The BOB & TOM Show - December 25, 2025

Summary

The BOB & TOM Show – December 25, 2025

Podcast Summary
Date: December 26, 2025
Host: The BOB & TOM Show | Cumulus Podcast Network
Episode Theme: Christmas Morning – Comedy, Traditions, and Classic Holiday Banter

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Episode Overview

The December 25th, 2025 episode of The BOB & TOM Show is a festive, laughter-filled Christmas Special brimming with irreverent comedy, nostalgia, and personal stories. The show’s signature blend of standup, musical parodies, riffs on holiday traditions, playful arguments, and offbeat news stories creates a jovial and cozy holiday listening experience. With guests including comedians Pat Godwin, Jeff Shaw, and Maria Bamford, the episode humorously explores everything from Christmas gift wrapping, favorite childhood presents, and the mythos of Santa, to contemporary holiday customs, “Dominic the Donkey,” Christmas trees, and more.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Christmas Song Parodies & Musical Numbers

• [01:31]–[03:49] Pat Godwin: “Let’s Have Sex (It’s Christmas)”
  Pat Godwin kicks off the episode with a cheeky original Christmas tune, setting a humorous and playful tone for the show.

  • Lyric highlights: “It’s Christmas, let’s have sex, it’s snowing, let’s have sex, Santa’s coming...”
  • Group contributes harmonies and playful banter.

• Recurring Parodies by Pat (“Santa on Ozempic,” “Dryer Sheets in My Underwear,” “Santa Ate the Edible”)

  • Modern, irreverent takes on Christmas, using current references (weight-loss drugs, edibles) to lampoon holiday tropes.

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2. Gift Wrapping, Traditions, and Santa Lore

• [04:14–07:41] Gift Wrapping Mastery & Present Debates

  • Chick’s legendary gift wrapping skills are praised, leading into an in-depth discussion about wrapping presents with or without tape, saving wrapping paper, and alternatives like bags or twine.
  • Memorable Quote:
    • “He does some kind of 3D eyeball thing where he knows exactly how much to...” (Bob, 05:32)
    • “You can wrap presents without using tape. I like that very much.” (Tom, 05:37)

• Santa’s Gift Philosophy

  • Family traditions—some wrap Santa gifts, others assemble toys unwrapped under the tree.
  • Santa’s role as an assembler and a symbol of holiday magic is playfully dissected.

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3. Dangerous Vintage Toys & Christmas Gift Nostalgia

• [09:03–10:58] Recalling Risky Childhood Gifts

  • Panel reminisces about hazardous classic toys like the Vacuform, Creepy Crawlers, chemistry sets, and the Easy Bake Oven’s “brownies that took eight hours to cook.”
  • Connection between childhood danger and nostalgia: “Do they have anything that dangerous anymore?” (Bob, 10:32)

• Favorite Gifts as Kids

  • Group shares their favorite gifts received before age 15.
  • Standouts: BB gun (Tom), Vacuform (Bob).

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4. News of the Weird: The Frozen Penis Story

• [11:19–15:17] “Frozen Penis” Cross-Country Skier
  • Christy reads a bizarre sports news item about a Swedish skier suffering frostbite on his genitals.
  • The group riffs on ways to prevent such an injury, inventing products like “Peter Heater” and offering musical interludes.
  • Memorable Quote:
    • “However, sand was the first Swede across the finish line. When asked if he could describe the sensation, Halverson said, ‘No. Those who know, they know. Here’s a tip from me. Stay away from it. It’s the worst thing you can experience.’” (Tom, 12:18)
    • Pat Godwin sings, “Get a heater for his Peter.” (Pat, 14:22)

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5. Best of Bob & Tom Segments and Christmas Standup

• [16:38–20:52] Comedian Jeff Shaw Joins

  • Notable for his riffs on looking like rock stars, the perils of Starbucks naming conventions, and playful jokes about exchanging $50 within his family as 'elf mafia' money laundering.
  • Memorable Quote:
    • “Are you the bass player from Rush? No, I’m the lead singer from REO Speedwagon.” (Jeff, 17:51)

• [44:44–49:05] Maria Bamford on Love, Aging, and Marriage

  • The episode is enriched by Maria Bamford, who discusses dating on OkCupid, marriage quirks, and being mistaken for a vegan due to her appearance.
  • Quote:
    • “For every one negative interaction you have with your spouse, you gotta have five positives.” (Maria, 47:49)

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6. Christmas Polls, Holiday Preferences, & Generational Gifting

• [28:16–31:11] “What Do People Want for Christmas?” Poll
  • Survey shows cash ($600 avg) is the top wish, followed by clothing.
  • Panel jokes about “laundering money for the elf mafia.”

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7. Christmas Trees: Real vs. Fake Debate

• [57:59–68:29 and 89:12–94:38] Tree Shopping Showdown
  • Christy Lee defends artificial trees (“It’s being delivered to my door!” 61:14)
  • Bob and Tom argue for real trees (“Puts Americans to work. Get to work.”, Bob, 62:14)
  • Listener calls, including a Christmas tree farmer explaining real trees’ environmental benefits, and another recounting a nightmare “spider-infested tree” story.

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8. Holiday Food Oddities and Traditions

• [50:02–55:54] “Figgy Pudding,” Wassail, and Sugar Plums

  • Bob, Tom, Maria Bamford, and Christy try to figure out the recipes and origins behind “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” and other carol foods, concluding that most sound unappetizing in practice.

• [101:03–103:04] Stolen Escargot

  • Quirky news: $100,000 worth of snails stolen in France, leading to foodie banter over escargot and caviar.

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9. Christmas Lights & World Records

• [147:16–150:07] “The Gays Next Door” Set a Christmas Lights Record
  • The Gay family sets the record for most Christmas lights. The panel has great fun riffing on the family name, puns, and the story’s flashy excess.

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10. Recurring Segment Highlights

• [79:42–80:01] Sean Mori’s “Dear Santa”

  • Parody song highlights privilege gaps in Christmas, juxtaposing American and global children’s wishes.
  • “Dear Santa… I want a stick to burn for heat.” (80:39)

• [159:52–162:28] Pat Godwin’s “A Goyish Hanukkah”

  • Humorous musical reflection on mixed religious families during the holidays.

• [164:37–166:20] Pat Godwin’s “Santa Ate the Edible”

  • “What was in those cookies in Boise, I don’t know / Santa’s saying ha ha ha instead of ho ho ho”

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11. Classic BOB & TOM Characters & Bits

• Marge Schott Interviewing Santa (143:05–146:55)

  • Over-the-top, old-school radio bit: Marge Schott and Santa riff entertainingly on reindeer, elves, and marital woes.
  • “You were borderline naughty, but Santa likes that in a woman.” (Santa, 146:27)

• Charlie Brown as a Prison Bitch (133:49–135:01)

  • Edgy spoof of Peanuts’ voice actor scandals.

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12. Holiday Movie Debates

• Home Alone, Die Hard, Love Actually—Are They Christmas Movies?
  • Panel is divided on new classics (“I watch Trading Places. Ackroyd in a Santa suit on a bus crazily eating a salmon. It’s not the holidays until I see that.” – Josh, 128:11)

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “[Santa is] not fat and jolly anymore, but his cholesterol’s down.” – Pat Godwin, [121:13]
• “If you think this is something, just stick around for my funeral…” – Tom Griswold, [25:25]
• “Joy to the World was originally written by Isaac Watts in the 1700s, not as a Christmas song.” – Christy Lee, [138:00]
• “The Gay family… you can actually see their house from space.” – Bob Kevoian, [148:20]
• “It’s my understanding Santa gifts are better with a real tree.” – Bob, [91:38]

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Tone & Atmosphere

The show is raucous, sarcastic, and family-friendly-ish—filled with warmth, longstanding camaraderie, and an affection for poking fun at one another as much as at holiday conventions. Panelists riff with well-practiced comedic chemistry, making even the silliest or most minor topics (gift wrap, batteries, Christmas lights, artificial trees) into running jokes.

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Conclusion

This BOB & TOM Christmas episode is a sprawling, uproarious four-hour ride through the traditions, quirks, and manufactured chaos of the holidays. From original musical parodies and standup segments, to heartfelt recollections, zany news, and toy nostalgia, it encapsulates both the joy and the absurdity of Christmas in modern America.

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Additional Highlights & Timestamps

• Santa Gift Wrapping Debate: [04:14–07:41]
• Frozen Skier Story/Song: [11:19–15:17]
• Jeff Shaw on Starbucks Names: [19:10–21:21]
• Maria Bamford on Internet Dating: [46:25–47:08]
• Artificial vs. Real Trees Panel: [57:59–68:29]
• Dominic the Donkey Discussion: [35:04–41:49]
  (“Let’s all raise a glass to Dominic the Donkey!” – Kevin, 43:45)
• Panel’s Favorite Christmas Movies: [128:21]

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Summary compiled from full episode transcript, with timestamps, segments, and speaker attributions for direct quotes. Listeners seeking holiday silliness, nostalgia, and irreverent takes on Christmas traditions will find this episode a deliciously overstuffed holiday stocking.

Transcript

[Kevin Harlan]

This is Kevin Harlan. Tonight, the NBA on Prime crew is back with another action packed doubleheader. The night starts when Jaylen Brown and the Celtics go toe to toe with Pascal Siakam and the Pacers. Then James Harden and the Clippers take on the Portland Trail Blazers. If you're not a Prime member, just sign up for a 30 day free trial. The Celtics and Pacers, the Clippers and Blazers coverage starts tonight at 7pm Eastern only on Prime. Restrictions apply. See Amazon.com for details.

[Bob Kevoian]

Shopping is hard. I can never find anything in my size.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't even know my size.

[Christy Lee]

I buy my clothes the same place I buy my groceries. There's a better way. Make it easy with Stitch Fix.

[Bob Kevoian]

Just share your size, style, budget and done. Your personal stylist sends pieces picked just for you.

[Kevin Harlan]

That was easy.

[Christy Lee]

Stitch Fix online Personal styling for everyone.

[Bob Kevoian]

Free shipping and returns.

[Jeff Shaw]

No subscription required.

[Bob Kevoian]

Get started today@stitch fix.com. It's the bob and tom show.

[Pat Godwin]

It's a beautiful time of the year I'm so glad you're near the wind is blowing it might start snowing there's just the two of us here It's Christmas. Let's have sex it's snowing let's have sex Santa's coming Let's have sex. Let's have sex I hope you brought your spurs the one with the sharp little burs Knocked a Christmas tree out of the way and hear the jingle bells say It's Christmas let's have sex and it's snowing let's have sex Santa's coming Let's have sex.

[Bob Kevoian]

Ooh, let's have.

[Tom Griswold]

Sex.

[Pat Godwin]

The room is lit with candles.

[Bob Kevoian]

The halls are decked with holly I'm.

[Pat Godwin]

Just wearing sandals so let's get down and we'll be jolly Christmas let's have sex it's snowing let's have sex Santa's coming Let's have sex Sex Ooh, let's have sex. Foreplay in G.

[Kevin Harlan]

Ho ho ho ho ho.

[Pat Godwin]

It's Christmas.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let's have sex.

[Pat Godwin]

It's snowing. Let's have sex Santa's coming. Let's have sex Ooh, let's have sex. Come over here, baby.

[Bob Kevoian]

I got a present for you.

[Pat Godwin]

Good morning.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hello.

[Tom Griswold]

From coast to coast, it's the Bob and Tom Show.

[Bob Kevoian]

Bob and Tom. Bob and Tom.

[Tom Griswold]

Many portions of the upcoming program have been pre recorded, meaning they've already happened and they're about to happen again. So where was I?

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Ladies and gentlemen, we're glad to have you here. It's the Bob and Tom Show. Okay. All right. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show, and this is my favorite rejoining music. Hello, Tom. How are you, bud?

[Kevin Harlan]

Chick.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes, sir.

[Bob Kevoian]

Coming up, we got Josh's Christmas present.

[Kevin Harlan]

My goodness.

[Tom Griswold]

Early.

[Bob Kevoian]

I. I know it's early, but I.

[Christopher]

You'll see.

[Tom Griswold]

Is it too large to carry?

[Bob Kevoian]

No, you can carry it.

[Kevin Harlan]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

Is it wrapped?

[Jeff Shaw]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Is it wrapped?

[Bob Kevoian]

It is wrapped.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, wow.

[Tom Griswold]

Huh?

[Bob Kevoian]

In very special wrapping paper.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, boy.

[Kevin Harlan]

What have I done to deserve this?

[Christopher]

Did you.

[Christy Lee]

You've always been his favorite.

[Bob Kevoian]

I, I. I directed it to be wrapped.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, that's the thought that counts.

[Christy Lee]

Amy did it.

[Kevin Harlan]

You guys, remember, we're in the presence of one of the finest gift wrappers.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, Chick. The D, ladies and gentlemen.

[Kevin Harlan]

Ridiculous.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't like to brag, but it's absolutely the truth.

[Kevin Harlan]

It is.

[Bob Kevoian]

Chick's one of those guys that can. When he's done rapping, there's no scrap.

[Kevin Harlan]

It's amazing.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's.

[Tom Griswold]

He.

[Bob Kevoian]

He does some kind of weird 3D eyeball thing where he knows exactly how much to.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm taking it to another level. There's a. There's a community online. You can rap presents without using tape. I like that very much.

[Kevin Harlan]

That's.

[Tom Griswold]

I've seen videos of that tucking in and things, and.

[Christy Lee]

Seriously?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yes. Oh.

[Kevin Harlan]

Are you able to do that now?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yes. But I will tell you this, because of my previous speech I had about, I don't want to give you guys anything for Christmas, but I have to because it's at the house.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Compound.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm sorry. I don't think I'm gonna wrap the gifts this year. I'm just gonna time up with twine and.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sure.

[Christy Lee]

That's. I wasn't gonna wrap mine either.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Especially.

[Kevin Harlan]

Good game about rapping. And now you don't want to wrap them.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, wait a minute. Hold it.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, well, size.

[Tom Griswold]

It's peer pressure. Wait a minute. Oh, that's right. You're not a peer. But anyway, now I have a question. What happened? Am I out?

[Bob Kevoian]

My. My mother grew up during the depression.

[Tom Griswold]

And let me start this story off with my mother grew up during the depression.

[Bob Kevoian]

Talk to those people that are sensitive out there. And so when we would unwrap gifts, she would save the paper. Yes. They had to be unwrapped.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

So this thing without tape would. She would have loved this. Yeah. Because you could have.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Preserve the. Preserve the paper.

[Christy Lee]

Well, she would have loved the bag thing, because you can always save those every year.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't Think so. I, I really. The bag thing to me is the lazy person's way out.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, it's great.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't like the bag.

[Kevin Harlan]

You pay for it, though. They're a little pricier.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, they are. But you can reuse them over.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm wrapping it up with twine. And here you go.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, see, the whole thing is I.

[Christy Lee]

Like the twine thing.

[Kevin Harlan]

Now.

[Bob Kevoian]

See, what I do at my. What I do at my house, as you may or may not remember where the presents are under the tree, then the entry to that room, we seal with paper, and then when it's time for the girls to come in, they burst through. Like at the beginning of a football game where they jump through the paper ring.

[Kevin Harlan]

So you've seen. You see that Santa has arrived, and you go, okay, let's seal off the room.

[Bob Kevoian]

And then. And then. Exactly.

[Christy Lee]

And does Santa wrap all of his presents?

[Christopher]

Of course.

[Christy Lee]

No. Some houses, Santa doesn't have time to wrap all the presents.

[Tom Griswold]

I was always told, well, the elves.

[Bob Kevoian]

The strike that the elves went on was coincided with the actors strike. And the elves are back.

[Kevin Harlan]

They're rapping right now.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

I always thought the parents told Santa, hey, you can rap, please rap or don't rap. I was told my parents told him, don't rap.

[Tom Griswold]

That the presents were empty until Santa came and filled them.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, that's a cute thing.

[Tom Griswold]

They were under the.

[Bob Kevoian]

There's all kinds of magic that Santa can do. I think we have some Santa fans listening. The point being, right? I think it's. It's much nicer to have something to unwrap.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, if anybody goes to their parents and says, I know all about Santa, I heard it on the Bob and Tom show. I think they've got bigger problems than Santa.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm just saying this is a spoiler alert. Don't ruin it.

[Kevin Harlan]

My parents would ask Santa to not only not wrap the gifts, but to assemble some gifts.

[Christy Lee]

Yes, so would mine.

[Kevin Harlan]

So under the tree, there'd be the full bicycle. He man castle. And yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I remember one Christmas morning, me and the little tykes, people went round and round about how to remember the slide they made.

[Kevin Harlan]

I loved the people would stand up and go down.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. The kids could actually get up there in the slide. And slide.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, it was like yellow and red.

[Christy Lee]

Sure.

[Tom Griswold]

Ah, that piece of.

[Bob Kevoian]

Son of a.

[Kevin Harlan]

Classic.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, boy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, there's an old.

[Tom Griswold]

I was wrestled with in the middle of the floor with that damn thing. There's a.

[Bob Kevoian]

There are people that have a side gig of assembling stuff for other people.

[Kevin Harlan]

It's a great. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You know that's the number one selling car in the history of the world is the little Tex car.

[Christopher]

Really?

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, it's absolutely red and yellow. Deal. Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

The number one selling car in the history of the world is the little text.

[Bob Kevoian]

Have they cracked down now on the commercials for toys? I remember when I was a kid, I remember there was a commercial for the vacuform where you could make your own toys. This thing heated up to a way too hot temperature, set the house on fire and you could make these really crappy little plastic things. But in the commercial, of course, they're making planes that fly.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, I don't remember that toy, but yeah, we had Creepy crawlers. Remember that?

[Tom Griswold]

It can make bugs at the incredible time machine where they're little plastic pieces, square plastic. You put them in, you put them in the, this heating thing that as Tom said, it got, I don't know, 6, 700 degrees.

[Bob Kevoian]

It makes the house smell like burn plastic.

[Tom Griswold]

And you put it in there and turn it on and it would. The monster would pop out of the square of plastic and then you'd heat it back up in the same super heated thing. And when it got all gooey, you stuffed it back into this, this masher that would mash it back down into a cube. It was kind of. It was a.

[Kevin Harlan]

That's fun.

[Bob Kevoian]

It was a good time. I loved it. Just I can remember looking back. Do they have anything that dangerous anymore?

[Christy Lee]

Remember the chemistry sets? I think those got a little scary.

[Bob Kevoian]

How does the. Did the Easy Bake Oven with. I know. With current light bulb technology, an LED doesn't get hot enough to really cook that pork tartare into something edible, does it?

[Christy Lee]

The brownie that took eight hours to cook. Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

And you had to use your real oven for shrinky things.

[Christy Lee]

Yes, we had Shrinky Dinks.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, we had those too.

[Tom Griswold]

I had Shrinky Dinks and I didn't care for them.

[Christy Lee]

I didn't either.

[Kevin Harlan]

They were never as cool as you.

[Tom Griswold]

Want them to be and they all get all warped.

[Bob Kevoian]

Speaking of Shrinky Dinks, we have. You can substitute one letter. We have a story about a. About a shrinking or something involving penis.

[Tom Griswold]

Shrinking penis.

[Bob Kevoian]

That would be the subtle way. Yes, we'll get to that coming up here.

[Tom Griswold]

Wait a minute. I got a picture of the incredible time machine.

[H]

Hang on.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay. Well, in the meantime, we also have.

[Tom Griswold]

See that, that dome, that's where you did all your heating up. It's a hundred and million degrees in.

[Bob Kevoian]

That babies first killed.

[Christy Lee]

What did Tim Wilson used to always say? We didn't give a care about kids back then.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let's. Let's burn down that.

[Tom Griswold]

A Swedish cross country skier sustained an injury to his male member after competing in a race in finland. According to CNN. This is CNN. He finished a 12 mile World cup event in Ruka. R U K A Not sure where that is. Skier Callie doesn't.

[Kevin Harlan]

Ruka live on the second floor.

[Tom Griswold]

Ruka.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, it's Luca.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sorry.

[Tom Griswold]

Callie. Halvorson reported he suffered a frozen penis.

[Kevin Harlan]

Frozen penis.

[Tom Griswold]

Temperatures had dropped to 5 degrees above zero at the start of the race. 34 year old told Swedish outlet. It's called Expressin. I have frozen my penis for real. According to that publication. He suffered the injury before. Despite the pain. He joked it's lucky I'm about to have my second child because it's going to be difficult in the future if I'm going to continue like this. However, sand was the first Swede across the races. Finish line in 18th place, number one among the Swedes. When asked by Express and if he could describe the sensation, Halverson said no. Those who know, they know. But here's a tip from me. Stay away from it. It is the worst thing you can experience.

[Kevin Harlan]

I can't imagine.

[Christy Lee]

Why in the world does he continue to compete?

[Tom Griswold]

A frozen penis.

[Bob Kevoian]

Whenever I go skiing I always dip mine in hot chocolate before it helps.

[Kevin Harlan]

Does it really?

[Bob Kevoian]

No. Yeah, that's. That's the way I go.

[Tom Griswold]

That's how I go.

[Bob Kevoian]

Aren't you. They do make electric underwear or something.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, right. Those little hand warmer things you could stick down in there that you, you know, break open.

[Kevin Harlan]

And I have a tiny scar for mine.

[Tom Griswold]

Tiny scarf.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Wrap it around.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

The neck, if you will.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, he went. He went 12 miles in 5 degree, 5 above.

[Bob Kevoian]

But so did a lot of other competitors.

[Christy Lee]

Did they freeze their penises?

[Bob Kevoian]

Maybe they're using. Maybe there's a Swedish. Swedish product I invented the Peter Heater.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that true?

[Bob Kevoian]

To avoid the Vinter Veener intervener Peter Heater.

[Christy Lee]

Maybe he has that disease. You know, some people have. I do. And it's real cold and your. The fingertips turn white. All right, Reynards. Or whatever it is.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Maybe he has peanuts.

[Kevin Harlan]

Well, doesn't the penis kind of take care of itself in cold weather?

[Tom Griswold]

Maybe he's so. Yeah, there's no room in there.

[Bob Kevoian]

He's a little cap for it, huh? A little flat.

[Kevin Harlan]

Pat, what do you have to say about it?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, Pat, I have to do an update here. A skier on a mountaintop. Yeah, he was. Bo's frozen like an ice cream cone. Now frostbite's sinking in. His D is chilled to the ball. It's frozen. His member, it's frozen. I see penis start fire. Situation dire. Oh, that penis. Get a heater for his Peter.

[Bob Kevoian]

All right.

[Pat Godwin]

That's about it.

[Tom Griswold]

You know that sensation where when your hands start to get warm, there's kind of like needles?

[Kevin Harlan]

Yep.

[Tom Griswold]

That has to be the same thing with your penis.

[Bob Kevoian]

Right?

[Kevin Harlan]

That's got to be terrible.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And need to be horrible.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

An unfortunate nickname.

[Kevin Harlan]

It is.

