The BOB & TOM Show - March 3, 2026

Summary

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The BOB & TOM Show - March 3, 2026

Podcast Summary: Lighthearted Comedy, News, Sports, and a Visit from Bruce Bruce

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Episode Overview

This episode of The BOB & TOM Show delivers its signature blend of smart-alecky humor, off-the-cuff quips, and discussions about everything from marriage and sports uniforms to college football, oral hygiene tips, and strange news stories. Standup comic Nick Griffin brings wry divorce observations, and touring comic Bruce Bruce visits to plug his new Netflix special. Packed with inside-jokes, witty observations, and a lively crew rapport, this episode is a classic dose of Bob & Tom’s irreverent take on daily life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Comedy Guest: Nick Griffin on Divorce & Dating

• 00:20–03:23
  Nick Griffin opens the show reflecting on divorce and the realities of long-term marriage:
  • "So many people get divorced these days that now it's the people that stay married. That really seems strange..." (Nick Griffin, 00:27)
  • He jokes about the seriousness of wedding vows and the unspoken challenge: "Do you think you're smarter than Einstein?" (00:12)
  • The awkwardness of saying "I love you" in relationships: "Once you say I love you the first time, get ready to say it forever. You're on the love side now. There's no going back." (02:11)
  • Funny analogy to military protocol for saying “I love you”: "You're like the two generals turning the keys at the same time." (02:59)

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2. Sports Talk: NCAA Football Uniform Changes

• 04:26–06:56, 80:39–83:14
  Discussion on proposed NCAA rule requiring football players to have their ankles covered (“pants to the shoe”).
  • Hosts lampoon the focus on uniform minutiae—especially as college athletes can now make money—and joke advertisers might want the space on pants for logos.
  • Amusing speculation on "gambling ads printed on their ass" and Yogapants comparisons.

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3. Male Contraceptive Pill & Classic Wordplay

• 07:01–09:50
  A comical reader letter about a male contraceptive slowing sperm motility leads to a wordplay tangent:
  • Listener joke: "The man puts it in his shoe. It makes him limp." (08:29)
  • The cast groans at the bad pun, admiring the classic SNL “Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute” reference.

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4. Fashion & Social Observations: Yoga Pants & Camel Toe

• 10:18–12:02
  Animated crew conversation about yoga pants and the revealing mishaps ("full camel toe") in public, and whether to alert someone to wardrobe malfunctions.
  • "I put it to you, Your Honor—what would you have done?" (11:11, riffing on courtroom dramas)

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5. News Teasers: Animals, Dinosaurs, Coffee, and Boy Kibble

• 12:02–13:21
  Christy Lee previews a veritable animal parade in the news: "dinosaurs, monkeys, and owl stories," with a special focus on animal intelligence (like silent owl flight).
  • Introduction of the "boy kibble" trend—protein-centric, quick-assembly meals for fitness-obsessed men.

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6. Strange but True: Shoplifting, Self-Checkouts & Taco Seasoning Heist

• 61:00–64:19
  Crew shares bizarre listener stories about self-checkouts with no cashiers and a man stealing $40,000 in trading cards by scanning taco seasoning packets (matched on weight) instead.
  • Decoding how tech-enabled self-checkout enables new shoplifting schemes.

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7. Letters Segment: Pop Culture Mandela Effects & Debunked Myths

• 21:01–24:01
  A listener corrects the myth that Sandy Duncan ever had a glass eye, sparking a round of showbiz trivia (Sammy Davis Jr. did, Duncan did not).
  • The crowd riffs lightheartedly on other “Mandela effect” topics, Berenstain Bears, and the Richard Gere gerbil urban legend.

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8. Family Moments: Tom’s Daughter Asks About Orphanages

• 39:04–42:49
  Tom recounts his 10-year-old daughter's somber dinner table question: “If you and dad both die, do I get sent to an orphanage?”
  • The hosts reflect on classic sitcom scenarios ("My Three Sons," "Stranger Things"), family wills, and the pop culture origin of children's fears.

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9. Odd News & World Records

• 87:46–84:41
  News highlights include the oldest competitive pool player (98-year-old Maggie Kennedy), world’s largest coral colony discovered by a mother-daughter science team, and invasive animal oddities.
  • "That's a record. Oh my God—it's just somebody existing for a while." (Chick, on oldest person records, 83:31)

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10. The Great Food & Toothpaste Debate

• 45:44–49:49; 140:06–143:03
  Caesar Salads & Dressing: Christy admits to ordering "Caesar salad without Caesar dressing," triggering debate on what makes the classic salad, and a digression into restaurant awkwardness and salad-ingredient etiquette.
  Toothpaste Innovations: Introduction of limited-edition Reese's Peanut Butter Cup toothpaste, with the cast riffing on childhood toothpaste flavors, jingle memories ("You'll wonder where the yellow went…"), and nostalgic gum brands (bazooka, double bubble).
  • "You'll wonder where the yellow came from when you brush your teeth with bubble gum." (Tom, 143:32)

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11. Tribute Bands & Musical Tangents

• 58:40–59:47
  Josh riffs about "Brit Floyd," a British Pink Floyd tribute band, and the weirdness of tribute acts crossing national lines.
  Later, music history trivia: Buffalo Springfield, Moonlighting’s network, and Tone Loc’s big hits ("Wild Thing," "Funky Cold Medina").

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12. Coffee & Caffeine Science

• 145:54–149:51
  The crew explores a new study claiming caffeine can alleviate anxiety/depression, expressing skepticism and poking fun at “miracle cure” headlines.
  • “Every time I see these headlines, it’s always one glass of wine a day, or three cups of coffee." (Josh, 149:34)
  • Anecdotes about food/family habits, rebellion by buying different detergent, and the familial ties of brand loyalty.

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13. Animal Science: The Marvel of Silent Owl Flight

• 156:29–157:19
  Fascinating news segment about scientists studying owl feathers and skin to develop new, lighter and quieter noise-cancelling materials—potential impact on industrial design and automotive soundproofing.
  • “Researchers developed a lightweight, two-layer aerogel that mimics these natural structures.” (157:00)

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14. Comedian Spotlight Interview: Bruce Bruce

• 124:02–133:08
  • Bruce Bruce calls in to promote his first Netflix standup special in 15 years, "I Ain't Playing," filmed in Chicago at The Vic.
  • Shares stories of growing up in Atlanta, why he wouldn’t return to his old neighborhood, and his preference for interacting with fans after shows.
  • Jokes about his time at Frito Lay: "Used to sell a bag and eat three bags." (Bruce Bruce, 127:57)
  • Talks about wishing to voice-act as a “big, happy rabbit” or a silverback gorilla.
  • “People always say, ‘I thought you were taller.’ And I say, ‘How big is your TV?’” (127:04)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Divorce:
  "They should tell you that before you get married. ... Do you think you’re smarter than Einstein?"
  — Nick Griffin, 01:12

• On Football Uniforms:
  "Why don’t they just tell them wear football pants. You’re playing football."
  — Chick, 05:56

• On Shoplifting Tactics:
  "The man would grab trading cards and an equal number of taco seasoning, scan only the taco seasoning... almost $40,000 in revenue."
  — Christy Lee, 62:11

• On Mouse-Flavored Cat Food:
  "Why is there no mouse flavored cat food on the market?"
  — Jeff Oskay, 154:31

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• 00:20–03:23 – Nick Griffin on divorce and relationships
• 04:26–06:56, 80:39–83:14 – NCAA Football uniform changes and fashion ads satire
• 07:01–09:50 – Male contraceptive pill & reader joke
• 10:18–12:02 – Yoga pants, camel toe, and fashion observation
• 21:01–24:01 – Pop culture myths and Mandela Effects
• 39:04–42:49 – Tom’s daughter asks about orphanages
• 58:40–59:47 – Tribute bands, music tangents
• 61:00–64:19 – Shoplifting tactics with taco seasoning
• 124:02–133:08 – Guest interview: Bruce Bruce
• 140:06–143:03 – Chocolate/peanut butter toothpaste, nostalgic oral care
• 145:54–149:51 – Coffee/caffeine and mental health science
• 156:29–157:19 – Owl-inspired noise reduction science
• 154:31–155:24 – Mouse-flavored cat food debate

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Tone & Style

The episode serves up the show’s trademark blend: conversational, goofy, just-left-of-center observational humor, and playful sarcasm. It’s a rollicking group hang—full of sly jabs, running gags, and digressive banter—from veteran radio comics and guests who don’t take themselves (or their “news”) too seriously.

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Useful for Listeners Who Missed the Episode

If you missed this installment, you’ll get a taste of everything that makes the BOB & TOM Show tick:

• Jokes about the weirdness of the modern world (football pants as ad space, “boy kibble” diets, and Reese’s-flavored toothpaste),
• Delightfully meandering crowd chatter about pop culture "facts,"
• Off-color running jokes (from Caesar salad etiquette to glass-eyed celebrities to shoplifting hacks),
• A big-hearted interview with Bruce Bruce.

No matter your favorite flavor of funny, this episode has it: sports, mock-philosophy, family, food, and animal antics—seasoned with a healthy scoop of snark.

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Transcript

[A]

It's the Bob and Tom Show.

[B]

So, Nick, let's start with the basics. Are you married, guy?

[C]

No, I got. Just got divorced.

[B]

Yeah. Sorry to hear about that.

[C]

It's okay. Lots of people get divorced. Nothing to be ashamed of. So many people get divorced these days that now it's the people that stay married. That really seems strange, you know, 25 years. Oh, my God.

[B]

What happened?

[C]

Don't you know you can get out of it?

[B]

Haven't you heard?

[A]

What's the deal, dude?

[B]

Make up.

[C]

Well, we only lasted three years.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Yeah, three years. We were supposed to be together and until one of us died, I never even had a fever. You gotta reevaluate yourself after you get divorced. You people been anyone here?

[A]

Anyone?

[C]

Quite a few.

[B]

There it is. This will make you feel better.

[C]

Einstein got divorced.

[B]

He did, yeah.

[C]

Did you know that Albert Einstein, arguably the most intelligent man who ever lived, got divorced? They should tell you that before you get married. Shouldn't be. Do you love her? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her? It should be, do you think you're smarter than Einstein?

[D]

Stone,

[C]

The point is, is that marriage is hard. No one tells you how hard it's going to be. It's, you know, they slip it into the ceremony at the last second during the vows, you know, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poor. But at that point, what are you going to say?

[B]

Whoa, whoa.

[C]

How sick and poor is this broad going to get? Like barfing and charging.

[A]

Stu.

[B]

Nick Griffin is our guest comedian. Nick Griffin, how long ago has it been since you got the divorce?

[C]

It was about three years ago.

[B]

Oh, so you're dating then?

[C]

I guess, kind of, you know, not. Nothing serious.

[B]

I don't want to.

[C]

You know what I don't want to do? I don't want to say I love you anymore. I hate that first, I love you. That's the worst first time you ever tell a woman you love her. If they like you, they want to hear it. And when they hear it that first time, something comes over them, you know, their eyes get all wide, get that diabolical grin on their face. You can almost feel them saying, excellent. It's all falling into place, you know? And once you say I love you the first time, get ready to say it forever. You're on the love side now. There's no going back. There's no, talk to you later, honey. See you tomorrow. It's I love you every night before bed.

[B]

Every single phone call.

[C]

She's got to say it. You got to say it. You know, you're like the two generals turning the keys at the same time. I love you, Nikki. Yeah, I know. You told me yesterday. I believed you. Aren't you going to say you love me? I did two hours ago. We have Alzheimer's. Write it down.

[A]

Hey there. Hi there ho there. From the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios, it's the Bob and Tom Show. Hello, Christy lee.

[E]

Hi, Chick McGee.

[A]

I heard you weekly laughing in the hallway to somebody. I could tell you what they said. You, you wanted them to think it was funny, but you weren't really invested. It was kind of. It was kind of.

[F]

This

[A]

one of those laughs?

[E]

All right, you know, whatever.

[A]

I think Oscar ran his trap. Christie's trying not make, feel, feel.

[B]

No idea.

[E]

I actually. It was Jason.

[A]

Oh. Worse yet, what he say? Can you say what he said?

[E]

He was quoting Nick Griffin about something that is.

[A]

Oh, okay. And then Chrissy went.

[E]

That's cute.

[B]

Maybe it must be the delivery. Nick does such a nice job.

[A]

There's Pat Godwin.

[G]

Hey Chick.

[A]

There's Josh Arnold.

[D]

Hello.

[A]

There's Ace Cosby. Hey, I am Chick. And hello Tom.

[B]

Hello, Chick McGee. We have interesting news coming up from the world of college football today. Oh. As the focus will be turning to college basketball momentarily. Yes, check.

[A]

No, no, that's fine.

[B]

No, I mean it's a ridiculous news story.

[A]

Oh yeah. I. I don't know what, what I want to say. There's so many wrong things with this story. I think the NCAA doesn't have anything to do right now. Their big thing was keeping cash out of players hands. Oh my God. Now of course that is moot. Or as my mom would say, it's mute.

[B]

It's Christy, it's about the pants.

[E]

Oh.

[B]

You noticed anything watching any college football lately that.

[A]

No, I think it started with the kickers.

[E]

Are they see through?

[A]

No, no, no. They were wearing shorts.

[B]

They're not wearing pants any.

[A]

Pretty much no pants, no pads. And here's where I was confused. Which. Yes, haha. Doesn't take much but NCAA football panel proposed uniform changes that would require players to cover their ankles. Why they are. I think they're approaching. But being that I Specific Division 1 Football Rule Subcommittee's proposal recommends that players wear leg coverings from the top of their shoes to the bottom of their pants. So this to me in my brain I can still wear shorts, but I have to wear some sort of compression

[B]

locks up to your leggings.

[A]

Why don't they just tell them wear football pants. You're playing football. Did you hear Herb street go nuts on that one game. That's not football. Get that guy off the field. One of the kicker thing. Oklahoma kicker was short. Yeah.

[B]

Well, I think maybe make them kick

[E]

better because they're not hindered.

[B]

Yeah, they're elusive. But I mean, it's not just the kickers that are not wearing pads. I think it's because they want to be able to put more advertising on the pants. Just all this gambling out there they got.

[A]

I don't think there's other than like a Nike logo or Adidas logo yet. Well, I guess it's wasted real estate, isn't it?

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you think? Pilot truck stops wants to put a big. Oh, no, no.

[B]

I think it would primarily be gambling. No, you can bet on 1st and 10. Call this number.

[A]

You can bet on anything.

[B]

Yeah, well.

[A]

Oh, you could have that printed on their ass, right?

[B]

Well, either a tattoo or on their pants.

[A]

Yeah, that'd be all right.

[B]

That's coming up in sports.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We also have your letters. Pat has got his new keyboard over there.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And I understand that because you have the new keyboard, you have a song you want to play on a couple

[G]

I could do, I think.

[D]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

We actually have an early morning request. Oh. With no context, but we'll. We'll get to that coming up. And also we did have a news story, I think last week about the research, I want to say, was it at Michigan State University about the male contraceptive pill? Do you remember this story?

[E]

Yep.

[B]

The essence of it was slows their sperm down and that got into the whole subject of motility. Yeah. So I. But I guess if I'm getting it right, the notion was this male contraceptive would. I guess the sperm wouldn't. They couldn't be bothered to swim.

[D]

Right.

[E]

They wouldn't make it up there.

[B]

They'd just be.

[A]

Don't you think this kind of kicking

[B]

back, lazy rivering it.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Wouldn't that be incredibly easy for a man to lie about that he took a pill? Oh, no, we can't. We can't. Oh, it's okay. I took my sperm slower pill. It'll be fine.

[B]

I think people have been lying about birth control.

[D]

Sure.

[B]

Since it was invented. But I got this from a guy whose name. Is everybody ready for this?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Garvin. Fred Garvin, male prostitute. For those of you that are familiar with one of the greatest bits ever in Saturday Night Live with Dan Aykroyd.

[E]

You think he's named after that?

[B]

I doubt it. His name is actually. Well, his first name starts with a D. Oh, okay.

[A]

Dick Garvin.

[B]

Oh, God. If it's Dick Garfin, I am so sorry, Dick. Dick is a fine listener. He goes. Subject heading. Male contraceptive pill. Text of email. The man puts it in his shoe. It makes him limp.

[A]

Okay, I. I really don't get that. Well, limp.

[B]

You see guy limbs, he can't. If his. If his. The motility isn't going to be in motion because the. The erectile essence will have a limp

[D]

penis and you have a limp that you walk with.

[A]

Oh, so you put the pill in the shoe.

[D]

Mr. Garvin's confused.

[A]

Yeah. Put the pill in the shoe.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I hate Garvin.

[B]

I love this joke.

[A]

I don't want anything to do with Garvin. Mr. Garvin, if I'm limping, you're automatically going to assume that my penis is limp.

[D]

No, no, it's all right. You know what? You don't have to get every joke.

[A]

Hey, sometimes I'm irritated.

[B]

It's too early for wordplay quite often.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Today I have a screaming. I have a screaming headache. I.

[A]

No kidding.

[B]

I got a. One of my girls is sick. I am not.

[A]

All right, everybody. Tom has a headache. Hold it down.

[B]

Oh, God. Don't do that.

[G]

Get your whistle out.

[E]

Oh, that's just.

[D]

That was pretty good.

[G]

That was good.

[H]

Thank you.

[A]

Thank you very much.

[G]

Tom still hates it.

[B]

Never had. No, no, no. Can I see that whistle for one second?

[A]

Okay, bring. Are you feeling froggy? You're gonna just shove that at my ass? Is that what you're gonna do? Well, come on over here. Go live back, but come on over here. You'll limp. All right.

[B]

Oh, God. Well, we'll get to the hot pants and football story coming up.

[A]

They are hot pants. Hot pants came out. I lost my mind.

[E]

Oh, God. That was a thing.

[A]

Such a great fashion. Hot pants.

[B]

I think we're doing.

[E]

We wear hot pants.

[A]

Although the greatest, I think we all can agree, are yoga pants. You can't do any better than that, really. And as soon as women realize work, actually you're just naked when you're wearing yoga pants. Somebody's going to find out about that.

[B]

We talked about this last week, over the weekend, I saw a woman in yoga pants, and it was full camel toe. I mean, I don't know how.

[E]

Yeah, some women just don't care.

[B]

Yeah. I think it was provocative. I think she's. That just tells me she wants it.

[E]

Really? Yeah. Is that like an open side? Yeah.

[A]

I put it to you, your honor. What Would you have done.

[B]

He's begging for it.

[G]

They were beige. It looked nude.

[B]

They were ridiculously. I mean. Do you say something?

[E]

No.

[B]

Is it like if someone has a booger hanging from their nose? Do you say if. If a woman is wearing. Has got a camel toe just bulging out there. Hey, you might want to cover that up.

[E]

No, because she might like it.

[D]

Hey, D.H. lawrence, you want to do something about that?

[A]

And that's. That's a thing, right? Some guys like a well endowed area there. And ladies. Yeah, real well. We're very pronounced. Well, this was big as your thumb. Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

[B]

This, this looked like a. Someone had cleaved a watermelon, Right? Now you give me the teaser. What's coming up in the news?

[E]

Christy, we have a lot of owl stories today. I don't know. Yeah, tell me.

[A]

I don't like wordplay.

[E]

We have dinosaurs in the news, monkeys in the news. We have a lot of crazy stuff.

[D]

And dinosaurs are back. Are they in your neighborhood?

[E]

You know what? Dinosaurs are popular.

[A]

Monkey. They are Monkey versus owl. Who you got?

[E]

Oh, I might take an owl.

[A]

You're gonna take the owl?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Monkey reach out, reaches up, grabs both. No legs and slams them on.

[E]

I don't think you can get that close.

[B]

One of the owl stories we have is about how owls can fly in silence.

[E]

Yep.

[B]

And science trying to figure that out, huh? You've seen the famous video of the owl coming at the camera, and it's terrifying at the end when it puts the talons out. A monkey wouldn't have a chance.

[E]

I don't think so. I'm with you. And have you heard of boy kibble? We'll have that coming up.

[D]

Boy kibble, huh?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that story.

[E]

I'm a little boy kibble.

[B]

It's good. It's good. Influencers. I'm an influencer.

[A]

You go into a tavern, three or four of your lady friends, you look at him and go, look at all this boy kibble.

[D]

Yummy.

