The BOB & TOM Show – January 5, 2026

Host: The BOB & TOM Show Crew
Episode Theme: Return from Holiday – Comedy, Vacation Recaps, Life’s Oddities, New Year’s Resolutions, and Hilarious News

Overview

The January 5th, 2026 episode of The BOB & TOM Show marks the crew’s lively return from holiday break. The show blends classic BOB & TOM mischief—irreverent banter, comic songs, and listener letters—with recaps of everyone’s vacations, reflections on modern annoyances, and an abundance of odd and outrageous news stories. Highlights include post-holiday routines, culinary confessions, robust debates on the merits of beards, a running battle over a new office refrigerator, and an extensive exploration of the weirdest medical reports and human behaviors. New Year’s resolutions are exchanged with humorous skepticism, and the crew plunges headfirst into the absurd with their signature wit.

Main Topics & Segments

1. Opening Comedy Song: "Internet Porn"

[00:32-02:57]

• A musical parody lampoons the evolution of adult entertainment, blending clever wordplay and raunchy exaggerations.
• Notable line:
  B: "Internet porn. Girl on girl on girl on girl on girl on guy on sheep... When you're given so much to choose from, who has time to sleep?"

2. Back from Vacation: Recap & Banter

[03:08-07:18]

• The crew shares holiday maladies, beard status, and light-hearted morbidity about funeral grooming choices:
  A: "Pat, Josh, what do you think? Keep the beards in the casket or you clean shaven?"
  C: "Oh, beard, beard."
• Christy Lee relishes her staycation, stirring a brief ode to the pleasures of homebody life and the universal pull of 'home':
  A/Seinfeld: "When you're home, you want to go out. Then when you're out, all you want is to go home."

3. Annoyances in Modern Hospitality, Salt, & Sweeteners

[09:03-11:19]

• Tom laments new restaurant and coffee shop "policies"—no salt on tables, missing preferred artificial sweeteners, and performative pepper grinders:
  D: "You gotta go to these coffee shops and they only have whatever it is… tree hugging crap. Let me decide!"

4. New Year’s Eves Recap & Irish Traditions

[12:00-13:44]

• Crew members share ("unimpressive") bedtimes for NYE.
• Pat Godwin introduces an Irish tradition:
  F: "A dark-haired person has to go outside at midnight with coins, then bring good luck in for the new year."

5. Travel Tribulations: TSA & Security Tales

[07:18-08:48, 75:41-76:08]

• Tales of repeated TSA pat-downs, suspicion for flying solo with children, and frustrations with PreCheck.
• A: "This guy was really in there. Maybe just maybe guys like you?"

6. Return to Work: The Joys of a New Refrigerator

[09:03-11:01, 49:00-52:59]

• The arrival of a new break room fridge is met with over-the-top celebration, including a breakroom fridge origin debate and tales of garage fridges, with Christy boasting her "convenience store" setup at home.

7. Gifts & Mini Guitars: Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame

[17:42-19:19]

• Christmas gift exchange: miniature guitars inspired by legendary artists.
• Tom shows off his set, while Christy delays opening hers, leading to playful teasing.

8. Comedy Club Adventures

[19:24-20:13]

• Josh visits St. Louis’ "Funny Bone" for open mic night – is introduced as "another comedy legend."
• Nikki Glaser reportedly kills with her Golden Globes set.

9. Listener Mailbag & Recurring Characters

[20:21-23:29]

• Letters highlight show references like "Horvath" and recount past holiday guests.
• Listeners note how on-air comments (e.g., Rossignol ski boots) impact real-world shopping.

10. TV & Movie Recommendations

[06:02-06:38, 28:04-29:44, 41:38-41:48]

• Crew reviews streaming picks:
  • Blackbird ("really well done, gruesome")
  • The Beast in Me with Matthew Rhys ("the best")
  • Landman featuring Jerry Jones as himself ("shockingly good acting!")
• Movie/TV review banter includes tales of bad skiing vacations and the importance of car choice among characters.

