The BOB & TOM Show - December 26, 2025

Summary

The BOB & TOM Show Free Podcast Episode: December 26, 2025

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Episode Overview

This lively post-Christmas broadcast delivers the BOB & TOM Show's trademark blend of irreverent comedy, playful banter, unusual news, and a parade of guest comedians. The hosts and regulars riff on recent holidays, classic show bits, and the quirks of daily life—showcasing their comfort with the odd, the cringeworthy, and the hilarious.

The episode features:

• A raucous, physical trivia competition/game involving athletic cups and baseball bats
• Discussions of odd news (world records, stolen umbrellas, viral social media stunts)
• Guest segments with comedians Al Jackson, Ralph Harris, Dave Dyer, Dusty Slay, Greg Hahn, and Jimmy Pardo
• Ongoing roast-style humor and casual behind-the-scenes banter

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Key Segments, Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Kick in the Groin Trivia Game: Anatomy, Cups, and Pain (03:00–15:00)

Description:
The show's first segment is a rowdy trivia competition with a twist: incorrect answers result in a “kick in the groin” while the male contestants wear athletic cups... on the outside of their pants. Female staffers wield baseball bats, and the event is streamed on Facebook Live—adding a bizarrely voyeuristic, slapstick feel.

• Chick McGee: “There is someone with this fetish who is loving every second.” (06:00)
• Contestants include Tom, Chick, Josh, Jeff, and Vibs; women participants are Grace, Jessica, and Casey.
• Wrong answers or penalties lead to immediate swings of the bat, leading to groaning, laughter, and some genuine discomfort (including a near-barf incident at 09:20).
• Trivia categories include human anatomy and biology, devolving into absurdity ("If we look at this tiny pair of things inside your jeans, we can find out if you’re a boy or a girl." – Answer: chromosomes).
• Running tally of hits, penalty swings for bad hints or blocking, and makeshift protocol for injuries and bow-outs.
• Notable quote:
  • Tom Griswold: "That looks just really painful." (13:16)

Tone: Loud, gleeful, and a bit crass—classic BOB & TOM Show physical, absurd fraternity.

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2. Al Jackson Segment: Language, “Blind Date” & The Evolving Dictionary (17:00–31:20)

Description:
Comic and Daily Blast Live panelist Al Jackson joins to riff on words, pop culture, and “dad-life” anecdotes. The panel explores “new” words added to dictionaries, and Al reminisces about his reality-TV dating show past.

• Al describes going on Blind Date as a young teacher (“blind drunk”) and the producers’ bizarrely permissive attitude in the early 2000s TV culture.
• They break down Dictionary.com additions: “grundle,” “cakeage," "liminal space," and urban slang like “janky” and “bust down.”
• Academic meets ridiculous:
  • Al Jackson: “You know what it is, Josh? Whenever somebody says ‘it was a different time,’ that just means it’s super illegal now.” (19:25)
  • Al Jackson: “Janky…something that’s sort of not fully put together…like that car’s really janky, so odds are it won’t start.” (27:26)
• Al gently quizzes Tom on slang, sparking hilariously awkward explanations.
• Ends with plans for future shows and teases Ace Cosby’s "Joke of the Day."

Tone: Fast, witty, with genuine warmth and cultural insights mixed with clowning.

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3. Ralph Harris & The Umbrella Ethics Debate (33:20–41:59)

Description:
Comedian Ralph Harris arrives to talk about losing (and borrowing) umbrellas, sparking a spirited debate about communal property, hotel etiquette, and the creeping “socialism” of modern life.

• Tom rails against the “take a penny, leave a penny” philosophy applied to umbrellas, treating them as public property—a metaphor for societal decay.
• Tom Griswold: “I think the umbrella has kind of become the give a penny, take a penny tray of our culture.” (42:33)
• Panel confessions: some admit to taking/returning umbrellas at hotels and malls, with nods to human nature and brazen “confessions.”
• Brief digression into hotel mini bars ("bag of M&Ms - eight bucks, little bottles of vodka are $15"), and memories of disastrous company trips.

Tone: Confessional, sarcastic, occasionally nostalgic—classic observational humor.

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4. Dumb World Records and Odd News with Dave Dyer (45:00–54:30)

Description:
Chick McGee and Dave Dyer spotlight bizarre and dubious feats from the Guinness Book of World Records.

• Records discussed: walking three miles on hands (with breaks allowed), largest Smurf collection, most spiders on body, most candles extinguished by fart, and more.
• Chick McGee (After learning about allowable breaks in the hand-walking record): “That’s not a record…I blame the people who hold the world records. They should have made it: the record is the longest you can walk on your hands. Period.” (47:45)
• Groans and disbelief over how “unimpressive” certain records become under close examination.

Tone: Giddy, mocking, reveling in the arbitrary and the absurd.

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5. Dusty Slay & The Perils of Alligator Selfies (55:53–69:33)

Description:
Alabama-bred comic Dusty Slay guests; talk turns to dangerous selfies, gators, his Southern upbringing, and odd news.

• Show discusses the viral trend of people taking reckless selfies with wild animals. (“Torons of Yellowstone” = “Tourist Morons”)
• Tom Griswold: “This alligator is right behind them. Yeah. They lived, though, didn’t they? …To me, those guys, they proved it’s okay to do this.” (59:24)
• Dusty: “I threw a rock at an alligator one time…just had not seen an alligator before and wanted to see it move.”
• Further riffs on regional accents, naming practices, and whether “months” should ever be used for a baby’s age.

Tone: Storytelling, self-deprecating, wry stand-up sensibility.

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6. Profile Names & Green Bean Casserole Memories / The Great Name Digression (74:36–85:04)

Description:
Conversation devolves into what Christy Lee should use as her online dating profile name, and a tribute to the recently deceased inventor of green bean casserole, Dorcas Riley.

• Endless riffing on possible cringe/flirty/funny profile names: “Short Stack,” “Sloppy Beaver,” etc.
• Tom Griswold (On Dorcas): “She invented the green bean casserole. How is this a news story? Seriously?” (80:30)
• Panel riffs on casserole recipes, names from the Bible, and the resonance of generational culture.

Tone: Zany, loose, playful—a roundtable of free associations.

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7. Mount Everest, Second Dates & Skinny Dipping (86:22–94:28)

Description:
Quickfire bits on the “real” pronounciation of Mount Everest (“Everest”) and sand-fueled escapades.

• Pat Godwin recounts a second date at a bistro (with a side of mutual musical admiration).
• Banter about the practical issues of being naked on Everest, golfing naked, and the eternal sand versus sex debate.
• Group confesses their attitudes toward public nudity, “skinny dipping,” and hairdresser-dating.

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8. Greg Hahn & Outlandish Headlines (96:50–110:49)

Description:
Comedian Greg Hahn brings furious energy; conversation covers porn injuries (penile fracture), TikTok challenges (Kool-Aid Man fence-busting), public urination/defecation stunts, strange objects washing up on beaches, and more.

• Chick McGee: “Are you watching the scene? What are you doing over there?” (100:47)
• More jokes about criminal idiocy, the economics of porn star injuries, and Japanese metal spheres.
• Segues into heartfelt, if ribald, appreciation of Keith Richards, flannel as stage wear, and the joys of catfish at casino buffets.

Tone: Energetic, frenetic one-liners + headline humor.

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9. Josh’s Buffet Adventures & Four Year Anniversary (113:38–150:00)

Description:
Josh Arnold discusses his casino buffet strategies and marks four years on the show—the crew “celebrates” with mock jealousy and light ribbing.

• Detailed buffet philosophy (catfish, protein strategy, stage attire pre-eating, doggy bag etiquette).
• Josh’s awkwardness at being watched eating by fans; nostalgia for Jello and cafeteria culture.
• The show lampoons itself for celebrating Josh’s “big” four year mark more than Chick’s 33+ years.
• Notable roast:
  • Tom Griswold: “Four years. That’s the big one. Are they sure they got that right?…I am so fake angry about this!” (141:44)
• Mock pageantry (steak, cake, media coverage), followed by a request for favorite Josh moments ("We're not doing that!"—a classic Josh retort, 150:00).

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10. Holiday Musical Bits, Communication Breakdown & Roast Finale (151:06–late)

Description:
Pat Godwin performs original holiday parody songs with self-deprecating banter about communication gaps with Tom. More roast-style commentary ensues.

• Pat’s “Boyish Hanukkah” song: blending Jewish and Christian holiday traditions in a light, musical manner.
• Pat's parody about Santa eating “special” cookies in Boise: “What was in those cookies in Boise? I don’t know. Now Santa’s saying ha ha ha instead of ho ho ho…” (156:31)
• In-show ribbing about whether Tom or Pat is at fault for missed cues and unused songs; meta-commentary on the challenges and joys of producing daily comedy.

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Notable Quotes

• “She really got him good. Yeah. Jeff is tasting wild. He doesn't look like he feels very good. You all right? Okay, he's going to take a break.”
  —Tom Griswold (09:22)

• “You know what it is, Josh? Whenever somebody says ‘it was a different time,’ that just means it’s super illegal now.”
  —Al Jackson (19:25)

• “The umbrella has kind of become the give a penny, take a penny tray of our culture.”
  —Tom Griswold (42:33)

• "I think the game's over. Can we play a song or something? What a sickening thought."
  —Tom Griswold (11:21)

• "They're taking speed too, Dean. Baby, blow me a kiss as you're leaving..."
  —Dean & the BOB & TOM Crew (Opening musical parody, 01:00)

• “Are you watching the scene? What are you doing over there?”
  —Chick McGee (100:47)

• “I am now pro umbrella and pro scarf.”
  —Tom Griswold (41:25)

• “Four years on the show... Four. That’s the big one... I am so fake angry about this.”
  —Tom Griswold roasting Josh Arnold (141:44)

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Timestamps At-a-Glance

• 03:00–15:00 — Groin trivia game (“kick in the cup” madness)
• 17:00–31:20 — Al Jackson: Blind Date, new slang
• 33:20–41:59 — Ralph Harris: Umbrella ethics
• 45:00–54:30 — Dumb world records with Dave Dyer
• 55:53–69:33 — Dusty Slay & dangerous animal selfies
• 74:36–85:04 — Dating profile names, green bean casserole
• 86:22–94:28 — Everest, second dates, skinny dipping
• 96:50–110:49 — Greg Hahn & rapidfire odd news/headlines
• 113:38–150:00 — Josh’s buffet tales & show anniversary roasts
• 151:06+ — Musical bits, communication riffs, show wrap-up

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Episode Tone & Conclusion

The episode exemplifies why BOB & TOM has such enduring appeal: it's a safe haven for grown-up, slightly adolescent humor; for comics to try out new stories; and for a familiar cast to riff endlessly on the ridiculousness of daily life. This edition, packed with holiday leftovers, oddball competitions, and warm guest energy, offers rich pickings for regulars and newcomers alike—with laughs, groans, and more than a few moments of genuine camaraderie.

Transcript

[Tom Griswold]

This is Kevin Harlan. Tonight, the NBA on Prime crew is back with another action packed doubleheader. The night starts when Jaylen Brown and the Celtics go toe to toe with Pascal Siakam and the Pacers. Then James Harden and the Clippers take on the Portland Trail Blazers. If you're not a Prime member, just sign up for a 30 day free trial. The Celtics and Pacers. The Clippers and Blazers coverage starts tonight at 7pm Eastern only on Prime. Restrictions apply. See Amazon.com for details. If you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why, hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering. With on time restocks, your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift. And you can end your day knowing they've got safety well in hand. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done. It's the Bob and Tom Show. Hey, pally, it looks like your girls have dumped us. They're taking speed too, Dean. Baby, blow me a kiss as you're leaving. Blow me, oh a kiss right now. Cause if you're gonna leave me, honey Whoa, I'll surely miss the way you Blow me, blow me a kiss Come on and blow me. Call kiss like you mean it. Blow, kiss goodbye. I really can't remember anything as hard as this. So blow me, blow me a kiss. Some things in life are hard to swallow. She couldn't take it all, Dean. She couldn't handle everything. Are you kidding? You monster. But if she comes back tomorrow, I'll be shooting my wad on flowers and a ring. Honey, blow me a kiss as you're leaving. Blow me, oh, a kiss as you go. And always think about me as you're going down your list. Blow me, blow me a kiss oh yeah. I'll miss her arms and her elbows. He'll miss her legs so tall. I'll miss her neck and her shoulders. But I'll miss her head most of all. Go down, boys. Mr. Royce Camel on guitar, ladies and gentlemen. I loved it when he sang Rhinestone Cowboy, didn't you, pally? That was Glen Campbell, you tool. Blow me, I kiss as you're leaving baby Blow me a kiss as you go. Here's the big finish, Dean. And if you to come home, honey hey, that's okay. Just grab a hold of this and Baby, blow me Baby, won't you blow me, blow me again. Jazz and wow. Good morning, Hello. From coast to coast, it's the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom. Bob and Tom. Bob and Tom. Many portions of the upcoming program have been pre recorded, meaning they've already happened and they're about to happen again. So where was I? Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, we're glad to have you here. It's the Bob and Tom show. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back. Thanks very much for joining us. We are live in the Napa Auto Parts studios. Most of the crew is through the glass. Hello again, everybody in the performance room. I'm gonna be head riding over there. I'm somewhat uncomfortable because I'm wearing a jock strap on the outside of my pants with an athletic supporter cup in it. How's that feel? It's a little tight. We've been playing a game, a trivia game. And to demonstrate the power of what a kick in the groin can do to a man. In honor of the Western Conference NBA Finals, where Draymond Green, you take over and explain chick. I'm going to walk in there. Drayvon Green is at Steven Adams in the testicles. Twice in the series, I think in game two. And then in game four. It had been Steven Smith says it was an accident. I don't think he. He got the shake off. It was Stephen Adams. And of course, unfortunately, Stephen Adams from New Zealand in his. He was trying to draw a simile between how tenacious the warriors defense was and monkeys for some reason. And he said that a couple of games ago, too. And maybe, maybe this is a little bit of karma for him, getting him talking about monkeys. There is some good news with these cups. Yeah, they're so tight, the crabs have officially suffocated. Throw those away when we're done. Now, you want to explain the layout? Here we are all standing astride young ladies with baseball bats. While we were wearing our cups on the outside of our pants. There is someone with this fetish who is loving every second. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And by the way, Jessica, Grace and Casey are. Grace is underneath Tom. And that's significant because Tom is Grace's immediate boss. And when I say immediate, I mean if anything goes wrong, Grace is somehow crying in another room. So this is why this. This makes this really okay. And this is being once again fed on Facebook live. Yes. Thank you very. So now it's a trivia competition. It's my turn. You said the category was biology. Yeah, and I think Jeff's ahead. One nothing. Is that our score? Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh. So Jeff has not been how did that happen? Jeff has not been hit in the testicles at all yet. Tom four times. I'm not sure. I. Three times. And Josh Arnold one time. My mind is a bit foggy. Okay, so when you do all that math, Jeff's ahead by one. Okay, I'm not sure how that. Our next category is biology, and Josh Arnold is. I just. But I just answered the question, Grant. Okay, fine. Yeah, fair enough. No, he just missed the one about Santa Claus. Not my strong point. Biology. Here's the question. Right. Are you ready to. I am. If we look at this tiny pair of things inside your jeans, we can find out if you're a boy or a girl. Oh, no. Tiny pair of things inside your jeans. Double helix. Come on. DNA. What DNA would be the answer? The old kazoo. The answer is chromosomes. Not. Not ovaries or testicles. Tiny little things in your pants. It's chromosomes and DNA. Toilets, then. Now, are you gripping that fat there, Grace? And now, what's the protocol? First of all, we've got a penalty hit. We've got a penalty hit coming for Josh for trying to cheat by giving hints. Oh, go ahead. Wait, wait. Do I have to take this? You can't put your hands. Somebody's gonna get hit in their hand. Hands behind your back. Obviously didn't go happen. Well, that was a good one. Oh, that was dead on. I think I heard something crack. Okay, now, let's not forget, Tom gets to get hit because he missed the question. Okay, Go ahead. Oh, no. Get him. Go. Oh, yeah. That hurts every time. You know, there's something about. And the zeal that she's. Okay, Our next question. Human anatomy. This is for Mr. Bodart. This is for Bodart. Yep. Penalty. Penalty. You answered too early. I'm sorry. Go for it, Jessica. Oh, my God. She's going. She's going.

[Chick McGee]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow. Oh, she went overhand high. High from the top. She tomahawked. Kind of doubled over. Are you okay? You're not going to barf, are you? That made the last video great, though. If you have puke, don't puke on the Tom par. Oh, we are in a room with carpeting. Yeah, that would be tough to get out. You have to barf. Go into that. She really got him good. Yeah. Jeff is tasting wild. You're looking your faces already.

[Chick McGee]

You're looking.

[Tom Griswold]

He doesn't look like he feels very good. You all right? Okay, he's going to take a break. Okay, he's taking a break. Get us. Oh, boy. Get yourself some water. Okay, one of our contestants is stepping out, so that means when he returns, he'll get another hit for leaving the game. Good. Yeah. Look at this. And he came to play eye black on. I don't have a cup, though. Did I get a cup? No, I think we can't. What do you mean? Look at it Bad. We ran out of cups. Oh, but Viv wants to play. Well, Vivid's a smart guy. You'll get the answer right. Because I think. I think Bodart's vomiting in the men's room, so I think he'll. Nice hit, by the way. Jasper get it right. But he is going to have to take the. The penalty hit for the. Okay, well, good. Well, let's. Let's move forward here. So it's Vib's turn for the question. And Vibs is not gonna wear a coat. He looks a little dirty. Oh, boy. Raw dogging it. Let's do this. You might want to go. You might want to go on your hand. Bibbert's gonna raw dog it. Okay, what's the category, please? Human Anatomy Perfect. Please remember, a reminder to all of our contestants. You can answer whenever you like, but it's better to let me. What was that? Is that a cheap shot? Oh, my. He said. He said he's going to throw up again. Maybe sued for assault. Oh, my. That. I don't. Wait, are they just going to start doing it randomly? Well done. That is not very nice right now. He's down. He's down. How did you do that? He is down. Timeout. Wait a minute. When he got hit, he's crying. When he got hit, who yelled why? He didn't even get the question. You know what I think? I think the game's over. Can we play a song or something? What a sickening thought. Good news and bad news. The good news is we found the cup. Bad news, it's just a little late. Oh, good. Oh, nice.

[Chick McGee]

It felt.

[Tom Griswold]

Are you okay? Did I cuss? I think. I don't know what happened. Wow. His eyes are watering. I wasn't even looking. I just heard the sound and I'm in pain. Yeah. Oh, that was right in the groin.

[Chick McGee]

That was not very nice.

[Tom Griswold]

That was a. That was a. That was a baseball bat today. I don't understand. I would be more than happy to listen to that five times a day. Whack. Okay. Are we gonna retire this competition?

[Chick McGee]

Is that her laughing?

[Tom Griswold]

Let's just try a few more questions. I intrigued to see if we. No. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do a speed Round. If you keep your hands on your bits and pieces. Okay. Speed. Round. Real quick. Speed. Round. Everybody's eligible. Go. This body part grows to three to four times its size. Properly. Penis. Okay. What? What's your answer? Tom? This body part grows three to four times. What's the rest of the question? When properly stimulated. In your case, usually when you're in a dark room all by yourself. Sphincter. You're all wrong. It's pupils. Those were my fingers. That's what you get for trying to block him. See, you guys covered up real fast. Doesn't your sphincter go three to four times size. No Titans. What?

