The BOB & TOM Show - July 6, 2026

Summary

The BOB & TOM Show - July 6, 2026: Episode Summary

Episode Overview

This episode of The BOB & TOM Show maintains the signature blend of sharp, irreverent comedy alongside topical discussions from across the worlds of news, sports, relationships, and pop culture. The crew keeps the morning rolling with a host of recurring and guest comedians, musical interludes, and lively audience participation, serving up their signature mix of banter, parody, and self-deprecating humor. Several notable stand-up comedians join the show in-studio and via call, contributing personal anecdotes, observational comedy, and improvised riffs.

Spread throughout are recurring segments such as "Sexy Time" with Ally Breen, listener letters, world record news, and the group’s inimitable take on current events.

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Key Segments & Insights

1. Opening Skits & Donnie Baker’s Fireworks PSA

[00:46–04:37]

• Donnie Baker appears (in-character, played by Ron Sexton) before "Judge Bob Kevoian" for yet another probation violation—ostensibly his fourth in six months. He’s threatened with more community service.
• The judge offers Donnie a chance: record a fireworks safety PSA for the Fourth of July.
• Instead of safety tips, Donnie gives a bizarre, comically misguided set of “rules” involving dares, fireworks, and questionable advice:

  “Fireworks are a time-honored Fourth of July tradition, but they can be dangerous. So children never handle fireworks unless supervised by an adult...or dared by a cooler kid. ...About blew the stripes off my Zubaz.” —Donnie Baker ([02:21]) “Alcohol and fireworks do not mix. So do all your drinking beforehand. Remember, chug them before you light them.”

• The segment devolves into Donnie suggesting roadkill critters as “firework vices,” until Bob puts an end to it and (mercifully) counts Donnie’s community service as finished.

“Donald, think we've got all we need here.” —Bob Kevoian ([04:08])

2. Oldest Living Chicken World Record

[05:42–10:56]

• Chick McGee, Christy Lee, and others riff on world records, focusing on the world’s oldest living female chicken, "Gertie," a Seabright hen.
• Discussion explores why females in some animal species outlive males:

  “Higher testosterone is linked to a weaker immune response, and females may have a genetic advantage." —Bob Kevoian ([10:49])

• Pat Godwin delivers an improvised "Gertie" song about Gertie as a rock star hen, blending innuendo with chicken puns.

  "I'm the oldest living chicken on earth. ...I can still bonk, bonk, bonk." —Pat Godwin as Gertie ([08:09])

3. Comedian Sam Miller: Prison Gigs & CPAP Tales

[13:49–26:03]

• Guest comedian Sam Miller joins, with Tom and Bob teasing him about his size ("Discovery Channel big" at 6’6”, 360 lbs).
• Sam tells of performing comedy in prisons, noting the surprisingly positive vibe—except for one “life timer” audience member who revealed he was a serial killer.

  “He told me, ‘I was a serial killer.’ ...I looked at him and I was like, ‘Looks like you’re doing a lot better now.’” —Sam Miller ([23:06])

• Sam also opens up about recovery from meth addiction and how humor unites disparate people, including inmates and guards.
• The panel shares personal experiences with sleep apnea and CPAP machines, with Sam describing his own ("if I don’t use it, I wake up with a sore throat")—including the sleep study process:

  “I stopped breathing 24 times in 30 minutes. I started breathing 24 times, too!” —Sam Miller ([17:05])

4. Sex in the Shower: Fantasies & Disappointments

[33:35–44:40]

• The team debates which sexual fantasies are disappointments in reality, drawing on a Reddit thread. “Sex in the shower” is broadly panned:

  “Sex in the shower, rarely as cool as you think.” —Pat Godwin ([34:02]) “I like showering together and then sex somewhere else.” —Josh Arnold ([34:15])

• The talk segues to various kinks: shaving a partner's legs, being tied up, shibari (Japanese rope play), and more—with plenty of joking and anecdotal awkwardness.

  “I have two pairs of handcuffs that are wrist to ankle cuffs.” —Pat Godwin ([41:51])

• Shibari is described as “conversation without words,” with the group mostly expressing skepticism.

5. Roundtable: Public Bathrooms, Lawn Care, Pets & AI Dating

Urinal Anxiety, Public Bathing, and Movie Bathroom Breaks

[68:16–73:21]

• "Pee-xiety," or fear of peeing in public or missing out during crucial events, is discussed. The group swaps stories about holding it during movies, concerts, and car rides.

  “I can’t go to a theater without getting a great big icy. ...I’m gonna miss something.” —Chick McGee ([46:39])

Lawn Care and Mowing Techniques

[47:14–53:56]

• The cast compares mowing techniques—racing vs precision, electric vs gas, and “striping” the lawn.
• Lighthearted analysis follows on leaf blowers (“silent” not really silent), with tangents on jetpacks and YouTube animal stunts.

Pets and Domestication History

[150:22–153:52]

• Christy Lee presents scientific research dating dog domestication back 12,000 years in Alaska.
• Kelsey Cook jokes about merging two cats and a “dumb doodle” into her relationship.

AI Dating Apps: “The Wing Girl”

[153:54–156:31]

• New AI dating “wing girl” Ari is introduced, promising to help men with apps, messaging, and dating advice.

  “Early users report an average 300% increase in dates within the first month of using Ari.” —Christy Lee ([155:32])

• Kelsey Cook raises whether it’s off-putting to discover early messages from a partner were AI-generated.

6. Listener Letters: Drug Dealer Pets

[86:22–90:23]

• Hilarious letters recount exotic animals at drug dealers’ homes—albino skunks, bobcats, parrots trained to out their owners:

  “My father was a drug dealer. ...He had a parrot that would say, ‘Want to get high?’ ...If the parrot saw him prepping, it would start defecating all over. ...He got rid of it after it asked my grandma to get high.” ([87:09])

• Ed Septic calls in to share his take on plumbing, septic tanks, and “pulling a jackass out” (both literal and figurative).

7. Topical News Highlights & Parodies

• News items serve as launching pads for comedic riffs:
  • Japanese mayor voted out after coma; Bob jokes, “In the US, if we have a brain dead politician, we send him back to Washington.” ([55:13])
  • Brian Adams concert canceled by ‘Fatberg’ in sewer system; reverted to discussion of “Fatberg” as an accountant for Batman.
  • Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees debated (Fish, White Stripes, Cyndi Lauper, etc.).
  • Space advertising debated; consensus is “putting a Nike swoosh on the side of the rocket would fund NASA.”

8. Sex & Relationships: Ally Breen’s “Sexy Time”

[100:46–114:42]

• Listeners seek love and sex advice; topics covered:
  • Married woman with sexless husband considers hiring a male escort—panel is divided.
  • Considering a “fantasy” threesome after watching adult films with long-term partner—discussion on logistics and the pitfalls of living the dream.
  • Avoiding toxic exes; obsessing over breakups.
  • Engaged woman torn when her ex reaches out after 10 years—should she “test the waters?”
  • Complaints about spouses not sharing housework after a pandemic shift in working roles.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (in order of appearance)

• Donnie Baker on Fireworks PSA:
  “Alcohol and fireworks do not mix. So do all your drinking beforehand. Remember, chug them before you light them.” ([02:21])
• Bob Kevoian on female longevity:
  “Higher testosterone is linked to a weaker immune response, and females may have a genetic advantage.” ([10:49])
• Sam Miller meeting a serial killer:
  “He told me, ‘I was a serial killer.’ ...I looked at him and I was like, ‘Looks like you’re doing a lot better now.’” ([23:06])
• Josh Arnold on sex in the shower:
  “I like showering together and then sex somewhere else.” ([34:15])
• Pat Godwin on handcuffs:
  “I have two pairs of handcuffs that are wrist to ankle cuffs.” ([41:51])
• Bob Kevoian on American politicians:
  “In the United States, obviously, if we have a brain dead politician, we send him back to Washington.” ([55:13])
• Listener on a drug dealer’s parrot:
  “The parrot asked my grandma to get high and she was not as hip.” ([87:10])
• Ally Breen on partner’s intelligence:
  “My girlfriend is hot and fun, but kind of an idiot. ...When she loses the hotness and maybe the fun, what’s gonna be left?” ([114:42])
• Kelsey Cook's "Aura ring" sex story:
  “I wore it when Chad and I had sex, and then I got a notification that said: ‘Hey, did you just do some light walking?’” ([141:54])
• Ed Septic on Valentine's advice:
  “All her panties are edible if you want them to be. But you really gotta want it.” ([159:27])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Donnie Baker PSA: 00:46–04:37
• World’s Oldest Chicken: 05:42–10:56
• Sam Miller on prison shows & CPAP: 13:49–26:03
• Sex Fantasy Letdowns/Shower Sex: 33:35–44:40
• Listener Letters: Drug Dealer Pets: 86:22–90:23
• Sexy Time with Ally Breen: 100:46–114:42
• Lawn Care & Public Bathroom Anxiety: 47:14–53:56 & 68:16–73:21
• Kelsey Cook & the Aura Ring: 141:49–146:33

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Tone & Style

The episode is marked by the BOB & TOM Show's signature blend of fast, clever banter, affectionate roasting, and snarky asides. There’s a family-of-comics looseness, with regular interruptions, callback jokes, and running gags. The humor is unapologetically adult, with a balance of playful innuendo, social satire, and sappy puns.

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Conclusion

This holiday weekend episode packed in classic BOB & TOM humor—wry takes on the news; deeply Midwestern, all-American comedy; frank but relatable sex talk; and a parade of stand-up comics eager to both give and take the ribbing. For listeners, it’s both a highlight reel of current comedy voices and a comforting reminder that no topic is too silly, salacious, or strange for The BOB & TOM Show.

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For further details and more laughs, catch the full episode on The BOB & TOM Show Free Podcast wherever you like to listen.

Transcript

[Bob Kevoian]

Oregon parks make an Oregon summer.

[Tom Griswold]

But what makes an Oregon park?

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, Oregon Lottery gameplay helps. No matter the game Megabucks, video lottery or keno, funds from lottery games help support parks projects across the state, ensuring

[Christy Lee]

they stay safe, accessible, and open for all. In fact, Discover State Park Scratches are in stores now.

[Pat Godwin]

It's the perfect way to put a

[Bob Kevoian]

little bit of Oregon's parks in your pocket. The Oregon Lottery. Together, we do good things. Must be 18 or older to play. Lottery games are based on chance and should be played for entertainment only.

[Josh Arnold]

It's the Bob and Tom Show. Oh, no.

[Bob Kevoian]

I can't believe I'm seeing you again, Donald Baker.

[Donnie Baker]

Please don't call me Donald. I swear to God. Please don't do that, man.

[Bob Kevoian]

Donald, I'm speaking here. I'll call you what?

[Ally Breen]

I will.

[Bob Kevoian]

Right here on your paper. Donald Baker.

[Donnie Baker]

And it's Donnie Baker.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, Donnie, I'm seeing you for the fourth time in six months. This is absolutely unacceptable. Your probation specifically says that you are not to be getting in any trouble. And so it looks like we're gonna have to rack on some more community service hours.

[Donnie Baker]

Please don't make me go back to that nursing home, man. I swear to God, I got a weak stomach, man. Please don't make me go back there, man. I swear to God, I'll do anything else.

[Bob Kevoian]

All right, fine. It looks like we're gonna need some work on the road crew, man.

[Donnie Baker]

Don't put me in harm's way. A job? I swear to God, I need to get some more hours, and I got a boat I'm trying to sell, man. You put me in harm's way, I swear to God, I'll take you to court.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, Donald, I don't know what to

[Donnie Baker]

do, and I've got fireworks to get to. It's my favorite time of the year.

[Chick McGee]

Fireworks?

[Kelsey Cook]

Oh, you.

[Pat Godwin]

You know about fireworks, then?

[Donnie Baker]

I've got crates of them, man. You want to come over maybe this weekend?

[Tommy Brennan]

No, no, that's.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's not what I meant, Donald. We've actually got. Right over here, we have a firework safety program that we're trying to promote, and we're looking for a spokesperson.

[Donnie Baker]

Well, let me have that, man. I swear to God, I'll. Man, give me some hours off community service. I'll do anything.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, I tell you what. We could try recording a public service announcement for the fireworks if you've got some information you could help us with.

[Donnie Baker]

Give me them papers.

[Bob Kevoian]

All right, here, let's. I'm just gonna go ahead and roll tape. Here, take One.

[Donnie Baker]

Okay, man, first rule of thumb. Fireworks are a time honored fourth of July tradition, but they can be dangerous. So children never handle fireworks unless supervised by an adult or dared by a cooler kid. I remember one time in school, Joe emmert offered me 50 bucks mandala to fart with a firecrac. They wrestled. So I did it. I swear to God I did, but I didn't time it right. About blew the stripes off my Zubaz. Okay, number two. Alcohol and fireworks do not mix. So do all drinking beforehand. Remember, chug them before you light them. Also, cherry bombs make excellent alarm clocks for winos and homeless people. I swear to God, I've knocked the change out of their cups before. Okay, man, if you have to cross the state line to buy fireworks, don't forget. You might as well pick up a couple cartons of discount smokes while you're there. Don't sweat it, Randy. I got your Salem lights. And you say queer, don't point bottle rockets at your nerd friends. Nerds are small.

[Bob Kevoian]

They're vulnerable.

[Donnie Baker]

Slow moving, fat kids make much better targets. I swear to God they do. You get extra points if you hit their lunchbox. Okay, man, before shooting off fireworks inside a car, make sure it's a rental. I never shoot fireworks at my boat. I swear to God, man. I'll take you to.

[Bob Kevoian]

Excuse me, Donald. I don't think this is going to work out.

[Donnie Baker]

I ain't finished, man. I still got some more rules here. Don't light off fireworks around animals, man. That ain't cool. They don't like to be disturbed. But what is cool, man, is maybe finding a good dead possum or dead squirrel. Roadkill works great because the rigor mortis works as a vice grip. I swear to God it does. And finally, if an M80 blows your hand off, remember to use the opposite hand to pick up the detached appendage. Otherwise, you look like a big wuss in front of your buddies. They'll bust your chops all the way to the emergency room.

[Bob Kevoian]

Donald, think we've got all we need here.

[Donnie Baker]

And I've got more of these rules. There's a bunch of stuff you guys ain't covered.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, no, no, no.

[Ed Septic]

That.

[Tommy Brennan]

That's fine.

[Christopher]

Thanks.

[Bob Kevoian]

We've got all we need. We're gonna go ahead and just call this community service completed.

[Chick McGee]

All right?

[Pat Godwin]

I'll just fill out the paperwork.

[Kelsey Cook]

You could just.

[Bob Kevoian]

Just go right on home there.

[Donnie Baker]

You want to come over this weekend, man?

[Bob Kevoian]

No, no, thanks, Donna.

[Donnie Baker]

Suit yourself, man. Have your papers. That's more fireworks for me, man. Hey, can I get a mountain de.

[Christy Lee]

Good morning.

[Sam Miller]

Hello.

[Ed Septic]

From coast to coast, it's the Bob and Tom Show.

[Josh Arnold]

Many portions of the upcoming program have

[Pat Godwin]

been pre recorded, meaning they've already happened

[Josh Arnold]

and they're about to happen again.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

So where was it?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh. Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, we're glad to have you here. It's the Bob and Tom Show.

[Chick McGee]

Chick, I.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know, I'm with you. I wear a. A double shot. Remember those days?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, sure.

[Bob Kevoian]

We can do Bob and Tom double

[Josh Arnold]

shot two for Tuesday.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Are you.

[Bob Kevoian]

Can you gonna do the double shot intro for me? Double shot. Now we have to prepare everyone. In case you're just joining us. I. We would like a written apology as to why you missed the first part of the show.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes, you have to get that in.

[Bob Kevoian]

Ordinarily I would not forgive you, but I will. Today we have a great story. As you know, we love these world records and we learned a lot about this particular breed of chicken.

[Tommy Brennan]

The.

[Bob Kevoian]

The world's oldest chicken. Now, this is female division.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, there's two different.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, I'm.

[Christy Lee]

I.

[Josh Arnold]

Her name's Gertie.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean rooster then. Here's a technical question for a scientist out there. In most species, do the lady versions live longer than the men version?

[Pat Godwin]

That is a good question.

[Christy Lee]

Like in humans, right?

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't know the answer to that.

[Pat Godwin]

Statistically, humans, women live longer, right?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, you know, men die first.

[Bob Kevoian]

Why?

[Josh Arnold]

Because they want to.

[Christopher]

I see.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thank you very much. I think the preface of that joke.

[Josh Arnold]

I messed it up.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's okay. No, no, I. I helped you mess it up. Let's see. But the point being, this particular chicken, is it. Is it Gertrude. Gertie. Sorry.

[Josh Arnold]

Oldest hen in the world, the age of 15 years, a hundred days. And you said the standard for a golden sea bright chicken.

[Bob Kevoian]

10 to 12 years.

[Josh Arnold]

10 to 12?

[Bob Kevoian]

Something like that.

[Christy Lee]

I thought you'd ate 8 to 10.

[Josh Arnold]

Her owner, Frank Turek, slutch numbers.

[Christy Lee]

No, don't look at it.

[Josh Arnold]

Frank Turek said that Gertie went blind. She was moved inside his house and now has quite a lot of affection for his Great Dane, Maisie.

[Christy Lee]

I'd love to see them spooning.

[Pat Godwin]

That's very sweet.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, we're both wrong, Christy. The Seabright chicken generally lives to be 8 to 12 years.

[Christy Lee]

Ah, we were both right in a way.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, so we were lucky enough earlier this morning to contact. And this is such a rare treat when we have. Now there's a bit of irony here. All guests on the Bob and Tom show are brought to you. By Lee's Famous Recipe Chicken.

[Josh Arnold]

So maybe Lee's Famous Recipe Chicken is famous for a reason.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes, but not for the reason that they don't use old sea bread chickens like this. No, we do have the world's oldest female chicken in the studio with us and.

[Pat Godwin]

Hi, Gertie.

[Sam Miller]

Hello.

[Pat Godwin]

You know what? You might be. You, you, you. You're. You get more and more gorgeous every time we see you. Oh, and I'm no spring chicken.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, hey, that's pretty good, Gertie.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, I'm doing the song again. They have me back on the show.

[Ally Breen]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Tommy Brennan]

All right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you change countries? While during the last week, I put

[Pat Godwin]

a little different seasoning on. There are plenty of herbs and spices, too. I'm the oldest living chicken on earth. Oh, you know I am. Fifty years ago, my mother, God rest her soul, gave birth. Oh, I'm blind and can barely walk But I can still bonk, bonk, bonk. Oldest living chicken. I've laid a lot of eggs in many roosters, too. You know that, Christy.

[Bob Kevoian]

I was a bad girl back in the day.

[Pat Godwin]

It crowed in the morning and begged for a day and I would say any cockle doodle doo, you know the evil joke. I'm queen of the pen Still a badass mother hen And I'm the world's oldest living chicken. All of my offspring died I never got fried. Man, ain't that something? Never got me with the dumplings. I'm the world's oldest. L hold that last note. I'll catch a breath, you know, Living chicky. Oh, great. Beautiful. Still, at my age, you know, your.

[Sam Miller]

Your.

[Pat Godwin]

Your breasts may be sagging, but those thighs still look good. Oh, you. You met me in a way I desire. Now let me ask you, Gertie.

[Oscar]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

The term yard bird, is that okay? Or are we. They call. They gave me a call back in the day on the old outhouse phone, and I said. I said to Jeff Beck and Jimmy Page, it's okay if you call yourself the Yard, but. All right. So that's acceptable.

[Tommy Brennan]

Fine.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Oscar]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

I get a piece of it.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow. Nice. Very nice.

[Pat Godwin]

Did you happen to. Jeff, meet them?

[Oscar]

Oh.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, did you ask me.

[Josh Arnold]

Wait a minute. The Jeff Beck? Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

You and Jeff Beck?

[Donnie Baker]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

How long did that last? Oh, no, I'm sorry. Jeff Peck. That's a different guy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Your voice is changing.

[Pat Godwin]

That's not the point. No, that's not the point. The content is still.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you get to meet Eric Clapton?

[Pat Godwin]

Eric Clapton?

[Bob Kevoian]

Eric Clapton.

[Josh Arnold]

Come on.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, can you sing one of Eric Clon's songs.

[Pat Godwin]

So silly. I don't know any Eric Clapton. There's a crossroads crossing the road. There's something there,

[Bob Kevoian]

by the way. Yeah, Short answer. Do the females of the species live longer than the males? Very often, yes. Not in the entire animal kingdom, but in mammals, typically, they're also the deadliest.

[Pat Godwin]

Typically, aren't they the female. Female the species.

[Bob Kevoian]

Interesting. It says higher testosterone is linked to a weaker immune response.

[Christy Lee]

There you go, guys.

[Bob Kevoian]

And females may have a genetic advantage.

[Pat Godwin]

Makes sense. You want those who can birth. Well, that ends though, doesn't it?

[Bob Kevoian]

And isn't that causing a great deal of problems right now? What certain countries that favored the males and. Oh, yeah, population having big problems in

[Christy Lee]

China, you can say China. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And we have something called a meat raffle in the news. Has anybody ever heard of this?

[Pat Godwin]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, I hadn't either.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, I read the story and I was like, what?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I've heard a lot of raffles, but never meet.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christy Lee]

And apparently I'd rather go for the Picasso.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, there's apparently. There's apparently some kind of legislation now about meat raffles of all things. I think you're gonna like the Bob and Tom Show.

[Christopher]

Hey, good morning. This is the best of the Bob and Tom show on a Monday. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. Hope you're enjoying your long Fourth of July weekend. We have Kelsey Cook coming up, plus Ed Septic, Roy Wood Jr. Ali Breen with Sexy Time and DJ Dangler all on the way this morning. But coming up next, the big man, Sam Miller in studio. He's coming up in just a minute. Here on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Bob Kevoian]

Get us a request, shout out or comment. Hit the talk back mic on the app when you listen to Q95.

[Pat Godwin]

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[Christopher]

Welcome back. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. This is the best of the Bob and Tom show. They're back tomorrow morning. And here live right now, a segment with the big guy, comedian Sam Miller. What a funny guy. Here's a great segment with Sam on the Bob and Tom show.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now, we do have a guest in the studio. I can't help but notice him because he's gigantic.

[Christy Lee]

Nice.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Right out the gate.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is radio. I mean, what are you, like 6, 5, 800? I mean, excuse me. Sorry, sorry. No, no, that's not. That's mean.

[Pat Godwin]

Sir, are you £800? No, no, no, no, no, you're not. You're not.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I'm Discovery Channel big.

[Josh Arnold]

There you go.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sam Miller's.

[Chick McGee]

Are you.

[Bob Kevoian]

Are you three bills? Is that fair?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I'm £360.

[Bob Kevoian]

£360. Okay, so I was almost halfway wrong.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't know that people look at you, Sam, and go, oh, there's a fat guy. I think they go, there's a big guy.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

But I am fat, too, and I don't care.

[Pat Godwin]

But you're sure.

[Josh Arnold]

Sure.

[Bob Kevoian]

You look like you could be a. A retired lineman from the NFL who owns a pizza franchise.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Indeed.

[Bob Kevoian]

Pay a compliment, you monster is a very funny man. He's got tattoos and he's got a good head of hair.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I'm just happy to be here. I don't really have that great of

[Oscar]

a head of hair.

[Bob Kevoian]

I see. I was lying.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, to Tom and I, that's a great head of hair. Yeah, same here.

