The BOB & TOM Show - December 30, 2024

Summary

Summary of "The BOB & TOM Show - December 30, 2024"

Release Date: December 30, 2024

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Introduction

The December 30, 2024 episode of The BOB & TOM Show delivered its signature blend of comedy, talk, news, and sports, engaging listeners with a mix of humorous anecdotes, guest appearances, and lighthearted discussions. Hosted by Tom Griswold, Bob Kevoian, Christy Lee, Chick McGee, and Pat Godwin, the show maintained its energetic pace from start to finish.

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Opening Sketch: Pentecost Baptist and Johnny Loud One

The episode kicked off with a comedic sketch about Pentecost Baptist Church's unexpected adaptation after their church bus burned down. Bob Kevoian narrated the chaotic yet humorous efforts to salvage their revival week, culminating in the introduction of Johnny Loud One—a quirky, fictional evangelist who preached from unconventional venues like the "First Baptist Bar and Grill."

Notable Quote:

• Bob Kevoian [00:28]: "It's the only church in the Bible Belt that smells like a whiskey still."

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Guest Segment: Pat Godwin and Musical Interlude

Pat Godwin joined the show to discuss his musical endeavors alongside Pat's comedic talents. The conversation delved into Pat's transition from serious singing to crafting humorous club hits, including a playful song about Johnny Loud One. The group engaged in a lighthearted exchange about songwriting and performance challenges.

Notable Quote:

• Pat Godwin [10:38]: "I think people with tattoos are just generally filthy."

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Discussion Topics: Tattoos, Sobriety, and Comedic Anecdotes

A significant portion of the episode focused on Chick McGee's tattoos and his journey to sobriety. Chick shared personal stories about his tattoos, including those related to his past and recent ones symbolizing his sobriety. The hosts and guests humorously debated the origins and implications of tattoos, especially those visible in professional settings like education.

Notable Quotes:

• Chick McGee [16:24]: "I like big women. That's what I'm into."
• Bob Kevoian [23:31]: "You can't have a good beard without some good stuff on it."

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Comedic Interactions and Banter

The dynamic between the hosts and guests was evident through their playful banter. Topics ranged from humorous takes on haircuts and personal grooming to exaggerated storytelling about mishaps and misunderstandings. The conversation often veered into absurdity, highlighting the show's commitment to comedy.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom Griswold [30:05]: "You're a great guy because you love all haircuts."
• Bob Kevoian [34:12]: "Do you like the song Ace of Spades? The motorhome tune? That should be your walk-in music."

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News Desk: Unusual and Humorous News Stories

Christy Lee spearheaded the news segment, presenting a series of bizarre and humorous news stories. Highlights included:

1. Bigfoot Convention in Ocala, Florida:

   • Discussion on the upcoming annual convention where Bigfoot enthusiasts share evidence and experiences.
   • Pat Godwin [40:04]: "Tickets are currently on sale for the conference."

2. Zebra Escaping in South Korea:

   • A zebra named Satisfaction Zero wandered through Seoul before being tranquilized and returned to the zoo.
   • Pat Godwin [64:06]: "He's been peaceful, just a wandering zebra."

3. Florida Man Stealing a School Bus:

   • A man named Daniel Sayas stole a school bus for an unauthorized trip to Miami but was apprehended while sober.
   • Pat Godwin [119:25]: "He said he was high and drunk when he stole the bus."

4. Australian Porn Star's Injury:

   • Liam Ellis suffered a penile fracture during a film shoot, leading to surgery and recovery.
   • Pat Godwin [56:56]: "He underwent surgery and has been prescribed a drug to prevent him from becoming too excited while he recovers."

Notable Quote:

• Pat Godwin [60:00]: "How do you rate this place? It's effing A."

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Music and Pop Culture References

The hosts frequently referenced music and pop culture, integrating songs like "Sweet Emotion" by Aerosmith into their discussions. They shared personal connections to music, including Bob Kevoian's experiences with Tom Jones records and humorous renditions of song lyrics to fit their comedic narratives.

Notable Quote:

• Bob Kevoian [157:00]: "You push a cat. That is from all of our listeners, Tom."

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Closing Remarks and Upcoming Segments

As the episode neared its end, the hosts teased upcoming guests and segments, maintaining anticipation for future shows. They also wrapped up with final jokes and humorous takes on the day's topics, ensuring listeners left with a smile.

Notable Quote:

• Pat Godwin [82:08]: "He's a rancher. He's a rancher. Good for him."

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Conclusion

The December 30, 2024 episode of The BOB & TOM Show successfully blended humor with engaging discussions, guest interactions, and unconventional news stories. The show's ability to navigate a wide range of topics while maintaining a comedic tone solidified its place as a favorite among listeners seeking both laughs and light-hearted entertainment.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Tom Griswold]

It's the Bob and Tom show.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, the church burned down and no one knew what Pentecost Baptist was going to do. The Sunday brimstone got so dad gum hot it burned up a church bus.

[Christy Lee]

In the parking lot.

[Bob Kevoian]

In a panic, the Reverend Dr. White called up an ex Mary that hadn't lived right. He owned Joe's beer joint right across the fence. It's the same Joe's he preached against. He said, I don't really want to be a hypocrite. I got a Sunday school class about to have fits. We're all excited about revival week and been moved by the spirit, so to speak. With all the souls we saved and money we spent. We thought God told us to sell that tent. I got a famous evangelist supposed to come and done run out of chairs. Will you loan us some? Joe says, hell, you can just use the whole dang place. Ain't I on a jukebox? Amazing grace. I ain't supposed to be open cause of them blue laws but we'll open the if it's all right with y'all. Preacher said, well, I reckon I'd be okay. The good Lord works in mysterious ways. Is gonna talk about Joshua, Judges and Ruth and I reckon I could do it from the DJ booth at the First Baptist Bar and Grill. It's the only church in the Bible Belt that smells like a whiskey still. When the sinners finish one more round we'll have dinner on the ground and go inside and hell, pray we don't get killed. The evangelists came with a well dressed choir. They showed up happy hour. Looked around the joint and didn't take it real well. Said the White, ministry has gone to hell, Ms. Mills, that taught you Sunday school and two deacons in the back room shooting pool Were sharing the Lord with a Jim Beam rep who was teaching Ms. Mills some line dance stuff. Reverend White was reading from the book a Luke to a tall drunk trucker about the puke. He had John 3:16 memorized. Trying to dry his ass out to get him baptized. The evangelist yelled about the lights and the beer. Said, white, you can't save any souls in here. This place ain't nothing but a din of sand. Ain't the kind of place baptized just ought to be in. Preacher said, well, we don't really need y'all here. You didn't do a very good job last year. Only save one sinner as Todd McGuire's a little sob that set my church on fire. Joe's beer joint has done been revived. Only been here an Hour and a done saved five sure it's got mirrors and a big dance floor But I finally found the flock God called me for There at the First Baptist Bar and Grill it's the only church in the Bible Belt that smells like a whiskey still not a stained glass wind anywhere in sight Just a bloodstained floor and neon lights and a communion wine and here is always chill we're here every Sunday we're living large the only church with a cover char and if you don't like our doctrine and think we ain't devout we'll have our bouncer Throw your butt out of the First Baptist Bar and Grill.

[Christy Lee]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

Good morning.

[Christy Lee]

Hello.

[Chick McGee]

From coast to coast, it's the Bob and Tom Show.

[Christy Lee]

Bob and Tom.

[Tom Griswold]

Bob and Tom. Bob and Tom. Many portions of the upcoming program have.

[Bob Kevoian]

Been pre recorded, meaning they've already happened.

[Chick McGee]

And they're about to happen again. So where was it?

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, we're glad to have you here.

[Christy Lee]

It's the Bob and Tom Show.

[Tom Griswold]

There's Pat Godwin.

[Christy Lee]

Hello.

[Tom Griswold]

Killing it with his club hits and his radio hits. More's coming. There's Pat. Josh Arnold.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hi.

[Tom Griswold]

There's Ace Cosby. Johnny Loud one will be right by here in a minute. Willie on assignment. I'm Chick McGee. Here's Tom.

[Christy Lee]

Thank you very much, Chick McGee.

[Tom Griswold]

You're welcome, sir.

[Christy Lee]

You know, Pat Goddard is a very fine comedian. Has several of his songs have won the. The International Songwriting Competition, as a matter of fact. And you've just. You've entered what, three or four more this year? Yeah, I think I did. Yeah. So we'll see what happens. But Pat also started as a serious singer. Oh, yeah. Ten years and wow.

[Pat Godwin]

That's what he leaned in. Right.

[Tom Griswold]

Club hits unwittingly. Some of the funniest stuff you've ever writt.

[Christy Lee]

I didn't mean it that way. We were enjoying it. Christy missed.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, I missed all that.

[Christy Lee]

Debuted a couple of these last week for us. And now you mentioned you have a song about Johnny Loud one.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, it's one of the. The lines.

[Christy Lee]

This is like a character, like a Springsteen esque.

[Bob Kevoian]

That was me.

[Christy Lee]

I'm Johnny Loud, you're Johnny.

[Bob Kevoian]

Loads of fun. All right, if you will.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Who'd have thought I'd be the one?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

To be drowning your musical avatar. Johnny Loud One. Johnny.

[Christy Lee]

Well, just. Could we hear it from the beginning? I don't really remember this one. Throw the seed among the stone There's a seed, Right. A seed.

[Bob Kevoian]

And watch how wild it's grown that's me.

[Christy Lee]

Tough and twisted.

[Bob Kevoian]

Something's missing and it's shoes.

[Chick McGee]

Shoes.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, that's sad.

[Bob Kevoian]

If it shows, we would know what the something. Johnny Loud one. Loads of fun. Who have thought he'd be the one hey, baby. To be drowning. No more clowning.

[Christy Lee]

Now it's really confusing. There was a seed There was a.

[Pat Godwin]

Farm he was the seed he became a wild one he just shut up.

[Tom Griswold]

He rhymed drowning with clowning.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sorry, kids. Birthday party's over.

[Christy Lee]

Clown fell in the po. Hard to swim in those big shoes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I know you're here for some peace and quiet, but I'm Johnny Loudwood, so.

[Christy Lee]

I'm sorry. So the seed of Johnny Loudwin has grown into you? Yeah, Correct. I'm going through some tough times.

[Chick McGee]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

The melody is very nice. In a Midwestern city. And then.

[Tom Griswold]

Lord love it.

[Christy Lee]

And then. So the clowning. Can you go to the clowning? And drowning again. I was chuckling too much.

[Bob Kevoian]

Johnny Loud One. Loads of fun.

[Christy Lee]

Are we missing something?

[Bob Kevoian]

Johnny Loud One, comma. Loads of fun.

[Pat Godwin]

He's a clown. He's funny.

[Christy Lee]

Okay, sorry, Johnny. Go ahead.

[Bob Kevoian]

Back to Johnny Loud One. Loads of fun. Who'd have thought he'd me be the one?

[Christy Lee]

Another one for this lady friend to be drowning.

[Bob Kevoian]

No more clowning.

[Tom Griswold]

No more clowning.

[Bob Kevoian]

Throw him a lie. Somebody please throw him a lie.

[Christy Lee]

I thought he drowned, but he just.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, he's drowning.

[Christy Lee]

Okay, so he. There's no one on the beach.

[Bob Kevoian]

No one in the boat.

[Christy Lee]

Boat.

[Bob Kevoian]

I guess there's a boat out there.

[Christy Lee]

With nobody in it.

[Tom Griswold]

Which is it?

[Bob Kevoian]

A ghost.

[Pat Godwin]

He's drowning, and there's nobody there to throw him alive.

[Christy Lee]

There's a boat right there. Swim over to it, for God's sake. Use those big.

[Bob Kevoian]

Why didn't you swim over to the boat?

[Christy Lee]

You got the big clown shoes on.

[Bob Kevoian]

All the lifeguards left their chair. Hey, anybody there?

[Tom Griswold]

Anybody there?

[Bob Kevoian]

Cause it sure ain't looking pretty here in Circle City tonight. No beach for a thousand miles.

[Christy Lee]

This is taking place in a landlocked. Landlocked Midwestern town.

[Bob Kevoian]

Not many lakes in the Midwestern town.

[Christy Lee]

I thought you said the sea. Didn't you use the word sea?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I did.

[Christy Lee]

What is it? The salt lake. When.

[Bob Kevoian]

When it rains, it pours trite salt on open sores.

[Christy Lee]

So it is Salt lake.

[Bob Kevoian]

I was right. But there's no one on the beach still.

[Tom Griswold]

Nobody on the beach.

[Bob Kevoian]

No one in the boat. I guess it's single swim.

[Christy Lee]

Too tired to float.

[Bob Kevoian]

Floating takes no effort. Corpses float.

[Tom Griswold]

No, no. That's how tired he is though.

[Bob Kevoian]

He can't even just lie there.

[Christy Lee]

Nope.

[Bob Kevoian]

And the calls catch no one here because no one wants to hear Johnny Loudwood.

[Christy Lee]

I understand why they're afraid you'll see.

[Bob Kevoian]

This, but he cries anyway. Here comes the tide.

[Tom Griswold]

The tide?

[Christy Lee]

Then you go to the course. There's tide in a lake.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm doing my laundry.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, Josh.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes?

[Tom Griswold]

You ever wash your clothes in tide?

[Bob Kevoian]

Of course I do. It's too damn cold to wash them out. Tide. Hey, Johnny Loud one. So what happens? What's in the news? What happens to Johnny Loud One? That's the end.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Here comes the tide. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Again. So there's tide at a Midwestern lake.

[Bob Kevoian]

Because it sure ain't looking pretty here in Circle City tonight. Then you're just a fade out studio. Fade.

[Christy Lee]

Yes, it sure.

[Bob Kevoian]

Can you drown pretty?

[Pat Godwin]

I think so.

[Bob Kevoian]

Here in cir.

[Christy Lee]

So.

[Pat Godwin]

Depressed?

[Bob Kevoian]

Sad?

[Christy Lee]

Nobody. I've got a new line for you, cuz. This is where you've got the. You've got the. Your. Your data sitting there next to you in the piano bench. You're playing this. And I want to play this. Just.

[Pat Godwin]

I know.

[Christy Lee]

Johnny is a loner.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Christy Lee]

Don't raging.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh my God.

[Christy Lee]

Tonight.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh boy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Johnny Loud One coming for you. You try to sleep. I make a lot of noise. If you're looking for peace and quiet, I'm not your man wasn't there. He had a couple sons, right? Because eventually there were songs done by Loud one. Rain Waiting.

[Christy Lee]

Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

The third.

[Christy Lee]

Johnny Loud one.

[Bob Kevoian]

That song in the middle of the Road.

[Christy Lee]

And his son Rufus, of course.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, thank God. Could you answer that, please?

[Tom Griswold]

You can answer, Tom. People can hear you.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hello, Bob and Tom show. Hey, Bob and Tom. Sound check over or you need more time with you?

[Christy Lee]

We got it. I'm sorry.

[Bob Kevoian]

What do you think of those tapes?

[Christy Lee]

Tapes?

[Bob Kevoian]

I like him tapes for getting. It's tuning up pretty good. Perfect timing considering it's Happy VD day. That's right. Hey, Christy, I got a heart on for you again. It'd be nice if you could return the favor and get that child support check to me for Cupid. Ends up on Cheaters. Where to God?

[Christy Lee]

I'm talking about Valentine's Day.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't want you guys twisting it. Cause when it comes the other kind of vd. My lead bass player, Todd Boner, he's an expert.

[Christy Lee]

Oh really?

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, he's had so much experience with it, he claims he's no longer allergic. Most of them, Tom.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Bob Kevoian]

After years of road beef, he's basically Immune to HPV and H vac. And that's about the booster.

[Christy Lee]

Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

You guys celebrating for Valentine's night?

[Christy Lee]

Of course.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm going solo. Flex again. You know, I like to break up with most my girlfriends week before Christmas.

[Christy Lee]

And not get back with him till.

[Bob Kevoian]

The day after Easter.

[Christy Lee]

Why?

[Bob Kevoian]

Think about it. Keeps me from having to spend time with her family and from having to buy her anything at all. It's basic economics 101, Tom.

[Christy Lee]

Okay?

[Bob Kevoian]

It mostly spend way too much on Valentine's. I bet Josh does this. Take her out to eat, then you gotta get her flowers. Then you're in so deep, then you want to save money. But spoiler alert, them flowers at the roadside memorial smell like gas and engine oil.

[Christy Lee]

Pretty good.

[Bob Kevoian]

I get a better class. Yeah, be sure to spray them with like perfume or fabuloso first. But then they're gonna expect an entire Whitman sampler. I found that out the hard way. And I gave Margie Stills in a Mars bar. What happened?

[Christy Lee]

She.

[Bob Kevoian]

She threw it at me and then started crying. And just when I was rounding third. Next thing you know, she kicked out the dome light.

[Christy Lee]

Good thing I was borrowing Todd Boner's Mazda. But then you gotta get a big.

[Bob Kevoian]

Box of magnums for the occasion and get them all you can for Ro vs Wade takes all our r. Swear to God. And that's what gets me. Why come Wade Bogs even care so much about it anyways? Just drink your bear, eat your chicken and shut up.

[Christy Lee]

Hey, Good morning. Welcome to the best of the Bob and Tom show. This is Christopher here in the Bob and Tom studios. On the big show today, Jimmy Pardo, Dusty Slay, Greg Hahn, spontaneous planned sex and lots more. But coming up next, the big guy, comedian Sam Miller. It's next on the Bob and Tom show. Get in zone. AutoZone. Welcome to AutoZone. What are you working on today? So you've got an oil change coming up?

[Bob Kevoian]

We can help you save on the.

[Christy Lee]

Right oil for your vehicle.

[Bob Kevoian]

Right now, get five quarts of Castrol Edge full synthetic or Castrol Edge full.

[Christy Lee]

Synthetic high mileage motor oil with an.

[Bob Kevoian]

STP Extended Life Oil Filter for just $35.99. Visit one of our 6,000 stores or order from AutoZone.com for same day store.

[Christy Lee]

Pickup or next delivery. Restrictions apply. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. On this Monday morning, the gang is back in here live one week from today. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Boy, we love this guy. Funny guy. Big guy. It's Sam Miller on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. At the news desk, it's Jess Hooker.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hello.

[Tom Griswold]

There's Pat Godwin in the performances.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hey, Chick.

[Tom Griswold]

Josh Arnold is here at the sidekick chair.

[Christy Lee]

Hi, Chickster.

[Tom Griswold]

There's Ace Cosby. Hey, I'm Chick McGee. And here's Tom Griswold with our very special guest.

[Christy Lee]

Well, thank you very much. We are joined in the studio by comedian Sam Miller. If you. How do I word this? You can't see Sam. Sam is a man of a certain size.

[Tom Griswold]

Unless you're watching YouTube.

[Christy Lee]

A big fella. You could see him on the YouTube. That's right, the Bob and Tom YouTube channel.

[Bob Kevoian]

See?

[Christy Lee]

How tall are you, Sam?

[Chick McGee]

I am six foot six. I am £360. Three hundred and seventy right now.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, okay.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, but I've been doing cardio.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. And it's working. It's just my legs are bigger. My middle is the same size.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sure, you gained some of that muscle.

[Christy Lee]

You. Yeah, yeah. It's good to see you. And now, by way of background, you are. Now you're a married man, is this correct?

[Chick McGee]

Very married.

[Tom Griswold]

Very married.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'm really good at being married. It's really easy. I'm not into that. A lot of people are into the poly stuff.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't.

[Christy Lee]

Poly.

[Chick McGee]

Multiple.

[Bob Kevoian]

Polyamorous.

[Tom Griswold]

Like a. Like a throuple, Tom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three people.

[Christy Lee]

No, thanks.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thruffle?

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, no, no.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. I have a hard time with math, so I just. One on one, baby. That's what I'm looking for.

[Bob Kevoian]

No zone defense.

[Christy Lee]

Just stay focused.

[Chick McGee]

No, no, but that's great to be back. Thank you for having the discussion.

[Christy Lee]

We'll check in with you in a matter of. Mom. Get a couple quick news headlines sitting in. As you can see, for Christy Lee, it's just Hooker. Looking good today, Jess.

[Tom Griswold]

Thanks.

[Christy Lee]

Tom. There was some implication that I was saying, suggesting you had a lot of work done to your house. Not.

[Pat Godwin]

Right, right, right.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Work on our place, but there we go.

[Christy Lee]

Now, yesterday, we had a fascinating story about a guy that had a ruler tattooed on his finger.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes, we did.

[Christy Lee]

He must have been a carpenter or something.

[Bob Kevoian]

There's a Navyman, wasn't he? Yes, he worked on the ships.

[Tom Griswold]

Navyman.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Navyman.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that what they call.

[Bob Kevoian]

Absolutely.

[Christy Lee]

Seamen? Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, they like to be called navum.

[Christy Lee]

So he. But I thought it was interesting he was able to be handy if you were a carpenter.

[Tom Griswold]

Don't you think people with tattoos are just generally filthy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Filthy, filthy people.

[Christy Lee]

Right.

[Chick McGee]

I don't trust.

[Tom Griswold]

I noticed you have a tattoo of an AK on your right arm. Is that it?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, that was a mistake.

[Tom Griswold]

I tell you, I hate tattoos, and I hate them who wear them?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, a chick has.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm showing.

[Chick McGee]

I got this gun tattoo to look tough. And then after I got sober, I got a job at a preschool, and they. They made me wear a sock on my arm.

[Bob Kevoian]

Like Mick Foley. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

And the kids would. The kids would be like, what's wrong with your arm?

[Bob Kevoian]

And I was like, I got a boo boo.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, you should have totally turned that into a puppet. That would have been puppet time.

[Bob Kevoian]

And there's a hand grenade as well. There's. There.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. Yeah. I used to have, like, a temper.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. That let people know.

[Christy Lee]

Did it?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

What about the fish?

[Christy Lee]

What's on the other arm?

[Chick McGee]

Well, I wanted the other arm to be chill because the balance I can't see. Daisy.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

That's very cool. Looks like a big, big fish. And now, have you gotten any tattoos since your, well, well publicized sobriety?

[Chick McGee]

I got. Yeah, I got the seagull on my. My new ones that I got. Since I've been on the show. I got a seagull on my knee.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

Because joke I used to do about how when I got sober, there was a rumor going around that I was eating seagull eggs, but it's not true. I never ate seagull eggs. That's a rumor.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

And I also just got the Capitol Theater signed from Olympia, Washington. And that's the theater that I woke up in front of on June 10, 2008, my last day. Homeless. And also where I recorded my debut comedy album, how cool is that? Same theater now, where's that one? That's in Olympia, Washington.

[Christy Lee]

No, no, no, on your body.

[Chick McGee]

I also got the tattoo in Olympia. And, no, it's on my leg. And it's still, like, it's still healing. It's still. It still hurts a little bit.

[Tom Griswold]

Boy, that's a. That's a Netflix movie waiting to happen, right?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. I'm still waiting for the call.

[Christy Lee]

You woke up homeless on the street in your own vomit.

[Chick McGee]

No, no, no.

[Bob Kevoian]

No idea.

[Christy Lee]

I'm making this move.

[Tom Griswold]

Could have. Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I, like, didn't Jimi Hendrix die.

