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Kat
This is an I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.
Bowen Yang
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Amy
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Kat
While we hope Couch Talks can be a tool that helps and supports wherever you are in life, Couch Talks does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy or any mental health services.
Amy
One, two, three. All right, break it down. If you ever have feelings and you
Kat
just want some, maybe a cat got
Amy
you covered like a num brother.
Kat
Ladies and fellas, we just follow in
Amy
the spirit where it tell us from
Bowen Yang
the real stuff to the chill stuff
Amy
and the in between.
Bowen Yang
Sometimes the best thing you can do
Amy
is just stop and feel things.
Kat
This is Feeling Things Things with Amy and Kat.
Amy
Happy Thursday. Welcome to Couch Talks, the Q and A episode to the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy.
Kat
And I'm Kat.
Amy
And I'm starting to rethink if we need to call it the listener interaction episode. Because sometimes we just have perspective. People are offering, they send emails. We have some questions today, but then also we've got some people joining in on our conversation that we talked about on Tuesday because we had voicemails about the whole farting thing. Like, this has become a really big topic this week.
Kat
I was waiting for you to say the word. Yeah, yeah.
Amy
So we had voicemails on Tuesday. If you listen to the Feeling Things episode. And then today we've got some emails. We'll save those.
Kat
People like talking about it. I don't know if they like listening to us talk about it, but they like talking about it.
Amy
Yeah, it's a. It's a hot topic for us, at least in the last week and a half, two weeks or so. Question from a listener. I need help getting over a blindsiding breakup via text. I'm 36, he's 39 with two kids. We dated six months. I think Kat and I collectively could just say one word for you, loser. Like, he broke up with you via text. And y' all been dating six months. How do you get over it? Will know that you've been spared.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
Because his loser behavior was going to continue. And you, you should be thankful to be out of that relationship, which I
Kat
feel like a lot of times people say that, like you've dodged a bullet and stuff like that. It's hard to see that in the moment when you're really sad.
Amy
I know.
Kat
And so I wonder if she's looking back on this relationship with what I like to call Rosie Retrospect where you see all the good things, but you're not seeing, like, the reality a lot of times. And so maybe, you know, do some fact checking of yourself and see what the relationship was really like. And if there were other red flags that maybe you ignored because you liked this guy or whatever reason. Because it would be shocking to me if this guy was knight in shining armor and then broke up with you over text.
Amy
Yeah. Thing would be imagine really off.
Kat
Yeah. I would imagine there's other communication issues or thoughtlessness. Carelessness. That's a very careless, thoughtless thing to do.
Amy
Ghosting.
Kat
Have you been dumped? It Dumped. I must have dumped it. Have you been dumped by a text?
Amy
No, haven't. But I mean, I've been married for a thing.
Kat
When you left.
Amy
I mean, as adults, I guess in my limited dating that I've done in the last few years, I maybe could have been dumped via text. I did get blindsided that I thought I was a little more exclusive with someone that I wasn't.
Kat
Oh, no.
Amy
So then what was. I found that out.
Kat
What was the awakening.
Amy
My friend called me and said, are you still going out with so and so. And I said, yeah. And she said, well, I'm at dinner with somebody who has a date with him tomorrow. And I was like, cool.
Kat
We're not exclusive.
Amy
I didn't know how he had time to date other people. We hadn't had that talk, though. So I. I wasn't annoyed or mad. I just didn't know how he would have the time.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
Because we struggled matching up our schedules between his kids and my kids and our jobs and our. And now his other dates.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
I was like, okay. So.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
Yeah. It's just. Yeah. Poor communication on his part. And I. I like that, Kat. You actually gave some advice besides just labeling him as a loser, so that was good. At least something for her to walk away from.
Kat
I also. I also do think that ending relationships via text can be appropriate if it's not serious. Like, I've had people end things with me and vice versa. And when you're in the dating stages when it's not that serious, and it would be kind of like overkill to be like, want to come over and
Amy
talk when we're not actually really together together. Yeah.
Kat
So there's a time and a place for the text, but six months and it sounds like you guys were exclusive
Amy
and it was a breakup.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
So I think if you have to use the word breakup or we shouldn't see each other anymore, but yeah, to your Point. I guess if it's just a couple of dates, then you can do it over text.
Kat
Yeah, I don't want to go personally. If you're gonna dump me, dump me. I have that in air quotes. We've only been on like three or four dates. I don't want to meet up with you to do it.
Amy
Yeah, just.
Kat
Just do it.
Amy
Text me. Yeah, just ghost me. It's fine.
Kat
But if it's. And you can do that in a kind way, I think too. Or a phone call, which I don't even need, that some people might. But six months, you deserved more than that.
Amy
So remember that one guy? I went out with him one time and then he asked me out again. So I sent a text. I don't think we're a good fit. However I said it and he didn't respond for a year.
Kat
Oh, my gosh, I forgot about. He did. He did reach back out a year later.
