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Amy Brown
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the fifth thing. I'm Amy.
Kat Van Buren
And I'm Kat.
Amy Brown
And today's quote comes from one of our listeners, Melissa, who emailed it to us. She said, hey, Amy, I just saw this quote and thought about your recent episode with Kat. I think it's because we were talking about hobbies. Like, Kat has all kinds of hobbies. Right now, she's doing everybody's nails. Like, everybody in Nashville. You need your nails done. Go over to Cat's kitchen.
Kat Van Buren
It will take me three hours, but it's looking good.
Amy Brown
Yeah. She does painting classes also in her kitchen, and soon to be pottery classes. She'll tell us more about that in a minute because she just ordered a pottery kit. But Melissa sent us this quote. Every time I think I have a new hobby, it turns out I just like to buy stuff. And I was like, oh, yeah. And I was just unboxing things before Kat got to my house and my family face cupping tool came in the mail. I am still doing face fitness. It's not a hobby. It's a lifestyle. And my cupping tool is like, you know, apparently I haven't even used it yet. I just pulled it out of the box, and it's gonna, like, suction to my face. And how does.
Kat Van Buren
Are you supposed to stick it on your face and leave it there?
Amy Brown
No, you do, like. Like, have you ever had a cupping done on your body or seen it done like an Olympian?
Kat Van Buren
Yeah, I've never personally needed it, for.
Amy Brown
Whatever reason, I'm not an Olympian, but I've had cupping done before. And it's like, glides across the face and like, suctions, like, and then. And you do it to your forehead. But I know there's rules, like, this is a bigger cup, and I'm only supposed to use it on certain parts of my face. And then there's a smaller cup that you use elsewhere. I don't know. But this is my algorithm now, because it's what I talk about and everything that pops up in my for you page or whatever. Is face fitness interesting?
Kat Van Buren
We have very different algorithms, but it's interesting because face fitness is something that you really could do with yourself and no real products. But now you're probably getting targeted for all of these fun, fun tools you can get to make your experience even better. And that's where the shopping addiction hobby comes in.
Amy Brown
I know I could see myself ordering.
Kat Van Buren
More tools, but that actually looks kind of cool.
Amy Brown
Yeah. And I'm not spending money on Botox.
Kat Van Buren
So you're saving money because that's cheaper Than Botox.
Amy Brown
That is my hobby.
Kat Van Buren
So there you go.
Amy Brown
Saving money. That's my hobby.
Kat Van Buren
It's a hack.
Amy Brown
It's a hack. Maggie, my cat is in here with us. And Kat was just looking over at her therapy cat was looking at my cat Maggie, and she was like, oh, my gosh, she looks like a human. And I said, oh, my gosh. I have to tell you what I told my boyfriend today. This morning, early this morning, he had to leave for like a work trip. So he was up early, and I guess his colleague, they were traveling together and they were going to be in the car for a long time. And I don't know, for whatever reason, I was like, well, if I come up, you should just tell him that I'm nervous. I am too. Because we're going to talk about red flags, this relationship. Even thinking back on it now, the fact that he had to listen to me say this and then process it like it might be a red flag.
Kat Van Buren
What did you say?
Amy Brown
Like, I don't know if later today when he gets back if I'm gonna have a boyfriend anymore. I said, what are y'all gonna talk about? Like, y'all need to talk about interesting things. Like, if I come up, like, you should, you could tell him about me, but you should tell him that I was raised by cats and see what he says. And I'm like. And don't budge. Just go with it. Be like, yeah, she was raised by cats. And he's gonna say, like, people named cat or actual cats. And then you should just, with a straight face as possible just be like, no, cats. She was raised by cats. Okay, I have another potential red flag question also has to do with my cat.
Kat Van Buren
Is this. Did you do this?
Amy Brown
Maybe I'm just having in my head only to myself, though.
Kat Van Buren
You kept this one in. You had enough self awareness to not say it out loud. That's what I did.
Amy Brown
This. Okay, So I ordered some new cat food and it came in and I was. I put the cat food in this clear Tupperware thing because when you open it up, Maggie doesn't like it if it's been. If like air has touched it for too long. Like, I guess it gets stale for her. So I realized if I put it in an airtight container, like, she'll. She doesn't get turned off by it. And cats are very picky. I'm pretty sure if they don't want what you're serving them and they don't have access to more food, they'll just not eat wither. Away. But the cat food came in, and there's this really beautiful cat on the packaging. And I feel like when I was opening it up to put it in the container, Maggie made this weird face. And I was like, well, that was weird. And I was like, maggie. She looked at me like, what? And I said, oh, I know what it is, Maggie. And then I started this whole story. I was like, you're mad because your sister's a model now, and she's living in New York modeling for cat food, and you are sad that you're stuck here.
Kat Van Buren
Wait, so this was just in your head?
Amy Brown
Well, I mean, I'm saying it to her.
Kat Van Buren
Oh, but nobody was around.
Amy Brown
Nobody was around. Okay.
Kat Van Buren
You're just having conversations in your head to your cat.
Amy Brown
But. But it was this whole thing about how her sister is the cat model for this cat food, and she's mad.
Kat Van Buren
Because she's living here.
Amy Brown
She's living here, and her sister's living her best life modeling for this cat food company in New York City. And Maggie can't even go outside. Like, she's.
Kat Van Buren
She can't even see New York.
Amy Brown
She can't even go outside.
Kat Van Buren
So what a sad life you live.
Amy Brown
I know, but is that weird?
Kat Van Buren
Did you do these kinds of things before you had a cat?