[Tom Griswold]

Choking on his own, but he didn't wake up. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, no wonder. It wouldn't be such a good movie, would it?

[Chick McGee]

No, I. I woke up under a tarp with a homeless lady. We were doing tarp stuff.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, I'm not gonna go into Details.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, Pat, you like the tarp?

[Bob Kevoian]

I was gonna say you don't have.

[Pat Godwin]

To be homeless to do tarp stuff.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, you could do blanket stuff. You could. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

But I always. I always tell folks, like, I was homeless too, so it wasn't that weird at all.

[Bob Kevoian]

Right.

[Chick McGee]

That would have been weird if I woke up with like, a middle class lady.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Or vice versa if.

[Pat Godwin]

If you were out for tarps and weren't.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, some preppy frat guys. Well, you know, banging a homeless babe at the front of the gutter.

[Tom Griswold]

You know how this works. You know how this show works.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know when you say like that, it's not as hot as.

[Chick McGee]

You really killed the vibe.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, there's some housewife out there right now. That's her thing is banging a homeless guy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

Maybe she has her husband dressed up like that.

[Christy Lee]

I. I doubt it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Better possible, I guarantee. No, you know, it's out there.

[Tom Griswold]

I guarantee you it's.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, how long were you homeless, Sam?

[Chick McGee]

It was. It's complicated because I lived in a barn for a while.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

But I guess.

[Tom Griswold]

Sounds nice.

[Chick McGee]

Well, it's still technically homeless.

[Christy Lee]

Was anyone aware that you were living in the barn?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, cuz they didn't want me in the house.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, right.

[Chick McGee]

They were like, go to the barn. I was like, like, Jesus, like, what a deal.

[Christy Lee]

Did you sleep in the hay or.

[Chick McGee]

No, there wasn't any hay in the barn. No, I was. I was upstairs. You know what's weird? This is a weird thing I used to do is I had a carpenter's pencil and I would write like math equations on the ceiling, but I don't know anything about math.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

I just wanted the next person that lived in the barn to think that the other person who lived there was really smart.

[Bob Kevoian]

Will Hunting? Yeah. No, no, no.

[Chick McGee]

I watched that Beautiful Mind movie. I was like, maybe I'm secretly a genius.

[Christy Lee]

Wow, that's.

[Bob Kevoian]

Didn't Patrick Swayze and Roadhouse sort of live in a bar? In good company before they were popular. But while you were without. What do they. What do they call it now? Temporarily unhoused?

[Tom Griswold]

No, it's.

[Christy Lee]

Yes, they're houseless.

[Tom Griswold]

They're not homeless.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Temporarily unhoused, I believe, is the current.

[Chick McGee]

I used to work at a shelter. And I get why they use those terms because, like, if you're like, oh, that person's homeless, and like, that's. There's a lot of different types of homeless folks. A lot of reason people get homeless, so I get it. But also, I don't Care what people mean.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, right.

[Christy Lee]

I'm technically homeless because I don't live in an rv, so. Right. You could be RV less.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, I'm yachtless. Yes. I'm trailerless.

[Christy Lee]

So you're trying to put a positive spin on right now?

[Bob Kevoian]

I feel we're being classless.

[Christy Lee]

No, I think tasteless.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes. Yeah. Sam, were you ever hit on by, like, what. What Tom was asking about, like, a. A housewife.

[Chick McGee]

I would go home with women. Women. Yeah. Like, because.

[Tom Griswold]

There you go.

[Chick McGee]

Because. Because, you know.

[Christy Lee]

Did they know that you were gonna stay?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I tried. Every dog has his day.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sure.

[Chick McGee]

You know, but usually I date these women and it take them like a week and a half, and they'd be like, I've never seen his place.

[Bob Kevoian]

And it's like, actually, have we just drove by?

[Christy Lee]

That's my box.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. In a way, I have more homes than you.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

So did you. How did you clean your clothes?

[Chick McGee]

You know. God, I can't believe I'm going to talk about this, but I used to just wear overalls. Like, I had this one summer, all I wore was overalls and football cleats, and I would just jump in the lake, like, my whole self, and I.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Did you say football cleats?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. I was a good football player in high school, and I went to my mom's house because I wore out my shoes, and all I could find was offensive lineman cleats. And I wore them until they became regular shoes. Like, the cleats.

[Christy Lee]

You wore off the cleats.

[Bob Kevoian]

That is efficient.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Because cleats don't really give that kind of traction on asphalt. No field. Yeah, I bet.

[Christy Lee]

So you found women that found a shirtless guy wearing overalls with a lot of BO and police they wanted to take.

[Bob Kevoian]

Temporarily unclean. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

I think they thought I was an.

[Bob Kevoian]

Artist or a tap.

[Christy Lee]

That's true. There you go.

[Chick McGee]

They were like. Or they hated their dad. I don't know.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know, either way, it worked out.

[Tom Griswold]

Probably it's a win. Win.

[Christy Lee]

Sam Miller is our guest, and I brought up the tattoo thing because you have some prominent tattoos, but Ms. Hooker has actually had a couple of tattoos removed.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

And they. They were in. Well, they were on your fingers.

[Bob Kevoian]

They were on my fingers, yeah. In college, I thought it would be funny to get a Fu Manchu tattooed.

[Tom Griswold]

On both of my fingers.

[Christy Lee]

In other words, she's got a big line in the fingers.

[Bob Kevoian]

You can't see it anymore. I had them removed.

[Christy Lee]

You hold them up your mouth. Show them how you do it.

[Bob Kevoian]

You do this this.

[Chick McGee]

That's awesome.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. I mean, it would have been equally effective if I would have just had a Sharpie and drew them on there.

[Christy Lee]

But on the occasion of a fun party.

[Bob Kevoian]

Right?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

So, yeah, I had those.

[Bob Kevoian]

That. That was the first tattoo.

[Christy Lee]

And you did have. You had them. Technically, they were removed. Removed. Yeah. Do you mind if I ask what that cost?

[Bob Kevoian]

That one was, like, I want to say, like, 12, $1500.

[Christy Lee]

What?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. And right now I'm in the middle.

[Pat Godwin]

Of having a sleeve removed, so.

[Bob Kevoian]

So that's got to be thousands.

[Christy Lee]

It's not cheap.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, no, those. Those tattoos are cheap.

[Tom Griswold]

That's why you're getting them cheap and really, really hot. Okay.

[Christy Lee]

Now, Sam, has anyone ever offered to. Would you want to get the. Whatever. Do you have sword gun removed?

[Chick McGee]

No. I don't know. It's a good reminder of, like, kind of like the person I was and who I was trying to be and who I'm not anymore and who I am. And also, like, I don't. If anybody ever wants to be. And I think, Jake, you'll understand, like, if anybody ever wants to be, like, oh, I don't like that. Because he's got tattoos, it's like, all right, man. Peace out, dude.

[Bob Kevoian]

Like, yeah, that's not a positive. Good filter. Yeah, sure. But you.

[Christy Lee]

You had. You had the sense not to put any on your face.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. That's an unfortunate trend I keep seeing.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. I don't know, man. The world keeps moving forward.

[Christy Lee]

I don't think that's.

[Tom Griswold]

No, but you really have to find. You hunt to find a tattoo artist who would put something on your face.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Some of them don't do it.

[Tom Griswold]

Some of them. Absolutely. And they. They don't.

[Christy Lee]

They have standards.

[Tom Griswold]

They really, like, interview you if you want to have a name.

[Bob Kevoian]

Anywhere.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, they're really careful about that, too. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

I had a friend of mine who went to prison in Northern California, and this was before face tattoos were a thing, and he came back and his whole face was tattooed, and I remember seeing him and just being like. And gasping.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

But now I see it. I see it quite a lot.

[Bob Kevoian]

Post Malone is going to popularize. He got the tattoo in prison.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I think so. I think so. Yeah. And I don't know. I'm not gonna get any tattoos on my face. I got a good. I got a cool face.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, you do. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

And I. My body is going to be what it's going to be, so I should.

[Christy Lee]

Probably really focus on what you say. You're six six feet. What is it?

[Chick McGee]

Six, six. And I'm 370 right now. I always say 360, but I'm 370. 70. But I go. I went to the doctor. My blood pressure is good. It's not good, but it's. It's. It's safe.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Yes.

[Christy Lee]

You have a lot of tattooable real estate, if you will, on your body.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Vast amounts of flesh.

[Chick McGee]

I got a joke about that, about big women, and I love big women, and it's nice because they got more room for tattoos, you know, larger canvas.

[Christy Lee]

Is your. Is your a wife, a woman of a certain size?

[Chick McGee]

She is, and I love it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Sam has told us many. He loves the bigger women.

[Christy Lee]

She.

[Chick McGee]

She rules. She's large. I like big women. That's what I'm into. I've always been romantic, too, you know, I like to make a little bath. Like the. Draw a bath, but you don't put too much water in there.

[Christy Lee]

Sure.

[Chick McGee]

With the big lady.

[Christy Lee]

I know what you. This is Archimedes rule. Yeah, right. Yeah, sure.

[Tom Griswold]

That's right.

[Pat Godwin]

There you go.

[Chick McGee]

Is that our Archimedes?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

He was way ahead of his time. Yeah. He was bathing big, beautiful women.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. And he learned.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, he learned.

[Christy Lee]

A lot of people learn that rule when they're doing that turkey thing with the deep fryer and they put. They put the oil in and then they put the turkey in, and the oil catches the house on fire because there's too much. That's Archimedes right there. So you said your wife is also a. A large lady, to be kind. What. How do you like to describe her? Rubin esque beautiful or Rubens s?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, she's beautiful.

[Chick McGee]

I call her beautiful and amazing, and I miss her. And I can't wait to get back.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes. Good for you, Sam.

[Christy Lee]

I'm being complimented.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, you're not. That's the thing. Anytime you say to be kind, it's the meanest part of the sentence.

[Pat Godwin]

Usually.

[Tom Griswold]

You haven't said chunkles yet.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that. But you have.

[Christy Lee]

No, I was. Because he was saying that she was a large gal, so she had more room for tattoos.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

I appreciate you having my back.

[Christy Lee]

I thought he'd have her back, but it's too big.

[Chick McGee]

Tom scares me on some levels. On some levels, not at all.

[Christy Lee]

You jokingly said that.

[Tom Griswold]

His ass. Kick his ass.

[Christy Lee]

Your wife has a lot of room for tattoos.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, she's beautiful.

[Christy Lee]

So what does she. So I. My. I'm trying to get this up, but Josh keeps interrupting me.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, okay.

[Christy Lee]

What kind of tattoos does she have.

[Chick McGee]

She's got all kinds of stuff, man. My favorite tattoo she has is of a. Like a pinup girl, like, nursing. And she got that after our first son was born.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, that's sweet.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, it's really cool. And she's got a lot of stuff. She's got a Gilda Radner tattoo.

[Bob Kevoian]

Nice.

[Christy Lee]

A portrait of Gilder.

[Pat Godwin]

Gilda.

[Chick McGee]

It's. It's kind of like they have, like, the 13 on the 13th. You know about this? On Friday the 13th. A lot of tattoo shops they run.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, they do, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And you get to pick one of the ones that they post, right? Yeah, yeah.

[Chick McGee]

And she picked the Gilda.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

And by the way, on a very sad note, Joe Flaherty died.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes. Oh, I saw that.

[Christy Lee]

The great SCTV actor. But, yeah, so see the guy?

[Chick McGee]

He was in Happy Gilmore or.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Jackass.

[Christy Lee]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was on Freaks and Geeks. What was. He did the fake late night host on sctv Just Count Floyd. Really hilarious. And. Yeah, who else? I'm trying to think of the other.

[Tom Griswold]

It was also Guy Caballero.

[Christy Lee]

There you go.

[Tom Griswold]

He was a general manager of sctv.

[Christy Lee]

Very funny.

[Tom Griswold]

He was in a wheelchair but didn't need it. Yeah, he'd hop out of the wheelchair when he got mad.

[Christy Lee]

Very, very nice.

[Tom Griswold]

No, we're gonna be there again.

[Christy Lee]

No, we're acknowledging. Look, it's just hooker over there.

[Bob Kevoian]

Here I am.

[Christy Lee]

You ever see a Linda Ronstadt album from about 1979?

[Bob Kevoian]

I got my hair cut and there's.

[Pat Godwin]

Lots of feathering and bangs, and I.

[Chick McGee]

Think you look great. I think it's fun.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thanks. I like it too.

[Christy Lee]

I like it.

[Pat Godwin]

I know it's not necessarily popular, but I'm very nice.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thank you.

[Chick McGee]

I'm a great guy because I love all haircuts.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah. All.

[Pat Godwin]

That's a good lesson to learn.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. I don't.

[Chick McGee]

It's. It's really.

[Christy Lee]

I hate most. I think the. The current fashion for men. I can't stand with the shave side. Guys look like they're poodles. Ridiculous. They're in the Hitler Youth.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, you're gonna hate this.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm this close to getting a pixie cut. Just.

[Bob Kevoian]

Just. Who hates that? I know Tom does. Oh, I didn't. I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

Heterosexual men. Anybody else?

[Bob Kevoian]

No way, man. Like a pixie. Real cute.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I think they're me.

[Tom Griswold]

And you hear what you say before you say it or you just blurt it out.

[Christy Lee]

Sorry. Han and I are both on that list.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Han.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Don't, don't. Don't give yourself the butch haircut, ladies, unless you're. You know.

[Chick McGee]

I love women with really short hair. Yeah, from. Because I had the hots for Sigourney Weaver and aliens.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

I also like girls that fight aliens.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. So maybe it's that super hot.

[Pat Godwin]

There you go.

[Christy Lee]

Okay, well, I'm sorry. So sorry. So you're gonna get a. You're gonna get the old laptop.

[Bob Kevoian]

I. Like, every 10 years, I just chop off and we're.

[Pat Godwin]

We're coming to that time.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay. Yeah. How short? Like just a pixie. It's. It's short. She's not going to go. Goes with a Gozerian. Yeah, no, I'm not. I mean, it's. It's not going to be a buzz cut or anything. There's going to be a style.

[Christy Lee]

Could we vote? Could we have, like, a no. Audience participation thing?

[Tom Griswold]

I don't think so.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, I really, I don't.

[Christy Lee]

Fine.

[Bob Kevoian]

Fine.

[Tom Griswold]

Are you going to ever admit how preoccupied you are with hair and haircuts and because you're bald? Does that.

[Christy Lee]

That.

[Tom Griswold]

Does that enter into this conversation?

[Christy Lee]

No, it has nothing to do with.

[Tom Griswold]

It has Sam Senior sideburns, though. I. I don't think you. You. You do a service.

[Bob Kevoian]

Tom's significant other is out of town.

[Pat Godwin]

And when she's gone, he doesn't have.

[Bob Kevoian]

To shave his sideburns.

[Tom Griswold]

He looks like Millard Fillmore.

[Chick McGee]

It looks like those little kid hats that you tie at the bottom.

[Christy Lee]

I would consider that an insult if it weren't an insult. No, don't cut your hair. Your hair looks great.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do whatever you want, Jessica.

[Christy Lee]

Thanks, Josh. You can do whatever you want.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you want to have a job here?

[Christy Lee]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Bob Kevoian]

What's the worst thing that's going to happen? You get fired. Boy, oh, boy, what a blessing.

[Tom Griswold]

No more therapy.

[Christy Lee]

Coming up in just a couple of minutes. How about some Tom Speak on a Monday morning? You'll get it. Coming up next, this is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Pat Godwin]

You met Lala Kent on Vanderpump Rules. Now Lala and her friends share everything on Give them Lala Bagel.

[Bob Kevoian]

Everybody says I say that Weird.

[Pat Godwin]

It has ruined my proposal story.

[Christy Lee]

How Jason proposed and she was like, he brought in a bunch of bagels.

[Bob Kevoian]

I was like, I have to stop this.

[Pat Godwin]

I will punch you in the throat if you ever tell this story again.

[Josh Arnold]

And call it a bagel.

[Christy Lee]

Let me tell you now, when I tell the story, I go, he went and got breakfast. There you go. Bagels yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Watch what Lala is talking about on YouTube.

[Christy Lee]

YouTube.

[Pat Godwin]

Or search for give them Lala wherever you listen.

[Christy Lee]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show on this Monday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. You know, when Tom speaks, sometimes it's. It's kind of like another language. He'll say something, he'll describe something that has actually a very much easier term to use than he uses a lot of times. Let's get some Tom speak on this Monday morning here on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Tom Griswold]

Josh Hart looking dapper today.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thank you.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, you're welcome. What? I'm Chick McGee and here's Tom Griswold.

[Christy Lee]

Thank you very much.

[Pat Godwin]

We're all in black, like we're supposed to be. I guess it's our new official uniform.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, we are all wearing black today like that. Even Godwin's.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, I know, it's crazy.

[Christy Lee]

Wow. I see a radio show and they're all wearing black.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

All right, now see, that's. That's perfectly acceptable. Whereas my discussion of black things earlier seemed to get a bad reaction.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, there was a reason for that.

[Christy Lee]

Okay. I thought it was quite.

[Tom Griswold]

But hang on a second. Don't shortchange your mention of gay people earlier.

[Christy Lee]

Don't listen to me. That was a character.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that right?

[Christy Lee]

Mocking that guy. Okay. Not. Not the other thing. Let's see now, where were we? Oh, we have more Tom speak.

[Pat Godwin]

We do.

[Christy Lee]

A lot of it, actually. Do you want to explain what Tom speak is, Christy Lee?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. That's when you are trying to come up with a word and you can't come up with the word. So you. For example, we had wind chimes. This is one of my favorites. What was it? It was something piano. Air piano, which I love. That's the air piano.

[Christy Lee]

You're trying to. You're trying to think of a word. You can't think of it.

[Pat Godwin]

I can't think of it. So you just come up, you know.

[Christy Lee]

You know the air piano.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

When my daughter was little, writes Melinda, she liked bagels with cream cheese.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, who doesn't?

[Christy Lee]

She could never think of cream cheese, so she called it bagel butter.

[Bob Kevoian]

Bagel butter.

[Christy Lee]

That's perfectly legit.

[Pat Godwin]

Having that for breakfast myself. Thank you, Chick.

[Christy Lee]

You're welcome.

[Bob Kevoian]

Nice schmear.

[Christy Lee]

While fishing for panfish with my four year old, he looks at the basket of crickets and says, do we have enough fishing bugs? Yeah, fishing bugs. I love the kid earlier. Little. Little boy who asked if his. His dad could get his worm to do more advertising. Because it wasn't getting hit on.

[Bob Kevoian]

What a pandemic fish. They are. Flat bluegill. Yeah, right.

[Tom Griswold]

They have faces. They have two eyes on the same side of their face. And they look like a pan good for eating.

[Pat Godwin]

Those are flounder.

[Tom Griswold]

Shut up.

[Christy Lee]

When my daughter was around six, the family was on a long trip. We passed by a cemetery in a silent car. And my daughter suddenly asked, what do you call a garden of dead people?

[Chick McGee]

Oh, God.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, that cemetery. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

We have called it a garden of dead people.

[Bob Kevoian]

It is a garden of dead people.

[Pat Godwin]

It is.

[Christy Lee]

What was the other one we had? It was a stone forest. A stone forest.

[Pat Godwin]

And the aquarium.

[Bob Kevoian]

Death aquarium?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Death aquarium. Doesn't that sound like a movie? Yes, or Stephen King. Death aquarium. Sounds like a weird place. Here's a really. See, these are so great. This guy writes, I have trouble sometimes, like Tom, coming up with the right words. Words. Recently I couldn't come up with the word lasagna. And I uttered the only thing I could think of. You know, a pasta cake. Perfectly legitimate.

[Pat Godwin]

Legitimate.

[Christy Lee]

That's a great idea. Pasta cake. Let's see. This is Rusty writing you from the high plains of Wyoming. Oh, that sounds beautiful.

[Tom Griswold]

Really high plane drifter.

[Christy Lee]

What's your problem?

[Tom Griswold]

No, nothing.

[Bob Kevoian]

I wonder if he's near the nuclear silos. Oh, yeah, they're up there.

[Christy Lee]

Are you? I'm happy that they're there. Otherwise you'd be speaking Russian, you commie.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, no, no. I'm not saying they shouldn't be there.

[Christy Lee]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Just because he has forearms, he should.

[Bob Kevoian]

Just know that he's a target.

[Tom Griswold]

None of his sweaters fit.

[Christy Lee]

It's fine. That's right. You all you anti nukers.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, no.

[Christy Lee]

I'm one of these days when there's no power, the wind. The wind fan out at sea isn't giving you enough electricity to operate your vibrator. Then you'll then remember when Tom said.

[Tom Griswold]

Nope, they can have this vibrator when they fry it out of my cold, dead hands.

[Pat Godwin]

I thought you're gonna say your cold, dead ass.

[Bob Kevoian]

Have you tried that?

[Christy Lee]

This is.

[Tom Griswold]

This is actually, I have not. I think I have a really, really exceptionally tight.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, you don't have to insert. Just, you know, let it hang out.

[Christy Lee]

Hey, ladies.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I'm talking over here. Oh, sorry.

[Christy Lee]

You want to continue how long it was? If you want.

[Tom Griswold]

He was sitting over there looking at us like, I wonder where this is going.

[Christy Lee]

If you want to continue your little orifice love session, please do it elsewhere. This is really. This is interesting because this guy who has a very unusual name. We'll just call him Mr. Grosvenor.

[Tom Griswold]

Is this a guy in Wyoming right now? Yeah. Okay. He's right above the Yellowstone caldera, so he better get his affairs in order.

[Christy Lee]

Caldera. It sounds like caldera. It also could be a men's cologne. Yeah, it smells like a volcano. Don't.

[Tom Griswold]

Don't make an ash of yourself.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, nice. And caldera. What is it again? Is it caldera or caldera?

[Tom Griswold]

I believe it's caldera.

[Christy Lee]

And this is the.

[Pat Godwin]

Like a caulder.

[Christy Lee]

It's going to explode.

[Tom Griswold]

So I want to say several mile wide pocket of magma. That's why you have your old faithful geysers. And it may blow and the earth moving will blow.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's just a matter of when. We don't know.

[Christy Lee]

He said as a commercial plumber for many years in Boise, Idaho, all the sparkies, electricians would refer to the exhaust fans in restrooms as fart fans.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Remember we had a kid who wrote and said fart suckers is what they call those. Those turn on the fart sucker.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, you can. You can buy those. And a guideline would be, how much air does it move in a certain amount of time? Like so many cubic feet of air in five minutes.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah, and we have a industrial one in the back here in the men's room.

[Tom Griswold]

Really?

[Christy Lee]

In the men's club?

[Tom Griswold]

Are you sure?

[Christy Lee]

That's why it's so. That's why it's so noisy.

[Tom Griswold]

Are you sure that's real fan?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, we put it in as a joke. That's why it's so loud in there.

[Tom Griswold]

You ever noticed you install that?

[Christy Lee]

No, but I said as a gag. Why don't you guys get. I talked to met, learn. I said, hey, can you guys get.

[Pat Godwin]

Like super cool or do you make it so loud so people don't hear what's going on?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, your mom.

[Bob Kevoian]

That bathroom is awful.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, awful. It's always been awful.

