AMY: How to Take a Compliment Without Cringing, Karen Read Trial & When the Ex-Husband Meets the Boyfriend

Summary

Summary of “AMY: How to Take a Compliment Without Cringing, Karen Read Trial & When the Ex-Husband Meets the Boyfriend” – The Bobby Bones Show

Release Date: May 18, 2025

In this engaging episode of The Bobby Bones Show, hosts Amy Brown and Kat delve into three significant topics: strategies for accepting compliments gracefully, a candid discussion on the Karen Read trial, and a personal story about Kat's boyfriend meeting her ex-husband. The conversation is enriched with personal anecdotes, expert insights, and interactive banter, making it both informative and relatable for listeners.

---

1. How to Take a Compliment Without Cringing

Amy and Kat kick off the episode by addressing a common social challenge: accepting compliments without feeling awkward or dismissive. Drawing from a Psychology Today article by Dr. Lindsay Goodwin, they explore the underlying reasons why many women struggle with receiving praise.

• Understanding the Difficulty:
  Amy shares, “[Women] are more likely to feel like they need to be modest... [and] accept a compliment that feels the opposite” (26:17). This tendency stems from societal teachings that value humility over self-promotion.

• Cognitive Dissonance:
  The hosts discuss cognitive dissonance, where conflicting thoughts make it hard to accept positive feedback. Amy explains, “It brings up about this thing called cognitive dissonance... I think two things are not able to, like, sit in our brain” (26:24).

• Practical Tips for Acceptance:
  Amy provides three actionable strategies to help listeners accept compliments more comfortably:

  1. Say Thank You and Pause:
     “Just say thank you and pause,” Amy advises (39:00). This simple acknowledgment prevents automatic deflection of praise.

  2. Consider the Evidence:
     Kat adds, “People with lower self-esteem... tend to paint themselves with a broad stroke brush,” emphasizing the importance of evaluating the merit of the compliment rather than dismissing it (43:16).

  3. Revisit Compliments Later:
     Amy suggests keeping a compliment journal to reflect on positive feedback over time, helping to internalize and appreciate genuine praise (44:36).

• Notable Quote:
  Kat shares her personal mantra, “I put on my clothes with ease. I am creative with my clothes,” illustrating how positive affirmations can reinforce self-esteem (37:35).

---

2. Karen Read Trial

Transitioning to a more serious topic, Amy and Kat discuss the Karen Read trial, offering their perspectives on the case and deliberating on Read's guilt or innocence.

• Initial Verdicts:
  Amy states, “I think she is guilty,” while Kat counters, “She is guilty. You put me on the jury...” demonstrating their differing viewpoints (15:59, 16:06).

• Evidence and Vibes:
  The conversation highlights the subjective nature of assessing someone's character based on their demeanor. Kat remarks, “I just don't think someone can be guilty because of their vibe,” questioning the reliability of non-verbal cues in legal judgments (15:35).

• Conclusion on the Trial:
  Despite their debates, both hosts decide to refrain from further commentary to respect the ongoing nature of the trial, encouraging listeners to form their own opinions based on available evidence (16:22).

• Notable Quote:
  Amy reflects on the prejudgment inherent in the trial, stating, “If I put me on the jury... I don't think I would. I think I would say, I don't know,” underscoring the complexities of legal impartiality (16:16).

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3. When the Ex-Husband Meets the Boyfriend

Kat shares a heartfelt personal story about her boyfriend, Alex, meeting her ex-husband. This encounter was initially a source of anxiety for Kat, fearing potential awkwardness or tension.

• The Meeting:
  Kat recounts, “My daughter had a birthday and we all went out to eat... Alex decided to stop by the house after dinner,” describing how Alex navigated the introduction with Kat's ex-husband (02:31).

• Overcoming Anxiety:
  She expresses immense relief, stating, “My relief is I've been able to exhale for the last week and a half,” highlighting the positive outcome of the meeting (04:00).

• Smooth Interaction:
  The hosts observe that the meeting went surprisingly well, with both men displaying maturity and respect. Kat notes, “They both just like lean towards each Other. With, like, a firm grip,” indicating a cordial and friendly interaction (04:31).

• Impact on Relationships:
  This experience allows Kat to feel more confident about future interactions, emphasizing the importance of open communication and reducing preconceived tensions (08:04).

• Notable Quote:
  Kat shares her newfound confidence, “Now I can go anywhere and do anything and run into anybody, and I don't have to freak out,” illustrating personal growth through overcoming fears (08:16).

---

4. Listener Engagement and Personal Anecdotes

Throughout the episode, Amy and Kat engage with listener emails, discuss personal nicknames, and share stories that add depth to their conversation.

• Listener Support:
  They acknowledge an email from Lindsay, a listener who related to Kat's experiences of dating a widower, fostering a sense of community and support (09:33).

• Nicknames and Personal Stories:
  The hosts exchange humorous and heartfelt stories about the various nicknames they've been given over the years, showcasing their close rapport and authenticity (55:36–66:10).

• Notable Interaction:
  Amy humorously admits to her tendency to deflect compliments, calling herself a "liar" when she denies paying full price for a purchase, highlighting the episode's overarching theme of accepting praise (26:22, 38:21).

---

Conclusion

This episode of The Bobby Bones Show masterfully intertwines personal narratives with insightful discussions on self-esteem and societal expectations. Amy and Kat provide listeners with practical tools for personal growth while fostering a sense of camaraderie through shared experiences. Whether navigating the complexities of legal opinions or the nuances of personal relationships, the hosts deliver content that is both meaningful and entertaining.

Notable Quotes:

• Kat [02:28]: “I just feel relief.”
• Amy Brown [26:24]: “It brings up about this thing called cognitive dissonance...”
• Kat [15:35]: “I just don't think someone can be guilty because of their vibe.”
• Kat [08:04]: “Now I can go anywhere and do anything and run into anybody, and I don't have to freak out.”
• Amy Brown [26:00]: “I can't receive that because it goes against what I'm already believing.”

---

For more insights and daily replays, listeners are encouraged to download the full episode from The Bobby Bones Show via Premiere Networks.

Transcript

[Amy Brown]

You're listening to an iHeart podcast.

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[Kat]

Foreign hey, it's Amy here with news on the top Shelf Country Cruise setting sail February 27th to March 6th, 2026 and this isn't just a cruise, it's a country music experience at sea. And we've got an amazing lineup of live performances each night from country superstars like Keith Urban, lee Bryce, Scotty McCreary, Parmalee and LeAnn Rimes. And it doesn't end. There we go. We're also going to be stopping in stunning destinations along the way. Go to topshelfcountrycruise.com to book any available stateroom. Hurry because these spots are filling up fast.

[Amy Brown]

Did you know women are more likely than men to develop dry eyes which may be due to hormonal changes during the menstrual cycle or after menopause and the use of oral contraceptives?

[Kat]

And I have to say I get dry eyes in the morning so the eye drops have been a part of my morning routine.

[Amy Brown]

There's dry eyes relief in sight with Refresh Relieva PF Extra. These preservative free artificial tears come in a soft squeeze multi dose bottle featuring a double lockout system that keeps drops sterile. Refresh Relieva PF Extra is safe to use as often as needed. Find your refresh online or in the eye drop aisle at your favorite drugstore or grocery. If you ever have feelings and you just want some, maybe a cat got you covered like a GN brother. Ladies and fellas, we just follow in the spirit where it tell us from the real stuff to the chill stuff and the in between. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just stop and feel things. This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat.

[Kat]

Happy Tuesday. Welcome to Feeling Things. I'm Amy and I'm Kat and our feeling of the day. I'm bringing the feeling. Okay, it is. I feel relief because my boyfriend met my ex husband.

[Amy Brown]

Check I don't know the story.

[Kat]

So my daughter had a birthday and we all went out to eat. I didn't tell you this part. Alex, we've said his name.

[Amy Brown]

Okay?

[Kat]

It's fine.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, Alex, we're with you.