[Tommy Brennan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Very, very good. Sam Miller on the road. Peoria, the famous jukebox comedy club.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

You'll have a great time. You got that. And you got the museum with all the bulldozers. That's.

[Pat Godwin]

They have a bulldozer museum?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, they have the Caterpillar Museum.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, why didn't you say so?

[Pat Godwin]

And you got to go now to see the Caterpillar museum because in a few months it'll be the butterfly museum. Did you guys know that? Yes, I'm getting a thumbs down from Chick McGee.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, no, I'm Pat. I think I Think that should be your closer. So goodbye.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, that's a far different opinion.

[Pat Godwin]

During the setup, I understood what you were going for.

[Bob Kevoian]

I smiled immediate.

[Pat Godwin]

Immediately, I loved where it was going. Yeah, we all saw it coming.

[Christy Lee]

We all saw it coming.

[Pat Godwin]

No, no, no.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm with Willie, though. I saw it coming. I thought, why didn't I think of that? That's so, so clever and yet obvious. It's a great joke.

[Pat Godwin]

Very kind.

[Bob Kevoian]

There's probably a sign in the lobby of that place. I'll tell you this, three more weeks before we become.

[Pat Godwin]

When I told the joke, I didn't expect this much analysis. I kind of hoped it would just go,

[Josh Arnold]

that's your mistake that he was gonna do this. He's still doing it. Back to Tom.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay. And I. So I walk in the room. I was late once again, getting in here. For some reason. I'm. Occasionally I'll be late during the breaks. Usually I'm having some high level conference with someone. And I walk in the room and I hear Sam talking. And he says, all I heard was the phrase, I think we're gonna share a CPAP machine. All I know about the cpap machine is Mr. Godwin has to use one. This is that Aqua Lung thing. You breathe at night or something?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sleep apnea. Okay. Now you have one of those.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And you take it on the road.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, I do. I hate it and. But I can't now. If I don't use it, I wake up with a sore throat because I'm not used to snoring.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

So I'm kind of like. I've kind of built my own prison.

[Pat Godwin]

Are you sleeping better?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, I sleep great. I'm not.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is like the size of like a football.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I thought you were going to make a joke about how I needed a giant c.

[Chick McGee]

What do you use for a cpap?

[Bob Kevoian]

A vacuum exam. I envision it as making like a whack at a whack at a whack at a whack at a whack at a sound.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

It's pretty quiet. Sometimes it slips off and it kind of squeaks. It'll be like. And I'm not a fan of that.

[Josh Arnold]

I can tell you this. We weren't a fan of it.

[Ed Septic]

You just did.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's barely.

[Christopher]

I can't imagine.

[Josh Arnold]

I can't imagine the real thing. My God.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

My wife was talking about my snoring for a long time and. Yeah, I went in. I. I don't know if I've ever talked about this on here. But I had like 30 minutes. I stopped breathing 24 times, and that's what the lady told me. But it's funny because I felt like I was being attacked, so I threw it back at her. I was like. I started breathing 24 times, too.

[Pat Godwin]

That's the perfect ratio. So this is.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, you had one of those sleep tests.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you do that at your house or do they. You have to, man.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I did an in home one and they were like, yeah, you got sleep apnea. And it's like, well, duh. Like, I, I. My wife's like, you stop breathing all the time. And I'm like, so I knew I had sleep apnea. I take a sleep apnea test at home. They're like, you got sleep apnea? I take the sleep apnea test to the doctor, and they're like, you need to go see a sleep specialist.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm like, all right.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

And then they're like, you got sleep apnea? I'm like, thanks. Yeah. Yeah. My third time.

[Bob Kevoian]

So now does this thing strap to your face?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

It does. I'm not a fan of how it feels, but I fall asleep so quick now because I have a clear.

[Bob Kevoian]

How long's the hose?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I don't know.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean, can you roll over?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I could wrap it around my neck if I wanted.

[Chick McGee]

To.

[Pat Godwin]

Trouble with the life. I sleep really well. And so one day I'll have the deepest sleep you can ever imagine.

[Bob Kevoian]

Does your. You ever wake up and your wife's got her feet on your chest and she's pulling on the cord?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, like, cinching me down.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, like a big load.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

No, no, no.

[Chick McGee]

She's.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

She's a bigger fan of the CPAP that I am. And also, the first time I got up to work, I woke up and I was like, oh, yeah. Like, I remember this. Like, I just woke up and I was like, I'm okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

You get used to waking up tired, feeling bad.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, that's nice. Well, I'm bet it's working out for him.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Maybe you can get an endorsement.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I could, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

What's the name of your CPAP company?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I don't know. Then maybe they should talk to me and say it on air.

[Pat Godwin]

Don't mention it till you're paid. Wait a minute.

[Bob Kevoian]

God was trying to get a free new one.

[Pat Godwin]

What's it called?

[Oscar]

Phillips.

[Pat Godwin]

You probably have the Phillips.

[Christy Lee]

But do they offer you different brands or do they just give you one?

[Pat Godwin]

Well, the insurance paid for my Phillips.

[Oscar]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Okay.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, Insurance paid Insurance paid for mine.

[Pat Godwin]

I got the flathead clap on that one.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah, there you go.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Rules.

[Ally Breen]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

No, no.

[Pat Godwin]

He is the king of comedy. That's not true.

[Bob Kevoian]

Right now. If you're just joining us, thank you very much. You've missed a lot.

[Josh Arnold]

As a matter of fact, we don't know if it's. If it's time yet.

[Pat Godwin]

Sam Miller, We've been waiting all morning to find out when exactly is it time to rock? And we have the rock clock here with us.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is it time to rock?

[Chick McGee]

No.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, okay. All right.

[Josh Arnold]

No.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Time to rock.

[Pat Godwin]

That was not according to the Rock.

[Bob Kevoian]

Once again, welcome.

[Josh Arnold]

You are out of your element.

[Donnie Baker]

Pa.

[Bob Kevoian]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom program. Now let's meet our guest once again. He is comedian Sam Miller. Sam is a large fellow. How tall are you?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Six.

[Bob Kevoian]

Six, six, six.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And how much do you weigh?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

360 pounds.

[Ed Septic]

No, no, you.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean, you carry it well.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I love being big. Sometimes I like it when old ladies ask me for help in grocery stores.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah. Because it's really easy and they're so happy. Like, yeah, I was. Like, I was already up here.

[Christy Lee]

I'm one of those ladies.

[Ed Septic]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I love that you're on the road. Any unusual gigs of late since we last saw you, any unusual spots for you?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

So you guys know my history with recovery. I've been cleaning sober 16 years. Got in a lot of trouble.

[Bob Kevoian]

I forget, what was your. What was your drink of choice?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Math,

[Tom Griswold]

of course.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I've been doing comedy in a lot of prisons, so I've done four prison shows.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

It's been good for the most part. There was a weird one. So usually when I perform in prisons, it's for folks that are short timers. They're doing less than a year left on their sentence. I did one for life sentence. Folks getting out, way different vibe. And I was incarcerated some back in the day, so I know the score. Anyway, I did this show at this prison, and I don't want to say what prison it is, you know, I don't want to get in trouble. But I do this show at this prison. It's going really well. So my material, a lot of my material is about criminality, incarceration. They don't like those jokes. But what they love is my jokes about big women.

[Josh Arnold]

Women.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

That's what unites the inmates of America. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I learned that. But anyway, there was a guy in the back. Okay. I've never told this story before, but there's a guy in the back who is being weird. All the other inmates are having a good time after the show. I'm hanging out, we're being friendly. It's nice. This guy comes up to me and he goes, hey. And I was like, you talk weird. He goes, I really liked your jokes. And I was like, like, thanks, man. And he goes, do you know who I am? And I was like, no h. He goes, I'm a bit of a celebrity myself.

[Pat Godwin]

Is that right?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

And my heart like started to drop. And then he just straight up told me, he goes, I was a serial killer.

[Christopher]

Whoa.

[Sam Miller]

Oh.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

And I found out who it was after the fact and all this stuff. But in that moment, like, I love like, Silence of the Lambs, Mind Hunter, all these like serial killer shows. In that moment, I was like, never again.

[Pat Godwin]

Never again.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I'm done with all of it. But here's the thing though. I am in a conversation with this dude and I'm thinking about like, this is like the most awful of all human beings. Yeah. In front of me. Right. But I'm in a conversation with him and he told me that goes, I was a serial killer. And I looked at him and I was like, looks like you're doing a lot better now.

[Ally Breen]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

What do you say?

[Josh Arnold]

Exactly.

[Christy Lee]

You're done.

[Josh Arnold]

What am I accusing, dude? So how's that going?

[Donnie Baker]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Did you look him up afterwards?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I did and it sucks. And the reason why I did. And it sucks. He sucks.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

You know, I, like I said I know some guys that are heavy. I've done some stuff that I'm pretty ashamed of. I was never like, violent violent.

[Pat Godwin]

Right.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Like, I got in some fights and stuff like that, but that's different. And it was funny because even the other inmates, they're not messing with that, that dude, like, cuz he's weirdo. Like, he's, he's off brand, you know.

[Bob Kevoian]

So did you say which joke of mine was your favorite?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

You know, this is the thing about it, right? Like I said, none of the other inmates were hanging out with him. He was in the corner by himself the whole show. He didn't laugh at anything. Smiled at me the whole time.

[Christopher]

Right.

[Josh Arnold]

Because that's exactly the way I think it should go.

[Ed Septic]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Because I think the whole time he was waiting to walk up to me and tell me that, man. And that's the reason I, I don't tell people who he was because he can, he can kick rocks. He's not on Bob and Tom. I am.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah, no.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

You know, like, I'm not, I'm not gonna, like, I'm not gonna give this guy press.

[Christy Lee]

Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. We had a very similar experience. We played softball against the hardcore women's prisoners. We did it on the air one.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Bob Kevoian]

And do you remember what happened?

[Christy Lee]

I wasn't there. This was before me.

[Pat Godwin]

You got hit on by Eileen Ware nose, didn't you, boy, what a crab.

[Bob Kevoian]

But it was very similar experience. One of the. One of the ladies, it turned out, was part of a famous murder. And, and I had, I had her when they came up. You know who this is? No. The same deal. And it's. That's very creepy.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah. And I think it really bummed me out because I love performing in prisons. Like. Yeah, yeah, it's, it's. It's wonderful to me. I recently did a. A Valentine's Day thing and it was inmates that had their wives there. And I had been in that prison before and they're introducing me to their wives and like it's the coolest.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's nice vibe.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, it's amazing.

[Bob Kevoian]

Was it conjugal day or something?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

No, it's just like they have. Because these are all like. This is like. Like these are mostly like drug offenders, like pretty minor.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, so they're, they're on their way out.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah. This wasn't the place with the.

[Bob Kevoian]

I see. With the, the serial killer.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, with the serial killer. Yeah. And I. You know what's weird is I hesitate to even tell that story because I don't want people. Because it's not really like that. That was a one time.

[Pat Godwin]

Sure, sure. So it shouldn't stop you from doing other prisons?

[Bob Kevoian]

No.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

God, no. I'm going to do it even more. I love performing in prisons. And also the cool thing is, is you can perform in the afternoon because they're there.

[Kelsey Cook]

They're there.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

You don't have to wait for people to get off of work.

[Bob Kevoian]

They were giving me the light, then su dimmed.

[Josh Arnold]

That's pretty good.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's the last time I do a midnight show. We are joined by comedian Sam Miller.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Hey.

[Bob Kevoian]

A guy from the great northwest.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Olympia, Washington.

[Bob Kevoian]

Where'd you go to high school?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

A couple. Couple places.

[Bob Kevoian]

You were the Fighting Watts.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

We were the Trailblazers.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

And I don't remember the other mascots. I don't remember high school that much at all really. I got my ged.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, I got expelled. But here's the thing. I'm one of 50 notable alumni from. They had a 50th anniversary. I won a 50 notable alumni thing from Timberline High School.

[Pat Godwin]

The school that expelled you?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah. So there's three people that won that dropped out and I am the only one who got expelled and won that thing they like. It's a comeback story.

[Pat Godwin]

It is a comeback.

[Bob Kevoian]

I have a quick question. What are the reunions like for your GED class?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I have not been invited. I think, I think we had those in jail actually.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sam Miller is our guest. Recently did a bunch of gigs in prisons. Kind of nice of you to entertain the folks. Have you strictly done the men's prisons or.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I haven't done a woman's prison. I'm sure that's coming up. There are those. You know, it's one of those things where like you start, you work one prison, before you know it, they're all reaching out.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, no kidding.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, yeah, because it's the, you know, you have the Department of Corrections, they run the prisons and I've done that one.

[Christy Lee]

And how much entertainment do they do?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Not a lot. It depends, you know, it depends a lot of times, like it's outside funding that allows it to happen. So the show I did in some of the prisons were sponsored by colleges and stuff like law department.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, interesting. Would you ever do an album like Johnny Cash?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

You know, I think that's just been done a lot. I'm into it.

[Ed Septic]

Yeah. What's his name?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

He did the crowd work special at the prison and I would actually my idea, it's kind of a wild card move would be I would like to go into a prison and do like a stand up comedy workshop and teach inmates how to do comedy and then

[Christy Lee]

release that and then do like an open mic night.

[Pat Godwin]

Man, that's a great idea, Sam.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Actually Metallica play to prison a few years ago.

[Christy Lee]

Alec is in the news today. Ace.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh well then we can, we can make a good segue there. Before we get back to Sam. What's Metallica doing now?

[Christy Lee]

They're bringing their performance from Mexico City straight to viewers faces. Thanks to Apple Vision Pro, Metallica's show is going to be delivered in an immersive concert experience on VA and VR headsets. Friday, March 14th. Filmed during the sold out finale of their M72 World Tour last year, you will have a 180 degree high definition viewing experience and immersive spatial audio. The concert experience features the band's iconic hits of course Whiplash One and Enter Sandman. Apple built a custom stage layout featuring 14 of their immersive video cameras including some that moved around the stage. If you do not own one of the $3,500 headsets, which is all Metallica fans. Yeah, you could. You can book a Vision Pro demo to experience Metallica's performance at your local Apple store.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, I did read about this. I mean, it's so authentic. You put the headset on and the show starts 45 minutes late. You have to go buy a $150t shirt and a $20 Coke. Very realistic.

[Josh Arnold]

I think the Coke would be more than that.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Who's gonna pour beer on me?

[Bob Kevoian]

Are you a fan, Josh? Do you like the Metallica?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, I do, I do.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sam, You?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I'm on the fence. I was just remembering when you were reading that story, though, that when I was in jail, there was somebody had done graffiti and wrote Metallica, but they spelled it wrong. I was like, I still ought to stop getting locked.

[Bob Kevoian]

This place sucks.

[Pat Godwin]

That means it's time to rot

[Donnie Baker]

at last.

[Pat Godwin]

Little Pantera.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I like their Unplugged album. Was that guy being tortured? What's going on with it?

[Oscar]

Good stuff.

[Pat Godwin]

People love it.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, people are drunk now. Let's talk to Sam. Sam, you mentioned that the fellas in the prisons, they. They loved your jokes about the big girls.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

You are a big fellow, you.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I am Indeed.

[Bob Kevoian]

You're like 6, 5, 6, 6, 300 something big, man. Not fat, just. Just big. This is maybe too personal. Is your wife a woman of size?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

She is. And I have no problem talking about that. And I love other big women, too. I am a faithful fella, but it's always exciting. Anytime I'm touring in the Midwest, you know, I was just in Kansas City. I am a faithful man. However, if I wasn't high target environment.

[Bob Kevoian]

There are a lot.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, a lot of big women.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I know there's big women out here. I know there's big people in the Midwest. I know there are. Because all the toilets are loose.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's how you know we all got

[Pat Godwin]

a little rock to them.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

That's how you know you're in big people country.

[Bob Kevoian]

You can kind of move it like a dj.

[Christopher]

Oh, we're going to talk sex fantasies and shower sex. Coming up next on this Monday morning.

[Bob Kevoian]

Get ready.

[Christopher]

This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Josh Arnold]

Bob and Tom,

[Bob Kevoian]

you've got weight loss goals, but hitting them is another story. That's why weight loss by himss now offers access to the FDA approved WeGovy pill and the FDA approved WeGovy pen. With WeGovy at HIMSS lose up to 20% or more of your body weight. When combined with diet and exercise, it Helps you regulate your appetite and eat less so success is within reach. Plus, WeGovy is the first ever GLP1 pill for weight loss so there are no needles needed and it doesn't stop there. HIMSS makes hitting your goals seamless by offering access to 24. 7 messaging with your care team and in app lifestyle and nutrition support like recipes, meal plans, fitness videos, sleep content and more. It's nice, simple and convenient, just the way I like it. Ready to reach your goals? Visit himss.combobandtom to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you. That's H I M S.combobandtom hims.combobandtom Weight loss by HIMSS is not available in all 50 states. WeGovy is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk as to get started and learn more, including important safety information, WeGovy clinical study information and restrictions, visit HIMSS.com the

[Christopher]

best of the Bob and Tom show here on a Monday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. Here's a segment about sex, fantasies, shower, sex and more sex.

[Bob Kevoian]

Time now to move forward here.

[Christy Lee]

Are you going to start with our fantasy deal over there?

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, if you want.

[Pat Godwin]

Dear Mr. Fantasy.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, that's a good song.

[Pat Godwin]

I agree.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is the topic. What sexual fantasy left you disappointed when you actually tried it? Oh, this is from Reddit.

[Pat Godwin]

I think we could all start marriage with sex in the shower. Sex in the shower.

[Tom Griswold]

In the water.

[Pat Godwin]

Rarely as cool as you. Love it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Love it.

[Tom Griswold]

What?

[Christy Lee]

Sex in the shower.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, I love hearing that.

[Bob Kevoian]

Really?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow.

[Pat Godwin]

I like showering together and then sex somewhere else.

[Josh Arnold]

Right?

[Christy Lee]

That's good.

[Josh Arnold]

I like that.

[Tommy Brennan]

That is good.

[Josh Arnold]

That's the way Josh and I mean, that's the way I enjoy it.

[Pat Godwin]

You ever soap up a really big pair of boobs? Just as awesome as anything when you're by yourself.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thank you, Pat, for stepping in.

[Josh Arnold]

That was me.

[Bob Kevoian]

Pat steps in.

[Josh Arnold]

Way to go, Pat.

[Bob Kevoian]

My normal role. I like it when they slot. They swap roles.

[Tom Griswold]

You like to wash a woman's hair?

[Pat Godwin]

Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christy Lee]

That's nice.

[Bob Kevoian]

That is nice.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Kelsey Cook]

What?

[Pat Godwin]

Because I love having my hair washed, right? And so I. I know how great it is.

[Christy Lee]

You have a big shower. You and Kelly don't get in there and you wash your hair for.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm not gonna wash it.

[Tom Griswold]

No, he's busy playing.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm not gonna do that now. One time I did shave a woman's legs and I didn't care for it at all. In fact, I stopped halfway through and Said, please take over because I was so scared I was gonna cut her. Yeah, okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

You mean accidentally?

[Christy Lee]

Of course.

[Pat Godwin]

No, she just wouldn't shut up. I was so scared. And I said, if you don't stop talking about that woman you don't like at your job, I'm going to cut you.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gonna get gilletted. Right from the carotid artery.

[Josh Arnold]

I hate them, too. It's okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Some of these, I really can't read. They're far too graphic.

[Pat Godwin]

What do you mean?

[Josh Arnold]

Adult chair.

[Bob Kevoian]

This one involves. He's bending over

[Pat Godwin]

and she's.

[Bob Kevoian]

I really can't.

[Pat Godwin]

You know I can. You guys know I'm really good at tiptoeing around this stuff.

[Christy Lee]

Why didn't you give it to Josh?

[Pat Godwin]

He doesn't trust me.

[Josh Arnold]

Is the word. Is the word grim in there anywhere?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, we can't trust Tom because the more he cleans it up, the dirtier.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah, the word rim could be in here.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay. And the problem is at the end of the it's quote again, the shower is running.

[Christy Lee]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

And he's. He's bent over lower. The final phrase is, damn near waterboarded myself.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, okay.

[Christy Lee]

I see what he's doing.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

He's doing that.

[Bob Kevoian]

Here's a short one.

[Pat Godwin]

A soggy lunch, we call it.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Or a wet artichoke.

[Christy Lee]

Do you have, like, a bench or a seat in your shower?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, those are good.

[Christy Lee]

Have you heard what those are called?

[Bob Kevoian]

No, but I'm going to hear it now. What is it?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, F. Bench.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, a BJ bench.

[Bob Kevoian]

Very famous.

[Pat Godwin]

I know a park that has one of those down the street. Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Right there. Yeah, you can walk there.

[Josh Arnold]

I know there's a HJ Center. Yeah. Or Pat's gonna be.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that's true.

[Pat Godwin]

Have you guys seen the Glory Hole building that's down there?

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Pat Godwin]

I mean, it's not pretty. It's just some hole in the wall, but it is a.

[Josh Arnold]

Have you ever.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'll let that go. That. I enjoyed that.

[Josh Arnold]

Have you anybody actually seen a glory hole in real life?

[Pat Godwin]

I know Tom has. I have not.

[Josh Arnold]

Tom. You have.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

And where was this?

[Bob Kevoian]

Low library on the campus of Columbia University.

[Tom Griswold]

Really?

[Josh Arnold]

Honest to God.

[Bob Kevoian]

In a very, very old, old bathroom. I mean, in the stall. The kind that had the. The kind that had. Remember the urinals that went all the way down to the floor? That was. That was a great design. Well, now I can spray my shoes. I also explained, ladies, contemporary urinals typically are hip height. Yeah. A little Maybe knee height for the kids, but they're not. They don't go all the way to the floor. But back in the day they were these enormous floor length.

[Christy Lee]

But yeah, you see them in older.

[Ed Septic]

I think they work.

[Pat Godwin]

Dude, I don't think you get the backsplash with those down to the floor ones.

[Josh Arnold]

I think you get more splash out of the hip.

[Pat Godwin]

I agree. Especially the kid one.

[Bob Kevoian]

You got to hit it at the right angle, right?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, you just can't go in there willy nilly, whipping it around.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, you know, he's doing other things.

[Bob Kevoian]

He's eating cereal.

[Tom Griswold]

He's on the phone.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes, you are. You do eat cereal.

[Pat Godwin]

Plus, much like a fire hose he can't control.

[Josh Arnold]

So gigantic.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm sorry. So the point is. Yes. In the in low library, there was a glory. Oh, sorry. No, it was. Excuse me. That's. It was in Butler library. The other one. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Where the Butlers could check out books.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah. There was a. You have to serve a traditional. They were like oak dividers between the stalls.

[Tommy Brennan]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, it was between the stalls.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes.

[Ally Breen]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's not on the wall.

[Tom Griswold]

So these. So the assumption is it's a guy on the other side.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

In that case for sure. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. It was in New York.

[Tommy Brennan]

Kidding.

[Pat Godwin]

Early 20th century Ivy League.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Who's a guy?

[Christopher]

Wow.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

If you're straight, raise your hand.

[Ed Septic]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Not a lot of hands.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah. And it had been primitively carved, it looked like with Bic pens over the years. I was actually discussing it with the dean of the college at one point.

[Pat Godwin]

Was his mouth full? You know, dean, now you. So you. You're into this, huh?

[Bob Kevoian]

Talking about behind the couch.

[Josh Arnold]

Talking about old time.

