AMY: Fruit of the Spirit, Pretend Vacations, & Dating Someone with an Eating Disorder

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bobby Bones Show – "AMY: Fruit of the Spirit, Pretend Vacations, & Dating Someone with an Eating Disorder"

Release Date: June 22, 2025 | Host: Amy and Kat | Description: Dive into a heartfelt episode as Amy and Kat explore meaningful topics around personal growth, relationships, and well-being.

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Introduction to "Feeling Things"

The episode kicks off with Amy and Kat welcoming listeners to their segment, "Feeling Things," where they navigate through a spectrum of emotions and personal experiences.

Notable Quote:

Kat ([02:18]): "If anyone has ever questioned your skills, I just want to say you have them and they shouldn't question you at all."

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Personal Reflections: Energized by a Low-Key Weekend

Amy shares her recent experience of feeling unusually energized, attributing it to a restful and low-key weekend. She contrasts her typical busy routines with the tranquility of letting things flow naturally.

Notable Quotes:

Amy ([05:15]): "I am feeling energized because I had a very normal weekend... I was channeling you vibes."

Kat ([07:43]): "Sometimes the best thing you can do is just stop and feel things."

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Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit

Kat introduces a creative twist on the concept of the "Fruit of the Spirit," emphasizing qualities like love, joy, peace, and patience. They discuss the importance of embodying these traits in daily life.

Notable Quotes:

Kat ([13:27]): "I'm going to go ahead and do the fruit of the spirit hero... love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control."

Amy ([14:05]): "You have a lot of patience. Fruit."

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Pretend Vacations: Adding Whimsy to Relationships

Kat and Amy delve into the idea of "Pretend Vacations," where they act out being tourists in their own town to inject fun and spontaneity into their lives. Kat recounts a recent impromptu date night that embraced this playful concept.

Notable Quotes:

Kat ([27:26]): "Alex and I went on an impromptu date night, and we did the whole pretend like we're from out of town..."

Amy ([34:01]): "We switched places."

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Voicemail Discussion: Dating Someone with an Eating Disorder

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to addressing a listener's voicemail from Corey, who is grappling with the challenges of dating someone she suspects has an eating disorder, specifically ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder).

Corey’s Voicemail Highlights:

• Corey ([37:36 - 39:33]): Discusses her relationship with a kind and considerate man in his 50s who exhibits restrictive eating habits resembling ARFID.
• Concerns about whether ARFID constitutes an eating disorder and its impact on a potential future marriage.

Host Responses and Insights:

Understanding ARFID: Amy provides a comprehensive overview of ARFID, differentiating it from other eating disorders by emphasizing that it is not typically related to body image but rather to sensory issues, traumatic experiences, or medical problems that lead to restricted food intake.

Notable Quotes:

Amy ([41:02]): "ARFID stands for avoidant restrictive food intake disorder... it's rooted in sensory issues... textures or smells... traumatic experiences."

Navigating the Relationship: Kat and Amy discuss strategies for Corey to assess whether she can accept her partner's eating habits and whether they should seek professional help. They emphasize the importance of open communication, compassion, and setting personal boundaries.

Notable Quotes:

Kat ([46:31]): "We've talked about radical acceptance... how do I want to come alongside and live with it?"

Amy ([52:31]): "Recognizing that, oh, that doesn't have to be my reality."

Final Thoughts on the Topic: The hosts encourage listeners to approach such sensitive situations with empathy and understanding, highlighting that seeking professional guidance can be beneficial for both partners.

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Listener Engagement: Mail from Finland

Towards the end of the episode, Amy and Kat read an appreciative email from Mila in Finland, showcasing the podcast's international reach. They express gratitude and share a light-hearted moment discussing their global listeners.

Notable Quote:

Mila ([55:26 - 56:03]): "I really like feeling things. Also, P.S. I know Amy wanted to explore new places. You should totally visit Finland someday. I think you would love it."

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Closing Remarks and Community Interaction

The episode concludes with Amy and Kat encouraging listeners to engage through comments, emails, and social media, fostering a sense of community. They highlight the importance of pausing and feeling emotions, tying back to the episode's theme.

Notable Quotes:

Kat ([57:02]): "We often say that the most powerful thing you can do is pause and feel things."

Amy ([58:18]): "We hope you have the day you need to have."

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Key Takeaways

1. Embracing Emotions: The hosts advocate for acknowledging and feeling a wide range of emotions as a path to personal growth.
2. Fruit of the Spirit: Incorporating virtues like patience and kindness can enhance personal and relational well-being.
3. Pretend Vacations: Introducing playful and spontaneous activities can rejuvenate relationships and break the monotony of daily routines.
4. Supporting Partners with ARFID: Understanding and compassion are crucial when navigating relationships affected by eating disorders. Open communication and professional support can facilitate healthier dynamics.
5. Global Community: The podcast enjoys a diverse listener base, emphasizing the universal relevance of its topics.

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This episode of "The Bobby Bones Show" masterfully blends personal anecdotes with expert insights, providing listeners with both relatable content and practical advice. Whether navigating personal emotions, enhancing relationships, or supporting loved ones with eating disorders, Amy and Kat offer valuable perspectives that resonate widely.

Transcript

[Amy]

This is an I Heart podcast.

[Kat]

Did you know that women are more likely than men to develop dry eyes and that it might be linked to hormonal changes during your cycle or after menopause? Well, I didn't realize that that could be part of what's going on with my eyes, but lately I've been dealing with dryness and irritation, especially after long days on my computer or my phone, if you know what I'm talking about. Your dry eyes deserve Extra Refresh Relieva PF Extra is an advanced formula that works fast to soothe, comfort and protect dry eyes. Refresh Relieva PF Extra is safe to use as often as needed. Find Refresh online or in the eye drop section at all major retailers. If you've listened to the four Things podcast for a while, you know how important acceptance is when it comes to personal growth. And you know who else is big on acceptance? Discover. Yeah, you see, Discover is accepted at 99 of places that take credit cards nationwide. That's a whole lot of places and a whole lot of acceptance, which is great for Discover, but even better for you. Based on the February 2024 Nielsen report. Learn more at discover.com Credit Card Oikos.

[Steve]

Presents 15 Seconds of Strength. Here we go. Steve's got a trunk full of groceries and no one to help him. Oh, that's tough. Jim looks like a five trip load at least. He grabs the first bag the second bob. It looks like he's trying to do it all in one trip. He shimmies the door open, steps over the dog. Oh, and he stumbles. Oh, right into the kitchen without missing a beat. Jim. Now that's a man who eats his protein packed Oikos. With 15 grams of complete protein in each cup. Oikos Triple Zero can help build strength for every day. Oikos stronger makes everything better.

[Kat]

1, 2, 3.

[Amy]

Hey.

[Kat]

Alright, break it down.

[Amy]

If you ever have feelings and you.

[Kat]

Just want some, maybe a cat got.

[Amy]

You covered like a nun on brother. Ladies and fellas, we just follow in the spirit where it tell us.

[Kat]

From the real stuff to the chill stuff and the in between, sometimes the best thing you can do is just stop and feel things.

[Amy]

This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat.

