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The BOB & TOM Show Free Podcast
The BOB & TOM Show - January 3, 2025
03:02:09
The BOB & TOM Show - January 3, 2025
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It's the Bob and Tom show. You're a beautiful girl and your pants are on so tight that when you stand just right, I can see it all. When you're on the beach and your bikini's soaking wet. I see a fuzzy silhouette as I look down. I see your camel toes, your biscuits, your cleavage. I see your pooter cleavage, your monkey, your muffin, you ain't had nothing. You're Gucci, you're flapper, your show head off your snapper, your camel toe. It looks alright so baby let it show. Looks like a big taco. I see your camel taco. Jesse. Madame Walali, bearded clown. I could really go for a sideways sloppy joe or a tuna casserole. Baby, don't you know I never thought I'd see so much of your anatomy. Your genes are so tight, I'm learning dynatron on the jean. I see your camel toe, your knuckle, your nookie, Ooh. I see your cookie, a donut, a bagel down below your navel. It's furry, it's fluffy looking kind of puffy. Your Kim old toe. It looks alright so baby let it show. Looks like a big taco. I see your camel taco. Merci madame. While I lay. Bearded clown, your biscuit, your cleavage. I see your pooter cleavage, your monkey, you're muffin, you ain't had nothing. Your Gucci, your flapper, you're showing off your snapper, your cute little toe. It looks alright so baby let it show. Looks like a big taco. I see your camel toe. Good morning. Hello. From coast to coast, it's the Bob and Tom show. Many portions of the upcoming program have been pre recorded. Meaning they've already happened and they're about to happen again. So where was I? Oh. Oh yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, glad to have you here. It's the Bob and Tom show. Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. Bless you. Josh. Josh Arnold. Fresh from sneezing. Yeah, it felt good. Oh yeah. There's Ace Cosby. Mini orgasm. I'm Chick, here's Tom. And we have a special guest in the studio. I'm not sure it's a mini orgasm. Sometimes you get a lot of effluent. Well, the way you sneeze. Yeah. I'm a big sneezer too. I can't help it. Like a month's worth of oh, fluid. The point is we have a guest so we gotta sort sort it out. Here we're joined by a comedian, Jimmy Pardo. And Jimmy's a very fine Stand up comedian. Every show is different. I've got to tell you that. They're great. Now, can I say this very quickly based on Josh's sneeze? I once worked at a mall, Lincoln Mall, in Mattison, Illinois, and I worked at JR's Music Shop. I was the assistant manager of the record shop. Oh, wow. And so we were down to the Weaver in the wing by Pennies, and then way down at the wing by Montgomery Ward was my girlfriend, dawn, who worked at Modern Man Clothing. Oh, yeah. And one day I'm in my store and I blew my nose. And a second later, the phone rang and dawn said, did you just blow your nose? Wow. She heard me blow my nose across the mall. Wow. Are you kind of a honker. I guess I didn't realize I had. But she knew my. My nose blow and heard it through the. The entire mall, which maybe. Maybe the mall wasn't doing well that day. Maybe nose blow could echo. But, yeah, that made me think of that. Your loud sneeze made me think of my ridiculous nose memory. A real nice memory of dawn, who I'm 90% sure was banging her manager, so. Oh, no, that nice memory just went a different direction. That mall sounds like a thing of the past, though. That mall has been taken down. They. What do they call that when they. They level it? They leveled that mall. Wow. Yeah. Lincoln Mall. JCPenney. Montgomery Ward. Yeah. What was the name of the store? We Bolts. There was a rebolt. Modern man was. Modern man was the Gentleman. The clothing store that she worked at, Just Jeans west, she worked there as well. Jamba Juice. Do you have a Jamba Juice? No, no, this was pre. Jamba. Yeah, yeah, this is pre. This was Orange Julius. Yeah, this was the. The 80s. That's when you wanted to work at the mall, when nobody was cooler than the guy at the record store. Man, the mall was awesome in the. Damn right it was. Walking around your Miami Vice jacket. Sports jacket, too. Was there more than one record store? There was three. Yeah. I was gonna say there was Music Land. There was Record Bar, then we were JR's Music Shop and Record Bar and us, we were like the kind of independent ones, and Music Land was the right. You know, when the person would come in. Do you have Mac Davis? No. Music Land. No. Camelot, but no Camelot. No, we were not a Camelot. Yeah. Did you get free records? Of course. We got the promos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how you learn about new. New records. Cool. What about Chess King? There was a Chess King. Silverman's yeah. So, yo, I was a model for Silver Jimmy. And your record store was there. Was there a Jimmy Pardo section like Jimmy recommends? Jimmy's Picks. Yeah, we would have staff picks. Yeah, sure. Mine was always probably the latest Chicago or RUSB Wagon or Sticks or Journey. Did you get to pick what you played on the PA system when people were shopping for every half record every. You know, so you got a record side and then. Okay, Jimmy gets this record side. Then that'd be Christie's turn. Josh, was that effective in selling that particular album? Sometimes people would walk up and say, what is this? And can you please turn it off? I don't need to hear Lee Rittenhauer while I'm trying to shop. Play something current and interesting. You know what? This is funny. One time we decided to do Jim Neighbors Day. And we played nothing but Jim Neighbors from Open to close. Ironically, nobody. I guess. Ironically. And nobody cared for that except for me and my manager, Keith. We thought it was the funniest thing in the world. That is pretty funny. Yeah. That it affects sales. You ran out of songs, didn't you? I think. Yeah. We also. Juice Newton Day. We played Juice Newton all day. We've had Juice Newton. Oh, yes. This was after Christmas, you know, like a couple weeks after Christmas where it's kind of just dead slow. We would do it during that time just to kind of entertain ourselves. What about a Susie Quattro Day? Sure. What was her big hit with the fella? Oh, Stumbling In. Great song. Stumbling In. Great song. Can you name the guy that she does the duet with? Chris Norman. Yeah, I guess. You can. We played a lot. Yeah, we do. There it is. Well, he really perked up. Yeah. Isn't it a great song? Tom does not care for this. Wait a minute. What he hates. What do you hate about this song? It's joy. It is Joy put to music now. It's not a drunk guy stumbling in. I thought it was about serendipitous love. Here's. Here's a song Tom loves. Ready? Yes. No, I don't love it. Disco Baby. Can you name this artist? It's Rick D's and his cast of idiots. No, it's not. It's Paul Lynn. Oh, it's Paul. I wasn't listening. It's not Disco Duck. No, it's not Disco Duck. Sounds like it. Yeah. That's Paul Lynn from his special, Right? Yeah, that's right. Nice horns. Nice horns. Nice horns. My son loves it. Basket horns. Bombastic. Now you're not a drinking man. I know that you are. I AM celebrating this July. 25 years of sobriety. Wonderful. I used to come into this show very often hungover, sometimes still drunk. When I used to drink in my early days of doing comedy, 25 years, I would drink Miller Light. That was my drink of choice. Chris. I love the taste of Miller. I still do. If somebody's drinking a Miller, right. I will take a sip of it and swish it around and then spit it out. And I do that, Josh, about two, 300 times a day. So I think I really. You are really someone we can learn. I think I really got this alcohol thing lick. Staying strong. Yeah. Stay strong one day at a time. It's not just less filling. It tastes great. Right? 12 steps. That's all it takes to get there. Gentlemen, we get a lot of mail here at the bottom of time, so I got to read this one for you. This begins with a new story we had about the world record steer. The tallest steer in the world is named Romeo, and Romeo was just. Just received this award. Six foot four and a half inches tall, and he's currently in an animal sanctuary. Eats 100 pounds of hay and 15 pounds of grain every day. Wow. And drinks a bathtub worth of water every day. He's a big guy. So we're. We're trying to figure what's the difference between a steer and a bull and a bull. And we learned that the steer is a castrated cow, and then the bull is the one that's full castrated. Yeah. So here we go. This is from Josh in Virginia says, good morning, everybody. I was listening to the podcast version of your show, so I'm a few days behind. On Friday's show, you were talking about steers and bulls. Well, we have about 200 mother cows. When I was about six years old, I was watching my father castrate calves. We used a rubber band about the size of a Cheerio. Okay. I asked my grandfather, what is daddy doing to that calf? My grandfather said, and I'm quoting directly, gonna take his mind off ass and put it on grass. I'm 42 years old now. I still use that line whenever someone asked what we were doing when we were doing that is, folks, castrations. Yeah. So that's kind of a simple thing. You just put a rubber band. Sure. Yeah. I know they did that a lot with hogs. I didn't know. We'll do that also with beef, if you will, but boy. Thank you. Josh Low. You just cut off the circulation until it just falls off. Yeah. Give me the slogan again, if you would, Josh this man. This gentleman's slogan. Yeah. It was get his mind off ass and on grass. Love it. Yeah, I love it. I want a T shirt. Yeah, they could do that. Well, thank you very much. We return to the SILAC Insurance news desk with Christy Lee. What's happening? They'll often castrate landscapers for that very same reason. So they're not looking at the wives. Yeah, yeah. Very smart. They have to do that. Focus on your work, gentlemen. Their minds off ass. Yeah. And on the ground. Rubber banded up. Yep. Right. A Michigan man charged with driving on a suspended license is now facing jail time after he joined his court hearing on zoom while driving. The now viral court footage shows Judge Cedric Simpson shocked to find the defendant, Corey Harris behind the wheel. When asked whether he was driving, Harris responds, quote, actually, I'm pulling into my doctor's office. Just give me one second. I'm parking right now. Harris's public defender asks for the case to be adjourned. But Simpson instead revokes Harris's bond and orders he must turn himself in to the Washington, the Washtenaw County Jail by that evening. He could drive over. Yeah. How dumb do you have to be? Gotta be dumb. Yep. Gotta be dumb. Wow. I like how the public defender just went. Can we adjourn? Done. Yeah, yeah. Put it in drive and get out of there. Well, good morning. It's Friday, and this is the best of the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. On the show today, Frank Caliendo, Jen Kobler, Greg Warren. Chick loses it, and Tom chases bike thieves. But coming up Next, musician Edwin McCain. You'll hear that in just a minute. Right here on the Bob and Tom Show. You met Lala Kent on Vanderpump Rules. Now Lala and her friends share everything on Give them Lala Bagel. Everybody says. I say that weird. It is. Ruined my proposal story how Jason proposed and she was like, he brought in a bunch of bagels. I was like, I have to stop this. I will punch you in the throat if you ever tell this story again and call it a bagel. Let me tell you now, when I tell the story, I go. He went and got breakfast. There you go. Bagels. Yeah. Watch what Lala is talking about on YouTube or search for Give them Lala wherever you listen. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. The gang is back in here live on Monday morning. Right now, a segment with musician, singer, songwriter Edwin McCain. We have a special guest in the studio, Eddie, our engineer, Tom. Oh, wait a minute. Can I ask you a favor? Yes, please. Don't embarrass us. Please try to act normal in front of Mr. McCain. Please, the singer and songwriter. Thank you. I tried. I'll make it the distinguished. There's my effort. Singer and songwriter, waiter, Evan McQueen. Edmund. So much for that. Edwin McCain. It's a hard name to say. Change it. Tough one. Whoa. Doesn't he sound like a. Like a sheriff in the old west, though? Lucas McCain. Yeah, that was my nickname. Oh, nice. The Rifleman. Well, really, if I'm telling the truth. So I went to this basketball camp. It was Dick and Dave Da Vincio's basketball. Oh, Dick and Dave, sure. If you remember Dave Da Vinci or Dick da Vincio, who's a big D2 college star and had a basketball camp. And I was a chucker. Oh, yeah. I was gonna shoot when I was 12 years old. My confidence far exceeded my ability, and I was gonna shoot, so I got the nickname the Rifleman. Oh, nice. There it is. That's cool. We call that. You were a gunner when you. Yeah, shut up. I'm putting it up. And the Rifleman was Chuck Connors. Yes. Yeah. And do you remember that. That it kind of leaked out that apparently he had an early start in. In the 50s era porn. Oh, God. Connor. Yeah. And he also played. Indeed. Yeah. Yeah. And he played for the Dodgers for a bit, I think. I think so. First base. And we all remember. Remember this, I'm sure. Rifleman. Oh, When TV Was TV. Sponsored by Pal Drive Hallmark. Today, kids, the only filterless cigarette. Edwin McCain is our guest. He's a very fine singer and songwriter. And you're on tour with. With Darius Rucker. And you've known him since before he was famous, right? We knew each other. We all knew each other as freshmen at the University of South Carolina. And my friendship with them was brief because my college career was a. A scant one semester they've been there. Yeah, it only took a semester for me in the university to discover that we had nothing to offer each other. Which is ironic because they've. They've twice now offered me an adjunct professor job in the last couple of years. And I keep reminding him, I'm like, you guys kicked me out, so. But yeah, we. Darius and I knew each other. We used to all go to this place called Muldoons. They had open mic nights. And Darius and Mark used to sort of host. This is open mic night. And I used to bug them to death. And get up and play. And then when I, I moved down to Hilton Head and started playing shows and they were, they started their band and when they would come through Hilton Head, they would come out and hang out with me at my, at my gig at the Tiki Hut behind, behind the Holiday Inn. Nice on the beach. And, and, and our, you know, we just, we were all friends and when they started kind of taking off, I put a band together and was opening for them. And you know, I. It was just one of those perfect timing things. We were all in the right place. Were they Hootie and the Blowfish right from the beginning. And they, you know, they did the thing. They sold like 10,000 independent albums. And that was like the magic number. If you were, if you were an indie band and you sold 10,000 CDs out of your van, you know, you'd get a record deal. And that was. Dave Matthews got signed and Hootie got signed and we were opening for Hootie and Darius, the A and R guy from, from Atlantic. Darius told the guy, he goes, look, we'll sign with you, but you need to bring our friend with you with us like that. Can you imagine? That's great. We'll sign with you guys, but you got to bring our big headed friend and he's terrible on the basketball court, but trust us, you know. And so yeah, you know. And Darius sang on the first single with me and did the whole deal deal with me. Honestly, I spent my whole life trying to repay them for what they did for me early in my career. But you guys were the ones that broke Solitude. Yeah, I remember started playing it crazy. Oh yeah, yeah. You were here when you were just a kid. Yeah, yeah. Edwin McKee. Did you start playing originals or were you doing covers when you first started going half and half. So. And that was a function of. I wasn't good enough. I wasn't. I wasn't good enough a guitar player to learn how to play the wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald. There's way too many chords. So I could play. I could play, you know, some, some covers like I had some. I played some seals, some Jimi Hendrix and like Jane's Addiction and Blues Traveler. And then I was playing. All the rest of it was my stuff. And that was only just because my stuff had less chords. Gotcha. Do you ever play covers now? Uh huh. I still play. Yeah, we have some. I play Earth Wind and Fire cover and we play. We have like random covers. I'm trying to think. I played a Gap Band cover. Oh, we Played AC DC the other night at the concert with the Collective Soul. That was pretty fun. That is fun. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And everybody's like, what's he doing singing Bond. Scott, don't worry about it. We're Speaking with Edwin McCain. You mentioned the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Pat, could we. At some point in today's show. I think it's. I think it's nice. Yeah, I think it'd be nice to talk about embarrassing. No, we're trying to let Edwin get us. He asked me, Please don't make me sink. He wants to get us. He wants to get his voice warmed up. And, Pat, you have a little tribute. Have you met Pat Godwin? Yes. Fine guitar player. If anything deserves context, it's this. Edwin. This is out of left field. I don't know. This is the first draft of the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. It was about a certain jazz singer. Goes something like this. God help me. It sits down below like the ship we all know. The rectum of Ella Fitzgerald. Sorry. She'd scat when she sang and her bottom would bang. A disaster when the winds would come early. Edwin, where are you going? Let's do an edit here. A doctor, it said, would always turn his head when performing her colon procedure. We're almost done, Edwin. There's polyps and corn and Louis Armstrong's horn. The rectum of Ella. You pick up on those chords. That's beautiful. Isn't that. There you go. Isn't that touching? See, that's the thing, though. Everybody doesn't realize that all these songs have. Have they? It's always the rewrite. My song I'll Be was the original. Was. Aunt B's got a fake shoulder and B makes bitches piece. Fussing it, Gomer. And B's got really flabby thighs. Yeah, you start there and then you go, very good. Paul McCartney did scrambled eggs. Edwin McCain, a tribute to Aunt B. And she's kind of from where you're from. That's right. That's right. Mount Airy. I had a bus driver from Mount Airy that I love. And it's actually. It's the reason why I don't have a bus driver now. I just knew I could never replace this guy. Wrong way, Dave. Specializing in U turns. And I swear to God, I go, so, Dave, he. He was the greatest driver ever. But that's all he was going to do. Hey, Dave. Yeah, Turd. He called me turd. Hey. Hey, the trash can's full. Do you mind dumping it while we're on stage? Tonight, I'd rather quit. I love guys like that. All right. Yes. And he'd be real ornery on the way out, but about, I don't know, 300 miles from home, he'd be like, hey, turd, you need me to pull over and get you anything? He'd be all sweet, 200 miles coming into home, you know? And you do drive your own bus. You were telling me last time you were here that you had to take some kind of a special test to be able to drive that. Yeah, well, I didn't for years because we were private coaches. But now we're under the doctor DOT and. And. And all the thing. And I remember when I had to get all the, you know, how to get my company my DOT number, and I had to have. To have, like, I had to submit my driver training program, and we have to be on a random drug screen, and I went to the old wrong way and I said, hey, Dave. Hey. Yeah, turd, you know, we're gonna be on a random drug screen now, you understand? That goes well. Hey, turd, today's my last day. Has Darius ever ridden on your bus? Darius has ridden in an airplane with me. Oh, I flew him. I'm a pilot, and I flew us from one gig to another. And when we landed, he looked at me and went, you really do know how to fly. And I was like, you got in this plane not 100% sure. That's faith. That is serious business. You're working on a new project, and I understand we're working on getting some of the. Some of the background of that set up for you. Yeah, I've got a record. First time. First record I've made in 15 years. And, you know, Lee Bryce and Bobby Bones kind of talked me into it. I was sort of in that mindset of nobody. Nobody, really. You know, everybody's like, everybody be nice. When are you putting out a new record? I'm like, you're not gonna buy it? Like, you know, what are you talking about? I'm. I'm the same way. I listen to this same first two ACDC records that I love, and I don't know any of the other ones, you know, and so I'm. And. And I got talked into it. I was like, okay, I'll make another record. I'll go do this one more time. Got a record deal, got a management company, and, you know, I'm back out here showing my kids. The old man's gonna make a lap, you know, let's see what. See what the old man could do. I've been. Got back in shape. I'm, you know, trying to. Trying to go out here and do it one more time. All right. Who knows. Who knows what's gonna happen? But. And are these songs you wrote? Most of them. This one you're gonna hear is Matt Ramsey from Old Dominion is on it, and it's his. It's a song he wrote. And I called him and I said, hey, man, do you have any happy songs? It's not really what I do. And I got a pile of really sad ones over here, and I need a happy song. And he sent me this song, and then we. We ended up cutting it together, so. And how many did you write for the. Had you. For the last 15 years, Jeff, songs sitting around, you've been thinking about, right? This whole time I've been writing. So what I would do is, like, any, you know, things would happen, and I would write a song for whoever the person was and record it and send it to them. It wasn't ever. You know, songs don't always have to be for commercial consumption. So I had lots of songs. But the problem is, is a lot of the songs are after some tragic. I mean, you know, where. You know where we are in our lives, right? Like, there's a lot of. You know, there's a. It's a different spot we're all in. And so I had all these songs. I was like, God, this is a pile of sets. Have you ever been approached to take one of your songs and turn it into a commercial? Have you ever been asked? Not. Not off the top of my head. I mean, I know that a lot of the songs. I mean, listen, I've been all over Toyota about greatest van of your life. Take me up on it. I was like, are you kidding me? This song's tailor made for that. And. But I. But no, I haven't. I haven't gotten lucky. Approach the drug companies. If you watch. If you watch the evening news, every commercial is for some. I can't. I usually can't figure out what illness or ailment it's for, because it's always the same thing. People in beautiful country spots walking around playing Frisbee with dogs. But then you'll hear, oh, wait a minute, that's. Whatever. That's Earth, wind and fire, whoever it might be in the background. Maybe one of your tunes. Cash in. Well, I have been approached by a bunch of companies trying to buy my catalog, which is interesting. And it's. And I suspect it's the AI AI thing That's coming. It's going to create a new revenue stream for publishing because they have to have some kind of license to basically co opt your entire musical style. Like, like the AI the fans of Oasis got so tired of waiting for an Oasis record that they got AI to do it. And it's shockingly good, but it poses all kinds of copyright infringement questions. And so that's going to be an interesting. Well, cool. Are you going to sell if they ring the bell, if they hit the number, and then y'all will be like, whatever happened to that guy? New bus, new plane. I don't. But he's smiling somewhere. New island. Writing happy songs now, right? He's back at the Tiki Bar. I'm back at. I'm back at the Holiday Inn at the Tiki. That's right. I bet those were great days though, huh? I, I, I love. I, I didn't know any better. I was 18 and I moved to Hilton Head and I figured I just got as many gigs as you could get. And So I played 10 a week. I played three on Saturdays. I played 12 to 4 at the Tiki Hut, 6 to 10 at this place called Sneakers Across Town, and then 10:30 to 1:30 at Daddy's Ax. I didn't know you weren't supposed to play three shows. How'd your voice hold up? I, Well, I was 18. Yeah, I mean, you know, I, I, you can't be killed by conventional weaponry back then. Imagine. There were probably some groupies and probably good days. There were. There was a lot of girls from Ohio, as I recall. Like Ohio. Apparently, if Hilton Head is like the closest beach to Ohio, I guess is like a lot of, a lot of, a lot of nice people from Ohio. Well, that's nice. Generous. Generous. Yeah. Eager. Yeah. Giving people from. We've always said that Tom and I are from Ohio. Yes, we're giving. That's right. Darn right. We're gonna make Edwin McCain play a song here in a minute. I know. We're trying to get your vocals all lined up there. We have time for a quick news story from Christy Lee first, though. How about that? Yeah, sure. A remote tribe in the Amazon was connected to the Internet using Elon Musk's Starlink. And among the other things, they discovered porn. Yep. According to the New York Times, the Marubo people who live along the Itui river, deep in the Amazon rainforest. Ah, that's Patui Forever. Preserved their way of life for hundreds of years until gaining high speed Internet access last September. Isn't this A terrible thing. It's a horrible thing. In the nine months. Progress, Grandma, grandpa, it's all progress. The village has had Starlink. Villagers have fallen for scams and become addicted to social media and pornography. 73 year old Taz. Oh, boy. Tazanima Marubo told the Times that everyone was happy at first as they were able to video chat with faraway loved ones and send out emergency calls. And though she said things have gotten worse, Tess Amaria followed up by saying, but please don't take our Internet away. This new window to the outside world has left many in the tribe feeling torn and has created division among tribal members. Well, thank goodness that hasn't happened to us. Can you imagine if social media drove us apart? Right? Yeah. It just seems like a terrible thing to do to these people. People, right? Leave them alone. They were doing just fine. Yes, and how ironic that it's Amazon.com too. Yeah. I wonder if they deliver there. Can I get a new spear? I wonder what kind of porn they're into. Josh, what do you think? I don't know. Wouldn't that be odd? It is. Seeing it for the very first time. And how'd they find it? I mean, is that. Is it just human instinct to type in people doing it? Yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, if it's like Amish and they just like watching them build furniture and stuff. Yeah, yeah. It's not. It's not our porn at all. Like, they're just looking at people using silverware. Well, if you don't know how to already, we're gonna learn you something on this Friday morning. We're gonna teach you how to Tom speak. It's coming up in just a few minutes. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Bravo TV star Lala Kent holds nothing back on the Give Them Lala podcast. No, I have a very short view. Get to know the TV personality. I don't need to watch the show because I get the real life version from relationships and motherhood. Let me tell you something about breastfeeding. To business and beyond. You are scared of failure, so it's. It prevents you from trying. This is where we implement a big set of ovaries and then we obsess. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show on a Friday. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. A great segment here. It's called Tom Speak because this is the way that Tom speaks. Willie Griswold's here. Hey, man in the house. There's Ace. I'm chicken. And here's Tom. Got some Tom speak for starters. As do I. I'd say this is poetry. Okay. Now, Tom speak is when you can't think of the word, you can't think of what it is. Happens to us all the time. Here's a good one. Brandon writes, my little son was playing with the hose nozzle. He said, look, Daddy, it's smoke water. It was on the mist setting. Isn't that sweet? Yeah. Kind of reminds me of that great song, Smoke on the Water. Ladies and gentlemen, a little bit of Deep Purple for you. Oh, sorry. That sounds like some kind of proverb. Native Americans. The smoke water tells us that. Ah, yes, the humidity is coming. Mick from Bakersfield. Ah, that Bakersfield sound. He said he was listening to the March 18th show. That's right. He went back a ways. Why would you do that? Go ahead. He was just catching up. Halfway through the episode tomorrow, you apparently referred to pigs in a blanket as. Oh, yeah, Dick dogs. Yep. Sorry. Mix that. He had to pull over. He was crying for a while. Sometimes the clip is so bad, Spangle sends it to me. Not to post, just to be like, hey, you gotta see this. You gotta make sure you know where your dad is right now. I thought I was. You also called them like angels in the past. Yeah, I couldn't remember the name of angels in a basket, which is a little nice. I never made them until recently when I was instructed as how to do it. It. You take that. You needed instructions. I'd never done. I'd never done it. I. You've never had crescent rolls before? No, I'd had the kind where you hit the tennis can on the side of the thing, and then they take the hockey pucks. They turn into biscuits. I love. So let me jump in here. So if someone gives you wieners and a roll of crescent rolls, you just can't figure it out? No, no. I. I was just not familiar with the recipe. Oh, yeah, that's it. And they're delicious. You're not answering my question. Did you add anything else to them, like cheese or. No, no, no, no. Okay. My mother's just put cheese on them. They were great. My mother used to make hot dogs with bacon and cheese. Wow. And I never really liked them. Yeah, that's a lot. Yeah. Yeah, that's a. Yeah, that's a lot of bacon. I mean, that's a lot of pork. That's a lot of hog. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, nitrates. Didn't you watch a movie this weekend called that's a Lot of Hog? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Part two. Yes. Yes. Starring Dick Moore. He Rogers. So pigs in the blanket. Cousin Roger's porn. Cousin Dick Moore. Pigs in a blanket are favorite at your house is what you're saying. The kids like them. Yeah, I. I literally. Seriously, I never made them or had them. Now, do you eat them or do you just make them for the girls? I bought a couple. They're delicious. Okay. I don't believe it. That geese is cabbage and ground beef. Pigs in the blanket. What's that now? Cabbage and ground beef. Spicy ground beef. And they call those pigs in a blanket. That's what we call them. Yeah. That's like a heartbeat away from a perogi, isn't it? Very pretty. Close. Polish. Polish. And I don't know how we started this on Friday, but people were just checking in, telling us what they were doing and just under on a normal day. Oh yeah. Tom had a plug. Somebody we'd never heard of. I was plugging Willie's friend, Notre Dame. We didn't even say that. Oh, that was. Yeah, because it was in Janesville and I was with the last time we did a show up in. In Bowler Wisconsin. All we need is. This just has to stop. It's. I know. I'm very sorry. I'm very. Well you should be. Specific thing someone in Janesville said, hey, if it's comedy, we never have live shows up there. And there's this club up there where we can't have. I sent a late night email. I apologize. Do you ever hear someone talking and realize it's your fault? Halfway through that was so funny you mentioned something and I knew it was going to be my issue. I'm so. And I knew I was gonna be red face. It was the guys a former basketball player doing stand. We had. We none of us knew anything. It's. Yeah, we can we. Let's do this off air then. So then all I heard was Yakovich Brogovich or whatever the hell it was. Alex Dragovich. So then Chick said, you know what? Why don't we just get everybody to tell us. Yeah, everybody. Give me an update on what you've been doing. Thanks for doing that. I didn't even know you did that. So we got railroaded. Every this from this. This from Johnny this morning. Johnny. Hey guys. I just wanted to let you know I cooked a nice chuck roast in the crock pot onion soup mix on Friday. Pretty good. Oh, that's good. That's a good recipe. Chuck roast in the crock pot. That's delicious. And coming up in The. We have interesting two interesting meat stories today. Sorry, Pat, I know you don't eat meat anymore. No. Do you miss it? Yeah. Gotta have your meat a little bit. Okay. All right. Yeah. We got brisket. We have brisket in the news. As well as a giant meat spill. Low and slow, Tom. Back to cooking issues. After hearing Tom go on and on and on and on for years, they get it about egg hole toast. I had to try it. And my apologies go to you, Tom. You're 100% correct. A little bit of cheese, it's delicious. It's toast and eggs. That's all it is. Like everyone else. No, it's not. Yes, well, it is, but it's a different way to present it, isn't it? Yeah, no. You have a piece of toast and a fried egg. It's not the same as cooking the egg inside the toast because very, very close to this. The chemistry. I'm currently. The chemistry. I'm currently reading American Prometheus. So my knowledge of chemistry now is getting expanded greatly. And as you know, look up a lot of words, boy. I did. As you know, Oppenheimer, famous for Oppie. Actually, you know what he was famous for? Oddly enough, he was quite the Coxman. Yeah. No, no. Well, that true. I was gonna say cocktail guy. He was the hit of cocktail party. He loved mixing drinks for his friends, and he loved getting his scientist genius friends and others drunk. Yes, sir. And then he'd sit back and listen. Yeah, that's what he'd do. And chain smoked. Oh, he loved this. Drinking with a scientist is probably so lame. He's like, shaking your cocktail, like, hey, don't want to split an atom. What's going on here, huh? Do you hear about these two Austrian physicists or. Hey, I am one of those. Go ahead. What were you going to. What about her? Well, how many does it take to screw an atomic bomb? All I know is the electromagnetic field of her panties could not keep these atoms out of her DNA. What accent was that? I think we defended. We're part that somewhere in there. Once again, the recipe. I'll tell you, Josh, bread, take a shot, glass, make the hole, and you fry. And as Ace pointed, you can also fry the whole. You. You cut. Sure, yeah. Yeah, that'd be something. We did it one morning. Butter from actual dairy cows. Once again, I'm pro dairy. That's right. More toast. Sorry, Pat, you don't. You don't drink dairy, do you? No. No dairy either. What do you drink exactly? The, you know. Coconut milk. Coconut milk Water. Almond milk, Boy, it's got to be. No, no, not almond milk. We interrupt this broadcast for this comment. This is Jared from Kentucky. For the love of God, we know how to cook eggs and toast. Jared. I'm so sorry, Jared, but that's. Now we have a Chick McGee at the Bob and Tom sports desk. An Arizona man has broken the Guinness world record for the largest collection of fossilized feces. No. Really? No. Welcome back. No. Are these. Yeah. Well, this is. This is not from humans, right? Boy, if I wanted to see ancient pieces of crap, I turn on C Span. Thank you very much. No need to go on. Thank you very much. We got it right there. George Fransen possesses over 8, 000 coprolites. Doesn't that sound. Doesn't that sound like copper light? Sounds like some kind of thing that you'd buy on the Internet. You can drink like 9, 10 copper lights. Have a nice day on the beach. Hang out. You want to stay hydrated. You want to stay? Yeah. You need more copper drink. I don't know if it's a bee or like Gatorade. I'm not sure where it is. He also owns the world's largest coprolite from a carnivore. A specimen called Barnum that measures. They named the coprolite. It measures 2ft 2.5 inches long. What an honor for P.T. barnum. The world's largest fossilized turf. Is that who they named it after? There's a sucker who buys old poop every minute. Born every minute. Isn't that Barnum's old saying? The collection is on display at the Poozeum. The Pooze. Where's the Poo Zeum? In Williams, Arizona. How are you? Not on a flight there, kids. We got her. Got the summer vacation planned. Is it called the Poozeum or did you call it the Pooze? No, it is called the Poozeum. That. I did not make that up. How has will he not been there? And as this is a. This is straight from the Guinness Book of World Records, so. How about that? Oh, there he is with a giant piece of. One of them. That looks like a foot. Way too close to to it. Yeah, it looks like Shaq broke his ankle. I'm glad you said Shaq. Looks like a big piece of shack. Oh, God. I wonder what animal that's from. I assume these are dinosaurs. Eh? I mean, I don't know. Oh, geez. That a carnivore? That's all we got. Yeah. Oh, then. Then no, probably. Well, it could be a Tyrannosaurus. Rex, maybe. I don't know. I would think that'd be bigger, but. Wow. Interesting. That's not our only world record. Today we have one that actually involves our show. Yeah. David Rush has tied the Guinness. Tied the Guinness world record for the most balloons inflated by nose in three minutes. By nose. David noted that the initial Bob and Tom balloons he used for his attempts qualified for the record, but they were too thick to tie off. Oh, that's right. We get the good ones. Well, excuse us for having high quality. Just let it go. Let it go. Come on. He was forced to switch to thinner Bob and Tom balloons. I don't want to upset David Rush. Gosh. Okay, let's not upset David. He got the record. What do you want? He did not get the record. He tied it. Well, that means he's. The idea is he wants to get what, a half assed attempt? Oh, boy. Oh, you think you could do this? You'd blow out your ear. You gotta win. There we go. Now watch this. Oh, you gotta tie him too. Huh? He's blowing them. It's amazing. Could you blow up a balloon with your nose? Why do you find this amazing thing? Every idiot balloon let him know he can keep those balloons. Yeah, we don't need those back. This has. This has boogers inside. Yeah, he developed it from the famous Honky the nose blowing clown. There are. You know, there are two. Well, Honky the Clowns, you got to be careful which one you. Yeah, yeah. You guys remember homie the clown on In Living Color? Sure. Very funny. That was as awesome a character as there was. Homie. Clown. Okay. I mean, I was, what, 12? Couldn't believe it. He was hitting people with a sock. Real belligerent. Just walk up and hit him with real. Coming up next hour, chick loses it. And the big bang theory Theory is coming up. But next it's comedian Ali Breen with sexy time. Stand by. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome to the Jungle Clones. It's the Jim Rome show Podcast. The greatest and loyal fan base ever. You, the clones. It all starts with the jungle. We're in it to win it, and I'm in it to go as hard as I possibly can every day to make sure that you clones get the best possible product every single day. Day one, all in. Let's freaking go. The Jim Rome show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Welcome back to the Friday morning best of the Bob and Tom show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Some more great stuff coming up this morning, including Frank Caliendo. Tom, hunting down bike thieves. But right now, it's Sexy Time with Ali Breen. There she is. There's Ali Breen. Hi, Ali. Hi, guys. Good morning. Now, Ally is our stand up comedian and based in New York City. And you're home today. I am home. Yep. I'm guessing the plant behind you is fake, is that correct? Oh, yes, very fake. Okay. Absolutely. It's also my Christmas tree. So it's. It's a year round. It has a purpose. Year round. Okay. The way the show works is people send you letters with love problems, relationship issues. We try to tackle them. We have a panel of amateurs here. No one really qualified to be discussing any of this, but that's what we're here for. Let's get to our first letter. We can help somebody, maybe. What do you got? Dear Allie, I've gone out with this guy a few times who I really like. Here's the thing. He constantly does this throat clearing thing and spits out loogies. Oh, it's embarrassing. And a real turn off. I passively, aggressively wince every time he does it, but he doesn't seem to notice. Do I really have to actually say something to him like I'm his mom? What's going on here? Yes. Yeah. No, you gotta. That's disgusting. Is he. Is he chewing tobacco? No, it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like he's. Clear his throat. Yeah, he's got to knock that off. Is that a. Is that a condition or ailmentary? Is there something going on there that he has to spit? Ew. Constant drainage. So gross. Maybe you need to see a doctor. Maybe you can couch it that way. Say, hey, look, I think you might have a. I'm worried. Yeah, you need to go see a doctor so you can quit hawking, I believe is the term often used. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, that's really gross. Gross. Okay, so you can just start doing it in front of him and see how he takes it. By the way, how did loogie get its name? You know, I don't know. I don't either name? Lou. It's so disgusting. It sounds. It sounds vaguely Italian. Yeah, it's like a rice ball. Really red peppers in there. They're both gross. Okay, sorry. Let's move on. One step away. Yeah, we really can't help. Yeah, that loogie's not going to be of any use unless you're doing a Brokeback Mountain retake. Dear Ally, my husband's best friend just got divorced and now my Husband hangs out with him a lot. I want to support him supporting his friend, but he's acting like he's single too. Coming home drunk at 1am we have kids, so I can't go out with them. But isn't this a little inappropriate? If my bestie got divorced, I don't think he'd be okay with me behaving like that. But he says of course I would. Am I being unreasonable? I think he's lying. I think you're right. What do you think he's lying about? Well, that he'd be okay with her doing it. Oh. Oh, yeah. You just need to start making plans on the weekend before he does, so even if his friend needs him, you can go hang out with your friends and go out and get. Yeah, no, no. Come home at 1am like, you watch the kids. We're switching. Sorry. Why should she be stuck? Ellie, do you have any thoughts on this? I'm with Jazz. She's got to be able to go out and do her thing too. You know, maybe they can switch weekends, but I. But doesn't sound like she wants to go out and party. She just wants her husband back, so I don't know what the situation is there. He's having an affair. Yeah. I think it's that organized. I think he's just banging whatever's coming by with his drunk buddy. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe she could be, like, have him at the house. Let's have him here, and you guys can drink. That's not a bad idea. Yeah, in the backyard. Build a fire pit. Also, it might be an unpopular opinion. You're not letting them drink. It's very fun to play drinking games with kids. You play beer pong with a kid? They have a Capri Sun. They're not drinking beer, but it's a really good time. Yeah, a root beer or something. The Capri sun at the end, I was like, what? We've been approaching this the wrong way. What we got to do is. So the. The husband's best friend is newly single. Yep. So fix him up with one of your friends, preferably one that will ruin his life and then move on. Yeah, there's a time for that, for sure. I mean, that's. There's actually some sound advice there. Hey, I'm gonna have one of my friends over. She's single. You're single. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You both drink to excess all the time. When one of you doesn't have a dui, you can drive, you know? Sounds like a great. Like a Hallmark movie. Okay, let's move on. We need another letter from Ali Breen. What have you got, Ally? Dear Ally, I am a personal trainer and my boyfriend rented a house on Lake Como for the month of August and he wants me to come. I don't get paid if I don't work, so is it wrong to ask him to cover my losses to join him? I don't want anything to do with this. Oh, my God. At all. Don't go. Oh, boy. Or have it by a prostitute. Some quality. Okay, she's gonna pay for it. Let's get some quality going. Oh, I don't think that he needs to, like, give you a stipend or anything, but if he's inviting you on vacation, well, she's gonna lose money. Will he? Well, no, but he should at least take care of things while. While she's up there, right? I'm sure he will, but I think if you don't work for a month, you got to still pay your bills. What kind of gig do you get where you get a one month in a row off? That's awesome. Teacher. People can work remote now. Yeah. Oh, but she can't for the most part. No, she can't. He probably can't just go for a few weekends. Yeah. Try to get a couple clients out there. Isn't that in Italy? I think it's the one in Wisconsin. I would imagine right by Lake Geneva instead of right by Lake. It's where the Perry Como family. I mean, it's beautiful up there. Go to Chuck's, get some soggy bread. They do the Italian bread and they just put the A jus right on there. You get to eat it up. It's delicious. Oh, I thought they were going to Italy for. That's what I thought. Yeah. Well, maybe. Yeah. Well, so the answer is what? That's a tough call. Just go for a week or a couple weekends is a good idea. Or find some clients. I don't know. How hard is it to find clients in Lake Como? Maybe she can find some work out there. I think most of the exercise that goes on in that region of Wisconsin is just people doing reps, picking up cheese curds, putting them in their mouth. Same thing. Curls of spotted cow. You're on vacation. Don't exercise. I hate people that exercise on vacation. Can we say that? Oh, my goodness. We're having fun. We're not getting on the peloton. Have a good time. Go to the beach, go for a walk. Lot A lot of people do work out. I can get behind that. Okay. Ally, Breen can be reached A L L I B R E E N and let us know your issues. What else have you got over there? Ally? Dear Ally, my boyfriend is an over the top kind of guy. Bringing me flowers all the time, opening car doors, paying for everything. How dare. He has a beautiful condo that I practically live at. So he told me he owned it, and I. I found a pile of mail hidden away that had eviction notices and other credit. Trying to collect money. What's your favorite part of the story? Right, right. I found a pile of mail hidden away. Yeah, yeah, we often. You often just find things that are hidden away. It took me eight weeks and three beagle dogs, but I found it. Well, what's the issue? He's apparently not what he's pretending to be. He's if he does. Yeah. She says, well, thank God that poor thing found out. They're. He's. They're probably gonna foreclose on the condo and. Okay. See, isn't that great? You get to break up early so you don't have to deal with it and bail him out. Good job. Great. Well, that's your question. She says she doesn't know what to do because she can't confront him since she was snooping. Right, but is he a sociopath? Or is there possibly a good example? But you jump right to sociopath paperwork. Yeah, she also found a dismembered body in the refrigerator. He's just bad with money, apparently. But nobody's. Also. He's pretending to be something, right? Yeah, you don't want to deal with that. None of your damn business what he's going through with his condo. Do him a favor and break up with him. Really? Yes. Yes. I don't know. There's all these shows on Netflix now about people. Why? Are you not mad that he's lying to her? No, because it's not. He's not. Yes, he is. He's pretending to be this. Are you not mad that she found something? Hey, Ali. Ali. In the letter, does she say that he specifically told her that he paid for the condo, or does it say she thought it was paid for? She says, he told me he owns it, but found a pile of mail hidden away. So. Yeah. Would you say. Would you say you own your car even though it's not paid off? Yes. Yes. This bitch is being completely unreasonable. I think there are so many shows right now, like True Crime. And that's the problem. Guys are actual psychos and sociopaths. So I'm on this girl's side. No, no, that's the problem. She watches these shows and assumes that. That her life has these things as well. Yep. Quick lime visque. That's all you need. Leave this guy alone. No, but this guy is also posing as something he is not. Game of life doesn't. Who doesn't do that when they're dating? That's not illegal. It's love bombing. That's true. It's like love bombing when you go over the top up, you know? And that's a narcissistic behavior. Love bombing. Oh, is it? Gifting things to other people with stolen. With stolen money. You've embezzled the letters. I took eight weeks to get them, and I found it. So our conclusion is both these people are horrible. Oh, they're all. Okay, good. Okay, we solved it. Next. Oh, yeah. Okay. Dear Ellie. Oh, okay. Dear Ellie, I cheated on my boyfriend and he ended up forgetting. Oh, you poor thing. O. Oh, he. For. He forgave you. Yes. After two months back, I walked in at. I walked in on him at his house actually having sex with one of my friends, like in the act. Oh, I'm glad you said act. Yeah, because if the next sentence had been, I would never let him do that. And now he likes it better. But that's not cheating. Oh, yes, it is. That's getting even. What? That is. Good job, buddy. Yeah. How did she react? Okay, I flipped out, of course, and lost my mind. After fighting forever, he said, well, now we can move forward because we're even. I'll be damned if we will. That's insane that he did this on purpose when I had just made a mistake. Mean ladies. I hate mischief. Did I forgive him, or will this just happen again? This relationship is over. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He banged your friend. Wow. Like, did you bang one of his besties? Well, bang one of his friends and then. No, no, you can't. Can't keep saying that. That is dumb. But here's the thing. You can't. You can't call her scorched earth and then get mad when she scorches the earth. I got an argument stopper. There we go. We'll see. All right. God. Let's turn this up a notch. This relationship should. It should end. Go ahead. Absolutely. That. That's a. This is a short of killing them both. You have no respect for each other. Just. God, no. Or. Or other people. Right. Can you imagine? I do kind of feel for. I know she cheated, but don't you feel for somebody who walks in anybody, Especially in the act? Act. I said act. Okay. Has that ever happened to you? I've never walked in on that. I've walked, I've, I've walked in on my buddy. But it was, you know, it was just him and his girlfriend. Right. Oh, geez, I'm so sorry. But it was also as funny a thing as I, I, I don. I can delicately put what they were doing. Yeah, I, I, When I was it. In the act, Josh. In the act. It was when I was in college. I just want to say that the, the, the beds in Carmen hall were squeaky. And I remember one night is after about, after about 20 minutes, I. Henry. Yeah? Finish it off, for God's sake. Were you on the bunk above or were you next? No, across the. Wrap it up, Henry. I've been done for 10 minutes. We're coming right back with the Big Bang Theory. Theory, Theory, Theory. Think about that. This is the Bob and Tom show. Wow. What am I gonna do? I've gotta get this box to Los Angeles by tomorrow. So just FedEx it. Are you kidding? It's too big. Well, then overnight it. By train. By train? All the way across the country. Overnight? Are you crazy? No, pal, he's not crazy. The famous Norfolk and Winston Railroad has just merged with Waypal Delivery Services. Together, our new company will revolutionize the overnight delivery business. Taskforce by name, we're. Hold it. You're telling me you can get this 2,000 pound package from New York to LA overnight by train? Norfolk and Way, pal. Overnight. Absolutely, positively, absolutely, positively. We will get you through it. There's Norfolk and Way, pal. We are gonna do it when you go by rail. No package is too large and we'll get it there overnight. Norfolk and Way, pal. That's the name. We do it by train, cross country, by rail, overnight. There's Norfolk and Way, pal. Here at the bridge. Bronx Zoo. He actually shipped Washoe the gorilla to the San Diego Zoo overnight. We had to pry his eyes open on the west coast, but he's fine now. Absolutely, positively, absolutely, positively. We will get through it. There's Norfolk and Way. Ask yours by name. Overnight by train. Norfolk and Way, pal. Norfolk, Virginia, Rocking on the Bob and Tom show for a Friday. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios again. The gang is back in here live in studio on Monday morning. Right now, the Big Bang Theory. Theory. Chick. We've received a theory from a listener who. I think he's on to something here. Is this about the carnage weekend at the compound? It is not. Oh, okay. Go ahead. Is that something you wanted to revisit no, no, no, no. I. This is Tom. We. We know that Chick is not a fan of the show the Big Bang Theory. True, right. Doesn't care for it. I watched it several times and never laughed. I think it's great show. Okay. Tom loves it. Chick. The opposite. Well, Pat has written in from Piedmont. He says, I was surprised to hear the Chick doesn't like the Big Bang Theory. But then I went to their Wikipedia and here's what it says. The show revolves around a group of people trying to deal with a guy quote. Who finds many routine aspects of social situations difficult to grasp. He is determined to have his own way, continually boasting of his intelligence, and has an extremely ritualized way of living. Whoa. Ta da. Pat says, I think I understand why he doesn't wash. You are living it. That's true. You wouldn't find it entertaining. Yeah. And that's why you enjoy it so much. Yeah, that's why I think it's wonderful. I think it's great. I think it's great. Terrific cast. Everybody's fun. It is a very, very bright. Which one was in the. There was a movie that one. One of the girls was in that she was naked. What. What movie has she played a flight attendant in something. Kaylee Cuoco was naked in that. No, no, no, the other. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, it's. We talked to Mr. Somebody about it. Somebody else's girlfriend on the show. She has large. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's very. She's very funny. Very, very. A Spanish race walker. Now, wait, hold on a second. Does this involve. You're gonna like this. We have accompanying video. Oh, this is, this is the athletic sport of race walking. This is not some kind of protest thing, right? This isn't somebody stepping on the backs of crossing a bridge signs. Talk about the word race. He feels like it's okay. Go. I thought this sport was dropped. A Spanish race walker who celebrated her win prematurely missed out on securing a medal. According to ESPN, Laura Garcia Cairo is about to win third place in the 2024 European Athletics Championships and started to celebrate as she approached the finish line. Oh, no, here she is. Oh, she's got a little cat race walking. She didn't quite do it. She was pumping her arms. They're running. They're not, they're not walking anyway. No, they're walking. They're walking. Okay. I, if, if, if they make a Disney movie with people who look like. Who look like canines, I just cheat. She has a bit of a muzzle. Bit of an angular. It's like a great day come to life. Race walking is fraudulent. It's not a fraudulent. No. What do you mean? She's wearing a cape. Race walking. It looks like. Looks like normal people who really have to go to the bathroom in a hurry. It does. That was. They're jogging at the end. It's very well policed. You have to have a foot on the ground at all times. And apparently after watching that video people are protesting saying all their. Their feet are off the ground. So they're not technically racial. People are protesting. And this was Ukraine's Ludmila Ola Vaska snuck pastor to snag the bronze medal. All right. Right. You know racewalk. Racewalking is when you've got. There's one cart at the grocery store and you see someone else going for it. You do that race walk thing. That's as close as it is to. I thought race walking was when you cross the street when you're in certain neighborhoods and you pass people. That's how Tom does on a daily basis. Daily basis. Thank you, Will. I scared. You don't have to. Yes. And me that much when I'm calling you racist. I know. I rodeo bull over the weekend. I just think rod. Race walking. Didn't they drop it from the Olympics? I don't know. I'll look it up maybe. I don't get why that one's real. I don't get why they do where they have the hurdles and then you have to get wet. I don't get why that's a real event. Steeplechase. Steeple chase. That looks like a fake one. I didn't think it was. It's so crazy that that's a real track and field event and they have to dig up the track to put it in anyway. How come you're digging up the turf? We gotta put a giant puddle here. There are two race walking distances contested at the Summer Olympics. 