[Chick McGee]

What?

[Tom Griswold]

When you're in the smallest room in the house. You know, he's assuming that there's some Pavlovian response. It's a dark. You keep the lights out when you're. What kind of penalty? What kind of penalty? Get him. Good. That looks just really painful. Okay. Over there. Okay. Sorry. How does the math. How does. How does a mathematician cure constipation? Constipation. Xlax times three. Okay, that's a hit. Tom, you got an answer? How does a mathematician cure constipation? I have no idea. Hit him. He doesn't know. Oh, bibber.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, you better get this right.

[Tom Griswold]

Works it out. What do you mean, Tom? I didn't get the. Tom. That's right. He works it out with a pencil. That's right. He didn't get the whole answer right.

[Chick McGee]

He got.

[Tom Griswold]

Hit the balls with a bat. That was a partial. Partial answer. With no cops. He works it out. We would have accepted pen, crayon, anything. Okay. All right. Okay, one more. Zoology. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? The pee is silent. Josh Arnold. That's right. I gotta go. Vibs. Do it.

[Chick McGee]

Does he have a cup yet?

[Tom Griswold]

That was too hard. All right. That is really nasty. That was personal. I can't watch anymore. He's down. He's down.

[Chick McGee]

Is he okay?

[Tom Griswold]

Wait a minute. Comedy.

[Chick McGee]

Looks like he's gonna cry.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that all right? Hey, good morning and welcome to the Bob and Tom show on this Friday morning. Hope you had a great Christmas. Coming up on the show today, Jimmy Pardo, Greg Hahn, Dusty Slay, Dave Dyer and Josh going to a buffet. But next, comedian Al Jackson is coming up. So stand by. This is the Bob and Tom. This is Kevin Harland. Tonight, the NBA on Prime crew is back with another action packed doubleheader. The night starts with Jaylen Brown and the Boston Celtics going toe to toe with Pascal Siakam and the Indiana Pacers. Then James Harden and the Los Angeles Clippers head to Portland to take on Shadyn Sharp and the Portland Trail Blazers. It all comes your way tonight on Prize. And if you're not a prime member, that's not a problem. Sign up for a 30 day free trial to get started today. The Celtics and Pacers. The Clippers and Blazers coverage starts tonight at 7pm Eastern only on Prime. Restrictions apply. See Amazon.com Amazon prime for details. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show here in the O'Reilly Auto Parts studio. Think O'Reilly Auto Parts for all your car care needs. Get the parts and service you need fast. From the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a segment from our west coast correspondent and good friend, comedian Al Jackson. I'm Chick. And here's Tom Griswold. Very proud. Jess has only been here for an hour and 22 minutes. We've already, we've already knocked her down.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. Can I clarify something?

[Tom Griswold]

Yes. I know what's wrong. Okay. The time zone thing.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

So I said the time zones go north to south.

[Chick McGee]

And what I meant was the longitudinal line that divides the time zones. I am aware that time zones go.

[Tom Griswold]

The other west or west to east, depending on your taste.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

However you want to. You were just saying when you get up toward the polls.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

They all come together.

[Chick McGee]

So it was, it was just a silly observation I've had since I was a kid.

[Tom Griswold]

I said it out loud.

[Chick McGee]

I regret it. I'm sorry. Thanks for the emails.

[Tom Griswold]

You're not saying thank you. You're saying.

[Chick McGee]

I'm saying nephew.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. We're gonna hook up, I hope with Al Jackson in a matter of moment. Oh, there he is. There he is. Oh, wow. Well, Al, of course, is latitude over here. Al, I like the look today. Is that a Cleveland Browns tribute, that orange? No, no, no. This is just how I roll. This is my, I feel like you remember, Tom during COVID I was in my tracksuit phase and I transitioned naturally into my dad, my dad every day kind of jacket. And I just have a bunch of these jackets that always look like I'm in the queue to pick my kids up from school. You know, we were just in that cart. It's a look that every, whether you want to or not, when you're 45, this is what goes down. But I was gonna say like Jess, the way she just said, hey, we came back, that's like when you would Go. I don't know if you guys remember, like, there'd be a time where you would go pick a woman up for a date that you had plans to go on a date with, and she would answer the door with that kind of, hey. And you'd be like, we don't have to go. And she'd be like, no, we can still go. And I'm like, not with this. Not like that. We can't. We. Yes, technically we can go, but it's. It. No, it's fine. It'll be cool. And then just quiet in the car. It's like, we're not going to put our dog down. Yeah, that's a bad first date.

[Chick McGee]

She's ruined the date before it started.

[Tom Griswold]

Putting the dog down. Al Jackson is our guest. Al is a distinguished stand up comedian. He's one of the panelists, alumni of the show Blind Date. Tom. Really? Oh, no. Yes. It's on YouTube. You guys didn't know I was on Blind Date? No. How did that go? Hey, What's that?

[Chick McGee]

You're just telling us this?

[Tom Griswold]

I can't. I went on Blind Date before I was even a comic when I was a middle school teacher in Miami. It's on YouTube. One of my old students found it and posted it. So thank you for that.

[Chick McGee]

I'm.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you have to look up blind date Mr. Jackson? Is that the one with Roger Lodge? Yes, with Roger Lodge, bro. I interviewed him once. Yeah. So wait a minute. So on the show, they just fixed you up with someone? Were there. Were there any. Did you have to fill out some kind of a form so they knew what you were all about? How did they link you? Tom, you're being really technical here. Blind Date was in Miami and they recruited me when I was blackout drunk at a nightclub on a weekday. And, well, you were a teacher. You gotta get there the next morning and teach the kids. You heard it? Yeah. You know. You know what it is, Josh? Whenever somebody says it was a different time, that just means it's super illegal now. That's how 2003 or whenever this was, it was just like it was a different time where people didn't have to constantly be surveilled by their phones. But yeah, I went on that date. I was. It just shows you the different mentality towards television. I got so drunk the night before at my local bar, which is called Billy's Pub 2. Shout out to Billy's Pub. It's still there. I got so drunk I had to leave my car at the bar. Oh, this is pre this is pre Uber. Yeah. You know when you're leaving your car at the bar, pre Uber, that means you have to take a taxi. Like, that's everybody. That means we were all in agreement that I should not. And I had to be a blind date the next day.

[Chick McGee]

I just pulled this up on YouTube, and the very first scene is you and this gal in the car, and it says, Albert's checking account 32.46.

[Tom Griswold]

This was that dating show where it would. It had snide comments popping up every now and again. That's funny. Good Lord. I remember this.

[Chick McGee]

Can you see that?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Let me see the. Albert, let me see the young ladies.

[Chick McGee]

Young ladies. He's very attractive.

[Tom Griswold]

You'll like her. She's all elbows. Not an ounce of fat on her. Yeah, you know me. I. I like them. I like them thick. And is she 14? My God, yes. No.

[Chick McGee]

Not at all.

[Tom Griswold]

No. 35. And it needs to be discussed. We're gonna have to turn him in. As Al says, those were different times. Your look is so Miami. Like, the White beach gold chain, silver wash. That's a look, man. You're a baby, man. It is a lot. It's a lot of turquoise shirts, bro.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, she was showing a lot of midriff there.

[Tom Griswold]

That's. Well, that's because there's nothing above the midriff. Now, did she call you. Did she call you Albert, during the date? Or was it Al? I think she. She was crazy town. Like, we got in the car before we. Even before we started the date, and she just gets in the car and she's like. Like, instead of being like, hey, I'm Al. Are you excited about this weird show we're about to do? She just gets in the back of the car when we're putting on mics on. She goes, my effing grandmother think, like, just started, like, a conversation she was having with an aunt or something. I guess her and her. Her grandmother was having an issue at the. And I'm just, like, hungover all. And I am, like, this is a lot right now. It was. I mean, she was. And the thing is, with blind date, if you remember, like, the first, like, you'll see in the scene, it's like me driving the first round, what they want. And then after that, if you ever remember the show, the people would be in the back seat and they'd be being filmed from the passenger seat in the front. That's because they get you hammered in between those two sets. Like, they just take you to a bar and they're like, get whatever you want. That's why, like, the first break, it's always.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, you're a lot happier in the second when you're in the, in the back of the cab. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

That's why, like, when, like, if they match me and Chrissy up, they'd be like, oh, you know, what do you think about? I think he's cute. I think she's cute. And then the second time after they give you drinks and they come back and they're like, if she thinks she's gonna walk all over me. And you're like, yeah. They get you Thanksgiving rage filled on the drunk so that you can find that on YouTube.

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Or you cannot do that. Oh, whoa. Just go about your business today and stay out of mine. Now, Al Jackson is. He calls to enlighten me about contemporary language. And there was a big language news yesterday. I know you guys talked about it on your show, Daily Blast Live. I'm referring to the new words and phrases acknowledged by Dictionary.com. yes, very interesting. Were you familiar with the term grundle? No, but I've heard it. Is that. Does that have to do with your undercarriage? Yes. Willie had heard it in day to day life. I had not. I'd always heard the word taint. Yeah, but I think grundle. Grundle incorporates the entire undercarriage, right? Not just the space between the b hole and the naughties.

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, yeah, that's the forbidden section, but yeah, I thought the grunt. Yeah, I thought the grundle was like the whole part that the bottom part of the diaper gets. I don't know if that's an urban dict dictionary, but I. I thought that's what that was.

[Chick McGee]

Grendel is the perineum. That's exactly what the definition says. Yes, perineum.

[Tom Griswold]

When we were kids, we always called our underwear grundies. See, we called them gruns. You know, I get, I get that. What was your nickname for your underwear, Al? Yeah, Al, we called them drawers Drawers. Put your drawers on drawers. Where are your drawers? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but we weren't drawers. We were draws. Ah, yeah. Go get your draws. Okay. Did you know cake Edge? Did you. This is a good one. This is a good one for Jess Hooker because she's a baker. Yeah, Cake. It's. This is kind of a cool word. You know what it is, Al? I did. I had a guess. You know me. I'm Daddy cakes over here. So I'm gonna cake it. Black. Black men have always used it as almost like A way to. It's almost a way to put somebody down. Like. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Chick gets a lot of dates. He's always caking. It just means, like, you're throwing money around. Oh, okay. Yeah. So that. That's what I always. But I was way off. Yeah. Cakeage is the fee it's charged by a restaurant if you bring a birthday cake in and they have to plate it.

[Chick McGee]

Like corkage.

[Tom Griswold]

I had no idea.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, like cork.

[Tom Griswold]

I doubt if it's very commonly used.

[Chick McGee]

I've taken cakes into a place and never been charged a cake itch.

[Tom Griswold]

But, yeah, that's. Or maybe it was on the bill. You just didn't notice that.

[Chick McGee]

Could be.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. This is the one I really. I like the most liminal space. It's a place characterized by being transitional. The example they give is great. It's like when you go to a school in the summertime and school hasn't been in session for a month or so, and you walk into one of the classrooms and it's this weird transition. Like, the next year's class is going to be coming in. There's no one in there. Yes. Just this kind of space. I love that term. I never knew that there was a term for that feeling. When you go into a room that no one's been in in like four and a half months. Months. And that smell. There's like a. It's a staleness that doesn't smell bad. But I. I don't. I. I didn't believe in energy until I got rid of my ex and I had my homegirl come over here and she saged. And all that kind of stuff you gotta get. I'm telling you, fellas, I know y' all like energy, bro. It's a real thing. And, like, stank energy, dude. It's so. You know what I'm saying, Josh? Where like, somebody can just come in and you're just like. Like, what. What is going on? Like, why is everybody weird in here? And it's like, all it takes is one person's, like, weird energy. So you gotta. That. You gotta sage. That luminal space. I love. That's my. That's my favorite word. I just love being called bro and dude. It's like I belong. I feel welcome for the first time in my life. Al, you got a word for me today? Oh, Tom. I got a couple. Tom. Tom. This one. Let's start with one easy. We're gonna start with an easy one and then the one I want to get to. Tom, tell Tell the whole world that's listening right now what the word janky means. Janky. Oh, now I'm familiar with jiggy and getting jiggy with it. Are you though? Will Smith Willinium Record Is janky something that's sort of not fully put together? It's a little rough half ass, if you will. Like that car's really janky, so odds are it won't start. Tom, stop drilling. You hit oil. We're. That's a one. That's a one for one. Walk off. You just dropped the bat right now. You're trotting around third. Let's keep going. Let's keep this, this home run chase going. Tom, tell everybody in the world how to use the phrase bust down. B U S T D O W N. Wow. Does it involve not having your vehicle working? You gotta go to busta. Is it, is it, is it, is it talking about an area in which for one reason or another, no one has their own car? Or is it too literal? Bust B U s T and then down with a dust town. Okay, Is it a woman who's aging significantly? Is it a woman who is of a certain build that is aged significantly, that gravity has dropped her breasts such that bust down kind of. All right, bust down, everybody. Bust down. Look like softballs and tube socks.

[Chick McGee]

That.

[Tom Griswold]

First of all, that is a look. And you'd be surprised. Some guys like that. Hello. I. I will say. No, you can't use that. It's, it's. It's. There's two ways that you could do a. One's positive and one's negative. You could say, like, you know, Chick and Josh are clowner, but, you know, my gear. It's always. I always wear the bus down. Like I always wear the best of everything. Or you could just mean it in the. In the sense it's probably the most normal, which is just somebody's very unattractive. Like, oh, yeah, you see Tom leave that bus down last night. Yeah. All right. So, Tom, I'm gonna ask you. And I'll. This will be. Choose your own adventure. Will you please enlighten the people of this country, men and women overseas, how to use the word bust down in a sentence? Well, I'm confused because it's got two meanings here. Well, use it in the way he said was sort of the, the main.

[Chick McGee]

The norm.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, it was quite a party. Things were a bit janky, so I had to take public transportation. But when I got there, I had on my finery. I was dressed all bust down.

[Chick McGee]

That's not what he said.

[Tom Griswold]

Even close. I will take it. Come on.

[Chick McGee]

Generous, but the normal way is not that way. The normal way was second.

[Tom Griswold]

It's not, but I sure wish I could have left that. Can you, Christy, can you show us how to use it, please? You sound like you have mastery.

[Chick McGee]

Well, I don't know if I've mastered it, but I think I'm okay. So, Man, I couldn't believe it. I was hanging out with my friend the other night, and, man, she was. She was with this guy, bust down. I couldn't believe it. Get away from him.

[Tom Griswold]

Perfect. Christy steps in like the natural.

[Chick McGee]

Come on.

[Tom Griswold]

Knocks the dirt off her, off of her cleat and. And hits a triple into the gap. I love it. How about this? Christy, your friend, due to the grass stains on her face, I can tell that she took it. Bust down under the bleachers after the game. Bust out, ass up. There's how it's used. Where's the lot? Longitude and latitude talking. Thank you very much, Al. See Al. Watch him on the Daily Blast live, by the way, which is also featured on the. On your computer. Thank you very much. A couple things I wanted to get to. One of them is coming up. It's the Ace Cosby joke of the day. Eights, of course. Ace, of course. Now known as Pizza man. Ace is in a good place today. I'm just trying to squeeze this in because Kiss has announced the final tour dates. Ace and I are gonna go together. Oh, that's fine.

[Chick McGee]

No, you're. There's no.

[Tom Griswold]

Ace and I made a deal when the tour started, we were gonna go see the Kiss show together. Have you guys ever even been to lunch together, the two of you?

[Chick McGee]

One on one?

[Tom Griswold]

I once rode in a car with you. Dinner. You've had dinner? Just the two of you? Oh, that's nice. I believe they'll go to a place.

[Chick McGee]

1989.

[Tom Griswold]

Don't be ridiculous. It was 1983. We're coming right back on this Friday morning with comedian Ralph Harris and umbrellas. Come on back for that here on the Bob and Tom Show. Hey, folks, let me ask you a serious question. Did you know that driving high is considered driving under the influence? That's right. Driving under the influence of marijuana is against the law in every state. That means even in states where marijuana is legal, that means driving high could get you a dui. And if you think law enforcement officers can't tell when you're driving high, well, my friend, you're wrong. If you're high, they can tell your friends can tell. Your co workers can tell. Even your parents can tell. Everyone can tell. So what makes you think that law enforcement officers don't know when you're driving high? You'd be wrong. They can tell, too. Driving under the influence of marijuana can slow your response time and change how you perceive time and speed. So even if you think you're fine to drive when you're high, you're not. Because the bottom line is, if you feel different, you drive different. And driving high is driving under the influence. So remember, drive high, get a dui. Paid for by nhtsa. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back on a Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a segment with comedian Ralph Harris and something about umbrellas. Let's get the COVID on that. Funny. A couple things I want to get off right. Right off the bat, I want to get to Ralph, check local listings. You walked in with an umbrella. Can I say that this is the third time in my adult life where I've been able to find my rain jacket. Yes. And been able to wear it at the appropriate time.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, congratulations.

[Tom Griswold]

Very excited. You know, I can't and that. Can't wear a suit, can't wear a rain jacket. I can't find my range. Because Ralph brought his umbrella in, was concerned about where to put it because he thought someone would steal it.

[Chick McGee]

I keep mine right. Mine's right by the door.

[Tom Griswold]

Did you see it? Yeah. Well, you ain't. See, that's just it. You trust people too much. See, that's where I'm going. That's right, Ralph. This is exactly where I'm going. With umbrella is the perfect example of the creeping socialism in our society. If you leave an umbrella in the main area of this building that you kind of. When you get. Walk in this building, there's like this Glaston area, and I'll walk in, I'll put my umbrella down at 4 in the morning. And then when I go, you know, maybe 11:30, and I go to leave, and it's gone. People take umbrellas because they look like. It's like this commie thing where they have these common cars that people use to plug in, taking up all the good spaces. God, I hate this. Please hang someone responsible for that. I'm sorry. Back to you. Can I make a confession?

[Chick McGee]

Yes. You've done that.

[Tom Griswold]

I've taken the umbrella. You're the guy that takes the umbrella. Not every time, but I've done that. Really? I have like two or three umbrellas.

[Chick McGee]

I always leave My umbrella on days like today, right by the back door here. I've never had any trouble.

[Tom Griswold]

There's a mall in Columbus, the community. Umbrellas in the little bin?

[Chick McGee]

Sure.

[Tom Griswold]

I got three of them in the car, right? Oh, so you're the three of them in the car. Take a penny, leave a couple of. You just take them, right? I'm going to take them back because it's kind of ugly, but it's not ugly, but I'm gonna take them back. I know I'm going back and at some point I put them back in the mall or I put them back. Hotel in the area of the mall. But, you know, I'm never without. Let's just review in your lifetime with the take a penny, leave a penny. What do you think? Which side of that are you on? Have you left more? At least a million dollars. How many have you taken? 2. 7. About 7 pennies the whole time. Because. Because I feel bad when I take them because they're either dirty, you know, I'm like, I ain't touching that. That's dirty. You know. And then I tell the guy, hey, if you get it out of there, then I'll use it. So, you know, that's kind of how I do do. But I've left quarters in that thing, you know, just think umbrellas are just people for some reason feel that they're community property. I'm not comfortable. Well, they are. I mean, especially if you have one that lives.

[Chick McGee]

They kind of are. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, is that what. Is that what goes through your head, Chick, when you take one? Exactly. There are bins in departments. I mean, in these finer hotels have them men's stores. There are a bin. There's a bin of umbrellas as you leave and you take an umbrella. Umbrella, yeah. On the finer. Because their thing is you're coming back and you're going to bring it back when you come back. That's right. And if that never happens, so be it. Right. So be it. I have a 70 umbrella. That's right.

