The BOB & TOM Show - April 9, 2025

Summary

Summary of The BOB & TOM Show - April 9, 2025

Released on April 9, 2025

The April 9th episode of The BOB & TOM Show delivers a vibrant mix of comedy, engaging discussions, listener interactions, and insightful commentary, all characteristic of the show's beloved format. Hosted by Bob, Tom, Chick, Christy Lee, and Josh Arnold, the episode navigates through various entertaining segments, featuring special guest comedian Patrick Keane.

---

1. Opening Segment: The Dangers of Distracted Driving [00:02 - 01:29]

The show kicks off with Tom and Chick addressing the serious issue of distracted driving. They emphasize the risks associated with using phones while driving, urging listeners to either put their phones away or face potential consequences.

• Chick: "If so, you could be the next person to get into a fender bender... Enough already. Put the phone away or pay." [00:23]

---

2. Ad Break: Progressive Insurance [00:29 - 01:29]

A brief commercial segment promotes Progressive Insurance, highlighting their discounts and customer service excellence.

---

3. Introduction of Special Guest: Patrick Keane [01:29 - 05:34]

Bob and Tom welcome comedian Patrick Keane to the show. Patrick shares a humorous and chaotic story about a drunken escapade involving stealing a boat, which leads to sinking it and causing havoc in the local area.

• Patrick Keane: "I got drunk and stole this boat out of the Edgewater yacht club doing 90 miles an hour up to the bay. I sank her out by Buckeye Point." [02:20]

---

4. Cloning and CRISPR Discussion: Direwolves and Woolly Mammoths [05:34 - 14:59]

The hosts delve into a conversation about recent scientific advancements in cloning extinct species using CRISPR technology. They discuss the ethical implications and feasibility of bringing back creatures like direwolves and woolly mammoths.

• Chick: "They're trying to create a Dire Wolf, not Dire Straits... That's all that kind of Jurassic Park stuff." [07:35]
• Tom: "Colossal Biosciences edited 20 genes of gray wolves to have key features of dire wolves." [09:30]

Patrick adds his humorous take on the situation, referencing popular culture and expressing skepticism about the practicality of such scientific endeavors.

---

5. Listener Letters: Driving Mishaps and Personal Anecdotes [14:59 - 30:00]

The show features letters from listeners recounting various driving experiences and personal stories. These segments are filled with humor as the hosts and Patrick react to each tale.

• Josh: "I almost hit the guardrail when I was taking driver's ed." [19:02]
• Chick: "My head is on a swivel when I back up." [23:53]

---

6. Mother's Day Promotion: Stephen Singer Jewelers [30:00 - 34:24]

A promotional segment highlights Stephen Singer Jewelers' exclusive Mother's Day offerings, including 24-karat gold-dipped blue moon roses and custom diamond jewelry. The hosts encourage listeners to visit the provided website to take advantage of limited-time offers.

• Chick: "Just pull over, go to ihatestevensinger.com, grab a 24 karat gold dip blue moon rose for Mother's Day." [15:37]

---

7. Current Events and Humor: Urinal Designs and Hot Topics [34:24 - 55:00]

The hosts discuss a variety of current events, blending informative content with comedic insights. Topics include innovative urinal designs to reduce splashback and the peculiarities of modern-day societal behaviors.

• Tom: "A team of scientists has designed a splash-free urinal to prevent nearly 265,000 gallons of urine from splashing onto the floor each day." [52:07]
• Chick: "They invented a urinal that actually works." [52:14]

---

8. Comedy Segment with Patrick Keane: Personal Stories and Jokes [55:00 - 84:12]

Patrick Keane takes center stage with stand-up routines that touch on personal relationships, social dynamics, and everyday mishaps. His comedic style resonates well with the hosts, leading to laughter-filled exchanges.

• Patrick Keane: "Dear Ally, my girlfriend kisses her dog on the lips and then goes to kiss me without washing her face." [142:21]
• Chick: "He stole that mother clucker." [142:39]

---

9. Sexy Time with Ali Breen: Love Troubles and Advice [84:12 - 106:08]

A recurring segment titled "Sexy Time with Ali Breen" features Ali addressing listener letters about love and relationship issues. The hosts, along with Patrick, provide humorous and sometimes candid advice.

• Ali Breen: "My girlfriend loves that frickin' chicken and it threw me for a loop. I stole that mother clucker." [36:45]
• Josh: "Don't let your dog lick your face." [142:55]

---

10. Final Segments: Announcements and Closing Remarks [106:08 - 158:57]

The episode concludes with various announcements, including upcoming comedy tours featuring Patrick Keane and his fellow comedians. The hosts wrap up with light-hearted banter, listener interactions, and final promotional messages.

• Chick: "We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios, where you can get parts for your cars or trucks because they'll go faster than you." [76:07]
• Tom: "Remember to drink responsibly and have a great day ahead." [159:25]

---

Notable Quotes:

• Chick McGee: "You could be the next person to get into a fender bender... Enough already. Put the phone away or pay." [00:23]
• Patrick Keane: "I got drunk and stole this boat out of the Edgewater yacht club doing 90 miles an hour up to the bay. I sank her out by Buckeye Point." [02:20]
• Tom: "What are we going to do like... we have to be prepared." [08:55]
• Chick McGee: "They're holding direwolf puppies somewhere secretly. But when I heard about that, I thought of the song Direwolf from the Grateful Dead." [37:11]
• Ali Breen: "If I keep nagging him or do it for him, how do I get him to actually grow up? Shouldn't he be embarrassed?" [152:12]
• Patrick Keane: "Being a standup comedian, you have to like comics travel so much. We perform in every type of market, every demographic." [130:52]
• Chick McGee: "We won't be doing that anytime soon. I don't think we should do it." [29:48]
• Josh Arnold: "Death Grip syndrome can lead to sexual difficulties in men. It refers to repeatedly gripping your male member too tightly while pleasuring yourself too tightly." [48:34]

---

Concluding Thoughts:

This episode of The BOB & TOM Show masterfully weaves together humor, personal stories, and topical discussions, all while maintaining an engaging and entertaining atmosphere. Special guest Patrick Keane adds a dynamic layer to the show with his comedic storytelling, making this episode a memorable blend of laughs and light-hearted banter.

---

Disclaimer: All promotional content within the summary is based on the transcript provided and reflects advertisements and sponsorships featured during the episode.

Transcript

[Tom]

Are you someone who tries to drive.

[Chick]

While distracted by your phone?

[Tom]

Someone who props it on the steering.

[Chick]

Wheel or peeks down at it for a glance, or just scrolls and scrolls? If so, you could be the next.

[Tom]

Person to get into a fender bender.

[Chick]

Get a ticket, veer off the road, or even cause a crash that kills.

[Tom]

You or someone else. Enough already. Put the phone away or pay.

[Chick]

Paid for by NHTSA this episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers.

[Christy]

Who switch their car insurance to Progressive.

[Chick]

And save hundreds because Progressive offers discounts.

[Christy]

For paying in full, owning a home and more.

[Chick]

Plus, you can count on their great.

[Christy]

Customer service to help you when you need it. So your dollar goes a long way.

[Chick]

Visit progressive.com to see.

[Christy]

You could save on car insurance, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations.

[Josh]

It's the Bob and Tom Show.

[Chick]

You should have seen me last night when I I fell down laughing and.

[Patrick Keane]

I stumbled down a flight of metal stairs.

[Christy]

I went crashing through the window at.

[Patrick Keane]

The VFW hall Tumbled over a pile.

[Chick]

Of metal chairs Then I cussed out.

[Patrick Keane]

My girlfriend tried to feel up her.

[Chick]

Mom I wrecked my car I think I bruised my spine O ought to go with me when I go out drinking Always have myself a real good time. I got drunk and stole this boat out of the Edgewater yacht club doing.

[Patrick Keane]

90 miles an hour up to the bay.

[Chick]

I sank her out by Buckeye Point.

[Patrick Keane]

And walked on into town Tore up.

[Chick]

Someone'S flowers on my way Then I.

[Josh]

Barged into the cruise nest and I.

[Chick]

Threw up on the rush I slap.

[Josh]

That hostess on her bit behind oh.

[Chick]

You ought to go with me when I go out drinking Always have myself.

[Josh]

A real good time. I talk dirty to the waitress and.

[Chick]

I never ever leave her no tip I leave her all my roaches in the guacamole.

[Josh]

You wanna go with me when I go out drinking? Always have my good time.

[Chick]

So I'm going out tonight and I'm.

[Josh]

Going to tie on a good one. Does anybody here want to go out drinking with me?

[Chick]

Yeah. Well, I'll take you to this biker.

[Christy]

Bar where we can kick some ass.

[Chick]

At a gay bar.

[Josh]

We'll get our drinks for free.

[Patrick Keane]

We'll do shooters, a tequila and a.

[Chick]

Case of beer a piece. We'll wash it down with a gallon.

[Josh]

Of cheap island wine.

[Chick]

Oh, oh, I go with my wine. I go out drinking Always have myself.

[Josh]

A real good time.

[Chick]

I like to shout out loud and.

[Josh]

Moon the crowd when I'm dancing on.

[Chick]

The bar Then go out in the parking lot Piss on all the cars. Always have myself a real good time.

[Patrick Keane]

Oh, give me that wine.

[Chick]

Always have myself a real good time on food, Little.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah.

[Josh]

All right, let's see if we can get this thing off the ground. Hey. Good morning. Hello. It's the Bob and Tom show from the O'Reilly Auto Part Studios. Yes. I'm Chick McGee, vacationing in Cameroon in my brain. There's Christy Lee.

[Chick]

Hi.

[Josh]

At the SILAC Insurance news desk.

[Tom]

We missed you.

[Chick]

You know what they say about Cameroon this time of year?

[Tom]

What?

[Chick]

Doc.

[Josh]

It'S a little dicey.

[Chick]

Or is it.

[Christy]

Is it firefight season?

[Chick]

Dodgy.

[Josh]

It's dodgy. Hello, Pat Godwin.

[Chick]

Hey, Chick McGee.

[Josh]

Hi, there. Josh Arnold.

[Chick]

Hey, chicken.

[Josh]

I'm chick@the orangeinsouls.com sports desk. Good guest today. Patrick King. Good man.

[Tom]

I like Patrick.

[Josh]

Good man.

[Tom]

I don't believe I know where Cameroon is.

[Josh]

It's in the south of the Mallorcas.

[Chick]

Maldives.

[Josh]

They're a day behind.

[Chick]

Yeah, 16 hours just to get there. Cricket team is amazing.

[Josh]

Just get there. All right.

[Chick]

Okay, good. Thanks. You're welcome. Oh, thank you. Welcome to the program. Happy to be here. Got a lot going on. Of course. Chick is back.

[Josh]

Hi.

[Chick]

It's good to see you, sir.

[Josh]

How do you do?

[Chick]

We have a lot of great mail today.

[Josh]

A lot of celebration at the compound. Finally got to see Becoming Led Zeppelin on the tv. You know, I don't like the theaters anymore.

[Christy]

You and the girls rocked out.

[Josh]

Oh, yeah. Good.

[Chick]

Good.

[Josh]

Little documentary.

[Chick]

Cool.

[Josh]

But if they ever do a documentary about us, about the Bob and Tom show, the key is to have us produce it and put it all together. Because none of the. None of the star. None of the stories about, you know, sharks and women and TVs out. Out of hotel skyscrapers and. Yeah, but it's. It's really. It's. It's really a for what you get, and I'm a big Zeppelin fan, so. For what you get, you a couple of John Bonham interviews that the other three had not seen. And they listened to him talking about that.

[Chick]

That's. I've heard. That's the best part. I'll have to check it. I'm watching the. The. What is it? The Fox Hollow Murders.

[Tom]

Oh, yeah, the Fox Hollow Murders.

[Chick]

That is. Have you seen that?

[Josh]

I don't know what you're talking about. Tell me.

[Chick]

Oh, they.

[Josh]

This fox goes nuts in a hollow. Is that. Is that what happened?

[Chick]

No. Someone. No, It's There. Put it this way.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Chick]

There's a repository of. Of shards of human bones, more than 10,000 of them found in a suburb of a major American city in Fox.

[Tom]

Hollow, I'm guessing really near where you may live.

[Chick]

It's not too far from where you live.

[Josh]

No kidding.

[Chick]

And they've identified what, nine of them, so it's really horrifying.

[Josh]

Well, I'm gonna have to take a look at that.

[Chick]

Yeah. And a friend of ours knows quite a bit about it and is actually doing another documentary. But yeah, it's a. Interesting story.

[Josh]

I will check that out.

[Chick]

Serial killer things. I think maybe the Led Zeppelin was probably a little more fun.

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think it was. Yeah. They. How smart Jimmy Page was initially and signing all the contracts and keeping the record executives away from the studio. And he was really worried about singles and he didn't want anything on the radio. He wanted the album to be played in its entirety. And that's when FM radio was coming in and they were playing album sides and.

[Chick]

Well, speaking of albums and that's.

[Josh]

Yeah, let's play an album side.

[Chick]

Oh yeah. Go back to sleep. Sure. Yesterday in the show we had a story from the world of science and I noticed it was all over the news yesterday.

[Tom]

Yes, it was.

[Chick]

And I was, I'm. I am on the fence about this stuff. I don't think it's a very good idea. We've talked about it before. We had a story about a month ago about the woolly mice. Do you remember this? They are cute scientists.

[Josh]

They're cute mice.

[Chick]

Yeah. And this involves something called CRISPR and gene splicing. It's very complicated science. And I know one of the. I think one of the ladies that developed a lot of this is very much opposed to what they're doing, which is this billionaire in Texas and some Harvard professor are trying to clone various critters. I think the goal is to get a woolly mammoth like combination elephant.

[Josh]

So once they get the woolly mammoths reproduced, what do we do then? We're up to our necks and woolly mammoths.

[Tom]

What are we going to do like.

[Josh]

In Colombia with the hippos or whatever the hell they're.

[Chick]

I think technically it's not really going to be a woolly mammoth. It'll be part whatever contemporary elephant genes. I don't know. This is way beyond my ability to understand. But if you saw the thing yesterday, it was about the so called dire wolf.

[Tom]

Yes. A company called colossal biosciences edited 20 genes of gray wolves to have key Features of dire wolves created embryos from the edited gray wolf cells, implanted them in surrogate dog mothers, resulting wolves, three healthy wolves that have some traits of dire wolves.

[Chick]

They're white wolves.

[Tom]

They've been extinct for 13,000 years.

[Josh]

Now, as I understand it, my background in education, as far as dire wolves go, is from Game of Thrones. All the kids. All the kids had their own direwolf puppies, and they all grew up.

[Chick]

And a dire wolf was larger than a. Like a gray wolf.

[Josh]

According.

[Tom]

25.

[Josh]

Once again, according to my research, the documentary Game of Thrones, these direwolves were gigantic.

[Chick]

And I did not watch that. But I. I brought this up.

[Josh]

Well, you got to be informed, Tom.

[Chick]

I assumed. I assumed that it came from a Grateful Dead song called Dire Wolf and Is that right? I'm gonna play a little bit of it for you. This was the phase where Jerry was playing with New Riders of the Purple Sage. He was doing a little bit of a pedestal.

[Josh]

And you know how I like pedal steel.

[Tom]

Oh, you'll love this.

[Chick]

This is full of pedestal.

[Josh]

When used, pedal steel reminds me of my mother.

[Chick]

Oh, I love a great pedal steel.

[Josh]

That country music.

[Chick]

Commander Cody and the Lost Planet Airmen. That great pedal steel. I'll play just a little bit of this for you guys.

[Josh]

Hot Rod Lincoln.

[Chick]

This is a. This is an early classic from the Grateful.

[Josh]

Okay, if you say so.

[Chick]

I'm just gonna play a snippet for you.

[Christy]

Here we go.

[Chick]

Okay. Wow, that hit me hard.

[Tom]

Have you ever heard this?

[Chick]

No. Wait till we get the hook here. Hang.

[Josh]

Never heard it.

[Chick]

Don't murder me.

[Tom]

He was absolutely pissed.

[Christy]

Yeah. He couldn't believe none of us.

[Tom]

None of us never heard of.

[Josh]

Had this memorized.

[Chick]

Okay, well, it's from.

[Josh]

Now he's rolling his eyes because I haven't heard it. Honey, I'm sorry.

[Chick]

Okay. It's from one of their classic albums. He thought you would know. I thought maybe you'd know.

[Josh]

I've never really cared for the dad. That. And then they tried to sneak one in on me. They tried to get John Mayer there. John Mayer's in the band? And they think, oh, well, this will get chicken. This will get chick to like us.

[Chick]

Yeah. There's actually a couple of contemporary spins on this. Jerry Garcia opened with the song Direwolf July 2, 1995, at the famous Deer Creek show.

[Christy]

Oh, I'm sorry. Let me get my journal.

[Josh]

Let me.

[Christy]

I gotta write this down.

[Chick]

I gotta get a pen.

[Tom]

Is that from our friend Steve?

[Chick]

No.

[Josh]

Are you kidding me with this?

[Chick]

This? I'm. You're gonna wait. I'm gonna bring this around today.

[Josh]

All right?

[Chick]

Okay, Just a second.

[Josh]

All right.

[Chick]

Jessica from Beaver Creek writes, I got your back, Tom Direwolf. Always one of my favorite dead songs. I'm 40 years old and I'm not high. I am on my way to work. Well, thank you, Jessica. I appreciate that.

[Tom]

Now.

[Josh]

Now bring it around right now.

[Chick]

What do you got? This says. And this is from Jonathan. I was lucky enough to see the song performed live. Now, here we go. This is. This is the one, dear Tom writes. Joe.

[Josh]

Huh?

[Chick]

Thank you very much for playing a snippet of the Grateful Dead song Dire Wolf, speaking as one of 60,000 deadheads who will be at the Sphere in Las Vegas this weekend for Dead and Company.

[Christy]

That's gonna smell.

[Chick]

It says TS I'll read this exactly as written.

[Tom]

Okay.

[Chick]

Christy and Josh can eat a bag of turds.

[Tom]

Well, I don't care. I'm not.

[Christy]

Yeah. Why? Just because I'd never heard this song. I never heard.

[Chick]

They're very polite turns with you.

[Josh]

The Deadheads are very passionate.

[Christy]

Yeah, but I'm probably the second. I probably listen to the Dead. Second to Tom, probably.

[Chick]

Yeah, that was that.

[Christy]

I can eat a bag of turd.

[Chick]

There's also a famous clip.

[Christy]

Piece of crap.

[Josh]

Who do you think he is?

[Chick]

Joe, you have my apology.

[Christy]

What if that just haunted me for three weeks?

[Chick]

There's a famous clip of the what next week?

[Josh]

Hey, Josh, what's the matter? I can't get over this damn joke.

[Chick]

This is. This one's just for. For Chick. There's a clip of the Grateful Dead doing an acoustic version of this on the Tom Snyder Show. Oh, wow. Remember the show tomorrow with Tom?

[Patrick Keane]

Love.

[Josh]

Love. He was so.

[Christy]

Now, you guys. You would always get kind of intense.

[Josh]

I've never seen anyone seem so informed and so out of. Wait a minute. Hold it. Hang on a second.

[Chick]

It was very interesting that. That. That show. I know that Letterman was a big fan of Tom Snyder.

[Christy]

Ackroyd did a good job that.

[Chick]

Those early Ackroyd parody were hilarious.

[Josh]

If you ever get. Go to YouTube and look up Kiss the Night. They were on Tom Snyder. And they're all sitting there in makeup, all four of them. And Tom Snyder's up. Now. Let me. Let me ask you all. They're sitting there in their chairs in full makeup. It's the craziest thing you've ever seen.

[Chick]

And he didn't have an audience most of the time. So he'd be talking to the crew. Yeah, exactly. The camera guy or something. Hey, wait. What do you think about that, Ed? Okay, good.

[Christy]

Right?

[Chick]

Am I right by that, am I right?

[Josh]

Did you see Morty? Did you see this?

[Chick]

And he used to wore leisure suits. Just completely unhip but weird.

[Josh]

A weird comb over he did with his hair.

[Chick]

Yeah. But anyways, dire wolf fans, there you go. And by the way, in the. In terms of the science of recreating these old animals. Terrible idea.

[Christy]

Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and knock that off, guys.

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Christy]

They are cute, though. Did you see the puppies?

[Tom]

Oh, they're so cute.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Oh, sure, that's. Yeah, show her. But I'm sure that if you had a little, little baby T. Rex, it'd be kind of cute.

[Josh]

We spent so much time asking if, could we do this? We said, didn't ask. Should we do this?

[Chick]

We go. You get teen T. Rex and he bites your head off.

[Josh]

So we're going to be able to armpits in woolly mammoths and direwolves here within five years.

[Chick]

They're currently the three direwolf pups. They're being held in a secret location. Oh, I'm not kidding. I'm not making. And so it'll be interesting to see what happens when we get the headline. Direwolf escapes raping St. Bernard somewhere.

[Josh]

Look it up. Winter's coming. Game of Thrones.

[Chick]

All right, now I want to talk about my buddy, Stephen Singer. He knows what's happening. He's got a calendar. It's Mother's Day just around the corner.

[Josh]

He likes the Grateful dad.

[Chick]

Ergo, Limited Edition 24 Karat Gold Dip blue moon rose for Mother's Day. Moms are collecting these things. And you've got lots of moms out there. Your sister's a mother. She's a mother. She's a mother. She's a mother. You can skip flowers that die in a week and check out the limited edition 24 karat gold dipped blue moon rose for Mother's Day. There's always bracelets, there's always necklaces. You can't go wrong, fellas. And of course, Stephen Singer is the guy that is all about diamonds. Real earthborn diamonds. By the way, famous for his guarantee. Like everything else, these roses have a full lifetime guarantee. It's in a beautiful gift box. Personalized card for your mom. Shipping, of course, is free. Steven Singer Jewelers. How do you find them? I hate stevensinger.com. it's that simple. These will not be restocked. I've already been warned. They're going to run out of them. So you might want to get this done. Now it's real easy. Just pull over, go to ihatestevensinger.com, grab a 24 karat gold dip blue moon rose for Mother's Day. We don't have ours yet, do we?

[Tom]

Not yet.

[Chick]

Yeah, we got to get one in the studio. Every occasion, Stephen pays attention and has a special edition rose for that occasion. But again, these are going to run out. So I hate stephensinger.com Like I said, you can't go wrong with earrings, bracelets, necklaces, et cetera, et cetera from Stephen Singer. And tell them the Bob and Tom show sent you. Coming up, we have your letters, more letters on lots of different exciting topics. We have a gigantic bit of chocolate in the news, of course, and there's nothing wrong with that. With Easter just around the corner, we've got a song from Mr. Pat Godwin. Got a new one. I think you can play that for Chick. I really looking forward to it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all coming up. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios and this is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Tom]

Are you someone who tries to drive.

[Chick]

While distracted by your phone?

[Tom]

Someone who props it on the steering.

[Chick]

Wheel or peeks down at it for a glance or just scrolls and scrolls? If so, you could be the next.

[Tom]

Person to get into a fender bender.