[Bob Kevoian]

I was about to say this distinguished name of the dean. I will not now. Because he was aware of it and there had been an incident.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, I bet he was aware of it. Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, never mind. Let's just move forward here. Where were we? Oh, once again, these are fantasies that when you get to it, it really

[Christy Lee]

not as good as it sounded.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah. These are. Now that I've looked at them. Here's one. I thought I wanted to be dominated, writes this young lady.

[Pat Godwin]

You do you.

[Bob Kevoian]

I asked my husband. I asked my husband to slap me. He slapped me and I started sobbing.

[Tommy Brennan]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

That didn't turn out well. If they. She found out.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

And I promise you that guy never felt horrible.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

And if he didn't.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Then you got a problem.

[Pat Godwin]

If he loved it, then there are other issues.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Traumatized.

[Josh Arnold]

I know the last time we tried this, you cried, but I really. I really dug it.

[Pat Godwin]

I've tried both.

[Christy Lee]

Tried what? Slapping.

[Pat Godwin]

Being smacked in the face and slapping in the face? Yeah, man.

[Christy Lee]

Not on the butt or something.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, that's not even a. You don't even ask to do that.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, that's standard.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, that's.

[Christy Lee]

That's standard.

[Tom Griswold]

I thought that was invitation only.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, I did, too.

[Chick McGee]

Maybe a.

[Pat Godwin]

If I slap your ass and you look back and go, what'd you just do that for? You're out.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Fair enough.

[Pat Godwin]

Because you're lying. Not only is she lying to me, she's lying to herself.

[Bob Kevoian]

Get your swag and going. When you say you're doing some good work. When you say you're out, do you have to untie her? Is it of her own volition?

[Josh Arnold]

She knows you untire. You pick up the pizza and you go home, Right?

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Ally Breen]

That's right.

[Tom Griswold]

Speaking of.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, by the way, I am not a slappy, and I did not care for being a slapper, okay? No matter. It was. It was received well. Hard for me to do, really.

[Christy Lee]

Yes, I could see that you're a really sweet, sensitive man.

[Bob Kevoian]

This guy writes completely tying a woman to all four bed posts, dude.

[Christy Lee]

All four.

[Pat Godwin]

That's not bad.

[Bob Kevoian]

He goes, it was kind of fun, but all she could do was lie there.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, That's.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that's the point.

[Bob Kevoian]

It made it worse. It felt like a weird game of solitaire.

[Josh Arnold]

Huh?

[Christy Lee]

Huh?

[Pat Godwin]

I. I don't.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. I want to know what was going on there.

[Kelsey Cook]

He's.

[Pat Godwin]

But it wasn't for him.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, well.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And then a lot of these are far too gr.

[Christy Lee]

Well, that leads to rope play in my story right here.

[Pat Godwin]

Don't sleep on. Don't sleep on hog tying.

[Christy Lee]

You know how to hog tie?

[Sam Miller]

See, they.

[Josh Arnold]

The more they struggle, the tighter the room.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't know how to hog tie.

[Chick McGee]

No.

[Pat Godwin]

I have two pairs of handcuffs that are wrist to ankle cuffs.

[Christy Lee]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow.

[Pat Godwin]

Pretty rad.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hang on a second.

[Christy Lee]

That's like hog tying.

[Pat Godwin]

So it goes on the wrist, and then that wrist gets cuffed to the ankle.

[Christy Lee]

Ankle in the back with some.

[Pat Godwin]

Get with.

[Chick McGee]

With about.

[Pat Godwin]

About 8 inches of.

[Kelsey Cook]

I think it's like this.

[Christy Lee]

No, no, no.

[Pat Godwin]

Can't do much with that.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Did you say something about being tied?

[Tom Griswold]

No, no, I was just curious if that came up.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

You. You have two pair?

[Pat Godwin]

Well, sure.

[Christy Lee]

You gotta have one for each hand.

[Pat Godwin]

Otherwise it's just like.

[Tom Griswold]

Hey,

[Bob Kevoian]

otherwise. She can defend herself. I'm sorry. Okay, back to you, Chris.

[Christy Lee]

Some couples are experimenting with what is called shibari rope play to help deepen their emotional connection. Shibari is a type of Japanese rope bondage that utilizes knots and bow lines, hitches and other rope based restraints in a variety of patterns.

[Pat Godwin]

And I don't want to have to be an eight year Navy veteran.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, oh, sure. You make that a half hitch. I'd prefer a bow line.

[Christy Lee]

According to Sarah Landa, founder of Shibari Academy, the intimate practice is best described as. As quote, conversation without words. In that one partner's body expresses, the other partner responds with non verbal communication. She told the New York Post that while it can be sexual, it is not inherently so saying many of these practices are simply structured ways for people to communicate more clearly. Set boundaries, build trust and be present. That's what makes them powerful.

[Bob Kevoian]

Somebody writes for a corporation. That's a lot of bs, right?

[Christy Lee]

It's a sexual thing.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, not always. That's interesting. Interesting. It's not a sexual thing. When you. When the dentist puts the X ray blanket over me and I feel completely comfortable and you know, that's being restrained in a way.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, like a weighted blanket.

[Bob Kevoian]

Exactly.

[Tommy Brennan]

Yeah.

[Ed Septic]

I love.

[Pat Godwin]

This is fascinating. Has its own language.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

So you tie up, let's say she's tying up the man and he responds sort of with a non verbal or something like that.

[Oscar]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

And then she knows, oh, I can tighten that area.

[Bob Kevoian]

You would enjoy being.

[Pat Godwin]

No, this is not for me. I just, I think.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, you couldn't reach the notch Jos on the bed stand. Jesus Christ.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh my.

[Pat Godwin]

Is anybody on his side?

[Christy Lee]

No,

[Pat Godwin]

we're on Team Josh.

[Josh Arnold]

Let me tell you something, he's the best salesman you've got.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay, Team Josh all the way.

[Josh Arnold]

He illustrates every day. Just let him, let him talk, man.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, I would. I don't want any rope anywhere.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, I, but I, I like that there's this world out there.

[Chick McGee]

Whoa.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I just envisioned some guy going, oh, here's one I learned in Boy Scouts.

[Pat Godwin]

I got my, my, my bad. My badge, my Shabari badge on the way.

[Christopher]

Next hour, comedians Tommy Brennan and DJ Dangler on this Monday morning. But next, Christy and Osu in school, not together. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Jim Rome takes on sports.

[Bob Kevoian]

I will always have a complicated relationship with this game, but people evolve. So do sports. Do not make me regret this. Do not make me devolve back to that guy that so many clones wish that I still was. And do not embarrass the entire country. Now I can go back. I can get there fast. Lose tonight and you got a real problem. Do not blow it.

[Ed Septic]

The Jim Rome show podcast.

[Bob Kevoian]

You've been warned. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.

[Christopher]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show on this Monday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. The gang is back in here tomorrow morning. Here's a segment about Christie's school and Oscar in school. Boy, I can't wait to hear that.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hello, Chick Magee.

[Josh Arnold]

I say. I say hello to.

[Pat Godwin]

Did you guys have present kid in your. In one of your classes?

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah, usually every year.

[Christy Lee]

I say that sometimes.

[Josh Arnold]

Present.

[Christy Lee]

Present.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, boy.

[Christy Lee]

You hated that.

[Pat Godwin]

No, I didn't hate it, but it was always.

[Ally Breen]

I.

[Pat Godwin]

It was.

[Josh Arnold]

Boy, what else do you do?

[Pat Godwin]

It was always so expected that it wasn't funny.

[Christy Lee]

I was a teacher's pet. I'll admit. I loved it.

[Pat Godwin]

So you weren't doing it for comedic reasons?

[Christy Lee]

No, I wanted to. I love school. I would. Yeah, I'm present. I'm here.

[Josh Arnold]

All right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Know, I think the teachers are annoyed you're doing the here, here, here present. Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

The teachers. The teachers know who kiss asses are.

[Christy Lee]

Always sat in the front. Always sat in the front.

[Josh Arnold]

You had a lazy eye.

[Christy Lee]

Okay, I did.

[Josh Arnold]

And you couldn't see the board.

[Christy Lee]

Well, that's true. You're right there.

[Bob Kevoian]

Congratulate our own Jeff Osay. Yeah, yeah, I understand. Jeffrey, You're. You've gone. You've. You. What is it called, adult education?

[Oscar]

You're.

[Pat Godwin]

I mean, technically, I went back to college.

[Ed Septic]

I. My first year. Yeah, I graduated.

[Bob Kevoian]

But you had a. You had a stellar report, I understand.

[Ed Septic]

Oh, yeah. Just killing it.

[Pat Godwin]

Nicely done, buddy.

[Ed Septic]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

You got an A. Oh, yeah.

[Ed Septic]

Good for you. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

So you gave them your ideas for free?

[Ed Septic]

Yeah, free of charge. And I think they said, no, thank you.

[Pat Godwin]

Thank you.

[Ed Septic]

Oh, real quick. I have a question for mowing your gr. I mowed my grass. Well. Well, Josh, I'm talking to you. You mow your own grass? The only one in this room.

[Pat Godwin]

He does. Oh, I used to.

[Ed Septic]

Oh, yeah. Have you seen his lawn?

[Christy Lee]

Mows the lawn. Does that count? I watch him.

[Ed Septic]

Well, kind of. So normally when I mow my lawn, I. I mow it like I'm trying to win an award. Like, I'm very pristine and I'm very, like, take my time and all the angles and everything. And yesterday it dawned on me, oh, no one cares but me.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay.

[Ed Septic]

So yesterday I tried to speed run it.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Ed Septic]

I mowed my lawn on my tractor. All the way down the entire lawn. Yeah. And I did it in like half the time. Now all my neighbors probably think I smoked meth or like I looked like a lunatic pick out there. Just speed running. So do you, like, take your time with your lawn or are you just trying to get it done as quick as possible?

[Pat Godwin]

I would say I take my time.

[Tom Griswold]

Me.

[Ally Breen]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Did anybody notice it?

[Oscar]

Well, no.

[Ed Septic]

No one's ever noticed.

[Bob Kevoian]

I do it. I do it quickly. I just say underlay. Oh, my God.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't. That'll get it done quick.

[Ed Septic]

Thank you for saving that time.

[Pat Godwin]

Might also find a dump or two.

[Ed Septic]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And there are. There are certain people that how you tell them they. They really enjoy cutting the grass. They take their time. I know. I know a guy that could afford to have a team of 300 do his yard and he does it himself. He loves it. It's his piece. It's his. It's his, it's his.

[Ed Septic]

Right? And that's how I normally am. But yesterday I was like, I wonder how fast I can know it. And it was exhilarating. Oh, yeah. I mean, I. I almost tipped over a couple times.

[Josh Arnold]

I was flying.

[Pat Godwin]

How did it look? Like crap.

[Ed Septic]

Really? I don't know.

[Pat Godwin]

It looked like a. I'm going to drive by.

[Christy Lee]

I'll drive by today. I'll give you.

[Pat Godwin]

You know whose lawn has never looked better?

[Tom Griswold]

Who?

[Pat Godwin]

Alman and Donnies.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Pat Godwin]

Donnie is out there. He's. He's already been out there more this year.

[Bob Kevoian]

You have to explain.

[Pat Godwin]

I will, I will. I'll explain.

[Bob Kevoian]

Alman has a baby.

[Pat Godwin]

You explain.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, no. The average listener.

[Pat Godwin]

I was. I know how to tell the story.

[Josh Arnold]

Telling the story. He was getting. Getting to it.

[Pat Godwin]

I've communicated my whole life pretty successfully. One of the reasons you hired me is because I can talk into this GD microphone.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay. Now the bad mood's gone from chick to you.

[Josh Arnold]

I wasn't in a bad mood, and

[Pat Godwin]

I'm not in a bad mood. In a bad mood.

[Josh Arnold]

Absolutely. Was not saying anything, so I'm sorry.

[Bob Kevoian]

He hasn't done a song, so I didn't know. So you can see.

[Pat Godwin]

I think I want to go back into that store. You think? After you. After you just took a dump in the pool. I want to get back in and wait around.

[Ed Septic]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

Why does his lawn look so nice?

[Christy Lee]

She's back tomorrow.

[Pat Godwin]

You know what? We'll save it for tomorrow because I can actually ask her if that's what's going on.

[Josh Arnold]

What's going on in the news.

[Kelsey Cook]

Chris.

[Christy Lee]

Thanks.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now, do you Let me ask you this, Josh.

[Tommy Brennan]

Do you.

[Josh Arnold]

Are there any more chilling words in broadcasting than Tom saying, let me ask you this?

[Bob Kevoian]

God.

[Pat Godwin]

Is this about lawn care? Yes, please.

[Bob Kevoian]

You have an electric lawnmower, Is that correct?

[Oscar]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is that an Accord?

[Pat Godwin]

No,

[Ed Septic]

Everything.

[Josh Arnold]

Batteries, Tom.

[Tommy Brennan]

Batteries.

[Pat Godwin]

Wouldn't that suck? It's like when you vacuum and you have to keep getting the cord.

[Josh Arnold]

I think they used to be on.

[Sam Miller]

They did?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

There's a service in my neighborhood. I don't.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't use them.

[Josh Arnold]

But what's the service? Service?

[Bob Kevoian]

It's.

[Josh Arnold]

Perhaps I'll try them, old chap.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's like silent or whatever. Quiet. Lawn care or something.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay, so they're probably all electric.

[Bob Kevoian]

They. That's part of their pitch, is that they don't make a lot of noise.

[Pat Godwin]

You know what they can't figure out?

[Bob Kevoian]

Electric.

[Pat Godwin]

Maybe it's out there. But they have not been able to find the electric leaf blowers. Still loud as anything.

[Bob Kevoian]

And I wrote, you ruined my story and I ruined yours. But how would I know? No, you're crazy. I was just gonna say the one thing that these.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

These guys.

[Josh Arnold]

These guys are out there.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's. It's. It's nice and quiet the moment it's time to blow.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

But now, Tom, I'm an average listener. Mr. Joe Six Pack. I'm not sure what a leaf blower is now. Could you walk me through that?

[Bob Kevoian]

It's like a hair dryer.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, okay.

[Pat Godwin]

But kids, it. You know what, it is like a hair dryer for your lawn.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm still unsure. Do I have to cover my lawn and curlers to. I don't understand.

[Pat Godwin]

Kids, if you can make the silent leaf blower. Yes, you'll be a billionaire.

[Bob Kevoian]

That and the poop free dog.

[Ed Septic]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

We have hypoallergenic. We need hypo crap.

[Christy Lee]

The electric leaf blower is a little bit quieter. It's not as bad.

[Pat Godwin]

It's not quiet.

[Christy Lee]

It's not quiet. But it's not as bad as one of those gas.

[Josh Arnold]

You know what I've always wanted is the backpack.

[Christy Lee]

I never wanted one of those guys.

[Pat Godwin]

I have an irrational phobia of one bursting into flames. Honestly, I've seen it happen.

[Ed Septic]

Happen.

[Pat Godwin]

So I. I have a rational phobia.

[Josh Arnold]

They look so dangerous.

[Bob Kevoian]

Those are gas powered, right?

[Sam Miller]

Yeah.

[Ed Septic]

And they're like $700.

[Josh Arnold]

Sure they are.

[Ed Septic]

They're a nice.

[Christy Lee]

I bet they're heavy too, right?

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, it looks. It looks just like that scene. Is it in Goldfinger or. The guy, he puts on Straps on the pack and starts flying.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes, the jetpack.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you see the. I think we talked about this. The. The video that apparently is real of the guy on the jet pack towing a dog of golden retriever on a sea doo.

[Josh Arnold]

And the golden's steering the ski do.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah, it's out there. It's. He's got one of those jet packs that shoots water down and so he's like 10ft off the ground, off the water. It's pretty cool, man. Yeah, so it's. It's good stuff. I'm sorry. So, so much for a lawn care segment.

[Pat Godwin]

I love, love it.

[Christy Lee]

You love doing lawn care.

[Pat Godwin]

I do. Gets me outside listening to music.

[Ed Septic]

Now, do you do, like, the lines? Do you stripe yours or like, do you do designs?

[Pat Godwin]

I don't, I don't angle or anything like that. It's all pretty straight lines.

[Christy Lee]

And you alternate. So one time you go this way and one time you go that way, you're. Oh, you're supposed to alternate.

[Ed Septic]

Two weeks ago, I did a Van Gogh, Starry Night.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, cool. Look.

[Ed Septic]

Great. Took me 14 hours, but it might. So many compliments. Gorgeous.

[Bob Kevoian]

Christy, what's coming up in the news?

[Christy Lee]

Coming up, we have a guy in Japan who has a problem. He has been unconscious for a while.

[Josh Arnold]

A Japan. Japan guy?

[Christy Lee]

A Japanese man. Yes. A mayor that he wants me to say some crazy name for.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's the man's name.

[Christy Lee]

That's the only reason we do these stories, so you can make fun of me.

[Josh Arnold]

Is he an umpire?

[Christy Lee]

Japanese.

[Josh Arnold]

Is this an umpire?

[Christy Lee]

No, he's a mayor.

[Josh Arnold]

Know an umpire got hit in the head with a bat in the Japanese Baseball league and he's been unconscious for 24 days.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, my God.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is. This is the same thing.

[Josh Arnold]

It's the same guy.

[Kelsey Cook]

No, no.

[Christy Lee]

And would you like to lower.

[Donnie Baker]

Why would you say it's the same thing?

[Ed Septic]

They both get hit with a bat.

[Josh Arnold]

Did I say did not get hit with a bat?

[Bob Kevoian]

And you, you said do the story, Chris.

[Christy Lee]

But no, this is a horrible story.

[Bob Kevoian]

I know, but I've got a good joke.

[Josh Arnold]

The Japanese. Yeah, the umpire story is a good story. And I bet this it's not a good joke. Okay, but go ahead.

[Christy Lee]

A council in Japan has voted to remove its mayor, Kaikuo Hatakeyama, after he remained unconscious for several months following a brain hemorrhage. The decision was made through a unanimous no confidence motion. Hatakeyama has served as mayor of this city since 2008, called Hachirogata, but his illness earlier this year left him Unable to carry out his duties.

[Pat Godwin]

That makes sense why they would.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, of course.

[Pat Godwin]

Go. Hey, maybe a mayor who can actually open his eyes.

[Donnie Baker]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean, it's obviously a sad story.

[Christy Lee]

Obviously.

[Bob Kevoian]

But I just think it. It just shows the distinction, if you will, between the United States and Japan.

[Christy Lee]

Well, what is that?

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, in the United States, obviously, if we have a brain dead politician, we send him back to Washington.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, we didn't do politics.

[Pat Godwin]

No, no, that was generic enough. I think I can insert whoever you want.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think historically.

[Ed Septic]

Do as I say.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think we have. We have more. We have morons on both side of this.

[Ed Septic]

Both.

[Bob Kevoian]

Both sides of the aisle.

[Josh Arnold]

That's true, yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

If not dominating both sides of the aisle.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah, sure.

[Bob Kevoian]

That is kind of sad, isn't it?

[Christy Lee]

It's very sad.

[Bob Kevoian]

So what's the story in this umpire guy?

[Josh Arnold]

I don't know. He got hit in the head with a bat 24 days ago and he's still unconscious, God bless him. Wow. Like the. The batter swung on, it missed the ball, it flipped the bat around. He lost control of the bat as it went behind.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did the better go? He's out.

[Pat Godwin]

So are they all just standing there waiting for the game to continue?

[Josh Arnold]

See, now that's a good show. He's very, very out, Steich. That's what he gets for standing behind a guy who's going to hit a baseball.

[Pat Godwin]

You don't stand behind the guy.

[Kelsey Cook]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

What?

[Christy Lee]

But he was an umpire.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, it's not. Not for him, obviously.

[Christy Lee]

Where are you supposed to stand if you don't stand behind the guy hitting the base?

[Josh Arnold]

That's why we have robot umps, right, Tom? Yeah, darn right, right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do those guys wear helmets?

[Pat Godwin]

Wear catchers, masks.

[Josh Arnold]

I know that, but they won't wear helmets.

[Tom Griswold]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

Maybe they should.

[Josh Arnold]

This guy should have.

[Christy Lee]

Here, here we go.

[Josh Arnold]

Here he is now.

[Bob Kevoian]

See it?

[Josh Arnold]

They swing. Oh, it's a foul tip. Oh, yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't get why he's unconscious.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, here you do. Now he's on his ass.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, he swings.

[Ed Septic]

I'm saying.

[Bob Kevoian]

See, the guy lets go of the bat and it hit.

[Pat Godwin]

Why is he not unconscious now? Wasn't that bad.

[Bob Kevoian]

He's down.

[Christy Lee]

He's down.

[Josh Arnold]

It doesn't look like it hits him that hard.

[Christy Lee]

It doesn't.

[Josh Arnold]

It didn't look like it hit him.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm with you. It doesn't look like 24 day coma hard.

[Ed Septic]

It looks like right off the temple.

[Josh Arnold]

Wait a minute now. Can you tell how long is gonna be?

[Pat Godwin]

That's right.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know, you can, you can Bet on that. I'm one of those.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, hey, that's an 18 day coma.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I'm sure you could go online and bet on that now.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, that's a 30 day coma.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, you kid me. Won't be out longer than four days.

[Bob Kevoian]

Go to Cal. She put down a thousand bucks.

[Josh Arnold]

I got a 24 day call.

[Sam Miller]

Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, well, it's a bowel opening. We're going to try to get the

[Josh Arnold]

show back and just crack your pants like that.

[Bob Kevoian]

All bodily functions.

[Christopher]

We're coming right back in just a minute on the Best of the Bob and Tom show with comedian DJ Dangler, one of our favorites. He's coming up next. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Hope you're having a great Fourth of July weekend. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. It's the Best of the Bob and Tom Show. Here's the segment with comedian DJ Dangler

[Bob Kevoian]

joining us in the studio. It's DJ Dangler.

[Donnie Baker]

Hey.

[Chick McGee]

So good to see everyone.

[Christy Lee]

You too.

[Bob Kevoian]

Your beard is very aggressive.

[Josh Arnold]

No, no, no, no, it's glorious.

[Pat Godwin]

It's magnificent.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, it's, it's getting out of hand. Right?

[Pat Godwin]

I like it.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah. I'm not gonna lie. I was nervous bringing this in just because I know how much Christy hates it.

[Josh Arnold]

Sure. She really does.

[Bob Kevoian]

But you kind of shaved your head and you've got this glorious, aggressive jutting beard.

[Chick McGee]

It's. I find it easier as a person who doesn't like to speak to other people to have this face like this is not like a. Hey, I've got questions for. Not that guy.

[Josh Arnold]

That guy seems to have, yes.

[Chick McGee]

His stuff figured out. I don't, but I look like I

[Christy Lee]

to just let it keep growing like ZZ Top beers.

[Chick McGee]

I have no reason not to.

[Oscar]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Now see, that I think would be cool. Is that ender?

[Chick McGee]

So it's this part specifically you don't care for. Oh, that's great.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you just drink a milkshake or is that, is it turning white there?

[Chick McGee]

No, I'm, I'm, I'm aging.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, just below your lip. That's white hair.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

You know how your dogs get white faces? Same thing with people.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, good.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, I have it for sure.

[Chick McGee]

Go in white face. Not a problem. He gets mad about that.

[Josh Arnold]

Nobody cares.

[Kelsey Cook]

So.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I mean, I'm totally going to embrace it.

[Donnie Baker]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, dj, it's good to see you.

[Chick McGee]

It's good to be seen.

[Bob Kevoian]

And I, I agree with you. I think people, if there were 10 people standing at the mall, the last person they're going to ask anything of is you.

[Chick McGee]

It's super convenient.

