FEELING THINGS - Healing After Abuse + Are My Parents Gambling Addicts? (Couch Talks)

Summary

The Bobby Bones Show — “FEELING THINGS: Healing After Abuse + Are My Parents Gambling Addicts?” (Couch Talks)

Podcast: The Bobby Bones Show
Episode: “FEELING THINGS - Healing After Abuse + Are My Parents Gambling Addicts? (Couch Talks)”
Date: August 9, 2026
Hosts: Amy & Kat

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Episode Overview

This emotionally resonant episode of Couch Talks, the Q&A segment of the “Feeling Things” podcast, explores two heavy listener emails: first, a survivor’s struggle with healing after abuse and seeing her abuser move on, and second, an adult child’s heartbreak over her parents’ apparent gambling addiction. The hosts, Amy and Kat, offer thoughtful insights, personal anecdotes, and practical advice for navigating big, tough feelings. The episode finishes with lighter moments, including a voicemail from a skydiver and an amusing tangent about risk-taking.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Healing After Abuse: “Why Does My Abuser Get a Fresh Start?”

[03:16–19:19]

Email Summary & Trigger Warning

• Listener “V from Virginia” (age 25) writes in about her past abusive relationship involving emotional, physical, and psychological abuse. The ex-partner was an addict and manipulator who has abandoned his responsibilities, yet appears happy and in a new relationship on Facebook.
• V’s questions:
  • How to accept possibly never getting justice or an apology?
  • How to move forward while her abuser seems rewarded with happiness?
  • How to maintain hope when she’s left with the consequences?

Kat & Amy’s Response

a. Social Media ≠ Reality

• Kat: “What you see on Facebook and Instagram isn’t real life. …Maybe not even look at his stuff. But if you do, look at it with a filter.” [05:05]
• Amy: “He’s a liar… Anyone can put anything… You have to question things before you believe them. I hate that because it feels very cynical, but we should not just—I end up hurting my own feelings by doing that.” [07:24]

b. Radical Acceptance & Boundaries

• Kat introduces “radical acceptance” as a tool for coping: “You have to look at the type of person you’re dealing with… You’re getting tools that will help you radically accept that he’s the type of person you may not get [justice or closure] from.” [11:47]
• Amy: “What becomes more important about him getting what he deserves is that you get what you deserve… You one day will have a relationship that brings you joy and feels safe and loving, and that is more important. Your life is more important than what happens to him.” [12:34]

c. Cutting Off Access Is Necessary

• Both agree safety is paramount:
  • Amy: “This person is very unsafe… They don’t need access to any part of your life.” [11:20]
  • Kat: “If friends are sending [you] info about him, maybe ask them not to.” [13:01]

d. Meaning from Pain & Holding onto Hope

• Amy paraphrases a meaningful quote (inspired by a Stephen Colbert interview): “I have a lot of gratitude for the things that have hurt me in my life. Not because I’m happy that they’ve happened, but because that is what connects us to other human beings… To be able to hear someone’s story and have compassion and help them through something.” [16:08]
• Kat: On holding hope, shares her own journey with adoption: “My story wasn’t working out… My story shifted, and your story is shifting. This is a completely different chapter that you now get to write for yourself. And thank goodness he’s not a part of it… Have a little way for you to remember that hope is there; you’re doing the work.” [17:18]

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2. “Are My Parents Gambling Addicts?”

[22:01–35:17]

Email Summary

• Anonymous listener, age 35, worries her parents (mid-60s) have a gambling addiction. They spend lots of time at the casino and are much less engaged with her or their grandkids than with gambling. The listener wonders:
  • Is she being too critical?
  • Where is the line between a hobby and addiction?
  • How can she address her feelings and concerns with her parents?

Kat & Amy’s Response

a. It’s OK to Feel Sadness and Concern

• Amy: “I don’t hear you being critical. I hear a lot of sadness and fear.” [27:48]
• Kat: “You’re not seeing all your parents’ behaviors… Gambling addictions can be more insidious because you can hide… some of the repercussions.” [28:35]

b. Focus Less on Labeling, More on Connection

• Amy: “Don’t focus so much on ‘are they addicts?’… Instead, talk about what this hobby feels like it’s taking from you and your family.” [29:30]
• Kat: Recommends the “intentional dialogue script”—share your feelings directly but non-accusatorily. [31:00]

Sample Script:

• Amy (roleplaying): “When I request that you spend more time with us and it doesn’t happen… I feel hurt and sad. The story I tell myself is the casino is more important to you, and you get more joy from gambling than from our family. What I need is more time with you.” [32:02–32:38]

c. Keeping the Conversation Safe & Productive

• Amy recommends keeping it short and asking them to repeat what they heard, to reduce defensiveness:
  • “As soon as you start… confrontation… people get defensive. …Repeating is really helpful.” [34:04]
• Kat: “The hope is that they realize they’ve been neglecting… so they can assess how to prioritize their time.” [34:45]

d. Acceptance of What You Can’t Control

• Amy: “What happens after [sharing your feelings] is out of your control… We can’t control people, which sucks.” [35:03]

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3. Lightening the Mood: Risk-Taking & Skydiving

[40:59–51:52]

Voicemail: “Skydiving Passion”

• Maria from Plano, TX, a passionate skydiver (700+ jumps), shares encouragement for Amy and Kat to skydive.
• “I think it’s something everybody should try at least once. You get a whole different perspective of life and the world.” [44:09]