Amy Brown
I just feel like I've been doing weird things lately. Like, here's another one. My son, he woke up and walked into the hall. Like, we were waking up, it was morning time. And then I looked at him, and I was like. I go, what year is it? And he was like, 20, 25. And I was like, oh, okay. I was like, I don't know. I'm just seeing, like, electricity, and there's all these machines, and I have this machine in front of me that's, like, beeping, and it's got time on it, all this stuff. And he's looking at me, and he's like, what is wrong? And then we go down to the kitchen, and I'm like, what is this machine? And it's the dishwasher. And he's like, what is happening? And I'm like, stevenson, I swear. Like, we're over by the laundry stuff now, too. And I'm like, what is this? And I'm like, I swear, when I went to bed, like, we used to have to hang. Dry our clothes. And then with the toilet, I was like, I used to have to just go out into the yard and deal.
Kat Van Buren
What was he saying?
Amy Brown
He just was like, mom, you're crazy.
Kat Van Buren
You're crazy.
Amy Brown
And I was like, I went to bed and it was 1800 something. And now you're telling me it's 2025. And I mean, I kept it up for.
Kat Van Buren
But he didn't believe you did a little bit.
Amy Brown
I mean, he just kept looking at me. But he thought once I was, he realized I was just totally joking with him. Like he died laughing. And I'm like, you know, I think there's just something to just play. Like even with our kids. He's 14, but he was able to giggle with me. And then he started being like, okay, Mom. And I hope that that encourages him to play more. I mean, obviously when I start talking to Maggie about her model cat sister, she can't play back with me because she's a cat.
Kat Van Buren
Or laugh with you because she's a cat.
Amy Brown
I do think that maybe there's something inside of me that just wants to play. I don't know. I had a brain appointment last week. Did it unlock something?
Kat Van Buren
But also, do you think you're just in a lighter mood lately maybe because of some of just your life circumstances?
Amy Brown
I do wonder though, like, I had my neurofeedback checkup appointment and I wonder if it just sort of unlocks something that's like, be playful.
Kat Van Buren
Yeah.
Amy Brown
Have conversations with yourself more so than you do, like in the next level. Cause I've always sort of talked to myself, but now I'm just talking to.
Kat Van Buren
Other people as I'm talking to myself.
Amy Brown
Right. So anyway, are these red flags?
Kat Van Buren
Depending on the person, they could be, but maybe they're green flags for who you're dating.
Amy Brown
Yeah. Because he likes, says things like, you're funny.
Kat Van Buren
Yeah. And he means it.
Amy Brown
And I'm not saying that any of this stuff is like hilarious funny. Haha. But more just like you're funny. Like you're ridiculous. Like you're. You don't take life too seriously.
Kat Van Buren
Not like you're crazy.
Amy Brown
Like this feels in alignment with me. But I don't think I could have done this stuff. Like first date.
Kat Van Buren
No, I think if you did that, if you told him that you were raised. Well, actually that could have been really funny. If you did it to him when on our first date. And he was like, so tell me about your childhood. And you're like, well, I was raised by a cat.
Amy Brown
Cats.
Kat Van Buren
Cats. Multiple cats.
Amy Brown
I was raised. Yeah, I was raised by it.
Kat Van Buren
It could have been funny depending on the person. Or it could have been like, oh, I went on this date with this girl, she told me she was raised by cats. I didn't know what to say, well.
Amy Brown
I think that leads perfectly into the conversation of not everything is a red flag. You said it could end up being good. Like, it could be warning, but then it could be good of, like, maybe this is a sign you need to loosen up. Like, why are you taking life so seriously? What's wrong with me getting up and acting like when I went to sleep, it was 1898. I always wanted to live in the Gilded Age.
Kat Van Buren
Wait, was it you that I was just looking up what the Gilded Age was?
Amy Brown
Yeah, we talked about it on a recent episode. Because I love that show, the Gilded Age.
Kat Van Buren
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Amy Brown
But I said I. I for sure needed to be part of high society. But like the nice ones, because there's really snobby, mean ones. But I just want to. I want the amenities. Because life back then was a little rough.
Kat Van Buren
Hard.
Amy Brown
Yeah.
Kat Van Buren
Yeah. I think depending on when it comes to red flags, green flags, yellow flags. There. There are some things like. Okay. That you need to pay attention to, but most of the things that people call red flags are just dependent on who the person is. Wouldn't you agree? Like, it would be a red flag for you, but not a red flag for me. Some things.
Amy Brown
Yeah. I just think that it's another one of those buzz things we see on social. Speaking of algorithm, like, a lot of times you can just be fed a bunch of red flag stuff and then it makes you start to think that certain things are red flags. When it could turn you away from a relationship with someone and then you're missing out.
Kat Van Buren
Yes. And I think when. When that thought of it turning you away, when you're thinking about that, then you are climbing, clocking all of the weird things that you don't like versus paying attention to all the things that you do.
Amy Brown
Like, you know, let's be more about what we're for, not what we're against.
Kat Van Buren
Yeah, sure, I love that. But I also do like talking about people's red flags.
Amy Brown
But it. Okay, I agree. Sometimes that can be entertaining. I just think the. The main conversation is not everything.
Kat Van Buren
Not everything is flag. Yes. For example, I dated somebody who refused to wear deodorant when they worked out.
Amy Brown
Only when they worked out.
Kat Van Buren
Only when they worked out. They would put it on.
Amy Brown
They put it on after, they would.
