The BOB & TOM Show - January 2, 2026

Summary

The BOB & TOM Show Free Podcast – January 2, 2026

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Overview

This episode of The BOB & TOM Show delivers classic morning chaos: riffing on news, pop culture, odd headlines, and plenty of off-the-cuff humor among the long-time cast—Tom Griswold, Chick McGee, Josh Arnold, Christy Lee, and their comedian friends. Expect rapid-fire banter, offbeat sketches, audience mail, playful bickering, and a steady stream of running jokes. Today’s discussions glide seamlessly from nosebleed home remedies, pet pig names, and musical horns in Cambodia, to online dating profiles, sex noises, and kangaroo breakouts. Special guests and skits, such as the Bob & Tom Players and comedian Sam Miller, round out the show’s variety.

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Key Segments & Highlights

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1. Physical Comedy & Cast Hijinks

• Tom’s Nosebleed/Nostril Tea Bag Remedy`
  • [03:10–05:20] The crew laughs about Tom Griswold’s sneezing-induced nosebleed, resolved with an Earl Grey teabag up his nose.
    • Chick narrates: “Tom Griswold had sneezed really violently…and put a tea bag up [his nose].” [03:27]
    • Josh (joking): “I teabagged the teabag.” [05:27]
    • Christy: “When he sat down and I saw the string, I thought he had a tampon stuck up his nose.” [04:16]

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2. Animal Shenanigans—Pet Pigs, Raccoons, and Kangaroos

• Pet Pigs and Raccoons
  • [06:03–10:31] Anecdotes about pigs thwarting burglars, naming pet pigs (“Albert Swinstein,” “Magnum P.I.G”), and listener mail about pet raccoons.
    • Visualization: “The pig shaped balloon is humping the pig.” — Tom [06:28]
    • Chick runs through a pun-laden list of pig names, with the group adding their favorites (e.g., “Clancy Pants,” “Sir Francis Bacon”).
• Escaped Kangaroo
  • [125:46–128:55] News of a kangaroo repeatedly breaking out of a South Carolina enclosure sparks interplay about fence-jumping marsupials, complete with exaggerated accents and kangaroo-jump jokes.
    • Christy: “Authorities have yet to discern how the kangaroo is escaping, but I'm guessing jumping over a fence.” [125:53]
    • Josh: “Maybe…an ingredient used in beer. Oh, he likes the IPA because it's hoppy.” [126:56]

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3. Relationships, Technology & Dating

• Forgetting Birthdays and Calendar Tips
  • [10:34–12:38] Survey: 1 in 3 Americans forget their partner’s birthday. Crew debates calendar use and memory tricks (“Just put them on your calendar and it comes up every year…” — Christy [11:41]).
• Online Dating Profiles & Clichés
  • [44:40–54:12] Christy Lee considers online dating, and the crew ridicules generic profiles and poor choices in self-branding (“Spaghetti Eddie,” “MustLoveDogs,” “MikeyMikeMike,” etc.).
    • Sample profile: “An athletic bookworm. A night owl who’s an early riser…” — Chick [46:31]
    • Tom: “I would drop the name Spaghetti Eddie for starters.” [46:22]
    • Christy’s verdicts are blunt: “Tilapia—crapfish of the sea. Go on.” [47:23]
• Signs “She Likes You”
  • [54:43] Chick reads nonverbal signals from a website, leading to joking about nervous hair twirling and “open posture.”

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4. Weird News & Global Oddities

• Cambodian Musical Horn Ban
  • [15:30–18:30] Story on Cambodia banning musical car horns leads to dark “Killing Fields” jokes and puns about public order.
    • Tom: “Hey, look, there’s some impoverished kid actually having fun. Shoot him.” [17:00]
• Insurance Fraud—Extreme Frostbite
  • [18:30–21:23] A Taiwanese student fakes frostbite for insurance but actually loses his legs. Puns abound:
    • Tom: “He didn’t get cold feet?” [19:51]
    • Josh: “Yeah, the judge was harsh. Said he didn’t have a leg to stand on.” [20:21]
• Babies Born In Transit
  • [21:53–31:42] Newborns on airplanes/ride shares: Aeromexico offers “90 free flights” for a baby born onboard; tales of in-flight deaths and feasibility of giving birth midair.
    • “How stressful would that be…giving birth in the aisle and all these jackasses have their iPhones out.” — Tom [23:07]
    • Christy and Josh dissect airline rules about pregnant passengers.

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5. Classic Skits & Parodies

• Rocky Horror/Bob & Tom Cast Recast
  • [32:18–34:42] Josh imagines cast members as Rocky Horror Picture Show characters; Tom shares 1970s anecdotes about London stage cast parties.
    • “Tom would be Brad.” [33:27]
• Gutter Grenades Infomercial (Sketch)
  • [35:02–38:56] Spoof: “Gutter Grenades” solve leaf problems by blowing them out—with shrapnel risk.
    • “You just pull the pin and toss it in. Gutter grenades blow away the competition.” — Christopher (in-character) [36:27]
• Failed Home Cleaning—Tragic Cockroach Fire
  • [39:25] News of a lady accidentally burning down her building with a cockroach-killing flamethrower hack. “The worst part? The cockroach made it.” — Tom [40:03]

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6. More Offbeat Headlines

• Highway Blueberry Spill—Live Song Parody
  • [41:25–43:43] Truck dumps blueberries on the road, inspiring Pat to sing a “Blueberry Hill”-style song about the cleanup.
• Lipstick Color App Based on Nipple Color
  • [85:09–94:29] The gang explores a news story about an app matching lipstick to areola color. Jess shares her experience (and a suspicious app hack), while Tom and Christy mock the alleged science and potential lechery.
    • “Take a picture of your nipple area…then you get three lipstick matches.” — Jess [85:34]
    • “My lipstick color is the same as my nipples… you might as well just hand him the key to a hotel room.” — Tom [88:17]

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7. Stand-up & Guest Features

• Comedian Sam Miller
  • [95:31–109:04] Sam chats about homelessness, tattoo regrets, and loving “big beautiful women.” He shares stories of living in a barn, making friends with math equations, and sneaking into boxcars.
    • Sam: “I have a hard time with math, so I just… one on one, baby.” [96:51]
    • “I always tell folks, like, I was homeless too, so it wasn’t that weird at all.” [100:27]
    • “Like, I had this one summer, all I wore was overalls and football cleats, and I would just jump in the lake…” [103:22]
• Listener Mail / Hobo Names
  • [129:49–138:19] Fans describe childhood adventures on trains and encounters with hobos. Josh aspires to live as a hobo and the team creates pun-filled hobo aliases.
    • “Arnie Tracks,” “Caboose Kelly,” “Harmonica Rachel, Mistress of the Iron Rail”—the list goes on.

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8. Sex and Relationship Banter

• Noises During Sex – What’s Real, What’s Porn
  • [140:02–145:54] A Swedish study analyzes authentic sex sounds; the cast reads from lists of sexy and “worst” things to say during sex.
    • “Men were at their most verbal about 15 seconds before orgasm.” — Christy [142:33]
    • Josh: “My buddy Joe Murray said… right after orgasm he would say, ‘You have to leave now.’” [143:41]

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9. Oddball News Wrap Up

• Flintstone House Lawsuit
  • [158:56–162:13] California residents sue over a neighbor’s “Flintstone House.” Debate breaks out over the best way to headline it (“Yabba Dabba Don’t!”—Josh [160:10]), and whether it’s cool or an eyesore.
• Broadway “Public Pooper”
  • [164:15–169:12] An anonymous theater protester leaves feces at “Magic Mike” auditions; Josh delivers a "Broadway" song parody (“On Broadway”) themed around the chaos.
    • “The mad chatter’s been striking at Magic Mike musical tryouts…defecating in dressing rooms and backstage areas.” — Christy [164:22]
• Ostrich Eats Car Keys—Tragic End
  • [154:29–157:13] An ostrich chokes on keys at a Kansas zoo. The cast cracks wise but laments the costs of modern key fobs and the fate of the bird.

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Notable Quotes

• Self-Awareness:
  "I have to have [the show] in a linear fashion or I'm thrown. I'm really, really thrown. I'm stup—stupid."
  — Chick McGee on consuming the show as a podcast [15:05]

• On Boutique Lipsticks:
  "If you have your lipstick the same color as your nipples, it is somehow attractive…you might as well just hand him the key to a hotel room."
  — Tom Griswold [88:17]

• On Pet Names:
  “Clancy Pants is great. Clancy Pants or may name your child that.”
  — Tom Griswold [08:59]

• On Homelessness:
  “I always tell folks, like, I was homeless too, so it wasn’t that weird at all. It would have been weird if I woke up with, like, a middle class lady.”
  — Sam Miller [100:27]

• On Relationship Memory:
  “Do you remember your mom and dad's birthdays, Josh?”
  “My mom’s is very easy. It’s April 15th. Tax Day.”
  — Tom Griswold & Josh Arnold [11:53–11:59]

• On Skits:
  “You just pull the pin and toss it in. Gutter grenades blow away the competition!"
  — Christopher (Bob & Tom Players skit) [36:27]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Nostril tea bag: [03:10–05:20]
• Pet pigs & raccoons: [06:03–10:31]
• Birthday memory discussion: [10:34–12:38]
• Cambodia horn ban: [15:30–18:30]
• Taiwanese frostbite scam: [18:30–21:23]
• Babies in transit: [21:53–31:42]
• Rocky Horror casting: [32:18–34:42]
• Gutter Grenades skit: [35:02–38:56]
• Blueberry Spill/Song: [41:25–43:43]
• Online dating mockery: [44:40–54:12]
• Comedian Sam Miller: [95:31–109:04]
• Hobo names & stories: [129:49–138:19]
• Authentic sex sounds: [140:02–145:54]
• Flintstone House lawsuit: [158:56–162:13]
• Broadway pooper: [164:15–169:12]
• Ostrich eats keys: [154:29–157:13]

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Tone & Style

The show revels in off-kilter gags, running inside jokes, and gleefully unfiltered banter. Expect a zig-zag between witty and groan-worthy puns, gentle roasts, deadpan mockery, and the occasional heartfelt moment (often undercut by a punchline). The cast’s camaraderie and years of repartee fuel both the laughs and the tangents.

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For First-Time Listeners

This jam-packed episode mirrors why the BOB & TOM Show resonates with fans: unpredictable, fast-moving, and welcoming a parade of oddities—both from the news and the cast’s own lives. It’s the caffeinated cocktail of relatable mishaps, world-weary snark, and endearing ridiculousness. Even when a segment spirals into absurdity, there’s always another punchline, parody, or guest tale waiting in the wings.

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Skip ahead to the timestamps above for specific segments—or just settle in for the ride. If you like your news weird, your banter unscripted, and your skits with a side of surreal, this episode is a quintessential taste of BOB & TOM’s long-running, irreplaceable morning mayhem.

Transcript

[Tom Griswold]

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[Chick McGee]

It's the Bob and Tom Show.

[Christopher]

New from Bob and Tom Records. The ultimate collection is here. It's the best of hello there.

[Chick McGee]

Hello there. Hello there.

[Christopher]

That's right. Now you can play it all, all day long because we've got them all right here. The best of hello there. Adele.

[Chick McGee]

Hello there.

[Tom Griswold]

It's me, the door.

[Chick McGee]

Hello there. I love you.

[Christopher]

The Beatles.

[Chick McGee]

You say goodbye, I say hello there hello, hello.

[Christy Lee]

I don't know why you say goodbye.

[Chick McGee]

I say hello there.

[Christopher]

Hi.

[Chick McGee]

And old Richie sometimes see you. Hello there.

[Christopher]

13 lucky classics for you on one album. Todd Rundgren.

[Chick McGee]

Hello there.

[Christopher]

Peter Gabriel.

[Chick McGee]

Hello there.

[Christopher]

Neil Diamond.

[Chick McGee]

Hello there hello there.

[Christopher]

And for the kids classic, Alan Sherman.

[Chick McGee]

Hello there. Hello there.

[Christopher]

The Electric Light Orchestra.

[Chick McGee]

Hello there.

[Christopher]

It's the best of hello there. New from Bob and Tom Records. Get it now.

[Chick McGee]

Good morning. Hello. From Costa Ghost.

[Sam Miller]

It's the Bob and Tom Show.

[Chick McGee]

Bob and Tom. Bob and Tom and Tom. Many portions of the upcoming program have been pre recorded, meaning they've already happened and they're about to happen again. So where was I? Oh. Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, we're glad to have you here. It's the Bob and Tom Show.

[Tom Griswold]

Welcome back to the Bob and Todd Show.

[Chick McGee]

Tom is bleeding to death. Finally. Welcome to his last show.

[Tom Griswold]

Christy, would you please cut this? There's a teaback. Would you explain the situation?

[Chick McGee]

Tom Griswold had sneezed really violently about half hour, 45 minutes ago and he caused a nosebleed and his nose has been bleeding since. And now he's put a tea bag up.

[Tom Griswold]

Don't cut. Hey, careful.

[Josh Arnold]

No, she's being care. Christy's got very large scissors. She's cutting the teabag tag. Yeah, the tag that is attached to the string.

[Tom Griswold]

By the way, what kind of crappy tea is this?

[Sam Miller]

We were having.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, Earl Grey.

[Chick McGee]

We were having a debate in the break room whether to get the tea bag wet or not. And what our assistant. What did our producer Bailey say?

[Josh Arnold]

Profoundly said, I don't think you want tea brewing up there.

[Tom Griswold]

I assume this is supposed to soak up the blood.

[Chick McGee]

I Guess.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, well, it's weird.

[Josh Arnold]

It's natural, you know? You got some.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, I thought. I. Honest. Honest to God. When he sat down and I saw the string, I thought he had a tampon stuck up his nose.

[Chick McGee]

A lot of people on Twitter have suggested that. It's supposed to be the best.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay, that'll be next.

[Christy Lee]

Don't look at me.

[Tom Griswold]

The tea bag.

[Christy Lee]

I'm proud of this.

[Tom Griswold]

Hang on one second. Ace will know this. Do they have free tampons in the ladies room?

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Josh Arnold]

How would I know that?

[Tom Griswold]

Because you're big on bargain.

[Josh Arnold]

I thought they did. I think they have to.

[Christy Lee]

I don't think so. Not in this one, I don't think.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm sure we can find a lady plug here.

[Chick McGee]

I've got free rubbers.

[Josh Arnold]

What? Is that not what they call them?

[Chick McGee]

Cramers.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, crammers.

[Josh Arnold]

What do you want a crammer?

[Chick McGee]

They got rubbers in the men's room. I know that.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, for all the sex going on in the building.

[Tom Griswold]

So I crammed this teabag up my nostril, and the. And the little tag is hanging out. I felt like mini pearl, but the tag was. Would flap when I tried to talk.

[Christy Lee]

Why didn't you use a nice chamomile? Why'd you go with the.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah, I gave him the Earl Grey.

[Tom Griswold]

I just said to Josh, give me something.

[Josh Arnold]

And I said, what do we drink the least of?

[Christy Lee]

And it was Earl Grey.

[Chick McGee]

Please tell me you licked the tea bag before you gave it to him and didn't tell him.

[Josh Arnold]

I teabagged the teabag.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, now it's up.

[Tom Griswold]

You're doing. Hang on.

[Josh Arnold]

A little bit of my.

[Tom Griswold]

I teabagged the teabag. Let me think about that. How would that work exactly?

[Josh Arnold]

Got a little of my ball Roma.

[Tom Griswold]

Why don't you get it? If you get a dog, will you name him Bell Ball Roma? So when the ladies come over. Oh, is that from Greek mythology? No, no, it's a teabagging joke. But you and me are going to be doing in about 10 minutes, soon as I get this duct tape off.

[Josh Arnold]

Duct tape, of course, because I abducted her.

[Christy Lee]

Yes, yes, of course.

[Josh Arnold]

No woman would willingly come home.

[Chick McGee]

We were talking about pigs earlier because Christy, growing up, had a raccoon and a pig on her.

[Christy Lee]

No, no, I did not. You're making that up.

[Tom Griswold]

There's a new story. This morning, a woman's home was being burglarized, but she has a pet pig. And the pet pig stopped the breaking.

[Christy Lee]

It scared the people off.

[Chick McGee]

A gentleman named Broderick has tweeted me this picture of his pig celebrating one of his birthdays. And if you describe what he got the pig for a birthday.

[Josh Arnold]

A pig shaped balloon.

[Chick McGee]

A pig shaped balloon. And the pig shaped balloon, as you can see, Tom is doing what to the pig celebrating the birthday.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, looks like the pig shaped balloon is humping the pig.

[Josh Arnold]

Look, in this photo, my favorite part is the guy with his arms crossed in the background.

[Chick McGee]

Just letting it happen.

[Tom Griswold]

Not thrilled.

[Chick McGee]

Non plump.

[Christy Lee]

I guarantee you that's the sun.

[Chick McGee]

Well, my dad's lost his mind.

[Christy Lee]

And I do have a girlfriend who has a pet pig in her house.

[Josh Arnold]

What's her name?

[Christy Lee]

I'm not going to tell you her name.

[Josh Arnold]

No, the pet pig.

[Tom Griswold]

The pig's name.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, God.

[Chick McGee]

What is Petunia? Isn't it Petunia? Isn't that the number one pig?

[Christy Lee]

I don't know. It's one of those little Vietnamese potbelly pigs. Why can't I think of it?

[Chick McGee]

Oh, Charlie.

[Christy Lee]

And it has a little doggy door.

[Tom Griswold]

I knew you were gonna say that. If it's a girl, it'll be Jane. Hanoi Jane.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, Jesus.

[Chick McGee]

Vietnamese pig.

[Josh Arnold]

Ho Chi Pig. Okay, Hog Chi Minh's not bad. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Looking up the top. Pig names.

[Josh Arnold]

Tea Defensive.

[Chick McGee]

Popular pig names. What did we do?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh my God, there are hundreds of them.

[Chick McGee]

Well, pot belly pigs are very popular.

[Tom Griswold]

There may be. Yeah. There are hundreds of pet pig names.

[Josh Arnold]

And apparently pet raccoons are fairly. We've just received a correspondence from our friend Joe Joseph. He says he has a four year old pet raccoon named Tigger. He's very mischievous and for some reason loves to open bags of chips in my pantry, but doesn't eat any of the chips.

[Chick McGee]

Just opens the bag. Tigger.

[Tom Griswold]

Please.

[Josh Arnold]

Joseph, I appreciate your correspondence. I now regret having read it.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, the number one boy name. Well, these are alphabetical. Maybe I shouldn't. Are we doing right away name for a pig? He said, changing the subject. Albert Swinstein. Arnold Pork.

[Tom Griswold]

Mad at me.

[Chick McGee]

Here's some more pig names.

[Tom Griswold]

Buster R. How about Vietnam?

[Christy Lee]

Oh, you guys.

[Chick McGee]

Chuck Boris. Chuck Boris. I like this name. I like Chuck Barris.

[Josh Arnold]

Chuck Boris or Chuck Norris.

[Tom Griswold]

Why is Chuck Barris a pig?

[Josh Arnold]

I don't get it. No, Chuck Norris. Because Chuck Norris is so popular.

[Chick McGee]

I don't know why.

[Josh Arnold]

Jokes and stuff.

[Tom Griswold]

This is nothing to do with pigs though.

[Josh Arnold]

This is a Chuck bore.

[Chick McGee]

Like a boar. This is a name for a pig. And I disagree. I think you can name any pet this. Clancy Pants.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes, you can. Clancy Pants is great.

[Tom Griswold]

Clancy Pants or May name your child that.

[Christy Lee]

Clancy.

[Chick McGee]

Colonel Bacon.

[Josh Arnold]

Colonel Bacon.

[Chick McGee]

Hoggle. Schwartz.

[Tom Griswold]

What's List? The list I'm looking at. It's just random names that.

[Chick McGee]

Abby pig.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. B.B. i don't get it.

[Chick McGee]

What's the Magnum p. I. G?

[Tom Griswold]

That's a good one.

[Josh Arnold]

Magnum Pig is good.

[Chick McGee]

Muddy buddy. Napoleon. Bigglesworth. Bigglesworth. Snort.

[Josh Arnold]

Doesn't Muddy buddy sound like some sort of ass swipe you might carry around?

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, buddy.

[Josh Arnold]

Buddy. Don't forget your money, buddy.

[Chick McGee]

I was lifting a bag of potting soil. Thank God I had my. Oh, my God.

[Tom Griswold]

You need money.

[Chick McGee]

It's muddy buddy time.

[Tom Griswold]

Throw the viscera on the floor. It's time for money.

[Chick McGee]

Pigzilla.

[Tom Griswold]

I got a good name for a pig.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Rasher.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, I don't get this. I don't know.

[Chick McGee]

That's a serving of bacon.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, okay. I. I don't know that I've ever heard that.

[Chick McGee]

I think it's three slices.

[Tom Griswold]

Is the rasher only three?

[Chick McGee]

I think so.

[Tom Griswold]

Look that up.

[Chick McGee]

I. I love that. Picklesworth. Snortmeyer. Did not.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm sorry.

[Chick McGee]

Picklesworth. Snortimer. Did not get the.

[Josh Arnold]

I kind of prefer Snortimer. Pigglesworth.

[Chick McGee]

All right. Sir Francis Bacon.

[Josh Arnold]

Of course. Yeah. That's great. Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, well, let's move on. Christy, what have you got over there?

[Christy Lee]

Happy birthday. To who? A recent survey suggests 1 in 3Americans forgot their partner's birthday, even with an iPhone. How's that possible? The study conducted by one pole with Evite found that of the 2,000Americans surveyed, 52% of men forgot a significant other's birthday, compared to just 24% of women. Partners were likely to forget a birthday four times throughout their relationship. One in five couples fought over said forgotten birthday.

[Josh Arnold]

That seems low to me.

[Christy Lee]

While 12% of couples ended their relationship over one. I don't understand how that happens either.

[Josh Arnold]

You just forget what the date is, that's all.

[Christy Lee]

It's on your phone. It comes up. Today is so and so's birthday.

[Josh Arnold]

If you have the alert. I have a bunch of birthdays in my calendar, and they don't alert me. I could set them to alert me.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you have to set. How do you get them in your calendar?

[Josh Arnold]

You just add them into your calendar like you would any event. Oh, no, no. You can also go to their contact. Go to your contacts list, add the birth date under the contact, or just put. And then it goes onto your calendar.

[Tom Griswold]

I never remember them.

[Christy Lee]

Just put them on your calendar and it comes up every year. Just make it an annual thing.

[Chick McGee]

You've got seven, eight birthdays to remember, right?

[Christy Lee]

More than that.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, that's your. Just your kids.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you remember your mom and dad's birthdays, Josh?

[Josh Arnold]

My mom's is very easy. It's April 15th. Tax Day.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, that's a good one.

[Josh Arnold]

And my dad's. I do remember. It's August 12th.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, are you one of these guys that someday when you get married, you're gonna get married on a day easy to remember?

[Josh Arnold]

No, I don't need to do that.

[Chick McGee]

Let's change.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, Taffy. Let's get married on a Tuesday because it's April 15th.

[Josh Arnold]

Taffy is the woman in that scenario that I'm marrying stripp named after a candy. Why wouldn't I go for that? Here's one of the fattest things I've ever done. When I go to strip clubs, I say I only want to see the women named after food.

[Chick McGee]

Where's Taffy? Where's Drew?

[Josh Arnold]

Yep, there's nachos working tonight.

[Christopher]

Welcome to a Friday morning Best of the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher speaking from the Bob and Tom Studios. On the show today, comedian Sam Miller. Plus Tom's Yawn Christie's online dating profile and lots more. But coming up next, check local listings. Don't do that.

[Tom Griswold]

Seriously.

[Christopher]

That's what the segments about here on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Chick McGee]

Bob and Tom.

[Christopher]

It's a Friday. And welcome back to the Best of the Bob and Tom Show. The gang is back in here live on Monday morning. This is Christopher speaking from the Bob and Tom Studios. Check local listings. I don't. Don't do that. Just listen.

[Chick McGee]

If you're wondering if the blatant hostility thing has played out. Oh, no.

[Josh Arnold]

Now get over it.

[Chick McGee]

It's in gorgeous bloom right now. Just in time for spring.

[Josh Arnold]

It's like the cherry trees.

[Chick McGee]

Dodgers two one up. Nope, sorry. Padres two one, bottom of the seventh. Why'd it stop?

[Tom Griswold]

Check local listing.

[Chick McGee]

Hang in. I've got to put my.

[Josh Arnold]

Check local listings. That's the game.