[Kat]

Happy Tuesday. Welcome to Feeling Things. I'm Amy. And I'm Kat and I just like to start out the episode with a little cat brag. A brag about cat.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

Like if anyone has ever questioned your skills, I just want to say you have them and they shouldn't question you at all. So we have a Listener voicemail coming up that we're going to play in the episode. And the topic of it is marrying someone with an eating disorder. And it's a female listener. Like, when I was just reading the transcript, it's from Corey, and I got all excited. We have a voicemail from a male listener. And I was like, and I think he's marrying someone with an eating disorder. Which. Unfair of me. I saw Corey, I thought, man, I thought, woman with the eating disorder. Well, then we hit the voicemail, and I heard a female voice, and I was like, oh. And then I think I said, well, maybe she's a lesbian. And then I was like, okay, no.

[Amy]

Men can have eating disorders.

[Kat]

Yes. Is this a reminder that men can have stuff with food and body and all the things. We know that. But as we're listening to the voicemail, because we listened to the entire thing before we started recording, and Kat just goes, oh, sounds like arfid. Is that how you say it? Then the listener. Well, y' all will hear coming up in the voicemail. But there was a moment where immediately after you said that, the listener says something, and I was like. I looked at Kat and I was like, dang, you're good. And you're like, no, I'm just using the things that I've learned to put two and two together. She literally was describing something, and I. I shared my opinion. Now, obviously, as a therapist on this podcast, you're never diagnosing anybody with anything, because you can't. They're not your client. And what's that book? The DSM 5.

[Amy]

Diagnostic Statistical Manual 5. We're on 5.

[Kat]

DSM 5?

[Amy]

Yeah. We need a 6 soon, which I don't know when that's coming out, but I think it's funny that you were like, oh, my gosh. You knew that when that was a. To me, it's just. That's basic.

[Kat]

So it sounded advanced.

[Amy]

Hope that you would think I have basic knowledge.

[Kat]

You. You have basic and advanced knowledge. I just would say, I'm impressed.

[Amy]

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause. Thank you.

[Kat]

There we go. Which, that reminds me, I complimented something to my boyfriend the other day, and I guess he listened to that episode or he saw the social clip or something, because I gave him a compliment, and he looked at me and he was like, thank you. Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause.

[Amy]

And I was like, oh, that's now part of it.

[Kat]

You're cute. Yeah, thank you. Because that's what you're supposed to do. Someone compliments you, even if it Feels backhanded. Because that wasn't, that's.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Wasn't my intention to be like, oh, man, cat's so smart. And you're like, amy, that's basic. Obviously, I have basic skills. I just was impressed.

[Amy]

Thank you.

[Kat]

You're welcome. Pause, pause, pause.

[Amy]

We have to work on how to say you're welcome to somebody because you just want to keep going and talk.

[Kat]

And then I just have to be like, wow, she accepted it. Okay.

[Amy]

And I can move on.

[Kat]

And I can just say, de nada. We're going to get to the feeling of the day, which is from you.

[Amy]

Yes, I have it. I am feeling energized. And I'm feeling energized because I had a very normal weekend. Which is funny because I still did things. It's not like I didn't leave my house, but we did very low key things. This morning I woke up early, like before my alarm. I was like, oh, wanted to, like, get things started. Was folding my laundry before I was getting ready. And then I was, you know, as you do in the morning, scrolling Instagram.

[Kat]

You're not supposed to do that. You're a therapist. You should.

[Amy]

No, remember I said that doom scrolling. Which I wasn't doing scrolling. I was just taking a break. Scrolling isn't always bad.

[Kat]

You've said that like on a previous episode.

[Amy]

Yeah. So I came across this meme and it said we should be able to call in healthy to work. And then it had in quotes, look, I am not coming in today. I feel good and I don't want to waste it on being at work.

[Kat]

Right. Like, I feel awesome. And if I'm at work, what a waste.

[Amy]

Well, my thought was like, okay, why do we only get to call out of work when we're not feeling good? But we don't get to take advantage of our best days days. We have to use our best days to be productive at work because how.

[Kat]

Many of those days do we really have?

[Amy]

I was feeling pretty good and I almost called you and said, I'm not coming in today.

[Kat]

Oh, we want you energized, though.

[Amy]

Yeah, no, I couldn't do that. But that's a good thought. I. Then I was like, I guess we have. You can have like a mental health day. Or I guess you have pto.

[Kat]

Yeah. If you want to take one of your paid times off. But some people's jobs, like, my job requires me to be there because I'm a voice on a show. Like, I'm a active participant now. If I sat at a desk and maybe it didn't matter when I got my work done or I did. I wasn't dependent on other people at the exact same time. That might work. Like an accountant or something.

[Amy]

Like, Patrick could do it.

[Kat]

Yes.

[Amy]

But he doesn't call out of work because he's always stressed because his job is stressful. So nobody can really do this. I can't. That would be awful if I was like, I'm feeling my best. I'm definitely not going to go help people today.

[Kat]

I really want to feel terrible when.

[Amy]

I'm giving you advice because honestly, when I'm sick, when I just have like a cold or something and I'm not like deathly ill, I don't really mind going to work because I'm like, what else am I gonna do? I can't really do anything with my day. It's better to be sick during the week than sick on a weekend. But that doesn't really pan out.

[Kat]

But I'm glad you're feeling energized and awesome. I wonder what that's about.

[Amy]

Well, I think it's because I didn't run myself into the ground this weekend.

[Kat]

You were low key.

[Amy]

I was channeling you vibes.

[Kat]

Yeah, I love weekends like that, but I'm. Doesn't mean I'm extra energized on a. On a Monday or anything. I just love low key weekends. I have those days, though, that you're talking about, like once a month maybe or so. I know it's. It's part of my hormone cycle. I know what it is. I don't know what hormones getting released, but there is something that's happening or not happening, whichever hormone is active or not active, that really just helps me feel amazing and then it goes away.

[Amy]

Well, now I'm trying to think of, like, what if it's hormone related to me, but it wouldn't be because I.

[Kat]

Thought you were supposed to get crazy or something.

[Amy]

I am about.

[Kat]

Well, but you haven't yet.

[Amy]

I know. Well.

[Kat]

Confession.

[Amy]

Ask Patrick that. He might say something else.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy]

Although we did talk about it the other day because I said to him he did something with my car. He did something nice. He got my oil changed for me because I really hate doing that. But he accidentally connected his. He messed up the, like, connection of the phones and whatever. I was one of those things where I was overreacting for sure. And I knew it. And I sent him this text that was like, you have to fix this. You better. It was something like, you better fix this or something.

[Kat]

What?

[Amy]

And he and he responded, I know.

[Kat]

Was he like, yes, ma' am.

[Amy]

This was after he did something nice for me.

[Kat]

I said, I got your oil changed.

[Amy]

This is what I said. I said, I'm so annoyed right now. You better fix this. And in my head, I'm like, catherine, what are you doing? He is so nice. He just. I was talking myself down from this, and he just responded, okay, no problem. I almost don't know if he didn't read it in a sassy tone, because he was like, of course she's not being mean to me. Why would she be mean to me? I just did her a favor.

[Kat]

Right?

