The BOB & TOM Show - July 3, 2026

Summary

The BOB & TOM Show Free Podcast

Episode: July 3, 2026

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Overview

This special holiday episode of The BOB & TOM Show delivers the familiar mix of sharp-witted comedy, offbeat news, irreverent sports commentary, and music, with an extra dose of guest comedians and musicians. The crew celebrates the Fourth of July weekend with a satirical Independence Day tribute, light-hearted debates, stories about family, aging, and relationships, extended musical performances, and special appearances from guest comedians including Lewis Black, Leanne Morgan, Jamie Lisso, Kelly Colette, Mark Shalafu, Gracie Cannon, Milana Vayntrub, and legendary bluesman Duke Tomato. The tone is classic Bob & Tom: riff-filled, fast-moving, and alternating between joyful absurdity and sharp observational humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Absurd Independence Day Tribute (00:17–03:12)

• Satirical Skit: Gracie Cannon, as ‘Pamela Anderson,’ delivers a hilarious, fact-mangling Fourth of July tribute.
  • Flagrant historical errors abound (the forefathers arriving in 1492, the British attacking Pearl Harbor, Lincoln freeing the slaves to build the Statue of Liberty, and the signing of the “Declaration of Incontinence”).
  • Memorable Moment: “Is that because it’s like a leap year or something?” – Gracie as “Pam” misidentifying July 4th (00:55).
  • The gang delights in her utter confusion and double entendres, perfectly capturing their junk-food sketch style.

2. Adult Entertainment Awards & Pop Culture (04:02–08:46)

• Debate: The meaning of the term “porn star,” with jokes about “journeyman” adult film actors and the lack of supporting actor awards in that industry.
• Christy Lee and Josh Arnold research real-life AVN Award winners, with tangents about Instagram and makeup.
  • “I took a screenshot of porn once because I liked the girl's makeup...which means, like, I’m gonna have to bring this screenshot to Sephora...” – Gracie Cannon (07:08)
• Further riffs on noticing nonsexual details in films and even in porn (kitchens, cars), and conversation about Hallmark movie envy.

3. Getting to Know Kelly Colette (09:01–11:16)

• Background: Cincinnati origins, bachelor’s in public relations, reflections on how the world of PR was upended by social media.
• Comedy about not being religious but into “spirituality” via crystals, including a story about crystal shopping and self-deprecating humor about “buying a $50 rock.”
  • “I’m about to spend $50 on a rock. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Am I fired?” – Kelly Colette (09:28)

4. Jennifer Aniston & Hollywood Stereotypes (11:13–11:49)

• Quick detour into Aniston’s crystals, childlessness, and media coverage—riffing on how celebrities’ personal lives become public fixations.

5. Interview with Lewis Black (13:50–24:17)

• Voiceover career: Lewis recounts doing voices for “Inside Out,” “SpongeBob,” and “Scooby-Doo.”
  • “As a Jew, I am the voice of Santa SpongeBob for the last five years.” – Lewis Black (15:17)
• Stand-up Origins: Traces journey from Yale Drama School to his disaster-filled standup debut, saved only by a dog coming onstage (17:35).
  • “My dog got bigger laughs than I did that night...he came on stage when the dog senses that you need to be rescued.” – Lewis Black (17:41)
• On Writing & Anger: Discusses his “Rant Cast” podcast where he reads listeners’ angry rants (chunky vs. smooth peanut butter, pickles, endless CVS receipts), and how he strategically uses swearing in his act.
  • “The extraordinary thing is how angry Americans are about peanut butter....somebody wrote literally a seven minute soliloquy.” – Lewis Black (21:12)
• Playwriting ambitions and the challenge of getting his plays taken seriously before comedy stardom.

6. Leanne Morgan Joins – Comedy & Family (24:17–33:20)

• Family & Guests: On having visiting grandkids (“They can stay with me for the rest of their lives.” – Leanne, 25:17), and the statistical “maximum” days houseguests can stay.
• Commercial Voiceover: Like Lewis, she’s been approached—but only for the shingles vaccine, which prompts stories about her own repeated bouts with shingles (27:30), and the reality of aging.
• Pitching Voiceover Products: Show jokes about pairing her Southern accent with sausage, biscuits, and cleaning products.
• Pixar Aspirations: Leanne wants to play an old hen or “a wise cow with this accent” (29:58)
• First Stand-Up Gig: Emceed a Kiwanis event in Tennessee post-childbirth, and was “dazzled” into doing a full hour for her standup debut (30:53).
• New Special: Discusses being “prettier in this one” and using new Apple Watch bits in her act (32:38).

7. Jamie Lisso, Fitness, And Marlin Tales (33:55–38:03)

• Comedy Roots in Radio: Jamie shares his fitness journey and training.
• Incredible Marlin Catch: Stories about catching a 650-pound marlin off Oahu, spawning riffs on eating marlin and the spirit of generational fishing (34:26).
• Names: Hawaiian names and the story of an ID too long to fit on a driver's license (36:10).

8. World Conker Championships & Silly Sports (38:16–41:02)

• British children’s games—using horse chestnut seeds (“conkers”) to break each other’s nuts—lead to jokes about climate change causing smaller conkers and riffs about Sammy Davis Jr. and Christmas Eve at Andy Dick’s house.

9. Senior Sex & The House of Pancakes (41:44–54:12)

• Dating after 50: Debates on what age “senior” should mean, AARP, and date my age apps trigger musings on “Golden Corral discounts.”
  • “I do not like going to a movie and having the clerk go, would you like the senior discount? Of course not. Look at me. I’m a healthy man.” – Bob Kevoian (43:09)
• Older Americans & Sex: Survey shows many find sex more fulfilling with age (44:15); discussion of rising STIs thanks to drugs (Viagra) and non-use of condoms at The Villages.
  • “I’m harder than folding a fitted sheet.” – Josh Arnold (46:52)
• Pregnancy at advanced ages (Charlie Chaplin). Debate on insult thresholds—how much money it would take to leave a partner ($1 million), or live off the grid.

10. The Electric Amish – Live Musical Performance (54:58–73:14)

• Band Introduction: “I can smell the horses from here.” – Bob Kevoian (55:07)
• Classic Amish Parodies: Three musical numbers with comic lyrics about Amish life, farming (e.g., “We Are an Amish Band,” “I Want to Hoe Your Land,” “No More Amish Nice Guy”) laced with band in-jokes and faux-Amish observation:
  • “My buzzer’s pulling the plow. I bought him a car, a fuselage, and a cow.” – Electric Amish (59:21)
• Q&A on Amish Culture: Discussions of “ax” (guitar), lanterns, buggy drag races, pocket watches vs. Apple watches, and farming by hand.
• Satirical Wordplay: Repeated goofs on biblical spelling (“Ain’t no K’s in the Bible”).

11. Comedians Gracie Cannon & Milana Vayntrub (73:48–83:51)

• Radio Culture: “You guys are such a sweet group of weirdos.” – Gracie Cannon (73:55)
• Drug Jokes: Joking about microdosing, mushrooms, and the modern culture of creative/therapeutic drug use among adult parents.
• Social Media & Fame: Milana invites “virtual fights” for engagement, and discusses her “Only Philanthropy” project—raising money with exclusive Polaroids, and the internet hate machine’s clickbait dynamics.
  • “You can only degrade yourself if you’re going against your own morals and values...” – Milana Vayntrub (81:29)

12. Jess Hooker’s Hair, Cannabis Slang, and Roller Bags (84:30–94:43)

• Rolling Luggage Revelation: Tom Griswold discovers four-wheeled luggage, to much ridicule.
  • “You sweet, sweet man. I’m really excited for you.” – Bob Kevoian (87:40)
• Cannabis “Bogarting”: Debates whether “Don’t Bogart that joint” still resonates with younger generations, and the search for updated stoner slang.
  • “Does one still Bogart?” – Bob Kevoian (89:13)

13. Mark Shalafu, Comedy about Kids and Names (95:32–104:12)

• Family Life: Stories about coaching kid’s sports teams with odd sponsor names, the realities of being a third child, and naming conventions.
  • “Madison, Emma, Chloe. By the time we got to the third...we just went with the weird Kardashian and we got a Chloe.” – Mark Shalafu (102:41)
• French Name Origins: Discovers that “Shalafu” means ‘bald man’ in French.

14. Bedwetting Blues & More Music with Duke Tomato (112:38–127:08)

• Duke Tomato & The Power Trio: Several live numbers, including “What Do You Want Me to Do About It?” referencing global woes, and a bluesy “Nocturnal Enuresis” song about childhood bedwetting.
  • “I got the nocturnal enuresis, you know I do...It’s a bummer when you’re nine, and I’m undateable at 52.” – Pat Godwin & Duke Tomato (124:47, 126:44)

15. Father & Son: Oliver and Jimmy Pardo (127:56–140:05)

• Oliver and Jimmy riff on the perils of theater costumes (“Don’t get too attached to any pair of pants”), cross-generational music references (KISS army, Guitar Hero), and candy rivalries (Good & Plenty vs Almond Joy).
  • “My son is taller than me. Okay. That’s what we open with?” – Jimmy Pardo, teasing Bob (128:21)
  • “If you think my references are old, get a load of this next guy.” – Oliver Pardo, about his dad’s stand-up (135:08)

16. John Heffron: Aging, Eye Problems, & Laundry Rant (142:39–155:54)

• John shares battles with contacts and glasses, positional vertigo, and generational differences in washer and dryer durability.
  • “Washer and dryers now are coddled. You listening? You probably have your washer and dryer...with a sign that says laundry and suds 5 cents.” – John Heffron (149:01)
• On childhood: playing with mercury, and always learning new household hazards from parents.

17. Jim Gaffigan – Phone Interview on Bourbon & Stand-up (158:32–168:07)

• Jim talks about his debut bourbon, “Father Time,” a tribute to his grandfather, and the bourbon obsession among “out of shape old guys with beards.”
  • “If you’re over 30, out of shape with a beard, and you don’t drink bourbon...you’re kind of a fraud.” – Jim Gaffigan (161:15)
• Family updates: five kids, the oldest turning 21.
  • “My only goal now is to leave them with nothing. That’s right: I want to make them pay for my casket.” – Jim Gaffigan (165:41)
• Thoughts on acting vs standup: acting is all rejection. Biopic casting dreams: “I feel like any, you know, large-headed Irishman I could probably...portray Tip O’Neill.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "What a wild show. If you haven’t learned something, you might want to get tested." – Bob Kevoian, encapsulating the show’s riotous tone.
• “I’m the matchbox twenty of comedy...people enjoy me, but you can’t describe me afterwards.” – John Heffron (147:48)
• “Hard of hearing? Take Viagra. Talk about hard of hearing.” – Bob, then Pat Godwin, with a bluesy Viagra song (109:02)
• “You’re about to be Channing.” – Christy Lee to Josh, joking about Stalker Channing (86:24)
• “Does one still Bogart?” – Bob, wondering about weed slang’s longevity (89:13)

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Important Musical Performances (Timestamps)

• Electric Amish – “We Are an Amish Band”: (58:24)
• Electric Amish – “I Want to Hoe Your Land”: (62:47)
• Electric Amish – “No More Amish Nice Guy”: (70:16)
• Duke Tomato – “What Do You Want Me to Do About It?”: (112:38)
• Duke Tomato – “Have You Here (By My Side)”: (120:03)
• Bedwetting Blues: (124:07)

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Structure & Tone

The show bounces seamlessly between:

• Structured Interviews: Guest comics provide career insights, origin stories, and play into the panel’s banter.
• Topical Comedy: The latest stats on senior sex, STDs, dating apps, and pop culture with snark and sincerity.
• Music: Regular and guest performers offer both straight and comic songs.
• Spontaneous Moments: Frequent sidetracks—like Tom’s newfound love of roller luggage—become extended bits.

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If You Missed This Episode…

You missed a mash-up of holiday absurdity, nostalgia-tinged stand-up, unusual musical numbers, and a parade of funny people riffing on America, aging, family, and everything weird and wonderful in between. The show is at once affectionate and subversive, peppered with inside jokes and tangents that move as quickly as the hosts’ minds. Whether regular or new, you’re guaranteed laughs and maybe a few things to Google.

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For full segments, interviews, and song performances, refer to the following timestamps:

• Independence Day Skit: 00:17–03:12
• Lewis Black Interview: 13:50–24:17
• Leanne Morgan Segment: 24:17–33:20
• Electric Amish Performances: 54:58–73:14
• Duke Tomato & Crew: 112:38–127:08
• John Heffron Interview: 142:39–155:54
• Jim Gaffigan Interview: 158:32–168:07

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The BOB & TOM Show: Still a rollicking, reliably irreverent way to spend your morning.

Transcript

[Tom Griswold]

Foreign. It's the Bob and Tom Show.

[Bob Kevoian]

Pamela Anderson, the distinguished actress formerly of Baywatch, has chosen to do a public service announcement.

[Tom Griswold]

Good morning, Pamela.

[Oliver Pardo]

Thanks for coming by.

[Gracie Cannon]

Good morning, Larry.

[Tom Griswold]

It's Harry.

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh, I bet it is.

[Oliver Pardo]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Now listen, I understand that you're here today to record a public service announcement. You're gonna tell America what Independence Day means to you. Is that right?

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh, no, there must be some sort of mistake.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm here to talk about the Fourth of July. Pam, Independence Day is the fourth of July.

[Gracie Cannon]

Whoa, what a coincidence. Is that because it's like a leap year or something?

[Christopher]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Never mind.

[Oliver Pardo]

Listen, before we get started, tell me,

[Tom Griswold]

have you ever been in a recording studio before?

[Gracie Cannon]

Sure, lots of times. I met my ex husband, Tommy in a recording studio. He took me around, showed me the amplifiers, the microphones, the tape machines. Then I gave him a.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, well, tell you what, let's just go ahead and get started here. First you'll need to put on headphones. Oh, oh, like this?

[Oliver Pardo]

Yeah, that's great.

[Tom Griswold]

Now, right in front of you is a microphone. And I think you know what that's for, Pamela. Pam, I think we'll be able to hear you better if you take the microphone out of your mouth. Oh, I'm sorry.

[Gracie Cannon]

I really miss Tommy.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, great. I think we're ready to go. All right, cue the music. All right, Independence Day tribute, written and recited by Pamela Anderson.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Take one.

[Gracie Cannon]

Like. Hi, everyone. Well, it's that time of year again. Time to celebrate the most important day in American history. July 4, 1492. The day when our forefathers, at least I think there were four, came over on the main floor and discovered America. And then the British tried to raise

[Tom Griswold]

our income taxes, and when we wouldn't

[Gracie Cannon]

pay, they attacked Pearl Harbor. Well, when Abraham Lincoln heard about it,

[Tom Griswold]

he freed the slaves and forced them

[Gracie Cannon]

to build the Statue of Liberty. Then they all sat in a big room and signed the most important document in our nation's history, the Declaration of Incontinence. As you can see, they had a real busy day. Happy fourth of July, everyone.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, that's a wrap there, Pamela. Thanks.

[Gracie Cannon]

Thank you, Barry. Hey, how would you like to play with my big.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, sure, I'd love to.

[Leanne Morgan]

Great.

[Gracie Cannon]

I'll run home and get them.

[Oliver Pardo]

Thanks a lot.

[Tom Griswold]

That's wrapped. Good morning. Hello.

[Christy Lee]

From coast to coast, it's the mom and Tom Show. Many portions of the upcoming program have

[Josh Arnold]

been pre recorded, meaning they've already happened

[Christy Lee]

and they're about to happen again. So where was I?

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, we're glad to have you here. It's the Bob and Tom Show.

[Bob Kevoian]

Joining us, Mr.

[Christopher]

Studio.

[Bob Kevoian]

Batgirl.

[Tom Griswold]

That's right. I used to be a star back

[Oliver Pardo]

in the day,

[Tom Griswold]

but I'm long in the tooth now.

[Josh Arnold]

Were you considered a star? I thought it was more of a porn character actor.

[Tom Griswold]

I would come in the little shtick. I was the comic relief.

[Bob Kevoian]

And that's a point that's always bugged me. It's always porn star. Yeah, they never. The journeyman porno people are never really recognized. I have a question.

[Josh]

Is that what you're looking for?

[Christy Lee]

Where's the cl.

[Josh Arnold]

I bet that's a category.

[Josh]

What is the supporting act, Howard.

[Christy Lee]

Of the adult cinema world.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes, I'm looking it up. If they have. If the avians have a best supporting.

[Josh]

What do you support? Do you hold things up? What do you do?

[Josh Arnold]

Fluffing.

[Kelly Colette]

Do they.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do they have a technical awards like cinematography, but it's probably like the other

[Josh Arnold]

award shows where they happen like a month before at some smaller ballroom.

[Christy Lee]

I bet.

[Josh]

So, yeah, Best sound editing. All that.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, Best boy. But they have that one.

[Tom Griswold]

Is Ron Jeremy considered a character, kind of porn guy or a star?

[Bob Kevoian]

He's considered a porn star, I think.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Star.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, he. Big trouble, right?

[Christopher]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

Navy. An award for best supporting actress and actor.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, well, by an insult, I'm curious who.

[Christy Lee]

Who won it last year?

[Bob Kevoian]

Do they have the equivalent of the thalberg?

[Josh Arnold]

As of January 2025, the title holder is Chanel Cameron. Oh, I am not. But here. Wikipedia has the whole. The whole list here.

[Gracie Cannon]

The whole.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, Unfortunate. Oh, Medina Hartley's a two time winner.

[Josh]

Nina Hartley, she's a star. She's not.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, but in this case she was supporting.

[Tom Griswold]

What?

[Josh]

Maybe that was in her later years.

[Josh Arnold]

And it has title. It has the titles of the films they were in there.

[Christy Lee]

Well, I'm on Chanel Cameron's Instagram. Apparently she has trouble putting her clothes on.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, she.

[Christy Lee]

She cannot find a pair of shorts that fit her.

[Tom Griswold]

No, that's really.

[Gracie Cannon]

It's so hard out here.

[Christopher]

I bet.

[Josh Arnold]

I bet.

[Bob Kevoian]

Small, problematic.

[Christy Lee]

She's struggling.

[Josh]

Is she okay?

[Gracie Cannon]

Oops, it's my screensaver now.

[Josh Arnold]

You guys remember Stormy Daniels, right? Yes, she is best supporting actress 2006 for a film called Camp Cuddly Pines Power Tool Massacre.

[Bob Kevoian]

A lot going on there.

[Christy Lee]

Isn't that something?

[Bob Kevoian]

There's a lot happening.

[Tom Griswold]

Have you not seen that one?

[Josh]

That sounds like right up your alley.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, I like the horror films. Yeah, I don't know that I like my porn and horror mix.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, thank you.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let's just move forward. We'll meet Kelly Collette once again. Dog owner. Boyfriendish. What do we call him again? What was it again?

[Gracie Cannon]

Situation. Y.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay. Okay.

[Gracie Cannon]

I recently just started watching porn, by the way.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, really?

[Gracie Cannon]

Just recently. And I. The other day, I accidentally. Well, I took a screenshot of it.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

Do you ever do that?

[Tom Griswold]

I have an accident.

[Josh Arnold]

You accidentally took a screenshot?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Do you ever try to turn your

[Gracie Cannon]

volume well, yeah, yeah. Do you ever do that and you have to walk around with this thing that you hope people don't look at your photos on?

[Josh Arnold]

I have not.

[Gracie Cannon]

Okay. No, I've done it on purpose too. I took a screenshot of a porn one time, but not for the reason you think. You think you would do it because it's, like, hot and you want to, like, recreate it. I took a screenshot of porn once because I liked the girl's makeup. And I was like, I'm gonna try that.

[Josh]

Right?

[Gracie Cannon]

But I'm, like, really bad at doing my own makeup, which means, like, I'm gonna have to bring this screenshot to a Sephora just until I find a girl. And I'm like, can you do this to me? She just, like, puts her balls on my face or whatever, you know, so whoever did that.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

So I'm learning a lot about myself

[Bob Kevoian]

too recently in a much different way. I'll be bored at a movie and I'll be looking. I'll go look at those kitchen cabinets.

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh, my gosh. I do that too.

[Bob Kevoian]

Or. Or just instead of. This movie is so boring. But wait a minute. That's a cool car you come away with. You kind of wish there was a thing you could get the end of the movie. You could. You could go to the website and find out more about the kitchen cabinets.

[Christy Lee]

You know, they do have that. They have that in mainstream, if you will cinema. They. You can. I like. What shirt is that guy wearing? What are those shoes? What kind of car is that?

[Josh Arnold]

Is it an app?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Oh, I forget what the name.

[Bob Kevoian]

I need to know.

[Gracie Cannon]

They have a website too. It's called as worn on tv so you can see what people are wearing.

[Josh Arnold]

I get a lot of house envied during Hallmark movie season.

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh, the kitchens.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, all those.

[Josh Arnold]

They're incredible.

[Gracie Cannon]

Yeah. And they're always like people who are like, oh, I'm just a. A poet. And you have like a multi million dollar mansion and you're like, gorgeous.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, it's like those Woody Allen movies where no one seems to have A job, but they're all loaded.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Living in great apartments in New York. Once again, we're talking with Kelly Colette, comedian. Let's see, what else do we need to know about you? You are originally from Cincinnati, Ohio?

[Kelly Colette]

Yes.

