Tom Griswold (0:00)

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It's a beautiful time of the year I'm so glad you're near the wind is blowing it might start snowing there's just the two of us here It's Christmas let's have sex it's snowing let's have sex Santa's coming Let's have sex Ooh, let's have sex I hope you brought your spurs the one with the sharp little burst Knocked a Christmas tree out of the way and hear the jingle bells say it's Christmas let's have sex and it's snowing let's have sex Santa's coming Let's have sex Ooh, let's have sex the room is lit with candles the halls are decked with holly I'm just wearing sandals so let's get down and we'll be jolly Christmas let's have sex it's snowing let's have sex Santa's coming Let's have sex Ooh, let's have sex Foreplay in ghost. It's Christmas. Let's have sex it's snowing let's have sex Santa's coming Let's have sex Ooh, let's have sex oh, come on. Here, baby. I got a present for you. Good morning. Hello. From coast to coast, it's the Bob and Tom Show. Many portions of the upcoming program have been pre recorded, meaning they've already happened and they're about to happen again. So where was I? Oh. Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, we're glad to have you here. It's the Bob and Tom Show. You wouldn't believe it if I told you so. I'm going to have him tell you why. Hang on a second. There's Christy at the news desk. Hi. There's Pat Godwin in the performance room. Hello. There's Josh Arnold. Hey, Chick. He's over there at the. Yeah, you had something playing over there. There's Ace Cosby. Josh is at the I hate Steven Singer sidekick chair. Yeah, you had some John Barry rocking, I think, or something. I'm Chick McGee. And here's Tom Griswold. Tom, bring us up to date on your life up to the minute. Sorry, I left my car running. Oh, in the. In the parking lot. Yeah. I've just realized Dean just walked in and said your car's. Sorry. So did you. Did you run an errand or. Yeah, I went and got. Went and got some nice coffee for everybody. Coffee. It was very nice. Barely. When I got back, forgot to. I have a complaint. So you've got such a nice car that you can't hear it running? That's one way of looking at it. Yeah. Yeah. Like a kid. Blessed. No, I bet I have bad hearing. Oh. Many years of wearing headphones and my hearing is pretty. Once again, Tom, maybe radio isn't for you. Yeah, I've been thinking about that. Like five decades of success, maybe. Well, in any event. Yeah, Everything's cool. I think the car is off now. Okay. And there was something playing out over here. Huh? Huh? Yeah. Something nice. I don't know how it was easier when you had a key. When you had a key to pull out. Yeah. Turn it on. Turn it off. Speaking of pulling out. Yes, sir. We have sperm news coming up this morning. You know, I have. And many cars do, that you program. Your phone is your key. Now, so if you have your phone on you, you get in your car and you go away, you go. And there's a valet setting on it so the valet can park it. Why. Why you keep your phone. Very fancy and. But I just can't get used to it. I keep a car. I keep a key in the car. Just. Oh, yeah, I bet. I don't. I don't trust the phone yet, but it hasn't. And I even switch phones and I resynced it and. Yeah, these cars are amazing. Talk about not needing a key. We were talking to that fireman. He was saying that you got to be careful because people are forgetting that their car's running and they're leaving it in their garage and it's creating carbon monoxide. It can be fatal, however. So get a carbo. Monoxide detector. A and B, turn your car off. I'm. I need the first one because I tend to forget about the second. One thing I've noticed in my palatial compound is that if I get to one side of the house, my phone will buzz a little bit. It's unlocking the car. It thinks you're going to the car. Yeah. Oh, so that's. That's a little odd. Yeah. Yeah. I was. I'm the youngest one in the room right now. But you guys have all accepted this. This tech, these new technologies, way better than I have. Cause you're a consp. Conspiracy theorist. You think that the government's after you. Well, no, I. I know the government second. Don't you? Aren't you. What do they call the guy that they think like the eight headed. The eight armed monsters at the middle of the Earth pulling all the levers. Oh, yeah. Yes, I like that. I'd like to get on that. The side of those guys. Yeah. I just want to say if there is a conspiracy out there, they. They don't know what they're doing. Whatever their conspiracy is, it's not working. Okay? It's not. It's. I don't know. They got him believing that it's not working. What is it? The devil's greatest trick is he convinced everyone he didn't exist. Oh, I see. So chew on that for a while. The Tripartite Commission. Is that who it is? Well, you got the Gettys, the Rothschilds. I see Colonel Sanders. Colonel Sanders, tits up. Do you have a key to your car or is it a. It's a bob. Yeah. You sound genuinely irritated. He doesn't like it. Yeah, no, I like the old. I like the old stuff. I told you this before, and I'll tell you this again. You know, I don't. I don't push forward. If I want to change a song on my phone in my car, I just take my thumb, like you're hitchhiking, and push it. I move it toward the passenger seat. Boy, just minority reporting. Devil's. And it knows that I'm. And then if I make a circle with my index finger, it turns it up. Yeah. What happens. What happens if you pretend you got a broom in your hand and you start going up and down like this? It automatically starts playing Rise by Herb Albert. Does a hand come up from between the seats? That's right. And give you the David Leroth put this. Christie has a question. So you don't touch anything. You just move your hands. But you look crazy when you're driving. Oh, I do look. I look. I look nuts. Yeah. Say, Ace has a question. What if you have a female passenger and you're having a heated argument and you're like, oh, then the radio goes nuts. Yeah. And then. Then it starts playing Disturbed. What's the name of Chris Cornell's band, the Good One? Soundgarden. There's also audio slave. There's a song I play that I. I put in my headphones for vacuuming, and it'd be perfect. Coaches. That's it, Coaches. I want to hear it now. To vacuum. Oh, it's great. Ace. So this sounds like you're talking about you more than chick. So you're in a car with one of these women, and you start arguing and waving your hands around. If the going gets rough, I get out, you know that. You park. Here's the car. Add it to the list. Sometimes it doesn't even park. Yeah, I'm just gonna roll out. There you go. Wow. What you got over there? National Toy hall of Fame is celebrating its 25th anniversary this year, and they're going to ask for more of the public's participation. They announced yesterday that one extra toy will be inducted this year, chosen by you, the fan, from these five toys that have been finalists multiple times. Okay, so they're. They're giving us guidelines. We can't just write in a candidate. No, you have five to choose from. You ready? Yeah. The Fisher Price Corn Popper. That's pretty good. Classic My Little Pony. Okay. A PEZ dispenser. Not. Not a toy. Yes, it is. No, it's not. You can kind of play with them, I guess. Oh, you can play with a lot of things. You didn't have a bunch of pest dispensers when you were a kid and dressed them up in frilly dresses? No, no, we. Yeah, we all. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I thought. Normal things. Tom, the pogo stick. All right. You don't like the pogo stick? No, it's all right, man. All right. And Transformers round out the top five. Okay. I'm going Corn Popper. I'm going Corn Popper, too. Corn Popper is such a cool, fun, basic thing for like a two year old. You can cast one vote per day through October 24th on the National Toy hall of Fame website. The Corn Popper ain't bad when you're 45. The winner, along with other inductees, will be announced Nov. 9. What would you do if you went home with a lady? Yeah. At her place, one thing leads to another. Yeah. And you. You fall asleep and you're there in the bed and you hear this noise. The next morning, what the heck is. You go downstairs. Wow. That was some. What are you doing? Oh, just running the Corn popper. Yeah. What do you think? I've decided now. Right now. Check. I'm ordering one today. Yeah, I'm gonna have one handy, like kind of behind a chair. Right. And when I have any guest over, if there's any so of spill or. I'm getting that. I don't say a thing. And now I won't say a thing. Oh, I got that. I got that. See how Long. They stick around. Yes, but I mean, they still make that toy, right? Yeah, it's for. It's for very little. It's for toddlers. But it's a great toy. I mean, Transformers are also a great toy, but Pez Dispensers are not a toy. I'm too old for Transformer. Are you? You don't watch the movies? No. Real dumb. It's a Volkswagen. That's a monster. Is there an adult Toy hall of fame? I hope not. Well, saying adult before. Before toy, you got a whole different. I know. I'm just asking you if you will. I'm sure there is. Yeah. I don't know if it's a hall of fame, but I'm sure there's a museum. Really? Yeah. The Adult Toy Museum. Like a welcome, I bet. This year, the Pocket Room. Once again, congratulations to all. The flashlight. Of course. Inducted at our opening ceremony. There's the Antique Vibrator Museum in San Francisco. The Erotic Heritage Museum in Paradise. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You. I'm there. Sex Machines Museum in Prague. The Erotic Museum in Amsterdam. I've been to that. Have you? Yes, yes. Which one? I've been to the Sex Museum in Amsterdam. The Erotic Museum in Amsterdam. And they had. They did have like these really old looking. Like they had like one of those things. It looks like a hollowed out log kind of that they would put bees in. So that vibrate. Absolutely. Really? Yeah. That was like one of the first vibrators. Wow. Though. Bee filled log. A lot of trial and error there. Museum of Erotica, the number one sex museum in the world is in St. Petersburg, Russia. Who would have thought? What's the. Do they have a little store as you leave the museum? Yes. Did you ever go to Jeju Loveland? Jeju Loveland in South Korea. Did you ever visit there? They in. No. I know. I'm aware of. It's like a Jeju island. Yeah, it's an island where it's very big for honeymooners. So that makes sense that it would be known as a sexual theme park. Oh, go. Why? How did I not. I don't know. A theme park. It means gliding down penis slides or bathing in naked saunas. I've got to go back. Ho, ho, ho. Welcome to the Bob and Tom show and Merry Christmas from all of us here at the Bob and Tom Show. Coming up on the show today, Drew Powell, Duke Tomato, D.J. dangler, Tim Kavanaugh, Greg Warren, and Reno Collier. Coming up next, though, a former major league pitcher, Drew Storen talks about some corn. It's Coming up next on the Bob and Tom show. Bob and Tom. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are the things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to progressive and save hundreds. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations. And a merry Christmas morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. And welcome to the Bob and Tom show. Former major league pitcher Storen stopped by and he's talking some whiskey and some corn here. Here's Tom Griswold with an actual real life, honest to gosh legend for a guest. Yeah, Tom. In the studio we have Drew Storen, former major league baseball pitcher. Allegedly I miss, I misspoke. Oh. Is there proof of that? Oh, oh. And currently father of three and producer of a new alcoholic beverage. Now you want to tell us again, this is distilled from the corn from the Field of Dreams movie, correct? Yeah. So we're Field of Dreams Whiskey Co. Where we take the most famous corn in the world and turn it into whiskey. Yeah. I was a huge bourbon collector during my career, so figured I overpaid for plenty of stories so tried to create my own. Yes, very nice. Now Josh, we were trying to figure out and Josh suggested Children of the Corn. What? That didn't work so well. The people who used that corn. Yeah. Other famous, other famous cornfields and movies that we came up with. What north by Northwest Hitchcock movie. I think he picked the right cornfield. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stretching some other areas. Trying to make him feel good. Yeah. Appreciate it. I don't want you to forget where you lost your mind. The video of Drew winning stuffed animals. Do you remember this? Uh huh. Why don't you ask him? He hustles carnies. You've been a very fine pitcher most of your life such that you were able to make it to the major leagues. And so you like to go to the carnies and show them how it's done. Oh yeah. There's certainly no better thing in the world than hitting up the state fair. Especially now that my arm doesn't matter and go over the speech. Go over to the speed pitch and you know, max it out. Get the choice prize for the kids. So we essentially have to bring an extra wagon. It looks like the Grinch's sled on the way out. Everybody's asking for tips and I'm like, yeah, it's, it's all about heart. You just gotta watch. Yes. Yes. Make them believe. Yeah. I mean, look, like that milk bottle thing where they have the three bottles. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They had one of those in Libya, and even the earthquake there couldn't take it out. Now, remember, this is the guy who got mad upset at me at the Taiwan story. Yeah. Oh, Tom. Tom's very much do as I say, not as I do, very person. Yeah. So let's get back to this. This bourbon, Drew, this is distilled from the corn from the movie. You. What you. Did you lease the field or how does it work? Yeah, so we work with the farmers. It's the Ray family, and they have the lease on the land. And. Yeah, we just. We're essentially the landscaping crew with some. With some return on it, usually that goes away and goes to some pigs or, you know, anything else. And so we take and tell a little story about it. Now. Right now, it's. You've cut the corn down. Right. It's harvest season. Yeah. So all the stuff coming down for this year, it's. They're in the midst of it right now. So that'll go into barrel. Into barrels. This is from previous years. So we just take every kernel. So it's about 5 billion kernels of corn on that previous years. I want fresh bourbon. Come on. I don't. I always forget that you're the purist. So the. We want the bourgeois of bourbon. The bottle in front of you. This give me the history of this particular. I keep wanting to say brew. What's the word I'm looking for? Yeah. This distillation. And this batch is okay? Yeah. I mean, either way. Just commit. Either way, please, dear God, commit. Yeah. No. 73% corn, 22% wheat, 5% rye in this. So we actually kept the barley out of it, so it kind of lets the corn showcase. So we always say it's all about the best expression of the corn. But I wanted something that's extremely approachable, that maybe somebody's a baseball fan and is limping into bourbon or is interested in it, that they can get away with it. As we, you know, do future releases, we're going to kind of up the proof and play more towards the purists, like Josh Whiskey world. So. The world of whiskey. Well, we'll find out more about what's going on with Drew. We have to go back to the sports page with Chick Magee. Yes. Yes. Last year, we were talking about how did we get on the topic of your friend who's a porn star? Oh. We were talking about how there's a gentleman in the NFL. Tyree Kill. Oh, he wants to be a porn star. So he says the fact he's the fastest guy in the NFL. He then is asked on a podcast, what's he going to do when this career's over? And he said, I want to be a porn star. You don't want to be fast in the world of porn. No, no, no. That'd be. By the way, have you ever noticed that they're always called that? Everybody in these, they're always porn stars. What about the character actors? Yeah, they don't get enough respect. Yeah, yeah. Everybody's a star. They have to be like the working man's porn. Sure, sure. Your Ed Harris's. They don't play small parts. What do they say about porn pants? They don't want small parts. I see. Of course. Well, there are no small parts, only small people. No, Shakespeare said that. That's what I thought. Yeah. So your buddy was a open mic or stand up? Yeah, yeah. And he was. He'd been doing it for years, and he was a really good guy, but, you know, kind of awkward and not great at stand up. And he. I think I read an article about him. No kidding? Yeah, he was it. He. He. His career ended when he refused to play with sex toys in movies because he said he wasn't a prop comic. That's pretty funny. That's pretty inside, but high and inside, Drew. There you go. Hey, Drew, I can't help but notice you're in incredible shape to change the subject, in case you want to know. What about his head? Oh, he's got. He's got that. A lot of it up there. I'm trying. Do you. You have no aspirations of going back to pitching, do you? No, I actually play hockey now. Nice, man. I taught myself to play hockey like last last year. Oh, you decided to play a sport, did you? Somebody who loves baseball. I would just love to see drew throw a 90 mile an hour fastball by your head. I've spent most of my adult life working in baseball. I remember your types, Josh. Weren't we gonna have him come here and. Yeah, one of these. We want to have you do some pitching to us. We gotta set up a place where you could do it. But like I said, I got my work in at the state fair, so I'm politics. All right. How fast you think you could throw one if you warmed up for a while? I mean, I hit 86 at the state fair on my first throw. Yeah. First throw. Yeah. There you go. Cold 86. Cold, just out of the truck. Luckily, it was 105 out. So do you still watch baseball, or you. Okay, cool. Yeah, I try to watch my friends, but they're kind of thinning out at this point. But do you have a favorite team? Kind of whatever team my kid likes. Oh. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, I. You know, he likes the nationals and all that where I made Mike, but, you know, he's. He's into the Cubs because my high school teammate Tucker Barnhart was on there this year, so, you know, we were the little league team, so we just kind of bounce around. He's a free agent, you know, he's already learning the business. Yeah. So do you have a pitching already? Yeah. I have a question. Are you allowed to have a cell phone when you're not pitching? You're sitting out there in the bullpen. Are you allowed to have. Are you allowed to. And. Or do you. No. Both. No, because they don't trust us. There's no way that we would handle that responsibly because you hang out and just. We learn how to fold double bubbles into lawn darts and try to shoot them at outfielders. That's the. That's the type of highbrow stuff that we're doing now. Just flip it around and there you go. Yeah. Try to hit the guy's foot in your locker room. Was the double bubble wrapped or unwrapped? Oh, it was wrapped because working in some. I saw a guy who had to, like. I guess I forget what team it was, but he was unwrapping all the double bubble and putting it in a big bowl. Oh, yeah. So that team was. That's one of the stars. Over tipping the guys just out of principle. My first spring training, I had to go through and sort out, you know, the certain flavor of double bubble and then keep it in my back pocket for the veteran to ask for it and then open it and then throw it away. Wow. Yeah. It's awesome. Oh. We're talking with Drew Storm, a former Major League baseball pitcher, and the. Are you. Are you the distiller of. Is that the founder? Yeah, I'm not the. Not the distiller. I leave that to the pros. I. I'm. I'm more of the. The big picture guy. Yeah. Supervisor. And once again, you're the face of the brand. There you go. The bourbon is the field of dreams. We return to Mr. Chick McGee at the sports desk. Is that correct? Not just any sports. Tom Speed Eater from Canada has broken the Guinness World Record for the fastest time to eat 50 Carolina Reaper peppers. Oh, no, Mr. Mike Jack. That's his name. Go ahead. I'll sit back and let you. Mike Jack. If he marries Susanna Hoff, she goes, then the joke doesn't work. Well, it barely. Yeah, see, I. You and I check are on the same page. I. This. I can eat a hotter pepper thing. I don't get this. I don't. I don't understand it as a. A spectator sport where people are watching people eat something. Oh, look, he's crying now. Oh, I think he's really dying. You know, stuff like. I don't understand that. It's also not pleasurable to eat those. Right? Yeah. It doesn't enhance the. I want some spice, some flavor, but not that. If you keep reading, this gets really ugly at the end. After finishing his record attempt, Mr. Jack went on to eat 85 more peppers, bringing the total amount to 135 Carolina Reaper. Just for fun, he did this to reach second place on the League of Fire Reaper challenge leaderboard, which tracks attempts to eat the most reapers in one sitting. Jack now holds five Guinness World Record titles, including the record for the world's longest hobby, narrow pepper kiss, and the most melted anus. Boy, that's. I love that. A couple of words. Melting. Great band. No bass player, Oddly enough, prolapsing. Although Mike says that the pain can last up to 14 hours after consuming multiple Carolina Reapers. On this occasion, he didn't feel too bad later on because he threw up most of the chilies after eating them. See, that shouldn't count, boy. Well, after vomiting, Mike drinks coconut. Coconut water to replace the electrolytes, and he eats heavy food to further dilute the remaining peppers in his stomach. That's tough, man. Boy. Well, I don't know. I. I don't get it. I know it's very popular, but it doesn't impress me. Good luck, Mike. Have you eaten a Carolina pepper, Ace? Not alone. Just. Just one. Or with something. I mean, in sauce form. Ah. Okay. I'll tell you what, though. That might be hot, but not as hot as this. Yes, Ace? I've always wanted a parrot. Oh, If I had a parrot, first thing I would teach it to say is, they turned me into a parrot. I wonder what happened there. I like it. I don't get it. Well, see, if you heard a parrot say that. Oh, my God, the parrot is a human that's been turned into a parrot. Get me out of here. And therefore, what powers does Ace have? Right? Whoa. That'd be a great scene in a movie. That's kind of like the help. I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory. Right? Yeah. Okay, so, Christy, you petted a parrot. And if that parrot said, they turn me into a parrot. Yeah, okay, fair enough. Christy, in your defense, it was a macaw. It was not apparent. Oh, Jesus. Jesus. Chicken basket. In my defense, what? It wasn't a great joke. It wasn't a great joke. Check local listings. I was going to go with it's very foggy here today. I tried to catch some fog, but I missed. That's better. Yeah, I'm writing them all down over here. No, your thoughts, Tom? I. I preferred the parrot joke, frankly. Sure, okay. They're both hilarious, but don't argue with that. I have somebody. Oh, is that sports? Yeah. This is what you partner for wherever you go. Whatever you do, always be a good sport. Christy, I just had a friend who's a big fan of your Field of Dreams text me and ask, how do you find the number or the. The. The player that matches the number on your bottle? Yeah, so that's. We're going to put that on our website here soon. Oh, it's not up yet. Not up yet. Okay, great. We had to go to the website and kind of get the data from them, and so we're gonna set it up because. Yeah, because that would be a cool. Our guest is Drew Storn, former Major League Baseball pitcher and the creator, one of the folks behind the Field of Dreams bourbon. Actually distilled from the corn in the famous Field of Dreams from the movie. Have you sent one to the producers of the movie? I have not. Why? Why elicit a lawsuit? Hey. Or solicit. I'm sorry. Look what we're doing. Yeah, yeah. In case you didn't know. Joining us on the phone. Wish you would have thought of this, huh? Christy Lee is at the news desk. Let's share another story with Drew. Police in Florida have arrested a man for allegedly masturbating in a resort's public hot tub. Hello? According to the Monroe County Sheriff's office, the suspect, Mr. Julio Rodriguez Koepel, was completely nude in the hot tub at the Playa Resort and Spa, where witnesses reported seeing him expose and touch himself in view of a. Come on in, female employee. Water's fine. How's it going? What's up? Can I get some nachos over here? You're pretty well. A little of this. When a male employee confronted the suspect, he screamed, it's my birthday today. Oh, well, then you gotta live. Well, yeah. I didn't know he Had a legit reason and ran toward us one before driving back to Miami Dade County. According to police, it was in fact the suspect's birthday. Had just turned 34 that day. But they didn't care. He was given an arrest charge for indecent exposure as a gift. Blow out the candles. You're supposed to blow your own candles. Yeah. Don't do that. You worried about spittle getting on the cake? What about those people who. I mean, they're 34 and they're still. It's my birthday. Yeah. I don't. 30. I guess everyone should be celebrating my birthday month. Yeah. Do you plan ahead of that when you get in the tub? That's a good question. Is that. Was that like an audible there? Once you hopped in, you're like, yeah, this is nice. Those jets are great. Or. Yeah, yeah. Or is that the plan? Sometimes those jets are great. They can't be fine. I've never. Nerves back there. Right? That's exactly right. That's right. God. To stand up at the rear in the pool with the kids. You look up and there's this idiot cranking away. Happy birthday to me. Coming up next on this Christmas Day, some Christmas live day stuff from 1998 with the Bob and Tom Band. It'll put you in the spirit. We're coming right back. This is the Bob and Tom Show. This episode is brought to you by Lifelock. The holidays mean more travel, more shopping, more time online and more personal info in places that could expose you to identity theft. That's why LifeLock monitors millions of data points every second. If your identity is stolen, their US based restoration specialist will fix it, guaranteed or your money back. Get more holiday fun and less holiday worry With Lifelock, save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com podcast terms apply. We're back on this Christmas morning. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. This segment features a live day from 1998. Matter of fact, a Christmas live day from 1998 with the Bob and Tom Band. I hear some music in the background now. That sounds nice. So we're gonna do. Oh, that's me. I'm just tinkling on the piano. Hi, good morning. Great job there, chick. Thank you. Thank you very much. You know, we've broken. We've broken the musicians rule. You never. You're not supposed to wake musicians up more than twice a year before 7:00. Ah, okay. Well, we've done it. We've done it. This is kind of a visual. Yeah, it really is. In the role of Virginia Keagle, I think Bear. And apparently she knows that exercise we have the very. Oh, don't do that. Okay, we're gonna do one of our Bob and Tom Christmas songs. This is from the album. It's a wonderful laugh. Wonderful laugh. And this is a song about plastic surgery for Christmas. Every Christmas morning underneath the tree Lots of lovely presents are waiting there for me and though I'm quite delighted it's hard to get excited who needs another sweater? Hey, Santa. There is something that I'd like a whole lot better Are you listening, Santa? I've been a good girl this year and there's one thing that I want I want a boob job for Christmas Big old knockers out to hear it would make me proud to be in doubt Like a playmate of the year I want a boob job for Christmas make them big and make them wide the only blimps as big as these say good Year on the side Heaving, hefty, happy hooters Squishing, gushing like they shooters there's loads of curvy cleavage on display Musty busty watermelons each as big as Mount St. Helens that is what she wants this holiday oh, Santa, give me this one gift it's not my spirits that are sagging it's my boobs that need a lift oh, Santa, you know this Christmas season Give me a pair of juicy jugs and you can be the first to squeeze em I want a boob job for Christmas Spongy silicone balloons who needs a boat? I can stay afloat with my bulging chest Pontoons bursting beefy bouncing bozos Wild and wiggly whopping walnuts Nestled in a cup that's double D Massive, milky, needy memories Big enough to feed two families Santa, won't you listen to her? Please, Santa, please I want a book job for Christmas and when you've done that Santa dear, if it's okay, sit my way I know it's time Come next year. All right, Wendy. I'm in Virginia. Wendy Reed is Virginia people. Oh, beautiful. Live this morning. Go lay down now. Do any second. We do have a doctor prayer presentation. Yes, we do. Just in case. He's a heart surgeon, though. Well, you know, it's sort of the same, isn't it? All in there together? I think so. Dr. Stan Hillis. Not his real name. No, it isn't. On the flute, actually. On that last tune. Along with Jay Young and the clarinet. P.J. inger on the horns. And the rest of the band under the direction of Steve Ali, ladies and Gentlemen. Very nice. This is a special edition of the Bob and Tom program. Shall we squeeze in one more? I think we're ready. Sure we can. And Teresa's gonna come up and sing this one is. Does she also portraying Virginia Keegle in this one? No, she is a Tammy. Why not? Of course, Tammy. Why not in this one? Okay, this is. Which tune are we doing here? Open. Oh. Okay. You guys ready? Oh, yeah. You've been gone so long. I miss you so much. Cause I need to feel a man's loving touch. But you're coming home, you'll be back. Christmas day. Lying under the tree is where you'll find me. And here's what I'll say. Open me first. Oh, honey, I'll burst. I'll have on just a bow. So darling, you'll know to open me first. You're a truck driving man riding out on the road. But you always come back when you got up for load. Now you're coming home, you'll be back Christmas day. Though I'm not one who begs. Tape to my legs isn't all that we'll say. Open me first. Kiss me where it hurts. I'll spread Christmas cheer. So darling, come here and open. Referring. When you pulled out your rig. I sat here and cried. Knowing that I'd be so empty inside. Open me first. Spread me like liverwurst. This cracker's for you. You know what to do. Open me first, honey, open me first. Get some pie for dessert. More than sweaters and socks. Call me in a box to open me first. A big candy cane just drives me insane. Open refer. Merry Christmas On. Merry Christmas, Tammy. Wow, that's great. I might have soiled myself during that. Yeah, I know what you're saying. Teresa Giles in the role of Tammy. Why not a special live performance. Very nice work, band. Michael Clark on the pedal steel. On that one, Chris Pyle on the drums. Frank Smith on the bass, Charles Smith on guitar. And Steve Ali, of course, our pianist and our musical director. Today. Oh, yeah. At the Bob and Tom Band, we're gonna do it all. Steve, if you were blind, you'd be an international superstar. But little Stevie Ollie. Okay, well. And Merry Christmas. Now he can get that dog he always wanted. That's right. All right. Today's show is kind of an experiment. So far it's failing. We have a lot more coming on this Christmas morning. Tim Cavanaugh and Greg Warren coming up next hour. So stand by for that. Coming up next, though, junk food and meth. It's on the way in just a minute here on the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom, you met Lala Kent on Vanderpump Rules. Now Lala and her friends share everything on Give Them Lala Bagel. Everybody. Everybody says. I say that. Weird. It is. Ruined my proposal story. How Jason proposed and she was like, he brought in a bunch of bagels. I was like, I have to stop this. I will punch you in the throat if you ever tell this story again and call it a bagel. Let me tell you now, when I tell the story, I go. He went. And got breakfast. There you go. Bagels. Yeah. Watch what Lala is talking about on YouTube or search for Give them Lala wherever you listen. Merry Christmas from all of us here at the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher speaking. This is the best of the Bob and Tom Show. Here's a segment about. I don't know if you'd use either or both or none of these on Christmas morning junk food and meth. Let's check it out. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. Hi. Good morning. Thanks very much for joining us. Chick McGee's chuckling over there in the corner. Comedian Tim Cavanaugh joins us here in the studio. Good morning, you guys. Chick, before we move on, I saw this. All I read was the headline, and I brought the story in. Okay. Satellite dish installer accused of panty theft. Give that one to Christy. I'm sorry. Now we should explain Christie to those who really have to. You don't really have to come in tomorrow. It's a day off tomorrow. You can do it. Here, sweetie. Satellite dish installer is in trouble for stealing panties in Muskegon, Michigan. Now, we read this because Chick has been known to help his friends out. Oh, yeah. By helping install satellite dishes. I can do it. Although there is a new no ladder rule. I'm not allowed to be up on the ladder. You're not? Why not? The city? Well, if I fall, there would be a problem. My chest might open, like. Oh. Oh, I see. Oh. I thought it might be the crater due to my morbid obesity. There would be a huge crater. I was weighing a possible Richter scale. Joke. And I said, no, see, I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go with these. This is all your fault. The earth tremor material. That would be mean. This is all. This is all your fault. You got it mad at me. Now look at it. So as I was saying, Chick no longer helps his friends install satellite dishes if he's a cherry picker. Could you do that? Probably. Yeah. I Can. I can consult, though. You can consult. I'm a consultant. Do you like money in that? Chick knows a lot about tv. So much so that when he had his new flat screen, whatever it is, plasmoid tv, installed, he actually told the guys from the professional shop how to set it up. Well, it was my receiver. They hadn't. You know, they weren't familiar with that receiver right off the bat. I'm sure they would have gotten it eventually. You have to have a special receiver. But the TV was on. The receiver was on, and I said, go for it. So I took the remote control and it was done. But when you've helped people install. Have you ever gone through anyone's panty drawer? Yes. Yes. Christy, go ahead. You better listen. Because Nicholas Lee Hinkley is accused of taking souvenirs from his female customers and sending them the Jody Foster. He's charged with larceny in a building, a felony punishable by up to four years in prison. A duffel bag was found in the home where Hinckley is staying. Contained 78 pairs of women's panties. Hello. Sex toys and home videos. Hinckley's pleaded innocent and is free on $5,000 bond. He's due back in court next week for a preliminary hearing. The detective in the case. You see this guy's name? Jason Kick. K I, K. Of the Ottawa County Sheriff's Department. You know, he just keeps getting harder to follow. That's good. Hey, Chick, do you really have one of those plasma TVs? Yeah. Tom would say plasmoid. They are so expensive. You know how much plasma I have to sell? No. Is that what they fill those up with? Come on. The reds are brilliant. I did not know that. Would it be cool, though, if your name was. Your last name was Kick? Yeah, I'd be. All right. And if. I wonder if the guy. He's a. He's a detective. Yeah. Just keep getting hotter. What's his first name? Jim. Jason. Jason. Sure it's not a long eye. Because if it was Richard, he'd be. Because if it was Richard, he'd be a. A. He could be Dick Kick. And actually, since if he's a detective, he'd be a private. A private Dick. Dick Kick. Kick. Yeah. Thanks. I think we should have gone kite. In retrospect, that would be more offensive. Yeah, it would be. Wow. Private Dick Kick and the Muskegon Panty Caper. I have something going on in the other room. He wants your attention. Oh, your rearview mirror thing. Didn't you have a Rearview mirror so you could see our producer. What happened to that? I'm just making conversation. That's a good idea. No, I didn't know that that was it. It blocked my view of you, Bob. That's a slow pitch one but considering the size of the crater, I'll leave if I fall off a ladder. How could you possibly be blocked of your view of me? Am I not crammed into this room? There's barely room for you for. By the way, make a note to the engineer to re. Grease the door. Ouch. More Twinkies on this. You know, every time now though, this is kind of a left handed thing I'm doing because every time I go out across this great country of ours, I get this now. Well, you're not that fat. I got a brother. It's twice as fast. Here we so that's nice. You'll like this. They're doing you a favor. Dateline St. Paul, Minnesota Associated Press the poor will have to eat well in Minnesota if a new junk food ban goes into effect. What? The state wants to forbid the use of food stamps to buy soda pop and candy. Just a damn minute. Minnesota officials are asking for federal permission to become the food police. The ban lead approval from the state legislature before going into effect. But you can still buy smokes and fortified wine. No, not. No, you can't. You can't buy. Now some people, some anti poverty activists say the state has no business looking into the cupboards of poor people. Right. But here's under the proposal, this is, this is why I'm reading this. Hershey bars would be banned, but not KitKat bars. Why you want to figure this one out, Christy? Because there's bread and wafer in it. Kit Kats are cookies. Bob, you are a genius. KitKat bars are made with flour and therefore not considered to be a candy. This. Wow. This takes. This takes the cake. Shamu. I think the word you're looking for. See, I get accused, I do nothing. I make one under the radar comment about the Richter scale and, and. Which I wasn't gonna do. And you throw out love, love, love. And so that means Twinkies and Hostess cupcakes and everything else would be open. Yeah, Singers. So they want poor people to be healthier and to live longer. But you know, study after study shows you can't control what people are gonna do. And if you give people money, they'll do what they're gonna do with it no matter what you do. Yes, but if the poor die, don't they get off the dole quicker chick. What? Yeah, that's what it is. You know, it's just. They're just poor. So after mom gets a day off from the nudie bar and she has to feed the kids. How about Hulk? If she leaves the trailer long enough. Enough to get the kid's latest uncle to miss. Really? To mix a fresh bath of meth. Are you. She goes to the 711 to do her grocery shopping cliche. Are you saying that doesn't exist, what you've just described? I think it does. I'd like to pretend that. I'm sorry. I. Sorry. I read the story. Do you know across the country that meth labs are becoming so popular? You know what the big problem is now? No, what's the big problem? Parentless children. Because the rule is if you have a meth lab and you're taken in, the kids go to foster care. And there's. There's not enough foster care for all the kids that are going away. You know, there's no common cause of the meth labs. I'm just telling you. What if it's a family enterprise? What if the kids are involved? If they're going to the pharmacy and stealing the cold medication. Well, I think it's okay then. It's okay. You know, this crime family. Excuse me, I just want to interrupt for one second. Soprano, break the third wall here. So where's the big pot of comedy gold at the end of your meth lab? You were saying that all those. What you described, the stripper mother who is married to. Not married, living with two kids, that her latest uncle has to set up the meth lab. Right. You're saying that doesn't exist? No, but I was taking your kind of logic saying everyone who. Who's poor is poor. For that reason, I was saying just give these people the money. Let them buy what they want to buy. You're not going to be able to control them. Okay, that's true. You know, some states. Oh, gosh, some states. When they tax your groceries, some states don't have any retail tax at all. But others do. And sometimes it depends what you're buying if there's a tax or not. Right, right. There's no tax on, for example, bread. Bread. But there is on toilet paper and paper towels. Yeah. The government's so good at sticking their noses into everything and making life that much more difficult to get through. But anyway, so in Minnesota. Be careful. If you're struggling right now, you may. May not be able to buy a Hershey bar. Yeah, but you can Get a Kit Kat, which I guess is. I like Kit Kats better than Hershey bars. The Kit Kat people, Hershey, they make a great product. No, I don't know, Chick, since you seem to be an authority for people who are meth. Are you an addict if you're a meth person? I don't know. Sure, it could be. You're a meth addict. Do you prefer Kit Kat to Hershey? No. You like sweet sodas, Orange pop. That's a big orange pop. You didn't eat at all because you're all hyped up. No. You like orange Grape. Really sweet drinks doesn't make all your teeth fall out. Do you eat more? And I'm really talking about meth addicts, not you so much. No, I don't think you do eat mine. Maybe I should get hooked on meth. Maybe then you would be happy. Doesn't it make your teeth fall out though? I don't know about that. But actually Hershey, it drains all the joy from your life and makes you and all your friends miserable. So Hershey makes Kit Kat bars, you know. Oh, they do? Yeah. So it's win win. It's a win win for the Hershey. And I think it does make your teeth fall out. Cuz it's actually an amusement park. It's actually meth amphetamines. But you can't say that. FDR too. Meth amphetamines. Now I read this and I, I ask you, Chick, not to comment, okay? So try to hold back. What if I. What if, what if it's too strong? Try not to go to either of your big comedy roads today. The Anne Frank hunk and the meth hunk. Hey, I started the Anne Frank hunk. He started the Anne Frank. And I do think you'd be a guy to get Anne Frank a drum set. And you, you grabbed the ball and ran down the field. Dateline Beijing. China's largest adult only combined sexuality museum and theme park opened in Guangdong province. Hard to resist saying something, isn't it? It's the only one in the entire country because China's big. Yes, it's an adults only sex museum and theme park in China. I can't read the names of the attractions due to restrictions on actually naming anatomical rides. But you can say where the province is. Yeah, well, it's a place. 2400 square meter sex museum is located not far from Hong Kong. It's believed to be the biggest museum in China according to the Xinhua News agency. Yeah, because China really doesn't have any other antiquities or any kind of history. I mean, the sex thing would probably be the biggest attraction. It's well known for a large natural stone that looks like a male member. Did you see this? Kind of like our Washington Monument? Kind of, yes. And a cave that looks like the female equivalent. They also have carved rocks shaped like naked breasts. The mountain was listed on February 13th as one of the 28 World Geoparks by the United nations cultural arm, UNESCO. So isn't that nice? Kids under 12 get in free. No, it's adults only. Adults only. You know, all the words in Hong Kong and China always sound like sound effects from cartoons. Don't they sing Huang Dong? I guess it's a net. So it's a natural formation. Formation that they. Okay, so it's kind of like our Mount Rushmore then. Kind of. But they're natural. It's actually a natural. Mount Rushmore is not a natural formation. I think it is. It isn't. I thought that slide by me in the rain and God, that's one of the most amazing things. Yeah, we let that know. We know if we're natural. It would be of the Lord Jesus carved by the great hair man in the sky that Christie worship. It would be Surfer Jesus. Right. So anyways, over there in China, they've got the natural stone. I can't say the joke. You'll have to build your own. But the punchline is stalactite. Very nice. Thank you. You. It's a rock formation that's only 18 years old. Let's take a break. Let's take a break. I'm sorry. Coming up next on the Bob and Tom Show. Greg Warren is in studio. That'll be next. So come on back. It's the Bob and Tom Show. Hi there. I'm Nicole Khalil, host of this is Woman's Work, where together we're redefining what it means, what it looks and feels like to be doing woman's work in the world today. From boardrooms to studios kitchens to coding dens, we explore the multifaceted experiences of today's woman, confirming that the new definition is whatever feels true and right and real for you. We're torching the old playbook and writing our own rules. Who runs the world? You decide. Follow and listen to this is Wooms Work, part of the Believe Network on your favorite platform. The brightly lit Christmas greeting in the front yard of Rusty Simpkins National Home has once again irritated townsfolk who driven around and viewing Christmas displays. I guess it helps to realize that Rusty is dyslexic when you read the colorful sign that says the first Leon. Merry Christmas from Q95. Hi, honey. Marge Shot here. And this is my new show, Smoke Em if you got him. A chance for your favorite celebs to light up, kickback and sound off. What a show today, honey. My guest flew in all the way from the North Pole. Everybody's favorite fat man. Jolly old Saint Nick, Santa Claus. What are you smoking, honey? Ho, ho, ho. No thanks, Margie. I got the pipe here. That's all I need. Sanny, thanks for taking time out of your schedule for little Margie. I know you've got to be totally jammed up about now. Honey, things are a bit hectic around here at the old workshop. Even more than usual, just before C day. Oh, for one thing, those crackpots at PETA keep breaking into the barn and freeing the reindeer. Claim I abuse the dumb beast by making them fly around the world. Well, I must admit, hauling your lard ass can't be any kind of picnic for Rudy and the boys. If you want to talk about abuse, what about me? I spend my entire Christmas Eve looking down the business end of nine reindeer rectums. So there's no potty breaks along the way? Well, no. I'm gagging on the stink of burnt cheese and dodging butt burgers. It ain't pretty, Margie. And to top things off, some of my elves are threatening to go out on strike. Those ungrateful little piss ants. I told you years ago, honey, you should outsource to the Indonesians. Hell, they'll tackle any kind of job. And you know they work cheap. I got a swarthy guy who comes over once a month, puts on a snorkel mask and cleans out Margus septic tank all the time. It's getting backed up because I keep flicking the Marlboros into the toilet whenever I have a sit down. Which, after my little problem was cleared up, seems to be happening about 30 times a day. Hey, how's Mrs. Claus? Is she still trying to fatten you up? Well, Margie. What? Actually, the missus and I have separated. Shame. Marge is sorry to hear that. Well, actually, I think it's good for us to be apart for a while. Why? Santa's got certain needs. You know, coming down a chimney once a year just ain't cutting it anymore. You know what I'm saying? Marge, do you have any idea how much strange I could be getting right now? No. We're talking Rolling Stones. Road Mong times 10. I mean, think about it. It's like a year long call concert tour all crammed into one night. You mean you get offers from the gals while you're working, honey? Ho, ho, ho. Are you me? I spill more than Antonio Banderas has ever seen. Oh, there I am, Marge. Sneaking into houses and apartments all over the world with millions of horny women who are alone on Christmas and looking for love. Bingo, bango. I'm in and out and on my merry way. What a treat. Beats the hell out of stale cookies and warm milk. Oh, it's Marlboro time. I'm Marge Schatzin. Let's get the out of here. So long, honey. So, Sanni. Oh, what about Margie? Did you get my letter? Honey? Don't you worry, Margie. You were borderline naughty. But Santa likes that in a woman. You'll get just what you asked for on Christmas morning. A carton of smokes and pictures of Ed Asner naked with his back hair and curlers. I can't wait. Merry Christmas, Santa. How about a couple of jugs of nice warm Christmas milk for your trip? Oh, Marge. Hey, I might have a belly that looks like a bowl full of jelly, but geez, at least it didn't hit the floor. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show here on Christmas morning 2024. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. If there's one person in this world that knows peanut butter, it's comedian Greg Warren. Once again, our guest is Greg Warren. His new special is a video entitled Greg Warren the Salesman. And you can Google it and find out where. Just go to Nateland on YouTube. That's very exciting, Tom. They're gonna do a cool thing too, where Greg and Nate will be chatting live with whomever's there for that first hour. Oh, right there on the YouTube chat. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, it'll be fun. You can ask questions, you can comment comments. Yeah. And then. And then now let's ask you. You called Greg G.W. is that correct? A lot of people buy their initials. Hey, Ace. I like it. I like it. Yeah. AC Knows how to do it. Fdr. Yes. CM doesn't. Care for fdr, everybody. Yeah, sure. As fresh as today's headlines. Fdr. What did his friends call him? F. Wheels. Willie, legally, one of us has to leave today. No matter we're married. That would be such a cool nickname. Wheels. I mean, did they call him Frank? I don't know. Here comes Frankie. Rolls around just like that old expression. Great and very insensitive. Minds think alike. Yes, yes, Frank, you nutty socialist, you. Come on. We know you want to be a dictator. We know. Greg, you have a. Your career as a wrestler, very distinguished. You did very, very well. And did you have a nickname as a wrestler? Were you like the presser or the Presser? Presser. The sit out. I think they called me the warden. Yeah, they did. Why is that? Yeah, lock them up, huh? Yeah, they're a defensive wizard. Yeah, you'd lock them up. That's amazing. Actually, you know, I was. I was pretty good. Well, I know you were an all American, but I didn't start all that good. My freshman year. We had to wrestle. University of Northern Iowa. And I had a. Iowa's not known for wrestling, though. Yeah, no, they are. And this team, they were like, ranked third in the country or something. And I had a bad match. I, like, didn't cut my weight right. And I just. I ran out of gas in the third period and I just could not. I was on the mat and I couldn't get up. I just couldn't move. And the referee was like, making fun of me. It was a big crowd. At one point, there's a thing called stalling. And he hit me for stalling like, twice. Then he just pounded the mat and he goes, are you okay down there, son? And the crowd started laughing like it was a def jam show. Like, this guy's killing. And my coach never let me forget that war. If I had one bad practice. Warren, that reminds me of when you laid down at Northern. Warren laid down at Northern Iowa. Even if I had a good practice, Warren, you got after it today. Good job, Bunner. You sucked. You remind me of when Warren laid down in Northern Iowa. Like, I mean, every. And he said. He always said that. He said reminded to all the time. Like it reminded him. Like it was always on his mind. I don't think he needed to be reminded of him. I think every morning the alarm clock went off and he was like, I better not lay here like Warren did at Northern Iowa. Do you think. Do you think there's any connection between that moment in your life and. And ending up in Stand up when you heard that crowd laughing at you in the worst possible time. Maybe to. I've never killed as hard as that referee. Killed people standing up, walking around the rows. Oh, yeah, man, they were getting up Red Warren album is called not as Funny as the Referee by GW I like G Dub a little better, Ace, if you don't mind. G Dub. Yeah, yeah, that sounds more Rapish. You know what doesn't sound rapish is rapish. Tom knows what's him. Yeah, that's the contemporary way to title things. They'll be. That'll be the next. That'll be the next obscure cable television show. Hip hopish. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got, what, like five of those now? It's a reference to the show Blackish. There's another one. Grownish, I believe. Yeah, abc. It's not really obscure. Oh, well, you know, abc. It is obscure. I don't think I get that on my TV anymore. You guys see Finnish. Ish. About the people that are kind of from Finland. I started it, but I couldn't finish. Have you seen the Assassin? Have you seen Fish? Ish. It's about jam bands that are starting in Vermont, and they're working real hard, but they're not all the way to Fish. I thought it was about that guy from Barney Miller. He finally died, by the way. Vagoda's dead? Oh, yeah. You know, but he was one of those guys everyone thought was dead, but he did. Like a Francisco Franco. He lingered. He finally just laid there, there like Warren did. Look at him just laying there. I swear, I think every morning. Look at those pancakes on my plate laying there like Warren did. That dog doesn't want to go for a walk. He's laying on the floor like Warren did it. Northern Iowa. I named that dog Warren. I think that's why I haven't gotten married. I'm worried about that part where in the wedding where they're like, does anybody have anything to say? Speak now. If Warren laid down at Northern Iowa, don't marry Warren. He's gonna lay down in your marriage wearing a Mizzou wrestling sweatshirt in the crowd. That's hilarious. Now, Greg, I have been told you have something you need to set up for me over here. Oh, no. Yeah, there was. Sorry, guys, I have a. An outtake. There was an incident during the taping. Yeah, here's. This is real. It's. Yes. It's nice to have your friends that are, you know, famous, infamous in the. In the audience. These guys were there, and this was recorded in Lexington, Kentucky. This is. This is an outtake from the special. Didn't make it in the special, but it made the special a little difficult. Here we go. Here. All those schools have cheers. You're, like, creepiest by far, Arkansas. That's not it, ma'am, but. What did you say? Chick? Yes, ma'am. Chick McGee from the Bob and Tom show is here. Thank you for pointing that out. Thank you, Chick, for ruining my show. I didn't say a damn thing. The Trickster, ladies and gentlemen. The Trickster. I didn't. I was just sitting there. Yeah, he really was minding his own business. No man. And that was like a perfect moment. Things were cooking real good and this lady just goes ch. So did you. You double back and start the bit again or did you just use the one from the next show? I think we wound up cutting that segment anyways, but. Oh, okay. Yeah, that whole sort of mascot segment. But it's. But yeah, and we're gonna release it as like a clip or something. But yeah, it was, it was, it was a little difficult. Yeah, sorry. Just had to steal the show. It sounds great though. I mean, the audio of that. Oh yeah. Every now and then heard comedians recorded live and I. What were they thinking? Oh, we got a lot of equipment there. Well, once again, it'll be visible on an electronic device near you. Including toasters. I. I just told during the break be on the YouTube at 6pm tonight. That's right. You think this is helping when you talk like that? Who? Cuz you could watch it on a TV or on your phone or on your laptop. So long as you have YouTube. Yes. How long will it take you to find this? How about screens? Oh, I got this new TV set, new house. Oh, this is. That's not going to help anything at all. There's YouTube TV. No, I know, but a new piece of electronics while you turn this thing on, it looks like you're at the London airport. There's like 5,000. You know, look at this channel. I can, I can go to Kathmandu. Lots of. They're all. I really want to do. They're all icons. I really, really, really want to. Please just call you go. Finley. You got your 10 year old daughter. She knows exactly where YouTube is on the TV. Finley, get in here. Type in Greg Warren. And the great thing is Finley can watch it with you. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. I'm a huge Greg Warren fan. I'm also a fan of Josh Arnold. No, of. Of my daughter Finn when she sings the. The outro to sports. Oh, well, I think we're not done. Tom Brady reportedly threatening a lawsuit over an AI generated standup comedy special called Greg Warren the Salesman. No, that's not what it's called at all. According to reports, comedians Will Sasso and Chad Colton Ruthkin helped create the viral hour long special that featured an animated version of Brady telling dirty jokes. Oh. The pair revealed on the podcast called Dude Z. Oh, God. That. Shortly after releasing the fake comedy special on their Patreon page, they received a cease and desist letter from Brady's attorneys. The letter states that the AI simulated version of Brady blatantly violates his rights, and if they do not comply with the former quarterback's demand hands, a lawsuit will be forthcoming forthwith. Sasso and Coltkin said they took down the comedy special, but not before mocking the legal threat they received. Will Sasso Three Stooges movie He nails Curly. Nails it. I don't mean he nails Curly. I mean does a fine job, right? Nice guy. Hey, spread out. You know, I did see the Three Stooges where he, Curly, sets on a fire hydrant and of course it becomes loose. Somehow water shoots out of Curly's mouth. Great bit. Boy, that's riding right. No, the one where Curly singing operations. Opera. Dressed up as a woman. Man, that's dressed up like a woman. Okay, if you don't think that's funny, it's all funny. He's got his hands up. If you don't think that's funny, you don't have a sense of humor. That's wrong. I can still remember the melody from being a little boy. I haven't seen. I haven't seen it in 50 years. Don't recreate. It's so hilarious. And the people are buying it for a while. They're pulling the needle on the record. Oh, God, that's so nice. In any event, Will Sasso's hilarious. So I. But I guess they were. This is a Obviously a fake Tom Brady stand up thing. Well, Brady's discussed potentially doing stand up, right? I think he was. That was a. No, was the answer. He apparently had agreed to possibly doing a roast. I always a bad idea. The least funny format on American television, man. I'm with you, Tom. I don't care for the. I've hated them since I was a kid. I still See the thing is, when you were a kid, they were. They were good. When you were. They were friendly. The Friars Club era. Yeah. Dean Martin. Yeah. And the original Friars Club. What's her name? From Sanford and Son making fun of Dean Martin. Is. That's Luanda Page. Is that the Wanda Page? Apparently. You can shut up, wino. He didn't know she was in the studio. Yeah, and you're right, Tom. One of the bluest acts out there. Oh, she's filthy. She's so filthy. One of the filthiest I've ever heard. And. And yet, Greg Warren, one Of the cleanest. So, Greg Warren special. You happy now? Check. I'm give another plug. Unless you're sitting in a restaurant with Greg, in which case. My God, I don't do that anymore. I did. I did have a problem with that. Drew. Drew Hastings. Your voice control. And I swore a lot for a while. It was just stupid, but I. Drew Hastings used to talk about that all the time. My God. He sent me a message about that a couple of days ago. He did? Yeah. Are you still cursing? Are you still swearing around children in restaurants? It's a problem. I've seen it. I've seen it happen. If I may, anecdotally, I'm not trying to sell out Drew here. And I'm gonna be very delicate. Kit. When I was about 12, I came in here before school. And I'd be with you guys before I went to school. Yeah. Let Drew in the door. And as soon as Drew opened the door, he goes, well, look at this. Hey there, F. Stick. But he didn't say F. He's coming down on me. That's absolutely true. I know because I was there. Yeah, but that was before he had a son. Now I'm just glad he's alive. I've heard from him. He. He couldn't show up in Cincinnati. He had some. I think he had. He had Covid. Benji Fever, whatever it's called. Benji. You get it. You get it from a dog. Benji Fever's bad news. No, it's dung fever. Well, you get a. What's dung? Dung beetles. Right. Oh, is that what it is? I think. Okay. They have to test your dog. I'm sorry. Back to sports. What have we missed? Kenyan man was caught taking part in a women's chess tournament using a full burka as a disguise. I'm a pretty lady. What? I don't know. Is there an advantage? What a possible advantage would it be if it. Maybe it was a women's. Against women. So is there an advantage to being a man in a game of chess? I don't. I'm missing. No. Yes. I mean, you have higher brain power, Reasoning. Exactly. Intelligence. Really? Really. That's right. Kidding. I don't know how to play chess. But if you did, you'd be better than everyone. Okay. As the game of chess has taught us, the queen is the strongest player on the board. The king would beat the queen. No, the king can go one space and the queen. Queen can go anywhere. All across the board. Yeah. Didn't you see? Searching for Bobby Fischer, you moron. Still looking for a copy you see, the queen's gambler. I'm searching for. Searching for Bobby. Listening to you now, I understand why you think the Three Stooges is funny. Okay, so. I'm sorry. So this is Searching for Bobby Fischer. I couldn't find it. Don't you have a doctor's appointment? So this isn't that. Wait, I have a question. Is this that chess thing where they get up and box? No. No, it doesn't. That's a thing. I didn't know about boxing. That's a. That was a thing a few years back. I could do that. You'd go box for whatever, three minutes. Yeah. That's interesting. Kind of a brawn and brains. An opportunity to play chess and then have your brain pan rotated enough so that you end up with a drool cup for the rest of your life. I think I could do that. Really? Well, I mean, I'm an average. Probably a little below average chess player, but I can play. Can you box? I could. I think I could take a punch. Okay. Yeah. Well, let's find out. Put those two together. I almost beat Leo. This. There's this guy at the Starbucks that I used to go to. You said it like he was all of our friends. Leo. Leo's this homeless guy that was a genius at chess. And he would just sit there all day. Yeah, bowel control. You just sit there and play chess all day. And he'd beat everybody. And I almost beat him one time. It was. You know who beat Leo? Life. Life is really winning. If you're. Why you gotta take a shot at Leo, man. Get him home. He beat you so bad in chess, that's. You'll often see me in certain areas. Get a house, silly. Oh, I'm hating. Yeah, Just rubbing it in. I thought it would inspire them. It does. Now. Did you ever. And this once again, this new story. This is in Kenya. This man dressed in a burka to disguise himself so he could play in a women's chess tournament. Yeah. Did you ever wrestle a woman because you were an all American wrestler. Was there ever. No, I didn't. I mean, that. That was. There's certainly. That happened now. Women's wrestling is like the fastest growing sport in the country, but for a while before they had women. Is this on the legit college level? Yes. There's college programs now that have it. It's a huge thing internationally, it's in the Olympics. But for a while before they had it in the US they had to wrestle on the men's team. There was some of that But I never wrestled. A girl? Yeah. A woman. A lady. So you. Anyone want to take this for me? No. You've seen her wrestle? Have you seen her wrestle? No, but I've seen her box. Sometimes you just fish for the classics. No context. Great. Sometimes box means vagina. You know that. Seen one. Reaware. You gotta put that on some pictures of this. And what is considered a first for the Kenyan Chess Federation, a disciplinary committee is currently debating the proper punishment for the male player who disguised himself as a Muslim woman. By the way, Kenyan chess. Yes. Fast. Yeah. Yeah. That's because they got lions chasing them. Hey, we gotta get this game done before old Roar head gets over here. They just named the lion Roarhead. Not a lot of work. Yeah. Couldn't you come up with something? The Bob and Tom show continues in just a minute with more from the Christmas live day of 1998. We'll have it for you next on the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher here in the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a segment from Christmas Live Day 1998 with comedian musician Tim Cavanaugh. This is the Bob and Tom show right now. Comedian Tim Cavanaugh from Chicago has joined us. Oh, hi, Timmy. It's good to see you. Good morning, everybody. Hi, Tim. This is a great live show, Live Christmas show, Very excited about this. Now, I know you have a couple of Christmas songs and a special guest guitar. Sandy Williams has joined us this morning. Yeah. This is really cool. Does Tim have the One Minute Christmas Song? The One Minute Song will not be heard this week so that we can present you this special live Christmas edition. Wow. I see. Okay. I didn't see that in the contract, but the One Minute Song will be back right after vacation. Okay. Gotcha. It's gonna be good. Okay, what are you gonna open with? We're gonna open with a song that not only entertains, but educates. Okay. You know, because it's very important. A lot of the kids are using drugs around the Christmas time. And I was talking to General Barry McCaffrey, the drug czar, and he said, Tim, if you could come up with a new anti drug Christmas song, something get the message across during the holiday season. I've been working on it and what the heck with the Bob and Tom Band. We're gonna try to knock this thing out. This. All right, let's hear. Here we go. Let's have a drug free Christmas this year. First. Forget cocaine. Try eggnog. They're the same. We're pretty Near. Spend the day on Grandma's farm, not on pharmaceuticals. Let's have a cold free crack, freedom free Christmas this year. If you have visions of sugar plums dancing in your head get off that stuff. You've had enough. You're gonna end up dead. We've done drug tests up at the North Pole. The results are frightening. A sordid scene unfolds. Frosty Flunk. You know he's called the Snowman for a reason. We found why Rudolph's nose is wet. Throughout the Christmas season, Santa's elves work round the clock. You see, they know this dwarf named Doc who visits now and then with candy from his friend called Dopey. Let's have a