[Bob Kevoian]

This guy's nickname is Dick Chili.

[Kevin Harlan]

You know, there's a place down the street that serves dick Chili. It's better than you'd think.

[Tom Griswold]

With a name like Dick Chili, it's gotta be good.

[Christopher]

Well, merry Christmas and hope you're having a great Christmas Day. So far, we are all Christmas this morning. Welcome to the Best of the Bob and Tom Show. Coming up in just a minute, comedian Jeff Shaw and what we want for Christmas. It's next on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Bob Kevoian]

Bob and Tom.

[Kevin Harlan]

This is Kevin Harlan. Tonight, the NBA on Prime crew is back with another action packed doubleheader. The night starts with Jaylen Brown and the Boston Celtics going toe to toe with Pascal Siakam and the Indiana Pacers. Then James Harden and the Los Angeles Clippers head to Portland to take on Shadon Sharp and the Portland Trail Blazers. It all comes your way tonight on prime. And if you're not a Prime member, that's not a problem. Sign up for a 30 day free trial to get started today. The Celtics and Pacers. The Clippers and Blazers coverage starts tonight at 7pm Eastern only on Prime. Restrictions apply. See Amazon.com Amazon prime for details.

[Christopher]

This is the Bob and Tom show on Christmas morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a segment with comedian Jeff Shaw and we're gonna find out what we want for Christmas. Hope you got everything you wanted.

[Bob Kevoian]

He is comedian Jeff Shaw.

[Kevin Harlan]

Jeff, good to meet you.

[Jeff Shaw]

Hi, everybody. Thanks for having me.

[Bob Kevoian]

He kind of reminds me of.

[Christy Lee]

Here we go. Go ahead.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, boy. I know what he's gonna say in the movie. Love, actually. Oh, the Bill.

[Tom Griswold]

Bill Nighy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Bill Nighy, the guy that plays the singer.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, I see that. Sure.

[Bob Kevoian]

Kind of. That.

[Tom Griswold]

We need to say a younger Bill Nighy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, God. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Am I right?

[Kevin Harlan]

Christmas is all around us.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Oh, I forgot.

[Tom Griswold]

My soul starts that feeling grow, man. That love, actually. What a great movie. Right, Josh?

[Jeff Shaw]

Well, I went to a guitar store a few years ago and this teenage boy thought that I might be Getty Lee from Rush.

[Bob Kevoian]

Ah.

[Jeff Shaw]

And when I told him that I wasn't, it kind of bummed him out. And I was kind of bummed out too, because the only thing worse than being a goofy looking dude with long hair and a high voice is being the wrong. Goofy looking dude with long hair and a high voice. Yeah. Are you the bass player from Rush? No, I'm the lead singer from REO Speedwagon.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. You could do it. I mean, you could pull it off. You'd be very good as posing as a rock star.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. We've had people pose and successfully get away with it, but you have to choose wisely.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. If you're gonna pose to somebody, you've got to go, yeah, like bass player.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

From Marshall Tucker Band or something. You can. You can. Not to say that he isn't a great bass player.

[Christy Lee]

It's just that he's not a household.

[Bob Kevoian]

Name in the world of sort of. Especially with people subbing for, you know, deceased members of the band. You never know.

[Jeff Shaw]

Well, I'm a big fan of, like, 80s hair metal and 70s progressive rock. And so that's why I think I look manlier with long hair than I do with short hair. Like, when I have long hair, strangers like, wow, I bet that guy teaches guitar. But when I have short hair, strangers like, wow, I bet that lady coaches soccer.

[Bob Kevoian]

I see Jeff Shaw is our guest. We'll get back to Jeffrey in a matter of moments. And you're a J, E, F, F, not a Geo.

[Jeff Shaw]

Yes, yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is there a distinction that I need to know?

[Christy Lee]

I don't know. But my cousin's a Geo, and everybody makes fun of him. And I don't know why he's due by the. I mean, by his. Because of his name. And I don't know why. Well, one time I went, what's wrong with Joffrey?

[Jeff Shaw]

I went to Starbucks to get a skinny latte. Cause I'm a skinny hottest.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, you are.

[Jeff Shaw]

And the barista said, sir, can I have your name for the cup? And I said, yes, it's Jeff. And she said, is that Jeff with one F or two Fs? And I said, two Fs? Good catch. Because I'd hate to see what would happen if you only wrote down 1F on my cup. Skinny decaf latte for Jeff. Skinny decaf latte for Jeff. Is there a Jeff? Oh, excuse me, miss, Are you saying Jeff or are you saying Jeff. Because it sounds like you're saying Jeff with one F and I'm Jeff with two Fs.

[Bob Kevoian]

Anybody else have a problem with when you go, they, they put your name in the cup and then people walk up to the thing and they're, they're grabbing everyone else's cups looking for the name, for the name. And I know, well, I just, the guy who was just picking his nose.

[Kevin Harlan]

Just grabbed my good barista name out always so that people don't have to do that. Ah, that's, that's their fault.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm surprised the health department allows them to do that.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'm surprised the health department allows you in the building.

[Christy Lee]

I am too.

[Jeff Shaw]

And I learned that it doesn't help to try to be funny when putting your name on the cup. I went to a different Starbucks. Barista goes, hey, bro, can I have your name for the cup, bro? And I go, yeah. The name is a five time Emmy award winning actress, Jane lynch, bro. Kid didn't get the joke because like five minutes later I hear skinny decaf latte for five time Emmy award winning actress Jane lynch, bro. I'm like, like, dude, I was kidding. And he goes, oh, now you tell me. That was a long name. He made me write, bro.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you always give your real name?

[Christy Lee]

Me?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

What do you tell him, Christy? Do you spell it? Very funny. Do you go to the time and trouble to go with a K?

[Christy Lee]

I don't. I, I, I go spell any way you want.

[Tom Griswold]

I've given them.

[Pat Godwin]

I go with Pasqual all the time.

[Kevin Harlan]

Pas.

[Bob Kevoian]

Pasqual.

[Christy Lee]

Why do you make them?

[Pat Godwin]

That's Italian for because it's fun. It's a fun morning.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, I've gone with Chuck.

[Christy Lee]

Have you?

[Tom Griswold]

And the lady asked, is that Doug? And I said yes. Yes, it is.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

So now I just say Doug.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now we have to move forward here. We'll get back to Jeff Shaw, comedian, momentarily. But first, Christy Lee, what's happening over there at the Silac Insurance news desk?

[Christy Lee]

Well, thank you, Frank.

[I]

Asking.

[Christy Lee]

Patrons at a New Zealand bar got quite the surprise when a baby seal wandered into the establishment. The curious creature trotted into the Sprig and Fern craft beer bar in Richmond, where it lodged itself under the dishwasher. Owner Bella Evans told the AP Associated Press that she managed to lure the seal pup into a dog crate with some salmon the pub was offering as a special pizza topping that day.

[Kevin Harlan]

Everybody loves a nice salmon pizza.

[Christy Lee]

I know, right? Conservation rangers eventually arrived, captured the seal, released it on the nearby rabbit island. Well, shouldn't it be Seal Island?

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah. They should have drinking at Seal Island.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Which would you rather have, a salmon pizza or Hawaiian pizza? Hawaiian.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Hawaiian.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Salmon pizza. Doesn't sound appetizing.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, I'd have to try it. You never know. But back to the seal. So there's a live seal and a bar.

[Christy Lee]

Yep. And the Department of conservation was saying that the bar staff did a great job keeping the little seal safe.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did she? The bartender went up to him and said, why the long face? And the seal said, hey, I'm in the wrong joke.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah. What are you talking about?

[Bob Kevoian]

And of course, maybe the seal was out for the night. He had heard about clubbing.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I was going to say, there's got to be club in there with me if you got a baby seal.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sure, sure. You know what you call a baby seal in Russia?

[Tom Griswold]

I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

I don't want to know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Half a pair of boots.

[Kevin Harlan]

Half a pair of boots. It takes one baby seal to make one boot.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, no.

[Bob Kevoian]

Mammal lovers.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

Few things cuter than seals.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, I know baby seals. Those cute.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Ever go up to a black Labrador retriever and.

[Pat Godwin]

My heart just doesn't have to be.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, we all heard black lady. He's done. This is his way of retiring.

[Bob Kevoian]

A black Labrador retriever.

[Tom Griswold]

In my defense, I heard it and tried to move along as fast as I could. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Take a black Labrador retriever, pin his ears back, and go, I'm a seal.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, they're very canine with any dog, you know.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, it's got to be a black Labrador.

[Kevin Harlan]

It can.

[Bob Kevoian]

Seals come in one color.

[Tom Griswold]

That's not what baby seals are white, aren't they?

[Christy Lee]

Yes, they are white.

[Bob Kevoian]

So ever go. Ever go up to an English cream golden retriever, pull his ears back and go, I'm a seal? A baby seal only works if they're puppies. Next.

[Christy Lee]

Jackie Vernon, the comedian and voice actor of Frosty the Snowman in the 1969 Holiday Classic is still alive. Well, he's something.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, no, I'm lucky he's not.

[Christy Lee]

He is alleged to have had at least three secret families.

[Bob Kevoian]

What?

[Christy Lee]

Yep. David Vernon, one of Jackie's children with Hazel Vernon.

[Tom Griswold]

How long's Jackie been dead? And they feel like they need to bring this up? Said the guy who might have more.

[Christy Lee]

Five or six other family share this revelation, chick. During an appearance on the Nostalgia Tonight with Joe Sebelia podcast, he recalled learning of his late father's other families when an unknown woman and her son showed up at the Vernon home sometime before Jackie's death in 1987. In addition to the revelation that his father had been married at least three other times, Jackie Vernon also had several other sons. David explained from these marriages, he had sons, and he named them all Ralph, after his original name. Ralph Vernon. Ralph Verone. I'm sorry. But he also abandoned all these families and moved on. My mom wasn't even sure if he divorced one of the women or if he was married to another one. So it's kind of confusing, huh? What's going on here?

[Tom Griswold]

If you think this is something, just stick around for my funeral.

[Kevin Harlan]

Okay. The parade of women.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pat Godwin]

Who the hell's that?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. In Roy Wood Jr's book, he talks.

[Kevin Harlan]

About having some Jackie Vernon as a father.

[Christy Lee]

Well, that'd be something.

[Bob Kevoian]

Some other brothers.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

So, I mean, the most famous, I guess one of these is the. Is the Charles. The guy that had the. The two families, they didn't know about each other.

[Christy Lee]

It'd be hard to do that these days.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

With cell phones and air tags and.

[Christy Lee]

Knowing where people are all the time.

[Bob Kevoian]

And Pat's got his guitar out. What's happening? I forgot I wanted to play a little bit of it. For those of you who don't remember Jackie Vernon as Frosty the Snowman, we have just a little bit.

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, I remember. I'm okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm good.

[Kevin Harlan]

Happy bir.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, I said my first words. But. But snowmen can't talk.

[Bob Kevoian]

All right, come on, now. What's the joke?

[Tom Griswold]

Could. Could I really be alive?

[Pat Godwin]

I mean, I can make words.

[Kevin Harlan]

I can move.

[Tom Griswold]

Not anymore.

[Kevin Harlan]

I can juggle.

[Bob Kevoian]

I can. You get the idea.

[Kevin Harlan]

I can cheat on my wife.

[Christy Lee]

I can have multiple wives, multiple families.

[Kevin Harlan]

Families.

[Tom Griswold]

Who knew Frosty grew up in Eastside New York.

[Bob Kevoian]

That was an odd choice, right?

[Kevin Harlan]

But, yeah, Jackie kind of looked like Jackie Vernon, though. They drew him very.

[Tom Griswold]

And Rankin or Bass must have known Jackie or something.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, the top hat, the whole. Okay, you have a song.

[Pat Godwin]

Frosty the voice guy Kept many secrets hid Everyone thought he had one wife but he had many wives and kids his name was Jackson Jackie Vernon and he had three or four families A son named David and three other Ralphs From Maine to Tennessee Jackie was a comic Many seeds were sowed he knocked up a girl in Poughkeepsie Married her and hit the road Frosty the voice guy was as sneaky as he could be it was big of him to keep them all he said, no, that's.

[Kevin Harlan]

Big of me.

[Tom Griswold]

I think it's big of all loose.

[Kevin Harlan]

I love that Frosty. Don't you guys watch it every year?

[I]

Yes, sure.

[Tom Griswold]

Nope.

[Pat Godwin]

No.

[Christy Lee]

I thought you were ranking basketball.

[Tom Griswold]

The red haired Santa Claus. Which I'm not sure which one that is.

[Christy Lee]

What are you talking about?

[Tom Griswold]

There's the one where young Santa Claus. And he's got red hair. Oh, and I think it's. Who does his voice. Tom, help me.

[Bob Kevoian]

No.

[Kevin Harlan]

Donald o'.

[Bob Kevoian]

Connor.

[Pat Godwin]

Carrot Top.

[Tom Griswold]

The Christmas. Yes, the Carrot Top Christmas.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, you're not.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

I hate all of you.

[Bob Kevoian]

Rankin. And that's their most famous one is.

[Christy Lee]

The Rudolph, of course. Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Which kind of a primitive animation.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, but it's still.

[Kevin Harlan]

It still wows me.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, no, it's great. I prefer it, in fact.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, that's great.

[Christy Lee]

But speaking of Christmas, a new poll reveals what people really want this year. Oh. What do you think? The Talker research survey of 5,000Americans found nearly 60% prefer to receive.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'm not trying to be. I'm not. Is nothing on the list?

[Christy Lee]

Nope.

[Kevin Harlan]

I tell my mom that every year. Don't worry about it, Mom. Don't give me anything she insists on.

[Bob Kevoian]

What did she. What'd she get you last year?

[Kevin Harlan]

Something I don't even use. One of those spying devices you put in your house?

[Bob Kevoian]

Are you kidding?

[Kevin Harlan]

Like an echo. Whatever.

[Christy Lee]

Like a echo show.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm not.

[Pat Godwin]

You don't like that.

[Kevin Harlan]

And she knows I'm against.

[Christy Lee]

Bought a new one. I could have gotten yours for free.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yes, she knows I'm against all that stuff that can be used against me.

[Jeff Shaw]

In a court of law.

[Bob Kevoian]

She. She. She likes to give you stuff that you never. You tell her I'm never going to use any of this stuff.

[Kevin Harlan]

I did not tell her I would never use that Tupperware Topper. Oh, is that funny, Ace?

[Bob Kevoian]

That is ironic, isn't?

[Christy Lee]

You are so mean.

[Bob Kevoian]

Just a joke. But I like Tupperware, Andy.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, Mickey Rooney was Santa Claus and Santa Claus is coming to town. And they went way back when he was young and he had red hair. He had red hair and a beard. Oh, you don't remember that one.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, that's a good one. I do.

[Tom Griswold]

That's a Rankin Pass.

[Christy Lee]

60% prefer to receive cash.

[Kevin Harlan]

The Year Without Santa Claus.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that's.

[Bob Kevoian]

They bought cash.

[Kevin Harlan]

60%.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, they want cash. Respondents wished for an average of. About. How much money do you think they want in cash?

[Kevin Harlan]

50.

[Bob Kevoian]

All of it.

[Christy Lee]

$600.

[Kevin Harlan]

What the hell? They're talking collectively.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, first of all, what do you want for Christmas?

[Pat Godwin]

600 bucks.

[Tom Griswold]

That is A nice figure.

[Christy Lee]

Right.

[Kevin Harlan]

I hope they're not listening, but if one of my little nieces. I said, hey, what do you want for Christmas? She looked at me and just said, $600 cash. I would laugh so you can venmo to it. I would laugh so hard.

[Tom Griswold]

Laugh so hard. I would absolutely.

[Bob Kevoian]

Are we taping this? I'm about to send a tape.

[Tom Griswold]

The big Lebowski. I tell her I'm going to an 18.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Right now. Yep.

[Kevin Harlan]

Just a tiny face looking up at you. 600.

[Christy Lee]

Dear arbitrary figure.

[Jeff Shaw]

At our house, every year, it's the same. Like, I give my mom 50 bucks. She gives my sister 50 bucks. She gives me 50 bucks. I give my other sister 50 bucks. Give my dad 50 bucks, it gives me 50 bucks. I'm like, are we exchanging gifts or are laundering money for the elf mafia?

[Kevin Harlan]

I like the idea of an elf mafia.

[Christy Lee]

Apparel and accessories ranked in second place, with casual attire and shoes being the most popular. Clothing.

[Bob Kevoian]

I find that very surprising.

[Christy Lee]

What do you mean?

[Bob Kevoian]

Cloth? When I was a kid, I hated getting clothes for Christmas.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah. I don't think kids still, I. I think they would prefer other things, I don't think.

[Tom Griswold]

In all the decades we've sat here, what was your favorite gift you ever received for Christma? Christmas before the age of 15, I.

[Bob Kevoian]

Really have to think about. I remember I really liked the vacuum form.

[Tom Griswold]

It was the one that smelled like the house.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. You heat it up, and you'd put these. These squares were like pieces of. Of pre wrapped cheese.

[Tom Griswold]

That's the incredible time machine.

[Bob Kevoian]

You put them in this thing, turn it on, and then it would.

[Kevin Harlan]

I.

[Tom Griswold]

How?

[Bob Kevoian]

I didn't burn the house down, but in the TV commercial, it made these plastic toys that you see them flying around on their own. In fact, it made really crappy toys. But I. I was. I looked forward to that one, and it turned out to be kind of a disappointment. I don't know, but, I mean, I didn't want to get a sweater.

[Tom Griswold]

BB gun for me.

[Christy Lee]

BB gun.

[Tom Griswold]

Dad got me a BB gun. Yep.

[Kevin Harlan]

What age would you say?

[Tom Griswold]

11? 12. Oh, 10.

[Bob Kevoian]

11. Did you go in the backyard and shoot cans?

[Tom Griswold]

No, I. I shot at the Bumpuses out in the back. They told. Everybody, told me, you. You put your eye out.

[Christy Lee]

Put your eye out.

[Tom Griswold]

No, I did get a BB gun on it.

[Bob Kevoian]

As an adult, you like getting clothing?

[Christy Lee]

Depends on.

[Kevin Harlan]

Well, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

What else would you get somebody as a gift? If you're. I mean, intimate gift would be clothing, I would think.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Would you buy a. A significant other, specifically yours?

[Pat Godwin]

Clothing.

[Tom Griswold]

No, of course not.

[Christy Lee]

I've heard, but that's you.

[Tom Griswold]

No.

[Kevin Harlan]

Unless. Unless I'm given a link with very specific colors, sizes.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'm not guessing the wrong size again.

[Bob Kevoian]

If it doesn't have. If it doesn't have jewelry, it's not going to be worn. I'm not gonna. I can't.

[Tom Griswold]

Does this say double X?

[Christy Lee]

Having their bills paid came in third place among those polls.

[Kevin Harlan]

They want to just pay my bills, that is.

[Bob Kevoian]

How do you wrap that?

[Christy Lee]

How romantic.

[Tom Griswold]

Is for how long? Like a month?

[Christy Lee]

I don't. It doesn't say.

[Bob Kevoian]

Terrible.

[Christy Lee]

We'll have more coming up on this.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thank you very much.

[Christy Lee]

We'll have the. The brand's most coveted. Which I am. I. I take. I don't know about this list.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, I see. You mean like. Like I got. You do. What is. What's the brand you most covet?

[Christy Lee]

Me?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, boy. Probably Ralph Lauren. I'm a big Ralph Lauren girl.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'm gonna go Magnum. No. Meaning I covet it because I don't.

[Bob Kevoian]

Jealous.

[Kevin Harlan]

Jealous. I wish my wiener were larger.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Christopher]

Coming up in just a few minutes on this Christmas morning, Dominick the Christmas Donkey. You don't want to miss it. Coming up next on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Pat Godwin]

Hey, folks, let me ask you a serious question. Did you know that driving high is considered driving under the influence? That's right. Driving under the influence of marijuana is against the law in every state. That means even in states where marijuana is legal, that means driving high could.

[Bob Kevoian]

Get you a dui.

[Pat Godwin]

And if you think law enforcement officers can't tell when you're driving high, well, my friend, you're wrong. If you're high, they can tell. Your friends can tell. Your co workers can tell. Even your parents can tell. Everyone can tell. So what makes you think that law enforcement officers don't know when you're driving high?

[Bob Kevoian]

You'd be wrong.

[Pat Godwin]

They can tell, too. Driving under the influence of marijuana can slow your response time and change how you perceive time and speed. So even if you think you're fine to drive when you're high, you're not. Because the bottom line is if you feel different, you drive different. And driving high is driving under the influence. So remember, drive high, get a dui. Paid for by nhtsa.

[Christopher]

Merry Christmas from all of us here at the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. It's all Christmas this morning, including this one. Dominic the Christmas donkey.

[Tom Griswold]

Your Bob and Tom Show. Go back to listener emails. I just want to thank Chick and the rest of you for providing me best Christmas music I've never heard before. For the third straight year, a year or two ago, it was. And then, Good morning, Coach Moore. And then a couple years ago, it was a zombie Christmas.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's one of ours.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Yep. He loved that one. And now, of course, it is Dominic the Donkey. Christy wanted to hear Papino the Italian Mouse, which is another big hit from Lou Monti.

[Pat Godwin]

And.

[Tom Griswold]

And here it is.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, I'm out.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'm in 100. House.

[Pat Godwin]

So won't you go away?

[Jeff Shaw]

Find yourself another house to run around and play.

[Kevin Harlan]

I love it.

[Bob Kevoian]

You scare my girl, you eat my.

[Pat Godwin]

Cheese, you even drink my wine.

[Bob Kevoian]

So hard to catch you, but you trick me all the time.

[Tom Griswold]

Ah, but he doesn't. The mouse doesn't come back. How you doing, Tom?

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow, that stinks, man.

[Kevin Harlan]

My story, we're live.

[Christy Lee]

We're learning all about mice living in the woods. Now, I have a little. Oh, is that right? Yes. And I have to put them in little plastic bags and put them in the trash with these little cute little eyes.

[Kevin Harlan]

What, are they just dying outside?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, are they suffocating the plastic bag?

[Christy Lee]

No, they're already dead.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you have a traditional mousetrap with the spring?

[Christy Lee]

No, we've. We used bait.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, that's no fun.

[Christy Lee]

I know, because that Springtown, it just. I can't.

[Kevin Harlan]

Sometimes it's followed by a high pitched squeal.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's when your cat. Your cat's been playing with it.

[Christy Lee]

I want a cat so badly. But I've been out.

[Tom Griswold]

Did I tell you that we were going to have a listener email from Ecuador?

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, no.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Tom Griswold]

Hello from Ecuador. Okay, this guy's name's Junior. I did a little digging. Junior said. Or as Tom would say, I did some homework. Yes, I like J.R. singer. Lou Monty was born in Little Italy in New York City. His hit song, Dominic the Donkey, has long been rumored to have ties to the Gambino and Genovese crime families. That's what it says.