[A]

That story, it's our nexon. Boy kibble.

[B]

Bunch of dudes looking, looking around, going, oh, boy kibble.

[A]

Bunch of dudes.

[B]

Yeah, that show. That story reeks of sodomy. Let's see now.

[A]

I've got a story for you, Tom, from Twitter.

[B]

Oh, good.

[A]

I know how you like sharks. Or X, whatever it's called.

[B]

Sharks.

[A]

Great white sharks.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, we got sharks in the news.

[A]

Oh, well, someone sent in.

[H]

It's.

[A]

It's stunning.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Do you keep your boat in a marina? If you had a boat, would you keep it in the marina. You drive down there to get your boat?

[B]

Depends.

[A]

Yeah. You think you'd see a shark there? Well, swimming around in the marina, if

[B]

I saw a shark in Walloon Lake, I'd be quite surprised. But we'll see.

[D]

Go ahead.

[B]

Now, I want you to ask the liquido quick question. If you checked your credit card statement lately.

[A]

No need for that. They canceled them.

[B]

Working 40, 50 hours a week, you got just enough to buy groceries, maybe some gas. Well, if you've got a bunch of stuff sitting on that credit card, you could be getting charged more than 20% interest on that baby or more. So that's gonna keep you underwater for a long time. American Financing has some ideas about that. Something that credit card companies hate that could actually help you. They have mortgage rates in the fives and they're showing homeowners how to use their equity to wipe out that high interest debt on those credit cards. Your average savings could run something like 800 bucks a month from American Financing if you start today. You could also delay two mortgage payments. So this might be you. Before you get too far underwater, you might give them a call. This could work out for you. It's a salary based mortgage consultancy. You give them a call at American financing. 866-889-2611. I don't expect you to remember that number. I'll give it again. But if you're really good with this sort of thing, maybe you'll remember it. 866-889-2611. Better yet, go to americanfinancing.net bobandtom It's a lot easier to remember american financing.net bobandtom See about getting rid of some of that credit card debt with a refi. Get all the details. Once again, it's americanfinancing.net bobandtom and I've got to read the mandatory disclaimer. It's NMLS 182334 nmlsconsumeraccess.org for more information. APR rates in the five start at 6.196 for well qualified buyers. Call 866-889-2611 for details about credit costs and terms or just visit. A lot easier to do this, visit american financing.net bobandtom now coming up, we have also today comedian Bruce. Bruce, well, that's my middle name. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom show.

[I]

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[A]

How are you? You know what time it is?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

It's time for our letters.

[A]

That's right. Emails from our listeners brought to you by sleep number. Hurry in at your last chance to get select sleep number Mattresses take up to 30 to 40% off sleep numbers. Top rated beds only at a sleep number store or sleep number.com and I believe that is available on your computer.

[B]

Yeah, I tell you what, talking about sleeping right now is kind of mean, really.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Don't you think? Yeah, it's. Don't you wish who were still sleeping?

[E]

I do.

[B]

We're. We're fighting upstream.

[E]

But I sure daylight savings time is coming up.

[A]

Please, I don't have a problem. Lose an hour this direction more than I have the other direction and I still haven't figured it out yet. I don't know.

[B]

I'm spring forward.

[A]

I don't think any of you will find this surprising. I'm odd. That's all there is to it.

[B]

True.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We lose an hour.

[E]

Yep.

[B]

This. This throws my dogs off.

[D]

I say beautifully unique.

[A]

Thank you, John.

[D]

You're welcome.

[A]

Did you hear that? I'm beautifully unique.

[B]

What are you hanging out? Well, there are really no degrees of uniqueness. If something is one of a kind, it's one of them.

[D]

That's why I didn't measure it.

[B]

Something can't be more unique.

[D]

I didn't say that.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's beautiful. Qualitative.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. It's very pretentious.

[A]

Well, you just can't stand it, can you? You come over here and you're pussing my cornflakes. I know you do.

[B]

Coming up. I. I brought up sleeping again because a. I love my sleep number bed. That's for sure. But we have a thing about do you go to bed early just so you can enjoy your morning coffee there? Which is something I Have talked about this. When I read this, I thought, wait a minute.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I often I'll say to when I go to bed, oh, God, I can't wait to get up. I am going to have such a great cup of coffee in the morning.

[E]

Are you serious?

[B]

Absolutely.

[D]

On a Saturday night, like going to bed Friday night, it's like, oh, dude, Saturday. You know, in certain weather, like, I can step out on my deck and have a cup of coffee and this is going to be fantastic. Yeah.

[E]

I don't ever feel.

[B]

Now, Pat, you used to feel that way about booze. I did.

[G]

I would wake up and I would want to have a shot Jameson in your.

[B]

I look forward to it. You never know.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

My mom would talk about her. Her. Let's see her. It was her brother's wife. They were living in Virginia.

[A]

My.

[B]

My parents were living in D.C. because my dad was a clerk in the United States Supreme Court. But they went to visit. My mom went to visit her brother. And he was. He was married to kind of a Southern lady. And my mother noticed that she would have a thing of apple juice at all times in a glass. My mom was a bit naive.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

One day got a whiff of was bourbon.

[D]

I see.

[B]

Can you imagine getting up every day and, well, a quick bracer. And as I saw some would argue, caffeine's just as bad. I'm saying probably not.

[E]

Well, we have a story about how caffeine is not bad. It might actually be good for your brain.

[B]

I love these stories. We'll get to all these. Caffeine's great.

[A]

We all know caffeine's great. Yes, dear Bob and Tom show.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

In reference to your. Oh, wait a minute. Morning, fellas. And Christie. I've been enjoying your Osama Baby Mama Llama drama program.

[D]

Oh, why wouldn't you?

[A]

Brian gets it. Brian gets it from Millsboro, Delaware.

[B]

Oh, I wonder if he enjoys our male contraceptive pill program from Dr. Garvin. Once again, man puts the pill in his shoe.

[A]

You know what? You just. You know what you just did?

[E]

Derailed everything.

[A]

This is the. This is the equivalent of sitting on your porch and you see someone coming, riding their bike toward you, and you run out as they're just about to go past you, and you take a broomstick and throw it in the front.

[H]

Spoke.

[B]

Nothing funnier.

[A]

That's exactly what you just did.

[D]

Nothing funnier. Well, there you go.

[B]

There you go. Oh, come on.

[A]

In reference to your Berenstain bear conversation, I've noticed there's a couple of other Things you guys might not know.

[D]

Okay, I'm sure.

[B]

Once again, it is the Baron Stain Bears. That is the correct pronunciation.

[A]

Seems everybody on the staff doesn't realize Sandy Duncan does not now nor ever has had a glass eye. Her eyes are both original and intact. She is simply blind in one of the left. One of the eyes.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[A]

I'd always gone by what this guy's writing is. You can go ahead and look it up on the Internet or just ask us.

[B]

No, that. I mean, that was the thing. The two famous showbiz glass eyes were Sammy Davis Jr. And Sandy Duncan.

[D]

Yeah, maybe it was a rumor that got started and actually there was never any truth to it.

[B]

Does this mean the gerbil in Richard Gere's ass is also fake?

[A]

Chick doesn't remember. That's me. I don't remember the farm hands being the Cowardly lion and Kid man and the wizard of Oz. I bet Chick also doesn't know that Scarecrow was. Had a revolver during filming. A gun. That's right. Ray Bulger carried a functional pistol as part of his costume. Even at pulling. Even pulling it out during the tree fight scene.

[E]

I don't remember.

[A]

He had an axe. So he had an axe and a pistol.

[D]

What was his original song?

[A]

Pat?

[G]

If I only had a Glock,

[B]

you

[D]

know, I think I might carry a gun too. If Louis B. Mayer were walking around,

[A]

the Tin man had a wrench line. Had a butterfly net.

[B]

Well, I don't.

[A]

God, I don't remember.

[D]

All part of their costumes.

[A]

All part of the costume.

[B]

So wait, wait a minute. One more time. He had a gun where Ray Bolger

[A]

carried a functional pistol as part of his costume. It doesn't say where. Pulled it out during the tree fight scene.

[B]

Brian says that's a very scary scene.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I hate the tree fight scene.

[E]

Yeah, a lot of that's kind of in the sphere.

[A]

The wing monkeys turn this.

[B]

They cut out the tree thing.

[E]

Not all of them.

[B]

That was the scariest part.

[E]

I know, but it's very. It's very edited down, if you will. They have to throw the apples because the apples fall from the ceiling. But other than that, it's.

[A]

Josh refers to his love of Sex in the city. Except the show was called Sex and the City.

[D]

That's what I say.

[A]

Well, he says, you say Sex in the City.

[D]

Well, I'm just. I mean, it may have come out that way a couple times, but yeah, of course, it's sex. Ampersand the city, if you want to get technical.

[A]

I don't Care.

[B]

I don't care where they're putting it.

[A]

I and Pat Godwin. Oh, the Ramones, the Eagles, the Pixies, the Bee Gees. You all love none of the bands. That's. I know this is true. Official. None of them have the. In their name.

[D]

Oh, sure.

[A]

Ramones, Eagles, Pixies.

[B]

Yeah, but they've.

[A]

I know the Eagles are really.

[B]

But about that. They softened that up. It's now the Eagles.

[A]

And he says, everyone do better.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Well,

[B]

Brian and Delaware, he is correct. Sandy Duncan did not have a glass eye. Really?

[D]

Just one of those pop culture things that didn't actually exist, man.

[B]

So I'm sure glad that our tribute to the glass eye is Sammy Davis

[A]

Jr. Oh, that was glass.

[B]

Glad at least we got that correct. And oh, by the way, someone did send me a video clip of the Disco Lifestyle Awards.

[E]

No.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Finally.

[B]

Yeah, yesterday.

[A]

No, we don't have to watch it, do we? Not right now.

[D]

Okay, good.

[A]

Not right.

[E]

Not right now.

[B]

Coming up, comedian Bruce. Bruce will be joining us. And if you're just joining us, this is the Bobaton program. Hello. Nice to be here. Happy to have you here with us. Now, I have another letter here.

[A]

Go.

[B]

You want to hear the big one or the smaller?

[D]

Let's start small.

[A]

Give me the small one first.

[D]

We gotta ease. Ease our way.

[B]

That one. Okay. These are both essentially requests for Mr. God.

[A]

Why don't you do the limp joke again? Maybe that'll help.

[B]

I. I feel bad for Mr. Can suck it. Thank you, Mr. Garb. I enjoyed it very much.

[A]

Much.

[B]

This is someone who works in clinical trials. Serious medical business. He goes. I have patients receiving treatments. I often suggest you guys as a positive option for laughs. Thank you very much. That's very nice.

[A]

What do you mean? This guy stands in front of me. What's the matter with you? Maybe you need to listen to the Bob and Tom show and call me in the morning.

[D]

You need a few yucks.

[B]

Yeah, there you go. For no reason. I woke up this morning singing Coke in the boat in my head. Oh.

[E]

Oh, boy.

[B]

I love you, Pat Gonel.

[A]

You and me both.

[B]

There we go. Pat, do you feel like playing it?

[D]

Sure.

[B]

This is a. A song about a problem that exists in various flotation areas of the ocean where the.

[A]

Where the jetsam are on one today.

[B]

Where the jetsam and the flotsam Rome. Remember the difference, Christy?

[E]

Oh, God, no. One of them.

[B]

The Jetsons. The Jetsam is the stuff you jettison off the boat.

[A]

The Jetsons were the family in the

[B]

future, Flotsam is The stuff floating when the boat sinks. Okay. In this case, the flotsam is barrels of or bundles of cocaine.

[E]

Yeah.

[G]

So we like to know where you got the cocaine. Yeah, we like to know you got the cocaine. There's coconut boat, coconut boat. Maybe coconut. We'll look the boat over. Coconut boat, coconut. Maybe coke and the boat coast cars watching you.

[A]

When will you learn?

[G]

Drug boats drag a little in the stern. Tourists found a stash in the Keys. Border patrol makes these waters drugs free. Drug free. There's coke in the hall, so please explain.

[D]

Someone has to answer for this.

[B]

Coke, cocaine.

[G]

So we'd like to know where you got the cocaine.

[D]

Yeah, we'd like to know where you're taking the cocaine.

[G]

There's coconut. Coconut bowl. Maybe coconut. Hand the boat over coconut. Coconut bowl. Maybe coconut. Talking coconut.

[B]

All right, thank you very much. Okay, here we go. Glass eyes on celebrities.

[A]

Oh, good.

[B]

One of the greats, Peter Falk.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Excuse me.

[D]

That was one more question. Not just lazy. That was very good, by the way.

[E]

Really?

[D]

Yeah. Not just lazy.

[A]

Glass.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

One of my favorite movies of all time.

[A]

You know, the wife and I were knocking one out last night.

[E]

I thought, that is very good, Mr. Peter.

[D]

Peter, please.

[A]

You know she likes a doggy. Oh, let me tell you something. Go watch the Great Race with Peter Falk and Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis and Natalie Wood. I love.

[D]

That's a lot of fun.

[A]

And Peter Falk is wonderful.

[B]

Peter Falk discussing this is actually somewhat of a contemporary topic. Peter Falk is discussing the Bay of Pigs with Alan Arkin.

[D]

Oh, in the in laws.

[B]

In the original In Laws. That is one of the funniest movies ever made.

[A]

Where is the picture of Kennedy? Oh, it's in Peter Falk's garage, right?

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

I thought they were Peter Falk's office.

[A]

Is it in the office?

[B]

And it's. It's signed something like. What is it?

[A]

Kennedy says we'll get him next time.

[B]

If you've been following contemporary.

[G]

Was that movie recognized by the Oscars at all? Anybody get nominated?

[D]

I don't think by the Oscars.

[G]

Well, they should have been.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

You know what? You're not at least script or something.

[B]

Yeah, a great movie. And I was thinking about the Bay of Pigs yesterday because they're talking about possibly now invading Cuba. One at a time, fellas. Doris. Let's see. Other famous glass eyes. Moshe. Diane. Diane. Of course, he always had the eye patch.

[D]

Now, who was that?

[A]

Israel.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He was a military.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Israel.

[A]

He wore a snappy beret. I think and an eyepatch. He cut quite a figure.

[B]

Yeah, he's a badass. James Thurber, That's.

[A]

That's from Columbus, Ohio. Oh, really?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Well, I don't know that I ever saw what he looked like. Oh yeah.

[A]

Chubby guy, near sighted, big, big thick glasses. No, he's still alive.

[B]

How about if we.

[A]

It's not true at all.

[B]

Want to change the topic to eye patch? You've got the. Was it the Hathaway shirt ad?

[A]

Yep. Changed advertising.

[B]

Had the guy with the eyepatch. Long John Silver.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Yeah. Does it count?

[E]

Shirt ad. Wait a minute. What year was that?

[A]

60s.

[E]

Okay. Because I don't remember that.

[B]

It was. They. It was a. This. Their model had an eye patch.

[E]

Huh?

[A]

You mean the restaurant magnet, Long John Silver?

[B]

Yeah, right, of course, of course. By the way, have you ever noticed

[E]

have a eye patch?

[A]

No. But you know that he wasn't called Captain Hook because he had a hook for him. Why would you call his penis hooked to the left?

[D]

Right.

[B]

Just ruined it.

[A]

Absolutely true.

[D]

JM Barrie comes out and says it.

[A]

Yeah, Captain Hook.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You know how he died? He broke his good arm and was unable to use it. It was in a sling.

[A]

That's right. Nice recovery.

[B]

And he was. He was wiping it. Rectal bleeding. A terrible way to go.

[D]

Well, representative Dan Crenshaw, he's.

[A]

Oh, that guy. There you go.

[B]

Very good. Have you noticed, chick, you look at catalogs for whatever jackets and shoes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Why are all the models always so pissed? They always look like sour. Just. They look.

[D]

Yeah, the old joke is that they're starving. Right. You would look that way too.

[A]

Did you say. Speaking of that, have you seen the big viral online at least on the exit. Twitter. Demi Moore at the actors Awards.

[E]

Man, she is thin.

[A]

She looks like she weighs 80 pounds and she's trembling and it's not. It's not good.

[E]

No.

[A]

So she's not smiling. She's trying to smile, I guess.

[B]

Yeah. But even the guys in these, these ads, they look like.

[A]

I don't think.

[B]

They just look miserable. This is a nice jacket. Yeah.

[A]

What percentage of people do you think have a nice smile? That's why. That's why the models don't smile. They don't have nice smiles. Some would say they do have terrible.

[D]

Some do have terrible smiles.

[A]

And they're off putting when they smile.

[B]

That's my Jeffrey Epstein theory. You know what? Oh, I know every picture of him. He's got his mouth like this.

[A]

Well, it's not like that at all. He just has his mouth shut completely.

[E]

He has a bad smile.

[D]

I bet he has tall teeth.

[B]

He. And he looks like he's. He's suppressing a laugh all the time. Like it's. He's going, look, I'm standing next to Bill Clinton.

[D]

You know what? No, he's a man who knew how to keep his mouth shut.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That's why Jeffrey Epstein is smiling, my friends.

[B]

Apparently the people around him.

[F]

Exactly.

[B]

Probably with good reason. The man is.

[D]

Oh, I absolutely agree.

[B]

That's a horrifying was.

[D]

I'm not defending before it's time for you. Before.

[B]

Before he was snuffed by a. I'm not a conspiracy at the jail. What do you mean there's a minute of the tape missing.

[A]

You're going to shoot your shot with a misunderstood hero right about.

[D]

No, I wouldn't defend his super cool behavior. But it's just one of those.

[A]

That's right.

[D]

I mean, he was one of the cool kids, wasn't he?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Coming up, we have.

[A]

I don't like a gummy smile either. A gummy smile that can get like Katie Couric. Yes.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

A lot of gum. Really don't care for it. Like there's, you know, half a quarter teeth and all.

[E]

Gum.

[A]

75% gum.

[B]

I can't believe you brought this up. Coming up, we have a staggering bit of news from the world of toothpaste.

[E]

Yes, we do.

[D]

Like, this is staggering.

[B]

Yes. Now, you know what I think especially for Josh. All right, if this does not live up to what I'm saying, chick, I will give you whatever amount of money I have in my pocket.

[D]

Is it something that we've had a misconception of and now it's being.

[E]

No.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Unfortunately, I have no money in my pocket.

[D]

A new development.

[E]

It's a new toothpaste.

[B]

In a perfect world, you would have invented this.

[D]

I can. I have to assume it's some sort of food flavored toothpaste.

[A]

Gotta be.

[B]

You're on the right track.

[A]

Fresh. And I.

[B]

You're getting.

[E]

You're dealing with.

[B]

You're getting. You're getting.

[D]

Farmer.

[A]

Hey, good morning. Macaroni and cheese. Fresh enough? Something like that.

[B]

It's. It's a staggering development. But right now, where do you brush your teeth?

[A]

At home. That's right. You want to be safe while you're brushing your teeth. That's why you need the simply safe home security system. I'm a big fan. Been using simply say for over 10 years now. You know that. And it was easy to set up at home. I Did it. That tells you how easy it is. And traditional security systems only take action after somebody's already broken in that is way too late. Simply Safe has active guard outdoor protection help prevent break ins before they happen. AI powered cameras, live professional monitoring agents monitor your property and detect suspicious activity. If someone's lurking around, agents can see and talk to them in real time. Activate spotlights and even contact the police all before they have a chance to get inside your home and steal your toothpaste. No long term contracts or cancellation fees. And I'm not the only one. SimpliSafe protects over 4 million people. 60 day satisfaction guarantee or your money back. And oh, by the way, SimpliSafe named best home security system of 2026 by US News and World Report and number one in customer service among home security providers by Newsweek and USA Today. And right now, Bob and Tom show listeners, we have such a deal for you. Get 50% off their new SimpliSafe system with professional monitoring at SimpliSafe. Tom, you have to go to there. That's simply safe. Tom.com For 50 off there is no safe. Like simply say you'll have to go to there.

[D]

Go to there.

[B]

When we come back, what happened at the dinner table last night with one of my girls? Oh, yes, you'll be, you'll be pleasantly surprised. Maybe. Now we're happy to be here in the O'Reilly Auto Part Studios. Thanks for joining us. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[J]

Add to or continue the conversation. Check out the Bob and Tom show show on Facebook. Get the [e-mail] this is the Bob and Tom Show.

