christmas. In this segment, Josh is delusional. We got a Christmas song or two coming up.

[Tom Griswold]

We have so far learned that most people think they could land a large aircraft without any training because they're delusional.

[Josh Arnold]

But you think I'm a delusional person.

[Tom Griswold]

Typically, no.

[Chick McGee]

You know, there, there are A couple things you're. The strongest I can say is you. You're misinformed.

[Josh Arnold]

All right, I'll take it.

[Chick McGee]

Okay. But you're very passionate.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, sure. What I make up for in correctness.

[Chick McGee]

Exactly.

[Tom Griswold]

You're willing to buy into ridiculous conspiracy theories. Well, like many people are. Because they can't imagine that the randomness of the world. World exists.

[Josh Arnold]

I love the randomness of the world.

[Tom Griswold]

Everything has a purpose. No, it doesn't.

[Chick McGee]

That was a big point in that. That a day in the. A day in America where they did 9, 11 and they did President Kennedy. They. They said people want a big. Just everything has to explanation.

[Tom Griswold]

Right.

[Josh Arnold]

Of course.

[Chick McGee]

If it's a big occurrence, they want some. A big explanation as fall into that.

[Josh Arnold]

I understand what you guys are saying, but that's not me.

[Tom Griswold]

I want to be. I want to be a victim. Nothing is the fault of my own stupidity.

[Josh Arnold]

That is not me at all. I love the randomness of it. I love to think that there are things out there that we don't know.

[Chick McGee]

So you're telling me that there wasn't an Oswald twin? Is that what you're saying?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

All right.

[Josh Arnold]

Not a twin so much as a clone.

[Chick McGee]

Okay. All right.

[Tom Griswold]

It's the level at which people want to believe any of that that's so interesting. But right now, what's interesting to me is whatever's happening. The news with Christie is Lee Insurance.

[Pat Godwin]

Opedia has created a list that reveals some of the most dangerous Christmas songs to drive to. Okay, so if you're headed to Grandma's house this year, be careful.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm not. She got run over by a reindeer.

[Pat Godwin]

Thank you, Josh. The website cited a study that found songs with a BPM of over 120.

[Josh Arnold]

Lead to more per minute.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes. Beats per minute.

[Tom Griswold]

It's. Volume of alcohol per driver lead to.

[Pat Godwin]

More dangerous driving habits, which can lead to an increased chance of a road accident.

[Tom Griswold]

So wait a minute. This isn't the contents of the song, it's just the number of beats.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Chick McGee]

Well, you've always said this about there are certain songs you're allowed to Speed.

[Pat Godwin]

Radar Love, Golden Earring. That's.

[Tom Griswold]

Sure. Okay. I thought it was like the content of the song, for example.

[Pat Godwin]

No, it's a beat.

[Tom Griswold]

Josh, you said that you'd drive into a tree if what song comes on the radio?

[Josh Arnold]

Simply having a wonderful Christmas time.

[Tom Griswold]

I love that song.

[Josh Arnold]

It often makes you me want to steer right into a ravine.

[Chick McGee]

There are amazing songs he's done. That is not one of them.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, and that's Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

I would disagree. It's a fun song. No.

[Chick McGee]

Step into Christmas, John. There's a Christmas song.

[Tom Griswold]

Does anybody play that?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, they do.

[Tom Griswold]

Gets to me.

[Pat Godwin]

He's known for his Christmas.

[Tom Griswold]

Some of these really sad songs. Like I've always thought. Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas Christmas. It's kind of like. It's sort of like, hey, yeah, go ahead. No, no, no, no, no. You have a nice Christmas. I'm. I'm over here taking shells.

[Josh Arnold]

That's not what's happening.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm getting strafed over here and you're.

[Chick McGee]

I'm taking shells.

[Josh Arnold]

And I particularly love the Ralph and John Denver version. That's. That's the one that breaks my heart. Ralph the dog. The Muppet. Oh, it's wonderful. I've never heard that. You've gotta listen.

[Chick McGee]

Have yourselves.

[Pat Godwin]

And I have never met a.

[Tom Griswold]

By the way, to prove an earlier story where everyone thought they could land an airplane. John Denver. I guess that too soon.

[Josh Arnold]

They didn't have the one button then.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

You remember Elton John's Christmas party? Yeah. Face down, ass up. You remember that?

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

So what are the songs that supposedly are the most dangerous?

[Pat Godwin]

Number 10. I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. 129 beats per minute.

[Josh Arnold]

Mommy sure was a slut, huh?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas. Number nine.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, great. I'm over here being shot at by Jerry's and.

[Tom Griswold]

Wait a minute. That's kind of a. Isn't that a slow number?

[Josh Arnold]

Yes, I know. That doesn't make any sense.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't think it's a. It must be a different version than the one we're used to.

[Chick McGee]

We've got to get a new news service. I don't know what you're talking about over there.

[Pat Godwin]

Hey, this is not me, okay?

[Josh Arnold]

What's number eight?

[Pat Godwin]

I wish It Could Be Christmas Every day.

[Josh Arnold]

What the hell's that?

[Pat Godwin]

What the hell is that?

[Chick McGee]

No, that's just insanity. That's not a song.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, that's a maniac. Yeah, I.

[Chick McGee]

That must be amazing.

[Josh Arnold]

That's not special anymore.

[Pat Godwin]

Number seven.

[Tom Griswold]

I would just. The whole premise of this I think is stupid, but I. I think it's. What songs do you turn off? What's that? Emerson, Lake and Palmer one or whatever.

[Josh Arnold]

I like that.

[Tom Griswold]

Father Christmas. I love that.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, that's.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm a little baby. Because Father Christmas isn't real.

[Josh Arnold]

That's a lovely douche.

[Pat Godwin]

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer at seven. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. It's six.

[Josh Arnold]

That's good.

[Pat Godwin]

Happy Christmas. War Is over.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I know.

[Pat Godwin]

Number five.

[Tom Griswold]

Despise that.

[Josh Arnold]

So this is Christmas.

[Tom Griswold]

I love that. I do too.

[Josh Arnold]

Filthy hippies.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, do you have a song for us?

[Josh Arnold]

No. You and I do though. Let's do the Baby It's Cold Outside. You go, I really can't stay. And I'll be Frank Sinatra and you be Lana Turner.

[Tom Griswold]

Was it Dean Martin?

[Pat Godwin]

Anne Margaret and Dean Martin.

[Tom Griswold]

Dean Martin.

[Josh Arnold]

Right.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, sure.

[Josh Arnold]

But this is Frank's version. This is Frank Sinatra's version.

[Chick McGee]

A hyman in it. A hyphen in it. Did you know that?

[Josh Arnold]

Are you ready, Chris?

[Tom Griswold]

He's got a hyman. It's. It's dry and cracked. All right.

[Josh Arnold]

Sinatra and Anne Marvit. Baby, it's cold outside. Go ahead.

[Pat Godwin]

I really can't stay.

[Josh Arnold]

You're staying. That's Frank's version. You see, that's why they had Dean do it.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, that's somewhat controversial now.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yes. They've rewritten it and it implies that.

[Tom Griswold]

It'S non consensual and that he's trapping her. And take a joke.

[Pat Godwin]

Very sexy. Number one is Frosty the Snowman. So there we go. We're done with that stupid ass story.

[Chick McGee]

You know, we've done a lot of surveys and stories like nothing. That was the.

[Pat Godwin]

A family in Kentucky say they found an owl in their Christmas tree. An owl.

[Josh Arnold]

A family in Kentucky.

[Tom Griswold]

Who?

[Pat Godwin]

Who?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, let her get it out.

[Pat Godwin]

At least homeowner Michelle White told wdky.

[Chick McGee]

That's right. Donna Karen Television.

[Josh Arnold]

Is that Donna Karen?

[Tom Griswold]

Dkny. Is she still out there?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, they're still out there. I don't know if. Yeah, their clothes are still out there. That the baby owl had gone undetected for four days.

[Josh Arnold]

You know what they call a baby owl?

[Pat Godwin]

What do they call a baby owl?

[Josh Arnold]

An owlet. Isn't that cute? It's true. Owlet.

[Pat Godwin]

They're so cute.

[Chick McGee]

You know.

[Tom Griswold]

You know what they call. Do you know what they call a baby owl in. In the rain?

[Pat Godwin]

No. What?

[Tom Griswold]

A moist owlette.

[Josh Arnold]

That's. He's exactly right. You know where you can buy baby owls that are used? Where? At the factory outlet. Everything we're doing.

[Chick McGee]

I love. I love.

[Josh Arnold]

I mean, hand us. Hand us the Marconi now.

[Chick McGee]

I don't know. I think I might like the moist outlet.

[Pat Godwin]

However, the.

[Chick McGee]

The factory outlet is wonderful.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that. Is that true? That a little baby owl is.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes, that is true. Baby. Bobby Hayes, owner of Magic Car.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh. The world's fastest human. Bob Hayes.

[Pat Godwin]

Bobby Hayes was working in the home. Dallas Cowboy was working. This is not the same person.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I think it is.

[Pat Godwin]

Sit there and listen.

[Josh Arnold]

Chick made me interrupt like she's reading a book at daycare.

[Chick McGee]

If you're talking, you're not listening.

[Tom Griswold]

So. I'm sorry. So this is.

[Pat Godwin]

That's right.

[Tom Griswold]

They have a. In their house, they have a.

[Pat Godwin]

They have a live tree. They put it up. They put the lights on it. They've decorated it. Four days later, a man's in there cleaning their carpets. Spots the little owl resting on a branch.

[Chick McGee]

The name of the owl spot.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, now I'm getting here.

[Pat Godwin]

After snapping a photo, sending it to Ms. White, Hayes managed to release the baby owl into the family's backyard. Oh, I would have kept it as a pet.

[Josh Arnold]

Raised it.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Their owls are nasty.

[Pat Godwin]

Not if you raise them from a baby.

[Tom Griswold]

They're scary. Have you ever seen the thing where they have the camera and the owl swoops in and attacks the camera?

[Josh Arnold]

Awesome. I love them.

[Chick McGee]

They are designed to take the top of your head off with their claws.

[Tom Griswold]

Isn't that the premise of that one Murder in the stairway thing where the.

[Pat Godwin]

Guy claims came down the chimney?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, that's how they make owlets. They come down the chimney.

[Tom Griswold]

So this is the. This is the second one we've had that. We had one last week where it was a possum in the Christmas tree.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, I didn't hear that.

[Tom Griswold]

So, I mean, they had the.

[Pat Godwin]

You have to check your trees before you put them up. Apparently shake them out.

[Chick McGee]

You know, possums enter cows and eat them through their anus. Did you know that?

[Pat Godwin]

No, they don't.