[Chick]

Get a ticket, veer off the road or even cause a crash that kills.

[Tom]

You or someone else. Enough already. Put the phone away or pay.

[Chick]

Paid for by nhtsa.

[Josh]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Top Show. There's Christy Lee and Josh Arnold. Pat Godwin guest Patrick Keane coming in today. He's one of them comedians. I'm Chick. Hello, Tom. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios.

[Chick]

We are indeed. We've been getting a lot of letters about driver's Ed, and I found this news story out of Maryland. This involves a driving lesson in Maryland. It ended up with, well, I'll just read it here. The car jumped a curb, crashed through a fence and drove into the North Creek Community center pool, closed for the season. Montgomery County Fire and Rescue spokesman Pete Perringer told the Washington Post. Neither the driver nor passenger were injured in the crash. The occupants, a man and a woman in their 50s. It's not clear who was behind the wheel. They were. Apparently, one was giving the other a driving lesson. They were able to exit the vehicle before the rescuers arrived. I don't know if they were able to get the car started.

[Josh]

I, I almost hit the guardrail when I was taking driver's ed I've told. I think I told this story. My defensive coordinator, Art Jones, he's since passed. Wonderful man. He's the one who had the stick that it hit me in the head with when I would sass him.

[Chick]

So you deserved it.

[Josh]

In other words, I told him to f off and practice one.

[Christy]

Yeah, that'll get you hit in the head with this.

[Josh]

Yeah, I sure did. And he was. And I in. Well, now, yeah, I'm pretty much the exact same size I was in high school right now, and art Jones was 5, 5, 5, 6, oh, 130 pounds. And I was just learning how to be a smartass, which is dangerous area.

[Chick]

That's.

[Josh]

Yeah, he got right in my face, ripped my helmet off. What did you say? You did not say what I thought you said. I ran for days. There's a part still running.

[Christy]

And they say at night, you can still hear him running.

[Josh]

They say you can hear coach Jones yelling at me to this day. Yeah, he was a good man.

[Chick]

Sure he didn't kill you?

[Josh]

Oh, yeah, it was.

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Josh]

You know, we were a good team. I mean, my senior year, we were grateful.

[Chick]

Yeah, we know. But, I mean, you don't. In any event, I was sorry I.

[Josh]

Was treated like a star.

[Tom]

Yeah. I even knew that.

[Josh]

Oh, hell, yeah. Yeah, they don't want to piss me off. I carry the team's weight with me.

[Christy]

They made you sit in the bench.

[Josh]

That's right.

[Christy]

All right.

[Josh]

They can't have me on the bed.

[Christy]

Get McGee.

[Chick]

What was the show? Mythbusters.

[Tom]

Yep.

[Chick]

Where they drove the car into the pool. Remember that one?

[Tom]

And I did not see that one.

[Chick]

How do you get out of a car that's sinking? Oh, yeah, the window thing. It's interesting. There's a whole bunch of different things you got to do. Usually, a door will actually open. Really?

[Josh]

Like, automatically?

[Chick]

No, no, no. But I think you have to get. As I recall, you have to have a car filled with water first.

[Tom]

That's something you'll think about, right?

[Christy]

You have to rol.

[Chick]

Windows let the water in so the pressure.

[Josh]

You know, I know you, and I can see by the look on your face that you've looked at this problem extensively.

[Chick]

Yeah, but I should have. I got to re. Watch that episode.

[Tom]

Is this something that you're concerned about?

[Christy]

You could go in a canal.

[Chick]

You got to be prepared. Do you remember. What's the guy's name? A friend of the show? Comedian was. Went into a river in his car.

[Josh]

Wow.

[Christy]

Oh, no kidding.

[Tom]

Really?

[Josh]

That was the story you told me it was shallow. It Was my girlfriend. But I named her Booger because I picked her.

[Chick]

Yeah, that guy.

[Josh]

What is that guy's name? I forget his name. Anyway, he.

[Chick]

Yeah, yeah, he went into a river. He was driving along during a weather kind of like this in the Midwest.

[Josh]

If only. If only he'd perish.

[Chick]

He had to get out of a car that was sinking. Yeah. In any event, this Ronnie Bullard. That's it. It was Ronnie Bullard. The. This. In this case, the ironic. The car rounded by water. Talk about carpool. Other car went into a swimming pool and.

[Josh]

Are you old enough to remember when the Silver Bridge collapsed in Portsmouth? The West Virginia Silver Bridge, like a Christmas Eve. It's the backbone of all. It's the backbone of all the mothman prophecy.

[Tom]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Josh]

And the whole bridge collapsed and I don't know how many cars went in the water. There were many.

[Chick]

Just awful.

[Josh]

And I. That's where my. I don't like bridges. From that. Being a kid and seeing that and my mother kind of losing her mind, you know, that could happen to us.

[Chick]

I tell you that.

[Josh]

Mom, I'm watching cartoons. You wanna. You wanna get out in front of you. It could happen to us, baby.

[Chick]

All right. Bury your head in the side.

[Josh]

That's right.

[Chick]

Go ahead. Be unaware you're down at the bottom of that creek.

[Josh]

Don't tell me. Are you drowning?

[Chick]

It's gonna be dark down there too.

[Christy]

Oh, yeah. It'll be real cold.

[Josh]

Oh, darn.

[Christy]

Clip from the new Titanic. Or I guess I don't know how old the Titanic museum is.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Christy]

And I also don't know where it is.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Christy]

But these people, they have an exhibit where you can dunk your hand into the water and it's at the exact temperature that people had to be in. And people can barely keep their hands in it for five seconds. It's so cold. Oh, yeah.

[Chick]

So you're saying Jack wouldn't have been okay on the door?

[Christy]

I'm saying it makes sense that he perished. Yeah, yeah.

[Chick]

Good, good, good.

[Christy]

He sank the way he did.

[Chick]

If you're just joining us, hello. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Babaton program. And got another letter about driving. Okay, this is a really good. This comes to us from Keith in Huber Heights.

[Christy]

Baby, you can drive my car.

[Josh]

Huber Heights, the world's largest community of brick homes.

[Tom]

Right.

[Christy]

How about that?

[Josh]

That's actually a fact. Go ahead.

[Tom]

They have a big sign there.

[Josh]

They have a sign signifying that my.

[Chick]

Driving instructor from a private company made me drive in Reverse through a cemetery. She told me it would be an expensive mistake to run over a headstone. I will never forget that lesson to this day. My head is on a swivel when I back up.

[Tom]

I bet.

[Christy]

What now? I guess, you know, that is a good place to practice because there are.

[Chick]

Cemeteries that have winding roads. Go through. Wow.

[Josh]

The plots in the cemeteries closest to the road, are those less, I would think. Are those discounted, you think? Because they might. You know, I've often wondered that there might be a chance you get.

[Tom]

Do you pay extra to be under a tree?

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Yeah, right.

[Chick]

I think all these things are valid questions.

[Christy]

My dad is under a tree and we did not pay extra.

[Tom]

Really?

[Chick]

No kidding.

[Tom]

Okay.

[Josh]

You just lucked out on the plot.

[Christy]

Yes. Okay.

[Chick]

That's interesting. You picture for the view.

[Christy]

I think I was wondering that because my grandparents in the same cemetery. It's a military cemetery and my grandpa fought in World War II, so they.

[Josh]

Yeah, but he was on the Germans, Right?

[Christy]

We try not to talk about that.

[Chick]

Could you have less respect for anyone? Is that possible?

[Christy]

And my grandmother's Japanese, so it was a whole.

[Josh]

No, no. That's the line. It was a whole thing.

[Chick]

You should have seen our Thanksgiving.

[Josh]

Oh, man.

[Chick]

Oh, man. I'm sorry. There was a point you were after.

[Christy]

At some point they overlook the Mississippi River. Oh, they're a little higher up. And so I. Oh, I'll have to ask somebody.

[Chick]

You don't want to be low there.

[Christy]

You can't be. It's way on a bluff.

[Chick]

Yeah, that's the Deliverance movie where they're moving the casket.

[Christy]

It's way on a bluff, though. So they're. But yeah, I don't. And my dad also. When I first went to visit his grave, I was so pleased because he was at the end of a row and one of his big things in life, he always insisted on sitting at the end of a row in a movie theater or a concert or a play.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Christy]

And I would say, hey, you got the end of the row.

[Chick]

There you go.

[Tom]

Awesome.

[Chick]

Yeah, I do that too. Yeah. What's.

[Christy]

Oh, yes. Yeah.

[Chick]

If I'm in a booth, I have to be in the outside.

[Josh]

Yeah, we know, Nutsy. We know.

[Tom]

You have to have your. Do you have to face the door?

[Christy]

I like to.

[Chick]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh]

If you knew. Maybe you do know the allowances that are made for you and the way you are here in the building.

[Chick]

Look, I'm buying. I get to sit where I sit. Although I'm usually overruled by a 9 year old from Lebanon, Kentucky. Mark writes, while growing up in the 70s and 80s, my dad would get irritated or angry with me. He said, you're always challenging limits. And then he would say, shoot fire, Mark. Shoot fire.

[Christy]

Shoot fire.

[Chick]

Huh. Apparently that's a. I think the chute is the standard replacement.

[Tom]

Oh, for the other word.

[Chick]

Yeah. Yeah. I've never.

[Christy]

I've never heard that you ever called somebody a spitfire.

[Chick]

No.

[Christy]

I always like that boy. She's a real spitfire.

[Josh]

I've heard. Heck fire. You're in heck fire.

[Christy]

Yes.

[Josh]

That was an exclamation.

[Christy]

Heck fire. They don't want to say hellfire.

[Josh]

Right?

[Chick]

Yeah. This is from Jeremy in Jerome, Idaho.

[Christy]

That's the only Jerome in Idaho I heard.

[Josh]

Jeremy bit the recess teacher's breast. Right?

[Christy]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh]

What?

[Tom]

What?

[Chick]

Jerome spoken class today.

[Josh]

Jeremy. Jeremy spoken last today.

[Chick]

Okay.

[Josh]

I still can't get over that Josh's grandmother was Japanese.

[Christy]

We miss you leaping.

[Chick]

Wouldn't that be Chinese?

[Christy]

We don't.

[Chick]

Fine. Right.

[Josh]

But remember, it was a whole.

[Chick]

But your grandfather during World War II, on the. Fought in the German summit. They must have been at a USO dance in 46.

[Josh]

It was. It was karma that those two got together.

[Chick]

My dad would always say, there's three. There's three mean sobs in this town, and two of them send me Christmas cards.

[Josh]

Wow.

[Christy]

So he's clearly the meanest.

[Chick]

Yes. Yes. That's. That's very good. That's. That's almost the Chuck Norris show.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Doug writes, my dad would always say to me when I was in trouble, do you want to go a couple rounds? One now and one when you get out of the hospital. I think it's pretty good. I think that makes.

[Josh]

Have you heard the newest? There'll be two hits if we. You and I get in a fight, but there'll be three hits. It's. I hit you, you hit the ground. Ambulance hit 60. How about that?

[Chick]

This comes to us from Brad. He writes, my grandfather would always say he couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on.

[Christy]

The heel, which would mean the piss is accidentally pouring out.

[Chick]

Yeah, that would be.

[Christy]

I couldn't do it.

[Chick]

That's a good one.

[Tom]

One.

[Chick]

That's a thinker. I guess he could hold it up like this, but the point is he's an idiot. I think. Yeah. Real soon.

[Christy]

Chick and I both saw a person do that. Remember, we watched a person, and if you want to say who it was, feel free, but it was. We watched this man piss himself on a stage.

[Josh]

Oh, yes.

[Christy]

And then he took his Boot off. And poured it out.

[Josh]

Poured it out.

[Christy]

And we both, like. I literally gagged. I didn't realize it would affect me as much.

[Chick]

Was this part of an act?

[Christy]

No, but it was really.

[Josh]

It was part of a podcast.

[Christy]

Yeah, it was a drunken. Very drunken.

[Josh]

The. The old broadcaster in me kind of thought to himself, well, this is what the kids are listening to now.

[Chick]

Huh? So he did it on purpose?

[Josh]

Oh, yeah.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Well, there were three of them that did it simultaneously, more or less.

[Christy]

He's doing it very well.

[Chick]

Right, okay. All right.

[Josh]

I don't know.

[Chick]

We won't be. We won't be doing that anytime soon.

[Josh]

No, I don't think we should do it.

[Christy]

Well, you wanted us to wear diapers for a while. Couldn't believe we weren't.

[Josh]

Believe we didn't want to do it.

[Chick]

That's a little more wholesome. I. I put an end to that. I wanted you guys to just maybe experience one morning.

[Christy]

You weren't going to do it.

[Chick]

Oh, yes, I thought you were. Of course. Of course I was gonna do it, by the way. But it was the only rule. Was number one. Only.

[Tom]

Right. That was the rule.

[Chick]

Right.

[Christy]

I think he wanted to weigh them.

[Josh]

After the ocean water temperature where The Titanic sank. 28 degrees. Oh, the water temperature.

[Christy]

How's it not ice movement, maybe?

[Josh]

No. At least slushy. At least a slush.

[Tom]

I don't know if you realize that, but there was ice, remember?

[Christy]

Oh, right. Yeah, there was ice. That's what hit the boat. No, that's all a conspiracy.

[Chick]

I see.

[Christy]

There was no iceberg. If you look in history, icebergs didn't exist.

[Chick]

Thank you, Obama.

[Josh]

Clearly global warming.

[Chick]

Right. Thank you. So now I want to mention something. I talked a little bit earlier about Mother's Day just around the corner, which it will be followed at some point by Father's Day. Both those days might be the appropriate time to hand the mom or the dad in question a Field of Dreams bourbon whiskey bottle full of Field of Dreams whiskey. We've been talking to Drew Storen, one of the creators of this special bourbon. It's crafted, of course, using the corn from the famous Field of Dreams from the movie. They have the exclusive rights to that crop, and they make this beautiful bourbon out of it. And the new batch has a bottle, one bottle for each man who has ever played Major League Baseball. So it's a limited number, and it's available right now. And again, this would make a great Mother's Day or Father's Day gift. Get all the [e-mail] Tom now, depending on where you live, they might be able to send you a bottle. It's also available in a number of liquor stores. A lot of that information is posted on their website. Drinkfieldofdreams.com Tom is where you get all the information. And each bottle has a special link to the particular player that is being honored by that bottle. Now, shipping, like I said, available most places, but not available in the following states, Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Delaware, Idaho, Kentucky, Michigan, Mississippi, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah and Vermont. And killjoy, that's a couple other things. You gotta be 21 or over, of course, and we ask you to please drink responsibly. It's Field of Dreams whiskey. And I got a great letter here that I read the other day. But I'll give you a snippet of it again. This is from another Josh. He writes he got his dad a Field of Dreams whiskey bottle from the previous batch for Christmas. Everybody gave me applause when I presented it to my father. I won Christmas. There you go. His particular bottle, by the way, matched up with Eddie Goodell, the famous, very short gent in the famous Vecas and Rec story. Now check it out once again. It's very simple. You go to Drink Field of Dreams.com Tom Coming up in sports, Chick McGee.

[Josh]

We'Ve got how tall is too tall to play basketball in college? We'll talk about it. And let's see, what do you get when you win the Masters coming up this weekend? There's of course you get the green.

[Chick]

Jacket and you don't get to keep.

[Josh]

The green jacket money. But you also get some other stuff.

[Tom]

Give you a copy of the green jacket run down.

[Chick]

I think you have to get your own. The the green jacket stays there.

[Josh]

The green jacket stays at Augusta.

[Chick]

Now if you get real porky, do they let it out for you?

[Josh]

They I'm sure there's a some sort of tailor on staff.

[Chick]

Yeah, there's probably some very, very old man. I've been here for 100 years.

[Josh]

Best golfer Gene Sarahson. That's some could hit a ball.

[Chick]

I saw Arnold Palmer in the shower. I tell you what that man is. I think he's from Cameroon.

[Josh]

Worst day of my life. They left women and I'll tell you.

[Chick]

That I can't believe we are we are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Josh]

Thanks for listening to the Bob and Tom show this morning. The show is also out there for you on our YouTube channel. Watch and subscribe.

[Christy]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash?

[Chick]

Progressive makes it easy.

[Patrick Keane]

Just drop in some details about yourself.

[Christy]

And see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies.

[Chick]

The process only takes minutes and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket.

[Christy]

Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

[Chick]

He could be your announcer.

[Josh]

Hello. Hello. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts studio. O'Reilly Auto Parts. For all your car care needs, get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. There's Josh and Pat and Christy. I'm Chick. Hello. Here's Tom.

[Chick]

Thank you very much. Now, Patty G. Yes, sir. Got a couple new songs out there. I know you've got your new album and in a mellow mood called. No, it's called Hotel Pool.

[Josh]

Oh, that's right. That's right.

[Chick]

And you've written a few songs even since that record came out. Do you want to play something for us? I know Chick missed a couple of days. I love that chicken story, the guy kidnapping the chicken.

[Tom]

Oh, I have that.

[Chick]

Okay.

[Christy]

Hear about this.

[Josh]

I did not hear about the guy kidnapping the chicken.

[Tom]

You hear about Polly?

[Josh]

He wanted to make his own nuggets.

[Tom]

No, no, no.

[Chick]

Sometimes, sometimes lover, lovers break up and.

[Tom]

You know, revenge is a weird thing.

[Christy]

Don't get yourself a revengeful galaxy.

[Tom]

Washington State cold. A man is accused of abducting his ex girlfriend's pet chicken. The victim reported her former boyfriend invaded her home and stole her chicken. The chicken named Polly was returned unharmed to its owner. Yes.

[Chick]

The police had to get the guy out of the woods, though.

[Christy]

Yeah, they found him in the woods.

[Tom]

He was hiding. He was holding the chicken.

[Josh]

I feel all of a sudden, I feel very, very sad for him.

[Christy]

We kind of did, too.

[Chick]

Poor guy.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Who knows what happened. But he's in trouble, so.

[Josh]

Yeah, he's chicken thief. Don't you get hanged for. Oh, no, that's horses. I'm sorry.

[Chick]

Do you have a song about this guy? Little, Little Feet tribute.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Chick]

This for Tom. Seeing the bright lights of a courtroom and now the darkness of a cell. Fought with my lady after she gave me so much hell oh, she gave me a tongue lashing. She loves a chicken more than me. I broke down her back door. Gonna make some fricassee. My girlfriend loves that frickin chicken and it Threw me for a loop I stole that mother clucker oh.

[Christy]

Then I flew the coop I kidnapped.

[Chick]

Her pet chicken or else and now.

[Christy]

I'm on the lamb they caught me.

[Chick]

In the woods oh. With a frying pan oh, that freaking chicken.

[Christy]

Oh, the cops.

[Chick]

The goddamn man. Yeah. Little tribute to Lil George and Little Feet this morning, thank you very much.

[Christy]

I'd only heard Garth Brooks version of Dixie Chicken. Oh, no kidding. Yeah.

[Josh]

Oh, you should. Yeah.

[Christy]

I will have to check out Little Feet's pretty good.

[Chick]

That's the original.

[Christy]

Okay.

[Chick]

And that's a great record you can't miss. Speaking of great records, I got a lot of Grateful Dead fans emailing me this morning about my reference back to that yesterday to the song Dire Wolf. Because Dire Wolf's in the news today because. What's the company called?

[Tom]

Like, Colossal Biosciences.

[Chick]

Yeah. And I said this before. Colossal Biosciences sounds like the bad guys either in a James Bond movie or in the TV show Lost.

[Tom]

You don't want to mess with.

[Chick]

Here at Colossal Biosciences. We've cloned Hitler and we're gonna. They're the guys that have. And ladies that have created the. They've. What is it? Three direwolf puppies.

[Tom]

Correct.

[Chick]

And they're being held somewhere secretly. But when I heard about that, I, of course, thought of Direwolf, the song from the Grateful Dead. You guys thought of Game of Thrones, which I never watched.

[Josh]

Well, we never heard Direwolf.

[Tom]

We thought of Dire Straits. When? Yesterday.

[Josh]

Gotta be something about it.

[Chick]

They're trying to create a Dire Wolf, not Dire Straits.

[Tom]

I know.

[Chick]

Straight is certainly one of my favorite bands, I grant you that, but. So I played a little bit of the song. Direwolf. Jerry Garcia, Robert Hunter number from the early Grateful Dead.

[Josh]

Okay, so we.

[Chick]

And you guys. You guys hated it. You didn't like that? That. That pedal steel?

[Josh]

I wasn't. I didn't hate it. Only because I wasn't here to hate it.

[Chick]

Okay, but here's a different portion of the song. Is that okay if we.

[Josh]

I can't think of any way to stop it.

[Chick]

Okay, here. Here we go. This. Maybe you'll like this part better.

[Josh]

Don't murder me.

[Chick]

Nice harmony there. I make up. You don't murder me. Okay. I can tell you're not enjoying it. It's.

[Tom]

No, it. It's.

[Chick]

But there's a great story about the song.

[Tom]

Oh, really?

[Josh]

I just hope it's long and involved.

[Christy]

You know, it is refreshing to know we no longer care about listeners, whether we have given up. Whether they like what we do, it is. It's. It's very freeing.

[Josh]

Like what? 1% love the Grateful Dead, if that's okay.

[Chick]

And once again, they're. They have a residency coming up again at the Sphere.

[Tom]

Yes.

[Chick]

In Las Vegas.

[Josh]

I think they've been there to see. I get updates on John Mayeral, and I think they've been at the Sphere three times.

[Tom]

Aren't they. Weren't they one of the first bands?

[Chick]

The Sphere is really cool. I went there to see the Eagles.

[Josh]

It looks at one point during the Grateful Dead show like you are at their house in San Francisco.

[Chick]

Oh, that's fun.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Really? It's an interesting place. I certainly recommend it.

[Josh]

Yes.

[Chick]

But the apocryphal story, apparently, about. About that song, is that Jerry Garcia was playing poker with a bunch of mafia guys.

[Josh]

Huh?

[Chick]

And he got very concerned that he kept winning, so he tried to start losing and couldn't lose. And the mafia guy said, hey, you're okay. We're not gonna murder you.

[Tom]

Oh, nice.

[Chick]

Thank you, John, from Wilmington, North Carolina, for passing along that story.

[Tom]

So where does the dire wolf come in?

[Chick]

Robert Hunter is the guy that wrote those lyrics. The direwolf that. That apparently involves. They were watching some horror movie. They mentioned a dire wolf. Were you aware of that in horror movies, Josh?

[Christy]

No. I mean, I've heard the term before, so maybe, but nothing.

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Josh]

With it either.

[Chick]

In any event, there's. They're cloning little puppy direwolves somewhere, which, you know, what's next? This is all that kind of Jurassic park stuff. So we'll see. We'll see what happens.

[Tom]

We had woolly mammoth mice. What's next?

[Chick]

And they were kind of cute.

[Tom]

They were cute. Well, direwolves are cute.

[Christy]

I don't feel like we've gotten a good explanation, though, as to why they're doing it. What? What?

[Josh]

Just show off their genes?

