The BOB & TOM Show - February 17, 2026

Summary

The BOB & TOM Show – February 17, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The BOB & TOM Show features the full cast back together after Tom's ski trip, with plenty of comedic banter, news discussion, audience mailbag, Olympic updates, and a montage of entertaining asides about food, travel mishaps, animal stories, and more. The trademark irreverence of the crew is center stage as they riff on topics ranging from "Penisgate" at the Olympics, “hot beef injections,” and the world's oddest world records, to listener letters and the realities of aging. They maintain their usual brand of comedy, friendly insults, and playful anecdotes, with a strong focus on current events in sports and pop culture.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Opening Comedy Song: "They Had to Taser Her Again"

[00:27 – 03:15]

• The episode opens with Haywood Banks’ comedic song about overheard gossip involving a woman who had to be tased—twice.
• The cast riffs on the humor and absurdity of the scenario.
• Memorable Moment:
  • “Didn’t get the hint because then they had to taser her again…” – Haywood Banks [03:05]
  • “She soiled her thong, ladies and gentlemen.” – Christy Lee [03:20]

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2. Tom’s Ski Vacation & TSA Talk

[03:44 – 06:29]

• Tom details a family ski trip: staying in a fourth-floor walk-up, struggling in ski boots, discovering a spiral staircase and a foosball room for the kids.
• He gives a shout-out to TSA agents for being friendly and helpful despite working unpaid during a government shutdown.
• Tom’s take: if Congress doesn’t pay federal employees, they should pay them out of their own salaries.

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3. Animal Hijinks: Cows, Horses, and Sandwiches

[06:37 – 10:09]

• Discussion of a viral video: a cow and a horse wandering into an Australian house, with help from clever dogs opening sliding glass doors.
• Tom shares his incredulity about cows (e.g., "Do cows have teeth?") and audience delight in animals starring in viral cooking videos.
• Riffs about cross-breeding different animals and absurd "cooking shows" involving livestock.

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4. Olympic Controversies: "Penisgate" & Suit Fitting

[10:09 – 11:44, 58:24 – 60:52]

• Tom explicates “Penisgate”: male ski jumpers seeking groin injections to increase suit size, allegedly giving them a wind-aided advantage.
  • “A doctor admitting to doing injections, per instruction...” – Tom Griswold [11:32]
  • “Taking a needle to the ween for your country.” – Josh Arnold [60:14]
• The cast jokes about the Watergate-inspired “-gate” scandal naming convention.

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5. Olympic Updates & Coverage

[11:46 – 12:46, 54:18 – 67:08]

• Extensive chatter about Winter Olympic events: women’s hockey finals (USA vs. Canada), ski jumping, bobsled, skeleton, and curling.
• Tom marvels at modern TV coverage, especially drones following bobsled runs.
• Frustration with accommodations and TV tech: “The guide only shows five channels and there are a thousand…” [12:31]
• Musings on the popularity of Summer vs. Winter Olympics and generational interest in the Games.

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6. Local Commercials: TV Law Firms & Show Ideas

[16:49 – 19:38]

• Tom proposes a game-show-style reality series: “Battle of the Plaintiff’s Attorneys.”
• The team reminisces about the rise and fall of car dealership ads and local TV stars.
• Chick McGee’s assessment: “Still not as good as Monkey Butler, sorry.” [18:47]

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7. Mailbag: Shoe Shines, Airport & Coffee Letter Riffs

[20:27 – 23:31]

• Tom’s travel tangents: missing his cherished airport shoe-shine, Denver airport woes, and long travel lines for Starbucks.
• Audience letters touch on all manner of show in-jokes and the cast’s idiosyncratic habits.

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8. Tom’s Dog Poop Kit: Life-Hack Re-explained

[24:39 – 26:29]

• Tom reiterates his patented kit for cleaning up pet messes: gloves, halved paper plates, and baggies.
  • “Should maybe go on Shark Tank with this.” – Tom [25:58]
• Sparked both kudos (“...it really worked!” – listener letter [26:54]) and mockery from the crew.

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9. Comedic Audience Letters & Animal Factoids

[26:54 – 29:39]

• Mail about animal trivia (porcupines = “porcupettes”), and running gags about “hot beef injection” and other lowbrow double entendres.
• The cast riffs on the mysterious origins of bathroom graffiti, playfully debating the authorship of classic risque rhymes:
  • “Who wrote ‘Beans, beans, the musical fruit?’” – Tom [30:36]

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10. Outdoor Urination & Ski Stories

[35:32 – 39:42]

• Tom and Josh commiserate about the complicated logistics of peeing while skiing in winter gear.
• “There’s almost nothing worse than having to do a deuce wearing ski stuff, particularly outside.” – Tom [36:46]
• Matchless male pride in writing one’s name in the snow.

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11. Olympic Curling: Cheating Scandal

[41:29 – 42:03, 78:00 – 79:52]

• Canadian and British teams accused of “double-touching the stone”—bending the rules in curling.
• Memorable quote: “Kennedy responded with, oh, really? Well, f*** you!” [78:23]

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12. Audience Hygiene at the Rink

[89:07 – 91:14]

• The Oshawa Generals Hockey team requests fans practice better hygiene after complaints of body odor.
• Josh recounts tales of infamous hockey locker-room stench.

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13. World Records: Mass Ice Cream Licking

[100:27 – 103:52, 114:39 – 116:29]

• India breaks the record for the longest chain of people licking ice cream (4,008 kids), which the team mocks for both its sanitary implications and record-keeping standards.

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14. News of Notables: Deaths of Robert Duvall & Jesse Jackson

[46:00 – 51:13]

• The cast pays tribute to Robert Duvall (95) and Jesse Jackson (84), mixing personal anecdotes with impressions and past interview memories.
• Daryl Hammond’s Jesse Jackson impression is replayed as an homage.

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15. Musical Comedy: New Song Premieres

[54:18 – 55:46, 119:15 – 119:33, etc.]

• Pat Godwin plays “My Swollen-Eyed Girl,” inspired by Jess Hooker’s on-air allergic reaction.
• The cast sings and riffs on various classic and parody songs throughout, including Beatles and Little River Band quarrels.

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16. Hot Topics & Nonsense: Horse Semen Beer

[145:03 – 147:03, 153:43 – 155:14]

• The team skewers the news that a New Zealand bar once offered beer brewed with horse semen, which was discontinued due to lack of popularity.
• “Was it a beer or a cream ale?” – Tom [146:04]
• Raucous disgust, jokes about “Mr. Ed,” and why some novelty ideas should remain novelties.

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17. Language & New Words

[156:35 – 159:23]

• Cambridge Dictionary adds “treatonomics,” “ex-influencer,” and “shoppertainment.”
• The crew collectively groans at trend-chasing linguistics.

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18. Relationship & Sex Euphemism Riffs

[126:32 – 128:30]

• Playful exchanges about “hot beef injection,” oddball sex codes, and code words for sneaking out of parties.
• Chick’s line: “The sex truck’s pulling up.” [127:52]

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19. Tech, Parenting, & Life-Hacks

[160:09 – 160:52]

• Discussion of baby sign language, verb comprehension, and parenting moments around the house.

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20. Closing Banter & Product Plugs

[161:06 – End]

• Standard BOB & TOM taglines, Simplisafe and Aura product blurbs, and show outro in classic fashion.

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Notable Quotes, Jokes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Haywood Banks’ chorus:
  “Didn’t get the hint because then they had to taser her again.” [03:05, various]
• Tom on TSA:
  “I practically walk through nude... But both directions, I had a technical issue with my ticket, and in both cases, just a tremendous help.” [05:49]
• On “Penisgate”:
  “A doctor admitting to doing the injections, per instructions from a ski flyer... and it helps.” – Tom [11:32]
  “Taking a needle to the ween for your country.” – Josh [60:14]
• Curling scandal:
  “Kenney responded with, ‘Oh really? Well, fuck you!’” – Chick McGee [78:23]
• World Record Ridicule:
  “Do they have to spell anything when they hand it to them? What? It’s India. Every spelling bee, they win. I don’t know what’s going on over there.” – Tom [102:12]
• Horse Semen Beer:
  “Was it a beer or a cream ale?” – Tom [146:04]
• New language groans:
  “Shoppertainment—this is terrible. You just want to punch somebody.” – Tom [158:13]
• Closing running gag:
  “Do you ever say ‘giddy up’ to anybody?” – Tom [156:11]

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Key Timestamps

• 03:15: End of Haywood Banks’ musical segment
• 06:29: Conclusion of ski trip & TSA stories
• 10:09: Introduction of “Penisgate” Olympic controversy
• 12:46, 54:18, 63:38: Olympics coverage
• 24:39: Tom’s dog poop kit explanation
• 41:29, 78:00: Curling cheating discussion
• 46:00, 51:13: Tributes to Robert Duvall, Jesse Jackson
• 54:18, 119:15: Musical interludes
• 89:07: Hockey fan hygiene
• 100:27, 114:39: World record ice cream licking
• 145:03, 153:43: Horse semen beer story and ribbing
• 156:35: Introduction of new words to the Cambridge Dictionary
• 161:06-end: Parenting, playful banter & show sign-offs

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Flow & Tone

• The episode is driven by rapid-fire, joke-heavy conversational riffs, alternating between topical news and absurdity.
• The language is casual, often irreverent, and laden with double entendres, pop culture references, and callbacks to prior bits.
• Audience mail, listener letters, and deprecating personal stories add to the loose, communal, and improvisational atmosphere that defines the show.

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For New Listeners

• You’ll get an authentic taste of BOB & TOM Show’s blend of comedy and banter, with digressions from current events, sports, and everyday life into running jokes that have become their signature.
• If you’re tuning in for specific news or interviews, be ready—delivering them is always secondary to the humor and camaraderie of the cast.

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For Returning Fans

• This episode marks Tom’s return from vacation and features all the main cast.
• In-jokes about world records, bathroom humor, mashed-up classic rock, and audience hygiene are in peak form.
• Listeners' letters and callbacks to classic show material (Haywood Banks songs; “hot beef injection” jokes) abound.
• The team’s playful antagonism, mock outrage over British/Australian sports, invented reality show pitches, and the ever-present product pitches anchor the familiar formula.

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Note:
Segments containing long advertisements and straight promo reads are omitted in this summary to focus on the show's substantive comedic content.

Transcript

[A]

It's the bob and tom show.

[B]

You might hear bits of conversation as you pass through public places. Some loud talker on a cell phone. At the next table, there's a tiff most washed by and not remembered. But one night just last December, I passed two women who were talking by the front door of my hot. The moment that I heard their words, I stopped and thanked them by the curb. I said it was the finest one line eavesdrop that I had ever known. Scribbling on my hotel bed. I recorded what they said with a hotel pen. I wrote. Then they had to taser her again.

[C]

Again.

[B]

They had to taser her. First time wasn't phasing her. Whatever she did, she did it twice. Who was that gal? Why weren't she nice? She still advanced a comin strong so they cranked the volts. She soiled her thong. Didn't get the hint because then they had to taser her again. There are questions that are classic. Like a diamond with its facets. You can look from every angle and never guess the truth. Were there warrants unresolved? How much alcohol was involved? How long had she been on the phone?

[A]

Tech support.

[C]

Oh, again.

[B]

They had to taser her first time wasn't phasing her. Whatever she did, she did it twice. Who was that gal? Why weren't she nice? She still advanced a coming strong so they cranked the volts. She soiled her thong. Didn't get the hint because then they had to taser her again.

[C]

Again.

[B]

Didn't get the hint because then they had to taser her again.

[D]

All right.

[A]

Hello.

[C]

She soiled her thong, ladies and gentlemen.

[A]

Hello, ladies and. Ladies and gentlemen.

[C]

Not a lot of room there. Really?

[E]

Nope. Yeah, not a lot of room.

[A]

From the O'Reilly man. I just wonder if she soiled it in the fire.

[C]

Just wanted to give Haywood some credit there. She soiled her thong. Oh, sorry.

[A]

The Bob and Top Show. Hello, Christy.

[E]

Hi, Chick.

[A]

There's Pat Godwin.

[D]

Hello.

[A]

There's Josh Arnold. Hi. Ace Cosby. I'm Chick mcgee. There he is. Tom. Hello, Tom. Fresh from skiing with the fam.

[C]

It was great.

[A]

Nice.

[D]

Oh, good.

[A]

Very good.

[C]

And good trip. Good trip. All in all. Glad to be.

[A]

No tennis balls in the. In the pillows in the hotel or anything like that? No. You always have the most interesting adventures on. On vacations.

[C]

It was a. We second to none. Rented a condo.

[A]

All right.

[C]

And I didn't know it was a fourth floor walk up. Now, walking up four floors is not a big deal.

[A]

Wearing.

[C]

Wearing ski boots. It's a little tricky, but it was. It was great.

[A]

I would have tried it just for fun, to keep the skis on. Go upstairs, huh?

[D]

Right.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Give the folks a nice sight gag.

[A]

That's right.

[E]

Well, your quads would get a workout.

[C]

What was cool, though, we walked in this place for the first time. You know, I've got a couple of my little girls with me. And there was a spiral staircase there.

[A]

Oh, my.

[C]

Because we'd never seen the place. And then. So you go up the spiral staircase, and there was this really cool game room with a foosball thing. And. And then there was another stairway up.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[C]

And there were. And there were two little beds and a bathroom way up top. So when you're a kid, that's, like, the world's coolest thing.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I was too tired to go up and look at it for the first two days. Finally. All right, I'm going up. It was really cool.

[D]

Nice.

[C]

I want to say, special thanks to the tsa. I know that right now a lot of the TSA people aren't getting paid.

[D]

Right.

[C]

Due to the inefficiency. I can't understand how this works, by the way. I'd like to see that. Whenever the government shuts down, all the congressmen and senators have to pay everybody out of their own salaries. That's what I'd like to see. They shouldn't. They shouldn't get paid at all.

[D]

They might figure things out a little quicker.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or something. It's.

[A]

So.

[C]

But anyway, yeah, I had two interesting things with tsa. In both cases, incredibly nice. Great. No kidding.

[A]

Well, you were due.

[E]

I mean, did you quit using the powder so you don't get patted down?

[C]

No, I've just learned my lesson. I. But I take everything off. I practically walk through nude. Take off my shoes, watch my belt. But both directions, I had a technical issue with my ticket, and in both cases, just a tremendous help.

[A]

But you always have a paper ticket now, right?

[C]

Well, I got one yesterday. They had to give me one yesterday because there was an error. Not on my. Not my fault, but it was great. They're just super nice. But it's just so annoying that knowing these people are working and they're not getting paid for some technical reason. Ridiculous. I mean, when we're paying our taxes, I don't know why they're not getting paid. But hats off to the kind folks that were so helpful. Now, what did I miss?

[A]

Not a lot. We just hung around and. Well, we talked about you some, actually. And we. We.

[D]

We had A story.

[A]

Did our best Tom impression.

[D]

We had a story yesterday that we said, we have to bring this up when. Tom.

[A]

Is it the cow making a peanut butter jelly sandwich?

[D]

No.

[C]

Oh, that was a good one, though.

[A]

That was my favorite story.

[D]

That wasn't a story so much as a video that you had seen, right?

[E]

Oh, that one.

[A]

Yeah. I don't remember.

[D]

Yes, we had a story about a horse and a cow getting into a house. And then you told us about that. Great video.

[A]

Yeah, the cow.

[D]

It was something about they're doing something somewhere. And we went, oh, my God, this is gonna piss Tom. Because it was. It was making us angry. Yeah. Was that enough to go by?

[E]

I know, I know.

[C]

I don't know what it was. Happy to weigh in.

[A]

Well, this cow comes in and looks around the house. So it comes in through a sliding glass.

[C]

Do you have.

[E]

In Australia. I have that story.

[A]

And then. And then, damn if a horse doesn't follow him right in. So you got a horse and a cow.

[D]

Both the dogs let them in.

[E]

The dogs let the dogs. The dogs. They sneak out. The dogs open the sliding glass door, and then the steer in the horse wander into this guy's living room. There you go.

[A]

There's the dog.

[E]

There are the dogs. They get out.

[C]

Oh, there's the cow. And the cow manages to get the slider to open up a little further.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

So I can fit in.

[C]

That is a big white cow.

[E]

Yeah. This is in Australia.

[A]

I think that's an English cream cow. It is.

[C]

I have a dog that color. Now the horse is coming in.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Very.

[E]

He doesn't want to be left out.

[A]

No, no.

[C]

And they're sniffing around.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

I want to check it out.

[D]

The dogs have been talking about being in their old.

[C]

Oh, my God. That horse actually gets into the house.

[E]

The horse's name is Cricket Tom.

[A]

And it must be a girl horse, because there's no dong.

[C]

Well, that must be a boy cow.

[E]

Because his name is sue, though. The steer is named Sue.

[C]

Maybe it's the boy named sue thing.

[E]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

And where did this happen?

[E]

This is in the Northern Territories of Australia.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Well, very nice.

[A]

Both cows and horses, by the way. Venomous. In Australia ever.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know if you knew that.

[E]

Or not, but then chick out a story about a guy who makes sandwiches and the cow comes in.

[A]

Oh, yeah. This guy has two pet cows. And his angle on social media and it's working for him. Millions and millions and millions of hits. He tries to. He has a cooking show, and then he Lets the cows in to quote, help him. Close quote. And here he is.

[E]

Here you go.

[A]

He's making a peanut butter jelly sandwich. Everything seems fine, but. Oh, oh, the cow's loose in the kitchen.

[E]

Oh, I want some of that.

[A]

And, and that's. This is kind of every video he does, only it's a different dish he's.

[C]

Preparing and the cow is lapping it up. That's a beautiful cow, too.

[A]

Isn't that a good looking cow?

[C]

Is that healthy for a cow to eat? Peanut butter and jelly.

[E]

I can't believe it's bad for him.

[A]

Look at the length of that tongue.

[E]

No, I said that yesterday. I was amazed.

[C]

That's how I just ate a banana.

[A]

He eats.

[E]

No, he eats the banana peel.

[G]

What do you see?

[C]

Oh, yeah, a little bit.

[E]

Oh, yeah, he doesn't want the banana.

[D]

He's loved with the guy's wife.

[C]

I have a question, and this is as ignorant as I am about it. Does that. Do cows have teeth?

[D]

Yes.

[C]

He looks like he's kind of gum and everything.

[D]

No, they. They have teeth. Yeah.

[A]

Aren't cows and horses in the same family?

[E]

Bovine family.

[C]

What is that?

[D]

You just. You just answered your question.

[A]

No, they equine. Bovine. They can mate, can't they?

[C]

They're in the eye. But who can't?

[A]

But just, just for fun.

[E]

Equipment.

[C]

I mean, I've seen some human beings out there wondering if anyone can mate with them. And they did. They can. And you sit down.

[A]

Quite surprisingly, going to mate with them is what he thinks.

[C]

Hey, there's someone for everyone. All right.

[A]

That's the, that's the rumor.

[C]

Okay. Well, coming up, we have some exciting news from the Olympics, including a term that those of a certain age aren't going to understand that has become a regular feature of the English language. In this case, it's penis gate. Now it's referencing, of course, the controversy at the Olympics involving the enlargement of the male member. Allegedly. This is apparently being done to the ski flyers. Ski jumpers.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So they could. We had the story a couple months ago.

[A]

Evidently that helps them fly. I guess.

[C]

Apparently what happened when they, they. They have to get fitted for special uniforms. And if their groin takes up extra space when they have the fitting, apparently it, it's like, it acts like a wing. The, the extra fabric. Am I making sense here?

[A]

Yeah, that's. That sounds about right.

[C]

But they're calling it penis gate because of years ago. Watergate.

[A]

Watergate. Watergate Hotel, which.

[C]

The Watergate was just a office condominium, whatever hotel complex in Washington, D.C. where the famous Democratic break in. Democratic Democratic headquarters break in took place. But now you add a gate to anything, and it can become. It's become a thing. Right. But anyway, we have an update on the latest from Penisgate, including a doctor admitting to doing the injections, admitting to.

[A]

Doing this, per instructions from a ski flyer. And it helps. Wow, I didn't know that.

[D]

And.

[C]

Well. And the ski flyer had a special reason he wanted it done, which is probably untrue, but it's rather interesting.

[A]

Have you seen the drone follow the. The luge and the skeleton down the hill?

[C]

Man, oh, man, the coverage is amazing. And I guess the ratings are great.