[Chick McGee]

And I paid.

[Tom Griswold]

That's small music. That's good mall music. No, this is the theme for the Communist Party. You commie pigs. You're the ones taking my. Your stuff is my stuff and you paid to taxes and earn the money, but it's all mine.

[Chick McGee]

I can't believe we're actually talking about.

[Tom Griswold]

This because I want free everything.

[Chick McGee]

And I was at a fine hotel over the.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, very nice break. How nice for you.

[Chick McGee]

I was working.

[Tom Griswold]

Who was paying for it? You know what?

[Chick McGee]

No, I was working.

[Tom Griswold]

You know what I've noticed over the years? The fake disgust at each other's success. Success has become real disgust. And I can't be happy.

[Chick McGee]

I was fortunate enough today, this fabulous hotel, because I was hosting an event for them, and they gave me a room, but there was a nice. Nice umbrella. And I said, I thought the same thing. Well, if I'm gonna use the umbrella, I'm gonna be leaving.

[Tom Griswold]

Right, right, right.

[Chick McGee]

Are they gonna charge you for the umbrella?

[Tom Griswold]

And they. Did you take the. Another thing. Did you take the bathrobe, too?

[Chick McGee]

I did not.

[Tom Griswold]

They charge you for those.

[Chick McGee]

I did not. I did not take the umbrella.

[Tom Griswold]

Did you know that not all the bottled water in the room is free? I think there's one bottled water that's free if you take the bottle. And the other one is $75. And it varies. Yeah, yes. Yeah, yeah. They're usually marked pretty well. Right? The other one is from that Tahi water. What the hell's wrong with you? Hey, why don't you continue shutting up, okay? I feel it's my job to bring a little sense of logic to the. Oh, is it? Josh's stuff is yours. Just take it in a room at the nice hotel. She's welcome at tonight Someday we may. This is. This is. This is one of my favorite stories about this radio show. I hate all of you went to. Christy helped me.

[Chick McGee]

We went to the Bahamas.

[Tom Griswold]

No, this was. No, it was in Florida.

[Chick McGee]

We went to Florida.

[Tom Griswold]

It was on the west coast of Florida. It was somewhere near Lovers Key. So we took a whole bunch of people down to Florida and we broadcast our show from there for a week. I almost drowned. As we were checking out. As we were checking out, the general manager of the station, great guy, came up to me. He goes, the people. Those people over there, they had a bill for several thousand dollars for the mini bar. Hear me out on this. What they had done is every day. Every day, every day for whatever it was, five days. They drank everything in the minibar and ate all the candy and all the food, thinking it was complimentary. Oh, my God. And as you know, bag of M and Ms. And the mini bars, eight bucks. Sure. Those little bottles of vodka are 15. What I remember about this. But he had to pay so we could check out of the hotel, whatever. There were 30 of us or something. So a little lesson. And what I remember about that little visit to Florida was that we went down early. I think like a day early. And then the winners came down that Monday afternoon, and I was sitting in the Lobby. And someone's significant other arrived, and it was as if four Diana Rosses were checking in. Lot of bags. A lot of bags. A lot of hubbub, a lot of velvet. Lot of.

[Chick McGee]

Flurry of activity.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow. And if you had been a friend, you would have shot her, Right? Right. A buddy, Ralph, what would a buddy do? Well, you go like this. Gun in the lobby, in the bin of guns. I think we figured out whose spouse that was. I approached that. That gentleman many times to ask him if I could take care of that for him, and he refused. Many times. That's not the takeaway from that.

[Chick McGee]

I don't remember all this stuff.

[Tom Griswold]

The point is, Ralph, if you're gonna bring an umbrella, leave it right behind you. I'm saying someone's gonna take it.

[Chick McGee]

So is that your umbrella right now?

[Tom Griswold]

Did you buy that one? Yeah. Well, you got a receipt? No. I did a big show in, like, somewhere in the country, Wyoming. It's a big golf umbrella. And it was a big fundraiser, and they were giving everybody umbrellas for this ymca big fundraiser. And so they sent me two or three of them. Cause I was like, I like the big golf umbrellas. And I get it. And I go, oh, that's not. That's not a good one. It's kind of cheesy. But you're. So it's in the car. Yeah, well, yeah, they sent me three of them. Now, full disclosure, I have two umbrellas in my garage, and both of them are from golf tournaments, but they give them to me.

[Chick McGee]

Yes, they do give them to me.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't think I've ever. Oh, do you really? You collect? I've never purchased an umbrella. I don't think. When I was younger, we had one umbrella for the whole family, and then it would. And then every time it was my turn, the stitching would be gone on one of the things. So I got the goofy umbrella patches. I'm depending on you, son. The umbrella's broken. My dad picked the cotton for this umbrella. It sounds like a sob story, you commie. No, I just decided that whenever I got my own place, it was gonna be a whole lot of umbrellas. Just like I buy women's, you know, time of the month things and put them in the cabinet. Cause I want people to go, he's got everything I need, you know? Sure. I always had a lot of umbrella.

[Chick McGee]

Men that will admit to using an umbrella, though a lot of men won't.

[Tom Griswold]

Even admit in California. I hardly ever have an umbrella in California. Need one now. But. But. But here I walked, what, three feet from the car to the building, almost drowned. And something said, I'm taking my umbrella. I'm not going in there wet. Not doing that. I am now pro umbrella and pro scarf.

[Chick McGee]

Are you?

[Tom Griswold]

Yes, I wear a scarf.

[Chick McGee]

Welcome to being an adult, Josh.

[Tom Griswold]

I've always loved a scarf. I always liked that. I'm kind of anti. Because, see, we didn't have a scarf in my family when I was little. I bet you'd vote for a president who wore a scarf, wouldn't you?

[Chick McGee]

You know what? Once again, it's because it's around his neck. Chick. He doesn't.

[Tom Griswold]

So he doesn't like the. The feeling. Many times in a previous life. I know, right? Never again. We need to move on. I just. I'm just saying it's not safe to put an umbrella down on the culture we live. And by the way, the really nice hotel you were staying in. Great. Christy.

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

I have found a little formula. The better the hotel, the worse the WI fi. Yeah. It is absolute fact.

[Chick McGee]

I did not use the WI fi there, so probably didn't work.

[Tom Griswold]

I can't quite figure that out. Did you guys see Christie's Christie sized umbrella?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. Mine's really small.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, it's all right. And nobody's ever gonna take it. Did you get it out of a drink? Was this. Was this embellishing? What's the word? A margarita. You wear Barbie clothes? You got wear use Barbie umbrellas?

[Chick McGee]

As a matter of fact, I stole it from a friend.

[Tom Griswold]

Jesus.

[Chick McGee]

So, Michelle, if you're listening, I do have this.

[Tom Griswold]

I think the umbrella has kind of become the give a penny, take a penny tray of our culture. Is that the. So anybody who buys an umbrella is a sucker? Yes. Huh. I bought one. Well, sucker, like a true.

[Chick McGee]

I have purchased umbrellas.

[Tom Griswold]

There was actually a men's website where you like, like the men's version of Sharper Image. So I get this umbrella that's got a light in the. In the shaft of the umbrella. I don't know. I was in New York. If you're walking down the street, people can go, no, there he is. And wait, no. So if you walk in and it's dark because everything is black, then cars will see you if you cross the street. This may be. No. Is this African American Sharper Adventures? This for everybody. Okay, sorry. This was geeky, like on the airplane type of thing, you know, I heard him. I know. Chick. Chick is like, he ain't gonna punch him in the face or nothing. If you're not gonna hit Him.

[Chick McGee]

I'm going to.

[Tom Griswold]

So it's a black light. Technically, I hate you. Thank you. Coming up next hour here on the Bob and Tom Show, Green bean casserole and comedian Dusty Slay. But next, Dave Dyer and Dumb World Records. You don't want to miss it here on the Bob and Tom Show. Shopping is hard, right? But I found a better way. Stitch fix online. Personal styling makes it easy. I just give my stylist my size, style and budget preferences. I order boxes when I want and how I want. No subscription required. And he sends just for me pieces plus outfit recommendations and styling tips. I keep what works and send back the rest. It's so easy. Make style easy. Get started [e-mail] Spotify. That's stitchfix.com Spotify. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show here on a Friday. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Here is a segment with our good friend comedian Dave Dyer. Got some Dumb World records too, coming up in this segment. Thanks very much for joining us. We are in the Napa Auto Parts studios. The blonde is Christy Lee. Our guest is comedian Dave. Dave Dyer. We have a sports extra from Chick McGee. This just handed me. Just a second, Chick. He hasn't introduced me yet. Oh, and I was about to say also in the studio we have. Celebrating his last day. It's Josh Arnold. He'll be. It was a Sam Elliott. Yeah. We have. What do you got over there now? I'm reading this under protest. Thank you. All right, Florida man. Why do you love stories? What's wrong? I'm interested. I'm intrigued. It's a great story. Of all the things that are wrong with you, this is the worst. I think this is fascinating. A Florida man walked three miles on his hands. Three miles to break the record for walking the farthest on his hands in eight hours. That's amazing. Eight hours. 22 year old Ashwin Kalyandurg of Boca Raton. Rat mouth. What made the attempt on. That's what Boca Raton means. The. The mouth of the rat. Tuesday, June 20th. And according to the event organizer, he traveled about 3.17 miles without falling over, besting the former world champion. On your hands. You get to stop. His name has been forgotten. You do?

[Chick McGee]

What do you mean you get to stop? Then that's not a record.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Don't you get to stop? Yeah, if I find. If that's part of it, yeah. If that's the case, I'm out. I was behind you on this. But if he gets to stop. He gets to stop so he doesn't have to walk on his hands for eight hours straight. He gets to. He gets like 20 minute. Kill you. Kill you.

[Chick McGee]

You know what? That's a record.

[Tom Griswold]

Exactly. The former record in 2002 was held by Sarah Chapman. Sarah. That was helpful. Two of his helped tally the distance to submit statements to Guinness, which must verify the accomplishment. The Nova Southeastern University medical student trained for two months by climbing palm trees, doing push ups as well as walking on his hands up and down parking garages. It takes two guys to go alongside him with an odometer to figure out how long it is. Ashwin. No. They set up a course in advance and they measure it and he gets to take like 10 minutes off an hour. Is that right? I don't know what it is exactly, but of course they give him a break. Well, you can't let your blood, you know, rush to the head like that the whole time. Then don't go for the record. Right, but the record should be what's humanly possible. No, as part of the record, it's. You're allowed certain breaks. So unfair. Nope. Well, that's. They set up the rules. All these things have short breaks built. Can you admit that it's. It's less impressive now knowing that there were breaks? Okay. What would you do if you had to, say, use a toilet facility? Well, you'd get your face all spoiled. Shower afterwards. I'm glad you said shower.

[Chick McGee]

I blame the people who hold the world records. They should have made it. The record is the longest you can walk on your hands.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Before you paint.

[Chick McGee]

Before you paint.

[Tom Griswold]

That's probably a different record. I agree. Well, that's the record I'm interested in.

[Chick McGee]

Right.

[Tom Griswold]

This is amazing. That this guy can do this is one of those stories that if I brought this in, he would have gone walking on your head. What's still fascinating. That's not true. Wouldn't have made it more interesting than the fifth draft choice of the Washington Redskins. Which would you'd be talking about all morning? I'm just fighting words Palace. Yeah, I think it's. I think it's pretty cool. Okay. Worst. Do you think you could walk in your hands? 10ft? World. No, I know I couldn't record.

[Chick McGee]

Can you stand on your hands if.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm against a wall?

[Chick McGee]

Well, of course.

[Tom Griswold]

And for how long? Until I pass out. Right. So a full minute probably. Or showers himself. Or until you shat and it ends up on your face. This guy. This is great. He did this. He raised money for research for Hospitals. You're really behind this guy? I think it's cool. Oh, yeah. Like, he got money on it. He went. No. He went more than three miles walking on his hands. Well, I'm kind of. He's allowed to have a little bit of exercise. I'd like to see him do that on a treadmill for 10 minutes. I bet he could, while I'm shooting paintballs at him. Well, here's the stupidest. World record. Records. World record for cramming yourself and your friends into something dumb. Cars, phone booth. Right. Things like that. What's the what? Do we have any of them? No, these are just what the records are. We don't. Oh, okay. The most rejected manuscript, by the way, we do have audio of Geronimo jumping out of a plane from Hot Shots, part du. Oh, yeah? You want to hear this? Yep. Once again, Geronimo. I think other people jump out first, and then he jumps. Okay. Geronimo. Geronimo. Me. Okay. There you go.

[Chick McGee]

He's not even outside. The guy's in a room, and he's just walking back and forth across the room.

[Tom Griswold]

He's practicing. And. What does he have on his hands?

[Chick McGee]

Gloves?

[Tom Griswold]

Some kind of hand. None of you could walk a hundred feet on your hands. None of us need to. That's why you're not in the record book, Dave. Largest smurf collection. Largest smurf. Most spiders on your body for 30 seconds. No, I don't want to hear about that. No. That's disgusting. That isn't a record. That takes no skill. 125 golden orb spiders. Oh, boy.

[Chick McGee]

He goes to one side of the room, then he stands, he does it, and then he gets back up.

[Tom Griswold]

He's a real hero.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, back and forth, back and forth.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that. That's not the record, is it? Yes, I mean, the record. So he's in a room, and they count how many times he goes back and forth, and then they add that as 3.3.17.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

There's a guy, without a doubt, the worst piece of crap you've ever brought in here. I take it back. I thought he was outside. Going up and down curbs, avoiding avoidance, avoiding dog poop, avoid. I. You thought he was in, like, the heart of Manhattan? No, I thought he was in Boca Raton going down. He's in a room with a carpeted floor with protective coverings on his hands.

[Chick McGee]

And there's a guy.

[Tom Griswold]

10 minutes of a break an hour.

[Chick McGee]

There's a guy with a pencil, and he's putting down the hashtag, you Know how you just. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and then. I'm not kidding. I'm not making this up.

[Tom Griswold]

I, I, I take withdraw the, I withdraw the entire story. It's too late. Too late. Damage done. It's in the book. Books. Is he wearing shoes? I'm just not a curious kind of. He's wearing his hands on his feet. He is wearing shoes, right?

[Chick McGee]

I thought it was.

[Tom Griswold]

So does he have some kind of specialized gloves for the. Yeah, I'm telling you. Yes, they are.

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Where do you get those? How many of those are you gonna sell in a year?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, walking your hands all day long. You need the new Rawlings. Yeah, he's got some core strength. It's impressive, but not.

[Chick McGee]

He's got terrible form as a former gentleman gymnast. His form is awful.

[Tom Griswold]

Nike air hand. Fine. I take it back. I thought he was walking in the streets. I didn't realize he was inside. And yeah, that sucks. Stupid record. Dumbest record ever. Nice soft vacuumed carpet.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Air conditioning. Probably having a hot dog and a milkshake when he takes a break. Here I thought he was dodging bubble gum and dog poop. Yeah, me too. And then I thought, like Chick said, then he has to go to the bathroom. Oh, well, he can break. He go to the bath. He can go to a conventional toilet. No, no good. I, I, I'm out. Now this is my favorite stupid one. It won't be Tom's, but this is a man spent 16 years typing out the numbers from 1 to 1 million. Oh, it took him 16 years. Yep. Lee Les Stewart, man who had to check them. Largest dog wedding. 178 dogs. 178 couples. Why don't you live a little? Get away from the typewriter. Do something fun. Yeah. Most snails on your face. That'd be 43. I got the heebie jeebies. Thank you. Fastest bed maker, 74 seconds. Oh, boy. We talked about loudest scream, 129 decibels. Fastest kick to the groin, 22 miles an hour. And Tom's favorite record, the most number of candles extinguished by farts.

[Chick McGee]

Are you serious?

[Tom Griswold]

Flame up. It is five. They actually show. Is that so?

[Chick McGee]

They have to be all at once.

[Tom Griswold]

He has a tube. He has a hollow tube coming out of his bottom and pointed at the candles. And when he lets go, he can direct the wind and it blows the. I'll tell you what. Blows the candles out. You don't want any pieces of his birthday cake. Yeah, but is he, he, he's. This cage, is it Five at one pass or is it. I don't know. Yeah. Wow. Somebody. Do you think he has a bong at home? He's wearing like genie pants. You know what? Those pants. Those pants are sharp. They are. They tie off at the. They tie off at the ankle. Well, I guess so. They're probably. They probably are genie PA pants.

[Chick McGee]

It keeps the sand out.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, it keeps probably going up. Exactly. Unless he has some kind of a special vent for his tube. Can you imagine going to the hardware store for that? Yeah. Listen, I need some pvc. I'm going to be blowing farts out with. I need a three quarter. Let me ask you this. If he called the show and said, can I come to the studio? Oh, yes. You would say, absolutely. He's a world record. I'd get a limo for this guy. We're rocking on a Monday morning. Coming up in just a few minutes, comedian Dusty Slay. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Next role with Vernon Davis. The transformative journeys of athletes, artists and entrepreneurs. We have very special guests. Ladies and gentlemen, Devon Franklin. Whether it's the movies I'm doing, whether it's the TV shows, I just tap into the truth. That's what I bring to every project. Project. Ladies and gentlemen, Isaac Keys. People always ask, how did you make it to the NFL? How you get into acting. There's a story behind all of that. It's about whether you're willing to tell your story or not. Next roll isn't about what's next, it's about why they do it. Next roll with Vernon Davis. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. More of the Bob and Tom Show. Now the best of the Bob and Tom show here on a Friday. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a segment with comedian Dusty Slay. Here's Tom with a special guest. We are joined in the studio by the very handsome, very hairy Dusty Sleigh. All right, Dusty, good to see you. If it weren't for the glasses in the cap, I'd say you look like Jesus. Well, I get that a lot and I like it. I'm into it. Feels good.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Feels good. Yeah. You're looking good. We had. You're a Southern gent and you may appreciate this. We've been talking about this story, I've been obsessed with it all morning. About this pitcher at Mississippi State that throws with both arms and he throws well with both arms. 96 mile power fast forward with his right. 92 mile per hour fastball with his left. Wow. Well, that's Amazing. I hope he does it at the same time.

[Chick McGee]

Wouldn't that be something?

[Tom Griswold]

Whoa. This guy writes. I know a guy that can bowl both lefty and righty and score between 180 and 200 every time. Wow, that's cool. Yeah, that's. That's interesting. Hi. Molly from Sioux Falls, S.D. when my daughter was 13, started playing softball where we all. I. She could pitch and hit both right and left handed. So I. That's great. Yeah. Very, very cool. I'd like to see this and see how he does. Some guy sent me an email. He said he. He throws left handed a football, throws right handed a baseball. Oh, no kidding. He can't explain it. Dustin, do you play sports at all? Yeah. I'm also equally good with both arms. Just not very good. You're at the same level of poorness. Yes. Both of them. Yeah, there you go. You can't even tell what arm I am now. Where did you grow up? I grew up in Alabama. Town called Opelika, Alabama. I grew up in a trailer park. Opelika. And that's great. My trailer park's gone. It's very sad, but it actually is just woods now, which looks better than what it used to be, but still sad. Opalaka. Opa. Opalaka. You don't have much of an accent anymore. You think? Is that from being on the road so much? I don't know what happened to me. I moved to Charleston, South Carolina, where I lived for a long time. I waited tables. Seafood restaurant called. Called Hyman's.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, yeah, Nice, Nice place.