[Chick McGee]

That's the Major League Baseball opening game in Seoul, South Korea.

[Tom Griswold]

Listen to a rebroadcast of the show. That information is very. I'm sorry.

[Chick McGee]

Thrown me into a tizzy. I'm listening to a podcast. I don't know what day it is. They just said the Dodgers Padres were playing. How am I supposed to figure this out?

[Tom Griswold]

I'll explain time zones to you later, Gilligan.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, God, you're an idiot.

[Tom Griswold]

Yesterday.

[Chick McGee]

Podcasts can be just podcasts.

[Tom Griswold]

Yesterday, you were talking about SNH Green Stamps. We're right at the end, writes Jack. I was watching a rerun of Hollywood Squares. One of the prizes they offered in the secret square was a million SNH green stamps valued at $2,500.

[Chick McGee]

When did this happen?

[Josh Arnold]

I'll get your jacket.

[Christy Lee]

God, I hope they were already in the book.

[Chick McGee]

I'm confused though. Did you say that these S H Green stamps are you now they're worth 2500? That's what you said, right? No, it said I have no concept of time or where I am on the planet. You have to talk slow. I rely on my radio show to inform me where I am and what day it is.

[Josh Arnold]

That would be a lot.

[Chick McGee]

I just don't listen to this show piecemeal. I have to have it in a linear fashion or I'm thrown. I'm really, really thrown. I'm stup. Stupid.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, no, I know that.

[Chick McGee]

Stupid.

[Tom Griswold]

Demonstrating that as we speak. Now we return to Chris de Le. 10ft from the talking anus. Oh, no, it's more like 12ft.

[Christy Lee]

Cambodian's Prime Minister Hun Main has ordered a ban on musical vehicle horns.

[Josh Arnold]

Really? Yes.

[Chick McGee]

That must be a problem.

[Tom Griswold]

And it's Cambodia, so. And if you shoot one of those off, you're in the killing Fields. Here it comes.

[Christy Lee]

I know, right? Pat, hang on.

[Chick McGee]

Now you be honest right now. When you saw this story was framed from Cambodia.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Did you pop right into your head again?

[Tom Griswold]

Yep.

[Chick McGee]

The rib fest. Yeah, the rib fest, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You're gonna ever go one of those rib fest paths, people just eat the ribs, throw them in the ground. I swear to God, I thought it was in the movie the Killing Fields.

[Christy Lee]

He called on the minutes.

[Josh Arnold]

Balding Gray is crying next.

[Chick McGee]

Boy, that guy. How funny is he, hu?

[Tom Griswold]

Not at all. No.

[Chick McGee]

Hilarious all the time. I understand that tickets are two for one.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, you're gonna need a boat.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Jeff Askay]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Sadly, he called on the Ministry of Public Works and Transportation as well as police across the country to immediately act against any vehicle whose normal horn has been replaced by a song playing horn.

[Pat Carlini]

The.

[Christy Lee]

The move comes after videos posted on social media showed people dancing on roads and roadsides, passing trucks, blasted rhythmic melodies.

[Tom Griswold]

Footloose of Cambodia. Hey, look, there's some impoverished kid actually having fun. Shoot him.

[Chick McGee]

Do you think there's any significance to a heritage or background about if you have a musical horn or not?

[Josh Arnold]

Maybe.

[Tom Griswold]

Probably am.

[Chick McGee]

Is that a thing you think?

[Jeff Askay]

That thing.

[Josh Arnold]

I mean, Dangerfield had it in Caddyshack.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, that. When he gets dropped off of the golf course. Hey, Wang, what's Going on.

[Josh Arnold]

Hey, Wang, this place is restricted, so don't tell him you're Jewish. Okay, fine.

[Tom Griswold]

Now. So all musical horns. I wonder if they would include this one. Sorry, kid.

[Josh Arnold]

It's not a horn.

[Tom Griswold]

No. Ice cream.

[Christopher]

That was so.

[Josh Arnold]

Not a horn, but vehicle playing.

[Tom Griswold]

Vehicle playing music.

[Josh Arnold]

You think the ice cream men in Cambodia. Ice cream. Ice cream. It's all melted.

[Christy Lee]

Milk. Ice milk. Mr. Mane said such dancing affects public order, imposes a traffic hazard. Okay, it's got to be.

[Josh Arnold]

That's a problem in Cambodia.

[Christy Lee]

I want to hear that.

[Josh Arnold]

So many cars have dancing.

[Chick McGee]

Aren't there so many other problems in Cambodia?

[Josh Arnold]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Tom Griswold]

These days, I would think, you know, stray mines and that sort of thing.

[Christy Lee]

Okay, changing the sense.

[Tom Griswold]

I want to not farm the back 40. Luther lost a limb.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I bet hoeing a field in Cambodia is a little trickier.

[Tom Griswold]

It's not a lot of rocks.

[Josh Arnold]

Not as carefree as you'd want it to be.

[Christy Lee]

Speaking of losing a limb. She said. A Taiwanese university student is accused of taking a severe frostbite injury in a failed bid to pocket nearly $1.3 million in insurance payouts for his amputation. Okay, follow me here. The student, surname Chang, conspired with his former high school classmate, surnamed Liao, to orchestrate the fraud. Chang took out policies from at least five insurers before the two men rode around Taipei to create the impression that Chang had suffered frostbite after riding on a motorcycle on a cold night. To make the injuries more believable, Liu reportedly forced Chang to soak his feet in dry ice for over 10 hours, which led to below the knee amputation. Chang later filed claims, and though he received a payout from one insurer, the others reported the case to authorities. Both men have now been charged with fraud after investigators unraveled.

[Tom Griswold]

But the guy actually lost his legs and feet?

[Christy Lee]

Yes. Well, Mr. Liao was facing financial problems due to cryptocurrency losses. Boy, that's a friend. If your other buddy is gonna lose his legs for you to help you get money.

[Tom Griswold]

Ironically, he kept doing it.

[Christy Lee]

What?

[Josh Arnold]

What do you mean?

[Tom Griswold]

He didn't get cold feet?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, wow. Stuck with it. Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

What is that? What is the origin of that phrase, cold feet?

[Josh Arnold]

I don't know.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, we didn't do it. He got cold feet.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. I don't know. There's a history there. Blood, leaving a limb.

[Tom Griswold]

Something like that. You got to. Why don't I just get a job, buddy?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Losing your legs.

[Josh Arnold]

Jeez.

[Tom Griswold]

Getting a date now, no money and no legs.

[Christy Lee]

Okay, well, that is the amazing story here, because I just.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, the judge was harsh. Said he didn't have a leg to stand on.

[Christy Lee]

No, but the guy. But the guy who lost his legs isn't even the guy who had the financial problems, Right?

[Josh Arnold]

It's his buddy who's helping him, and.

[Christy Lee]

He talked his friend into losing his legs for him so he could get money. Think that's a friend?

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, there's a guy. This guy needs to go into sales.

[Christy Lee]

God.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, very good.

[Christy Lee]

All right, baby.

[Chick McGee]

Hang on. I think he looked feet. The phrase first appeared in an 1878 English translation of a German novel. A character leaves a poker table when his luck runs cold. He said, yeah, my feet are cold.

[Christy Lee]

Ah.

[Chick McGee]

And the dealer said, don't you always get cold feet when you're at our club, when you've had good luck?

[Josh Arnold]

And accusing him of saying, hey, you don't stick around for us to earn our money back.

[Chick McGee]

And something about Stephen Crane in one of his books, too.

[Josh Arnold]

So, Red Badge of Courage.

[Chick McGee]

Fraser Crane. No, it was.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay. Very good, actually.

[Christy Lee]

A baby born.

[Tom Griswold]

He really did.

[Josh Arnold]

You gave him the answer.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You don't have to keep going.

[Chick McGee]

Stephen Crane added to the phrase the 1896 second edition of his short novel Maggie Girl is Streets. There you go. Oh, got her feet up near.

[Tom Griswold]

Round healed.

[Chick McGee]

Never, never, never said round. He never thought it. How does that. How did that get into your brain and you just won't stop saying it?

[Tom Griswold]

Round healed.

[Chick McGee]

It's from a book.

[Josh Arnold]

Christy, will you interrupt these dummies?

[Christy Lee]

Nope. Let's see where they take this. I don't know. A baby born on an arrow. Mexico. A baby born on an Aero Mexico flight will be treated to free flights for years to come, as long as.

[Chick McGee]

They remain the same age.

[Christy Lee]

The 31 year old mom went into labor during a flight from Mexico City to Ciudad Juarez. Dr. Leticio Solario, a physician who happened to be on the plane, helped the woman deliver her baby. Mom? Babe. Taken to the hospital upon landing and are doing well. Aeromexico plans to gift the newborn 90 free flights in honor of the airline's 90th anniversary.

[Josh Arnold]

The bad news? Those flights have to be on Aeromexico.

[Christy Lee]

And they all have to be before she turns 2, because she has to sit on her mom and dad's lap, which would be free anyway.

[Josh Arnold]

They allow babies, our kids, to sit on the laps of the.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, under two.

[Josh Arnold]

What if there's a crash? That's the way it's done. That's not safe.

[Christy Lee]

Well, they do it.

[Josh Arnold]

You're right, though.

[Christy Lee]

Am I right?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm not right. Obviously, there would be bigger problems.

[Tom Griswold]

How stressful would that be, though? You're giving birth in the aisle and you've got all these jackasses taken. I'm sure they've all got their iPhones out.

[Josh Arnold]

It is ridiculous.

[Tom Griswold]

As will be on YouTube.

[Christy Lee]

Well, hopefully they went back into the galley. For God's sake.

[Josh Arnold]

Pregnant ass lady blocking the drink cart. I wanted.

[Tom Griswold]

I want the whole coke bitch.

[Josh Arnold]

How come she gets the whole baby?

[Tom Griswold]

Put your legs in the full upright position.

[Josh Arnold]

I'd be. I'd like to. I think a funny joke would be to look at the flight attendant and go, I'll have what she's having.

[Tom Griswold]

One of the classic great lines of all time.

[Sam Miller]

I do.

[Josh Arnold]

And who are you to judge me?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, you should have a baby, Tosh.

[Tom Griswold]

You'd be a good dad.

[Josh Arnold]

No, I mean I want to birth one. Oh.

[Christy Lee]

Oh. That's a different story.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, from what I understand, it's my right.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, it is your right. Good luck.

[Josh Arnold]

Just have to get a uterus tear off.

[Tom Griswold]

Maybe we can simulate it also. Well, we'd have to implant a sandpaper watermelon in your ass.

[Chick McGee]

Wait a minute. What's going on?

[Tom Griswold]

It's gonna be. You're gonna learn. Giving birth. No picnic. There's a lot going on. What was the did? Well, did you have the story about the. The baby who was born in a lift?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, we did.

[Josh Arnold]

We call them elevators here.

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, no, sorry.

[Christopher]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

In, like, a Uber thing. Here we go. This was in Florida. A mother called a Lyft ride after going into labor, told the driver to take her to the hospital. The driver told the station they would not make it to the hospital and pulled over underneath a Bridge on I95, and she had the baby right there in the car while waiting for authorities to arrive.

[Christy Lee]

Yep.

[Josh Arnold]

I think there were two sleeping hobos under that bridge. Ah, look at that. Isn't that beautiful?

[Tom Griswold]

I just hope they have that.

[Josh Arnold]

You said it, Sam.

[Tom Griswold]

I hope they had weather tech.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, it is a messy business, and.

[Tom Griswold]

That'S just from the mom of a cleaning fee.

[Chick McGee]

Wow.

[Josh Arnold]

Fluids and placenta.

[Christy Lee]

Yep.

[Chick McGee]

Dear people, this is an email. I just turned the show off. What in the hell is going on? It is entertaining, though. Thank you, Bob. Bob M. Thank. Bob's M. Not Bob K, but Bob.

[Tom Griswold]

M. Now, when you want. When you take a lift or an Uber, they usually have a bottled water in there for you.

[Christy Lee]

No, not anymore. No. They used to but yeah, that used.

[Josh Arnold]

To be a thing. A lot of them stopped.

[Tom Griswold]

Really?

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Do you have your account marked? You want to talk? I bet you do, don't you?

[Christy Lee]

Sure.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

That's idiotic.

[Christy Lee]

If you have a. I have.

[Tom Griswold]

I have a 5 rating, by the way.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, but if you have a bad Uber, do you post on that person's Uber like you have?

[Tom Griswold]

I have never had a bad one.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

You've never had a bad.

[Tom Griswold]

A couple of weird ones because I.

[Christy Lee]

Had a bad one recently, but I. And my husband said, why didn't you post? You know? And I go, because I don't want my rating to go down if I tell this guy that he didn't do a good job.

[Josh Arnold]

That's interesting. Revenge ratings.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Why was it bad?

[Chick McGee]

How do you start the. Okay, I'm the Uber driver.

[Sam Miller]

Come on.

[Chick McGee]

Hi. Hi. How are you? Hi. How you doing? How do you start the conversation?

[Tom Griswold]

It depends. On what. What. What was. What topic is at hand, really? Hey, I just left the concern on head.

[Chick McGee]

Anything with. On headwear as you're getting into the.

[Tom Griswold]

Could be.

[Christopher]

Could be.

[Chick McGee]

Could be.

[Sam Miller]

Headwear.

[Tom Griswold]

Could be. Hey, where you from?

[Josh Arnold]

I try to be as non confrontational as possible. I just slide in the back and go, who are you voting for?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, I've got. I've gotten that guy. I've gotten the guy that. Yeah. Apparently knows how to run the universe.

[Josh Arnold]

And it's clear too, that that person has been talking to every passenger.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Like they kind of have their spiel down.

[Christy Lee]

No, I don't want that last one.

[Josh Arnold]

Bless them.

[Tom Griswold]

Last one I took. Ace and I were at the Kiss concert and I left. Took an Uber home.

[Christy Lee]

Left early. Did you?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, had had my fill.

[Christy Lee]

How many songs did he last.

[Chick McGee]

You didn't hear the last song that everything on was on fire.

[Josh Arnold]

Surprisingly long.

[Tom Griswold]

I was there for most of the show.

[Chick McGee]

The song before that. When everything was on fire or the.

[Tom Griswold]

It was.

[Josh Arnold]

It was great.

[Chick McGee]

The middle set. When everything was on fire or.

[Josh Arnold]

All about the music.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. Nothing like the music of Kiss.

[Josh Arnold]

You go to see the show.

[Chick McGee]

Not everything on.

[Tom Griswold]

It was great.

[Josh Arnold]

It was.

[Tom Griswold]

It was. It was a great show.

[Chick McGee]

I was just humming a massive fire the other morning.

[Josh Arnold]

That's very funny.

[Chick McGee]

Yes, sir. Nothing that warms my heart like a. Like the remembrance of a fire. What is the.

[Tom Griswold]

What is the rule if there is one on a pregnant woman getting on a plane? Is. Is that just a.

[Chick McGee]

Well, it's not a rule. It's scientific, Josh. You want to tell it?

[Tom Griswold]

I mean, is. Can the airline go, look, you can't. I know there was a story of a while back about they wouldn't let a woman on a cruise ship.

[Christy Lee]

I don't know what the rules are. I know when I was pregnant, my doctor suggested that I not fly after seven months.

[Josh Arnold]

But, yeah, there should be a rule. I mean, I'm not trying to be. It is unfortunate that a woman who's like, let's say her due date is a week from her flight.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

I mean, that is just. You don't want to put yourself at risk.

[Pat Carlini]

No.

[Chick McGee]

Because you reach a certain altitude.

[Josh Arnold]

Boom.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

It'll squeeze out. Absolutely. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

And hopefully the baby's head stays intact, I don't think.

[Josh Arnold]

Because, Chris, you can't Kegel a baby back, can you? No, I want my baby back. Baby, nobody's gonna look at you if.

[Christy Lee]

You have Kegel muscles. That's true.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm giving birth. No doctors ever said, can you hold it?

[Christopher]

And I.

[Tom Griswold]

Someone. Someone answered this question for me, but I forgot the answer. If you give birth on an airplane.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. Babies in international law will not be eligible for Social Security.

[Tom Griswold]

I mean, is it where you land or what?

[Christy Lee]

I don't know.

[Josh Arnold]

Hopefully it's where you.

[Christy Lee]

Where you're from, parents reside or something.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know either, but that'd be.

[Tom Griswold]

A great political thing. They're having flights and babies are being born.

[Chick McGee]

I've just about had it with these midair birds. Not doing it.

[Josh Arnold]

Six a year happened.

[Tom Griswold]

There she was putting the placenta in the barf bag, asking the stewardess for an epidural. Come on.

[Josh Arnold]

How many people do you think pass away on a flight just from natural causes?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, that happens.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm sure.

[Tom Griswold]

That happened to a friend of mine.

[Chick McGee]

Six to eight a month.

[Tom Griswold]

And then they had to sit next to the decedent.

[Christy Lee]

And I'm to my Uncle Joe, and he was flying from LA to Hawaii, and he and his wife.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, I thought your Uncle Joe died.

[Christy Lee]

No, the lady in the. At the window passed away on the way.

[Tom Griswold]

Did he want to swap seats?

[Josh Arnold]

What'd they do? Did he at least get her meal?

[Christy Lee]

All I know is that he had to. When they got to Hawaii, they were questioned.

[Josh Arnold]

Sure.

[Christy Lee]

About the death.

[Josh Arnold]

That is wild.

[Tom Griswold]

Did they cover her up?

[Christy Lee]

They gave her a blanket.

[Pat Carlini]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Over her head.

[Christy Lee]

I don't know about that. I could ask him. He'll be here in May. We'll ask him about it, I guess.

[Josh Arnold]

You get the armrest.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, I guess.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. He gotta fight for it. If Rigor is set in. It can be a real bear.

[Christy Lee]

How long does it take for rigor mortis to set in?

[Chick McGee]

I don't know.

[Tom Griswold]

I'll fly into Hawaii, depending where you start.

[Christy Lee]

That's a long run in la. So it's what, four hour, five hour flight? So.

[Josh Arnold]

And a friend of yours had to sit next to the decedent? Yep.

[Christy Lee]

Joe. Uncle Joe. Had to sit next to this lady the whole way there.

[Tom Griswold]

What do you think they're going to do? They don't have a morgue in the back of the plane.

[Josh Arnold]

I didn't know if they'd go. We have to land. They don't. They can't land from LA to Hawaii, of course.

[Christy Lee]

Difficult, but they don't start smelling right away.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm going to have it in my will that if I die on an airplane, you can just throw me out.

[Christy Lee]

Well, that would be difficult. And the rest of the people are going to go with you.

[Josh Arnold]

What?

[Tom Griswold]

Everybody hang on to your coke.

[Josh Arnold]

You can't just TB Cooper me out the back.

[Chick McGee]

Well, you got to go down to a reasonable altitude. I would think that's fine.

[Josh Arnold]

Just drop me off. I'll be shark food. What do I care?

[Christy Lee]

Good point. You're dead right.

[Chick McGee]

I don't know if this answers A total of 577in flight deaths. Average 72 deaths per year. Deaths occur at an average rate of 1 per 3.2 million passengers mid flight.

[Josh Arnold]

Chick. What if one is just the person is really fighting it? Like I. I'm dying.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, God.

[Chick McGee]

I'm not ready.

[Tom Griswold]

Lord.

[Christopher]

Coming up next on the Bob and Tom show, the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Bob and Tom version and gutter grenades. We'll find out what those are coming up in just a minute. This is the Bob and Tom. Welcome back to more of the best of the Bob and Tom show here on a Friday morning. This segment has the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Bob and Tom version and Gutter Grenade.

[Josh Arnold]

I. Boy, I watched Rocky Horror and so I've. I've. I've been thinking about the Bob and Tom show version of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Who would play who? And I think I would have you play Dr. Scott. He's the guy in the wheelchair who sort of tries to out the evil plans of Frank and Furby.

[Tom Griswold]

It's a great part.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. Yeah, I think that'd be good.

[Tom Griswold]

The rest of us just. We're just extras.

[Josh Arnold]

No, no. Yeah. He's gonna get to you. Christy, would you rather be Magenta or Columbia? The Magenta is a domestic. Yeah, Columbia is Columbia.

[Christy Lee]

Who's the one that had the meatloaf thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I liked her outfit better.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay. Yeah, that's cool. Oscar, I think you're gonna be Eddie, who was played by Meatloaf. Can you sing Hot Patuity? Bless my soul. I really love that rock and roll.

[Sam Miller]

Yep.

[Christy Lee]

I'm really a Janet.

[Josh Arnold]

Who am I?

[Chick McGee]

Who am I?

[Josh Arnold]

Who would Ace Cosby be? I mean, you would make an all right Frank N. Furter. You're just a sweet transvestite jumbo size. Tom would be Brad.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, definitely.

[Josh Arnold]

And I Josh Arnold at the I hate Steven Singer sidekick chair. Would love to play Riff Raff. I don't know that I'm right for it, but I would love to be.

[Tom Griswold]

And you can do the voice. It's astounding.

[Josh Arnold]

Time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll. Have you ever seen it?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, when it came out. I saw it when it came out and there was no one in the theater.

[Josh Arnold]

Right, right.

[Tom Griswold]

It was a double feature of that. And the Fillmore movie.

[Josh Arnold]

The Fillmore movie. Like, like the last.

[Tom Griswold]

They filmed the last concert.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, okay.

[Jeff Askay]

Did you used to do that?

[Josh Arnold]

No.

[Jeff Askay]

Oh, you've never done the audience participation? I never actually have.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. Okay, so I'm due back in the day. Did you ever host one of those midnight shows?

[Tom Griswold]

No, I never did that. But I'll tell you what did happen when it was a stage play in London, the, in the early days.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, no, this is true.

[Tom Griswold]

I was, I was over there. My sister kind of hung out with an odd crowd. Sure. And unbeknownst to me, I went to a, a, a, a cast party.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh my gosh.

[Tom Griswold]

It was a rather bizarre group.

[Josh Arnold]

Must have been.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

I saw it live in London and I'm trying to remember who played Frankenfurter. If it was David Hasselhoff or somebody else. I'm going to look it up.

[Christy Lee]

David Hassel.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, he played Frankenfurter for a while. I just don't remember if I saw him.

[Christy Lee]

I would giggle. You didn't giggle.

[Josh Arnold]

We had a party watching it. Yeah, everybody loved it.

[Christy Lee]

I would so giggle.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, it's but time now, speaking of players, for the the Bob and Tom players to return. Oh, it is. Have you been passed a script?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I have. I didn't even realize.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. This is what they call a, a cold read.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

No one has a copy. Have seen a copy of this prior to right now. Now it's a new product apparently and we're bringing Christopher in from the next room. Hey, Christopher.

[Christopher]

Morning.

[Tom Griswold]

And you, I believe are playing the announcer. Is that correct?

[Chick McGee]

That's true. Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, do we have a nice. Do we have a nice level on our announcer?

[Christopher]

Sound familiar? Okay.

[Jeff Askay]

Yep.

[Josh Arnold]

You just gotta really ride that mic, Christopher.

[Sam Miller]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Let me teach you about radio. Yeah, please.

[Christopher]

I haven't been in it in much.

[Josh Arnold]

Five decades.

[Tom Griswold]

Five decades in. He sits down, the first thing he says is a curse word, you stupid F word.

[Christopher]

Oh, sorry.

[Tom Griswold]

The mics are on. Apparently, I start. Is that correct?

[Josh Arnold]

I don't know who looks like it. Yeah, you. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Hi, I'm Clarence Twat.

[Josh Arnold]

Clarence. What?

[Tom Griswold]

I'm reading this.

[Chick McGee]

I. Hi, I'm Clarence Twaddle.

[Tom Griswold]

With fall raining down on us, there's nothing I hate more than cleaning the leaves out of my gutters. It's gross, it's smelly, and it's dangerous. You're up two stories slinging muck, balancing.

[Chick McGee]

On a waddly ladder.

[Christy Lee]

Clarence, you better be careful up there. You better not die. I swear, if you fall and break your neck, I'll kill you myself.

[Christopher]

Sound familiar? Well, Mrs. Twaddle doesn't have to worry anymore because Clarence will be safe and sound, thanks to the newest invention from Frigamal Industries. Introducing gutter grenades. Frigamal Industries, in collaboration with the US Armed Forces, is pleased to bring you a revolution in gutter cleaning technology. With gutter grenades, there's no more fiddling with gloves, bags, stinky wet leaves, and flimsy ladders. You just pull the pin and toss it in. Gutter grenades blow away the competition.

[Tom Griswold]

I'll tell you what, cleaning my gutters now is a cinch. I just pull the pin and toss it in.

