FEELING THINGS - Late ADHD Diagnoses, a Friends Trip Dilemma & More (Couch Talks)

Summary

The Bobby Bones Show: "FEELING THINGS – Late ADHD Diagnoses, a Friends Trip Dilemma & More (Couch Talks)"

Date: July 19, 2026
Hosts: Amy & Kat
Episode Theme: Navigating emotions, boundaries, and life with ADHD, including late diagnoses, friendship dilemmas, memorable stories, and supportive listener Q&A.

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Episode Overview

This episode of Feeling Things (a segment from The Bobby Bones Show) is a relaxed, heartfelt Q&A Couch Talks where hosts Amy and Kat dig into listener questions about adult ADHD—centering on late diagnoses—and the complexities of friendship as adults. The hosts candidly share their own experiences with neurodivergence, trade honest and funny stories about their relationships and daily struggles, and offer practical advice for managing boundaries, mental load, and self-compassion. Notably, the episode features thoughtful listener emails and voicemails, with advice relevant to anyone navigating mental health or relational challenges.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Friends Trip Dilemma

[02:44-08:18]

• Listener Email: A retired dispatcher feels pressure to continue attending an annual trip with friends but doesn't enjoy the experience and wonders if she should stop going.
• Hosts’ Advice: Both Amy and Kat validate her feelings, recognizing that a trip is a big investment and shouldn't be an obligation for the sake of avoiding conflict.
  • Kat: “A trip is a big investment in time, money, and energy. So going on a trip to manage somebody else’s feelings, I feel like it’s not the way to do it.” (04:47)
  • Amy: “You have to ask yourself, is that worth the friendship or not?” (06:51)
• The consensus is that healthy friendships should be low-maintenance and allow for honest communication about boundaries and capacity.

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2. Adult Friendships & ADHD Dynamics

[08:19-11:20]

• Amy and Kat discuss how their shared ADHD shapes their friendship, especially handling things like forgetting birthdays or slow text responses without taking it personally.
  • Kat: “The older I get, the more I appreciate low maintenance friendships that still mean a lot...and I'm cool if we don't talk all the time.” (07:44)
  • Amy: “Our quick assumptions usually are, oh, well, that's… her ADHD. Not she's mad at me. She's a bad friend.” (09:09)
• The value of understanding why someone else’s behavior isn’t about you—a big insight for neurodiverse relationships.

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3. Snack Obsessions & ADHD Hyperfixation

[12:12-13:53]

• Kat humorously details going all-in on a snack brand after seeing it online—a classic example of “hyperfixation,” an ADHD trait.
  • Kat: “Is that my ADHD? That’s Amy hyper fixating on a new snack.” (12:34)
  • Both hosts banter about taste-testing, chip bags filled with more air than chips, and food aversions (Greek yogurt vs. sour cream).

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4. Food Hacks & Life With ADHD

[15:10-17:53]

• Kat shares a salad-to-dip hack with Greek yogurt and discusses “creative” ADHD solutions in the kitchen.
• Conversation naturally diverges (a hallmark of their style), touching on using apples in chicken salad and “incognito” eggs.

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5. Listener Voicemail: Twilight Births, Compliment Tips, & Salt Stories

[18:13-21:25]

• Listener Jen from Houston responds to a prior episode, sharing a tip for packing salt for to-go meals and wild stories about 1970s “twilight births.”
  • Amy: “Twilight births...they give you something to give you amnesia, so you don't remember it.” (20:01)
• A sideline: Amy admits to wrongly accusing her daughter of stealing a salt shaker—an example of how quick (and often mistaken) assumptions can happen with ADHD.
  • Amy: “I think I’ve had to learn to be careful with that, is I’m quick...to be like, they did this to me.” (21:56)

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6. Scam Calls & ADHD Storytelling Tangents

[32:04-36:12]

• The hosts riff about scam calls, parental caution, and how ADHD brains leap from topic to topic: “We can tell 20 stories...trying to tell one.” (36:04, Amy)

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7. Q&A: Late ADHD Diagnosis, Parenting, and Coping

Email from Caitlin in Virginia

[37:11-46:10]

• Caitlin (32, VA, late-diagnosed after becoming a mom) seeks insights into how parenting, pregnancy, and adulthood have been affected by ADHD, as well as coping tips.
• Hosts' Journeys:
  • Amy: Diagnosed at 19-20, only realized later her anxiety was actually a symptom of ADHD. Medication and therapy made information more accessible in her brain, “I thought that’s just how people’s brains worked. I grew up just thinking, this is how brains work and life is just hard.” (40:41)
  • Kat: Diagnosed in her 20s but was intimidated by medication options (Strattera vs. Adderall). Now manages mostly without medication, relying on calendars/planning.
  • Open advice: Make goals smaller than you want them to be and “start with something you know you can do.” (39:07, Amy)
• Importance of self-compassion and delegation—“I can do a small amount of things really well. But I also need a lot of help sometimes.” (47:12, Amy)

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Email from Sawyer re: Brother’s Late ADHD Diagnosis

[53:30-58:03]

• Sawyer from Florida asks for support resources for her brother Cedar (41), recently diagnosed and struggling with executive dysfunction and isolation.
• Book Rec: ADHD Is Awesome by the Holderness couple—recommended for its humor, relatable stories, and late-diagnosis perspective.
  • Kat: “For later in life diagnoses, they have a book, ‘ADHD is Awesome: A Guide to Mostly Thriving with ADHD.’”
• Encouragement to shift from grieving the past to embracing the present: “See what is now possible. Because if we spend too much time stuck in the past… that’s gonna get us nowhere.” (56:42, Kat)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Low maintenance friendships that still mean a lot… I'm cool if we don’t talk all the time.” – Kat (07:44)
• “I'm more, my brain can be more organized the better I am working on these things.” – Amy on getting ADHD treatment (41:50)
• “Make your goals smaller than you really want them to be. I always say start with something you know you can do.” – Amy (39:07)
• “The gift of me telling you this story is you get four for one.” – Kat, on ADHD storytelling (36:09)
• “What does this make possible?” – Advice inspired by Donald Miller for anyone facing a fresh diagnosis (56:42, Kat)
• “Help and delegating... they don’t make you less than, they can make you better.” – Amy (47:13)
• “There’s a process in grieving... but I hope he can grieve it and move on sooner than later. Now you can move forward.” – Kat, to Sawyer (56:42)

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Practical Tips & Takeaways

• Friendship Boundaries: Declining invitations does not equal failing as a friend. Practice honesty and prioritize self-care.
• Managing ADHD:
  • Use reminders and external systems like calendars
  • Break goals into tiny, achievable pieces
  • Ask for help and delegate (especially for “admin” tasks)
• Parenting/ADHD: Be open to new strategies, accept that some “typical” parenting logistics may require more support
• Thinking Differently: Don’t beat yourself up for things that are hard; understand your brain and leverage strengths (like hyperfocus for important projects)
• Grief Over Time Lost: Valid, but don’t stay stuck. Focus on what is possible moving forward.
• Resources: ADHD is Awesome book, support groups, ongoing conversations with understanding friends and community.