[Tom Griswold]

Located on the same block as a restaurant called Sticky Fingers. That is true.

[Chick McGee]

Yep.

[Tom Griswold]

And a bar called the Bicycle Scene. Dusty Slay is our. Our guest. And we talked to you on the. On the TV not too long ago, but we haven't seen you in a few years. Yeah, it's been a while. Did you have to take a lot of time off during the pandemic, off the road? Well, I didn't really. I took off two months, and then a club in Texas called me and asked would I come there? And I said, yes, I will. So I went. May of 2020. I did a club in Dallas, Texas. Okay. And back up and running. Yeah, I mean, I was ready to go. I had never had two months off of work. I didn't know what to do with myself, and I needed to make money.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

No one was sending me money. I wasn't. You know, it was like comedy was how I made a living. So I was like, I gotta go to work. Yeah, we got a good tick tock story for you. Or it's kind of a selfie story, really. This first one. Did you see the thing about the alligator? Alligators have been getting some bad. A bad rap lately since they don't like doing things like grabbing old ladies at the side of a pond in Florida and dragging them into their death. I don't make people turn talk. Yeah, we had this one this morning that is rather disturbing.

[Chick McGee]

A pair of visitors to Florida's Everglades national park are under fire for taking a selfie next to a huge alligator. Torons of Yellowstone, an Instagram account that highlights bad behavior at US National Parks, posted a photo of a boy and an older man lying down on a paved path taking a selfie with a large alligator lying just a few feet behind them. The accompanying caption reads, twiddly Dee and Twiddly Dumb are on the menu.

[Tom Griswold]

This alligator is right behind them. Yeah. They lived, though, didn't they?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, they did.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Did nothing? Did anything happen? Yeah. To me, those guys, they proved it's okay to do this. You know what? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. You always hear about the alligators who attack somebody. You never hear about the alligators who moving their own business. The complacent gator. That's exactly right. They might be developing a taste for morons once they taste these guys. Especially after the one. The story yesterday was so disturbing. Were there. Were there gators where you were an Alabama. No, there were in South Carolina. I threw a rock at an alligator one time in a lake, and a guy got mad at me. What did he say? Well, he was just like, mad that, you know, I guess. I don't know. I was pretty redneck, I guess, you know, And I. I just had not seen an alligator before and I wanted to see it move.

[Chick McGee]

Yes, okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes, fair enough. It was just floating in the water and I threw and it did move. We did get it to move, but, you know, he was so mad, but he was out there fishing. I'm like, you're stabbing. Stabbing fish in the mouth and you're mad at me for throwing a rock. That was a golf tournament on yesterday. We were at a restaurant.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Did you see that alligator? Yeah. Willie and I were at a restaurant for Hart's birthday. My little. One of my little girls. And there was. Yeah, it's a beautiful golf course. And they cut away like in the TV show Survivor. They always cut and they'll show the exotic snakes and everything. So they're at this golf course. And they. There's this giant alligator head on the screen. Huh. Right there. And there was a guy up on the bank, not that far away. He was doing the two chair thing. He was sitting in one, had his legs in another.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Just hanging out this selfie. These guys are a good five feet away. It's a smaller gator. I'm. I do not. I don't. I would have done that.

[Chick McGee]

You would have done that for the gram.

[Tom Griswold]

Hell, yeah. Well, and I don't know.

[Chick McGee]

You seen it, chick.

[Tom Griswold]

That's. Yeah, I see. That's. I mean, didn't we find out an alligator can run 35 miles an hour on land?

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

I have to want to. I think it's 55. Okay, well, whatever it is, Josh, you couldn't get up quick enough before that thing would have your. Your ass in its mouth. You're right. But I would wrestle it. Maybe he figures if I'm already that close, might as well get the. Do you hear what he did? He. He got it around to you and you're not going to be able to get up in time. That's because Josh is. One says he would be stupid enough to do that. No. Do you know why he loves this? Because this is an Instagram account for tattletales. It is people online making fun of other people for doing dumb stuff. Just rats. That's all it is. Hey, teacher. Someone broke the rules of recess. You should put them in trouble. Dusty, would you do that? Well, I'd like to see their personal account to see how many likes it got. It was very popular maybe. You know what I mean? We're all out here trying to get our likes. Well, I guess arguably it's gone viral.

[Chick McGee]

Viral, yeah, it sure has.

[Tom Griswold]

But they're getting shamed. Wrongfully so. But as a comic, though, a little bit of shame for something like that could sell tickets. That ultimately is what it's all about.

[Chick McGee]

It's all marketing, isn't it?

[Tom Griswold]

People already say I look like the. The. I don't know, I forget the guy's name, but the Tiger man or whatever. Oh, Joe Exotic. The Jo. Exotic. Yeah. Tiger King.

[Chick McGee]

What?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, they say. I don't know. People were. When that came out, I was getting a lot of Tiger King comments. Well, that Tiger King had blunt. Well, dyed blonde hair, I guess. But yeah, he had kind of a long hair. You have. You have a full beard, glasses, hair down to your nips. I mean, you don't look like the tiger. Yeah, I would get. I get that a lot I was getting it a lot. They would say, I'm getting a lot of Tiger King vibes off this guy. That's what random comments would say. Oh, now I'm trying to remember. Are you a dad? I am a dad. Yeah. I have a baby that's almost 2, 21 months. But everyone makes fun of me for saying months. But I just think that if, you know, technically she's one. Right. So if I said she's one, she's a lot different at 21 months than when she was one.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

So it's fun. You know, my wife likes to childproof the house and not let us have change laying around so the baby won't eat change. I ate change one time as a kid. It was fine. I pooped it out. My dad had to dig through the poop and find the change. And I felt like he deserved it, you know? Yeah, he definitely earned it, didn't he? Yeah, he left me with a baby. My dad had joint custody of me where he would see me like two times, four days a month. And he had me with a babysitter because he had a date. And I'm like, you deserve to dig through a little poop. I see. Did he. Did he. Did he put it in the same colander that he strained the spaghetti in? I don't know. I don't know how he did it. I think he. I think he just had to go in there with the fingers. He said they were very shy to pennies. I guess my body really cleaned them up like some demented gold panner. Just. It's in here. I know it's. Our guest is a comedian, Dusty Slay. Christy Lee is at the Bob and Tom news desk. You got a short one for me?

[Chick McGee]

Let's see. Yeah, I have this story. A man dressed in a seven foot tall penis costume was arrested in Brazil for harassing women.

[Tom Griswold]

Have you seen the picture of this? Hey, hey, lady.

[Chick McGee]

I don't know why he needed the costume. He's already a dick.

[Tom Griswold]

But seriously. Oh, isn't it carnival or something?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. Military police in Rio de Janeiro detained the man in the city center for acting suspiciously. I guess carnival goers in the city told police the men have been using his giant penis costume to chase women taking part in the city's carnival parades. A picture of the arrest shows the man wearing the brown inflatable phallus costume.

[Tom Griswold]

Get back here.

[Chick McGee]

But he's wearing flip flop flops.

[Tom Griswold]

Right above the flip flops, though. He. He's about, what, 20% nuts? And it's it is a sort of a dark, deep brown valus. Oh, okay. What do you mean.

[Chick McGee]

They all live?

[Tom Griswold]

And was it. Would you say it was seven feet tall?

[Chick McGee]

Yes, sir.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay. There's a white version that's five' five. The same custom. I'm looking online here for this. He's acting suspiciously.

[Chick McGee]

He's chasing women.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay. Business. What carnival is all about, though.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, but you don't dress as a penis. And harassment.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, even. And if you do, I don't know that you chase women. Yeah, like animal from the Muppets.

[Chick McGee]

This guy, it looks more like a turd than a P. It is not.

[Tom Griswold]

That's a very dark brown.

[Chick McGee]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

I got to believe he has a lot of success with it. No, this is like that. That basketball coach we had who would said he was afraid of flying. And he took the RV around the company, around the country, and because he said, yeah, he couldn't get on there. Well, he is getting a. This is peacocking, but, well, let's pee more. Yeah. And he'd go to sorority parties at the game at the place they were playing. And it must have worked because he kept doing it, and it turned out it did work. I guess there were pictures. You're saying at one point this actually must dressing up like a penis. Evidently worked. Worked at it. Wow. That's what he would do in the rv, this coach. He's saying that he's like, listen, I'm afraid of flying, but also, there's some other benefits. That's right. There's a bed in my car. I wasn't lying about it. Right. Now we return to the news desk with Christy Lee. What else is happening?

[Chick McGee]

Archaeologists have found what is likely the oldest known full sentence carved into an ancient head. Lice cone.

[Tom Griswold]

Really?

[Chick McGee]

The inscription on the 3,700-year-old artifact encourages people to comb their hair and beards to read them, rid themselves of lice. The sentence contains 17 letters that read, may this tusk root out the lice of the hair and the beard.

[Tom Griswold]

Interesting. One of those.

[Chick McGee]

Experts say the discovery shines new light on some of humanity's earliest use of. Of the Canaanite Alphabet, which was invented around 1800 BC and is the foundation of all successfully alphabetical.

[Tom Griswold]

Alphabetical.

[Chick McGee]

Successive alphabetic systems.

[Tom Griswold]

System. Sure you knew that you were saying yesterday, what was it? Why is this a new story? Weren't you saying that yesterday you and I were discussing how oftentimes Christy will find these nothing stories? This is one of the first sentence ever written. And it's on. First of all, that's got to be an unbreakable comb if it's been around for thousands of years. You're fascinated by hair and combs, aren't you? Language.

[Chick McGee]

They found microscopic evidence of head lice on the comb. It's made out of ivory. By the way.

[Tom Griswold]

How bad was the lice that the first sentence, get rid of this lice. Use this. You think they could make sense for the DNA out of the lice and make a brand brand new lice here and like. Like a Jurassic lice type deal? I assume it's. It's for men apparently. Because it says. Doesn't it say something? Your hair and your beard.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, sure.

[Tom Griswold]

That doesn't mean a woman couldn't use it.

[Chick McGee]

A woman can use it.

[Tom Griswold]

What are they supposed to just be lousy?

[Chick McGee]

Lousy with lice?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, that's where the term lousy comes from. But lice back then were like 7, 8 inches tall. They sure were. But I mean to think that's sort of like the first instructive sentence of all. You think it would be something they don't know?

[Chick McGee]

No, of course.

[Tom Griswold]

What's the first one they found? What do you think the first sentence was? Isn't it? Wasn't it? What's the old joke? Stand back, babe. I don't know how big this thing gets. Okay. Wasn't that one of them?

[Chick McGee]

What was your suggestion?

[Tom Griswold]

We've been trying to reach you about getting in a. Your car. An extended warranty. Some kind of sales pitch. I think it's fascinating that are the name of the barber shop.

[Chick McGee]

I don't think.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey. Courtesy of Frank's barber, Cave. Come on down and we'll. Barber Cave. That's a little bit of fun. Who wouldn't go to a barber? Cave, did you go to a barber that had the red, white and the. The stripe out front as a kid? Of course. I feel like one of those. Do you still go to like a traditional barber? Dusty? I don't really go get my hair cut much at all. So when you do want to trim, do you do it yourself? I just try to find someone. I go, hey, can you cut this okay? Yeah. Your hair is down to your nipples. Pretty much.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

It's getting long. It's serious. I let it get a little too long and then I go get it cut too much to where it feels like I don't like it. And then it just grows for a while. Okay. You know, get it cut in a way that it almost like has bounce to it, which I don't like. But I'M like, this will get me by for another six months here.

[Chick McGee]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

That's what I like to do. You see, the top of his head is glorious. Thick head hair. Unbelievable. Yeah. He took his cap off and he wears a hat. Yeah. Not a hint of paint. No. Yeah. No skin up there. No. I've got quite a page growing. Yeah, you do. Sort of that skin yamaka thing.

[Chick McGee]

It's okay.

[Tom Griswold]

It's nice. It's a scam. It is a sc. The. The tonor. Look, if. If you will, you pull it off. Well, if you had like a pompadour, I think that would be. Actually, you know what? I said it in my head. I saw it. I love it. I love Josh with the pompadour. Get a pompadour wig. Just one day, grow it all out. Then comb it like. Oh, do a comb over. Yeah. Oh, just this part here. And then Mark Sweeney, I want like a little behind the scenes. Like one gray thing going back and then Superman curl in the front. That'd be hot for me. You know, Sweeney has, like, bangs and then there's nothing. Yeah, He. He combs it all back. Oh, like a fryer kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're real weird looking. Yeah. Ted Danson has that. But he wears the tube, if you've ever seen him without the tube. Is that right? Yeah, he still has the bangs. Well, he combs it back, but yeah. Yeah. Now we're discussing hair because our guest has such a great head of hair. Yeah. And always. Do you always wear a cap on stage as well? I do always wear it on stage. I don't know. I started wearing it one time and then it seems like my career took off when I started wearing a hat. So now I never do comedy without it. Okay, okay. It's. I feel like it's my disguise. I can. If I don't want to be recognized, I just don't wear the hat. Oh, yeah, there you go. Yeah. You know, because, you know, very famous now, and it's just hard to navigate life out here. It's a curse. Yes. Now, are you an actor as well? No, I don't like acting. I mean, I, you know, I'm not very good at it. And then it's like I did an audition once in la and it's like this. This lady was just right in front of me that I was auditioning for, and she did a lot of. And I had my thing memorized pretty well, but she did these, like, big facial expressions, and I was just not ready for that I'm like, I don't know what we're doing in here, but I was in la. My. My agent was like, why don't you just go audition? So I did, but I don't like it. I don't know what it is. I've created the best character that I can be, and I don't need to be others. You know what I mean?

[Chick McGee]

Sure.

[Tom Griswold]

Very good. Now. And they're not hiring me. Oh, there's also that part. You have a specific look. Yeah, that would be. You do.

[Chick McGee]

What would you cast Dusty in?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, wait a minute. Stand by for an insult. Go ahead. No, I mean, you could be in the 70s. You could be hippie. Yeah. You can just switch. Switch glasses, get into that. Maybe they do a Matthew McConaughey reboot. What was that movie? Dazed and Confused? They do a reboot. I could be the. All right, all right, all right. As the guy at, like, sort of a rundown filling station in a horror movie. And the teens pull up in their van and they go, hey, we're going camping in those woods. And you go, those are his woods now. I like that. The harbinger of doom. But then his is me. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bingo. Did you ever go without the beard? Yeah, I did the beard for a long time. I used to have. I had slick back hair and no beard for a long time. Time. My friend says it was my Rachel Maddow look. I'm doing that right now under the hat. You can't see it, but I look like I'm on msnbc. We are coming right back on this Friday morning. We're going to talk profile names and green bean casserole. Yum. This is the Bob and Tom Show. US Soccer reality says the odds are stacked against us. To think our U.S. men's National Team can ever raise the world's biggest troph, be the first soccer team to beat them at football. Never. But here's the thing about us. Refusing to accept reality is kind of our thing. Being unrealistic, that's not a flaw. It's a force. It's fuel. Because if you want to be great and make history, never chase reality. Join us, soccer insiders today. Be part of the journey. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. Here on a Friday. Don't forget to visit Steven singer [e-mail] and find out why he's the most trusted jeweler in America and the most hated jeweler in America by other jewelers. That's. I hate Stephen Singer dot com. Do you have enough green bean casserole over Christmas? Well, here's some more for you. And some profile names are discussed. Let's get back to it. Welcome back to. That's your profile. You can still talk. I can talk with nuts in my mouth. Christy just shouted out nuts in her mouth. Yeah, that's. That could. Good. Probably profile name. Welcome back.

[Chick McGee]

Pecan. Pecan. Do you say pecan or pecan?

[Tom Griswold]

Pecan. We have found ourselves here in the Napa Auto Parts Studios. Thanks for joining us. Our engineer today is Christopher. Thank you, Christopher. Morning to Chick McGee. That's Josh. I'm Tom. And then Christy Lee is right there. We've been working on Christy's love profile for her match.com thing.

[Chick McGee]

We've been talking about a lot of things. We were talking about burrito butts earlier, by the way. I'm not the only one who doesn't eat the burrito.

[Tom Griswold]

What? That's the worst part. That's the worst part of the Internet. You can. You can get anything verified.

[Chick McGee]

My Twitter followers are my Twitter followers.

[Tom Griswold]

All of them. Yeah. Three. Oh, three. Three people. Oh, there you go. Out of the 60,000, you have the burrito. But either the burrito, but as you pointed out, Josh, it collects all of the juices. Yeah, yeah. Flavor. And it feels. There's a good texture to it. It's very chewy. And as you explained, interestingly enough, there are two. Two butts on a burrito right now. And Christy, you claim to cut them off.

[Chick McGee]

I. I ripped the top one off because I don't like all that flour. It's extra calories.

[Tom Griswold]

If you're on a first date with a guy and you had a burrito start whacking away at the food.

[Chick McGee]

First of all, I wouldn't eat a burrito on a first date because that could be probably.

[Tom Griswold]

You're holding it. You're holding a second date. If you did, you're holding hands. I will never. Forget. Forget. We all went to lunch one day and they went to. What would you have Chrissy? Go. I only have a baked potato. Dry.

[Chick McGee]

I don't do that anymore.

[Tom Griswold]

You're a liar.

[Chick McGee]

I don't eat baked potatoes.

[Tom Griswold]

Because you have very small hands. Yeah, even dry. She doesn't even. You have very small hands. I can see you gripping that potato, holding it vertically.

[Chick McGee]

You mean the burrito.

[Tom Griswold]

Burrito. What did I open? See, you interrupted. And three. So you've got this burrito in your hand, and then do you take your hands or do you bite it off.

[Chick McGee]

And No, I just rip the top of it off and set this.

[Tom Griswold]

Doesn't that damage the integrity of the burrito? Of course it does rip it to shreds, structurally. Yeah, because cantilevered. Okay, so you're saying it's essentially like biting it. When you bite it, it doesn't necessarily damage the integrity.

[Chick McGee]

Right.

[Tom Griswold]

Huh.

[Chick McGee]

I just don't.

[Tom Griswold]

When you get down to the end, though, you've got all that. What did you call it? Coagulated juices or something? Yeah. You got the sour cream will pull down there and you get extra meats sometimes. Say is all you guys? Anybody, everybody, everyone north of what, Guyana? All you prospective guys out there, keep listening to this dry baked potato lady, okay?

[Chick McGee]

Actually, I'm. I do not do a dry. I do do sour cream on a baked potato. I like that a lot.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, Pat, what do you have in mind over there? Well, I feel you guys really maybe have angered that beaver lady yesterday. So I thought. I thought I'd kiss a little butt. The beaver. We have to explain the beaver lady. I've got to make that donation. Remind me, when I got off here, the beaver lady is she adopted a little baby beaver that was gonna die because it had been orphaned.

[Chick McGee]

Right.

[Tom Griswold]

And there's a video of the beaver making dams in her house out of household goods. It's really funny. Now, you don't want to have that in your nickname for your profile.

[Chick McGee]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

Really?

[Chick McGee]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Tom Griswold]

Have some fun with it.

[Chick McGee]

What?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Beaver eater. Beaver eater. Hot beaver. Beaver. Beaver Canyon. Yeah. Guys are awful Nice beaver.

[Chick McGee]

I don't expect that from you.