[Christy]

What are they learning that they're going to be able to apply to?

[Chick]

Like I said, there's a very extensive article about this in the New Yorker this week. And the.

[Josh]

The New Yorker.

[Chick]

I'm sorry, I know reading is forbidden on this show, but. Yeah, it's quite interesting.

[Christy]

I saw they're on the COVID of Time and the wolf.

[Chick]

Oh, they are? The little wolf.

[Christy]

No, it actually looks like a grown wolf, but.

[Chick]

Oh, okay. Well, I didn't know that. Okay, cool. Now, coming up in sports.

[Josh]

Huh? Oh, yeah. We've got an NBA coach fired. He just won a championship. Not sure why. Why that happened. I'm not sure anybody Knows why that.

[Chick]

Must have hit on the.

[Josh]

And Candy and world. World record. Candy.

[Christy]

Candy. Candy. I can let you go.

[Josh]

Candy.

[Christy]

O Little Iggy Pop for that ass.

[Chick]

I didn't know that.

[Christy]

I like that.

[Chick]

And we, I think. Can we do a quick review of some of the stories Chick missed? Because I mean, you missed some doozies yesterday.

[Josh]

All right.

[Chick]

And the day before.

[Christy]

Fill the man in.

[Chick]

And I will remind you that Willie G. And Al Jackson and Frank Caliendo are on the road. Little mini tour. They're going to be at Summit City in Fort Wayne tonight. And then by the way, Friday and Saturday in Cincinnati at Liberty Township Funny Bone and then Columbus on Sunday. We also have some very exciting stuff coming up in the news today. I'm really excited about it and hope you'll enjoy it. But we do have an odd story. I've never heard this one before involving driving while intoxicated on something. Well, just to say I've never heard about this before.

[Christy]

Oh, okay.

[Chick]

Rather unusual. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios and this is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Josh]

Hey, thanks for listening to the Bob and Tom this morning. Get a look at today's show on our YouTube channel.

[Chick]

This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Upgrade your business with Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet. Shop pay boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning fewer carts going abandoned and more.

[Josh]

Sales going cha ching.

[Chick]

So if you're into growing your business, get a commerce platform that's ready to sell wherever your customers are. Visit shopify.com to upgrade your selling today.

[Josh]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. Chrissy Lee at the SILAC Insurance news desk. Hello, there's Pat Godwin.

[Chick]

Hey, Chick.

[Josh]

Hello, Josh Arnold.

[Christy]

Chick, how are you?

[Josh]

We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Yes, I am. Chick McGee. Hello, Tom. How are you, sir?

[Chick]

Hello, Chick.

[Josh]

Are you enjoying some Java House delicious beverage?

[Chick]

The official beverage and coffee. I'm actually drinking tea right now. The. The delicious black tea I see from Java House. I'll give you an update on what's going on with Java House. It's the Peel and poor tea, right? You don't need that Keurig machine that's full of germs. No, I'll tell you all about it coming up right now. I. You missed a couple interesting stories.

[Tom]

We're gonna check in apparently Pat on some.

[Josh]

Some things that chicks these two been rehearsing.

[Chick]

Oh, really?

[Josh]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Chick]

Chick wasn't here when we read the news.

[Josh]

Phil, Phil.

[Chick]

Phil, the man and gators and taters.

[Christy]

And dire wolves too.

[Josh]

Phil, Phil, Phil.

[Tom]

No, Tom's gonna fill them in.

[Chick]

Fill them in, Tom, A couple things. There was a story yesterday about the. The statue of Molly Malone.

[Tom]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh]

I'm unfamiliar with any of this in Dublin.

[Chick]

And Molly. It's a life size statue and it's on a pedestal about a foot and a half high. And she's got what, a wheelbarrow in front of her?

[Tom]

Yep.

[Christy]

Yes. And there's an old song selling cockles and mussels alive, alive.

[Chick]

Oh, and the statue. It's kind of like the Abraham Lincoln thing where the nose is all shiny now because people rub it for good luck. Except in the case of the Molly Malone statue. Statue. According to the BBC. I'll read it verbatim.

[Christy]

Any guesses? Can we let chick guess? Might be rubbed.

[Josh]

The boobs are above.

[Tom]

Yep, you got it. The boobs.

[Chick]

And. And I must say boobs.

[Tom]

They're a nice presentation.

[Chick]

Yeah, the presentation doesn't really seem like the kind of thing you'd put in a public statue.

[Christy]

I mean, they're almost spilling out of there. No kidding. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Chick]

There you go. Oh, yeah.

[Josh]

Oh, sure. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Chick]

They're a distinctly different color.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Chick]

And she looks miserable.

[Christy]

Yeah, well, her boobs are.

[Chick]

Having the dress she's wearing. Forced to wear by her husband.

[Josh]

Yeah, she's just thinking, that's all.

[Christy]

And she reeks of cockles.

[Josh]

Yeah. Ever smell a cockle?

[Tom]

Their muscles are sore.

[Chick]

They call her the first Hooters waitress. In any event, they've. They're actually hiring guards now to keep tourists from going up and feeling her up.

[Josh]

Isn't there another statue where somebody's. It's a guy laying and they're. His crotch is shiny too.

[Chick]

Oh, maybe the famous one to me is the Abraham Lincoln.

[Christy]

So this woman who sold muscles and cockles. Alive, alive. O. They're now having guards block the statue so no one can touch it.

[Tom]

Yep.

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Are they called cockle blockers? Thank you very much. Thank you, Jake. If you need another day, take it.

[Josh]

All right.

[Chick]

They're. They are. They're. They're strip club bouncers. They're used to dealing with horny men that are gropers. You know what I'm saying? You missed that story, chick. Okay, I want to touch that then. This one I cut was kind of interesting. I am not a fan of morning pizza or cold pizza. Pizza. I don't like it. I don't approve of it.

[Josh]

You don't like cold pizza?

[Chick]

No. Hate it. No, don't like it. I don't even like pizza. I. I like to eat pizza at pizza parlors. I don't like taking it home.

[Tom]

Pizza is like eating pizza.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Chick]

No.

[Josh]

All right.

[Chick]

One of the joys of life having a box of hot pizza come to your house.

[Josh]

Pizza is out there.

[Chick]

Hate it. Sorry.

[Christy]

That's all right.

[Chick]

I don't like. And I. Same thing with sushi. I don't like. It never tastes the same. In any event, dietitian, make your sushi at home.

[Josh]

You gotta go out and have your store bought sushi.

[Tom]

He won't bring it home. He won't take it.

[Chick]

And lately, for whatever reason, I'm. I'm off sushi. I can't drink it, eat it.

[Josh]

No kidding.

[Chick]

Yeah, I don't know what. I just tired of it. A dietitian named Chelsea Amer says you might be surprised to find out the average slice of pizza and a bowl of cereal with whole milk contain the same amount of calories. However, pizza packs a much larger protein punch.

[Josh]

Well, sure.

[Chick]

So she's saying pizza is a healthier breakfast than cereal.

[Josh]

Pizza is the best part of to start any day.

[Chick]

So for all you 5th graders just waking up. Hey, Tom just said I should. It's not just me. It's this fine diet.

[Christy]

My home EC teacher taught us that. She said you, you're better off eating pizza in the morning than you are a bowl of cereal.

[Tom]

That makes a lot of sense.

[Chick]

So then Willie's idea for pizza O's. This may be a thing. The breakfast cereal, you'd have to pack it with protein.

[Tom]

It's not just the taste of the pizza. It has to have the protein in it.

[Josh]

Yeah, that's the thing.

[Christy]

And the milk and the pizza.

[Tom]

Yeah. Milk and pizza don't go together.

[Chick]

I'm more of a cereal guy.

[Tom]

Put Diet Coke or something on it.

[Chick]

Chick McGee, are you familiar with the. With the death grip syndrome? This was a new one to me.

[Josh]

I am not.

[Tom]

Oh, this was a big story yesterday.

[Chick]

Yeah, go ahead, Christy.

[Tom]

Health experts say the phenomenon called death Death grip syndrome can lead to sexual difficulties in men. It refers to repeatedly gripping your male member too tightly while pleasuring yourself too tightly. Yep.

[Josh]

What?

[Tom]

Dr. Lawrence Cunningham.

[Josh]

Are there guys out there can mess up masturbation?

[Chick]

Those are the guys that shake hands too hard.

[Christy]

Are they the same guy?

[Josh]

I hate those guys. That just happened to us. Again.

[Christy]

Huge guys.

[Chick]

You can't. You can't grip it too tightly. And if, by the way, the same for your golf swing. I think we all know that.

[Tom]

Yeah, that's exactly right.

[Josh]

You're quite the man.

[Tom]

If you're gripping it too tight can lead to decreased sensitivity, difficulty achieving orgasm through other forms of sexual activity. So she says that Dr. Cunningham, that to reverse the effects of Death Grip syndrome, you need to use a gentler touch, I guess.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Tom]

How do you.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Geez. Ain't gonna get you there if he's a gentle touch.

[Christy]

You have to train. You have to re. It's gonna take like a year to retrain it.

[Tom]

Take that long?

[Christy]

I think so. If I. If you had a new technique for me, it would take me a year to figure it out.

[Chick]

Well, you're a left. You're a righty. But you go lefty with that.

[Christy]

Yes. Yeah. Because I broke my arm during the formative years.

[Chick]

You ever try righty?

[Christy]

Yeah, I've gone back to righty just to see. Yeah, it's awkward. Yeah. Especially in the store.

[Chick]

Yeah, sure. They get very upset. I think we've pretty much covered most of the stuff you missed.

[Josh]

I want to go back to that Molly Malone story. The statue. Her breasts were all shiny. Statue of prominent 19th century French journalist is losing its bronze color. In a specific area. Women rub his crotch and kiss his lips for good luck.

[Chick]

Where's this?

[Josh]

The statue of Victor Noir. N oir.

[Tom]

Oh, my.

[Josh]

Famous for a protuberance in his. Or sticks out in his pants. Has been touched by thousands of women since being placed in a cemetery in Paris in 1891. In a bizarre ritual, women kiss the lips, rub the crotch, and place a flower in the hand of the statue, believing it will improve their relationships and boost fertility.

[Christy]

Interesting.

[Chick]

Now we're looking at this thing. It's a. It's a.

[Josh]

He's laying down.

[Christy]

Looks like the sticky fingers cover like a bottle.

[Chick]

Yeah, it is like a bas relief. You're right, Christmas. But it's very, very.

[Tom]

It's his whole body. It's not just the face.

[Josh]

Victor Noir was shot dead by great nephew of emperor Napoleon in 1870.

[Christy]

Wow.

[Josh]

And that's why that bronze statue is discolored.

[Tom]

Man, that is a.

[Christy]

Are you proud of me now, great uncle? Huh? In front of me now.

[Chick]

Bam. Let's go to Elba. He's a corpse Pose now. Good news for Josh and for yours truly. They've named the world's sexiest bald men. Oh, wait a minute. We're not on the list. Prince William, by the way. One again. Chick, in case you were.

[Josh]

Yeah, that's like two or three years in a row, right?

[Chick]

And Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Stanley Tucci, Vin Diesel, all part of the top 10. Shaq is in there.

[Tom]

Somebody's third.

[Josh]

Now somebody's got to get it to Dwayne Johnson and tell him his arms are big enough. Stop. His arms massive are way too big.

[Christy]

Are they bigger than our quads? They look like they are, yeah.

[Chick]

His arms.

[Josh]

I bet his arms are my. My pants size like a 40, 40, 38, 40. 42 inch arm. Oh, he could put my pants around. He could put his arm in my pants and button and zip up and the pants would fit.

[Chick]

Are you saying you'd like to have Dwayne Johnson put his.

[Josh]

Yes. And kiss him on the mouth.

[Christy]

Look, any future president, I mean, he.

[Tom]

Says they're only 22 inches, but that doesn't seem right.

[Christy]

22 inch pythons, brother.

[Chick]

What are you gonna do?

[Tom]

Brother?

[Christy]

Christy, do you think Stanley Tucci is a sexy man?

[Tom]

Yes.

[Chick]

No kidding.

[Christy]

That was immediate.

[Tom]

Yes. And I'll tell you why. A, you know, I like shorter men.

[Christy]

Okay.

[Tom]

And he's a great cook, which is always very sexy. Did you like him in that movie videos? Pardon me?

[Chick]

Did you like watching the Conclave?

[Tom]

Yes.

[Josh]

I don't know.

[Tom]

I'm not really attracted to Cardinals.

[Josh]

For you observant astute listeners out there, I don't know if you caught that, but Tom was not a fan of the movie conclusion. Everybody else in the world, you know.

[Christy]

I think you can dislike that movie, but still think he was terrific.

[Chick]

Yeah, he was wonderful.

[Josh]

They're all terrific. That's a terrific.

[Chick]

As John said, they pull the punch at the end.

[Tom]

I don't like to sexualize my priests, so I don't look at.

[Chick]

Sure, sure. That's why I brought it up because it was really awkward.

[Christy]

Yeah, yeah. A lot of women find Tucci to just be incredibly sexy.

[Tom]

Yes.

[Chick]

Brilliant cook. Yeah, lots of.

[Tom]

Lots of great cook. Follow him on Instagram. It's incredible.

[Chick]

Okay. That's pretty much all the cool stuff that you miss, chick. Did you see that? Maybe perhaps a child actor that you were familiar with, Jay north, passed away.

[Josh]

I did see that.

[Chick]

Dennis the Menace.

[Josh]

Dennis the Menace, Yeah.

[Chick]

The original tv.

[Christy]

Now when you saw it, you don't. You're not one to laugh at death, but did you laugh a little bit knowing that this would really affect Tom?

[Josh]

Oh, yeah. Let me guess. Did you guys play the Dennis the Menace theme?

[Chick]

We did not.

[Christy]

We talked a lot about it.

[Chick]

No, but I talked about the fact that the original actor that played Mr. Wilson next door died. And that was the first time my mother Explained death to me. I was a little boy. And didn't understand why they had a different Mr. Wilson.

[Christy]

The same thing happened with Mr. Hooper on Sesame street for me.

[Chick]

Yeah, this is it.

[Josh]

Dennis the Menace theme. Who was the next door original? Next door neighbor.

[Chick]

Guy with.

[Josh]

Guy with the glasses. Right.

[Chick]

Oh, Christy shouted out his name.

[Josh]

I thought Gail Gordon was Mr. Wilson.

[Chick]

Joseph Kearns.

[Tom]

Yeah, something like that.

[Josh]

Oh, I think it was Rod Steiger was next.

[Christy]

He would have been a pretty good one.

[Josh]

Yeah, he would have given Dennis a run for his money.

[Chick]

Yeah, he.

[Josh]

What are you doing over there? Huh?

[Chick]

He'd be so upset with Dennis. He did that thing in the Pawnbroker where he takes his hand and puts it through the spike.

[Josh]

That's right.

[Tom]

Joseph Kearns played George Wilson and then later played by Gail Gordon.

[Chick]

Oh, wow.

[Josh]

I told you.

[Chick]

But when he does, my ass. I didn't disagree. I was just saying that was a way.

[Josh]

Owe me $10,000.

[Christy]

Remember who played Mr. Wilson in the 90s movie?

[Tom]

No, never saw it.

[Josh]

It's on the tip of my Carol Lombard.

[Christy]

Walter Mathau.

[Josh]

Walter. Mr. Wilson.

[Christy]

Now you're saying Mr. Hooper died when.

[Chick]

You were a kid. Your parents had to explain that.

[Christy]

Yeah, and I think Sesame street also did a pretty good job explaining it, if I remember correctly.

[Chick]

Who's Mr. Hooper?

[Christy]

He was like the green grocer or something on Sesame Street.

[Josh]

He ran the grocery store in the neighborhood.

[Chick]

Kind old man. They killed him off.

[Christy]

Yeah, Sesame street doesn't often kill off their kids. They don't do a Sopranos. Very Game of Thrones.

[Chick]

Give it a big puppet.

[Josh]

Oscar came by, shot him and put him in a garbage.

[Chick]

Remember I talked about that show Kevin Can Wait With Kevin. Kevin James. Yeah. After the first season, they. They. The wife disappeared and Leah Remini comes back and in one episode. Oh, well, you know, the car accident. Mom's dead.

[Josh]

Success or what?

[Chick]

Okay, well, that pretty much sums up everything that chick missed.

[Josh]

I had no idea I had a Rod Steiger impression.

[Chick]

That was good.

[Josh]

Thank you very much. You know, my brother used to be somebody.

[Christy]

I love Rod Steiger.

[Josh]

It was a contender. That's not the way the speech goes.

[Chick]

Is it?

[Josh]

Marlon Brando's? Oh, yeah, there you go. On the Waterfront.

[Chick]

We missed you talking about. We missed you talking about Simply Safe.

[Josh]

Everything was on the waterfront. That's why they named the movie on the Water.

[Christy]

Whether you live on a waterfront or.

[Chick]

It just worked for the time, Simply safe.

[Josh]

The do it yourself, design it yourself, install it yourself home security system. And leaps and bounds in front of every Other home security system simply safe. Millions of Americans enjoy a new standard in home security. I'm one of them. And greater peace of mind every time they arm their system. As I say to the lady dogs, every night, compound secure. Traditional security systems only take action after somebody's already broken in. And you might guess that's way too late. They come in, they touch your stuff. At least if they don't get away with something. And odds are if you don't have Simplisafe, they get away with all your stuff. AI powered cameras from SimpliSafe are backed by live professional monitoring agents monitoring your property and detect suspicious activity. And if there's a lurker lurking around, being a lurker, Simplisafe agent see and talk to them in real time. They can turn on spotlights and call the police all before they have a chance to get inside your home. No long term contracts or cancellation fees. Monitoring plans about a dollar a day, 60 day satisfaction guarantee or your money back. Isn't it time to give you and your family peace of mind? Visit simplisafetom.com and I don't know how much longer this offer can continue, but it's an amazing 50% off the new system with a professional monitoring plan and your first month free. That's simplisafetom.com. remember, there's no safe like SimpliSafe.

[Chick]

Thank you very much, Chick Magee. Coming up, there's one more important story you missed because it involves something that's significant in your life. So we'll be sure to cover that. Also, we have sporting news on the way. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Josh]

It's part sports.

[Christy]

We have football on the brain, part pop culture.

[Chick]

Dennis Leary.

[Christy]

True or false. You refuse to wear a glove with Mickey Mantle's signature on it.

[Chick]

Through be the sandlot, Red Sox blood.

[Josh]

The Bruins blood, they run deep. Add in the best celebrity interview.

[Christy]

Robert De Niro here on the Rich Eisen Show.

[Chick]

How are you, sir?

[Josh]

Just kind of rock of 24 hour virus.

[Christy]

The antidote is to appear on the Rich Eisen Show.

[Josh]

There you go. I would just have done it earlier.

[Chick]

And you've got the Rich Eisen show podcast.

[Christy]

There is a medicinal quality to appearing on this program.

[Josh]

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. At the SILAC Insurance news desk, it's Christy lee.

[Tom]

Hey, Chick McGee.

[Josh]

There's Pat Godwin.

[Christy]

Hey.

[Josh]

Hello, Josh.

[Christy]

Hi.

[Josh]

How are you, sir?

[Christy]

I'm good. Steven Singer. Of course. I'm sitting at the I hate Stephen Singer sidekick chair. They've got their limited edition brand new blue moon 24 karat gold dipped rose for mother's day. It's available now, but there's a limited quantity. So get yours now at I hate stevensinger.com.

[Josh]

You left me standing alone.

[Chick]

We actually have a blue moon coming up in the news.

[Josh]

That's something joke about a smurf there somewhere.

[Chick]

No, in a very odd way with an orange slide. But right now we're been reviewing just a couple stories the chick missed while he was gone mentally and physically. This one has a tie in to you.

[Josh]

To me.

[Chick]

An American guy was arrested in India for allegedly trying to. This is so weird. You might have seen the story. He was. He left an offering, if you will, of a Diet Coke.

[Christy]

Yeah. Did you see this?

[Tom]

Oh yeah. To this indigenous tribe.

[Chick]

There's this tribe that is isolated and you. It's against the law to go on this island. You can't within what, three miles of it legally.

[Tom]

Like Miramar somewhere down there.

[Chick]

Yeah, it's. It's called North Sentinel Island. This is from the BBC. The people that live in this island are called the Sentinelese and well, that's.

[Josh]

Just a made up word.

[Chick]

Well, aren't the all words are made up at some point? Okay. They're trying to keep the people free from disease. They want to preserve their way of life. And so you, you know, whatever we have in contemporary civilization, you don't get to go take to them.

[Christy]

Also, they've been known to murder those who intrude on their.

[Tom]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh]

Well, snitches get stitches.

[Chick]

They killed a 27 year old American missionary in 2018 who landed illegally on their beach.

[Christy]

Savages.

[Chick]

Yeah, I'm gonna tell you. How about the Lord? Well, they're not savages.

[Christy]

The hell they're not.

[Chick]

No, it's their place. Leave them alone.

[Christy]

You can still be savages and have your own place.

[Josh]

Have you seen the movie the Gods must be Crazy? That's what this reminds me.

[Christy]

Yes.

[Josh]

Even the soft drinks involved.

[Chick]

And the reason I brought it up is because you are a big Diet Pepsi fan.

[Josh]

Yes, I am.

[Chick]

And this guy left them. He called it an offering of a Diet Coke.

[Josh]

Yeah, well, that was his problem. He should have gone with the Pepsi.

[Chick]

And then he went back, got back. Crawford got back in his boat and was blowing the boat horn with a lot of volume trying to get the people to come talk to him. And they, they didn't. And they, they. Anyway, the guy's been arrested. You can't do that.

[Christy]

But I thought blowing a boat horn in tribal language mean shoot arrows here.

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Christy]

You're gonna be Raiders of the Lost Ark.

[Tom]

I mean, people are idiots.

[Chick]

And, you know, I think we all know they have a taste for what I like to call white boy chili.

[Christy]

Remember those Tasty White boy.

[Chick]

There has to be a book somewhere of all those classic, you know, missionary or great white hunter in the. In the pot cartoons.

[Christy]

I know you love that.

[Chick]

You can't draw those anymore. I thought they were funny. No, I mean these people. Leave them alone. Yeah.

[Christy]

I'm all for leaving them alone.

[Josh]

Isn't there a Bugs Bunny cartoon where he's trying to take the penguin back to Antarctica, but the penguin actually grew up in anchors or something like that?

[Christy]

This is where I'm from.

[Josh]

Yes, please. I'm from. And Bug says he don't want to take you all the way to Antarctica, but he finds about. Bugs finds a boat and they get all the way.

[Chick]

Analogous to contemporary.

[Josh]

And they're deep in the jungle and they put them both in a big pot. Bugs and the penguin. And Humphrey Bogart comes out of the woods and goes, pardon me, do you have an extra dollar? Help a fellow American who's down on his luck.

[Chick]

That's great.

[Josh]

Never mind.

[Chick]

Well, the. I think you have to. We can all agree the central. These people.

[Josh]

Yes.