11. Holiday Food Confessions

[36:09-37:19]

• Vacation gluttony tales:
  • Cookie dough waffle and "diet of a toddler": C: "I ate like a toddler."
  • Baba Ganoush discovery: D: "I guess everybody else has tried baba ganoush…I loved it!"

12. New Year’s Resolutions

[124:23-129:32]

• Crew shares quirky, realistic resolutions:
  • Chick: No “audibles” with his outfit; whatever is out gets worn.
  • Tom: Lays out underwear so it’s always “steppable.”
  • Christy: Vows to say “no” more often; protect personal time.
  • Pat: Five-minute daily gym cold plunges & pickleball.

13. Absurd News Roundup & Running Gags

a) NFL & Sports News

[29:44–31:12, 42:23–43:54, 64:23–65:07]

• Chiefs moving from Missouri to Kansas ("Paris of the Plains, City of Fountains").
• AFC/NFC playoffs set – "whole new world" with perennial favorites missing.

b) Circumcision Deaths in South Africa

[130:45–132:23]

• 41 deaths after initiation ceremonies.
• Dives into cultural nuances and the tragic consequences of illegal clinics.

c) China’s Tax on Birth Control

[132:27–135:30]

• Discussing China’s 13% tax on condoms & contraceptives to boost falling birth rates.
• Comparison with Japanese birthrate policies and ‘love education.’

d) Lobster Heist & Costco

[138:04–139:24]

• $400,000 in frozen lobsters stolen.
• The crew riffs on how one fences that much lobster.
• D: "Costco's boiling mad!"

e) Waymo Car Intruder

[146:27–149:14]

• Woman finds a man hiding in the trunk/bay of an autonomous car in LA.
• Discussion leads to how modern cars allow trunk escape and safety features.

f) Wallaby on the Loose

[149:58–151:03]

• A repeat-offender wallaby is found at Walmart—discussion veers to kangaroo biology and pouches.

g) Foreign Objects in the Human Body (Rectum Segment)

[96:08–122:57]

• Annual tradition: bizarre and dangerous items found in ER over the past year, including aerosol cans, dryer sheets, baton, pasta, light bulbs, wine stopper, dildos, penny, marbles, and more.
• Multiple speakers with one-liners throughout:
  • C: "Wouldn't even the most primitive of minds go, this is not going to come out?" [105:48]
  • F (song spoof): "I didn’t put it up my rectum, so how it got there, doctor, is a mystery." [121:35]

14. Music, Sex, and the Brain

[80:24–81:30]

• New research: Listening to favorite music activates the same brain regions as sex and food, sometimes even causing physical chills.
  E: "[It] affects the brain’s opioid system—music can evoke intense pleasure, sometimes as pleasant chills."

15. Miscellaneous Entertaining Tangents

- Car Wash Joy

[89:28–91:14]
Lengthy, joyous discussion about the satisfying sensory experience of automatic car washes and associated childhood fears, ending with Tom’s car wash rituals:
D: "I’ll get in the car wash and have to complete Wordle before I get out."

- Beard Debates

[85:05–87:42]
Panel discussion: “Does every man look better with a beard?” Opinions divided.
A: “Every guy looks better in a beard.”
D: “Not true! …I just don’t think it’s Ace's look.”

- Listener Letters

Interspersed throughout, readers call in with stories about dogs, ski gear shortages, and more.

16. Historical Miscellany

[155:33–161:19]

• Highlights of January 5th in history: divorce in 1643, the “Great Frost” of 1709, Bonnie & Clyde’s meeting in 1930, debut of Pepe Le Pew, and the rise of the safety razor.
• Sugarhill Gang’s "Rappers Delight" discussed as the first mainstream hip hop hit: D: “A lot of the people that created it didn't get the money."