drug free Christmas this year. The only thing that's blowing snow Is Dad's new John Deere. Now when you talk about your great gram it's a relative. Let's have a smoke free snack, free toque, free Christmas this year. Let's have a drug free Christmas this year. Let's have a nice free base, free buzz, free smoke, free smack, free token, free coke, free crack, free do, free tooth, free bone, free loot, free speed, free pill, free wheat, free grass, free hash, free roach, freeze dash, free Christmas this year. All right. Okay. Tim Kavanaugh. Sort of a public service announcement. Absolutely right. Tell you what. And I'm not saying that I had to use some sort of a drug to get me through that one, but. Boy, that speeds up at the end a little bit. That was good. Now we have another Christmas song from. We do have Another Christmas. This is. This was a song that was also sort of commissioned. I understand. This is a song that. Actually, my Uncle Pat, who was always a big Bing Crosby fan. Who isn't and who isn't And. And that song. Thank you. I never liked him at all. Sorry, it's kind of a rhetorical question. Actually, you're really not supposed to answer that since everybody's a big fan. If Tom was a Crosby, he would have been beaten the most. That's why I didn't like. I'm sorry. Look at how that David Crosby turned out. I know. God's sake. Ruined his liver. Drugs. Absolutely. So. So my Uncle Pat, a big fan of Bing Crosby, and Uncle Pat passed away not too long ago, which. Which was kind of a shame. It was weird, though. We always thought there was 100% Irish. And they did a blood test on him right before he died. They found out he was half scotch, half tequila. The weirdest thing we've ever seen right there. A good sense of humor, though. At the funeral, he was laying in his casket with a T shirt that said my soul went to heaven. And all I got was this lousy T shirt that was kind of cool right there. But I digress. He really loved that white Christmas song. And he always said to me, tim, if you could come up with the White Christmas of the 90s, so what a big hit that would be. And it would really make me feel good. And I've worked on one, and with the help of Sandy Williams, special guest guitarist, and. And Steve Alley, I thought we'd try the new 90s version of white Christmas. All right. Bing used to sing about a white Christmas every year. That's what I get. Christmas with my father, folks, is quite an occasion. It's kind of fun to spend some time with jolly old Caucasians. It's another white Christmas It's a honky holiday Jason and Heidi and all those. The little whities are waiting for Santa to arrive. It's Christmas Eve by the fire we're relaxing Relatives drop by they're all right for Anglo Saxons we sing carols but we have no sense of rhythm Especially Uncle Fred Frank who's always a beat off. It's another white Christmas It's a honky holiday When Santa points at my three sisters and says ho, ho, ho. No offense is taken. Cause we're honkies, don't you know Grandma says she's chilling so we get her more cocoa It's a honky holiday Honky holiday. Oh, that is, that is one white Christmas. I'm tearing up. Thank you. Tim Cavanaugh, Sandy Williams on the guitar, Ed Goss on percussion. Steve Ali on the piano on that one. Do you have time for one more? Absolutely, yeah. Do we have time for the. The religious Christmas song? You know, you know, not a lot of people know this. Before going into comedy, I taught religion at an all girls Catholic high school. And I know you're thinking, man, we hope those kids got enough their afterwards. And one Christmas, the nuns came up to me, they said, Mr. Kavanaugh, it would be so cool if you could come up with a new Christmas song. Something religious, but with modern music that the kids could get into. I've done just that. So again, this song retells the Christmas story with Mary and the little baby. Do we do a little audio testing? Are we okay? Everybody's happy. Okay, good. All right, this is a serious Christmas song then. This is a very serious Christmas song. It's got a lot of religious overtones to it. It's Kind of an updated version of the Christmas story. Okay, here we go. Elect her nice home in Nazareth. Traveling to the town of Bethlehem. She, she looks roly poly. Cause inside there's something holy. She's about to deliver salvation to man. Shepherd's make their gift lists proud. Merry starting Christmas roll and rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling toward redemption. Mary ends up in a stable. There she has the child. And Joseph says, O me. Oh, my teeny little messiah. Let's call him Mickey. But the name didn't stick. Oh, shepherd birds make their gift list. Crowd Merry star Christmas. Rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling towards me. Dancer. Oh, well, the baby was born. I just rounded not. You know it looked divine. You know it looked all right. And the angel sang G L O R R R R R R Gloria Yellow and excelsior glory? Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria. Oh, yeah. Jim Gavinho along with the bot and Tom band. Merry Christmas, Tim. Beautiful. Coming up on this Christmas morning. Next hour, some Christmas tunes for you and comedian DJ Dangler. But coming up next, a robot restaurant and a sewer truck spill. Can't wait to hear that. This. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Merry Christmas from all of us here at the Bob and Tom show. And welcome back. This is Christopher speaking for all of us. We wish you a very, Very Merry Christmas 2024. Coming up in this segment, a robot restaurant and a sewer truck spill. And Pat Godwin. Hey, Chick. He's in the performance room. You know I am. How many mistakes a morning you think you make today? Three? I think at least double digits. There's Josh Arnold. Good morning's young. There's Ace Cosby. I'm Chick mcgee, the man, the dick. What the hell's wrong with you? Busting balls. Hey, we're having a good time. We do. Come on. Bus balls. I very much enjoyed your tribute to the dog show. Who you gonna believe, me busting balls or you? Him with hollow plastic somewhere in the middle. Yeah. Oh, you're really great pet. You. You may recall the idea for this song stemmed I believe originated with a chick McGee thought. Yeah. Yesterday Chick sang that. I thought. Okay. The. The story. I didn't make any mistakes. The Westminster Dog Show. It's unbelievable. The wrong button. Oh, sorry. Oh, geez. What's going. Stop. Oh, good. The hell is going on my. This gizmo. What are these called? Yeah. Nope, not your fault. That's a mouse. It's broken. Yeah, mouse break. It's dead. Who do you think believes that when you say stuff? It's wireless. So they the opinion he must have of us to think we believe this. Yes. Look, I'm dazzling, though. This one's plugged in now, but this one doesn't work as well. Certainly. It drags real slow, this show. Get. Get a load of this. I got an email from. And we have to read it because guys from Michigan this way. Do they get a load of me? Mike from Hillside. That Batman. The bad Batman movie. There's a restaurant chain starting in Canada. Tom, pay attention to me. I'm listening. I don't think you are. There's a restaurant st chain starting in Canada. There's no staff in the restaurant. You walk into a computer screen, a face comes on and asks for your order. She will help with your purchase. And then it's all mechanics and AI in the back. They bring your purchase boxed out to you, and you go home. Who does? Restaurant's name is. It comes out on conveyor belt, I guess. Oh, it's called box. Box, apostrophe D. Boxed. Wow. I wonder if it's any good. I'm gonna go because there aren't any other people there. There you go. Yeah. Don't you want to break bread with your fellow man? No. Isolation is not good for people. Superman, Fortress of solitude. That's all I'm saying. But he didn't live in there all the time. As soon as Lois started talking, he flew off. Remember that gigantic key that he had? Oh, yeah. Those were great days. You lock that mouth. The point is, the Westminster dog show winner was this very unusual dog for short. They call them pbgvies. I might as well not even have spoke griffon von or something. Well, your French is great. They look. They look like little Benji dogs. Little cute little guy. But his name is Buddy Holly. It looks like Einstein from back to the future. Oh, yeah, it does. Very good. Yeah. And. And Buddy Holly was paraded all over New York City yesterday because they. They do the dog show now. They don't do it at the garden. They do it at the tennis. The Billie Jean King tennis. But interestingly enough, the. The dog, his name is Buddy Holly, and he refuses to fly. Very demanding. But pat, you have a tribute to this little critter, the one I stumbled on earlier. No. This is your opportunity to get it right. All of my love, all of my grooming. I treat you like you are human. Good boy. When you're with me. Good boy. The judges see that you are a Patrick. Other handlers, they be a hating. But you're number one. There's no debating. Good boy. PBGV Good boy. When you're with me the judges see that you are pedigree little tribute to Buddy Holly and good boys. Good doggies. Good doggies. Now do they penalize the dogs if they defecate in the middle of the match? I think they should match reward them. I think they should. I think dumping should be a category. Didn't that perfect coil There's a new. A new fee that crapped last time or really or did she. Maybe she just barked. Aren't they immediately put down okay. No. I'm sorry I brought up hey Christy. Anything else happening in the news? Drivers on a Colorado highway got into a bit of a mess when a truck filled with sewage spilled its contents on the road. Sewage? Like poop and pee. The Colorado State patrol said the sewer truck had a spill in the Eastbound lanes of I76 6 in Adams county not east covering the road highway covering the road at nearby cars highway to Ventura Highway. He brought that up this morning at 4:00. He wanted to do it. He did. Yes, he did. Wanted you to put bend to he went poop on the highway. Congratulations to you for putting the brakes on. We wouldn't be doing the story if these cars and roads weren't covered with excrement. Sure. Sure. A witness Mr. Nico Blankenship told KUSA he was driving behind the truck when quote some kind of dun came spewing over the top. Some kind of dung. He said tonight welcome to some kind of dog. Now here we have a pile. What do you think that is some kind of dumb. I like Pat. I like that. Enter the d tribute to the association. Washed his car several times. Wiped down his car with baby wipes but the smell still lingers. Sick. Blankenship said quote I'm just thankful my windows and sunroof were closed. Sure. Sure. Like around here there are all those trucks with the rocks. Rocks. Yes. You got to stay back. But if you're. If you're in back of a thing carrying sewage. Same deal. Talk about a dump truck. The interstate was closed for several hours while crews cleaned up the mess. Somebody working to need a bigger squeegee as they cleaned up the Yikes. Took hours to clean it up. Yikes. Wow. Look what they've done to the street. I bet they love skid marks because you those are things in your underwear too Chick. Yeah. Have fun with us. It's all crap. Look what they've done to my song. Song. Boy, I hated that. Who did that? How about look what they dung to myself did they turn it Into a commercial. Commercial? I think they did. As part of a protest. Okay. Oh, that's awesome. Would you, for any reason, if you could please answer this honestly? Would you have ever dated Joan Baez for any reason whatsoever? I don't know. Ms. Baez. My God, she brings that whole Woodstock thing to a screeching halt. Are you all having fun out there? Here's Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. Thanks. Joan, will you leave? I'd rather watch Quill again. Bring Richie Haven's back. Oh, Richie was great. I like that one. Of course. Freedom. Yeah, I'd rather watch Richie Haven. By far. Could we move on? What, what, what happened to him during the break? I don't know. Did someone get like one of those back scratchers and shove it up there and see we can get the bug out? That's weird. I've been shopping for back scratching. That is weird. Yes. I can't. I don't know if I want an actual hand or like, like the metal one that has a really some come kind of a curved. The hand ones are the funniest. What happened to the one you had that was made out of wood? That's. I have, I have that one. I have that one at home. You want for here? I, I, I can bring mine back if you would like to use it. Nope. Cuz it's been on your naked back. No thanks. Whatever happened to that brush I bought you from Uranus fudge factory? Where it's, It's a brush, but it's just the handle and it says a brush for bald men. Hilarious. Or no bristles. Very, very funny. Where is it? What'd you do with it? It's somewhere. Sure it's flammable. Thoughtful gift. Very funny gift. Have you washed your hair in the the new shower yet at the new house? I did this morning. How's that work? Got my baby shampoo. Have you made love in the new house yet? My baby shampoo. Have you christened the house in every room? Every room that. Have you at least one room beyond. Just answer us about your sex life. Going to discuss it? I'll answer. No way. No way. Kelly has needs. Are they being met? I don't know this guy's name, but they do have a pool now remember you did admit to us that you tried the dirty talk and it didn't work. Remember last week? Oh, that's right. I didn't know that meant in general. I'm meeting. Yes, you are. Whatever that. What is that though? It's a clothes shaver. You don't have A clothes shaver. Oh, he doesn't wear sweaters. You make sure all your clothes brand. I haven't worn a sweater in 50 years. I hate sweaters. And by the way, as soon as you get a sweater vest, just kill yourself. You're done. There's no. There's no. There's no point in going on anymore. Don't you realize that the list of things you hate versus the list of things you like, there's no comparison. There's far more many things you hate. Yeah, that's because I'm alive. I look around. Come on. See? And you got on me because I don't want to go out anywhere or do anything because he's out there. He's out there? Yeah. You could run into him. Fair enough. You don't want to do that. So you're on the Internet one day and you're googling around and you see an ad for a sweater shaver. No, no, no, no. I heard about it, heard tell about it and I thought, gee, well, you have cool friends. They sit around talking about sweater shavers and stuff. Stuff. I got one. Mine's not near as cool as that one. I think I need to upgrade. I have two. One for here. Let me tell you something. No one, no one can spend a dollar like Chick McGee. That's right. Is that because I spend a lifetime, well, several lifetimes answering to someone. Now, is that a rechargeable shaver or is that. You plug it in, you plug it into your computer and it charges in the computer. I tell you what. I have seen him pre sweater shaver. Yeah, it does look like a new shirt. It. It. It really does. Freshens anything. Sweatpants. Oh, it's amazing. Use it on Ace your sweatpants pill. Do aces back, will you? Well, I have. I have marino wool sweatpants. Of course I did lose the cord. Power cord to the. The back thing you gave me. The back massager. Use it. What are you talking about? The thumper that I gave you for Christmas. You know the thumper. Oh, that's great. I can use that thing. That white. That white thing. You threw it away. They're black. Black. They're black. I got the small one. He got the small one because it's white. Next up on the Bob and Tom show, comedian DJ Dangler and some bucket list items. We'll have that for you coming up. Just a few minutes. Minutes. It's the Bob and Tom Show. This is the Bob and Tom show on Christmas morning, 2024. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. This segment of the Best of the show features comedian DJ Dangler talking about some bucket list items. This is the Bob and Tom program. Hello. Once again. Thanks for joining us. Christy Lee is at the news desk. Hello. Chick Magee is at Sports Control. Smith. Morning. We've been asking people, God knows why, to use their fax machines this morning and. But they have to write us notes with their opposite hand. Yeah. So if you're a lefty, you do it righty. If you're righty, you do it lefty. Looking at these, I've noticed that everyone who does this, all of the handwriting looks exactly the same. It does, doesn't it? Yeah. Big block letters. But these are. These are. We got a huge stack of these. So we'll try to get some of these requests on for you before we get to that and before we meet our guests in the studio, because we have two lovely guests in the studio. And then Tim Cavanaugh's also here. It's already starting out. Hey, Tim Cavanaugh bought. Brought Godiva chocolates and Harry and David pears as a little Christmas offering. Thank you for the holidays. They're very good pear. Those pears are excellent. They're candied or something succulent, I don't know. No, they're not. They're just right. But they're big and juicy and. I don't know. Taco tree. Pardon me. Wow. To a taco tree. Can we make like. Oh, partridge and a pear. Pear trees. Partridge and a taco tree. We also have a Cosette and Teresa from our band that will be joining Tim momentarily. But first, we had a news story about a Santa Claus school in Japan. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're confusing. We are? Yeah, there was a. Yeah, I guess it's a school. The guy went to school in Greenland. And he's the only certified Santa in Japan. Paradise Yamamoto. And he's teaching other Japanese how to become Santa Claus. Are you certified to be Santa? You have to go to Greenland. I guess this sounds like one of those government programs we're paying way too much for. He's received a degree from the International association of Authorized Santa Claus based in Greenland. Did you hear about the Santa that Christy took her daughters, too. He, like, builds yo yos and has his coat off and it's the working Santa. Oh, yeah, he's great. Toy shop table. I love that. Yeah, it's amazing. Well, here's a song about an Asian Santa. We have a song about that. Well, I dug around a little bit, and this Is something from a good friend of the show, Tim Wilson, who we've been featuring a little bit this morning. Last night we got an Oriental Santa Santa Claus Everything he brought us was made by the Japanese. He ate all the fortune cookies we left out for him Then he took our picture and hung it on our bonsai Christmas tree and I got a geisha girl and a seven A new ginzu knife My wife got a walk and a Wang computer she wanted all of our lives Then he brought us in and melt us down and quietly as a mouse we're the bank of Tokyo checkbook Respectfully bought our house Last night we got an Oriental Santa Claus he brought our youngest a Yamaha baby grand but all the boy could play for him was chopstick But I guess that's what the Christmas carols sound like in Japan. There you go. That is Tim Wilson, an Asian Santa Claus this morning. Oriental Santa. Okay, all right, we're done with that. All right. With us in the studio on this holiday show, we have comedian Tim Cavanaugh. Good morning, you guys. Are you gonna play something? I don't see your. You know what? We. We've actually. We're a little bit of a Christmas corral. Oh, kind of an acapella. That's exactly what we're gonna start with. No kidding. And, you know, we're not a great corral. We're not a bad corral. We're an okay corral. I was waiting for you guys to do that. Ladies. As puns go, pretty good. Come on. Now, the band. We have Cosette Myers. And we have Teresa Giles. Absolutely. We're very fine singers. And then there's Tim. And then there's me for comedic lightness purposes. And you know what? If we can, why don't we get this started? Cosette, I believe you get it started next fight. I heard that Santa cannot tell which website you visited. Hallelujah, hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah this Christmas, Uncle Jake's got a fiery tartan hairpiece. Hallelujah, hallelujah hallelujah, hallelujah I've got Pistons, Pacers tickets for Christmas Day. Hallelujah, hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah and I found a folding chair built for both distance and accuracy. Hallelujah, hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah who played Grandpa on the Monsters? I'm pretty sure that my gunnery is gone. Wow. Tim Cavanaugh on the Cabinet OK Corral. They make you sound actually good. I know they do. You know what? Hallelujah. Yeah, There's A parts of that say, that's not me. That's got song. Didn't really have a. Didn't really have an arc to it. It just kind of. Kind of random. No, it's the things you're very thankful for Christmas. Things you're thankful for Christmas. Can't tell what website you've been on. You know why? Because there are no Christmas cookies. But, you know, come on. That's two. Oh, my God. I don't get that. It's a computer joke. It's a computer joke. You can go to Internet options and delete cookies if you want to hide. Where if you do that, you can't get on the good sites. And that's. That's a man speaking from experience. It's a computer marker is what it is. It's like a bookmark. Okay. Sort of. Is that the only song the chorale's gonna do? No, we're actually going to reprise an old Tim Cavanaugh song, a Christmas song. And this one I do have to plug in a little bit, so. Oh, okay. Well, should we do a song here for a second? I mean, play something, or are you ready to go here? I've got lots of requests this morning. So Tim is getting out his guitar, and this will be ready right now. Okay, give me one second. Okay, Give me a little bit of a strum on that baby, please. Okay, hang on. Could you bring the pitch pipe out again? That brings back all the memories of the old nuns. Remember, our nuns used to carry those around? Do you have one of those clicker things, too, that we have to genuflect when they do that? Didn't your nuns carry the pitch pipe? Yes, they always did. They always had it in their. Yeah, they had it in a row. They had secret pockets, man, where they got stuff so they could hit your knuckles in the right key. No, we always were singing and stuffing because singing is praying twice. Did they teach you that? No, I didn't hear that. I'll tell you, I don't know. Some of the songs I've heard singing is praying badly. Well, why don't we keep that theme going then? All right. Thanks for the support, Tom. We've got a Christmas song. Give me a strum on that. And this one. Okay. This one retells the Christmas story with Mary and the little baby Jesus. Hope you guys enjoy it. Here we go. Left her nice home in Nazareth Traveling to the town of Bethlehem she looks roly poly cuz inside there's something holy she's about to deliver salvation to men shepherd birds make their gift lists proud? Merry starting Christmas Rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling? Rolling toward redemption? Rolling toward redemption. Oh, yeah. I could get a job in a wedding band if I wanted to. Listen to that. Mary ends up in a stable there she has the child and Joseph says o me, oh my. A teeny little messiah? Let's call him Mickey. But the name didn't stick. Oh, shepherd's make their gift lists proud? Merry starting Christmas Rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling? Rolling toward redemption? Oh, medley oh, well, the baby was born at just round midnight? You know he looked divine? You know he looked all right? And the angels sang g l l o o r r r I h e o r I Gloria T yellow r I A Gloria Annex Chelsea stale glow Gloria tym Gavin on. You've never sounded better. I have to bring them every time. Thank you. All right. You guys have a regular gig now, really, because I can tell I am not going to be well. Welcome back. Without you guys. Amen. Thank you. Now, I think we're going to keep with our theme here, okay? Kind of the religious aspects of Christmas with this highly requested song. This is Pat Godwin and his take on adding more religiosity. Yeah, that's a word for the Christmas season. Absolutely. Let's put Christ back in Christmas? Right back where he beloved. Let's put Christ back in Christmas and back in your favorite Christmas songs. Frosty the snowman was Jesus Christ's best friend? He stood there melting by the cross until the very end? You better not shout, you better not cry you better not pout? I'm not telling you why Jesus Christ, Christ is coming again? Again. One more. Let's put Christ back in Christmas today? Right back where he belongs? Let's put Christ back in Christmas? And back in your favorite Christmas songs. Take it, pat. Jesus the long haired savior had a very shiny glow? And if you whoever saw it, you would call it a halo. Halo. Let's put Christ back in Christmas? True meaning of the season? Right back where he belong. Let's put Christ back in Christmas? And back in your favorite and back in your favorite and back in your favorite Christmas Jingle bells go, go to hell if you do not pray. Patty g. Pat Godwin. And let's put Christ back in Christmas. Every time I hear that line, Frosty the snowman was Jesus Christ's best friend. I gotta laugh. Yeah. It's interesting that we have kind of the arid holiday tradition of the reality of Christmas and then the. The whole Christmassy snow tradition. Yeah. Yeah. From Europe and Santa Claus and the North Pole. That Whole thing. Because Jesus wasn't born in the North Pole. No, he wasn't. So. Because if he had been a bit. There would have been room at the end because who the hell be there? That's right. But who would build an inn up there? Yeah, but the donkey would have frozen by the time they got. Yeah, see, that's why it's probably good the way it did. And I've frozen my ass a couple of Times. You see ESPN, they do the top 10 plays of the day. Every sports center or whatever they had to guide guy surfing in the Arctic Ocean or some wild thing. That's a guy who partially got thawed out from. Yeah, I mean he was wearing. He was waves in the Arctic. I thought it was just full of ice like tiny little waves somewhere where it's not quite as cold, I guess. Well, thank you very much. We're grabbed a couple quick news headlines from Christy Lee. Then we got to get to these left handed and right handed requests here. This one says Bob and Tom alone in office. I would like a stick to beat my cheap boss for Christmas. Oh wow. Signed Kathy. Kathy. I think what song she wants to hear. Oh yeah. With a stick. Here we go. Dear Santa, this is Billy from Dallas. I would like a Big Wheel with the air conditioning package, power steering, CD player and also a Sony PlayStation. Dear Santa, this is Raul from Venezuela. I want a stick to burn for heat. Dear Santa, this is Jessica from Aspen. I like a Barbie Dream house with the electric sports car and lots of outfits and matching outfits and me too, please. Dear Santa, this is Lupe from Paraguay. I want some rain so I can stop drinking my own urine. Dear Santa, this is Joe from North Chicago. I want a new bike and a GI Joe with kung fu grip and grenade launcher. Dear Santa, this is Aziz from Yemen. I want the grenade launcher. Dear Santa, this. This is Jimmy from Greenwich. I want an electric train set with the whole village and the mountains and the tunnels and a robot to clean my room. There's Santa. This is Chang from Laos. I want an electric scooter, a surfboard, rollerblades and a CD ROM player. Just kidding. I want a stick. Dear Santa, this is from Calcutta. I want a flyswatter. One that doesn't hurt when you hit yourself in the face and some off. Dear Santa, we are the children of the world. We want Sean Moore to be struck dead. Please see what you can do even if it means I don't get that stick. More of the Bob and Tom show is on the way. Some more Christmas tunes for you. On this Christmas morning. Next on the Bob and Tom Show. Hope you're having a great Christmas morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios, the Best of the Bob and Tom show show. We got some Christmas tunes for you. Our guest is comedian D.J. dangler. Hi, everybody. Mr. Dangler. That's him. Happy birthday, Josh. Oh, thank you. No cake, though. You're having biscuits and gravy? Yeah, it's nice, isn't it? Yeah, very nice. Did you blow out the candles? There were no candles, but that's fine. Yeah, the gravy's pretty wet. You can't. Yeah. You can't put 45 biscuit fondant, right? Yeah, they were. Yes. Yeah. Because. Because I am. I'm not proud of this, but I like to tell people the best biscuits and gravy I've had in my entire life was at a vegan restaurant in Minnesota. Oh, no kidding. And I'm like. I'm mad about it. Like, I don't want it to be true, but it was. It was amazing. It came with broccoli on top of it. I was mad. I was hungry. Like, they brought it to me and I was like, this isn't. And then I ate it and I was like. I was. I was wrong. I don't know about that. B and B and G does not stand for broccoli. Get that. I like broccoli, but get that dumb green stuff out of there. Hey, this. This isn't. This isn't. I got drafted into this war. I didn't volunteer, man. Oh, your gals vegan? No. Oh, no. Oh, God, no. No, no, no. You ever had a raw pizza? I think I have. Is that a raw pizza? It's not really. It looks like a pizza, and it's made of nothing but uncooked vegetables. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, really? They're actually. They're actually pretty good, Josh. You might want to try one. Add to your repertoire. Birthday. Yes. Out of. Of the. Out of the clear blue sky. We're talking about food, Josh. Maybe you'd like to have a bite. No, it's. It's. I'm serious. I've been to plenty of vegan restaurants. Are always delicious. I've never had a vegan meal I didn't like, so I'm. I will try that. Yeah, they're good. Now we have to get back to our bucket list with Chick McGee. What's going on over there? Bucket list. How would you, Tom, like to tame alone lion? Not at all, no. Why not? I have been in the room. You Were there. We had a fully grown tiger in here. Oh, come on. Remember, Tiger wasn't. It was like a teen tiger. It wasn't even fully grown. He was the size of eight dogs, and he had a bowling pin. It wasn't that much bigger than me. He tore up one of our stools. And then a couple months later, he attacked another disc jockey. I believe it was in Pittsburgh back when Cecil Fielder was drinking. Scary. Not that kind of tiger. That's. That's right, Norm. Cash. Save cash with cash. No, I would not. Want to tame a lion? No, thank you. Oh, here's one. Ride in a luge. Oh, yeah, yeah, that would be terrifying. Is the luge the one you do by yourself? Yeah, yeah, that would be. You stare with your feet. That's scary because like. Like people who are good at that die. Yeah, yeah. You're going unbelievably fast, and your balls are like. Can I be like, the fourth guy in a bobsled team? So there' three dudes that know what they're doing. Yeah. Have you done that? No. Oh, boy. That's scary. Let me look here. Willie. Ride in a luge. Nope, that's not bob sled. Hey, in Willie's defense, you asked about lions, and Tom started telling a story about a tiger. They're similar, Josh. Much the same way. Much the same way, Josh. A lion and tiger similar. The way a pepperoni pizza is similar to a sausage pizza. Really relatable. Okay, this is. Look at how funny he thinks he is. You know what, Josh? If he makes one more fat joke, you should eat him. You should cut his arm off. You should. Is sort of a fat joke. No, I'm. I'm trying. The suggestion that I could eat a man. No, I think. Don't you all want to do it, though? Doesn't everybody want that unforbidden tape? We. Everybody wants it. We can all. Everybody wants to eat a person. We can all say it out loud. We want the forbidden taste in our mouth. Do you suppose there's an unfortunate place named the Dahmer Restaurant that before. Before that all that hit the fan? Well, in Wisconsin, they're famous for what's it called? The Cannibal Burger. And it's just rye bread with raw ground beef on top of it. Yeah. Oh, like a steak tartare kind of thing. But no, but it's not like cut up tartar. It's just ground and beef. That's deadly. Don't eat one of those. You're not supposed to. It's on, like, Regional foods you're supposed to avoid. I love that website. Any more bucket list items? I want to do this. And I had to look it up. Look up what it was. But what do you think zorbing is? Z as in zebra orb? As in boy ing. Zorb. Zorbing. Zorb. I don't know. It's very. It's a very common. Not practical. Is it when you become a Power Ranger? A good guess. No, great guess. Is it when you get to first base, but it's an alien that you're hooking up with. I absorbed her good last night. Yeah, Josh gets it. I sorbed her rotten. I sorbed her in front die. Said dialing in Tokyo. She didn't get it. Zorbing is the recreation or sport of rolling downhill inside an orb, typically made of transparent plastic. Oh, yeah, Big hamster. You'll break your neck. Absorbing is generally performed on a gentle slope, but can also be done on a level surface, permitting more rider control. It can be done on a large cliff once. Yeah. So you're absorbing, you're falling. I say, I want absorb. And he suggests, why don't you zorb off a high cliff? He's ruined the last, like, five of these. Yeah. Did you expect less? I was the. The youngest in a big family that grew up in the woods. We used to always do like. Like we had a monster truck tire that we could just get rolled down. And then eventually, like, you do it until somebody gets sick and cries. When do you quit? Well, when everybody's thrown up. I want to do this, too. I think this sounds. Chase a tornado. I think that would be cool. I