[A]

Yeah, better than ever, I guess.

[C]

So I think what is the big thing today is females. Hockey, right?

[A]

Nope. Coming up Thursday will be the final of 1 1, 1 in the afternoon, our time. Canada and United States for the gold.

[D]

Also, Canada did win.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Two to one.

[D]

Oh, that'll be a good game.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. But, yeah, it's really been exciting. It was hard for me to watch stuff because whenever you stay at hotel or whatever, and they've got a tv, this particular TV that they had, the guide only shows five channels, and there are a thousand.

[E]

Did you scroll down the guide?

[C]

You can only look at five at a time, which is like having a map that only shows two stories. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Yeah. The guide is I. So I would struggle trying to find anything. Okay. Scroll, scroll, scroll.

[A]

So it was nothing different for you, as opposed to the same thing as being at home.

[D]

They wanted you to feel at home.

[C]

No, I felt I couldn't. It was ridiculous. But. And I also have. I have an idea for a TV show. Oh, I'm not kidding. It's a pretty good idea I think you're gonna like. When we come back, I'm gonna just remind me.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I'm gonna tell you.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

It involves something everyone knows that has ever been to any other city in the world and watched television.

[D]

All right.

[C]

Okay. I'll do it in quiz form. Right now, let's talk about Christy in her car. And we all know Christie's a car girl. She even has that toy little car, that little tiny one she has. But then she has her real car, the real one that she gets around town in the Hyundai.

[A]

That's right.

[E]

And I did a lot of research before I bought my Hyundai, and now I'm two years in. And I couldn't be happier. While you were gone, I told them that the dealer called me and said, hey, we would love to buy your car. Back because it's in such high demand. I go, you ain't getting my car.

[C]

It's so funny that happened to that same thing happened to a friend of mine.

[E]

Really? Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. And she had a new baby. So she said, well, wait a minute. How much do you want the car back? This is true. And she sold it back to because they gave her a really good deal on a smaller one because she only has the one kid. But you might want to hang on to the Hyundai because it's wonderful.

[E]

I have the hybrid and you get amazing gas mileage. And this new Palisade Tom gets a.

[C]

Huge range, 619 miles. EPA estimated range, they call it because people get worried about that. That's one of the things that they're going through. Well, I don't know if I can have one of those because I can only drive it from here to the.

[E]

Well, you don't have to plug this one in either. Which is the other thing.

[A]

Are you doing Mrs. Joe Six back there. That voice. Yeah, that's nice. I can't drive away. I'll never make it.

[C]

I like their motto. Hyundai. It's no cleats in the seats. And this is for anybody who's ever had a car that has that way back seat, we used to call it because to get to the way back, you got to climb across the back seat and then you get the mud all over the back seat. You know what I'm talking about? So by putting the, what do they call them? The captain's chair. Yeah, that's a great idea. That way you can pass through right to the back. And the, the car that I took on my vacation didn't have that. It's a long story. No cleats in the seat. The Hyundai.

[A]

See, there's a great adventure. We got to hear about that.

[C]

Yeah. Visit. Visit Hyundai USA.com or call 562-314-4603 for more details. Hyundai USA.com Coming up, my suggestion for a possible TV show. Patty G. You got a song I missed?

[A]

Oh, a couple.

[C]

Oh, good. Well, all. Yeah. Play them for me when we get back. We've got your letters on the way. From the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios, this is the Bob and Tom Show.

[E]

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[C]

Shop up to 50% off site wide plus a free professional measure during the President's Day mega sale happening right [e-mail] terms apply.

[A]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios at the News Center. It's Christy Lee.

[E]

Hi, Chick.

[A]

Hey, there's Pat Godwin.

[G]

Hey, Chick.

[A]

Hey, there's Josh Arnold.

[E]

Hello.

[A]

Hey, man. There's Ace Cosby. I am Chick McGee. And he has returned. There's Tom, fresh off a mini vacation. Mini vacay as they ski trip. That's right.

[C]

Like to talk to God for a second. We want the snow over here, not over there, if you know what I'm saying.

[E]

Didn't get any snow again.

[C]

Oh, there was, there's a little bit specifics, right? Yeah. And then a friend of mine is going to San Francisco today and apparently there's some very heavy snow over there. And I guess they had several feet in Lake Tahoe, but Colorado, Utah, etc.

[D]

Etc.

[A]

What is it? The coldest summer of my life was in San Francisco.

[C]

But the weather's been weird this, this winter. But the Winter Olympics continue. Yes, sir, I'm a big fan. But I, I have a proposal for a TV show.

[A]

Is it is a rom com, a murder mystery.

[C]

I know.

[A]

It's who done it procedural.

[C]

When you, when you go to a different, as they put it, a television market.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Every city you go to, they've got, you know, wherever they're, if you go to Detroit, they've got their local stations.

[A]

We are on your side.

[C]

They say everyone. But I've noticed this lately. Everywhere I go, most of the local commercials, I'll word it this way, are for what? Are for what?

[E]

Attorneys.

[C]

Yes, that's the correct answer.

[A]

Yeah, attorneys.

[C]

Almost every commercial in any city you go to. And what's funny is in some cities you go and wait a minute, I'm in a different state. And it's the same guy. It's the same guy. He may or may not be holding a truck up, if you know who I'm talking.

[E]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

I know what I said about your state, but I mean it over here.

[C]

Yeah. I think we need to have a TV show, the Battle of the Plaintiff's Attorneys because it's amazing. I mean, you're in the Denver area for three days and you see three or four lawyers constantly on television. It's an art form. Those commercials. I just think it would Be interesting to get them all together. I'm not sure how the game show would work, but.

[A]

Oh, it'd be a game show.

[C]

Yeah. Kind of like the battle. The battle of the ninja warrior. Battle of the regional plaintiffs, attorneys.

[A]

Maybe an obstacle course, maybe feats of strength.

[D]

I think they would try a case.

[A]

Oh, well, yeah, yeah. And have a jury judge.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Who wins the most cases every year.

[C]

Have them defend the people on that Judge Judy show. Give those guys. Give those people lawyers.

[A]

That's a good idea.

[C]

It really is funny, though.

[A]

It's still not as good as Monkey Butler. I'm sorry.

[G]

That is good.

[A]

Monkey Butler.

[C]

That's a good TV show idea.

[A]

Yeah. The top of the. Top of the heat.

[C]

You know, back in the day, every particular television market, I think the local commercial TV stars were car dealers.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

My favorite. My favorite commercial in this area was the one where they had the car sale that you could. They had the sales guys from the car dealership take a break from their smoke break to stand out. And they were singing, acting as if they were singing the chorus. I love that one. That one seems to have gone away. But there were local. Who was the one Carson always talked about?

[A]

Cal Worthing.

[C]

Yeah, Cal Worthington. Every city had that guy.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Or a lady in some cases.

[A]

And a gimmick like a pink elephant or a live elephant or.

[C]

Yeah, that's gone away to a degree. But. But, but the lawyer commercials. My God.

[A]

I'll crawl on my belly like a reptile. Or get you in this car.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right.

[C]

What's it gonna take to get you in this car? I'll give it to me free. How about that? Well, let's check in with some letters.

[A]

Yes. Emails from our listeners brought to you by sleep number. Oh, mamma mia. That's sleep number bad man. I crawled in there last night so soft.

[C]

I was glad to have my son. Sleep number Bed last night in my shower.

[D]

In your shower?

[C]

Oh, yeah. I don't have the bed in the shower. That's fair. I didn't word that. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

[D]

I got home plastic sheets.

[A]

Save on personalized comfort during sleep numbers President's Day sale. Their best deals are on now for limited time only. Sleep number or sleep number dot com.

[C]

Thank you very much. What do you got over there?

[A]

Dear Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back. Tom, missed you over the long weekend. One question. This was kind of ruined, but we're going to go forward. How was your shoe shine? Tom didn't have time did not have to.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

You always make time for a shoe shine at an airport.

[C]

The airport that I left from has two wings and the shoeshine is in the other one. Oh, I flew a different airline this time.

[D]

Gotcha.

[A]

Well, I'm glad the airport had two wings, huh?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, the one wing airports tend to be grounded. Yeah. I flew the friendly skies of United. Had a great flight. Oh, no kidding. Yeah. I did not have time to get my shoe shine and because, as you know, I was trying. I was traveling with Kelly and she and I have different philosophy of traveling.

[E]

Right.

[C]

I like to be there. I'm hours early.

[A]

I'm right with you. I like to. I like to see my gate and be able to relax for a second and know that, okay, there it is. I'm not going to miss it.

[D]

Not a bad way to travel.

[A]

I'm going to that. Yeah, I'm fine.

[C]

I do have a tip if you're in the Denver airport is one of the biggest airports in the world. And the TSA area there looks like one of those pictures of Ellis Island. You know, you've got a thousand people trying to get through. I have a suggestion. If you're the Denver airport, you might want to put another Starbucks in. It was about a 40 minute wait, so I went to some alternate place. Yeah, that was wonderful.

[E]

Oh, good.

[C]

Caribou. It was Ethiopian coffee.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[C]

It was great. And there was no one there.

[D]

They don't serve food.

[A]

Hang on a second.

[C]

What?

[A]

What Josh said was the Ethiopian coffee place doesn't serve food. That's right. Hello. You missed us, didn't you, Tom? Be honest. You missed us.

[C]

They did not. But yeah, there. It's ridiculous.

[E]

I was at the Atlanta airport and the Starbucks was right across from our gate.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

And the lady that worked in the Starbucks was screaming the whole time for people to not wait in the. Because, you know, it gets backed up. You're waiting for your coffee. And they were. They. I mean, it was packed. Fortunately, we were able to escape that. And when I came back to get on the plane, I said, that woman is still screaming. And the lady next to me goes, she hasn't stopped. It was unbelievable.

[C]

You know, there were a hundred people in line.

[E]

Yeah. Do not stand there. Do not. I mean, she was just.

[C]

I think that. I know they were having some corporate problems there. I think maybe the chief needs to go stand. Stand at the airport. I think.

[A]

I think Starbucks might be. Might be pretty popular. Might be a success.

[E]

Yeah, I think so. I think you're right.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. And then. But the one thing that does trouble me, though, then there's a guy up there up front. Some just like, you know, in the commercial where the guy. Dr. Rick, the guy picks up the coffee. Is your name.

[D]

I love that.

[C]

That. That's real. That's happening there.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

He's trying to help. Yeah. In his mind, he's helping.

[C]

But is that safe, picking up somebody else? Yeah, picking it up.

[D]

And I'd rather that not happen.

[C]

Yeah. No, when I got on the train, I had a guy cough right in my face. That train at the Denver Airport, I got on.

[A]

Oh, I love the train at the Denver.

[C]

I do, too.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

When it stops, it plays those really cool jazz chords.

[A]

Love it.

[C]

It's a really nice. You'd like it, Pat. A really nice organ.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Really cool.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Now, I got a letter over here. Apparently it involved our first song. Our first Haywood Banks, the song I Had to Tase Her Again.

[E]

Oh, yes.

[C]

That has the line, she soiled her thong.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

I think that was based on an incident that he actually saw where they had to tase her. Some lady. I was walking into a gas station holding the door open for a lady who was on her phone. As she walked by, I heard her say to the person she was talking to, it's okay. We weren't meant to be friends. I immediately thought of her song. They had to tase her Again. Okay, that's a nice, nice note. We certainly appreciate that, Tim.

[E]

Thank you, Tim.

[C]

I pass it back over to you, Chick McGee.

[A]

Dear Bob Top Show. Well, Tom, I have to admit, I miss the ramblings of a madman.

[C]

Well, thank you.

[A]

This is love from Luke. So there you go.

[C]

He really.

[A]

He really missed you.

[C]

Now, I'm going to go over this one one more time. This is. This is my dog, Tip. Now, I had a dog.

[A]

I. I cannot endorse this more. I. I totally believe in this, and you're a genius for coming up with it.

[C]

I had a dog, one of my dogs, who's lived to be 17, no longer with us, and the last decade of his life, he had seizures all the time, and the medicine didn't work, blah, blah, blah. But the point of the story is he would have issues in the house a lot. So I had a kit that I prepared so whenever there was an issue, I could scoop it up quickly. And I'm gonna. Here's. I'm gonna walk you through the kit. It's. And it's very simple. You have. You have those surgical gloves on hand. The Kind of the disposable gloves. Okay. And you take paper plates, you cut them in half.

[E]

The sturdy paper.

[C]

Yeah. And then you have, like, say, you went to target, those little bags, little baggies, and a small wastebasket or a bucket right there. Handy. Walk over to the situation. You put the gloves on, you take the two halves of the paper plate, scoop it up, drop the plate, everything into the thing, take the gloves off, throw them in there, and then take your paper towels, etc, etc. You're done. It's that simple. But it's a. It's ready to go. So when I'd get up early in the morning, and there was an issue up, got it locally done. So there. But it's. It's my little. I should maybe have Go on shark Tank with this.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

You can sell it as a little kit.

[A]

You just need to come up with a cool name for it, like Bucket of poo or oops, here's your bucket, or.

[C]

Yeah. You got to be careful, though. I use those bags when I walk my dogs. You know the.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

And the company is called Give a s. That's the name of the company.

[E]

Okay. Well.

[A]

And they're. They're specifically made to pick up poo.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. It's giving.

[A]

Really.

[C]

Yeah. Huh. And they're great.

[E]

They're biodegradable.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Thank you.

[C]

But they last long enough so you can get home.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

They experiment with the ones that biodegrade in 30 seconds. Ooh, that's bad.

[A]

Dear Bob at Top Show. Hello, gang. You know how you.

[D]

Was there a letter about. Oh, kit.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

No, just saying. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Say, if we had to suffer through.

[D]

Hearing about it again, I want to.

[F]

At least know that it'll let us.

[C]

See some of us have dogs. Josh, I know that you don't because you're. You're a cat person because you're inherently evil. He goes. I grabbed a paper plate, cut it nav, scooped up the mess in a jiff. It really worked. Did a quick wipe with a Clorox wipe.

[A]

There's a.

[C]

There's a lot. Carla.

[A]

That's the letter. We were talking.

[C]

Carla wanted me to explain the procedure.

[E]

No.

[C]

Why?

[D]

She just said.

[G]

She already said it in the letter.

[C]

She appreciated it so much, she wants me to pass it along. Carla, thank you.

[D]

Keep it to yourself.

[C]

Well, we now. We now hand it over to Josh to entertain. Go ahead.

[D]

Yeah, that's fair. Chick, what letter do you have?

[A]

Dear Bob, a Top Show. You know how you guys are always talking about names for baby animals? I was Reading a back issue of Pennsylvania Game News, okay? And there was an article talking about porcupines. It said baby porcupines are called porcupettes. P O, R, C, U, P, E, T, T, E, S. Porcupettes.

[D]

Stop these letters.

[A]

I thought that was the cutest thing I ever heard. Porcupettes. I never miss your show.

[C]

Buy a diary.

[D]

Write about how cute it is in.

[G]

In the morning.

[A]

Keep up the laughs. I'll keep listening. That's good. Mark from Pittsburgh.

[C]

Mark, that does. That sounds like a.

[A]

A new thank you, Mark.

[C]

A new TV at Christmas time. Porcupets or at some game. You little fat, little fat little pigs.

[A]

Their Bob and Tom show, huh?

[C]

Oh, my God. When did this. When did. When did you get a defense on the letter segment?

[A]

Cows kill more people in the United States than bears, alligators, and sharks combined.

[D]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[A]

Yeah, there you go.

[D]

Way more cows. People working with them.

[C]

However, just telling you, we. We're winning this one. We kill more of them. I. I give you today's lunch.

[D]

The numbers are still quite unfair.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, we got pole pot numbers.

[D]

Actually, I'm shocked that more cows aren't killing more of us.

[A]

Christy, do you have a letter?

[E]

I do. This is for Josh Margaret in Texas. In reference to Josh's comments on hot beef injection. My husband has been saying that since we've been married, and it's been.

[D]

Yeah, that's actually Chick's comments. So listen. Listen a little better before you.

[C]

Jesus.

[E]

Sorry. I wasn't here for this, so I could not believe that some of y' all hadn't heard it before. We. We listen on the replay because we're retired now, but thank you.

[D]

None of us ever said we hadn't heard it either.

[G]

Yeah, that was.

[D]

We had all. We were all.

[C]

What was the context?

[E]

I wasn't here, so I don't know.

[G]

Who'S the guy that started that we're talking about, who wrote iconic little, little jokes and catchphrases.

[A]

Would you like a hot beef injection? Have you never heard that?

[C]

Not for a while. I've heard it.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, that's the thing.

[D]

It's not.

[C]

It doesn't make a lot of sense.

[A]

What do you mean? Of course it does.

[G]

Yeah, it does. Hot beef injection.

[C]

How are you gonna get the beef through the needle?

[A]

No, that's.

[E]

For God's sake.

[D]

The beef is the needle.

[A]

The beef is the needle. And maybe you add a little.

[C]

Oh, hi, I'm needle dick. Would you like a hot beef injection?

[A]

You add.

[C]

Is it in yet?

[A]

You add a fist punch. At the end, a hot beef injection on the word beef. Right.

[C]

That's real. That's real bro stuff.

[G]

But who broke.

[D]

Who wrote that?

[C]

Is what we were saying.

[G]

Who's the guy.

[A]

The term hot beef injection. And he had to think, I'm not gonna. It's not gonna get any better.

[G]

Who wrote tube steak smothered in underwear? Who's that guy?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How would you like.

[G]

We're talking about origin stories.

[E]

We don't know who these people are.

[A]

Who wrote Danny Boy?

[G]

Who wrote Danny Boy? No one knows.

[A]

Paul Anka.

[C]

Can you imagine? There are. There are unknown origins. I've always wondered. Someone at some point had to write, for example, the song about baked beans.

[G]

Exactly.

[C]

Now, musical fruit.

[G]

That's what we were talking.

[C]

That's another's a. That's lived through the ages. Where's that? Where'd that start?

[E]

That's the thing we don't know.

[C]

Who's the first person that wrote, hey, for a good time, call. Oh, on the. On a bathroom door.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, who.

[A]

Who wrote here I sit broken hearted.

[C]

Yeah, sure.

[E]

Right.

[C]

That had to start somewhere.

[A]

Only farted.

[G]

We got no money for it.

[C]

These people.

[D]

Who wrote this?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

No royalties. Maybe when they get. Maybe. Maybe when they get to heaven. Can you imagine that? Hey, St. Peter, come on down. I got it. You're not going to believe this.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

The guy that wrote Beans, Beans, the musical fruit died. He's coming here. I knew you wanted to meet him.

[A]

Hot beef injection. Right this way, sir. Right this way.

[D]

You're a legend.

[A]

You are a legend.

[C]

Well, thank you very much.

[D]

Now, if you have a clever saying that you enjoy, write us and tell.

[C]

Us all about it.

[A]

So can you give us a quick guideline as to a parameter for a letter that you would enjoy hearing from one of our lovely, wonderful listeners?

[D]

Oh, no, that. That's the dance.

[G]

If you're going to write a letter.

[D]

You never know if I'm going to love it or hate it.

[A]

Okay. I. I want you to know I like this.

[G]

Work harder, work smarter.

[A]

That's right.

[D]

You know, a lot of these letters this morning.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I may have loved. I might love tomorrow.

[A]

Oh, that's.

[D]

That's the whole. That's. That's the wildness of it.

[C]

So we don't have any.

[D]

I may have loved him yesterday.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Just today. Didn't want to hear.

[C]

When we come back. It's perfectly possible you're gonna. You're gonna ask me to read the letter about my dog poop. My dog poop or vomit.

[D]

Picking up you're exact next hour. I might want to hear all about that again.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And by the way, I should point out my, my paper plate concept. And it is a concept, in other words, not just an idea. It's a concept like gravity. Now it's also handy for vomit, by the way.

[A]

Oh, that's true for dog vomit. I don't think it's investable. Therefore, I'm out.