[Chick McGee]

Fire in the hole.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, hey, I'd rather deal with a little shrapnel that all those stupid leaves. Wow, Clarence, you're done already?

[Josh Arnold]

How long did it take you, what, two minutes?

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, five minutes. You're only holding up two fingers. I just blew off the other three.

[Christopher]

And. Hey, Josh, Arnold, there's gonna be no more tadpoles swimming around your gutters now. Your gutters will be so clean, you can eat pizza right out of them. We guarantee it.

[Sam Miller]

Really?

[Christopher]

Warning. Gutter grenades may result in hearing loss, flashbacks, ptsd, lockjaw, TMJ domicile, or loss of life.

[Tom Griswold]

Man, your gutters look amazing, Clarence.

[Jeff Askay]

Thanks.

[Tom Griswold]

It was super easy. All thanks to gutter grenades. I just pulled the pin and tossed it in. And.

[Josh Arnold]

Now those extra charts.

[Tom Griswold]

And now those pesky leaves are someone else's problem.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, they're my problem. You were supposed to yell, fire in the hole. Damn It. I look like an oak tree just took a crap all over me.

[Christopher]

Call 1-800-Blown Away to get your gross of gutter grenades today. And coming to Backyards next summer, keep an eye out for our new Das Boot Pool Cleaning Torpedo from the makers of the Run Silent Run Deep Septic and Toilet Depth Charge and the Crimson Tide Tampon harpoon. Plus, be sure to ask about our new Bazooka wasp and hornet killer. And don't forget our number one seller, the napalm fire pit starter.

[Christy Lee]

Thanks to gutter grenades, I don't have to pester Clarence to clean the gutters anymore. It's like he's back in Korea. He can't wait to pull the pin and toss it in.

[Tom Griswold]

What was once my most hated chore is now my favorite. Thanks, gutter grenades.

[Chick McGee]

Thank you.

[Tom Griswold]

Thank you, Christopher. You're welcome.

[Sam Miller]

Welcome.

[Jeff Askay]

Isn't that something?

[Tom Griswold]

Everyone's seeing it for the very first time. Not. Not bad.

[Christy Lee]

Supposed to be real old.

[Tom Griswold]

That actually leads to a story in the news in which someone used the equivalent of a gutter grenade to get rid of some insects.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Authorities in South Korea say a woman set her apartment building on fire while trying to kill a cockroach. The resident tried to kill the best with a lighter and a flammable spray, a technique she had used in the past. But items in her home caught fire. The blaze spread, causing the.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh.

[Christy Lee]

Other residents suffered from smoke inhalation. We won't talk about the one person who died.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Police in Osan said the woman could be charged with accidentally starting a fire and causing a death by negligence.

[Josh Arnold]

One person died.

[Jeff Askay]

It was in China. It's okay.

[Josh Arnold]

It was in Korea.

[Jeff Askay]

Oh, Korea.

[Tom Griswold]

And the worst part is the cockroach made it.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Cockroach makes it out. So am I understanding this is the deal where you take a lighter and, like, PAM spray and you hold it in front of it, it turns into a flamethrower.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, you do that.

[Tom Griswold]

I know it's a blast, but I'm not going to do it. You know a place where the.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. Maybe don't do it if the cockroach is on the curtain.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, Exactly. Yeah. You got to be. You know, if the cockroach is right there on your cooktop, it's perfectly acceptable. But that's a shame. Sorry about the lady dying at the end. I probably should have taken that out.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, I kind of stumbled over it. That was my fault.

[Tom Griswold]

This is the problem with contemporary technology, though, you see, because back in the day, you'd have a magazine over there. You could get the magazine and whack the bug now. Yeah. You're not going to hit it with your. Your iPad.

[Josh Arnold]

She really did go. That's too far. Yeah, well, I hate cockroaches, but I'm not.

[Christy Lee]

I've never really had that pleasure.

[Tom Griswold]

You've never seen cockroach?

[Christy Lee]

I've seen them, but not in my home. I've been fortunate enough even in my dire circumstances.

[Josh Arnold]

Days. Luckily, cockroaches are very solitary creatures, so if you see one, that's it.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, you're right. They're kind of like mice.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

You have nothing to worry about.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, good. Well, Christy Lee is at the SILAC insurance news desk. What else is going on over there?

[Christy Lee]

In California, authorities say a truck full of. Of blueberries lost its load.

[Chick McGee]

Blutes.

[Josh Arnold]

Don't you guys like when you get the labels for your blueberries? It has the French on there.

[Christy Lee]

Yes. Blue. I call them bloobs.

[Christopher]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

I love saying blooms.

[Christy Lee]

I talk to my dogs. I go, you want some bloobs?

[Jeff Askay]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

I believe bloobs is a term for the. The memories of smurfs.

[Christy Lee]

What?

[Chick McGee]

Bloobs.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, nice blobs there, mama Smurf.

[Christy Lee]

It led to the closure of a Fresno area interstate. California highway patrol warned drivers after the spill, which occurred Monday evening in the southbound lanes of Highway 99 near the Highway 180 interchange. CHB shared photos of berries on the road, as well as the sticky purple mess caused by the blueberries being run over by vehicles. The road was closed for cleanup efforts, but birds in the air were very happy.

[Tom Griswold]

Pat, you got a song for us?

[Josh Arnold]

I had a spill down Blueberry Hill by the Lance fell. Oh, yeah. Oh, the highways blue. It's messy there.

[Tom Griswold]

Still.

[Josh Arnold]

Very icky.

[Chick McGee]

That hill. That hill.

[Josh Arnold]

And it will be on jail. The cleaning crew comes through. Those blueberries really stain. Lose the load and you'll see. Looks like. Like aliens.

[Chick McGee]

Crash.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Blue as blue could be.

[Josh Arnold]

In 20 years, there'll be blue on that hill. And it will be until a beach truck has a spill.

[Tom Griswold]

A beats beat.

[Chick McGee]

Blue. You know what they do.

[Tom Griswold]

Knee ram much.

[Christy Lee]

That is lovely.

[Tom Griswold]

Talk about a traffic jam. Favorite type of jam. Go.

[Josh Arnold]

Strawberry.

[Sam Miller]

Strawberry. Strawberry.

[Christy Lee]

Fig.

[Josh Arnold]

Fig.

[Jeff Askay]

You know what?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I'm telling you, I'm switching mine up.

[Christy Lee]

I'm going fig, baby fig spread with some goat cheese.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. Keep it all right. On a crustini.

[Jeff Askay]

You putting that crostini?

[Christy Lee]

Very nice.

[Josh Arnold]

I do love crostinis.

[Christy Lee]

Crostini.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, a tasted crustini. Those blue are the Blutes.

[Josh Arnold]

Blutes.

[Tom Griswold]

She fell 30 stories and had crusted.

[Christopher]

Coming back next hour, we have Tom's yawn and a chicken limo. But next, Christy's online dating profile. You want to hear it? It's next on the Bob and Tom. This is the Bob and Tom show and it's a Friday morning. Welcome back. This is Christopher in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Think O'Reilly Auto Parts for all your car care needs. Get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. You ever wonder what Christie's online dating profile might look like? We're going to find out in this segment.

[Tom Griswold]

Speaking of you getting wet, let's get back to this match.com?

[Josh Arnold]

Classy segue.

[Chick McGee]

Give me that D.

[Christy Lee]

Be subtle.

[Tom Griswold]

You're, you're working on your profile for. Is it match.com or you're going to go to one of the different ones?

[Christy Lee]

I don't know. I just need a profile.

[Tom Griswold]

I thought you wanted to go on plenty of farmers.

[Josh Arnold]

No, it's only, it's farmers only.

[Chick McGee]

Plenty of farmers. There's plenty of fish.

[Tom Griswold]

Plenty of fish.

[Chick McGee]

Sorry, farmers dot com.

[Christy Lee]

Plenty of O fish.

[Josh Arnold]

Like filet O fish.

[Christy Lee]

Yes. There's not plenty of fish.

[Tom Griswold]

Now that is my favorite sandwich.

[Christy Lee]

There's. Okay. Cupid, the big one right now is Zeus.

[Sam Miller]

Zusk.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm sorry?

[Christy Lee]

Zusk. Z O O S K. Right. Chick.

[Tom Griswold]

What does that stand?

[Christy Lee]

Zoosk. Zeus.

[Tom Griswold]

Just a made up word.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I thought Bumble was. Bumble's the one that two friends of mine are. Now they're getting married.

[Christy Lee]

Now Bumble's more like a Tinder thing. It's a swiper. You just swipe. Swipe.

[Tom Griswold]

No, but they're, they, they are. They're getting married.

[Sam Miller]

Good.

[Christy Lee]

That's great. See, it works.

[Tom Griswold]

So you're thinking of doing Zusk?

[Christy Lee]

I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I need a profile, whatever it is.

[Tom Griswold]

Zusk sounds ethnic.

[Christy Lee]

What?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

So you're on Match.

[Christy Lee]

Not on anything.

[Josh Arnold]

But the friend of yours.

[Christy Lee]

My friend is on Match.

[Josh Arnold]

Your friend that I tongue wrestled is.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Sam Miller]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

Here's a, here's I hope she's. Here's a sample of a profile. This is, but all the. This is Spaghetti Eddie.

[Tom Griswold]

This is a guy?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, he's 41. This is just a profile. What is this one on? This is on a website for dating tips and tricks or something.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, okay.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. These are like guidelines if you need to help, you need help with your profile. All right, here's Spaghetti eddie's profile. He's 41.

[Tom Griswold]

Can I make a suggestion?

[Chick McGee]

And I'm not. I'm not making any of this up.

[Tom Griswold]

I would drop the name Spaghetti Eddie for starters. Spaghetti Eddie sound like you're some guy in a Bruce Springsteen song.

[Christy Lee]

You have to have like a hand.

[Chick McGee]

Spaghetti Eddie. This is on Zoosk. Okay, this is the first sentence. I'm a creature of contradictions.

[Christy Lee]

Sorry, Eddie, you're out.

[Chick McGee]

Listen to this. An athletic bookworm.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

A night owl who's an early riser. An active guy who loves to be lazy on Sunday morning.

[Tom Griswold]

Hate this guy.

[Chick McGee]

I'm always interested in learning new things, whether it's history.

[Tom Griswold]

Mostly learning about whether you're shaved or not.

[Chick McGee]

History, politics, or the guitar.

[Christy Lee]

Do you put that on your profile?

[Tom Griswold]

Shaven.

[Chick McGee]

I started teaching myself piano last year. I'm loving the challenge so far. I can also cook a mean baked tilapia or spaghetti diner.

[Christy Lee]

Tilapia. Crapfish of the sea. Go on.

[Chick McGee]

Let me know. Let me know if you're interested. Or just give me some tips on my red.

[Christy Lee]

So you need to get rid of.

[Tom Griswold]

The tilapia thing, Spaghetti Eddie. So you reject the guy because of the tilapia?

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

What's he look like, Jake?

[Chick McGee]

Well, he looks like a guy, although he doesn't give you a straight on picture. He's the one there on the end with the guitar.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. So he playing strumming a guitar by a fireplace. Like he's in an L.L.

[Christopher]

Bean ad.

[Christy Lee]

Because guys with guitars always get the girl.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, this is. I'm a man of contradiction predictions. This next tune is called Consensual Sodomy.

[Josh Arnold]

So we.

[Tom Griswold]

I like to use jazz gores.

[Josh Arnold]

Remember, it's about the notes I don't play.

[Chick McGee]

Believe me, I know this sounds wrong, but I assure you it's correct.

[Tom Griswold]

Why don't you not play any of them?

[Chick McGee]

How about another one? All right, this is Must love dogs. He's 33.

[Sam Miller]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

Young, but I'm a fun loving guy who's a happy dog dad to my girl Roxy. My friends would probably describe me as goofy, but somehow I always end up being the responsible one. I have a lot of hobbies to keep up with at the moment. At the moment, I'm focused on softball and fishing. One helps me get out and be social and the other helps me get away from it all. Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Meet guys canoeing down the Chattahoochee.

[Josh Arnold]

Pull them panties down.

[Chick McGee]

Last sentence. If you don't mind the pup or a little bit of goof, we could be a Pretty good pair.

[Josh Arnold]

A little bit of goof.

[Chick McGee]

A little bit of goof. This is a real person.

[Pat Carlini]

God.

[Tom Griswold]

You ever notice that a lot of these dating profiles, they say quiet evenings at home. I like taking long walks. They all have that long walk thing in there. Wouldn't you thought that these people would have met somebody on one of these long walks? Hey. Hi. You must be like long walks too. I keep seeing you on the trail. You're on the trail again, huh? I walk by you every day. By the way, what's your policy on someone you see every day, more or less at like some random person you would have. You frequent the same restaurant, say, and you've seen this person probably, you know, whatever, four or five days a week for three years.

[Christy Lee]

I'd say go to a different restaurant, but go ahead.

[Tom Griswold]

And they never acknowledge when you go, hey, what?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, and they don't acknowledge. Yeah, stop acknowledging that.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Or they, they know who you are and they don't like you. Maybe that's possible.

[Tom Griswold]

It's not just me. I've. This same person has done this to other people. I checked on that. I'm okay with that.

[Christy Lee]

So the same person, you know, this person knows other people that you know?

[Tom Griswold]

No, he just every. He goes to the same place that we go. We see him all the time.

[Christy Lee]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, just stop acknowledging him.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

What. What profile do you want to hear next?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, give me the names.

[Chick McGee]

JD34.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Fun loving.

[Josh Arnold]

30 hate.

[Tom Griswold]

No, he's not fun loving.

[Chick McGee]

He's Mikey Mike Mike.

[Tom Griswold]

Let's go with jd.

[Josh Arnold]

You know what? I. JD is the last. Mikey Mike Mike is just being silly. Fun loving. It's just, hey, you know, he probably is fun loving and wants to get it out. JD is going by JD, insists you call him JD.

[Chick McGee]

Just on the looks alone. JD kind of scares me, I gotta tell you.

[Tom Griswold]

And JD's real name is probably Mikey Mark. I'm sorry. Which one are you gonna do?

[Chick McGee]

It's up to you. Jd, Mikey Mike Mike, or I like Mikey Mike Mike. Mikey Mike Mike. Seems like everybody says there's laid back on here. I'm not. I'm actually really hyper. The most laid back thing about me is my cat.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, God, he's got a cat. Stop.

[Josh Arnold]

And a cocaine habit. You have to read things. When he says I'm really hyper, that's what that means.

[Chick McGee]

And even he, the cat has to get up and run laps around the room from time to time. If you like getting outside, going out. A guy who tries too hard to make you laugh.

[Sam Miller]

Nope.

[Chick McGee]

Getting to know someone who's a little different. I'd love to take you out.

[Josh Arnold]

Slight facial deformity. That's a little different.

[Chick McGee]

Means I'm responding to Mikey. Mike. Mike. I'm giving you his. Your number.

[Christy Lee]

No, you're not. Thank you very much.

[Tom Griswold]

Send vintage prison shirt issued to me.

[Chick McGee]

Okay. Okay. JD's on the end there. He's on this end. That's JD.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Arms folded.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Which one's Mikey?

[Tom Griswold]

Mike.

[Christy Lee]

Mike.

[Josh Arnold]

Mikey's in the middle.

[Tom Griswold]

Mir. Mirror shades.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, he's got mirror shades.

[Chick McGee]

Jd. Okay. I just have to be real. I'm a bit of a shut in. Don't get me wrong. I like going out for drinks and having fun, but I find more peace and have more fun just kicking back.

[Josh Arnold]

Closeted alcoholic.

[Chick McGee]

I love this could be me so far. I love the beach, watching football, movies, writing music and poetry.

[Tom Griswold]

I like to wear an eye patch on my scrotum.

[Chick McGee]

Spontaneous trips.

[Josh Arnold]

It's very odd.

[Tom Griswold]

Jd, Son of a gun.

[Chick McGee]

Have you read jd? I'm just his last sentence. It's a crazy world. Let's be crazy together.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, God. Does that one come with a rifle?

[Josh Arnold]

I feel like all these guys are trying a little too hard.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's my fear.

[Tom Griswold]

Because it's rough out there.

[Christy Lee]

It is rough to stand out, but.

[Josh Arnold]

They'Re getting in their own way.

[Chick McGee]

I've got 10 nonverbal signs that she likes you.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I like this kind of stuff.

[Tom Griswold]

Is this from the same profile?

[Chick McGee]

This is from. It's called. This is a website called the Date Mix.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, so these are non verbal signs that she likes you.

[Chick McGee]

Strong, strong eye contacts. Number one.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

Does this. Does this have that one from that movie?

[Christy Lee]

What?

[Josh Arnold]

You know, Basic Instincts.

[Tom Griswold]

Basic Instinct. You know, the old.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, she flashes you the beef.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that's.

[Tom Griswold]

Play your cards right.

[Christy Lee]

That's a little aggressive.

[Chick McGee]

Okay, Sorry. Number one, strong eye contact. Number two, touching or playing with hair.

[Christy Lee]

Hair.

[Josh Arnold]

Playing with her own hair.

[Christy Lee]

I play with my hair all the time.

[Chick McGee]

Playing with her, twirling hair can mean that she's feeling playful or possibly nervous.

[Christy Lee]

I twirl my hair. All that's a nervous.

[Josh Arnold]

Because you sit next to me. Because when I'm around, you do that when.

[Christopher]

Josh.

[Christy Lee]

No, it's Josh.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, well, well, open. That would even be more exciting.

[Chick McGee]

Open posture.

[Christy Lee]

What is that? This?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, just kind of. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

So I was right. So it is the. It's the old.

[Chick McGee]

Put your knees up to your chest. She's into you.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

One of the tips to get in a Public speaking course is to open your body. The same goes for dating. Broaden your shoulders span. Conveys confidence. Invitation to connect. She does this on a date. Could be a sign she trusts you. Light touch or josh.

[Tom Griswold]

The ropes broke and her hands are loose.

[Josh Arnold]

You see, Pat, the only way I could ever be with a woman is if I abduct her entire up against everything's against her will because Tom's.

[Chick McGee]

Tom's. He's our friend.

[Josh Arnold]

By the way, that's only after we've had our third dinner because that's, you know, I'm a big man.

[Christopher]

We're coming right back with a car copter and a chicken limo. A car copter and a chicken limo. Next on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Chick McGee]

Bob and Tom.

[Christopher]

It's the best of the Bob and Tom show on a Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a car copter and a chicken limo. Let's check it out.

[Chick McGee]

And here he is.

[Tom Griswold]

Smart Mouth is the name of that two part Tom Criswell mouthwash you were talking about.

[Josh Arnold]

You. We know that you were talking.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah. We have never heard of it.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, it's got part A and A, part B and Smart Mouth. They mix together.

[Chick McGee]

Hey, what are you, some kind of.

[Josh Arnold]

Smart mouth from the makers of Weisenheimer? Yeah, Smart Mouth.

[Chick McGee]

Wow.

[Christy Lee]

There's a Smart Mouth pizza.

[Tom Griswold]

Wisenheiman. How about that for a product? Girls, don't get on that bicycle without Weisenheiman. Are you the taut cream that.

[Chick McGee]

Well, what?

[Tom Griswold]

We have to work on that. We'll have to work on the hot cream. Are you learning to ride horsebacking? Ladies, you need wise and imons.

[Josh Arnold]

What they call that? Fromage. What is that called?

[Christy Lee]

Fromage is cheese.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh.

[Josh Arnold]

What's the horse riding thing?

[Chick McGee]

Crotch frontage?

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, dressage. What's the word? She's looking for a chick. Where you're in the subway rubbing against people.

[Chick McGee]

Frottage.

[Tom Griswold]

Frothage.

[Chick McGee]

Okay, there we go.

[Tom Griswold]

So you got them all kind of mixed in there. I think it's time to check in with Christy Lee at the news desk.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, okay. A man in India is out more than $3,000 after making his car look like a helicopter, only to have it immediately seized by authorities. That's right. Mr. Ishwardeen spent two months working on his Maruti Suzuki wagon, Ishradin, to make it look like a helicopter by welding a rotor blade onto the car's roof and attaching a tail boom to the trunk. He intended to rent it out as a special attraction for Weddings and events. While Mr. Dean was on his way to a workshop to get the car copter painted, he was stopped by traffic Police officers seized the vehicle for violating motor rules and fined the man $24.

[Chick McGee]

What?

[Josh Arnold]

Christy, do you know if he was driving the vehicle at the time?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, he was driving it.

[Tom Griswold]

It looks like a minivan.

[Christy Lee]

There you go.

[Tom Griswold]

There you go.

[Chick McGee]

That's ridiculous.

[Josh Arnold]

No, it's. It's fantastic.

[Chick McGee]

It's ridic.

[Tom Griswold]

It's got like a 25 foot tail on it with a rotor.

[Josh Arnold]

It's better than I thought it would be.

[Tom Griswold]

Much better. But wouldn't it be cool? It's like the giant chicken limo. You see.

[Christy Lee]

Right, right.

[Tom Griswold]

That'd be great for you kids going to the prom. Hey, we got the helicopter limo.

[Josh Arnold]

But the blades are so tiny. Well, it's not gonna fly. It's just for pictures and stuff.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, see, Ace, it's.

[Josh Arnold]

But it's also. It shouldn't be on the road.

[Tom Griswold]

Probably if it. No, I think if they put a red flag in the back, it would be legal. Probably.

[Josh Arnold]

I think it'll fall right off. You trust that at all?

[Tom Griswold]

I think India has demonstrated their ability with various technologies.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Griswold]

They're still working on the flush toilet.

[Josh Arnold]

But they haven't embraced the fork, let alone. I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

Well, here's.

[Tom Griswold]

This is. Let me put it this way. This thing is to helicopters. When my beautiful 8 year old daughter gets her face painted like a tiger at the fair, that's what she is to real tigers. This is not going to take off, Ace. It's got a propeller the size of.

[Christy Lee]

They are very small, they're very tiny.

[Tom Griswold]

But it's fine. I would love to rent that for an event.

[Christy Lee]

Looks like the car's wearing a beanie.

[Josh Arnold]

You don't think it looks. I mean, it does look trashy. What would you do with it? Hey kids, take a picture.

[Christy Lee]

In the defense, he was getting it painted, so. I bet he was getting it.

[Josh Arnold]

You're absolutely right.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, he was trying to make it look nice.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, we knew it was going to look.

[Tom Griswold]

Just the other day I was driving around here and. And Finn, my 11 year old daughter, went, oh my God, it's the chicken limo.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

She was so excited. And can you. The copter limo.

[Christy Lee]

Have you ever did the chicken limo for?

[Tom Griswold]

I've been in it.

[Josh Arnold]

You have?

[Tom Griswold]

Sure. Absolutely.

[Josh Arnold]

What exactly is that? Does it just have a giant chicken.

[Tom Griswold]

On the top of it? Giant chicken on the roof.

[Christy Lee]

Giant chicken.

[Josh Arnold]

What the hell's it for?

[Christy Lee]

To drive around it.

[Chick McGee]

So you can rent it.

[Tom Griswold]

Hang on one second.

[Josh Arnold]

I mean, limo's parties, art. Ah, yes.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, art for art's sake. Oh, hey. So and so they arrived in a limo. Yeah, big deal. They arrived in the chicken limo, now we got a big deal.

[Josh Arnold]

You're right. You are right. Is it.

[Tom Griswold]

I mean, wouldn't it. Let's just say you were a billionaire. Wouldn't the. Wouldn't you get, like, a really cool Rolls Royce? Haven't put a giant chicken on the roof?

[Josh Arnold]

No, I might.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, you have to be. It's all about having good taste.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

No, no, I. I grew up having awful taste. And if. No matter how much money I have, I'll always be awful taste, man.

[Christy Lee]

You don't have awful taste. There is a chicken limo.

[Josh Arnold]

Look at that thing. It.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Isn't that great?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, it's got. It looks like Nessie a little bit the Loch Ness monster. Curve to the head.

[Tom Griswold]

Who wouldn't want that?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I want to ride in that.

[Christy Lee]

Although nicer than the one that's around.

[Josh Arnold]

Here isn't getting in and getting out of a limo. And maybe I'm only saying this because I've been a fat my almost my whole life. Real hard. It's not comfortable getting in and out. I hate it.

[Chick McGee]

I hate it.

[Tom Griswold]

Typically, they have those handles on the roof.

[Christy Lee]

Roof.

[Josh Arnold]

I mean, you have to slide down a long couch.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that's true. They've gone out of favor. Now it's the big black Suburbans.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Or Tahoes or Escalades or whatever.

