The BOB & TOM Show - April 3, 2026

Summary

The BOB & TOM Show – April 3, 2026

Podcast Summary

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Main Theme & Purpose

The April 3, 2026 episode of The BOB & TOM Show delivers its classic mix of comedy, news, quirky news stories, sports analysis, and irreverent banter. The episode is made memorable by visits from comedian T.J. Miller, discussions around current sports events (especially Tiger Woods’ latest escapades), listener emails, and signature bits such as oddball world records and failed-to-mention news. The group is in especially loose spirits, with in-jokes about injuries, guest ailments, and occasional show derailments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Tiger Woods’ Car Crash & Leave from the Country

• [02:23, 14:13, 48:06, 60:03] Tiger Woods’ recent Range Rover crash is a recurring topic, with comedic commentary on how difficult it is to flip such a heavy vehicle.
• Mock phone bit: (01:15–02:09) A running phone call parody with “Tiger” trying to keep an affair a secret.
• Tiger’s rehab journey and his agent's retrieval of his famous putter (05:02):
  “Tiger said that's the putter he's used to win 14 majors. He needs the putter, so his agent went and got it for him.” [05:03, Chick]
  • Woods was granted permission to leave the country for therapy; speculation ensues about him going to Eric Clapton’s rehab in Montserrat.
• Discussion on Tiger’s injury, pain meds (confiscated pills), and interactions with law enforcement — joking speculation about whether he was really talking to “the President” or someone else (48:06–49:17).

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2. Easter, Catholic Church Rituals & Comedy Songs

• [06:21–11:58] Features a segment on Good Friday, altar boy stories, and Holy Week rituals:
  • Pat Godwin reminisces about being a young altar boy during Holy Week.
  • Comedic song: "Reggae Mass" lampoons all the stand-up/kneel/sit routine in Catholic services:

    “Stand up, kneel down Sit back in your pew / Come on now, Kneel down Stand up, Sit down for a few. I just follow the priest, he know what to do.” [10:16, Pat]

  • Discussion about foot-washing ceremonies and Pope-related anecdotes segue into banter about foot fungus and pedicure customs.

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3. Space News: Artemis 2 Moon Mission

• [12:19–14:08, 42:42, 79:42, 80:38] Fascination with the Artemis 2 moon shot; discussions include the space toilet malfunction and the sheer scale of the mission:
  • “One of the most important things on this mission, believe it or not, was the space toilet. And... the first, first thing that came over the wire was the space toilet had already broken.” [12:23, Tom]
  • The issue: crew could defecate but not urinate temporarily; fixed by “space plumber” Christina Koch.
  • Analogy: the moon from lunar orbit looks like holding a basketball at arm’s length (13:08).

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4. Listener Mailbag & Food Debates

• [21:00–27:13, 28:18–33:03] Audience emails fuel lively debates:
  • Hot Dog and Burger Toppings: Should condiments go under or over?

    “It gets, it leaks leeches into the bun. It's disgusting.” [21:29, Tom]
    “I think there's no bad way to eat a hot dog.” [21:54, Josh]

  • Cheese Discussion: Square vs. round cheese, folding corners, melting methods.
  • Truck Culture: "Pavement princesses" for pickups that never haul anything.

    “The locals here in Illinois refer to trucks like that as pavement princesses.” [31:19, Tom]

  • World’s largest “taco hat” at Ranger Stadium [28:18]
  • Listener letters regularly keep the morning show rolling, touching on everything from fart jokes to program notes.

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5. Sports Desk and “Off the Rails” Energy

• [03:00, 20:14, throughout] Chick McGee at the “orangeinsouls.com sports desk”:
  • Updates on NCAA basketball, NFL contracts (Kirk Cousins' new deal), and unique news like a kite world record and young powerlifter (nine-year-old Lucy Milgram deadlifting 180 lbs).
  • Admits up-front that the show’s off the rails due to various cast ailments and general Friday lunacy:

    “Today's show may be off the rails a bit more than usual because... Josh has diverticulitis... Pat Godwin has a shoulder injury... I had to do an airport run, so I'm completely behind...” [20:18, Tom]

  • Regular segment “Shoe-In of the Week” with March Madness picks and food-based sportscaster nicknames (e.g. "Onions!" and "chicken salad!" for baskets) [69:25].

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6. Band, Rap and Hip Hop Names: The Bad, The Worse, The Memorable

• [87:04–94:46] Christy Lee presents the worst rapper and band names list:
  • Rap: Pooh Shiesty, Gucci Mane, A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie, Bubba Sparxxx, Dreddy Krueger, Little Dicky, Shorty Estain, Teabag Boys, Powhite Trash.
  • Bands: Oedipus and the Mama’s Boys, Buster Hyman and the Self Penetrators, Cherry Poppin' Daddies, King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, Chumbawamba, Portugal. The Man, Post Sex Nachos.
  • Quip of the bit:

    “Does he have in his posse, Tigger and Piglet? Is posse still a thing?” [88:23, Tom]

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7. Miscellaneous Noteworthy Segments

Guest: T.J. Miller

• [97:49–153:34] The comedian joins for an extended segment covering:
  • His Midwestern roots and family stories (yard work for mother-in-law), college romance and married life, hot sauce and peanut butter businesses (yes, really; tjmillerdoesnothaveawebsite.com), and wild NYC apartment anecdotes.
  • Miller talks about how his wife is an installation artist and how he was lucky to meet her before fame, preventing gold-digger worries [127:15].
  • Improv as a philosophy for stand-up:

    “I love the idea of if you're coming to a live event, I improvise. No one else will ever see the same show. I will never perform this exact show. It's just for us, just that night.” [107:26, T.J. Miller]

Vulvar Scent Study

• [24:32, 135:09] An odd scientific paper: can men subconsciously smell when women are fertile?
  • Segment descends into wordplay, callbacks, and joking references to “snatches vs. swatches.”

    “Are they called swatches or snatches?” [136:38, Tom]

Product Mascot Brainstorming

• [17:00–17:28] Tom has an elaborate (and not entirely successful) pitch for a mascot for Orange Insoles:

  “They need to have a mascot which is a big orange dog...when you walk in the room it goes ‘hello, you're my favorite person. And I bet your feet don't hurt because of orange insoles.’ They hung up the phone on me.”

Smelly Underwear Game?

• [155:25–157:44] Proposal for a game where staff wear the same pair of underwear for a week, then try to guess the owner based on scent, in reference to the earlier scent study. (Universally rejected as disgusting.)

Wayne Newton Birthday Tribute + Sports Jokes

• [158:44] Pat Godwin offers a playful Wayne Newton birthday parody, reinforcing the show’s mix of topicality and nostalgia.

Pink Elephant Story

• [159:47–163:02] A Russian photographer paints an elephant neon pink for a photo shoot in India. The ethics, color, and photoshop alternatives are riffed on:

  “That is as pink as. I mean, that's crazy...Wouldn't it be possible to create that picture in 30 seconds with Photoshop and AI?” [162:13, Tom]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the show’s vibe:

  “It's an unusual version of the show. We're kind of civil war on it here.” [02:49, Tom]

• On Tiger Woods and car technology:

  “Changing a radio station in a Range Rover takes about four different screens. Trust me, I know. It's the most user-unfriendly radio in the history of vehicles.” [48:24, Tom]

• On new product mascots:

  “I was thinking they need to have a mascot which is a big orange dog. Oh, I like it.” [17:11, Tom & Christy]

• On relentless Midwestern yardwork:

  “Once I start something, I got to get it done right. And so then it's done. It's 45 minutes or an hour later...what am I doing? I've got to do pop and talk tomorrow.” [89:42, T.J. Miller]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Tiger Woods Recap & Car Incident: 02:23, 14:13, 48:06, 60:03
• Good Friday/Easter Altar Boy Bits: 06:21–11:58
• Space/Moonshot Updates: 12:19–14:08, 42:42, 79:42, 80:38
• Sports Updates (“Shoe-In of the Week”): 69:25, 71:09
• Listener Mail & Food Debates: 21:00–27:13
• World’s Largest Taco Hat: 28:18
• Truck “Pavement Princess” Bit: 31:19
• Band/Rap Names Segments: 87:04–94:46
• T.J. Miller Interview: 97:49–153:34
• Science Vulvar Scent Study: 135:09
• Pink Elephant Story: 159:47
• Wayne Newton Birthday Tribute: 158:44

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Tone

Consistently fast-paced, laid-back, and irreverent. There’s enhanced looseness (and crossover ribbing) due to a “perfect storm” of minor medical woes, zany tangents, and Friday energy among the cast.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential sampling of why The BOB & TOM Show remains a morning radio mainstay. You’ll find just enough news and sports to keep you updated, plenty of musical and improvisational comedy, pop culture riffs, and smart-aleck banter — both targeted and random. The ongoing rapport between cast and listeners, coupled with headline guests like T.J. Miller, guarantees there’s rarely a dull moment.

Transcript

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[B]

It's the bob and tom show. Hello? Hey, it's. It's Tiger. Oh, hey, Tiger. What's going on, man?

[A]

I need you to do me a huge favor.

[B]

Yeah, sure thing, man. What do you need?

[A]

Can you please take your name off your phone?

[B]

My wife went through my phone and maybe call. What? If you can please take your name off that. Are you me?

[A]

She knows about us.

[B]

Oh, man, this is bad.

[C]

This is really bad.

[B]

Number.

[D]

Oh, boy.

[C]

She doesn't see the photos yet.

[B]

Tiger, you still love me, right?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do this for me.

[C]

Please tell me you still love me.

[B]

Hello, Tiger from the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios and.

[A]

Hello?

[B]

Hello? Hello, it's the Bob. And to show Christy Lee at the news desk, there's Pat. Pat Godwin at the Guitar Center. Yes, in the performance pavilion. There's Josh Arnold.

[C]

You know, Chick, I was rooting for you two crazy kids.

[B]

I know. I thought you were going to. Thought it was forever.

[A]

Yeah, it's in the hole.

[B]

Such a surprise.

[A]

Does he say it's in the hole when you're bottoming?

[B]

Gentlemen, Never really discussed. There's Ace Cosby. I'm Chick. Hello, Tom.

[A]

Hello, Chick McGee. We got a lot to get to today and I'll just. I'll just announce right now. It's an unusual version of the show. We're kind of civil war on it here.

[D]

That mean.

[A]

Well, we got some injuries and both Pat and Josh are dealing with some pain issues and unfortunately Tiger's pills were confiscated, so they don't have any of those. So we're gonna. We're gonna tough it out. Also, I had to do an airport run, so I'. But, Christie, I know you're fully prepared. Looking good today. I like the hoodie.

[D]

Thank you. I am. I'm very prepared. Very much to talk about.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Today we're going to find out how fast you have to be going to flip a Range Rover, one of the heaviest vehicles on the road. Did you see the footage of Tiger Woods? The cops are going, you have to come over here, sir. And he goes, I'm talking to the president.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Well, now we're all assuming it's the President of the United States. Maybe it was the president of Range Rover or, I don't know, maybe. Maybe his little. His little company there. You know, something like that. Maybe that's who he was talking to.

[A]

Excuse me. This is going to be a brief edit session.

[D]

As I said, I'm very prepared.

[B]

I. I am. I thought I was very prepared.

[A]

I thought the ones that on the pain pills were Godwin and Josh and.

[C]

No, we're pill free.

[D]

No, no, we're toughing it out.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Civil war.

[C]

They got this.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Let's. Let's just.

[A]

Let's just move on.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So Tiger has received permission to leave the country. He needs. He needs some therapy.

[B]

He's checking in.

[D]

How's he going?

[A]

I'm guessing he's. I assume he's going to Eric Clapton's place. That's in Montserrat. Yeah.

[D]

Oh, nice.

[A]

Well, I mean, the judge gave it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Permission to leave the country.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

If you've seen the video, he's gave

[B]

him permission to leave the country, but

[A]

he had to climb out the window of the car. And again, flipping a Range Rover is not an easy feat.

[B]

Embarrassing. Do you see the video of his agent coming back to the scene and breaking the back window with a golf club? Oddly enough, to get Tigers putter, because that's. Tiger said that's the putter he's used to win 14 majors.

[C]

Oh, geez.

[B]

Yeah, he needs the putter, so his agent went and got it for him.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That is amazing video last night.

[A]

Yeah. And he used a golf club. I've got to see that video.

[B]

What else would you use?

[C]

Jack Nicholson style.

[B]

Yes. Well, did he beat up a car

[C]

with a golf club once?

[B]

O.J. simpson.

[A]

Oh, Jack. Oh, that's right. Road rage incident. Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Road rage. That was great. Jack Nicholson. Was it like A collision or something.

[C]

I forget. Exactly. But he.

[A]

Did OJ Use a bat or a. Or a golf club.

[B]

I forget.

[C]

Use a knife.

[B]

No, no, no, no. Break the windshield. Everybody knew, you know, Nicole called the cops 20 times.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And one of the times Furman showed up, this was like, years before what happened, happened. And Furman looked at her and goes, look, if you want to make a complaint, but if you don't want to make it, you know, if you want to file a complaint, there's nothing I can do. And she goes, no, I don't. And Furman said, it's your life.

[C]

Yowza.

[A]

Yikes.

[B]

Oh, wait a minute. It's. It's your life. So there you go.

[A]

Okay, well, thank you very much.

[C]

You're welcome.

[A]

Now, we have a lot to get to, as I indicated earlier today, including a stellar world record. We have a number of requests we'll try to get to. And I have a request for Patty G. Since this is Good Friday.

[B]

Good Good Friday.

[D]

And this is.

[A]

This is Easter weekend. And interestingly enough, a lot happening in the world of sports, of course, and that will include men's and women's basketball at the highest level on the college level, and a lot of other activities. But we do have some Easter. Easter stories in the news, if you will. And Patty G. Was telling us off the air that you were, as a young man, a very young man, I guess we can say a boy. Oh, yeah. You were an altar boy. Yeah, by the time I was 6 or 7 to 13.

[D]

And Holy Week is one of the busiest times for.

[B]

You're there all day.

[A]

You know that. You're there.

[D]

Yeah, not only. Well, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, it's.

[A]

I mean, as. As an attendant at the mass service. You were in the. In the church all day. Today's the big one.

[D]

Yeah. The Stations of the Cross.

[E]

Cross.

[A]

Now, what does that mean? They take you through all of it. You have. You done it?

[D]

I have done it. And it's station by station. There's usually a very nice ornate plaque in the church.

[A]

So all the people have to follow you in a big group. Exactly.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Did you do Chrism yesterday?

[D]

I did not.

[B]

Well, David Bowie has something to do with this. Right.

[D]

Pope did. Did you see him doing it?

[C]

No, I didn't.

[D]

Leo did it. Yeah. I have been involved in that one time. You know how I am about feet. It freaks me out. Oh, so do you know what that is?

[A]

Is this where the Pope washes the feet of the other guys?

[D]

Washes the feet and then kisses them? I can't do that.

[A]

I mean, that's something that you do, too, as a member of the church.

[D]

Well, you do it. You have. I have been a part of it, yes, but not as a regular. I didn't go to mass and do it. It was part of a small group.

[A]

I mean, doesn't the Pope do it to, like, the cardinals or something?

[D]

Yeah, he did it yesterday.

[A]

Now, do they video. Do they screen this so he doesn't get, you know, some priest that has, like, really bad.

[D]

If you're going to put your foot in front of the Pope, don't you think you would have cleaned your feet?

[A]

Yeah, but, you know, I've been dealing.

[D]

You would not be allowed. I've been dealing with the fungus.

[B]

I don't want to hear about your foot fungus.

[A]

I told you, I'm getting it lasered starting this week.

[B]

Hear it?

[A]

Anybody? Anybody out there who's had this? It's impossible to get rid of. I've been taking medicine and the video

[D]

I saw, the guy's feet were perfect. So I don't know. They looked fine.

[A]

I wonder if the guys that prepped their feet were Vietnamese. That seems to be kind of a thing in the United States anyway.

[D]

I'm gonna guess they were Italian, but you go on.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

Well, the best people to do it are the Vietnamese. I'm telling you, they've perfected it.

[D]

Good morning.

[A]

We, in any event. What did you just say?

[D]

I said good morning to We.

[A]

We.

[D]

We and Jamie. They're my Vietnamese friends who own a nail salon.

[A]

Mine's name is.

[B]

They're your friends.

[D]

They are my friends.

[B]

You go to lunch?

[D]

Their mother makes. Makes me lunch a lot. And it's amazing.

[A]

Yeah. I asked the lady that has been doing my. My feet, she. I said, I don't want to hear what's the best Vietnamese restaurant in town. And she goes, my house.

[C]

Oh, nice.

[A]

Yeah. One of these nights, we'll have to

[B]

go over there and grab it.

[A]

The point I was trying to get to slowly, as I often do. It's a long show, Pat. As an altar boy, you also have to attend the actual mass service. And you're on the stage there. Well, the altar.

[D]

Well, it's hardly called a stage.

[B]

On stage, the same thing.

[A]

Well, the altar, costumes and. Yeah, sure. I mean, aren't they all. They're all. They're raised up, right?

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

Okay, so it's an altar, though. Altar, stage, cassock and surplus. That's the white and black thing. Cassock. Cassock and surplus, yeah. Oh, I Thought a cassock was a thing at the end of a couch. Oh, sorry.

[B]

No. I thought a cassock was a Russian guy with a big tall hat.

[A]

That's a cosack.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

Apparently.

[B]

Apparently.

[A]

By the way, the best horseman in Western history.

[B]

I've heard that.

[A]

So, Pat, but you were saying when you were in high school, they started to kind of. You'll probably bear witness to this. We had the folk mass, then they'd rock it up a little bit. But I thought to get the people out, you know, because there's a lot of moves in the Catholic Church.

[C]

Why don't you have a little reggae

[A]

mass that gets the kids out? Stand up, kneel down Sit back in your pew Come on now, Kneel down Stand up, Sit down for a few. I just follow the priest. He know what to do. He's like an aerobics instructor when you

[B]

don't have a clue. Come on now, Stand up.

[E]

Kneel down.

[A]

Get in all your steps. Breathe hard now.

[B]

Kneel down.

[A]

Stand up. It's rough on the hips. Come on now. Knees hurt, Joints sore, Muscles tight. And rear. Come on now. Easter Sunday. See you all next year. Thank you very much. Now, do they tell you when you have to kneel? Stand, sit. Because I went to a. I went to a Catholic wedding and it was. It was really like. It's almost not funny. Stand up, sit down.

[C]

Sometimes they'll say, please stand or. But other times you don't follow.

[D]

Usually at a wedding they will, because you're not. They know there are not a lot of Catholics there. But if you go to mass, you know, plus you just follow what everybody else is doing. When everybody stands up, you stand up. When you sit down, you sit down program.

[B]

There's a guy out in front selling programs. Programs today, service programs. There's a Can't tell the Father without a program.

[A]

Miss that. A bunch of dancing girls.

[B]

She had a great album.

[A]

Now, Pat, did you ever participate in the so called guitar mass? No, I missed all that. I didn't play guitar till I was 20 and I was out of the Catholic Church just.

[B]

Did you play?

[A]

You know, I was raised poor country boy. Well, we'll get to lots of different topics today. I'm very excited, oddly enough, yesterday, when we were perhaps dwelling on it, but I'd been reading a lot about the space shot. And my. My girls, 10 and 13, are really interested in this. So they've been asking a lot of questions.

[B]

We're calling it the space shot.

[A]

Well, the moon shot. Yeah, sorry.

[B]

Rocket launch.

[A]

We were talking about and we happened to be. I had read that one of the most important things on this mission, believe it or not, was the space toilet. And the first we got, when we got off the air yesterday, the first, first thing that came over the wire was the space toilet had already broken. We'll get to that story. It, I believe it's been fixed. We'll find out more about that from Christie coming up.

[D]

And we'll also find out that they are on their way to the moon now. That's the big story.

[C]

Yeah. So they've already hit the engines for six minutes.

[B]

Well, they got lost. They got lost and now they're back on the way to moon. They almost had to come back to Earth to get directions.