[Chick]

Have possibly the worst chamber of commerce of any organization. I mean, if they just kill people that land on their island, you leave them alone. Now it is time for us.

[Tom]

Keeps people away.

[Chick]

Pardon me.

[Tom]

That keeps people away.

[Chick]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christy]

I mean, what are they guarding on that island?

[Tom]

I don't know. Wouldn't that be.

[Christy]

Oh, boy.

[Chick]

Do they have anything? Diamonds? Do they have anything? I mean, do they have clothing?

[Tom]

We don't. I don't know. There are pictures of them. I mean, I don't know if you call it clothing loincloths.

[Josh]

And remember the National Geographic with the topless of female natives. Absolutely.

[Chick]

Many a man was imprinted.

[Josh]

Oh, yeah, That'll get you there. Oh, yeah, they have.

[Tom]

Bengal is where they live.

[Josh]

As long as you don't grab it too tight. It's the only thing.

[Chick]

Now. Grabbing. Grabbing it too tight. You're referencing. What was the name of that? The death grip.

[Tom]

Yes. Death Grip syndrome.

[Chick]

You know, by the way, you can. You can. If you're. You're grabbing it too tight. If your penis has a safe word. If.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Chick]

If it's suddenly, you know.

[Josh]

You know what else you shouldn't grab too tight is your Golf clubs and that speed. That means the Masters is coming this weekend. Did you know that, Tom?

[Chick]

I did.

[Josh]

The player who wins the Masters earns the right to take advantage of a number of incredible perks that are available. And of course, we all know about the wardrobe.

[Chick]

Green jacket.

[Josh]

The green jacket. Yep. And then you also get a replica of the Masters trophy.

[Christy]

Oh, that's cool.

[Josh]

Did you know that?

[Tom]

I did not.

[Josh]

In 1961, Augusta national commissioned a trophy for the Masters in the form of a replica of the clubhouse made of more than 900 pieces of silver. The player who wins get their name etched on that piece of hardware, and that permanently resides on the grounds of the Master at Augusta. But they've also allowed to take home a tiny replica of the Masters trophy. They also get a gold medal keepsake for the golfers who's won the masters. It measures 3.4 inches in diameter, weighs 2.3 ounces, which if it's solid gold, and I believe it is, that's like six, $7,000. Just for that little.

[Chick]

Do you get to wear that?

[Josh]

You can if you'd like.

[Chick]

I mean, unless you were like a hip hop guy, you probably wouldn't wear it much.

[Christy]

I'd wear it everywhere. Oh, I win a gold medal for anything I'm wearing.

[Chick]

You walk into. You walk into Chick Fil a. See, that's right. I won the match.

[Josh]

If you win the Masters the next year, you get. You get the option. You plan the menu for the Masters Champions dinner.

[Christy]

I've always heard that that is true.

[Chick]

That could be problematic, as we learned years ago. By the way, we have our special announcement. Much a tradition unlike any other.

[Josh]

Oh, gosh.

[Chick]

The masturbators. This weekend on cbs.

[Christy]

Childish and filthy Uniban.

[Josh]

Would you like to hear what the Masters club dinner was April 9, 2019.

[Tom]

Yes.

[Josh]

Oh, and I'm not sure who picked this. In 1952, Ben Hogan ushered in the tradition at the Masters. He organized dinner, so it's become a tradition ever since.

[Christy]

He served Hogan's hoagies.

[Josh]

They. He did.

[Christy]

Oh, you know what?

[Chick]

Hogan's Heroes is right there. That would have been the joke.

[Christy]

It was right there.

[Josh]

Hogan's hero.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Caesar's gonna play the theme music and everything.

[Josh]

You can have your choices.

[Christy]

I wouldn't have chosen that, but I know you.

[Josh]

Or a wedge. And you can have macaroni and cheese, cream spinach, corn, cream brulee, steamed broccoli, and prime bone in the cowboy ribeye. How's that? That'll get there. You have a permanent invite to the master's dinner. Was I talking.

[Chick]

No, we don't need to hear the whole menu and the go.

[Josh]

You get a golden locket that's in the shape of the United States of America with a flag coming out of Augusta, Georgia, and you get honorary lifetime membership at Augusta National.

[Chick]

How much cash do you get?

[Josh]

4. $9 million.

[Chick]

$49 million.

[Josh]

I've lost you and I'm sure. Pat.

[Christy]

How much can I get for this many.

[Josh]

How's a song that I missed? Pat, go ahead.

[Chick]

All right.

[Josh]

You were saying?

[Chick]

No, no, no. You could continue. I was just.

[Christy]

What, you didn't want him to continue?

[Josh]

You didn't want.

[Chick]

Well, I don't want to hear the whole. I don't want to hear the menu. Every year someone.

[Josh]

I wasn't giving you the menu. I was giving you the perks that you get when you're a great golfer. You don't want to hear it. That's okay. That's all right. How would you like to hear a CS how do you think a 7 foot 9 guy cuts the nets down when his team wins the national championship?

[Christy]

I'm going to say teeth. I'm going to invent a word ladderlessly.

[Josh]

Florida beat Houston 65, 63 Monday night. And that means Florida 7 foot 9 center Oliver Rood was on hand. And yes, he did not need a ladder to cut down the net. Here he is.

[Christy]

Oh, he doesn't have a ladder.

[Chick]

He doesn't need it. Nope.

[Josh]

He is flat footed. He just barely. Barely tippy toes. And he's cutting the net.

[Christy]

How'd you like to be able to reach higher? Higher than a ladder?

[Chick]

What is your word?

[Christy]

No, I like it ladderlessly.

[Josh]

I have ladderlessly.

[Chick]

It sounds like from a Broadway show.

[Josh]

Ladderlessly for a laugh. You guys know who John Morant is? Point guard for the Grizzlies. He's very good, but the NBA has been getting on him a couple of weeks. He. If his team's ahead, he, he on court shenanigans. He acts like he has a rifle and he's shooting at the. The opposing team.

[Christy]

Okay. Some people don't care.

[Josh]

So the NBA has come down and said, hey, hey, let's not do that anymore. Yeah. So Ja responded by now, instead of doing the rifle thing, he takes a grenade.

[Chick]

Hilarious.

[Josh]

And throws it at the bench. And now they've told him to stop doing that.

[Chick]

Oh, come on.

[Tom]

Oh, have some fun.

[Chick]

Lighten up a little bit.

[Tom]

Entertainment at this point.

[Chick]

Anyway, if you're just joining us. Hello. Thanks for joining us. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Part Studios. And this is the Bob and tom program. Chick McGee is at the Orange Insole sports desk. And Pat, do you know the famous story, speaking of the Masters, due to the famous bird story?

[Christy]

I don't.

[Josh]

How's your bird, pal? No, I don't know that.

[Chick]

Yeah, I think you do. They. They. Someone. A bird person. What do you call a complete nerd? A birder? No, no, no. Someone who.

[Josh]

Oh, I remember this.

[Chick]

Was watching the Masters years ago.

[Josh]

Broadcast has never been the same since.

[Chick]

And they noticed that the. The beautiful. I'm not sure. I think birdologist might have been an ornithologist. I'm not sure. The point is this guy was listening and he goes, that particular bird does not live in Augusta, Georgia.

[Christy]

Just a geek.

[Chick]

CBS had to admit that they were. They were sweetening the bird sounds with the sounds of recorded birds.

[Josh]

I got 50 bucks that guy's voice is like this. You know, I don't want to tell you how to do your job.

[Tom]

That's awful.

[Josh]

However, that bird I'm hearing is not an indication of birds available in the Augusta, Georgia area.

[Christy]

You realize it's not native to that area.

[Chick]

I think that's it. Georgia. You don't think that's fascinating?

[Christy]

By the way, my neighbors hate me.

[Chick]

Any idea why?

[Josh]

Not only my neighbors, but strangers at the grocery will punch me for no reason.

[Christy]

I'm often punched in the. Right in the face.

[Josh]

It really hurts.

[Chick]

You know that my neighbor plays sounds of pornographic movies in the background so it pretends he can pretend his wife is actually moaning.

[Christy]

That's right. And by the way, that Latin accent is not indigenous to the sub suburb in which we live. I hate this person.

[Chick]

No, I think it's interesting the guy, but you would.

[Christy]

This is the kind of thing that you love.

[Chick]

Well, the truth. That's right. I like the truth. Yes, it's the truth. The Masters was lying to you. So CBS was lying.

[Josh]

Hey, if you're gonna entertain me, lie to me.

[Christy]

You lie to us daily.

[Chick]

Yeah, that's different.

[Christy]

I'm in charge. CBS was in charge of the Masters.

[Chick]

Just pump it up a little bit, you know, excitement. I mean, would you want to be watching it and if all of a sudden CBS goes. Because I love the way those guys talk so softly, even though they're there in a tower 4,000 yards away from the guy putting it.

[Josh]

Well, Byron, I for one love, love the golf delivery.

[Christy]

I do, too. I think they do a great job.

[Chick]

But it's. It's just as affected as adding the sound of the. Of birds. Birds. I think it's.

[Tom]

Well, then why do you not. If you don't like the birds, then you shouldn't like that affected.

[Chick]

No, no. I think it's part of the tradition. It's fun. You wouldn't want them to sound like they're doing a horse race. All right, it's Fuzzy Seller in the clubhouse turn. He's got his two iron. Whack. He hits it hard. Oh, that went right in the hole.

[Christy]

Did you see the latest survey about a horse race? A racehorse? One in 50 men say they can outrun a race.

[Chick]

I have. Absolutely ridiculous.

[Josh]

What?

[Chick]

I have the story I've been saving.

[Josh]

Are they confused about how fast their.

[Chick]

Horses they have to be it? Well, I think, as I said the other day, we live in a culture now in a world, I should say, in which people are getting dumber, but they're getting more confident.

[Christy]

Hey, I'm one of those people people.

[Chick]

The confident idiot is everywhere in our world.

[Josh]

Okay. May called Winning brew is the current world record holder for the fastest horse.

[Christy]

Okay.

[Josh]

She clocked in during a race in 2008. 40, 43.97 miles an hour.

[Christy]

I could take her.

[Josh]

I can run that fast as I've.

[Chick]

Offense. You drop me out of an airplane. I'm not going that fast for the first couple hundred yards.

[Josh]

And they have it now in the NFL games. They do this every weekend. Running backs, wide receivers, top speed on the field during a game like 21, 22 miles per hour.

[Christy]

That's astounding.

[Josh]

And that's astounding.

[Chick]

Yeah, here's.

[Josh]

But it's not 45 miles an hour.

[Chick]

This is from a survey. A recent poll reveals 1 in 50 men, as you said, Josh believes they can outrun a champion racer.

[Christy]

No, I'm not talking a loser, guys.

[Chick]

No.

[Christy]

I'm talking about the winner. One of the fastest ones.

[Tom]

Kentucky Derby winners.

[Chick]

Okay, here, I'll read a little.

[Josh]

Big Red's what I'm talking about. Secretariat, baby.

[Chick]

It says 30% of the men responding in the survey said they could outrun a crocodile.

[Christy]

I believe I could.

[Tom]

Well, you do serpentine, right?

[Christy]

They're actually pretty fast though. I think they're very fast for a little bit.

[Chick]

Well, the problem would be the crocodiles would be slipping up the. The. The. The fecal river. That would be coming out of my ass. By the way, here's a surprise, Christie. Women are more likely than men to admit they would lose a race to most non human creatures.

[Josh]

Have ever heard the story about Michael Vick? Michael Vick he was trying to get back into the NFL and he would go around these parties in the Atlanta area and he would race people in the parking lot for money.

[Christy]

For money.

[Josh]

And of course he'd win. He like a 4, 440 or whatever, you know. And he's out there in street shoes. He still run 4, 6.

[Christy]

But what the joker tell us if you're good at something, never do it for free.

[Josh]

That's exactly right.

[Chick]

By the way, a spokesperson that did the survey said people overestimate themselves.

[Christy]

Yeah, that's. And it would be guys, of course.

[Josh]

I wonder what that's like to overestimate yourself.

[Chick]

By the way, I. What did you have for the fastest horse?

[Josh]

What was the.45 miles per hour, give or take?

[Chick]

Usain Bolt.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Chick]

Fastest speed ever recorded was 27.78 miles per hour.

[Josh]

And that is. He still has the record. Yeah.

[Christy]

And that's sustained. Yeah.

[Chick]

And by the way, here's a real short list. Animals that men think they could beat in a 100 meter race.

[Josh]

So now we got a top.

[Chick]

Is bear there on the list?

[Josh]

No, I think I could outrun a bear.

[Christy]

No, I don't have to outrun a bear. I just have to outrun you.

[Chick]

The classics number one. Men think they could outrun a crocodile? I don't think I could.

[Christy]

Does it say the speed of the crocodile?

[Chick]

No.

[Christy]

Okay.

[Chick]

An elephant? No way.

[Christy]

No, no.

[Josh]

Come on. Big fat, slow elephant. Come on.

[Chick]

Hips. You know, Are they fast? A hippopotamus isn't the hippo the. Don't they kill more humans than any other large animal?

[Josh]

I think that's just. That's bad. No, it's bad pr.

[Chick]

Okay. A rabbit. No way. A goat? I don't know. Are goats faster?

[Tom]

I've never seen a goat.

[Chick]

A house cat? Absolutely not. No.

[Josh]

Oh, well, here you go. Tom Peregrine falcon. Top speed. Speed, 200 miles an hour. An animal, 200 miles.

[Chick]

Again, you could drop me from a plane. I wouldn't hit that for you.

[Christy]

Astounding.

[Josh]

A cheetah, 70 miles an hour. Pronghorn antelope. Now they're called that because they have a.

[Chick]

Wrong horn.

[Josh]

Wrong horn. 61 miles an hour. A lion. How fast you think a lion can run? If he means business.

[Christy]

Oh, 70, 50 miles an hour.

[Chick]

You're dead.

[Josh]

A lion.

[Chick]

So again, this. Once again, what this proves is the headline is 1 in 50 men think they can outrun a champion racehorse. That means one in 50 men are idiots. And that's. That's very low. I'd go with. What would you Go with out of men, how many are idiots? Christie?

[Tom]

1 in 20? No.

[Christy]

See, I even have that thing as a man. I know I can't outrun a horse, but somebody asks me, hey, do you think you could outrun a rabbit?

[Chick]

It.

[Christy]

I'm not saying no right away.

[Tom]

You have to think about a second.

[Chick]

I thought I. I thought I could outrun a puppy.

[Christy]

Yesterday, I found out I can't.

[Chick]

Yeah. Yeah. There is a certain. There's a certain age where all of a sudden the puppy realizes I can go that way. Yesterday, he's going that way. Oh, I'm in charge, man. We'll get back to this fascinating survey that proves men are idiots. I'd go with. I'd go with. I don't know, 40 out of 50.

[Tom]

Really?

[Chick]

Yeah. Yeah. Especially after yesterday. I might even go 45 out of 50.

[Tom]

What happened yesterday?

[Chick]

Nothing. I'm just gonna call a friend.

[Josh]

Let's not.

[Chick]

He's connected.

[Josh]

Hey, Chocolate. Chocolate and rugby. Coming up in sports. Same time.

[Chick]

We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios, where you can get parts for your cars or trucks because they'll go faster than you. And we call this the Bob and Tom Show.

[Josh]

There's more of the show coming. Book your next vacation with Christy Lee and Colette. Visit England, Scotland and Wales this September 28th. Visit bobandtom.com for details. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Chick]

Thank you, Chris oconomaki.

[Josh]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show.

[Chick]

Yeah. He's only been here two hours. Not even two hours. But I've already got him. We're here, ready to quit again.

[Josh]

We're here in the Riley Auto Parts Studios. There's Christy Lee. There's Pat Godwin.

[Christy]

Hello.

[Josh]

Hello, Josh.

[Christy]

Chick. Stronger than that.

[Josh]

At the I hate Steven Singer sidekick chair, I coined a new phrase.

[Christy]

What's that?

[Josh]

Mental health day. I'm Chick McGee at the orangeinsouls.com sports desk. And hello, Tom.

[Chick]

I got a letter here from Todd.

[Josh]

Todd is God.

[Chick]

Todd kind enough to write. Right. When somebody was ugly, my dad would always say they're so ugly, they had to put a pork chop bone around his neck just so the dog would play with.

[Josh]

Yep, I've heard that one. Oh, yeah, that's an ugly kid.

[Christy]

Oh, boy.

[Chick]

And we were talking about animals because, Josh, you saw an article that said what?

[Christy]

One in 50 men say they can outrun a champion racehorse, which is so funny.

[Chick]

Yeah, there's a whole list of animals they think they can outrun. Run.

[Tom]

1 in 50 men couldn't outrun the Milkman or the mailman. Come on.

[Chick]

And again, what do we say? The. The.

[Christy]

The milkman.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Well, if they. If they're outrunning the Milkman. Hey, it's 1953.

[Tom]

Express.

[Josh]

No, but, Tom. That's right. You can't outrun the future.

[Chick]

Okay. He certainly can't. Wait a second. Hang on a second.

[Christy]

Time you run out of track.

[Josh]

That really sounds like it means something.

[Chick]

Okay.

[Josh]

A rugby game in France delayed after.

[Chick]

I've always wanted to see this happen.

[Josh]

A stunt parachutist got stuck dangling from the stadium roof.

[Christy]

Oh, yes.

[Chick]

So cool.

[Josh]

I said dangling from the stadium roof. CNN reports the parachutist was part of a pre match ceremony ahead of the European Rugby Champions Cup. Cup. Little help between Toulouse, Toulouse and English club Sale or Soleil or the man, a French army parachutist was attempting to give up, attempting to land on the field when he became entangled in the stadium roof.

[Chick]

I'm not sure if you can see him from the photographs because of all the smoking.

[Josh]

Stadium officials, as well as the Toulouse team lion mascot shot created a makeshift crash mat for the parachutist.

[Chick]

But I have a question.

[Josh]

Not until fire services arrived. He was brought down safely.

[Chick]

So the guy's dangling. I mean, he's way up there.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chick]

And his shoot, he's hanging from the chute and obviously fairly helpless. And they set up like a high jump pit or whatever, pole vault pit thing kind of. They.

[Tom]

I don't know, mattress thing.

[Chick]

But it says that the. As you indicated, the team mascot helped set that up. So my question is, does he leave on whatever, like the lion head?

[Christy]

Oh, you got to stick with the mascot code.

[Chick]

Yeah. Or does he?

[Tom]

It's probably his mat. He probably uses it for his stunts.

[Josh]

Yeah. You can't. You can't take your hat, your head off.

[Chick]

But I think Christie's right. That's exactly correct. I would assume that he has a mat for stunts.

[Tom]

Sure.

[Chick]

So they take it there. So in case the guy does fall. And it was a. It would have been a long fall.

[Tom]

Do they carry. Do you carry a knife with you in case you get in trouble? Would you?

[Christy]

I think paratroopers do.

[Chick]

Yeah. To cut off the main shoe.

[Christy]

But in this case that would have been right.

[Tom]

There he is.

[Chick]

But it doesn't show you in that photograph how high he is.

[Tom]

Wow, man.

[Chick]

It would have, but for the scope of the. The roof.

[Christy]

You can just tell that's a giant arena.

[Tom]

Doesn't look comfortable.

[Christy]

Oh, it's got a sock.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Chick]

I mean, and he's obviously right on the lip of the. He just.

[Josh]

He was so close. So close to it being really something.

[Chick]

Wow.

[Tom]

Well, actually, it's more something now because everybody's talking about it.

[Christy]

Yeah, but you don't want to be known as roof guy.

[Josh]

I always think of who. Who first started that. The mascots at the NBA arenas always rappel down from the roof now or whatever.

[Chick]

Good show.

[Josh]

No, I don't know why you land that. Land on that floor. It's not going to be.

[Chick]

Well, they're professionals. They know what they're doing.

[Josh]

I don't.

[Chick]

I wonder if they cut off beer sales during this. Yeah.

[Christy]

Why?

[Chick]

You know, I get. Was it a rugby match or rugby. Oh, then never mind. They.

[Christy]

You gotta be a riot if you got off.

[Chick]

Yeah, yeah. Terribly sorry. What a stupid thing for me to say. Miss you. I apologize profusely. I. I can run faster than a racehorse. Okay.

[Christy]

Have you guys ever, ever wanted to parachute?

[Chick]

Nope.

[Tom]

Nope.

[Chick]

Nope.

[Josh]

Maybe it was a long time ago.

[Chick]

I used to go to a bar in Deland.

[Josh]

Oh, that's aand.

[Tom]

Why do they call.

[Chick]

Was at the Deland airport, there was a. There was there a lot of parachutists there. And one of the bars has a. The ceiling is an old parachute.

[Tom]

Oh, cool.

[Chick]

And I always thought, wow, one cigarette the wrong way, this place is going up.

[Tom]

That's what you thought?

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Remind me to not go drinking with you. I knew there were a lot of reasons I wouldn't do it, but.

[Chick]

Yeah, it was really a little bar right at the little airport. A lot of parachutists there in Deland.

[Tom]

Why do they call it Deland, Tom?

[Chick]

Well, Christy, when you're parachuting, you look out, you can see D.C. little twist.

[Christy]

On it floating through.

[Josh]

D. They used to do all that stuff. Go up in the blimp, go up in a hot air balloon, all that junk.

[Christy]

I'd like never again. I'll be real scared. I'll be honest. I'll be real, real scared. But I would like to skydive.

[Chick]

And you can do the double thing.

[Christy]

Where I'd still be. I think I'd be. Something about tandem makes me more scared.

[Chick]

Well, you're in front.

[Christy]

I know.

[Josh]

Yeah, but that means you're getting.

[Chick]

It doesn't open. If the chute doesn't open, you're gonna break the fall of the guy. That's your.

[Tom]

It's the whole jumping part. I think once I'm out, I think it'd be awesome.

[Chick]

We don't have a choice. They push you.

[Christy]

When I bungee jumped that Was the hardest part was.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Stepping off the thing.

[Tom]

Right.

[Christy]

Yeah. And I asked the guy go, please push me. And he goes, we're not allowed to.

[Tom]

Oh, they're not.

[Christy]

Yeah, the bun. At least the bungee guy.

[Chick]

And I never did get an explanation as to why back in the day you'd go to any outdoor concert and they'd have the bungee jump out there with the crane and the whole deal.

[Josh]

And then all of a sudden, well, you've answered it.

[Chick]

Is it an insurance?

[Christy]

I think so, yeah.

[Chick]

I mean, they had, you know, some guy. Well, it's a 80 foot drop and a. We gave the guy the 85 foot rope. That guy. Oh, yeah.

[Christy]

Or the insurance was way more costly than what they were making, which is probably more accurate.

[Chick]

Yeah, it's. I just think it's super cool. But I. I don't think I could skydive. Well, first of all, I can't now. But I mean, you can't now legally. Oh, insurance thing. Gotcha.

[Christy]

I think as you got older, the insurance would get more lax. Like, hey, the person's. This isn't you, but the person's 85.

[Chick]

No, it's me. You're looking at me.

[Christy]

No, no, I'm saying you're not 85.