[Tom Griswold]

Maybe take a Suburban and put a helicopter thing on the roof.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah, You've got a suburban.

[Josh Arnold]

Suburban farming.

[Tom Griswold]

I do have a suburb, but it's. I don't have it right now. Noah's driving it.

[Christy Lee]

No, Noah could put that on Wendy.

[Chick McGee]

Really?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Let me run that by Kelly. Hey, baby, remember how I loaned the Suburban to Noah? She likes Noah. She really likes Noah. But he's. He's turning it into a chicken limo.

[Chick McGee]

You know, Take it from me, you use baby a lot when you're talking to her.

[Tom Griswold]

And then I'd be Noah's new roommate.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Don't ask permission, ask forgiveness.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Baby, the car I'm buying.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, yeah, baby. Yeah, well, you wear the pants in the family, right?

[Chick McGee]

That sounds like a perfect idea.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm here. In any event, I think it's a cool idea to do a limo like that, so.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Good luck, sir.

[Christy Lee]

Well, speaking of India, a man was mauled to death after jumping into the zoo's lion enclosure. To take a selfie.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, that's what happens.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. This happened at Sriven Katasawara Zoological park in Tirupati. The Times of London. Times of London. The Times of India reports the 34 year old man who appeared to be intoxicated, ignored protests from a nearby zoo employee, climbed over a four foot tall safety wall as well as a six foot metal fence to get into the enclosure.

[Josh Arnold]

You think that's like having a rum ball for a lion? A drunk guy?

[Christy Lee]

No, probably.

[Chick McGee]

That's a great idea.

[Christy Lee]

The man intended to take a selfie with the 12 year old male Asiatic lion named Dung Par. The lion soon attacked and though staff tried to save the person, he was mauled to death.

[Josh Arnold]

Mauled to death.

[Christy Lee]

The victim's remains were transported to a.

[Tom Griswold]

Government hospital in a shoebox.

[Josh Arnold]

Wait, you don't just let the lion have it. He's already dead.

[Tom Griswold]

You wonder how long he chewed on the poor idiot.

[Josh Arnold]

Idiot?

[Tom Griswold]

No, this guy's a moron.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, of course he is. Yeah. You don't do that.

[Tom Griswold]

And I, I feel bad for these zoos that he had to climb over two fences. Yeah, they try to make it as difficult as possible.

[Christy Lee]

Well, now they've got those moats, a lot of them. You climb up a moat, you're. You want it?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

Did he get a good picture at least?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, that's out there.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, the video is, there's a. There's a picture of.

[Josh Arnold]

The video is.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, there's a picture of the lion using his selfie stick as a toothpick to get rid of the remains.

[Josh Arnold]

Is the video brutal, Pat? No, they don't show that part. But it takes the lion a lot.

[Tom Griswold]

Longer than I thought to go after him.

[Josh Arnold]

He's like looking at him like, all.

[Chick McGee]

Right, there's a lady who knows all that glitters is gold. No, there's a lady who lives in London and her Instagram and website and the whole thing is called London Puma. And she has a puma as a pet and it's the biggest thing you've ever seen in your life. The tail on this puma is terrifying.

[Tom Griswold]

Legal?

[Chick McGee]

I don't know the answer to that, but she's very much out there. And here's my puma. The thing about, she was making a sandwich and the puma comes over like a dog and is on the seated. And then she, the puma stands up taller than the woman is wanting some of the sandwich meat.

[Josh Arnold]

It's all fun and games until one day when that puma remembers it's a puma.

[Tom Griswold]

Playing the long game. All right.

[Chick McGee]

That's right. Get comfortable. Yeah, get comfortable.

[Josh Arnold]

Take a nap.

[Christy Lee]

Watch the tv.

[Chick McGee]

Have a nap. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Yikes.

[Tom Griswold]

Now will they. If this were the United States, they'd sue the zoo, you know, for. For serving the guy a beer or something and making the. Making the fences not difficult enough for an idiot. That's drunk. The climb.

[Christy Lee]

I doubt that happens in India.

[Chick McGee]

These are drunk friendly fences. You know they are.

[Josh Arnold]

No, in India. They probably do what we should do here, which is. Yeah, that's what happens next.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, you're dumb enough.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay. Well, congratulations.

[Chick McGee]

But then every now and then you'll hear about a baby who fell into a gorilla enclosure. And the gorilla goes up and picks it up and takes it back and cares for it. Cares for it and puts it over the fence or whatever, hands it to mom or whatever the hell it is.

[Josh Arnold]

Those are more rare, but.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, certainly, certainly most often the gorilla would just tear the baby's head off. Sure.

[Josh Arnold]

I broke it.

[Tom Griswold]

Anyway, I. I believe we have something special happening right now.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, we do.

[Tom Griswold]

If you look at the big screen, it's time to check in with. Oh, he's got that Orville. Orville Redenbacher bow tie on.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. Spenders combo.

[Jeff Askay]

This actually was one of Tucker Carlson's old outfits. You guys, it's Jeff Oscar at the failed Dimension news desk. And man, have I have a treat for you. We have a new sponsor this week. Oh, this week it's college basketball season. I'm happy to announce the news desk has a new sponsor this week. The news desk is brought to you by Hoops and Nets. Hoops and Nets. The game wouldn't be the same without him.

[Josh Arnold]

He's right. He is right.

[Jeff Askay]

Now, we give you a lot of the news each week. We don't give you all the news. So I'm here to give you the news that we failed to mention.

[Josh Arnold]

Now here's Jeff Askay with what you failed to mention.

[Jeff Askay]

Knows a man with the legal name of Deez Nuts was arrested in Green Bay and charged with battery last week. What you failed to mention. I actually know this guy. I used to be married to his sister Ima.

[Chick McGee]

I'm a nuts.

[Josh Arnold]

We have a lovely kid together.

[Jeff Askay]

Picasso, the painting pig died. What you failed to mention. Picasso was laid to rest in a pit of coals for around eight hours.

[Chick McGee]

The funeral was delicious. Delicious.

[Jeff Askay]

LSD may help cure anxiety. We learned what you failed to mention. It never helped my anxiety. It did help me understand why people like the Grateful Dead and really appreciate a colony of Ants, but that's about it. Scientists learned that people in the Stone Age had facial piercings. What? You failed to mention they had facial piercings and gave you and your cave woman attitude when you wanted to split the brontosaurus burger. Oh, I think we saw this. Costco is going to start carrying sushi. What? You failed to mention. I'm going to Costco, buying a tent and a sleeping bag and living right next to the sushi sample station. This isn't a joke, that's a promise. I am up on squatters rights recently and if that doesn't work, next time Tom goes out of town, Oscar's got a new house. Yeah, I know where you live now. Try to evict me and you'll get arrested.

[Tom Griswold]

That's the way it works.

[Jeff Askay]

According to New Orleans police officials, rats have been eating all the weed in a police station's evidence room. What you failed to mention. And let me guess, the roaches have been snorting all the missing cocaine. Sure was the rats. A woman was arrested for trying to smuggle 21 parents through customs. What? You failed to mention even worse for the woman, all 21 parents. Parents have turned state's witness. I swallowly swear a woman in Manchester set the world for being the world's fastest window cleaner. What you failed to mention along with the record came 150 marriage proposals.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh yes, you could clean for women. Women want a man who's gonna clean.

[Tom Griswold]

She cooked.

[Jeff Askay]

I thought. I thought the microphone went out.

[Josh Arnold]

Us a second.

[Jeff Askay]

I wish the mayo guy was back.

[Tom Griswold]

Your headphones went out. We were cheering.

[Christopher]

Oh.

[Jeff Askay]

We learned yesterday that Tom loves dodgum cars. Or as the rest of the world knows them, bumper cars.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, sorry.

[Jeff Askay]

And he loved him back in the day because he could bully people. He would wait for the perfect opportunity to strike. What you failed to mention it was at that moment it dawned on me at that exact moment yesterday. That is what all of us are to him. We're human dodgem cars. He sees every. I see everyone's camera. Tom is having the time of his life. He's just sitting back in his corner waiting to strike. You're all trying to have fun. That one of you gets a little momentum and slam. He comes out of the flying out of the corner, blindsides you, just laughs and laughs.

[Tom Griswold]

There's nothing better.

[Jeff Askay]

Oh yeah, and that's why we all have emotional whiplash, thanks to Tom.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, you're welcome.

[Josh Arnold]

Emotional whiplash. It's such a great term.

[Jeff Askay]

And finally, a 103 year old woman was taken into custody after she was caught driving on an expired license at 2am she said she was on her way to meet friends. What? You failed to mention on her way to meet friends. What was she driving? A time machine.

[Josh Arnold]

Have two there.

[Christy Lee]

I like the bow tie.

[Josh Arnold]

I can't give it off. The bow tie might be. It might be a lucky time.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I never know what to make of that.

[Christy Lee]

The bow tie and suspenders.

[Tom Griswold]

No, the bow tie. Look. You know, a couple of.

[Josh Arnold]

It's classy and whimsical. Yes, Yes. I had a doctor who wore one. Really kind of wacky. Very smart, but wacky. A wacky doctor.

[Tom Griswold]

No shirt though. Right, right. Just. Yeah, just the jacket. Where do you go to get a good shirt? Good. A good.

[Chick McGee]

Do they have bow ties where they have neckties? I guess.

[Tom Griswold]

I suppose.

[Christy Lee]

Can you tie a bow tie?

[Tom Griswold]

I got a fake one. I have a fake one.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Most.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

They use it about once every five years.

[Christy Lee]

A venomous snake that escaped from its owner's home in the Netherlands has been found and safely recaptured after a month on the loose. The city of Lyonstad said in a news release that the shield nosed cobra escaped from its owner's home February 19th. It was recently spotted relaxing in a door frame down the street from its owner's home.

[Josh Arnold]

You know who wasn't spotted relaxing? Everyone in that town.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Why do they allow someone to have a captured venomous snake as a pet? I don't get that.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, there's nothing you can do with a cobra, really. I mean, but have it in its terrarium and throw mice in every now and again. Otherwise it would be so terrified.

[Christy Lee]

Unless you're a snake charmer. I don't see any reason.

[Josh Arnold]

And I love snakes. Cobras are so scary.

[Christy Lee]

They're beautiful.

[Chick McGee]

They are.

[Josh Arnold]

They're cool. It's the hood and they're big.

[Chick McGee]

You think that's where they got the idea for the hoodie cobras?

[Josh Arnold]

Yes. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

They look menacing with wearing a hoodie.

[Josh Arnold]

In fact, every cobra gets 2 cents for all. Every hoodie.

[Chick McGee]

That's what I thought. That's why they're so popular.

[Tom Griswold]

Nice.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

So they found it inside a wooden shoe. What was it again?

[Christy Lee]

No, it was relaxing in a door frame.

[Josh Arnold]

God.

[Christy Lee]

A wooden shoe. What the hell is.

[Chick McGee]

What show? He's listening.

[Tom Griswold]

Was it in Holland?

[Christy Lee]

It was in the Netherlands.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, there you go. That's close enough.

[Josh Arnold]

Wasn't there a malt liquor called the Cobra Spit?

[Christy Lee]

I don't recall that.

[Josh Arnold]

Or cobra or something. You guys remember that? I remember seeing ads like in liquor stores. For it when I was a kid.

[Christopher]

Oh.

[Josh Arnold]

Because I used to hang out liquor stores.

[Tom Griswold]

It sounds more like. It sounds more like an energy drink drink.

[Chick McGee]

You grew up in Missouri. It was okay to go in bars, right, when you were a kid?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh yeah. Yeah. Drinking age was five.

[Chick McGee]

Right, Right. Yeah. No, I know Ohio. You could go.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Oh yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

No, I think so. I mean I could be still.

[Christy Lee]

I. We're not used to that in this state.

[Tom Griswold]

Seeing kids in bars now it's all make believe.

[Chick McGee]

Coming up that they'll never.

[Tom Griswold]

Comedian. We're gonna be joined by comedian Chris Schlichting.

[Josh Arnold]

I love that guy.

[Tom Griswold]

Am I getting it right?

[Josh Arnold]

I do too. Yeah. Schlichting. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

That sounds like an activity. I'll tell you what, after we went curling, we went Schlichten.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh yeah. You still sore?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh yeah. My, my ass is killing me. Nobody told me cheating on you.

[Josh Arnold]

Chris Lichting just turned around.

[Chick McGee]

No one would blame him. Yeah.

[Christopher]

Coming up in just a few minutes we're going to find out about Tom's yawn. Is he bored? We'll find out next. This is the Bob and Tom Tom Show. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. The best of the Bob and Tom show here on a Friday. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. You know we get up early every morning. Dog on it.

[Tom Griswold]

Very, very early.

[Christopher]

And Tom gets up before any of us does. Occasionally he gets tired and. And has to yawn. Let's get the details.

[Tom Griswold]

This is the Bob and Tom show. There I am. I see myself right now. Welcome back. This is Thompson, but we are live in the Napa Auto Parts studios. Thanks again for joining us. I'm kind of stuck here on this emoji Bible thing.

[Pat Carlini]

Kind of bothers you, doesn't it?

[Tom Griswold]

They're trying to hip it up. I mean seriously, really.

[Christy Lee]

It's the Bible.

[Tom Griswold]

Like what they. At the last Supper, Jesus watches. He. He watches the. The disciples feet. Then he goes, I want to commemorate this with a selfie. Somebody, somebody grab a camera.

[Chick McGee]

Well, they didn't have cameras.

[Tom Griswold]

Smart uses smart water. The waiter comes over and Jesus says, I'll tell you what, just bring me a pitcher of water. I'll. I'll do the rest. Tell the chef to take the night off. I'm whip up a little something something.

[Chick McGee]

Sure, sure.

[Tom Griswold]

Maybe, maybe one glass of wine and one fish.

[Josh Arnold]

I'll take care of the fellows.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm just saying. Anyway, there's an emoji bible out there.

[Pat Carlini]

I think it kind of cheapens things, don't you?

[Tom Griswold]

I like it.

[Pat Carlini]

Yeah, you like it.

[Tom Griswold]

Emoticon. A hammer and a frowny face for Easter. Good Friday. I'm just saying. Hey, little sacrilege. Never mind. I can't. I'm not all about marketing. Jesus is always.

[Chick McGee]

No one's arguing. Jesus has always had great market.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm actually arguing. I like the Bible. Okay, let's. Let's move forward. Here we have Pat. What have you got over there?

[Pat Carlini]

Well, a Pittsburgh man who robbed a bank with a fake bomb made from a sex toy has been sentenced to prison.

[Chick McGee]

Now we're talking.

[Pat Carlini]

36 year old Aaron Stein pled guilty in March while his attorney argued that desperation drove Stein to don an Iron man mask and use a fake bomb made of sex toys to threaten the tellers. Stein said he robbed a PNC bank last June.

[Chick McGee]

Wait a minute.

[Tom Griswold]

He's got an Iron man mask on and he's got a bomb?

[Chick McGee]

Was it like a bunch of dildos strapped together? You're scared of the shrapnel.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, he used a fake bomb.

[Pat Carlini]

Made out of phone wires, duct tape and a sex toy in an attempt to pay for his honeymoon.

[Chick McGee]

You know, a real bomb would have cost him less. It probably looks spot on.

[Pat Carlini]

He was upset. He had lost $9,000. He was about to get married. How was he going to pay for the honeymoon?

[Tom Griswold]

How did he lose $9,000?

[Pat Carlini]

In a bad investment.

[Tom Griswold]

He bought a dildo store for nine grand. Sounds like he's made a lot of good decisions in his life.

[Pat Carlini]

Yeah, she's probably pretty upset. Can't get married.

[Chick McGee]

Now he's taking all of her dildos as well.

[Tom Griswold]

That's what she's mad about. That's a thick fuse. Did she get that back?

[Chick McGee]

But I don't.

[Tom Griswold]

Can she go to the evidence room? My boyfriend took those when he robbed them. How does that work? Do you get them back? How's the second?

[Pat Carlini]

I don't think you want probably 18 to 36 months in state prison.

[Tom Griswold]

Maybe he can manufacture a shank out of a sex toy wall. By the way, Sex Toy is going to be his nickname.

[Chick McGee]

Sure, sure. Now he's.

[Pat Carlini]

With his little Iron man mask.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Okay. Well, nice to know. What else have you got, Pat?

[Pat Carlini]

Well, on the. On the subject of robberies, a man armed with a sharp rock threatened a clerk at Manchester, New Hampshire convenience store and got away with some cash. Police say the witness.

[Josh Arnold]

A rock.

[Pat Carlini]

A rock. He had a shot.

[Tom Griswold]

Did the guy defend himself with paper or scissors? Who robs a bank with a rock?

[Chick McGee]

Charlie Brown.

[Tom Griswold]

At least the dildo guy That. I suppose it was pointy. Is he a caveman?

[Pat Carlini]

He seemed rather unstable and upset. A witness said he was. He saw a clerk and the robber tumble out of the shop and go in Manchester shortly after noon Tuesday. Witnesses? Sol Haney was witness. He said the robber was crying when he fled the area with the cash.

[Tom Griswold]

There's no crying during a bank robbery.

[Pat Carlini]

Hispanic man in a white shirt, blue pants, a thin man and goatee and visibly upset over Rob.

[Chick McGee]

Butch and Sundance didn't cry when they robbed banks.

[Pat Carlini]

He cried.

[Tom Griswold]

John Dillinger didn't go.

[Chick McGee]

Well, we don't know.

[Tom Griswold]

And he also used a gun.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Not a sharp pointy rock, huh?

[Tom Griswold]

Give me the money or I throw my one rock at you.

[Chick McGee]

Throw my rock.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Pat Carlini]

Really upset him.

[Tom Griswold]

They didn't catch him.

[Pat Carlini]

So he got the. You got the. You get the crying robber and the sex toy. Going to prison, huh?

[Tom Griswold]

I don't know what this bomb looked like. Where was the sex toy taped? In there.

[Chick McGee]

I like a roll of dynamite. Probably right?

[Pat Carlini]

Yeah, probably.

[Christy Lee]

Look like.

[Tom Griswold]

I assume it was multiple dildos.

[Pat Carlini]

Yeah, a few.

[Tom Griswold]

I assumed it was vibrators. I don't think it was like the fleshy looking dildos with veins and everything.

[Pat Carlini]

Hopefully not.

[Tom Griswold]

No one's going to mistake that for a bomb.

[Chick McGee]

Is there any way we can have you say flesh?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, there are distinctions between various sextones. Sure. We have the story.

[Chick McGee]

I have yet to find out what the difference is between a dildo and a vibrator.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, it's not.

[Chick McGee]

But a dildo is anatomically correct.

[Tom Griswold]

Could be. It could be a sculpted, very lifelike. Anatomically correct.

[Chick McGee]

See, I'm getting an answer.

[Tom Griswold]

Flesh, like sculpture.

[Chick McGee]

That's right. It's a work of art.

[Tom Griswold]

Mm. Possibly.

[Chick McGee]

Sure.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm not sure if there's a distinction. We'd have to get a dildographer on the phone.

[Chick McGee]

Certainly.

[Tom Griswold]

As opposed to a dildologist. They pretty much cover the history of.

[Chick McGee]

I think we'd have to talk to a dildologist before we could talk to him.

[Tom Griswold]

To a dildographer.

[Pat Carlini]

Oh, okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Okay.

[Chick McGee]

Maybe they could recommend a good dildo.

[Tom Griswold]

Sure. Of course.

[Pat Carlini]

Remember the ones that won the Good Housekeeping survey? And those didn't look like. They weren't the fleshy ones at all.

[Tom Griswold]

No, those were. Those sex toys looked like dog toys. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

By the way, I have an alligator. Alligator. Going to the bathroom. Would you like to see it?

[Sam Miller]

No.

[Chick McGee]

That'S only one of one. I would love to see it now. I've already watched it.

[Tom Griswold]

Speaking of the big story this morning. Is the gigantic alligator walking across a golf course in Florida. This video is ever. We put it up on the Bob and Tom.

[Chick McGee]

Wait.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that the same alligator? Someone's photographing a poor alligator doing his business. It looked like a.

[Chick McGee]

That's incredible.

[Tom Griswold]

Then we move on.

[Chick McGee]

Size of a Shih Tzu. It looks like a spray can coming out of.

[Tom Griswold]

There we go. The. The alligator walking across the golf course is the big store. We've got it on the Bob and Tom app. Et cetera, et cetera. We have Pat Carlini. You can see her. She's right there at the Bob and Tom news desk. Have we completed sports? Is that just a taste of news? Are we going to go back to.

[Chick McGee]

We're done with sports.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

Unless there's a bullet bulletin.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, then. Well, you have some.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, we have this just in. Hang on a second. After years and years Tom yawning. Morning yawns that he's denied. That happen that scream.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm up.

[Christy Lee]

Sounds like a whale.

[Tom Griswold]

Is it Tom? Does sound like. Where'd that come from?

[Chick McGee]

One of the 15 or 20 times you did that this morning I recorded that.

[Tom Griswold]

Man's allowed to yawn.

[Pat Carlini]

Submarine.

[Chick McGee]

The sound of the whale when you vomit. It's really quite a show.

[Christy Lee]

We don't want to hear that.

[Tom Griswold]

Want to think about it.

[Chick McGee]

Calling the dinosaurs and can be like.

[Tom Griswold]

To make my natural sounds now. I've got a special request here. Thought we'd squeeze in right now. It's from this sound.

[Chick McGee]

Some sort of bonus for our. For our listener. If they hear that they win. They win 20 bucks or something. I don't know what. I've tweeted the same offer. Void this be a ringtone. Yes. Offer that as a ringtone. Put that up online. How would you like. Wait a minute. Hang on a second. Yeah, I'm getting. I'm getting a call.

[Christopher]

Hang on.

[Christy Lee]

I gotta take this or a text.

[Jess Hooker]

Anything.

[Chick McGee]

Good Lord.

[Tom Griswold]

Can't I have my privacy?

[Jess Hooker]

Person.

[Christy Lee]

Are you.

[Chick McGee]

Everybody look at me.

[Tom Griswold]

I was working by myself in my room. Secretly recorded. It does sound like a whale.

[Jess Hooker]

Oh, hang on.

[Chick McGee]

Hang on. Oh, here we go.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Thanks, honey.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

Jesus Christ.

[Christy Lee]

One more time.

[Tom Griswold]

Please do. One more time. Everybody.

[Chick McGee]

Everyone, It's Tom Griswold. Yawning. That is the craziest. That is really something. And I'm not getting that. You say hello. Hello.

[Tom Griswold]

This is the Bob and Tom show. Hello.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, hello there.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, hey, Morgan. How are you?

[Josh Arnold]

I'm fine. Thank you very kindly. I enjoyed your latest sound effect. I can't tell if that's Tom yawning. Mating season is Shawshank. Dom, get ready for the longest night of your life.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that Andy Dufresne saying next?

[Chick McGee]

Oh, and as we have so often on the show. This is good. That's amazing. But get a load of this.

[Pat Carlini]

Oh, no.

[Tom Griswold]

I was sitting here just working this morning early. Had to yawn. I had no idea I was being.

[Chick McGee]

I'm going to guess 10 million actually over under 100 people are going to download this if we make it available.

[Tom Griswold]

Weird sound that's just recorded on your.

[Chick McGee]

Phone does it all morning. I literally got that in one take. I just turned it on and he was. People ask you what time you get to the studio. I don't know, 5, 30. Did you go in the studio?

[Tom Griswold]

No.

[Chick McGee]

Why don't you go in the studio?

[Tom Griswold]

I wonder how many animals are lined up around the building right now.

[Chick McGee]

We need to talk to somebody. Somebody from a zoo. What is this sound? The closest to. There you go. Is it like a wildebeest?

[Christy Lee]

There you go.

[Chick McGee]

Is it like a rhino? Is it like a. We need to contrast. Compare. Find out. Good lord.

[Tom Griswold]

I could listen to that a thousand times. Well, we're gonna come back with our special request.

[Josh Arnold]

Welcome to a very special wild kingdom.

[Chick McGee]

The worst Tarzan ever. It's early morning here in the Serengeti.

[Tom Griswold]

It sounds like Tarzan's a little bit fluid.

[Chick McGee]

You know, Tarzan had to get sick every now.

[Josh Arnold]

Sure, sure.

[Tom Griswold]

It sounds like a mating call.

[Chick McGee]

The strength to call the animal.

[Tom Griswold]

I think it's a moose.

[Chick McGee]

Close to a moose.

[Tom Griswold]

Tom does not need a medium. It explains a lot if that's the mating call. Explains a lot.