[Pat Godwin]

Actually there since 1910 or something.

[Tom Griswold]

I haven't. I don't think I've been in that bathroom for 30 years.

[Christy Lee]

It's called the men's club. And it was built in the 30s, right? It was part of the original building.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean, it looks like a bathroom you'd find in some abandoned apartment building in the eastern block.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, exactly.

[Bob Kevoian]

Crazy.

[Christy Lee]

You never done did any work back in in there?

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, I did. Up until probably I started getting laid regular.

[Christy Lee]

Well, let's move from our garden of dead people and bagel butter to Christy Lee at the silac news desk. What's happening?

[Pat Godwin]

Bigfoot believers are set to descend on Ocala, Florida next month for the fifth annual Great Florida Gases.

[Bob Kevoian]

Excuse me. What are you.

[Pat Godwin]

Why you won't even let me finish this?

[Christy Lee]

Sorry. I'm sorry. It's a Bigfoot convention.

[Pat Godwin]

Thank you.

[Bob Kevoian]

They can share evidence in a great Florida Bigfoot.

[Josh Arnold]

They should.

[Christy Lee]

Do you know what they should do for the first. The first keynote speaker. Josh.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wait. Who's that?

[Christy Lee]

How to take a picture that isn't so fuzzy.

[Bob Kevoian]

I bet they have a symposium.

[Tom Griswold]

We live in a world to develop your own photos.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. 99% of Americans are carrying around a very high quality camera on their phone. And yet we can't get a good picture of bigger.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's about werewolf all. That's what it's about. And it's also about. We all know that the government and other such entities can see everything we're doing on our phones. I bet there have been many pictures that have been clearly taken of Bigfoot that have somehow been deleted from people's phones.

[Christy Lee]

Organizers, your paranoia is so charming.

[Pat Godwin]

Promise an all star lineup of Bigfoot researchers, investigators and authors ready to interact with fans and discuss their experiences and findings.

[Bob Kevoian]

Very good.

[Pat Godwin]

Wkmg like magic.

[Tom Griswold]

We're number one.

[Pat Godwin]

Reports the conference will also include events such as Share your experience.

[Christy Lee]

Well, my wife had just run off with my brother in law. I was finishing some moonshine in my shed.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

And having relations with my. My cousin. It's a man. It's okay. And that's when I saw Bigfoot.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know. What's the name of the thing you just said? What's the. The one of the meetings.

[Pat Godwin]

Share your experience.

[Bob Kevoian]

And that's why they have to have that. Because those who do share their experience.

[Pat Godwin]

Get treated like that.

[Bob Kevoian]

Men like Tom.

[Tom Griswold]

Right.

[Christy Lee]

This is by. This is like Comic con for guys that have a bunker.

[Pat Godwin]

Attendees can tell their personal stories of close encounters with Bigfoot. Tickets are currently on sale for the conference. It's scheduled for June 8th.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

They'll have a. They'll have a booth for flat earthers. No, a booth selling for preppers.

[Bob Kevoian]

Maybe preppers, but not. Because you do need to be prepared.

[Christy Lee]

For $100, we got food for three years.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, that's your look. You can mock that you won't be having any of mine.

[Christy Lee]

That's right. Try.

[Tom Griswold]

Just try to get into my bunker.

[Christy Lee]

Do you have a base basement?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes. And it's filled with MREs and bottled water.

[Pat Godwin]

And he's prepared.

[Bob Kevoian]

And Vaseline and ammunition that you can't Purchase legally anywhere.

[Tom Griswold]

And what do you do? You share your story. What's the actual wording of that, Christy?

[Pat Godwin]

The share. Your.

[Bob Kevoian]

The. That's the share experience. Yeah, that's a whole other convention.

[Tom Griswold]

Sorry.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

The share experience.

[Pat Godwin]

That's my favorite impression you do.

[Tom Griswold]

If I could turn back time.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's a little off today.

[Tom Griswold]

That is a little off.

[Pat Godwin]

No, you're.

[Tom Griswold]

If I could turn back time. No, maybe not.

[Christy Lee]

Maybe not today.

[Tom Griswold]

For the.

[Christy Lee]

But Chick, you should feel.

[Bob Kevoian]

Would you make out with sheer.

[Tom Griswold]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

$500,000?

[Christy Lee]

No. Why not? Share's lovely. She's a really nice person. She's cool.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I think so, too.

[Christy Lee]

She's real smart.

[Bob Kevoian]

I would. I. I was just wondering if Chick would.

[Christy Lee]

Why? What's wrong with Cher?

[Tom Griswold]

I don't care for the way she looks.

[Pat Godwin]

All right, fair enough.

[Tom Griswold]

I'd rather kiss a horse.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, there you go.

[Christy Lee]

I think that's okay. It's important for you to underscore your sh. It's important for Chick to underscore his deep shallowness. Actually, you have deep shallowness.

[Bob Kevoian]

You.

[Christy Lee]

You'll be so shallow. Coming up next hour here on the Bob and Tom Show. Hang on to something. Greg Hahn is coming up. But coming up next on this Friday, spontaneous planned sex. Next on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Bob Kevoian]

Bob and Tom. Hi, there.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm Nicole Khalil, host of this is.

[Christy Lee]

Woman's Work, where together we're redefining what it means, what it looks and feels like to be doing woman's work in the world today. From boardrooms to studios kitchens to coding dens, we explore the multifaceted experiences of today's woman, confirming that the new definition is whatever feels true and right and real for you.

[Pat Godwin]

We're torching the old playbook and writing our own rules.

[Christy Lee]

Who runs the world? You decide. Follow and listen to this. Is Wombs Work, part of the Believe.

[Pat Godwin]

Network on your favorite platform.

[Christy Lee]

Hi, and welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. This is the best of the Bob and Tom Show. How about some spontaneous planned sex? I don't even know what that means.

[Tom Griswold]

There's Josh Arnold.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hi.

[Tom Griswold]

There's Ace Cosby. Hey, there's Willie Griswold.

[Christy Lee]

What's up, man?

[Tom Griswold]

Willie and I had a meeting real quick in the hallway. LA Chick McGee. And here's Tom Griswold.

[Christy Lee]

Thank you very much. We were discussing this somewhat confusing scientific study about spontaneous intimacy as opposed to what they call planned sexual activity.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't think we can call it anything as we haven't even gotten to the story yet.

[Bob Kevoian]

We certainly can't call it confusing.

[Pat Godwin]

No, because we've gotten one line.

[Christy Lee]

Maybe if you'd be quiet, we could get to it. Oh, wait a minute. You've got the story.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hey, shut up and read.

[Pat Godwin]

Researchers have found spur of the moment sex no better than sexual activity that has been scheduled and planned. Scientists surveyed thousands of participants in romantic relationships about their sex lives. They learned that while respondents.

[Tom Griswold]

Christy, it's learned. Okay, come on.

[Pat Godwin]

Endorsed the idea of spontaneous sex. There was no difference in how satisfying a sexual encounter was reported to be based on whether it was planned or happened spontaneously. Well, that's because the end is always the same, isn't it?

[Tom Griswold]

The end is incredible.

[Christy Lee]

And yeah, it also depends if it's planned nightly or. Or bi. Monthly. Yeah, yeah, or annually.

[Pat Godwin]

Study authors highlighted that planned sex is not necessarily scheduled. But carving out time for sex can help take pressure off those waiting around for the mood to strike.

[Tom Griswold]

What you doing standing there in the living room? Oh, just waiting for the wagon to pull in. You know what I'm talking about.

[Pat Godwin]

But you know what? If you have that on the calendar, you could build up the desire. The anticipation is there.

[Christy Lee]

Josh, what are your thoughts on this? Do you just spontaneously grab a T shirt or do you have a favorite.

[Pat Godwin]

Look at him. Look at you. Do you see that face?

[Christy Lee]

Enjoyed that joke.

[Pat Godwin]

That was.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, he tried.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Drag an ace into it.

[Bob Kevoian]

That is a fair question. Sometimes I will have it near me. Other times, I have to go get it.

[Christy Lee]

Okay. I'm so sorry we're talking about this with a partner. Clearly, I misunderstood.

[Bob Kevoian]

What if it's planned and it's not your primary partner?

[Christy Lee]

I feel like if you're cheating, planned activity must be so fun, because you're.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sneaking around, you're going to a parking.

[Christy Lee]

Garage, using a fake name to check in.

[Pat Godwin]

This leads to Chipmiggy's payoff.

[Christy Lee]

This leads to Chick McGee's famous story about his post operative lecture from his doctor.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes. During one of the legal entanglements, I was married at the time. We're sitting there, and the doctor looks at me and goes, now you probably shouldn't have sex, for this is after your heart surgery. At least six weeks, probably eight weeks with anyone else.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hey. Hey, Doc.

[Tom Griswold]

What?

[Christy Lee]

Way to go, blabber mouth.

[Bob Kevoian]

Good God. She's in the room, I'd imagine.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah, she's sitting right there.

[Christy Lee]

And then we heard the exact same story from the great comedian Robert Schimmel.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, but luckily she was very reasonable, so I could explain.

[Christy Lee]

So Willie, your point is well taken. Apparently so. Again, I would use the pizza analogy. That.

[Tom Griswold]

Attaboy.

[Christy Lee]

I mean, if someone brought ace of delicious pizza right now, just out of nowhere, the delight, the spontaneity of a delicious pizza pizza would be. Don't you think? Would be better than if you knew.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, you're talking about yourself here. You would prefer the spontaneous.

[Christy Lee]

No, I hate everything.

[Pat Godwin]

I was gonna say you hate spontaneity. You hate surprises.

[Tom Griswold]

I try to surprise you three or four times a week, and you hate me.

[Bob Kevoian]

So are your intimate encounters planned?

[Christy Lee]

No, I don't plan anything. But the point is, I just don't like surprises.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, did everyone hear what he just said?

[Christy Lee]

Did he say, I don't like anything? No, I don't plan anything.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't plan anything.

[Christy Lee]

I try to never, never work.

[Tom Griswold]

And I don't like surprise.

[Christy Lee]

Now, Pat, you said that you were postponing your Valentine's Day celebration. Is that correct?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, that always works.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, there was a. He had a thing.

[Bob Kevoian]

It can be fine. It can be fine, right?

[Tom Griswold]

Did she get you anything?

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't know yet. We had a big family issue last night, so.

[Christy Lee]

But, I mean, have you settled what day The Valentine's Day celebration?

[Bob Kevoian]

We have not. We have not.

[Christy Lee]

You know, this. Can I just say something? Something, Since I'm sure she's not listening. Remember the idea that I gave you? Yeah, I like that. You got time to get that done today or tomorrow? I do indeed get that done. I'd help you out, but I got a family thing going on.

[Bob Kevoian]

Christy, if your man had said, hey, you know, Tuesday. Why don't we wait until Friday or Saturday and have a really nice evening? Would you be bothered by that?

[Pat Godwin]

Not at all.

[Bob Kevoian]

It doesn't have to be on the day.

[Christy Lee]

No, that's why I'm saying, let's move. Move Christmas to a Monday.

[Pat Godwin]

That way that's different.

[Christy Lee]

I mean, Easter's always on a Sunday. See there? They're willing to move that. No. No one.

[Tom Griswold]

No one.

[Christy Lee]

No one.

[Pat Godwin]

No one's gonna jump on this one Valentine's Day. There's too much pressure. Anyway, it should be fun. It should be fun.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Okay, well, we got a couple of nice letters from folks that wanted to thank Stephen Singer.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, how nice.

[Christy Lee]

For making their Valentine's.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, I got one of those yesterday, too.

[Christy Lee]

Did you also get the one from Thinking Tickle Kitty?

[Pat Godwin]

No.

[Christy Lee]

Hey, look, Charlotte is looking forward to Friday night. All right. Thank you. Tickle. Tickle Kitty is the. Yeah, they plan Sex toy place. Okay, I'm sorry, Christy. Let's get back to you. What else have you got over there? Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Wait a minute. I wasn't here for Tickle Kitty when Sadie was on the air, but there was a box left on my desk, but everything in it was for a man, so. Thanks a lot.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, we thought you were gonna give it to your man.

[Pat Godwin]

He doesn't need it.

[Tom Griswold]

Here's the thing.

[Christy Lee]

I don't know. Has Leroy ever tested out the Jackutron? We. The Jackutron?

[Bob Kevoian]

I loved everything about Leroy.

[Christy Lee]

It's a watch and a special device.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sounds like the worst episode of the Jetsons.

[Tom Griswold]

Did you say Leroy?

[Christy Lee]

He did nothing of a name. I didn't want to use his real name.

[Pat Godwin]

Leroy. That's pretty funny.

[Bob Kevoian]

You think there's like a peloton type sexual device where you watch a monitor and they tell you, keep going.

[Christy Lee]

You almost got this.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, we're almost there. I thought you meant like your feet powered something going.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, no, we do.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean, there are homemade sex.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, what's the movie with Burn after Reading. Yes, Burn after Reading. George Clooney has invented something and I'm gonna go out for a run. Great movie. Great movie. Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

All right. We're gonna continue with science. Recent research indicates that the average penis length of human males has increased in recent decades.

[Christy Lee]

I have a question.

[Tom Griswold]

Say it loud.

[Christy Lee]

Say it proud.

[Pat Godwin]

Scientists compiled data from 75 studies conducted between 1942 and 2021.

[Christy Lee]

Whoa.

[Pat Godwin]

On nearly 56000 men discovered the average erect venous length increased by 24% over the last 29 hours.

[Christy Lee]

I wondering did that actually increase or is the man's perception of what it is increase?

[Bob Kevoian]

Or do the old men have shrinking penises?

[Christy Lee]

No, but this isn't like one man over time.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's from 42 to 2,000.

[Christy Lee]

In 1942, the average length was whatever.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, they're not.

[Christy Lee]

But I assume it's based on interviews. They don't actually measure people, do they?

[Bob Kevoian]

They're not surveying people who were born well.

[Pat Godwin]

I would think they would.

[Christy Lee]

No, they're saying the average when 1942 was X and2022. Got you this plus 24%, is it?

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, guys have gotten better at lying.

[Christy Lee]

I think is really that her vaginas are shrinking. Have they thought about that?

[Pat Godwin]

The trend was not isolated.

[Bob Kevoian]

She doesn't talk much. She's a real shrinking vagina.

[Josh Arnold]

Funny, I shrunk.

[Pat Godwin]

The vagina was not isolated to a specific population, according to Dr. Michael Eisenberg. Eisenberg thinks the change in length might Be explained by earlier puberty. Boys, like girls, have been reaching puberty earlier in recent years.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that right?

[Pat Godwin]

He said that might give their bodies a longer time to grow.

[Bob Kevoian]

Really?

[Pat Godwin]

Yes, yes. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I think actually, though, it has to do with genetics and the chicken.

[Christy Lee]

I'm wondering about the accuracy of the database, frankly, if they're just asking men what?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, now, wait. Even if it's in 1941. 42, 80 years and you're questioning the results?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Really?

[Christy Lee]

If it's just based on interviews, it doesn't say it's based on the greatest generation. Those guys weren't going to lie about it.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean, couldn't it be hormones and food?

[Christy Lee]

Maybe it's the kind of thing that contemporary culture needs in the commercial world. We live in the American penis now, 24% larger to reach those hard to get places. Are they making condoms the same size as they made them back in WW2?

[Pat Godwin]

No. Now we have all kinds of sizes, don't we?

[Christy Lee]

Many, many, many WW2. Could this entire thing be thrown off by the existence of Shaq?

[Bob Kevoian]

Is he affecting the curve, if you will?

[Christy Lee]

You know, sometimes when they do those things, they. Yeah, they. They have to throw out the biggest and the smallest and just take the middle ground. Okay, well, here's a.

[Tom Griswold]

An email from Joel.

[Pat Godwin]

Joel.

[Christy Lee]

Joel.

[Tom Griswold]

He's speculating on a sexy Tom. As far as I'm concerned. He says Tom's romantic thoughts go a little bit like this. I see Fred McMurray from the movie the Apartment. It's Valentine's Day, and Tom looks at the significant other and said, hey, it's Valentine's Day. Here's a hundred dollars. Go get your son.

[Christy Lee]

We have lots more coming up on this Monday morning. How about Greg Hahn? Comedian Greg Hahn is coming up next. St. Standby. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Bob Kevoian]

Bob and Tom.

[Christy Lee]

Welcome back on this Monday morning. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Actually the best of the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher here in the Bob and Tom studios. Love this guy, too. It's comedian Greg Hahn.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm Chick McGee and we have a Bob and Tom comedy legend in the house.

[Bob Kevoian]

As they say, Tom, I have an email about said legend.

[Christy Lee]

What about Greg Hahn?

[Bob Kevoian]

That's right. Sandy writes in, says, good morning, handsome men and gorgeous Christie.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, thank you.

[Bob Kevoian]

I work at Rollins College. Hey. In Winter Park, Florida. And I recently discovered Greg Hahn is an alumnus. True. I feel honored to walk the halls where Greg and Mr. Rogers once walked. Did you know Fred Rogers? Yeah, apparently was an alumnus.

[Christy Lee]

I better send them 100 bucks. Bucks?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, College. They wonder bucks.

[Christy Lee]

Awesome. That's a beautiful. Thank you. I'm glad she said hi. Spot part of Orlando.

[Bob Kevoian]

How about that?

[Christy Lee]

I used to live there before I lived in DeLand.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, really?

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, Deland.

[Bob Kevoian]

Christy, what's happening in the news?

[Pat Godwin]

Why do they call it deland?

[Christy Lee]

Well, Christy, I'm so glad you asked because it's not too far from D.C.

[Bob Kevoian]

Josh, when you tried to change the.

[Christy Lee]

Subject, he was scratching his arm like.

[Bob Kevoian]

Like when somebody does shaving a haircut and doesn't finish the two bits.

[Christy Lee]

There we go. Greg Hahn is here with us. And Greg is once again a resident of Florida. Have you officially changed your residence to save tax money?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes. Yeah, Florida.

[Christy Lee]

Great man. Hey, by the way, I'm trying my.

[Bob Kevoian]

New invention today, Soundproof pants. Do you hear anything?

[Christy Lee]

No. How about now? Those are amazing. Greg is out there on the road doing this and that while he looks for a new concept. Hondo, if you. If you have a company party and you want to have some fun, I would recommend calling Mr. Han. How would on earth would I ever find you? Greghon.com I fired my agent. Call me up, okay? Like, we're looking for Mr. Han.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hey, what's going on? How are you?

[Christy Lee]

We have finally have to go to the news desk with Chris Lee.

[Pat Godwin]

We finally have to go.

[Christy Lee]

We've missed everything.

[Tom Griswold]

We've been trying to dodge it all.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean.

[Tom Griswold]

All right, go right ahead. What do you got, Tom? Back to you.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

An Australian porn star suffered a debilitating penis injury during a recent shoot.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, my lord.

[Pat Godwin]

Mr. Liam Ellis is out of commission for the next month or so.

[Bob Kevoian]

Not familiar with Liam's work after suffering.

[Pat Godwin]

The injury while filming a particularly energetic scene. Do you think he goes by the name Liam Ellis? That's not a very pornographic sounding name, is it?

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

He's got to just be huge then.

[Bob Kevoian]

Because if you can't be a novelty twice, he's got to have a really big one.

[Pat Godwin]

All right.

[Christy Lee]

Not as wild as my porn name was.

[Pat Godwin]

What was yours?

[Christy Lee]

Edward William.

[Pat Godwin]

He said in reference to his genitals quote. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but a while later it turned completely black. Oh, I did some googling and it was pretty obvious I had something called a penile fracture. The 34 year old underwent surgery and has been prescribed a drug to prevent him from becoming too excited while he recovers. Almost.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's very tatted up.

[Pat Godwin]

Very tatted up.

[Christy Lee]

And it says here this. This is a different version of the story it says former drug dealer turned porn star out of action. That's an inspiring story.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, that's why he has all the tats. Probably.

[Christy Lee]

Yikes. But he said his male member actually turned black. Wow. This is while filming. He injured his male member. Yes, because I've heard of slipping a disc, but Slipping.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh boy.

[Christy Lee]

Do people get the sinus cancer cast?

[Pat Godwin]

I don't think they put.

[Bob Kevoian]

How does that make national news?

[Christy Lee]

International. Yeah, it's on the international newswire.

[Tom Griswold]

International newswire.

[Christy Lee]

Does he get workers comp for this? Does he get like paid vacation for this?

[Pat Godwin]

Maybe.

[Christy Lee]

That's a very good question.

[Tom Griswold]

Didn't he say he didn't know he broke it until it turned black?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

There you go.

[Christy Lee]

Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

Stop complaining.

[Tom Griswold]

It's the silent.

[Pat Godwin]

Wouldn't you feel it or hear it or something?

[Tom Griswold]

Silent injury.

[Bob Kevoian]

He may have at the time, but he didn't know how bad.

[Christy Lee]

It'd be great if. Are they going to release the footage and this footage?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, it was during a three way.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, really?

[Christy Lee]

Wouldn't that be great if you had like one of those what's his name, John Madden telestrator things. Hairs where you.

[Tom Griswold]

Really close to slipping out that first time, but now. Oh, there he goes. Oh, that's where it happened.

[Pat Godwin]

Are you watching the scene? What are you doing over there?

[Bob Kevoian]

No, I'm just reading more.

[Christy Lee]

Okay. Didn't Dennis Rodman famously do this?

[Pat Godwin]

I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

There was and there was. There was some either famous sports star or movie actor that famously did this. It's an actual thing.

[Pat Godwin]

Sure.

[Christy Lee]

Wow. I. I'm not sure exactly what happened.

[Pat Godwin]

But did you find out what happened?

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, it was in the middle of a so called Devil's three way.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, they serve that over at Skyline?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, they do. It's really spicy chili with onions and cheese. You guys bring it together.

[Christy Lee]

In this case, a 12 inch black sausage.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. And he. Apparently there was a misfire. Is the quote Misfire? Yeah. How's that a story? Don't act like you're not interested.

[Pat Godwin]

Authorities in New York State arrested six teenagers for damaging fences as part of the Kool Aid Man TikTok challenge.

[Christy Lee]

Oh yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

According to the Patch, a homeowner in center reach heard a loud noise in the middle of the night and after checking surveillance cameras saw 16s kicking several sections of his fence down. Teens returned hours later and all ran through the fence at the same time. The practice mimics the fruit drink mascots Pinchon for smashing through walls and fences as he runs through them.

[Christy Lee]

Aren't they brick in the Kool Aid commercials? Yeah. Yeah. Kids try that.

[Pat Godwin]

Police responding to the call were able to apprehend the teenager shortly after the incident. Incident?

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, no.

[Pat Godwin]

Detectives found there were at least two other instances. Damaged fences in the area. The five juveniles and one 18 year old were charged with several counts of criminal.

[Bob Kevoian]

My mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me.

[Christy Lee]

The new challenge is the get sodomized in jail against your will challenge. Well, hey, kids, you know how to make Kool aid? You know how to make pruno? You know what pruno is, Greg?

[Bob Kevoian]

No, I don't, but it sounds funny.

[Christy Lee]

Pruno is wine you make in prison in the toilet. Oh, yeah. Not in the bowl, by the way. You make it in the tank. Just want to be very clear, okay?