Amy
He circled back. Like, I thought I was doing a kind, clear thing and I thought, this is so mature. He's probably gonna reply, hey, thanks for being so cool about this. Nice meeting you. Nothing.
Kat
What was his.
Amy
Went dark.
Kat
And then what was his response when
Amy
a year later I remember.
Kat
Was it like, all good? No hard feelings?
Amy
Yes, it was like a year later, he's like, no problem. Hope you're having a good life.
Kat
And what that means is he's trying to see if you want to go out with him again at that point.
Amy
Yeah, a year later you're going to reply. Or I thought, did his reply get stuck somewhere in like the wires, the towers in text message virtual land? And it finally came all the way to me because what an odd thing to revisit.
Kat
No, I think that he was like, I'm thinking of Amy. Oh, I never responded to her. That means that I still get to respond.
Amy
Okay.
Kat
And maybe that response is going to elic her to think about me and maybe she'll give me a second chance.
Amy
Well, speaking of communication, another question we got was about communication, but this is for a married couple, so not dating. She just said, any advice for married couples on communication? But advice explained like, we're toddlers and I'm thinking, interesting to be in a marriage and need help with communication on such a low level or high level. But just explained to you in a low level way, I feel like a tool that my ex husband and I did a lot in our couples therapy before we got divorced. Now hang on with me, because this is good for people that want to stay together. Like, there's Hope it worked.
Kat
For what? It served its purpose.
Amy
It served its purpose for us. And then I can use that in other relationships because this could be something you use in business and friendships. And it's the exercise where you have permission with each other to receive what the other person is saying and then repeat it back. And you even say the lines as cheesy as this sounds. So, like, I don't know if you want to do this with your boss. I said you could do this at work, but you might need clarity around something. I know, but I'm just sitting picturing you being like, hey, boss. So what I'm hearing you say is. And you regurgitate it back.
Kat
Well, I feel like maybe I'm not thinking that's so weird because I'm a therapist and I'd be like, yeah, okay, I love this.
Amy
But I, I feel like in some situations that might be weird.
Kat
But I think a lot of corporate worlds, they do exercises like this in their trainings and stuff.
Amy
Okay.
Kat
Like leadership training. So I think that they use I'm not corporate. I'm not a corporate person, obviously. But I think they're used to using some of this kind of communication language.
Amy
Okay, well then maybe this is totally normal in the workplace. I used it with my ex husband and, and we still use it to this day in our co parenting. But it's an exercise where the person shares something. You're quiet, you are listening. And then your only job when they get done talking is to say, what I hear you saying is. And then you repeat back what they just said. And sometimes you repeat it back and it's got your own little spin on it. And then you're more than likely going to be doing this just you and the person, so you won't have a third party there. But in our case, we had a therapist there that would, as we were getting used to this exercise, be like, you just twisted it. Go start over. And I would have to start over and really try my best to repeat back exactly what he said. And this was very helpful for us because a lot of times when the other person is talking, it's going through our little filter, like, and then we're turning it into what we think they're saying based on our filter. So then when we say it back, it's like they have the opportunity to say, oh, yes, that's you heard me, that's exactly what I said. Or they can say, oh, I don't feel like you heard me. This is what I'm trying to say. And they can either rephrase it so that you can understand it, or you just. They say it again. And then you have your job to do, which is repeating it. And it allows you to start to really listen when communicating. Because a lot of us, when we're in those situations where we're having to listen, we're already thinking of what we're going to say next or how we're going to defend ourselves or. And really it's just forcing you to pay attention and really hear what the other person is saying.
Kat
Yeah. And I liked what you said earlier when we were talking about how sometimes when you get. When you hear what you said repeated back to you, even if it's right, hearing it can help you be like, wait, is that what I meant to say?
Amy
Oh, yeah. Kat and I were talking about this and we were eating lunch before we were recording. So that was something that came up for me in the exercise. Like, my ex husband would say it back to me exactly how I said it, but then I hearing it back was like, oh, wait, let me rework that. Cause you did your part. Right. But now that I'm hearing it back, I need to say it differently. So there's that. It just gives you opportunity, both of you, to really hear and listen. So I don't know if I explained that like a toddler or like I was talking to a toddler, but if your partner is willing to sit down and do that, when you'll have to have conversations, it can be very helpful. And then you don't have to be so dramatic about it. Like, the more you do it, then you can just casually, like, it could even be you're on a phone call and your partner is saying something and you're like, okay, so what I'm hearing you say is and da, da, da. You repeat it back and they're like, yes or no. And then you move. It doesn't have to be this dramatic. Sit down where you're like, okay, so what I'm hearing you say.
Kat
Yeah. I always say these kind of conversations don't have to be like a come to Jesus. They can become normal parts of your life. How you communicate this way.
Amy
Yeah, you'll start to get used to it. Like, it'll become second nature. Yeah.