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Episode Flow & Tone

• Tone: Warm, funny, open-hearted, non-judgmental.
• Style: Natural banter punctuated by personal anecdotes and supportive advice; digressions are part of the charm/realism and actually illuminate ADHD “in real time.”
• Structure: Listener question → hosts’ own stories & insights → practical tips → more Q&A.

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For Further Listening/Reading

• ADHD is Awesome by Kim & Penn Holderness
• Following neurodivergent creators (like the Holderness Family) on social media for humor and affirmation
• Continue listening to “Feeling Things” for more honest, relatable mental health content

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Final Words:
Amy & Kat wish listeners “the day you need to have,” reminding everyone—especially those navigating neurodivergence or complicated feelings—that support, self-compassion, and humor go a long way.

Transcript

[Amy]

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[Kat]

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[Kat]

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[Kat]

Hey Portlandia fans, Kerry Brownstein and Fred Armisen here.

[Amy]

The dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form.

[Kat]

We're launching AO Rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made.

[Amy]

And we'll also be joined by the

[Kat]

people who helped bring it all to

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life, guest stars, collaborators and friends, including

[Amy]

director Jonathan Krisel, the mayor himself, Kyle

[Kat]

MacLachlan, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Kyle is going for it. Here you fully improvised not just words,

[Amy]

but a song about. Well, I thought you were all going

[Kat]

to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia AO rewatch on the

[Amy]

iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Kat]

Hi, this is Zoe Deutsch.

[Podcast Promos/Guests]

And this is Nick Robinson.

[Kat]

Check out our new movie Voicemails for

[Amy]

Isabel, exclusively on Netflix.

[Kat]

Sign up now to watch

[Amy]

While we hope Couch Talks can be a tool that helps and supports wherever you are in life, Couch Talks does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy or any mental health services. One, two, three.

[Jen]

Hey. All right.

[Kat]

Break it down.

[Amy]

If you ever have feelings and you just want some. Got you covered like a num bro. Ladies and fellas, we just follow in the spirit where it tell us from the real stuff to the chill stuff and the in between. Sometimes the best thing you can do

[Kat]

is just stop and Feel Things.

[Amy]

This is Feeling Things.

[Kat]

Happy Thursday. Welcome to Feeling Things. I'm Amy.

[Amy]

And I'm Kat.

[Kat]

And we got some ADHD questions today. This is our Q and A episode of the Feeling Things podcast. And Kat and I are not experts on adhd. We just have it so we know how to function with it. But everybody's different. Even Kat and I have a different experience with our own adhd. So we'll answer the questions as best as we can. Two of those came in. We also got an email from someone who wants to be anonymous about a friend trip because she recently listened to one of our friendship episodes. So we'll start off strong with that. And then we got a voicemail from someone that is bringing up a topic that I have to make amends on something. I accused my daughter of stealing something from me, and I was wrong. So I'll address that. First up is the anonymous email. She said, I just started listening to your podcast. I'm a loyal Bobby Bone show listener, though, and I listened to Amy's previous podcast. I just listened to the episode on Friendship, and boy, did that hit home. I'm gonna guess that my friends probably, sorry, are not going to listen to this, but please don't use my name. Ha ha ha. So here goes. I am a retired public safety dispatcher. My friends retired before me, and at that point, we decided to start going on a yearly trip while I was working. I don't enjoy it. It does not bring me joy at all. I see them often enough, and we have a text thread that has been going on for years and years. Is it wrong that I don't want to go on these trips, rehashing everything, talking about how bad things have gotten, who's doing what, and working where? The list goes on. I've never stepped foot back in the department since the day I left. I begged off one of these trips one year, and I was fine with that. Now they are ramping up for the next one. There will be hurt feelings. Help. Exclamation point. Yeah, there will be hurt feelings. That's valid. And I just think because this is a trip, a getaway, my advice would be, those are feelings they need to navigate.

[Amy]

Yeah, a trip is a big investment in time, money, and energy. So going on a trip to manage somebody else's feelings, I feel like it's not the way to do it.

[Kat]

Yeah. And it's got to be hard to hear, like, oh, this person doesn't want to come. Like, I was thinking about how, yeah, we did recently take our girls Trip. And let's just say we made it an annual thing. We haven't yet, but, you know, annual is even tough. Like that's a lot on people. But you and I've traveled a bit together. And let's say, you know, we did New York a couple years ago and then we just did Arizona and then coming up. But you realize, like, trips with me are just not your cup of tea. But. But we're still friends. Like, imagine having to tell me you

[Amy]

just don't want to go on a trip with you. But I also think this is a group, a little different. It's a group and it's a yearly trip that happens every single year. So it's a little different than me just saying, like, I don't ever want to travel with you again.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy]

This is a group of people and I can understand. A yearly trip is a huge investment, I think.

[Kat]

And commitment. Yeah.

[Amy]

You don't have. I mean, it sounds like she's retired, so I don't know. She might have a part time job now, but to take time every single year to do something regardless of if you enjoy it or not, I think is a, A lot to ask of somebody.

[Kat]

I think your friendship group, if it's like a local thing on a Saturday night, like you just suck it up and go, even if it's not your cup of tea, those are your friends and you go, But a trip, it seems different.

[Amy]

Yeah. So I would recommend you listening to your feelings and also thinking about, what do I need in order to sit with the anxiety or fear or whatever the feeling is I have about disappointing somebody or hurting somebody's feelings or letting somebody down. They're all adults and I would hope that this wouldn't be a friendship ender. But if it is, I think that you're getting some information there.

[Kat]

Information like, do these friends really care about how you feel?

[Amy]

Well, it's like, well, what, what is the investment I have to give to maintain these friendships? Is it worth it if I have to give this trip every single year for the rest of my life that I'm going to dread going on. I'm going to resent it. I'm going to wish I was somewhere else. If I do that every year to maintain these friendships, you have to ask yourself, is that worth the friendship or not? Yeah, if, if it is worth it. If it's like, okay, well, I'd hate this, but if, if my friendship is going to end because I don't go on these trips, then you might just go on it. I Also don't know that your friendships are going to end if you don't go on this trip.

[Kat]

Yeah, that would be the extreme.

[Amy]

For sure it would be extreme. And so I think that's what I'm, I'm wanting you to think about is if it would, if it would ruin the friendship. That's information for you about what the friendship is asking of you and do you have that.

[Kat]

The older I get, the more I appreciate low maintenance friendships that still mean a lot.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Like still very close, connected. I'm here for you no matter what. And I'm cool if we don't talk all the time.

[Amy]

Cool if we never go on a

[Kat]

trip again or if you, or if you, if you forgot to text me back. Like, you know, there might be some addressing that needs to happen if it's ongoing, but if it's just like the occasional, like, I don't want that pressure.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

I think that's one thing I've enjoyed about our relationship.

[Amy]

But I think part of that, and this is a perfect segue, but part of our understanding of each other is we both do struggle with some of the same things. So if you don't text me back, my, if you don't have, if you don't struggle with ADHD or something of the like, then that sounded like a very adult sentence. Then, then you might not. Your first thought is not going to

[Kat]

be, oh, they're mad at me.

[Amy]

Your first thought might be, they're mad at me. Oh, it.

[Kat]

I, I don't think that of you.

[Amy]

Well, I know. That's my whole point. It's because you do have adhd.