[Kat]

He. Well, no, Stasher invited him. My daughter said he could come, but he had not met her dad, my ex husband. And he said, it's her birthday. I don't want that to be like a overshadow, overshadow her birthday, because not that it totally would, but we just didn't even want to run the risk of that. He said, how about after her dinner I'll stop by the house? And he did that. My in laws, my ex in laws were in town, though I still call them my in laws, but they're my ex in laws and they were coming by my house because they gave me a ride to the dinner. And then at dinner I talked to Ben about how, hey, Alex is going to be coming by the house. I was like, why don't you stop by? Your parents are becoming. And then I don't know if he had something to pick up or drop off, I don't know, because this, this happened. My relief is I've been. Been able to exhale for the last, like, I don't know, week and a half, two weeks now. So this happened a minute ago. Which is so funny that we haven't talked about it, but I think sometimes we hold off stuff because, well, we know we're gonna record it for the podcast or we talk about 500 on other things. So my exhale is like, I just feel relief. Like it, it felt so good to have it go well. And I guess in my mind I was like, I don't know how this is ever going to go or what it's going to be like. And it's going to be so awkward. And it wasn't awkward at all.

[Amy Brown]

And so what was it like? Like, did he come to the door and who.

[Kat]

Well, first of all, Ben always comes to the back door. But this day he came to the front door and I think he just thought, yeah. And I'm like, what are you doing? Like you always come through the back. So he came to the front door, knocked, and I'm like, I knew you were coming over and your parents are here. Just walk in. So he knocked and then he came in and then Alex is already talking to his parents. So they met.

[Amy Brown]

So Alex met his ex in laws. Okay.

[Kat]

And my ex husband. And he walks in and they both just like lean towards each Other. With, like, a firm grip. Yeah, Cryo. Cryo. Cat was here. It was like, this very firm, like. Like the firmest. Like. And then it was first name, last name. Both of them. Yeah. And he was like, hey, I'm being beam. And he's like, you know, I'm sorry.

[Amy Brown]

I don't think I've ever introduced myself as Catherine defada to anybody. Or Van Buren.

[Kat]

Okay, so we can act it out with. With our names. I could be like, if I walked in your your say I always came in your back door, but today I come to your front door, and then I walk in, and. And with a very firm handshake, I'm like, hey, Amy Brown.

[Amy Brown]

Katherine Van Buren. Yeah.

[Kat]

No, you need Cat Van Buren.

[Amy Brown]

Cat Van Buren.

[Kat]

Yeah. Yes. Shake.

[Amy Brown]

Cat Van Buren. Wait, wait. What if. What if Ben introduced himself and Alex was like, Ben Brow.

[Kat]

Just so he could remember his name? Yeah, I don't. I don't think you'll have trouble forgetting.

[Amy Brown]

It, but that is. That's such a dude thing of, like, I'm. My first name and my last name.

[Kat]

Yes. For both of them. Like, I was like, what? I was sitting. I was like, what is going on just now.

[Amy Brown]

Amy.

[Kat]

It was very interesting to see men in their natural habitat.

[Amy Brown]

What did they say after they said it was.

[Kat]

They just started talking casual Alec. They had Alex do a mutual friend of Ben's, and Ben had just put on this awesome charity event for. For foster kids, like, that week. That's why his parents were in town. And then it was to share his birthday, so they stayed in town for that as well. But Alex asked him how the event went, and Ben was sort of like, how. How'd you know about that? He's like, oh, my friend was going. And then they talked about the night, and Alex said like, oh, yeah, well, congratulations. That's really awesome. And it was a very normal. I just, you know, that exhale, that relief. And so the gift of relief is something stressful or painful has ended or eased. Yes. And not that it was painful, but I did have a little bit of stress of like, when is this gonna happen? How is it gonna happen? Because I thought maybe it would happen at a track meet for one of the kids, but then it never really worked out to where Alex could get there because he's got three kids, and then. Or at a time when Ben was gonna be there. So it just never happened until it did. And then I was like, yay. So I'm glad that I get to lean into my exhale, because without relief, if you don't let yourself sit in the relief and feel it and, like, then wins will feel exhausting. Even when. Yeah, okay. That's what I heard.

[Amy Brown]

And it sounds like, too. The biggest. One of the biggest parts of this is the unknown. It's. You didn't know how it was going to happen. And that was the most. Probably consuming.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

And I was going to be like.

[Kat]

It was organic, yet I was also able to give a heads up, so nobody was surprised. Like, I didn't know it would happen that night. But at dinner, Ben and I sat by each other and we had a really good conversation. And so I just decided to shoot my shot and say, hey, you know, swing by the house.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah.

[Kat]

I think Vin's parents were probably more nervous than Ben was because they were like, oh, he's coming. Oh, we're going to meet him. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. And then they did, and everyone was great.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Yeah. So.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. Well, also good job, Alex, for meeting the whole fam.

[Kat]

Yeah. Wins or successful moments should feel energizing, not exhausting.

[Amy Brown]

You look energized.

[Kat]

Lean into the relief. Love it. And now we can go anywhere and do anything and run into anybody, and I don't have to freak out. And by anybody, I mean, like, you.

[Amy Brown]

Think you would have freaked out if you ran organically?

[Kat]

I think if we were to organically, like, if we were to run into.

[Amy Brown]

Him just at a restaurant or at.

[Kat]

The mall, I guess it would be okay.

[Amy Brown]

I think you'd be okay. See, that's. The unknown is like, we build it up in our heads. But I think you'd be able to handle it.

[Kat]

And I handled it. I handled it well.

[Amy Brown]

Okay.

[Kat]

Which. Speaking of my relationship, you and I were talking on the phone before we recorded, and I had a kind of an emotional day with my relationship, my. With my widower boyfriend, which I do want to acknowledge really quickly. We got a really nice email from Lindsay, who is a listener that also married a widower, and she sent an email. I'm not gonna read the whole thing, but I did copy and paste it onto our little doc here because I wanted to give her a shout out because she gave me encouragement for talking about my relationship the way that I have, because she knows that she felt the same, even though now they're officially married. I'm just dating one, but he also had kids, and she shared a little bit of her experience becoming a stepmom. And also that she knows there's so many other people that are going through this, and it's a different Type of struggle that not a lot of people may understand. So she was grateful that I was talking about it. So, Lindsay, also, thank you for sending the email because that gave me encouragement to also know that I'm not alone.

[Amy Brown]

And I think also you talking about it. I just wonder if the reason a lot of people aren't talking about these types of relationships and the struggles in them is you don't ever want to say anything wrong because you just wanted to be respectful in everything that you've said when you. You do talk about it. And that keeps people, because they don't. I don't want to say the wrong thing. So that probably did mean a lot to a lot of people who are like, why doesn't anybody talk about. About this? So good for you to be proud of yourself.

[Kat]

So, to anybody out there dating a widower or a widow, do you know there's a difference? Widowers are men and widows are women.

[Amy Brown]

Really?

[Kat]

That was a long pause. What were you thinking about?

[Amy Brown]

I was thinking about what. What I have called people. You don't call a woman a widower. She's a widow.

[Kat]

She's the widow.

[Amy Brown]

Why does that sound sort of like.

[Kat]

Like, well, female, male, widow. Actor. Actress. Waiter.

[Amy Brown]

No, you just say actor now.

[Kat]

Well, then maybe we progress and it's just widow or widow. Which one?

[Amy Brown]

I just was. My pause was I was trying to like. But then I'm like, I don't really use that word often, so I don't know what I say.

[Kat]

I didn't know either until I started dating him.

[Amy Brown]

Did you Google it? You're like, what do I call.

[Kat]

Well, he just started calling. He called himself a widower. And then. Yeah, I think at one point I looked it up and saw that widower, man, widow, woman.

[Amy Brown]

Interesting. All right, well, thanks for that.

[Kat]

So. But dating a widower and the emotions that come with that sometimes. I was crying earlier today talking to Kat about something, and I'm going to quote Kat now. This is the quote of the day. She replied back to me. Good news is your eyebrows held up through the cry.

[Amy Brown]

They did, yeah.

[Kat]

Because if you're. If you're new here. I lasered off my microbladed eyebrows and I've been drawing them on, and it takes me about 10 minutes a day per brow.

[Amy Brown]

And they still look.

[Kat]

Just kidding. I'm getting faster. 10 minutes. Total.

[Amy Brown]

Total. Well, they looked perfect, so you should.

[Kat]

Be, I don't know, perfect.

[Amy Brown]

But, well, they look also, I think, good.

[Kat]

It's funny that you were like, your brows survived the cry when crying Is from the eyes down.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. I don't know how you guys cry, but when I cry, I'm like. And I like rubbing my face.

[Kat]

And also, I have. I think I still. Still have. Probably have makeup on my sleeve because I was like, doing this.