Kat
Yeah. And then we also have our intentional dialogue, which we love. I'm gonna test you. Do you. Can you say it off. Off your dome?
Amy
Yeah.
Kat
Okay.
Amy
Okay.
Kat
So this is used for conflict in general. So it can be high conflict, it can be low conflict, but it's just the easy Way to actually be concise and get what you want to say off of your chest. And I can. I can add at the end of this, when you do this, you can then have the person repeat this. So we're. You can combine intentional dialogue, this and what Amy just explained.
Amy
So, okay, so it'd be something like, when this happened, and you fill in the blank. I felt fill in the blank. And the story that I told myself was blank. What I need is blank.
Kat
And then the other person can repeat it back.
Amy
Okay.
Kat
And then they can say, did I get it right? And then you can say yes or no, and you can try again.
Amy
Perfect.
Kat
I also always add in when it said, when we do the story I told myself, you can also say the judgment I had. So the. The judgment that I had based on that. So those are two sentence stems that can be interchanged right there.
Amy
A lot of times mine's just a story I told myself.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
Because I was an example of, like, the judgment I had. Like, I felt like.
Kat
Well, it's kind of similar. It's just that sometimes it fits better with how, like, you want to say it. They're basically the same thing. So the. When you showed up late, you didn't show up late. This is. I'm making this up, guys. I. Shut up late. Actually, when you showed up late, I felt angry. You can say the story I told myself was that you didn't care about being here, or you can say, the judgment I had is that this isn't important to you.
Amy
Okay?
Kat
So.
Amy
And what I need is for you to be on time or for you
Kat
to communicate if you're running behind.
Amy
So what I'm hearing you say is you would like for me to communicate if I'm running behind.
Kat
Yeah, But I would want you to say the whole thing back.
Amy
So I'm hearing you say, when I was late, you felt like you weren't important. Is that what you said? See?
Kat
See how hard it is? I don't even actually know what I said because I made it up.
Amy
If we had real feelings involved, we'd probably be better at this. But no, it is like I. The story you tell. Told yourself is that you weren't.
Kat
You didn't think this was important.
Amy
This was important. And what you need is for me to be on time or at least communicate where I am and that I'm going to be there.
Kat
Yeah. Capiche?
Amy
Capiche.
Kat
What, you don't like that word?
Amy
I don't know. Just. Where'd that come from?
Kat
Amy just made a face. I don't know. It's popped into my head and I thought I wanted to say it.
Amy
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Kat
I turned off news altogether.
Bowen Yang
I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything.
Kat
It's the rage bait. It feels like it's trying to divide people.
Bowen Yang
We got clear facts. Maybe we could calm down a little.
Amy
NBC News brings you clear reporting.
Bowen Yang
Let's meet at the Facts. Let's move forward from there. NBC News reporting for America. This is Bowen Yang from Lost Culture Resource with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. We all know the feeling when life gets really busy. Taking care of yourself can feel impossible. That's why Premier protein shakes are my go to. They have 30 grams of protein, 160 calories, no added sugar and they taste amazing. So they're a healthy choice you'll actually want to make. It's not just for fitness. It's for getting after life. The 30 grams of protein gives you the fuel you need. It's not just for intense gym sessions. It's just for life. With the wide variety of flavors, from cafe latte to cake batter, it never feels boring. There's a flavor for everyone. I personally love the peaches and cream, but maybe you're a root beer floater, cinnamon roll kind of person. Premier Protein powers me to say yes to more. Find your favorite flavor@premierprotein.com that's P R E M I E R protein.com or at Amazon, Walmart and other major retailers.
Amy
Someone asked when is it appropriate to introduce kids to a partner after divorce. Now I went through this and I will say a book that was just recommended to me the other day. I haven't read it. I have ordered it though because while I don't have a boyfriend right now, I will be dating again one day. And it's for people dating when you have kids or and you've been divorced or you're looking at re merging two families and it's called Mix Don't Blend. And I, I can't say anything more about it because literally you can't. I literally just ordered it yesterday and it didn't look to be like hot book that they're still making a lot of. I don't know. Apparently I got it on Amazon but it's taking two weeks for it to get to me.
Kat
Well, sometimes those are the best books. You know, it's not slightly.
Amy
Absolutely.
Kat
So celebrity written guide to whatever. It's probably written by like a real, you know, qualified person.
Amy
Yeah.
Kat
It was recommended by a therapist. Yeah.
Amy
Mix Don't Blend. So I'm eager to see what I learn about mixing families and it's really from this is like the gist of it from reading the COVID is that a lot of times I think you try to I picture as like a puzzle. You're trying to like put these two families together perfectly and you've got all these different dynamics. So it more so should be that we're coming together as like a bowl of fruit mixed together instead of this perfect puzzle that you're trying to force everybody into.
Kat
Did they use puzzles?
Amy
That's me. That's all me. Because I haven't read it yet. Okay.