Kat Van Buren
Put it on after. But they refused to wear deodorant when they worked out because in swore that sweat doesn't smell. It only smells after it's dry. So it would be a waste of deodorant to wear it while you're Working out, because it wouldn't. It's not gonna stop you from sweating. Mostly you're gonna sweat anyway, and it's not gonna smell until later. So I guess they thought they were, like, you know, pulling one over on the deodorant industry and saving a bunch of money. I thought it was very strange. And we continued to argue about that forever. But that was not a reason to end that relationship. It was a. It was weird. Not a red flag.
Amy Brown
Had he done the cost analysis of.
Kat Van Buren
A bar of deodorant?
Amy Brown
Yeah, like. Like, I'll buy the deodorant because I'm trying to even. It's like, less than a penny.
Kat Van Buren
Well, I even was like, I'll pay for the deodorant if you just want to wear it. And it was like, one of those things. You're just like, no, this is a hill I'm going to die on. I'm not wearing deodorant when I work out. I never understood why they were so stuck on that, where they wouldn't budge. I'm like, if it just makes me happy, just put the deodorant on.
Amy Brown
But he didn't smell.
Kat Van Buren
Yeah, I have to admit, his sweat, he didn't smell when he worked out. So it was hard for me to really have a point because he was right. But I looked it up. Sweat doesn't smell until it is either mixed with the air or dry. I don't know. But, like, actual sweat doesn't have a.
Amy Brown
Smell like Maggie's food when it mixes with air.
Kat Van Buren
I swear, my. If I don't wear deodorant when I work out, I swear I can't. Like, I don't want to be around myself. So it was very weird that I was like, well, maybe. I don't know. He has something. This works for him. Anyway.
Amy Brown
One of my old hobbies used to be that I would make my own deodorant. I gave up on that hobby because I started Just buy the deodorant that was the exact same ingredients. Because I do a natural one, and I love the one I'm getting. I've gotten it for years. I can't think of the name.
Kat Van Buren
It might be primally pure kind for a while.
Amy Brown
I've never tried that.
Kat Van Buren
Well, I didn't like it because it turned all my. It's like their charcoal deodorant, but it turned my, like, bras because it was, like, all natural. So it started getting, like, white on my, like, clothes.
Amy Brown
Oh, I just thought of mine.
Kat Van Buren
So then I bought the aluminum Kind.
Amy Brown
While you were saying that. No, milk. No, don't do that. No, go back. Milk and honey is the brand of mine, and I do the vanilla one. But, yeah, I used to get my own. All my own little ingredients, and I would whip up my own deodorant.
Kat Van Buren
Was it like a sticker? Like, did you just.
Amy Brown
No, I just keep it in a jar and just put it in my fingers and then put it on.
Kat Van Buren
Okay. He really wouldn't be wearing that deodorant.
Amy Brown
It was awesome, though. I mean, literally the kind I'm buying. The reason why I like to buy it better is whatever I was doing, it would just melt all the time, like, especially if it was hot out, like, in my little jar. And maybe I had too much coconut oil. But however they're whipping this up, it stays at least.
Kat Van Buren
But that was just for smell, not for sweat. So it would make your armpits smell better, but you're not going to stop yourself from sweating.
Amy Brown
I guess.
Kat Van Buren
I think that's what the aluminum does.
Amy Brown
No, that's the antiperspirant.
Kat Van Buren
Right. So that's what stops you from sweating. Antiperspirant.
Amy Brown
But what's the aluminum?
Kat Van Buren
That's what they put in.
Amy Brown
You can't get an antiperspirant without aluminum.
Kat Van Buren
That's just deodorant. Makes you not smell. But if it's an antiperspirant deodorant, it stops you from sweating as much, too.
Amy Brown
Okay. I used to use that stuff way back in the day, which who knows what kind of stuff that was doing for me. No, no, no, not that. The. The. You'd buy it at the drugstore and you'd roll it on and it would stop you from sweating.
Kat Van Buren
The clinical strength.
Amy Brown
Yes.
Kat Van Buren
Well, I think a lot of people use that kind of stuff when they're growing up, because through puberty, like, your armpits sweat a lot.
Amy Brown
Oh, you know, fun fact about me.
Kat Van Buren
I'm gonna brag about not having sweaty armpits.
Amy Brown
No, actually just gonna say, I hate the word armpit. I like underarm.
Kat Van Buren
Yeah. That sound better?
Amy Brown
Yes. It, like, just now when you said it, I was like, oh, cringe. And I was watching a TV show the other day. What show was it that I was watching? And they said armpit. Maybe it was younger. She said something about her armpit, and I was like, oh, don't say that.
Kat Van Buren
How dare you say that word? Underarm does sound much better.
Amy Brown
Yeah, just something about arm.
Kat Van Buren
Armpit.
Amy Brown
Yeah, it's not that. So I don't know. Red flag if you say armpit don't say armpit around Amy with words. I don't like moist either, but I think I that word doesn't dislike armpit more. Oh, I just said it. I don't like saying it. I'm sorry.
Kat Van Buren
That was also a delayed response. Like, realize you said it.
Amy Brown
Yeah, because then I'm like, oh, why am I saying it? And then to anybody else that has an aversion to that word. Ugh. Maybe it's because the cats that raised me, they don't have armpits.
Kat Van Buren
They have underarms. They have under legs.
Amy Brown
They have two underarms and then under legs.
Kat Van Buren
Would you call that an arm? I think that she has four legs.
Amy Brown
What? No.
Kat Van Buren
What?
Amy Brown
I guess that is how it depends on how we look at it. But I see have dogs have arms and legs.
Kat Van Buren
Wait, am I wrong?
Amy Brown
I'm sure you're right. I'm sure you're right. I just have always looked at them.
Kat Van Buren
As, like, cats and dogs don't have arms.