[Amy Brown]

You probably did a very, like, dainty cry. Is that what.

[Kat]

No, it was like, cry. Like. I think I still have streaks in my makeup, but whatever.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. If there is wetness, I could see it getting in my eyebrow. Well, I'm ugly. Cry.

[Kat]

Anyway, quote of the day.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah, quote me.

[Kat]

Yeah. Quote cat. Good news. Is your eyebrows held up through the cry? Okay, so Shannon did a little research. A widow is a woman whose husband has died, while a widower is a man whose wife has died. She's confirming.

[Amy Brown]

Yes.

[Kat]

Both terms are used to describe someone who has lost their spouse through death and has typically not remarried. So.

[Amy Brown]

So you no longer.

[Kat]

If Alex and I get married, is he no longer. He wouldn't be a widower anymore because now he's no longer a husband.

[Amy Brown]

But he still is, though. But he is.

[Kat]

But I'm alive. I marry him.

[Amy Brown]

That means. And at one time, he was.

[Kat]

Okay, he was a widower. Now he's a husband.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. A rewed. Can we call it?

[Kat]

He's a wedded widower.

[Amy Brown]

Why? Yeah.

[Kat]

Okay. Shannon's got it. Remarriage. While the terms are usually used when a person is not remarried, a woman who remarries is no longer referred to as a widow. Similarly, a man who remarries is no longer considered a widower.

[Amy Brown]

The more you know.

[Kat]

These are the facts, the more you know.

[Amy Brown]

Now. Now you guys know how to go into those kinds of conversations prepared.

[Kat]

Yeah. Now you. Now you know. Okay, Kat, I need to know. Did you watch Body in the Snow?

[Amy Brown]

I was wa. For you to ask me this. I watched it and Patrick watched it. Disclaimer. This is a spoiler alert for anybody who has not watched this and wants to watch Body in the Snow, which is a documentary on what was on.

[Kat]

Max.

[Amy Brown]

Max. Okay. It's Karen Reed, by the way. We didn't know if it was Red or Reed.

[Kat]

Yeah, it's read.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, so I can free reign now that I gave the spoiler alert. I. Wait, am I going to say what I think?

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

Okay.

[Kat]

Because we. I do not know.

[Amy Brown]

What should we say at the same time?

[Kat]

Sure.

[Amy Brown]

We're going to say guilty or not guilty. Okay. One, two, three.

[Kat]

I don't know. You think she's guilty? Guilty.

[Amy Brown]

Oh, my gosh. Yes.

[Kat]

Really?

[Amy Brown]

Yes. Also, she is not a likable. Person in that documentary. There is no likability.

[Kat]

Well, I'm trying to figure out what I would be like if I was. You would not be on trial for allegedly murdering my boyfriend. And I was like, I probably wouldn't act like she's acting.

[Amy Brown]

You wouldn't. But also she's from Boston, so I don't. I know personalities are different. And she did say something in the very beginning where she was like, I don't like talking about this because no matter how I answer questions, people are going to pick apart my answer the way they want it to be. So if I smile, it means this, but if I don't smile, it also means this. So I can't do anything right. So I get that. And it must be really hard. I was also wondering, did they know they were going to make a documentary about this trial before the trial? Because why did they film that?

[Kat]

I mean, maybe. I'm not sure.

[Amy Brown]

I was. I was curious because they were. They filmed it while the trial was happening. I just thought that. I've never seen something like that where.

[Kat]

You get this, like, usually it's like inside. Look at what's happening from the get go.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah, yeah. Okay. These are my thoughts. She. Turtle man. You know what I'm talking about? Turtle boy. Interesting part of the show. People are way too invested with her fans, like the fanfare of it all. Very strange. I actually, for the first two episodes thought that she wasn't guilty. And I don't know if it's the evidence that I believe that proves it was her. The evidence isn't that strong. It's the vibe.

[Kat]

Yeah, but I just don't think someone can be guilty because of their vibe.

[Amy Brown]

Well, that's my opinion.

[Kat]

Right?

[Amy Brown]

You put me on the jury.

[Kat]

She is guilty. You put me on the jury and I'm like, whoever spoke last? And I'm like, yeah, yeah. I'm like, wow. Okay. Because every time, like, her guy would speak, I'd be like, oh, man. Got him, Got him.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah, Lawyer's good.

[Kat]

Yeah, he's good. And I was like, she's innocent. And then the other people would speak and I'd be like, oh, my gosh, she did it.

[Amy Brown]

But that prosecutor, I know some help.

[Kat]

He did need some help.

[Amy Brown]

If I was on the jury, I don't think I would. I think I would say, I don't know. I don't. It's not definitive enough for me to put her in jail for the rest of her life. But since I'm not on the jury, I feel more Freedom in saying, I think she did it.

[Kat]

Okay. Which is. It's a mistrial.

[Amy Brown]

But we'll.

[Kat]

We'll keep. We'll quit talking about it in case people want to.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah, okay.

[Kat]

Watch it. And they. Fast forward a little bit. Hey, we're done talking about body in the snow.

[Amy Brown]

Oh, yeah, we're done. You can listen to us now.

[Kat]

Hello? Hello?

[Amy Brown]

Hello.

[Kat]

Yeah, but you gave your verdict, and really, honestly, I. I was dead serious about mine, so I'm telling you is why I couldn't be on a jury. Nope, you don't. If you did something you do not.

[Amy Brown]

Want me, you'd be the person that makes the jury. A hung jury.

[Kat]

Yeah. Like, we'd be in deliberation for, like, a long time. I'd be like, book your hotel rooms. People are gonna be here a while. Can we get some snacks?

[Amy Brown]

How long do you get? Do you know? Like, how long does the jury get until it's a hung jury?

[Kat]

Oh, I don't know.

[Amy Brown]

Maybe.

[Kat]

Shannon, can we get that information? Can we get that? Thanks. Got our fact checker over there. So, wait, you got scammed somehow?

[Amy Brown]

Okay, I'm glad you brought this up.

[Kat]

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[Amy Brown]

I got scammed. The one who's been looking out for your scamming. Got. God.

[Kat]

Yeah, you are. Lay on top of this. How did you get got?

[Amy Brown]

So, you know, last week I told you that your eyeball was as big as a tangerine or a clementine.

[Kat]

Yeah. And I think I even supported that because I'm like, yeah, I've heard. But I feel like it is.

[Amy Brown]

Well, I was telling, I was telling everybody this fact. I posted it on my Instagram. I was telling girls at work.

[Kat]

So what's the scam?

[Amy Brown]

Well, hold on. So one of my therapists at work was like, that doesn't feel right. And I was like, no. This lady that I took her training, she told me she even brought an orange to show me how big an eyeball was. That's how convinced she was that the eyeball was that big.

[Kat]

Okay, but an orange is one size and then a tangerine. And there can be tangerines that are size of a ping pong ball and aren't our eyes is the size of a ping pong ball.

[Amy Brown]

She brought like a. Bingo. Say, are you talking about a bing bong ball or a ping pong ball?

[Kat]

I said, I said, I said a. A ping pong ball. What? A ping pong ball.

[Amy Brown]

Stop. Say slow down.

[Kat]

A ping. I have tangerines in my fridge right now that are the size of a ping pong ball.

[Amy Brown]

Stop.

[Kat]

What is wrong with it?

[Amy Brown]

I want you to breathe and then say ping pong ball.

[Kat]

It's just because I put emphasis probably on pong. Okay. Ping pong pong ball.

[Amy Brown]

Put it together.

[Kat]

Ping pong ball.

[Amy Brown]

Perfect.

[Kat]

Ping pong ball.

[Amy Brown]

You. I thought you were saying bing Bong ball.

[Kat]

No, no, I'm saying ping pong ball.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, okay. I'm not trying to shame the way you talk. Sorry.

[Kat]

Keep going.

[Amy Brown]

I lost my turn. Oh. So anybody. Somebody was like, cat, that's not true. And I was like, yeah, it is. And so I went to Google because I was going to prove it.

[Kat]

Huh.

[Amy Brown]

It's the size of. It is the size of a ping pong ball. A ping pong ball in a clementine orange are not the same. She brought an orange that. Like a clementine that was like a little cutie. It's at least double the size of a. Can we get the size of a clementine orange?

[Kat]

I think that they. They vary. There are some that she brought.

[Amy Brown]

But my point is she brought a big one. She brought one that was not the size of a bing bong ball.