[Pat Carlini]

Cuz that no wonder you have seven kids.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow. I was a little sleepy apparently. Okay, when we come back we'll squeeze in our special Pinkard and Bowden request. Play it with the zeppelin again.

[Chick McGee]

No, Zach from Twitter. There is not a tornado coming.

[Tom Griswold]

It's just.

[Chick McGee]

That.

[Tom Griswold]

That is a perfect.

[Christopher]

We are coming right back with a kangaroo escape and comedian Sam Miller coming up next hour. But next we'll find out what nip lips are here on the Bob and Tom show. Is the best of the Bob and Tom show. Welcome back on a Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Let's find out what nip lips are.

[Tom Griswold]

There is a group out there marketing lipstick ladies. This is not my idea. This is a legit news story. Christy, I think you have. It isn't called nip lips or Lipnicks. I have an update and this is a company. They claim what? Christy, do you have the exact.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that the perfect color of lipstick for a woman is the same color as her nipples.

[Tom Griswold]

So they ask you to do what, Jess?

[Jess Hooker]

So they ask you to take a picture of your nipple area, and when they take the picture, it blurs out your nipple so it just looks like a giant areola.

[Sam Miller]

Really?

[Tom Griswold]

How do you do. Do you do that before you send it to them?

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah, you take the. It's all. It's a three. It's three steps in the app. You take the picture, and as soon as you take the picture, they claim that they scan the picture, delete the picture, and then they send you your three lipstick matches.

[Tom Griswold]

But before they delete it, they send it to Russia and China. Is that how this works?

[Jess Hooker]

Within 20 minutes of me taking the picture, scanning, and getting my matches, I got an email that said your password's been changed. If you haven't changed your password, then please. Then please notify us. Yeah, immediately.

[Tom Griswold]

What does that mean?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that means I wouldn't do it. Yeah, that.

[Jess Hooker]

Yes, I. I am. I am suggesting you don't.

[Chick McGee]

But the breach and the fact that.

[Christy Lee]

They send you three matches, they only have eight colors.

[Tom Griswold]

What I would like to touch on is the pseudoscience behind this. Although maybe it's to referring real. Here's the lady. Her name is Renee Moomjajan.

[Jess Hooker]

That's who I emailed yesterday.

[Chick McGee]

This is the ultimate geek angle, though. How do we get girls to send us pictures of their boobies?

[Christy Lee]

Well, but it's women.

[Tom Griswold]

I think the notion behind this is. That is. Here, I'll read it verbatim. The perfect color of lipstick for a woman is the same as her nipples.

[Jess Hooker]

Well, it's not the same as her nipples. It complements her nipple color.

[Christy Lee]

We only have eight colors.

[Jess Hooker]

I promise you the colors that I have are not the colors.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, clearly they're not. Let me ask you this. Let me ask you. I don't want to be too personal here, but the color of your nipples, they're not the same color as your new. Your new fingernail color?

[Jess Hooker]

No, they are not that color.

[Tom Griswold]

No, that'd be very Irish. Bright green nipples.

[Jess Hooker]

Gangrene. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Chick McGee]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

Do goth women have black nipples? I'm just.

[Christy Lee]

No, Tom.

[Tom Griswold]

Just asking.

[Christy Lee]

Let me guess. You could tattoo them.

[Jess Hooker]

Maybe black nipple rings.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, guess the ladies could tattoo them.

[Tom Griswold]

Doesn't that sound like an alt band?

[Jess Hooker]

Black nipple rings.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, before he was in nirvana, he was in black nipple rings. God, they were great.

[Chick McGee]

I've always suspected Tom of having pierced nipples and not ever telling anyone.

[Jess Hooker]

And he wears them chained together.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

Whoa.

[Chick McGee]

Hey, Tommy. I knew it.

[Josh Arnold]

I've had this for 30 years.

[Tom Griswold]

You suspected wrong. I. I do not know.

[Chick McGee]

He doesn't even want to think. Have people think he has pierced the.

[Tom Griswold]

Pain just thinking about that. Yeah, so. But the claim here is the. The pseudo science behind this and almost everything else on the Internet is that if you have your lipstick the same color as your nipples, it is somehow attractive. Although I think if, as I've said before, if you were sitting Christy on a first date with some guy and you said to him, by the way, my lipstick color is the same as my nipples, you might as well just hand him the key to a hotel room and get in the car.

[Christy Lee]

Of course, you might as well just say you want to see my nipples.

[Jess Hooker]

But like Christy said, no, but.

[Sam Miller]

No, but.

[Tom Griswold]

So much more subtle. Subtle. It's so much more romantic. If you were to say romantic. Let's pretend we're on a date here.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, this.

[Josh Arnold]

I love this place.

[Chick McGee]

Everybody get comfortable.

[Tom Griswold]

Pat, can you give me some. Give me a little bit of romantic tinkle on the piano. Kind of bring the piano up. Yeah, the piano was up, sir. There we go. Some kind of. Okay, there's a.

[Christy Lee]

You might bring it down. Just.

[Chick McGee]

Can I be the one? Waiter. I want to be the waiter.

[Josh Arnold]

Hello, everybody.

[Chick McGee]

You two. You look so much in love.

[Tom Griswold]

Describe. Describe the table for me.

[Sam Miller]

Waiter.

[Chick McGee]

What do you mean describe? It's round. Round table.

[Tom Griswold]

A table for two.

[Sam Miller]

It's square.

[Chick McGee]

No, it's a round table.

[Christy Lee]

Well, I like the square.

[Tom Griswold]

There's a linen tablecloth.

[Chick McGee]

Yes, very nice.

[Christy Lee]

Vase of flowers, silverware, all of that. Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Waiter, could you please light my candle?

[Chick McGee]

Let's stop playing footsie.

[Christy Lee]

What's our special tonight?

[Chick McGee]

Halibut.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, how is that prepared?

[Chick McGee]

I'm under a nice waiter.

[Tom Griswold]

You look very. I said. Hey, wait. Could you get me an iced tea with.

[Chick McGee]

We don't have iced tea. Iced tea is for torch.

[Christy Lee]

This is a.

[Chick McGee]

This is an adult restaurant. I'm sorry.

[Tom Griswold]

What.

[Christy Lee]

What happened to a glass of pin.

[Tom Griswold]

Excuse me?

[Chick McGee]

A glass of pino.

[Christy Lee]

An excellent, nice old fashioned.

[Chick McGee]

Excellent choice. I'll get you both.

[Tom Griswold]

Waiter. Waiter. What happened to your accent?

[Chick McGee]

I'm not talking to anymore.

[Tom Griswold]

Wait. You just wait a minute. You just went to Smart face. Just went to a different country.

[Chick McGee]

I don't like you anymore.

[Christopher]

Waiter.

[Tom Griswold]

Could I please speak to the manager?

[Chick McGee]

I am the manager. Oh, I'm the manager and the waiter.

[Christopher]

Time.

[Chick McGee]

We only have four tables.

[Tom Griswold]

You're the manager. So we did the manager. Not when you got the job. Didn't they ask you to please wear pants?

[Chick McGee]

Get rid of this man.

[Tom Griswold]

Also, you're calling security.

[Chick McGee]

That's right.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, does that mean this bit's over? Yeah. Can you get back to the piano, please?

[Josh Arnold]

I was playing two parts.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, he's veto. He's the piano player.

[Tom Griswold]

You can't be the security guy and the piano player.

[Josh Arnold]

Tony the piano player.

[Chick McGee]

And veto. Yeah, Tony the piano player. Veto, the bouncer.

[Tom Griswold]

You can't change names in the middle of a bit.

[Chick McGee]

Anyway, you.

[Tom Griswold]

So, Christy, we're on a romantic day.

[Christy Lee]

First date.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

And now you're not going to just say to me, hey, you want to see my nipples? We haven't even gotten the iced tea yet. Which they have to brew, right? Waiter, do you have brewed iced tea?

[Chick McGee]

No, we have no iced tea. We have adult alcoholic drinks for adults. We don't have milk. We don't have sodas. We have liquor. Well, hard liquor.

[Christy Lee]

What about a club soda? You could drink a club soda.

[Tom Griswold]

Can I have one of the mixers a club soda? No lime.

[Chick McGee]

No mixers. As a matter of fact, that's the name of the restaurant. No mixers.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, I am going to give this one hell of a lousy Yelp review. What's your name again? Vito.

[Chick McGee]

She need my help. Vito, get over here. Get this guy. Tell Tony to pick up the devil.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, could we. So back to our romantic dates. And then, Christy, you. You. Then you look me in the eyes and you say, would you like my lipstick?

[Chick McGee]

He can't help help himself.

[Christy Lee]

As if I can't figure this out for myself. You know, I'm really. I love this restaurant. It's so nice of you to bring me here. And do you like my lipstick color?

[Tom Griswold]

I think your. Your lipstick color is amazing.

[Christy Lee]

Really? Well, guess what?

[Chick McGee]

Here's your Old Fashioned. Oh, sorry.

[Tom Griswold]

Tony. Is that your name again? I forget this. This bitch dragged on for so long.

[Chick McGee]

My waiter name is Marquis.

[Christy Lee]

You're totally ruining the.

[Tom Griswold]

Not Marcus.

[Chick McGee]

No, Marquis.

[Tom Griswold]

Marquis. Marquis. Could you. Could you make yourself busy doing anything else but hovering here?

[Chick McGee]

Certainly.

[Tom Griswold]

We were having.

[Christy Lee]

Leave that Old Fashioned.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm doing Marquis accent now.

[Chick McGee]

Why would you. Yes, why do you have an accent?

[Tom Griswold]

How's your Old Fashioned?

[Josh Arnold]

Looks lovely.

[Tom Griswold]

In fact, I love watching your Old Fashioned pass over your lips.

[Pat Carlini]

Really?

[Christy Lee]

You like it when I eat the cherry?

[Chick McGee]

Here's your Pinot Noir. Here's your Pinot Noir.

[Christy Lee]

I'll save that for dinner.

[Tom Griswold]

If you give me the cherry, I'll tie a knot of nut with my tongue.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, really? Oh, that's quite a trick.

[Chick McGee]

Well, that's ridiculous.

[Tom Griswold]

It's not a trick.

[Christy Lee]

I have a trick of my own.

[Tom Griswold]

What is that?

[Chick McGee]

Oh, I saw I was dropping.

[Tom Griswold]

Could the. Could the piano player. Could you please keep playing with these?

[Chick McGee]

Come on.

[Tom Griswold]

Could you please keep tinkling the same two chords?

[Chick McGee]

I'm gonna throw you out, Kenny.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, Billy Joel, how about a key change if you want some bread in your jar? I'm sorry, you.

[Christy Lee]

Well, we were talking about how wonderful the restaurant is, and for a first date, this is pretty amazing.

[Chick McGee]

Should I leave you too alone, or would you like it?

[Christy Lee]

Would you quit butting in?

[Tom Griswold]

My usual.

[Chick McGee]

My usual. My usual.

[Tom Griswold]

Waiter. Charles.

[Christy Lee]

Yes?

[Tom Griswold]

Because I can't be here tonight. I'm not quite sure who.

[Christy Lee]

Who this guy is.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm not. I apologize. Marquis seems rather allowed. I.

[Chick McGee]

You need a fresh basket of bread.

[Tom Griswold]

You look very nice.

[Christy Lee]

Well, do you like my lipstick color?

[Tom Griswold]

I love your lipstick color.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, well, thank you. Here's a very special something just for you. My lipstick color matches my nipple color.

[Chick McGee]

That's in my phone box. Kenny. Kenny, earmuffs over here.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, Billy Joel, Back to the piano.

[Christy Lee]

I only wear it for very special people.

[Chick McGee]

By the way, we're out of meat tonight.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, I thought we were having. I thought we were having the halibut.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, that's right. I think there's one piece left.

[Tom Griswold]

We're the first two customers in the restaurant. How can there only be one piece left?

[Josh Arnold]

I ate all the halibuts.

[Tom Griswold]

Back to the piano.

[Chick McGee]

Kenny loves your.

[Tom Griswold]

Your lipstick color matches your nipples.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Does your eye color match your vulnerability?

[Christy Lee]

You know what?

[Chick McGee]

Perhaps that's too graphic, because if it.

[Christy Lee]

Was green, you wouldn't want to go anywhere near it.

[Tom Griswold]

Any ports in a storm?

[Chick McGee]

Now I'm doing.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm doing Charles accent. I don't know what happened. The point is, there's a new story that suggests that your lipsticks didn't match your nipple color. We'll get back to that. Wait a minute. This is possibly the worst. This is the worst sportscaster we've ever done. And that is a very high bar. Thank you, Billy Joel. Coming up, we do.

[Chick McGee]

His name was Tony World Records. Kenny.

[Tom Griswold]

What is Tony? No, he's veto. He's Tony.

[Chick McGee]

Kenny. Tony.

[Christy Lee]

No, he's mar.

[Tom Griswold]

He's marquee. Okay.

[Chick McGee]

Mar, K, M, A, R, Q, U, E. Q, U, E. Okay, apostrophe.

[Tom Griswold]

What is the apostrophe for?

[Chick McGee]

Call me later.

[Tom Griswold]

Does it have an umlat? I'd like it. I'd like an oomlet with no cheese and extra mushrooms.

[Chick McGee]

We're out of cheese.

[Tom Griswold]

Does there a restaurant that does the. The umlaut omelette where it comes in two dots?

[Chick McGee]

It's actually.

[Christopher]

Come on back in just a couple of minutes. One of our faves, comedians, Sam Miller, is coming up next. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back to more of the Bob and Tom Show. The best of the Bob and Tom show here on a Friday morning. Gang is back in here live in the studio on Monday. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios here. Sam Miller has appeared on the show a couple of times. I think this might be the first time he was on the show. Let's check it out.

[Chick McGee]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. At the news desk, it's Jess Hooker.

[Jess Hooker]

Hello.

[Chick McGee]

There's Pat.

[Tom Griswold]

God.

[Chick McGee]

In the performance room.

[Josh Arnold]

Hey, Chick.

[Chick McGee]

Josh Arnold is here at the sidekick chair.

[Josh Arnold]

Hi, Jer.

[Chick McGee]

There's Ace Cosby. Hey, I'm Chick McGee. And here's Tom Griswold with our very special guest.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, thank you very much. We are joined in the studio by comedian Sam Miller. If you. How do I word this? You can't see Sam. Sam is a man of a certain size.

[Chick McGee]

Unless you're watching YouTube.

[Tom Griswold]

A big fella. You can see him on the YouTube. That's right, the Bhavatom YouTube channel. How tall are you, Sam?

[Sam Miller]

I am six foot six.

[Pat Carlini]

Six.

[Sam Miller]

I am three hundred and sixty pounds. Three hundred and seventy right now.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, okay.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah. But I've been doing cardio.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah. And it's working. It's just my legs are bigger. My middle is the same size.

[Tom Griswold]

Sure.

[Josh Arnold]

You gained some of that muscle.

[Tom Griswold]

You.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

It's good to see you. And now by way of background, you are. Now you're a married man, is this correct?

[Sam Miller]

Very married.

[Chick McGee]

Very married.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

Okay.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah, I'm really good at being married. It's really easy. I'm not into that. A lot of people are into the poly stuff.

[Josh Arnold]

I don't.

[Tom Griswold]

Poly, Multiple polyamorous.

[Chick McGee]

Like a. Like a throuple. Tom. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sam Miller]

Three people.

[Tom Griswold]

No, thanks.

[Chick McGee]

Thrle.

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, no, no.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah. I have a hard time with math, so I just. One on one, baby. That's what I'm looking for.

[Jess Hooker]

No zone defense. Right.

[Josh Arnold]

Stay focused.

[Sam Miller]

No, no, but that's great to be back.

[Tom Griswold]

Thank you for having me. We'll check in with you in a matter of moments. I want to get a couple quick news headlines sitting in. As you can see, for Christy Lee, it's just Hooker. Looking good today. Jess thanks, Tom. There was some implication that I was saying, suggesting you had a lot of work done, referring to your house. Not. Right, right, right.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

No work on our place.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. But there we go. Now, yesterday, we had a fascinating story about a guy that had a ruler tattooed on his finger.

[Jess Hooker]

Yes, we did.

[Tom Griswold]

He must have been a carpenter or something.

[Josh Arnold]

He was a navyman, wasn't he?

[Jess Hooker]

Yes, he worked on the ships.

[Chick McGee]

Navyman.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. Navyman.

[Chick McGee]

Is that what they call.

[Josh Arnold]

Absolutely.

[Tom Griswold]

Seaman.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay. Oh, they like to be called navum.

[Tom Griswold]

So he. But I thought it was interesting he was able to be handy if you were a carpenter.

[Chick McGee]

Don't you think people with tattoos are just generally filthy, Filthy, filthy people. Right.

[Sam Miller]

I don't trust.

[Chick McGee]

I notice you have a tattoo of an AK on your right arm. Is that it?

[Sam Miller]

Yeah, that was a mistake.

[Chick McGee]

I tell you, I hate tattoos, and I hate them. Who wear them?

[Tom Griswold]

A chick has.

[Chick McGee]

I'm showing.

[Sam Miller]

I got this gun tattoo to look tough. And then after I got sober, I got a job at a preschool, and they. They made me wear a sock on my arm.

[Josh Arnold]

Like Mick Foley.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Sam Miller]

And the kids would.

[Josh Arnold]

The kids would be like, what's wrong with your arm?

[Sam Miller]

And I was like, I got a boo boo.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, you should have totally turned that into a puppet. That would have been puppet time.

[Jess Hooker]

And it's a.

[Josh Arnold]

There's a hand grenade as well there.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah, yeah. They used to have, like, a temper.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. That let people know.

[Tom Griswold]

Did it?

[Sam Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

What about the fish?

[Tom Griswold]

What's on the other arm?

[Sam Miller]

Well, I wanted the other arm to.

[Tom Griswold]

Be chill because the balance I can't see.

[Sam Miller]

Fish and a daisy.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah, that's cool.

[Tom Griswold]

Looks like a big, big fish. Now, have you gotten any tattoos since your.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, publicized sobriety?

[Sam Miller]

I got. Yeah, I got the seagull on my. My new ones that I got. Since I've been on the show. I got a seagull on my knee. Okay. Because I have a joke I used to do about how when I got sober, there was a rumor going around that I was eating seagull eggs, but it's not true. I never ate seagull eggs. That's a rumor. Okay. And I also just got the Capitol Theater signed from Olympia, Washington, and that's the theater that I woke up in front of On June 10, 2008, my last day, homeless. And also where I recorded my debut comedy album. Same theater.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, where's that one?

[Sam Miller]

That's in Olympia, Washington.

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, no, on your body.

[Sam Miller]

I also got the tattoo in Olympia.

[Josh Arnold]

And.

[Sam Miller]

No, it's on My leg and it's still like, it's still healing. It's still. It still hurts a little bit.

[Chick McGee]

That's a Netflix movie waiting to happen, right?

[Josh Arnold]

Right?

[Sam Miller]

Yeah, yeah, I'm still waiting for the call.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. You woke up homeless on the street in your own vomit.

[Josh Arnold]

No, no, no, no, Tom. Vomit.

[Chick McGee]

I.

[Sam Miller]

No idea I'm making this movie.

[Chick McGee]

Could have been his, I guess.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. I like. Didn't Jimmy Hendrix die choking on his.

[Chick McGee]

Own, but he didn't wake up? Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Then the one wonder. It wouldn't be such a good movie.

[Sam Miller]

No, I. I woke up under a tarp with a homeless lady. We were doing tarp stuff.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I'm not gonna go into details.

[Chick McGee]

Hey, Pat, you like the tarps?

[Jess Hooker]

I was gonna say you don't have to be homeless to do tarp stuff.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, yeah, you could do blanket stuff.

[Jeff Askay]

You could.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Sam Miller]

But I always. I always tell folks like I was homeless too, so it wasn't that weird at all.

[Jess Hooker]

Right.

[Sam Miller]

It would have been weird if I woke up with like a middle class lady.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh yeah. Or vice versa. If.

[Jess Hooker]

If you were out wondering for tarps and weren't.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, some preppy frat guys. Well, you know, banging a homeless babe at the front of the gutter.

[Chick McGee]

You know how this works. You know how this show works.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, when you say like that it's not as hot. You really killed the vibe.

[Chick McGee]

You know, there's some housewife out there right now. That's her thing is banging a homeless guy.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Jess Hooker]

Maybe she just has her husband dressed up like that.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I doubt it.

[Josh Arnold]

Better puzzle, I guarantee. No, you know, it's out there.

[Chick McGee]

I guarantee you it's.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, how long were you homeless, Sam?

[Sam Miller]

It was. It's complicated, cuz I lived in a barn for a while.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

But I guess that sounds nice.

[Sam Miller]

Well, it's still technically homeless.

[Tom Griswold]

Was anyone aware that you were living in the barn?

[Sam Miller]

Yeah, cuz they didn't want me in the house.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, right.

[Tom Griswold]

They were like, go to the barn.

[Sam Miller]

I was like, like, Jesus, like, what a deal.

[Tom Griswold]

Did you sleep in the hay or.

[Sam Miller]

No, there wasn't any hay in the. No, I was. I was upstairs. You know what's weird? This is a weird thing I used to do is I had a carpenter's pencil and I would write like math equations on the ceiling, but I don't know anything about math.

[Chick McGee]

Okay.

[Sam Miller]

I just wanted the next person that lived in the barn to think that the other person who lived there was really smart.

[Josh Arnold]

Will Hunting?

[Sam Miller]

Yeah. No, no, No, I watched that Beautiful Mind movie. I was like, maybe I'm secretly a genius.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow, that's.

[Josh Arnold]

Didn't Patrick Swayze and Roadhouse sort of live in a bar?

[Tom Griswold]

He didn't.

[Josh Arnold]

Good company before.

[Jess Hooker]

They were popular.

[Josh Arnold]

But while you were without. What do they. What do they call it now? Temporarily unhoused?

[Chick McGee]

No, it's.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Chick McGee]

They're houseless. They're not homeless.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Temporarily unhoused, I believe, is the current.

[Sam Miller]

I used to work at a shelter, and I get why they use those terms because, like, if you're like, oh, that person's homeless, and, like, that's. There's a lot of different types of homeless folks. A lot of reason people get homeless, so I get it. But also, I don't care what people call.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, Right.

[Tom Griswold]

I. I'm technically homeless because I don't live in an rv, so.

[Josh Arnold]

Right.

[Tom Griswold]

You could be RV less.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I'm yachtless.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes. I'm trailerless.

[Josh Arnold]

I see what you're saying.

[Tom Griswold]

So you're trying to put a positive spin on it.

[Josh Arnold]

Right now I feel we're being classless.

[Tom Griswold]

No, I think tasteless.

[Jeff Askay]

Yes.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Sam, were you ever hit on by, like, what. What Tom was asking about, like, a. A housewife?

[Sam Miller]

I would go home with women.

[Chick McGee]

Women.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah. Like, because.

[Tom Griswold]

There you go.

[Sam Miller]

Because. Because, you know.

[Tom Griswold]

Did they know that you were gonna stay?

[Sam Miller]

Yeah, I tried. Every dog has his day.

[Josh Arnold]

Sure.

[Sam Miller]

You know, but usually I date these women, and it take them, like, a week and a half, and they'd be like, I've never seen his place.

[Josh Arnold]

And it's like, actually, have we just drove by.

[Tom Griswold]

That's my box.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah. In a way, I have more homes than you.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes. So did you. How did you clean your clothes?

[Sam Miller]

You know. God, I can't believe I'm gonna talk about this, but I used to just wear overalls. Like, I had this one summer, all I wore was overalls and football cleats, and I would just jump in the lake, like, my whole self, and.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah, you say.

[Chick McGee]

Did you say football cleats?

[Sam Miller]

Yeah. I was a good football player in high school, and I went to my mom's house because I wore out my shoes, and all I could find was offensive lineman cleats, and I wore them until they became regular shoes.

[Tom Griswold]

You wore off the cleats.

[Jess Hooker]

That is efficient.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, because cleats don't really give that kind of traction on asphalt. No, I throw them in the field. Yeah, I bet.

[Tom Griswold]

So you found women that found a shirtless guy wearing overalls with a lot of bo and cleats they wanted to.

[Josh Arnold]

Take, and he was temporarily unclean.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah. I think they thought I was an.

[Tom Griswold]

Artist or a tap.

[Jess Hooker]

That's true.

[Tom Griswold]

There you go.

[Sam Miller]

They were like. Or they hated their dad. I don't know.

[Josh Arnold]

Either way, it worked out probably the.

[Chick McGee]

Way it's a way.