Amy Brown
No, they. Well, they have their arms and their legs.
Kat Van Buren
They have hind legs.
Amy Brown
Then how do you say. Okay, you would say the front leg.
Kat Van Buren
Sure. Yeah.
Amy Brown
Okay. That's fine if you want to talk about pets that way. But I like to say that they have arms. This is. This whole episode's a red flag. Like, don't date me.
Kat Van Buren
Well, you're the one raised by cats, so I guess you know what they want their front legs to be called.
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Kat Van Buren
Sure.
Amy Brown
No, I've never. I never made up a story about, you know, the cat on the cat food bag. I've not ever pretended like I was born in another century. And I have never asked a man to tell his co worker that I was raised by cats.
Kat Van Buren
We're gonna get all these emails being like, I went on a date with Amy and she told me she was raised by a cat.
Amy Brown
No, no, no, no, no. I've never done this ever. And to be fair, I wasn't gonna be the one delivering the news. It was gonna be him delivering it.
Kat Van Buren
True, true, true. Well, also, I think with red flags, things like, I'm just throwing things out there, but if. If you start dating somebody and maybe they aren't making a lot of money or they're in between a job or they, I don't know, just little things like that where people would. Would say, like, oh, red flag, like, he just lost his job or he just quit his job or whatever. Some of that also is like, is he building something that. Did he quit a job that was toxic? Like, we can't take every. I mean. Or is he just not. Not want to have a job? There's different degrees of that versus just looking at things as they are. Plainly. You have to kind of zoom out and see what the bigger picture is. Like you're talking about with talking to your cats and pretending you're a different world. Is she hallucinating or is she going through this phase of life where she's more silly and isn't taking life so seriously? You know, I think we kind of narrow those things down to be things and they mean things that they aren't.
Amy Brown
Yeah. Nobody comes without flaws, by the way.
Kat Van Buren
Well, and I always would say that of. I can't judge somebody that harshly. Maybe that's why I was with a guy that didn't wear deodorant, because I don't want somebody looking at all the annoying things that I do and been like, ooh, she did this, or her hair was cut this way, or she wore this type of shoe. Like you. People can get really picky with that stuff.
Amy Brown
Yeah.
Kat Van Buren
But like, oh, they wear flip flops. And it's like, that's not a reason to not date somebody. You might not like the flip flops, but am I not going to throw away the opportunity to get to know somebody because I Don't like their style.
Amy Brown
Okay. That just reminds me about this one guy right out of college that I went on a date with and he wore a white belt. And I was like, I can't. I can't go out with him again.
Kat Van Buren
Why?
Amy Brown
I saw it as a red flag, but clearly I needed to mature.
Kat Van Buren
Was. Was a white belt like a. I don't know. You just had an aversion to white belts.
Amy Brown
I thought he was really cute. He's the guy I was at the gym and going to the parking lot, and he stopped me in the parking lot and was like, hey, would you like to do something sometimes? I was like, oh, you know, good old fashioned. Meet somebody in the gym, parking lot.
Kat Van Buren
And then they wear a white belt and ruin it.
Amy Brown
And then he wore a white belt.
Kat Van Buren
Yeah. So you've grown.
Amy Brown
I've grown, yeah.
Kat Van Buren
Good for you.
Amy Brown
I don't know that I would be into the white belt today. Gotta be honest.
Kat Van Buren
Could you give them a second chance?
Amy Brown
Yes. I don't. Yes.
Kat Van Buren
You're like, I need to go on a date with you. Can you just not wear that belt so I can see? Yeah.
Amy Brown
I'd be like, this is not a deal breaker. We can work on this. I can eventually work my way into your closet and get rid of that.
Kat Van Buren
Sometimes I feel like with the red flags also, I think it's been rebranded as icks. You know, you've heard that shortly. If you gave me this. Okay. You look at me like you didn't. I know. I was talking about. I'm like, you taught me a couple slang words, like, I cooked last week, so you have to know ick. I think it's become, like, fun to, like, bring these things out in a game and then it just like creates an idea in your head. Like, if you're coming up with all these icks you have towards your partner or the person you're dating. So we need to create a game or a trend where you're finding all the good things about somebody.
Amy Brown
The reason why I gave you the look is because I'm like, I'm unsure if I put them in the same category as red flag and icks. I think that a lot of people do. I don't think you're. You're wrong. But I guess I was more contemplating that in my head because I feel like an ick to me is a fraternity tattoo on your ankle and you're in your 40s now, and it's like, shoot, dang. Why'd you make that decision?
Kat Van Buren
Like, but would you go Back out with them.
Amy Brown
Yes. But I'd be like, we're not still making bad decisions, are we? You know?
Kat Van Buren
Well, I guess I've heard some of my clients that are younger and they're dating, they've talked about, like, oh, I was seeing this guy, and then he did this thing, and he gave me the ick, and I just couldn't ever see.
Amy Brown
Okay, I guess that's like, you're right. You're probably hearing more of that type of talk from that.
Kat Van Buren
Like, I saw him hold an umbrella once.
Amy Brown
What? No. What's wrong with holding an umbrella?
Kat Van Buren
That's my point of like. Or like, I saw him, like, run holding something and, like, gave me the ick. I think that's for the point where I'm like, it's funny. Some of these are funny. Like, oh, I have an ick where, like, I can't. I can't see a guy hold an umbrella. But then it really gets in your head.
Amy Brown
Yeah, but still, now I'm. Now I am seeing the ick is like, something different than red flag. Like, I'm seeing, like, red flag.
Kat Van Buren
Red flag is like, oh, bad idea. That person is not.