[C]

Okay. Right now I want to talk about Rougiet being Rougiet ready. Ha ha ha. This is about, this is kind of about life as we know it in our century. It's a little bit stressful. Sometimes that stress follows you into the bedroom. And it's really nice to go into the bedroom guys with a lot of confidence. And this is where rugiereadi, that term comes in. It's R u g I E t. And this is something that has entered the realm of ED treatments. And just, just for some confidence, find out what I'm talking about by visiting rougiet.com bobandtom I'll spell it for you again in just a second. Rougette is a next generation prescription treatment designed to increase blood flow for your brain, et cetera, et cetera. So arousal can be a lot easier. And you can find out all the [e-mail] bobandtom they do have a couple of really funny commercials, really funny videos about this particular product. I highly recommend. They're very fun to watch. Most men are ready in about 15 minutes. I'm talking about a mint with three ingredients. Dissolves under your tongue, absorbs quickly. It's been tried by more than 150,000 men. Find out how they what they felt about it by visiting rugier.com Bob and Tom and by the way, right now, 15% off. If you mentioned Bob and Tom, once again, it's R u g I e t rug yet.com Bob and Tom Time to take back your health, guys. Individual results vary, of course. Rug yet ready is a compounded prescription. You'll be hooked up with a with a doctor online to see if you qualify. It's a compounded prescription. You've heard about these things, not FDA approved. Visit Rougette.com for the full safety information and see if it's something you'd be interested in. R u g I E t Rougiet ready now. When we come back, we'll see what kind of mood Josh is in. And we also have a couple sad things in the world of news but but a couple of really fun Things going on and some really cool stuff at the Olympics.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Happening. Including usa, usa, the beat. What is it? A beef injection. What's it called?

[A]

Hot beef injection.

[C]

Hot beef injection, that's right.

[A]

We'll ask Christy about her favorite hot beef injection. I hope it's Andy or what's his name, Tony.

[C]

What is it?

[A]

Hey, look, look, your husband.

[C]

I have a really busy week. I, I can't. Kind of want to call my lawyer today. Please, I apologize. For whatever reason, I met your husband. Okay.

[E]

Andy is Andy.

[C]

And by hot beef injection, he actually means cooking a roast beef.

[A]

Tony.

[C]

These are the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[H]

Thanks for listening to the Bob and Tom show this morning. Catch any part of the show you missed later Today on our YouTube channel.

[A]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. There's Christy Lee.

[E]

Hello.

[A]

She's at the news desk. There's Pat Godwin. Hey, Chick. Got one of those songs for Tom coming up. Here we go. Coming up, Tom. There's Josh Arnold.

[D]

I have a question for Tom about outdoor urination.

[A]

There's Ace Cosby. We'll have that answer. I'm Chick. Hello, Tom.

[D]

Outdoor urination, when you're a skier and you love to pee outside, have you been able to combine the two, particularly at the top of a mountain?

[C]

Rarely.

[D]

You have been able to do it.

[C]

I have been able to do it.

[E]

Really?

[A]

There's probably a process.

[C]

Say you're going down an area where there aren't a lot of people. You can go off into the woods. But I've got, in fact, it reminds me, I've got to get a new pair of, of, of, what do you call it? The ski pants. What are those overalls called? You know, the one.

[E]

Bibs.

[C]

Thank you. A ski bib. Because it. I got to get one that the zipper goes a little bit lower.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Because you've got all these layers on. And the one I have now, you zip it down, but the zipper kind of comes to where your belt is.

[D]

So you have to stand on your head.

[C]

So then you gotta, you gotta reach down and get in there, then go down the long underwear. The regular underwear.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Just. It's not, not a good design.

[D]

Is it worse for women in ski bibs to have to pee?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

Well, yeah, you have to go. And they have bathrooms at the top, so. Or they do.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

And then sometimes if you ski down, there's a halfway point where they'll have a restaurant.

[C]

There's almost nothing worse than having to do a number A deuce.

[E]

Oh, come on.

[C]

Wearing ski stuff.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Particularly outside.

[G]

Wait a minute. A restaurant halfway down the slope sometimes.

[C]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[A]

I can't imagine what.

[C]

What.

[A]

What it would take to urinate through the. The ski pants and the zippers.

[C]

That's the thing. It's not easy.

[A]

Yeah, there's a lot.

[E]

Women have to take it all off.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

And in the. The good places, they have a shelf when you walk into the urinals for the guy, so you can put your gloves and your hand.

[D]

Oh, good, good.

[C]

Right there. Where that's. That makes sense.

[A]

That's nice.

[C]

But it can be quite an ordeal. But there's. And there's nothing worse than having to doff everything and I bet. Sit down. So.

[D]

But. But peeing at the top of a mountain has got to be pretty exhilarating.

[C]

That is.

[D]

Right? Yeah.

[C]

And especially if you're doing it in skis, because you can go, but you go between the skis, not while moving. Although I'm sure it's been done.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Because many of these ski resorts do serve alcohol.

[E]

That's true.

[C]

And sometimes you'll get into gondola and you go, well, I guess the ganja, the legal ganja, just paid a visit to this little movable cabin.

[A]

Do you smell pot on the ski lift every now and then?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No kidding.

[C]

We are in Colorado. It's legal.

[A]

Well, I know, but.

[D]

And there are snowboarders.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[G]

Are people drinking and skiing too?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Boy, that seems crazy.

[E]

The restaurant and you have a beer and then you go down the road.

[C]

Yes, we had. We had breakfast. We had breakfast at about 7:45 in the morning at this place called Joe's Deli. Little funky place by the main gondola in Vail. The two guys sitting next to us were drinking beer.

[E]

Oh, sure. They're on vacation.

[C]

No, I mean, that's fine. I'm just saying they're just remember when you're out there. So are they.

[E]

Well, yeah, there's that.

[A]

The only way I could ski is the draw. I'm drunk.

[D]

No, that's the only way I do a mogul.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

If I have six beers in me.

[C]

Well, no, and you would do one mogul. A mogul. You would hit that little. I'd follow me, fall over. Yeah, I would too.

[D]

Explode.

[A]

How in the hell do they do that?

[E]

And why did somebody design.

[D]

It's torture.

[E]

Because, you know, that didn't happen naturally.

[A]

And it's like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[D]

Honestly, Christy, I thought. I figured that did come from one of Those. That was one of those games where they're like, hey, sometimes you have these. This crazy terrain in life that you have to downhill ski on these huge bumps. And so they were like, let's make a sport.

[C]

Some people love them.

[E]

Oh, yeah. Some people do not want to.

[C]

Now. We had a lot of.

[E]

On one of those one time, and it was nightmare. Getting down.

[C]

It can be slow. Oh, it is now. I had a. We had a letter last week. I think it was that, I guess, underscoring my incredible levels of hypocrisy. And it was that I enjoy peeing outside in the snow, of course, But I also don't particularly care for cursive writing. And it was pointed out that when I do pee my name into the snow, I do it in my signature. So it is cursive.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Because.

[C]

So I. I'm gonna stop and start. I've been caught again. That's all right. Okay.

[A]

Cursive variety. Son of a guy. I'm having trouble believing you.

[C]

Sometimes you can't write your name cursive.

[A]

With your p. I don't. I've never written my name in the snow.

[E]

Thank you, chick.

[C]

Oh, yours is great because you got an eye to dot, which involves a pinch off. And that's gonna be true. Sweet. To the left.

[A]

I'm a gentleman.

[D]

Yes, I have peed my name.

[G]

Really?

[D]

Yes.

[H]

Really?

[D]

Yes. We did.

[C]

You have not.

[F]

No.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

What's wrong with you people?

[A]

I'd like to try.

[D]

I mean, because I always heard about him, was like, oh, we got to try it drunk in our early 20s.

[C]

I bet there's a lady listing that's done it.

[E]

I was just at least trying to say I'm trying to figure out how I would even try lady. Well, there's. You can.

[C]

There could be some movement.

[D]

She can MC Hammer her way to the side.

[A]

That's nice.

[E]

Sometimes it can come out pretty.

[A]

Remember what they called that? Call that dance?

[D]

I always thought it was just the hammer dance.

[A]

The typewriter.

[D]

They did call it that because that's.

[F]

What it looks like.

[C]

I like the use of MC Hammer as a verb. You can MC Hammer your way over there. Coming up, we have an update on semen injected beer.

[D]

You know what? I'll pass.

[C]

Well, so did everybody else.

[A]

That's close to a hot beef injection.

[C]

And we have an update. Did you guys do the update on the Olympics? Condoms.

[A]

They're running out.

[C]

Well, I got the story from this morning. Apparently, there has been an update there on the way.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

We have a really disgusting world record And a shower request on the way, so. And then Pat, you're gonna play that song when we get back.

[D]

Songs.

[C]

Oh yeah.

[G]

Such a fun time. We had a party when you were gone.

[C]

Okay, good, good. Big controversy in curling and you can, you can imagine how boring.

[A]

I saw, I saw the Canadian guy touch it.

[E]

Oh yeah, that's a double touch.

[A]

And did you see the Canadian guy? They were yelling at the Swedes or something. The Canadian guy goes, oh yeah. Well, you just f off is what he said. Oh yeah.

[C]

Oh yeah. They quoted it. I believe it's the best expletive laden.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

In curling they were chirping.

[A]

Oh yeah. Interpreted each other.

[C]

And USA we got the old guy, the 56 year old guy. Olympic winter record.

[D]

Which sport?

[C]

Curling.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[C]

56 years old.

[D]

Oh, I haven't seen him. Yeah, I just watched the mixed where they have a white and a black person. The, the didn't curl it.

[C]

Actually. The American bobsled woman happens to be African American.

[F]

Of course.

[A]

No, no, no, no.

[C]

We're not gonna let you off.

[A]

It's not bobsled. First of all, it's bob slay if you're going to do that. And then it's mono bob.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not bobsled.

[G]

And it's loogie, not luge.

[C]

Okay. And then mono dick is nevermind. These are the O'Reilly Auto Part Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[H]

Add to or continue the conversation. Check out the Bob and Tom show on Facebook. Get the [e-mail] this is the Bob and Tom Show.

[C]

Well, the holidays have come and gone once again.

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But if you've forgotten to get that.

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[A]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. There's Christy Lee.

[E]

Hello.

[A]

She's at the news desk. There's Pat Godwin. Hey, Chick. There's Jeff Osu.

[F]

Hey, man.

[A]

Hey, man. There's Josh Arnold. Hi. Hey, there's Ace Cosby.

[D]

Hey, Chick.

[A]

Hey. I'm Chick McGee. Hello, Tom.

[C]

Hello, Chick McGee. Back from my trip. Had a good time.

[D]

Good.

[C]

And just off the air, we were just didn't have time to hear the story. You were saying you bought your first round of Girl Scout cookies.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

And there's a new one, you know.

[D]

If it's been around. This was the first time I'd ever heard of it.

[A]

First time I heard of it.

[D]

I see a minivan kind of slowly going through the neighborhood, right? And a girl, a little girl's hopping out of the. Out of the minivan, and she's got a big poster made with all the cookie types and all this stuff. And I was like, oh, man. Whenever I see an entrepreneurial kid, I always go, I'm buying something. They're taking the initiative. And she came up to the door and she said, would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies? I said, you know what? I would. What two types do you recommend? And she recommended lemon something and something called Adventurefuls, which are a brownie, peanut butter type cookie. They are killer.

[E]

Really?

[D]

Yes, they're fantastic.

[C]

Really.

[D]

And I said, but I didn't know that she had them with her. Whenever I order Girl Scout cookies, I always go, yeah, mark me down for some of those.

[E]

Sure.

[D]

And so she was. I go, I'll take one of those and one of those. Do I pay you now? And she looked at me like I was an alien. And she didn't say anything. She just stared at me. And I go, it's okay if I pay now? And she goes, yeah, you do. And then her dad came up with.

[G]

The cookies in the van.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And so when I realized this is like the Wire.

[A]

When you buy drugs, they bring them in.

[D]

I was like, no wonder she thought I was insane.

[E]

Yeah. Cause in the old days, you'd have the big chart and you'd have to fill it out.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

It took forever to get it. I was used to the old days, so I liked that she had them and she was delivering them around the neighborhood.

[E]

I wonder if those were the only two that weren't selling.

[C]

Did they say, quote, yeah, she may be a real entrepreneur?

[G]

They say kroger on them.

[H]

Dad.

[C]

Dad goes, push.

[E]

Push the lemon in there.

[D]

No, they were on nice paper plates in Saran Wrap.

[A]

They just had that meeting in the car. We got to push the doy do. They're just sitting there.

[D]

I really loved that she was out there doing that. That is cool.

[C]

A couple of sad bits of news this morning.

[E]

We have a couple of them.

[C]

Robert Duvall, the great Actor has died at the age of 95.

[D]

One of the greatest.

[A]

Never trusted happiness, never will.

[E]

Saw him at the Polo Lounge one Sunday brunch.

[C]

No way.

[E]

He was sitting at the table, like, right. Like where Ace is sitting across from me. That close?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

It was wild.

[D]

He's one of those guys. I'd be nervous if I got his order wrong. I'm sure he was a very nice man, but I just. I would hate to be yelled at by Robert.

[C]

We actually. We talked to him once when he. He was talking about. He did a radio tour, talking about his. The movie he made about the dance. He got really into that tango. Yes, we spoke to him about that. But I saw a different interview with him in which he said every time someone says. They come up to him and, you know, hey, I love the smell of fill in the blank.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

When he ordering breakfast and he goes. They all think they're the first one to come up to me. It's one of the most famous lines in the history of cinema.

[D]

I've never seen the Great Santini. I should watch that.

[C]

He was a military brat, Mr. Duval. I mean, he had his. His parents. His dad was in the military. And he also. He also was famous for saying that he was a terrible student. The. The. The only thing he could do was become an actor as he served in Korea.

[D]

There are two movies that maybe are under scene of his that I recommend. Secondhand Lions with him and Michael Caine.

[G]

That's fun.

[D]

That's a great movie. And a brilliant movie is called the Apostle, which he also wrote. Oh, yeah, that thing's incredible.

[A]

That's good.

[D]

So if you can find that. Celebrate the work of Rice.

[F]

Oh, sorry. I saw him downtown for the Apostle. He was, I believe, premiering it at one of our movie festivals, Heartland. And I was walking by, and the limo door opens and he walks out.

[D]

Whoa.

[F]

Just big smiles and waves to everybody.

[D]

Just.

[F]

He had that presence about him that was just.

[D]

Was he tall?

[F]

Yeah, a little bit.

[A]

He was six, eight.

[D]

Whoa.

[A]

Isn't that weird?

[D]

Surprised he made it to 94.

[C]

Yeah, they had to shoot him next to Al Pacino. He was on his knees. Complete lies. So sorry.

[A]

Oh, hey, by the way, that Ethan Hawk movie, I tried to get through that piece of crap. Blue Moon. You didn't like it?

[C]

Man, is that hard to get shooting it, really?

[A]

I found it distracting. And I don't. I usually get into a movie, but they're shooting Ethan Hawk. Like, he's really short. I guess Loren's heart was barely over five feet. Oh, so they don't. I mean what's his face? Linklater, who I got a, I got a beef with.

[D]

He's hitting miss.

[A]

Yeah, they, they film that one movie over like 50 years or whatever they boyhood. But yeah, they just do it through natural camera tricks and they actually dig holes for him to Ethan Hawke to stand in. It's just like forget it.

[E]

Why do you take. Why do you take the magic out of them?

[A]

I'm out. I'm out.

[G]

It's like a play really.

[E]

It is like a play. And I warned you about that. But.

[C]

Okay. Well. And then other news just broke earlier this morning.

[E]

Yeah. Jesse Jackson has passed away.

[D]

Oh, no kidding.

[E]

A longtime civil rights leader, two time Democratic presidential candidate, died this morning at his home surrounded by his family at the age of 84. He ran for the Democratic presidential nomination in 84 and 88. Survived by his wife.

[C]

We have something very unusual.

[E]

What is that?

[C]

Comedian Daryl Hammond. I love this was in here one morning and he did his Jesse Jackson for us. And I guess this is kind of a tribute. Here it is. Daryl Hammond, comedians with us.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, Jesse Jackson's the most powerful public speaker in the world. But can you have a casual conversation with Jesse Jackson that's like Jesse, do you think you like some dinner? I certainly would set that up. A lot of emotion. It made good judgment, but not only that, it certainly made good sense to have a hotter breakfast. And it made good judgment, but not.

[A]

Only that, it certainly made good sense.

[C]

To have a heart at lunch. Now I take this position. When does hot and Josepha a queen be not? When does hot and Joseph a bumblebee? What. Are you trying to buy a vowel? Who can answer such a speculative question? I only know that a hall of people selling that Montgomery wall to people ask me what the Jesse Jackson want. What do I want? I want the seven nation. What do I want? I want to raise the moral tone of a nation. What do I want? I want a picture, not an under well stitcher. What do I want? I want Fred Flintstone in the house. Fred's cat out the house. Stay outside for the night. I want shoes on Fred and Barney every time. Take that big stove car down the street.

[A]

Throw the courtesy of Fred stool feet.

[C]

Say it with me. Yappa yappa do work the Runway. Oh, that is so work the run. The great Daryl Hammond doing his Jesse Jackson.

[D]

I met Jesse.

[E]

Oh, really?

[D]

He had a syndicated radio show and he sent down on business and had it borrowed studio.

[C]

So.

[D]

Oh, how about that? I'm in the Door.

[A]

Wow.

[E]

Good story.

[C]

I did not know that.

[D]

Walked into the studio.

[E]

All right.

[C]

Very nice coffee. I didn't know he was. I didn't. I wasn't know that.

[E]

That's cool.

[C]

I wish I'd met him.

[E]

Him.

[C]

Yeah. Sadly, Jesse Jackson was just announced this morning that he has died. And that was a. Our little tribute from the great Daryl Hammond.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Tremendous stand up impressionist, et cetera, et cetera now.

[D]

And he and Jesse, I think did something together on SNL at one point.

[C]

I think you're right.

[D]

Yeah. Like side by side. And it was real funny.

[C]

Yeah, that's a. That is a great impression. Now coming up, we have that song from Pat Godwin that you keep promising me. Yeah, okay.

[A]

That I. Oh, yeah. Any minute now.

[C]

That's some story that I missed. Now you've been relaxing at home, chick. Watching the Olympics.

[A]

I have.

[C]

Feeling comfy and cozy. Because of our friends at Simplisafe.

[A]

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[C]

Coming up. What are they drinking at the Olympics? We're gonna find out. We have a beef injection update of sorts involving of all things the Olympics and. And semen injected Beer. We'll find out about that. That's all coming up from the o'reilly auto parts studios. This is the bob and tom show.

[A]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Thank O'Reilly for all your car care needs. Get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. There's Christy Lee.

[E]

Hello.

[A]

She's at the news desk. There's Pat Godwin.

[G]

Hey, Chick.

[A]

Got that song coming this time. There's Jeff Oscar.

[F]

Correct.

[A]

There's Josh Arnold.

[D]

Hello.

[A]

There's Ace Cosby.

[D]

Howdy.

[A]

I'm Chick McGee. Hello, Tom.

[C]

Hello, Chick McGee. While I was. I was just gone for a couple days. Had a nice. Had a nice time skiing. But I understand that Mr. Godwin has some new, new, new songs for us.

[G]

We had a substitute teacher, Willie, so we were crazy on Friday. Jess came in right off the bat. These songs were kind of in the moment and a little goofy, but Jess comes in, she was filling for Christy, and her right eye was completely huge.

[C]

It was like.

[G]

Like this.

[D]

It almost looked like she had pink eye.

[A]

Allergic reaction. What was it from a dog?

[G]

She thinks she was allergic to her cat.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It looked like she went a couple rounds with Tyson, though. Wow. It was not good. Yeah.

[G]

So right in the moment, we just kind of whipped this up and sang to just make her feel better. Hey, what the hell happened? Jess came in swollen, right? Eyes puffed up. Could it be pollen? Yeah. She says she's allergic to that sweet, sweet puddy cat. She came on that morning show looking like it came to blows. And you, Jess, my swollen eyed girl.

[C]

She.

[G]

My swollen eyed girl. Do you remember when red eye was blue? It made her feel better.

[C]

Music, Always.

[A]

Of course.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Actually, yeah, fine. Yesterday, during the. During the morning.

[C]

Yeah. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. She had.

[G]

It was insane.

[A]

Poor thing, you know, you saying sorry to hear that and chuckling at the same time. No, I was enjoying this. Kind of cheapens it a little.

[C]

A little bit.

[A]

Your thought, your sincere thought is like, oh, I'm sorry to hear that about that bear attack.

[D]

Tom, you were in Vale with your lady. Lady friend. What do you call it?

[G]

We don't know what to say.

[A]

The school marm, the whatever the hell.

[C]

My girl, marry the damn. And several people's in. People's in my family.