[A]

But one of the really cool things, they say that when asked what, what will the moon look like for them with respect to its size? They say, imagine holding a basketball out with one hand in front of your face with your arm outstretched. That's the perspective. That's how big the moon will be for them, which is huge. Really, really amazing.

[B]

I understand though, the, the moon when you're on it is the same size pretty much as Washington State.

[D]

Oh, really?

[C]

Interesting.

[B]

Isn't that interesting?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No, Washington State is more or less square. Does that.

[B]

More or less what?

[A]

Square.

[B]

Square is rectangular. No, don't be silly. The moon's round, but I think surface area identical.

[C]

I saw one dude talking, he said as soon as they engage that engine, there's no going back. Oh, you, you hit it and you just start going.

[A]

The only way to come back is the gravity.

[D]

And that is why they orbited the moon or orbited Earth. To make sure the life support systems were actually working before they sent them.

[B]

It's worse than driving a boat. You know, you're right.

[C]

Right.

[B]

You gotta, you gotta give yourself.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

However many hundreds of yards to stop.

[A]

Yeah, it's. It's amazing. It's great stuff. Now what's happening over there, Mr. McGee?

[B]

In sports? Well, I'll tell you. Well, the update on Tiger Woods, Kirk Cousins may making that bank. And Guinness World Records. He is the second highest earning NFL quarterback in the history of the league. Matt Stafford's first followed by Cousins just passed Tom Brady yesterday. You tell me. Mediocrity. Mediocrity doesn't pay off. Okay. And I'll tell you about simply safe. By gosh. They're far from mediocre.

[A]

They're the best, by the way.

[C]

Do you want to talk about Simplisafe or do you want me to tell you a little Bit about your foundation.

[A]

We're talking about feet. Let's talk about your.

[B]

Tell me about your feet. We're talking about Tom's feet.

[C]

Yeah, we are, aren't we?

[A]

Getting them lasered to see if I can get rid of this fungus.

[C]

Well, you know what? I bet it's gonna take care of it.

[A]

I hope so.

[C]

Yes. You know, speaking of laser, did you know that orange insoles are laser cut to make sure that they fit in shoes?

[B]

I didn't know.

[C]

I don't know if that's true at all. But I do know this.

[A]

Boy, you had me, you know, Somebody had me too. Yep, there is a chance.

[C]

That's how they do it.

[A]

I would really.

[B]

I fooled myself. I thought it was simply said. So,

[C]

look, feet get tired, my friends. Arches collapse, heels ache, knees complete. And that causes you to complain, which causes everybody around you to complain that you're complaining about your knees complaining. You understand what I'm saying? Most people just go, well, I'm getting older. I guess this is how it is. No, not necessarily. Check out orangeinsoles.com they may be exactly what your body is looking for in terms of curing those aches and pains you're getting on a daily basis. Orange insoles deliver rigid arch support that do not collapse by lunchtime. They've got deep heel cups that cradle your heels and absorb shock naturally. Don't you like to be cradled?

[B]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[C]

Everything is more comfortable when it's cradled. They help maintain alignment as your feet and legs fatigue and that reduces stress on all those joints, knees, hips, lower back. They're durable enough for work boots. They're comfortable enough for everyday wear. So for real people, that's you out there. That's right. If you're working on concrete, maybe on. You're standing in restaurants all day serving, you're teaching, you're a nurse. Well, anywhere you're on your feet all day, that's where orange insoles should be. If you've ever said my feet are killing me, these are for you. Visit orangeinsouls.com order more and save with Orange Insouls bundle packs. Be sure to use promo code Bob and Tom at checkout.

[B]

Why?

[C]

Well, that's gonna get you $5 off your total order. That's right. Plus you're going to get free shipping in the USA. Orangeinsouls.com promo code Bob and Tom.

[A]

I was just on the phone with our representative from Orange Insouls with my new idea.

[C]

Oh, what was that?

[A]

Well, now that you guys have explained to me that you're supposed to say, my dogs are barking. Not referencing your dogs but referencing your feet.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I was thinking they need to have a mascot which is a big orange dog.

[C]

Oh, I like it.

[A]

Yeah. And it'll be like that singing fish.

[B]

Like Billy Bass.

[A]

Yeah, like a Billy Bass. But it's a dog. A big orange dog that sits when you walk in the room. It goes, hello, you're my favorite person. And I bet your feet don't hurt because of orange insoles. They hung up the phone on me.

[E]

I don't know.

[A]

I don't, I don't know what happened. We're going to return and we have some interesting stuff going on out there in the world of news and sports. So don't go anywhere. I'll remind you that we do have our pop up shop and I guess this is the last weekend if you get a chance. We've got those charity T shirts are up there and some other cool stuff including the buckethat bobandtom.com check out our new website and our new app. Download it. It's free. Check all that out on your computer. Now. I understand that the Internet is now available there. These are the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Did you know? Fast Growing Trees is America's largest and most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants and over 2 million happy customers. They have all the plants your yard or home needs, including fruit trees, privacy trees, shrubs and houseplants, all grown with care and guaranteed to arrive healthy.

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[B]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts studios. Think O'Reilly Auto Parts for all your car care needs. Get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. There's Christy Lee.

[D]

Hello.

[B]

She's at the news desk.

[D]

Who am I?

[B]

There's Pat Godwin.

[A]

Hey, Chick.

[B]

I hope you didn't miss his song this, but Pat had a song already this morning. There's Josh Arnold.

[C]

Hi there.

[B]

There's Ace Cosby.

[C]

Hey, Ticket.

[B]

Hey, man. I'm Chick [e-mail] sports desk. And we're ready for emails from our listeners. Brought to you by Hyundai, Hyundai's 2026 hybrid vehicle lineup. Advanced safety and technology meets hybrid efficiency. It's the best of both worlds. Hyundai USA.com love that song.

[A]

And by the way, I've been asked to do a special disclaimer today.

[B]

All right. Yeah.

[A]

Today's show may be off the rails a bit more than usual because if you heard one of the early breaks, there may have been a slip of the tongue. The FCC is very.

[B]

We're all aggressive.

[A]

Josh has been dealing with some severe pain issues because of his diverticulitis. Pat Godwin has some kind of massive shoulder injury, so he's in a lot of pain, but he's still playing the guitar. I had to do an airport run, so I'm completely behind, and that's about it. So it could be a rough show.

[D]

Chick and I are doing fine.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I don't know.

[A]

Christie's doing fine. Is doing. You did a nice correction a couple minutes ago on the fly. Very good.

[D]

Almost stumbled, but I didn't fall.

[A]

So the, the anus is, I mean, the onus is on you. Yeah, the anus is on all of us. Anuses, I should say.

[C]

You guys. Oh, speaking of anuses, guys want to talk hot dogs?

[B]

Yeah, let's do it.

[C]

When I make a hot dog, says Justin from Lexington, Kentucky, I put my dressings on under the meat instead of on top. That way it doesn't stick to the roof of my mouth.

[B]

No. Wrong. I'm intrigued.

[A]

No, it's, it gets, it leaks leeches into the bun. It's disgusting.

[C]

So you don't want it leaching into the bun.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, it saga. Fires the bun.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, soga. Same thing.

[B]

Like I want to saga.

[A]

Same thing with the burger.

[D]

Well, what do you mean you want.

[C]

So all your condiments go on the meat?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

No, they Got to go on the burger bunch.

[A]

What? Oh, gross.

[D]

Yeah, you put the ketchup on the burger.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Then you got.

[D]

I use hot sauce.

[C]

They're both correct.

[A]

Yeah. I think there's no bad way to

[B]

eat a hot dog. Yeah. So you have a hot dog. Well, don't put sauerkraut on it. That's stupid.

[C]

But my problem with putting the condiments under the hot dog on the bun is that a lot. Oftentimes that bun will split on you.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Now you have condiments on your bun.

[B]

Hey, by the way, I'm glad you brought this up. What's the deal with some company? I won't name them, but I normally love their cookies. It might be Pepperidge Farm. They've got hot dog buns that slice on the top.

[C]

They.

[B]

Do you know what I'm trying to say? I don't care for it now.

[C]

Have you? So you didn't like it at all?

[B]

I didn't like it at all.

[C]

And I didn't mind it.

[B]

I didn't.

[C]

I'm with you.

[D]

They're a little sturdier, right?

[C]

They are sturdier.

[B]

I tried to do. And I said. I threw the whole package away. That's the way I roll at my house.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

Didn't give them the birds. Cut them up.

[B]

Stupid bird. I hate birds.

[D]

Good thing you didn't come over to my house.

[A]

See, I told you. The show's gonna be off the rails. Christy would have had your baby.

[B]

I'm gonna be coming.

[A]

You didn't come over.

[B]

Where was I? Put the stem on the apple.

[A]

Okay, now how about this, Christy, this is a huge disagreement at my house.

[C]

Oh, boy.

[B]

Big problem whether you should live there Laney longer.

[A]

Hey, we're not going big picture, okay? We're talking hamburger cooking.

[D]

Okay?

[A]

I like to take the square pieces of cheese.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

And take my cooking scissors and cut off the corners.

[B]

Cooking what?

[D]

So that they are round. Why don't they make round cheese? I've always wondered.

[A]

I think they do.

[D]

There are some.

[A]

And I gotta find out what brand is. In any event, I like to put it on the bun.

[D]

No.

[A]

Follow me here. Then you put the corners in the middle. Then you flop the whatever hexagonal piece of cheese in the bun and put that in the microwave for 10 seconds.

[D]

No.

[A]

Melts the cheese.

[D]

I'm with her on this one.

[B]

If there's any way burger complicate anything. You are right there.

[A]

She likes to cook them in a frying pan.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

And then put the cheese on it. And then Let the corners bleed over.

[B]

And if you're not grill out, don't get a frying pan in the house that's not grilling out.

[D]

I take the corners and fold them in.

[A]

So that's not a lot. She likes it to get on the pan and burn.

[B]

And I do it the white trash way. You take the piece of cheese, you fold it into quarters, stack it up and put it on your burger and then put it on the grill and shut the lid.

[C]

I just drape it. I like, I like that. I like Kelly on this. Yeah. Especially on the grill because that's not an issue. That's not nearly as much an issue as it is on the pitch.

[B]

Ever run into any cheesy drapes?

[A]

Oh, boy.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. You just kind of out there.

[A]

By the way. Coming up.

[B]

Yeah, you can just go ahead.

[A]

Coming up. That you're actually segueing into a topic we have today, a new scientific study. There had been this theory that women give off what they call a vulvar. Vulvar. Vulvar as in vulva, a scent that men pick up on. Sure to know they're fertile. There's a study about that we're going to get to later. Vulvar, by the way, sounds like a planet in Star Wars.

[C]

I am vulvar.

[A]

I am from vulvar.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Home of the meat curtains.

[B]

Home of the cheesy drape.

[A]

You don't have cooking scissors.

[B]

I have scissors. I have scissors. I have cutco scissors.

[A]

I have three pair in my kitchen. I have a pair of cutcos.

[B]

Sure. I don't think I need to employ them to cut cheese.

[C]

No, no, you can easily do that.

[A]

No, but see, I've been working out.

[B]

I can tear the cheese.

[A]

No, but the scissors, you see, they separate so you can put them in the dishwasher.

[D]

Right.

[A]

That's the beauty of the cutcos.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You don't need to cut the cheese.

[A]

No, you don't cut the cheese. No, that's not what I heard. I heard in the green room about 20 minutes ago you cut the cheese.

[C]

Well, that's.

[B]

We had. We have a letter about cutting the cheese.

[C]

Oh, we do, yeah.

[B]

One of you know, it's one of the chick emails. People are really catching this. It's far and away the most popular segment we do on the show. This is from Johnny. Hey, chick. Guys. A big helicopter over my house yesterday. Thank you, Johnny.

[A]

Wasn't that. Wasn't that from Robert?

[B]

Robert? No, it's Johnny.

[A]

Little Kid Rock.

[B]

Oh, Bob. This is from Johnny Ray. It says In El Paso, Texas. Had gas in the driveway before I left for work this morning.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Put the car back in park. I enjoyed it. And then I pulled away. There you go.

[D]

Can you enjoy it while you're driving?

[A]

Do we never did that story?

[D]

What?

[A]

That scientific study about one's own flatulence and how it fits into evolution. You'll never find it.

[B]

Well, it sure. It sure does. I mean, we don't.

[A]

Mind your own science, like, three weeks ago. Christine.

[D]

No, you don't know that. I don't have it. Trust me.

[A]

Okay, well, we'll get to it in a second. I've got a request here. I wanted to get in.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Sir, this is an unusual request. It's a band. I believe they're called the. Is it the. The. The Five Man Electrical Band?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

They had the original version of this song. Remember the song Signs? Was that the original version?

[B]

I think so.

[C]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

Tesla does the COVID Then there's.

[B]

They felt the need to redo it.

[A]

Yeah. Then there's. There's. There's this version by Dose Boys. Oh, yeah. And the sign said, anybody caught trespassing will be shot on sight. So I jumped over the fence and yelled at the house.

[B]

Hey, what gives you.

[A]

That may be the greatest sound effect of all time.

[B]

You know, there's something about that. That. That is a badass gun. You know,

[A]

that is cool. That request comes from Ed. Is it pronounced Manteca, California?

[D]

I don't know. I'm not familiar with it.

[B]

Mantegna.

[A]

Manteca. Manteca. That. It's gorgeous there. Ed, thanks for listening. We appreciate it.

[B]

Tico. Taco.

[A]

And he's a big fan of yours, Christy.

[D]

Oh, thank you. That's very nice.

[A]

He said, I almost drove my rig into a ditch off the highway. Be careful out there. Don't Tiger woods that thing.

[D]

All right.

[A]

Okay. Very good. Now we return to the sports desk. You have another letter over there you wanted to read.

[B]

I do. This comes from Major League Baseball. We're talking about game starting, ports, baseball season.

[C]

Sure is.

[B]

And delicious food at all the ballparks. And Texas Ranger Stadium, no exception. This is from CJ New Ballpark food and sombreros have been topics you guys have talking I came across on social media. This is a true thing. Ninth inning rally. It's called the Sombrero Taco Hat at Rangers games.

[D]

Oh, there you go.

[B]

There's the taco hat. And you put your head up in the middle of that. There was a guy.

[C]

Oh, you do?

[B]

There was a Guy wearing it, I guess. There he is.

[E]

Look at that.

[D]

Look at that.

[A]

Looks like Ralph Harris.

[B]

He's.

[C]

Oh, it's just.

[B]

It's just a black guy.

[C]

It really looks nothing like.

[E]

Not even close.

[A]

Hello. Ralph's on his way to the airport right now. I just spoke to him.

[B]

Get out quicker. Sorry, Ralph.

[A]

We'll see you when you get back. That's hilarious. So describe it. It's a. It looks like a sombrero.

[B]

Yeah. And there are chips in the brim. And there's some sort of sauce in the crown.

[A]

An ample amount. Wait a minute.

[B]

There's chips in the crown? I'm sorry. And then the condiments are around the sombrero. Brim.

[A]

And is the sombrero made out of giant tortillas?

[B]

It does look edible. Yes. And it's all. They made a special container for it. This has rangers on it.

[D]

Nice.

[A]

That is really cool. I see. So the white parts. The structure of that thing is like a cardboard.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You can wear it on your head, but not for very long. Yeah.

[A]

God.

[B]

What do we got here? We got. We got a couple cheeses.

[A]

It's like some beans, some cheese.

[C]

Yeah. You got your pico, your lettuce.

[B]

Guac. Guac.

[A]

What's that in the lower right?

[C]

Is that lettuce?

[A]

Okay, lettuce.

[B]

I think. Yeah.

[C]

Your pickled jalapenos.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

I hope that's not sprouts. Is it?

[A]

I was. That's what I. Have they gone out of favor?

[C]

It's lettuce with some drizzle of sour cream.

[D]

Why would you.

[A]

Have you noticed that sprouts have kind. You don't see them as much as you used to.

[D]

Well, you never used to see them unless you went to a salad bar.

[C]

They suck.

[A]

And. And aren't.

[B]

They also tastes like dirt.

[A]

They tend to carry some.

[D]

They don't taste like dirt. They taste like.

[B]

You know what?

[D]

You know what they taste like?

[B]

Oh, they taste.

[D]

No, the other way.

[B]

That's not. They taste like. Really?

[A]

That explains why. Why cats like it.

[B]

And you thought that was cream cheese drizzled or sour cream drizzled.

[A]

We had an interesting letter yesterday from a guy that had noticed something that I had noticed. Which is it would appear that 90% of pickup truck owners never use the bed of the pickup.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And I told you the story.

[B]

I think it's higher.

[A]

Yeah, I told you the story. My friend who has this. It. I will admit it's a really cool pickup. It's. I think they made like a hundred of Them and you had to know someone at a dealer to get one and. But he'd had the thing for more than a year and he came up to me one day, he goes, hey, I got to put something on the back of my pickup for the first time because he had to put a Christmas tree in there.

[D]

Then did he complain because it scratched up the back?

[A]

Well, that's the other thing that's always pretty funny. This is from Mitch in Illinois.

[B]

Hey, Mitch.

[A]

I heard you discussing trucks and people not using pickup trucks as trucks. The locals here in Illinois refer to trucks like that as pavement princesses.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Trucks that never get dirty, never have anything in the back and are typically driven by guys making up for their size. P.S. been listening since I was 18, 30 years ago. Well, thanks, Mitch. Be careful out there. I love it when you discuss anything he says to do with carpentry or construction where your total lack of knowledge really shines. Thank you, Mitch. We appreciate that.

[B]

By the way, I stumbled onto a fabulous television show. It's on Discovery plus, it's called Real Rehab or something. And they just let the cameras roll and it's real people doing these rehab projects like replacing kitchens.

[D]

I thought you meant like putting up.

[B]

It's just. You would think it was that. No, it's a renovations on the house and it's real people and their husbands, wives are fighting and it's, it's crazy.

[A]

I love those.

[B]

I almost missed work today.

[A]

I love those shows.

[D]

I do too. But they're so unrealistic. They do a whole. These are realistic kitchen rehab for $20,000 in a week.

[A]

And they never tell you what the real. It's like those things where they get the car and they fix it up and at the end they go and we spent seventeen hundred dollars on parts. They don't say that. The fact that they had these great mechanics working for free.

[B]

The one I watched yesterday was, hey, here's the exchange. Hey, I think that's a load bearing wall. And the house. Yeah. Shifted.

[A]

Oh, it.

[B]

And they let the cameras roll. Man, it's. It's nuts. I don't know how, why it's not on still.

[A]

I love those shows.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Now, coming up, we have interesting news from the world of sports. A couple of pretty big stories, obviously, a lot of basketball news and all the action. Tiger update, of course, coming up this

[B]

weekend and tonight with the ladies, a

[A]

space update and more of your letters on the way to the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios.

[B]

But first, simply safe, the do it yourself, Design it yourself. Keep Your compound Safe. You know, simply safe is a comprehensive plan. Sensors, cameras, 24. 7 monitoring. But on your terms. It's up to you. Easily customize the system that's right for your [e-mail] app guided setup. No drilling required. I did it. You can install and arm your system in under an hour. No need to wait around for that two hour window with some technician comprehensive protection from Simplisafe. Not just a camera. It's sensors. Cameras inside and out. 24. 7 professional real life people. In the event of a break in fire or flood, Simplisafe's agents are ready to take action. And there's no long term contracts with Simplisafe. No lock ins if you will, no hidden cancellation fees. Simplisafe earns your business by keeping you safe, not by trapping you in a contract. And affordable pricing 24. 7 monitoring for a fraction of what the traditional brands charge. And Simplisafe puts the customer first. Named America's best customer service by Newsweek. We want you to experience the same peace of mind we all do. We have Simplisafe here in the Bob and Tom studios as well. And we've partnered up with SimpliSafe to offer you an exclusive discount only for Bob and Tom show listeners right now. Get 50% off your new SimpliSafe system. Just visit simplisafetom.com that's half [e-mail] There is no safe like Simplisafe.