[Chick]

Because you're saying you want me to jump off a plane, have the shoot not open.

[Christy]

No, but I would like to skydive with you. I think we'd have quite an adventure.

[Josh]

I want to throw you out of a plane.

[Chick]

I'd like to see that without the parachute. A friend of mine has done more than a thousand jumps.

[Christy]

Now you're just giving the finger to God.

[Chick]

He's on. On two occasions he had a sort a streamer.

[Christy]

Oh, it's got to be terrifying.

[Chick]

That's where you have to get the backup shooter. Yeah, that's.

[Tom]

Well, at least the backup shoot worked.

[Chick]

Otherwise he wouldn't have been able to tell me the story.

[Tom]

Right. But now a chick and I watched that documentary, what was that called? Fly or something. Oh, it's terrible.

[Josh]

Yeah, like everybody in the documentary is dead now.

[Chick]

Oh, those are the guys in the suits that they have. The flying squirrels are called splat.

[Tom]

It's.

[Chick]

Yikes. Well, what's coming up in sports? Chick McGee, world record.

[Christy]

Yeah, we had three. Sounds like a goodie.

[Josh]

Three world records.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Coming up in the news, spinach ice cream.

[Christy]

Finally.

[Tom]

And a burger that tastes like human flesh.

[Christy]

Oh, boy. Can't wait to eat.

[Chick]

Wait a minute, could we. Do we have anything? Oh, hi. We go. What will make you feel More confident men. We have something for you coming up. Okay. Be ready to be. We're confident. We're men. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios and this is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Josh]

Thanks for listening to the Bob and Tom show this morning. Catch any part of the show you missed later today on our YouTube channel.

[Chick]

Tell you how to win them.

[Josh]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Top show. At the Silac Insurance news desk, it's Christy Lee. There's Pat Godwin.

[Chick]

Hey, Chick.

[Josh]

Josh Arnold at the I Hate Stephen Singer sidekick chair.

[Christy]

Hi there.

[Josh]

We are in the O'Reilly Auto Part Studios. I'm Chick McGee and Tom.

[Chick]

We have a special guest joining us in the studio. Another pack. Patrick. Yeah, it's Patrick Keane. Patrick, it's great to see you again. And you go by Patrick, not Pat.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, that's right. You know, thanks for having me. Good to see you guys too.

[Josh]

I.

[Patrick Keane]

Right when I got out of high school, the It's Pat sketch was on snl. Do we remember that? Julius Sweeney and. And right. That came out and I was like, I'm going with Patrick.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Patrick Keane]

I do not need people thinking I'm ambiguous.

[Chick]

Joke.

[Christy]

Did you hate the sketch or.

[Patrick Keane]

I thought it was funny.

[Josh]

It was cute. She did a great job.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, it is a she, right? Yeah, it was a she. Yeah, she had a great job.

[Chick]

There's a terrific one woman show that she did a few years later that I'm sure is floating around the Internet. Really well done. I would highly recommend it. Once again, the very handsome Patrick Keane is here with us. So I guess we could say we have two handsome Patrick. Why, thank you for saying that. I could tell you we're getting mad. No doing Patrick Keane is out on the road. It's the. It's the. The quad comedy extravaganzo with Willie G, Patrick Keane, Al Jackson and Frank Caliendo.

[Christy]

That's too much comedy. That's a show that's far too much comedy.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, the Kaliendo Cartel is what I'm calling.

[Chick]

Oh, that's better. I wish you told me that before the break. I would have been able to use that.

[Josh]

Last time I saw Patrick, he was in a Henry Phillips video playing a sheriff, I believe.

[Patrick Keane]

Oh, that's right. The Highway Man.

[Josh]

The Highwayman. Yes. Check that out online when you get a chance. It's something.

[Chick]

Yeah. When was the last time we saw you?

[Patrick Keane]

I think it was. I think it was pre covered guys covet and wow.

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Patrick Keane]

I coveted. I tell you, man, next time we get covered from China we need to order it online. It'll be late. It won't fit. We'll have to send it back. It'll get stolen off the porch.

[Chick]

Yeah, but it's going to cost an extra 107%.

[Christy]

But, yeah, we want the TEU car co.

[Patrick Keane]

But I was hitting it off with women who are COVID positive because they don't have any taste. I was like, this works for me.

[Josh]

Okay, there's a little joke, huh?

[Chick]

Are you a single man?

[Josh]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chick]

I've never.

[Patrick Keane]

I've never been married. I've never.

[Chick]

You have a girlfriend? Do you have anything going on with your life?

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, I have. I have someone. I have someone.

[Josh]

Is that right?

[Tom]

I have someone. Huh.

[Chick]

That's ambiguous, but that's okay. Whatever. You're into the world.

[Christy]

Oh, I wouldn't tell us anything either.

[Patrick Keane]

People get weird out. I'm a age. I'm supposed to be divorced twice, you know?

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Or if not three times. Not three.

[Christy]

Yeah, Twice for me.

[Chick]

Is it?

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Chick]

So.

[Patrick Keane]

So I have to lie to make people feel more comfortable. Oh, I'm just kidding. I'm divorced with like six kids. And they're like, oh, that's much better.

[Chick]

Isn'T it? I see. I see. Our guest is comedian Patrick Keane. And you originally from Toledo, Ohio, as I recall.

[Patrick Keane]

That's right. Yeah, I'm originally from Toledo. I'm mixed race.

[Chick]

People.

[Patrick Keane]

People don't really see that in me. My.

[Josh]

My.

[Patrick Keane]

My mom is white from Ohio. My dad's white from Michigan. So, yeah, they met at a Caucasian.

[Christy]

Fusion restaurant, Romeo and Juliet.

[Josh]

The old Toledo strip raises its ugly head again.

[Chick]

Buck Againian. That's the scientific term for it. Well, you're a healthy looking guy. You look like you get occasional amounts of exercise. Well, I mean, a lot of these guys, guys come in, they're big fat loads and I. Oh, sure. It's nice to see someone who's staying in shape.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Patrick Keane]

Thank you very much. You guys look great, too. It is being out there and the dieting is tough. My sister's a physical trainer and she's like, stay on it, stay on it. You know? So she was telling me about cold plunges. I don't know if you guys have noticed.

[Tom]

Oh, yeah, we just had a story about that.

[Chick]

That's a big thing.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, she's just like, gets the heart rate going, builds that immune system, makes you feel young. And I got out of my first cold plunge. I looked down, I was like, that's too young.

[Chick]

Absolutely.

[Patrick Keane]

How far back are we going? This is like 1800 pre birth. Let's.

[Chick]

Yeah, that's. That's scary. We just had an article about that. I'm not sure. I. I don't think it's. I want to do it. I don't think.

[Tom]

I don't want to do that.

[Christy]

I did it once and I. I don't care to do it again. Although I had. I. I felt amazing afterwards.

[Chick]

And we were. This is off topic. Kind of, but we were talking about this Titanic museum, and you were saying they've got a bucket and it's the. The temperature is. Of the water.

[Christy]

Yeah. It's not a bucket, but it's an exhibit where you can reach your head.

[Chick]

Okay.

[Josh]

And it's more of a tiny hub.

[Chick]

Okay.

[Josh]

Well, the larger point is bucket.

[Chick]

It's the temperature of the water that's the salient characteristic of this discussion. And I use the word salient because I heard you. It's salt water. And that's why they can get it below 32 degrees. Right.

[Josh]

That way it won't freeze.

[Christy]

And people can barely. I mean, they don't. They cannot keep their hands in there long.

[Josh]

Salt.

[Christy]

What a challenge.

[Chick]

Okay. Let alone keeping the, you know, wiener, you know, Patrick Keane Jr. Down there. What's going on there? Well, we're going to come back with Patrick in a second, but first we're going to check in with Chick Magee. He has a couple more stories. I understand.

[Josh]

Just one more.

[Chick]

Orangeinsouls.com sports desk.

[Josh]

It's a world record, and it's always embarrassing doing this front of company. Here we go. Cadbury has unveiled the world's largest cream egg.

[Christy]

I'm all for it.

[Josh]

Just in time for Easter. And there's. There are no dimensions other than the weight.

[Chick]

It looks. It looks like an end table.

[Josh]

It looks like an end table.

[Tom]

Okay.

[Josh]

It's not as big as a Volkswagen.

[Tom]

Bug, so it's high as the end of my couch.

[Josh]

There's a place called Cadbury World in Birmingham, England. It will be there until April 27th. Measuring 3ft tall and weighing in at just under 100 pounds, am I the.

[Christy]

Only fan of Cadbury creme eggs in the room?

[Tom]

Yeah, we like caramel ones.

[Josh]

Cadbury caramel eggs raw?

[Christy]

Yeah. No, no. I'm glad they're out.

[Chick]

There's a picture of it.

[Tom]

Well, it doesn't look that bad.

[Josh]

That's ridiculous.

[Chick]

It'd be easy to find in an Easter egg hunt.

[Tom]

Yes.

[Josh]

The guy on the left, his pubic hair's down in there somewhere. You know that, right?

[Christy]

It's got a beard and the yolk.

[Chick]

Really? You think it's pubes or beard?

[Tom]

Dark chocolate cream egg.

[Josh]

The giant what?

[Tom]

A dark chocolate Cadbury cream egg.

[Josh]

Oh. Would you have a calorie. The giant chocolate egg took over two days to make using Cadbury's official cream egg recipe.

[Chick]

All right, thank you very much. Now it's time for us to switch gears here and head over to the Silac insurance news desk with Christy Lee.

[Tom]

A Texas dentist was arrested after he was allegedly caught huffing and driving with 107 canisters of laughing gas in his car.

[Josh]

107?

[Tom]

That's a lot, right?

[Christy]

How many hits off of one canister can you take?

[Tom]

I don't know.

[Josh]

Well, there must be the smaller. Yeah.

[Chick]

Wouldn't you black out?

[Tom]

I mean, never done it, so I.

[Josh]

Don'T know before you do. It's pretty cool.

[Chick]

I mean, I hope he's doing it when he's parked.

[Tom]

KTRK reports that Houston dentist and university professor Christopher Pedler was caught speeding and initially refused to pull over. An Officer reported finding 107 canisters of nitrous oxide in the backseat of his vehicle, while one canister was ice cold and attached to a mask.

[Chick]

Oh.

[Tom]

The officer stated the 39 year old admitted to, quote, inhaling the gas, adding he had been using it all day. Court records indicate that Dr. Pedler has been charged three times since October for possession of nitrous oxide.

[Christy]

I see.

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Christy]

He's got an issue.

[Tom]

He's got a problem.

[Chick]

And I understand he was very surly with the police.

[Christy]

Oh, really?

[Chick]

Yeah, he drove off on a hobbit. Off.

[Christy]

Oh, Patrick, you don't have. Patrick, you don't have to. You certainly don't have to clap.

[Chick]

No, no, we don't condone that, obviously.

[Patrick Keane]

Would laughing gas help at comedy clubs if they plug that in the pipes?

[Josh]

I don't know. There'll be a lot of drooling. I know that.

[Chick]

Well, first of all, it's real tricky stuff.

[Tom]

Have you done. I've never used.

[Chick]

There's no oxygen in it. Oh, I always at the dentist, they have a. They hook it up. Very little oxygen flowing in with the nitrogen.

[Tom]

And if you're just doing straight up nitrous.

[Chick]

Yeah. You could die.

[Josh]

It freeze your lungs is what happened.

[Chick]

But it's. Yeah, it's very dangerous. But I mean, I assume the way he's got it going, if he's got a. Whatever it is, the mouthpiece, I assume it's. It's not attached to his face. Probably would fall away if. If he passes Out. The thing would fall away from his face. But still, I can't. I. You would pass out.

[Tom]

I would think, why did you. Does it make you giggly? Is that why they call it laughing gas?

[Christy]

I don't know why it's misnamed.

[Chick]

It's that you don't get giggles.

[Tom]

Oh, you don't?

[Christy]

No.

[Tom]

Oh, okay.

[Chick]

They say it's like a short LSD trip.

[Josh]

Yeah. People forget it's a. It is a hallucinogen.

[Christy]

Wow.

[Josh]

Nitrous is.

[Chick]

Yeah, but. Wow.

[Tom]

Don't do that.

[Chick]

Yeah. What is it. What's it called? At the grocery store? It's in like. Ready.

[Josh]

Whipped cream.

[Chick]

Whipped cream.

[Christy]

Yeah, the whippets. Yeah.

[Chick]

You know, so you see someone, they've got all this foam coming out of their nose.

[Christy]

Oh, it could be rabid.

[Chick]

You're not. You're not doing it right. Rabies.

[Josh]

Could be rabies.

[Chick]

Maybe this guy was upset about the fact that his team tanked there at the end.

[Christy]

You become a dentist because you like the nitrous or do you start liking the nitrous after being a dentist?

[Tom]

Probably the latter, don't you think?

[Josh]

I don't know.

[Tom]

If you're addicted to nitrous before you become a dentist. Dentist.

[Chick]

You probably not going to get through dental school.

[Tom]

Right, That's.

[Christy]

Well, you gotta.

[Tom]

You know, you gotta want it, I guess.

[Christy]

Hide. Yeah. There are plenty of drunks.

[Chick]

I mean, didn't they start the whole Hazelton thing? Wasn't. Wasn't Hazelton started for drunk doctors?

[Christy]

Oh, I don't know. Minneapolis.

[Chick]

Yeah. Well, didn't they start up for doctors that needed help and. Okay, well, yeah, it's very common.

[Josh]

And now with the history of treatment centers, it's Pat.

[Patrick Keane]

God.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Christy]

Well, I could do a Zagat survey at this point.

[Chick]

Just the ones you. Just the ones you've been to. Pat.

[Josh]

Like a TripAdvisor.

[Christy]

Tell you about the food.

[Josh]

What's the best food?

[Chick]

Oh, thank you very much. We're gonna hang out with our guest comedian, Patrick Keane. Also coming up, Sexy Time with Ali Breen. But right now, it's time to check in your ears with Raycon earbuds.

[Josh]

That's right. Raycon's everyday earbuds. They are perfect for mom on Mother's Day. Ever think of that? Whether she's hitting the gym or taking one of them many phone calls that she has to put on speaker? No, not with raycon. She'll talk right through the Raycons. Everyday earbuds. And the latest model has been upgraded and it's even Better. Raycons now have a 32 hour battery life. Multi point connectivity lets you pair with two devices at once. And she'll never ask you for Bluetooth help again. Raycon's quick charge function, 10 minutes of charging, 90 minutes of battery. And Raycon earbuds active noise cancellation starting at just half the price of other premium audio brands. Raycons everyday earbuds come in all the vibrant colors to match your mom's style so she can get her swerve on. Is that a thing? Still, raycons offers a 30 day happiness guarantee return policy too. So go to buyraycon.com tom and get 20% off site wide for mom. That's Raycon 20% off site wide. Go to buyraycon.com Tom that's buyraycon.com time.

[Chick]

Time for a quick mini quiz. Coming up, the most common items lost in Ubers over the past year. They come out with the list every year. Who wants to guess what the number one item left in an Uber is?

[Christy]

Phone.

[Tom]

Phone.

[Chick]

Phone. Phone is correct. Thank you very much, Tom.

[Christy]

I was going to say baby. It's not baby.

[Josh]

Prosthetic limb. Like a fake arm. Fake leg.

[Chick]

Noxious fart gas. Girlfriend.

[Josh]

Okay, Is my mic on?

[Christy]

Farts count.

[Josh]

You leave a fart in an Uber. I bet you do.

[Chick]

And of course, crop dust here too.

[Christy]

Thanks for the ride.

[Chick]

Take that. We are, we are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Josh]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts studios. Think O'Reilly Auto Parts. For all your car care needs, get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. Hello, Tom.

[Christy]

Yes, we'd be remiss if we didn't mention you. You laid on a reference just now to. I think we're alone now.

[Tom]

Thank you.

[Christy]

Children, behave.

[Chick]

Thank you.

[Tom]

Nobody else got.

[Josh]

That's.

[Chick]

That's.

[Christy]

Is that 50 songs?

[Tom]

Not the Tiffany version. Tommy James and the Sean.

[Josh]

I think we're alone now.

[Tom]

Yeah, Great song.

[Christy]

I don't hate the Tiffany.

[Josh]

What about Crystal Blue Persuade? That's not even.

[Tom]

What about Simpson and Clover?

[Josh]

That's not even the best. Tommy James.

[Chick]

Money, money, money.

[Josh]

You painfully unhip.

[Chick]

What? Is it true that he saw the M O N Y Mutual of New York sign and wrote Moni. Moni.

[Josh]

That's absolutely true.

[Chick]

Okay, very good. Our guest has no idea what's happening. Patrick Keane, handsome young man, stand up comedian, is here with us in the studio. Patrick is part of the, what are you calling it? The quad. What is it?

[Patrick Keane]

The Caliendo Cartel.

[Chick]

The Carly the Cat, The Caliendo Cartel. It's Frank Caliendo, Al Jackson, Willie G, Patrick Keane. They're going to be in Fort Wayne this evening on the road. They're going to be in Fort Wayne tonight at a place called the Summit City. And then it's the Helium on Thursday. And then Friday, Saturday, it's Greater Cincinnati, Liberty Township, Funny bone. Then Sunday fun on the road in Columbus, Ohio. Ohio. You are a Buckeye. You said you grew up in Toledo, Ohio.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Patrick Keane]

You know, Toledo's border town. So there's a lot of Michiganistan fans. Yeah, there's a lot of Wolverine. So the Friday before that game, all the schools the kids dress in, whichever one of those two. And it's funny because you, like, you travel around the country, there's no other rivalry like I, you know, and then I went to high school in Southern California and people said, oh, usc, UCLA is just as big. I'm like, it doesn't touch no real estate. Michigan. Yeah. I mean, and Toledo is almost a Michigan town on that, that, that, right? Battle war.

[Chick]

Yeah, yeah, that's right. We learned all about that. Oh, you did? Oh, that's okay. You're just talking about it last week there was an actual war. No, no blood was shed, though. Is that correct? Did they pick off one guy? Maybe?

[Josh]

Well, to give you an idea, there are Ohio State fans, as I'm talking to you right now, that are. Yeah, we won the national championship, but we lost to Michigan and they will not get over, over that until they can beat him. You wait and see.

[Chick]

And they want the coach out.

[Josh]

Yes. They talk. Yeah, he just won that. Shut up. Fire him. He can't beat Michigan.

[Chick]

Patrick, we established the fact that you are a single male of a certain age.

[Patrick Keane]

That's right. That's right. Single. No, never been married. You know, I, I'm not a, I'm not a father, husband. I do have all the side effects. I'm tired, I'm out of shape, I don't have any money.

[Tom]

Right.

[Patrick Keane]

I yell at other people's children.

[Chick]

So there you go.

[Patrick Keane]

I'm like a dad.

[Josh]

That sounds good, right? That's dead on.

[Tom]

Do you want to get married and have kids?

[Chick]

I don't know.

[Patrick Keane]

That's a good point. I, I, Good question. I, I don't know. I think I'm old enough now to do the sugar daddy thing. Problem is, there's no sugar I haven't saved. Be like a sugar free Daddy.

[Chick]

Splenda.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Splendid. I mean, what. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Unequal. Yeah. These are all good. Now, you have been traveling the world, I understand you are usually do the cruise ships on occasion, yeah, a little.

[Patrick Keane]

The cruise ships. It's tough, though, because you have so many different elements on a cruise ship.

[Christy]

Right.

[Patrick Keane]

You have retirees, you got young college kids. You've got the upside down pineapple people.

[Josh]

Oh, yeah.

[Patrick Keane]

To get all them to laugh at the same thing. Not easy.

[Chick]

Not.

[Patrick Keane]

You know, Pat.

[Chick]

I do.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Chick]

I didn't know the upside down pineapple thing until recently on the door.

[Tom]

Swingers. Swingers.

[Chick]

Wow. Yeah.

[Josh]

I don't see you as being a big.

[Chick]

No.

[Josh]

A force in the swinger community.

[Chick]

And also on the topic of pineapple, there's a restaurant I go to when I order a thing of fruit. I don't want 90 pineapple. Stop it.

[Josh]

What do you want?

[Chick]

I want raspberries, blueberries. The pineapple berries.

[Josh]

What about melon? A nice melon.

[Chick]

Occasionally honeydew.

[Josh]

You can have a little pineapple though, right?

[Chick]

They're tea sticks. I gotta get him to switch to java.

[Christy]

For the most part. Do you like the ships, Patrick?

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the most part. Other than the shows? Other than my shows, but yeah. No, you're traveling, you're eating endlessly. It's funny that you eat that they have those buffets because you'd think, like, you need to stay afloat. But you eat those buffets, the ship gets further, further.

[Chick]

Go crazy.

[Christy]

I had no idea it worked like that.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Patrick Keane]

You leave as a ship, you come back to port as a submarine, and.

[Chick]

You'Re not allowed to. What's the word?

[Tom]

Fratinize with the guests, hang out with.

[Chick]

Depends on the actual. Yeah.

[Josh]

Bang the help, I think, is what.

[Chick]

On Carnival you can't bang the help. But do you have like a separate. Is there like a little nightclub just for the staff?

[Patrick Keane]

Yes, there is a crew bar.

[Chick]

Can you.

[Josh]

Gray.

[Patrick Keane]

Very gray area. And I think it's almost like you get punished if you get caught. Oh, just don't get caught.

[Christy]

A lot of guys are real sneaky about it.

[Chick]

Yeah. Have you ever had a. Yeah. Doing.

[Patrick Keane]

Doing some of the things that I've done. Yeah. Yeah. Naturally things happen, you know, on the high seas.

[Chick]

Sure, Patrick.

[Josh]

You can't stop international waters out there.

[Christy]

On the chop, anything.

[Chick]

So some of these things are still perfectly legal. If you're right 20 miles off, people know how to stay out of the cameras. Yeah. Oh, hey, speaking of offshore and illegal, did you see this Marijuana survey. This is kind of an interesting story. We like to look at these various studies. Cannabis in the news all the time now because it's legal and what is it, 20? I can never remember where it's legal anymore.

[Tom]

But new study suggests cannabis use significantly reduces sexual function in men. Researchers found men who regularly use cannabis reported lower sexual satisfaction, lower sexual desire and more erectile dysfunction.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Tom]

Cannabis users also struggled with sexual. Struggled with sexual esteem and elevated sexual related depression. Chronic use has been linked to lower testosterone levels, vascular problems and disruptions in brain regions that regulate sexual function.

[Chick]

Interesting. I'm surprised they haven't come up with some way to counter that. Maybe like a combination of Cialis and thc.

[Christy]

You know thc, Alice.

[Chick]

Oh, you got it right there. Thc, Alice. It makes you. What? How do I word this? Delicately?

[Tom]

I don't know how.

[Christy]

High and hard one.

[Josh]

High and horny.

[Chick]

You're killing it, Josh. That's perfect. The kush for your bush. There you go. Thank you.

[Patrick Keane]

Something's coming. I mean somebody. Well, something is this.

[Chick]

I don't smoke pot. Is this a thing though? I mean, is this like the equivalent of whiskey dick?