[D]

And your daughters. A couple of youngest daughters.

[C]

Yeah. And then my daughter Lucy was. Came over.

[D]

Oh, great. Okay, good. How was your Valentine's Day with all the ladies.

[C]

It was good.

[D]

Good.

[C]

It was good. And I. I had ordered flowers to the hotel. Yeah. No, but it wasn't a hotel. It was.

[A]

Oh, that's Airbnb Chalet.

[C]

No, it was. It was a. It was kind of a funky condo. But I didn't know this till we got there, that there were no markings on it. And it was four floors up. No elevator, but no markings of any.

[D]

Kind, like on the outside to say, hey, this.

[C]

No address. So we had it. They said, okay, it's you. You go to patagonia and it's 300. 300 steps to the west or whatever.

[E]

How did you find it?

[C]

Well, A, it was dark, and B, we'd barely found it. Okay, Kelly.

[D]

Anyway, flowers find their way there, but.

[C]

Well, I was. I. I got a phone call from the delivery thing. You know, where the hell is this? But they were great, though. They. I just leave it at the bottom of the steps. You'll never figure out it out.

[D]

Oh, well, that's nice.

[C]

As you were going up the steps, at each floor, there were all these doors. Nothing was marked. It was great, though.

[G]

Did you get a moment alone with your Valentine's?

[C]

Gentlemen would never discuss such things.

[G]

Well, you're not a gentleman, you know.

[D]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

I have an answer for that.

[C]

We had a great time.

[E]

Good.

[D]

Good.

[C]

Yeah, nice white flowers.

[D]

Mile High Club.

[A]

Go in the bathroom again. Want to help me move some things in?

[G]

You know, honey.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[G]

We could both take this off.

[C]

We can move on now.

[D]

Unlike our sodas, I'd like the full can.

[C]

Unlike the soda on the plane, I'd like the full can.

[A]

You want a hot beef injection or a tube steak smothered in underwear?

[D]

You know, honey, every flight comes with nuts.

[C]

Well, actually, that leads to the first lead story in sports from USA Today. Go ahead.

[A]

You're doing great.

[C]

Oh, no. Do you have the story about penisgate?

[D]

Now, wait a minute. Are we done with the subject of him banging his girlfriend?

[A]

I think he wants to be. Yeah.

[E]

I think he did want to move on. Yeah.

[D]

So penisgate is the. Because I. I saw a headline that was talking about penis gate, and it showed a picture of the guy getting whacked in the nuts by the yeah.

[F]

Flag.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

And I thought, oh, so which one is penis?

[C]

Penis gate is the one. This.

[A]

I don't.

[C]

We first had this.

[A]

I can't find it.

[C]

Okay. We first had this story. I got condom a couple months ago when they were. I'll read it.

[A]

Okay, good.

[C]

The ski flyers, the ski jumpers.

[E]

Why do you call them ski flies?

[D]

They do seem to fly.

[E]

They're like flying squirrels, but they call them ski jumps.

[A]

A well known plastic surgeon is adding fuel to the so called penis gate controversy after claiming he recently performed a penis enlargement procedure on a ski jumper. Dr. Alessandro La Tara. Hi, everybody. Hi. Dr. Alessandro told USA Today he treated an athlete in the sport last month. According to the doc, skier said he wanted the procedure in order to avoid embarrassment in the locker room.

[D]

Oh, he's a little shy is what he's saying.

[C]

Yeah. But see, again, to go over what this is all about. When they gets fitted for these ski suits, they're not allowed to be baggy.

[E]

Right.

[C]

Because if they're baggy, that would give them lift because their pants would become like a wing. So they're required to be. And there's been a controversy in which they were, they were letting out the fabric in their pants so they would have more of a wing effect. And now the big thing a couple months ago was they're actually, when they go to get the measurements, they have their male member expanded. So then when it gets back to its normal size, they have that extra fabric which is, I mean, talk about dedication to your sport.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Taking a needle to the weaned.

[C]

And by the way, Pat, Dr. Latara is not local, so I was actually.

[G]

In line right now.

[C]

You're out of luck. But these guys actually inject. Inject. They inject, you know, their male member with.

[A]

He said it was more than a generous amount of hyaluronic acid. The results are immediate.

[E]

That's the filler they use in the ladies lips, right?

[D]

I can't imagine.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

It allows the athlete to wear a new competition suit within minutes. The doctor did not reveal the athlete's name, nationality, or whether he is even competing at the Winter Olympics.

[D]

Do you think Hollywood stars use these when they have to do full frontal? You think there's some guys out there that are like, you know what?

[A]

I should probably remember Ben Affleck and Gone Girl. We were all convinced that he had something done. And Gone Girl. Remember that?

[D]

I don't remember his. I, I do. I don't. I can't picture it is what I'm saying.

[A]

It was thick as my forearm.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

What's the. In Boogie Nights, they, they said that was a prosthetic.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah, it is. Now the one I remember is Michael Fassbender in. Yes, the movie where he's a sex addict and they show there's a scene where he's urinating and the shot is from the back.

[A]

Yep.

[D]

And you can see it between his legs. From the back.

[A]

From the back. You can easily see.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Right from the back.

[C]

But. So anyway, the controversy continues, but on a much lighter, happier note.

[E]

But these guys haven't been fined or anything, right?

[D]

Yeah. That's the thing. Are they doing, Are they continuing investigations?

[C]

Yeah, I, I don't know what the latest is with respect to that, but just, it's just kind of a funny sidelight to the Olympics.

[D]

How odd.

[C]

On a. On a bright note, I got a letter a while back that. To say a special hello to Winter Vanecki. She is a young lady and a great jumper from Gaylord, Michigan. And they did a. They did a. They did a thing last night that answered a question that I had on. If you saw this last night, they were asking, when they do the, the various tricks on skis, how do you develop those without killing yourself? And I have a guess.

[E]

Trampoline.

[C]

They start with. They're. They're on apparatus and they're in the air performing them just dangling above the gym floor in a harness.

[E]

Right. And a harness. Like gymnastics. Yeah.

[C]

Then they end up. Then they, when they get them down, then they do them over a pool, over the water, until they've got them completely in there. So they can then do them going.

[E]

Down because they have that at Park City. If you go to Park City, the ski jump, there it goes into the pool.

[D]

Another guy said for the snowboarding tricks particularly, they did trampolines and foam. Foam pits.

[C]

Yeah. Well, what's the guy? White. What was the guy's name? Sean White. Yeah.

[A]

I think it matters what color he is.

[C]

No, he. Sean White had a secret location a few years ago where he. And they have all the foam cubes and they, they developed them there because obviously if they land on their heads, it's going to be tragic.

[E]

Right.

[C]

But anyway, Winter is, is from Gaylord, Michigan, so can we call her Winnie in the Olympics? Yeah.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

She's great. And she, She's a great person.

[D]

I must have seen her.

[A]

Hello.

[C]

They did a special thing on our last night.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Because I've been watching Chick. You were saying the Olympics are getting really good TV ratings.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Which is fantastic. Yeah.

[A]

I lucked out and found everything. I was looking at the ski jumping and the luge and the bob and. Good. Yeah.

[D]

I'm gonna have to check out the. Google the medal count for the U.S. i don't know where we're at.

[A]

We're third behind nor I think Norway, Sweden and Us, we had five gold medals. I think at the last.

[C]

I have an idea for a new sport.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Because you've got the biathlon. You know what that is?

[D]

Yes. Yeah. I'd actually watch some and it looks excruciating. Yeah, it's hard for me to watch because I get so tired for it. For them.

[C]

Yeah. They're skiing and then they're shooting. Yeah, I want to do that for snowboarding now.

[D]

Is it more of a skeet type thing?

[E]

Yeah, I was gonna say who are you shooting?

[C]

You snowboard down while you're carrying a rifle.

[D]

Oh, they are. Okay.

[C]

It's gonna make some of the tricks a little bit harder so it's not.

[D]

You shooting at the snowboard.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, sorry.

[D]

You would enjoy that.

[C]

Yeah, I would.

[A]

Up to the day. Up to the minute medal count goes. Norway, Italy, United States, Netherlands, Austria. Norway with 28 overall medals. 12 gold. Italy with 23, 8 gold. United States with 19 and only 6 gold.

[D]

So we have the bronze and gold now.

[C]

Did you watch the skeleton gold?

[D]

So we have the bronze and gold. Yes.

[A]

I heard about that one athlete from some country who was so happy with his gold medal. He had a bronze. I can't remember. He might have been bowling. I'm not sure.

[D]

Right, right.

[A]

Something like that. Yeah.

[D]

I know he enjoyed sausage of a certain.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

What the hell was. What country was it?

[E]

Oh, wow.

[A]

He loved Chicago and some sort of polka, I think.

[C]

Yeah, well, let's.

[D]

I think it was from Warsaw.

[G]

I don't know where.

[C]

Is that any more Olympic news over there?

[A]

Heck yeah. The United States and Canada will face off for Olympic gold Thursday at one o' clock our time.

[D]

The pretty ladies.

[A]

Oh, they're the hockey players, man.

[D]

They're awesome.

[A]

This is the going for gold for the seventh time since women's hockey debuted in 98 at the Nagano Games.

[D]

They haven't had a goal scored on them in 16 periods.

[E]

That's amazing.

[D]

And I mean by periods, I mean it's like three periods in hockey. Not what the female players are 35.

[A]

To one or something.

[E]

They all go at the same time.

[D]

They sync up after a while they would have to. Yeah, it's hell of a match. It's a crime scene.

[A]

US clinched their birth. A 5 nothing win over Sweden and the defending champ Canadiens followed with Marie Philippe Poulain scoring twice to set the Olympic career goal record. And two one win over Switzerland. Do they talk like that into Switzerland?

[F]

Absolutely.

[A]

Pretty sure they do. The outcome of latest showdown between United States and Canada.

[D]

There's Gonna be a showdown.

[A]

Oh, elo for that ass do.

[D]

Who prefers the Winter Olympics to the Summer Olympics?

[C]

They're both great. They're so much fun.

[D]

That's a cop out.

[C]

No, but I mean they're.

[E]

I prefer the summer over the winter, but okay. Gymnastics.

[D]

Pat, how about you?

[G]

Spring Olympics, they're my favorite.

[D]

That's.

[G]

It's a niche market, but I enjoy them.

[D]

It's like flower planting.

[A]

Don't forget mulching. We lead the world in mulching.

[D]

Mulching's huge. My God, I am a Winter Olympics person.

[E]

You're a hockey fan, so.

[D]

Well, that's. That's true, but I. But yeah, I just love all of, like, I don't know that there's an event. I don't like some. I like watching more than others, of course.

[E]

But yeah, I like it. I enjoy it all. But I guess summer to me, just swimming, gymnastics.

[A]

I like the winter. I like the winter, but I also like the summer.

[D]

I know the summer is hard to make a decision. Do kids care about the Olympics?

[A]

I don't know.

[G]

I think I know my son.

[D]

Are your girls interested at all?

[C]

Yeah, we've been watching off and on. Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Your son doesn't. No, no, my girls haven't mentioned it. I don't know if they are watching or not.

[A]

Well, but your. Your daughters are full grown adults. I mean, did you see the thing about the.

[C]

One person dropped the metal.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

And it broke down a sewer. Yeah, I saw that.

[E]

Which one?

[C]

And there was a. There was a thing about. I guess they don't give them a case.

[A]

Well, no, they were having trouble with metals. And the ribbon was falling off.

[E]

They were breaking. There were like five of them.

[A]

One of the metals, the back came off or something.

[C]

Do you remember? I can't remember the guy's name. He came in here.

[E]

It was the dive.

[C]

He was the diver and he had.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Remember he had his gold medal.

[A]

Regular ganis in a sock and a tube sock.

[C]

It wasn't Greg Loganis.

[A]

It was a tube.

[E]

Soccer tubes up.

[C]

I. God, I can't remember his name. But yeah, he was saying. Yeah, he. It was really cool. He won the gold medal.

[D]

I'm pretty sure it was Greg Luganis.

[C]

And it might have been. It wasn't because remember we had to.

[D]

Put plastic on the seats. Oh, we had to put condoms on the microphone.

[E]

I love Gregory.

[A]

Elana Myers Taylor won her first Olympic gold in women's monobob.

[D]

Mono bob.

[A]

She made history. The oldest American woman to do it at the winter game. She rallied in the final heat and dropped her knees in tears. Germany's Laura Nolte. I don't know if any relation to Nick Took Silver. That's my daughter, Kaylee Humphries. We ain't partners. We ain't friends. Kaylee Humphries Ombruster took the bronze for the United States.

[D]

Actually, Nolte. Nolte gets a little high every now and then.

[C]

He does? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, he does. Every now and then he gets a little.

[D]

I was the coach in blue chips.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[D]

Yeah, that's very pretty good. Yeah. We got to get Nick. No in here.

[C]

We've talked to him twice.

[A]

You know what else I stumbled on while you were gone, Tom?

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I do an amazing. Jennifer K.

[D]

I thought that.

[A]

Am I. Am I.

[D]

Have I lost it?

[C]

You'll get it back.

[D]

You'll. You will get it back.

[A]

People think I'm sexy.

[F]

There you go. I need more saliva.

[A]

Only because I'm 90.

[E]

She's not 90.

[A]

She's every bit 90 years old.

[E]

You don't like Jennifer Coolidge?

[A]

No, she wasn't.

[C]

She is in here. She was really.

[E]

She was very sweet.

[C]

Well, do you remember her being in here?

[D]

I remember Greg Lagane is not hitting on it.

[A]

I remember that, too. That's what I remember.

[G]

When Jesus came in that day.

[C]

Oh, God, Jesus. And he kept his gold medal in a sock. Josh, you see what's going on here?

[D]

Yeah. Because they don't give you. They should give you a nice case.

[E]

Yes.

[C]

I mean, can you imagine?

[E]

Nice velvet case.

[D]

You know who should get on that? Stephen Singer.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

That'S a great idea.

[C]

I mean, I was talking to Michael Phelps, the diver. I mean, the swimmer. Excuse me, Michael Phelps. You got me.

[A]

No, he's gonna. He's gonna.

[C]

He can't even get a sock diver. He can't keep socks in a socks drawer anymore because there's so many gold medals in there wrapped in a sock. Oh, God.

[D]

And one hitter.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, he likes. He likes the dope. That's for drone. Drone cameras are changing how broadcasters show the Olympics. Martin Bakate is the pilot who flies a drone cam.

[D]

He must be very small.

[A]

Right behind downhill skiers. He is actually inside the drone. That's good of you to pick that up, Josh.

[C]

Don't make fun of his high voice. He hates that. To talk to a jockey, they get really mad if you go, wow.

[A]

You talk like a modern day. Drones are tiny. Explaining his size and can top 100 miles an hour.

[D]

I didn't know that.

[A]

What about that?

[C]

Well, the skiers are going over 70. True.

[A]

My God. Did you go over 70 while you were skiing on your little something interstate.

[C]

At one point, unintentionally.

[E]

Oh, really?

[C]

Oh, really? Yeah, I was thinking lose control there. Do you think if those trees are coming awful fast, I really better turn.

[D]

Did you start singing? I got you, babe.

[A]

If you. If you haven't thought of this, I hope this puts it in your mind. If you start to fall, will you for me go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Something like that to make it fun for us to play at the funeral.

[D]

You know who? We haven't talked about that showed, I thought, real maturity and grace. Is that Ilion kid. The pressure of the planet on his shoulder.

[A]

I guess he got off the chart hating on online.

[D]

Shame on those people. That's a real shame. And good for him to stay up.

[C]

Do you think it's. I think that unfortunately, doing the backflip, they've turned it into a stunt.

[D]

I get nervous, man.

[C]

Yeah, I don't think that belongs in that.

[E]

It was illegal, right, in the Olympics.

[C]

I mean, they're turning it into a. Instead of being a graceful dance thing.

[A]

Have you seen his head? He's got a big head of hair.

[E]

He does have a nice head of hair. Was it Mark Lindsay that you're thinking of? I've been trying to find a diver. Yeah, I think that's it.

[A]

From Paul Revere and the Raiders.

[C]

No, no, he was a. He was an American diver.

[E]

He came in Mark Lindsay, and he was married to somebody.

[A]

Things just keep getting harder to find.

[E]

Mark Lindsay. This is Mark Lindsay. I don't hear the difference.

[A]

Excuse the hell out of me.

[C]

In any event, sadly, he's. He's gone, so. Oh, we got to take a break. Coming up, we have.

[A]

I'm gonna go call Greg Luganis. Is that all right?

[C]

Just say, hey, please, please call him. And I hope it's complicated and you can't get back for at least 25 minutes.

[D]

Oh, hopefully he doesn't hit his head on the phone.

[A]

You remember when he had a dive and he hit his head on the Real bad.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Unbelievable.

[D]

Boy, you know, the janitors looked at each other. Well, I guess we're sterilizing that.

[C]

I guess we're draining the pool now. You know something? I give up. I should have hit that tree. What the hell? Good. Way to go. He died doing what he loved. I don't know why. Why did he take his helmet off and throw it. Throw it at the top of the mountain at somebody. I Think he wanted to go this way?

[E]

This brings up a good point. Do you get skiing Tourette's where you're, like, shouting obscenities when you're out of control?

[C]

Absolutely.

[E]

I had a feeling.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

I forget what we have coming up. God knows what it is. Oh, I know. We have some new words, one of which will.

[A]

Oh, no, no new words.

[C]

This one makes me feel.

[H]

It may.

[C]

Be time to take out a couple people.

[A]

Are you mad enough already.

[D]

This is the first time somebody shot into a book depository.

[C]

Yeah, that's your third great joke of the day. You might as well just go.

[A]

Stick around.

[C]

We're coming back.

[A]

The same guy with the Lagina store.

[C]

We're coming Back to the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[H]

This is the Bob and Tom Show. Reach us toll free at 1-888-bobtom1 or@bob&tom.com this is the the Bob and Tom Show.

[A]

And welcome back to the Bob and Tom show where the O'Reilly is he.

[C]

Such A Funny Guy?

[A]

Studios. Yes, Christy Lee is there at the news desk. Yeah, there's Pat Godwin.

[D]

Hello.

[A]

There's Jeff Oskay.

[F]

Yes, sir.

[A]

Oh, Jeff had a really good joke while you were going.

[E]

I didn't get to hear that.

[A]

We'll have him. We'll have him redo it, I hope.

[D]

He made it very clear to me he is never telling it again.

[A]

Is that right? There's Josh Arnold.

[E]

Did you get in trouble?

[D]

No, no, no. I'm just playing.

[G]

Did it not work on stage?

[F]

No, it worked fine.

[D]

Oh, cool.

[F]

Yeah, I opened with it and they loved it.

[G]

It's funny.

[D]

Tom, are you here to hear this?

[C]

No.

[D]

Like one of his very first open mic jokes.

[F]

Yeah. We had a story about llamas and it reminded me of one of my very first open mic jokes. So here's how it goes. I'll warn you, it sucks.

[E]

You shouldn't sell it like that.

[F]

So I was doing some reading about Osama bin Laden, trying to figure out why he's such a jerk. Found out this about bin Laden. Bin Laden had five wives. With those five wives, 35 children. For each son his wife bore him, he would gift her five llama. For each daughter his wife bore him, he would gift her one llama.

[A]

Ah.

[F]

I was like, well, that explains right there. That guy had to deal with a whole hell of a lot of Osama baby mama llama drama.

[D]

We loved it.

[C]

I like that. Very good.

[E]

Huh?

[D]

And we.

[E]

I like that very much.

[D]

We implored him to put it back into his act.

[F]

I did.

[A]

You need to teach it to all of us.

[C]

That's a hard one.

[F]

Osama baby mama, llama drama.

[C]

That's great. Now, is the setup on that in fact correct?

[F]

Yes. He did have five wives.

[C]

So you're saying you can. You can knock up a chick, give her five llama. One llama and you're done.

[F]

Yeah. You're out.

[C]

No child support.

[A]

I would be so much money ahead.

[D]

And we got a letter saying that Jeff opened with that joke the other night, and it killed pretty good.

[F]

See, I hadn't done it in, like, 15 years, so it was cool. I opened with it.

[C]

Llamas are the ones that spit, right?

[E]

Yes.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And the ones you like are.

[E]

The alpacas are smaller than llamas, so they're like.

[A]

You can't tell me they're. They're not.

