Transcript
Tom Griswold (0:15)
It's the Bob and Tom show.
Bob Kevoian (0:18)
Well, the church burned down and no one knew what Pentecost Baptist was going to do. The Sunday brimstone got so dad gum hot it burned up a church bus.
Christy Lee (0:26)
In the parking lot.
Bob Kevoian (0:28)
In a panic, the Reverend Dr. White called up an ex Mary that hadn't lived right. He owned Joe's beer joint right across the fence. It's the same Joe's he preached against. He said, I don't really want to be a hypocrite. I got a Sunday school class about to have fits. We're all excited about revival week and been moved by the spirit, so to speak. With all the souls we saved and money we spent. We thought God told us to sell that tent. I got a famous evangelist supposed to come and done run out of chairs. Will you loan us some? Joe says, hell, you can just use the whole dang place. Ain't I on a jukebox? Amazing grace. I ain't supposed to be open cause of them blue laws but we'll open the if it's all right with y'all. Preacher said, well, I reckon I'd be okay. The good Lord works in mysterious ways. Is gonna talk about Joshua, Judges and Ruth and I reckon I could do it from the DJ booth at the First Baptist Bar and Grill. It's the only church in the Bible Belt that smells like a whiskey still. When the sinners finish one more round we'll have dinner on the ground and go inside and hell, pray we don't get killed. The evangelists came with a well dressed choir. They showed up happy hour. Looked around the joint and didn't take it real well. Said the White, ministry has gone to hell, Ms. Mills, that taught you Sunday school and two deacons in the back room shooting pool Were sharing the Lord with a Jim Beam rep who was teaching Ms. Mills some line dance stuff. Reverend White was reading from the book a Luke to a tall drunk trucker about the puke. He had John 3:16 memorized. Trying to dry his ass out to get him baptized. The evangelist yelled about the lights and the beer. Said, white, you can't save any souls in here. This place ain't nothing but a din of sand. Ain't the kind of place baptized just ought to be in. Preacher said, well, we don't really need y'all here. You didn't do a very good job last year. Only save one sinner as Todd McGuire's a little sob that set my church on fire. Joe's beer joint has done been revived. Only been here an Hour and a done saved five sure it's got mirrors and a big dance floor But I finally found the flock God called me for There at the First Baptist Bar and Grill it's the only church in the Bible Belt that smells like a whiskey still not a stained glass wind anywhere in sight Just a bloodstained floor and neon lights and a communion wine and here is always chill we're here every Sunday we're living large the only church with a cover char and if you don't like our doctrine and think we ain't devout we'll have our bouncer Throw your butt out of the First Baptist Bar and Grill.