[Tom Griswold]

What?

[Josh Arnold]

The cows. They will go. They will slither into the anus of.

[Chick McGee]

A cow and eat it from the inside.

[Tom Griswold]

Isn't that an old phrase? I need 12ft of that.

[Chick McGee]

Remember, I drink her bath water.

[Josh Arnold]

Is that true?

[Pat Godwin]

No, it's not true.

[Chick McGee]

As far as I know.

[Tom Griswold]

So I'm. So what'd they do with this little owl they found?

[Pat Godwin]

They let it go. They put it out in the backyard.

[Chick McGee]

I'll be home for Christmas Be home for Christmas.

[Tom Griswold]

You can count on on me.

[Pat Godwin]

Security footage. Captions.

[Tom Griswold]

And dead rodents by the tree. Do they eat dead mice or do they have to be alive?

[Pat Godwin]

I think they like them alive by the tree. I will be.

[Tom Griswold]

Everybody be home.

[Chick McGee]

They start out alive, then they kill them. They take great pleasure. They do.

[Tom Griswold]

Those people obviously didn't have a cat.

[Pat Godwin]

Obviously not used.

[Tom Griswold]

If a cat saw a live owl in the tree, weren't their presents getting all crazy, you know, dabbled in.

[Pat Godwin]

Maybe they didn't have Presents under the tree yet?

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

Do you have presents under your tree already?

[Tom Griswold]

No.

[Josh Arnold]

You have three trees, don't you? Three.

[Tom Griswold]

We have three trees. That's correct.

[Pat Godwin]

All living trees.

[Chick McGee]

Three trees.

[Tom Griswold]

We have a little tree and then we got the regular tree. And then we've got a. One of those electric trees upstairs in Harts from Electric Tree.

[Josh Arnold]

Got ourselves an electric.

[Chick McGee]

Get a horse.

[Tom Griswold]

We had a candle tree last year. Oh, then there's the other fake tree in the upstairs window. So if you're in the street, you can look and see the tree.

[Pat Godwin]

Did you get Hart's lights on her balcony?

[Tom Griswold]

You know, Oscar's coming over. We have to do that. He's coming over Friday.

[Josh Arnold]

I hope he's charging you $500 an hour.

[Tom Griswold]

He's just stealing stuff.

[Chick McGee]

I don't blame him.

[Josh Arnold]

He's stealing dresses. I tell you that. Just a handful of bras. Thanks, Tom.

[Tom Griswold]

See you.

[Chick McGee]

Thanks a lot.

[Pat Godwin]

Needed new clothes.

[Tom Griswold]

He's been dressing as a woman on the show. I'm sorry.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

No. He's a very honest man, Jeff Oskay.

[Pat Godwin]

He's a great guy.

[Tom Griswold]

He's helping me. He's helping me with the lights on the balcony.

[Pat Godwin]

That is very nice.

[Josh Arnold]

That is nice.

[Pat Godwin]

Security footage captured at a California home shows a horny buck trying to mate with a crossbow target. According to kmph.

[Josh Arnold]

A crossbow?

[Pat Godwin]

The owner of the cabinet in Camp Nelson found the rubber deer they use for crossbow practice have been damaged with its legs broken off. The owner told the station that their ring camera caught a deer wandering onto the property mounting the fake deer in an attempt to mate with it.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow.

[Josh Arnold]

Stay still like that.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, well, the humans like fake ones. Maybe I'll.

[Tom Griswold]

So the deer recognizes this thing as a. Mistakes it for an actual deer and.

[Josh Arnold]

Right.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I did.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm gonna hump.

[Tom Griswold]

How do they know?

[Pat Godwin]

They don't know. That's why he humped it.

[Tom Griswold]

I mean, if. If it had been a fake giraffe, would the deer have humped it? I don't think so.

[Chick McGee]

Think about it. They know giraffes. Come on.

[Pat Godwin]

Plus, they'd have to climb up on a giraffe. They can't do that.

[Josh Arnold]

Plus, everybody knows if you see a giraffe, you don't have sex with it. You just get.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, no, never mind. Just. Just save that one for yourself. Why don't you write that down? And then on your way home, pull it out of your pocket and read it to yourself and chuckle.

[Chick McGee]

What's the old giraffe joke? I thought that that was your. Because Your nuts are in your neck or something. What is that?

[Tom Griswold]

Is there a joke like that?

[Pat Godwin]

No, that's a Frankenstein joke. Is it?

[Josh Arnold]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes. Nuts in the neck is a classic Frankenstein joke. Cuz he had the bolts in his neck.

[Chick McGee]

I'm thinking of a giraffe joke. I'm certain.

[Josh Arnold]

Is it? He's nuts over me? Is that.

[Chick McGee]

No, no.

[Tom Griswold]

Something about your price necking perhaps?

[Chick McGee]

I thought it was your prices cuz your nuts are in your neck or your balls are high.

[Tom Griswold]

Sorry. Yeah. This place, this place is a ripoff. Your balls are too high. Yeah, that's the joke. You got it. You nailed it.

[Christopher]

More Christmas music is on the way and we'll talk About Home Alone 2 coming up in just a few minutes. I think it's about the birds here on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Chick McGee]

Bob and Tom.

[Christopher]

Welcome back. It's the Bob and Tom show here on a Christmas Eve morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studio. Some more Christmas music in this segment and we're talking Home alone too.

[Josh Arnold]

Hey, it's the Bob and Tom show from the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Think O'Reilly Auto Parts for all your car care needs. Get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. Christy Lees at the Silac Insurance Company news desk.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh hi.

[Josh Arnold]

Matching somewhat with Pat Godwin today. Yeah. A light brown going.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. Heather. Heather brown.

[Josh Arnold]

You both look terrific. Thank you very much. There's My gosh, look at him smiling. He's got a great mustache going on. It's Willie Griswold. Well, good to see you Josh. At the prize pick sports desk.

[Tom Griswold]

Not to make it.

[Josh Arnold]

Not to cut in. I love when you do intros so much. It's my favorite thing and it always makes me smile and legitimately laugh. Well, I'm happy broke me.

[Tom Griswold]

I was talking about it yesterday because Josh doesn't really have a plan. He thinks he's ready and then he starts doing it and then you hear these long balls. Pauses. Okay. I gotta come up with something.

[Josh Arnold]

That's not what I was doing.

[Chick McGee]

I wasn't trying to.

[Pat Godwin]

Positive.

[Josh Arnold]

Positive. Your dad's perception of what I do is. Is. Is wrong. But I just liked it because you called my handsome. You said they look so nice and you got to meet. There was a Paul. I didn't know if a dig was coming. Maybe I was. He thinks I'm unprepared and.

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

And honestly ill equipped to do this.

[Tom Griswold]

Sure.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm not. Not at all. I just like to have fun with it.

[Pat Godwin]

There's.

[Josh Arnold]

There's Ace Cosby that.

[Tom Griswold]

You got the names right.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm Josh Arnold at the I hate Steven Singer sidekick chair. And there's Tom.

[Tom Griswold]

Hello. How's everybody doing? We were talking about birds for some reason.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

And you.

[Pat Godwin]

We found out that Josh. Tom doesn't.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh.

[Josh Arnold]

He has a limited appreciation for birds.

[Tom Griswold]

I really like the movie Home Alone. I don't care for the.

[Josh Arnold]

The second one because of the pigeon. If they removed the pigeon lady. Would you care for this?

[Tom Griswold]

It might. That might help. Help me a little bit.

[Josh Arnold]

It's a fine sequel. That's the great Brenda Fricker. Brenda Fricker, Irish actress.

[Jamie Lisso]

That's just.

[Josh Arnold]

It has the kids dream of unlimited room service and what you would do. I mean that could be the whole movie for me. There could be no conflict. A kid ordering pizza and burgers and wings. That'd be a perfect movie if you're a kid. My problem with the. The bird lady is the end of the movie. He runs out, gives her an ornament and then runs back to his. Runs back to the Plaza Hotel.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

And I guess I've always wanted her just to go. All right, well I'll just stay here and be homeless then. Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I just. I just crapped on a rock over by the Essex house.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Maybe a spot of tea?

[Josh Arnold]

Please.

[Tom Griswold]

Maybe yoga. Clean. Clean pair of undies.

[Chick McGee]

I don't know.

[Josh Arnold]

Your rich dad doesn't have a contact.

[Tom Griswold]

But, but again, I, I do like. I do certainly do enjoy and enjoy Home Alone. But I'm not a fan of the bird thing. I, I again, I like birds from a distance. I, I. And I have friends that have whatever. Parakeets and cockatiels and big birds. I just, I don't want them.

[Pat Godwin]

That's fine. Every. That's why we live in America.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. No, I had a bird feeder once.

[Josh Arnold]

I had a bird feeder once. That's as close as I'm gonna get. It's because usually I do one chicken here. Because he can make you shut up sometimes if chick gets in your way too much. If he plays too much defense. We don't get stuff like this.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. We don't get.

[Josh Arnold]

I had a bird feeder once. Good point.

[Tom Griswold]

I used to live in a house. They call it a walkout.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. Walk out. Basement.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Where the house is built in a hill.

[Pat Godwin]

Sure.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

And the lower level is you could walk outside from the one side of the house.

[Josh Arnold]

You describing the most regular things can sound so funny.

[Tom Griswold]

The point is there was a deck the deck was like 20ft off the ground because the hill was kind of steep. So I spent an entire Sunday once rigging up a wire from the deck all the way across the backyard. There was a dam in the backyard kind of 100 yards from my house.

[Josh Arnold]

A damn what?

[Tom Griswold]

It's a fair question. Damn wire. Oh, wire. One time some drunk drove a boat over it. That was pretty funny. And he lived. The larger point here is. So I set up this. I set up this giant wire, right? And then I had a whole pulley system, right. So I could put the bird feeder stuff in there and then keep the birds away from my house.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, you don't want them near you?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, no, because they crap all over the deck.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Which was a. And it, it was fairly effective. The day that I did it, my third trip to Home Depot, the guy, the guy looked at me and he goes, you're inventing something, aren't you, sir? I'll never forget that. But. So I'm not anti bird, like I said. I just. That movie creeps me out. I don't want one birds landing on me. I went to my FedEx store the other day and there's. There was a guy there with a parrot on his shoulder.

[Josh Arnold]

Boy, that's slow delivery.

[Tom Griswold]

No, I went up to my buddy Sean who works there. I said, who's this guy go? He comes in here all the time. So if you have a. Isn't the parrot gonna poop all over your shirt?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, yeah. That's just probably price you have to pay. It is.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm not paying that. Well, that leads to this, as Josh has called. This is a perfect so called comedy bit. This really is. Every word is in the right place. This is Randy Lubas and one of the absolute clowns classics. It's. I think we call it the real twelve days of Christmas.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, you play that and I hate to sound like a Scrooge, but.