Notable Quotes

• "Internet porn. When you're given so much to choose from, who has time to sleep?" (B, [00:52])
• "There’s a conspiracy…I love real cream." (D, [09:36])
• "When you're home, you want to go out. Then when you're out, you just want to go home." (A/Seinfeld, [07:10])
• "You gotta go to these coffee shops and they only have whatever it is…tree hugging crap. Let me decide!" (D, [10:03])
• "No, but my son had to go outside and come in because he’s the only dark headed person, our family tradition." (F, [12:08])
• "What is it about me that I keep getting the full...pat down?" (D, [75:41])
• "That magnificent bastard is right there…The fridge part’s on top, the freezer on the bottom…" (A, [49:35])
• "Cookie dough waffle…what am I doing? If a baby had money!" (C, [36:33])
• "Every guy looks better in a beard." (A, [86:14])
• "So is 400,000 bucks just one truckload of lobster? … Costco’s boiling mad." (D, [138:33], [138:49])

Memorable Moments & Humor Highlights

• Celebrating the new office refrigerator as if it were a SpaceX launch.
• The infamous “foreign objects” rectum list—complete with an original song parody.
  F (singing): "I didn’t put it up my rectum, so how it got there, doctor, is a mystery." [121:35]
• Listeners blame Tom for ski gear shortages by hyping Rossignol boots.
• Banter about Kansas City Chiefs’ state loyalty and confusion over sports geography ("Paris of the Plains, City of Fountains").
• Pat’s account of Irish coin-and-shot traditions for New Year’s—bewildering everyone else.
• The “cookie dough waffle” and “I ate like a toddler” sequence.
• Historical detours: Bonnie & Clyde, Pepe Le Pew’s cancellation, safety razors, and more.

Timestamps of Key Segments

• Opening Song: "Internet Porn" – [00:32–02:57]
• Vacation Recaps & Sick Leave – [03:08–07:18]
• Annoyed Rants (Salt/Pepper/Sweetener) – [09:03–11:19]
• New Year’s Eve & Irish Traditions – [12:00–13:44]
• TSA Pat-Down Stories – [07:18–08:48], [75:41–76:08]
• New Refrigerator Segment – [49:00–52:59]
• Comedy Club Adventures – [19:24–20:13]
• Listener Letter Highlights – [20:21–23:29], [21:39, 25:24]
• Sports Relocation & Chiefs News – [29:44–31:12], [42:23–43:54], [64:23–65:07]
• Foreign Objects in Rectums Segment – [96:08–122:57]
• Circumcision Deaths – [130:45–132:23]
• Chinese Birth Control Taxation – [132:27–135:30]
• Lobster Heist – [138:04–139:24]
• Waymo Car Intruder – [146:27–149:14]
• Wallaby on the Loose – [149:58–151:03]
• Music and Brain Pleasure – [80:24–81:30]
• Historical Segment – [155:33–161:19]

Tone & Style

• Playful, irreverent, and quick-witted
• Classic Bob & Tom “riffing” as well as sincere personal anecdotes
• Occasional blue humor and edgy jokes, balanced by warm camaraderie

Summary

This episode encapsulates the spirit of The BOB & TOM Show: equal parts riotous, absurd, and relatable. From tales of TSA intimacy to fridge adoration, offbeat holiday traditions, and jaw-droppingly weird ER reports, the crew’s warmth and camaraderie invite listeners to laugh at life’s unpredictability. Classic comedy grounds the show while present-day quirks—like self-driving car mishaps, New Year’s resolutions, and televised DJ complaints—provide a pulse on contemporary life. The show closes with the message that while you can’t control the weather, or the odds of ending up on a TSA watchlist, you can always depend on the Bob & Tom crew’s raucous return to the airwaves.

Listen if you: Love stand-up, irreverent news, oddball humor, and a peek into the weirdness of everyday American life, all delivered by radio’s most seasoned creative improv team.