[Tom Griswold]

He's quoting from the movie. Interesting. So we. We need to grab a couple quick news stories here. If you have a good idea for a suggestion for Christie's profile nickname on one of these. Sloppy Beaver.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, come on.

[Tom Griswold]

I didn't know that we were done.

[Chick McGee]

Jeez.

[Tom Griswold]

Beaver hanging.

[Chick McGee]

You know what?

[Tom Griswold]

Never tell these guys what you want to do. That's the. These guys.

[Chick McGee]

Easy, innocent one standing over there on my team.

[Tom Griswold]

I suggested a short stack. Yeah, that was a good.

[Chick McGee]

You said short stack. 69, right?

[Tom Griswold]

Patootie. I checked. I checked in. There are 60 other short stacks out there.

[Chick McGee]

Are they really?

[Tom Griswold]

There's 68 others. I'm sorry, Christy, what's happening at the news desk?

[Chick McGee]

Well, it's a very sad day for those of us who are fans of the green bean casserole.

[Tom Griswold]

Why? Is it illegal now?

[Chick McGee]

No, but.

[Tom Griswold]

Embargo. Embargo. We can't buy green bean one month.

[Chick McGee]

Before the casserole's customary Time to shine. Thanksgiving. The woman who created it has passed away.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't. I don't see why this hurts. Anything?

[Chick McGee]

Dorcas Riley, 92. Dorcas D, O R, C, A, S.

[Tom Griswold]

You could be Dork. That's your profile. You could be Dorky. Beaver. Dorcas Beaver. Or Darkest. How do you spell Dorcas? I embrace my stupidity. Is that a common name? Fell down the stairs again. Isn't there, like. Is there, like a Dorcas Circle or something at church and things? I don't know.

[Chick McGee]

I've nevercus. What?

[Tom Griswold]

That's child abuse to name your kid Dorcas. Well, it was 92 years ago. You said, what, 92 years ago? This is my daughter Dorcas, and my son, Gay bae. And here's just any grade school incident.

[Chick McGee]

The name Dorcas is a Greek baby name. Meaning gazelle.

[Tom Griswold]

Means Dorcas.

[Chick McGee]

Dorcas is from the New Testament. She apparently abounded in good deeds and gifts of mercy and was a charitable woman.

[Tom Griswold]

That's why there's Dorcas.

[Chick McGee]

Raised from the Dead by St. Peter.

[Tom Griswold]

Raised from the dead.

[Chick McGee]

She was raised by the. She was raised from the dead by St. Peter.

[Tom Griswold]

A dead beaver. Dead Peter. I'm sorry. So why is Dorcas in the news again? She did what?

[Chick McGee]

Dorcas Riley, 92, invented the green bean casserole. She died Oct. 15.

[Tom Griswold]

She invented the green bean casserole. How is this a news story? Seriously? No, it is. I saw it online. NBC last time.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, it's a big story.

[Tom Griswold]

Sad news. Today for Thanksgiving dinner, Duckus will be buried in a covered dish rather than a casket. Lester. What? Can you imagine going to this lady's funeral? How many people are gonna bring. It'll be.

[Chick McGee]

Everyone will have a green bean casserole.

[Tom Griswold]

Everyone will bring a green bean casserole. Oh, God, I love green bean casserole. Yeah, but if it's. Maybe if it's made with fresh green beans. Almost has too much cream of mushroom soup.

[Chick McGee]

Canned green beans are fine.

[Tom Griswold]

And cre. Mushrooms. Yes. I think you have to go. I think you have to go. Canned with green bean casserole. I've never made it. What did Dorcas say? What about the French onion?

[Chick McGee]

French. The. The durkies? French onions.

[Tom Griswold]

Durkies. French onions. Dorkus. Did Dorkus use Durkies? Darkish and Dirky. Darkest. Dirky. Green Dorkus. My other daughter, Dingus. And then there's Bupkis. My son, Poindexter.

[Chick McGee]

And.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, Crack liquor. Brother. Here comes. Here comes Poop. Eater. These are my children. I'm an insane man.

[Chick McGee]

He's a lovely woman.

[Tom Griswold]

That's poop eater. Poop eater. Now, poop eater is spelled pup. I don't want it to be weird. Right? It's from the Old Testament. People think it's puppy or. That'd be sick.

[Chick McGee]

Dorcas. Dorcas Riley invented the classic green bean casserole when she worked in the Campbell Soup Company test kitchen. Invented and remains a staple of Thanksgiving Day dinners across the country.

[Tom Griswold]

I've got five. But she dumped crap together.

[Chick McGee]

Cream of mushroom soup, cooked green beans, bit of milk, soy sauce and pepper.

[Tom Griswold]

I spilled the. The soup and the green beans. I just call it a casserole. We'll choke it down at Thanksgiving. Get out of here. Early today. No turkey for me. I'm saving all my room for green beans pie. No, thanks. Give me a second helping. A green bean. Oh, my God. See, Dorcas at one time was eating green beans and went. You know what would make these taste better? The worst soup on the market. Cream of mushroom. We got lots of it lying around.

[Chick McGee]

I want you guys to know that Campbell's has come out with a new cream of mushroom with shiitake and portobello mushrooms in it.

[Tom Griswold]

That'd be another terrible name for the 1 percenters who like green bean casserole.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, my. Shut your mouth.

[Tom Griswold]

Hi, my name is Dorcas Shitake Casserole. I want you to know that label's going to throw. You think shiitake mushroom soup. Oh, this just. This is more sad news. Dorothy Ambrosia just passed away. The jello marshmallow salad queen, Dingus Waldorf. Also.

[Chick McGee]

These are awful people.

[Tom Griswold]

She's going to be. Seriously, Tom. We're awful people. I just read here this. Hang on a second. She is going to be. She's gonna be buried under a pile of crispy French onions. They gotta be just. Just a couple of them. Have to be kind of blackened. Yeah. I will give you this. We were talking off the air. We were talking about tuna noodle casserole the other day.

[Chick McGee]

Yes. And I went home and made that.

[Tom Griswold]

Campbell's cream of mushroom soup noodles and a can of tuna. But you gotta have the top has to be crispy. Got to bake it.

[Chick McGee]

You got put. You mix some breadcrumbs with butter, pour it on the top, bake it 5 minutes.

[Tom Griswold]

Dirky. French onions on the top. Turkey.

[Chick McGee]

French onions. Isn't it. Am I making that up?

[Tom Griswold]

What do they call it when you go to. You spend all night and you go to one person's house for one dish, and then you go to the next person's house for progressive. Hell, yeah. The progressive awful. The green bean casserole is always a staple of the progress.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. The Dirky French onions.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, yeah. Well, the golf carts are pulling into Bob's house with he got green bean casserole. I'm going back to the last place. I want more pie. Yes.

[Chick McGee]

What do you do for fun?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, no, you're right, Christy. I go home. You know what? This weekend's gonna get crazy. I got my glass casserole dish. I'm gonna invent some stuff. Green beans. What's the worst soup I've got? Crack those. Mushroom soup. What else can I throw?

[Chick McGee]

Go take it to your neighbor. Be neighborly. Say, hey, you want.

[Tom Griswold]

If my neighbor brought me a pan or a dish of green bowl. Green bean, I'd go look at this and just let it go. And it would fall onto the porch gravity and shatter and.

[Chick McGee]

No, you wouldn't.

[Tom Griswold]

We're rocking on a Friday, and we're coming right back with Josh going to a buffet and comedian Greg Hahn. But next, Mount Everest and Pat goes on a second date. Come on back. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. It's a Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. This is the best of the Bob and Tom Show. Here's a segment about Mount Everest, and we're going to find out what happened when Pat went on a second date. You know that we've. Speaking of that we've been mispronouncing Mount Everest. Mount. Mount Everest is not Mount Everest. It's supposed to be Mount Everest. Is that right? The gentleman who discovered it. That's what I'm being told by my buddies at Metal Floss. That's right. Night. We've all been mispronouncing Mount Everest. Name. Colonel Sir George Everest. Well, which is it? Colonel or Sir Colonel George Everest in 1865, a Welsh surveyor and geographer. Well, you know, gerrymandering technically would be gerrymandering. If you want to get into that whole thing. A lot of. But a lot of that stuff becomes accepted with the wrong pronunciation. That's good to know. Or do we have Mount Everest in the news? No, we have. Naked on Everest Forest.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. Oh, playing golf.

[Tom Griswold]

Boy, that'd be cool. No, there's this. Wait a minute.

[Chick McGee]

That's a body issue.

[Tom Griswold]

I bet they've hit a golf ball off the summit.

[Chick McGee]

You think?

[Tom Griswold]

Ah, sure. Yes, that may be possible. But I wonder if anybody's Ever been naked up there? I wonder how long you could be naked. I'd say about. I'd say about an inch and a half. Did you know there's a restaurant on the summit of Mount Everest?

[Chick McGee]

Oh, there is.

[Tom Griswold]

It's good food but very little atmosphere. Oh, boy. Yeah, that's. I've heard that. I hurt my arm trying to get over to the rug kit. That's why you get sunburned. Because what would a caddy say if you were. If you're. If you were golfing naked? Christy?

[Chick McGee]

I don't know. What do you mean?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, like when I asked you to hold my bag?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I was. There's a picture of him in a sand trap and you see him in his.

[Tom Griswold]

I mean, see, the sand. The sand and the naked body should never mean. Oh, that's a problem.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. You ever have that problem?

[Chick McGee]

No, I'm. That's not my fantasy. I don't know.

[Tom Griswold]

I mean, if you ever had sand, you know, you could come up from the beach and you've got sand and all the cracks.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You ever do it on the beach? No.

[Chick McGee]

That's what I just said.

[Tom Griswold]

You just said that. I don't believe you. You don't believe. I mean, why would Christy would tell a wonderful place to have a rendezvous? It's the worst. Gotta have a blanket. You have a big blanket. No one get laid. Please. Will somebody step up? Did you From Here to Eternity yet? Where the wave came over you. Can you imagine? Oh, there were, ah, sand everywhere in the key grip and the director. Yeah, that's the worst. Well, thank you. No. Have you had a second date with that girl yet? Last night? Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, wait a second. Wait, wait, wait.

[Tom Griswold]

Jesus. Where'd you guys go? Just hung out at a little outdoor bistro up in north of here. Oh, very nice. Bistro? Yeah, sounds nice. Did you call it bistro around her? And she stayed for dinner? We didn't have dinner. We just up hung out for a little bit. Okay.

[Chick McGee]

You didn't buy her dinner?

[Tom Griswold]

No, I don't have money for that. Wow, you are. You are quite the catch. Did you tell her that? Oh, God, no. Hey, watch what you order. You didn't tell her. So what? All night she was like, we'll have the charcuterie. No, we don't want that. You don't want that. Come on, get the free pretzels and water. You don't want that. Chunky. Let's put this back like the kid in fat pastimes. Two more Cokes.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

If you call me while I'm watching. What is Rat watching when he calls Scooby Doo or something? Look what I got going here. So no, no dinner, huh? No. What time was this event? Maybe 4 to 5:30. Right when she started to get hungry. So as soon as he left so she could go eat. So you. You cut her. You ask her to dinner, then you cut her loose when she got hungry. I have to do show prep. Is that what you told her? I did, yeah. Did you have any, dad?

[Chick McGee]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

No, not until I got home. Oh, Lynn, what'd you have? Macaroni and cheese and a little soup.

[Chick McGee]

You should.

[Tom Griswold]

You should have brought her over to your pad and press.

[Chick McGee]

Her pad?

[Tom Griswold]

It's my old house.

[Chick McGee]

I know. That's what I'm saying.

[Tom Griswold]

I would have thrown you clean. I would have thrown you 100 bucks. Well, thank you. Could have taken her out. We're going out tonight. Nice. Nice comeback. I'll see you after the show. I believe they're seeing each other tonight. Godwin just wants 100 bucks now. Have you ever done any skinny dipping pad? Yes, I have. Yeah. Really? In the ocean or in a lake or a pool? All of the above. Yeah, I've done it in the pool. I think that's fun. I do too. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. You like the water? Love it. Okay, so when you did in the pool, was there a young lady with you? Yeah. Okay. Oh, I'm skinny masturbating in a pool. I'm not suggesting there was a pool.

[Chick McGee]

You can swim.

[Tom Griswold]

Pleasure. You've. Wait, hang on. What did you say? Josh, I'm just gonna dip alone. It's awesome.

[Chick McGee]

Why not?

[Tom Griswold]

We were at this giant rental house is when I worked for Rolling Sporting Goods. We were in Omaha for the College World Series. Everybody decided to go to dinner and I went, I'm just gonna have some leftovers here. And they. And I was real tired and they left and I went, oh, man. The pool's all to myself. Oh, I just. I got in there naked walrus around for an hour dance. Oh, it was awesome. What if somebody'd come back?

[Chick McGee]

So what?

[Tom Griswold]

God, man. All right. I mean, I had my towel close to the pool. It would have been naked. So what?

[Chick McGee]

Are you that afraid of being naked?

[Tom Griswold]

Afraid of being naked? I'm a gentle on. I always wear a bathing suit. You really think the skin is the devil's slip cover? You have never gone. Really think that you've never gone skinny? Might have been a couple occasions, but I certainly.

[Chick McGee]

No, he hasn't don't talk about it.

[Tom Griswold]

I want to get back to Godwin's Day. What? How did this. How did. It was actually a lot of fun. Just kind of. How did you elegantly go. Hey, I got a. Were you having coffee? Don't eat anything. I got to go. Go to bed. Good night. You did that? I had a couple Cokes, and she had some bevies. Adult Bevies. Bevies. What is this? I said it. Perhaps it's not your appearance or attitude. Perhaps it's because you use the word Bevy. You can't find anybody. I said it. I do. I. It was stupid. So she's having a couple drinks. Yes. Okay. What did you wear?

[Chick McGee]

What'd she drink?

[Tom Griswold]

What I have on. Had. What did she drink? Yeah. Let me ask. Let me rephrase it. Which one of my shirts were you wearing? The blue one, the dark. She had Tito's and some kind of juice.

[Chick McGee]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Okay. All right. That's nice. It was fun. Beautiful weather. You had to sit outside. Beautiful day we had yesterday. It went well. Went nice. Did you take any pictures of the two of you? No. Like a selfie or something?

[Chick McGee]

It's only their second date.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. It's a little soon. Come on. You hand your phone to the waiter and say, hey, did you get. Oh, that's soon.

[Chick McGee]

No, it's way too soon.

[Tom Griswold]

I think we. He's texted her six times a day already. He's.

[Chick McGee]

Have you already texted her this morning?

[Tom Griswold]

No, I have not. I'm focused on the show. Let's move on. Well, good for you, Pat. I'm sure you made her laugh and had a nice time. Oh, the big question. You get a kiss good night? I think we have to ask that, don't we? I mean, he doesn't have to answer. I don't think she'd appreciate me saying that, but, yes. Was the. Was the restaurant annoyed that you drug in your guitar? I was ready to say the same thing.

[Chick McGee]

You. Josh, what song did you serenade her with?

[Tom Griswold]

I usually go with Blackbird, Grandma, Kiss, or Full Tongue for some of those. That was one and the same. Wow. People grew up in Missouri, but in Ohio. Oh. Well, have you played her any music at all? No, no. She's talking about any. Any songs you're working on? Any ideas? We've been. She's gone online and checked some things out. You're all ready and love. I. I'm rather smitten. She's very, very sweet. Yeah. Now, did she make some remark about. Pat and I put a little song Together. That just won the award. No, but she did check that one out and played it for all her friends where she works and thinks that's a really good one. The pubes thing. Yeah. Okay. It's a song. She works in that. The current fashion of no Pubic Hair. It's a song about that. So I'm wondering if she weighed in at all. Well, she works in that industry, so she had. She owns a salon. Yeah. They have a whole section up there.

[Chick McGee]

Of Waxing for wax.

[Tom Griswold]

She thought that was hilarious. Hilarious, Yeah. I am torn between being two lovers, being funny or giving Pat a break, and I don't know what to do. You can be funny. I'm giving him a break. You'd be funny. I. I won't give him a break. Is that okay? Yeah. Well, we have to take one shortly, so. A break. I should say whatever.

[Chick McGee]

Fashion in the news later today, actually. What Hair fashion news later today?

[Tom Griswold]

Nether regions. Okay, real quick question. This is for Christy.

[Chick McGee]

Yes, sir.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, if this. If. If full. Full on. No, no. If. If this woman is, in fact a hairdresser, should. She's an owner. Or does she also cut? Very rarely. Well, okay. That's okay. Still, should Pat say. Do you want to take a crack at this? No, no. Somewhere else. No, no, you don't.

[Chick McGee]

You don't let her cut your hair.

[Tom Griswold]

No, that's too private. I have the worst hair and show business. No, she could maybe take this mess elsewhere. You have a nice thing going up there. We weren't talking about the hair on your head. Oh, wait. Oh, yeah. What were we talking? I. I was not. I wasn't thinking hair on your head. You're thinking hair.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, you're not gonna let her trim your pubes.

[Tom Griswold]

I think it's a nice introduction. That's what's called a lead pipe cinch. See? Hey, why don't you trim this and if she's still there when you come back. You're not gonna believe me when I tell you this, but we. We were talking with the great singer songwriter, Kenny Loggins. Yes. One of the great voices in rock.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, God.

[Tom Griswold]

Remember this story?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. How he met one of his wives.

[Tom Griswold]

How he met. Whatever it was. Wife number three getting waxed.

[Chick McGee]

No, no, he had a colonic. She was administering.

[Tom Griswold]

She was administering his colonic. She was putting a tube in his rear end.

[Chick McGee]

Nothing says love like that's impossible to.

[Tom Griswold]

Close a deal if someone's just got a colonic. No, no, she's giving it to him. No, that's what I mean. You can't. But apparently I have this from a very good source. Source. I got to be careful telling this story, but apparently Kenny Loggins, he doesn't need Jim Messina because he's got. Oh, he has his own partner. He has a partner. He has his own login. He's got a Garfunkel the size of meatloaf to extend the analogy. Is that right, Kenny? Apparently. Not only is he very handsome and incredibly talented, he's very gifted anatomically. I have that on first hand knowledge. He's. He's all right. Yeah. Please celebrate my. He's about a foot loose. That's the one I was going through. His walk is about a foot loose. Well, like I always like to say, hang on to something. Coming up next, comedian Greg Hahn. Don't want to miss it. This is the Bob and Tom Show. It's the best of the Bob and Tom show here in the O'Reilly Auto Parts studios. Think O'Reilly Auto Parts. For all your car care needs. Get the parts and service you need fast. From the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a segment with one of our faves, comedian Greg Hahn. I'm Chick Magee and we have a Bob and Tom comedy legend in the house, as they say. Tom, I have an email about said legend. What about Greg Hahn? That's right. Sandy writes in, says, good morning, handsome men and gorgeous Christie.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, thank you.

[Tom Griswold]

I work at Rollins College. Hey. In Winter Park, Florida. And I recently discovered Greg Hahn is an alumnus. True. I feel honored to walk the halls where Greg and Mr. Rogers once walked. Did you know Fred Rogers? Yeah. Apparently was a alumnus. I better send that 100 bucks. Bucks? Yeah. College. They won 100 bucks. Awesome. That's a beautiful. Well, thank you. I'm glad she said hi. Beautiful spot. Part of Orlando. How about that? I used to live there before I lived in deland. Oh, really?

[Chick McGee]

Oh, deland.