[Kat]

Sorry, now I'm tracking.

[Amy]

Is it adhd?

[Kat]

It's clicking now. It's clicking now. You're saying with other people you might think that, but with me it. You don't.

[Amy]

I'm saying other people might think that if something happens because we know what it's like. And I'm like, oh, I've done that before. Like, she didn't ignore me. She probably just like dropped her phone behind the couch and hasn't thought about getting it for three hours. Not that she saw my texts and didn't want to respond, but for people that don't think like that, they're like, well, if I get a text, I'm going to respond. They're like, they're going to be more quick to make an assumption like that. So that's helped our friendship because our quick assumptions usually are, oh, well, that's, you know, her adhd. Not she's Mad at me. She's a bad friend. I mean, how many times we've talked about this? So many times. How many times have I forgotten your birthday?

[Kat]

Yeah. Every year.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Yours is December 4th.

[Amy]

March 18th.

[Kat]

You got it. I know, but it doesn't mean when March 18th rolls around that y'.

[Amy]

All that I'll know. I think your birthday is still in my phone on the 17th, because I put it in there at some point, and you've told me so many Times it's the 18th, but my brain has not gone, oh, you should go fix that.

[Kat]

Yeah. And that's. Okay.

[Amy]

So I get it.

[Kat]

Calendars. That's what they're for, about years. I remember December 4th.

[Amy]

I wonder why that's so easy for you to remember that.

[Kat]

I don't know.

[Amy]

But that's also another.

[Kat]

I guess you're just information.

[Amy]

That's another piece of information that, like, our stuff shows up a little differently, too. So we were talking about this earlier, about how we operate with time. You think time is infinite, and I'm always running out of time.

[Kat]

Yeah. That's why when we travel together, you have such anxiety about getting to the airport. And speaking of texting with you, I know, even though sometimes I mess up and I send you notes like, hey, we need to talk later, I know that's the worst thing I could ever send to you because you're gonna freak out over what it is. Like, you. You cannot handle, hey, let's talk later, or, hey, I have something to tell you. You just need to know, or you don't wanna. You don't want the teaser or the setup. You just.

[Amy]

I want the setup. If you can tell me a little bit.

[Kat]

Okay. If I tell you, like, hey, it's not that big of a deal.

[Amy]

Yes.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

But if you say, we need to talk or there's something important we need to talk about. You hate that. Yeah, I don't like that.

[Kat]

You hate that. And sour cream.

[Amy]

Yeah, I do. Sour cream on your brain.

[Kat]

Well, when you came over earlier, I was eating chips, dipping it in Greek yogurt. And when you asked me what it was, for whatever reason, I just said, oh, sour cream. And I was like, wait, no, it's yogurt. Because sour cream, that seemed gross to be dipping my chips in. Although I would enjoy that. And they taste similar. Like, I use Greek yogurt as a sour cream substitute. So to me, they are very similar. But I just like that there's more protein in the Greek yogurt. And I love dipping chips in there. I got Those snackish chips. Have you seen those? No, I saw. Wait, what's the funny girl? Cat Sickler.

[Amy]

Stickler.

[Kat]

Stickler. Okay. The one that was seeing John Mayer.

[Amy]

Yeah, I was about to say the one that maybe dated John Mayer.

[Kat]

Maybe. Yeah. And I guess she invested in a company, so I first saw her post about them, and then I was at Target and I saw them. So what's special about. I had to get every flavor. Is that my adhd?

[Amy]

That's Amy hyper fixating on a new snack.

[Kat]

Yes. Because I had to get the plain. Then I had to get the dill pickle, which I don't like pickles, but I like dill pickle type.

[Amy]

What were you dipping into the Greek yogurt?

[Kat]

The dill pickle one.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

And then I got the jalapeno one, and then they had a barbecue one, but barbecue's not my thing, so I wasn't intrigued. I love salt and vinegar. Sea salt and vinegar. So I got that one too. And I'm doing my own little taste test. So far, they're all good.

[Amy]

Do you like them over a different chip, though? What's the.

[Kat]

I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed. The ingredients are just really good. And the flavor and the crunch. It was a. Whoever made them, whoever she partnered with as a mom that had some other successful business. And then she was, like, eating snacks with her kid one day, and she was like, why is there not a good snack for my kid? Or something that we can all enjoy? So, voila. She created it. And I was sitting there eating, and I was like, I have not ever had a chip quite like this. So she concocted. It's like the perfect crunch. And I would say the flavor and the bags look smaller, but I was thinking about this too. The bags look smaller, but they're pretty full, so. So I can appreciate the fact that they just made appropriate size bags for what's inside, because I might be buying another bag that looks bigger, but it's full of the air.

[Amy]

You know what bag of chips I think is the worst at that?

[Kat]

I just called it the air. It's full of the air. But it. The. It's special air. It's supposed to. It is. It's not just air. It's something else because it helps keep the chips fresh. Sure.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

Special air.

[Amy]

I feel like baked. Do you ever. You probably don't ever have. I've never seen either.

[Kat]

Oh, Baked Lays. Oh, I used to crush Baked Lays back in the day.

[Amy]

The baked sour cream and cheddar or whatever. They are. I. I love those. That bag of chips, unlike any other. It's probably like the bottom sixth of the bag has chips in it. So then you eat a whole bag of chips and you're like, I can't believe I ate that whole bag. But really, I'm like, it was not. There was like three chips in there. So I can appreciate this brand. They're honest. And you. What you see is what you get versus am I gonna get three chips? Am I gonna get a whole bag of chips? So anyway, I don't like that you were. Well, let me rephrase that. I would never dip a chip in sour cream or Greek yogurt because I despise both of those things. But you were enjoying it and I'm really happy that you.

[Kat]

I sure was. And I. Can I tell you about another little thing I'm doing with Greek yogurt and chips? So I tested this out, so I'm going to post it soon. A little recipe thing, but it's Taylor Farm salad kits. They have a Southwest one, which is kind of Mexican type flavors, the chopped kit and you chop it up extra and you use all the ingredients that come in the salad bag and then you add half a cup of Greek yogurt, mix it, and then it's now a salad dip. And then I got tortilla chips and dip it into there. And it's like you're having the full blown salad, but you've just turned it into a dip. So it's a totally different experience.

[Amy]

So you come up with that by yourself.

[Kat]

I got inspo online. Like I was looking for some things to do. It wasn't that. I don't know if it was that exact thing. I first tested out with a fourth, a cup of Greek yogurt that wasn't cutting it. So I added another fourth of a cup. And half a cup is a sweet spot. I tested out squeezing some lime on top. Not necessary. So I don't.

[Amy]

I'm going to give an alternative for people that don't like Greek yogurt, like me. Mash up an avocado. Ooh. And make it into like a. Almost like a guacamole type texture. And then maybe it will work because that's how I do chicken salad.

[Kat]

Oh, you make chicken salad with avocado.

[Amy]

Because I don't like mayonnaise.

[Kat]

So you do shredded chicken.

[Amy]

All whatever, whatever you like in your chicken salad. I like grapes and nuts and celery.

[Kat]

I love a grape and a chicken salad.

