Loading summary
Transcript1 lines
- [00:00]
A
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. Streaming September 4th on Peacock we sell toilet tissue and local newspapers. That is in order of quality. From the crew that brought you the office. My name is Ned Sampson. I am your new editor in chief. Comes a new comedy series. Have you read this paper? Uh huh. It sucks. But we are going to make it better. Meet the underdog journalists. I hope it's not too disruptive to have me shake everything up. Don't be so self defecating with major issues. Oscar. Oh God, not again. The paper Only on Peacock. September 4th, it's the Bob and Tom show. One of the biggest holidays of the year is Labor Day. And in my rather extensive research of holiday songs, incredibly, I found not even one Labor Day song. And because I'm not afraid of doing a little labor myself, I have taken the time to create the first totally original Labor Day song. A F at the CIO AF of L CIO A F of L C I O A F of L C I O It's Labor Day I have to say it's time to put white shoes away Same goes for belts Anything else white put away? It's Labor Day we are gathering up a day wearing clothing with the union label Last Labor Day was a mockery mom wore shorts made by Kathie Lee It's Labor Day all people play ironically no work today with union kids it's finigree they'll pick scabs and make them bleed On Easter Day kids hunt for eggs it's too easy, it's no fun On Labor Day all of the kids go on a Jimmy Hoffa hunt. Once they found Amelia Earhart out there in. It wasn't Jimmy so they left her. We don't know where. Hope you enjoy your Labor Day. Good morning. Hello. From coast to coast, it's the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom, Bob and Tom. Bob and Tom. And many portions of the upcoming program have been pre recorded, meaning they've already happened and they're about to happen again. So where was it? Oh. Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, we're glad to have you here. It's the Bob and Tom show. Hey, paramedic is. But paramedic. I tell you what. You tell us about the news. I want to move to Italy. You lovable whop. You go ahead. That's insane. Hey, you know I'm Italian. Well, that didn't deserve. That's fine. It's up to me to say what I want to say. We understand, but we're very uncomfortable. Oh, I beg your fault. I have a question. I beg your fault. Is it. Are. Are you on ecstasy? Pot, booze? All of the above. What is the hell's wrong with me all morning? It's a loving guy. We Italians love to love. Oh, well. So I'm sorry. So we're in Italy for the story. A paramedic was fired after he was accused of trying to remove a ping pong ball from a woman's vagina. I love stuff like that. Well, I'll tell you what. That. That must have been one hell of a game of beer pong. Were they playing naked? Actually, this is in Tasman. The woman called the first. How does the ping pong ball get in the front? Naughty. According to this account, the woman called emergency services after getting the ping pong ball stuck in her vagina. In Italian, it doesn't say how that happened. Responding medics allegedly used medical forceps to try and remove the foreign object, but she was ultimately taken to a hospital. Sir, get a look at that. Wagino, you say watch, you know. Okay. One of the male paramedics involved was fired over the incident after the Tasmanian indictment Industrial Commission found that he tried removing the object without appropriate training. I see. And with an inappropriate. I love to talk to any physicians out there. When you went to medical school, did you walk into class one day? All right, today we're gonna learn how to get a ping pong ball out of a woman's vagina. What, are we going to Tijuana? Why are we learning this? Go ahead and laugh, but you'll need it someday. She needs to kegel more. We saw a lady shoot one out of hers. Remember that chicken? It was unbelievable. All the way across the room. Just suppose that's how it got in there. Yes. I think she was trying to perform a. Probably. How are you supposed to get it out? Shop vac. I don't know how they got it out. I don't have anything. One of those wet dry vacs. Apparently this guy tried using his tongue because it was inappropriate, whatever he did. And why did you say, my new favorite buddy, eat the ball out, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah, maybe somebody was. Maybe somebody got a little too into the Olympics. Man, that's funny. Did you see those guys playing ping pong? They're like 50ft away from the table, crushing the ball. They were amazing. They were amazing. No, seriously, how do you get a ping pong ball? She shoved it up there. I just pushed it. She was probably trying to do a trick. We're all familiar with the ping pong ball trick. You've not seen or heard of it? Not seen it. I wouldn't watch something that vulgar. Who does? Who? Under what circumstance would someone decide to do that? Maybe she's a stripper. She's trying to get extra money. We've offered theories and you're just simply, simply not hearing them. And you don't want to hear us. Maybe morons like this don't deserve proper medical care. What the hell? Leave it. She's in Tasmania. She didn't get proper medical care. Oh, I see. Forgive me. My fault. A woman in Kentucky has opened a cookie store called the Leaky Mama to help mothers boost breast milk. That makes me think of my mom. I'm glad it's not because of, you know, diarrhea. Tom, will you. Will you ask that guy to leave? He's my new favorite gu. No, I'm his new favorite, and he's my new favorite guy. So the Leaky. I love this. Some beat. So. So what's. What's leaking her. It's for breast milk. Okay. Okay. Because it sounds. I mean, leaky sounds like. Mercedes started making lactation cookies a few years ago when she was breastfeeding her second child and has since expanded her business and opened a storefront in Lexington, Kentucky Southland neighborhood. By the way, there is no breast milk in the cookies. Oh. All right. According to wlex, I am Lex Luthor. I don't know. The cookies contain multiple ingredients. All of their newsacres have to have a bald head, shaved head, like Lex Luthor, and they have to pronounce it Luthor. Mr. Luthor. The cookies contain ingredients that can help women increase their milk supply, such as oats, flaxseed, and brewer's yeast. Ms. Ekman, a former teacher, mother of three, told the TV station she knows firsthand the stresses that can come with breastfeeding, and said her cookies actually really, really help moms going through postpartum. Oh. All right. She added, the treats are not just for breastfeeding women, but can be enjoyed by anyone. I see. Yes. Christy, Is breastfeeding stressful? Yes. Really? What exactly is stressful about It. Oh, my God. Do you want us to have this fight again? I'm not trying to fight at all. I didn't say anything. I'm honestly. I'm ignorant to this. It's painful for some. I've heard soreness. Your milk may or may not come in. It's exhausting because you have to feed every two hours. How could it be awkward if you're in a public place? But people have gotten better about that. Pumping is just. You gotta pump all the time. It's. I have a lot of respect for women who do that. I did not last long. Six weeks. Was. Do you know if you were breastfinger? I believe I was, yes. Yeah, we grew up. It was out of favor. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, it's very good. And so the cookies, though, it's. It's. They're not made of the. With breast. Well, of course. No, that would be illegal. What do you think of the name Leaky Mama? I think it's cute. I think it's funny. It sounds gross, but in this context, it makes perfect sense. And it certainly catches the ear, doesn't it? Yeah, of course. I mean, it is leaky. Daddy would mean. Daddy caught the nail. This is for. These are. Yeah, I made cookies for those of you with her. You got a. You got a green discharge. Experts are weighing in on what it would be like for astronauts to have sex in the weightless environment of space Now. So they're acting like this has never happened. Is that what I'm hearing? They figured out it would be real hot. I think that part of it is. Part of it is. I think this reason this was just released is because they've got the male and female astronauts that were supposed to come back. Yeah, we have that story, too. Stuck up there until February. They're not a couple, are they? They may bang one out. Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams. Yeah. I wouldn't touch her. Not your cup of tea, huh? They were only supposed to be away a week. Does have a Halloween look to her. I've never seen her, but I'm sure she's. She's got crazy hair. Because everyone in space. You get the. No matter who you are. You look like Angela Davis in 1968 in weightlessness. Maybe that's why she. I think. But I like the idea of a movie called Ace in Space. Ace Cosby Goes to the Moon. You know what? I think that's a sugar packet. It's like we have a rattlesnake. So you can hear. You can hear that? Yes. Hang on. A give me some quieter. I can't hear him. Whatever frequency you can't hear that you can't hear, therefore it doesn't exist. No, my ears are shot. I thought you got help with that. Yeah, but you can't. You can't use those when you have headphones. Well, that's handy. The one place you really need. I can't wear those at work. I'm sorry. Trying to talk about space jugs or something. Or not. Butch Wilmore Suni Williams. Anticipate being away at least till February is. Oh, geez. Yeah, I'd be. Oh, wait a minute. He's no prize either. Come on. Rather sleep with a can opener. He looks like a grown up Chunk from the Goonies, right? Yeah, you're right. He's no winner, is he? Well, that is. That is one ugly face. No, it's not. It's too ugly. You know what? I say leave him up there. You are awful human beings. You're just figuring this out? I mean, God forbid. The Martians. My favorite break of all time. Martians meet them first. We're all screwed. You know, when the picture went up, we all gasped. Put that picture back up. That race needs to be eradicated. Oh my God. From the universe. She looks like Getty Lee on a four day bender. She looks like a slightly uglier part of the slightly uglier looks. I just said I wouldn't touch her. Did she take a space shuttle up there? Or a broom? Can you show the guy at the witch's door? I think Kenny Lee is more attribute. Yeah, yeah, show the guy. Show the astronaut again. He looks like Chunk. A grown up Chunk from the Goonies. I think he looks like the kid in Deliverance. He does. Give the guy a banjo. Is that facial hair or a band aid? It's some kind of chin band aid type thing. Because somebody I'm sure saw him for the first time and just instinctively punched him in the thro. So he doesn't have any muscles in the back of his neck. That's why he became an astronaut. Look at these two genetic mistakes. They're brilliant astronauts. I don't care how smart they are. How did his eyes get that close to him? Apparently she's not smart enough to operate a brush. Hey, good morning and welcome to the best of the Bob and Tom show here on a Labor Day morning. This is Christopher speaking. Coming up on the show today, Joe Dombrowski. Also Derek Stroop, Al Jackson, letters, Ali Breen, and lots more. But coming. Coming up in just a couple of seconds here. Henry Phillips in studio. That's next here on the Bob and Tom Show. Drinking and driving will change your whole world. The next time you're out with your friends, consider what would happen if you got pulled over after drinking. Like the legal fees, the time in court or a DUI on your record. Your decision to drink and drive could change someone else's world, too, if you hurt them or even kill them in a crash. Instead, what if your decision to call a sober ride changed your world for the better? Drive sober or get pulled over. Paid for by nhtsa. Welcome back to more of the Bob and Tom show on this Monday. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. We're gonna do some listener letters coming up in just a little while, brought to you by nhtsa. Driving under the influence of marijuana is illegal and law enforcement can tell if you're driving high. If you feel different, you drive different. Drive high, get a dui. It's paid for by nhts. That'll be coming up next hour. So stand by right now, comedian Henry Phillips in studio. Hello, Tom. We've got a special guest. He is a singer, songwriter. Henry Phillips has joined us in the studio, an old friend of the show. Yeah. We go back more than 25 years, I'd say about that 2000, I think is. And 1999. I'm gonna read this letter because it kind of reminds. I don't know why this reminds me of Henry. This ought to be good. There's just something about this. Okay. This is from Mitch. Dear Bob and Tom Show. I was in a coma for 10 days last March. Okay. Henry. Oh, no. What? Due to. I'm not sure I'm going to pronounce this right. Necrotizing pneumonia. Oh, man, that is terrible. That's when you get pneumonia and then it necrotizes. Brutal. Necro is usually bad, Right? Necrophilia. I know. Well, that's not so bad. But the. I was on a ventilator for 10 days, writes Mitch. When I woke up, I thought I was in Mexico. By the way, he was in Springfield, Missouri. I immediately started hallucinating every night. One of the weird ones, there was a naked old guy with a sling on his arm sitting on a chair next to my bed. I hallucinated. His girlfriend was in full black latex. What? What? I was trying to talk them about why they were in my room. Fascinating. That crazy. Yeah. Oh, that's Mitch. He says, go, Cardinals. He's from Springfield. All right. Go Cards. But, boy, how odd. Yeah. Gladys. Better. Yeah. Yeah. Random Letter. And there's something about it, Henry, that reminded me of you. Well, yeah. I mean, it's funny because that's. That's. That whole story is literally what my song is about. Oh, wow. Yeah. I'm just kidding. It's not about that. That would be a real coincidence. Haven't seen you in a while. Did you get married? I did, yeah. And very happily. Yeah. The only. The only thing I want to say is that I don't think her parents like me very much. Yeah, no, it's too bad. I mean, it's hard to tell. Well, just one example is, you know, there was one time that we took a selfie, and then she sent it to her dad and he wrote back, and she goes, ah. And I was like, what's that? Oh, yeah. He said something nice. I'm like, he said something nice because I don't think he likes me very much. Let me see what it was. And he said. He said that Henry sure is a lucky guy. And I'm like, babe, that's not. That's not a compliment at all. He's literally just saying I'm not worthy of his daughter. Somehow I tricked the system and got lucky and scammed everybody into this. Like, that's not. How did you see that? That was a nice compliment to me. And then her mom, very similar situation. I was like, so is your mom like me? I mean, what's going on there? And she goes, yeah, yeah. She says, you're fine. And I was like, well, how did she say it? And then he said, I asked her, what'd you think? And then she said, he's fine. What do you want me to say? So anyway, I'm getting. Well, I don't know. You know, they both. I mean, they're. They're a wonderful family. Her. Her dad and her brother literally built their house with their bare hands. Vacant lot. Like, they're those types of people, and they. They can't make anything out of me. They're like, so what do you do again? It's like, that's it. Digital content creator. I don't know. Can I work for you? I don't know. But. So, yeah, but, but. But actually, no. Very happily. And it's. It's been a good time. Good. And you are a digital content creator? I guess I am now. You want to explain the name of your thing? Yeah. So about 14 years ago, I was in the throes of extreme depression and probably drinking way too much, and I was broke, and I started watching YouTube videos of people cooking And I thought, well, you know, maybe this will be my thing. I. I could do this, you know, So I. I've never cooked before in my life, but I started teaching people how to make things like chili and asparagus and stuff like that, and it sort of took off. And at this point, I have more than a hundred thousand followers on YouTube and I've got millions of views on. On some of these videos. And. And here I am 14 years later. I'm still broke, I still drink a lot, and I'm still in the throes of an extreme depression. But. But other than that, it's good. Yeah. Other than that. Yeah, no, it's. It's been. Where do they find this? A lot of fun. So this is if you put in Henry's Kitchen on YouTube. And I also have a website, Henry's Kitchen, and that's got my tour dates and all the social media and everything. But it's really fun. I. I got a retweet from Snoop Dogg recently that was interesting. And slash and like every now be some celebrity and they'll. They'll give me a shout out and it's. It's been a real adventure and I'm having a blast with it. But, yeah, digital content creator, I guess it's very different. And you've got a guitar in your hand right now. Yeah. Yeah. So why don't I do, since I am on a little mini tour here right now. Wait, do you guys hear that guitar? Okay, Yeah, I hear it now. Yeah. Okay, goose the volume a little bit on your end. Sound all right? Yeah. Good. I am on a little mini tour. Why don't I do this song here? This is a little song about that I used to sing for the ladies when I picked them up on dates. These are the things in my car all of the wonderful things in my car A broken guitar A Cuban cigar Some pee in a jar Things in my car they may not be luxury but they are everything I need so come with me and you can see Things in my car so if I was lucky I'd bring the girl back to my apartment and I'd sing this next verse here. These are the things in my apartment all of the wonderful things in my apartment A little compartment with a silk undergarment and pills for penile enlargement and a letter from the police department the things in my apartment there's some cat poo on the mat and I don't even have a cat so tell me what you think of that. And the things in my apartment by now the girl would be long gone But I do this next song, this next part of the song by myself. These are the things in my room all of the wonderful things in my room A dusty old broom A Batman costume A book by Judy Bloom A bag of mushrooms A general sense of impending doom the things in my room they may not be luxury but they are all of the world to me so come and build a life with me and the things in my room the things in my room Very nice. Yeah, that song is definitely. Got me some action. Oh yeah, That's a band together. You don't even have a cat. Do you wonder why your in laws don't like. I know, yeah. It's hard for them. You're in laws. No, I haven't. Maybe I should try to. Maybe you should write him a song. Woo. That. Yeah, that'll. That'll seal the deal with them. Yeah. Henry Phillips is here with us. Good morning. You can find information about him all. You're all over the world of social media, which is interesting because I think socially you. I think the word inept would be. Yeah, yeah, no, I always have. I always seem to get. Well, I get in these things where I try so hard to not stand out or to not get noticed that I actually stand out way more, you know. And I was at one point back in. In the height of my traveling, I was going around so much that I started getting places mixed up. Did you have that happen, Pat, where you just like this hotel looks just like the one and you know, two states over or whatever. So for a little while I was doing the Improv in Vegas and then the one in Tahoe back to back. And the layout was similar. The Harrah's in Vegas, you'd go in there to the hotel desk and right next to it there was a Starbucks. And the little