[Amy]

Then later, I was talking to him and I said, I'm sorry. I overreacted. I was just really stressed, and I was hot, and I was late to where I was going. And he said, that's, like, it's okay as long as you recognize that you're doing that. And I said, if you ever spoke to me that way, it would not be okay. You know, like, if. Can you imagine Patrick sending me a text? And it's like, you better fix this. I'm so annoyed with you.

[Kat]

I know. I cannot imagine that.

[Amy]

Like, that's such a double standard. So I blamed it on my hormones. And he said, I really don't think you're being that much. Now that I'm telling the story, it makes me wonder because he was like, I really don't think you're being that much different.

[Kat]

Oh. He's like, that sounded pretty much like how you talk.

[Amy]

He did say. He said, when you get frustrated, you always are quick to apologize. So he's. It's not like you're not recognizing when you're being cuckoo. He would never say cuckoo.

[Kat]

Yeah. I think that my boyfriend is a lot like Patrick in the. Just not playing into the cuckoo. Which is perplexing to me because I'm like, why are you not picking up.

[Amy]

What I'm putting down?

[Kat]

We've sort of talked about this before. Like, either he's not, like, gonna add fuel to the fire. Like, I'm maybe wanting to engage a little bit. Like, ruffle the feathers and I'll, Like.

[Amy]

I'm feeling a little brinkless.

[Kat]

Maybe I don't know what it is, but I do it. And then he just, like, it falls flat, but.

[Amy]

The chaos you're trying to create falls flat.

[Kat]

Yeah, it's what it feels like. It falls flat. But I think he's like, I'm just not going to engage in this. Like, whatever this is, I'm going to ignore it. And it will go away. And it does. But I had to really talk myself out of it the other day. I'm like, don't keep going. Don't keep going. Don't keep going. Because I was trying to poke a little bit, and I. I don't know why. Just like you. I was aware of it. Like, I am aware right now. This is not very rational, but I don't care. But it was. I know it was hormones. Then I. The next day, I think I started my period and I was like, oh, it all makes sense now. La, la, la. Like, it's validation because, you know when you're aware of the crazy and then you. You still hit send. And then they're like, yeah, what do you want for dinner? And I'm like, what?

[Amy]

I think part of it. I don't know. For Alex, I'm gonna say make an assumption. For Patrick, I think he never assumes I'm trying to be mean, or he never assumes I'm trying to be rude, or he never assumes that. So he doesn't read into things the way that I might read into them. So when I sent that text, I think he probably read it with a normal tone. So he was like, oh, she's annoyed, but no problem. I'll fix it later. Like, I don't think he thought I was. I could be wrong.

[Kat]

Yeah, but we know how you felt. You were like, you better fix this. Yeah, well, speaking of texts.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

I got one for my ex husband.

[Amy]

Were you poking that there?

[Kat]

No.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

I wasn't. This is actually like a. A good text where I was like, oh, look how far we have come. Because he was texting me about celebrating something for our son, and he said that our son wanted to do it, the whole family, all together. So that would be me, his mom, his dad, his sister. And then the last sentence of the text, he was like, and I think Alex should come too. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, that would be fun. Not that Ben wouldn't ever want to include Alex. It's just that there was a season where Ben wasn't. It wasn't even really about Alex. It was just about Ben and I doing things together and someone that he had been dating where that just, like, would not have happened. And that's not in play anymore. And so some of the growth that has happened since then is. So.

[Amy]

Wait, that's huge.

[Kat]

The fruit is fruiting. You know, the good fruit. The bloom is blooming.

[Amy]

The flowers are blooming. The.

[Kat]

Whatever. The.

[Amy]

What is the saying? I. I have no idea. What saying you're looking for?

[Kat]

Well, I'm thinking of. I'm going to go ahead and do the fruit of the spirit hero. So, like, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control.

[Amy]

You're getting all the fruit.

[Kat]

Was that all the nine? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control. So those are the fruit of the spirit. Right. I had to practice a lot of those. All of them. All the fruits. And I think that patience is a big one in there. It's a big piece of fruit. And now the fruit is fruiting. Yeah.

[Amy]

You had a lot of patience. Fruit.

[Kat]

The fruit is fruiting. I'm gonna make that a thing.

[Amy]

Okay. Okay, Wait. This is one of those sayings, like, sick. Well, you know how I asked, like, is there ever a saying that you think you started? You're gonna start this?

[Kat]

Yeah. I'm pretty sure. I've never heard anybody say the fruit is fruiting. But that's just like. I don't know how to. How else you explain it other than it is just fruiting hard? Like, I love it.

[Amy]

That's my point.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

My point is, now that you've said this, people are going to start saying, oh, that's fruiting hard.

[Kat]

Or that fruit is fruiting. Look at your fruit. Fruit of the Spirit. It is fruity.

[Amy]

Fruiting hard.

[Kat]

I dare a pastor to say that. Just kidding. You know, we dare each other to say stuff. Oh, that's coming up in the voicemail, too.

[Amy]

Yeah. Okay. And you have talked about that.

[Kat]

You have a female Corey.

[Amy]

But don't you have an update on that?

[Kat]

What? Finesse?

[Amy]

Yes.

[Kat]

Oh, I said finesse on the Bobby Buncho because you told me to.

[Amy]

Although I did. I didn't say this because I. I wanted to.

[Kat]

Did I not use it correctly?

[Amy]

Well, no, I. I didn't want to be a Debbie Downer because I was proud of you, but I said you had to say it twice, and you only did it once.

[Kat]

I did.

[Amy]

So you're halfway done.

[Kat]

Well, then, Corey, our upcoming voicemail. She counts as number two.

[Amy]

Okay. Okay.

[Kat]

Because we'll play it here. But finesse. I'll try to say it again, but in that one. That one particular day after you challenged me, I was able to say it. One time. I snuck in finesse somehow. And I don't even know for sure if it worked, but I did it.

[Amy]

It did work. You finessed it?

[Kat]

Yeah. I had finesse?

[Amy]

Yes. Do you want to share what you said or.

[Kat]

I don't even remember.

[Amy]

I do. You said fire and then you were like, I thought I said it with finesse.

[Kat]

Oh, oh, oh. Yeah. Bobby did something. I don't even know what the segment was, but I just like, oh. He answered something really quickly. And I was like, fire. And he was like, don't do that. And they. Everyone on the show like, lunchboxes. They were like, awkward. Amy, you can't say fire. And I was like, what? I felt like it just rolled off. And so I was like, I feel like I said it with finesse.

[Amy]

That was perfect. So now I think this word is gonna, like, just kind of become part.

[Kat]

Of finesse or fruiting hard.

[Amy]

I'm definitely gonna. I would give you the assignment to say fruiting hard.

[Kat]

Should I. Should I answer? It's Alex. My boyfriend's Alex.

[Amy]

You want.

[Kat]

Remember last time I asked him for money? What should I ask him now?

[Amy]

Is there Fruit Harding? Hey, Fruit hard. Hey.