[C]

I heard that, Josh. And because you've had so many good jokes that I'm going to ignore the. The hackness of that line.

[D]

All right.

[A]

Is that what you said?

[C]

So is so. I don't know. But you. But animal husbandry or biology, as you all know. So alpacas are like the Shetland sheepdog of the llama world and that they're smaller. Yeah. The Shetland. Isn't the Shetland sheepdog. The little miniature collie.

[A]

I got no idea.

[E]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I get.

[C]

Is that what they're called?

[D]

The Shetland pony is the tiny.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

So they're called a shel. Yeah.

[C]

So if we go to this place called Shetland, is everybody little teeny people?

[A]

Yeah, they're all drone ponies.

[C]

If you've got your Shetland pony, your Shetland sheepdog.

[E]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

I'm just saying.

[C]

And it's pronounced Shetland. Okay, let's move forward.

[E]

Spelled ET.

[A]

Olympic curling is facing controversy over allegations of cheating. The Canadian. Canadian men's and women's team, along with Britain's men's team, have been accused of double touching. That's illegally touching the curling stone again after releasing it. And there's video, plain as day. The Canadian guys touching it.

[E]

Yeah, he is.

[D]

Gives it another little flick with his finger there.

[A]

The problem began when Oscar Erickson of Sweden accused Canada's Mark Kennedy of breaking the rules. Kennedy responded with, oh, really? Well, f you.

[D]

Yeah, I like it. That's your classic Canadian chirp right there.

[A]

That's right. Normally they say, guess what? And you go, what? You go, yeah, that's what. Videos appear to show multiple double touches. Quickly spread on social media that the athletes deny wrongdoing well, you can see it, dudes.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

So you're telling me they don't have what they have in the NFL?

[E]

What, you mean replay?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Or can you walk over to the sideline and.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because isn't it. Isn't this one of those things where there are no refs?

[D]

I think there. Somebody's watching.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

But I don't know now. I think they. They did do it. The video shows that they. At least the one guy did it.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I don't think he knows he did it. I don't think this was an attempt to cheat. I think it was just a weird physical reaction.

[C]

Well, the problem is you're on ice, so it's so slippery.

[D]

Exactly.

[C]

Who wouldn't. Who wouldn't grab maybe if they were playing it on, you know, dirt and.

[A]

Maybe from the angle he really isn't touching it.

[E]

It just looks like maybe it was on his slide instead of his. What was that? Sticky shoe?

[C]

It's described here as sticky shoe. Mr. Kennedy responded with a quote, quote, expletive laden outburst, which is unusual for a Canadian. They're so pleasant and well spoken.

[D]

Well, they. They're pleasant, but that's.

[C]

Maybe he said f you. Please.

[A]

Canada went on to win the match. Eight, six. And the controversy continues.

[C]

Now, it's called double touching the stones.

[D]

Yep.

[C]

Which, by the way, very popular in the bedroom, ladies.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Double touching.

[D]

Double touch.

[A]

Don't treat them like they're orphans. Grab a hold of those things now. Josh, get on him.

[C]

I know you're a big fan of all ice sports and I. I understand you're writing a. A fan fiction about the heated rivalry. Yes, curling. Now, is my correction saying this is going to be much like that hockey gay thing that's out there.

[D]

Heated rivalry.

[C]

Yeah. But I mean, you're. It's going to be the. The two gay curlers.

[D]

That's right. Yes.

[C]

And by gay curlers, we mean the sport, not the hair thing.

[D]

No, no, those are a little gay.

[C]

That'd be too obvious.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. No. Yeah. It's about two homosexual curlers and what happens.

[C]

Oh, I owe you this one.

[A]

Hang on a second.

[C]

Don't act like you that.

[A]

Seriously, after the.

[C]

After the opening letter segments you deserve.

[A]

Josh, I have a. I have a follow up to what Tom asked you. Yeah. What does happen.

[C]

In your fan fiction?

[D]

I wish I knew more curling terms so I can come up with.

[F]

With.

[C]

It is funny though, how. I mean, it's you. You sort of end up watching it for a while and it's getting your I'm sitting there kind of. I could do this. I'm really good at clean house cleaning.

[E]

And Dick said he watched it for nine hours the other day.

[A]

I did. I. I found it and I. I looked up at the clock. It was nine hours later.

[C]

Did you see the guy, the American guy? I think he's like 56 years old. He's. He's the oldest winter Olympian. He got in. He got in for a couple of. What do they call them? A couple of throws. Wow.

[F]

Did you see the American team? They were using Swifters.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

I think that was cheap.

[A]

What were they using?

[D]

Swifters.

[A]

Swifters, the spray and Swifter.

[C]

By the way, I'm old school.

[D]

I could hit you.

[A]

You're close enough.

[E]

You don't like a Swiffer?

[C]

I don't use it.

[D]

They're pretty good, man.

[E]

I use them every day. I love it.

[A]

Kind of badass. Why aren't you using Swiffer?

[C]

I don't know. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a broom guy and a vacuum cleaner guy.

[A]

Is it Swiffer or Swiffer? Swifter.

[D]

Swift Swiffer.

[C]

Swifter, yeah.

[A]

Swiffer.

[E]

I didn't want to correct him.

[A]

Swift. Swiffer.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We kind of wait.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, we knew what you were talking about.

[C]

I'll make Josh, man. Sounds like a sex move, doesn't it?

[A]

I don't know what my problem. She wrecks me all the damn time.

[C]

Oh, well, now we have a show coming up. We have what the Olympians are drinking. Christy, I think you'll like this story.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

And we also. And it's not feeding the sports. It's not our update on semen injected beer which is coming.

[A]

Beef injection. Hot beef injection tube steak smothered in underwear. Come on.

[C]

I've never heard that one.

[D]

That's funny.

[G]

That was around fifth grade.

[A]

Got to be the same guy.

[C]

And we have a toilet thief in Japan. It's all coming up for me. From the O'Reilly Auto Part Studios, this is the Bob and Tom Show.

[H]

Thanks for listening to the Bob and Tom show, sponsored in part by Java House, the official coffee and refreshments of the Bob and Tom Show.

[A]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Christy Lee at the news desk.

[E]

Hello. Chick McGee.

[A]

Pat Godwin the guitar. Hello, Jeff. Oscar coming on to Christy. I. I didn't see this coming.

[E]

I like that shoulder shrug.

[A]

I didn't have this on my bingo car. There's Josh Arnold.

[D]

Oscar's feeling Froggy today. He threatened to hit you. Yeah, he's hitting on Christie.

[A]

He's gonna nail. There's Ace Cosby and Chick mcgee. Hello, Tom.

[C]

Hello, Chick mcgee.

[A]

What? Would you be okay if Josh just got up and come over there and kiss you on the mouth?

[C]

What?

[D]

We just want to know if you'd be okay with it.

[A]

Would you be okay with it?

[C]

It's not okay.

[A]

All right, there's a big smooch.

[D]

Asked and answered.

[C]

No. Let's see. Where were we? Oh, we. We were still at the Olympics.

[A]

The drink of choice for Olympians.

[C]

Christy, I think you're gonna like this.

[E]

All right, I'm listening. All ears.

[A]

I'm doing.

[D]

Sports.

[A]

Is bronze.

[C]

Is that. Who was that?

[E]

That's a puppet.

[A]

He's a puppet.

[E]

He's your puppet.

[A]

And I don't know why you don't just go ahead.

[C]

Because if I don't direct you, you're gonna go off on some tangent about Josh kissing other guys.

[D]

I am prone to do it.

[A]

Don't you find that a little bit hot?

[C]

Not at all. I'm not watching the gay hockey thing either. Don't feel the heat?

[B]

No.

[A]

Is it because you feel like you might?

[D]

Right.

[C]

Yeah, that's it. Now all I do is think about ass cracks all day long and wonder how I could get in them. I've got other things to do.

[D]

Well, how can I get in that one?

[A]

Oh, really? What do you think about ass cracks? Well, how to get in them. All right, well, that makes sense.

[C]

The gluteal cleft turns me on. No, not at all.

[A]

Drink of choice for Olympians at the Winter Games is broccoli juice. Reportedly tastes like wood and Dijon mustard.

[E]

God, I'd hate that. Why would you think I would like?

[C]

Because it's just the kind of thing you'd walk in one day and go, oh, my God, I feel so great.

[A]

Have you tried these broccoli shots? They're amazing.

[C]

I don't know why I'm mocking Christy. This is just a sort of stupid thing I would do.

[E]

Yeah, I was gonna say.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

The juice considered as a 60 milliliter shot. Now, that's just like 1 milliliter 60 times to kind of bring it home for you. It's made by a Swedish company called Gnomeo Wherefore no Meal, which says it has identified a compound in the broccoli that reduces the burning sensation in muscles during intense exercise.

[D]

Oh, yeah, sure. It counteracts the lactic acid.

[A]

The company adds sugar and lemon. Shut up. To make it Taste better. But Emil Solander, one of Gnomeo's founders, admitted to the Wall Street Journal, we sell it because it works, not because it tastes good.

[D]

Oh, all right.

[A]

You know, that used to be the Smucker slogan. We sell it because it, it's good.

[C]

No, no, no, no. The slogan was, with a name like Smuckers, it better be good.

[D]

It's gotta be good.

[C]

That could apply to many, many company names. With a name like Turd Breath. Turd Breath. It's gotta be good.

[A]

Who would name a company Turd Breath?

[E]

A guy that thinks about ass cracks.

[D]

All day long and how to get in.

[C]

I. I miss the way you guys attack me as a team.

[A]

How to Get In.

[D]

That's Tom's new book, Ass Cracks and How to Get In.

[C]

I mean, you had a company come on like, like liquefart.

[D]

Well, that might be the broccoli juice.

[A]

Honestly, it says here and I just shut my eyes and see him typing this. Despite its less than palatable flavor. Oh, that's an award winner. That's amazing.

[C]

Well, I, I try to write.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

I to write for those that own a book.

[A]

Some athletes at the games have taken to drinking Gnomeo and a few even swear by it.

[D]

Take a drink and go. What is this?

[A]

Caused me to swear now.

[C]

Doesn't broccoli. I think it's farting.

[E]

Yes, it does.

[C]

You take it in liquid form. I wonder if there's a shart effect effect.

[A]

Broccoli's always taste a little bit like corn.

[C]

Can you imagine a TV show called Shark Tank? And you know what? You have people, they're sitting above a huge vat.

[D]

And if they get the.

[C]

Question wrong, they're drop them in.

[A]

They're dunking booth into the on Shark Tank.

[D]

You know what? For that reason, I'm out.

[G]

If you search for fiber walking through the produce.

[A]

Ah.

[G]

There'S broccoli. I used to call them trees. Put a pat of butter on them after they've been steamed and then drizzle a little Velveeta cheese. Broccoli. Broccoli is healthy.

[A]

Have you heard?

[G]

Helpful for your digestion.

[D]

Big note.

[G]

Broccoli, this is for you. Tom builds a sturdy stool. The whisk broom of the loring test.

[C]

A little apology to apology to Mr. Joel. I will say know I was kind.

[A]

Of disappointed because word and turd rhyme. I thought turd was coming, but, well.

[G]

The turds always come.

[C]

Well, not at the end.

[A]

A Canadian hockey team.

[C]

Just ask the guy that did Elvis's autopsy. I need another bucket, Dave.

[A]

Canadian Hockey team is asking its fans to take care of their personal hygiene before coming to the game.

[C]

Josh. This. This is specifically for Josh. You'll see why in a minute.

[A]

In an email sent to season ticket holders, the Oshawa General's director of ticket sales and service, Jason Hickman, advised fans to please shower before attending the game. What he said to do this, especially if you went to the gym or did something that produced body odor. He told Durham Region News. I got a lot of people complaining about the person next to them smelling like cat piss, bad breath, this and that, everything else.

[C]

What?

[D]

It's become such a huge problem.

[A]

It's very delicate. Very delicate situation. But by sending out a generic email, some might kind of hopefully look in the mirror and say, you know what? I can do better.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

The fans.

[A]

I'm gonna take a.

[C]

The fans smell bad.

[A]

Wow. Where is this Oshawa now?

[C]

You told us, Josh, that when you were doing some stuff, you were working, you had to go into the locker room of professional hockey players. And the hockey bags, you said there's nothing worse.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. The hockey locker room smelled worse than any MLB locker room I'd ever been in. For sure. Because the equipment gets so sweaty.

[E]

Hard to wash pads and stuff.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

And the bags start to.

[D]

Oh, yeah, man. I mean, it's crazy. It's like, you know that smell when you get a cast removed or somebody, it's that times 10. It's awful. I don't know about NFL locker rooms. I've never been in one.

[C]

But this is the fans. That's what's so odd, though.

[D]

Yeah, that's weird.

[C]

They're getting complaints that the fans have terrible bo.

[A]

Oshawa is a city in Ontario.

[D]

I've been there.

[A]

The Lake Ontario shoreline, about 60 km east of downtown Toronto.

[E]

Was it smelly?

[D]

Not that I remembered. No, I just remembered my. Everybody had fun saying Joshua's in Oshawa. Ah, yeah. Oh, that's very good.

[A]

Time. Okay.

[C]

Maybe they should have a deodorant guy instead of a beer guy walking down the aisle.

[A]

Are you glad you're. Are you glad you're around better friends? Now, that don't say Joshua and Oshawa.

[D]

That was my grandparents and my great aunt and uncle. I mean, they. They got. They got a kick out.

[A]

Well, they're dead now, though, right?

[C]

All.

[D]

Every one of them.

[C]

Yeah, but they were swingers. They had a good life. I have a solution for this.

[E]

Really?

[A]

I bet you do.

[C]

Bo Cam. You find out where some guy really stinks?

[A]

That's not bad.

[C]

You Shame them publicly.

[E]

Shame them.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

On the bo cam.

[C]

And the bo cam on the row three.

[E]

See, I think that would cause people to not shower more because they want to get on the bo game.

[C]

Oh, you're right.

[B]

Man, oh man.

[E]

That's the society we live in, honey.

[A]

And you don't just say BO, do you? You add a little flavor to it.

[C]

Right. What would you say?

[F]

Bo?

[C]

Oh, of course. Did you guys all do that when you were kids?

[D]

Yes. Was there a commercial or something?

[C]

I don't know. That was.

[D]

We used to say, I think.

[C]

Yeah, I think it's like beans. Beans, the musical fruit. It's one of those. No one knows who. Who came up with that. It's the. It's the foghorn.

[D]

Right.

[E]

See, I think of the wizard of Oz. I think of them now.

[C]

Was there a guy in your elementary school everyone knew a terrible body odor? Oh, yeah. I'm not gonna say the guy's name. He may still be alive. There was a guy. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Maybe it was you.

[C]

No, no, no. I don't think so. This guy really stunk.

[A]

Organized organizers at the Olympics say fresh supplies of free condoms are on the way after villages. Athlete villages ran out in just three days.

[D]

I. Willie's right on this when he said people are just taking them by the handful as souvenirs.

[E]

Sure.

[C]

Oh, not all I know that one guy using them. Is that 56 year old curler.

[E]

His wife to know that guy probably.

[C]

He's going through all the initial stuff, all the foreign curling chicks. Wouldn't it be funny if the curlers were the ones that were getting all the sex?

[D]

They were the band camp of the.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Not these incredible asses. You know, sculpted bo. Incredible athletes. The curling dudes are the ones banging all the chicks from finland.

[A]

Fewer than 10,000 condoms reportedly distributed for almost 3,000 athletes. Far fewer than 300,000 provided at the Paris Games in 24. Oh, Paris, a city of love chick isn't.

[D]

Men who are not circumcised don't have to wear condoms. Right. Because it's sort of like nature's condom.

[A]

That is exactly correct.

[D]

I think we learned.

[C]

Hey, do you have any more great health tips?

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

Correct.

[A]

I'm not. No, I won't silence you. That is correct.

[D]

Yeah, that's.

[C]

Oh, God, please don't send us letters.

[F]

I'd love if they just walk in with a big cardboard box marked 80s Olympics and they just dump out a bunch of old sponges and diaphragms. We had these left over.

[D]

Have a go at Them.

[C]

Is the sponge still. Christy, is the sponge still out there? No.

[E]

Remember, it was discontinued because there was some. You remember shock syndrome?

[A]

Do you remember the End Care Oval?

[C]

Yes. That was a spermicide.

[A]

It was like a. It was shaped like a bullet. And you. They stuff them up in there, and then you go.

[C]

Are those still out there?

[A]

You root around.

[E]

I think they are. I think when we talked about this before.

[G]

Okay, what about the diaphragm?

[A]

Is that still.

[E]

Diaphragm's still out there.

[C]

Still out there.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Did anybody ever use a dental.

[C]

Damn. Heard of it?

[E]

God, no.

[A]

Oh, you mean for oral pleasure?

[D]

I don't know anyone who's ever used a dental dam. But it's.

[E]

It sounds ridiculous.

[C]

Sounds like an appliance. When you get braces. That's. That's a sex thing.

[A]

I can't.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I can't eat corn on the cob because of my dental. Damn.

[C]

But this was the sponge. Did you have to use the aspermicide with the sponge?

[E]

It was. The spermicide was in the sponge.

[C]

Oh, I see.

[A]

When you squeeze.

[C]

Oh, that would explain why. That would explain why I ended up cleaning the kitchen with it. And it was so streaked.

[A]

You wash dishes with the. No, you didn't.

[D]

I have to wash my T shirts.

[C]

And spermicide, that word really is.

[A]

World record. Coming up, big time. World record.

[C]

All these little. By the way, have you seen the movie Still Talking Marty Supreme.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Opening. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the opening. Okay. I was wondering if it was just me, if I was.

[D]

Now, those guys love the Saffsi brothers. Love having. The opening of Uncut Gems is a colonoscopy, Right.

[A]

So when they start the movie, they want it started.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, you're in.

[C]

Okay. Well, now we have a bunch of cool stuff coming up. World record, including new words that are I find extraordinarily annoying. But right now, let's talk about our car girl. Do you mind if I call you that?

[E]

Christy? I don't mind. I love cars. You know that.

[D]

That.

[C]

Could you. If I gave you a piece of paper in two minutes, could you write down every kind of car you've ever.

[E]

Driven in two minutes? Driven or owned?

[C]

Owned.

[E]

Well, there's a long list.

[C]

Yeah, it's a fun list for everybody to make, but I know the one you're driving right now, you've been talking about how much you love it, which is why we're talking about it right now. It's the Hyundai.

[E]

Hyundai. And when I made this purchase, I was really on the fence. I did a lot of work and I did a lot of research and it was the best thing I've ever done, I think you will agree. And I have the hybrid, which I really recommend. That means gas. It means electric. They combine the two and you get amazing gas mileage. In fact, the Hyundai Palisade now has an EPA estimated 619 mile range. That is incredible on one.

[C]

Now maybe you're saying I don't have a 619 mile cord. You don't need one.

[E]

No, you don't need one.

[C]

That's not how it works. Hybrid technology far more sophisticated than needing a long cord. This is worth looking into by going to Hyundai USA.com one of the things I think is so cool, having grown up with and currently owning a car that has a way, way back.

[E]

Yeah, the Palisade is built for seven. It's built for the family for sure.

[D]

So.

[C]

But you don't have to climb over the back seat to get to the way, way back because it's got those captain's chairs, which I also like because then when you're sitting in them, you go, I'm the captain.

[E]

Have you ever sat in the back seat of your car? No.

[C]

You know something? I never have. Have I didn't think so because I'm usually driving it that way. I can listen to the criticism coming my way about what a terrible driver I am. That is constant.

[E]

Well, while you're sitting in.

[A]

I bet you're horrible.

[C]

A great driver never had an accident.

[E]

While sitting in the Palisade. You'll be in very creature comforts, if you will. It's a beautiful interior, beautiful vehicle all the way around. Visit HyundaiUSA.com or give them a call. They love that. 562-314-4603 for all the details. That's Hyundai USA.com.

[C]

Put it this way. Christy went through several men before she found the guy. Now she's gone through a lot of cars and she found the car.

[E]

Yep.

[C]

That's why I can just see the commercial. Christie. Hey, look, I've been through all of them. This is the Honda ladies. Finally. What do you think they're gonna go for that? These are the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Thompson Show.

[A]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob Stop Show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. There's Christy Lee. There's Pat Godwin.

[G]

Hello.

[A]

There's Jeff Osk.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

There's Josh Arnold.

[D]

Huh.