secret was that there was a long staircase and if this line was too long, you'd go to the top and there'd be another Starbucks right there, which is crazy. Wow. And in Tahoe, they had almost the exact same layout. They had the Starbucks and then there's the long staircase, but there isn't a Starbucks. So that part's gonna be important in a second. Okay. I was at the Improv in Tahoe at the Harvey's and I'm standing in line for the Starbucks. And it's one of those mornings where it's 50 people deep. You know, there's moms with crying babies and strollers and stuff. There's guys with skis you know, it's a ski town, and everybody's just upset, and they're doing that kind of small talk that you get in when you're waiting in a line, you know, that they're like, what are they doing up there? They gotta kill the beans or whatever. That doesn't even make sense. I don't think that's what he said, but something along those lines, heckling. And I was like, you know what? Yeah, you're absolutely right. This is terrible. You know what I think I'm gonna do? I think I'm gonna go to the one upstairs, and this guy with the skis is like, wait, there's one upstairs? Yeah, I mean, they might have a line up there, but it's not gonna be as long as this one. I can guarantee that. So I turn around, I start walking up this long flight of stairs, and I'm about halfway through, and I'm thinking to myself, wait a second, is this the one that has the Starbucks, or is this. And I turn around and there's like 15 people following me. There's like, moms with strollers, babies, and there's guys with skis. And I'm like, oh, boy. And then I get to the top, and there's like a conference room. There's nothing. There's just a whole lot of nothing. And everybody gets to the top. And I was like, oh, you know what? Maybe there's not a Starbucks here. Guy with the skis, like, honey, get our place in line. This guy's out of his mind. He just followed a crazy person. And I'm just like. And then, you know, I have to see these people. Cause I'm performing at the club, at the hotel. So I look out in the audience and I see these guys still got his skis for some reason, just like, hey, that's that jerk who told us that we were. Oh, man, that's classic. Henry Phillips is our guest singer, songwriter, and now married guy. Yeah, yeah, that's great. Christy Lee is right over there, back from a very brief vacation. And let's get a little bit of news out of you. What's going on? There's a new study out there that finds frequent nightmares may triple the risk of an early death. Come on. Triple what? Researchers analyzing long term data revealed adults who report weekly nightmares are more than three times as likely to die before age 70. I easily have weekly nightmares than those who rarely have them. Well, well, Josh. The study also found both children and adults with recurring nightmares show signs of faster biological aging. Man, I don't understand the correlation. Scientists say, Josh, that nightmares elevate your cortisol, the body's stress hormone, disrupting your sleep and hindering overnight cell repair, factors that can accelerate aging at the cellular level. That does make sense. Their lead researcher, Abidemi Otaku, noticed that the brain reacts to nightmares as if they were real events, making the stress response particularly intense. In fact, weekly nightmares were found to be a stronger predictor of premature death than smoking, poor diet, or inactivity. That I don't believe. That's hard to believe. Yeah. Come on. Oh, my goodness. Well, that's one of those things. And there's a couple of these statistics that you'll hear where it's just like, okay, we're very sorry that you have nightmares all the time, but also you're gonna die early. So then you're just having more nightmares now. Yeah, and I have daymares. It's like. Like when they used to always bring up the statistic that, you know, it's like, men who have, you know, healthy sexual relations with a partner on a regular basis tend to live longer. So it's like, not only are you not getting laid, but you're also dying young. Thanks. This is great. I was having nightmares so frequently that I talked to my doctor about it. Really? Yes. And he goes, oh, yeah, yeah. That can be side effect of your anxiety disorder medication. I was like, I see. So it sucks the anxiety out of my daytime, but then just loads my dreams. Well, you know, there's a thing called situational rational depression, and I got diagnosed with this. It was in my 20s. I. Yeah, I was with a therapist, and I was just like, yeah, no, I'm going through this breakup, which is terrible, and I just have no direction in my life, no career, and just all kinds of issues. And I was just, can you give me, like, some meds or something to get over the depression? They go, well, no. You have what's called situational depression. What that means is that you're ration. Like, you should be depressed because this is awful stuff that you have happening in your life. Nothing's weird about it. Your reaction is perfectly healthy. Yeah. Your life sucks. And you're rational enough to see that, so we're not going to put you on any meds. And so I was like, really? So then. So you just. Just, I suck. What you need is a job and a better apartment. Yeah. And a girlfriend that likes you. Yes. And. Okay, you got to clean up your life. It makes sense. You're real sad. Yeah. You actually have A reason. A lot of people come in here and they're just clinical or biological or whatever, but you actually have a reason to be depressed. Fresh. Yeah. This story. I don't buy this story either. I don't. Worse than smoking. That seems crazy. Yeah. Do you ever smoke in your dreams? No. Maybe it's because I never really smelled. Really? And do you ever eat in dreams? Boy, that would be. I have, but nothing comes to mind. You know what, like you smell dreams? No, I was just asking. I'm just. I don't know. My dreams primarily are. I'll be talking to people. I had a major. Or other things. I had a pee dream last night. That was. You ever have those where you have. In real life, I guess you really have to pee. So then your dreams are mostly like, I gotta find an unoccupied bathroom. Or then I will, and then I'll pee some. But I'm like, oh, no, that didn't take care of it. There was like three hours of that. It felt like last night. Why didn't you just get up and pee? I didn't know I had to. I was that asleep and then I woke up, I was like, oh, my gosh. But when you were a kid, you had issues with sleeping and being. Yeah, so thankfully I was a bedwetter until, I don't know, 11, 12. And so. Yeah. So I thought you were going to say 38 last week. It can still come back. Yeah, if I drink, it can come back sometimes. But that's been a while. That has been a while. That's one of those dreams that, like, Freud would have been able to analyze very easily. It's like, oh, you're dreaming about having to pee because you have to pee. Not a lot of people. Psychological, I have. Situational, rational. But Freud would have wanted you to pee on your mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah. Which brings us to this song. That's not gonna happen again, I don't think. Yeah. Okay. More of the Bob and Tom show is coming up next hour, including listener letters thanks to nitsa. Driving under the influence of marijuana is illegal and law enforcement can tell if you're driving high. If you feel different, you drive different. Drive high, get a dui. Paid for by nhtsa. Coming up next here on the show, comedian Tommy Brennan. We'll be right back. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom. When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof, like aloe or skims, sure, you think about a great product, a cool brand and brilliant marketing. But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the business making selling and for shoppers buying simple for millions of businesses, that business is Shopify. Nobody does selling better than Shopify. With shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50% meaning way less carts are going abandoned and way more sales happening. So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell whatever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web in your store, in their feed and everywhere in between. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout skins uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com Westwood1 all lowercase go to shopify.com Westwood1 to upgrade your selling today shopify.com Westwood1 we're back now with more of the Best of the Bob and Tom show on this Monday morning. This is Christopher here in the Bob and Tom Studios. How about a segment with comedian Tommy Brennan? Tom's here. And with our special guests. I just noticed something. All right. This room is as colorful as it's been in ages. Well, that's because you don't like color. But that came off wrong. Not really. Nope. That was. Might have been the truest thing I've ever said. 53 checks out for sure. You like blacks and grays and browns and sepia. But you go around the room, I've got like on black, black and dark blue. Ace is wearing all black. You're wearing gray and black. Then we get to guest comedian Tommy Brennan. That jacket like yellow, red, blue. Yeah, that. You. You look like you're going sailing in 1981. I'm starting to think I've got some attention seeking behavior. Peacocking over there maybe. Yeah. And then Willie's got a swath of, of yellow and green. And then if you want advice about attention seeking behavior, my therapist is great. He can really help you. Incredible. Ms. Hooker's got kind of a blue. Yeah, lovely sky blue. And then. And then Josh has on a red check. Flannel. Yeah. Friday Josh is real dumb. Josh, I don't think it's time. I think you're handsome. And I'm telling you this, with that flannel and that mustache, there are certain parts of both. Both females, but also within the gay community, I think you would just be cleaning up. Oh, yeah, thanks. Yeah, they're very into the firefighter type, the bear type. Looking very strong. Right. Be time. I always find it very flattering when I'm hit on by a gay dude. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Really. I'm not one to. I'm not gay, so I don't accept, you know, any offers. But I certainly am flattered every time. Yeah. What about the next morning when you wake up there, you continue to say, say, hey, remember, remember, I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I just really enjoy your penis in my pocket. And thank you. I mean really thank you. And thank you for the pizza. Okay. A great pizza. I have, I have a couple letters here. Sound system. Oh, we had the news story about the, the world record in which the guy was put in a straight jacket. Back to that, and he just did. Our letter writer has a point. We don't have to see the video. I think we do. I love the video. It's the best part of it. The guy's in this like wooden phone booth like thing. He's in a racetrack. He's trying to get out of a straight jacket. The straight jacket in the box. Trying to get out of everything. Guys driving at him in a BMW and he gets out at the last second, jumps to the side and they, they. The thing explodes. Very exploded. But you'll notice that the. Our letter writer. Dear Bob and Tom, I noticed that he's wearing a white straight jacket. I've noticed this. Straight jackets are always white. How do you stay in fashion after Labor Day? That is a good question. It's a fair question. Yeah. And the old booby hatch. Yeah, the old nut house. I'm sorry, old Crazy Acres. Now sometimes they're striped. You've seen them especially in like, like Arkham Asylum, I think uses a lot of striped stripes. I believe Scarecrow was in a striped straight jacket. And then this letter references the story about the woman whose actual name is Soon Bang. S O O N, the new word. B, A N G. And Ms. Bang, charged with operating a brothel in New Jersey. And our letter says she obviously has the slogan, you get the most bang for your buck. Which I think is lovely. Thank you very much. But right now it's time to. Speaking of objects in the body, we have this delightful story. All right. A man in Vietnam is lucky to be alive after a live eel he inserted into his anus punctured his colon. Wow. It did what to his colon? Puncture. Punctured. So I'm assuming it means it bit. Well, it. Yeah, it will. We'll get there. The Straits Times. Ironic reports that the 31 year old Indian national was hospitalized last month for severe abdominal pain. Doctors learned that the man had inserted a large eel into his anus. You know, he tried the I Don't know what it is, doc. Oh, you know what? It might be that eel I shoved. I'll be honest, I'm not going to judge a man who puts an eel in his anus. Yeah. All right, that's a more. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Amore is a more. Is a more, baby. Delightful. Delightful. During emergency surgery, they discovered the nearly 26 inch long eel. What the hell is that? That's. That's big. You know, I think we found your answer, sir. Yeah. Do you remember putting an eel in your ass? Do you remember? It's about to get worse. They discovered that the eel had bitten through the patient's rectum and colon to escape into the abdominal cavity. I would. I would imagine that the eel doesn't care for. Wouldn't you think? Yeah, it wants out. Hold on. But after removing the eel, the doctors also extracted a lemon through the anus. A garnish of sort. Got a season, Josh. Lemons. When you have eel, you know, you gotta a lemon. Tommy Brennan, your thoughts on this? Well, I'm wondering is, does the lemon. Was that like bait for the eel? Right, right. It was not clear how and when the lemon had been inserted into the man's rectum. Maybe a lead blossom cracker. You know, maybe he put the. Maybe he put the eel in. No, no, he went to lemon and then he sent the eel in to get the. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think. I think Tommy's on to something here. You put the lemon in to keep things open because the eel won't want to. Won't try to get in. You have to slide it in. It's kind of like, you know, when Sloth and the Goonies holds the. The boulder up so that everyone absolutely get through. It's the same thing. Yeah. The one I don't know. Right. Gives you lemons. Shove them back there. Yeah. Something out. Boy, aren't you glad you didn't wake up this morning thinking, you know something? I think two beers and an eel and a lemon. It is Friday. I hate when they use teeth, you know? Yes. Our guests. If it's a lemon, we're gonna have to get a shandy. I would think Summer shandy, Right? Right. Lining. Okay. Sours before five. Yes. Not the season for a shandy. Our guest, Willie G. Pat. Do you have a song about the eel? You do? Oh, we could do something like that, I think. Yeah, I think he does. Yeah. So I'd like to know where you got. The more I'd like to know where you got. The more heel in the butt. Oh, baby. Get that heel out now, baby. Thank you very much. Much. Everybody running, gang. We're carrying him out on our shoulders. No verse. I talked about no verse. He was squirming. Okay, let's find out more about our guest. Tommy and Tommy, you're huge family. Eight kids, right? Big family. Yeah. Eight kids. Would your parents. Interesting jobs of any kind? Mom. Mom's stay at home. Mom, Dad's a doctor. Oh. Kind of fun. Yeah. Because I don't have health insurance, so that's a good. It's a good relationship. He's like, I don't believe in your career. I'm like, me too. Right. Right back at you. It was. Yeah. My dad's a doctor. We. We. Everything was at home for us. You know, if you have, like, if, you know, medical people, they don't really believe in health care, so everything was at home. Operation Stitches. I got stitches two times on our kitchen table. That's not. That's got to be malpractice. It wasn't sterile. My dad would clear off the mail and be like, get up there. That's how I was conceived. Yeah, it's Die Hard, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it was. It was a fun time. Never went to a doctor. Still don't really know how to behave. When I go, it's like a stranger. Sure. He's like, do you smoke? I'm like, are you gonna tell Mom? I'm scared. You know, that's. That's. That is very awkward. Yeah. Yeah. My dad and I, we're. We're good. It's. You know, I still use him for, like, medical care, though, but it's just. It's a weird. That's a weird relationship to have with your primary care. Yeah. Physician. He'll tell me to drink less. I'm like, you. You gotta hug more. Let's treat the root cause, not the symptom. And by the way, just a little word of warning. You're getting to the age where. Oh, I know. I gotta get a new one before then. Yeah. Otherwise I'm gonna send a Neil up there. Yeah, maybe. Time. That is an awkward day. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if it begins with. What's your mom's name? Aaron. Hey, Aaron. I'm out of gloves. You got those ones you use in the dishwasher? Okay. I'd wash the table off real quick if I were you. Last week, this show emanated from Iowa. We had a great time. We also sold a bunch of shirts. And we're going to give the money to the stead Family Children's Hospital. I think we're going to have a number on that. I guess by Monday. I know it's approaching $9,000. Is that right? 10,000. Oh, cool. Well, great. We're going to be doing a new shirt. We got a couple visits coming in honor of the baseball season. We're going to be visiting Cincinnati and Toledo, Ohio, and we will have some very special shirts and again, once again, donating the money to a children's hospital in those towns. So we'll be letting you know about all that coming up. You ever been to Iowa, by the way, Tommy? I have, yeah. Last time I was in Iowa, I really embarrassed myself. Myself. Oh, I, we were, we were doing a show and I don't know, I got some like road, road jokes that like plug and play. I almost said it. Yeah, this story's gonna be rad. Oh, my God. No, I, you know, I got like some plug and play jokes where you make fun of the town nearby. And, you know, and I asked, I was in Dubuque and I asked for a town to make fun of and, and this, this bartender said, water. I get on stage and I take four or five swings at Waterloo. Really bombing, like missing big. Can't figure it out. And then I get off stage and my buddy Tim Smith, who is headlining, he stops me on the way off stage. He goes, hey, Waterloo is the only historically black town in Iowa. Crazy. So the bartender completely screwed me over. I was up there looking so racist. I was saying stuff like, go back to Waterloo. If I wanted to dive an overdose, I'd move to Waterloo. All this crazy stuff. And she didn't get what I was going for. She was black and from Waterloo. And I was like, you see what I look like? You can't tell me that. Yeah, that was a nightmare. I haven't been back to Iowa since. We have a lot more coming up next hour for you. Microwaving socks and sexy time with Ali Breen. But coming up after the break, comedian Jamie Lisso be here for that here on the Bob and Tom show. Bob and Tom. Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try@mintmont mobile.com Switch upfront payment of 45 for 3 month plan equivalent to 15 per month required. New customer offer for first 3 months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of networks busy. Taxes and fees extra c mint mobile.com. hi, and welcome back to the Bob and Tom show on this Labor Day Monday. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Hope you're having a great morning so far. More of the best of the Bob and Tom show now with comedian Jamie Lisso getting hooked up with Mr. Jamie Lisso in just a few seconds. All right, sir, I'm looking forward to it. We've talked with Jamie before. A lot of Jamie's been in. A lot of things have happened to Jamie in recent years since we spoke to him. I think he had just gotten divorced the last time we saw him, but there's maybe the opposite happening. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like he's married a. A physician from Boise, Idaho, if I'm getting the correct. There we go. There we go. Hey, Jamie, good seeing you. Yeah, I wore the shirt. I wear this shirt today. He's a husband. Boyfriend. Scratched out fiance. Husband. All right. Well, congratulation. Yeah, my. It's funny. My ex wife had the same shirt and one day I noticed a husband had been crossed out and it said available. How about that? Whoa. I have to ask. Where are you? Are you. Are you in California right now? I'm in Pasadena, California, and my physician wife is in the soundproof booth next to me seeing a patient. Yeah, we're doing like a room. I'm thinking. I'm thinking in a couple. In a couple. We should switch rooms. Rooms. Why don't we take my shirt off? I got a sprained ankle. I was just reading, trying to do a little background. So where are you going to be living now? Because who's going to be where? So my kids are always going to be in Alaska. And so I will always go to. I'll always keep a place in Alaska. They got their rooms up there, and I'll see them up there. And then we are living in. You got it. It's Boise, Idaho. All right. Boise, Idaho, where we have our house. And by the way, if you ever go to Boise, the first time I landed, the plane landed and I get off and the lady's got my name to drive me to the venue. And I go, hey, it's so nice to be in Boise. And she goes, it's Boise. And I go, I just got here. Give me a minute. I don't know. I gotta be so critical. Just Matt. But yeah, we're doing Boise, Alaska, and then the show in New York. City. All right. Is your wife gonna continue being a physician, or is she gonna be your bodyguard and staff physician as you travel? After looking at my tax return, she's decided to continue to work full time. She's gonna continue with the telemedicine. I have a question. I have a question for you. I feel like this is a good radio audience question. Last night, we started the tour at the Improv in Hollywood, and it was a fun show. And Erica was with me, and, you know, she's a. She's a pretty girl. And after the show, I'm saying hi to some people and this really, really drunk man with his partner, he comes up and he just staring at my wife, and then he stares at me and he goes, man, man, you out kicked your coverage. You guys heard that? Oh, yeah, sure. And I'm trying to decide, like, should I be offended or should I try to embrace it as a compliment, even though it's like, destroying my ego. And then I was like, I'm just going to let it go because between me and you guys, I looked at his wife. Look, it looks like he got a safety or at least got his quarterback sacked. Huh. Good. Yeah. It's kind of a weird compliment, I guess, at the same time, it implies that you're some kind of awful homely person that doesn't deserve this gorgeous babe. Exactly. Well, how did you do? You mind if I ask how you met your now wife? So I don't tell this very often, but this is. You guys will like this. I was opening for Rob Schneider at the Egyptian Theater in Boise, Idaho. And Boise is great, by the way. We went to see the animals at the zoo at the Sioux. And my wife is with her sister, and they're all hanging out, and she. After my set, she just goes to use the bathroom, and I'm setting up merch. And so we just started talking backstage at the Improv, you know, at the Egyptian Theater. And we talked for like an hour, and then we exchanged information. And then the first theater I ever headlined after kind of starting to sell tickets was the Egyptian Theater. And so I went back to the place I met her, and we actually sold out. And, man, everywhere I looked, you know, just all these memories, you know, I'm like, oh, man, that's where I carried Rob Schneider's bags. Yeah, yeah, that's where he slapped me for getting his intro wrong. Oh, yeah. Did you go back and see the scene? Zebra? Yeah, I'm getting in on it. We are. We are speaking and watching the great comedian Jamie Lisso. Jamie was visiting here in the studio a while back and he is certainly a brilliant comedian. And do you find it difficult because your life, you've got to be sort of at your peak every day, 8pm local time, whatever it is. When you go on stage, do you find it difficult to have to do morning radio shows and not just start cursing, get me off these. I can't stand it any longer. It's interesting. I do feel like sometimes if I do too many, like if I do. Tuesday we started doing radio tours. I did five and a half hours and on days like that I would like to not have a show because I feel like comedy tank is finite and I feel like by. By the end of the night you're just like, I'm depressed. You know, you have nothing else to say. But I have found that if I wake up and do morning radio and especially good, enjoyable morning radio like the Bob and Tom show, I do have a better day. Not to get all serious, but I find that I. My road life is better if I get up and have a coffee and then sort of like have a day where. Whatever city I'm as opposed to sleeping too much. Whatever. So I'm actually a big fan of the morning radio. I think it's. I like when I have one on the schedule. This. This is a little. A little bit inside radio. But I won't say who it was. We were talking, doing this, what we're doing with you right now. And the person did the same thing they had done four minutes earlier and I realized they probably had a little checklist in front of them for each show that they call. But after doing 10 of them. Oh yeah, it's like my ottoman bit. Here it comes. And then they do it twice. Was that the. I think I know who it was. Was it the goldfish comedian Diana? Who that was? Don't tell us his name, but just give us his website. O Jamie List has been appearing. Appearing. Sorry. Appearing in a lot of a television. Greg Gutfeld for one thing and doing a great job on that. How much prep do you have to do when you do a show like that? Do you have a select things you know you're going to do for sure or are you kind of surprised along the way when you get, you know, you get in there? My. My main prep is I'll usually. I can't speak for everyone on the show, but I usually shave my private parts and it just makes me feel weirder. I think Emily Campano does that. We all like to know Josh. Josh strikes Me as. When Emily's on, he's. Josh strikes me as a guy that watches it with sounds off. She laughs at every joke. Emily Campagna, he's my favorite guest to be on with because when I'm out with her, I'm like, I won't be bombing. Yeah. She really enjoys what you do. Do you remember what was your first national television program? Do you know what it was? You remember I did the Late Late show with Craig Kilborn. Wow, man. Yeah. And parenthetical and not of interest to anyone, I guess, but me. What's he doing now after walking away from that show before it exploded? It's a great question I have not heard from. I thought he was a. I thought he was a pretty funny guy. Yeah, he was nice. I enjoyed him as a host. That's a great question. I don't know. I don't know where he disappeared to. Get up. The real question is, do you remember your first joke on that show? My first joke was, I have a lot of free time during the day and so I've watched a lot of movies. And this is crazy. I noticed if you watch all the Star wars movies, okay, back to back in order and really pay close attention, you're a loser. Oh, yeah. Now, you've been doing this long enough that you have a certain sort of, I guess, touchstones, certain sort of. Do you. Are you under any pressure to do any sort of classic pieces of your material? Just are. Do people shout out, don't do the Star wars bit or something? Every once in a while I have a bit. I did one of those dry bar comedy specials. Do you guys know those? Pat Godwin here has got one coming out real soon. Yeah, very exciting. Congratulations. Real quick. It's like a 30 minute set. You have to be incredibly clean. And it's in Utah. I was filmed in Utah. A lot of Mormons in the crowd. And they asked me to do it and I did it. I was nervous to be clean. Super, super, super clean. And it went really well. And then the following week, we had a conference call and they go, we're gonna put your special on Amazon or the whatever, the DryBar app. And they go, what do you want to call it? Like, have you thought about what you want to call it? And I go, what if we call it Jamie? Lisso tries not to say the F word. Jamie, we were chuckling as you were setting that up because Pat has been trying to pick a name for his dry bar special that he's already filled, filmed, and we ran through quite a few of them, and we gave them two of them and they renamed it something else. Yeah. Can I. Can I throw one out there? For sure. We know each other. But I was thinking about it because I didn't go with this, but I feel like this is a good. What if you call it. Is it Mormon here? Is it Mormon here? Or is it just me? I love that. See, Jamie, I think you're using up all of your. All of your funny for the rest of the day. I feel bad for you. Wow. The next radio show you call, that's gonna just suck. That is brilliant. You're out. To be honest, you asked me a question, and I swear I was getting to the answer, and I think I forgot what you asked me, so I apologize. Okay, that's good. Jamie Lisso was our guest. Great comedian. Do you do the. Do you do the zoom thing with. With your kids and your wife or just regular phone calls? Why? Does this work? Yeah, yeah. We talk a lot on the phone. Meanwhile, I'm starting to think that I'm on the road too much because I talk to my kids so much on devices that last time I was home in person, one of my sons tried to minimize me. Yeah. And then my daughter tried to skip to the next. Dad, what is it? Yeah, I don't think anybody's funnier than you. I don't know what I'm getting. JB Listo is our guest. Just. This is again, Inside Radio. How many more phone calls do you have to make to radio show shows this morning? Today is not bad. Today I think I have nine more. And I'd like to say when I saw Bob and Tom on the schedule, I even told my wife, I go, you gotta come hang out. I was so excited to be on your show. I just love how this show, it feels like we're having a conversation. And I'm not throwing shade to any of the other stations, or maybe that's exactly what I'm doing. But I'm like, I'm talking to Bob and Tom. Everyone's got names. Josh, Pat, you know, we got. I. I think next I'm. I think I'm on Hillbilly in the bra. I don't know what's happen. Hell of a show, by the way. The bra had a boob job and the show's huge. You guys remember the last time I was on? I don't remember ever having more fun on a radio show. You guys didn't know I lived in Alaska, right? Yeah, it was great. You guys destroyed me. About Alaska. And by the end of the show, I was like, if I had done this interview before deciding to move, I wouldn't have. It's my understanding, as we speak, there is a heat wave in Alaska. Alaska. It's actually a big problem. So, yeah, it's gotten up to. It's 5, 10. Yeah, it's a huge. It is a huge problem because we don't know how to act in weather like that. Do you know we raise the toughest kids in Alaska? We. My kids go out for recess Till if it's 20 below zero, they still go out. If it's 21, they keep them in. It like, raises the heat wave. People don't. Yeah, people don't. Wow. And I think. Do you know about that ratio thing? The ratio of guys to girls in Alaska is six to one relationship, which is really awkward, especially if you don't know, you know, you don't know the other five guys. All right, I see. I fell for that one. Boy, you'll want to stick around. Coming up next, it's Allie Breen with Sexy Time. It's coming up in just a minute. Stand by. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom. Eczema isn't always obvious, but it's real. And so is the relief from Ebgliss. After an initial dosing phase, about 4 in 10 people taking EBGLIS achieved itch relief and clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks. And most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing. EBGLIS Librekizumab LBKZ. A 250 milligram per 2 milliliter injection is appropriate. Prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis, that is not well controlled. With prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies. EBGLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to ebglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with Epglis. Before starting Epglis, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection searching for real relief. Ask your doctor about Epglis and visit epglis or call 1-800-LILY RX or 1-800-545-5979. Welcome back to the Best of the Bob and Tom show on this Labor Day Monday. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. How about a little sexy time with comedian Ally Breen? It's a real artichoke fest in here. Boy, it sure is. What the hell's that mean? I don't get it either. Georgia o' Keefe would occasionally have artichokes. Oh, I'm smart and make jokes. Jokes. I just got, I just got alman. It's a barn door at a distance. I thought it was. Some artichokes are sometimes represented. Is that an emoji thing? Real vag. No, no. But they could be. Georgia, don't keep painted as a vagina. You're wearing a lot of flowers. Of course she liked them. Like looks like the front of an ed. He. Wait a minute. Hold it. I think, I think we all like them. Right? Sure. There we go. There it is. There it is. Wow. Just when I thought my intro couldn't get worse. Please, Ally. We're going to get to sexy time here in just a second but we have an email from a listener. I, I, I hope Tom can update you like he did us on the advancements in travel that have been made recently in Tom's world. Ali. I made this observation because I was at the airport in Denver for like four hours the other day. Sound like he's. And I know. And then when you know those, when you're getting a plane and they have to. What's it called? Gate. Check your bag. Yes. And so they grab your. So then when you get off the plane in the jetway, there's like, there's like eight. Everyone has, Everyone has the same suitcase. I have stutter. Everybody has. They're those things with four wheels on. Everyone has the same suitcase. I have is what he said. I'm the last one on board. I didn't know he came in here today and said did you. Have you seen these, these carry ons and A4 wheels on the bottom of it. It changed my life. Yeah. They'd never seen. And then halfway through. That's amazing. Halfway through the trip I, when I, I got another plane and I looked and if you flip them around to the side, hang on to yourself. You can also, you can drag them behind you so you can, so you can put, you can put another bag bag on that pull up thing. Well, you can put another bag on the pull up thing and still roll them on. Isn't he adorable, Ally? Yeah. Yeah. This is insane for 10 years. It's like he just woke up from a coma. So, Ally, now I did do a little bit of research. My friend Alan explained something to me, so I, I wanted to make sure it was correct. Oh, that Blow hard. This is, this is actually quite fascinating. Did you know that it's not man was on the moon. Remember what year that happened? 76. No, no, no. Way earlier. Yeah. 72. Yeah. Nope. 69. 69. Just remember, moon in your face. 69. There we go. In any event, the first patent on wheels on a suitcase came after. After that. Wheels on a suitcase. Wheels on the suitcase. Go round it. Round, round. Dear Tom, I came up with. That should get the Nobel Peace. This is from Matt. Dear Tom, I'm a fan of wheels on luggage until. Until hell is wrong with me. Until the baggage handlers toss a brand new chunk of checked luggage into or out of an airplane and snap a wheel off, making it completely effing useless as a rolling suitcase. On a recent, recent two week week trip to Florida, I had bought my son some nice expensive luggage that I felt would last him a lifetime. Oh, so nice that the wheel broke off and it got thrown once, huh? Yeah. Good stuff. Did they spell Louis vuitton Right? Those two words are not in this letter. 250 bucks down the drain, Tom. So be careful how you advance this newfangled technology. Wow. With the wheels. But anyway, Ali, the first patent for the wheel suitcase. Bernard Sage Dow, as we know, in 1970. That. Amazing. Ah, amazing. Very nice. And I guess it's debatable to a lot of people if we did put a man on the moon. So you can't use that. Exactly. Let her speak. In fact, I'm a suitcase wheel denier. There's a whole bunch of you guys out there dragging bags. I mean, it's a flat suitcase is what I think. But there are certain things you can kind of go, geez, why didn't we think of that 40 years ago? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Is it. Maybe it's wheel technology. I don't know. But I remember back in the day in which all you, the only Christy and I were talking about this. The stewardesses at the time, flight attendants now would have, they would have those little. That little rack that they. Little bolt. Yeah. The little luggage board they would lash them to and. Yep. Yeah. You know what they're still missing though? Because the four wheels that's been around when you put it like in a car or something in the back, back it, you know, rolls all over the place. On a hill. Someone Needs to make a lock for the wheels. Does that exist? I don't know. You know what I mean? Because the wheels are. Yeah. Because I've had that where you're on a hill and your suitcase just rolls away from you. Sure. Or you know, in the back of a car. Can't you just put it. Still could use some updating. Can't you put it. Put it flat on the side? Well, in the car, yes. But when you're. I. Yeah, I kind of see what you're saying. Okay, well, if you're standing there, we want to talk about. He has and woos. That's what I call. That's much better. Maybe some people. He and Sheen or He and. He and she. Yeah. What do you got for us? All of the above. Allie Breen is in New York City and I can tell you're in your apartment. You've got your. Is that a different pair of glasses? It is very observant. I got another pair of glasses, a little bit smaller. There's a little bit of a. Oh, I guess it's on the inside. They're multi color colored. Are you wearing your bikini top? No, it's a sundress. It looks like a bikini. I thought that when I put this on. We are having a heat wave. But it's not that bad. Okay, now do. Is it conducive to cooling off to not wear underwear? What? You know you want to wear underwear. You want cotton to kind of wicken it. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Pretty tiny. We don't wear big underwear like you guys do. Yeah, but you're dress with stick down there. You don't want that. I don't wear dresses except on Friday nights. Okay, Ally, let's get to our first letter. What's up? Dear Ally, my wife started getting botox and fillers a few years ago and now she's doing so much. She's getting Lauren Sanchez face. I tell her she looks beautiful. I tell her she looks beautiful regardless. But it doesn't stop her. What can I do to get this under control? Show her pictures of. There. There are. That can do a lot of damage. Is Lauren Sanchez. Cat lady. Who is that? That's. She's Jeff Bezos's wife. Oh, boy. I wouldn't be. I. I am so not into that. I would not be able to pick her up. Did you hear the chorus of witches over here? I heard the coven. Yes. Hey. No, but it's. It's very clear that she's had a lot botox and filler and. Yeah, that's Such. Well, ladies, you could answer this. What's the best way for a guy to tell you? Even let's say it's too much makeup. You look like an idiot. Just tell her that. You know damn well, here's the thing. It's just, like, when you're tanning, you. You're never tan enough once you start. And like, oh, I got to keep going. Keep going. And eventually you're like, dude, you look weird. That's right. If you don't stop it, I'm going to cut your face off. So how would you like to hear a guy say, I want them to hold up a picture of what I should look like or what I have looked like before. And they'd be like, and now you look like. Like this. Yes. Which means you look like this. Yeah. You're really giving visual examples. I. I am with Altman on this because I had Botox for 10 years, and I didn't realize how different I looked until I stopped doing it and go, okay, I looked. I look nuts. Like, there were times it was so clear and my face was so tight, I didn't even look like myself. So what would you tell this guy to say? I would say, hey, babe, look at that. This was. This was a picture of us on vacation, and we were. We were having a good time. And look how beautiful you are, Bar. You're starting to not look like you. Oh. Oh. Find a friend that's doing the same thing. Find one of her friends, like, you know, Rebecca looks like this. Ugh. Yeah. Dog her friend so then she doesn't try to compete with her. So you're saying, hold a picture next to your face and go, I want you to look like this. I want you. No, I'm Aussie. So you want a. He holds a picture next to you. Want to look like this. Yeah. And it's a picture of that Sydney Sweeney bit. No, it's a picture of her. Oh, I misunderstood. Sorry. Sydney Sweeney's broken through Tomville. It's impressive. Well, he could actually use the Lauren Sanchez picture. He's already using her as an example because that's what was going on the Internet. It's like, she looked gorgeous. She looked like Megan Fox when she was younger. And now she looks like every other cat lady. Kind of like every other woman that does Botox and filler. That's all the same face, except she can poop out money. Yeah, Yeah. I like to wipe with $100 bills. That's true. That's where it's really dangerous. If you have that addiction and all the money in the world. My God. Yeah, you'll. Yeah, that's. Unfortunately, she was much prettier before. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm not. I don't need to judge her now, but. Yeah, I'm glad you told me to. I'm just like she was. Yeah. I prefer before. Yeah. Do guys prefer women natural rather than all. I do. I. I always tell the same story. My sister. You sure do. My sister. Thank you. My sister is 81, and she still occasionally does gigs modeling. She's gorgeous. Wow. And she's. She's never had any place. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. She. Wow. But, you know, if you. But if you need it, if it makes you feel better, go for it. Oh, yeah. Conversely, I had a friend in high school. School, and this guy had had a issue with his nose, and he finally got a rhinoplasty. He had no idea you could breathe through your nose. Wow. So that's definitely helpful. Well, yeah, that. Of course. But at the same time, they. So he was stupid. They took out the. What was the. What is it? The Cyrano de Bergerac quality? Sure, yeah. Sort of. His nose was. The extra schnoziness. His nose was large and took a left turn about halfway past the first monster. God. The nose to him was what suitcase wheels were to. To. Yeah. Like, what the hell is blown? Amazing. If you're just joining us, we're talking with the lovely Ali Breen, and she likes to help others with their love lives. How's yours going, by the way? Good. Same old, same old. Nothing too exciting or new to report. Does he have tattoos? None. No. Neither one of us do. Okay. Because I was going to say, should he die, we can tell you where to get the tattoo turned into a framed picture. With that in the news this morning. No. Oh, that is creepy. Or we stay on topic and ask, what's your next. That's not sexy at all, Tom. That is definitely not sexy. Oh, God. You know what? Sexy taxidermy. Your animal. You dying and me cutting a hunk of skin off you put it up on the wall. But frame. Yuck. All right. Dear Ally, I work in a restaurant and there's a husband and wife who also works work there. The husband hits on everybody when she's not around. And I saw him leaving the back room with a new waitress looking really cozy the other day. I don't know how she doesn't see this. And she's actually sweet, and I really want to give her a heads up. I know she'll be upset if I do, but I think she'll be upset that no one told her when she finds out. What would you guys do? Maybe she knows and doesn't care. Yeah, that could be your own business. Yeah. Yeah. What are you talking about? If you go to a restaurant and the people that own it are maybe. Maybe the guy's having an affair. What do you care? Yeah, don't get involved in that since. Eat your veal parmesan and get out. Yeah, I think you're all missing the point, as usual. No, the key here is blackmail. And I think. I think if I understand the president's new economic program. Tips and blackmail. Tax free. Yeah. Time for our next. Eat free for the rest of your life. The key to this is minding your own business. But. Yeah, well, hey, maybe a tiramisu every now and again on the house, huh? Yeah. There you go. We have a bottle of wine to take home. We're talking to the lovely Ally Breen. We have time for one more letter. Ally. Dear Ally, I went on a first date with a guy for lunch. The bill came. It was about $40. He went to pay it, and I reached in my pocket, as you do, and offered to pay half. He said, no, of course. And then I said, all right. Do you want me to just pay the tip? And he said, okay. I was kind of surprised and still pretty annoyed about that. It's the first date. What do you guys think? You offered. Here's the thing. Yeah. Give this guy. Give this guy a little bit of leeway. We're kind of. Men are kind of being told to. How do I put this? To listen to women when they say something. You know what I mean? You know what I like. We're kind of being told, hey, it's not. I think Tom had this best a long time ago, Chip. Chicks are our equals now, guys. How. How assertive to be now during. Because that could have gone the other way. She could have been really insulted. Yeah, right. If he didn't take her up on it. Yep. Right. She offered twice. Let me pay the bill. Or half. Yeah, let me pay the tip. He's trying to, like, do the. Keep your mouth shut if you don't want to mind games. The first date. Yeah. The next. The second. Second date. Don't say anything and I guarantee you'll take care of it all. Yeah, it's. Yeah. So. But then, of course, you have to put out there are unspoken contracts. Certainly. I was reading this article and it was some, you know, dating this. They were interviewing this woman and she was complaining about the difficulties of Internet dating. And at some point, if you're on your 80th Internet date, maybe it's you. Yeah, yeah, maybe. I don't know, Maybe talk to a person you met. Sorry. You had to leave a tip on a $40 bill. I hope you get that $8 back sometime. Yes, at least. God, you better have left a 10. Ally, have you ever done this? Yeah, no kidding, Ally. When you were grass fed. What is. What's. No, that's not the word. A free. Grass fed is a free range dating girl. Yes. Sorry about the grass fed when she was single. Reading an egg carton over there. You're really a grass fed honey, aren't you? If you were, you ever. Were you ever on a date and the guy left a chintzy tip, did you reach into your purse and fatten it up a little bit because you felt bad for the server? Yeah, I have done that. I've gone back in and said I have to use the bathroom. And yeah. Gave a little more money. That happened a couple times when I was younger. Yes. Yeah. It doesn't have to be a dating situation. Have you ever been like at a business lunch and you offer to pay and for whatever reason they don't let you, and then, then you look at the tip and you think, oh, geez. No, but I come to this place a lot. I gotta sweeten this up. Yeah. I had an uncle that wouldn't pay on liquor. Like, he wouldn't tip on liquor because he's like, oh, it's the same as bringing a soda, bringing, you know, a glass of wine or whatever. Yeah. It was like his. And he wouldn't pay on tax. Like, he was very. So anytime we went out with him, and it was usually a group, it was like a family thing. Yeah. You'd have to sneak back in and give extra money and be like, I'm so sorry. Wasn't that an unwritten rule for a long time? It was. Yeah. That you. But I think it's. It's kind of antiquated. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's the same with bringing a plate of food. If you bring a steak or a salad, it's the same. You know, it's so. Yeah. You can't pick and choose like that. You just have to tip on the bill. It's ridiculous. Yeah. Or not even that sometimes. Yeah. If you just go in and just have a couple small salads and a drink, you just, hey, look, this, this guy or this lady, I'll give extra they're doing a lot of work. Kind. They're working. What, do you take them over exactly. But why wouldn't the restaurants just pay them more, too? But whatever. Why is it. I know that's another part of it. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. I'll sing the national. Burn it down. Burn it down. Coming up next year on the Bob and Tom show, we'll find out why Josh microwaves his socks. I have an idea. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Save big during Labor Day at Lowe's. Get up to 40% off select major appliances plus buy more to get up to an additional 20% off shop. Even more savings with three stay green, one cubic foot vegetable and flower garden soil bags for $10. This Labor Day, take care of your home for less. At Lowe's, we help you Save ballot through 93 soil offer excludes Alaska and Hawaii. Selection varies by by location. Select locations only while supplies last. See lowe's.com for more details. More of the Bob and Tom show now. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. We found out recently that Josh microwaves his socks. And how about some Yiddish phrases on a Monday morning? There's Josh Arnold with a question for the group. All right, sir. In my local listings, I had to enter this building in a torrential rainstorm. All right? I had an umbrella that took care of most of it, but it was raining so hard, my shoes and socks soaked. Do you. Will you. Do you guys mind if I microwave my socks? Yes, I have a pair of socks in my office. Microwave yourself. You can use the microwave in the back. What's your shoes? My shoe size is 12. I got a pair of 12 shoes in my office that are nice and dry. What about socks? A pair of nice, dry socks. I also have some underwear that might be a little tight. My shoes are off right now. What do you have back there, like a men's warehouse? What's going on back there? I've got about 30 shirts and so 29. I'm wearing. I. I'm moving. My office is being moved. You know, I've heard about that. What? Where are you moving your office to? Our old socks are. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, Old green room. So. Yeah, these are wet and I. I'll get you some. Well, I'm just. I'll just throw them in the microwave for two minutes. No, that's disgusting. You know what I don't have. Be worse than the cod. Yeah, I don't have a problem. Problem with that. Oh, my. Yeah, go ahead. Gee, I can't figure out my My coffee, it tastes like. What is it? I don't know. Foot powder, peanut butter and toe jam. Still wet. The tops. Particularly. Now, I've been leaving the socks on because my. I was like, oh, it's this. They will dry quicker with my body heat. Is that right? If I were to leave them hanging. Really? I don't know if that's true or not. You know what we should do? We have a fan around here. You should. Oh, many fans. You should hang your socks over somewhere and then put the fan behind it and blow them dry. Oh, yeah, I will do that. No, he's not. What's the matter? What's the problem? I don't understand what the problem is. Will you wear my wet socks on your hands as mittens? I will not. And rub them together and touch him with. All right. Okay, so I can microwave them. No, now, wait a minute. When you mentioned the word. The word plots earlier. Yes. I'm not particularly familiar with Yiddish. There's a few phrases. I just assume plots meant you were actually pooping in your pain. We know, but that's. So I. I did a little homework. Even you must admit, it does kind of sound preoccupied. There are several phrases for defecating in one's pants or losing bowel control in y. No, that's not the topic. Hang on. Let's hear them out. And. And forgive me for. For those that know how to properly speak Yiddish. I do do not. But according to this, phonetically, the phrase is shish. Indie hoisen. Oh, now do you think that sounds like a Jerry Lewis word? I'm gonna guess hoisin is pants, because. Leader hosen. Yeah. Very good. And then shish, I'm gonna guess. Well, never mind. The first three letters are a really big hint. What about. What about shish kebabs? Yeah. Does that mean. What does that mean? Now, they didn't take the mud vein out of the. Out of that pig when they tossed him in there. Anyway, what else you got? Thank you for the credit. No, there's. These are all unpronounceable for me. Okay. Well, you managed. It's. It's a phrase. It says gay kakanam. That means. That's a different way. I know. Kaka is. It means. Yeah, it means. It means go poop in the ocean. Oh, it's. It's. It's considered to be a dismissive insult, often used like drop dead or get lost. So there you go. And. Go poop in the ocean. I like it. Yeah. You're done there. No. A lake. Yeah. But Not. Not the ocean. Oh, yeah. I still don't know how you did that. I don't know whether I'm in awe or disgusted. I think I might be and all. Do you find the. The idea funny that my brothers then were casting their lures right at me as I was doing that? Very funny. Trying to hook me. You missed having a brother. Ch. There should be under brotherhood in the dictionary. There should be a picture of you and your brothers. That's that scenario. Yes, absolutely. I have no idea. I can't relate. Do you remember the story about me and my brother at Jimmy Rock? I do not. We used to call it Jimmy Rock. The was a rock. Random rock the size of an automobile right in front of our. Oh, Jimmy Rock, when are you coming back? How about that? About the giant. And it was in front of our. Our place on Lake Michigan. And of course it was one day John and I were out there swimming and I'd be really proud of myself if this had happened when I was say, 8 or 9. Sadly, it happened when I was 23. So we're out there swimming to be beautiful day. And suddenly he start. I. I kind of turn around, look, and I get his bathing suit right in my face. Wet. Wet. Yes. Okay. Water. Yeah. So funny. So. Oh, I see that. We're having a game here. So. So once again, you nudity, you homoerotic weirdos and your. Your brothers are playing grab ass in the ocean. We're having some fun. And a. And. And we were right down from Five Mile Creek. Sure. And everybody knows where that is. This family. This family comes up and they're kind of having a little picnic on Jimmy Rock right there. It's like 10ft from the water. No, we're under. We're. We're in the water below our waist, so there's no free show going on. However, then pretty soon it's like two. Two flying bathing suits. And then all of a sudden, John has got both of them. Puts his on leaves holding my suit. Suit. Yep. Of course he does. John knew exactly what he was doing. A brilliant prank. Yes. So I'm out there kind of what you do, trying to. I was trying to signal my dad at the picture. What do you got there? Cucumber sandwiches. Oh, look at Tom out here. He certainly is. He certainly is enjoying himself. Come on up here, boy. He alerted someone and. Okay. Someone brought down. That's funny. Jimmy. Oh, Jimmy Rock. Martha Reeves and the Vandals. By the way, I did find out that when you got your Gladys Knight in the pips yeah. Yeah. I found out what a pip is. I saw that the other day too. It's that indentation in a. Like a roll, like a dice or a die. It's a dot. I didn't know that. What is he talking. It's a. It's the. What they call the dot on dice? Yeah, it's the indentation. 16th of a millimeter. I was drink. Was trying to relate to those that wanted to understand what I was talking about. So my question is, what's a vandella? A Vandella thing. Martha and the Vandellas. I thought it was their last name. Martha Reeves and the Vandellas. Oh, there was a porn star named Sarah Vandella. Yeah, real hot. Okay. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Yeah. How many porn stars could you identify in photographs? The answer is yes. Get a bunch of them. I see. A vandela can refer to two distinct things. A type of dream invading ghost in a Makara folklore. Or the name of the Motown group. Martha and the Vandella. It's one of those two. Somebody hit the dictionary, had a long day. Yeah. Were they sisters? Maybe it was a family name. It must have been. No. Oh, that would make sense. No, I think they made it up. Probably were the Vandellas. That's a great idea. Probably worth worth looking into. Thank you very much. In Ethiopian folklore, a vandella is a type of demon or vampire. That doesn't really fit Motown. No, it does. You have a son named Jimmy. Have you ever played the song Jimmy Mack for him? For Jimmy? No. Why would I play Jimmy Mac for Jimmy? Now here's a song with your name in it. Honey, come here. You'll like. You have to do it today. He's just gonna look at you. What? What? What I want you to do. Get out. And we won't play it on the air. Action. So we can delight in it. My son made me laugh so hard yesterday I dropped Muffin his mom's and I get a call from him. Dad, you're gonna kill me. I left my iPad and my iPad cord in your car. Jimmy, I'm home. Yes, I'll bring it back. Of course. So I pretended I was really mad. I pulled up, gave him the long face, and I rolled the window down and handed it to me. He goes, thank you, darling. That's pretty good. Pretty good. It was perfect. Okay, here you go. The. According to Motown, the Vandellas is a reference to Van Dyke street where Martha Reeves once lived. So Martha Reeves and the Van Dyke. I guess I didn't want to go with Martha Reeves. But. But then it probably didn't mean that, right? Yeah, it meant holding back water. Probably. And you'll love this chick. I hope the Della comes from Della Reese. No way. The great jazz singer who, who Martha Reeves admired because they're throwing around great again. So they just threw Van Della's together like that. Interesting. So it's. It's kind of a. Kind of a made up name. But hey, it's cool. Teresa. Robust in. In voice and physique. Remember she big knockers? No, she. She was. She played like a ghost finder or something. Or something. And she was a Los Angeles Clippers fan when no one was going to the MOV games. Remember? Yeah. Oh. Touched by an angel that taught a lesson each and every week. That's why I never watched. Coming up next hour on the Bob and Tom show, Jess Hooker's hair and comedian Al Jackson. But coming up next, we'll do some letters. Stan, stand by. This is the Bob and tom show@blinds.com it's not just about window treatments. It's about you. Your style, your space, your way. Whether you DIY or want the pros to handle it all, you'll have the confidence of knowing it's done right. From free expert design help to our 100% satisfaction guarantee, everything we do is made to fit your life and your windows. Because@blinds.com the only thing we treat better than windows is you. Shop blinds.com Labor Day mega sale happening now. Save up to 50% sitewide plus a free measure. Rules and restrictions may apply. Hey, welcome back to the Bob and Tom show here on a Labor Day Monday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios gang will be back in here live tomorrow morning. Right now, a segment of listener letters go to the mail. You got anything over there? Dear Bob and Tom shout out show. I'm happy to report says Dan, I spent yesterday going to Sugar Town. Oh my. Oh, not Sugar Shack. We. We. No, Sugar Town. Okay, we. Nancy Sinatra. Sugar Town. Sugar Shack muddied the water. I never heard of Sugar Shacks before. Are you sure? I'm certain of my memory. Yes. I did this growing up. That was an oldie station class like a standard. Never heard it. Yeah, and I worked station this. Yeah, you're right, Josh. This is the oldest classic. Is that an actual. Oddly, I kind of remember that. Everybody calls it the Sugar Shack. Is that a piccolo mat or a Sugar Town? Sounds like it's made out of wood. Espresso coffee tastes mighty good. That's not the reason why I've gotta get back up to that sugar. What is that? What is that? Delivery was mighty good. Awful. Yeah, I know. Hey, can we take that again? More awful, please. He's addressing a three year old. I know, it's terrible. Do you ever run into that customer service person who. Hi, how are you? Are you in kindergarten? Hi. Let's. Let's just take a moment now. What's your name? Well, speaking of the Sugar Shack got this letter. It's from Paul. He goes, I choked on my own spit. While you guys were trying to sing along with Sugar Shack, people around me thought I was losing it. Keep up the good work. Well, thank you, Paul. Sugar Shack, hey, it tastes mighty. And he says, espresso. I know, he's terrible. Sugar Town was done by a legend. Sinatra. She's royalty. And that's got the. Sh, sh, sh. Sugar Town. Yeah. I don't think she's talking about a city. I think she's talking about her vagina. Oh, really? Sugar. Sugar Town. That's what sugar walls. Came the look of amazement on top. No, this is. I am so dumb. I didn't. Yeah, Sugar Town, everybody. I didn't get it. Wait, is that. And I think Sugar Shack's probably the same thing. Was it Sheena Easton? Oh, no, it's not. It's clearly about a coffee shop. Like it's one of those between your days. Mighty good. Yeah. Yeah. That's the extent. That's the. On the import, remember that we had imports. This is from Belgium. You can't get it here. Oh, yeah. Are you going to. Trying to look up Sugar Town. It's bothering me now. I've got. Well, what else would it be be about? Sh, sh, sh. I don't know. Maybe I thought there was a place called Sugar Town. A really sweet. A coke dealer's apartment. A Sweet Valley. Where's Domino's from? Domino Sugar. You only getting one channel. Yeah, yeah. Starts that way. I got some trouble Stereo. I'm going to lay right down here in the grass. Wait a minute. Wait, hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Lay down, huh? Lay down on the grass and y. Spread the news. I bet next soon all my troubles will pass. Oh, it might be. I never thought of it this way. Hit it like a speed bag. If I had a dog that like me some. What now there's a dog involved in this. I never had me a dog, but like me some beastiality. I'm gonna have to check this out later. Oh, she's saying she never had a dog. But she likes them some. Oh, yeah. Odd lyric. You know, I've never had a. A panda bear, but I like them some. I love panda bears. I would be a panda nanny in a heartbeat. I see. I might get tired of and start beating the pandas. There you go. So I just lay back and laugh at the sun. Cause I'm in. That's right. Yeah. I lay down and. Yeah, These are terrible lyrics. I lay down and laugh at the sun. What's Sugar Mountain by Neil Young about? Huh? Sugar Mountain is about a nightclub. Right. And you're. You're too old to. Is that. Is that the one? I thought it was about a big pile of cocaine backstage. What? I thought too. You're throwing two things at me at the same time. Sorry. Oh, do live on Sugar Mountain. No, that's a different one. Oh, to live on Sugar Mountain with the flowers. Oh, no. Yeah, that's. It was. I know that's. It was. It was a nightclub called Sugar Mountain. You can't be 20 on Sugar Mountain. It was a. You have to be a certain age. You have to be. It's like a teen club song. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't be 20 on sugar now. It's about growing up and aging. I don't know what this song is about, but lyrics, they don't make much sense either. She's always happy. That's kind of what it is. Banging the bean. She's always happy. Okay, well, let's. Let's move forward here if. What else have you got over there? Dear Bob, a top show. My favorite moment on your show is whenever you guys do the weenie joke. You know, left knee, right knee, knee, weenie, high knee. Do we do high? You put high. I end. I always say high knee afterwards. High knee. Yes. But he says most of the ex women I've ever been with hurt me in the money. Oh, that's from Sean. Got him in the monies. Randy says I just finished a book you might like called don't you wish that you were were dead. It's about popular songs about real life murderers or murder victims. God. Wow. Songs like Riders on the Storm. That's about a murderer? Yeah. There's a killer on the road. Oh, my God. His brain is squirming like a. No, it's about girls. No, no place. They're all about that. Oh, really? Are they? Okay. Stagger lee in Nebraska. Yeah. What about what? Indiana wants me, but I can't go back there. What's that song? Bobby Fuller or somebody. Mack the Knife. Yeah, There you go, I shot the sheriff. Yeah, yeah. But not the deputy. But you still shut the sheriff. Yeah, yeah. Dear Bob, at Top show talking about breast milk yesterday. My wife has actually used her breast milk for various baked goods over the last three years. With our two kids, she made pumpkin chocolate chip muffins and she used the milk from her hammers. Thank you, Jess. Also, you can't even taste that. It's mother's milk. I've had several baked goods with the knowledge that it was made with my wife's milk and makes no difference. Well, it's interesting because we have two stories today involving that about boob juice. Yeah. Yeah. One involving ice cream and the other about bodybuilders who are allegedly paying top dollar for breast milk. I don't know. Ice cream can come out of there. Do you have to be real cold? Yeah. Yeah. Those folks in Greenland. Oh, my God, man. Soft serve city. Yeah. We'll be finding out about both those things. It's interesting that we got of a lot letter about them. We'll be finding out about breast milk shortly. Got another letter. Okay. From John in Iowa. Dear Bob and Top show, my favorite nickname for boobs is milkers. Didn't you have sort of had that or would you. Baby feeders. Baby feeders? Yeah, baby feeders and milkers. Milkers. Use that. Use that at the house tonight, Tom. Hey, those milkers are looking good. Try that. You're doing something different with your milkers. Yeah. You know that Top really highlights your milkers. Yeah. These are all great ideas. These old things, these feeders. The women. Women prefer boobs, don't they? Or I do, too. Whatever. Whatever word. You mean the word? Yeah. Yeah. I've never really cared for the T word. I always. Much boob to me sounds better. T words always make me giggle. I don't know why. Hey, how about them? The boob seems sillier. Yeah, it does. Playful. Yeah. They seem bigger, too. They use boob. Yeah. Quite often in Bugs Bunny cartoons. Oh, yeah. As a dummy or a. Come on, let's go, Daniel. Boob. Yeah. Now, Christy, what do you. How do you refer to them boobs? My husband always says breasts. You ever say my girls? No. Your husband says breasts if you're talking sexy. What do you say, though? Yeah, that's none of your business. I'd like to suckle your breasts. Yes. Can we guess? If you get it right, will you say yes? That's Hannibal Lecter talk. I know. That's why it's so. Yes, I will suck. This is very Clinical screaming hooters. I will spew my seed. I think men have a lot more nicknames. Oh. For the female breast. Than the ladies do around talking about what we call our boobs. Do you ever say, use the word D word in conversation with your other. Like, hey, you're dating somebody new. What's his D look like? I've done that. Okay. Yeah, you say D or you say D. I, C, K. I say the word. The word. Spell it. My friends can. Josh, you're a word word guy. Love language. My love language. When I was a kid, I thought it was bosoms. Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. Plural, right? Oh, yeah, Yeah, I did, too. I think I might have up until the second thought it was bosoms. I think Isn't technically bosom just. Yeah, one pair. So if you've got bosoms, you've got two naked ladies. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Did you call them bosoms as a kid? Yeah, my mother would refer to them that way. Really? Yes. Wow. That's a whole. That's a whole other show. Hey, when your mother would refer to him as bosoms, would it go something like this? Now, Thomas, I don't need you hanging around my bridge club and staring at my friend's bosom. That's pretty close, actually. Now, Mrs. Alwerder caught you glancing the other day. Yeah, she is a chesty woman. I enjoy her hammers as well. I like how Bosom for Some has. It's just morphed slightly into bazooms. Bazookas. Bosom. Sounds kind of Shakespearean, doesn't it? I mean, yeah, yeah. I mean, you could use it for other things, too. That could be one of those words Shakespeare came up with. Right. I'll find you in the Bosom of the city. Exactly. Yeah. No, you were just doing a little bit of the Shakespeare. You actually performed it in Shakespeare Play? Yeah, a few of them. Yeah. Pat did and I did. Young man, why don't you take one of the lines you remember from that play and insert the word bosom somewhere and see if it works. Oh, how about a little Macbeth? Okay, go ahead. Is this a bosom of which I see before me, nipple toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee. Oh, yeah, there you go. I have thee not, but yet I see thee still. Nice rack and thank you. Terrific material, Beth. Reviewers said terrific. They said the Daily News had to sit through youth Shakespeare. Was that in high school or college? That was junior high. King Lear is 19. Like these summer theater camps, they weren't in the school. Didn't Put them on. Romeo. Romeo. These are my fun bags. All right. The tatas of the Capulets. Wow. Tatas makes me giggle. Obviously, when you're a doctor, you would simply say breasts. Of course. Yes, I'm breast exam. Yes, you check out my bozos. I've always heard that, that women prefer the term down there for the. The sugar shack. Yeah, that would be pretty cool. Doing like a. Like a hipster gynecologist. Hey, man, how's that sugar chef? Although a hipster, I think would use the word. Use the word. Peter. I see you get that feeling. Yeah, it matches my goatee. Oh, yeah. I used to. I tried to joke for a while in my act. That was. Yeah. You know, women who have potent ponytails, they used to say they have peace. Penis envy. Oh, oh, yeah. Right, right. It's like I have vagina envy. That's why I wear a goatee and never really worked. Yeah, yeah. You don't think there's any comedy there? I think it's fun. I think it's very funny. I do think that the goatee kind of. They're the Van Dyke with the full mustache. That certainly did have a vaginal. Right, right. Smiler. It's a cute. It's a cutie. That's why I dropped it. Yeah, I went, oh, they're just kind of smiling. We'll be right back with more of the Bob and Tom Show. Comedian Al Jackson has a segment coming. What up next? Come on back. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom. Tito's handmade vodka is America's favorite vodka for a reason. From the first legal distillery in Texas, Tito's is six times distilled till it's just right and naturally gluten free, making it a high quality spirit that mixes with just about anything from the smoothest martinis to the best bloody Marys. TABLE Tito's is known for giving back, teaming up with non profits to serve its communities and do good for dogs. Make your next cocktail with Tito's, distilled and bottled by 5th Generation Inc. Austin, Texas. 40% alcohol by volume. Savor responsibly. Welcome back to more of the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Glad to be here this morning. Here's a segment with one of our faves, comedian Al Jackson. We are looking to get fixed up with comedian Al Jackson. And there he is. How you do? Al must have been listening. Al's got a cowboy hat. Something about blazing saddles, right? Yeah. Look, I'm, I'm Embracing my true Alan Jackson this year. I'm. I'm sick of him getting all the pub he's had his run, lay down yacht or in the chat hoot. She never knew how much that muddy water meant to me. Josh is a fan. Yeah. And. And I guess. Didn't you have someone to come to one of your comedy shows thinking you were Alan Jackson, as opposed to Alan Jackson? Twice. Once in Huntington, West Virginia, at the old Funny Bone there, and once at the old. At the old Cincinnati Funny Bone. People bought tickets thinking that I was Alan Jackson, and they left saying, you know what? Like the black one better. They all said that. That's very weird. I'll take it on my website. Oh, good to know. Direct quote. Tom's been thinking about getting a cowboy hat as well. Yeah, this. Christy, this hat is from Montez, my mom's husband in South Carolina. It's a real cowboy hat. It's broken in. I love it. I wear it all the time. It's comfortable. I get it now. I get the whole cowboy hat thing. I. It's very. It fits. If you're going to get one, get a good one. And, Christy, you could get a couple and have a couple of cute ones to go with your outfits. I could tell you. I'm not going to say I don't. I have a nice one. Al, on this cowboy hat thing, I just had one question. Talk to me. Are you sure? Are we ever really sure about anything? I know, I know, but. Oh, I mean, I'm behind you 100%, whatever you decide, but how many people ask you for your autograph? Lil Nas X. I. I wish I could be a little. They're like. That must be his manager or something. Are your boots. Your boots are matty black. Yeah, it's. I would love some cowboy boots. I heard they hurt like a. Like, you know what to break them in, though. Yeah, for about six months. Whoa. You got to almost break your feet in for the cowboy boot, actually. Yeah. Yeah. But I've been urged by, believe it or not, my dermatologist to get a cowboy hat. I don't. I don't. I'm sorry. And I. I applaud you if that's indeed what your dermatologist has said, but you make up these things all the time, so if you want to count a cowboy hat, just say you want a cowboy. Don't say that. The Surgeon general. You're not curious about the backstory here? Are you going to shut down dermatologist backstory? That we all need to hear, Tom. I don't want to hear it. First of all. First of all, Al, I was actually in a cowboy hat store two weeks ago. See, we have a picture of you in one back in February. Yeah, I was in that same store. It was in. I was in Colorado, Al, and I was in this cowboy hat store. What was the name of it? Was it Shepler's? No, it's. Oh, that's a good one. No, because that place called. I think it begins with a K. Yeah, Kimosabi. That's it. It's called. No, it's. No. Oh, it's called Kimosabi, which is from the Latin for expensive. You'll need a mint. I believe it's very expensive. They give. They give you a lot of cocktails. My. My girl was getting herself a cowboy hat, and I tried some on and I. But this is. Pull this off. I'll be mocked. I'm not a cowboy. And then I got back here. I got back here. Wait a minute. I think maybe if you get a kerchief and the cowboy hat. So, Al, I'll try to talk to you because you're a reasonable human being. I. I got back here. I went to the dermatologist last week, and I have some issues with the sun and blah, blah. Behold. He tells me, get a cowboy hat. She. What are the odds? Yeah, I need to. I. Because I'll wear a baseball cap all the time to protect the top of my head. But I've got on the top of my ears. I have some issues, if you will. In fact, the top of my left ear has been sliced off, as a matter of fact. Do they make a baseball cap that has little ear flaps available? Yes, that's available at the famous story you'll never get sex again. Absolutely. Whereas you can't ask any partner to have sex with you after she's had to tell you to tuck your ear flaps in like her. That's. Her other flaps are being tucked in. Yeah. So anyway, although, Tom, that she could grab you by the ear flaps. Okay, very good. I wear a trapper's hat all through the winter. And I look very good. Yes, you do. You do look very good. Yeah. Yeah, he does. You look like you live alone. I do. Anyway, so I. I have one of those floppy hats, but it just. They just look so awful. Oh, no, you'll. Cowboy hat. I could see you transitioning to a cowboy hat. You. It's like something that you could wear every. Every day. I will say this. There's like a. There's always this, like, whole thing about. Because I remember I rented a pickup truck one time, and I loved it, and I came back and started pricing some of them. This whole, like, I want to be, like, real Americana and wear some real cowboy stuff. Like, pickup trucks are like, $130,000. Oh, yeah, they are. Everything in the cowboy world is super expensive. I'm like, I thought it was all like, hey, you get some Wranglers, Those are like 10 bucks. Get a cowboy hat you get at the general store, that's like 20. To be, like, a real legit cowboy, you need to have about 10 grand just on dispensary. Like, like, all this stuff is a real belt buckle. Like, a real one that's going to run you probably a buck fifth. Yeah. Plus, you need to win the rodeo, so there you go. Yeah. Anyway, Tom, I just sent you a picture of the offensive coordinator for the Washington football team. His name's Cliff Kingsbury, and he was. Wears this hat all the time during. During the. That's a. During football camp. And it's a hu. It's not a cowboy hat. Yeah, that's. It's. It's. It's sort of a half cowboy hat, half sombrero hat. Yeah, it's. It's all the way around. He looks great in that. Yeah. Even get one of those. You get one of those with a Bob and Tom logo on the front, you'd be. But I wasn't informed that I needed a cowboy hat until I'd actually already been in that store. I could have got one last week, but I wish your dermatologist had said you needed a sombrero. It just really stinks that we can't wear those because the super Woke people are just like, oh, that's cultural appropriation. You can't wear. I'm like, I love sombreros. You can't be a mariachi person for Halloween because I'm like, first of all, my girlfriend did mariachi all through high school. I love the outfits. I love the music. Yeah. Just ignore the super woke. That's what. That's. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, there we go. Can you imagine? Imagine Al, if I came in here with a sombrero. The mockery. If you came in here with a cowboy hat. Yeah, I know. I'm. I don't think I can even pull off a. The one chick sent me. Whatever. Whoever. That guy. Good idea. That. That hat that chick sent you. I. He said, I don't even know what they call that. I'm gonna have to find out. A lot of my My uncle wears that when he's gardening. That kind of a hat. Okay. All right, sorry. Anyway, don't let that dissuade you. It's still a good half. I think it. Chick nailed it. The only problem with the hat you're wearing right now, it looks like it's supposed to go on someone a lot smaller. It doesn't. Well, you can widen it out. That's the thing. Like, I mean, you can. You can take the brim, you can adjust it. You can make it so you look like Johnny Depp pre accusations. Or you can go post accusations. Johnny, right here. Okay. All right, well, Al Jackson, our guest, real quick. Do I have a word of the day to learn? As in the world of me trying to get slightly hip? Yeah, Tom, let's do it. Tom, why don't you tell the people. All the folks. Listen, tell us. Tell them what posted means. Posted. Posted. And we're not talking about the Internet. We're not talking about social media. Posted. I say mail deliverer. Yeah. Does it mean, like, somebody's almost like, like, official? Like that guy is. I mean, he is so great. And a running back. I mean, it's posted. You're almost saying, like, he's minted. No. That's a good guess, though. I like it. Anybody else? Anybody else? Is it kind of like posted up, or is this different than. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Oh, is it like a facial? Big brain on Jeff. Like, you got. You got in the guy's face. A facial? No, so almost the exact. It's just like, where you are, so you just be like, you know, Chick said he had to go into the Verizon store, so I just posted up right in the. Right at the Starbucks. All right. Yeah, just. Just chilling. Just. I'm just. I'll be. I waited right here. I was standing right here. I was just standing there, posted. Then this guy got in my face. It just means you're really just not moving. Gotcha. Yeah, it's usually we would say, like, do you see that creep posted up at the end of the bar? Like a guy, like, waiting to. To jump on a girl? Yeah. Jump on a girl. Women back and forth, going to the can. No, no, not him. The guy with the bandage on his ear and the bad cowboy hat. He looks so familiar. Oh, no, that's just my boss, Tom Cruise. Get a good cowboy hat, Tom. We should go sh. We. The whole show. We should, like. We should have, like, an NC2. A tournament, and we'll just like, get a bunch of hats and we'll Narrow it down to one that works for you. I. I got a picture of me trying one on several months ago. I'll. I'll post it if you will. And there we go. See if people think it's okay. Are you going to put feathers in your. Your band, like. No, I. If I get one, it's going to be very plain. I can barely. I don't think I can pull it off. Oh, my gosh. I guess we'd have to see. You would feel really weird the first day because you wear the same outfit. It would be like a week where you would hate it, and then there'd be a day where you just put it on. You didn't think about it. Embrace it, man. You gotta. I can't. I can barely pull anything off. I'd walk into my dry cleaner and the ladies all know me. They'd go, oh, hey, cowboy. I think you'd make people smile more. What about. What about a Sherlock Holmes hat? Oh, what do they call those hats? Deer stalker, I think, or something like that. Is that right? They are something like that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They're made for virgins. No, they're made just cement virgins, Tom. Oh, there you go. There's a picture of me trying on a cowboy hat last winter. Oh. I mean, it doesn't look terrible. You look like a rancher. Yeah. Yellowstone. Yeah, but I'm not a ranch. You just have to. And again, have the confidence from within. No, it's just I. I know I have to wear a hat that covers my ears now, according to my dermatologist. I really think you should get a black hat, though. I was. I was just trying that on as kind of a joke. But white hats are for good guys. Really? That was the old standard. Yeah, absolutely. You make your choice, and I'm not sure I can pull it off. I. I don't know. It doesn't look like it's too tight. Do you feel you don't like looking at that photo? No, I just. I'm not sure I can pull off wearing a cowboy hat. Right, right. I mean, you're certainly not of that ilk. Yeah, I'm not a cowboy. We don't live in a cowboy town. There's some cowboys here. I know some cowboys. Do you really? I want to be a cowboy. Yeah. Yeah. Horse people. I know horses. Horse ladies. You can be my cow girl. So what do you think, Josh? Can I. Can I. Can I pull that off? What do you think? I kind of think you can. I don't think if you. If you were wearing that like. Well, what, last weekend you went and saw Chris Stapleton. Yeah. You could. If you just walked into the concert like that, people would not think you looked. I tell you this. That's different. That's a pretty good disguise. You don't. At first glance, I wouldn't go, oh, that's Tom Radio show. A ball cap will give you away, though, because you're always in the ball cap. Yeah. Cowboy hat. We'll see. I don't know. What do you think, Christy? Can I pull that off? I like the cowboy hat. It isn't. Kind of like. You look like you're on your way to Coal City to pick up fresh horses. Yeah. How do you get. I know. Macho looking. I think it's a very macho thing. Oh, thank you. You get it in the plane. You. They come with boxes, a big box. I. I am not joking. I got on an airplane. I was carrying one for Kelly. I went up to tsa, and the guy goes, do you have an animal in there, sir? I'm not kidding. Yeah. Because the carriers look like. It looks like an animal carrier. Wow. It's like a heavy plastic thing. That's. What color was Kelly's? Who knows? You don't remember? I have a girlfriend that went to this store. Her husband said he sat and drank champagne campaign for quite a while because the bill was so staggering. The way that store works is. Yeah. They've got all kinds of distractions. I just. I took a walk around them. That. That's what he said. They have a lot of. And they add things like the band is different. You can get a different band. You can add feathers. You can get it branded. So I'm guessing that cowboy had 5, 600. I. I didn't. I didn't buy that one. I don't know. I like it, though. It looks like you're starring in the movie. The Good, the Bad and the Infirmity. I would have gone. I would have gone. The Good, the Bad and the Incontinent. Oh, yeah. I found some beautiful blue jay feathers in my yard yesterday. You could have put those in your band. Your diary. Wow. In your hat bag. What does it mean? That's a good question. What is the significance when you find blue jay feathers? There's a. I'm sure. Oh, absolutely. Yes. In your tribal custom, that means that your fall will be rich with emotional satisfaction. Oh, that's very good. Yeah. That's blue jay. That's right. Okay. Yeah. Good, good. Okay. Sparrow. Demonic possession. Yeah. Sparrow means hit by a Train. Okay, okay, good to know. I'm sorry, we need to. Oh, I wanted to ask you guys, when I was gone, did you catch this story? I. You may have done it. The headline is sloths fart. No, I don't believe we did. I don't recall that one. This is interesting for science. This comes from live sc. I, I stumbled and. Well, no then. Are they as slow as they are? Do they come out? You talk about an spd. Scientists have captured lazy to farce. Scientists have captured video footage of a sloth passing gas. Now the reason this is significant, it has long been held that slow moving mammals do not fart. Really? Yes. I mean I was not aware of this controversy. Neither was I. This was posted by zoologist Ms. Lucy Cook. And it shows part enthusiast. It shows a part time part enthusiast. The critter in question is a Hoffman's two toed sloth releasing gas while sitting in a bucket of water. She saw bubbles. Yeah, they saw bubbles and scientists for years thought that they didn't pass gas. Wow. Now it turns out Dr. Brodigam says that sloths are in fact very gassy. They eat a lot of vegetables, a lot of greens. The methane they produce can interfere with X rays and ultrasounds. Even use that gas to help them float in the water. So there we go. The. I swear to God, you're not going to believe I, I'm saying this. The Veterinarian and scientist Dr. Andre Brautigam quote, he says sloth farts are silent but deathly. Okay. Yeah. So I don't know. Doesn't, doesn't. The. I'll tell you what honey, that was slower than a Sloss's fart. Well, hang on a moment. What are you talking about? Talking about. I'm talking about a two toed sloth. Yeah. Oh, there's. Oh, we got the video. We got. They're, they're holding a little sloth and he's just farting away. There's a, Is there audio on that? Can we hear silent but deadly? Yeah, oh yeah, that's right. Silent but deadly. My God's going, what the. Can we get a picture of somebody holding. God, when you're sitting in a bath up. Somebody's holding your hands like that. Just like that poor little guy is going. I just wanted to sit here and do nothing all day. Now they're dangling me in water. I want to hang upside down. I don't want to sit here like this. Is there anything that absolutely guarantees that you're going to have gas later? Oh, oh God, yes. Anything at all. Like you can time beans. Really? Refried beans, Black beans, Baked beans. Unbelievable. Yeah, there's nothing. Broccoli. I'll go for weeks. Brussels sprouts. Are you serious? Mine's a weird one. Or this Dr. Pepper. Doctor. Is that right? That's interesting. Does it smell like Dr. Pepper? It doesn't. Huh? And it doesn't. Makes no sense. I know. Did you ever light them? Yeah. So I called it a flaming Dr. Pepper. My buddy and I did light farts once in high school and I really laughed hard. That's when I learned that you shouldn't do it in jeans. I learned that. And I also learned when I watched the flame, my buddy Paul lit his fart. The flame also went up and in. You know what I'm saying? I've seen this. Yes, yes. And he got burned a little bit. No kidding. We're coming back in just a few seconds here with more of the Bob and Tom Show. Talk about Jess Hooker's hair. It's next on the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom, ever wonder how dark the world can really get? Well, we dive into the twisted, the terrifying, and the true stories behind some of the world's most chilling crimes. Hi, I'm Ben. And I'm Nicole. Together we host Wicked and Grim, a true crime podcast that unpacks real life horror one case at a time with deep research, dark storytelling, and the occasional drink to take the edge off. We're here to explore the wicked and reveal the grim. We are wicked and grim. Follow and listen on your favorite podcast platform. More of the Bob and Tom show now on this Monday. Welcome back. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Let's talk about Jess Hooker's hair, huh? And how about some cannabis? Welcome back to the Bob and Tom program. I gotta say something about Ms. Hooker. Hi. I'm not sure exactly what's going on, but. Oh, God, it's like really confused. It's like a new disguise every time she comes in here. New hairdo. I like this new one. Kind of a Joyce DeWitt look. No, no. We were talking about this last week. She really reminds one of Rizzo in Greece. Stalker Channing. The same. Okay. But much more attractive. I like Stalker Channing. I think she's pretty. I thought she was sexy too. In that. I don't know if it was because she was in that homely kind of looks. 40 playing a 16 year old. A high school. 6 degrees of. What is it? 6 degrees of separation. She's wonderful. Will Smith. Yeah. Southern L. It's a good movie. It's a good watch. And in any event, it's kind of like you're in disguise all the time, but you're in disgust. Disguise. Is that a song? Judy in disguise. That's a great song. Okay, thanks. Look anything like. Wow, that's a dead ringer. Channing in Greece is what he was looking for. That's not true. That's not. That looks like. That looks like stalker Channing in from Aldhe, not Greece. That is one, one bad shot. Her publicist needs to be fired for letting that one out. I think stalker Channing and I are the same age. I think. Are you? Is that true? I bet she'd like you. Me? Yeah, but I bet she'd. She'd push you around in bed. I thought you were gonna say something else. I could have sworn a blowy was coming out of your mouth. Yeah. By the time they're. Oh geez. Yep, we're the same age. She's. Don't you feel like you'd go, hey stalker, this is my house. You go show me the bedroom. And then you. Oh, okay. And you would just, you'd show her and then as you walked in, she would just push you down on the bed. She's like, well, what is. Shut up. Okay. Do you like women to take. You're about to be chanting. Oh yeah, there you go. Yeah, that's the same haircut. Yeah, kind of. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Oh, now we were discussing. It's chatting time. Have you heard the big news? Tom discovered roller bags over the weekend. Like luggage. Yeah, yeah. Did you hear this interesting stat? No, no, no. Here he's not, he's not doing it justice. Easy with the interesting. He looks, he looks at me me at like hour and a half ago and he goes, hey, on this last trip changed my life. I got one of those roller bags with wheels. I go okay. He goes, you know, 90 of the luggage are these rollerbacks. What did you carry before? I know, right? One of his leather Tom had was. Yeah. Or the classic two wheeled. Sure. Okay. And he's. Was it a two wheeled. Because you're really, now you're really taken by these four wheeled that they can be upright. You push them along. Oh well that's, that's the, that, that's the game changer is that the four wheels. You can flip them, you can tilt it back, tilt them and two and then they make, they make these valises that have a, have a sleeve on them and it fit right over the handle. It's over the handle. So now you got two bags. It's amazing. You sweet, sweet man. Yeah, I'm really excited for you. The reason I noticed it is because I had to gate check one of these things and I got off the plane and there's eight identical. Yeah, they're all that same stretched out cube, fiberglass, whatever. Anyway, how familiar are you with the world of cannabis? Marijuana, reefer? Enough. I mean, I don't partake, but. Yeah, I know a little bit. Yeah. Do you know anyone that's an avid user that's under the age of 30? I'm sure I do, but no, I actually know. Not really. I don't think so, cuz Willie just turned 30, right? Yeah, 31. Okay. Yeah. I'm just trying to find out if any of them are familiar with this song. Oh, God. I looked it up during the break. This was an Easy Rider. Sounds like something from Labomba. Hey, here's a mention of something that's 60 years old. Followed with another mention of something that's 60 years Old. Guard that joint, my friend. You remember this from Easy Rider? Pass it over to me. Remember this? That great scene where they're getting Nicholson, he's still doing it stoned. And he goes, remember the campfire? And they offer him, offer him. Jody goes, oh, I. I got my own store bots. Love the word store bots. Now, are you familiar with the notion of a, of a bogarting something? Yes. Yeah. Okay, so that is, that has remained in contemporary culture as I think. Yeah, I think so. I think with people my age, I'm in my 40s, I don't know how common it is with, like you said, kids in their 20s. Does one still bogart? I have a son that's 22. I'll ask him. We'll see this, I'll use the term and see. Have you, if he calls me out, ever seen a full Humphrey Bogart movie? No. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So I mean, we may, it may be. Why did Humphrey Bogart get associated with Bogarting Joy? He was always, he always smoked right in his mouth. Okay, so it was. Hey, why. Yeah, you know, pass it around. Don't just take your time with it. Oh, okay, that makes sense. And I've always heard it used as Don't Bogart that app the appetizers. Yeah, I mean it can, but it absolutely started with smoking. Yeah, that makes sense. And there's an unusual connection I'm about to make here. Yesterday. Who did we interview? Josh the Great Danny Houston. A wonderful act. Danny Houston. Do you Know who Danny Houston. Houston's dad is? Yes. Was. I should say John. John Houston, the great film director. Do you know what film he directed? I don't. One of his first ones. I do. Maltese Falcon. The Maltese Falcon. Are you a falcon or are you Falcon? Falcon guy, I think Maltese Falcon. Falcon. They kind of say what? No, Falcon. That's a terrific movie. Okay. Really good. Have they remade it yet, I hope. No, that would be really Sweeney. And that guy who's hot, right? And it is black and white, so. Tom Holland. Tom Holland. And it's, it's about this, the, the Maltese Falcon is this black bird about a foot and a half high sculpture. Oh, okay. I had one. I found it a pawn shop when I was in college. No way. Oh, of course, now I don't know exactly. I'm not sure which one of my lady roommates tossed it in the garbage. There was a whole series of them. Yeah, but it's very lady room roommates. Maybe start with Casablanca. Okay. Yeah, that's also terrific. You've never watched Casablanca? That's a good one. I re watched it maybe six months ago and just went, my God, I cried at the end. Hell of a movie. Okay, okay. It's just so entertaining. Famous line from there are a handful in that. But the friends. Yeah, yeah. This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Okay. Yeah. Here's looking at you, kid. And played it, played against Sam, but he actually never said. Yeah, here's looking at you, kid. Yeah, yeah. You played it for her, you can play it for me. Yeah. So in any event, we'd like to find out if the Bogart phrase is still. I'll use it when I get home tonight with my son and we'll see what happens. If you're conversant with contemporary marijuana culture, please help me out here and let's. If it's changed, who would be a good choice? Great, great question. To take over Bogart. Don't, don't Snoop dog that joint. Oh, yeah, yeah. There you go. Doesn't he have a guy? That's the thing. Snoop is, I, I, I imagine generous with his weed. I mean, he may not pass his joint to you, but he'll make sure you have one. Yeah. One of your own, right? He pays a guy six figures to roll his right, Isn't that right? That was the story. Are there any young people that openly smoke cigarettes like you see in the tabloids or anything? You know what I mean? Yeah, that's a good. Like just Post Malone or. You don't see people Smoking much? The Olsen twins. You still see them smoking? Oh, they smoke. Yeah. I, I, I think they stay so thin. Lindsay Lohan still smokes, I think. I don't know why. She seems like a smoker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That, that golf, that really hot golfer. She smokes too, like on the golf course, if you guys have seen. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. No, I haven't. Hey, she's hot and she's always burning a heater. She's awesome, by the way. I'm surprised they allow that on tv. I love the phrase burning a heater. Yeah, well, the famous, there was a famous golfer of a male guy. A male guy. Jesus. A man that was constantly smoking on the tour. Okay. If you go to Google and type in pro female golfer, it finishes that smokes. It is. Charlie Hull. Yeah. Is she English? Yes. Yeah. Ah. I'm from England, so everyone smokes in England. She says she's pretty hot though, though, right? Oh, God. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's okay. She's all right looking. She's got a really round head. Okay. Who's the guy that, who, who's the guy that played Bob Dylan in the movie Timothy? Yeah, yeah, I saw him smoking. Yeah, he smokes. Yeah. Also British. Really? No, he's in Jersey. God, why did I. Tom Holland. Is he British? Yes, but I would have thought Chalamet was British. Wow. I thought he was French. No, from Jersey. I used to play poker with him. Some more of your. And we have some sporting news, including dildos in the wnba. Yes, sir. I don't like that headline. This sounds like it is disturbing to me. Post game celebration. No. Well, that's like, it's interesting you bring that up. Sounds like it's going to be rude. Tom and I were about talking, talking about it and remember, I think it was the Bills and the Patriots. They. Someone threw a dildo on the field during an NFL game and we talked about it. Right. So why wouldn't we talk? A sporting event and a dildo? Good story. No, no, it's not us talking about it so much as it seems to me the person who, if this is the case, I don't know that there's something a little ruder about it here. I get what you're saying. It gave us paw. It'll give you pause. Should we talk about this? Well, yeah, yeah, It's a sport. Yes, they're all women, but. And that's primary user of a dildo, I guess. Is it? No, not necessarily. I would think so. Oh, no, no. We always get the story about some poor loser that shows up at the er I know. With his ass buzzing. I still think more women use them than men. I wonder if I, I wonder if I could get rich if I invented the Griswold extractor. And it was a device designed to pull things out of the asses of these morons that shut, shove stuff up there and get stuck. You need the Griswold extractor. Sure, it's an embarrassing thing to have named after you, but hey, if it's a million dollar idea, I'm in. I got bills to pay. Coming up next hour on the Bob and Tom show, funny guy Joe Dombrowski and snacking in the store. But coming up next, another funny guy, comedian Derek Stroop. It's next on the Bob and Tom. Welcome back to the Bob and Tom show on this Labor Day Monday, first day of September. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Here's a segment with comedian Derek Stroop. We have another guest, Derek Stroop. Great to meet you, Derek. The listeners are writing in. Oh, awesome. Many listeners want to know what that cologne you're wearing is. That's right. Yeah. They can smell it. Oh, man. I was already given a warning about this. They were like, we didn't, we didn't book you the normal way. These guys hate cologne. I even went in to the bathroom and wiped myself down with towelettes for you very interesting people. My goodness. I have. No, no. When you hop into a cab in New York City, I bet you love the smell. You go, now this is natural. This is what I was looking for. I have, like a, a weird allergy to it. Yeah, no, he was telling me, I mean, and, and I go, I'm the worst person to miss this email because I love cologne. I mean, I put on cologne to take out the trash. I, yeah, I, I, I love, I love cologne. Is this a Southern thing? You know, I don't know if it's a Southern thing. My grandfather wore a lot of cologne. And when I was a little kid, he came and stayed like a week at our house, and he slept in my room. And I remember when he left my pillow and, and my bed smelled like his cologne for like three weeks. And I, I loved it. I, I was like, I want to wear what he wears. And so I just started wearing cologne at a really young age. Will you guys cologne up before you're on, like, a plane? Look, he's like, he's like looking out for other people like him. He's like, you sit next to people. I'm gonna tell you, you're gonna hate my answer. I put on cologne for all situation. I. I got in my head one time, I saw this real that came on, and this guy was blasting men that put on cologne to go to work with men. Yeah. And I was like this. I don't wear it thinking like that. I just wear it to smell good. But, like, I mean, I've done some blue collar jobs, and if I'm going to cut grass, your boy's going to smell good while he's on the lawnmower. Yeah. Yeah. All right. What is the. What is the name of your cologne? Well, I have to say Lifelong Intuition Fan by Estee Lauder, but they recently discontinued that, which is heartbreaking. Y' all will wouldn't understand now, but we've all been there with deodorant shampoo. Yeah. Dolce Gabbana. The one is what. Is what I have on right now. So I see it as a form of bullying. Yeah, I can tell. Yeah. Yeah. It's a real. So, Derek, when you were young and you liked your grandfather's cologne, was it weird being the only third grader wearing English leather? One time, all my friends, they invited me kind of last minute to go to a movie. My mom said I ran inside, went into the bathroom, took all my. You remember that? Polo green. Yeah, man. I mean, that's what. That's what my grandfather wore. And she said I just took the top off and I just dumped it all over my body. And she said when I came out of the bathroom, like, nobody could be within, like, 30 yards. I missed the movie. And she made me soak in vinegar. Yeah, yeah. And then I looked it up, and vinegar. Vinegar doesn't even help in that situation. Back in the day. Listen, back before the Internet, parents, we just did, like, home. You just guessed. Yeah. You didn't get to Google. My son smells like cologne. You go, I just poured apple cider vinegar. Lay down in it for a little bit. Somebody's like, I think this is for bee stings or for skunks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I love it. You know, is this the kind of cologne that you. You spray it in the air and walk through it, or is this, like a liquid you smear on? I think women spray in the air and walk through it. That's exactly. I think men spray directly. So I'm gonna step back and. And spray and. And, I mean, you know, this is a. Maybe a big moment for me where I can be more conscious of the people that are around me, you know, because now, in hindsight, if we saw maybe a smash cut of my life, there's all these people around me, like, doing that. What is. You know. Ladies and gentlemen, taking the stage. Derek's true. Yeah. And then there's one woman from Kansas that goes, I don't know. I like it. I've not smelled anything like that. That's what you want. And honestly, like, Derek, I think I relate to you clearly more than anybody else in this room. Like, being a black dude, getting ready to go to the club with other black men, it was ironing clothes and putting on cologne and getting your hair right with your waves. But there. There is, like, a male grooming routine, and I feel like the cologne is part of it for sure. That's why you were like. Even when I went to work, it's like, almost like a finishing thing. Ready to go now? Yeah. Yeah, I totally get that. Yeah. Sometimes I'll forget to put it on, and I'll be going out, and I'm like, I really. I don't have the juice right now. I don't have that thing that makes him go, okay. Your boy Stroop over there. So your. Your fiance. Yeah. She digs the. She must. Yeah, yeah, he said she must, but clear. Christy and I were talking about this. This. You. You want whatever your girl says smells good or bad, you go with what she says. Yeah, no, no, I agree. And. And that. I mean, there's been times where she's like, I don't love that shirt on you, and that'll damage you. I mean, you're the only. I mean, your opinion, you know, carries a lot of weight. You know, just wait till you're married and you go out with her and she says, get this shirt. You get it. The next time you have it on, she goes, I don't like that shirt on you. And you go, but wait a minute. You picked it. No, I didn't. Yeah. I'm sorry. That's my life. We have a comedian, Al Jackson, right over there from Denver, Colorado. And we have comedian Derek Str. From Harvest, Alabama. And why are you introducing us like this is an amateur boxing night? Because it is. Now you tell me. Get up. I clearly didn't do this one by weight class. I'd be texting Derek before the fight. Please don't hit me that hard. Texting pictures of my kids. You know, we were just talking off the air about some. Something, and Derek coughed up this trivia fact. Okay. He mentioned that he just moved to New York City. Correct? So I asked him, do you have a car? Because keeping a car in New York City, which I have done, and it's not worth it. But you told me you don't drive at all. No, I. I do not drive at all. I have. I haven't drove in 14 years. So, I mean, you know, sometimes I'll park the car in the parking lot, and the adrenaline is unreal. Yeah. Like, we'll get to Cracker Barrel, and I'll go, let me back it in, you know? You know, let me show you. Big dog. Still got it, you know? So you just. You don't like driving or. No, no. 14 years ago, I. In what kind of started my comedy career and changed my life. I got two DUIs in six months. And I say six months because it sounds better than four. And. And I don't drink anymore. Nobody has to worry about me out there. But I gave up. I gave up driving. I'd never even had a speeding ticket in my life. And I had those two. Those two incidents happen, and it just kind of shell shocked me. And. And I just, you know, gave up driving immediately, and I gave up drinking about four years ago. But what's funny is. Okay, y' all get it, but listen, what's funny about this is I tell this story about a year ago, I'm out on tour with Burt Kreischer, and we're sitting on his bus, and he goes, hey, man, how does somebody from harvest, Alabama get into comedy? And I tell him this story. I tell him about the DUIs and what type of position it put me in and how it changed my life. And I tell him at the end, I go, and, you know, I. I haven't drank in four years. I haven't drove in 14. And Bert's looking at me, and he puts out his cigar, and if y' all know anything about cigars, that's quite the commitment. And he goes, man, I. I've heard a lot of DUI stories. And he goes, they never end this way. He goes, they all end the same way. They all end with, hey, Bert, I have not drank in 14 years. He goes, you just looked at me and said, you have not drove in 14 years. He goes, derek, I think you're the first person I've ever met that gave up the vehicle and not the booze. And. And he's so right, because at the time, I can remember thinking, this Jim Beam's not the problem. This. This Camry is bad luck. I was like, I'm drinking. They just get mad every time I mean, The Camry's a V6. I don't know what they're mad at. You know, it's a decent vehicle, but. Yeah. So, yeah. 14 years. Haven't. But living in a rural area. Yeah, no, I didn't. I did. That was the toughest. Only a couple years in a rural area. And then I moved to Denver and I lived in downtown Denver, just a few blocks from Coors Field for a decade, and Uber and Lyft and all that. Definitely made that okay. Yeah. Okay. That all kicked in because. Yeah. I know a couple people that don't drive and it's, it's not easy. Seems freeing. It does, in a way, live in the right place. It seems very like, oh, if you live in a place where you can walk everywhere or if you're in New York and you can take the subway or whatever, that's great. Yeah. New York is, is a different beast. I mean, in, in, in Denver, I only Ubered and lift. And I'll be honest. I mean, you got a. Al will know this. Denver is a scooter city. Yes. And so you can run your errands and live your life in downtown Denver on a scooter. I know it's hard to raise, wrap your head around, but, but, but you can now. It doesn't. You know, when I'm leaving the grocery store and I have seven bags on the handles, it doesn't look like I'm doing great. I'll be honest. I'm doing better than I look when I'm riding, when I'm holding a gallon of milk headed down Broadway. You got to get two to balance it. Yeah. Yeah. One gallon. I'm just doing circles. Parking lot. Somebody buy another gallon now. Are you a, are you a cook? You're, you're a man of a certain size. You played football? Yeah, yeah. Do a cook for yourself. Yeah, I love, I, I, I love to, to cook. I mean, I'm not somebody that, like, I don't do any complicated recipes. I'm a crock pot guy. Pretty easy stuff. But I learned how to cook at a young age because, I mean, I, I've been a big guy my whole life, and I can remember at a young age, my mom being like, if you're going to eat at this rate, you're going to have to make some stuff. So I can remember being, being like seven years old being like, I think the baloney is ready to be flipped, you know, so I've been cooking for, for a while. I love, I like to eat more Than I like, Like, I watch a lot of chefs on tv and I don't really pay attention to the recipe. I'm. I'm there for what? I'm there for the finished, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I want to see that bite. Yeah. Oh, so you watch those cooking shows? Like, I watch porn. I just fast forward to the end. Yeah, yeah, that's. I just want the money. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's exactly right. Do you eat any unusual food? Any unusual southern type stuff? No. I mean, I tell people I'm a sodium guy from way back. I love salt. I wish I wasn't, man. Sometimes I love it. Sometimes I'll buy bologna and just suck on it, you know? I mean, I. I mean, I want to get done eating dinner and take off my socks. It looks like I still got them on, you know? Did you. Did you see that thing? It was a. It was a couple summers ago, I think. I think it was at a Yankee game where it went one of those viral things where somebody took a hot dog and they. They hollowed it out. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Straw. And they were sucking the beer out of it. So we tried that here. I didn't know you were going to say that. And I did. I did it with a. I did it with coffee. And I gotta tell you, I was quite. It wasn't bad because it was so salty. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. See now. Now I see where you're going. I would like that too, because I do love salty. Have you ever had bold peanuts? No. Oh, you would love them. I mean, they're just little sodium. Little sodium bombs. Just in a. Yeah, man. I mean, you'll stand up, you'll. You'll go, my legs are heavy. You'll be happy. I like that. We're rocking on a Monday morning. Coming up next, we'll talk about snacking in the store. Maybe a Reese cup or two. This is the Bob and Tom Show. Bob and Tom. We are back now with more of the Bob and Tom Show. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom studios. Let's talk a little bit about snacking in the store. Well, experts have weighed in on whether it is okay to snack on groceries before paying for them. Hmm. Okay. It's gotta be right. Reader's Digest spoke with Joe Hayes, founder of etiquetexpert.org and grocery store manager Angie L. And both agreed it's probably better to hold off on nibbling what's in your cart. Mr. Hayes explained that if you forgot to pay or your card gets declined at checkout Then you have cross the line into stealing. Yes. Huh? Oh, no. I like to get the rotisserie chicken while it's still hot. I finished one of those in the car. Yeah. He also says it sets a bad precedent. It makes the checkout process more difficult and messy for the employees. You ever done that where you. You eat the candy bar and you try to do the self check and you put the. You scan it, then you go to put it in the bag and. Yeah, there's no weight. Doesn't register the weight. No, I am not a. I've never. I don't snack. I don't drink. I don't either. Chick, don't you like the. The bulk. The bulk aisle? I love the bulk food aisle. I get the there about three days out of five. I'll get there about 11 15, 11, 20. Some. Some days I pull up a chair. Oh, yeah. You'll eat your fill and I'll eat my fill. Cashews and. Cashews and gumdrops. Is it okay to open a bag of chips? That's. No. That's a big no. No, no. This is. They don't have grapes in the bulk food aisle. I mean, if you're gonna do beverages. I see people do. And that's easy. Yeah. You know, I mean, you can go to a lot of stores, have a Starbucks right there in them, and you can carry a coffee with you. Yeah, you sure can, Josh. Pop open the Pringles, eat four or five, put the cap back on and stick it back up there. No, no. Yeah. I think that would be wrong. Yeah. Mr. Hayes also says there is a greater chance of picking up germs with the number of communal surfaces in grocery store. Absolutely. Yes. And I apologize. It's Miz Hayes. Joe is spelled Jo. It's a woman. Oh. Nobody. Nobody cares. I do. I don't want it to be wrong. Angie L. Who manages a grocery store in Florida, said that while in store snacking is not technically allowed. They see it all the time, and it's not worth angering a customer over. Now, Chick, you're a Target popcorn guy. I love the Target popcorn. I maintain that the Target's explanation for their success in America is they sell popcorn. But that's a. You pay for it immediately and then you snack on it while you're shopping. Exactly. Yes. Yes. They went on to say, as long as you pay for it eventually, it's not a big deal. According to the store manager, Josh, Yes. With prostitutes, do you pay them in advance or. Of course. No. No prostitute would ever take money afterwards. So then. And you don't hand it to them either. You, you, you just put it down and they will eventually pick it up with their hands. Oh, my God. Well, it depends if, you know, if you tip a little extra, they might use their ass cheeks. Have you ever picked up anything with your ass cheeks, Tom? I could say something right now, but. Is that a no? No, no. Sorry. I was just trying to make an analogy between paying a prostitute and, you know, eating a Snickers bar. Right, right. You don't eat the Snickers bar and then pay for it. Similarly with a prostitute. You did. I know. He sure did. Yeah, he did. But nobody believed that he actually did. That it was less than me at a candy bar. Yeah, good point. I think Tom's eating a candy bar while he shops. You know what? Would it be great if you went into his office and you. There's a secret stash, a secret safe behind some picture full of Clark bars or sort of the place I shop. All the candy bars are grass. They're like grass fed sawdust bars. Yeah. If you were gonna have a candy bar, which one would you go for though? I know the answer. I know. I think I know too. I know. Absolutely. It's, it's. Let's write it down. Let's write it down before he says anything. And then it's like my number 15 choice. Really? Yeah. It's not high on my list. I spelled it wrong, but. Okay. Okay, go. What? Go ahead. I have Nestle's Crunch. That's what I have. I have Kit Kat. Nestle's Crunch. Not a kit Kat guy. KitKat. That's because we're his best friends. I'm out of the top 10. I have been for about a year. Kit Kat. Way better than a Nestle Crunch. I like it. Nestle Crunch has its place, actually. Yeah, the garbage. But I was frozen. I have. The last time I ate candy, it was Reese's cups birthday. Those are great. Those are Reese cups. No, Reese's picture peanut butter cups. Show them the proper respect. It's Reese's. Yes. And it's not cups, it's peanut butter cups. In a pinch, you can eat a Reese's peanut butter cup. But ideally you need a Reese's seasonal item. Oh, like a bat. They're always better. Peanut butter to chocolate ratio is super. Have you ever picked up one with your butt cheeks? Jesus. He's the one that started it. No, but I, I, I. Now that you mentioned mention it. I'd like to. We could do. We could do it on the air tomorrow. Can we do it? Me? Pick up a. We're going back to stunts now. A little stunt. What do you think would happen with any of. How about that one weird affiliate we got? And there we go. He's picking up stuff with his ass cheeks this morning. So long as we don't say we did it in the morning. We were saying. Because of course, the. The morning. I mean, we were waiting. We were hoping we'd get this big time show. Is that right? Just. I'm just saying. So would you do it? What? Do what? No, pick up something. Anything with your ass. You don't have to eat it. Have to be. Maybe if it was a. I think I could probably do a donut. How about a marshmallow? If it were. If it were standing up for. Oh, sure. Then you'd get a little. And now can you use your hands? No. Well, you can use your hands to spread your ass. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I. Yeah, you'd have to. But you can't use your hands to close your butt cheeks. Can you imagine? Are we having this conversation? You think the joint. The joint Chiefs are sitting around and one of them's late and the other guys start talking. Do you think you could pick up a donut with your ass cheeks? General I doubt it. Don't you want to meet the girl who can't even spread her ass cheeks apart? She just does it herself. Move on. Not sure where we are at this point. I'll tell you where we are. Pick it up. Pick it up. Christy Lee. An international society known as the Dull Men's Club. That's me. Embraces the tedium of everyday life. That's right. According to the Guardian, the club now has several million members who strive to cause dullness in others on a daily basis. Cost dness While them aboard, they share quirky hobbies, obscure interests, the examination of ordinary things, and generally celebrate the mundane. Oh, so in other words, we call them podcasters. Hey, how dare. Yeah, no joke. Moderators, Bloggers. You can have this radio. Remember I told Dead. Remember back in. In the day when. Well, you know, I have a blog. You go, God, I wish I were anywhere. That is true. Now it's. Now it's a podcast. But now you. You subscribe to blogs. You have a couple blog. He does. Yeah, you're right. Can't wait to get. I do. Yeah. This was kind of a generalization. Moderators of the groups, fine ones there. Forums and Facebook groups stringently maintain the standards of dullness and warn users that even exclamation marks are far too exciting. Founder Grove Click. I'm Grove Click. Founder Grover Click told the Guardian it's a tongue in cheek humor but a safe place to comment on daily things. All right. Would you be a member of the Dole Men's Club? I can't see any way around it. I have to. I could be the president. Well, I got an article associated with with this group. A guy has been named the dullest in the world. Really? In New Mexico. Huh. His name is Johnny Meyer. Yeah. Other than the weather, New Mexico is pretty dull. I lived there for a year and a half. It's pretty in many. Pretty. Yeah, you can ski there. There's that. Yeah. I was just talking to a friend of mine over the weekend. Loves New Mexico. A lot of people love it. It's a great great. I've always loved it. Has one of the best named towns in the world. Truth or Consequences. Amazing. Did the game show come before the town or to the town? The town after the game show. Because I think they made a contest about if you'd like to name your really town Truth of Consequences. They were going to cover it in Santa. Santa Fe's gorgeous house is gorgeous. It really is. Angel. This comes to us from the Taos News. Oh yeah. 70. 70 year old Johnny Meyer of Embudo E M b u d mbudo. One of 12 people selected for the Dull Men's club calendar celebrating the the ordinary. I see there's documentation of wet floors. What? This is the kind of thing that they find exciting. Watching paint dry. Oh. Oh man. That's so they're having a little bit of fun. Mr. Dull. Okay. Congratulations. There's a photo. Don't you. Don't you. I'll be honest. Don't you honestly long for being dull? Something dull. Wouldn't you love to have a day where you did nothing? I love that it was dull. It wouldn't be a dull day. It'd be exciting. What would you do on your nothing day? You don't have to do anything. You wouldn't participate in it. You would do nothing day. Yeah. You wouldn't not. No. If you really wanted it you would make time for a do nothing day. Yeah, I try to. I. I don't believe. Don't believe. There. There are various interruptions. But even when your various interruptions are out of town you still don't do anything. I don't believe you. There's a lot of cleaning to be done. Let someone Else do it. The broom. Get. There's something seriously wrong with you being. Because you refuse to enjoy a weekend where you live in the city. You live in a hotel somewhere. That's just dumb. No. No, it's not. No, it's relaxing. There's. There's something. I love hotels. But you can't. You can't enjoy that. You. And you think it's dumb. There's something wrong with you. No, my dog. I'd rather. I'd be at my house with my dogs and my stuff. I don't believe. I. That's. That's dumb. You need a break every now and then. You can't relax there. You can't relax at your house. The man's a great white. He stops swimming. He. He dies. Yeah, there you go. And I got a pound of gr. Never swim in it. Don't have time. Have you been in it at all? Doesn't have time to enjoy his pool. I was lifeguarding all weekend. Oh. And I've been peeing in it this whole time. Just being wasted. I've been collecting my urine, and I drive over there in the middle of the night and pour it in. It's cool. Oh, it's much fun to just. To go right straight in. I pour it right into that floating chlorine thing. This is an email just received. Hey, show. It says, this is from Dennis. Hey, show Ohtani tomorrow, if Chick does pick up a Reese's peanut butter cup with his ass cheeks, I insist he feeds it to Tom. Oh, well, that's not gonna happen. But I. I also. I appreciate the sentiment. This says at the end, dictated by someone blind. Huh? Now, I don't know if he's actually blind or there. He's having a joke with us. So he. Dennis is blind, apparently. I think he might be. Okay, so am I facing the microphone so we could tell Dennis we did it and send him the video. We can make it sound like. Unless someone else. Thank you, Dennis. We appreciate somebody out there would eat your ass. Oh, come on, you guys. Peanut butter cup. Yeah, it's very popular right now. Or just. That was a terrible time to stop a sentence. Yes. What is it? What is it? Halloween? You don't have to have the candy. How do we check? You're teaching people out there. You want to hear about it? I'd love to hear about it. Jen writes in. She says, I look forward to listening to the show while dropping my son off and driving into work. I got. I get in the car, my son buckles up. Yep. I Turn the key in the ignition, the radio blares to life, and it's Chick discussing whether or not he can pick up a Reese's cup with his ass. My son, who's 8, had some questions, got this letter. Oh, I have some answers. Arthur writes, I once picked up a beautiful blonde with my butt cheeks. Oh, must have a fine ass. Very, very nice chicken. Join it. Now, we've been teasing this one about annoyances in contemporary life, and we must say, obviously, there are a lot of very serious things going on in the world. Yeah. But who cares? Yeah. But minor. Minor annoyances are much more important. Yes. They affect us. Yeah, sure. Yeah. We have. We have plenty of food and shelter. Everything's great. But I'll tell you what's bugging me. What's bugging you? That wheel on the grocery cart survey reveals the everyday annoyance answers that are causing Americans to stress out. Okay. Conducted on behalf of CBDFX, the Talker Research poll asked 2,000 adults, what are the smallest things that cause them anxiety? The small stuff that people are sweating. Include things. Spotting someone they'd rather not talk to. Oh, all right. To me, that's not small. That's a. That's a. That's huge. Yeah. Have you. Have you ever hidden from someone in a grocery. I've left. Just did it. You left. I have left a cart with stuff in it. Nice. Are you serious? I am totally serious. It was. It was me, wasn't it? No. Oh, Left with stuff in it. A loaded cart. Yeah. Abandoned it. Yeah. I ain't talking to that guy. I'm out of here. Oh, that's. Is that number one? Yeah. Well, I don't know if they're ranked, but it said 45%. Tom, was it a woman or a man? Gentleman. Okay. All right. How many people in this room have hidden from people, Walt. In this building? Oh, I have. Butler's not listening. How do I put no? It was. It was not him. It was somebody not a part of our staff. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Loud chewing at 40%. Yeah. That annoys people. That annoys me. I don't like that. These are one. These are minor things in life that are annoying. Yeah. Tom's allowed. Sure. Yeah, he is. He doesn't admit it. He eats like the Tasmanian Devil. He. Like. He's. When I'm here, I'm in a hurry. I have to be prepared for the next break. Unlike you, we're just lounging, eating. Lounging in your ass, eating grapes one at a time. How many. Barging in here, screaming. How many Breaks. How many breaks was I late to this morning as compared to you? You have been late once. Yeah, I didn't say you were lagging. WI fi is very annoying for people. I don't like that, that 40% my Wi Fi every now and then has been going out lately and it's really making me upset. Unexpected phone call. 35% everybody. You don't have to take those annoying. Nonetheless, some, some, some phone that you gotta answer. Really? Yeah. Just the other day I was. Had two dogs on. Two dogs with me on leashes and the third dog calls me. I've got the one dog in the position. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, is he pooping? And I've got the bag ready to go. And there's this really important call I'm expecting in my phone rings. Yeah. So you know what, this is a big problem. So I managed to, you know, answer the phone and yes, I'm. You don't want to say I'm picking up dog poop right now. Hang on for a second. How much you want to guess? He started talking into the bag and smeared the poop all over out of the Apple store. Certain that happened. I know it's different with people's cars or whatever, but one of my things is when I'm out of town using my gps. Then my girlfriend always calls when I'm like, you know, half a mile from the turn I need to use and it takes the GPS off of my, my thing and I'm like, stop calling me right now. I love you, but stop calling. Yeah. Yeah. That is annoying. A simple. Hey, may I please call you right back? Right. Really? Nobody gets upset at that. Yeah. Why'd you answer the phone? I do to tell them, hey, I, I will call you right back. I'm just, I'll do that before, before I'll send somebody to voicemail. You know what I mean? Yeah, you can do that automatic. I can't talk right now on the phone phone you can just hit that you don't even know about. I probably use 2% of my phone's capability. Okay. I'm a bloodite. I think my biggest pet peeve now is this survey thing. Oh, I know everything you do. They want you to fill out the survey. I enjoy it. I, I really, I. Two hour block a day catching up and hopefully participating in surveys. We'll wrap things up here on this Labor Day Monday. Monday. Coming up next, funny guy, comedian Joe Dombrowski. He is next on the Bob and Tom Show. Hope you're having A good Monday morning. This is Christopher in the Bob and Tom Studios. Let's wrap things up today with comedian Joe Dombrowski. Christy, what else? We were done with our sleep study. Well, we have a thing called Rent a Grandma. Have you heard about this? This a what? Rent a Grandma. Oh, Rent a Grand Grandma, Granny, whatever you call her. What you call your grandmother? Her first name. Lena. No, no, I did. I don't know why I called my mom's parents Grandma Grandpa, but I called my dad's parents Lena and Wilbur. What? I don't know why. And what orphanage did they pick you up from? Well, it was run by my parents, but it was an orphanage, really. Well, I'm gonna go down. It's a business in Las Vegas, actually, providing a variety of services like nannying, babysitting in home care and cooking. I imagine Rent a Grandma in Vegas, that's a little. Well, that's extra. What is it? Is the word guilf? No, guil is not used. Rent a Grandma is currently employed individuals who have a large breadth of life experience. How long did it take us to teach him? Teach him Guilph. It was like two years, Gil. What's that? I love that. Someone had to teach him guilt. That's good. Yeah. That would be the correct terminology. Yes, it would, but they don't do that. Circle. What's the F for in that? You know what a DILF is, right? Oh, yeah. There's a deal. There's a Gil for MILF and a dilf. Yeah. Wait a second. What are you. I don't. This is pretty easy. This is easy. A dad. I was. I know. Sorry. Don't worry. I don't think you're a dil. He's had all the children. No, he's a guilt. No, no, no. Here's what. He's had all the children. He's going to. There's no other reason to have sex other than to reproduce. That's. Well, he could still have more. Now, Joe, you were kind of joking earlier about the name thing, but can I ask you, have you ever considered that? Is that going to be in your future? Oh, yeah. I think I, you know, like being a teacher. I always knew I wanted to be a dad. When it'll happen? I don't know, but that's in the cards for sure. Okay. And then have you decided how you're going to do it vaginally? Personally, I think that would be the best. I mean, you want to say, aren't you short a uterus? That's what you want to Say no. I mean, he could. They could find. He's not adding up here. I can give you something. I don't know how to tell you this, Joe, but you're kind of missing the right parts for this equation. Maybe just that one. You're seat out on the street just for one time. I can give you some coffee, stirrers and some duct tape. Did you. You wanna hear something too? We did, you know, being proactive. We did go to give our special samples to make sure that they were frozen and on ice in a mini fridge somewhere in Florida, I'm sure. And when we went to do that, the nurse looked at us and she said, joe and Morgan, I'm so sorry. I only have one room. Room available. And I said, it's okay, we can go together. And she did not like that. Oh, she did not like. She didn't like that. I was like. I was actually. I was doing jokes. She said, you're not funny. I was like, well, this is kind of how I'm keeping the lights on. Comedy is relative, Pamela. But how do you know which one you use? Well, there's a thing called the swirl, right? You mix them together. Yeah, they take a little bit of my nectar and a little bit of Morgan. Oh, I've seen this one. Turn it upside down before. They give it to you. Yeah, turn it upside down. If it doesn't fall out of the cup, just like mix it in a petri dish and then they just blow it into the vagine like a dead dandelion. So you. You see you asking mean questions. Yeah, I love that. Mean. That's not mean. Let me tell you. What? Interested? I can take it. Okay. Clearly. That's interesting. And did you know that? You want to know, though? This is the thing with the whole IVF world and all that. It's all medical appointments. And I'm very nervous about this because I get uncomfortable in doctor's appointment. Like I had to get a colonoscopy last year and the doctor looked at me at the pre check and was like, this might hurt a little. And I was like, I think we're fine. I think I'm gonna make this weird. Can I come back? I know you got come back anytime. You like. To the elbow. You call that a knife? This is a knife. I hate myself. No, would you. This is. This will not be indelicate. Yes, it will. Do you look much like your. Yes. Which is so weird. When we moved in our new neighborhood, our neighbor was like, are you guys brothers? I was like, I Hope not. So the reason I'm asking. Asking, obviously. So if. If. If it was in fact a swirl, would you always walk around wondering who was the tadpole donor? No, I'm the Polish one. So just ask it a math question. If it tells you a color, it's mine. What's seven times eight? Blue. Okay, now this is a much more mild question. Are you and your husband of a similar size so you can borrow each other's clothes? Didn't think we're going there, but, yes, we do wear the same ruby slipper top. What are you asking? Bravo. Bravo. I have no idea. That would be. And what are you naming her child? Liza Manelli. Oh, there's a new documentary. Liza on Apple tv. Look at you. Look at this. The Pride Flow grand marshal over here. I dabble. You don't. You don't like my shirt? Now, what I need to know is you didn't mention this until about 10 minutes ago. Did you immediately not like it? Did you. When you first saw me, did you go, oh, why is that guy wearing that shirt? Listen. Yes. Yeah, listen, because I need to learn. The one thing you guys got to know is if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me. And it was in my head. It was stewing around in there. Aren't you just looking for the time to tell? We needed to know each other first, Josh. We needed to know each other first. Yes. Know what? Now we're friends. Yes. Yes. Okay. Being insulting is gay. Love language. Okay. That's how we do it. Thank you. You can take him shopping today. I could take him shop. You know, we all love to shop with a good bear. It's great. Yeah. Cool. Only you can prevent forest fires. Is there like a special section of Amazon? A special. And, you know, you there. The rainbow flag pops up. Welcome to Amazon. Amazon. Really? Can we also talk about this over here? Four pairs of glasses. If that doesn't tell you where I'm at right now, I like. How many eyes do you have? And how many does he lose in a week? That's a problem. I keep losing them. So, yeah, Pat's a mess. You're doing great. Keep going. Keep going. You're almost there. Pat, when you. When you hit 4, 40, you'll. You'll have that bowl of glasses at your house. Me, everyone. Not me, baby. We're doing Lasik. You can for that. Well, now we're speaking with comedian Joe Dombrowski. We've pretty much covered everything. This is going to be awkward. Oh, good. Now I Do this to everybody, but in a different way. Oh, no. So now just let me make us feel like we want to run away and never talk to anyone again. If we have a professional football player. Player. Yes. I will say, what is the best movie about professional football players? Fair, Fair. Category. 1 Best Movie about stand up comedy. Is there a good one? I'm not sure if there is one. Not a. Not a. Not a video of a comedian on stage, but a movie about right there. The documentaries count. No, the. They have to. Okay. If. To make a good. The comedian. Yes. Have you heard of it? I love that movie. I watch it once a year. I watch it once a year. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I watch it. It's like when little kids find out they have the same birthday as what we just did. I watched the comedian once a year too. Did we just become best friends? The comedian follows a younger Jerry Seinfeld after the show and how he's gonna get back on the road and start building his material again. And how he takes it from 10 minute sets in New York to clubs, to theaters, to doing it as a special. And it's just as a comic. It's so grounding to watch that and to see like somebody of that level of success do it and know that it's possible. It's very, very cool to watch. Okay. Because what was the film with Sally Field and Punchline? Punchline has a couple moments that ring true and then a couple that really don't ring true. But yeah, I was just wondering if anybody had one that was really nailed it. Kumail's movie, the Big Sick has some good stand up. Oh, that we have. I like that movie. Yeah, that movie. Good Guy. We're hanging out with comedian Joe Dombrowski, just back from Australia. Speaking of New Zealand. He was in New Zealand as well. Yeah. What do you got? Scientists captured footage of an octopus riding on the back of a shark. Oh, that's so fun. The unlikely pair were spotted in the. Is it Iraqi Gulf off the northern coast of North America? New Zealand's North Island. I don't know. Either do I. The video shows an orange hued octopus using its tentacles to cling to the back of a large short fin Mako shark as it swims. I think it's called the Gulf of America, isn't it? Aren't they that too. You know, that article was probably written, someone was just high as hell. Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. They saw an octopus on a shark and they're like, this is going in. This is the Bob and Tom show Bob and Tom. Olivia loves a challenge. It's why she lifts heavy weights and likes complicated recipes. But for booking her trip to Paris, Olivia chose the easy way. With Expedia, she bundled her flight with a hotel to save more. Of course, she still climbed all 674 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Oh, you were made to take the easy route. We were made to easily package your trip. Expedia made to travel flight inclusive packages are atoll protected.