[Kat]

Hello. Hey, I'm recording. I was trying to think of something funny to say to you right away, but I couldn't, so I was just going, hey, hey. But sometimes. Here, you can answer this. I'll put you on speaker. Okay. But just answer it honestly. Okay. Do you think that sometimes I look to, like, start a fight for, like, no real reason? I just like, okay, okay. I didn't. I didn't really know for sure how to explain it, but he. He knew exactly what I was talking about. Okay, so you think that sometimes I just. I am, like, just itching for a fight, and then I'm gonna ask you what you think you do. Like, I'm sort of laying out the bait, and I'm like, oh. I'm like, I got a fishing pole, and I've got the bait on there, and you're the water, and I stick it in the water. And then what do you do? I say, I'm not doing this right now. Okay. Okay. That's.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

That's a different scenario like that.

[Amy]

A whole other can of worms.

[Kat]

Okay, that's another one which we did have a conversation about. Remember when I shared with you how that made me feel?

[Amy]

Use your intentional dialogue.

[Kat]

Yes. And then you said, are you baiting him?

[Amy]

He's like, no comment.

[Kat]

He's like, I'm not going to speak right now. This sounds. This sounds like a setup.

[Amy]

It kind of is.

[Kat]

Okay, well, I'm not trying to set you up, but I was complimenting you in that and saying that, yes, while there have been two scenarios that I can recall where he has said, I'm not doing this right now, which we've worked through. Most of the time, you just roll right over whatever I'm doing, Like, you just ignore it and, like, I'm, like, left, like, what, you're not even gonna react to that? And then you're like, okay, so what should. What do we want for dinner or sort of thing. That's true. Okay.

[Amy]

See, he's not taking the bait.

[Kat]

Cool. All right, well, thanks for calling. I'll have to hit you later.

[Amy]

Wait, that's our first male caller.

[Kat]

Good talk. Our first male caller.

[Amy]

Look, he called into the show.

[Kat]

Oh, this is a live.

[Amy]

Live call.

[Kat]

Thank you.

[Corey]

Bye.

[Kat]

Bye.

[Amy]

That's Alex from Nashville.

[Kat]

He called in.

[Amy]

That was funny. He just said yes. Yes.

[Kat]

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[Steve]

Presents 15 Seconds of Strength. Here we go. Steve's got a trunk full of groceries and no one to help him. Oh, that's tough. Jim looks like a five trip load. At least he grabs the first bag. The second Bob. It Looks like he's trying to do it all in one trip. He shimmies the door open, steps over the dog. Oh. And he stumbles. Oh, right into the kitchen without missing a beat. Jim. Now that's a man who eats his protein packed Oikos with 15 grams of complete protein in each cup. Oikos Triple Zero can help build strength for every day. Oikos stronger makes everything better.

[Kat]

Where were we? Ben, my ex, Alex, the kids like all that. I share that with. Also at church on Sunday, they left us with this little sort of mantra for how to welcome Monday. And it was sort of to wake up and be like, hello, Hope. Which it wasn't dismissing some of the hard things in life, but it was focusing on in Romans where it's suffering produces perseverance. Perseverance is character and character hope. So it's sort of like that line of events when you're going through something hard and clinging to hope. And it was a woman delivering the message and she was talking about a difficult time in her life and the pastor of her church came to her. I guess it was about like 20 years ago or something. Like her son had cancer and he was like, look, you can either walk through this with God or without him. And I'm telling you, with him it's going to be easier. And she's like, I'll never forget that moment because I knew I had a decision to make and I, I wanted to walk through it with the Lord by my side and I wanted to cling to the hope. And this morning when I woke up, I flung the covers off my bed and I go, hello, Hope.

[Amy]

Which is the opposite of what I did. I was like, how can I call in healthy to work today?

[Kat]

Yeah, you're like, I want to leave. But I just was, I thought that reminder of like, there is hope. So I hope that story about the evolution of Ben and I's relationship and some of the awkward growing pains of co parenting and navigating dating and relationships. Like, I hope that the fruit that we have now and Ben texting me and us all being able to hang out as a family. And Ben and I, we're working on a, a charity thing coming up in the fall, and Ben and I literally have a meeting together this week about it, which I think is gonna be so healthy for our kids to see. And I'll share details about that in case anybody's in Nashville and they want to come later once we have them, after we have our meeting. But I, I'm just proud of our Fruit. Fruity.

[Amy]

And it's helpful for you to share that. Those good moments, because it hasn't always been that way. So it also helps people.

[Kat]

Like, it was not. I'm telling you, that text message would have never happened ever, ever, ever. I'm not exaggerating.

[Amy]

Yeah. So that's. It's bigger than even what it seems. Also, did you mean to say bearing fruit? What I say fruiting hard.

[Kat]

Fruiting hard.

[Amy]

Well, I just was saying, like, bearing fruit is. Shannon let us know that that is an actual saying.

[Kat]

Yeah. You bear fruit.

[Amy]

Well, I didn't know if that's the saying you were looking for when you said I was my fruit was fruiting.

[Kat]

No. Yes. Yes. You bear fruit. Yes. I think I could have said it that way. And I just was thinking, like, but.

[Amy]

Now people are going to be saying that they're fruiting hard instead of bearing fruit because you've started that. Anyway, thanks for sharing that.

[Kat]

It's fruiting. So that is. That.

[Amy]

Can I.

[Kat]

That is Hope so. Hello, Hope.

[Amy]

Hello.

[Kat]

Hello.

[Amy]

Okay, so I want to share with you what we did yesterday. And I'm going to give you a quiz. Are you ready?

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy]

So we did our cinema Sunday, which I've shared before on the show. We. We do cinema Sundays, and it's when one of our friends. This week, it was Patrick's turn. You pick a movie, it's a surprise, and then you create a meal, an atmosphere inspired by the movie. Now, keep in mind, not every movie has food in it, which is crazy to think there are some movies that nobody ever eats.

[Kat]

Really?

[Amy]

Clue. There was no food in this movie.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy]

So we had to. And Patrick was so cute. He stressed he really wanted to pick a good movie and do a good job.

[Kat]

So he was the one in charge.

[Amy]

He was the one in charge. So think first of all, Patrick picked this, not me. I never would have picked this. I had never seen this movie. And the. I'll tell you what the meal was and then I'm going to give you three guesses of the movie. Okay?

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy]

So we had for appetizer, a soft pretzel. Then we had for dinner New York style pizza. And then for dessert, it was clue. New York style cheesecake.

[Kat]

Okay. So did it take place in New York adjacent?

[Amy]

New York adjacent.

[Kat]

Okay. The town. Is that Boston?

[Amy]

Is that a. Is that a movie?

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Oh, no.

[Kat]

I don't know.

[Amy]

You don't want to guess? Two other movies. Anybody out in the crowd have a guess?

[Kat]

But that would have pizza in it.

[Amy]

Mystic Pizza.

[Kat]

Oh, is it like A documentary about the Yankees. But surely there'd be a hot dog in there somewhere.

[Amy]

Can you imagine if it was movie night and he picked a documentary about the Yankees?

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

I would not want to watch that.

[Kat]

Well, you already said you wouldn't have chosen that.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

So I'm trying.

[Amy]

He really wanted me to watch it.

[Kat]

New York adjacent.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

So something on the East Coast.

[Amy]

Okay. I'm just gonna tell you.

[Kat]

Please.

[Amy]

Okay. The Dark Knight.

[Kat]

Is it. Does Batman take place? I thought it was a Gotham City.