[I]

Tired of partisan noise?

[B]

America's more divided than ever. But independent Americans is adding light to contrast. All that heat.

[I]

Independent Americans Daily news with army veteran Paul Rykoff.

[B]

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[I]

Join the movement independent Americans from Believe, follow and listen on your favorite platform.

[A]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. Yeah, they're, they're old. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Part Studios. There's Christy Lee at the news desk.

[E]

Hello, Chick.

[A]

Hey there. There's Pat Godwin.

[G]

Hey, Chick.

[A]

Hey, there's Josh Arnold.

[D]

Hi.

[A]

There's Ace Cosby. Hey, I'm Chick McGee at the sports desk. We're in the email from our listeners segment.

[B]

I got one. All right. You guys are talking about the wizard of Oz.

[D]

That's a pretty classic Movie, isn't it?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Was not.

[E]

Most people have seen it.

[A]

I know. It's a Wonderful Life was kind of a dud when it came out.

[F]

Right.

[A]

Wizard vase. Always a big hit or.

[D]

I think so.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

Okay.

[B]

Dear Bob and Tom show. You guys were talking about the wizard of Oz. Have you seen the famous TV Guide synopsis? No.

[G]

Yes.

[B]

It says, girl transported to a surreal landscape. The young girl kills the first person she meets, then teams up with three strangers to kill again.

[D]

That's funny.

[A]

That's good.

[D]

Peckinpah directed it.

[A]

They had a hepatico junction synopsis in the TV Guide one night and I put a page in from. I think it was Mad. It might have been Mad magazine. It might have been the Lampoon. I forget what it. But I showed it to my dad. The Billy Joe, Bobby Joe, Betty Joe and Tojo move into the shady Rest.

[D]

And I'm one of the last people, I think on the planet that still gets cable. I'm a hanger on so I can see the. When I go to look at the movie channel or stars. It'll give a little synopsis of the movie. They're having AI write these now because they're pulling from reviews. And so instead of saying, you know, John McClane has to defend the tout. The Nakatomi or whatever Tower Christmas. Right. It'll say like mid a middling action adventure with some laughs. Yes.

[A]

Kind of a mini review.

[D]

And some are like, stay away from this. Also not doing anyone any favor.

[A]

No.

[B]

Also, sometimes the guide will cut off on the. On the right side, which can be very unfortunate. Without going into too much detail, there was a very unfortunate edit with regard to the NBC Evening News and Lester Holt.

[F]

Sure.

[B]

It was the Nightly News. I'll let you.

[D]

I remember. Were you with me?

[A]

I guess we were in a movie and Joel Edgerton was.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. It comes at night.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

There was an issue there and then there was one. I saw Clash of the Titans, the remake. And it was. It was. It was Wrath of the Titans, the sequel. And it was the ans. Got cut off from the

[B]

one angry.

[D]

Oh. I texted it to my. My dad and we had a good laugh.

[B]

So last. We're sitting. We're sitting there at dinner last night.

[E]

Boys will be boys.

[B]

It's just me and Kelly at heart because Finn is. Finn was upstairs. She's sick and she was just having some soup by herself.

[D]

Oh, well, hope she gets better, but.

[A]

So you got to keep her up and away from people. Make you sick.

[B]

Heart just turned 10.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

So she looks up and this is, this is the one that asked me not too long ago. She said, now, dad, since you said that if, If I get a tattoo, I won't be in your will. Now, since all my older brothers and sisters have tattoos except for Finn, does that mean Finn and I get to split everything? She's 10.

[D]

That's logic, though.

[E]

Sure.

[B]

But then she goes. Then all of a sudden she blurts out, she looks at Kelly and she goes, mom, if you and dad are both dead, do I get sent to an orphanage? So my question is yes.

[D]

Now shut up and eat your dinner.

[B]

As a parent, the first question I've learned to ask is, okay, well, what movie or TV show are they watching where she found out about the idea of an orphanage? Then we get into this very serious discussion of. Well, no, we. We have made arrangements in our wills.

[D]

You live with Pat Godwin?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Can I take the orphanage?

[B]

She goes. She goes, well, do I get to pick who I live with? Well, you know, you. We try to get to this because there's this whole thing, there's this committee of people in the event that.

[E]

Well, of course that happened.

[F]

Say who?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, yes.

[E]

Who does she want to live with?

[B]

Well, I'm not gonna.

[E]

Oh, I love that.

[B]

Oh, yeah. She immediately said, believe me, her favorite person is not me or her mother.

[D]

Did she say, by the way, are you too allergic to anything?

[B]

That actually did happen to a friend of mine. His parents were both in a. They both became deceased rather quickly.

[D]

And when you were younger.

[B]

No, in ninth grade.

[D]

Okay. And so.

[B]

And he ended up. He ended up living with his buddy. They took him in and.

[D]

Oh, no way. There was no other extended family, no

[E]

aunts or uncles or.

[D]

This was the best case.

[A]

Wow. You know, that's what happened on my Three Sons.

[E]

That's right.

[A]

Remember that?

[D]

Chip and Ernie, Were they just friends?

[A]

A little dark haired kid was Chip. No, Chip was the blonde haired kid.

[E]

Ernie with the glasses.

[A]

I think Uncle. What was Uncle William. William Frawley?

[B]

Bob. But then they had. Then they had Uncle Charlie.

[A]

Bob went crazy and killed Ernie's parents.

[B]

That's more or less what happened. Yeah, I think one of the actors quit the show and they had to have three of them.

[E]

So they, they brought. They just brought in a kid and those two.

[A]

I think you might.

[B]

Look, they were brothers.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, they were brothers in real life.

[E]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Anyway, but these are odd questions from a 10 year old.

[D]

Yeah, but I. Did you kind of enjoy the conversation?

[B]

Yeah, but I was. And I'M turning a little bit. She's been watching Stranger Things over and over again. Is that right? And they. She watched the conclusion of it. I haven't been watching. She watched the conclusion of Stranger Things with a friend, came running down the stairs sobbing.

[D]

Oh, I get it.

[B]

Did you watch, you know what happened? Yeah. Sobbing Yep.

[D]

Oh, sweetie.

[B]

So. But anyway, it's very odd when she goes, are we gonna end up in an orphanage, Daddy?

[E]

Oh, do they even have orphanages?

[B]

Anyway, I don'. I've made arrangements.

[D]

Well, sure, yeah. I mean, but she doesn't. She wouldn't know that.

[E]

Yeah, she does.

[D]

Now, did her list line up with your arrangements at all? Her list of who she would like to.

[B]

Not necessarily Local candy store owner slash stranger. Coming up, we have more of your letters. We have an odd story coming up from the world of college football. We have a lot of news involving a loose monkey in St. Louis.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

What?

[B]

Yes. And we have other animals in the news and coffee drinkers rejoice. We have a very pleasant story about what's happening in the world of drinking coffee. Good news for you coffee drinkers out there. Also, we have. We were talking about thievery and shoplifting. We've got a pretty interesting aspect of that that's happening in the world of the self checkout. I'm not sure. I'm not sure if reading the story is a good idea. It may give someone too many ideas. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[J]

This is the Bob and Tom Show. Reach us toll free at 1-88-8-BOB tom1 or@bob and tom.com this is the Bob and Tom Show.

[B]

Square up. A new podcast from Andre Berto.

[A]

It was going on, man. It's Andre Berto two time Scenes of

[B]

life as a professional boxer.

[A]

People want to see more. They want to see who you are as a fighter. Like I said, the time is now. I really wanted to do that.

[H]

Sit down from a fighter's perspective.

[B]

Find out what it really means to be a fighter inside and outside the ring. This fight game is such a roller coaster.

[A]

Square up, follow and listen on your favorite platform.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom show. In the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios, there's Christy Lee.

[E]

Hello.

[A]

Someone has a problem with Christy. That really doesn't happen that often.

[E]

Oh, what? I do.

[A]

An email from a listener. We'll talk about it. There's Pat Godwin.

[G]

Hey, chick.

[A]

There's Jeff Oskay.

[F]

Hi, friends.

[A]

Son of a gun. Oh, there's Josh.

[E]

Arnold.

[B]

Somewhat presumptuous.

[A]

Yeah, good.

[F]

Barely.

[D]

Hi, Jeff.

[A]

I call everyone friend. Everyone I meet is. Might be a new friend.

[E]

Jeff, you're our friend.

[B]

Or a serial killer.

[A]

There's Ace Cosby.

[B]

You never know.

[A]

Hello, Dear Bob and Tom show.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I've never been more annoyed with this show in my entire life.

[D]

What did I do?

[A]

It's been in Michigan, and when Christy said she's had a Caesar salad but without the Caesar salad dressing.

[E]

Yes,

[D]

that was funny. Yeah, but you did mean it.

[E]

And I don't like Caesar dressing.

[A]

He draws a simile here, and I don't think it connects. But, but maybe I'm not as smart as you guys. That's like saying you've eaten Cheerios without the cereal.

[D]

I know what Ben's doing. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[E]

Cheerios without the milk. Is that wrong?

[D]

Ben's working. He's, he's got a job.

[A]

Well, maybe he should try these letters on another radio show, and then when they work, send them to us.

[B]

No, I understand his disappointment.

[A]

I, I, I was upset when she

[D]

said to say, you can say you've had a. Oh, I love Cobb. Solid. Well, do you get it with the blue cheese crumbles? You know, I don't. It still kind of counts now.

[E]

I like blue cheese crumbles.

[D]

I'm not saying you don't. I'm just saying that's still kind. But to say you had a Caesar salad without the dressing. I don't know that you had a Caesar salad.

[E]

This is what I have. Romaine with Parmesan.

[D]

Yeah.

[G]

That's all you had.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And isn't it possible now that you can have a Caesar salad with ranch dressing?

[D]

No, I have seen, I have seen it do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

That's not a Caesar salad. That's a ranch salad.

[A]

Oh, well, look, look who we're hearing from.

[B]

Oh, I see.

[A]

Well, well, well.

[D]

Tom. Do you like the Caesar salad?

[B]

That's all I ever get.

[D]

Do you want to see the anchovies?

[B]

On occasion I do.

[D]

I kind of don't mind seeing them every now and again. It tells me I'm in a nicer place, I'll tell you.

[E]

Have you been to the restaurant where they make the Caesar salad at your table?

[D]

I don't think so.

[G]

That's a treat.

[B]

I find that very intimidating.

[E]

Really?

[A]

I was a.

[B]

Then all of a sudden you go, well, like, we have to stop our conversation. As we were. We were probably having some in depth conversation. I don't want, you know, to get. I Want to get.

[E]

You were.

[A]

You were certainly about something.

[B]

You know, here I'm. I'm discussing the nuances of Kiera Cagard versus Sartre and I've got some guy, he's getting cream sauce on my.

[D]

How about you and I go, we get this Caesar, this table and you and I start the most awkward conversation

[A]

we can while the guy's there making the salad.

[D]

Right, right.

[A]

If he doesn't want to do it, I'm in.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Something utterly inappropriate.

[D]

Real. So that it like, seems like realistic sounding. Like. Boy, I. I'm telling you, the syphilis just will not like something that could. Yes.

[G]

Boy, this anal fissure.

[B]

Seriously, like, you know, I went to. I went to. I went to Home Depot to get the shovel.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I went to Menards to get the lime and then. Did you get the Visqueen?

[D]

I did.

[B]

You know, they was the shovel good enough to go six feet deep tape?

[D]

Oh, it'll. It'll. Trust me, I've used it before.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

It's going six feet.

[G]

That's perfect.

[A]

I was a celebrity waiter at a restaurant that they had Caesar salads.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Let's just put it this way, it did not go well. There was salad and dressed.

[E]

Did you have to make.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Heck yeah.

[A]

Oh, they thought it was hilarious.

[D]

You were tossing things around like the Swedish.

[A]

Oh, man. All over the place. Good lord.

[D]

Oh, I bet you're. You're the guests loved it.

[A]

Oh yeah. You know, I gave them their chick thing. You know, their chick moment. Yeah, sure. I do it for the kids, Tom. You know that.

[B]

Sure, of course. Yeah. And we did. We were talking about this because we found out yesterday that. What is it, March 10? Is that ranch dressing day?

[E]

Yep. Very good. National ranch dressing.

[A]

And doesn't ranch dressing have like pillows and blankets?

[B]

Yes.

[E]

Hidden Valley jackets.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I believe this. That we had a. I'm trying. Who had the milkshake? That was Culver.

[E]

Culver.

[B]

No, no, it was some. Somebody had an official ranch dressing milkshake.

[D]

Well, some reason I was thinking. Oh, no, it was. It was at a. I thought it was Culver's.

[B]

Yeah, Great Wolf Lodge.

[C]

That's it.

[B]

Oh, of course.

[F]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. It's a great place.

[E]

By the way, Great Wolf Lodge. They describe the beverage as sweet and tangy vanilla ranch shake topped with. With fried chicken, carrots and celery, finished with a sweet and salty lime rim and whipped cream.

[D]

Boy, that's. That's a tough sell.

[F]

If you've ever been to Great Wolf Lounge, that's Probably the best $45 shake you'll ever have

[D]

been.

[F]

Pricey.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. But they've got the big indoor pool and the slides. Yeah, it's fun. And if they keep serving, as I said, if they keep serving the ranch dressing milkshakes, all the kids will be swimming in T shirts.

[D]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

Little boy boobs.

[D]

And that will slow you down on a water sl. Sure, I can tell.

[H]

And your.

[A]

Your beef with Great Wolf Lodge. You don't like the water in the elevator.

[D]

Remember there was a. There was a gig I used to do all the time. Like twice a year and it was. We had to stay at the Great Wolf Lodge. So I would bring in my bags. Yeah, you did it.

[G]

Oh yeah.

[D]

Just a soaking wet elevator every time

[A]

and you're carry on with hint of chlorine for a month.

[B]

It is fun. Incredibly fun.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

I love seeing the family.

[B]

It's a great place. Place I love Dear Bob and Tom show.

[A]

Oh boy.

[B]

This is a two parter. I'll read part two first. Oh, I remember a long time ago, Chick McGee was building a tiki bar in his back porch. Was it ever completed?

[A]

No, no, that was a nervous breakdown number one. Here's what happened. No, I. Yeah, I had a deck at. Yeah. And I thought that would be fun.

[B]

Never happened.

[A]

Boy, I put away a lot of vodka. No, no, it never happened.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's from Gary in Lexington Paw, S.C. w. Curveball. Yeah, that's my. Remember my, my, my coffee table book of Famous Cities. But not in the state you think they're in, right?

[A]

I, I what?

[D]

And what publisher has picked that up?

[B]

Random House. I pre order Bennett Surf personally came

[A]

back from Bennett Bennett Surf.

[G]

I said name me.

[B]

You don't hear right up by the way he spells it. S U, R F. It's a different different.

[A]

Speaking of those clowns, is Orson Bean still alive?

[D]

No, it wasn't that.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Yeah, right.

[B]

He lived to be pretty old. Quite old.

[E]

What did he do except for be on game shows?

[B]

He wrote a great book called Orgone and Me about Wilhelm Reich and orgasm therapy. A little bit of a.

[E]

What made him famous?

[D]

I think he was just sort of a humorist is what I.

[E]

Okay. Did he have like an editorial column or something?

[G]

Yeah, it was called Flicking the Beast. I think

[A]

when Tom said what book he wrote, did anyone else here.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[A]

I frozen into boredom.

[B]

Yeah, it's an interesting, interesting concept.

[A]

What does Orson Bean know about an orgasm that I don't?

[B]

It's about. It's this. That's what I want. There was a famous therapist, Dr. Wilhelm. Right.

[D]

I don't think.

[A]

Well, what is, what is this? Right? Is he the first Wilhelm Reich or is he the second?

[B]

He's not the third Reich. That's what you're asking.

[D]

Chick, I don't think you realize you. The sentence you just constructed is as funny as anything I've ever heard. What does Orson be know about an orcas? Yeah, if you, if you were walking through a restaurant, you heard somebody say that at a table.

[B]

You got to be one for the guys making the Caesar salad next year.

[A]

I've said it before. I've told you this. I am. I want to go somewhere, write incidental dialogue. That would be my, my various bread and butter.

[B]

This turns into a request pattern that. Oh boy. Dear Bob and Tom, this once again is Gary and Lexington, South Carolina. I overheard my wife reading my 11 year old son's school paper that he has to turn in tomorrow. Once I realized it was about the life of Louis Armstrong, I yelled out polyps, corn and Louis Armstrong's horn. The rectum of Ella Fitzgerald.

[A]

Yeah, it was, ah, what a classic.

[G]

Have you heard this, Jeff?

[D]

I don't think you've heard this.

[G]

Have you heard this,

[B]

Chick?

[G]

Have you heard this?

[A]

I. I've heard it and I want

[D]

to hear it again.

[B]

It's a tribute to the great Louis Armstrong, among other things. And the great jazz vocalist Ella Fitzgerald.

[G]

It sits down below like the ship. We all know the rectum of Ella Fitzgerald. She'd scared when she sang and her bottom would bang a disaster when the winds would come early. The Fitzgerald family emailed me, said stop singing about poor grandma's rectum. I said, I'll do my best, but Tom has a request and it's very hard to reject him.

[E]

Oh.

[G]

A doctor, it said, would always turn his head when performing her colon procedure.

[B]

Best line in the song.

[G]

There's polypson, corn and Louis Armstrong's horn.

[B]

Thank you, gary.

[A]

In Lexington, S.C. where was the applause break?

[B]

Well, the colon procedure line is so brilliant because it is an absolute reflection of the shoe shoehorned in line in the original. Thank you, Pat. That. I appreciate that very much. Coming up, our discussion about walking into a CVS and not being able to find a human being in there working. We have a part two on the way. Also, we have some sporting news. You want to give me the little bit of a hint as to what's going on?

[A]

NCAA making noise about the uniform uniform code and college football. The Detroit Lions and the Tex got together and made a trade yesterday. What is it? Free agency began. Two. Two o' clock today or sign. Oh, Franchise tags. That's a deadline. This afternoon, 4 o' clock Eastern. We'll talk a little bit about that and who's going to get tagged and who's not. Tag. You're it. And also. What is that? The oldest competitive pool player. Oh.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Male or female?

[A]

Female.

[D]

Oh, okay. Yeah, they're male.

[G]

They. It.

[A]

Female.

[D]

They're great at pool.

[B]

8 ball in the side pocket.

[A]

That's right. You're no Jackie Gleason, I'll tell you that.

[B]

I'll tell you what. Minnesota Fats. Yeah, I did them.

[A]

I had to work around for a while.

[B]

Things buried in there.

[A]

It was buried in there.

[D]

It pushed down on the pouch there. It comes out.

[B]

I tell you what, you say you. You can't shoot pool with a rope. Fat's Domino.

[A]

Wait a minute.

[D]

Wow, ma', am, you really got around. You found your thrill somewhere else.

[B]

Yeah, Blueberry held my ass.

[A]

That man was hung like a donkey.

[B]

Excuse me, ma'. Am. We have a place we have to go here. We talk about lots of stuff on this show. This is something I really genuinely think is terrific.

[E]

Oh, look, there's a picture of Gravy on our aura frame.

[B]

There you go. It's. Oh, the aura frame. The aura frame is a picture frame,

[A]

and I hate that cat.

[B]

It's electronic and it rotates pictures through it. Photographs or videos sitting there being all. And, oh, there's one day wordle. The answer was Radio Today, ladies and gentlemen. You'll be fine. We took a picture of that. There's a picture of Mr. Rosky and Wilbur at some kind of a comedy show. The idea is you can stuff this thing. Imagine back in the day, you'd have to take a big stack of photographs and have a person standing there just picking them up and rotating them. Now, through the magic.

[E]

Yeah, I put them in a scrapbook.

[A]

This is a lot better.

[B]

After the magic of electricity, they rotate through on their own. It's the aura frame.

[A]

Wait a minute. Go back to that last one. Thank you, Finster.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

See, Finster's my photo guy.

[B]

Yeah. He'd want to take breaks.

[A]

Oh, yeah, Hard worker.

[E]

This is benefits.

