The BOB & TOM Show - February 13, 2026 - The BOB & TOM Show Free Podcast

Transcript

Chick McGee (0:16)

It's the Bob and Tom show.

Donnie Baker (0:21)

Hey, Bob and Tom, this is Donnie Baker. Man, you know, Valentine's Day can be.

Chick McGee (0:25)

A lot of pressure.

Donnie Baker (0:26)

Hell, half the guys here at work get all nervous about it. Or overspend every year anyways. Guys, it's a silly game, man, but we have to play it. It all goes back to 8th grade home ec, when every chick got that stupid guy girl pamphlet, man, with rules about how you gotta hold your God of Valentine's duty. Whatever, man. It's mostly secret stuff like the Da Vinci Code. But man, there's no need to start pawnin stuff just because your dates demand any roses or a Whitman sampler. I mean, I never got the demand for candy anyways. Just don't make no sense to me. I mean, one day your chick is asking if her Zubaz make her butt look big. Then the next day, all of a sudden she's craving Little Debbies. First gotta do, man, is plan ahead. I betcha 50 bucks you still got fun sized candy bars in the junk drawer left over from Halloween. Just open them up, man. Then cut them into quarters. Then go to the hardware store and buy a handyman assortment of like screws, nuts and bolts. You don't need that stuff. You just need the container. Dump them out and then put the candy between the dividers. Tell her the candy was like from overseas, special order. And they had to ship it in something waterproof. And then put some red ribbon around the box to hide the barcode. Red ribbon makes anything look like a Valentine's gift, man. I swear to God it does. I remember this one year, man, my mom was in tears when one of her boyfriends brought her two pounds of ground chuck freezer wrapped in red ribbon. He tried to be all smooth about it and stuff. He was like, well, we'll save the beef for later. Cause tonight was meant for pork. My mom's knees buckled and stuff. I couldn't believe she bought it. And she would have never left him if he didn't already have a wife and four kids of his own. I told her he was a liar when he kept saying he had to coach Little League two states away. Anyways, man, red ribbon solves that puzzle. Plus, it's cheap too, man. Hell, they sell it by the yard. I remember this one time, I took a couple rolls of police tape from my uncle's squad car. I draped it all around my neighbor's yard. Then I started this big rumor that he was arrested for having sex with animals. He threatened to slim me. I mean, not to my face. But he was like, there's no truth to it, Donny. And I was like, well, then how come you sleep in the same bed with a sea cow, Mitchell? I swear to God, I said it right to his face, man. To this day, when people drive by his house, they still slow down and point. Drives them crazy, man. So maybe you're tired of trying to find the right candy. I mean, maybe flowers are the way to go. And there's nothing wrong with paying for nice ones, man. They work. But if you get in a pinch and you only have, like, an hour or two before the date, well, then just pick up a newspaper, turn toward the back where they print the obituaries. I've told you guys before, the best place for flowers is funeral homes. Most times, you'll still find decent ones out by the dumpster. I'll look at it this way, man. These dead people aren't passing away. They're just passing on the savings to you. That's why they call it the circle of life. Anyways, I mean, I ain't into Disney movies or nothing, but me and Scotty used to work in a theater and stuff. And I remember catching the end of, like, Bambi or Samba's. And that whole circle of life theory really hit home to me, man. I mean, it made me think a little bit. We used to clean up theaters after movies for, like, four bucks an hour. I used to prank Scotty all the time. Scotty showed up late, so he was always stuck with floor duty. So I'd buy a box of rubbers and fill them up halfway with popcorn butter. I swear to God I would, man. I'd flip them all the floor and be like, pick up those colonels, Scotty, I swear to God, man, he couldn't get over people knocking boots to Bambi. That's another thing about Valentine's Day, man. They call it VD for a reason. And it's true, man. I mean, sluts are a lot like those little chocolates, man. They all look good, but sometimes you take a bite and you get that green gooey one. Then it's off to the free clinic for penicillin time. So be careful of the ones you pick. And happy Valentine's, man. I got a gun.