[Amy]

But Gotham City is inspired by Chicago, New York, and London. What food would you have picked for the Dark Knight? That's what somebody else said. And I. Okay, this is. How crazy this is.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Somebody. We were eating dinner, and we were talking about it, and they're like, well, you could have cooked bat. And I didn't get it because I did not realize the Dark Knight was about Batman. I thought the Dark Knight was the Joker. I. I am not.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

I didn't know. So I was like, do they eat bats in the movie? And they're like, no, it's Batman. I was like, oh, I thought this was just about the Joker. That movie is disturbing.

[Kat]

Is this. Is that the one that.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Oh, I never saw it.

[Amy]

You don't need to. I had to get up and stretch in the middle of it because it was two hours and 30 minutes, and it was so stressful.

[Kat]

So Cinema Sunday sounds like a real.

[Amy]

I know the last two movies I haven't loved, but it. Okay, this is.

[Kat]

But it's such a fun idea.

[Amy]

It's a fun idea. It was really fun to watch Patrick get excited about it and plan it. The food was good, and the company was good. And honestly, it is getting me outside of my comfort zone.

[Kat]

Okay, well, that's good.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

I decided to get outside of my comfort zone and do something you told me to do. I've been waiting to hear about this. I want to do Cinema Sunday at some point.

[Amy]

Yeah. Okay.

[Kat]

But on Saturday night, Alex and I went on an impromptu date night, and we did the whole let's pretend like we're from out of town like you've suggested to do. And I. I highly recommend it for our listeners, whether you're with a group of girlfriends or even dining alone, like, you can just be someone different. We did drive out of town so that it didn't feel out of town, you know, like, we're totally lying. Yeah. I drove down to Franklin.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

It was like, 15 minutes. It is technically another town.

[Amy]

Yeah. So.

[Kat]

So went to Franklin.

[Amy]

What's the song you have to sing that gets you in the.

[Kat]

Oh, we're on vacation. We're on vacation. Kat made that up. The song. And I gotta say, it does help. So we kind of were in the car and we're like, we're on vacation. And we went and we sat at the bar. Cause I feel like seems like a last minute, you know, we're just gonna go to this restaurant, sit at the bar. We're checking out the town, and we sit down. And then the bartender immediately is like, have y' all ever been here before? And we're like, no, we haven't. We're looking at the drinks. And then Alex goes, so we're not from around here. And she was maybe wanting to try something local, like to drink. Like, do you have a cocktail? That's. And then he was like, the only thing I really have that local would be kind of like the bourbon, but I don't want to drink bourbon. But then there was a cocktail that was like gin and fresh squeezed carrot juice. And the carrots were local. So I got that. It was so good. Okay, don't sleep on carrot juice.

[Amy]

I saw the drink you posted. I almost said, are you having a juice? But I was like, surely she's not drinking.

[Kat]

It had gin celery liqueur. I know, sounds gross.

[Amy]

Was it good?

[Kat]

So good.

[Amy]

Oh, wait, I love that Alex said, oh, so we're not really from around here. So he was playing into it.

[Kat]

We were waiting because we were waiting for the waiter to say, well, where are y' all from? Because then we made a plan. Well, we FaceTimed it through on our way down there, and we'd come up with a plan that we would do it all improv. We had nothing pre decided planned. So if the waiter said, where are y' all from? One of us would answer. And then. And then we roll with it from there. Whatever that person says. Like if Alex had said, you know, we're from New Mexico, then I would have to roll with that.

[Amy]

What if they asked what city in New Mexico?

[Kat]

Albuquerque.

[Amy]

Oh, okay.

[Kat]

Why? You couldn't think of one? No.

[Amy]

Albuquerque. Never heard of it.

[Kat]

Okay. Santa Fe.

[Amy]

I never heard of it. I'm kidding. I've heard of it. But they would not have been top of mind. I would have been like, ah, Franklin, New Mexico. It's crazy. There's one there.

[Kat]

Yeah, they're everywhere. Paris, Texas.

[Amy]

Yeah, I would have had to do something like that.

[Kat]

So then we were gonna roll with him. I was so excited. And then the waiter never asked Us. Any questions? None.

[Amy]

He wasn't interested in your life.

[Kat]

Zilch. No questions. Where are we from? Although he did want to share with us more of the native cuisine because he brought out this gnocchi from the chef, where he was like, you've got to try this. Y' all didn't order this one particular thing, but this is something that's made with grits, which is like a southern.

[Amy]

Thing instead of potato.

[Kat]

The gnocchi was.

[Amy]

Was it good?

[Kat]

It was so good. And then there was, like, a bread plate situation, and we had already eaten and ordered, and we were done, but then people sitting next to us ordered it, and I was like, oh, my gosh, it looks so good. And the waiter came over and set it in front of us. Or the bartender said, I can't have you leave without trying some of this bread since, you know, you're from out of town. It was made from a starter that's 160 years old. So some, like grandma and Franklin, at some point maybe passed down. I started passed down the starter, and then he wanted me to be able to experience it. Was. Wasn't from around here.

[Amy]

Okay. Do you think he knew who you were?

[Kat]

No, not a chance.

[Amy]

Okay. Because then that would be why he didn't ask where you're from. Because then if you lied, why would.

[Kat]

He be like, well, if he said something, I'd be like, I'm not from here. I'm from Nashville, right up the road.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

But br.

[Amy]

What would. What would you do if you saw somebody? Because this happened to my parents. They. I think I told you this. They were in Italy. And my mom swears that Stanley Tucci was at the restaurant she was at. And they told their waiter, like, I think that's Stanley Tucci, who has, like, a Italian food show. I don't know on what channel, but he, like, goes to different cities and experiences all their different cuisines. So the waiter said something to him, and he said, no, I'm a composer from London, but my mom was on vacation.

[Kat]

He was on vacation.

[Amy]

My mom was like, I think he was lying. But if you knew somebody was lying, I guess that's the polite thing to do. It's like, if they don't want people to know, then, like, the privacy.

[Kat]

Yeah. Don't blow your cover.

[Amy]

Yeah. If they're like, I know that you're not from out of town. You're on the radio.

[Kat]

Yeah, he didn't do that. He definitely.

[Amy]

Service.

[Kat]

No, but I loved it. We had fun. And then afterwards, he told us, hey, before you go again, since y' all aren't from around here, you've got to go to the speakeasy around the corner. And you're gonna enter through, like, where the Mellow Mushroom takes their trash. And it's gonna look sketchy, but keep going. And then pull this lever, and a green light's gonna come on, and it'll let you in. It sounds fake, but it's real.

[Amy]

Should you be giving the secret out?

[Kat]

Well, yeah. I mean, it's. It's a speakeasy in Franklin.

[Amy]

Okay. I think want people to go, I've never heard of this.

[Kat]

Yeah. So then we're like, well, we're on vacation. So normally we would go home, but obviously now we're gonna go do this. And we really didn't want another cocktail. We didn't want anything. We're like, well, we'll just get one and share it, and that way we can have the experience. So we go. We walk around. We go to the side of Mellow Mushroom, and it is starting to kind of smell like trash. And we're like, is this the right. Okay, this must be messing with us. And then we go through the door, and we open it up, and there's a line in the trash hallway to the speakeasy. And we were like, we're out. That's where we draw the line. It was maybe like seven people deep. So a couple of couples, or maybe, like, if, you know, in a friend.