[Kat]

So then you're walking. She brought like a navel orange.

[Amy Brown]

No, no, she brought a clementine, but it was double the size of a ping pong ball.

[Kat]

Okay, well, she just picked up a big one. But I do think they have smaller ones.

[Amy Brown]

My point is, if she thought that the eyeball was the size of a ping pong ball, she would have brought us a ping pong ball. She was saying, the eyeball is huge. It's bigger than you thought it was. This is how big it was.

[Kat]

Right. Okay.

[Amy Brown]

So I believed her because she said, I went to her training, I trusted her. I was paying her a lot of money, and she got me.

[Kat]

So do you think she meant after you peel it? Because sometimes when you remove the skin, what's actually left is smaller.

[Amy Brown]

If she thought it was after you peeled it, then she would have said, your eyeballs the size of a clementine after you peel it.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy Brown]

Or she would have just.

[Kat]

I don't know why. I'm definitely.

[Amy Brown]

I don't even know this lady.

[Kat]

Okay, so clementines are small citrus fruits, generally about 2 inches in diameter.

[Amy Brown]

So double the size.

[Kat]

Yeah. Because. Because ping pong ball is like one inch, right?

[Amy Brown]

It's one inch. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know if she meant. I think she really thinks that. So I don't know who told her that, but I learned a lesson that I. Even if I learned something from a trusted person, I should really critically think about it before I put it on a podcast or.

[Kat]

That's why we fact check everything here.

[Amy Brown]

We're going to start. No, we should have, like, you know, we do.

[Kat]

I'm about to tell you how long a juror has.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, but. Or you know how on armchair Expert. They do fact check at the end of every episode. Episode. We should allow ourselves that grace because sometimes we say things, and I wanted the chance to clear this up. Thank you guys for being with me on this Clementine journey.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

We might have to start fact checking.

[Kat]

You're welcome. Although I think sizes vary, but she did have one there as a demo that was too big.

[Amy Brown]

You really want her to be, because.

[Kat]

Have you ever seen sometimes at Chipotle, do you go to Chipotle and get the kids meal, and it comes with a fruit cup or a bag of chips, and you get the fruit cup, and it's a little, teeny, tiny orange that fits in the cup? It's. It's the size of a ping pong ball.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, but my point with that is that's not the size she brought us.

[Kat]

Okay, I know, but if you were then saying that online, I don't think that you sounded that off. It's not like you were online holding a big orange and being like, this.

[Amy Brown]

Is the size of your offending me. Yeah.

[Kat]

Like I'm saying, like, I don't think you. You came off as a scammer.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. Yeah.

[Kat]

Well, you weren't trying to.

[Amy Brown]

I didn't feel like I was a moron. It was more so like I got got, like, I was a gullible, and I should have thought more critically about that. So I will now be thinking more critically with Google before I share those kinds of facts.

[Kat]

Yeah. So speaking of Google and Shannon, thank you. Now we know there is no fixed time for a jury. There's no specific number of hours or days after which a jury automatically becomes a hung jury. The judge ultimately decides if the jury is deadlocked, and further deliberation won't lead to a verdict, which you did see at the end of the documentary. Won't say exactly what the judge says. But I watched that part twice, actually, because I was like, wait, what? The judge just said, I'm not gonna do that to y' all.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. So can I be honest about something?

[Kat]

What?

[Amy Brown]

I don't think I saw, like, the last 20 minutes.

[Kat]

And you. You didn't see the last 20 minutes, and you're saying she's guilty?

[Amy Brown]

Yeah, I fell asleep, and then I. I. Patrick said, you didn't see the last 20 minutes? And I was like, I think I got it. So maybe I'll go back and watch that part.

[Kat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know that either one of us would be good on a jury.

[Amy Brown]

Your hair looks good today.

[Kat]

Why? What I do does It Because I crimped it or I did the. I have that Little Mermaid, the three prong. Or what's it called? Three Barrel Clamper.

[Amy Brown]

I was just trying to give you a compliment.

[Kat]

Oh, thank you.

[Amy Brown]

And you were starting with why. So I read this article from Psychology Today last weekend, and it was talking about why flattery is so difficult for women, specifically to consume. So I was seeing how you were when you took compliments and you.

[Kat]

That was organized.

[Amy Brown]

Me? Why?

[Kat]

Yeah, that's pretty much what I do.

[Amy Brown]

So.

[Kat]

Yeah. Oh, your makeup looks good. Why?

[Amy Brown]

Or you'd be like, oh, no.

[Kat]

Or I like your outfit. Why?

[Amy Brown]

Is that what you usually say? Why don't you. I got it on sale. Or this. Well, I've had it forever. I always. I always say if somebody says, I like your shirt. Oh, thanks. It was on clearance. It was $5. Like, sometimes I say that even if it wasn't on sale.

[Kat]

Why? I don't know. What a weird thing.

[Amy Brown]

I think sometimes I have to have.

[Kat]

Weird in a bad way. But, like, it's just. That's an odd.

[Amy Brown]

I know. I'm a liar. I'm a liar. Now. It. I think I get. So I don't think you're a liar. That's a lie. If I didn't get on sale and I told you I got it on sale, that's a lie. I'm a liar. Yeah.

[Kat]

That is weird. You weird liar.

[Amy Brown]

So I think I do that because I don't know how to just receive the. It just, like, feels like that can't be true. And this article confirmed that. It was talking about how it brings up about this thing called cognitive dissonance. You know what I mean when I say that I think two things are not able to, like, sit in our brain. Right. I believe, like, if I think my outfit's ugly or if I think that I can't dress well or if I have some negative belief about me and what I look like. Or your hair. Do you have some thoughts about your hair lately?

[Kat]

Yeah, I felt like it was a.

[Amy Brown]

Little frizzy, but yeah, so. Exactly. So you can't receive that because it goes against what I'm already believing.

[Kat]

Oh, yeah. So there's a disconnect.

[Amy Brown]

Yes. And I think also they are saying that paired with women are taught to be, like, modest and not to be, like, boastful. So we don't also want to accept that because it feels like, almost like prideful. We need to be more humble.

[Kat]

Oh, that's. You're just trying to be humble. Thanks. I got it on sale.

[Amy Brown]

I think that's part of it. Like, oh, I can't be like, oh, I know. I love it. Like, what if you said. If I said, I like your hair and you were like, I know, I love it today, that would feel weird, right?

[Kat]

Yeah, I guess it depends on the day or the outfit because, like, I was at I Heart Country Festival the other night, and I was obsessed with my outfit. Like, I loved it. I loved it. And so, yeah, when people compliment, I would say, thank you so much.

[Amy Brown]

Yay.

[Kat]

Although a few people were like, it looks like you maybe need to get some mothballs because, like, a moth was eating at your class.

[Amy Brown]

Was that a guy that said that?

[Kat]

Multiple men.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah, that's what dad, are y' all.

[Kat]

Circulating the mothball joke, like, around backstage?

[Amy Brown]

But that's some. I feel like my dad would always say if you had jeans with holes in them, he'd like, did you pay extra for those holes? That's such a dad. And you're like, he still will say it. Yeah, I'm sure if he saw a picture, I'll show him. I'm gonna send him a picture of your outfit and see what he says.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy Brown]

He'll say, I wonder if she paid extra for those holes.

[Kat]

Yeah, okay, I did. And you tell him she did so. But I did feel confident that night in my outfit. I didn't so much love my hair was like this too. I don't know why I keep doing this way, but it felt a little frizzy to me and I was feeling a little selfish.

[Amy Brown]

I loved your. I told you I liked your hair in the high pony.

[Kat]

Oh, thank you.

[Amy Brown]

Good job.

[Kat]

See, I'm a quick learner.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, well, I have some tips for how to accept compliments, but I thought this was very interesting from this article. And also I want to mention, this article was written by Lindsay Goodwin, so thank you, Lindsay, for this article. I really enjoyed it.

[Kat]

She's a PhD.

[Amy Brown]

She is a doctor.

[Kat]

I only see that here in the notes. I don't have no idea what this is. I just see the headline and I had no idea you were about to compliment me or you needed that. You were like that your intro into this. Cuz I have no idea why I was like, why.

[Amy Brown]

I think you were thrown off because I randomly said that.

[Kat]

So just some insider baseball is. Cat and I, we have our little iPads here, which we're obsessed with. We love that we got, like, iPads. Don't you feel more professional?