[Amy]

But the only thing about this Is you can't pre make this. You can pre make all the ingredients, but you can't like pre mix the avocado because it will turn brown.

[Kat]

Can I give you another sweet alternative to the grape and a way to do it too? If, if, if you don't have grapes but you have an apple. And then take the apple and slice it through a cheese grater and it, it shreds up the apple into tiny little.

[Amy]

You don't like that crunch though.

[Kat]

Well, I do. It's just sometimes you don't always have a grape, but you have an apple.

[Amy]

Well, I'm saying if you chop an apple, then you have a crunch.

[Kat]

True. But I don't know, there's something about the grating an apple.

[Amy]

You're like, this is creative of me.

[Kat]

Well, I can't take credit. I saw someone else do it. Who knows? It was years ago. Maybe it was. Oh, you know who I first saw grate an egg I think is Gwyneth Paltrow. Maybe. But it is kind of genius if you like hard boiled egg on your avocado toast. You cat hates eggs too. But take a hard boiled egg and grate it on a cheese grater and it grates perfectly on top of the avocado toast.

[Amy]

That could be a way to get somebody to eat an egg incognito. Maybe I wouldn't know what it was, but now I know the trick. So if you try that on me, that's a French. You not answering my text won't end our friendship. If you hide eggs in something and give it to me, I, I will not talk to you for probably a week or two.

[Kat]

That's it. Just a week or two.

[Amy]

That feels like a long time.

[Kat]

Speaking of food, we do have a voicemail from Jen who listens in Houston. She's talking about twilight births, but she also is talking about salt, which is food. So that's my segue into this. Here's the voicemail.

[Jen]

Hi ladies, this is Jen from Houston. I am 54 and I have three things about your June 30th podcast. Number one, love the compliment tip, totally going to use it. Number two, as far as salt goes for to go orders from the house. I found these cute little, little bitty containers at the Dollar Tree that I use Himalayan sea salt as well and or Celtic sea salt. And I will use the little plastic container. Put some salt in there. Put it in my lunch kit. That way I'm not having to take a whole salt shaker at home. So maybe you could pick some of Those up, and then your daughter can have them to go on her way out the door. The third thing is, I am 54 years old. I was born in 1972. My sister was born in 1974, and my mother did Twilight burst for both of us. And it's shocking to even think about that that happened in the 70s. And the few times that I talked to my mom about births and everything, she's always said how she never remembers anything because she was asleep and she woke up and then she had a baby. And, you know, my sister and I are both healthy, and we're. I don't think it affected us in any particular way, but, yeah, 1972 and 1974, just to let you know. All right, thank you. And have the day you need to have. Bye.

[Kat]

Thank you, Jen. Cat is very pregnant, and I feel like Twilight bursts. If y' all miss what those are, it's. The mom would just get knocked out and give birth.

[Amy]

Not completely knocked out. Well, she was still like. Because you have to put. You have to push. But they give you something to give you amnesia so you don't remember it.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy]

But that is crazy. I thought.

[Kat]

We thought it was happening in the 50s.

[Amy]

I thought it was happening, like, the 20s.

[Kat]

Okay. But they did it in 72 and 74.

[Amy]

That long ago.

[Kat]

And I love how she's like, I don't think it impacted us at all. Any little thing that I had happened with me, I'd be like, is this because of my. My mom was put under for my birth.

[Amy]

Also, if you're unfamiliar with the compliment tip, it was. Amy, you came up with these, I think, where instead of saying, I love your shirt, you'd say, you look so good in that shirt, so you make somebody else feel.

[Jen]

Feel.

[Amy]

Yeah. Like it's about them versus about, like, my opinion. So important.

[Kat]

Yeah. Or it's like, oh, your house is decorated so cute. Or it's like, oh, you've really put a lot of thought and care. You're very good at styling your home. Or.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

You can just really focus on the person instead of.

[Amy]

Versus I love your house.

[Kat]

The thing. Yeah. Or you using the word I. And then as for the salt thing. Yes. These little travel things for my daughter would be nice. I definitely accused her of taking the huge. The big salt shaker.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Kat]

And she didn't take it. I found it in a drawer.

[Amy]

How long after all this?

[Kat]

Like, a week. And. And I thought I asked about it. She was like, I didn't take it. And I still was like, yeah, right. She just doesn't remember, or it's somewhere in her car, and I'm gonna find it. And then I opened up a drawer that I don't open often, and voila, there it was.

[Amy]

So did maybe she put it in the wrong spot. She did. Okay.

[Kat]

She put it there. And that's on me for not searching every drawer and cabinet in the kitchen, because it wouldn't have been that hard for me to open up certain things and try to look for it.

[Amy]

But that is something I think I've had to learn to be careful with, is I'm quick. I can be quick to be like, they did this to me, or so and so did whatever. But I think I shared this with you on our baby moon. My bathing suit went missing. Did I share this with you?

[Kat]

Yes.

[Amy]

Couldn't find it anywhere. And I don't have many bathing suits right now that fit me, so I obviously only brought two. And so I was like, the cleaners stole my bathing suit, which.

[Kat]

Why would they do that?

[Amy]

They take my maternity bathing suit. And it was dirty, too. Like, because I've been using this, like, jackpot.

[Kat]

I have been looking for a dirty maternity swimsuit.

[Amy]

I've been using that color science sunscreen that somebody recommended, and it's tinted, so, like, yeah. The insides of it, where it's white, were, like, brown from the sunscreen. So, like, it was not. It wasn't appealing, probably, to anybody. But then I was like, well, maybe they took it because they. It was with towels or something, and they took our towels, and they accidentally took it. But I went down to the front desk to ask about it, and I had to talk to. I had to, like, tell myself, do not accuse anybody of doing anything. Be curious about where your bathing suit might be, because if they didn't take it, then you're gonna feel really stupid. And lo and behold, I went down, talked to the guy. He made some phone calls. He said, I'll let you know. And I was like, okay. I'm just really disappointed. I was gonna wear that today, but I didn't say they took it. I said, I can't find it, and I'm curious if they accidentally picked it up with the towels.

[Kat]

And you're disappointed?

[Amy]

I did say that. I, I. That's the. I had to get something out. I was just pregnant.

[Kat]

It feels so good that I said that. Yeah.

[Amy]

So then I go upstairs, and I'm like, patrick, let's look one more time for. Was in my beach bag.

[Kat]

Yeah, there it is.

[Amy]

But, like, I don't think I put it in there. So maybe I was.

[Kat]

Maybe they put it in the beach bag.

[Amy]

Yeah, that was my compromise of, like, they must have put it in my beach bag because I know I put it with my dirty clothes anyway, so I know. Just a lesson. Stay curious about.