[Gracie Cannon]

Born and raised. Yep.

[Bob Kevoian]

And let's see. College.

[Gracie Cannon]

I did. I did it. I went to college.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you graduate?

[Gracie Cannon]

I have a bachelor's degree in public relations. And that was, like, right before, like, Instagram came out. So now everything's totally different. Like, we used to, like, learn how to send out press releases by, like, typing a paragraph with, like, the ampersands at the bottom. And now they're just, like. Just have Wendy's tweet an opinion or whatever. So it's very. It's very different now.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know your background. Parents. Religious.

[Gracie Cannon]

Not super religious. Now I'm starting to get into religion, and the one I've chosen to get into is just crystals. Do you guys know those girls? I'm not religious. I'm spiritual. I go to the rock shops, and I go to try to pick out my new feelings. And I went to one in Texas once, and the guy was walking around, and he was like, I've noticed you've been lingering around the protection stones. Is there something you feel you need protecting from? And I was like, yeah, myself. I'm about to spend $50 on a rock. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Am I fired? What does that do? Sorry.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, a lot happens behind the scenes.

[Gracie Cannon]

My heart is racing so hard right

[Bob Kevoian]

now with this relig. Is that part of the prayers? Okay.

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh, my God. Can't take me anywhere.

[Bob Kevoian]

Kelly, collect with my dog. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Now, save those words for your boyfriend

[Josh]

who's real big, and I'm not trying to ruin your premise, but Jennifer Aniston. I just read a huge article on her in Vanity Fair, and, yes, she's got.

[Gracie Cannon]

I would not have.

[Josh]

She's got, like, big amethyst on her coffee table, and she's got crystals and stones all around.

[Gracie Cannon]

I know they're supposed to do stuff. I don't know how to turn them on.

[Bob Kevoian]

Made her sterile.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, geez. I don't. I think she. I don't think she was.

[Christy Lee]

No, she just has too much money. I think it was that one.

[Gracie Cannon]

I think Take a Word Away should be that one.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, that did. That hit strong.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm trying to. Jennifer Aniston offset the previous.

[Josh Arnold]

All the world was rooting for her to have a kid.

[Tom Griswold]

You just lost a friend.

[Christy Lee]

I'd be like Nightline. We're in this ninth month or the tenth month of her not having a baby.

[Josh]

I love her. Morning show's back on, too.

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh, that's such a good one. Her race is really good in that one, too.

[Josh]

Both of them are great. She's wonderful.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, Rachel and Jill are the same.

[Gracie Cannon]

Isn't that crazy?

[Tom Griswold]

I'm surprised you know that.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm a big fan.

[Gracie Cannon]

Who's the other one?

[Josh Arnold]

It's Christina Applegate. And she is. This will come to me because I just recently watched an episode where she kept. She wanted to be the godmother of Emma. And I want to say it's.

[Mark Shalafu]

I'm lost.

[Josh Arnold]

It is Amy. Thank you. Yes, Amy. Yeah, she's hilarious.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, well, that's nice to know.

[Kelly Colette]

Let's check in.

[Gracie Cannon]

We're doing trivia right now.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let's check in.

[Christopher]

Hey, good morning and welcome to the Best of the Bob and Tom show here on your Friday. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Coming up on the show today, Jim Gaffigan plus Oliver and Jimmy Pardo, Mark Shalafu and the Electric Amish. But coming up next, comedian Lewis Black and Lee Ann Morgan. Coming up next here on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Tom Griswold]

Bob and Tom.

[Gracie Cannon]

Hey, it's Ali.

[Bob Kevoian]

And today at 12:20, I've got a

[Gracie Cannon]

60 minute commercial free rock block. A full hour of commercial free rock right in the middle of your workday.

[Tom Griswold]

On Q95, Jim Rome takes on sports.

[Bob Kevoian]

I will always have a complicated relationship with this game, but people evolve. So do sports. Do not make me regret this. Do not make me devolve back to that guy that so many clones wish that I still was. And do not embarrass the entire country. Now I can go back. I can get there fast. Lose tonight and you got a real problem. Do not blow it.

[Tom Griswold]

The Jim Rome show podcast.

[Bob Kevoian]

You've been warned.

[Tom Griswold]

Follow and listen on your favorite platform.

[Christopher]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom show here on this Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Don't forget the Bob and Tom Pop up stores now open. This is a limited time chance to get your Bob and Tom stuff. T shirts, sweatshirts. It's great stuff. All the orders have to be in by next Sunday, July 12th. You got a camper cap, a baseball cap, a Pat Godwin black T shirt. Check it out. The Bob and Tom Pop up store now open. Here's a segment on your Friday morning with comedian Lewis Black and Leanne Morgan.

[Christy Lee]

Tom, we have a very special guest

[Bob Kevoian]

and we're treating him right by ignoring him.

[Josh Arnold]

We'll Talk with them now.

[Bob Kevoian]

We just spent 20 minutes talking about Arnold Stain doing voiceovers, I guess I should say, Mr. Mr. Lewis Black, who has a wonderful speaking voice, famous for Inside out, the Pixar movie. You did a great job with that. Do you do any voiceover commercials anymore?

[Kelly Colette]

No, because they don't realize the power that I have.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Would you. If you could match yourself up with a particular product, anything come to mind that would be.

[Kelly Colette]

Wow. Booze.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you drink much?

[Kelly Colette]

Yeah.

[Christopher]

What.

[Bob Kevoian]

What brand? What flavor?

[Kelly Colette]

I mean, I drink a lot of wine now.

[Oliver Pardo]

Okay.

[Kelly Colette]

Then there's tequila, and if Mezcal shows up with tequila, those are the ones I lean toward. I've been through them all. Everything.

[Bob Kevoian]

What anyone in the room want to think any particular product his voice would match up with.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, earlier he was talking. I don't know if you guys noticed, but we were talking about the Chunky bar. And Lewis, you went, boy, I haven't thought about one of those. The peanuts and the raisins and the chocolate.

[Kelly Colette]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

I mean, it was. It was as though hearing a chunky commercial.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And we all tried Chunkies, and they're amazing. I've forgotten how great they were. And I'm not that much of a candy person.

[Kelly Colette]

Yeah. Yeah. The. It's funny with the voiceover thing, I mean, for some reason, I mean, inside out, it happened, and I do. Like, I did a voice for Scooby Doo, and I did. I just did spongebob. Here's the breakthrough as a Jew. I am the voice of Santa. SpongeBob for the last five years.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, as you know, some of the greatest songs in the history of Christmas music written by men and women of the Jewish faith.

[Kelly Colette]

That's right.

[Bob Kevoian]

The most famous.

[Kelly Colette]

In a desperate attempt to hide,

[Bob Kevoian]

they're passing. Oh, that's great, though. But you have such a great. I would. I would think that someone would gobble you up for one of those.

[Kelly Colette]

Yeah. I was thinking. I've done some. I just. It never. It's just never happened. I don't understand it. But, you know, I've got the agent. They'll, you know, but it just doesn't occur.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, I think you're. You'd be an absolute natural. What. And you started. I know you went to the Yale Drama School and you were a playwright. What was the first time you got up and tried to do stand up?

[Josh Arnold]

Do you remember?

[Kelly Colette]

Oh, Yeah. I was 21, 22. I was a. There's a room in. I was going to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. I was going into an extra year there as a. They'd given me a writing fellowship to stay on. And I went that summer and performed at a place called, oddly enough, Cat's Cradle. And, uh, just opened. Friends of mine had a. Had a band and said, why don't you come in and do stand up? Because I was one of those people. It's that whole story of the. Every schmuck tells, well, boy, you know, I could do that. I go to a party, people say I'm really funny. And then you have to get on stage. So my friend said, just why don't you just try it? And I went ahead and tried it and I. It's. It's on. I taped it and might as well had somebody write it down, considering how the first minute. This is my first minute of stand up.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's good.

[Kelly Colette]

So. So was the first word. It was unbelievably. It just. It was. I was a wreck. And then this is when you kind of know you're gonna do. It is. You'll attest to you. I went back to the second week. I went back again after being just horrible. My dog got bigger laughs than I did that night. And that was. He had kind of saved me. Came up on stage as a dog might, when the dog senses that you need to be rescued. And so he came on stage and the audience went, haha. And I said, thank you.

[Bob Kevoian]

You became a playwright, did that sort of. Was that working? And then you decided I'd do stand up on the side and it took off or what happened?

[Kelly Colette]

No, it was. I was doing. I just was doing it as a way to get my writing out there. Because you send a play in to a theater and then you can wait a year and a half for them to actually get back to you. You would prefer anyone out there who wants to be a playwright put the play in a bottle and take the bottle down to whatever body of water's

[Tom Griswold]

nearby and throw it in.

[Kelly Colette]

And I guarantee when someone finds it, that play will be read faster than if it's sent to an American. So I would wander in. I was kind of fascinated by stand up, you know, I just was. I'd watched a ton of it on the Ed Sullivan Show. I mean, once a week there was somebody and they were all different. They were all kind of fun in their own way. And I kept on, how do they do this? So I was kind of fascinated with the process. I didn't think I'd end up doing it at all.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you. Did you have a record? You played over and over again as a kid.

[Kelly Colette]

I mean I played Carlin and I played, I played. This is Nichols and May, of all people.

[Bob Kevoian]

I, I played, I played why is there Air? Bill Cosby.

[Kelly Colette]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

And Robert Klein. Child of the 50s was my favorite.

[Christy Lee]

We were just talking about Nichols and May the other day. Yeah. Down the hallway.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's if you. That's a great book.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

The Mike Nichols and then.

[Kelly Colette]

And then there's a played, you know, New heart. Shelly Berman.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh yeah.

[Kelly Colette]

Those two, oddly enough had a, A big effect because they told stories, you know, they were storytellers.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let me ask you, when you were a kid, you would have been probably, I don't know, maybe sixth, seventh grade. Did you get the album the First Family with.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Vaughn Meter.

[Kelly Colette]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

That was the first million selling album.

[Kelly Colette]

Yeah. And the first time I knew that somebody's career was over. Second thought I had.

[Bob Kevoian]

He did a great, great John Kennedy.

[Kelly Colette]

Wow. It was. And it was brilliant.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Kelly Colette]

Again, it was brilliantly done. And then boom.

[Bob Kevoian]

For a long time that was the largest selling comedy album in history.

[Kelly Colette]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

We're speaking with Lewis Black, who is a terrific comedian and actor. What's anything coming up of interest? You got any new projects you want to talk about?

[Kelly Colette]

Nah, nothing.

[Bob Kevoian]

This agent of yours got to get you some gigs.

[Kelly Colette]

Well, no, I got. I do a thing called a rant cast. And what I do is, is I've been doing it for quite a while and I will be. I read rants that other people write and I'm like, I come on at the beginning and talk about whatever is bothering me and go for a little bit, 15 minutes and then I read whatever they're, whatever they're upset about. And it can be everything. Some. I mean the extraordinary thing is how angry Americans are about peanut butter. I've got about eight of those. Somebody gets a jar, he thinks it's going to be smooth and it's chunky. He wrote literally a seven minute soliloquy.

[Bob Kevoian]

I can't say I blame him. I hate the chunky.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Can't he read a label?

[Kelly Colette]

Yeah, but no, it was smooth. It was.

[Christy Lee]

Every now and then I said it

[Kelly Colette]

was smooth and it was chunky. So he completely melted down. It went to his. Started writing this thing. To me there's, there are people that. 22 different ideas about pickles. I mean it's amazing what, you know, but. And then the, the CBS and the Walgreens, when they hand you, you know, you bought two things and they hand you the 12 foot scroll.

[Gracie Cannon]

Sure.

[Kelly Colette]

You know, it's like they came down, you know, that God came down and said, look at all the free stuff you can get. And, and, and it's, you know, somebody wrote about that. You know, it's, you know, it's, it's, it's kind of amazing.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do a rant. Do you, for example, right now you're on broadcast radio. Do you have to be careful not to slip? Do you have like a limit of curse words that you think to me I found it like with satellite radio. Some of these guys, oh, they can curse and so they curse constantly and it loses all of its power.

[Kelly Colette]

No, I mean I just use it, I use those words and the, the big word, the one that is just going to destroy us all. Because every time I've said it, a child will run to the screen on the TV and actually try to kill themselves. You know that, that I use that word at times. I realized early on that I was using it to think of what it was I was going to say next. It was kind of my pause.

[Christy Lee]

Oh.

[Kelly Colette]

And then. But also it fed into the, the thing that I'm funny because I'm angry. So what's the word you're going to use?

[Josh]

Yeah, good point.

[Bob Kevoian]

Lewis Black is our guest, distinguished stand up comedian and podcaster and author. And have you written a play lately?

[Kelly Colette]

I wrote one. I'm actually working, starting to work on one. Part of the reason I'm kind of doing a lot less shows than I'd done. I've kind of quit the touring. I was doing 150 shows a year. And part of the reason. So I can, I wanna, I'm trying to write, which I don't know if it'll ever come to be, is a. My version of Our Town. Yeah. So I'm trying to do that. And I had one. I had a play that could not. I kept doing it and it was, they thought it was going to be on Broadway. They thought it was going to be here. And then once I hit it as a comic, they said, oh, you've got that play. And I rewrote it and rewrote it and that was eventually published and a number of the other plays were published, but I had to become a comic to get the plays published, which would give you an idea of just how wonderful the American theater is.

[Bob Kevoian]

Were people on roller skates or wearing cat costumes?

[Kelly Colette]

Yeah, I wish.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, I think we're gonna switch gears here, I believe. Oh, there we go. Oh, wow. How can you be getting younger? What is the secret? We have Leanne Morgan joining Us on the big screen, more gorgeous than ever.

[Leanne Morgan]

Oh, you doll. Honey. Thank you. I needed to hear that.

[Bob Kevoian]

And now your voice just adds to it. Your hair looks great. I hope. Is there someone in the background that did your hair for you or is this the honey?

[Leanne Morgan]

This is. I had grandbabies spend the night. Everybody was crying this morning. That's what this hairdo is.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Leanne Morgan]

I fixed some sausage.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, good, good. We had a quiz.

[Christy Lee]

I'd like you to love sausage. Don't you like sausage?

[Bob Kevoian]

What is your limit on if a guest comes to your home? This was a statistical survey that we read. How. What is the maximum number of days before you want them to leave?

[Leanne Morgan]

I'd say two or three. Y', all. My nerves are shot. I think I didn't always feel that way, but I think as I get older, I mean, like three days.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah. The national stat was what, Christy? Was it six days?

[Gracie Cannon]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's way too long.

[Josh Arnold]

And then longer for, you know, kids.

[Josh]

Ten days or parents. Eight days now for.

[Bob Kevoian]

For grandbabies. What is it?

[Leanne Morgan]

Never. They can stay with me for the

[Bob Kevoian]

rest of their lives. That's what I thought your answer was going to be. Well, very good. Leanne Morgan is a distinguished actress, comedian, Netflix renewed.

[Christy Lee]

Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Am I right about this?

[Leanne Morgan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, good.

[Josh Arnold]

You better be.

[Kelly Colette]

If not.

[Bob Kevoian]

If not. Well, Tom said it was okay.

[Leanne Morgan]

Blue is black. Hello, my darling. I'm a huge fan. We've never gotten to meet.

[Kelly Colette]

No, we haven't. And it's wrong.

[Leanne Morgan]

I know. Little Kathleen Madden.

[Kelly Colette]

I know you do.

[Leanne Morgan]

I know everybody that knows you. So I'm so tickled to see you, my darling.

[Kelly Colette]

Great to see you.

[Josh Arnold]

We've already been pitching a movie where you two are married and kind of on the outs but wanting to stay together.

[Christy Lee]

And War of the Roses? They just came out with that one. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Sort of the out of towners type situation.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Leanne Morgan]

But we get to make out.

[Bob Kevoian]

Absolutely.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, that's a hard R.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah. Naughty.

[Bob Kevoian]

He's a very handsome man. Now, we were actually pitching Mr. Lewis Black among as many credentials. He is the voice in a great Pixar movie.

[Josh Arnold]

But two.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, there was a sequel. Has anybody ever pitched you for a commercial for tv to be the voiceover gal because you have a beautiful voice.

[Leanne Morgan]

Oh, you angel. They pitched me for it. I've never gotten it.

[Bob Kevoian]

What is going on?

[Josh Arnold]

You will. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now what?

[Josh Arnold]

Let's.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let's just pretend we are working with the great Leanne Morgan. We want to pitch her. What product Christy Lee should she be pitching?

[Josh]

Oh, boy. Probably. Maybe, like she said, sausage. Like biscuits or sausage or something. Yes, home. Like a home cooking thing. Like that would be fun.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, okay.

[Leanne Morgan]

But let me tell y', all, I have gotten offers to do the shingles vaccine.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, that's.

[Kelly Colette]

By the way.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's a really important thing to get.

[Josh Arnold]

By the way.

[Leanne Morgan]

I've gotten it and had to take to the band for four days. That is a nightmare.

[Bob Kevoian]

A public service. My dad had polio and it was in an iron lung during World War II.

[Christopher]

He.

[Bob Kevoian]

When he had shingles, he said it was worse. So you don't want to get. You don't want to get shingles?

[Leanne Morgan]

Honey, I've had shingles three times, boys. I hate to say that. All these good looking men, I've had them once. I've had them three times. But this last time, my shingles vaccine, I think tampered it down a little bit.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, good.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, well, I had it.

[Kelly Colette]

I had both shots because this is the one I had the first time. And they came out with one shot. I got that. And then within two, two to three years, I got shingles after getting the shot. Then they came up with the two shots. Be sure you get the second one.

[Tom Griswold]

And then I got it again. It's unbelievable.

[Christy Lee]

Our next guest.

[Bob Kevoian]

Our next guest, RFK junior.

[Leanne Morgan]

I know. They tell me, isn't it crazy? I thought I'd never get it again. They go, oh, no. That vaccine doesn't keep you from getting it.

[Bob Kevoian]

It just makes it go.

[Oliver Pardo]

Yeah, okay.

[Leanne Morgan]

Yeah. It just goes less, I think. Chuck Morgan, my husband, still trying to make out with me and touch me. Of course, with the shingles, He's a man. He will not leave me alone.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm trying to like a lot of commercials now for plaintiffs lawyers. Either of these guys could do. They could be good for that.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Have you been in an accident, Lewis? You're hostile enough. Yeah, you could say any. All the. All the rest of the lawyers are no good, but you got to go to my guy.

[Kelly Colette]

Yeah, no, that I could do.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that'd be good.

[Leanne Morgan]

Yeah.

[Kelly Colette]

I should be a lawyer. Yes, and just without. And without any law degree. Just go in there and tell.

[Bob Kevoian]

By the way, Kim Kardashian flunked the bar exam again.

[Josh]

Yeah, she did.

[Bob Kevoian]

She's not going to be one of your clients.

[Tom Griswold]

Let's get back.

[Bob Kevoian]

Leanne. We should think of a better product for you. Josh, do you have an idea for her?

[Josh]

I mean.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I don't. Yeah, maybe anything. Household your brawny your.

[Josh]

Because women trust her and believe in exactly yeah, they love her. And, yeah, y'.

[Oliver Pardo]

All.

[Leanne Morgan]

You would think I'd be rolling in it. You doing something for Time Detergent?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

It's only a matter.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Kelly Colette]

Yeah. Well, you know, you got to look more like Peyton Manning. Irritates me more.

[Bob Kevoian]

He's in every. I saw. I was watching it yesterday.

[Kelly Colette]

He's in every ad, you know, and you. I mean, really, literally, you. You'll. They'll come your way, but it's. You know. And then you'll go, really? That's what you want me to do? And then you'll say. And then they'll show you a check. You go, yeah, sure.

[Leanne Morgan]

I do want to be in a Pixar movie. And I think that I could play like an old hen in the barn,

[Tom Griswold]

you know, or a little.

[Leanne Morgan]

A wise cow. A wise cow with this accent, you

[Bob Kevoian]

know, I think you're nailing it.

[Tom Griswold]

That would be great.

[Bob Kevoian]

We asked the same question of Mr. Lewis Black. Do you recall your first experience on stage A and B? The first time a joke worked? And it may have not been the first time. It may have been, yeah.

[Leanne Morgan]

Y', all, I have an untraditional path. I was in Morristown, Tennessee, having had three babies, and somebody in my Sunday school class asked me to emcee the Kiwanis Capers, and I did, and I'm dazzled. And so a little man that owned a coffee shop and, like, made sandwiches and sold beer said, we've had bands. Will you get up and do comedy? And I was like, sure. And he said, can you do an hour? And I was like, yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Wow.

[Leanne Morgan]

I got up and did an hour, and I still wake up with. With sweats in the middle of the night. Think. Because I know somebody filmed it, y', all, and it had to have sucked. But I did get a few laughs. But it was probably shocking stuff. I mean, I don't even know. I probably talked about birthing. I don't. I mean, I was grasping and pulling stuff out of my butt. But that was the first time I did 45 minutes to an hour, the first time I ever got on stage, which is stupid.

[Tom Griswold]

Did you do.

[Kelly Colette]

Did you do that after you did that? Did you go back and then do it again long sets? Or did you then.

