Transcript

Tom Griswold (0:00)

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Pat Godwin (0:24)

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Christy Lee (0:45)

It's the Bob and Tom show,

Gordon (Car Salesman) (0:51)

new car sales. Gordon speaking.

El Conquistador (Caller) (0:53)

Yes. I am El Conquistador.

Gordon (Car Salesman) (0:56)

You are El Conquistador?

Tom Griswold (0:58)

Yes.

El Conquistador (Caller) (0:58)

And I would like to make an appointment to come down and test drive a Mercedes.

Gordon (Car Salesman) (1:03)

Yes, sir.

El Conquistador (Caller) (1:04)

It is important that I am not addressed as sir. I am not a sir. I am El Conquistador.

Gordon (Car Salesman) (1:09)

And affirmative.

Tom Griswold (1:11)

Affirmative.

El Conquistador (Caller) (1:12)

It is very important that I only be addressed in that fashion as El Conquistador. Could you say it for me?

Gordon (Car Salesman) (1:20)

El Conquistador. What would you like to drive, sir?

El Conquistador (Caller) (1:24)

I am not a sir.

Gordon (Car Salesman) (1:25)

I'm sorry.

El Conquistador (Caller) (1:26)

I am El Conquistador.

Gordon (Car Salesman) (1:28)

Brother, let me say one thing. I come from the south here. My parents brought me up to say, yes, sir. Yes, ma', am. No ma'.

Summary

The BOB & TOM Show Free Podcast

Episode: March 18, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of The BOB & TOM Show is a classic blend of sharp-witted banter, comedy sketches, sports and pop culture talk, listener correspondence, and some unique musical and personal anecdotes. The team jokes about everything from noble titles to constructing doghouses, all while interweaving listener emails, lighthearted disputes, and comedic commentary on daily life. Notable segments include musings on music nostalgia, sports updates, a running bit about “walk-up songs” for your car, and the always-entertaining "Sexy Time" advice with comedian Ali Breen.

Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Comedy Skits and Listener Requests

El Conquistador Call Back ([00:51]–[03:19])
- The episode starts with a comedy call where "El Conquistador" insists on his unique title while trying to arrange a car test drive, triggering hilarity about politeness, the meaning of titles, and regional manners.
- Quote:
  - “It is important that I am not addressed as sir. I am not a sir. I am El Conquistador.” – El Conquistador, [01:04]
Listener Email Request ([04:14]–[05:35])
- A listener named Hawkeye requests a rerun of the El Conquistador bit, which leads the team down a path of music trivia and nostalgia.

2. Musical Tangents and Nostalgia

Procol Harum & “Conquistador” Discussion ([05:35]–[12:08])
- The team discusses Procol Harum's “Conquistador,” poking fun at its lyrics and pronunciation, segueing into 60s nostalgia and the quirks of British vs. American English.
- Quote:
  - “If you read the lyrics of that song, you… You'll want to jump off something. They're very confusing, but great song nonetheless.” – Tom Griswold, [10:41]
- A side chat arises about band name etymology and classic hits like "Whiter Shade of Pale."
Music Talk: Walk-Up Songs ([46:30]–[55:59])
- Tom proposes cars should play personalized “walk-up” music. Each cast member suggests their own (Lou Reed, Lou Rawls, Peter Gunn theme, “Tusk”, etc.), sparking music memories and ribbing each other over their picks.
- Quote:
  - “Are you kidding? You're in the parking lot of Target, and you're 20ft from your car, and all of a sudden you hear…” – Tom Griswold, [51:47]

3. Sports, Brackets & Prizes

March Madness/Bracketology ([04:14]–[06:49], [13:18], [38:13]–[39:13])
- The crew plugs the show’s NCAA bracket competition, with cash and a giant TV as prizes.
- Lighthearted sports chatter flows through the show, including ribbing each other about knowledge and participation in the contest.
Doghouse Adventure ([19:44]–[28:25])
- Tom shares a heartfelt—if comically “primitive”—project: building a doghouse with his daughters. Listener feedback pokes fun at his handiwork, but the spirit of spending time “off screens” is universally applauded.
- Quote:
  - “It’s about the adventure… It was great because… Instead of looking at video games or looking at TV or looking at their screens, the girls… We spent the whole day doing stuff.” – Tom Griswold, [21:24]

4. Daily Life & Quirky Conversations

Home, Tech, and Family Routines ([13:04]–[16:49])
- Tom describes his elaborate network of night lights, his fears of waking the family, and the challenges (and comedy) of modern appliances—like radio that won’t turn off in his car.
Listener Emails & Fun Facts ([19:44]–[27:37], [29:18]–[33:14])
- Fans send in photos and roast Tom’s DIY skills.
- The crew debates what common household tool people own most of (screwdrivers? tape measures?).