Amy Brown
But is it.
Kat Van Buren
Versus ick is like, I'm not attracted to you.
Amy Brown
Right. So I guess my ick was the white belt.
Kat Van Buren
Yes. It gave me.
Amy Brown
It gave me. It gave me the ick. So now we're sorting this out.
Kat Van Buren
Sorry. The red flag is that she thinks she was raised by cats.
Amy Brown
We're millennials. We're trying to figure this out. So the ick is the stupid little stuff that's like, ick, but red flags sometimes. What we want to encourage you to do, all of us to do, is not everything's a red flag. Is like, if there is even something you notice. It's like, seems to be like a character thing. But if you put it into perspective of were they responding to something in this moment that's very contained to this, or is this overall who they are?
Kat Van Buren
Who they are? Yes.
Amy Brown
Like, that's where.
Kat Van Buren
Yes, that's. You put that so perfectly. I did, yeah.
Amy Brown
Learned it from my cat. Mom. I was gonna say probably you cat. You being cat. I'm sure you probably said it that way at some point. You're the therapist.
Kat Van Buren
I don't know. You put that pretty nicely. Where. Yeah. If you zoom out, is this a character thing or is this just in the moment, something that's happening?
Amy Brown
And I don't think you need to ignore your gut. Like, in the moment. Like, if you have a strong gut feeling about something don't be, you know, like, oh, I probably need to lean into this a little more just in case, to see, like, if you're unsure ever unsafe. Like, this, like, red flag. Be like, is this just in the moment or is he psycho crazy?
Kat Van Buren
Well, as you were saying that, I was thinking, like, if somebody texts too much, if somebody's texting you and texts you three times in a row, send a triple text. You might be like, red flag. Like, he's too needy, blah, blah, blah. But what if you guys had plans and he just, like, was nervous because you were late and thought something happened to you? You know what I mean? Like, is that. Is he really over communicative and too clingy for you, or is something in the moment happening? You know?
Amy Brown
Right. That makes me think of an example of being on time for something. Like, if it's a first or second date and they're five minutes late and you see it as like, oh, he must not really beat that into me. Like, he's not making me a priority or he's this. This respect. Like, if it's just happening that one.
Kat Van Buren
Time, that's not who they are.
Amy Brown
The perspective is, yeah, overall, you don't know who they are. You have to. It takes time to get to know that. Now, if you start dating him and he's just late all the time, then you have a decision to make. But it's not a red flag if he's five minutes late on the first or second date.
Kat Van Buren
That could have been the only time that guy ever wore a white belt.
Amy Brown
Yeah, I don't think so. Favorite belt I got. This is my favorite belt. Vibes. Like, I showed up looking my best, like, this is what I wear on my date.
Kat Van Buren
Amy's gonna love me in this white belt. Oh, no.
Amy Brown
And then I was like, what?
Kat Van Buren
Know that I've ever clocked somebody wearing a white belt? Now that we're talking about it right.
Amy Brown
Now, this was 2004.
Kat Van Buren
Well, I was alive during then.
Amy Brown
I know. I'm just saying, I'm like, well, God, this was 1862.
Kat Van Buren
This is in the gilded. Yeah, I might have had a white.
Amy Brown
Yeah, but you having a white belt is very different than a guy having a white belt.
Kat Van Buren
I don't know if I had it, but I remember people wore the grommet white belts with, like, the holes in them, you know, with a little grommet. You know what a grommet is?
Amy Brown
Yeah, I know who that is.
Kat Van Buren
You know those. They had them in black, too, but people wore them in white.
Amy Brown
I swear, okay, well, maybe I just wasn't in on. Maybe it was you, maybe it was me. Maybe I.
Kat Van Buren
You're the red flag.
Amy Brown
I'm the red flag? Well, I think it's obvious that I am. After this conversation, I think it's very obvious. I need help and I guess we'll find out if he ended up saying that on the car conversation. I tried to call him earlier to get an update on if they had the conversation or not, and I guess they're busy working or something because he didn't answer. It is a work trip. So then I just sent a text saying does so. And so I put the person's name. Think it's weird I was raised by cats. And he just sent that face palm emoji where the guy's like fitting his face in his hand like, oh my God. And then that's it. He hasn't communicated with me yet. But I'm gonna take that as he didn't take the challenge.
Kat Van Buren
Is this somebody he knows well? Yeah, I missed that. Okay. It would be even weird if it was like a newer colleague.
Amy Brown
No, I think it's like a colleague that like, let's just say, like, at his job he's pretty high up, but this person is part of like a company that's their, like, investor. Like, so then that would make this person, I guess, like a boss. I don't really know exactly how it works.
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Amy Brown
Maggie's been doing okay ever since she learned her sister's a model.
Kat Van Buren
She looks just fine.
Amy Brown
Yeah, she's pretty. She just sleeps all day. Meanwhile, Cara was in here and she didn't make a peep the whole time.
Kat Van Buren
She did very good.
Amy Brown
So we're almost gone are the days where pets are going to be with us. Kat and I are going to start filming every episode and no animals will be allowed. We'll be in the new podcast room that I'm working on at my house and we're just going to be way more buttoned up and official. But until then, it's the wild, wild west.
Kat Van Buren
Are you going to be sad to not have Cara next to you as much as you get frustrated with the noises?
Amy Brown
I feel like, yeah, I like her. I think I'll be around her enough. But we're, we're. Kat and I are up leveling so wait, wait.
Kat Van Buren
Up leveling?
Amy Brown
Yeah.
Kat Van Buren
Did you mean to say leveling up?
Amy Brown
No, it's up leveling.