[Leanne Morgan]

No, then I went. Then I. We moved to San Antonio, Texas, and then I did open mic one time, and then I got moved up to, you know, opener, and then I. You know, and I was going back and forth to Austin Cap City Comedy Club, and then it was normal. I was normal comic, you know, But Yeah, but I had a bunch of little babies, Louis. And I was getting up on stage anywhere anybody would let me. In Morristown, Tennessee, which was like the Rotary Club, you know. How was that?

[Bob Kevoian]

It was the launch. It was the launch pad. We're speaking with Leanne Morgan. Also hanging out with Lewis Black, two great comedians. Leanne, once again tell us the short version of the new special. What's going on?

[Leanne Morgan]

Oh, my darling. Well, you know, everybody says I look prettier. Cause I got made a little money lately. So I want everybody to know I'm prettier in this one. My breasts. My breasts are not as mam. Oish.

[Tom Griswold]

Can I say that?

[Mark Shalafu]

All right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Leanne, you do look lovely. And your watch is larger than your arm. That is one.

[Leanne Morgan]

Oh, my Lord, y'. All. Yeah. I don't know if I like this, but I do love my Apple watch. And I talk about it in this new hour. About how I like to ding that thing so you can find your iPhone.

[Josh]

Yes, I did that today.

[Leanne Morgan]

That's the best thing that ever happened to me.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yes, I agree.

[Bob Kevoian]

I can't wait to see the special. And Leanne, you are just so sweet and nice, and you do look wonderful. We haven't seen the studio for a while. I think she's become too big for us.

[Josh]

I think so, too.

[Leanne Morgan]

Oh, that's not true, my darling. I just wrapped a big tour, so I'm. I'm gonna be. I've got to shoot my new season of Leanne. I'll be in la, out in that, and then I'll go back on tour and I can come by and see y'.

[Jim Gaffigan]

All.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, Hellcraft services to cut it out.

[Leanne Morgan]

No more empanadas for me.

[Christopher]

Coming up next on this Friday morning, one of our favorites. He's a funny guy. Jamie Lisso is coming up in just a minute, so stand by. We'll be right back. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back to the Best of the Bob and Tom Show. On a long fourth of July weekend, this is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Funny guy stopped by the studio. One of our favorites us, it's comedian

[Bob Kevoian]

Jamie Lisso, great comedian in the studio with us. Jamie Lisso is here with us. And Jamie's a former radio guy.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Kelly Colette]

Which is.

[Bob Kevoian]

Which is fun. We just realized we met each other years ago at a. At a radio convention.

[Josh]

Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's a nerd fest.

[Tom Griswold]

I believe we.

[Christy Lee]

I believe we split a. Didn't we?

[Tom Griswold]

I thought yeah. 70, 30, though, which is weird.

[Christy Lee]

I was real sleep sleepy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is My problem now we're reviewing a couple Things with Chick McGee in the world of sport.

[Christy Lee]

Hawaiian father and son duo made a big catch over the past weekend off the island of Oahu. Michael, they call him the marlin man. Kiama and Kakayla Lee from Nanakuli reeled in a 650 pound marlin after a one and a half hour fight off the coast of Wainane or looking at on the southwest edge of Oahu. The family's love for fishing has been passed down through generations. The fishers told fishermen told reporters. Kayama began fishing with his dad at the age of 12 and continued to fish for 61 years. And this of course, as you'll see is the largest catch to date.

[Josh]

Yo.

[Christy Lee]

With his previous a record of 580 pounds which caught with his dad more than 40 years ago.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's almost. If you take that guy times three, that's how long the fish.

[Christy Lee]

650 pound marlin. Look at that thing.

[Tom Griswold]

Took him 61 years to reel that in.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, man.

[Josh]

Do we eat marlins? Do we eat marlin fish?

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't know.

[Josh]

I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

I don't.

[Josh]

I think seen it on the menu anywhere.

[Christy Lee]

Oddly enough, the, the snout there is. Is delicious.

[Josh]

Is it?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. That's really delicacy.

[Christy Lee]

And it's also.

[Josh]

It's like a crab leg. You cr.

[Christy Lee]

It helps sexual prowess.

[Bob Kevoian]

Whenever I hear these Hawaiian names, I always think of the. Do you remember the news story about the woman whose name was so long they wouldn't put it on a driver's license and so she sued and this is the Hawaiian newscaster. I mean, you've got to hand it to her. This, listen, this is amazing.

[Gracie Cannon]

For the past 20 years, Janice Lokelani ke' ihana I ku kawakahi hulihe kahau na' ele has had to carry two IDs.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, she nails it.

[Josh]

Well, she's probably native Hawaiian and that's not pieced together.

[Josh Arnold]

You don't think I'm being serious? That's not.

[Christy Lee]

No, I.

[Kelly Colette]

It.

[Christy Lee]

I think I saw the video.

[Bob Kevoian]

I've seen the video.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

That's amazing.

[Christy Lee]

Here we go here right now.

[Gracie Cannon]

Past 20 years, Janice has had to carry two IDs.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Wow.

[Christy Lee]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you think you even correct someone if they say 10% of it wrong or do you just go with we were just in right where this happened. Me and my wife went on our honeymoon in Oahu. I learned something that I did not know. Aloha. I think everyone knows it means hello. And Goodbye. But the Hawaiians told me that it means hello, goodbye, and I love you. Which I was kind of cool. But I was like, I feel like that's a lot for like, for one word to do.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you know what I mean? Like, maybe they should have told pick three different. Because I was thinking like, that would have never worked with my ex wife. You know, I would have been like, aloha. And she's like, I love you too. And I'm like, oh, no, the goodbye one.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let me ask you something. Are you a fitness buff? Because you look really fit and your wife is equally fit.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, I appreciate that. I, I years ago, I worked out like crazy when I was in college. I did like, like bodybuilding competitions. And then the last 20i peloton every day. But that's kind of all I do.

[Mark Shalafu]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, when you meet. Oh, you know, I'm a fluctuator. Like, I have moments in my life when I'm in good shape and then other moments when I'm in bad shape. I've always been like that. But when I met Erica, I was in like, pretty good shape. And so I've just been pretending this whole time that I'm always in good shape.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's like this motivator.

[Tom Griswold]

She's never seen her.

[Josh]

You don't have to worry about.

[Gracie Cannon]

About it.

[Christopher]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, I don't know.

[Tom Griswold]

Let it go to seed.

[Bob Kevoian]

Be real easy for her to move on.

[Christy Lee]

What do you, what do you mean by that?

[Josh]

What do you mean, Tom?

[Bob Kevoian]

Nothing.

[Christy Lee]

Okay. The World Conquer Championships. I said conquer. C O N K E R. Okay. They are seeds of horse chestnut trees and are used in a children's game where players take turns striking each other's conquer. Until one breaks.

[Josh Arnold]

You follow one enough to.

[Josh]

Enough.

[Josh Arnold]

Pretend like I am.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

The World Conquer Championships may be in jeopardy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, no.

[Josh]

We're running out of conkers.

[Christy Lee]

After conkers dropped from trees too early this year.

[Kelly Colette]

I thought you'd love this.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is very British. And the guys wear these silly outfits and they take, they attach. It's like putting a buckeye on a string.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh.

[Christy Lee]

And they hit each other.

[Bob Kevoian]

They hit each other with them.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, wait a minute.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, they, they, you try to hit the other guy's nuts.

[Christy Lee]

Okay, wait a minute. They might have something here. I mean, according to the Beeb, Britain's hot and dry summer has put this year's World Conquer Championships in jeopardy with a series of heat waves leading to smaller than normal conkers.

[Josh Arnold]

Great. Just one more thing for Greta Thunberg to about

[Christy Lee]

and you know, when I hear conquer, I think of Sammy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sammy Davis Jr. You had that ready?

[Christy Lee]

Hang on. Here we go.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Ready?

[Christy Lee]

He really gets to it.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh my God. That's a Hawaiian's lady's last name.

[Josh Arnold]

What was this? A song he did?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. He did that on the telethon. Yep. Live on the top.

[Josh Arnold]

How about that?

[Tom Griswold]

Do you think you write lyrics like that or you recorded something like that because you forgot to write lyrics?

[Josh Arnold]

I think you feel them. I think you just feel.

[Bob Kevoian]

You have to wonder when they. When the. Do the folks that scat. Is it the same every night?

[Tom Griswold]

No, it better not be improvised.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do they have. Do they have. Do they have it on the teleprompter? I should have said a scooby when I said.

[Christy Lee]

And back to the Conquerors. Organizer Charles Wally feared they would have to cancel the Conquer event. But he is now hopeful they'll be able to source enough suitable conquers from around Britain.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

During the championships, Conquers are threaded on a string. They're then used by competitors to smash their opponents nuts.

[Bob Kevoian]

They're banging them together.

[Tom Griswold]

I heard that this year they're going to have a robot say if it hits them in the balls or not.

[Josh Arnold]

Really is a shame.

[Christy Lee]

Last year's winner put a little bow on this. 34 year old Kelsey Banshebach from Indianapolis, Indiana, USA.

[Josh]

No way.

[Christy Lee]

USA. USA.

[Bob Kevoian]

They're in the silly suits and they're having fun and they're banging their balls together. It looks like Christmas Eve at Andy Dick's house.

[Christy Lee]

There we are.

[Josh]

Okay,

[Christopher]

we're coming right back with more the Best of the Bob and Tom Show. Coming up next hour, the Electric Amish and some more comedians including Greg Hahn, who's coming up next. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show on a Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. Hope you're having a good Fourth of July long weekend here so far. The gang will be back in here live on Tuesday morning. Right now, a segment with comedian Greg Hahn. Plus senior Sex and the House of Pancakes. Let's get the latest on that.

[Bob Kevoian]

We have a guest in the studio once again, a rebound guest.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I'm hopped up on probiotics. Hey, Pat. Hey. I'm wearing homemade socks.

[Bob Kevoian]

Go ahead, by the way.

[Tom Griswold]

Darn.

[Gracie Cannon]

Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

I stand back. Comedy's coming as the flow. Is the flow over. Dare I step in?

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

We were.

[Tom Griswold]

We work in vaudeville.

[Bob Kevoian]

We have Christy Lee. I can see her. She's right there. And she is at the Silac Insurance News desk, What's happening?

[Josh]

A new survey reveals how seniors really feel about sex.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Josh]

According to a pair of polls conducted by Date My Age, a poll of adults aged 50 and older.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wait a minute, wait a minute. So this is like a Date My Age, I assume is a. Like, Internet dating for the elderly?

[Josh]

I've never heard of Date My Age, but I'm sure that's.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm assuming it's.

[Josh]

I think.

[Gracie Cannon]

Yeah, you wouldn't know.

[Josh]

Adults over. Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I've never heard it. I don't like it.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

So I don't care for it.

[Josh]

It's adults aged 50 and over.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, 50 and over 50.

[Josh]

That's not old people.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm actually. Actually, I don't mean to correct you at all, but on the website I'm on it now, it says, meet 45 plus singles.

[Josh]

Oh, there you go. So 45.

[Kelly Colette]

See?

[Bob Kevoian]

And this is what's happening in our world. It's this. This whole senior discount thing.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

We need some federal legislation to establish what a senior is, because I do not like going to a movie and having the clerk go, would you like the senior discount? Of course not. Look at. Look at me. I'm a healthy man.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm in my prime.

[Josh]

Why wouldn't you take the two bucks off?

[Tom Griswold]

I'm with you on that one.

[Christy Lee]

So you don't.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

You don't. No, you don't. You don't take advantage of all, even to save money.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's correct.

[Tom Griswold]

Two bucks. Golden Corral.

[Gracie Cannon]

The girls love it.

[Bob Kevoian]

So I did a little bit of research on this, by the way.

[Josh]

I haven't even finished it.

[Bob Kevoian]

I know, but this is.

[Tom Griswold]

How old are they?

[Christopher]

45.

[Tom Griswold]

No, thank you.

[Bob Kevoian]

On a side note, the senior discount varies dramatically from. I mean, now they're giving you AARP. When you're 25, you get that magazine in the mail.

[Josh]

It's a good magazine. You know, don't knock that. They've got some good articles.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes. Yeah.

[Josh]

Jamie Lee Curtis 1. And the current one is very interesting.

[Oliver Pardo]

Really?

[Christy Lee]

You know, she's a senior. She's over 50 at least.

[Josh Arnold]

Did she talk about being born with a winner?

[Josh]

Oh, my God.

[Christy Lee]

Had to make the decision.

[Josh]

More than half of her said their sex life is more fulfilling now than it was when they were younger.

[Josh Arnold]

You think they played the psycho theme when they cut off her.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, but we move on. Christy's

[Christy Lee]

Tony Curtis.

[Bob Kevoian]

She's trying to read the story.

[Josh Arnold]

Janet, our daughter has a.

[Christy Lee]

If you haven't heard Josh or Tony Curtis, you haven't lived.

[Josh Arnold]

Tony Curtis.

[Bob Kevoian]

See apparently with a cold.

[Tom Griswold]

That's Good.

[Christy Lee]

Tony Curtis.

[Josh]

50% of those surveyed have been told they're too old for new experiences.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, that's not true.

[Josh]

70% said society underestimates them because of their age. 45% said they do not let detractors get in the way of their good time. Good for you. Go to the villages. See, there's a lot going on down there.

[Christy Lee]

Sex.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Telling you this side of heaven or some kind of heaven or that documentary about the villages is fascinating.

[Josh]

Eye opening.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, wonderful.

[Bob Kevoian]

And this is the elderly or Getty. Get on.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, there's a. There's a lothario, if you will, who lives in a van in the parking lot. And he goes from lady to lady, lady to lady. Up in the villages.

[Gracie Cannon]

It's an entire community.

[Josh]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

You ever had, like. You ever bumped your shin and you

[Bob Kevoian]

get infection and they put you on,

[Tom Griswold]

like, doxycycline, and then you're like, oh, man, I could have caught syphilis.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I say that all the time, don't you, Josh?

[Josh]

Well, bringing.

[Tom Griswold]

That's the same medication. That old chest, or is that what you're telling people? No, I'm saying that's what you're telling.

[Josh Arnold]

No, I'm saying that's the same medication.

[Josh]

Well, I know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is it now?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, you can look it up. What's the. What's it used for?

[Tom Griswold]

And then you can read your medication.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now, is that all the syphilis or just the tertiary?

[Josh]

Speaking of which, sexually transmitted infections are skyrocketing among adults over the age of 65, according to Health experts, some factors contributing to the rise of STIs or STDs are a lack of knowledge. Older people are staying sexually active later in life, availability of new sex partners, a gender imbalance, which means there are a lot more ladies.

[Christy Lee]

All these fairies.

[Josh]

So older men.

[Christy Lee]

It's not me. Okay.

[Josh]

Older men are having multiple females.

[Bob Kevoian]

So there are more women than men. Is that.

[Josh]

Of course. Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

And they're also. They have Viagra.

[Gracie Cannon]

Right, Whatever.

[Leanne Morgan]

That's what I think.

[Gracie Cannon]

There's a lot of sex drugs you can take right now.

[Tom Griswold]

It works again.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, what the hell is this thing?

[Josh]

And of course, there's low condom use.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, it's not like. It's not like Grandma's gonna kick out another baby.

[Gracie Cannon]

According to Condom on with arthritis.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I'm harder than folding a fitted sheet.

[Josh]

According to the cdc, older men.

[Bob Kevoian]

That deserves to be savored.

[Christy Lee]

I'm. I'm

[Josh Arnold]

pretty.

[Gracie Cannon]

Well,

[Bob Kevoian]

I like the old one. I'm harder than Chinese arithmetic. Implying somehow that math would be more difficult. I guess if you don't read Mandarin.

[Josh]

Older men are seven times high. They have a seven times the rate. Let's try that.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

They're on the side of the road.

[Josh]

According to CDC data, older men had 7 times the rate of gonorrhea and 10 times the rate of syphilis compared with women. Between 2010 and 2023, chlamydia cases among seniors more than tripled. Gonorrhea increased by 600%. Syphilis, a staggering 1,000%.

[Josh Arnold]

Gonna gonorrhea. VD.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow.

[Josh]

Yep.

[Bob Kevoian]

Older men have seven times the rate of gonorrhea.

[Josh]

Yep. Than women 10 times.

[Christy Lee]

Well, what are they? How are they?

[Josh Arnold]

Maybe they're more anti symptomatic. You know what I'm saying?

[Bob Kevoian]

Maybe nobody carriers. Yeah, maybe nobody wants to teach grandpa how to put a condom on a

[Christy Lee]

banana, you know, but how are they catching gonorrhea? Why aren't the women catching the gonorrhea?

[Josh]

Because older men are having multiple. Multiple female sex partners. So they have a chance of catching something a lot greater than a woman because she's not sleeping around.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay, Weird. But yeah.

[Christy Lee]

So even in old age, women are better than men.

[Josh]

Exactly. Thank you for finally realizing.

[Bob Kevoian]

Maybe the guys. There's. These guys are so old, they figure, hey, if I get syphilis and go blind, I can't see any way to ready.

[Josh Arnold]

In fact. In fact, I'll be less picky.

[Bob Kevoian]

You don't hear about senior pregnancies going up now, do you? I think that's a factor.

[Christy Lee]

What is the oldest woman to give? Like 60 something?

[Josh]

Yeah, but I don't know if that was natural.

[Bob Kevoian]

They were just using the womb they implanted. Yeah, I don't know. I would imagine what you would. It'd be like 50ish.

[Gracie Cannon]

There's I. Yeah, yeah.

[Christy Lee]

So let me get this straight. So when babies are born, a female baby, they at that point.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Point.

[Christy Lee]

That little baby has all the eggs she'll ever have.

[Josh]

That's right.

[Tom Griswold]

Correct. Yes, yes.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Think about that.

[Josh Arnold]

And we'll continue to produce sperm, right?

[Christy Lee]

Yes, I just did right now.

[Josh Arnold]

You're making them right now.

[Christy Lee]

Well, but I mean, it's being absorbed

[Josh Arnold]

by my body and giving you essence of men. Manly. Manly.

[Christy Lee]

Making my skin creamy.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is because you've had a vasectomy.

[Christy Lee]

Yes, exactly. That's what they told me.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Anyway.

[Christy Lee]

Anyway. Yeah. Every now and then I get a runny nose, though I don't know what that's about.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, it finally, finally builds upon you.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Apparently, the oldest age for someone to conceive naturally and give birth was a Dawn brooke, who was 59 when she considered her son.

[Bob Kevoian]

Go ahead, Josh.

[Josh Arnold]

No, I'm. The questions I have are not to be asked.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

Because I saw Charlie Chaplin's son yesterday on Instagram, and he's, like, 63. Charlie was 72 when he was born.

[Christopher]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow.

[Christy Lee]

I'm looking at you, Tom. I'm looking right at you.

[Josh Arnold]

But she must have been.

[Gracie Cannon]

Yeah, probably a lot.

[Leanne Morgan]

Yeah. The right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Whatever her name was. Una.

[Christy Lee]

Una. Ooh, O, O, N a something.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that's right. Is it pronounced una or ona?

[Christy Lee]

It's una.

[Bob Kevoian]

Una. Yeah.

[Josh]

I think if you're healthy, I mean, I think I could carry a kid. I don't think I could. I mean, obviously I don't have any eggs left, but I could probably physically dom.

[Bob Kevoian]

We were both.

[Christy Lee]

We were both here with her when she had both kids. You want Chrissy to get pregnant again?

[Tom Griswold]

Sure.

[Bob Kevoian]

Chris.

[Tom Griswold]

That sounds like a.

[Bob Kevoian]

That sounds like a great idea.

[Christy Lee]

Sounds like a great idea.

[Josh Arnold]

Was she. How were your pregnancies? Were they great? Were they emotionally taxing?

[Josh]

I thought they were great.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

All right, so your co workers are saying you were.

[Josh]

I don't care.

[Tom Griswold]

See, that's her.

[Gracie Cannon]

I'm with you.

[Josh]

I loved it.

[Christy Lee]

Do you still have the. The belly?

[Josh]

I don't cast or whatever.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, somebody took plaster.

[Josh]

We did a plaster Paris cast in my stomach.

[Christy Lee]

Somebody's pregnant.

[Josh]

Didn't we do yours, too?

[Christy Lee]

Did we?

[Josh]

I thought we did your stomach as well.

[Tom Griswold]

Chick got pregnant.

[Christy Lee]

That's crazy.

[Josh]

Yeah, it was amazing between me and mine.

[Josh Arnold]

He was on 60 Minutes. That's right.

[Christy Lee]

Me and Ed Bradley. I dig that earring man.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow.

[Josh]

We've got another poll.

[Bob Kevoian]

Ed Bradley was the father.

[Christy Lee]

I'm not saying.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now we got two controversies.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, you could get free college.

[Bob Kevoian]

Boy, oh, boy.

[Josh]

A survey of 2,000 adults found nearly half of Americans would leave their romantic partner for $1 million.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow.

[Christy Lee]

After taxes.

[Josh Arnold]

And I'm sorry, what's the percentage, Christy?

[Josh]

It's actually 45, so it's nearly half.

[Gracie Cannon]

How long, though?

[Josh]

Forever, I guess.

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh. I mean, if there's a time stamp, you come back around in a couple years.

[Bob Kevoian]

So wait a minute. So someone says to you, I'm going to give you a million dollars, and you have to break off your relationship?

[Josh]

Yeah. 45Americans said they would do that.

[Kelly Colette]

I bet.