5. News, Trivia, Randomness

Automotive Technology: Walk-up Music Redux ([46:30]–[53:00])
- More debate on whether cars could truly have “walk up” tunes like an athlete’s entrance song.
Travel, Paperboys, and Odd Jobs ([105:04]–[111:02])
- Listener stories spark a chat on the lost era of paper routes, bike nostalgia (Schwinn Tornado!), and the work ethic of earlier generations.

6. “Sexy Time” with Ali Breen

Advice Segment ([141:28]–[155:17])
- Ali Breen fields real relationship/love life questions:
  - Should you tell a new girlfriend you’re dating around?
  - How to react on learning your spouse exaggerated sexual history?
  - Is it a red flag if your partner pees in the sink after a night out?
- The team offers mostly comedic but often practical takes.
- Quote:
  - “If this is a one and done, move on... but pay attention.” – Jess Hooker, [154:26]

7. Oddball News and World Records

World Baseball Classic Recap ([66:12]–[67:19])
NBA: Technical Foul for Tipping the Ball with a Shoe ([82:51]–[83:15])
World Record: Longest-serving Gravedigger ([83:59]–[87:12])
- An Indiana man’s 73+ year career as a gravedigger is discussed—complete with jokes about piecework and “digging your own grave.”
Listener Mail: Cousin Marriages ([133:24]–[137:22])
- The legality and social quirks of first-cousin marriage in various states get a surprisingly lively debate.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

About Tom’s Night Lights:
- “My entire house has night lights throughout the entire house.” – Tom Griswold, [13:50]
Music Tangent:
- “You get up in the morning, you have motivational music, and it might be one day. It's Conquistador. Is that what you're telling me?” – Christy Lee, [12:37]
Doghouse Build:
- “You upgraded your truck tires. You upgraded your mattress. Maybe it's time to upgrade—what you stand on all day.” – Christy Lee, [15:32] (riffing on Orange Insoles ad but fits the DIY theme)
Sexy Time—on paternity tests:
- “Can you put a number on that—what percentage of people do that [secret paternity test]?” – Tom Griswold, [149:17]
Comedy on cousin marriages:
- “Florida is among 16 states that have no restrictions on first cousin marriages.” – Pat Godwin, [134:25]
- “I think a lot depends on how hot your first cousin is.” – Jeff Oskay, [134:47]

Timestamps of Key Segments

El Conquistador Prank Call: [00:51]–[03:19]
Procol Harum/Music Nostalgia: [05:35]–[12:08]
Orange Insoles Bracket Promo: [13:18], [38:13]
Doghouse Build & Emails: [19:44]–[28:25]
Walk-up Song Discussion: [46:30]–[55:59], [61:19]–[64:00]
Sports and Bracket Updates: [66:12], [82:51]
Gravedigger Record Story: [83:59]–[87:12]
Sexy Time w/ Ali Breen: [141:28]–[155:17]
Cousin Marriage Laws: [133:24]–[137:22]

Episode Tone & Style

Playful, fast-paced, occasionally sardonic, and always self-aware.
Frequent inside jokes, callbacks, and ribbing among long-time cohosts.
Practical life talk and humor intertwined—especially around family, technology, and nostalgia.

For Newcomers: Why Listen?

This episode captures The BOB & TOM Show’s blend of rapid-fire comedy, Americana, and group chemistry. You’ll hear improvisational sketches, music talk, real-life mishaps, wry social commentary, much ado about sports, and relationship advice that veers from hilarity to genuinely helpful. Even if you’re not a regular, the hosts’ camaraderie and topical riffing make for a breezy, laughter-filled listen.

Skip ahead for “El Conquistador” and musical goofing; tune in at [46:30] or [141:28] for inventive segments and “Sexy Time” advice with Ali Breen.

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The BOB & TOM Show - March 18, 2026