[Ed Septic]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Like, it is. It is nice for me to not be perceived as friendly.

[Sam Miller]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

Like, because. Because I am friendly. Very easy to take advantage of.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

It was just one of those like. Like, yeah. But if you don't look, if you don't have anything worth stealing in your house, no one's going to break in. Does that make. And I think this is kind of letting you know, nothing in here you need to take.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's sort of saying, here's a guy who makes a lot of bad choices. I'm not going to ask him anything.

[Pat Godwin]

Now to get to the point where you're at now, how long did it take?

[Chick McGee]

Almost a full year. And I only know that because. Because the thing I had right before this was a full Hulk Hogan mustache. Which also says pretty much the same message with the fewer words.

[Christopher]

I see.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, now we were talking about food and ice cream that is part cinnamon toast crunch or no, pizza.

[Christy Lee]

That was cereal.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

The cereal is pizza flavored cinnamon toast crunch. And then is it greeters or graters?

[Josh Arnold]

Graters.

[Bob Kevoian]

Graters.

[Christy Lee]

Graters ice cream and skyline chili have combined to bring you a chili ice cream.

[Chick McGee]

Both of those ideas are. Are abominations like. Like both. But I'm going to say, like, I have quit making hardline stances on food because I'm wrong a lot.

[Josh Arnold]

I was just gonna say that.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I have enjoyed every breakfast pizza I've ever had in my life. And that includes pizza left over from the night before that wasn't intended for breakfast. But anything like, like, if somebody presents me a breakfast pizza, I. I'd be susp. I, like, I can't be suspicious. And like, it could have licorice on it. I'd be like, they might know what they're doing.

[Oscar]

I don't know.

[Josh Arnold]

We were dead set against the Krispy Kreme glazed donuts as buns on cheeseburgers and outrage until we. Until we bit into one. Holy hell.

[Bob Kevoian]

So we'll have to. We are making arrangements to try the pizza flavored ice cream.

[Christy Lee]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

As we speak.

[Pat Godwin]

It's a chili flavored ice cream and.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sorry, I'm getting him. See if I'm.

[Pat Godwin]

No, no, no, it's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's a lot of this going on. But yes, they must know that it does taste decent. Well, like, there's also stuff.

[Chick McGee]

There's stuff that's like, so weird that we just. I didn't know what pad Thai was the first Time I ate it. You know how hard it is to convince a white kid from Indiana that he just eat peanut butter and chicken?

[Pat Godwin]

No, you didn't.

[Chick McGee]

That's not a thing I just did on purpose like.

[Bob Kevoian]

But I loved it. We're trying to get hold of someone who's already tried. Tried the Skyline chili ice cream. In the meantime, we head back over to the SILAC insurance news desk with Christy Lee.

[Christy Lee]

Astronomers are calling on nations to ban advertising in space. The American Astronomical Society is calling for a global ban on obtrusive space advertising, saying that the ads would interfere with ground based astronomy. US Federal law defines obstrusive space advertising as advertising in outer space that is capable of being recognized by a human being on the surface of the Earth without the aid of a telescope or other technological device.

[Pat Godwin]

These nerds are saying, hey, we can't really study the stars if we've got a giant banner up there.

[Christy Lee]

Correct.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but where are we gonna get the money to study the stars?

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, I see.

[Josh Arnold]

That's right. Sell advertising.

[Bob Kevoian]

I've always been. I've always thought that NASA should have whatever Nike and the star side of the rocket.

[Christy Lee]

Swoosh.

[Tommy Brennan]

Sure.

[Pat Godwin]

One Russian rocket's one thing.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, yeah. One Russian company, Avant Space, has launched a small satellite to test technologies for a constellation of satellites that would move, maneuver and orbit, orbit in orbit and shine lasers to form logos on other images for advertisers. Yeah, it almost be like drones in

[Pat Godwin]

space that were collectives, kind of.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

They would make those like.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, I see. I was thinking, I was thinking like they could project onto the moon, whatever, you know, only fans or something.

[Pat Godwin]

And only fan sells itself.

[Josh Arnold]

Have you seen some of those? Drone. Those drone shows are amazing.

[Bob Kevoian]

They're great.

[Josh Arnold]

It's like cartoons in the sky.

[Christy Lee]

They're taking the place of fireworks because they're so incredible.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, they're also.

[Pat Godwin]

And Chinese kids are tired of losing their arms.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Thank you, Josh.

[Pat Godwin]

A lot of arms lost.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm not saying we're not gonna break a couple eggs.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm with you.

[Bob Kevoian]

But there was, there was one of those jokes just went. Yeah, one of the. What do you call it? Drone shows. You saw that a couple weeks ago. It was a. They had a problem with it.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Did not see the drones went crazy

[Pat Godwin]

and started attacking the viewers.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, well, that's kind of what happened. But yeah, I just saw one of those. They're amazing. But I am a tradition. I prefer fireworks. But obvious. Especially in places that are have fire issues. It's probably safer to have the drones.

[Oscar]

But.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, you prefer fireworks on. On the 4th of July. Right?

[Christy Lee]

And no other time.

[Kelsey Cook]

And.

[Josh Arnold]

And because sometimes they move them to the weekend and you.

[Bob Kevoian]

You missed the same people that want to move Christmas to a Monday aren't

[Josh Arnold]

aware there's no one who wants to do.

[Christy Lee]

You've said that drone celebration on the

[Chick McGee]

fourth of July sounds ominous, right? A big drone celebration on the 4th of July.

[Josh Arnold]

We would.

[Chick McGee]

Does not feel to me like a celebration of it.

[Bob Kevoian]

But.

[Josh Arnold]

But it seems like an invasion.

[Pat Godwin]

Right?

[Josh Arnold]

Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

But if you've seen them, I mean they, they can. They can have Yankee Doodle ride by in a horse. It's amazing what they do.

[Chick McGee]

I'm just saying I never played Space Invaders and I was like, no, this is going to be easy.

[Pat Godwin]

That game did teach us we have challenges ahead.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Centipede. I love that game. Centipede. You ever play Centipede?

[Pat Godwin]

I did play Centipede.

[Chick McGee]

Man.

[Josh Arnold]

That was a fast game.

[Pat Godwin]

Did you get to play it on the ball? That ruined the size of your hands.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Calluses.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, that's what you told your mother.

[Chick McGee]

I was like six or seven, I

[Josh Arnold]

don't know, aging my sister.

[Pat Godwin]

Masturbating

[Chick McGee]

and a centipede. I was a weird kid. I was a weird kid. I'm a leg man. What can I say?

[Josh Arnold]

I'm a leg man.

[Chick McGee]

Centipede had what I needed.

[Bob Kevoian]

Prediction. What is the first when they can advertise in space? What do you think will be the first thing?

[Pat Godwin]

Orbit's gum.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, that would actually be clever and appropriate. I think it'll be an attorney

[Christy Lee]

Hammer.

[Josh Arnold]

Get the hammer.

[Christy Lee]

Get the hammer.

[Bob Kevoian]

Back on Earth. I will get you money.

[Josh Arnold]

It's not. The only way they're. They're going to be successful is if something is projected on the moon. That's what people are. That's what they want. That's the indication. Okay.

[Christy Lee]

Can you imagine? Do you think we'll see that in our lifetime?

[Pat Godwin]

But who gets the. Who gets the revenue? The moon is owned by everybody.

[Chick McGee]

I assumed it was Batman.

[Josh Arnold]

Don't.

[Bob Kevoian]

Someone has actually claimed it.

[Josh Arnold]

The Chinese have a post up there too. I think.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think there's some indigenous people that have claimed that they own the moon.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Because that from the moon indigenous to

[Josh Arnold]

somewhere on Earth, but not, we've learned, not America.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm not sure. I'm not sure if that'll hold up.

[Christy Lee]

Only if they could prove they're from the moon. Would it be there?

[Bob Kevoian]

Who knows?

[Pat Godwin]

They should start selling parcels of the moon.

[Christy Lee]

They should. Oh, I'm sure somebody is.

[Josh Arnold]

I'd buy some land on the moon.

[Bob Kevoian]

They made a really bad TV show last year with that theme.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, really?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, really not good. Had a great art direction where they were driving around in funky old cars.

[Josh Arnold]

You know what? He's. He's absolutely right. It looked great, but there was nothing.

[Bob Kevoian]

I forget what. It was terrible.

[Josh Arnold]

Tomorrowland or something.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, it was awful.

[Pat Godwin]

It's like the hot girl at the bar is. Looks real good, but not a lot there.

[Ally Breen]

All right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

But you still take her into the bathroom and.

[Josh Arnold]

That's Right. Wait till. Wait till she talks. Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

To me, the greatest bank. The greatest two, I guess sort of space advertisements are the Goodyear Blimp.

[Josh Arnold]

You're counting that as space?

[Bob Kevoian]

Sure.

[Josh Arnold]

All right.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean where you have to look. And the Bat Signal.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Neither are space advertising.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. Batman's not advertising. He's needed.

[Josh Arnold]

When they see if you're expecting that, that's not a space advertising.

[Bob Kevoian]

The problem with the Bat Signal is what if it's not cloudy? What if it's a clear night? What do you. What do you project?

[Chick McGee]

I like to think you just hope that on a clear night criminals have better things to do. They're out enjoying their lives.

[Pat Godwin]

Exactly. At a ball game.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna steal somebody's wallet if it's not raining.

[Sam Miller]

Okay.

[Pat Godwin]

Gotham City. A bit like Seattle.

[Bob Kevoian]

You never see anybody in Gotham wearing a bikini.

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Christopher]

No.

[Chick McGee]

You don't hanging out unless they're fighting crime in it.

[Pat Godwin]

Right.

[Chick McGee]

This is my karate bikini.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm Batman.

[Bob Kevoian]

We're making some progress here.

[Donnie Baker]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

What else is happening?

[Christy Lee]

Christie, have you ever heard of the term pigxiety?

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Ed Septic]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Heard it.

[Josh Arnold]

I wrote it.

[Christy Lee]

According to a new survey, a majority of Americans struggle with something called pee anxiety.

[Pat Godwin]

I have this.

[Christy Lee]

You do? You can't pee on demand.

[Christopher]

Oh, no.

[Pat Godwin]

I thought it was when you get nervous. When the hooker's about to pee on you.

[Chick McGee]

I thought the same. Yeah, I thought the same.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. It's like, is it going to be

[Christy Lee]

the toilet research or the toilet research?

[Chick McGee]

That is the worst game you can get into if you're a college football team.

[Christy Lee]

The Talker research poll of 2,000 US adults concluded on behalf of Angel Soft Toilet Paper. That's where my confusion was found that over 50% of folks suffer from so called pxiety.

[Pat Godwin]

We've all frozen up at a urinal, right?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. So if you're in a public place.

[Christy Lee]

An anxiety that strikes when people feel stuck in a situation that keeps them away from the bathroom for a long period of time.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, that's a different thing.

[Christy Lee]

90% of people reported holding off on going to the bathroom. So. So they don't miss out on something exciting or important.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

35% of those polled said they have missed important life moments because they needed to rush off to the bathroom.

[Tommy Brennan]

What?

[Christy Lee]

Including their child's first steps, an epic concert finale, and a once in a lifetime photo op.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, sure.

[Bob Kevoian]

You're going to the bathroom and you miss them. Hey, you should have been here.

[Christy Lee]

Worst times to need a bathroom break. What would be the worst time for

[Pat Godwin]

you when you're sleeping? This isn't like, the middle of sex. Oh, that'd be terrible.

[Christy Lee]

It happens during intimate moments. 30%. There you go.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I had, like, if this is like a personal story, but I can remember I was like, 19 or 20, and I took all of my nephews who were like 6 and 7 to go see the new Star wars, and like an idiot, I bought them all giant sodas, and I got to watch about 25 minutes of episode two, which is all a year.

[Pat Godwin]

Really want, but still.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I was gonna say, like, I

[Chick McGee]

didn't miss out, but I was mad at the time. Looking back, that time was probably more valuable.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean, there. We talked about this a couple years ago. There is an app that you can put on your phone, and then when you. If you go to a movie in a movie theater, it tells you when you can pee. And while you're peeing, it tells you what you're missing.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

So it has specific. Hey, at whatever. At minute 47, this is. There's five minutes of nothing. Nothing. Go now.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. 25% of those surveyed said the middle of a movie is one of them.

[Ed Septic]

It's.

[Pat Godwin]

It's a. It's a given for me now.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, really?

[Pat Godwin]

Yes. I used to be able to sit there and not have to pee. And now. Well, you guys know the amount of water I drink every day, too.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Chick McGee]

I can't go to a theater without getting a great big icy. And that's one of those, like, I'm gonna. This is gonna.

[Pat Godwin]

You're an icy guy at the theater.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah, I am. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

My husband, to me, the worst to me was on an airplane.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that's not on here.

[Pat Godwin]

I like it because actually stand up

[Bob Kevoian]

and what if you can't, though? What if you're on a long flight and the seat belt signs up?

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, I don't care about that.

[Christy Lee]

I don't either.

[Bob Kevoian]

You get scolded by the flight.

[Pat Godwin]

I have gotten scolded. I just take the scolding.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I don't.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't say anything back.

[Josh Arnold]

I just pee in her ear.

[Christy Lee]

The number one worst time to need a bathroom break was stuck in traffic by 40%.

[Pat Godwin]

That's brutal.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, I've been there during long car rides.

[Josh Arnold]

That's why you keep a cup in the.

[Pat Godwin]

You know what? I'm gonna stop at the next exit. When you go past that exit and it's a TR Traffic jam.

[Bob Kevoian]

In my never ending effort to annoy us.

[Donnie Baker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

This will be very annoying.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay, I'm sorry.

[Bob Kevoian]

I apologize in advance because no one else will relate to this.

[Josh Arnold]

No, I was in Paris one day on a chairlift.

[Bob Kevoian]

You're right, Josh.

[Josh Arnold]

I was on a chairlift.

[Bob Kevoian]

On a chairlift.

[Josh Arnold]

Son of a.

[Bob Kevoian]

Where you really have to pee.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And it stops.

[Pat Godwin]

Let me ask you this.

[Bob Kevoian]

Three quarters of the way up, it's freezing cold.

[Pat Godwin]

Can you write your name from that height?

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, my God. I'm sure someone. I'm sure there is someone that has actually just let it rip.

[Josh Arnold]

Your pants would freeze. Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

You'd have. But I mean, if you're stuck. I've been stuck for. It was almost an hour one time.

[Pat Godwin]

See, I'd be afraid that I would pee. I'd just let it loose, and then I would pee on a wolf and the wolf would go, you know, I was gonna leave you alone as soon as you're off that thing.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm taking it personal.

[Pat Godwin]

My friends and I.

[Josh Arnold]

I don't like

[Christy Lee]

the mind goes him dark.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm a weirdo.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't like the word P. Zion, though.

[Josh Arnold]

P. Ziety sounds too fun.

[Chick McGee]

It sounds like they're afraid to show in pizzazz.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Would you see a Broadway musical called Pxiety?

[Josh Arnold]

I would not.

[Bob Kevoian]

They did Urine Luck.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, they did Urine Town, which was good. I actually got very dragged to that and enjoyed it.

[Christy Lee]

Well, coming up, we'll talk about the best and worst times to go to the bathrooms during the super bowl, since that's right around the corner.

[Christopher]

Huh?

[Christy Lee]

If you're.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah. And that's one of those cases where people don't necessarily want to pee during the commercial break, Right?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. They don't want to miss a spot because the spots are all on the

[Ed Septic]

Internet two weeks in a row.

[Pat Godwin]

Or two weeks before.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, no, there's that. Your criticism.

[Oscar]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

They've ruined it, haven't they? Used to be.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know, something I actually complete. I do agree with you. I like. I like Watching the Super bowl commercials, then you can talk about them the next day. But if they've been on the Internet for. Yeah, two weeks.

[Christy Lee]

Yep.

[Bob Kevoian]

Will there be any. That will be a surprise. Do we. Do we already have a preview of what's going to be the biggest commercial? Already are the.

[Pat Godwin]

I know that there's a reunion between Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, really?

[Pat Godwin]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

I hope they have a. One of those labels for Meg Ryan so we can tell it's her.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, she's lovely. How about the horses? Are they going to be. Do we have the Clydesdales coming back?

[Josh Arnold]

Yes, the Clydesdales will be back.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay. Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

No, I don't know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Then all was right with the world. Oh, you don't know.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm trying to make you happy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay. Okay, good. Oh, it's very hard to.

[Josh Arnold]

Clydesdales and something else.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

A.

[Josh Arnold]

A golden retriever.

[Oscar]

Oh.

[Josh Arnold]

In the same commercial, one of them

[Pat Godwin]

gets stomped to death.

[Josh Arnold]

And golden retriever puppies.

[Christopher]

Yeah. We're rocking again on the Bob and Tom show here on a Monday morning. Coming up next, Tommy Brennan, comedian. Come on back for that here on the Bob and Tom show. It's the best of the Bob and Tom show on a Monday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Glad to be here. Here's a segment with another great. Come Tommy Brennan.

[Josh Arnold]

Tom's here and with our special guest.

[Bob Kevoian]

I just noticed something.

[Josh Arnold]

All right.

[Bob Kevoian]

This room is as colorful as it's been in ages.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, that's because you don't like color.

[Bob Kevoian]

But that came off wrong.

[Pat Godwin]

Not really.

[Bob Kevoian]

Nope.

[Josh Arnold]

That was accurate. Might have been the truest thing I've ever said.

[Bob Kevoian]

53ch.

[Chick McGee]

Blacks out.

[Josh Arnold]

For sure. You like blacks and grays and browns and sepia.

[Bob Kevoian]

But you go around the room. I've got like on black, black and dark blue. Aces wearing all black. You're wearing gray and black. Then we get to guest comedian Tommy Brennan. That jacket, like yellow, red, blue. Yeah, that.

[Sam Miller]

You.

[Bob Kevoian]

You look like you're going sailing in 1981.

[Tommy Brennan]

I'm starting to think I've got some attention seeking behavior.

[Pat Godwin]

Peacocking over there, maybe?

[Tommy Brennan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And then Willie's got a swan swath of. Of yellow and green. And then if you want advice about

[Chick McGee]

attention seeking behavior, my therapist is great.

[Pat Godwin]

He can really help you out.

[Tommy Brennan]

Incredible.

[Bob Kevoian]

Ms. Hooker's got kind of a. A blue.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, Lovely. Sky blue.

[Bob Kevoian]

And then. And then Josh has on a red check flannel.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Friday, Josh is real dumb. Josh.

[Chick McGee]

I. I don't think it's something.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think you're handsome. And I'm telling you this, with that flannel and that mustache, they are so

[Pat Godwin]

certain parts of both.

[Tom Griswold]

The.

[Chick McGee]

Both females, but also within the gay community, I think you would just be cleaning up.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah, thanks. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Very into the firefighter type.

[Pat Godwin]

The bear type.

[Josh Arnold]

Looking very strong.

[Pat Godwin]

Right?

[Josh Arnold]

Bear type. Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

I always find it very flattering when I'm hit on by a gay dude.

[Tommy Brennan]

Absolutely.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Ed Septic]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm not one to. I'm not gay, so I don't accept, you know, any offers, but I certainly am flattered every time. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

What about the next morning when you wake up there? You continue to say.

[Pat Godwin]

Saying, say hala. Remember, remember, I'm not gay.

[Josh Arnold]

I'm not gay.

[Pat Godwin]

I just really enjoy your penis in my pocket.

[Bob Kevoian]

And thank you.

[Josh Arnold]

I mean, really thank you.

[Bob Kevoian]

And thank you for the pizza.

[Sam Miller]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

A great pizza place.

[Bob Kevoian]

I have. I have a couple letters here.

[Josh Arnold]

Sound system.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, we had the new story about the. The world record in which the guy was put in a straight jacket.

[Josh Arnold]

Back to that.

[Bob Kevoian]

And he just. Our letter writer has a point. We don't have to see the video.

[Josh Arnold]

I think we do. I love the video. It's the best part of it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Other guys in the. This, like, wooden phone booth like, thing. He's in a racetrack. He's trying to get out of a straight jacket.

[Josh Arnold]

He's in the straight jacket in the box, trying to get out of everything.

[Bob Kevoian]

Guys driving at him in a BMW. And he gets out at the last second, jumps to the side, and the thing explodes.

[Josh Arnold]

Very exciting.

[Bob Kevoian]

But you'll notice that the. Our letter writer. Dear Bob and Tom, I noticed that he's wearing a white straight jacket. I've noticed this. Straight jackets are always white. How do you stay, in fact, after Labor Day?

[Pat Godwin]

That is a good question.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's a fair question.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. And the old booby hatch.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. The old nut house.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm sorry.

[Josh Arnold]

Old Crazy Acres.

[Pat Godwin]

Now, sometimes they're striped. You've seen them especially in like. Like Arkham Asylum, I think.

[Josh Arnold]

I believe Scarecrow was in a striped straight jacket.

[Bob Kevoian]

And then this letter references the story about the woman whose actual name is Su Bang. S O, O, N, the new word. B, A, N G. And Ms. Bang, charged with operating a brothel in New Jersey. And our letter says she obviously has the slogan, you get the most bang for your buck, which I think is lovely. Thank you very much. But right now it's time to. Speaking of objects in the body, we have this delightful story.

[Pat Godwin]

All right.

[Tom Griswold]

A man in Vietnam is lucky to be alive.

[Christy Lee]

5.

[Tom Griswold]

After a live eel he inserted into his anus punctured his colon.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow. It did what to his colon?

[Christy Lee]

Puncture, punctured.

[Bob Kevoian]

So I'm assuming it means it bit.

[Tom Griswold]

Well, it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, it will.

[Tom Griswold]

We'll get there. The Straits Times Ironic reports that the 31 year old Indian national was hospitalized last month for severe abdominal pain. Doctors learned that the man had inserted a large eel into his anus.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, he tried the. I don't know what it is, doc. Oh, you know what? It might be that eel I shoved in there.

[Pat Godwin]

I'll be honest, I'm not going to judge a man who puts an eel in his anus.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, all right.

[Pat Godwin]

That's amore. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Amore is a more. Is a more, baby.

[Bob Kevoian]

Delightful.

[Josh Arnold]

Delightful.

[Tom Griswold]

During emergency surgery, they discovered the nearly 26 inch long eel.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, what the hell is this?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that's.

[Tommy Brennan]

That's big.

[Pat Godwin]

You know, I think we found your answer, sir.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. Do you remember putting an eel in your ass? Do you remember?

[Bob Kevoian]

It's about to get worse.

[Tom Griswold]

They discovered that the eel had bitten through the patient's rectum and colon to escape into the abdominal cavity.

[Josh Arnold]

I would, I would imagine that the eel doesn't care for this. Wouldn't you think?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, it wants out.

[Tom Griswold]

Hold on. But after removing the eel, the doctors also extracted a limb lemon through the anus.

[Pat Godwin]

A garnish of.

[Bob Kevoian]

Gotta season it, Josh.

[Tom Griswold]

Lemons, you know, you gotta.

[Christy Lee]

A lemon.

[Pat Godwin]

Tell me, Brennan, your thoughts on this.

[Tommy Brennan]

Well, I'm wondering is, does the lemon. Was that like bait for the eel?

[Pat Godwin]

Right, right.

[Tom Griswold]

True.

[Ally Breen]

It's.

[Tom Griswold]

It was not clear how and when the lemon had been inserted into the man's wreck.

[Tommy Brennan]

Maybe a lead blocker.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know, maybe he put the. Maybe he put the eel in. Okay, he would. He.