[B]

This thing's rolling 24 7. It's great. It's called the aura Frame. A U R A. You get [e-mail] and for a limited time, Bob and Tom show listeners get 35 bucks off the best seller, which is the Carver Matte Frame. It's A matte black. That's it right there. Use the code word tom.aura frames.com. the promo code is Tom. You can preload it. If you're giving it as a gift, you can put a bunch of photos on there and then you could be in a different place and you can still load it with stuff. So this is a great gift for. Maybe you're having a baby and you want to give the grant soon to be grandma a nice gift and every morning she can wake up and look, there's a new picture of you have it. My baby of little Claude. The point is. Thank you. By the way, that sad news about that song.

[E]

Ah, Neil Sadaka.

[A]

No, it's Paul Anka.

[E]

Oh, that was Paul Anka.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. In that sphere. The point is the aura frame is great. It's. I love mine. And I. As soon as we started talking about it, I got one, I went and bought one. I love it.

[E]

It.

[B]

You can get one for yourself. Once again, aura or a frames dot com. The promo code is Tom. Tell them the Bob and Tom show sent you, please. Now, coming up, we have some sporting news. More letters. The mystery is that a ghost in this store.

[A]

We might be at the mountaintop of Tom Isms this morning.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

From. From the email.

[B]

I'm looking forward to that.

[A]

Certainly.

[B]

These are the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios and this is the Bob and Tom Show.

[A]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. There's Christy Lee at the news desk.

[E]

Hi, Chick McGee.

[B]

Hi there.

[A]

There's Pat Godwin.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

There's Jeff Oskay.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

There's Ace Cosby. Hi. Hello, Tom. Did I say Josh Arnold?

[D]

No, no.

[B]

Hi.

[D]

But that's okay. Hey, man.

[A]

Hi, Tom.

[D]

Tom, I have an issue that I'd like to raise real quick. It's tribute bands can be fantastic. They can be really great. I was recently invited to go see have you guys heard of Brit Floyd? A tribute band? Of course. Pink Floyd. I have a problem with Brit Floyd. I don't like when these British people try to take the music of great American bands and do it themselves.

[A]

I agree.

[G]

I agree.

[D]

It gets old.

[A]

You're here.

[D]

It misses something. I don't know why you. This is upsetting me. I don't know why you're laughing.

[B]

Okay, sorry. Well, we were talking about my adventure the other morning, early Sunday morning. I went into CVS not too far from my house and I had to return something. I had purchased a product and it was defective and I. I walked in there and I couldn't find anybody. And I walked around and I went down every aisle. I'm looking around, there's. I couldn't find a single person working there.

[D]

Sometimes it feels apocalyptic, doesn't it?

[B]

So I finally just walked over to the place where the thing was and I. I took a new one and then I put the old one by the cash register and then I bought some. Bought some gum with the self serve and I left.

[E]

Gross.

[F]

What? You returned an enema?

[B]

No, no, no, no, no.

[D]

Now this didn't quite do the trick.

[B]

Oh, no, no way.

[A]

It wasn't a fleet enema, was it? That's a work horse of the industry.

[B]

And I got a fleet of fleets.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's where this letter comes in. This comes to us from Mr. Butcher. He writes, I listened to your segment about CVS. I wanted to see if it was true that sometimes no cashiers can be found on the store. So last night at 8:30 I popped in to grab some cold medication for my husband. Sorry, Ms. Butcher, excuse me. The parking lot was empty except for one car. I walked in, it was eerily quiet. The pharmacy, of course, was already closed. I went to look for the cold medication. The longer I was reading the labels, looking for certain meds, the creepier and creepier it became. Yes, I finally found what I was looking for and made my way to the front. As I rounded the corner of an aisle, an older gentleman with what was left of scraggly white hair was standing right there. It scared the crap out of me. I picked up my step. I saw no cashier, went to the self checkout. While ringing myself up, I thought, this dang thing won't work. And then what'll I do? It did. I hightailed a lot of there. And I'm wondering, where do the cashiers go?

[D]

Where do they go?

[B]

What are they doing? Was that a real person or a ghost? Thank you, miss. Oh, that's from Sherry. Sorry, Sherry got your name wrong, man. I guess. I mean, it's hard to get employees, I guess.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And with the self checkout, I mean, I'm not kidding there wasn't I. And then as I was leaving, at least eight people were walking in and I could. I just looked back and they're all

[D]

looking around like, I know man. It's. It's. It's so true. It's like common. It's super common that this happens now.

[B]

But it's okay with the self checkout. Unless. Unless sometimes with self checkout, you Hit the wrong thing and the next thing you know you're stranded.

[E]

Yeah, but how many people are walking in there and just taking what they want and walking out the door?

[B]

Well, I wasn't taking any. I was, I was.

[E]

I'm not excusing you. I am just saying it's not okay.

[D]

Someone should be there.

[B]

Well, and I read that story also because. Do you want to do the story right now about the taco sauce?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

This is pretty funny. And I'm. I've been wondering about this sort of thing a lot lately.

[E]

A man in Florida is accused of using taco seasoning packets to steal $40,000 worth of trading cards. According to Florida Attorney General James Utmyer's office, the 39 year old was arrested after he allegedly committed 75 thefts at multiple Target locations across his state. Investigators believe the man would grab large boxes of trading cards and an equal number of 99 cent taco seasoning packets at the self checkout line. He allegedly paid only for the seasoning packets before leaving the store with the cards that he resold on ebay. He reportedly generated almost $40,000 in revenue. And he now faces charges of organized retail theft, dealing in stolen property and money laundering.

[B]

But his wife got sick of tacos every night.

[D]

Yeah, honey, you like your new coat or not?

[B]

You know how many tacos I had to pay for?

[E]

That's interesting because Target usually does have a person right there.

[B]

Yeah, they do.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Well, not just that, they're pretty good at like, oh, you didn't put the lettuce in the bag. And they come over and they replay it and it shows you moving the lettuce into the bag. Or they'll be like, oh, you have items under your cart. It's like, how do you know that? Like, they seem pretty on it for. Maybe I'm just not a good stealer.

[D]

Well, I don't. Your brain probably doesn't function that way.

[A]

I think the word you want there's thief.

[B]

No stealer.

[H]

Okay.

[B]

This is. I know, it just seems so funny to me that he did this over and over and over and over again, man, $40,000 worth worth of these cards.

[A]

So.

[B]

But just. I guess that's the latest. I don't know how they control the.

[E]

You know, I'm wondering, now that I think about it, I'm wondering if he scanned the 99 cent taco seasoning and then put the box of trading cards in the. On the.

[B]

Oh, cuz they weigh the same.

[E]

They weigh the same.

[B]

Oh, that's what it is. And then he would leave the taco.

[E]

Leave the taco. That's how I think it work.

[B]

See, this is the script for Ocean's 12. You write this, Christie. You nailed it. That's how. Now I get it. Okay.

[E]

Yeah, that would make sense.

[A]

It's all on weight.

[B]

So this is like the thing in Indiana Jones where he walks up and they weigh the same and he pulls them out. But I guess he gets it wrong, right? Because isn't that when the.

[D]

It doesn't work? No, he thinks it does.

[A]

Yeah. For just a second. And then the giant granite ball comes coming at him.

[B]

So are people going to the grocery stores to dishonest people and they scan the. The bag of, I don't know, something cheap and then they swap the lobsters in there?

[E]

I hope not.

[D]

Yeah, they actually. They plan on that happening. Like they budget a certain amount of money in their yearly budget for theft is that it actually ends up being cheaper.

[B]

Cheaper than hiring people to check you out.

[D]

But don't do it. You don't need to be a scumbag.

[B]

Yeah. I'm not suggesting you become dishonest. See, you nailed. I didn't put that together, Christy. There we. That explains the taco. So perhaps the wife wasn't getting tacos.

[E]

No, she wasn't. Now she's upset.

[B]

Or maybe every once in a while. Hey, for God's sake, could you just leave one thing of cards and bring home some taco stuff? Or find something that weighs the same as Hamburger Helper.

[A]

Now, there's a long storied history on the show about Thomisms. Tom, would you care to explain? When you can't think of a word,

[B]

I have trouble thinking and talking at the same time. So this was a terrible choice for a semi career. But what happens. You're trying to. You get something across and you can't think of a particular thing, and you say, you know the. The black things that go around the wheels in your car when you can't think of the word tires?

[A]

Well, this is the first time I think we have a visual Thomism. This is from Jan in Ohio. She says, a fellow Ohioan. I just can't remember the name of this vegetable. And she sent us this picture. There it is. It says salad cookies over a pile of cucumbers.

[B]

Sliced cucumbers.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

That's hilarious.

[D]

Salad cookies.

[A]

Salad cookies.

[B]

You know, fool me once, by the way, there isn't. There isn't a kid out there that's gonna walk up to that, see the sign that says salad cookies and not look up and go. This is a scam. This is how children find out that adults don't know everything.

[D]

How dare you call that a. This is. They're pretty thick. How. How would you say? Half an inch?

[E]

They were pretty thick.

[D]

Are they too thick?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Okay. You guys would be cutting those thin.

[E]

Way too thick.

[B]

We do those every night before dinner.

[D]

Yukes.

[B]

Yeah, sliced like chips. Sliced cucumbers.

[E]

Do you use one of those things that go mandolin. Thank you. Mandolin that cut people's fingers off A lot of times.

[A]

You know, man, you know mandolin, but you don't know thief. You are an enigma.

[B]

Wait a minute.

[F]

Sometimes people use stiffer words.

[B]

You mean a pee.

[E]

It's not a peeler. Well, I got. You call that a peeler?

[B]

Potato peeler. The thing that has the two blades and the.

[E]

No, no, no, no, no. You don't use that, do you?

[B]

You peel the cucumber and then you.

[F]

Oh, you do.

[E]

You peel your cucumbers.

[B]

Yeah. You don't eat the skin.

[E]

Yeah, you do.

[D]

I would say 90% of the people eat the skin.

[B]

And that's why we have the situation we have right now.

[D]

You know what he made?

[A]

Dear Bob and Tom show. I remember Tom talking many, many times about wanting to put a camera in a football.

[E]

Yep.

[D]

Yeah, I saw a camera in a puck yesterday. I got very dizzy. Tom watching the video.

[A]

Get a load of this camera in a puck. Oh, my gosh, there it is. It's actually a hollowed out puck. And they put a in there and screw it down. And then the hockey team. He's looking at the camera in the puck right now. And they throw it down on the

[D]

ice and it's all fine until they shoot at the net.

[F]

Yeah, I'm already dizzy.

[B]

That's so cool.

[A]

That's so cool is his response.

[D]

There he goes. He passes to the other guy. But yeah, I got pretty dizzy when he started. They started shooting at the net, so is so.

[B]

Because my thought was eventually they'll have some kind of technology that as it spins, the camera will stay still. This. The camera will either stay still or it will. It will counter their actual spinning in real time digitally and freeze.

[A]

It kind of done it for the football, I think there. That exists, but they haven't really utilized.

[B]

We were talking about this because the coverage of the Olympics was just breathtaking. It was so great.

[E]

I would see that as the camera in the puck, not on the top, but in the. Like looking out of the thin part. So you see where the puck is going.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

No, that was rather than Looking at.

[B]

Eventually they'll have.

[A]

Have you think five of them.

[B]

Yeah. But I mean, can you imagine if it was in a football and you see the football going up and as. As it's approaching the receiver. Be amazing.

[D]

I don't think it's.

[A]

I don't think that would enhance my enjoyment of watching.

[D]

Same with the hot. That's not going to. That's just a lark. They're not going to actually do that. There'd be no reason.

[F]

They would have to put like a gyroscope in the. Mounted to a gyroscope inside the football or.

[B]

I'm saying can't. If, If. If the visual was spinning around, couldn't another computer unscramble it?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. I think that's what they're.

[B]

Which leads me to this, Jeff. Oscar, you're a man of a certain age.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm sure when you came up. When you came up with your. Did you have the kind of cable TV that had the porno channel that was scrambled.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And like in every once in a while you'd get like a freeze frame of a boob.

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

It was so rad.

[B]

I. Do you think that I've always wondered about this? If there's some guy that. That's how they were. They were trained at age 13 or whatever, and to this day, if they see that scrambled thing all of a sudden.

[A]

Bonerville.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

The answer is no. No. But.

[F]

But you're really good at noticing what everything is.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Like when you watch it again, it

[D]

made me way better. Maybe way better at those Magic Eye posters.

[A]

I love those. And Tom, I want to scare you whenever you. So this is. I'm not sure where this marina is, but someone posted this on X this morning. It's a great white shark just swimming around a marina.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That's you.

[B]

That's a huge one.

[D]

It looks massive. And. Yeah, I can't.

[G]

Oh, no.

[D]

It's hard to chill on the dock when that thing's going by.

[H]

Right.

[D]

Wow. It's awesome.

[A]

That's amazing.

[B]

That is. That's got to be, what, 10ft?

[D]

Hey, kids, go ahead and come up the ladder real quick.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, let's. Let's go up here, have lunch.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

We got popsicles. Popsicles.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

It's interesting because there are no boats there, so it must. I wonder if it's.

[A]

Well, I don't think you can see there are boats.

[B]

That's terrifying.

[D]

Yeah, that's pretty.

[A]

Size of it.

[B]

Oh, there's one. Okay. There is One there. Oh, there's two of them there. Sorry. Okay.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

Oi. That's a beautiful, beautiful animal.

[E]

Beautiful shark.

[D]

But you accidentally fall in. I mean, chances are you accidentally fall in, it swims off.

[E]

Right.

[G]

But I don't know.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Why?

[D]

No, I'm not taking terrifying.

[E]

I am worried I'd reach down and try to pet it.

[D]

You and I are idiots when it comes down.

[B]

We had that. Remember that story we had not too long ago where the guy did that and the guy bit his hand off?

[E]

Well, you could get this dorsal fin because he's already passed.

[D]

You see, I. I have the same instincts, Christy.

[B]

Yes, well, I was going for the dorsal when I slipped. No, it wasn't diabetes. It was a great one. Good morning. This is from Dave in Warren, Ohio.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Named after, of course, the Warren Report.

[A]

I think. I think Dave Grohl's from Warren, Ohio. Go ahead.

[B]

My wife was doing some early spring cleaning and dusting. She said, could you please come in and move the sand globe?

[H]

Any.

[B]

Anyone want to figure out what.

[D]

What could a sand globe mean?

[B]

He goes, I'm. He goes, I have no idea. I walk in. Oh, you mean the hourglass.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Don't you love an hourglass?

[E]

How big is her hourglass?

[D]

God.

[B]

Must be one of those giant.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

I had a friend that had a real tall one that sat, like, next to their couch.

[E]

Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Do you know how. What time it was like. Was it, like, 12 hours?

[D]

I just assumed it was my friend's mom's life.

[E]

Life. Oh.

[D]

And once it ran out, she died.

[B]

Oh. Oh, before they. Before they had the digital one.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Could you get your ashes in a. In a hourglass for your family to play, like, games with?

[D]

You'd have to mix. I don't think ashes would fall the way sand does.

[E]

Oh, you'd have to mix.

[D]

Maybe you'd have to mix it in the weight. That'd be interesting.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

If anyone out there has done that, please write. We want to know.

[D]

So would you make it last as long as. Like, if she lived to be 73, would you make it take 73 years to go down?

[B]

No, 73 seconds. So you could use it for a game.

[D]

Oh, you want to play Mom's dead again.

[G]

I love that game.

[A]

Now let's go down to the marina and look at the great white shark.

[B]

That's what. That's how she left. That's why we only have, like, half a body's worth of ashes, because, you know, the others were digested. Okay. Well, we love getting your Mail. And as you can see, it takes us all kinds of directions. And you, you can always email us. It's a.

[A]

Bob. I still want to know what Orson Bean knows about an orgasm that I don't. Okay.

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

I've never had any complaints.

[B]

I think the book is called. I'll have to look it up. I think it's called Orgone and Me.

[D]

Well, Chick, I had a lovely time, but you're no Orson Bean.

[A]

Son of a. Get Bean out here.

[B]

Orson Bean was a famous game show contestant, I guess.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Kind of in the. The.

[A]

I think he was on the X Files for.

[D]

I think he did show up.

[A]

Yeah, a couple times.

[B]

These are sort of the early days of game shows.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But Carlile, people who are famous for now, I guess it's like reality show people. I guess like Colby from Survivor has kind of had a career.

[E]

And Peggy Cass. Was she on there?

[B]

Yes. Yeah, she was an actress. Was. She was in that great show with the monkeys.

[A]

He was on that great show with the monkey.

[B]

Not the monkey, sorry. With the chimpanzees. Like the marquee.

[A]

Yeah. Or Bobby Borisini's Chimps or something.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Nothing's funnier than shows that have chimpanzees dressed up wearing shoes and smoking. And I know we can't. We can't do this anymore because it's politically incorrect.

[A]

Come on.

[D]

What about the monkeys that like to smoke?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

That's not abuse, man.

[B]

Remember that one? They had just put signs up, stop giving the chimpanzees cigarettes.

[E]

Please, please come a long way.

[B]

Would it be really great if after a while you walk by the chimpanzee cage and you see one of the boy chimps light up to and. Oh, man, it's a baller move.

[F]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say they pulled out a can of Zen.

[D]

That might be the case now.

[B]

Well, we'd love to hear from you once again, Bob and [e-mail] Coming up, comedian Bruce. Bruce and more. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[J]

Thanks for listening to the Bob and Tom show, sponsored in part by Java House. The official coffee and refreshments of the Bob and Tom show

[B]

every are.

[A]

Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. There's Christy Lee at the news desk.

[E]

Hey, Chick.

[A]

Hey. There's Pat Godwin over there with the guitars and the piano and the keyboard. There's Jeff Oscar. There's Josh Arnold.

[D]

Hi.

[A]

There's Ace Cosby.

[E]

You scared, Jeff. He doesn't want to say anything and.

[A]

Hello, Tom. Good.

[B]

I have a technical question.

[D]

Yes, please.

[B]

There was a time that. I think it's over. You were. Let me back up just a little bit. You were talking about the lie that is. Christie says she gets Caesar salad without Caesar dressing.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Ergo, it's not a Caesar salad. One could certainly make that argument. And then, Josh, you asked me if. When I get the Caesar salad. Because that's my. That's my main. Go to.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[B]

I didn't realize that Caesar salad and salmon, my main things that I eat. You asked if I got the anchovies.

[D]

Yeah. Do you like to see them?

[B]

And that's kind of a fancy restaurant thing. And every once in a while. Yeah, but do you remember. It was sort of a standing joke. Was when you'd order a pizza.

[D]

No anchovies.

[B]

No anchovies. Yeah, That's. That's gone away.

[D]

It has.

[B]

Has no.

[E]

Even put anchovies on pizza.

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

I saw one of the chains will still do it.

[E]

Oh, really?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

But wasn't. Wasn't that sort of the standard.

[D]

Absolutely. It was a punchline.

[A]

No anchovies.

[D]

Yeah. The last song on one of the

[B]

Gals albums was no anchovies.

[D]

Jay Giles. Oh, I've got to hear it. I think it's a Love Stinks I've got.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

I've never had an anchovy.

[B]

Real salty.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You. You don't eat, really. It's not like you've got a bunch of dead fish on your pizza. It's. They're kind of shredded.

[E]

Do they chop them up?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

And most Caesar dressings. Yeah.

[A]

They're really. But, like, disgusting, salty things.

[B]

Why are we. We're talking to someone who doesn't get dressing on us. Why are we even discussing.

[E]

Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.

[A]

She hates flavor.

[D]

That's a problem.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Christy, I will occasionally, and I know I'm gonna get teased here for a myriad of reasons, but. But dip my fork in the dressing and then go to the salad. Sort of like you're.

[B]

So you had a salad.

[D]

Like I said. Did I not predict mockery?

[E]

Yes, you did.

[A]

There it is right there.

[B]

Sorry, I can't help myself.

[G]

Oh, we're trying something different.

[D]

Says every server that I.

[B]

When I order a salad, there's a whole section of these. I had no idea.

[E]

I wouldn't do that. If people do. Didn't they put so much dressing on salad to Me, I.

[B]

It's just crazy.

[E]

There's one restaurant that I go to a lot that has the perfect. I will get their salad and I will get their dressing on it because it's perfect.

[A]

It's like if you keep running your mouth and I go into a restaurant and they lighten up on the dressing. I'm going to come out to your house and talk to you.

[B]

I'm with Christy. You don't want too much?

[F]

If I can taste the lettuce, I'm going to be upset.