Kat
I was thinking it, it meant similar, like where you blend something, it all becomes like same consistency, the same whatever texture, color. But when you're just mixing it, it's. Yeah. Like a fruit bowl. You can see all the different pieces.
Amy
You still have it. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, mixing that's probably yours is better because it's actually blending. But when I, I think of us like puzzle pieces and you're like trying to force in a piece that doesn't fit there but you're trying to make it work. And that to me is where maybe some of the exhaustion comes from of trying to combine the families. But if you looked at it more like we're mixing.
Kat
Yeah. So what did you learn about introducing your kids through the process of doing it and like what? Yeah, what would tips be?
Amy
Well, I think the number one thing that Ben and I both did because he dated and I dated and both of our kids have met our partners at some point and we communicated with each other first. So hopefully if you have a healthy co parenting relationship, even if you don't respectfully, I think it's good to at least inform the person of what you're gonna do. But again, everybody's situation is a little different. So someone that might not be the healthiest answer, but for us it would be weird for the kids to just come home and be like, hey, I met dad's girlfriend and Ben didn't give me a heads up at all. So I would say informing your co parentner about your new partner before introducing them to your children is step one. If you have a co parent, I think once you know that you're in this relationship for the long haul, I think and you may have an inkling, but I would give it some time. Everybody's timeline might be a little bit different than that. But if you're someone who's like a weekend, you just knew, wait, I don't know if there's a healthy or very specific date. I do remember reading general guidelines and talking about like the six month mark but it's all relative because I'm sure that, who knows, I maybe did it at the three month mark.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
And my ex boyfriend's kids, I met each of them at. Well, I met them. I met his kids before he met mine. And that's just the way that it worked out. I was going to say I met them at different stages, but I sort of met them all in one night. But it was very quick. And we intentionally chose Halloween where the kids were out and about and very busy trick or treating with their friends. But all of their group of people, they all met on this one street to trick or treat. And he goes and walks up and down with other parents. Anyways, so it was real casual, like, oh, I get to meet dad's girlfriend. Hi. And then they're off with their friends. And it wasn't this intense sit down dinner where they're having to stare at me. Kind of like slow roll.
Kat
Yeah, I like that.
Amy
Like a drip.
Kat
Yeah. And I like the. What you're saying about there doesn't have to be a specific because it does based on your relationship and who you are and how things are going. Six months might be too fast. Six months might be too soon. I mean, too slow. So I like that you're saying, but
Amy
I would give you a weekend. Do it in the month. Get. Make it to the months. Plural.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
Like don't.
Kat
And you don't have to obviously know you're gonna marry this person. But like that you are interested in being with this person for.
Amy
Yeah. Like you feel like this is a stable. Yeah. Relationship.
Kat
Okay. I like that when it feels stable. It has to feel stable in order to do this.
Amy
Right. And I now this is. This. That time frame is how long y' all been dating. Now how long have you been divorced? Because that's another factor you need to bring into the mix. Because if Ben and I had just gotten divorced and he started dating somebody and let's say he got into it really quickly and then he's been dating her for three months now and he wants to introduce her to the kids. But that means we just officially got divorced also three months ago. That might not be the same because the kids are still processing the divorce. So that's another timing factor that needs to be at play here. But say you've been divorced for a while, then you can do the three to six months or whatever works for you.
Kat
Would you say from your experience that you would want to talk to your kids about meeting them before springing it on them? Like, make sure they know that it's happening versus yes. Oh, this guy just showed up at our house.
Amy
Or.
Kat
Oh, for sure this person's gonna come with.
Amy
Yeah, yeah. I would definitely give them time to
Kat
process it and ask if they are interested in yes.
Amy
Which that also makes me think about the kids and they're processing their age. How mature are they? So there's so many.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
Layers to this. It's like an onion.
Kat
Yeah. Introducing. Like a 16 year old is very different than a 3 year old.
Amy
Right.
Kat
So.
Amy
So there's things to consider as to whether or not the kids are ready. Definitely nuance. You feel good about that?
Kat
I feel good about that. And like, yay for getting out there and whoever wrote this question. And dating after divorce. It's hard.
Amy
We've got someone that is TTC that wrote in, which I now know what that is because Kat was trying to conceive, which I also.
Kat
You weren't TTC.
Amy
I was TTCing, but I didn't. That was 2010. I don't know that. Yeah, I wasn't that back then. Maybe 2012, actually. Social.
Kat
I don't know if it's social media because I was reading TTC on like the fertility website and stuff like that. Okay. And there was a lot of different acronyms, acronyms, acronyms, acronyms that I had to look up around ttc, but that was definitely one of them.
Amy
So the question we got is, I'm TTC and three family members are pregnant. I am sad slash jelly, but feel guilty for feeling that way.