[Kevin Harlan]

I have no doubt.

[Pat Godwin]

Play my record, Roulette.

[Tom Griswold]

The label, Roulette Records, put out Dominic the Donkey.

[Kevin Harlan]

They have to do something with that money.

[Tom Griswold]

Dominic the Donkey specifically created the launder money. There you go, right there. Yes, sir. We're doing our part.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hey, I see nothing.

[Kevin Harlan]

I don't hear. I don't hear anything.

[Tom Griswold]

I think it's a fine song. Dear Bob and Tom show. I heard Tom talking about walkie talkies for his daughters.

[Christy Lee]

Yep.

[Tom Griswold]

And you did talk to me in a text a couple Days ago you said roger that. And you said no.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, we got. Everyone has ever gotten their kids walkie talkies or when you were a kid. I remember when I got my first walkie talkie. The first thing you do is you turn them on and you're standing right next to the person going, can you hear me now?

[Tom Griswold]

Yep.

[Bob Kevoian]

And eventually once you, then you eventually go to the bathroom and then you go to the, you know, family room. Hey, it's still worth. And you go outside.

[Kevin Harlan]

They take the. My, my brain is not too fast right now. The rectangle batteries.

[Bob Kevoian]

These, these are rechargeable.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, nice.

[Tom Griswold]

And they were.

[Bob Kevoian]

It was 25 bucks for three of them. I mean 25 for both. And they're great. They really work well.

[Kevin Harlan]

I remember when we got our walkie talkies, we didn't have nine volts in the house. We had to wait another day or two. And man, just staring at those walkie talkies.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh my.

[Kevin Harlan]

Waiting for the batteries.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. This is one of the tricks to being a parent.

[Christy Lee]

Santa needs to have batteries.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Have I have a drawer or better yet a closet full of different batteries.

[Bob Kevoian]

Drive to three different CVS's trying to find those ones that are the size of a nickel.

[Kevin Harlan]

I ordered the watch and they've got.

[Bob Kevoian]

Got different codes on them. There's about five different ones.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, no, no, 20, 23. You can't go wrong with that one.

[Bob Kevoian]

That was, that's the one.

[Christy Lee]

That's like a standard, isn't it? They use that in your key fob.

[Tom Griswold]

Anyway. Good morning Bob and Tom show. My name's Rory. I'm not from Michigan. I'm a 23 year retired army veteran. Listening to Tom teach over and out to his daughters and walkie talkie upsets me. Oh, over literally means I'm done talking. I'm waiting for a response.

[Kevin Harlan]

Right.

[Tom Griswold]

Out is what the senior person of the conversation says when this conversation is finished.

[Kevin Harlan]

Okay, so your daughter does not have to say over and out when talking to you.

[Tom Griswold]

Over and out.

[Bob Kevoian]

You say over when your sentence is done.

[Tom Griswold]

Over and out is an oxymoron. Rory, 23 year retired army veteran tells you to say out, you just say out. Okay, you are saying I'm waiting for a response and this conversation is over at the same time. If Tom is going to teach his kids how to speak on walking.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't understand the protocol here. What does it mean?

[Kevin Harlan]

Well, so the protocol actually is you just say out. You don't say over and out when you're done talking, but in Tom's defense. Popular media has used over and out.

[Bob Kevoian]

Over, because you could. I could defend myself. Okay, over meaning that's the end of the sentence. Of the sentence.

[Christy Lee]

Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Out, meaning you're leaving, Right.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'm going to go with the army veteran.

[Tom Griswold]

According to Rory, a 23 year army veteran. Yeah, out is what the senior person of the conversation says. I don't think anyone below that rank can say out.

[Bob Kevoian]

They can't end the conversation.

[Kevin Harlan]

You're going to get reamed if you try to end a conversation with a superior.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, excuse me, Can I be in charge for a while?

[Bob Kevoian]

Excuse me, General. I'm out.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

Interesting.

[Tom Griswold]

There you go.

[Kevin Harlan]

I feel like movies, TV shows, every over and out was always.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

Maybe it's changed.

[Bob Kevoian]

Maybe they got it wrong and then I'm out. The phrase I'm out is. Has been popularized on television recently, right?

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

It has with.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. With Shark Tank. No.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, yeah. For that reason, I thought you're going to get.

[Tom Griswold]

For those reasons, I'm out.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but I mean, they always say I'm out.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, and one more letter before we leave. Dear Bob, a top show. My name's Jim. I'm from northeast Ohio. I love this song. Dominic the Donking. I've loved it for years.

[Bob Kevoian]

From Youngstown. Doesn't say for sure if the song.

[Tom Griswold]

Is all mobbed on the Youngstown. I just got this sweatshirt the other day. Been listening to you for 35 years. I love Dominic the Donkey. And here's a picture of Jim with Dominic the Donkey sweater. There it is.

[Kevin Harlan]

It's fantastic.

[Christy Lee]

I love it.

[Kevin Harlan]

Look how cute Dominic is.

[Tom Griswold]

Isn't that amazing? Dominic the Donkey is a cute little cartoon character.

[I]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

But this, this had never been taken to the next level.

[Christy Lee]

Italian Christmas donkey, right?

[Tom Griswold]

Not as hairy as I thought he'd be being Italian. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm kind of surprised. I'm wondering if this is going to be the next animated Christmas special. Oh, is there enough if we have.

[Christy Lee]

Made Dominic the Donkey.

[Tom Griswold]

What if we. What if we leave. Leave today from work and we go down the stairs and there's a guy. Hey, excuse me. Can I talk to you for a second? Hang on a second.

[Kevin Harlan]

I can't help but hear that you're playing to Dominic the Donkey.

[Tom Griswold]

We appreciate it. First of all. Thank you very much.

[Bob Kevoian]

I got a one more D. I guess I have to read this one now.

[Tom Griswold]

All right.

[Kevin Harlan]

It's a nice radio station you got here.

[Bob Kevoian]

Shame if anything what happens comes to us from Grant. He writes, good morning Wonderful people. I heard the teaser about the most annoying Christmas songs yesterday, but I missed the segment. I assumed that Dominic the donkey was on the list. Then I heard a brief recap this morning and it confirmed my suspicion. Twelve years ago, I was at work. We were playing Christmas music all day. The song Dominic the Donkey came on. I instantly hated it. I asked a co worker who the artist was. He checked the display and said, it's someone named Lou Monty. I declared an anger Lou Monty is a dead man.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, man.

[Bob Kevoian]

Then we googled it and found out that he was indeed dead. Literally a dead man. It is a running joke for us to this day. So sorry to see you go, Monty. But Dominic the donkey voted one of the most annoying Christmas songs. But I never heard it until yesterday.

[Tom Griswold]

Yep, me either.

[Bob Kevoian]

And I spent all day yesterday with it in my head as an earworm. It's kind of a beer drinking field.

[Kevin Harlan]

Kind of.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Raise a glass.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Don't you think?

[Kevin Harlan]

Let's all raise a glass to Dominic the donkey. Here, here, Dominic, pour one out.

[Christopher]

Coming up in just a few minutes, we're going to kick off the hour with Maria Bamford in studio. It's all Christmas this morning. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Bob Kevoian]

Bob and Tom.

[Kevin Harlan]

U.S. soccer Reality says the odds are stacked against us. To think our U.S. men's National Team can ever raise the world's biggest trophy, be the first soccer team to beat them at football?

[Tom Griswold]

Never.

[Kevin Harlan]

But here's the thing about us refusing to accept reality.

[Pat Godwin]

It's kind of our thing.

[Tom Griswold]

Being unrealistic, that's not a flaw, it's a force.

[Pat Godwin]

It's fuel. Because if you want to be great.

[Kevin Harlan]

And make history, never chase reality.

[Bob Kevoian]

Join us soccer insiders today.

[Kevin Harlan]

Be part of the journey.

[Christopher]

Welcome back on this Christmas morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. This is the best of the Bob and Tom Show. Here's a segment we did recently with comedian Maria Bamford in studio.

[Kevin Harlan]

We are joined by one of our absolute favorite people on the planet.

[Bob Kevoian]

It she's the lovely Maria Bamford, comedian. And Maria, I know this is radio, but I'm going to try to describe your glasses. Yes, they are wonderful. They're sending me back to the 50s.

[I]

You've got to make something shine on your face as you grow older, you know, so people say, oh, that's something's over there.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now.

[Kevin Harlan]

Are those considered cats?

[Jeff Shaw]

That's.

[Bob Kevoian]

That was my question.

[I]

Cat's eye. Yes, cat's eye. Lots of jewels. I did not make them myself.

[Kevin Harlan]

Okay.

[I]

Yeah. My friends have an eyeglass shop.

[Bob Kevoian]

So now do you have Mrs. Lefler, who I'm sure you know, was my librarian at Mercer Elementary School in Shaker Heights, Ohio? Mrs. Lefler had those. The chain.

[I]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

And then she would drop her glasses. I didn't understand.

[Kevin Harlan]

Lower her hair. You would instantly fall apart.

[Pat Godwin]

You'd get an A that year.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now in my world, slightly, slightly. A little hipper. I have the, the cord versions of those for my sunglasses. Oh, yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

He looks really cool in them too.

[Bob Kevoian]

And you. But do you like the guys that take their sunglasses and park them on the back of their hat backwards?

[Pat Godwin]

I think sometimes it's a practicality thing. I don't think they're shooting for a look with that necessarily.

[Bob Kevoian]

Will you do it?

[Pat Godwin]

It's not my look. No, I, I just go, you know, push it back in the hair.

[Christy Lee]

I'm afraid you'll lose them. How would you know if they fall off the back of your head?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I've got, I've got the string thing that. But do you have to wear those all the time or.

[I]

Yes. Now I can't see. Yeah, I didn't used to, but now I'm fetified.

[Pat Godwin]

Woo hoo.

[I]

Every year gets better. It really does.

[Bob Kevoian]

And you, you are now married.

[I]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

And I'm trying to remember which of you met your man who's a fine artist.

[I]

Yes, we met on Oki Cupid. There was only. We only had a couple miles between us. Geograph. And that seemed very sexy. And Los Angeles is such a giant. I mean, sometimes you can date somebody.

[Bob Kevoian]

And you know, can you dial that in? Can you put. Is it like, like if I look for a car, sometimes I'll look for like some exotic thing and I'll go, you can. There's a little thing you can put in. Within how many miles you're willing to drive.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, yeah.

[I]

For dating you could do that too. Under five. Under five miles.

[Bob Kevoian]

You're kidding me.

[Christy Lee]

Well, it makes sense. In cities like that, you can't get anywhere. I mean.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but what if Mr. Wright's six miles away?

[Christy Lee]

You're gonna have to move Mr.

[Pat Godwin]

Right here.

[Kevin Harlan]

He was Mr. Better have a Motorcycle.

[Bob Kevoian]

And he is. His name again is Scott Marvel Cassidy.

[I]

Scott Marvel Cassidy. He's originally from Philadelphia.

[Bob Kevoian]

He's a great, he's a great painter.

[I]

He's great. Oh, thank you. I tell him you said that. That's so wonderful. Yeah, we, you know, we work on it. We got something off Instagram. For every one negative interaction you have with your spouse, you gotta have five positives. So if Scott says, maria, why'd you load the refrigerator like it's a prank show?

[Kevin Harlan]

Then.

[I]

He'S gotta make up for it by saying, you have a monkey face and little monkey feet, monkey hands and a monkey body, and you're a monkey. It doesn't have to be genius, right? You know, but, you know, and I criticize him. I say, oh, can you please get your dirty band aids into the freaky sorry. Into the sorry. Into the I'm so sorry into the trash can. And then he said, you know, then I'm gonna make up for it by saying, you know, but you are filled with blood and you have a rabbit face every time I request it. And you're a dancer and I like your dang in my wet plop. And that is Radio Saint.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's fine, Damien.

[Christy Lee]

The wet plot.

[Bob Kevoian]

I thought I'd heard everything. That's, that's great. Maria Bamford is our guest. She is a distinguished comedian.

[I]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you get uptight about the comedienne versus comedian thing? I, I, I, I just would like to work.

[I]

That is my main hope. Yeah, I, and yeah, sometimes I have people say I'm worried about the comedians who have been canceled, but they seem to be working more than ever.

[Kevin Harlan]

Like, I just feel like canceled comedians selling out arenas.

[I]

Yeah, no, exactly. I think they'. But, yeah, I know that people have said people are worried about money, you know, the past elections, people are worried about earning, but rich people worry about money. I mean, have you ever heard of extremely wealthy person? They're talking about it all the time.

[Christy Lee]

We would love to give, but we've.

[I]

Got our two girls in private school and we're getting the kitchen and the bathroom done on our home in the Palisades. Oh, I'm sorry. Stop listening to this. This romance novel. I don't care about any of the characters. Please let me know when there's been a murder.

[Bob Kevoian]

That may have been the quickest, high quality summary of contemporary culture I've ever heard. That was great. Maria Bamford is so funny. And Maria, this is, this is a new story that I think you might enjoy. Perhaps not.

[Kevin Harlan]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's about Christmas songs and the food that is mentioned in Christmas songs. I don't know what these. Some of these are. Christy, do you.

[Christy Lee]

Have you've ever sung we wish you a merry Christmas and wondered what figgy pudding might be? Mental floss as an explanation.

[Bob Kevoian]

Does anybody know?

[Christy Lee]

Yes, I know because I was just in Britain and had it, so.

[Bob Kevoian]

And it's spelled F, I, G, G Y. Figgy Maria you know what that is?

[I]

Well, it's got a fig and a pud.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is it a wet pudding?

[Christy Lee]

A plum pudding. Oh yeah. Or Christmas pudding as they call it in Britain. Which is just another word rather for dessert in Britain.

[I]

It sounds frank.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is it? So it's a stupid question is we wish you a merry Christmas. Was that written by an Englishman?

[Christy Lee]

Must have been.

[Bob Kevoian]

Or English woman.

[Kevin Harlan]

You would have thought. You'd think we wish you a happy Christmas.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

They go for over there.

[Bob Kevoian]

So it's figgy pudding.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, it's like.

[Kevin Harlan]

Like we know what you're trying to do.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, no, no, there's. There's a. There's a great song that we play called Fat Like Santa. And there's that one line where he goes, bring me the figgy pud. I've always thought he was saying friggin pudding.

[Kevin Harlan]

He is. It's a joke. Oh yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I didn't.

[Kevin Harlan]

Real serious.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

I didn't know that he's play.

[Kevin Harlan]

He's making a joke on figgy pudding by saying bring me some fraking pudding.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, I never. I had no idea. Idea.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

That's like the one joke in that song.

[Bob Kevoian]

Josh. It's a great song. It brings joy to many. But thank you for ruining it.

[Kevin Harlan]

It's kind of brings join to many. I didn't ruin anything.

[Christy Lee]

It's kind of like a cake with some dried fruit. They usually have like rum or some kind of liquor or.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is it kind of wet?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, it's moist. It's a dry cake. It's cake.

[Kevin Harlan]

It's like closer. Like a Russian wet cake, please.

[I]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

And another.

[I]

It's like another word for the wet plop.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes, exactly. But is this one of those things that nobody ever does?

[Christy Lee]

You can get it anytime in Britain.

[Bob Kevoian]

But I don't know about the chestnuts roasting on an open fire. We. No one ever gets that.

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

And we remember. We tried it a couple years ago and it wasn't great.

[Christy Lee]

It wasn't very good.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean I certainly like the imagery and the sound of it all. Sure. Okay. What's the other one?

[Christy Lee]

What about wassail? Here we come. A wassling or whatever.

[Bob Kevoian]

I never got that.

[I]

That's booze.

[Pat Godwin]

Wassling is.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

I thought we. We did that in high school choir and was like a caroling over there.

[Christy Lee]

It's a spiced mold. Wine. Wine substituted with apple cider and clove and ginger.

[H]

Huh?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Did you say mulled wine mold?

[Christy Lee]

M U L L mold.

[Bob Kevoian]

What does that taste like? It's like warm.

[Christy Lee]

It's a warm wine that has spice in it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do people do this?

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes. Really?

[Christy Lee]

Make it in your crock pot. Leave it in the crock pot if you're having a party. And yeah, it stays warm.

[Kevin Harlan]

Wait, I think we had it at some party or something. Yeah.

[I]

Put it in your driver's side console.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yes. You gotta buckle it in.

[I]

Yeah, but. Oh, yeah, buckle that, that wine in.

[Pat Godwin]

Buckle that wine.

[Bob Kevoian]

Maria, I. I'm assuming that you have a lot of peculiar habits. Why would you assume.

[I]

How dare you, Tom.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, thanks for coming by, Maria.

[Pat Godwin]

We hope you come back.

[Tom Griswold]

I mean.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you drink alcohol?

[I]

Yes, sure. I'll occasionally have a drinky poo.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, how about. Are you a meat eater?

[I]

Yes, I'll have a shank.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm wrong on both. I'm wrong on both counts.

[I]

I'm a hammock. Yeah. No, but I am progressive. I'm a pinko commie liberal. So please, heads up, YouTube your comedy before seeing it. I'm gonna have some things to say that will be upsetting.

[Kevin Harlan]

You don't wanna be hit with a red hat.

[I]

Yeah. Oh my Lord. There's no one need.

[Bob Kevoian]

I would have pegged you as a possible vegan.

[I]

Well, cuz sometimes people like, they see the face on the thing, they go.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, it's someone just like me. She's.

[Bob Kevoian]

She's blonde. So we must have all the same.

[Kevin Harlan]

Thoughts.

[I]

And YouTube it. YouTube it before you go out. Don't spend 50 bucks on a comedy club when you're gonna make yourself miserable. Invest with watching before you go.

[Christy Lee]

Also, our last one on the list.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, sorry. What was going.

[Christy Lee]

Sugar. Sugar plums. The sugar plum fairy, obviously.

[Kevin Harlan]

In the Nutcracker, I always picture gumdrops. That's just what I picture.

[Christy Lee]

One recipe for sugar plums calls for plums, apricots and figs that are mixed with nuts, powdered sugar and a host of spices along with honey, sugar and salt to create a fruit and nut ball.

[Kevin Harlan]

Jeez, there's a lot going on there.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's a.

[Kevin Harlan]

That's chaos.

[Jeff Shaw]

Yeah, Makes me sick.

[Bob Kevoian]

What do you do traditionally, food wise, for Christmas? Do you do a pumpkin pie or cookies or.

[Christy Lee]

We do cookies. We making cookies at our house is a big deal. They like to ice, you know, the icing and the little sprinkles and decorating and all that.

[Bob Kevoian]

This sounds complicated.

[Christy Lee]

Like a beef tenderloin or something. Nice.

[Bob Kevoian]

This sounds complicated. I wonder if I should try it. Is it possible to do homemade candy canes? Oh my God, anything's possible.

[Pat Godwin]

It's gonna stink Just go get candy canes.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, just go buy them. Your kids probably don't even eat them.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm just wondering. It sounds like a challenge.

[I]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Would you roll them? I mean.

[I]

Oh, my God. It sounds like you're trying to take somebody's job away from them.

[Christy Lee]

I think you would use a little piping bag and do the icing around it. I think.

[Kevin Harlan]

I don't know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay. I'm just curious.

[Christy Lee]

I just make your life more complicated now.

[Bob Kevoian]

When you were a kid, did your mom and dad hang candy canes from the tree?

[Christy Lee]

Absolutely.

[Kevin Harlan]

A couple of them.

[Christy Lee]

I still do.

[Tom Griswold]

It has that.

[Bob Kevoian]

I was. I think that's gone. I think we were talking about how that tinsel stuff's gone out of style.

[Christy Lee]

I'm sorry. I still do it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Don't be sorry.

[Christy Lee]

12 of them every year. Nobody eats them. I throw them away at the end of the year.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, they. I. I hate candy canes, but I like. I mean, no one wants to eat them, but they're cool to.

[Christy Lee]

They look cute on the tree.

[Bob Kevoian]

Just curious. I think it's one of those traditions. We were talking about the fact earlier, Maria, that that tinsel has gone out of style. You know that metal stuff.

[I]

Yeah. No, that's why I hang peppermint bark. I just take large chunks of peppermint bark and I just kind of place it right. Right within the tree.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you have a dog? Do you have a dog?

[I]

I. I have two dogs.

[Bob Kevoian]

I know you did. Do you have a new one?

[I]

Pug. And a pug. Chihuahu. A pow, if you will. Yeah. So they. Yeah, we. We don't put anything you can eat on the tree because they would.

[Bob Kevoian]

Because they will eat the tinsel.

[I]

Oh, they'll. Yeah, they'll eat anything.

[Bob Kevoian]

And then you. Once you have a very festive excretory event a couple days later, typically.

[I]

Yeah, they'll eat ceiling tile.

[Christy Lee]

My kids were home over the holidays, Right. From Chicago, and they left.

[Kevin Harlan]

They ate the tinsel?

[Christy Lee]

No, they left two everything bagels on the counter, and my dog ate them. Let me tell you. You think garlic breath on a person's bed. Let your dog eat a couple of everything bagels.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, Lord.

[Kevin Harlan]

Really?

[Christopher]

More Christmas stuff is on the way here on this Christmas morning. We're gonna talk Christmas trees coming up in just a minute. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Pat Godwin]

Bob and Tom. Next, roll with Vernon Davis.

[Kevin Harlan]

The transformative journeys of athletes, artists and entrepreneurs. We have very special guests.

[Pat Godwin]

Ladies and gentlemen, Bob Franklin.

[Bob Kevoian]

Whether it's the movies I'm doing, whether it's the TV shows. I just tap into the truth. That's what I bring to every project.

[Kevin Harlan]

Ladies and gentlemen, eyes and people always.

[Bob Kevoian]

Ask, how did you make it to the NFL? How'd you get into acting?

[Pat Godwin]

There's a story behind all of that. It's about whether you're willing to tell.

[Bob Kevoian]

Your story or not.

[Kevin Harlan]

Next roll isn't about what's next. It's about why they do it.

[Pat Godwin]

Next Roll with Vernon Davis.

[Kevin Harlan]

Follow and listen on your favorite platform.

[Christopher]

Welcome back. Merry Christmas from all of us here at the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Let's talk Christmas trees.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Kevin Harlan]

Hello.

[Bob Kevoian]

Welcome back. Thanks very much for joining us. We have Christy Lee at the Bob and Tom news desk. Chick looking a little exasperated over there at the sports desk.

[Christy Lee]

He was talking, great day yesterday.

[Tom Griswold]

I had a great day yesterday and then I came in and I don't know what happened.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you go shopping? Did you?

[Tom Griswold]

I did.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, what did you buy?

[Tom Griswold]

I went to the gym.

[Bob Kevoian]

That always makes you happy.

[Tom Griswold]

My favorite. My favorite restaurant store.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, did you buy something?

[Tom Griswold]

I can't say the name of it, but they had everything. It was right on Target. Really?

[Bob Kevoian]

I love Target. A lot of big lots.