[B]

Yes.

[G]

How do we feel?

[E]

Why don't you just drink the dressing?

[D]

Because.

[F]

Same reason. I don't just drink ranch straight.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

You need the transport.

[G]

How do we feel about the Japanese dressing on the Japanese salad?

[E]

Oh, the miso dressing, that's delicious.

[D]

The ginger miso, real tasty.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

That is very good. Once again, the Great Wolf Lodge is having the ranch dressing milkshakes now available.

[E]

Yeah. Vanilla ice cream mixed with ranch dressing. Boy, that sounds good.

[B]

It doesn't appeal to me, but that's for National Ranch Dressing Day, which, once again, March 10th. Mark it on your calendars. Which reminds me, Pat, that's a week from today. When is St. Patty's Day always?

[E]

March 17th.

[A]

Yeah, two weeks.

[E]

Two weeks from. Yeah.

[B]

Do you have anything planned? Me?

[G]

No, I'm. St. Patrick's Day is for amateurs. In my house. Yeah, it's a. We're the real thing. We don't really celebrate. I've never worn green, even as a kid.

[D]

Yeah. You like the corned beef and cabbage? I do.

[G]

I love it.

[D]

Yeah, I do, too.

[B]

You celebrate with that at least Sometimes?

[G]

Yeah, I may.

[B]

Do you have any Irish songs?

[G]

I have a. You want to hear St. Patrick stays for amateurs.

[B]

Oh, I didn't. You. Sure, why not?

[A]

Now, what's this song about?

[G]

Two minutes.

[D]

Okay.

[G]

St. Patrick's Day is for amateurs. So poses. Mark your calendars. You're not even Irish and you don't know how to drink. Hi. I'm a D. Professional when it comes to drinking alcohol. I take St. Patty's Day off. Cause for me, the whole day stinks. You're wearing a stupid T shirt that says Kiss me, I'm Irish, but your name is Vicky Plushinski and your beer is a stupid green. St. Patrick stays for amateurs. So back off, Jack and Kramet. Sir, I like to pace myself. No one here knows how to drink. I party hard all year and I. I only drink brown beer. But I take St. Patty's Day off because I'm in rehab or the clink

[B]

thank you very much. You have a good now time to turn to the sports page with Chick Magee.

[A]

NCAA football panel has proposed uniform changes that would require require players to cover their ankles. Division 1 Football Rules Subcommittee proposal recommends players wear leg coverings from the top of their shoes to the bottom of their pants. Players out of compliance with the rule would have to leave the game for at least one down. Correct the issue. A team would receive a warning for the first offense. If a team has a second offense under the proposal, the offending team would be given a five yard penalty and any subsequent violations would result in a 15.

[B]

Is this, you say it's a proposal. There's no way they'll do this. Do you think?

[E]

Are ankles susceptible to injury? Is that why they want the ankles covered?

[A]

I don't know.

[E]

I mean, I can't imagine football players.

[B]

This is based on, what's it called, is a Sharia law kind of exposing him.

[D]

I'm surprised the NFL wanted to do that.

[E]

Yeah, I thought maybe we're going Victorian, particularly this week.

[B]

I mean, come on. But is this, this seems a little bit weird. I guess it would be cool. It would cover up the, what's it called? DUI modder.

[E]

Oh, the ankle bracelet.

[A]

Texas head coach Steve Sarkeesian, amused by the proposal. He says, I'm just trying to figure out how we're going to police socks to pants. So there you go.

[B]

Is this the NCAA trying to justify its existence now that they really have no power anymore?

[A]

And I was confused by this story. At the top it says, football panel is proposing changes to targeting. Ejections and targeting is when you hit the crown of the helmet to another player, you're trying to give him a concussion. And I, I, I read with some eagerness that I was going to have some new information about targeting because I think they should not eject the guy. Whatever. I don't think they should eject the guy for, for the next game. They should kick him out of that game.

[B]

Yeah, the. Did you know, did you notice how many players were wearing shorts? No, they're not wearing. Did you watch any college football at all?

[E]

Of course, Yeah, I watched IU win the national championship.

[B]

Well, did you notice how many guys didn't have football pants on? Or pants?

[D]

No kidding.

[A]

Kidding.

[E]

Football pants. They were wearing pants.

[B]

Well, I mean, yeah.

[A]

No kidding.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

No, no, I, maybe they should wear

[E]

knickers like they do in golf.

[D]

Maybe we should be careful.

[A]

Tom and I long ago said there's a couple of words we're not saying on the Air, that's one of them.

[E]

What's wrong with that?

[D]

Sometimes the ear mishears and somebody swerves the off the road. That's all.

[B]

That's.

[E]

No, not if you call attention to it.

[D]

No, you're right. That makes it way worse.

[A]

Speaking of objections, I think you're out of here. The world's oldest. For the love of God.

[D]

Hang on.

[E]

Stupid world record.

[D]

And you don't care for world's oldest because as you say, it's just a passing of time.

[A]

That's a record. Oh my God.

[D]

It's just somebody existing or something.

[A]

Competitive pool players still going strong at the age of 98. Maggie Kennedy, just a wonderful lady first earned the Guinness World record title in 2021 at the age of 93. By the way, hang on a second.

[B]

A lot of people had the under on her getting the five year mark.

[A]

Yeah, 2193. Yeah, that checks out. Five years later, she and her team. Guess what the name of her team is.

[D]

Oh man, I can't even guess.

[A]

Sunday fun day.

[B]

I thought it was gonna be the. The life alerts.

[A]

She's just so.

[G]

Friday die day.

[A]

She is just so full of life. Five years later she and her team Sunday funday competed in the BCA nationals pool league tournament in Vegas. She credits good genetic yeah. With contributing to her active lifestyle. She told TV station I come from good hearty New England stock. You know, like a nice thick chowder.

[E]

Her.

[A]

I was taught to be nice and be happy.

[D]

All right.

[A]

I've never been more pissed in my life.

[B]

Sounds like a lovely lady.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Of course her team ranked 35 out of 225 entrants in the eight ball team bronze tournament.

[B]

That's not bad.

[A]

Whatever.

[B]

I mean 25 out of a couple

[A]

hundred and you think she gets.

[B]

Did you see the video? Oh, there she is.

[A]

She's. Yeah, she's just a treasure.

[D]

Boy, oh boy.

[A]

Oh yeah. Oh boy.

[B]

Look at her. That's right. Jason, does this go to the. Excuse me.

[A]

She scratched on that one shot. Did you edited it out?

[B]

Did you roll this all the way to where she chalks?

[A]

Hold it. Wait a minute. What's this broadcast? I say to hell with the Bob and Tom show title. We're going to be mourning y' all from now on.

[D]

Where is morning y' all out of?

[A]

I don't know, but I love it.

[F]

I have a guess.

[B]

And they spell y' all Y apostrophe.

[A]

It's a CBS affiliate. Somebody get on the. The, the email there and let me know where that is. They may. They need a sports guy, I'm sure.

[D]

Now, I don't know if we did see the whole video, Tom. Do you?

[B]

Oh, well, this old lady, she's 98. She's playing. She's playing pool. That. The. The. When I saw the video, it goes all the way to the part where she chalks up using her crotch because it's so dry.

[D]

It's very, very dramatic.

[A]

See, just when I think I want to walk out into traffic, he comes, reaches down and grabs me.

[B]

I want to find out where. Good morning, y'.

[C]

All.

[E]

According to Arkansas Ty, I have Tyler Longview, East Texas.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Morning, y', all is a live morning program aired on CBS 19.

[D]

How about that?

[E]

But that could be. I mean, there could be more than one. Am I right?

[A]

Uhf.

[D]

Boy, that lady didn't seem 98. No, no, to me.

[A]

I mean, I think she looked every

[D]

bit 98, but the way she was moving.

[B]

Yeah, she looked great.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Now, the anchor. She looked at the anchor. Looks like she's 18,

[D]

you know? Yeah.

[F]

Epstein.

[D]

Tom do have a type, don't I?

[E]

Yeah, he does.

[A]

Hey, I think we're way late.

[B]

Coming up, comedian Bruce. Bruce. These are the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[J]

For a complete copy of the Bob and Tom show contest rules, go to bobandtom.com contest-rules or just scroll down to the bottom of the page and see contest rules. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[A]

Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. Morning, y'. All. Oh, I like it, Tom.

[B]

Yeah, it doesn't really suit you, though. It's not.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, we can't pull that off.

[A]

Southern.

[B]

Yeah, I love it. It's. If it's coming from someone who.

[F]

Who?

[A]

Genuine.

[B]

Yeah. Where did we decide the. The TV show?

[E]

Tyler, Texas.

[B]

Morning, y'. All. Okay, that's cool.

[A]

Yeah. There's Christy Lee.

[E]

I'm on probation.

[A]

She's at the news desk. No, no. You're entitled to your stupid opinion. There's Pat Godwin.

[G]

Hey, Chick.

[E]

Opinion.

[A]

There's Jeff Oskay.

[H]

Hey, man.

[A]

Morning, friend.

[D]

Hi.

[A]

There's Josh Arnold.

[D]

Hi.

[A]

Hello. Ace Cosby.

[F]

Hello.

[A]

I'm Chick. Hello, Tom.

[B]

Hello. Chick McGee. I believe we were visiting the sports page.

[A]

One more. Believe it or not, world record, Mother and daughter team has identified their father's killer. I had not realized that this was the. I hadn't read this yet. Mother Daughter team identified the world's largest known coral colony off the Australian coast.

[D]

Has identified the world's largest coral colony

[B]

as opposed to, say, leper colony.

[D]

Boy.

[A]

This is according to the Converse Conservation organization, Citizens of the Reef, The Pavona coral colony spans 364ft, about the same length as a soccer field, and covers around nearly 43,000 square feet.

[B]

This is important.

[D]

It is important. But nobody had discovered it yet.

[A]

It was discovered by Sophie Pope and her mother Jan, an experienced diver and underwater photographer.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

It is among the most significant coral structures ever recorded on the Great Barrier Reef and the largest documented coral colony in the world.

[B]

Yeah. I made the mistake of googling Pope. Mother, daughter. Yikes.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You're amazing.

[D]

Pretty gross.

[B]

It's amazing the sick things that people will do in the world of erotic cinema.

[A]

That's hot.

[B]

Oh,

[D]

I would love to scuba dive around a coral reef.

[E]

I would too.

[D]

But don't they say, like, do not

[E]

step on it or touch it?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

I got. I'm afraid to scuba dive. So I was just snorkeling.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

And got washed up onto a coral reef.

[D]

Isn't it so painful?

[F]

I had. No. You don't realize it at the time. Like, I stood up on it and then, like, jumped off. And then later, like, two hours later, you just have, like a thousand tiny cuts on the bottom of your.

[D]

Yeah. It's like just walking on glass.

[A]

It was horrible.

[B]

You. There are all kinds of problems with these reefs dying.

[D]

Yes.

[E]

You turn all white. It's really sad.

[B]

Kind of a nice, happy world record. A mother and daughter team of scientists.

[D]

Yeah, that's nice.

[B]

Father and son team. You're probably up in the boat drinking.

[A]

Fosters do.

[B]

That's not a knife joke again.

[A]

She's had a thing about coral reef. I don't know what the hell it's.

[B]

L. This gives us an excuse to show that shark video again. I know. This is radio swimming around the marina. Do we know what marina that is?

[A]

I do not. It popped up on X Twitter this morning.

[B]

So it's. And it's a great white shark.

[A]

It's 25ft long.

[B]

Just casually swimming around the marina. Yeah.

[D]

Ooh.

[B]

Would have been great if the camera had panned up and was lifeguard sitting in a chair. All the kids are swimming. I don't even be more afraid of sharks. It's time to switch gears and move over that way. Coming up. By the way, comedian Bruce Bruce. Christy Lee's playing with her computer over there.

[E]

I was trying to find out where that was.

[D]

And don't they say odds are if you've swum at a public beach, you have been very close to a shark.

[E]

Yes.

[D]

And just didn't know it.

[B]

We did the. Yeah, we did the thing in the Bahamas where you get dragged behind a boat and with a parachute, whatever. That's called parasailing. Okay, thank you.

[D]

Oh, that looks fun.

[B]

My buddy Mark and I did that. And by the way, if you're ever doing this, the way we were doing it one at a time, and the way. The way it worked when we did it was they have, like, a landing pad of sort of a little floating thing out there. And the idea is they. They drop, they try to land. So you land right on that thing. If you give in those days, you hand the driver 20 bucks, he will make absolutely certain that that person and is dunked in the water several times.

[E]

Terrific.

[B]

I.

[A]

Well, the things he's leaving out is that I was one of those people one time.

[B]

It may be the hardest I've ever laughed in my life.

[E]

You're so mean.

[C]

Hilarious.

[A]

Just hilarious.

[B]

But the larger point is we were right in front of the hotel, right? And obviously a lot of people swimming in the beach. And maybe you had the same experience I did. There were a number of gigantic sharks you could see swimming below. And when you're up there, do you remember what sounded like?

[E]

I've never done this.

[B]

Oh, okay. No, it's all you hear is the wind real loud.

[E]

Well, if you didn't hear the wind, you'd be in trouble.

[B]

Could be. All I know is I kept fall. I kept looking at the harness going. Are these supposed to be this right?

[A]

I'm still amazed that. Yeah, I'm amazed I did it, but I'm even more amazed you did it.

[E]

Well, that was back when he was still fun.

[G]

Oh, you used to be so much fun.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

Used to be so much fun.

[G]

Trays of kamakazes in the afternoon.

[A]

Oh, no, no, no.

[E]

No helmet.

[A]

Ginger and sevens. Oh, man, those were the days.

[B]

No, no, no, no. Not ginger and seven.

[A]

Or what is it? Ginger ale and seven.

[D]

Tom, you're still fun.

[B]

CC and ginger.

[E]

Oh, don't suck up to him.

[D]

No, he is still funny. And I just enjoyed. We each had a mug of lukewarm green tea and we talked about.

[A]

That's a lie.

[B]

I would never drink green.

[D]

We talked about John Updike and.

[A]

Oh, by the way, I need to put. Tell everyone this. That for three hours. No, no, two.

[E]

Two.

[A]

Two and a half hours. Tom had some music playing on his side of the room. It took three different people and two hours to get it to be turned off because Tom insisted. I know what's going on. I'll get this turned off and thought he had it turned off nine times.

[D]

Yeah, it was. You had some.

[H]

You had something.

[G]

You had some papers on top of

[E]

all your papers were covering whatever it is he hit.

[B]

I don't even know what these buttons are for.

[E]

Oh, my God. Apparently.

[B]

Well, I think was Eddie jamming to some jazz.

[A]

I was excited. I found a new Brecker Brother song and I wanted you to hear it. And I feel like I'm to blame. I think it's my fault this all happened.

[B]

It's good too. It's a great song. What was it called? Cronk Scrunch. What? Scrunch. S C R U N. Okay, good. That's a good song.

[E]

Our producer tells me, Jason, that that was in southern. Southern California where the great white was swimming around coast. That's what he says.

[D]

Great whites are there.

[B]

Even scarier. I thought it was going to be in Australia where the sharks are.

[D]

Oh, no. I feel better now that they're miles away.

[E]

We're a little landlocked. We don't really have to worry about.

[B]

Coming up, comedian Bruce Bruce. Coming up, we have news with Christy Lee, including we may get to an interesting skydiving story. Speaking of daredevils and that sort of thing. Also, we have a loose monkey in St. Louis.

[D]

Boy, that arch has got to be. He's got to have his eye on the arch, right?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Boy, that's. If anybody could get a handhold on the arch. I'd like to see that big mouth Alex climb the arch with no.

[D]

No suction cups.

[A]

Yeah. Let's see how good he is now. Stainless steel. You've been there, right?

[B]

Is it stainless steel?

[A]

It's stainless steel. As smooth as a baby.

[D]

Smooth.

[B]

I thought it was aluminum.

[D]

They ran out of aluminium halfway up, so they had to stick.

[A]

Well, then they went to a cobalt.

[B]

Oh. So I just. I guess it's just. Just aluminum wiring.

[A]

Hey, are you like me or you're at work and you can't wait to go home and just be quiet? Well, Simplisafes for me. That's right. The do it yourself install it yourself. Stay open. Hi, y'.

[B]

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[A]

Morning, y'.

[B]

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[A]

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[A]

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[B]

you very much, Chick Magee. Coming up, a little bit of history for you. And once again, a monk, loose monkeys and all kinds of interesting things going on in the world of the animal kingdom. And also dead animals in the news. In this case, a triceratops. Very dead, by the way. These are the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[A]

Hey, good morning. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. We're in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. There's Christy Lee at the news desk.

[E]

Hello, Chick.

[A]

Hello, you. There's Pat Godwin. Hey there, there's, there's Jeff Oscar.

[D]

That's right.

[A]

That's damn right. There's Josh Arnold.

[F]

Hi.

[A]

Hey, I remembered you this time. There's Ace Cosby. Hey, I'm Chick. Hello, Tom.

[B]

Hello, Chick McGee. I thought we would to perhaps get to some history. Is that. Oh, you thought that.

[A]

Is that what you thought?

[D]

Okay, well, he's doing some thinking over there, isn't he?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Oh, boy.

[A]

Big head on the Thinker.

[D]

Yeah, look at old Finky.

[A]

Well,

[B]

I like the intro to set the mood, really. Oh, get people, because I have some importance. I've been doing some reading here. This is really quite fascinating.

[A]

You've got to look the meaning of that word up. I don't think you understand.

[B]

Super interesting.

[A]

That one too.

[B]

Yeah, well, we'll get to that. Second first, I'll start off with in 1845, of course, what became the 27th state?

[A]

Ohio.

[D]

No, Wyoming.

[B]

I'll give you a hint. Cartographers called it the, the Spanish Hang down.

[D]

Florida.

[B]

Very good. There we go. Cartographer. That's map makers.

[E]

Yeah, I know what that is.

[B]

Okay, now here's the important one. Now, at the time, by the way,

[E]

I know you think I am pre,

[B]

pre Disney World, Florida was primarily alligators.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

1845, it became a state and it's important that we have a state where when it's cold, people from the north can go visit and warm up.

[E]

Up.

[B]

I think that's.

[D]

I feel like you wanted to get a little more.

[E]

Yeah, I think he did too.

[A]

What you want to do there, buddy?

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

We can help you.

[B]

This is. This is cool. I didn't know much about this. I just was been reading. I just have been reading about it. In 1873, the Comstock. The Comstock Law passed.

[A]

Oh, isn't that this silver or something or gold or. No, Comstock load.

[B]

No, but some guy named Stock Lowe, Anthony Comstock. Oh, Tony was a one of these moral crusader types.

[A]

I hate those.

[B]

And oh, this guy, this guy was a complete jerk. He. The Comstock law passed in 1873, making it illegal to quote, send obscene literature and articles of immoral use through the mail.

[A]

Tell me how to think.

[B]

And the more you read about this guy, this guy's idea of immoral was photographs of women voting. I think would be. Yeah, this guy, he tried to he. This prevented, by the way, birth control information from being passed along for decades. This guy was really an idiot.

[F]

Was that why back in the day when they would send like Playboy and stuff, it would be like brown paper wrapping.

[E]

That's what I was gonna say, Jeff.

[B]

There aspects of this law, according to this account, still linger today. By the way, this guy also tried not only to stop birth control, he tried to prevent cussing in the army.

[A]

Really?

[E]

How do you do that?

[A]

Certainly noble pursuit.

[E]

Hey, I think a curse jar's gonna work.

[B]

Shoot, Captain. I mean they're shooting at us.

[E]

Darn.

[B]

Okay, yeah, this guy was a real jerk. But Mr. Comstock, let's see now. Oh, this is for you, Josh. 1875, the first indoor game of hockey was played in Montre.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

Of course, 1875, no helmets.

[D]

No helmets.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Face masks, ice covered in naked.

[A]

You know that famous Bobby Orr of the brewing. That flying. Yeah, he's hanging over the ice. No helmet.

[D]

Yeah, just.

[A]

Just that's the way they played. No helmet.

[B]

Tom, there are some early photographs of this daguerreotypes of a horse drawn Zamboni machine.

[D]

Yes, very. The horses did not care for it.

[A]

Getting the ice skates before the Zamboni guy. You think they did down on their hands and knees and doing stuff? There may have been guys in the ice.