Summary

The BOB & TOM Show — February 13, 2026

Main Theme & Overview

This episode of The BOB & TOM Show blends irreverent comedy, personal stories, audience letters, and lively group discussions centered around upcoming Valentine’s Day, mishaps, family dynamics, and the classic BOB & TOM banter. With Tom Griswold out on a family ski trip (“he enjoys complaining more than vacationing”), the crew—Chick McGee, Jess Hooker, Josh Arnold, Pat Godwin, Willie Griswold, Ace Cosby, Jeff Oskay, and guest appearances by Donnie Baker—fill the airwaves with personal confessions, allergy issues, horror movie deep-dives, audience email hilarity, and loaded conversations about love, family, toilets, and even the infamous “poop knife.”

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Donnie Baker’s DIY Valentine's (00:21–04:02)

Valentine’s Hacks: Donnie riffs on “the pressure” and absurdity of Valentine’s Day, offering advice for broke men: repurpose Halloween candy, decorate with red ribbon, and even “Dumpster-dive” flowers from funeral homes.
Memorable Advice: “These dead people aren’t passing away. They’re just passing on the savings to you. That’s why they call it the circle of life.” —Donnie Baker (02:10)
Notable Moment: Donnie’s story about a ground chuck wrapped in red ribbon, and the legendary “police tape” prank.

2. Jess Hooker’s Swollen Eye & Allergies (04:27–07:45; 31:37–33:32)

On-air Health Scare: Jess comes in with a swollen, red eye (cat allergy), sparking jokes and gross-out stories.
Remedies & Banter: Eye drops, nasal wash, “mist of the gist” wordplay, and her history of allergies to both cats and dogs.
Sympathy & Roasting: “She went a couple rounds with Tyson or something.” —Chick McGee (05:11)

3. The Absent Tom Griswold Saga (06:28–13:00; 13:53ff)

Tom’s Ski Trip Habits: The cast dissects Tom’s inability to “enjoy vacation,” preferring to complain about lack of snow and crowds.
Family Dynamics: Willie Griswold admits, “My dad loves complaining. He can’t be happy unless he’s fixing something or irritated.” (08:36)
Lunch Invite Hierarchy: The group analyzes who’s “in the rotation” for lunch invites with Tom, with running jokes about being “off the list” and Tom’s exclusive habits.

4. Listener Mailbag: Sleep Habits, Snoring, & Huckleberries (16:23–29:33)

Snoring Standoffs: Jess’s snoring (recorded by her family) is played on-air, compared to Pat Godwin’s, leading to allergy speculation and CPAP humor.
Tech Solutions: Apps and Apple Watches for sleep tracking—Willie gives up due to “bad sleep scores.”
Huckleberry Detours: Listeners from Idaho write in about huckleberry picking and moose encounters, with the hosts riffing on what animal voices they’d want to hear.

5. Comedy & Valentine’s Day Extras

Valentine’s Audience Letter: Jess shares an audience email inviting her for “a late-life lesbian experience” over coffee. (“P.S. Jess Hooker, I’m divorced with three kids, 45 years old. Let me know when you’re ready…” —Audience Letter, 19:15)

Ace Cosby Joke: Quick one-liners are peppered throughout, including references to allergies and country music (18:19).
Mashups: Tom’s famous “Sasquatch yawn” and Jess’s recorded snoring are mashed together (75:09), drawing laughs and Jurassic Park comparisons.

6. Friday the 13th Horror Movie Deep Dive (42:01–53:04)

Josh’s Expertise: Josh Arnold runs down the entire “Friday the 13th” franchise with encyclopedic detail, explaining each film’s premise, preferred entries, and trivia.
Quiz Time: “In the original, Jason Voorhees doesn’t do the killing—who does?”—Josh. “His mom!”—Jeff Oskay (44:46)
Family Trauma: Jess and Willie share stories of being forced to watch horror films as young kids, leading to adult fears.