Discussion: Taking Risks, Adventure, & Fear

• Kat & Amy candidly discuss their own risk-aversion:
  • Amy: “I am risk averse when it comes to safety… I will say I admire when other people can have more risk-taking in their lives.” [48:41]
  • Kat: “I’m, like, so slow [on a jet ski]… Water sports freak me out.” [49:06]
  • Amy: “Last time I was on a jet ski… five minutes, and I was like, ‘Take me back.’” [50:04]
• Quick debate: Paragliding/parasailing with kids: is it child abuse or adventure? Reflects on judgment and parenthood. [41:01–43:02]
• Kat: “That is so cool that you and your husband have found something you enjoy… and are traveling the world doing it.” [47:25]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You have to look at the type of person you're dealing with… You're getting the tools that will help you radically accept that he's the type of person you may not get [justice or closure] from.” – Kat [11:47]
• “What becomes more important about him getting what he deserves is that you get what you deserve… Your life is more important than what happens to him.” – Amy [12:34]
• “I have a lot of gratitude for the things that have hurt me in my life. Not because I’m happy that they have happened, but because that is what connects us to other human beings.” – Amy, paraphrasing [16:08]
• “Don’t focus so much on ‘are they addicts?’… Instead, talk about what this hobby feels like it’s taking from you and your family.” – Amy [29:30]
• “Repeating is really helpful. …What I heard you say is this. …Did I get it right?” – Amy [34:04]
• “When I request that you spend more time with us and it doesn’t happen… I feel hurt and sad. …What I need is more time with you.” – Amy, sample script [32:02–32:38]
• “I think it’s something everybody should try at least once. You get a whole different perspective of life and the world…” – Maria, skydiver [44:09]
• “I am risk averse when it comes to safety… but I admire when other people can have more risk-taking in their lives.” – Amy [48:41]

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Segment Timestamps

| Time | Segment/Topic | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:16 | Start of Q&A; V’s email about healing after abuse | | 05:05 | On social media and “false happiness” | | 11:47 | Radical acceptance and boundaries in healing | | 12:34 | Shifting focus from revenge to self-worth | | 16:08 | Quote about pain connecting us | | 17:18 | Kat’s hope story—adoption and shifting narratives | | 22:01 | Second email: Are my parents gambling addicts? | | 27:48 | Amy & Kat unpacking addiction vs. concern | | 31:00 | “Intentional dialogue” script and communication suggestions | | 35:03 | Acceptance of lack of control | | 40:59 | Voicemail from Maria—avid skydiver | | 44:09 | Maria’s passionate advocacy for trying new adventures | | 48:41 | Hosts reflect on personal risk aversion and adventure |

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Final Thoughts

Amy and Kat approach these heavy topics with warmth, compassion, and useful, relatable tools. They validate listeners’ feelings, encourage healthy boundaries, and offer communication strategies for difficult conversations. The episode’s open, honest tone and willingness to admit uncertainty underscore the show’s true-to-its-name commitment to “feeling things”—and finding connection, humor, and hope as we do.

Ways to participate:
Listeners invited to send questions or voicemails for future “Couch Talks” via email ([e-mail]) or phone [phone]).

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Transcript

[Amy]

This is an I Heart podcast. Guaranteed human.

[Kat]

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[Amy]

Talks can be a tool that helps and supports wherever you are in life, couchtox does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy or any mental health services.

[Intro Voice]

1, 2, 3 hey. All right, break it down. If you ever have feelings that you just want some, maybe a cat got you covered like a num brother. Ladies and fellas, we just follow in the spirit where it tell us from the real stuff to the chill stuff and the in between. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just stop and feel things. This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat.

[Kat]

Happy Thursday. Welcome to Couch Talks, our Q and A episode to the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy. And I'm Katie and we're gonna start off with a pretty powerful email and I'm gonna paraphrase it because it was incredibly long and we'll just get right into it, okay? And the the topic is not light. There's a trigger warning. She even gave us a trigger warning. I'll read that as part of the email. It starts off, hey, my name is V. I'm 25 years old from Virginia. V from Virginia.

[Amy]

I love we.

[Kat]

You love an alliteration trigger warning. This email includes references to abuse, addiction, and suicide threats. I want to preface this by saying that you're welcome to read, share or paraphrase any part of this email on the podcast at your discretion. So after that line, we paraphrased and condensed everything that V had to share so the details that you need to know to understand her question for us. She was in a severely abusive relationship, emotional, physical, and psychological. He was an alcoholic and an addict who cheated, lied, made suicide threats. He held weapons to his head, forced her to watch, and at one point he actually fired a gun into a voicemail to make her think that he had taken his life. Every time she tried to leave, he pulled her back in through manipulation, threats, or empty promises. She became pregnant and he abandoned her during the entire pregnancy. After she gave birth, he denied being the father, called her horrible names, and threatened to take their daughter away while simultaneously offering to disappear forever for $1,000. He's never met his daughter. She has since seen on Facebook that he appears to be happy, committed, or in a happy, committed relationship with someone else. She herself has been in therapy for a year and is starting EMDR with a new therapist. Her actual questions that she included in the email how do you accept that there may never be justice, accountability, or an apology? How do you move forward when the person who Caused all the harm, appears to have gotten a fresh start. Start while you are still carrying the consequences. And how do you hold on to hope for your own future when his apparent happiness feels like proof that he was rewarded and you were discarded? So I told you we were starting off heavy and out of the gate. This isn't even into the deep stuff. This is just such a reminder to all of us what you see on Facebook and Instagram isn't real life. So I think that's one thing you can do for yourself is maybe not even look at his stuff. But if you do look at it with a filter of. You even use that he appears to be happy in another relationship with someone else. You know, the torment you went through with him. I don't know a person, if that's how they operate in life, their relationship is probably not happy unless he's done some real work and he's gotten healing and he's a completely different person because they may appear happy, but I just doubt that's the case.

[Amy]

Yeah. And it's clear. He. He is really good at manipulating and he's a. He's a liar. And he. From this email, I don't know this person. But all of these. If all of these things are true, then he's not going to snap his fingers and start dating somebody else and be a completely different person to that person. However, he might want you to think that, like.

[Kat]

And everybody else.

[Amy]

And everybody else.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

And so I. As hard as that is, I feel like it's. That's kind of some of that advice that people let go, one in one ear and out the other. Because you hear it so often. But you hear it so often because it is so true. We talk about this all the time in general. Not even about exes and stuff, but just in general being careful of the things that you see on Instagram, like that people are selling or whatever it is that they might say that this is working for them, but we don't really know that. So this is the same idea, just at a very higher risk level that, yeah, they. He can. Anybody can put anything. Also. Also, you can make a lot of fake stuff now, like on AI and chat gbt. Like, you can wait.