[A]

Thank you very much, Chick Magee. Nice job. And I know we're all kind of derailed today, but I think we held that one together. Oh yeah, it was. Coming up, we have an actual pink elephant in the news for real. We have something that has the headlines vulva odor in it and we have the worst rapper names and the worst band names out there. And there are some great ones. They are really awful. Coming up today. This is exciting. We're to Talk with comedian T.J. miller. That's all happening here in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[B]

Hey, thanks for listening this morning.

[A]

Got something to say, Say send us an email.

[E]

Bob and Tom, bobandtom.com Hey there.

[D]

I'm Paula Pan.

[A]

I help people make the smartest money decisions possible.

[B]

Do not ever worry about your salary.

[A]

You need enough to make sure that

[D]

you aren't in a bad financial position. Once you have that, your salary becomes moot. What matters from that point forward? Upside, gains, any type of ownership stake or ownership potential.

[A]

That's the Money.

[D]

Remember, you can afford anything, just not everything afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform

[A]

it up

[B]

time. It's the Bob and Tom show from the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. There's Christy Lee at the news Center. Hello, there's Pat Godwin. Hey, hey, there's Josh Arnold.

[C]

Hi there.

[B]

Ace Cosby's here. Hey, I'm chick@the orangeinsouls.com sports desk and I have another letter Tom if you're in interested.

[A]

Interesting. I do too. You go first.

[B]

Dear Bob and Tom show, these are fabulous. They're for your puppy dog. They're from Milk Bone. They are Peep flavored Milk Bone.

[D]

Oh my.

[C]

That's fun.

[B]

Marshmallow flavored dog biscuits. There you go. I get, you know, there's nothing funnier than watching a dog chew a marshmallow.

[C]

Oh, I've never seen it.

[B]

Have you ever seen that?

[A]

Oh, because it's, it can't be good for.

[B]

It's substantial and then it's not. And.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What do you Milk.

[A]

Although it might under approach. Yeah, I do.

[B]

I don't know how that. Well, they can have anything flavored any way they want to.

[A]

See, you don't have little kids like I do. You've never lived until you've seen your, your dog. You find out he's been eating sidewalk chalk when they give birth to a rainbow poop. This doesn't exactly digest.

[B]

Although that package, that Milk Bone has their dog flavor. Peep flavored dog Biscuit. It looks very, you know, kids would be attracted to that, right?

[A]

I'm sure that they make it so that if a kid ate it, it wouldn't be bad for them. Them, they might start licking themselves.

[B]

That from Joe in Beckley, West Virginia.

[A]

Thank you very much.

[B]

You're welcome.

[A]

Longtime listener, second time emailer.

[B]

All right, we'll keep track.

[A]

Jared writes and I'm going to need your help on this, Christie. Jared, he said thanks for having Tom Mabe on yesterday. I was unaware of his work and talent. I spent the rest of the day checking him out online, laughing my butt off. Tom has some incredible videos. A couple of them have more than a billion views. Yeah, we highly recommend them. Tom is going to be one of the final comedians at the Caravan in Louisville as they fold it up.

[D]

Weekend.

[A]

Yeah, that's happening this weekend. Thanks. Now Jared says Christie can help you pronounce it. L O O G O O T E E. Lagodi. Lagodi.

[D]

Lagodi.

[A]

That's a beautiful name. Lugoti, Indiana. It reminds me of in the movie Hoosiers. They play Oolitic.

[D]

Oolitic. Yeah.

[A]

There's some really cool names out there. We love.

[D]

Lytic is where the quarries are.

[A]

Oh, from.

[D]

We used to jump off the quarries.

[A]

Yeah, Breaking Away.

[D]

That was kind of a thing when you're an IU freshman, they take you to the quarries and you get to jump into the quarries. It's kind of like a ritual thing

[A]

Again, Once again, Pat mentions a terrific movie called Breaking Away. Just a great movie. Refund. There you go. That's a little snippet of the movie.

[B]

If that doesn't make you want to watch it, I don't.

[D]

You know, it's funny. I had someone come up to me yesterday. Hello, Nick. Talking about Tom, maybe. And how much he enjoyed listening to some old Tom May bits that he had not heard before.

[A]

We'll squeeze in another one today.

[D]

That's crazy.

[B]

That.

[A]

His stuff online is absolutely hilarious. Now we returned to Chick McGee at the sports desk with another letter.

[D]

I have a letter. This is from Patrick. Hi, gang. Sorry to bother you at work. We all know Tom hates T shirts and sweatpants. That's true.

[A]

No, no. I love T shirts. I just can't wear them.

[D]

I have a feeling he's afraid to wear them, because if he does, he will find out just how comfortable they are and then realize that he will become that which he despises.

[A]

Interesting thought. Not true, but it's possible.

[D]

Rock on and have a great day.

[B]

Rock on.

[A]

I just. I don't like wearing sweatpants.

[D]

Fair enough. You don't wear them.

[B]

I don't think it's that you don't like it. My problem is you have almost a physical, violent reaction to the concept of sweatpants.

[A]

There's no back pocket.

[B]

People are giving up. And some sweatpants do have back pockets.

[D]

You can.

[A]

No, no.

[D]

And they zip even if you want. Add extra protection.

[A]

No, no. I have 10 pairs of identical jeans. My favorite ones, by the way, I ripped last week. I'm very upset.

[B]

And you have.

[D]

But if they're identical, then how do you know they were your favorites?

[A]

Because there's a certain something. There's a. There's a you.

[D]

You.

[A]

We've all talked about this. Everyone has that one pair of pants, that one shirt, that one pair of shoes. They just. There's something about them. On your best day, you put that on and go, ah, got my best stuff on.

[B]

This tells you everything you need to know about our buddy Tom. He has all of his jeans altered lengthwise. Not 32, not 34. No, no. It's like, what, 32 and a quarter or something?

[A]

You'd have to. You'd have to ask Jason Taylor. Yes, you're exactly right. It's a very nice guy.

[D]

Is he at North?

[B]

You have your genes altered?

[A]

That really isn't his name. I didn't want to embarrass. He has a very foreign name.

[D]

Oh, I know who you're talking about. The guy behind the gym.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, that go. No, that guy. He's great, too. I go. I go to him also.

[D]

Yeah, that guy's great.

[A]

He's very nice. Very nice. And his son works there as well.

[D]

Yes, he does.

[B]

Oh, Junior.

[A]

Yeah, he's a great go. We were talk. We were all. I see. We were talking about the phrases because somebody said with reference to orange insoles. The. The phrase is my dogs are barking.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

I was unaware of. That Means your feet hurt. This. This comes to us from Mr. Rikers. He.

[B]

Oh, he lives on an island, right?

[D]

All by himself?

[A]

No, he lives in Spokane.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He said my dad would always say he was busier than a whorehouse on dollar night.

[D]

I heard that when I was a kid. They called it dollar day, but.

[B]

Yeah, Dollar Day. Wow.

[A]

They got daytime horse.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

That is when you want dollar pricing. Because nobody's really going during the day. It entices them to go.

[D]

Yeah, no, I swear I heard that. I think my dad used to say

[A]

that in front of you.

[D]

Yes, when I was older. I mean, not like when I was four.

[B]

You really did grow up, leave it to Beaverland, didn't you? And only a much nicer house than

[A]

the Cleavers, my father's favorite. The only time I never heard him say any curse word.

[B]

Wasn't it like, ever since dag nabbit or something?

[A]

No, no. He get the GD big time. Whoa. And I've inherited that.

[C]

My mom was a big dag nabbit.

[B]

No kidding.

[C]

Dagnabbit malarkey. That was big.

[A]

My mother. Malarkey.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

My mom never swore ever at all. And I've told the story of my sister who lives. Has been living in England for a long, long time using the C word in front of my mom. And rather than be there for the explanation, I just slowly backed out of the kitchen and I ghosted the conversation.

[C]

My mom's a big all that Jazzer. Also, you know, John's into. You know, he's really doing great in school. He plays baseball. All that jazz.

[A]

I like that very much. Now, how would you word that in. In your contemporary language if you wanted to say. Would you just say etc? Yeah, I don't think I would. He's into all that stuff. Etc.

[B]

No, no, he likes that sort of thing. I think that's what I'd say.

[A]

Depending what it was. I would say something negative most of the time.

[B]

No, no, no, no. All the time.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's into hip hop and all that crap.

[D]

This is from Mick.

[A]

See?

[D]

Quite as well, making Detroit on the same topic. My dogs are barking. You'd never heard that. I'm sure you've heard this. We've all heard this one. My ears are burning. Yeah, you've heard that, right?

[A]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Detroit mix, avid writer. Thank you, Mick.

[D]

Happy Easter holiday to the cast.

[A]

We always.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Now, coming up, we'll get a song out of Mr. Godwin. What's coming up in sports?

[B]

We're gonna do the shooting of the week for the semifinal action coming up tonight, tomorrow and, and Sunday and Monday with men's and women's college basketball playoffs. All right. Well, it's my understanding from orangeinsouls.com I

[A]

ran into him in the hall. There's a possibility that Tom Whiskey Frontier Doctor may be stopping by.

[B]

Oh, is that right now?

[C]

Well, he better be if he's in here. If he's in the building.

[B]

You listen to me right now. You can't say something like that and have it fall through. Okay? Now, I'm looking forward to it and it's by request. I don't doubt it. I don't doubt it for a second.

[A]

Also coming up, the reason I don't believe in democracy anymore. That'll be coming up in the news.

[C]

All right.

[A]

You'll see why, too. Once again, we are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Glad to be here. Thanks for joining us. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Hey, thanks for listening to the Bob

[E]

and Tom show this morning.

[A]

Get a look at today's show on our YouTube channel later.

[B]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show. In the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios at the news center, it's Christy Lee.

[D]

Hello.

[B]

Hello, indeed. There's Pat Godwin.

[E]

Hey, chicken.

[B]

Hey, man. Josh Arnold.

[C]

Hi.

[B]

There he is. There's Ace Cosby. Hey, I'm Chick [e-mail] sports desk. Hello, Tom.

[A]

Got a letter. That ties in a whole bunch of stuff.

[B]

Oh, all right.

[A]

Go now, Chick. You are an avid viewer of a. Of a television network that shows British programming, I believe.

[B]

I like your Brit box. I like your acorn. Of course, PBS around the country, they should Masterpiece Theater. The. And so on and so forth. Oh, yes.

[A]

Yeah. And the most successful show in that is Downton Abbey.

[E]

Right?

[C]

Gotta be one of them.

[A]

One of them, yeah. Certainly that one about the royal family was pretty good.

[B]

Crown. Yeah, Luther's pretty good. I could go on or it seemed like it.

[A]

We've been talking a lot about various. About that. Now, real quick, just parenthetical to this discussion, what is your. Your two favorites on those British TV networks?

[B]

2 favorites for networks or two shows?

[A]

Two shows.

[B]

Luther. Probably with Idris Elba.

[A]

And

[B]

he's a. He's a cop.

[C]

Attaboy, Luther.

[B]

That's right. There are a lot of ghosts. No, they're. And they do an updated version of Sherlock with Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman. Exquisite.

[A]

Okay, Christy, what British show do you like?

[D]

It would have to be Downton Abbey. I don't have the British show.

[A]

Okay. The reason I bring it up. Dear Bob.

[B]

No Brit Box. No Acorn tv. How do you live?

[D]

I don't think I have.

[A]

This ties into our discussion of phrases. Dear Bob and Tom show. I was watching a British TV show. I had on the closed captioning. A man was walking through a field and the caption said, dogs barking. I was wondering, were there actually barking dogs or did his feet hurt? See, it's all ties in. My dogs are barking. Thank you very much.

[B]

Had to think of a favorite British TV show for that letter. My dogs are bar.

[A]

I think you. You like talking about your British TV shows.

[B]

Oh, I do. I do.

[D]

You like that British baking show, don't you?

[A]

I. I have not gotten to that

[B]

yet, but everybody says I can't.

[A]

I. I was on a trip. I was in a hotel and that thing came on and I watched it for three hours. Yeah, I had. And I don't bake.

[B]

And you look up and it's two hours. Yeah. Three hours later.

[A]

I know they tried to do it, I think, with Jeff Foxworthy here in the States, where they're out in the tent and they.

[D]

Sure.

[A]

There is something about that show. The people are so nice. There's that one weirdo with the Jeff Beck jet black hair.

[D]

You don't pay attention to anything for three hours.

[A]

I know.

[C]

Well, it was.

[A]

I had to. Well, and I stuck in a hotel.

[B]

I told you about a show, the repair Shop.

[D]

Yeah, I've watched that.

[C]

I have two. That's really nice.

[B]

That is really wonderful. Bring items into repair and there's always a wonderful story.

[C]

That's one of the shows, though, where I would love to know what the people are paying.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. They have a porcelain expert I brought you.

[A]

The guy brought in some kind of lamp that had a miniature horse trotting around it and. But they have to make parts that was. That's really cool. Yeah, I love those shows. Well, thank you for your letters. You can reach us, Bob and Tom at bob and tom.com. always appreciated. We'll be getting to more of your mail coming up. Also coming up, we have a headline with the words vulva odor in it involving science and fertility. Quite interesting study, actually. But we at this point, turn to the sports desk. Is that correct?

[B]

That's exactly right. After crashing his SUV last week in Florida, Tiger woods took out his phone. There's a new angle on this, a new bits, drips and drabs of stories coming out about this Tigers run in last week, every day it seems like. According to the latest report, Tiger was walking along and the video, he's plainly on the phone. And the officer at the side of the road said, come on over here, or whatever. And Tiger says, sort of, oh, I'm sorry. I was just talking to the President. I don't know what that was intended, but.

[A]

No, he very clearly says. He implies he was talking to President

[B]

Trump and it was President Trump. Yep.

[A]

Does I. Does the President have a cell phone right there? Does he have, like, an agent have to hand it to him or.

[B]

I would think an agent would be in charge of his cell phone.

[C]

Oh, I don't think so.

[A]

I mean, I know he. Obviously he's on Truth Social constantly. Maybe.

[B]

Maybe so. Yeah. Maybe he's got. Got the cell phone right there.

[A]

Having the president's cell phone number would be. Yeah, that's quite a flaw that has to go through some kind of secret coded.

[B]

Did you hear what Patrick said? You might want to take notice of that.

[A]

That's quite a flex.

[B]

Quite a flex.

[A]

Yeah. No telling the cops.

[B]

You know what that means. Quite a flat.

[A]

I get it. It's overused.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Quite a flex. It's like singing my new album dropped. It was quite a flex. Okay, douchebag, put your sunglasses in the back of your head. Turn your hat around backwards.

[C]

Anyway, no, we had no idea it would turn into that.

[B]

No, you know what? I gotta be honest. I'm. I'm pretty sure I thought I. That's why I drew it.

[A]

Tiger had his hat on back backwards. Although maybe it got turned around when he flipped over. The heaviest vehicle in North America, a Range Rover.

[B]

And I still say they're making a big deal about him having Two pills in his pocket.

[A]

But I.

[B]

If you're down that road, you have more than two pills in your pocket.

[A]

Took the others. Maybe he was rushing home to get more out of the bottle.

[B]

You have an issue, apparently.

[D]

Yeah, you're right.

[B]

Woods appeared astonished as he was handcuffed. And he offered an explanation. Said he was looking down at his phone when his speeding Land Rover clipped a truck and rolled onto its side.

[C]

Oh, you were looking at your phone. I'm sorry. We'll let you go.

[B]

But as Tom said, that's not really the story Tom has heard. The.

[A]

Trying to change the radio.

[B]

Yeah. In the Range Rover.

[A]

Which is. Which is. It takes like four different steps and screens. Trust me, I know. It's the worst, most unusual friendly radio in the history of television.

[B]

I find it interesting that you say things like, trust me, I know. And everyone does know and they don't trust you and they don't believe anything you say. Pull over to pull over his car to change the radio.

[A]

Totally user unfriendly and from the NFL. Kirk, that's it for Tiger.

[B]

Well, what else?

[A]

Well, the fact that he's gone out of the country. Right.

[B]

He's on his way to rehab evidently. No, no, no.

[C]

I hope it sticks.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Yeah. No, I'm wondering if he's going to Eric Clapton's place. Where is it? Montserrat.

[B]

Got me, man.

[D]

Man.

[A]

I mean, I don't know where the. That's a fancy one.

[C]

Clapton owns a rehab center.

[A]

Well, he started it and he does special wow concerts. I'm going to the next one.

[D]

You know what I found out from my husband yesterday? Eric Clapton, I don't know if he still does. Had a Figaro like mine.

[C]

Oh, no kidding.

[A]

Yeah, he's got a bunch of cool cars.

[D]

Yeah, he was one of the first like to buy one and import one from Japan into London. How cool was that?

[A]

Well, London, that's normal sized car.

[D]

Yeah, they're very popular in London. That was one of the first places that really became a hub.

[A]

Is your street legal here?

[D]

It is, but it has to be 25 years old. That's why it took me until now to get it.

[A]

It's a small car. Christie's.

[D]

A small right hand drive is why

[A]

we have a picture of Christie's car next to my Suburban. It looks like you could drive it into the back. Yeah, I mean, what do you have

[B]

to be 25 years old for?

[D]

Because it's right side drive, right hand drive.

[B]

I don't think I could do it.

[D]

You can.

[B]

I don't think I could do it.

[D]

Actually. Kind of nice.

[B]

Somehow I'd end up backing up everywhere. I. I don't know why, but I. That's.

[C]

You go through drive throughs in reverse.

[D]

I can't do that. And you forget you sometimes you'll go, oh, I can't do that.

[B]

Every time I go get gas, I have to look down at the gauge that tells me what's inside my gas caps on. I can't remember. I'm very old.

[A]

Song.

[B]

Kirk Cousins has agreed to a deal with the Las Vegas Raiders.

[A]

Wait, do you have a Tiger woods song? I have two of them. Oh, I. I was just informed of that. Could.

[B]

A heads up would be nice. Just say, hey, I got a song. Pick up the guitar.

[A]

Or maybe I could.

[B]

Ah, go right ahead. That. That equates. Pat, just play the Tiger Wood song.

[A]

I'm not playing it. Else. Move on, please.

[D]

Diva

[A]

trying to find the right moment.

[C]

There we are.

[A]

There's the right moment.

[B]

Yep. It's all rocket science.

[C]

Well, hello. My gosh, will you look at who's walked in.

[B]

My gosh, I'm just happy this is happening. Hey, fellas.

[A]

Yours truly, Tom Whiskey, Frontier Doctor.

[B]

Now, don't you forget, you say hi to Tom, Doc.

[A]

Hey, Josh. Hi. Here, you're having some diva. Like a tiny.

[B]

Well, he's a doctor now.

[C]

Josh has some complications there.

[A]

In the Old West, I'm doing my doctor, and I didn't have those fancy rubber gloves.

[C]

Oh, really?

[A]

After doing those diverticulitis exams, I'd have to scrub my fingernails.

[C]

Oh, boy, you were really getting in there.

[A]

And nasty. I'd go deep. Well, you know, I can form a basketball, so. You're lucky you got a doctor. You got a lady doctor, do you? Oh, that's hot.

[C]

Yeah, it's not bad.

[A]

Yeah, you bend over and you're still

[C]

my favorite saw bones.

[A]

Okay, well, thank you very much, Christy. It's good to see you.

[D]

Good to see you, Doc.

[A]

You look good.

[B]

I like your bangs.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

They're very sweet. Your hair looks good. Your hair looks good today. Thank you, Pat. I could tell you're angry. It's okay. Calm down. I got some pills for you. Oh, thank you. Got them from Tiger Woods. There's the strong ace. It's always a pleasure. What does that say? What does that hat of yours say?

[C]

Birmingham Stallions.

[A]

Birmingham.

[B]

Birmingham Stallions is what he said.

[A]

Is that from England?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, good.

[C]

Way to go.

[A]

Especially one of them British football clubs. They play soccer over there. Got the wrong name for it. Chick McGee.