[Bob Kevoian]

I bet 44 would do it. For 50 bucks,

[Christy Lee]

I was going to say, I'll do it for 500,000.

[Josh]

60% would give up technology and live off the grid. For dollars?

[Josh Arnold]

No, For a million bucks, I'm. I mean, I'm already.

[Kelly Colette]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

I don't even know what television is. Books.

[Tom Griswold]

Books, books, books, books, book. I read books.

[Josh Arnold]

Why do you.

[Tom Griswold]

Tell us, Joshua, Tell us.

[Bob Kevoian]

You ever say to yourself, you know something? I can't wait to not go into work.

[Christy Lee]

It's bound to have happened already.

[Josh Arnold]

I would be offended if it weren't coming from lesser minds.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's my joke. You're. You're as off the grid. I guess, as many of us. I don't.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, maybe. Maybe. I'm still plenty on. And I don't fight. I mean, come on. We're all on the grid. It's not.

[Christy Lee]

Of course you're on the grid. More than you have anyway.

[Bob Kevoian]

If you get a million bucks, first thing you're gonna do is go buy a bunch of electronic stuff.

[Josh Arnold]

No, no, not me, man.

[Tom Griswold]

What are you getting with your million?

[Josh Arnold]

I'm getting a house. Sort of a secluded house of pancakes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sorry.

[Christy Lee]

Once again, remember, if Josh. If Josh has a million dollars, he's gonna buy a house of pancakes.

[Josh Arnold]

That is too funny to be mad at.

[Tom Griswold]

Tom couldn't even get it out.

[Bob Kevoian]

He couldn't get it out.

[Christy Lee]

The minute I thought of it, I couldn't.

[Josh Arnold]

Did you see how overjoyed he was?

[Tom Griswold]

He's still overjoyed.

[Christy Lee]

I can't believe he's crying.

[Josh Arnold]

Somehow manifest a team of Toms to walk in and carry that Tom out on their shoulder.

[Tom Griswold]

You left a little pause there. You just nailed it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sorry.

[Josh]

Sorry.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm sorry. If you had a million dollars, you'd buy. Buy a new house.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay, good. You think there's a fat person out there that has been severely disappointed when they went to their first house of pancakes? Well, this is just brick and mortar.

[Christy Lee]

It's not made out pancakes.

[Josh Arnold]

You're really gonna hate the crab chef.

[Bob Kevoian]

The gingerbread house was made of gingerbread. This is.

[Christopher]

We're rocking here on the Best of the Bob and Tom show for a Friday morning. Coming up next, a segment with the Electric Amish. You don't want to miss it. This is the Bob and Tom Show. It's the Best of the Bob and Tom show here for a Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Boy, you have to hurry on this. Get it in by Sunday, July 12th. The Bob and Tom pop up store is open. Your chance to get some Bob and Tom stuff like a camper cap, a baseball cap, a Pat Godwin T shirt, and the radio wood stuff as well. Check it out. The Bob and Tom Pop up store now open. Here's a segment on the best of the Bob and Tom show with the Electric Amish.

[Bob Kevoian]

That beautiful music is coming to us from. Ladies and gentlemen, the Electric Amish. Hey, fellas. Great to see you.

[Josh]

Hello.

[Bob Kevoian]

God, hello. I can smell the horses from here. The Electric Amish on the road. I'll tell you about that in just a few minutes, fellas. You want to favor us with the two soon?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, I guess as long as we're here, we might as well.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

What do you got for us?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, we got. Gosh, we got 47 songs ready to play. Oh, play 32. The number 32. 32, yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now, fellas, you probably aren't aware of this, but thanks to a satellite technology, we will. We are currently broadcasting this program on both the audio form and video form. Christy, how would you watch this? On the TV.

[Josh]

On the YouTube.

[Bob Kevoian]

On the YouTube?

[Josh]

Yeah. That's Bob and Tom YouTube channel.

[Bob Kevoian]

You can see these handsome faces.

[Leanne Morgan]

I'm.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm gonna be honest with you, Tom and Christy, I have no idea what you're talking about.

[Christy Lee]

Ah, okay.

[Josh]

I'm not surprised by that.

[Tom Griswold]

Last time we were here, you promised we were not on the radio. The next thing I hear is I heard you on the radio. Oh, boy. So, yeah, basically, whatever you're saying to me, I don't understand it. And it's probably a lie.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is it also a sin?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, I'm guessing if you guys are involved, it probably.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I see.

[Christy Lee]

I see.

[Bob Kevoian]

I. I like your ax, by the way.

[Leanne Morgan]

My ax?

[Tom Griswold]

My ax is at home.

[Kelly Colette]

Oh.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, that's a. That's a hipper, hip term for a guitar.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, a guitar. Yeah, that's. That's my custom, custom guitar right there. Tom, this is from the Gibson Company.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's. It's kind of like a flying V, except it looks like one of those things you put in the back of a buggy.

[Josh]

Sure.

[Christy Lee]

It's a flying triangle.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, triangle things.

[Tom Griswold]

They say it's a slow moving vehicle record. I think. I'm hoping that Gibson will make a. A custom model of this. It could be called the Gibson. Shut up and stop hulking. I'm going as fast as I can. Yeah, it's kind of a long name for the catalog.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you want to introduce yourself and introduce the fellas?

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Josh]

Hello.

[Tom Griswold]

Graber, meet Graber. I'm Graber. It's right there. I'm Graber.

[Josh]

Huh.

[Tom Griswold]

I play the guitar and then that guy right over there. That's Carl.

[Josh Arnold]

I am Carl.

[Tom Griswold]

He plays the bass.

[Oliver Pardo]

I'm Graber Goodman. That's Carl Goodman.

[Josh Arnold]

No relation.

[Tom Griswold]

No. Why would they think we're related back there? That's.

[Josh Arnold]

That's.

[Tom Griswold]

That's Barry Goodman.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm Barry Goodman.

[Christy Lee]

No relation.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now, is that Carl with a C or Carl with a K?

[Josh]

It is C. It's right there.

[Tom Griswold]

It's right there in his strap.

[Josh]

Right?

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Oliver Pardo]

Do you not know how to read, Tom?

[Tom Griswold]

It's okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

I can't see you guys. I'm in a different room, remember?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, I know you're not in this one.

[Josh Arnold]

Ain't no. Ain't no K's in the Bible.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, no.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Tom Griswold]

I never looked. Cain and Naples. That's the C. Oh, okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Good to know.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, let's.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let's move forward. Here we have the Electric Amish on their way to Delphi Saturday night for a special performance at the Delphi Opera House. Tickets @Delphi Opera House.org do you guys sing opera music?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, that's the thing. We was gonna write an opera for this thing for the. It was gonna be like, yoder, can you hear me? Famous.

[Leanne Morgan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's probably the most famous rock opera.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, probably. I would think so.

[Mark Shalafu]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

You could do an opera about.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm a Wheelbarrow wizard.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now you've got something to do before your next visit.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Finally.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, what do you. What have you got for us? Play us a couple songs.

[Leanne Morgan]

All right.

[Oliver Pardo]

We're gonna play classic for you right

[Tom Griswold]

now because nobody likes the new stuff. Every time we play the new stuff, they go to the bathroom. So we're going to play. This is one of the songs that got us started. Explains who we are, on account of the song is called We Are An Amish Band, and I'll kick this one off. Well, we'll see about that. There he goes. Look at him back there, playing those drums like a crazy Mennonite.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. For that he will surely burn in hell I know.

[Tom Griswold]

My buzzer's pulling the plow I bought him a car, a fuselage and a cow I work all day out in the sun oh, but after the meals we start to have some fun I say, come on, Bretta Lights and lamps we're making lots of noise and we don't got no webs we are an Amish fair We are an Amish fair We'll help you build a barn we just don't give a darn we are an Amish babe. The vivid bulk up in Napoli A brook in their church her favorite berry

[Josh Arnold]

Would be sweet, sweet butter, fresh baked

[Tom Griswold]

pies Smell of the side are about to make me high now these young

[Josh Arnold]

maidens they had a plan they was out to meet us boys in their band they said, the person's gone Now's our chance and we proceeded to have

[Tom Griswold]

a big square dance we are an Amish band We are an Amish band We'll stay all night on up mercy, almost pray we are an Amish f. Give it up for gravers. Oh, merciful God, please let dresses solo really jam. We are an Amish fan. Nailed it. We are an Amish fan He'll help you build a monster we just don't give a d We are an Amish man We are an Amish fan. All right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's smoking. Work on the drums there, Barry.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, thanks, Tom. Coming from you, that's a real compliment.

[Bob Kevoian]

That was really nice hitting that. Hitting that. That. That thing that makes the drum. That's what it is.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Speaking of cows, we had a great letter this morning from Fred, a dairy farmer in Maine who's a big fan, and I bet his cows love that. I hope to hear from Fred.

[Tom Griswold]

I thought you had a letter from a cow. I was dying to hear what that was all about. Probably just said, moo, moo, moo. Say whatever that sheep says, they're lying.

[Josh Arnold]

Ah, you said that was Fred in Maine?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

He owes us money.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, I'll tell him. We are speaking to the Electric Amish once again. The boys are on the road, and they're going to be the house band today. So we've. We'll have to spread them thin because this is a long show. But could you do one more for us right now?

[Leanne Morgan]

Do another.

[Tom Griswold]

A good old classic number right now.

[Josh Arnold]

One of our originals.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, we only play original music, y'.

[Gracie Cannon]

All.

[Oliver Pardo]

So this one here is.

[Tom Griswold]

Boy, not a big surprise. This is about farming, okay? We write a lot of songs about farming because we know that's relatable to the people. So this one's about the. The good, holy way of farming.

[Leanne Morgan]

You ready?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Don't know if I am.

[Christy Lee]

One, two, one.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah. I think that farming should all be done by hand.

[Leanne Morgan]

When I see your tractor I wanna

[Tom Griswold]

hoe your land I want to hoe your land I want to hoe your

[Josh Arnold]

land yeah, you got that combine which I know understand if you burnt a

[Tom Griswold]

heathen, you go and hold your

[Jim Gaffigan]

Go

[Tom Griswold]

and hoe your land Please go and hoe your land oh, when I'm hoeing I feel holy inside But John Deere Tractors are for being. I can't ride, I can't ride, I can't ride my mule sure is something and he don't cost 20 grand when I eat him carrots he helps me plow my land. He helps me plow my land. He helps me plow my land.

[Josh Arnold]

When we're plowing, we feel happy outside.

[Tom Griswold]

I used to have another mule. Buddy die, buddy die. Y English met tractors. You sure they all be down if you, you weren't so lazy. You go and hold your land? And go and hold your land. Please go and hold your land. You better hold your land.

[Bob Kevoian]

The Electric Amish ladies and gentlemen, Graber, Carl, and Barry. Once again, Barry, I've got to highlight your skill to be able to play the drums and sing at the same time. I can barely drive and listen to the radio.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, somebody's got to do it, Tom. And Graber's too chicken to do it. And Carl never learned how to play the drums. So I guess it's up to me.

[Bob Kevoian]

I see. I see. Thank you so much. And for those listening, if you get a chance, you can watch this later on on YouTube or watch it right now as it happens.

[Tom Griswold]

And, Tom, a big thank you to you and the Bob and Tom show and everybody for supporting original music.

[Bob Kevoian]

Of course. You guys. Do you guys do that Eddie Grant song, Electric Avenue?

[Tom Griswold]

We. Are you talking about Eddie Hazel, your engineer?

[Bob Kevoian]

No, no, no, no, no. We have time for another song. Fellas, you're not allowed to use apps.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm not allowed to either. I wish I could. Boy, we could save a lot of

[Oliver Pardo]

money if we were able to buy

[Tom Griswold]

stuff on Ehe, you know?

[Bob Kevoian]

Ehe.

[Kelly Colette]

Okay. Very good.

[Bob Kevoian]

Very good.

[Tom Griswold]

I found out if you wanted to tie up your horse downtown, it cost

[Christy Lee]

a whole lot of money. Oh.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, my gosh. Oh, they're pretty proud of their land down there, aren't they? Holy cow.

[Christopher]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

What a way. That's why they gotta charge so much money. You can't grow anything down there.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Blacktop concrete everywhere.

[Josh Arnold]

I think some of that goes to the Greg Allman estate. It's called Tied to the Hitchin Post.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, Lord.

[Josh]

Wow. Barry knows his audience. Or Carl knows his audience. Right there. Sorry, Carl.

[Tom Griswold]

I was gonna say, folks, we apologize. We didn't know he was gonna say that.

[Oliver Pardo]

Did you hit the dump button?

[Josh]

Tom loved it.

[Bob Kevoian]

I feel like I gotta take a now. Although I suppose if you guys want to do a long jam, you could work up Tied to the Hitching Post, But I don't want you to do it now.

[Tom Griswold]

No, but you know what? Now that I think about it, it's kind of crazy because we don't do any instrumentals. We don't, huh?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

I feel like people are coming for the lyrics.

[Josh Arnold]

Well.

[Tom Griswold]

And the eye candy.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Good.

[Bob Kevoian]

In memory of Elizabeth Feed.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, I see what you're going for there.

[Christy Lee]

All right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Little Dicky Betts number. Let's see.

[Tom Griswold]

Little Dicky. Oh, he hates that.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let's. Let's get another song out of you guys. By the way, you can watch this on YouTube.

[Tom Griswold]

No, I can't.

[Bob Kevoian]

I know you can't. Those that aren't of the Amish persuasion. What's this one called?

[Tom Griswold]

It's been a while. I forgot. Oh, I know. But this one, it's one of our brand new songs.

[Oliver Pardo]

You.

[Tom Griswold]

You okay with that?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

[Christy Lee]

Cool.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, this is. This is one that we just wrote a couple of years ago.

[Bob Kevoian]

Brand new.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Kelly Colette]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

All right.

[Christy Lee]

Something like this.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, let me make sure I got all my buttons in the right.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Already graer here become popping up your street? You think our. Our outfits look stupid? Or that it's trick or treat? Yeah, yeah. Pretty obvious.

[Oliver Pardo]

All we do is work and pray. We're the plain generation and we got nothing to say.

[Josh Arnold]

Any road almost anywhere. We're probably backing up traffic but we just don't care.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, Yahweh. All we do is work and pray.

[Oliver Pardo]

Fear the plain generation.

[Tom Griswold]

We still got nothing to say. We're just trying to be holy.

[Oliver Pardo]

Amish is the only way.

[Tom Griswold]

You can disagree if you want to but we'll see what God has to say. Yeah, we'll see what God has to say. Yeah, we'll see what God has to say. Yeah, I know what God's gonna say.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, thank you very much, fellas.

[Christy Lee]

Hey.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hey. We're the Amish. The electric Amish. Christy, your thoughts?

[Josh]

I loved it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, very good. Now, your outfit's a little bit garish for the Amish. Muted browns and Christy's Alpha.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Leanne Morgan]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

What is that?

[Leanne Morgan]

Tan?

[Josh]

That's tan.

[Oliver Pardo]

Crazy.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Some.

[Kelly Colette]

Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, guys, we. I'm looking at the. The watch. Are you guys allowed to wear watches?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, if it's a pocket watch that is mechanically run, yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, so you don't have those Apple watches, do you? App, I would think you'd be a fan of Apple products.

[Tom Griswold]

I love apples, but I sit around watching Apple. Sounds pretty boring.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I would think you guys are probably.

[Josh]

Are you allowed to drive your buggies at night?

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, hells yeah.

[Josh]

What do you. What do you Use for light lights, lanterns, duh.

[Tom Griswold]

Now you fire up the lanterns and get out there late at night. Oh, it's a hoot, really. You ever been to the buggy buggy drag races?

[Josh]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, it's a blast. We all dress as women and riding our buggies.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, guys, we have time for another song of the Electric Amish. Our special guests. Fellas, what do you got to play for us now?

[Tom Griswold]

Well, we got one right now. This is. This is an old hit

[Oliver Pardo]

in our books. Anyway.

[Tom Griswold]

This is a song about when we kind of went astray, thought about being Mennonite and all that kind of stuff. This is sing along if you know the words, okay?

[Kelly Colette]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

If you don't know the words and just shut up and listen.

[Josh]

All right?

[Christy Lee]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

Goes a little something like this. Completely original. Used to be such a heathen thing Till I moved to Napanee I owned a boat with a great big motor

[Leanne Morgan]

I drove a jeep, channel key I

[Tom Griswold]

got real scared when the parson told me that I would burn in hell if I didn't change my way so I, I grabbed a churn no more

[Josh Arnold]

menite guy no more watching MTBE no

[Tom Griswold]

more menite guy they said, get down on me.

[Josh Arnold]

I got new friends they don't read the papers they can't tell me if

[Tom Griswold]

I think they're winning numbers in the lottery they say, no more men I die no more storm on me no more men I die they said kill it there

[Bob Kevoian]

the mule kicked me in

[Tom Griswold]

the head today I broke my brand new plow Broke his plow my wife and thrown out of the sewing circle

[Oliver Pardo]

I caught my son with a cow

[Tom Griswold]

I went to church in my black tuxedo how was I to know that when you pray with the Amish people, you can't wear rented clothes? So I say, no more Amish nice guy.

[Josh Arnold]

No more selling quill suits no more I'm a nice guy I say, someone give me my car keys.

[Tom Griswold]

My car keys.

[Josh Arnold]

My car keys, please.

[Tom Griswold]

Very nice.

[Bob Kevoian]

Ah, yes.

[Christopher]

We're coming right back with more of the Best of the Bob and Tom Show. Comedians Gracie Cannon and Malia Vaynetrub are coming up. You'll know who Malia is once the segment starts, I guarantee you. This is the Bob and Tom show show. Welcome back. This is the Bob and Tom show on a Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. More of the best of the Bob and Tom Show. Some comedians, great comedians here. Gracie Cannon and Malaya Van Trobe. I think you'll know who Malaya is once they start Talking about her, we're

[Josh Arnold]

joined by comedians Gracie Cannon and Milana Vayntron.

[Leanne Morgan]

Rub.

[Josh Arnold]

So great to have you both.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

With us.

[Gracie Cannon]

So nice to be here. I feel like you guys are such a sweet group of weirdos. My favorite kind of people.

[Josh Arnold]

I love sweet weirdos also.

[Gracie Cannon]

That's my favorite radio people. Radio people truly are like that. It's great.

[Josh]

Yeah, they're not all sweet.

[Josh Arnold]

There's a fair amount of bitterness in radio, but it's.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, stop it.

[Christy Lee]

But why don't you shut up? Younger than me.

[Josh Arnold]

You guys also have sort of vague.

[Gracie Cannon]

Go take a shower, old man.

[Christy Lee]

Right, Fine.

[Josh Arnold]

Gracie Milano, very busy out on the road. And then you're also sort of a gerwig bomback couple. You write and direct and edit together.

[Gracie Cannon]

Yeah, we usually like to hop on each other's shoulders and wear a big trench.

[Christy Lee]

Did you have anything to do with the werewolf movie?

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh, no, but I loved it.

[Christy Lee]

I loved the werewolf.

[Gracie Cannon]

It was so sick. And I loved the end. I mean, no spoilers, but.

[Josh Arnold]

Right, no spoilers. Yeah, Milan is in a terrific movie called Werewolves Within. Yeah, it's a really fun with this way.

[Christy Lee]

I review movies.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, that one guy, Sam Richardson.

[Christy Lee]

Sam Richardson, that's right. Yeah, that guy.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, That's a cool flick.

[Christy Lee]

That's a really cool.

[Gracie Cannon]

It's a really good movie. If you like. If you like a comedy. Horror. That's not too horror, but a little horror and a lot of comedy.

[Christy Lee]

Goofy.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, it's fun. So what you're so busy, what do you do to relax?

[Gracie Cannon]

Mostly cocaine. You know, I just like to.

[Christy Lee]

You must really be stressed relax with cocaine.

[Gracie Cannon]

No, I. No, I. Is the first thing that came to mind. You know, I put a little bit of it in my coffee. No, I'm not like a huge. I. I am like a drug per. Do you guys. What do you. Do you smoke?

[Christy Lee]

I'll speak for Jeff. What do you got here? Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Jeff, you've dabbled in a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

I do think that, like, we could tell Jeff.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Thank you.

[Gracie Cannon]

The beard, they're little tabs of acid for later stuck in there. No, I'm. I'm joking. I don't do. I mean, I've done it, but I don't do. I think it's a very silly drug, I think. But I do like the. I do like the camaraderie of. Like I said, I was kind of like a loser dweeb in high school, and so I love the idea of being out at a bar in New York and someone's like, you're in the club, and then it's just like six grown adults in the bathroom, you know? And I'm like. And then I'm ruining the vibe because I'm like, I'm not even here for drugs. I just want to be close to all of you.

[Tom Griswold]

That's all right.

[Gracie Cannon]

Sorry, sorry.

[Christy Lee]

That's right. We're just standing in the bathroom.

[Leanne Morgan]

We're all guys.

[Gracie Cannon]

Stand up comedian on Here is a great movie.

[Josh Arnold]

There's a fine line.

[Gracie Cannon]

Like a comedy horror.

[Josh Arnold]

It's a weird thing where you. You can talk about doing cocaine in bathrooms, but you can't say that.

[Gracie Cannon]

I know. Guys, don't. If there are any kids listening.

[Tom Griswold]

No, we're good.