[Kat]

Do you think his girlfriend's AI?

[Amy]

It could be. It could be. I mean, I haven't used, like, the photo stuff that often, but even this last week I typed in there and was like, can you put curtains on my window? And it looks like a real photo. And it looks like, so, oh, you

[Kat]

know, on Tuesday's episode. I was telling you about my friend's Hinge profile, and we were going through the 50 men that had sent her a rose or whatever, and one of them, I thought, oh, my gosh, wait, this guy is cute. And, oh, he's a surgeon. I mean, there was all this stuff.

[Mariah]

She.

[Kat]

And then as we scrolled, she was like, no, this is AI. And I was like, wait, there's AI people on Hinge? And he gave his Instagram that you could look up to. And we looked up the Instagram, and so much about it seemed so fake. And remember Cryo Cat? I think on Raya, that dating app you have to get invited to, I think she got scammed by AI photos or some fake photos, and she thought he was some Italian model. And she's like, look at this guy that's into me. I mean, well, and she's beautiful. So I thought, okay, yeah, this Italian model might be into her. Like, I don't know. But turns out it was total scam situation, and it was through a dating app. And so. That's a really good point. Like, what? It's. It's kind of everywhere, and we need to be aware of it. In some places, like on Instagram now, it needs to be labeled. Like, if you upload something AI, like, it'll give a tag that says that. But I don't know if Facebook.

[Amy]

Sometimes I feel like you can get away with it. Like, I. I just. There's probably loopholes, and. And I'm not saying this guy is, like, made up an AI girlfriend, but I'm just saying, like, you. Now is the time where you. We have to question things before we believe them. Which I hate that because it feels very cynical, but we should not just. I'm the kind of person who wants to believe the good in everything, but I've learned time and time again, you can't do that because I end up hurting my own feelings by doing that. So I would encourage her to take everything she sees with a very large grain of salt. And also just let's say he is in a new relationship and he's happy. Does that now make you want to be back with him? Because your relationship doesn't sound like anything that you ever wanted, and he has hurt you. He doesn't deserve to be in your life. He probably doesn't deserve to be in his daughter's life at this point. Like, to respect yourself, we have to create boundaries and not allow people, even if they've changed. Like, because we have been hurt in some ways, sometimes it's okay to say, like, good for you. I'm so glad that you are. When you don't have to be glad, but, like, good for you that you've created this new life for yourself. I deserve somebody who would have never done that to me.

[Kat]

I wonder if it would be helpful for her to mute his account so that she doesn't have to even see it.

[Amy]

I've also one of my first thoughts was, like, somebody could have sent her these photos. I don't know. Maybe she's not Facebook friends with him, but if she is, I would highly recommend cut off any kind of. Any kind of access you have to his life and he has to your life because he is an. To me, this is. If all of this is true. Again, we can't give, like, actual advice because we don't know this person. This is a podcast. But to me, this person is very unsafe.

[Kat]

Very.

[Amy]

So they don't need access to any part of your life. And for. You're asking, like, how do I, like, accept and move on? Part of that is cutting off this part of. Of your life. And we've talked recently about how sometimes we're quick to cut off and sever relationships. This is one of those situations that it makes sense. Like, he didn't just hurt your feelings one time. He endangered you.

[Kat]

Yeah. And having to deal with the fact that there may never be justice, accountability, or an apology, that's where radical acceptance comes in.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

You have to look at the type of person that you're dealing with. You have started there, or you've been doing therapy for a year. You're starting emdr, you're getting the tools that you need that will help you radically accept that he's the type of person you may not get that from.

[Amy]

And what I like to think with that is I. I get that. I get it because I also would want justice.

[Kat]

Yes. The queen of justice.

[Amy]

How many times have I. Well, I recently talked about my Yelp review, but I oftentimes am like, I'm gonna write a review for this.

[Kat]

This is not right, and it's not fair.

[Amy]

But what I would hope for her is that what becomes more important about him getting what he deserves is that you get what you deserve. So what kind of life are you living? Like, you're doing the work to heal from this. You one day will have a relationship that brings you joy and feels safe and loving, and that is more important. Your life is more important than what happens to him.

[Kat]

And the type of life you get to provide for your daughter your daughter. And that's so there's radical acceptance in there. There's also you doing what you need to do for your life, which is you're already doing it, minus the you may need to. However, you're getting access to his Facebook information and if friends are sending that to you, maybe you ask friends like, hey, I don't. I'd rather not know. Unless it's information that I need because of my daughter. I probably don't need to know what's going on with his life and his relationship. Slots fans, the wait is over. Lightning Link is available online for the first time ever, and DraftKings Casino has it. In fact, DraftKings Casino is your home of Lightning Link. New casino players can play five bucks and get 1,000 spins, including 500 Lightning Link spins. That's 50 spins a day at varying values for your first 20 days. Strike now. To claim your offer, download the DraftKings contest casino app and sign up with Code Feeling Things. Then spin Lightning Link high stakes, anywhere, anytime. The crown is yours. In partnership with DraftKings Casino Gambling Problem

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[Kat]

That question was how do I move forward when the person who caused harm appears to have gotten a fresh start? Well, you're getting a new start too, because you've gotten him out of your life. So I would shift perspective on thank goodness you're out from under that because you could still be stuck there. So this is a fresh start for you, and you've already started with the tools that you have. And then you get to move and form your path. And what is now possible from this? How do you get to come alongside and support other people that have gone through something similar? It may not be right away, but then that's one of the ways we get to use our pain to help others.

[Amy]

Did you see that interview? I wish I knew who it was with. I want to say with Stephen Colbert and somebody else, but I could be wrong. But it was asking like one of them. How do you deal with like the hardest parts of your Life and these things that you've been through. Is this ringing a bell to you?

[Kat]

Nope.

[Amy]

Okay. Well, his response was, this will make me cry. I've been doing so good.