[Amy Brown]

Yes. I tried to use this iPad at Work. Cuz I got the pencil thing and I thought this would be a great thing to take notes with cuz I felt like I would feel so, like, oh, let me get my notes out. It's a little distracting. It's super loud. It's what's loud? And I feel like this is too professional for.

[Kat]

It feels like clinical.

[Amy Brown]

Yes. Like, yes.

[Kat]

And you want to be like a warm vibe.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Not clinician.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah. Like, yeah, Anyway, I get that.

[Kat]

So anyway, we have our nifty little iPads and we have a Google Doc and Kat and I both add to it. So, like, we'll have the date of the episode and we'll just throw in like headlines or things. Like, all I see here is, like, how I knew to say, cat, you got scammed. All I see here is cat got scammed, but I had no idea what it was about.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah.

[Kat]

You know.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah, that's.

[Kat]

And. And my color is blue and Cat's color is purple.

[Amy Brown]

And wait, what's green? Oh, that's Shannon. Shannon's green.

[Kat]

So while we're talking, Shannon's over there, you know, looking up things like the size of clementines so that we can, you know, teach you things here. We're trying to educate you.

[Amy Brown]

Did you make purple my color? Because purple's my favorite color.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

Thanks. Okay, back to the facts. I thought this was very interesting. Before I give you the tips, it was talking about how a study found that women deflected or minimized compliments from men 60 of the time when the compliment winner was a woman. I'm gonna ask you this, since you haven't read this. Do you think they rejected it more.

[Kat]

Or less if it was from.

[Amy Brown]

So when a compliment was given by a man to a woman, the women rejected the compliment 60 of the time. When the compliment was given by a woman to a woman, how often do you think they. Do you think it was higher or lower? Like 178.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy Brown]

Isn't that crazy?

[Kat]

So why is that?

[Amy Brown]

I don't know why. It's maybe just because women in general are more likely to feel like they need to be modest, I guess a woman to woman. But I found that was very interesting that I'm gonna accept it from. Maybe we feel like we can be more honest with women. Like, I don't know.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

How? I just thought it was an interesting fact.

[Kat]

We're safe. We feel more safe.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, so I'm gonna give you three tips to accept compliments because I know that I can use these and it sounds like you can too.

[Kat]

I definitely can.

[Amy Brown]

And she said, why it matters. Accepting compliments isn't just about boosting your ego. It's about fostering connection, which to that it is. When you give somebody a compliment, I'm like, oh, my gosh, you did such a good job on that report that you gave in school. Okay, let me start.

[Kat]

Was that a compliment to me?

[Amy Brown]

I don't know where I was going with that. Let me try again.

[Kat]

Okay, try again.

[Amy Brown]

Oh, my gosh, you did so good hosting I heart this weekend. You were just.

[Kat]

Because I wasn't technically host. Bobby was. I was just there doing. I mean, I.

[Amy Brown]

You're already.

[Kat]

I did some things on Hulu and then I did some radio stuff, but yeah, he was the host.

[Amy Brown]

So you're already giving.

[Kat]

I did a couple stage hits, but.

[Amy Brown]

Can I finish my compliment?

[Kat]

Yeah. We're role playing.

[Amy Brown]

You notice what you did there? You did a really good job.

[Kat]

I know. It's exactly what I was doing there.

[Amy Brown]

Okay.

[Kat]

Yeah. I was just letting you know.

[Amy Brown]

You really don't want to accept my compliment.

[Kat]

Okay. But thank you.

[Amy Brown]

So when you do that, it creates like a disconnect between somebody. I'm trying to connect with you saying like, oh, my gosh, I saw some clips that you posted. You look like you said, such a good job.

[Kat]

Thank you.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. If you're like, oh, my gosh, it was horrible, blah, blah, blah, that is like, okay, never mind. So I'm trying to connect with you. And a lot of times when people give compliments, whether or not they mean them or not, it's a point of connection to start a conversation. There are actually tips that people give, like small talk experts or just relationship experts in general. Say, start with something common. You can go up and share a positive note to somebody to start a conversation.

[Kat]

So when we don't accept it or receive it, we're robbing them of the opportunity to connect with us and in ourselves too.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah. So imagine somebody new comes up to you and was like, oh, my gosh, girl, I love your jacket. And you're like, oh, that's so ugly. Now where do we go? Yeah, like, never mind. So just being open to conversation is a. A huge part of that. So why it matters. It's a way to connect with people. When we brush them off, we dismiss the other person's thoughts. And learning to accept praise can rewrite those negative stories in our head. So if I think like, oh, I don't know how to dress. I have such bad style. Well, the more we deflect the compliments, the more we're going to make that story true. The more we accept it, we're like, oh, she likes my outfit, she likes my outfit and she likes my outfit. Maybe I know how to dress.

[Kat]

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[Kat]

My outfit is awesome. I've been trying to rewrite that story in my head in the mornings when I'M getting ready for work. I've been saying over and over, because I don't feel like I get dressed with ease, and I don't. I want to be, like, a little more creative with my outfits, and I just feel like I don't know how to put things together the way that I would like. So in the mornings, right when I wake up, I start this little mantra. Like, I go down the kitchen, I make my coffee, and I'm like, I put on my clothes with ease. I put on my clothes with ease. I go into my closet, and it is so easy for me to pick out clothes. I go, you know, I just do that.

[Amy Brown]

Keep going.

[Kat]

Yeah. And, like, I am creative with my clothes. And then I put on a tiny tan top. Jeans.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. I was gonna say that's so interesting, because I was actually talking to Patrick about. I was like, I feel like Amy always has something cute on when we record, and I never know what to wear. So I was complimenting you without you around. But it's just interesting that you think that. But I think the opposite.

[Kat]

Oh, well, see, I think you look cute, and I love your headband.

[Amy Brown]

Thanks. I'm trying something new. I accepted it.

[Kat]

You did it. Good job. You were like, thanks. I got it on sale. Just kidding. I paid full price.

[Amy Brown]

So to be honest, the only reason I bought it is because it was on sale. That's not a lie. I told Kat that earlier.

[Kat]

Just because you told her that earlier doesn't make it.

[Amy Brown]

Target was doing a sale.

[Kat]

Prove it.

[Amy Brown]

Check it. I'll show you my receipt.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy Brown]

Okay.

[Kat]

Receiver. It didn't happen.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, I'll show it to you later.

[Kat]

That's so funny that that's, like, your lie.

[Amy Brown]

I don't think I always lie, but I've just caught myself before. I'm like, why did I just tell them I got it on sale?

[Kat]

I don't know.

[Amy Brown]

You can't be like, no, I didn't. Never mind.

[Kat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just kidding. I don't know why I said that. I'm a lia. Then they're like, okay, yeah, like, not looking for connection with you anymore. That's for sure. Okay.

[Amy Brown]

But I don't want people to think that I lie to them in general.

[Kat]

No, I get it. Like, it's a. You're trying. It's a. You're uncomfortable.

[Amy Brown]

I will never do it again.

[Kat]

Saying it. Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. So do you want three tips to accept compliments?

[Kat]

Yes.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. The first one, just say thank you and pause.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy Brown]

So thank you. And then in your head, say, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause.

[Kat]

I can imagine people going, thank you, pause. Like, they say that part out loud. Okay, so just thank you, pause. Why? Because this allows the other person to now connect with you more.

[Amy Brown]

Well, I think that is a. Like, an addition to what it brings. Because if I'm not feeling that space, and they can be like, where did you get it? Or they can add something else to whatever compliment they're giving you. But the pause really is. And why I said say it in your brain. It's removing that instinct to give the disclaimer. So. Oh, like, let's. If it wasn't about my outfit, you did really great on your report that you gave in class. Oh, no, I messed up. I forgot this whole part. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You go on and on and on and on and on when you don't have to do that. So it takes that spot away.

[Kat]

Oh, I. I have an example, too, of sometimes we. I don't know if this is related at all.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, let's see.