[Chick McGee]

I used to work in a department.

[Jamie Lisso]

Store and I used to sit there.

[Chick McGee]

For an eight hour shift and have.

[Josh Arnold]

To listen to that Muzak Christmas tape over and over. And they would play the single most annoying song known to man. You all know that song. I'm talking that song, the twelve Days of Christmas. Now, first off, guys, I don't believe this song.

[Tom Griswold]

I can't believe that.

[Pat Godwin]

Anyone?

[Tom Griswold]

Anybody?

[Josh Arnold]

Is this into birds? All right, think about it, Tom. On the seventh day alone, this guy's getting seven swans, a swimming, six geese, a lay in, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge that's 23 birds. Who is this man? Alfred Hitchcock? By the 12th day, he's accumulated 42 swans, a swimming, 42 geese, a laying, 36 calling birds, 30 French hens, 22 turtle doves and 12 partridges. Now I hope this man's got a newspaper subscription cuz that's 184 birds. And we didn't even take into consideration those geese are a laying. Some of those eggs will be a hatching. Hey, and if that's not bad enough, come the eighth day they start sending in show business people. Yeah. Ladies dancing drummers, drumming pipers. Piper. Lord's a leaping. All right, Bob, I'll accept that they're in show business. They're used to working around the holidays. But what about those poor maids of Milkin? They ought to be home with their family on Christmas, not yanking on a cow. I can just see him sitting there on their stool. He brings in one more stinking bird and I'll be damned if I'm picking those pears.

[Tom Griswold]

Randy Lubas and an absolute gem. Thank you very much. Randy. Always loved that piece. And that was something every year that I find really irritating.

[Josh Arnold]

What's that?

[Pat Godwin]

What's that?

[Tom Griswold]

Sorry, it's when the, the TV news guy comes on. Hey, we got Wilbur Smith. Now the price. How much is the 12 days of Christmas this year?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I always like that. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh God.

[Josh Arnold]

Nice yardstick for how the economy's doing.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. The one, the one story where I'd like to have see the newscaster picked off with a rifle is when they, when they, when they do the one every year about. Well, they say that people watching the NCAA college basketball tournament is gonna, the productivity of our country is gonna. We're gonna have a depression because, you know, and then it's Christmas with the companies like Christmas gray and shafting or something and they start talking about the lack of productivity. Hey, we have to have a little bit of fun. Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

No, I like that one too because I, I think it's important to point out to menial workers that they. Enough.

[Tom Griswold]

How dare you take a break and watch a basketball game for five minutes.

[Josh Arnold]

I mean, morale does a lot with productivity. It would be so cool if the news anchor while reading that was like, you know what? Screw this. Lights a cigarette on here. I don't want to work hard anymore. Losing of you guys.

[Tom Griswold]

What if the newscaster lit a smoke, grabbed a beer and popped the game on? You know, I could read about the latest murder downtown, but let's watch, let's watch some poops. So now that I've said I hate the story. It is founded here.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, the Christmas version.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Here. And I'll read it verbatim.

[Josh Arnold]

It really is so arbitrary.

[Tom Griswold]

And now you can guess. Oh, Christie will know this one. What now? Think about what's on the 12 days of Christmas. It includes five golden rings.

[Josh Arnold]

Those have got to be up.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. As a matter of fact, 32.5% more expensive for the golden rings since last year.

[Josh Arnold]

Nice.

[Tom Griswold]

That's staggering.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Overall, of course, the cost of celebrating Christmas is climbing again. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's apparently overall 4.5.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, when you read it like that, it is kind of annoying.

[Chick McGee]

And I.

[Tom Griswold]

When they do it, I want to know, are they leasing, like, the exact maids of milking. They go back to civil war era human ownership. We're all having fun, man. So anyway, do you change the channel if you're listening to one of those Christmas radio shows and the. That song comes on 12 days of Christmas?

[Josh Arnold]

You know, I. I'll be young. I don't hear it very often. No, I think they kind of know. Yeah, they know.

[Pat Godwin]

I was kind of surprised that there are so many different Christmas channels now. Yeah, I had no idea.

[Tom Griswold]

And every. Every city has at least. Least two.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, but there's like a soul Christmas.

[Tom Griswold]

That's a good one.

[Pat Godwin]

That is a good one. Smokey Robinson.

[Tom Griswold]

That's a good one. Yeah. But then there's also the all instrumental ones.

[Pat Godwin]

There's. Yes. There's the standard favorites, and there's the.

[Tom Griswold]

Kind of solemn ones where they don't segue from Silent Night into Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer.

[Josh Arnold]

Did you guys sing along?

[Pat Godwin]

Of course.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Why wouldn't you?

[Josh Arnold]

Yes. I'm like an annoying theater kid. I'm harmonizing. I'm the worst. Yeah, I'll go a third above myself.

[Pat Godwin]

I actually listen to Christmas music on the way in today. I haven't done that.

[Christopher]

Fun.

[Pat Godwin]

It was very fun.

[Jamie Lisso]

Christy.

[Pat Godwin]

Here's some Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra.

[Josh Arnold]

That is adorable. I am so jealous of your little cartoon doll life. You in just listening to Christmas music.

[Chick McGee]

Have you.

[Tom Griswold]

Have you heard the. I know you like Dean Martin. I do, too. But if you're Dean Martin, his version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. He calls him Rudy.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, he does. That's hilarious.

[Tom Griswold]

Nobody else could get away with that.

[Josh Arnold]

He had three beers. He was having fun. Let him go.

[Pat Godwin]

I loved it.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, apparently he kind of breezed through almost everything. I guess for that TV show, he'd show up five minutes before it started.

[Pat Godwin]

Good for him.

[Tom Griswold]

And read up. Read. Just read the cards.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. They were all kind of. Sinatra, the direct. Any movie director would be like, let's get another take. He'd go, no, no, we got it. They were just like, damn it. Even in the recording studio was frustrated with Frank.

[Pat Godwin]

Can you imagine having that kind of cool being that cool?

[Tom Griswold]

It's hard. It's a burden.

[Josh Arnold]

I bet.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

It's more, isn't it?

[Josh Arnold]

Look at you over there with your Bahamas canvas. Or sat on Mr.

[Christopher]

Cool.

[Josh Arnold]

Sinatra screws up in New York.

[Tom Griswold]

New York.

[Josh Arnold]

And they just kept it.

[Tom Griswold]

He. He repeated a line at the end famously. Yeah, he doesn't. He doesn't get the end right. And they didn't fix it.

[Josh Arnold]

Imagine that. Tell him he didn't get the end right.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. I don't think Willie's heard us. Contra's version. We were talking yesterday about that controversy. It started, I think, six or seven years ago.

[Pat Godwin]

I can tell you exactly when it was. 2018.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, it was. And it was a radio station in Ohio made a real big deal out of not playing Baby, it's Cold out, the song. Baby, It's Cold Outside. And they went into this whole thing about date rape and got real serious. Yeah. And Frank Sinatra did a famous version.

[Pat Godwin]

Of the song with Ann Margaret.

[Josh Arnold]

Could have just said it was controversial.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Consent. There's such a better way to say it. Needles into our ears with those two.

[Tom Griswold]

Words.

[Josh Arnold]

Before the setup for a bit.

[Pat Godwin]

Thanks.

[Tom Griswold]

See, this is Throw me under the date rate. Plus, this is. Yeah, this is Pat. They can't appreciate the warm water. Go ahead, give him the cold water.

[Josh Arnold]

Go ahead, Pat. Make light of date. Right.

[Tom Griswold]

This is.

[Josh Arnold]

You've got a hilarious song. Talk about this topic.

[Tom Griswold]

It's only. We only talk about roofies for about 30 seconds, but go. Go ahead. How would it go?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, Sinatra and Anne Margaret, of course, did a version, and it goes something like this.

[Pat Godwin]

I really can't stay.

[Josh Arnold]

You're staying.

[Tom Griswold]

Thank you very much. Well, glad to have you here. Thanks for coming along. Yeah, I sing along, too. Although there's. I've been having some issues with my. Especially my left ear from wearing headphones all these years. They did that one song. Do you hear what I hear? No, turn it up. I can't hear anything in this. What a drag. Do you have a good ear and a bad ear?

[Pat Godwin]

Yes. In fact, I'm going to the doctor. My right ear is really bad.

[Christopher]

Huh?

[Pat Godwin]

Real bad.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, do you find. And I don't want to get too personal.

[Josh Arnold]

I. Actually, there's music Going on right now.

[Chick McGee]

There is.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that me?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

That's your baddie or there.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that it?

[Josh Arnold]

Yes. You fixed it. This show is a real team.

[Tom Griswold]

Tell Eddie that this.

[Josh Arnold]

Tell Eddie and Jason hit you with a hammer.

[Tom Griswold]

Tell Eddie, our engineer, that apparently the potentiometer number five is leaking.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, not number five.

[Tom Griswold]

I was jamming to some Ray Bryant. The Ray Bryant Trio. Highly recommend.

[Pat Godwin]

You certainly were this morning.

[Tom Griswold]

Love the Ray.

[Pat Godwin]

Brian.

[Josh Arnold]

You love getting here early and just rocking out a little bit, doing some homework.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, no, it's not rocking.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, really?

[Jamie Lisso]

What is it?

[Tom Griswold]

It's jazz.

[Josh Arnold]

It's meth. Jazz. Jazz.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, it's just great now. It's kind of the kind of stuff you'd hear in a Woody Allen movie. Nice jazz piano.

[Josh Arnold]

You love Woody Allen, man.

[Tom Griswold]

What was I gonna mention?

[Josh Arnold]

Just the way he's chosen to live his life.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, I know. Christian, the bedroom.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

If you have one. If you have. If you have one ear. That's better. Better than the other.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yes.

[Tom Griswold]

I may have to lobby to switch sides. I.

[Pat Godwin]

It's so funny you bring this.

[Tom Griswold]

Last week when I go, pat, What Excite Pat. Imagine that you had a woman you were sleeping with as opposed to someone you'd paid a fee to to come.

[Josh Arnold]

Over for a brief flick. I thought that was Josh's territory. He's a bully doll. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I do have a great Josh insult coming up. I'm so excited about it.

[Pat Godwin]

You've been sitting on it all day.

[Tom Griswold]

No, I thought of it while listening to some cool jazz this morning. I'm so excited for it. It is such a stretch. It is such a terrible job.

[Josh Arnold]

How does that make you feel, knowing that while you're not here, he thinks of an insult so good, and he writes it down and it makes him smile a little bit. Well, he. There are mornings we're in the green room, we'll run into each other, and he'll go, oh, boy, do I have a good joke for you later.