[A]

There's Ace cosby. I'm chick mcgee. Hello, tom. Still talking about the 56 year old guys in the Olympics.

[D]

I think it's great.

[C]

Don't you think that's cool?

[A]

What does he compete against?

[C]

Like he's on the curling team. He was a coach and he's. He got that. He got to get in and throw a few stones, as they say. Kind of cool.

[E]

What?

[A]

That's what he said.

[C]

That's what they call it.

[A]

That's what you're supposed to. You're throwing stones.

[E]

Throwing stones?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

You ever heard the phrase throwing rope?

[A]

Yeah. You know what that is, right?

[C]

No. Well, if it's roped. Really?

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

You might want to see a doctor. If it's ropey.

[D]

It's kind of the goal, isn't it?

[C]

Well, let's see. Where. Where was I? I've lost my place now.

[A]

And I believe you know, the 56 year old guy put on his email, the automatic answer. It says, I am out of office. I'm playing in the Olympics. That's all it said. He didn't tell anybody he was going to go be in the Olympics. He just said playing the Olympics. That's like a 56 year old guy. Yeah, he doesn't care.

[C]

Good for him.

[F]

Is this email at aol?

[A]

No. God no. He's not that old.

[F]

What did I do to you, man?

[A]

56 years old.

[C]

Let me. Jeff.

[A]

Are you getting close to 50? You're not, Jeff.

[C]

You're smart enough to know reason and logic don't even apply.

[A]

Really?

[E]

Already?

[A]

I don't understand what crawled in. Chicks. Corn flakes. Today I just called him a worthless, lonely old piece of crap.

[C]

I mean, I don't know.

[A]

Why did we lose?

[C]

You're in a diet, unhappy and alone. Let's just move on. We lost him.

[A]

What the hell?

[C]

Two hours 15 into the show.

[A]

Thousands of school children in India have broken the Guinness world record for the longest chain of people licking ice cream.

[D]

Oh, they're taking a break from spelling bee practice.

[A]

4,008 students.

[F]

That's a big cone lined up in.

[C]

That's exactly my problem with it. This makes no sense. And it's got to be the most unhealthy.

[A]

It lined up in two unbroken chains. So they're licking the same 2004.

[D]

No, they can't be licking the same thing.

[G]

Are they licking the same cone?

[E]

Are they licking the same thing?

[A]

Each student. Will you shut up? Each student was given an ice cream cone that they then offered to the person standing behind them.

[E]

Oh, no.

[A]

Really? They had one minute to ensure everyone had a lick.

[D]

This is sickening.

[E]

Have we checked on these kids today?

[C]

Hey, you think we have a measles epidemic? They have the Black plague.

[D]

That is rough.

[A]

This record had gone unbroken for 15 years.

[D]

Share an ice cream cone with Sophia Vergara, let alone.

[C]

Well, wait a second now. Wait a minute.

[D]

What are you queer?

[A]

That could be, but only if she served it out of her ass crack.

[C]

That could be caked in crabs and you'd lack a lap it up.

[D]

Well, you guys saw right through.

[C]

Yeah, that was a horrible premise.

[G]

Could have gone with anybody else.

[C]

So let me get this straight. That they. So they've got somebody making. Whatever it is. 4000 ice cream cones at the same time. They all get them. They lick it and hand it to the person next to them behind them.

[E]

It said, but whatever.

[D]

Gross.

[C]

Do they have to spell anything when they hand it to them? What? It's India. Come on, let's face it. This. Every spelling bee, they win. I don't know what's going on over there.

[E]

Good spelling teachers.

[C]

That has got to be the most boring.

[A]

Oh, yeah. You don't like the spelling bee?

[C]

It's the biggest waste of time in history. History.

[A]

What about that? And writing cursive, right? Teaching cursive.

[C]

No. The spelling bee is the biggest. None of the words any human being has ever used.

[D]

One of my best friends is Indian. I should ask him what the spelling be. What. What that's all about. Because he would bounce back and forth.

[C]

From some cultural thing.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, we couldn't go to India and spell their words. Probably. There's no way, right?

[D]

No, no. I think it's a lot of, like, H's behind B's.

[C]

How about these letters that I've.

[D]

Too many.

[C]

Too many vowels. What the hell's up with that?

[A]

Anglo. What?

[C]

You know the weird thing about this record? This. The. The ice cream. Vanilla.

[E]

Vanilla. That's great.

[A]

Did you hear the silence?

[D]

I. All right.

[F]

I don't.

[C]

That's all. If you were going to do this, everybody had to. If those. If you're only allowed to have one flavor, vanilla. You wouldn't go with chocolate.

[E]

No. Go with vanilla. Yes.

[A]

Well, because probably more people can stand vanilla. I mean, it wouldn't be their favorite, but.

[E]

And it wouldn't stand in their shirts.

[C]

I want to see some numbers. I assume that chocolate ice cream is number one in the world.

[G]

I bet it's not.

[C]

No wonder the world sucks. This explains everything. I thought it was just Putin being a giant ass. No, it's this vanilla ice cream conspiracy.

[D]

You think dictators and people like Putin or whatever must every now and again Go bring me a bowl of ice cream, will you? How weird is that?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Look at the death numbers for this month. 30,000. Bring me some ice cream. Make me feel better.

[F]

A little sprinkles on top.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

One for each family that lost the song.

[D]

I'll have an extra cherry tonight. Isn't that odd? I mean, I'm trying to kind of make it absurd. He keeps throwing it.

[G]

You got. He's got numbers.

[D]

Please don't be mad at me for trying to be.

[C]

He'll reach my level someday.

[A]

Children and families, I'll throw in a.

[C]

Quick pole pot just to make you.

[D]

I think there's a restaurant that serves a dish called the pole pot.

[C]

Oh, God. Ribs. A lot of meat. Okay, sorry, sorry.

[A]

Popular ice cream flavor in the world. Vanilla. Vanilla is the.

[C]

I would never.

[A]

Most popular ice cream in the world.

[D]

It's my favorite.

[E]

My favorite.

[A]

China and many European countries, especially popular.

[E]

There you go.

[F]

You like a French or a vanilla bean?

[D]

I like all of it. I do. Yeah. And I don't know that I. If you were to.

[C]

Well, the French vanilla, that's ashes in it from cigarettes. I like that.

[D]

Some armpit hair.

[A]

That's a quality comment right there. That's nice.

[C]

I love. I love vanilla bean.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

French vanilla has egg in it, doesn't it? Is that what?

[F]

Oh, I have no idea. So I'll take it all.

[E]

Yeah, it's all good. I have a world record that you missed.

[C]

Oh, go ahead.

[E]

Logan Paul, the WWE star and social media influencer.

[C]

Is he the boxer?

[E]

Yes.

[F]

Wwe.

[E]

Yeah. But didn't he box somebody?

[D]

The.

[F]

His brother is the box.

[E]

Oh, that's right, Jake. Well, anyway, Logan apparently broke a world record when he sold his 1998 Japanese Pikachu Illustrator. That's a card graded as a PSA Gem Mint 10 for $16.4 million.

[D]

Oh, my gosh.

[E]

It was the only card of its kind to receive the high grade by PSA, which graded 52. Others. Comparatively, they graded five similar cards, the highest being a mint nine grade. So he really made some money on that, I wonder.

[F]

Paid $550,000.

[D]

Oh, he. So, okay, so he bought it. Yes, that's hell.

[F]

But there's a controversy because he sold, like, shares of that card to thousands of people and made like 2 or 3 million dollars off selling shares of the card when he owned it. So I believe he's going to have to pay all these people. He sold shares of the card?

[D]

I mean, that would make sense.

[E]

I wonder what the percentage was that he's going to pay him back?

[F]

I'm not sure, but. But he made it sound like he ain't paying nobody and it's becoming a big thing.

[D]

That's weird.

[C]

Oh, then we'll have a dead influencer. One down, many more to go.

[E]

I knew that would make him mad.

[C]

Yeah, I. Somewhere, I have a notebook full of Pokemon cards.

[E]

Well, you should probably look at.

[C]

I gotta find that thing.

[D]

And the Paul's, they don't need that Pokemon money for. I mean, that's fine that they're getting it, but, I mean, they've got plenty of money from their mom's fish stick business.

[C]

Paul.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, Yeah.

[C]

I never.

[E]

Yeah, I was gonna ask where they came from, and now I know.

[A]

Yes.

[E]

Fishing business.

[A]

Boy, that's a good product.

[E]

Yeah, it is. Have you ever had her clam strips?

[C]

Hold it, hold it.

[A]

I was gonna say, you're not gonna get me next. And I'm the president of Oral Satisfaction. You're not gonna get me to Mrs. Paul's clam strip because you're too busy.

[C]

Licking that gluteal cleft.

[D]

Did you guys know clam strips are one of my favorite, favorite foods? What?

[E]

I knew that.

[A]

Is that right?

[D]

I just love them.

[A]

But what do they taste like?

[E]

They're so good.

[A]

Like snot, right?

[E]

Howard Johnson.

[G]

Yeah, Howard Johnson.

[D]

And I never had the pleasure.

[A]

No.

[D]

The first time I ever had them was at a restaurant.

[A]

56.

[D]

I was at a restaurant called Po Folks. I know. I. I don't know if they were. If Po Folks was nationwide or not, but.

[C]

Yeah, I think so.

[E]

Yeah, I remember them.

[D]

And had clam strips. And, man, I fell in love.

[C]

Are they just in a sandwich or they. No.

[D]

You can get a clam strip, Po Boy.

[A]

But you won't go broke. You won't lose hope. At Po Boat, they had a song. Oh, yeah.

[D]

Wow. Remember they. All their drinks were in Mason jars.

[A]

Yeah. You'll drink out of a Mason jar Party.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

Go to your car.

[A]

In your car.

[G]

Po Folks.

[A]

Po Folks.

[C]

No, I think we've lost control. So. A clam strip.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

They're fried.

[D]

They're fried clams, essentially.

[E]

That's what they are.

[C]

A clam strip. Does something sound like a euphemism?

[F]

Absolutely.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You've got your hoo.

[A]

Ha.

[D]

Your snapper.

[A]

Snapper.

[D]

A lot of seafood euphemisms.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

I wonder why.

[A]

How do you feel about beavage? You like beavage?

[C]

I do like beavage.

[A]

Yeah, I do, too.

[C]

I'm not a fan, though.

[A]

That implies me, not a fan.

[E]

Of Beavich.

[C]

No.

[A]

Oh well. More than three.

[D]

Oh, you're less is more guy down there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of want it to look like a paper cut.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[D]

You know, I didn't think Very understated.

[A]

Smooth as the day is long.

[C]

Couldn't get any worse. I was wrong.

[A]

Eyebrows and hair on your head.

[C]

Is that sports?

[A]

Huh? Was I doing sports or were you doing sports? I forget.

[C]

You just did world running.

[D]

Christie just did that. It's a real mess around here.

[C]

Logan.

[H]

Paul.

[A]

Oh my God. And the Pokemon and you've mispronounced Pokemon. I think Pokemon. However you're going to say it.

[C]

I don't get it at all.

[E]

You don't get Pokemon?

[C]

I mean I bought millions of cards for the.

[A]

Why don't you see if you're any Yours is. You know you could sell.

[C]

Yeah. I hate Jeff. I hate Japanese animation.

[A]

Well that.

[C]

That always have that so sorry.

[A]

Good reason on billions of dollars.

[E]

Yeah. No joke.

[C]

It's not my thing.

[E]

No, but you're sitting on the cards right now.

[C]

I don't know where the I. When they were very popular we bought notebooks. We put them in the. This plastic thing.

[E]

Sure. I bet they're in Lily's garage.

[C]

I hope so.

[A]

If I There was up my ass. You know where they were?

[C]

Huh?

[G]

Stuck in my cleavage.

[C]

My butt cleavage.

[A]

Yeah, my butt Cleaves.

[C]

Gluteal clefts.

[D]

Balance.

[C]

Why don't you go rub yours together while I move on before we take my butts.

[D]

We're too old.

[C]

We're 56.

[A]

Yeah, we're 56. What do you want before we. We'll leave you the with this thought. Then we'll be right back. Back.

[C]

We'll have a nice day and a nice life.

[D]

He sounded so pleasant.

[C]

Oh, we still got that final.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Sorry.

[A]

Sounds final.

[C]

Probably. Probably shouldn't have done it. Never mind. I want to urge everyone to pay attention to me for a moment while I discuss one of my favorite things. Look, there's a picture right there of Josh.

[A]

This thing is. This thing is badass, man.

[C]

It's the aura frame.

[A]

So I get.

[C]

It's sort of like having a little mini billboard. You know those electronic billboards that shift all the time except you load it with photographs. It's a terrific gift. When we first started talking about these on the air, I got one and I have one. When you first walk into my house, it's right there with lots of photographs that rotate. There's a photograph of me with Bob. There's a photograph of Me with my cowboy hat. That's funny. We have a photograph of.

[A]

I'd like two of those pictures.

[C]

There was a photograph of Joe Josh with a bunch of hands on his head. That was weird. Anyways, you can. You don't have to put our photographs on it. Although it would be cool if they had a special Bob and Tom edition. It comes preloaded with.

[D]

People would love it.

[C]

The Aura Frame. A U R A. This is a really cool gift. The Carver Mat frame is their most famous and we have a. We have the one right there. And you can get a special deal on it if you mention the Bob and Tom Show. Unlimited storage. But by the way, and the free storage. You can even put videos on there. You can preload it if you like.

[A]

You can't put videos on there. That's technology they haven't got.

[D]

You can.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

What?

[C]

This is a great gift. Anytime. Once again, it's called the Aura Frame. Name number one by Wirecutter. I didn't think they liked anything at Wirecutter. Every time I read it, that's how great it is. Aura. Go to auraframes.com get all the information for a limited time. Bob and Tom show listeners get 35 bucks off off the best selling Carver Mat frame if you use the code Tom. That's a U R. Auraframes.com these are terrific. It's one of the favorite things we talk about. Look, there's a picture of me with Chewbacca. Look at that. That's unbelievable.

[E]

And your cowboy hat again.

[C]

How did Chewbacca get my cowboy hat?

[D]

That's Lisa Lampinelli.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Oh, there you go.

[C]

Once again, it's Aura. Aura frame. Excuse me. Auraframes.com the code is Tom. Tell them the Bob and Tom show sent you, please. We are going to return to the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios where Ms. Christy Lee will be handling the news duties. And we do have that.

[A]

Whoopee.

[C]

You'll like this. And we have a story about a beer infused with horse semen from the O'Reilly Auto Parts. From the. From the wheelbarrow.

[A]

Tastes kind of funny about waterboarding, huh? Smells like bleach in here.

[C]

Did I mention we were in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios and that this is the Bob and Tom Show?

[H]

For a complete copy of the Bob and Tom show contest rules, go to bobandtom.com contest rules. Or just scroll down to the bottom of the page and see contest rules. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[D]

Rock.

[A]

Look at it. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show.

[C]

Don't get too familiar with this place.

[A]

The O'Reilly Auto Part Studios. There's Christy Lee.

[E]

Hello, Chick.

[A]

Pat Godwin.

[G]

Hey, Chick.

[A]

There's Jeff Oskay.

[F]

Hi, friend.

[A]

There's Josh Arnold on borrowed time.

[D]

What just happened in the green room real quick? Chick is mocking someone.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And I go. I go, who's that? Then he looked at me and goes, who's that? No one is safe.

[A]

And then. And then Josh goes, me too. Ace Cosby. I'm Chick mcgee. Hello, Tom who?

[C]

That's what I was doing back here on Earth.

[A]

He missed it.

[C]

Okay, we got.

[A]

Where's that shirt from? I. I like that shirt.

[C]

I was trying to compliment his anusness over there. And thank you. I wouldn't have gotten that color. Of course. Now we had a. A stupid story about. What was it, like 8,000 people in India having some kind of ice cream eating contest.

[E]

4,000.

[C]

Okay. Sorry.

[D]

Matter.

[C]

They got so many people there. Who's going to. Who's counting?

[A]

Boy, ain't that the truth.

[C]

Do you have the story over there? Because we apparently going to settle an argument.

[A]

Time for a quick sorty. Oh, not that Tora frame. Thousands of school children in India broken the Guinness world record longest chain of people licking ice cream. 4,008 students lined up in two unbroken chains. Each student was given an ice cream cone that they then offered to the person standing beside them. So I said this out of their ass crack.

[D]

Well, wait a second. You may have been editorializing marathon.

[C]

So I assume you licked the cone and handed it to the person next to you, and that was apparently. That's not what happened.

[A]

Well, what did happen?

[C]

Well, I don't know, but Jason says he's got the.

[D]

What happened is. So I'm holding an ice cream cone. Okay, Christy.

[E]

Yep.

[D]

And I'm holding it in front of your face. You lick the ice cream cone. I'm holding.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Tom is holding one and holding it in front of my face. And I'm licking that.

[C]

And that's it?

[A]

Yes, that's it.

[C]

And then. Oh, and then?

[E]

Well, the kids on the end get screwed. They don't get an ice cream.

[G]

That's true.

[C]

Hey, look, one in 4,000. We can lose a couple. No one's really counting. This is the stupidest. So then do you. Then it went. Then do they just finish the cone while holding it for the other person?

[D]

I don't know if they had to finish it. I don't know.

[E]

I don't know.

[C]

And by the way, they were chocolate and vanilla. You'll notice they were like a Neapolitan.

[A]

Oh, they call that what, Tiger stripe or. What did they call that?

[E]

They call it a swirl.

[C]

No, it was stacked, not swirled.

[D]

All right, we can move on.

[A]

I just wanted to go. Did it correct.

[G]

There was chocolate in there.

[A]

Ideal.

[C]

And clarity. What a stupid record.

[D]

Hey, the kids got ice cream at school. That's fun for him.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. But they spend three hours lining up. So they were in the unbroken chain.

[D]

I mean, yeah. I mean, it sucks, but it sucks.

[C]

No, no phones. They're not playing Indian wordle, which is 80. 80 letters. Really? It's a spelling bee thing.

[E]

Our time for our history lesson, Tom.

[A]

No. Isn't the ladies figure skating coming up? And they're trying to push. They're trying to even get more eyeballs on the event. Did you hear about this? They've got posters. There was looking right at Tom when I said that, not at you. So I'm telling.

[D]

Don't take it personally, Christy.

[C]

We're.

[A]

Yeah, we're all.

[F]

In the front.

[C]

Marriage have. Don't take it personally, Christy. We don't have.

[A]

We're all in the crosshair.

[C]

We don't have the kiss.

[A]

Are you 56?

[C]

We have.

[G]

That's what started.

[C]

We have the finger camp.

[F]

Yeah, I started.

[A]

They're calling them. They're calling the competitors Blade Angels. What do you think?

[C]

No, dumb.

[A]

Look at that.

[E]

So they're pretty.

[C]

I kind of like it.

[A]

Blade.

[C]

You like the name Blade Angels?

[D]

It sounds like a 1970s Pam Greer.

[A]

Get you, sucker.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. More like a. More like a. A cop show.

[A]

Remember Jim Brown's movie Gun? Oh, yeah.

[D]

One and. Or two.

[A]

One gone. I had to say Gun.

[C]

Huh. Well, are they. So the Blade Angels is a thing. Is that the name of them?

[A]

Yeah, it's a poster and everything. It's going to catch the Angels tonight.

[E]

It's just promoting the ladies figure skating.

[C]

Is that what gets the most ratings?

[E]

I believe so, yes.

[A]

Historically.

[C]

Did you see the. The thing where they call it the skeleton?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Where it's actually. It's actually smaller than going down on a cafeteria tray. That is pretty badass.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

When you. When you start to do that, do they. Did they start you like. Like 300ft up the thing so you don't have to. I mean, you can't do that for the first time. Although you'd kill yourself. You would.

[D]

But, I mean.

[C]

But the shoot doesn't contain you. Right? I mean, if you screw up, you go flying over the side.

[A]

You mean your butt?

[D]

I think you would Flip first, which would be awful.

[A]

But I would be afraid to go out the top. It doesn't. Yeah.

[D]

It seems curved enough to where it won't throw you out.

[C]

But if you've ever done one of those water slides.

[D]

Yeah, exactly. It feels like you get real close.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And those have at least a roof on them. Right. So if you.

[D]

Not always. Well, yeah.

[E]

Boy, those are fun.

[A]

And that doesn't save you sometimes.