[Tom Griswold]

Sam Miller is our guest, and I brought up the tattoo thing because I. Yeah, you have some prominent tattoos, but Ms. Hooker has actually had a couple of tattoos removed.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

And they. They were in. Well, they were on your fingers.

[Jess Hooker]

They were on my fingers.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

In college, I thought it would be funny to get a Fu Manchu tattooed on both of my fingers.

[Tom Griswold]

In other words, she's got a big line on the fingers.

[Jess Hooker]

You can't see it anymore. I had them removed.

[Tom Griswold]

You hold them up to your mouth. Show them how you do it.

[Christy Lee]

You do this.

[Sam Miller]

That's awesome.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

I mean, it would have been equally effective if I would have just had a sharpie and drew them on there.

[Tom Griswold]

But on the occasion of a fun party.

[Jess Hooker]

Right? Yeah. So, yeah, I had those. That. That was the first tattoo I had.

[Tom Griswold]

And you did. Have you had them. Technically, they were removed.

[Jess Hooker]

Removed.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Do you mind if I ask what that cost?

[Jess Hooker]

That one was, like, I want to say, like, 12, $1500 to have.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

And right now I'm in the middle of having. Having a sleeve removed, so.

[Josh Arnold]

So that's gonna be thousands.

[Tom Griswold]

It's not cheap.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Wow.

[Josh Arnold]

No, no, those. Those tattoos are cheap.

[Chick McGee]

That's why you're getting them cheap and really, really hot. Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, Sam, has anyone ever offered to. Would you want to get the. Whatever you have. Sword gun removed?

[Sam Miller]

No. I don't know. It's a good reminder of, like, kind of like the person I was and who I was trying to be and who I'm not anymore and who I am. And also, like, I don't. If anybody ever wants to be. And I think chick, you'll understand, like, if anybody ever wants to be, like, oh, I don't like that. Because he's got tattoos. It's like, all right, man. Peace out, dude.

[Josh Arnold]

Like, yeah, that's not a positive. Yeah, sure.

[Tom Griswold]

But you. Have. You had the sense not to put any on your face?

[Sam Miller]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

That's an unfortunate trend I keep seeing.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. I don't know, man.

[Sam Miller]

The world keeps moving forward.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't think that's.

[Chick McGee]

No, but you really have to find. You were hunt to find a tattoo artist who would put something on your face.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, they. Some of them don't do it.

[Chick McGee]

Some of them. Absolutely. And they. They don't.

[Tom Griswold]

They have standards.

[Chick McGee]

They really, like, interview you if you want to have a name. I tattooed anywhere. Yeah. They're really careful about that too.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Sam Miller]

I had a friend of mine who went to prison in Northern California, and this was before face tattoos were a thing. And he came back and his whole face was tattooed. And I remember seeing him and just being like. And gasping.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Sam Miller]

But now I see.

[Josh Arnold]

See it.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah, I see it quite a lot.

[Josh Arnold]

Post Malone is kind of popularizing. He got the tattoo in prison.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah, I think so. I think so. Yeah. And I don't know. I'm not gonna get any tattoos on my face. I got a good. I got a cool face.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah. And I. My body is gonna be what it's gonna be, so I should probably really focus.

[Tom Griswold]

What would you say you're six. Six feet. What is it?

[Sam Miller]

Six, six. And I'm 370 right now. I always say 360, but I'm 360. 70, but I go. I went to the doctor. My blood pressure is good. It's not good, but it's. It's. It's safe.

[Jeff Askay]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

You have a lot of tattooable real estate, if you will, on your body.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Vast amounts of flu.

[Sam Miller]

I got a joke about that, about big women, and I love big women, and it's nice because they got more room for tattoos, you know, larger canvas.

[Tom Griswold]

Is your. Is your. A wife, a woman of a certain size?

[Sam Miller]

She is, and I love it.

[Jeff Askay]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Sam has told us many. He loves the bigger women.

[Tom Griswold]

She.

[Sam Miller]

She rules. She's large. I like big women. That's what I'm into. I've always been a romantic, too, you know, I like to make a little bath. Like the. Draw a bath, but you don't put too much water in there.

[Josh Arnold]

Sure.

[Sam Miller]

With the big lady.

[Tom Griswold]

I know what you. This is. This is Archimedes rule.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, right.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, sure.

[Chick McGee]

That's right.

[Jess Hooker]

There you go.

[Sam Miller]

Is that Archimedes?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. He was way ahead of his time. Yeah. He was bathing big, beautiful women.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. And he learned.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, he learned.

[Tom Griswold]

A lot of people learn that rule when they're doing that turkey thing with the deep fryer.

[Christopher]

Oh, sure.

[Tom Griswold]

And they put. They put the oil in, and then they put the turkey in, and the oil catches the house on fire because there's too much. That's Archimedes right there. So you said your wife is also a. A large lady, to be kind. What. How do you like to describe her? Rubenesque beautiful or Rubens esque?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, she's beautiful.

[Sam Miller]

I Call her beautiful and amazing. And I miss her. And I can't wait to get back home.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes. Good for you, Sam.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm being complimented.

[Josh Arnold]

No, you're not.

[Chick McGee]

That's the thing.

[Josh Arnold]

Anytime you say to be kind, it's the meanest part of the sentence.

[Christy Lee]

Usually.

[Chick McGee]

You haven't said chunkles yet.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, that.

[Sam Miller]

But you have.

[Tom Griswold]

No, I was. Because he was saying that she was a large gal, so she had more room for tattoos.

[Sam Miller]

I appreciate you having my back.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, he'd have her back, but it's too big.

[Sam Miller]

Tom scares me on some levels. On some levels, not at all.

[Tom Griswold]

You jokingly said that.

[Chick McGee]

Kick his ass, Sam. Kick his ass.

[Tom Griswold]

Your wife. Your wife has a lot of room for tattoos.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah, she's beautiful.

[Tom Griswold]

So what does she. So I. My. I'm trying to get the subject, but Josh keeps interrupting me.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

What kind of tattoos does she have?

[Sam Miller]

She's got all kinds of stuff, man. My favorite tattoo she has has is of a. Like a pinup girl, like, nursing, and she got that after our first son was born.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, that's sweet.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah, it's really cool. And she's got a lot of stuff. She's got a Gilda Radner tattoo.

[Christopher]

Nice.

[Tom Griswold]

A portrait of Gilda.

[Sam Miller]

It's. It's kind of like a. They have, like, the 13 on the 13th. You know about this? On Friday the 13th. A lot of tattoo shops they run.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, they do, yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

And you get to pick one of the ones that they post, right?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Miller]

And she picked the Gilda Radner.

[Tom Griswold]

By the way, on a very sad note, Joe Joel Flaherty died.

[Jess Hooker]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I saw that.

[Tom Griswold]

The great SCTV actor. But yeah, so see the guy?

[Sam Miller]

He was in Happy Gilmore.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Jackass.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

He was on Freaks and Geeks. What was. He did the fake late night host on sctv just Count Floyd. Really hilarious.

[Chick McGee]

And.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, who else? I'm trying to think of the other.

[Chick McGee]

It was also Guy Caballo.

[Tom Griswold]

There you go.

[Chick McGee]

He was a general manager of sctv.

[Josh Arnold]

Very funny.

[Chick McGee]

He was in a wheelchair, but. But didn't need it. Yeah, he'd hop out of the wheelchair when he got mad.

[Tom Griswold]

Very, very nice.

[Chick McGee]

No, we're gonna be there, I guess.

[Tom Griswold]

No, we're acknowledging. Look, it's just Hooker over there.

[Jess Hooker]

Here I am.

[Tom Griswold]

You ever see a Linda Ronstadt album from about 1979?

[Jess Hooker]

I got my haircut and there's lots of feathering and bangs and I think you look great.

[Sam Miller]

I think it's fun.

[Tom Griswold]

Thanks.

[Jess Hooker]

I like it too. I like it. I know, it's not necessarily popular, but I'm very nice.

[Tom Griswold]

Thank you.

[Sam Miller]

I'm a great guy, cuz I love all haircuts.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah.

[Chick McGee]

All haircuts.

[Jess Hooker]

That' lesson to learn.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't.

[Sam Miller]

It's. It's really.

[Tom Griswold]

I hate most. I think the. The current fashion for men. I can't stand with the shaved side. Guys look like they're poodles. Ridiculous. They're in the Hitler youth.

[Jess Hooker]

Well, you're gonna hate this. I'm this close to getting a pixie cut. Just. Just.

[Josh Arnold]

Who hates that?

[Jess Hooker]

I know Tom does.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I didn't.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't know heterosexual men. Anybody else?

[Josh Arnold]

No way, man.

[Jess Hooker]

Like a pixie.

[Josh Arnold]

Real cute.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I think they're what you say say before you say it or you just blurt it out.

[Tom Griswold]

Sorry. Han and I are both on that list.

[Jess Hooker]

Yes, Han.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, he is.

[Tom Griswold]

Keep. Don't, don't. Don't give yourself the butch haircut, ladies, unless you're.

[Sam Miller]

You know, I love women with really short hair from. Because I had the hots for Sigourney Weaver and aliens.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Miller]

I also like girls that fight aliens.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

So maybe it's that super hot.

[Christy Lee]

There you go.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, well, I'm sorry.

[Josh Arnold]

So, so sorry.

[Tom Griswold]

So you're gonna get a. Going to get the old flat top.

[Jess Hooker]

I like every 10 years, I just chop it all off. And we're. We're coming to that time.

[Jeff Askay]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

How short?

[Jess Hooker]

Like just a pixie.

[Josh Arnold]

It's.

[Jess Hooker]

It's short.

[Josh Arnold]

She's not going to go ghost with a gorian.

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah, no, I'm not. I mean, it's. It's not going to be a buzz cut or anything. There's going to be a style.

[Tom Griswold]

Could we vote? Could we have, like, a no audience participation thing?

[Chick McGee]

I don't think so.

[Jess Hooker]

No, I really, I don't.

[Chick McGee]

Fine. Are you going to ever admit how preoccupied you are with hair and haircuts and because you're bald? Does that. Does that enter into this conversation? No, that's nothing to do with it. Has Sam Senior sideburns, though. I. I don't think you. You. You do a service.

[Jess Hooker]

Tom's significant other is out of town, and when she's gone, he doesn't have to shave his sideburns.

[Chick McGee]

He looks like Millard Fillmore.

[Sam Miller]

It looks like those little kid hats that you tie at the bottom.

[Tom Griswold]

I would consider that an insult if it weren't an insult. No, don't cut your hair. Your hair looks great.

[Josh Arnold]

Do whatever you want, Jess.

[Tom Griswold]

Thanks, Josh. You can do Whatever you want.

[Jess Hooker]

Do you want to have a job here?

[Josh Arnold]

No, no, no, no, no, no. What's the worst thing that's gonna happen? You get fired. Boy, oh boy, what a blessing.

[Chick McGee]

No more therapy.

[Christopher]

We have more coming up in just a minute. A Playboy bunny and a kangaroo escape. Or a Playboy kangaroo and a bunch of escape.

[Chick McGee]

I, I don't know.

[Christopher]

It's Bob and Tom show.

[Tom Griswold]

Have you always wanted to do voice impressions but no one can figure out who you're supposed to be?

[Christopher]

Oh man, that just happened to me last weekend.

[Tom Griswold]

I walked into a party, I said.

[Christopher]

My name is Bond, James Bond. I'll have a martini shaken, notched out.

[Tom Griswold]

And they all just stand at me. Well, now you can learn directly from the master comedian and impressionist, Frank Caliendo.

[Chick McGee]

Hi, I'm Frank Caliendo. Or wait, wait, wait, wait. Maybe it's not Frank. Maybe it's me or Jeff Goldblum. Or maybe it's not.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm joking.

[Chick McGee]

It really is me, Frank Caliendo. And I'm here to tell you about my amazing new program. The Voice Impersonator School of America. That's where it teach everyday people to do dead on impressions like Liam Neeson.

[Josh Arnold]

I have a very particular set of.

[Chick McGee]

Skills and one of those skills is teaching people how to talk like Liam Neeson. Pretty neat, huh? Sure is, Frank.

[Tom Griswold]

The Voice Impersonator School of America. Just listen to what this graduate has to say.

[Chick McGee]

I never was no good at doing impersonations until I went to Frank's school.

[Tom Griswold]

But now, well, check this out. Are you talking to me?

[Chick McGee]

Are you talking to me? You must be talking to me because I'm Robert De Niro in that one movie where I drive a cab. Are you talking to me? That was Robert De Niro. Pretty good, right? This school is a great investment and there's no risk. If you don't pass each voice with a B plus or better, you get your money back. So far Frank hasn't had to refund a single. Sure, damn right. Heck, I'm thinking about getting my master's degree. Or as the Terminator Arnold Schwarzenegger would.

[Tom Griswold]

Say, I will be back.

[Chick McGee]

That's an A plus, my friend.

[Christopher]

Don't delay.

[Tom Griswold]

Classes are filling up fast. You can learn all 1000 voices from the man of a Thousand voices for just $20,000. That's only $20 per voice. Let's listen in on a classroom as Frank shares his gift with students.

[Chick McGee]

Okay, remember, remember, the voice is deep and gravelly in the back of your throat. You are Al Pacino. Repeat after me. Hoorah. Wow, that was amazing. Every single one. You get an A. Okay. Al Pacino was 628. Number 629. Repeat after me. Alrighty. Frank, you tell your mom and dad I said hello. Excuse me, Professor Caliendo?

[Tom Griswold]

Yes?

[Chick McGee]

You have a question?

[Christopher]

Who was that supposed to be?

[Chick McGee]

That's Dennis, the guy who worked at the corner store in my neighborhood as a kid. Nice guy. A pluses all around. Number of 630 is a good one. Ted Knight.

[Josh Arnold]

Try this.

[Chick McGee]

Sporting.

[Tom Griswold]

I want you in the golf course in five minutes.

[Chick McGee]

Minutes. Drop chop. Great. A plus for everyone.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, number six. 31.

[Chick McGee]

Ted Knight's laugh.

[Tom Griswold]

Wait, those count as two?

[Josh Arnold]

Yes, yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Ted Knight is one.

[Chick McGee]

And Ted Knight's laugh is two. Maybe you should have signed up for math class, not voice impressions class. Hi, this is Morgan Freeman, as portrayed by my good friend, Frank Caliento. If I were really here, I'd tell you Frank's school is completely legit. And I encourage everyone to enroll immediately. Tell them Morgan Freeman sent you.

[Christopher]

Morgan Freeman and all other celebrity voices are fake impersonations by celebrity Voice impersonator Frank Caliento, who claims he's also a celebrity.

[Jess Hooker]

Hey.

[Chick McGee]

Hey.

[Tom Griswold]

I am a celebrity voice impersonator.

[Chick McGee]

School of America.

[Tom Griswold]

Call now to enroll before any lawyers.

[Chick McGee]

Get wind of this. So call that number on your screen. There's about probably no number on the.

[Sam Miller]

Screen because it's radio.

[Chick McGee]

Make up a number, dial it, It'll probably be me.

[Christy Lee]

444.

[Tom Griswold]

Boom. Thank you very much.

[Christopher]

It's the best of the Bob and Tom show here on a Friday morning. And Happy New Year again. This is Chris to speaking from the Bob and Tom studios. A Playboy bunny and a kangaroo escape coming up in this segment.

[Tom Griswold]

All right, could we move on here, Christy, what else?

[Christy Lee]

Women who once wore the iconic Playboy bunny tail and ears gather for the 50th anniversary of a former Playboy club in Wisconsin. This weekend, former Playboy bunny Diane Peterson is organizing the two day reunion of employees of the club in Lake Geneva. She tells the Kenosha News that one hundred and seventeen bunnies have confirmed that they will attend.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow.

[Christy Lee]

Among those attending will be original Bunnies who opened the resort in 1968. Two bunnies who were there when the club closed in 1981.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, boy. Hello, dog. I used to be a Playboy bunny.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you like what you see?

[Chick McGee]

You want to see my fluffy tail?

[Josh Arnold]

Nana needs another cocktail.

[Tom Griswold]

So now all of the bunnies smoked for the last 50 years.

[Josh Arnold]

That's right.

[Tom Griswold]

That's what they're saying.

[Josh Arnold]

Hugh loved me the most.

[Tom Griswold]

He would never admit it. Half. Half.

[Chick McGee]

One night.

[Tom Griswold]

If you call him Hugh, you don't get invited.

[Christy Lee]

I called him Hugh cuz nobody gets invited to the mansion anymore.

[Chick McGee]

All I was wearing was Hugh's captain.

[Tom Griswold]

I'll never forget back then he didn't.

[Josh Arnold]

Want to be called heft.

[Tom Griswold]

Call me Mrs. F. Did he end up getting. Wasn't he interred next to Marilyn Monroe?

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, grow up.

[Christy Lee]

He's on top of her actually.

[Tom Griswold]

Really? It's a mausoleum. Right.

[Josh Arnold]

It's a woman his age, so it's kind of odd.

[Christopher]

That's right.

[Chick McGee]

Very few of us left his age.

[Josh Arnold]

Brett still smells like Jimmy K.

[Tom Griswold]

But.

[Chick McGee]

He was a nice guy. He'd come in, you'd service him, he'd give you a 20.

[Josh Arnold]

Just what you wanted.

[Chick McGee]

What a guy.

[Josh Arnold]

A gentle, gentle.

[Tom Griswold]

I used to guzzle Groucho. Could we get. Could we get back to the Playboy club? This is in Wisconsin?

[Christy Lee]

Lake Geneva. Yeah, it's now a resort and spa. But I was never.

[Tom Griswold]

I was never in a Playboy club. But I remember seeing those promotional videos for them. And they remember they had the Bunny Dip.

[Christy Lee]

Ace and I were in a Playboy club once with the band members.

[Josh Arnold]

And the Bunny Dip was. You had to learn that, right? Didn't you?

[Tom Griswold]

So what the Bunny Dip was what.

[Chick McGee]

Exactly end up the way they.

[Christy Lee]

They would dip the drinks down.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, they kind of decide. You didn't bend over, right?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Look, you didn't ever bend over and show your eggs and like you.

[Tom Griswold]

Can I ask you. Can I do a quick interview?

[Chick McGee]

Sure, go right in.

[Tom Griswold]

Now my.

[Chick McGee]

My partner Daphne is here too. So feel free to ask Daphne a.

[Tom Griswold]

Couple of late life lesbian. That's fine. Now, what's your name again? I'm sure.

[Chick McGee]

Gertrude.

[Sam Miller]

Gertrude.

[Chick McGee]

You are one of the.

[Tom Griswold]

One of the original.

[Chick McGee]

Call me Gertie.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, the Playboy Playmates are distinguished from the so called Bunnies. Both incredibly sexist. But the. The Bunnies were essentially waitresses. Is that correct?

[Chick McGee]

That's right.

[Tom Griswold]

Now can you show. Bring him drink the Bunny Dip now. It's probably a little easier now with your walker.

[Josh Arnold]

Let me hold that for you.

[Christy Lee]

They have a nice tray on them.

[Tom Griswold]

Now you can dip. You can. You can push back up on the walker.

[Chick McGee]

Watch this. Actually, Dafy was much better at the dip than I.

[Tom Griswold]

Really?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh yeah. I. I knew how to do it. Show him D. You know who was quite an ass?

[Tom Griswold]

Who's that?

[Chick McGee]

Raymond Bird.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, you read my mind. That's right.

[Jeff Askay]

Unbelievable.

[Josh Arnold]

You're a goose like no other.

[Tom Griswold]

Funny, he never Married Daphne.

[Chick McGee]

I would spend time on Fiji during the holidays.

[Tom Griswold]

You were hoping you could turn him around, huh?

[Josh Arnold]

I tried. I tried with that Rocky Hudson.

[Tom Griswold]

He didn't want anyone. Did you?

[Chick McGee]

He was a beautiful.

[Tom Griswold]

Did you both smoke filterless cigarettes?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yes.

[Chick McGee]

Camels. No filters.

[Josh Arnold]

I take a puff, pass it on to Gertie. She'd take a puff, pass it back to me.

[Tom Griswold]

When did you guys start saying Misera?

[Josh Arnold]

Just last year.

[Tom Griswold]

Nice. Good to know.

[Chick McGee]

My only regret we hadn't started sooner.

[Josh Arnold]

Sounds like two octopuses kissing.

[Chick McGee]

Okay, I'm out.

[Josh Arnold]

Good scene.

[Tom Griswold]

For Valentine's Day. I gave her some Raid.

[Chick McGee]

Raid.

[Josh Arnold]

Kills the bugs.

[Tom Griswold]

Kills them dead.

[Josh Arnold]

I once French kissed Soupy Sales.

[Sam Miller]

I wasn't.

[Chick McGee]

That's what I was looking for.

[Tom Griswold]

Joe Piscopo once gave me the red eye. It was very inflamed. Could you please explain what's happening, Christy?

[Christy Lee]

Yes. There's going to be a 50 year reunion of Playboy bunnies who opened a Lake Geneva, Wisconsin Playboy club, black in 1968.

[Josh Arnold]

This weekend feels like yester.

[Christy Lee]

117 bunnies have confirmed that they will attend. There will be original bunnies who opened the resort in 68. Two bunnies were there when the club closed in 81.

[Josh Arnold]

That's right.

[Christy Lee]

Joy Grossman, who's 69, plans to attend. Her bunny name was Joey.

[Chick McGee]

69.

[Christy Lee]

She was at 69 back then.

[Chick McGee]

69, 69.

[Christy Lee]

Joy's probably listening to this show and I apologize. Joy.

[Jeff Askay]

Hey.

[Chick McGee]

Sorry.

[Christy Lee]

Her bunny name was Joey when she worked at the club in the summer of 70.

[Chick McGee]

She was so clever. Remember, her name was Joy, but she went with Joey.

[Christy Lee]

I do remember she called it a great experience.

[Josh Arnold]

So, so much fun. I remember when I walked in on Joey rimming Bobby Redford.

[Christy Lee]

She could be listening me up.

[Chick McGee]

Sundance.

[Tom Griswold]

A complete lie.

[Christy Lee]

I have a segue.

[Tom Griswold]

So are there any Playboy clubs left in the world?

[Christy Lee]

I don't think so.

[Josh Arnold]

The last one just closed, didn't it?

[Christy Lee]

I thought so. I don't.

[Tom Griswold]

No.

[Chick McGee]

We were at the last one in.

[Christy Lee]

Lansing, the one in the United States. We were? Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Lansing.

[Christy Lee]

Lansing, Michigan. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Playboy Club in the.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Jeff Askay]

Really?

[Chick McGee]

Oh, okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Interesting.

[Christy Lee]

Gene and Paul and Brute. That was a night.

[Josh Arnold]

So were they everywhere? If Lansing had one.

[Tom Griswold]

No. They.

[Chick McGee]

In the future. The last casino was in Ogden, Utah.

[Josh Arnold]

Chicago, New York, Louisiana.

[Chick McGee]

Lansing.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

There were. They never really were that big in the US Though, right? The. The big one was in London, England. And they had the only casino license. And that's what. That's what saved Playboy magazine.

[Chick McGee]

I think it was the overpriced drinks, the objectification, the.

[Tom Griswold]

The objectification of the diseases, things like that. Yeah, okay.

[Chick McGee]

D loved it though.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Do, do.

[Christy Lee]

A lot of the first one was.

[Tom Griswold]

Rimming, as you put it.

[Chick McGee]

What?

[Josh Arnold]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

Joey was like to smoke a couple cigarettes after that just to. You know. Paul ankle loved a good rimming, you know, pallet cleanser, couple of luck, you.

[Chick McGee]

Know, a dog's mouth.

[Tom Griswold]

Sorry. Why don't you guys go in the. The green room, write this out and then we can throw it in the waste basket.

[Josh Arnold]

I remember when I took on all of Nazareth.

[Chick McGee]

The band.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Not Nazareth, Pennsylvania. So you need both of us for that. Yeah. Okay.

[Christy Lee]

I guess there's a Playboy Club in London, is that correct?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, there was one forever and they.

[Christy Lee]

What'S interesting, it opened in October of 2010.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, that must be the reopening.

[Christy Lee]

They opened on the site of the old Rendezvous Mayfield Casino.

[Tom Griswold]

But hefter, they almost went under because they had the only gaming license and the guy that they had running it forgot to renew it.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, man.

[Tom Griswold]

It almost took him out. And then the magazine took off and then it's faded a bit, of course. Wow. But the. The Playboy Club reunion in Geneva, Wisconsin.

[Christy Lee]

Yes, this weekend. Bless you.

[Tom Griswold]

You want a towel?