[Christy Lee]

We've got thing that we do. Time machine. Really?

[Josh Arnold]

They caught it.

[Gracie Cannon]

Am I the. I can't be the first person.

[Christy Lee]

Don't be nice. You are unbelievable.

[Gracie Cannon]

And there's only a small fine. Okay. Okay. Well, guys, if you want to hear

[Josh Arnold]

more, I think I've done it three times, if not more. I forgot.

[Christy Lee]

Christy and I have been here a long time. Time and what? I don't know. Thousand times.

[Josh]

Jeff spelled it one time and got.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

I want to know more about Jeff's drugs habits. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I.

[Josh]

He's a marijuana guy.

[Christy Lee]

Well, you were talking about mushrooms the other day.

[Tom Griswold]

I love mushrooms.

[Christy Lee]

I've never done mushrooms.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

I did them for my birthday with a small group of friends, and that is the way to do it, because then you have a really good excuse for not replying to birthday texts.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, good point. I didn't even think about that.

[Gracie Cannon]

Sorry. I couldn't look at my phone. It was possessed.

[Tom Griswold]

It was melting.

[Kelly Colette]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

If you look at this phone, it's melting.

[Josh Arnold]

What do you. You're in your 40s now. Yeah. And you. Was it 20s, 30s, or was it. Yeah, it was. It was before I. It was before I had kids.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

I now have a family, so I can't.

[Gracie Cannon]

I have kids, too, but I find that it's a great way to play with them.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, it's a little more fun when

[Gracie Cannon]

you just really get down on their level. You're like. You're right. That ant colony is where we should be.

[Oliver Pardo]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

That is co.

[Josh Arnold]

It's amazing how cool ants are when you are on those.

[Gracie Cannon]

Yes. Yeah. That was, like, my first appointment when I was 18. I took mushrooms and I saw all these ants and I was. I, like, had a fear of rejection that was lifted from me or something where I'm like, oh, we are all just Chemical responses. We. There's so much that is, like, gifted to you when you. With psilocybin.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

It's the best one.

[Josh Arnold]

People really do recommend it for.

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh, my gosh. Ketamine acid. There's so much therapy now with MDMA that really, really works. I hope it gets legal in all of the places where we are currently streaming.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

I accidentally started. Accidentally started microdosing, like, a few years ago. Microdosing, like, in the morning. And I was like. It was the most calm and I think the best word is lucid. Like, it was very. It made me feel very in my body. Very. Especially for writing and creativity and just like, there's no weird after driving.

[Mark Shalafu]

Yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

Great for driving.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

Going on dates, making out an advantage.

[Josh Arnold]

I know a lot of teachers who think it really helps.

[Oliver Pardo]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Josh]

So when you say micro dosing, because I've never done acid, so I don't know.

[Mark Shalafu]

Yeah.

[Josh]

How? I mean.

[Gracie Cannon]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

It means just take a little bit.

[Josh]

Yeah, I know that. But I mean, the effect is. You still hallucinated?

[Josh Arnold]

No.

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh, my God. That would be my nightmare. I've actually never hallucinated. Like, I've never. I'm very, very moderate, practical and very practical. But no, it just. It's like a little lift. It's almost like the same buzz that you would get from coffee, but without the jitters and more. Anyway, we're here to plug our new product. Acid Drop is a competitor, Lava Java House. Acid Drop. You can put it in your Keurig. It's great.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Viintrub and Gracie Cannon have joined us. Where can folks find you on the social media platforms?

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh, you find me at. At my name, but there's Save before it, so Save Gracie Kanan. Help. And that's me on all platforms. And I post clips regularly and silly stuff. And so, yeah, definitely follow me. Yeah, I'm Mint Milana. Like mint Milano cookies, but Mint Milana with an A at the end. And I mostly post photos of Gracie. Yeah, exactly. And thank you, because I'm getting a lot of creeps. If you want them, I got them.

[Josh Arnold]

Bless you. I can't even imagine.

[Gracie Cannon]

The thing that makes me feel better is that the people that are normal just like and move on and the people that are there to fight comment. You know, you guys, probably everyone with the social media knows that the comments are just people who are bored and lonely and in pain and, like, want to feel company.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

And sometimes that comes in the form of like, a virtual fist fight. And so I just. I just see Those. And I just go, oh, you poor thing.

[Josh Arnold]

But you look. You'll still look.

[Gracie Cannon]

I. I will look because it's like market research. I want to know what's out there, and I want feedback. But I. I think all of those years of therapy have made it so that it doesn't really affect me.

[Josh Arnold]

Right.

[Gracie Cannon]

And I could know that, like, mentally healthy people do not do that. I, you know, I. I started this company called Only Philanthropy that raises money for, you know, people who need it. It's. It's a direct aid organization.

[Josh Arnold]

We actually talked about it on this show a few months ago.

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh, you did?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I think it was during the wildfires.

[Gracie Cannon]

Yeah. So I. I did one campaign in March, and it raised $170,000, and I just did another one that raised over $350,000. And with her beauty, with. With my beauty. And some flirty pictures that are not nudes, but are just pictures. Honestly, if I put them on Instagram, they wouldn't even be flagged. But they're exclusive content, and it's Polaroids and it's really fun photos that I enjoy taking. But yesterday, this conservative commentator talked about it and, And. And talked about how I am, like, degrading myself when, first of all, you can only degrade yourself if you're going against your own morals and values. And, and secondly, I realized that, like, in him saying that what he was doing was trying to get people to fight about it, because if he released a clip where he agreed with me and talked about how. How great what I'm doing is, it would not go viral. People would not be fighting in the comments. And I think that's what people need to understand about so much of this content that's coming out these days is. It's like they're. They're just doing it for the clicks. And you are taking the bait. When you are fighting in the comments about it, you are the clickbait taker. You're the fish that's been on the hook, you know, And. And so it's been really interesting to see the response, because actually, actually, what he's doing, and he's using, like, Christianity as his veil for morality in making people fight. And what I'm doing is taking pretty pictures and creating more peace and harmony in people's lives.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, sure.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. I like to think that he was just upset because they weren't nudes.

[Leanne Morgan]

Yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

I will say, though, as someone with fewer followers, I encourage. I'm trying to always grow my following, so I encourage a lot of fights in My comments because it really boosts visibility. And every time, like, I love, I love posting something and then coming back to it and then seeing just like an 18 comment chain between two people I've never met and I'm like, go off, sis.

[Josh Arnold]

You thrive in chaos.

[Gracie Cannon]

I thrive in chaos. Yeah, exactly.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, Milano, Milana, Vayntrub and Gracie. Have I been saying it wrong? I say canon, but you said Canaan.

[Gracie Cannon]

Whatever, Josh. We're friends. You call me whatever you want. Call me Tiffany, Scooby.

[Christy Lee]

Scooby and slick is how I'm going

[Josh Arnold]

to thank you so much for joining us this morning. We so appreciate it.

[Leanne Morgan]

Thank you so much.

[Gracie Cannon]

This was so fun, you guys.

[Christopher]

We are coming right back with more of the best of the Bob and Tom show. Duke Tomato plus Mark Shalafeau is coming up next hour. But next, Jess Hooker's hair, cannabis, bogarting and roller luggage. Don't want to miss it here on the Bob and Tom show. This is the best of the Bob and Tom show. Friday morning, long fourth of July weekend. Hope you're having a good one so far. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a segment about Jess Hooker's hair plus cannabis, bogarting and roller luggage. I would imagine somebody named Tom hates roller luggage. Well, let's find out.

[Bob Kevoian]

Welcome back to the Bobtown program. I gotta say something about Ms. Hooker.

[Gracie Cannon]

Hi.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm not sure exactly what's going on, but.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, God, it's like really confused.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's like a new disguise every time she comes in here. New hairdo. I like this new one. Kind of a Joyce DeWitt look.

[Christy Lee]

No, no. We were talking about this last week. She really reminds one of Rizzo in Greece. Stalker Channing. The same.

[Gracie Cannon]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

But much more attractive.

[Gracie Cannon]

I like Stalker Channing.

[Tom Griswold]

I think she's pretty.

[Josh Arnold]

I thought she was sexy too in that. I don't know if it was because

[Bob Kevoian]

she was in that homely kind of looks. 40 playing a 16 year.

[Josh Arnold]

She was a high school milk.

[Christy Lee]

Six degrees of. What is it? Six degrees of separation.

[Josh Arnold]

And she's wonderful.

[Christy Lee]

Will Smith. Yeah, she's wonderful. It's a good movie.

[Josh Arnold]

It's a good watch.

[Bob Kevoian]

In any event, it's kind of like you're in disguise all the time.

[Josh Arnold]

Disguise.

[Gracie Cannon]

Is that a song?

[Bob Kevoian]

Judy in disguise. That's a great song. Okay, thanks.

[Josh]

Anything like.

[Christy Lee]

Wow, that's a dead ring.

[Josh]

Tucker Channing in green Greece is what he was looking for.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, that's not too.

[Gracie Cannon]

That's not.

[Bob Kevoian]

That looks like. That looks like Stalker Channing in Formaldehyde, not Greece. That is one, one bad shot. Her publicist needs to be fired for letting that one out.

[Christy Lee]

I think stalker Channing and I are the same age. I think. Are you.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that true?

[Josh Arnold]

I bet she'd like you.

[Christy Lee]

Me?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, but I bet she'd. But she'd push you around in bed.

[Christy Lee]

I thought you were gonna say something else. I could have sworn a blowy was coming out of your mouth.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. By the time they're.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, geez, no. Yep, we're the same age.

[Oliver Pardo]

She's.

[Josh Arnold]

Don't you feel like you'd go, hey, stalker, this is my house. You go show me the bedroom.

[Tom Griswold]

And then you.

[Leanne Morgan]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

And you would just, you'd show her and then as you walked in, she would just push you down on the bed.

[Christy Lee]

She's like, well, what is.

[Josh Arnold]

Shut up.

[Christy Lee]

Okay.

[Josh]

Do you like women to take care.

[Josh Arnold]

You're about to be chanting.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, oh, chanting time.

[Josh]

Yeah, there you go.

[Christy Lee]

There she is.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that's the same haircut. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there you go. Oh, now we were discussing.

[Christy Lee]

It's chatting time.

[Josh]

Have you heard the big news? Tom discovered roller bags over the weekend.

[Gracie Cannon]

Like luggage.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you hear this interesting stat.

[Christy Lee]

No, no, no. Here he's not, he's not doing it justice.

[Gracie Cannon]

Easy with the interesting.

[Christy Lee]

He looks, he looks at me at like hour and a half ago and he goes, hey, on this last trip, changed my life. I got one of those rollers bags with wheels.

[Tom Griswold]

I go, okay.

[Christy Lee]

He goes, you know, 90% of the luggage are these rollerbacks.

[Gracie Cannon]

What did you carry before?

[Josh]

I know, right?

[Christy Lee]

One of his leather Tom had was.

[Leanne Morgan]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Or the classic two wheeled.

[Oliver Pardo]

Sure.

[Gracie Cannon]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

And he's.

[Christy Lee]

Was it a two wheeled.

[Josh Arnold]

Because you're really. Now you're really taken by these four wheeled that they can be upright. You push them along.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, well, that's the, that, that's the game changer. Is that, that it?

[Bob Kevoian]

The four wheels, you can flip them, you can tilt it back, tilt them and two. And then they make, they make these valises that have a, have a sleeve

[Josh]

on them and that fit right over the handle.

[Bob Kevoian]

Fits over the handle. So now you got two bags. It's amazing.

[Gracie Cannon]

You sweet, sweet man. Yeah, I'm really excited for you.

[Bob Kevoian]

The reason I noticed it is cuz I had to g gate check one of these things and I got off the plane and there's eight identical. They're all that same stretched out cube fiberglass, whatever there.

[Christy Lee]

Anyway,

[Bob Kevoian]

how familiar are you with the world of cannabis? Marijuana reefer?

[Gracie Cannon]

Enough. I mean, I don't partake. But, yeah, I know a little bit. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you know anyone that's an avid user that's under the age of 30?

[Gracie Cannon]

I'm sure I do, but no, I actually, no, not really.

[Josh Arnold]

I don't think so, because Willie just turned 30.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Right?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm just trying to find out if any of them are familiar with this song. Oh, God. I looked it up during the break. This was an Easy Rider.

[Gracie Cannon]

Sounds like something from the Bomba.

[Christy Lee]

Hey, here's a mention of something that's 60 years old. Followed with another mention of something that's 60 years old. You remember this from Easy Rider? Remember this?

[Bob Kevoian]

That great scene where they're getting Nicholson, he's still doing it stoned, and he goes the campfire in the. Off from. Off from. Jody goes, oh, I. I got my own store bought. Love the word store bought. Now, are you familiar with the notion of a. Of a bogarting something?

[Gracie Cannon]

Yes.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, so that is. That has remained in contemporary culture, as I think.

[Gracie Cannon]

Yeah, I think so. I think with people my age. I'm in my 40s. I don't know how common it is with, like you said, kids in their 20s.

[Bob Kevoian]

So I'm wondering, does one still Bog Bogart?

[Gracie Cannon]

I have a son that's 22. I. I'll ask him. We'll see this. I'll use the term and see.

[Josh]

Have you.

[Josh Arnold]

If he calls me out, ever seen a full Humphrey Bogart movie?

[Gracie Cannon]

No.

[Christy Lee]

Okay. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. So I. I mean, we may. It may be real.

[Josh]

Why did Humphrey Bogart gets associated with Bogarting Joy?

[Josh Arnold]

He was always. He always. Cigarette in his mouth. Okay, so it was.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hey, pass it around.

[Josh Arnold]

Don't just take your time with it.

[Josh]

Oh, okay, that makes sense.

[Christy Lee]

And I've always heard it used as Don't Bogart. That app the appetizers.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I mean, it can, but it

[Josh Arnold]

absolutely started with smoking.

[Josh]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[Bob Kevoian]

And there's an unusual connection I'm about to make here. Yesterday. Who did we interview?

[Josh Arnold]

Josh the Great. Danny Houston. A wonderful act.

[Bob Kevoian]

Danny Houston. You know who Danny Houston's dad is?

[Gracie Cannon]

Yes. Was.

[Tom Griswold]

I should say, John.

[Bob Kevoian]

John Houston, the great film director. Do you know what film he directed?

[Gracie Cannon]

I don't.

[Bob Kevoian]

One of his first ones.

[Josh]

I do. Maltese Falcon.

[Bob Kevoian]

Maltese Falcon. Are you a falcon or falcon? Falcon guy, I think Maltese Falcon.

[Josh]

Falcon.

[Bob Kevoian]

They kind of say one.

[Christy Lee]

No Falcon.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's a terrific movie.

[Oliver Pardo]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Really good.

[Gracie Cannon]

Have they remade it yet?

[Bob Kevoian]

I hope not.

[Tom Griswold]

No.

[Josh Arnold]

And that would be really Sydney Sweeney

[Christy Lee]

and that guy who's hot right now.

[Josh]

And it is black and white.

[Tom Griswold]

So Tom Holland. Tom Holland.

[Christy Lee]

And it's.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's about this. The Maltese falcon is this black bird about a foot and a half high sculpture.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

I had one I found at a pawn shop when I was in college.

[Jim Gaffigan]

No way.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, of course, now I don't know exactly. I'm not sure which one of my lady roommates tossed it in the garbage. There was a whole series of them.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, but it's very lady roommates.

[Josh Arnold]

Maybe start with Casablanca.

[Gracie Cannon]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's also terrific.

[Josh]

You've never watched Casablanca. That's a good one.

[Josh Arnold]

I rewatched it maybe six months ago and just went, my God, I cried at the end. Hell of a movie.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, okay.

[Josh Arnold]

It's just so entertaining.

[Gracie Cannon]

Famous line from.

[Josh Arnold]

We're a handful in that.

[Bob Kevoian]

But the friends.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, yeah. This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

[Gracie Cannon]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

Here's looking at you, kid.

[Christy Lee]

And played it. Played against Sam, but he actually never

[Josh]

said play it against Sam.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, here's looking at you, kid. Yeah.

[Oliver Pardo]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

You played it for her. You can play it for me.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

So in any event, we'd like to find out if the Bogart phrase is still.

[Gracie Cannon]

I'll use it when I get home tonight with my son and we'll see what happens.

[Bob Kevoian]

If you're conversant with contemporary marijuana culture, please help me out here and let's.

[Josh Arnold]

If it's changed, who would be a good choice?

[Bob Kevoian]

Great, great question.

[Josh Arnold]

To take over Bogart. Don't. Don't Snoop dog that joint.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah.

[Christy Lee]

There you go. Doesn't he have a guy?

[Josh Arnold]

That's the thing. Snoop is, I, I imagine generous with his weed. I mean, he may not pass his joint to you, but he'll make sure you have.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Have one.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. One of your own, right? He pays a guy six figures to roll his right.

[Christopher]

Isn't that right?

[Tom Griswold]

Didn't we have that?

[Josh Arnold]

That was the story.

[Gracie Cannon]

Are there any young people that openly smoke cigarettes like you see in the tabloids or anything? You know what I mean?

[Josh Arnold]

That's a good, like, just Post Malone.

[Josh]

You don't see people smoking much.

[Gracie Cannon]

The Olsen twins. You still see them smoking?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I, I, I think. Stay so thin.

[Christy Lee]

Lindsay Lohan still smokes, I think. I don't know why.

[Josh Arnold]

She seems like a smoker.

[Gracie Cannon]

Yeah, yeah, that, that golf, that really hot golfer. She smokes too, like on the golf course, if you guys have seen.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, really?

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh, yes.

[Josh Arnold]

No, I haven't.

[Gracie Cannon]

Hey, she's hot and she's always burning a heater.

[Bob Kevoian]

She's awesome, by the way.

[Josh]

Surprised they allow that on tv.

[Bob Kevoian]

I love the phrase burning a heater. Well, the famous. There was a famous golfer of a male guy. Male guy.

[Mark Shalafu]

Jesus.

[Bob Kevoian]

A male man that was constantly smoking on the tour.

[Christy Lee]

Okay. If you go to Google and type in pro female golfer, it finishes that smokes.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, it is.

[Christy Lee]

Charlie Hull.

[Leanne Morgan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is she English?

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, I'm from England. So everyone smokes in England.

[Tom Griswold]

She says she's pretty hot though, right?

[Leanne Morgan]

Oh, God.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she's okay. She's all right looking. She's got a really round head.

[Oliver Pardo]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Who's the guy that. Who's the guy that played Bob Dylan in the movie Timothy? Yeah. Yeah, I saw him smoking.

[Josh]

Yeah, he smokes.

[Leanne Morgan]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Also British, right?

[Christy Lee]

No, he's in Jersey.

[Josh Arnold]

God, why did I Holland.

[Gracie Cannon]

Is he British?

[Josh Arnold]

Yes, but I would have thought Chalamet was British.

[Christy Lee]

Wow. I thought he was French. No, from Jersey. I used to play poker with him. Some more of your.

[Bob Kevoian]

And we have some sporting news, including dildos in the wnba.

[Josh Arnold]

I don't like that headline, D. This sounds like it is disturbing to me.

[Christy Lee]

Post game celebration.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, that's like.

[Christy Lee]

It's interesting you bring that up.

[Josh Arnold]

Sounds like it's going to be rude.

[Christy Lee]

Tom and I were talking about it and remember, I think it was the Bills and the Patriots. They. Someone threw a dildo on the field during an NFL game and we talked about. About it.

[Josh Arnold]

Right.

[Christy Lee]

So why wouldn't we talk? A sporting event and a dildo? Good story.

[Josh Arnold]

No, no, it's not us talking about it so much as it seems to me the person who, if this is the case, I don't know that there's something a little ruder about it here.

[Josh]

I get what you're saying.

[Christy Lee]

It'll give you pause. Should we talk about this? Well, yeah, it's a sport. Yes, they're all women, but. And that's probably a user of a dildo, I guess. Is it?

[Tom Griswold]

No, not necessarily.

[Josh Arnold]

I would think so. No, no, no.

[Bob Kevoian]

We always get the story about some poor loser that shows up at the er who with his ass buzzing.

[Josh Arnold]

I still think more women use them than men.

[Christy Lee]

Buzzing.

[Bob Kevoian]

I wonder if I. I wonder if I could get rich if I invented the Griswold extractor and it was a device designed to pull things out of the asses of these morons that shove stuff up there and get stuck. You need the Griswold extractor. Sure, it's an embarrassing thing to have named after you, but hey, if it's a million dollar idea, I'm in I got bills to pay.

[Christopher]

We're coming right back with comedian Mark Shalafu. He is next here on a Friday. Friday morning. Come on back to the Bob and Tom Show. More of the best of the Bob and Tom show now on a Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. How about a segment with comedian Mark Shalafu?

[Bob Kevoian]

Handsome man just walked in. Good looking guy, Mark Shalafu. Hello, Mark. Good to see you again.

[Mark Shalafu]

Yeah, it's great to be back.

[Bob Kevoian]

Mark is on his way to Goshen, India, Indiana, where he will be entertaining the Amish.

[Christy Lee]

He's using someone's voice and I can't place it, but I will, by gosh.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Mark Shalafu]

You'll figure it out eventually.

[Christy Lee]

I will figure.

[Mark Shalafu]

It's like a big.

[Christy Lee]

Figure it out eventually.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, now I gotta.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Can you count to 10 so I could figure out.