[Tom Griswold]

I got. I got a com. I got a brand new comforter.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

White, of course.

[Christy Lee]

Did you get a duvet to put on your comforter?

[Bob Kevoian]

No. So what? So you've been sleeping on a mattress with no blankets?

[Tom Griswold]

I don't vape to a duvet. No, it was. It was a smaller. It was a smaller bed initially and now it's a bigger bed. And that's why. So the comforter I had wouldn't fit.

[Bob Kevoian]

And you get a new one.

[Tom Griswold]

Exactly.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is very exciting. When you get a comforter, do you throw it on the bed and lie down on it in the store?

[Tom Griswold]

And I roll. Yeah, Right there on the.

[Bob Kevoian]

Roll around naked.

[Tom Griswold]

Right there in the aisle.

[Bob Kevoian]

Way snuggle up to it. It's kind of like, you know how a baseball pitcher rubs down the baseball? Yeah. You have to do that with a duvet. You have to roll around naked on it to get all the shine off of it.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah. You have to.

[Tom Griswold]

I have to work on that.

[Bob Kevoian]

You have to rub yourself all over it.

[Tom Griswold]

The one dog has learned how to open the patio door.

[Christopher]

Door.

[Bob Kevoian]

The bad screen.

[Tom Griswold]

The screen.

[Bob Kevoian]

I have a lab. We can open all of our doors.

[Tom Griswold]

So for 20 minutes yesterday, I was. Ruby. She's outside.

[Bob Kevoian]

Outside.

[Tom Griswold]

Didn't know she was Outside. Didn't know she could go in and out. They're slowly taking over. And I know I talk about my dogs too much. Sorry.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, they're your buddies.

[Tom Griswold]

They're my friends.

[Christy Lee]

I bought a Christmas tree yesterday.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm sorry, what? Why did you do that plastic one? I'm hoping Tom is at least waiting until after Thanksgiving because of all of.

[Christy Lee]

The talk yesterday about Christmas trees and I don't know how we got on the topic.

[Tom Griswold]

I put my tree out yesterday.

[Christy Lee]

Did you?

[Bob Kevoian]

You.

[Tom Griswold]

It's in a snow globe, but I just sat it right there on the counter.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, that's nice.

[Tom Griswold]

That ain't Christmas. I'll kiss your ass.

[Bob Kevoian]

Happy holidays.

[Christy Lee]

I put all the Halloween decorations away and then I went, oh, you know what? I don't think I have a Christmas tree. I remember last year I threw my Christmas tree away.

[Bob Kevoian]

Was it a. So it was obviously a plastic.

[Christy Lee]

Yes. I get a fake tree, Tom.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, just wait till you get to heaven.

[Christy Lee]

What do you mean, wait till I get to heaven?

[Bob Kevoian]

They're gonna send you to the fake Pearly Yates.

[Christy Lee]

There's nothing wrong with a fake Christmas tree. I bought a very nice.

[Tom Griswold]

You get a fake tree that's caused to go to hell. Is that right?

[Christy Lee]

That's what he think.

[Bob Kevoian]

Have a lot of very obscure rules. You might want to review that, Chris.

[Tom Griswold]

I've never been able, with the real tree to get it to take on water. I don't know what I do wrong.

[Bob Kevoian]

You have to cut. You have to cut it just before you put it in the thing.

[Tom Griswold]

Tried that.

[Christy Lee]

Really, it's too much work for me by myself.

[Bob Kevoian]

Maybe the tree doesn't want to be there.

[Kevin Harlan]

You think?

[Tom Griswold]

The atmosphere is drying it out.

[Bob Kevoian]

It could very well be. We had a lady speaking. What did you say?

[Christy Lee]

It's too much trouble for me by myself to have a real tree. I've tried a couple of years and it was just way too much work.

[Bob Kevoian]

I got a tree guy that could come over and help you.

[Tom Griswold]

That's where the snow globe came in. For. For me?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. See, Chick knows what I'm talking about.

[Tom Griswold]

And you wind it up.

[Christy Lee]

Needles all over the carpet.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, Totanem bomb. Beautiful.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, well, we're going to cut our tree this year.

[Christy Lee]

As I said yesterday, my tree is going to be delivered to my door.

[Bob Kevoian]

How nice. That's very nice.

[Christy Lee]

With the lights already on it. It's going to be great.

[Tom Griswold]

How tall. How tall are we?

[Christy Lee]

Six and a half feet.

[Tom Griswold]

Six and a half footer. How much? How much out the door?

[Christy Lee]

I think it was 306 and a half.

[Tom Griswold]

That seems a little steep.

[Bob Kevoian]

That seems a little small.

[Tom Griswold]

What is this? Jay Z's tree? Gold chains.

[Kevin Harlan]

What's going on?

[Bob Kevoian]

You could get a real tree. You could get like six real trees for that.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, bull. How much is your tree costing?

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't remember.

[Christy Lee]

Uh huh.

[Tom Griswold]

There was.

[Bob Kevoian]

My guess is.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, I'm sorry. It was 250.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, see, that's 250 free shipping.

[Tom Griswold]

Wasn't there a shortage of Doug firs at one point? They were very expensive.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's true.

[Christy Lee]

This is a Susquehanna river pine. My Susquehanna river runs through Pennsylvania family there. So it meant a lot to me.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm sure it did. So the people who grow them for a living. But some guy in China, some kid working 18 hours a day making Christmas trees is gonna be just fine. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Because I'm not taking away the resources.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm glad that little tyke is building my trees. No, you're not taking away natural resources when you buy a live tree. Those are made on tree farms. It's good for the environment and puts people to work. Americans. Get to work.

[Tom Griswold]

That was my favorite Christmas though. I want to actually went out and cut one down one time, but it didn't take the water. It dried out.

[Christy Lee]

All right, you guys.

[Bob Kevoian]

I like the real thing. Although I would. One quick recommendation. One quick recommendation.

[Christy Lee]

Not all of us would a Norman Rockwell painting. Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Don't do the natural. I took my lawn trimmings and put them in the Easter baskets. That's a bad idea. You want to go with the fake Easter grass? The fake grass? Yeah, I'm just. I'm just saying we have a. Oh. Phone call, line six. Yes, Bob and Tom should. Hello? Hi, who's this?

[H]

This is Aaron.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hi, Aaron. What can we do for you?

[H]

Well, I heard you guys talking about Christmas tree farms and I just happened to be part owner of one in Ohio.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, so you're a Christmas tree farmer. So will you tell Christy that it's not bad for the environment to harvest Christmas trees?

[H]

It's definitely not. In fact, it's way worse for the environment to have plastic ones.

[Bob Kevoian]

I see.

[H]

They take up landfill space. They're not biodegradable. They're not renewable.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, I know.

[Tom Griswold]

Way to go. Way to go, Chris.

[Bob Kevoian]

And there's probably some river or stream in China that's.

[Tom Griswold]

Way to go.

[Bob Kevoian]

Just some kind of liquid poison.

[Christy Lee]

Very hard as a way to ruin it for everybody. Thanks for ruining Christmas.

[Tom Griswold]

You're not Christmas.

[Bob Kevoian]

What kind of trees do you feel like?

[Christy Lee]

The animals?

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you Grow just one kind of tree.

[H]

We have several different types of pine trees. White pine, scotch pine, several varieties, varieties of spruce and fur as well.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow. Now is this a tree farm where people walk in and they cut it down themselves or do you harvest them?

[H]

Well, we are full service. We have multiple employees and we like to go out with customer and cut it down for them and they can ride the horse and wagons and there's a gift shop and live reindeer and the whole deal.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, now that sounds nice.

[Bob Kevoian]

How much to cut down one of the live reindeer?

[Kevin Harlan]

Live reindeer?

[Tom Griswold]

You don't know Bobbits, but with live reindeer, don't you? You have droppings, Reindeer droppings.

[H]

Well, I'm sure there's definitely some droppings, but they're in a pen. But I've heard that light reindeer would probably taste delicious.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let me ask you, we were asking before, Christy was saying that she could never keep her and Chick was saying keep the tree green after they get it. What do you do to. I thought you.

[Tom Griswold]

To ensure it takes on water.

[Bob Kevoian]

Fresh cut at the bottom to make sure it takes on water. Is that what you do?

[H]

Fresh cut on the bottom for sure. And then you just gotta make sure the water doesn't run out. If it runs out in the tree stand, then it'll seal over on the bottom and then it won't take water.

[Bob Kevoian]

What about ice cubes in the tray? Is that a good idea?

[H]

Yeah, there's lots of hokey things out there, but basically just water.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's the biggest one.

[Tom Griswold]

What about aspirin in the. What about a nice aspirin in the water? No aspirin?

[H]

No. You can if you want.

[Bob Kevoian]

How about hot water? Is there.

[Tom Griswold]

How about Vicodin? How about some Vicodin for the tree?

[H]

Oh yeah, they love that Vicodin. I was thinking maybe some Viagra in there would keep it straight.

[Christy Lee]

He's walking down your Christmas tree.

[Tom Griswold]

How do we get this gentleman's number for an off the air discussion?

[Bob Kevoian]

A foot a year.

[Christy Lee]

Is it a foot a year?

[H]

Yeah, on average about a foot a year.

[Bob Kevoian]

Huh. What's the tallest one? What's the tallest one you sell?

[H]

Typically last year we sold a couple in the 14 foot range, which is just ridiculous. But yeah, pretty large yards. That is nice to move it around.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'll bet. Yeah. Geez. Well, very good. Well, thanks. Thanks for the call. So about that.

[H]

Hey, you guys rocked. Appreciate it.

[Christy Lee]

Thank you. It's Merry Christmas.

[Bob Kevoian]

Election day today.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I always just go to the neighborhood apartment complex and grab a tree.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is that what you Did.

[Kevin Harlan]

That's nice.

[Tom Griswold]

Remember the. Remember the year I dumped a tree over here like a dead body?

[Christy Lee]

And it laid there for how long?

[Bob Kevoian]

Until a chick moved it, I think.

[Tom Griswold]

No, I never did.

[Christy Lee]

No, he never moved.

[Bob Kevoian]

But some places do. They take the Christmas trees and they dump them in the lake, I think.

[Tom Griswold]

The earth.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, right.

[Christy Lee]

And some people, they take it to the, you know, parks and they mulch it up, but which it makes for.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now, you can't do that with Christie's tree because it'll be. Oh, no, I do that.

[Tom Griswold]

Is it at least a white tree with the disc that you can make it change colors. If you're going to get a plastic tree, get a plastic tree.

[Bob Kevoian]

My wife has one of those. The old aluminum.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

With the rotating color wheel.

[Tom Griswold]

There you go.

[Bob Kevoian]

Boy, those are a pain in the butt.

[Christy Lee]

It's a very lovely tree.

[Tom Griswold]

Does this already have lights? Already have lights on it? Yes. Pre lit.

[Jeff Shaw]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Multi color, by the way. I don't go for.

[Bob Kevoian]

I have one of those and it's.

[Tom Griswold]

It's very, very nice.

[Kevin Harlan]

See?

[Christy Lee]

Thank you, Bob.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sorry, my. I'm old school. I like only. Only the white lights.

[Christy Lee]

And believe me, I would love to be that.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm right there with you, Tommy, my buddy.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's right. You guys.

[Jeff Shaw]

Guys.

[Kevin Harlan]

See, that says a lot.

[Tom Griswold]

You guys are.

[Bob Kevoian]

White light only.

[Christy Lee]

White only.

[Bob Kevoian]

And what's the code to get into.

[Tom Griswold]

Your gated community, Chick? No, I'm not. I'm not in a gated community.

[Kevin Harlan]

All right, maybe one of these.

[Tom Griswold]

We have some maybe tomorrow, and they're hard to find.

[Bob Kevoian]

We have a melting pot Christmas tree.

[I]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now, Christy, we have someone on the other on your side of this, apparently, I think on line seven. All right, Bob and Tom show.

[H]

Good morning, y'. All.

[Bob Kevoian]

Good morning, y'.

[Christy Lee]

All.

[Bob Kevoian]

Who's this? Do you have a. Do you have a. Why, you should get a fake tree story for us.

[H]

Yes, sir. This will be my 60th Christmas this year. And all of my life until the 80s, I. I demanded we have a real tree. I mean, we love the smell of it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yep.

[H]

You know, we had a farm close by where we got them every year.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Agree with you.

[H]

Until one night in, like, 1989, it was Christmas Eve. The wife and I were all settled in, getting ready for bed. We'd already assembled all the bicycles and everything.

[Tom Griswold]

Right.

[H]

And all of a sudden, I felt something brush my cheek. And I reached up and then I felt it again. And then the wife started doing the same thing. And I'm like, what is going on? And all of a sudden and finally realized there was a spider nest in the tree. And the fact that we brought it inside and into the warm temperatures, they decided it was time to hatch. And there were literally hundreds of little tiny spiders flying around the living room on.

[Tom Griswold]

I've heard that. I've heard of this. Yeah. Heard it as they bought a cactus when they went to Arizona.

[Bob Kevoian]

My wife would not return to our house until it was completely fumigated.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Bob Kevoian]

She's absolutely hate spiders. With a passion. Yeah. And those spiders that'll. That'll kill your pot crop. Yeah. Those spider mites.

[H]

We had probably spent two hours decorating the tree.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[H]

I picked everything off of it in like five minutes and had that thing out at the curb, man.

[Bob Kevoian]

No doubt.

[Tom Griswold]

That's another good topic.

[Bob Kevoian]

I throw away decorations at all.

[Tom Griswold]

You like real pot or synthetic pot?

[Bob Kevoian]

Now you got to go with the real stuff. Well, thank you, sir.

[Tom Griswold]

Thanks for the call.

[Christy Lee]

Thank you.

[Bob Kevoian]

Everyone will be checking their trees this year. I thought he was gonna say a bat. I thought he was gonna say a snake.

[Christy Lee]

I thought he was gonna say a squirrel.

[Bob Kevoian]

I would think you see a snake or a squirrel.

[Christy Lee]

Like Christmas vacation.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, well, I'm still getting the live tree. We're gonna.

[Christy Lee]

And I. That's great. And it works for most some people, but not for everybody. And I don't think you should chastise it me just because I'm different than you are.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm not chastising you.

[Tom Griswold]

We're trying to help you by saying you're wrong. That's all. We're trying to help.

[Bob Kevoian]

I like that you're different than us.

[Christy Lee]

Thank you, Bob.

[Bob Kevoian]

You have boobies. Does the tree. Never mind. You have a nice rack chick. But I prefer Christmas. Now, on a more serious note, today is election day.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

And this is the last day you'll be.

[Tom Griswold]

I think the government should take this over.

[Bob Kevoian]

What do you mean?

[Tom Griswold]

Election day. Real or synthetic tree? Oh, no, let them. The mandate.

[Bob Kevoian]

You'll be required to have a certain tree.

[Tom Griswold]

That's right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Certain color.

[Tom Griswold]

No, I think that's a great idea. They regulate too much now and they'll.

[Bob Kevoian]

Go up in price by 50 times.

[Tom Griswold]

And depending on your race and background, where you live in your certain area. That's why I think they should tackle that. Sure.

[Bob Kevoian]

On a different note, let's see what Doug Ladouche thinks about. I don't know if he weighs in on trees here, but we'll find out. We were reviewing Christie's tree. Christie's Christmas tree. You already know. It's not up yet, right?

[Christy Lee]

No, I just ordered it. I realized that I didn't have one, and then I thought, well, if I wait, you know, it's gonna. I'll forget and then buy one the last minute. And I.

[Bob Kevoian]

If I could, I would have a Christmas tree in every room.

[Christy Lee]

I know people.

[Bob Kevoian]

I love Christmas. That you, too.

[Christy Lee]

I know.

[Bob Kevoian]

I know people who do that, but I just. Now, yours is a fake tree, so. Yes, but I understand. I was looking. Christy was showing me the pictures of it, and it's so close to being real that it actually has one crappy side you have to kind of put in the corner. Oh, you gotta roll that. Turn it around. Yeah, it's just like a pumpkin. There's always that one bad side. That's a thing. Nicely. Nice. Nicely done. What else is happening in the world of news, Christy?

[Christy Lee]

Well, an Australian man who thought it would be a good idea to climb on top of a floating whale carcass regrets his decision. Now, Harrison Williams was filmed mounting the dead animal while sharks were feeding on it.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think you went there for safety.

[Christy Lee]

He told Australia seven Network. I was out on the boat with the boys. One of my mates thought it'd be pretty funny if I surfed the waves, so I just did it. His friends apparently didn't see that there was at least one great white in the water. Williams, who is from Perth, Western Australia, said his friends ended up rescuing him. Mom thinks I'm an idiot. Dad's not too proud either. Williams said, I'm pretty grateful to still be alive. He's also lucky not to be facing charges over his little incident.

[Bob Kevoian]

I saw a photograph of him sitting on top of the whale carcass. I thought it was the Coast Guard or something that had to come get him, but it was just his buddies, huh?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

So it's lucky. Yeah, but it's illegal, presumably.

[Christy Lee]

I believe it would be.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's illegal to surf a dead whale. Well, that you.

[Christy Lee]

I don't think you should be on a dead whale.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, I mean, is it legal or not? A piece of meat in the water, facing charges?

[Christy Lee]

I don't know what he was charged with.

[Bob Kevoian]

He wasn't having intercourse with the whale, for God's sake. I'm not sure what the charge would be. A sperm whale Bob and Tom show.

[H]

Well, good morning.

[Bob Kevoian]

Here's a guy who's had a whale or two.

[H]

I know about these dead whales floating about. I tell you what, I heard about this idiot who thinks he's Captain Ahab out there jumping on the dead whale with a Great White circle. Don't call him Ishmael. Call him Shark meal. I haven't. I haven't seen such a ghastly man on whale sightseeing. Some porn I saw of Kanye west on Kim Kardashian.

[Bob Kevoian]

You've been on top of a whale or two, haven't you, Captain Dave?

[H]

I've been the Tahitis one.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's a big. I'm looking at it. This is a big whale. This is like a 40 footer.

[H]

Now let me in all honesty, though, occasionally over here at the Chum Dumpster, we have an additional seating problem.

[Bob Kevoian]

What do you mean?

[H]

When we overbook. You know, like an airplane.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, I see.

[H]

So like a sidecar on a motorcycle. We usually drag a dead whale alongside. People want to ride on top. They can. Oh, of course, that's special seating prices. That's called the dead wheel.

[Bob Kevoian]

A dead wheel?

[H]

Dead whale convenience fee.

[Christy Lee]

Uhhuh.

[H]

The dead whale convenience fee.

[Bob Kevoian]

Does it look like wheel on the paper there?

[H]

I can't.

[Bob Kevoian]

I can barely read it. I'm surprised that he wrote it through the tears. I can't read it through the tears. Is that right?

[Tom Griswold]

These people want to ride on a dead whale.

[H]

That's okay. We don't care. Clappy, you know he likes to ride on a porpo every now and then.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, he does?

[H]

Well, because he believes it's his right to once he puts a quarter in the blow. Anyway, Captain Dave, I know.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know what? I know you are Great talking to you.

[Tom Griswold]

That sounded like resignation to me.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't know.

[Christopher]

We are coming right back on this Thursday morning, some Christmas songs, including one from Sean Mori, Chick's favorite here on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Tom Griswold]

Bob and Tom.

[Kevin Harlan]

Hi, I'm Josh Arnold from the Bob and Tom Show. As a confirmed bachelor, I know how tough the holiday season can be. While everyone you know is off celebrating with their significant others, you're at home, isolated and companionless. But hey, this year, spend a little time with me in my new compilation of Christmas classics. Classics for loners like you and me. It's single all the way, featuring single centric carols sung by yours truly. I'll be alone for Christmas. You can count on that Feeling, love and full of woe and crying in front of my cat. Oh, kitty, I know you love me. This yuletide collection captures all the emotion and experience of spending the most wonderful time of the year all by yourself. Have yourself a soldier, Solitary Christmas. It will be okay. Even though your family believes you're gay. Family? Nobody questions your singlehood quite like them. Grandma always asks when I'll get married and mom's forever bringing up my ex and grandpa always wants to know if I am man enough to pay a gal for sex. Friends aren't much help either. Are they throwing parties for couples only or simply forgetting to invite you come? No one told me pop. But hey, just because no one told you to come doesn't mean you can't do so on your own. Single guy, single guy, single guy rock here with my laptop and a tube sock Triple X hardcore I just can't resist. Hope I don't get a cramp in my wrist.

[H]

Rock it down.

[Kevin Harlan]

And once you're through having at yourself, what else is there to do on a cold winter's night but to go onto your favorite social media site and visit some ghosts of Christmas past as it were. Through their pictures you're scrolling all their posts, you are trolling more pathetic with every click. Stalking all your exes on Facebook and the happier they look, the emptier you feel. Silent night, lonely night, chairs in place, noose is time. No no no. Don't wallow in your own self pity. Instead do what old Joshy does. Spoil yourself with a little something. On the first day of Christmas I gave a gift to meet a body pillow that I dressed up like my ex girlfriend and some clothes she left here. On the second day of Christmas I gave more stuff to me. It's single all the way. Get out of that fetal position and order your copy now. And if you type in the special promo code, we'll throw in a fifth of cheap whiskey, a frozen meatloaf, dinner for one and a big old bottle of Jergens lotion. Remember, that's promo code.

[Christopher]

Code.

[Kevin Harlan]

But wait. Mention you heard this on the Bob and Tom show and you'll also receive a miniature figurine of me, Josh Arnold, dressed as one of Santa's little helpers. That's right, it's the all by myself on a shelf. Just set this unlovable little imp anywhere you like and the next morning, magically, he's exactly where you like left. You know you're the only one there and no one else is going to move them. Unless the cat might accidentally knock him over or something. Anyway, order single all the way. I wish me a merry Christmas I wish me a merry Christmas I wish me a merry Christmas Cuz there's no one else here except for you Mr. Kitty.

[Christopher]

This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back on this Christmas morning, this is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios Here's a segment with Christmas songs, including the classic from Sean Morris.

[Bob Kevoian]

We did have a request for some Christmas music and the song in question comes to us from Sean Mori.

[Tom Griswold]

Ashton Daniels, quarterback for Albert Deuce Knight was the quarter. Never mind.

[Bob Kevoian]

Go ahead. Dropped a drop the deuce. You see.

[Tom Griswold]

Here we go.

[Kevin Harlan]

Go.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is by request.

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, no.

[Pat Godwin]

Dear Santa, this is Billy from Dallas. I would like a Big Wheel with the air conditioning package, power steering, CD player and also a Sony PlayStation. Dear Santa, this is Raul from Venezuela. I want a stick to burn for heat. Dear Santa, this is Jessica from Aspen. I like a Barbie dream House with the electric sports car. Lots of outfits and matching outfits for me too, please. Dear Santa, this is Lupe from Paraguay.

[Kevin Harlan]

I want some rain.