[Christy Lee]

Speaking of Joe, anything pisses him off.

[Chick McGee]

More than a loud sneeze? I don't know what it is.

[Christy Lee]

Clarksville, South Carolina. Mischievous kangaroo has been roaming the county for the second time in three days.

[Tom Griswold]

Huh.

[Christy Lee]

Authorities have yet to discern how the kangaroo is escaping, but I'm guessing jumping over a fence.

[Chick McGee]

I think.

[Josh Arnold]

I think it's a fair guess.

[Chick McGee]

You know, he just. We went over like with nothing. It was crazy.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, Humphrey Bogart, you want to do some detective work?

[Chick McGee]

You know, truth out there, some can really jump. It's unbelievable.

[Christy Lee]

Well, actually.

[Josh Arnold]

Hey, Tony. Tony.

[Chick McGee]

I'm character guided.

[Josh Arnold]

Tony, can I talk to you for a second?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, yeah. What you want, Mr. Mr. Fast Finder?

[Tom Griswold]

What you want?

[Josh Arnold]

Remember I told you about the. The fences and the kangaroo pen?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

What did I. I told you? I said, hey, you got to raise the fence.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I got to raise the fence.

[Josh Arnold]

And what. What you do?

[Chick McGee]

Well, it was already six feet. I thought that some ain't gonna get over that. It went over like would not.

[Tom Griswold]

What were you feeding them? Kangaroo.

[Chick McGee]

No, you can't eat kangaroo. It makes you jumpy. What are you trying to do?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, kangaroo.

[Tom Griswold]

Here's how improv works. You never deny. Sorry.

[Chick McGee]

Never come out of character. I'm fed a Mexican jumping beam.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, okay.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, some is Real?

[Josh Arnold]

Maybe. Maybe an ingredient used in beer.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, he likes. He likes the IPA because it's hoppy.

[Tom Griswold]

No, I think the joke is they get all hoppy up, never mind go back to being the aging playboy bunny.

[Christy Lee]

Authorities say they don't. They're not sure how the kangaroo escaped, but it's likely he found a weak spot in the fence or a gate was left open, or he jumped over the fence.

[Tom Griswold]

He's a kangaroo.

[Christy Lee]

The unidentified owners of the kangaroo are properly licensed to keep the kangaroo in South Carolina. He was potted next to Highway 28 8. And as of today, he's still not been captured.

[Josh Arnold]

I once spent an evening with Captain Kangaroo after he finished a bunch of ping pong balls fell on.

[Tom Griswold]

Fell out of his pockets.

[Josh Arnold]

Wasn't there a gag on Captain Kangaroo where all these ping pong balls.

[Chick McGee]

Mr. Moose Pull a cor. Captain Kangaroo get ping pong balls dumped on him. It was hilarious.

[Josh Arnold]

Hilarious.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. I sewed a bunch of them together, and when I said my. When I said my same word.

[Jeff Askay]

He.

[Tom Griswold]

Yanked him out of my ass starting a lawnmower.

[Sam Miller]

What a.

[Chick McGee]

What a kind of considerate lover.

[Josh Arnold]

There's no Fred Rogers, by the way.

[Tom Griswold]

They call Mr. Green Mr. Green. Jeans got the name. His. His jeans weren't green. It was just that ugly discharge.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, my Lord.

[Tom Griswold]

I blame you, Christy.

[Josh Arnold]

I apologize. So they. Did they recapture this kangaroo?

[Chick McGee]

No, he's at large.

[Tom Griswold]

You know they're going to find him. They're going to get a psychic because.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, because why?

[Tom Griswold]

He's trying to. The medium.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, Jesus.

[Tom Griswold]

Even a joke.

[Josh Arnold]

What he's trying to make.

[Tom Griswold]

They can't go from large to medium. The medium will find the kangaroo at large.

[Chick McGee]

No, no.

[Josh Arnold]

Of course, she's only 4 foot 9. So she's a short medium who will find. Or no, a small medium who will find the kangaroo. Kangaroo at large. Sorry, that is dumb.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, that's what we're doing here.

[Christopher]

One more Best of Bob and Tom hour coming up in just a minute. Broadway pooper and sexy sounds. But next, Josh wants to be a hobo. We'll find out why. Coming up to just a minute here on the Bob and Tom Show. It's the best of the Bob and Tom show from the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Think O'Reilly Auto Parts. For all your car care needs, get the parts and service you need fast from the professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts. Do you know Josh wants to be a hobo? Let's get the details.

[Chick McGee]

And there's Willie Griswold.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, Man.

[Chick McGee]

I like it, I like it. I just got real wistful and kind of relaxed when you said, hey, man. Yeah, yeah, I like it.

[Josh Arnold]

We're still all getting used to being able to say hi during the intro. No kidding.

[Chick McGee]

I was talking to somebody yesterday and as when something like this happens, of course, as you might imagine, Tom is going to miss some time. He went in for a heart procedure in a hospital and instead of doing the planned procedure, they. They wanted to. They decided to go be a little bit more extensive and get him a better outcome to. So they replaced his. One of his valves with a cow valve. And as you might imagine, he's going to be missing some shows. And you can only imagine the flurry of Telephone calls to Mr. Responsible, yours truly. Yeah, I was really in my element going, I don't know, what do you guys think? So anyway, where were we? Christy, what do you got over there?

[Christy Lee]

Well, apparently playing on railroad tracks as kids was something a lot of people.

[Josh Arnold]

Did did and not recommended. But yes.

[Christy Lee]

Before I was 16 and could drive. There are a few of us who would now and then hop on the train going by right at two miles down near the McDonald's where the other cool kids went to hang out after school. Yes, I'm probably lucky to be alive, but it was fun at the time. Thank you, David in Toledo. I don't know if I should read this one.

[Chick McGee]

David is Toledo.

[Christy Lee]

This is from Chicago, or Cincinnati rather. Terry. My father would take the three of us on the railroad tracks going through Elmwood Place in Cincinnati. We would jump on the trains with them. I was eight, my sister seven, my brother five. We met a lot of hobos.

[Chick McGee]

We met a lot of hobos once.

[Christy Lee]

On the railroad cars. It was crazy stuff. Keep up the funny work. Well, thank you, Terry.

[Josh Arnold]

That is something.

[Tom Griswold]

I mean, my childhood.

[Christy Lee]

Never met a hobo any different.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, I haven't met a hobo either and I would love to.

[Chick McGee]

Me too.

[Christy Lee]

And I literally.

[Chick McGee]

Are you out of your mind?

[Josh Arnold]

No, I'd happily. If I ever met a hobo, let's say walking, you know, kind of in a field with their bindle stick. I go, sir, may I, may I buy you lunch and just hear about some of your adventures? I'd love it.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, that seems exploitative.

[Josh Arnold]

You want to hear his tales?

[Christy Lee]

Of course.

[Josh Arnold]

But wouldn't the hobo be happy to share?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, you think you're entitled to the tales of hobos? That is for the hobo, my friend.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, man. You know what, Willie, you might be right. That's A life of wonder. You gotta earn. Earn.

[Tom Griswold]

Exactly.

[Josh Arnold]

Stories.

[Tom Griswold]

That's what I'm saying.

[Josh Arnold]

A lunch won't cut it.

[Chick McGee]

No, no.

[Josh Arnold]

Maybe a bottle. Not all hobos are drunks.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, now hobos choose to be hobos. I don't think that's the difference.

[Josh Arnold]

Right? Oh, yeah.

[Chick McGee]

And you know what? You know what drives them to being a hobo? What?

[Sam Miller]

Women.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, absolutely.

[Chick McGee]

How many women hobos do you see? You know, None.

[Josh Arnold]

You mean hobuses?

[Chick McGee]

I would have thought hoets, maybe.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, whole bets is. Yeah. Smoother, right?

[Chick McGee]

Whole bags.

[Tom Griswold]

You wouldn't want to go problematic there. Shakester as woke. Willie, I have to tell you.

[Josh Arnold]

Whole bets.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Is cute.

[Tom Griswold]

I like it a little.

[Chick McGee]

Little rough bags.

[Josh Arnold]

You think Tom would let me take a week off just to be a hobo for a week? Oh, my. Jump train.

[Christy Lee]

Facebook Live this.

[Josh Arnold]

Really see America.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Jump on a train where you're just.

[Josh Arnold]

Going to take an Amtrak to St. Louis? No, no, no. A boxcar and some cattle train.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, it's gonna smell like urine.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, of course, after a while, we'll smell like mine.

[Tom Griswold]

I give you three days, an honest three days on the road as a hobo.

[Josh Arnold]

And then I think you're back to civilization.

[Tom Griswold]

I think you check into a hotel.

[Josh Arnold]

I think you're done with the hobo life after three days. Yep. I don't think you can swing it.

[Tom Griswold]

I think you have one or two.

[Josh Arnold]

Dentymore cans or whatever it is. I guarantee I could go a full seven. Really?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. How.

[Josh Arnold]

What.

[Tom Griswold]

What experience do you have being a hobo, Josh?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, you guys know that I've often taken vac.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, but you're in a cabin.

[Chick McGee]

That's true.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, a cabin and a boxcar don't. They're not that different.

[Jess Hooker]

Have you ever been on it?

[Josh Arnold]

A boxcar is just a cabin that moves.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, really? Right.

[Josh Arnold]

Gonna bring your own food?

[Christy Lee]

No running water?

[Josh Arnold]

No, I'll have a backpack.

[Christy Lee]

What are you gonna eat the food I bring?

[Josh Arnold]

I'll have Spam, I'll have crackers and.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, excuse me. You do not have a backpack. The most you can have is the bendle on a stick.

[Josh Arnold]

You get whatever can fit in a.

[Tom Griswold]

Handkerchief tied to a stick.

[Josh Arnold]

That's Willie on this. No, no, A lot of. A lot of today's hobos have actual backpacks, and I think I should be allotted.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah, I forgot that new ad.

[Josh Arnold]

That I saw, GN Sport, the official backpack of hobos.

[Chick McGee]

Wait a minute.

[Tom Griswold]

And hamsters.

[Chick McGee]

And hamsters.

[Christopher]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

What are those? One backpack Herseys or What are those?

[Josh Arnold]

Herschels.

[Chick McGee]

Herschels. Those are really. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

In fact, some hobos even have those giant military duffel bags.

[Christy Lee]

Well, that would be cumbersome.

[Tom Griswold]

Would you carry that?

[Josh Arnold]

You throw that first onto the boxcar and then you gotta run and jump onto the box. We've all seen it.

[Christy Lee]

No, we have, haven't. Well, now, why are you looking at hobos?

[Jess Hooker]

Yeah, you're being a movie hobo, not a real hobo.

[Chick McGee]

Yes, you're like.

[Josh Arnold]

I'll have you know, I'm a self described train spotter. I. I often sit with my binoculars and watch the locomotives. You're going to run and catch a train at 30 miles? Run and catch. Caught a train. But I could.

[Jess Hooker]

Have you ever been on a train?

[Josh Arnold]

Of course.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Chick McGee]

I mean in. In one of the box cars. Box cars. Not a seat on the train.

[Sam Miller]

No.

[Josh Arnold]

You know how fast they go? Yes. All right.

[Christy Lee]

You don't see a lot of them with the doors open anymore either.

[Jess Hooker]

I live near a train track and they're. They stop. Actually. Actually my house. You could catch the train at my house.

[Josh Arnold]

Exactly. There are plenty. They slow down.

[Christy Lee]

They do slow down.

[Jess Hooker]

Mine stop. They stop at my house.

[Chick McGee]

So.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. There's a big train yard out here to the west too. They stop around.

[Josh Arnold]

I've had my eye on it.

[Chick McGee]

We would set you up to do this and then our next. Next discussion on the air would be what kind of prosthetic limb you'd like to have.

[Josh Arnold]

It would either that or did you hear Josh was stabbed to death?

[Chick McGee]

Day five.

[Sam Miller]

Day five.

[Chick McGee]

Day five. He's trying to stretch it out. Bust his heart.

[Tom Griswold]

Would you hitchhike there?

[Chick McGee]

Josh didn't make it.

[Josh Arnold]

Hitchhike to the train? No, no.

[Tom Griswold]

I would walk. Wow.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm on my own, baby. I'll tell you what. I'm gonna see America like nobody else.

[Chick McGee]

Morning America.

[Josh Arnold]

How are you?

[Christy Lee]

Need to write the Joshua Hobo song.

[Tom Griswold]

We gotta write that.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I'll write that.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Call it hobo. Say what? We should call it that. W. Willie, what do you think?

[Chick McGee]

I've never hated myself more for laughing at something.

[Josh Arnold]

W. Willie sounds like a hobo. Yeah, you guess who was in that box car Woke Willie telling me that my no fat chicks T shirts no longer accepting. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

What's your hobo name?

[Christy Lee]

What's your hobo? Hobo name.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, you gotta come up with a hobo name.

[Pat Carlini]

Yes.

[Chick McGee]

We all need hobo names. There's gotta be.

[Christy Lee]

Is there a formula?

[Josh Arnold]

Rambling Arnold Ramblin. Arnold. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Hobo name.

[Josh Arnold]

How about Arnie tracks. Oh, Arnie tracks.

[Chick McGee]

Let's see.

[Josh Arnold]

Arnie. Arnie Steele Beam.

[Christy Lee]

Steel Beam.

[Jess Hooker]

That sounds like a porn ultra.

[Chick McGee]

Steel beam. Yeah, there you go. How about Shaq? Isn't that the name of the hobo on. No, that's the name of Ernest Borgnine in Emperor of the North. Boy, that's a great loose caboose.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, there's 49 hobo names I. I like Caboose Arnie. Caboose. Caboose. Caboose Kelly. Caboose Kelly.

[Jeff Askay]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Sort of whole legend about me.

[Chick McGee]

Sure.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

There are a lot of girl hobos, apparently. Saggy Jill. Rail riders.

[Josh Arnold]

I'll have you know. Sweetest woman. You have to get over her goiter. She is the sweetest.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, like Frog Face Sally.

[Josh Arnold]

That's Frog Face Sally has what some call frog.

[Christy Lee]

I call beauty Mark Harmonica Rachel, Mistress of the iron rail.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, boy. Harmonica Rachel can suck and blow. Crazy.

[Chick McGee]

That's a harmonic harmonica. It's a harmonica. Steel rails coming.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, can't you see me sitting on the edge?

[Chick McGee]

Oh, hobo's love.

[Christy Lee]

There's a hobo called Jackson the Spam Bomber.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, dude, you don't mess with him.

[Tom Griswold]

I got.

[Chick McGee]

I got Buttercup over here. I got Alligator Snapper. I got Stumpy.

[Christy Lee]

I got Stripper Jack Larson.

[Josh Arnold]

Stripper Jack Larson. All good.

[Christy Lee]

Pancake Flipping Williams.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, dude, you know you want to spend a Sunday morning with him.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, I bet.

[Chick McGee]

Pancake flip.

[Josh Arnold]

Pizza throwing.

[Tom Griswold]

J.

[Josh Arnold]

Are these actual hobos?

[Christy Lee]

That's what it says. I don't. I mean, huh.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, they have a hobo convention in Hoboken. Hoboken. They really do. Like, every year.

[Chick McGee]

Wait a minute. They do?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, we've talked. We talk about it every year.

[Tom Griswold]

I didn't know hobos like wordplay so much.

[Chick McGee]

That's cool.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes. And maybe I could go and say, hey, folks, I haven't earned it yet. Yeah, I'd have to take a train right now.

[Chick McGee]

You can't.

[Josh Arnold]

It's seven days, you said.

[Christy Lee]

No, I think these are all made up, but they're still funny. Joe Hopper, do you have to have.

[Jess Hooker]

An inside instrument to be a hobo? Like, do you have to, like, play the spoons or the harmonica?

[Josh Arnold]

I was just thinking about. I was just gonna. Ham bone.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, okay.

[Jess Hooker]

Right.

[Christy Lee]

There you go.

[Chick McGee]

Hang on a second. Josh, Josh, sit down. You do.

[Jess Hooker]

You have to have a talent.

[Chick McGee]

You're gonna hurt yourself.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah. You got to be able to stay alive.

[Chick McGee]

Okay. Apparently someone. This is David from Cedar Falls, Iowa, and get right back up. He says, guys, I Hate to burst your bubble, but if you get caught on train tracks, just on the tracks. It's a $10,000 fine.

[Josh Arnold]

How can they expect a hobo to pay that? You know what? I would just look at him. Okay? Yeah. And then hobo my way across the country.

[Chick McGee]

Where's the hobo convention again, Josh?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, I had heard Hoboke. Hoboken, New Jersey.

[Christopher]

Coming right back with some parents talk and sexy sounds. Boy, you don't want to miss that on a Friday morning. This is the Bob and Tom Show. It's the Bob and Tom show on a Friday morning. Welcome. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Some parents talk in this one. And some sexy sounds.

[Tom Griswold]

What I'm getting.

[Chick McGee]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We're making noises with our mouths. This is our job.

[Christy Lee]

This is the most unsexy thing I've ever heard.

[Tom Griswold]

We can. We can. We can unsexy this up.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, really? What?

[Tom Griswold]

I mean, we can unsexy this up Very quickly.

[Josh Arnold]

Pat and I were talking about the embarrassing noises. Things we eventually heard about our parents from each other after they got divorced.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, Lord. I told you. My dad came to the top of the stairs. I was making too much noise while they were in their bedroom. I was watching tv. I don't know what I was doing. He came. Hey. He came to the top of the stairs.

[Tom Griswold]

Stairs.

[Chick McGee]

Ready to go totally naked, yelling at me on the top of the stairs.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, my goodness. Are you kidding me?

[Chick McGee]

Well, I.

[Josh Arnold]

It's so. He was more than al dente.

[Chick McGee]

65. It's 63 years later and I remember it so. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow. One, one, one year for every degree erected. He was what?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. It wouldn't be.

[Tom Griswold]

Underscore the unpleasantness of the.

[Chick McGee]

I know there's some that are. That curve up, but it almost touched his belly.

[Josh Arnold]

It was crazy.

[Pat Carlini]

Whoa.

[Josh Arnold]

He was really curved up when he was yelling at you, did it sort of bounce?

[Chick McGee]

Did it move when he talked?

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Chick McGee]

I don't know what you think you're doing down there.

[Tom Griswold]

Little ventriloquism.

[Christy Lee]

Your parents got divorced. They talked about. Talked about their sex lives with your other parent Trash.

[Tom Griswold]

The other.

[Josh Arnold]

In my case. Yeah. Apparently Pat had it way worse than I did. My parents got along real well after their divorce, but we just learned some things that we never. They got more open. Yeah. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

I never had that. Thank goodness. That would have been awful.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, your father was into this.

[Chick McGee]

He would not leave my butt alone.

[Josh Arnold]

Stuff like that.

[Christy Lee]

Are you kidding? No.

[Tom Griswold]

That's just inappropriate. So let's Just go right to the inappropriate news story then.

[Christy Lee]

Researchers have analyzed the noises people make during intimate sexual activity. Professor Andre Anakin at the Lund University in Sweden, professor at local pervert amassed 34 hours of audio recordings from over 2,200 authentic sexual episodes.

[Chick McGee]

Is that right?

[Christy Lee]

Very few vocalizations could be described as screams, even at orgasm.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, okay, yeah, that's. They weren't at my place.

[Christy Lee]

Women apparently used very little speech in general.

[Josh Arnold]

Ah, that's how it should be, right, fellas?

[Chick McGee]

You can't talk. Her mouth full. All right.

[Christy Lee]

Men were at their Most verbal about 15 seconds before orgasm.

[Josh Arnold]

50 seconds before orgasm. 14.

[Tom Griswold]

This is. This is. This is you in bed.

[Josh Arnold]

My favorite part is coming up.

[Chick McGee]

Here comes my.

[Tom Griswold]

One of our listeners suggests the following. David from Dayton says. Josh says, you're crushing my eclairs.

[Josh Arnold]

All right, all right. Now if that weren't so funny, I might be hurt by it. You're crushing my eclairs. Always funny.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm just. I'm just wrong with. It's the, the, the reason this is a great joke, David, is the. The specificity of Eclipse.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes, absolutely. Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

That's very nice.

[Josh Arnold]

There's no getting offended by that.

[Tom Griswold]

It's preceded by. Your money's on the end table. Okay. These are all very funny things.

[Christy Lee]

Vocalizations were overwhelmingly nonverbal during and immediately after orgasm.

[Josh Arnold]

My buddy Joe Murray said that right after orgasm he would say, you have to leave now.

[Chick McGee]

This is really uncomfortable.

[Christy Lee]

The high pitched and extravagantly ecstatic screams associated with pornographic films were conspicuous by their absence. Instead, a great majority of vocalizations were size and relatively mild moans. Even orgasm.

[Chick McGee]

Sure, Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

A lot of that porn stuff.

[Christopher]

You.

[Josh Arnold]

It's too much. Hey, hey, hey. I don't. Because now I think you're faking.

[Tom Griswold]

And isn't there an argument to be made that in many ways pornography is ruining. I don't know how to term it, traditional or intimate relations for ordinary folks.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, sure, sure. It's over.

[Christy Lee]

Young kids who grow up with it thinking that's the way it's supposed to be.

[Chick McGee]

Be.

[Josh Arnold]

And it can be addicting, for sure.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, it's. But I'm saying. I'm saying that the stuff that one might see.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

Is you can't. It's. What's the best? What's an example?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, not all of it is. Not all of it is good for procreation, that's for sure.

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, but I mean, I'm just saying many of the. Many of the features, I think are artificially created by the pornographic stars.

[Josh Arnold]

What do you mean. Mean what features?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, for example, the. How's it worded here? The extravagant sounds.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes. That. A lot of that's fake.

[Tom Griswold]

Of course.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

But this researcher listened to, what, 34 hours of actual.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

How do they compile all that?

[Chick McGee]

A lot of microphones treat it like it's a scientific experiment.

[Tom Griswold]

But, I mean, do they have to go? Do they go to someone's house and go, hey, look.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

We're gonna set up a tape recorder.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Hit record before you.

[Christy Lee]

Exactly.

[Josh Arnold]

But they're naked. Where do they clip the lav mics, Chester. One on each?

[Chick McGee]

No, they probably have a boom operator.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, there's another.

[Josh Arnold]

Go right ahead. Don't bother.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, don't. Don't let us. Our presence affect you at all. And, oh, four, that she's not a shaver. You can do a clip on down there.

[Christy Lee]

There's another.

[Tom Griswold]

She's got the love.

[Christy Lee]

Another survey from the online dating web website saucydates.com.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Reveals what sounds people like to hear in the bedroom. According to a poll.

[Chick McGee]

I like you. I really like you.

[Christy Lee]

Over 5,000 people. The sexiest sounds people can make in bed are. Do you want me to go seven to one or one to seven?

[Josh Arnold]

Seven to one.

[Chick McGee]

Seven to one. Yeah. Here we go.

[Christy Lee]

Number seven. Silence.

[Josh Arnold]

Silence is golden.

[Tom Griswold]

All right, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

[Chick McGee]

That's. You have to leave now. Time.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Have you ever been told to shut up during.

[Christopher]

No.

[Josh Arnold]

Shut up.

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Chick McGee]

Have you ever done this? You say something and. Or she says something and you go, what?

[Josh Arnold]

What I have done.

[Christy Lee]

I have done that.

[Josh Arnold]

It ruined the whole thing.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

So my. What is what?

[Chick McGee]

But I don't want to say yes. What if she said, go get the horse's head? I don't wanna.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, so they're suggesting there's no verbal communication.

[Christy Lee]

Right. Silence.

[Tom Griswold]

They want complete silence.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

Numbers.

[Tom Griswold]

Just sounds. Sounds like an ore going into warm macaroni and cheese.

[Christy Lee]

Sexiest.

[Tom Griswold]

Repeatedly.

[Christy Lee]

People can make him bad. Number six. Squeaking.

[Tom Griswold]

No, no.

[Chick McGee]

No.

[Josh Arnold]

There are some squeaks a girl can squeak. And I. I would be. All right.

[Christy Lee]

Like a mouse. Like.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, like a mouse caught in a trap.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Struggling. Struggling to get free. No squeaking.

[Josh Arnold]

The bed.

[Tom Griswold]

Squeaking.

[Christy Lee]

Or her, I think.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. What does it. Oh, maybe does it mean the bed.

[Tom Griswold]

If it's the bed. Squeaking, I guess.

[Christy Lee]

Sexiest sounds people can make.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. That's a squeak. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Wouldn't that freak you out?

[Chick McGee]

I'm a mouse.

[Josh Arnold]

That's right.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm a kitty cat.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm a dirty rat.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Number five, swearing.