[Josh Arnold]

No, no, he went to lemon and then he sent the eel in to get the lemon.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, well, I think. I think Tommy's on to something here. You put the lemon in to keep things open. Cuz the eel won't want to. Won't try to get in. You have to slide it in.

[Tommy Brennan]

It's kind of like, you know, when sloth and the Goonies holds the. The boulder up so that everyone absolutely get through.

[Ed Septic]

Right.

[Tommy Brennan]

It's the same thing, the lemon. I don't know.

[Pat Godwin]

Shove them back there. Yeah. Figure something out.

[Bob Kevoian]

Boy, aren't you glad you didn't wake up this morning thinking, you know something? I think two beers and an eel and a lemon. It is Friday.

[Tommy Brennan]

I hate when they use teeth, you know?

[Ed Septic]

Yes.

[Josh Arnold]

If it's a lemon, we're gonna have to get a shandy. I would think. Summer. Summer shandy.

[Donnie Baker]

Right, right.

[Josh Arnold]

Lining. Cool.

[Ally Breen]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sours before five.

[Donnie Baker]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Not the season for shandy. Our guest, Willie G. Pat.

[Pat Godwin]

Do you have a song about the eel?

[Ed Septic]

You do?

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, we could do something like that.

[Josh Arnold]

I think. Yeah, I think he does. Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

So I'd like to know where you got the more.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'd like to know where you got the more. Heel in the butt, baby.

[Pat Godwin]

Thank you very much, everybody.

[Josh Arnold]

We're carrying him out on our shoulders.

[Bob Kevoian]

No verse. Talked about no verse. Hey, what's going. Okay, let's find out more about our guest. Tommy and Tommy, you're huge family. Eight kids, right?

[Tommy Brennan]

Big family. Yeah. Eight kids.

[Bob Kevoian]

Would your parents. Interesting jobs of any kind?

[Tommy Brennan]

Mom. Mom's stay at home. Mom, Dad's a dog doctor.

[Kelsey Cook]

Oh.

[Tommy Brennan]

Kind of fun. Yeah. Because I don't have health insurance, so that's a good. It's a good relationship. He's like, I don't believe in your career. I'm like, me too. Right, Right back at you. It was. Yeah. My dad's a doctor.

[Bob Kevoian]

We. We.

[Tommy Brennan]

Everything was at home for us. You know, if you have, like, if, you know, medical people, they don't really believe in health care, so everything was at home. The operation, stitches. I got stitches two times on our kitchen table. That's not. That's got to be.

[Kelsey Cook]

Be.

[Tommy Brennan]

Malpractice. Wasn't sterile. My dad would clear off the mail and be like, get up there. Also, I was conceived, but I die hard, you know? Yeah, yeah, it was. It was a fun time. Never went to a doctor. Still don't really know how to behave. When I go, it's like a stranger.

[Pat Godwin]

Sure.

[Tommy Brennan]

He's like, do you smoke? I'm like, are you going to tell mom? I'm scared.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know, that's.

[Ed Septic]

That's.

[Josh Arnold]

That is very awkward.

[Tommy Brennan]

Yeah. Yeah. My dad and I, we're.

[Chick McGee]

We're good.

[Tommy Brennan]

It's. You know, I still use them for, like, medical care, though. But it's just. It's a weird. That's a weird relationship to have with your primary care physician. He'll tell me to drink less. I'm like, you, you gotta hug more. Let's treat the root cause, not the symptom.

[Bob Kevoian]

And by the way.

[Josh Arnold]

Way.

[Bob Kevoian]

Just a little word of warning. You're getting to the age where.

[Tommy Brennan]

Oh, I know. I gotta get a new one before then.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Tommy Brennan]

Otherwise I'm gonna send an eel up there.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, maybe. Time. That is an awkward day.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christopher]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Especially if it begins with, what's your mom's name?

[Tommy Brennan]

Aaron.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hey, Aaron. I'm out of gloves. You got those ones you use in the dishwasher?

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

I'd wash the table off real quick if I were.

[Bob Kevoian]

Last week, this show emanated from Iowa. We had a great time. Time. We also sold a bunch of shirts and we're gonna give the money to the Stead family children's hospital. I think we're having number on that. I guess by Monday, I know it's approaching $9,000. Is that right? 10,000. Oh, cool. Well, great. We're doing a new shirt. We got a couple visits coming in honor of the baseball season. We're going to be visiting Cincinnati and Toledo, Ohio, and we will have some very special shirts.

[Christopher]

Shirts.

[Bob Kevoian]

And again, once again, donating the money to a children's hospital in those towns. So we'll be letting you know about all that coming up. You ever been to Iowa, by the way, Tommy?

[Tommy Brennan]

I have, yeah. Last time I was in Iowa, I really embarrassed myself. Oh, I. We were. We were doing a show and I don't know, I got some like, road. Road jokes that like plug and play. I almost said it.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

I was like, like, this story's gonna be rad.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, my God.

[Oscar]

No, I.

[Tommy Brennan]

You know, I got like some plug and play jokes where you make fun of the town nearby. And, you know, and I asked. I was in Dubuque and I asked for a town to make fun of. And this. This bartender said Waterloo. So I get on stage and I take four or five swings at Waterloo. Really bombing. Yeah, like missing big. Can't figure it out. And then I get off stage and my buddy Tim Smith, who was headlining, he stops me on the way off stage. She goes, hey, Waterloo is the only historically black town in Iowa.

[Pat Godwin]

Crazy.

[Tommy Brennan]

So the bartender completely screwed me over. I was up there looking so racist. I was saying stuff like, go back to Waterloo. If I wanted to dive in overdose, I'd move to Waterloo. All this crazy stuff. And she didn't get what I was going for. She was black and from Waterloo. And I was like, you see what I look like?

[Chick McGee]

You.

[Tommy Brennan]

You can't tell me that.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, it was.

[Tommy Brennan]

Yeah, that was a nightmare. I haven't been back to Iowa since.

[Christopher]

We are returning with more of the best of the Bob and Tom show coming up next hour. Kissing girls and Ali Breen with sexy. Time might not be any difference there, but drug dealer pets are next. So come on back. This is the Bob. Tom. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show on a Monday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob And Tom Studios, we're doing the best of the Bob and Tom show. The gang is back tomorrow morning. Drug dealer pets is the subject of this segment. And Ed Septic, stop spot.

[Josh Arnold]

Hello, Tom.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hello, Chick Magee.

[Josh Arnold]

What's cooking over there?

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, we received some letters about marijuana deal, particularly back in the day when it was all underground. And the penchant, if you will, for them to have exotic pets.

[Josh Arnold]

So far we've had an albino skunk. We had an alligator. This morning we had a bobcat, a pot belly pig who would drink and smoke. By the way, three emus. And our latest letter. My late father was an avid listener to your show. And I listen when I have a job that I can. My father was a drug dealer. Dealer. Preach, brother. He told me about a parrot he had before I was born. It would say things like, want to get high? And stash it under the couch.

[Tom Griswold]

Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

God, is that funny.

[Josh Arnold]

If the parrot saw him prepping it, he would start defecating all over. The parrot, not the father.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thank you for the clarity.

[Josh Arnold]

That's not why he got rid of it, though. He got rid of it because the parrot asked my grandma to get high and she was not his hip.

[Bob Kevoian]

That is.

[Josh Arnold]

That is a great. That is, Ray. My father was a drug dealer, and I'm a bass player.

[Pat Godwin]

That's amazing.

[Josh Arnold]

There you go.

[Oscar]

Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now, your father was a drug dealer as well.

[Josh Arnold]

Y.

[Bob Kevoian]

What was his specialty?

[Josh Arnold]

Do you know? The. The reefer? The.

[Tom Griswold]

It was a side hustle. He had a straight job, too.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, yeah. The rolled cigarettes, things like that. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did he ever smoke them in front of you?

[Josh Arnold]

Not in front of me. No. I don't remember that smell from my childhood. But he. He would prepare them and he was

[Bob Kevoian]

selling Single Lucy's, if you will.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yes.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Josh Arnold]

Sure.

[Christy Lee]

All right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Right now, I believe we go to the big screen and there you. Oh, there we go, up on the big screen. I see him right now. It said Septic. Good morning, Ed.

[Ed Septic]

That's right, it's Septic. AKA your wife's favorite plumber.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, hi, Ed.

[Ed Septic]

AKA the plumber. Don't give a flush.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thank you, Ed.

[Ed Septic]

I heard you guys talk about them exotic animals at your drug dealer's house. I one time went to buy weed and the guy had a kangaroo. He'd put it in the pouch and he'd hop the drugs right over to you.

[Pat Godwin]

How about that?

[Ed Septic]

You were talking. I heard you say about the guy had the parrot. I had a friend, same problem. My buddy Joel had an African gray parrot, which, if you're a drug dealer, you do not want to have a parent parrot. Oh, he got busted. Parrot ratted him out. Yeah, drugs are under the couch block. Oh, man, you should have seen that thing on the stand. Took the oath and everything.

[Josh Arnold]

He took the parrot, took the oath.

[Ed Septic]

That's right. That's right.

[Josh Arnold]

I'll be dagger.

[Oscar]

My.

[Ed Septic]

My dealer's always in his boxers. He ain't got no exotic pets, but every once in a while, I get an accidental view of his feral hog, so to speak. In all my years of buying weed, I have not come across too many ex. Exotic animals. What? I have come across a lot of pit bulls.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Septic]

Apparently, you get a free pit bull puppy when you buy your first QP course here at Septic Plumbing Service and Supply. Drug test all my employees. That way I know who's got the best hookup. Last week, I called Brad and I was like, brad, you tested positive for speed, weed, uppers, downers, Valium, vicodin, Valtrex, Viagra, MDMA, MDA, DXM2CB, and ibuprofen.

[Sam Miller]

Wow.

[Ed Septic]

He's like, am I fired? I was like, hell, no. You got the best plug of all my employees. Hook a brother up. All right, I better get going. These toilets ain't gonna snake themselves. Have a good one.

[Bob Kevoian]

Bad septic. Remember, he'll bang your. What is it? He'll bang your pipes, but not your wife. Thank you, Whit. It's always a great pleasure. Over there. I see that lady. She's at the Silac Insurance. The news desk. It's not Christy Lee Christie's on vacation. I believe she's in Key west right now.

[Pat Godwin]

How about that?

[Bob Kevoian]

It's Jess Hooker. Just what's going on over there?

[Tom Griswold]

If you're having trouble getting to bed at night, sleep experts say it might have something to do with your diet.

[Pat Godwin]

Is that right?

[Tom Griswold]

Dr. Dan Gartenberg, a sleep health advisor for CPAP.com told Fox News Digital that eating chocolate, candy, citrus fruits, or spicy foods before bed can make it difficult for you. You to get. For your body to get a helpful sleep.

[Josh Arnold]

I like a nice Dove bar and a glass of orange juice.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is the chocolate just the caffeine?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, there's. There's caffeine in cocoa from whatever.

[Pat Godwin]

Everything that's on that list. I won't eat past, like, 2pm because it's more of an acid reflux.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, a lot of those cause bad dreams for me, so I don't eat those.

[Pat Godwin]

That's been around forever. That spicy food gives you weird or bad dreams.

[Tom Griswold]

Chinese food for me. I don't know if it's the msg, but it's very specific to Chinese.

[Pat Godwin]

Interesting.

[Bob Kevoian]

I got the same thing with Chinese food.

[Kelsey Cook]

Wow.

[Josh Arnold]

Really?

[Tom Griswold]

He said alcohol, caffeinated coffee and tea as well as decaf coffee should all be avoided before bedtime.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, it's the only thing that works sometimes.

[Josh Arnold]

Alcohol.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but.

[Pat Godwin]

But you don't get that quality rem. I don't care.

[Josh Arnold]

Just knock me out.

[Bob Kevoian]

But I mean, who wants a. A bedtime snack of leafy greens and yogurt, right?

[Tom Griswold]

If you want to improve your sleep, decaffeinated teas, fermented foods, cheeses and legumes can help you sleep and relax.

[Pat Godwin]

Interesting.

[Bob Kevoian]

I voice on chocolate covered Ambien.

[Pat Godwin]

That seems to help for you.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. And especially if you have a big meeting, come up on up the next day and you're nervous about it, you'll totally forget it.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Benadryl, anybody here on the magnesium? Yes, it works, doesn't it?

[Tom Griswold]

Magnesium works. And extra sleepy time tea.

[Pat Godwin]

I love the extra sleepy time.

[Josh Arnold]

I like the extra sleepy time because it has a little bear drowsy on the front.

[Pat Godwin]

Very cute bear. The extra part. What's in there?

[Josh Arnold]

I like.

[Pat Godwin]

There's sleepy time. Yeah. And then there's extra. So it's just a sleepy time extra strength.

[Tom Griswold]

Lavender.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think the extra sleepy time. More morphine for your sleeping and dining pleasure.

[Tom Griswold]

Valerian root.

[Oscar]

Oh yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's where Valium came from.

[Josh Arnold]

Have you ever seen on the Internet? Every now and then they'll put up cough syrup from the 1900s.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Just insanity.

[Josh Arnold]

And it's like morphine.

[Tom Griswold]

It is.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Codeine. It's nuts.

[Tom Griswold]

All the good deans.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, all the. All the good white powder. Crazy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you ever do the thing where you took cigarettes and dipped them in paregoric?

[Josh Arnold]

No, but I've heard tell of that

[Bob Kevoian]

and I have heard.

[Kelsey Cook]

What is that?

[Sam Miller]

That?

[Bob Kevoian]

Do I. I don't know if it does. It was in some. It was in some novel I was reading and I thought it sounded like an interesting. Where do you get parag?

[Pat Godwin]

Where did you get paragoric?

[Bob Kevoian]

That was an old. Wasn't that a stomach.

[Pat Godwin]

Stomach? Yeah, My. My mom.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that was kind of. My mom would.

[Tom Griswold]

That was like an upset stomach. You would take that?

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't know if that's an opiate or what, but in the. In the novel, the guy keeps dipping cigarettes and paregoric drying them out and smoking. Smoking them a fairly exotic way. So the the larger point about this is you're not supposed to. What is it? No alcohol. Caffeine. That seems obvious. Or alcohol.

[Josh Arnold]

Caffeine.

[Tom Griswold]

Chocolate, citrus, spicy foods.

[Bob Kevoian]

But doesn't the alcohol help you go to sleep?

[Pat Godwin]

Yes, but you don't get quality.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, but you're gonna wake up a lot.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

That's what's in nyquil, right?

[Oscar]

Alcohol.

[Bob Kevoian]

There's also some other things.

[Pat Godwin]

Who cares about the other thing?

[Josh Arnold]

Can you have alcohol now?

[Pat Godwin]

Pat, I don't drink alcohol now.

[Josh Arnold]

Or I mean the nyquil. I meant nyquil. You can.

[Pat Godwin]

I have friends in the program that have taken. That's the alcohol. They have taken medicine and went, oh, no. And they've puked it up.

[Josh Arnold]

No kidding.

[Tom Griswold]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

That's a big no.

[Chick McGee]

No.

[Josh Arnold]

All right.

[Bob Kevoian]

What about a red wine enema?

[Pat Godwin]

Is that okay? Because you're not technically drinking it.

[Tom Griswold]

Gives it to him.

[Pat Godwin]

That was in private.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm very lonely and horny.

[Pat Godwin]

Very lonely and horny.

[Josh Arnold]

Of all the things we've said, you take exception with the boyfriend giving you an enema. Okay.

[Ed Septic]

Have you had one?

[Pat Godwin]

From my boyfriend. We've all heard.

[Josh Arnold]

Nobody know.

[Pat Godwin]

Straw. That's going to break the camera. You know, it's always fascinating, Will.

[Josh Arnold]

I thought I cornered the market on unreasonable behavior.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, we're all there.

[Ed Septic]

It's.

[Bob Kevoian]

No. Remember there was. Was a big thing in the Internet a couple years ago, the coffee enema.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. That's awful.

[Josh Arnold]

Didn't that start as.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wait a minute. Hold on.

[Tom Griswold]

I did it.

[Bob Kevoian]

You did a coffee enema multiple times. Decaf or regular?

[Tom Griswold]

You'll only do caffeinated one time before. You won't do it again.

[Bob Kevoian]

It keeps. Keeps your ass up all night.

[Josh Arnold]

It hits you hard.

[Pat Godwin]

Why would you do the decaf, though?

[Tom Griswold]

I don't. Because it's. It's the medicinal properties of the coffee bean.

[Pat Godwin]

It's not the caffeine. We can't just. We can't lie about it. You and I did try it one day. I administered it to you and you went, ah. And I said, what's the matter? Too hot?

[Bob Kevoian]

No, too sweet.

[Josh Arnold]

That's right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but you guys should be involved. Put some Splenda in that thing.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

You.

[Bob Kevoian]

You brute.

[Josh Arnold]

Didn't the coffee enema start out as like a cure for cancer or something?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I think it was kind of

[Tom Griswold]

like people are trying to flush their system.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Leotril and a bunch of other fake snake oil things that morons do.

[Josh Arnold]

Have you ever had a colonic or a high colonic?

[Oscar]

No,

[Bob Kevoian]

no, no. That's taking. Well, I Don't know.

[Josh Arnold]

What's a high colonic? Oh, it's a higher up than a regular.

[Tom Griswold]

They hold it up like here and they.

[Bob Kevoian]

What are they?

[Josh Arnold]

I think.

[Bob Kevoian]

I think they put the enema bag in the ground and they have people come and stomp on it. So pretty soon. Pretty soon you've got it coming up your throat.

[Josh Arnold]

Does your boyfriend do that?

[Tommy Brennan]

Not yet.

[Sam Miller]

Yet?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, you got to tell them what you want.

[Pat Godwin]

I should.

[Christy Lee]

I think.

[Josh Arnold]

I believe.

[Bob Kevoian]

Aren't the coffee enemas technically dangerous?

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah, they are. They're.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean, did you go to a. Did you go to some kind of a spa to do this?

[Tom Griswold]

Nope. Bought a kit, did it at home.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now, dumb question. Temperature wise, is the coffee.

[Ally Breen]

You.

[Tom Griswold]

You brew the coffee the way you would and it's. And it is a medicinal grade coffee. It's green coffee beans. The beans haven't even been.

[Bob Kevoian]

But do you have. You have to make sure it's not too hot. I mean, literally, you do.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah. You have to let it come to room temperature.

[Pat Godwin]

I. Did you use a funnel?

[Tom Griswold]

It's. Yeah. I mean, it's the same principle as any colonic. Like, you've got to hold it up and the water goes in.

[Pat Godwin]

What's this?

[Bob Kevoian]

What is the spout like?

[Tom Griswold]

It's just the end of a tube.

[Pat Godwin]

Did anyone help you?

[Tom Griswold]

No, I was alone.

[Pat Godwin]

You know, I tried the coffee.

[Bob Kevoian]

You could have called.

[Pat Godwin]

I tried doing this, but they asked me to leave. Denny's.

[Josh Arnold]

Have a. I'll have the grand slam.

[Pat Godwin]

The Rudy Judy Fresh up my booty.

[Christopher]

We have a segment with Ally Breen coming up next. Ally Breen with sexy Time. Come on back for that here on the Bob and Tom Show.

[Sam Miller]

Have you ever had one of those days when nothing goes right? Your wife stops bitching bout whatever it was she was bitching about last night. So you escape into the bathroom just to sit there on your throne. But after you finish your business, the toilet paper's gone. Well, well, it's a great day for me to whoop somebody's ass. It's a bad day so you better get off my back. You might get cold cocked if you cross my path. Cause it's a great day for me to whoop somebody's ass. Well, I was running late for work so I poured me some coffee to go. And just before I had a flat tie I spilled it all over my clothes. When the highway patrolman pulled up I thought that help was on the way. But when he saw the tire tool in my. He shot me with pepper spray. Well, it's a great day for me to whoop somebody's ass? It's a bad day so you better get off my back? You might get cold cocked if you cross my path? Cause it's a great day I'm for me to whoop somebody's ass. When I finally made it to work I was 15 minutes late. I told my boss about the flat tire but he fired me anyway. So here I am out in the parking lot just waiting by his call. Man I'm gonna give him a goodbye present that he never will forget. Let's sign it together? Cause it's a great day for me to whoop somebody's ass. It's a bad day so you better get off my back? You might get cold Cox if you cross my path? Cause it's a great day for me to whoop somebody's ass.

[Christopher]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show on a Monday. This is the best of the Bob and Tom show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a great segment with Hallie Breen and sexy time.

[Josh Arnold]

Here we are, we're ready for our weekly feature where. Where I'm amazed there hasn't been gun play yet. It's sexy time. Right, Tom?

[Bob Kevoian]

Sexy time. The lovely Ally Breen with her new haircut. There she is, looking very, very professional.

[Ally Breen]

Thank you. Yeah, it's so cold here.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's cold everywhere. Yeah, it's snowing in New Orleans.

[Josh Arnold]

All right. Okay, it's four here. What do you got there? Do you know what it is there?

[Ally Breen]

It's four, I think it's eight here. So we're just above you. Yeah, it's.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's amazing.

[Donnie Baker]

Yeah.

[Ally Breen]

And we have to walk everywhere. We have to take the subway. So we're suffering.

[Pat Godwin]

But you look good in your gray hoodie, I believe they called it.

[Kelsey Cook]

Thank you.

[Pat Godwin]

Federman chic.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, nice.

[Ally Breen]

Exactly.

[Josh Arnold]

Very nice.

[Christy Lee]

Very nice.

[Ally Breen]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

The way this works. Ali Breen when she's not doing stand up. Comedy is helping people with their love lives. And you can reach her on various social media platforms. And it's a L L I I B R E E N. And what have we got?

[Ally Breen]

For starters, dear Allie, my husband had prostate cancer and he can't get aroused. It's been four years since I had sex. I want to go online and hire an escort but my friend told me most of the male escorts are gay but just also serve as women. Should I take a chance in the movies, this always seems to go well. That's quite the barometer.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Because movies are so how many things go well in the movies and don't go well in the room? Real life.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, exactly.

[Josh Arnold]

Superman flying, for instance.

[Pat Godwin]

I feel like this is something you should discuss with your husband.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ally Breen]

I mean, I think it's something she's thinking of doing secretly. It doesn't sound like it's something she wants to discuss.

[Josh Arnold]

Aren't there other ways without using his penis? I mean, is there any sort of phallic.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sure, yeah. This is. Yeah, this is a really good, tough one.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, he could strap

[Josh Arnold]

orally, please.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I think going to the stimulating conversation, going to the Internet, that so many things could go wrong here.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that's not a good idea, ma'.

[Kelsey Cook]

Am.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. I think what we're kind of saying is, don't we. I don't know, that we can condone your idea.

[Christy Lee]

Check the reviews on the guy you might hire. You know,

[Josh Arnold]

there's got to be a movie out there where a wife has done this and looked for a gigolo, if you will, and the gigolo goes bad and blackmails her and all that. Have her watch that movie.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

She's basing all of her decision making on bodies.

[Pat Godwin]

There is my roommate, an old roommate of mine, was part of a site called the Erotic Review, and he was a member because he would see prostitutes and they were legit reviews of prostitutes. So if you're going to do it, you can do some research there.

[Christy Lee]

Are you serious?

[Ed Septic]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

Because I would read the reviews and they were fascinating.

[Christy Lee]

I bet.

[Bob Kevoian]

What was it? What was it called?

[Pat Godwin]

The Erotic Review.

[Ally Breen]

What's a bad review like on there? Do you remember reading a bad one?