[Tom Griswold]

And I originally wrote it for Pat.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah. I lost too much weight, so now you got to send it Josh's way.

[Tom Griswold]

No, I just thought it was. I thought Josh will be as angry because it's. Clearly I'm joking. But my point was going to be if I was going to make one, I always sleep on as. As if you're lying down on your back in the bed. I'm always on the right. Right side.

[Pat Godwin]

Me, too.

[Tom Griswold]

In a hotel, wherever it is, Kelly's there. I'm here.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, all right.

[Tom Griswold]

But my left ear is the Bad one. So.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, if she's perfect.

[Tom Griswold]

If she's talking to me. Thank you, Josh. Do we have that on tape?

[Josh Arnold]

I can't believe you didn't make that joke. I can't believe you waited for him to make that joke.

[Christopher]

We are coming right back with Dominic the Donkey on this Christmas Eve morning and some listener letters next here on the Bob and Tom Show. A good Wednesday morning to you and merry Christmas. This is the Bob and Tom show and this is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. Some listener letters leads to Dominic the Donkey.

[Chick McGee]

Dear Bob and Tom show, go back to listener emails. I just want to thank Chick and the rest of you for providing me best Christmas music I've never heard before. For the third strike. Great year. A year or two ago it was. And then, good morning, Coach Moore. And then a couple years ago, it was a zombie Christmas.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, that's one of ours. Yep.

[Jamie Lisso]

Yep.

[Chick McGee]

He loved that one. And now, of course, it is Dominic. Christy wondering, wanted to hear Pepino, the Italian Mouse, which is another big hit from Lou Monty.

[Tom Griswold]

And.

[Chick McGee]

And here it is.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, I'm out.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm in 100.

[Pat Godwin]

Find yourself another house to run around and play.

[Josh Arnold]

I love it.

[Tom Griswold]

You scare my girl, you eat my.

[Josh Arnold]

Cheese, you, you even drink my wine. So hard to catch you, but you.

[Tom Griswold]

Trick me all the time.

[Chick McGee]

Ah, but he doesn't. The mouse doesn't come back. How you doing, Tom?

[Tom Griswold]

Wow, that stinks, man.

[Josh Arnold]

My story, we're live.

[Pat Godwin]

We're learning all about mice living in the woods. Now I have a little.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, is that right?

[Pat Godwin]

Yes. And I have to put them in little plastic bags and put them in the trash. Trash with these little cute little eyes.

[Josh Arnold]

What, are they just dying outside?

[Chick McGee]

Well, are they suffocating the plastic bag?

[Pat Godwin]

No, they're already dead.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you have a traditional mousetrap with the spring?

[Pat Godwin]

No, we. We used bait.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, that's no fun.

[Pat Godwin]

I know. Because that spring sound, it just. I can't.

[Josh Arnold]

Sometimes it's followed by a high pitched squeal.

[Tom Griswold]

That's when your cat, Your cat's been playing with it.

[Pat Godwin]

I like, want a cat so badly, but I've been out.

[Chick McGee]

Did I tell you that we were going to have a listener email from Ecuador?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, no.

[Pat Godwin]

Really?

[Chick McGee]

Hello from Ecuador. Okay, this guy's name's Junior. I did a little digging. Junior said. Or as Tom would say, I did some homework. Yes, I like J.R. singer. Lou Monty was born in Little Italy in New York City. His hit song, Dominic the Donkey has long been rumored to have ties to the Gambino and Genovese crime families. That's what it said.

[Josh Arnold]

Says I have no doubt. Play my record Roulette.

[Chick McGee]

The label, Roulette Records put out Dominic the Donkey.

[Josh Arnold]

They have to do something with that money.

[Chick McGee]

Dominic the Donkey specifically created the launder money.

[Josh Arnold]

There.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, right there. Yes, sir. We. We're doing our part.

[Jamie Lisso]

Hey.

[Tom Griswold]

I see nothing.

[Chick McGee]

I don't hear. Hear anything. I think it's a fine song. Dear Bob and Tom Show. I heard Tom talking about walkie talkies for his daughters.

[Pat Godwin]

Yep.

[Chick McGee]

And you did talk to me in a text a couple days ago. You said, roger that. And you said no.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, we got everyone who's ever gotten their kids walkie talkies or when you were a kid. I remember when I got my first walkie talkie. The first thing you do is you turn them on and you're standing right next to the person going, can you hear me now?

[Chick McGee]

Y.

[Tom Griswold]

Then eventually, once you. Then you eventually go to the bathroom, and then you. You go to the family room. Hey, it's still worth. And you go outside.

[Josh Arnold]

They take the. My. My brain is not too fast right now. The rectangle batteries.

[Tom Griswold]

These. These are rechargeable.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, nice. And they were.

[Tom Griswold]

It was 25 bucks for three of them. I mean, 25 for all. And they're great. They really work well.

[Josh Arnold]

I remember when we got our walkie talkies, we didn't have nine volts in the house, so we had to wait another day or two. 2. And man, just staring at those walkie talkies. Oh, my. Waiting for the batteries.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. This is one of the tricks to being a parent.

[Pat Godwin]

Santa needs to have batteries.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Have a. Have a drawer or better yet, a closet full of different batteries.

[Tom Griswold]

Drive to three different CVS's trying to find those ones that are the size of a nickel. And they've got different codes on them. There's about five different ones. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

No, no, 20, 23. You can't go wrong with that one. That was.

[Tom Griswold]

That's the one.

[Pat Godwin]

That's like a standard, isn't it? They use that in your key fob.

[Chick McGee]

Anyway. Good morning Bob and Tom Show. My name's Rory. I'm not from Michigan. I'm a 23 year retired army veteran. Listening to Tom teach over and out to his daughters. And walkie talkie upsets me.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh.

[Chick McGee]

Over literally means I'm done talking. I'm waiting for a response.

[Josh Arnold]

Right.

[Chick McGee]

Out is what the senior person of the conversation says when this conversation is finished.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay. So your daughter does not have to say over and out when talking. To you.

[Chick McGee]

Over and out.

[Tom Griswold]

You say over when your sentence is done.

[Chick McGee]

Over and out is an oxymoron. Rory, 23 year retired army veteran tells.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, you just say out.

[Chick McGee]

You just say out. Okay, you are saying. I'm waiting for a response and this conversation is over at the same time.

[Josh Arnold]

Ah.

[Chick McGee]

If Tom is going to teach his kids how to speak on walking.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't understand the protocol here. What does it mean?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, so the protocol actually is it's you just say say out. You don't say over and out when you're done talking. But in Tom's defense, popular media has used over and out.

[Tom Griswold]

Over. Because I think you could. I could defend myself. Okay, over meaning that's the end of the sentence. End of the sentence, right. Out meaning you're leaving.

[Josh Arnold]

Right. I'm going to go with the army veteran.

[Chick McGee]

According to Rory, a 23 year army veteran. Yeah, out is what the senior person of the conversation says. I don't think anyone below that rank can say out.

[Tom Griswold]

They can't end the conversation.

[Josh Arnold]

You're going to get reamed if you try to end the conversation with a superior.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, excuse me, can I be charge for a while?

[Tom Griswold]

Excuse me, General. I'm out.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, Interesting.

[Chick McGee]

There you go.

[Josh Arnold]

I, I feel like movies, TV shows, every over and out was always.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Maybe it's changed.

[Tom Griswold]

Maybe they got it wrong and then I'm out. The phrase I'm out is, has been popularized on television recently, right?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I don't know.

[Pat Godwin]

It has with.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. With Shark Tank. No.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah.

[Chick McGee]

I thought you're going a different direction for those reasons. I'm out.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, but I mean they always say I'm out.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Chick McGee]

Well, and one more letter before we leave. Dear Bob, a top show. My name's Jim. I'm from northeast Ohio. I love this song. Dominic the Donking. I've loved it for years.

[Tom Griswold]

From Youngstown.

[Chick McGee]

Doesn't say for sure if the song is all mobbed on the Youngstown. I just got this sweatshirt the other day. Been listening to you for 35 years. I love Dominic the donkey. And here's a picture of Jim with Dominic the donkey sweater. There it is.

[Josh Arnold]

It's fantastic.

[Pat Godwin]

I love it.

[Josh Arnold]

Look how cute Dominic is.

[Chick McGee]

Is that amazing? Dominic the donkey is a cute little cartoon character. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

But this, this had never been taken to the next level.

[Pat Godwin]

Italian Christmas donkey, right?

[Chick McGee]

Not as hairy as I thought he'd be being Italian. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm kind of surprised. I'm wondering if this is going to be the next animated Christmas special. Oh, is there enough?

[Pat Godwin]

If we have made Dominic the donkey.

[Chick McGee]

What if we. What if. If we leave today from work and we go down the stairs and there's a guy. Hey, excuse me. Can I talk to you for a second? Hang on a second.

[Josh Arnold]

I can't help but hear that you're playing to Dominic the Donkey.

[Chick McGee]

We appreciate it. First of all. Thank you very much.

[Tom Griswold]

I got a. One more. I guess I have to read this one now.

[Josh Arnold]

All right. It's a nice radio station you got here. Shame if anything will happen.

[Tom Griswold]

Comes to us from Grant. He writes. Good morning, wonderful people. I heard the teaser about the most annoying Christmas songs yesterday, but I missed the segment. I assumed that Dominic the Donkey was on the list. Then I heard a brief recap this morning and it confirmed my suspicion. Twelve years ago, I was at work. We were playing Christmas music all day. The song Dominic the Donkey came on. I instantly hated needed it. I asked a co worker who the artist was. He checked the display and said it's someone named Lou Monty. I declared an anger. Lou Monty is a dead man.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, man.

[Tom Griswold]

Then we googled it and found out that he was indeed dead. Literally a dead man. It is a running joke for us to this day. So sorry to see you go, Monty. But Dominic the donkey voted one of the most annoying Christmas songs. But I never heard it until yesterday. Yesterday.

[Chick McGee]

Yep. Me either.

[Tom Griswold]

And I spent all day yesterday with it in my head as an earworm. It's kind of a beer drinking field.

[Chick McGee]

Kind of.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. Raise a glass.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, don't you think?

[Josh Arnold]

I'll raise a glass to Dominic the Donkey.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Here. Here, Dominic, pour one out.

[Christopher]

Another hour to go here on a Christmas Eve morning. Christmas songs, bad ones, vegan ones, they're all on the way. But next, the word of the year, man, you don't want to miss that here on the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back to the best of the Bob and Tom Show. Christmas editions through tomorrow. This is Christopher and the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a segment about the word of the year. Wonder what that could be.

[Tom Griswold]

We had the. What was it? The word of the year.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

For 2025.