[B]

Hi. Buddy, how are you?

[A]

Good to see you. You'[e-mail] sports.

[B]

Yeah. Long time no see.

[A]

Well, what's your favorite team?

[B]

From what?

[A]

From FIFA.

[B]

From FIFA. I'm Espana. I'm sorry, I misspoke. Portugal. That's my team.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Oh, yeah. They're good, aren't they? I guess. I don't know. I mean, yes, damn right they are. Okay. They always try this kind of fish

[A]

that you were talking about.

[C]

You didn't say hello to everybody, Doc

[D]

didn't say hi to Tom.

[B]

Nope.

[A]

You didn't, Tom. You're. You're on my short list right now. Oh, no. What did I do, Doc? Yeah, you're just being mean to everybody. Sorry, Doc, I had to do an airport run this morning. I'm a little bit behind. Good excuse.

[B]

We didn't hear anything about that. Is that true?

[A]

Let's just move forward here. This is. This is the true story of

[B]

a true story.

[A]

Our Arnie Whiskey Frontier goal golfer. Oh. Arnie and his wife were driving through the US of A. They were going all the way from New York to California.

[C]

Holy cow.

[B]

There.

[A]

Christine knew this. They were. They were going to the most famous golf course in all of California. Pebble beach is the answer.

[B]

Thank you very much.

[A]

The fuel gauge was getting low right there in Arkansas. So Arnie Whiskey Frontier golfer decided he better pull over and go to the next gas station station. And it was one of those old fashioned service stations.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Where they have a. Actually a gasoline attendant. Oh, how about that? Isn't that nice?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And that attended was a Mr. Jethro McGee.

[C]

Really?

[B]

My uncle Jethro. Yeah.

[A]

And Jethro McGee, he came up to Arnie Whiskey Frontier golfer's car and he said, what can I do for you, mister?

[B]

Huh?

[A]

And Arnie Whiskey frontier golfer said, filling up with the. The premium, please. Oh, that's when. That's when Jethro McGee said, I can't help but notice this is a very fancy vehicle.

[B]

It's very fancy. Yeah.

[A]

He walked around, he said, I gotta ask you, what kind of car is this?

[B]

I've never seen one this fancy before.

[A]

He said. And Arnie Whiskey friend, your golfer said, oh, this is. This is a brand new Cadillac. Yeah, these are nice. It's got the apple carplay. It's got the.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's got the heated and cooled seats, got the lumbar, the panoramic sunroof. Your built in wi fi. This is a Cadillac. This is. It's got the wireless charging, it's got lane assist, adaptive cruise. It's got the 360 camera, just went on and on. It's got a premium surround system. These Cadillacs, it's, it's just a beautiful vehicle. I'm very pleased to be driving it. Well, that's when Jethro McGee said, oh, that's the fanciest car I ever did see. Tank was full.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Arnie Whiskey decided to pay in cash. He reached into his pocket, pulled out some bills and a couple of golf tees fell out and fell onto the ground there by the gas pump. And Jethro McGee said, what are them things there? And Arty Whiskey, frontier golfer said, oh, that's what I put my balls on when I drive. And Jethro McGee said, Man, those Cadillac people think of everything. Thank you, Doc.

[B]

Thank you, Doc. Is that right, Doc?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right. Always a pleasure, Doc. Beautiful. Thanks very much.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

Beautiful job, Doc.

[A]

When we come back, we'll get that song out of Pat Godwin. We are in the O'Reilly.

[B]

Why did you ask him when we started?

[A]

Okay, let's just, let's just check in with Christy Lee. Speaking of automobiles.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

You're the expert on the Hyundai.

[D]

Yeah. That whole list that you just rattled off. Oh, I mean, Doc just rattled off. Those are all on my Hyundai. My Tucson Hybrid is full of wonderful things like the lanes, 360 cameras, heated and cooled seats. I mean, you can get it all. And you can get that all in the Santa Fe Hybrid as well. That's right. You don't have to choose. America's best lineup of hybrids comes from Hyundai and they have the powers to back it up. And the navigation for the toughest terrain. It's like having your cake and eating it, too. That's right. The Tucson Hybrid and the Santa Fe Hybrid available now at your Hyundai Dealer. Visit HyundaiUSA.com or you can give them a call. 562-314-4603 for all the details. Check it out. No one likes having to choose, but when you have to choose between a Hyundai Santa Fe or Tucson, ah, that's a good choice to be making, kids.

[A]

Thank you very much, Christy. We're coming right back. These are the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[C]

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[E]

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[C]

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[E]

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[A]

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[C]

Exclusions applies to home depot.com price match for details.

[B]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Thank God Auto Parts for all your car care needs. Get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. There's Christy Lee at the news desk.

[D]

Well, hi, Chick.

[B]

There's Pat Godwin.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

There's Josh Arnold.

[C]

Hi.

[B]

There's Ace Cosby. I'm Chick Magee over here@the orangeinsols.com sports desk. Remember, they are orange. And here's Tom.

[A]

That's our new motto.

[B]

So remember, they are. I'm trying to push it.

[A]

What color were the pills that Tiger woods had?

[B]

You know, white.

[A]

Those are white pills.

[B]

They said it was hydrocodone, I think.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Narco. Yeah. I thought it was Norco, but I

[A]

don't know the name of the pill is narcotic. I think it's Norco. Okay. In any event, there's some very interesting video with Mr. Woods talking to the

[B]

president while he, after he got pulled

[A]

over, claims he had the president on the phone.

[B]

The president, yeah.

[D]

He might have. Yeah. I, I mean, he's dating a Trump.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, so all the more reason, but, and this sounds like we're making it up, but he's not allowed to drive

[D]

the grandkids. Her kids.

[A]

Her kids.

[D]

You think he's going to his kids?

[B]

You think he's going to mar a lago for Easter?

[D]

Not now.

[A]

He's, he's out of the country at a rehab facility. But I guess. And you had an interesting story. I had not seen this. His agent went back to the scene of the crime. If you broke it, broke into the

[B]

car with a golf club and got his golf bag, Tiger's golf bag out of the back and fished around and took his putter out. And the agent held it up and said, he won 14 majors with this. Can't leave it behind.

[D]

Why wouldn't he take all the clubs?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I guess he, I know he took the Tease, the Long Island Ice Tease. See what I did there?

[B]

I did. See what you did there?

[A]

He blew a zero. He didn't have any booze in him.

[B]

Triple zero.

[A]

Who needs, who needs booze or you've got heavy narcotics Now I see we have a special guest in the studio.

[B]

We do.

[A]

This is quite the surprise.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Alanis. Percocet. Alanis. Okay.

[B]

It's good to see you.

[A]

Sorry, I had a different one up. Oh, sorry. You're not Alanis. Take off, take off that dress, Pat, for God's sake. I look drunk, but I'm sober. I get zeros when breathalyzed. I'm tiger, I'm healthy, I'm high, but I'm driving. I take what I'm prescribed. I'm slurring my words, not guilty, I don't need a driver I just to want, want my privacy cuz I've got two pills in my pocket and I'm flipping my suv. Very good. Thank you very much.

[D]

That's a great album.

[A]

I mean, Atlantis, Alanis Morissette, Jagged Little Pill. It's Alanis. Percocet, please. Yes, I had you confused with yourself. It's a potent set of pills. Now we return to the orangesouls.com sports desk with Chick Magee.

[B]

We were talking about Kirk Cousins. And the Raiders have agreed to a deal expected to help Fernando Mendoza transition. Kirk. Captain Kirk's what they call him. Agreed to a deal with the Las Vegas Raiders.

[A]

I don't know. I'm surprised. I think if you're going to help someone transition, wouldn't you get Caitlyn Jenner?

[B]

I don't think that's the kind of transition they mean. It goes from college to professional football. Quarterback.

[A]

Sorry.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

The Raiders hope the cousins, the veteran 37 year old will help ease the expected selection of Fernando with the top draft pick. Kirk's most recent team, Atlanta will pay $8.7 million this season and the Raiders will handle the remaining 1.3 million. Another 10 million guaranteed money will come next March. And Kirk now has the second highest paid quarterback in the history of the National Football League for his career, behind. For his career, right behind Matt Stafford. Tom Brady goes into third place. So there you go. And the Raiders also, if it goes well this year, they might want to keep Kirk around. They have a two year, $80 million option for Kirk.

[C]

You'll get that ring. Oh, wow.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Ace, of course, is an unbiased Raiders fan. Ace, can we have a. Can we have a personal bet? You put up. You put up your deed and I'll put up $50,000.

[B]

Hey, look at this. Here we go.

[A]

Stupid world record.

[B]

A group of kite enthusiasts.

[C]

Oh, really?

[B]

Have broken to get his world record for the largest kite flown.

[A]

I'd like to see this yeah, this is cool.

[B]

Abdul Rahman Al Farsi and his Al Farsi Kite Display Team.

[A]

Got a team.

[B]

Don't cheat yourself. This is a show. They've achieved the title. They flew a kite with a total area of over 13,000 square feet when laid flat.

[D]

What?

[B]

That's almost the size of five tennis courts.

[C]

Wonder how many people it took to hold the string.

[B]

Man.

[A]

Do we have a picture of this thing? Yeah. There we go.

[C]

It's one of those essentially deflated hot air balloon.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I never understood how those kites flew. I mean, I get the triangle shape sort of.

[C]

Right?

[B]

Those are. Oh, look at that.

[A]

It's beautiful. Huge.

[C]

It looks like it's from. Nope,

[B]

it does. And it's going to turn into a cloud or something.

[A]

Yeah, it's. And if you look in the background.

[B]

Oh, it's kite day.

[A]

It's like a kite festival.

[C]

That's pretty cool.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You know, I don't know what it is, but that all looks very relaxing.

[C]

It does.

[B]

The kites.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

In the sky.

[D]

That's the last time you flew a kite.

[B]

I don't think I ever have San

[A]

Diego hanging out with some dirty hippies.

[B]

So 95 dirty hippies in San Diego.

[C]

I was a. I was a kid. I don't think I did it as a. I remember when it went. When it got going, man. It was the thrill.

[B]

Oh, when it was good, it was good.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, lately, just check local listings. It's been so windy around here. If you had that kite, you'd be transported. Like Dorothy.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

In the wizard of Oz.

[C]

Yeah. That would lift you off the ground.

[A]

It's so beautiful.

[D]

I mean, who's holding? Is somebody I know.

[C]

I'd like to see.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I wonder if there's a bunch of people. There are clearly two ropes.

[A]

But you can see. Look, if there's a whole bunch of people down on the ground, that they must have lifted it. I assume they unfurl it and they all lift it at the same time.

[B]

Understand, I guess, the physics of it or whatever it is. But wouldn't a kite be able to lift you off the ground if you're not careful?

[D]

That's what I would think.

[A]

I think that one's probably big enough.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What did they say? What? I'm sorry, you did. You mentioned. I don't understand square footage. How does that translate into five.

[B]

Five tennis courts. Oh, yeah.

[A]

That's huge. Of course, now, I think in today's world, you have to translate that into pickleball courts. Yeah.

[B]

Probably 10.

[D]

Yeah. Pickleball's smaller.

[B]

13. 13,000 square feet, man.

[A]

It could carry a kid away.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

That's a huge house. 13,000 square feet.

[B]

Come here, Timmy. Why don't you go out and fly your kite? Don't let go of it now.

[A]

I've never been able to look at land and go, that's so many acres.

[C]

Or. Yeah, I'm terrible.

[A]

I can never walk into a house,

[B]

talk about stuff we can't do as adults.

[A]

There's a big list.

[B]

Can you eyeball how many?

[D]

You probably have, what, 11, 12,000 square feet?

[A]

I have no idea.

[B]

Can you eyeball a crowd and tell how many people there are? There are people who can do that.

[C]

I'm bad at that too.

[B]

There's 11,000 here. How do you know that?

[D]

I could never.

[A]

A lot of people in Washington that can't do it. There's a million people. Well, okay.

[B]

We've got another one. Stupid world record. This doesn't seem safe to me. Okay. And I'm. You know me. I'm Mr. Reckless. A nine year old power lifter has deadlifted £180. Videos of Lucy Milgram have gone viral showing her lifting nearly three times her own body weight.

[C]

I saw this. It's. It's pretty cool.

[B]

Really.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The elementary school student performed a feat while attending the Arnold Sports Festival in beautiful Columbus, Ohio.

[C]

Yeah, they're really cheering her on.

[A]

That's like picking up me or just like picking up chick.

[B]

Two Christies.

[A]

180.

[D]

Oh, I wish it were two Christies. So I'm working on it.

[B]

You.

[A]

Wait. What do you weigh on?

[C]

Don't, don't. You don't want to weigh 90 pounds.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

I was telling her today, when. I tell you today, you're looking a little chunky.

[D]

I know, I know.

[A]

You look great. Now the next. Next break, she'll be puking in the MM Dysmorphia.

[D]

That's me.

[A]

Do we have the video? This, this little. Little lady.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

My lord.

[C]

She's awesome.

[B]

She's ready and she.

[A]

But let me just say she doesn't look in any way different than your average.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Yeah. Which is smart. Yeah.

[D]

What does the weight belt do?

[B]

Keep everything.

[A]

It keeps your kidneys from flying out your ass.

[B]

You can't see the. The ass protector there.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

Oh, she's using a mixed grip.

[D]

Yes, she is.

[B]

That's where you're supposed to do it. Watch the bar bend. Oh, boy.

[D]

I got this. I got this.

[A]

She's got pigtails.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

Ready and she's ready to go.

[B]

She's pink.

[A]

Someone's giving a lot of encouragement.

[D]

Got a lot of. She's got a spotter.

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

And she does it. That's crazy.

[C]

And that's a full. Yeah. Oh, she doesn't. She didn't even drop it. No, she went back down with it,

[B]

sat it down and did it.

[A]

By the way, it's nice that the guys from ZZ Top are handling right. Look at the beard in that guy. That thing goes down to his waist.

[D]

Or our Handyman Mike. I haven't seen him for a while. I wondered what happened to him.

[B]

He does look like Handyman Mike. I wonder if he had any tomatoes backstage for the weightlifter.

[A]

By the way, if you're listening, Mike, we could use some tomatoes.

[D]

Tomato season.

[A]

I think he has. He has a hydroponic thing where he does other things.

[B]

Oh, is that what he said? He's growing tomatoes back there? Is that what he said?

[A]

Oh, wait a second.

[B]

I'm sorry, Mike. No, no, no, I understand.

[A]

Perfectly legal.

[B]

Guess what time it is.

[D]

What time is it?

[B]

That's right. Seems too loud. It's the shoeing of the week, NCAA style. Today's shoe and basketball picks presented by orangeinsults.com use the promo code Bob and Tom at checkout receive $5 off your total order plus free shipping in the USA at orangeandsouls.com Onions. That's what Bill Rafferty says on CBS. Onions. I don't know why he says it.

[A]

What?

[B]

Actually, sportscasters have started yelling out food items when somebody makes a basket, particularly in the NBA. Like Austin Marie's made a basket the other night and he yelled chicken salad, silly.

[A]

I always hated the 50 burger. Now this has gone even to more food items.

[B]

And you don't like tutty either for touchdowns.

[A]

No.

[B]

I don't know what's wrong.

[D]

That's because I'm surprised you don't like that. It sounds like never before.

[A]

It's. It's. Try to communicate to other people. Don't get too inside. Ah, okay.

[B]

Tonight the ladies begin the weekend. They are in Phoenix, Yukon and South Carolina. These are all number one seeds by the way. South Carolina getting six. I say that's not enough. I'll take yukon minus the six. And then also tonight at 9:30, Yukon in South Carolina. 7:00 clock Eastern. Tonight, UCLA and Texas. Texas getting two. I'm sorry? UCLA getting two. Texas giving two. I will take UCLA plus the two. I think they upset the Longhorns. As much as I love Austin. Sorry about that. And the men's side tomorrow night, Yukon and Illinois Huskies getting two at 609 Eastern. I like Yukon to win outright, so I'll take the huskies plus the two

[A]

real, my 10 year old daughters stands to win a thousand bucks.

[B]

Is that right?

[D]

Yeah, because she has Illinois.

[A]

She's in the pool at my gym.

[B]

No kidding. Yeah.

[A]

The second she won it last year, she put the money in the bank.

[B]

She did?

[E]

Yes.

[A]

She told her mom she's gonna buy a dog. She's already picked out the dog.

[B]

All right.

[A]

We already have two dogs.

[B]

You know what I have?

[D]

You want another dog?

[A]

Don't I? Listen, but yeah, we. She wants a different kind of dog than I want.

[B]

I have puppy fever. I went and there's a guy with a nice pickup truck and a golden retriever. Wasn't a puppy like 10 months old, right. Had his head out the back window looking around, sniffing everything. I'm getting puppies.

[A]

It's golden retriever season.

[B]

And Arizona plus two to my tomorrow night against Michigan. They are predicting a Big Ten final, but I like Arizona and I like UConn in both of these games. So I'll take Arizona plus the two.

[D]

Am I dreaming this? But did UConn win both the men's and women's tournament one year?

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

That's what I thought. It could happen again six times.

[A]

It's interesting that all the number one seeds are in the final four on the ladies.

[D]

Ladies side. Not only.

[A]

That's what I mean.

[B]

It's interesting.

[A]

It's good that that didn't happen in the for the men.

[D]

Why is it good?

[A]

Because it just shows there's some competition.

[B]

Anything can happen.

[A]

Now we have an interesting story coming up. Speaking of dogs, we have a little more information about a dog helicopter rescue. Oh yeah, and I have a question about that.

[D]

Okay. I watched the video. It's pretty incredible.

[A]

Do you have the story there? Oh, yeah.

[D]

A hiker's lost dog has been found after strangers helped fund the search through the wild New Zealand bush. When Jessica Johnston fell from a 180 foot waterfall, rescuers were forced to evacuate her without her border collie, Molly.

[A]

Now, first of all, it's a miracle

[D]

that she lived, she survived and she's not seriously injured. She did not break any bones. She has her arm all wrapped up and she's got some tape on her leg, a little places where she got cut on the rocks. But other than that, I was amazed. Yeah. Matt Newton, the owner operator of Precision Helicopters New Zealand, was determined to find Molly and after several failed searches, launched a fundraiser to pay for more flying hours.

[C]

There are a lot of people at Coachella who are determined to find Molly.

[D]

And they didn't need a helicopter.

[C]

No, no, no.

[D]

Yeah. They used thermal imaging equipment. So he, along with volunteers, were finally able after seven days to locate the dog a few feet from the spot where Ms. Johnston had gone over the waterfall.

[A]

So the dog had obviously been hanging out there.

[D]

They say that Molly, like laid there, like didn't move. She was disheveled and hungry, obviously, but in pretty good condition. She's a beautiful dog. And then they show her being reunited with her owner. And it's just.

[A]

So my question is this. If, if you've got a dog in a helicopter.

[B]

Yeah. I love this show.

[A]

Does the dog stick its head out the window like it's in a car?

[C]

This is great.

[D]

And the rescue guy had a Jack Russell that he brought with him to make Molly feel more comfortable in the copter. Yeah. And the rescue. You can see the little Jack Russell running up to her as she's crunched underneath the rocks. Yeah, it was.

[A]

The helicopter didn't scare the bejesus out of that dog. Cause it's like the world's scariest lawnmower coming at her.

[D]

Apparently not. She did not move. She is laying there like frozen. I'm sure she was so dehydrated and tired, she probably couldn't.

[B]

I don't know what it is, but I, I don't think at this point in my life I'd go up in a helicopter. I, I developed kind of a concern about that a couple years. No. And I, I didn't think I felt that way. But now I, I certainly do. Would you go up and.

[A]

I've been in helicopter. It's.

[D]

I have too.

[A]

It's a little interesting.

[D]

It's fun. I enjoy it.

[A]

I was in the so called whirly bird type where you can look right

[B]

down through the glass.

[A]

You're in that bubble and.

[D]

Yeah, I've done it to see Christmas lights. And I did it in the Keys and saw a lot of sharks.