[Christy]

I think this is more long term.

[Tom]

Oh, is it?

[Christy]

Yes, from what I've read it is. Yeah.

[Tom]

I am not a usual. I don't know because I've never.

[Chick]

So.

[Tom]

Because I've never been with a man who uses a lot of marijuana and. And I've.

[Chick]

That you know of.

[Tom]

Well, that's true.

[Chick]

Andy has many secrets.

[Tom]

Oh, God. Andy's the last.

[Christy]

You mean the. TO Captain?

[Chick]

That's what we call him. Yeah.

[Christy]

I mean, where he.

[Chick]

Where is he? It's 4am Andy.

[Josh]

You mean. Are you. Are you talking about Chief Big Bong? Smoke him. Peace pipe.

[Chick]

What you're saying, Josh, is this is an issue if you get super hot high. It doesn't mean that it might affect you then.

[Christy]

But this is more long term.

[Chick]

Use it over the long term.

[Tom]

Regular user like every.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chick]

Okay. It's not like Bong Dong or something.

[Christy]

Might be a thing.

[Josh]

He's got a new movie out, Mickey 17. It's really good.

[Christy]

Oh no, that's Bong. Who June or whatever.

[Josh]

Yeah, sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, you're right. When you're right, you're right.

[Chick]

Yeah. Robert Pattinson, a great little actor that's tanking everywhere. If you're just joining us. Hold. Hello. This is the Bavatom show coming to you from the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. We're visiting with Christy Lee over there at the Silac Insurance news desk.

[Tom]

Well, thank you for visiting. I enjoy that.

[Chick]

Our guest in the studio is the very handsome Patrick Keane. Patrick, you said your parents. One from Michigan, one from Ohio.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Now you're living in Arizona. I'm living in Arizona. I got all that. I got all that. Are you of Irish heritage, I assume with a name like that.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, I grew up Irish. I'm not practicing anymore.

[Christy]

Oh, okay. Put the bottle down.

[Patrick Keane]

But, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When we used to, like, you know, whenever our dad caught us drinking beer as kids, we were only punished if it was non alcoholic. You guys.

[Christy]

Yeah, that's an Irish family. Oh, yeah, that's way. Oh, you're quite.

[Patrick Keane]

We have a reputation to uphold, you.

[Chick]

Know, like, this is.

[Patrick Keane]

You kids are out of here.

[Chick]

It's a well earned one. Now what, you went to high school though, in San Diego?

[Patrick Keane]

In Santa Margarita. Carson Palmer just got named our high school football coach out there. So he's. He's coaching our old high school team there and. Yeah, raised in the suburbs. And a lot of suburban fathers, you guys know this. A lot of suburban fathers think their kids are going to the pros and it's not happening. And it's like, yeah, your son's in the wrong end zone pretending he's an airplane, you know, playing with, you know, playing with dandelions. I don't think he's going to play in the NFL. My dad did his part. He was a big guy who's athletic. But if you want a son in the big leagues, you need to marry a big farm girl or a tough inner city girl or a big, tough South Pacific island woman.

[Chick]

Absolutely.

[Patrick Keane]

When you marry a sweet little Irish girl who likes musicals, your son might turn out to be a misshapen standup comedian.

[Chick]

Yeah, I see, I see a very good, Very good from you. Thank you. Patrick Keane is our guest. I turn over that way.

[Tom]

May I ask a question? What was your high school team name? The Santa Margarita Eagles.

[Patrick Keane]

Because there's mountains there and there's Eagles.

[Tom]

Not the Pinot Grigio.

[Patrick Keane]

Oh, that would have been great.

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Now, did you go to one of those LA high schools that had the outdoor lockers?

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, we had outdoor lockers.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Josh]

That is so weird.

[Chick]

It's like now the malls are that way in California in some place. Lockers.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Cool. Every TV show. Don't they use the same school for every TV show?

[Christy]

It's always.

[Josh]

Well, tell me. I can record one show and watch another. I don't know what you're talking about when you say outdoor lockers. I don't get it. You had indoor lockers, right? You're a good Ohio boy, just like me.

[Chick]

Inside here, of course.

[Christy]

Oh, yeah. Locks would freeze.

[Josh]

Absolutely. Right?

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Josh]

All right.

[Chick]

I had to wear a coat and tie all through high school.

[Josh]

Oh, speaking of that, I bet you did, you privilege. Sorry. My fault.

[Tom]

A new poll shows that wearing more dressy attire can give the average man a confident confidence boost.

[Josh]

Is that right?

[Tom]

Commissioned by Generation Tux, the Talker research survey of American men revealed that on the average man feels nearly 70% more confident when sporting their best suit or tuxedo.

[Chick]

70%.

[Patrick Keane]

That's a huge amount.

[Josh]

Could I.

[Chick]

Could I once again say, consider the source? Generation Tux. Yeah, first of all, great name. Oh, that is a great name. And this is. Obviously, this is the season for tuxedo rental. Tuxedo rental is a big prom, weddings, everything.

[Christy]

Yeah, Generation Talk sounds like the age you get. Hemorrhoids. Oh, he's part of Generation Talks.

[Josh]

Yeah, I bet that does feel. If you've got that hemorrhoid. Soothing. Cool.

[Tom]

Or after you've had a baby.

[Chick]

Is there an age component to roids?

[Josh]

I think so. Just everything's been around long enough.

[Chick]

You ever had them?

[Josh]

Gravity takes its toll. No, thankfully, I have not.

[Chick]

Fat. Never had him, Joshi.

[Christy]

No, I've had an anal fissure. Yes. I got an anal fish.

[Josh]

Everybody get comfortable.

[Christy]

I know fisherman. Yeah. I'm an anal fisher. I like to put treble hooks up there.

[Josh]

Now. I had a. I don't know how.

[Christy]

I got the anal fisher. And I asked and. And they said it just happens.

[Chick]

Begging.

[Christy]

I've never been pegged.

[Josh]

I had a. I had a fistula on my tailbone.

[Chick]

Yeah. Oh, dear. That's.

[Josh]

Would you like to hear about that?

[Chick]

I hope they ease the in.

[Christy]

I'm Count Fistula.

[Josh]

It's an ingrown hair that they found when I was a senior in high school.

[Tom]

That had to hurt.

[Josh]

They had to sew me back up. I had two holes.

[Chick]

Wow. Wow.

[Josh]

Two holes. No way.

[Christy]

We have to do Count Fistula for holiday.

[Chick]

Okay, we can do that now, but. So the point of the survey is if you're wearing fancier clothes, you. You behave better.

[Christy]

I disagree.

[Tom]

You feel more confident.

[Christy]

I feel way less confident when I'm.

[Tom]

Saying It's really surprising. 85% said they know the difference between a suit and a tuxedo. 15% of men don't know the difference.

[Patrick Keane]

That's.

[Christy]

That's about right.

[Chick]

I'm sure a lot of. A lot of guys never have to get dressed up at all.

[Tom]

All right. One in five men admit they don't feel confident about knowing how to tie a necktie. And 50 said they cannot tie a bow tie. That's really hard.

[Christy]

I can't either.

[Chick]

I. I have a fake bow tie. Yes, I have a clip on.

[Josh]

I'm bow tie.

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Now, I don't own any clip on neckties, but you guys know I am a big proponent of them.

[Tom]

10% of the people surveyed do.

[Chick]

I am not. I don't know.

[Christy]

You cannot tell the difference.

[Chick]

When I went to high school, the first day there, they walk around and they grab your tie and yank it. And there was one guy had a fake tie on.

[Christy]

The preppy bully.

[Chick]

Worse. Oh, no, there isn't. Yeah, try. Try having no pubic hair. You wonder why I hate athletes. There you go.

[Josh]

Hey, pig. Get over here.

[Chick]

Yeah, I looked like Patrick Keane after he got out of the.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Chick]

The cold tub, you know? Okay. But, yeah, I can tie a regular tie, obviously.

[Christy]

Sure, sure.

[Tom]

But not obviously. A lot of men can't. I bet.

[Chick]

I just had to wear one for something. And it took me five or six tries. I kept having the yes back part a little too low.

[Christy]

I was gonna say I never nailed it first time. Never ever.

[Chick]

But I love it in the movies where the guy does that. Takes a pair of scissors and cuts it off. Hey. Got it. Now we're good.

[Josh]

No. What is that, a Stooges movie? I don't think anybody.

[Christy]

Yeah, Harpo Marks.

[Chick]

Oh, it's the best.

[Josh]

What?

[Chick]

Yeah. And of course, I have a couple of Jerry Garcia ties, which of course ties into our theme today, which is the song Direwolf.

[Josh]

Yeah, let's get back to that.

[Tom]

Are you familiar with Direwolf?

[Josh]

Hi. Welcome to hell. This is our theme song.

[Chick]

Know this, Patrick?

[Patrick Keane]

I don't know this one.

[Josh]

Of course not. No one alive.

[Chick]

Here's the hook right now. Don't murder me. Jerry Garcia and Robert Hunter wrote that one for the Grateful Dead. And the dire wolf is in the news because some corporation is doing the CRISPR genome splicing or whatever the hell is, and they're creating new diet.

[Tom]

I think we are alone now, Josh.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Chick]

Sorry. So would you wear a clip on tie then, Josh?

[Christy]

I. I don't, but I think we. I think they should be socially acceptable. They. Look, if you had a lineup of 10 guys and they're all wearing neckties, you could not pick out the guy who was wearing the clip on.

[Chick]

You couldn't.

[Josh]

They're fantastic.

[Chick]

You have a clip on ascot is that correct?

[Josh]

Yes, of course. Absolutely.

[Christy]

That's from the Charles Nelson Riley line.

[Josh]

It's in the same box as my cigarette holder.

[Chick]

Is anybody trying to.

[Tom]

Smoking jacket?

[Josh]

Percy Dove tonsils is what I like to go by.

[Chick]

Is there a contemporary actor that is trying to pull off the ascot?

[Josh]

I don't think so.

[Chick]

Peter Bogdanovich, the director, did it a lot.

[Tom]

I think Ascot looks very cool.

[Chick]

Cool, really?

[Tom]

Very European. Very cool.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Christy]

I've always wanted to look like Mr. Furley.

[Josh]

Oh, yeah.

[Christy]

Paul Lynn on the bend. Okay, Mr. Paul Lynn, while we have you here, I did have a question for you. Where is the Sistine Chapel located? Right next to the 15th Chapel. That's Paul Lindford.

[Josh]

Oh, Paul.

[Chick]

Now, you drove Paul in around Players, right? Columbus, Ohio. I drove him around.

[Christy]

He had issues. Issues with drinking, so they didn't want.

[Chick]

To have him get another doi. So it was my job.

[Christy]

Will you please tell the story of. There was an aroma and he. He claimed. And you can use the V word.

[Chick]

Okay.

[Christy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was. I was taking him.

[Chick]

I got him off the plane and. You got. You took him from there. You didn't get him off on the plane. I'm sure that for. You were desperately an actor. Well, just this one time, Windows.

[Christy]

Took.

[Chick]

Him to this horrible Volkswagen. I had him and his partner, and they had two dogs with them. And I drive them to Columbus across from the. The Neil house was. It was where the. The show was at. There's a trailer behind the theater. And I get him to the trailer. It has been clean.

[Christy]

Henry Winkler was there the week before, and it's filthy. It's just stuff everywhere. And he comes into the trailer and it goes. It smells like vagina, I think.

[Chick]

Paul in. Ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, I can't find. I'm trying to find contemporary actors who wear an ascot. All I've got is the late Cary Grant and the late Fred Astaire, and.

[Tom]

Both of them were very cool.

[Chick]

Yeah. But it's a tough look to pull off, no.

[Christy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Patrick Keane]

No George Clooney or anything. I'm trying to say.

[Christy]

I know you would kind of think.

[Tom]

Maybe Drew Hastings do that for.

[Chick]

Well, there we go. He's got good fashion.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Christy]

You're right.

[Chick]

Here we go. We go. Prince Charles apparently wears one. And Ryan Gun Gosling.

[Tom]

There you go.

[Chick]

Has been known to wear an ascot.

[Josh]

Huh?

[Chick]

Oh, okay, so. And David Beckham.

[Tom]

Okay. And you're gonna say David Beckham isn't cool. Come on.

[Josh]

No, he's not.

[Chick]

He wears it to cover up the over tattooing. That he did.

[Josh]

It's just because of his voice.

[Chick]

Yes, I. I do wear it.

[Josh]

This is my real voice. I was quite the soccer player in my day.

[Chick]

Mouse. Okay, time now to educate you, folks. Josh, you got a. You got a pen? There we go right here. You know what this is?

[Christy]

I do.

[Chick]

Patrick Keane, I'll explain this to you. This looks like a Keurig cup. It is not. It's just a little bit bigger. You could kind of maybe drop a golf ball into this. This is from Java House, the official coffee, official beverage of the Bob and Tom show. This happens to be Columbia medium roast. I'm actually drinking black tea right now. And the beauty of this is you don't have to put it in a machine that's all dirty and full of all kinds of spirochetes and germs.

[Christy]

It takes eight minutes.

[Chick]

No, it's. You just. It's peel and pour. So if you want it hot, you put it in hot water, or if you want it cold, you put it in cold water. And they've even got stuff for Christy Lee.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Chick]

For that post workout. Workout. Yeah.

[Tom]

The energy drinks are really nice.

[Chick]

And it's from Java House. And what. This is going to revolutionize the coffee room at your office or on the job. You can keep these in the back of your car, and they're very, very handy, and I certainly recommend them. And like I said, it is the official coffee of the Bob and Tom show. Now, what's that code word?

[Patrick Keane]

Josh?

[Christy]

That code word is Bob and Tom. You're going to get 25% off your order when you type that [e-mail]. that's javahouse.com promo code. Bob and Tom, all one word. Java House. Again, the official coffee and refreshments of the Bob and Tom Show. Break up with your Keurig machine. And actually, there's a video out there, if you'd like to see. See it, of me having to do that. I break up with my.

[Chick]

Do admit in the video that your favorite is the cocoa.

[Christy]

I don't get into. I felt.

[Chick]

Is this off air? Josh, am I allowed to say that you like the cocoa more than you like everything else?

[Christy]

Oh, it's. Their hot cocoa is honestly the finest I've ever had. It's really great.

[Chick]

Yeah, it's Java house revolutionizing coffee, etc. Including the hydration drinks or energy drinks. Check it out and use that code. Bob and Tom, one big, long word. We're hanging out with Patrick Keane. He is part of the nuclear Frank Caliendo. What Was it again, Patrick?

[Patrick Keane]

The Caliendo Cartel.

[Chick]

Would you please write that down? Do you think I am?

[Josh]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[Chick]

The Caliendo Cartel. It's Willie G. Happy a day after the birthday Willie. Yes. And it's Al Jackson and of course, Frank Caliendo and Mr. Patrick Keane, great stand up comedian. It's always a great pleasure to see you, Patrick. No, get out. No, we're going to ask you to stay nice. I'm just kidding. I want to make him feel like family by being mean to him.

[Tom]

All right, well, you're doing a great job.

[Chick]

I might just get an ascot. I've got. Put four knots in it and pull it out of my. These are the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios, and this is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Josh]

Just got to get a hold of us. Call fax, mail or email. Get all the contact information you [e-mail]. this is the Baba Tom Show Show. Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. Pat Godwin, Christy Lee, Josh Arnold. I'm Chick mcgee. Hello, Tom, we have a guest. We have a special guest.

[Chick]

Are you related to the famous cartoonist.

[Patrick Keane]

Was it Bill that did Family Circus?

[Josh]

Yeah, Bill Keane. It's spelled the same.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, it is spelled the same, I believe. Yeah, yeah.

[Christy]

Ever funny, the Family Circus.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Kind of sweet.

[Chick]

Loved it.

[Christy]

Yeah, it was. It was just sort of of.

[Chick]

Sort of a Smiler 1 pager. Yeah.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, I feel like that And Peanuts were the first two comics. Like, if you're going through the comic section, remember those were the first two, I feel like.

[Chick]

And yeah, but Peanuts has really survived.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chick]

There's a huge Peanuts promotion right now at Starbucks. And every. I was seeing this other day. Every year they have the. What is it? The. The which dead people make the most money. And every year, Charles Schultz is number one.

[Patrick Keane]

That's unbelievable.

[Chick]

Charles. The Peanuts, all these years.

[Tom]

Yeah. Good luck.

[Patrick Keane]

He passed away right after he released the last. He passed away like the next day.

[Chick]

It's. Peanuts are still out there. And usually Elvis is on the list or Marilyn Monroe or whatever. But yeah, Peanuts. And there. There's a whole thing they're doing at Starbucks with. I read about it. I haven't been there, but you can get some kind of $40.

[Tom]

Yeah, that story somewhere or something is there.

[Christy]

Is the great Jim Davis still alive?

[Chick]

Yes.

[Christy]

Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah. I've always wondered if there was a cartoonist's convention, like a weekend or something where they would all get together.

[Josh]

What kind of pencils are you using?

[Christy]

Well, right, right, exactly.

[Chick]

Yeah. But I'm Going to be fun. I mean, those, the ladies and gents that do that probably don't get much of a chance to get together.

[Christy]

Exactly. And they would just talk about.

[Chick]

Remember, Chick, you. We'd all go to those radio things and look at guys and realize how we could look down on them, but.

[Christy]

They would also kind of tease each other. Yeah, yeah.

[Josh]

Regular radio clown like Charles Schultz would.

[Christy]

Walk up the gym dam. So does that your cat still hate Mondays? Oh, really? That one, huh?

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Gary Larson doing something weird in the corner.

[Chick]

Well, he's a genius.

[Tom]

It's a dying art, isn't it? Cartoonists.

[Christy]

It's what?

[Tom]

A dying art.

[Christy]

You know, I hope not. But yes, in a way.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Christy]

I mean, you can just type in something into AI now, but I, you know, hopefully that doesn't happen.

[Chick]

You should subscribe to the New Yorker. You get a cartoon every week.

[Tom]

Oh, I. Very well aware.

[Christy]

Humorless. What do you mean?

[Chick]

Are you kidding me?

[Christy]

I, I. You're not one of those. You. I, I've never taken.

[Josh]

We denied the pig a bank loan.

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Christy]

I'm not one of those guys that. Have you seen the latest New Yorker cartoon?

[Chick]

I would never mention it to you.

[Josh]

He, he is one of those guys. Yeah.

[Chick]

I never mentioned it to anybody, but only one time I ever mentioned it was that the obituary cartoon, which is my favorite of all time.

[Christy]

Well, that one at least has a joke in it.

[Chick]

Of course, most of them are very.

[Christy]

Most of them are comedically impenetrable.

[Chick]

Well, there. If you've cracked open a book, maybe you'd get them.

[Christy]

I don't know.

[Chick]

I'm sorry. Maybe they don't open it up. When you have that birthday party for Stalin every year. Let's get over to our guest.

[Christy]

You leave my politics.

[Chick]

Sing the Internationale for us, won't you, Josh?

[Josh]

Good for the workers, good for the community.

[Chick]

Stuff is my stuff.

[Josh]

That's right.

[Christy]

That's right. You got to teach the proletariat.

[Chick]

Okay, Patrick Keane is our guest and he's really regretting getting up tonight. It's Fort Wayne, Indiana, right? You're going to be in Fort Wayne.

[Patrick Keane]

It's so funny. You guys know the schedule so much better than any of the comics. Comics never know. They're just like pointing me to the stage.

[Chick]

But you'll at least get there, right? With Haywood Banks on more than one occasion, I've gotten that phone call. Hey, you want to dinner? What are you doing in town? Oh, I thought I had a gig there. It turns out it's next week. Okay. Come on over. But see, you're not that dumb. Not that you ever missed a boat because you're doing that. All those cruise ship things.

[Patrick Keane]

That's true. Doing a lot of cruise ships. Never missed a ship. Wanted to.

[Chick]

Oh, man. Pat has told me they will go to incredible lengths to make sure you guys get there on time. I missed one. Their fault. It was terrible.

[Patrick Keane]

Did they?

[Josh]

It was their fault.

[Chick]

Don't they on occasion fly people in and off the planes? They did with me on the boats. On a helicopter. 3. No, not a helicopter, but three days.

[Christy]

Of traveling to get to the, to get to the ship.

[Tom]

Oh, you met the ship while it was.

[Christy]

Yeah, because it took off early.

[Chick]

What was your favorite ship? A Royal Caribbean is mine. Any particular vessel?

[Christy]

Oh, geez.

[Chick]

The Oasis of the Seas. Those three big ones. The. The big ones. The allure of the seas. How big is the stage? Stage area? It's actually more like a comedy stage. It's tinier.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Patrick Keane]

Oh, they do it like a little. It's not a huge.

[Chick]

They do a show every day because.

[Christy]

They'Ll have huge places in there, right?

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, the auditorium thing. And it's a tough room to fill because that's a lot of laughter. Just escapes into the room instead of those low ceilings.

[Chick]

Is there a particular crowd that's usually drunk? Is there like a, you know, I don't know, midnight Friday night, they have boost packages.

[Christy]

So typically they can be pretty liquored up.

[Patrick Keane]

That's the thing is you have drunks, but then you also have these, you know, 80, 90 something year old couples that are tea totalers. And so you're like, how can I. How am I possibly supposed to tell jokes that connect with both groups, you know?

[Chick]

Yeah. You remember penises, Dolores? I'm going to tell a few jokes about them. Folks over here, you folks over here, take your hands off them for just a second.

[Patrick Keane]

It's a seven wheelchair minimum.

[Josh]

It's.

[Patrick Keane]

It's some of those, some of those rooms.

[Chick]

No, if you were gonna. If someone said, hey, I want to go on a cruise, what's the best place to go?

[Patrick Keane]

Oh God, I, I love Alaska.

[Josh]

I was just gonna say. Everybody says.

[Chick]

Every comedian says that.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Because you're just.

[Patrick Keane]

I mean, and you're in the States. You can get on your phone, you're in the States and you just kind of go along the coast and you're just, you're swept to what? You're just. It's so beautiful up there.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Patrick Keane]

The mountains, ocean.

[Christy]

Oh, I've gotta Just like.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, you're like In a old movie. It's like from when you're a kid did. It's just beautiful.

[Chick]

I want to take that train across Canada.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Tom]

Oh, that'd be cool.

[Chick]

Then maybe then get on that cruise. That'd be great. That'd be great. Now we have time for Christy to do a very short story. What have you got over there? At the SILAC insurance news desk, a.

[Tom]

Team of scientists has designed a splash free urinal. They have calculated when the flow of urine hits the urinal surface at 30 degrees or less.

[Josh]

I bet it's not.

[Tom]

Splashback is greatly reduced.

[Chick]

Wait a minute.

[Josh]

Huh?

[Chick]

Let's read that sentence again.

[Josh]

Not a limitation. Greatly reduced.

[Tom]

When the flow of urine hits the urinal surface at a 30° or less angle, splashback is greatly reduced.

[Chick]

It took a team of scientists to figure that out.

[Tom]

Took a team. Tom. Team of scientists.