[Josh Arnold]

For according to Oxford.

[Pat Godwin]

So it's kind of a more UK based thing, isn't it?

[Josh Arnold]

We've heard rage bait here.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, it's. It's posting stuff just to get people angry. So you get more hits.

[Pat Godwin]

Yep.

[Tom Griswold]

And including misspelling words just to get people. You're an ignorant. You know what the word was for 1963?

[Josh Arnold]

No.

[Chick McGee]

Univac.

[Josh Arnold]

Is it something we still Use groovy.

[Tom Griswold]

No, it's. I think. I think this may answer the question right here. Everybody's heard about the bird.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I could hear it. All right.

[Tom Griswold]

The word. The word is bird.

[Pat Godwin]

1963. The word was.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, but everybody knows that the bird was the word.

[Chick McGee]

Everybody wants to play that crappy song.

[Josh Arnold]

I love it. I genuinely love it. I loved it as a kid. I love its use in Full Metal Jacket. I love the Family Guy stuff with it. And I genuinely like the song. I can't help it.

[Tom Griswold]

I like it too. I prefer Papa Umau MAU.

[Chick McGee]

I know you both know the difference between good and bad.

[Josh Arnold]

To me, that's good. I'm serious. I'm sorry.

[Chick McGee]

You would buy a guy who. An album of a guy who sang all the songs like that?

[Josh Arnold]

I am never. I've never done a deep dive into the Trash Men catalog. Okay, I'm gonna have to.

[Tom Griswold]

We gotta find another song. What about. What about the Rivingtons?

[Josh Arnold]

That's a nice song. To me. Trashman is more fun.

[Tom Griswold]

This is classier.

[Josh Arnold]

It is classier. Yeah, I like that.

[Tom Griswold]

Rougher. Ra. That guy's got a great voice.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

That's. That's art right there. Those.

[Josh Arnold]

It's popular.

[Tom Griswold]

Those are great lyrics. Those are better than any lyrics in any song by the band America.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, are you nuts?

[Josh Arnold]

I mean, sister, Golden Hair does nothing for you.

[Chick McGee]

Everybody, everybody knows Horse with no Name and Venture High. We hum it. Even when Pat does a stupid song.

[Tom Griswold]

We love it.

[Josh Arnold]

Love the melody.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, great melody, but horrible Earth.

[Josh Arnold]

And then Pat, you're right. Oz never did give nothing that he didn't already have.

[Tom Griswold]

Right. So that sounds like. That's three joints in. They thought of that one.

[Chick McGee]

Okay?

[Tom Griswold]

They write it down.

[Chick McGee]

Think of the American catalog saying like that.

[Josh Arnold]

Imagine the guy from Trashman doing Unchained Melody or something. Just something you should time. I bet we could Ia that.

[Tom Griswold]

Wait a sec. The Trashman Christmas album.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah. Everybody knows Rudolph the Red. I want a Red, Red Nose. Red nose, Wicked. AI. Trash Man Guy sings Unchained Melody and see what happens.

[Pat Godwin]

Go ahead, Jason. That's your.

[Tom Griswold]

Try a Christmas song also while you're.

[Chick McGee]

Doing it.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, Chick, you missed the yesterday. We're talking about Christmas songs that were not originally written for Christmas.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, all right.

[Josh Arnold]

Any guesses as to this?

[Chick McGee]

Almost sounds like an interesting topic. I'm sure I'm wrong, but you're gonna like it.

[Josh Arnold]

Some are fairly obvious.

[Pat Godwin]

I have it here.

[Josh Arnold]

Maybe it's.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. To me, the most obvious one is the one from the Sound of Music. Oh, My Favorite Things.

[Chick McGee]

That. And that is considered a Christmas song.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, well, if you go to the Christmas channels, they're playing that one. Huh? Jingle Bells was originally written for Thanksgiving. What? Yeah. Thanksgiving song.

[Chick McGee]

Did not know that.

[Josh Arnold]

Maybe it's Cold Outside. Not even. Not.

[Pat Godwin]

That was just a song he wrote with his wife.

[Tom Griswold]

That was a song that they wrote as a joke to sing at cocktail parties.

[Chick McGee]

But even then it was sexual assault, right?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, no.

[Chick McGee]

Come on.

[Josh Arnold]

You have to really want to hear that.

[Chick McGee]

Lock in the door.

[Tom Griswold]

Otanenbaum was originally Steve Feigenbaum about a friend of mine from Byron Junior High School. That.

[Josh Arnold]

I can only imagine how he was bullied.

[Tom Griswold]

It was about Steve. Bar mitzvah.

[Pat Godwin]

And it wasn't about a Christmas tree either, was it?

[Chick McGee]

My goodness.

[Pat Godwin]

I heard that on the way in, actually. Oh, Christmas tree. And I'm thinking, well, that's not what they.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, that. That was once again. Once again adapted.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

To be a Christmas song. I wonder if. I bet the Rivingtons have a Christmas album.

[Josh Arnold]

Probably.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, I hope they were. They were a legit gospel band.

[Josh Arnold]

That.

[Tom Griswold]

That Papa Uma was a anomaly for their.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, it sure is.

[Tom Griswold]

But the notion of the Trash Men Christmas album would be true. Horrific. You know, Silent Night was not a Christmas song.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, really?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. It was written by a guy whose wife had been out with the girls for the evening, and he was enjoying some peace.

[Chick McGee]

And they do be talking.

[Josh Arnold]

Do be talking. He took it up a notch.

[Chick McGee]

My goodness. Yeah, he kicked it right out, didn't he?

[Josh Arnold]

Take it easy, Chris Tucker.

[Chick McGee]

I was not. I was not.

[Josh Arnold]

I was not gonna go be talking.

[Chick McGee]

I was not going to go there.

[Tom Griswold]

I. I just discovered something. The Rivingtons did a alternate version of Papa Umau MAU.

[Chick McGee]

Really?

[Tom Griswold]

I've never heard this. Do we dare press the button?

[Josh Arnold]

I hope it's filth.

[Tom Griswold]

That's why I doubt it. They were once again a gospel band. I'm sure they didn't. Let's give this. Love it. What is this? Not a hit.

[Pat Godwin]

What is this?

[Tom Griswold]

This is Mama Uma.

[Josh Arnold]

I love it.

[Chick McGee]

I said a papa.

[Josh Arnold]

You know why I like these songs? I just realized what. What's going on in those songs. Quiets. What's going on in my brain all the time.

[Tom Griswold]

Really? Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

This is great.

[Tom Griswold]

Want to hear a little more? That guy's a great singer.

[Chick McGee]

Well, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

A little histrionic on that vocal.

[Tom Griswold]

I. I told you, I met a guy in the. I was at some event. This airport bar had had a kid named Papa. No, their kid was named Rivington. I said, oh, did you name him after the great band the Rivingtons?

[Josh Arnold]

And they said, please get away from us.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes. They. They ditched me. They never heard the song Papa Umama.

[Chick McGee]

I don't blame.

[Pat Godwin]

Well. Well, not many people have. Hun.

[Josh Arnold]

Man, I love all that stuff.

[Tom Griswold]

Monster hit.

[Pat Godwin]

Monster.

[Josh Arnold]

So if you want to see them back in the day, they did all stuff like that. They did gospel stuff too.

[Tom Griswold]

They were a gospel band.

[Jamie Lisso]

Seriously.

[Josh Arnold]

So you had to wait till the end for that one, the big hit.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm not sure. I'm not sure if they mixed that in with the.

[Chick McGee]

Is there anything that you.

[Josh Arnold]

Charles was kind of the first to mix that gospel stuff in and people were not happy.

[Chick McGee]

Is there anything that you like that was just normal? I mean, everything you. Yeah, everything you. A monster hit. Everybody was talking about it.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

There's really nothing wrong with going. You know what? That wasn't very popular. But I love.

[Chick McGee]

I really like it. Nothing in his say that. Nothing. Nothing. Is that criteria.

[Tom Griswold]

I'll try to find something that fits your description.

[Josh Arnold]

Something that wasn't very popular, but you love it. Yeah, that's like a ton of stuff I love. Same here.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

And you equate that to having this erudite, right? Know it all. Opinion above everyone.

[Tom Griswold]

To be kind. You have alternate taste to be kind. Yes.

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

That means superior to yours.

[Chick McGee]

Exactly.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Do you guys like that one?

[Chick McGee]

And he's happy with that?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, of course he is.

[Tom Griswold]

He's in his brain.

[Chick McGee]

In his brain. I scored on him is what he's thinking.

[Pat Godwin]

You were Pearl. To be kind in the right moment.

[Josh Arnold]

Do you guys like that one?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

He doesn't think for a second that people are listening to what he's saying.

[Tom Griswold]

Saying. Oh, I dislike that song also. Chris.

[Pat Godwin]

Are you cruel to be kind? Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Love it. In the right measure.

[Tom Griswold]

What the hell? Is that all?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, right. Are you a maker?

[Tom Griswold]

Does that mean something?

[Chick McGee]

No one listen to that.

[Tom Griswold]

No one.

[Chick McGee]

No one knows. Cruel to be kind. No one knows.

[Pat Godwin]

You don't like that song?

[Chick McGee]

No, of course I like that song. Yes, it's a nice song.

[Josh Arnold]

What if the trash men did it?

[Chick McGee]

Measure or the Rivingtons?

[Tom Griswold]

Everybody tired about the kindness.

[Chick McGee]

I don't know.

[Tom Griswold]

Would it be great to do a. How about. How about a. How about a video? How about a video? I got an idea here. You do a video of UN Meet the press.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

UN Meet the Press. And they. They ask some distinguished Washington a hole about something. Well, what do you. What do you think about the. The. The recent thinking of the. They just respond.

[Chick McGee]

Does that have to be that loud?

[Josh Arnold]

Man?

[Tom Griswold]

If it's too loud, you're.

[Josh Arnold]

I better.

[Tom Griswold]

You're too old. He almost smells like the guy.

[Josh Arnold]

Rehearsal with these guys.

[Chick McGee]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

It sounds like an auctioneer.

[Josh Arnold]

There's video of the guy and it's just him on stage doing that. And he's on like some old black and white show and he's wearing a suit and he's walking around real, real weird. He falls to his knees. That one part where he has to a crazy breakdown.

[Tom Griswold]

And this is why they banned rock and roll in high school in the 60s, because of these guys. They're having a great time. He probably goes 6, 6, 7, 6, 7.

[Josh Arnold]

The crowd goes nuts.

[Tom Griswold]

You suppose when the Trashman, you know, inevitably some guy goes solo, did he become Trash Man?

[Josh Arnold]

Right. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm looking at this.

[Pat Godwin]

How'd they get their name?