[Tom Griswold]

The. The first Kool Aid commercial, they're at a skating rink. They're all enjoying themselves.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

And Kool Aid bursts through behind where they keep all the skateboard gates. Oh, it looks like where you keep your clothes in your old house with all the little cubby holes. Yeah. He comes busting through.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah, he says. And then it gives the kids Kool Aid. And remember, Tom, don't bring Kool aid to a gin party. Okay? Just don't do it.

[Christy Lee]

In my day, it wasn't destructive. If you were drinking Kool Aid, you were either getting high in LSD or about to watch you and all your friends get executed.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wouldn't it have been amazing if they had done a Kool Aid commercial?

[Tom Griswold]

I don't.

[Bob Kevoian]

Where a man is standing in front of all these people, sitting crisscross applesauce on the grass in front of them.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Just wearing these white sort of robes.

[Christy Lee]

The weird thing is that Jim Jones didn't actually serve Kool Aid.

[Bob Kevoian]

Right? Right.

[Christy Lee]

Like a generic koolaid, right? Yeah, but Kool Aid. But Kool Aid. The permanent joke is drinking the Kool Aid. Based on that horrible incident and a Kool Aid, they're going, hey, we didn't do it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Apparently. Get. Oh, go ahead.

[Christy Lee]

Well, you gotta.

[Bob Kevoian]

You gotta buy a lot of it.

[Christy Lee]

If you're doing a group suicide. You're not gonna go for name brand stuff.

[Bob Kevoian]

May as well go generic, right?

[Christy Lee]

You wanna keep the overhead low if you're gonna be dead tomorrow.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, I would do the opposite. I would feed them the best.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, look, this is your last drink, your last go around. What do you want him to.

[Bob Kevoian]

Delicious funk. Hey, what's the name of this? Apparently, Pat Godwin the sniper struck again. We didn't know It. What'd I do this time? We were talking about the Devil's three way. Han asked very, very comically if that was an entree at Skyline Chile. Pat apparently said, yes. It's brought to your table by two guys.

[Pat Godwin]

I heard that. I giggled. Two guys?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Good job, Pat.

[Bob Kevoian]

Very good. Thank you. Sniper.

[Christy Lee]

What else have you got, Christy?

[Pat Godwin]

Well, here's another story you're gonna love. Japanese authorities arrested a man for defecating on another person's bicycle seat.

[Christy Lee]

Now we're getting somewhere.

[Pat Godwin]

According to Sora News24, a teenager discovered the nasty surprise on her bike which had been parked outside a station in Soma City.

[Bob Kevoian]

Her bike?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. Police investigating the incident arrested a 28 year old man on suspicion. Suspicion of vandalism. He later admitted that he was attracted to the victim and specifically targeted her bike.

[Bob Kevoian]

Leave her a gift. Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Those details about the fecal attack are scant. Police were specific. The seat had been defecated upon rather than the feces being placed or smeared.

[Bob Kevoian]

Dom, where are you at?

[Pat Godwin]

On said so.

[Christy Lee]

Wait a minute. So he had to climb up on top of it?

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, how would you on a seat. Bicycle seat.

[Tom Griswold]

I think I would. If I go in my hand and put it on the seat, I would.

[Pat Godwin]

What?

[Christy Lee]

That's the only way to do it?

[Pat Godwin]

No. Apparently.

[Christy Lee]

So this guy is doing this in order to meet. Meet a young lady.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

He needs to read a book.

[Christy Lee]

Hey, grandma, how'd you meet grandpa? Oh, it's a funny story. Yeah. I walked out of the coffee shop and there was a guy dropping a massive deuce on my Schwinn. So I knew he was interested.

[Bob Kevoian]

I know you didn't want to say deuce at all.

[Christy Lee]

You had the alliteration.

[Bob Kevoian]

Exactly.

[Pat Godwin]

How do you.

[Tom Griswold]

But how would you get high enough off the seat to be able to.

[Bob Kevoian]

You stand on the pedals. Somebody who's done this.

[Christy Lee]

You'Re gonna. It's gonna fall onto your shoes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

But to keep your.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, you gotta be. You gotta aim real well.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. You have to keep the balance. You have clenched it.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think you kind of start with your butt against the seat. Yes. And as it's exiting, you rise.

[Pat Godwin]

And then you discussing this at link.

[Bob Kevoian]

You lay it down like one one ices a cake.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Could we. Cat, you have a song for this?

[Bob Kevoian]

I could do something for him. Oh my God. It's crazy.

[Christy Lee]

So crazy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Just what some people do. It's not because he's lazy and couldn't find the loo. He says it was because of attraction. Why? He made a major Transaction it don't sell Smell sweet upon this seat. That bicycle wasn't meant for number two. A bicycle built for number two.

[Christy Lee]

Putting the BM and bmx. Wow, that is disgusting. Do we have anything That's a happy news over there.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, happy news.

[Bob Kevoian]

I like that. That story included the phrase fecal attack. That sounds like a band.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Just say hello to her.

[Christy Lee]

And then what you do? You say hi.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, ask for her phone number.

[Christy Lee]

Then tell her she's blocked.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's how I do it.

[Christy Lee]

You're quite the ladies man.

[Pat Godwin]

You're sitting next to the master right there.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm in my prime. I'm in my prime.

[Christy Lee]

I should be playing football for the Dolphs.

[Bob Kevoian]

Flying for the Blue Angels.

[Christy Lee]

Playing bass for Pink.

[Tom Griswold]

He's got it all figured out.

[Pat Godwin]

Also, in Japan, they're baffled by a mysterious metal sphere that washed up on a beach.

[Bob Kevoian]

What is this?

[Pat Godwin]

This is Cool School and Hamamatsu City.

[Tom Griswold]

What? What is it?

[Pat Godwin]

Hamamatsu City.

[Tom Griswold]

So you're not stuttering.

[Bob Kevoian]

You say it every time a hot girl walks by. Oh, I live over there in Hamamatsu.

[Pat Godwin]

City. According to Acai News. I don't know.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, come on.

[Pat Godwin]

Asahai News. A local woman reported the sphere to the police. It is described as being a rusted iron ball nearly five feet in diameter.

[Christy Lee]

It's huge.

[Pat Godwin]

With a handle like Prot would allow it to be hooked on.

[Christy Lee]

It's like Caucasian, flesh colored.

[Pat Godwin]

The outlet also reported that an X ray scan revealed the object to be hollow.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hollow?

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

What is this?

[Christy Lee]

It's something that fell off.

[Pat Godwin]

We don't know. It's a mystery object washed up on the beach.

[Christy Lee]

It's scary.

[Bob Kevoian]

Of course.

[Christy Lee]

The most famous scary ball ever seen on a beach was Hitler and a speed.

[Bob Kevoian]

It work a lot going on.

[Tom Griswold]

What did you think was going to happen?

[Christy Lee]

I wrote that this morning. I was so proud of using the.

[Bob Kevoian]

It is scary. The man himself is scary.

[Christy Lee]

Using the word had only one ball.

[Bob Kevoian]

In a Speedo.

[Christy Lee]

In a Speedo.

[Tom Griswold]

In a punchline.

[Christy Lee]

This is okay. Sorry, I'd hate to get these.

[Bob Kevoian]

Nope, I'm with you.

[Christy Lee]

Hate to bring any history into this. Wow, it does look like a giant robot testicle. You know your favorite robot, don't you?

[Tom Griswold]

Iron Giant.

[Christy Lee]

Iron Giant. It looks like the Iron Giant's left ball.

[Pat Godwin]

Does he have balls?

[Tom Griswold]

No, he doesn't.

[Pat Godwin]

I think so.

[Tom Griswold]

No, he's a nice giant.

[Pat Godwin]

He thinks he's a nice giant, but he's been castrated.

[Tom Griswold]

Go ahead, watch. Make fun of me. Go ahead, watch that movie and not cry.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

Wonderful movie.

[Tom Griswold]

Have you seen Iron Giant Willie?

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah, That's a good one.

[Christy Lee]

It's great. I cry in every movie, though. I cried at Paddington 2. I watched that on the plane years ago. Paddington 2 is a great movie.

[Tom Griswold]

I haven't seen Paddington.

[Christy Lee]

Hugh Grant should have gotten the Academy Award.

[Pat Godwin]

You would like it, Chick. It really is good.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, the Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent or whatever. The Nicholas Cage movie. They go on and on about how great Paddington 2 is in that movie.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you ever see man on Fire? Oh, yeah. It's a good one.

[Tom Griswold]

I. I love Man.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's a great movie.

[Christy Lee]

What is it about Richard Pryor?

[Tom Griswold]

At point in the movie?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

A character asked Denzel Washington, what are you gonna do? And Denzel answers, kill him. Kill them all. And that's what happens.

[Christy Lee]

Well, then he goes to the gun.

[Bob Kevoian]

Shop and he turns into Rodney Dangerfield. Give me two of those. Six of those. Night of the Naked Lady Exploding teas. It's great.

[Christy Lee]

Great. Christy, what else you got?

[Pat Godwin]

In Tennessee, authorities arrested a man who reportedly ate two bags of chips that someone else had stolen from a convenience store.

[Bob Kevoian]

I didn't know.

[Pat Godwin]

W R E G.

[Christy Lee]

I'm Reggie.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think you're dealing with regurgitated news.

[Christy Lee]

All of our viewers are regular.

[Pat Godwin]

Then, after getting into an argument with a Circle K store clerk in Parkway Village, things are on foot at Circle K. Took an entire display of chips and put them in his car. Memphis Police Department said that while the man was walking out with the display, several bags of chips fell on the ground.

[Bob Kevoian]

Nothing.

[Pat Godwin]

After the suspect drove off, another man, Joseph Braswell, picked up two bags from the ground. Minutes later, officers found Braswell with crumbs on his face. They reviewed video footage and concluded that Mr. Braswell was aware of the theft that had occurred.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, so.

[Pat Godwin]

The 36 year old was subsequently arrested on charges of theft of merchandise. Less than $1,000.

[Bob Kevoian]

Why not save everybody the headache and just have him pay for the chips?

[Pat Godwin]

You know what they were valued at? $4. 98.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

It's not less than five or down.

[Christy Lee]

It's less than $5.

[Bob Kevoian]

Just make them pay.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Here's five bucks. It's never happened. Okay?

[Pat Godwin]

Very.

[Bob Kevoian]

Give her a stolen anything.

[Christy Lee]

No, I've had guns on me, though, and stuff. I was real polite and. What do you mean the guns away worked out.

[Bob Kevoian]

Walking around campus. What? What did you do that they made.

[Christy Lee]

I was wearing a green hat and they thought I robbed a bank. A bank robber just robbed the bank with a green hat. Whoa. I was Just driving along wearing my green hat. And the guy was an undercover cop.

[Bob Kevoian]

Behind me, honking at me with his lights.

[Christy Lee]

I thought, who's this guy?

[Bob Kevoian]

And I pulled over to beat him up. I'm like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna knock this guy out.

[Christy Lee]

I pulled over and I got the whole thing. But he wasn't wearing a cop outfit.

[Bob Kevoian]

Right, Right.

[Christy Lee]

So almost dive into the car. I almost dove in head first and.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hit the gas with my hand. But I thought, I'm just gonna trust.

[Christy Lee]

This guy's a cop. And then when other cops came in.

[Bob Kevoian]

Skidding and going crazy, I was relieved, like, oh, good. Okay.

[Christy Lee]

Now, do they pay for your pants? It worked out fine, you know.

[Pat Godwin]

Were they still soundproof?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Okay. Nice call back.

[Bob Kevoian]

Nice.

[Christy Lee]

She's a professional. We're coming back in just a couple of minutes, so stand by for comedian Chris Schlichting. The Schlichter is coming up next. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Pat Godwin]

Bob and Tom.

[Christy Lee]

Happy holidays from all of us here at the Bob and Tom show, this is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios Gang again is back in here live in studio next Monday morning. How about a segment with comedian Chris Schlichting?

[Tom Griswold]

Hello, we're all here. There's Tom.

[Christy Lee]

Thank you very much. We have comedian Chris Schlichting here with us. He's the Schlichter.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, the Schlichter. Did anything. You have nicknames or anything when you were in high school?

[Christy Lee]

Schlick. It's always been Schlick.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sometimes as a teacher, my students will attempt names, but I don't think they're even like, there's no F in my last name.

[Christy Lee]

You know what I mean?

[Bob Kevoian]

I think. I think they're kind of shooting from the hip.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Schlicke, Ted, et cetera, et cetera. Now, you promised a story about Mr. John Hinckley.

[Pat Godwin]

John Hinkley Jr. The man who tried to kill President Ronald Reagan, claims he is a victim of cancel culture after his latest concert was called off.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

The 68 year old was scheduled to perform at the Hotel Huxley In Nagato, Connecticut, March 30, the 43rd anniversary of his attack on the former president. He told the New York Post that the gig has now been postponed indefinitely. Hinckley Jr. Who releases his songs on YouTube to his 36,000 subscribers, estimated that a dozen of his scheduled performances have been canned so far because, quote, owners don't want the controversy or nose ticket sales. You be the judge. No, he said he thinks it's fair to say I'M a victim of cancel culture.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Pat Godwin]

Really.

[Christy Lee]

John, that's not it. You mean you can't even try to assassinate the president and not suffer some repercussions? Come on. What's. What's wrong with this country?

[Tom Griswold]

I don't know if I want to.

[Bob Kevoian]

Live in a world where.

[Christy Lee]

So if John Wilkes Booth had lived, he wouldn't go on to see his next play.

[Pat Godwin]

I know, right?

[Christy Lee]

Have you. Are you. Do they release a new version of a new episode of that today? Ch. Today.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Manhunt.

[Tom Griswold]

Yep. We're watching it together.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. What channel is it on? I forget. Apple Plus. Apple Plus. Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't use the word channel anymore, but okay.

[Christy Lee]

They don't.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, they're not really.

[Christy Lee]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Streaming service.

[Tom Griswold]

Streaming. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

From what I understand, Apple plus is like, what, the 13th best one?

[Tom Griswold]

Something like that.

[Christy Lee]

It's the. The hunt for John Wils Booth.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. I read a book called Manhunt about that years ago.

[Tom Griswold]

It's the same thing.

[Pat Godwin]

Based on that.

[Tom Griswold]

It's based on the cool story.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

So. So Hinkley's. And he's. He's loose, right? He can do.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, He's a free man.

[Christy Lee]

Wow. Wow. That's right.

[Pat Godwin]

Have you heard any of his music? I.

[Bob Kevoian]

We played it one day.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't remember that.

[Christy Lee]

Anything.

[Bob Kevoian]

It was boring or something. Yeah. It wasn't. Any songs are all. Jody, call me and. Yeah. Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Why doesn't she love me?

[Bob Kevoian]

Nell. Nell. Nell. That was weird. Why are you talking like that now?

[Tom Griswold]

Chick a pie in the wing.

[Bob Kevoian]

Quit searching for Bobby Fiser. I'm right here.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Highway to Know. Very nice.

[Tom Griswold]

All right.

[Christy Lee]

Why. I don't understand why this guy's loose. I don't get this.

[Pat Godwin]

He served his time, y'all.

[Christy Lee]

He ruined the lives of many people.

[Pat Godwin]

I hear you.

[Christy Lee]

Okay. Throw away the key.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, exactly. You. You're in jail forever now, sir, and.

[Christy Lee]

You don't get a guitar.

[Pat Godwin]

They learn to play in prison, maybe.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, I don't know.

[Bob Kevoian]

He's had.

[Christy Lee]

He's learned to play.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, you don't think so?

[Christy Lee]

I know that.

[Pat Godwin]

No, I haven't heard any of his.

[Christy Lee]

Our culture, we're willing to look the other way for a lot of things. Like Michael Jackson, you know. Okay, well, little sodomy never hurt too many people.

[Tom Griswold]

I think you might be in the.

[Pat Godwin]

I think you're on the wrong side of that one.

[Christy Lee]

No, I'm just saying, I Still playing.

[Pat Godwin]

His music very much.

[Tom Griswold]

I think he might be in the minority.

[Pat Godwin]

Said Lemmy of Motorhead. Still going back to the places he loved. More than eight years after his death, Motorhead says part of Lemmy's ashes will be enshrined at the Rainbow Bar and Grill in Los Angeles on April 19th. Because Lemmy, for those of you don't know, he used to hang out there quite a bit. Another part of those ashes will be put in a bust of him and housed at the site of the Bloodstock Festival in the uk. That's correct.

[Christy Lee]

Of.

[Pat Godwin]

Cool. Have you ever been to the Rainbow Room?

[Bob Kevoian]

I. I haven't. I have.

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Pat Godwin]

I have.

[Bob Kevoian]

Great, great bar.

[Pat Godwin]

It is. It's really cool.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wild.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. Different.

[Bob Kevoian]

I always like that 80s song about his band. I thought it was such a nice tribute, Motorhead.

[Christy Lee]

But those would have been better lyrics.

[Bob Kevoian]

That makes much more sense.

[Christy Lee]

Those are the worst lyrics of all time.

[Bob Kevoian]

Ace, do you like the song Ace of Spades? The motorhome tune? That should be your walk in music.

[Tom Griswold]

Big Motorhead fan.

[Christy Lee]

I think that might be problematic. Ace of Spades, frankly.

[Bob Kevoian]

Am I. You know what? I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know. I didn't know I had an eight. Well, I knew I had an A. Hole to my left. I just didn't know he would.

[Pat Godwin]

You're an innocent. So widely. Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

That was amazing.

[Christy Lee]

Time.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'll show you my band logo in the next part.

[Christy Lee]

Okay. Okay. Thank you very much. You can see how problematic.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes, I can.

[Christy Lee]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Christy. Well, actually, let's talk to our guests. Well, no, let's not. I don't want you canceled.

[Christy Lee]

I know.

[Bob Kevoian]

I gotta be careful now. Yeah, yeah. You know, that man's a teacher. The cancel culture is, like, as a teacher, too, It's.

[Chick McGee]

It's tricky.

[Bob Kevoian]

Like, oh, it must be, you know, the. The first.

[Christy Lee]

First before the school year even started this year, my principal pulled me aside.

[Chick McGee]

And he was like, chris, I just.

[Christy Lee]

Want to let you know you're gonna.

[Chick McGee]

Have a student in your class that identifies.

[Christy Lee]

Qualifies as a cat.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, no.

[Christy Lee]

Now, guys, I'm a really accepting person.

[Chick McGee]

But I'm not gonna lie.

[Bob Kevoian]

The cat kind of caught me off guard.

[Christy Lee]

And he could tell. He was like, chris, just, you know, just play along. We're just giving her a wide berth here.

[Chick McGee]

Just let her.

[Christy Lee]

So the first week of school, I didn't show up Monday through Friday. I didn't come to school at all. And Friday, he called me Friday afternoon. He's like, where are you? Why are you here? And I'm like, well, I'm allergic to cats. And you said. You said, that's perfectly Valid a law. So I'm a method actor. Now, we established the fact that you are a married man. I am a married. You are a father of twins, is that correct? I got twin boys.

[Bob Kevoian]

So we got to wrap this up.

[Chick McGee]

There on the car, but how old are they?

[Bob Kevoian]

They just turned 15. They're in high school and for the.

[Christy Lee]

Most part they're well behaved.

[Bob Kevoian]

But every now and then, my big thing is I promised myself I would.

[Christy Lee]

Never yell, but I still got to reprimand them.

[Bob Kevoian]

So, you know, because they're getting into.

[Christy Lee]

Mischief every now and then. And so I came up with this. I'm pretty proud of this.

[Bob Kevoian]

I recently set him down and I'm like, hey, guys, look, I'm going to be flat out honest with you. Me and your mom, we didn't plan on having twins. This has been financially devastating to both of us.

[Christy Lee]

And if you guys are going to.

[Bob Kevoian]

Keep acting up, we have no choice.

[Christy Lee]

But to get rid of one of you.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm just having the same conversation that my parents had with me and my.

[Christy Lee]

Twin brother and they were like, dad, you have a twin brother? I'm like, not anymore.

[Bob Kevoian]

Because he wouldn't shape up. Good night, boys. I left.

[Christy Lee]

You won that one.

[Bob Kevoian]

They were shaking in their bunk beds.

[Tom Griswold]

15 year old boys.

[Christy Lee]

Now we know you're allergic to cats. Do you have a dog? I do have a dog. I have a pug puppy. Oh my gosh. Now we already have two dogs. We just got this pug puppy because me and my wife were like, you.

[Bob Kevoian]

Know what we need?

[Christy Lee]

We need a dog that sounds like.

[Bob Kevoian]

It has asthma all the time. And that's what little Neddy brings to the table.

[Christy Lee]

He's the best. He's instant happiness. Now the cat, I'm not a big fan of the cat.

[Bob Kevoian]

It scratches and claws the furniture.

[Chick McGee]

But my wife was like, you know.

[Christy Lee]

You get a little mystery bottle. I don't know if you heard of this. You can give a little squirt.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm like, whoa.

[Chick McGee]

You give me permission to shoot this.

[Bob Kevoian]

Cat with a squirt gun.

[Chick McGee]

So I went online and got a.

[Christy Lee]

Super soaker mega blaster 2000.

[Bob Kevoian]

I can actually hold the cat up against the wall.

[Christy Lee]

It works, though. When she came out of that coma, she didn't go anywhere near the couch. So good.

[Bob Kevoian]

And now I'm cancelled.

[Christy Lee]

Very good. Well, thank you very much.

[Pat Godwin]

The American Kennel Club, by the way, has announced the top dog breeds for last year that were registered with them.

[Tom Griswold]

It's always infuriate the most or they.

[Pat Godwin]

Are the the most dog Purebreds that were registered with the kennel club last year.

[Christy Lee]

So this is not going to be labradoodles or any of that stuff.

[Pat Godwin]

No, because doodles are not. They're not.

[Christy Lee]

They're extraordinarily popular, but they're not.

[Pat Godwin]

They're not on AKC registry.

[Christy Lee]

But they will have dogs no one's ever heard of.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, that you've heard of this one. Do you know what their number one dog is?

[Tom Griswold]

I don't have an English cream. Golden retriever.

[Pat Godwin]

French bulldogs. Oh, number one. Frenchies are the nation's most pop popular canine that are registered with the American Kennel Club.

[Tom Griswold]

No, thank you.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, I love.

[Tom Griswold]

I love dogs.

[Bob Kevoian]

Real cute.

[Pat Godwin]

Labrador retrievers. Number two. Golden retrievers. Number three. Baby German shepherds. Four. And poodles in at number five. Ah, there you go.

[Christy Lee]

Okay. Alrighty.

[Tom Griswold]

They should pass a law that you can't. You can't groom your poodle in an odd way. Yeah, the little ball.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't want to see their.

[Tom Griswold]

No, I don't want to see a dog skin. Give me a hairy dog.

[Christy Lee]

And yet now people are doing it.

[Bob Kevoian]

How so?

[Christy Lee]

Well, the contemporary haircut a lot of guys have is essentially a poodle shaved in the sides, high on top, like you do to a poodle in the 50s.

[Tom Griswold]

No, that's not what you say.

[Bob Kevoian]

He's nervous.

[Pat Godwin]

After the scientists have this, I don't blame him.

[Christy Lee]

I told you my aunt had Jacques and Pierre.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes. Were they standard?