[Christy]

But this is not saying urinal cake or urinal mat. This is the urinal surface itself.

[Tom]

They created two designs, Josh, dubbed Cornucopia and Nautilus that have correct imaging angle to capture urine without splashing back.

[Chick]

Nautilus. What are. Your shoe is going underwater. Did you ever go to a place that has those? There's a place downtown that has those. The urinals from with the hole in the wall? Yeah. No, 100 years ago. That's a glory hole, Josh. They have the ones that go all the way to the ground.

[Patrick Keane]

Yes.

[Chick]

The floor rather.

[Tom]

Why did they do that?

[Josh]

Like a million dollars worth of porcelain.

[Chick]

Yeah. I don't know why someone didn't say, you know something, that seems like a lot of work. Even a two year old can get it a little bit higher.

[Josh]

Now those are splash free, I would think though.

[Chick]

No, you're getting all of your shoes.

[Tom]

According to the researchers, if the 56 million urinals in public restrooms in the United States were replaced with this Nautilus one, it would prevent nearly 265,000 gallons of urine from splashing onto the floor each day.

[Chick]

So completely ridiculous statistic.

[Christy]

What do you mean? They did the numbers they crossed.

[Chick]

So we're going to start replacing every urinal so that this dumb statistic could be. I say we should all go off bridges, men. Well, you like stop using urinals, go outside.

[Christy]

You know what the disappointment is about being off a bridge or any really hot. The stream tends to fall apart.

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Christy]

If it stayed a full stream all the way down.

[Chick]

Oh, can you imagine standing in the Mackinaw Bridge with 12 guys and hitting some sloop as it goes under underneath. Hey, you Lost the Chicago to me.

[Christy]

This is nature's way of making sure we're not just peeing off the highest buildings.

[Tom]

You guys are crazy.

[Chick]

I'm just sorry that these scientists working on, I don't know, maybe a cure for cancer, not how to make your urine splash less.

[Christy]

Yeah, they have the cure for cancer.

[Josh]

The government won't give it to us. They got cars that run on water, too. They don't want us.

[Chick]

I. A buddy who had a. Found it.

[Josh]

Damn right. Sons of.

[Christy]

You sold a story to the National Treasure producer.

[Chick]

I missed the days of the cigarette and the Urals. He had some name for it.

[Christy]

I do, too. Sink the Cigarette was one of the funnest games, and I always felt bad for girls.

[Josh]

Sink the Cigarette.

[Tom]

We didn't get to play.

[Christy]

Sometimes I like playing Peel the. Peel the wet toilet paper off the side. Oh, yeah, that's fun, too. Have you. Do you guys ever play see if you can get the. The entire surface to be bubbles? What? Sometimes you urinate and it's so many bubbles.

[Chick]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom]

You're drinking a lot of beer.

[Chick]

No, no, no, no. You take a straw. Straw. You bend over.

[Josh]

All right.

[Chick]

Okay.

[Josh]

Well, as usual, you've pissed on our fun.

[Chick]

I can tell you.

[Josh]

Right back.

[Chick]

I'm so sorry, guys.

[Josh]

We'll be right back.

[Chick]

We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Josh]

This is the Bob and Tom show. Text us at 888-26-2866. One more Bob and Tom next. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. From the SILAC Insurance news desk, it's Christy lee.

[Tom]

Hi, Jake McGee.

[Josh]

There's Jessica Alsman. She's here. Hello. There's Josh Arnold.

[Christy]

Can we start doing that. That thing they do on News now? While we're discussing this hour?

[Tom]

Oh, yes.

[Josh]

No, he's at the I hate Steven Singer sidekick chair. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Hello, Tom. We have a special guest.

[Chick]

Comedian Patrick Keane is here with us. Handsome single man. Handsome single man. There you go.

[Christy]

Special K, they call him.

[Chick]

That's right.

[Josh]

Wow.

[Patrick Keane]

Thank you, guys. All kinds of nicknames today.

[Chick]

Did you have a nickname when you.

[Patrick Keane]

No.

[Josh]

Bugs, but.

[Patrick Keane]

Because my teeth. Frank makes fun of my teeth, too. But I've got teeth bugs, so I have big teeth. I have big.

[Josh]

Oh, you say?

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, like the microphone gets smaller when I walk up to people.

[Chick]

But they're not. They're not buckers or anything. I mean.

[Patrick Keane]

No, they're not.

[Chick]

They're conveniently buckers.

[Josh]

Where did you Pick that up. Instead of saying buck teeth or whatever, you say buckers.

[Chick]

I've always said buckers.

[Josh]

I know it's wrong. It doesn't mean anything.

[Chick]

I can remember.

[Josh]

No one else says that.

[Chick]

My buddy Pete would always say, check out the buckers on that pizza, jackass.

[Josh]

Plain and simple. Pete's to blame.

[Chick]

All right, I'm just saying our guest does not have buckers.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, the. The dentist appointments take a long time because you got a lot of surface area to clean. So by the time I'm done with my cleaning, I'm due for the next clean.

[Josh]

Yeah, it's like the Chicago Skyway under control construction. Yeah.

[Chick]

Do you rotate your toothpaste like I do?

[Patrick Keane]

Oh, yeah, I mix it up. Yeah, I like to mix it up. And I rotate toothbrushes. There's a lot of people in the rotation.

[Chick]

I got three different types of toothbrushes. Got all kinds of different toothpaste. Oh, yeah. How about you, Josh?

[Christy]

And they still look that bad?

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Christy]

I have one toothbrush. It's a great. It's one of, you know, one of those Sonicare. Terrific.

[Josh]

They're dingy.

[Christy]

Dingy.

[Josh]

Your teeth are dingy.

[Christy]

Oh, yeah. No, they. No, yeah, yeah, go.

[Patrick Keane]

You guys love each other.

[Chick]

It's.

[Josh]

Shut up, King.

[Tom]

Normal looking teeth, not bright white like Hollywood all time.

[Chick]

Do you remember the controversy in the NFL this fall?

[Tom]

What?

[Josh]

Oh, this from someone who doesn't know about sports, let alone the NFL. Yes, Tom. What was the controversy about?

[Chick]

One of the announcers and his teeth were way too shiny. Remember this?

[Christy]

They were insanely white. Yes.

[Chick]

Yeah. No, no, it was Joe Buckers. What's his name? The guy who brought. Brother has the long. I'll think of it. The Ryan brothers.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Remember that?

[Josh]

Oh, Rex Ryan has white teeth. Yeah.

[Chick]

No, but they look like they were neon for a couple weeks and people were commenting about it.

[Josh]

Yeah, people are talking. Yeah, that's right.

[Chick]

No, you shouldn't complain because you can't see your teeth.

[Josh]

You might not even think I have teeth. You never.

[Chick]

See. You got to go like this. Or if people even see them.

[Josh]

Just shut up. We're gonna fist fight here any minute.

[Chick]

Well, I don't worry about hitting the teeth.

[Josh]

Have you ever gotten hit in your mouth by your mom from the front seat? Oh, boy.

[Chick]

Well, you're in the back seat.

[Josh]

She leans over. Oh, man.

[Christy]

A lip leader.

[Josh]

Boy, oh, boy.

[Chick]

Yeah, Patrick. It's an interesting show chick had a terrible childhood. I had a good one. And we had. That's kind of a ying yang.

[Patrick Keane]

Okay. No, it's perfect balance.

[Josh]

That's what it is, a perfect balance.

[Chick]

No. So we don't talk about that all the time. We talk about the things in the news. Are you. Do you follow the news at all.

[Christy]

What we're discussing this hour?

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, yeah, I think, you know, because naturally you have to like comics travel so much. We perform in every type of market, every demographic, socioeconomic group, all that stuff.

[Josh]

So I think.

[Patrick Keane]

I think comics should be encouraged to talk about the stuff. But you follow it and it can't get down. And you're like, oh, wow, the world's gone to hell, but. And gotten so violent. But I don't think the world ever got violent. There's no God. The world's been violent since the beginning. Cain killed Abel.

[Chick]

Right.

[Patrick Keane]

The third person on the planet killed the fourth person. We weren't even able to make it to three people before somebody was. At one time. A third of the people on the planet were murdered. A third of the people in the hood aren't murderers. A third of the people who own guns aren't murders. A third of the people in jail aren't even murders. San Quentin, Folsom Prison and Alcate are safer than the book of Genesis.

[Chick]

True enough.

[Josh]

You're right.

[Patrick Keane]

You thought Compton and Baghdad were tough? Try downtown Eden after the sun goes down.

[Chick]

Scary.

[Patrick Keane]

Murder and violence at person three, one couple had two boys who had the world to themselves. And one of them was claiming, this town ain't big enough for the two of us. Cain killed 25% of the world's population. That's more than Stalin, Hitler and the Amin Poland pot. King Herod, Genghis Khan, manifest destiny, typhoid, cancer, aids, cooties, all combined.

[Josh]

Right? Right.

[Patrick Keane]

Cain killed a third of the people he knew. He knew three people. He killed one of them. If you knew Cain, you had a 66⅔% chance of survival. There's no such thing as the good old days. There was no perfect time to be alive. There was like one good day. It was half a day. Adam and Eve were naked, alone in an oasis. Lunchtime came, people got hungry. Apples were eaten.

[Christy]

Boom.

[Patrick Keane]

Detroit.

[Chick]

Mr. Patrick Kane. That. That explains it. And that's the nutshell and that's the news. Well, we have some other news with Christy Lee. She's at the Silac Insurance news desk. Have we missed anything?

[Tom]

Well, we could talk about the latest from Jenny's splendid ice creams. They apparently have made a spinach flake flavor. It's called green smoothie.

[Josh]

Jenny needs to stop.

[Tom]

She makes Good ice cream. When we were in Columbus, I stopped there.

[Josh]

Chocolate or something. A normal flavor, I'm sure you had cauliflower.

[Tom]

I did not have cauliflower. I had celery.

[Josh]

Tell the world what your favorite pizza crust is, Christy. Go ahead.

[Tom]

Cauliflower crust.

[Josh]

Cauliflower crust pizza, but toy less Green.

[Tom]

Smoothie is a combo that combines light green colored spinach and fruit flavors with a swirl of white coconut cream.

[Josh]

Real dumb.

[Tom]

Yeah. Six years ago, Van Leeuwen Ice Cream launched a spinach flavored ice cream in honor of popeye. The sailors 90th birthday and celebrating fleet week in New York City. Fleet Week, A limited edition spinach flavored Popeyes fleet treat ice cream at the time contained cashew milk, extra virgin olive oil, sea salt and spinach roughage.

[Christy]

Sucks.

[Josh]

I don't think olive oil was a virgin, by the way.

[Chick]

Not even an extra, extra virgin. No.

[Josh]

Because Pluto and Popeye were trying to.

[Chick]

Hit, by the way, the distinction. I figured this out. Extra virgin.

[Josh]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chick]

Means when you were a teenage girl, you didn't own a bicycle.

[Josh]

There was absolutely no chance. Okay, got you.

[Chick]

Like the Hyman material, huh?

[Tom]

Okay, so green smoothie ice cream. Would you. You would try that. That sounds like right up your alley.

[Chick]

A green smoothie. I mean, really good. That would be good. I just don't know the. I. I love spinach, but I'm not sure I'd like it in my ice cream.

[Tom]

So you don't really taste it much, I don't think, in a smoothie, do you? I don't.

[Christy]

Yeah. No, you usually taste whatever the FR.

[Tom]

That they put in. Exactly.

[Christy]

But I love spinach too. I just don't want it in my ice cream. You're right.

[Chick]

Yeah. Now, coming up, we have a little show we call Sexy time.

[Christy]

Oh, yeah.

[Chick]

And I'm gonna let you weigh in, Patrick. You're welcome. People calling with their love troubles. Perhaps maybe you have had love troubles in the past.

[Patrick Keane]

Certainly.

[Josh]

He's never been married, he doesn't have any kids. What the hell does he know about it? I mean. Yeah, he'll. His opinion will be welcome. Yeah, yeah.

[Chick]

He's been around the world. I'm sure you've broken a few hearts along the way. Perhaps had yours stomped on. Spit out. What?

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, among us, you know.

[Christy]

Yeah, exactly.

[Chick]

And so we'll look forward. Certainly look forward to that. Right now I want to talk to you about my buddy, Stephen Singer. Speaking of love, Stephen is kind of the love expert because just around the corner it's Mother's Day. Everybody loves Their mom. And most people love their mom and. Yeah, sorry. And Stephen has a great way to express that love with the limited edition. There are not too many of these. The 24 karat gold dipped blue moon rose for Mother's Day. That's right. It's a real rose dipped in 24 karat gold. This flower will not die. It'll be there forever. It's guaranteed to last a lifetime. Stephen Singer, famous for his lifetime, guarantees, of course, on all his great jewelry. And he is the diamond expert. And it's only Earthborne diamonds. None of the fakes stuff. And Steven has that great upgrade thing. Maybe you got your mom some nice beautiful diamond earrings last year. You want to make them bigger? Well, you can do it. Stephen Singer Jewelers is the place. Check out the. All the details. By the way, these roses come in a beautiful gift box. There is a personalized Mother's Day note. Tell all those moms how much you love them. Shipping, of course, is free. The only place to get this is Stephen Singer Jewelers. You'll find them at I hate Stephen Singer. Dot. These will not be restocked. Stephen has made this very clear. Once they're gone, they're gone. It's a limited edition, apparently. Limited to the point that we don't have ours yet. Can we please get ours in the room so I can show people? Okay. Stephen Singer Jewelers. Don't forget the earrings. What's your favorite bracelet? The.

[Tom]

The At Last bracelet.

[Chick]

Yeah. That is also a great value. Highly recommended. And say you're laid, maybe your. Your wife is a mom.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Chick]

And you want to maybe have another baby or at least practice. Get her the At Last bracelet. You'll thank me.

[Christy]

And he knows about modern times, Stephen. He no longer sells tennis bracelets. Now they're all pickleball bracelets.

[Chick]

Very good.

[Christy]

Isn't that nice?

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Chick]

That's almost a good idea. We could polish that into a concept and move forward. I like that very much. It's. It's. I hate Stephen Singer Dot com. Don't tell him what a terrible job we've just done talking about his place. And Steven's a great guy. He's a dog guy. He's a dog guy. We love him.

[Josh]

Love that pickleball, huh?

[Chick]

If you're. If your dog is a mom. He has dog jewelry.

[Josh]

He does have dog jewelry.

[Chick]

She's no dog. It's Ally Breen coming back with us with Sexy Time. We're on the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show. What happened? What Just happened.

[Josh]

What did you say? Hi. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Auto Parts studios. Think O'Reilly Auto Parts for all your car care needs. Get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts.

[Chick]

Tom, I just appreciate the fact that our guest comedian Patrick Keane, chose to go with a stage name instead of his real name of Economaciapolis.

[Tom]

Oh, you can't say Economopoulos. Is that what you're.

[Chick]

I've been struggling with it. Okay.

[Tom]

Yes, you have.

[Chick]

No.

[Tom]

Only known Kostaki for 30 years. You'd think.

[Chick]

Patrick Keane is our guest. It's nice to see you, Patrick. We're gonna go via satellite to New York City. City, I think. And.

[Josh]

Well, this is.

[Tom]

Oh, that's interesting. I like it.

[Chick]

I'm not sure what I'm seeing there. It looks like Jason's computer. Oh, this is Allie Breen with the librarian look.

[Josh]

Oh, what's up?

[Ali Breen]

Yeah, exactly. Going for some glasses.

[Christy]

You look like Catwoman during the day.

[Chick]

Yes.

[Christy]

Selena. Kyle.

[Josh]

Yeah, the Scandinavian Catwoman. You're obviously. Sure.

[Chick]

Very blonde.

[Josh]

Very.

[Ali Breen]

Yeah, I was gonna say it wasn't Halle Berry. Catwoman.

[Chick]

Dangerous territory.

[Christy]

Or the Michelle Pfeiffer. Yeah.

[Chick]

Do.

[Ali Breen]

Oh, right.

[Chick]

Do you ordinarily wear contacts?

[Josh]

I don't care.

[Ali Breen]

No, I just got glasses, though, and I'm trying to wear them. I love them because. Do you like that? I don't know if I went too New Yorky with, like, the thick rims.

[Josh]

The only question I had, Ali, is why do you get the big ones?

[Tom]

Oh, they know. Exactly.

[Josh]

They're huge.

[Christy]

Did Woody Allen put up a fight when you rip those off?

[Chick]

But it was a good choice.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Chick]

It was a good choice getting the fake nose with them. Okay, let's just move forward.

[Tom]

Oh, my gosh, you guys are awesome.

[Josh]

No, they look.

[Christy]

I think they look great.

[Ali Breen]

I'm going to get some other ones cuz they're so expensive. I just found out about Warby Parker where you can get some cheap ones. So I'm going to try to get some.

[Tom]

Like, they're not that cheap.

[Ali Breen]

Oh, they're not that bad compared to the regular. They only show. You like designer glasses. It's ridiculous.

[Chick]

You can do the thing where you're the librarian and your hair is kind of back and take the glasses off and shake your head and take your shirt.

[Tom]

Oh, wow. Yeah.

[Josh]

Haven't we told you about describing sexual situations on the air? No one enjoys it when you do that.

[Chick]

Sorry.

[Ali Breen]

There's someone out there. There's one person for sure.

[Christy]

Real pennywise lifter.

[Josh]

Tom makes me hot. Well, then of course, we could be semi clad now.

[Chick]

Have you. How long have you been wearing the glasses?

[Ali Breen]

I just got them like two weeks ago and I'm just starting to wear them.

[Chick]

Are you. Are you wearing.

[Ali Breen]

Just reading. Really? So it's like just below. It's progressive.

[Tom]

Okay.

[Ali Breen]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Oh, I don't care what your politics are. The. Have you worn them in bed yet?

[Tom]

Why would you wear.

[Ali Breen]

I have not worn them in bed. Do people do that?

[Chick]

You want to get. You want to get an eyeful if you know who. How close is that thing gonna get to me?

[Christy]

I wear mine.

[Chick]

You wear your glasses in bed?

[Christy]

I take them off half the time. I'll say, okay, you put them on.

[Ali Breen]

When something important's about to happen.

[Christy]

Things I want to see happening. Yes.

[Chick]

Really? Yeah.

[Josh]

You make the consciousness. I need to look at this.

[Christy]

Yes.

[Josh]

For the glasses.

[Christy]

I do.

[Chick]

Is that right? Do you have one of those chains around your glasses so that if you have to get back and it looks can see, you can fly them back on?

[Josh]

Ally, all of my teachers had those.

[Chick]

Glasses on the chain. Oh, yeah, I have those for my sunglasses.

[Josh]

I bet you do there, grandpa. Yeah, I bet you.

[Chick]

No, it's a convenient.

[Josh]

Is that right?

[Chick]

You get your sunglasses on, you can pop them back.

[Christy]

Sometimes they fall.

[Ali Breen]

You don't lose them.

[Josh]

My food pureed and then all I did was I mistook the gas for break. Next thing you know, I'm in the produce department in the car.

[Chick]

Ally, this is like a. This is like a Clark Kent Superman thing. You're kind of in disguise with those goes on.

[Ali Breen]

Is it really different?

[Chick]

I just noticed those look like those gag glasses you get when you're a kid that are wider than your face.

[Ali Breen]

They're not too big.

[Christy]

They're not too big.

[Chick]

They really are.

[Josh]

Glasses on for Josh.

[Chick]

Hey, do you know. Do you know our guest? Ally, we have a great guest in the studio. Terrific comedian. His name is Patrick Keane. Have you ever seen Patrick on the streets of New York?

[Ali Breen]

I. I feel like we've run into each other, but I feel like maybe it was la. You're New York.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chick]

I think.

[Patrick Keane]

I think it was la. Where we've crossed. Yeah.

[Ali Breen]

Yeah, I think so too. A while ago. Good to see you back.

[Josh]

Likewise.

[Patrick Keane]

Good to see you.

[Christy]

What if we found out they just had a torrid love affair?

[Ali Breen]

Some real bad blood between us.

[Josh]

Banged it out on the Bay Bridge.

[Chick]

Wouldn't be the first time We've had a net on this. Okay, Patrick, I'll explain how this works. People take the time and trouble to write about their love troubles to Ally. A L, L, I, B R, E E N. I spell it out because that's how you find her on social media platforms.

[Josh]

Poor bastards.

[Chick]

And then she reads us the letters and we help.

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

[Chick]

Or we help. We try to. Okay, so the Lord's work. Give. Give us a sample, please.

[Ali Breen]

Dear Ally, my girlfriend kisses her dog on the lips and then goes to kiss me without washing her face.

[Christy]

No, no, no, let's leer it out.

[Ali Breen]

That dog licks buttholes. And she tells me, if I don't love her dog, I don't love her.

[Josh]

I don't care what we do the rest of the morning or the rest of the week. Let's not forget this moment. Okay?

[Chick]

That's my favorite band.

[Tom]

Buttholes.

[Chick]

That. That dog licks buttholes.

[Christy]

I don't think we should. All right, what else? What's.

[Josh]

Nobody loves their dogs more than I do, but I don't let them lick my face.

[Chick]

No, don't.

[Josh]

I just don't.

[Chick]

No, you're precisely correct. No, that's. Don't let your dog lick your face.

[Josh]

Why?

[Christy]

No, their mouths are cleaner than human.

[Tom]

You can let your dog.

[Josh]

If a human's out in the backyard eating crap.

[Tom]

Do you kiss your cats? Do you kiss your cats?

[Ali Breen]

Well. Oh, yeah, definitely. My cats lick my face. Yep, definitely. I would 100 do that.

[Christy]

So this guy says, hey, what do I. How do I tell her? Or what?

[Ali Breen]

Well, he says. She says, if. She says, if you don't love my dog, you don't love me. I guess she's refusing to wash her face. And he says, can't she just wash her face? Yeah. So apparently he has told her and she basically says, nope. Oh, you have to kiss me after my dog kisses.

[Chick]

He should. He should just carry around some handiworks wipes, the kind that are the moist towelettes. Then when she comes over, just give her a quick once over, wipe down her face.

[Christy]

She's not going to allow.

[Ali Breen]

Yeah, or that spray like that.

[Chick]

Oh, even better. Yes. Close your eyes, dear.

[Christy]

Just spray her with some blue liquid. And then wipe her face with a crumpled up newspaper. Huh?

[Josh]

Get some of that bitter apple and spray it on her face.

[Christy]

Isn't that what you're supposed to do?

[Chick]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christy]

No, it sounds like it's over to.

[Josh]

Me, but yeah, yeah, you gotta get.

[Chick]

Oh, yeah. No, dog's mouths are disgusting.

[Tom]

People's mouths are disgusting.

[Josh]

And you have the right people do.

[Ali Breen]

Exactly.

[Patrick Keane]

It depends. Is the dog wearing makeup?

[Chick]

Like, let's just.

[Christy]

Yeah, yeah. How pretty is the dog?

[Ali Breen]

Exactly? Has the dog prepared for the kiss?

[Chick]

Okay, this says the average dog's mouth contains 600 different species of Japanese germs.