7. Beavers, Llamas, and Unlikely Animal Friendships (57:25–104:31)

Wildlife News: Reintroduction of beavers in the UK after 400 years; llamas detain a thief in England by surrounding him (“herd justice”).
Toilet Tales: The “Glacier Bay Power Flush” is discussed—“can flush seven billiard balls!”—leading to an epic, revealing roundtable about male bathroom habits, elongated bowls, and Jess’s misconception about what men do with their “junk.”
Poop Knife Phenomenon: The viral “poop knife” story is unpacked—some families keep a special knife by the toilet. (“That was the gross part—my father just used a knife and then put it in the dishwasher.” —Jeff Oskay, 80:54)

8. Strip Clubs, First Kisses, & Coming of Age (94:45–147:14)

Strip Club Confessions: Josh shares a legendary, explicit adventure involving adult film star Shyla Stylez (“She said, ‘You’re not leaving here until you [finish].’” —91:59), while others recall bachelorette parties, “lingerie lunches,” and the classic radio promo scene.
First Kiss Roundtable:
- Chick: First kiss with his cousin at grandma’s house (“It was just like our GI Joe and Barbie.” —122:02)
- Josh: Theater camp and a graduation party make-out
- Willie: School trip to Michigan; immediately caught and interrogated, but praised by Tom: “This guy kissed a girl? Come on, I was getting worried about him!” (143:55)

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

Donnie Baker: “These dead people aren’t passing away. They’re just passing on the savings to you. That’s why they call it the circle of life.” (02:10)
Jess Hooker (on allergies): “I talk nice to [my cat], but I go, ‘I hate you. I hate you so much.’” (05:38)
Willie Griswold: “You’ve never seen anyone not enjoy a vacation like my Dad.” (08:02)
Chick McGee (on Tom’s advice): “If you need lies, go to him. It’s diabolical to watch.” (09:28)
Audience Email: “P.S. Jess Hooker, I’m divorced with three kids…When you’re ready for your late-life lesbian experience, let me know. We’ll get coffee.” (19:15)
Pat Godwin (on snoring): “You know what I’m allergic to? Country music.” (18:19)
Josh Arnold (horror movie advice): “I’m gonna have you start with Part 6, because there’s some comedy in it.” (51:09)
Poop Knife Reveal: “At our house growing up, my father just used a knife and then put it in the dishwasher. To this day, I never know if I’m using the poop knife.” —Jeff Oskay (80:54)
Female confusion: “I thought you guys just grabbed your sack and rested it on the seat.” —Jess Hooker, 78:18
First Kiss Confessions:
- Chick: “It was my mom’s sister’s daughter. We started making out. Like, the plane was going down, man.” (121:20)
- Willie: “We kissed and it was beautiful…and then my old math teacher told my Dad: ‘This guy kissed a girl? Come on, I was getting worried about him!’…They high-fived.” (143:55)
- Josh: “During the movie Arachnophobia, we shared a piece of gum.” (140:44)
On Equine Therapy: “You talk to your horse instead of a doctor?” —Chick McGee (157:26)

Audience Favorites & Running Gags

Jess’s noisy snoring (“like a door to a crypt being opened”)
Tom Griswold’s loud yawning
Friday the 13th and Fast & Furious deep dives
“Poop knife” and toilet talk (the Glacier Bay’s legendary flush power)
Family stories: being taken to bars as kids, allergy mishaps, and cousin crushes
Listener letters: creative, thirsty, and off-kilter
Impressions: Chick’s Droopy Dog/Jimmy Stewart/Larry Flynt, Pat’s Donald Duck sneeze, Jess’s April Macy

Timestamps for Key Segments

Donnie Baker Valentine’s Rant: 00:21–04:02
Jess’s Cat Allergy & Swollen Eye: 04:27–07:45; 31:37–33:32
Tom’s Family and Lunch Rotation Stories: 06:28–13:00
Sleep, Snoring, and Huckleberry Tangents: 16:23–29:33; 31:37–33:32
Friday the 13th / Horror Movies: 42:01–53:04
Beaver & Toilet Stories: 57:25–81:41
Strip Club Adventures: 94:45–97:51
First Kisses: 120:21–142:43
Llamas Detain Thief: 103:09–104:31
Poop Knife Discussion: 80:41–81:33

Conclusion

Tone: The show thrives on sharp wit, self-mockery, and candid story-sharing. The hosts are quick to roast both themselves and each other (“Where would we be if he wasn’t so weird, right?” —Chick), turn news into running gags, and are unafraid of gross-out or TMI humor.

For New Listeners: This episode is classic BOB & TOM—a freewheeling, sometimes raunchy blend of observational comedy, honest confessions, absurd audience participation, and good-natured, often self-deprecating chat. If you enjoy talk radio with deep comedic chemistry and occasional heartfelt moments, this episode is a strong sample, especially around holidays!