[Chick McGee]

I caused their music.

[Josh Arnold]

Their number two song. Their number two song on Spotify is a Christmas song.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, it is.

[Josh Arnold]

Dancing with Santa. It's called. Really got to hear that. Maybe we'll come back, take a listen.

[Chick McGee]

Everybody know Santa Dancer. This is Santa.

[Tom Griswold]

There's a chance they have at least. I'm looking here. At least seven albums.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

When we come back. By the way, you'll not Trash man all the time. You will not hear this in any other radio station. Trash Man.

[Chick McGee]

Deep Cuts. Wait a minute.

[Tom Griswold]

Hold on. Our program director's shooting himself.

[Josh Arnold]

This biography starts arguably the greatest landlocked surf band of all time. They're out of Minneapolis, of course, where.

[Tom Griswold]

The surf is chilly, chilly.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, these guys are great. They really leaned into this bird thing. They have a song called Bird Bath. They have a song called Bird Dance Beat. They were ornithologists or whatever.

[Christopher]

We're coming back in just a couple of minutes, so stand by. Bad Christmas songs are on the way. This is the Bob and Tom Show. More of the best of the Bob and Tom Show. Christmas edition right now. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. Don't forget to visit Steven Singer jewelers atIhateStevensinger.com. find out why he's the most trusted jeweler in in America and the most hated jeweler in America by other jewelers. That's I Hate stevensinger.com. a segment here with Jess Hooker and some bad Christmas songs.

[Chick McGee]

Christy and Josh and Pat Nace. Jess, I'm Chick. Hello, Tom.

[Tom Griswold]

Chick. Look at Pat.

[Chick McGee]

He's acting like he's playing the harmonica. It's pretty good.

[Josh Arnold]

I wish I could.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

You can't play the harmonica.

[Tom Griswold]

Not that. Well, not.

[Josh Arnold]

Not like dad.

[Jess Hooker]

Oh, okay.

[Tom Griswold]

This is nice. Now, we are going to get a song out of Pat in just a few minutes. I understand. First, Christy has her Christmas hunk.

[Pat Godwin]

Recent data shows that listenership of Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas is you is slipping, which is interesting. We were just talking on the break about our holiday playlist.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

According to data from the music tracking site Last F FM, Ms. Carries Classic has begun to retreat, with listenership declining 35% from October 2023 to October 2024 and declining over.

[Tom Griswold]

Maybe it's because they're doing it in.

[Pat Godwin]

October from November 2023 to November 2024.

[Tom Griswold]

You know my rule.

[Chick McGee]

What's your role?

[Pat Godwin]

No Christmas music till after Thanksgiving. Ms. Carrie wrote the song in 1994 when she was just 22.

[Tom Griswold]

2. It's a great song she wrote in.

[Pat Godwin]

Her memoir, the Meaning of Mariah Carey. Can you imagine reading that? Oh, my God.

[Josh Arnold]

Unless there are pictures for me to drink it, too.

[Pat Godwin]

The releasing the album was considered a risk. You didn't see Christmas videos on. On MTV back then.

[Josh Arnold]

Mariah Carey's one of those women, I think, who's gotten better looking.

[Tom Griswold]

Really?

[Josh Arnold]

I think she's just a knockout.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah. I think she's always been gorgeous.

[Tom Griswold]

She has.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

But I mean. And I think it's a great song.

[Josh Arnold]

It is. I agree.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

Love it.

[Tom Griswold]

It's one of the. Of the recent songs. Which ones have stuck?

[Josh Arnold]

I mean, that one. Really?

[Jess Hooker]

That one. And Kelly Clarkson, she has a Christmas song that's in the rotation right now. That's in the last five or six.

[Chick McGee]

What's in your.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you have your little Christmas.

[Jess Hooker]

I do have my list.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, you have.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, my.

[Jess Hooker]

Go to. Actually, my favorite, though, is always Christmas wrapping by the waitresses.

[Josh Arnold]

I like it, too.

[Jess Hooker]

I do, too. I like it. Last Christmas by. By Wham. Right?

[Tom Griswold]

That's a great song.

[Josh Arnold]

I gave her my butt last Christmas.

[Jess Hooker]

Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen.

[Chick McGee]

Except My Lifestyle.

[Jess Hooker]

Wonderful Christmas time by Paul McCartney.

[Josh Arnold]

Awful.

[Pat Godwin]

You guys really hate it.

[Chick McGee]

It makes. It makes Josh violent.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I. I would rather listen to that 50 times than have to listen to that John Lennon. Happy Christmas.

[Josh Arnold]

War is over, turd. Happy Christmas is very good.

[Chick McGee]

I like that.

[Tom Griswold]

Hate that.

[Jess Hooker]

I always heard Wonderful Christmas Time was actually like they were doing a seance and then they get caught. Like, somebody walks in and they're like, pretend like we're doing something Christmas. Like. Yeah. If you read the lyrics, it's really weird. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

It's a sweet Happy song.

[Josh Arnold]

It's grading. It's grating.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah. What about Please Come Home for Christmas by the Eagles?

[Chick McGee]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

I don't know if I know it.

[Jess Hooker]

Okay. Someday at Christmas by Stevie Wonder.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes. I like it.

[Jess Hooker]

Okay. Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

The Eagles one start. The bells will be ringing.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, sure. That is good. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

That's a. That's an old soul tune, right, that they redo.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

These voice is killer on that. Yeah. Thank you. That is a good one.

[Jess Hooker]

Step Into Christmas by Elton John.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, turd.

[Tom Griswold]

That should be disallowed in all Christian countries.

[Chick McGee]

I like that one.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay. You do?

[Tom Griswold]

Stinks.

[Chick McGee]

It gets under the wire. Well, up until Tumbleweed, but this one gets in.

[Jess Hooker]

Oh, Underneath the Tree by Kelly Clarkson. That's the one.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't know if I know that.

[Jess Hooker]

I think it's in what's the love. Actually, that's where it got popular, is in that movie, I think.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, this stinks.

[Josh Arnold]

It's got its place.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

The garbage can.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

The bath house.

[Chick McGee]

So sports the admissions, free. Then, of course, the.

[Tom Griswold]

You slip in the bath house.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Chick McGee]

Here's Pat's Christmas Christmas song. Tom, you ready?

[Pat Godwin]

That's just mean.

[Chick McGee]

What about Santa Claus by Sunny Boy Williamson?

[Tom Griswold]

This is what I. I love this one. Ever heard this one?

[Chick McGee]

Christmas in Jail Christmas in jail Had a little too much to drink oh, oh, yeah oh, yeah Ain't got no bail Ain't got no bail where's he gonna end up?

[Tom Griswold]

My mom always used the word the clink.

[Jess Hooker]

I like that.

[Chick McGee]

Sunny Boy Williams.

[Tom Griswold]

Nice guitar.

[Josh Arnold]

My baby was shopping yesterday so I'm gonna buy what you need with Santa.

[Chick McGee]

Claus Buy what you need for Santa.

[Josh Arnold]

Claus Santa Claus My baby was shopping yesterday she was shopping so I'm gonna buy what you need for Santa Claus yeah Women be shopping I'm gonna take mine with me But I'll leave your heart and my dresser draw Left it.

[Chick McGee]

In his dresser drawer so that starts me the rambling.

[Josh Arnold]

All right. This is one the chick enjoys.

[Tom Griswold]

I do.

[Pat Godwin]

It's a little hard to understand.

[Josh Arnold]

It's cool as hell.

[Tom Griswold]

It's great, though. Nice and raw.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

What's the name of that song?

[Chick McGee]

Santa Claus.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

By Sonny Boy Williamson.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, man.

[Chick McGee]

How you doing, Josh?

[Josh Arnold]

Somebody has a new keyboard. They're not immediate. Nobody else is immediately angry Vomiting in.

[Tom Griswold]

My sleep so happy It's a happy now. It's so.

[Josh Arnold]

It's so fake. Remember, it's so fake.

[Chick McGee]

They're getting. They just got caught. And they're acting like they're writing a Christmas song.

[Jess Hooker]

See, listen.

[Tom Griswold]

That's a very interesting interpretation.

[Jess Hooker]

Just kidding. It's Christmas time.

[Tom Griswold]

Now. Is the.

[Pat Godwin]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

I did notice that following a. Following a controversy a few years ago, it seems that the song Baby, It's Cold Outside is back.

[Jess Hooker]

I. I love the version from Elf.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, that's very sweet.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

You know Sinatra's version, right, Christy? You know.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, God.

[Tom Griswold]

Remember? How does it go?

[Chick McGee]

Oh, yeah, it's a good one.

[Josh Arnold]

I really can't stay. Okay, you're gonna go. You're going to go. I really can't stay. And we're going to do. This is Sinatra's version.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay. Frank S. Go ahead.

[Josh Arnold]

Go ahead.

[Pat Godwin]

I really can't stay.

[Josh Arnold]

You're staying.

[Tom Griswold]

Thank you, Ava Gardner.

[Chick McGee]

Thank you, Ava Gardner.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, but it. Remember there was a bunch of stations.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes. A lot of people question.

[Josh Arnold]

Nobody was really offended by it.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, there was some.

[Josh Arnold]

I know, but they weren't really offended by it.

[Chick McGee]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

It's just one of those stones I just wanted to.

[Pat Godwin]

To make.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. Don't women kind of like to be told they're staying?

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

I'm into it.

[Josh Arnold]

That there was a sexiness to that song.

[Jess Hooker]

That it was harmless.

[Josh Arnold]

Women aren't that fragile.

[Jess Hooker]

No, we're not. And we'll whip your ass.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Jess Hooker]

We're not worried about.

[Tom Griswold]

So the premise, though, was that it was very cold outside. He. He didn't want her to leave.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah. But that's maybe just another drink.

[Josh Arnold]

But he's not being creepy like he is. He's not. You got to throw it back to those. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You really can't stay.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah, I mean, he's just like.

[Tom Griswold]

Drugs are kicking in.

[Pat Godwin]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, my Viagra is now working.

[Jess Hooker]

Pat, we should do a version of it.

[Josh Arnold]

Whatever you want updated.

[Jess Hooker]

Let's do it.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, that's a good. Yeah. Do the. Do the Viagra. Slis.

[Jess Hooker]

Make it worse.

[Chick McGee]

Make it a sexual assault. Full blown sexual assaul.

[Tom Griswold]

What do they call. What are the drugs called? That? Roofies. The roofies? Yeah, the roof.

[Josh Arnold]

Doors are all locked.

[Tom Griswold]

You don't know who you are.

[Chick McGee]

Shut your eyes.

[Tom Griswold]

Daddy's got the camera.

[Chick McGee]

Lay back and enjoy.