[Mark Shalafu]

Yeah, just go through it all. Yeah, sure.

[Christy Lee]

And A, B, C, D, I.

[Bob Kevoian]

You're right. It'll come to me.

[Christy Lee]

Timber. Kind of an alto, but no.

[Bob Kevoian]

Marco. Good to see you, sir. I can't see. Is that a sporting team hat you have on? I can't tell.

[Mark Shalafu]

It's a comedy club hat. Oh, a lot of comedians you. The free merch, but you can tell.

[Christy Lee]

No, you can tell that Tom's a big sports fan because he uses the term like sporting team hat.

[Tom Griswold]

The sports club.

[Mark Shalafu]

You're supporting the sports club out there.

[Christy Lee]

That is, my friend, a sporting team hat.

[Bob Kevoian]

The, the. The logo that represents a sporting team. For example, Willie has on a really cool Indianapolis Colts cap.

[Christy Lee]

Yes, the.

[Kelly Colette]

The.

[Christy Lee]

All the. The light blue, the powder blue.

[Tom Griswold]

I appreciate the compliment. I like this man.

[Christy Lee]

The Charger blue a little bit.

[Tom Griswold]

Since I got this. Colts are great. This is the Daniel Jones era.

[Christy Lee]

There you go, Willy.

[Tom Griswold]

Light blue hat era. I like that.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Can you put on. You better put on a Pacer hat. Yikes.

[Oliver Pardo]

I don't want.

[Tom Griswold]

Why would you bring that up in

[Josh Arnold]

front of me right now?

[Tom Griswold]

We're having so much fun talking about the Colts.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, sorry.

[Mark Shalafu]

We're talking about the power of your hats. You can throw a Washington Generals hat on and all of a sudden.

[Tom Griswold]

Globetrotters every day.

[Josh Arnold]

Everything.

[Bob Kevoian]

I love that song. The power of hats. Well, since you're going to be wearing some free merch, we'll give you one of those beautiful Bob and Tom show sweatshirts behind you.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. 29.9.

[Bob Kevoian]

Mark Shalafu, are you a sports fan?

[Mark Shalafu]

I am a big sports guy and I've become more of a sports fan since coaching my kids in youth sports. That's been an adventure because you learn right away how good your team is going to be just based on what name they pick. Like our Tigers, they were undefeated this season. The mint chocolate chip ice cream. They were not. They had a rough season for the mint chocolate chip ice cream. I do. What's fun about coaching, too, is, like, I remember when I was a kid, all of our coaches would just hit us with, like, the empty cliches about, like, oh, it's all about the name on the front of the jersey, not the name on the back of the jersey. Our team name wasn't on the front of our jersey.

[Christy Lee]

It was just the logo of the

[Mark Shalafu]

company that sponsored our jerseys. And it was the county liquor store for us. So. That's a weird rallying cry for seven year olds.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Mark Shalafu]

To get behind o' Brien's wine.

[Bob Kevoian]

Have you ever been.

[Christy Lee]

Let's go.

[Bob Kevoian]

In all truth, have you ever been to Graceland?

[Mark Shalafu]

I have not.

[Bob Kevoian]

In Memphis. Oh, it's. You've been to Graceland? Yeah, a couple times.

[Oliver Pardo]

I love it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Ms. Hooker, you've been to Graceland?

[Leanne Morgan]

I have not.

[Kelly Colette]

Oh, it's.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's a great tour. Of course.

[Gracie Cannon]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

It ends kind of sad because you got Elvis and family buried in the back like a pet dog. But I'm not joking when I say this, and I. I can get backed up on this. Have you been there?

[Josh]

Check.

[Christy Lee]

I've not been to Graceland.

[Bob Kevoian]

No Elvis.

[Christy Lee]

I have no desire to get.

[Bob Kevoian]

Elvis was a really good guy. I mean, he. He. He would buy cars for. He just was this really generous soul. Certainly had his ups and downs. But he sponsored a bunch of little league teams. And so, you know, they've. And they've got the pictures of them, you know, the so and so, the Elvis team.

[Mark Shalafu]

That's cool.

[Bob Kevoian]

But it would have been really cool, I thought, if they'd had their, like, baseball uniforms with a really high collar. Oh, man.

[Tom Griswold]

Their baseball helmets. They call your team the Burning Loves and they do the Elvis hair going back.

[Kelly Colette]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

But maybe those glasses with the. Remember the. With the.

[Gracie Cannon]

The.

[Bob Kevoian]

The holes drilled in the side.

[Gracie Cannon]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Thank you very much.

[Mark Shalafu]

Yeah, it's not gonna be fun sliding in a third base with studs all over your jerseys and stuff.

[Bob Kevoian]

You have to wonder if you ever came to one of the games.

[Mark Shalafu]

Oh, that'd be great. Tried to go incognito so nobody would recognize him with just some sunglasses.

[Bob Kevoian]

They're great stories about Elvis. My favorites. He was. He had badges from cops all over the. You know, police departments would give him badges And Elvis quite literally would pull people over on the outskirts of Memphis in his Cadillac convertible. Can you imagine if you're just. You're driving into Memphis and you're going a little quick, you get pulled over by some guy, and then the King walks up to you.

[Christy Lee]

You know, why? Stuff.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, man. You know?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, man. A license of registration.

[Bob Kevoian]

And of course, famously, he got the. He got that badge from Richard Nixon.

[Gracie Cannon]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And that's the most. By the way, the most popular thing at the Nixon museum is the postcard of El Elvis and that picture. Richard Nixon.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And that, by the way, if you've ever read about that event, they didn't know that was going to happen. Elvis just showed up and Nixon was in his office and some guy ring.

[Gracie Cannon]

So weird.

[Bob Kevoian]

Elvis is outside and they brought him in. It's. It's a classic. But we're talking with comedian Mark Shalafu. And now. How many kids do you have?

[Mark Shalafu]

I've got three kids. And, yeah, that's a real fun journey because the first kid is obviously your way locked into to that, and that's exciting. And then you get to that third kid, and the milestones are not quite as fun anymore.

[Bob Kevoian]

Careful. Well, because. No, I'm just telling you right now, you're looking at kid number three right there.

[Mark Shalafu]

So I'm sure you can relate to the fact that, you know, the parents don't care as much about some of the milestones.

[Christy Lee]

Hey, where's Willie? I think we left him in the pantry. I'm not sure.

[Tom Griswold]

It's kind of weird because he has seven. And you're not going to have this issue because you seem like a respectable guy.

[Oliver Pardo]

It's kind of.

[Tom Griswold]

It's like one, you care, and then two, you less, and then three, less, and then now it bounces back up. And now 6 and 7, they're getting love out of this world. Nobody even knows about this kind of thing.

[Mark Shalafu]

Yeah, you're just at the wrong end of that curve then. That's what's really hurt.

[Tom Griswold]

It's sort of a horseshoe situation.

[Oliver Pardo]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

We figured out the valley of the curve. I'm pretty cool, man.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm hanging out.

[Mark Shalafu]

I mean, I try and hide it with mine, but it's just like. You know, the first time I found out that we were going to have kids, my wife, it was a big dinner. She surprised me at that. The third time, it was a text message. That's how she told me. And she sent me a picture of a positive pregnancy test. And I remember staring at that Just thinking like, wow, I really hope she meant to send this to somebody else. But here we are with our third.

[Bob Kevoian]

Remember that commercial a couple years ago they were running? I, I haven't seen it lately. It was the pregnancy test thing. And they, you know, they cut to the positive test and they're really happy. You have to wonder if they thought about doing these other one.

[Josh]

The opposite.

[Gracie Cannon]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know, the guy is sweating bullets.

[Mark Shalafu]

He gets his life back.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

By the way, things are great here. Sorry I had to move across the country.

[Tom Griswold]

When she said the photo of the pregnancy test, was she mad that you did the thumbs up reaction?

[Mark Shalafu]

Yeah, just do that and then never acknowledge it again till nine months later.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do your kids have weird names or normal ones?

[Mark Shalafu]

My kids have normal names. I did. You know, it was tough for us because, because the first one was born in New York City on Madison Avenue. We named her Madison.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, cool.

[Mark Shalafu]

And then the second daughter was born at a hospital on Martin Luther King Boulevard in Cincinnati. So you can't really name your daughter that. That would have been tricky.

[Bob Kevoian]

Little Dr. King.

[Mark Shalafu]

Yeah, right. Little pale red head, like white skinned MLK junior. Yeah. So we had to go with some real names for them.

[Bob Kevoian]

Would you mind if I asked what they were?

[Mark Shalafu]

Yeah, we went with Madison, Emma, Chloe. By the time we got to the third, because it's all girls too, which is tricky. So we just kind of ran out of like good names to pull from. So we just went with the weird Kardashian and we got a Chloe.

[Bob Kevoian]

So that's how it happens now. Had any of them been boys? Did you have names picked out?

[Mark Shalafu]

Oh, yeah, I had all sorts of names. I, I wanted all sorts of boys. I was gonna go John, maybe a little Mark Junior. Although you can never really pull that off anymore.

[Bob Kevoian]

I give you. Well, that's always a trouble. I always say John Hinckley Jr. And that, that, that ends that discussion. So you were going to go with the junior.

[Mark Shalafu]

I think that would have been fun. I don't know that my wife would have gone for that. You know, she probably wouldn't have pulled the trigger on that. But I could have gone with a Mark Jr. In the mix.

[Tom Griswold]

What wasn't it?

[Christy Lee]

At one point moms would name daughters after them and they'd be a junior.

[Tom Griswold]

Right.

[Gracie Cannon]

I don't, I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

Did that ever become a thing?

[Tom Griswold]

I don't know.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think it's a lot rarer for, for a female child named after the

[Christy Lee]

mom, Jess and Jesse or something. Maybe for the kids.

[Leanne Morgan]

Oh, yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

Maybe.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, maybe.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Well, I had to go straight, just

[Mark Shalafu]

more straightforward because my last name stinks. Like shallow is not a fun last name for them to have so they can't have a weird first name too like that. Too much trouble.

[Christy Lee]

We've got to come up with some fake French that means shalafu. Means that like hog in the kitchen or something.

[Mark Shalafu]

See, I wish it did. I did look up what it actually meant and I was hoping it be like warrior or something. Cool.

[Bob Kevoian]

What does it mean?

[Mark Shalafu]

Bald man.

[Kelly Colette]

Really?

[Tom Griswold]

Bald man.

[Mark Shalafu]

That's fun.

[Christopher]

Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

Are you bald?

[Mark Shalafu]

Not yet.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Mark Shalafu]

Not even living up to my name. It's not great for my daughters.

[Bob Kevoian]

You could have gone with a rhyme like, I mean, I don't know, Boo Boo Shalafu or.

[Mark Shalafu]

Yeah. If I wanted her to have a reality show.

[Christy Lee]

Here comes.

[Bob Kevoian]

I was just thinking about. You could call her Lucy Shallafu and. But you could call her Lulu so she'd be Lulu Shalafu.

[Mark Shalafu]

Lulu Shalafu's fun.

[Christy Lee]

That's cool.

[Mark Shalafu]

I don't love Lucy as much. That seems a little old fashioned.

[Tom Griswold]

That's my daughter's name.

[Mark Shalafu]

That's your. Oh, wow. Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow. Well, thanks for coming by, Mark.

[Mark Shalafu]

You really buffed that one.

[Bob Kevoian]

You can't get that.

[Mark Shalafu]

That's why you have to have seven kids. Then a few more cracks.

[Christy Lee]

He'll get it right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Joining us, the studio comedian Mark shallow fou. Hey, Mr. Shalafu. Father of three, all pre teens.

[Mark Shalafu]

Yes. Young girls, 12, 10 and five.

[Bob Kevoian]

All right.

[Mark Shalafu]

Yeah, those are fun ages. I mean, here's what I don't like though about those ages are the fact that they will tell their teachers just any family gossip, just without context, you know though I was teaching the five year old how to ride her bike and I was putting her helmet on her, pinch the skin under her, her neck. The next day she just went in and told her teacher, I hate it when my dad tries to snap my neck. That's all she said. Just left it at that. That's coming up in conferences. So. Yes, I don't care for that.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

The police arrive at your door. Okay, I can, I can see that. We do have a young lady right over there. She is Ms. Jessica Hooker and she is sitting in for Christy Lee at the Silac Insurance news desk with her black turtle turtleneck and her black glasses.

[Christy Lee]

Gonna break into a house later.

[Bob Kevoian]

What do you call that hairdo?

[Gracie Cannon]

I call it the grow out. I, I had a pixie for a little bit and now I'm trying to grow it out. So I don't know. I feel like it's Dorothy Hamill. Ish.

[Oliver Pardo]

A little bit.

[Gracie Cannon]

It's rough right now.

[Tom Griswold]

It's kind of like George Harrison on the Ed Sullivan Show. Yeah. Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

You're dead on, right?

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

That helps. Willie.

[Kelly Colette]

Thanks.

[Tom Griswold]

We're in the room. I don't. You're the best. I'm so sorry. No, no, no, it's okay.

[Jim Gaffigan]

A dude.

[Christy Lee]

She'll be.

[Tom Griswold]

She'll be.

[Christy Lee]

No, I mean, I cry about it later. It's all right.

[Mark Shalafu]

That early.

[Bob Kevoian]

That sort of like third year of the Beatles where they hadn't gone full

[Christy Lee]

hippie one day without talking about the Beatles.

[Gracie Cannon]

No, it's okay. My stylist told me the other day, she said you're going to. When you're growing out, you're going to have four good weeks and four bad weeks until you reach where you want to go. And I'm in a bad four week period, so.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, a four week period would be really raw. Wow. Crabby.

[Christy Lee]

Sometimes the people you're married to, the period lasts their entire married life. Did you know that, Tom, you should grow out your. You should grow out your hair. Be ponytail guy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, ponytail. Bald guy.

[Christy Lee]

Ponytail, yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, wait a minute. Is that. Is that. Is that the skullet?

[Josh Arnold]

That's the skull, yeah.

[Gracie Cannon]

Kind of.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

It would look so cool if you had that luscious white hair dripping out of your cowboy hat. There you go.

[Mark Shalafu]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Popping out of the back. Back of that. That thing in the back of the camp. Yeah, that's a good look for me.

[Christy Lee]

And you just go, giddy up, ladies. They would be crawling to the door.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's your line. Giddy up.

[Christy Lee]

Giddy up, ladies.

[Bob Kevoian]

Giddy up, ladies. Okay, I'll have to write that down. The Psylac insurance news desk does have some content today. What do we got?

[Gracie Cannon]

Scientists say Viagra may reverse the damage behind one type of deafness.

[Bob Kevoian]

Think about this. Great news.

[Gracie Cannon]

Researchers discovered genetic mutations which cause some patients. People to be born with hearing loss known as sensory, neural, hearing loss. Scientists were able to identify a common supplement, L Arginine and the erectile dysfunction drug Cil. That's Viagra, right? As potential therapies to repair some of the damage caused by the condition.

[Bob Kevoian]

So it. It wouldn't work for like the deafness that I'm suffering from listening to headphones for too long?

[Gracie Cannon]

No, I don't think that that kind. This is very specific, so.

[Bob Kevoian]

But wouldn't that be weird though, if you were. If you were given this stuff and this. The side effect yeah, was, you know, better hearing.

[Gracie Cannon]

Yeah, that would be great.

[Christy Lee]

Better hearing and hair growth.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Talk about hard of hearing. This. I. Because the type of hearing loss that some of us in this room have from. Yeah. From doing radio for so long and having the headphones too loud or being exp. Like a lot of musicians are, especially the older ones that were kind of pre in ear monitors, their hearing is shot. It would be great if they could figure out a way to help help us with that.

[Gracie Cannon]

Well, if that was the c. I mean you guys are the demographic for Viagra, so if you. I'm just saying if it were effective that way you guys would be able to hear each other better.

[Christy Lee]

You know, I'm sitting here thinking to

[Gracie Cannon]

me,

[Tom Griswold]

I think that's why.

[Christy Lee]

Why I stopped like going out to lunch and things other than I don't care to go out anymore. But restaurants, restaurants are just. Forget it. I can't hear at all, man. Whoever's talking to me, I would choose

[Gracie Cannon]

a restaurant based on that.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Quieter the better. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Because that's extraneous noise makes it very difficult to hear.

[Mark Shalafu]

Yeah. You don't want to take your Viagra before going to lunch. No way.

[Christy Lee]

But they have really good sandwiches.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but it'll be. It'll be handy the evening. And you can hear your wife say no. A little bit better. So now, Pat, you've got your guitar out.

[Tom Griswold]

So you're saying you take a Viagra

[Bob Kevoian]

and there's a possibility that your hearing is going to get better.

[Tom Griswold]

I can hear clearly now. My is hard. I took a Viagra and hear y loud and clear, man. Oh, you're saying no. I had no idea, dear. It's gonna be a loud, hard, rejection filled day. All this time I thought you were into me but I pop a pill and here that isn't so. You have no desire for such intimacy. Oh, I hear you. It's gonna be a loud, hard, rejection filled day. But on the bright side, a big erection and no hearing aids.

[Josh Arnold]

I can hear.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, thank you very much.

[Bob Kevoian]

The only aid you've got, hearing aids. That's nice. Good to know. Let's go back to the Silac Insurance news desk, shall we?

[Gracie Cannon]

Yes. Several schools in Australia were shut down after asbestos was discovered in a brand of colorful sand that was being used for school activities. That's not funny. Officials issued a nationwide recall for multiple brands of the sand after lab testing confirmed the contamination.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but good news, no playground fires.

[Christy Lee]

You know, playground fire, probably

[Bob Kevoian]

kids get to learn how to spell Mesothelioma.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Inhaling asbestos. Yeah. Another one. That's good.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you have at your school? We used to have mercury Monday. Now did you have ever. You're in school and someone dropped a thermometer and the mercury balls. We'd be rolling around with my dad.

[Christy Lee]

My dad had access to mercury at the factory and he would bring home like beakers of it and I'd play around with it.

[Gracie Cannon]

That's what's wrong with you.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah. I still. Every now and then I'll walk by microwave and piss my pants. You don't play with it. You don't play around with that stuff. Just stay away from.

[Christopher]

We're coming right back with more. The best of the Bob and Tom Show. It's Duke Tomato and the Power Trio when they were in studio live. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Tom Griswold]

I know it's getting late at night and I know you're tired and I know that right now the headlines have got you down. But what do you want me to do about it? And I know we're generating higher trade deficits. And I know that the International Monetary Fund is creating social havoc in Indonesia. And I. I know that the tendency

[Oliver Pardo]

for global economic overcapacity to slow consumer

[Tom Griswold]

spending, coupled with that of American multinational

[Oliver Pardo]

corporations to export high wage jobs could

[Tom Griswold]

result in a global collapse of demand causing rising unemployment, lowered profits and rising trade deficits. But what do you want me to do about it,

[Oliver Pardo]

everybody?

[Tom Griswold]

And I know there's a hole in the ozone layer. And I know that atmospheric temperatures are on the red. And I know that most environmental scientists agree that increased carbon dioxide levels caused by the excessive burning of fossil fuels to cause the glaciers to melt and the sea levels to rise, thus rendering mankind destined to extinction and the vast death of the solar system. But what do you want me to do about it? En espanol, yo se que el mundo es loco. In Ebonics I know that 5 will always be bugging. I know y' all ain't digging what it is.

[Kelly Colette]

And I know.

[Tom Griswold]

I know that all these beltway heads and the honky house be flapping they gums bad rapping the blow up boys in the hood be getting jacked up for chump change Going by the projects, getting slapped upside they head. But why you be all up in my stuff?

[Oliver Pardo]

I know there's people dying all over the world.

[Tom Griswold]

And I know there's people dying pulling their cars off inside of the road right now. But what do you want me to do about it?

[Christopher]

Hope you're having A good Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. And this is the Best of the Bob and Tom Show. Don't forget, the Bob and Tom Pop up store is now open through Sunday, July 12. It's a limited time chance to get some Bob and Tom stuff like a baseball cap, a Pat Godwin T shirt, the radio wood stuff, sweatshirts, cotton fleeces, T shirts, all that great stuff. Check it out. The Bob and Tom Pop up store is now open. Here's a segment with Duke Tomato and the Power Trio on the Best of the Bob and Tom Show.

[Christy Lee]

Hello, Tom Griswold.

[Bob Kevoian]

How's it going?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, doing well.

[Josh]

What are you doing over there?

[Christy Lee]

I don't even know.

[Josh Arnold]

We have Duke Tomato.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, we're on the air and he's gone through the taxes, I guess. I don't know what.

[Bob Kevoian]

We're gonna get a new song out of Duke in just a second. But first, I understand there is a special guest artist in the music room.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, my goodness. Oh, that's right. Oh, Normally we do this on Friday, but hey, I couldn't pass up the chance to work with the band. So we're doing it Thursday. We give you a lot of news. We don't give you all the news. So I'm here to give you the news that we failed to mention.

[Bob Kevoian]

Here's Jeff Oskate with Fail to mention news. Now, is our drummer, Mr. Willette, going to be able to do the appropriate drum hit during the jokes? We're gonna find out.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay, let's do it. We learned that bats can get drunk. What? You failed to mention. Yeah, that's why they hang upside down. Too drunk to stand up straight. Well, it helped.