[Pat Godwin]

So I can stop drinking my own urine. Dear Santa, this is Jimmy from Greenwich. I want an electric train set with.

[Kevin Harlan]

The whole village and the mountains and.

[Pat Godwin]

The tunnels and a robot to clean my room. There's Santa. This is Chang from Laos. I want an electric scooter, a surfboard, rollerblades and a CD ROM player. Just kidding. I want a st. And some off. Dear Santa, we are the children of the world. We want Sean Moore to be struck dead.

[Bob Kevoian]

Please.

[Kevin Harlan]

See what you do.

[Pat Godwin]

Even if it means I don't get that stick.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thank you very much. Thank you, Sean. Now, you said you'd like to hear it without the banjo.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes, for the practice. For the purposes of this conversation, yes. Are we. Ideally without the vocal, but is it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Possible to get it without the banjo? I think we are doing some.

[Tom Griswold]

Here it is right now.

[Pat Godwin]

Dear Santa, this is Billy from Dallas. I would like a Big Wheel with the air conditioning package, power steering, CD player and also a Sony PlayStation.

[Christy Lee]

Kind of loses.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, it loses its. Yeah. Really brings it, doesn't it?

[Pat Godwin]

I want a stick.

[Tom Griswold]

That's a stick to burn for heat. Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

A little piano there, maybe a guitar.

[Tom Griswold]

Really showcases his genius.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's a great song. Thank you, Sean. Well, we'll just move on. That was by requesting. You're in the Bob and Tom program. You can make your request. Bob and [e-mail]. yes, sir.

[Tom Griswold]

You were talking about. We're about. You and I are golden Retriever owners.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes, sir.

[Tom Griswold]

Love them. And I've had two. My second one's now 12 years old and I was out of town and went to Austin for Thanksgiving. I went to pick her up at the. At her. At the spa. They got their nails did. They were there for three or four days. And Monkey, the 12 year old Golden. I'm sorry, Mrs. Monkey. Her husband went to sea. He's a sea monkey, but we don't talk about him.

[Bob Kevoian]

I see.

[Tom Griswold]

Anyway, they bring him out is Joey and Joey Myossi and miss. And Joey's like, hey, dad and hugs. Monkey snubs me. Snubbed me.

[Christy Lee]

Uhhuh.

[Kevin Harlan]

Gave me the high hat.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Pissed off that you left.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, that's what my. My human brain would apply to what I was seeing. But what do you think? She snubs me. And later on we got home, she was fine, but she snubbed me right in front of everybody at the. At the spa.

[Bob Kevoian]

Teaching you a lesson, I guess. I've never been golden retriever news. Do you want to hear it?

[Tom Griswold]

I would love to hear it.

[Christy Lee]

Golden retriever owners may have more in common with their dogs than they realize.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

Scientists at the University of Cambridge. Cambridge have discovered that several key behaviors in goldens, including energy level, fear of strangers, aggression toward other dogs, and overall trainability, are driven by the same genes that influence human traits.

[Bob Kevoian]

Isn't that cool?

[Kevin Harlan]

No, I. I don't understand what.

[Christy Lee]

I don't understand what it means either. Thank you, Josh.

[Tom Griswold]

All I got was that my dog might act like me. That's all I got.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that's what I thought.

[Bob Kevoian]

There's some kind of.

[Christy Lee]

Do you have an aggression toward other dogs?

[Bob Kevoian]

Genetic similarity.

[Tom Griswold]

Other people.

[Bob Kevoian]

People.

[I]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

But I think I'm. I don't think I'm any different.

[Christy Lee]

Are you trainable?

[Tom Griswold]

People are honest. I. I'd like to say coachable. I'm coachable.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I keep. Believe it or not, I hold my temper in check every day I'm here. Believe it.

[Bob Kevoian]

I believe it.

[Tom Griswold]

Thank you. There's something happened this morning we should have been a lot angrier about, but I was.

[Bob Kevoian]

We share.

[Tom Griswold]

I let it go.

[Bob Kevoian]

But of course, I think we also share, like, 50 of the genes of bananas.

[Kevin Harlan]

So.

[Bob Kevoian]

So I think there's, you know, not a lot. Really not a lot to.

[Tom Griswold]

I will tell you this, that my. Once again, Mrs. Monkey, she's 12. Lately, like the last year or two, when she'll be laying, sleeping, and she'll go. Just out of nowhere. And when she gets up.

[Christy Lee]

Do you do that?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, a lot of groaning, a lot of grunting.

[Bob Kevoian]

To get more specific, the article says the study is the first to show that specific genes linked to canine behavior are also associated with traits such as anxiety, depression, and intelligence in humans.

[Tom Griswold]

Hmm.

[Pat Godwin]

So where does the golden retriever come in?

[Kevin Harlan]

Right. And so it's not their owners.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's any people yes, yes. Okay. That they share certain genetic.

[Kevin Harlan]

The headline should be scientists got grant for BSO study.

[Bob Kevoian]

It should be scientists got grants to have to play with golden retrievers because they're such good boys and good girls.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, I. Can I get that. Getting. Getting paid to play with dogs.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. But for whatever reason, he tries to flower up a pre. Sell.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, it would have been enough. We've got a story about golden retrievers and people who love them or something like that. Oh, you know, Chick and I have golden retrievers. They're amazing.

[Bob Kevoian]

So you think the story's a little far fetched?

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, I like that. I do like that.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that's. You see, it's a golden retriever tennis ball joke.

[Tom Griswold]

Very nice.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

But they. Mine won't bring it back. Neither one of them will now, as a matter of fact.

[Kevin Harlan]

Great dilemma, as you once called it.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I. I got the ball, but I'm not giving it back because I know you'll just throw it again.

[Kevin Harlan]

I want you to throw it, but I don't want to give it to you.

[Tom Griswold]

Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but that's a smart choice. Dog.

[Kevin Harlan]

The dog's dilemma.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wait a second. I can stay here and rest. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, let's.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think it's a sweet story.

[Christy Lee]

All right.

[Bob Kevoian]

We share qualities with dogs. Maybe that's why we like them. Well, and there's certain qualities I'm glad I don't have. I used one of my golden retrievers, not the current one was a poop eater.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes. My former golden retriever. I had to get the anti coprophagic powder in the whole thing.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Did that work?

[Kevin Harlan]

She loved it. Oh, man.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did she think that the coprophagic powder gave it a little bit of a, like, all spice.

[Tom Griswold]

And. And her. Her doctor at the time told me, well, what you need to do is carry around a can with nuts and bolts in it. And I said, what? And I said, yeah, so when you're out in the backyard with her and you see her starting to eat poo, you shake the can behind her and that'll scare. See? And she won't. I said, oh, okay, I won't be doing that. Yeah, I got to collect nuts and bolts and then get a can and then.

[Bob Kevoian]

See, this story is useful, Chick.

[Tom Griswold]

It is.

[Bob Kevoian]

If. Let's just say.

[Tom Griswold]

How so?

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, because you can explain to some young lady that you have some of the traits of your golden retriever as you're humping her leg at the mall.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm loyal at the mall. So now I've said this many times. I'm sure someone's kept track of it. All of his stories more or less always lead back to the punchline is sexual assault.

[Kevin Harlan]

You know what, ma', am, it's best to just let him finish.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, right. Why, why do you think I'm out there? You can't have it both ways. I can't be debilitatingly alone. And also humping strange women's legs at the mall.

[Bob Kevoian]

We're just trying to cure your loneliness.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay. Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, thank you very much. Yes, I certainly appreciate that.

[Christopher]

Coming up next hour, more Pat Godwin Christmas songs are on the way on this Christmas morning. So come on back.

[Bob Kevoian]

Welcome back.

[Christopher]

This is the Bob and Tom show. We're back. Merry Christmas. This is the best of the Bob and Tom show on this Thursday morning. Think O'Reilly Auto Parts for all your car care needs. Get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. We're doing all Christmas. For the best of today, here's a segment about Christmas trees and decorating with the kids.

[Bob Kevoian]

You got your tree up yet, Josh?

[Kevin Harlan]

No, not yet. Not yet. I took down all the Thanksgiving stuff and today will be the day that I break out the Christmas decorations and everything.

[Christy Lee]

Do you flip the pillows over? Is there a Christmas pillow?

[Kevin Harlan]

No, but I have a Christmas pillow that sits in the closet until now. Okay, that's actually out. I did put that out because I was in that closet putting away an air mattress and went, oh, I'll grab the Christmas nice.

[Bob Kevoian]

Air mattress or air mattress? Air filled doll.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, God.

[Kevin Harlan]

Well, with a little imagination, it becomes an air filled woman. She's large, but Bertha's very gentle.

[Bob Kevoian]

I see. Now, when you set your trip, do you play Christmas music?

[Kevin Harlan]

I will have a Hallmark Christmas movie on.

[Christy Lee]

I watched one. It wasn't officially a Hallmark. Is it a Hallmark movie if it's not on Hallmark?

[Kevin Harlan]

No, but I think it on Lifetime.

[Bob Kevoian]

It defines, it defines Netflix. I think a Hallmark movie now is or something is a genre.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, it was that.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah. I mean it's, it's exactly. Yeah.

[Jeff Shaw]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

We'll be hearing some of the, a great Bob and Tom Christmas stuff coming up.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, I had a quick question for decorating the tree. Do you decorate it with the kids? Yeah. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

They participate. Not a lot.

[Kevin Harlan]

We did. I, I wondered if any other parents do this. So we let the kids decorate the church. We just sit and watch. We put the fake fire on the TV and we put on some Christmas music and, and then the kids get Done decorating the tree. And then they leave. And then we spend the next hour while I sit there and watch my girlfriend redecorate the tree and put them the way they should be. Oh. Does anyone else do that?

[Pat Godwin]

Yes, absolutely.

[Christy Lee]

But your kids are older, though.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah. Somehow they miss 2 square feet of tree. Like, why doesn't you just do it with them at the same time? Oh, no. It gives them a feeling of independent. I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

Don't they come out and go, hey, I didn't.

[Pat Godwin]

Autonomy.

[Bob Kevoian]

You always get a second opinion on the lights. You get. You got. You stand back and you squint, see if there are any spots where they're not.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, sure. We got the tree that already has the lights.

[Christy Lee]

That's perfect. And you don't rap that more.

[Kevin Harlan]

No, no. And it has the color changing, so we can make it whatever color you want, depending on the moon. You can go all white. You can go multi color.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's my understanding. I don't want to get anybody upset. It's my understanding that. What? That Santa Claus. You tend to get better gifts with a real tree.

[Kevin Harlan]

That's a total lie. Don't believe any of that. Kids.

[Christy Lee]

Is your Christmas tree more decorative or more children decorated? Do you know what I'm trying to say?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

We were in charge of the tree.

[Kevin Harlan]

The adults.

[Christy Lee]

It's Crate and Barrel Christmas trees. That's what I was trying to say nicely.

[Bob Kevoian]

We have standards.

[Christy Lee]

It's for the kids. The kids have their own trees in their bedrooms, though, right?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

So they could decorate those.

[Bob Kevoian]

Those are. Those are fake, though.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, okay. My tree, even to this day, is still all kids, though. I mean, it's fun. We still. They'll put stuff they made when they were in first.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that's all on there, of course.

[Christy Lee]

On your tree.

[Kevin Harlan]

But it's placed where they want it to be placed, right?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

There's a theme as you measure the distance between ornaments.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, Amy does.

[Kevin Harlan]

If you make Amy.

[Pat Godwin]

You make Amy decorate your tree this time of year.

[Bob Kevoian]

We did it. Kelly did it. We were there. I was present.

[Christy Lee]

We have our first artificial tree this year, and I have to say, I'm really sad we waited this long.

[Pat Godwin]

Amazing.

[Tom Griswold]

They are.

[Christy Lee]

We don't. It's not dead already usually. I mean, we don't have to water it. I have one that's got a pedestal. You push the button and it flips up.

[Bob Kevoian]

And then you're missing the best part. Putting in the roof of your car. And then getting yelled. Getting yelled at because you're not going fast enough. And I'm pointing out. Look, I don't want to hit the brakes and have this tree come flying into the garden.

[Christy Lee]

I don't have tree. What? Pine needles all over my house.

[Kevin Harlan]

Well, I could buy a real tree. Or I could, for the same price, buy six artificial trees.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Not anymore. Some of those artificial trees are a couple thousand bucks.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, well, maybe where you shop.

[Pat Godwin]

Where are you shopping at?

[Kevin Harlan]

Not all of us go to Restoration Hardware for our fake trees pottery bar.

[Bob Kevoian]

We got a nice lunch wire there.

[Kevin Harlan]

You apparently have not checking out the Christmas tree aisle at the Dollar General. You are. Imagine eating at Restoration Hardware.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's like. It's like a great restaurant.

[Kevin Harlan]

22 bucks for one cucumber sandwich or whatever.

[Bob Kevoian]

The.

[Kevin Harlan]

That sounds like a nightmare.

[Bob Kevoian]

But it's the quality of the people there.

[Tom Griswold]

Josh.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, now, you mentioned the Dollar Store. This is one of my favorite songs.

[Kevin Harlan]

I hate this one. This is the one that that band shat out on the way here.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Yes. I encourage. I encourage opposing points of view.

[Christy Lee]

I love Christmas spirit.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I generally encourage it, but. Well, let's just give this a listen and you can decide.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's only a minute and nine seconds according to.

[Kevin Harlan]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you remember the name of the band?

[Christy Lee]

The Fuglies.

[Bob Kevoian]

The Fuglies.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's a great name for the. But here we go. Next year it's gonna be good to go Next year I'm gonna get my.

[Christy Lee]

Ducks all in a row this year.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm a little late there's nothing left here on my plate and I can.

[Pat Godwin]

See it coming It's a dollar store.

[Bob Kevoian]

Christmas Here it comes again Another dollar store Christmas Here it comes again Like a long lost friend with a baseball bat behind his back and a fanny pack full of bitter bills and other people's best wishes It's a dollar store Christmas oh, yeah, yeah Dollar store Christmas it's never 99 Dollar Store Christmas oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A brand new just wrote yesterday yeah, yeah. Effort.

[Tom Griswold]

It's crazy.

[Kevin Harlan]

Some. Some weird metaphor of pills in a fanny pack or whatever.

[Pat Godwin]

Pills.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm just.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'll try a little harder, but you can go see. See the Fuglies nowhere. Because they just banned it 20 years ago, probably.

[Bob Kevoian]

I like the song very much.

[Pat Godwin]

He wrote that yesterday.

[Kevin Harlan]

Honestly, it sounds like so many songs I love from the 90s. Yeah. Like it's definitely.

[Pat Godwin]

It has promise that they've got a bouncy melody.

[Bob Kevoian]

Maybe they've polished it up. We'll have to call the Fuglies and See, see what's, see what's going on. I'm sure you've, we've all been in that situation where at the last minute you've got to grab some gifts and. Yeah, yeah.

[Christy Lee]

What's your color scheme on your tree?

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't know. I'll show you a picture of it. It's green, largely.

[Christy Lee]

Okay. No, I'm just curious to see it.

[Kevin Harlan]

But I like my artificial tree because I can also choose between the smaller lights and the big fat old style lights.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

That's nice.

[Kevin Harlan]

Or I can have both lit at.

[Christy Lee]

The same time and it's pre lit.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, yeah, it's a good one. It's a good one.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, I like that.

[Bob Kevoian]

I took a picture of it. There's a couple. I'm gonna have to get another some more light lights.

[Christy Lee]

I But can you tell a color scheme there?

[Jeff Shaw]

Beige.

[Christy Lee]

It's beige. I guarantee it's beige.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I, I had that happen. Maybe it's just the angle.

[Kevin Harlan]

I, that is, the Fuglies did that don't go bad.

[Christy Lee]

It's a beautiful treat.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now, got this letter here. Dear Bob and Tom show. Sorry to bother you at work. I was wondering if Jeff Oscar noticed if strangers are treating him differently now that he doesn't look like a raving Lun.

[Kevin Harlan]

That's a great question. Yeah, they're talking to me. I don't like it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Once again, Once again, on last week we did the glow up. You call it a so called glow up. Got your bushy hairdo taken down and your beard.

[Kevin Harlan]

There have to be some negatives though. Now when you walk by a restaurant, there aren't people walking out giving you their doggy bags. Yeah, I'm getting a lot less of that. I'm getting a lot more. Hey, mister, can I have a dollar? I never got that with my old look.

[Christy Lee]

How does your girlfriend like it?

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, yeah, she likes the hair. She doesn't like the look of my face, so she looks covered up.

[Christy Lee]

I don't know if you can fix that.

[Pat Godwin]

Didn't you go to an open mic one time looking like that and you're asked to stand outside?

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, the. Well, when I, I worked the jukebox the first time I was there, Dan came over and goes, hey, I, I, we, we like to help people, but I can't have you hanging out in my life lobby. And I go, what do you mean? He goes, it's just a bad look for the club. And I go, well, I'm on in like an hour. He goes, oh, you're One of the comics, I thought a homeless person wandered.

[Tom Griswold]

In, but that's the.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's the. Your girlfriend. That's the look she likes.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah. Vagrant. Yeah.

[Christopher]

Rebel.

[Kevin Harlan]

A vagabond, apparently.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean, you're not. You're not like freakish looking. You're a handsome guy. You look kind of like a Dennis Miller. You got a full head of hair.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, no, I've. It's a lot of great compliments. People have been super nice online, which is so rare.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, very.

[Kevin Harlan]

I can't believe how well it's gone.

[Christy Lee]

So are you going to let it grow out again or just keep it a little shorter or longer, but not as long?

[Kevin Harlan]

Starting all over again.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

What?

[Kevin Harlan]

Every six months you get like a Chia Pet.

[Christy Lee]

He said it was a year. It was a year since your last one.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, I think it was. May or.

[Bob Kevoian]

We have the before and after post.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah. The best comment, which I think got hundreds of likes on under the picture. Before and after. After said it looks like the lawyer and I'm also the defendant.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, I like that.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. That really did nail it.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Very poetic. Christie Lee is over there at the Silac Insurance news desk. What's happening?

[Christy Lee]

U.S. customs agents seized over $775,000 in counterfeit children's toys. Officers at the area Port of Norfolk, Newport News, Virginia, obtained a shipment in September and found it to contain over 12,000 plush toys. 1600 backpack backpacks, 1600 music boxes, 1400 snow globes, and several other counterfeit items. The toys and other items bore protect trademarks, including Despicable Me, Game of Thrones, labubu, Mickey Mouse, and others. I bet they came from. Want to guess?

[Kevin Harlan]

China for sure.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but I. So do they. They have to destroy them, right?

[Christy Lee]

I don't know what they do with them.

[Kevin Harlan]

Wait, so that new Easy Bake meth oven is not real? That's a killer fan. The one with the minions on it. Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

I want.

[Bob Kevoian]

I should have. I wonder what new toys have made the next Toy Story movie.

[Kevin Harlan]

Well, this. This one is all about the iPad.

[Bob Kevoian]

Right. The iPad versus the classic toys. But I mean, I wondered that. What's the. What's the new one? The Labo Boo. Yeah, I wonder if that made the cut because.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, I feel that's maybe a trend type thing.

[Jeff Shaw]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

Too trendy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Yeah. I just love those movies. And we talked to Tim Allen a couple weeks ago and he was working on the voice work with. He's. He, of course, does Buzz Lightyear and Tom Hanks does Woody. They're they're working on the new one, Toy Story 5, so I can't wait to see it. I love all those movies.

[Christy Lee]

We have time for this real quick. Over $100,000 worth of escargot stolen from a French snail farmer. Thieves broke into buildings on the farm owned by Le Escargot de Grand Cru. They stole roughly 990 pounds of snails, both frozen and fresh. Le Escargot de Grand Cru said it will try to replenish in time for Christmas and New Year's Eve. 60% of the business's annual revenue is made just during the holiday season. Oh, that's a popular dick. Escargot.

[Kevin Harlan]

They're probably more popular. Popular.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Have you ever had it?

[Kevin Harlan]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

It's delicious.

[Pat Godwin]

I like.

[Christy Lee]

Great.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, I did not care for it.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, okay.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

The police, they leave a trail.

[Kevin Harlan]

Absolutely.

[Bob Kevoian]

I can't.

[Christy Lee]

Escargot is just like a lot of butter, garlic. Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

I tried adding salt, but it just.

[Bob Kevoian]

Shrunk up on me. Made you feel sluggish.

[Christy Lee]

I'll have to try it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. I couldn't. I've never had it. I will not eat it.

[Christy Lee]

You don't eat Escape.

[Pat Godwin]

It's so delicious. Really, man, it's great.

[Christy Lee]

What's the flavor? I mean, butter and garlic. Okay. Yeah, I'm a big fan of those.

[Kevin Harlan]

The snail itself was.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's like a chewy booger.

[Kevin Harlan]

I don't know. Yeah, something. And I like earthy flavors, but this didn't hit. I chipped one of my back teeth on the shell, and it really messed up. Yeah, that'll happen.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you dig them out of the shell? How does it work?

[Kevin Harlan]

Sometimes you need to shell.

[Christy Lee]

They come in like a. There's a special snail escargot dish. They're already pulled out of this. So is it like, Like, Like. Like oysters all like Rockefeller? Yeah. You know how they do that?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is this one of those con jobs like caviar?

[Christy Lee]

No, caviar is delicious. You don't like caviar?

[Pat Godwin]

That is delicious.

[Christy Lee]

All right.

[Kevin Harlan]

I've never tried it. That's. That. I do want to try.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's like eating. It's like eating salt that pops in your mouth.

[Kevin Harlan]

You think you'd love that.

[Christy Lee]

It is. Is fish eggs, Right?

[Pat Godwin]

It's like eating fish eggs.

[Christopher]

Coming up next on this Christmas morning, a song from Pat Godwin is on the way. So come on back. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show on this Thursday Christmas morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. Visit Steven Singer jewelry [e-mail] and find out why he's the most trusted jeweler in America and the most hated jeweler in America by other jewelers. That's I Hate stevensinger.com. more Christmas stuff on this Thursday morning, including a song from Pat Godwin.

[Bob Kevoian]

I've got another monkey update coming your way in a few minutes. But we were talking about this thing. The. The Mormon Church has changed the rules about what kind of un underwear the folks can wear there.

[Tom Griswold]

Huh.

[Bob Kevoian]

And I've been reading a little bit about it. It says the special underwear typically has to be worn day and night, except, as Christie said, when you're swimming or doing sporting activities. But. But I guess they've. They've loosened up the regulations and now.

[Christy Lee]

They'Ve made a sleeveless version. And they've made the fabric a lot lighter.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sleeveless. Wow. Hoardam weights. No sleeves. You know what they say, no sleeves. No hyman.

[Christy Lee]

Oh my God.

[Bob Kevoian]

You have a song about this, Pat.

[Pat Godwin]

I too have special underwear. Yeah. You know what I do?

[Christy Lee]

What?