Kat Van Buren
I'm not even making fun of you. I just didn't know if this is another way to say it. Up leveling. It is.
Amy Brown
What does it mean? Having greater capabilities or a higher version Number up leveling. What is up leveling? Let's go back to the literal meaning. Up leveling means going up a level, I. E. To the next level. It's a bigger jump than just a small incremental increase.
Kat Van Buren
Okay, here's your vocab word of the week. But I think you did mean leveling up.
Amy Brown
No. Okay, what does up level mean? In business, it means doing the hard work to get you or your business to the next level. Up leveling.
Kat Van Buren
So what does leveling up mean, then?
Amy Brown
Maybe it means the same thing.
Kat Van Buren
Okay, you know what? Up leveling sounds more prestigious than leveling up. It's kind of like armpit and underarm.
Amy Brown
What is a synonym for up leveling? And it's to propel forward, to rise to the next level, take it up a notch, succeed, elevate one's game.
Kat Van Buren
But not leveling up?
Amy Brown
Well, leveling up may mean that, but I guess I'm used to saying up leveling because of business.
Kat Van Buren
Oh, wait, you really do say that.
Amy Brown
I'm a business business person, Cat.
Kat Van Buren
I'm from the Gilded Age, and we do business there.
Amy Brown
I was raised by business cats. They are very, very well respected in the business community.
Kat Van Buren
I wonder if anybody else thinks this is funny.
Amy Brown
I was about to be like, people are going to think we're drunk, but I'm doing dry February, too. I just finished dry, and now I'm gonna.
Kat Van Buren
You're up leveling to February?
Amy Brown
To February because. Well, I read somewhere that to give your liver a really good detox, you should abstain from alcohol for six weeks. And so if I already made it to four weeks, then might as well go two more. And then maybe on Valentine's Day, I'll have a glass of wine.
Kat Van Buren
Why Valentine's Day?
Amy Brown
Because. Because.
Kat Van Buren
What are you about to say about cats?
Amy Brown
I was gonna say if I still have a bow after today. We were at the liquor store, like, around Christmas time, and he was buying some gifts, and he ended up getting, like, a really good bottle of red wine. He was like, we'll save this and we'll have it for something. And so I think we're gonna have it on Valentine's.
Kat Van Buren
Oh, that's sweet. Wait, I have to share what I'm Doing. I don't think I said this earlier, what I'm doing for Valentine's Day. I told you my pottery thing.
Amy Brown
Her hobby. Her new hobby.
Kat Van Buren
Okay. I've been trying to get into pottery for a while. The classes are very expensive and they do them in the community center like Nashville does them. And they're cheaper, but they're so hard to get into. Anyway, I was going to sign Patrick and I up for a Valentine's pottery class, but it was pretty expensive and so I was kind of like on the fence. I found. Why are you looking at me like that?
Amy Brown
I'm excited for you to tell people.
Kat Van Buren
I found a at home pottery kit. Like, it's just like air dry pottery. You don't like, put it in the kiln. Because I would totally buy a kiln.
Amy Brown
Exactly. That's why I'm looking at you like that. I'm like, wait for it. Wait for it. Cat's gonna start teaching pottery classes. That's why I said, oh, yeah. Earlier I mentioned Cat will tell you more about that because she's gonna be holding pottery classes and she'll get rid of her oven in her kitchen and replace it with a kiln.
Kat Van Buren
Okay, well, this was only $50 and it comes with enough clay to make like six things. So I told Patrick, we're gonna have an at home Valentine's Day pottery class. I saved $150 by spending 50.
Amy Brown
And now you have a Valentine's date.
Kat Van Buren
Yes, exactly.
Amy Brown
So you have something to do and you saved money.
Kat Van Buren
So everybody. I forgot where what the company was, but I'll post it somewhere. If I.
Amy Brown
Well, I can link it in the show notes. If you can find it by the time the show notes go up, then we can link it.
Kat Van Buren
And if you want to take a class from me, I'll probably be teaching them in about six weeks.
Amy Brown
Maybe you could do it virtually, virtually. People could get their little pottery kits in the mail.
Kat Van Buren
I can create my own pottery kit and sell them.
Amy Brown
I'm about to get my starter for my sourdough and I'm be making my own bread. I know I'm five years late on this trend.
Kat Van Buren
I think people are picking it up now.
Amy Brown
Yeah, I know, but I feel like 2020 was really the time that I should have taught myself, but.
Kat Van Buren
Yeah, but now people have perfected their recipes, so it's going to be better for you.
Amy Brown
Yeah, I feel like I'm keep it pretty simple. Back in the 1800s, how we used to do it, it's just three ingredients. But I got to Get a starter. But apparently there's this one bakery here in town. You can go get it. And their starter is a hundred years old.
Kat Van Buren
I was going to say you can get it from my mom for free, but that sounds pretty sweet, but also sounds crazy.
Amy Brown
100 year old, it's just been multiplying for 100 years.
Kat Van Buren
That. That kind of weirds me out. I think my mom bought hers off of like, Etsy.
Amy Brown
Yeah, people do that too. So I had a friend that ordered one like that, and it was okay. Like, she was making okay bread. And then she went to this bakery, to the 100 year old thing, and she's like, bread is next level. She's doing everything the same, but it's just better.
Kat Van Buren
It's local here. Oh, I have to tell my mom. My mom has found a way to make everything out of sourdough starter. That's her life now.
Amy Brown
That is her hobby.
Kat Van Buren
We're just gonna be me with pottery.
Amy Brown
Yeah. Will you make pottery? I'll make bread.
Kat Van Buren
I can make a pottery bowl. And you can put the bread in the bowl.