[Bob Kevoian]

That didn't quite save, but try another one.

[Josh Arnold]

Two students killed a bear and skinned it back at their dorm room. Well, you failed to mention. RFK Jr has never been more proud.

[Bob Kevoian]

He famously picked up a dead bear. Never mind.

[Josh Arnold]

All right. Oh, if you love that, you're really gonna dig this. We learned about a thing up in Wisconsin called a cannibal sandwich. The sandwich consists of raw ground beef served atop a piece of chocolate toast. And as a popular treat during the holidays, well, you failed to mention. Hey, what'd you get for Christmas worms?

[Tom Griswold]

You got a better one?

[Josh Arnold]

Okay. A man with a support alligator was denied entrance into Walmart. Well, you failed to mention. It won't be long till he has a support monkey to open all of his cans and jars after the support gator chops off both of his hands.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Hey,

[Bob Kevoian]

Buddy Rich.

[Josh Arnold]

Who invited Jean?

[Bob Kevoian]

Hey, can you. Hey, can you play Wipeout? I grew up playing jazz, so this

[Tom Griswold]

is, like, right up my alley.

[Oliver Pardo]

I love it.

[Josh Arnold]

Keep it going, Dawson. It's about the jokes Oscar doesn't tell.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

Which are none of them. We learned that Tom gets all of his new jeans hemmed at a tailor. What you failed to mention is it rip tail. Because those jeans are a joke. Waist, 30 inseam 16. When I looked up Rip Taylor today, I also noticed he looks a lot like your friend Mark.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, he does.

[Josh Arnold]

That'll probably be the last time I get invited to lunch. Let's see this. North Korea.

[Tom Griswold]

Yay.

[Josh Arnold]

Hey, we all love North Korea, don't we? Oh, sure.

[Christy Lee]

One of these days, baby.

[Josh Arnold]

They're now executing people for watching foreign countries content from America. What? You failed to mention putting some actual bang into the Big Bang theory.

[Oliver Pardo]

Whoa.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, even Dawson. He's not having it. Not a fan. And finally, you ready for this? I want a big. I want a big out.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Sure about that?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. Let's do it. Let's go big. And finally, we learned some. Alcohol increases your foreign language skills. What you failed to mention, while too much alcohol increases your bad language towards foreigners.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know, ordinarily, he doesn't end with a profound truth. That sure is. The alcohol increases racism, I think is the way to go with that. It's a true thing. It's a fact.

[Josh Arnold]

We're learning a lot about Tommy.

[Josh]

Right?

[Josh Arnold]

I don't know how true it is on it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Christy Lee]

And one more thing. You know, I didn't tell you about this.

[Bob Kevoian]

I would say it's time to check in with the band.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

We have the Duke Tomato Trio is here with us.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And let's get another song out of you, Duke. And is. Does this one also feature the brass to mouth horns the entire album? There's one song that they don't play

[Tom Griswold]

on because I think didn't show up. I guess they didn't. I think the checks didn't go through.

[Bob Kevoian]

They're here today, so let's.

[Tom Griswold]

You know I love you.

[Oliver Pardo]

I do.

[Tom Griswold]

My every thought is of you. Have you here by my side the dream come true.

[Josh Arnold]

You.

[Tom Griswold]

You know I need you so many

[Mark Shalafu]

ways

[Tom Griswold]

you feel my heart

[Mark Shalafu]

My night and day

[Tom Griswold]

have you here by my side the dream come true.

[Jim Gaffigan]

What a thong.

[Tom Griswold]

You were gone My poor heart

[Bob Kevoian]

broken too.

[Tom Griswold]

And now that you're here everything seems so. You know why won't you stay here with me? That's what I pray have you here by my side. Your dream come true. Sam.

[Mark Shalafu]

And did

[Tom Griswold]

those things

[Jim Gaffigan]

you felt you

[Tom Griswold]

needed to do and now you back

[Mark Shalafu]

your head

[Tom Griswold]

and I'm telling you everything seems so clear. You know I bumped you. Stay

[Mark Shalafu]

here with me.

[Tom Griswold]

Lord, I pray have you here by

[Josh]

my side

[Tom Griswold]

Dream come true. To have you here Here by my side

[Josh]

Is a dream

[Tom Griswold]

come true.

[Mark Shalafu]

Duke.

[Christy Lee]

Duke.

[Bob Kevoian]

From the new album. Have you seen my keys? And we're going to have, I think, a special treat. Are you heading down there there, Pat? For a little bit of.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm gonna stay right here.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, okay.

[Mark Shalafu]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Gonna do a long range. Yeah, long range, baby.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, now explain what we're gonna do

[Tom Griswold]

a song about bedwetting.

[Gracie Cannon]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is real. You were a bedwetter. I was a bedwetter growing up, and I.

[Josh Arnold]

11 or 12.

[Bob Kevoian]

I forget. Isn't there a scientific name for this?

[Josh Arnold]

It's called nocturnal.

[Tom Griswold]

It's called nocturnal and uresis.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And how long did this last?

[Tom Griswold]

Until I was about 10 or 11. Yeah.

[Kelly Colette]

Or it was.

[Tom Griswold]

It dissipated over time, but it was still. Still there. Random moments would happen. Be very embarrassing.

[Christy Lee]

It's rough.

[Tom Griswold]

Joshua too, right? Or you have you had an issue, babe?

[Josh Arnold]

That's right.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. We know how painful that can be. So I wrote a blues song for you. Yeah, give me a. Get me started there, Duke. Give me the. Give me the rift there, baby. And hey, baby, keep me nestled in a.

[Mark Shalafu]

Hey, here we go.

[Oliver Pardo]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

I woke up this morning there something was a mess My mattress was ruined I'm soaking in my own piss Electric blanket was plugged in oh, you blew a spark Look D was dark I got the nocturn. And your recess of you know I do oh, it's so bad what's a bummer when you're nine I'm undateable at 52 take me to a dry place Duke I play me something for a while oh, yeah. Oh, you forget my leg Lay that towel down on the wet span Dry me off, baby with you heat.

[Gracie Cannon]

Hang those.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hang those sheets out for the neighbors Too embarrassing.

[Tom Griswold]

Clean them first real good. Double with the bleach Make Michael Landon crown Sarah Silverman.

[Oliver Pardo]

I know you feel my feelings

[Tom Griswold]

all right. I can't sleep over at a friend's house like Chick or Tommy G.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I'm

[Tom Griswold]

afraid I'll wake up and see if tranquility. I forgot the second verse.

[Kelly Colette]

Oh.

[Tom Griswold]

Cause you know I'm getting older I still wagon up in piercing and the bed is cold why, why, why? I got the nocturnal oh, you know

[Oliver Pardo]

I do

[Tom Griswold]

and your ass is blue oh, that thank God that's no number two undatable at 51. Cold wedding all alone at 62. So sad.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thank you very much. Glad you got through it. You're a bit. If you're a bedwetter, please call 4. 7. Oh, sorry.

[Christopher]

We are coming right back on this Friday morning along Fourth of July weekend. We've got Jim Gaffigan and John Heffron coming up next hour. But next, father and son Oliver and Jimmy Parker Ricardo on the Bob and Tom Show. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back on a Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. The guys will be back in here live in the studio on Tuesday morning after a long Fourth of July weekend. Here's the segment. Father and son Oliver and Jimmy Pardo on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Josh Arnold]

We're joined by one of our favorite people and comedians and son.

[Josh]

It's Nepo morning around here.

[Bob Kevoian]

Bring your son to work day. Willie G. Is here with me. And Jimmy Pardo's son Oliver is here.

[Christy Lee]

Hey, Oliver, how are you?

[Oliver Pardo]

Hi. Good. How are you?

[Josh Arnold]

What a pleasure to meet you.

[Oliver Pardo]

Very nice to meet you as well. I'm very excited to be here.

[Bob Kevoian]

And now, Oliver, you are taller than your dad.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Mark Shalafu]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Leanne Morgan]

That's.

[Tom Griswold]

That's what we open with.

[Christopher]

I was gonna say.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, Willie is taller than. Than I am.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, you didn't say that. What you said was, hey, you're. You're taller than your father who we've been making fun of for the past 37 years. So we'll.

[Bob Kevoian]

We'll get to something nice.

[Tom Griswold]

Willie, just so this young man is Tom's son. So that's all the Nepo. Yeah, that's why I said they wouldn't

[Oliver Pardo]

do that to you.

[Tom Griswold]

They're doing it to me.

[Oliver Pardo]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And you'll notice the sons seem to have better hair.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Something about youth, huh?

[Leanne Morgan]

Yeah.

[Christopher]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now, we did something. Ace was kind enough to do something in honor of your dad. I don't know if you noticed that, but if you look at the cap, it is a. It is a KISS cap. The band kiss.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And now I know Jimmy is a, as you know, a veteran. Not drafted, but volunteered.

[Christy Lee]

That's right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Several tours of duty in the KISS army.

[Tom Griswold]

And as you know, I'm no longer part of that. I was willing to rock roll tonight. I was not willing to party every day.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I see.

[Tom Griswold]

So I may wall right now. Ace, you. There's a 75 year old man dressed kitty cat roaming the streets looking for me.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, I hear him calling.

[Tom Griswold]

Are you come home right now, Oliver.

[Bob Kevoian]

Are You a KISS fan?

[Oliver Pardo]

Oh, I love Kiss. I'm a big KISS fan.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm a big.

[Oliver Pardo]

Just classic rock fan, period. I'm a big classic rock fan. I learned them all from like, you know, Guitar Hero is kind of how I. How I got into all of those kind of classic rock songs. So it's kind of an eye opening because I'm going to all the concerts now. You know, I've got some like Kiss on their farewell tour and all that. It's been eye opening because I always assume the boos were part of the song. So seeing them live, there's no booze anymore.

[Josh Arnold]

When you make a mistake on guitar.

[Oliver Pardo]

Yeah, you make a mistake, the crowd

[Josh]

starts booing at you.

[Oliver Pardo]

Now I'm seeing them live and I'm like, hey, they actually know how to play.

[Tom Griswold]

This is crazy.

[Oliver Pardo]

The frets don't fly off midway through the song. This is huge. It's very exciting.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, Guitar Hero was. That was big. But it kind of had its day and then went away.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, it sure was fun, though. And I. I always heard guitar players say Guitar Hero was harder than playing guitar.

[Christy Lee]

Wait, that's.

[Jim Gaffigan]

That's true.

[Josh Arnold]

That's. That's just what I. I heard a couple different guitar players say.

[Josh]

Really?

[Oliver Pardo]

Really.

[Josh Arnold]

But maybe just for them, because they were so used to doing it, a certain.

[Tom Griswold]

I wasn't good at either of them. I couldn't those, you know, red. I did the. The beginner I could do.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

But then one step up where you had to add three colors.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm out.

[Christopher]

I'm on.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm a two color guitar player. You guys know that now.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oliver, how old are you, may I ask?

[Oliver Pardo]

18.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay. What, what is your educational stat at this point?

[Oliver Pardo]

I'm currently in college. I'm studying screenwriting, but I'm also doing a little bit of theater. Trying to maybe minor in theater at a point. I. I used to do theater a lot. I. One time I did community theater like last summer.

[Christy Lee]

Nice.

[Oliver Pardo]

And. Yeah, thank you. I was a. One of the plays we were doing one of the days, they didn't have my costume ready yet, so they were like, here's a. Here's some pants for you to try on. Just for now, just for this one day of rehearsal. Use these pants. We're gonna get you some back better pants tomorrow. Because these pants did not fit me at all. They were both too short and too wide. I don't know what that build is, but they were like way too big. They were falling down and they went to my knees. So I Don't really know, you know, what, you know, Wide Child that was for. But they told me to wear those pants. And then at the end of the day, they were like, all right, we gotta get out of here. We were here way too long. The people who own this theater, they're gonna kick us out. So we're like, we gotta move. So like, I was like, okay. So we were running out of the theater. I was like, hold on, give me a second. I can't find my new. I'm still just wearing these real pants. I don't have my real pants that I came in with. And they're like, but you gotta go, you gotta move. And I was like, all right, well, hold on, give me a second. Cause I can't walk home in these, you know, ridiculous pants. They're like, you gotta go. I was like, I guess I gotta go. So I'm walking home, I had to take the metro. And I'm wearing these ridiculous pants. They're falling down with every step, you know? Cause I'm wearing these pants, they're not real pants, and they're falling down and I'm walking all the way home. And I'm like, you're not even supposed to take these pants out of the room. So I'm like sneaking past them. I'm like, running away from the director because they're not supposed to see me in these costume bands. And I'm like, running away and I got these fake pants and they're falling down. And like, this is horrible. I come back the next day and I'm like, you know, alright, well, I gotta find my real pants now. So I'm, you know, taking off these ridiculous fake costume pants that don't even fit me. And I go over to the costuming guy and I say, hey, this is a ridiculous question, but have you seen my real pants? And he goes, no, I haven't. And he goes, what, do you think they're stolen? I go, yeah. I mean, no, not really. You know, I was like, kidding around. Comes, I'm not kidding. People steal pants around here.

[Tom Griswold]

What does that mean?

[Oliver Pardo]

And he was like, you know what? I know you're new to the, you know, you're new to this theater, but I'm just going to tell you that's something that's going to happen. You're going to have to watch out. Don't get to attach any pair of pants. It was. It was the weirdest thing in the world. It was bizarre.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Give a favorite pair of pants in your normal life.

[Oliver Pardo]

I do I got to be honest. That was my favorite pair of pants I lost.

[Tom Griswold]

You lost the one A pants?

[Oliver Pardo]

Yeah, I'm really.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think everybody does. They might not admit it, but you. You know, today I'm wearing my favorite pants.

[Josh]

Well, do you have the same pants, but multiple? Like, I have my favorite pants, but I have four of them.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I do that.

[Josh Arnold]

I did it, too.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but they're still two navy, two black. Just like kids. They're all unequal, but, you know, you

[Tom Griswold]

like one a little bit more.

[Bob Kevoian]

There's that one favorite pair of pants that feel just right.

[Josh Arnold]

Just like kids. Willie, I. I can't.

[Tom Griswold]

I can't believe it. I mean, I don't think your one A. Yesterday. Yesterday we were on air, and I recommended something, and he goes, oh, that sounds great. I have to try that with my kids. And I want to be like, I am your kids. What are we doing?

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, now, once again, we have the other kid in the room is Oliver Pardo, son of Jimmy Pardo, and they're doing a little mini tour. Now, the way this show works, you're going to get a chance to hear Christy Leap do a little bit of news, and then you can weigh in if you have a thought about it.

[Oliver Pardo]

All right, great.

[Bob Kevoian]

So you never know. You never know where this is going. Much like your father's act. Hey, no, that's the. Be.

[Tom Griswold]

That. That's a compliment.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Tom Griswold]

I said, hey, like was an insult,

[Bob Kevoian]

but that's not an insult anyway of it. Every night, it's different. There's always something coming up, and he's got interaction with the audience.

[Josh Arnold]

But you see how you. You've trained yourself to his bullying, I assume.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes, I was getting insulted, and it was like, wait a minute.

[Kelly Colette]

That's. That's.

[Tom Griswold]

That is my act. It's always. It's always, hey, no. Oh, wait, heads up now.

[Christy Lee]

That's fine.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's fresh and new. He talks to the audience, sees what happens.

[Christy Lee]

That's cool.

[Josh]

How many shows have you guys done together? So.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, what would you say? So I would say 20, 22.

[Josh]

Oh, wow.

[Tom Griswold]

Right around that 22. What about 2022 right now? Ballpark seems very specific. I think it's that many.

[Oliver Pardo]

I would say it's probably around that. Yeah.

[Christopher]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

When Oliver. When you're done with your set, do you say something like, oh, thank you so much. Stick around for dad?

[Oliver Pardo]

Yeah, I know everybody's gonna leave, but you know what? We got this old man. He's gonna.

[Tom Griswold]

Let's just tolerate it, get through it, then we'll do the meet and greet afterwards.

[Bob Kevoian]

Here's an hour in the middle. Between that, you might want to hit the bar. Bathrooms are open.

[Tom Griswold]

I think he says, if you think my references are old, get a load of this next guy. This guy's gonna mention something a McMillan and wife about 17 times. Get ready for some Mannix jokes. There's.

[Christy Lee]

I did.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that's the. I mean, every day. Someone should keep track of what the most obscure reference we make on this show.

[Josh Arnold]

Every day.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Come on.

[Josh]

What do you mean? You make.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but I mean, we've had some really obscure.

[Josh]

Charlie. Today was one of them.

[Tom Griswold]

Choo Choo Charlie. He's a heck of a trainer.

[Bob Kevoian]

I couldn't remember which candy it was. And then I remembered why I didn't remember. Because it's the worst candy ever made.

[Tom Griswold]

Is it Charles and Chew.

[Josh]

Is that Good and Plenty?

[Bob Kevoian]

Not a good candy.

[Tom Griswold]

You don't like the licorice with this one sweet coating?

[Bob Kevoian]

No, I get.

[Tom Griswold]

I gotta be honest. When I was a child, I hated it. But I think now I would enjoy a nice Good and Plenty.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Godwin's on your side. You like?

[Tom Griswold]

I love it.

[Josh Arnold]

I loved it.

[Gracie Cannon]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'd have to see in. In candy sales. That's the democracy of candy.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, I would say it's at the zero.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I would say it's low.

[Josh]

Gotta be low.

[Christopher]

Low.

[Tom Griswold]

Can you think of one lower than the. Than the Good and Plenty? I don't know if you can.

[Josh Arnold]

Maybe Circus Peanuts.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, whatever. What about Almond Joy? That's the one that has nuts. Of course, Mountain Mounds doesn't pretty well. Mount is great. Yeah, but people don't like Almond Joy. That seems to be one of people that get upset by.

[Josh]

The only time you ever saw Good and Plenty was at the movie theater. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And I think it was a classic example of a great jingle making kids think this is going to taste good. And you'd get. And go away. Oh, you know, I could have spent that money a lot better.

[Tom Griswold]

You're watching Herbie the Love Bug and you think you're gonna.

[Christopher]

You're.

[Tom Griswold]

That was the age of Good and Plenty. And you go, oh, you're right. Yeah, I hear the commercial. I'm gonna get Good and plenty, enjoy a 4 out of 10 Disney film. And then you open up your Good Plenty, say, oh, this. This thing just got sour.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, not good.

[Tom Griswold]

But there's plenty of it.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's kind of like your classic joke, Pat. When something is not necessarily going well, you'll say, well, that song Wasn't funny,

[Tom Griswold]

but at least it was long.

[Josh]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thank you.

[Josh]

Maybe that's why there's plenty in the name. Because there's going to be plenty left.

[Josh Arnold]

Oliver, have you even to tried. Tried good and plenty.

[Oliver Pardo]

I never had a good employee.

[Christopher]

No.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. They're little pellets kind of.

[Bob Kevoian]

They look like large pills.

[Tom Griswold]

Something.

[Oliver Pardo]

You're right to.

[Christy Lee]

They look like.

[Bob Kevoian]

Like large Prozac.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, are they that big?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, they look more like they're.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's like.

[Tom Griswold]

It's like a coated mike and Ike.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's like that.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, exactly. They're kind of capsules.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Black, white and pink. They come in three colors.

[Tom Griswold]

You know the popular candy colors.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know, because someone was sitting around going, wait a minute. M M's. M M's chocolate candy coating. Great ice idea. Melts your mouth, not in your hand. Perfect. Then some. We could do the same thing to licorice.

[Kelly Colette]

What?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. Who's choosing those over snow caps?

[Tom Griswold]

I'm not a fan of the snow cap.

[Josh]

You're not. I don't.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm not a dark chocolate guy so that you throw that. I don't. Those little things get caught.

[Christopher]

My.

[Kelly Colette]

I'm not.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm out. Those little things. What are those called?

[Josh]

Those little white things on the snow caps?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I don't know. Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, there's a name for it.

[Josh]

Yes.

[Kelly Colette]

I just thought.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, candy pellets.

[Gracie Cannon]

Right.

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Tom Griswold]

Are those the things you use to decorate like. Like a gingerbread house?

[Josh]

Kind of, I think.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Right.

[Kelly Colette]

Bikini.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Okay.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't know.

[Mark Shalafu]

Would that.

[Bob Kevoian]

What is nougat?

[Josh Arnold]

That's often found in the candy.

[Tom Griswold]

Is that in the musketeer? The three musketeer? Yeah, I think. I think it's at all.

[Christopher]

Is it a snicker?

[Tom Griswold]

It's. I think it's in the 90%.

[Bob Kevoian]

That does remind me. We've been talking about great walk up music.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Baseball players have it. We'd all like. You probably have it for your shows.

[Tom Griswold]

I walk up to make me smile by showing Chicago.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, great song.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

But I was thinking the day perhaps the instrumental from Journey to the center of the Mind with That's a Ted Nugent solo. Regardless of how you feel about Ted, I love that solo.

[Tom Griswold]

You know what I say about Ted? Horrible guitarist. Great American.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm a little surprised to hear.

[Tom Griswold]

I don't like the way he noodles about. But Maddie's got good things to say. Good Lord. I once made fun of Ted Nugent on the show and the. The president of the Ted Nugent Fan club. I've already alerted Ted to your thoughts. Okay, what am I gonna do? Get hit in the neck with an arrow? What you gonna do? Well, you better be careful. I think I'll hear the buffalo a coming.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's one of my favorite jokes. You know that joke about buffalo coming?