[B]

Oh, that's nice. Oh, did you see the hammerhead shark underneath the Surfer yesterday? I thought of you. It's another shark. They're gonna be on land for you.

[D]

It's the sharks home. They're gonna be sharks.

[A]

That's where the sharks live.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's coming up in the world of news, Christy Lee?

[D]

We're gonna have an Update on Artemis 2. We've got monkeys in the news. We've got a Guy in Kenya trying to smuggle ants. We got a lot of things going on and we have rappers in the news here today.

[A]

This is a fascinating list.

[D]

Well, we have horrible rap names.

[C]

Horrible rap names.

[D]

Did you hear about rapper Pooh Shiesty? I have that coming up.

[C]

I'm not familiar with Pooh Shiesty.

[A]

Is this a well known rapper? I'm not familiar with it. Is it a Mr. Or Mrs.

[D]

It's a Mr. And he's charged with trying to kidnap his rival Gucci Mane. I'm sure you've heard of that.

[C]

Yeah, I've heard of Gucci Mane.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I have not.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

This is astonishing. Someone in. Someone in the rap world is involved in criminal activity.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Wow, that's. That's. Oh, wait a minute. That's.

[B]

Every day there's a Sopranos episode where they ask Bobby Bacalota, the rapper asked him to shoot me in the ass. I got an album coming out.

[A]

Honestly, that's great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

These are the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Just gotta get a hold of us.

[B]

Call, text or email.

[A]

Get all the contact information you need

[E]

at bob and tom.com. this is the Bob and Tom Show.

[A]

It'd be fun.

[B]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studio at the news desk. It's Christy Lee.

[D]

Hi.

[B]

There's Pat Godwin.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

Hello indeed. There's Josh Arnold.

[C]

Hi there.

[B]

Ace Cosby.

[C]

Howdy.

[B]

I'm chick [e-mail] sports desk. Hello, Tom.

[A]

You certainly are Chicken McGee Orange and souls.com sports.

[B]

And I just wrapped up with the world record.

[A]

That was a sports broadcast late like, like unlike any other.

[B]

Yes, certainly.

[A]

I have been informed that we are supposed to look at the big screen there. So look at this.

[B]

Oh, he looks rather dapper today. Hi, Jeff.

[C]

Hi, everybody. It's Friday, which means it's failed to mention news. I give you guys a lot of the news each week. I don't give you all the news. So I'm here to give you. Wait, I screwed that up. You guys give a lot of news. You don't give all the news. So I'm here to give the news

[A]

that you failed a mission.

[B]

Here's Jeff Oskay with failed to mention news.

[C]

A horse set a new world record by performing 38 tricks in three minutes. What you failed to mention. I want to see David Rush beat this record. Come on, David. A porn addiction app got hacked and hundreds of thousands of men's porn habits along with their names and journals were leaked. Well, you failed to mention. I bet. Well, you failed to mention their IT security must be ran by a bunch of Jag offs. That's their last name. They're Russian. Someone was handing out vodka shots during a four hour wait in the TSA line in Houston. Well, you failed to mention. If lines get any longer, Mike Lindell will have to head down there. Start handing out the free pillows.

[A]

My pillow.

[C]

My pillow.

[A]

My pillow.

[C]

Cashews were voted America's favorite nut. What? You failed to mention. A close second. Gary Busey.

[A]

Hey, he's nuts. He's crazy.

[B]

He's bizarre. Lately too.

[C]

Some airlines will now allow couch style seating on certain aircrafts. What you failed to mention. I do this now. Sure I get a lot of complaints, but this just proves how ahead of my time I am.

[A]

You snuggle with strangers?

[C]

Oh yeah, I don't mind it.

[B]

Nice.

[C]

Another kid got caught in the claw machine. What you failed to mention. I think when your kid gets caught in a claw machine it should be a race. You either have to free them with quarters first before CPS gets down there. And finally NASA and Tom thinks there will be an issue with conceiving babies in space. What you failed to mention. The issue is they're sending up our best and brightest. You're never going to get pregnant that way. We need to send up a dude who's had five jobs in the last four months and a chick with an ankle monitor who just got arrested again for fighting at the Waffle House while she was on the clock. You'll have your space baby in no time. This has been the news. Fail to mention.

[A]

Thank you, Jeffrey.

[B]

Jeff Oskin.

[D]

Speaking of space. Yes, NASA's Artemis 2 astronauts have fired their engines and are blazing toward the moon. The so called trans lunar ignition came 25 hours after liftoff. Putting the three Americans and one Canadian on course for a lunar fly around early next week. The first engine firing for a moon crew since Apollo 17 set out on the era's final moonshot back in 1972. They had to stick close to home for a day to test their capsules life support systems before clearing for the departure to the moon. Because once you go, you can't come back. Unless you go around the moon and slingshot back.

[B]

Of the many reasons I'm not an astronaut. Okay. I want to be testing today.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

The life supports. I'm sorry, what?

[C]

You didn't test those on the ground.

[A]

I didn't and we were talking at some. At some Length yesterday about the toilet. That was one of the big things. It's a new toilet on the.

[B]

And they were.

[A]

The big deal was testing it and it immediately broke.

[D]

The brand new toilet on board Artemis 2 broke within hours of launch. NASA confirmed that there was a problem with the toilet fan on the Orion spacecraft, which meant astronauts on board could still defecate in the toilet, but they could not pee in it. Yeah. Where are the right.

[B]

I don't want to know.

[D]

Mission specialist Christina Koch took on the role of space plumber, executing a series of steps radioed up from Houston. While controllers on the ground monitored the toilet systems, took remote troubleshooting measures, turning it on and off. And the fix worked. Though crew members still had to wrestle with a few toilet woes before the system was fully functional again. Everything's fine now.

[A]

And you were asking if during launch. Because that launch sequence they're, they're bolted into that capsule for quite some time

[D]

that in the, the fear factor, I would think. You don't think you would. I don't know, there might be a leakage issue once that rocket takes off.

[A]

Well, they, they do. In fact, we're, they're wearing in effect adult diaper.

[D]

Right.

[B]

Weren't there initials for it or.

[A]

From now it's called the mag. Yeah, it stands for maximum absorbency garment.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a lot cooler.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Yeah, I got my mags on it. Sounds like you're some badass drag racer.

[D]

Sure.

[B]

That's a right stuff term.

[A]

Yeah. And they've got, they've got initialisms for everything. You talk about a gig with some jargon, but at the same time, these people are super badass. Oh yeah, but I, I'm, I'm, I can see the hotlines ringing up. Is. Is somebody there? Hello? Hello?

[C]

Bob and Tom's show.

[B]

Hey, Bob and Tom show.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, Ed, Sadie.

[B]

Hey, Ed, how are you? I'm up here on Artemis.

[A]

It's sure a crap show up.

[C]

Oh, you're helping fix things.

[A]

Yeah, we heard that brand new million dollar space toilet broke in the first couple of hours.

[B]

Oh, yeah, man, it's. It's horrible. You can go number two, but you can't go number one.

[A]

So what are they doing? Have you tried, ever tried going number

[B]

two without doing number one?

[A]

I can't.

[B]

Possible. You gotta kick it off like a hose. Yeah, kick it off. You know, garden hose. Right. Pinch it off or you're gonna get both of them. Oh, man. Luckily for NASA, I had a 130 open yesterday, so they flew me up 130. I'm all crapped out.

[C]

I'll be honest.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

All right, well, good luck, Bob and Tom.

[C]

And the good news is the crabber's going again, so let her flow.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Well done, Ed.

[A]

I mean, because they don't have a. Like an airlock where they can. No, I mean, I didn't. So they go. They got to store it all. I assume it's in little baggies in a little compartment.

[B]

I've got a question. They said fan, right? Where's the fan Fan into?

[C]

Probably suck it into whatever compartment it's holding.

[D]

It wouldn't blow it right back in your face.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you're really interested, there is a great deal of information about this space toilet online.

[D]

Scientific American. Yeah, they have a great article.

[A]

It's very complicated. And. But. And for the. But for the. For the first time, apparently they can do both at the same time. So it's very sophisticated. I know they're. When they're working on a system where they'll be able to recycle the urine and drink it. I mean, it'll obviously go through a lot of purification.

[B]

Well, that's old technology. Kevin Costner did that in Water World.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Yeah. You saw that.

[A]

Might be some problems with. Hey, Susie, your breath smells like. Like piss. Well, they can't get everything out of it.

[B]

That can't be good for you to drink your own urine.

[A]

No, no, it's processed.

[B]

I don't care.

[A]

Haven't you seen that stuff at certain sewage treatment plants? They'll walk up and they've got a little tap and they've completely. Oh, no.

[B]

When we toured that place, they had us drink water.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Remember that? Out of a clear glass.

[A]

Good for them. That's cool.

[B]

I'm still sick.

[A]

Coming up, we have a pink elephant in the news.

[B]

Yeah, we do.

[A]

And we do have this interesting story. In the world of rap, it appears there's some criminal activity in hip hop. Who knew?

[D]

Who would have thought?

[A]

And we also have a list of the worst hip hop band names and hip hop artists, and we have some of the worst rock band names and there are some really terrible ones out there. We're gonna find out what they are when we return to the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[B]

Thanks for listening to the Bob and

[A]

Tom show this morning, even though we're

[B]

not too much to look at.

[A]

You can also watch the show on our YouTube channel, Legion.

[B]

Welcome back to the Bob and Top Show. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios at The news desk. It's Christy Lee.

[D]

Hello.

[B]

There's Pat Godwin.

[A]

Hey, Chick.

[B]

Hey, man. There's Josh Arnold.

[C]

Hi there.

[B]

There's Ace Cosby.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

Hello indeed. I'm chick@the orangeinsols.com sports desk. Hello, Tom.

[A]

Hello, Chickster. A quick reminder. We've got our pop up shop up and popping. And we've got those charity T shirts up there, et cetera, et cetera. You'll find [e-mail] the all new bobandtom.com. they've done a great job fixing it up. And also we have our brand new app. Find out about our VIP stuff, et cetera, et cetera. We'd certainly appreciate that. I look around the room. I see Christy Lee, I see Patty G. The aforementioned Pat Godwin. And Josh is here. Ace is here. I just went to the green room. I saw T.J. miller in there, the great comedian. He's coming in here?

[D]

Yeah, no, he's just gonna grab some coffee, leave.

[B]

He heard about our green room has great coffee.

[A]

It does. Thank you very much. Now let's just move forward here.

[D]

Oh, we have a phone call. Appears.

[B]

Hello? Hey, Baba. Tom is dead again.

[A]

Oh, that's that Septic. Hey, Ed, are you still up in space?

[B]

I'm still up here on Artemis. I finally figured out what the problem was.

[A]

Toilet's broken. I heard that.

[B]

Well, it wasn't broken at all. The guys just forgot to put the seat back down. Oh, ye. Yeah, Christina got all mad. Sure.

[C]

I just wanted to call and let

[A]

Christina's husband know that while I'm up

[B]

here, I will not try to bang his wife.

[A]

Okay, thank you.

[C]

Very honorable of you.

[B]

And as I always say, one small pee for man, one giant crap for mankind. I'm Ed Septic. Have a great day. By the time.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

Very, very, very helpful. Now, I understand that we have news from the world of hip hop.

[D]

That's right. Rapper Pooh Shiesty has been charged with kidnapping amid an alleged dis. Dispute envalo involving fellow rapper Gucci Mane's label.

[A]

Now I have. I'm not familiar with Mr. Shiesty's work.

[D]

I'm sure you're not

[A]

now with Mr. Shy. It's Pooh like. Like Winnie the.

[D]

Like.

[B]

Like Pooh Bear.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Here's a little bit of it for you.

[B]

Smart.

[A]

This is the big hit back and forth. You get the idea.

[D]

According to federal prosecutors, the three victims flew to Dallas for what they thought was a business meeting with Pooh Shiesty at a music studio. Prosecutors said once Victims were inside the recording studio. Pooh and eight co conspirators robbed the men at gunpoint and kidnapped them.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

The incident reportedly stems from a contract dispute involving 1017 Records, which is Gucci Mane's label. So there you go.

[A]

Gucci Mane's another rapper.

[B]

Rapper.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

But we have a list of the worst rap names. Pooh, Shiesty. I mean. That's right.

[D]

You don't like that one, do you?

[A]

Well, does he have in his posse? Tigger and Piglet? Is posse still a thing?

[B]

I don't think so. Squad is the last I heard. Or I don't think Squad's in still any.

[A]

So you guys aren't my posse.

[C]

No, No, I. Yeah.

[B]

I don't. Disgruntled, I think.

[A]

Okay. All right. No, these are bad rap names.

[D]

Yeah. I'm. And a lot of these I don't get. Like Trip, Triple X, Tentation, Tintation, Temptation, T, E, N, T. Temptation.

[B]

Huh.

[D]

Doesn't even make sense. We have 69 boys.

[A]

B, O, Y, Z. Huh.

[D]

A boogie with that hoodie.

[A]

That's a second song.

[D]

I like that one.

[B]

I want a T shirt and hat.

[D]

I'll boogie with that hoodie. Yeah. Come on. What's wrong with that, boy?

[A]

Yeah, skip that. They don't do that.

[D]

Bubba Sparks with a lot of X's.

[C]

He's popular.

[B]

I've heard about this.

[D]

Dreddy Krueger.

[C]

I like Dreddy Krueger.

[A]

So is that, like, guy with dreadlocks? That's scary. Like Freddy Krueger, maybe.

[B]

Which came first, Edward Scissorhands or Freddy Krueger?

[C]

Freddy Krueger.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[D]

Teabag Boys.

[A]

I assume they're English.

[D]

English, yes.

[A]

I'm having a little tea myself right now.

[D]

There's a Wu Tang Clan affiliated one that. I can't say. Shorty Estain. Let's leave it at that.

[C]

Shorty Esteem.

[B]

Did you see that one, Tom?

[A]

Shorty. S word.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Stay.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

That's amazing.

[A]

But he's affiliated with the Wu Tang Clan. Of course.

[B]

I can't get enough of that. That's wonderful.

[D]

There's powhite trash.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Prozac Turner. The next one is like a. Like a license plate. Like a.

[A]

Like a vanity plate.

[D]

Thank you. That's what I was.

[A]

Just letters.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

And it's. I'll spell it for you. But I'll do it.

[B]

I think the Weeknd started this with a dropping an E. I think.

[D]

Well, this is icy.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Yt Wa. And then nt.

[A]

Oh, I don't.

[C]

I see. Whitey Watt.

[A]

No. No, I see twa.

[C]

Oh, that's.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that a. Is that a girl group?

[B]

Is there a ride?

[D]

They don't get a lot of dates.

[B]

Shouldn't there be ride on the end of that?

[D]

Little dicky is in here. Bobby Ludavelli.

[C]

Just a rapper. Bobby Ludavelli.

[D]

No, that's wrong. It's Booby Ludavelli. I missed an.

[B]

Oh, I. I was so excited it was gonna be Bobby.

[C]

Me too.

[D]

Luda Valli. And then there's Childish Gambino, which we all.

[C]

Oh, sure.

[B]

Donald Glover.

[A]

That's the most famous one I've left.

[D]

Right.

[A]

But now we also have a list of the worst band names.

[D]

Yeah. And I. You go ahead. Because half of these you cannot say on the air. I don't know how. Why did you give these two?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Oedipus and the Mama Boys. I could read that one.

[A]

Oedipus and the Mama's Boys.

[C]

I don't think it's a bad band name. That's a funny brand name.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Buster Hyman and the Pretend and the Penetrators.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, that's an old one. Cherry Popping Daddies.

[C]

Oh, sure.

[B]

Yeah. That been around forever.

[A]

Yeah. King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard.

[D]

Natalie Portman. Shaved Head. That's a stupid name.

[C]

That's weird.

[B]

She shaved one of the Star Wars.

[D]

Yeah, it's real shorn.

[C]

I remember her having a shaved head.

[A]

This is interesting because this band. Actually, you might have heard of finger 11?

[B]

Sure, yeah.

[A]

But their original name was the Rainbow Butt Monkeys.

[C]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah. Wow.

[D]

Okay. Yeah, go ahead.

[A]

I can't do any of the next three.

[D]

You can't do any of these. Broken Penis Orchestra. We can say that one, huh?

[B]

A lot. There's a lot of screaming.

[A]

You really can't. If you name your band that, you're not going to go very far. No, they're not. You're not going to look at that, though.

[B]

That's got to be tough to name a band.

[D]

I like this. You. And I love that.

[A]

There's like, the next three you can't even name.

[D]

How about the Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravaganza?

[B]

Tony could tap dance. He's overlooked a lot.

[A]

I do like the surf Wankers.

[D]

Sure. And then obviously we've heard of Portugal the Man and Puddle of Mud. Those are big.

[C]

Why are those even on?

[D]

I don't know. Those are great names and they're great bands.

[A]

I don't think Portugal the Man is the good name for a band.

[D]

Why?

[A]

Okay. I don't know. They're.

[C]

They you know what?

[D]

It's worked out for them, sure, as they're very successful.

[B]

Yeah. That great song. I know it when I hear it.

[D]

And also Chumbawomba, that's on here. Chimalamba's got a hit. They're big.

[C]

Yeah, they had that big hit. Top thumping.

[B]

Yep. I get.

[A]

Didn't we found out that that had been in more movies than almost any other.

[D]

I get knocked out and I get up again.

[B]

How you like me now? By the Heavy or something like that. That's in every ton of stuff, you know, if you heard it.

[A]

Yeah, okay. It's certainly an interesting list.

[C]

There's a new band out now that I think it's a great name. Post Sex Nachos. Oh, they've got a really good song.

[B]

That's pretty good.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I like the idea of it.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

After sex.

[C]

Well, why not? I mean, yeah. Not. No, not always, but Post Sex Nachos. That's not a terrible conceit.

[D]

No.

[A]

I hope they're not doing it in the bed. Well, you don't eat nachos in a bed.

[B]

Don't go to a formal setting after you've had sex.

[C]

Maybe the sex wasn't even in the bed.

[D]

Yeah, maybe it was in the kitchen. While.

[C]

I know that's hard for you to

[B]

fathom, and what about this? Maybe they had sex and didn't have a baby afterwards. What are you gonna do with that?

[A]

Something sin. Wow. I mean, the surf wankers, you suppose, hired them for their wedding? Well, after the ceremony, we're going to leave the church. We'll take pictures, then we're going to have music with the surf wankers. What do you think, Mom?

[B]

Do you remember how controversial the Dead Kennedys were when they. It's like, oh, my God, what are they doing?

[A]

They were a punk band in the late 70s.

[B]

Yeah, trailblazers.

[A]

Well, now, coming up, we're gonna hang out with comedian TJ Miller. I can't believe he's here. That'll be great.

[B]

Oh, he's here.

[A]

But right now it's time to check in with little Josh and his. His band, the Orange Collapsed Arches. Oh, there we go.

[C]

Or the complaining knees.

[B]

Or the rejuvenated feet because of orange insoles.

[C]

That's right. Feet get tired, Arches do indeed collapse. Heels ache, knees whine, lower backs tighten up. I know when I climb the stairs, it sounds like bubble wrap. Orange insoles deliver rigid arch support that don't collapse by lunchtime. What have you got in your shoes right now? Those thin do nothing liners that are like lasagna noodles in there. Those are. Those aren't what you need, my friends. Get some Orange Insoles. They have deep heel cups that cradle your heels and absorb shock naturally. They help maintain alignment. That's the key there as your feet and legs fatigue. That reduces stress on all your other parts. Knees, hips, lower back. Translation less.

[B]

Ugh.

[C]

At the end of the day. That's right. They're durable enough for work boots. They're comfortable enough for everyday wear. They're built for real people out there doing real things, walking around, working hard, nursing, serving, teaching. If you've ever said my feet are killing me, these are for you, visit orangeinsouls.com Order more and save. Because Orange Insoles offers bundle packs, be sure to use promo code Bob and Tom at checkout. That's gonna get you five bucks off your total order. Plus you're gonna get free shipping if you're in the U.S. what?