[Pat Godwin]

She looked at. I remember one of the big complaints was, she's a clock watcher.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, are you sure that wasn't a typo? So, I mean, we do live in a culture in a. Which everything you do, I mean, for example, I took an Uber into work today and you immediately get a thing from them. You know, how was it?

[Christy Lee]

Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

I had surgery Monday and I immediately got a thing. I'm not kidding. I wasn't even awake yet and I'd received a thing about how was it?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, wait till they get one from the anesthesiologist. Well, he did his job.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, that's right. Everything you do. Now, how about a tip? You get a quick, you know, I know. This year at Halloween, after we passed out the candy, I perceived a number of things going, how did we do? Did you like the Nestle's Crunch bars?

[Pat Godwin]

Wouldn't it be more simple just to get on one of the apps for hookups.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, you mean. Well, oh, yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

She is a woman. Yeah, right. Yeah, it's way easier for her.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, yeah, but then her face is out there, and then people would know that she's looking. Got that clingy guy that wants. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ally Breen]

I think she wants something. Exactly.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is there some kind of pimp. Is there some kind of pimp service that does that? This for you?

[Pat Godwin]

Well, there are agencies. Yes.

[Christy Lee]

For women, sure.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

How do you.

[Ally Breen]

There's a girl in New York.

[Pat Godwin]

I'll talk to you.

[Ally Breen]

There's a girl in New York. There are two girls who have, like, a sex positive podcast. And, yeah, they went and got male escorts once for, like, an episode to talk about, but I don't. I don't know how it went. I just remember a couple of years ago they did that. Yeah. Yeah. So it's something you can do. I don't know how you figure out who to get.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, well. Well, let's move on and get another letter.

[Christy Lee]

Like, every guy would want to do this. Like, oh, all right.

[Ally Breen]

Yeah, it's a. It's a long way to go for a podcast episode, but all right. Dear Ally, I listen to the Bob and Tom show every week. My girlfriend and I have been together for over 20 years, and we love each other very much. We both want to spice up our sex life and have watched movies together with threesome. She's been very into it in theory, so I want to try to bring it into real life, but I don't know how to go about doing it without getting me in trouble.

[Kelsey Cook]

Please help.

[Christy Lee]

Well, back to escorts.

[Bob Kevoian]

So they're watching videos of threesomes.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, she's way into it.

[Ally Breen]

They're both way into it.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, then.

[Pat Godwin]

And he wants to introduce the idea of doing it in real life without getting into trouble. They're both into watching it.

[Christy Lee]

Right?

[Pat Godwin]

Right. But it doesn't sound like.

[Ally Breen]

It doesn't sound hard.

[Pat Godwin]

It may cause trouble.

[Christy Lee]

But they're both listening right now and they want the answer from us, I think. So they get permission to go do this.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is that what it's.

[Pat Godwin]

Right.

[Christy Lee]

It sounds like they're, like, wanting you to tell them exactly what to go do. Or maybe he doesn't want to ask one of her friends, which is what he's probably thinking, maybe because he doesn't want to get in trouble if it's someone they know.

[Pat Godwin]

Don't you stalk. Start with, hey, honey, would you ever want to do this in real life? Because then you can always. You can Always brush that off as I was just a hypothetical.

[Bob Kevoian]

And then you immediately whip out a piece of paper.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, I got a couple. Here's a select few names.

[Bob Kevoian]

You go ahead, you pick one.

[Chick McGee]

Right.

[Pat Godwin]

Another woman in there. But what if she was another man?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, well, you've got to rotate. You got to take turns. Gotta be fair.

[Ally Breen]

I don't think most women want the other men, though. I don't think women fantasy is a threesome with two men. I think it's the opposite. So he's probably not in danger.

[Josh Arnold]

I don't know about that. I see a woman wanting to be. Sir.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, no, no, they do. But the majority of. Of women who want three ways want another woman.

[Christy Lee]

Right. I agree.

[Ally Breen]

I think so, too.

[Pat Godwin]

But there are definitely women out there who want to get spit roasted.

[Bob Kevoian]

I've never heard that term and I'm sure I can figure out what it means. Is that the.

[Chick McGee]

Let's just.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let's just. Let's just move on.

[Josh Arnold]

Don't be crass. Eiffel Tower.

[Bob Kevoian]

We're speaking with comedian Ali Breen. A L L I B R E. And I mentioned that because you can reach her on social media with your questions. Also, you can find her on Only Fans. A L L I B. That's where you find it. And what do you. What are you doing on your Only Fans page these days?

[Ally Breen]

I have been slacking. I have to do more on Only Fans I have. It's been so cold, it's hard to get a half naked. So I have to do something this week. I'm going to stay, step it up. So send ideas and I'll be on there interacting a lot more.

[Bob Kevoian]

All right, well, let's get back to our letters. What else have we got?

[Ally Breen]

Dear Ali, I have been dating a guy who seems bipolar. He loves me one minute and then the next minute tells me what an idiot I am and how if he left me, I have nothing. It's beyond bipolar. I tried breaking up with him three or four times, but he always wooed me back. Finally, he broke up with me. I expected him to try to come back, but he moved on instead. And now all I can think about is how to get back together with him. I'm literally losing friends over it because they hate him so much and don't understand why I'm obsessed, but I just can't get over him. What should I do?

[Christy Lee]

You're obsessed because you can't have him. You always want what you can't have. Oh, he manipulated you.

[Pat Godwin]

This is a. This is a classic Case, here's what you need to know. You deserve better.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

You do not deserve that treatment. Just keep reminding yourself you deserve a better man.

[Christy Lee]

Josh is absolutely right.

[Pat Godwin]

You think you don't subconsciously or consciously, but you do.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

So.

[Ally Breen]

And it's a pattern. I feel like guys do this. That's not like it's the love bombing thing and then the. Yeah, it's a whole thing to. Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, that guy's poison.

[Ally Breen]

You don't want this guy back.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

Girls like to say, okay, let's move on. What else you got?

[Ally Breen]

Dear Allie, I just got engaged and I put it out on social media. And now my ex from 10 years ago is telling me he's getting a divorce and that he always thought losing me was the biggest mistake of his life.

[Ed Septic]

There we go.

[Ally Breen]

He's begging me not to get married and to give him another chance. And I really was in love with him. I'm tempted to go on a few dates with him while engaged just to test the waters.

[Ed Septic]

Come on. I love you, baby.

[Ally Breen]

I don't want to take my whole marriage on the chance we still have something, but I don't want to never investigate it either. What's the best way to do this?

[Christy Lee]

Girl, I hope this is your fiance catfishing, pushing you just to test you. I don't do that. Don't.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, I don't. I, I, I am gonna be. I know I'll be alone on this. I say you go on a couple dates with him.

[Christy Lee]

I'm kind of with Josh.

[Bob Kevoian]

Because you life's too short.

[Christy Lee]

Well, yeah. And if there's something there.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, the thing, you know, he's getting divorced.

[Bob Kevoian]

He's getting divorced.

[Josh Arnold]

If you don't go, he's getting divorced

[Bob Kevoian]

is only going to be half of something.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And getting divorced at best, I. No. This is a giant hole you're gonna jump into. Don't do it. You found a guy that loves you who wants to marry you. I hang in there.

[Christy Lee]

The grass is always greener for like

[Josh Arnold]

a little back, you know, large, deep.

[Ed Septic]

Deep.

[Tommy Brennan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Just don't go in there. Head first. Oh, 10 years ago, he loved me.

[Pat Godwin]

I say, I say. See? Yeah. I say follow through.

[Christy Lee]

But there's also that theory that you can't go back. It's not going to be the same as it was.

[Pat Godwin]

It could be better, though.

[Josh Arnold]

You know what? Josh is really good. Jo.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Likely.

[Josh Arnold]

Maybe you're subconsciously or otherwise applying too much importance to this.

[Donnie Baker]

Just go.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I'll go out with it. It's not a big deal. Just go out and have dinner.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. See what?

[Pat Godwin]

He's not a big deal at all.

[Bob Kevoian]

She's engaged.

[Pat Godwin]

Her fiance would disagree. Surely.

[Christy Lee]

And he waited till she got engaged to say something.

[Pat Godwin]

No, no, he waited until he got divorced.

[Christy Lee]

Convenient.

[Ally Breen]

Which was the same time.

[Christy Lee]

Hey, we just having a file. He wasn't like they weren't six months on the way out to getting divorced. You know, you're always fighting leading up to it. It doesn't just happen overnight. He could have reached out to sooner.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, he's had 10 years. Good point.

[Ally Breen]

Okay, he is being selfish because he's like, oh, now that she's getting married and I'm getting divorced, she might be the one for me. So let me tank her like. Yeah, Jess is right. It shouldn't. The timing is bad.

[Donnie Baker]

Well, wait a minute.

[Pat Godwin]

We're forgetting one key thing.

[Christy Lee]

What is that?

[Pat Godwin]

Measuring contest.

[Josh Arnold]

Let me.

[Pat Godwin]

That's your answer.

[Josh Arnold]

Get it down to something tangible.

[Pat Godwin]

Right.

[Josh Arnold]

Size versus size. You'll never regret. That's right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, what's behind zipper number two? Okay, let's move forward here. We're speaking with Ali Breen.

[Josh Arnold]

It has a hook.

[Bob Kevoian]

A L, L, I B R, E E N. You can reach her on social media with your love troubles. We'll try to fix them. What else you got?

[Ally Breen]

Dear Ally, I go to work every day from 6am to 6pm and my wife has stayed at home since the pandemic. She did used to work part time, but now she doesn't work at all. And when I get home, of course I'm tired, I leave my clothes on the floor. I don't always do dishes except. Etc. And she gets upset with me over this and insists we need a maid at least once a week because I'm such a slob. I tell her she doesn't do anything all day. The least she could do is laundry and dishes. And now she says I'm treating her like a maid and won't talk to me. What should I do?

[Ed Septic]

Come on.

[Christy Lee]

Well, okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

Division of labor I think is important. And if. If he's working and she's a six, a 60 hour work week, she needs

[Christy Lee]

to step up that.

[Ally Breen]

I mean, and if it's just two of them with no kids, it's not that hard. Guys aren't that sloppy.

[Christy Lee]

I mean, what did she do all day?

[Josh Arnold]

Watch my stories and eat bon bon

[Bob Kevoian]

when you get a little bored?

[Christy Lee]

I would get a little bored.

[Pat Godwin]

Leave the lazy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Chapter seven of the Book of Josh. Chapter seven. Leave the lazy. Yeah, I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

She's asking A lot. I mean, if he's working that hard and she's not working at all, the least she can do is the laundry. Come on. Or not complain about it. Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

God, that is the dream, though, isn't it?

[Christy Lee]

What?

[Pat Godwin]

I could be a kept man easily.

[Christy Lee]

Just stay home, never work.

[Pat Godwin]

No kidding.

[Christy Lee]

Do the laundry.

[Pat Godwin]

Yep.

[Christy Lee]

Keep your house clean.

[Bob Kevoian]

You did. But you, you'd be happy to fold the laundry.

[Pat Godwin]

Absolutely.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. So it would be a little different.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do the shopping.

[Christy Lee]

Husband.

[Pat Godwin]

Yes, a trophy husband, please.

[Josh Arnold]

Hi, honey.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes, I. Calling yourself a trophy husband is a bit of a leap.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, there are, there are bowling trophies, large game trophies.

[Ally Breen]

I will pass along emails, because after this, I'm gonna get emails like, is Josh serious?

[Christopher]

I.

[Ally Breen]

You be my trophy husband. He's definitely gonna get.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

You'd keep the house clean?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, he keeps.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm a clean. Yeah, I do.

[Bob Kevoian]

Very clean. I'm very clean because I see. I like cleaning. I, I, I like doing the.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, you can be cathartic.

[Josh Arnold]

You're insane, though. So that's the problem.

[Ally Breen]

Yeah, that is.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now let's move on. Once again, Ally Breen is our guest comedian Ali Breen, and she has one more letter for us.

[Ally Breen]

Dear Ally, I. Oh, here we go. Dear Ally, my girlfriend is hot and fun, but kind of an idiot. She only watches reality shows, and I swear she probably wouldn't even know who just became our vice president. My friends say, who cares? She's hot and fun, like I said. But when she loses the hotness and maybe the fun, what's happen going to. To be left. I can't watch the Real Housewives for more than five minutes, and she won't watch any news or anything with me. I, I really don't know what to do. It's so fun right now, but I don't want to get more serious if she can't get more smart.

[Pat Godwin]

Smart.

[Christopher]

More smart.

[Christy Lee]

Smart.

[Bob Kevoian]

Can't get more smarter. If she's.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, who's the smarter?

[Bob Kevoian]

If the bar is currently set at more smart, we can fix this very easily. No, I would just say watch separate shows. What's the difference? Yeah, if she's, if she, if she, if she's a happy, nice person and however you define smart, if she likes watching those shows, that's okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Learn to appreciate superficial reality.

[Bob Kevoian]

But she might be a really nice person.

[Pat Godwin]

Exactly. And it could be, it could be the kind of break you need from watching the news and stuff.

[Christy Lee]

Right? Exactly.

[Pat Godwin]

Now I get it again, you don't want to watch the reality TV shows. But like Tom Said I don't know that it doesn't sound to me like you're forced.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

You just do something else.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Watching tv and by. Since you're watching different shows, you're not arguing about it either, you know, you're not arguing about the news or arguing about sister wives. And I can't believe they're still with him.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yada yada.

[Ally Breen]

It's just a whole.

[Pat Godwin]

There's got to be common ground and.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. No one ever watches. Watches the news together and all of a sudden turns the light off and goes at it. Yeah, yeah.

[Ally Breen]

The news is the worst thing you can watch together. Exactly.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you see the newest thing from the Environmental Protection Agency?

[Pat Godwin]

I am hot.

[Kelsey Cook]

They just.

[Bob Kevoian]

You've got a, you know, viva la difference, as they say in Germany.

[Josh Arnold]

And I'm smart, you're stupid. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's not a matter of.

[Ally Breen]

I hope there are not listening to this. She's not going to be happy.

[Bob Kevoian]

But let me say that I know. Oh God, no, no, I. I know someone who is extraordinarily bright.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

And yet they watch what I would consider one of the dumbest shows on television and they love it.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, sure.

[Donnie Baker]

Yeah.

[Ally Breen]

Which show?

[Bob Kevoian]

It's. It's one of the. One of reality. And you know, this guy is 10 times smarter than I just. That's his. He loves it. And that's okay. It doesn't mean these, you know, not, you know, a brilliant surgeon.

[Tommy Brennan]

It's just.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's just that happens to be the one thing he likes to do.

[Ed Septic]

Well, in this case.

[Pat Godwin]

It does sound like she might be not very smart.

[Ally Breen]

Right. But I mean, I could change. She could end up becoming, you know, going back to school. I don't know.

[Pat Godwin]

You know. Exactly. You don't know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, but how important is that?

[Pat Godwin]

I don't know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Don't you know people who aren't excessively bright that are you. They're happy and they're fun and they're cool.

[Oscar]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

But I. I would want to be with somebody who's intellectually stimulating.

[Josh Arnold]

So what you're saying is what are

[Bob Kevoian]

you doing on this show you don't want.

[Christopher]

We are on the way next with a segment called Kissing Girls and Push in the Bush. I have no ide. Come on back. Let's find out together. Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We're here on this long fourth of July weekend. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. The gang is back in here on tomorrow morning. Here's a segment about kissing girls and push in the bush.

[Josh Arnold]

Are you that guy, Josh?

[Pat Godwin]

What's that?

[Josh Arnold]

Get a little drunk and want to kiss the girls?

[Pat Godwin]

No. Full of Joe Namath. I mean, they're. I'm sure I've had my nights. Yeah, but especially back in the day.

[Josh Arnold]

What is that about? That guys, when they. Some guys. Some guys, they get. They think they're much handsomer when they're overserved what it is.

[Pat Godwin]

Maybe for me, it wasn't a change in my.

[Josh Arnold]

Or confidence. I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

They call it liquid confidence, don't they?

[Tommy Brennan]

Sure.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Do they?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

What is it, social media? Social grease, if you will.

[Christy Lee]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

Is that right?

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know, kind of making everybody a little more sociable.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, when this song comes on and you're drunk, You walk over and kiss a girl.

[Bob Kevoian]

I knew I'd heard that before.

[Oscar]

Assault.

[Josh Arnold]

That is.

[Bob Kevoian]

That is awful.

[Pat Godwin]

Well, that chick. I don't care how drunk I am. That chick walks up. What's the first part? She's.

[Josh Arnold]

I, I. She was blathering.

[Pat Godwin]

Really a maniac. Take it easy.

[Bob Kevoian]

Ready for this? Hey, hey, hey, hey.

[Pat Godwin]

I just walked in.

[Christy Lee]

Good God.

[Josh Arnold]

Can you give me a minute? The hell is wrong with you?

[Bob Kevoian]

Was that a. A disco hit?

[Christy Lee]

I know.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, we all knew about it. Yeah, it was on the radio. That's funny.

[Christy Lee]

That's so hot.

[Josh Arnold]

You're. You're an expert in disco too, huh? All things awful. Ace. Cut. It was a disco hit.

[Pat Godwin]

I was.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I was around.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is this.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Are you ready?

[Pat Godwin]

Are you ready?

[Josh Arnold]

Are you ready?

[Pat Godwin]

Are you ready?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, the.

[Bob Kevoian]

The band is called music.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, with a Q. Right?

[Christopher]

Music.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yes, with a Q. Ue.

[Pat Godwin]

You mean you didn't have a leisure suit?

[Josh Arnold]

No, I didn't. I didn't have the leisure suit. I did have. I did have a choker. You guys know the choker story?

[Bob Kevoian]

Was it a gold chain or.

[Josh Arnold]

No, no, no. It was like beads. Wooden beads. And it wasn't puka shells.

[Pat Godwin]

It was bees.

[Josh Arnold]

Like, that's better. But it was.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, no, it wasn't puk.

[Christy Lee]

Remember the puka shells?

[Sam Miller]

I do.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, that was a disco hit. Push in the bush. Why were we talking about pushing in the bushing?

[Josh Arnold]

You started it. I don't know.

[Pat Godwin]

Said that the game was a game.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, that's right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, okay.

[Chick McGee]

Push.

[Pat Godwin]

So no one gets any money on a push, right?

[Christy Lee]

Well, well, well, well, casinos do.

[Pat Godwin]

I've lost a lot of money on a push.

[Bob Kevoian]

I bought on a bush.

[Donnie Baker]

I'll.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'll take that one.

[Josh Arnold]

Lamar Jackson, yesterday, losing his playoff record. Now 3 and 5 and he said, yesterday during the news conference, my mother customer me out. She told me, I'm mad. We're going to go get after it. I'm not going to lie to you. We're going to get after it. I can't wait for this buy to. We got the football teams coming up. You need to play better.

[Pat Godwin]

And then my mother said, are you ready? Are you ready for this?

[Josh Arnold]

Jackson's mom said,

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, what?

[Josh Arnold]

You know, I like it, Doug. Oh, is it rough.

[Pat Godwin]

Holy hell, I can push you in the bush. Did anyone ever say that?

[Sam Miller]

No.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, I bet they did not.

[Pat Godwin]

I think, look at her. I can't wait to push her in the bush. Your friends. Who the hell are you?

[Bob Kevoian]

I go to against her will behind the disco.

[Josh Arnold]

What the hell's wrong with this guy?

[Pat Godwin]

Girl, person.

[Josh Arnold]

And speaking of being in love. And Jason and Kylie Kelsey met on Tinder in 2014. And Mrs. Kelsey shared how he. How she landed the Philadelphia Eagles now retired legend that soon to be in the hall of fame. A decade ago, 2014. Jason Kelsey building his legendary Eagles code career completely unknown outside of Philadelphia. Mrs. Kelsey, 32, recently said that I have a very dry sense of humor and some might say it's dirty. The couple matched on Tinder. I sent him a pickup line. She continues, I said, I've fallen. I need a life alert. I fallen for you and I can't get up.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, he fell for that.

[Josh Arnold]

The bad Jo joke didn't do the trick. And Kelsey realized she had to try harder. She said, if I told you I worked for ups, would you let me handle your package?

[Sam Miller]

Whoa.

[Josh Arnold]

That's. That's the line that works. And now the rest is history.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is before they met.

[Pat Godwin]

Handle your pet.

[Christy Lee]

Yes. This was on Tinder.

[Josh Arnold]

She was trying to get his attention.

[Pat Godwin]

I watched part of his talk show this weekend.

[Josh Arnold]

Of course you did that. That's right.

[Ed Septic]

On brand.

[Bob Kevoian]

That's quite, quite bold.

[Christy Lee]

That is really bold.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, it's more about her just being silly. Yeah, I hope so. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you think she handled the package in the first bush? I mean, the first day on the first date.

[Christy Lee]

Are you ready?

[Ed Septic]

Now that's a.

[Pat Godwin]

Come on.

[Bob Kevoian]

Are you ready?

[Josh Arnold]

Would you. Josh, is he walking?

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Josh Arnold]

Hey, are you ready?

[Pat Godwin]

Excuse me.

[Josh Arnold]

Are you ready for this? Are you ready for this?

[Christy Lee]

She didn't do it on the first date.

[Bob Kevoian]

She said you wanted to handle this package.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, but you got to leave them wanting more early on.

[Josh Arnold]

No, I think.

[Pat Godwin]

Get right into.

[Josh Arnold]

I think she might have done it on her first day.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Josh Arnold]

She really went after him yeah.

[Christy Lee]

All right.

[Josh Arnold]

Hell yeah. Now they're another household names with a three mediocre talk show. So there you go.

[Bob Kevoian]

Three dates, right?

[Christy Lee]

Three date rules.

[Josh Arnold]

That's right. I never known about that until Christy.

[Tom Griswold]

Really?

[Pat Godwin]

It's actually true, though.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

3D rule, right.

[Bob Kevoian]

What's the shaving legs rule?

[Christy Lee]

Well, you don't shave your legs on a first date. So you're not tempted to sleep with

[Josh Arnold]

someone because you know, if it gets.

[Kelsey Cook]

Because.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Hot and heavy.

[Ed Septic]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Every guy is gonna go, oh, dear God. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Josh Arnold]

Go shave those legs.

[Christy Lee]

You would not be turned off by a woman who had not shaved her leg.

[Ed Septic]

No.

[Pat Godwin]

And women don't never understand. No, absolutely.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Bob Kevoian]

You could be like, what's Bogart in that movie, Dot? What is he, Roy Dobbs or something?

[Josh Arnold]

Fred C. Dobbs.

[Christy Lee]

Well, of course you're going to go after it. But I mean, would you call her back?

[Pat Godwin]

Don't get us wrong. Shave your legs, ladies. Yes. Not turning it down because you.

[Christy Lee]

But would you call her back?

[Josh Arnold]

You know what I'd add? I'd, I'd say shave everything.

[Pat Godwin]

Right.

[Oscar]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Airs your hair and your eyebrows.

[Pat Godwin]

That's it.

[Sam Miller]

That's it.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, thank you.

[Oscar]

No.

[Pat Godwin]

No eyebrows. Eyebrows is a bold look.

[Oscar]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

Like, throws things off.

[Josh Arnold]

You know what I don't care for?

[Bob Kevoian]

The lights are coming off.

[Pat Godwin]

What don't you care for?

[Josh Arnold]

Let me tell you what I don't care for.

[Christy Lee]

Don't you care?

[Josh Arnold]

I don't care. These guys, I see that they take their trimmer and they just do a line on one of their eyebrows.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Jamie did that on Ted Lasso.

[Josh Arnold]

I don't care for that.