[Christy Lee]

Standard poodle great dogs.

[Tom Griswold]

Were they groomed to hell and back? Like, a lot of groomed, like, every three weeks or some crazy thing? It's not.

[Christy Lee]

She finally got rid of the booty look and just did the. You know, they had those. She. Eventually they just kind of went all natural. They looked great. They're great, great dogs.

[Bob Kevoian]

I can't stand that. That black goop that white dogs get in their eyes. Come on.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, Pugs get messy, too.

[Bob Kevoian]

We got to get in there. The fold and stuff.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, I don't care for that either.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, pugs are kind of worthless.

[Christy Lee]

Breeze, I hope Ned's not listening right now, but is that Chinese dog? Are those things a legit breed?

[Pat Godwin]

Shar Pei.

[Christy Lee]

They were very popular in the 80s.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Bob Kevoian]

They were just wrinkles.

[Christy Lee]

They're, like, expensive, too. They're registered, and they had all kinds of problems with their skin.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, they are wrinkled if you don't iron them.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, that was my fault.

[Tom Griswold]

Let it go. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I would just throw it in the dryer for five minutes, see if it got some of the wrinkles out.

[Tom Griswold]

You have one of those dryer balls.

[Bob Kevoian]

I didn't.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, there you go.

[Bob Kevoian]

Because I figured he would just chase it in the dryer the whole time.

[Tom Griswold]

To give him something to do.

[Bob Kevoian]

This has gotten real silly.

[Pat Godwin]

There's a great video out there of a Yorkie who loves the dryer, the warm dryer. So when the guy goes to open the dryer door, she attacks him to get in the dryer. Oh, just like she likes to be in the warm clothes. And then when he's trying to get her out, she's biting at him and it's, it's his dog.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, I think, I think I would accommodate that.

[Chick McGee]

Yorkshire.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Close the door, let her spin.

[Tom Griswold]

Change that mind until she's done. Then get a plastic bag, get in there, get her and.

[Pat Godwin]

And she goes, she hears that door opening from across the room and takes off.

[Josh Arnold]

It's.

[Bob Kevoian]

Don't, you shouldn't. Yorkies are just for 70 year old women, aren't they?

[Tom Griswold]

Have one of those long chairs in their bedrooms because they look like old ladies. Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Only old ladies should have an old lady.

[Tom Griswold]

Right, Exactly.

[Pat Godwin]

A nice cheese lounge.

[Tom Griswold]

There should be an age limit on Yorkshire.

[Bob Kevoian]

If I were been like a 24 year old dude who had a Yorkie. Did your grandma die?

[Christy Lee]

I'm sure there's some.

[Tom Griswold]

Enjoy the dog or what would another answer be, Josh?

[Christy Lee]

No, I think we're not going to get canceled. So this just in, Sirhan Sirhan wants to get out and do dinner theater.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Is he still alive? Oh, is he alive?

[Pat Godwin]

Is he?

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Was he like 80?

[Christy Lee]

That's a good question.

[Tom Griswold]

I mean, I'm sorry, 80. 80, isn't he?

[Bob Kevoian]

If his, if he's doing dinner theater and one of his jokes isn't, try the sirloin. Sirloin, what's it?

[Christy Lee]

Oh, okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Then of course, if he's doing dinner theater and he's not running the whole show from the kitchen, what is he doing?

[Bob Kevoian]

He doesn't come out to Duran Duran music. That's right.

[Christy Lee]

We're coming right back on this Monday morning. Next hour, comedian Dusty Slay and former major league baseball player Drew Storen will be on. But next, comedian David Koechner, funny guy. He's coming up in just a minute here on the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show. Moving through on Monday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a segment with comedian David Koechner right now, he's with us in the studio. David Kechner, how are you? Sir.

[Bob Kevoian]

Fantastic. Great to see you all again. Thank you very much for having me.

[Christy Lee]

You're welcome. I mentioned that you're a regular presence in my house because my little girls love the movie, oh Week Away about a summer camp. And you are the head guy, Right?

[Bob Kevoian]

That's so funny.

[Christy Lee]

Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. A producer buddy of mine was doing that movie and I said, yes, of course. As you probably know, I don't turn down work. I have five kids. Yeah, it was a fun movie. And I get to what, Mike. I watched that with my now 13 year old. I think she was 11 when it came out. So we had a nice little time. They'd sent me a small little package where you could make s'mores so indoors. So we made s'mores and watched the movie. It was very fun. But it's so funny. You never know what you're gonna get sometimes from people. I remember once I was gonna Starbucks with my older daughter Margo, and I saw two teenage girls roll down the window and I thought, what's this gonna be? And then they yelled out Uncle Earl, because I was. I did Hannah Montana three times. You never know what it's gonna be. But a week away. And so I don't know if I can. Well, I'll just say it. Who cares? I do believe they're making a series out of it.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes. So that's premature. I might be in trouble. But anyway, maybe allegedly. Yes, there's gonna be.

[Tom Griswold]

Here comes Uncle Earl.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, no, Not a week away. So sorry. Okay. I'm glad I have added enough confusion. Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

If people thought there's gonna be an Uncle Earl spin off, that would make the news now. But no.

[Christy Lee]

Will you be asked to be in that, do you think?

[Bob Kevoian]

The week away one? Yeah, apparently. Okay, yes, allegedly. If it happens. David, when you watch things with your children, are they critical of your work or. No, usually I watch good stuff with them. You know, I remember being like. The last time I was on a series was called Bless this Mess and it was on Tuesdays. And they would not watch watch it with me because they already had something they're queued up watching. You know, if they're in the middle of binging something else, you don't. You have to get in line.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

They're going to finish what they're watching their own father. They're going to wait for your show to be bingeable. Oh, yeah. That's how they like to digest it.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, well, that's just good binge behavior.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

But every once in A while. They'll. It'll just. I love when something comes up and they don't expect it. Like, they don't, like, watch like, oh, dad's. And I've been for. Fortunate enough to do over 200 different projects. So I remember my daughter was watching a movie one night, was get smart with her friends in. In this. In high school, and she was at their house, and she. Oh, that's my dad. Yeah. How cool. Very cool. I don't know. Cool.

[Christy Lee]

Well, that actually.

[Tom Griswold]

Dave Carell's the father of one of your do.

[Christy Lee]

It actually leads to a really interesting news story we have today, which is about people feeling that they're out of touch, that they're not hip, and they've done an extensive survey about this. Ace. I heard you laughing because I know you think I sort of define not hip. No, no, no, no.

[Tom Griswold]

I think everyone thinks that.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. But this survey is about how you're not alone. Everybody feels that they're out of touch.

[Pat Godwin]

Now, a new poll reveals the age at which most people feel they stop being cool. The survey of 2,000 adults. Most Americans feel out of touch by the age of anyone.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm gonna say 42, 37. 45. I was gonna say around the mid-40s.

[Pat Godwin]

39.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

All right. In the ballpark, the poll also found that the top five areas people feel in touch with were number five, tech, number four, movies, number three, social media, number two, music, and number one, food.

[Bob Kevoian]

So people feel like they have a.

[Pat Godwin]

Good grasp of food.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

I guess I don't feel I have a good grasp of any of that stuff.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, you're an exception to all these rules.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Well, thank you.

[Pat Godwin]

Let's face it.

[Bob Kevoian]

I feel like I don't care. Yeah, I. I kind of don't care if I'm hip or not.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

So what? I mean, you don't have to care anymore. You can find what you're into and.

[Tom Griswold]

And just all of a sudden you're. Yeah, you're hip and not even knowing it.

[Christy Lee]

As a friend of mine said have a teenager as a parent that you can be like in cool movies like Dave Kector. And they don't care.

[Pat Godwin]

Nope, they don't.

[Christy Lee]

Dad, you're embarrassing me. Go away. I don't care if you were starring in an anchorman. Right, right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes. I think, you know, for them, it's like it's never been a burden, which is nice. Like, my level had kind of creeped up and came along nicely, never exploded. So it's been manageable. And so you Know they know how to tolerate it when it happens. We went to last year, I was on the road and we're out and this took us to a resort hotel that had a water slide and a pool and all that stuff. But I did have to rent a cabana because we were getting quite a bit of traffic, you know. But it was interesting because we were in the pool together, just me and my girls, actually. And they. They were so elegant in the way that they just allowed us. We. They. In their minds, we had our own time knowing that literally everyone in the pool was watching.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's an odd thing for them to have to deal. Yeah. Like, I don't even notice it. Right. But for them to have to put up. Up with that. They did it very gracefully and like, they were just like, whatever. We're still going to have our time with our dad, which is nice. Going to make me cry. Well, that's lovely. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

And dad, don't pee in the pool. And for God's sake, don't do it off the diving board.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. If you're going to do it, get in the water.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

The top five areas people fell most out of touch with were number five, literature.

[Bob Kevoian]

Huh.

[Pat Godwin]

Number four, fashion. Number three, the arts, Number two, celebrities. And number one, slang, which we all always tease Tom about. We give him a lesson every week on slang.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Al Jackson.

[Christy Lee]

And that's kind of the point of slang. It's like having a code language, I think.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

And there's. We. We always. There's all the stuff out there. We have no idea what. We had a new one yesterday. I forgot what it was at this point, but something we were talking about where we. We're all out of touch.

[Pat Godwin]

What are you talking about?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, there was Bedrock.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that's the one yesterday. Bedrock.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is that a new one? It is new. Yeah. Bedrot. In fact, the person who taught us it, Al Jackson, said that there's no reason we should even know what it is because kids just stay in bed all day.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

We all thought it had something to do with. With Fred Flintstone having the clap.

[Bob Kevoian]

Nice.

[Christy Lee]

We have Christy Lee at the Bob and Tom news desk. The news desk. What's going on over there?

[Pat Godwin]

Authorities in Atlanta, Georgia are searching for a pair of thieves who robbed a strip club after cutting a hole in the roof of the building. Oh, WSB tv.

[Tom Griswold]

Son of a.

[Christy Lee]

Television. Is it sbd?

[Pat Godwin]

No, it's just WSB tv.

[Christy Lee]

You wonder, you wonder if there is a WSBD television.

[Pat Godwin]

Probably.

[Christy Lee]

God, that would be so funny. News News anchors have to keep a straight face.

[Pat Godwin]

WSBD News. No, this is WSB tv.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, normal grownups don't giggle at farts like you do. I don't think.

[Pat Godwin]

Reports Two suspects wearing ski masks and gloves cut a hole in the roof and climbed into the Onyx Gentleman's club. They use power tools to break into the safe. Storing $250,000. Staff at the club say security cameras captured the heist. But they have not been captured, by the way.

[Christy Lee]

All singles.

[Bob Kevoian]

Nice. Yeah, you're right. Bags and bags.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, that's all.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's it.

[Christy Lee]

They're.

[Bob Kevoian]

What? A determined thing to break into a strip club. I mean, mean, it's. I don't know, the fact is, called a gentleman's club. And it's the least gentlemanly you'll ever be. Yes, we're off to the club this evening.

[Josh Arnold]

We're all gentlemen. Yes, certainly.

[Christy Lee]

I see. Billingsley, did you drive the Bentley? You shouldn't be driving yourself anymore, Billingsley.

[Bob Kevoian]

Naked woman. Come sit for me.

[Christy Lee]

This money we stole, it's. It's covered in glitter. I'll never be able to spend it. Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

I say, what a fine shimmy.

[Christy Lee]

Although that would be a good. If you want to make yet another heist movie, make it at a strip club. It would give them an excuse to have a lot of naked women.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, it would.

[Pat Godwin]

Do they have strip clubs in London? I mean. Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

I. I tried to go to one. There was like this insane dress code. This was just. You know, it may have just been the particular one I tried to go to.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh.

[Bob Kevoian]

And I wasn't dressed up. They. They just told me flat out I could not go in there.

[Christy Lee]

Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

Really?

[Pat Godwin]

See, now that's a gentleman's club.

[Bob Kevoian]

It really does seem like a gentleman's club I've been doing. Where the. All the male staff members, the bouncers, Etc.

[Christy Lee]

World tuxes.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean these. And then I saw the other people going into the strip club. And they were dressed to the nines. It was. Okay. Yeah. No, I should. Don't let this American dirt bag in there. Really? Something. But I don't think you'd want to mess with strip club owners, Right?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

It might be the tip of the iceberg.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Yes. Plus how they break in the safe. Power tools.

[Pat Godwin]

Power tools.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow.

[Christy Lee]

That's. Must not have been a very good safe.

[Bob Kevoian]

Have they not seen a movie? You can't break into a safe. It has to be an inside job, right? Maybe. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, I would think if they know there's a safe. Safe in there. And are strip clubs the last place people are starting using cash? Do people use cash anymore? Anywhere?

[Pat Godwin]

I don't know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. You have a scan code on your body.

[Christy Lee]

I mean.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

Or on the side of the stage or something. I remember one of the, one of our guests was telling us in Canada because the, the looney.

[Pat Godwin]

Is that what it's called?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Metal. And that the women were wearing some kind of a garter belt with a magnet on it.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's true.

[Pat Godwin]

That's a game.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh that would be.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

It's like a carnival game.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. You don't, you don't make it rain. You make it hail, hail girls.

[Pat Godwin]

You don't win the goldfish, if you know what I mean.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, but I, I, I wonder if strip clubs still take in a lot of cash. Cash? Because we were talking with the day about this. I got a letter from a guy I don't have it hate handy. But he was saying his bills came and he got a bill and he said I'm not going to pay that. I didn't, I don't know what this is for. And it had some serious business sounding name on it. And it was in fact a strip club. And when they bill you they don't say right, whatever.

[Pat Godwin]

You know, that's so you don't get divorced.

[Christy Lee]

You know, Toady's Tata Factory. You know, it says something like the Billingsley Water Company. Then he realized oh, that's what, what that was. So yeah, I'd be curious if, if they still take in a lot of.

[Pat Godwin]

Cash, I'm sure someone will let us know.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. And I could think of a really vulgar way that they could pay.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

How, how, how's that?

[Christy Lee]

Remember how used to slide never we.

[Bob Kevoian]

Go the old credit card.

[Christy Lee]

Never mind. Sorry.

[Pat Godwin]

A 33 year old Florida man suspected of stealing a boat was arrested while trying to avoid police by dressing as a woman. He was apprehended.

[Christy Lee]

There's no problem. I'm not the man you're looking for.

[Bob Kevoian]

You're looking me. Dude.

[Tom Griswold]

This is classic.

[Pat Godwin]

He was wearing a blonde wig, a dress and oversized sunglasses.

[Tom Griswold]

That's right. Lovely.

[Bob Kevoian]

I hope it was like one of those old movies though where the cops started hitting on her. Yeah, you know I get off in an hour.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, you stop.

[Bob Kevoian]

Behave yourself.

[Pat Godwin]

Joshua. Joshua KA was arrested last week by police officers investigating a boat theft at the old Calusa Lodge area in Lakeport. While looking around the area for the man can canvassing, they identified the suspect in the case because they noticed A blonde woman wearing a white cardigan over a light blue dress and large sports sunglasses exiting a house.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean, it sounds like a guy in the sky.

[Christy Lee]

Sure. This is so classic. This would be a better movie than the one about the strip club and the guys going on the roof.

[Pat Godwin]

They stopped her and immediately realized the woman they were talking to was actually a man wearing a disguise.

[Bob Kevoian]

How about this movie, Tom? The guys break into a strip club. They get caught. But before they hear somebody enter the strip club as they're trying to rob it. Oh, they quickly throw on wigs and dresses and they have to act as strippers for the hilarious. I'd go to see that. They make more money than the other strippers and they get mad and that's how they get busted. Yeah, they were too good.

[Christy Lee]

Boy, that blonde has not nice boobs. They're kind of hairy. Coming up in just a little while, here on the Bob and Tom show, one of our favorites, Jimmy Pardo and news we failed to mention. Also coming up. In the meantime, next, comedian Dusty Slay stopped by. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Pat Godwin]

Bob and Tom.

[Christy Lee]

More of the Bob and Tom show now on a Monday. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. How about a segment with Camille, comedian Dusty Slay?

[Tom Griswold]

Here's Tom with a special guest.

[Christy Lee]

We are joined in the studio by the very handsome, very hairy Dusty Sleigh.

[Josh Arnold]

All right, Dusty, good to see you.

[Christy Lee]

If it weren't for the glasses in the cap, I'd say you look like Jesus.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, I get that a lot and I like it. I'm into it.

[Christy Lee]

Feels good.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Feels good.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

You're looking good. We had an. You're a southern channel and you may appreciate this. We've been talking about this story. I've been obsessed with it all morning. About this pitcher at Mississippi State that throws with both arms and he throws well with both arms.

[Tom Griswold]

96 mile power fastball with his right. 92 mile per hour fastball with his left.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow. Well, that's amazing. I hope he does it at the same time.

[Pat Godwin]

Wouldn't that be something?

[Christy Lee]

Whoa. This guy writes. I know a guy that can bowl both lefty and righty and score between 180 and 200 it every time.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow, that's cool.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that's. That's interesting. Hi. Molly from sioux Falls, South Dakota. When my daughter was 13, started playing softball, would realize she could pitch and hit both right and left handed. So I.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's great. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Very, very cool. I'd like to see this and see.

[Tom Griswold]

How he does some Guy sent me an email. He said he. He throws left handed a football, Throws right handed a baseball.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, no kidding.

[Tom Griswold]

He can't explain it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Dustin, you play sports at all?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I'm also equally good with both arms, just not very good.

[Christy Lee]

You're at the same level of poorness.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Both of them.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, there you go.

[Josh Arnold]

You can't even tell what arm I am now.

[Christy Lee]

Where did you grow up? What?

[Josh Arnold]

I grew up in Alabama. Town called Opelika, Alabama. I grew up in a trailer park, Opelika. And that's great. My trailer park's gone. It's very sad, but it actually is just woods now, which looks better than what it used to be, but still sad.

[Christy Lee]

Opelika.

[Josh Arnold]

Opa. Opelika.

[Christy Lee]

You don't have much of an accent anymore. You think? Is that from being on the road so much?

[Josh Arnold]

I don't know what happened to me. I moved to Charleston, South Carolina, where I lived for a long time. I waited tables. Seafood restaurant called Hyman's.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah, I've been.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hyman's.

[Pat Godwin]

Nice, nice place.

[Josh Arnold]

Located on the same block as a restaurant called Sticky Fingers. That is true.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And a bar called the Bicycle Scene.

[Christy Lee]

Dusty Slay is our guest. And we talked to you on the. On the TV not too long ago, but we haven't seen you in a few years.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, it's been a while.

[Christy Lee]

Did you have to take a lot of time off during the pandemic off the road?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, I didn't really. I took off two months and then a club in Texas called me and asked would I come there? And I said yes, yes, I will. So I went May of 2020. I did a club in Dallas, Texas.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

And back up and running.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I mean, I was ready to go. I had never had two months off of work. I didn't know what to do with myself and I needed to make money. Yeah, no one was sending me money. I wasn't, you know, it was like comedy was how I made a living. So I was like, I gotta go to work.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, we got a good TikTok story for you. Or kind of a selfie story really. This first one, did you see the thing about the alligator? Alligators have been getting some bad. A bad rap lately since they don't like doing things like grabbing old ladies at the side of a pond in Florida and dragging them into their death.

[Tom Griswold]

People talk.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, we had this one this morning that is rather disturbing.

[Pat Godwin]

A pair of visitors to Florida's Everglades national park are under fire for taking a selfie next To a huge alligator. Torons of Yellowstone and Instagram account that highlights bad behavior at US National Parks posted a photo of a boy and an older man lying down on a paved path, taking a selfie with a large alligator lying just a few feet behind them. The accompanying caption reads, twiddly Dee and twiddly dumb are on the menu.

[Christy Lee]

This alligator is right behind them.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

They lived, though, didn't they?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, they did nothing. Did anything happen?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I think to me, those guys, they proved it's okay to do this.

[Tom Griswold]

You know what?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Tom Griswold]

You always hear about the alligators who attack somebody. You never hear about the alligators who mind their own business.

[Bob Kevoian]

The complacent gator.

[Tom Griswold]

That's exactly right.

[Christy Lee]

They might be developing a taste for morons once they taste these guys. Especially after the one. The story yesterday was so disturbing.

[Bob Kevoian]

Were there.

[Christy Lee]

Were there gators where you were in Alabama?

[Josh Arnold]

No, there were in South Carolina. I threw a rock at an alligator one time in a lake and a guy got mad at me. He was just like, mad that, you know, I guess. I don't know, I was pretty redneck, I guess, you know, And I just had not seen an alligator before. And I wanted to see it move.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes, okay, fair enough.

[Josh Arnold]

It was just floating in the water and I threw. And it did move. We did get it to move. But, you know, he was so mad, but he was out there fishing. I'm like, you're stabbing fish in the mouth and you're mad at me for throwing a rock?

[Christy Lee]

There was a golf tournament on yesterday. We were at a restaurant.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Did you see that alligator? Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Willie and I were at a restaurant for Hart's birthday. One of my little girls. And there was. Yeah, there. It's a beautiful golf course. And they cut away like in the TV show Survivor. They always cut. And they'll show the exotic snakes and everything. So they're at this golf course and they. There's this giant alligator head on the screen.

[Bob Kevoian]

Huh?

[Christy Lee]

Right there.

[Tom Griswold]

And there was a guy up on the bank not that far away. He was doing the two chair thing. He was sitting in one, had his legs in another.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Just hanging.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hanging out this selfie. These guys are a good five feet away. It's a smaller gator. I'm. I do. I don't. I would have done that.

[Pat Godwin]

You would have done that for the gram.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hell, yeah. Well, and I don't know.

[Pat Godwin]

Have you seen it, Chick?

[Christy Lee]

That's.

[Tom Griswold]

That's.

[Christy Lee]

I mean, didn't we find Out. An alligator can run 35 miles an hour on land.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes, but I have to want to.

[Tom Griswold]

I think it's 55.

[Christy Lee]

Okay, whatever it is, Josh, you couldn't get up quick enough before that thing would happen. Have your. Your ass in its mouth.

[Bob Kevoian]

You're right. But I would wrestle it.

[Josh Arnold]

Maybe he figures if I'm already that close, might as well get the.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you hear what he did? He. He got it around to you, and you're not going to be able to get up in time.

[Christy Lee]

Says he would be stupid enough to do that. No. Do you know why he loves this? Because this is an Instagram account for Tattletales. It is people online making fun of other people for doing dumb stuff.

[Bob Kevoian]

Just rats. That's all it is.

[Christy Lee]

Hey, teachers. Someone broke the rules of recess. You should put them in trouble.

[Bob Kevoian]

Dusty, would you. You do that?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, I'd like to see their personal account to see how many likes it got. It was very popular, maybe. You know what I mean? We're all out here trying to get our likes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, I guess, arguably, it's gone viral.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, it sure has.

[Christy Lee]

But they're getting shamed.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wrongfully so.

[Josh Arnold]

But as a comic, though, a little bit of shame for something like that could sell tickets. That ultimately is what it's all about.

[Pat Godwin]

All marketing, isn't it?

[Josh Arnold]

People already say I look like the. The. I don't know, I forget the guy's name, but the Tiger man or whatever.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, oh, Joe.

[Bob Kevoian]

Exotic.