[Tom]

What about a human?

[Chick]

12 humans? Actually, it's 615. But the thing is, they're different.

[Ali Breen]

You know what she should say? She should say, I lick something of yours. So if that's the case, then, oh.

[Christy]

That is definitely over.

[Chick]

Yeah. Unless it's.

[Christy]

Ladies. You start complaining about doing that, you're out.

[Ali Breen]

It's a tit for tat. Like, hey, if I do that, you shouldn't worry about.

[Josh]

They know going in, though, right, Josh? They have a problem with that. Yeah, it's Gonsville.

[Chick]

Okay, bye. Bye. In his case, it's just. By the way, it's just tat in the show. Okay, well, we can move on. Our guest is Ally Breen, along with the very fine comedian, Mr. Patrick Keane. If you're just joining us, this is a show we call Sexy Time with Ali Breen. And Patrick Keane has joined us, as I said. And let's get to another letter. Allie.

[Ali Breen]

Dear Allie, my girlfriend and I have crazy sex, and at one point, I missed and jammed myself against her, and I think I broke my penis.

[Christy]

This does happen.

[Josh]

It's very, very, very, very common.

[Ali Breen]

That's his. Yeah, he said it used to be straight. Now it literally has a bend in it. It still works, but it has an angle. Now, has anyone had any experience with this? And what should I do?

[Josh]

There's no coming back.

[Chick]

There's a name for this, right, Josh?

[Christy]

Peronis. Yes, but I don't know that Peronis.

[Tom]

When it stays hard, it won't.

[Christy]

No, no, no. That's prop is what that is. Almost like malapropism, which is.

[Chick]

Yeah, Norm Crosby. Exactly.

[Tom]

Can you. Can you put splints on it? And.

[Ali Breen]

Yeah, that's hilarious.

[Christy]

The answer here is to see a doctor.

[Chick]

We've had a. We've had a number of news stories about. It's a real thing. And, yeah, we. The causality is usually something called reverse cowgirl. And. But, yeah, Peronis. Doesn't that sound like a great restaurant in Little Italy?

[Christy]

I needed Peronis. Yeah.

[Tom]

Yes.

[Chick]

Yeah, definitely.

[Christy]

They have crooked breadsticks.

[Josh]

Thursday. Thursday at noon's buff thing.

[Tom]

You can use one of those wood clamps and just clamp it together.

[Chick]

Yes. Yeah.

[Ali Breen]

Would that work? Exactly?

[Chick]

I think you. You take the thing. They. The hammer. They whack. Your knee with and you re. Break it, but you got to get it angry first. Very awkward for the doctor. He has to call the nurse. Fluffer in. Okay, let's get to our next letter. Ali Breen. By the way, it's a L, L, I, B, R, E, E, N. You can reach Ali on your favorite social media platform. She's also. So she's on a little thing called.

[Christy]

OnlyFans, and the glasses are gonna be a new thing for you on OnlyFans.

[Ali Breen]

I'll have to do that. Yeah, exactly. I have to do some sexy librarian content now.

[Chick]

I joined it's OnlyFans at A L, L, I B. Okay, what else can I get?

[Christy]

Can I get free access to your only fans? Why do I. Why do I not.

[Ali Breen]

You should. You were supposed to do. I should get you to do my messaging again because I'm really not good at that. We should revisit that.

[Christy]

I'm real good at good at it.

[Ali Breen]

I know. I bet.

[Christy]

Real good at making guys think I'm.

[Ali Breen]

A. Josh knows exactly what guys want to hear.

[Chick]

He's really in any. Who.

[Christy]

Sorry.

[Chick]

Yes.

[Christy]

What's the next letter?

[Ali Breen]

Dear Ally, me and my husband just had our first baby, and he actually got three months paternity leave from work. I was psyched. But not only is he not helping me with stuff, but he's actually playing video games and creating such a mess that now I have to clean up after him and my baby.

[Josh]

Hey, I'm here for the baby, all right?

[Chick]

Right.

[Ali Breen]

The only benefit is I can actually go get coffee and get my nails done or go grocery shopping while he stays home with the baby. He thinks he's a hero for that, but that's the only way he's helping. When I fight with him, he says, what am I supposed to do? Breastfeed?

[Josh]

Are you kidding me?

[Ali Breen]

What do I do?

[Josh]

Atta boy.

[Christy]

This is.

[Chick]

Wow.

[Christy]

Yeah, you. The guy's.

[Chick]

Nothing's stepping up.

[Josh]

There's nothing better than a guy who thinks he's making a really good point.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Yeah. We may need to get a referral service for attorneys. This guy's got to start helping. Come on.

[Josh]

You should just leave the house more.

[Chick]

So then he has to watch the baby? No, you got to get him to pitch in while you're there.

[Josh]

I want to know what part of Sweden they work in. So he's got three months of maternity.

[Christy]

Normally a great thing. This guy's not. He's abusing it.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Ali Breen]

Yep.

[Tom]

Clean the house at least. You know, help her out.

[Christy]

Have you considered Just selling your baby.

[Josh]

Call his boss and say there was. If you think about it, that's the problem. That's where it started.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Maybe he's not the real father.

[Josh]

That's always a possibility.

[Chick]

Maybe he's going, hey, look, I'm not taking care of this guy for a.

[Josh]

Paternity test that goes over. How about that?

[Chick]

That'll be. Hey, could I get a quick swab? Put down that knife.

[Ali Breen]

Or she should act like a parent and hide his video game games. See how he reacts.

[Chick]

Change the WI FI password. Oh, he's. Yeah, he's got a phone.

[Patrick Keane]

I didn't know you could play video games once you become a parent.

[Tom]

I didn't know that either.

[Patrick Keane]

Maybe I could have kids if the.

[Ali Breen]

Mom'S doing all the work. Yeah, you can definitely do it if you can find that situation.

[Tom]

Does Johnny play video games?

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Tom]

Does he?

[Chick]

Yeah, he was last night.

[Tom]

Do you play video games?

[Chick]

No. But I watch him and I cheer him on sometimes because I'm terrible.

[Tom]

Something I. I don't. I can't wrap my head around.

[Chick]

Did you see the number one movie last weekend?

[Tom]

Yeah, Minecraft or whatever. Minecraft? Oh, yeah.

[Chick]

Hugely.

[Tom]

143 million. Hugely successful. Yeah.

[Ali Breen]

No, the video game industry is bigger than everything. Like movies, tv, I think everything. It's huge. Yeah, people love it.

[Chick]

So do. Do we know obviously there's going to be. All these are going to be movies. The Mario movies were hugely successful.

[Tom]

That's what Willie said. You're right. All of these games are going to become movies now.

[Chick]

Yeah. Pong is going to be pretty boring.

[Ali Breen]

The Halo people still go see it.

[Patrick Keane]

In Minecraft you can design your own universe, your own world, your own house.

[Josh]

Like all that stuff.

[Patrick Keane]

I'd still be so modest and still have a one room apartment.

[Christy]

Even in fantasy.

[Patrick Keane]

Even fantasy.

[Chick]

Nissan Camera, you know, whatever that'll make you clean it. You know, we have time for a couple more letters. Ally, what have you got?

[Ali Breen]

Dear Ally, I've been spending a lot of nights at my boyfriend's house and I ended up getting a rash on my back. I finally realized it's because he never changes his sheets. So I actually bought him an extra set. He changed them right away and then never did it again. I feel like I'm his mom. If I keep nagging him or do it for him, how do I get him to actually grow up? Shouldn't he be embarrassed?

[Chick]

It's not gonna change.

[Christy]

Why don't you get on top every now and again, lazy bones? Oh, you're talking just sleeping I see.

[Ali Breen]

Josh's solution is to keep your back off the sheets.

[Chick]

That's right.

[Josh]

Problem solved.

[Chick]

Perfect.

[Patrick Keane]

I don't think men, single men, don't know you're allowed to have more than one sheet.

[Christy]

Right, Right.

[Ali Breen]

You're actually supposed to.

[Chick]

Yeah.

[Tom]

And wash them. Yeah. Every week. Wash them.

[Christy]

Patrick King. What are you. Once a week or bed sheets?

[Patrick Keane]

Probably a little more. Probably like every two weeks.

[Christy]

Okay, but you travel a lot.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, but you got to get rotation on those pillowcases.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Tom]

It's important.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Patrick Keane]

Guys, come on.

[Chick]

Yeah. The pillowcases are. Word. That's where you see.

[Josh]

Yeah. That's where it's at, man.

[Chick]

Looks like a Rorschach test. Oh, yeah.

[Ali Breen]

The pillars underneath the case. Yeah. I don't know what happened.

[Chick]

Chase looked like a Japanese flag.

[Josh]

Uhhuh. That's right.

[Christy]

You forgot what day it was.

[Josh]

It was a big red circle. That's right.

[Chick]

It was worth it. Their imperial flag's even worse. Is stripes. Wow. That's a. Well, that gets back to the original.

[Tom]

Good luck, ma'am. I don't know how you're going to.

[Chick]

We have time for one more letter. Ali Breen.

[Ali Breen]

Dear Ally, my dad's a widower, and he and my mom always like to go on cruises. He's planning to go on a cruise now, this summer, and he's been inviting younger girls to go along with him. So far, no one has said yes, but I feel like he's going to come across a gold digger who will take advantage of him. Me and my sister are concerned, but we don't know how to stop it. Is it mean for us to tell him a young girl is just probably after him for his money? Or just let him do his thing.

[Christy]

Let him do his thing.

[Tom]

Let him have some fun, guys.

[Christy]

My gosh.

[Josh]

The next thing, my father is the hero of the neighborhood. We can't take it.

[Chick]

Yeah, that's a really awkward situation. What are you gonna do? What do you mean?

[Tom]

It's awkward?

[Christy]

It's only awkward if you make it awkward.

[Tom]

Let the guy have fun.

[Chick]

No, I'm saying of course. But I mean, what are they. What's she supposed to say to him?

[Christy]

Give your dad the benefit of the doubt that he's not gonna let some woman just steal his money.

[Tom]

Just looking for somebody to go on vacation with.

[Chick]

What's up? Sounds like he's pretty casual about who he's asking.

[Ali Breen]

Yeah, it sounds like he's asking.

[Chick]

Hey, can I help you with your groceries, lady? By the way, you want to go on a cruise?

[Josh]

Didn't sound like that at all. You did that.

[Chick]

He's asking everyone.

[Patrick Keane]

He said, and sometimes no, they're like, yeah, I know what this is. I know what the orange.

[Christy]

Yeah, exactly.

[Chick]

Right?

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Tom]

Most of them know.

[Christy]

Yeah. He might be happy to blow fifteen hundred dollars.

[Chick]

Thank you, woman.

[Josh]

She might be happy to blow an equal amount.

[Christy]

Right.

[Patrick Keane]

I. I would never date a gold digger. I'd date a silver digger. Like, you know, like, that's reasonable.

[Chick]

Again, modest. Much like your headquarters in your video game world. Ally Breen, are you on the streets of New York this weekend?

[Ali Breen]

I am. I'm at the Comedy Village this weekend. Newer club in Hell's Kitchen.

[Chick]

All right, well, go see Al Green. You can reach, please.

[Josh]

That's Hex Kitchen. We're on the radio.

[Chick]

A L L I B on on only fans and A L L I B R E E N on your favorite social media platform. Thank you very much. Ali, look great. I like. I like the glasses. I was just getting.

[Ali Breen]

I'll try a different pair next time.

[Chick]

We'll see. Thank you very much. All right, now I want to talk about not your glasses, but your feets.

[Tom]

Feet.

[Chick]

Your feet, yes. You got two of them. Plural feet.

[Josh]

That's right.

[Christy]

Yeah. It should be feeds, shouldn't it?

[Chick]

Or foot deers and jumbo shrimp.

[Christy]

Huh?

[Josh]

Park and drive and. Okay.

[Christy]

If you have back pain, hip pain or knee pain, it. Not it.

[Josh]

You know what? Tom was right. How long ago did you call this Josh? Doing a commercial is my favorite part of the show. How did that happen?

[Chick]

We should explain. See, Patrick, Josh came up as a comedian, so whenever he has to be radio Josh, he gets really nervous.

[Josh]

Nervous.

[Christy]

I don't get that nervous. That's the thing. I just mess up. It's not because of nerves.

[Josh]

It's because of messing up.

[Christy]

It's pure incompetence.

[Chick]

It's a different art form.

[Patrick Keane]

It is to read copy for a comic because you need the punch or you need the Russian.

[Christy]

I need less responsibility. I shouldn't be given responsibility.

[Chick]

What happens is he decides he's going to shake it it up a little bit. And so he'll read half of a sentence and think he can have a little payoff. And then he's dangling there going, now, what would work here? And then he it's over.

[Christy]

I love jumping off diving boards without looking to see if there's water in the pool.

[Tom]

You continue to do that, you're doing a fine job.

[Josh]

It's called hope, Josh.

[Christy]

Yes, thank you.

[Josh]

Don't kill that child.

[Christy]

And if you've lost hope in feeling better. Don't. Maybe orange insoles can help relieve you of all that discomfort. Because right now you're wearing shoes that have a thin, floppy line that really don't offer you any.

[Chick]

It's like a wet noodle.

[Christy]

It is like a wet.

[Chick]

Like a piece of bologna.

[Christy]

It is like a piece of so.

[Chick]

Many flies in your feet.

[Josh]

All right, I see you don't help.

[Tom]

You're like defense.

[Josh]

You're not helping.

[Tom]

Poor man is just trying to get through it.

[Josh]

Yeah, you're like a broomstick in the spokes when you stop it.

[Christy]

Orange insoles offer arch support and a deep heel cup. Did you know the St. Louis Arch, both legs, orange insoles underneath them.

[Chick]

Oh, wow.

[Christy]

Yeah. Yeah. Otherwise it would have fallen down years ago.

[Josh]

The only city with a handle that's exactly right.

[Christy]

They're going to give you better alignment. They're gonna help support your body. They're just going to help you overall find the right fit for you. And whatever shoe you wear with the insole [e-mail] they're great for work boots, sneakers, dress shoes, running shoes, flippers, you name it. There's an orange insole for you. No cutting required. These insoles are true to size and they carry sizes 15 +. Go to orangeinsoles.com today for free shipping. Plus, orange insoles come with a 60 day. We want you to be happy guarantee. I had to read that real quick before I spoke because that's just a great deal. That's orange insouls.com feel better.

[Chick]

Do more flipper offer void everywhere.

[Christy]

It might make you better swimmer. We don't know, do we?

[Chick]

Okay, good. Good to know. Thank you very much. Now we are hanging out with comedian Patrick Keane and Patrick and the boys, the the extravaganza that is Frank Caliendo, Willie G. And Al Jackson tonight are in Fort Wayne, Indiana. You can see them in person at a place called Summit City. They're also going to be in Cincinnati, Indy and Columbus coming up. I'll give you those dates when we get back. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Part Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Josh]

Thanks for listening to the Bob and Tom show this morning even though we're not too much to look at. You can also watch the show on our YouTube channel. Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. At the SILAC Insurance news desk, it's Chris T. Lee. Hey, Jessica Alsman is here.

[Chick]

Hi.

[Josh]

There's Josh Arnold, the I hate Steven Singer sidekick chair. Hi, TRICKSTER I'm Chick McGee at the Originsouls.com sports desk. Hello, Tom.

[Chick]

I have a question.

[Josh]

Yes?

[Chick]

An Ali Breen segment.

[Josh]

Are you going to say hello to our guest?

[Chick]

Oh, sorry. Joining us, the studio. Very fine comedian. He is a Patrick Keane. And, Mr. Keen, maybe you can answer this. We had a. We had a letter on Ali Breen show in which the fellow had developed a hook, if you will, in the front. Naughty. Due to some kind of front athletic injury in the. In the bedroom.

[Patrick Keane]

Yes.

[Chick]

Sphere. Is there where the phrase get bent. Get bent comes from?

[Christy]

I don't think so.

[Chick]

When someone. I say get bent. Yeah.

[Christy]

I mean, it means to leave. It means to get out of here.

[Chick]

Here.

[Christy]

But it.

[Tom]

I thought it meant to get drunk.

[Christy]

You can't. Yeah. Getting bent.

[Josh]

That.

[Christy]

Yes. But when somebody goes get bent, it means get lost.

[Chick]

Because, you know, in a certain era, it meant gay.

[Tom]

Yes, it did.

[Patrick Keane]

Being bent.

[Chick]

Right. But the phrase get bent, I thought it was. It referred to some kind of injury in the male grinder. Just asking. Maybe someone can sort me out on that. Right now, it's quiz time.

[Christy]

I'm telling you, it doesn't mean.

[Chick]

Okay. And this is basically.

[Tom]

Doesn't believe any of us. It has to come from that Internet thing.

[Chick]

It's quiz time.

[Josh]

I got the answers.

[Chick]

You'll get it, I think. But first I have to sneeze.

[Josh]

Are we doing the thing? Is that what we. The sound of the sneeze. That wasn't a good sneeze, though.

[Chick]

Oh, whoa.

[Christy]

Patrick, please forgive. We all have co.

[Chick]

Sorry, it's dysentery. We do not have Covid. Okay. In 1959, NASA introduced the famous We7.

[Tom]

Oh, yeah. The seven astronauts. Seven astronauts.

[Chick]

Okay. Do you want me to give you any of them or who does anybody think they can get all seven?

[Christy]

I'd rather just move on to the next thing in history.

[Josh]

Yeah. Cornerstone of your childhood. And no one really paid attention to it but you.

[Patrick Keane]

Alan Shepard.

[Chick]

There you go.

[Tom]

Alan Shepard. Gus Griffith. Gruesome. Deke Slayton.

[Chick]

Very good.

[Christy]

Alan Sherman.

[Tom]

Sherman.

[Chick]

Alan Shepard was John Glenn. John Glenn, absolutely. Now, from the movie the Right Stuff, maybe.

[Patrick Keane]

Phenomenal.

[Chick]

Who's the best pilot? Gordo. Gordon Cooper.

[Tom]

Gordon Cooper.

[Chick]

Scott Carpenter.

[Tom]

Fred Ward.

[Christy]

Wasn't he.

[Patrick Keane]

Yeah, he played.

[Chick]

He played Gus, Wally, Sheriff. Ra.

[Tom]

Oh, how do we forget him?

[Chick]

Yeah, right. I read that book when I was a kid. We seven. And then Deke Slayton didn't get to go up for quite a while. He ended up going up.

[Christy]

Matt Masterson. He was one.

[Chick]

Yep.

[Tom]

Apparently he ran the program For a long time. Right. For NASA, for the astronauts.

[Chick]

He was. He was on a headset doing Derek Spentley.

[Christy]

He was one of the hunters.

[Chick]

I'll try this one out on Zazu. Pits on all Halsey. Nobody else participated in this. Now, born in 1926, his name was Hugh Hefner. Of course. He created the Playboy empire. Nickname was what?

[Tom]

Wasn't he just Hef.

[Chick]

Hef? Very good.

[Tom]

No, it was Hugh.

[Chick]

You can't call him Hugh or you don't get invited to the Man.

[Josh]

You may be half.

[Chick]

Is Playboy still even out? Do they print a magazine out there?

[Tom]

But I don't know if they do a hard copy, I think. Did they go back to a hard copy as well?

[Chick]

I remember there was a whole big thing where they.

[Tom]

Online.

[Chick]

They stopped. They stopped nudity there for a while. Yeah, they bring.

[Patrick Keane]

They put the hard and hard copy, but.

[Christy]

Absolutely.

[Patrick Keane]

But I don't know. I don't know if the magazine. I don't know.

[Chick]

Is it.

[Tom]

I don't know.

[Chick]

Yeah, there was a time.

[Tom]

Sure.

[Chick]

The famous Playboy interview was always interesting. Did you ever get. Does your dad get Playboy? Josh?

[Christy]

He had a handful of them.

[Josh]

Yes, did.

[Christy]

And I would. I would look at them when my mom and dad went to. They left the house.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Church.

[Christy]

I would masturbate.

[Chick]

I just want to know if your dad. Don't know if your dad had a subscription. I didn't really need.

[Christy]

No, I did not have a subscription.

[Tom]

Did your dad ever have any girly magazine stuff?

[Chick]

No, no, of course not. It was.

[Tom]

Of course not. But it was a big deal.

[Josh]

Like, we would go to our friend's.

[Chick]

House and their dad would have, like, a secret stash. But, like, when Ginger said Spice was in it, we all wanted to see.

[Tom]

Her in Sixth graders.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Chick]

Which one is Ginger Spice?

[Tom]

The redhead. She's the one that's married to the F1 guy, right?

[Christy]

She was the hottest. Yeah, Jerry, she was the hottest, in my opinion. Okay, Now I would masturbate to hurt.

[Josh]

Is there anything you wouldn't master?

[Chick]

No, no.

[Christy]

Anybody? I could find a.

[Josh]

All right.

[Christy]

To dig them.

[Chick]

The frog.

[Christy]

I would.

[Chick]

Fair enough.

[Josh]

Fair enough.

[Chick]

Lastly, born in 1932, the man behind the great song, Blue Suede Shoes. Who was it? Well, it's Carl Perkins. Very. Thank you, Pat.

[Josh]

Which sounds real. It sounds. It's a really odd version if you're used to the Elvis version.

[Chick]

Blue Suede Shoes.

[Josh]

Like an extra beat in it or something.

[Chick]

And then. Very fine actor, born in 1954. Hard to believe. Dennis Quaid.

[Tom]

Oh, yeah.

[Chick]

Looks younger than he is always in great shape.

[Josh]

His kids, I love. Jack is in a new movie.

[Tom]

Meg Ryan, his mom.

[Chick]

Yeah. Nope.

[Josh]

It's Meg Ryan.

[Chick]

Okay. Thank you. French. And. And again, thank you very much to our guest, Patrick Keane. It was great seeing you.

[Christy]

I masturbated to Patrick Keenan.

[Patrick Keane]

Finally, somebody.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Josh]

At last we've got a common ground.

[Christy]

I've been fanboying this whole.

[Josh]

Fanboying this whole time or fan boning?

[Chick]

You said fan boning.

[Christy]

Sometimes Freud picks his head out.

[Chick]

Fanboy. I'm so sorry. These are the Aeli Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Josh]

For a complete copy of the Bob and Tom Show Contest Rules, go to bob and tom.com contest rules. Or just scroll down to the bottom of the page and see Contest Rules. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Bravo TV star Lala Kent holds nothing back.

[Tom]

There's been so many times where I'm.

[Chick]

Like, I apologize that I said that.

[Tom]

But that wasn't meant for you to hear.

[Patrick Keane]

Fill you there.

[Tom]

How fun would it be to bring in some Bravo liberties and make our own bracket iconic?

[Chick]

All right, I'll take Dorinda. You take Sonia.

[Josh]

Sonia is who I wish I could be.

[Chick]

You and me both.

[Tom]

I cannot be someone in the program.

[Chick]

What's PTO Pay time off.

[Patrick Keane]

See, I've never had a real job.

[Ali Breen]

Give them Lala.

[Tom]

It is nothing but honesty.

[Josh]

You guys know. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.