[Christy Lee]

I don't either.

[Josh Arnold]

I don't care for it.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah. I think it's cool when it's an actual scar.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is that what it's supposed to mean?

[Josh Arnold]

I, I, I don't like them. Yeah. I'm just seeing it more, more and more. I don't care for it. I walked up to a guy over the weekend, I said, I don't care for that. Walked right up to him, punched me in the face. Wow.

[Bob Kevoian]

He said, are you ready for this? Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

And I, then I said, well, how about, are you ready?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Are you ready?

[Josh Arnold]

Are you ready for this?

[Pat Godwin]

I mean, that is crazy.

[Kelsey Cook]

It's not horrible.

[Bob Kevoian]

How much of a hit was that? I don't recall.

[Pat Godwin]

We all heard of it.

[Josh Arnold]

I never had at least, at least top 10.

[Donnie Baker]

Really?

[Josh Arnold]

That's not higher?

[Pat Godwin]

It's not even innuendo. How did it get on the air?

[Christy Lee]

No, it isn't innuendo.

[Pat Godwin]

Cocaine is the answer to all these questions. There's no. I mean cocaine fueled.

[Josh Arnold]

That's how this vocal was achieved.

[Pat Godwin]

This was a way

[Ed Septic]

for dance clubs

[Pat Godwin]

to weed out the cokeheads.

[Ed Septic]

They hit this.

[Pat Godwin]

Whoever runs to the dance floor is doing coke.

[Ally Breen]

Yeah.

[Tommy Brennan]

Wow.

[Josh Arnold]

Wasn't there a giant spoon hanging over the Studio 54?

[Pat Godwin]

Yep.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, really? Dance floor? Yeah. It was gigantic. Never went there like 20.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you go there, Pat?

[Pat Godwin]

No, I heard all about it. That's my General Mills sponsor.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, is that right?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It actually wasn't a drug thing at all. It was a serial thing.

[Josh Arnold]

I thought it was a homeopathic spoonful of cocaine. Help the medicine.

[Bob Kevoian]

That was the thing. Those people would have a chain with a God.

[Christy Lee]

After the heyday though, I met the

[Pat Godwin]

one owner and asked him a bunch of questions.

[Bob Kevoian]

Ian Schrager.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. He said it was really that wild and even wilder than you can imagine.

[Josh Arnold]

Ah, well, didn't they get caught? They shot their mouths off to New York Times reporter or something and no,

[Bob Kevoian]

they, they never paid. They went under because of a tax thing?

[Josh Arnold]

Well, no, but during in the story they lost themselves and they've realized. I just told the New York Times we haven't paid taxes since we opened our place.

[Christy Lee]

Duh.

[Chick McGee]

Whoops.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah. Studio 54 closed. Closed down. But isn't it now a like a satellite radio station or something? Might be someone like still owns the name naming.

[Pat Godwin]

There's a good documentary called Studio 54, where are you? And it talks all about with Fred Gwynn. You know what happened.

[Josh Arnold]

Can I talk to you in the break room?

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I enjoyed. Are you ready?

[Bob Kevoian]

Are you ready for this right now?

[Josh Arnold]

Doing this with your hands. Hey, you're dancing.

[Christopher]

Come on back with more of the Bob and Tom show next hour it's Ed Septic and Kelsey Cook on the way. But next a segment with our good friend Roy Wood Jr. Don't want to miss that. So come on back. This is the Bob and Tom Show. It's the best of the Bob and Tom show on a Monday morning. Welcome back. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Our good friend Roy Wood Jr. In this segment. Let's go.

[Bob Kevoian]

Time to get back to the action with. We haven't really checked in. Did we finish our sports one?

[Josh Arnold]

Looks like. Looks like one more. A pair of Swedes are in the stupid world record arena. They have broken the Guinness world record for the longest table tennis rally.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Emil Olson and Frederick Nielsen. Nielsen. Yep. That's Swedish all right. Self proclaimed spin duo Achieved the title after spending 13 hours, 37 minutes and 6 seconds engaged in a table tennis match. According to the rules, the rally must be continuous and players were not allowed to take breaks between passes. So they kept the ball going for 13 hours, 37 minutes, 6 seconds. Is that what I'm hearing?

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Is that what I'm reading in this story? Yeah, it's the longest continent Continued. Longest table tennis rally over. Finally finished after 13 hours. So that's impossible.

[Bob Kevoian]

They have to be wearing diapers of some sort then.

[Oscar]

Right?

[Pat Godwin]

You can't potentially.

[Christy Lee]

Most people can hold it for a day.

[Bob Kevoian]

13 hours.

[Christy Lee]

They didn't drink before. I don't know.

[Bob Kevoian]

And so is this one. One volley that keeps going on and on and on and on and on.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, that's what it sounds like.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm sure it's not challenged, you know. Yeah, they're able to drink.

[Josh Arnold]

There you go.

[Oscar]

Go.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, it's probably not.

[Bob Kevoian]

If they can drink and snack. They gotta go eventually, I would think.

[Christy Lee]

Well, so they're wearing diapers.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. Maybe they weren't.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm just asking. It's a fair question.

[Josh Arnold]

I can't wait till I have to wear diapers.

[Oscar]

Should I be impressed or should I be embarrassed? I'm trying to figure this out.

[Christy Lee]

With their record?

[Oscar]

Yeah. Okay. It's cool. But it's also. It's table tennis.

[Ed Septic]

Yeah.

[Christopher]

It's not.

[Oscar]

It's like, not trying to down it as unathletic, but also like, I have no scope of, like, I don't know how to be impressed by this.

[Pat Godwin]

Right.

[Christy Lee]

We feel that way about most of our world record stories. Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

We really do.

[Pat Godwin]

It's okay. They did it, but was it necessary?

[Christy Lee]

Will say. So what?

[Oscar]

I'm more intrigued at how you die at a swingers convention like that.

[Christy Lee]

Well, they think it was a drug overdose.

[Oscar]

Okay. That's different. I thought they died like mid stroke, but.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah, I know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Like doing that.

[Oscar]

13 hours.

[Pat Godwin]

Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

See, now you got a story.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, that would.

[Bob Kevoian]

That would have been fun.

[Oscar]

13 hours.

[Bob Kevoian]

I wonder if these guys did it in the basement for authenticity. That are moms upstairs. Are you boys still playing down there? Let's see now.

[Christy Lee]

They had a crowd watching.

[Bob Kevoian]

I feel bad for the. The. What do they call it?

[Chick McGee]

The.

[Bob Kevoian]

The adjudicators that have to sit there and watch for 13 hours. Two guys hitting the ping pong ball back and forth. No, thanks. Those are the. Those are the real heroes now. Speaking of heroes, Chick McGee's got his heroic jersey on. Getting ready for that game on Saturday evening. The 8 o' clock game.

[Josh Arnold]

Yes. Yes, sir.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now with us in the studio, a guy who's watching the playoffs from a distance. Roy Wood Jr. Has always been a Miami Dolphins fan. Are you an NBA fan?

[Pat Godwin]

Are you moving to switch gears here a little?

[Oscar]

I grew up watching Charlotte Hornets, so I would say I'm a Hornets fan. But if you asked me to name the starting lineup, I. I could not do. I know they got the one kid, the black guy, and the black guy. This is Serbian. There's always a white dude from, like, a really dangerous white country. That's what the NBA is. Now. They got those guys. If there's one change I make to the NBA, I think we need to bring back fighting a little bit more. Because, honestly, like, if we want to talk about how the international. The infusion of international players has changed the behavioral mechanics of American sports and, like, foreigners don't be fighting like that. That's not what they do. I will dunk on you and then smile and then go back up to, like, no, fight me. Because that was, like, good ratings. Like, that was an exciting time when, like, players would average 4.2 felonies a game. And it gave you a reason to watch bad teams because there was tension, and that was just as important. It was a soap opera. There was more of a soap opera unfolding. But now we got, like, this. There's black people from Canada playing now, and, like, they don't fight.

[Pat Godwin]

There's a guy who's. Denver guy.

[Oscar]

Jokic.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. His brother's a boxer.

[Oscar]

Yes.

[Ed Septic]

Yeah.

[Oscar]

Like that. That.

[Pat Godwin]

And he got the fight in the stands.

[Oscar]

Yeah. You don't want that guy on the court. There's. I just think that there was a time, like, for all the grief people give, Draymond Green with the Warriors. Every team used to have two. Two Draymonds where their only job was to fight.

[Ally Breen]

Yeah.

[Oscar]

I don't score points. If I get a rebound. Cool. But I'm the coach. Literally put me in the game.

[Christy Lee]

The intimidator.

[Oscar]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Oscar]

Who would back it up?

[Bob Kevoian]

Like, that's.

[Oscar]

That's where I.

[Christy Lee]

Now half the stars won't even play in the game.

[Oscar]

Yeah. I'm just gonna shoot a three from half court. No. Get your ass under that ring and come get this punch to the balls. You're a man or not. So. You know, I like the modern game, but I do miss the. The grit of the old school NBA a little bit. But I know it's. Fighting's bad for sponsorship.

[Josh Arnold]

They're having trouble. Right. They want to Go back to the too many 3.3 point shots is what they're saying in the NBA. Oh, people are getting bored with the 3 point shots.

[Christy Lee]

Really?

[Josh Arnold]

They want to attack the rim more. So they're asking why, why shouldn't we make baskets? Three points and three point shots, four points. And there's. It's all sorts of stuff that'll throw all the stance. Well, that's what they. And they can't respect the history of the game moving it that much like that. Yeah, it's. They, they need to say that something needs to change.

[Oscar]

But see, I think it's going to self correct because you have Victor Wimanyama in San Antonio and he's becoming extremely dominant. He can play from the outside, but he dominates on the inside. So eventually to combat him, you have to draft your own super tall foreign black guy. And so now the idea of tall players. Bigger. I'm joking, but like you need bigger centers to combat him.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Right.

[Oscar]

Because he's going to be the dominant force over the next decade in the league. So I think we'll get back to our Hakeem, you know, Shaquille o' Neal era type stuff because the only thing that's going to beat a Victor Wimpy Yana is like a more swole. Like you need a shack to stop that.

[Bob Kevoian]

Who's the guy from. Is it the Canadian? Canadian guy that's in Florida.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Florida.

[Chick McGee]

He's tall.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, the 790 Oliver Rue.

[Josh Arnold]

Seven feet nine.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Oscar]

Oh, you're the one Shaq met. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Josh Arnold]

You got.

[Oscar]

Oh, you have tall foreign. I was get tall man to beat your tall man.

[Christy Lee]

Then will they raise the goal? I mean.

[Bob Kevoian]

No, they can't do that. Come on.

[Josh Arnold]

No, I, I don't know what they're going to do. I don't know. I kind of like the three point NBA. I, I'm Steph Curry. And sure, all the shooting. I like the shooting. I'm not a big fan of the dunk and the, you know, the posters and all that, but.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, now a couple things here. We haven't heard from you today, Pat, I know you got to.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm enjoying Roy Wood over here.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay.

[Oscar]

Just rambling.

[Pat Godwin]

I can't help it. You're giving off a nervous vibe.

[Christy Lee]

Oh yeah. What do you.

[Bob Kevoian]

I gotta leave her. Like, I've got a doctor's appointment. I've got meeting a new doctor today.

[Christy Lee]

Oh.

[Bob Kevoian]

Which is always weird.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know, I'm kind of wondering if I should I dress a certain way what you want.

[Pat Godwin]

You want to make a first impression?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Change your boots for one.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean, but why.

[Pat Godwin]

Well now is this a new doctor? Because it's a new specialist.

[Ed Septic]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's a new specialist guy and I've never met him.

[Christy Lee]

And what's he specializing in?

[Bob Kevoian]

Some.

[Pat Godwin]

Something private Christine.

[Oscar]

Yeah, that's what say if it's prostate, then you got to take a bath.

[Bob Kevoian]

No. Yes, it is. It is not. But I did. I did an extra careful bathing.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

You know, this is.

[Bob Kevoian]

And I'm gonna make every effort not to poop before I leave today.

[Josh Arnold]

This is. This is a doctor's appointment, not a first date. Okay.

[Bob Kevoian]

What are you doing? But you know, you want to make a good impression.

[Oscar]

That's fair.

[Christy Lee]

Not really.

[Josh Arnold]

I mean, although he has all. Every gathering we've. A social gathering we've ever been at. He will hunt down a doctor to talk to he. Absolutely. Or. Or an airline pilot.

[Bob Kevoian]

One of the two people that do interesting things.

[Christy Lee]

Does this guy know that you're coming? I mean is he aware of your street? Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

So it's going to be weird if he may or may not know who I am on what I do. So it'll be odd.

[Josh Arnold]

Could be odd.

[Bob Kevoian]

I don't know.

[Pat Godwin]

Your appointment is when?

[Bob Kevoian]

This morning, in a couple hours.

[Pat Godwin]

A couple hours? You need to leave now to do all the pre. First appointments.

[Bob Kevoian]

You can see, typically if it were. If it were in the afternoon, I would shower immediately before going.

[Christy Lee]

Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, yeah. Brush your teeth.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know. I'm not wearing.

[Christy Lee]

Do your hair.

[Bob Kevoian]

I'm going to brush my teeth. I've already got my.

[Pat Godwin]

Buy some flowers. You're not wearing that, are you?

[Bob Kevoian]

What do you mean?

[Pat Godwin]

Some lonely flowers.

[Bob Kevoian]

I wonder today is this. This is just wearing, you know, a simple noise.

[Pat Godwin]

I think it's too casual.

[Josh Arnold]

Far too casual. Stupid.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

What?

[Bob Kevoian]

Coat and tie.

[Pat Godwin]

Repeat. Well, no, that's too. That's too much.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Because if you have to get undressed, it'll take you forever.

[Josh Arnold]

Nice quarters.

[Pat Godwin]

And you gotta fluff yourself a little, don't you?

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. What are you. Yeah. When he first comes in, I. I hope I can be dressed then. And then do the transition. It'd be really weird if it's. I'll take off all your stuff and sit over there. That's awful.

[Christy Lee]

You know what I've always found really weird? And all the ladies. You guys probably won't understand this, but you go into the doctor, especially if you're going to your ob GYN and even. And say he's a man. A lot of OB GYNs are men, and you have to take your clothes off and you have that little curtain, and then they have a little place for your clothes. No matter what, you can ask any woman, we always cover up our bra. Always.

[Pat Godwin]

Really?

[Christy Lee]

Yes. It's the weirdest look. Jess is going, yes, you don't want

[Pat Godwin]

them to see your bra, and yet

[Christy Lee]

they're going to see you naked.

[Pat Godwin]

But is. It's interesting.

[Christy Lee]

You don't want them to see your bra.

[Pat Godwin]

Interesting.

[Christy Lee]

And I know after I brought this up, because I was thinking about the other day, and almost every. Every woman I've ever brought this up to agreed with me. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

What's the source of that?

[Christy Lee]

I don't know. I do it at home.

[Pat Godwin]

Is your ob GYN a male or female?

[Christy Lee]

Mine was male.

[Pat Godwin]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

I. I've always wondered if women prefer. Prefer a female obgyn because, you know, they know everything a lot of women do, and they're more comfortable, or if they prefer a male because males are smart.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thank you, John.

[Pat Godwin]

It's got to be a tough time.

[Josh Arnold]

That's an honest question.

[Donnie Baker]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

You are so wrong.

[Pat Godwin]

I mean, you want to be comfortable

[Josh Arnold]

and get bad, get the right diagnosis.

[Bob Kevoian]

You don't want to compare and go again. Wow. Boy, mine looks a lot better than this.

[Christy Lee]

It's just something.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is. Well, looking at you, this is good for my self esteem. No, but you know what I'm saying. Christy, when you. When you had to switch obs, did you. Is your new one a lady or a gent?

[Christy Lee]

I don't have an OBGYN anymore. I have a private practice physician that does it all.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Oh, well.

[Josh Arnold]

Boy or girl?

[Christy Lee]

A man. Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Were you nervous the first time you went to see him?

[Christy Lee]

No.

[Oscar]

Really?

[Christy Lee]

I don't get nervous going to the doctor.

[Bob Kevoian]

Maybe it's just me. Okay.

[Josh Arnold]

There's a lot of stuff we can say that about.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Maybe it's just you don't want to hear the. The guy go, well, never seen this before. Oh, thank you.

[Pat Godwin]

You'll be for. Just be yourself. You'll be all right.

[Oscar]

I'm at that age now where I don't trust when the doctor's like, okay, it's all good. No problems. I'm like, nah, look again. I know what I've been eating.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Oscar]

Run the numbers again.

[Christopher]

On the way with more the Best of the Bob and Tom Show. Comedian Kelsey Cook is coming up in just a minute. Stand by. This is. Is the Bob and Tom Show. This is the Best of the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Comedian Kelsey Cook in this one. Here we go.

[Bob Kevoian]

We have a guest in the studio. She is Kelsey Cook.

[Sam Miller]

Hello.

[Bob Kevoian]

Growing up with a name like Kelsey, if you had a substitute teacher, would they not know if you were here? Or she. Kelsey. No, because of. Because of Kelsey grammar.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah. I think that was such a rarity, him having that name.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Kelsey Cook]

I feel like pretty much everybody else. I think when I was born, Kelsey was maybe the most popular name that year for girls. So I think you were just seeing a bunch of. A bunch of Kelsey's.

[Bob Kevoian]

A lot of Kelsey's.

[Oscar]

Yeah.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay. Oh, it's a beautiful name.

[Kelsey Cook]

Thank you.

[Bob Kevoian]

It has a nice punch to it. Kelsey Cook. And.

[Josh Arnold]

And nice punch. A lot of consonants.

[Christopher]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

In DJ school, they tell you you're supposed to have a name like that,

[Bob Kevoian]

not cumbersome like Kostaki, Economize.

[Josh Arnold]

Did you say BJ school?

[Christy Lee]

DJ school.

[Ally Breen]

Oh, dj.

[Pat Godwin]

There's a bj.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, some of it's.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, they should have. They should have a BJ school.

[Kelsey Cook]

You have to do it to get on. Only fans learn how to do that.

[Josh Arnold]

I see.

[Bob Kevoian]

Where was I? Oh, I know. I was trying to do anything but this. Welcome back to the Bob and Talk

[Josh Arnold]

time for your final.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is it an oral final? Thank you.

[Tom Griswold]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Let's get back to our guest. She is the. The lovely Kelsey Cook. And, Kelsey, we've all learned that you are becoming a sports fan because your boyfriend is a. An avid sports fan.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

And a gambler of sorts.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

What else is happening in your. Your life?

[Kelsey Cook]

Well, I. I got one of the aura rings not that long ago. Have you guys seen these?

[Pat Godwin]

I've seen. I have not seen them on a person yet.

[Kelsey Cook]

They're like the new Apple watch. Right. And so he and I both got them. And, you know, this is like a health thing.

[Ally Breen]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

It tells you your heartbeat, tracks your

[Kelsey Cook]

sleep and your movement and some. And. And stuff like that. But I've realized that sometimes it will try to just guess what activity you just did. And so I wore it when Chad and I had sex. And then I got a notification from it on my phone that said, hey, did you just do some light walking? And I was devastated. I was like, I am bringing the heat in there. Put some respect on my name.

[Bob Kevoian]

What did his oral watch or, I don't know, ring say?

[Kelsey Cook]

I have never asked if his. Actually, I don't think he was wearing it at the time, to be honest.

[Christy Lee]

He was just lying there.

[Ally Breen]

Come on.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was. That was tough for me to read, but so funny. You can go in and correct the guess. So I did change it to horseback riding, because. Why not? But they, like, they just don't even list sex as an option, which I just feel like, you know, it's like adults are using this.

[Ed Septic]

Yeah.

[Kelsey Cook]

I'm at an age where sex is maybe the only exercise I did that week. Like, I kind of like the points on the board. Um, and the other options they list are so dumb. Like, one of the exercise ones is hula hoop. Like, who is hula hooping? Like, to me, that's just air sex, I feel, you know. I mean.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah.

[Kelsey Cook]

And then they also put musical instrument as an exercise.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow.

[Kelsey Cook]

Like, if anybody's ripping clarinet for two hours at a point where it's registering as a workout, I feel. Feel like that person is only having sex with a hula hoop. Like, that's not a cool vibe.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I've heard about these.

[Christy Lee]

I thought you were getting one.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, I think I need to.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is the. This is. It's got. It looks like it's got some electronic gizmos on the inside of the ring,

[Christy Lee]

like a wedding band, a big wedding band.

[Bob Kevoian]

And then. But it's a. This says it's a fitness ring, but it tells you what activity you're doing.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah, well, sometimes. Sometimes it does.

[Bob Kevoian]

So it knows if you're running or doing light walking. Right, right.

[Kelsey Cook]

Trying your best.

[Bob Kevoian]

And that'd be great for you, Josh. Like, during sex, your aura ring would go. Are you rolling dice? Are you?

[Oscar]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Are you.

[Chick McGee]

Are you.

[Bob Kevoian]

Are you whaling a. Hailing a cab?

[Oscar]

Sure.

[Josh Arnold]

A lot of arm motion. Gotcha.

[Pat Godwin]

I'll occasionally whack it. This is.

[Bob Kevoian]

How does it know all this stuff? This is amazing.

[Pat Godwin]

Does it go on?

[Josh Arnold]

This is really cool.

[Bob Kevoian]

Does it read. Does it. I'm guessing it's reads out on your phone then.

[Ally Breen]

Yeah.

[Kelsey Cook]

It gives you such a detailed breakdown of your sleep every night, of your stress levels, activities. It's pretty crazy.

[Ed Septic]

This is why.

[Bob Kevoian]

This is why I got rid of my apple watch. I got tired of being bossed around.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Sit down. You don't have enough steps today? Hey, shut up.

[Christy Lee]

You haven't closed your rings today. You can still do it. Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Does it have to go on a certain finger?

[Kelsey Cook]

So they do tell you they want you to wear it on your index finger because it can pick up the most information then. But I just think on a fashion end, that looks kind of dumb. It's like, I feel like I Look like the lead singer of Papa Roach. Like, it's such a, like, thick index fingering, you know?

[Christy Lee]

No, it looks like you're going steady and you had to wear your boyfriend's ring on that finger because it was the only one that it would fit on.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah, it's like, not a great look for me, but it is what it is.

[Bob Kevoian]

So I assume they come in different

[Kelsey Cook]

sizes that come in different sizes, different colors.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you have to go to a jewelry store and have them give you your finger measurement?

[Christy Lee]

You don't know what you're doing? Ring sizes?

[Pat Godwin]

Of course, I, I would guess most guys don't.

[Kelsey Cook]

I didn't know mine, especially for, like, each finger and stuff.

[Christy Lee]

Well, that's true of your index finger. I wouldn't know.

[Kelsey Cook]

But they send you a size kit, which I'm sure men have.

[Bob Kevoian]

Every guy.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah. Oh, boy.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, look at this.

[Bob Kevoian]

John C. Holmes.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, no, it's your ring size, but

[Bob Kevoian]

I think Kelsey's implying that every guy that gets it. Probably.

[Tommy Brennan]

Yeah.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah, probably.

[Bob Kevoian]

Is it like a string you tie around and then measure? Okay, well, that's.

[Christy Lee]

That's not your ring size. Was your, your shoe size?

[Bob Kevoian]

I have no idea.

[Christy Lee]

All right.

[Bob Kevoian]

I mean, you think there's a. There's a connection correlation? I have no idea.

[Pat Godwin]

My fingers are 12 wide.

[Christy Lee]

I don't know. Is it. That could come in handy.