Kat
So, okay, this is very. What I'm going to say is very simple for me to say. It's harder to digest and feel because I know these feelings can be really big. But I think this is a place where two things can be totally true at the same time. Period. Just because you are jealous of something or envy something doesn't mean that you aren't or can't be happy for them at the same time. So guilty says when we're feeling guilty, it's saying that we're doing something wrong. I would say you're not doing anything wrong here. You can be very excited for your family and a big part of you can feel very jealous, which just means they have something that you want. It doesn't mean you're resenting them. It doesn't mean that you're wishing bad things on them. It just means it's hard for you to sit there sometimes and put a smile on your face. It doesn't mean that you don't want to. So, I mean, I. I'm sure you felt this. I felt this. Of course I'm happy when good things happen to people I love. And, of course, at the same time, I'm like, why couldn't this be me? You know?
Amy
I know you don't have headphones on, but just now I went and, like. And I have headphones on for sound, and it feels really deep to me today.
Kat
Like, you're. Or our episode.
Amy
Well, I'm like, is my testosterone kicking in?
Kat
Oh, your voice.
Amy
No, the episode. I mean, it's somewhat deep. I feel like we're talking about dating after divorce and communication and marriage and ttc. Yes, there are deep things, but just now I was like, you're learning.
Kat
You're learning.
Amy
A therapist?
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
Does a therapist do that?
Kat
Well, when you're. When that's part of, like, active listening? I just did it.
Amy
It sounds so deep today.
Kat
Do it again. Well, I just don't think you normally do that. I don't think it's deep.
Amy
Well, why am I doing it now if I don't?
Kat
Maybe you're just really into what I was saying.
Amy
It's just really. Maybe the headphones are up higher or something. But there's some, like. I don't know if you're listening right now.
Kat
Okay, now you're making it, like, sensual.
Amy
Wait, what?
Kat
No, I wasn't.
Amy
I'll change the vibe real quick, and we can talk about farting.
Kat
Okay.
Amy
Okay. Here's an email we got. This is from Heather in Pittsburgh. She's 44. I love that everyone's giving us their age.
Kat
Everybody is.
Amy
I know.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
Hey there, Amy and Kat. I just finished listening to your episode about weird things people do that are in love. And I wanted to tell you my feelings about breaking wind in front of my husband. We have been married for 23 years and together for 28 years, and I can honestly say neither one of us had done it in front of each other. They've or they haven't done it in front of each other. They have been married for 28 years.
Kat
Together 28 years.
Amy
Married 23. Together. 28. That's crazy. It's not because we aren't comfortable around each other. He's my rock and my safe place. I just feel that it's very important to keep your relationship spicy and fun. And while it's a natural thing to do, no one is going to find someone else sexy when they hear them do that.
Kat
Some may beg to differ.
Amy
Kat is over here holding her pregnant belly. Her husband must think it's hot.
Kat
Well, the good news is I didn't have to think my husband is spicy to get pregnant. We happened at a doctor's office.
Amy
Okay, that's right, because you're ttc. Anyways, I wanted to share my thoughts so Amy didn't feel like she was the only one that kept that part of our lives private from the people we love. Have the day. You need to have Heather from Pittsburgh again. 44.
Kat
Okay. So we found somebody just like you.
Amy
Thanks, Heather.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
Feeling less alone. This next email don't have a name, but I have initials. Emd. Emd. Emdr.
Kat
I was like, where are you going with this?
Amy
I was like, why does EMD sound familiar? And it's because of emdr.
Kat
Yeah. Which is a little therapy joke you're throwing out there.
Amy
TTC. EMD. EMD. She's from New York and is 30. Hey, Amy and Cat. I absolutely loved this episode. I mean, but you did. We talked about more. I mean, I know this last Tuesday we were playing more voicemails about the farting, but we talked about more than farting. Like, I thought it was so cute how you admitted to wanting to bite Patrick and I'm like, is that what I need? I just need to find someone that I want to nibble.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
Yeah. Maybe because we talked about there's other
Kat
things you can do to show your love.
Amy
To show your love. Yes. I was laughing out loud when you discussed farting in a relationship. Specifically when Kat mentioned Amy's hypothetical dating profile goal of finding someone she could fart in front of. I grew up in a quote farting family where it was acceptable at home but understood as private elsewhere. In my serious relationships and especially now in my marriage, passing gas has always been a benchmark for comfort. You should be fully yourself around your partner and holding it in is definitely not comfortable. I love this email is the exact opposite of literally the last email. The first time I passed gas in front of my now husband was a few months into dating. I had a stomachache. I'm so immature. And when I warned him it might smell, he simply. He simply told me to go for it. He passed the vibe check immediately. We have now been together for eight years, married for three. We are completely open about it and often quote Shrek, better out than in. That said, we still maintain some mystery. We don't enter the bathroom when the other is using it. With the exception of my recovery after a C section. Now that we have a nine month old son, farts have become even funnier. As is even he giggles after a big Toot Cat. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I wish you all the best for a smooth and safe delivery. Amy, I hope you find someone who loves all of you. You say that part. You say it.