think that would be cool. That'd be fun. You in a car in this. You're in a big van. Like a movie twist. No, I do it on foot. Hey, get over here. Get all my loads, you stupid tornado. Hang on, I gotta go. I'm gonna get you. I want to stalk a tornado. Oh, Maybe my biggest bucket list thing is to dive with sharks. I really do want to do that. I've done that with sharks. With the cage or. I've done that. It was terrifying. But you didn't do it with, like, great whites. He was like, south. Yeah, I want to go to South Africa. You're forgetting Tom's. One of his linchpins of conversation is outdo the other person. It's not a matter of not doing it. It's true. Were you in that time? No, I don't do that. And the guy goes. The guy goes, okay. What's gonna happen is we're gonna go down there and then you'll have like, 50 sharks, and they'll just be circling us, and they. They're not gonna come and bite you. And I'm. When I'm down there, I'm thinking, what if one of the sharks didn't get the memo? Yeah. How do they know? Doesn't nurse sharks? Don't they just offer you their teat? Right. That's right. That's right. Hence the name. You can suckle from them. They bite you and put a bandage on it. Nice. So you'd want. You would get in the. Did you see that thing yesterday? Where was. Did anybody see that? On the national news where the guy was fishing and this huge. He's in a kayak and this gigantic shark comes and bites the side of the kayak. Whoa. No, I haven't seen that. No. Thanks. That's pretty exciting. I get so scared of anything in the water. Yeah. It's creepy. It's so. It's a different world. Like. Yeah. I can remember once I saw a turtle that was about, like, the size of a dinner plate. Like it wasn't one of the. But like, I'm still kind of scared of turtle. What's it gonna do? Nothing. Well, Wasn't supposed to be there. Now I'm terrible. They can snap off your mail. Snapping turtles. Yeah, sure. That's what they go for first, the D. That's also how I enter every body of water. Is it warm? Hold up. Go ahead, get the dog. This one. This one sounds heartwarming and lovely. All right. Visit every state park. Every. Every state. That's a lot. What about every ballpark? I'd like to do that. That's cool. Every state park. You know what? Sometimes in a conversation, you can deviate from the first thing that's said. That's Griswold talk. Lesson number one. Especially when it's as boring as visiting every state park. Oh, how. Come on, Jake. I would do that. I want to eat a hot dog. Dog in every state. Maybe we should do every national state park, because there are a lot of states. Yeah. I'd love to go to the nationals. Well, wouldn't that just be a national park? Go national now. Josh wouldn't use a redwood. Wouldn't you want to do every baseball? Ballpark? I've been. I'm close. I'm about six shy. Yeah, I've done that. See? What have you missed? Which one could only get to Hawaii? The new Cincinnati stadium. I've not been to, oh, greater than American. I've not been. I was there a month ago. No big deal. Oh, right on, man. I drew out a first pitch. Go on. Well, there's no talking to you. I'd like to. My big time bucket list, though, is. Is to visit England and stay there and leave you guys behind. That's on my bucket list. You can't have the same thing as I have. Oh, yeah, man. I could go, like, I can come stay with you for, like a month. Yeah, no, that's on my bucket list. You going to England and staying there. Okay, perfect. Okay, let's make that happen. All right. Give you a ride to the airport. All right. It'll take you four days. One more hour to go. On this Christmas morning, it's actor Drew Powell coming up. And Duke Tomato. But next, Reno Collier. We'll have it for you in a minute. The Bob and Tom show. Hey, welcome back and merry Christmas from all of us here at the Bob and Tom show. This is Christopher speaking. This segment, first one of this hour, features Reno Collier and a near death experience. And I think we're gonna be joined by Reno. There he is. It's Reno Collier with that familiar. Good morning, my friend. The familiar blue lamp. Yes. Yeah. Man, you love that thing. Looks like something like grandma had. Sorry. That is quite a laugh. Your grandmother had a lamp made out of a bad taste? Yes, she did. No, no, no. Oh, geezy. My wife's gonna. You forget yourself, madam. If you turn it upside down, it looks kind of like one of those hot water bottles, you know? No, it doesn't. The point is, Reno, we're glad that you're actually home. We just spoke to Greg. Me, too. Greg Warren and his house got flooded. So. So he's at his brother's house. What, are they just wrestling each other, playing the flute? Yeah. No, if. If your home were to get flooded, where would you go live? Dude, I don't even want to think about that. Where would I go live? Probably a boat. I don't know. Why would you ask him such a question? I don't know. My brain just went into, like, do I even have flood insurance? Like, yeah, that's. This could be a good reminder for. No, I'm just curious. I know where I'd go. Where would you go? We have various friends that I think would. But you know me, I'd want to go to a hotel. I don't like staying over people's houses. Oh, you had to stay at someone else's house recently? Yeah, that was rough. Could you Would you go move in with Godwin and we could have camera set up. Welcome. Without driving each other crazy? I stubbed my toe on a GD tambourine. Now who keeps a tambourine in the middle of the floor? Now, Reno, does your. Does your wife have family nearby? You could go live with them. You know what? They all move. Like they moved recently. They got restationed in the military down at Florida. And I don't find that surprising. Honestly. Man, that might be. Yeah. Not be fun. That might be all right. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't. I've never even. I think I'd do the hotel too. Honestly. I think I'd probably go up a couple floors, you know. All right, well, I'm just curious. It's something we all have to think about. I certainly hope not. Why do we have to think about it again if we have a flag to our friend and Josh, where was you go? I would. I very well may ask Pat if I could. Right across the street. Yeah. There you go. You have an extra room? Yeah. Uhhuh. I didn't know that. I had no idea how many bedrooms you have. Alan. Alan stayed there recently. Yeah, he did. He did. I stayed for a little bit. Alan does a lot of recording for the show. Alan Johnson. Yeah. How long did he stay with you? Three or four nights. Oh. What the hell was going on with his life? I don't think we know that he's listening. That's all. I. The answer to that question is usually not something good. Things are really looking up. Not something pleasant. Yes. They're. They're installing the gold beams at my house. I had to move out for a couple days. Comedically I should live. I should go stay with you, Tom. Oh, yeah, sure. Three days in, my nails would be painted. Your daughters would just go, I love you. Dress me up. They love having company. We have. I have a nice guest room. I've been showering in it for the last three weeks. What's wrong with your bathroom? You have a brand new house. Yeah, well, let's see. Here's what I'm looking at, Tom. I'm looking at a recently celebrated birthday with your significant other. She's out of town now. I'm looking at. Not in the shower, in the guest room. The main shower is adding and they're putting some stuff on. I think Alan has something to do with it. It's fun taking a shower in a different show shower. Is it fun? Yeah. You especially seem like the kind of guy who could just take it roll right off your Back. Well, here's the thing. That shower has one of those squirters that hangs on the wall, and that's what I like. It's a handheld shower. Handheld. But it's also got one in the. On the ceiling. Yes, that. And it's not real big. And so I don't. You take that, Josh. And jam. I was in. I was in there yesterday taking a nice warm shower. And then instead of turning. I'm not. I'm not used to the controls. Instead of turning the shower off, I flipped it over to the one up above, which was full of ice cold water. Oh, yeah, that'll wake up. Good for you, though. That's. Oh, no. Yeah. I almost killed myself. I got. Because all these showers these days are so complicated. Oh, they're. Oh, yeah. When you get. Remember that hotel, that hotel in Cincinnati? The hotel in Cincinnati was so kind to call someone from the front desk. They remember this bad course. Tell me how to turn the GD thing on. That's because you're not really that smart. To the left, sir. Everybody else figured it out. So, Reno, do you have a favorite shower? Do you have. I. I guess the one in my bedroom. We have like, there's like three different. That comes from different directions. Like, there's two that come from the top. Oh, boy. On either side. And then it has that squirter thing. Commercials for the step in bathtub or whatever. I love the squirter thing. It's not a step in bathtub, but it has the same, you know, whatever you got. Squirter. Doesn't sound right. But, you know, handheld. Thank you, Christy. Thank you. You're welcome. Dude, Just. Just remember. Sorry about the. When you're using those, if you shift to the other one, you got to let that water warm up before it cascades in your head and back. That's right. Yeah. Okay. That's right. Okay. Now, what's on your mind, Reno? What's going on today? Well, I've got a country fried take. I've. I've gone down a little bit of a. Go ahead and take a reading too. You know, I gotta wet my whistle there. Sure, sure. Yeah. Can't just start spouting this stuff out on a dry tongue. So I have. I've recently gotten sucked down the rabbit hole of podcasts and documentaries on near death experiences. Have you guys watched any of these things? Yeah, they're nuts, man. So now, from the moment we're born, there are two things that are definite. Epstein didn't kill himself. I'm sorry. I cannot let that go. And, and death. Now, in our society, death is treated as a scary thing that we try to avoid thinking about for ourselves and we're crushed when it happens to someone else. So I dug into and researched what people say happened to them when they died and came back. Now, According to studies, one in 25 people have had a near death experience that blew me away. I had no idea it was that much. And I was shocked at what they found. So the overwhelming evidence is that we have a spirit, consciousness, soul, whatever you want to call it, in all of us. And this is not necessarily a religious thing because the studies cover people from all over the world. So I guess all that stuff I heard as a kid, like, only people at First Baptist Church on South Main go to heaven. So unless you want to, unless you want to burn in the fiery pits of hell, bring a covered dish and come drink a big bowl of ginger ale with sherbet floating in it. Our sermon will be on. Our sermon will be on the demon seed, Kevin Bacon and how his movie Footloose caused teenage pregnancy. Oh, wow, it's me. It's made me reevaluate all those things. So there's a center at the University of Virginia that has cataloged tens of thousands of these near death experiences. Their consensus is that at death, the spirit leaves the body literally. People used to think they were hallucinations that moment, but they now have had too many examples of people's brain having zero function and being literally dead at the time. So many in the study were able to tell the doctors exactly what instruments they used on them during their operations and even conversations that were going on while they were literally digging around in their head. One lady heard her brother in law say while standing in the lobby, if the old bag kicks it today, I'm never gonna make my tea time. Yeah. And when she confronted him and told him, he freaked because there's no way she'd know that she was laid out on a gurney. Another lady said. Another lady said she left her body and went straight up through five floors of a hospital. And when she came back to life, she told the doctors and nurses that there's one red high heel shoe on the roof of the hospital. After a couple hours, the nurses couldn't take it anymore and they ran upstairs to check and it was exactly where she said it would be. And my wife and I watched this story together and I looked at the shocked look on my wife's face and she's like, oh my God, that poor woman. I was Like, I know that's nuts to go through that, right? She. She goes, do you know what it's like to lose one high heel shoe? If they're more than a few years old, she's gonna have to go to an outlet store. And this just proves. This just proves that people see stories from various angles and everyone looks at death differently. I guess as a teenager when somebody in my family died, I remember thinking, oh, great, now Aunt Frieda's gonna see what I do in the shower now. You ever think about that? No, never. Yeah, I think about what you do in the show. Attaboy, Josh. Stay strong. And many people, especially in the south, are really worried about their funeral. And they have good reason to. I'm not sure if you've ever been to a southern funeral, but the crowd whispers comments all through it. You know, the preacher's like, sally loved everyone and she never met a stranger. And you hear an old woman say under her breath, yeah, because she'd sleep with him after knowing him for 15 minutes. Bobby was an honest man and he lived by the ten commandments. And you hear some guy mutter, some bitch stole my lawnmower and smacked my wife on the ass. Pretty sure those are in the shout knots. And we've all heard the phrase, my life flashed before my eyes. Well, in the Raymond Moody study as well as the University of Virginia's, this actually happens during many near death experiences. Your whole life. Yikes. I for one, hope we get a remote control to fast forward through a bunch of that stuff. Me too. You know, as you know, I used to. As you know, I used to drink my weight in Jack Daniels. So I'll be seeing a lot of this stuff for the first time. Either way, maybe those thoughts of kindness and helping others come from deep inside us. Maybe that spark and light in all of us comes from the inside and not the computer we're lugging around inside our house head. But if our spirit does live on, maybe the fear goes away and being kind would come easier. And to my Aunt Frida, wherever you are, I cannot apologize enough. I am so sorry for what you had to say. I'm Reno Collier and that's my country fried take. Oh, thank you, Reno. Very good. Yeah, back in the day. Wasn't near death that third show on a Saturday. Yeah. On the way. Next, more from Christmas Live Day 1998 with Duke Tomato. It's next here on Christmas morning. This is the Bob and Tom show. We're back on this Christmas morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. And this is the Best of the Bob and Tom show, another segment here from Christmas Live Day 1998 with Duke Tomato. Tonight on Larry King, still alive and on the Internets. It's been just over 50 years since Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer first aired on American television. From that classic presentation, we learned the importance of chasing dreams from a scrappy little elf named Hermey. Little Hermey longed to be a dentist. To find out how that turned out, Hermey the ex elf and current dentist, joined me in the studio. So, Hermey, congratulations on pursuing your dream. What an amazing journey. How has it been for you? Worst decision ever. What the hell was I thinking? I gave up a carefree life of toy making for an endless parade of spit sinks, gum scrapings and root canals. I have spent my entire adult life peering into someone's nasty gum gullet while they blow their rancid breath in my face. Oh, yeah, Larry. I dread every single sunrise that shines its golden light on the soft turd of a new day. But you really wanted to be a dentist? I was a kid. What the hell did I know? I could have said I wanted to be a pirate or an astronaut. Nobody takes that stuff seriously. Why the hell didn't someone stop? God, I wish I'd said I wanted to be a pirate. But you've had a good business all these years, right? Yeah, of course. I'm a dentist in North Pole Village. Everyone here eats nothing but candy canes and gumdrops and cookies. The teeth are rotten out of their heads. I work constantly. Plus, I've been divorced three times, and I caught gonorrhea from my oral hygienist. Me, too. Is that, like, a job requirement for those chicks? They only hire hygienists with big jugs in the claps. Yikes. Anyway, Hermey, let me ask, how are your old pals Rudolph and Yukon Cornelius? Oh, you mean Yukon Cornelia? Yeah. About three years before Bruce went, Kaitlyn Cornelius became Cornelia. Oh, boy. Her sack is emptier than Santa's on December 26th. God lover, Cornelia is the ugliest broad I've ever seen. Oh, wait, I take that back. She is slightly hotter than my second wife. Jesus, I should never drink that much eggnog. Wow. That's how I ended up with wife number 11. No, no, no. I'm sorry. Number 11 was due to too much hash. 14 was the eggnog bender. That's tonight on Larry King, still alive and on the Internet. Nuts. We were now in the bowels of the Studio. And our old pal Duke Tomato joins us. Duke, why is the term bowels used immediately when I'm on show? Old Powell, old pal, not bow. He said bowels in the bowels. That's the first thing he said out of his mouth. Dukes, do you want to introduce your band? Duke, Larry, this is Larry Griffin sledge on keyboards. Larry, play something on something. So I hear you. Very nice. Quirk back in the booth. On drums. Josh, can you hit the drums for me? That's good. That's just. He hit the drums. Uhhuh. And of course, the host of bass talk. Ladies and gentlemen, on the base, you're the incredible Mark Christopher Roman. Dude, we're going to open up with a Christmas song. I understand. Yeah, we are. This is a wonderful song. This is. It's Christmas. Feel free to sing along. 