[Amy]

But it smelled like trash.

[Kat]

I mean, just. It was like in a little alley situation. But I. We just. It wasn't because of the trash. It was just like, we didn't want to wait. Like, if we could have just walked in and experienced the speakeasy. But that's where we drew the line. On vacation, we're like, we're done. Let's go back to our real lives. We're tired. Your vacation was over 9:45pm and if.

[Amy]

You were on vacation, would you actually stay in the line?

[Kat]

I don't think so, because it was just. We were tired.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

It already been a long day.

[Amy]

Yeah. And you went to a late dinner.

[Kat]

Exactly. If maybe it had been a little bit earlier, we would have done it. But anyway, I will say it worked. Like, for us, it worked. So thank you for the relationship hack idea tip.

[Amy]

It's just fun.

[Kat]

It's just fun.

[Amy]

Yeah. So.

[Kat]

And again, it does. I guess I call it a relationship, but it could really be just anything. Anything. Like a life just bringing a little whimsical whimsy. Yes. It's the whimsy. It brought whimsy. So thank you for that.

[Amy]

And what's funny about that is when you called us, what would you call us at like 7:45?

[Kat]

Yeah. And we were driving down there, I.

[Amy]

Was in bed with my, like, probably retainer in and my glasses on. You're like, what are you doing in bed?

[Kat]

I was like, yeah, because normally you're the one that's out and about, like, living it up. Patrick's blindfolded, and you're like, we're just going to do something crazy. And then you're like, oh, this was your low key weekend. Which is why you felt so energized. Good for you. Yes.

[Amy]

We switched places.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Are you ready to get into the voicemail?

[Amy]

Yes.

[Kat]

We've all experienced being put on hold. The annoying music, the automated message. It's excruciating. And right now, America's seniors are on hold, waiting for nutritious meals and moments of connection. Waiting for America to care. Due to a growing aging population, rising costs and insufficient funding, Meals on Wheels programs are experiencing higher need than ever before. Currently, one in three Meals on Wheels providers has a wait list with an average wait time of four months and in some places, almost two years. This wait is especially ridiculous because a proven solution already exists, as Meals on Wheels remains the most effective and financially responsible solution to address senior hunger and isolation. Answer the call and help Meals on Wheels serve every senior who needs us. Nearly 13 million seniors in America worry about having enough food. 56% are lonely. And these numbers are only rising. Meals on Wheels America has a plan to end the wait, to eliminate all wait lists and ensure every senior who needs Meals on Wheels gets it. It's up to you to help make that a reality and answer the call and help end the wait by [e-mail] donate that's mealsonwheelsamerica.org Donate if you've listened to the 4 things podcast for a while, you know how important acceptance is when it comes to personal growth. And you know who else is big on acceptance? Discover. Yeah, you see, Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. That's a whole lot of places and a whole lot of acceptance, which is great for Discover, but even better for you. Based on the February 2024 Nielsen report. Learn more at discover.com Credit Card Oikos.

[Steve]

Presents 15 Seconds of Strength. Here we go. Steve's got a trunk full of groceries and no one to help him. Oh, that's tough, Jim. Looks like a five trip load at least. He grabs the first bag, the second Bob. It looks like he's trying to do it all one trip. He shimmies the door open, steps over the dog. Oh, and he stumbles. Oh, right into the kitchen without missing a beat. Jim. Now that's a man who eats his protein packed Oikos with 15 grams of complete protein in each cup. Oikos Triple Zero can help build strength for every day. Oikos stronger makes everything better.

[Kat]

Again, the topic is marrying someone with an eating disorder. And I'll let Cor do the talking. So we'll hit the voicemail now. Here you go.

[Corey]

Hi, Amy and Kat, this is is Corey. I have been a longtime fan of the Bobby Bones show and listen to your podcast, Amy, since day one. Actually we got divorced around the same time and that's one of the reasons why I'm messaging. I met an amazing guy. We've been dating about eight months. He's very kind and considerate, great communicator, loves God. He's a planner, plans fun things for me. We have a great time. But there is this one thing. I think he has an eating disorder. We're in our 50s and there's certain things that he doesn't eat. You know how when we're kids and sometimes kids can be picky eaters. He actually never grew out of that. He had this since he was a child. And in contrast, I am a big foodie. I love food. He's been kind. He's taken me to restaurants that I was like, like I love crab legs and he tastes me there and. But he's. He didn't eat anything. He just watched me eat and enjoyed me eating, which was very nice. And we'd gone to like a Hawaiian restaurant and he ate French fries. And it's not really been a problem, but I think if we are going to continue our relationship and possibly get married someday like that it will be a problem. I guess I'm just asking your advice. Is this an eating disorder? I kind of googled it and found something about Arfid and he and I had talked about it and asked me if his eating issues would keep me from marrying him someday. And if I'm honest, it is a factor in me making that decision. When I told him that it bothered him because he said that it's like I was saying that he needed to change something that he couldn't change. But can't he? So anyway, I'd love your advice. Have a great day.

[Kat]

Okay. That is from our Listener Corey, thank you so much for leaving that voicemail. It's like a sensitive situation because it's not like he's choosing to be this way. Like there's something going on, and you obviously enjoy so many other things about him. And so that's sometimes what can make a relationship difficult, especially when it's something that isn't officially diagnosed, which is certainly what we cannot do here. And I don't think, Kat, even being a therapist that specializes in eating disorder and body image. Yeah. You can't even say for certain. Alto. When the voicemail was playing earlier, I mentioned this at the top of the episode. You're like, oh, that sounds like arfid, which Corey mentioned in the voicemail. From her research, that's what she has found. So what can you say in regards to that that you feel comfortable saying as a therapist and I know as a mom, like other people that might be listening, you might be like, oh, that sounds familiar. Like, I. I think of my daughter when I hear that and some things that she may have going on, and I don't even know. I'd never even heard of arfid. So now I want to research it and see if there's some different things we can do that will help expand her food list. Because food is limited, because of how she is with food, there are just certain sensitivities, and I try to have compassion around it, and then it can be incredibly frustrating because of texture and taste and all the different things at play.