[Kat]

His response was, Kat's seven and a half months pregnant, by the way, in case you happen to be tuning in for the very first time. Not all of our emails are this heavy.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

And. But Kat does cry a lot.

[Amy]

He's. I'm paraphrasing. He said it much more eloquently. But it just felt so good. And it's so true. He said, I have a lot of gratitude for the things that have hurt me in my life. Not because I'm happy that they have happened, but because that is what connects us to other human beings. Being able to relate to somebody else and be able to be. To able hear somebody else's story and have compassion for them and be able to help them through something. Those are the most meaningful parts of relationships. Yes. It's fun to, like, go to parties and go on vacations and do all this stuff, but the most meaningful parts of life are when you are going through something and I can be there for you and I can understand you. So that's how I have gratitude for and can accept that these things have happened to me is because I have to believe that they are there to bring me closer to other people and connect me to people. I did pretty good getting through that, actually.

[Kat]

You did.

[Amy]

So there's that. I wish I had that video because then I would send that to this person if that. It was a. It's. That was really helpful to hear. But I think all that's true.

[Kat]

Yeah. And I think that if you're wondering how to hold on to hope, like, to me, I have to cling to hope at times when it doesn't. I even tattooed it on my arm whenever I was in the process of adoption. Like my husband and I at the time. It took us five years to get our kids from Haiti. And espoir means hope in Haitian Creole. And I tattooed a spa on my wrist so that every day I would look at it and I was reminded to. To keep the faith and to have hope. And you may need to just have little reminders for yourself. Doesn't mean it has to be a tattoo. But my story wasn't working out the way I thought I. But I had to surrender my dream of getting pregnant and having babies. That storyline shifted completely. And becoming a mom happened in a way that I never would have imagined for myself at all whatsoever. Not only did we end up not ever having a baby. Then we were going to adopt a baby and we didn't even adopt a baby. We adopted two older children. So everything looked different. Like I never got to change diapers or wake up in the middle of the night because they're crying and hold them. And like, there's a lot of things that I was looking forward to when it came to becoming a mom that I had to, you know, I had hope for that too. Every. And then my period would come and every time that would be this vicious cycle of crying and then starting that. But then this, this, my story shifted and your story is shifting. Like this is a completely different chapter that you now get to write for yourself. And thank goodness he's not a part of it. So have a little way for you to remember that hope is there, you're doing the work, and these are going to be some beautiful chapters with you and your daughter. And I'm so sorry that you went through this with this guy who just seems very unwell.

[Amy]

Yeah. To put it lightly.

[Kat]

To put it lightly. All right, next email. This is from. Oh, it's supposed to be anonymous.

[Ad]

Yep.

[Kat]

Literally in bold. Keep this anonymous, please. So, but we can say they're. Well, I don't even know if we should say where they're from.

[Amy]

No, dang.

[Kat]

They're from America.

[Amy]

Which we do need to clarify because we're international.

[Kat]

Yes, we do have listeners in Canada and. Well, it was so in Africa somewhere.

[Amy]

Yeah. Yeah. Kenya.

[Kat]

Whoa. Nigeria.

[Amy]

Nigeria, I think.

[Kat]

Yeah, it's 1:1% Nigeria.

[Amy]

I feel like we had an Australian. I'm sure we did. Was somebody vacationing in Australia?

[Kat]

We need to pull up that map again. That gives us the percentages of like, who's listening where. So just know this. Persons in America. Okay, quick break. This is for any parent or caregiver of a child that experiences allergic reactions from food, medicine, insects, or other allergy triggers. This time of year can feel like a lot. Summer activities, camps, travel, and getting ready for back to school. You're doing everything to make sure that your child is safe wherever you are. Educating coaches, teachers, other parents on your child's allergy, scheduling doctor's appointments, filling out camp and school forms, and the million other things that come with managing your child's allergies. But at some point, you have to trust that they'll be okay if an allergic reaction happens when you aren't there. Which is why I want to tell you about nefi, the only needle free epinephrine nasal spray for those who weigh 33 pounds or more. It's used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Nefi works as well as a needle injector and delivers the same trusted epinephrine. It's designed to be safe and easy to use at first sign of symptoms, so in a high stress moment, your child or someone else can act quickly to treat an allergic reaction, even if you're not there. NEFI is also small, discreet and easy to carry, including in a backpack, lunchbox or sports bag, so your child is prepared anywhere the day takes them. Pay as little as $0 for at least four Nefi devices through the Copay Savings Program with commercial insurance. If eligible, patients should not pay more than $199 for NEFI.

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They're a vet recommended dental treat made with natural ingredients plus vitamins, minerals and nutrients. Rawhide free, easy to chew and digest and the unique flexible texture makes them bendable so they won't snap. Honestly, Greenies dental treats are the best part of my dog Cara's Day. Start your dog's oral care routine today, including a daily Greenies dental treat and turn health into something pets can't help but love. Greenies make health a treat. Shop [e-mail] Health insurance should make getting care easier, but sometimes it can feel like the opposite. That's why UnitedHealthcare is committed to putting care at the heart of health insurance with empathy, transparency and real human connection. I mean, doesn't care feel different when it's personal? When you can tell that the person on the other end of the phone, the screen and the Service genuinely cares? UnitedHealthcare is working to make that happen every day. They're also helping people make health care decisions with confidence, giving them the information they need to better understand their benefits, costs and claims. Because UnitedHealthcare knows when you understand that stuff, you can better get the care you and your family need. You know, care can show up in a lot of ways and everyone at UnitedHealthcare is committed to bringing it every day. Learn more about how UnitedHealthcare is committed to [e-mail] SL Care. Hey Amy and Kat, I'm processing some big feelings regarding my parents and reaching out to get some advice on this situation. I'm 35 years old, happily married, two children. My parents are in their mid-60s and I believe they both have a gambling addiction. First, I love my parents dearly. They own a business and they are very blessed financially and while I do not know the details of their gambling wins and losses, I definitely only hear about the wins and perks of being their elite status at the casino. Lol. But I do have serious concerns of how gambling affects their mental and physical health along with fears of what this hobby slash addiction could be doing to them Financially. My parents are the most excited and happiest when they are at the casino or talking about their recent trip to the casino. Outside of those times, they are fairly negative people. Gambling brings them the most joy in life. I have my two children, their only grandchildren and they enjoy spending time with them, but they rarely come to visit or ask about their grandchildren unless I reach out for context. I live two hours from them and the casino is an hour 45 from them. The other direction. It makes me incredibly sad that my parents will randomly drive to the casino on a weeknight or spend every other weekend there when I. I've mentioned that their grandchildren would like to see them and would appreciate help occasionally during the week if their schedule would allow. Am I being too critical of the thing that brings them the most joy? How can I address this with them? How do you truly know that a gambling hobby might just that it's just a hobby or it could actually be an addiction? Thank you for any and all advice. Have the day you need to have your friend. Anonymous from America,