[Josh]

No, no.

[Tom Griswold]

What could this be?

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, you don't know that joke?

[Jim Gaffigan]

No, man.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, it's when. Don't. Do not.

[Tom Griswold]

Oliver, cover your ears.

[Josh Arnold]

And also. Yeah, you're putting your ear to the ground and.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Josh]

You know what is safe? Simply safe.

[Bob Kevoian]

What a great idea.

[Tom Griswold]

Welcome, Oliver.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, the, the, the, the.

[Mark Shalafu]

It's.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's a joke involving, we know, some somewhat light grasp of the English language and sense sentence structure.

[Tom Griswold]

You think my references are old? Oliver, tell them what your walk up music is.

[Oliver Pardo]

My walk up music is the beginning of signs by five man electrical band. Before it gets into like. The real part is they just kind of like goof around for a little while.

[Josh Arnold]

He's 18.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. Why is he going walking up to something that a 74 year old man would walk?

[Josh Arnold]

He didn't even go with Tesla signs which is dated.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Christopher]

More funny comedians are on the way. Next, John Hefron is in studio. I think Willie's in this one as well. So come on back. This is the Bob and Tom show.

[Tom Griswold]

He gave two thumbs up like Roger Ebert. Two thumbs up. On Independence Day in an accident at our backyard fireworks display, my dad gave two thumbs up. Taboo, taboo, taboo. Our neighbor heard the screaming and ran out to his young and got the finger from my dad. More than one. And gunpowder was found underneath dad's fingernails. Underneath a Chevrolet parked half a mile away. My dad always had my mother. My mother wrapped around his little finger. Tell us more. Well, that finger and my mom landed on the roof. She got cuts and bruises and shingles.

[Kelly Colette]

Ouch.

[Tom Griswold]

As dad recovered, visitors came by. His insurance man came and went unrecognized. Cause to my dad everybody looked like good hands. People he can't do here's the church. He can't do here's the steeple.

[Bob Kevoian]

Except up to his second knuckle man.

[Tom Griswold]

I'm hoping that his luck will be better next time. Have a safe, safe, safe, safe. Fourth, fourth of July.

[Mark Shalafu]

This is the way we rehearsed it, you guys.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey, you guys,

[Christy Lee]

would you mind stop snapping your fingers.

[Tom Griswold]

It makes my dad jealous.

[Christopher]

Back now with more of the Bob and Tom show on a Friday morning. This is Christopher here in the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a segment with John. Heffron and I think Willie Griswold's in studio in this one as well.

[Bob Kevoian]

John Heffron, a distinguished comedian for many years, and we've established a few things. You just moved. You were living on a farm there for a while. You've been married for. You said you think five years.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Since I last saw you. I don't recall you wearing glasses before. This is just part of the age of process, this.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, yeah. It's definitely because I'm 50. I said 56. I'm only 55. I don't know. I. I don't do good numbers. Yeah, I have our numbers, guys, but. So I'm supposed to wear contacts on stage because I have positional vertigo. But here's what I. You guys will wear contacts. Average amount of time it takes. Put contacts in about an hour and 25 minutes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay. And here's what I realized about contacts. You need glasses on to put contacts is a thing that I can't. So what happens is, is. So I have one eye. This eye is 350.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Right. And this eye is 125.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, my.

[Tom Griswold]

So it's weird. So everyone on this side of the room, I see your soul. Everybody on this side of the room, I see there's a hair right here that I missed. So kind of like there's a moth on my ring cam. Just kind of annoy. Um, but so even before here, I'm like, I'm going to wear my contact. So I look at the. You know, it says left or right? You got to look at the. I don't know who designed. Because if you don't want contacts to come in this, like, make nugget dipping sauce thing. Right. And then you have to look at the number and go, oh, that's the left or right side. But I don't know who wrote the number.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Because they're like, hey, we got a. What size font should we use right here? A three, probably. Yeah. But the people can't see it. I don't care about the people. And then some guy at the meeting raised his hand and goes, listen, I know a guy who can paint battleships on rice. Do you want to get him to write the numbers? Yes, get that guy. Now we have room for random serial numbers and a website.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. And they also. That. Remember that fad on stereos when people had stereos to do? Pretty much dark gray ink on black. Yeah, yeah. You can't read anything. You can't see it.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I don't. I. I thought I put contacts in and walked around the house, and I was like, oh, I. I see Claire. You know, I saw p. Posters or not pictures on the wall that I could never read. Like, we have a rules of the house. This is my wife. Wife has like, this house is laughter and joy and supper. And it's like. And if you keep reading. And we have the right to sell your information to third parties, right? You just keep reading and you have to say, and I saw that. And then the whole day, I thought I saw better. Then I went to brush my teeth, looked down into the sink. It saw two contacts. So what did that mean? They never made it into my face, but the whole day I saw better. I had placebo contacts. And it works.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

What does positional vertigo mean?

[Tom Griswold]

It's. I had it on stage. It's weird. It's. If I move my head too quick or up and down, I'm done, right? So I was on stage a couple months ago, and the whole room started spitting like Superman. So I grab a hold of the mic because I think I'm gonna fall, and then I start to flop sweat, right? And then this lady heckles me. And if you don't know me as comic, I don't get heckled a lot because for 36 years, I only make fun of myself. I don't do jokes about race, religion, or I'm vanilla. I throw softballs. I'm. I'm the matchbox 20 of comedy. You guys will enjoy me, but you're indifferent. Like, people will come to my show and go, that guy was hilarious. And if there was a police sketch artist and go, can you tell us what is look like? They'll go, no, he didn't know nothing. Nothing about him. Stuck. Stuck. I just know I enjoyed myself for that. So I'm sweating like crazy, and the lady in the front row just goes, please go to the hospital. So then I get off stage, and I find this little room at the comedy club, and I fall and I. And I throw up. And you know, the comedy club man managers, God love them, but at this point, my life. They all were fired from Dave and Busters, and now they're over managing comedy clubs, and they're. They're 20, and they want to make sure, you know, you know, can you keep your time tight? We have two shows Saturday. Yeah, I knew that in 87 when I started.

[Christopher]

Thank you.

[Tom Griswold]

Thank you for explaining that to me. You know, I'm not an Instagram star. We have to explain how. So I'm on the ground throwing up and Man, I threw up a piece of Hubba Bubba from 1982 and the manager kid is above me going, do

[Kelly Colette]

you wanna,

[Tom Griswold]

should you go to the hospital? And here he's a young kid, so he doesn't know a couple things. I'm a 55 year old married guy. I don't have, do I go to the hospital. Decision making capabilities. That's not my department.

[Kelly Colette]

That's not.

[Tom Griswold]

I don'. Type of. You have to, you have to ask the wife, does he go to the hospital? I don't have, I don't have that type of. Because my wife did that recently. I went to Costco for my glasses just because they like hot dogs. I don't have time to get into it. So she texted me again and she goes, hey, while you're at Costco, can you look at washer and dryers? Which I thought was a funny text because again, I don't have the power of attorney to purchase a washer and dryer. And so we had to get two now new ones and the ones we had the brand not a fan of. I don't know who your sponsors are, so with this thing, I'll just say it plays a five minute song when it thinks it's done. So our washer and dryers are very Gen Z, like very zennial.

[Christy Lee]

Here's why.

[Tom Griswold]

You could throw a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans into the washer. It'll get to the spin cycle and

[Bob Kevoian]

go

[Tom Griswold]

and then stop and just go, I'm, I'm, I'm unbalanced. I just, I just, I just don't, I feel unbalanced. I don't think you're giving me the safe space I need to. And then you just yell at it, you know, open the lid, right? And then our dryer is the same, you know, same thing in my, our dryer is like we, we sense when clothes are dry. We just sense it. We're, we're a Montessori dryer. We believe in clothes first and we don't like to label all the clothes as dry because some clothes don't dry at the same speed. So we don't want those clothes to feel less dense. So we let them just dry at their own speed. So then that real quick. Then it made me think of growing up. So I was born, right? We were up and then I went to my parents house and there was a wash, washer, a dryer and refrigerator already there before I got there. In my entire life, I don't remember a new one coming in my entire life. They did replace. And I think back to the washer and dryers of the 70s and 80s and follow me on this one. Washer and dryers now are coddled. You listening? You probably have your washer and dryer. There's probably shiplap behind it with subway tile. And then there's a sign that, that says laundry and suds 5 cents. Right. So our washer dryers back then you'd have to go downstairs, pull the click, the light, the hope you don't get murdered.

[Mark Shalafu]

Right.

[Tom Griswold]

And they were that lime green yellow and there was no unbalanced. I just pictured them being very Detroit Teamstery. Those washers like look, you get your job done. You're unbalanced, balanced, you, you take it home. Okay, what are your curling iron. That's right. And you could put snowmobile boots in there. A little brother, right? And now we go and then you come downstairs and it was 10ft off the wall and your mom's sitting on it, which is weird. And then. Right, and then our dryer on ours has like seven this, like this one click. Just be nice to this shirt. Like just don't, like, don't tumble it hard. This one tumble for like a minute, then take a 30 second rest and then a minute and do five of those. Our dryer back then was, I don't even remember, like a timer. There's a button.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

And you hit it. And that attitude was, look, okay, you're not down here in 22 minutes. It all burns. It all burns. I'm not a baby, right. You rush down there, you touch it, steam would come out, reach her finger and you'd have Oshkosh branded onto your thumb. And then you pull out your favorite sweatshirt. Oh man, it looks, you got like you got it from wish or something. Oh God.

[Christopher]

All true.

[Bob Kevoian]

John Hefron. Hey, Absolute facts about contemporary life. Also an author of a. A non comedy book is safe to say called the Maskers. Kind of a sci fi meets.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, I did. If we have time, I'll give you a quick origin story. So I was driving to Costco. Remember that story from a little bit ago? So I'm driving there and my wife said, hey, you have to get tested today. I'm going to make this very quick. So I had to go to a clinic and at 55, get tested for ADD.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

So I walk into this room, it's me and some 14 year old old kid getting ready to take this thing. And the test taker person goes, okay everybody, you're gonna take this test, it's gonna be about three hours long. And I go, I have add. Was that the test? Was that the real test? Like the paper test doesn't mean anything, just how we respond. So I have add. Do I get a sticker or a dog? Now what, what happens? Right? So then I have not been in a desk to take a test since, gosh, probably Bon Jovi Never say goodbye was number one. So I'm sitting there, the 14 year old kid is just in it and I'm bored. So I did what I, what I did back in it. I took up my little knife, I carved the Van Halen symbol into the desk, I took out a marker, wrote this class sucks, drew a tie fighter. Then I got up for no reason, walked in in front and mimicked sharpening a pencil just because my body was like used to do this. And then I took the thing off and got rid of the shavings or just be a brown noser to the teacher.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

And then when I walked by a girl who was taking it, I had one of those paper things and I go, pick a color. And I did that little. And so I took the test and if you could score 20, I got like a 17, right? So then they go, hey, we're going to put you on Adderall. That'll make you feel better. Now I'm anti Big Farm. I'm like, I'm not taking a pill. Just you take a pill. So they go, just try it for one week. I go, I don't really want to do this. So I took it that morning and that afternoon I told my wife, I'm like, this isn't going to do anything. This isn't doing anything. I'm mad that I actually took it. And by the time nighttime came, I was so mad that I took an Adderall. I wrote an 80,000 word essay about how Adderall does not, not affect men in their 50s. And then when I was moving the garage from the left side of the house to the right, I'm like, the world needs to know that Adderall does nothing. So the musical comes out, I believe in February. And then, then that got us to this book where I'm like, I have this idea for a book. Boy, Adderall. Since Adderall's not working, I'm gonna knock out this book. So I wrote down a. I'm pretty proud of it. It's a science fiction book. Basically, it happens in the not too near future where there's no jobs, there's only a Gig economy. And so people put on a mask and they become the avatar that the customer wants them to be. Because everyone loves their avatars, right? And every time the masker does what the customer want, they get a 8 second, like, boost of energy, like. Like an endorphin rush. But then it goes away after eight seconds. And if you don't do what the customer wants, you don't get one. So everybody's a drug addict. With the. The Maskers, I went from that. I wrote a soundtrack for it. The. The Bad Company. I made a fake LinkedIn page for it all. All because Adderall does nothing for us.

[Bob Kevoian]

That book is called the Maskers and it is available on Amazon. There's even an article audiobook. But not your voice.

[Tom Griswold]

Not my voice, Nope.

[Bob Kevoian]

How did that conversation go? The publisher goes, well, you've got a nice book here.

[Tom Griswold]

I listen. I'm such a bad out loud reader. Like, remember when you're in school and the teacher go, everyone's gonna take a paragraph.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

And then you get nervous and you start counting the desks leading up to you. You're like, 1, 2, 3. And then you practice it. The Duck Bill Platypus is the only mammal. No, come on, man. Come on. Be more natural. Hey, guys, you know the Duck Bill Platypus, right? And then the girl in front of you would be like, the Duck Bill play. You're like, I miscounted. Now I gotta read it long. And it like, it bothers me reading. So I married into being a grandpa, right? So when I met my granddaughter Jane for the first time, I'm nervous, you know, you're beating them. And now kids have a lot of grandparents. Like, when I was growing up, it felt like you only had a couple. But now grandma's married three times, so you have the original grandpa number two still says hi every once in a while. And then you have the most current. So there's six just on the mom side, right? So Jane wanted me to read. So I'm coming into this reading tournament. Fifth seed grandparents, you're an underdog. And so they hand me this dinosaur book and I can't. I'm like. And then the. A lot, A lot. Tritor tops. And they're like little kids. They just took the book out of my hand and just chucked it, right? They did not like my read. And then now they have, you know, choices. So they all looked at their mama, mother, bring us a new grandpapa. This one bores me.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Christopher]

All right, well, why line things up on this Friday morning with comedian Jim Gaffigan. He is coming up in just a minute. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show on this Friday morning. Now don't forget, the Bob and Tom Pop Up Store is open. It's your chance to get your Bob and Tom stuff through Sunday, July 12. Camp, radio, wood stuff, a Pat Godwin black T shirt, baseball cap, camper cap, whatever you'd like in the Bob and Tom Pop up store. It's now open, so check it out. Here's a segment to wind things up today with comedian Jim Gaffigan on the Best of the Bob and Tom Show.

[Bob Kevoian]

We have a special surprise right now. All right, I'm gonna google this guy, see if I can see if I remember who he is. It's actually the great comedian Jim Gaffigan joining us on the phone. Jim, how are you, sir?

[Jim Gaffigan]

It is an honor, honor to be speaking with you guys again.

[Bob Kevoian]

How have you been? Are you working on just stand up comedy these days? Are you doing some of your acting now?

[Jim Gaffigan]

I'm, it's, I'm all in on stand up right now. I'm, you know, I'm doing this, I'm, I'm doing a lot of material on bourbon. Not that anyone ever asked for it. It's just one of those things where, as, you know, stand ups just, it's all kind of self assignment. So I think figured I would, you know, talk a lot about, you know, the drink that just, you know, out of shape old guys drink. You know, I mean, it's, I think that has broad appeal.

[Bob Kevoian]

Jim, in my hand right now, I am holding a bottle of Father Time precious batch Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey. This is the firstborn edition from the spring of 2020, 24. And is that your dad on the label?

[Jim Gaffigan]

That's my grandfather. Oh, wow. Grandfather. Yeah. And so I wanted to do something, you know, like some of it is the pandemic, you know, like some people got into making bread. I, you know, I started gardening and I started drinking bourbon. And what I've learned over the past couple years, years is no one cares about gardening and, but yeah, no, so I, my, my grandfather, you know, was from Springfield, Illinois. And I learned through finding your roots that he worked in coal mine. You know, his family had worked in coal mines. And he kind of, this, he broke this cycle of my family working in coal mines. He made dentures. And so I just wanted to do a little bit of a tribute to him. And I also, you know, as I have these teenagers, I have A greater appreciation for my father, who I thought was a lunatic, but now I realize was a pretty normal guy, of course.

[Bob Kevoian]

Have you tested your bourbon against some of the others that are out there?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh, yeah. No, this is. I mean, the Father Time is considered a pretty. Pretty darn good bourbon. I've grown so interested in, you know, people that are interested in alcohol the way I am are considered alcoholics. But, like, my whole thing is. I just find it fascinating. I love the story behind bourbon. I love the culture. And, you know, I don't know if any of you guys, there are bourbon drinkers, but there. There's a certain type of guy, you know, like, if you're over 30, out of shape with a beard, and you don't drink bourbon, you're kind of a fraud. A bourbon drinker looks like, you know, and it's. You get kind of ensnared by it because, you know, growing up, you kind of think hard. Alcohol. Alcohol tastes like turpentine, and it does. But then when you try bourbon, you're like, oh, this isn't bad. And that's the first stage of the bourbon obsession. That which. And then the second stage is you try premium bourbon, which propels you to the third stage, which is collecting, which is, you know, and you vow that you're not going to overdo it. You're just. You're not going to be one of those weirdos that sleeps out in a car for a special release, or you're going to be dishonest to your wife. But then the next stage is you sleep out in your car. So it goes full circle.

[Christy Lee]

I.

[Bob Kevoian]

By the way, your grandfather has a great head of hair.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I know. I did not get that. I did not get the hair. But it's. You know, it's. You know, I'm. I'm all recessive gene. You know what I mean? It's like a different century. I would not be walking around at this point. You know what I mean? But it's all good. Oh, go ahead.

[Bob Kevoian]

I was gonna say, I just wanted to reintroduce you. We're speaking with Jim Gaffigan, one of the great comedians. It says on your website, all new material.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah, all new material. Well, that's. That's the unspoken agreement. I think that I'm so grateful. People that have come to shows and come back. The promise is that it's going to be all new material that, you know, tried and true, good stuff, but, like, new, you know, that's. I found that, you know, I've been doing stand up for 800 years.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

It's just like, so I'm so grateful for people to show up, and the objective is for people to leave when they leave, to say, you know, I'm coming back when he comes back.

[Bob Kevoian]

So, well, I'll be back seeing you again, of course. Jim, how old is your oldest child?

[Jim Gaffigan]

She is 21.

[Leanne Morgan]

Whoa.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Pretty bizarre, right? So it's like she's still in school, being on this. Yeah, she's in college. And I remember being on Bob and Tom and talking about, you know, being a young father and not knowing what I was doing. And now I'm an old father who still doesn't know, of course.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow. Yikes. And then your youngest is how old?

[Jim Gaffigan]

He's. He's 13 now. So I have. It's all teenagers, you know, it's like, wow, 13 to 21. I feel like I'm living in a psych ward, really. I'm convinced they're trying to make me crazy, and I know that it's developmentally appropriate for them to challenge, but they're stealing all the. My stuff

[Bob Kevoian]

and any budding. Any possible comedians in the bunch.

[Jim Gaffigan]

My son Jack has done some stand up, but, you know, and he really enjoyed it. But it is such a strange world, right? It's. It's. It's a. Such a unique path. Like, you have to have a real insanity to pursue stand up if there isn't a logical path. So I think he's funny. I think he could definitely do it. But I also know that it's not a life cut out for everyone. You know what I mean? But all I know, it's like, you know, having raised five kids, the conclusion I've come to is my only goal now is to leave them with nothing. That's right. I want to make them pay for my casket.

[Bob Kevoian]

Jim Gaffigan is our guest. Hi. Highly recommended. He's terrific live performer. I've seen him many times. On a serious note, Jim, you are a really good actor, and I think a lot of people probably don't know that necessarily. They know you as a comedian. Have you been working on any projects? Movies, tv, Anything coming down the pike?

[Jim Gaffigan]

You know, I. There's. There's a possibility of doing.

[Tom Griswold]

You know, there's.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You know, the acting world is just so bizarre. I mean, that's where I'm spoiled by doing stand up, is that you have some control over it. But, like, there are supposed projects that are going to happen, but I don't know. I mean, I just think I really have such sympathy for the, the people that are in the acting only business because it is insane. So, like when an actor goes crazy or has a meltdown, I'm like, yeah, of course. They've been dealing with essentially psychological abuse their entire adult life.

[Leanne Morgan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

A lot of rejection. Is there, is there a.

[Jim Gaffigan]

It's just insane.

[Bob Kevoian]

We were talking about the so called biopic. Is there someone in history that you're starting to look like that you think you could portray in a movie someday?

[Jim Gaffigan]

That's an interesting question. I mean, I, you know, I don't know. I don't know if any. I mean, I. I feel like any, you know, large headed Irishman I could probably. Right. You know, no one knows who Tip o' Neill is.

[Christy Lee]

There you go, you know, becoming Tip.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, Jim, I know you got a lot on your mind, a lot to do, so we'll let you go. Jim Gaffigan on tour once again. Visit the website, we'll stick a link up and find out where he's going to be and go see some great live standup comedy. Jim, always terrific. Thanks so much for calling. Oh, thank you.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And I really, you guys, I really appreciate your show and you guys having me on all these years, I really appreciate it. Thank you.

[Bob Kevoian]

You're very welcome. Oh, and that bourbon is real, by the way. Father Time Bourbon.

[Mark Shalafu]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Look forward near you.

[Josh Arnold]

Thanks, Jim. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Tom Griswold]

Bob and Tom.