[C]

And there can't be more than a handful of those luges in the whole world. Right, Right. The courses that they do that on. There's one on Lake Placid, obviously.

[A]

And here's Pat Godwin. I'm a loser.

[C]

Oh, that's me now.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, Pat deserved that. He's just sitting there, having complimented your shoes and your shirt, desperately trying to make Chick happy.

[D]

Have you heard about the Lonesome Loser?

[C]

Oh, God, I hate that song.

[A]

Oh, you do hate it.

[D]

He's a loser, but he still keeps on trying.

[C]

Pathetic lyric. Just awful.

[D]

Wait, I mean, what's pathetic? Because you don't like the character of the lonesome loser. He's sad.

[C]

Oh, who would walk up to someone and say that? Have you heard about the Lonesome? Go to hell.

[E]

So all of your songs, you would walk up to people and just say things to. Like. It's just terrible spells or what? What are you doing?

[C]

It's terrible writing.

[E]

Yeah.

[G]

Listen to those harmonies.

[C]

Oh, it's. It's great singing. Utterly meaningless. That's him.

[G]

That's him.

[D]

It's about perseverance. It's about.

[C]

No, it's about some guy. They were. Some guy had a great melody and they say, I've got to go take a dump. Hey, will you write the lyrics for this while you're in there?

[E]

The guy's been heartbroken. All this.

[D]

The only Little River Band misstep was happy and affairs.

[G]

Oh, my gosh, you're right.

[C]

No, no, that isn't the only one. There are several.

[G]

I think reminiscing is pretty brilliant.

[D]

Yeah, I do, too.

[A]

Little river reminiscing.

[C]

Yeah, I realize now I hate them.

[D]

You may not be a fan.

[C]

It's not for me.

[A]

I was dreaming of the.

[C]

Excuse me. Pardon me. Is it time for news?

[E]

No, we don't have time now.

[C]

Oh, boy.

[E]

And we didn't get to history, so.

[A]

It'S your own fault.

[E]

It's your fault.

[C]

Yeah, we have time to lecture. We have time to do a little bit of history.

[A]

Page your bed, you got to sleep in it.

[D]

Reap what you sell. Or is it so what you read.

[A]

So what?

[C]

I. I can't even find.

[A]

I can't even find.

[C]

What is today's. What is today's date?

[E]

February 17th.

[C]

Oh, here we go. Here we go. Oh, this, this is a big day. Oh, well, it was the birthday of the late, great Jim Brown, the world's greatest NFL player of all time.

[A]

What they say. Yeah.

[D]

And star of God.

[C]

He was also in the Dirty Dozen.

[D]

Oh, he's in a ton of movies.

[A]

What about gun?

[D]

Is he in Two Minute Warning? Ever see that with Charles Neston?

[A]

Maybe. So maybe we.

[C]

We actually spoke to him.

[A]

Is he in Friday Night? What is it? Sunday?

[C]

What is it?

[D]

Black Sunday?

[A]

Black Sunday. Sunday Blimp.

[D]

He's in Mars Attacks. He is? Yeah.

[A]

Isn't he like Secretary of State or something?

[D]

No, he's like. He's addressed it as like an Egyptian pharaoh.

[A]

That's right. I thought it was Terry Tate or somebody.

[C]

Lou Diamond Phillips. That's such a cool name.

[D]

Yeah. You did?

[E]

Yeah, him and Keith Kefer Sutherland were sitting at the table.

[D]

Was it during Young Guns or Young Guns Too?

[E]

It was a long time ago. When were we out there? God.

[A]

Wow.

[E]

Long time.

[A]

Go ahead.

[E]

Chicks.

[C]

Oh, here's a good one. Friend of the show. Happy birthday, Larry the Cable Guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Happy birthday, Dan. Behind the curtain. Those who know.

[A]

No, I know his real name from New Hampshire.

[C]

Happy birthday. 1991. The great Ed Sheeran.

[E]

Oh, he's awesome.

[C]

He's. He is terrific.

[D]

The shape of your body a proof that a great voice can overcome a cockeye. Any ugliness that you may have. Because he's not traditionally a handsome man. So many women want to.

[A]

Red hair, cross eyed. Yeah.

[C]

Miles Standish, elected the first commander of Plymouth Colony in 1621.

[D]

Plymouth Colony.

[C]

Didn't.

[D]

We didn't land on Plymouth Colony.

[A]

Plymouth Colony. Well, was that next to Dodge Colony and down the road from Ford Plymouth.

[D]

Oh. Cause they're cars on the table. That's right.

[C]

1934. Amos E. Neyhart teaches the first driver's ed class in the United States at a high school in Pennsylvania.

[D]

What year?

[C]

1934. I wonder if he was also the gym teacher.

[A]

He did everything. If there's someone named. If there's someone named Andy in this story, just skip over.

[C]

Yeah, okay, sorry. Lastly, in 1972, sales of the Volkswagen Beetle exceeded that of the Ford Model T. Hmm. That exciting. Gary Kasparov defeats Deep Blue 4 to 2 in a game of chess in 1996.

[A]

That was a computer.

[D]

Well, those days are over. Oh, yeah.

[C]

Now.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, now it's have you seen the latest video that we all were watching? The robots.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Is that real or is that a.

[A]

Yeah, I'm assured that it's real.

[C]

Humanoid robots, they call them. Yes, we have a story earlier in the year about the ones that fell over in Russia. Yeah.

[E]

These guys are in China and they're not falling over.

[C]

No, the two guys, the two guys that made the one in Russia. We'd like to say good morning to them if they have reception at the Gulag. Those guys are turning ice into cubes with a small mallet and no jacket right now. Coming up, no jacket. We have. We have semen injected beer, ladies and gentlemen, but it's not as weird as you think. It's horse semen.

[D]

Oh, well, in that case, give me two.

[C]

Yeah. I say nay. These are the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[H]

Hey, thanks for listening this morning. Got something to say? Send us an email. Bob and Tom, Bob and Tom dot com.

[A]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. There's Josh Arnold.

[C]

Hey, Trickster, I have a favor.

[A]

There's Christy Lee.

[E]

Hi.

[A]

Keep it to yourself. There's Pat Godwin.

[D]

Hello.

[A]

There's Jeff Osuke.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

Ace Cosby's here. Hey, I'm Chick. What can I do for you? Tom?

[C]

Let's just say you're a loyal listener to this program.

[A]

I'm a loyal listener.

[C]

Someone throws out a kind of real quickie reference that sort of gets buried.

[E]

I do it every day.

[C]

Do us a favor, write us a letter going, okay, Josh, I heard that. No one in there noticed it.

[E]

We get it every day.

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

No one in there noticed it, but we heard you squeeze it in there. Okay. All right. That's all I'm asking. There have been some pretty obscure references today here on the Bob and Tom program.

[D]

There have been some good ones.

[C]

And we certainly appreciate your letters. You can write us anytime. Bob and tom. Bob and tom.com.

[A]

We'D love to hear reference for you. You ready? How about that for you, huh? Okay, just sit on that and rotate. How about that?

[C]

Very good. I haven't heard that for a while now. You were talking while I was going up early. You had something about the beef. Was it the beef injection?

[A]

Hot beef injection.

[C]

A hot beef injection. This is a slang term from what, the seventies?

[A]

Smothered in underwear? Is that what we said?

[D]

Yeah, yeah. That's the old.

[C]

That was a common expression.

[E]

Yes.

[C]

And can you use it in a Sentence for me.

[A]

Do you want some of this tube steak smothered in underwear.

[E]

Perfect.

[C]

And that works on these ladies?

[A]

You hang a hot beef injection.

[D]

Yes.

[E]

In fifth grade.

[C]

Doesn't work on anybody.

[D]

Yeah. We've had a couple women write in and say hot beef injection works for them.

[E]

We have a letter this morning from Margaret in Texas that her husband's been saying for 50 years, nickname Peggy. Yeah.

[D]

But I don't know if a wife has ever said, honey, will you please inject me with that hot beef? It seems unlikely.

[C]

Yeah. And if she did, I, I would.

[E]

Would you laugh if Kelly said that to you or would you go, yeah.

[C]

What would you do? I would realize that I was living in some dream world and that this, this must be the phase before they bury me because this, this is an o. Alternate reality.

[D]

Do you guys have a code word?

[E]

Like you want to go snuggle?

[D]

Like I've, you know. Yeah.

[C]

The answer is no.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

No. Do you have a code word?

[A]

The sex trucks pulling up.

[D]

I had a code word in one relationship. We were make. Oh boy, I'm setting myself up here. I was making a frozen pizza.

[A]

Of course.

[D]

And she and I decided to see if we could finish before the pizza was done.

[C]

Oh.

[D]

And eventually the smoke alarm went off.

[C]

Wait, this is. This has got to be in a movie. This is great.

[D]

And, and from then on we call. We would say, hey, do you want to burn a pizza?

[E]

That sounds great.

[C]

That's pretty good. That is really fun.

[D]

So that was our boy.

[A]

What a heartwarming.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

What?

[D]

What?

[C]

Now see, the beauty of that is that the, the lovemaking was. It wasn't a hurried and rushed. Yeah.

[D]

And we.

[C]

It was great. And then, wait, this could be a meet cute. And then the fire, the fire department arrives and one of the firemen ends up. Ends up burying your girlfriend. And you're, you're, you're there. You're there with a half burned down house. No pizza.

[D]

Have you.

[E]

I was going to say loser.

[C]

That's kind of cute. No, I. We don't have any.

[E]

You don't have anything like that?

[C]

No. God.

[F]

Do you, Chrissy?

[E]

No, we. I mean, I would imagine we don't have kids or anything. So we just go, hey, people who.

[D]

Have kids in the house must say something.

[C]

No. Do you have about this on a different note? With. Without irrespective of the. Where you're going to end up? Do you say you're at an event and you want to get the hell out.

[A]

Would you qualify this a little More.

[C]

I'm trying to get it off the topic of intimate sexual activities. Yeah, again, I was trying to clean it up, and I failed.

[E]

So you're at an event, and you want to.

[C]

You want to get the hell out. Do you have a code word?

[E]

No.

[D]

Oh, like, we got to. Hey, I think we got to feed the dog. That kind of thing.

[C]

Yeah, like a way to say to.

[D]

Your couple or your. Your loved one.

[E]

No, I'm like, chick, I'm the master of the Irish goodbye. I just disappear.

[C]

Love it, love it. Just disappear.

[A]

And it's been proven that you live longer if you practice the Irish goodbye.

[C]

Oh, did. I didn't know that.

[E]

I didn't know that either.

[C]

There's no code.

[E]

Like, do you have a code?

[C]

Yeah. I say, oh, hey, I just got a text. The house is burning down.

[D]

Oh, you go way.

[C]

Yeah, that way.

[E]

Boy, that's pretty up there.

[C]

No.

[A]

So I guess my code is, hey, I'm in the car. Yeah. And we're gone. We're done.

[C]

No, we promised the story.

[E]

Well, we're gonna. First of all, we're gonna bring you up to speed on a story we had yesterday that you missed. It's called.

[D]

This is infuriating.

[E]

Josh was really upset. So let's say you're dating, and then the dating apps aren't working for you, so you start actually dating an app, so to speak.

[D]

You know, we've heard of these people. They start dating an A.I.

[E]

Right. An AI. AI boyfriend. Well, hell's Kitchen now has a restaurant for you and your AI Partner. That's right. You can bring along your phone or tablet and set it up in a romantic setting as if they were both there at the same table. Yes.

[C]

So wait a minute.

[A]

Wait. How about that, Tom? Talk about a meet queue.

[E]

It's called the Same. Same Wine bar, and it's filled with patrons at this particular evening sitting at table cables for 1. Ish. With their tech devices propped up on a stand to actually interact with their virtual partners.

[C]

So wait a minute. So you're talking to a computer.

[E]

You're talking to your AI Boyfriend.

[D]

So it's not even like you're talking to a girlfriend who lives a thousand miles away. This is a robot?

[E]

Yes.

[C]

Out loud.

[E]

Oh, you wear headsets. Yeah. You have to wear headsets so that other people can't hear you talk. Talking, apparently.

[C]

No, but you're still. You're talking out loud, Right. So the waiter comes up, and you go, I'll be having a. A glass of wine. She'd like a USB, 3 watts of power and a USB C injection. Ridiculous.

[E]

I knew you would love it.

[C]

I'm sorry. Where's this place?

[E]

This is in Hell's Kitchen in New York City. This is from the New York Post. Yeah.

[C]

So I'm not a fan.

[D]

No, no, we can't.

[C]

I just saw a thing about. I was on the plane yesterday reading some woman, she met her soul mate and it was. It was her computer talking to her. And the computer would say, meet me at the. This beach. You know, you're going to meet your soulmate. And it said, go to this beach at this time time on this day. And she goes. And the person's not there, of course, because it's her computer.

[D]

Oh, my.

[C]

She's some total weirdo.

[A]

Weirdo.

[C]

Oh. She said it was telling her about her past lives. As soon as I hear that, I'm out.

[F]

I tried dating an AI chick. She said my RAM wasn't large enough for a larger cpu.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

That always the way.

[E]

Oh, gosh.

[C]

Well, that'd be cool if they. What's the name of the restaurant again?

[E]

It's called Same Same Wine bar.

[C]

Could they make an effort to sterilize all their customers?

[E]

Well, I don't think you have to worry about them reproducing if they're having a relationship with a computer.

[C]

You know something? I take it back. You. You raise a very good point. What else is coming up?

[E]

Coming up, we have some new words from the Cambridge dictionary, folks.

[D]

I love these.

[E]

A guy.

[C]

These. Some of these are so stupid. I think they just make them up. I don't think anybody uses any of these right now. Here's a word for you. I believe this is all francais. Rougier, R U, G, I E, T. It's about getting rougiet ready, which is. I'll give the. The lowdown on this is sometimes, let's face it, we have a lot of stresses in life. And gents, sometimes I can follow you into the bedroom. So this might be called just a live assist. Yeah, that's. How about that? Rougiette. What is. What am I talking about? This is in the world of Ed. And Rougiette has been developed by physicians and scientists to help you in the bedroom. A lot of products out there, of course, that do this these days. This is a next generation prescription treatment designed to help with blood flow to your brain, et cetera, et cetera. So you get complete arousal, if you will. Most men ready in about 15 minutes with rug. Yet it's kind of a mint you put under your tongue 15 minutes later. For most guys you're in business. Over 150,000 men have tried Rougiet. I'm going to spell it because it's a little confusing. It's R u g I E T Rougiet and getting started. A simple rougette connects you to a doctor online and go through a couple questions and you may be a candidate. And then it will be shipped directly and discreetly to wherever you want it shipped to your door, et cetera, et cetera. For limited time only, go to rougiette.com bobandtom to knock 15% off your order. And once again, it's R u g I e t rug. R u g I e t rug yet.com bobatom 15% off and be sure to tell them the Bob and Tom show sent you. That helps us. Once again, rug yet they like to say it's time to take back your health. Individual results may vary. Rougette ready. Like I said, it's a compounded prescription with and it's not FDA approved. So find out how you feel about it by visiting rougette.com for all these safety information. R u G I e t rougiet.com a special special prescription for you. We come back with the horse. I think we're finally going to get to this horse story. It involves horse semen, of course, and a beer. The O'Reilly Auto Parts Studio is where we are. And this is the Bob and Tom Showman's auditorium.

[A]

Hey, how about this?

[C]

I win.

[A]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show.

[E]

No, we were playing a game.

[A]

We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts studios. Think O'Reilly Auto Parts. For all your car care needs, needs. Get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. There's Christy Lee.

[E]

Hey, Chick. Do you ever lose, Tom? That's what I'd like to know.

[C]

You don't have time.

[A]

There's Jeff Oskay. There's Josh Arnold.

[D]

Hi.

[A]

Ace Cosby. Look, I'm Chick McGee.

[C]

Question co worker of the answer. Has this ever happened to you? You go to a restaurant and.

[D]

Oh, autograph hounds.

[C]

You say, I hate to interrupt your dinner, but we're gonna, we're gonna have a couple salads and we're gonna split the so and so fish.

[E]

Uhhuh.

[C]

And then go. Well, there's a nine dollar plating fee.

[D]

Oh, I, Yeah, I just don't, I don't go to those places.

[C]

Have you heard? I was really?

[E]

Why would you go there?

[C]

I didn't know. I thought that. Isn't that staggering?

[D]

Yeah, it's not, it's. But you'll find it at your nicer places.

[C]

I eat at a lot of nice places.

[A]

They don't need you hillbillies coming in there not affording a whole.

[D]

I'm with you. I don't get mad at the restaurant. I go, oh no, this just isn't for me.

[A]

It's like when you went to that really nice restaurant and you were stupid enough to leave your hat on and the hostess had to come over and go, sir, could you remove your baseball cap app.

[C]

Chick. Was that just happened.

[E]

Oh, that did, yeah.

[C]

Oh, they think they're much fancier than the quality of their food.

[E]

Is that somewhere near.

[A]

I disagree. If I could.

[C]

Yeah, I didn't. That's a. They have a name for it. A plating.

[E]

Yes, I've heard of it.

[D]

This happened in Veil.

[C]

That's the best part of it, actually. No, but the. Okay, but that would be typical. But I wanted to say.

[A]

Sorry to bother you.

[C]

Actually, I'll tell you what, instead of charging for the $9 for the plate, we'll just pass it back and forth. Yeah.

[E]

No joke.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about plating.

[A]

Right.

[E]

Just put it on your salad plate after.

[D]

You can just not say we're going to share it, you know? Right. That's that. But.

[C]

Oh, I never thought.

[D]

Now I do kind of get an uncorking fee. Hey, look, if you're not going to buy a bottle of wine here, you're bringing in your.

[E]

Yeah, of course we're going to kind of.

[D]

Yeah. But again, I don't go to those places because.

[C]

How about. How about an unwrapping fee? By the way, I brought by brought in a filet o fish because it's better than the crap you're serving here for 40 bucks.

[A]

Have you ever taken a sandwich into a movie from a. From a fast food.

[E]

You mean like.

[D]

No, the movie theater. When I worked at. I was in the cinema business and when I worked, we would occasionally. If like, let's say I got off at 10 o' clock and there was a 10:30 showing and I wanted to watch it, I would occasionally go to Taco Bell and then bring that into the theater. Even though part of my job was to keep people from doing that, I was above the law because I was. I worked there.

[E]

Have you ever sat down in the theater and the people sit down next to you, have a full course meal that they've brought in? Yeah, I've had that happen.

[D]

It can be a problem. Yeah, I had. I mean, people would bring in buckets of chicken.

[E]

Yeah, that was hilar.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

These people had everything in aluminum foil. They had barbecue.

[D]

I ignored it. I was not. I was a really good usher, but for that I. I was really. Because I got it. Sometimes you don't want to spend a ton of money, but the theaters aren't.

[C]

Going to be able to stay open if they can't keep selling the expensive popcorn.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You're against the places that serve food.

[D]

I am. I am.

[E]

Oh, you mean the theater.

[D]

Yes. Yeah. I don't want servers refilling sodas and stuff, milling about. Yeah, yeah. I don't care for it, but I'm a theater purist.

[C]

Well, now, Pat, we've been talking a lot about the Olympics. The coverage is absolutely amazing. The drones and the cameras on track. It's incredible, and it's very exciting. But I understand that you've developed a song about the Olympics.

[G]

I'm a Lia. I'm a Lia. I don't skate, I don't ski. Of all the events that go really fast the Lugia's one that you swear ran on gas I go head first down an ice covered hill Made sure I first signed a living will I'm on the loser going 90 and 25 degrees I'm a loser. I don't skate, I don't ski.

[C]

Thank you very much.

[D]

I Misstep by the Beatles.

[G]

Yes.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

No, I agree.

[D]

You don't like that song Lonesome Loser is way better than I'm a Loser. Oh, God, it is.

[A]

No, no, it simply is.

[E]

You're just biased because you love everything the Beatles did.

[C]

Well, that's because they're significantly better.

[D]

Well, they may overall be better than you don't.

[C]

Like I'm a loser.

[D]

I don't know. But I mean, I think you like Octopus's Garden. I do. And I can't. I can't help it. I know. I just can't help.

[F]

I remember when I was a kid and I found the Beatles. I went to my dad, I was like, do you like the Beatles? And he goes, God, no. I go, really? And he goes, no, I don't like, like boy bands.

[G]

He wasn't wrong.