[Pat Godwin]

I was going somewhere else. With luck, I would assume that Tom.

[Josh Arnold]

Was going to pick up on it.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. All right. We're going to move on from that to Gingerbread Houses, a museum in Minnesota offering classes that teach architecture. Architecture and design using, among other things, gingerbread houses.

[Tom Griswold]

This is load bearing. These. These gumdrops are going to be used as rivets for this load bearing.

[Chick McGee]

So much for having fun with the Gingerbread house.

[Pat Godwin]

NPR News reports that the Stearns History Museum in St. Cloud hosts the unusual workshop as part of its mission to preserve and share history. The class is led by Evan Larson with GLT Architects. Who requires gingerbread architects to sketch a blueprint and apply for a building permit.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, forget that.

[Pat Godwin]

Checks each design, building per.

[Tom Griswold]

That's going to be impossible.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, and it'll take you, what, six to eight weeks before you can even get.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, you got to grease some palms, don't you?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Giving builders the green light to construct their gingerbread houses. The idea, of course, is to have fun. But I wonder, do they put them on display? But they make some pretty cool gingerbread.

[Josh Arnold]

I bet there are some cool looking ones.

[Jess Hooker]

Have you seen the charcuterie houses where it's all like meat and crackers now in cheeses instead of. It's the savory version.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you eat them or.

[Jamie Lisso]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

You set it up so that it's. It's just holiday version.

[Pat Godwin]

Wouldn't it be like Jenga? You pull the wrong thing and the whole thing.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, well, that's. That's great. I haven't seen one of them.

[Jess Hooker]

They look neat. Yeah, they're fun.

[Tom Griswold]

Bring one of those in here for the. I'm going to probably throw to get a little Christmas party for you guys.

[Jess Hooker]

You are?

[Josh Arnold]

Really?

[Tom Griswold]

Can you. Can you organize getting a.

[Jess Hooker]

A charcuterie house.

[Tom Griswold]

A charcuterie house. You don't have to come, Chick. It's supposed to be fun.

[Jess Hooker]

He won't come anyway.

[Chick McGee]

He's just talking out his ass. We'll have lunch. We'll have lunch.

[Tom Griswold]

We had just. We'd done one every year.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, you. You need to tell us in advance.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, I'm going to tell you when.

[Jess Hooker]

I get a Waits. He waits because he doesn't want us.

[Chick McGee]

He doesn't want. That's why he doesn't want us.

[Josh Arnold]

Can you say pretty good move.

[Jess Hooker]

Can you imagine? Very smart.

[Chick McGee]

Can you imagine us asking him? Can you be somewhere next Tuesday? Well, I have a meeting.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm sure I do.

[Pat Godwin]

Surgery.

[Tom Griswold]

You're having surgery?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. My other eyes.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, it's not the rejuvenation.

[Pat Godwin]

No, not this.

[Tom Griswold]

No. I got the dogs. I got the dog in the can. Plane. Wow.

[Chick McGee]

That's not fun.

[Tom Griswold]

I think we did your best friends. We already did a. We already did a gingerbread house.

[Pat Godwin]

Am I. I thought you said four.

[Tom Griswold]

We did four of them. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Four.

[Chick McGee]

You've done four.

[Josh Arnold]

What are you flipping through free.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, no. Wait a second. Wait a second. That is A great idea. Can you imagine? Hgtv.

[Chick McGee]

Your friend. Somebody should.

[Tom Griswold]

Mina could do it. This gingerbread house has good bones.

[Chick McGee]

That's. That's funnier than anything Saturday Night Live's done this year. So that would be a flipping gingerbread house.

[Tom Griswold]

I love the fact that this is a fun idea for architecture students, but, I mean, obviously, if you have to get it through the. The process of going to the inspector and everything, I.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

I mean, it's going to be.

[Josh Arnold]

Is there anything more crooked than those people?

[Jess Hooker]

Not really.

[Tom Griswold]

It's important to have a housing that is properly made and the sanitation department.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay. Yeah. Cardboard roof and then the gingerbread on top. I've never done these.

[Tom Griswold]

No.

[Pat Godwin]

Never done a gingerbread house.

[Tom Griswold]

You can buy. I live in an apartment now. You can buy. You can buy the house. Already made. It's already made of gingerbread.

[Chick McGee]

What?

[Jess Hooker]

It's the. It's just the sides. It's the structure itself. And then you decorate it and put it together.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Then you just put on.

[Pat Godwin]

You don't have to put the roof on or nothing.

[Tom Griswold]

Nope, it's all done. It. It's.

[Josh Arnold]

You modular.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes. It's essentially delivered. You just have to add the siding.

[Pat Godwin]

The best part is trying to get the icing to stick so your walls don't fall down.

[Josh Arnold]

You have to.

[Jess Hooker]

You do. You have to put it together. It's just the str.

[Josh Arnold]

The ones.

[Tom Griswold]

Ones I have are. They're all done. They're all done.

[Jess Hooker]

So you're just gluing the candy on.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, you're just gluing the candy.

[Jess Hooker]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

And eating it.

[Chick McGee]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

That's the beauty for the kids.

[Jess Hooker]

Do you like gingerbread?

[Pat Godwin]

First of all, you let the kids eat that candy that comes with those.

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, we buy. We buy.

[Josh Arnold]

Remember windmill cookies? I do Windmill cookies, essentially. Gingerbread.

[Jess Hooker]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay. Yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

It's a ginger cookie.

[Josh Arnold]

Gotcha.

[Jess Hooker]

I think that the windmill cookies were. Are those hard or soft?

[Pat Godwin]

Hard. They're kind of crispy.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Isn't the gingerbread man that. Isn't that endless video? When your kids are three, they watch it over and over again.

[Josh Arnold]

I remember.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah. He's chasing the gingerbread man.

[Josh Arnold]

Are you thinking of the. Oh, yeah. Hey, you can't catch me.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Run as.

[Chick McGee]

Run as fast you can.

[Josh Arnold]

My nieces love that. You're right.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't know how I could forget that. I've watched it 10,000 times with a kid on.

[Jess Hooker]

And then the ginger.

[Tom Griswold]

Better get a new kid so I can get through it and do it again.

[Jess Hooker]

Gingerbread man made a comeback in Shrek, right?

[Josh Arnold]

Yes. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

You ever seen Ginger Dead Man?

[Jess Hooker]

No.

[Pat Godwin]

Is that a horror film?

[Josh Arnold]

Yes. Gary Busey voices the gingerbread.

[Jess Hooker]

It's animated.

[Josh Arnold]

He's kind of a puppet deal. Yeah. It is just awful.

[Chick McGee]

All right.

[Josh Arnold]

It's just kind of meant to be, I think.

[Jess Hooker]

Gotcha.

[Pat Godwin]

A Virginia man is accused of trying to shoplift.

[Josh Arnold]

Whether or not he's had sex makes no difference to this story.

[Jess Hooker]

What?

[Josh Arnold]

You said a Virginia man, not a virgin.

[Pat Godwin]

A Virginia.

[Josh Arnold]

I misheard.

[Pat Godwin]

Pronunc is a cute.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm sorry, did I try to throw a joke out there? We can talk more about Paul Rogers and his whatever it was you wanted.

[Chick McGee]

Man is brilliant.

[Tom Griswold]

Man is one of the all time greats.

[Pat Godwin]

I thought you honestly heard me say that. A Virginia man is accused of trying to shoplift during a shop with a cop event. WTVR reports about 50 Chesterfield County Police officers gathered at a Walmart.

[Chick McGee]

Chesterfield tastes good like a cigarette.

[Tom Griswold]

It's wtvr. Okay. Because wvcr nothing's ever live.

[Pat Godwin]

Police lieutenant James Lamb told the station that an eyes on the Lamb came up to us and informed us they had a shoplifting impression. Progress.

[Josh Arnold]

That's as good as virgin.

[Chick McGee]

Thank you.

[Tom Griswold]

I think.

[Chick McGee]

Talk about Paul Rogers.

[Tom Griswold]

We've had two bad ones since the virgin joke.

[Chick McGee]

How do we start talking about Paul Rogers isn't even talking about Paul Rogers.

[Pat Godwin]

Officers found the suspect attempting to make his escape but was soon surrounded and taken into custody.

[Tom Griswold]

So the guy shot.

[Pat Godwin]

Did I mention it was a shop with a cop event?

[Tom Griswold]

So they're cops all over the store firm.

[Pat Godwin]

The 32 year old faces a felony charge of grand larceny. He attempted to steal nearly 1400 doll dollars worth of items.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh man, he just picked the wrong day.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, but he had to see all the cop cars out there. What an idiot. Maybe he figured, well no one would be stupid enough to do this, so they're not going to be looking. Maybe makes sense. Unfortunately, it's a shop with a cop was Thursday, Friday was. Masturbate with your cellmate.

[Chick McGee]

Masturbate with your cellmate.

[Josh Arnold]

It's a big deal.

[Tom Griswold]

She's gonna be there just to in time. What a.

[Josh Arnold]

You know what tomorrow is, Spike?

[Chick McGee]

I'll be behind the sink.

[Josh Arnold]

I can save it up.

[Pat Godwin]

And he won't be a virgin man anymore, will he?

[Josh Arnold]

Okay, well, there's the nice bow. Yes, there you go.

[Tom Griswold]

It's. It's a time to check in.

[Chick McGee]

You heard the joke about hide and seek. You probably haven't had you the hide and Seek joke.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, it's so good.

[Chick McGee]

Josh, you want to tell her the hide and seek joke?

[Josh Arnold]

Two fellas or.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, they meet at a. At a. At a bar. It's mostly men. Mostly. Got to get the setup.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, and they go back to, you know, the one guy's house.

[Jess Hooker]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

Hey, you want to play some hide and seek? The other guy goes, sure. And he goes, okay. If you can find me, you can make love to me up the. And if you can't find me, I'll be behind the couch.

[Christopher]

We are coming back for the last segment here on this Christmas Eve morning, some vegan Christmas. So songs. How interesting. Next here on the Bob and Tom show. Happy holidays and merry Christmas from all of us here at the Bob and Tom show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. One more segment to go. It's a vegan Christmas. Let's check it out.

[Tom Griswold]

Have we had our new Christmas song today yet?

[Josh Arnold]

No, a lot of stuff going on.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, well, we're ready to go. I know we had some delicious Omaha steaks for breakfast. D. Delightful. But you've promised a new Christmas song every day. Do you have something in mind?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I do. Yeah. This is, I think, song number seven at Christmas Christmas. The 25 Days of Christmas. 25 Songs of Christmas. All right, number seven. I'm having a vegan Christmas. So steam that broccoli, almond milk, and vegan cookies for Santa. I'll give you the recipe. There's no butter, no sugar, no eggs. They're taste free. It's a vegan Christmas for me. Yeah, that asparagus smell happens when chickpeas. I love chickpeas. Chickpeas bring green beans and rutabag. Vegan Christmas is at my place. I'm so hungry. I just ate. Oh, the carrot, the carrot off Frosty's face. No turkey, no cheese. Pass that tofu, please. No meat, no dairy. That faux ham looks scary. I'm so starved, I may eat the Christmas tree. It's a work.