[Amy]

which I had that thought because you clarified it is I wonder if there, there have to be casinos in other countries, right?

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Okay, I just had that thought. You know how some states it's illegal in some states it's legal. That like I didn't know if other countries. I'm sure some countries, Iran do it at all.

[Mariah]

Yeah.

[Amy]

So clearly that's not the country that this person would be emailing from. Okay, I have some thoughts. Do you have some thoughts? Can I just jump in?

[Kat]

Jump in Therapist.

[Amy]

So the. There's some main questions you want to us to address and one of them was am I being too critical of the thing that brings them the most joy? I don't hear. I love the introspection of am I being too hard on them? I don't hear you being critical. I hear a lot of sadness and fear, which to me isn't being a critic. It's just having emotions towards what you're seeing. So we can't diagnose somebody? Well, I was gonna say we can't diagnose somebody having an addiction without, you know, having them kind of be part of the process. However, that's not true because we can see behaviors but you're not seeing all of your parents behaviors.

[Kat]

Exactly.

[Amy]

So we can't.

[Kat]

And we're certainly not.

[Amy]

Yeah, we're definitely not. So I think you're not going to be able to see if this is truly an addiction for them because you don't have. You're not privy to all of the information. I think gambling addictions can be more insidious because you can hide for, to an extent, some of the repercussions versus if you're an alcoholic or you're a drug addict or something like that. You're oftentimes you're out in public and those things are being shown more often and the consequences can be seen to other people more often.

[Kat]

Bloodshot eyes, slurring words.

[Amy]

Right.

[Kat]

Like without access to their bank account and seeing.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

And how much time they're actually sitting there. But I guess, true. It doesn't matter if they're in debt. It can still be an addiction.

[Amy]

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. They could be doing really great and they're still addicted to it.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy]

So what I would encourage you to do is not so much focus on, are my parents gambling addicts? Because that is going. You're not going to really be able to figure that out. And I don't know if that's the most important thing in this moment. It's that you have a lot of feelings about what their hobby feels like it's taking from you and your family. And so could you have a conversation with them about literally what you said in this email? I think it was really well written. It makes me incredibly sad that my parents will drive to this casino on a weeknight and spend every other weekend there when I've mentioned that their grandchildren and daughter would like to see them. What would happen if you said that to them? Like, I feel really sad because I see you doing all this and you talk about going to the casino and I'm so happy that you found you have this hobby that brings you joy and it, it. I feel hurt when you choose that over us. And so is there a way to. To spend more time together or is there something going on that I don't know about? And then what you do after that is out of your control. Like what happens after that is out of your control. But I would highly, highly recommend sharing those feelings, not the accusatory ones, which I don't. I. I think again, this was very well written. I don't hear her being like, my parents are terrible and they're this. And they're ruining their life. And this is genuine concern and genuine feelings that I would be, I think, is fair to share with them.

[Kat]

Yeah, I think. Is this where the intentional dialogue script could come into play.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

So I don't know if you've heard us mention that script in the past, but it's a fill in the blank. So you say when you. So I'll. I'll do it.

[Amy]

Say when blank.

[Kat]

Okay. Okay.

[Amy]

Because you want to try to not use.

[Kat]

Well, that's in our script. You know that, right?

[Amy]

It is. Did you take that? Okay, well, let's edit that. I would just. Because when you, when we, if you start it especially.

[Kat]

I know you don't want to like say you. You language.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Because then people get on the defense. So I agree with that. But that's been.

[Amy]

Sometimes you can't avoid it. Yeah, yeah.

[Kat]

So. Okay, when you fill it in what she. Okay, when you could fill in what she could kind of say, like I'll say the, you know, you could give her a script.

[Amy]

Oh, you want me to fill it in?

[Kat]

I'll say it. You fill it. I'm gonna say the first part and then you fill it in.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

So be like a little activity. Okay.

[Amy]

When I request that you spend more time with us and it doesn't happen because you're at the casino, from what I can see, I feel hurt and sad.

[Kat]

The story I tell myself is, it's.

[Amy]

The casino is more important to you and you have. You get more joy from gambling than you do from our family.

[Kat]

And what I need is more time with you.

[Amy]

And it doesn't have to be that. If that's not exactly that.

[Kat]

That was just like an example. I love a good script though. If I were her, I'd be like writing that down, I'd be like, okay,

[Amy]

but I would pick the stuff that feels the most authentic. And also my other feedback for using that script is keep it as short as possible. Because as soon as you start, even though this is a very non threatening script, as soon as somebody feels that confrontation, and this is a form of confrontation, they automatically will start getting defensive. And so you want to make it as short as possible so they can stay in it with you versus, you know, when we start feeling somebody is like coming at us, we're already thinking about how we want to respond. So at the end of this too, if you're having trouble hearing each other, and this is for this listener, this is for anybody. I like when people then repeat it back. What I heard you say is this. And then they'll repeat what you said and they'll say, did I get it right? And maybe they got it right. And you're like, yes, okay. And they'll Say, is there anything else? And you can say, no, or did I get it right? No, I didn't say that. Because they might say, what I heard you say is, you think that I'm an addict and you want me to go to rehab. Like, well, I didn't say that at all. But that might be what they heard because they immediately felt a little defensive. So the repeating is really helpful.