[Bob Kevoian]

No. We're hanging out with a lady who's about to be on the TV Hulu. It's called mark your territory, and it stars our guest, Kelsey Cook. Have you seen it yet?

[Kelsey Cook]

I have, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

And is it hard to watch for you?

[Kelsey Cook]

Did you initially. Because you're just like, oh, God, please let this have come out as good as it felt in the room.

[Josh Arnold]

Right.

[Kelsey Cook]

Because they can make it.

[Ally Breen]

You.

[Kelsey Cook]

You feel so good on stage, but then sometimes, sound wise, you listen back and you're like, oh, Jesus, like, what happened here?

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, we thought that the audience was getting in the way, so we cut the laughs out. We want people to hear what you're talking about.

[Ally Breen]

Right, right.

[Kelsey Cook]

I mean, things like there are technical issues all the time with, with stuff like this, but fortunately, it. I think it turned out great. They really picked up the sound well. And so, yeah, it. It wasn't too painful to watch.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now, I would ask this of any guest. Don't think I'm being sexist here. What did you wear? And. And did you give it a lot of thought?

[Kelsey Cook]

I did give it a fair amount of thought. I. I wore jeans and Nikes and, like, a little jacket I think one. Women, we like, we don't want to have, like, sweat marks showing. We don't. I don't want to wear heels. I want to be able to move around. And so you're trying to find that balance between looking nice enough for it to be on a special but still feeling like yourself.

[Bob Kevoian]

And they let you wear a shoe with a visible name brand.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah, sure.

[Josh Arnold]

Remember the. My favorite sweating story on stage, Tommy Jonigan.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Bless his heart. He sweats so much he had to wear maxi pads under his arm.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah. He is a big sweater.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Kelsey Cook]

Maybe has hyperhidrosis.

[Pat Godwin]

Could be.

[Josh Arnold]

I mean, I think he might have.

[Bob Kevoian]

Don't use big words around me, lady.

[Kelsey Cook]

So early in the morning.

[Bob Kevoian]

Did you feel more than one show?

[Kelsey Cook]

We did.

[Bob Kevoian]

Are they intercut?

[Kelsey Cook]

Yes.

[Ally Breen]

We.

[Kelsey Cook]

We shot to. Used what we could of each one that made it feel the best, but

[Bob Kevoian]

because that's where armpits wet. Because be a problem.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. You have it in one shot, not in the other.

[Kelsey Cook]

Truly. Yeah. That's why you gotta.

[Bob Kevoian]

You gotta in the wrong order.

[Christy Lee]

Right?

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah. When I shot my. My previous special, the Hustler, we did it in Denver. And thank God we had two shows to do it. Because the second show, they had started it late because a man had passed out and they had to call an ambulance.

[Oscar]

Wow.

[Kelsey Cook]

It was just like chaos at this special taping. They had to call an ambulance. The show started late on the second one, and there was the Stanley cup finals happening the same night. And so that let out at the same time. People came in completely hammered, like in a blackout. Didn't even know what they were there for. They're just like, let's just keep going. Let's go to a comedy show. So they sat some drunk people, like, third row, dead center.

[Pat Godwin]

Wow.

[Kelsey Cook]

And within five minutes of being on stage, a girl just kept talking to me, like during a special taping, like, yes. No, that's so true. And I was like, whoa. We lady, like, look at me in the eye. Like, you got to lock it up or you got to go. And I could just see her eyes were like doll eyes. They were just glass. Nobody was home.

[Tommy Brennan]

Oh.

[Kelsey Cook]

And she started talking again. We had to kick her out. It took like 10 minutes to kick her out.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, man.

[Kelsey Cook]

She was in super high heels. And it was just like, you know, baby deer trying to navigate out of there. She flipped me off on the way out. It was. So that was all during a special taping. I was like, thank God we shot one right before this. Because if that was the only One. I don't know what we would.

[Bob Kevoian]

Are you making Pat nervous?

[Oscar]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

Patty G. Is about to tape his special in Salt Lake.

[Pat Godwin]

Maybe a little.

[Ed Septic]

Yeah.

[Kelsey Cook]

Oh, you didn't. Wise guys.

[Pat Godwin]

No, I'm doing the dry bar thing.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, nice.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, now the audience, I assume they're not being served alcohol at all.

[Pat Godwin]

No, it's a very, very church clean dry bar.

[Ally Breen]

Right?

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Kelsey, I've got 3m minutes of material.

[Kelsey Cook]

Oh, it's gonna be great.

[Bob Kevoian]

There was some. There was some editing.

[Josh Arnold]

That's generous.

[Kelsey Cook]

It's gonna be great.

[Ed Septic]

Well, we're.

[Bob Kevoian]

We're hanging out with comedian Kelsey Cook. We got to hang out over that way for just a second. And with Christy Lee.

[Josh Arnold]

What's going on?

[Christy Lee]

Research pinpoints when dogs first became man's best friend.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh.

[Christy Lee]

According to scientists, indigenous people in what is now Alaska began forming close relationships with the ancestors of today's dogs at least 12,000 years years ago. That's 2,000 years earlier than previously recorded on the continent. Researchers determined that the animal had been domesticated after analyzing the sample, along with an 8,100-year-old canine jawbone, which showed substantial contributions from salmon proteins, meaning the animal had regularly eaten fish provided by humans.

[Pat Godwin]

How do they know that it was provided by humans?

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah. That's quite a leap.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, I know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Well, because I'm not on the caves. On the caves. Those are clearly drawings of Snoopy. And the. That's, of course, the original coyote doodle. Beautiful dog. Curly hair, hypoallergen.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, but they were. Do I see.

[Oscar]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I got a doodle among my many dogs.

[Josh Arnold]

Of course you do.

[Christy Lee]

I have two of them. I think it's a law in my county, but go ahead.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah. My little guy.

[Christy Lee]

Is he smart?

[Bob Kevoian]

No.

[Josh Arnold]

Is he a mini doodle?

[Bob Kevoian]

Mini doodle sounds like small one. I've got regular dogs, then I've got the little guy.

[Christy Lee]

Regular dog.

[Bob Kevoian]

You know, normal dogs.

[Josh Arnold]

I thought I was getting a regular. A mini. And I got a regular dog. Yeah, she's much, much bigger than I

[Ed Septic]

thought she was gonna be.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now, you were asking me off the air, Josh, if cats were domesticated before dogs. I don't know. Know the answer to that.

[Pat Godwin]

It sounds to me like maybe dogs, but. Yeah, I don't know either. I mean, also, different parts of the world were probably doing different things.

[Donnie Baker]

Well, there were.

[Bob Kevoian]

There were, you know, sad, lonely women that needed to become cat ladies.

[Oscar]

Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Back in the day.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Cleopatra.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm a. A proud cat owner. I know you are too.

[Ally Breen]

I am, too.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah. I. I had Two cats. Before Chad and I started dating, he had a golden doodle. He brought. Brought the dumb doodle. No, he's great, but he's doodle. You know, sometimes something's going on in his brain where it just feels like he's only eaten cocaine for two years. Like you have people over and you're

[Christy Lee]

like, what are you doing?

[Kelsey Cook]

And he's like humping all the pillows, he's trying to hump the people. It's just like, it's a lot of energy. And I'm very much like a cat of a human where I'm. I'm an introvert. I'm pretty low energy. So when he's worked up like that, I'm just like, I can't.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Do you still have the cats?

[Kelsey Cook]

I do, yep. So when we got together, we merged our pets and that was. I don't know how, like, how do you have older cats? Younger cats?

[Pat Godwin]

Younger.

[Kelsey Cook]

Okay. Mine are older and they had never met a dog. And this is like a 50 pound golden doodle. So when they first met him, they. I'm pretty sure they thought he was like a dragon and they were so terrified. And it was pretty chaotic for about the first year. But now everybody gets along okay and it's fine.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, good.

[Josh Arnold]

I went, I went the other way on that. I. I had. My golden aspect was a puppy and it met a cat that was going to be in its life for quite a while. And the puppy came back, only this time a full grown dog. And the cat was like, what the hell is this Puppy was my size. Now who the.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh my. The gamma rays.

[Josh Arnold]

What the hell, pal? Yeah.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

My cats love dogs. Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Is that right?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, they do. They do. So got of lots lucky there.

[Kelsey Cook]

Oh, takes a lot of trust. I mean, if you put yourself in a cat's position, like we can't even. There's nothing there aren't humans or creatures that are that much bigger than us the way that our dog is that much bigger than us. You know what I mean? That has to be terrifying.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Now let's find out what else is going on over that way.

[Christy Lee]

The company is launching a so called AI Wing girl that promises to help men find women to date.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm all for, and I'm not talking for myself. This is a, a great thing.

[Christy Lee]

The outfit known as Vita select says its artificially intelligent dating co pilot, dubbed Ari, was built on extensive matchmaking data in order to help men navigate modern dating. From dating apps to social media to real world encounters with personalized guidance.

[Bob Kevoian]

So Wait a minute. In English, this means the app is going to help you pick up women.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't see see it as that.

[Christy Lee]

According to the company, Ari's features include making standout user profiles on your dating apps, crafting compelling messages to maximize the chances of getting a response.

[Bob Kevoian]

Okay, so now it's helping you write. So if you're going back and forth on a dating app, you're sure your picture makes you look really hot.

[Pat Godwin]

What if they haven't quite worked out the vo.

[Bob Kevoian]

I am twitching and. And erect, you hot tomato.

[Christy Lee]

This is his AI voice.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah. Let's just all be grateful Tom's not on dating apps.

[Bob Kevoian]

Many are.

[Christy Lee]

It also offers real time expert dating advice for any dating scenario.

[Pat Godwin]

Now that's what I like. The stuff about the, you know, writing your profiles and stuff. Eh, maybe do it yourself, but there are a lot of guys out there that just need a little help.

[Christopher]

Yes.

[Christy Lee]

And Ari is currently available as a free app on the Apple Store or Google Play with premium features available for

[Pat Godwin]

$20 a month like SW sweet guys who are just awkward. And this, this can help them.

[Christy Lee]

Write a select claims. Early users report an average 300 increase in dates within the first month of using ARI.

[Kelsey Cook]

But do you think it'd be off putting if you started dating somebody, then you found out later that all of your early messages were made by AI you're good.

[Pat Godwin]

It must be.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Kelsey Cook]

I don't know.

[Pat Godwin]

It's a Cyrano type thing.

[Tom Griswold]

Right?

[Ally Breen]

Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wow. So your Ferrari is really a Volkswagen Golf.

[Josh Arnold]

What?

[Bob Kevoian]

You get lie big like that, you got to keep it changing your age. You got to figure that out.

[Pat Godwin]

You're not black.

[Christy Lee]

And you're not only.

[Bob Kevoian]

We're, we're taking the bus because my Alpha Romeo is in the shop.

[Oscar]

No.

[Bob Kevoian]

Maybe try being yourself. That'll be helpful.

[Pat Godwin]

Sure. But again, I.

[Josh Arnold]

There are, well, everybody be themselves.

[Pat Godwin]

Except there are guys out there that are like debilitatingly nervous and awkward and, and, but they are sweet, good dudes and they need help.

[Josh Arnold]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

I, I, I like my wing girl. Like I like my boobies. Oh, false. And by the way, I'd like to, I'd like to bring back the word falsies. Anyone on that? No. Have you ever heard the word falsies?

[Josh Arnold]

No. The silence was deafening, I think.

[Chick McGee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

You know, I'm going in to get some false boobs.

[Tommy Brennan]

Yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

Falsies is a classic.

[Pat Godwin]

50s era falsies is a classic.

[Bob Kevoian]

Have you ever heard that phrase in

[Kelsey Cook]

the makeup world, that's what they called fake eyelashes. I have never Heard them for fake boots.

[Pat Godwin]

It's crazy old. It's like it's 1950s.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, it's, you know, Torpedo Boy, you were so close.

[Pat Godwin]

I don't. I'd be physically sick at how hard I'd be laughing if you would.

[Christopher]

We're coming right back. Another segment with Ed Septic giving us a call. Stand by for that here on the bottom Bob and Tom Show. We are back with the final segment on this Monday morning. The gang is back in here tomorrow morning. This is the best of the Bob and Tom Show. Welcome back. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Let's do this one. It has Ed Septic in it. What could be better?

[Josh Arnold]

Hello, Tom.

[Bob Kevoian]

Hello, Chick McGee. It's good to see you. Now we have Christy Lee at the news desk. We started. We gave a little tea Caesar.

[Christy Lee]

We'll get to that. But I have another story.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, what do you got over there?

[Christy Lee]

Well, in Colorado, authorities have rescued a horse after it fell into a septic tank. The Pueblo County Sheriff's office said the horse was in chest deep sewage layer, head and front hooves sticking above the ground. When rescuers arrived, multiple agencies, including sheriff's emergency services members, the Pueblo West Fire and a local veterinarian worked to put a few straps around the horse before sedating her. A truck mounted crane was then used to pull the horse out of the hole, place her on the ground to recover from sedation. She is now doing quite well. Thank you.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

Wow.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Scary.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Pat Godwin]

And gross.

[Christy Lee]

Yes.

[Bob Kevoian]

In sewage.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah.

[Tom Griswold]

Yeah.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, septic tank.

[Chick McGee]

That's.

[Pat Godwin]

That's brutal.

[Bob Kevoian]

But they got a little. They got the horse out.

[Christy Lee]

They sure did.

[Bob Kevoian]

How'd they get the strap underneath it?

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, that poor diaper had to get in there.

[Bob Kevoian]

One of the divers. Hey, look, I didn't.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, geez.

[Bob Kevoian]

Didn't sign up for this. Okay, now I noticed.

[Pat Godwin]

Wait.

[Bob Kevoian]

Wait a minute. Look at this on the big screen.

[Josh Arnold]

Look who's there.

[Ed Septic]

Hey, everybody, it's Ed Septic.

[Pat Godwin]

Hey, Ed.

[Ed Septic]

I couldn't hear about a horse falling in a septic tank and not zoom in to say hello.

[Sam Miller]

You're right.

[Ed Septic]

Gosh, it's. It's Ad Septic here. The plumber don't give a flush. And man, I pulled everything out of septic tanks.

[Pat Godwin]

Really?

[Ed Septic]

Squirrels, chipmunks. Super were mice. AKA Kramers. I've never pulled a horse out. Though one time I did have to pull a jackass out.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, yeah?

[Ed Septic]

Yeah, Stevie. He was a bit of a drunk. Good employee, but a bit of a drunk. Yeah, I found him up to his elbows and excrement. Yeah, I'm like, you're supposed to clean it out, not swimming it. Stevie.

[Pat Godwin]

Stevie.

[Ed Septic]

Oh, man, we got Valentine's Day this Friday. You guys excited? Yeah. Oh, man, I've never been happier. My old lady left me for my brother. Save me 49.99. I'll tell you, every once in a while, they'll still accidentally butt die me while they're making sweet, sweet love. Oh, I can't hardly stand to listen to it. I can only make it a few minutes before I hang up on them. Now, I know some of you couples want to spice it up in the bedroom for Valentine's Day, but you can't afford new lingerie. Remember, fellas, all her panties are edible if you want them to be. But you really gotta want it. Oh, oops, I forgot. I got a 10:30 down at the Smith house. Her clogged it up again. Real good this time. I better run. These septic tanks ain't gonna suck themselves.

[Bob Kevoian]

Thank you, Ad pet. Septic.

[Christy Lee]

I need to hire him. I have a septic tank for the first time ever.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, my.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah. Never had one before.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, hello.

[Christy Lee]

How many times you have to get that sucked out?

[Josh Arnold]

Eight. Eight times a day?

[Tom Griswold]

Really?

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kevoian]

It depends.

[Josh Arnold]

That's just good management.

[Bob Kevoian]

You'll know once in the morning.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, you'll know.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

How big are your poops?

[Josh Arnold]

Standby for Tom's grinder sermon in three.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, that's a different thing.

[Christy Lee]

That's a different thing. I have a grinder right now.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah, you don't want to have a. If you live in a place where there's a heavy snow, you don't want to have a grinder explode on a. A nice, nice gentleman with a thick European accent. No, not that button. That's a long story. God, that was the funniest thing I've ever seen in person.

[Josh Arnold]

You are not going to be stopped

[Bob Kevoian]

covered in fecal fickle material. True story.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, well, we have that story here.

[Josh Arnold]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

Management at a Stellantis engine plant in Indiana trying to figure out who has been smearing feces in the facility's bathrooms.

[Pat Godwin]

Go on with this.

[Christy Lee]

According to a letter from management at the Kokomo plant, the mess includes wiping feces on bathroom bathroom walls, disability handlebars, door latches and sinks, and leaving piles of poop on the floor.

[Christopher]

Sick.

[Christy Lee]

Stella Natus said it's investigating the matter, adding that if needed, alternate methods may be used to help pinpoint the culprit. Employees with any information about the serial bathroom vandal are being urged to report it anonymously through a designated email in Kokomo.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, Beach Boys won't be writing a song about.

[Pat Godwin]

Just check under everybody's nails. You know, we think it might be you. Oh, Hanrahan.

[Bob Kevoian]

Watch that.

[Tom Griswold]

That's a lot of work.

[Pat Godwin]

You've either been spinning pots or just

[Bob Kevoian]

someone saving it up and bringing it in in their lunchbox.

[Christy Lee]

I don't know, but it's so disgusting. We can't linger. A Brian Adams concert in Australia was canceled due to a large Fatberg blockage that was affecting the area's sewers.

[Josh Arnold]

Brian. Adam. It was a ticket sales.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, I was. I'd rather go into a. The graffiti bathroom.

[Josh Arnold]

I'd rather listen to the Fatberg do something.

[Christy Lee]

What's wrong with the summer of 69?

[Pat Godwin]

You know what?

[Bob Kevoian]

It's a flawed song.

[Christy Lee]

No. Why?

[Pat Godwin]

He was nine in 69.

[Christy Lee]

Oh, shush.

[Pat Godwin]

It is lies.

[Christy Lee]

The BBC reports Mr. Adams was scheduled to perform at the RAC arena in Perth over the weekend.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, God, I love both.

[Bob Kevoian]

Brian Adams.

[Christy Lee]

However, the city's water corporation said a main blocked by fat grease and rags resource backing up in the venue's toilets.

[Josh Arnold]

It's that dumb Robin Hood song.

[Tom Griswold]

It is.

[Pat Godwin]

That's what I was going to say.

[Josh Arnold]

That killed Brian Adams. No, thank you. No, thanks.

[Christy Lee]

That's a good song.

[Pat Godwin]

Going to run to you. Run to you is no good.

[Bob Kevoian]

So you're missing the point of the point. This isn't really about Brian Adams or Ryan Adams.

[Christy Lee]

No, it's about a Fatberg causing several wastewater overflows, causing the venue not to be able to use their toilets, causing them to cancel.

[Bob Kevoian]

But these fat bursts, these Fatbergs are interesting because it's a combination of all kinds of stuff in the sewage system.

[Ed Septic]

Right.

[Bob Kevoian]

But I. I think what you should do is. When I first heard about the Fatberg, I said it sounds like Batman's accountant. You know, somebody. Ah, Fatberg. Or maybe the Penguin. But. But I think they should spell it with a ph.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh. Make it hip and cool.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, make. Yeah, like he's. He's the accountant for some rapper. Ah, Fatberg. A rapper from the 90s.

[Josh Arnold]

Here we go.

[Bob Kevoian]

Nice tune.

[Kelsey Cook]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Arnold]

You know how I feel about songs. Just start.

[Bob Kevoian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat Godwin]

Generic and pedestrian.

[Josh Arnold]

What this is.

[Pat Godwin]

I think this is the one with Team Attorney.

[Bob Kevoian]

It's a great song.

[Pat Godwin]

I feel nothing when I.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, here's a.

[Pat Godwin]

Here's a song.

[Josh Arnold]

Oh, it's Scanner. Oh, okay, that's worn out. All right.

[Christy Lee]

Okay, we've got the Rock and Roll 2025 all induction nominees announced. Speaking of, PH Fish is a first time nominee for this year's Rock and Roll one.

[Pat Godwin]

A radio hit.

[Christy Lee]

You're correct, but.

[Josh Arnold]

Well, I'd like to see them try and keep them out.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, the White Stripes Sound Garden Outcast. Another first time nominee is Jack in

[Josh Arnold]

and something else other than the White Stripes.

[Pat Godwin]

Yeah, the Rock on Tours. Oh, I'm sorry.

[Ed Septic]

No, no, no.

[Christy Lee]

I don't know.

[Josh Arnold]

I don't know.

[Christy Lee]

Oasis, Cyndi Lauper, Joy Division, New Order. Oh, I like them. Billy Idol, first time nominee, Joe Cocker. Another first time nominee.

[Bob Kevoian]

Joe Cocker is not in the Rock

[Pat Godwin]

and Roll hall of Fame. He needs to be in that.

[Christy Lee]

Yeah, right. Chubby Checker, first time nominee.

[Chick McGee]

What?

[Christy Lee]

Yep. Black Crows Bag Company. Both first time nominees. Mariah Carey and Chubby Checker should be first time nominee. I'm not familiar with this particular artist.

[Bob Kevoian]

Chubby Checker, He's a marketing creation. Yeah, but isn't he one of the only. Didn't one of his songs reach number one twice? Like a couple years apart.

[Josh Arnold]

The Twist and Let's Twist Again or something.

[Pat Godwin]

Who's the other?

[Christy Lee]

M a n n a Mania.

[Pat Godwin]

M a n a Mana.

[Christy Lee]

Mana.

[Pat Godwin]

Mana heard of this? Oh yeah, she has that song from

[Josh Arnold]

heaven, I think what you've got.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh yeah, Mana from heaven.

[Josh Arnold]

Of course you've got the menu for the luncheon, I think is what you're doing there.

[Pat Godwin]

Something happened on the copy.

[Christy Lee]

Anyway, those are your Rock and Roll hall of Fame inductees or nominees rather. And they will be handed out in April, I believe.

[Tom Griswold]

Do you not get in your first nomination?

[Bob Kevoian]

Many, many have.

[Christy Lee]

It's okay.

[Tom Griswold]

Okay.

[Christy Lee]

Late April is when we'll find out who actually gets in. Ceremony set for this fall in Los Angeles. So there you go.

[Pat Godwin]

Oh, man. You some sort of foreign.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh, then it's a sure thing if it's someone we've never heard of.

[Pat Godwin]

Latin rock superstars.

[Bob Kevoian]

Oh yeah, there you go.

[Pat Godwin]

Are one of the best selling recording and tour ringing acts in Latin music history. You have no business being in our Rock and roll.

[Christy Lee]

I almost left that out because I had a feeling this is where it would go.

[Pat Godwin]

I'm sure they came in illegally.

[Bob Kevoian]

They're.

[Pat Godwin]

This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[Bob Kevoian]

Bob and Tom.

[Tom Griswold]

The United States Soccer Federation presents the U.S. soccer Podcast.

[Christy Lee]

The place where I, Megan Klingerberg, a World cup expert, teaches you everything that you you need to know for this summer's World Cup.

[Bob Kevoian]

How special is it that we've been able to follow this young group of guys?

[Christy Lee]

It's been such a roller coaster of emotions.

[Bob Kevoian]

You can feel the intensity, quite a bit of time, energy, effort, everything along

[Chick McGee]

the way on these guys making the country proud.

[Bob Kevoian]

And I think they will this summer.

[Christy Lee]

The U.S. soccer Podcast, presented by Henkel.

[Tom Griswold]

Follow and listen on your favorite platform.