1, 2, 1, 2, 3. It's a beautiful time of the year I'm so glad you're here. The wind is blowing it might start snowing it's just the two of us here. Christmas let's have sex it's snowing let's have sex Santa is coming let's have sex let's have sex? And I hope you brought your spirit ones with the sharp little birds Knock the Christmas tree out of the way you can hear the jingle bells say it's Christmas let's have sex and it's snowing let's have sex Santa's coming let's have sex O let's have sex? The room is filled with candles I'm just wearing sandals so let's get down and we'll be jolly Christmas let's have sat sex it's snowing let's have sex Santa's coming let's have sex let's have sex oh, man. More playing G It's Christmas let's have sex it's snowing let's have sex Santa's coming let's have sex Ooh, let's have sex Come over here, baby. I got a little something for you. A Christmas greeting from Duke Tomato. Very nice. And thanks to Teresa Giles sitting in with Duke Tomato in the power trio. Thank you, Teresa. Also known as Candy. Why not? And I should occasionally. Virginia Keal. Thanks very much, Teresa. Woman of many faces, Duke Tomato joins us here in the Bob and town program, a special edition of live day. Another Christmas one for us. Now. You want to do that one? Sure. This is a tune called look out, it's Santa. 1, 2, 1, 2, 3. Things change. They get different every day. You should think about what you do or say sign is taken out a whole new outlook. Writing down different things in his book. Don't hit your sister, you better resist. You don't want to get old Santa pissed. All this Christmas won't be the same. Remember Santa is an Italian name. Look, Scout is Santa. He going to kick your butt. Scout his son crazy red suited nut. Scout is Santa. I believe he's got a gun. He's coming after you. Oh, no. Now have your lion and cheat stealing too. Christmas morning you might end up black and blue. See Matt slipping. You should stay in the new socks or sit in your bed. Oh, what a shock. Remember the happy song the hills once sang. Santa's still their leader, but now they're a street gang. You better do right for the good. Don't swerve. Santa might give you just what you deserve. Look out in Santa, it gonna kick your butt. Look out in Santa suit. I believe he's gotta come. He's coming after you. Oh, man. Down the chimney he come with a crash. The living room soon reaped of sour mash. He was tattooed in bunk and wore dirty red felt. And under his eye was a nasty black and blue whelk. His belt and his shoes had tarnished buckles. He reached down in his pants, pull out his brass knuckle. Look out his Santa, he's gonna kick your butt. Look out his Santa. Ru did knock out his son. I believe he's got a thumb. He's coming after you. Look out in Santa, he's gonna kick your butt. It won't be the same Duke Tomato. More Christmas cheer from Duke. That's not a real happy so song. I didn't know Santa was an Italian name. Sure. Yeah. What do you want to make out of it? Remember the nino, the Pinta and the Santa Maria. Okay. Well, color me wrong. Okay, Duke, we got time for one more. You want to do one of the classics? Yeah, sure. I guess we need singers on this, though. Okay? We got plenty of those. Ready? Yeah, we do. I want to tie you up. I want to tie you up. Everybody help us out here. I want to tie you up. I want to tie you up. Bring some food, that's good. Lover gets the slickest. Rubber gets squeaky. Oh, baby, I'm here tonight Song get a little freaky. I won't tire you up. I to tie you up. I want to tie you up. I want to tie you up. And like melon body like a. That's the kind of woman. Like a snake. The back seat of a be. You won't Believe the f. I want to tie you up. I want to tie you up. I want to tie you up. Merry Christmas, baby. I want to tie you up. Sex with Tina I could never resist. Cause if it don't hurt, get pissed. I won't tie you up. I won't tie you up. I want to tie you up. I want to tie you up. I'm not looking for a girl who likes to shop. I want to find you. Me as woman I use a crop. I want to tie you up. I want to tie you up. I want to tie you up. I want to tie you up. Can you hear me? Bark like a dog. Much, much more. What you think you never done before? They be nice, partner. I'm only tired of you up. I want to tie you up. I want to tie you up. I want to tie you up. How you liking so far? I feel pretty good. How about yourself? 1, 2, 3, stop. Are you ready now? I want a child and I want to tie you up. And do things that you've never done before. I want to tie you up. In the backseat of Buick. I want to tie you up. And your little sister too. I want to tie it up. In a hot tub full of mayonnaise and jalapeno peppers. I want to tie it up. Come here. Just the women sing. Just the women blow, please. I want to tie you up. Now. Just the sexy women, that's all. I want to tie you up. Let me hear the men. All the men. All the men. I want to tie you up. Just the men who want to get lucky tonight. I want to tie you up. Just the men who are great lovers. I want to tie you up. Just the men who are larger than average. I want to tie you. Yeah, right. Everybody sing one time as loud as you can. I wanna tie you up. Let's stand out loud as you came. I wanna tie you up. Let's just roll like a big wheel. Crap. Like a big. All right. Oh, yeah. I'm having fun. Oh, yeah. Tomato in the power trio. We're coming right back. One more segment to go. It's with actor Drew Powell. He's coming up in just a minute. This is the Bob and Tom Show. We certainly hope you all have a great Christmas Day. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. And we're doing the best of the Bob and Tom Show. Our good friend actor Drew Powell stopped by. We're talking some deodorant. Might be important on this Christmas Day. There's a smell in the room. It is not. It is not our guest, Drew Powell, which might have been your first guess. And it is. It is a pleasant smell. It is, but it's pervasive. Yeah. And so much both in my throat. Yes, it is both. We have a thing for guests. I don't know if you've ever read it, Drew, but we don't know. We ask our guests not to wear proof. Perfume or cologne. Oh. Both Josh and I find them offensive. The problem is, when somebody does, we don't kick them out. We need to start kicking them out. Okay. So. Bye, Willie. Bye, Willie. I didn't put on perfume. My hair looked. I didn't wash my hair this morning. I usually have a dry shampoo spray, and I'll hit it, and it makes it look less greasy. I hit it, and then I checked my phone, camera, the mirror to see, and it looks a little more greasy, so I hit it again. And then I go, what's wrong with this? And I walk to the hallway to go put it on in the bathroom properly, and I realized I wasn't using dry shampoo. I was using deodorant. It looks exactly the same. Oh. So it made it greasier and greasier and smellier and smellier, and I got the patino pullback going on. Now, does this sound exactly like something I would do if I asked you? Yes. Yes. This is right up my alley. Genetics, baby. This is. Sorry. It's fine. And I'm glad you don't have hair. The ozone would be gone if you had hair. I'm probably spraying with that computer thing, the keyboard remover thing. So. Sorry. Yeah, it is. It is odiferous, to say the least. Yeah. And again, not. Not unpleasant, but there's so much. So much of it. Yeah. It's a. It's a fresh and clean scent. It's not a perfume. It's a casual. You use a spray deodorant like a pretty lady. I have one at the office. I usually use. I have a. I use an antiperspirant, not a deodorant. I'm allergic to the aluminum. Whatever. Oh, I gotcha. And it just. I. When I put that on, I just spit the sweat out. It gets really gross. Let's just go around the horn. Ace Cosby deodorant or antiperspirant or nothing. Antiperspirant. I see. Which. What one do you use right now? ° ° okay. Is that because it was on sale and you had a coupon? Yes. There you go. Antiperspirant. The gel, the wipe on. I like that. I enjoy that very much. Gillette. No, the dry gel. No, it's Mitchum Mitchell. Mitchell Classic. That's a classic. That is. Yeah. What do you. That used to be my go to. Now my wife's got me using this natural charcoal. Like, just doesn't work from the bag. It does work, actually. That's the weird part. You just reach. Reach into the. Yeah. Ye. Yeah. I go to the barbecue. It's better if it's been used, particularly with barbecue sauce on it. My dog loves it. What does it smell like? Sweating? No, it smells very natural. Like the one we have is. There's a lavender one, which is a little too femme for me, but lavender does smell good. Yeah, it does. It does. It does. And we should have. My lady, for those that haven't seen you, you were once cast as Hoss Cart. Right? You have a very. You could play an aging NFL lineman, for example. I could do without the aging part. Well, I mean, if you were in the NFL right now. You're true. I will say the football shows that I've done. Just the football shows have hurt my body in lasting ways. I can't imagine doing it in the NFL. But you're kind of hyper masculine. You could get away with wearing. Thank you. But toxic. You know, we were talking about, like, elementary school and high school. Like, that was the one thing that was funny, is that I looked to the part. Even in college, I looked like a football player. And I was lured to a fraternity that was full of football players because they're like, you know, the highest GPA in the incoming freshman gets a $5,000 scholarship. Wink, wink. And I bought it. I was like, okay, wow, you're gonna pay me $5,000 to come to this fraternity? Sold. Because I looked the part. I looked, but I didn't play football. I just. Did you. Did you win the money? I got there on the first day and I looked around at this group of nice but completely full of idiots. And I'm like, no way. So I said, I'm sorry, I gotta go. And guess what? That same year, they got kicked off of campus. So you made a bad move. Missed a pretty good party. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Did the football coach ever try to recruit you? And you were like, sorry, I'm busy. And Joseph and the Technicolor dream coach. I'm Joseph. You might want to come see it. It's on Friday night. Matinees on Saturday, isn't it? I. This is a true story in fifth grade at Central Elementary. To go back to that, we they recruited me heavily because I was always a big kid. And they were like, yeah, you come play Pop Warner or whatever it was. And my mom, this is God's honest truth in the, you know, early 90s, was like, I'm worried about concussions. And everybody thought she was crazy, including me. I'm like, mom, you're ruining my life. And guess what? She was right about those concussions. Because then I was sorry. Ms. Barlister, what was she hitting you with? A baseball bat? Okay. She was a fan of baseball. That's the only way I can get through to it. I apologize. I apologize, Mrs. Powell. I was kidding and very, very, very, very mean. But I love football, and I. So I much prefer playing it on TV than. I don't like pain. And all my friends that played football are all still in pain. Yeah. Christy Lee deodorant. Yes, I use the Lady Mitchum, actually. Mrs. Mitchum. He's a handsome man, Josh. Why is that? But it is really makes me Mitchum and Mrs. What the hell? Yeah, I use a deodorant. What kind? The. I guess it's not the gel that comes out of, like, the pores of the deodorant stick. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I love that one. Oh, I don't care for those. This. It's just a gel stick. Oh, yeah. By Menon. I don't like the gel. I have to have the dry. I don't understand people's objection. I guess, you know, it's what you like, but other than that, I enjoy the gel very much. Yeah, no, I have no problem with people who use it. I don't think we get a chance to really sample it in life gel. No, you don't. Get a place where you can go, hey, look, I'd like to try 40 of these deodorant. But you can at the perfume counter. So why can't you? Why isn't there a place where, you know, bring your armpits by and you can ask, like, another four hours to your busy day? But I was trying on deodorant. And then you'd have, like, a palate cleanser. Like a lady with a washcloth cleans up your armpits. Yes. Then you have your, you know, you have your soul mate. I'd have Kelly come with me. Okay. Take a whiff of this one. They charge you 30 bucks for an hour session to find out what deodorant's perfect for you. This is, like, ridiculous. No, it's not. When you get to try every Kinds of cola or wine. I'm into it. Like. And you have the ladies standing there at the. In front of the counters with the stick. Would you. Excuse me, sir. Would you like a little. On your wrist? How do you know what you like? You smell. You smell a bit like an autumn. Why don't we try. Mrs. Mitchell, is there a place for really rich guys where they get their own deodorant made? Oh, geez. They can perfume. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know about. They do that for. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You can. They can. There's a. When I was in New York, there's a whole. Yeah, because if there are rich guys that have. They don't know what to do with their money. So I think, hey, by the way, if you heard you can get your own deodorant, you'll smell just like you and no one else. Yeah. Well, I have to say, I have. I have a cologne that. That I found in New York, and it was really hard to get. And it was really hard to get it when I lost it, but it was. It's like a signature scent. And people are always like, oh, yeah, I would never figure you. I would figure your signature scent would be, you know. Transmission. I was going to say pizza. Yeah, that too. Something insulting. Accurate. No. Accurate. No. Accurate. I'm so sorry, Mrs. Polly. I'm a big fan of your son. Hello, Bob and Tom show. Hey, Bob and Tom. It's Donnie Baker. Hey, Donnie. And she kind of like you. I like that deodorant. Comes straight from the pores, you know? Mine's even got, like, little chunks of minerals. I don't know what it is. I think it's Montreal steak seasoning. You guys gonna watch All Star game tonight? Sure I am. Cause I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but I was an All Star Little League. Wow. Well, this is back when you had to earn your All Star jersey. You had to earn it like, yes, Hutton's today. You know, the league that Whippy plays in. If you show up with most your uniform and don't wet your pants, you basically make All Stars. I had a chance to turn frail after high school, but I got bested for using performance enhancing dreads. Joke Cola. Proof of pure caffeine out of it. But the fact remains, it worked. My coach found out when I stowed first, second, and third base 12 times in one game. How do you steal first base? That's the same thing my coach was asking Tom. But it's easy. All you do is take them power water between innings and on your way back, you just stay there. Swear to God. Squatters rights. So anyways, Whoopi has dreams of being a major league player one day, but I didn't think it's gonna happen because just like me, he was born amphibious. But for him, that means he can't hit from either side of the plate. This is the Bob and Tom show, named one of the best personal finance podcasts. The Stacking Benjamin show with Joe and his friends makes financial liter literacy fun. Draymond Green has a podcast. He was asking Mark Cuban why at the beginning of 2024, Cuban sold a huge part of his company. He's like, did you see how much money I got? I'm sure there's a more graceful answer than that, but dude, I bought it for 200 million and sold it for 6 billion. I don't think it was that much more graceful than that. Find out more by searching the Stacking Benjamin's podcast wherever you listen.