[Kat]

We'll see. Welcome to my brain. But how sometimes we make things about us when it's not about us. Where. Because it is related. Because someone was trying to give me a compliment, saying I did something well. And this was actually at I heart, I was doing this hit for Hulu because it's streaming live on Hulu, and we do artist interviews backstage. And it's really chaotic back there. It's loud. There's a lot going on. You have a teleprompter, and there's your. Sometimes you have to vamp. And what's vamp? Like a. They call it an accordion segment, but you vamp for however long, maybe 30 seconds. Like, you just have to talk. Talk. There's nothing on the teleprompter. It's like what was on the prompter was 60 seconds, but now the truck. So the trucks are outside, you know, like news trucks where they, like, do all the editing and streaming. So the Hulu truck was outside. So they say. The guys in the truck say, now we need 30 more seconds. So you need to just vamp. Or you need. We need 60 more seconds. Or sometimes even, God forbid, two minutes, which feels like eternity in vamp world. So, you know, going into it that you may have an accordion section. So you kind of have some stories in your mind. But there was a situation where he was setting holding up his iPad with 30 more seconds, but he put it to the right of the camera, and when really under the camera would have been an easier spot for me to see. So I couldn't see otherwise. I'm like, gazing off camera. And I kind of thought the vamping was over, and it wasn't. So then I had to keep going and I was stumbling on my words, whatever. Well, when we got done, the guy with the headset, he was listening to the truck, and I saw him make some face, and I instantly was like, oh, I suck. I didn't handle that well. Like, I messed up and that he made this face. And. Well, then my girl Elizabeth, you know, Fazio, she sent me a text when I, like, 12 hours later, because I guess she talked to some people and she said, hey, by the way, I know you got real worked up. But I got worked up and I let it almost impact my performance for the rest of the night because of his face. And I'm like, no, no, I saw his face. Like, they're disappointed. That was horrible. And she said that the truck had said something completely different to him. It had nothing to do with me. And he made the face. And he also was mad at himself for putting it to the side and not underneath. And, like, the truck sent a whole apology to Elizabeth to forward to me. And they said, let Amy know that was 100% our fault and we take responsibility. And. But it did sort of derail some of my performance the rest of the night because. And I'm reading a prompter on the main stage, and if you start to get nervous, fumbled, and you're all in your head, you're more likely to mess up more. So I had to, like, really use the power of thought to, like, push that face that he made out of my brain. But I. The rest of the night, I definitely still thought it was about me until 12 hours later when she texted me and she was like, amy, that had nothing to do with you. And I was like, oh, well, gosh darn it. I made it about. I made it about me. And so it's just a reminder to, like, don't make up stories, right? You know, we talk about that part, but then also receive the compliment, because at the time, Elizabeth is like standing side shade. She's like, I saw the whole thing. You did great. But I was so worked up about his face that I couldn't receive her compliment.

[Amy Brown]

So this is going to tie into another one of our tips.

[Kat]

Boom. See, I knew.

[Amy Brown]

Thank you.

[Kat]

I knew it was relatable.

[Amy Brown]

So consider the evidence is the second tip when you want to downplay the compliment, Take a second and consider the evidence. People with lower self esteem, or if you just are like, Anxious or have low self esteem about one's thing, self conscious about one thing. They tend to paint themselves with a broad stroke brush, which is like all or nothing black and white thinking. So when somebody gives you a compliment about something, consider the evidence for that compliment versus the evidence against it. So you were thinking about all the negative stuff versus. Wait. Considering all the circumstances, I did a pretty good job with what I was vamping. Vamping. If I had to. Vampire. Sometimes when you say filibuster when we're recording, I'm like, I have nothing in my brain. Like it just goes blank.

[Kat]

So I definitely fumbled. But I mean, I think that's to be expected and a lot. They're like, look, you had to like juggle and you handled it well. But I couldn't receive that. But I feel like you always handle it well.

[Amy Brown]

Well, thank you.

[Kat]

You.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah. Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause.

[Kat]

You're welcome.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, the last tip is revisit your compliments later. I thought this was interesting.

[Kat]

Like with yourself.

[Amy Brown]

Bear with me.

[Kat]

This feels weird.

[Amy Brown]

Maybe keep a compliment journal.

[Kat]

No way.

[Amy Brown]

So.

[Kat]

No.

[Amy Brown]

See? It feels so wrong. But this is why it's not.

[Kat]

I.

[Amy Brown]

Be open. I need you to be open. Can you just give me an open? Thank you. Give me an open. You're giving me bad body language. Be open.

[Kat]

Cryo Cat's like, I'm. I'm gonna tattoo them on my body.

[Amy Brown]

Cat is like, can you actually send me some compliments later so I can put them in my journal?

[Kat]

The thing is, words of. Words of affirmation is that's my love language. Like, I like words about the information.

[Amy Brown]

Why is it weird for you to give them to yourself?

[Kat]

Well, you weren't saying that. I thought you were saying, keep a compliment journal. Compliment you've heard from other people.

[Amy Brown]

Why is that bad? What?

[Kat]

I'm not saying it's bad if somebody else wants to do it. I love that for them. I. I don't see myself at night being like, like, huh.

[Amy Brown]

Today Cat said I didn't get my report.

[Kat]

My hair looked pretty. So this is gonna help me. Okay, fine. I need to do it because I think I have. I don't know that I have low self esteem, but it's. It can dabble down there.

[Amy Brown]

I can dabble in the low self esteem.

[Kat]

It can hang low at times, but I've really been working on it, so.

[Amy Brown]

Well, we all have things that we're self conscious of. Yeah, we have things that we're insecure about. So I guess I was being a little bit judgmental. Of you. What makes you so off put by the idea of a compliment journal?

[Kat]

Well, you want me to take inventory of compliments I received throughout the day and you want me to write them down at night.

[Amy Brown]

Yes.

[Kat]

That just does not sound like something I could do, but I will try. What's off putting? It feels weird.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. It feels wrong. It feels wrong and like, self indulgent. Yeah.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

But that is what cats like.

[Kat]

Like, what are you trying to say I've ever heard.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy Brown]

So speaks to the beginning of this article is talking about how women were taught to downplay their success. And we're taught to be humble. We're taught to, like, not be self ind. Indulgent, and to accept a compliment that feels the opposite. So this is retraining your brain to one be able to receive that and know it's okay for me to, like, know that people think this about me. Also, it's okay if I think this is this about me. But outside of that part, it's good for you to see that. Because when we neglect them, even when we're doing the pause thing in our brain, we might still be like, no pause. No pa. Like, we might still also be having that war in our brain. So if we're writing them down and we are your words, taking inventory of them, it gives us a chance to let them sink in, and then we get to. If we're having. Okay. The best gift I ever received. You actually. Well, I was thinking about this because you asked us at a dinner party months ago. When I met Alex, we did conversation cards. And one of the questions you asked is, what's the best gift you ever received? And I froze. It almost was like I was feeling. You're asking me to vamp. I froze and I said. Do you remember what I said?

[Kat]

I'm trying to think. I'm stuck on what Gracie said because Gracie and her husband was there, too. And that's when we learned that Gracie was the high school mascot.

[Amy Brown]

And that's when I learned that Patrick was his mascot. I didn't even know that.

[Kat]

Yeah. So Kat's husband and Gracie were both high school mascots. So then I don't. That's the. That's my big takeaway from that night.

[Amy Brown]

In the story Gracie told.

[Kat]

I know. Hilarious. So we'll revisit that later. But. So, no, I don't remember your answer to your question.

[Amy Brown]

I said my. This journal that my mom and dad.

[Kat]

The.

[Amy Brown]

The invisible one that had an invisible black light pen that. That was my. Which that gift was cool. I feel like that is co. My favorite gift. I know. I don't know why I didn't think this my favorite gift. I know it is my. And that's why I ended up giving it to you. Was my sister gave me a blessing jar. This is my birthday. Right after I went through a really bad breakup where I was, like, knocking out of bed. I cried every day. And she had all my best friends write down ways that I'm a blessing to them in their life. And then she put them in a jar and we went to dinner. She gave it to me, and I was a puddle of tears. But, like, happy, grateful tears. And that blessing jar I still have, I keep it in my bathroom. I don't read them all the time. I used to every once in a while when I was still trying to build myself back up in that time would read like one a day. And that helped me build my self esteem back up after I'd gone through this horrible, horrible experience. And I still have it because I think it's okay for me to. To acknowledge how other people view me in a positive way.

[Kat]

Yes. And I love that you gave me that too. I love my blessing jar. I have it in my closet. So when I just. Nice to know it's struggling to get dressed. Not really, but I do keep it in my closet. It's in a little, like, nook area with, like, jewelry and whatnot. But I have my blessing jar, and I think that's great. That's notes coming from other people. I think it was just me documenting at the end of the day, writing it down. But I do get the whole exercise. This I. It's kind of the same, but different. We're gonna have to agree to disagree on this. Listen, I'll do this activity for you, this assignment, or I'll try it. But then this is one of those things. If something happens to me, you burn it. I cannot have someone finding my journal of me writing down all the compliments.