20 km. 50 km. 50 is men only. 20 is men. How do they police that? That's men only. No girls. No girls. That's the He Man Woman hatings club there. Yes. Tree Fort. Al Bundy's. No, ma'am. Thinking about going to the rodeo. Who's is it? Dusty Slay who said I need to go to two or three more rodeos? Because I'm getting tired of people asking me this ain't my first rodeo. Oh, that way. I've done at least two. Yeah, that's from Sisters. Oregon. Rodeo bull hopped a fence surrounding an Oregon arena and ran Through a concession area into the parking lot, where it hopped into its car and injured at least three before wranglers caught up with them. The crowd at the 84th Sisters Rodeo singing along with Lee Greenwood's God Bless America as the bull ran around the arena before it hopped over the fence. Video posted online shows there's the God bless the USA like it's nothing. I knew Tom would lose his mind. If a bull goes into the crowd, it's yours to keep. That's right. The amazing thing is he knew where to jump to get out of the arena. He's been planning this. Yeah, he has. He has been planning this. That bull barely had horns. Did you see it? Oh, and they weren't sharp. So 2,000 pounds of meat ju in your lap would be okay. I'm terrified. Here he goes running around. Lee Greenwood, God bless the usa. Oh, listen to Tom when it goes over the fence. Takes a running. Getting close. Here he goes. Ah. And it's kind of a no look pass thing. He kind of doesn't even look when he turns last. He knew exactly where he was. He sees there's a space so he doesn't land on the stands, but. Right, right. He gets that. He wasn't trying to hurt people. There's some poor guys out there in the behind the stands getting a hot dog. That is funny. And he hears the crowd scream, turns around. Ah, Yeah. I wonder what I missed. Hey. Hey, buddy. I was. You think you get a rack of ribs? Thank you. Thank you very much. Boy, these are delicious. What? It's like the Larson comic where the cow is laying in the lawn chair sunbathing, and he's thinking, boy, I could go for a cheeseburger and some milkshake. Cliff diving's marquee event thrilled spectators in Boston at the Royal or the Red Bull cliff diving World Series, 100th stop in history. Participants plunged up to 90ft from a waterfront art museum into the harbor below on Saturday. The Boston diving event is the only US Stop this year because it's insane. The series wraps up in Sydney, Australia, in November. Organizers say the cliff diving attracts a special kind of athlete, especially when winning means leaping from the art museum into frigid waters in Boston. Third straight year that the spectator event has come to Boston. They had the. They had the announcers standing up on top of the platform where the guys were going to dive from. And this can't. The whole time? Yeah, no, not the whole time. But when they sw. They're doing. They're welcome. Oh, you're looking Live at Boston Bassets. The two guys are out there on where they're diving from. Nerve wracking. Remember when you were a kid in the wide world of sports? They'd be doing it in Mexico. And they have. But they have to wait for the wave to come because if it's gets. Yeah. Too shallow, though. Yeah, he's not going yet because. Because he'll hit solid rocks. You know, the jumpers don't care to see the rocks before they. That's why they don't. And a couple of those guys, I remember they were kind of heavy set. That was one of my favorite events. Terrifying sports. Yeah. But I didn't. And I didn't realize at the time those were all taped. So if something had gone wrong, you wouldn't have seen. You wouldn't have seen it. Of course not. I mean. Of course. But the only reason I thought it was happening as I was watching. The only reason to watch it is to hope. If something goes wrong, you wanted somebody to. No know. He wanted one of the fat guys to explode on the. Hey. Looks like El Gordo. Looks like El Gordo hit the cliff. Gordo. Sorry. Just hate fat people. He does. There's nothing worse than any. I thought you were supposed to take your electrolytes. What happened? Ow. I just did. Ow. Ah. What do you got? A Charlie Harsh? Charlie Charlie. Charlie Harsh. Oh, God. A Welsh mechanic. You ever get one of those in your tent? I'm not kidding. Once every three months. A cramp in your taint? Particularly if I like snee. If I sneeze sometimes I will get a Charley horse of the taint. And it is exquisite. Can you imagine telling your doctor that I need to. Something's happening. Is this during? It's not during. I assumed it was during lovemaking. No. It's not when it's happening. No. Huh. I'll never forget the first. I was working at a movie theater. The first time it ever happened. I sneezed just as I was about to urinate and my tank didn't know what to do. It was confused. I'm sorry. I hope there's a difference. I fell to my knees. It was bad. So I'm sorry. So I. I missed a part of this. So you. You're. You. You're. You get a cramp between your. Yeah. The. The dirt button and the genitalia perineum. Am I really alone in this? How do you know you're not alone? So you. This was. This was during a lovemaking session? No. Did you drop the fl. Okay. He twisted the facts. What's the guy saying? By Blazing Saddles. You're on your own, Pat. It's happened to you. Yeah, that and the calves, the hamstrings. Well, the ca. Sure. This is. This is during intimate sessions, Pat. No, not for me. Oh, sorry. Oh, I've gotten a cramp. During intimate. I mean, of the calves or something. Yeah, I've had the calves. What do you do? You call timeout? No, no, no, no. I tell you what. You keep your mouth shut, okay? You keep going. You don't need a. Oh, you know, I need to take five in the dugout, let the spasm work. I've had a few like Jordan flu games where you're hurting, but you got to just keep pumping. Oh, you're a better man than I. If I get a cramp, I go s. Wait, wait, wait. I'll stop it. I'm kidding. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Rain delay, but I know I'm able to get right back into it. You can't stop package. You're afraid you won't get it again. You got to keep going. Oh, okay. I need a break, baby. This pizza's getting cold, baby. Tom, look how funny he thinks it is. No. You see anybody else laughing in here? Look, look, look, look, look. Hey, babe, Babe, can we take a break? I don't see the steam on the chili anymore. That means funnier food. It's. It's coagulating. Honey, honey, we got to stop. Yeah, chili in bed is funnier. Willie, there's a skin on the chowder. I got to stir it on the block. Not gonna last. Well, all right. You mind if I check on the souffle? The hot plate? The hot plate is touching your satin sheets. We gotta be careful here. I don't want anything to happen to whatever's in the hot plate. Last time I was here, I blew the breaker. These hot plates take a lot of power. You know, I've. Is it okay if I plug in 14 hot plates? No. You don't have any sort of kitchen area? No, it's all in the bedroom. If I got you. If I got you one of those bed stand refrigerators, would you put it in? You mean a dorm fridge, though? They have one that looks like a bed stand. You mean an end table? So it looks like. What did I say? Like a hotel Nightstand. Sorry. Excuse me? It looks like a nightstand. So it looks like it has two drawers, but you open it up, it's a mini fridge. Who is that for? For me. I want it so bad so I can Drink Gatorade a minute. Night. Nightstand. Refrigerator. That's hilarious. I would love that. Find it. Be great. Yeah, Gatorade in there. Gatorade. Shower, beer. Easy access. Where were we? I lost my place. Where were we again? What was this? What was the story we diverted from? You guys ever jumped off a cliff, stupid? Yeah. Oh, God, no. Real exhilarating. I would have liked to a couple times, that's for sure. Once. You got to be careful. A Welsh mechanic. Somebody look up what mechanic is in Welsh? It's like lail goat. Yeah, it's like a clock harger or something. Clock harger. Are you familiar with the Welsh language? Not at all. Oh, except for when Tom Jones had his TV show. He'd always end it with like something like he would like or something. He would. He'd say, I'm Tom Jones and do Lenny Fotz Galano. And it would mean throw your panties on stage. One fart or something. Bedroom one. Your little wet fart. Wasn't he the king of having panties thrown at him? Hotel keys and all that stuff still is. Oh, it's still the kind of the fun. Panties are full now, like, because they're adult diapers. But Tom, I didn't. Folks, please. I'm trying to sing. I finally found the mini fridge. End table. 500 bucks. Bucks. Oh, there you go. What gay fraternity do you have to be in to need that? I want it to look nice. It's really cool. Yeah, it's pretty cool. I. I want it. Yeah, I really want it. You said. Who is this for? It's for me. It's right up my alley. They were doing. Their demographic is fat morons. And they found them. They landed right on. The Welsh word for mechanic is gwydar G W E I A D U R. And at the end of his show, the crazy went off. When I saw that fridge, Tom Jones would say, gwynike bid. Well, this is rough. I can't. This is like reading James Joyce's Finnegan's Wake. It's just syllable after syllable of nonsense. You loved dropping that. He loved. Drop Joy. Drop that book at a bookstore. I was gonna decide I'm buy this piece of Gwen Ike bid lad bobam, sir. He would just say that at the end of his show. Did that show last couple years. Yeah. It means. It means in Welsh. May you always. Sorry. May you always be well and be happy. Can we find that Wilson Pickett singing with Tom Jones on the. Tom Jones. So I thought I saw that over the weekend. It's amazing. You don't realize how much Tom Jones sounded like Wilson Picket. It's crazy cool. And Wilson was very good. Yes. And I thought Tom Jones was good. Hey, here's Wilson Picket and Tom Jones. Hey, little girl with your red. Is that Wilson or Todd? That was Wilson Fig. Oh, my God. Wilson Pickett. Awesome. And that other guy, the wicked picket. Wicked, wicked Wilson Pickett. You like him? Get Wilson paid. Yeah. Would you like me? See? Here's what you're doing. Stand up and dance. We're having fun. Yes. No. We're having fun. We're having silence. That sports. We're having silence. Fun. Fun time. There was no. Christy, you better do something, and you better not be silent. A rare hoodwinker sunfish washed ashore in Oregon Seaside Aquarium said the massive 7.3 foot fish first appeared on a beach in Gearhart last week and was still on the beach several days later. The aquarium said it's likely to remain there for some weeks as it's difficult for scavengers to puncture its tough skin. Looks like a gigantic stingray. Thought to only live in the Southern hemisphere, the hoodwinker sunfish fish has drawn crowds of onlookers intrigued by the rare sight. It sounds like a sex move. They're called that because right before they eat you, they wink at you. There it is. Look at that thing. This big blob of a fish. What does that smell like, you think? Nice photograph. I'm glad they got. They got the Ford F150 in there, right? Yeah. Thank you. You'd be complaining if there were nothing there. Random photograph. Good picture taken there. The guy I. The picture. The picture I had, there was a guy standing next to it. In any event, the hoodwinker sunfish sounds filthy. A woman in the state of Maine enjoying a walk on a popular beach, didn't see a sunfish, but learned quickly that quicksand doesn't just happen in the movies. Ms. Jamie Accord was walking at the water's edge at Popham Beach State park, down by the water's edge, when she suddenly sank to her hips in the sand and could not get out. She recalled. I couldn't feel the bottom. I couldn't find my footing. Her husband was able to pull. Seemed interested in something on the way. In just a couple of minutes, chick loses it. If you haven't heard it before, you gotta hear it now. This is the Bob and Tom. We're back with more of the Bob and Tom show on a Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. One of our Faves around here. Anyway, Chick loses it. Let's check it out. There's Pat Godwin in the performance room. Hey, Chick. Did you get some sun? Pat? Yeah, yeah. Tom, did you just have a cramp or did you hit your knee on the pipe? Why is that? Because you screamed silently. Oh, no, I had a volume issue and my head. Oh, okay. Little loud. There's Willie Griswold. Hey, good morning, man. There's Josh Arnold. Hello. There's Ace Cosby. I'm Chick McGee. Hello, Tom. Hello. How's everybody doing? Hello. One, two, three. Tuning in. Tokyo. Hello. Okay. You ever try that? This is North America. No, I'm just. I'm just gonna go ahead and. I don't. I don't play. No gags. I'm not gonna play. No. If we're doing that, I'm. It's a serious business. There's no joking around. No, no. Dial it in. Really? That's right. I'm not messing around. Not me. No giggling in the bedroom. No. No laughing, of course. But I'm not gonna. Twisting nipples. That's ridiculous. I love that stuff. I'm. I'm a real goofball in there. I bet you are. And you know all the voices. You. That's why we're not together. No, buddy, I'm having fun in there. You know all the voices we can't do in here. All the fun ones. I'm doing them in the bedroom, baby. That's why. It's okay. I understand. Got a lot of guys in there. What, do we have a list of voices we can't do? I forget. I don't know. Hey, you could do Irish. You could do English. Let's talk about something else. Okay, I don't get that. How about this guy? You know this guy? I need to go home. Oh, that's good. Nicole. Joking. I need to go home. And where is he now? He's in Slovenia. Yeah, he's home. Yeah, he's home. So. Lucky guy playing with his horses. I tell you, that's where Luca wants to be, I'll tell you that. When's the next game? Wednesday night, 8:30. Boston up two games. Tonight was end. And Dallas. Yes, of course. Okay, very good, very good. They're traveling. Coming up in sports, what do you got over there? NHL playoffs. Panthers take a 22 game to non lead. They whip the Edmonton Oilers. A lot of oil in Edmonton. Does anybody. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Really? The oil center of. Yeah, no, they really are. Yeah. Really? Okay. There's some decent. You know, I Am embarrassed how much I. I do not know anything. Hardly anything. I know Paul Schaefer, but it's a fair question. It's like guessing is. There's. Is Utah the home of Jazz? I understand now why people say, like, if you go visit someone in like New York or Los Angeles or Chicago, where are you from? And they say. And you say, well, I'm from Ohio. And they go, oh, my wife was from Iowa. It's the same thing. I just. I. It's. Canada is just one big bl. I. I don't know. I know where Windsor is. And the home of the Windsor Ballet, which is the strip club. Why are you doing this to me? Yeah, shut up. I'm helping you. Trying to give your. Your story something of a spine so that we can understand what's happening. Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks, Tom. No, you're safe. Thanks, everybody. I don't know what happened. Well, you were acting like a puppet master and putting words in his mouth every. Oh, would that upset him? Yeah, I think it probably because this gets. This, this gets to my fundamental beef about naming teams. Why are they called. Why are they called the Los Angeles Lakers? Because they were the Minneapolis Lakers and they didn't change the name. Grow up. Read a book. Did you? Were you assuming that the Edmonton Oilers used to be in Houston? It's a fair question, Chick. We don't know. I'm sorry, I missed your question. You're asking why they were called the Edmonton Oilers. Was there oil there? American students are woefully under taught about Canada. Yeah, we should know a little bit more about it. Certainly are. It should be one big country. Why can't we annex Canada to make it. It's real close. I hear northern. It's real close, yeah. Northern America. Yeah. You hear all about Mexico almost daily. Nothing about Canada. You know the weird thing about Canada? Michigan touches Canada. Also Wisconsin, also Washington and Maine, I guess. Figure it out. Let's get one state, one border. But as far as far as I know, that's it. No other states touch Canada. So all you're saying is that's where building. I'm not saying anything to you. I'm not speaking to you. You're saying we're building a wall. Shut your mouth. Talk to Josh. Get off my ass. Not today. Get off his ass. Not today. Take your pick. If he lose, chick. 601. Oh, fake anger. Oh, no. Oh, no. Coming up. Coming up. This is real? As the heart attack I'm planning. And then you did what to who and what was his name? Uhhuh. Was he left handed? Yes. I'm just trying to give your story some spine. Can I have your little car? Why don't you shut up? Shut up. You still have payments on that or can I just take it out? Right. That's a valid question. Do I have to take over the payments on the little one? No. You can't get me back. You can't get me back. It's over. I don't want you back. I want your car. It's over. You can't get. Why would I give you my car if I hate you? Why? I think a lot of people who've gotten divorced that have given. Given away some really nice cars. Oh, God. I got the papers after. After I bent over backwards to put you on the post. Oh, no. Oh my God. Let me tell you something. This is a radio show. Every now and then we're on YouTube or all the time we're on YouTube. I don't know how it works. Something's about zeros and ones. I don't know. Sure, you. If you spent 1/10 of the time. This is serious. If you spent one tenth of the time you do making posters, we would be on whatever. Everybody would have to listen to us. It would be a government mandate. That's. That's the kind of North Korea we have to put up with because of your stupid effing posters. I can have it redone without you. He's very. I. I would. I would love to see that. I can get that done. That's one clip. I bet you can't without hearing the history of the trumpet. I bet you can't do that. But you go ahead. Our director plays the trumpet. It's a very nice poster that. And you'll be able to see it if you're joining us in Iowa coming up. Yes, it's a post. Osceola, Iowa. Oh, we're gonna. You're gonna do the radio show or anything? You're gonna have fun. You're gonna laugh? Well, yeah, but there's a poster. He slaves over them. There's a poster. There's a poster for our fans too. I'll stand over Chick's shoulder. What do you say? Chic playing card. Can we make him any smaller? I don't know. Wow. I got this poster. We'll move an actual poster. Oh, there it is behind it. Okay. The larger ones are being printed today. Sure they are. Sure they are. Unborn panda pelts. Is that what you're making them out of? Right. What is Wrong with you? I'm doing just fine. Yeah. Stand out. Don't look at me. You're not in the poster, Chris, do you. Because you're not going to be there. You can't be there, sadly. Where are we going to be? We're going to be at Osceola, Iowa, coming up Friday morning. Warning. Don't forget your poster. Oh, now Tom's gonna get really mad. That's never happened before in my life. I have time to. I really get. I do have time to remove chick from the poster. Well, go. Do, please, please sit there and sign them for the next two hours. Oh. Oh, yeah. There's probably gonna be 10, 000 posters at the last minute because, you know, we had to have a trump hold up. I don't know. I don't know. You know, you can do that at instant print for like, 10 bucks. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's not his fault. He can't know. He doesn't know how to choose friends. It's not his fault. That's right. You're right. Okay, good. Coming up, we have testicles in the news. We have a. A pot maybe exiting a major player. And we have a couple really cool world records. I'm very excited about these. And Christy, we have a very. We're coming back next hour with Greg Warren. And new shoes on the way. But next, Real Love, sex dolls, robots. What else could you ask for? This is the Bob and Tom. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show on a Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. In this segment, we discuss Real Love, the keyboards at the beginning of Real Love. Also some sex dolls and some robots. Just in case you're interested, Willie Griswold's here. Hey, man. Good morning. There's Jess Hooker. Hello. There's Josh Arnold. There's Ace Cosby classic I Laugh. I was doing a mouth laugh and that ruled. That was awesome. Here's Tom. Thank you very much. We. I have a number of important events up forthcoming. He can't stand this bodily function. Tom trying to imitate Josh's witty little machine. Dear mom and Tom. Tom setting the record straight on Real Love by the Doobie Brothers. I don't think this guy's right, but I'm going to open it up to the room. Okay. He says this part is not Michael McDonald. It's Cornelius Bumpus. I say Cornelius played saxophone. No, no, he's right. I think he's right. Is he. Did the Cornelius play Organ on this, probably. So Cornelius. He's the one who put the shoes on his hand. Corus said it was tremendous musician. Sadly, he's gone. I'm trying to assist the seriously misguided Josh. Direct his anger appropriately to Mr. Bumpus. Okay. Yes, I will. Michael McDonald. Cornelius played a bunch of Bumpuses. And he also sang on that terrific duet he did. Yeah. I didn't even know the saxophone. That's all I. What's the one he sings? I'll remember in a minute. Sometimes we play music so good on the show, I just go, why are we even talking? Yeah, many people feel that way. It's not an uncommon. Interesting book. I'm almost done with it. Speaking of people, I have a letter from a person. Taylor. Taylor says, talking about filling up sex dolls this morning, I was wonder. I was wondering if I wanted to fill mine up with water. Could I get that done at Willy's Waterbed Emporium, or is it strictly Waterbeds? Taylor, send me an address. I'll fight you in the streets, my friend. I'll bring the water now. You should explain to Jess. Yeah, I was gonna say, I don't know if you heard it. Willie's Waterbed Warehouse. Willie wanted to know. He wasn't familiar with the way Waterbeds worked. I was familiar enough. You were giving me very misleading statements. Willie thought that they put the water in at the store. Oh, honey, I didn't think they did. But someone said that they would take it home for you. I figured it was just a bladder. So you just take it home yourself. And they said no. They take it home and I go, why would they need to do that? Did they fill it up? Is that why it was that heavy? I just asked a question. I didn't say. I know. I think that they did fill up. Up at the store. Sometimes you don't realize a simple question becomes who you are. Isn't it. Isn't it a bummer? It really is. Yeah. Okay. For instance, Josh, a long time ago, had a question about pizza and pornography. Yeah. Yeah, That's. That was who I am. No. Al Jackson mentioned. He does not. He doesn't like food in bed either. And I'm. I'm in the same. But, Josh, you like to have a. Maybe a breakfast in bed. No. No. This is you wanting me to like. Like that. This is not okay. I do. I truly enjoy it and I say it and you just gloss over it. To call him a fat masturbator every time. Chick, you like food in bed. I don't know if I don't seek it out, but I won't say no. I, I. It's okay. I love room service. Absolutely. If I have a double queen hotel room, I have one sleeping bed. And I have a pizza bed. That's right. There you go. You don't worry about spilling the sauce or pizza bed. Nothing I enjoy more than, than finishing a can of soda or whatever and throwing it across the room in a hotel. I don't know why I but I love doing. Have you ever done this? You see it in movies? Sometimes, yeah. Go ahead. A romantic scene in front of a fireplace. They're having flutes of champagne and then they just throw the flute in the fire. Oh yeah. And then the woman gets a shard of glass that's boiling hot on her eye. Screams, goes blind on the way to the er. I always wanted to see a movie where. Hey, that was a wedding gift for my great aunt who's dead. You drunk? I was in college and I was hooking up with a girl and I thought it'd be sexy to rip her shirt off. She like a wife beater. No, no. You ripped your own shirt off. It was this girl from LA and it was like a hundred dollar wife. She screamed at me and she goes, that's an A.P.C. you, you weirdo. Get out of here. She screamed at me, ruined the whole thing. Oh my gosh, I'm still in love with her. I look at her Instagram all the time. Look at it every day. It'll work out. I'm very sorry. She' come around, hire a shirt and send it to her. Yes, I do. I do. Covered in your seed. That's what true love is. You don't tell her until after she's had it for a week. Yes, and be sure to take a Sharpie and circle it and write seed. No, no, no. You send it to her covered in your seat. Remember when women could. Women could take a compliment like receiving fluids from you in the mail. In the mail. Yes. Or maybe their pet cat dead, packaged up in the mail. Yeah, that's. He must really love me. Is there any higher compliment? I don't think so. Well, you look at that. He he. My name in written in gasoline in my lawn and lit on fire. That is love. He loves me so much. I'm sorry. So where were we? What was our last story we got? Speaking of love, a Chinese company is ready to unveil a new generation of AI powered sex robots. It's a Chinese company. Keep your mouth shut. According to the South China Morning Post sex doll producer Starberry technology is good. I mean who planning to enhance its products with artificial intelligence Workhorse. The CEO of this Chinese company has the name Evan Lee. That sounds very American. Said the next adverb. Yeah, yeah, he's your cousin. Said the next gen sex dolls are equipped with sensors and can react with both movements and speech significantly enhancing user experience by focusing on emotional connection rather than just basic conversational abilities. I was reading about these. You still have to stick them in an oven to get them up to 98.6 dolls. Typically you don't want them room temperature. Josh. Around 50. It's creepy. Can they get rid of the smell? What did you say they smell like, Josh? The blow up ones have to smell like a new raft. Yeah, they do. That's a little bit different than these fifteen hundred dollar these. It's gonna get. It's gonna get crazy. Yeah. I can never try it. It's the same reason I can't try cocaine or the McGriddle. I know. I love them. I love them and it's all I want to do. Have you seen a picture of this? Do cocaine and have sex with a robot. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be my life. You're right. Every day of my life I drive past a McDonald's. The way that I have restraint to not get a McGriddle. Every day of my life. I should get an award for that. They're so good. So these are these, these realistic. 1500 isn't bad. Weren't the other ones like 6000? I think those are the custom. Oh, like the real doll dolls like Lars had. Is that Lars real? Yeah, the real dolls are. I thought we did this one morning on the air. They're like 56000. I. I can't wait till they make these more like transformers. Oh, you know she's my girlfriend and my moped. Yes. I can ride her two different ways. I thought you were going to say mother my brain. Another group of scientists working to develop fully edible robots. Finally, research. Eat me, I'm a robot. Researchers from the Robo food project analyzed which edible ingredients can be used. How do you name something a Robo Food project and not giggle? Exactly. To make edible robot parts and whole robots. I mean these are truly mad. Scientists say robots robotic food could reduce electronic waste, help deliver nutrition and medicines to people and animals in need, monitor health and even pave the way to novel gastronomical experiences. It's gastronomical. Exactly. That's the guy who's working There. Yes. And then what we're going to do. After integrating all components, scientists need to miniaturize them. Increase the shelf life of robotic food and give robots a pleasant taste. Taste. Hey, honey, can you. Other than them tasting like crap, can you check the expiration date on the radio? I'm a little hungry. I'm gonna see if I can. Man. Tastes like a battery. What would the. Was it the HAL 9000? Yeah, yeah, I saw what you were saying, Dave. Eat me. Dave, Is this. Are they gonna make this. The robots out of the stuff? Edible panties or maybe made of. It's like fruit roll up. Lots of fruit. Yeah, that's totally different. At one point, HAL tells Dave, I know what you think you're doing. There's like a long shot of HAL watching two guys talk and knowing what they're saying. Right? Right. And this is coming Tom. And we're. Well, we won't be here, but Willie's in for a big problem. I'm gonna go nuts, dude. Enjoy. Enjoy the robot wars. I'll be leading them. I'm fighting for the rest. Robots. Can they make one that'll clean your house? What is that like a Rosie the maid? I thought you. I thought you liked cleaning your house. Yeah, I know. I'm just saying doing laundry and that's. That would be. I think that wouldn't. You think? If you were going to invent a robot, what would be more likely to sell one that would do all the cleaning up for you or one that would be your sex puppet? Sex cleaning. You think? Oh, I. I see what you're. Okay. I don't know, man. Just saying if you can get one that really does work. Work. Is this. Are we still eating it? In this case, no. No, no, no. I gotta hurry up and bang this robot. She just cleaned my house. And, boy, am I hungry. Oh, yeah. Gotta do all that. It's all happening. Who's financing this? All right, let me ask the million dollar question. Sure. Let's say you have a robot. Yeah. You're married. You're happily married. You're having sex with the robot. Robot. Are you cheating? I think at some point they're going to get so realistic it will kind of be like cheating. So it's not like masturbation. You're actually cheating with. This will be. Even though the robot's not a person. If you don't tell her, I will. I can't do this any longer. I think you know what you did. I'm not spending another Christmas alone. Oh, my God. These are Fights that will occur. Yeah, absolutely. Well, if they are talking and they're. That's what they're doing. They're putting AI into the robot as intellectually I want to say. Of course, it's not cheating, it's masturbation. But I don't know. Listen, kids, I'm not here to replace your mother. I love you, though. You'll never hear me say anything bad about your mother. She's the sex doll that's so hot. You'll have to sign a pretty. No, Rosie. Good God, Willie, this is all gonna happen. You need to go to have your daddy by a desert island. Yeah, and I know I said daddy. Willie, do you have a number one celebrity crush right now? Helen Mirren's always top of the list, so a very. A very realistic Helen Mirren sex doll. Do you think you'd give it a shot if it's Helen Mirren and National Treasure 2? Oh, my goodness. All right. You're doing. Get me out of town. Well, Willie, I. I hope you have a chance. Really think about it. And you want to open up that book of secrets, Give me a robot vape, baby. I've been asking this for years. Are they. Are you going to have like the estate of Marilyn Monroe at some point? License a Marilyn Monroe. Monroe sex doll. That's bravo, Willie. And yes, I think so. Yeah, it'll be. Oh, you don't need the whole body, just the butt. No, he said Marilyn Monroe. Bond. Oh, I'm sorry. Although. Although there'd be. There'd be a market good for maybe 50% off. I'll take just the most of the butt. I'll never forget walking into a porn star and you could buy. There were like four boxes on a shelf. You could buy Jenna Jameson's head just ahead. It was so creepy. I felt like a real creep walking out with one. We are coming back in just a couple of minutes here with a Warren Report. Comedian Greg Warren will tell us all about Alexander Graham Bell. It's next here on the Bob and Tom Show. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios again. The guys are back in here live in studio on Monday morning. Right now, Greg Warren, comedian Greg Warren with the Warren Report. This time, everything you need to know about Alexander Graham Bell. Great time over the weekend. Hello to everybody who came out to see. Oh, yeah, huge turnout in Osceola, Iowa. Beautiful country. Had a great evening. And Pat, you were a spectac. Spectacular is the word I'm looking for. Easy, easy. Big Time. All you guys were great. Willie G. Willie G. And. And Jeff, Oscar and Josh. Did anyone else swallow a bug? Just Tom or. I. I performed in them, but I didn't swallow. Yeah, yeah. I think you were the only. They were swarming up, up there. I. I indeed swallowed one as I ran up there. Josh and I had a comedy bit worked up where he was complaining about the first thing he did when he got up on stage was he's. You were complaining that you didn't have a stool. A stool? Yeah, so I. I did the old Jerry Lewis bit. When he does. Why, when he did stand up from off stage, you see a stool being thrown off. I did that too. Did you saw a woman in half? I did not saw a woman in half. I was visited by sheriff's deputies. Okay. They were standing right there. They were standing right there saying, you can't. You're not sawing a woman. Oh, I'm sorry. They were armed. Right now, there we go. We're trying to hook up with comedian Greg Warren. And we have made the hookup. There he is. Hey, Greg. How are you? Hey, guys. How you doing? Great. I. Chick. I'm star. Sorry I missed that stool bit, man. That. Oh, it's hilarious, you know. You know, sounds awesome. You know the one I'm talking, talking about? It's fantastic. Yeah, I would have loved it. Yep. Greg, this is your segment known as the Warren Report. You seem to be a little bit slow. Oh, yeah, maybe I am. Or maybe it's the connection. I don't know. It could be either. But today's topic is Alexander Graham Bell. Oh, okay. Now I understand that he was. Was. That was the Bell Telephone Company, of course. Is Alex. Alexander Graham Bell. You're right, Chick. You are right about that. Is that the only reason it would ring? Is that why they used a bell? Yeah, if it would have been Alexander Horn. That's really. That's. That's really interesting. I. I spent a lot of time with this subject and it never occurred to me. That's. That's. The phone rings. Yeah, that's. That's brilliant stuff, guys. You're welcome. Yeah. You were there at the creation. Alexander. He was born Alexander Bell. He did not have a middle name until his 11th year. For his birthday, they gave him a middle name that was his birthday present. If I was 11 and I had any input into my middle name, I would have been Greg Eatson Warren or Greg Ozzy Smith Warren or Greg Aquaman Warren, I think. But yeah, Alexander Graham Bell. His. His mother was deaf. She. She could only hear through an ear trumpet. And honestly, those were, like, legit things. So crazy. Yeah. Just so you guys are clear, and an ear trumpet is. It's not an instrument you. That you play out of your ear. Just so you guys. It's. Yeah. It's not like. It's like a megaphone, but reverse. Yes, yes. And Christie's right. This is why. But it's shaped exactly like it. But this is why you cup your hand, like Christy was saying. And that. That. Because that helps you. Sure does. It's got to be awkward carrying her big one around all the time. It's like you're a cheerleader in the 20s. Yes. If you were particularly hard of hearing, you carried around an ear tuba. His dad was a genius at helping the deaf. He devised a lot of systems to help the deaf. And Alexander Graham Bell, when he was a young man, opened a school to teach a deaf people. Certain. But he got into inventing stuff. He was actually good at inventing stuff as a kid. He invented a piece of farm equipment when he was 12. Wow. And, yeah, don't call it a farm equipment. It was a hoe. Okay. No, it was much more advanced than that chick. It was something to do with wheat. It better be a thresher or something like that. It was some kind of a thresher chick. It was. And he was not a good student, which I. I think must have been interesting. He like, son, you got a D in math. Well, I doubled your wheat production this year. How's that for math? Of course. He invented the telephone, apparently on. On February 14, 1876, was the day that he went to the patent office and this guy, Alicia Gray, filed a patent, a similar patent, like, two hours after him. And in a month later, on March 10, he called his partner, Thomas Watson. Tom, do you know what he said? Come here, Watson, I need you. Or something. Something. Yes. Yeah. He said, Mr. Watson, come here. I need you. I thought it was Mayor Watson, I want you. No, I need you, Chick. That's. I thought it was I want you to want me. But that was. That was. That was Rick Nielsen. That was in Rockford, Illinois. Yeah. He said, Mr. Watson, come here. I need you. At which point, I'm pretty sure Mr. Watson said, okay, yeah, that's not. We don't have that one recorded, though, right? No, we don't have that one. That was the. That was the Edison thing where he got. Where he record. They recorded the thing. I already had a little alarm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's another Famous. Oh, I don't know if Greg's heard this. Have you. Do you have that available? Yeah. Well, I think I can dig that up with Greg. You continue with. This is it. Here we go. This is. This is the first recording of Ed Edison. Greg, listen carefully, because the one they play at the Smithsonian is not the real one. Here we go. It's amazing. You guys have this. I spoke in the original color. Mary had a type of. And everywhere that Mary went, I would get a visa. No, no, no. Did you hear that? Okay. Hey, Thomas, you gotta go with what we wrote, man. Stick to the script. That is not gonna play in Peoria. He. He was very proud of his ability to live, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Filthy, man. You stick to the script, Tom. Okay. Sorry. No, no. He. He offered to sell the invention to Western Union for $100,000. The Western Union president laughed at him and said it was a toy. Later, the Western Union president said if he could get it for 25 million, it would be a bar bargain. Wow. I always feel bad for these guys that, like, didn't buy the thing that they were supposed to buy, and it became a giant invention. You know, they're probably like, well, you know what? I also. I also turned down a stock we were supposed to acquire, Falstaff Beer. And I said that was a bad idea. And it was. So. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes. Yeah, we don't hear about the ones where they passed, thankfully. And that punk Bill Gates. This is gonna fly lie. Yeah. He invented all kinds of stuff. I thought this was interesting. You know, James Garfield, the president was shot in the back. They. They. They brought Bell up there because they were trying to find where the bullet was. And he had devised, basically, the first metal detector. Wow. It was thrown off by the bed springs. And the Dr. Detector had the wrong side of Garfield. He basically said the. The bullet was on the right side and was actually on the left side. So they were not able to save Garfield. But he did develop the first sort of metal detector. I wonder how long after Garfield died were they like, guys want to go out on the beach and find some dimes? I mean, finding a dime back then. Yeah, that was a week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He. Man, this guy invented all kinds of stuff. It was not just the phone, man. He. He would experiment with. Experimented with genetics. He helped out Helen Keller. He found a device to find icebergs. He built the. The world's fastest speedboat at the time, a hydrofoil. You guys ever seen pictures of Alexander Graham Bell? No. Well, he was an Old gray haired guy, wasn't he? Beard, right? Yeah. He doesn't look much like a boat guy, does he? No, he does not. A speedboat guy. Christy. I agree. No. Yeah, man. I'm meeting Alex down at mile marker nine and we're picking up these broads and we're gonna go to Party Cove. Hey, we're gonna gig, brother. Yeah. Upon his death, every phone in the United States was and. And indeed North America was silenced for a short period to honor Alexander Graham Bell. Oh, that's annoying. That's a lot of juice right there. You know. You know those. Somebody's like, grace, Grace, the phone's down. Call the phone company. No, no, sir, it's actually. Alexander Graham Bell died. They're just doing. Oh, oh, is that what they're doing? That's a. That's a hell of a way to honor the guy, huh? Just screw everybody that bought his invention. That's the best way to do it. Yeah. You know what? You know, when Franklin kicked off, they didn't shut down the grid. When Ford died, I didn't slam on my brakes. I'll tell you this, Grace Bell's not dead. This is just another excuse from the phone company. You keep calling them. He said that he lived. He was born in Scotland and moved to Canada and then spent a lot of time in the US but at one point he moved back to Canada and he was walking down Main street and he. He looked into the newspaper office and the editor was messing with the phone. The phone wasn't working. Bell just walks in, unscrews the phone. There's a fly in there. He blows it out, screws it back, and hands to the guy and it works. The guy's like, how did you know how to do that? He goes, because I am the inventor of that piece of equipment, which is the most baller move I've ever heard of. Yeah, yeah, he. He had some pretty cool quotes. He said, when one door closes, another door opens. But so often, often we look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us. Hello, fatty. I'm glad they turned it down to just those first words. Yeah, I like this one. Great discoveries and improvements invariably involve the cooperation of many minds. I have this posted on my wall. And every time Tom interrupts me during these reports, I remind myself that it takes a team, you know? I'm not going to interrupt you, if that's what you're thinking. I'm looking at pictures of speedboats. I know you Are. I know you are. You're not listening to anything. Well, I think, Greg, the first thing you need to realize is that if you realize Tom isn't listening to you, the last thing you want to do is ask. Ask him. What are you doing right now? Why aren't you listening? Because he will say, stop looking at me live on the air. So be careful, Greg. Be okay. Very, very careful. You're welcome. I appreciate the tip. Yeah, yeah. He married. He married one of his deaf students, actually. Mabel. Oh, Carling Black Label. Mabel, right. Oh, Mabel. Black Label. Hey, Mabel. Black Label. Okay. I'm not so sure that was her, but Mabel's. Mabel's old man didn't think that Alexander Graham Bell's profession was profitable enough to. To marry his. His wife. So he couldn't marry until he actually founded the Bell Telephone Company and he gave her all but 10 of his 1500 shares in the company. Yikes. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Also, Mabel, he went by Alec. A, L, E, C. And she insisted that he change his name to Alec. A, L, E, C, K. So Mabel sounds like a psychopath to me. She is not a looker either, let me just tell you. Oh, really? Look. Yeah. So. So. Oh, handsome woman. I don't understand. So was it her father that didn't approve of him or her? Was she already married? You said husband. No, no, her father. I'm sorry. Did I say husband? Her father. I'm sorry. Her father did not approve. Her father was the first president of National Geographic. Yeah, and old Alex fixed that. National Geographic was dying. The. The organization, he said it was. It was a magazine that everybody had in their library and nobody read. And he changed the magazine to what it is today day. Any pictures of African boobs? Yes, that helps. How about more tribe boobs? All right, great. Day of fifth grade, discovering that there was boobs in the corner library. Guys, I. I got to visit NASA this past weekend. Is that right? Cool. Yeah. Down in. In Huntsville, Alabama. How was that? It was pretty awesome. This guy Parker, he's a longtime Bob and Tom listener. He's an engineer at NASA. He was at my show. Show, and he was like, after the show, he's like, yeah, you want to go see? And we, I, I got to do all the, like, the behind the scenes stuff. It was pretty awesome. Whoa. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. And. And as cool as NASA was, Parker was a more interesting character. Oh, yeah. I asked him, I go, how did you get the job at NASA? And he said, well, they called him in for an interview. And they said, how did you prepare for this interview? He goes, well, I know my stuff. So I put on Queen and listened to it for two hours to get ready. That is interesting. Yeah. Did he show you the moon landing set, Josh? I mean, you said you got to see some of the secret stuff. You know the FBI's down there. Yeah, My brother in law was there in Huntsville. Yeah, that's the headquarters of the FBI. We got to drive by it. Yeah. That was. Mouth shut. Yeah, man, you're not wearing a NASA cap. You've got. What's P. PNL oh, this is a wrestling league. A premier wrestling league. That is for like elite high school wrestlers. Yeah, my buddy. My buddy's got a team on. Yeah. Cool. Okay. I would have a NASA. Did you get a NASA hat? Yeah, I got one. Oh, cool. It doesn't fit me that well, though. Now, when you went by the FBI, when you said the FBI's down there, do you mean the female body inspectors? No, Josh, that's just a shirt. We're kind of on all beaches. Really? Well, then it must be. I know they are. FBI means finks, boobs and idiots. Oh, that's right again, guys. That's just a shirt that they have and they sell it. They sell it. There's. There's no Female Body inspector organization. Yeah. Next you're gonna tell me that DEA doesn't stand for drunk every afternoon. I'm on to you, Greg. I see ya. I hate to break it to you, Willie. Yeah. Now, have we concluded our discussion about Mr. Alexander Graham Bell? I. I think. I mean, we could talk about him all day, but I think we hit the high points, Tom. Okay. Did he invent the doorbell? Anything else? Is he still alive? He looked like. I gotta ask you a question, man. Yeah, you know, you got. You got. Aren't you. Aren't you buddies with a bunch of con contractors? Yes, I am. I got. You know, I'm not in my place you yet. And it's all getting held up by this stuff called Gyp Crete. It's like drywall, right? Yes, it is. It's like a sound. It's because I live in a condo. It's like. It's got a sound barrier and like fire properties. Apparently you can't get it anywhere in the country. Gyp Crete. And it's. It's Gypsum Creed. It's not a racial slur, Right? Right? Yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah. They got none of it, man. Can you. You got a lot of juice, man. Can you. Can you Talk to one of your guys. My maid guy's currently in the hospital recovering from a gallbladder removal the other night, but I'll ask him. And said, hey, we're gonna remove that gallbladder today and then two weeks later take it. Gone back to the contractor and said, I'm sorry, it's gonna be another. I'm telling you said that. We're coming right back, so stand by for some new shoes. Coming up in just a second here. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom. It's for the people going through heartbreak right now and you don't know what to do about it. Okay, get sick, turn my stomach, throw up, upchuck, pray to the porcelain God, Barf, belch, bail out, blow chunks, lose lunch, vomit, feed the fish and heave a log. Evacuate all you wait, retrop, regurgitate, drop your cookies, puke and spew, hurl, purge are just a few words that come up when I think about you. That's quality material. That is beautiful. It's a Friday morning. Bob and Tom Show. Best of the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. How about some new shoes? Shoes, A chatty clerk and some ramen on a Friday. Testing, testing, testing, testing. And now I'm gonna hit you hard with some new shoes. I love this. I can't wait. What's this? The song was called I Can't wait. Who does this? The group is New Shoes. Oh, yeah. Nu. That's the first word. Word. S, H, O, O, Z. And right about here. Oh, no. Take me out. This is traffic and weather together. And Tom and I will be at the east side mall this afternoon. They closed it handing out lottery tickets, baby. I can't wait. I don't remember. What era is this? You know, we're. Remember 90s. No, I've never heard. Oh yeah, it's very 90s. Very, very. Oh wait, it's. It's older than that. Jason. 86. No kidding. Wow. I mean, that's one of those songs I heard all throughout the 90s, right? It holds up. Also very funny to have a 30 second intro and then the first words you say are I can't wait. We were all waiting for quite a long time. That's very good point. Wow. I never thought about that. What made you think of that song? Wait a second. Hey, what happened to your. Wait a minute. I thought you said you were going to signal Ace to turn off your mic. I saw him turning so I turned mic. Thank you very much. Yeah, this one came on too quick. Okay, maybe. What was the signal again? Tap your head or. I. I feel like we're breaking into a museum. Jason, what was the signal again? Could you have Eddie, rather than have Eddie Eddie install a. A mic killing dump switch. There you go. Cough switch. Have any mic killing dump thing. Have him get a. Put a light in so Josh could press a button, light it, go on. Then Ace would have to turn it off, adding a step to make it definitely not work. That is absolutely a sneeze light. Eddie's working hard on getting all this taken care of. It'll. It'll be okay. Okay, very good. Very good. Suck it up to Eddie now. Well, he needs to fix my button bar screen because I don't want to get too inside, but it's really. Leave Eddie alone. Hear what she said? And is she sucking up to him now? No. You know how cutie she thinks she is. He's always been a cutie. See? Right, Willie? I would. I would laugh so hard if I got up from the studio, walked down the hallway, turn the corner, there's Christy and Eddie making out. Oh, I. I'd hoot and holler. I would call for you. Yeah, I know a couple of people who wouldn't be laughing. We're all very European here. It would be fine. What if right now, love his wife, too? Right now your husband and Eddie's wife are in bed. Just go. Your husband's looking at going, boy, this is weird. They're talking about that. You got five hours every morning's not laughing. Okay, where were we? Oh, I forgot. Doesn't Eddie have a bunch of kids, too? Yeah. So there's a chance if. If he found out that his wife was sleeping with Christy's husband, he would go, my God, I'm free. This is great. Yes. And I'm. I. I can go kill Tom. Yeah. You know, it's always been easy for our spouses to. Because they know where we are. Sure. Unless you're Clint Eastwood and play Misty for me. Oh, yeah. Remember that, Tom, what he did. Put on the tape. Put on the tape, baby. And what's her face. Suzanne Plechette. Leslie Ann Warren. Who was the lady? Wasn't it Adrian? Barney? Bea. Who was that? Wasn't it Bonnie? Charlotte Ramplin. Charlotte Ramplin. Brenda Fricker. Maureen Stable Bu. Yeah. Wasn't it Ruth? Buzzing. James Stapleton. It's a whole different movie, Buster. Misty. Fooling Me. Carlo. Sorry. I'll look it up. Go ahead. Christy Lee is at the news desk. What have you got, Brenda Vaccaro Was that it? I don't know. I think it was Brenda Vacaro, a waitress at an upscale restaurant in North Carolina. Wait a second. What? Pat, we're talking about the talkative cashier. The loquacious person that checks your stuff out. And that's why the line is loquacious means huge breast. Jessica Walter, the From Arrested Development. Arrested Development. She was bug nuts. Yeah. Okay, so we were talking about this thing in Japan where they've got a slow lane on purpose for people to check out at the grocery store that can take. So they can take their time and chat with the customers. And they're not. They're not going to rush you. Right. And Pat, you've known a chatty cashier. Absolutely. Mine, I'm trying to check out and I got that chatty clerk. Chatty clerk. I just wanna pay for my stuff now and I'm almost late for work. Such a chatty clerk. She says, that's a lot of toilet paper for just one family. Who's the beano for? And these suppositories just ring me up. Oh, such a chatty clerk. You know, they make. They make the analysis. Such a chatty crowd. The chatty co workers. Hope this gets funny. Hold it on the a. The A. Very funny. All she wants to do is talk my ear off. Such a chatty clerk. Want to do is pay for my scratch offs. Such a chatty clerk. Chatty clerk. Peppino's for my dog. The lube is for my date. The ice cream is for me. Yes, I'm aware I'm overweight. She says, aren't you petty G from the Bob and Tom Show? Are you really single? My grandma wants to know. Oh, does Josh eat that much pizza? I love sports with chick. Does Tommy G really have a 2012 inch? Don't say it. Shut up, you chatty clerk. Oh, now I'm the jerk. Chatty clerk. Now shout the jerk. All right, I got one of those questions in Iowa. We were at the Lakeside Casino. I was in the restroom and this guy and I told Tom about this and he was overjoyed that this happened. A guy actually said, josh, do you really masturbate that much? He was very serious while you. Is he holding his J? Yeah. I go, no, I'm just shaking it. Shake it more than twice. You're playing with it, you know that? Okay, thank you very much. Thank you, Pat. That was really nice. Now we have. We have the SILAC news desk right there. And there's someone sitting there. Oh, it's Christy Lee. The seafood known as fugu or poisonous blowfish tends to be pretty expensive in Japan. One reason it's considered a delicacy with pricing to match. The other is that fugu is poisonous and can kill you if it's not prepared correctly. But fugu flavor is on the way in a very accessible and wallet friendly way. Later this month, as the maker of cup noodles, Nissan is releasing a poisonous blowfish instant fugu ramen. Like a fogu? Yeah. Well, you'd have to buy four, right? Four fold. Boo. We did. I'll have four foe. Have fun with that. I'm out. We had a story earlier this year that there is a. That one of the. There is a company that is making fake puffer fish, whatever it's called. You mean foe? Yeah, they're making a fake. They are. Because it's so. It's incredibly dangerous to eat it. Sora News24 reports the company is planning to launch an affordable fugu flavor in Japan. The new salty fugu broth that's pronounced fugu dashiju. A ramen will feature seafood and kelp broth, special fugu seasoning oil, chicken meat, just as delicious as it sounds, green onion and whipped egg, all for about 1.95 a cup. They're glad they didn't go with fugu and the blowfish. I don't think I would have. Yeah, no, no, it's. Josh, more kelp broth, please. Goes on sale too. 24th if you're headed to Japan. All right. Don't worry about the poison. If it's. If it's ramen, the salt will kill you. So. So much sodium in that stuff, right? Yeah, yeah, they're high in sodium. Good. Put it in the packet. Do you like the ramen? Yeah. Don't put it on. Yeah, I like ramen. Yeah, Yeah. I haven't had it in a long time. That's because you make money now. You don't have to eat ramen, but you can get good ramen. Yeah, yeah, right. There are ramen restaurants right around the corner here. Really good. And you need to make good money to eat there. Proud of that? Proud of it, aren't they? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's the place that they're like, you're. They're never actually open. Well, they're actually. They actually are, but it just doesn't look a lot of people. It's the place where they go, no, this didn't used to be a Taco Bell. Whatever you think it's. Oh, that's down from the place that used to be a Dairy Queen is now a Kung Fu place. Exactly. Exactly right. That'd be a good interesting coffee table book. The worst song transition that it was very obvious that it used to be something else. I always love that. Yeah, well, Taco Bell and Dairy Queen I think are the two number one examples. But used to be Ponderosa Steakhouse. Remember those? Those always look the same. And they would go into. I love the old Taco Bell. IHOP used to have those insanely steep a frame sort of roofs. And you could always tell what was that. IHOP or Howard Johnson's I. Ihop, I believe. Remember Howard Johnson? They had the orange roof, right? Orange and blue. Is that right? Yeah. Clam strips on a Friday. Oh God, they're so good. Man. There's nothing better than a juicy clam strip. I love clam strips. What is that? I've never heard of that. Oh, fried, fried, fried clams. Oh, they're so good. They're so. My grandpa introduced me to those at Po folks. Remember Po folks. Sure. Po. Po. Apostrophe folks. Yeah. And you can. Your drinks all came in a mason jar. Awesome. Look at Tom. Look at us like we are, you know, nothing better than a wet clam. Did you have to pronounce it po? Yeah, it was Po. Apostrophe. Folks, where are you on eating at a restaurant and due to the restaurant's menu and the names they have for things instead of just saying a cheeseburger. Oh, right, yeah. I'll have a Brawny lad or I or. Or something like that. One of my favorite. Had one of my favorite appetizers, jalapeno poppers. But they called them armadillo eggs. It's a little embarrassing. Can I have a basket of armadillo eggs? Plenty more. The Bob and Tom show is on the way next hour. Frank Caliendo and Jen Cobur are on the way. But next Tom hunts down some bike thieves. You gotta hear it. It's pretty good. This is the bottom Tom Show. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher and the Bob and Tom Studios. Visualize this in your mind. Tom chasing down and hunting down some bike thieves. Let's get the story. How's is everybody? How's that? How's it going? Hi. Tom. Had an adventure I'll tell you about in a second. Oh, I look forward to it. Oh, I love your adventures on vacation. Oh yeah. Really. It will never though top the time you stayed the hotel. But two things were they were dredging this the beach or something. They had heavy equipment out on the beach. Loggerhead turtles. Yeah. The beach was closed, and your room had tennis balls in the pillows, on the bed. That was. That was many years ago. That was bad. The best. No, this is something else. Okay, okay. Something. Something different. I was at a beautiful beach. Beach at Beach Town on the panhandle of Florida. It's called Beach Town. Highly recommended. It was great. And we rented bicycles. Oh, you did? And you can ride bikes. Willie will tell you. You could ride bikes all over the place. It was terrific. Is this the whole fam Damley? Yeah, man. All right. So first day, we wake up, and the little girl's bikes are both stolen. Oh, no. So I go down to the. Yeah, so I go down to the place, rented the bikes, and I said, hey, look, the bikes were gone. They go, okay, well, you know, be on the lookout for them. All the bikes have kind of a little collar on them. Little like a paper, like when you get a wristband. Right. Look for. If you see a bike without that, it might be one of the stolen bikes. And then they give me. They give me the code numbers. That's on the. That's on the handlebar. The bike. All right. So the next day, I'm having coffee, and I see two young punks come up, and there's a couple of bikes. And I go, these look like the. Like the kind of jackasses that would steal a bike, right? You can spot them, can't you? And I've got. And I've. I've got the code number. Expert profiler. So I. Here we go. I go up, look. I mean, I'm looking at the bikes. One of them code matches. No way. And there's no. There's no collar on the thing. I go, this is. This is. This is one of the bikes I rented. Yeah. So the two kids come out. I go, where'd you get this bike? And. Okay. And then all of a sudden, all right, punk. These two kids hop in the bikes and take off. Oh. So I take off after them. Yeah. Your dad's in pursuit, you guys. The whole week, I'd be like, hey, we're gonna go get a cup of coffee. Do you want one? And. No. I'm about to go to this neighborhood. I'm pretty sure there's a couple of bikes in there. So I'm going to go check this out myself. So. But in. Right out of a movie, you know, I'm chasing these two kids on the bikes. Are you yelling anything, or you just. No, no, they got a good head start. Okay. All right. I've chased the kids in the bikes, and then just like in a movie, I've chased him for about, I don't know, three quarters of a mile. And are you on foot? No, I'm on a bike. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. But there are a lot of people on the sidewalks, and we were all weaving in and out. You knock over a fruit stand. Yeah. This is so weird. This is the exact same plot of Beverly Hills Cop 4. Isn't that interesting? This big truck pulls in front of me, so I lose sight of them, but then. Please tell me you hit a fruit stand. But I keep going, and then it kind of. Then the. The road bends, and I don't see him. So I'm thinking, okay, I bet they went into one of these condo complexes. I turn around. Yeah. First condo complex I come into, I see one of the little punks. Yeah. Looking out like this through the bushes, looking to see if I. If I caught them through the bushes. Wow. Now, when you say little, you mean late teens? I'd say 12. 12. 12, 13. That's okay. They have a little toothbrush haircut where they get a perm in the front. Those kind of kids. So I go back, grab Kelly, get the car. Oh, hey. And. And it's one of those gated places you can't get into. So I call up security, security at the place, and the guy lets me in, and he goes, oh, yeah, yeah. We had two. We had two guys trash the tennis court last night. It's probably those two kids. Oh, these punks. One of the custodians has said there were a couple bikes parked behind the tool shed. We go, and by God, there's the bike. Nice. And another stolen one that. So I loaded him in the car, took them back. You're still missing one of your stolen bikes? Yes, which I had to buy, by the way. Oh, after you did all that work and brought them their bikes back? Yeah, that's. Yeah. Kelly said, wait a minute. We should trade them the one we brought back. Yeah, no kidding. Come on. I bought myself a bicycle. They charged you for the bikes? Yeah, that's Bullogi. They also charge you for the bike lock that the girls didn't use, so. Oh, they didn't lock them up. No, I didn't, and I did. But. And. And the. The. The. The two young punks weren't around, but your girls learned a lesson. They should lock up their bikes. Well, did they? Daddy? Daddy said. Daddy Badass. They didn't learn anything. They learn a damn thing. You know what I learned? I learned that I slept it on vacation. All of this happened before I woke up. Yeah, I just came down, and my dad was like, willie, I got you a coffee. And I caught a criminal. Great morning so far. That's great. Did you catch him and then go. No, they. They were. They. But it was a huge condo thing, so. But yeah, in retrospect, I should have just immediately called the cops. Yeah, they wouldn't have done anything. Yeah, they would have scared the bejesus out of those two kids. I wish, though, Sandra, I just wish that some, like, bike cop with a pencil in his ear, because it's like a little vacation town. There's not a lot of serious crimes going on. Just one guy that loves his job. I wish he would have shown up. We get. We'll get this on the case. Mr. Gris, the Barney Fife beach guy. Yes. I wish he would have been there to help us out. Yeah. But, yeah, they. They. They bikes get stolen constantly down there. They said, you know, Pat, I called them, Sandra, thinking I was making up a term for, like, beach punks. But your laugh reminded me that it sounded way worse than you could have. You could have gone deeper. Something Schwarzkopf would have said. Yeah, well, we know where they're holed up. Oh, ho, ho. Speaking of trailing, I have a technical question. It was we flew out of the Panama City airport on Saturday, and I time I timed it. We were in the TSA line for one hour and 29 minutes. No, you weren't. I was. You were in it for about 45. Because I got in line. You didn't. And then you just got in line with me, which I hated. We did not invite you. He's the dad. No, dads get to do that. Security, skippers. And then everyone in line hates me because I let this fool in with me. Your blood relatives. It's legal, but. So I timed it, though, from when you. You first texted me going, the line is unbelievably long. Come get in this line. Get in the line now. I don't know what you're doing, but get in line. Were you getting your shoes shined? No. You love that. But, yeah, I bet I was wearing tennis shoes. The point is, it literally, it was 1 hour, 29 minutes. And I appreciate the TSA. I know they're working hard. Is there an app. Is there an app that tells you if there isn't there, should you look up an airport? It says how long TSA is? Oh, no kidding. Yeah. Well, no, I know for sure Austin has one. I've never had to check it anywhere else because a lot of people missed the plane. The plane was not full because they, they. You got to think this is going to be a full plane. Well, it wasn't because people were waiting in line for. How many times have we told you TSA PreCheck, it's easy to get. I have it, but I didn't have it for one of my daughters. I don't know if I like this TSA PreCheck, let her go with you. Even if. Because she's a minor. She's young. But the larger point is if, if you're going to have a TSA line that long, they need to warn you because you get a thing from the airline that morning going, hey, blah, blah, blah, you want to buy a drink now? Blah, blah, blah. Why don't they have a thing going? Hey, by the way, typically in a Saturday, the TSA line is an hour and a half long. Yeah, well, we are. You got, you got to get there. Yes, but you're not. You Were you late to the airport, were you? No, you're early. Usually. I literally. I knew you'd object to it. Of course. I, I heard some dawling story over here about where were you? And he was, he was just checking a bag. But I did leave it anonymous because I wanted you to make the shoeshine joke. I knew that was on the table. I just left it in the. I had to check. I did. I travel with a tiny little briefcase of like three pairs of pants. But no, I had to check the girls bags. Ah. But it was literally 1 hour 29 minutes. I've got it. That's rough. And I'm not, I'm not being critical. I'm just saying isn't there? I am. Is there a way to warrant you? Shouldn't the airline coordinate with TSA going, hey, by the way, if you're flying today, typically in a Saturday, the. The line's an hour and a half long. I would think there would have to be. That would be the number one question asked. I would. But is there an app you can go to your check whatever it is. Austin Airport, TSA current. Wait is. They do it at Disney World. They do it at Disney World for the rides. There were a lot of very pissed off people that did not get on that airplane. I mean, I've, I've wanted this for years, but I want it pointing at Taco Bell Drive, so I know which one to go to. On the way home, my TSA app. It'll quickly search items you can bring with you through checkpoints. Check the delay information at your favorite airports. Check how busy the airport is likely to be on a specific day and time. What's it called? It's called my tsa. Okay. It's got a picture of a frowning person on the front. It just tells you, hey, throw it away. Don't bring it. I also got the full. I got the full HJ Search. What do you mean, I got the full pack? Because I've asked for that. Never got over the waistband. Handy. The whole thing. I got the whole thing. I think they do it because they look they like, okay, look, here's an older white dude traveling with little kids. This guy is. There's zero chance he's a terrorist, but this way they could go, hey, look, we're not racial profiling. Look, we. Oh, I see. Yeah. We just searched Jed Clampett over there with the two little kids. Yeah, his two little grandbabies. I get that all the time. I get the pat down all. And Andy got it. My dad explained it to me. He goes, dude, you're a. You're a single guy flying alone with a beard, and you're pro. I. And he doesn't agree. My dad didn't agree, but I'm sure I'm on some list because of the movies I watch and the books I read, the manifestos you send, you know, I hope they are reading this. I make many salient points about the world. Some guy in his sub basement at the FBI, like, this guy's nuts. So this pre trip check thing, this TSA precheck you, essentially. What, so if you have $60, you don't have to be checked for bombs anymore? Yes. That's essentially the crux of it. And you got to meet somebody. First of all, it's $80. You still have to go through. It's. It's just a fast. It's a shorter line. 80 a year. 80 for five. Five years? Yeah, it's good for five years. All right. Then you got one more password to memorize. That's too much of a pain in the ass for me. One more password on your ticket. When you go, you just show it. Yeah. Nevertheless, I'm just wondering. So does that. Does that thing tell you if you log onto that other money, it'll say, hey? The lines is typically an hour and a half long. This is one of those things where you keep asking us the same question and we keep answering, no. She told me it tells you what delays. I was in a security line. Delays or no, it's both. For an hour in the line, he kept going. You know, there should be an app where you can look this up. He's been. He's been on this for days now. We can't get rid of my TSA app. Okay. Yeah. So now you'll go online yourself and you'll announce to the room during the commercial, oh, here's that app I was wanting to know about. I want everybody to know I found it. So here it is. I'm just saying, the HD was pretty good. Well, that's good. Yeah, yeah. When I'm exciting. When I was waiting in that line, I was scrolling on my phone and TSA has a Twitter and they were doing like, some, like, oh, hey, when TSA has to come, explain why peanut butter a liquid, and it's a meme with LeBron holding the flag. Oh, that's fine. I'm going. You don't have money to hire a 22 year old social media advisor. Get another person in the line. Also, why are the rules different in every place? The laptops, the shoes. Why are you yelling at me? I don't work here. You work here. I don't. I'm not. You're not my supervisor. No, I have no idea what's going on here. Yeah, that's my biggest problem with it. Quit treating us like we're a holes. Yes. I'm not a piece of garbage. Well, but you kind of. Yeah, they started. I get in line with an open mind every time. Every time. I am ready to be friendly to this person. You're not. You don't have any freaking. And they look at me like, what are you doing here, you idiot? Why you take your. I'm sorry. You chose this path in life. Don't take it out on me. Try going through TSA with comedian Drew Hastings. No, no. See, that's the. He and I both would end up in jail because I'd be his. I'd be his hype man. You tell him this is against our rights. Yeah, I. I literally have. I have gone. I. I have deliberately stayed 80ft away from him when he goes through, because I hear it comes. Yeah. I'm not that guy. You want to see it? Open it up, buddy. I do know that that is a tough job. And so I'm just quiet the whole time. So what is the. With the shoe thing? I'm. I'm confused. It's different at every airport. Sometimes she's on. It does seem Seem like different airports have different criteria. They do and they admit it. Here's my solution to this. The guy that they caught with the shoe bomb, burn him at the stake publicly at an airport tarmac, prime time. If you do this, we're gonna burn you alive. Because I do believe in cruel and unusual punishment. How did that guy even survive the. If I were on a flight and I look over and some guy's trying to light his shoe, I'm going, who else is beating him up until he's dead? I want to find. Am I the only one? I want to fight a guy who puts his chair back. Are you kidding? If they don't want you to put your chair back, don't let the seats be able to do that. Mechanic. No chair back, no chair back, no boo. You can do it, so you should be able to do it. No, no. It's a prick test. That's what they're doing. Who on this flight is a prick? If you. That's why I fly first class. You can push the seats back. Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. First Class. You're getting gum in your hair. It's got to be so awesome. Even in first class. If I put the seat. You're getting gum in your hair still six feet away from you, you're gonna say I'm a prick. I have a similar rule pad. It rhymes with gum. It's because you didn't get the HJ in line at tsa. You put it in my hair. Oh, that's hot. Just protein. Yeah, it's hot. While you're watching something about Mary on your phone, coincidentally, incidentally enough. Okay. Don't you love though when the person next to you gets hot coffee and then when the plane. The turbulence hits. Yeah, yeah. You realize that's friendly fire is the thing. I'm not gonna get some of that too, pal. You couldn't wait. Or the person that gets the incredibly smelly gigantic sandwich. More on the way in just a minute. Comedians Jen Cobur and Michael Cleveland will be in studio. So come on back. This is the Bob and Tom show. Bob and Tom. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show here on a Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. The gang is back in here live on Monday, so make sure you're here for that as well. Right now, a segment with comedians Jen Kober and Michael Cleveland. Hello, Tom. We got a big show today. Super fun. Greg Warren Reno. Kyle Collier. Comedian Jen Coburg. Jen has a new project out there. It's a video on YouTube called no Flies on me. Jen is a very fine stand up comedian and she's also gonna be part of Cirque du Soleil. Now she. I don't know how to delicately put this. She will not be an acrobat. Yes. No, you will not be doing any acrobatics. I come out right after the girl that swings from her hair. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, yeah, I. I won't be doing that. Nice. Well, your hair is very short. It is. My hair is very short. But this is the worst part. My wife's hair is very long. I don't know if you've ever lived with a long haired lady. I do right now. Oh, yeah. I blew my nose the other day and one of her hairs came out. What is happening? Constantly molting me. Right? And if you got to be careful where you put your nose. But if you live with a woman that has long hair, you know that in your shower drain there lives an animal. I got in the shower the other morning, I was like, babe, do I need to walk this thing or feed it? What are we doing? I feel like we should name it. Put it up for adoption. It's a lot. Because all I have ever wanted. All I have ever wanted, Tom, is a hypoallergenic lesbian. Right. Don't they make like a lesbadoodle? Is there a lesbadoodle in make that happen? Yeah, it's the former owner of a couple of Labradoodles. I'm fully aware of that. I feel like this is the answer. We just need a nice lesson. Let me ask you, in all truth, whenever I see one of those hairballs, historically, I always take a Kleenex and pick it up. Oh, I'm. I'm at my wife. Dad. I call her. Oh, you don't bareback it. She does a thing now where she takes the hair and she swirls it on the tile. I'm like, what are you doing? And she goes, I don't want it to go down the drain. Yes, I. So the answer is to put it on the wall. One of my girlfriends would put it on the wall too. That is so. Yes, you talked about it. I thought for the longest time that we had pattern. A pattern. We just bought this house. I thought we had pattern tile in the bathroom. And I realized, no, this is just her swirling her hair. Christy, do you. Would you pick it up with your fingers or would you get a Kleenex? No, I get a Kleenex. Or actually even use scissors. You know, take it and yeah. Hey, Josh, what would you put on the wall when you were in the shower? Temporarily. It would be DNA. Okay. Well, no, I. You answered for me. Sorry. Now, we're going to get back to Jen in just a second. But you are on your way to Las Vegas? I am. And what is the name of this particular Cirque du Soleil show? It's called Mad Apple. It's playing at the New York New York Casino and Resort. It has been. I think it's been. I think they just had their one year anniversary. It's a great show. Such high energy. It's really, really fun. It's a little dirty. It's a little dirtier than the other Cirque du Soleil shows because it's set on the streets of New York. You know, I. I was reluctantly taken to Cirque du Soleil a few years back. I've since been two more times. I l I couldn't believe how great it was. It's beautiful, like, to work in an ensemble with, you know, when you're a comedian, you perform with other comedians. And usually it's just me and openers. Like, it's not like I'm around a bunch of headliners, you know, but this is. It's incredible to be in a cast of people that are that talented. There's a guy in the show who throws this little skinny woman up in the air. He throws her in the air and he catches her, and that's his shtick. And then he puts on a blindfold and throws her in the air and still catches her. And then they, like, put him backwards and upside down, and then he throws. And every time I see this guy backstage, I want to make him laugh because I'm a comedian. That's in my nature. But I am scared to make him laugh because I don't want to throw him off balance. And he drops this little skinny bitch. I'm scared to draw his focus. Like, every time I see him, I just stone face it. I'm just like, no, I can't. Don't make. Don't make Yuri laugh. Don't do it. Does the woman have any particular skill set on. Other than being. Other than being the smallest woman that I've ever seen? No. I mean, I'm sure she does. She. She's graceful. She points her toes and is, you know, sure is fairy, like and such much more dainty than I. But I mean, it's unbelievable that. That she lets him do this to her. I mean, right? And then that he. Because, you know, he's dropped her. Yeah. That's what I'm saying is like, everybody has a bad day at work. Everybody has a day where you're phoning it in. You're just like. Like. It'll be my former partner. She's the one coming up the ramp with a mouth and a tube. That bad mouth in a tube. Let's take a quick, quick check in here with Patty G in the other room. Can you hear me okay, Pat? I can indeed. Okay, now, can you. Can. Can you hear Michael? When. Michael, can you give Pat a little bit of a. A thing on the. Your. On your violin over there? Your fiddle, I should say. Ah. It's like the went down to George. Wow. Is that. That's the 22nd version of Charlie Daniels. That's amazing. Keep practicing, Michael. You'll get it next time. Unbelievable. Pat. What you guys want to do? You want to hear gangsta folk are stuck in a car? Those are pretty. I'll do gangsta folk. Okay, here we go. We're in E, Michael. All right, all right. You take the gangster rap, you tone it down, put it on his folk melody so everybody can enjoy the message of the gangster. It's called gangsta folk. There you go. I'm Patty Gary. It's all good. It's all good. I'll pop a cap in your ass if you're in my neighborhood. Nice neighborhood. Wait. All that