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Priceline. It's the Bob and Tom Show. Whenever life gets you down Keeps you wearing a frown and the gravy train has left you behind. And when you're all out of hope down at the end of your rope and nobody's there to throw you a line. If you ever get so low that you don't know which way to go Come on and take a walk in my shoes. Never worry about a thing Got the world on a string. Cause I've got the cure for all of my all love is blues. I take a look at my enormous penis and my troubles start melting away. I take a look at my enormous penis and the happy times are coming to stay. I gotta sing and I dance when I glance in my pants and the feeling's like a sunshiny day. I take a look at my enormous penis and everything is going my way. Sam Penis. Sing along at home, why don't you? 1, 2, 3. I take a look at my enormous penis. It's not that hard. My troubles start melting away. Just Bob and Tom. I take a look at my enormous penis and the happy times are coming to stay. Baby, yeah. I got great big amounts in the place where it counts. And the feeling's like a sunshiny day. I take a look at my enormous. Everything is going my way. I'm Bob and Tom now. Everything is going my way. Hey, look at these goobers. Everything is going my way. Hello. From coast to coast, it's the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom. Bob and Tom. Bob and Tom. Many portions of the Upcoming program have been pre recorded. Meaning they've already happened and they're about to happen again. So where was it? Oh. Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, we're glad to have you here. It's the Bob and Tom show. Tom, we have a wonderful guest this morning. Where? Right over there in the interview loft. Oh, it's John Marco Ceres like to say hi. Hey, John Marco. Do you like to be your close, close friends? Do they call you, I don't know, JM or John or John Marco? Do they have to do the whole thing? I don't think we're there yet in our relationship. No, I'm sure. I just. I mean, it's kind of a handful. I know. But if. If I. If I. If I give an inch, I'll never get my name back. Yeah. So I went through the phases. Like, you know, in. In high school I was g. College gm. But then I learned if I do it then I'll never get it back. So my father and my. My girlfriend now will call me Gianni sometimes. Gianni. Gianni Versace. So. But that's. But. But they're the only. That's it. Okay. That's the. You know who's. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. So we'll call you. So you can't call him that. I'm not just. I'm just curious. I was kind of. Unless you buy him dinner first. Okay, now you. A couple questions. Don't be. Can you drive a car? I cannot. I have a license, which is not good because I got it in. I mean, it truly is a failure of the system all having a license. It means that I parallel parked once in 2004. It's insane that I have a license. Still. The reason I ask, because I went to college in New York City and a lot of my buddies there, they couldn't drive or swim because they grew up in New York City. Can you swim? I can swim, but because I grew up in Maryland, I should be able to drive. This is not a New York thing. This is a. I had. I had a girlfriend in high school and she. She drove. She. And she would drive me places and then she. She broke. Is nothing worse than being dumped and then needing to ask your ex for a ride home. Wow. Rare but brutal. Yeah. And I just. I asked you that. I just had this sort of feeling. What, that he didn't drive? Yeah, he. He gives off that I need a useless I need a lot of help vibe. Sorry, I don't mean that in a negative way. It came off negative. Yeah. How could that be a positive? Yeah. Thank you. You are that vibe. You wander around here needing help constantly. How many people work for you? I dare. Yeah, I can't. So anyway, the point is, it's great to see you and so now you mentioned that you have a girlfriend. I do. Prior to this, were you using the so called dating apps? Were you out in that world or is there one just for theater people? That's for like straight theater people. I was going to say Grindr. That's. I know. I never did a lot of, I never did a lot of the apps. I was, I would always, I would go on dates and then like, I would never know how to end the date. So I would just like be polite and we'd be there for three hours and we'd make fake plans and it was all awful. I don't know, because I went through. I basically like, I dated someone in, I dated someone in college and we dated for like five years and then she broke up with me at a crowded Starbucks in the middle of the day. And I was like, why would you do this here? And she was like, because I didn't want you to make a scene. And I was like, well, then you shouldn't have brought an audience. This happened in 2000, so it's still a little bit raw. And I, I, I think, I think she might be seeing someone else because I went to her, I went to her Instagram and there's this one guy that keeps popping up in all of her honeymoon pictures. I mean, modern technology made breaking up so, so degrading. Yeah. I mean, back in the day, if you mailed your ex a letter and she never responded, it hurt. Right. But at least the mailman never came back with the letter. Like she read it, don't they? Isn't it suggested in all the advice columns that if you're going to do the breakup, do it in a public place. That way you don't get a problem. I guess I don't. Yeah, I guess it depends on you go to a public place to not make a scene. But the only place you can make a scene is in a public place. Unless you're Eric Boghossian doing something in your own apartment. But you can't. Yeah, I was just curious. I, I've. Occasionally I'll be able to say, yeah, you're broken up with someone, ghosted them to death. That's my technique. Avoid, avoid, avoid. That's ever been in like, say you're at a coffee place and you realize that the people right next To. You are on a. They're on a date for the first time. I always like it. I do too. I like to eavesdrop. Oh, I. I just like. You can tell. It's one of those. Those app things in your. Tell how well it's going right away. Wait, you feel like you can tell what app they met on? No, no, no. That would be fair, but no, I mean, I can. Those two men on J Date. I can tell. I just got a sense. Tom has no idea what J Date is. No, I know what it is. I grew up in Shaker Heights, Ohio. Oh, okay. I'm more Jewish than anyone in the world. No, no, I'm aware of that one. And there's. There's. What is. There's a. There's plenty of fish. There's hinge. Farmers only. There's one for farmers tender. What's hinge for? Is that some specific. I think it's just the new data. Bumble's. The one where the woman has to respond. Yeah, but it used to be. I'm pretty sure that they switched that because it didn't work. I'm pretty sure that they. They changed it. Yeah. Oh, no kidding. It wasn't happening. Like the. Not enough guys were getting. Yes. Notified that women were interested. Yes. I use Bumble for. For a little bit and it would be like you'd match and then nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Do women. Jess and Christie, do you want to be. I'll answer all. Answer this. Well, of course. But do you. Do. I think. Do most women want to be asked out as opposed to asking out a guy? I would do. I don't mind either way. If I. If I'm interested in a guy, then I'm going to approach him and. And if he doesn't ask me out, then I'll ask him out. I see. Christy, are you the same? Yeah. I've never had any problem in that department. I've never been shy. Yeah. Yeah. But you were never on the apps, were you? Once. How'd that go? I was too. Sorry. Yeah. My sister set up an account for me and I. She. She was like, okay, we're going to get your parameters like this asking the age, interests, all these things. And it was like four guys in a 10 mile radius. And I was like, yeah, I'm. It would be tough to be on a dating app with the last name hooker. Yeah. Would be like, you're not allowed to do this here. That's a different app. Yeah. And also being on the radio, it kind of is weird, you know? Like a semi public figure, right, I assume. Well, I was on Match and I just put my pick. I literally took a picture sitting right here with the Bob and Tom sign right behind me. Bad idea? No, because I wasn't going to play the game. I wanted people to go right out. I imagine guys would go. At least a lot of my female comedian friends, they say that guys, they always go, oh, I've always thought about doing comedy too. They have to deal with like, guys being like, yeah, I should do it. Oh, yeah, tell me a joke. Wow, interesting. Never, never. When people say tell you a joke outside the context of never do it, you never do it. You have to. They always. I remember once when I was single, I was like going to a club and there was like a woman behind me and we were flirting and she was like, you know, oh, you're comedian, tell me a joke. And I was like, no, no, no. And then eventually she. She got me to do it. I told the joke and she was like, okay, yeah, it doesn't work. It doesn't work. It feels corny. It feels weird. You have to slip it in naturally. I always just say, hey, I get paid for that. All right. And that gets a mild laugh and then we move on. Yeah, that's good. That's. Maybe we should go. Go with something really racist. Just. Well, some of us want to keep working. Yeah, I'm just. See what shock value does. Okay, so these three walk into a. That's usually what happens though, when somebody says, hey, I got it. You want to hear a joke? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very offensive. Some kind of religious aspect of it. In sodomy. In the same thing. How specific to the dating app is there? I mean, you got. Depends on what happens. It depends on what happens. Is there one for sort of everything? Probably, yeah. There's one for famous people. What's. Yes, that's. There's Raya, right? Oh, that's. Raya was like an invite only app. Yeah. But now even that's like, it's faded. You can pay, I think, to join. Oh, yeah, there's another one too, that. Is there one for like widowers only? So. Yeah, I bet. So she's. She's already dead dot com. Plenty of dirt. First one. First one. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That'd be good. We're really helping. Oh, God. I like that. There are really specific dating apps. Yes. Did you ever go on one? No, I've never done it. Because they work and being the commitment for Good morning and welcome to a Memorial Day Monday here on the Best of the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studio. Coming up today, Greg Hahn, Chris Higgins, Shane Moss, Nick Novicki, Jen Kober, Greg Warren and lots more. Up next on this Monday morning, Michael Cleveland on the fiddle. It's coming up right after this here on the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom. 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I was walking down the street, went to my local bar. But that door was locked inside the place was dark. There was a sign on the door, it said, lookie here, we had to shut down. We're out of beer. Everywhere I went far and near, it was the same sad story. We're out of beer. I'm talking no more Bud, no more Miller Light. No fat women getting lucky tonight. What y' all gonna do when the beer runs out? What you going to do when the beer runs out? Get me a gun. There is no doubt, you might as well shoot me when the beer runs out. Everywhere I went that night I found there just was not no more beer anywhere around. There was no more strohs, no more cores. They were putting churches in my liquor stores. So I went on down to my favorite bar. I knew I'd find at least some pbr. And then my favorite waitress said, lookie here, we gotta shut down. We're outta beer. Whatcha gonna do when the beer runs out? Whatcha gonna do when the beer runs out? Get beer. Fun. There is no doubt you're gonna have to shoot me when the beer runs out. Now wait, the bartender, you tell me you got no Wiedemann. How about a Blacks Wisconsin club? Gotta have Wisconsin. No Wisconsin Club Black label hello kiss Mabel for a black label Drewries, slits, rolling rug, golden dolphins mark five old style red, white and blue at this rate I might wake up on Sunday morning and feel good Hell, I might wake up on Monday and still have cash Nobody's gonna be better looking in clothes in time all of a sudden I wake up in my own bed Seems it was a dream made up in my head look at my watch, it's Sunday night Figured a beer will make me feel all right I open up my fridge oh no, not here the whole thing is real I'm out of beer What y' all gonna do when the beer runs out? What y' all gonna do when the bear runs out? Oh yeah, get me a gun There is no doubt you're gonna have to shoot me when the beer runs out What y' all gonna do when the beer runs out? What ya gonna do when the beer runs out? Get me a gun There is no doubt you're gonna have to shoot me when the beer runs out. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show on this Monday morning. This is Christopher doing the best of in the Bob and Tom O'Reilly Auto Parts Studio. I'm a little fiddle this morning. Here's Michael Cleveland. Right now I will introduce our special guest. He is the guy a Grammy award winning violinist slash fiddler. He is Michael Cleveland. Michael, can you saddle up to that microphone? What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? Can you tell me? Well, I think you guys figured it out. I heard you on there earlier about strings and strings. You know, my other favorite joke is how can you tell when a fiddle is out of tune? And that is when the bow is moving. I see, I see. Now you've been playing with our some of our Stu for years and we always appreciate your. You know. As a matter of fact, dad who was nice enough to bring me over here today and get up at about 4am he turned me on to you guys a long time ago. And I used to listen to you all right. Before I go to school and I had a boom box and I would record the rest of the show and I think dad would turn the tape over before he leave to go to work and we would listen to pretty much every day. Wow. Well, thank you. You know, every time I run into Sam Bush on the road, we. We both have to do our impression of Harry Carey. It's always the afterlife. It might be. It could be. It is afterlife Sparks with Harry care. Oh, that's great. I mean it never fails. Man, that is Fantastic. Now, I know that Mr. Godwin, you've been working with Michael, and you worked on a new album and. Yeah. Let's try living next to you. Do a sound check first. Okay. Yeah. Let's see how this sounds. We got Michael on the fiddle over there. How does that sound? That sound pretty good. Everybody. Yeah. You never return my rake and you don't cut your lawn. You play Skinner down the weekends loud some nights through the crack of dawn. Turn it down, you got a mean old dog. Cause I'm blocked. Six kids, a dead oak tree and your brawler seldom mom is on the porch for all to see. I've never been so annoyed Living next to you. It's a nice neighborhood party. Tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna slow dance with your mother at the backyard barbecue, get her all hot and bothered even though she's 82. I'll put on Free Bird and get your mom to dance. She'll have one hand on my butt and the other down my pants out there to dance with your mama. Make your boobs jiggle and shake. And I'll bet you by tomorrow you return my rake. Yeah. Oh, thank you, Pat. Dancing with. Dancing with the old lady. That's very nice. Somewhere. I said boobs. No, that was Michael Cleveland on the violin. And Michael's gonna hang with us this morning. Look. Oh, sorry. Either one. Either one's okay. That sounded like a fiddle song there. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. And I was saying earlier, the original title of Violinist on the Roof. Yeah. Didn't really have the. I don't know. Punch. Yeah, the. The Fiddler on the Roof. Fun. Violinist on the Roof. Oh, sad. Yeah. Yeah. Too serious, maybe. Like Young Frankenstein. Like. Well, you know, it's like Pearlman. He calls it a fiddle, too. I always thought that was pretty. He's pretty good. Yeah. All right. He knew his way around. One day. You got to call him the. Yo, Pearl man. What's up, Pearl man? You got to. Right? Yeah. Well, we had a guy doing his help helping us with one of our songs once. That was from the symphony orchestra. And he referred to his ax, which I thought was rather violin, was his axe. And you're producing of the shows. The music. Tom, when do you go in and act like you know everything more than the symphony music? It would be things like. Is it like, almost instantly. Hey, in that little break there. Can do the. A Lick from Deliverance. That kind of thing. It. Oh, boy. Now, by Lick from Deliverance, you mean. Thank you, Michael, for the. I don't Think anybody licked anybody? Didn't they? That is amazing. You remember what they said? I get them panties right on down. I say it gives us a bad name. Where you. Where you at, Godwin? I don't know. I can't believe of the wrong instrument, but whatever, man. Yeah. No, you nailed it. You. That's, that's fantastic. So, Michael, I guess you were never in like a marching band, being that you're blind and everything. That probably. We did play dodgeball, though. That was the worst game ever. They had a ball with a bell in it and you could hear it headed towards your. Yeah, there. Just when it was about to nail you in the head. If you ducked in time. Hey, the bell's getting loud. Now this will be a complete unrelatable. You know, they're blind guys that ski, Michael. Really? And they. Part of it. Sometimes they have a special sounder. Sometimes you would have to. There's, there's various ways that it's done, but. Yeah, sometimes. Yeah. Well, what if they don't have a sounder? They just wander around the hill? No, they'll be, they'll be following a guy and I guess if you drift off too much, you know, with the trees and everything, it could be pretty scary. Do you do any athletic endeavors, Michael? No, nothing like that. I haven't started skiing yet. Okay. If you want to. But I just got these new AI glasses. Oh, yeah. These new meta Ray Ban smart glasses. And I keep threatening to drive the van now that I've got those. What do they do? Well, they, they kind of tell you. Tell you. You know, they'll. They'll let you know what you're looking at. Like it'll read a menu to you or. Oh, really? Ever kind of tell you in front of you. But I, I, It'll tell. It's supposed to tell you what's in front of you, but we found out the other day that our banjo player in the band attempted to flip me the bird. Oh. And it would not re. It would not tell me that they looked like a regular pair of Ray Ban shades. Yeah. Now, how specific does it get if you. Let's say there are two women in front of you who want to meet you. Do they say. Well, there's. You have to ask. Yeah, I should say something like, hey, ducks on the pond. Yeah. Stuff like that. You know, because the one on the left's top. Heavy. Well, they're still updating them. You know, they keep getting better and better. All right. That is amazing. Wow. Do people tend to talk louder when they meet you? Oh, yeah, man. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I thought. Oh, yeah. That's what I see, Tom. I'm not so stupid. There you go. Our guest is Michael Cleveland. He's an expert at the fiddle, among other, many, many other instruments that he plays. And he's a. A Grammy award winner. He's kind of got Pat Godwin nervous this morning. He's so good. I'm just a basher over here. You're bashing. Doing a great thing. Oh, you're going to do one of your tunes now. Yeah, something from the new album Michael plays. You're a knuckle dragger. What? You are. I know. Let's turn that fiddle into a violin. Why don't you just play the guitar with boxing gloves on, huh? That's what it sounds like. Yeah. Playing underwater. European men are so romantic they'll whine and dine you all night long they'll bring flowers, write poems and play guitar outside your window Singing pretty songs European men know what they're doing Whisper in your ear that does the trick. American men will text at 2am and say, do you want to see a picture of my dick? Hey, sorry, Michael, there is a toilet. Once again, Grammy award winner Michael Craven. This will not be in his list of so what are you proud of you've done this year? Well. Well, I played on European Men by Kat Goddard. Yeah, you did well. And one of the disadvantages of being blind, I guess you don't get to look at dick pics. No. Or I guess you could send them. Never thought about that. Well, do you know I'm bad about it. Anytime I've tried to take a picture of anything like that, I usually get the. The ceiling or the wall. Hey, what do you think, baby? Oh, that's the wall. Yeah, I was going to say if. If they. She can see it along with the ceiling. Congratulations. Yeah, I was going to say his sincerity in the right place. Hey, what do you think, baby? I love it. Yes. Dag on it. Now we're going to ask you to stand by for a second while we check in with Christy Lee at the news desk. Christy, what's happening over there? What do you think? Of all the English language countries swears the most, which one? Usa. Usa that's right. Experts determine the numbers of geotagged English tweets from around the world that contained any swear words and discovered the United states ranks number one as the country that swears the most with 41.6 tweets per 1,000 containing curse words. The UK comes in second place, followed by Australia, New Zealand, and Canada. Josh, are you a occasional cursor on when you do texting, et cetera, et cetera? Texting? Yeah, it depends. But I, you know, I know my audience who I'm texting and not what I'm. You know, if I'm texting my mom, I keep it clean. If it's my brothers, it gets a little. It can get a little salty. Yeah. Well, yeah, you know, you go USA then. I didn't know you could use curse words on X, Twitter, whatever it's called. Now, there may have been time where you can't, but now it's wide open. It's like Thunderdome on there. Is it? Oh, yeah. Okay, so in the United States, which state do you think swears the most? I'm gonna. It's. I think it's not gonna be obvious. I'm gonna go, like, South Dakota or something. I am gonna go obvious and say New York. I'm gonna go obvious. Jersey. Jersey. All right, Maryland. Baltimore. The US City that swears the most. Baltimore. Maryland. All right. South Dakota. Chick is the state that swears the least. Son of a gun. Yeah. I would have gone with Utah on that one. Really? That would have been a good guess, too. Oh, on that one. Yes. Where's the least? I would have thought Utah. Michael Cleveland, fiddle player. What musician do you think swears the most? I'm gonna guess bass players. Yeah. Sorry, boy. Pat, your thoughts? Vince Gill. What? Yeah. No way. Oh, he's a. He's a foul mouth. Yeah. He seems like a real jerk. Yeah. Yeah. Nicest guy's religious. That's the joke. There he would be. And Michael W. Smith just. They are just cussing it up. Yeah. Let's say that's really interesting. Wouldn't you like. Which. Which Muppet do you think think cusses the most? I'm. I'm guessing Kermit. What do you think, Tom Kermit? I think the Swedish Chef. We just don't know. Oh, yeah, the Swedish Chef. Yeah. But, you know, when they're. When they're making those, you know that some mistake will happen and, you know, they're gonna. They're gonna curse in character, and they're out there. Those bloopers you can find there are. I. I was watching Just a Bert Nurnie Blooper where Frank Oz and Jim Henson stay in character. Real good. Earn. Why don't you stick to the script? It's hilarious. Even turn to each other. Yes. With the two old guys. I love those guys. Oh, Statler and Wardorf. That'd be great if they started Cursed. They had a bootleg of Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin cussing. They were. They were reading the script. Y' all find that one? Yeah, I've seen that. And there's a. There's a classic of Orson Wellesley. Yeah. Doing the wine thing real drunk. And you can tell he's being paid because he doesn't really care for the wine, I believe. Does the word swill. It's not, not, not pretty. It happens all the time. What else is happening in the news? Oh, Pat had something. No. If you want the honest answer about a rock musician who cursed the most is the truth. Truth. Believe it or not, Donovan did our radio show 1991 and was just filthy. Now, I bet he threw out some words that are more acceptable across the pond. The C word means hello. I couldn't believe I saw that on television. I went, did I just hear that? Did you really? Yeah. Oh, it's a whole different thing. Your sister is pretty much a British citizen, right? No, she used that. Does she use the C word often? Occasionally. Didn't she use it in Scrabble once? Well, we play a different version of Scrabble when we play, any word you can't say on radio or television is automatically a double word score. I highly recommend it. Especially if you hit a real double word score, you're going to get a lot of points. Quadruple. Yeah. So, yeah, it's fun. But, yeah, she tried that once. My mom saw it and we had to explain. That was very awkward. Your mom's aware that you're all adults now, right? When she was alive, she did not talk that way way. You never swore. Expect her children to talk the occasional damn it usually followed by the occasional word tom. So you swear a lot? Constantly. I have no frame of reference thinking, your mother's really a swell person. The GD one is my Michael Cleveland, will you cuss in front of your father? You know, daily. Okay. All right. But he says a few. Awesome. Well, there's a story about me that when I was real little, they had this potty mouth jar. Oh, yeah. Because. Because they. They did try to keep it clean, you know, around. Around a little kid. But, you know, they. My dad and my grandpa and some of my uncles, they say the standard cuss words, you know, and so there. I guess I was real little. And I don't remember this, but I've heard about it many times that I said I was sitting at my. Can you say this word on the radio? By the way, I don't know. We're about to find out. Well, hot damn, it's got excited. I can't wait. I think I said. And. Oh, wait a second. Well, we did find out. We'll be back in just a second. Yeah, ship. Okay. Ship it was. And my grandma said, well, we're gonna have to get the potty mouth jar out every time you cut. Yes, you're gonna have to put a penny in this jar. And I said, well, damn it. Coming up next on this Monday morning, doorknobs or butt plugs? We're just kind of wondering what. You can decide that for yourself, I guess. What's coming up next here on this Monday morning. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom, if you're shopping while working, eating, or even listening to this pod, then you know and love the thrill of the hunt. But are you getting the thrill of the best deals? Rakuten shoppers do they get the brands they love with the most savings and cash back? And you can get it too. Start getting cash back at your favorite stores and even stack sales on top of cash back. It's easy to use and you get your cash back through PayPal or Chex. The idea is simple. Stores pay Rakuten for sending them shoppers and Rakuten shares the money with you as cash back. Download the free Rakuten app and never miss a deal. Or go to rakuten.com to start getting the most bang for your buck. That's R a k u T E N. More of the Bob and Tom show now on this Memorial Day Monday morning. This is Christopher in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studio. How about this question? Doorknobs or butt plugs? Let's try to figure that out on. Hello. I know it's Christian because she's wearing a hat with a K on. Thank you, chick. This is my Christmas present. Oh, yes, yes. The gift that keeps on giving. Yeah. There's Pat Godwin. I had to buy shoes to match it. Oh, oh, oh. There you go. Oh, look at that. Oh, yeah. And each one of those has a K on them. That would may have been a mistake, Christy. Oh, the three strikes. Well, she didn't. She has struck out three times getting married, so not this time. That's right. Oh, yeah. This is a winner. This is your home run. Yeah. Oh, he just got a job and everything. I can't wait again. This is the second time today. I'm not gonna do the joke. I could do. I could, but it would be mean. Hello, Ace. Hello, Tom. ASO outfitted for Veterans Day. Bravo to you Ways. Yeah. I really like that shirt. Kind of a military feel. The Pattilan collection. That's great. That is great. I apologize. My voice is still a lot better than Friday. Yeah, a lot better than Friday. Yeah. But I'm so sorry. Friday had kind of a sexy thing. Thing. Yeah, you did. To have the Barry White today. Today. Slow it down. Today it's kind of sexy. Thank you. Thank you, Chick. Right on. Right on. Let me get it right on out of you. A Chick McGee. Right on, right on. How about a right on from Christy Lee? Right on. A worker at a charity shop in the UK mistakenly labeled a pair of adult toys as door knobs. They happen to be his and her butt plate lugs. That's nice. I didn't know there was such a thing. Did you? No. Oh, sure. You get either. Did I? I have a question. Are they. Are they. Is. Are they shaped differently or is there a. The plugs were spotted on the shelves at an RSPCA branch in North Yorkshire. The woman. So this is. This is the equivalent in England of goodwill, right? This is like the Goodwill story. The woman who noticed the sex toys told Metro UK she bought them. Bought them. Rather brought them up to the attention of the store's customer assistant, who happened to be a woman in her 70s. She said the shop assistant thought they were tiny little doorknobs or knobs for drawers or cabinets. Leather. Turns out you put these in your arse, not bloody lightly. I explained what they actually were. Not without blushing bright red, mind you, and that it would be a good idea to put on rubber gloves, put them straight in the bin. Which she did. A spokesperson for the RSPCA said, quote, we're glad this good faith mistake has given people a little laugh and hopes. This goes to show there are some brilliant bargains and unexpected surprises to be found in your charity shop. That's a good spin. Yeah. Hey, you'll never know what you'll find here. Butt plugs and broomsticks. Angela. Angela Lansbury. What kind of a person would donate butt plugs through their charity? It's possible. Maybe it was a state that someone had died and it was found in a drawer or something. Grandma was always smiling. Grandpa. Are they. Are they different in size, the male versus the female? Probably not. I mean, could a physician I know, for example, measure you? If you. Could a physician tell the female anus from the male? Is that. Is there a distinction? I don't. Gender wise, if you will. I don't think so. Yeah. I mean, maybe. Can you imagine if you were that good, maybe hair surrounding it? But even that is, you know, that's. That's multisexual, Christy. You have hair around it. What? First of all, I have no idea. I've never looked at my. We're gonna have to go. We're gonna have to. The ASCAM in bathroom six. I knew they moved it. Yeah, yeah, well, they put the new lights in, I don't think. It's kind of like the studio, by the way. We've all seen the photos. If you check your own arse, if you will. You've got to make some preparations, you guys. It's a job. You just Stevie Wonder it. You just reach back and feel. Can't you. Can your cell phone focus that closely? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's not. Isn't that the advantage of the new iPhone 16? You can get. What is it, a Mac? What's it called? A macro lens. Effort micro. Oh, I can't feel hair, though, back there. Then you don't have it. I don't hair back there. You'd feel it. Well, no, but either that or it's soft and very fair and. Oh, maybe. Maybe you have an extraordinarily feminine anus. Are we talking about this or am I dreaming? Is it the medication? Oh, we're talking about a baby. Oh, yeah. Taking calls. We've had this story before. You know, when you get engaged, sometimes things don't work out right. And what happens to the ring? A court has ruled that a jilted bride must give back her $70,000 engagement ring. Good Lord, no. Wait till you hear the story. This woman is horrible. According to court filings, Bruce Johnson and Carolyn Sento began dating in 2016. And in August of that year, Mr. Johnson proposed to Ms. Cento with a $70,000 diamond engagement ring. However, over the following months, Mr. Johnson felt Ms. Sento became increasingly critical and unsupportive when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Okay. And she would not accompany him to his cancer treatments. He then discovered messages on her phone that indicated she was cheating. I see. Mr. Johnson called off the engagement, and a lawsuit over ownership of the engagement ring ensued. The case ultimately landed before the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court, which ultimately ruled that Mr. Johnson should keep the ring, saying the engagement ring is a conditional gift and must be returned to the donor regardless of fault. Donor? This apparently has been in the court system. Not this particular case, but cases similar to this. I read a lot about it this morning for about 60 years, and the court has finally said almost all the jurisdictions now are leaning toward giving it back to the person who purchased. I see. On this case, this lady wouldn't go with him to his cancer treatment. Yeah, she sounds like. Well, it doesn't sound very fun. I don't blame her for not wanting to go. And then here, how about a little support? A little support and then. And then. Listen to this, Josh. Sickness and health, this guy finds for cell phone. And here's the message. Oh, no. This guy writes. She writes to this other man, my Bruce is going to be in Connecticut for three days. I need some play time. Oh, okay. Like tennis or something. And then he responds to her. He refers to her as cupcake. Oh, I hear nothing about sex in any of that. All I hear is pastry. Really? You think it's all. Maybe they wanted to go bowling or something. Right. I need some playtime. This guy dodged a bullet. Yeah, he did. Well, I'm hoping his cancer treatments were effective. Yes, of course. Now, my thing is, why would you ever spend $70,000 on a ring? What is that? What is the rule, Christie? Is it three months? Two months, isn't it? Oh, that. That was two months salary. Is that two? Is it three or two? Two or three? I don't remember. I thought it was two, but. No, even. But that's insane. $70,000 for not even. For the big ring. Well, how do you know how big it was? Pretty big ring. No. No. Is it the engage. Don't you get a wedding ring and an engagement? That's the small one. Wedding rings, A band. Typically just a band for a wedding. Wait a minute. Apparently, he also got her those two. This says two others. Two other rings. I'm trying to find a picture of her. There's a picture of a ring, three months salary. You're right. That's the. Yes, that's the traditional jewelry store. Yes, there is. Now, Josh, who's your favorite porn star? What was her name again? Of all time. Yeah. Oh, I'm gonna go. Gianna Michaels. Gianna Michaels. So if you had an opportunity to marry Gianna Michaels back in the day at her heyday, would you spend $70,000, remortgage your house and spend that for an engagement? No. Once again, it's going to be. There's going to be a honeymoon with Gianna. Oh, no, no, no. That's insane. 70,000 is insane. There was a story. I don't know why you guys are all acting like it's fine. No, it's not fine. It's about A seven carat ring. That's a big one. Five to seven carrots. Unless you're, you know, unless you really love her. Well, yeah, apparently you don't. I don't want to marry a woman. Okay. Receiving a $70,000 ring. I want her to going, hey, how about you give me a $10,000 ring and we put 60 towards the house? Yes, well, there are women who are like that, but there are more women, I think, who would go, absolutely, I want the $70,000 ring. Your circles. I'm not hanging around with those lunatics. I do not have a $70,000 ring. Polo Pony party. Yeah, yeah. Polo pony parties. How did this suddenly. You been to the museum opening? How did this. How did this turn on? Christy, I'm the one who had a great joke. I was gonna say, and I. I withdrew it. Mine's a vintage diamond. Didn't cost anywhere near that. I'm not saying you do. You wear the engagement ring once you get married, then as a go. Yeah, you do. But I didn't wear it today. A lot of times you. Yeah, you do. But. But again, when. If you're engaged to someone and you're going to have your cancer treatments and she goes, well, I guess you're gonna go on your own today. I'm gonna gain me. Are you kidding? No, of course. That's a. She's an awful person. And then there was the story over the weekend of the girl. Girl who broke up with her fiance like days before the wedding because she found out her ring was lab grown diamond, not a real diamond. Oh, he dodged the ball. Yeah, he called that the Mark Adams man. Oh, man. Thank you. That'll be very helpful for me. The guy that, the guy that sold him that told him it was real. Yeah. This is. No, this is why this guy knew. Yeah, this, by the way, this is why you want to deal with our friend Stephen Singer, because he's an expert in real dinosaur. That's right. By the way, Mark got what he did. He's been ripping people off for decades by his best friend. And they he'd call us to testify for Mark. Yeah, I love Mark. He knows. We all love Mark. He used my. My NFL tickets yesterday. Oh, he did, you know. Well, does that come. He came with a. Came with a booster seat. There it is. There it is now. Now he's mad. Coming up next hour, he on the Bob and Tom Show. Mike Birbiglia and Jen Cober. But up next, one of our faves, Greg Warren and the Electric Amish. It's on the way in. Just a few here on the Bob and Tom show. Welcome to AutoZone. What are you working on today? My car is making this noise. Sometimes it's like. And sometimes it's like. Do you have a dash light on? Oh, yeah. And we don't have to listen for clues. With the free fix finder service, we can read a check engine, ABS or maintenance light to find the likely fix and even recommend a local shop if you need one. So you don't need to hear the grunts. Not with fix finder. Everything you need nothing you don't get in the zone. Auto zone restrictions apply. We're rocking with the Bob and Tom show on this Monday morning. Welcome back. This is Christopher in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Greg Warren was here a while back with the Electric Amish Band. Let's check out a little bit of that here on this Memorial Day morning. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom Show. Christy Lee at the SILAC news desk. Pat Godwin in the performance room. Josh Arnold at Sidekick central. Hey, Shakester, there's Ace Cosby. Our very special guest, Bob and Tom comedy legend Greg Warren is in the studio. Oh, and I have a something to report. Hang on a second. Okay, but first, and here's Tom, the house band today, the Electric Amish. You're gonna want to see the guys, I'm telling you, the, the Electric Amish are currently being broadcast on, on YouTube. And if you're driving around right now, you can check them out later. And we're gonna get a song from the Amish in a matter of moments. You know, every now and then people say, what do you guys talk about when the commercials are playing? What do you got? You know? And I go, well, I'll, I'll give you a, a little snapshot of what just. I wasn't in the room. Life. Greg Warren came in and Greg and Christy are talking and Greg's new podcast is the Consumers and all this. And, and Christie goes, quick as anything. I got a new water bottle. Have you seen it? And just like that, it's the most amazing conversation I've ever heard. And my gosh, you do have a new water bottle. What did you think of that, Greg? What do you think of that? It's really nice. Nice. Yeah, It's a purple healthy human. Tell us a little bit about it. I think the, the, the coloring is, is, isn't that just gorgeous? Exquisite. I would call it violet or lilac, maybe. A la. Is it a metal one? Yes, of course. It's Like a Stanley, but it's stainless steel. Different brand. That's 100% hot and cold. Good for both. Yes. How about, how does it cold 24 hours? Hot 12. Well, that's. And you pointed that out to Greg when he walked in. I bet he was pretty excited to be here. Ah, man, I wish I would have gotten here. I was trying to divert the conversation where you were trying to fix him up with someone's mother. This happens in an attempt to divert. You mentioned. So the. Can you shake that and it like mixes as well. Sure. Okay. These are the kind of topics we should be talking about all morning time. Greg Warren, us great stand up comedian. His new podcast is called the Consumers and it's on the Nateland Network. Nate Bargetti's network. And what do you got? Volume three out there now? Yeah. Volume three. Yeah. And it's not what is Today. Debuts on every Tuesday. Every Tuesday. Yeah. We tackled White Castle. Oh, I hear sliders with an egg are the way to go. Have you heard that? Oh, yes. I'll tell you. Slider at an egg. And I don't know, I think I ate a ton of those things. The White Castle, the sliders. I was in high school and college. Sure. Drinking a lot as an adult. I don't know. The onions, whatever. It's. It's a little hard on your stomach. But they have what they call a 1921 burger, which is just the burger they started with. And it's just really. It's not a. The whole onion slider thing. It's just a hamburger. And it is good. Really. I have not tried it yet. And I'm glad to hear this. I'm very glad. It's really, really good. You know, they were the first fast food franchise. That is. That is true. Or I shouldn't say franchises. They do not franchise. But White Castle. White Castle doesn't franchise. I thought I read something about them franchising. So I called the number said, for franchise information, press 5, and I press 5 and it says, we do not have franchise. All right. You must get a lot of inquiries. And they do that. Greg Ward is our. Our guest. By the way. What? Did you ever notice when you call one of those things, they always say always if you've called before, our menu has changed every time I just once want to call. That is great. Hey. Hi. Everything's the same. Same menu. Hope you remember the number you wanted to punch because we're not going to tell you. I mean. Yeah. Is there somebody out there with notebooks? Our menu has Changed. Oh. What? What? I scrambled to find the right notebook. Let me see. For more information. It's always been for more information. There's some things you think you can count on. How about the ones where they go you press 1 for blah blah blah, press 2, press 8. What? What happened to 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7? Yeah, boy, I don't know. Just asking. The only constant is change. That's right. Okay, now, had a human answer the phone, you'll have be so successful. Well, these guys don't answer phones because they don't have them. It's the Electric Amish and they have joined us in the other building. If we can get the Amish hooked up again. Hey fellas. It's good to see you. You. Could we get a song from you guys? What do you feel like playing? Well, we feel like playing some other stuff, but we're going to play this one right here. Okay, good. This, I believe this is a song you guys may remember. This was one of the. One of the first things we did ages ago. And you swore we weren't on the radio. And you lied to us. And now we're going to burn in hell. But anyway, sure, but this is a song about everybody getting together, right? 1, 2, 3, 4. Churn it, churn it, churn it. Here come old Barry he comes riding up slowly he's got a big black buggy Cause them cars ain't holy. He's got a orange triangle stuck on the back. All the clothes he wears they're either white or they're black. Here come old Carl, he lives one farm over. He's got big grain silo Keeps it fully loaded. He's got no radio and no tv the only news he gets is from the Bible. Un me. Come together right now. Un build a barn, Churn it, churn it. Here come old graver he comes driving his ponies. He's got three fine daughters but they're not good looking. He says 1ud1ud1 makes three. Ah, I wish I had a son to work the fields. Meet me. Come together right now Un build a barn. Churn. Churn it, churn it. Hey Carl. Yeah, Graver? Do you know how to drive a Mennonite crazy? I know. Graver. How will you drive the Mennonites crazy? You put them into a round barn until you to go pee in the corner. That's funny. Although the two of you are cracking me up. You will surely burn in hell. Uhoh. Better be quiet. I think I see the parson. Oh yeah. Everybody pray with us. Right now Won't you come together Right now Build a barn. Yes, sir. Once again, ladies and gentlemen, the Electric Amish. Now, is this something new you've got back there? Grand. Kramer? It's pretty darn new, Tom. We wrote this song yesterday. Yeah, we were. We were riding in and, you know. Yeah, we got a new song. The last new song we had, I think, was in 2001, so this one's even newer. That's like Boston's third stage. Well, Tom broke his hand. Scholes broke his hand. The whole thing went to. Oh, sorry. These things take time. Gary. Gary. There. This is not like your stuff where you just go out and say some stuff and put it out there. Yeah. I can't believe you got more goes into it. Graber album about corn and you didn't call us. Yeah, that's true. She probably stole that idea from us. We got a lot of songs about corn. This one is not about corn. This is about. Well, about you guys. Oh, my God. Hell, that's where you're going. Hell, Brimstone is glowing. Hell, you know you're gonna burn in hell. When God was younger so much younger than today. Everything was plain and simple. That's the holy way. But Edison came along in 19th century. The switch said Son of a bitch, it's electricity. Hell's your new address. You're going down. And the only livestock will be your hell house. Hell's way more than six feet underground. Won't you please pray with me now? It's not too late to change your heathen way. Think you better hurry though. Cause this feels like back in the days. But we got what just what you need what you need. God wrote a book. You should take a look. Hope you guys can read. Hell is where you're going, there's no doubt. And I bet that you wish you'd been more divine. Hell, if I know how to help you out Won't you please pray with me? With me, pray with me Pray with me. The Electric Amish. Totally original, brand new song. Good. That is. That is so nice. Thank you, fellas. Thank you, guys. I don't. You can't even tell that. We just learned it yesterday. It was so delightful. Hey, can you stick around for a few minutes? We have some more stuff we'd like to do with you. We'll get you some babies. Do you guys drink coffee? Can you have. Are you like, Mormons? Can you. You have. Well, we can have coffee, but. Century you think this is? You get up at 3am and don't have no coffee. Do they have Starbucks in Salt Lake City? Probably they do, but it's at the. In Provo. Yeah, I don't think so. It is not easy to get like down because I did a show down there one time and I just forgot and I was like, hey, I gotta get some, I gotta get some. Do they have Duncan? I don't think so, man. I mean, mean, there you can get it. But I had to go to like a Mexican restaurant and get an iced tea to get caffeine. Whoa. In Provo. Salt Lake, you know, is a big city. How about, how about reefer? I don't know. They have some coffee shops, but you have to go to like a mom and mom and mom and mom and pops. See, it was worth the wait. Okay, very good. We'll get back. We have lots more of the best of the Bob and Tom show on this Monday morning. Comedian Jen Cobur is coming up next. You don't want to miss, miss that. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Memorial Day door buster deals are here at Lowe's right now. Rewards members save $80 on the Master Forge four burner gas grill. Now just one 49 plus. Rewards members save $900 on the Lowe's exclusive hisense French door refrigerator. Refrigerator now only 9.99. Lowes we help you save. Valid through 526. Selection varies by location while supplies last. See lowe's.com for more details. Program subject to terms and conditions. Details@lowes.com Terms subject to change. From the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios, this is Christopher the best of the Bob and Tom show here for a Memorial Day Monday. How about a little bit from comedian Jen Coburg? Hello, Tom. We got a big show today. Big super fun. Yeah. Greg Warren, Reno College comedian Jen Coburg. Jen has a new project out there. It's a video on YouTube called no Flies on Me. Jen is a very fine stand up comedian and she's also gonna be part of Cirque du Soleil. Now she. I don't know how to delicately put this. She will not be an acrobat. Yes. You will not be doing any acrobatics. I come out right after the girl that swings from her hair. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, yeah, I won't be doing that. Well, your hair is very short. It is. My hair is very short. Sure. But this is the worst part. My wife's hair is very long. I don't know if you've ever lived with a long haired lady. I do right now. Oh, yeah. I blew my nose the other day and one of her hairs came out. What is happening? Constantly molting me, right? And if you got to be careful where you put your nose. But if you live with a woman that has long hair, you know that in your shower drain there lives an animal. I got in the shower the other morning, I was like, babe, do I need to this thing or feed it? What are we doing? I feel like we should name it. Put it up for adoption. It's a lot. Because all I have ever wanted. All I have ever wanted. Tom, is a hypoallergenic lesbian. Right? Don't they make like a lesbadoodle? Is there a lesbadoodle? Let's make that happen. Yeah. It's the former owner of a couple of Labradoodles. I'm fully aware of that. I feel like this is the answer. We just need. Let me ask you. In all trouble, truth, Whenever I see one of those hairballs, historically, I always take a Kleenex and pick it up. Oh, I'm. I'm at my dad. I call her. Oh, you don't bareback it. She does a thing now where she takes the hair and she swirls it on the tile. I'm like, what are you doing? She goes, I don't want it to go down the drain. Yes. So the answer is to put it on the wall. One of my girlfriends would put it on the wall, too. That is. So I thought for the longest time that we had pattern. A pattern. We just bought this house. I thought we had patterned tile in the bathroom. And I realized, no, this is just her swirling her hair. Christy, do you. Would you pick it up with your fingers or would you get a Kleenex? No, I get a Kleenex. Or actually, I even use scissors. You know, take it and. Yeah. Hey, Josh, what would you put on the wall when you were in the shower? Temporarily? It would be DNA. Okay. Fairly not. Well, no, I. You answered for me. Sorry. Now, we're going to get back to Jen in just a second, but you are on your way to Las Vegas. I am. And what is the name of this particular Cirque du Soleil show? It's called Mad Apple. It's playing at the New York New York Casino and Resort. It has been. I think it's been. I think they just had their one year anniversary. It's a great show. Such high energy. It's really, really fun. It's a little dirty. It's a little dirtier than the other Cirque du Soleil shows. Because it's set on the streets of New York, you know, I was reluctantly taken to Cirque du Soleil a few years back. I've since been two more times. I love. I couldn't believe how great it was. It's beautiful, like, to work in an ensemble with. You know, when you're a comedian, you perform with other comedians, and usually it's just me and openers. Like, it's not like I'm around a bunch of headliners, you know? But this. This is. It's incredible to be in a cast of people that are that talented. There's a guy in the show who throws this little skinny woman up in the air. He throws her in the air, and he catches her, and that's his shtick. And then he puts on a blindfold and throws her in the air and still catches her. And then they, like, put him backwards and upside down, and then he throws her in there. And every time I see this guy backstage, I want to make him laugh because I'm a comedian. That's in my nature. But I am scared to make him laugh because I don't want to throw him off balance. And he drops this little skinny bitch. I'm scared to draw his focus. Like, every time I see him, I just stone face it. I'm just like, no, I can't. Don't make. Don't make Yuri laugh. Don't do it. Does the woman have any particular skill set other than being. Other than being the smallest woman that I've ever seen? No. I mean, I'm sure she does. She's graceful. She points her toes and is, you know, is fairy, like, and such much more dainty than I. But, I mean, it's unbelievable that. That she lets him do this to her. I mean, right? And then that he. Because, you know, he's dropped her. Yeah. That's what I'm saying is, like, everybody has a bad day at work. Everybody has a day where you're phoning it in. You're just like. Like, it'll be my former partner. She's the one coming up the ramp. Mouth in a tube. That bad. Mouth in a tube. Let's take a. A quick. Quick check in here with Patty G. In the other room. Can you hear me okay, Pat? I can indeed. Yeah. Okay. Can you. Can. Can you hear Michael? When. Michael, can you give Pat a little bit of a. A thing on the. Your. On your violin over there? Your fiddle, I should say. Ah. It's like the. Went down to George. Wow. Is that. That's the 22nd version of Charlie Daniels. That's amazing. Keep practicing, Michael. You'll get it next time. Unbelievable. Pat. What do you guys want to do? You want to hear gangsta folk are stuck in a car? Those are pretty. I'll do gangsta folk. Okay, here we go. We're in E. Michael. All right, all right. You take the gangster rap, you tone it down, put it to his folk melody so everybody can enjoy the message of gangsta. It's called gangsta folk. There you go. I'm Patty G. And it's all good, it's all good. I'll pop cap in your ass if you're in my neighborhood Nice neighborhood ain't all that my brother would say about my mother I'm the bomb this ain't no joke it's gangster folk oh, yeah. Yo, dog, check it out. My hooches flies don't diss my boo what's a boo? Or you'll end up like, you know Tupac Bench who Shout out to all my GS, what's up, peeps? Cracker please, I'm dope so take a talking gangster folk it's gangster folk we'll be chilling out puffing on the chronic till we all folked out Holes in the hot tub 24 something, homie ain't no lie, nasty hoes Crime is fat cock my Glock, biatch Who dad first? Doesn't my dog keep on playing? I have no idea what I'm saying. I'm saying no joke, it's gangster folk One time, Michael. Oh, I'm the bomber say no joke is gangster. Peace out, Michael. Cleveland. Very good, Michael. You nailed it. True that. Now you said, who dat? That's very Louisiana. That's very. Who dad. Who dad. Yes. True dad. Who that? True dad. Do. Do you follow the world of hip hop? I mean, as much as. Is there a. Is there a white lesbian Lesbian from the South? Is there. Is there a genre. Is there a genre of lesbian hip hop? I mean, I'm sure there are some lesbian hip hop artists. A genre of lesbian hip hop. There's a. There's a. Oh, what are they called? Something. And she. I'd have to look it up. But yeah, there is. There's a little lesbian duo. And they sound like the Indigo Sisters. Yes. I think we've nailed it. Now you MC Ethridge. Very nice. Bravo. I thought. They're both very funny. Thank you very much. Are you a cook? I am. I mean, because Louisiana. I always think of Justin. Remember that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gary D. Justin Wilson. Justin. Justin Wilson. Justin Wilman's the great magician. And by the way, he's got a naked thing on his website up on Instagram. It's so funny. His clothes have disappeared now. Justin Wilson. But what's. What was his tagline? I guarantee. Such a cutie. Such a cutie. I do cook, but my wife is a baker, so. Nice. Oh, that's real good, y' all. Hot sex and there's cake. But here's the thing, y' all. When she's had a bad day at work, I'm like, you know, what could it have? What did you. She's like, all I did all day. I just made icing all day. I'm like, that sounds awful, right? I'm starting to call her my little frostitute. I'm just kidding. I don't pay for it. She's just a tart. Oh, yeah. Boom. Now, I don't want to get. I, I, I don't want to violate your, Your, the, The, the borders. Violate her borders. I don't want to intrude on. On the, the deeper aspects of your personal sexual encounters. Yes. I, for one, do not approve of food in the bedroom at all, anywhere. And I hate room service at hotels I can't stand. I don. Tom. No. So this is my question. I don't want to. Again, you don't have to go into any personal details, but does she ever bring the frosting into the bedroom or. We have not done frosting in the bedroom. I don't know if you know about lady parts, but sugar is not very good for them. Oh, no kidding. You're risking some infection there. Maybe a little. Some things you don't want to. Want to go down. So. Sugar. Not great for that. But, But I do. Hey, don't you mean go down on some things you don't want to go down? I do. I enjoy a little Cool Whip on a nipple every now and then, but other than that. That should be the title of your next special. Cool Whip on the nipple. You have a little trademark sign after cool whipple on a nipple. That way you can get around the cool or just cool nip. Yeah, that's a good one, too. I like how you guys are editing for. Yeah, no, I don't. I don't. I don't like food in, in any. Yeah, I mean, we know. Do you like room service? I love rooms. Well, here's the problem. I do have a problem with room service. And my problem with. Is that there's never a surface in the room on which to eat the room service they have to some I make them leave the tray they rolled it in on. But sometimes they don't want to do that. They just want to give you the food and you have to eat it at that like weird desk. Yes, exactly. I don't like that part of it. But anytime you're bringing food to me especially, I love those little dome covers. Aren't those fun? Oh my God. It's so. It's like, ta da. It's usually just a burger and fries when I get room service, but it's very exciting. The reveal. Have you ever, ever walked down a hotel hallway and seen some fry sitting there that have been and had one? This happens to me in Vegas all the time. There's people will leave like their whatever they didn't eat from roof service right outside of their room. And look, there have been some nights when you're coming back, maybe you've had a couple of cocktails at a, at a roulette table and you're. You're thinking, those fries don't look like they've been touched. Right. And, and you, you're tempted. Tempted. It's very tempting, but I can honestly say I have never eaten it. I did it once. I was drunk and it was a dinner roll. It was sitting there and it looked perfect. I did once see a pizza box outside of someone's room and I, I didn't eat the pizza, but I looked in to see if there was pizza. It was just an empty box. Thank God, because I think I would have taken a slice of pizza. Now look, I have a question for Michael Cleveland. Michael, this is a non musical question, all right? And we've established a couple things. You're a brilliant musician and you're blind. Those are the big two, right? Were you aware of those things? I was not. Everyone is bothering the eat out with. I don't like looking at menus. I have to read all the time. I don't want to go. It's too much work. When you go to a restaurant in as much as you can't read the menu, presumably they don't have it in braille. Well, they might have it in braille. Yeah, sometimes they do. But man, man, I'm so slow at reading braille these days. Oh, I mean it take if one time I tried to actually read a braille menu. It took me about an hour. I was like, no, this ain't happening. Somebody read it to you. So do you ask your, your band mates or are they gonna. Yeah, I got these Glasses, you know, they're. They're supposed to be able to do that. These new AI Ray Bans, they can. They can read. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You. It takes a picture of it and then what is it? And then it just tells you what it says. Yeah, it tells you the items on the menu. Oh, wow, that's amazing. I was hoping your bandmates would screw. Screw up with you. Oh, they. Well, they do. Well, I'm sorry. All they. All they have is vegan stuff. Oh, they have fish head sandwiches. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, that's exciting. It's their specialty. Only rice now. How do you know what's left on your plate? Oh, my God. Well, you got a fork and a spoon, so you go by touch. Yeah. Do you ever miss your mouth? Well, yeah. Isn't that what Seinfeld said? He always. The worst thing about being blind was the bugs in your food. Yes. You wouldn't know, right? Crunch, crunch. Oh, my God. Was that a raisin? Next question. How do you know when you're done? Why? Wiping your butt. And the answer is. Jen and I were having a fashion discussion in the green room. Oh, here we go. Can I guess what it was about? Go ahead, sure. Her hat. No. Is that right? No, it was not. No. Though my hat says flies on me. No flies on me. It's for my special. No, but it's a. It's a skew. It's a. It's got a little flavor. It's often it is to be askew. It's kind of canted, if you will, Which. Which lends itself to a rather unfortunate joke that I. Michael, will probably tell it. No, we were discussing shoes with your. Your sphere of knowledge. Oh, I like shoes. Sneakers. Yeah, sneakers. Because I was. Over the weekend, I was getting one of my girls a pair of shoes and we went on the store and they had the. The ocs. Do you get. Get her a pair of On. On clowns? No, she ended up getting another type that she liked more. But they have the. The hokas. Hokas, yes. And it looks like you're walking on a mattress. I did not care. But you said this is a big thing in the lesbian community. Let me tell you something. I travel a lot with lesbians. I do a lot of trips with these lesbians. Oh, yeah, Tell us about that. Two kinds. Hey, Josh, There are Hoka lesbians and there are OC lesbians. And they fight like in west side Story, the Sharks and the Jets. It's like, whose shoes are better? And they argue. I have watched two grown women Argue over whose shoes were better. They'd probably be. That video might sell. I got some hokas and I really like them. Yeah, super low impact. They're great. Never wear a mirror when I walk in them if I were going to walk afterwards. Yeah. Is it. Is it weird they seem like the. The sole is so thick, you know, it doesn't. Weird. They don't look that thick on the ones I got, at least. And then they. They know, they feel really good. Tom's wearing slip on shoes today. Have you seen them? Oh, no, no, but I think it's fine. The slip on ocs? Yeah. They're kind of like loafers. Yeah. Oh, okay. I could get them on quick. That's the beauty of it. Right now we're going to switch gears. I think we have the satellite hookup. There he is. Look at that handsome man. Good morning, my friend. Are you wearing. Are you wearing us slippers right now or do you have shoes on? Because you're home at your house. I don't have any shoes on or socks or pants. Now what, what, what. What room are you in at your house? Really, Tom? The bathroom. Will you stop? He's. He's in the funeral viewing area. I'm in the funeral viewing. No, because I'm wondering if I get you one of those lamps like in Christmas Story, would you put it there? 100%. And I would leave it there and it fit perfectly right in front of the window. And it would give my wife an aneurysm, but I would do it in a heartbeat. Okay. Because they can. They. Those, you know. Oh, I know. They're very fragile. They're lovely. Now you're a Southern guy. You're a southern guy. We have a. What's a Louisiana person called Cajun? Oh, you're. Are you. Are you Cajun? No, but I just consider myself a hick. I'm just backwoods a little bit, you know. Do you say you all in a regular basis? Reno, y' all made you say. Is that part of your common speech pattern? Of course it is. Yeah, I think so. You can't help it. Like, it just kind of. Well, it's nice. I think it's charming. It's also gender neutral, so it's very aggressive. Well, and that's progressive. That's. That's why. Have you ever heard that joke why rednecks don't go to Ivy League school? Because when someone goes, where do you go to school? And they go Yale and they go, where do you go to school? I love that. I love that great one. So what, what pronouns y' all like to use? That work? Does that work? Sort of, yes. Is that working? Okay, good. If Hicks cared about such things as pronouns, that would be lovely. Of course. She's a woman. She's my sis. Thank you. Thank you very much. My mother said to me at Christmas, she goes, there is no way every member of that Siberian orchestra is trans. Coming up on this Best of the Bob and Tom Show Monday morning, comedians Mike Birbiglia and Gary Simons. You'll hear that in just a few minutes here on the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom, the new McCrispy strip is here. Dip approved by ketchup, tangy barbecue, honey mustard. Honey mustard, Sprite, McFlurry, Big Mac sauce, double dipped in buffalo and ranch, more ranch and creamy chili. McCrispy strip dip now at McDonald's. Hope you're having a good Monday morning. This is Christopher in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. And this is the Best of the Bob and Tom Show. Boy, Mike Birbiglia has really made it big. He loves to come in, spend some time with us. He did recently with comedian Gary Simons. Let's check it out in the studio. We have comedian Mike Birbiglia and his associate, comedian Gary Simons has joined us. No one's ever called him my associate. I try to make everything sound more elegant than it is, especially myself. Now, I just heard a little something. You guys both went to the same university, but not at the same time. Yeah, George. And you have Georgetown University. The great Georgetown University. And. But you have something in common, which is what, Gary? We won. Both of us, at different times, won the funniest human on campus competition. Stand up competition on campus. Now, did you know that when you met him? Yeah. So I. He won it 26 years after me. Oh, okay. Which is a long time if you think about it. It's a quarter of a century. It's a quarter of a century. A quarter of a century ago, I won the Funniest Person on Campus contest. Yeah. Do you remember your routine? If you will, do you remember the exact. I remember a little bit of the routine. I remember my first joke was I was like, I'm from a. I'm from. From South Windsor, Connecticut. You might have heard of it. They made a documentary about where I'm from. It's called get out, which I think is a pretty accurate depiction of my life in Connecticut. But I also remember when I won that competition. So when Mike won it, I think the prize was like, you could Open at the DC Improv. And when I won it, the prize were tickets to his show. So it went down. It would change a lot also, by the way. So that's how we. We met. So he messaged me on Instagram and was like, hey, I won this competition. And I was like, oh, that's great. And then, like, he started opening for me on the tour, and then I found out that he had won the competition on Zoom. And I was like, that shouldn't count. I didn't have to perform in front of human beings. I had to be really awful. Yeah, I mean, it was. It was. I was in my. I was in my dorm room. I remember I won. And then I closed my laptop, and I was by myself in the room being like, I guess I'm the funniest person. Boy, that's. That's some confidence I can only dream of. Microwave a celebratory Hot Pocket in. It's party time. Popcorn. I'm celebrating now. Now. You know Mike pretty well, probably. Do you know his story about hooking up with Gaffigan for the first time? I. I know a little bit about Mike. L. I like the way you phrase that. Sounds like they dated. No, sorry. Jim's a fun kisser. Because Jim. Jim Gaffigan also attended Georgetown, and very. As I recall, you kind of scammed your way into meeting him. I did, yeah. No, I. I. It was a very similar approach, which is I went to the Alumni House at Georgetown, and I looked. I mean, I looked up comedian and at Georgetown, and there was one effort, because I wanted to be a comedian. I looked up who. Who has been a comedian as a job, and it was Jim Gaffigan, I think, says his phone number. This is the late 90s landline. So I just call his landline. He's like, hello. Hey, it's Mike Birbiglia. I'm at Georgetown. And, you know, if I, you know, I'd love to talk to you about being a comedian. I really want to do it. And. And he goes, well, if you're ever in New York, just let me know and I'll have lunch with you. And then, you know, a couple weeks later, I just took a bus to New York, and I was like, hey, I'm in New York. And so I showed up. You know, we met up at Patsy's Pizzeria on the Upper west side, and he was. He was, like, a couple hours late. He always said he was late. He was very late. But. But also, he's a. He's a busy guy. Yeah. And it was also really generous thing of him to do. And I had, of course, nowhere to go. I had been. I was there to meet him and then he shows up and he gave me some of the best advice I've ever received to this day. He goes, before he's like, before you move to New York, make sure you're good, because when people see you for the first time, that's how they'll judge you forever. And so I. So I didn't do that. I thought I had. I was like, yeah, I'm good. And then I get New York. I'm like, no, I'm actually not that good. But he was right. I mean, I think that that's a really good piece of advice in general, in life. Which is, which is knowing that first impressions are pretty major when you're. When you meet someone, they sticks with them. Didn't he also tell you something about your name? Yeah, he goes, you gotta change that name. He said, you got to change it to Bedegolia. So did you ever get any bad advice? GARY YOUNG COMEDIAN yeah. From Mike? Yeah, from anybody. Or good advice? Tom. Okay, sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. Bad advice? Yeah, I mean, good advice from Mike. I mean, he told me after one show, he was like, every show is a rehearsal for the next show. Which, like, really helped me just like, oh, okay, break down this process, which has been really good. I think bad piece of advice is I. I used to have this joke where it was about TLC no Scrubs, and how, like, I've hit the point where I'm to supposed so broke that I get defensive when I hear TLC's no Scrubs. Like, like, I'm not sure if you're familiar with the song, but, like, if you're broke, they don't like us. And like, apparently if I sit on the passenger side of my best friend's ride, I'm. I don't deserve love. Yeah, buddy. What's the issue? Yeah, what's the issue? And I was like, but don't you know that, like, the passenger side is the safest side of the vehicle? And then, and then, and then someone was like, you know, you could like, like, I don't know if that's like, like factually accurate. And I was like, well, it's connecting to people. And like, I think it's all about connecting to the people, like. And what was my advice? What was your advice? Well, you didn't give me that advice. Someone gave advice, but someone gave you. I forget who bad advice about it. I Think my. My issue with it is, do people remember the song? Yeah, yeah. It's like, do people even remember? We just. We just talked about no Scrubs they were teaching me about. Because you had never heard it. Yeah. Referencing things no one has ever heard of is kind of my specialty. That was one of the top karaoke songs, too, when I was. Really? Yeah, yeah. Do you guys ever do karaoke either? You guys, I've done it once to. To vary. If you go, do you have a tune that you like to do? I've done it once, and I think I did. I think it was like, Funky Town. Oh, that's a good one. Which is outside of my octave, so I'm not good at it. The band Lips take me to Funky Town. Yeah. When I was. When I was a bab dj, we had to play that a lot. Lip sync. Oh, I. Hey, listen, is there, like a nine minute version? Yeah. It's ridiculous. Well, you can't get enough Funky Town there. Well, I think you can. Yeah. I think it's about six minutes, maybe. And the lyrics are the same over and over and over. You want to get there, don't you? So are you gonna do the song or not? I'm going to play the song for him right now. Oh, here we go. My anthem. Yeah, it's real head. Yeah, it kind of starts out as a ballad. Yeah. Oh, this is classic. Gary thinks he's fine. So, Gary, now are you a single man on the move? What's happening, girl? No, I actually. I'm in a relationship. I've had a year. Relationship town. Okay, that's. That's Funky Town. Well, Tamir, elevator music. I hear that in my head all the time. So are you a single guy? I didn't hear. What was your answer? I was. I'm. I have a girlfriend together for, like, three years, which is great. We're in love. It's nice. We. That said, I'm on the road a lot with Mike, so. You cheat is what you're saying. Oh, Jesus. Well, so much for playing this interview for. All right. No, YouTube doesn't work anymore. I can't. And I broke the rope. I broke the radio. Anyway, no, no, no. Things are good with my girlfriend. We. But that said, when I'm on the road, it's tough because, like, we're. I have to do things that makes feel closer together. So, like, sometimes we'll be, like, FaceTiming, and one time we were FaceTiming, I was like, oh, how about we, like, play a game where we both say something that we notice about the other person that we don't think they realize. Oh, Lord. Yeah. And I was, I was gonna say something like, oh, you don't realize that, like, your laughter really brightens up a room. But she went first and she was like, oh, well, you know, sometimes when you drink water, you open your eyes so wide and start to drink like you've never had water before. And I was like, time out, time out, time out, time out, time out, time out. I don't want to play no more because I'm playing to, like, bring us, like, closer together. And you're clearly playing to win, right? Like, like you just said something real. And now I don't know how to drink water anymore. We're coming right back on this Monday morning with some ghosts and Shane Martin. But next, comedian Nick Novicki here on the Bob and Tom Show. Custom window treatments are a small upgrade that have a big impact. No better time to shop than now@blinds.com's Memorial Day mega sale. Blinds.com invented a better way to shop for window treatments. Completely online with upfront pricing, no showroom markups, no salespeople in your home. Choose from classic shutters to outdoor shades and more, all backed by our 100% satisfaction guarantee. Shoplines.com's Memorial Day mega sale now save up to 50% sitewide plus a free measure. Rules and restrictions may apply. Welcome back. This is the Bob and Tom show for a Monday. This is Christopher here in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Here's a segment with comedian Nick Novicki. We have news to get to, but we also have a guest in the studio. He is Nick. No, Vicki. Actor, comedian. Relax everywhere. I've been back and forth to the green room 10 times. Okay. Because of the lasagna? No, I kept forgetting stuff. I got, I finally got it all together. Everything's going great. Nick, how are you? I think so. Wouldn't you? I'm doing good. Thanks for having me back. You're welcome. Thanks for coming in. Yeah. Well, if we remembered who you were, you wouldn't have had you back. He's busting, he's pleasant, he's fine. Are you involved in a personal relationship at this point in your life? Yes, I am. Married. Yeah, I have. Remember married. Been married nine years. I got a three year old and another one on the way. Congratulations. Well, you've been doing the devil's business. That's going to be weird when she gives birth to a three year old. That might hurt. Yeah, it's crazy. My daughter is growing Up a lot, you know? And the interesting thing is she. We actually don't know if she's little. Okay. Because my kind of dwarfism doesn't show up right away. So we have no idea. My favorite thing to do is late at night, I like just sneaking in the room and just looking at her, going up to her and just being like, what are you? And then just walking away. But we. We are at a point, though, where she is old enough, so I did want to have a serious conversation with her. I was like. Like, you know, your dad does little and your mom has little, and you may be little. And she just looks me right in the eyes and she goes, and that's okay. And I was touched, you know, but before I could say anything, she was like, and I want a Barbie. I was like, that was a good time to ask for that. This is. That's really interesting. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. What's her name, by the way? My daughter's name is Marley. Oh, that's nice. So, yeah, my parents didn't know till I was four that I was a little person. Okay. Isn't that interesting? Yeah, it is. That is interesting. And there's no, like, test they can give her or anything? Nah. I mean, you could do a test, but it's like a whole, you know, we're like, what's the difference, right? You're gonna end up small. You're small. No reason to go through all that. We're in that. And I, you know, I actually know a ton of little people, too. I argue that I know every little person in the world. And I made that argument to somebody I was in New York, and they're like, no, you don't. I was like, I do. And I swear, the timing was just perfect. A little person walks up and goes, hey, Nick, you see? You see, we had another comedian in here who was also small of stature. And I remembered asking this question because a lot of the clothing made for little kids is so colorful. Colorful and clown, like. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. So is there a place where one who is an adult, such as yourself, but happens to be very small of stature, can buy what would normal. I don't know what the word I want. You know what I'm saying? Well, we get. I mean, I. I take it. I love that kids clothes fit, you know, because you end up in cool outfits, you know, for. You're always in fashion. I'm always in fashion. Price. And I still, you know, I get stuff. It's awesome, too, as an actor. Because I get stuff. They have to customize it for me. So if I'm in a TV show or a movie, I was on the Sopranos, and I play a nightclub manager on the Sopranos, So they gave me an Armani suit, and after I was like, you're not gonna use this again. Let me get that. Let me get that. They let you keep it? And they let me keep it. Oh, that's awesome. Wow. That's a good point. Yeah, I know, man. My sister, every once in a while, she'll do a gig, and she's a model, and she'll get to keep the stuff. So that makes sense, I guess. But especially in your case. So do you whip out the Armani suit every now and then? Yeah. And the. The funny thing with that, too, is I say that anytime I do something. And Sopranos. I mean, I was 22 when I. When I did that. I was in season six, and I just. I mentioned it, and I was like, hey, can I get the. Can I get this? No one's going to use it again. You literally have customized that. You cut the sleeves off all this stuff. And they go, well, we can, you know, just give us your name and number. And there was a year hiatus, and then the last season. So I get a call three years later, somebody goes, are you Nick Novicki? I was like, yeah. And I thought it was just like, a scammer. And they're like, I'm from the wardrobe department of the Sopranos. Where can we send you this? And they sent me Armani suit and all this stuff. How cool is that? That is cool. Wow. But again, if you. You don't want to be wearing Granimals, obviously. Yeah. I'm just saying there's a lot of colorful. There is a lot of colorful kind of crazy stuff. So you have to find the right. You know, the right things. And luckily, I'm married, so she is much better at finding stuff, because separate to being a little person, I also just am a regular dude with bad taste. Right. I wish Kelly were here to hear that. She would like that. So that's. That so much. Is. Is there a store. Is there an online store devoted to folks of your small stature? There's a little bit, but we're a small market, so, you know, that is, like, a legitimate thing, though. I mean, there isn't enough of us, so there are some designers that will kind of specialize a little bit. But for me, luckily, I could just shop kids stores. Okay. You know, and just find cool stuff that's hopefully not too colorful. Oh, cool. We're hanging out with a comedian, Nick Novicki. We have to check in with Christy Lee. And singer Dua Lipa is in the news. She's going viral on social media. Oh, Tom, your girl love Dua Lipa. A video posted to the artist TikTok site shows Dua Lipa showcasing an unusual concoction of diet coke over ice mixed with pickle juice and the juice from pickled jalapenos that is then garnished with pieces of jalapeno and pickle. The video also captures the reactions of her friends as they try these sweet and savory drinks. Like it spicy. Is it for the flavor or the electricity? Electrolytes? Probably both. I don't know. Gordon Ramsay tests the drink in a video and after taking a sip, immediately spits it back out and shouts, dua Lipa. For God's sake, girl, you'll ruin your vocal cords. What's in it again? It's pickle juice, Diet coke, and some jalapeno juice as well. Wow. She'll burn her lip is what. She'll burn her lips. She'll burn her lips. You know, just. Just for clarification, what. What. What accent are you doing over there? Like an Italian? We're going to say Italian. I don't know. I'm levitating. I don't think dip is Italian. Is she? No. English. Oh, she is. Yeah, she's English. Okay. Oh, she. She's great. I love. She's got great teeth too. They more than want just that song. That's. But that's the one I like. Your daughter. Still like her. Your daughter's still a fan. Oh, and they see if that. They'll. They always. Dad, it's Dua Lipa. Oh, wow. That's one of the ones that I. That I. She likes. She also shared an intriguing mix of vanilla ice cream, olive oil, and a dash of sea salt. I've saw. I've seen this on Tick Tock. People become a popular taste test globally. Yeah. Olive oil ice cream has become quite big. Real good. Oh, really? Yeah, it's great. My brother. My brother makes it. What is it? I. You lost me. Olive oil ice cream. Yeah. Vanilla ice cream, olive oil and a dash of sea. Oh, so you take regular vanilla ice cream, put a little olive oil on it and salt. Not always. That's what Dua Lipa likes. That's what Dua Lipa likes. And. And it took off on Tick Tock. Yeah, well, because there is that one ice cream that sold something That I thought. Caramel, sea salt. Yeah, that one. See, I'm lactose intolerant, so I love this. I'm like, bring on the olive oil. I don't know. Is that why you have it, Pat? For vegan reasons? Yeah. I really enjoy it. I've always liked it, though. Oh, okay. He made it, like, 10 years ago. Interesting. So you're lactose intolerant. Yeah. Any other things we need to know about? Yeah, I got bad vision. I mean, I'm. I have add. I mean, look, how long do we have here? You have bad vision. You're not wearing glasses. Yeah, no, my vision is terrible. It's so bad that literally after shows, because, you know, I'm doing these arenas with Nate Bargazi, so there's all these fancy people coming out. And, you know, we heard that LeBron was in the audience, so I was so excited, and I was like, I want to meet him. I went up and I thought I saw him. I went up and I was like, wait, that is my wife. A white little person. That's bad vision. I gotta get eyes. That could be the worst vision. Yeah, but you don't wear glasses. You have contacts. No. Well, I've been on the journey. I went to the eye doctor, and I go in there, and they're like, can you read the first line? I was like, yes. They were like, read the first line. I was like, I could read it. She's like, read it now. I was like, I can't. So she's like, look, I think, don't worry. You have a cornea problem, and this can be fixed. You could get a cornea transplant. I was like, that sounds dangerous. Like, you know, are you sure? And they're like, you can't worry about that. I was like, well, what should I worry about? So you can. Can you see me right now? I can see, but I, like. I have to kind of, like, squint around. So, like, reading, like. I presented at the Golden Globes, and it was. It was a year that didn't air. So it was a flex. But not that, you know, it was. No, because I. I presented because they support the Golden Globes foundation, supports the Easter Sales Disability Film Challenge. So I got to present. But I told them before. I'm like, hey, I got bad vision. And they're like, don't worry about it. For the Teleprompter. And I show up and I can't see anything. And I'm like, you know, so they. They had to give me what they called the Betty White Font. Oh, so they had font for a 98 year old woman that I read. I was like, I think I need to go to the eye doctor. Wow, that's amazing. We're speaking with the actor Nick Novicki. Have you always been an nic? Yes. You're not an N I, C, K. You see, there's no K. And Nicholas. Ah, okay. That was my argument as I was a kid. I was lazy. I didn't want to spell that extra letter as a kid. And I argued that there is no K in Nicholas. He's right. Now help me with this. People that are named Nikki that are N I K, I, I guess, yeah, you've seen that. Usually Nicole, that's a, that's a girl again. I never wanted to get called Nikki because it's Nikki. No, Vicky. You know, hey, Nikki. No Vicky. I grew up on the east coast. Yeah. Did you get a lot when you were growing up? Were your fellow students mean to you? No, because I always made friends with the biggest and the toughest kids. So right away it was like, hey, Jimmy, you may want to go talk to Tommy over there, you know, But I never got picked on. I'm kind of the way I am. I've always been the way I am. Life is good. Yeah. Yeah. Good. You got great hair. He does have great hair. You know, it's funny, both of my brothers are now bald and I feel like as a little person I deserve to. This hair. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Are your brothers normal size? Yeah, both of my brothers are tall, so they don't have hair. Yeah. Is it politically correct to say normal? Well, I mean, average height, Normal, whatever. I mean, I think it's intention for me. It's like, you know, we bring up anything. I think sometimes it gets crazier when we try to avoid things in a certain way. Right. You know? Right. Like that experience I was talking about in England with this, you know, where this kid's yellow, yelling. The second part of that is the, the mom, you know, was just like, you know, because. Because the kid was like, mom, I'm scared of him. And she's like, I know. I was like, what kind of Harry Potter lesson is going on right next to me now? I guess this wouldn't apply now because we were kind of talking about this off the air, but most of the auditions now, in your business of an actor, they're done with video. Yeah. Self tapes. But there was a time when you would go to a place and there'd be 40 guys kind of look like you. Presumably if they're if they're casting for that particular size. So are there like 10 guys, you know, that you compete with all the time for gigs? Yeah, the little people. I have so many friends that are great little people actors. And it's a community. We get together. But, you know, since COVID every actor, whether you're little, you're small, it doesn't matter. It's all self. But I had the most magical experiences on these auditions where there would be 40, 50 little people. I remember one time it was a commercial and it was like a western themed commercial. And so, you know, commercials, people go all out. You know, they're dressed up in the part. People are dressed in western outfits. And there's one little person, he showed up like a leprechaun. And we look at him and he looks at everybody else. He goes, I think my. I got the wrong sides. We're coming right back. Standby Shane Moss is coming up next. He has that mountain man look. You'll find out about that in just a minute here on the Bob and Tom show. Classic rock station Bob and Tom show. Hey, guys, we just landed in Kenny Tarmac. Atl. I just got in from TPA through mco. Whoa. Oh. Just trying to hit the Starbucks before I head to the gate. I'm at B19. I have to go all the way to Bravo 54 in less than 20 minutes. Good Lord. A lifetime in my world. I' back. I know, I know. I had to call you guys today because. Hey, tarmac. Oh, crap. Bob and Tom. It's that same guy. Oh, no. Oh. A huge client of ours and I'll be damned if I always forget his name. This guy. Maybe it'll come to me this time. I gotta find out this guy's name. All right. Kenneth Ulysses Nelson. Tarmac. I know, I know. Yeah, my dad, his two heroes were president Grant. Nelson Mandela. Wow, he was early on. Mandela. I can't believe you know my whole name. Well, just for kicks, what's your full name? I bet it doesn't roll off the tongue like mine. No, that's a mouthful. I gotta tell you. Hey, I don't have the four names like you. I'm not catholic. I just got the three. So just take William and combo that up with my first and last name. Double will do. Baba. Tom, I think this might do it. Okay, check this out. Look what Tobit gave us for a bonus this year. Cowboy. Only gold level guys got these customized Corinthian leather business card holders. I rock it old school. I don't keep crapping my phone. And look, I'm saving the top spot just for you, Mr. Numero Uno. Now that rolls off the tongue. Give me that card holder. Hey, Kenny, you're not going to believe this, but I just gave my last card away. And they are beautiful. He's 100% acrylic. Wow. I promise I'll have a card for you next time. You know, in fact, I just gave away my last card to Rick Ramica from Du Cor. That's our top competitor now, Junior. When did Ramika change team? Well, he's been with him since the holidays. Actually, he and his family came over for our annual Christmas party. I told you, you're always welcome to come. All you gotta do is call. I know. You know, my name's in the. The book. Just busy. Just look it up. Yeah, Ramika and. And his wife got me and. And the little lady personalized Snuggie. Wow. Our names are stitched right on the front. The names are on the front. No, Kid, you got a picture of those I'd almost painted? Sorry, Kenny, no photos. We love those things. They are a big hit. Wow. Well, you know, I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I knew I'd see you again. And I just hung onto your gift card right here in my carry on. Actually, I have a. A few of them went all out with gift card medleys this year for our top clients. I certainly want to just pop them in the mail. Baba Tom, hang tight. I got to do some quick free gifting. All right. He like to personalize things. Now it's tobacco Moto. Yeah. Here you go. Brand new one. Oh, Circuit City. Thanks, Kenny. That's not all. This one. This one's good for a hundred bucks. Oh, Montgomery Ward. Oh, they got everything. You're too kind. I know, I know. And here's another one. But I'm going to need you to sign for this one. It's like a membership thing. A service merchandise. Huh. You're gonna. You're gonna have to sign right here, chief. Let her rip. Just sign right here. Yeah, I know they. When I used to go in there, they always had to sign stuff, so. Okay, here. Here's the thing. Oh, you got a sharpie. Yeah. Okay. Let her rip. Here you go. Wow. You a doctor now too? That's pretty much a straight line shooter. Looks like one of the answers on Final Jeopardy. When the people are just guessing in the last few to fade away. Maybe you should print right under so the people at service merchandise don't question Anything. I don't know, Kenny. I gotta get going there. In fact, I don't even think there's a store around my house anymore. Huh? I gotta get going. I tell you what, I'm gonna put you on the VIP list for our convention out in Scottsdale. Oh, it is beautiful out there. Will do, son. Will do. And do me a favor. Hit me up on Twitter. Okay, no problem. Big time. What's your handle on Twitter? You ain't gonna believe this. I'm one of the rare guys that actually got his name as my handle. Wow, that is rare. Don't I know. Don't I know. I gotta say too, stay young, Phoenix. I gotta take a quick phone call. Hope you're having a great Monday morning. Maybe getting ready for a cookout or something today. It's a Memorial Day Monday. This is Christopher in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. And this is the best of the Bob and Tom Show. Shane Moss, comedian, stopped by. He has that mountain man. Check it out. Hello, Tom. We have a special guest sitting in the studio with us. It's a guy who's going to be probably happy to grab some of these dude wipes because he's currently traveling in a camper. Probably hasn't seen a shower for a while. It's comedian Shane Moss. Shane, long time no see. Since the last time I saw. You've obviously haven't shaved. Yeah, that is a, that is a, that is a serious beard. You like your like 3/4 of the way to ZZ Top. Yeah, yeah, no, I know. I, and I, I also, also I think since we, we last talked, I got into pickleball as well. Oh, really? So, yeah, so I'm already like aware of how seniors react to seeing my hair. That's right, seniors. I accept that. And pickleball player though, I gotta tell you. No, yeah, it's been a while of fun. I, this is, it's funny because this hair, this was, I grew it out during COVID I was like, well, there's never, I'm, I, I never wanted to do the in between thing on stage or whatever and I grew it out and, and I, I. Ironically, this is the least amount of drugs I've ever done in my life and the most I've ever looked like in my entire life. And you know how you like books and covers and things like that and judging and. Sure, yeah, yeah. You kind of have that mountain man look. Yeah, thanks. And your hair, currently you have like a ponytail sticking out the back of your head, but up high. Yeah, I got the man bun situated. There you go. Oh. Oh, that is. Oh, there you go. It looks great, man. Wow. Yeah, it does. It really does. It's luxurious. That is. That is a mane. David Coverdale would be jealous of that hair. I know. I was actually just in. I was in Alaska, and I had, like, a couple week vacation. I did a couple shows up there as well and have been trying to take better care of myself. So I was doing some hiking and everything, and I felt like I fit in, but I didn't know about the bear situation. I was like, I'll just go in and I'll get some bear spray. And I went in to the cashier, and I was like, hey, I have this bear spray. Is there anything else? Any tips for watching out for bears? And he was like, oh, you don't really need that bear spray. See this, like, little bell? It's like a $4 bell. You just need, like, a bell. You know what else is maybe get, like, a horn. They have very sensitive hearing. So get a horn. I'm like, I'm just gonna. There's three of us. I'll get all of the things. We'll all have a different thing going on. And then I get back and he. He's like, yeah, because, you know, the bears, the horn, they'll. They'll go away, and they stay away. They don't like that. The bear spray, they'll go away, and then some of them, they'll come back because they like it. It's spicy. And I've never been scared of bears until that time. That's like a. The sadistic bad guy in the movie that, like, you punch and he likes it. Yeah. You know, he's nuts. Yeah. And then. And then. And then you run into, like, some. Some ranger, and you go like, hey, this guy's telling me I should use this bell. And they're like, that's a dinner bell. You don't use that. Yeah. Everyone has a different take on how to manage the bear, so. Look like a mountain man. Still. I'm not quite comfortable on a mountain. Isn't it brown, lay down, black run away and. Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Our guest is comedian Shane Moss. And you say that you've. You're doing fewer drugs than in the past, generally. Yeah, I have a. I have a variety of theme shows that I do. I'm currently wrapping up a tour with a show about psychedelics. And ironically enough, I. It's the least amount of psychedelics I've done because they take too long. I. I'm on tour. I'm too busy during a psychedelic tour. I'm too busy to do psychedelics. Lasts for no shorter than 10 to 14 hours, which. Who has time for that? Has someone developed a short form trip? You. You would think that there would be like a weird. Like a. A Reader's Digest. I just never understood that. Like, I like naps way too much. That's. It's not appealing to me in any way. Isn't nitrous oxide kind of a quick version? Oh, yeah. Version of. That's like a 30 second sort of sort of thing, I think widely associated with some brain damage. I associate it primarily with dental work, but that's interesting. Interesting. Once again, Shane Moss. And you've been living out of a kind of a camper van, is that correct? Yeah, yeah. I've been traveling everywhere with the camper van. It's night. I. I had some car trouble on the way in. This is. I just had some. My. My solar panels weren't keeping up with the electrical or something. I left something on and got in this morning. Morning. And it was. All of the electrical was dead, which. So like both. Both your house and vehicle are dead at the same time. So I had to quick clear all of the food out of the refrigerator before heading in here today as my whole van smelled. Oh, man. That had never happened before. It was a fun new one. We're gonna check in with Christy Lee. Do you have anything that ties into. Well, we have. We were talking about drugs and partying and having a good time. Apparently, alcohol free beer is gaining popularity at the famed Oktoberfest. At the Bavarian brewery Weihenstaffen, non alcoholic wheat beer and lager now make up 10% of its volume. The increase mirrors the statistics for the rest of Germany's beer industry. At Oktoberfest, which kicked off over the weekend, all but two of the 18 large tents at the festival now offer alcohol free be beer. This year also marks the first time an alcohol free beer garden has opened in Munich. All right, okay. So they have a alcohol. This seems so odd. Alcohol free beer good. Yeah. They're gonna have fun and do the things and. Yeah. Police in the UK say they have no leads in the hunt for the so called phantom booper. Oh, no. Operating around a seaside V village, video footage has caught the suspect with toilet roll in hand, really squatting down, defecating in a person's driveway in Camber, Sussex. All right. According to the Sussex News, the individual keeps leaving unwanted deposits, if you will, behind. Is that at the same place apparently they're different places. Right. The pretty, pretty clear pictures of this guy. Yeah. Sussex police said we are aware of a video of a man allegedly defecating on private property in Camber. Inquire reason going. And they're asking the public for help in identifying Phantom Pooper. All right. What is that name? That's some psychological thing the guy's doing. Yeah, if it's not at the same place, it's not like he's mad at an ex or something. Yeah, because that would be reasonable. You play Ding Dong Deuce with your ex. I, I, I, I don't, I don't like this, this Orwellian prophecy coming True. The 1984 ref. There's cameras everywhere. You can't even sneak a deuce on someone's property. It's a shame. It really is. Oh, God. Maybe the guy's just having his bathroom remodeled. And you think there's a sexual component to it. I don't know what there is. I do know that this happens in burglaries. What? Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Ask a cop. Happened when my apartment was a falling guard, if you will. When my apartment was burglarized in New York City, there was a giant pile in the middle the living room. Well, maybe he knew who he was robbing. Yeah, I'm totally serious, Pat. You have any poop songs? I got about 40 of them. Yeah, we got Shane here though, so we can just go. So they're calling him, what is it? The Phantom Pooper. Okay. Not the Mad Shatter. I've always liked that one better. Do you have a song for us, Pat? I have lots of poop songs. Yeah, you just name one. But we have Shane here. Maybe he could chime in. Okay, Trying to include your buddy. Because we love you. I love you too. How about the Australian poop thing with the tv? Remember that down in Australia we had the guy that was going all over the places pooping in the Australian gardens? Oh yeah. I'd like to be jogging carefree and pooping an Aussie's garden by the street. Don't use a loo for a a little secret pool in an Aussies poopy garden. Watch your feet. Hey, look, that's me on the security tv. Hey, why don't you take a squat in an Aussie's garden with me? I'd like to pee, drop a deuce or three and poop in an Aussie's garden by a tree. Here we go. It would be warm. Ooh, in a pointed form. Fertilize your hedges. Make Them green we will run and drop some trout How? Leaving little presents all around town hey, look, that's me there on Melbourne tv Pooping in an Aussie's garden by the street oh, we're pooping in an Aussie's garden by the street thank you very much on behalf of the group, and I hope I pass the audition. Thank you very much. Very nice. See? Thank you. We're hanging out with comedian Shane Moss once again to get that. That kind of mountain man look that is fairly rare in comedy. I don't know if anyone else is affecting that. Yeah, I grew it out and I was like, you know, I'm gonna take this on a tour for one. Do you have a. After this tour, I'll do. I'll do beardless long hair, and then after that, beard, short hair, just to try all of them. Do you have a lady friend out there somewhere? Yeah, she's Susie. She's in. She's in New York City and we met. She's been mostly traveling around with me and. And that's. So. She's. She likes the whole look. Yeah. Yeah. She actually. She's never seen me any other way, so. Wow. I don't. She's seen old pictures of me. It's weird. No. What's her thing? Is she just like hairy armpits? You don't have to get into. No, you don't. You mean for herself? I don't know how much. Assuming she also sort of has a bohemian, like a hippie kind of. You remember what you were saying about seniors? You're not completely off. She doesn't have hairy armpits. She's. She's got a little bit. A little bit. Sure. Okay. All right. Very good. Very good. You know. Did you ever try, you know, going all natural? No, no, no, no. Always. Always What? You've always shaped. Oh, yeah, Always. Now, does your lady friend shave her legs? Yeah, Yeah. I don't know. Birds of a feather. Absolutely. I. Absolutely. He insists on it. No, no, no, I don't insist. I just. I. I'm in the shower and I see all that. The. The stuff. The Museum of Female History of Shampoo, the. You know. But between my daughters, my shower has all kinds of stuff in it. Long hair is a nightmare. I will say the beard is easy. I don't. I don't have to do anything special. You don't put beard oil in there. A little bit here and there, a little conditioner. But long hair is an absolute nightmare. I. It looks great, though. It does look great. Thanks. All the guys are jealous because. Very jealous. Yeah. It's luxurious. The color and the thickness. Well, sometimes you see a guy with long hair and you're like, oh, that's yours. Really? Does look great. And you keep it. Apparently it's washed and. Yeah. Relatively. Relatively. Bug. Yeah. But I didn't know you. Like. I had never done this before, so when I first had it, it was. I didn't know you're, like, supposed to brush it regularly or whatever. I washed every. But I didn't realize, like, the clumps of every. Like, it gets real. It gets tangled. It gets very tangled over time. Use that spritz. What's that stuff like that? Detangler. Detangler. Yeah. I've used that on my daughters. I don't know what that's. Oh, sure. Detanglers. What is called. Okay, some said some funny name. Yeah, I. I don't. I don't care for the. The. The hair is a pain. I'm. I'm not sure. I'm. I'm totally sold on the long hair, but I'm at least finishing this tour with it. It's a. It's a lot of maintenance. Do you wear it back most of the time? I kind of like. Yeah, I wear it back. It. Just because it's. It's easier. Because I. I thought the man bun was official over. I haven't seen one at the restaurant. The restaurant that I go to. Which chick calls. What is it again? Sorry for both. Sorry to bother you. I. I always found man buttons to be peculiar before. I had. For sure. I've always liked them. I'm sorry. No, you have always. Yes. You know, because I travel a lot. I go to, like, Boulder, Colorado, and be like, this is too many man buns. Baker's dozen of man. I totally, definitely get the judgment. I've. I've had it myself. But it is just easier than sure. When you came in, it looked like, oh, yeah, this is form over fat over function or whatever the hell. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it looked like it was necessary. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you met this lady with that look. Yeah. You know, we were all. We were all aware. Aware of Shane's current appearance, and we were all saying, I wonder how much time Tom will spend on his beard and his hair. You're exceeding expectations. Let me ask you this. What was the. What was the nature of your first encounter with her? Was this one of those Internet things or were you standing in a street corner and she put a dollar in your pouch? How do you like that? She has a. She has a. She has. She has an event space in New York City and I. I did a show at their. Their venue and. And they had a. They had an extra room to rent for a couple weeks while I was in the area doing shows. And that's how we met. Oh, nice. Nice. That's sweet. Now that's a meet cute. See the meet cute at the event space. Yeah, I'm. I. Let's put it this. If you're in one of those Hallmark movies. Movies. Here we go. Josh. My mom watches Hallmark mark movies nine months out of the year. How would you cast him in a Hallmark movie? Oh, is he as the romantic lead? No. It's something. I'm not sure he would be the. Romantically. There'd have to be a haircut 10, 15 minutes in, I would think. I think it's the guy like maybe used to have some stuff going on and then gave. Gave up. Have fell on some hard times or something like this. I. I think. I think my story arc. Yeah. Is that you. You. You straighten it out, you know, been drinking too much, waking up and that. But then things are too important and you have to. And then you gotta like, shave the day. I like that moment in the. In the movies where all they had to do was shave the whole time. And then they just completely. And then your long lost dad with millions and millions of dollars comes back and says, oh, son, you guys, so good to see you. You guys are wandering into Lifetime movie territory now. When you have substance abuse and those kind of harder things. That's Lifetime. Oh, you can play. You could be like, they're usually Christmas related. Yeah. He could be the ghost of the adult Jesus coming back to the creche. What do you think there's like a live nativity? I think there's a sacrilegious aspect there that Hallmark would want to avoid. Okay. Sorry. Right now. I just been putting out the feelers to get cast as a reincarnated. We're coming right back here on this Monday morning. Ooh, something scary. Ghosts divorced on Halloween and lots more. This is the Bob and Tom show. Bob and Tom. Maybe a rocket or two. There's Ace Cosby, my man. Oh, thank you for my man. I'm Chick McGee at the sports desk. And here's Tom, my boy. Thank you, Tom. You're talking me? Of course. Yeah. Okay. Ace is my man. You're my boy. All right. Isn't that nice? Let's all be careful. Let's all be careful. Speaks. No one gets Hurt people are. People are hearing us as we're talking. Okay. We were talking about ghosts and this interesting story about the number of people that think they see ghosts. And I. I remember this article. I finally dug it up here. This is from Live Science. It says, here's the headline. Hearing someone call your name in the woods when there's no one around is not uncommon because of all the ghosts. You're in the woods by yourself and you hear something. Is it a ghost? Is it Bigfoot? Well, scientists say they can explain why people hear their names being called in the wood woods. It's a phenomenon known as auditory. Oh, I'm not going to get this right. Pareidolia, maybe. John. Interesting. It's the brain chooses patterns of sound and tries to put them together to have them make sense. So even it may might be the wind blowing, but you think it's calling your name because your brain is trying to find the proper words in there. I've heard that. Yeah. Yeah. I was down at this park down the street, right. Walking around. Yeah. And I heard, hey, you in the blue shirt. And your brain was just. This can't be a real person. Right? Right. Do you ever see that thing on the Internet where whatever you're reading, that's what you'll hear them saying. Do you ever see that? It's like green needle or something. Or. And then there's another phrase, and if you read green, that's what you'll hear. And then you switch it up and they're really different. They're really both different. But I. I hear both of them every time. Pretty interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Your brain is messing with you, Tom. Your brain's amazing. We have an email about a potential haunting here. Edward has written in. He says my dad heard a door slam one time when he was asleep. Turned out it was just me sleepwalking and I pissed in the utility room. Now that'll lesson learned. That'll happen. Well, now we do. We have a song coming up. Sure. You want to hear something scary? Yeah. Talk about Halloween, right? Yeah. Scariest thing about Halloween. How's that sound? Pretty good. Lovely. Who's that knocking on my front door? I'm watching the game. It's a quarter to four There's a tiny spider man saying trick or treat. I'm in my boxer shorts all out of sweets. The scariest thing you've ever seen is a divorce Guy with no idea it's Halloween. I got no candy in the house, man, that's a drag. Cause baby Yoda's on My porch holding the bag. I got no Snickers, Reese's cups, a Hershey bar. I have Chinese takeout and a couple cigars. The lights are off so I can't be seen. I'm a divorced guy with no candy, no girlfriend, no idea. It's Halloween. I've got toothpaste, vitamins and pizza crust, Advil, Sudafed and Cheeto dust, a fifth of Crown Will Royal and a couple of beers. Unpaid bills and a summons to appear or the scariest thing you've ever seen is a divorce. Guy with no candy, no girlfriend, no job, no pants, no idea. It's Halloween, you might want to put the pants on. Yeah. Shorts on. I don't have any pants. I may make it clear that you're not very, you know, flashing the kids. Is there a video for that song? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, let's check back in with Christy Lee at the SILAC news desk. What's happening? A lot of people are talking about it. If you missed it, SpaceX pulled off the boldest test flight yet of its starship rocket by catching the returning booster back at the launch pad with mechanical arms. It's incredible. Towering almost 400ft, the empty starship. Like it looks like they're showing it backwards. Yeah, I mean it's. You see this thing plummeting to earth. All of a sudden the I smell AI engine kicks on and it. These giant arms. It wasn't plummeting, it was almost. It was slowing down, it was plummeting and then they turned last slow motion as it goes right in and catches. Not a big deal. Not a big deal? What do you mean not a big deal? Are you kidding? Go ahead, Christy. No. Well, the empty starship blasted off from the southern tip of Texas, arced over the Gulf of Mexico, and unlike the four rockets before that, ended up being destroyed. This recent demo completed its flight without exploding. 1 out of 5. It's like watching a baby go back in into the womb. The first stage booster then flew back to the launch pad. It didn't even go to outer space where the launches towers. Massive metal arms dubbed the chopsticks caught the descending 232 foot stainless steel booster. So what is this? What are they doing with this? Well, they want to be able to at some point send up a rocket and have it return to Earth for there to reuse it so it's not wasted. Space shuttle. Right now it's the. It's the rocket itself, you see. Just a rocket. Yeah, just a rocket. One of the most sophisticated pieces of Engineering. Ever made. Yeah, but for what reason? Nobody's. Nobody's told me yet what this is for. Because Elon Musk wants people to go into outer space and come back. So many people hope he's the first one. They're testing what they want to do on a shuttle, on a rocket. Why don't they test it with a shuttle? Because then people would die. No, you can put mannequins in there. Or monkeys. They've done that. I'm all for them using monkeys. Some people are mad at me. Have you seen. But this. These, like. It's like these robot arms. Yeah. They come in and they. They caught it. They catch it. It's got better hands than the receivers on the Dallas Cowboys up. These are designed to catch rockets. Yeah. So it did what it was supposed to. Right. So it's. But it's. It's an amazing accomplishment of engineering. If you watch this, it's like, why are you going to. Producer's a space nerd. Of course they can jam this down. Doesn't it look like. Doesn't it look like it's. You're watching. It looks like you're watching it backwards. In fact, I think we are. Now. It's almost. Now it's almost st. Now look, it's not plummeting. Look at the way the flames are going. This is. This is fake. Not fake, Josh. I can't stand how fake. This. That's it. But it's a remote control, right? They're controlling it. Yeah, they all. They. This is. It's amazing, really. Did you also see that NASA blasted off a spacecraft headed to Jupiter? Did you know about that one? No. It's not going to get there for, what, six years? Five and a half years. Tom, you're very close. When they can do it in a week, you tell me. Amazing. They think it's covered in an ice that has a huge ocean underneath this particular moon. No. That's interesting, because there could be life. That's exactly right. What are we going to do with it? What do you mean, what are we going to do with it? I know what we're going to do. We're going to piss off some aliens who are then going to attack us. I don't know why we're mucking around up there. No good can come from that. I mean, we are just hitting the beehive with a stick. Okay, well, thank you very much. That's right. Christy, what's coming up? Coming up, we have a baby that was born in a parking lot of a brewery. We have an owner of a restaurant off a lot of babies that were conceived in the parking lot. Tell me about it. Lager, right? The pandas are coming. The pandas are coming. Boy, are they ever rare. Bear meat, as in not cooked all the way. Yes. And by the way, if we ever have asked Ms. Hooker to cook some bear meat, don't do it. I'd like mine medium. Okay, okay. What about, what about panda? Would you eat a panda? Panda steaks. You would not. You know my goal of being a part of an underground supper club. Been eating all these things. Black and white inside. Yeah. The panda steaks are kind of like Neapolitan ice cream. Standby on this Monday morning, comedian Chris Higgins is coming up and two segments with Greg Hahn. Hang on to something. We're coming back. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Become a Bob and Tom VIP and get your Bob and Tom fix. 20, 24 7. Get all the info in the VIP area@bobandtom.com Welcome back. This is the best of the Bob and Tom show from the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. This is Christopher speaking. The gang is back in here live tomorrow morning. Right now, a segment with one of our faves, Greg Hahn. We have a special Bob and Tom comedy legend. That's a big word. There he is. Go ahead. It's. It's the very handsome Greg Hahn. Oh, man. Thanks for having me on the show. I'm thrilled, Greg. It's a hot crowd out there today. I can sense it. It's a hot crowd. Yeah. Radio listening crowd. Sexy show. It's going to be a sexy show. I can't tell you where I'm staying, Rada, but I'll tell you this. 431, good luck tracking me down. Mr. Greg Han, one of my favorite comedians has joined us in the studio. A man that the United States Marine Corps says said thank you and goodbye now. Ah, too slow. Get back. I told you about the guy that was in my college in the dorm that they couldn't give him a roommate, you know, because he was always threatened to throw them out the window, covered in blood and being put in a cop car and would beat up frat guys to steal their keg and put it in our in the door. Right? And I was like, how can I be more like that guy? They're like, he'd been in the Marines. I'm like, sign me up. All right. They couldn't give him roommates because he threatened to throw them up. Yeah, he threatened two roommates. Is that, is that from Is it a real process that if your roommate dies, you get to graduate for free or something? Is that what. Yeah, yeah. I think in the Ivy League. I've never heard that. Oh, yeah. Or is this just a movie trope? Yeah, I always assumed that was not. Not real. That really happened. When I was in school, there was a guy that quite literally put masking tape across the floor of the room. Oh, sure. Like a. What did Les Nessman do that. The other guy. Don't cross this line. Oh, geez. And then he. And then he. The guy that put the tape down. Chain smoked, never cleaned anything, never washed his sheets. He was actually thrown out of the dorm, which, I mean, to get thrown out of the dorm, you really had to. Were you an ra? We're gonna be in a route charge of stuff. No, no, no, no, no, no. Did you have a beef with the. I bet you did. Yeah, a couple. No, I. Come on. The guy that stops all the fights. I bet there are two types of RAs out there. One, just a total. Just by the book, right? Yeah, just C block all around. And then the other guy who, like, secretly don't hurt each other and. What? Anything you need. Give me 100. Yeah. The rest is. Yeah, yeah. You're not gonna. You're not gonna believe me if I tell you, but RRA was a semi amateur drug dealer. There you go. That's. See, that's the other type. I thought you were going to say RRA was Chris Christopher. Right, exactly. He was a. Yeah. He ended up being a Supreme Court justice. No, I don't know what he ended up being. I'm just saying, when I was a freshman, this guy was. If you needed anything, he was the man. There you go. I don't think he disciplined anyone for anything ever. Like. Like Red at Shawshank. Yeah. You can get you anything. Got me a rock hammer. Yeah. Remember that? Once again, we have been joined by. By comedian Greg Hahn. And I will highly recommend. If you're planning on having a Christmas party and you want to really wow the audience, this man is the guy. He's one of my favorite human beings. Great comedian. And you're. How do you. How does one find a Greg Hahn? How do you track.com? and how do you spell han? H, A H, N. Are you sure? Yes. You're positive? Pretty sure. Okay. They're very good. Hud, you spell Greg. G, R, E, G. Two. Greg's. Not three G, R, E, G, H, A, H. What does it mean when you have three GS? The G, R, E G3. 3000. Why? What happens? Why are you confusing people? Because you got crazy parents. When did Thousand go to K? Wasn't always GS. Yeah, you're going to be two GS. Now it's a three K. How did that happen? I don't know. The K PR firm is real good. K is very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, how did Red go to. I get confused. Red used to be. I mean, think about it. Think about how good the KPR firm is. Potassium is K. There's not a K in that word. No, that's how good the Przyfsky. Yeah, right. K's got found. You don't spell Shaker Heights with a K. No. See, nothing makes sense anymore. Red used to be commies. Now it's gone the other way. What the hell? No wonder people are confused. That one's no more sounds from Tom. Are you ready, Greg? Oh, yeah. Have you ever heard Tony Tom sneeze? Yes. Oh, whoa, hold the phone. Yeah, I was. I was. I was recording a commercial or something. I was sitting in my office Friday when you did that. I remember it now. And this is Tom yawning. See, both of those sound so satisfying. They like, they feel that second one. If you're in Africa in a tent, certain creatures will suddenly. If you do this, you'll see. You'll see an elephant. Elephant's trunk come through here, right through the tent. Do elephants kiss with their trunks? They just put the ends of their trunks, you know. You're talking about an FJ earlier, a tj. I had the closest to that. Does it go in the trunk or does it wrap around? Did ever hear about my elephant interview? Oh, God, have I heard your elephant interview. True. I've heard about it. It took your car. Yeah. Yeah. I'll tell you, Greg, on. Yeah. I was in a. In a parking garage at a major arena, and they. The Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey Circus was coming through town. This is when they used to have the critters. Now they don't. There's no animals anymore. But I was interviewing this guy. That was the elephant guy. Yeah. I am not an animal. Not that kind of shattering. And they've got. They got the elephant right there with a chain around his foot. Yeah. And I'm standing right next to this elephant. Yeah. And I'm interviewing this guy and the elephant. I was wearing a pair of Zubas. Remember those? Those. Why those? How do you describe Zubas? They were football pants that had an elastic waist down and they. But they were very Comfortable and like a wide. Yeah, they were like a loose, like clam diggers, but all the way to the not clam. Almost like hammer pants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A loose clamp digger. Donnie Baker lure them. In any event, there's a poem. I'm talking to this guy and the elephant puts his trunk in my pocket and pulls my keys out. And this guy grabs them before he can steal your car. At the time I was driving really nice blue Datsun 280Z5 speed. Oh, tasty. God, what a dick. That thing pulls up and he gets out in his Zuba. How's he going? Is that an elephant? Look at this. I'm on the radio. You're going to have to give me a Silkwood shower to get rid of the smell of the T. That's right. I'm spilling more than you've ever seen. In any, in any event, were they all icky? Like all snotty? Oh my God. Elephant snot. Oh, it was, it was like you're being slimed and Ghostbusters. But the keys were slimy. Oh God. Yeah, man. But then I got in the 280Z. Yeah, yeah, of course, you know, you know what that's like. You like a good car, don't you? What do you, what do you drive these days? I got a, a Pontiac crapper. No, I got a. Have you seen the new crapper? Oh man, it's loaded. I, I, I had, I got jealous of the day I was behind a Fiero. Yeah, we get gave one of those. I really, those were so cool. I guess they caught on fire though, right? It was a mid engine short lived Pontiac. There might have been a thermal incident or two. I'm not sure. They were, they were cool. Didn't you have at one time, Greg, you had a plan, like a five point plan. I don't remember that plan. Chick. You better do that bit. No, like if you were going to get a big car, get a one car. I can't afford. Knock up a fat girl. That's right. That's right. Irrecoverable mistakes. Weren't you driving an Escalade for a while? No, no. I've got an Armada. I call it the Armageddon. It, it's beautiful, you know, but I like to rent cars, you know what I mean? I rent nice cars with a full ashtray drifter in the trunk. I get the whole thing. The Armada, that's, that's like the gigantic one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You just look at the rear view and all the empty seats. And think you got to make some friends. Ah, okay, cool. You had. You had the Ferraro. Is that what you said? Fiero. I didn't have one. I. We. We. You had the Geraldine Ferrari. Yeah, I drove a Geraldine Ferro for a while in the 80s there. Wow. That's always turned left. No, I was. We gave a Fiero away in the air. It was fun. I just thought those were. They were cool looking, but they didn't last long. Who made those? Pontiac. Oh, okay. They didn't. 84 to 88. They didn't look like they weighed very much to me. Yeah, I don't know why I thought that. I just remember the engine and like, mid. Right back. Mid engine, yeah. How's Porsche? Do we like Porsches? Who doesn't? I just rented one in la. Bus an all around. How'd you like that? Was fun. A Macron, the smaller one. Yeah. What's good, though, right? They're good, right? Yeah, they're great. I want one of those. Is that named after the guy in France? France? Macron. Get the bigger one. The Cayenne. The Cayenne's what you want. That's hot. If you want an SUV like the Pepper. I'm sorry. Let's stop naming cars after food. What's happening? Have we finished our sportscast? No, Gosh, we're finished. Okay, Very good. Okay, let's segue over to Christy Lee. She's over there. What do you got? Is Toots okay? Really? Over the weekend I was like, I'm just gonna start calling Christy Toots. Okay, that's fine. Here's what. Let's come up with a nickname for Christy. Let's just start the bidding. Toots. Mama. Oh, I like Mama, too. Yeah, give us the news. Mama. Mama. Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't you call the HR lady, see if she has any ideas. I'd love to call her. You do? Heavy. Send me more boob pics. Ask for days. Oh, yeah. A recent survey out there reveals the simple joys in life. Is that right, Mom? That bring Americans the most pleasure. And call me Mama. My children bring me great joy. That's a lie. That's not a lie. I bet children bring you great joy. And great not joy isn't that there's a little bit of stress involved? Sure. According to a poll of 2,000 U.S. adults, the top 10 simple pleasures are. Now, who are these 2,000 people? And who did this? We're going to go talk to number 10. Listening to the rain While sitting inside with A warm drink. Love it. Love all that. 35% I did that. But I was on the porch yesterday for a good two hours. I did that because I had no power. I had power to waste. I had no warm drink because it was tap water, because that's all I could drink. Yeah. So this is the number one. No, it was ten. I'm starting. Wait a minute. What are these again? I got caught up. I got caught up calling her mama. Simple pleasures that bring us joy. Us. Will you listen to mama? I'm sorry. Listen to your mama. Something your mom said. Waking up to the sun shining. 40%. I don't care for that. No, I don't care for that at all. Well, we never get. Yeah, you're right. Very rare that happens. Having someone tell you they were thinking about you, that always makes me nervous. Yeah, they're a lot. They're up to something, really. Especially when it's the five zero. Right, Josh? Yeah. It's worse than a. Worse than. Than a girl that. That hates you. A girl that really likes you. They want to get together all the time. My love language is do not disturb. Coming right back in just a few minutes on this Monday morning with comedian Chris Higgins. Some hair talk and more here on the Bob and Tom Show. Q9500. This is the best of the Bob and Tom show on this memor day Monday. This is Christopher in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Here is a segment with comedian Chris Higgins. Willie Griswold's here. Hey, buddy. There's Jeff Oskay sitting in for Trickster. There's Ace Cosby. I'm Josh Arnold. And there's Tom. And Tom. We're joined by a very special comedian guest. Yeah, we have Chris Higgins here. And it's good to see you, Chris. And interestingly enough, for those of you that are watching, it would appear that Chris Higgins. Higgins has stolen the hair of our guest from earlier this week, Shane Moss. Very similar. Same length, same color. And actually, your beard is very similar as well. Yeah, we've got it. We've got a vibe, Shane and I. For sure, you guys could both be mountain men. You've been told that before. I look like if Thor came down to earth and found a bong before he found his hammer. That's a good look. It was good to see you. Thanks for coming in. We're going to find out what's going on in your life shortly. We have a couple things we have to get to. First, we have to finish off our honk on fortune cookie sayings Now, I don't know if you know about this, Chris, but do you do the thing when you get a fortune cookie, you say in bed afterward. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then, Josh, you say one in the bot in the box. I wanted to change it up a little bit. It filthier. I see. Now, Josh, let me read this one, see if this works. All right. This is a genuine fortune cookie. You will receive money from an unexpected source. In the butt. That's what I. When people, when people owe me money and they, they want to, hey, I've got money that you. You, you lent me this a year ago. I go, you have to put it up in my butt. Yeah. And you, you charge interest. You hope. You. You hope it's a roll of quarter. I use one of those tubes they have at the banks. Drive through. That's why I don't make you do it. Christy, you. You, you say in bed. Yes. Okay, here's, here's the next one on the list. Here you will. You will be happy with your spouse in bed. See, that works. That's kind of sweet. Here we go. One more. Christy, the only way to have a friend is to be one in bed. Oh, let's switch things up a little bit. That one doesn't work for in the butt quite as well. That's more than friendship. We're going to give you more, but this time, say, between my boobs. Well, the next one is Happy news is on the way. Between my boobs. Wow. I like it. Maybe we'll just skip sports then and get right to get right to the news. Cowboys one, let's call it. And now it's time to go between Christie's boobs, apparently. Wait a minute. Do you have something? Oh, I have a stupid world record. Oh, my goodness. A Penn State student has created the world's tallest hat. Is that right? Yeah. Guinness World records report that Mr. Joshua Kaiser has achieved the title after crafting a hat measuring 17ft and 9 and a half inches tall. After multiple failed attempts and several prototypes, Mr. Kizer landed on using aluminum gutters covered in fabric to create the world record breaking hat. His final design weighed 226.4 pounds. He had to walk 32ft with the hat on his head to successfully break the record. So it looks like solo cups on his head. What did his parents say? How's, how's, how's he doing in college? My son's studying to be a doctor. Yeah. Okay. So he opted to go with a Santa hat. He really did. Yeah. It's Red in color, and it goes straight up. How many feet is it? 26. Oh, I'm sorry. 17ft, nine and a half inches tall. Okay. And all I see, it weighs 26 pounds, and he had to walk quite a ways with it. 32ft. Yeah. What's his major? Engineering, apparently. You guys think this is a fun story, but last night I had to sit behind him at the opera. He sold one of his hats to the Pope. Please. I'm trying to watch Nixon in China. Wouldn't mind removing it. That Lincoln would like one of these bad boys. That. I have a theory, by the way, about that Pope hat thing. What? And I think I mighter. Yeah. Because, I mean, it's completely ridiculous. Yeah, no, it's ridiculous. There has to be a reason for it. I mean, it doesn't protect you from the rain. It would fill up with rain. Right? The minor. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Why would it fill up with rain? Because you got the two flanges, and then in the middle, it's hollow. It's not open. Like the guy at Benihana's hat. Here's my theory. The Pope's flipping Eucharist up into his hat. He's working. I catch it to egg. I need to talk to a religious scholar about this. I have two theories about headwear and religion. You know, they got the skull cap, which in the Judeo Christian tradition is on both sides of the aisle, if you will. You got your yarmulke. You got your skull cap. And I think that's because these guys were all going bald. And as they were aging, they didn't want to. You know, they didn't want the young studs with hair like willies coming up, or hair like Chris's and going, hey, wait a minute. God likes them better because they got all that hair. Yeah. So they got the skull cap, and then the Pope thing. I think it's because these guys were all short. Call it a yarmulke. You should call it a yarmulke. I think. No, they're not all yarmulkes. The Christian ones are skull caps. Yeah. Pope Francis wears one. But we just learned that Tom considers his baldness a punishment from God. God likes them better. Yes, you said God likes them better. And therefore, I was just trying to think, like someone would think hundreds of years ago, have you seen Jesus? Great. Out of hand. Doesn't it have something to do with covering the top of their head so that I know there's a religiosity? Well, I had to wear you know, a chapel veil when I was a little kid going, but don't. I think. Don't almost all these religions. Don't almost all of them have headgear? They have a head covering. Except maybe Buddhists. And they should shave their heads. That's even weirder. But my point is, I think all these popes were little, tiny Italian guys, and they wanted to be. Hey, if you go to a crowd of. You got 85 cardinals in a room, how do you know which is the head honcho? Well, he's the guy with the huge hat. Well, that might have something to do with it. Yeah. I think the mark of his office and a symbol of authority, according to the guy with a bigger hat. Yeah. And didn't. Am I correct in saying. I think I am. At one point, didn't somebody present the Pope with a Harley Davidson motorcycle? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope. I hope somebody in the helmet business made. Made like a, you know, fiberglass miter motorcycle helmet for the Pope. I see. I like the system. I think if you have a pro, your waiter shows up at your table with kind of a short hat. Yeah. Almost like a Pittsburgh Pirates hat. Sure. And then from the 90s. Yeah. And then if you have a complaint, well, you got to talk to the man manager, and he comes out with a taller hat. See? Yeah. You got the chef with the largest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He has a really tall hat. That's a whole thing, too. That is a thing. Yeah. And then. And then the other thing, nurses. And I don't. Is this still a thing where the nurses. There were different schools, had different types of headgear. That's not Still. Yeah, that's. That's gone. Right. They don't even wear. It's all scrubs now. So maybe this guy who built the big hat was like, if I build the tallest hat, I'll become the most powerful being. Right. I'm in charge. I'm voting for him. This chiropractor is voting for him. He just bought him a new lake house. Here's the reason. It's a helmet of salvation. The two folded peaks symbolize the Old and New Testaments. The two. The lapettes were reminders to keep both the spirit and the letter of the Bible together. And then it symbolizes the holiness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're making me tall. Yeah, see, you're making me tall. Taller. I'll make up a bunch of stuff about the Bible. Sure, sure. Did you say I'll make up religious stuff about the Bible? Yes. I want to be a Taller guy. I'm a short little Italian. Cover my bald spots, please. Or all of the popes Italian, like, for centuries. Yeah, yeah. And then they finally realized, wait a minute, Jerusalem isn't in Italy. What the hell? How'd this happen? We should get an Argentinian one. That'd be fun. Well, thank you very much for joining us. We'll explore more news with Christy Lee hanging out with comedian Chris Higgins. Yeah, I don't know much about you, but are you a single man, by the way? I'm not, no. Oh. Oh. I have a girlfriend at home. Yeah. Yeah. Notice the stunned silence. She's normal too. Yeah, she's very nice looking. Yeah. You wouldn't believe her. These guys are jerks. I get that response often. I'm just sad. I have to rip up my. Will you go out with me? Yes. No, check here. So, Chris, you're a big guy. You look like a football player, but you're not. Were you, were you a high school football player? I. For, like, a brief amount of time, I, I ended up playing rugby. Grew up in Boulder, Colorado, so everything had to be weird. But, yeah, I am a big guy. I. I definitely feel, I feel biggest on airplanes. I feel like everybody. Oh, people see me coming down the aisle and I see them see me, and that's when I realize how big I am. I see people just sitting there going, like, please, no, no, please, please, not him. I'm usually in the back. You know, I'm in the last group. Another way of saying I'm a poor road comedian and I'm in like group nine. And let me tell you, there are no atheists in Group 9. Everyone is. I'm a personal foxhole. People look at me and they're like, no, he's gon hair on me. And you also, you're not only a big guy, you got a lot of hair going. Yeah, yeah. This guy who was pissed at me last week, I could tell because the, the, the phone. His font phone was. Or his phone font was. It was the largest it could be. Oh, and I'm a human who's alive. So I read the hell out of his phone. You know, like that. That's all you can do. And he was texting about me. It just, it just said, the guy sitting next to me is massive. I like, you know, that's really the only. The advantage of middle seat in a plane, you know, the eavesdropping. Sure. You could be like, ooh, some drama. Oh, that's about me. Oh, Bridgerton, you turn on your subtitles please. And I reach over and pause their phone for them. We're talking with Chris Higgins, comedian, traveling man. I was talking to you earlier. You were in Europe, is that right? Yeah, yeah, I was in. I was in Scotland for a little bit, which was a, you know, very fun place to be. I was also in Germany, which was fun, but I was suspicious. You know, the people in Germany have changed too much for me to trust. And everyone in there was like, yeah, let's. Let's all dance deep into the night. What if we all wore leather and talked about how we could allocate more public funding to the arts? Oh, are those a bunch of refugees over there? Get on in here, you guys. It's German Germany. We've always been cool. Is that the T shirt? Germany. We've been chill the whole time. Keep Berlin weird. Yeah, yeah. We fund the arts. We don't fund history very much. Nothing's ever happened. I just didn't trust it, you know, Wherever you go, there you are. We have Christy Lee. She's over there at the news desk. We should check in. What's happening over there? Well, we teased Claude the Claw. A New York City restaurant called Bird Box is serving up a chicken sandwich with the chicken foot still attached. Oh, man. Yes. The $19 fried chicken sandwich called Claude the Claw features a fried chicken claw attached to a thigh and drum cutlet nestled in between a potato bun with pickles, slaw, and a savory yo sauce. Bird Box's website states the source their birds. They source their birds with their heads and feet intact with whole. Unashamedly, the site explains the heads and feet of chickens that come from the industrial poultry complex are often so battered they have to be removed to be served, quote unquote, whole. While possibly intimidating you at first blush, Claude the Claw is our source of reassurance and an indicator of quality. A reminder of the kind of food system that we are proud to support. So they do it on purpose. There's a picture of a guy holding this little box with the sandwich. There you go. It's very popular amongst the voodoo crowd. Yeah, it's kind of creepy. It's very creepy. Is anybody else alarmed by. This is so visual. But the amount of sesame seeds on the bun. Yeah, it's kind of the new thing now. Specifically in New York City burger places. I hate that. I know about this. Yeah, they're really. They're covering the bunny head to toe with sesame. I wonder why I don't even notice the chicken foot. Wow. That is, in theory, I like Stuff like this. I go to this great restaurant, it's all like, farm to table stuff. And I got an order of smoked wings one day, and it came and there were still some feathers that had, like, got into the fryer. And you're like, man, this just means that it's more direct from the farmer. But in my heart, I just want it to be so processed that I don't even recognize it as ever being alive. Right. I want that this chicken look like it grew somewhere. Yeah, you don't want to necessarily be reminded of the slaughter. Sounds like a lazy farmer. So I couldn't get the feathers off. But now we need to get to the bottom of this sesame seed thing. What's that all about? I've been seeing it. So I follow a lot of cheeseburger restaurants on Instagram, by the way, you guys. By the way, guys, the dreams come in. The dreams coming true. The kid, Willie G. Is talking to a burger restaurant in the Chicago suburbs. I might get a cheeseburger sponsorship pretty soon. Once that happened, I'll quit comedy. I'll quit radio. You gotta. You gotta drop everything. Become a teacher. Just do whatever I have to do. Well, how would you. You can't drop your whole career once they give you the burger. No, I can. That's why I got into this. There's no. There's no sponsored teachers. The only. The Higgins. Why are you trying to hold him? I just want him to. I thought you were friends. I just want a sandwich named after me very bad. What would you call it? The Willie Burger. Just the Willie G. And it's. Yeah, it's too. What do we got? Let's think. Okay, what would it do? Smash patties. White American. White American, yellow American cheddar, freshly grated on top. And you can do a jardiniera slaw, or you can do roasted jalapenos on top. You thought this through? Yeah. Potato roll. I was gonna say. What was your bun? Potato roll. Service. Okay, let's get to the point. By the way, you guys, sorry I got so distracted. You've been waiting your whole life for someone. Sometimes. Sometimes we talk about food on this show and I get just so fat. I just don't. It gets so unfunny. He's growing. No, but I follow a lot of cheeseburger restaurants on Instagram. And the new thing, I swear, the new thing now is that it's this. Just. It's seeds, stem to stern. It is sesame all over the place. It's not. It's like the old. Remember the McDonald's buns when you were a kid. Right. And it was just all over and then now it's kind of like you get four or five, you feel lucky. But yeah, now they're doing sesame all over the place. Yeah, but it's in New York City. They put that many on it. So you can't see the rat droppings on the bun when they bake it. I don't. I don't like like that. I'm leaving sesame seeds all over it. Takes away from the sneaky burgers. I like. Have you ever. This is. This tells you how bad my teeth is. Have you ever just like came across a sesame seed like, like in your teeth and you're like, wait, I haven't had a sesame thing in like three days. Like, it was just hidden in there and some sort of crevice just camped out. Got a floss? Yeah. Apparently I had an everything bagel two weeks ago. So you would have a potato bun on your burger? Yeah, Martin's potato roll. Specifically, sesame seeds. I. I kind of. So they do make them with sesame seed again. See, it's not funny. I just get so serious and into it. Yeah, I like. I like sesame seed. But for me it's like, man, you don't need it. It's not bringing anything to the burger. Yeah, I don't understand it either. What do sesame seeds do? All I know is I had to drive to the store a couple weeks ago. Cause I got the wrong buns and they had sesame seeds on it and heart wouldn't eat one. That's good. You have to listen to people. So can't you just brush them off? That's what I tried. Oh, my bad, my bad. I'm sorry. I forgot. What? You should. You should. You've been down this road. Your life makes me very sad. Sad and inferior. Coming up, we have. We have. Women are always complaining about. They sure are. Why didn't you just take your bottom? And that's the headline right there. Women often. And this can be. I. Anyone can give. If you wear a dress, I don't care what you got underneath it. When it comes to bridesmaids dresses, there's a kind of a issue. Is that correct to say that a lot of people say that bridesmaids dresses are not very attractive and they're ugly and they're expensive and they're all one color and they're bad for the big girl. They're one one wear only. And we have a new stranger story about those. And they're often. You don't like to be flirted with because they're not getting married. Sorry. I just wanted to bump and grind. Rachel. We'll wind things up on this Monday morning. Another segment with comedian Greg Hahn. He is next. This is the Bob and Tom Show. This is the best of the Bob and Tom show on a Monday morning. This is Christopher in the O'Reilly Auto Parts Studios. Let's wind things up this morning. Another segment with comedian Greg Hahn. Big time guest and more guests coming up. Yes. My goodness. Would you say big doings? I think I would. I think I would say big doings today. You ever said big doings, Tom? Hey, kids. We got big doings tonight, kids. I like it. I can't. I can't imagine. Dunes. The. The sleeping bear dunes, of course. In northern Michigan. My favorite spot. Wow, Michigan, you say? We have a comedian. Greg Hahn has joined us. Mr. Hahn is a distinguished, distinguished alum of the United States Marine Corps, a very fine comedian. And I got a new thing to do now. When you're at a restaurant with a girl. Yeah. A nice date. Yes. The guy will come up and say, be careful, the plate is hot. Don't take. Touch the plate. I'm like, she's hot, but I'm gonna touch her. I love it. Everyone, everyone loves it. That's right. Everybody loves people surrounding tables, sharing. And I'm sure she's thrilled. Yeah. Oh, yeah. When I meet a girl, I like to get down on one knee. When I meet the girl. Oh, yeah. Would you like to be worked into the rotation? I put her in my phone answering thing, you know, I mean, if this is Lisa, press 1. Tiffany, press 2. Dominica Marque Oo. Hey, Godwin. There you are. Nice to see you. Is that 1G or 2G? I don't know. All right. Hey, you got the real hair. That looks nice, Godwin. Looks good, man. It does look good. I'm still using the bird's eye maple witness protection 22 bozo 6. Looks good. Looks good. It's a homebrew. You're starting to look more like the guy in the Sopranos that had the white sidewalk walls. Yeah. Remember that? Holly walnuts. Yeah. Oh, his hair. Yeah. Remember? No, I don't think he does, but okay. Yeah. Look at that. Look. You see? Why you gotta. You gotta go in and get it touched up. You know what? What am I thinking? It's identical. Let's check in with Christianly. She's at the Silac Insurance news desk. What's happening? Authorities in Arizona have arrested a man accused of crawling underneath cars at a car wash. Is that wrong? In order to look at women. Women's feet. According to az, he's looking in the wrong place. I think you have to wait for the explanation. It's extremely confusing. All right. It's not at the, I'll tell you this, it's not during the washing process. It's while the women are vacuuming. You know, the ones where you can go to the self service vacuum stalls. So he goes under their cars and as they're going around the cars vacuuming inside, he's just staring at their feet. Yeah. Apparently this, this happened at the Superstar car wash where police were investigating three instances of a man allegedly crawling under women's cars, as Tom said, while they were vacuuming. Surveillance cameras reportedly captured the 28 year old suspect in the act. Jesse Johnson has now been arrested and apparently had several times before been arrested in Nebraska for similar crime. He reportedly admitted to officers there, there. Yeah, I did it. That he is sexually attracted to women's feet and at times cannot control his sexual desires. He was arrested on charges of voyeurism and disorderly conduct in Arizona. You know, you don't understand. I, I really like it. Oh, this, it's. If you keep the description. One of the women goes, she's vacuuming her car all of a sudden and nothing. You think about this, you're kind of bent over, right? Door open. She looks down and there's a head poking out. 10 terrified her, I mean. And she goes, she's having nightmares. I mean, can you imagine how weird this is? Wouldn't have nightmares. It'd just be weird. Well, her lawyers are telling her, hey, you had nightmares. Exactly. I mean, how crazy. You would think, especially in Arizona, everybody's wearing sandals anyway, it'd be easy to look at feet. But he wanted to get right down. And it also said later on in the article, all the women in question were wearing either sandals or flip flops. Yes. See, that's what I mean. So is this. Here's here. I guess my question is, is this guy actively enjoying this? If you know what I'm saying? That's a good question. Or taking it home? Or is he. Is this for his spank bank or is he taking photographs? Right, right. But it's such a sort of peculiar way to do it. It'd be really hard because you could just walk around and see their feet in any. Right, that's what I'm saying. But, but he wants to get eye level. He wants to get ground level so he can really Be. And. And also, I assume. Assume the specific. What's the word? Specificity. Specificity. That's the one in English. Isn't anyone worried about him being run over? Well, the cars are parked. Well, but when I just have to leave, Get a job at a shoe store. Yeah, that's. But I have. I think it's the fact. I think it's the fact that he is doing it stealthily that is the appeal. Right. That they don't know what he's doing. Here's the problem with getting a job at a shoe store. You got to deal with guys, too. And he just wants the. You know, he can't be like, hey, I can't help you. I'm only helping these women. There's a big, like, box shoe store around here, and occasionally you go in there and there will be men, like, hovering around in the women's shoes. It's kind of creepy. You don't think they're shopping for their girls? No. What if they're. Maybe they're. Maybe they have a transvestite act or something. That would make sense, but. No, that would make sense. These guys. Guys don't appear. I'm not being critical. I mean, if. Hey, whatever you're doing, be harmless. Maybe they're just whacking in some shoes. I love that song. Whacking in some shoes. Remember whacking in some shoes? Didn't we find out that foot fetish is the number one fetish? Right? Yeah, yeah. But this one. Stop there. This one is really odd. And yeah, I. I kind of agree with Chick. Couldn't you get really badly hurt? You think so? You think. Think at least hit your head on a muffler. Yeah, it's worth it. I mean, hey, buddy, while you're down there, change the oil and don't steal my catalytic converter. Yeah. Do you think he has a special outfit so that if he gets oil stains, it doesn't. He doesn't get bummed out. You think he carries one of those little car things that he slides underneath the car? I hope he's just zipping around the parking lot, in and out of cars. Wow. He crawls under the car while she's vacuuming her car. Yeah. What you see. See the guy getting down? Don't you see him walking up to your car and getting underneath? No, I think her head's down from the other side. I would kill him immediately. I think it said, if I'm not mistaken, he would park next to them. Uhhuh. And then when they would start vacuuming he would then go crawl underneath. Wow. You know, I sort of respect the. The go get of the go get, go getter attitude this guy has, but with all these fetishes. I've mentioned this many times before. The. I remember reading about a guy in. It was either Wisconsin or Minnesota, and his thing was horses. And they caught him towing with a. In a. He was towing with a Volkswagen Bug he had. Or something. He had a rig that he had welded together to. To sadly, to restrain the horse so he could do what he wanted to do. So this is something that this guy spent a lot of time getting ready for. And so, I mean, I don't know if there's. If this. If this under the car thing is a common or if this is just a very unusual, creative way to do it. I mean, with the Internet these days, you think there'd be. There's probably a website for this. Of course, only fans thing. Yeah. But apparently he. This isn't one of those upskirt things where he one to look up, right? No, it's just the. It's the feet. I ain't interested in anything above the feet. Greg. You like a foot? Feet are fine. Sure. Girl with a nice foot. I mean, I'm not a nut. You know what I mean? Right, right. But you don't. No, no. God, no. No one's calling you a nut. You got pretty feet. Nice feet. I don't like gigantic feet. All right. Big fuzzy feet on a girl. I don't like that. That sounds bird. Sound like you might have a bird there. You're not into feet. Pad. Padration. What would it be? Pad something in there. The poor girl has gigantic feet. I always think like, oh, come on, man. What's gigantic now? Like a seven, a nine? I don't know, just a big foot. I don't know, like a 12. You're walking through the grocery store, she's wearing sandals with a great big foot. Like excommunicado. I understand that you, Greg Khan, keep yourself hidden. Recently. Recently had to break up with a woman. How did that go, Dan? How did it go? What's this? How's it going? I believe it was done rather swiftly with text messages. Yeah. So that's how you do it. Eight years. Good run. I'm out. Send block. You can have this, man. This is the Bob and Tom. Former MLB all star Sean Casey, AKA the Mayor. Keeps hitting it out of the park. Take my 30 years of experience. Take the wisdom and knowledge I've learned from the failures When I got sent down my rookie year, all the injuries I had to overcome. Your mind is the most important tool you have in life. Be relentless. Keep charging. It matters how you talk to yourself, how you look at the world. That matters. We talk about that. I don't know. I'm fired up. Baseball's back, and it's going to be incredible. I love it. The mayor's office with Sean Casey from Believe, Follow and listen on your favorite platform.