[A]

What?

[E]

He like girl bands. What?

[D]

He.

[F]

No, apparently he was not a fan. He. He viewed them like a 98 degrees or a.

[D]

Or even Village People. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's a little. Sometimes your dad is a little too macho. Yeah. It's like okay to like men.

[F]

When I found It. I was like, oh, this is amazing. Do you like them? He's like.

[C]

What did he like? Sinatra?

[F]

He listened to a lot of like Deep Purple and the Doors.

[C]

Moody Blues.

[D]

Cool. Those kind.

[E]

My parents. What did your parents listen to?

[C]

Primarily Broadway show tune stuff.

[E]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

That explains a lot.

[A]

Matt Monroe.

[C]

But they didn't listen to. My parents did not listen to a lot of music.

[E]

See, my parents, you know, my mom was older or young enough to be cool about, you know, the Stones and stuff. Stuff they had, she had Dean Martin and my dad was real into Johnny Cash and Roger Miller.

[C]

My dad, my dad loved Johnny.

[E]

Yeah, so did my dad. And then my mom was all about Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra.

[A]

Dang me.

[E]

Take a rope and hang me.

[C]

Roger Miller.

[E]

My dad loved Roger Miller.

[D]

Woman, don't you weep for me.

[E]

And Johnny Rivers. He loved Johnny.

[C]

I love Johnny. This is an argument we always. I love Johnny Rivers.

[D]

I do too.

[E]

I do too.

[C]

Had a bad encounter.

[A]

Ruins.

[C]

Wants this plaster on. Ruin it for everybody.

[A]

Y.

[F]

What does he say?

[G]

Secret.

[D]

Secret agent man.

[A]

Slow dancing. Sway into the music.

[D]

Midnight special. Yeah, cool stuff.

[C]

Summer Rain. I love Everybody was playing Sgt.

[D]

Pepper, two disc greatest hits.

[C]

Really?

[D]

Yeah, I, I'm. I, I love him.

[E]

Oh boy.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[D]

I'm sad that he was mean to you.

[E]

Yeah, me too.

[D]

I'd like to know what you said.

[E]

Well, yeah, I was gonna say.

[C]

Just a second here. Did he meet today? Chick? Yeah. Did he, he meet. Did he meet Post. I don't know.

[A]

What could he have said?

[C]

Post. Post. 8:15. Chick. And he said, hi, I'm Johnny Rivers. I like the coach you're wearing in. Chick went, yeah, go to hell.

[D]

Did he meet. Redskins lost.

[A]

Chick Just, just wanted to reach out. Dear Bob and Top Show. Just wanted to reach out and let you guys know the fire department should be there any moment because there has to be a gas leak in the studio. Only affecting Chick. What the hell is going on? That's William Hawkins. They call him the Hawk.

[D]

Yeah, that's a cool nickname.

[C]

Ah, did you guys talk about the Hawk while I was gone?

[D]

We talk about how good that new Ethan Hawke movie is.

[E]

Oh, no, everybody hates it.

[D]

I haven't seen it.

[A]

Yeah, he talks like this. The whole thing. You know what I said?

[E]

Weird. I admit.

[D]

He's a damn good actor.

[E]

Yeah, so.

[A]

But is he though?

[D]

I think so.

[E]

You know, I don't think Ethan Hawke's a good.

[G]

Something about him.

[A]

He's got an E on the end of his hawk. Okay.

[G]

He is, but he should never be interviewed because that taints his acting.

[D]

I stay away from those. I agree with you. And. And the three movies that I think are some of the most overrated movies in the history of cinema. And anybody who tells me them like they like, I have Tom syndrome. When they tell me that they love them, I go, no, you.

[C]

You don't.

[D]

You're pretending.

[E]

What three movies?

[D]

Those. The midnight movie, the Before Midnight. The sunrise. Yeah, Before Sunrise.

[E]

Before.

[D]

You cannot. Those are nothing.

[E]

I'm glad I missed them.

[A]

See, I don't. I feel that way about Boyhood. I just like. Why? Why is what?

[C]

That's the one that was filmed over.

[D]

25 years, but then Richard Linklater made Daisy, Confused, School of Rock, and Bernie.

[C]

All three amazing.

[D]

Yeah, Slacker.

[C]

I like Boyhood.

[A]

Let's.

[C]

Let's get back to the important thing about horse semen. We have in the news.

[D]

Horse semen.

[E]

A New Zealand pub once made international headlines.

[A]

Doesn't that sound like a German bobsleigh? Horst Semen.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yes, I am German.

[E]

A New Zealand pub once made international headlines for serving a beer brewed with an unusual ingredient. Yes. Well, horsemen. Yes. Yeah. The Green man pub in Wellington introduced the limited run Stag semen stout around 2015 as a specialty release. At the time, local reaction was a mix of curiosity and they had a lot of this and outright yes discussed. Some adventurous patrons reportedly lined up to try it and treated it as a badge of honor.

[C]

This is like, to me, like the hot spring sauce thing.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

You know your buddy.

[E]

Hey, I bet you can't eat.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Hey, this beer has horse seam in it. Oh, toughen up.

[E]

And others dismissed it as a gimmick that crossed the line from quirky craft brewing into shock value.

[C]

Was it a beer or a cream ale?

[D]

Oh, yes. I wonder if it was visible.

[A]

Oh, like floating.

[E]

Oh, God.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

It was mostly head.

[E]

The stunt succeeded in driving global media attention, but the beer itself did not stick around.

[A]

I am Mr. Head.

[E]

It was discontinued after its limited run and has not returned to production.

[A]

By the way, wait a minute. What is this story about?

[D]

So the update is it's not coming back. Okay.

[A]

I will strangle you, leave you on the side of the road.

[E]

We're doing a story that's.

[D]

You know, I for one am glad to hear it's not returning.

[C]

The whole thing was they did this big thing thinking it was going to be really successful and it bombed.

[E]

So 11 years later, we're just an.

[C]

Article about 11 year old story. No, the story isn't 11 years old. It's the Currently. They're not making it anymore.

[E]

Currently.

[D]

And we have a story about Circuit City coming up.

[G]

Christy, when did they quit?

[E]

It was discontinued after its limited run and has not returned to production.

[A]

It's every bit 11 years old.

[D]

We quit in 2015. We just want you to admit that this morning you just wanted to talk about.

[E]

You looked up horse semen, and it made.

[A]

And to be honest, it made your mouth.

[C]

Well, you know what a gay horse is.

[B]

Hey, that's.

[D]

That's one of the classics.

[C]

I love it.

[A]

I love that joke.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Where the seaman came from is named Logan.

[D]

Logan.

[F]

Logan, the Seaman horse Logan.

[E]

Oh, no, I'm sorry. It's Lagoon.

[C]

That's what they had to make a lot of. Beer. Finally, a beer that. A beer that makes Zima seem more masculine.

[E]

May I? Thank you. Thank you for calling him out on this.

[A]

Why? Are you going to do this story next week, too? Yeah, still not coming out.

[C]

The update was.

[G]

There's no update.

[E]

Yes, there is.

[C]

Not enough.

[E]

It quit in 2015.

[G]

Done.

[C]

What is the thought process?

[A]

You.

[C]

Well, here's an update.

[D]

I want to know what wrestling match was on that. Sam had to just send this.

[C]

Way behind.

[G]

He was at the Lego store.

[D]

Just send him the horse.

[A]

Here's what I think of this story.

[C]

Update.

[A]

That's everybody. That's every male member of Josh's family vomiting. Did you know that Tom. He did this while you were gone?

[D]

I mean, we're. We are the. We're the loud. Loudest. We will wake people up. And we're not. We don't mean to.

[A]

Loud.

[D]

Loud vomiting while vomiting.

[C]

This is a common occurrence at your home.

[D]

I mean.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Growing up with four boys, there was always. There were always things flying around.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

All right.

[C]

You. Whatever the. Whatever the contest was, you win.

[G]

Did Tom here.

[D]

The snoring.

[C]

I don't want to hear that again.

[G]

Oh, no, you need to hear this time.

[A]

Oh, it's gone. I don't know where it went. What?

[C]

The Jess Hooker snoring?

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

What's that? That's you.

[F]

Sorry.

[C]

So sorry.

[F]

Oh, here we go.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's just Jess.

[C]

We.

[A]

We combined them.

[C]

This is Jess Hooker. Sori.

[D]

Now, we played this for Christy. She had. We didn't tell her what it was or anything. And will you please tell Tom what your guess was?

[E]

And I said it like this because I was embarrassed. Is this a really fat man snoring.

[D]

There?

[A]

It is.

[E]

Call of the Whales.

[C]

Wow, that is really something.

[A]

Is that something you could.

[E]

How did they record that?

[C]

This could be put into some kind of a hip hop thing. That's what I said.

[H]

Yeah.

[D]

It's interesting.

[C]

Like. Like a rap.

[A]

Just hold your phone up or even.

[D]

Did you guys see that tool? One of my favorite bands. You fan, Jeff?

[F]

Yeah, about the Sphere. Oh yeah.

[D]

They are considering a Sphere residency for. And the question isn't if I'll go, it's how many times.

[C]

I have been to the Sphere. I highly recommend it. Christie's. I went to see the Eagles there and I think they just added two shows and a couple weeks ago Don Henley said this is it.

[D]

Well, this Tool one is actually going to rock.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, I see.

[G]

Oh, it's going to pass away.

[C]

I see. That's fine. Peaceful and easy feeling normally merely. Gosh, merely the number. The number one sellings. The number one selling single album of all time. The Eagles greatest is more than Thriller.

[A]

Are you working my side of the street there?

[C]

Take it easy now for the. For the tool. For the visuals on the. On the. At the Sphere. Will they just have like a variety of tools?

[D]

Yes, they'll show Hammers and I. I.

[C]

Understand Bob Vila will be opening up once again. Silly obscure references of the day. I would love to have Bob Vila on the show. He was my hero.

[G]

No, he passed away.

[C]

Didn't. No, he didn't.

[D]

And was that his last real last name? House in a different language?

[C]

Yeah, He was just a local guy doing this show. Would have took off on people PBS in any event.

[D]

No, I remember watching this.

[A]

Norm was a real star.

[C]

I met him.

[D]

He did all the work, didn't he? Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Hey, Tom. Met him. No.

[C]

Anyways, it was fun.

[A]

It was cool.

[D]

It was Norm, his real name. He's just being a normal guy, you know.

[C]

I think you're right though because Chick, it's much like man, the. On the old days of that was that show, the Animal Kingdom show with the old guy, what was it?

[E]

Marlon.

[C]

Marlon Perkins. Perkins, yeah. Marlon Perkins was just. He's in back. Back in the range. Back in the Range Rover.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And the other guys out there with the 40 foot anaconda, he's going a Mutual of Omaha. As you can see, Bill's out there.

[A]

Being strangled by the anaconda. He did have that high voice like that, didn't he? Yeah. It's time for you not to get wrapped up in worries.

[C]

Mutual of A. I love that show.

[A]

We all want peace of mind, don't we Tom?

[E]

Yes, we do.

[A]

That's where Simplisafe comes in. Did you know that my home safe. The compound is Secure because I use Simplisafe and so easy to set up. And we use Simplisafe here at the bottom top studios as well. Plus, you know, Simplisafe. The traditional security systems take action after somebody's already broken in. Talk about shutting the barn door.

[C]

We.

[A]

Well, Simplisafe has active guard outdoor protection that helps prevent break ins before they happen. AI powered cameras backed by live professional monitoring agents monitor your property and detect suspicious activity. If someone's lurking or acting suspicious like those agents, see and talk to them in real time. Activate spotlights, even call the police. All before they have a chance to get inside your home. No long term contracts or cancellation fees. Monitoring plans start around a dollar a day 60 day satisfaction guarantee. And oh, by the way, Simplisafe name best home security system by U.S. news World Report five years in a row. And also ranked number one in customer service by both Newsweek and USA Today. So why wait? Protect your home now and enjoy. 50% off a new Simplisafe system with professional monitoring. Just go to simplisafetom.com 50% off. That's simplisafetom.com there's no safe like Simplisafe.

[C]

Oh, we have a bulletin over here. Here we go. This just in. Stag Semen stout is no longer being.

[E]

Made as of 2015.

[C]

You know what they say, great taste, less Philly.

[G]

It was all worth.

[C]

Worth it.

[D]

Totally worth it.

[C]

Semen injected beer. So you guys are mad that I brought this story back to.

[E]

Yes.

[C]

Sorry, this just in. Franklin Delano Roosevelt no longer breathing and.

[A]

We'Re not even talking about. You talked all morning. You talked about this horse beer.

[E]

You notice I kept my mouth shut. I was like, well, okay. Well, you did.

[D]

Until you didn't.

[C]

Would you. If we brought some of this in here, would you drink it?

[E]

We can't. I don't have to worry about it because it's not made anymore.

[D]

I don't think I would try it. I honestly don't.

[E]

I don't think I would either.

[D]

That's squeamish. But.

[A]

Well, aren't you worried about getting hoof and mouth disease?

[D]

Yes.

[C]

And you didn't want to do the story.

[A]

I still don't.

[E]

I'm just curious as to why you picked it. Like you had to have come in here and sat down and went, oh, I know there's a story about.

[C]

I was researching something else and that story popped up. So then I went, I went online and I wanted to find out if they were still making it.

[E]

Gotcha. Okay.

[C]

And I found an article about how this pub had tried this and it didn't take off. You know, sometimes we do stories about the good.

[E]

I didn't.

[C]

Adventures. Adventures that failed.

[E]

You didn't, like, wake up because you had a dream about horse semen or something? No. Okay.

[A]

You want to make love to a horse?

[C]

That would have been a different take on the Godfather. He woke up, and not only was the horse's head in bed with him, but he was covered in seed.

[E]

Oh, jeez, Those.

[C]

Those Mafia guys really know how to.

[D]

We gave him a he couldn't refuse.

[C]

And you didn't want to do the story. We'll return with more or less. These are the O'Reilly Auto Part Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[H]

Hey, thanks for listening to the Bob and Tom show this morning. Get a look at today's show on our YouTube channel.

[C]

Nice job.

[A]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Top Show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Chrissy Lee at the news desk.

[C]

Desk.

[A]

There's Pat Godwin. Hello, Jeff Osk. Josh Arnold. Hello, Ace Cosby. I'm Chick mcgee. Hello, Tom. How are you, buddy?

[C]

Giddy up. It's time for horse semen beer. Yeah.

[A]

Here we go.

[E]

Leave this alone.

[C]

Do you ever say giddy up to anybody?

[A]

Yeah, every now and then, sure.

[E]

If I'm riding a horse, maybe.

[C]

Giddy up.

[E]

Giddy up. Yeah, I don't know.

[A]

If I say giddy up, I'll say giddy up. Giddy up.

[C]

That sounds like a sex term. I gave her the old giddy up.

[A]

And he's back.

[E]

Yeah, he is. Names of bands and sex moves.

[C]

We have. We have Christy Lee right over here.

[E]

Words.

[C]

Oh, you got. Oh, this is gonna make me mad.

[D]

And, Joe, I love these.

[C]

Cambridge.

[A]

Do this if it makes you mad.

[D]

Remember, language is a living organism.

[E]

My friends, Cambridge Dictionary has updated its database to include the following new words.

[A]

All right?

[E]

Treat. Anomics.

[C]

Okay, think about that. What do you think that means?

[A]

Is that the industry of treats.

[D]

It's the budget you have for certain treats that you spend on yourself.

[C]

Close. You're close.

[E]

An economic trend where people buy small, inexpensive treats during times when living costs are high and they cannot afford bigger purchases.

[C]

Okay, so in other words, look, I can't pay my rent, but I'm going.

[A]

To go have a Clark Bar and some Star Crunch.

[C]

No one's going to use the word anomics.

[D]

I mean, maybe some C Span guys used it a couple mornings, you know? Or not. C Span.

[A]

Sorry.

[D]

Cnbc. The. The, you know, latest. The Financial.

[A]

From the treasonomics index.

[E]

This one is so obvious, sir.

[D]

Oh, well, there are a couple.

[C]

I was hoping it was dead influencers, unfortunately.

[D]

Somebody who used to be an influencer.

[E]

Exactly. A former influencer who stopped creating online content.

[C]

Beaten to death, I hope.

[E]

And now lives a more private life.

[D]

I say they made the right choice.

[E]

Yeah. Take all the money and run. That's what I would do.

[D]

Yeah, dude, cash out.

[A]

That's Woody Allen movie. Oh, sorry.

[E]

Shoppertainment.

[D]

This is terrible.

[C]

You just want to punch somebody.

[A]

This is like retail therapy, right?

[D]

What is it?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

A marketing approach that combines activities such as live streams and interactive content with the process of selling products.

[C]

This is like QVC 40 years ago.

[E]

When they started this to make shopping a fun and enjoyable experience for the consumer.

[D]

This has gotten big. I stumble across them every now and again. Again. Hate it.

[C]

I know someone whose mother became, I guess you'd use the word addicted, whatever. She would watch one of those qvc, QVC type networks and just started buying everything and they didn't know about it. And she quite literally was buying this stuff and she had storage units full of, you know, the plates and the. Because that was her. She would sit there all day long watching them and, you know, oh, Martha's coming on at 2 o' clock with the new line of the coffee cups or whatever. Yeah. So that's kind of what this is.

[E]

QVC's still very popular.

[C]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I know a guy that went on there, did that.

[D]

So these are now part of the Cambridge Dictionary.

[E]

That's what they say.

[D]

Any others?

[E]

That's it. That's all I got.

[D]

I mean, I mean, those are plenty of nonsense.

[C]

Yeah. I give them to you in short bursts.

[D]

Yeah. We don't all walk out.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

There.

[C]

Believe me, there. There are a lot more.

[A]

So they're not just words, they're phrases.

[C]

Well, shoppertainment. They turn.

[E]

They make them into one word, though.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Well, now, Christy, what else you got over there?

[E]

New research suggests babies understand verbs months before they begin talking, not adjectives. The study, published in the journal Cortex not all of them, is the first to test infants understanding of verbs using brain imaging technology. Scientists say more research is needed, but the findings suggest verb comprehension may begin within the first year of life.

[C]

Anybody who's ever had a baby boy on a changing table, and you say the phrase don't pee right now.

[D]

Oh, but they kind of may. Eat, drink.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Walk, sit.

[C]

They don't understand contractions like don't poop in the bathtub. We've all been through this.

[F]

Well, I mean, when they're real young. Did you do sign with your. Your babies?

[E]

No. I did.

[F]

We did with ours. And it could communicate. It wanted milk or to.

[E]

That is amazing.

[F]

And I mean, that was way before they were one.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

They understood something, right?

[E]

I wish I had done that.

[D]

Yeah. It almost seems instinctual with some kids, like, all gone, they'll kind of move their hands and.

[F]

Yeah, he did that. And he would do more. Yeah, he would do milk and food.

[D]

Milk was like. He was milking a cow.

[C]

Yeah, milk. Like squeezing.

[A]

Like squeezing a boob, huh? Yeah.

[C]

Did you ever grab your hairy orbs and no latch on.

[F]

Why? Did you have that problem with you, Your kids?

[C]

No.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Oh, but you don't have hairy orbs, do you? Aren't you smooth baby's backside?

[C]

Yeah, they're nice.

[A]

I bet they are.

[C]

I know. You're like a gorilla. I am, like, in that area.

[A]

Maybe we should rub our chest together and see what happens.

[C]

Then I couldn't act. It would be very hard for me to access your charming gluteal cleft. Well, thanks very much.

[A]

I'd give you full access.

[C]

We'll be back with more. Do I get a little badge? These are the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[H]

Thanks for listening to the Bob and Tom show, sponsored in part by Java House. The official coffee and refreshments of the Bob and Tom Show.

[C]

It's the biggest game on the planet.

[H]

And nobody breaks it down like Jim Rome.

[C]

Super bowl run. Who do you think will be the last one standing this year?

[H]

Fearless debate and the best callers in sports.

[A]

I don't care what you say. Defense win Super Bowl.

[C]

That defense absolutely is super bowl caliber. The quarterbacking sure as hell wasn't.

[A]

He's the spitfire of sports.

[H]

Smack.

[C]

A lot to get to and I'm not sure you're going to like all of it. Honestly, I don't even care if you like all of it or not. I have a job to do.

[H]

The Jim Rome Show.

[C]

Get up in here.

[D]

Follow and listen on your favorite platform.