Kat
Amy, I hope. I hope you find someone who loves all of you. Flatulence. So really, flatulence. Flatulence included. And that you get to enjoy those fart walks together. You are beautiful inside and out and deserve someone who lets you be yourself.
Amy
Well, I'm trying to figure out which. Which version is myself. Am I. Am I emd, or am I Heather? It's tough because Heather, I was like, thank you, Heather. Yes. We don't have to do that. And then now I'm like, emd sounds fun.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
Like, just let it out.
Kat
She grew up in a fart family. Yeah.
Amy
So thank you for that, emd.
Kat
I think you reading that was the best part of the email.
Amy
That's a lot to think about.
Kat
Well, you could test this out. Okay. You don't have to know what you want to be yet.
Amy
Whoever I date, we just need to send them these episodes and see if from the last couple weeks.
Kat
I will say I was editing the video of this, the original fart episode, and Patrick. I was doing it in our. In our house. And Patrick was in our room with me. He was dying laughing at you. He was cracking up so loud. So. And. And he was shocked at first. He was like, what? And then he.
Amy
Well, and then you made a social clip.
Kat
Yeah. Yeah.
Amy
And I was like, I can't. You can't? I can't. It's one thing for us to talk about it on the podcast.
Kat
It feels private.
Amy
It does. It feels private. Like these are in social media. Well, yeah, but I feel like social media things can just pop up anywhere and people watch it and they don't know this is like, these are our people.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
And they know us.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
And if you're new here, welcome. We don't always talk about party.
Kat
We just have this episode out a lot, so. Okay. You still don't want that clip to be aired?
Amy
I don't think so.
Kat
Okay.
Amy
I don't. I think. Listen, I thought there was other farting stuff about you you could put in there, but it was about me.
Kat
Wait, funny. I said about.
Amy
We just like that you and Patrick do it. Y' all do that. So, like, that's more relatable than you. This 60 second clip about how I don't.
Kat
What was about how you don't do it. And at the end, you were like, I want that. How do I find Something like that. And it was so cute.
Amy
Okay, well maybe we can make.
Kat
The clip was about how you don't do it, so.
Amy
I know, but even talking about not doing it is embarrassing for me.
Kat
I mean really.
Amy
And it's not like I didn't grow up. I. I don't. I wouldn't say like EMD said a fart. Farting family. What'd you call it?
Kat
Yeah, farting family.
Amy
An ff. I remember later in life like my mom and her best friend Katie, which also happens to be my sister's mother in law.
Kat
Small world.
Amy
I know they would do it all the time and they just laugh and they think they were so funny. But we were more like, oh, mom, stop. But yeah, I, I do think I want. Now that I think about it, I appreciate Heather's email and I know that I'm not alone and I think I would like a.
Kat
There's kitty middle ground.
Amy
An emd. Like maybe a little bit of both. Like we don't have to do it all the time.
Kat
But yeah. And you can like, like I'm not going to be.
Amy
There's no way you're catching me say in my smell. Like never know. Like that's where EMD and I are not the same. Like I'm more Heather vibes on that. But like there's. I don't need my boyfriend to pass the vibe check with that. I don't.
Kat
You can have boundaries. Like don't do it in the bed.
Amy
Yeah.
Kat
If you have to.
Amy
Or maybe only out on the walks. Guys.
Kat
I don't know. Yeah.
Amy
How do I get past this? It's almost like I need to exercise or an activity or I have to break this. I have to break free from this. What I feel like I feel self conscious. Like there's something. I feel like watching that video, I felt so uncomfortable and I'm like, Kat, you could never post this.
Kat
What do you not want people to think about you?
Amy
I don't know because I know everybody does it.
Kat
Yes. But also a lot of people. This is the thing about that. Like a lot of people, everybody does it. But a lot of people will be like, act like they don't. Or be like that's gross. When really it is a normal thing that they do as well. But in pub, in the public eye, they act like, oh my gosh, I would never do that. You know what I mean? So I think that's. Am I making sense? Yeah, I think that's part of it is like there is a group of people that would be like, oh, my gosh, I cannot. I mean, speaking of that, we talked about the biting. We put that biting video up. I did delete a mean comment.
Amy
Oh, they said about me what they say. Wait, why do you delete it?
Kat
I turned off news altogether.
Bowen Yang
I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything.
Kat
It's the rage bait. It feels like it's trying to divide people.
Bowen Yang
We got clear facts. Maybe we could calm down a little.
Amy
NBC News brings you clear reporting.