[Josh Arnold]

The exotic, yeah. Tiger King.

[Bob Kevoian]

What?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, they say. I don't know. People were. When that came out, I was getting a lot of Tiger King comments.

[Christy Lee]

Huh.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, that Tiger King had blunt, well, dyed blonde hair, I guess, but, yeah, he had kind of a long hair.

[Christy Lee]

You have. You have a full beard, glasses, hair down to your nips. I mean, you don't look like the tiger.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I would get. I get that a lot. I was getting it. A lot of. They would say, I'm getting a lot of Tiger King vibes off this guy. That's what random comments would say.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, now I'm trying to remember. Are you a dad?

[Josh Arnold]

I am a dad. Yeah. I have a baby that's almost 2, 21 months. But everyone makes fun of me for saying months. But I just think that if, you know, technically she's one. Right. So if I said she's one, she's a lot different at 21 months than when she was one.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

So it's fun. You know, my wife likes to childproof the house and not let us have change laying around. So the baby won't eat change. I ate change one time as a kid. It was fine. I pooped it out. My dad had to dig through the poop and find the change. And I felt like he deserved it, you know?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, you definitely earned it, didn't he?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. He left me with a baby. My dad had joint custody of me where he would see me like two times, four days a month. And he had me with a babysitter because he had a date. And I'm like, you deserve to dig through a little poop.

[Bob Kevoian]

I see.

[Christy Lee]

Did he. Did he. Did he put it in the same colander that he strained the spaghetti in?

[Josh Arnold]

I don't know. I don't know how he did it. I think he. I think he just had to go in there with the fingers. He said they were very shiny pennies. I guess my body really cleaned them.

[Bob Kevoian]

Up like some demented gold panner.

[Christy Lee]

Just.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's in here. I know it.

[Christy Lee]

Our guest is a comedian, Dusty Slay. Christy Lee is at the Bob and Tom news desk. You got a short one for me?

[Pat Godwin]

Let's see. Yeah, I have this story. A man dressed in a seven foot tall penis costume was arrested in Brazil for harassing women.

[Christy Lee]

Have you seen the picture of this guy?

[Bob Kevoian]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, lady.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't know why he needed the costume. He's already a dick.

[Christy Lee]

But seriously.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, isn't it carnival or something?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. Military police in Rio de Janeiro detained the man in the city center for acting suspiciously. I guess carnival goers in the city told police the men had been using his giant penis costume to chase women taking part in the city's carnival parades. A picture of the arrest shows the man wearing the brown inflatable phallus costume.

[Bob Kevoian]

Get back here.

[Pat Godwin]

But he's wearing flip flops.

[Christy Lee]

Right above the flip flops, though. He. He's about, what, 20% nuts. It's. It is a sort of a dark, deep brown phallus.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, okay.

[Christy Lee]

What do you mean.

[Pat Godwin]

They all live?

[Christy Lee]

And was it. Would you say it was seven feet tall?

[Pat Godwin]

Yes, sir.

[Christy Lee]

Okay. There's a white version that's five'five the same costume. I'm looking online here for this. He's acting suspiciously.

[Pat Godwin]

Chase a women.

[Christy Lee]

Okay. Business. What carnival is all about, though.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, but you don't dress as a penis and harass.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, even. And if you do, I don't know that you chase women. Like animal from the Muppets.

[Pat Godwin]

This guy. It looks more like a turd than a pe.

[Bob Kevoian]

It is not. That's a very dark brow.

[Pat Godwin]

Wow.

[Josh Arnold]

H. I got to believe he has a lot of success with it.

[Tom Griswold]

No, this is like that, that basketball coach we had who would said he was afraid of flying. And he took the RV around the company, around the country. And because he said, yeah, he couldn't get on there.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, he is getting a. This is peacocking, but, well, let's pee more.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

And he'd go to sorority parties at the game at the place they were playing. And it must have worked because he kept doing it and it turned out it did work. I guess there were pictures of it.

[Christy Lee]

You're saying at one point this actually must.

[Tom Griswold]

Dressing up like a penis evidently worked at it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow.

[Josh Arnold]

That's what he would do in the rv, this coach.

[Tom Griswold]

He'S saying, he's like.

[Josh Arnold]

Listen, I'm afraid of flying, but also there's some other benefits.

[Tom Griswold]

That's right.

[Christy Lee]

There's a bed in my car. I wasn't lying about it right now. We returned to the news desk with Christy Lee. What else is happening?

[Pat Godwin]

Archaeologists have found what is likely the oldest known full sentence carved into an ancient head lice comb.

[Bob Kevoian]

Really?

[Pat Godwin]

The inscription on the 3,700-year-old artifact encourages people to comb their hair and beards to read them, rid themselves of lice. The sentence contains 17 letters that read, may this tusk root out the lice of the hair and the beard.

[Bob Kevoian]

Interesting.

[Josh Arnold]

One of those.

[Pat Godwin]

Experts say the discovery shines new light on some of humanity's early, earliest use of the Canaanite Alphabet, which was invented around 1800 BC and is the foundation of all successfully alphabetical.

[Bob Kevoian]

Alphabetic.

[Pat Godwin]

Successive alphabetic systems.

[Bob Kevoian]

System. Sure.

[Tom Griswold]

You knew that you were saying yesterday, what was it? Why is this a new story?

[Bob Kevoian]

Weren't you saying that yesterday you and I were discussing how oftentimes Christy will find these nothing stories.

[Christy Lee]

This is one of the. The first sentence of ever written. And it's on. First of all, that's got to be an unbreakable comb if it's been around for thousands of years.

[Tom Griswold]

You're fascinated by hair and combs, aren't you?

[Pat Godwin]

Also found by language. They found microscopic evidence of head lice on the comb. It's made out of ivory.

[Josh Arnold]

By the way, how bad was the lice that the first sentence get rid of this lice. Use this you think would make sense.

[Tom Griswold]

For the DNA out of the lice and make. Make a brand new lice here and.

[Bob Kevoian]

Like, like a Jurassic lice type deal.

[Christy Lee]

I assume it's. It's for men, apparently, because it says. Doesn't it say something? Your hair and Your beard?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, sure.

[Bob Kevoian]

That doesn't mean a woman couldn't use it. What are they supposed to just be lousy?

[Pat Godwin]

Lousy with lice?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that's where the term lousy comes.

[Tom Griswold]

But lice back then were like 7, 8 inches tall.

[Bob Kevoian]

They sure were.

[Josh Arnold]

Just house.

[Christy Lee]

But I mean, to think that's sort of like the first instructive sentence of all. You'd think it would be something they don't know.

[Pat Godwin]

No, of course.

[Christy Lee]

That's the first one they found. What do you think the first sentence was?

[Bob Kevoian]

Isn't it? Wasn't it? What's the old joke? Stand back, babe. I don't know how big this thing gets.

[Christy Lee]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wasn't that one of them?

[Christy Lee]

We've been trying to reach you about getting in your car. An extended warranty. Some kind of sales pitch. I think it's fascinating. That are the name of the barber shop.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't think.

[Christy Lee]

Hey. Courtesy of Frank's Barber. Cave.

[Bob Kevoian]

Come on down and we'll. Barber Cave. That's a little bit of fun. Who wouldn't go to a barber?

[Tom Griswold]

Cave, did you go to a barber that had the red, white, and the. The striped barber pole out front as a kid?

[Christy Lee]

Of course.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you still go to, like a traditional barber? Dusty?

[Josh Arnold]

I don't really go get my hair cut much at all.

[Bob Kevoian]

So when you do want to trim, do you do it yourself?

[Josh Arnold]

I just try to find someone. I go, hey, can you cut this okay?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Your hair is down to your nipples pretty much. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

It's getting long.

[Christy Lee]

It's serious.

[Josh Arnold]

I let it get a little too long, and then I go get it cut too much to where it feels like I don't like it. And then it just grows for a while.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, you get it cut in a way that it almost like has bounce to it, which I don't like. But I'm like, this will get me by for another six months here.

[Pat Godwin]

All right.

[Josh Arnold]

That's what I like to do.

[Tom Griswold]

Did you see the top of his head is glorious. This thick hair. Unbelievable.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. He took his cap off and he wears a hat. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Not a hint of paint.

[Tom Griswold]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

No skin up there.

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

I've got quite a paint growing.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, you do.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sort of that skin yarmulke thing.

[Pat Godwin]

It's okay.

[Christy Lee]

It's nice.

[Tom Griswold]

It's a skomica.

[Bob Kevoian]

It is a scam.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

The tonsure. Look, if you will, you pull it off. Well, if you had like a pompadour, I think that would be. Actually, you know what?

[Bob Kevoian]

I said it in my head. I saw it. I love it.

[Christy Lee]

I love Joshua the pompadour.

[Bob Kevoian]

Maybe I'll get a pompadour wig.

[Tom Griswold]

Just one day, grow it all out, then comb it, like. Oh, do a comb over.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, just this part here. And then Mark Sweeney. I want like a little behind the scenes. Like one gray thing going back and then Superman pearl in the front.

[Christy Lee]

That'd be hot for me.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, Sweeney has, like, bangs and then there's nothing.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, he combs it all back. Oh, like a fryer kind of.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're real weird looking.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Ted Dans has that. But he wears the tube if you've ever seen him without the tube. Is that right?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, he still has the bangs.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, he combs it back, but yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Now we're discussing hair because our guest has such a great head of hair.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

And always. Do you always wear a cap on stage as well?

[Josh Arnold]

I do always wear it on stage. I don't know. I started wearing it one time and then it seems like my career took off when I started wearing a hat. So now I never do comedy without it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

It's. I feel like it's my disguise. I can. If I don't want to be recognized, I just don't wear the hat.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah, there you go.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, because, you know, very famous now and it's just hard to navigate life out here. Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Now, are you an actor as well?

[Josh Arnold]

No, I don't like acting. I mean, I, you know, I'm not very good at it. And then it's like, I did an audition once in la and it's like this. This lady was just right in front of me that I was auditioning for, and she did a lot of. And I had my thing memorized pretty well, but she. She did these, like, big facial expressions, and I was just not ready for that. I'm like, I don't know what we're doing in here, but I was in la. My. My agent was like, why don't you just go audition? So I did, but I don't like it. I don't know what it is. I've created the best character that I can be and I don't need to be others. You know what I mean?

[Christy Lee]

Very good now.

[Josh Arnold]

And they're not hiring me.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, there's also that part.

[Christy Lee]

Well, you have.

[Bob Kevoian]

You have a.

[Christy Lee]

You have a specific look. Yes, that would be. You do.

[Pat Godwin]

What would you cast Dusty in?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, wait a minute. Stand by for an insult. Go ahead.

[Christy Lee]

No, I mean, you could be like, in the 70s you could be hippie. Yeah, you can just switch.

[Josh Arnold]

Switch glasses, get into that. Maybe they do a Matthew McConaughey reboot. What was that movie? Dazed and Confused. They do a reboot. I could be. All right, all right, all right.

[Bob Kevoian]

As the guy at like sort of a rundown filling station in a horror movie. And the teens pull up in their van and they go, hey, we're going camping in those woods. And you go, those are his woods now.

[Josh Arnold]

I like that.

[Bob Kevoian]

The harbinger of doom.

[Josh Arnold]

But then his is me.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Bingo.

[Christy Lee]

Did you ever go without the beard?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I did the beard for a long time. I used to have. I had slick back hair and no beard for a long, long time. My friend says it was my Rachel Maddow look.

[Christy Lee]

I'm doing that right now under the hat. You can't see it, but I look.

[Bob Kevoian]

Like I'm on msnbc.

[Christy Lee]

We're coming right back in just a few seconds with former major league baseball pitcher Drew Storin. So stand by for that. Maybe you'll bring some Field of Dreams Whiskey. This is the Bob and Tom.

[Bob Kevoian]

Bob and Tom.

[Christy Lee]

This is the Bob and Tom show on a Monday morning. And this is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studio. Here's a segment with former major league baseball pitcher Drew Storen. He's got. He's got a hand in making of Field of Dreams Whiskey. Maybe he'll bring some. We're talking with Drew Storen, professional. Former professional baseball player, Major league baseball player. And Drew is now. Now the. Are we going with proprietor?

[Bob Kevoian]

You don't have to buy. You certainly don't have to.

[Christy Lee]

He's one of the founder.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's nice.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that's even good.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Our founder.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Founder sounds lofty. Visionary founder. Yeah. That sounds like a press release. He's wrangling. Wrangling bottles of bourbon.

[Bob Kevoian]

What about Booz Monger? Like that.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, no.

[Bob Kevoian]

Why not? Hooch peddler. Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

What about moonshiner?

[Christy Lee]

I like that.

[Bob Kevoian]

How about Rot Gut Pitchman?

[Christy Lee]

None of this is helping.

[Pat Godwin]

No, we're selling bourbon.

[Christy Lee]

This is a class act, Josh.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, it doesn't make you sick, but it is called rot Gut.

[Christy Lee]

What do they call the head guy at a distillery? Master Distiller. The Master Distiller.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, for now.

[Christy Lee]

Josh used to work at a bait shop. The Masturbator.

[Bob Kevoian]

Primary Baiter. Please.

[Christy Lee]

That's a real estate joke. Thank you. So who are the nicest guys of the super famous ballplayers that you associated with? Who were the really nice guys?

[Bob Kevoian]

I didn't spend much time around him.

[Christy Lee]

But when I got to meet Derek.

[Bob Kevoian]

Jeter, it was pretty incredible. I was going in my first spring training was training at this facility outside Tampa.

[Christy Lee]

And so I came in and I.

[Bob Kevoian]

Walk in the room and there's Derek Jeter and comes up and he's like, hi, I'm Derek. You know, I'm like Drew.

[Christy Lee]

You know, and. But from that day on, he knew said hi Drew.

[Bob Kevoian]

Completely remembered my name Far better than me if I was in that position because I, you know, so really impressive guy and. And one of those guys too that you never hear a bad word said about him. Guys I played with him of like. No, it's not an act because you.

[Christy Lee]

Got some guys that try to play into it. But yeah, he's probably the guy that.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know, really lives up to it. He's the ball player I never got to meet. I worked for Rawling Sporting Games. Would meet all these guys and I. He was one that I always wanted to meet and never got to meet.

[Christy Lee]

Really? Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

So please introduce me to him.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, yeah. He's been calling me all morning.

[Bob Kevoian]

You didn't get to meet him? No, I never did. Was it just a you policy thing or was that. I think it was. Was keep that guy away. Yeah, but he has glove. Rawlings made his glove and it's my all time favorite glove. It's just that classic basket web.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. I think that was my first glove.

[Bob Kevoian]

No kidding.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

The DJ2. Yeah, it was. Yeah. That style. Yeah. Yep.

[Christy Lee]

This guy really inside, didn't he?

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, he was famous for turning too, wasn't he? This year old shortstop.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

The Derek Cheater 2 DJ 2 turn 2. Wow. Did you have a shoe deal when you were playing? I did.

[Bob Kevoian]

I wore Mizuno. So I was a college sponsored us.

[Christy Lee]

In college and stuck with them.

[Bob Kevoian]

So they make a great product and.

[Christy Lee]

They thought I was important. So I'm all about that.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Do you wear them now? I do, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean I'm still wearing the free.

[Christy Lee]

Shoes they gave me for when I coach.

[Pat Godwin]

He's just.

[Christy Lee]

I hesitated to say. Right. You know, I. I was soft tossing everybody here for that. We keep threatening to do a thing where we have Drew come in and pitch.

[Bob Kevoian]

We should do that. Let's do it. How are you with a wiffle ball? Oh yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I bet he can make a wiffle.

[Bob Kevoian]

Ball curl, circle our heads and go back to him, right?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, absolutely, Josh. That's what I want to do. I want to face you. I'm going to replace the ball with like an Incredible. Or a wiffle ball and then just.

[Bob Kevoian]

Throw it at you and just see.

[Christy Lee]

How much you freak out.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm all for it.

[Christy Lee]

A wiffle ball would still hurt it.

[Bob Kevoian]

I can at speed if you'll sting a little bit.

[Pat Godwin]

But then you say your elbow hurts when you throw.

[Bob Kevoian]

Everyone's fine.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

That's part of the fun.

[Bob Kevoian]

Pain don't hurt. Yeah, that's, that's the therapy and telling pain.

[Pat Godwin]

When was the last time you hit a baseball?

[Bob Kevoian]

I hit a baseball.

[Christy Lee]

Have you ever hit a baseball?

[Bob Kevoian]

I have, believe it or not.

[Pat Godwin]

I believe you have.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't think it was going faster than like 50. It was like the pitching machine was set at pretty low. Oh, nice. Yeah, but we used to, we had a jugs machine that we would travel with sometimes and. Yeah, there you go. So yeah, it was fun. And did nets because we were always trying out new bats. Yeah. It's been 10 years. I'm going to say.

[Christy Lee]

Wasn't there a porno movie you watched called Jugs Machine?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Different kind of thing. They push themselves together and then all.

[Tom Griswold]

You had to do is ask. You serve them up.

[Christy Lee]

Christy Lee is at the news desk. What's happening over there?

[Pat Godwin]

Authorities in Florida arrested a man for stealing a school bus and taking it on an illegal field trip to Miami. The Florida highway patrol said 32 year old Landa Lakes man, Mr. Daniel Sayas stole the boat. Boast the bus from Hillsborough County School District, according to wfla. That's pretty easy.

[Tom Griswold]

We have to be in Florida. Where else are we going to go?

[Pat Godwin]

Troopers caught the suspect while he was making his trip back to Tampa. Officials said the man told troopers he was high and drunk when he stole the bus.

[Bob Kevoian]

Officers, Officers, I'm sorry. I'm. I am so high and drunk.

[Pat Godwin]

Exactly.

[Tom Griswold]

This was on me.

[Pat Godwin]

He said he was driving back to return it. He now chase faces a charge of grand theft.

[Bob Kevoian]

So he was borrowing it?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

You didn't steal it?

[Christy Lee]

I heard he stopped at every railroad crossing.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, that sounds.

[Christy Lee]

That's kind of sweet really that he brought it back.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, it's nice that he brought it back.

[Christy Lee]

He's sober enough to say, hey look, sorry I was high and drunk.

[Bob Kevoian]

Can you imagine how hard he was laughing and how much fun he was having when he was like two miles in? He took, he successfully took it. He was so high and drunk.

[Pat Godwin]

I've never driven. Have you?

[Bob Kevoian]

It must have been so fun.

[Pat Godwin]

Never driven a bus. Have you ever driven a bus?

[Bob Kevoian]

No. That's why I think this must have been Just wonderful.

[Christy Lee]

Until he sobered up.

[Pat Godwin]

Automatic buses. Automatics now.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, sure they are now.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I'm sure.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, they are. They used to have those big.

[Christy Lee]

The huge stick shift way out there.

[Pat Godwin]

That would be so far.

[Tom Griswold]

Accidentally opened the door instead of shifting gears.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah, yeah. They got rid of the stick shift. It's much too hard to text these kids. Driving me crazy. Josh, what would you do if you're in that situation?

[Bob Kevoian]

You realize, oh, no, I'm in trouble. What are you. What are you doing with the bus? Driving. I think I am driving. No, I'm not going to drive it over a cliff. I think I am taking it back. You are? Yes. Yeah, I. I've always been the kind where when I mess up, when I've messed up, I just face the music. I was like, all right, look, I really screwed up here. I expected much worse out of you.

[Christy Lee]

So, yeah, kind of what he.

[Bob Kevoian]

Off the air, I'm a better person.

[Tom Griswold]

A lot of. A lot of room for kidnap victims on a bus.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Line them up.

[Bob Kevoian]

Says here you kidnapped 40 children.

[Tom Griswold]

I. I wouldn't have gone children, but.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, well, that's who you. The word kid is in the kidnap. It's not adult nap.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's not grown up nap.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, it should be.

[Christy Lee]

So you're saying that the word if that. I never thought about that.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, sure. You napped a kid.

[Christy Lee]

I know, but they're now there. If. If an adult is taken, they.

[Bob Kevoian]

You still use the word kidney.

[Tom Griswold]

You still say kidnap.

[Bob Kevoian]

At what age do you. At what age do you become a hostage?

[Christy Lee]

This is maybe valid question. Maybe this is particular hair. We shouldn't split right now. Right.

[Pat Godwin]

Actually, newly released video of a traffic stop along Route 20 west of Fremont, Ohio, shows body cam footage from a Sandusky county deputy. He had just pulled over a United States States Postal Service mail van for speeding. Going more than 100 miles per hour in a 60 mile per hour zone.

[Christy Lee]

You gotta get that mail out there in time.

[Pat Godwin]

Is there a reason you're going over 100? The video shows the deputy asking the driver, to which the lady driver replies, I didn't realize I was going that fast, Officer. According to the traffic report, the van had no plates and the driver appeared to be racing a Ford Mustang.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Go, girl.

[Christy Lee]

Wow.

[Pat Godwin]

In the body cam video, the deputy goes on to say, quote, yeah, I mean, that Mustang took off. He caught my attention. And then you blew by him. And I was pacing you at like 105 miles per hour.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow.

[Christy Lee]

No. No license plate.

[Pat Godwin]

No.

[Christy Lee]

So it wasn't a legit truck. Then it wasn't still in service.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't know the answer to your question.

[Christy Lee]

It couldn't have been. I mean.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, okay. So this wasn't an actual postal worker.

[Christy Lee]

Maybe it was. Maybe it with somebody when they. They sell one of their trucks. Maybe.

[Bob Kevoian]

I see.

[Christy Lee]

Maybe paint over them before you release them.

[Pat Godwin]

Wonder if it was still right side drive.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, well, the vans. Yeah. I don't know.

[Pat Godwin]

Aren't the van. Some of the vans are.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's fun. I'm all. I'm all for this. Stealing buses, stealing mail trucks.

[Christy Lee]

Is that right?

[Bob Kevoian]

Have fun out there.

[Tom Griswold]

Kidnapping people?

[Christy Lee]

No, I'm sorry.

[Tom Griswold]

Kidnapping children. Now you're all for it?

[Bob Kevoian]

Just make sure it's got government property.

[Christy Lee]

Now, Drew Storn is here with us, and your. Your outfit, if you will, has.

[Tom Griswold]

He's not herding cattle. You're part of that skimmerhorn outfit here.

[Christy Lee]

You're posse. Is that still a thing, posse, or is that a ring? You and your friends have put together this company, and you have. You have a field of dreams. Bourbon, whiskey. Whiskey. Yep. And the corn is from the famous field of dreams, which you guys made arrangements. You leased it and you give. You have the corn coming in. I was thinking, Pat, I don't know if you remember this. You have a song about corn. Oh, famous corn, rugged corn, Midwest corn. Do you remember the background of this hardy corn was. This was the peak of COVID Right?

[Bob Kevoian]

Right. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

And this small town, they. Out of nowhere, this corn stalk started growing in the middle of the road. Right. This was in Sioux Falls.

[Tom Griswold]

You remember the real estate guy's name? I do not.

[Christy Lee]

It was Mayor. It was Mayor Paul Tenhaken.

[Bob Kevoian]

He was a nice guy.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, but it was dubbed the 57th Street Corn.

[Tom Griswold]

I thought that real estate guy came up.

[Bob Kevoian]

He is the mayor.