[Pat Godwin]

I put dryer sheets in my underwear and walk around without a care. I can let one rip and not foul the air. I have dryer sheets in my underwear. If I cropped a snake the hall at my work no one thinks I'm a jerk they smell lavender like I just washed clothes and a pleasant scent wafts up their nose. I put dryer sheets in my underwear and I don't smell like a grizzly bear it softens my little derriere I have dryer sheets in my underwear everywhere. It puts a bounce in my step Makes me a more confident lover. Give it your all put all to the test. When you get downy and dirty under the covers oh and I want relief I take a dryer sheet Cause wet ones are messy and powders for feet Oh I don't need beano if I I have gas cause I got something for that ass. I put dryer sheets in my BVD's and you'll never know I just cut the cheese Cuz I have dryer sheets in my underwear. No smelling like Limburger no more stairs. I have dryer balls too and straight pubic hair I have dryer sheets in my underwear. I have dryer sheets in my underwear.

[Bob Kevoian]

Ah, very nice. Thank you very much.

[Tom Griswold]

Beautiful.

[Bob Kevoian]

A good solution for that problem. Now, we were talking about the loose monkeys. Yeah. Some lady shot one in Mississippi over the weekend. So we're down to two loose monkeys that authorities Say are not diseased, but I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

Of course, a lot of misinformation in this story.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now, a monkey on the loose in South Carolina was captured using coffee.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

So I just gotta have a cup of coffee. This was not a scientific research. No rhesus monkey. It was a pet spider monkey.

[Kevin Harlan]

Don't tranquilize me before I've had my coffee.

[Bob Kevoian]

Named Ava. They cornered her at the First national bank of South Carolina. And trying to steal money or maybe.

[Tom Griswold]

Trying to make a deposit.

[Bob Kevoian]

Town clerk, Ms. Casey Hill heard about the monkeys escaped and that had escaped. And she went out there with a cup of coffee, set it down there. And Ava, the monkey came up and started.

[Christy Lee]

She was thirsty. She probably thought it was warm.

[Bob Kevoian]

And the monkey had a leash on. So Ms. Hill walked up, stepped on the leash and was able to capture the monkey. Wow. Now, I don't know much about this. If it were me, I would make sure. I think you're probably better off giving a monkey the date calf.

[Christy Lee]

Probably.

[Bob Kevoian]

You gotta. You don't want a heavily caffeinated monkey.

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow. So anyways, now, if you wanted. If you wanted what?

[Christy Lee]

I was gonna say, Sheriff.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

Not really her fault. She was interrupted, but be careful.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, I didn't sound like sheriff. Go ahead.

[Christy Lee]

No, he was.

[Bob Kevoian]

I was just gonna say if you want to. Because. To lure. I didn't know you could lure a monkey with. With coffee. You can lure a hipster with espresso.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yes. If there are loose hipster pets out there, you could lure a fish.

[Bob Kevoian]

Am I right? Now, Christy, what have you got over there?

[Christy Lee]

Sheriff's deputies in Ohio were led on an unusual chase. They were in hot pursuit of a runaway emu. The Guernsey County Sheriff's office said the escaped emu was found wandering on a local road. Don't know if he had a leash. Deputy Leggett and Deputy Dam it responded to the scene and tried to chase down the wayward bird.

[Tom Griswold]

It is Deputy. Damn it.

[Christy Lee]

Dam it. D A Y M U T. Dam it. Dam it.

[Bob Kevoian]

That poor guy. His whole life. I'm Damon. Damon.

[Tom Griswold]

I know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Damn it. Damn it.

[Kevin Harlan]

Following his brother Godfrey has a really bad.

[Bob Kevoian]

Godfrey.

[Christy Lee]

Following a 45 minute pursuit, the emu's owner arrived to retrieve the animal.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, I have a question. Why do people have emus? I mean, obviously there's that one long running commercial for Liberty Mutual.

[Christopher]

Emu.

[Tom Griswold]

Emu.

[Christy Lee]

There are a lot of people that have ostriches or emus.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean, can you eat them?

[Kevin Harlan]

Ostrich, yes. Is emo. Emu. Emo. Meat.

[Christy Lee]

Well, that'd be.

[Kevin Harlan]

There you go. You just gotta go to a Cure concert and.

[Bob Kevoian]

You remember we had. We had ostrich meat in the air one morning.

[Kevin Harlan]

It's pretty good. But I've not had emu, I imagine.

[Christy Lee]

I don't know, maybe you could have it as a pet.

[Bob Kevoian]

So were the cops actually physically running after the emu?

[Christy Lee]

I. I don't.

[Kevin Harlan]

I hope so.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, there we go. Here's a shot of it. Boy, that is a weird looking critter.

[Tom Griswold]

Boy, isn't it?

[Bob Kevoian]

Looks like a llama had sex with a pigeon.

[Tom Griswold]

If you told me that they found life on Mars and it looked like an emu, I go, oh, yeah, that's. That's. That seems about right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is. There's a Dr. Susan look about it a little bit.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, a little bit.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, I think they're cute.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And they're very ostrich looking, so they're. Are they a flightless bird presumably?

[Christy Lee]

Presumably.

[Tom Griswold]

I believe they're related to the cassowary.

[Kevin Harlan]

That's absolutely right. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

The what?

[Tom Griswold]

Cassowary. It's another bird.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, it'll mess you up.

[Pat Godwin]

It's in an old gum tree, doesn't it?

[Tom Griswold]

Cassowary has talons like razors.

[Christy Lee]

Those are creepy birds.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow.

[Christy Lee]

Like dinosaur birds.

[Tom Griswold]

Nowhere near as creepy as the shoe Bill stork, though.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, that's really.

[Tom Griswold]

I remember that muppety and odd unending gaze. A thousand mile stairs just. Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

Or yard.

[Tom Griswold]

Yard stand. Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

Josh, you were talking about the cure earlier. I don't know. Did I ever tell you I have my grass at. My house is actually. Actually emo? Oh, it is. Yeah, it's great. It cuts itself. Oh, jeez, Jeff. Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Holy moly.

[Kevin Harlan]

I thought I'd give it a shot. Now we have to give a phone.

[Tom Griswold]

If you or someone, you know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wants a better lawn, my neighbor has something cool I'd never seen before.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, boy. This ought to be.

[Tom Griswold]

They have a private security fence. Keep you out?

[Bob Kevoian]

No. Well, that's the course. Yeah. They have a lawn service that is super quiet. It's got a big thing. It's all electric lawn.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, I'd love to get hooked up with him.

[Bob Kevoian]

So they. They come out and they. All of their vehicles and everything are electric. So they don't. They're not as noisy as.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, gotcha.

[Bob Kevoian]

I didn't know that was a thing.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'm pretty much that way at home.

[Christy Lee]

That way.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

I've gone all electric on them. But it's. Yeah. That's great that there are services out There. That provide too kind of a little quieter.

[Bob Kevoian]

I noticed that while I was using my leaf blower at 8 o' clock on Sunday morning.

[Kevin Harlan]

That's my battery powered leaf blower. Still loud as they.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, so is mine.

[Bob Kevoian]

There's an invention they got to come.

[Christy Lee]

Up with a quiet leaf blower.

[Bob Kevoian]

And we. You determined. You guys told me I shouldn't. I shouldn't use my leaf blower prior to 10 o' clock in the morning on a Sunday.

[Kevin Harlan]

Absolutely.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

10 o'. Clock.

[Tom Griswold]

When? When were you using it?

[Bob Kevoian]

I was cleaning out my garage.

[Tom Griswold]

Be honest.

[Bob Kevoian]

Time might have been. I get up early.

[Kevin Harlan]

It was pre 8, I think.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Kevin Harlan]

Boy.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, I'd be so mad.

[Tom Griswold]

Can you imagine the one day I.

[Christy Lee]

Get to sleep in the one day.

[Bob Kevoian]

So if you're looking to make a million dollars, come up with a super quiet leaf blower. That could be the next. Oh, wait a minute. There is one. It's called a rake.

[Tom Griswold]

Mine's battery powered and it's louder than anything.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, yeah. It's hard to keep those things from.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wait a minute.

[Tom Griswold]

What is this?

[Bob Kevoian]

There we go.

[Pat Godwin]

It was a mistake.

[Christy Lee]

What's this?

[Tom Griswold]

Remember this of Texas?

[Bob Kevoian]

The stars at night are big and bright.

[Pat Godwin]

Stand up, boy.

[Tom Griswold]

They're playing the national anthem.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you know who this is?

[H]

Chrissy Wide and high.

[Bob Kevoian]

Jean Ary in the heart of Texas. I'm very proud of you, Gene Autrey.

[Tom Griswold]

That he has the Gan.

[Christy Lee]

Audrey's greatest hits over there. What do you got?

[Bob Kevoian]

I love G Audrey.

[Tom Griswold]

The least objectionable singing voice I've ever heard.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, that is trippy.

[Tom Griswold]

Mistaken for no one singing.

[Bob Kevoian]

What do you mean?

[Tom Griswold]

It's not. There's nothing there. It's. It's barely. It's too loud. Hell.

[Kevin Harlan]

Remember Peewee's Big Adventure? He's on the phone in a phone booth. He goes, I'm in Texas. And they're like, yeah, right. He goes, here, I'll prove it. The phone. Because the stars at night are big. Everybody stops.

[Tom Griswold]

Texas. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is a long instrumental section.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't know why I like that clown clarinet solo. That's nice.

[Bob Kevoian]

It is nice. It's a great song.

[H]

The chicken hogs are full of squawks.

[Tom Griswold]

Chicks and hawks are full of squats. I think it's chicks and hawks. Isn't it? Chicken hawks.

[Kevin Harlan]

Chicken hawks.

[Bob Kevoian]

Some good lyrics.

[Christy Lee]

Chicken hawk.

[Bob Kevoian]

What's your point about his voice?

[Pat Godwin]

I think it's great.

[Tom Griswold]

It's. It's barely singing. Not as bad as Jack Johnson, but close.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, I love Jack Johnson.

[Kevin Harlan]

Pancake Pat, don't you do a Jack Johnson?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, I did do something like that. I could get to that in a second.

[Tom Griswold]

What? Bubble toes. I like that. And the other one, there's two from the first album. I give him a pass on one big hit.

[Kevin Harlan]

I forget what that was. We all fell for it.

[Tom Griswold]

Yep. For but banana pancakes.

[Christy Lee]

No, you don't like banana pancakes.

[Tom Griswold]

Raise your voice at least once. What is this? So a walk down Gene Entre's greatest hits.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm back in the saddle again.

[Bob Kevoian]

Great song.

[Tom Griswold]

Always dislikes steel guitar.

[Christy Lee]

See, this is where I see Tom.

[Kevin Harlan]

And his little.

[Christy Lee]

Cowboy outfit is like a seven year old running around the house. Mom and dad are playing Gene Autry on the Victrola.

[Kevin Harlan]

He's got his cap guns out, just firing away.

[Bob Kevoian]

Y I used to do a thing.

[Tom Griswold]

You play G Audrey at home all by yourself?

[Bob Kevoian]

No, but I used to do a thing when I was. When I was working down in the land. I would play Back in the Saddle Again by Gene Audrey and then play Aerosmith. I'm back.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, great stuff.

[Christy Lee]

Ah.

[Kevin Harlan]

When Tom was a child, he and his brothers would play cowboys and any non whites.

[Tom Griswold]

That's right. Remember that?

[Kevin Harlan]

It wasn't just Indians. Yeah, this is the big hit.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. There's Jack John Flake.

[Kevin Harlan]

A nice song.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, but he still really doesn't sing in this one. But it didn't sound like anything else.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

But you can sing with them.

[Kevin Harlan]

That's. It's like if Duncan Sheik got too high.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait a minute. Pat has a song I believe.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

Is that the beat right there?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Jack Johnson.

[Pat Godwin]

Every Jack Johnson song sounds like the last Jack Johnson song. Everybody sing along.

[Tom Griswold]

That's right.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, to a Jack Johnson song.

[Bob Kevoian]

Song.

[Pat Godwin]

It's the same three chords in the shuffle beat. Oh, right. Rehearse, record, repeat. Come on. And it's not too deep. Or mellow out and go to sleep. Go to sleep. Cause it's a Jack Johnson song and it sounds like the last Chat Johnson song. Smoke that Maui Wowie in a coconut bong. You gotta be high. You gotta be high. When you hear a Jack Johnson song. Studio fade now.

[Kevin Harlan]

Never write jealous.

[Bob Kevoian]

Very nice.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, that's good. I love that. Have you been. Have you seen him live?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, I kind of figured you.

[Christy Lee]

I've seen him live too.

[Kevin Harlan]

Got dragged up, got drank.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, he's good.

[Tom Griswold]

Have you ever gotten in the car for a concert and looked over to whoever you're going with and go, what are we going to see again? You ever done that.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeff Shaw]

Christie has.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, he has.

[Pat Godwin]

Don't you have a lot of.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'm sorry.

[Pat Godwin]

Don't you have a lot of Zach Brian going on. Going on at the house now?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah. Primarily in the car. One of my daughters likes them. Oh, exclusively the. The sad ones. I said, does this guy have anything upbeat? What are you going to say? Been schooled and found out the issue.

[Tom Griswold]

What are you going to do if one. If you're dope daughters brings home a really fat guy?

[Kevin Harlan]

Right, right. A big. A big red beard. Big fat and just a. Yeah. And he's quite. He's. He's over three step farther.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hey, I got. I'm gonna say, hey, look, buddy, I got all this candy from Halloween.

[Tom Griswold]

I knew it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Obviously, I had this leftover game. Help yourself. I'm a generous soul.

[Tom Griswold]

Obviously. Henry's not missing any meals. I can see that. Good to meet you, Mr. Griswold.

[Bob Kevoian]

What's inside? What's inside my shoes?

[Tom Griswold]

You know, Finn and I love each other very much.

[Christopher]

Another song from Pat Godwin is coming up in the next segment. Christmas Song. So come on back for that here on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Bob Kevoian]

Bob and Tom.

[Christopher]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show and Merry Christmas from all of us here at the show. This segment has a brand new Patty G. Christmas song. Let's get to it.

[Bob Kevoian]

We've been talking about Christmas music. I'm a big fan. And we've been, for some reason, arguing about Christmas music.

[Kevin Harlan]

No, we haven't.

[Bob Kevoian]

And I mean, we all have different tastes. I, for one, Enjoy the Paul McCartney song Wonderful Christmas Time.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, okay.

[Christy Lee]

I like that.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's. For some reason, that's one of those ones that, you know, that's not. You guys don't like it.

[Kevin Harlan]

A lot of people don't.

[Bob Kevoian]

I like like that very much.

[Christy Lee]

Did you see the Elton John Instagram?

[Tom Griswold]

I can't imagine.

[Christy Lee]

He's walking around in his kitchen and every time he opens a cabinet, it's a step into Christmas. No, that's funny. It was really.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Everybody hates Step Into Christmas, Even Elton John. Count me. Count me among that number.

[Pat Godwin]

Horrible.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that's one of those turds someone's. Hey, Elton, we need a Christmas song. I'm too busy.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, it's. It's a really cute video. I'll have to find it.

[Tom Griswold]

We can watch the snowfall forever and ever.

[Christy Lee]

Ah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Christy and I have been arguing. I say there are some great new contemporary Christmas songs.

[Christy Lee]

Wasn't the argument.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, either way, I win. The point is there's so many, it's.

[Christy Lee]

Hard to keep track.

[Bob Kevoian]

But, Pat, we've challenged you.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

To come up with a. A new Christmas song that'll be an instant classic. I don't know what the topic is, but you. Christmas. Okay. That's all we need. There's no. There's no particular.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't know what the topic is.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean, it's Christmas, but is it. Is it snow? Is it Grandma? Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

What's all of that?

[Pat Godwin]

It's Christmas.

[I]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

But Christy has said there are no new Christmas songs. And Tom comes to me yesterday. I have an idea and I liked it.

[Christy Lee]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

It goes.

[Pat Godwin]

Run with that. So here we are. I've been working on it all day, all morning, a little distracted. So here we go. Was the night before Christmas. There was a stirring in the house. It could be Santa or a burglar. So I went. Went to check it out. And there under the chimney was a slightly familiar face but his cheeks were sunken his red suit didn't fit. Someone's lost a lot of weight. Is Santa on Ozempic? Say it isn't so he doesn't look or sound right when he says ho ho, ho. He avoids the milk and cook geese his belly's not big and round he's not fat and jolly anymore no, but his cholesterol's down all right he must have been diabetic and prescribed a GLP1. He's quiet about the details but man, he's lost a ton no one likes a skinny Santa we won a fat snake Saint Nick so let's write Santa Claus a letter get off the Ozempic or could it be Manjaro? Say it isn't so he doesn't look or sound right when he says ho ho ho. He's gaunt and sucking cheeked and looks a little listless no one wants a thin and cranky Santa Claus get fat and jolly again for Christmas. It off the OIC for us this Christmas. Ho ho ho.

[Christy Lee]

That's contemporary, all right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Easier to get down the chimney. Oh, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Instant classic.

[Kevin Harlan]

Might.

[Bob Kevoian]

Might fall. Might. Might fall right through to the furnace. No, we.

[Christy Lee]

What kind of fireplace do you have?

[Bob Kevoian]

Old school. We were talking furnaces earlier because of the. Well, remember the movie A Christmas Story? There's that.

[Kevin Harlan]

That whole.

[Bob Kevoian]

That running gag with the furnace making all the scary noises and he has to keep running down there and all the cursing. It's so funny. Then the. What was I mentioned? Oh, yeah. And Home alone.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

There's that scary scene where he goes down the. Kevin goes down the basement. And there's the scary.

[Kevin Harlan]

Finally tells it to shut up, doesn't he?

[Christy Lee]

I think all furnaces have some kind of their own noise, their own sound.

[Kevin Harlan]

And as a kid, you don't know what's going on Right.

[Christy Lee]

In your house. You have that. You know, I live in a new house. This is my first winter. And it's. There are new sounds. It's kind of.

[Bob Kevoian]

But they're different. I grew up in a house that was. Had. It was fairly old. And I. And I remember I got back from school at one point and they'd replaced the furnace.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And the place that the furnace had been where it was, the new furnace took up about a quarter of the space.

[I]

Space.

[Bob Kevoian]

They're a lot more compact. I think they're a lot quieter than they used to be.

[Christy Lee]

Well, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

There was something about those old furnaces that.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. When they fire up, made a lot of good.

[Bob Kevoian]

They made a lot everyone noise.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. And the pipes, you know the one and they heat up. And the duct. The duct work, if you will.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes, yes.

[Kevin Harlan]

It would expand.

[Jeff Shaw]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

It sounded like dents coming out.

[Bob Kevoian]

I can remember yet my. The school. Elementary school I went to when the heat would go on and.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

You'd hear that creaking all over the school.

[Tom Griswold]

Sure.

[Bob Kevoian]

And they had the old fashioned radiators. You could put stuff on them to heat them up.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, like your wet mittens and. What.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

You didn't have an oil furnace, did you? Your parents.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is that why you had up in Harbor Springs? We did.

[Christy Lee]

Oh. Where they had to like put it down through the basement. They would have that little shoe.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, that's one of my favorite stories. You know this one. If you. If you had oil heat.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

You'd have a. How do I describe it? There would be like a. Like a kind of a window to your basement sort of.

[I]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

And there'd be this shoot. The shoot. Yeah. And there was a. There was a hookup. Yeah. And the oil truck would come hook up and it would fill the tank. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

So if the other side ran to a tank.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. And so this guy was redoing his house. This is a true story up in Harbor Springs. And he had had the oil furnace replaced with a gas furnace.

[I]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

He had neglected to take the shoe T out. And the oil company was on a regular schedule and. And he wasn't there. They came out and they hooked the truck up and flipped the switch. Filling his basement with. That was.

[Tom Griswold]

That was.

[Bob Kevoian]

That was a tear down.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow.

[Christy Lee]

They tore the house down.

[Bob Kevoian]

It was in fact, it was impregnated.

[Tom Griswold]

Either that or make it a super fun site.

[Christy Lee]

Either way, yikes.

[Bob Kevoian]

I was. I was the contemporary for furnaces. Could they add like a pill you could put in so it would smell like an old fashioned furnace?

[Tom Griswold]

What?

[Christy Lee]

What?

[Bob Kevoian]

You know that smell? You'd first turn the furnace on.

[Kevin Harlan]

Possum bones, nobody likes that smell.

[Tom Griswold]

You have. You have got to.

[Kevin Harlan]

That's like my least favorite day of the year is when I turned the furnace the heat on for the first time.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

Your house smells like you've been ironing moths.

[Tom Griswold]

2026 is right. Right around the corner.

[Bob Kevoian]

Just ask him.

[Tom Griswold]

Come with us, please.

[Christy Lee]

Speaking of movies, a recent survey shows most Brits do not consider Die Hard to be a Christmas movie.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, okay. Culkin, he recently got booed at a convention for saying that.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, well, actually, Home Alone was named the top Christmas movie there. According to.

[Tom Griswold]

There's been the video of Bruce Willis doing something from a while ago that says Die Hard is not a Christmas right out of his mouth.

[Kevin Harlan]

Macaulay Culkin's point was kind of interesting. He goes, you set that thing at St. Patrick's Day. It's no. It's no different. I disagree. I think the whole Christmas party feels okay. Absolutely.

[Christy Lee]

Absolutely. I've always thought it was a Christmas. A lot of people think that. It's one of their favorite Die Hards. One of their favorite Christmas movies.

[Bob Kevoian]

And were you. Were you happy and Die Hard? I know I was when he shot the guy. Guy. The frat boy that.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, the cokehead.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. To make a deal with him.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

You can't wait for that guy to die.

[Bob Kevoian]

Not real Christmasy, but.

[Christy Lee]

40% defended the movie as a holiday classic. 5% chose it as their favorite film. Once again, Home Alone named the top Christmas movie. This was in Britain. Followed by Love, actually. 10%, It's a Wonderful Life. 10%. And of course, Josh's favorite elf in at 5%.

[Bob Kevoian]

Love, actually is also divisive.

[Tom Griswold]

Now give us the.

[Christy Lee]

In this room it is.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, I'm a big fan, Josh.

[Christy Lee]

I am, too.

[Kevin Harlan]

No, it's. It is terrible, but it makes a lot of people happy. What are you going to do?

[Christy Lee]

It makes me cry. I can't watch it now after hearing.

[Bob Kevoian]

Josh break it down about it's.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, there's not a real human being in it.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's Makes me sad.

[Tom Griswold]

Rowan Atkinson, the salesperson.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, he's.

[Kevin Harlan]

There's a couple funny things there.

[Christy Lee]

Liam Neeson ruining his wife's life. Come on.

[Kevin Harlan]

It's nothing. I mean, It's. No, no.

[Christy Lee]

It's actually the other guy, but it makes people angry. Alan Rickman. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I like this where Josh gets everybody mad instead of me.

[Christy Lee]

What makes for you. What makes the perfect Christmas movie, Josh?

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, I think Home Alone is.