[Kat]

Stay curious. Speaking of my daughter, something happened on my Netflix account where I got bumped up to, like, a premium. And I got some email and I'm like, well, it probably was to Shira. So I send her a text and I'm like, did you bump my Netflix account up to premium? Which takes it from $15 a month to 22 something. And I'm thinking, yeah, she probably did this because it gives you access to more screens. And if she was at her dad's house or wanted on her computer and it was already running on TVs, then she wanted to be able to watch something. So she probably did it. Just clicked on it, thinking, oh, I'll tell mom later. She can cancel. And I fired off a text, sure enough, thinking that she did it. And she's like, no, it wasn't me. But I'm still like, did she do it, though? And turns out she definitely did it. I'm like, whoa, I've got. No, it wasn't me. I don't know why they sent me that email. It turns out I've been premium all along. But it said, you just changed. And then when I checked the prices. But then I went back, no, I didn't. I've been premium, like, okay, the whole time.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

Once I went and, like, checked my bills, I was like, oh, I am paying 22, so I must already be premium. But why'd they send me that email then? It made me think. When we went on our trip, you know, in our hotel room, I logged into my Netflix account, so. So I thought, whatever guest checked in after us. This is my next running theory is I gotta call the hotel because the guests that were staying there went into my Netflix account and upgraded me. Yeah. And I'm like, shady. Just shady, shady. When really, I don't know. And then I don't know why they sent me that email with now, which now I'm wondering if it was a scammer Netflix email where it wasn't really from Netflix. And they're trying to get you to click on something. But that's something that just popped in my head.

[Amy]

Which could be because those emails are getting really. Like, they have logos and everything on them now.

[Kat]

Oh, yeah, I fell for PayPal once. Yeah. Something about my. That my PayPal account had been compromised, so I needed to click this link to fix it. And I clicked it.

[Amy]

What happened?

[Kat]

Well, later on I tried to go to Chick Fil A and they wouldn't accept my card. And I was like, well what? Why are you not. This is Chick Fil A. Like, this is 8.99. Like, why are you not accepting my order? Well, my bank had frozen my card because of some recent big purchases like at Home Depot or something in like another city. So they froze it so I wasn't able to get my Chick Fil A. And then I called the bank and they're like, yeah, we stopped something. And I was like, oh no. When I clicked on that PayPal link, they were like, we got them order that stuff from Home Depot we wanted.

[Amy]

Okay, I have a question that doesn't come up.

[Kat]

Okay, quick break. This is for any parent or caregiver of a child that experiences allergic reactions from food, medicine, insects or other allergy triggers. This time of year can feel like a lot summer activities, camps, travel, and getting ready for back to school. You're doing everything to make sure that your child is safe wherever you are, educating coaches, teachers, other parents on your child's allergy, scheduling doctor's appointments, filling out camp and school forms, and the million other things that come with managing your child's allergies. But at some point, you have to trust that they'll be okay if an allergic reaction happens when you aren't there. Which is why I want to tell you about Nephi, the only needle free epinephrine nasal spray for those who weigh 33 pounds or more. It's used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Nefi works as well as a needle injector and delivers the same trusted epinephrine. It's designed to be safe and easy to use at first sign of symptoms, so in a high stress moment, your child or someone else can act quickly to treat an allergic reaction even if you're not there. NEFI is also small, discreet and easy to carry, including in a backpack, lunchbox or sports bag, so your child is prepared anywhere the day takes them. Pay as little as $0 for at least four Nefi devices through the Copay Savings Program with commercial insurance. If eligible patients should not pay more than $199 for NEFI.

[Amy]

If you have medical conditions or take certain medicines, your condition may worsen. Tell your doctor about nasal heart, thyroid or kidney issues, high blood pressure, Parkinson's, diabetes if you're pregnant or breastfeeding and all medications. Side effects include nasal discomfort, headache, runny nose, shakiness and throat irritation.

[Kat]

The these are not all side effects. Does your child need a new epinephrine prescription or refill? Don't wait. Ask a doctor about needle free Nephi today. Visit nephi.com or call 877-my-nephy to learn more. That's n e F-F-Y.com hey guys, Paul

[Amy]

Verze here and I want to talk to you about Paul's best podcast, Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio. I sit down each week with a special guest and we discussed the absolute best of things Davidson.

[Podcast Promos/Guests]

It's that and then there's everything else.

[Amy]

He would just shout one line with murder.

[Kat]

Marie lunch.

[Amy]

Let's talk about the best moments that

[Kat]

we had on the road.

[Amy]

I would love a cocktail. Dude. Joker get last row, middle seat on a Southwest Airlines flight.

[Kat]

Joe, how was your flight? It was great.

[Amy]

The guy in Penn State on the field and the player thought Joe was his former coach and he hugged him and hugged him and Joe just went with it and they don't.

[Kat]

The guy goes, what are you doing here, coach?

[Amy]

And Joe just goes.

[Kat]

And you walk in and it is bananas.

[Amy]

I mean, it's a feast for the eyes. And I was like, it's like it's

[Kat]

not my thing either.

[Jen]

But we're here.

[Amy]

When in Rome, top athletes, chefs, musicians, everybody. Listen to Paul's best podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Podcast Promos/Guests]

I'm Mangesha together and I'm back with

[Kat]

a new season of the podcast Skyline Drive. This time I'm diving into a rabbit

[Podcast Promos/Guests]

hole of peptides, organoids, blood boys, blue

[Kat]

zones and brain replacement to try to

[Podcast Promos/Guests]

understand what this longevity obsession is all

[Kat]

about and what it really means to

[Amy]

live forever for all of us. I learned about some rad science. I can make a brain for you and then we can test what drug is the best for your brain as opposed to his brain.

[Kat]

Here are some hard truths.

[Amy]

I would expect Indians to age faster, but I did not expect it to

[Kat]

be almost a four to five year

[Amy]

acceleration and get myself into a world of trouble. I'd say probably start bone smashing. That doesn't work. Make it look more defined. They say it works. I don't know.

[Podcast Promos/Guests]

Listen to Skyline Drive how to live

[Amy]

Forever on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

[Podcast Promos/Guests]

Mainstream media is full of cruel depictions of the unhoused stories that shame and blame and Paint the Unhoused as a monolith. We the Unhoused is the podcast that's changing that. I'm Theo Henderson, creator and host and for years I've created a space where the Unhoused and their advocates can tell their own stories. In the last few months alone, I've interviewed Unhoused parents, immigrants, mutual aid organizers, veterans, the LGBQTIA community, and the policymakers who make the laws that impact the Unhoused existence. We Unhoused, a two time Webby and Signal award winning show with many exciting guests on the horizon. Tune in this week for my interview with Dr. Gio Wicheric, a street doctor turned influencer whose work with the Unhoused community has made a huge impact online and in her community. Listen to we the unhoused on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Amy]

If you get a call from a scammer and you have the call, you think they're a scammer, you hang up. Are you ever calling them back?

[Kat]

No.

[Amy]

To check in on them or check on.

[Kat]

Check on what?

[Amy]

Okay, well, this isn't a very good setup because. Okay, recently something happened where somebody called my dad and pretended to be a bank the their bank and asked for some information. But my dad had the wherewithal to be like, this is weird that my bank's asking for this. They should have this information, whatever. So he's kind of weirded out. I think also they, they might have been asking for money. I don't know the whole details of it. But anyway, so he calls his bank and the bank's like that, whatever, that wasn't us. We don't know who that is. So he calls the number back. He was at my house. I felt very, I was like, dad, don't call back. He called the number back and at first he was like, who is this? And if you know my dad, he was like, who is this? And she was like, this is whatever. Then he was like, well, I don't think you are who you're saying you are. Yes. And then she was like, oh, sir. So she ended up lying and then convincing my dad that she was the bank he, that she did a whole360 on. She was like, oh, yes, we're aware that there's scammers that they're, they're, they're taking our number and they're using it fraudulently and we know what they're doing and we're on it. We're so sorry for the confusion, but we are aware of the problem. Thank you for calling back and letting us know. So she pretended like she. So she. Do you see how she. Like, totally. But I never would have called them back in the first place.