[Tom Griswold]

It's a.

[Josh Arnold]

A work in progress. Well, it's all there. You just messed up. I get messed up three times. Not a fault of the words no speaker, really. So you can't.

[Tom Griswold]

You can't eat sugar either.

[Josh Arnold]

No sugar.

[Tom Griswold]

Vegans can't eat sugar.

[Jess Hooker]

Oh, there he is with his asparagus sandwich today.

[Josh Arnold]

No, I. I don't know that no sugar is part of the vegan diet necessarily. It's just also part of what Pat's doing. Yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

Trying to be healthy.

[Tom Griswold]

And that's the asparagus sandwich you had this morning. Delicious.

[Jess Hooker]

Look how cute he is.

[Tom Griswold]

So you can eat bread?

[Josh Arnold]

No, no, no. That's just for the shot, Tom.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, you had to throw the bread away and just eat this, Unfortunately.

[Josh Arnold]

Did I? Horrible, disgusting bread. I ate the bread.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, thank you very much. We turned back to the news desk with. With Jess Hooker sitting in for Christy. What do you got over there?

[Jess Hooker]

New research indicates that roosters might be able to recognize themselves in mirrors.

[Chick McGee]

Roosters, huh?

[Jess Hooker]

Oh, do that again.

[Josh Arnold]

Roosters. That's amazing.

[Tom Griswold]

Three, two, one.

[Chick McGee]

Roosters.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, that's the way to do it.

[Jess Hooker]

That was fine.

[Tom Griswold]

Wait a second. What rooster? I mean, so the rooster goes, oh, hey, that's me. I'm not gonna.

[Jess Hooker]

Through a series of experiments, scientists in Germany discovered that the birds might be able to recognize themselves in the mirror.

[Chick McGee]

Look at that.

[Tom Griswold]

I'd recognize that pecker anywhere.

[Josh Arnold]

Ever seen these things in the mirror?

[Tom Griswold]

You ever checked yours out in the mirror?

[Chick McGee]

Just five minutes ago.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Make sure everything's the last time you looked at your own stone sinkhole.

[Jess Hooker]

I thought we'd get through the whole morning without somebody bringing that up again.

[Tom Griswold]

What do you have, like, a series of mirrors at your place so you can groom back there?

[Chick McGee]

It's been a long time. I have.

[Tom Griswold]

Same here.

[Josh Arnold]

Same here.

[Chick McGee]

I. I figure. Out of mind, out of sight. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Would you take your camera and do a quick selfie?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

And then there might be.

[Josh Arnold]

I've never done that.

[Tom Griswold]

Can your camera focus that close?

[Chick McGee]

There might be horrible things going on back there. I don't know.

[Jess Hooker]

I think you'd know.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

But no. Sometimes you get curious about the human body. You want to know what's going on back there, right?

[Chick McGee]

I don't know.

[Josh Arnold]

Take a look. See?

[Tom Griswold]

So, I'm sorry.

[Chick McGee]

So once again, a looky loop.

[Jess Hooker]

So a rooster might be able to recognize himself in the mirror.

[Tom Griswold]

Are they saying that a rooster knows it's a rooster rather than a rooster knows that it's him?

[Josh Arnold]

It knows it's it. Yeah, it knows that it's him or her.

[Tom Griswold]

Because Chick was saying your dogs. Some dogs will know that it's. They'll see a mirror and look, they won't be bothered by it. Other dogs think there's another dog over there, Right?

[Chick McGee]

Exactly. Some. Some dogs will be mad, and some dogs will go, oh, that's me.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah. No, this says that they may be able to recognize themselves.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow, that's interesting. I wonder how they know. I mean, I don't mean the rooster, because you don't know what you look.

[Jess Hooker]

Like unless it's You. Oh, yeah, that's true.

[Tom Griswold]

I think it has something to do with if. If roosters are in a group and say a fox is around.

[Chick McGee]

Huh. I love this joke. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, they. They whatever. Cockadoodle do or whatever. But if they're. If they're by themselves, they don't. Because there's no way. Message along to. That was something about it. Something like that.

[Chick McGee]

I see.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay. That was part of this.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. It was so complicated.

[Josh Arnold]

Interesting.

[Tom Griswold]

Erased it.

[Josh Arnold]

Roosters and jerks. You know, roosters. The reason they. From what I understand, the reason that they do that they cock a doodle do in the morning is when the sun comes up and they see the land. What they're doing is they're announcing, all of this is mine. I own everything. They're insane.

[Tom Griswold]

I have discovered this.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I will name it Roosterville.

[Josh Arnold]

They're like claiming everything they see for themselves.

[Jess Hooker]

They are jerks.

[Josh Arnold]

So funny.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. No problem eating them. That's what I say. Sorry, Pat. You can't eat birds either, right?

[Josh Arnold]

Roasted rooster. No.

[Chick McGee]

I applaud your efforts, but you can't be vegan anymore.

[Josh Arnold]

Really? Does not bring it up.

[Chick McGee]

I know. I know where the problem is. I know where the squeaky wheel is.

[Josh Arnold]

Don't you kind of admire Patrick?

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

It's good.

[Josh Arnold]

Good.

[Jess Hooker]

It looks great.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, whatever. Yeah. No, that's lunatic. Wants to do.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. More steak for me.

[Josh Arnold]

It's gonna be idiots.

[Jess Hooker]

Speaking of food, United Airlines says it will offer a free snack station on its newest planes.

[Josh Arnold]

Soft pretzels.

[Jess Hooker]

The airline told Business Insider its new grab and go station will be set up for economy passengers on the Airbus A321.

[Josh Arnold]

In other words, flight. Flight attendants get. Getting lazier than they were.

[Jess Hooker]

No. Here, let me finish.

[Chick McGee]

The complimentary snack station, someone's anti airline.

[Jess Hooker]

Only available on flights that are longer than 801 miles, will open after the flight attendants complete the first round of food and beverage service. So if you need a second snack.

[Chick McGee]

I don't know what you're thinking, Josh.

[Tom Griswold]

Editor's note.

[Josh Arnold]

She looked at Josh.

[Chick McGee]

If you need a second snack, boy, this is.

[Tom Griswold]

This is the same thing as someone leaving a bowl of candy out in front of their house on Halloween.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah, that's true. That's probably what's gonna happen.

[Tom Griswold]

You're gonna have the lady go up there with her purse and shove all the chips in the bag.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

United Airlines said snacks will be available on a first come, first serve basis, and the selection will vary by flight distance.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

And what, you're not going to See them do is putting of a bunch bar in. Can you imagine that? That would be very difficult serve bar. Oh, can I make. Can I make you an old Fashioned?

[Chick McGee]

What do we have on tap?

[Jess Hooker]

Kegs.

[Chick McGee]

Miller light. Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

I've never understood why they. And then. I mean, I know now it's. They're stuck with it, but the name Airbus.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Don't you think you'd go with something a little more, I don't know, romantic?

[Josh Arnold]

Fly.

[Jess Hooker]

I know.

[Tom Griswold]

I mean bus. The bus is considered to be the lowest. Lowest form of transportation. Wouldn't you?

[Josh Arnold]

I'm telling you.

[Jess Hooker]

Why wouldn't you call it an air.

[Josh Arnold]

Sitting on an airplane is less comfortable than sitting on a bus.

[Tom Griswold]

No, but I'm saying from a perception standpoint, don't you think they should have named it something more, I don't know, Jet age, if you will. I don't know.

[Jess Hooker]

I get it.

[Tom Griswold]

I wouldn't.

[Josh Arnold]

Airship sounds pretty good.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah. Airship.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. That probably went out because of the dirigible.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, the.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, the humanity. You never see a bus do that.

[Josh Arnold]

Boy, have you. Have you heard that recording?

[Jess Hooker]

I haven't.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, there.

[Josh Arnold]

Hindenburg.

[Christopher]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Chilling.

[Chick McGee]

Sure.

[Josh Arnold]

That poor man.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, he stopped. He's out of his mind with grief.

[Josh Arnold]

He is. I hope he got immediate help after.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, yeah, he's a mess.

[Tom Griswold]

I. That was probably my worst investment. The cologne for men owed to humanity just smelled like a. Smelled like a burnt rump roast.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, no.

[Tom Griswold]

Thought it'd be popular. Stupid me.

[Christopher]

Stupid.

[Tom Griswold]

We've had a great morning. We will continue to have a great morning.

[Chick McGee]

Oh. Here you go, Josh. Ready?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. It's a terrific race, ladies and gentlemen.

[Pat Godwin]

The smoking is flames now.

[Josh Arnold]

And the famous rising to the ground.

[Chick McGee]

Not quite to the moing mass.

[Josh Arnold]

All the humanity and all the f. I hate. That's awful.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, it's.

[Josh Arnold]

That's good.

[Tom Griswold]

Grab the rope. Can we do them both at the same time?

[Jess Hooker]

Knock it off.

[Chick McGee]

We can't.

[Josh Arnold]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

That guy.

[Jess Hooker]

That's so sad.

[Tom Griswold]

Did you know that you're not going to believe me when there is a brand new airship.

[Jess Hooker]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Obviously it's not filled with hydrogen. It's filled with helium. But there's a new one. I believe it's somewhere in California right now. And there's a huge. It's gigantic. Gigantic. But it's the same principle, except it's a helium. And I forget there's some technical distinction between a dirigible and a zeppelin and all that stuff, but would you write on it? Sure. I've been in the good. I've been in the Goodyear blimp helium.

[Josh Arnold]

This is your captain speaking. We're gonna be.

[Tom Griswold]

That's right.

[Christopher]

Every.

[Tom Griswold]

Everyone on board. They infused.

[Chick McGee]

First of all, I. I don't know if I should have to tell you.

[Tom Griswold]

This, but we've detected a leak up here. Mistaken. They compartmentalize.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, that's it. You have to explain it.

[Josh Arnold]

This is the Bob and Tom Show. Starting a business can seem like a.

[Tom Griswold]

Daunting task unless you have a partner like Shopify.

[Jess Hooker]

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[Pat Godwin]

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[Jess Hooker]

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[Chick McGee]

There's a reason millions of companies like Mattel, Heinz and Allbirds continue to trust and use them.

[Tom Griswold]

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[Jess Hooker]

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[Tom Griswold]

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