Bowen Yang
Let's meet at the Facts. Let's move forward from there. NBC News reporting for America. This is Bowen Yang from Las Culturistos with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. We all know the feeling when life gets really busy. Taking care of yourself can feel impossible. That's why Premier Protein shakes are my go to. They have 30 grams of protein, 160 calories, no added sugar, and they taste amazing. So they're a healthy choice you'll actually want to make. It's not just for fitness. It's for getting after life. 30 grams of protein gives you the fuel you need. It's not just for intense gym sessions. It's just for life. With the wide variety of flavors, from cafe latte to cake batter, it never feels boring. There's a flavor for everyone. I personally love the peaches and cream, but maybe you're a root beer floater, cinnamon roll kind of person. Premier Protein empowers me to say yes to more. Find your favorite flavor@premierprotein.com that's P R E M I E R protein.com or at Amazon, Walmart and other major retailers.
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Bowen Yang
Hey, everyone, it's Kal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.
Kat
I really had to make a decision
Bowen Yang
because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get
Kat
teary as I'm narrating some of these sections.
Amy
And it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo.
Kat
Is this in the indulgent?
Bowen Yang
And I really thought about it.
Kat
I was like, no. At this point, it would kind of
Bowen Yang
be betraying the trust the author and
Kat
the listener have in telling this story
Bowen Yang
if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me.
Kat
And I left it on the mic.
Bowen Yang
That's great because it served the story.
Kat
People will say like, oh, my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.
Bowen Yang
Listen to Irsay the Audible and I Heart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Kat
We put that biting video up. I did delete a mean comment.
Amy
Oh, they say about me. Whoa. They say, wait, why do you
Kat
want people to see that?
Amy
It's good, though. People will come to your defense. What'd they say?
Kat
He said, well, somebody wrote a funny comment that was like, tell Army Hammer that. Which that was because I was talking for people that haven't seen the video. It's about how biting your partner is a sign of affection. And it's called cute aggression. And it's like how, like, when you see a baby and you're like, oh, my gosh, you're so cute, I want to eat you. It's like the same thing. And it was something about, like, how I must not have got, like, been nurtured correctly as a kid. And then it was like, you can tell she's been a thumb sucker her whole life.
Amy
What does that even mean? I don't know.
Kat
Something about. Then I got self conscious because, you know, I have a gap in my teeth. And I was like, does he think that that's from sucking my thumb? Because it's actually from not wearing my retainer.
Amy
Well, first of all, I think your little gaff is so cute. And I've told you that. I know multiple times. Second, I don't think he notices the gap in your gaff. It's not that noticeable. You think he was making a gap? He went completely off.
Kat
But then my point is because I'm self conscious of something, then I'm writing a story about that too. But I didn't want, I mean maybe I should have kept that up there because I didn't want people. I'm fine with the people that are like hahaha, that's so funny, cute, whatever. And then you don't want the negative feedback. But when you put something on the Internet, most of the time you get a little bit of both.
Amy
Yeah.
Kat
So if we put that other video of you up, you would. There would be a little bit of both. There would be people being like oh my gosh. Oh I would never. And then you know, that doesn't feel good. Versus our people are more like oh my gosh, that's so funny. And they could. If they're not going to do it. There's like Heather, she's saying it in
Amy
a nice kind of someone goes does licking also count? Like I licked the side of his face.
Kat
Is she doing that in a playful way or like in a sexual way?
Amy
And then I mean these comments, it's been a minute since I went to look at them. I once had a cookie smashed into my face. Is that the same what I used to get in trouble for biting my best friend when I was in sixth grade. We're still besties 21 years later. Nothing I love more than to bite my husband when he gets home from work. See, she's like you. Yeah. Army Hammer. He's. That's not. He did bad stuff. Right.
Kat
The jury is out on whether or not it was all true or not. But apparently he like made com. I think it was that he made comments about or text about wanting to like eat pe the people he was sleeping with.
Amy
Like cannibalism.
Kat
Yes, it was cannibalism stuff. And then he. I don't know if I don't know what he actually did, but it's also. I don't know that what the rolling on that ever ended up being. But regardless, I think his reputation is ruined because people when they think of Army Hammer they think of cannibalism. It's tough.
Amy
Yeah, I kind of forgot about that. But now that I pulled it up real quick, like I remember. Yeah.
Kat
And he was married at one point.
Amy
I feel like just some cannibal and assault allegations. I did see the other day, he was. Someone took a picture of him that he's the first time he had surfaced publicly in.
Kat
Oh, really?
Amy
I mean, how do you feel five years since that. So it's been five years since all that stuff came out.
Kat
Feels farther away. Yeah. I don't know how you come back from a cannibalism scandal. It's gotta be tough.
Amy
Gotta be.
Kat
Yeah.
Amy
It's not cute.
Kat
No, that's not cute. Aggression. That's aggression.
Amy
Yeah. Or something. Would you be able to eat me if we were in a plane crash?
Kat
Are you thinking of what I'm thinking about?
Amy
What?
Kat
Did you watch that show?
Amy
Oh, Yellow Jackets. Yeah. Well, I read Miracle in the Andes, which that actually is. True story. That happened where they had to do that and they were legit people, they knew, and I think I would just be good dying.
Kat
Well, here's my thought on that.
Amy
But eat me up if you need to.