[Christy Lee]

No, I mean, what would make the perfect.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'm about to say, I think Home Alone is. Is one of the reasons that's such a great Christmas movie is because it is fun and exciting and it has a real heart to it.

[Christy Lee]

Heartwarming story number one is on the list. 30% of the people, in many ways.

[Bob Kevoian]

Which ones do you watch every year.

[Kevin Harlan]

I watch Scrooged, Christmas Vacation, Home Alone. Both Home Alones. Well, I know there are more than 2, but 1 and 2? I like to watch Trading Places.

[I]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

Ackroyd in a Santa suit on a bus crazily eating a salmon. It's not the holidays until I see that.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Kevin Harlan]

And Die Hard. I try to watch every year. I don't always. Gremlins is often forgotten. That's. That's over the Christmas season.

[Bob Kevoian]

You also profoundly dislike elf, Is that correct?

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, I don't. I. Look, elf is fine. It's not. It's overrated is where I'm at.

[Pat Godwin]

What would you personally put at number one Christmas movie?

[Kevin Harlan]

That is.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's.

[Tom Griswold]

I gotta go. It's a Wonderful Life. I gotta go.

[Kevin Harlan]

It's great.

[Tom Griswold]

I got to.

[Kevin Harlan]

It's fantastic.

[Bob Kevoian]

I go. Christmas Story.

[Tom Griswold]

I guess it's been revealed or brought to my attention that he. When he cries during Christmas Story. That wasn't supposed to happen, but he just come back from World War II flying missions in World War II.

[Kevin Harlan]

So, like when he's, like all tense and kind of yelling like he really.

[Christy Lee]

Channeled that miracle on 34th street is pretty sweet.

[Kevin Harlan]

Wonderful. There's also a very little scene classic with Robert Mitchum and Janet Lee and I. And so right now I even forget the name of it. That's just wonderful. I'll find the name.

[Bob Kevoian]

Psycho Santa.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yes, that's right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Santa Attacks the shower.

[Tom Griswold]

Or Tony Perkins.

[Kevin Harlan]

Shop around the Corner is just wonderful. That's a great. I try to watch that every year.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that the Hallmark?

[Kevin Harlan]

No, that's Jimmy Stewart and they run a little store. Christmas.

[Christy Lee]

And that's.

[Kevin Harlan]

Is that you've Got Mail.

[Christy Lee]

You've Got Mail is.

[I]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

From that.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

Holiday affairs.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Kevin Harlan]

Holiday affair. If you ever get a chance, watch the TCM shows it a couple times a year. Okay. Lovely.

[Christopher]

We are all Christmas on this Christmas morning. So come on back for more Christmas lights. Charlie Brown and more. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Back to the Bob and Tom show here on a Christmas morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Let's talk Christmas songs. Actually, let's talk non Christmas songs.

[Kevin Harlan]

Tom, did you get 6, 7 to death over the weekend, but a couple times. Yeah, I got it a couple times for my niece and then. And then I did it a couple, couple times.

[Bob Kevoian]

But I know the move now.

[Christy Lee]

What's the move?

[Bob Kevoian]

It's the air juggling.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, yeah, they love that. That got big laughs from my niece when I did that. But I learned my oldest, my older niece, she. She's a freshman and she said in high school, and she said that if you say 6, 7 in class, you get a detention. And if you say it twice, you get like suspended for two days.

[Christy Lee]

Oh my God.

[Kevin Harlan]

Her school had enough, has cracked down so hard on it. It must have been so disruptive.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow.

[Kevin Harlan]

And I told my brother, I said, there's got to be a moment though where 6, 7 would be perfect to say. Yeah. And you take that detention.

[I]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

And you're a hero. Yeah. And he's like, oh, yeah. Because he and I have the same mentality. That's what we would have done. Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

And detention is somewhat counterproductive. Wait a minute. I mean, I don't have come to.

[Kevin Harlan]

School suspension for sure.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

Detention is.

[Christy Lee]

Well, it's in school. Suspension is how they do it now. Really High school system. Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

We got sit there.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. You just have to sit there. Yeah. Stare at the wall like Breakfast Club man.

[Jeff Shaw]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, not a single luxury Saturday school.

[Christy Lee]

Did you guys ever have Saturday school?

[Kevin Harlan]

It was an option for.

[Christy Lee]

I never went. But no, I mean that was in. When you got in trouble. Like it was. Yeah, it was like detention, then Saturday school, then suspension.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, really?

[Christy Lee]

That was. Yeah, yeah. I. Yeah, I had a couple Saturdays.

[Bob Kevoian]

So what's gonna happen on the 7th of June?

[I]

Hopefully.

[Bob Kevoian]

Will it be over by then?

[Kevin Harlan]

A little bit maybe. But I bet this past 7th of June was big.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Was it? I hadn't. I did. I didn't become aware of it until mid summer.

[Kevin Harlan]

Well, which means that it had been.

[Pat Godwin]

Had for a while.

[Christy Lee]

You found out about. About it.

[Kevin Harlan]

My lady, she coaches synchronized swimming and they have to count off. They do counts. And she said every time she's like five, six, seven. And they're like six, seven, like in the water they're gonna drink. Yeah. Start laughing.

[Christy Lee]

It'll be something to replace it soon.

[Bob Kevoian]

You're introducing a basketball team.

[Tom Griswold]

Just.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I guess they'll just call them six. Six or six. Eight. They'll just skip that one.

[Kevin Harlan]

Well, the new number's 41.

[Christy Lee]

What's 41?

[Kevin Harlan]

Same as six. I like it. I like that the kids have these things. They just. It's their thing. Thing. Who cares? I love it. I love it.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is an obscure one that really is not valid as a Christmas piece. However, in a way, it is there. There are certain sounds and certain pieces of music that are all about Christmas. And we have a story coming up about what are considered to be Christmas songs that really were never intended to be, but have become. Become them. Okay, But I think this is valid because certain, certain music from the Charles Schultz catalog, if you will, from Peanuts is rightly associated with Christmas. Sure, because it's just so wonderful that Vince Geraldi. Oh, that stuff is just great. This involves a news story about one of the voice artists from the Charlie Brown world. Fans of Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang were shocked and saddened to learn that voice. Voice actor Peter Robbins, who portrayed Charlie, was arrested and sentenced to five years in prison for making criminal threats. Inspired by this story, the Bob and Tom network presents a brand new Charlie Brown special with a plot ripped right from today's headlines.

[Pat Godwin]

Everyone's favorite lovable loser, Charlie Brown is apart from the rest of the Peanuts.

[Bob Kevoian]

Gang for the first time because Charlie.

[Tom Griswold]

Brown got busted and is doing a nickel upstate.

[Bob Kevoian]

Good grief. The cell is really small. My bunk is hard and lumpy, and there's a toilet in the middle of the room. And it smells worthier than at Pigpen's house. It's the newest and grittiest peanut special ever. Oh, hello. I guess you're my son. Cellmate. Gosh, you must really work out. You've got a lot of muscles.

[Pat Godwin]

So what are you in for?

[Bob Kevoian]

Gee, did the police ever find the hooker's head? Oh.

[Christy Lee]

Huh.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't understand. Why would I want to wear lipstick?

[Tom Griswold]

What?

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, my God. It's the new animated television special.

[Christopher]

Holy moly.

[Bob Kevoian]

You were a prison bitch, Charlie Brown.

[Kevin Harlan]

Rats.

[Bob Kevoian]

That hurt way more than landing on my back after trying to kick that football. What? You sold me for a pack of cigarettes. Good grand grief. You're a prison Charlie Brown. Exclusively on the Bob and Tom Network. Oh, thank you very much, man. Merry Christmas. A lesser known Charlie Brown special. Sure, now we do have the story about.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, Metal Floss collected some festive songs that were not originally meant for the holidays. This one I can totally understand. Baby, it's cold outside never mentions the holidays. Cold and snow. Knowing it was written in 1944 by Tony Award winning Broadway songwriter Frank Lassier.

[Bob Kevoian]

Lesser.

[Christy Lee]

Lesser.

[Pat Godwin]

Guys and Dolls Guys.

[Christy Lee]

It was initially a jokey, flirty party piece for him and his wife, singer Lynn Garland, to perform with their friends. Oh, well, of course it's become attached to the festive season because of the.

[Bob Kevoian]

And then a couple. Wasn't it banned a couple of years ago?

[Christy Lee]

Rewrite the lyrics.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Because it alludes to him getting her drunk and taking advantage.

[Kevin Harlan]

I think, how else are you gonna get laid?

[Pat Godwin]

I think the best version out there is Sinatras. And I think Christy and I right now will reenact that moment. You're gonna go, I really can't stay. And Sinatra.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, great.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Kevin Harlan]

Go ahead.

[Bob Kevoian]

Christine.

[Pat Godwin]

Me, me, me, me.

[Christy Lee]

I really can't stay.

[Pat Godwin]

You're staying.

[Bob Kevoian]

Lack of. Lack of consensuality.

[Kevin Harlan]

If you was a little more nuanced.

[Pat Godwin]

Much richer.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but that was a big. A few years ago, there was a whole thing about it.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

And I know it's not PC, but I love that song. I always love that song. Joey Dashel's version is incredible. On Redbone.

[Bob Kevoian]

Originally a little more jokey. I have a question. How does she spell Zoe?

[Christy Lee]

Z O, E, Y. Doesn't she?

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay. Because I was. Zoe Kravitz spells it Z oe. Wouldn't it be Z with.

[Christy Lee]

With the. With the thing over it?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but with the E. Oh, she's got the umlat.

[Christy Lee]

I've always spelled Zoe Z oe. I didn't.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, both are fine.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but does that mean the Joe is Joe? Joey.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

No, no, let's not entertain this.

[Christy Lee]

No, he wants it to. If they. If the person that has the name.

[Bob Kevoian]

If you're trying to learn English as a second language.

[Jeff Shaw]

Impossible.

[Kevin Harlan]

They say it's. They say it's the hardest.

[Bob Kevoian]

It makes. It makes no sense. Yeah, well, we've grown up with it and we. We can't have. It makes sense. Okay. These are once again songs that were not intended to be for Christmas.

[Christy Lee]

This is one that surprised me. Jingle Bells. Some sources credit the original song, the One Horse Open Sleigh, to James Lord Pierpont, who originally wrote it in 1857 after witnessing the famous sleigh races in Medford, Massachusetts. Massachusetts, and intended it to be sung by a Sunday school students for Thanksgiving.

[Kevin Harlan]

Interesting.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. However, recent research has shown that the earliest recorded public performance of Jingle Bells was at a minstrel. A minstrel?

[Tom Griswold]

A what?

[Christy Lee]

Menstrual.

[Bob Kevoian]

Not a menstrual show.

[Christy Lee]

Not a menstrual.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow. I'M laughing at Menstrual Sunday.

[Pat Godwin]

Bloody Sunday.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. A review show in Boston in 1857. 7.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh jingle how I love you, how.

[Christy Lee]

I love you My M I N S T R. No, no, you're right. It's just.

[Bob Kevoian]

I thought you said a menstrual show.

[Christy Lee]

Which would be casting doubt to the original story of so who knows Crazy.

[Kevin Harlan]

That that's what that man.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean. But I think you've got the. The Sleigh Bells if you want to do. It's a joke in the studio. Anytime you want to make anything a Christmas song, you just play Sleigh Bells.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

You could make Iron man by Ozzy a Christmas song if you have the Slayer labels in it.

[Christy Lee]

Joy to the World was originally written by Isaac Watts in the 1700s. The song actually started out as an adaptation of the old Testament Psalm 98.

[Kevin Harlan]

Sure.

[Christy Lee]

Before the existing tune was written by Boston composer and church musician Lowell Mason in 1830.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think they say that's more of an Eastern song. Easter. I can see that the Lord has come. I think that's the. On that one. But the one I don't. Don't get that is a Christmas song that I can't find any justification for. Is from the Sound of Music.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, right, right, right. These are a few of our favorite favorite favorites because it's potentially gifts. Yeah, potentially.

[Christy Lee]

We sing that in choir for our Christmas concert.

[Kevin Harlan]

But it does.

[Bob Kevoian]

It doesn't mention.

[Christy Lee]

It wraps paper wrapping paper.

[Bob Kevoian]

It doesn't mention Christmas or Jesus or Satan. Santa.

[Kevin Harlan]

Which is why schools like to do it.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that's true.

[Tom Griswold]

That's.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's an interesting.

[Kevin Harlan]

Well, no, some of that is. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah.

[Christy Lee]

But that song isn't on.

[Pat Godwin]

One that surprises me is Here Comes Peter Cottontail.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

That's not a Christmas song.

[Kevin Harlan]

You're exactly right.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

The melody is so Christmassy.

[Christy Lee]

Do you have a Christmas song?

[Pat Godwin]

Tons.

[Christy Lee]

Do you?

[Pat Godwin]

Being ignored.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, I mean, the one of the ones. What's that one? What's the Mariah Carry one?

[Christy Lee]

All I want for Christmas.

[Bob Kevoian]

That was originally written for the terrorist prisoners in Guantanamo to see if they'd cough up.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin Harlan]

Everybody loves that.

[Christy Lee]

What are you doing?

[Kevin Harlan]

They would needed something to play on repeat over and over and over.

[Bob Kevoian]

It would make them confess. No.

[Jeff Shaw]

Oh.

[Christy Lee]

Cannon Bomb is also on this list.

[Kevin Harlan]

Sure.

[Christy Lee]

But it's thought to date back to the 1500s. Hundreds. It earned various verses over the centuries, but with Tannenbaum translating to fir tree, it ultimately became associated with Christmas amid the widespread adaptation of decorated Fir trees in the Victorian era.

[Kevin Harlan]

And then we took it and went. Oh, Christmas tree.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you sing for Jingle Bells? Did you do the Batman version?

[Christy Lee]

Yes. Batman smells. Yeah. Robin lay tonight. Yep.

[Bob Kevoian]

How does it go again?

[Christy Lee]

Jingle bells.

[Kevin Harlan]

Batmobile lost his wheel Joker got away. Hey.

[Pat Godwin]

I never knew there was a second line to that.

[Bob Kevoian]

I. I didn't either. That is. That is so enlightening. It's like the Rosetta Stone. It's opened up a whole new world. We'll get some more of these. I. I'm a big fan of Christmas music in general. There. There are only a couple. Like, I can't take anymore. But. And I like even as you say, the classic classics.

[Christy Lee]

I love the classics. There just needs to be some new classics.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think there are. We've already had this argument.

[Kevin Harlan]

There are definitely songs that remind me of winter that aren't winter songs at all. That's just. I just. When they were big or whenever I heard them, a lot like. Oh, boy. Bittersweet Symphony.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that song.

[Kevin Harlan]

I remember it played on the muzak in a movie theater I worked at. And I remember listening that as a. Just snow so heavily outside. In movie theaters it's all glass in the front. So I was just watching the snow and that song. So that always reminds me of winter, even though it has nothing to do with.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, you know. Silent Night was originally written by a guy whose wife had gone out with her girlfriends for the evening.

[Kevin Harlan]

It was originally titled Peace and Quiet.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. And then he said, this isn't a bad riff. Maybe I can make this little semi.

[Christopher]

Christmas lights and more are discussed in the next segment of this All Christmas Best of the Bob and Tom Show.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hi, honey. Marge shot here. And this is my new show, Smoke em if you got em. A chance for your favorite celebs to light up. Kickback and sound off. What a show today, honey. My guest flew in all the way from the North Pole. Everybody's favorite fat man, Jolly old Saint Nick, Santa Claus. What are you smoking, honey?

[Christy Lee]

Ho, ho, ho.

[Kevin Harlan]

No thanks, Margie. I got the pipe here. That's all I need.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sanny, thanks for taking time out of your schedule for little Margie. I know you've got to be totally jammed up about now, honey.

[Kevin Harlan]

Things are a bit hectic around here at the old workshop. Even more than usual just before C day. Oh, for one thing, those crackpots at PETA keep breaking into the barn and freeing the reindeer. Claim I abuse the dumb beast by making them fly around the world.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, I must admit, hauling your lard ass can't be any kind of picnic for Rudy and the boys.

[Kevin Harlan]

If you want to talk about abuse, what about me? I spend my entire Christmas Eve looking down the business end of nine reindeer rectums. So there's no potty breaks along the way?

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, no.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'm gagging on the stink of burnt cheese and dodging butt burgers. It ain't pretty, Margie. And to top things off, some of my elves are threatening to go out on strike.

[Bob Kevoian]

Those ungrateful little piss ants. I told you years ago, honey, you should outsource to the Indonesians. Hell, they'll tackle any kind of job. And you know what? They work cheap. I got a swarthy guy who comes over once a month, puts on a snorkel mask and cleans out Margaret's septic tank.

[Jeff Shaw]

All the time.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's getting backed up because I keep flicking the Marlboros into the toilet whenever I have a sit down. Which, after my little problem was cleared up, seems to be happening. Happening about 30 times a day. Hey, how's Mrs. Claus? Is she still trying to fatten you up?

[Kevin Harlan]

Well, Margie.

[Bob Kevoian]

What?

[Kevin Harlan]

Actually, the missus and I have separated.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's a shame. Marge is sorry to hear that.

[Kevin Harlan]

Well, actually, I think it's good for us to be apart for a while.

[Tom Griswold]

Why?

[Kevin Harlan]

Santa's got certain needs, you know? Yeah, coming down a chimney once a year just ain't cutting it anymore.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know what I'm saying?

[Kevin Harlan]

Marge, do you have any idea how much strange I could be getting right now? Oh, we're talking Rolling Stones road monk times 10. I mean, think about it. It's like a year long concert tour all crammed into one night.

[Bob Kevoian]

You mean you get offers from the gals while you're working, honey?

[Christy Lee]

Ho, ho, ho.

[Bob Kevoian]

Are you me?

[Kevin Harlan]

I spill more than Antonio Banderas has ever seen. Oh, there I am, Marge. Sneaking into houses and apartments all over the world with millions of horny women who are alone on Christmas and looking for love.

[Pat Godwin]

Bingo, bango.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'm in and out and on my merry way. What a treat. Beats the hell out of stale cookies and warm milk.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's Marlboro time. I'm Marge Schatz. Let's get the out of here. So long, honey. So, Sanny. Oh, what about Margie?

[Jeff Shaw]

Did you get my letter, honey?

[Kevin Harlan]

Don't you worry, Margie. You were borderline naughty. But Santa likes that in a woman. You'll get just what you asked for on Christmas morning.

[Bob Kevoian]

A carton of smokes and pictures of Ed Asner naked with his back Hair and curlers. I can't wait. Merry Christmas, Santa. How about a couple of jugs of nice warm Christmas milk for your trip?

[I]

Holy.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, Marge. Hey, I might have a belly that looks like a bowl full of jelly.

[Tom Griswold]

But, jeez, at least it didn't hit the floor.

[Bob Kevoian]

Come on, honey.

[Christopher]

Welcome back to this All Christmas Bob and Tom show here in the O'Reilly Auto Parts studio. Think O'Reilly Auto Parts. For all your car care needs. Get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. Let's talk some Christmas lights. On this Christmas morning, a family in.

[Tom Griswold]

New York State has beaten their own world record for the most Christmas lights on a property. Wow. Much to the chagrin of their neighbors. I added that the Times Union reports that Tim Gay together with his wife Grace and their three adult children.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is obviously making up for the fact everyone calls it the Gay house.

[Kevin Harlan]

Can you imagine that? How they have to tip to. Yeah, the gays next door put up a bunch of Christmas lights.

[Bob Kevoian]

What?

[Kevin Harlan]

No, no, that's her last name. I swear. They have to be careful. You know, everything was fine until the gays moved in.

[Tom Griswold]

I gave this a quick.

[Pat Godwin]

I wish I was mature enough to not laugh, but yeah, you guys are.

[I]

Stop.

[Kevin Harlan]

It's their last name.

[Tom Griswold]

I gave this a quick glance and I thought, you know, this is going to go somewhere. I don't know where, but it's going to go somewhere. And here we are.

[Bob Kevoian]

Have you seen a picture of this place? No.

[Kevin Harlan]

The wife, Enola is gorgeous.

[Pat Godwin]

That's what we're doing.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow. According takes it a different direction.

[Kevin Harlan]

I thought maybe we should.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Not. Did you see the part at the end where it says you can actually see their house from space?

[Christy Lee]

Well, it's like deck the hall.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's a lie. Oh.

[Tom Griswold]

According to the newspaper, Tim Gay, together with his wife Grace and their three adult children are a local fixture in the town of La Grangeville, N.Y. with their annual holiday light display. They initially broke the Guinness World Record title for the most illuminations on a property with 346,283 Christmas lights. And again in 2014, they. They kicked it up in Notch Wilbur. 601,736 lights.

[Kevin Harlan]

Now those gays go all out.

[Tom Griswold]

The family has broken their own Record with 687,000 lights.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's because they got a new nuclear reactor in their backyard.

[Christy Lee]

Do they say what their electricity bill is?

[Tom Griswold]

No. And of course it looks fabulous. In addition to serving as a backdrop for 19 marriage proposals, so far.

[Kevin Harlan]

Well, that's just rubbing it in the gay space.

[Christy Lee]

Stop it.

[Tom Griswold]

I think their name is gay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Right.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'm saying.

[Pat Godwin]

And also, six years.

[Kevin Harlan]

That joke would have made more sense right now.

[Tom Griswold]

Josh, the gays are married. It's Tim Gay and his wife.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, hey, if you see elegant pictures, it looks like. It looks like Disney World.

[Christy Lee]

It does look like Disney World.

[Kevin Harlan]

Does it look nice?

[Pat Godwin]

This is incredible.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's. It's kind of vegasy. It's. It's. It's not particularly. What's the word I'm looking for? There's not a lot of religiosity in the.

[Kevin Harlan]

I think it looks very cool.

[Bob Kevoian]

Like the big stars and all different colors.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, it looks like they're shooting and.

[Bob Kevoian]

Shooting stars.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay. Yeah, it's a. It's interesting.

[Tom Griswold]

I mean, looks like they're shooting.

[Bob Kevoian]

My. My house is a little more subtle.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yours don't work, so it doesn't matter.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, no, it's very.

[Bob Kevoian]

As soon as they dry out.

[Tom Griswold]

That's very, very subtle.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'll head home.

[Christy Lee]

Well, I'm telling you, you should have gotten. You should have gone for the.

[Bob Kevoian]

I had the electrician over twice.

[Pat Godwin]

The Christmas season is snowy and wet season.

[Kevin Harlan]

Got the Godwin lights. As soon as they dry out, they work. He's not even here to defend himself right now. He's in bed just stomping around.

[Tom Griswold]

Why don't you say that?

[Kevin Harlan]

Just. Son of a. I'll get a text.

[Bob Kevoian]

By the way, off topic and totally visual. The new cups that we have, I feel like I'm at the. The free breakfast at some roadside inn.

[Tom Griswold]

Let me see. Hold it up. These generic Starbucks cups.