[Tom Griswold]

Christy, what's happening in the news?

[Chick McGee]

Why do they call it deland?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, Christy, I'm so glad you asked because it's not too far from D.C. josh, when you tried to change the subject, he was scratching his arm like. Like when somebody does shave and a haircut and doesn't finish the two bits. There we go. Greg Hahn is here with us and Greg is once again a resident of Florida. Have you officially changed your residence to save tax money? Yes. Yeah, Florida. Great, man. Hey, by the way, I'm trying my new invention today. Soundproof pants. Do you hear anything? No. How about now? Those are amazing. Greg is out there on the road doing this and that while he looks for a new condo. If you. If you have a. A company party and you want to have some fun, I would recommend calling Mr. Han. How would on earth would I ever find you, Greg Hahn.com? i fired my agent. Call me up, okay? Like, we're looking for Mr. Han. Hey, what's going on? How are you? We have finally have to go to the news desk with Chris Lee.

[Chick McGee]

We have finally have to go.

[Tom Griswold]

We've missed everything. We've been trying to die noddle. I mean, go right ahead.

[Chick McGee]

What do you got?

[Tom Griswold]

Tom, back to you.

[Chick McGee]

An Australian porn star suffered a debilitating penis injury during a recent shoot.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, my lord.

[Chick McGee]

Mr. Liam Ellis is out of commission for the next month or so.

[Tom Griswold]

Not familiar with Liam's work after suffering.

[Chick McGee]

The injury while filming a particularly energetic scene. You think he goes by the name Liam Ellis? That's not a very pornographic sounding name, is it?

[Tom Griswold]

No, no. He's got to just be huge then, because you can't be a novelty twice. He's got to have a really big one.

[Chick McGee]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

Not as wild as my porn name was.

[Chick McGee]

What was yours?

[Tom Griswold]

Edward William.

[Chick McGee]

He said in reference to his genitals quote, I didn't think anything of it at the time, but a while later it turned completely black. Oh, I did some googling and it was pretty obvious I had something called a penile fracture. The 34 year old underwent surgery and has been prescribed a drug to prevent him from becoming too excited while he recovers. Oh, boy.

[Tom Griswold]

Very tatted up.

[Chick McGee]

Very tatted up.

[Tom Griswold]

And it says here. This. This is a different version of the story. It says former drug dealer turned porn star out of action. That's an inspiring story.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. That's why he has all the tats. Probably.

[Tom Griswold]

Yikes. But he said it. His male member actually turned black.

[Chick McGee]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

This is while filming. He injured his male member. Yes, because I've heard of slipping a disc, but. Slipping. Do people get to sign his cast?

[Chick McGee]

I don't think they.

[Tom Griswold]

How does that make national news? International. Yeah, it's on the international newswire. International newswire. Does he get workers comp for this? Does he get like paid vacation for this?

[Chick McGee]

Maybe.

[Tom Griswold]

That's a very good question. Didn't he say he didn't know he broke it until it turned black?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

There you go.

[Chick McGee]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

Stop complaining. It's the silent.

[Chick McGee]

You feel it or hear it or something.

[Tom Griswold]

Silent injury may have time, but he didn't know how bad it was. It'd be great if. Are they going to release the footage and it's footage. It was during a three way.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, really?

[Tom Griswold]

Wouldn't that be great if he had like one of those what's his name, John Madden telestrator things. Hairs where you're really close to slipping out that first time but now. Oh, there he goes. Oh, that's where it happened.

[Chick McGee]

Are you watching the scene? What are you doing over there?

[Tom Griswold]

No, I'm just reading more.

[Chick McGee]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Didn't Dennis Rodman famously do this?

[Chick McGee]

I don't know.

[Tom Griswold]

There was and there was. There was some either famous sports star or movie actor that famously did this. It's an actual thing.

[Chick McGee]

Sure.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow. I. I'm not sure exactly what happened.

[Chick McGee]

But did you find out what happened?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, it was in the middle of a so called Devil's three way. Oh, they serve that over at Skyline? Yeah, they do. It's really spicy chili with onions and cheese. You guys bring it together. In this case, a 12 inch black sausage.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. And he. Apparently there was a misfire is the quote. Yeah, how's that a story? Don't act like you're not interested.

[Chick McGee]

Authorities in New York State arrested six teenagers for damaging fences as part of the Kool Aid Man Tick tock challenge.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh yeah.

[Chick McGee]

According to the Patch, a homeowner in center reach heard a lot of loud noise in the middle of the night. And after checking surveillance cameras saw 16s kicking several sections of his fence down. Teens returned hours later and all ran through the fence at the same time. The practice mimics the fruit drink mascots Pinchon for smashing through walls and fences as he runs through them.

[Tom Griswold]

Aren't they brick in the Kool Aid commercials? Yeah, kids try that.

[Chick McGee]

Police responding to the call were able to apprehend the teenager shortly after the incident.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, no.

[Chick McGee]

Detectives found there were at least two other instances where lawyer damaged fences in the area. The five juveniles and one 18 year old were charged with several counts of criminal.

[Tom Griswold]

My mom and dad are going to be so mad at me. The new challenge is the get sodomized in jail against your will challenge. All right, well, hey kids, you know how to make Kool aid? You know how to make pruno? You know pruno is Greg? No, I don't, but it sounds funny. Pruno is wine you make in prison in the toilet. Oh, yeah. Not in the bowl, by the way. You make it in the tank. Just want to be very clear. Okay. The. The first Kool Aid commercial, they're at a skating rink. They're all enjoying themselves.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

And Kool Aid bursts through behind where they keep all the skates. Oh, it looks like where you keep your clothes in your old house with all the little cubby holes. Yeah. He comes busting through. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, he says. And then it gives the kids Kool Aid. And remember, Tom, don't bring Kool Aid to a gin party. Okay? Just don't do it. In my day, it wasn't destructive. If you were drinking Kool Aid, you were either getting high in LSD or about to watch you and all your friends get executed. Wouldn't it have been amazing if they had done a Kool Aid commercial? I don't. Where a man is standing in front of all these people, sitting crisscross applesauce on the grass in front of them. Oh, yeah. Just wearing these white sort of robes. The weird thing is that Jim Jones didn't actually serve Kool Aid. Right? Right. Like a generic cork, right? Yeah, but Kool Aid. But Kool A flavor. The permanent joke is drinking the Kool Aid based on that horrible incident and a Kool Aid, they're going, hey, we didn't do it, apparently. Oh, go ahead. Well, you gotta. You gotta buy a lot of it if you're doing a group suicide. You're not gonna go for name brand stuff. May as well go generic, right? You wanna keep the overhead low if you're gonna be dead tomorrow.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. I would do the opposite. I would feed them the best.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, look, this is your last drink, your last go around. What do you want him to. Delicious thunk. Hey, what's the name of this? Apparently, Pat Godwin. The sniper struck again. We didn't know it. What'd I do this time? We were talking about the Devil's Three way. Han asked very, very comically if that was an entree at Skyline Chile. Pat apparently said, yes, it's brought to your table by two guys.

[Chick McGee]

I heard that. I giggled. Two guys?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Good job, Pat.

[Tom Griswold]

Very good. Thank you. The sniper. What else have you got, Christy?

[Chick McGee]

Well, here's another story you're going to love. Japanese authorities arrested a man for defecating on another person's bicycle seat.

[Tom Griswold]

Now we're getting somewhere.

[Chick McGee]

According to Sora News24, a teenager discovered the nasty surprise on her bike, which had been parked outside a station in Soma City.

[Tom Griswold]

Her bike?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. Police investigating the incident arrested a 28 year old man on some suspicion of vandalism. He later admitted that he was attracted to the victim and specifically targeted her bike.

[Tom Griswold]

Leave her a gift. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Details about the fecal attack are Scant police were specific. The seat had been defecated upon rather than the feces being placed or smeared.

[Tom Griswold]

Dom, where are you at?

[Chick McGee]

On said seat.

[Tom Griswold]

So wait a minute. So he had to climb up on top of it to. Well, how would you. On a seat? Bicycle seat. I think I would. If I go in my hand and put it on the seat, I would.

[Chick McGee]

What?

[Tom Griswold]

That's the only way to do it.

[Chick McGee]

No, you.

[Tom Griswold]

Apparently I'm con. So this guy is doing this in order to meet. Meet a young lady. Yeah. He needs to read a book. Hey, Grandma, how'd you meet grandpa? Oh, it's. Funny story. Yeah. I walked out of the coffee shop and there was a guy dropping a massive deuce on my Schwinn. So I knew he was interested. I know you. You didn't want to say deuce at all. You had the alliteration. Exactly. How do you. But how would you get high enough off the seat to be able to. You stand on the pedals. As somebody who's done this. It's going to fall onto your shoes. Yeah, but to keep your. No, you got to be. You got to aim real well. Yeah. You have to keep the picture after you clenched it. I think you kind of start with your butt against the seat. Yes. And as it's exiting, you rise a little.

[Chick McGee]

Are you discussing this at length?

[Tom Griswold]

You lay it down like one one ices a cake.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Could we. You have a song for this? I could do something for you. Oh my God. It's crazy. So crazy. Just what some people do. It's not because he's lazy and couldn't find the loo. He says it was because of attraction. Why? He made a major transaction. It don't sell. Smell sweet upon the seat. That bicycle wasn't meant for number two. A bicycle built for number two. Putting the BM and bmx, ladies and gentlemen. Wow, that is disgusting. Do we have anything that's a happy news over there.

[Chick McGee]

Well, happy news, I like that.

[Tom Griswold]

That story included the phrase fecal attack.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

That sounds like a band. Yeah. Just say hello to her. Isn't that what you do? You say hi high. Well, ask for her phone number. Then tell her she's blocked. That's how I do it. You're quite the ladies manor.

[Chick McGee]

They're sitting next to the master right there.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm in my prime. I'm in my prime. I should be playing football for the Dolphs. Flying for the Blue Angels. Playing bass for Pink. He's got it all figured out.

[Chick McGee]

Also in Japan, they're Baffled by a mysterious metal sphere that washed up on a beach.

[Tom Griswold]

What is this? This is cool.

[Chick McGee]

And Hamamatsu City.

[Tom Griswold]

What? What is it?

[Chick McGee]

Hamamatsu City.

[Tom Griswold]

So you're not stuttering. You say it every time a hot girl walks by. Oh, I live over there in Hamamatsu.

[Chick McGee]

City. According to Acai News. I don't know.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, come on.

[Chick McGee]

Asahi News, a local woman reported the sphere to the police. It is described as being a rusted iron ball nearly five feet in diameter.

[Tom Griswold]

It's huge with a hand candle like.

[Chick McGee]

Protrusion that would allow it to be.

[Tom Griswold]

Hooked on like Caucasian flesh colored.

[Chick McGee]

The outlet also reported that an X ray scan revealed the object to be hollow.

[Tom Griswold]

Hollow?

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

What is this? It's something that fell off.

[Chick McGee]

We don't know. Object washed up on the beach.

[Tom Griswold]

It's scary. Of course. The most famous scary ball ever seen on a beach beach was Hitler in a speedo. It has a lot going on. What did you think was going to happen?

[Chick McGee]

Did you think any.

[Tom Griswold]

I was so proud of using the word. It is scary. The man himself is scary. Using the word. Had only one ball. In a Speedo. In a Speedo. In a punchline. This is. Okay. Sorry, I hate to get these. I'm with you. Hate to bring any history into this. Wow. It does look like a giant robot testicle. You know your favorite robot, don't you? Iron Giant. Iron Giant. It looks like the Iron Giant's left ball.

[Chick McGee]

Does he have balls?

[Tom Griswold]

No, he doesn't have.

[Chick McGee]

I think so.

[Tom Griswold]

No. He's a nice giant.

[Chick McGee]

He thinks he's a nice giant, but he's been castrated.

[Tom Griswold]

Go ahead, watch. Make fun of me. Go ahead, watch that movie and not cry.

[Chick McGee]

Giant. No, I agree.

[Tom Griswold]

A half hour.

[Chick McGee]

Wonderful movie.

[Tom Griswold]

Have you seen Iron Giant, Willie? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a good one. It's great. I cry in every movie, though. I cried at Paddington 2. I watched that on the plane years ago. Paddington 2 is a great movie. I haven't seen Paddington. Hugh Grant should have gotten the Academy Award.

[Chick McGee]

You would like it, chick. It really is good.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, the Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent or whatever. The Nicholas Cage movie. They go on and on about how great Paddington 2 is in that movie. Oh, yeah. Did you ever see man on Fire? Oh, yeah. It's a good one. I. I love man. It's a great movie. What is it about, Richard? Point. At one point in the movie. Yeah. A character asked Denzel Washington, what are you going to do? And Denzel answers, kill him. Kill them all. And that's what happens. Well, then he goes to the gun shop, the weapon shop, and he turns into Rodney Dangerfield. Give me two of those, six of those, nine of those. Naked lady exploding TE's. It's great.

[Chick McGee]

Great.

[Tom Griswold]

Christy, what else you got?

[Chick McGee]

In Tennessee, authorities arrested a man who reportedly ate two bags of chips that someone else had stolen from convenience store.

[Tom Griswold]

Maybe he didn't know.

[Chick McGee]

W R E G.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm Reggie. I think you're going with regurgitated news. All of our viewers are regular that.

[Chick McGee]

After getting into an argument with a Circle K store clerk in Parkway Village.

[Tom Griswold]

Things are put at Circle K. Took.

[Chick McGee]

An entire display of chips and put them in his car. Memphis Police department said that while the man was walking out with the display, several bags of chips fell on the ground.

[Tom Griswold]

Nothing for me, thank you.

[Chick McGee]

After the suspect drove off, another man, Joseph Braswell, picked up two bags from the ground. Minutes later, officers found Braswell with crumbs on his face. They reviewed video footage and concluded that Mr. Braswell was aware of the theft that had occurred. Okay, so the 36 year old was subsequently arrested on charges of theft of merchandise. Less than $1,000.

[Tom Griswold]

Why not save everybody the headache? Can just have them pay for the chips.

[Chick McGee]

You know what they were valued at? 4.98.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chick McGee]

It's not less than five or down.

[Tom Griswold]

It's less than five dollars. Just make them pay. Yeah. Here's five bucks. It's never happened. Okay. Give her a stolen anything. No. I've had guns on me though, and stuff. I was real polite and. What do you mean guns away? And worked out walking around campus. What? What did you do that they made? I was wearing a green hat and they thought I rushed robbed a bank. Bank robber just robbed the bank with a green hat. And I was just driving along wearing my green hat and the guy was an undercover cop behind me, honking at me with his lights. I thought, who's this guy? And I pulled over to beat him up. I'm like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna knock this guy out. I pulled over and I got the whole thing. But he wasn't wearing a cop outfit. Right? Right. So I almost dive into the car. I almost dove in head first and hit the gas with my hand. But I thought, I'm just gonna trust this guy's a cop. And then when other cops came in skidding and going, going crazy, I was relieved, like, oh, good. Okay. Now do they pay for your pants? It worked out fine.

[Chick McGee]

Were they still soundproof?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Okay, Nice call back. Nice. She's a professional. Well, we're gonna find out what happens when Josh goes to a buffet. They have anything left here on the Bob and Tom. This is the Bob and Tom show, the best of the Bob and Tom show on a Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a story about Josh going to a buffet. Hilarious. Of course, over there is a guy that's going to be on stage at Diamond Joe's casino in Dubuque. What are you going to do about it? Dubuque. What a great venue. Yeah, it's fun. Dare him. Dare him to come see you. The balcony packed about. They got that buffet, too.

[Chick McGee]

They have a buffet there.

[Tom Griswold]

You do the buffet before or after your show? I have to do it before. It's rare because it does close after that. Yeah. So, yeah, I don't like to eat before a show. But you'll make an exception for this buffet. What's. Now, what's your favorite thing on the buffet? Catfish. Catfish, Yeah. I would not have guessed that. A buffet. Oh, yeah. You know, ask anybody.

[Chick McGee]

Buffet.

[Tom Griswold]

Catfish is really the way to go. Oh, it's delicious. This really. This buffet. This buffet is actually famous. Oh, yeah. So now do you. When you do the buffet, do you take just one plate just for the entrees? See, this is a great part about a buffet. You can have some catfish, but you can have a little prime rib. Exactly, yeah. You can go up and down the line and get what you want. I tend to stay protein heavy because it'll be pre show, so I don't want to carb down too much. Yeah. So don't you get tired, though, all that food in your stomach? That's why. That's one of the reasons I stay protein heavy. Protein. So do you take a doggy bag? No, they. They should. They frown upon that. He still does it, but they frown upon. Yeah, yeah. Well, now, will they give you. Will they give you a coupon for the buffet or do you have. Yes. Yeah, it's a coupon. Yeah. All right. That's nice. You can also use it at some of the other places. But why would you not use it now? Will you sit with strangers? Oh, God, no. I'll have my own table. Yeah, they have many, many tables.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

With many, many foods.

[Chick McGee]

It's not a cruise ship because what.

[Tom Griswold]

The hell you think? Introduce yourself, by the way, I'll be your entertainment. Wait a minute. Look at that. Catfish. You would sit right, right down with strangers and think you're giving them a treat by you eating because of this show. I hate Being spotted. I hate. I get spotted eating, and fans of the show look at me, and I can just see in their eyes. They're thinking, well, of course. Of course. Did you see Josh playing blackjack? No, no, no. He was eating catfish. I don't think I've ever had buffet catfish. Now I'm in. Oh, it's great under the lights.

[Chick McGee]

I don't think Tom's ever been to a buffet.

[Tom Griswold]

Of course I have. Although that new buffet that Josh and I went. I was just talking about the cafeteria the other day. Used to go to the cafeteria. We went to a great Asian buffet. And that. Man, it was good. They had lobster and cheesy seafood, man, wasn't it. Wasn't it good? Oh, man. I was just discussing the cafeteria because I think jello is a fraud.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, yeah. Well, I know how you feel about jello.

[Tom Griswold]

My little girls go, oh, my God, that looks so delicious. And you get the red and the blue, and then they sit down and they taste it, and they don't eat it anymore. Yeah, it's not that fun. You know, when I was a kid, my mother would make jello with bananas in it. Sure, sure. So are we out of regular food? Don't you suck the jello in, though? You don't bite it. Oh, you just belushi it up. Yeah, but that gets. That gets old after a while. And then. Yes, as Christie pointed out, of course, when you add alcohol to it, like, that's true of anything. I mean, if you put alcohol in Brussels sprouts, maybe people, I could really go for a tequila. Brussels sprouts, Jameson. Brussels sprouts. Now, where were we? You're in the hotel with all the children, you know. Yes, it's a. It's a hotel slash water park. Wettest elevator floor you'll ever see. Well, that's great. The hint of chlorine in the air. Wait a second. Hang on. The hotel should be called Piso Mojado because it's just wet floors. Oh, that's nice. Could we get. Could we get a video of you going down the water slide? I'm not doing that. Come on. Okay. For the show, in a Speedo in how long? Just almost two years. Josh is going to. Yeah, that sounds like fun, too. I'm not doing. Well, first of all, I'm not doing the water. I'm not enjoying the water park at all. Why not? I've got a show tonight, and then I'm on the air with you folks tomorrow morning. We could have our engineers maybe meet you at the water park. And you could go, what time does the water park open? Would they open up the slide just for you? I don't think I. I can't do. I can't do a water slide. My. My shirt gets stuck. Yeah. You know, swims in a shirt. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

He's very self conscious.