[Kat]

Very. It's a good one. What if the grandparents are like, we lived life like we raised our children. We did. We worked for however long. Now we're retired and living our best life, like, go in the casino and it's great.

[Amy]

You're saying, what if that was their response? Yeah, well, I think that would not be addressing the sadness of I want to see you more. And that's why I think it's helpful to not focus on their, their actions. Well, their perceived addiction versus how this affects our family. How is this affecting me versus you, you, you, you, you.

[Kat]

Because then they could assess like, okay, wow, we. We've been waiting our whole lives to just gamble and have fun together. And wow, we didn't realize with that we've been neglecting our daughter and grandchildren. So then they can assess how to prioritize their time.

[Amy]

Yeah. And the hope is that they're like, oh my gosh, we didn't realize that that was so important to you. That's the hope. But if, if they don't respond well, that's where you have to sit with some of those uncomfortable feelings. And we can't control people, which sucks.

[Kat]

Sure does. Okay, quick break. This is for any parent or caregiver of a child that experiences allergic reactions from food, medicine, insects, or other allergy triggers. This time of year can feel like a lot. Summer activities, camps, travel, and getting ready for back to school. You're doing everything to make sure that your child is safe wherever you are. And educating coaches, teachers, other parents on your child's allergy, scheduling doctor's appointments, filling out camp and school forms, and the million other things that come with managing your child's allergies. But at some point, you have to trust that they'll be okay if an allergic reaction happens when you aren't there. Which is why I want to tell you about nefi. The only needle free epinephrine nasal spray for those who weigh 33 pounds or more. It's used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Nefi works as well as a needle injector and delivers the same trusted epinephrine it's designed to be safe and easy to use at first sign of symptoms, so in a high stress moment, your child or someone else can act quickly to treat an allergic reaction, even if you're not there. NEFI is also small, discreet and easy to carry, including in a backpack, lunchbox or sports bag, so your child is prepared anywhere the day takes them. Pay as little as $0 for at least four Nefi devices through the Copay Savings Program with commercial insurance if eligible. Patients should not pay more than $199 for NEFI.

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[Kat]

Does your child need a new epinephrine prescription or refill? Don't wait. Ask a doctor about needle free Nephi today. Visit nephy.com or call 877-my-NEPHY to learn more. That's n-e f-f y.com I love my dog, but her breath not so much. But I found something that works for both of us. I give her a Greenies dental treat every single day and she cannot get enough. And here's what won me over. These are more than just tasty treats. Greenies dental treats are an easy way to give your dog clinically proven oral care and are designed to support the four areas that vets check the plaque, tartar, gums and breath. The unique texture cleans down to the gum line to support cleaner teeth after 28 days when fed daily, they're a vet recommended dental treat made with natural ingredients plus vitamins, minerals and nutrients. Rawhide free, easy to chew and digest and the unique, flexible texture makes them bendable so they won't snap. Honestly, Greenies dental treats are the best part of my dog. Cara's Day Start your dog's oral care routine today, including a daily Greenies dental treat, and turn health into something pets can't help but love. Greenies make health a treat. Shop [e-mail] Health insurance should make getting care easier, but sometimes it can feel like the opposite. That's why UnitedHealthcare is committed to putting care at the heart of health insurance with empathy, transparency and real human connection. I mean, doesn't care feel different when it's personal? When you can tell that the person on the other end of the phone, the screen and the Service genuinely cares UnitedHealthcare is working to make that happen every day. They're also helping people make health care decisions with confidence, giving them the information they need to better understand their benefits, costs and claims. Because UnitedHealthcare knows when you understand that stuff, you can better get the care you and your family need. You know, care can show up in a lot of ways, and everyone at UnitedHealthcare is committed to bringing it every day. Learn more about how UnitedHealthcare is committed to [e-mail] in business, there's no room for guesswork. Every shipment matters. Every deadline counts. When you're trying to keep operations running smoothly, the last thing you need is uncertainty. That's why reliability is at the core of USPS Ground Advantage. From the moment your package is first scanned in, it moves through a secure nationwide network, aiding in a timely and accurate delivery. You get near real time tracking so you can keep up with your shipments. And with affordable upfront pricing, there are no hidden fees or surprise surcharges to throw off your cost sheets. It all adds up to predictable deliveries you can depend on, because knowing your logistics are handled lets you focus on everything else. Your customers, your team, and the future that you're building. Visit usps.com groundadvantage to start shipping with confidence. USPS Ground Advantage. Okay, we have a voicemail. This is. I don't think it's anonymous. No, because she's just encouraging us to skydive because she's got like 700 jumps under her belt, which I forgot when we talked about skydiving the other day, which is why she even called in with this message of encouragement for us. She's Maria and Plano, Texas, by the way. But I have a cousin who's an avid skydiver that has hundreds and hundreds of jumps. And I was thinking I could call him and we could go.

[Amy]

We. We aren't doing anything.

[Kat]

Did you see the dad that was paragliding with his child? And some people were calling it child abuse because the child's like five and it's like, can a kid decide if they want to go? But the kid was having a blast. Like the kid was.

[Amy]

Is paragliding the thing you do at the beach?

[Kat]

I mean, that's parasailing.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

It's more think of like if you were to go skydiving, you're jumping out and when you're. Once you pull the parachute and you're floating, it's sort of. Paragliding is like you've got this big chute, but you may jump off of a, a bridge. You may jump off of somewhere and then you're gliding. Like, I don't, I don't think you're. You exit from a plane.

[Amy]

I don't know if. Yeah. Is.

[Kat]

But it looks sort of similar. But I'm just saying it was a viral clip and so I was going to ask you about it because he'd obviously been taking her since before she was 5, but she was really sweet in the video and she was even holding and like trying to steer a little bit and she was like, okay, I'm tired or whatever. But people were very divided on if that was a cute father daughter moment or if that is child abuse.