[Kevin Harlan]

No, those are the same cups that they use on every Hallmark Christmas movie.

[Bob Kevoian]

When they go together, they're totally generic. Yeah, and then these showed up. Let me ask where we got these empty. These look like they are Starbucks cups.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

How'd we get those?

[Bob Kevoian]

I stole them from the Starbucks.

[Kevin Harlan]

Inventory using those.

[Tom Griswold]

The Starbucks cup. The truck was driving by.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Hit a bump. A couple of cases popped off.

[Bob Kevoian]

But seriously, don't.

[Jeff Shaw]

These.

[Bob Kevoian]

These.

[Tom Griswold]

Let me ask you a question.

[Bob Kevoian]

These generic foam cups, I really feel like.

[Kevin Harlan]

Like, this is the.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, well, between 8 and 10, we have the free breakfast.

[Tom Griswold]

Can you at least stop for a second and recognize that you're complaining about the cups we're using?

[Bob Kevoian]

Not complaining. I'm making an artistic statement.

[Tom Griswold]

Like a complaint.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, this. This. These are the exact. They're so generic. You are losing the mind.

[Tom Griswold]

So you want something? What. What do you want?

[Kevin Harlan]

I mean, those are less generic than just a white Styrofoam.

[Bob Kevoian]

We used to have the cups that had our logo on them.

[Christy Lee]

Well, we.

[Tom Griswold]

I think. Never mind.

[Kevin Harlan]

Didn't you buy a bunch of those? Oh, no, no, no, no.

[Bob Kevoian]

That. I bought a. I bought a box of a thousand when they started.

[Kevin Harlan]

Wrong size or something.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes. And they wouldn't fit underneath.

[Tom Griswold]

That could have been my favorite story ever.

[Pat Godwin]

So what kind of cups would satisfy you?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, no joke.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let's get the Bob and Tom logo cups back.

[Pat Godwin]

But you want the. The short enough one so that it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, the ones that'll fit it underneath the coffee thing. I'll go. I'll figure it out later today. Yeah, that'll help. We have to get to this guy burning down his house. We have burning down his house. A great Superman story coming up in the news. And in all seriousness, that's doing well.

[Kevin Harlan]

That's it.

[Tom Griswold]

That's it. Wherever you go, whatever you do, you have another story. Always be.

[Kevin Harlan]

What?

[Tom Griswold]

No, I don't. You do not.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Kevin Harlan]

Mike, Mark told me where the Starbucks cups came from.

[Christy Lee]

Where'd they come from?

[Kevin Harlan]

The day the turkey came in and sang for us with Duke Tomato. We ordered so much. We ordered those giant coffee things, and they came with many, many cups.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, all right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well. Well, thank you very much.

[Tom Griswold]

That mystery solved. Okay, now, always be a good we.

[Bob Kevoian]

We'll hand the. We'll hand the baton to Christy for a story. Then we've got a Christmas request. Oh, Christy, what have you got over there?

[Christy Lee]

Well, I'm going to do this story because to me, this is the best story of the day. The bookseller magazine has announced the winner of its oddest book Title of the Year award.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, I love this already.

[Christy Lee]

All right, you ready?

[Kevin Harlan]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Is Superman Circumcised by Roy Schwartz was the winner.

[Kevin Harlan]

I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.

[Christy Lee]

Over five other titles for the magazine's Diagram Prize, the book explores the creation of the so called mensch of steel. Mensch of steel. I'm not Jewish. I don't. By Jewish immigrants. Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster.

[Bob Kevoian]

Mensch is a really good guy.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, he's a good.

[Bob Kevoian]

He's a good great guy's mensch.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah, he's a mensch.

[Christy Lee]

With Schwartz arguing that Superman's origin story is based on Moses, his strength on Samson, and that Krypton Society is based on Jewish.

[Bob Kevoian]

Krypton. Krypton.

[Christy Lee]

Krypton Society.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know where Superman came?

[Christy Lee]

No, I don't.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know where his parents are?

[Tom Griswold]

Cal?

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

Joe.

[Christy Lee]

Mom and A dad. That's what I know, right? He had a mom and a dad.

[Kevin Harlan]

For years they've suggested that Superman was sort of a Christian figure. Okay, so.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, this is everything. This is like a lot of storytelling. Like, people have done the same thing. Of course, Luke is G's at Luke Skywalker. It's this kind of stuff.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes, but the.

[Christy Lee]

The guys worried that Superman is circumcised or not.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, I mean, I just Ask Lois Lane.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

Why didn't they just ask Lois?

[I]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Come on, you don't need to write a book about it.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, Lois.

[Christy Lee]

I guess I'm assuming she's.

[Bob Kevoian]

If they wanted us to know, they would have made the uniform a little tighter. But I. Yeah, I have a couple lots of questions about this.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is the man of Steel always hard? No, I mean by definition.

[Kevin Harlan]

Hey, look, we appreciate you saving our kids from the school bus that was on fire, but could you do something about that?

[Pat Godwin]

And if you're gonna have it, at least get a different uniform material, spandex.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think the answers are simple one though. Really?

[Tom Griswold]

Did that really just happen?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, because Superman was. He was born on the planet Krypton. Right. And it. So he could have been circumcised on Krypton. They wouldn't have needed like some kind of kryptonite shears to, you know, do the. Right.

[Christy Lee]

I am.

[Bob Kevoian]

He didn't have his superpowers on Krypton, Right?

[Kevin Harlan]

I think they have.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Kevin Harlan]

For them to have been able to cut the hood off.

[Christy Lee]

Was he just the normal guy on Krypton?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, he's a normal baby. And then when the. The planet was going to explode, they sent baby Kal El. Right.

[Kevin Harlan]

Isn't there some argument that he only has powers on Earth because of the sun or something?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, that's exactly right.

[Christy Lee]

So on Krypton, he was just a normal dude, right?

[Bob Kevoian]

He would have been, but he was sent here as a baby. And he was adopted by the Kents.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Mrs. Kent's name. What was her name? Martha.

[Tom Griswold]

Martha.

[Christy Lee]

No, I have no idea.

[Bob Kevoian]

Martha. Martha.

[Tom Griswold]

Superman and Batman's mom's names are both Martha.

[Christy Lee]

So what's his dad's name?

[Tom Griswold]

That's not important.

[Bob Kevoian]

What is it? Jor El. Oh, you mean.

[Christy Lee]

No, Mr. Kent.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, what is Clark Kent stance? Kevin Costner was.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes, I forgot.

[Kevin Harlan]

I forget too.

[Bob Kevoian]

I haven't read in a long. I'm sure someone knows.

[Kevin Harlan]

I think it was Slappy Smallville.

[Tom Griswold]

Glenn Ford. Glenn Ford was one of them. Right, Wasn't he?

[Pat Godwin]

He was.

[Bob Kevoian]

So your point is? Circum. So the. The title of this book. Book is. Is Superman Circumcised.

[Christy Lee]

Correct.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes. And it won the oddest book title of the year award. There's a lot of that.

[Kevin Harlan]

That's.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'll have to grab the book and read it. It sounds fascinating, but you understand my logic. He would have been circumcised on the.

[Christy Lee]

On Krypton.

[Bob Kevoian]

Not when he appeared. But is that a.

[Pat Godwin]

Is that a tradition in Krypton? Because in America most people are. But outside of America, not most people are.

[Bob Kevoian]

So depends where you are. Depends what culture. Cultures going on. I mean, if they did it here, they would have had to use tip tonight.

[Kevin Harlan]

Tip tonight. That's exactly right.

[Tom Griswold]

Also, what's the deal with. What's the deal with European guys wearing bikini bottoms for their swimsuits? What's the deal with that?

[Bob Kevoian]

Just a cultural.

[Christy Lee]

Nice Speedo.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. That's appreciated.

[Tom Griswold]

It's creepy.

[Christy Lee]

Not necessarily.

[Tom Griswold]

I think it is creepy. We're a board short. Okay. Like a gentleman.

[Christy Lee]

Grow up.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Did you.

[Bob Kevoian]

How did you pronounce the name of the guy? Remember the famous character in the Superman comic books that you had to say his name backwards?

[Kevin Harlan]

I was not aware of this. But I know you've talked about him before because it's.

[Bob Kevoian]

And it's an unpronounceable name.

[Kevin Harlan]

Right. But if you say it, he disappears or it conquers him.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sends him back to the. I used to.

[Tom Griswold]

I've always said Shashevsky.

[Christy Lee]

That's funny.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's very good. I used to love Mr. McClxa picks because you have to say something.

[Christy Lee]

Well, what is it?

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't know. I don't think they ever had that on the movies, did they? In this case, he'd be Mr. Brisplicks a pics. Bris of bricks.

[Kevin Harlan]

Snip a pricks.

[Bob Kevoian]

That works.

[Tom Griswold]

Snip a brick.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'd always come.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'm Rabbi Snip a prick. Rabbi Snip a prick has to be in something.

[Pat Godwin]

It's pretty funny.

[Bob Kevoian]

I've always assumed that Superman was kind of like a Ken doll.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, just kind of smooth down there with a lump.

[Christy Lee]

No, he has an affair with Lois Lane. There's no way.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm just not going to say. We don't know how. The assumption.

[Tom Griswold]

She does seem satisfied.

[Christy Lee]

Yes, she does.

[Kevin Harlan]

Jonathan and Martha.

[Christy Lee]

Jonathan.

[Bob Kevoian]

Jonathan and Martha. Thank you very much.

[Tom Griswold]

I didn't really try.

[Kevin Harlan]

Those are the Kents.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now coming up. And if anyone has an answer to that question. I haven't read this book yet, but the Question once again on is Superman circumcised?

[Christy Lee]

I would say yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Batman, undoubtedly.

[Christy Lee]

Why?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, I mean, he grew up an American, so more often than not.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, most. Most likely.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah. An affluent family of that, in that time, in that place certainly would have.

[Tom Griswold]

Certainly. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Be very awkward.

[Christy Lee]

Okay.

[Kevin Harlan]

The mom was. I don't like them when they're not.

[Bob Kevoian]

That kind of thing.

[Christy Lee]

That scares me.

[Tom Griswold]

Looks like. Looks like he's wearing a sweater.

[Bob Kevoian]

Arthur, have you seen the bris? Let's move on here.

[Kevin Harlan]

There's another book that's kind of related in the superhero. Does Robin have hemorrhoids? I'm gonna say yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, now, wait a minute. What was Robin? He was the youthful ward, Dick Grayson. But how did he come to live with Bruce Wayne? How did that happen?

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't remember.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't either. He just kind of appeared.

[Kevin Harlan]

His family. Yeah. He just shows up because his family was killed. Right? The trapped artists.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, they've died in the circus.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's right.

[Kevin Harlan]

And then he goes, hey, I want to avenge mine.

[Bob Kevoian]

And believe it or not, the outfit that Robin wears.

[Christy Lee]

Is that real?

[Kevin Harlan]

I think so, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you know the name of the outfit that Robin wears? No, it's. I'm not making. Say. It's called a jerkin.

[Kevin Harlan]

Really? I thought that was one of Batman's villains. Robin, you handcuff them.

[Bob Kevoian]

Robin? I probably wonder why I'm wearing goggles.

[Christopher]

Okay, we're coming right back with yet another Patty G. Christmas song. It'll get you in the spirit. Come on back. And Merry Christmas from the Bob and Tom Show.

[Pat Godwin]

We've been dating for a month or two.

[Bob Kevoian]

Ish.

[Christy Lee]

He didn't know my son last name Green was Jewish.

[Pat Godwin]

She's got long blonde hair and her first name's Veronica.

[Christy Lee]

Now we're going to my place for Hanukkah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Meet Uncle Marty.

[Christy Lee]

He made a fortune selling jewelry.

[Pat Godwin]

Who is that lady with the bad plastic surgery?

[I]

That's Aunt Sophie singing Dreidel Drop.

[Pat Godwin]

What is all this strange food laid out on the table?

[Tom Griswold]

Here, eat.

[Bob Kevoian]

Have some kreplak and pickled herring.

[Pat Godwin]

No thanks, Mrs. Green. I'm not quite that daring.

[Kevin Harlan]

What?

[Bob Kevoian]

No herring for a fine young Jewish boy?

[Pat Godwin]

I'm not Jewish.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, my God.

[Pat Godwin]

She's sending another goi.

[Bob Kevoian]

Have some ginselta fish and put on this yarmulke.

[Pat Godwin]

Do you have any ham?

[Bob Kevoian]

Oy, It's a boyish ahanak.

[I]

Honey.

[Bob Kevoian]

Light a candle on the menorah.

[Pat Godwin]

I have no idea just what they're for. Is that the rabbi over there praying too?

[Bob Kevoian]

Much menachemitz. Who knows what he's saying?

[Pat Godwin]

Why does he have a scalpel?

[I]

The baby's going to have a brisk.

[Pat Godwin]

What's a nice boy like me doing in a place like this?

[Kevin Harlan]

How big is the ring that you got?

[Bob Kevoian]

Hyparonica.

[Pat Godwin]

We just started dating.

[Kevin Harlan]

It's a coyote shahonica.

[Pat Godwin]

Two weeks later, she's at my place for Christmas. Meet my Uncle Jimmy. He just had prostate surgery.

[I]

Who's the old lady drinking Irish whiskey?

[Pat Godwin]

That's my grandma. Come on now. She's singing Jingle Bells, standing on a chair grab her drink she almost fell.

[Christy Lee]

I just met Santa Claus he's really fat and jolly.

[Pat Godwin]

That's my dad in the big red suit and that's his belly. By golly.

[Bob Kevoian]

What the hell does Santa Claus have.

[Christy Lee]

To do with Jesus?

[Pat Godwin]

I don't know. Drink your eggnog and nibble on these cheeses.

[Bob Kevoian]

Our Christmas tree will have a six.

[Pat Godwin]

Pointed star we'll make it through the holidays as long as there's a bar.

[Kevin Harlan]

I'll wear a Santa hat I'll wear.

[Bob Kevoian]

A yarmulke It's a shiksa Christmas and.

[Pat Godwin]

A goy Shahanuka La la la la la Hanica.

[Christopher]

Oi. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back. And have yourself a merry little Christmas for the rest of today.

[Kevin Harlan]

Today.

[Christopher]

This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Another Patty G. Christmas song.

[Tom Griswold]

Here, Pat gonna have a song this time. Tom gonna let him in?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I think so. Pat, you got. Working on something all right? Yeah, I'm ready to go. Pat seems a little down.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, no, no, he's not down. I. I think here's.

[Tom Griswold]

Here's Tom and Pat to explain why they're fighting.

[Kevin Harlan]

What happened there was he. He had a song ready and then you.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, you did.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, I've been working on something.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, I had no idea it was done. I've been. I've walked by him six times this morning.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. You two never communicate.

[Kevin Harlan]

I've tried to.

[Tom Griswold]

I've tried to. I'm doing all I can.

[Christy Lee]

I know.

[Bob Kevoian]

You just can't sit there. I do my best to not communicate with the people I'm fondest of.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, we noticed.

[Bob Kevoian]

Give Kelly a call. You can't ask her about if you have a terrible communicator.

[Tom Griswold]

If you have a song, say something. And if you. And you know he has a song, say something.

[Christy Lee]

Never step up.

[Tom Griswold]

Why aren't you saying anything?

[Kevin Harlan]

Wait. Why aren't we asking? Pat, have you communicated to Tom that you. You have this song?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Yeah. No, that's not true. I just said that's not true.

[Pat Godwin]

Look at your text. Well, how about our conversations every month?

[Bob Kevoian]

I was in the coffee room.

[Christy Lee]

Why don't you talk to him? He's sitting.

[Pat Godwin]

I talk to him every morning. Don't listen to him. He knows. I communicate to him. I over communicate. Then I give up a day or two, then I come back. This may be a give up day. I don't know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Pat said, oh, he had a song for one of the stories. Oh, okay. Why don't you do that?

[Kevin Harlan]

That.

[Pat Godwin]

That's not what I said.

[Bob Kevoian]

Then he said, well, I said, which story was it? It was the one about the reindeer and the dog.

[Pat Godwin]

I told you I had a song for one of the stories and I didn't care for the way it turned out and I wasted an hour and she was sitting right here. Am I right?

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Kevin Harlan]

Okay, so you don't want to do that.

[Pat Godwin]

I didn't want to do that, you know, but I had. I had something.

[Christy Lee]

What do you want to do that you.

[Pat Godwin]

It's not going to work now. I'm gonna come up like a big dick. You have to have a likable audio of audience.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's. We're on your side here.

[Kevin Harlan]

We love you.

[Bob Kevoian]

We do love whatever the song is. We, I promise we. We will chuckle. Is this a comedy song?

[Tom Griswold]

I've mediated all I can. I don't know what to do.

[Bob Kevoian]

If I had a hammer Twas the.

[Pat Godwin]

Night before Christmas oh, and Santa's in.

[Bob Kevoian]

A daze.

[Pat Godwin]

He'S all laid back and mellow and acting awful strange Was there something in those cookies in Boise? I don't know Cassandra's saying ha ha ha Instead of ho ho ho his old Saint Nick wasted Did he eat off the wrong plate? He's laughing for no reason Reason says the presents might be late oh, what was in those cookies? Santa's dancing in the snow.

[Bob Kevoian]

And it.

[Pat Godwin]

Keeps on playing Grateful Dead instead of Nat King Cole that's the only laugh so far we know Santa sm. I'm going ahead. His mouth is dry his eyes are red as Rudolph's nose He's stopping at Taco Bell has the munchies, I suppose. What was in those cookies back in Naho? Cassandra's saying instead of. Santa seems buzzed Santa looks stoned Let him sleep it off. Leave him alone.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

Santa saying instead of Santa Santa.

[Bob Kevoian]

Relapse.

[Christy Lee]

I applaud you. That was a lovely.

[Kevin Harlan]

We teased you and you just tripled down. Man, I love.

[Bob Kevoian]

So Santa had a gummy me. Is that what happened?

[Pat Godwin]

Edible milky cookies.

[Christy Lee]

He grabbed the wrong.

[Pat Godwin]

What was in those cookies? I don't know.

[Kevin Harlan]

No laugh.

[Pat Godwin]

That's the one I was taking. I know.

[Bob Kevoian]

What does Boise, Idaho have to do with anything?

[Pat Godwin]

No, because all over the world.

[Kevin Harlan]

And the turn of phrase. Boise, I don't know, is great.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Kevin Harlan]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Kevin Harlan]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

All right.

[Kevin Harlan]

Why did they do this to you?

[Christy Lee]

You have a great song, and then they tear it apart.

[Tom Griswold]

That's what you. That's what you came away with after that song. Why. Why Boise. The Idaho.

[Bob Kevoian]

What's that about?

[Tom Griswold]

Why is. Why is it a yellow submarine? I don't know.

[Bob Kevoian]

What are you.

[Tom Griswold]

What are you trying to get to.

[Bob Kevoian]

Because a yellow submarine would be unusual. Typically submarines.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, Boise, Idaho, for starters. Kind of singable.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Yes.

[Kevin Harlan]

It worked great.

[Christy Lee]

It was wonderful.

[Bob Kevoian]

No. And it goes.

[Tom Griswold]

Idaho.

[Christy Lee]

Ho, ho.

[Pat Godwin]

There you go.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, I see. Okay. Very good.

[Tom Griswold]

You know what, Pat? I. I think I found the weak link in this. I think. I think I might be on to something. You. From now on, you got a song. Give me the high sign, by God.

[Pat Godwin]

I'll give you the big eyes.

[Kevin Harlan]

You do, Tom, get joy out of seeing your friend suffer. And I. I can't. I can't.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes, you do.

[Christopher]

You get.

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, you. You get. You get joy out of seeing everyone suffer, friend or not.

[Kevin Harlan]

I don't think I want to be with Tom. If we were like a hike and I get into quicksand, I don't think I want him with me because.

[Tom Griswold]

Laughing uncontrollably.

[Kevin Harlan]

Laugh until it's just my nose.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Kevin Harlan]

And I do believe he would then save me. But he will wait.

[Tom Griswold]

And you know what he would say when he would look down, he'd see your nose, and he would say, well, I guess we better get him out of there. That's exactly what would happen.

[Kevin Harlan]

The truth to that, One of us is sinking in quicksand. You're gonna watch us for a little bit.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Kevin Harlan]

And laugh and maybe throw things at us.

[I]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I can't throw things. Just. I'm gonna be too busy with my camera.

[Christy Lee]

There.

[I]

Are there.

[Tom Griswold]

There are things going on in the sports world right now. And he's like, oh, boy. What happened then?

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, yikes.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, he's in jail right now.

[Kevin Harlan]

Oh, geez.

[Tom Griswold]

That's tough, huh?

[Christy Lee]

You don't usually go to jail for something good.

[Bob Kevoian]

Occasionally, people do. Not everyone's guilty, you know, in jail. Christmas in jail. I had a little too much to drink. I always buy lottery tickets as stocking stuffers anyway.

[Christy Lee]

Scratch off, scratch offs.

[Bob Kevoian]

I do too And I haven't done that yet. So I just saw. I noticed the stockings were out yesterday getting ready, so. No, no, they were. I noticed they were sitting over by the fireplace. So that means it's time.

[Christy Lee]

Are they hung by the fireplace?

[Bob Kevoian]

They're going to be. They were. You know, this is a process now. You got. We just had the.

[Tom Griswold]

Have a, a hang. A stocking hanger guy I bet comes over and you don't have the little things.

[Christy Lee]

You sit on the mantel that have the little hooks.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes. But eventually I spell out Noel or something. I just am saying I happened to notice it yesterday.

[Tom Griswold]

Hooks for the stockies. They spell out Noel and then you get spell Leon as a joke.

[Kevin Harlan]

I love that. Was Leon here again?

[Bob Kevoian]

Leon, you don't like that song?

[Christy Lee]

Hang yourself.

[Bob Kevoian]

The first. The first Leon.

[Tom Griswold]

First Leon.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

You know, course. No, we do it the same day. We put the trio.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, that's because you are a different religion. That's true.

[Christy Lee]

I have one.

[Pat Godwin]

Very funny.

[Bob Kevoian]

Here at the Church of Santa Claus.

[Kevin Harlan]

This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Pat Godwin]

The United States Soccer Federation presents the U.S. soccer Podcast.

[Kevin Harlan]

This is the show where we bring you in depth interviews with U.S. soccer stars. This time, Sam Coffey.

[Christy Lee]

The World cup is in two years.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is it time yet?

[Christy Lee]

Like, can we get back in into camp?

[Kevin Harlan]

Tim Ream.

[Bob Kevoian]

We're going to continue to show other countries. We're not going to be pushed around.

[Kevin Harlan]

And Jedi Robinson. Every time you come back and you put the jersey on, it means more and more each time. So we'll be back here with all the best stories.

[Bob Kevoian]

The U.S. soccer Podcast.

[Kevin Harlan]

We've got a lot to talk about.

[Bob Kevoian]

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