[Tom Griswold]

He is the mayor.

[Christy Lee]

The realtor was. No, no. The realtor is Chad Thiessen.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's it. I thought they were just. So he didn't talk to the mayor. Why did I treat that guy so well? He wasn't a mayor because he's a real estate agent.

[Pat Godwin]

He deserves.

[Christy Lee]

This was. This is from the Argus. The Argus leader.

[Bob Kevoian]

Ah.

[Christy Lee]

Was where we get the story appeared.

[Bob Kevoian]

And Argus was the monster with 100 eyes. Did you know that?

[Christy Lee]

What's that now?

[Bob Kevoian]

Argus was the Greek monster with a hundred eyes.

[Tom Griswold]

What about any connection to Arlis Howard?

[Bob Kevoian]

No, but I love. I'm a fan.

[Tom Griswold]

He's a big, big fan.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

This isn't an ADD show.

[Christy Lee]

I don't know what is Pinball.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, it is. It's like kind of.

[Christy Lee]

But it was a fun story. They. They rescued the. The corn door got of a crack in the street.

[Bob Kevoian]

You really did champion that story way more than the rest of us.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, way more than we were anyone living. I think you were really fascinated.

[Bob Kevoian]

The corn itself emailed and said please stop talking.

[Christy Lee]

Stop talking.

[Tom Griswold]

I can't go anywhere now.

[Christy Lee]

See I. What I've tried to do is tie in our. The interests of our guest.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that right?

[Christy Lee]

With and other than you're talking about the JC3 whatever the hell that was.

[Bob Kevoian]

Are you you interested?

[Tom Griswold]

JC3 DJ2 is what he did.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

DJ2.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, Derek.

[Bob Kevoian]

He lit up what I mentioned.

[Christy Lee]

Of course he did.

[Bob Kevoian]

He's the only other guy on earth.

[Christy Lee]

We're coming right back. On the other side, we have sweet emotion and news we failed to mention. But Jimmy Pardo is next on the Bob and Tom Show. Great to be here on a Monday morning. This is the Bob and Tom show, the best of the Bob and Tom show. As the gang is out for the holidays. They'll be back next Monday. Here he is, one of our favorites again, comedian Jimmy Pardo.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm Chick McGee. And here's Tom Griswold with a true Bob and Tom comedy legend.

[Christy Lee]

He is Jimmy Pardo, one of my very favorite comedians. He's sitting right there. Agent Bo. Good to see you, sir.

[Bob Kevoian]

Whenever you're listening.

[Christy Lee]

Good to see everybody. I might have gotten it wrong. I said we were talking about John Astin the fine actor.

[Bob Kevoian]

Right.

[Christy Lee]

I said he was most famous for being the.

[Tom Griswold]

We're right back to that.

[Christy Lee]

The teacher in west side Story.

[Bob Kevoian]

Absolutely. What? He is not most famous.

[Christy Lee]

Is it? Is it for I'm Dickens. He's Fenster with Marty Ingles.

[Bob Kevoian]

Nope. It would be Adam's family. And then I would contend Night Court where he played Harry Anderson's first father.

[Tom Griswold]

I always used to get Marty Ingalls and John Aston mixed up. That's interesting. Did you really TV together? Yeah, there's no explaining it well.

[Christy Lee]

Now let's meet our guest. He is a Jimmy Pardo podcaster and stand up comedian. Sure. And hair's looking good. Thank you very much. Got headphones on it right now. You can't see. No, I can see. I can see the beautiful part on top. You can see what's happening up top. I tell you what, I forgot my gelatin at home. I didn't pack my gelatin.

[Bob Kevoian]

So it's.

[Christy Lee]

It's moose slash gelatin free today. I think it's looking okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

More than okay.

[Christy Lee]

Thank you very much.

[Tom Griswold]

Good morning.

[Bob Kevoian]

Glad I came here.

[Tom Griswold]

Nice.

[Pat Godwin]

Dad used to wear his hair like that. Yeah, I like it.

[Christy Lee]

I. I went into a full on meltdown at the, at the hotel not having that gelatin, but I think it's gonna be okay. I'm gonna go through it and I'll go get a travel size later.

[Pat Godwin]

I was gonna say you can go to the CVS now.

[Christy Lee]

Is it. Is it dippity do? I use Dippity do when you.

[Bob Kevoian]

Then I use a brill cream and.

[Christy Lee]

Then I use a brute on the face.

[Tom Griswold]

Really? And then you get out. You get out of the time machine.

[Bob Kevoian]

I haven't bought a product since the 70s.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, there you always.

[Bob Kevoian]

And then you go to the. You go get a chocolate phosphate. I get a phosphate.

[Christy Lee]

And then if I get find myself.

[Bob Kevoian]

Getting a little too heavy, I go, yeah, I throw in the medicine ball and I put around that big weight.

[Christy Lee]

And have that thing shake it off me. So, yeah, I mean, I'm. I'm worth the times. What is, is the. What is the okarant gel called?

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, there's like pomade.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm going to say a bazillion different moose.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

What do I use? The ter. It's be with a T. Christy, you're a lady.

[Pat Godwin]

You know what? Yeah, Tresemme.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, Tresemme.

[Bob Kevoian]

The Tresemme Hair Salon. There it is. Yeah, Yeah, I learned that from the Project Runway.

[Christy Lee]

You could go ahead and get the.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, nice.

[Christy Lee]

Get the models over there.

[Bob Kevoian]

The Tresemme. Do they make the Garnier Fructis?

[Pat Godwin]

I don't know if they're the same company. It could be, though.

[Christy Lee]

I think Garnier might be that company.

[Tom Griswold]

I. I think Garnier and Tres are competing.

[Bob Kevoian]

I am so sorry.

[Tom Griswold]

What we're talking about, Tom, is people who have hair.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, hurtful, unnecessarily.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't think it's unnecessary at all.

[Christy Lee]

I heard the show coming in. Oh, get at him. I like that. They refer to it as product.

[Pat Godwin]

Product.

[Christy Lee]

The young people say. Yeah, that's annoying.

[Bob Kevoian]

You want some product in your hair.

[Christy Lee]

Product in your hair. Oh, really? What else I have produce in my hair?

[Bob Kevoian]

Broccoli.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, let's see. They've got something called Hymns. That's a big brand.

[Christy Lee]

Hims is for your hair to get. That's the grow to hair.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is that not mistaken? Also to help with the gentleman stuff downstairs. That's right. That's exactly right, Jimmy.

[Christy Lee]

Yes, that's. Is that. Isn't that erectile dysfunction and hair and Hair growth? Yeah, down there.

[Pat Godwin]

Do you need hair growth down there?

[Bob Kevoian]

No, it's.

[Christy Lee]

Mino Dick.

[Bob Kevoian]

Pardon?

[Christy Lee]

That's allowed.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, no, I mean comedically.

[Christy Lee]

Is that allowed? Even funnier. Thank you. A long show. We gotta go. You gotta shoot low.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let's see.

[Tom Griswold]

Sebman, Seb man. Kms Hairplay, Redkin bruise. I. I recognize Redken Bru. American crew.

[Pat Godwin]

American crew is for a while.

[Tom Griswold]

Let's see. Oh, none of these for Tom. It says right at the bottom.

[Christy Lee]

Wow. That's very specific.

[Tom Griswold]

That is very specific.

[Christy Lee]

Is the old school one pomade. Was that the pomade?

[Pat Godwin]

Sure.

[Tom Griswold]

That was the one made is not. I don't. Is that a brand or.

[Bob Kevoian]

I thought that was just what it was. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Name of the.

[Pat Godwin]

It's like a clean.

[Christy Lee]

Like a tissue.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Right.

[Pat Godwin]

Kleenex pomade is a thicker.

[Tom Griswold]

You can get a light hold. You can get a stiff hold.

[Pat Godwin]

You get a. You could get a moose back in.

[Christy Lee]

The day of the. So like the Chuck Berry, the so called process. Would he put pomade in. That was not the.

[Pat Godwin]

That's a whole different. That's a whole different thing.

[Bob Kevoian]

Use product.

[Tom Griswold]

I do.

[Bob Kevoian]

What do you use up there?

[Tom Griswold]

I got a. A soft. I'm not sure the name of it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Whatever it is, it looks n. Very natural.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Use a soft hold.

[Tom Griswold]

I use a very. It's underlined. Very soft hold.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm at about a four. I like that little chart they give.

[Christy Lee]

You at the bottom of the gel tube where they 1 through 10 and then you.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't have that.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, you need it.

[Bob Kevoian]

You got.

[Christy Lee]

You got to see where you're coming in. I. I use sunscreen.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah, same here. I'm pretty much all banana boat these days.

[Tom Griswold]

Have you ever tried now, now Tom is a big foot powder guy and he's a big ball powder guy. So what do you use? Gold Bond.

[Christy Lee]

What is it? The medicated powder? Yeah, absolutely.

[Pat Godwin]

On your balls.

[Tom Griswold]

Please don't be so you don't use the mentholated.

[Pat Godwin]

The medicated on your.

[Tom Griswold]

On your balls.

[Bob Kevoian]

Not the mentholated.

[Christy Lee]

The medicated.

[Bob Kevoian]

Once. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Once.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Do they make mentholated medicated?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, I think.

[Christy Lee]

I think so.

[Bob Kevoian]

Jimmy Partle. Did you ever have long younger hair?

[Christy Lee]

What do you mean by that?

[Bob Kevoian]

Like down to your shoulders?

[Christy Lee]

I had a. A mullet in the late 80s, early 90s.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay. When I first started coming on this.

[Christy Lee]

Program, I had a mullet, but everybody did. In the late 80s, early 90s. I had the. That Hasselha, you know that David Hasselhoff sort Of look. Yeah, that sucked.

[Tom Griswold]

Have you never seen the famous Jimmy Pardo Saturday Night Live picture?

[Christy Lee]

Oh, you didn't hear the. You've never seen the biggest debacle in comedy history. There's a headshot of me out there. I'm sitting cross legged on the floor 25 or 6 to 4 style. And I've got Sally Jesse Raphael glasses, acid wash jeans, a mullet, and then for reasons that they don't understand, a Saturday Night Live T shirt. You know, from my years on the program.

[Tom Griswold]

That's right.

[Bob Kevoian]

And I gave that to comedy clubs that I sold it and I. And this is standing up offer out there. If you see that at a comedy club anywhere, if you take a down, I will send you 250. Wow. Okay.

[Christy Lee]

But that's a very specific amount of money. That is. Let's bump that up.

[Bob Kevoian]

500.

[Christy Lee]

You get 500amount, right? I'm doing okay these days.

[Tom Griswold]

I can bump that up. Yeah, you damn right.

[Pat Godwin]

That was your first headshot.

[Christy Lee]

That was not my first.

[Bob Kevoian]

My first shot.

[Christy Lee]

It looked like a magician.

[Bob Kevoian]

So that one had to go.

[Christy Lee]

That one was like, it was all.

[Bob Kevoian]

Dark but a glowy. There it is. There's that.

[Tom Griswold]

Look at that jerk. Look at that guy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Look at that young fellow. Look at that watch. Is the only good thing about that. It's a tattoo. Had Dave Coulier.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, see again, by the way, I got to tell you something. The action I got after shows look with that look. Yeah, I, I did okay back in those days.

[Bob Kevoian]

I have no doubt.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, there's no question.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, you're charming also.

[Pat Godwin]

Sure.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

But I just came off stage doing suck comedy. So there's, you know, I wasn't very good back then.

[Pat Godwin]

Your hair's very curly. I didn't.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, I had a lot of curly hair back when I had. That's. And that is a serious mullet. Yeah, that's.

[Bob Kevoian]

There's a lot.

[Christy Lee]

That's a lot of butter whip going on back there. What kind of shoes are those? Let's assume the Reebok.

[Pat Godwin]

Is that what, high top? Sure.

[Christy Lee]

No, that's not a high top. I just have low ankles.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay. You're wearing white socks. That's a bad.

[Christy Lee]

I really should walk out on low ankles.

[Bob Kevoian]

I really should.

[Christy Lee]

Good night, everybody.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's a good close.

[Christy Lee]

Thank you very much. Jimmy Parta was our guest, a standup comedian, podcaster, one of the. One of the early guys in the world of podcasts.

[Tom Griswold]

You've been coming on here, what, 20, 25 years.

[Christy Lee]

No longer than that, Christy.

[Bob Kevoian]

The first time I came on here.

[Christy Lee]

Christie was running the. The Indy 500 race.

[Bob Kevoian]

What was that thing called?

[Christy Lee]

The. There was a race the Friday before the Indy 500.

[Pat Godwin]

The mini marathon.

[Bob Kevoian]

The mini marathon. You ran that?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

And you guys were doing the show from a rooftop.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, that's right.

[Bob Kevoian]

And that was my first time here.

[Christy Lee]

Really? I want to say that was 9089 or I was.

[Pat Godwin]

That was 35 years. Second husband. So it would have been.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow, huh?

[Christy Lee]

Some people can date things based on the car they had. Christie doesn't know which husband was exactly right.

[Tom Griswold]

Absolutely.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Her new one. We call him Ivy.

[Pat Godwin]

Ivy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Why do we call him that?

[Christy Lee]

He's the fourth now we have.

[Tom Griswold]

You never know that Tom is also divorced. You never know that.

[Bob Kevoian]

A number of times.

[Tom Griswold]

Just the one time. Our foibles seems like more celebrating.

[Pat Godwin]

He just doesn't marry.

[Christy Lee]

Celebrating saves that money. Celebrating the golden anniversary of that event. We have Christy Lee at the news desk. Do we have time to squeeze in one story?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, I guess it's your show. Do we have time.

[Christy Lee]

Our show. I think you guys are the Bob.

[Bob Kevoian]

And the Bob and Tom, aren't you? Don't you guys have kind of a.

[Christy Lee]

The three of us bigger vote on this?

[Pat Godwin]

In Florida, authorities apprehended a wanted man after he got lost in the woods and called deputies for help. The Sewani County Sheriff's office reports 43 year old James Lombardi contacted them.

[Christy Lee]

That's the river, right?

[Pat Godwin]

Sewani, how I love you. How.

[Christy Lee]

Old Sawani.

[Pat Godwin]

Because he was lost in a wooded area between the Brantford Greenway Trail Trail on the Suwannee River. They went in search of the man, located him within an hour and discovered he had an active arrest warrant for violation of probation. Now, while searching the suspect before taking him to jail, they found drugs in his possession, including marijuana, a glass smoking pipe and meth.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that's not.

[Pat Godwin]

Boy.

[Christy Lee]

Well, I'm looking at a picture of this guy and the reason I'm not on a jury is I'm going to say guilty.

[Tom Griswold]

You can just tell by looking.

[Christy Lee]

Look at this guy. Obviously.

[Pat Godwin]

Obviously.

[Tom Griswold]

So you see him. Just one of the many reasons you're not a police officer. You're driving down the street.

[Christy Lee]

You see, I'd be a good cop.

[Tom Griswold]

I'd be a bad jury guy walking toward you and go, let's pull this guy over and take him in.

[Christy Lee]

Just probable cause.

[Tom Griswold]

Probable cause, right.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't. Legally, I don't know if that holds up. That's why I'm not on the jury.

[Christy Lee]

I mean, even now. Is this, Is this the Sewani river from the song?

[Bob Kevoian]

No, I think that's Swanee River.

[Pat Godwin]

This is.

[Bob Kevoian]

The Stephen Foster class.

[Christy Lee]

Sawani would be more difficult to sing, but Swanee. Speaking of singing, they had to listen to that Godwin song on the way in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my least favorite topic, of course, is bowel movements. I had to hear a nine minute song about that. Then, Pat, if I may call you out on this.

[Bob Kevoian]

Chrissy tells a great story about them.

[Christy Lee]

Finding a skull on the bayou.

[Bob Kevoian]

And you got nothing. I had nothing.

[Christy Lee]

You got your skull on the bayou.

[Tom Griswold]

You don't go ccr?

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

I got the text last night for the poop songs. You're too busy with the poop. Four hours. Four hours? Yeah, right after I did Everybody Farts by R.E.M.

[Christy Lee]

Taking my headphones Off.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's your favorite word, isn't it?

[Christy Lee]

No, it's my.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, it's my least favorite.

[Christy Lee]

It's my least favorite. What about.

[Bob Kevoian]

I hate that.

[Christy Lee]

Okay. What about Last Poor Yorick and the Skull Story? That was a good one. Yeah, that's. You have a song for that one?

[Tom Griswold]

That's what he just.

[Bob Kevoian]

Are you part of your own show? You're the Tom. Jimmy, this is.

[Tom Griswold]

We get this. My whole premise was every day I.

[Christy Lee]

Had to hear that poo poo song.

[Bob Kevoian]

Where's the skull on the body? You gave you a little taste of it. This is just how things are now.

[Christy Lee]

No, I, I, I. When you put him in the home. We're going to take a short break. Come back with staffer Jeff. Okay. And news we failed to mention. It's one of our favorite segments on a Friday. This. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Bob Kevoian]

Bob and Tom.

[Christy Lee]

The next time you're traveling, don't forget about the historical and beautiful state of Illinois. Catch a Cubs game at Wrigley Field in Chicago. Hit a riverboat casino in Peoria, and make sure you visit the charming community of Effingham, Illinois, where Interstate 770 meets the Little Wabash River. And whenever you're in Effingham, visit the Effing House Family restaurant. Founded in 1854 by the corpulent railroad magnet, Colonel Harry S. Effing. The Effing House family Restaurant is one of America's oldest and finest dining establishments. Start your day with the delicious Effing Country Breakfast, featuring an effing omelette with toast, grits and a big, big effing beverage of your choice. Or try our B, E D. The Big Effing deal once again.

[Bob Kevoian]

This week it's effing ham and eggs.

[Christy Lee]

For lunch, try the huge effing burger. And fried in a rich butter sauce mixed with big effing egg yolks. We call it the effing heart attack. It's an effing experience you'll never forget. And what about dinner? Juicy effing steaks with fresh effing effing veggies and a creme brulee. That's effing out of this effing world. Or go effing nuts with a hot fudge sundae. How would you rate the effing House family restaurant? It was the best effing experience of my life.

[Bob Kevoian]

Rate this place? Well, I wouldn't give it a B. I wouldn't even give it a C.

[Tom Griswold]

Because it's effing A.

[Christy Lee]

In Effingham, Illinois, it's the effing House family restaurant. You'll have an effing good time. Happy Monday morning to you. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. More of the Best of the Bob and Tom Show. Jeff Osay, comedian, staffer, does news we failed to mention every Friday morning. Let's get a taste of that here on the Best of the Bob and Tom show. It's a shirtless Jeff Os with a nice green bow tie in honor of St. Patrick, Green Sister and a weirdo. What's that weird tattoo above your right boob?

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, that's a snake with a rose around it. Because when I was 18 I wanted to show everyone how white trash I was. I think it's badass. Yeah, I figured Bert Kreischer, he may be the number one shirtless comedian, but hey, there's not a number two. I could take 1% of his fan base and I would be rich. All right, I'm Jeff Oskay from the failed dimension news desk. We give you a lot of the news. We don't give you all the news. I'm here to give you the news that we failed to mention. With what you failed to mention, nose. The NCAA Final Tourney 4 tournament is here. We did our usual office pool where we pull teams. What you failed to mention? I'm starting to believe our office pool is fixed. For the fifth year in a row I have pulled University of Phoenix online. Oh, that's fixed.

[Tom Griswold]

Online.

[Bob Kevoian]

Online. A Florida man did 3264 push ups in one hour to set a new world record. What you failed to mention? He beat my lifetime push up record by a measly 3,260 pushups. Some woman won the Guinness World Record for the largest four leaf clover collection with 138,000 four leaf clovers. What you failed to mention. With almost all that luck, you would have thought she would have landed herself a good man by now. I didn't even know that for a fact. She may be married. A man was arrested for harassing humpback whales and dolphins. What? You failed to mention how. Hey, for a humpback, you're not getting much action for the ladies there, whale. You're gonna have to change your name to Broken Back Whales, if you know what I mean. No. Okay.

[Christy Lee]

I'm applauding the effort.

[Bob Kevoian]

There's a new. I gotta tell you this in my head seemed brilliant. Now that I'm naked on feel very vulnerable.

[Pat Godwin]

You look great, I gotta tell you.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thank you. There's a new Sunny D vodka seltzer hitting the market. Well, you failed to mention. Not to be outdone, OJ Is releasing a new I didn't murder my Wife and her Boyfriend Screwdriver.

[Christy Lee]

Premixed.

[Bob Kevoian]

Tom found a new Tom Jones record this week to our listeners. They loved it, let me tell you. Unfortunately, Tom, I don't know if you saw, but I had Eddie take the record player out from your office and put it in the Failed Dimension studio. And I found a old Tom Jones record lying around. Let's have a listen.

[Christy Lee]

Okay, good watch.

[Bob Kevoian]

You push a cat. That is from all of our listeners, Tom. All of our thousands of listeners. Every one of them, a man had six pack abs tattooed on his stomach to give the impression that he was in good shape at the beach. What you failed to mention. Tomorrow I'm getting veins tattooed on my member just to make him look a little girthier.

[Josh Arnold]

That's going to hurt.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let's see here. A Texas art teacher and 14 of his students set the Guinness World Record for the largest paper snowflake coming in at 58ft across. What you failed to mention. Don't worry. Students at UC Berkeley still hold the record for the largest group of snowflakes. So I don't know if you saw this, but they. They're considering allowing betting. Legal betting on the WWE wrestling. What you failed to mention. How's that going to go? Parlays will be like a game of Clue. I have Seamus knocking out Seth Rollins in the locker room with a steel chair for five bucks. I hope that's exactly how it goes. And finally, we've been talking ice cream trucks all week. What you failed to mention the ice cream Truck in my old neighborhood before I moved. Used to play Stars and stripes forever. Oh. Through a crappy speaker on top of a crappier cargo van. Just the way Susan tended when he pinned it back in 1896. That's the thing. I know Tom talks about the ice cream truck in his neighborhood. I don't believe it. You only find ice cream trucks in poor people's neighborhoods. You want to know why? Because those rich fricks already have ice cream in the freezer. No money to be made. I'm Jeffrey.

[Christy Lee]

What's the cat record?

[Tom Griswold]

What is he saying? Stop.

[Pat Godwin]

Stop this record.

[Tom Griswold]

Stop this record.

[Christy Lee]

It's not a running gag. It will continue forever. Now.

[Tom Griswold]

Dear Tom.

[Christy Lee]

Now what?

[Tom Griswold]

This is from William. Officer William.

[Christy Lee]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

This morning I was dropping off my mother. She was going shopping, and I was.

[Christy Lee]

Really kind of early. What she. Heroin.

[Tom Griswold]

I asked her.

[Christy Lee]

Heroin.

[Tom Griswold]

What part of officer didn't you hear?

[Christy Lee]

Oh, sorry.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, so he knows who has the good stuff. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

On our way downtown, I asked, do you mind that I turn on my favorite radio program?

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, thank you.

[Tom Griswold]

And she said, of course, Danny. That would be lovely. Just my luck, the minute I t tuned in, I heard Tom saying, that's why you just have a spoon of semen. She just stared at me, and I reached up and clicked the radio.

[Bob Kevoian]

This your favorite?