[Kat]

Okay. I. I wouldn't normally. Now, there is a time on the Bobby Bone show where we called a scammer that had emailed me, and then I started corresponding with him, and then we were like, well, let's get him on the phone. So we called and we got him on the phone, and we knew we were on to him, but he didn't know we were onto him. So then we were playing along like we were going to do it.

[Amy]

And what were they wanting from you?

[Kat]

They were wanting me to. They reached out about booking me on someone's podcast, but they were going to

[Amy]

pay me, like, that's very creative.

[Kat]

A few thousand dollars to come be a guest. And so then they wanted to set up a zoom with me, like a pre interview before the thing. And I think they get you to click on the zoom, and then I don't know what they do after you click the zoom link. I didn't. I wasn't gonna go that far, so I didn't end up clicking on it. But when we called, thick, thick accent, and we're like, so you are representing a podcast host here in America. You know, like, it just wasn't really adding up. But that's the one time we called back to try to. And then he got all worked up, I think, and.

[Amy]

But okay, this is my thought for both of those situations is, you know how when people, like, tap your phone, they need you on the phone for a certain amount of time before they can, like, tap into your. Have you ever seen that on, like, crime shows?

[Kat]

Yes.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

Like, you have to sit. Or if they're trying to track you, like, they're like, hold on for. Almost got their location. Yes.

[Amy]

So that's why I'm like, don't call them back, because I don't. How is there a way that they can get information just from being in contact with you? You know, like, that's funny. And I get it. You probably did it for, like, the. Oh, this is funny.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Kat]

We were doing it as, like, what

[Amy]

if they then tapped into your phone and they're still tracking you to this day?

[Podcast Promos/Guests]

Yeah.

[Amy]

And they're stealing money from you. One penny a day or something.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Anyway, don't call the scammers back, is the. The lesson there. Unless you want it for content, which

[Kat]

here we are talking about scammers, which we had no Intention of talking about scammers. But that's ADHD for you. Like, how? Perfect example. Yeah. How did we even get there? Salt stealing.

[Amy]

What was that?

[Kat]

Taking things. Oh, Netflix, Netflix, Netflix, Netflix, email. That's how we got there.

[Amy]

What was that? Sent me a meme that was like. Or maybe you tagged me in it that said my special or my super hard. My superpower or whatever it is. My trait is I can tell four stories while trying to tell one.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Like, that literally is. We can tell 20 stories. Like, trying to tell one.

[Kat]

The gift of me telling you this story is you get four for one.

[Amy]

Yes. And I think you. Yes, that was it. I think you're a great storyteller.

[Kat]

Oh, my gosh, I'm terrible.

[Amy]

I think a lot of people. I think it's because you tell stories. Stories. Like, I tell stories, and I want people to think that I'm a good storyteller because you get. You give so much information, and, like, I learned so much in that story versus, like, but here's what I'll do,

[Kat]

which has gotta be so annoying. In the middle of me giving a fact about the story that I'm telling, I'll just do another fact. Like, without.

[Amy]

You'll get off course.

[Kat]

Yeah, I get off course, but not any like, oh, hey, let me reference this part. I just kind of start telling the story and then I go, oh, reference something else. And then I come back and I'm like, that's gotta be really annoying.

[Amy]

I don't know that well. See example. This is what I was talking about earlier is I don't find those things annoying because I understand them and I do them. I like it. All right, so I think you're a great storyteller.

[Kat]

Onto the first ADHD email from Caitlin in Virginia. Hey, Amy and Kat. I wanted to reach out because I've really appreciated hearing you both talk about adhd. You're welcome. And I was hoping you might consider discussing it even more on the podcast. I was diagnosed with ADHD about a year and a half after becoming a mom, and it completely changed how I understand my life. Looking back, so many of the struggles I experienced finally made sense. I get that motherhood was really the catalyst that led to my diagnosis. And while it's been incredibly validating, it's also been a challenging journey. I also live with gad.

[Amy]

Gad. Gad. Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

[Kat]

Do you have that?

[Amy]

I'm not diagnosed with it, but I could sure get a diagnosis quick.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Okay. Illness. Anxiety disorder from childhood and medical trauma and ocd. So balancing all of that while raising a toddler can feel overwhelming at times. One of the things that's helped me the most has been hearing other women share their experiences. It reminds me that I'm not alone. I'd especially love to hear more about your personal ADHD journeys. What surprised you after your diagnosis? What parenting challenges you faced? What challenges you faced in pregnancy? Cat, I've never been pregnant. That's why my kids are adopted. In case you're new here, what strategies have actually helped, how you manage the mental load, and any practical tips you've learned along the way. I think there are so many moms like me who are diagnosed later in life and are trying to figure out how to navigate parenting while also learning about themselves for the first time. Thanks for all that you share. Your openness has helped me feel understood. I also love the feeling of the day. I have a group chat where my friends and I voice message our feeling of the day every week and it's been a great conversation starter. Love you guys. Caitlyn, Virginia, 32 years old. I love that group friend voice chat thing with feeling of the day. It's a good way to stay connected to your friends.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Kat]

And I love that it's once a week, no pressure. It's not like they're like every day.

[Amy]

Well, with adhd, I don't think we would make it very far doing that every day. Every day, which is a great tip is like make your goals smaller than you really want them to be. I always say start with something you know you can do. I know I could have a feeling of the day once a month with you. So I'm going to start with that, then get some confidence, then move up versus. I want to start this and I want to do it every day. I'm going to do it perfectly because then you'll. You won't do it at all.

[Kat]

I love that. And Kat and I were talking about this. Since we've got this email and another email coming up and we've had other ADHD emails in the past as well, we're going to look for an expert to potentially bring on because while Kat and I do have it and have lived with it, I was diagnosed at 20, 19, I guess. 19, 20 years old. I know that it was my sophomore year of college. How old were you?

[Amy]

I think I was 29.

[Kat]

Okay, so you were a little longer.

[Amy]

It wasn't that long ago.

[Kat]

It was just, you know, seven years ago. In your 20s.

[Amy]

But I, I thought I had just anxiety, so I went To a new. I think it was a psychiatrist and was talking and, and for the longest. If, if I never became a therapist, hopefully I would figure this out another way. But the reason I even found out like, you have anxiety is because learning about it that way, I just thought that's how people's brains worked. So I grew up just thinking like, this is how brains work and life

[Kat]

is just hard, hard. Yeah.

[Amy]

And so I went to a psychiatrist to see if I could get some anxiety medication or even just like talk about what do I do. And she was like, you have, I think, ADHD and the anxiety is a symptom of that because you want to be this way, but I can't be that way because I have all this stuff going on. And she was talking about how, like I, because I had. I struggle remembering things and it made me feel very dumb, for lack of

[Kat]

a better word, or inconsiderate.

[Amy]

Well, I, this was more like with work in school.

[Kat]

Oh, okay.