[Tom Griswold]

This may be. This may be too personal stuff. My good friend Andrew. You guys. You guys know Andrew. He. He was at one of those gigantic water slides in Florida. Mm. And he wears. He lives in Europe, and he wears. You know, they tend to wear smaller suits anyway. And it's my. This is my sister's boyfriend, and he. He went down the water slide. When he came out, it looked like he'd had a wedgie. He looked almost like a Borat with the thing.

[Chick McGee]

He's wearing a thong is what you're telling me.

[Tom Griswold]

They had to tweeze it out of his. Out of his gluteal cleft. That'd be great going down the water slide. I wish you told me that you. I love. Love a water park.

[Chick McGee]

I do too.

[Tom Griswold]

I love a water park places. You would. You would go down the slides and stuff? Well, I don't know about the slides.

[Chick McGee]

I would.

[Tom Griswold]

I'd frolic in the wave pool. They have a wave pool? They do, yeah. I might just walrus around in one of those. I don't know if they. Lazy river, or as I call it, the. The river urine. Exactly. Yeah. You ever notice no one ever gets out of one to go to the bathroom? Right. The Lazy river. Because you're too lazy to get up and hit the john.

[Chick McGee]

I hate to break it to you, but that's the way all pools are.

[Tom Griswold]

Tom. Just pee.

[Chick McGee]

Just pee.

[Tom Griswold]

No, it's okay. Why do I think when Josh checks in tonight, they'll go, oh, you know, our. Our Lazy river has very little urine in it. You know, like, they're gonna have to explain to him that it's a clean water park. We get a shot of you eating a chunk of catfish as you go down the waterfly. And I know I'm not going down the line. Steal the catfish out of the buffet. I'm not getting near that one. How about a shot of you putting a catfish into your coat pocket? Yes. I might be able to get a shot of that. Okay. Me stealing from the buffet. Okay, once again, this is all to say that if you want to go to the Diamond Joe Casino, just don't go to the buffet around 7:15. Oh, that. That close to showtime.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, that's real close to Showtime. You don't eat around six?

[Tom Griswold]

Do you eat in your stage clothes or do you have something of a tarp to protect your outfit? Yes, I. I stole one of those plastic capes from my barber and I put that on and eat at the buffet. What a. What a. What a guy you are.

[Chick McGee]

You are so mean.

[Tom Griswold]

Would you sets up with a cape with a fork in one hand if we got you one of those. If we got you one of those smocks from a barber shop, Would you do that tonight? Just for the video. Just a panning, A panning shot of the potato. And then Josh is sitting there, this huge barber thing, just gravy and pudding, big picture of a catfish on. And then I just take it off and hit the stage. Have you ever, prior to a show, inadvertently spilled some something on your on your stage outfit? No, knock on wood, I've not. Because the worst story I ever heard involves Keith Richards and some idiot named Pat Connolly spilling coffee all over his stage. I dumped a whole coffee on him. That's so amazing. Was that with the. The winos? Yes, it was the first tour, about 1990. Yeah. I turned around and spilled a whole hot coffee on Keith Richards. Wow. Before he had gone on stage. Yep. White pirate shirt, had a puffy shirt on. I said, I'm so sorry, Mr. Richards. He didn't even know.

[Chick McGee]

He probably know, didn't notice.

[Tom Griswold]

He didn't. I said, are you going to change that? He goes, this look good for the image, man. Absolutely true. By all accounts, Keith Richard is one of the greatest guys of all time. Yeah, that's awesome. Well, he was sweetheart to me. He put his arm around me and then warmed up, he goes, tell me if he thinks this is all right. Cuz normally another guy does the singing. He was messing with me. I said, you sound good. All right. My ready to go. The expense. Was they the. Were they the expensive winels or expensive winers? Yeah, Walktel. Yeah, that's. Some intern brought him like this, this, this drink. Huge drink. It was like orange. He looks at me and he goes, ah yes. Another nuclear nightmare. What a weird. Drank it all down and went on stage. The whole thing. He drained it, Sebastian.

[Chick McGee]

Maybe it was energy C. You don't know.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, emergency vodka. The airborne. Yeah. Oh boy. Now once again, Josh Dubuque. Yeah, they're gonna love Casino. Huge fans of the show. I'm gonna put on a real show and I'm gonna leave the buffet and hit the stage. Now for stage clothes. Are you gonna work the flannel? Oh, yeah, yeah. You wear the flannel on stage. Yeah. Don't you get hot? It's Iowa. They're a hearty, hearty bunch. Yeah. It's gonna be cold. I think the latest. I love it. Feels like it's in the single digits. The. Feels like. Well, you're going to be indoors. You're aware, of course. Of course. So you don't really have to wear the. No, I'm comfortable with the flannel on stage. It doesn't get. What do you want anymore? Hawaiian shirt. One of those things. Right. You have to make that cold walk from the hotel to the casino, though. Exactly. Freezing. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, it'll be. Yeah, you're gonna be all wet from the water park. You know, how about this? If you're not gonna do. If you're not gonna do the thing where you put on the barber smock, Right. What if we give you a large cooler and you're photographed putting the catfish in the cooler and then when you go out on stage, you. You take it out there like you're one of those heart transplant transporters.

[Chick McGee]

So.

[Tom Griswold]

So let me get this straight. I walk out on stage with his cooler. Yeah. No one knows what it is. They're gonna be the audience. Only you will be laughing in your recliner tonight. That's the only laugh that'll get. All right, coming up in just a minute here, Josh's four year anniversary and Jimmy Pardo is coming up. But next, McConaughey, bingo and munchies next on the Bob and Tom show. This is the Bob and Tom show. Hope you had a great Christmas yesterday. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. One of our faves is comedian Jimmy Pardo. And here he is, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Jimmy Pardo is here. Hello. We're getting fan mail. Why wouldn't we? For Jimmy. All right. Jason says. Jimmy Pardo is my favorite comedian ever. Thank you, Jason. I saw him a decade ago and got him to sign a copy of. Of his Pompous Clown album. I've listened to his podcast every episode since episode 10. Thank you. Everywhere he shows up is always a lovely time. Thank you. What a nice letter. I was expecting the turn to come at some point during that letter, but nothing but positive. I could make up some stuff. This is young Jason. This is. This is from Jason. Thank you, Jason. Jason gets it. He does. He gets in a way that others just haven't. Mr. Part. It was back on the road doing a handful of shows. Handful. And he's spent much of the last week I imagine listening to old tapes. Remember what the hell you used to. Oh, I got to remember the old act, right? Brush it off. This boy, this bush is doing some stuff in the office. It off. This Gulf War is getting tough. Yeah, that Dean Rusk, huh? Oh, boy. Yeah. You hear about the Cheney shot a guy in the face. Come on, folks. German kid, Kissinger, somebody.

[Chick McGee]

What the hell?

[Tom Griswold]

We thought again, a little bit of a comedy schooling would be in order. Okay, we recognize the fact that not every effort we make at a joke works on this show. Sure. Few do. We got a lot of time to fill. Yeah, sure, yeah, sorry. Therefore, we. We sometimes ask a staff member, Jeff Oscar, to help us by doing news that we failed to mention. There he is right there. Mr. Jeff Oscar in the big screen. Hey, Jeff. Hi, everybody. Hi, miss. Hi, Mr. Pardo. Hello, Jeff. Nice to see you again, young man. I believe Jeff Oscar is responsible for one of my favorite Jimmy Paro recorded moments. This is one where you're. You're making fun of Jeff Oskay for like the first five minutes. Sparaza. What do you call. How do you. Espressatura. Yeah, yeah. And he's. He was emceeing. And you refer to him as. You're doing your comedy act there about how his beard grows. Yes, I believe I did insult him for laughs and hurtfulness. Yes. Jeff, I apologize to you publicly for. Oh, I enjoyed that meal. It was so worth it. Saying I looked like the Gordon's fisherman and that I had a piece of cod hanging out of my beard the entire time. Well, then you would have thought maybe you trim that thing, maybe you take the hinge. No, no, but all you guys, you like these weird beards. Now, this is the thing, right? I'm just lazy. Yeah, you look good in this suit and high, though. Well, thank you, sir. Hey, I know you don't know what I do here, but we give you a lot of the news each week, Jimmy. But we don't give our listeners all the news. So I come on every Friday. I give our listeners the news that we failed to mention. Now here's Jeff Oskay with what you failed to mention. Noose. I'm sure you saw in the news this week. Aaron Rodgers is going on a darkness retreat. This week, Aaron will be in total dark darkness for four days and nights without any electronics or even his cell phone. Well, you failed to mention. That's not a darkness retreat, Aaron. It's called being broke. I was on darkness retreat for most of my twenties. If that's the Case? India has trained drug sniffing squirrels to assist them in customs. What you failed to mention. So far they haven't found any drugs, but they have located 970 bags of airline peanuts. This is going well. Yes? Yeah. A 1908 Harley Davidson sold at auction for $935,000 last week. What you failed to mention the owners. If you can read this, the chick fell off T shirt went for just over 35 bucks. We're cutting that joke up. A bird pooped on a bride while she was reciting her wedding vows. Well, you failed to mention it was an indoor wedding. A new study says that people can tell if they'll like a song within the first few seconds of hearing it. What you failed to mention that's nothing. I can tell if I'll like a person the second I lay eyes on them and I don't have to even hear one peep that's came out of their stupid faces. Men's members are 25 larger than 30 years ago according to a new study. What you failed to mention. What's your sample size like? We surveyed 500 men. What if the lady doing the measuring was a real uggamug? Maybe that's the problem back in the day. See, they're not erect. Yeah, yeah. They shrinkage the ugly face. A new study using mice as exercising in the morning actually helps burn more calories. What you failed to mention. Yes, but only if your morning workout consists of running on a wheel. Right, hamster? This is going well in front of my comedy hero. A new survey says that spontaneous sex among couples is just as fun and satisfactory as pre scheduled sexual activity. What you failed to mention. I don't know about spontaneous sex, but I do know afterwards I enjoy a spontaneous sandwich, especially if she jumps up and makes it for me. Fellas, if your lady gets up afterwards and makes you a sandwich, you know you did a good job. If she jumps up and collapses to the floor because her legs gave out, you know you did an amazing job. And finally, actors at one of those medieval act out restaurants in Los Angeles have gone on strike demanding higher wages. What you failed to mention the actors are asking. If you ask me, the actors are being quite greedy. I hear they're. They're not asking, but demanding that their pay go up to three whole chickens and two bag of flour a month. I'm Jeff Aske and this has been the news that we. Jeff Oskay. All right. You know, can I just say this about Jeff? Jeff was my opening act for a little while and then like Other comedians, they get so strong. It's time for them to move on and headline. And Jeff made that. That transition. I very much enjoyed my time when he was my opening act. Thank you very much. Mr. Jimmy Par was here in the studio with us. Positive energy. You got to put that in a nice card. And don't you think over the air is nicer so everybody gets to hear it? A nice card. He reads it and goes, oh, that's great. How long have you been home hosting? Never Not Funny. Never Not Funny is starting since 2006. So what are we at? 17 years.

[Chick McGee]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. I am forever grateful that my co host, Matt Belknap came to me and said, do you want to start a podcast? And I was like, well, I know Ricky Gervais has one. What else does that mean? And then here we are 17 years later, and I am, as I say every day, I'm grateful for it. And you do a charity event. We do podcast a thon every now and then. Yes. And when you do it, it's a terrific charity. Do you mind giving me the real quick? Sure. We raise money for Smile Train, which is the great organization that goes to third world countries and performs surgery repairing for cleft palace. A long time since we've done this, so I forgot the. It's a great organization, but you've, you, you've stepped up many times and done that. I'm sure you'll be doing one in the future. I. We're hoping to do one. You know, the pandemic got in the way of. Of doing that. We did one online, which was fine, but hopefully we'll get to another live one this year. And we've raised over a million and a half dollars for them. Oh, great. That is so great. I'm very, very grateful that friends like Conan o' Brien and Jon Hamm and Sarah Silverman and John Crier, people like that will stop by. No reason to humble brag, but it's still. It's funny. I was just gonna ask charity. I was gonna ask you about Jon Hamm, who was a terrific actor. Yes. And. And have you seen the. The Oscar sort? It's not a commercial, but it's like a promotional announcement for the Oscars. Not. It's got Jimmy Kimmel. Yeah, Jimmy Kimmel. And it's what they're sort of doing a knockoff scene from the huge. John Hamm was one of the featured actors in the. In the Top Gun Maverick show, and he's back in that role. It's a. If you Google It. It's a really cool promotional announcement for the Oscars with Kimmel. And Jon Hamm is so funny, so good in that he's wonderful. And you know what? I. And you knew I was the. I brought it up. You knew him from playing poker way before Mad Men. He was. We had two jobs. We had Tall Zoo John and Handsome John that played poker. Then Tall John now writes for producer on Bob's Burger. And. And then John Ham, of course. We all know John Ham, so. Yeah. And I've got a podcast, so it's all going great. Another way to look at it. Yeah, it's all going great. You know who's great? Jimmy. Jimmy Kimmel is. I. I never thought I'd say this way at a time where, you know, he used to bounce on a trampoline with girls in bikinis. I think he's the best host on television. Oh, really good. I think he's great. I think he's great when he hosts the Oscars. And I hope he's listening to this. And here's. He used open for me. We don't get to watch a lot of late night tv. Well, you can record it and then watch it at your leisure. No, thanks. Take your vcr. No, thanks. Hard pass on that, my man. Not for me. The Oscar promo. And there's a special guest appearance in it. It's. It's really funny. All right. Very well done. Now, for the record, I wanted to play this. Ladies and gentlemen, here we. That's Jimmy Durante, and it's kind of. Is he doing a chaos? None of that was crowd noise. I don't think you pressed the right button. Oh, I hear it. Is he doing hot cha cha cha?

[Chick McGee]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Griswold]

It sounds like he's scratching his ass. Yeah, okay. Sorry.

[Chick McGee]

Playing with a wrench.

[Tom Griswold]

It sounds like somebody rubbing Velcro. Is this your way of proving you were right? No, I was wrong. You're admitting. Yeah, Christie's the one that thinks it's Hot Cha cha cha. Yeah, that's how I always.

[Chick McGee]

4.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay. We can talk this to death. I'm sorry. And then I've got this up here. I'm not sure what this is for, but let's give this a listen. I hate Jimmy Pardo. F you, Jimmy Pardo. You're behind Carrot Top. That's Kevin Cronin. Yeah, we asked him to do that. Yeah. It's fun. I. I'm not upset. No. Great. He's become a friend. Very grateful. And he is from the same town you're from. We Are both from hometown Illinois, which is a little suburb south of Chicago. It is 1 mile by 1 mile, completely surrounded by a guardrail. It's basically a trailer park, but with houses. Oh, and you remember. I remember what Kevin said. Kevin said this to me. Thank you, Jake. I finally had the chance to meet Kevin many, many years later at the Thousand Oaks Civic center. And nobody. Hometown's only like 3,000 people. It's really small. And I grew up. He grew up on Costner. I grew up on Corcoran. And I finally had the chance to say hello to him. I said, kevin, this is. You're never gonna believe this, but we both grew up in hometown. He went, isn't it that right? And walked away. That's a common touch. Kevin Cronin has it. Okay? Kevin Cronin from ar. Very nice guy. He is maybe the nicest guy in rock and roll. He really is a good person. And I was able to share that story with him. And luckily, he laughed at it and made fun of himself. I didn't just go, no, I was right to scram. He has the greatest on live is what you play for. What the hell's the name of that live album? Mace? Get what you play for where they do Golden Country. And then he ends it by going, thank you. Good night. Y' all have a happy Halloween. Now here, part of that was recorded in this city. And Chick does a very good Kevin Cron. Oh, let me hear it. I do not. What do I g. Plays with his guitar? There you go. Myself, I sang. I love that. I just love it. What rock is Roller tells you to enjoy your Halloween. That's great. Like. Like a kindergarten teacher going, have a great Halloween. See you Monday. Rock and roll. Y' all have a happy Halloween now. Be safe out there, right? Check the can if it raises. If you're walking in the dark, wear white. Here we go. Here. This is a little bit of a. You see, Gary, he plays the guitar. Myself, I sing, you see, so sometimes there's a little gap in between there. God, this is great. Let me give you an example. Isn't that base? The other day, when was it? Well, it was just the other day. Thank you. Just the other day. I swear to God, people. Just the other day, I called Gary.

[Chick McGee]

Up on the telephone, you see, and he picked up the phone, he said.

[Tom Griswold]

There you go, little talking guitar Gary Rich wrath.

[Chick McGee]

70.

[Tom Griswold]

That's been 76. I have not heard that. That's before they had their monster hit album, the multi platinum. I heard it from a friend. I'LL have to listen to that live. Oh, it's great. It is great. Gary Herth is, to me, one of the most underrated guitarists of all time. And there's still. There's still. Gary, sadly, is gone, but the band is still out there, and they're great. Dave Amato on guitar now. Terrific. Yeah. Now we have Jimmy Pardo in the studio with us. Back on stage, Cincinnati, go bananas tonight. Does David motto have any words to live by? Yeah, he goes because he has Motto. I see I went the other way. Something in. Something in Latin. I chose the unhelpful direction to go, you know, like, e pluribus unum. Yeah, I failed. I failed. Okay. I don't know.

[Chick McGee]

They're not all home runs. We get it.

[Tom Griswold]

I learned earlier sometimes some hit, some don't. Where's Oscar to save me? We teased this story a few days ago, but never did finish it. This is kind of cool. There's an owl on the loose in Central Park.

[Chick McGee]

Owl. We've had.

[Tom Griswold]

We've had probably five or six stories about zoos losing critters in the last two weeks. Okay. There was a. You think that would be. Monkeys were stolen in the mission statement for the zoo. Number one, lock them down. Lock them down.

[Chick McGee]

I don't think it's always the Z.

[Tom Griswold]

What do you think? You think it's the owl's problem?

[Chick McGee]

No, I think there are people that go in and they wander in and let them out.

[Tom Griswold]

Van vandals.

[Chick McGee]

Vandals.

[Tom Griswold]

Can we steal rare animals and resell them and make money? Oh, sure. Yeah. There's quite a bit. I think it's usually some. Someone who's mentally deranged that thinks, okay, you got me. What else do you need to be free and not realizing? Well, if you let the lion out, it's not gonna fare well. Yeah, but.

[Chick McGee]

New York Central Park Zoo says an escaped owl has been spotted hunting for his own food. The zoo said the owl, named Flat Flacco, went missing after his exhibit was vandalized.

[Tom Griswold]

I call him Joe.

[Chick McGee]

February 2nd.

[Tom Griswold]

Joe Flacco. Flacco. He's a great PI.

[Chick McGee]

Private investigation staff have been monitoring the owl closely and have recently observed him, quote, successfully hunting, catching, and consuming prey. Flaco's flight skills have also improved as he gains the ability to confidently maneuver around the park. The zoo had been trying to lure Flaco back with food, but now the that he has learned to hunt for himself. The zoo said they will need to devise new strategies to get him back. Why wouldn't they just leave him yeah, can't.

[Tom Griswold]

Isn't this in the park?