[E]

Did they have like a big thing they pulled behind them? Maybe.

[D]

Oh, maybe like when they clean the infield or they sort of do that baseball.

[B]

There's a Whole series of jobs like that. Like the, the, the kids that are always at NBA games with those weird gigantic, like brush mop things. They're going out there to get. Sweat that in. The Zamboni guy, did you see the. The curling guy that he would. Had the spritzer and he'd have to walk backwards to get the ice just right. What a gig that is. It's like I have a business card. So what do you do for a living? Oh, I'm a. I'm a spritzer.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

How about this one? Christy lee.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

In 1887, Ann Sullivan began teaching Helen Keller. Right. And this says, by the way, she did not play a mean pinball.

[D]

You would have thought.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is there anything funnier than how did Helen Keller burn her face? The answer to the iron. Is there anything?

[B]

Yes, many things.

[A]

Are you sure?

[B]

19. I didn't know this was.

[D]

You had to have been able to see in here a little.

[A]

A little bit.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

She eventually. She could eventually talk.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Terrifying.

[G]

And she started the new wawas that they have here.

[D]

She sure did. Yeah. That was her first guest,

[A]

ladies and gentlemen.

[B]

1931. I thought this was much earlier. Congress officially made the Star Spangled Banner the national anthem.

[E]

What year?

[B]

1931.

[E]

Oh, I thought it was earlier too.

[A]

Not my anthem.

[B]

I think they weighed so they wouldn't have to pay royalties. They picked something that was older.

[E]

Well, what did they play before baseball games then?

[B]

Oh, Canada, oddly enough. Really? Yeah. Kind of chintzy.

[A]

Don't you think America the Beautiful is a better song though, don't you?

[D]

I do.

[B]

It's about the tradition. I. I think one could. I like the fact that they're doing a whole bunch of those now at sporting events like super bowl or the Indy 500. They have.

[E]

Have a couple of different songs.

[B]

Yeah. Some because the singing now has gotten so great. Back in the day, it was usually, you know, fairly crappy. They'd have, you know, some don't. Local schmucked. Never mind. By the way, in second place. This is. This is interesting. I know. Ace knows this. In eight in 1931, first place, Star Spangled Banner. Second place, Lick it up by Kiss.

[D]

There are some who say we should go back.

[A]

Let me tell you something that scratches me where I miss. That's a wonderful, wonderful.

[B]

Oh, this is great. In 1966, Buffalo Springfield formed with Neil Young and Stephen Stills.

[D]

You know, for what it's worth, that is a good band.

[B]

Oh, very good.

[D]

Thank you.

[B]

That's their most famous song. Terrific band. By the way, that's. That's the only song you ever hear.

[D]

But a Bluebird, That's a good one, too. You'll hear that every now and again, but. Yeah.

[E]

Up.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Bluebird. Yes.

[B]

That's. That's black.

[A]

He felt the need to tell me that was Blackbird. I'm going to strangle you. You have seven minutes to live.

[D]

What would you do with your last seven minutes? Oh, God, Christy, you wouldn't be safe.

[G]

You better run.

[A]

Who would you. Who would you spend them with?

[D]

I just. I'm warning Christie right now.

[A]

Out of this. Out of this room.

[B]

Does this. Does the seven start right now?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Up. Oh, boy.

[A]

You got to get some things in order.

[B]

Let's see now.

[D]

Wack a palooza over here.

[A]

I'm going to wrap a slice of pizza around it.

[B]

1985. This is for you, Mr. Osay. You being the youngster in the room. Look alive, Jeff, and don't shout out the answer. Ace, I am much younger than Moonlighting. Are you younger than Osk?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Huh?

[B]

Good. Then you guys can battle over this one. Moonlighting premiered on what network?

[D]

Abc. I'm gonna say NBC.

[B]

ABC is correct.

[D]

It was NBC in my house and.

[A]

Not my Moonlighting.

[B]

A Moonlighting starred Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepard.

[D]

Yes, very good. And Curtis Armstrong.

[F]

And that was the same year I was a huge Bruce Willis fan. So I decided to give myself a Bruce Willis haircut. Foot with the clippers.

[E]

Oh.

[F]

And I didn't realize that that was a receding hairline.

[D]

Yeah, that's what that looked like.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

When they took me to the barber to try to fix it, he explained to me that that came in naturally.

[A]

Things even out for you. Visit Bruce Willis.

[B]

Happy birthday. Alexander Graham Bell, the creator of the.

[A]

The Bell Telephone.

[E]

The telephone.

[B]

Oh, I thought it was that doorbell camera thing.

[A]

Oh, no, no. That's a little squirrely guy.

[E]

That's Mr. Rain.

[B]

Okay, now this one chick will know. This one. Pat, this is for you.

[A]

Can I yell it out?

[G]

Amazing.

[A]

Okay, go ahead.

[B]

Okay. And this is true. Alexander Graham Bell. When? Allegedly, when they first came up with the telephone. Oh, yeah, we always answer the phone. Hello? But that was not. I'm not kidding. That was not the original.

[A]

I'll give you a hint. Mr. Burns has it right, actually.

[G]

Excellent.

[A]

No, yeah. Pick up the phone.

[B]

Excellent.

[G]

Well, my dad would go yellow, like Josh's dad.

[D]

My grandpa. Your grandpa?

[B]

Yeah, my dad would go. Then Gardner, which is weird because his name was Bruce Griswold called.

[E]

Was it ahoy?

[B]

It was Ahoy. He thought he. Because that was a. In the world of boating. Ship ahoy. Etc.

[A]

Simpson. Eh?

[B]

That did not catch on though. But the Simpsons brilliantly picked that up. Which I thought was always. We have audio of the very first.

[A]

Yes, we do.

[D]

Something different.

[B]

Isn't it? The very first phone call.

[A]

Man, I love this Mary.

[E]

How.

[B]

How to type the.

[H]

And everywhere that Mary went I would

[D]

get a beat of that. It's the most problematic thing we play.

[E]

Absolutely.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[H]

That was.

[B]

That was Thomas Edison. Sorry. I get those two guys mixed up

[A]

and it's a nursery round and

[B]

this guy was born in. Oh, is he still with us?

[E]

I don't know.

[B]

1920.

[A]

Hey, hey. Let me tell you something. We're good. We ain't that good. This isn't the mental.

[D]

Sorry.

[B]

I should have looked. I should have looked at this prior to doing this. He was Scotty on Star Trek. Remember him?

[D]

Sure.

[A]

James Doohan. Yeah.

[B]

James Doohan got the power. Doohan.

[D]

Why are you putting some stank on it?

[B]

I think that just sounds like a weird thing you'd say.

[A]

I got no power. Topham.

[B]

Is he still with us?

[A]

Didn't he play the bagpipes when they shot Spock out the tube or something?

[D]

You know what? Bagpipes are absolutely playing. I don't know if they made Scotty. I think they did.

[A]

I think they did. It's been a while since I've checked into the franchise.

[D]

I think Dohan has to be dead.

[E]

Yes, he died in 2005.

[B]

Is this true that he was missing a finger?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

I had always heard he was.

[B]

It says he was missing a finger. He would keep it hidden so people would still. Would still trust teleportation.

[D]

Yeah, he was missing. That's why Uhuru preferred Kirk.

[B]

Really. He had the nimble fingers.

[D]

A little better.

[B]

I see. Okay, good.

[E]

Bruno.

[D]

Okay, you want to get that G spot.

[B]

Was she. Was she pretty easy going and what. Who.

[D]

Oh, was she of loose virtue? Is that what you're asking?

[B]

No. Men explored her.

[D]

I think for the most part she was behaved.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

Studious, smart and I love a gentleman. No nonsense.

[B]

I love this guy. Born in 1966. Anthony Terrell Smith. Christie, who is that?

[E]

Anthony Terrell Smith.

[B]

He has a professional name.

[E]

Name.

[A]

In 66.

[B]

Born in 66. He had two monster hits that I actually really like in the world of rap.

[E]

Oh, I don't know who it is.

[A]

Oh, I love his voice, man.

[B]

He does a. He does a lot of. A lot of voice work.

[D]

I do like that he's got A very unique voice.

[B]

He does. He does some cartoons and stuff.

[A]

He's in the movie Heat. I just watched that yesterday. Okay.

[B]

Funky.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Funky Cold Medina.

[D]

That's a great one. Wild Thing.

[A]

Of course, he's in Ace Ventura movies.

[D]

Yeah. He's in Fern Gully and his.

[B]

His Wild Thing. Is that based on a Daryl Smith rank?

[A]

Van Halen.

[B]

Yeah, it's Van Halen thing.

[D]

Those are great songs.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

That concludes our history. Would you.

[C]

You say.

[B]

Listen, you want to. You want to hit the Ding ding.

[D]

Used wonderfully in Uncle Buck. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Did they have to pay Van Halen for the.

[D]

Probably for the.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I don't know what. It was the Wild west there for a little while.

[D]

I don't think the Trogs saw a dark dollar from that.

[A]

And the Beastie Boys did a lot on. What is that Paul's Music Store or whatever. That was close.

[D]

What?

[A]

I just.

[B]

And then. Oh, lastly, I'm sorry, I missed one. A 1982 Jessica Beal. Gorgeous.

[E]

Yeah, she's pretty.

[D]

Mrs. Be. Boy, you don't get a. A network joke very often, do you?

[A]

You messed up, Mrs. Beale.

[B]

Well, thank you very much. Coming up, a comedian, Bruce. Bruce will be joining us. Be my queen, if you know what I mean. Let's do the wild thing.

[E]

I get paid to do the wild thing.

[A]

Do you hear it?

[D]

That is one of the lyrics.

[A]

Do you hear the Van Halen song? Yeah.

[F]

No.

[D]

Yeah, because that's what happens when body starts laughing from doing the wild thing.

[A]

I think Young MC wrote that, didn't he? I thought. I thought. Yeah, Correct.

[B]

Oh, Toad Locke didn't write it.

[A]

Bust a move, Young mc. Busta Moves. My.

[D]

That's so great.

[A]

You can't touch that rap song.

[B]

I see. That's.

[D]

That's a little too hardcore for me, but I still.

[A]

That's where I was with Christy.

[B]

What have you got coming up over there?

[E]

Coming up, we have a very interesting insurance fraud story involving skydiving.

[B]

I love.

[D]

I'd love to figure out some insurance fraud, wouldn't you?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Fake your own death.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

I got a good. I got a good story about that.

[A]

Oh, no. I'm Richard Farnsworth, the actor, his youngest grandchild.

[E]

We're gonna. We got to get two. Our Boy Kibble story.

[D]

Well, yeah, I'm interested to find out what boy kibble is.

[A]

Look at all this boy kibble in here.

[B]

It'll make you mad.

[D]

Would I be considered boy kibble?

[G]

Oh, it's not like.

[B]

No, it's not like.

[E]

Yeah, it's not like that.

[B]

No. In fact, I don't think it would have any. Any association with it at all.

[D]

Okay, that's not true in any way.

[E]

Don't listen to him.

[D]

Is he being mean to me?

[E]

Yes, he is.

[B]

You are.

[G]

You are man meat.

[D]

Thank you. Thank you.

[B]

Right now I want to talk about. About Christy Lee. She's our car girl. Yes, she drives the Hyundai. And Hyundai's having their getaway sales event. Now what does that mean exactly? Well, it means you can get away. You can get away with a great deal. That's what it means. Tell me more.

[E]

Yeah, that's right. In fact, the Hyundai Santa Fe or Santa Fe hybrid. Or how about the Tucson? That's my favorite. I drive a Tucson hybrid. I have for over. I have two years. Two years and some months and over 40,000 miles because you can't get me out of my car. I love it. Plus there's Hyundai's bold and stylish Elantra, loaded with the latest in technology. And if you haven't checked out their all electric Ioniq 5 or Ioniq 9, you need to do so during the Hyundai getaway sales event. It's like driving in the future.

[D]

Have you ever pulled up and there's a guy walking and you say, hey, get out of my dreams and into my car?

[E]

No, but I like that line.

[D]

Say it to your husband the next time.

[E]

Okay. That's from the song out of My Dreams.

[D]

What song is that?

[E]

Plus, don't forget you can get down to your local Hyundai dealer and get away with a wonderful sales deal. You'll love it. During the Hyundai getaway sales event@hyundai USA.com. they have all the details. And of course you can find a dealer near you that's Hyundai USA.com and

[B]

they, they also will sell you the five seater ionic pentameter.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

For those of you that are in

[D]

the mood, you will enjoy the drive.

[A]

You like that joke, don't you?

[D]

I like that.

[B]

I just had to do a lot of I antiamater stuff. Yes.

[E]

Really?

[B]

I was helping my daughter write a sonnet.

[E]

Boy, that's a sonnet.

[B]

That's cramming. That's a lot of. A lot of structure. 10 syllables.

[A]

Real F school.

[D]

You gotta talk private school stuff to me.

[G]

We didn't write no slots

[A]

down your book shot.

[H]

We did.

[B]

Dirty, awkward way to force you to do some work there.

[A]

I don't know who the hell you think you are.

[B]

This line is 11 syllables. It's out.

[A]

He's been teaching too long. That's who that guy is.

[B]

Coming up. Comedian Bruce. Bruce, among other delights. These are the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[J]

Hey, thanks for listening this morning. Got something to say? Send an email. Bob and Tom. Bob and Tom Dot com.

[A]

You're a menace.

[B]

You realize.

[A]

You have to know. You have to know that you're a. Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. There's Christy Lee at the news desk.

[E]

Hi.

[A]

There's Pat Godwin.

[G]

Hey, Chick.

[A]

There's Jeff. Okay.

[E]

But he's our time. We love him.

[A]

There's Josh Arnold.

[D]

Hi.

[A]

Ace Cosby. Hey, y'.

[B]

All. Yeah, there we go.

[A]

I'm Chick McGee. Hello, Tom.

[B]

Hello, Chick McGee. Coming up, Bruce. Bruce, great comedian. Is going to be our special guest. I'm very excited. We haven't seen Bruce for a while. Oh, he is amazing. Now we have to.

[A]

Amazing, amazing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Right, right.

[E]

A Los Angeles police officer has been charged with insurance fraud after he was reported to be skydiving while on disability leave. According to the Los Angeles.

[A]

You know, the back is an enigma wrapped in a riddle. You never know how it's going to

[D]

react day to day.

[E]

According to the Los Angeles County District Attorney's Office, Christopher Carnahan hurt his elbow while on duty in 2023.

[A]

Honked his bobo.

[E]

Yep. Prosecutors allege that Mr. Carnahan performed several skydives in Lake Elsinore and worked out as a fitness center while collecting disability benefits. The 18 year veteran of the LAPD was arrested on two counts of felony insurance fraud. Well, maybe he was only working out with one hand.

[D]

Could be.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

One arm.

[E]

Push up one arm.

[F]

I'll just say I was rehabbing my elbow.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[D]

I was wondering if he could get away with that.

[E]

They must have some pretty conclusive evidence, right?

[B]

Why would female think.

[E]

How does. How does skydiving affect your elbow?

[B]

Well, if you land on it. Well, I mean, if this guy was incapable of doing any work, but he was, skydiving, I think requires a lot of skill. And true. I knew a guy that, when I worked in a restaurant, we had the two Steves. Yeah, there was very funny Steve and

[E]

then there was Steve that threw the knife at you.

[B]

No, no, that. That was Ronnie.

[E]

Okay, sorry.

[B]

Ronnie threw the knife.

[D]

Aren't you a little surprised to. If when we say to Tom, hey, how about that guy that threw the knife at you? He doesn't go, which one?

[A]

Yeah, I am very surprised.

[B]

And it wasn't a knife. It was, in fact a cleaver, just like in a cartoon.

[A]

And it's stuck in the wall.

[B]

He deliberately missed me. It's. No, it's stuck in the vent. The H Vac. All right, so Steve, Ronnie was. Ronnie was a. A deaf gentleman.

[E]

That was.

[B]

And he obviously can hear you. Well, here's what happened. I was talking to the other Tom

[A]

and I was saying what Ronnie say. I was saying that's the only reason

[B]

he does this in a joke.

[G]

No.

[B]

And I said to Tom, here we go. Ronnie's in a pissy mood today. And I. I will not imitate the way Ronnie's. Ronnie could speak, but he had a.

[A]

And he could read lips.

[B]

Significant. But that's what he said in his somewhat muted tone. He said, I can read lipstom. And that isn't funny that he threw the cleaver. I've lost my place. Steve, Steve, there was.

[A]

Do you think anyone ever has eaten beaver? And in preparing it, they hand me the beaver cleaver.

[D]

I hope so.

[A]

I hope so.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Hope so.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I hope that happens somewhere.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where's that beaver? Cleaver. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And by the way, the name Cleaver, do you think that they knew.

[D]

Well, cleaver also means to bring together. So as a family unit.

[A]

One of those words.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But it means also to cleave.

[D]

Yes, yeah. To separate. It's called a Janus word where it has two definitions for cleave.

[E]

Look at you.

[A]

That's cleave my heart.

[B]

So anyway, there were the two Steves and the other Steve worked. He was one of the waiters wherever. And he also worked for a private detective on the side.

[D]

Ah, really?

[B]

Yeah. This is absolutely true. And it was.

[A]

Hold it. Who worked for the private detective? Steve.

[B]

Steve. There were two Steve.

[A]

I thought you said that Ronnie worked for the private. No, no, no, no.

[B]

Ronnie. Ronnie did not work for the Awful.

[A]

He's good on paperwork. Awful on surveillance. Oh, did they. Did they leave?

[D]

Yeah, also real loud and he doesn't know it. Yeah.

[B]

So Steve was doing a surveillance work over in Daytona beach and he was. And this was sort of a pre phone camera, but he was doing stealth. Stealth filming this guy who was on full disability. And Steve had video of this guy personally digging a swimming pool. So yeah, they got him for insurance fraud.

[E]

Yeah, now that'll do it.

[B]

Yeah. So now this guy was skydiving and they. They nailed. Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[E]

A so called protein maxing trend on social media has fitness influencers eating what they term boy kibble. Boy kibble refers to simple, fast and easy meals that allow fitness minded individuals to meet their protein goals.

[B]

Ah.

[E]

Content creator Jackson Hadley shared his version of boy kibble, which involves frozen turkey burger patties over a bowl of rice topped with a chick fil a sauce. While some creators add vegetables to their versions of boy kibble, health experts worry that the protein obsessed carnivore style diet. Diet that it neglects other important nutrients such as fiber, vitamin D, calcium, and potassium.

[B]

Ah, it doesn't. I mean, boy kibble to me sounds like something out of a gay porn.

[D]

I mean, it does. Yes.

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna go eat boy kibble.

[D]

Oh, boy.

[E]

Yeah, boy.

[D]

You know, I thought maybe you would, the way you're dressed.

[B]

It's. Are these trends are really getting out of hand?

[D]

Well, the carnivore diet is right for some, not for others.

[E]

And the high protein diet's been around forever.

[B]

Yeah, but yeah, things. Boy kibble.

[D]

Yeah. No, no, don't call it that.

[B]

Can you season, can you season it or is it just for white guys?

[A]

You lost me there.

[E]

Yeah, I don't know what that means.

[D]

You know what? We don't know what you mean, but Ace, I think you have the right to punch.

[F]

I'm pretty sure that yum yum sauce is white guy sauce. Oh, chick fil a sauce.

[D]

Yeah, it's typically white girl sauce. Yeah, white girls love chick fil a sauce, dude.

[F]

Yeah, they do.

[D]

I'm not wrong.

[E]

You're not wrong.

[B]

My daughter.

[F]

My daughter's love gets it by the bottle.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

Even get the individuals.

[E]

Yeah. When they started selling that at the grocery store. Change their lives, change your daughter.

[A]

And they call it.

[B]

I'm sorry, Back half a life before

[E]

they change their lives.

[B]

They call it. What is it? It's protein maxing.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So protein Max and kibble sounds like the, like some really dumb superhero duo. He's protein Max and I'm kibble away Kibble.

[F]

And we both have the gout.

[D]

That's a good way to get the gout.

[E]

You don't count your protein?

[B]

I don't count it, no. What do you mean, count it? I've got better things to do. I just eat it.

[G]

You have to have a lot of it, though. You have to have a lot as we age.

[B]

I eat plenty.