[Amy]

What do you think?

[Kat]

I thought it was fine because he's not going to put his daughter in harm's way, but I guess that activity in itself is dangerous.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

But he's clearly a professional. So it's like, to me, I thought it was a precious moment. I would not scream child abuse, but Eddie and Lunchbox on the Bobby Bones show, they both said child abuse.

[Amy]

I don't know that it is necessarily child abuse, but it does ring alarm for me. Like, I, I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that, but I also wouldn't feel comfortable paragliding. Now. The child was skydiving. To me, that feels different.

[Kat]

Those felt. Those feel the same to me. Like, if you see the video, I

[Amy]

guess I don't really understand what paragliding is.

[Kat]

Well, just imagine you're falling from the sky in a parachute, but you're.

[Amy]

Can we look at the law on this? Because I, I would if, if it was child abuse, I would be like, that makes sense. But if it wasn't, I also would be like, okay, I can see why that also makes sense. But I don't like it.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy]

I really, I do not like it.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

I don't want my like adult child to do this. So I'm definitely not taking my 5

[Kat]

year old to do it. Yeah. But I guess if it's something that you love doing, like the voicemail route to play, she's got 700 jumps. Like if she has a baby and she feels safe doing it. Yeah. I wonder what the law is.

[Amy]

You cannot take a baby skydiving. There's no way.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

That. That feels like a liability.

[Kat]

Huh. When I did it, that was the scariest part for me was right when I jumped. Sorry, I have computer volume up because we're gonna play the voicemail. But the, the, when I jumped, the scariest part for me was up at the top where it's really cold, and you. You're kind of grasping for air a little bit. But then once you pull the chute, it's like, ah. And it's really. It. Everything relaxes and you, like, see the city and everything around you, and it's like. Like it's really cool.

[Amy]

But you wouldn't do it again?

[Kat]

No, I don't want to do it again exactly. But Mariah here would like to convince us, so let's go ahead and play her voicemail.

[Mariah]

Hi, this is Mariah in Plano, Texas. I am 40 years old, and I'm feeling a little bit bummed that Cats doesn't want to go skydiving. And, Amy, that you wouldn't do it again. I am a skydiver. I have almost 700 jumps. My husband has almost 1100 jumps. And we have jumped in Egypt, France. We're going to Iceland in about two weeks to skydive during the eclipse. We've jumped in Bali. We actually wingsuit. And it's just. It's so fun and just an amazing experience. And it's like, there's a lot of safety protocols in place and it's not in. I mean, yeah, it's dangerous to some extent, but as Amy said, like, you get in a car every day, and that's incredibly dangerous. Like, I think it's something that everybody should try at least once. You get a whole different perspective of life and the world, and it's just. I don't know, it kind of bums me out that you wouldn't give it at least a consideration. So I don't know, I just thought I'd call and share my. My feelings on that. Anyways, love you guys and have the day you need to have.

[Amy]

She sounds genuinely really sad.

[Kat]

This is, like, her passion and the fact that you don't even to try it.

[Amy]

I'm sorry. Or that I don't want to do it again.

[Kat]

She's so.

[Mariah]

That.

[Ad]

That's good.

[Kat]

She expressed her feelings on it, which we appreciate. That's what this podcast is all about. It is about feelings. And I think that is so cool that she's jumped all those different places after she said her. How many jumps her husband has. I'm like, she's from Texas. I'm like, I wonder if she's married to my cousin. That would be funny. But I feel like he has a ton of jumps like that. This is a cousin on my dad's side, where my dad was the youngest of seven kids, and then I was his youngest. My dad had me when he was really old. So all of my cousins on his side are way older than me.

[Amy]

What is really old to you? How old was your dad?

[Kat]

I mean, my dad. Okay, well, I say really old when he had me, but he was late 40s. Oh, yeah.

[Amy]

I thought you were going to say like, no, 38.

[Kat]

And I'm like, no, he had me on his third marriage.

[Amy]

I don't know how fast his divorces came about. Well, okay, that is older.

[Kat]

Yeah. And then I'm the last of his four kids. And then he was the last. I'm just saying all of his siblings that had kids. So I don't really know my cousins. That's. Well, that's why I don't. On his side. So that's why. I don't know. This could be your cousin, his wife. I'm like, they're from Texas and he jumps a lot. Or maybe she maybe knows him. But first of all, Moriah Mariah, thank you for sharing your experience. I love that you and your husband have found something that y' all enjoy doing together and that you are traveling the world doing it. And they're about to go, what'd she say? Do it.

[Amy]

Oh, she's done it.

[Kat]

She's gonna do it during the eclipse.

[Amy]

Eclipse. That's gonna be really Iceland.

[Kat]

Iceland. Oh, Iceland. That's gonna be so sick.

[Amy]

Yeah, but I'll go to Iceland and not skydive.

[Kat]

Well, you're. I. What's crazy is when you have your baby, you're gonna put it in a car, but you won't let it like to.

[Amy]

Child abuser.

[Kat]

You're gonna put that baby on the highway on a.

[Amy]

In a really safe car seat. This is again, I will say that I said this last time. Don't give me those eyes. Kidding. I feel skydiving would be an elective activity. I have to get in a car to function in my everyday life. That's what the difference is. I do recognize that I'm more likely to get hurt in a car wreck than if I go skydiving once. But the difference is I have to do one the other. I'm just choosing to be a little, you know, crazy and I'm not somebody, which I'm okay that other people are not this way. Actually, you know what I really do. What is it called when you. I admire.

[Kat]

What is it called when you look up to someone and what they're doing

[Amy]

and you think it's cool? I admire when other people can have more risk taking in their lives. I am risk averse when it comes to safety,

[Kat]

I think you have a little bit of that. Like, when I ride a Jet Ski.

[Intro Voice]

Oh.

[Kat]

I'm, like, so slow. If, like, I'm riding a jet ski with someone and they try to, like, take off and, like, turn. Like, I'm, like, freaking out, and I'm

[Amy]

like, get me off of this.

