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Learn how we'll match price@lowe's.com lowest price guarantee. It's the Bob and Tom Show. The Bob and Tom show presents great moments in Independence Day history. The year 1776. The Place, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. July 4th is the day that our founding fathers signed the Declaration of Independence. But did you know that it was not originally called the Declaration of Independence? Working titles included the Freedom Doctrine, the Liberty Manifest and the note to tell England to go get. It was all said and done. The Declaration of Independence became one of the most important documents in modern history. Alongside the Magna Carta, the Constitution and the autobiography Madonna in her own words. This has been great moments in Independence Day history. Good morning. Hello. From coast to coast, it's the Bob and Tom Show. Many portions of the upcoming program have been pre recorded, meaning they've already happened and they're about to happen again. So where was it? Oh. Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, we're glad to have you here. It's the Bob and Tom Show. Right away. I've got this letter. This is from Oregon. It's from Pete. Hi, Pete. He says for Tom and Josh. Hi. The rest of you guys are awesome. Okay, what does that mean exactly? I think this is sort of like the Gilligan's island theme the first year where it said. And the rest instead of saying the professor and Marianne. That's a. That if you're not familiar with this. But in this case you want to be part of the rest because the suggestion is we're better than you, right? We're not awesome, right? Oh, wait a minute. I can't. A compliment perhaps. Oh, I think it's an insult to Tom. And I. No, it's an absolute insult. Straight ahead. But it's just for Tom and Josh. It's a right handed. And the rest of the crew. You guys are awesome. Oh, well, that's not how you read it. Oh, that's not how you read it. That's totally different. The larger point here is the. The awesomeness here. What are you doing over there? You're confused there. More to the letter. Was that just the greeting? No, it's the. It says. Oh, I see. Oh, God. You can't find Bigfoot, Right? Because you can't find Bigfoot because he owes Chuck Norris money. See, this combines my love of Chuck Norris jokes with Josh's love of Bigfoot. Oh, I see. And yet distaste for Chuck Norris. Joe. Very funny, Pete. Makes sense. You're my new favorite listener. Okay, picture of Chuck Norris over there. Well, if we're reading letters that are sort of apropos. Nothing. Here's one. Yeah. Did you know you can find. I'm sorry? Mikey says, do you know you can fend off a bear attack with a.22 caliber gun? Says it's true, but my buddy that I shot in the knee didn't do. So there you go. So that's. That's how you do it. Kept the bear from it. Yeah. So there you go. Very nice. Good. See this? This is. These are good facts to know. Yes. Now here's just some. We were talking a lot about music recently. Someone asked who is the most into music on the show, and particularly new music. I would think that it would be chicken. Sure. I have an unnatural curiosity for music. Josh. Very open minded. Listens to a lot of alt country. You turned me on to Cookie. Turns you on to cocaine. Cocaine. What was that? You ever see that Paul Cawthon video where he does that live? Who the hell are you? What? I love that song. Okay. Country dance. Yeah. But. Yeah, And Patty G. I think that would be the. The most into it. Yeah. Since I do it. Oh, is that right? Yeah, I think I'd be number one. You're doing that over there. Trying to. I mean, no doubt we're all really interested in music. Sure. But see, in my case, and I don't know about Christie anymore, but when you have little kids and you're in the car, there's no point in arguing about it. You listen to what they want to listen to. But I. I don't have to do that anymore. I have discovered a lot of. There is a lot of really great music that I would never have Dua. Lipa. I'm a big fan of. Yeah. Olivia, Rodrigo, and many, many more that I wouldn't have been exposed to. But you guys are really deeply exploring the world of music. We've been talking a little bit about the Beach Boys lately because of the sad death of Brian Wilson. Yeah. And we can. We can argue. There's a lot of arguments when you go deep with the Beach Boys about what the best albums are. This is from David. My favorite Beach Boys album is their Christmas album. So many memories of it. Listening while decorating the Christmas tree and eating Mom's homemade cookies. Isn't this a sweet. Nice letter. Very nice. I knew. I see. I knew you wouldn't be able to take it. What was mom doing? Making homemade cookies. What are the Beach Boys? Christmas. How nice for him. Surfing Santa. Yeah. Yeah. Little. Little Saint Nick. I think they do. Bitten off by a big shark. Swimming and surfing. Christmas Eve. Say what you want. That was a monster hit. Okay. Certainly it was. Oh, Elmo and Patsy. Oh, well, I guess Patsy. They got divorced, right? Yeah. Don't go deep on that. I think the guy that wrote most of it doesn't get the money. They do the. The traditional songs. I just pulled up there. Oh, I see. Yeah. Merry Christmas, baby. Little Saint Nick. Frosty the Snowman. Little Saint Nick gets a lot of airplanes. Yeah, it does. It does. Santa's beard. I'm not familiar. Yeah, I don't know that one. I don't know that one. Isn't it weird? Santa's big gray beard. You know, Bring in the beard. I hate that song. Bring in the beer. My top 10 worst overrated songs of all in context in the show. It's wonderful. Number one worst song ever for me. Is that all there is? Hate, I would say sometimes when we touch. Yeah, that's real. That, to me, is the worst song of all. I can't believe that wasn't a joke. Joke was a hit. Everybody. Everybody replaced touch with another verb. Oh, okay. Yeah. Is that Dan Hill who did that? That song's horrible. Up on Old Dan Hill sometime. You. You. You had that. You had that handy. Got it ready. The honesty too much. Oh, God. Was there 76? 77? I don't know. It should never have been a lot. He has to close his eyes and hide. That's how much the touch means to him. I want to hold her till. But he's dead already. Until the life leaves your body. You can't break down and cry after you're dead. Yeah, it's very weird. So she's Holding a corpse of an ugly. Maybe. Seen a picture of this guy? Yeah, he's not very. I'd rather look at it. His appearance has something irritating for you. Yes. Everything about him I hate. I just remember slow dancing to that in high school. Like at a dance or something. Really? Yeah. A little stinky finger. No dance floor. This one's a little bit long. That was the clumsy lyric. He was married to it though. He wouldn't change. Okay. Got this nice letter from Rory in Montana. Nice. What a great name. I love Rory. That's a good name. Calhoun. Montana the allegar. Montana, the Michigan of the West. Love Montana, the Michigan. It's Montana loving. Montana is very in right now. Now, sure it is. Because of Yellowstone. Well, there are many who loved it way before Yellowstone. I know, but I'm just telling you this. Dear fellows and Christie. I heard Pat's new song about having a 14 year old son. My niece's boyfriend told me this story. Whenever he would crack open a beer, her son would ask him if he could have one. When he was about 11, her boyfriend would always tell her son, you have to have hair in your balls to drink beer. Then he would ask her son if he had hair in his balls. To which the little boy would reply, no, no beer for you. Then her boyfriend would tell him, then, you have to have hair in your balls to drink beer. Three years later, my niece was at work. Boyfriend gets home from work on a warm day, cracks open a beer, her son asks if he can have one. My niece's boyfriend said the same old response. At that point, my nephew jerked down his shorts and proudly pointed out three hairs on his balls. Three bears. Three. There you go. Wow. Doing the math here. He would have been 14. There you go. Still too young, by the way. P.S. christie? Yes. I agree with you. I prefer the blonde Oreos. Thank you. I also prefer the thins over the regular Oreos. Rory in Montana. Nice. The flavors aren't Oreos either. My pubes didn't come in that way. They came in like a new lawn. There were many, many, many seedlings. Thin, short hairs that all grew together. You remember that? Yeah, of course I don't remember. You guys remember. I don't remember how yours came in. Absolutely not. It seems like I always had hair. I was always a hairy guy. Not me. Yeah, we know. Yeah, yeah. Piglet. Yeah. You have is sacred. We suffer for that. Oh yeah. Many do. Flipping many do. It transforms your life. We were discussing the Mississippi river and whether or not you can swim in it, right? Where I grew up, the answer was no, you did not get into the Mississippi River. But Scott says in Vicksburg, Mississippi, when the river is at normal height, there's a great sandbar on the Louisiana side. And they partied there on the weekends, swam, tube skied, rode four wheelers and three wheelers all over the sandbar. Man, that must have been so fun. So absolutely, there are areas of the Mississippi where it's possible and if you are near one, enjoy, maybe get some of that Mississippi mud cat. How do you feel about calling it the Mississippi? Yeah, fine. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's. That's usually used in a song. Mississippi. What'd you guys call it in St. Louis? The big River, Big Muddy. The old man for Clark Griswold. Dad, what river is this? That there's the Mississippi, the mighty Mississippi. That's right. The old miss the old man, you know, Josh was telling me a story about his father. And would you care to share that with everyone listening, Josh? Oh, yeah. After the advent of caller id, he only did this, I think, to people he knew, but he would answer. He often answered the phone. Yo mama, yo mama. Every time I call dad. How about that? Yo mom. Hey, Happy fourth of July. It's the best of the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher. And here on a Friday morning. Coming up on the show today, a lot of great comedians, Henry Phillips, Greg Hahn, Christy and Pat swapped shirts. Plus Joe Dombrowski, Dyke Michaels, and Ali Breen. But coming up next on the show, one of our faves, comedian Sam Miller. It's next on the Bob and Tom show, this episode brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game, shifting a little money here, a little there, hoping it all works out? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can get a better budgeter and potentially lower your insurance bill, too. You tell Progressive what you want to pay for car insurance and they'll help find you options within your budget. Try it today@progressive.com progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. He gave two thumbs up like Roger Ebert. Two thumbs up. On Independence Day, in an accident at our backyard fireworks display, my dad gave two thumbs up. Kaboom. Kaboom, Kaboom. Our neighbor heard the screaming and ran out to his yard and got the finger from my dad. More than one. And gunpowder was found underneath dad's fingernails. Underneath a Chevrolet parked half a mile away. My dad always had my mother, my mother wrapped around his little Fingers tell us more. Well, that finger and my mom landed on the roof. She got cuts and bruises and shingles. Ouch. As dad recovered, visitors came by. His insurance man came and went unrecognized. Cause to my dad, everybody looked like good hands people. He can't do here's the church. He can't do here's the steeple. Except up to his second knuckle man. I'm hoping that his luck will be better next time. We'll have a safe, safe, safe, safe. Fourth. Fourth of July. Just the way we rehearsed it, you guys. Hey, you guys, would you mind stop snapping your fingers? It makes my dad jealous. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back on this fourth of July. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. Boy. One of our favorite guests has been the big Guy, comedian Sam Miller. Here's a segment with Sam here on the Best to the Bob and Tom Show. Now we do have a guest in the studio. I can't help but notice him because he's gigantic. Nice. Right out the gate. Yeah. This is radio. I mean, what are you, like 6, 5, 800? I mean, excuse me. Sorry. No, no, that's not. That's mean. Sir, are you £800? No, no, no, no, no, you're not. You're not. I'm just Discovery channel. Big, not TLC. There you go. Sam Miller's. Are you. Are you. Three bills? Is that fair? I'm £360. £360. Okay, so I was almost halfway wrong. I don't know that people look at you, Sam, and go, oh, there's a fat guy. I think they go, there's a big guy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're. But I am fat, too, and I don't care. But you're big. Sure, sure. You look like you could be a. A retired lineman from the NFL who owns a pizza franchise. Indeed. If I gotta ruin it because I'm fat, just say a compliment. You monster is a very funny man. He's got tattoos and he's got a good head of hair. I'm just happy to be here. I don't really have that great of a head of hair. I was. See, I was lying. Well, to Tom and I, that's a great head of hair. Yeah, same here. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. Very, very good. Sam Miller on the road. Peoria, the famous jukebox Comedy club. You'll have a great time. You got that. And you got the museum with all the bulldozers. That's. They have a bulldozer museum? Yeah, they have the Caterpillar Museum. Oh, cool. Well, why didn't you say so? And you got to go now to see the Caterpillar Museum because in a few months, it'll be the Butterfly Museum. Did you guys know that? Yes, I'm getting a thumbs down from Chick McGee. No, no, I think. I think that should be your closer. So goodbye. Well, that's. That's a far different opinion. During the setup, I understood what you were going for. I smiled immediately. I loved where it was going. Yeah, we all saw it coming. We all saw it coming. No, no, no. I'm with Willie, though. I saw it coming about, why didn't I think of that? That's so, so clever and yet obvious. It's a great joke. Very kind. There's probably a sign in the lobby of that place. I'll tell you this, three more weeks before we become. When I told the joke, I didn't expect this much analysis. I kind of hoped it would just go. That's your mistake. You should have known that he was gonna do this. He's still doing it. Back to Tom. Okay. And I. So I walked in the room. I was late once again getting in here. For some reason. I'm. Occasionally I'll be late during the breaks. Usually I'm having some high level conference with someone. And I walk in the room and I hear Sam talking. And he says, all I heard was the phrase, I think we're going to share a CPAP machine. All I know about the cpap machine is Mr. Godwin has to use one. This. This is that aqua lung thing you breathe at night or something? Yeah, yeah, Sleep apnea. Okay, now you have one of those. Oh, yeah. And you take it on the road. Yeah, I do. I hate it. And. But I can't now. If I don't use it, I wake up with a sore throat because I'm not used to snoring. Yeah. So I'm kind of like. I've kind of built my own prison. Are you sleeping better? Yeah, I sleep great. I'm not. This is like the size of, like a football. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you were gonna make a joke about how I needed a giant seat. What do you use for a cpap? A vacuum sound. I envision it as making, like, a whack at a whack at a whack at a whack at a whack at a sound. It's pretty quiet. Sometimes it slips off and it kind of squeaks. It'll be like. And I'm not a fan of That I can tell you. We weren't a fan of what you just did. Yeah, I can't imagine. I can't imagine the real thing. My God. My wife was talking about my snoring for a long time. And, yeah, I went in. I. I don't know if I've ever talked about this on here, but I had like 30 minutes. I stopped breathing 24 times. And that's what the lady told me. But it's funny because I felt like I was being attacked, so I threw it back at her. I was like, I started breathing 24 times too. That's the perfect ratio. So this is. Oh, you had one of those sleep tests. Yeah, yeah. Do you do that at your house or do they. You have to, man. I did an in home one and they were like, yeah, you got sleep apnea. And it's like, well, duh. Like, I, I. My wife's like, you stop breathing all the time. And I'm like, so I knew I had sleep apnea. I take a sleep apnea test at home. They're like, you got sleep apnea? I take the sleep apnea test to the doctor, and they're like, you need to go see a sleep specialist. I'm like, all right. And then they're like, you got sleep apnea? I'm like, thanks. Yeah. Yeah. My third time. So now does this thing strap to your face? It does. I'm not a fan of how it feels, but I fall asleep so quick now because I have a clear. How long's the hose? I don't know. I mean, can you roll over? Oh, yeah, Yeah. I could wrap it around my neck if I wanted to. Trouble with the life, really. Well, until one day I'll have the deepest sleep you could ever imagine. Does your. You ever wake up and your wife's got her feet on your chest and she's pulling on the cor. Yeah. Like cinching me down. Yeah. Like a bigger load. No, no, no. She's. She's a bigger fan of the CPAP that I am. And also, the first time I got up to work, I woke up and I was like, oh, yeah. Like, I remember this. Like, I just woke up and I was like, I'm okay. Wow. You get used to waking up tired, feeling bad. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Well, I'm glad it's working out for him. Yes. Maybe you can get an endorsement. I could. Yeah. What's the name of your CPAP company? I don't know. Then maybe they should talk to me and say it on air. Don't mention it till you're paid. Wait a minute. Godwin's trying to get a free new one. What's it called? Phillips. You probably have the Phillips. But do they offer you different brands or do they just give you one? Well, the insurance paid for my Phillips. Yeah, okay. Yeah, insurance paid. Insurance paid for mine. I got the flathead clap on that one. Yeah, there you go. Rules. No, no. He is the king of comedy. That's not true. Right now, if you're just joining us, thank you very much. You've missed a lot. As a matter of fact, we don't know if it's. If it's time yet. Oh, is it Sam? Sam Miller. We've been waiting all morning to find out when exactly is it time to rock? And we have the Rock clock here with us. Is it time to rock? No. Oh, okay. All right. No, time to rock. That was not according to the Rock. Once again, you are out of your element. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom program. Now let's meet our guest once again. He is comedian Sam Miller. Sam is a large fellow. How tall are you? Six. Six, six, six. Yeah. And how much do you weigh? 360 pounds. No, no, you. I mean, you carry it well. I love being big sometimes. I like it when old ladies ask me for help in grocery stores. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Because it's really easy and they're so happy. Like, I was already up here. I'm one of those ladies. Yeah. I love that you're on the road. Any unusual gigs of late since we last saw you, Any unusual spots for you? So you guys know my history with recovery. I've been clean and sober 16 years. Got in a lot of trouble. I forget. What was your. What was your drink of choice? Math, of course. I've been doing comedy in a lot of prisons, so I've done four prison shows. Wow. It's been good for the most part. There was a weird one. So usually when I perform in prisons, it's for folks that are short timers. They're doing less than a year left on their sentence. Um, I did one for life sentence. Folks that aren't getting out, way different vibe. And I was incarcerated some back in the day, so I know the score. Anyway, I did this show at this prison, and I don't want to say what prison it is, you know, I don't want to get in trouble. But I do this show at this prison. It's going really well. So my material, a lot of my material is about criminality, incarceration, they don't like those jokes. But what they love is my jokes about big women. That's what unites the inmates of America. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I learned that. But anyway, there was a guy in the back. Okay, I've never told this story before, but there's a guy in the back who is being weird. All the other inmates are having a good time after the show. I'm hanging out, we're being friendly. It's nice. This guy comes up to me and he goes, hey. And I was like, you talk weird. He goes, I really liked your jokes. And I was like, thanks, man. And he goes, do you know who I am? And I was like, no. He goes, I'm a bit of a celebrity myself. Is that right? And my heart like started to drop. And then he just straight up told me, he goes, I was a serial killer. Whoa. And I found out who it was after the fact and all this stuff. But in that moment, like, I love like Silence of the Lambs, Mindhunter, all these like serial killer shows. In that moment, I was like, never again. Never again. I'm done with all of it. But here's the thing though. I am in a conversation with this dude and I'm thinking about like, this is like the most awful of all human beings. Yeah. In front of me. Right. But I'm in a conversation with him and he told me that goes, I was a serial killer. And I looked at him and I was like, looks like you're doing a lot better now. Yeah. What do you say? Exactly. You're done. You want a koozie, dude? So how's that going? Yeah. Did you look him up afterwards? I did and it sucks. And the reason why I did. And it sucks. He sucks. Yeah. You know, I like I said, I know some guys that are heavy. I've done some stuff that I'm pretty ashamed of. I was never like, violent violent. Right. Like I got in some fights and stuff like that, but that's different. And it was funny because even the other inmates, they're not messing with that dude. Like, cuz he's weirdo. Like he's, he's off brand, you know, so. Did you say which joke of mine was your favorite? You know, this is the thing about it, right? Like I said, none of the other inmates were hanging out with him. He was in the corner by himself the whole show. He didn't laugh at anything. Smiled at me the whole time. Right. Because that's exactly the way I think it should go. Yeah. Yes. Because I think the whole time he was waiting to walk up to me and tell me that, man. And that's the reason I don't tell people who he was, because he can kick rocks. He's not on Bob and Tom. I am. Oh, yeah, no, yeah. You know, like, I'm not. I'm not gonna, like, I'm not gonna give this guy press. Right. Yeah. We had a very similar experience. We played softball against the hardcore women's prison. We did it on the air one. Oh, that's awesome. And do you remember what happened? I wasn't there. This was before me. You got hit on by Eileen Warenos, didn't you? Boy, what a crab. But it was very similar experience. One of the ladies, it turned out, was part of a famous murder. And I had heard when they came up. You know who this is? No. The same deal. And that's very creepy. Yeah. And I think it really bummed me out because I love performing in prisons. Like, yeah, it's. It's. It's wonderful to me. I recently did a. A Valentine's Day thing, and it was inmates that had their wives there, and I had been in that prison before, and they're introducing me to their wives and, like, it's the coolest. Yeah. That's nice vibe. Yeah, it's amazing. Was it conjugal day or something? No, it's just like they have. Because these are all like. This is like. These are mostly like drug offenders, like, pretty minor. Oh, so they're. They're on their way out. Yeah. This wasn't the place with the. I see. With the serial killer. Yeah, with the serial killer. Yeah. And I. You know what's weird is I hesitate to even tell that story because I don't want people. Because it's not really like that. That was a one time. Sure, sure. So it shouldn't stop you from doing other prisons? No. God, no. I'm gonna do it even more. I love performing in prisons. And also the cool thing is, is you can perform in the afternoon because they're there. They're there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have to wait for people to get off of work. They were giving me the light, then su dimmed. That's pretty good. That's the last time I do a midnight show. We are joined by comedian Sam Miller. Hey. A guy from the great northwest. Olympia, Washington. Where'd you go to high school? Couple. Couple places. You were the Fighting Watts? We were the Trailblazers. Yeah. And I don't remember the other mascots. I don't remember high school. That much at all, really. I got my ged. Okay. Yeah, I got expelled. But here's the thing. I'm one of 50 notable alumni from. They had a 50th anniversary. I won a 50 notable alumni thing from Timberline High School. The school that expelled you? Yeah. So there's three people that won that dropped out and I am the only one who got expelled and won that thing they like. It's a comeback story. It is a comeback. I have a quick question. What are the reunions like for your GED class? I have not been invited. I think. I think we have those in jail actually. Sam Miller is our guest. Recently did a bunch of gigs in prisons. Kind of nice of you to entertain the folks. Have you strictly done the men's prisons or. I haven't done a woman's prison. I'm sure that's coming up. There are those. You know, it's one of those things where like you start, you work one prison, before you know it, they're all reaching out. Oh, no kidding. Yeah, yeah, because it's the, you know, the other department of corrections, they run the prisons and I've done that one. And how much entertainment do they do? Not a lot. It depends, you know, it depends a lot of times like it's outside funding that allows it to happen. So the show I did in some of the prisons were sponsored by colleges and stuff like law departments and. Oh, interesting. Would you ever do an album like Johnny Cash? You know, I think that's just been done a lot. I'm into it. Yeah. What's his name? He did the crowd work special at the prison and I would actually my idea which kind of a wild card move would be I would like to go into a prison and do like a stand up comedy workshop and teach inmates how to do comedy and then release that and then do like an open mic night. Man, that's a great idea, Sam. Yeah, yeah. Actually Metallica played it prison a few years ago is in the news today. Ace. Oh well, we can make a good segue there. Before we get back to Sam, what's Metallica doing now? They're bringing their performance from Mexico City straight to viewers faces. Thanks to Apple Vision Pro, Metallica show is going to be delivered in an immersive concert experience on VA and VR headsets Friday, March 14th. Filmed during the sold out finale of their M72 World Tour last year, you will have a 180 degree high definition viewing experience and immersive spatial audio. The concert experience features the band's iconic Hits, of course, Whiplash One and Enter Sandman. Apple built a custom stage layout featuring 14 of their immersive video cameras, including some that moved around the stage. If you do not own one of the $3,500 headsets, which is all Metallica fans, yeah, you could, you can book a Vision Pro demo to experience Metallica's performance at your local Apple store. I did read about this. I mean, it's so authentic. You put the headset on and the show starts 45 minutes late. You have to go buy a $150t shirt and a $20 Coke. Very realistic. I think the Coke would be more than that. Yeah. Who's gonna pour beer on me? Are you a fan, Josh? Do you like the Metallica? Yeah, I do. Huh? I do, Sam. You. I'm on the fence. I was just remembering when you were reading that story, though, that when I was in jail, there was somebody had done graffiti and wrote Metallica, but they spelled it wrong. I was like, I still gotta stop getting locked. That means it's time to rot. At last. Little Pantera. Yeah, I like their Unplugged album. Was that guy being tortured? What's going on with good stuff. People love it. No, people are drunk now. Let's talk to Sam. Sam, you mentioned that the fellas in the prisons, they. They loved your jokes about the big girls. Oh, yeah. You are a big fellow, you. I am Indeed. You're like 6, 5, 6, 6, 300 something big, man. Not fat, just big. This is maybe too personal. Is your wife a woman of size? She is. And I have no problem talking about that. And I love other big women too. I am a faithful fella. But it's always exciting. Anytime I'm touring in the Midwest, you know, I was just in Kansas City. I am a faithful man. However, if I wasn't high target environment, there are a lot. Yeah, a lot of big women. I know there's big women out here. I know there's big people in the Midwest. I know there are. Because all the toilets are loose. That's how you know they all got a little rock to them. That's how you know you're in big people country. You can kind of move it like a dj. More great stuff coming up on this Friday morning. Comedian Mark Shalafeau is coming up in just a few minutes, so stand by for that. This is the Bob and Tom show. Get in the zone. AutoZone. Welcome to AutoZone. What are you working on today? Hey, that's the spirit. Right now, we're celebrating free with a free STP oil filter when you buy 5 quarts of oil and free Duralast brake pads when you buy two rotors like always. Free battery testing, charging and recycling at at every store. Celebrate free at AutoZone now through July 28th. Get in the zone. Auto zone restrictions apply. We're back on this Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. And this is the Bob and Tom show. Bunch of great comedians coming up later this morning. Joe Dombrowski is on the way. Greg Hahn coming up too. This segment is one comedian Mark Shalafoe in studio. There's Chrissy Lee and Pat Godwin, Josh Arnold, Ace Cosby. I'm Chick Magee and we have, we have a comedian in the, in the studio. He's been here before. Tom. That's right. Oh, okay. All the way from. I thought you said he was brand new. Montreal. Montreal. From Cincinnati. Oh, I thought with the French name. Mark Shalafou is here. Hey, Mark. Hey. Hi, Mark. F O U X. I bet you get mispronounced all the time, huh? Yeah, it's a great name to have in show business. That's what you want as a stand up comedian. A name that everyone's confused by and can't remember after a show. Show that's, that's really essential. I should have changed it like six years in, but now it's too late. So here we are. Mark's. Good to see you, Mark. Yeah, it's good to be here. Handsome young guy, married, single and populated. What's happening with you? I am married. We've got kids. Oh, how many? It. Well, I will say that I never realized how much I wanted to have two kids until I had three kids. You should have asked me when you, when they outnumber the parents, there's trouble. Yeah, I thought we could handle it. We cannot, but you know, we're making a go of it all. Daughters too, so that's another challenge. Wait a minute, hang on. Nike ad. I have four of them. How old are your daughters? We have 11, nine and five. All right, in your wheelhouse, I've got a 12 and an. And a eight. Nine. Sorry. 12 and nine, you have to start remembering dates and math and stuff. The ages, it's like, you know, you get the big one. 16 is a big one, you'll remember that. But the rest of them, it doesn't really matter, you know, it's just a ballpark figure. Matters to them though, doesn't it? Yeah, kids love the, I mean, half ages and all that stuff. Oh, yeah. The half birthday. Yeah. That's big. The half birthday. It's just another excuse for a present. I see. I look at it differently. The half birthday, to me, is another excuse for cake, and I'm a big cake fan. Then you got to get into the quarter birthdays, you know? Oh, they know it's cake all the time. Yeah. My birthday is my daughter Finn's quarterback birthday. Okay, so you celebrate that? Well, of course it's your birthday. You have to have two cakes. Of course you have to have two cakes for her quarter birthday. Depends what kind of cake she wants, because it's not the kind I want. We're getting another cake. Don't be ridiculous. Well, congratulations on the three girls. That's neat. Thank you. Yeah, it's been fun. It's been fun. Now I can. I can do an interesting segue here. I said all your segues are interesting. Thank you. Thank you. I do. Is it okay if I ask you the names of your children, or is that private information? You're more than welcome to not answer. No, yeah, you can totally ask their names and what are their names? We have Madison's the oldest one. She was born in New York City on Madison Avenue. So. Madison. That was cute. It could have gone wrong, though. It could have gone very wrong. West 57th. That doesn't. Born on Martin Luther King Boulevard. That's not a name for your daughter. Okay. Yeah, it might be a little confusing. Happy birthday, Marty. That's kind of. Yeah, I get to see the. The kindergarten teacher going, oh, we're kind of surprised. Martin Luther King. Shallow. It would really confuse the classmates when they learned about that in school. Why? We didn't know she was such a revolutionary figure in our classroom. I'm sorry. So we got your Madison, followed by Emma and then Chloe. So we've got all Lovely. We ran out of names is what happened. We had, like, a. An influence from a lovable grandma figure. Then a likable aunt was Emma. And then we just got to weird Kardashian with Khloe. We just ran out of options. Did you go. Did you go with the K or the C? We went with the C because we're not lunatics. So we did go with the C. Chloe is a big girl, and she's, like, 6ft tall. Oh, no. Tall girl. Yeah, the other ones. The other ones are kind of short. Yeah, very. Like my height. Yeah. And that actually ties into. Baby naming. Expert has shared what names they think will become popular in the next decade. So this is a future prediction Speculation here. There we go. Yeah. 27 year old Sophie Kim, an editor at Nameberry said now wait a minute now to stop right there. Her name is Sophie. Sophie Kim. K I h m. And you want to weigh in on this? I have a Sophie. There you go. Yes. I said names such as Fia and Una are gaining interest as parents are more interested in going back to their heritage. Is it Fia? Fia. Can I help me here? What. What heritage is Fia? I don't know. And you know why you N a I know key is Korean. Does that help? Oh, I get the applause break. It's an applause break. That is hilarious. I seriously. What is I. I guess we should go. I've never seen either of these names for. Big's got an Una. Doesn't he Is but it's Una, right? His daughter. I think. Charlie Chaplin's daughter named Una, right? I think so. Is that his wife? Una Chaplin. Oh, is that o o n a Maybe. Maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. O n a. This is Y u n a. Okay. That's Yana. Doesn't Yana isn't Brbigs Luna? No, Brbigs is Mike. Mike's name is Una, isn't it? I could care less. You know Josh. Right now we have Josh. His whole Nike's got him upside down, man. Wait. It gets the most condescending commercial the last 10 years. Mark. I was saying I had. I took notes. I watched the Super Bowl. This also pisses me off. Spent a lot of time preparing for the show. I like to do something we call show prep. But it's not 1988. And the commercials of the super bowl really don't matter like they used to. They don't. They're paying more for them now than they ever did. So. Yeah. That's because of that prices raise. They're paying $8 million for 30 seconds. It's kind of a cultural thing through like water cooler talk the day after when you have a. I'm just asking you to grow that water cooler talk is something here because you drink all the water. Yeah. I'm a healthy water drinker. I'm getting a little misty over here. Remember. Hang on. Remember when I used to fight with Tom? Yes. So I kind of miss. I was. I was trying to make the point that I thought that overall I thought the commercials were kind of. That he's made for six hours. This. That's also the problem. I'll explain how radio works. I'll explain for how radio works. Just joining us. Explain how you to work and Then we'll tell you how it works now. Okay. Did you see the Nike commercial? Did you watch the Super Bowl? I did watch the Super Bowl. I don't remember the Nike commercial. So that can't be good for the Nike. Do you remember anything about any of the commercial? Yeah, I remember Patrick Mahomes was not very good in the Super Bowl. I did see Shane Gillis's commercial. Like, that was fun. Good for Shane. That was the one with. That was the Bud Light one. Yeah, yeah, With Peyton. Yeah, the guy with the tattoos in his face. Yeah, Post Malone. Post Malone. Yeah, the big three, as they call them. Those. I thought that was a great commercial. Yeah, it was good. It was a good show. You remember? That's the whole point. Exactly. $8 million well spent right there on a comedian, at least. Josh, you want to piss all over that one? I didn't see that one. Okay. Why don't you watch this afternoon Saffron so tomorrow morning you can come in here and crap all over. What was the Nike commercial? What happened with Nike? It was at halftime and it had this cool music from Led Zeppelin and it was showing great women in sports. And it was. It was just kind of a. I thought a kind of a serious important thing about, you know, keeping girls in sports and women in sports. I don't know. I. If that was the message of it, it was just about, don't quit, keep doing it. That does seem kind of antiquated in today's world. It really, to me was very like, if I were a female athlete, I'd go, oh, hey, thanks for the pat on the back. I've been doing this for years. You know, nature names continue to be on the line Thursday. Speaking of broads, who let her here? I'll say, like, as a. As a youth sports coach, I coach a lot of girls soccer teams, and I think there are some girls that probably shouldn't be involved in athletics. If we're going back to the district tournament, there's a couple that I would rather not see the Nike commercial. And by the way, I was in youth sports and I didn't belong. So there are plenty of dudes as well. Yes, but. Yeah, okay. It was condescending is what it was. Let's get back to our guests. Mark Shallafel. Yeah. Phone not fool. Okay, good. I got. I got it. Right. So you're married, obviously. Yes. Going well. It is. I mean, it is. I guess, you know, it's going as well as it can. We have. Well, I am spending this Valentine's Day week in comedy clubs. So it's going about that well. Last year I did try and go all out on Valentine's Day. We got a babysitter and I gave her like, you know, I wanted to show all my appreciation, told her how much I loved her in this nice card. I told her, you know, I hope that I died first. And all this kind of sucks. I couldn't live without her. And all she said in reply to that was, well, that would just be easier on the kids. So we're gonna do Valentine's Day a little bit differently this year. Coming up next hour here on the Bob and Tom show, comedians Dyke Michaels and Ali Breen with sexy time. But next, comedian Tommy Brennan in Don't want to miss it. This is the Bob and Tom Show. If you went on a road trip and you didn't stop for a Big Mac or drop a crispy fry between the car seats or use your McDonald's bag as a placemat, then that wasn't a road trip. It was just a really long drive at participating McDonald's. Welcome back and happy 4th of July. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios and the best of the Bob and Tom Show. Comedian Tommy Brennan paid a visit recently. Tom's here and with our special guest. I just noticed something. All right. This room is as colorful as it's been in ages. Well, that's because you don't like color. But that came off wrong. Not really. Nope. That was fairly accurate. Might have been the truest thing I've 53 checks out for sure. You like blacks and grays and browns and sepia. But you go around the room. I've got like on black, black and dark blue. Aces wearing all black. You're wearing gray and black. Then we get to guest comedian Tommy Brennan. That jacket, like yellow, red, blue. Yeah. That. You look like you're going sailing in 1981. I'm starting to think I've got some attention seeking behavior. A little peacocking over there maybe. Y. And then Willie's got a swath of. Of yellow and green. And then if you want advice about attention seeking behavior, my therapist is great. He can really help you out. Incredible. Ms. Hooker's got kind of a blue. Yeah. Lovely sky blue. And then. And then Josh has on a red check. Flannel. Yeah. Red for Friday. Josh is real dumb. Josh. I don't think it's something. I think you're handsome. And I'm telling you this, with that flannel and that mustache, there are certain parts of both. The both Females. But also within the gay community, I think you would just be cleaning up. Oh, yeah, thanks. Yeah, fellas, they're very into the firefighter type. The bear type. Looking very strong. Right? A bear type. Yeah. I always find it very flattering when I'm hit on by a gay dude. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not one to. I'm not gay, so I don't accept, you know, any offers. But I certainly am flattered every time. Yeah. What about the next morning when you wake up there? You continue to say, hey, remember, remember, remember, I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I just really enjoy your penis. I mean, really. Thank you. And thank you for the pizza. Okay. A great pizza place. I have. I have a couple letters here. Sound system. Oh, we had the news story about the. The world record in which the guy was put in a straight jacket. Back to that. And he just did. Our letter writer has a point. We don't have to see the video. I think we do. I love the video. It's the best part of it. Other guys in the, like, wooden phone booth, like, thing. He's on a racetrack, he's trying to get out of a straight jacket. The straight jacket in the box. Trying to get out of everything. Guys driving at him in a BMW. And he gets out at the last second, jumps to the side, and the thing explodes. Very exciting. But you'll notice that the. Our letter writer. Dear Bob and Tom, I noticed that he's wearing a white straight jacket. I've noticed this. Straight jackets are always white. How do you stay in fashion after Labor Day? That is a good question. That's a fair question. Yeah. And the old booby hatch. Yeah. The old nut house. I'm sorry. Oh, Crazy Acres. Now, sometimes they're striped. You've seen them, especially in like. Like, Arkham Asylum, I think. I believe Scarecrow was in a striped straight jacket. And then this letter references the story about the woman whose actual name is Soon Bang. S O O, N the new word. B, A, N G. And Ms. Bang, charged with operating a brothel in New Jersey. And our letter says she obviously has the slogan, you get the most bang for your buck. Which I think is lovely. Thank you very much. But right now it's time to. Speaking of objects in the body, we have this delightful story. All right. A man in Vietnam is lucky to be alive after a live eel he inserted into his anus. His colon. Wow. It did what to his colon? Punctured. Punctured. So I'm assuming it means it bit. Well, it. Yeah, it Will, we'll get there. The Straits Times. Ironic reports that the 31 year old Indian national was hospitalized last month for severe abdominal pain. Doctors learned that the man had inserted a large eel into his anus. You know, he tried the. I don't know what it is, doc. Oh, you know what? It might be that eel I shoved in there. I'll be honest, I'm not going to judge a man who puts a needle in his anus. Yeah, all right, that's a more. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Amore is a more. Is a more, baby. Delightful. Delightful. During emergency surgery, they discovered the nearly 26 inch long eel. What the hell is that? That's. That's big. You know, I think we found your answer, sir. Yeah. Do you remember putting an eel in your ass? Do you remember? It's about to get worse. They discovered that the eel had bitten through the patient's rectum and colon to escape into the abdominal cavity. I would imagine that the eel doesn't care for this, wouldn't you think? Yeah, it wants out. Hold on. But after removing the eel, the doctors also extracted a lemon. Through the analysis, a garnish of. Got a season, Josh? Lemons. You know, you gotta a lemon. Tell me, Bren, your thoughts on this? Well, I'm wondering is, does the lemon, was that like bait for the eel? Right, right. True. It's. It was not clear how and when the lemon had been inserted into the man's wreck. Maybe a lead blocker. You know, maybe he put the. Maybe he put the eel in. No, no, he went to lemon and then he sent the eel in to get the lemon. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think Tommy's on to something here. You put the lemon in to keep things open because the eel won't want to. Won't try to get in. You have to slide it in. It's kind of like, you know, when sloth and the Goonies holds the. The boulder up so that everyone absolutely get through. That's. It's the same thing. The lemon. I don't know. You're right. He gives you lemons. Shove them back there. I'll figure something out. Oi. Aren't you glad you didn't wake up this morning thinking, you know, lemon? I think two beers and an eel and a lemon. It is Friday. I hate when they use teeth, you know? Yes. Our guest. If it's a lemon, we're gonna have to get a shandy. I would think summer. Summer shandy. Right, right. Okay. Sours before five. Yes. Not the season for shandy. Our Guest Willie G. Pat, do you have a song about the eel? Is that you do? Oh, we could do something like that. I think. Yeah, I think he does. Yeah. So I'd like to know where you got the more. Rain. I'd like to know where you got the more. Thank you very much, everybody. We're carrying him out on our shoulders. No verse. Talked about no verse. Hey, what's squirreming? Okay, let's find out more about our guest. Tommy And Tommy, you're Huge family. Eight kids, right? Big family. Yeah. Eight kids. Would your parents. Interesting jobs of any kind? Mom. Mom's stay at home. Mom, Dad's a doctor. Oh. Kind of fun. Yeah. Because I don't have health insurance, so that's a good. It's a good relationship. He's like, I don't believe in your career. I'm like, me too. Right. Right back at you. It was. Yeah. My dad's a doctor. We. Everything was at home for us. You know, if you have, like, if, you know, medical people, they don't really believe in healthcare, so everything was at home. The operation, stitches. I got stitches two times on our kitchen table. That's not. That's gotta be malpractice. Wasn't sterile. My dad would clear off the mail and be like, get up there. That's also how I was conceived. But I would die hard. You know him. Yeah. Yeah, it was. It was a fun time. Never went to a doctor. Still don't really know how to behave. When I go, it's like a stranger. Sure. He's like, do you smoke? I'm like, are you gonna tell Mom? I'm scared. You know, that's. That's. That is very awkward. Yeah. Yeah. My dad and I, we're. We're good. It's. You know, I still use them for, like, medical care, though, but it's just. It's a weird, weird. That's a weird relationship to have with your primary care. Yeah. Physician. He'll tell me to drink less. I'm like, you. You gotta hug more. Let's treat the root cause, not the symptom. And by the way, just a little word of warning. You're getting to the age where. Oh, I know. I gotta get a new one before then. Yeah. Otherwise I'm gonna send a Neil up there. Yeah, maybe. Time. That is an awkward day. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if it begins with. What's your mom's name? Aaron. Hey, Aaron. I'm out of gloves. You got those ones you use in the dishwasher? I'd wash the Table off real quick if I were. Yeah. Last week this show emanated from Iowa. We had a great time. We also sold a bunch of shirts and we're gonna give the money to the Stead Family Children's Hospital. I think we're have a number on that. I guess by Monday, I know it's approaching $9,000. Is that right? 10,000. Oh, cool. Well, great. We're going to be doing a new shirt. We got a couple visits coming in honor of the baseball season. We're going to be visiting Cincinnati and Toledo, Ohio, and we will have some very special shirts and again, once again, donating the money to a children's hospital in those towns. So we'll be letting you know about all that coming up. You ever been to Iowa, by the way, Tommy? I have. Yeah. I got. Last time I was in Iowa, I really embarrassed myself. Myself. Oh, I. We were. We were doing a show and I don't know, I got some, like, road. Road jokes that, like, Plug and play. I almost said it. Yeah. I was like, this story's gonna be rad. Oh, my God. No, I. You know. Yeah, I got like, some plug and play jokes where you make fun of the town nearby. And, you know, and I asked. I was in Dubuque and I asked for a town to make fun of and. And this. This bartender said, Waterloo. So I. I get on stage and I take four or five swings at Waterloo, really bombing, like, missing big. Can't figure it out. And then I get off stage and my buddy Tim Smith, who is headlining, he stops me on the way off stage. He goes, hey, Waterloo is the only historically black town in Iowa. Crazy. So the bartender completely screwed me over. I was up there looking so racist. Racist. I was saying stuff like, go back to Waterloo. If I wanted to dive an overdose, I'd move to Waterloo. All this crazy stuff. And. And she didn't get what I was going for. She was black and from Waterloo. And I was like, you see what I look like? You can't tell me that. Yeah, it was. Yeah, that was a nightmare. I haven't been back to Iowa since. Coming up next on the Bob and Tom show on this Friday morning, it'll be Second Taxi Time with Ali Breen here on the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom. Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out. That's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for a three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required new customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of network's busy taxes and fees extra see mintmobile.com Screen Door Productions presents Fireworks Safety and you 4th of July Fireworks are fun for the whole family. But caution must be exercised to keep the holiday celebration a safe one. That's why unparalleled in design and function, the patented one of a Kind Furglar 5000 Fire Defeater is on sale today in Aisle 5 at Ferglar's Hardware. Should you find yourself surrounded or engulfed in flames and a fire defeater is not enough hand following these steps might save your life. Here's Brittany having fun at the annual neighborhood fourth of July street fireworks display. Not knowing that danger lurks around every inch of this cul de sac. Careful Brittany. That lit roman candle in the tipped over coke bottle is aiming right at you and your highly flammable tight white T shirt and shorts. Luckily, Matt knows that Dallas oneself with water is a good idea in fire prevention. Matt has the top of the line ferglar flexible 9050 foot hose. Look, Brittany's got the right idea doing it herself. Making sure that the highly flammable front part of her shirt gets the wettest. And the colder the water, the better. Better. Matt suggests that Britney get on top of the nearest car hood. Oh yeah, maybe dancing would help. Maybe to something from White Snake. While a garden hose is a good start, an even safer method is to get into the nearest shower in someone's home in order to completely douse potential flames or to prevent the flames laying still dormant from spreading. Always thinking of others neighbor. Jason yells out I have a shower. I have a shower. I have a. Hey, I have a shower. Okay. Good work Jason. Now that's being a real team player. Here we see Brittany soaking herself in the shower with flowing, warm caressing water. Everyone knows that shower fire prevention is best accomplished with teamwork and in the nude. Here's Amber, just in time to help both of them. Oh, fire hate soapy, lathered up, creamy, soft, pulsating skin. That's it girls. Get every square inch. That's. That's it. By secretly videotaping this exercise, Jason knows the girls would give a realistic uninhibited performance for online purchasers of this all important fireworks safety video. This concludes fireworks safety and you now change the real for part two. And thank you. Welcome back and happy 4th of July. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. This is the Bob and Tom show. The gang is back in here live on Monday morning. Right now, it's Sexy Time with Ali Breen. I'm Josh Arnold and Tom, we may or may not get hooked up eventually with Allie Breen. We're waiting to hear. Regards in regards to sex. Well, I have an important letter here. Okay, good. I'll talk to you. Jess. Nicka. Yes. Now the. I ran this by the other Jess and she didn't get it, didn't understand it. Josh doesn't think it's interesting. I found it absolutely fascinating. Our guest yesterday, Dyke Sanders. Dyke Michael Michaels. Sorry. Harry Sanders. Dyke Michaels. He was really funny. I really liked him. Yeah, I'm kidding. He's such a nice guy. But he made this observation. I just thought it was so interesting because I've lived my whole life and I. This happened to me and I never thought about it until just now when he mentioned it. And the. It is the following, that when he was a kid, if he had to throw up, his. His family, they would. They would give him the same bowl that you get popcorn in. In my case, it was the stainless steel bowl. And that was, hey, oh, you're feeling sick quick. And you'd grab the popcorn bowl, which was the experience of almost all of us. Apparently not you now. No, it was a. Here's a trash can. Really? And it might be the trash can full of, like, nasty stuff, which doesn't help when you're nauseous. Well, if you need to puke, it does help. Okay, now, Gregory. Hi, Gregory. Kind enough to write he had a somewhat dissimilar experience. Our son woke up in the middle of the night saying he had to puke. It was dark. My wife ran into the kitchen, grabbed the first thing she came to after vomiting. We turned on the lights. She had grabbed a colander. The good news. The good news. No chunks made it onto the bed. Oh, my goodness. Oh, well. Boy, that. At least you edited out the chunks. Always, always, always a bright side. Okay, let's hook up the saddle and go to New York City where we have the lovely Allie Breen and. Hi, Allie. How are you today? Good. How are you guys? Good. Doing well. Got your big glasses on? I'm just getting used to them. Oh, yeah, me too. Okay. They look great. They do look. They do look very, very nice. And the name of the show is Sexy Time. And it's all about trying to help people with their love lives and their pursuits, etc. Etc. Etc. Let's just get right to our letters. What have you got? Dear Allie, I just found an airtag in my car dashboard and I asked my girlfriend if she put it there and she said yes, just in case the car ever gets towed or stolen. So we know where it is. But she never told me she was doing that, so I feel like she was actually checking up on me. It makes a noise every time I get in the car, but if I didn't do that, I don't think she ever would have come clean. How big of a red flag is this? Well, I don't know. I mean, I. It's hard to say whether or not she's being honest. She's not. That's legit. But I think she should have said something. Yeah, if it were that reason, she would have said. I mean, that's smart to do that. Yeah, it is if you're the owner of the car, but it's just your friend. I don't. Yeah, girlfriend. Yeah, girlfriend. Yeah, like you guys co owned the tag together. If that was the case, not even owning it just matters. Hey, by the way, I put an air tag in your car just in case it gets stolen. And I can monitor every move you make and know exactly where you are and doesn't. But there's a thing you can do with your cell phone anyway, right? Yeah, you could. If the person has it on. If you have your locations on. I don't keep mine on. But if you do, you're. Somebody can find you. I have no idea. They're more than welcome. Wait, you can track someone else through location? Yeah, have to agree. Find my. You know, find people or I know people will do that with their kids, so they know. Yeah, I don't. You know, whatever. Go ahead. Who cares if the car gets stolen? Let it get stolen, you get a new car, insurance covers it. No, no, no. That's the dumbest thing you've ever said. And that's a big. The dump. Just wait, we've got more time. That's a big warehouse of things. Not as big as mine. I'd take it out. I think I. If it made a noise every time. Yeah. Why does it make a noise? If you take it out and she throws a fit? Doesn't make it. You probably know where she's at. I think it does make a noise. I know when I go near an air tag, it'll go like. It'll chirp sometimes. Oh, I don't think it always does, but yeah, it does occasionally. Really? I don't know. I think it's great though, because it's literally, you can stalk someone and have plausible deniability after the fact. Like, I was just protecting you. Like. No, no, but if you're gonna do. You should say to the person, I'm doing that. But. No, but as having a car stolen. I've been through that. It's no, the insurance company doesn't just hand you a new car. Well, after two weeks, they won't. It's. First of all, it's. In my case, it was 30 days and you don't get as nice of a car. Well. Oh, I thought that Jess was right. I thought you got like a nicer one usually. Or at least the value of your car back. Yeah, great. Trust me, it's a huge pain. Huge pain in the ass. So. And then eventually we found the. We did find the car and had to get a lawyer to go look at it. And it had been smashed up and there was crap everywhere and they didn't prosecute the guys that stole it. It was a. Fun times. Oh, boy. All right, let's go on to our next letter. Once again, we're speaking with Ally Breen. A L L I B R E E N. You'll find Ali Breen on your favorite social media platform. What else have you got? Dear Ally, my girlfriend and I just moved in together and she has her best friend stay over all the time on the couch. I have to wake up from work earlier and I have to tiptoe through the house to make breakfast and shower, and it's a real invasion of my space. I think she'd flip out if I did the same, but she acts like I should just deal with it. Is it worth fighting over? I don't necessarily agree that you. I get that you're being very polite, but you do not have to alter your schedule for this guest. Yeah, you make noise. I mean, I don't mean go over the topic you normally do, but just do what you normally do. I was really hoping this letter would go a different direction, like a three way. That's what I. Oh, that would be one direction. Not my secret scene. But yeah, I was thinking there'd be some kind of. It turns out she's much more interesting than my girlfriend. Falling for the friend. Yeah. He starts spending the night in the living room. Would it be too much if I asked him to switch places? Well, he could test the waters. He could take Josh's advice, but just do that. Like, walk through naked. Do his normal routine. Just walk around naked. Start getting ready. In and out of the shower. That would. Yeah. You're being a very nice person. You're being a nice person. But a guest knows that they're. How. After a certain amount of time, they should realize that this is not. Well, sure. But. But some don't. Yeah. Yeah. They're. We. We've all experienced that. No, you live your life. You got to go to work. That person gets to go back to sleep for free at your house. Yeah. Play your video games. Invading your space. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. By the way, Ali Breen is also on Only Fans A L L I B is where you find her. Ali, we had an interesting news story this morning. Christie was reading it about a. A lady that does some very specific weird. She talked about some of the weird stuff she does for serious money, including one guy paid. Was it a couple thousand bucks to have. This is on Only Fans Man's Alley to watch. Okay. To watch her measure her nose for 20 minutes. 20 minutes. What? Measuring her nose. Not even naked. Wow. Not even naked. Nope. She doesn't have an unusually large. What's it called? Probiscus. Yeah. No. She's a. Just a pretty lady, and the guy just wanted to know the dimensions of her nose. Very slow. She charges for her custom. She charges 700 to $2,500 for five minutes. Wow. That is. The amount of money you can make on that site is amazing. I was reading they're trying to sell it, and they're having a hard time because of the, you know, content, which is so weird to me now. They must make money hand over fist. I would think anyone would want to buy that. But maybe they're. I don't know. God knows. Maybe there's pending legislation to make fun illegal. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Pornhub's pulling out of everywhere, so maybe. Yeah. We were going super Puritan soon. The last time we talked to you, we suggested since you were. You were painting your condo in Florida, we suggested that you get some giant pieces of paper and put paint on your body and roll over them. People were really interested in that. Have you had a chance to try it? So I literally bought a bunch of white sheets because I was like, oh, I'll just do this on sheets and come put them on canvases. But then I didn't have time to actually do the painting. So when I go back prior to. In like a week and a half or two weeks, I'm all game. I'm gonna do it. Interesting. Yeah. You can hang it up in back of where you're doing your broadcast. Yeah, exactly. You'll see the art change in my apartment drastically. That's good. And Allie has more letters. Go ahead, Ally. Dear Allie, I found condoms in my boyfriend's shaving kit. And when I asked him about it, he got mad at me for going through his bag. I was actually just trying to help out and put all of his stuff away after a business trip. And the fact that he got defensive and mad at me instead of answering my question looks pretty shady. Am I right? I wonder why he would have the condoms. Maybe she'd say, yeah, yeah. I mean, here's the thing. Maybe there's kind of only one reason. Let's say, look, there was a time where I had condoms in my shaving kit when I was on the road. If I then got a girlfriend and she said, hey, why are there condoms in your shaving kit? Oh, it was because I needed them. I don't need them now. I'll take them out. I wouldn't get mad. Yeah, you get nervous response. That is a weird response. He's guilty. But if you see how old those condoms are, then they should be kind of worn. Right. The outside wrapper. Because they've been in there for so long. Maybe tousled versus, like. Yep, fresh. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, they look. If they've been in there for a while, like, they've been in there for a while. Do they have a. Do they have a Born on date? Yeah, I don't think they do. They do have the expiration. Kind of ironic, really. Yeah, he's. He's. This guy's screwing around, obviously. He should just go, oh, you know what? There was a time I needed those. I don't anymore. Yeah, that's the response. That would have been the problem, but I do. No, there's no way this guy's right. That's. That's what we're suggesting, Road mong. His response. His response suggests he's. He's being nefarious. If you get defensive or you start curling a girl crazy, immediately you've done something wrong. Right? Yeah, that's the. That's the tell. Let's get to our next letter. Once again, comedian Ali Breen is our guest. What do you got, Ally? Dear Ally, my girl always asks advice on things, and I'm realizing that she's always just going to do what she was going to do anyways. What you have there is a woman. We literally got in a fight about this last night. And we always fight over why she bothered asking my advice at all. It's getting really frustrating. Do I need to just relax about this or I'm right, right? This is the worst behavior. Yeah, you do have to relax about this. This is every. I'm sorry, this is most women, every. And you eventually learn to go. You go, here's my advice. But, honey, I want you to do what you're most comfortable with and what you think is best. Just always end it with some caveat of diplomatic. Yeah, that's really good advice. I just said, I want a divorce. Which worked last night. Literally. This happened to me because I always ask. I like to ask questions and overanalyze. And Donnie goes, why does it matter what I think? You're going to do whatever. Like, you're going to do the opposite of whatever I say, so just do whatever you want. And I was like, well, I just want to talk it out and analyze my options. That's what you guys don't get. Yes, Jess is right. We just want to talk it out. We don't actually want your advice if you're on our side. No, but Tom, Ali's right. That's what, that's what women want. They just, they don't really want the feedback. They just want to be able to say, well, we did review it. Exactly. And they hope that. We hope that you're going to say what we're going to do. What guys want women to do is to say, hey, I'm not interested in what you think. Think or your advice. Just sit there and be tortured while I talk for five minutes. Yes. Is that so hard? Five minutes. This wasn't my idea, but I have heard it and I've used it and it works. And when they're like, hey, we need to talk about something, it's like, do you, do you want me to listen or do you want me to offer advice? I ask that too. And if they're like, I just want you to listen, then you know, know that. Right. They're just trying to work it out themselves. That doesn't work for me because, as you know, I've been capable of listening and you're always giving advice without the proper input. So it's often not very good. I think we've solved that one. That's a big victory for us. We have time for one more letter. Ali Breed is our guest. She's a very fine stand up comedian in New York City and she's also painting a condo in Florida. Florida. But right now she's in the city and what have you got? Ally. Dear Ally, I'm in love with a guy who I work with. And if I ask him to go to lunch or do something after work, he's usually game, but he never asks me to do anything first. We've talked a lot, and he told me he isn't dating anyone right now because he isn't over. As an ex, I think if I keep being pushy, we could get to a place where we could get together. But my friends are saying if I want someone to actually love me, I need to give them space and let them come to me. What do you guys think? He's just not into you. That's exactly right. Now, we're not saying that. He may not. No, I'm not even going to say that. He's let her down easy. Yes, he's. He isn't as into you as you are. Him. Now, before. Before Jessica says it, I'll say it. Kidnap him. I was gonna just say show up at his house. I knew it. I knew it. Look how much she thought about me. She's so thoughtful. She cares. The worst thing you can do is to step on the gas here. Yeah, he's saying I'm not into my ex. He'. Yeah, yeah, back off. Yes. No guy has ever turned. No guy has ever been turned off by a girl playing it cool. So, yeah, that's the chance she has. If she lets him think she's not interested, maybe he'll come along. But, yeah, the pushiness is not going to go. And I can even give you advice, I'm sure we all could, on how to get this guy to maybe, if you, in earshot of him, talk with another girl about a date you had. And even if it's made up, just talk about how you. Hey, I really. This guy was really funny. And I think we probably are gonna see each other again. Mm. That would work. The guy that you're interested in is gonna do one of two things, and it'll tell you either way. He'll. He will either do nothing, which means he was never really into you. You, or he will ask you out in a half hour. Yeah, yeah. But if it's at work and, like, someone's a boss of the other person, that could be an issue as well. Like, maybe he's like, I don't want to get involved with someone at work. You know? But he would have said that. Get him fired. Get him fired. You really are becoming. Yeah, I know. I've learned how she works Yeah, I figured it out. Now I'm gonna. Yeah, just be to him. You'll always work. We're coming right back on this Friday morning. Comedian Dyke Michaels is in for a segment. Stand by for that. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom, close your eyes, exhale. Feel your body relax and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh. I. They're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contacts. More of the best of the Bob and Tom show now on this Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. Here's a segment with comedian Dyke Michaels. We have a guest in the studio. He is comedian Dyke Michaels. Hello. We've learned a little something about you, but not everything. And so I'm going to continue to ask questions that may get me in trouble. Now we know that you're all, you're also, you also work at a restaurant as a chef. Yep. But you're a full time standup comedian as well. You have an unusual background. You were raised by your grandparents. Now let's, let's do it this way. What other jobs did you have before being a comedian and before being a chef, did you have any other interesting. Yeah, briefly, I was a bouncer at a strip club. Oh, no kidding? Yeah. I combined two of my least favorite things, physical altercations and glitter. I was working there, man. There are these two different girls that dance under the same stage name. Oh, boy. Privilege. So to tell them apart, we called them white privilege and black privilege. White privilege, of course. God, the better time slots. It was pretty messed up because I think black privilege was actually Puerto Rican. It was a bad club. Yeah, I, we, we knew a guy that worked here that was also a strip club DJ and tough gig. A lot of drama. A lot of unnecessary drama. He did it for a long time, but he hated it. Man, it's like a soap opera. I always thought there should be a TV show that just takes place and just, just the, the daily workings of us inside of a strip club. Sure. Because you'd be amazed at how quickly nudity becomes just like part of your job. You know, someone's just sitting there complaining about work. You know, you kind of forget that they're topless after. After the first day or two. Yeah. That's how it is here with Kristen. Yeah. Was there a den mother of sorts? Yeah, yeah, they call it a house mom. A house mom? Yes. Yeah. Where? That's an older, maybe retired stripper a lot of times who sort of just oversees the girls back in the locker room or, you know, dressing room. Make sure they don't fight or something. Yeah, kind of. They have all this stuff if they need, you know, makeup or lady stuff. My first day on the job working there, I saw a fight in the parking lot between the house mom and a stripper and they were fighting over loose Xanax. That's as sad as anything. That is hilarious. And the house mom was the stripper's actual mother. Too bad. Yeah. Maybe your string is showing. Yeah, maybe. Maybe it's time to get a better gig. Glad you segued into the world of cooking. My dad was offered a job to be a. He was a dj. Like dances and weddings and pr and he was offered a strip club job and he was going to take it because the money was okay, but my mom said, hey, hey, you have four boys. What are you going to tell them? You do. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, maybe I shouldn't do this. And I bet you. I bet you were really disappointed. Dad. Even four year old dad, it's. Take your son to work today. I want to meet this lady you call Mercedes. What do you mean? Galaxy's a. Okay, sorry. We're hanging out with a comedian, Dyke Michaels. We also have Christy Lee over there. What's happening? A new report out there reveals the CIA operated a Star wars fan website as part of a covert global communication network. According to 404 Media, independent security researcher Ciro Santelli Santilli identifies. It's his name. Ciro Santilli identified Star Wars Web.net net as a CIA run site established around 2010. Who are they looking for in that nerd? The platform believed to have been used to discreetly exchange messages. Josh. With intelligence operatives worldwide. Oh, okay, so they were searching for people. They were, yeah. You got a guy that's, you know, working undercover in China. Yeah, yeah. And he can go on this thing and he knows or. Wow. Yeah. Santilli's investigation also uncovered several other websites, sites likely tied to the agency, including pages focused on extreme sports, Brazilian music, and even a comedian fan site. Ooh, doesn't name the comedian. Is it all comedians? Suggesting a broader strategy of using seemingly innocuous websites for Secure communication. Interesting. So you. Wow, that's, that's so interesting that. I mean it's. People are now going to think, think that Star wars is actually on the dark side because they're doing covert operations with. You know, I don't like it when they give away their secrets. Right. I'm the same. I always say, like when USA Today would go, tomorrow we're going to be invading. Hey, hey, hey. Yeah, nuts. They get USA Today over there. Shut up. I don't. I like it when the secret agencies stay secret. I don't need to know. I'm very pro. Covert operations. Yeah. I think there should be more of it. I don't know how some of these people are still living across the world. We can't get somebody to tap Putin with an umbrella. You know what I mean? All of a sudden he's dead. But you wonder what, like now any site could be a CIA. Like I wonder if that one site I look at only Wookiees. I wonder if that's a CIA site. Wouldn't a good place for the CIA to hide online be CIA dot com. No one's going to assume. But see, this is suggesting that the Siths killed jfk. It was uncovered because the guy's screen name was Agent Double O. Jar Jar or something like that. Oh, that's Tom's favorite character. Jar Jar Binks. Yeah, there's a poor jar jerk jar got drummed out of the movies because of political correct. No, we've tried to explain this to you. You have to listen to this. There was some political correctness people who were upset about. But it was mostly because he was annoying and unfunny. That's why they faded him out. Oh, I thought he was really funny. We have a self proclaimed nerd here. Dyke Michaels. You're the only one, Tom. You really. I will say this. It was a, it was a, it was a bummer because the, the, the young actor who played Jar was a like a young black dude. And they got this part and they were telling, they were gassing him up and they were like, you are gonna be the next Chewbacca. You are gonna be beloved for generations to come. You are part of this pantheon of Star Wars. And then he became the most hated character. That's so sad. Wasn't he a member of like Bring into Noise, Bring into Funk or something? I didn't know that. Moo Jar Jar or the actor. Yeah, the actor who played I Bring into Funk. Nisa Bringing the noise. You heard my favorite song, Funky NASA. I do Love that song, by the way. Funky Nassau. Oh, that's such a great song. I have no idea what you're talking. Nassau is funky. Nassau's gone funky. Nassau's got soul. No, is it old or new? Because with you it's either brand new or whale. Yes, it's old. It's very old. Oh, okay. And who does it? Pat, you remember who does it? I do not. NASA. No, it's like. Like the beginning of the end or something. Here we go. This is a little bit of funky Nassau is a reggae, big horns, everything I love. What is this? Samba? Nassau's gone funky NASA. Is it called the beginning of the End? Beginning of the end, that's right. We've got a I going beat now. 1971. That's great. It's all right. It's all right. Yeah, yeah. It's not. It's not all right. No, it is all right. It's a Earth changing great. I'm sure for you at a young 1971 age, it was something to you. Yeah, yeah. No, it's eternal. Its greatness lives forever. I just love that funky NASA. There's a thing where he keeps repeating Funky NASA. Oh, yeah. I love that. When they don't know what else to write. Throw something on there. Not the best lyrics since Papa Umau MAU. I love nonsense lyrics. Do you have any adult personal relationships of any particular sphere? Oh, like a wife or girlfriend. Yeah, but he asks it like he's an alien learning. I'm trying to leave the door open. Covering all bases, whatever. Boyfriend, girlfriend, they. Them. Yeah. Yes. Anything's anything going on in that street. No, I'm familiar with the concept. I remember. Yeah, it's better. No, I've been. I've been single. I feel like it's part of being a comedian. It's either either you're single or your wife runs your. Your business for you, you know? Have you ever been married? I have not, no. You were engaged, though. I was pre. Engaged. Engaged. Okay. Yeah, I was engaged enough to change my name, but you're right not to buy a ring. Are you still on speaking terms with the aforementioned fiance? On most of them, yeah. Most? There's more than one? I mean, most of the X's. I feel like I'm pretty good. Oh, wow. Yeah. How many X's you got? There's a lot. There's a decent amount. Do you ever occasionally hook up with any of them? Oh, like, go back to the well, yeah, man. I'll tell you what. Around, around, like Covid times Like, I hit up a lot. Yeah, yeah. Like, like once you could start going out in public. Yeah, I had some. I revisited some of the old hits. Now, once again, you mentioned you were raised by your grandparents. Did you get the sex talk from your grandmother? I, I got the sex talk from my mom. And she tried to be so scientific as a family full of scientists. And she was very uncomfortable. And she said, let me see if I can. She said when. She was like, well, when you become a man and you become excited, your penis will become engorged. So it's very, very straightforward science. And the very first thing I thought about was like, an Indians game. Base is loaded. Someone hits a grand slam and every man stands up to cheer and they're excited and they just start, start going. And I started to cry and I was like, I never want to be a man. That sounds terrible. So that kind of excitement. Yeah, I can see why you're really into Star Wars. Do you do the dating apps? I don't, I don't like the dating apps much because I feel like you can always tell what messed up someone's last relationship from their current bio. You know, it's always something like, Cat32. I'm not going to be invested in no cryptocurrency. Like, what happened. Yeah, Cat lost a lot of money on that Harua coin. Coming up next hour on the Best of the Bob and Tom Show, Christy and Pat swap shirts and comedian Joe Dombrowski. But next, it's comedian Derek Stroop. Come on back. This is the Bob and Tom show. Don't miss Blinds.com's 4th of July mega sale. Happening now. Save up to 50% plus get a free professional match. Blinds.com invented a better way to shop for window treatments with upfront pricing, no showroom markups, and no salespeople in your home. Choose from classic shutters to outdoor shades and more, all backed by our 100% satisfaction guarantee. Don't miss blinds.com's 4th of July mega sale. Save up to 50% plus get a free measure. Rules and restrictions may apply. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. On this Friday, Independence Day. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. Bunch of great comedians still on the way. Henry Phillips and Greg Hahn are coming up next hour. Right now, a segment with Derek Stroop. We have another guest, Derek Stroop. Great to meet you, Derek. The listeners are writing in. Oh, awesome. Many listeners want to know what that cologne you're wearing is. That's right. Yeah. They can smell It. No, man. I was already given a warning about this. They were like, well, we didn't. We didn't book you the normal way. These guys hate cologne. I even went in to the bathroom and wiped myself down with towelettes for you. Very interesting people in here. My goodness. No, no. When you hop into a cab in New York City, I bet you love the smell. You go, now, this is natural. This is what I was looking for. I have, like, a weird allergy to it. Yeah, no, he was telling me. I mean. And. And I go, I'm the worst person to miss this email because I love cologne. I mean, I put on cologne to take out the. Yeah, I love. I love cologne. Is this a Southern thing? You know, I don't know if it's a Southern thing. My grandfather wore a lot of cologne, and when I was a little kid, he came and stayed, like, a week at our house, and he slept in my room. And I remember when he left, my pillow and my bed smelled like his cologne for, like, three weeks. And I. I loved it. I. I was like, I want to wear what he wears. And so I just started wearing cologne at a really young age. Will you guys cologne up before you're on, like, a play plane? Look, he's like. He's, like, looking out for other people like him. He's like, you sit next to people, I'm gonna tell you, you're gonna hate my answer. I put on cologne for all situations. I. I got in my head one time, I saw this reel that came on, and this guy was blasting men that put on cologne to go to work with men. Yeah. And I was like this. I don't wear it thinking like that. I just wear it to smell good. But, like, I mean, I've done some blue collar jobs, and if I'm going to cut grass ass, your boy's gonna smell good while he's on the lawnmower. Yeah, yeah. All right. What is the. What is the name of your cologne? Well, I have to say Lifelong Intuition Fan by Estee Lauder, but they recently discontinued that, which is heartbreaking. Y' all wouldn't understand. We've all been there with deodorant, shampoo, Dolce Gabbana. The one is what is what I have on right now. So. See, I see it as a form of bull bullying. Yeah, yeah. I can tell. Yeah, yeah. It's a real. So, Derek, when you were young and you liked your grandfather's cologne, was it weird being the only third grader wearing English leather? One time, all my friends, they Invited me kind of last minute to go to a movie. My mom said I ran inside, went to the bathroom, took all my. You remember that Polo green? Oh, sure. Yeah, man. I mean, that's what. That's what my grandfather were. And she said I just took the top off and I just dumped it all over my body. And she said when I came out of the bathroom, like, nobody could be within, like, 30 yards. I missed the movie. And she made me soak in vinegar. Yeah, yeah. And then I looked it up, and vinegar doesn't even help in that situation back in the day. Listen, back before the Internet, parents, we just did, like, home. You just guessed. Yeah. You didn't get to Google my son smells like cologne. You go, I just poured apple cider vinegar. Lay down in it for a little bit. Somebody's like, I think this is for bee stings or for skunks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I love it. Do you know, is this the kind of cologne that you. You spray it in the air and walk through it, or is this, like a liquid you smear on? I think that women spray in the air and walk through it. That's exactly. I think men spray directly. So I'm gonna step back. Back and. And spray. And I mean, you know, this is a. Maybe a big moment for me where I can be more conscious of the people that are around me, you know? Because now, in hindsight, if we saw maybe a smash cut of my life, there's all these people around me, like, doing that. What is. You know. Ladies and gentlemen, taking the stage. Derek's room. Yeah. And then there's one woman from Kansas that goes. I don't know. I like it. Yeah. Smelled anything like that? That's what you want. And honestly, like, Derek, I think I relate to you clearly more than anybody else in this room. Like, being a black dude, getting ready to go to the club with other black men. It was ironing clothes and putting on cologne and getting your hair right with your waves. But there is, like, a male grooming routine, and I feel like the cologne is part of it for sure. That's why you were like. Even when I went to work. It's like, almost like a finishing thing. It is. I'm ready to go now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I totally, totally get that. Yeah. Sometimes I'll forget to put it on, and I'll be going out, and I'm like, I really. I don't have the juice right now. I don't have. I don't have that thing that makes them go, okay. Your boy Stroop over there. So your. Your fiance. Yeah. She digs the. She must. Yeah, yeah, he said she must. But Christy and I were talking about this. You want whatever your girl says, says smells good or bad, you go with what she says. Yeah, no, no, I agree. And. And that. I mean, there's been times where she's like, I don't love that shirt on you, and that'll damage you. I mean, you're the only. I mean, your opinion, you know, carries a lot of weight, you know? Yeah, we'll just wait till you're married and you go out with her and she says, get this shirt. You get it the next time you have it on. She goes, I don't like that shirt on you. And you go, but wait a minute. You picked it. No, I didn't. Yeah, I'm sorry. That's my life. We have a comedian, Al J. Jackson, right over there from Denver, Colorado, and we have comedian Derek Str. From Harvest, Alabama. And why are you introducing us like this is an amateur boxing night? Because it is. Now you tell me. Get up. I clearly didn't do this one by weight class. I'd be texting Derek before the fight. Please don't hit me that hard. Texting pictures of my kids. Now, we were just talking off the air about something, and. And Derek coughed up this trivia fact. Okay. He mentioned that he just moved to New York City. Correct. So I asked him, do you have a car? Because keeping a car in New York City, which I have done, and it's not worth it. But you told me you don't drive at all. No, I. I do not drive at all. I have. I haven't drove in 14 years. So I mean, I. You know, sometimes I'll park the car in the parking lot and the adrenaline is un. Real. Yeah. Like, we'll get to Cracker Barrel, and I'll go. Let me back it in, you know? You know, let me show you. Big dog. Still got it, you know. So you just. You don't like driving or. No, no. 14 years ago, I. In what kind of started my comedy career and changed my life. I got two DUIs in six months. And I say six months because it sounds better than four. And. And I don't drink anymore. Nobody has to worry about me out there. But I gave up. I gave up driving. I never even had a speeding ticket in my life. And I had those two. Those two incidents happen, and it just kind of shell shocked me. And. And I just, you know, gave up driving immediately. And I gave up drinking. About four years ago. But what's funny is, okay, y' all get it, but listen, what's funny about this is I tell this story, about a year ago, I'm out on tour with Bert Kreischer, and we're sitting on his bus, and he goes, hey, man, how does somebody from harvest, Alabama get into comedy? And I tell him this story. I tell him about the DUIs and what type of position it put me in and how it changed my life. And I tell him at the end, I go, and, you know, I. I haven't drank in four years. I haven't drove in 14. And Bert's looking at me, and he puts out his cigar, and if y' all know anything about cigars, that's quite the commitment. And he goes, man, I, I. I've heard a lot of DUI stories. And he goes, they never end this way. He goes, they all end the same way. They all end with, hey, Bert, I have not drank in 14 years. He goes, you just looked at me and said, you have not drove in 14 years. He goes, derek, I think you're the first person I've ever met that gave up the vehicle and not the booze. And. And he's so right, because at the time, I can remember thinking, this Jim Beam's not the problem. This. This Camry is bad luck. I was like, I'm very good at drinking. They just get mad every time. I mean, if the Camry is a V6, I don't know what they're mad at. You know, it's a decent vehicle. But. Yeah. So, yeah, 14 years. Haven't. But living in a rural area. Yeah. No, I didn't. I did. That was the toughest. But only a couple years in a rural area. And then I moved to Denver, and I lived in downtown Denver, just a few blocks from Coors Field, for a decade. And Uber and Lyft and all that definitely made that okay. Yeah. Okay. That all kicked in because, yeah, I know a couple people that don't drive, and it's. It's not easy. Seems freeing. It does, in a way, live in the right place. It seems very, like, well, if you live in a place where you can walk everywhere, or if you're in New York and you can take the subway or whatever, that's great. Yeah. New York is. Is a different beast. I mean, in. In. In Denver, I only Ubered and Lyft. And I'll be honest. I mean, you got a. Al will know this. Denver is a scooter. So city. Yes. And so you can run your errands and live your life in downtown Denver on a scooter. I know it's hard to wrap your head around, but, but, but you can now. It doesn't. You know, when I'm leaving the grocery store and I have seven bags on the handles, it doesn't look like I'm doing great. I'll be honest, I'm doing better than I look. When I'm riding, when I'm holding a gallon of milk headed down Broadway. You got to get two to balance it. Yeah, yeah. One gallon. I'm just doing circles. Parking lot. Somebody buy another gallon. Now. Are you a, are you a cook? You're, you're a man of a certain size. You played football? Yeah, yeah. Do cook for yourself. Yeah, I love, I, I, I love to, to cook. I mean, I'm not somebody that, like, I don't do any complicated recipes. I'm a crock pot guy. Pretty easy stuff. But I learned how to cook at a young age because, I mean, I've, I've been a big guy my whole life, and I can remember at a young age my mom being like, if you're going to eat at this rate, you're going to have to make some stuff. So I can remember being like 7 years old being like, I think the baloney is ready to be flipped. So I've been cooking for, for a while. I love, I like to eat more than I like. Like, I watch a lot of chefs on TV and I don't really pay attention to the recipe. I'm, I'm there for what? I'm there for the finished, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I want to see that bite. Yeah. Oh, so you watch those cooking shows? Like, I watch porn. I just fast forward to the end. Yeah, yeah, that's, that's, that's. I just want the money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exact. Do you eat any unusual food? Any unusual southern type stuff? No. I mean, I tell people I'm a sodium guy from way back. I love salt. I wish I wasn't, man. Sometimes I love it. Sometimes I'll buy baloney and just suck on it, you know? I mean, I mean, I want to get done eating dinner and take off my socks. It looks like I still got them on, you know? Did you, did you see that thing? It was a, it was a couple summers ago, I think. I think it was at a Yankee game where it went one of those viral things where somebody took a hot dog and they, they, they hollowed it out. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Straw and they were sucking the beer out of it. So we tried that here. I didn't know you were going to say that. And, and I did. I did it with a. I did it with coffee. And I gotta tell you, I was quite. It wasn't bad because it was so soft. Salty. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. See now, now I see where you're going. I would like that too because I do love salty. Have you ever had bold peanuts? No. Oh, you would love them. I mean, they're just little sodium, little sodium bombs. Just enough. Yeah, man. I mean, you'll stand up, you'll, you'll go, my legs are heavy. You'll be happy. I like that. Yeah. Coming up in just a few minutes here on the Bob and Tom Show, a great segment with comedian Joe Dombrowski. Stand by. It's coming up on the Bob and Tom show from the award winning morning show on America's favorite radio station, the Ticket, the Musers, the podcast. So right now we're podcasting? No, not yet. He just put us into it. No, I was accidentally podcasting. We were for a second, but we're not now. Well, we want to, we want to start intentionally podcast. That was accidental. That was a false start. 3, 3, 2, 1. Every Wednesday, Junior Miller, George Dunham and Gordon Keith drop a new episode of the the podcast. Follow and listen on your favorite platform 10. Fingered Johnny on the first day of July. He loved the season's grand displays of fireworks in the sky. Way hey Toralor Ali. And so he drove across the state line to the fireworks stand. He came back with a string of firecrackers in his hand. He struck a match and lit them up and everybody ran except for Johnny. Way hey. Boom and up she goes. Six Finger Johnny on the 2nd of July. And his need for large explosions still had not run dry. So he went walking down Main street with two mats he had found and set them off in the gazebo at the center of the town. And when the fuse began to sputter, no one stood around except for Johnny. Way hey boom and up she goes. Three fingered Johnny on the third day of July Jonesing for the ultimate in pyrotechnic highs. Way hey to ralluraly. He tied a brick of Johnny Rebs onto a model plane and then he doused the whole shebang in 93 octane. It flew straight up and straight back down. But nobody was maimed except for Johnny. Way hey. Boom and up she goes. 1.5 limb Johnny on the 4th day of July hopped to the construction site to give it one limit Last try Way hey Too rally Inside the foreman's trailer Was a case of dynamite Johnny held a Zippo tween his toes and set it burning bright the foreman saw the sparks begin and everyone took flight except for Johnny Way hey Boom and up she goes they buried Johnny on the fifth day of July and everyone in town showed up to say their last goodbye and though they knew he was a moron no one could dispute the depth of Johnny's dedication to his Life's pursuit and 67 Roman candles fired off in salute to the 67 pieces left of Johnny Way hey Boom and up she goes this is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back on a Friday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a great funny segment with a funny guy, comedian Joe Dombrowski. Hello, Tom. We've got a special guest. He is a former kindergarten teacher. It's Joe Dombrowski. Now, did you ever teach at the level where they have to start writing stuff so you'd have to make them write your name out? I'll never teach middle school again. That's where dreams go to die. It was the most chaotic mess I've ever taught in my life because they're just like, ruthless, ruthless me. I had a middle schooler too. One time, he looked at me and he said, okay, I don't even know with you guys anymore. You say so much, I'm like, what can I get away with? Oh, okay, they said. He looked at me, he goes, Mr. D, you're nothing but a little bee. Oh, who's still sucking on your mama's teeth? And I looked at him and I said, who told you is wrong? Wow. Now, you. You grew up in the Detroit area. Yes. Did you go to college in Michigan? Central Michigan University, if you're familiar. Bay City, second on Midland Flynn. Say hello right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right there in the middle. Yeah. Soaring Eagle Casino. Yeah. Lost a lot of money there and did grab this new. What is your. What is your. What particular game does one play in the casino that you enjoy most? I was raised to play cap craps at the young age of seven. And that's Christie's game. My game. Yeah. You know, it's just a lead in with throwing dice against the wall, and the next thing you know, you're at the craps table. Oh, yeah. And then roulette, because it's just so easy. You don't have to think about it. Everybody wins at roulette. Yeah. Everybody can win at roulette. Do they? I don't like they do you win and you lose. Yeah, you win and you lose. Lose. And we were talking about gambling earlier because this is the peak gambling season. Oh yeah. Well, we had some stats on the number of people who bet on the college basketball. Yes, we did. Story that chick did not find interesting. No, I. I didn't. I was going right along with the program until Josh. Yeah, I was real bored. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Josh's defense, he doesn't care for basketball. No. Completely indifferent to it. Yeah, I don't either. I hold no ill will towards it. I'm not angry about anything. Except you dislike people who. Who enjoy. That is not true. I. I heard anybody enjoys anything I enjoy. Okay, now let's. Mr. Domi. What kind of activities do you enjoy? Let me. Boy, does this feel like a congressional hearing. Do you feel like I'm gonna say the wrong thing and my career is gonna be over in a blink of an eye? No, I mean, I'm serious. Do you. I'm not gonna say something. Something like do you bowl or do you. Do you enjoy Judy Garland movies? Okay. Yeah. And I love a good pride and an orgy too. Tom. What do you know? Would you like to watch sports? Do you like to paint? Love sports. Big in the March madness right now, everyone. It is exhilarating. I mean tall men in short shorts. Could you believe that? Is that what you wanted? Griswold And I'm a big knitter by the. And I have seven rescue pit bulls. I donate to Sarah McLaughlin every month. Don't they? No. Don't they love an angel. I want to have a fun interview. Not. You are embarrassment to all of us. No, my. My hobbies are redoing my house. We're very handy. There's a lot of. We have a lot of projects going on at the house. And. And it's fun. I live in an old mid century modern. Oh, hey, can I give you some tip here? I don't know if I want it. Yes, you do. No, you do. And Christy will back me up on this. Just give me the name of one of your projects. Don't give me like you're redo. Kitchen. Kitchen. Okay now when it just the name one of my expensive. No, no, that's not the answer. Keep going. When is it. When is it going to be done? Hopefully in six months. No, the answer is not the right answer. It'll at least two years. What do you think, Christy? Yeah, about probably I might take a bath with a toaster. I Can't. Are you having someone else do the work or are you doing it yourself? No, here's the thing. I married one of those people who can do anything, like, not even watch a YouTube video. Just can do it. Oh, gosh. So we are doing it ourselves, which is great, but also, like, I don't want to. I don't want to. I want to get home. I want to have a cocktail and I want to go to bed. I don't want to like grout tile. Look at me. This is going to take forever. I mean, I look like I could be of heterosexual descent, but, honey, I am not. And one night you come home, you have that martini, you look around. Oh, the kitchen's done. That's great. Let's hope that dream. Let's no get there. Christie's doing it right now. I just. Horrible. Went through a four year bill, so we went through. Through it every day. Oh, hell's gonna be done. No, you got. It's a blessing that you guys. You have the means and you have the ability to. Yeah, but you can have all the means you want. But the. The time and the lack of people showing up. I've never heard more people complain about getting new nice things. Oh, my gosh. My large attention took an extra month. It's hard. They bring the wrong color tile days wrong. Oh, no. Disaster. The granite guy is a week later than he said he would. Grant. It's marble. Get it right. No, not marble. It was right on time. And I love my girl. I told you we shouldn't put the gift shop over there on that side of the house. So your hobby is redoing your house? My hobby is project managing. Okay. It's just like watching. Now, in all truth, regardless of the nature of one's relationship, of which the nature is homosexual. But. Okay, that's a much better, more direct way of saying what I was trying to say. Let me in. Yes, let. Keep keeping a relationship intact while building a house or redecorating one is rough. I think it's interesting because when. When the guy painting hands you a divorce attorney's name. Hey, just in case. Most of my clients need this. It's tough because there's a lot of arguing and. But don't you let the Alpha decoration just do their thing? No, no, I let Kelly make all the decisions. That's what I'm saying. That's what I mean. I'll go. Do you like this? He'll go, whatever you want. Honey. Where do you stand in this particular relationship with your man? You know, I think we're just in a happier place because we look out our windows. We have beautiful views of the ocean and everything. And you guys look out your windows and you see corn. So we're just in better spots, you know? That sounded like a shot. No, no, no, I don't. I wouldn't call it a shot. I would call it, you know, a massacre. Yes. Not one shot, but a machine gun spray. There's a lack of water around. Terrible. Sorry, girls. I'm trying to grow some. I'm trying to grow some corn next to the pool house, so we'll see. I don't think your HOA will allow that. Yeah. Okay. Once again, welcome to the Bob and Tom program. If you're just joining us, we're sure having fun. That hasn't done anything for a while. Moving. And I think we've. Our guest, Joe Drowski is regretting coming in, I think, and we're going to ask him to play a song for Pat. Hold on the Baileys. Or vice versa. Or vice versa. On the joke. No, Pat's choking. Are you switching to something, Pat? Is that what I've giving us, a Little Wagon Wheel W2? Stop that. You're my wagon wheel. Thomas, to hear the song that you inspired. You and Austin in the green room with talking about the. Yes, yes. We're talking about the heart problems. Where am I? We're talking about our divorces and heart problems. Do you need your AARP card? Yes, you do, you young whipper snapper. I'm gonna sing now. Thank you. Careful, you might hurt yourself. Forgot my glasses, Joe. Of course you did. You're distracted. Well, take us away, Fraulein Maria. Let's do it. They call me a hypochondriac. Think I'm having a heart attack. Oh, I got a little freckle getting bigger on my back. Something's wrong with my right hand. Should I express my anal gland? Oh, I got that celiac. They say I'm a hypochondriac. This went over better yesterday. Well, shut up, Tom. Don't crap on your own song, chick. Scott. Glaucoma. I think I got it. Oh, Tom had a torn wrist retina. I probably got two. Josh had appendicitis and right wrist arthritis. Oh, and as much as I try to fight it, I think I have bursitis. I gotta do a funny voice sometimes to get a laugh. Thank you. Bronchitis, Meningitis, Hepatitis. I googled the symptoms, Joe. I'm pretty sure I'm their latest victim. Like A retired old timer. I'm pretty sure I have Alzheimer's. This is longer than I remember. Can you let it stay way longer? Let Josh. Maybe. Let Josh get a verse. Yes. That's. Yeah. The prelude to a funeral. Now watch this, Josh. Because he's such a. Smart to ask this guy. Scat now. Oh, you want a little bit of the. I didn't know you put me in after scatting. Put me in, coach. Oh, Rip, zip, do and the flowers of bin. Don't do that with your hand. With a hand. Stop it. I'm fully erect and herbal Dean. Hip, hip and grobbledy Snoop. All right, Chick. You got the slide whistle ready? It wasn't even. Not a slide. Where am I? People listen to this show? No, they used to. In what nursing home? This is insane. Never took a lesson. Grab the slide whistle. And he did. Do the do. Do the. Do the CF sound. What do you got, Tom? Pull something out of your ass. And there's my catheter. After you hear it. I'm producing this. Be quiet. Am I hypochondri? Children. Brus. We've got. We've got an Accord. And we'll make you feel at home. Okay. Play a. Play a polka. I have a large kazoo. Do you want this film? This is insane. Why do you guys play the most phallic instruments around? Someone's gonna pull an elbow out of their colon before I throw him the kazoo. He doesn't want the kazoo. I don't know. I don't need Covid again. Thank you. Hypochondriac line with black or it's not psychosomatic. I'm a psycho maniac. I have two big. You're ruining it. I'm ruining it. I have two big round lumps in my ball sack. Don't. He finally gets a joke. And you're. You're over there around. He finally gets a joke. He has lumps in his ball side. I heard it. That could have. That could affect any of us too. Lumps. Sorry. Not me. Stop it. You have Tom Green on next. It's not funny. I'm a h. We're going to end big Conre. Can you go and hide, Joe? I can't. There we go. That good joke. Wow. Maybe the best morning radio I've ever done. If that's what we're calling this. This was a treat. You're welcome. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, I don't know that I'm gonna be able to make it to the show tonight. Now let's let's move forward here. Christy, dust ourselves off. We have comedian Joe Dombrowski joining us in the studio, but Christie's over. Do you want to go back to the sleep thing or are we done with. With that? There's more. Yeah. Sleep hacks. Some health experts say blue light emitted from our electronic devices disrupt our melatonin production and keep us awake. And that's a big thing that I. That's. I doubt it very much. No, really, I'm a big believer in this. Well, Dr. Gratisuer said this too is a myth. Josh. Oh, I don't trust this doctor anymore. My research team has found that electronics do not have a significant impact on sleep. It's not him, it's his research. If a regular bedtime aligned with someone's natural sleep wake cycle is maintained. So the. There is a caveat. But yeah, he added, you still need to wind down before bed with more passive activities like watching TV or listening to a podcast. I see. All right. Just because a book is on an electronic device doesn't mean I see no difference. Yeah, I kind of see what you're saying there. I guess mine's more mental. Like if you're. If you're doom scrolling. It's just not good for you. Right. It gets into your head and then you're. It depends. Yeah, it depends what you're doing. Watching. You don't want to watch the news under any circumstances. There's also a difference between having your phone right up to your face and watching a TV on a wall nine feet away. Right. I would think. And then finally, the phenomenon wherein couples sleep in separate beds or bedrooms called a sleep divorce. What? Dr. Gratiser approves of this trend, as do I saying there is strong evidence that factors like movement, noise and temperature imbalances from a bed partner can disrupt your sleep quality. Well, that makes sense. That's become a big thing. The term sleep divorce, I think is kind of stupid. Dramatic, right? Yeah. Yeah. Really Cost me a quarter of a million dollars. No, no, laugh it up. Yeah, go ahead. I wonder if there'd be any. This is gonna get me in trouble. Oh, lay it on. Do you think that would be different with the. Statistically with gay couples? What's that? Well, we don't sleep. We just do coke. And we deserve that shop, right? Poppers, right? How did you know about that? You know how I know. I did know. Cuz I saw your dragging behind. You can say any damn thing you want. We don't want to know where that guitar's Been. Anyway, I know you've been waiting for it all morning. Coming up next, Pat and Christie swap shirts. Come on back for that here on the Bob and Tom Show. Good morning. Hope you have some great things planned for this Fourth of July. This is the Bob and Tom show, and this is Christopher here in the Bob and Tom Studios. Here it is. Christy and Pat swap shirts. Ladies and gentlemen, call your friends, call your neighbors, wake the grandma, because it's time. And on YouTube. Yes, Christy and Pat Godwin have switched shirts. Pretty cute in Pat's. Here comes Pat right now. Lovely looking. Very good man. Wow, that's a little bit of cleavage. Stretch it all out. Holy hell. Now, it's a. I called it a hippie chick shirt Shoulders. It's got a very. Help me here. Oh, yeah. Holy hell. What is the name of this type of a blouse? It's a chemise, it's a crop top, and it's an off the shoulder crop top. Pat has pulled it down so you can see both of his, like. What's that? What's the tattoo in your right arm? On my right arm is a Celtic knot. This one is. Oh, that's the sun. No, I swear I'm looking right at the sun, son. Yeah, you are. And the daughter. And it's. It's a very flowery shirt. Yes, very. Is it comfortable? No. Oh, okay. All right. It's very. Paul. Lindy. Ask me why motorcyclists wear leather. Paul. Mr. Paul. And why do motorcyclists wear leather? Because chiffon wrinkles so easy. You know something? We need to. One break. We need to. Have to have Pat sing, like, his best song ever so that it's in perpetuity posted with no explanation as to why he's dressed like this. That would be funny. Yeah. The color is good on you. Yeah, yeah. Oh, again, it's very wide than I do with less hair. I mean, with more hair. Excuse me. Sorry. Tom just said Christy had a lot of hair on her. No, no, I meant I got it. I had it backwards. This is going by too. Oh, I didn't even see. Whoa. I. You smell good. This smells good. So do you. Thank you. Now, Christy is. We made a love connection. So once again, it looks like you just came from the kiln. Yeah, yeah. Throw. I was throwing clay. Oh, yes. That's what potters that look. That or you just had an encounter with some guy and you woke up and you can't find your clothes or where they've been ripped to shreds. And, you know, in the shirt in the heat of passion and you're just wearing. Oh, this is one of your shirts. It's a little big on me because you're so muscular and chesty. Oh, should I. But should I button these buttons near the top, or should I just, you know, let it hang out. Okay. While I go make the coffee? This is my new favorite part of our show. Tom talking like a woman. You're so chesty. I hope it's okay I used your toothbrush. It's not okay. Ever. No, never. Toothbrushes in an emergency. Never. No, I was detailing underneath my nipples. Drink a bottle of vodka. Detailing under her nipples with a tooth. I know. What are you talking about? I thought. I thought it might change the guy's mind. Oh, that. It's okay. As long as it wasn't in your mouth. Mouth. Now, speaking of things that are in your mouth, we have a really interesting story. It's better be about. This better be a story about tongues. Should we. No, no. Get comfortable. I think we. We have to make Pat do, like, his funniest song ever. I don't have one of those yet. So that it makes. It makes the video. I think we should. You should have to do something very earnest, sort of very. Oh, oh. What would be the most Lighthouse. Hey. Oh, no, no, stop it. That's on. On the Chick McGee on Instagram. Here it comes. Did you get. Did you get Christie in his shirt also? So you can have the comparison there. They're together. Get that shot. Okay, now. Boy, they have switch shirts. Okay, that's a lot less a pad. He'll like that one better. Yeah. Thank you. Okay, now what. What is. What is your most earnest song, Pat? Well, I have a lot of serious songs from when I first started in the business. For 10 years, I was a serious songwriter, and I became Got. Things got quirkier. How about, you know, Christina Aguilera's I Am Beautiful? I am Beautiful. Doesn't that start with Weird Whisper Every single way? I feel pretty. Oh, so pretty. Oh, I know. I. How about that Elton John one? That's. That is guitar based rather than. That's your love song. Yeah. Not. Yeah, that one. There it is. Chick's got to sing, though. Oh, I'll sing. Words I have. Oh, I'm way early. Oh, so, so nice guitar. It is pretty. The words I have to say they will be simple but they're true, true. Hey, man, you're wearing a dress. He's going to heckle you. There's no other way. Even Elton wouldn't wear that. Elden would say that's too gay. Hey, tone it down, Pat. Love is the open end door. Beyond gay. Love is what we came here for. That in the sex. No one could offer you more. Do you know what I mean? We're almost have your eyes really see, and then the kids start playing in the surf. You guys sounded really nice. Yeah. No piano. I mean, it's great. It's beautiful. Leslie Duncan, beautiful as you, Pat. Thank you very much. You are lovely. We'll just post that with no explanation at all. There you go. And pronoun or something. Or once again, Pat and Christie have switched shirts and Pat is wearing a. For the day, rather feminine. No, not for the day. I bet you're comfortable, Christy. Just. Yeah, I am comfortable. I am not. Yeah, there's a lot of elastic in that shirt. Now, we promised a new one word, a new fun fact. And I just thought this was so, so interesting. Christy, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. That familiar wavy blob of toothpaste on your toothbrush. Anybody know what it's called? You know what that's called? A flirn. A flirn. That'd be a good word, but that's not it. No, it's called a nurdle. A nurdle. I was very close. As a dental term, nurdle has no confirmed origin. It may be playful variation of nodule, meaning a small lid lump. The earliest known uses linking the word to toothpaste, though, appeared in a 1968 ad with the line, a nurdle a day keeps the dragon away. I'm surprised you didn't know about that, Tom. 1990s. I've never heard this word. How about the mascot, Nurdle the turtle? Oh, it was Yle. What is it? It was yurtle. The truth. Yeah, I mean, admittedly, nurdle sounds like a. Like a. You know. You just got a text, it said. Well, what was it from? Andy. What did Andy say? Pat, come home and see me immediately. Yes, I just saw the text a little bit. Go ahead and say, can you. He said. He said, isn't that the second lunch blouse that you wore when we went out on our date? On the second date? Oh, this is your second date shirt. Well, thank God it's not your third date shirt, am I right? Right. Be ripped off. Otherwise, that's. How is this toaster strudelizing? Oh, I'm sorry. So the American Dental association in the 1990s officially adopted the term nurdle to describe the proper portion of toothpaste. Who knew? But Public awareness of the word surged during a legal dispute between Colgate and Glaxko Smith Klein over the right to display the iconic tricolored nurdle image in advertising. Oh, yeah, we're all familiar with that. No, we're not. What? Yeah, that famous ad with the multicolored. You see it in almost every toothpaste picture. The case ended sentiment. Colgate made a mint off that lawsuit. What are you, a chick? What are you doing laughing? Hey, Josh Cole made a mint. Yeah, I saw that. I. I saw that. Three colored nurdle. You ain't fooling me. You're making a political statement. Yeah. Who's this guy? I don't know. Me. And appears earlier in the show. Remember the whole. There was that whole thing about. What was the joke about? Was it. Was it striped? Wasn't there some toothpaste that had stripes in it? Is. Is that still out there? Was it like gleam or something? No, it was. Yeah. Yeah. Is that still out there? There it is. That's crazy. There you go. Isn't it? Oh, that looks like. That's the. That looks like a French flag that aim red, white and blue. You know how long this type of toothpaste is more expensive because you know how long it takes them to get the end of the tube possible. Wow. Yeah. Wow, Tom. That's the red, white and blue. And that's. That was the origin of nurdle. Huh? Well, okay, apparently, I mean, now AI says nurdle is a small plastic pellet used as raw material in the plastics industry. So that's interesting. What does AI know? I know everything. Now. What do you. What do you refer to it, Josh, when you put that on your tooth? But you. Is that like a low load? Yes, yes. I say I'm gonna squirt a load onto my toothbrush and I'm gonna jam it into my mouth, do some laundry and of course I'll dump a load in there. Sure. I'm gagging on this load. Uhhuh. Boy, oh boy, oh boy. How much I. Give me that blouse. I need to wear it because constantly putting loads in my. Want to hear a seven second song? Yes. All right, here it goes. Woman in a man shirt. Very sexy. But a man in a woman's shirt is something you hide from your wife. We're coming right back with more of the Best of the Bob and Tom show on this Friday. Greg Hahn and Henry Phillips are coming up in just a couple of minutes, but next, comedian Dustin Nickerson. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back. This is the Bob and Tom show on this Fourth of July. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. Here's a segment with comedian Dustin Nickerson. Our guest is comedian Dustin Nickerson. Our goal is never to let him talk. Yeah. Speaking of bad acting, let's bring in Dustin Nickerson. Oh, sorry. No, no, I'm happy to do it. Are you a bad, bad actor? Oh, I'm terrible. Yeah. Yeah. You live in California. I do, yeah. You're married. I'm trying to remember this. I'm married. I've been married for 20 years. I have three children. Yeah, we got married. Such a young face. Oh, that's pretty nice. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't. 20 years. That's good. No, that's good. I. Most of the time, the Internet just tells me my face looks like Gary Ridgeway, the Green River Killer. So that's nice. That's a bed. Way to go through customs. Yeah. Thankfully, a lot of people my age don't know who that is, so it's really important to me that he doesn't get a good documentary. Oh, gosh. And. But if he does get it, then I could be the bad actor in it. But there's a great graphic novel about him. But I'm probably one of 12 people who've read that. Yeah. Somebody like, graphic novel. Like, somebody illustrated it. Yeah. It's dark, man. Which, which mass murderer is this Green River? His name is Gary Ridgeway. Yeah. Yeah. He coincidentally was like, like 10 minutes from where I grew up in the Northwest. Wow. Yeah. And we got a lot of strong family connections. What would you do if you're going somewhere and some guy would go, gary. I'd be like, I know. I'm surprised. I'm out, too. Can you believe that? I killed so many people. Okay, I, I, Someone just showed me a picture. Picture the resemblance. It's pretty strong. Oh, yeah. Wait till I take the hat off with the messy hair. I mean, down to the hairline. It is a lot older. Do you have this. Do you have the same voice? I don't know him, and I don't talk as much as we used to. Are you the one that got away here? Imagine that you're hearing me through a phone in a glass window. Is that what his voice sounds like? I see now you, you're. What did you say? Three kids. Three kids, yeah. And we had our kids young, too. So I have a kid who's a senior in high school. He's getting recruited to be a college athlete. Wow. And he's like a D1 college athlete. What Sport. He's a track star. Which is funny. Every time I tell people that, there's that very similar response where people look at me and they go, really? Well, that's great. But I don't even tell them what sport, but they just look at me and go, huh, yours? Like, for sure, your child. It's. But yeah, he's. He's a track star. He's a. The mile and the 800. Yeah. Oh, okay. It makes a little more sense. Yeah. I mean, running is the sport of last resort. It's the sport that every other sport has. Running plus something else, you know. But yeah, thankfully he stopped doing, like, the long. He used to do the two mile. I don't know if you guys have ever been to a track event. I know how you guys hang around high schools. But the two mile is eight laps and they have to tell them what lap they're on. Like, they have to give them the. Which it is a boring event and they're not going that fast. So you watch it like the wave. Like just your kid comes around every minute or so. Like, whoa, honey, he's kind of looking at your phone for a little while. Well, I don't know if you know this or not. I know you don't know this. Dustin, you happen to be in the presence of one of the greatest cross country harrier. Harrier. Harriers. I was a hairless harrier in the high school competition. You're a cross country guy. Yeah. But you're precisely correct, though, when you say that it was the sport of last resort. Yeah. I realized that my abilities in soccer were such that I was not going to be playing much. Yeah. So cross country it is. We've noticed that. I mean, the reward for being a great runner, like, when you line up for a race, the reward for being the best runner is that you get to stop running first. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Congratulations. You get to be done. They still have to. So is he getting a scholarship? He's. He's right on that fringe right now where he's like, a D1 is like, sure, we'll take you. And a D2 would love to have. Have him, you know, which is. He's like, I don't know, a looks wise, I guess. You'd. You'd call that like a six? Okay. You know what I mean? Like, you know, you're like, ah. Like, it'd be like charity for the D1 school to be like, sure, they're playing a little hard to get, you know, but. And I forgot which mass murder does he resemble? Oh. Oh, none yet. He hasn't fully finished. He's not a fully. Like a Menendez brother or something? O.J. actually, which is surprising. Makes sense of the athleticism. Did not see that. Really? Yeah. No. What? That's fine. I fully approve. Whatever you're into is okay with me. Now we have. We're speaking with a comedian, Dustin Nickerson, father of three boys, girls. What's happening? Boy, girl, Girl. Yeah, I have a teenage girl. Two of them there. I like. We get people raised teenage girls here. Yeah, I don't know. I did. I. You had him young. My dad has a kid that's also a senior. Senior in high school. Oh, congratulations. I've also got a fifth grader. Yeah, no. Yeah. He's had a kid under 14 since 1990. This is amazing that you're telling me all these details, too. I mean, of course, you would know them more than me. All right, I'm gonna get out. I'm getting out of this bit because it just sounds like a little. Like, dad. Yeah. So I'm. People give you these warnings about teenage girls. Is she. She's 15. Yeah. And they're like, buckle up. That's the energy. Like, get ready, man. You're going into hell. And, like, I'm here to tell you, it's worse than they say. I can't believe her ability. This is what I wasn't ready for. She can ruin any nice situation. Like, things can be going well in the house. And then she enters, and now they're bad. I think of her as. She's, like, mean Roomba in the house. Just comes and makes a mess of thing. Like, things were going well, but did you have this, like, when we had young kids, it was the. You don't fight with the young kid. You fight with the spouse through the young kid. That's fun. With the baby, you're like, it's not your fault. Mom's in a bad mood today. But now I'm watching the kid fight the spouse. And, like, that's crazy to watch your kid be that mean to your wife. Oh, yeah. Like this. My wife's my high school sweetheart, you know, over 20 years. And the way she'll talk to my wife, I'll, like, gasp with my mouth open. Like, I've always wanted to talk to her like that, you know, like, no, no, you're in trouble. But finish that thought. She needs to hear it. Yeah, yeah. You're, like, giving notes for next time. Next time. Reminder of this. Our guest is comedian Dustin Nickerson. Willie G is here. Patty G's over there. We've once again put Pat in the old Covid room. I'm in the crate. Yeah, we used to call it. We used to call it. We used to call it the Nuremberg Room. No, we never did. We never liked it when you did. Then we received a correction that at that trial. They worked behind the glass. But we have. Everybody else is here also. That would include a little Jack Josh over there. Hi, I'm little Josh. No, no, no size for me. Medium. Chick was big. Big chick. What do you got these getting skinnier. Chick. Willie. Willie likes to call me a big dog. I like that. Big dog. Yeah, throw a big dog in there every single time. Big dog. That's right. Big dog. What was your nickname in high school? Deluxe. Chuck Deluxe. Deluxe. Chuck Deluxe. That's a great name. That is. Is there a restaurant somewhere called Chuck's Deluxe? I don't. There has to. I don't think so. There's a sporting goods store I think called Chuck's somewhere. Would you like to. If I could get. Oh, no. Chicks, actually. It's called Chicks. Yeah. Sporting goods. Yes. Would you like a Chuck's Deluxe cap if I could get one? No, because you're going to be tied up with Pat Godwin Hotel pool house for the foreseeable. All the posters. Okay, fine. Okay, good. Let's. Let's go to Christy Lee for a second and see what's going on over there. An only fans model is facing criminal mischief charges after going on police are calling a urine spree at a New Hampshire hotel. My goodness. Ms. Kelly Tedford allegedly urinated into a hotel room's air conditioning unit in a Marriott hotel in Keen, New Hampshire. Now just pause for one second. If she's standing over an air conditioning unit urinating in it, couldn't you conceivably get electrocuted? I don't know. I don't know. Not with the consistency of myself. Stream. It's now one solid stream. It might arc between the. No, seriously, couldn't you get electrocuted? I don't know. Isn't that the way they. The. I don't know if it's an urban legend, but someone who was inebriated, was drunk, was peeing outside and he hit a. Hit a power line. Yeah, he had to hit a. A rail and electrocuted him. I mean, is there one of those GFI circuits on the AC in any event, I'm sorry. So she's peeing into the air condition and then apparently deliberately released Relieved herself on a comforter, curtains, and a Bible. Oh, geez. She's not done. Wow. Ms. Tedford. Who uses the handle Kinky Kelly on only fans? Yeah, she does. That's with the K, by the way. Was crazy taken? You'd have to be crazy. 9.98. Probably real. This is horrific. What was that handle again? Kinky Kelly. It's K E L I. Yes. K I, N, K I. Okay. She's accused of defecating on the floor, placing the waste into a toilet tank known as the upper decker. Yep. That's not how you do the upper decker. By getting up on the toilet and you do it. Ms. Tedford was recently arrested for spraying her urine. These days they don't work the way you used to back in our day. So the thing, she's videotaping all this and posting it. Right. And there's a market for this. Yeah. They. We're coming right back, so stand by and hang on to something. Greg Hahn is coming up next here on the Bob and Tom Show. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Happy Independence Day. And this is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. The gang is back in here live on Monday morning. Here it is, a segment with comedian Greg Hahn. Tom, we have a special gift guest. We certainly do. He is comedian Greg Han. Greg, how are you, sir? Just great. I'm all excited. Holy smokes, I feel great. Hi to all the working people out there. Right? All right. Oh, yeah. I used to work. I invented the one man layoff. That's right. My power tie used to squirt. Come on, everybody. The working people, Right, Godwin? Yeah, absolutely. We should have been truckers right down the road talking to each other in the CB truck. Pull in the truck stop. Shower 8. Get a fresh hot shower. Shower 8. Little Rescue Pitbull trying to get those urinal cakes there by nine. Come on. Right, Trucker, what are you carrying today? Urinal cakes, evidently. What I heard. I got to get in there by nine. By nine. Okay. Good man. I got some 901. You're too late. That's right. That's right. I got some sleep, man. I. I took my periwinkle root. Knocks you right out. You got to wear a diaper. I'm excited. Just had my DWI reduced to a dwc. Driving while constipated. Come on, everybody, do a joke. Thank you very much. We have Christie Lee at the news desk. We've got a lot to get to here. What's going on? A new survey has been pointed. When folks start to Panic about their smartphone battery dying. Anybody want to take a guess on the percentage? 35%. Yeah, right around there. 33. When does the light go on? I haven't gone. 20. Doesn't the thing at 20%, it turns to red. Yeah, I don't know if anything lights up at 19%. Chick, you're very close. 38% is the dip before panic sets in and people seek out a way to get it charged. 35% of respondents feel content waiting until the juice runs to below 20% before thinking about finding a way to charge their phone. Less than 15% said they do not worry about their phone's battery until it dips below 10 10. Charging anxiety stronger among younger generations with worries setting in for gen zers and millennials. At 45, battery life and I don't even look at my phone. I don't even have any idea. You ever run it out? No. Have you? Oh, yeah. Really, sir? I've run it out. I believe that you get, this is why I don't want to get an electric car. Yeah, I'm gonna be that. I'm that guy. He couldn't make it to Chicago. Forgot to. Oh, I forgot to charge. Yeah, I. At this point, though, there are places to charge it virtually everywhere. I mean, even at the airport now, you can go direct as long as you have a. If you have a cable or something. That's one of my favorite stories about you. Didn't you get into a fight with a fellow traveler at some airport about. I did. Hogging an outlet. Go ahead, tell us the story. I had a. What's that? What do you call it? I had a plug. It was like a little bigger than a golf ball, but it had two inputs on it, right? Two USB inputs. And there was this lady sitting there and she had a thing plugged in with it. I said, k, can I. I got a splitter here. Can I put this in here? No, I don't blame her. Snooze, you lose. And then I said, what airline do you want? Oh, yeah, they're famous for crap. Crashing, ma'. Am. Oh, my gosh. Did you actually say that? No. I should have. She's just said no. And you were polite and backed off. Yeah. And there was no. There was nowhere else. And how did she say no again now? Terrible. Gotta. Gotta use that phone. I'm sure, to charge it up so you can call Fest 2025. Oh, hey, if you've never been to hear the keynote speaker. The last airport I was. And the seats that you sit in to Wait. Had chargers. Yeah. Yeah. This was great. This was one of those places. I think it. I forget where. Where they had like a. A bar kind of thing with four seats. They were late to the party. Yeah, but now they're everywhere. And remember when you used to have to buy WI FI at the airport? Oh, yeah, yeah. That's scam. You had to buy it for a year and then what is it? Bogo or Go Go. Whoever owned that. I hope they were publicly held, hanged. WI fi should be. Seems a little. No, WI fi should. All right. Hey, why are they hanging those guys, man? Something about WI fi at the airport making people look. I need it for the next 40 minutes. Well, you have to buy it for a year. Thanks very much. You're paying taxes for those airports, they can afford to put WI FI in. Okay. Oh, Lord. Are you looking for a new flavor of toothpaste? I'm looking for anything, Christy. Anything you got. I'm looking. Okay. You let me me know. Well, Kentucky Fried Chicken is launching a fried chicken flavored toothpaste. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I love. You know. And I had you. Having said that, Kentucky Fried Chicken is on my radar for lunch. Oh, that sounds great, first of all, but I don't like it. My toothpaste. I want to. I'd like. I love Kentucky Fried Chicken. You like extra crispy or regular? Regular. Gotta go regular. Don't care for extra crispy either. Regular. I. I want to get a hold of some of this and try it. Sounds great. It's got to be horrible. No, it doesn't sound. Chicken flavored toothpaste. No, it sounds. Would you rather have. Would you rather have. Are you insane? Can you imagine your breath after you brush your teeth with this? Hey, chicken for lunchy chicken kind of minty chicken. Are we gonna have gravy? Mouthwash. Come on. Hold it. I didn't know that was on the table. I like their gravy. Yeah, I certainly don't want. I don't want Colgate flavored chicken, I'll tell you that. I don't know what it is, the gravy and the mashed potato, but. But it's amazing. It's good. Yeah. How do they do that? And the coleslaw. Don't get me started about the coleslaw. Now my ode to a coleslaw. Old slaw. Oh, I love you. The fast food chain has teamed up with oral care brand His Smile to turn its signature 11 herbs and spices into a fluoride free toothpaste KFC said in a press release. Quote, like biting into a hot, juicy piece of KFC Original Recipe chip. No, no, no, it's not. Toothpaste is irresistible. Adjustable. Coating your teeth in flavor while leaving your mouth feeling fresh and clean. How? Oh, it's molar. Looking good. Wow. I really want to try this. Lick anybody's molars, Tom. You get in there in a big French kiss. You're so in love. Yes. You're so in love, you're suck on their tongue. You've done this. No, Greg. I'm sorry. These pervs are great. The toothpaste is available for 13 on his smiles website. For a limited time, a matching electric toothbrush is being sold for 59. Whoa, whoa, whoa. There it is. There's a picture of it. It's got the kernel right on it. I take it all back. I'm not using the toothpaste, but by God, I'm using that toothbrush. That thing rocks. That looks very cool. Look at that. The kernels on there and everything. Imagine a new girl coming in your bathroom. What the hell? They're just ripping off my toothpaste. I came out with Gamish cornhead. Is that right? I think it will. You try it if we get it? I will. Yeah, sure, I'll try it. I'll try it. You're not supposed to. You're not supposed to swallow toothpaste, though, right? No, no. But it's just the flavor in your mouth. Wait a minute. I don't understand how it can taste like chicken and leave a fresh, clean taste in your mouth. I don't know. But you and I agree, you're gonna have to order that. I. I despise mint. I. Yeah, I love it. My son hates it, too. I don't. I don't like mint gum. Love it. The great taste of pine in whatever you're eating. No, thanks. Mint ice cream. Chocolate chip. Mint chocolate chip. Greg, you're right. It's incredible. That was my favorite ice cream for years. Last time Greg's going to be on the show. I had no idea you like mint chocolate chip. Give me the forms. Oh, I know. How can we take chalk and ruin it? Put mint in it. Yeah. You know what this needs? Mint. Okay. Sorry. What do you guys do at Olive Garden? You don't even eat the mints. Come on. No, those Andes Met. No, you guys are wrong. If they put caramel in there where the green thing is, then you'd have something. Why don't they do that? Andy's? I bet they do now. Hang on. Don't bother me. I'm ordering Andy's Caramel Mints. Don't bother me. I have bad news. Jess says they're already sold out of the toothpaste. What? Yeah, we just found out about it. Well, you know what? So now I gotta go to the black market. Andy's Toffee Crunch Candies. Andy's Caramel. Go on. Tell Hooker to go on ebay and see if we can get it. But it's got to be sealed. I don't want to get some guys, you know, taking a syringe and jizzed it up. What? What he said was he doesn't want any Kentucky Fried Chicken toothpaste jizzed up. Does everybody understand this? That's a tissue. When you say it, it makes sense. Thank you. I thought. Go ahead, Tom. It's a jazz term. All right. Comedian Greg Hahn has joined us in the studio. Greg, A handsome, handsome man. A single man. Oh, yeah, right. Well, I got my girlfriend, Francine Fartweller. Oh, yeah? Yeah. She's got a lot of talent. She can guess your height within a foot. How about that chick? That's pretty good. Damn fine work. Yeah. Can I get a little drink over here? Little smart cocktail, you know what I mean? Can I get a little Fireball on the rocks with ice? Thank you. Gotta let the ladies know you know how to order a drink. You know what you're talking about when it comes to alcohol. Got to get a little Tito and vodka. Thank you. Yep. Titos and vodka. I'm just excited. I just. How about a latte with some milk? How about that? Sounds good. Okay. That's in the theme. A Chateau Brion for two with a steak. I just ordered my mail order bridesmaid. They're more fun. Thank you, Greg. H is our guest. Ladies and gentlemen, not to be missed, live at In Person. It's great to see you, Bridesmaid. Thank you. How's the condo? Oh, the condo's nice. You have a fashionable condo in the greater Miami area. I tried to get my property tax lowered by telling him my place is haunted. Didn't work. Anyway. Yeah. Are you the penthouse, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's fun. What floor are you on? The top. You gotta hit pH. You don't know how many floors you're on. It's only 10. Are you sure? Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty good. You can look at the water. Oh, yeah. Look at the water. Yeah, it's great. It's beautiful. He told me there aren't any mosquitoes at that height. That's what he keep keeps telling me. I don't believe him, but that's what he said. Are there birds at that? Go ahead. Just gigantic water birds or something, you know, but, you know, it's fun. What do you mean? Like a water bird? Like a Gulf. What do you got there? Go right past my bird feeder. Are you ever home? Doesn't sound like you're home ever, huh? Are you home? Yeah, I'm home. All right, not too much. Tell them how there are no mosquitoes at 100ft. There's no mosquitoes up there, Chick. See? But there are yachts. There's yachts that go. Go by. Oh, yeah. You know how it is. I wave at them. I wave at them. Yeah. They don't wave back. I give them the finger. That's right. Day long. That's what they get. So wait a second. Stuck up. You're in the 10th floor and it's 100ft high. Those are low ceilings. Isn't it? 10ft a floor? No. Yes. Standard is 10ft of floor. Is there a 13th floor in your building? No elevator. And the 10th floor, Tom, if they were on the penthouse and there were 13 floors, that would make no sense. If he was on the 10th. The last hotel we were in there was the 13th floor. You notice that? Yeah, a lot of hotels have a 13th floor. Okay. Just scary. That's always the one that's haunted. I'm sorry. Let's go back to the SILAC Insurance news desk with Christy Lee. Hey. Publishers Clearinghouse, the marketing and sweepstakes company known for doling out large prize patrol checks has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Whoops. Yeah, publisher. Publishers Clearinghouse said it was using the bankruptcy process process to, quote, finalize a shift away from its legacy business of direct mail, retail merchandise and magazine subscriptions to transition to a pure digital advertising model. No, they're using bankruptcies. They don't have to pay their bills. Let's be honest here. Company set of plans to operate in a business as usual manner throughout the bankruptcy process, noting that the prize patrol team will continue, continue to deliver awards across the United States. They have the big commercials with big oversized checks and the big. All the balloons and the confetti. And there was the big white panel van. You don't know if it's Publishers Clearinghouse or somebody after your kid. Yeah, well, so much for them coming on board. And Tom, show sponsor, if it's not. I don't know if you heard they're broke. If it's not Ed McMahon, they're taking your kids, kid. Would you do that? If they came and asked you to replace Ed McMahon, would you go across the country and award people money? Because I would. Heck yeah. I don't see how they're going to keep doing it. That'd be a sweet gig, right? I'd be unhappy if they owed me money now. They're still going out there giving people cash, especially now that they're broke. Doesn't seem to be fair. Are you going to take a check or a rain check? Yeah, this might be good later on. I invested myself. I invest. I put all my money in artificial incontinence. That's a growth industry. Is that right? Okay. The. They're going out because no one's getting magazines anymore, I assume. Well, I would assume you're correct. Yes. Not physical magazines. Right. But how many magazines do you have on your phone? I'm going to say 15. Oh, more than that. Yeah. The boy loves magazines. I don't know what his problem is. Magazines, newspapers, books, it's all. Not phone. It's amazing. But you pay for. For them. Yeah, yeah. The. The so called pay wall. How many do you have on your phone? Oh, gosh, I don't know. Probably about same. Well, 15, 20 maybe. Yeah. Do you have any Christie? I have two play girl. No, Playgirl and Horn Dog at the Wall Street Journal. You, Tools and Cougar Monthly. Yes, that's it. Cougar Monthly. Buff Boys without shirts. Finally, Finally Legal Man. Ace Player Weekly. By the way, if you've never seen the movie Sideways, watch for the scene where he goes. He goes to order the magazine. It's as funny as it comes. Place in Florida. Yep. Arrested a man accused of stealing a Rolls Royce that was running and unlocked from a Miami neighborhood. According to authorities, the four hundred thousand dollar black badge Rolls Roll Royce was stolen from the luxury Parisio Bayviews condominiums in Edgewater. The owner. The owner. That sounds. That name sounds like an extra on Miami Vice. What was it? Parisio Bayviews Condominiums. Yeah. He's. He's dealing. Yeah. The owner, Jonathan Sanchez, said he asked the valet to watch his car while he went to retrieve his wallet. Leaving the car running and unlocked, but taking the key with him. Mr. Sanchez told WTV, James J. TV's our middle name. Minutes later, the valet called to tell him someone had stolen his car. Nice work, valet. Thanks for. I have a dumb. I have a really stupid question. That's the only kind. Why would you leave your car running this time of year in Florida? Tom how many times have you left your car running in your lifetime? Going to an event? Constantly. Well, then why are you. Don't criticize these people. No matter what the temperature, when you turn it off and watch go get you. You don't turn it off at any time. Regardless of the weather. It can still be in the 80s in Florida. Can still be hot this time of year. What's it like there right now? It's nice, but nobody's gonna. Nobody feels sorry for someone who got a rolls Royce stole. Mr. Sanchez? Yeah. Mr. Sanchez and a friend tracked the car to Little Haiti. Police responded to the scene, apprehended a 36 year old suspect, a Mr. James Brown. All right, the. The council of little ladies coming to order. What's our. Let me guess. The first item of business has changed the name of this place, is that right? Okay. All right, let's see if we can work on that. All right. Generally, what would you like to go with? Let's go. How about Springfield? How about all sympathy evaporate the min the minute you hear Rolls Royce and Valet Park. Mr. Brown was charged with grand theft of a vehicle, resisting an officer without violence and petty theft. According to authorities, the suspect had, quote, walked up to the vehicle and said, this is my car. Hopped in and drove off. Mr. Sanchez, valet. Yeah. By the way, Mr. Sanchez crashed the vehicle several times causing significant damage. Yeah, one can only imagine the fender of a Rolls Royce. That'll be $30,000. Well, congratulations, sir. Our guest in the studio is that guy over there. He is the great comedian, Greg Hahn, one of my favorite favorites. Thanks so much. Greg is on the road doing all kinds of great. Bringing joy to the people. That's what you do, my friend. Fun. Yeah, and your teeth look good too. Thanks very much. You know, everybody, I'm hampered by low iq. Did you know that? No, I didn't. I'm hampered by low. I. The class they put me in. We. We played pin the tail on Melvin. Come on, go through the new material. Work with me. Maybe halfway some of the stuff. Christy, what's in the news? I don't know if I cared for that one. Christy. We're coming back with the last segment this morning. One of the funniest comedians, Henry Phillips is up next here on the Bob and Tom show. Bob and Tom, hope you have a great fourth of July weekend. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. And this is the best of the Bob and Tom show. Again, the gang is back in here on Monday morning. Morning. Let's wrap things up today With a segment from Funny Guy, musician, comedian, Henry Phillips. Hello Chick McGee. We have a very special guest, Chick McGee. A man who has been on the airwaves since the 1970s. That's right. And yet has never worn pants while doing broadcast. Always my junk in my head. That's right. Of course. Now for some reason Henry Phillips mentioned being a sperm donor. Yeah, we have a lot of news about sperm now. And yeah, I. I found this. Did you find those? This billionaire guy. Now Pavel Durov is a Russian boy born billionaire and he apparently wants to have a lot of kids. I am Pavel. The 40 year old billionaire, founder and CEO of the messaging app Telegram revealed last year that while he isn't married, prefers to live alone. He has over 100 biological children in 12 countries. I want to father the world. And he says Genghis Khan, he's leaving all of his money to these kids too, so. Oh, he is? That's what he says. Well, he's not dead yet. Not dead yet. But wait a one of them hears about it, right? I am papa oligarch. You love me. And it's such a weird thing that he wants to do. And he's not done. He still has sperm that's frozen. But wasn't there a problem in England where someone some. It was in the Netherlands doctor did this and. And two of the kids were about to get married. They didn't. England. Yeah, they didn't. They didn't realize that they were technically half brother. So you're saying hot things can't happen? I mean weird things. And isn't that is do every state in the country you have to get a blood test before you get married or is there. Not anymore. Not anymore. So is that maybe that'll come back? Because that might be a problem with sperm donor. I mean are they. Do the. Are the children informed that they were this fathered by this guy? Would you. Yeah, apparently he is not keeping it anonymous. I mean I, I would you do away with yourself immediately or wait a couple days if you found out you and I were related? Do away. Do away. You know, like you'd be my half brother. Half brother. I mean there's no way you'd be something close. Yeah, no. There's no way I could be a full blown Criswell. God. No. Well, there are rooms, rumors that you do have a half brother out there. Billy Corrigan. There are people, many people are saying. Is that right? Smashing Pumpkins guy. Mayonnaise. Oh, we didn't. We talked about the bull semen story. Katie has Written us. She has a family farm and they raise cattle. She said that semen is usually stored in small straws. Not very much at all. Gets one cow artificially bred like pixies do. Yeah. It's frozen in liquid nitrogen, thawed before use. And they use a special quote unquote gun that helps in the breeding. Calves are absolutely. This is an Adam Sandler movie waiting to happen here. Calves are absolutely DNA tested for parentage often, especially if they're purebred or registered. Is this good for a movie? Put the cow in stirrups and inseminate them that way. That is good. So Katie says these thieves definitely would have to have a pretty specific market to sell that. Okay, well, interesting. So you're buying black market bull Semen. Bull semen. Don't you think if you were. Which was the name of my band when I was in. They're very good. If you were conceived in a test tube from frozen sperm, you. It would seem like you'd never get warm, Right? Yeah. Always kind of chilly. Always kind of. Yeah, kind of cold. We got a couple different stories about doctor. Doctors. Oh, yeah. Who are alleged to have. Oh, that one guy right down the street. Yeah. They've alleged that they were using their own semen. Yes. To inseminate their. Their patients. Yeah. This one guy. And what is this? In Holland? Oh, yeah, yeah. And there was a guy, I think, in Illinois that got caught doing this. And in Indiana. And there was. Yeah. The one guy, interestingly enough, our main. Remember, this was on 60 Minutes. These. A group of women in this town were talking, and they were all saying it was very odd that when they would go in for their exam, he would not have a nurse in the room, and he would have all these sheets set up, and he would often say, this is going to feel a lot like intercourse. And it was. I assure you it's not. But it was. Yeah. So. Yeah, this is. Why does it sound like intercourse? Now, I know what you're thinking. Thinking this is not. Not integral. Yeah. Now. Or nearly. I don't. I don't. I don't smoke. I don't smoke after my exams, but if you'll forgive me, he would have to just. Oh, Daddy likes that. Women aren't that stupid, right? No, this was a legit. I know, but if he's doing that. No, Christy, I think it's. He had to have just gone in, and they're not that stupid at all. This guy was so manipulative and charming and like. And I'm sure there was some Smoke and mirrors. They said he had sheets set up. Yeah, but I'm saying if it's. When you get a pelvic exam, it doesn't go in and out is what I'm saying. Well, maybe the good ones do. You don't know. There's also a chance these were. I don't know enough details, but first time gynecological visits. Or they'd all been seeing the same guy for a long time. Then there's the. Then there's the one where the guy was claiming that he was using the seed of the husbands or boyfriends. Oh, yeah. And he was in fact using his own and still charging. We switched your husband's sperm, so there has to be some kind of ego thing. She never wants a second load at home. This. This Russian billionaire wants to have 500 kids out there. That's. It is a special kind of ego. Yeah, I think it's madness. Special kind of lunacy. Yeah, I think. Yeah, that's crazy. But he should have to live with them. That's what I said. I mean, that should be the rule. Yeah. Yeah. I've lived with a handful. This was a terrible idea. 500 might be a little bit. A little bit. A little bit rough. And now, Pat, you've prepared a special song, is that correct? Yeah, you can go ahead and start the band up. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Oh, I see them all in there. I'm tuning their interest. Yeah, but it couldn't fit in here. We had to mic them up. Tom's in charge of this audio. Huh. Okay, here we go. Ready? Here, here it starts. One told the sperm doctor, I want to have a kid. Saw the sperm doctor remove a test tube lid. Sperm doctor turned around and this is what he did. Oh, he went, you owe me five grand with the Rudy Valley ending. So he charged him. He charged him for his semen. Of course he did. He got a little shum shaman and got. Got money for it. Wow. Oh, well, there. That. That's our semen hunk. Hey, you wanted a kid? Oh, yeah. Monsters, right? Yeah. The Russian guy. This, this story just came out last week. Sure did. I remember reading about it. Yes. He says he's really worried about the declining population. And I'm like, where is he living? Oh, God, come on. When I was born, I think there were 4 billion people on the planet and there's 8 billion now. Yeah. So what is he talking about? That. That's my point. Yeah. Well, he's trying to justify this. Yeah. And he says in countries where the populations Are declining is where he wants to donate the most, if you will. He's thinking of others. I am a giver. Yes. Yeah. I bring to mountain. I wonder if. I wonder if Naperville, Illinois, needs some population. I wonder if Elon Musk is going to get on board. This guy's also a billionaire. Yeah. He's got. Does he have. He's got more than 10, right? He does. Musk does. Yeah. I think he does quite a few. Remember reading about one of them is named, like, PR 1784X. Yeah. Something crazy. I couldn't believe. It's the same as my password for this computer. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, that's. What are the odds? Amazing. Henry said something during the break that kind of surprised me that you're playing golf. Yeah, yeah, I'm a golfer. That is surprising. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and it's too bad because my dad was so into it. He loved it. He always tried to get me into it, but I was always into music. I just couldn't have been less interested. But now, a couple years ago, started getting into it. So now I literally. I officially. I play golf. I play in a garage band with a couple of buddies, and we do, you know, 70s classic rock cover songs, and I play poker. So if you picture my life, I'm like a Flomax commercial. I'm literally. And, yeah, so I'm officially old now and everything hurts. And the first time I ever went out to golf, I injured my back. But it was kind of cool because that way, when I had my terrible swing, people laughed at me. I'd be like, well, I'm working through an injury. They don't have to know I just got the injury right there. But, yeah, no, it's. It. I'm. I. I love it. I suck. I'm completely terrible. But I love the hangout. You know, you have been hanging out with people that I didn't always hang out with. You know, friends from high school and, you know, getting some sun and. And working on something. All right. I've already mastered everything else in my life. You know, it's like, what else is there? I gotta try this. Yeah. Maybe a golf song is in the out. I can already cook. Like, you know, the Masters golf. Yeah, that'd be good. It's tricky, though, when you golf, because you always. You. Oh. If you're a comedian, you always want to make jokes, but you just feel like people that have been golfing their whole life have probably heard every joke that there is. You know, I stepped on a rig. Yes. Stepped on a rake. What is that one? Do you want to say it? Because I still don't know what you can say on the radio. The best two balls I heard all day. Yeah, but I mean it. It's really hard as a comedian to. To not make these jokes when people say, you know, they set them up so perfectly. Ah, my ball just went. The sand pit or whatever. I don't know. Yeah, sure, sure. How do you not say something? You know, but you. You just gotta hold your tongue. I have two updates here. Yes. First of all, we had the letter from Rem Ramon, who's he said his mother was half Mexican, half Italian. Yeah. Yeah. Her refried spaghetti was delicious. Yeah. No, but her walking spaghetti was delightful. But we both had. I see. Very difficult, very difficult to maneuver with walking spaghetti. California Cooler. I'd forgotten about these things. It was one of the pioneering wine coolers. Sure. A quote refreshing blend of white wine, fruit juice, carbonation and sugar. It was launched in 76 by two high school friends. It took off. I remember it was huge. In 1984, it was everywhere. Mid-80s brought a lot of competition, including Bartles and James and Seagram's. In 1991, things changed. California Cooler had been acquired for $146 million back in 85 and the brand was. Was dropped. Why'd they buy it and then drop it? Maybe it was a competitor. Yeah, I didn't want the competition. They bought an 85 drop 10 years later. Oh. Oh, well, it wasn't dropped. Nobody bought it. Totally different story. It was really bad. Yeah, sorry, I'm just. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Jim Rome takes on Sports Walk. Why? Because you're not playing me with rapid fire takes and a lot to get to and I'm not sure you're going to like all of it. Honestly, I don't even care if you like all of it or not. I have a job to do. Scorching debates. On any given week, you have lots to beef about, take advantage of. But get up in here. He's the spitfire of sports smack. She's not my fault. We will get to all of that. The Jim Rome show podcast. Get up in here and we'll beef later on. What's your beef? Follow and listen on your favorite platform. You've been warned.