[Chick McGee]

It's proving that he's okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I used to be real hesitant about flying, but now I'm more comfortable. I hit my head a lot when I practice what's probably pretty soon he's going to be diving down to those gelato and sausage carts and getting into someone's hand. I love going to the zoo and getting a nice gelato. Boy, if there's anybody you could relate to people, it's Tom Griswold. You never had a New York City street gelato, kid, you put on your tux and go to the zoo and do your gelato and your son. I mean in the streets of New York. You know the driver let you out there. Willie said that age old combo. Well, coming up next, you're going to hear the show when Josh celebrated his four year anniversary. It's coming up in just a few minutes here on the Bob and Tom show. It's the best of the Bob and Tom show here on a Friday morning. Welcome back. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. This is a segment from the morning that they celebrated Josh's four year anniversary on the show. It's pretty funny. Here we go. And apparently it was Josh. Josh's four year anniversary yesterday.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, sure was.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. And the world stopped. I had no idea until. Oh boy. It was celebrated on social media. Boy, oh boy. It was a big damn deal. Yes, sir, it was nice. Josh, four years on the show. You know the big anniversary. Four years. Yes, sir.

[Chick McGee]

Are you jealous?

[Tom Griswold]

Huh? No, I'm happy for him, for them to recognize him to be here. Four years. Once again, listeners know more about this show than we do. Just a belch in my timeline, but still. Four years. I think that's great. He hasn't quit though and gone somewhere else. It's about time you were recogn. Now when you count your years in the show, do you count the. It was six months, jerk face. And it was your fault.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I did.

[Tom Griswold]

And it was Christy's fault she left. I've been introduce you to her. Don't blame this on me. You know, you're exactly right, my friend. You're exactly right. Hi, Willie. Hey, chick. How you doing man? All right. I'm okay. You're coming up on your 28th anniversary, aren't you? Being his son? Yeah, yeah. You think they'll celebrate it like they did Josh's four year? Four more years. Four more years. Wait a minute, chicky. How long you been around, man? 33, 33. Does that, does that count the lost years?

[Chick McGee]

Yes, we count the lost years.

[Tom Griswold]

33 and a half years. Not nothing like recognizing four, though. Boy, four is the big one. Are they sure they got that right? I am so fake angry about this. That's nice. Josh, congratulations. Yes, thank you. Yeah. Now literally, we will. Ace, how long you been here, buddy? You couldn't have been here four years. Well, you know, I've been around. Yeah, that's been in the building. Ace has the record for being in. In. In the building. Although he doesn't have a break. He doesn't hold the record for being fired and coming back though. That's the known as the stuck rule. Oh, I thought that was the. I thought that was the gunner rule. Oh, well, same area change iPad. Got you one and a half years. You're looking good, Pat. You got some sleep in your new apartment, did you? Yeah, I feel good too. Okay. And I did after you moved your body. You see, your body hurt so much you couldn't play the guitar yesterday. I'm good today, though. Oh, yeah? Did you go to the pool? Walk around? Look at all those. All those sexy bikini clad young ladies.

[Chick McGee]

Well, check local listings. It wasn't a bikini day.

[Tom Griswold]

This is radio, Christy. No one knew that until you said something. The point is that Pat has moved to the this famous singles apartment complex in a place called the Herpes Triangle. Oh, yeah. Any day now we're going to have a little bit of. Oh, hi, Pat. How are you? Hi, Grandpa Joe. Don't ruin the mood.

[Chick McGee]

Josh, did you ever meet any ladies.

[Tom Griswold]

When you're four years you've been here. Christy meant at the pool.

[Chick McGee]

At the pool. You were at the apartments, that same apartment?

[Tom Griswold]

Same apartment. Did you ever. Did you ever use the pool? No. No, never? Not once? No. You had a pool right outside your door. You never used it? No, it was. Yeah, no, it was a cry, actually. It was kind of across the complex for me. How far was it? 100 yards. You're exactly right. You realize there are people in this world that could have gotten there in fewer than 10 seconds. No, I could have gotten there in 30 seconds. I just. I'm not a big public pool guy.

[Chick McGee]

Ah.

[Tom Griswold]

And come on, you do a cannonball. Impress the chicks. You don't remember the morning he went on and on about the lazy rivers and how filthy they are? Remember that? Do you have a lazy river at that complex? No, no, no. But in general. I saw Godwin's apartment yesterday, though. He came over. Josh came over?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. Oh, you did?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, you're probably celebrating your big four year anniversary. We had steak and cake and the media was there, all sorts. Oh, sure, yeah. So you went to Godwin, so I assuming you gloved up and masked up. I. No, not at all. I. Six feet away. You've been reading the paper. We French kissed and we Roger ever since you threw a hissy fit in the hallway yesterday. Wow. I'm now anti Covid. I don't believe it exists. I think it's all a hoax. Tom blew up on us. You're gonna look sexy with a ventilator.

[Chick McGee]

What we miss?

[Tom Griswold]

He exploded about Tom.

[Chick McGee]

Why? Because you guys were talking in the hallway?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, not. No, it's not that we were talking about. They were practically. Were practically. Arm in arms, completely. We were a good eight feet apart. But. What But. No, it's not a lie, but what Thomas was. Was mad about, it was how loud we were talking, suggesting that we were expelling further.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tom Griswold]

Which if anyone has cracked open a science book, I would be correct. Mask up.

[Chick McGee]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, Pat reminded me that you had handed him with your filthy paw for Advil before, and you were not two feet from him. The break before. I didn't hand them to him. I stuck them on a table two feet from me. Josh, there's a simple answer for that, and that is just because scientifically, my dad is a massive hypocrite. Hippocrates is the name of the doctor. Hippocrates is the word is the word you're looking for.

[Chick McGee]

Nicely done.

[Tom Griswold]

Will. I soon do not be celebrating his 31st day in the radio. You guys talk. I got to get some stirring sticks. What's your anniversary, Willie? A month. A month? Yeah, they're going to post about it tomorrow. I got a cake and steaks. Boy, four years. So, who noticed that? Something else, man. Our friend Ronald McDuffie, who makes a ton of memes for the show. And yeah, that guy, his memes are so funny. You know why? Because if your name is Ronald McDuffie your entire life, you. I think it's a screen. Ain't Ronald McNow four years. Well, congratulations. Thank you. Thanks. Yeah, it's been great. And I say four more. The perfect time for your new assignment. Jesus. Oh, okay. What's that? Oh, well, it's a little secret. We have a little surprise for Josh.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, really?

[Tom Griswold]

All right. I ran up by him quickly the other day, but it'll be coming, I think, next week. I'm looking. Certainly looking forward to it. Okay. Involves a Little homework. So I wasn't told that. Maybe delayed a little bit. What hair brained scheme have you got him involved? Yeah, I thought we were gonna get him headphones with jewels in them. Because he's now. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Because he's at the I Hate stevensinger.com sidekick. We're gonna get him a little crown. He can look like he's royal. I think that's a good idea.

[Chick McGee]

A friend of mine did that. Got his wife a just because gift. She got it last night after dinner as part of dessert.

[Tom Griswold]

Good idea.

[Chick McGee]

Great idea.

[Tom Griswold]

By the way. Sorry I'm cheating on you. Here you go. Always the cynic, despite what happened. Wow. That's the.

[Chick McGee]

That'd be impossible these days. Right now.

[Tom Griswold]

The I Hate stephensinger.com Sidekick chair occupied by Josh. You'd be great as the. In the role. Oh, you've never seen. I was gonna say. You haven't. I was gonna say the king. Is there a sentence? The king, the king and the king in Hamilton. Oh, I really think you can sing that, don't you? He really thinks he can sing it. He came with me the other day and it just. This is. Is just like when some drunk guy at the game thinks they could put him in for a free throw. He comes up, he goes.

[Chick McGee]

He goes.

[Tom Griswold]

You know what I mean? I think they'd have to change a little bit, transpose it. Maybe they could take it down to four notes. I could do it. He just goes. He goes. If they change the range. And I go change the vocal range. And he goes, no, the range of the character, you idiot. I think it's nice. He treats his son just like he does all of us. It's a comedic role. He's played by Jonathan Groff, who's incredible. The guy was in Spring Awakening. Did you know that they. That he'd already dropped. He'd already dropped out of the play, but he came back just to do the filming. He is. I. He's the guy from minehunter. He's amazing. The guy's been on Broadway since he was 14 years old. There's a funny clip of him teaching the walk that he does. What is that? Is that on? No idea. I think it's on Colbert show or something. He. What an entrance. He had to walk in a real funny manner because the crown that they had him wearing wade so much that he couldn't walk normally or would fall off. Weird. It's really funny. That could be the most theater thing I've ever heard. Oh, it's. But it.

[Chick McGee]

The.

[Tom Griswold]

What an entrance. It's the. It's the highlight of that. Well, I come from the theater. Of course you do. Yeah. My dad likes it so much because the character King George is this tyrannical jerk. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's who he identifies with in the entire show. He's not a tyrannical jerk. Yeah, he is. Yeah, it kind of is. He's jerk. Just. I'll kill you and your family. Just a tyrant. You know, sometimes I think the failure of democracy has become quite evident. Yeah, I think that maybe benevolent dictator. Yeah. Who wants to take up this one? Let's see, where were we? Okay, so, Josh, we have to celebrate some four year stuff. Son of a. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me right now? So now all morning, we're gonna to live Josh's. Well, I wish I. I wish someone had told me this because I could have gotten the cake lady on it. We could have had like a giant cake in the shape. What's. What's your favorite kind of cake? I'll get. Oh, that's all right. Wedding cake is my favorite kind of cake. I like that. White. White cake. Can I just.

[Chick McGee]

That's because he's never had any.

[Tom Griswold]

I have a joke. I. You know, it sours after a couple.

[Chick McGee]

Years because he's never had any officially.

[Tom Griswold]

So wedding cake is what, one? White on white?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Correct. Okay. What flavor does. What flavor is that? What do you mean, what flavor? That's what it's called. No white frosting. Is that just buttercream? I like a buttercream frosting. Buttercream. Okay. And it's four. So what associates with four? Has anybody ever told you you write stuff down like you're a bookie taking a bet? No, but that's pretty much dead on. We'll get on that cake thing for Josh and we'll let you have a couple of requests. Oh, okay. All right. If any. In fact, if anyone listening has a Josh Arnold request. Oh, I thought he meant stuff I like on the show.

[Chick McGee]

I thought that's what you meant too.

[Tom Griswold]

That'd be the way to do it. We can do that also maybe perhaps something featuring you. Okay. Because there's a. There are. There are a number of. Maybe Fred. There are a handful of actually of Josh Arnold featured pieces. That was part of the tweet yesterday. They said, what's your favorite Josh Arnold moment? And one guy actually hit my Josh Arnold moment when he and Willie were talking about the band. And Willie goes, what's the name of the band? And Josh goes, it's the band. And Willie goes, no, no, but what's the name of the band? And Josh goes, willie. We're not doing that. That is my favorite. Josh, this is the Bob and Tom. We've been dating for a month or two. Ish. He didn't know my last name.

[Chick McGee]

Green was Jewish.

[Tom Griswold]

She's got long blonde hair and her first name's Veronica.

[Chick McGee]

Now we're going to my place for Hanukkah.

[Tom Griswold]

Meet Uncle Marty.

[Chick McGee]

He made a fortune selling jewelry.

[Tom Griswold]

Who is that lady with the bad plastic surgery? That's Aunt Sophie singing Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel. What is all this strange food laid out on the table? Here, eat. Have some kreplach and pickled herring. No, thanks, Mrs. Green. I'm not quite that daring. What? No herring for a fine young Jewish boy? I'm not Jewish. Oh, my God. She's dating another boy. Have some Gazella Fish and put on this yarmulke. You have any ham? Oi. It's a boyish Hanukkah, honey. Light a candle on the menorah. I have no idea just what they're for. Is that the rabbi over there praying? Too much Menacevitz. Who knows what he's saying? Why does he have a scalpel? The baby's going to have a brisk. What's a nice koi like me doing in a place like this? How big is the ring that you got? Hyperonica. We just started dating. It's a goy. Two weeks later, she's at my place for Christmas. Meet my uncle. Uncle Jimmy. He just had prostate surgery.

[Chick McGee]

Who's the old lady drinking Irish whiskey?

[Tom Griswold]

That's my grandma. Now she's singing Jingle Bells, standing on a chair, grab her drink, she almost fell.

[Chick McGee]

I just met Santa Claus he's really fat and jolly.

[Tom Griswold]

That's my dad in a big red suit and that's his best belly. By golly. What the hell does Santa Claus have.

[Chick McGee]

To do with Jesus?

[Tom Griswold]

I don't know. Drink your eggnog and nibble on these cheeses. Our Christmas tree will have a six pointed star we'll make it through the holidays as long as there's a bar, I'll wear a Santa hat. I'll wear a yarmulke. It's a shiksa Christmas and a goye Shahanuk. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back and have yourself a merry Little Christmas. For the rest of today, this is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. Another Patty G. Christmas song. Here, Pat, gonna have a song this time Tom gonna let him in? Yeah, I think so. Pat, you got working on something all right? Yeah, I'm ready to go. Pat seems a little down. Not down. I. I think here's. Here's Tom and Pat to explain why they're fighting. What happened there was he. He had a song ready and then you. Oh, you did? Yeah, I've been working on something. Oh, I had no idea it was done. I've been. I've walked by him six times this morning.

[Chick McGee]

You two never communicate.

[Tom Griswold]

I've tried to. I've tried to. I'm doing all I can. I know you just can't sit there. I do my best to not communicate with the people I'm fond of stuff.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, we noticed.

[Tom Griswold]

Give Kelly a call. You can't ask your about if you have terrible communicator. If you have a song, say something and if you. And you know he has a song, say something.

[Chick McGee]

Never step up.

[Tom Griswold]

Why aren't you saying anything? Wait, why aren't we asking Pat, have you communicated to Tom that you have this song? Yeah. Yeah. No, that's not true. I just said that's not true. Look at your text. Well, how about our conversations every month?

[Chick McGee]

Look at your.

[Tom Griswold]

I was in the coffee room.

[Chick McGee]

Why don't you talk to him? He's sitting.

[Tom Griswold]

I talk to him every morning. Don't listen to him. He knows. I communicate to him. I over communicate. Then I give up a day or two. Then I bad. Okay, this may be a give up day. I don't know. Pat said, oh, he had a song for one of the stories. Oh, okay. Why don't you do that? That's not what I said. Then he said, well, I said, which story was it? It was the one about the reindeer and the d. I told you I had a song for one of the stories and I didn't care for the way it turned out and I wasted an hour and she was sitting right here. Am I right?

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Huh. Okay, so you don't want to do that. I didn't want to do that, you know, but I had. I had something.

[Chick McGee]

What do you want to do that you.

[Tom Griswold]

It's not going to work now. I'm gonna come up like a big dick. You have to have a likable audience. That's. No, we're on. We love you. We do love whatever the song is. We. I promise we will chuckle. Is this a comedy song? I've mediated all I can. I don't know what to do. If I had a hammer Twas the night before Christmas oh, and Santa's in a dark he's all laid back and mellow and acting awful strange Was there something in those cookies in Boise? I don't know. Cassandra's saying, ha ha ha. Said a ho, ho, ho his old Saint Nick wasted Did he eat off the rock plate? He's laughing for no reason says the presents might be late oh, what was in those cookies? Santa's dancing in the snow.

[Chick McGee]

And he.

[Tom Griswold]

Keeps on playing Grateful Dead Instead of Nat King Cole that's the only laugh so far we know Santa's mouth I'm going ahead. Mouth is dry his eyes are red as Rudolph's nose He's stopping at Taco Bell has the munchies, I suppose. What was in those cookies back in. Nada. Cassandra's saying instead of. Santa seems buzzed Santa looks stoned. Let him sleep it off. Leave him alone. Yes. Santa saying instead of. Santa saying. Instead of saying, Relapse, I applaud you.

[Chick McGee]

That was a lovely you. You.

[Tom Griswold]

We teased you and you just tripled down, man. So Santa had a gummy. Is that what happened? Edible.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, he grabbed the wrong.

[Tom Griswold]

What was in those cookies, Boise? I don't know. No laugh. That's the one I was ticking. I know. What does Boise, Idaho have to do with anything? No, because. Travels all over the world and the turn of phrase, Boise, I don't know, is great.

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay. Okay. Yeah. All right. Why did they do this to you?

[Chick McGee]

You have a great song, and then they tear it apart.

[Tom Griswold]

That's what you. That's what you came away with after that song. Why. Why Boise, Idaho? What's that about? Why is. Why is it a yellow submarine? I don't know. What are you. What are you trying to get to? Because a yellow submarine would be unusual. Typically submarines. Well, Boise. The Idaho, for starters. Kind of singable.

[Chick McGee]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Yes. It worked great.

[Chick McGee]

It was wonderful.

[Tom Griswold]

No. And it goes. Idaho, ho, ho. There you go. Oh, I see. Okay. Very good. You know what, Pat? I. I think I found the weak link in this. I think. I think I might be on to something. You. For now on, you got a song. Give me the high, son. I'll give you the big eyes. You do. Tom, get joy out of seeing your friend suffer. And I. I can't. I can't. Yes, yes, you do get. No, no.

[Chick McGee]

You.

[Tom Griswold]

If you get. If you. The joy out of seeing everyone suffer, friend or not, I don't think I want to be with Tom. If we were, like, on a hike and I get into quicksand, I don't think I Want him with me because. Laughing uncontrollably laugh until it's just my nose. Yes. And I do believe he would then save me. But he will wait. And you know what he would say when he would look down, he'd see your nose and he would say, well, I guess we better get him out of there. That's exactly what would happen. There are some truth to that. One of us is sinking in quicksand. You're gonna watch us for a little bit. Yeah. And laugh and maybe throw things at us. Yeah, I can't throw things because I'm gonna be too busy with my camera. There are there. There are things going on in the sports world right now. And he's like, oh, boy. What happened then? Oh, yikes. Yeah, he's. He's in jail right now. Oh, geez. That's tough, huh?

[Chick McGee]

Oh, you don't usually go to jail for something good.

[Tom Griswold]

Occasionally people do. Not everyone's guilty, you know. Christmas in jail. Christmas in jail. I had a little too much to drink. I always buy lottery tickets as stocking stuffers anyway.

[Chick McGee]

Scratch off, scratch offs. I do too.

[Tom Griswold]

And I haven't done that yet. So I just saw. I noticed the stockings were out yesterday. Getting ready. So house. No, no, they were. I noticed they were sitting over by the fireplace. So that means it's time.

[Chick McGee]

Are they hung by the fireplace?

[Tom Griswold]

They're going to be. They were. You know, this is a process now, you guys a. A stocking hanger guy, I bet, comes.

[Chick McGee]

Over and you don't have the little things. You sit on the mantle that have the little hooks.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes, but eventually I haven't spell out Noel. I just am saying. I happen to notice it yesterday. Hooks for the stockings, they spell out Noel and then you get spell Le Leon as a joke. Was Leon here again? You don't like that song Hang yourself. The first. The first Leon. First Leon. Okay.

[Chick McGee]

You know.

[Tom Griswold]

No, we do it on the same.

[Chick McGee]

Day we put the trio.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, that's because you are a different religion now. That's true. I have one. Very funny. You're at the Truth Church of Santa Claus. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Check out the podcast that inspired Taylor Sheridan's latest series, Landman. There's a stretch of road in royal rich region of West Texas. This region of West Texas, known as the Permian Basin is in the midst of the biggest oil boom in history. This is a story of roughnecks, billionaires, air wildcatters and wannabe dreamers. My name is Christian Wallace from Texas Monthly and Imperative Entertainment this is Boomtown. Boomtown. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.