[Amy]

So why don't we break this down? Two separate things? One, I can give a little tiny piece of what ARFIT is, and then on the other side of that, so there's this concern. Maybe he has an eating disorder. And if he has an eating disorder does not need to be addressed. And then the other part of this question is, what do I do in this relationship? Is this allowed to be a deal breaker? Is this gonna. Like, how do I work through some of those things that maybe I can't change? That actually might be important to me because it's okay to recognize that food being part of your life and something that you like to experiment with and enjoy, it's okay that that's a big deal to you. So two separate things. Let's start with the ARFID part. So ARFID is probably a lesser known eating disorder because it doesn't typically have much to do about somebody's weight and wanting to control their weight or any type of body image, which a lot of the other types of eating disorders either. Don't either. But this typically doesn't really have anything to do with that. It stands for avoidant restrictive food intake disorder. And a lot of times is rooted in like sensory issues, which you mentioned. So textures or smells, stuff like that, that can just be part of something that somebody has a hard time sitting with or experiencing. So has nothing to do with, oh, I don't want to eat that, the calories or anything like that. It's that this doesn't feel good to me and I can't tolerate it. Or it can have to do with traumatic experiences. So if you were force fed things as a child or had any kind of trauma around food, sometimes we can limit our palate in that way to avoid that stuff. You can develop it, like if you have medical issues, like gastrointestinal issues, you might develop a fear of a lot of foods and you might want to avoid them and restrict them because of that, which all of this stuff is very understandable. Or another way that trauma can create some just like dissatisfaction or just distaste to a lot of foods is if you've had experience of choking or something like, like vomiting or something with eating a food, you might become just very resistant to it in the future. So that's where a lot of that comes from. I think when people see it, their first inclination is to have this judgment of they're a picky eater. Like, that's just a picky eater. And this used to be called selective eating disorder, where it was like, these people are only selecting these certain, like they're very selective. And I think the language on that wasn't very truthful, that it has a lot more to do with I can't tolerate this kind of food. And this food is hard for me, all that to say. There's treatment for it and you can work through some of these things. And the person who's experiencing that has to want to engage in that treatment. Like eating sometimes pasta, the texture of pasta. People can be really like, I don't, I can't tolerate that. For us, we're like, oh, pasta, it's so good. It's so yummy. Or something like yogurt, Yogurt's a big one. Where people are like, oh, I can't. So for maybe us that like that food, it's like, we'll just like learn to eat pasta. But it is such a distressing experience for somebody like that has this eating disorder to eat that food that it might not be worth it to them. So it feels different in their body. Than we can sometimes understand because just we. You can't force yourself to experience that.

[Kat]

Right. Because it's not just like, oh, like, I don't like olives.

[Amy]

Yeah. Yes.

[Kat]

Like, olives are disgusting to me. This is so much bigger than that. Obviously, the foods get so limited to where they can barely go out to eat. And when experiencing food is such an important part to her. And while it's so kind that he'll take her and he's willing to go sometimes just sitting there, and if they're not eating and you're eating in front of them, it just doesn't feel like a. A fun experience together.

[Amy]

And again, this is me. I'm not diagnosing this person because I have, like, this much information about what he's experiencing.

[Kat]

If you're listening on podcasts, Kat held up about 2 inches.

[Amy]

Oh, yeah.

[Kat]

This much information.

[Amy]

Everybody's watching on YouTube.

[Kat]

They're just. They're not. I don't know why, but they're not. But, hey, we're on YouTube if you want to watch us shout out. Because there's a lot of you listening that are definitely not watching on YouTube. But, yeah, I don't watch that much stuff on YouTube, so I get it. I mean, sometimes I do, but I listen to podcasts when I'm doing other things and I'm not.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

I'm walking around.

[Amy]

What I. Yeah. Limited information. And I just wanted to give that little spiel because it is an eating disorder that a lot of people don't know about. And it's really easy to have judgment when we don't have all the information. And this is something that I think Corey, our listener, is trying to really walk through with compassion. So there's two things here. The, like, if this is an eating disorder, I want to be able to help this person. And we can only control what we can control. And at the end of the day, if this person. If this is not distressing enough to this person's life, if he's still able to get the nutrients he needs in his body and live the life that he wants that he chooses, he might not have a desire to change. And so then you, outside of that, also have to make a decision of, okay, well, is this something that I can learn to live with or not? And there's not a right or wrong. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer there.

[Kat]

No. Because either way, it could be impacting your quality of life.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

And that's for you to decide. And I think maybe, maybe, maybe Again, I don't know these people at all. But my hope. Hello Hope would be that he didn't think that. Which we had to shorten some of the voicemail. It was very, very, very long. So listeners was very, very, very, very long. But good information. Like we have information that some listeners didn't hear and depending on what part was left in the voicemail. But what we know is that he didn't think he was going to meet somebody. Like he's lived, he's in his 50s and he's lived his entire life or much of his life likely this way. And he never thought he would meet somebody that he wanted to share his life with. And so now that he has, he might be like, oh, this is potentially limiting experiences with someone that I really enjoy being with that I didn't think I was ever going to meet. So yeah, if there actually is some support out there for me in this that can expand my, my opportunities, my experiences with my partner, then he may be willing to look into it. Now, it also could be like a flat no. And then that's where you have to assess and figure out, okay, radical acceptance. We've talked about that recently. It's sort of like this is situation and I can't control it and how do I want to come alongside and and live with it. If you choose to accept it and move forward and do marry him, you can't. Because that is the question. You can't go into it like, oh, well, I'll marry him and then eventually I'll fix it because that you're going to just have to radically accept that this is how he eats. Something in my relationship that I don't think Alex on mind that I'm bringing up because it's something he walked through with his wife when she had cancer and all of the information and doctors and appointments and they went everywhere to get all kinds of opinions. We actually talked about it on our date night on vacation, which I know this sounds like a heavy discussion, but we had not ever talked about some of her treatments and where they went. But something about MD Anderson came up because that's where my mom was. He goes, oh, we flew down there for an opinion. They were living in Nashville, so they went to Vanderbilt, they went down to Houston. MD Anderson, they went to Duke. Like they were trying to go everywhere to get different opinions because everyone was just perplexed at what she had, how it was spreading. There's some words he said that I don't even really remember, like some medical speak that I wasn't even familiar with because he was like, I had never experienced cancer before, so some of this was just so foreign to me. And I. I remember that with my mom, walking through that with her, like, at doctor's point was just being so overwhelmed and trying to take in all of the information and learn so much. But, you know, he was talking about how every doctor also had, like, a different take on it, and even with the diet and how you should be eating and. But something that just really resonated with him was with colon cancer. Certain foods that will inflame, certain things that can ignite the colon cancer. I don't know if I'm saying that properly, but you get what I'm saying. And so he's very strict with those foods. Like, if there was a top five, he's just not going to put those in his body. And I don't even want to list them out. I'm not trying to put fear into anybody at all whatsoever. But if those are on the menu, he's just not going to be getting them where. I don't limit that as much, but I think some of that is me rebelling against my eating disorder days of, like, I don't want my kids to feel restriction. But his restriction isn't coming from a place of an eating disorder, but it is a fear of sorts of genetically, their mom did have it, and he believes the science behind XYZ to be true. And so he just wants to try to fuel them in their bodies with certain things when he can. So there are things I just know we're not going to order or experiences. I know we're not. Like, we're not always going to get dessert, which that's kind of a bummer for me sometimes. And if I wanted to get this the dessert, I could. But I know sometimes he's just, like, not for it. And Kat was like, oh, gosh, I have to get a dessert every single time.

[Amy]

Well, not every time, but, like, that is. I love.

[Kat]

It's fun.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

That's one of my favorite parts of going out is then, like, not even at the same restaurant. We'll go somewhere else. But that's something. I think that you're sharing that to say that that's something in my relationship and it's still worth it to be in that. And also, his choices don't always have to be my choices. And I think that's important to add.