[A]

Free shipping? No one does free shipping anymore.

[C]

Orange Insoles does if you're in the U.S. orangeinsouls.com promo code Bob and Tom.

[A]

You gotta help me name. This is my new great idea. The orange Insoles dog. The barking, barking dog. This is a great idea that'll be

[B]

singing the like a mascot.

[A]

Yeah, that is a great big orange dog.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Barking because his feet hurt.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Gotta name him. Sure.

[B]

Big big toe.

[A]

Big toe.

[B]

Big toe in the dog.

[C]

Yeah. Loafer's not bad.

[B]

Oh, that's good.

[A]

But you don't want it to sound like people aren't working hard.

[B]

How about Chaka? Good for shoe. Chucky. Chuck. Chuck.

[A]

No, no, that's like that scary doll. Oh, someone. Yeah, someone will think of a good name for the Origins Hills official dog. So far that they haven't warmed up to this idea yet. But I think they need a mascot.

[B]

We're all warmed up to it.

[A]

I think our show needs a mascot. We've never had one.

[C]

I thought we were the mascot.

[D]

We were your mascot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I thought we were us and you were. Yeah, like the six headed depressed mass of human. What do you do now?

[A]

Tommy G. And the disgruntled.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Okay. Coming up, comedian T.J. miller. These are the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[B]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. There's Christy Lee at the news desk. Hello. There's Pat Godwin.

[C]

Hey, Chick.

[B]

Hey, man. There's Josh Arnold. Hi. Ace Cosby's here. Hello, I'm Chick magee@the orangeinsouls.com sports desk. And Tom, we have a very special guest this morning.

[A]

The handsome factor in this room just went way up.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

And the intelligence factor went way down.

[A]

Well, I didn't want to say it that way, but I think it goes without saying. He is comedian T.J. miller. That's a very fancy.

[B]

Isn't that nice?

[A]

I know you're. You're from Denver, right?

[E]

Yeah, I am.

[A]

That's. That's got kind of a western feel.

[E]

Does it feel like that? Black people love this Jack whole joke about it. That's not usually how people open their radio segment, but they really, really do. And I get compliments on it in Manhattan. I live in New York City. As a standup comedian, that's sort of where you need to be, I think, to do the most amount of shows. I can do like three or four shows in one night. But yeah, originally from Denver and my family, I just came from last night. My mother in law lives in Indiana and Springport at a horse farm.

[A]

Cool.

[E]

Yeah, it's really cool. And until she sort of baits you into doing yard work. Before coming in to do this show last night, I thought, you know, I needed to drive in. I stayed somewhere near here because it's the biggest radio show in the world. And I thought it was very funny that as I said, okay, I think I'm gonna get going. My mother in law kind of goes, okay, well be careful on the way out because there's a lot of overgrowth of the black raspberry brush there. So on the way out. And I go, oh, okay, well, yeah, I'm gonna head out. If only be nice to get that prune, you know how it is. And getting. And I'm feeling so tired because, well, you know, and it just. For some reason, it takes about a minute and a half from a mother in law. And then I'm out there with shears cutting and it's getting dark. How did, how did this happen? And I love it. I love working. I think that's a big part of why she likes me and my wife likes me. But I. So I'm not kind of, I don't want to do this, but I'm out there and then I don't know about all of you, but I have a little bit of tenacity in me. I think it's that Midwest for me, it's Colorado. It's that once I start something, I got to get it done right. And so then it's done. It's 45 minutes or an hour later. And I just, I see myself kind of looking at the shape and seeing if I can shape it a little bit so that it follows a bit around. Cause I want it to be along the sidewalk, but not too far out from. And I go, what am I doing? I've got to do pop and talk tomorrow. So finally I say, I got to get out of here. And she's like my father. And I think we all have a parent. Usually it's one, not two. But did you guys have a parent who just, even if you did the best job, tried the hardest you possibly could, put everything into it. You're out there trying to shape the black raspberry shrub to sort of be in the visage of your mother in law. So it looks beautiful, but it's still kind of thorny. And you're kind of going, you know, what do you think? And they go, that was fine. Yeah, that was quite fine.

[D]

We could have maybe done that.

[E]

Yeah, right, exactly. I don't even think I listened to that. You want to hear any more from me? I'll be on the radio.

[A]

I'm on YouTube.

[E]

Yeah, right, exactly. Where all my.

[A]

Do you call her by her first name?

[E]

Yes, but I do like this because I don't think she's up early enough to be listening to this.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Her name is Hermione.

[A]

What is it?

[E]

Hermione. And it's spelled like Hermione. Okay, from the right, but she pronounces it Hermione. And I don't often do this joke because I'm afraid she'll hear it. But every single time I address her like you said, you know, do you call her by her first? I'm like Hermione. I always kind of want to go Hermione. You do know that you're pronouncing your name wrong? Does anyone talk to you about that? But yeah, I'll call her Hermione. And then, and then she has this great boyfriend. This is kind of the world that we live in and I love it. I love that my 70 something mother in law has a boyfriend. My father now has a girlfriend and he's 81.

[D]

Good for him.

[E]

Oh, I think it's great. And she's. I'll do the joke about my mother in law, not him, but her boyfriend is like, I don't know, 65 or something. Really robbing the cradle. Oh yeah, like that. So she's. It's fun. And my father's dating a girl who's, you know, younger. I Like saying, girl, she's like 68 or something, but she is a bit. I mean, it's, you know, it's really fun. So. And he's really, he's very interesting. He's a Quaker, which, you know, I don't come across a lot of Quakers in my day to day life. I hang out at bars a lot though, so. So maybe that's part of it. There's not a lot of intersections with what I do.

[B]

Sure.

[E]

I guess if it's legal. I'm in a dispensary often. Not a lot of Quakers in there. But he's just a brilliant guy and loves to talk about religion. And he's a fisher and he's always dressed. You know anybody like that? Especially like in Indiana. My wife's from Michigan also. You know, anybody who kind of. They're always dressed in Colorado, we say, that's too much. They're always dressed like they're just about to go fishing. It's not necessarily gonna happen. But if somebody walked in and goes,

[C]

we gotta get to the creek.

[E]

Now they're kind of like, oh, yeah. Well, I have, you know, all my bait and tackle is in these cargo pants.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

TJ Miller is our guest. TJ Miller is a distinguished standup comedian and TJ is currently featured on YouTube. He's got a lot of, a lot of TV in the background and movies, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah, I remember talking to you about. I love that show. Was it called Silicon Valley?

[E]

Silicon Valley, yeah.

[A]

That's great. Yeah, yeah, Terrific show.

[E]

Yeah, it was a great show. And that's. I have an interesting thing where people say, well, what do you, you know, what do people recognize you from? And it really is just demographics, you know, I mean, it's. There's all tech people know me from Silicon Valley. A lot of people love that. But that was on hbo, so then a lot of people recognized me from Deadpool. I was in the first two Deadpools, so I'll get recognized for that. But then I was in a film called Office Christmas Party, which is an R rated Christmas movie. It's really, really fun. It's a little more cocaine than most Christmas movies. Well, depending on how you like to watch them. If you DO radio at 5am Sometimes that's a part of your Christmas evening. You've got to work, you know, in the next couple days. So you know that. And then, you know, some people recognize me from Transformers 4, Age of Extinction. So that's people who like cars, you know, some of that and robots, I guess. And so people kind of know in horror movie, fans know me from Cloverfield. They did this film called Underwater and then a big movie that a lot of my fan base loves is she's out of my league.

[B]

That's.

[C]

That's my favorite.

[E]

And I bet, because I really do. I know not a lot about you enough that we hugged in the green room, or at least I tried to, and you walked away, but I felt, I feel like my fan base, a lot of them. And if you look at my wife, you can look up a picture of my wife. She's so. She's completely out of my league. And I have a lot of people that come to my shows and they're couples. And it is always a beautiful woman, cool woman, you know, just fun, funny. Call it Midwest 10. When it's a beautiful girl and she's smart and funny, she can still kill a six pack and wants to tailgate, but will yell at you and tell you need to go to bed, but also says, I did something special for Taco Tuesday. That to me. That to me was the Midwest.

[B]

There you go.

[E]

And so she is very that. And a lot of the guys that come and see me and the couples will come and it's like this. This gorgeous girl, cool girl, really funny girl. And then this guy who, like you and I kind of. You look at the couple, you're like, how did that happen? This guy is really. I would not expect this at all. I say, when I walk down the street with my wife, people are confused. They look at each other, they go, I didn't know. They did make a wish. At this.

[A]

I get the. How come she's with her dad, I bet.

[E]

But that's. I'm going to be. My wife and I are in our 40s now and we're kind of getting to the. We did sort of in vitro and the. The freezing of the embryo. So we have four frozen children, three girls and one boy. And so he's in there going, me first, please. But, yeah, I think we live in a very interesting time. Very interesting.

[A]

You mentioned the girlfriend thing. I mean, we. In English, we don't have a good word for that. My sister has a boyfriend. She's my older sister. And I often refer to Kelly as my girlfriend. We have two children together.

[E]

No, you know what? And I say that I actually, I was talking about this the other day. I'm glad you brought that up because I sometimes say to my wife, you know, do you think I'm being a good enough boyfriend? Or I'll say, you know, well, I'm just trying to. You know, I'm just your boyfriend doing. So I'll kind of interchange husband and boyfriend, because I often find that husband becomes a little more institutional. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Well, it's my wife, so, you know, I'll.

[D]

She's not going anywhere. I don't have to try so hard.

[E]

So as a boyfriend, I did this great. I'm gonna. I'm gonna teach everybody a trick right now to use. I pranked my wife. Okay. And. And so what I did was I travel every weekend because I love doing Santa. I'm just absolutely fascinated by it. I just think it is one of the most interesting things a person can do. And I'm an improviser. So I started in Second City in Chicago, and a lot of my show is improvised. You'll see. I have a special on YouTube called Dear Jonah. Started off as a special about pandemic material. And I talked to this kid. He had cargo pants. That clip is online, has like 20 million views. And he kind of derailed the show a bit. And then he was part of the show and more part of the show, and I involved. And then by the end, we did the Closer together, and it was just great. So the whole special is largely improvised. I did another special, is all crowd work. I do a lot of improvisation because I think if you come to my show, it should be just for you. I love the idea of if you're coming to a live event, it's. I improvise. No one else will ever see the same show. I will never perform this exact show. It's just for us, just that night. And you've torn your attention away from a screen, which is really hard for any of us to do. And you're just present. You're there, and I love that. I just absolutely love it. And so I just. I came up with this thing that I thought was really funny. I told Kate that I was going to Irvine, California. It was all in the calendar, the pickup, the flights, everything. And she thought nothing of it. And I said, all right, well, I'm gonna leave. Can you say goodbye to me? And now she is my wife, so she was like, I gotta do errands up there now. Please come home and. And see me off. She go, okay. And then I go, can you come downstairs and just give me a kiss when I leave? Now she's starting to go, all right, buddy. Okay, I'll do that. Seems a little clingy, but all right. She comes downstairs, give me a Kiss. She's in front of the building. The black car is there. So I go, I say goodbye. I put my baggage into the back. I get into the car, open the door. I say, all right, I love you. I'll see you soon. I'm off to California. And I get in the car, close the door, open the door. I have a bouquet of red roses. I get my stuff out of the back, and I come up to her and I go, wow, that really flew by. That's the fastest I've ever been to California. It almost seems like I never left. Anyway, what do you want to do this weekend? And she's like, what is happening? And I surprised her. I had no work that weekend, so I stayed with her the whole weekend. And she's an artist, and so I pretended to be her art assistant and I did all the errands that she wanted and all that. And it's one of the best things I've ever done in the marriage because it really kind of revitalized her. Now, we didn't need any help with the two of us, but I think she just. She had started to feel like she was the in between. You know, she got attention when I wasn't working.

[A]

I thought you were gonna say you posed nude.

[E]

Oh, I was nude in the car.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[E]

I'm a quick change artist. I was in completely different clothing when I got out. Did I mention that I was in a full ball gown?

[A]

Is she an artist? Is she a painter?

[E]

She's an installation artist. So she goes into a room like this and changes every part of it to be a part of the installation. And so it's really fascinating. She's quite famous in the south of France, actually. And then New York is kind of slowly catching up and understanding.

[A]

Is the place you live. Does she constantly change that around?

[E]

No, she's pretty hard and fast about. But she's very good at interior design and she's kind of good at everything.

[A]

Does she touch your stuff?

[E]

It depends on how many roses and how naked I am.

[A]

No, no, not that stuff. I meant, I bet you're. You know, I. Do you have your own place in your house that she's not allowed just to walk in and go, why, isn't this your.

[E]

Oh, yeah, I have a full. Just a big kind of shelf and that's.

[A]

You have the one shelf?

[E]

Yeah. Can't touch anything.

[A]

I think it's all her stuff. We live in the same world.

[E]

Yeah, well, it's. I think, you know, you do kind of want that. And I. I Did finally say. It's funny though. We live in an apartment in Manhattan and it's incredibly nice and it is just. Manhattan is cost prohibitive. It's so expensive. We have this beautiful place and it is a one bedroom and it's really nice because you don't have to walk from the kitchen to the dining room to the living room or anything because they're all the same room. Play that game a lot. Where. But yeah. So it's, it's not a, it's not a big place. But I like a lot of the. Yeah, I realize. Are any of you like this? I kind of. I'm not a guy who goes, well, don't touch or I don't like this. Or I'm sort of. I go with the flow. I'm easygoing and I like her taste and I like, you know, how she makes everything look. But yeah, I think I find little corners and little areas where I go this, I'm, I'm doing this. I don't want anything.

[A]

Does she criticize the way you dress?

[B]

Something makes me think you're not talking about TJ anymore.

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry, I got off topic. Our guest is comedian T.J. miller. And T.J. also has a new stand up special called Philosophy Circus available for free on YouTube. We'll get back to that in just a second. But first, Chick Magee, what's happening over there?

[B]

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[A]

Thank you very much, Chick Magee. We are coming right back with comedian T.J. miller. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[B]

Want to share a letter or comment? Our email is bobandtombobandtom.com

[A]

very much.

[B]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. There's Christy Lee at the news desk.

[D]

Hey, chicken.

[B]

There's Pat Godwin.

[D]

Hello.

[B]

There's Josh Arnold.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

Ace Cosby's here.

[E]

Hello.

[B]

I am Chick Begee. And there's Tom stirring his. What do we got going over there, bud? Coffee.

[D]

He has tea today.

[B]

Have some tea. And we have a special guest, Tom,

[A]

joining us in the studio, Colorado's own T.J. miller. You ski?

[E]

I do. I've been skiing since I was four years old.

[A]

Me, too. I just was curious because I every once in a while you meet someone that lives in some cool western western place. They don't ski. I can't understand it.

[E]

Well, it's a tough one. It's like meeting somebody. One of the comedians that's opening for me is an Indiana native, Luke Thayer, who's very, very funny. And he and I were talking about he's from Indiana and he does play basketball. We talk about how bad it is if you're from Indiana and you're like six four and somebody goes, oh, did you play basketball?

[B]

No.

[E]

That's how it's tough. It's tough to meet somebody who's like six five or six, six, six, and they didn't play basketball.

[A]

What are you? What are you? Six?

[B]

Three?

[A]

Six.

[E]

I'm six. Yeah. About six three.

[A]

And your shoe size, chick, you notice it?

[B]

14.

[A]

Can you lift your foot up on the shelf? I want to show.

[D]

What did you say to him as you were walking?

[E]

Listen, I've been down this road before.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

I want to see the Money. First time.

[A]

T.J. miller is our guest.

[B]

Play with it for 50 bucks.

[A]

T.J. he's wearing shoes that look like Two Face from Batman.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know if the camera can see that they are split down the middle, balance.

[B]

How do you say that? I know What? I know, I've seen that brand.

[A]

But on one side they're kind of camel, on the other side they're balance. They're cool.

[E]

Balenciaga.

[B]

Balenciaga.

[E]

As my wife would say. Balenciaga.

[C]

Oh, she gets

[D]

French.

[E]

Embarrassing. Yeah.

[A]

Where's she from?

[E]

She speaks. She's from Michigan. She's.

[A]

Oh, she must be from the northern part, near Quebec.

[E]

Yeah, she's a. You from the Upper Peninsula? No, no, she's.

[B]

So you are hitting all his hot buttons. He loves Michigan, he loves skiing.

[A]

Love Yooper.

[E]

All of it. Yeah.

[B]

The.

[E]

The Up. I've performed in Nagani, Michigan. Up in the Up. It's pretty. That's a very special place.

[A]

Oh, it's great.

[C]

I love it.

[E]

No, I. I love it too. And I love Michiganders. Michigan women have a strong left hook in my experience.

[A]

I want to real say real quick, TJ is on the road. You're going to be a bunch of places where we be that we mentioned some of the shows you've got going this weekend. But down the road I see you're going to be in a. Virginia Beach. You're going to be in Bloomington, Minnesota. Yeah. You're going to be in Appleton, Wisconsin, which I love.

[D]

That's a great place.

[A]

April 30th, skyline. Yeah. A bunch of shows. You're going to be in West Des Moines coming up in early May.

[E]

Another one that I love. My best friends from West Des Moines.

[A]

And you'll be in Columbus, Ohio in June. You got a big. Do you have any idea how much you're working? This is unbelievable.

[E]

I try not to look.

[A]

Springfield, Missouri, coming up later in the fall. So T.J. miller is our guest. Why don't we run a couple news stories?

[D]

I thought we were gonna do history. It's a history to lesser time.

[A]

Okay, I guess I can do that. I have no idea what's happening.

[D]

Well, It's. Today is April 3rd.

[A]

Third. I had a.

[D]

Okay. Tom had a. He's discombobulated today, I must admit, TJ because he.

[A]

I did an airport run this morning, dropped my girls off.

[E]

Oh, really?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So luckily he didn't tell anybody.

[D]

Yeah, he's. He's all off kilter.

[A]

So you never have your tree ready.

[E]

3:30.

[B]

What are they flying ups?

[E]

What the hell?

[A]

Oh, the airport was packed at 4:30.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. All the employees were arriving.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

No, I. I don't know.

[B]

It's a busy time. Yeah. Right. Calling in.

[A]

Let's see now. Happy birthday. We'll do some birthdays.

[B]

Doris Day, See the. No that's dinosaur endorsement.

[A]

She was the one that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get Rock Hudson erect.

[C]

No, no, she. She gave it her all, though, didn't she?

[A]

Hot as she is, you know what?

[C]

Better off for her, we find out.

[A]

Okay, let's see.

[B]

She lived.

[A]

Born in 1924. Wow. Marlon Brando. Did you ever think he was hot? I mean, did you like that.

[D]

That Stella thing, maybe?

[B]

Say it again.

[D]

He was hot.

[B]

There's a great documentary out there about Val Kilmer, and he has this camera and Marlon Brando is. They're shooting Dr. Moreau, and Marlon Brando is in a hammock on a porch,

[A]

and he was very, very heavy, overweight.

[B]

And Val Kilmer walks up and has the camera, and there's Marlon Brando. And there it's quiet. And Marlon looks at him and goes, give me a shove. It's the greatest thing I've ever seen.

[C]

He wanted a little rocket.

[B]

Help me. Help me out, man. Yeah.

[A]

Happy birthday. Born in 1942. Wayne Newton, the singer of the Vegas.

[B]

This is the audience I've waited for all my life.

[D]

He does say that. I saw that in person.

[A]

Yep.

[D]

We waited two songs and we see Wayne.

[A]

Yeah, his. His face celebrating his 10th birthday. He's one of those guys that has had so much. Remember Kenny Rogers at the end? Didn't look like a different guy.

[D]

And his hair's so black, so dark.

[A]

Happy birthday. Alec Baldwin. Kind of controversial and a lot of bad things. David Hyde Pierce, 1959. The guy.

[D]

Frasier.

[A]

Niles on Frasier.