Amy Brown
Okay.
Kat Van Buren
And then we can sell them together. Like you can sell your bread and.
Amy Brown
I'll make this too.
Kat Van Buren
You don't know. I just. In my head, this is gonna blow up.
Amy Brown
Okay. Yeah. We have other things we need to work on, but, like, business wise.
Kat Van Buren
Well, it could be. We could weave it in somehow.
Amy Brown
Well, we could weave it in. Yeah, we can do. So back to that. Our business that we're working on, it's up leveling. We're about to up level up in here. So no dogs, no cats. Except for cat therapy. Cat cat Van Buren. No cats with a C, only Catherine. Do you want to go by Cat.
Kat Van Buren
Or Catherine when we up level? Well, if we consult with the business cats, they'd probably say Catherine because it's more sophisticated. But I think I'm kind of stuck with Kat.
Amy Brown
So we'll be up leveling to Amy and Catherine.
Kat Van Buren
What's the long form of your name?
Amy Brown
Amelia.
Kat Van Buren
It's a beautiful name.
Amy Brown
Amy. Elizabeth.
Kat Van Buren
I love the name Elizabeth. Okay, Amy, Elizabeth. And Catherine's pottery and bread classes.
Amy Brown
Should I get rid of Brown? I mean, I did get divorced.
Kat Van Buren
You would have to change so much stuff.
Amy Brown
Yeah, I mean, I just mean professionally. Should I. I mean, I like having the same last name for my kids, but I did notice that my ex has me and his phone now as Amy and my maiden name.
Kat Van Buren
No way.
Amy Brown
Yeah. And I was like, which, I get it. We're divorced, so that's fine.
Kat Van Buren
But that's still your last.
Amy Brown
But his contacts, like he synced some of them up with our son's phone. So then my son had me in his phone as my maiden name and I was like, well what was she in?
Kat Van Buren
What were you in his phone when you're married?
Amy Brown
I don't know, probably like wife wife or. Yeah, so he was in mine as husband which I get for him. Why would he put me in as Amy Brown? Because we're divorced now but it is still my name.
Kat Van Buren
But that's your name.
Amy Brown
I know, but I don't really know. I don't really know how to handle this because professionally I'm Amy Brown. My kids are still brown. My mom always kept her married name after my parents weren't together forever but she died with my dad's last name and I don't know how my dad.
Kat Van Buren
A lot of people do that.
Amy Brown
New wife felt about that but whatever. Like if I ever get remarried I would take my new husband's last name but professionally I would still be Amy Brown. Unless when we up level I just go ahead and make the switch to Amy Elizabeth.
Kat Van Buren
I don't get the rationale.
Amy Brown
Well it just gets rid of any. Then I can get married and divorced as many times as I want.
Kat Van Buren
But people who are very famous, like Hailey Bieber who was. Can't remember her old last name.
Amy Brown
Baldwin.
Kat Van Buren
I was trying to be dramatic. I was kidding but like of course.
Amy Brown
She would take Bieber's last name. What are you talking about? What did she do before I get you as a famous child, did she. I don't know.
Kat Van Buren
I think she was a model.
Amy Brown
Okay, so she was a model.
Kat Van Buren
I know other people have done this. I just can't think of that.
Amy Brown
Her changing her name up levels everything to Bieber if of course she changes to Beeper.
Kat Van Buren
Well what if changing your last name up levels you?
Amy Brown
It's not going to up level anything. Even my name right now doesn't give me any like she Baldwin. She has more like do you know me Amy Browns? There are. I can't even get amybrown.com because Amy Brown is a fairy artist and she already has.
Kat Van Buren
You should Google this before you make the decision. People in the media who change their last name when they get married.
Amy Brown
Yeah, I don't really think it's going to impact me that much. I just don't know that I'm that known as Amy Brown. So I don't think it's that big of a deal. Like it'd be. Well, that's what I'm saying. But Right now, the podcast is for Things with Amy Brown.
Kat Van Buren
Yeah.
Amy Brown
So if we up a level, that's our cue to go. Car is making noise. We just want to thank all of our loyal listeners that are still listening at this point.
Kat Van Buren
No matter what our names are.
Amy Brown
No matter what our names are. Maybe you have a story where you've gone through this professionally and you've gotten divorced. Like, what do you do?
Kat Van Buren
We could uplevel to Amy, Elizabeth and Catherine Mary. That's my name.
Amy Brown
So many names for people to remember.
Kat Van Buren
They sound very professional names. Amy, Elizabeth. You sound like somebody from the Gilded Age.
Amy Brown
Yeah. We could talk about all things 1800s.
Kat Van Buren
That's what we're uploading to. Riveting.
Amy Brown
Stay tuned, Stay tuned. We're gonna like to know. Like to know it. All of our outfits and dresses and umbrellas.
Kat Van Buren
I was gonna say is the Gilded Age when they like churned butter and stuff, or is that a long time ago?
Amy Brown
I think some people still turn butter, but, like, the light bulb was invented then. I only know that because Thomas Edison was on one of the episodes.
Kat Van Buren
You could upload your original light bulb that still works to this day.
Amy Brown
Huh?
Kat Van Buren
From the Gilded Age. I told you about the light bulbs, how they've changed the way they've worked.
Amy Brown
Oh, yeah. Because you said they were supposed to last 75 years.
Kat Van Buren
Yes.
Amy Brown
And then so you might.
Kat Van Buren
Bulbs.
Amy Brown
Yeah. We need a light bulb that's going to last forever. But that's so many things. They're just really trying. Everybody's just trying to get us to spend more money.