[Tom Griswold]

G.D. wright.

[Chick McGee]

Love it.

[Christy Lee]

They'll see. There's. They're two different.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, it depends, guys.

[Christy Lee]

There's swearing and then there's dirty talk, which is higher up on the list.

[Josh Arnold]

So I'm swearing. You don't want to hear, like, God, you smell like. That's a bad one.

[Tom Griswold]

There you go. But you pretty much went to number one right away.

[Chick McGee]

See, I. I'm. I'm on record. I like a little league game. I like a lot of talk, a lot of encouragement and do you talk bad?

[Josh Arnold]

You like a lot of talk?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah. You.

[Chick McGee]

Absolutely. You guys.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm with the. I'm with. Sure.

[Chick McGee]

I would imagine Tom doesn't.

[Josh Arnold]

And women never underestimate guys want to be told what to do. We like it.

[Chick McGee]

Help me.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. So. But.

[Tom Griswold]

But swearing.

[Christy Lee]

I. Swearing is.

[Tom Griswold]

It depends which curse words you're doing.

[Christy Lee]

Well, one. That's really effective.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. Yeah. Blank me now.

[Josh Arnold]

Never stop blanking me.

[Tom Griswold]

Wouldn't that be amazing all night? Wouldn't that be in the category dirty talk?

[Christy Lee]

I don't know the difference between dirty talk.

[Josh Arnold]

Wait, so dirty talk is a different.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, it's number two.

[Jeff Askay]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, no, you can be dirty without cussing. Sure.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Wouldn't that be funny? I was really offended by your cursing while you were telling me to.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Let me ask you this, Ram Captain.

[Josh Arnold]

This next sentence has no curse words in it at all, but it's filthy. In fact, I don't even know what to say.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, you probably can't. I understand what you're saying.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, you can be.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, once again, this is the category. The sexiest sounds people make in the.

[Christy Lee]

So we're at number five, swearing. Number four, screaming.

[Josh Arnold]

Sheesh.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow.

[Chick McGee]

Not. Not you screaming, John.

[Josh Arnold]

Hey, Wilhelm, you want to keep it down?

[Christy Lee]

Number three, heavy breathing.

[Josh Arnold]

Always good. Everything in bed with me is heavy, including your partner.

[Christy Lee]

Number two, dirty talk, which we just per.

[Tom Griswold]

That one go right by.

[Chick McGee]

Didn't it?

[Christy Lee]

And the number one sound people find sexiest in bed.

[Chick McGee]

Joking.

[Josh Arnold]

Glux. Fs.

[Christy Lee]

Moaning.

[Josh Arnold]

Moan. Okay. Moaning. Mo.

[Chick McGee]

Moaning.

[Josh Arnold]

I I. It's glucking for me. That's the hottest.

[Christy Lee]

Glucking.

[Josh Arnold]

Gluck.

[Christy Lee]

What's a gluck?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh.

[Tom Griswold]

You had to ask.

[Chick McGee]

Hey, Tom, you understand what Josh is trying to get at over there, right?

[Tom Griswold]

I'm moving on. Yeah. Does that drown out the bus station announcements? Josh?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. I often have to stop and go, what did he say?

[Tom Griswold]

Is that. Is that my bus?

[Josh Arnold]

I think your Bus is low. I better hurry.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, the least, the least sexy noises. I think number one would be farting kid knocking on the door.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I. I've never experienced that. That must be tough.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that's the great thing about being.

[Tom Griswold]

Divorced or opening the door.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, we're just wrestling.

[Tom Griswold]

Or phrases like, I hope that was not a shart.

[Christy Lee]

I honestly don't know how you married people.

[Tom Griswold]

That would be, I think very dial.

[Josh Arnold]

Things down with kids.

[Christy Lee]

Not very often because we were divorced when my kids were little.

[Chick McGee]

So who's had sex with kids?

[Josh Arnold]

Kids around.

[Tom Griswold]

And that's around kids in the house.

[Christy Lee]

No, no.

[Chick McGee]

How about difficult?

[Tom Griswold]

Dirty talk is good. What about small talk?

[Chick McGee]

Josh?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, sure, yeah. Yeah.

[Jeff Askay]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

How about those Cubs?

[Tom Griswold]

So maybe do it like. Maybe do it like your crowd work as a stand up comedian. So anybody from out of town.

[Josh Arnold]

She knows what I'm talking about.

[Chick McGee]

Look at her. She knows what's. She knows what's up.

[Tom Griswold]

Was this your first day? Oh, you got you guys in.

[Josh Arnold]

Hey, you're not laughing out. But you'll get this on the way home.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, now here is a list of this. Of the worst things to say to a man.

[Christy Lee]

Worst things to say.

[Josh Arnold]

This is legit.

[Christy Lee]

Is that as big as it gets? That would be bad.

[Tom Griswold]

Let's see if that's on your brother's way.

[Christopher]

Better.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, this can't be real.

[Josh Arnold]

It claims it's real. So what are some of the things.

[Tom Griswold]

Let's hear now. This is disgusting. Well, say now, what was your name again? Oh, this is worst things to say to a man. Well, there.

[Chick McGee]

I bet. I bet there are some. In some instance. That's kind of hot.

[Josh Arnold]

I know that wouldn't bother me. I don't think that bothers guys nearly as much as it bothers women.

[Tom Griswold]

One night.

[Josh Arnold]

One night stand.

[Chick McGee]

Right.

[Christy Lee]

What was your name?

[Josh Arnold]

I'll tell you.

[Tom Griswold]

What do you want for dinner tomorrow again? Mid.

[Josh Arnold]

Now that's not as bad as asking her. What are you making me for dinner tomorrow?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, good point.

[Josh Arnold]

Point.

[Tom Griswold]

Saying the wrong name.

[Christy Lee]

Well, that goes either way.

[Josh Arnold]

I mean, sure.

[Chick McGee]

Well, we had that saying an ex's name. Yeah, that was in one of our.

[Josh Arnold]

Anybody ever done that?

[Tom Griswold]

That's also number one on the hat.

[Josh Arnold]

Sure. They're all Kim's.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, that's right. You're lucky.

[Tom Griswold]

That's the number one thing on the worst thing to say to a woman.

[Christy Lee]

Sure. Call her by another name.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, God, this is awful. Who's gonna say this? Can I call you my mommy?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, they're out there and the daddy.

[Christy Lee]

One'S probably pretty big.

[Josh Arnold]

That is too common. And I. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Which is worse? The guy wanted to be say mommy or the girl wanting to say dad?

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, there's one. Did you do it like this with your ex?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, well, who says that during sex? I mean, it's crazy to say anytime.

[Chick McGee]

Did you go to the movies like this with your ex?

[Christopher]

Yeah.

[Jeff Askay]

No matter what.

[Josh Arnold]

You sure did. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, we sure. We sure did.

[Tom Griswold]

Things you would want to hear. Might be. That's never going to fit.

[Josh Arnold]

Sure.

[Tom Griswold]

Right.

[Josh Arnold]

Right.

[Tom Griswold]

Kind of.

[Josh Arnold]

Now we. We get it out of my ear.

[Tom Griswold]

Come again? Oh, sorry. That makes it so much less hot. Okay, can we wrap this up already? Be a bad thing for the guy.

[Chick McGee]

Let's wrap this up.

[Christy Lee]

What about. That'll hold you.

[Chick McGee]

That'll hold you.

[Tom Griswold]

I bet that's probably said more often than not. Okay, well, thank you, Christy. I think now it's time for a pallet cleanser. I know session like that, you don't.

[Josh Arnold]

Want to hear that in bed either.

[Christy Lee]

What? A pallet cleanser.

[Josh Arnold]

Now it's time for a pallet cleanser.

[Tom Griswold]

You mean you don't want to hear this in bed? Ladies and gentlemen, what's.

[Chick McGee]

Silence.

[Christy Lee]

Silence.

[Tom Griswold]

This isn't working. Sorry. Well, Ace, we're have to hold off.

[Josh Arnold]

Miracles do happen.

[Chick McGee]

The power of prayer. Ladies. I'll do this. This just into the Chick McGee. Not sports, but news desk. Yes, Tom, are you paying attention?

[Tom Griswold]

Check. Check. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

A beloved ostrich died last week.

[Josh Arnold]

A beloved ostrich.

[Chick McGee]

After reaching beyond the confines of her Kansas zoo enclosure to grab and swallow car. Car keys of a staff member.

[Pat Carlini]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

A choke to death on car keys.

[Tom Griswold]

If this were a cartoon, you'd have the. The big skeleton key sideways in the coat of the ostrich.

[Chick McGee]

The five year old ostrich named Karen had been a resident of the zoo for around a year and was renowned for her playful antics which included swimming in the enclosure's pool, playing in the sprinkler and dancing.

[Christopher]

What?

[Chick McGee]

To music.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, this is sad.

[Christy Lee]

It's very sad.

[Chick McGee]

Alike form deep connections with with her, said the center. It's about 65 miles east of Kansas City, Kansas. Karen's life cut short after she reached beyond her exhibit fence, grabbed the keys and immediately swallowed them.

[Tom Griswold]

I bet the zookeeper had to Uber home. Yes, and not to mention the fact that I don't know about you, but I had to get one of those key fobs made.

[Christy Lee]

They're not cheap.

[Tom Griswold]

They're like $400. Yeah, yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Absolutely. Yeah. Do not lose keys not lose your keyboard. Especially nowadays.

[Christy Lee]

I got a guy, though.

[Josh Arnold]

If you do, they're going to make their money back. They're selling ostrich burgers now.

[Chick McGee]

When she swallowed the keys. That's true. A nice chef salad with ostrich.

[Christy Lee]

Ostrich boots.

[Tom Griswold]

We ate ostrich one day on the show.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I've had ostrich burgers. They're good.

[Chick McGee]

They tried to save Karen Tom with surgical and non surgical means.

[Josh Arnold]

Non surgical means. So they turned it upside down and slapped its ass.

[Christy Lee]

Tried to squeeze hydrogen peroxide. Get her to throw it out.

[Josh Arnold]

They tried to toothpaste the neck.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, the. Toothpaste the neck. Unfortunately, those efforts were unsuccessful.

[Tom Griswold]

So the ostrich is dead. Ironically, they were the keys to a Chevrolet Impala.

[Chick McGee]

A brand new car.

[Tom Griswold]

Maybe not.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

In the wine.

[Chick McGee]

That's sad.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, I. Do they feed it to. Do they recycle it, if you will?

[Christy Lee]

I don't know what they do with the dead ostrich. I don't know.

[Tom Griswold]

The lions or something. Well, ostrich. Ostriches eat.

[Christopher]

Ostriches.

[Josh Arnold]

Do they bury it head first?

[Tom Griswold]

Great idea.

[Chick McGee]

Face down, ass off.

[Josh Arnold]

What are ostriches doing when they bury their head in the ground? Looking for grubs or something. Hiding from the rain.

[Chick McGee]

What good are ostriches? I mean, fun. I know, I know. Bees and whatever, I guess. Aardvarks. I guess. What. What do ostriches do?

[Jeff Askay]

They.

[Christy Lee]

They play a role.

[Josh Arnold]

They're silly. What.

[Chick McGee]

What role do they aerate?

[Josh Arnold]

To have a bird head on top of a long neck.

[Tom Griswold]

I mean, have you could be made. What good do sportscasters do?

[Chick McGee]

Well, you. That's why I'm trying to branch into news.

[Christy Lee]

Should I quit?

[Chick McGee]

No, no, no. This.

[Tom Griswold]

That's a sad story about that, Austin.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, it is a sad story. Poor Karen.

[Chick McGee]

I wanted to do sad sports, but there wasn't. Remember we tried to do sad sports?

[Christy Lee]

You want to do sad sports?

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. Make a new. Yeah. Remember because you had the team.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

With the sad pianos.

[Tom Griswold]

Can you play?

[Chick McGee]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Josh Arnold]

It's our own thing.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay. No need to do that. No more. Don't need to do any more obituaries.

[Chick McGee]

Babe Ruth, that day.

[Josh Arnold]

That was an ostrichuary. That's me on violin.

[Chick McGee]

Never had another at bat. He passed away face down, ass up with a hot dog in his ass.

[Christopher]

Will wrap things up here in just a minute with the Flintstones and the Broadway Pooper. It's next on the Bob and Tom Show. Thanks for joining us here on the Best of The Bob and Tom Show. The gang is back in here live on Monday morning. This is Christopher speaking from the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a segment with the Flintstones Jones and the Broadway Pooper.

[Tom Griswold]

Maybe time for the Ace Cosby joke of the day. Get yourself ready. Loosen up, everybody. Christy Lee is at the Navy Federal Credit Union news desk.

[Christy Lee]

Proud to serve.

[Tom Griswold]

She's sitting right next to Josh Arnold.

[Josh Arnold]

Hi.

[Tom Griswold]

Just back from two nights in New Hampshire.

[Josh Arnold]

The camera.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, same Country Day 19 team. We have a lot to get to here right now. We have Christy Lee. What's happening over there?

[Christy Lee]

Well, I thought we were gonna do a song. A California town suing the owner of the famed Flintstone house, calling it a public nuisance. The town of Hillsboro filed a complaint this week against media mogul Florence Fang, who purchased the home in 2017.

[Chick McGee]

What did she. You know what she said about it?

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Chick McGee]

I don't know why I'm getting all this unfair criticism. I'm Florence Fang.

[Tom Griswold]

Picture of this thing.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, I had it on there before. I remember when it was for sale.

[Chick McGee]

It's really cool.

[Josh Arnold]

It is cool.

[Christy Lee]

Officials alleged that she violated local codes after making landscaping changes such as installing dinosaur sculptures in her backyard additions.

[Tom Griswold]

Hilarious.

[Christy Lee]

In October, code enforcement panel found the changes created a highly visible eyesight soar and are out of keeping with community standards. The complaint was filed after Fang failed to comply with the panel's order to remove.

[Chick McGee]

Okay. USA Today is not even trying anymore. Their online edition, yabba dabba. No. California Town sues Over Flintstone House. It's really cool looking, though.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, that's a great headline.

[Josh Arnold]

No, it isn't.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes, it is.

[Chick McGee]

It doesn't rhyme with do yabba dabba do yabba dabba. No.

[Josh Arnold]

How about yabba dabba don't? Exactly. Yabba dabba don't.

[Chick McGee]

Yabba dabba don't.

[Josh Arnold]

Or yabba dabba boo. So it rhymes.

[Tom Griswold]

Yabba dabba boo boo.

[Josh Arnold]

No. That's combining two different cartoons now. You know, we can get across Hannah Bar.

[Tom Griswold]

How dare you cross cartoons.

[Chick McGee]

You know what? We can argue about any topic.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, of course we can.

[Josh Arnold]

Because we hate each other.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, we do.

[Chick McGee]

More or less.

[Tom Griswold]

So you're saying yabba dabba don't.

[Josh Arnold]

No, no, I'm saying yabba dabba do. The people in the neighborhood are saying yabba dabba don't.

[Chick McGee]

It's either yabba dabba don't or yabba dabba boo.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, for the headline.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Not yabba dabba.

[Chick McGee]

No. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, you're right. That. That does stink. How did they miss the abba Dabba don't.

[Josh Arnold]

Who knows? They're not even trying.

[Tom Griswold]

Like Chick said, the house does look pretty cool.

[Chick McGee]

Fang said I think the dinosaurs are beautiful. They make everyone smile.

[Tom Griswold]

I'll bet that it's not the visual. I bet it's that that whistle they blow at the end of the shift. That's what probably gets them one of the great scenes. Oh, you think that's one of the.

[Chick McGee]

Where he slides down and I lived for the Flintstones when it was on. It really doesn't look like what I thought it was.

[Josh Arnold]

Same here. To me, it does not look like the Flintstones house.

[Christy Lee]

Isn't there a Flintstones house that was owned by like Dick Clark or somebody weird like that?

[Josh Arnold]

I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

Bob Hope?

[Tom Griswold]

I think you may be correct.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. See, Dean knows what I'm talking about. Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

I haven't heard anything from Dick Clark lately.

[Christy Lee]

Well, that's because he's dead.

[Pat Carlini]

Oh.

[Josh Arnold]

Ryan Seacrest. Adam killed.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow. Something got cold in here. But it's cool. We'll put a picture of this in the various bottom times social media platforms. Certainly worth worth looking at. Yabba dabba. Don't.

[Chick McGee]

Yabba dabba.

[Josh Arnold]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

It'S pretty cool looking.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, it was Dick Clark selling his Flintstones home. It was in Malibu.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, his looked a little closer to the actual cartoon, right?

[Christy Lee]

It wasn't colorful. It was more rocky cavey looking.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, but that's kind of cool. Cool. But show me a guy that has the Jetsons house and then I'll be impressed. Remember that pad?

[Josh Arnold]

Sure.

[Chick McGee]

A thousand feet in the air or something.

[Christy Lee]

Hard to do.

[Tom Griswold]

Way up in the sky. And wasn't there an issue you had with the Jetsons and the George Jetson the maid for the Jetsons?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, I mean, occasionally, apparently it's Rosie and George. Would they had an affair. Rather scandalous. Got the new suck nozzle in Mr. J.

[Chick McGee]

Rosie.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, I'm sorry, Christy. Back to you.

[Josh Arnold]

Ruhro Rorge is rocking the maid.

[Tom Griswold]

He's rocking the maid. That's correct. He is indeed rocking. Rocking the maid. Rock and roll hoochie.

[Chick McGee]

Best. Best cartoon theme song ever. Jetsons.

[Christy Lee]

I loved it.

[Josh Arnold]

It has everything Tom wants. Good tune. Story tells the story. Nice narrative.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, great. The orchestration. What a great production. Yeah, those horns kick in.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, Judy.

[Tom Griswold]

But that's a tough category though. Best cartoon. Yeah, they're all pretty good.

[Chick McGee]

Let's they put up Scooby Doo.

[Tom Griswold]

Come on, man.

[Sam Miller]

That is.

[Josh Arnold]

That's good too.

[Chick McGee]

Good one Ace.

[Tom Griswold]

No, it is good.

[Chick McGee]

Scooby dooby doo. Where are you?

[Tom Griswold]

That lazy writing starts off spooky and.

[Josh Arnold]

Then goes into kind of sucks.

[Christy Lee]

Sucks.

[Josh Arnold]

That's good.

[Chick McGee]

I'm with you dangling. Whatever that is.

[Christy Lee]

What about Josie and the. Josie and the.

[Chick McGee]

Oh, I like Josie and the Pussycat. They wear ears for hats. Josie and the Cats.

[Tom Griswold]

Come on now. King Kong. That was the theme song, you know.

[Josh Arnold]

What is it?

[Sam Miller]

You know the story of King Kong?

[Tom Griswold]

You know the fame of King Kong. 10 times as big as a man.

[Christy Lee]

King Kong wasn't a cartoon.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes, it was.

[Chick McGee]

They had, like, the top 50 cartoon characters on metal floss a couple days ago. And number one was Homer Simpson.

[Christy Lee]

I can believe that.

[Chick McGee]

And number two was Bugs.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Christy Lee, once again at the Navy Federal Credit Union news desk, a mystery.

[Christy Lee]

Public poopers on the scene in New York City.

[Josh Arnold]

You seem thrilled to do this story.

[Christy Lee]

The suspect's territory is the Broadway theater desk district.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh.

[Christy Lee]

Apparently the mad chatter's been striking at Magic Mike musical tryouts.

[Josh Arnold]

Really?

[Chick McGee]

Just this one specific thing.

[Christy Lee]

Reportedly defecating chick in dressing rooms and backstage areas.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, not so. This isn't on the street.

[Christy Lee]

Authorities believe that the public pooper is trying to bring attention to a dispute with Actors Equity.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, the.

[Christy Lee]

There's a pissed off actor somewhere apparently.

[Tom Griswold]

Pooping all over the. There's a. The news story. There's a guy that. The beginning of the story falls in it.

[Josh Arnold]

Is that true?

[Chick McGee]

I can't stand it.

[Tom Griswold]

It's true. There's apparently some huge dispute with Actors Equity and some guy. I'm not sure what. How it's being protested, but this. It's happened in multiple. It's like in dressing rooms and on the stage. And the last time there was this much poop on Broadway, it was that Spider man show.

[Chick McGee]

Yes, the YouTube thing that they turn off the dark.

[Josh Arnold]

I wish I could have been sitting in here watching Tom read this article when he stumbled upon the bar and said some guy fell in it.

[Tom Griswold]

I've got it. Wait a minute. Do we have. Is that. Is Willie Kon Carney back?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, he's back. Oh.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, no. It's batting. It's fat God one. I'm sorry.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, you guys can help me on this one if you'd like. I don't think I.

[Tom Griswold]

You need any prompting? Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

They say a guy just dropped a deuce on Broadway On Broadway Something funky stinking up the air On Broadway and I'm the one to sing the blues But I got poop on my dancing shoes it's on my pants and my ascot it's everywhere On Broadway Just who.

[Chick McGee]

Did it no one knows On Broadway.

[Josh Arnold]

On Broadway but the smell is coming from the Cher show To share.

[Chick McGee]

I'm.

[Josh Arnold]

Not one to overstate this turd is half my body weight who's the dude that had to defecate on Broadway? On Broadway, On Broadway, On Broadway. Nice.

[Christy Lee]

I refuse to participate.

[Tom Griswold]

Is the musical the musical?

[Chick McGee]

Poopsicle.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, Seussical. I'm sorry.

[Chick McGee]

I'm trying to boobicle, not poopsicle.

[Tom Griswold]

Here we go. This happened during tryouts for Magic Mike at Pearl Studios, 500 8th Avenue, and then again March 6th at the Ripley Greer audition space. According to actress Eunice Bay, there was a lot of disbelief when a representative for the show slipped on the floor.

[Chick McGee]

Look, look, here he goes. Here he goes. Here he goes. His head's turning red. Head turning red. He's gone.

[Tom Griswold]

The woman stopped and said, oh, my God, I stepped in. We all laughed, thinking she was kidding. Then we began to smell it.

[Chick McGee]

So one of the guys trying out for Magic Mike.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes. The fellow auditioner, Ali Faye Monka, said the first theory. M O N K a, the first theory was that someone carried it off the street in their shoes. But there was no way that was plausible, given that it looked like a fresh pile. This is all. This is from the New York Post.

[Chick McGee]

Well, the Post is. The Post is the Post.

[Tom Griswold]

No, there's something kind of. There's some kind of dispute with Actors Equity. So some guy's doing this on purpose? Apparently. And first of all, it has to be a guy.

[Christy Lee]

My daughter at school.

[Tom Griswold]

There's no way. There's no way.

[Chick McGee]

This guy is a woman. He's a serial crapper.

[Tom Griswold]

He goes, apparently. Maybe. Maybe he's trying out for Laces. Mary Poopins. Are they doing a musical? Cats has been redone. Shats. It's in a giant litter box. Scats would have been probably less offensive. Well, Christy's texting we here on Broadway, and I'm talking.

[Christy Lee]

I'm talking to my daughter. You guys go right in.

[Tom Griswold]

Man, she's so sensitive. This is a real thing about poop. Well, I'm sorry. This is a legitimate news story. Thank the New York Post.

[Christy Lee]

There are a lot of legitimate news stories. We choose not to do every.

[Tom Griswold]

They're too depressing.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, boy.

[Tom Griswold]

By the way, it's no longer called the Great White Way. I think it's time for a palate cleanser.

[Sam Miller]

He's caused me.

[Chick McGee]

What is this a joke? Are you joking?

[Tom Griswold]

This is a joke, right? What are you, from a radio station?

[Josh Arnold]

Josh you mentioned you watched a ghost show this weekend. Yeah, I did. Ghost reminded me.

[Chick McGee]

What do ghosts drink?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I'm not too sure.

[Chick McGee]

Booze. Booze.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, if you'd been trick or treating and you spewed that at me on my front porch.

[Tom Griswold]

No candy.

[Josh Arnold]

No candy.

[Tom Griswold]

This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Sam Miller]

Bob and Tom, the United States Soccer.

[Tom Griswold]

Federation presents the U.S. soccer Podcast.

[Jeff Askay]

My name is David Gos, and I'm joined by my co host, Megan Kleinenberg.

[Christy Lee]

Everything up until this point has been an accident. Outside look at the World cup and now we're giving people an inside look. It is just total pressure cooker.

[Jeff Askay]

Watching flags come out of little plastic balls is like the epitome of everything that I love. And the World cup is everything. It's why I became a soccer fan.

[Tom Griswold]

The U.S. soccer Podcast.

[Christopher]

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