[Kat]

So if I'm the one driving, I'm, like, like, going down the lake, like, barely. My. My hair's not even flowing because I, like, don't want to drive the jet Ski. Fast water. Water sports freak me out.

[Amy]

Well, so little behind the scenes. My husband is here helping us with video, and he also does not like jet skis.

[Mariah]

Not because I think that they're dangerous.

[Kat]

I just, like.

[Mariah]

It's kind of hard to drive.

[Amy]

He said, not because he.

[Mariah]

It's hard.

[Amy]

It's hard to hold your, like, wrist at the right position.

[Intro Voice]

Like.

[Kat]

Yeah. He says they're. They're hard to drive.

[Amy]

He said, not because I think they're dangerous because they're hard to drive. But we. The last time I was on a Jet Ski was with him. It was probably three years ago. We went out for maybe five minutes, and I was like, take me back. We're gonna capsize it on one set.

[Kat]

Yeah. I'd say I'm not really.

[Amy]

That's the risk.

[Kat]

You say your risk averse.

[Amy]

Risk averse.

[Kat]

Risk averse.

[Amy]

Averse.

[Kat]

That's me. That's me.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Start labeling myself as that, which I. I. Yeah.

[Amy]

Again, I admire that. Other people are not that way. This is. I. I feel okay with it.

[Kat]

And I. But thank you for calling and sharing your experience, because I know that somebody listening.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Is motivated and will go skydive.

[Amy]

And don't let me keep you from doing it.

[Kat]

That's why I'm glad that I've checked that box. I don't know what got into me and made me actually do it. I know that it was my 30th birthday. Lunchbox went, too. And a friend. I just. I guess I just decided I was gonna do it, and I did it, and now I'm. I'm good with that. I don't have any other thing, like wild adventure things on my list, except for I do want to go to that hotel in Kenya where the giraffes come up to the window and you can feed them breakfast.

[Amy]

I don't think that is risky.

[Kat]

That's an adventure, though.

[Amy]

Oh, yeah.

[Intro Voice]

Yeah.

[Amy]

That's gonna be adventurous.

[Mariah]

Yeah.

[Kat]

I don't. That's what I'm saying. Like, I don't have. Because I was going to say I don't have anything adventurous on my list, but that's when I corrected myself, because that's adventurous. I want to go. But then I'm like, well, I've already gone to Kenya before and I've gone on a safari, so on one of my travel trips, would I waste going back to Kenya again?

[Amy]

You can't go to Kenya until you go to Paris.

[Kat]

I know.

[Amy]

So you can be adventurous in Paris if you want.

[Kat]

You know where I might go on my next vacation is to see. I don't. I don't think I have enough time for that.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

For booking it. I get it. But I can still plan that. But my cousin moved to Ecuador, so I might go see her in Ecuador.

[Amy]

That would be fun. You could. I'm sure she'll do something adventurous with you.

[Ad]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Like, I know that we'll go hike and I've seen beautiful things.

[Amy]

Ziplining. That's crazy.

[Kat]

Oh, my sister had a little zip line in her backyard, I think.

[Amy]

Ziplining. No, I didn't.

[Kat]

I didn't do, like, you're probably talking in, like. Like a jungle zip line.

[Amy]

Yeah, I haven't done that. That's scary. I went ziplining, like, at an adventure place in Dixon, Tennessee.

[Kat]

Yeah, I did. I jumped on my sister's trampoline a couple weeks ago.

[Mariah]

Okay.

[Amy]

At our age, that is kind of adventurous.

[Kat]

I know. I was thinking about how I have a friend.

[Amy]

We need to go to the chiropractor

[Kat]

after ended up having to get knee surgery. A. A mom friend of mine, she also adopted from Haiti. She was jumping on a trampoline once. Her husband is really well known, so the story is kind of funny. She's like. I was like, what happened to your knee? And she was like, I was jumping on a trampoline with Lady Gaga, and I popped my knee. And I was like, what? So then, yeah, they had to go to the hospital. It was a whole thing. She was like, I got on the trampoline. Like, three seconds later, I was down for the count. And I was like, oh, what a Just, like, funny story. Some people's lives. Like, what happened to your knee?

[Amy]

Well, me and Lady G. I was

[Kat]

like, what were you doing with Lady Gaga?

[Amy]

What was she doing just hanging out?

[Kat]

I have no idea. I don't. I think maybe wherever her favorite friend have friends that were somewhere and they had trampoline, and somehow she ended up on the trampoline with Lady Gaga. Yeah. Okay.

[Amy]

Well, just so you know, we are kind of crazy. We do stuff like that Wild. But if you want to skydive, we support you.

[Kat]

Thank you for your emails and your voicemails. We always love them. You can email us hey there at Feeling Things podcast.com no matter how serious big we can keep you anonymous. We can give every detail like whatever you will allow. We will try to honor and respect whatever you would like for us to put out there. And you can also call us 877-207-2077. Most importantly, we hope wherever you are, you have the day you need to have. Bye Bye. There's a lot of talk about self care, but for anyone balancing work, family and everything else, real self care means getting through the day without aches or pain holding them back. A simple check in with a physical therapist can help. Physical therapy helps people move better for all the moments that matter and it can help them stay ahead of nagging issues before they snowball. Feeling good doesn't have to be a luxury. It's a smart choice for long term health. Learn more and find a local physical [e-mail] that's choosept.com all right, I love my dog, but her breath not so much. That's why I give her a daily Greenies dental treat. They're vet recommended and designed to support the four areas that vets check the most plaque, tartar gums and breath. The unique texture cleans down to the gum line to support cleaner teeth after 28 days when fed daily. Start your dog's oral care routine today, including a daily Greenies dental treat and turn health into something pets can't help but to love. Greenies make health a treat. Shop [e-mail] Honestly, honestly, honestly.

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saw coming has hit the freezer aisle. Cherry, orange and grape Popsicle ice pops are going solo.

[Mariah]

Now.

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[Amy]

Opsicle this is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.