my brother would say about my mother. I'm the bomb this ain't no joke it's gangster folk oh, yeah? Yo, dog, check it out. My hooches flies Hooches fly Don't dis my baby boo what's a boo? Boy, you'll end up like, you know, Tupac, that's who. Shout out to all my G's. What's up, peeps? Cracker, please, I'm dope so take a to gangster folk it's gangster folk we be chilling out puffing on the chronic Till we all folked out Hoes in the hot tub 24,7H and ain't no lie Nasty hoes, fuck MC Crime is fat I got my Glock B who dad fush doesn't my dog keep on playing? I have no idea what I'm saying I'm the bomb say no joke is gangster folk One time, Michael. Oh, I'm the bomb this ain't no joke Is gangster Peace out, Michael Cleveland. Michael, you nailed it. True that. Now you said, who dat? That's very Louisiana. That's very who dat. Who dat? Yes, True dat. Who that true, dad. Do do you follow the world of hip hop? I mean, as much as. Is there a. Is there a white lesbian from the South? Is there, Is there a genre. Is there a genre of lesbian. Lesbian hip hop? I mean, I'm sure there are some lesbian hip hop artists. A genre of lesbian hip hop. There's a, There's a. Oh, what are they called? Something. And she. I'd have to look it up. But yeah, there is. There's a little lesbian duo, and they sound like the Indigo Sisters. Yes. I think we've nailed it now. You MC Ethridge. Very nice. Bravo. I thought. Very funny. Thank you very much. Are you a cook? I am. Because Louisiana. I always think of Justin. Remember that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Justin Wilson. Justin Wilson. Justin Wilman's the great magician. And by the way, he's got a naked thing on his website you missed up on Instagram. It's so funny. His clothes have disappeared now. Justin Wilson. But what's, what was his tagline? I guarantee that's it. They such a cutie. Such a cutie. I do cook, but my wife is a baker, so. Nice. Oh, that's real good, y'all. Hot sex and there's cake. But here's the thing, y'all. When she's had a bad day at work, I'm like, you know, what could it have? What did you. She's like, all I did all day. I just made icing all day. I'm like, that sounds awful, right? I'm starting to call her my little frostitute. I'm just kidding. I don't pay for it. She's just a tart. Oh, boom. Now, I don't want to get. I, I, I don't want to violate your, your, the, the, the borders. Violate her borders. I don't want to intrude on, on the, the deeper aspects of your personal sexual encounters. I, for one, do not approve of food in the bedroom at all, anywhere. And I hate room service at hotels I can't stand. He's a prude, Tom. No. So this is my question. I don't want to. Again, you don't have to go into any personal details, but does she ever bring the frosting into the bedroom or. We have not done frosting in the bedroom. I don't know if you know about lady parts, but sugar is not very good for them. You're risking some infection there. Maybe a little. Little. So some things you don't want to. Want to go down. So, sugar. Not great for that. But, But I do. Don't you mean Go down on some things you don't want to go down. I enjoy a little Cool Whip on a nipple every now and then. But other than that. That should be the title of your next special. Cool Whip on the nipple. You have a little trademark sign after cool Whipple on the nipple. That way you can get around the cool or just cool nip. Yeah, that's a good one too. I like how you guys are editing for. Yeah, no, I don't, I don't, I don't like food in, in any. I mean, we know. Do you like room service? I love rooms. Well, here's the problem. I do have a problem with room service. And my problem with room service is that there's never a surface in the room on which to eat the room service. They have to. Some I make them leave the, the tray they rolled it in on. But sometimes they don't want to do that. They just want to give you the food and you have to eat it at that like, weird desk. Yes. I don't like that part of it. But anytime you're bringing food to me especially I love those little dome covers. Aren't those fun? Oh my God. It's so. It's like tada. It's usually just a burger and fries when I get room service. But it's very exciting. The reveal. Have you ever, ever walked down a hotel hallway and seen some fries sitting there that have been and had one? This happens to me in Vegas all the time. There's people will leave like their. Whatever they didn't eat from roof service right outside of their room. And look, there have been some nights when you're coming back, maybe you've had a couple of cocktails at a, at a roulette table and you're thinking those fries don't look like they've been touched and you're tempted. It's very tempting, but I can honestly say I have never eaten it. I did it once. I was drunk and it was a dinner roll. It was sitting there and it looked perfect. I did once see a pizza box outside of someone's room and I, I didn't eat the pizza, but I looked in to see if there was pizza. It was just an empty box. Thank God, because I think I would have taken a slice of pizza. Now look, I have a question for Michael Cleveland. Michael, this is a non musical question, all right? And we've established a couple things. You're a brilliant musician and you're blind. Those are the big two, right? Were you aware of those things? Everyone is bothering the eat. I was. I don't like looking at menus. I have to read all the time. I don't want to go. It's too much work. When you go to a restaurant in. As much as you can't read the menu, presumably they don't have it in braille. Well, they might have it in braille. Yeah. Sometimes they do. But man, I'm so slow at reading braille these days. Oh, I mean, it take. If one time I tried to actually read a braille menu. It took me about an hour. I was like, like, no, this ain't happening. Somebody read it to you. So do you ask your. Your bandmates or are they gonna. Yeah, I got these glasses, you know, they're. They're supposed to be able to do that. These new AI Ray Bans, they can. They can read. Yeah, yeah. You. It takes a picture of it. And then what is it? And then it just tells you what it says. Yeah, it tells you the items on the menu. Oh, wow, that's amazing. I was hoping your bandmates would screw. Screw up with you. Oh, they. Well, they do. Well, I'm sorry. All they have is vegan stuff. Oh, they have fish head sandwiches. Wow, that's exciting. It's their specialty. Only rice now. How do you know what's left on your plate? Oh, my God. Well, you got a fork and a spoon, so you go by touch. Yeah. Do you ever miss your mouth? Well, yeah. Isn't that what Seinfeld said? He always. The worst thing about being blind was bugs in your food. Yes. And not being able to see if there are bugs in your food. You wouldn't. No. Right. Crunch, crunch. Oh, my God. Was that a raisin? Next question. How do you know when you're done wiping your butt? And the answer is. Thank you. Jen and I were having a fashion discussion in the green room. Oh, here we go. Can I guess what it was about? Go ahead, sure. Her hat. Is that right? No, it was not, though. My hat says no flies on me. It's for my special. No, but it's a. It's a skew. It's a. It's got a little flavor. It's often it is to be a skew. It's kind of canted, if you will, which. Which lends itself to a rather unfortunate joke that I, Michael, will probably tell it. No, we were discussing shoes with your. Your sphere of knowledge. Oh, I like shoes. Sneakers. Because I was. Over the weekend, I was getting one of my girls a pair of shoes, and we went in the store and they had the. The ocs. Do you get her a pair of on clasp? No, she ended up getting another type that she liked more. But they have the. The hokas. Hokas, yes. And it looks like you're walking on a mattress. I did not care. But you said this is a big thing in the lesbian community. Let me tell you something. I travel a lot with lesbians. I do a lot of trips with these lesbians. Oh, yeah, tell us about that. Two kinds. Hey, Josh. There are ho. Hoka lesbians and there are OC lesbians and they fight like in west side Story, the Sharks and the Jets. It's like, whose shoes are better? And they argue. I have watched two grown women argue over whose shoes were better. Yeah, there'd probably be a. That video might sell. I got some hokas and I really like them. Yeah. Super low impact. They're great. I would never wear them here. Right. When I walk in them if I were gonna walk afterwards. Yeah. Is it weird they seem like the. The sole is so thick, you know, it doesn't seem weird. They don't look that thick on the ones I got, at least. And then they. They know. They feel really good. Tom's wearing slip on shoes today. Have you seen them? Oh, no, no, but I think it's fine. The slip on ocs? Yeah. They're kind of like loafers. Yeah. Oh, okay. I could get them on quick. That's the beauty of it. Right now we're going to switch gears. I think we have the satellite hookup. There he is. Look at that handsome man. Good morning, my friend. Are you wearing. Are you wearing slippers right now or do you have shoes on? Because you're home at your house. I don't have any shoes on or socks or pants. Now what, what, what. What room are you in at your house? Really, Tom? The bathroom. Will you stop? He's. He's in the funeral viewing area. I'm in the funeral viewing? Yes. No, because I'm wondering if I get you one of those lamps like in Christmas Story, would you put it there? 100. And I would leave it there and it fit perfectly right in front of the window. And it would give my wife an aneurysm, but I would do it in a heartbeat. Okay. Because we. They can. They have those, you know. Oh, I know. They're very fragile. They're lovely. Now you're a Southern guy. You're a Southern guy. We have a. What's a Louisiana person called? Cajun. Oh, you're. Are you. Are you Cajun? No, but I just consider myself a hick. I'm just. Just backwoods a little bit, you know. Do you say you all in a regular basis, Reno, y'all made you say, Is that part of your common speech pattern? Of course it is. Yeah. I think so. You can't help it. Like, it just kind of. Well, it's not. I think it's charming. It's also gender neutral, so it's very progressive. Well, and that's progressive. That's. That's why. Why. Have you ever heard that joke why rednecks don't go to Ivy League school? Because when someone goes, where do you go to school? And they go, Yale and they go, where do you go to school? I love that. I love that. Great one. So what. What pronouns y'all like to use? That work? Does that work? Sort of, yes. That working? Okay, good. If Hicks cared about such things as pronouns, that would be like, lovely. Of course. She's a woman. She's my sis. Thank you. Thank you very much. My mother said to me at Christmas, she goes, there is no way every member of that Siberian orchestra is trans. We'll wrap things up for you on a Friday, coming up in just a minute. Comedian, impressionist Frank Caliendo is next here on the Bob and Tom Show. This is the best of the Bob and Tom show on a Friday morning. Welcome back. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. Let's wind things up today with comedian impressionist Frank Caliendo. Frank, it's always a great pleasure to see you, and you're looking great. I try real hard. So one of the reasons I wanted Willie to be here today, because I did. I did request Willie to be in today. You know, I originally worked with Willie a little bit. Where was the first time you worked with me? Milwaukee. Yeah. Maybe some guest spots in Chicago a couple years ago. Yeah, that's right. And he did pretty well. And then the last. The time I saw him after that, I'm like, wow, you've gotten much better. Just like my dad said. And I started bringing him some different places. But now, here's the thing is, one of the things about working with somebody on the road is I always find somebody who's willing to drive a stupid amount. Right? So that's part. Willie knows. That's part of the deal. Oh, yeah. I go, I think your comedy is great. I think you work for this audience and it'll be fantastic. But can you drive for hours? Five and a half. Five and a half. I'm just talking about the first part. The first look. So that's always a thing with me because I really don't enjoy driving. Although it's where I get a lot of work done. If I'm driving by myself, I'll talk to myself the whole time. You always bring up the Jim Rome. That's where I got the Jim Rome impression, was just being in the car, talking to myself, doing this over and over. So Willie's obliged, and he's been doing great. The shows have been fantastic. But the last time we drove to, he drove. I made demands. And so we were in a casino in Southern Illinois area, and we'd stopped to get some food because I'm doing this thing, this intermittent fasting where I'm not eating most of the day. I try not to eat for 16 to 18 hours during the day and then just eat in a window. But when I eat in this window, I kind of gorge. So not just kind of. I eat the. I eat, you know, 2,000 calories worth for the day, maybe 3,000. So we stopped at a sandwich shop. What was it? We stopped at Jimmy John's. We stopped at Jimmy John's. And I know there's certain things, if I get the dressing on the sandwich, it's. That can be an issue, having not eaten for 18 to 20 hours or whatever. Whatever it is. But I also got the pickle. So we. I ate the pickle. I'm like, I shouldn't eat the pickle. Something's gonna happen. I can hear. We get back in the car, and my stomach starts gurgling. We're a couple hours in, and he just. It's one of those things where usually it's like, hey, if you have to. If you. If there's an opportunity, could you pull over? And that's how I felt at the time. That's how I felt at the time. It was definitely. If you. If there's an opportunity. Opportunity. If you see something coming along. Yeah. And it looks safe. Yeah, yeah. Clean, safe, clean, safe. You know, like, people have used the bathroom and they've cleaned it in between. If there's an opportunity, maybe we get, you know, an exit. And then it turned into. Pull over right now. No, no, don't park on that side of the Starbucks. Not even there yet. Not even there yet. Then we see a sign that says, next exit, 35 miles. He goes, can you hold it? I go, I hope so. Yeah. So I'm starting to really. I'm starting to feel. I'm. I, I. The contractions are getting closer and closer. And he. He doesn't know whether to laugh or hope it happens. He's just sitting there and goes, oh, no. My dad. If we had to pee when we were kids, my dad would say, he starts to hug. I wish I could turn some water on right now. Oh, yeah, the waterfalls. And so he's just milking. So we're. We are on our way. And he goes. He was getting seriously worried about me because I think I was changing color. I think there was. The poison was starting to set in. You were sweating. I was sweating. And he'd look over to me every once in a while and he'd be, are you okay? Like, I think. I hope we get. Can you go faster now? Is this in Willy's car? Yeah, it's Willy's car. Oh, my God, we finally made it to a Starbucks. And I bark at the first spot that I see. And he screams, there's a spot three cars up. It's right by the door. Why would you park at that? That was the stupidest thing I've ever seen. You parked in the middle of the night. And he was so worried. He was like, yeah, but I thought you needed to get out as fast. But I need to get out as fast as possible. But I don't need to walk. I meant pull up alongside. And I was tightening everything that I'd worked on tightening in my. Like, I was tightening abs, cheeks, everything, both sets, everything was getting tightened. And I'm trying to get over there, and you could just hear him giggling in the back. So I get there and I. You know, I think it was a Starbucks, right? It was a star. And nobody was in either of them. And I got. I'm not even sure if I. You know, how safely you make sure you lock the door in. I don't think there was anything locked. I don't know what happened, but people knew as soon as I sat down. Don't come anywhere near this. So funny. Poor barista. Oh, my gosh. That guy on MADtv. What a great day. Did he bait you with, like, well, what would Robin Williams say about what's happening to you right now? Oh, no, it's Joe versus the Volcano. Here we go. I mean. And when I said, will you come in just so I can. Because it was coming back to me. I hadn't relived that moment at all. And when I saw Willie, it all started to come back to me today. But after that drive, I would never have anybody drive me in an emergency dump. And I. By the way, on a side note, if I were ever made President. Many of the things I would do, I would require every sign at the side of a friend freeway that says, whatever, McDonald's, Starbucks, whatever it is, would have the mileage from the exit. Yeah, I hate it when you get off and you find out, oh, it's seven miles that way. Oh, so I'm gonna go 20 minutes out of my way to get this. We were. We were in. I mean, we were in the middle of. I was thinking about getting in a cornfield and just. If you build it, they will dump. I was. I was there like, he's like, do you need me? I'm like, I'm thinking about it. I literally was to that point where I just didn't know what was gonna happen. I was so worried I was going to ruin his car. And then it was going to be a different story here. But it was just one of those moments where, ah, this guy's the right guy. I found the one. Good, good. I found the one. Was this one where you. After you were finished at Starbucks, you were good. Or were there aftershocks, you know, back then? I was worried about. And he was actually checking on me a bunch. Good job of a feature, baby. There were little rumbling, but it wasn't that. It was good. It was horrific. I mean, I got in there and nothing. Nothing was solid. I don't know what that. I don't know what happened was at the state fair. I really don't know. I mean, it was one of the worst. Like, I had this horrific feeling the whole time, but it was this. It was. This element of. This could be incredibly embarrassing, but what a great story this would be at the same time. And I just didn't. I didn't want to tip the scale, so to speak, in the great story. I knew it would be a great story, and I knew it would end up being a pretty good story this way. It would have been an incredible story if only. If only had gotten there. And it was one of the ones that required a code to get in. I thought I had all those. Everything was going through my head. I was going to be a code breaker. I was thinking Benedict Cumberbatch. I was thinking everything I could was going through my head. Like, what could be the problems? Because as you get closer to that bathroom, it hits you more and more. You know, the launch. It's like the launch codes. As Chick says, you fired the launch codes and they begun. You can't back up. Yeah, you got. Yeah, it really was global thermonuclear war. Would you like to play a game? No. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Actor Michael Rosenbaum. He knows some of the most talented people in the business, and now he's getting the inside story. Let's get inside of Heather Grant. I can't look at, like, Boogie Nights and think. No, because you were a nerd. Johnny Knoxville. You think you're gonna do another Jackass movie? What do your kids want? Dad's not gonna do that. You gotta be careful how you choose your heroes. Here from some of the most fascinating people in pop culture today, Danny Trejo. You're a legend. Do you know you're a legend? You can can't be a legend having this much fun. The inside of you podcast, follow and listen on your favorite platform.