[Amy Brown]

Can you imagine on if there's like, a documentary about your life? And they're like. And when we went through her closet, we found a journal where she wrote.

[Kat]

Every comment anybody ever gave her.

[Amy Brown]

Kat said I had beautiful hair today. The other cat told me that I looked good on camera during the country Croc post. Shannon told me. And that's all it was.

[Kat]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

I don't think that would be negative. I think people would be like, she must have been working on her mental health.

[Kat]

Yeah. No, they're gonna think that for sure. Just sit on this podcast, then they'll know this is what she was doing. It was an assignment. Or maybe I put that at the beginning of the journal. This is an assignment from Kat. I don't want to do this. I hate this.

[T Mobile Ad]

This.

[Kat]

If anybody finds this, I. This is homework for my mental health.

[Amy Brown]

Sincerely, Amy if that gets you to do it, I'm fine.

[Kat]

Perfect.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah. Okay.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy Brown]

I can do it.

[Kat]

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[Kat]

Shannon said that keeping birthday cards are notes from family and friends that say something nice. If you keep those around, then you reread them and you come across them, and that can be very helpful for. Yeah, so it's sort of the same thing as, like, the blessing jar.

[Amy Brown]

But y' all, do you keep your cards?

[Kat]

Yeah, I have a shoebox full of some of them. Yeah. Like, from way back.

[Amy Brown]

Some of them.

[Kat]

Some. I don't know what determines when I keep it or when I don't.

[Amy Brown]

I wonder if any of my cards are in there.

[Kat]

Probably.

[Amy Brown]

I probably haven't even given you a card. Yeah. And notoriously, don't put cards and gifts.

[Kat]

Yeah, cat loves cards.

[Amy Brown]

I like getting them.

[Kat]

The other cat, Cryo cats.

[Amy Brown]

Sometimes I'm like, oh, a card.

[Kat]

Yeah, y' all need different names. Therapy cat. Cryo Cat. That's what I call y' all. But. Oh, she's okay. Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

Wait, who calls you Catherine?

[Kat]

That's what she calls herself sometimes.

[Amy Brown]

Catherine's a different person.

[Kat]

She'll be like, catherine's tired of this.

[Amy Brown]

Patrick calls me Catherine when I'm, like, in trouble. I don't know.

[Kat]

Tell us more.

[Amy Brown]

Well, the other day, I.

[Kat]

Catherine's been a bad, bad girl. What do you call him?

[Amy Brown]

I walked right into that. What do I call him when he's a bad boy? You dirty, dirty dog.

[Kat]

No. Well, his full name. He is Patrick. Like, if he was called Pat.

[Amy Brown]

People call him Patty, but I don't call him that.

[Kat]

Patrick Van Buren.

[Amy Brown]

Patrick Thomas.

[Kat]

Patrick.

[Amy Brown]

You know what my mom called me when I got in trouble as a kid? What have I not told you this? Catherine, Mary Elizabeth. Francis. Sally. Brittany. Defata. Get your butt down.

[Kat]

Why are there so many middle names?

[Amy Brown]

She said one day she started adding names when she was mad at me, and that's what she would call me, and I was in trouble. Catherine, Mary.

[Kat]

Mary Elizabeth. Elizabeth.

[Amy Brown]

Francis.

[Kat]

Francis, Sally, Sally, Brittany, Brittany. I could not as a mom. I can barely get, like, one kid's name straight.

[Amy Brown]

Well, yeah, okay, a lot. Maybe she loved me more.

[Kat]

That is a lot.

[Amy Brown]

I love that.

[Kat]

That's funny. Your mom's funny. Hi, if you're listening. Hi, cats. Hi, Catherine.

[Amy Brown]

Wait.

[Kat]

Elizabeth, Brittany, Tina. Dafadas.

[Amy Brown]

Are you adding on? Yeah, I have a question, actually. This is on topic, but kind of off. Off. Have you seen that trend on Tick Tock that's goes into, like, all the different names people call you?

[Kat]

Oh, yes. Yes, I've seen.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. So I want to know what your, like, nicknames are. Like, does your sister call you something? She calls you Sister?

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

Is there another name? Okay, so what are all your names?

[Kat]

Well, I'm BB to my sister and her kids.

[Amy Brown]

Where's that come from?

[Kat]

That's my. My niece was the first one born. My sister's first kid, and I don't know. Her middle name's Elizabeth. My middle name is Elizabeth. And I think, like, maybe Christy was trying to do like an Ebby thing or Elizabeth. I don't know. BB Came out with her first. I don't know if it's like, not quite sure.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, so no real story there?

[Kat]

Yeah, I'll have to ask, but I think it had something to do with like, Elizabeth.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, but Bibi, wait. I love the name Elizabeth.

[Kat]

Thanks. Is that really one of your names, though? What? Is your real name?

[Amy Brown]

On my birth certificate? Yeah, guess which. Which of those names are on my birth certificate.

[Kat]

Oh, I know what it is. Hold on. I know your middle name. Yeah, no, Mary.

[Amy Brown]

Well, Marie wasn't in the names I just listed Catherine.

[Kat]

Mary.

[Amy Brown]

My sister's middle name is Marie.

[Kat]

Yeah, you're M A R Y. Catherine Marie Defada.

[Amy Brown]

No, Mary.

[Kat]

That's what I meant. Okay, she said Marie.

[Amy Brown]

She said Marie. But you just said Marie.

[Kat]

I said Mary. But then.

[Amy Brown]

No, you just said Marie.

[Kat]

I know, but roll back the tape. I know I did, but I said Mary.

[Amy Brown]

It's like Alex, like saying your Uber and your Uber or whatever he called it. Uber.

[Kat]

Uber. He's like, we need to order a Uber. And I was like, you mean Uber? He's like, that's what I said. I know, but I meant Mary.

[Amy Brown]

Well, he meant Uber.

[Kat]

But he said you were.

[Amy Brown]

You said.

[Kat]

Okay, okay, whatever.

[Amy Brown]

What are other names?

[Kat]

BB My pastor calls me Ames.

[Amy Brown]

That's cute. What if you made the real and you're like. Like Hames to my pastor?

[Kat]

I'm trying to think of like anybody that. But some people call me. My boyfriend's son calls me aimster.

[Amy Brown]

Cute.

[Kat]

The 12 year old, that's cute. Yeah. I'd be like, aim, sir.

[Amy Brown]

I feel like that's something that like a dad would call you too. Like, hey, Aimster, how you doing?

[Kat]

Growing up, my neighbor, My neighbor was Jill. Her mom was Susan. Our moms were friends, and she always called me Famous Amos. And I saw her when my cousin's mom passed away a couple of years ago. That's the last time I saw her was at that funeral. And she's still. She's like, Famous Amos. How's it going? Because, you know, there's this famous Amos Cookies.

[Amy Brown]

Yes. They're so good. Yeah.

[Kat]

So I'm trying to think. I don't know that I have any other nicknames.

[Amy Brown]

That's enough. That's a lot. You can make one of those reels, see if it goes viral. Famous Amos to my mom's friends. Cousins. Sisters.

[Kat]

My neighbor.

[Amy Brown]

Neighbors.

[Kat]

No, she was my neighbor growing up. Because I'm like. Yeah, I don't know that I am.

[Amy Brown]

To like what your friends in high school called you. Amy, you have a short name, so I think it's harder to have a nickname for a short name. Amesie. Amesie Amsie is her name.

[Kat]

To cryo Cat, I am princess.

[Amy Brown]

Wait, this would be a funny reel if you did it.

[Kat]

No, it would, because I feel like, so random.

[Amy Brown]

I know, but that would kind of be like. Like, what's it called when you're making, like a spoof of something? A satire. It would be like satire. Ames to my pastor. Oh. Oh, Amos. Amos to my cousin.

[Kat]

I know. To. To my kids, I'm mom. What? That's not right.

[Amy Brown]

It is, but you have to make this real. Now. This is funny.

[Kat]

So how would I do it? I would say from I'm Amy to the government. Okay. To the government, I'm Amy. To my kids, I am Mom. To my sister and her kids, I'm BB to my pastor, I'm Ames. To my neighbor growing up, I just don't think.