[D]

Yeah, you probably get enough.

[E]

Yeah. Because you don't eat carbs at all. So I'm sure you're getting protein. Unless you're just eating vegetables.

[A]

Yeah. What are you weighing now? About 130, 135.

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

What do you got going on the scale?

[A]

I don't yeah, yeah, of course.

[B]

You don't got to drop another 10.

[E]

What?

[A]

I was just thinking.

[E]

How could you drop another 10?

[A]

Just thinking.

[F]

I hope so. I need some new shirts.

[G]

Yeah, we're really making out over here.

[D]

I got new jeans.

[F]

I know.

[B]

We're breaking because we're going to come back with Bruce. Bruce. This is going to be really exciting. You want to give me a preview of what's to come? Also, Christy?

[E]

Well, we have a very interesting story coming out of the oral care world.

[B]

Oh, this is the one I'm so excited about. This is.

[A]

Is this dentist stuff?

[B]

Yes, it is. I don't even know. I don't want to give it away.

[E]

No, don't give it away.

[A]

When are they going to start selling? I don't want to speak for Pat, but he'll know where I'm headed. When are they going to start selling nitrous on the grocery store shelves? That would be, like, a great idea, right?

[B]

Nitrous oxide.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to talk about dentists and oral care.

[G]

Oh, that's the way to go.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

When you get your teeth cleaned, I

[A]

mean, you're talking about chick fil a sauces.

[E]

Now, there's a girly thing. Why doesn't somebody invent vent something that covers your water. Pick on your bathroom counter. I hate the look of that.

[F]

You could, like, crochet a koozie.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then you could get one for your toilet.

[B]

Get one of those. One of those things you put over a cake.

[A]

It's a little big a dough. You mean like a cake dome? Yeah, the cake.

[B]

The glass thing with the handle on

[D]

it so you can still see it.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That obviously helps.

[D]

Not at all.

[B]

You get the amber one. It's sold by the Ray Ban people. They make sunglasses. We're coming back with Bruce Bruce, no one likes you. These are the O'Reilly Auto Part Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[J]

Hey, thanks for listening to the Bob and Tom show this morning. Get a look at today's show on our YouTube channel.

[A]

Hey, and welcome back to the Bob and Tom show in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. There's Christy Lee at the news desk.

[E]

Hello.

[A]

Patrick Godwin is here. Jeff. Oh, there's Josh Arnold. Hi. Ace Cosby. I'm Chick mcgee.

[H]

Hello.

[A]

Tom, we got a guest.

[B]

I think we're gonna get hooked up with the great Bruce Bruce. There we go, buddy. Hey, man, how are you? Bruce? Bruce may be the funniest human being on earth, and I'm not kidding. If you have ever seen this guy stand back. And I say that because you can see him. Pretty soon you're hitting the road. I understand. I got a lot of dates here in front of of me.

[H]

It's gonna new Netflix special coming out, man.

[B]

Yeah, Excellent. Now, I've got the name of it, but I think it'd be better if you said it out loud. The Netflix special from Bruce Bruce is

[H]

called I Ain't Playing.

[D]

Yeah,

[B]

Bruce. Bruce. By the way, the tour is gonna have lots and lots of stops, including Greenville, Fort Lauderdale, Chicago, St. Louis, Indy, Addison, Texas, Columbus, Ohio. You're going to be all over the place. How are things going in your life? You're doing good. You look great.

[H]

Hey, man, doing good, you know. You know, trying to stay young, but I'm getting old every day.

[B]

Me too.

[H]

Just had a birthday. Just had a birthday. February 4th, I turned 64 years old.

[B]

No way.

[H]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Now, the hat you're wearing, it looks like a miniature chef's hat.

[H]

Well, it is. It's a skull cap. I got it turned down.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

I thought this is a new look. I'm so on hip. I thought this was what the new happening thing was.

[H]

I'm trying to look cool, you know?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I try to. I'm very unsuccessful. Bruce. Bruce is our guest. And I Ain't Playing is the name of the special. And as a kid, were you, Were you a good athlete? Were you one of the guys that was playing?

[H]

Actually, I pretty was. I really was, but I was the kind of kid, the aggravation motivated everybody. I mean, everybody if his guys on the corner, four guys singing, you know, everybody always tried to sing. I just run between and slap all four of them, you know what I'm saying? Just, just, just so they'll run at me and they gonna beat me up. I didn't care. But that was my way of having fun. You know, we played football. Never took it serious. Football, baseball. Just played, but never took it serious. You know, you had guys out there calling plays like they in the NFL. Come on, player. We ain't school ground. We're not serious with this.

[B]

Now, when you say I Ain't playing. Once again, the title of your new Netflix special, are you referring to anything very specific or is it just certain aspects of life you're not going to participate in?

[H]

Absolutely. That's exactly what it is, man. And people need to see this on Netflix because it's really good. And when they see it, they know I am not playing.

[B]

Now, Bruce. Bruce, once again is our guest with the distinctive speaking voice, just a beautiful, mellifluous voice. And this is your first special in more than a decade. Am I getting this right?

[H]

Right, about 15 years. Yeah. I hadn't did one in 15 years, but I'm not gonna wait that long. I think I'm gonna do another one in 27.

[B]

And one of the things that folks that know comedy know Bruce. Bruce is kind of legendary for allowing the audience to come say hi when he's done and getting their picture taken, et cetera, et cetera.

[H]

Oh, yeah, I like that you get

[B]

to meet the fans. Is there a question that every fan seems to ask? Is there's like one repeated question you get all the time from your fans after the show.

[H]

I tell you, it's one stupid question. People always say, I thought she was taller. And I'd be like, well, how big is your TV? Because if you. If it's a 13 inch, I'm a giant. But if it's a 70 inch, I'm my size.

[B]

But that is one of those things every time you meet, like, you'll meet some movie star or someone you've only seen on tv, and sometimes it goes the other way. Sometimes. I had no idea you were that tall.

[E]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

But, yeah, they get to see alive and in person. Now, how do you remember when you first started doing this? Did your friends say, hey, man, get up on stage? Or was it. Did you just know you wanted to do it?

[H]

How did it go all the time? All the time. I was told even when I was working in restaurants may need on stage. I started working for Frito Lay Main eagle on stage. And I did it. And when I did it, I knew that's where I should have been my whole entire life.

[B]

Well, that's. You were working for Frito Lay.

[H]

I did. I used to sell a bag and eat three bags.

[B]

No, I did.

[A]

It was rough.

[B]

What's remarkable. Remarkable about that, that's interesting, at least to our audience, is our. We have a good friend Greg Warren, who is now.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Greg is one of the co hosts now of. Of. What's the name of the show? The Average American Something in. And he is a.

[C]

What.

[B]

What did he work for? Procter and Gamble. So he's. He also.

[E]

He sold Pringles.

[H]

Yeah, Pringle potato chips. Yeah, I sold Frito Lay.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You guys can have a battle of the bands. He. He the whole Nate world right now.

[H]

Oh, yeah. I mean, he's. He's very funny. Greg one is very funny.

[B]

Now we're speaking with another very funny man. He is Bruce. Bruce, once again launching a major tour. And also this show premieres today. Am I getting this right? Your new.

[H]

Absolutely, absolutely.

[B]

Okay. And where'd you film it?

[H]

I did in Chicago. I did Chicago 2025. I did it May 3 and 2 in Chicago, and it's coming out March 3, 2020.

[B]

Was it one show or did you tape a couple of them?

[H]

I actually did two the same night, and they was both sold out. 2500 seaters. Both of them sold out. Gone out of there. Yeah, it was good. I had to do something about Chicago. Had to do a little jokes on Chicago because they known for the polar sausages. You ever ate polar sauce from Chicago? Oh, my goodness. Y' all have got to have a polar sausage from Chicago.

[F]

Yeah,

[B]

Bruce. Bruce is our guest. I'm sorry, which theater was it?

[H]

The Vic. It was called the Vic.

[B]

Now, did when this is the special one show or did you take the best from two?

[H]

Why can't you know? We took the best from two, but they almost didn't have to do much of anything because I did all of them pretty much the same.

[B]

Yeah, because I remember we were doing something like that and they had a problem. The one of the artists with heads up was sweating so much, they couldn't cut back from one show to the other because the armpits didn't match. Wow. It wasn't like, as blatant as, hey, you can't wear a different shirt for the second show. We're not going to be able to show it.

[H]

That's right.

[B]

We're talking with comedian Bruce. Bruce, where'd you grow up?

[H]

Atlanta, Georgia. Born and raised. Atlanta, Georgia. I grew up in the hood. Now, I'll let y' all know now,

[B]

I'm from the hood. Hood.

[H]

But I didn't participate. Participate. Okay. That's the difference. You know, my mother said, you touch any, that, I kill you. So I was more scared of my mother than anything.

[B]

Do you still live in Atlanta?

[H]

Yeah, I still live in Atlanta. I moved to the, you know, nice area, you know.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[H]

No bougie people or the bougie people

[B]

live no longer in the hood?

[H]

No. Oh, no, I wouldn't move back over there. They gave me a million a year and a mansion with 24 hours security. I would not move back over to everybody in life.

[B]

Well, are you friends with Ms. Pat, by chance?

[H]

Oh, yeah, very much so, yeah.

[B]

She's a. She's been in here. Coming in here for more than a decade. And I mentioned It. Because she's coming in here again real soon.

[E]

She built a house in Atlanta.

[B]

Yeah. I was going to say. Yeah. She lives, as she would say, somewhere in the suburbs. I don't know where she is.

[H]

No, no. She built a mansion in Atlanta.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Her dog house.

[F]

Her dog's house house.

[E]

It's bigger than. It's huge.

[B]

Once we're speaking with comedian Bruce. Bruce, do you do any, like, voiceover commercial stuff because you've got such a great voice?

[H]

Yeah, I have. I've did it before, you know, and I. I enjoy it a lot. I really do. I want to. I think I want to do a lot of cartoons. I want to do some cartoon voices, you know, not no funny voices, just something like deep, you know, there he goes.

[B]

That's good.

[H]

Something like that. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Let's just say. Let's just say you were approached if you wanted to be an animal animal. What would you be?

[H]

I would like to be a silverback gorilla.

[D]

Oh, yeah?

[E]

Yeah.

[H]

I like silverbacks. They're strong, man, and they let you know they are in control.

[E]

And their voice would sound like, oh, my God.

[B]

But they're kind of mean.

[D]

Let's just say.

[B]

Let's just say some producer said, hey, listen, Bruce, Bruce, I want you to be some happy animal. What would you be? What's a. What animal would be a hat.

[H]

It got to be something like a rabbit or something. You know, a rabbit is always just jumping around. You know, rabbits jump around, jump around.

[B]

You would be a great rabbit. That is an excellent choice.

[H]

I would a big rabbit and I'd be a big rabbit.

[B]

But you're a man of a certain size.

[H]

A big, happy rabbit.

[B]

You're a man of a certain size. Once again, Bruce Bruce's new Netflix special. It looks like, if I'm reading this right, it's debuting today, filmed at the Vic Theater in Chicago. It is entitled I Ain't Playing. It's on Netflix and you can play it for yourself at your convenience. You can also see Mr. Bruce live and in person in a number of spots, including Greensboro, Fort Lauderdale, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Addison, Texas, Columbus, Ohio, and more. Oh, also in your home court in Atlanta, Georgia, at the City Winery.

[H]

That's correct.

[B]

The tour starts in March. Well, Bruce, always a great pleasure. Hope to see you in person sometime soon. And good luck with this rabbit thing. I think it's a great idea.

[H]

Hey, thank you guys and thanks for having me.

[B]

Oh, it's a great pleasure.

[D]

Thanks for having me.

[E]

Thank you.

[B]

What a great voice that was awesome. And I know, Jeff, you've worked with Bruce, and he just destroys.

[F]

Destroyed seven shows in a row. Sold out. Just lines out the door to meet him. And super nice guy.

[E]

Great.

[B]

Now. Oh. Our visit with Mr. Bruce was brought

[A]

to you by Lee's Famous Recipe Chicken on the Bob and Tom Show. Guest comedian appearances are sponsored by Lee's Famous Recipe Channel. Chicken. Famous for a reason.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I forgot to ask. He is. I forgot that Bruce is famous for his love of great American classic cars.

[E]

He is, yeah.

[B]

Yeah, He's. I. I knew. I read that not too long ago. I should have asked him about that.

[E]

I wonder what he owns. See now, now that we are out of time.

[B]

Yeah, we're out of time. He's. He's got a bunch of really cool cars. Next time. Yeah, we'll make sure. We'll make sure and ask him.

[E]

Him.

[B]

What's coming up in the news, Christy Lee?

[E]

Coming up, we have some very interesting dental news. We have daylight savings time in the news, coffee in the news, owls in the news, and more.

[B]

The owl story is pretty disturbing in the beginning.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

And then there's some really cool science about owls and how they can fly.

[E]

How do I silently entice an owl to build a nest in my owl box? Box. That's what I want to know.

[B]

I got one in my neighborhood.

[E]

An owl.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Oh, I have an owl box. I used to have an owl, but I haven't heard her. Him in a while.

[B]

And it is so creepy every once in a while. I'll see him in the morning. And he does that head spin thing.

[E]

Sure. That's what they do.

[B]

That is. When I was a kid, I thought that was fake. That was like a Disney thing where their head seems to go almost all the way around. Very cool. Right, now it's time to look at your credit card balance.

[A]

Boy.

[B]

You ever notice that if you let your credit cards build up too much, the amount of interest you're paying is just ridiculous? It can be over 20%, and it's just. It'll just. It'll keep you underwater is what I'm talking about. And a friend of mine just did this. What I'm talking about is you do the refi. And American Financing has some very interesting stuff going on right now. Something perhaps the credit card companies don't want you to know about. It's a mortgage from Rate in the Fives, and they're showing homeowners how to use their equity in their home to wipe out their debt. So they do a refinance pay off the credit cards, help you move forward. Average savings about $800 a month. Get the details from the folks that [e-mail] actually, it helps if you go American financing.net BobandTom you can call them up. I know it can be hard to remember a phone number, so I'll give it to you. Kind of slow. 866-889-2611 that's 8, 8. Excuse me, 866-88926 11 again, easier to find them at american financing.net bobandtom and once again, the idea is to take advantage of that equity and pay off the credit card so you're not paying 20% interest because you can really get deep underwater and can never get out. This has happened to a couple friends of mine and they, they took advantage of the refinancing option to take advantage of that equity. The details, well, I've got to give you this disclaimer, but you can find out what's going on once again@american financing.net NMLS 182334 NMLSConsumeraccess.org for more information, APR for rates starting at 6.196% for well, qualified buyers. Details once again, 866-889-2611 but again, the easiest thing to do is just to just to Google American financing.net BobandTom thank you very much. Now coming up, some really cool science about owls. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[D]

Hey, it's the Bob and Tom show live from the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Christy Lee's at the news desk.

[E]

Hello.

[D]

Pat Godwin's there.

[A]

Hey, Josh.

[D]

There's Jeff Oskay.

[F]

That's right.

[D]

Ace Cosby across the way. Hello, I am Josh Arnold. And there's Tom.

[B]

Thank you very much. We've learned a lot this morning, but time to learn a little bit more. We were talking about this earlier today. Never got to it. This is in the world of dental hygiene, very important. I'm a big fan. Yes, I have a water pick.

[D]

Yes, I do, too.

[B]

Don't you guys love your water pick? I have like three different, different electric toothbrushes.

[E]

Three? Why do you need three?

[B]

I've got the one that spins around that way, right?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I've got the, the one that vibrates.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[E]

All right.

[B]

Yeah. Right. Then I've got a traditional toothbrush.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I've got the one that has the little motor in it.

[D]

Boy, you think you'd have a better smile, wouldn't you?

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

You think?

[E]

You

[B]

look at these babies.

[D]

They are good.

[B]

No braces for this guy. I wish I could say that for my children.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

How many of them have crooked teeth now, too?

[B]

Now none of them, really.

[E]

They wore their retainers. Good. Good for them.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. The retainer was what I needed to pay for it. Yeah. But thank you. The doctor did a great job. But the. The larger point is dental hygiene is important. Kristen and I were just talking about water picks and stuff off the year.

[E]

Yes. I want a cover for my water pick. It's a great thing and I love it, but I don't like the way it looks on my bathroom counter. I want to cover it.

[B]

I don't want.

[E]

I want it to be like a decorative thing, like something.

[B]

I have the one that's. That it's built into the handle.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

As opposed to the one that has the little basin you put the water in and it's.

[E]

Oh, I have that kind.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

It's got the base and then.

[D]

Yeah, same.

[E]

Yeah, I'm sure we have.

[B]

Same.

[E]

The same one.

[B]

Mine is like a one piece.

[D]

Oh, gotcha. Yeah, I've seen those. You fill up the hand.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Oh, maybe I need to get a different one.

[B]

Yeah. I don't think it has the power, though. I think the. The one you have, I think. Really?

[E]

Yeah, it goes up to 10.

[D]

Yeah, I. I'm up to 10.

[E]

Are you. Oh, I'm only at a six. I can't.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[E]

I don't know. Maybe I should go up a little bit, but. Oh, yeah.

[G]

Do you have a cover for your

[E]

personal massager that goes in the nightstand? Oh, I don't have to worry about that.

[D]

How are you up to a 10 on that?

[E]

No. God, no. No. Because I think that desensitizes you.

[B]

I'm telling you, get one of those cake things. But they probably. Probably make them for small cakes.

[E]

It would have to be a large dome. It would have to be because it sits pretty high.

[B]

Gotta look weird in your. In your bathroom. People walk in. What's the big dome for? I guess you could. You could unplug it and put it away every time.

[E]

I know, but I don't really have the space under the counter for that.

[B]

Okay, well, time to move the oral.

[A]

Yep.

[G]

New house.

[E]

I just redid that bathroom. Time to redo it again. The oral care brand known as His Smile and the candy brand. Reese's are teaming up to launch Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Toothpaste.

[B]

I think this Is a great idea.

[E]

His smile announced the collaboration, saying it's sugar free fluoride plus formula will be available for a limited time in that unmistakable Reese's peanut butter cup chocolate and peanut butter flavor.

[D]

Oh, I want. But I want the mintiness in the packaging.

[F]

They originally did it with Reese's pieces, but they kept on stopping up the little hole where the toothpaste comes out.

[E]

The toothpaste packaging features Reese's branding with his smile boasting that it comes in a bigger tube. The flavor is being test marketed in Australia and New Zealand.

[B]

So my question is Reese's, and we've talked about them at great length here on this show. What brand peanut butter do they use? Do we know?

[D]

I think it's their own because they have their own peanut butter on the shelves. You can get Reese's peanut butter on the grocery store.

[B]

Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I did not know that because I was gonna. I had a great slogan for him. It's not gonna work.

[E]

Oh, what were you gonna do?

[B]

I was gonna say fresh breath in a jif.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

A gif. No. Okay. Sorry. No, no, no, no. There's. Okay. There's a photograph of it. Yeah, it looks just like it. A Reese's. Yeah.

[D]

In a candy bar, A classic orange and.

[B]

Oh, sure, that'd be fun.

[G]

Yeah, like, my son might like that.

[D]

You get your kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[G]

My son doesn't like the mint.

[E]

He doesn't?

[B]

No, I hate mint.

[D]

What? Even on toothpaste. What's your toothpaste flavor?

[B]

It's some, like, medical grade. I don't like paran docs or something,

[D]

but it's not very minty.

[B]

No, I, I, I, I no like baking soda.

[E]

Is that what you're using?

[B]

No, no, no. It's some exotic gum.

[G]

Exotic gum?

[B]

It's for your gums. I don't know. It's some weird. That's some unpronounceable name.

[E]

Did the dentist recommend it or did you just pick it up off the shelf?

[B]

I like to do all my own medical research, as you know, because the Internet's got everything. Right. No, my dentist recomm.

[E]

Okay, okay.

[B]

We have the same dentist.

[E]

Yes, I know. Hi, Alex.

[B]

He's probably in Greece.

[E]

Probably. No, he's not in Greece right now, is he?

[D]

Well, he might be. Remember Tom's usual braces? He's there for the whole year. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

On a yacht. Actually, that was a different. That was.

[E]

That's a different dentist. That's an orthodontist.

[D]

No, let's not let that get in the way of Comedy.