[E]

He's so funny.

[D]

So funny.

[A]

But he. He refused to appear when they did the reboot. Right? Am I getting that right?

[D]

Maybe. I don't know. I didn't watch the movie.

[E]

Yeah, I don't know that he refused, but. Yeah, he didn't come back for that.

[B]

Maybe he wanted to, you know, Maybe

[D]

he's retired and likes his privacy.

[B]

He wants to wet his beak. People are, you know, gotta play hardball.

[A]

The great Eddie Murphy, born in the state in 1961. Terrific. One of the great actors of all time. I don't know who this is. Kobe smulders, born in 82.

[B]

Oh, she's an actress. How I met your mother. Is that her?

[C]

Oh, I'm not sure.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[E]

Yeah, she's listening.

[A]

1998. Paris Jackson.

[D]

Yeah, that's Michael's daughter.

[A]

Her father's. Her father is a laboratory.

[B]

No, that's like blanket or something, right?

[D]

No, it's Paris, too.

[E]

Yeah, Paris. Paris and I follow each other on The Artist Formerly Known as Twitter. She's quite nice. And I actually was talking with her during whatever sort of reboot of scandal that was happening, and it was very interesting to kind of imagine, you know, imagine if your father was Michael. I mean, that would be.

[D]

Imagine.

[E]

Yeah, it's unimaginable, right? And she was just cool and she had. I don't know how she had gotten to this place, but she was very. Felt like very zen about all of it. It's like, you know, this is. Yeah. So I'm a fan now.

[A]

Are you old enough to remember TV guide?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

First.

[A]

First published in 1952. It's still out there. Yes. Really?

[B]

It's. Isn't it a bigger format? Looks like Sports Illustrated.

[E]

I love that Ace broke in. He's like. Yes, he's the TV guy still. Yeah.

[D]

That's all he does. Watch TV during the days.

[C]

Make love, too.

[D]

Oh, you do? Okay.

[A]

Do you?

[E]

While the TV's on? Yeah, there.

[B]

You gotta. You gotta move the aerial, right? No. If that joke dated, I.

[A]

Okay, I don't get TV Guide anymore.

[C]

CBS and Chill

[A]

tonight. Now, on that segue back, you mentioned that you had some frozen embryos.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

So is. Is there fatherhood in your future? Is that a thing or is that just something you're saying?

[E]

I think I like TVS and chill. Sorry. I'm slowly. If I have the TV on, I'm making love. I put a Turner classic Sound like a good 30s soundtrack in there. Yeah, we're gonna. You know, we're trying to figure out when to thaw the kids and get that whole thing done. I'm very excited at the prospect. And I always. I feel like you're ready to have kids. When every time you look at your wife or your partner and you say, God, you'd be such a good mother, you know, And I really feel that about my wife. She's really good at hand puppet. You know what I mean? Sock puppets, too. But she can do a lot of. And shadow puppets in my. In my act. I do a lot of finger puppetry.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah. That's a classic.

[A]

That's a couple classic moves.

[E]

It's like we could both get really drunk in college because we went to college together. We go home for a little bit of this.

[A]

Wake up, Wake up. You ever do the. The broomstick move when you're on the road by yourself? You know that one? The famous.

[B]

The old.

[A]

I.

[B]

Old.

[A]

I went to a butter Turner.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

I went to a show and they had a. You've probably experienced this actually. Yeah, I went to a comedy show and it was in a fairly big venue and they had a interpreter for the deaf on stage. Way. Stage left. And do you know what I'm talking about?

[B]

So far we've got. We know what a stage is.

[A]

I'm sorry, I'm trying to remember. Is that called American Sign? Okay, great.

[E]

I'm not gonna sit here and make fun of you. Not just because I'm only a guest, but I'm gonna say I often forget what the deaf interpretation interpreter is speaking. I thought it was Italian once.

[C]

Well, they talk a lot with their hands.

[E]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they do.

[A]

But it was.

[E]

They were.

[A]

They would. It was irresistible for the comedian to look over there and start harassing the interpreter and.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Ask if, hey, does this mean.

[E]

Yeah, you gotta find out. Well, yeah, Neil do. And then whenever I have an interpreter, it is. It's fun. I mean, it's just fun to kind of, you know, mess around and do all. But yeah, you kind of. You'll maybe do some suggestive terms and see what the ASL for that is. And then other times I would sort of go very slow and see what that looks like.

[A]

Now, Patty G. Use a lot of. Of guitar. Do a lot of great comedy. I've got a lot of great stand up. But also a lot of singing. If you have. If you ever had the deaf interpreter, when you do the singing, do they do the lyrics along with them? Yes. When I work the ships, it kind of threw me because they had a person on there full time and they tell you not to make any comments about it and I didn't know about it, so I got a little bit of trouble. You would do dirty stuff and see how they acted that out.

[E]

Yeah, you got to do it. I like going, I'll do the really slow stuff. But then I'd kind of have fun, you know, how quickly can you be able to see if I really want to talk like this and get rid of. I'm so excited to be here in West Des Moines, Iowa for the third time. And I love the corn here and I can. And you gotta. They're really going for it. But yeah, it's, you know, it's. It's part of the environment, you know.

[A]

I have a question. Do they do that on television when they do the disclaimers? Do they have the disclaimer fly by? I don't know, I've never seen that. Yeah, I'll have to start watching because now, if you watch the evening news

[D]

now the Disclaimers are usually at the

[A]

beginning, but every, every new national news show now.

[D]

Oh, I don't.

[A]

90% of the commercials are for pharmaceuticals. And I never can quite figure out what they're for because it's always the same scenario. It's people walking through a park with dogs and kites and everybody's happy. But they, and they always have the incredibly long disclaimers.

[D]

Well, that's what you're talking about.

[A]

Yeah, but it should be just look, the. If take this stuff, it could be bad. Check the Internet. Don't waste my time telling me right now. We're gonna continue in a matter of moments. We have our guest comedian, TJ Miller. He's on the road. We mentioned some of the spots he's going to be stopping. He's going to stick around here if, if he can stand us any longer.

[E]

I can definitely stand.

[A]

Okay, we appreciate that.

[E]

The disclaimer is if you listen to me on the radio, you may end up flying a kite.

[D]

All right.

[A]

Okay, good.

[D]

I like that.

[A]

We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios and this is the Bob and Tom Show.

[B]

More of the show is on the way.

[A]

You can find us on X at

[E]

Bob and Tom or you can email us at Bob and tom@bob&tom.com 5186.

[B]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. There's Christy Lee at the news desk.

[D]

Hi.

[B]

There's Pat Godwin. Hello.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

There's Josh Arnold. Hi, There's Ace Cosby. Hey, I'm Chick McGee at the orangeinsoles.com sports desk. Hello, Tom. We have a great guest in the studio.

[A]

Joining us in the studio, comedian, actor TJ Miller. Something interesting you said. Yeah, that's just true. Interesting to some. You met your wife in college.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Which I kind of like because it was not like you became a certain level of fame and then you met

[E]

someone and that is the luckiest thing. One of the luckiest things in my life. Yeah.

[A]

So she knows she's not going to hesitate to put you in your place. No, because she knew you.

[E]

No hesitation. She knew you back when this happens by reflex. Just goes right into putting me in my place. No, I think you're right. I mean, there are so many people that when you're famous and you meet someone, you're thinking, well, is it me or is the fame or the money? I mean, it's not the money. I have a serious. I'm in a lot of debt. Well, we talked about this beforehand. But you know, I, I lost $75,000 last year alone on carnival games. I travel with the carnival.

[B]

Yeah, you'd have to.

[E]

I do, I pay the penny on the plate. I think that, I think that that basketball is bigger than the who, but I, I just, the room is smaller and I, I play the BB guy, but the target is so small. But then again, the BBs are so small too. But I have, you know, and look, I win a lot. I have a warehouse that's filled with sort of large Pikachu plushies and all that stuff. But that girl who does the guess your weight thing, I mean, she just cannot lose. And I'll go, each time they move cities, I'll try and gain a bunch of weight or I'll cut weight and she just always gets within five pounds. It's a pretty tough thing. But no, she'll. The great thing about Kate is that, you know, when you've met somebody, you have that shared history. You're really, you have a great shorthand. So you kind of, you know, the two of you sort of speak the same language. I'll look at her, she'll look at me. We've already had an entire conversation about the person that we're around or the situation we're in. So that's always really fun. And she really knows who I am. You know, I think that's really important too because once you become famous, there is no way, especially if you're sort of your own entity or your own thing. There's always going to be, you know, there's controversy or people say this or that or, you know, they, they don't think, oh, he wasn't funny in this thing or that thing, or he said this. And she just knows who I am. So there's no moment where she's ever like, well, hey, she just, she's been there, she'll always be there. And so, yeah, it's very, very, it's very lucky. And it's just funny to. The only bad thing I did some of the finger puppetry earlier. The only bad thing is that sometimes we will click back into Kate and TJ college mode. And that's just not great when you're at our age that you just go and start partying like 22 year olds or something. And then also it's in places where we're not going to like the club with other kids in their 20s. So we're just at a jazz bar, we're just blotto, you know, dancing and the whole thing but it's really, really fun. And it's fun to be in New York because she always wanted to live there and I did too. And so the fact that we made it there was. It's really, really special. It is funny though, sometimes we'll be in our house and house, our apartment, our one bedroom apartment where both of the bathrooms are in the same room. And you know, we'll be walking around like it's a really nice place and she made it look beautiful. And we do. Sometimes we're like, we feel like we're still in college and somehow somebody gave us this apartment and we're just, we don't really know what we're doing. Somebody said, well, here's an adult life, all the trapping. And here you go. Like for three years, Kate thought that one of the light switches didn't work. It just wasn't functioning. And then one day I used it and turned off the light in the living room. And she's like, wait, what is, why did you just use. I go, well, turn off the light in the other room. She goes, I didn't know that. How long have you not known that? She goes, I guess three or four years now. I'm like, what? She's like, I told the, the house, we're like, you know, you just, that's broken. And then, and then we had a guy come over to look at our like exhaust hood over the oven. And he goes, you know, you have another light under here if you just don't have a light bulb in here. And we go, what? And he goes, well, you got a whole other light here. Do you ever put a light bulb in here? And we were like, yeah, of course we do. We just choose not to have that much light. We're kind of waiting for Easter Sunday. Let there be lights. And so that is kind of fun too, that we sometimes feel like, you know, college kids.

[A]

That's cool.

[E]

Especially when my mother in law puts me to work.

[A]

We're hanging out with comedian TJ Miller. We're gonna squeeze in some news from Christy Lee. We're morally obligated to do so. What have you got?

[D]

Well, Matt Gaetz is in the news. He's claiming military once briefed him on alien breeding program. Did you hear about this?

[C]

No.

[A]

This is the guy, this is the guy that he was what, a congressman

[D]

and he got former representative. Yes.

[B]

This has one of my favorite new term. I hadn't heard this term before. The hybrid. The hybrid alien human hybrid that they've

[D]

got evidently claims the military once briefed him on an alien breeding program involving humans when he was in office.

[C]

No kidding.

[D]

Yeah. During an appearance on The Benny Show, Mr. Gates said, quote, I had someone who was in a military uniform, worked for the United States army that was briefing me on the locations of hybrid breeding programs where captured aliens were breeding with humans to create some hybrid race that could engage in intergalactic communication.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

An actual uniform member of the United States army briefed me on that. This is a quote. According to Mr. Gates, there were six to 12 facilities involved in this scheme.

[A]

Is this like an April Fool's thing?

[D]

Do you think he conceded he did not verify the senior enlist service members claims. I have no idea.

[C]

Hmm. Did he give the. Did he say where any of the locations were?

[D]

He went on to claim the humans involved in the military program had been abducted from war zones.

[C]

Oh, sure, sure.

[D]

And caravans of migrants.

[C]

Right.

[D]

He also said members of his staff were present at the meeting with this senior enlisted service member.

[E]

I was briefed on the same thing by a man in a military uniform on College and 20th street here in. And.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

I just love the idea. Anyone can put on a military outfit and be like, listen, we're making human aliens.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

Wow. That's pretty wild.

[A]

That's wacky. Yeah.

[E]

I don't know that I would.

[A]

He had all kinds of issues. Didn't he go to jail?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

We don't want to talk about that.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. He had.

[B]

He liked to date.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

You know what, though? If this were true, wouldn't you tell the wackiest guy you. You met? That's true. Because that's very easily dismissed.

[E]

Right. Exactly.

[A]

Oh, I see your point.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

If you told someone who was rational and reasonable, people would believe them. Yeah, they might believe them.

[C]

Yeah. But somebody whose integrity is in question, you can go ahead and. Sure. Yeah.

[A]

You tell the town drunk.

[C]

Right.

[A]

He said there's aliens down at the end of the street.

[C]

Plausible deniability there.

[E]

What does he need?

[C]

That guy never tells the truth.

[A]

Very good.

[D]

Talking about breeding. We're not done. We have time for this. I'm a Midwestern girl. I can get a little.

[B]

She's grabbing a hold of the show.

[D]

Tom, new research suggests that men cannot smell when a woman is fertile based on what they term her vulvar. Vulvar? Odors.

[B]

Vulvar.

[D]

Yeah. It's a very unused medical term. But it is.

[C]

So even in a base microbiological way. We're not getting any of that.

[D]

Researchers sought to test the so called. I've never Heard it called this before. Leaky Q hypothesis. What with regard to the specific scent.

[A]

The notion they're wondering if she gives

[D]

off a scent, that she's actually fertile at this point.

[A]

Yeah. In other words, do they. Do men. In the world of evolution, they're trying to find. Did men know when to engage with their. The female because they were fertile. They're wondering if there's some scent that even though we don't, we're not aware of it. Oh, now it's time to have relations because we want to procreate.

[D]

Scientists did this experiment where they collected the odor samples from women in that region. 139 men were then tasked with sniffing the samples and rating them on attractiveness.

[B]

Hey, Josh. What are you. What are you doing this weekend? You.

[C]

I'm free, man.

[D]

What's going on?

[B]

I got some vulver samples at the house if you want to come over. Now, are they.

[A]

Are they. Are they called swatches or snatches?

[B]

They are called. I like snatches. I like that.

[E]

Very well.

[B]

Okay. Sorry.

[D]

They had to rate them on attractiveness, pleasantness, and intensity.

[A]

So these guys are just huffing.

[B]

Yeah. Pieces of cloth.

[C]

No kidding.

[D]

And results showed the men's ratings were not influenced by a woman's fertility status.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Isn't. I thought pheromones and all that. That was a scientific fact, right?

[A]

Well, not this.

[D]

I think pheromones attract. I don't think that really necessarily defines fertility. Does that make sense?

[E]

Yeah. They did a similar test on men to see if women. And it's. If you smell like Old Spice or anything, the man is fertile and ready to go.

[A]

Pretty much anything.

[E]

Any smell means this guy's ready to run.

[A]

I do like the word vulvar.

[D]

Yeah, we don't use that term very often. I had to look it up because I don't believe it.

[A]

It sounds like something from a sci fi movie. I come from Volvar.

[E]

Yeah, it does.

[A]

The Planet of Fish. I don't know.

[C]

Is leaky Q the letter Q or like cue.

[B]

Yeah, Today's letter is leaky Q. Yeah.

[D]

And by the way, we don't leak. That's kind of. Why did they call it leaky?

[C]

I don't know.

[D]

That's terrible.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Yeah, that is.

[D]

I know why. Because a man did it.

[B]

It.

[D]

That's exactly why.

[E]

And that's the end of the show.

[A]

Doesn't Volvo sound like one of JFK's old speeches with that accent?

[B]

Cuber and

[A]

tasty vulvars and not Cuber.

[C]

Mr. President, we asked you not to

[A]

Mention Cuber, let alone this is a proven false by the Bolivar of Marilyn Monroe. Tasty.

[B]

Okay, Go ahead, say it. Marilyn never bathe.

[A]

Okay, I know, Christy, I know you're very anxious to get out of here and you'll be leaving in your Hyundai.

[D]

Oh, I sure will. Thank you very much.

[B]

Feeling out, man.

[D]

I have a wonderful Hyundai. If I can find my scripture.

[A]

You don't need a script because you

[B]

really do have Tuesday, Wednesday, Sunday.

[D]

I actually am a car girl. In fact, somebody said to me, hey, did you see what TJ's driving? And I went out there and I go, it's an suv, but it's not a Hyundai. Which I love my Tucson hybrid because it is a wonderful vehicle. And also right now, if you want to boost that up a little bit, the Santa Fe is even a little bit, I would say more off road than the Tucson hybrid. But the Santa Fe hybrid, with the power, it navigates the toughest terrain. And you will love either of them. You can't go wrong with a Hyundai suv.

[A]

We determined Santa Fe as in iron on the periodic table and Santa as in claws.

[D]

That's the saint of iron.

[A]

That's why on the Santa Fe, there's a hood ornament that looks like an iron Santa.

[C]

So it's the iron claws.

[A]

Doesn't the iron claws out of World War II?

[B]

It's a wrestling movie. Yeah, it is.

[D]

Now listen to these crazy guys. Tucson hybrid, Santa Fe hybrid. You can't go wrong. There really are one. For vehicles, visit HyundaiUSA.com or call 562-314-4603 for all the details. That's Hyundai USA.com.

[A]

thank you very much, Christy. We have more fascinating things coming up in the world of news. Perhaps an update on what's going on with the Artemis 2. And I'm looking forward to a song from that man, Pat Godwin. And we'll talk. I think we have a little a few more minutes with TJ Miller. TJ's got a big tour out there. We'll link you up and you can find out where he's going to be as he goes around the country talking. I love the fact that every show you do is different. The fact that it's not just wrote same stuff. It's this is the moment, this is the room. Here's what's happening. This is how I feel. Let's have something that you're never going to experience again. This group's never going to be in the same place again together, much like we are when we come back we'll all be here. Somebody getting fired and we expect everyone out there listening to return. When we do, we'll be in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. And this will still be the Bob and Tom Show.

[B]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. There's Christy Lee at the news desk.

[E]

Hello.

[B]

Hey, there's Pat Godwin.

[A]

Hey, Chick.

[B]

Hey, there's Josh Arnold.

[C]

Hi there.

[B]

There's Ace Cosby.

[C]

Howdy.

[B]

I'm Chick McGee. Hello, Tom. A great guest this morning.

[A]

Hello, Chick McGee. Hello. We were talking inside radio stuff off the air here with our guest TJ Miller. Very fine head of hair, TJ Miller. Jay. That's very nice, guys.

[B]

He loves hair.

[D]

Yeah, because he has none. So he's very.

[A]

Have a little bit of hair. What are you blind? Look at that.

[B]

You do have some bread. You do have badass sideburns.

[E]

That's right.

[A]

I always wanted them. We were talking about, talking about voices and stuff and TJ Miller is a distinguished stand up comedian and one of the guys that has the, I think the artistry to do a different show every night. It's not just the same stuff over and over. So it's fun for him too. But also TJ has done some so called voiceover work which is fascinating. We just telling a story that sometimes people, they recognize, they don't know who you are, that they hear your voice to go, wait a minute. Yeah, I just think that's so funny. When I first went into radio, I was first doing commercials in Orlando, Florida and I walked into a bank and I was doing whatever and the lady goes, wait a minute. You're the guy from the Maisonnet Jardin commercial.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[D]

The what?

[C]

Yeah, what the hell's that?

[A]

That was a fancy restaurant. You know me, I can pull off the.

[B]

And then she.

[A]

I can pull off the pretentious. Are you kidding?

[D]

You don't have to try.

[B]

Did she ask for an autograph and you said, well, of course, but my pen's out, my car. Would you care to come? Oh yes. And let me sign your autograph.

[E]

I can smell you vulvar.

[A]

If you're just, if you're just joining us, that was quite a clever callback. If you're not, you're wondering what the hell's wrong with that guy. Yeah. But it is funny because you do do voiceover with your, your voiceover stuff because you do have a distinctive voice and you've done a bunch of cool stuff with that.