[Amy Brown]

And to my friend Cat, I am princess. I think it's funny you put it on Tick tock. Because Tick tock, you can do whatever you want there. I feel like posting stuff. Nobody cares. I think it's funny.

[Kat]

Especially good on Tick tock. Because our feeling things is on Tick tock.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. Okay.

[Kat]

Okay. What are yours?

[Amy Brown]

Mine aren't as good. I.

[Kat]

Well, that's debatable. They probably are better.

[Amy Brown]

So Catherine to some of my family, Cat to my other. Some of my family and friends after college, Cat. Catherine to Little Jesus. Two friends from college at fraternity parties.

[Kat]

Little.

[Amy Brown]

That was my nickname in college. They called me Kitty Cat. And then they called me Lil Jesus. And then it went to lj. I would. That's what people like at fraternity parties would call me. Lj. I was very religious my freshman year of college and I was like, the chaplain of our sorority. I was, like, very into Little Jesus. So I was like, why? None of the guys ever try to take me home freshman year? Probably because I was called Little Jesus.

[Kat]

Oh. I don't want to think about My freshman child being taken home.

[Amy Brown]

Well, I didn't mean it like that. Like, why didn't the guys. Why weren't they buying me drinks?

[Kat]

You didn't mean it that way. You just said it that way, though, Kat. He a liar. You roll the tape, liar. You're like, I got it on sale.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. I wouldn't have probably gone home with them, but I wanted to be invited.

[Kat]

Yeah, like, we just want to get asked.

[Amy Brown]

I just want somebody to try to. No, I don't. Okay, moving on. LJ and the kitty cat and your.

[Kat]

Seers are better then.

[Amy Brown]

Some of my friends call me Kathy. But, like, as a joke, the guys from high school called me Kathy. What?

[Kat]

Oh, I just thought of one from grade school.

[Amy Brown]

What was it?

[Kat]

Motormouth Moffat.

[Amy Brown]

That has to go.

[Kat]

That's my maiden name.

[Amy Brown]

That has to go on there.

[Kat]

Yeah. Was my maiden name. And that's also remember. Because don't you remember when I ran for Treasure in fourth grade?

[Amy Brown]

I wasn't there.

[Kat]

I know, but I've told you this story.

[Amy Brown]

I don't remember.

[Kat]

I'm just kidding.

[Amy Brown]

Okay.

[Kat]

Obviously, we've experienced a lot of life together at this point. Or a lot of stories. So, like, we can't remember everything.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah. Thanks for that. Do you want to share that?

[Kat]

Yeah. I ran for Treasure. I didn't make it. I thank God. Money would have you.

[Amy Brown]

Would you? The vending machines would be free. Is that what you said?

[Kat]

Vote for Amy Moffat. You can't top it. And I had dollar bills all over it.

[Amy Brown]

Oh, cute.

[Kat]

They didn't vote for me.

[Amy Brown]

My nickname in middle school was Catherine. A lot of de fatal. So when they did, like, the morning announcements and read, like, the stats from, like, the soccer games and, like, and four stops from Catherine. A lot of defada.

[Kat]

Because you were stopping the ball.

[Amy Brown]

A lot of. And my last name was Defada. I. Aunt Cat to my nieces and nephews. I don't have any, like, cool names.

[Kat]

I think little Jesus takes the cake.

[Amy Brown]

Lj for sure.

[Kat]

Lj. Yeah. All right, well, lj, where can people find you?

[Amy Brown]

Well, they can find me on Instagram. Tatvanburen. They can find us on Instagram. Ellingthingspodcast.

[Kat]

Yeah. And then I am radioAmy. And before we close, we're gonna get to our email.

[Amy Brown]

It's not your part.

[Kat]

Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. See, I already forgot that.

[Amy Brown]

It's okay.

[Kat]

And you want me to remember the question you answered back in January?

[Amy Brown]

What question did I ask you in January?

[Kat]

You said earlier. Remember? Like, remember we played that game the night I met your boyfriend and we asked like tons of questions.

[Amy Brown]

I already forgot that. That. Okay, ready? Okay, so now it's time for the part of the show.

[Kat]

One day, guys, we're gonna get this down. We're still only in our second month.

[Amy Brown]

Did you watch Veggie Tales?

[Kat]

Some, when I was like, nannying.

[Amy Brown]

Oh, you guys watched it, right? Well, I. When I said now it's time of the part of the show. This isn't gonna make any sense to you because in the show it goes. And now it's time for silly songs with Larry. The part of the show where Larry sings silly song and it sounded the same, you know?

[Kat]

Yeah, no, I'm telling you, I did watch it when I nannied kids, so I know what you' talking about.

[Amy Brown]

Well, you made it seem like it was losers.

[Kat]

No, I was making it seem that I'm older than you.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, okay, so it's okay. But it was cool that I watched it.

[Kat]

A slight dig at my age.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, I just want you to tell me it was cool that I watched it.

[Kat]

Oh, it's cool.

[Amy Brown]

Okay.

[Kat]

Veggie tails. Veggie tails. Veggie tails. Veggie tails. See, I know.

[Amy Brown]

Sweet.

[Kat]

Okay, now ready?

[Amy Brown]

Are you ready for the email.

[Kat]

Of the day?

[Amy Brown]

That was really good. Okay, wait, I'm not supposed to say that. You want me to do it again?

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

Now it's time for the email of the day.

[Kat]

Hi. Was listening to your recent podcast and wanted to drop a note saying that I am a male listener in Montana. I have been a long time Bobby bone show listener and love lov in all caps. This new podcast for y' all. Great content that I can relate to, and I think it's hitting a much needed area of content that is overlooked. Keep up the good work and positive vibes. Pete from Montana, put that in your journal tonight. Cryo cat wants me to journal. Pete thinks that we're relatable in a much needed area that's overlooked. So thank you, Pete. And we should get a bell for like, you know, like every time we do this, an angel gets their wings or whatever, we get a little bell. That's like every male listener we get.

[Amy Brown]

We'Re like, wait, that's a great idea.

[Kat]

Because I think now we have like, with Pete's 13.

[Amy Brown]

No, we're up to at least 13. That's it.

[Kat]

We're growing with our male listeners.

[Amy Brown]

And thanks for the email. And so if.

[Kat]

If every male listener, all 13 of you could. Could just pass this episode or any episode the whole podcast to your show. Pass it on to your one male that you know. Then we're up to 26.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah, it can be like a. Pass it in an email chain and say if you don't forward this to four of your friends, you will die. And if you. If you do pass it to four of your friends, Justin Timberlake will show up in your right bedroom.

[Kat]

Sincerely, Little Jesus. Right. Yes.

[Amy Brown]

If Jesus says it, then it must be true. Okay, That's a great idea. Okay.

[Kat]

All right. Well, have the day you need to have.

[Amy Brown]

Bye.

[Kat]

Bye. Hey, it's Amy here with news on the top shelf. Country Cruise setting sail February 27th to March 6th, 2026. And this isn't just a cruise. It's a country music experience at sea. And we've got an amazing lineup of live performances each night from country superstars like Keith Urban, lee Brice, Scotty McCreary, Parmalee, and LeAnn Rimes. And it doesn't end there. We're also going to be stopping in stunning destinations along the way. Go to topshelfcountrycruise.com to book any available stateroom. Hurry, because these spots are filling up fast. Behind every successful business is a vision. Bringing it to life takes more than effort. It takes the right financial foundation and support. That's where Chase for Business comes in. With convenient digital tools, helpful resources, and personalized guidance, we can help your business forge ahead confidently. Learn [e-mail] business chase for business make more of what's yours. The Chase mobile app is available for select mobile devices. Message and data rates may apply. J.P. morgan Chase Bank NA Member FDIC Copyright 2025 J.P. morgan Chase & Co.

[Amy Brown]

At California Psychics, we know some people can't read the career warning signs like your boss. Still not knowing your name. You, Tina, Lisa, Sheila, whatever.

[Kat]

Get that report to me by lunch, okay?

[Amy Brown]

It's Carrie, ma' am.

[Kat]

Just get it done, Terry.

[Amy Brown]

So talk to California Psychics and receive the career guidance you need. We only connect you with the very best, so guarantee if your reading isn't life changing, it's free. California psychics. Visit CaliforniaPsychics. Visit CaliforniaPsychics.com today for limited time offers. You're listening to an I Heart podcast.