Kat
Only if you had died already. I'm not gonna kill you.
Amy
Oh, no, no, no, no. Like, I. An avalanche comes down and I die, and you're dead. Yeah.
Kat
So.
Amy
And I've been preserved in the snow
Kat
like a little ice box. So my thought on that is, I feel like if you're in a situation like that, your survival brain is the only brain working. So it's not my brain right now who is like, I cannot imagine eating a human being. Like, no, absolutely not. I just take me out. But if you're in. If I'm in that situation, I don't know how my brain is going to be working. But I do know if I do it, if I did it, I don't think I would ever be able to be the same after. If I had to eat you to survive, I think I'd need some serious emdr. I know. Like, I mean.
Amy
Yeah. How do you think about those people that survived that?
Kat
It's not just a. You're. It's not. It's not even just eating a person. It's eating one of your best friends.
Amy
Like, yeah. It's crazy.
Kat
But the flip side of that is what I want you to. If I died and that was the only way you could survive, I feel like I would want you to do that.
Amy
Yeah, I would want you to eat me, too. But I understand it being difficult.
Kat
So now we have that cleared up.
Amy
Now that that's clear, if you're ever in a situation, like, you have my permission.
Kat
Okay, you guys, we should. Everybody should have these conversations with their close friends. If you're traveling or even if you're not traveling somewhere that there could be.
Amy
Cat and I are going on a trip together at the end of the month to the desert.
Kat
You never know. It could happen. So we have this out in the air. I know that's what you would want. I understand if you couldn't. But it would also be my honor to save your life in that way.
Amy
Thank you.
Kat
Yeah, I don't want to talk about this. I don't.
Amy
Now I'm like, I think I'd rather talk about partying. Well, thank you all for sending in questions and emails. You can hit us up hey there@feelingthingspodcast.com yeah, and on Instagram and TikTok we're Feeling Things podcast and you can call us 877-207-2077 and we hope wherever you are, you have the day you need to have. Byee Bye.
Bowen Yang
This is Bowen Yang from Lost Culture Research with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. We all know the feeling when life gets really busy. Taking care of yourself can feel impossible. That's why Premier protein shakes are my go to. They have 30 grams of protein, 160 calories, no added sugar, and they taste amazing. So they're a healthy choice you'll actually want to make. It's not just for fitness, it's for getting after life. Premier Protein powers me to say yes to more. Find your favorite flavor@premierprotein.com that's P-R E M I E R protein.com Paramount is now the home of all your BET favorites.
Kat
What?
Amy
Yeah, with all new episodes of Tyler
Bowen Yang
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Amy
Just make sure we protect each other.
Bowen Yang
And live sports like ufc. Welcome to the history books. New home, same family. Your BET favorites are now on Paramount. Subscribe now.
Kat
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Kat
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.
The Bobby Bones Show – Couch Talks Episode: "Baby Envy, Breakup Recovery, Marriage Communication Like You're Five & Introducing Kids After Divorce" Date: June 8, 2026
In this episode of the "Couch Talks" segment of the "Feeling Things" podcast, Amy and Kat delve into a range of listener questions and experiences about relationship struggles and milestones. Key themes include recovering from a blindsiding breakup, navigating communication in marriage (with techniques explained as if to toddlers), blending families after divorce, coping with baby envy, and the ongoing (and surprisingly deep) saga of farting etiquette in long-term relationships. The conversation is candid, supportive, humorous, and, at times, unexpectedly profound.
Timestamp: 04:08 – 08:47
Notable Quote:
"If you have to use the word breakup or 'we shouldn't see each other anymore'... six months, you deserved more than that." – Amy (07:58)
Timestamp: 09:20 – 16:59
Notable Quote:
"Sometimes, when you hear what you said repeated back to you, even if it's right, hearing it can help you be like, wait, is that what I meant to say?" – Kat (12:58)
Script Example:
Timestamp: 21:08 – 27:33
Notable Quote:
"It more so should be that we're coming together as like a bowl of fruit mixed together instead of this perfect puzzle..." – Amy (22:08)
Timestamp: 27:52 – 29:48
Notable Quote:
"Two things can be totally true at the same time... Just because you are jealous of something or envy something doesn't mean that you aren't or can't be happy for them at the same time." – Kat (28:41)
Listener Emails and Discussion: 31:05 – 39:59
Memorable Moment:
Timestamp: 44:07 – 46:58
Timestamp: 47:29 – 49:47
Memorable Exchange:
This "Couch Talks" episode is a quintessential example of Amy and Kat’s unique brand: mixing levity with emotional depth while fielding listeners’ most vulnerable questions about relationships, family blending, communication barriers, envy, and even the silliest taboos. They offer practical strategies (like the mirrored communication technique), share their own experiences, validate difficult emotions, and make space for all sides of an issue—whether it’s about communication skills or flatulence. The episode is a reassuring listen for anyone navigating love, family, and the awkward, beautiful realities of being human.