[E]

Yeah, I want to Jump back for a second and say, it is true. I improvise and I have a lot of respect for radio because lots of comedians will do. Yeah, exactly. What you said by. It's just wrote, memorize. You can see it online. So why do you. You can see it on their special. Why do you want to. But I try and improvise and make every show different. And I. I have a lot of respect for radio. Because you're all improvising as well, right? You have. You have cues, sometimes leaky, but you have cues that are. We're going to talk about this. We're going to. This a. Is gonna say this. It's. You know, but for the most part, you're just improvising. You're talking about what comes up. Somebody mentioned something. You're going to the next thing. And then I also pay attention a lot to voices. And I'm really fascinated by people's voices. And I do. I was in how to Train youn Dragon, Big Hero six. I was the star of the emoji movie. That's Christie's favorite film.

[A]

And.

[E]

And I'm. I was also in Gravity Falls, and I was on Family Guy and. And the how to Train youn Dragon series on Netflix. So a lot of voiceover throughout my life. This one kid at a comedy club, he said, you're the voice of a generation. I thought that was so. Really, really an amazing compliment. He was like, I heard your voice all throughout my childhood. You know, and so, yeah, I'll be in the airport with a mask on, glasses, hat, everything, trying to be incognito. And then I say, can I also have mayonnaise on the hamburger? Burger. I knew it was you. I thought so. I'm like, was it the mayonnaise? They're like, no, your voice. So people, they recognize my voice. And it's an interesting thing I was gonna ask all of you. You know, we'll hear our voices on a voice message or an audio message or something like that, or voicemail. And when you listen to your voice, do you think that it's particularly distinctive? I feel like it's in my head so much that I don't really. It doesn't seem that

[A]

everybody. If people. People, they come in here, we say, hey, you want to record something? And then they hear it. They go, I don't sound like that. You're hearing your voice. Your ears are right next to your big jaw. Not that your jaw is unusually big, although it is large. It acts like a bass speaker kind

[E]

of sometimes it's difficult to go through these bad, bad, badass sideburns.

[A]

That's what I find. Now, when you do the voiceover stuff, is it typically done in New York or Los Angeles or does it or wherever?

[E]

I actually, I did. Speaking of Indiana, I did a. I used to be the Mucinex booger. Oh, jealous Christy. And so for years I did that, and that was pretty funny. But I met. I met. I make a hot sauce. I make hot sauces and peanut butter. I have my own line of hot sauce and my own line of peanut butter, all available on my website. TJ Miller does not have a website dot com, and I don't, but I do. And I met my hot sauce collaborator. He since passed. Doug Lynz was his name. Brilliant. Brilliant. He's a brilliant musician, but also brilliant, almost mad scientist in the hot sauce laboratory. And I met him in Indiana. I was visiting my mother in law, Hermione. Hermione, as much to be said. But I was there and they called me and said, we need you to record a Mucinex commercial. I said, well, I'm in the middle of Indiana. They go, we'll find a place. They called me right back. I go to a barn. I go down the street, they send a car for me. I go to a barn. I go, what is going on here? This guy had a recording studio in his barn where he did local commercials, he did albums of local bands, whatever went in, did the commercials, came out. And he said, that was really funny. I go, oh, thanks. He's like, no, I mean, that was really funny. And I go, oh, thank you. He's like, those things aren't usually funny. But I mean, that was really funny. And I go, oh, thank you. Thank you so much. He goes, you want to see my pepper patch? And I had never had a man ask me that before.

[A]

Who knows what he meant?

[E]

I'm a progressive guy, you know what I mean? And so he showed me all of his peppers that I make hot sauce. We became friends, sent me a couple of, you know, test batches. And then one day he said, would you like to collaborate on hot sauce? I thought that would be great because I love hot sauce. And so my line has Chipotle smoke, which is delicious. And then I have one called Extreme Gangster Heat. And then one that I can't see on terrestrial radio. I'll just bleep myself out. It's intense ghost pepper type. Oh, yeah. And it's. That's for the Pepperettes. That's really, really good. But I also have a Peanut butter, which is. I have dark chocolate, coconut. That's for the ladies. And then I have cherry chocolate with real dried cherries, milk chocolate, and honey roasted peanuts. And then my favorite is toffee crispy with toffee, milk chocolate, and Rice Krispies.

[D]

Oh, my gosh.

[C]

Oh, nice.

[E]

These are all available on TJ millerdoesnothavewebsite.com and I'll send you. I sent you guys some hot sauce, but my peanut butter girl is having a tough time with shipping. She's new, so I'm gonna get you guys some peanut butter at some point.

[A]

But it's pretty cool having someone you can say is my peanut butter girl. I know, right? Doesn't that sound like a great song when you were a kid?

[E]

She's my.

[A]

It sounds like Gary Lewis and the Playboys, their new song, She's My Peanut Butter Girl.

[D]

Have you ever heard of them?

[E]

No. I heard of Huey Lewis and the Peanut Butter Girls.

[A]

Gary, this diamond ring. You've never heard that song?

[E]

I mean, I'm gonna be listening to it on the way

[A]

by Leon Russell.

[E]

But I have one other story about my voice. I was at a cvs and I was on the phone with my wife, and we were having. Not an argument, a heated discussion.

[C]

Ah, yes.

[E]

And that she was winning, apparently. And so we're talking. No, we were talking about this guy that she was working with, and I was cussing a bunch and saying, well, you know, he's just a mother. Like, just tell him to go himself and all that stuff. And. And this woman at the CVS kept sort of leaning into the aisle and looking at me, and then I would make eye contact with her. She run away. That is so bizarre. And I kept talking to Kate, kept talking to Kate, and the girl kept kind of leaning in. She went all the way to the other side of the aisle and kind of looked in. I made eye. Kind of. She runs away. You know, I'm going, what's going on with that woman? So then I get off the phone, I turn, she's right there in front of me. She goes, that was the strangest thing. I go, what? Because I was in the other aisle buying Mucinex and I heard the booger talking, and I thought it was one of those ads where you press the button and the booger talks to you, but I kept looking. I couldn't find the button. But it was you. It was you the whole time. You're the booger. She goes, that was the strangest thing.

[B]

She walked away.

[E]

I never saw her Again. But I kept thinking the way I was talking about this guy with Kate, she just heard me being like, well, tell him to go himself. It's just some, you know, and. And so she must have thought, wow, Mucinex is taking a real left turn with their, their advertising campaign. Really going in hard on nyquil.

[A]

TJ Miller is our guest. The former booger of, of Mucinex fame and a guy that does some voiceovers and some acting. And he's got a new special floating around out there among many others. It's called philosophy circus on YouTube. I just. While you were talking, I clicked over and found your. I just googled TJ Miller hot sauce and it took me there. Boom. Got a bunch of stuff.

[E]

It's delicious. The peanut butter is great too.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

And I'm coming to Des Moines, you mentioned, which I love them because they have. Their slogan is Heck yeah. I mean, how much more Iowan to be to not even say the word hell. They just are all in on heck yeah. And then I was in. I've been going to Springfield again. I love Springfield, Missouri. And my favorite thing to talk about with them is at one point during the pandemic, this is true. They were the epicenter of the coronavirus pandemic worldwide. They were the f. There was the most amount of cases per capita worldwide. And I just think that's so funny that in India, where they don't have out plumbing, indoor plumbing, anything, they were out there going, at least we're not Springfield. I love it there. They're so fun.

[C]

I agree.

[A]

More. TJ Miller, once again, check out TJ's website. I know you have to go. I'm getting the signal. But it's always a great pleasure.

[E]

Yeah, I'm excited to perform here in Indianapolis, but you guys touch so many different places all over this great country. But yeah, everybody can see me live. My dates are on. TJ Miller does not have a website dot com. I have a really fun podcast called Cashing in with TJ Miller. My friend Cash Levy, a brilliant comedian, has an interview show, but he has a tough time getting guests. So I've been the only guest on the show for seven years. Check that out. And yeah, you know, Tom, you mentioned the specials. I'm having so much fun just doing stand up, putting clips out there. And I have a bunch of special. I have one special on my channel that's called the Spokane special. It's a 45 minute special. It's just about Spokane, Washington.

[D]

Love that special.

[E]

I riffed 45 minutes just on Spokane, Washington. So if you watch it, you won't get get any of the references unless you live in Spokane or from Spokane. And it's a blast. So I like all the stand up that I've been able to do and put online. But like you were mentioning, also, come and see me live. Not just me, go and see live comedy. There's nothing better than being in a room full of strangers, laughing, forgetting what's going on in your life, all the tough stuff that's happening around you, just letting it go for an hour and a half is the best thing you can do for your heart, for your soul, for your relationships, for anything. So I really encourage people see me live, you know, wherever I'm going. But just go see live comedy because it's really the best. It's so funny. It is the best medicine. It's the absolute antidote to everything that's going on. The only thing better is watching and listening to the Bob and Tom show

[A]

him on the way out. I have a great idea for a bit. Oh, go do your entire Spokane honk in a different city where they get none of the references.

[D]

River through my town.

[A]

There's no river here.

[E]

I did in Springfield, Missouri. They didn't notice.

[A]

It really bombed. Tj thank you. I got to do a quick thing here.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Speaking of voiceovers, I hate going to the mailboxes. You know, I don't get mail in my house. But the reason everybody hates going to the mailbox, I think, is because there are bills there. If you've got a credit card bill and you're trying to pay off a huge amount of interest because you haven't been paying the whole balance, they can charge you more than 20%. And that's what starts to happen. So you go, wait a minute. I got to get out from under this debt. One of the things you can do if you own your own house, your home is probably worth a lot more than it was three, four years ago because of just the nature of the housing market in America right now. Now you can go to American Financing and they can do a refi. They sent me some numbers. Their average customer right now saving about 800 bucks a month. And they've also been able to take that when they do the refi, they can take some cash out and pay off those credit card bills. So this sounds like a pretty good idea. American Financing. You'll find them@American Financing.net NMLS 182334 NMLSConsumeraccess.org APR for rates in the five start at 6.196% for well qualified borrowers. Call 866-889-2611. For details about costs and terms, visit American Financing.net BobandTom Got a comment? To share, text us at 888-262-8661. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[B]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts studios. Think O'Reilly Auto Parts. For all your car care needs. Get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people. People at O'Reilly Auto Parts. There's Christy Lee.

[D]

Hi. Oh, I squeaked. Sorry.

[B]

She's at the news desk. There's Pat Godwin.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

Looking up a song. There's Josh Arnold.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

There's Ace Cosby.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

I'm Chick McGee at the orange and souls.com sports desk. And here's Tom.

[A]

Christy and I were talking off the air about something. I was kind of shocked. It looks like it's called gruns G

[D]

R U N S. And then there's a little umlaut over the. Ooh. So you. So it's.

[B]

Oh, it's probably like grin, grin. I bet it's grinning. Grins.

[D]

Groons, grins.

[A]

Because gruns was what we used to call our underwear. You got your gruns on.

[D]

Seriously?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What?

[D]

Wow.

[B]

Did you grow up in Holland?

[A]

What are you talking. No, I, that's. It was. Maybe that was a, I don't know, Midwestern thing.

[B]

Midwesterners, they come. I never heard of.

[A]

Maybe an isolated part of the Midwest,

[B]

maybe an elitist part in the Northeast. Ohio.

[A]

I would hope so.

[D]

Would you like to try these? Maybe they taste like your underwear. I don't know.

[A]

Oh, I have never tasted my own underwear. Now I'll tell you, Josh's underwear, particularly with this diverticulitis. Quite tangy.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. There's going to be a bit of a bite to them.

[A]

Yes, it makes a nice sun tea.

[B]

You know, they, I, I wasn't really into the show until they started doing the diverticulitis humor and then way on board.

[A]

Okay, here's an idea. What, what if we all wore a one?

[B]

You know what this reminds me of? Let's introduce people by height. Exact one. His ideas.

[A]

Here we go. We all agree to wear the same pair of underwear for a week.

[D]

No.

[A]

At the end of that week, we give them to a disinterested third party and they will, they will create a series of they called swatches. Swaths. What do you call it? A little bit of Fabric.

[D]

A swatch.

[B]

Swatch.

[A]

Is it a swatch?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

And then we'll do a blind test and see who can tell by taking a whiff whose underwear it is.

[C]

So we all have to wear the same kind of underwear?

[A]

Yes. So we would each. We would be.

[B]

I would guess we all wear different brand underwear.

[E]

I would think.

[A]

But you'd only be. You see, you'd be handed a blind test. You'd go into a booth and they would hand you. I wouldn't know it, but it would be Pat's underwrite after Smell and Go. Is this Pat or Christy?

[D]

Oh, stop. This is ridiculous.

[B]

Just when I think, you know, he can't come up with any worse idea, here he is.

[C]

Whoever.

[A]

Whoever got the most would get a thousand dollars.

[D]

No. Not worth a thousand dollars.

[A]

No, keep going. I think we get.

[B]

That's in. You haven't hit his price point yet, but you're close.

[A]

We get up to three grand. I think it's be worth it. That'd be a great.

[B]

No, it wouldn't be a great anything.

[A]

That'd be a great nightclub trick.

[D]

What?

[A]

All right, I'm going to ask ten of you to leave the room and give your underwear to my attendants. And then they would come back and you would do a blindfold and see if they could match the underwear with the person based on the story.

[D]

No, we were going to do a song from Pat.

[B]

Hey, did you know that TJ Miller here on the Bob and Tom show, brought to you by Lee's Famous Recipe Chicken.

[A]

Oh, now we're talking.

[B]

Smells famous for a reason. Lee's Famous Recipe. Yum, yum, yum.

[A]

And thanks again to Lee's Famous Recipe Chicken for helping us out with our big broadcast last week from Cincinnati. That was a blast, by the way.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

This is my last chance to tell you. We still got those charity T shirts for sale at our Pop up store. The Pop up shop [e-mail] through this weekend. Yeah, get a chance this weekend. Check it out. There's some cool stuff there. Pat, are we gonna. Are we gonna kind of do a little closer song here? Little Wayne Newton tribute. It's his birthday today, so I think we should do a little song.

[D]

I would love that.

[A]

Well, I heard a girl sing Donkey Shane. I tell you, I was blown away. I saw the song sung on TV and it was a dude.

[E]

Yeah,

[A]

well, he's a Vegas act. Plays trumpet and sacks and dyes his hair a dreadful black and I'd work done on his face Looks like a mutant

[E]

Way

[A]

a Horn. He's tootin.

[C]

Wayne.

[E]

Happy birthday, Wayne.

[A]

That's for you, Wayne.

[D]

That's lovely.

[A]

That is so nice. Thank you very much. Have we covered everything in the news?

[D]

No. How about this one? Indian forest officials are investigating a Russian photographer after she painted an elephant bright pink for a photo shoot.

[A]

That's right.

[D]

Animal rights activists accused Ms. Julia Burleva of animal cruelty after images surfaced of the 65 year old elephant named Shanshal being ridden by a woman also painted pink at an abandoned Hindu temple. Ms. Burlava told the Independent the shoot occurred last November and that the paint was non toxic, natural and applied for only a short time. The elephant's owner, Shadiq Khan, told her that the elephant died in February of old age.

[A]

That's kind of sweet, no?

[B]

Now isn't that sweet?

[A]

10 minutes of not gonna hurt the elephant.

[B]

No, isn't that.

[D]

We don't know that.

[B]

Goldfinger died. She suffocated. She was painted gold.

[A]

Oh, that's a famous urban legend. Yeah, that. You have to leave a little patch in the back or the paint will kill you.

[B]

You gotta let your butt breathe.

[A]

Yeah, the elephant's fine.

[D]

No, the elephant's dead.

[B]

Elephant's dead.

[D]

Did you not hear me say that?

[B]

You can't change the news story.

[A]

That is completely irrelevant.

[B]

Irrelevant?

[A]

Irrelevant to the story. That elephant get in my pajamas? No, I mean, that's not what killed the elephant.

[D]

Well, it was 65.

[A]

I have a question though. When they say it was only on for 10 minutes, obviously it must have taken them hours to paint the elephant.

[D]

Where did you get 10 minutes? It's not in the story. Did you just make that up?

[B]

It's amazing that you.

[A]

You insist on dealing.

[B]

You know, schizophrenia is coming from your own mind. And you.

[D]

I said, why would you paint.

[C]

Take the time to paint an entire elephant and then just after 10 minutes, go. All right, get that off.

[D]

Yeah, they're not gonna do that.

[A]

They probably just hosed it down. Are there pictures of this pink elephant?

[D]

Oh, boy.

[C]

It's even pinker than I thought it would be.

[D]

That's fuchsia.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

No wonder the thing died.

[A]

Okay, that thing looks like it's.

[D]

That's awful.

[B]

Holy hell.

[A]

Is she nude or not?

[D]

No, no, she's not nude. That is awful.

[A]

Dumb picture. Then she should be naked.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

How did she get up there?

[B]

Practice. No, that's not.

[D]

The elephant will bend down.

[A]

Really?

[C]

That's exactly what happens.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

The elephant will put people up on its back with its trunk. You've seen that.

[D]

You've seen. You've been to the circus, for God's sake.

[B]

They help people up. They like having people ride them.

[A]

Do elephants know that they're kind of unattractive?

[D]

They're not unattractive.

[B]

They're beautiful and overweight.

[A]

That one looks quite slender. Right, Tom?

[D]

They are beautiful animals.

[A]

That is as pink as. I mean, that's crazy.

[B]

That's like electric pink.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Look at that thing. Oh, there you go.

[C]

See, it's miserable.

[B]

I don't think. I don't think you'd like the.

[D]

It's a girl elephant.

[B]

She looks like she might weigh over 120 pounds. I don't think.

[C]

Yeah, that's not for you.

[A]

And by the way, wouldn't it be possible to create that picture in 30 seconds with Photoshop and AI? Yeah. Rather than painting an elephant pink? I bet there were probably some local bystanders that said, I'm never gonna drink again.

[C]

That's it.

[A]

That's a big elephant.

[B]

I've.

[A]

It's over. I'm done. I've had too much. Thank you very much. Was that some kind of, like, gender reveal? No. When you see the elephant come around

[B]

the corner, is it pink or blue?

[A]

Yeah, that'd be.

[B]

Have you ever done that with a gender. Yeah, there's another reason. There's another reason to have another baby. So you can do a gender reveal party. Yeah.

[A]

And I've never known. I went to one of those one time.

[C]

Oh, really?

[A]

I. I have never. Wow. What the kid was going to be.

[D]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

And it's. It's always kind of cool when. And did you know in advance, Christy?

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I guess Josh is next up. I guess maybe. Want to have a kid? Yeah. Would you do a gender reveal? I don't know.

[D]

You and Josh are gonna have a kid. That's exciting.

[B]

We're looking into private right now.

[D]

All right.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'll explain how it works, Josh. I mean, you know, the procreation thing.

[C]

I still don't know what you're talking about.

[A]

You've got a cram.

[B]

Your.

[A]

Never mind.

[B]

At least you said cram.

[C]

You have a book or something?

[A]

I. I warned you four hours ago. This. This show is going to be derailed.

[D]

Thank God it's over.

[A]

Okay. Thank you. These are the O'Reilly Auto show of my life. These are the O'Reilly Auto Part Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[E]

Thanks for listening to the Bob and

[B]

Tom show this morning. The show is also out there for

[A]

you on our YouTube.

[B]

YouTube channel.

[E]

Watch and subscribe this is the Bob and Tom Show.

[A]

Hi, I'm Joe Salsihai, host of the Stacking Benjamins podcast.

[C]

Most economists agree small amount of inflation is actually good. 2% is what you're going for. So why is everybody freaking out?

[A]

Oh, because it's the fallout. People don't track their budget. You have this slow slipping that happens every month. So all of a sudden you go, man, I don't have any money. The reason is now two people go to a restaurant, the bill is 60 bucks for two. Two guys walk into a restaurant, they start screaming.

[C]

Isn't that hilarious?

[A]

$60 stacking Benjamins.

[B]

Follow and listen on your favorite platform.