[Christy Lee]

You say your mom. Your mom missed all the context.

[Tom Griswold]

Thank you, William.

[Christy Lee]

It's perfectly valid. Now, we have more news over there. Christian.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. A number of Florida beachgoers say they've been having unexpected Encounters with nudists. WofL.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, that's. That's right. We might sound awful. We're not.

[Pat Godwin]

Reports that sections of the Canaveral national seashore were damaged by hurricanes last year, and some signs marking areas of nude sunbathing were washed away in the storms. At Playa Linda beach, some families have reportedly been venturing to stretches of the beach they would not normally go.

[Christy Lee]

Hey, lady, want to see my gantry?

[Pat Godwin]

And have thus encountered nudists when they did not expect to.

[Christy Lee]

What's gantry?

[Tom Griswold]

What isn't the gantry?

[Christy Lee]

That thing right next to the rocket before it goes up?

[Pat Godwin]

I have no idea.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, it's like a superstructure of.

[Pat Godwin]

You know what it is?

[Christy Lee]

They pull it away.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, it's huge.

[Christy Lee]

It's huge. Erect and upright, if I'm not mistaken. Sorry.

[Pat Godwin]

Both beachgoers and nudists told the station they would like clear boundaries and warning signs. Officials said there's no federal law addressing nudity on the beach. Beach, since it is a national park. However, Brevard Sheriff's office noted that parts of the beach are on state property where it is illegal to go nude. Beachgoers should call the office of the sheriff if they think someone is breaking the law.

[Christy Lee]

It's Brevard. They have the city Itty bitty, Itty Bitty Nudity committee. I mean, what do you expect? Yeah, I'd be more concerned about gators than some naked lady walking by.

[Pat Godwin]

Usually it's naked guys, too.

[Tom Griswold]

Did you guys know that Cape Canaveral is Cape Canaveral again? At was only cape Kennedy from 1963 to 1973. Does that make sense?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, they re. They went back.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, how could they do that?

[Christy Lee]

They just. Jason came.

[Tom Griswold]

Kennedy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, it's not like his brother was going to say something.

[Christy Lee]

Oh.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know, wow.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, can you do something about your. Your kid over there?

[Christy Lee]

I'm Sirhan, sir. Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, that was the classic Griswold defense.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Unbelievable. Believable. He's Griswold.

[Christy Lee]

These are my dogs. Like I shot Bobby, my dog's Sir Hannah Oswald.

[Tom Griswold]

I was trying to look up what Canaveral meant and.

[Christy Lee]

Canaveral, just the name of the place. I don't know.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, is it like Arty Canaveral, or does it mean.

[Christy Lee]

It could be first settlers or first persons maybe? I believe it means enclosed belly button as well. It is east.

[Tom Griswold]

It is east of Merit island, separated from it by the Banana River. I'm glad you guys think that. I think that's hilarious.

[Christy Lee]

You know what you ride on the Banana River?

[Bob Kevoian]

A banana boat.

[Tom Griswold]

Banana boat.

[Christy Lee]

You want to see my banana?

[Tom Griswold]

A banana river.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, that guy's back.

[Tom Griswold]

That guy. That guy's back.

[Christy Lee]

You didn't want to see my G. How about my banana? You want to see the Banana River?

[Bob Kevoian]

I got the banana, you got the split flows up.

[Pat Godwin]

I had your split.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, it's banana man audio.

[Christy Lee]

What is this?

[Pat Godwin]

What is this?

[Tom Griswold]

Banana Splits.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

But what was that?

[Christy Lee]

The wrong button? It was.

[Tom Griswold]

One more minute.

[Christy Lee]

All right, so the problem is there's nudity on the beaches by Cape Canaveral.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you remember the names of the Banana Splits? There was Bingo Drooper, Sirhan, Booth and Snort.

[Bob Kevoian]

Snort.

[Tom Griswold]

Snark, Snort.

[Christy Lee]

Hinkley, Snort.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes. Hinckley Chapman. Could we dust and geen.

[Christy Lee]

Hey, so.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm sorry, are you done?

[Christy Lee]

No, I just. I was just curious. What are they doing about the nudity? Are they encouraging people to take their clothes off?

[Pat Godwin]

No, they're not encouraging. They're saying in some parts it is okay. In some parts it's not. If you're uncomfortable, the signs are down.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, well.

[Christy Lee]

What's the matter, lady? Ever had a sack lunch? I brought one.

[Pat Godwin]

Yikes.

[Christy Lee]

Sorry.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, we could eat a sack lunch over here by the Banana river.

[Bob Kevoian]

Seven up tube steaks mothered in underwear.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, that's right. Come on over here. Let's get that over the shoulder.

[Christy Lee]

Golder, off you. Yeah, come on. The Philadelphia tube steak sandwich with cheese.

[Pat Godwin]

Speaking of food, new survey finds people do not like to share their food when they go out to eat.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, that's true.

[Pat Godwin]

According people.

[Bob Kevoian]

Not you people.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, I don't count.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, normal people.

[Pat Godwin]

Wait till I finish. According to the poll.

[Christy Lee]

Sorry, sorry.

[Bob Kevoian]

He got so mad he punched his mic. Snuck up on you. Wait till I finish.

[Tom Griswold]

I think Tom's disgruntled.

[Christy Lee]

I just have to clean my microphone. Oh, you got that back. The noise is coming from in your area.

[Tom Griswold]

Goodness, that's bad.

[Pat Godwin]

According to the poll, 67% of respondents in a relationship.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, a poll. One nightsy bowl. Oh, sorry.

[Pat Godwin]

Said they do not share their food with their partner.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's.

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Pat Godwin]

46% would consider it a deal breaker if they were on a first date and someone asked to try their food.

[Bob Kevoian]

That just. What? That's crazy high.

[Pat Godwin]

Really?

[Bob Kevoian]

46%.

[Christy Lee]

What is it? I had the lobster and she had the jello.

[Tom Griswold]

I have.

[Christy Lee]

No, you can't have a bite of lobster.

[Tom Griswold]

I have found that the happier you are in a relationship, the more willing you are to share your food.

[Pat Godwin]

That sounds right.

[Bob Kevoian]

The first date is shocking.

[Christy Lee]

Josh. If you were listening to someone and she said, hey, can I. Can I have a bite of your. Whatever it is you're having?

[Bob Kevoian]

You wanted to say something. What did you want to say? Wheelbarrow full of cheese. What was.

[Tom Griswold]

It's like, can I have a bite of some of that? Because you have more than enough stuff like.

[Christy Lee]

No, no, no, I didn't.

[Bob Kevoian]

Of that 24 inch sandwich.

[Christy Lee]

I wasn't going down. I wasn't going here on the end.

[Chick McGee]

You'll never.

[Tom Griswold]

You'll never miss it.

[Christy Lee]

Can I have a bite of your pot pie? Mine is.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm. Oh, boy. Nothing like a nice. Take a nice woman out on a first date to the pot pie factory.

[Christy Lee]

I happen to have. We all know this a great pot pie place right down the road.

[Pat Godwin]

Tell you what, eat there.

[Christy Lee]

You sure get that pot pie.

[Pat Godwin]

A fifth of respondents said they'd have to know someone for at least six months before they feel comfortable sharing food.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's weird.

[Pat Godwin]

Just share the food.

[Bob Kevoian]

Or just go, no, you can't.

[Pat Godwin]

I just want to bite.

[Christy Lee]

I'd like the. I'd like the double tomahawk ribeye. She'd like the jello. I know you can't have a bite.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thought we didn't hear it the first ace.

[Christy Lee]

I've noticed you haven't shared any of your pizzas. What does this mean?

[Bob Kevoian]

I.

[Pat Godwin]

We haven't asked.

[Christy Lee]

I know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Christy, first date. Will you share your food if asked?

[Pat Godwin]

Of course I would.

[Bob Kevoian]

Really? Would you be mad about it? No, We've all done that. Hey, you want some of this? Yeah, I'll have some of that.

[Tom Griswold]

You kiss on the.

[Christy Lee]

Damn it.

[Bob Kevoian]

I didn't mean it.

[Pat Godwin]

Depends on who it is.

[Tom Griswold]

Kiss on the.

[Pat Godwin]

Really depends on who it is.

[Bob Kevoian]

Have you ever had sex on a first date?

[Tom Griswold]

Depends on who it is.

[Pat Godwin]

Depends on who it is.

[Bob Kevoian]

Chick McGee.

[Tom Griswold]

Did you.

[Pat Godwin]

We have never dated.

[Tom Griswold]

Did you ever have sex on a first date In a Midwife west state?

[Christy Lee]

What exactly are you going after? I like it. Chick wants to know if Christie ever got loco in Ohio. I want to figure it out too.

[Tom Griswold]

Round on the end, high in the middle.

[Pat Godwin]

Is it a date or just a one night stand? There is a difference.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is it true that you sleep with more men that you. The men you meet, you sleep with more. More often than not, you'll bang. You'll bang a guy, buddy.

[Christy Lee]

Excuse me?

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm asking if you're a. An aggressive.

[Christy Lee]

You stammered through that? It was still worth it.

[Pat Godwin]

That was great. Christy, I. I'll take care of this.

[Christy Lee]

For you, all right? It's unbelievable.

[Tom Griswold]

Are you more than likely. If you know it's going to be like you're never going to see this guy again, go ahead and sleep with.

[Christy Lee]

Excuse me. What about before a first date? What about just like a random. Would you share your food in the first?

[Pat Godwin]

I said yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

What if it was a banana split?

[Pat Godwin]

I don't even. Well, yeah, sure. What if I don't even like.

[Tom Griswold]

What if you are doing. Would you do the. The wrap your arm around his and take a bite. If he noticed some chocolate sauce dripping down your chin, he reached over, got it with his finger and licked it like that.

[Christy Lee]

What is going on?

[Bob Kevoian]

Is that a romantic moment for you?

[Tom Griswold]

Is that a romantic.

[Christy Lee]

Ever done. Ever done the. Ever done the spaghetti thing?

[Bob Kevoian]

Lady and the Tramp some vermicelli?

[Pat Godwin]

I have not done that.

[Tom Griswold]

That's where you hold meatballs.

[Christy Lee]

You pull on his rigatoni, say, oh, yeah, my old boyfriend. Scissor like this. Oh, that big. No, that dirty.

[Tom Griswold]

Beefy and bloody.

[Christy Lee]

All right. I don't know. This was supposed to be about sharing food. I.

[Pat Godwin]

Do you share your food?

[Bob Kevoian]

Sure.

[Pat Godwin]

No, you don't seem like a sharer to me.

[Christy Lee]

Absolutely. When you're eating with kids.

[Tom Griswold]

You know what? Especially I will not share food with. If I. Josh and I went out to lunch, I wouldn't share food.

[Christy Lee]

That's not true.

[Pat Godwin]

You.

[Bob Kevoian]

You do.

[Tom Griswold]

Do I?

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, you know what? You're. That's a lie. You're very good at getting food for the table, and then we get our.

[Pat Godwin]

Entree until I have a problem.

[Christy Lee]

If you both get fries, right? And they. And you're. You both still have fries and they reach and have one of your fries. What's that all about?

[Pat Godwin]

What is that all about?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, you mean I have my own fries, but I want some of yours?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, same fries, but they're the same.

[Tom Griswold]

That's rude.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that's. Well, not yet dates.

[Pat Godwin]

Is that a control thing?

[Bob Kevoian]

Because I'll do that with my nieces. I'll go, oh, my gosh, this has to be the largest fry. I can't believe I was so lucky to get the biggest fry. And then they grab it and eat it and think it's so funny. Maybe I should start doing that on first dates.

[Tom Griswold]

What about you're on a first date and you have an orgasm and you get up and leave because you don't care if she has one?

[Bob Kevoian]

What about that?

[Christy Lee]

Well, first of all, I. Waiter, could I have the check, please? First. Yeah, I think we're. I thought we were. We are coming right back. Promise on this Monday morning, a little sweet emotion for you. That's next here on the Bob and Tom show. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. This segment kicks off little Arrow Smith here on the Bob and Tom show. I'm playing this for a reason.

[Bob Kevoian]

Because it's one of the greatest, greatest introductions of any song ever.

[Tom Griswold]

This was the first song I played on the radio.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

October 12, 1976.

[Bob Kevoian]

I can't think of a better song for you to start with.

[Pat Godwin]

I wrecked my first card of this song.

[Christy Lee]

Song has a lot of history around here.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, it does.

[Christy Lee]

Do you know one of the reasons.

[Pat Godwin]

What?

[Bob Kevoian]

I didn't hear what you said, Sweet emotion.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Why are you playing this?

[Pat Godwin]

I don't know why?

[Christy Lee]

Because this song famously features sugar packets as part of the. They didn't have any maracas in the studios.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is that right?

[Tom Griswold]

No.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

He just told that story recently. He shook something crazy.

[Tom Griswold]

They're full of crap.

[Bob Kevoian]

It wasn't sugar packs.

[Christy Lee]

Jack Douglas, who produced it, says he cranked up the mics and told Steven Tyler to use sugar packs for the percussion.

[Bob Kevoian]

What's that other noise going on? What do you mean? It's like a music box.

[Pat Godwin]

Your phone going off. What's going on over there?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, there it is.

[Bob Kevoian]

What is that? Got a music box.

[Pat Godwin]

Where's your phone?

[Christy Lee]

Over here. Answer it. Maybe. Oh, okay. Glad I didn't do this. Okay, Tom.

[Tom Griswold]

What was so innocent? Tom? I, I. Yeah. Nobody loves you like I do.

[Bob Kevoian]

But.

[Tom Griswold]

But maybe radio isn't for you.

[Christy Lee]

I have no idea why that.

[Bob Kevoian]

What a wimpy tone.

[Christy Lee]

I put on a new. I put on a new glass thing yesterday.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, naturally, that would affect the.

[Christy Lee]

No, no. I must have inadvertently turned the ringer back on.

[Tom Griswold]

Now listening. Tom got a new screen protector for his phone and he's gone through it with everybody living in the studio today.

[Christy Lee]

No, here. By the way, why would you buy a screen producer? You can't buy one. They're all three packs and two packs.

[Bob Kevoian]

You can buy one.

[Christy Lee]

No, you can't.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, Best Buy. Just walk in and buy one. I just did it. Let's pack on one for Best Buy.

[Christy Lee]

Thanks. You're a day late.

[Bob Kevoian]

My protector.

[Christy Lee]

I've got. I've got another one here, by the way, on this one. If you're looking at your phone and you decide it disappears.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

We can't see you looking at your only fans.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, I think the serious.

[Bob Kevoian]

The.

[Pat Godwin]

That. Your ringtone, that little music box.

[Christy Lee]

Obviously, when I put this glass thing on, I must have hit all these. That's not my ringtone.

[Bob Kevoian]

Who in your life. Doesn't everybody in your life know not to call you between a certain time in the morning?

[Christy Lee]

It's a delivery.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, I didn't realize.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, and I. I know the exact date when the privacy screen that you just described was invented.

[Bob Kevoian]

Really? Forever?

[Christy Lee]

Okay, I. I didn't know I was getting. I didn't know I had that. No, I was just kidding.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't have it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

They're cool. Okay. Sorry about that. But, yeah, that's according to Jack Douglas, the producer of that. It's Steven Tyler shaking sugar package.

[Tom Griswold]

Seems pretty certain that it's not.

[Christy Lee]

Well, Jack Douglas was there producing it, so maybe he'd know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Of course, he's 80 years old and does he just. Not Stephen Tyler. Cocaine packets. That probably doesn't sound the same as sugar, does it?

[Tom Griswold]

You know what? Talking about Christy.

[Pat Godwin]

No, I have no idea. They're Usually in plastic. They're not in, baby.

[Bob Kevoian]

And Steven Tyler broke that thing in the middle in the beginning of the song, too. He broke whatever he was.

[Christy Lee]

This is. I'm sorry. It's the Source. And that is Steven Tyler.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

So from Arrow. So it's a great, great song. No matter what.

[Tom Griswold]

He's probably just having fun with us.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hey, are they really changing that rock and roller coaster that Aerosmith was.

[Pat Godwin]

Yep.

[Bob Kevoian]

To whom they were a terrific choice.

[Christy Lee]

I'm not sure.

[Bob Kevoian]

Huh.

[Christy Lee]

But, yeah, it's. It's going to be different.

[Tom Griswold]

Maybe someone.

[Christy Lee]

It's going to be from this or somebody.

[Tom Griswold]

Just saying.

[Pat Godwin]

That.

[Christy Lee]

Is it?

[Bob Kevoian]

If it's like bts, I'm gonna go. Yeah, I'll write it. Just don't fasten the seat belt.

[Christy Lee]

I'd like to fly off.

[Pat Godwin]

Talk about hat from that cutting your.

[Tom Griswold]

Nose off despite your face.

[Bob Kevoian]

I know. It's. I'm a real, real weirdo.

[Pat Godwin]

It's unre open in late summer. Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, now he's taking a drink. We heard ice. Oh, you're like that guy in Prairie Home Companion that would stand to the side with.

[Tom Griswold]

One of the first things he yelled at me. I had. I had my Diet Pepsi in a cup with ice in it. And he goes, can I tell you something? You never use ice on the air. People could hear that.

[Christy Lee]

People can hear that. This came with ice. I'm sorry. Having a little tea, evidently.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, so if it's grandfathered in, it's okay?

[Christy Lee]

Exactly.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that what you say?

[Christy Lee]

Christy, could we get back to the news desk? Do you have anything over there that's interesting?

[Pat Godwin]

What a dick. Rapper Rick Ross's buffaloes Bison are safe at home thanks to his neighbors. The Fayette County Sheriff's Office in Georgia said several buffalo were spotted strolling around the community. Ross, who uses social media to document life on his ranch, dubbed the promised land, Give me a home where I roam. Took to Instagram to address the situation. He said, my buffaloes, they just really wanted to see the other side. It's just like some of my young hustlers, my young brothers. You gotta get loose sometimes and see the other side.

[Tom Griswold]

That's right.

[Pat Godwin]

In another video, he said, thank you, everybody, for making sure all my animals got back into the promised land. All my neighbors in Fayetteville, y'all the best. Spokesperson. Sheriff's office confirmed that the buffaloes really bison belong to Ross and were safely returned to his property.

[Christy Lee]

But, I mean, I like this guy because it's not, you know, the typical thing where the guy goes and gets tigers or whatever.

[Bob Kevoian]

He's probably a wise investor. He's got land and we call them.

[Christy Lee]

Buffaloes with the buffalo nickel. But it technically is a bison.

[Bob Kevoian]

Are there really no buffalo left at all?

[Pat Godwin]

No, they've all were there never were. They were always bison.

[Bob Kevoian]

And where were the buffalo action name.

[Pat Godwin]

Came from the 1700s. I think they in an inaccurately called them buffalo.

[Christy Lee]

Different buffalo.

[Pat Godwin]

They exist, but in Africa.

[Tom Griswold]

Nope.

[Christy Lee]

Then Portugal.

[Bob Kevoian]

Upstate New York.

[Pat Godwin]

You guys gotcha.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Upstate New York's very funny. I like it.

[Christy Lee]

It's convenient because buffalo rhymes with hoe, which is the main topic of most rap songs. And hoes of course. Volume one of the time.

[Tom Griswold]

If Rick Ross walked in here right now, you would crap your pants. Yeah, absolutely.

[Christy Lee]

I like this guy.

[Tom Griswold]

He's quite the imposing figure.

[Christy Lee]

I I Good for him. I think it's great that he doesn't have talent. Tigers or giraffes or something weird.

[Pat Godwin]

He's a ranch. He's a rancher.

[Bob Kevoian]

Good for him.

[Christy Lee]

It's nice to change of pace for famous people instead of getting weird animals that should only be in zoos or.

[Bob Kevoian]

Cloning their own dogs.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, we're looking at you, Babs.

[Bob Kevoian]

How much time does James Brolin spend rubbing the bridge of his nose?

[Christy Lee]

Still golfing.

[Tom Griswold]

9:00 at night, rubbing her feet. Oh God.

[Christy Lee]

But now, speaking of animals escaping from zoos, we got a couple of those too.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, we have a zebra on the loose roaming the streets of South Korea's capital for several hours before it was returned to a zoo. Police said emergency workers managed to corner the zebra after entered a narrow alleyway between houses and shot it with tranquilizers, ending its three hours of freedom. An official at the Children's grand park in Seoul said the zebra, a male named Satisfaction Zero, was in stable condition and being examined by veterinarians. The zoo was investigating how the animal managed to escape.

[Christy Lee]

See, that's a happy zebra story.

[Pat Godwin]

Do you have a zebra song?

[Bob Kevoian]

Sure.

[Christy Lee]

Remember the one we had last week? Here it is. An Ohio man was hospitalized after his pet zebra nearly bit his arm off.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh yeah, that's right.

[Christy Lee]

Sheriff's deputies found the 72 year old man lying on the ground in a fenced in field. The zebra continued acting erratically while deputies were trying to assist the man. They had to shoot it and kill it.

[Pat Godwin]

He was protecting his women.

[Christy Lee]

So now we know what's black and white and red all over.

[Tom Griswold]

It's a bleeding zebra.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, it's a zebra that's just been shot by the sheriff. Sorry. You Have a pat. A zebra song Pat. Yeah. Oh.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm the type of zebra who will never settle down I broke out of the zoo and roam around the town I like to eat some bark and I believe is ripe it's hard to blend in a park, you know, on account of the stripes. They call me the wanderer, the zebra wanderer. My stripes go up and down and up and down. I'm Marty from Madagascar. The movie didn't get it right. Zebras aren't from there. Try to pet me, I will bite don't put a saddle on my back I'll make you cry Kick ye in the face Give you a three week black eye Here comes my handlers with trust tranquilizers My stripes go up and down. Oh, kicking in right away.

[Christy Lee]

Thank you, Pat.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you think they ever shoot the zebra with a tranquilizer? And as it, as they look at it lying there on the ground, they go, well, now what? We didn't really think about how we're gonna have to carry this thing.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, no, you know when, when a horse dies, they need a backhoe. They have to bring out.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh my God.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, yeah, good topic.

[Bob Kevoian]

But in this case, they want to keep it alive to get it back to the zoo.

[Pat Godwin]

They have like a sling, a big stretcher sling.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, they probably have to bring in the heavy.

[Tom Griswold]

They only use a sling for a donkeys. That's from the famous saying, your ass is in a sling.

[Christy Lee]

I think that's where that comes from.

[Tom Griswold]

Isn't that right?

[Christy Lee]

I had no idea. This is is the Bob and Tom.

[Chick McGee]

Show.

[Pat Godwin]

Named one of the best personal finance podcasts.

[Bob Kevoian]

The Stacking Benjamin show with Joe and his friends makes financial literacy fun.

[Christy Lee]

Draymond Green has a podcast. He was asking Mark Cuban why at the beginning of 2024, Cuban sold a.

[Pat Godwin]

Huge part of his company.

[Christy Lee]

He's like, did you see how much money I got? I'm sure there's a more graceful answer than that, but dude, I bought it for 200 hundred million and sold it for 6 billion.

[Bob Kevoian]

Like, what the heck? I don't think it was that much more graceful than that.

[Pat Godwin]

Find out more by searching the Stacking Benjamin's podcast wherever you listen.