[Amy]

That, like, I just felt like I wasn't as smart as the people around me. And I had an imposter syndrome with where I went to grad school. I was like, how did I get in here? And she was like, you're very intelligent and you can learn things and you retain information, but your brain forgets where you put it. And lo and behold, getting help with adhd, I still struggle, but I can access that information easier now because I'm more, my brain can be more organized the better I am working on these things.

[Kat]

Yeah, I, I threw an inconsiderate in there because, yeah, on your level, yes. But when your personal relationships. Yeah, it can. It's perceived as inconsiderate because you don't remember certain things and you're not trying to be distant from those people or forgetful or intentionally like, oh, I don't

[Amy]

care about their birthday or the lunch we had planned.

[Kat]

Yeah, like, oh, how could you do that? But that's where the calendar became my best friend. And really relying on that. And I didn't start using a calendar full blown until 6 years ago, maybe maybe 7, but for sure in the last 5 years. Like I rely on it so heavily. And now because my calendar is used to it and our phones are more savvy, like, I'll get the notifications on my phone. Like if you've texted someone Happy birthday the year before, your phone will be like, hey, maybe it's so and so's birthday on this day. Because this time last year you texted them. So there's things that help us but it's putting those systems in, in place. And for me, at 21 or 20, whenever it was 19, 20, I was, I was medicated. And then I got off of it immediately. And we looked up what the doctor put me on because it's Strattera and I didn't realize that was a non stimulant because Adderall is a stimulant. And I think at that age I was so terrified of Adderall.

[Amy]

And why do you think you were terrified of it?

[Kat]

I don't know. I guess that was because. Because I thought I should be tested in high school. My mom probably never would have medicated me. I think maybe she was scared of Adderall. I just think if I had had Adderall when I was in school, I would have excelled like in a. Who knows? Sky's the limit. Instead, school was really, really freaking hard for me.

[Amy]

Do you think maybe you would have gotten a different answer on your career test? Yes, because remind everybody what they said you should do.

[Kat]

Operate heavy machinery.

[Amy]

Which also somebody with ADHD probably shouldn't get that right?

[Kat]

Probably not. But I think they were like, we don't really know what to do with this person. And not that if that is your job, that means anything. But that's not where my passion lies. That's not where my brain is going. But I think career wise, I just didn't know how to.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Focus. And anyway, school was hard, time is hard, all these things are hard. And I think getting the right systems in play for you, which sometimes that might be medication. I'm not medicated right now. Shocker. But I think Kat and I were talking about this earlier and you thought I got diagnosed in my 30s or 40s and that was my dyslexia. And also I just remembered that our nurse practitioner that we both know, I went and did some tests with her because if she was going to prescribe me Adderall, she wanted me to do the ADHD testing. And so as a 40 something year old, I was doing the test and I remember when I was taking it, I was like, what if she comes back? And like, you don't have it?

[Amy]

You know, and then would that have.

[Kat]

Sure enough.

[Amy]

But would you.

[Kat]

It's positive.

[Amy]

Would you have like that. A lot of people, I guess you get both ways. For me it was like, it's a relief. A relief. But a lot of people are like, I don't want a diagnosis. But I wonder if, if she was like, you don't have it, then would you be sitting Here being like, well, then what do I have with me?

[Kat]

I know. I think it's just. Just sharing a thought I had.

[Amy]

But that is. That must be why I thought that's when you got diagnosed, because I remember you getting the testing, but I also.

[Kat]

But that was for my Adderall. And that's when I finally surrendered and was like, okay, fine, I'll take Adderall. And I did. And it was fabulous for me until it wasn't. And now I'm just like, I'll do without. And I have other things that I do. So Kat and I's journeys are different, and we can go in more depth in a special ADHD episode one day. And at least now you have this answer and you can learn how to navigate it. And then the cat and I naturally weave it into episodes so you'll hear us talking about it. And then the cat's having her baby. So who knows when we'll land this expert and when we'll have them on. Because we're doing very few interviews these days, if any at all.

[Amy]

We've done one in the existence.

[Kat]

Well, then I did one. I did a bonus episode with Matt Smallbones. So we've done two. Since the start of Feeling things Foreign,

[Amy]

I do want to say, because we did talk about this, and this is something that I think maybe less through pregnancy and more. I'm anticipating this as a mom. Is something that could help universally. People with ADHD is delegation of tasks because we want to do everything. I'll speak for myself. I want to be able to handle everything, and I want to be able to do what everybody else does, and I want to be able to operate on that level. And sometimes I even want to operate a little higher. And I think what I have learned is I don't have the capacity. And I can do certain things really well, and I can do a small amount of things really well. But I also need a lot of help sometimes. And accepting help and asking for help are huge. And they don't make you less than they can ask. They can make you better.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

They can make you a better friend. And I've learned something. Like, if I've planned something with a friend, I'll say, can you please remind me? Because I'll forget. Then it's like I put it out there.

[Kat]

I warned you. I warned you. You're right. I think help and delegating because you, as with your pregnancy.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Kat]

You'll have new things you're experiencing once you become a mom. And for me, in my Career and through. Yeah, when, when our jobs first started in radio, it was like, okay, we had one thing to do.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Kat]

That has evolved over the last 20 years. So I have way more responsibilities. I've got my hands in a lot of different things. And the last five years have an assistant that helps me with things. Shannon. And sometimes you'll hear us reference her here on the podcast and that is very helpful and to me. And even managing. She'll help me manage work stuff, but also some kid things too. So where balls might get dropped. I. I do wonder where she saves the day with that. If we didn't have her, my ex husband would probably take on some more responsibilities. Cause that's what. When we were married, his role was a little bit more that stuff, like getting the kids registered for school or something. Like I remember when we first got them, like he did that.

[Amy]

You're like, I don't know.

[Kat]

It sounds hard otherwise. Yeah, that sounds really over. That sounds really overwhelming. But it sounds over. And some people might be like, stop being ridiculous. That's like you're a horrible mom. Or that's just the thought they had in my head. And I'm like, no, no, no, you don't get it. To me that sounds really overwhelming.

[Amy]

I am relating to this.

[Kat]

Thank you.

[Amy]

I keep seeing videos online that are giving like new mom's to do list of things and one of them's like registering for a Social Security number. And I'm like, I can't do that. What number is that? A form I can fill out online because I don't want to call anybody. So Patrick will be doing that and like getting them on our insurance and that stuff. Yeah, so hard to me. And even honest, I'm going to say this a little scary. I can do a lot of really hard things. I just want people, people to know that. But stuff, those little like tasks. What do you call those? Like admin tasks. I. I can spiral over them.

[Kat]

Here's the word.

[Amy]

So that's where I really ask for help.

[Kat]

Spiral is a word. But then paralyzed is a word.

[Amy]

I get paralyzed. And then I prolong them and then that prolonging them. You think this is the trap, guys, your anxiety about this says if I prolong this, if I push this, if I procrastinate, the anxiety will go away. Cause I don't have to do it. But what happens is you pushing it away makes the anxiety, perpetuates it. And so then this reminds me of like your driver's license. Can I say that?

[Kat]

Sure. Okay.

[Amy]

I Didn't know if that was. If we've talked about that. You're. It expired. Long time expired.