[Kat]

Too, that you do get a little bummed sometimes. Yes. So. So Corey might get a little bummed sometimes because I know I'm like, I know we're not gonna have dessert. Or like, I want something sweet. And sometimes I have to check myself. And I probably will need to share this with him because I don't think I've said it. Now that I'm saying it on the podcast, I want to say it to him, but it's like sometimes I feel uncomfortable if I want something sweet. And, like, almost like I can't.

[Amy]

Like, you're.

[Kat]

Like, I'm doing something bad wrong and I'm not. I know he wouldn't want me to feel that way. And some of that could be my own stuff that I'm projecting on to myself, but I just. It's just how I feel. Well, this podcast is about feeling well.

[Amy]

I think that's helpful to hear, and it's also helpful to say out loud because then you can recognize it's almost like you're taking on his fears or his feelings or his genetics or his kids genetics or anything like that. How you were saying that, like, you have. They. They have his wife's genes, and so his feelings and his fear around certain foods. If he doesn't want to change those, that's okay. We can actually be in relationship with somebody who has different feelings and experiences and ideals and all of that. I don't have to then take that on. And it doesn't sound like he's forcing you to take that on either. There might be some things that he just feels strongly about, but recognizing that, oh, that doesn't have to be my reality.

[Kat]

Right. I want something sweet. I should just say, I'm gonna get something sweet, and I. I'm gonna do that for myself. You don't have to have any.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Although I want that experience with him. Like when we went and got the Frosties. Frosties would be Wendy's. We went to Dairy Queen. We went and got the blizzards. It was fun.

[Amy]

It's more fun to do with.

[Kat]

It's more fun to do together. And so I guess for me, I'll just cherish those moments a little bit more and then respect the other times that he doesn't want that in his body, which is okay. I'm trying to just think of, like, Corey being in certain situations where she's like, I just want him to eat crab with me. Yeah.

[Amy]

Yeah. And also, I think going back to talking about Arfid because people don't know it's a thing, he might not even recognize that that's something that, like, he could work through.

[Kat]

Right.

[Amy]

Like, he might not Even know that. So when she says, like, this might be something that would keep me from marrying you, like, I have to think about that. And he's like, well, this is how I've been my whole life. Maybe he doesn't know there are people out there that are struggling with things. It is one of the most helpful. It sounds crazy, but sometimes when people get a diagnosis, even in a mental health diagnosis, it feels so freeing because they're like, oh, this is a thing that other people have. It's not just me. And also, there might be a way out. Like, there are books written about this. There's support. There are people that specialize in this. And so sometimes having that, even though we don't want to just go around labeling people, but even it's almost just like, I feel understood. I feel seen.

[Kat]

You know what? Not alone. You want it out. You know what else? You know what else?

[Amy]

Hope? Hello.

[Kat]

Hello, Hope.

[Amy]

Yeah, I think that's like the topic of or the subject of our episode. But yeah, it can give him hope of like, oh, well, maybe I. We don't know. He might have feelings sitting there across from her being like, I wish I could enjoy this with her. We don't know if that's something he's like, hidden and suppressed. So there could be a lot of. I think we're not going to give you any, like, actual. This is what you need to do. But I think something to think about is do I want to have a conversation to see how he really feels about all of this? Like, get really vulnerable and curious about what his experience is when he takes you out to eat and he just orders the fries. He might feel numb to it at this point, but maybe it's because nobody's ever really asked him.

[Kat]

Yeah, I love that.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

And yeah, Arfid. Who knew? I did not know it was a thing, but Cat knew right when she heard Corey start talking about it. And I was like, that's my girl.

[Amy]

Thank you.

[Kat]

That's my co host. You're welcome. We'll close with a really cool email that we got from a listener named. How do you think we say that? Mila.

[Amy]

Mila.

[Kat]

Mila M. We don't know because I L l A Milla. Guess what, she's from Finland.

[Amy]

Which is why we might not know how to.

[Kat]

That's why we pulled the email because I think we were talking about how maybe we had a listener in Nigeria or something and she was like, hey, so this is our email of the day. Hey, Amy and Kat. I was listening to Your episode from a couple of days ago, and you were talking about maybe having listeners abroad. Well, I just wanted you to know you have at least one listener in Finland. I've been listening to the Bobby Bones show for over 10 years now. First heard about you guys when I was working in Wisconsin for a summer in 2013, and I've been listening ever since. I really like feeling things. Also, P.S. i know Amy wanted to explore new places. You should totally visit Finland someday. I think you would love it. Okay. Best Mila.

[Amy]

I'm smiling so hard. 1. That's a cool email. It sounded like you were doing one of those at the end of a commercial. It's like, all, like, the side effects of something. I've never heard you talk so fast. Oh, do you ever do those?

[Kat]

I do.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

Yeah. At the end of, like, car commercials and stuff. Yeah. Was I really? Well, I was. I'm hot. We got to figure out a new plan. This is a little inside baseball, but we have, like, lights that are in here. It's a really muggy day here in Nashville today. There was a storm earlier, and I think the humidity and. And you're wearing a sweater, and I'm wearing a sweater. I don't know why.

[Amy]

Well, we can wrap it up.

[Kat]

I don't know. Maybe I just think that the heat was causing me to read quickly.

[Amy]

Yeah. I mean, it was a talent. That was supposed to be kind of a compliment.

[Kat]

Oh, really?

[Amy]

You can be a speed reader.

[Kat]

Thank you.

[Amy]

You're welcome. We did it.

[Kat]

All right. If y' all want to email us, you can from anywhere in the world.

[Amy]

Finland, Nigeria, wherever you live, it will.

[Kat]

Make it to us. Hey there. At feeling things podcast.com we mentioned earlier we are on YouTube. You can like and subscribe.

[Amy]

You can call us and leave a voicemail.

[Kat]

Yeah. 8772-0720-7787-7207-2077. And you can follow us on Instagram. I love that. And then also, I just want to say I like going and reading through our comments, which is manageable at this point on all of our posts because just, like, a few here and there, mostly just you and me. So, like.

[Amy]

Messaging back to each other.

[Kat]

They're manageable because either feeling things is commenting, which is either me or Kat. And then there's my account, Radio Amy, and then Kat Van Buren, which is Kat's account. And then sometimes Kat's husband will chime.

[Amy]

In with a so, like, go comment.

[Kat]

And then maybe my sister. But occasionally we have some listeners in there and it's so fun. So that's just a little. If you're still listening at this point, I know this has been, you know, if you make it to the end, then you're loyal. And I know that maybe you'll throw a comment if you think of it and the video goes up, just like, leave us a comment because that's fun. And we'll engage with it and reply.

[Amy]

And be like, what, you watch this?

[Kat]

Well, people are watching it. That's good.

[Amy]

And they like it. They always comment.

[Kat]

It's just that y' all don't always comment. And comments are fun.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

So, and, and plus, it's just funny to me that when I go through, I'm like, oh, my gosh, we have six comments. Yay. And I go look at them. And it's like you me feeling things.

[Amy]

People are probably like, do they have no friends?

[Kat]

My sister Patrick. But we are gaining more Instagram followers by the day, which is so fun because it's a couple climb. It's a climb.

[Amy]

It's a climb. We hope you have the day you need to have.

[Kat]

Bye.

[Amy]

Bye.

[Kat]

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[Amy]

This is an iHeart podcast.