[B]

Okay, I'll start now. Go. I think that'd be fun, though. I mean, no. Didn't they have. Did you ever try Pepsodent? I was like that.

[E]

Pepsodent. No. We were a Crest family. Always a Crest family. I don't know if your family was like this, but we had one thing. It never changed.

[D]

We were always Crest growing around the world.

[E]

Always Crest, always tied, Always Ivory soap.

[B]

Yeah, that was my idea of suburban rebellion. My mom would get Crest and I would go out and buy Colgate. That's about as rebellious as we got.

[E]

You know, you bring up a good point. That was something. When you got on out on your own and you went, oh, I can try any toothpaste I want.

[B]

Conversely, Chick and I were talking. I. I'm sure there are a lot of great detergents out there. I've always used Tide because my mom did. My mother. I wonder how many people have that sort of history about various products. You just, just, hey, my mom bought Land o lakes, I buy Land o lakes, et cetera, et cetera.

[E]

Probably a lot, but.

[B]

Do you remember the jingle for pepsidant?

[D]

No.

[B]

You'll wonder where the yellow went when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.

[E]

I do remember that.

[B]

And then, of course, I remember at Mercer School we would sing you'll wonder where the yellow came from when you brush your teeth with bubble gum. Which we thought was hilarious.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But didn't they come out with a.

[E]

A bubble gum.

[B]

Bubble gum toothpaste. Yeah.

[G]

Oh, it's still out there. My son likes that.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Tastes like bubblegum, but.

[G]

Tastes like bubblegum.

[F]

They have the bubble gum flavored fluoride.

[D]

Yeah, that was always an option.

[F]

That was.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

That's cool.

[F]

Blade of ruined bubble gum for bubble gum.

[E]

When we were kids, was it Bazooka for you or double bubble? Bazooka tasted so much better.

[B]

I thought, yeah, I would.

[D]

We always had double bubble.

[E]

Really?

[D]

Yeah. I don't know why it wasn't Bazooka.

[B]

And I believe I could. This is going to come out wrong.

[E]

Wrong.

[B]

Out. Blow. No. I knew it. You were a whole boy school. Of course. Yeah. That's it. Nothing at 4 o'. Clock. Time for another. It would be. I can blow bubbles.

[D]

Especially a double bubble. Was pretty good at the bubble making.

[F]

I always felt like the bazooka was seven years stale.

[D]

That's how I felt.

[F]

Too softer.

[D]

Yeah. There was something harder about the Raft of Bazooka. Okay.

[E]

But back then they came in little squares. I don't know.

[D]

Right?

[H]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah. Okay, so it's Still.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And the cartoon was always awful.

[D]

Oh, it was fantastic.

[E]

Bazooka Joe.

[G]

And the taste lasted for 10 seconds, maybe, right?

[E]

Yeah. That's how like a double bubble was.

[B]

And wasn't the. Wasn't the nickname of the guy Phallus or something?

[E]

What.

[B]

What was it the guy's name? Remember?

[F]

Oh, Pud.

[B]

Pud. I meant phallic, like pud. His name wasn't Phallus.

[D]

Phallus doesn't live here anymore.

[B]

Okay, if that is the.

[E]

Not.

[B]

If that is not the title of a lesbian porno. Phallus doesn't live here anymore. She kicks the guy out, brings in her girlfriend and says, I'm done with boys. Let's go.

[E]

Oh, God.

[B]

We have to produce. Phallus doesn't live here Anymore. That has. I mean, it has to have been done. I'm sorry.

[E]

So anyway, survey. Oh, are we done with the. Are we going to talk about coffee now? Because coffee. You know what I learned? Here's something I'm gonna. This is a psa. I read somewhere where if you drank hot water with lemon in it, it was really good for your digestion, especially in the morning. First thing I started doing that, I went to see Dr. Alex, your dentist. Yes. Stained teeth. And they're like, what did you do? Did you change toothpaste? What have you done? I go, no. Found out hot water with lemon can stain your teeth. Really? Because it opens up the enamel on your teeth, and the lemon, the citrus gets in there.

[D]

Were they yellow or darker?

[E]

They gray. Gray. Yeah. It was awful. You guys never said anything to me either.

[D]

I swear we did. I didn't notice.

[E]

I noticed it in the face.

[F]

You're not looking at your mouth.

[D]

Oh, sorry.

[E]

I noticed it in a picture. And then went to the dentist very shortly thereafter. And I had even said something to my husband. I go, do not post that picture. My teeth look gray. They look awful. And he goes, oh, you're just being a woman.

[D]

Gotta stop using that lemon shampoo.

[E]

Yeah,

[G]

I've been using it for 10

[E]

years and apparently certainly doesn't work. It's fine if you. If your water is, like, tepid or even cold, but hot.

[D]

It really gets in there.

[E]

It really get in there.

[F]

Wow.

[B]

Doesn't it show that your toothbrush isn't doing its job? Well, shouldn't you be using a whitening toothpaste to counteract that?

[E]

But you. You brush your teeth, then you go to work, and then you drink the lemon.

[D]

Oh, boy.

[E]

Yeah, I don't brush my teeth after every time I drink Something. Do you?

[B]

I keep a toothbrush in my desk.

[E]

Well, of course you do.

[D]

So you have to drink your hot lemon water with a sprawl.

[G]

Have you tried white out? That's works.

[F]

Why?

[D]

That will work.

[E]

You know what I did temporarily. I just quit doing it. Oh yeah.

[B]

Now you get the gout. Don't complain to me.

[D]

Well, Chris, Scurvy.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is the one?

[E]

No citrus. No citrus for me. No, I hate citrus.

[A]

But okay.

[B]

I don't have the story in front of me. Do we remember the scurvies making a big comeback?

[E]

Yes.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Kids aren't eating fruit or whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

See?

[B]

Yeah, I'll. I'll dig the story up. Yeah.

[E]

Well. Yeah. Why wasn't it didn't have anything to do with the shots, did it? Yeah. With Ozempic.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

It was.

[D]

Their cravings were gone.

[E]

Cravings were gone. Yeah. They're not eating as much. It's also because of people's hair to fall out. Caloric deficit. Yeah. Gotta be careful.

[D]

So.

[B]

Yeah, it's. And scurvy. That's the one that the sailors would get, right?

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Are you scurvy?

[A]

Lamb.

[B]

And they're supposed to. To eat limes, right?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Yeah, I'll dig up the story.

[H]

I remember.

[E]

I think we just did the story.

[B]

Well, that was just perhaps the precis. The full.

[E]

A new study suggests caffeine may help ease symptoms of anxiety and depression.

[D]

Now, right off the bat, I'm skeptical. As somebody who has dealt with anxiety and depression my whole life.

[E]

Yes.

[D]

Caffeine was like one of the first things that needed to be eliminated. Maybe they found something new.

[B]

You're not drinking enough.

[E]

This story.

[B]

You got to have so much. You can't be. You can't be depressed. I'm not depressed because I am vibrating so much. I can feel it through my chair.

[E]

According to this story, it calms inflammation in the brain.

[A]

Really?

[E]

Researchers found caffeine consistently reduced anxiety like behavior in animals and improved memory performance. And depressed rodents because, gosh, haven't you. Isn't it sad to see a mouse or a rat that's just all boy? It's a bummer. Well, the caffeine helped restore their motivation, so.

[B]

All right.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

I've never seen a non motivated rat. Yeah, they're usually pretty all the time.

[E]

Mice in our house are busy, I can tell you that.

[B]

Yeah, I. I'm with you, Josh. Though. Every time I see any of these heads headlines, it's always one glass of wine a day. You'll live. Sure it's always the same thing with coffee.

[D]

It always seems to be three cups.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

Yeah, that's like the. The. The sweet spot.

[E]

Yeah. Two to three cups.

[B]

Yeah. Why can't it be how many do you drink a day like today? Too many. Why can't the headline be, I don't know, cigarettes, coffee and bagels.

[E]

Bourbon.

[B]

You're gonna live forever. Yeah.

[D]

You'll hear Those old people 102 years old going, yeah, bagel and a bourbon every morning.

[E]

That's why not a bourbon every day.

[B]

Yeah, but I like coffee cake and coffee. You'll live for that.

[E]

Is that your favorite?

[B]

Oh, God.

[E]

Oh, really?

[B]

Real coffee cake. Really sugary and great.

[D]

Oh, yeah, that is great. Coffee and pie is one of my favorite.

[B]

Oh, God, yeah.

[G]

French crawler and a coffee.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How about this? This old lady ate ice cream every morning for 95 years. That sounds great. Can it be chocolate? But no, no, it's a. Again, These are always whatever's best for you.

[D]

You'll figure it out.

[E]

Yeah, but talk to your doctor.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So this is saying caffeine is really good for you if you're depressed. This explains the sales of Mountain Dew.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Well. And anxiety. I mean, I know when I'm having an anxiety attack. I know what I think. Oh, I need to think more. I need more juice so that my brain works more.

[E]

Well, I.

[F]

No.

[D]

Oh, yeah. You need to do something with your hands, usually.

[F]

Oh, I have anxiety. Here, take meth.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Maybe the problem. Too much caffeine can mirror the symptoms of. Or mimic the symptoms of anxiety. Maybe it's weird. Yeah, whatever. Find out what's best for you with your physician.

[E]

And like Tom said, we have a story like this every day. That will count. Tomorrow we'll have one that says, yeah, don't drink coffee because.

[B]

Exactly. But I like to read them.

[E]

Yes, of course.

[B]

It's fun, you know, get them out there and find out for yourself.

[E]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Let's see now. Oh, I know. I want to tell you about something I. I truly believe in. And that's the aura frame. What is an aura frame? There's a funny picture of me and Chick right there.

[E]

Maybe you're looking for an Easter gift. It's right around the corner. Maybe you want to take something to. To mom for Easter brunch is a

[B]

nice surprise St. Patrick's Day gift. You get a picture. Get a picture of yourself dressed in green and have it rotating through there 50 times. You can. You can get an aura frame for yourself. We got a special deal for you. And I'm trying to explain how it works. It's a picture frame and you load it electronically with unlimited photographs and videos. It's super cool. And the way it works is you don't even have to be in the presence of the frame to do so. It's a 8 by 10 frame. This particular one I believe is the Carver Mat frame. Yeah. And the way it works is you load it up with a bunch of pictures and videos. Like I said, it makes a great gift. When we first started talking about this, I made sure that I got one. I bought one for my house. When you first walk in my house, if you go through the garage, it's right there with a bunch of pictures of the kids rotating through it. It's really great. This is a terrific gift. As Christy says, maybe gift yourself yourself. How do you get one? Well, you go to auraframes.com and that's a U R aura. Auraframes.com the promo code is Tom. I would ask you to use that because you'll save 35 bucks off the best selling Carver Mat frame. A U R aura frames.com the promo code is Tom. Mention the show. Mention the Bob and Tom screen. Check out. That'll help you. It'll help us, it'll help them and we certainly appreciate it. But this is really cool. Cool. And like I said, you can. Once you have the code for your frame, say you give it to your mom and you want to send her pictures of your kids and every day she could have a new shot that would rotate in the in sequence. It's real easy to program and I can prove it. I did it. The person who had jazz music playing through his electronic gizmo this thing all day long and couldn't even hear it. So there should be a thing. If Tom can do it, you can do it. Possibility your dog could do it. Dog offer void in most American states. The Aura Frame A U R a frames aura frames.com this has the full double thumbs up endorsement of our staff. It's really cool. Coming up, are we going to get our owl segment in?

[E]

Sure we will.

[B]

This is a really interesting thing about the science of flying in silence. Scary, isn't it? These are the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[J]

Thanks for listening to the Bob and Tom Show. Sponsored in part by Java House, the official coffee and refreshments of the Bob and Tom Show.

[B]

26.

[D]

Hey, it's the Bob and Tom Show. Live from the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios, Christy Lee's at the news desk.

[E]

Hello, Josh.

[D]

Matt Godwin's there.

[G]

Hey, Josh.

[D]

There's Jeff Oskay.

[F]

I got a question.

[H]

Question.

[D]

Oh, okay. We'll get to that in a second. There's Ace Cosby. Hey, Josh. I am Josh Arnold and Tom. Jeff has a query.

[B]

I whatever you're into.

[F]

I, I, I was wondering, I thought this the other day. Why is there no mouse flavored cat food on the market? Huh.

[D]

Because they seem to enjoy.

[E]

Yeah, that's a great question.

[D]

All right. Or even just cat food made from mice.

[B]

Yes.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Oh, that's a great idea.

[B]

My guess would be too bony maybe,

[D]

but certainly they can grind it up to a yeah. Because they have fish.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Who knows? Somebody at Shark Tank. I'm taking it.

[D]

All right.

[E]

What would you call it?

[B]

You can't have the word Mickey anywhere.

[F]

Of mice and kitties.

[D]

I don't know. How about it's a mix of fish and mice and it's salmon mouse similar to salmon moose.

[E]

That's good.

[B]

That's. I think that's too sophisticated.

[D]

Well, for some cats, that's what

[B]

cancer. So ifet, if you will. You were going to say of, of mice. What is it? Of mice and cats. I like that. A Steinbeck thing.

[D]

Mice and meal of mice and menu.

[B]

Oh, I like that.

[F]

I'll workshop and get it back to you.

[E]

All right.

[B]

Would PETA complain about this?

[D]

Oh, yeah. Well, they complain about everything.

[E]

But that make. That is a very good question.

[F]

Yeah. Huh.

[E]

All right. I mean, the things you think about. Amazing.

[B]

But demise have much meat.

[E]

Well, they have something.

[D]

It's more Honestly, for cats, it's more about the kill. It's more about the journey, the way they move and how they and they want to catch them.

[E]

Do they not eat when they get them?

[D]

Mine eats most of it.

[E]

Really?

[G]

Yeah.

[D]

Yep.

[H]

Wow.

[D]

I have found a head here. A tail.

[E]

Oh, God. You could use some chipmunks in there too, if you'd like.

[D]

Yeah. All right.

[B]

Well, we'll get on that. This may be a Shark Tank idea. In the meantime, we're talking about owls.

[E]

Yeah. Scientists are taking inspiration from owls to create new noise reduction technology. Unlike traditional soundproof, which relies on heavy bulky layers of material, Owls stay quiet in flight thanks to soft feathers and porous skin that absorb both high and low frequency sound. They're amazing if you've ever seen this. Researchers developed a lightweight two layer aerogel that mimics these natural structures. How cool is that Material could eventually help quiet cars and industrial facilities.

[D]

No kidding.

[B]

Aerogel gel aerogel. But have you ever Seen. There's a terrific video if you Google it. It's a. A video of an owl flying into a camera in slow motion.

[D]

It looks like the COVID of that Rush album.

[B]

Yeah. And they. It's terrifying. They're.

[D]

I love it.

[E]

I do too. They're talented.

[D]

But you are afraid of them, huh?

[A]

Oh, yeah. There's one.

[B]

There's one that lives right by my house. I. I'll hear you yell at him or her. And again, the cool thing that they do is they.

[E]

That.

[B]

That head twisting gizmo thing that's. Scientists got to figure that out. How cool would be able to do that?

[D]

Yeah. They can really lend a Blair their heads around.

[B]

That'd be really handy if you were skiing, for example.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

So you look and see the snowboarder about to ram into you.

[E]

Shoppers in an upstate New York antique store were surprised to find a small owl napping on a shelf. The state Department of Environmental Conservation said customers at the moment Marketplace in East Durham spotted quote something extremely lifelike on one of the shelves and alerted store staff.

[D]

Hey, that statue over there is eating a rat.

[E]

The conservation officers arrived to find the brown and white owl fast asleep.

[D]

Oh.

[E]

Department said officers gently removed the eastern screech owl and released it into a wooded area where it flew into a nearby tree.

[B]

Now a little quiz here, Christy. Do you know what a little baby owl is called?

[E]

An owl.

[B]

An owlette. And if they get caught in the rain, it's a moist owlette.

[D]

Isn't that something?

[B]

How did this owl get into.

[E]

That's a great question. I don't know. Maybe he flew in when the door was open or something.

[B]

But he's just standing there. Nobody noticed him. I guess he was probably just.

[E]

Well, he probably looked like a taxidermied owl if you're in an antique store.

[B]

The funny thing. Did you see the photograph of it?

[I]

I did not.

[B]

Oh. Because it's. It's. Oddly enough, he's standing right next to some vintage Hooters T shirts.

[D]

Boy, that is. That's coincidence.

[B]

What are the. What are the odds of that?

[E]

Am I the only person that feels really sorry for those birds that get stuck inside and they can't get out?

[D]

You know, I think some live it up. Like you'll go to a big box store.

[E]

Yeah, well, those. But I was in a restaurant recently and this little bird, I felt so bad for him. He's just sitting at the window like, I just want to go out. Somebody just let me out.

[B]

Yeah, there are ways to get him out.

[E]

There are.

[B]

I Had a hummingbird in my garage.

[E]

Hummingbirds, they're tricky.

[B]

And there's a whole protocol you have to go through with a flashlight and got to be dark and.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Oh, no. I bet you a butterfly net.

[B]

No, no. They're very. You can't. They're too delicate.

[E]

Delicate.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Even just opening the garage door wanted

[F]

to leave a lot.

[B]

I would open. I open the garage door. Nope.

[E]

He wouldn't leave.

[B]

Nope. I forget the whole thing. I googled it and there's a whole thing involving a flashlight. And I had to.

[E]

I had one with this little beak stuck into my screen of my patio pool.

[D]

What? You just kind of poke it back through.

[B]

I had to put eye black on. It was very weird. I want to get back to mouse flavored cat cat food.

[G]

It's a heck of an idea.

[E]

It is a heck of an idea.

[D]

Yeah. I mean, why not?

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Maybe there has to be some reason they don't do it.

[F]

Dude, I'll throw the word artisanal on there.

[B]

Organic mice.

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Free range. Yes. Yes. Mouse or

[D]

not bad. Oh, yeah. Just go my seroni to get it. Really? The.

[G]

To go with the Myce a Roni.

[B]

Very. And is what. What city is famous for having a lot of mice?

[E]

Well, New York, Chicago, maybe.

[B]

Okay. Because obviously rice Aroni is the San Francisco treat.

[F]

Right.

[E]

Mises pieces has been sent in by my friend Rudy.

[F]

I like that.

[B]

That's a good trees pieces.

[D]

Yeah, that's pretty good.

[E]

Good.

[B]

Yeah. That's based on. I hate Mises to pieces.

[D]

Yeah. I love that guy.

[B]

Who is that?

[D]

I don't remember his name, but he would always make me laugh. I hate Mises to pieces.

[E]

Heaven. It's like her Murgatroyd.

[B]

Heavens to Murgatroyd.

[D]

That's not that. It's not that guy. But they're similar.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. My Ceroni is the way to go. I like it. I think that's very nice. And we'll find out why there isn't a mouse. So you're talking not just mouse flesh flavor. This is com. This is made of actual mice.

[F]

We could go either way.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

I'm down for both.

[D]

Depending on what you want to spend.

[F]

Exactly.

[D]

You have your higher end actual mice.

[F]

You could just have like a little mouse shaker thing that you just shake a little mice flakes on top.

[E]

Are they gonna be farm raised mice? Are you gonna. Of course.

[G]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

You can't.

[D]

No, no.

[B]

You don't want the free range.

[E]

Well, you don't know where they've been

[B]

they're a little gay. Me. Your cat looks up. No. No. Because cats love to say no. Much more so than dogs. Dogs are game for anything. Cats. No, we're not gonna do that. Swimming.

[D]

No.

[B]

Well, we certainly enjoyed your company today and I hope you enjoyed this. We are in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is the Bob and Tom Show.

[J]

Just gotta get a hold of us. Call, text or email. Get all the call contact information you need at bob and tom.com. this is the Bob and Tom Show, Westwood One Sports Talk.

[B]

Start your day with Drake C. Toll. The same guy who had the correct

[J]

top three teams in the preseason.

[B]

Oh, that's me. Is going to give you the correct prediction for the big championship game for free.

[G]

Ben Black and Abdallah, what an incredible shot.

[A]

We've got college hoops, spring training and

[J]

everything happening in the NFL.

[G]

And Westwood One Sports.

[A]

Not, not even close to being tired

[B]

right now on Westwood One Sports Night, Westwood One Sports Talk. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.