[Kat]

Yeah, but that doesn't stress me out, but.

[Amy]

Well, then why didn't you go do it?

[Kat]

Oh, sorry. It stressed me out to go do it.

[Amy]

That's what I'm saying. But.

[Kat]

But it. Here.

[Amy]

But it didn't stress me out that expired.

[Kat]

It didn't. It didn't stress me out that it was expired, which is crazy.

[Amy]

I would have both of those things.

[Kat]

But, like, but that's where we're different.

[Amy]

Yeah, but you. You didn't do it. And then the longer you didn't do it, the bigger the thing becomes, and that's where we get to ask for help. We're like this. Getting a Social Security number from my child sounds so scary. I'm sure there's an easy way to do it. I will be asking my husband to hold my hand or just do it. Honestly, he can.

[Jen]

I've been.

[Kat]

He can probably handle it. And I'm thinking, like, Ben won the lottery because a lot of the responsibilities that now I delegate to Shannon, he used to do. And I'm like, huh. Well, he's kind of winning there.

[Amy]

Yeah, he.

[Kat]

Yeah. Also, I'm thinking back if. If we really want something with adhd, like, really, really, really want it, like, adopting the kids. I really wanted to be a mom. And I'm thinking back to probably 2014, when we're in the thick of dossiers. And that's your big paperwork folder that's due for the child services in Haiti. I mean, there is so much stuff. I remember my dining room at our old house was like, the whole floor was covered in paperwork in different organized stacks where I stayed up one night, all night, figuring this out. And I didn't have help back then. I didn't again. My career was in a different place at that point, so I had more time. But also, I couldn't afford help like that, so I, I, I needed to do that. And it's something I really, really, really wanted.

[Amy]

You're hyper focusing on it.

[Kat]

And Ben was deployed in Afghanistan, so I was like, well, this is due. The responsibility is on me. And I was able to get it done, but it took like a. It was almost like I was tapping into this little superpower that I don't have access to all the time. It has to be the perfect storm of circumstances to where I'm, like, able to get that done. Where somebody else might be like, oh, yeah, dossier. I need to check this box. Check Check, check, check. Okay. Got it all organized. Like, I was. I mean, I took pictures. I was proud of myself. I took a video. I'm like, look at all this paperwork. I did this. And thinking back, I'm like, I did that, but it had to be done.

[Amy]

Yeah, it's different. We don't have. Yeah, I get what you're saying.

[Kat]

So that's another thing as a mom, when, like, stuff will kick in for you, if it's something you really want and it must be done. Well, that would be the answer, actually. They said sometimes they weed people out through the extensive process of adoption because some people think they want to adopt, and then they go through all the different steps and hoops that you have to go through. And I remember saying to somebody throughout the process of. This is just so much like other people. Just get to do it one night and randomly get pregnant.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Kat]

And like, here we are having. I mean, having to do my fingerprints multiple times for federal and local. Like, oh, there was different versions of it every year to prove that I'm still not a criminal. And nothing's changed. Nothing's changed. Still. Still haven't been arrested.

[Amy]

You're still afraid of retaliation.

[Kat]

Yeah, very. And they were like, well, yeah, part of this too. While all this does need to be done and it is necessary, it's like, also, you weed out people that maybe really don't want it, and that might change their mind, so. Okay, quick final ADHD email from Sawyer. Hey, Amy, I'm a listener down in Florida, and I'm reaching out to get your perspective on navigating a late in life ADHD diagnosis. My older brother Cedar, 41, in Chicago was just diagnosed in recent years. He's in therapy, but he's currently in a heavy slump, dealing with a lot of isolation and the grief of finding out so late. He feels like his past was wasted. He is actively looking to make a big career move right now, but the mental fatigue and executive dysfunction are making it incredibly hard for him to find his momentum. He has no kids and is not married, so it's just him in Chicago. I know you've been incredibly open about your adult ADHD journey. I'm trying to do my homework to learn how to truly understand his brain and support him, but I want to make sure I'm doing it without becoming a burden or suffocating him. If you have a quick moment, I would love to know, do you have any specific resources, books, podcasts, or pieces of advice that helped you or your loved ones wrap their heads around an Adult diagnosis. Any direction you could point us in for myself or my brother would mean the world. Thanks for always being a safe space for the neurodivergent community. Sawyer Brown.

[Amy]

I like their names. Cedar and Sawyer.

[Kat]

Yeah, their parents. Good kid names. There is a book called ADHD is Awesome and it's written by the Holderness couple. You haven't seen this Husband and wife. I was telling Kat about them before we were recording. She was like, I don't know them, but they pop up in my feed with cute little videos. And then they wrote a book about adhd. So the husband had it first and wrote this whole book first. Sorry. Yeah, he was diagnosed first and he wrote the book and so his wife was more of like this is my companion in this process. Well then I think just last year she got diagnosed so she's like way late to the party. So she. They have a perspective of a partner who was trying to support someone with ADHD and then later realized, oh wait, I have it too. And so for later in life diagnoses, they have a book, ADHD is Awesome. A guide to mostly thriving with adhd. And I love that they put that in there. Mostly thriving. And the book goes through what it's actually like to live with an ADHD brain. How to find humor in the pitfalls, sob stories, unbelievable triumphs, which I think would be encouraging for your brother who's in a slump. Wait, they won the Amazing Race?

[Amy]

I just saw that. Yeah, that's crazy.

[Kat]

How to tackle the challenges ADHD presents with a positive outlook, targeted tools and techniques to play to your new unique strengths. Fun extras like ADHD Bingo. An ode to cargo pants and what the world would look like if ADHD ADH deers were in charge. So that could be a fun book for you, which shout out to you being such a supportive sister for you and your brother to check out and

[Amy]

then maybe follow them.

[Kat]

Yeah, maybe follow him online. I. My heart hurts that he's grieving, you know, all the time where he probably felt like something's off, but he didn't have an answer. And I think there is a process in grieving that. But I hope he can grieve it and move on sooner than later. Cuz now we just need to. This is the card we've been dealt and now you can move forward. So like oh yay. I'm thankful for this information and now I wanna do something with it. See what is now possible. Like the question Donald Miller gave us, what does this make possible? Because if we spend too much time stuck in the past. That's gonna get us nowhere. Except for just stuck. And he, I assume, would like to propel forward, but I know that's easier said than done.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Cool.

[Kat]

So, like, that rack. And then, like I said, Kat and I are going to be looking and doing a targeted episode about this. So hopefully some of your questions will get answered then and we'll continue as we talk about our adhd. But you being there for him is probably the best thing. Like, she sounds like a really sweet

[Amy]

sister that she's asking for resources to help. Yeah. That's a big deal. Not everybody. That seems like second nature, but not

[Kat]

everybody would do that. Nope, nope, nope.

[Amy]

No.

[Kat]

Yeah. So he's lucky to have you, Sawyer. And hopefully we'll have more answers for you. But recommendation would be start with that book and then resources and encouragement. That's our tips. Those are our tips. I think that's it. And Cat and I hope wherever you are right now, you had the day

[Amy]

you need to have.

[Kat]

Bye. Bye.

[Amy]

This is an Iheart podcast. Guaranteed human.