Kat Van Buren
Yeah. Wow. That's.
Amy Brown
The Cat and I. We're going to be. We're going to give you our podcast. We're going to keep giving you our podcast for free, but we may up level to some other things that would be things added value that you could invest in for yourself, like sourdough starters and pottery kits. Our cooking show. What else? Okay, I think this is like, yeah, we gotta go. Houston's like, what is happening? Hi, Houston. He's editing and he's probably like, why is this still going? Cat, where can people find you on Instagram? Cat Van Buren and I am at Radio Amy and I will see y'all on Thursday. I'm gonna have my dermatologist on.
Kat Van Buren
Ooh, wait.
Amy Brown
Kinds of questions like, how often you should be showering, how often you should be washing your hair, what temperature water.
Kat Van Buren
To use in the shower.
Amy Brown
We already know that's lukewarm.
Kat Van Buren
Okay, well, it'd be nice to hear from them.
Amy Brown
Well, I know, but whenever I said It. I said my dermatolog. I mean, yes, coming from his voice, you mean, like, it has more credibility?
Kat Van Buren
Yeah. No offense to you.
Amy Brown
Thank you. Lukewarm showers, but, like, long should they be? And then because boyfriend, my boyfriend, he doesn't. He won't shower every day. Sometimes he'll just lean in and, like, wash his hair because he doesn't want to dry his skin out.
Kat Van Buren
And my boyfriend wouldn't wear deodorant. So I feel it.
Amy Brown
If I had learned this early on, it might be an ick. But now I'm like, wait, what's the.
Kat Van Buren
Rationale of not showering your body?
Amy Brown
He says we don't need to wash our skin every day. And that's why I'm going to talk to my dermatologist about it.
Kat Van Buren
Sometimes I want to take two showers a day.
Amy Brown
I know. He says I shower too much.
Kat Van Buren
He washes his hair more than he probably should wash his hair.
Amy Brown
Yeah, I don't. I. I mean, I don't know, honestly, how many days he can go without a shower. And he doesn't smell.
Kat Van Buren
It's probably because he's wearing deodorant.
Amy Brown
Yeah, but he doesn't. He tells me I showered too much. And then the other day he was like. We were on the phone, he was like, hold on, I gotta go. Just stick my hair in the water real quick. And I was like, wait, why aren't you just getting in the shower? And he's like, I'm not gonna wash my body today. It's not my body washing day.
Kat Van Buren
I also just, like, love taking a shower.
Amy Brown
So do I. I love taking a bath, too. But we're going to talk about that sort of stuff. Like, if you like taking hot baths, like, what do we do for our skin?
Kat Van Buren
Yeah.
Amy Brown
And then scalp health. Dermatologists focus a lot on scalp health. I didn't realize that.
Kat Van Buren
Really? So, like, is dry shampoo bad for our health?
Amy Brown
Yeah. I do have a question for him about dry shampoo and then other things. Like some stuff is just, Is this trendy and good marketing or do we need to buy it? Or what drugstore things do you really like? How do you feel about face fitness?
Kat Van Buren
How do you feel about facial cupping?
Amy Brown
Let's see what he says. If he says, whatever doesn't work, I'm gonna be like, you're a liar.
Kat Van Buren
What are your credentials anyway?
Amy Brown
Yeah. You say you're double board certified.
Kat Van Buren
You went to Harvard. Yeah. Right. Show me your diploma.
Amy Brown
Right. So anyway, I'm hoping he doesn't say that. If he does, I'm gonna be like, got any Botox? Just inject me. Now.
Kat Van Buren
You have to go to bed. I feel like it's time for you to like, reset.
Amy Brown
Okay, bye bye.
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The Bobby Bones Show: Episode Summary
Episode: Hobbies, Red Flags & Why Amy May No Longer Be Datable (5th Thing)
Release Date: February 4, 2025
Host/Authors: Amy Brown & Kat Van Buren
The episode kicks off with Amy Brown and Kat Van Buren delving into the topic of hobbies. Amy shares a listener's quote highlighting Kat's diverse interests. Kat humorously mentions her current ventures, including doing nails for everyone in Nashville and her upcoming pottery classes.
Amy Brown [00:07]: "Kat has all kinds of hobbies. Right now, she's doing everybody's nails. Like, everybody in Nashville. You need your nails done. Go over to Cat's kitchen."
Kat adds, emphasizing her dedication to aesthetics and crafts.
Kat Van Buren [00:28]: "It will take me three hours, but it's looking good."
Transitioning from hobbies, Amy discusses her engagement with face fitness—a lifestyle choice rather than a mere hobby. She humorously recounts unboxing a face cupping tool, revealing her penchant for purchasing beauty gadgets.
Amy Brown [00:28]: "Every time I think I have a new hobby, it turns out I just like to buy stuff."
Kat remarks on the influx of face fitness products, linking it to potential shopping addictions.
Kat Van Buren [02:15]: "It's interesting because face fitness is something that you really could do with yourself and no real products. But now you're probably getting targeted for all of these fun, fun tools you can get to make your experience even better."
Amy shares a lighthearted yet revealing story about her attempts to communicate with her cat, Maggie, intertwining it with her recent dating experiences. She describes instructing her boyfriend to inform his colleague that she's "raised by cats," hinting at underlying relationship red flags.
Amy Brown [02:28]: "This is my algorithm now, because it's what I talk about and everything that pops up in my for you page or whatever."
Kat questions the nature of Amy's behavior, leading to introspective discussions about self-awareness and personal quirks.
Kat Van Buren [03:58]: "You kept this one in. You had enough self awareness to not say it out loud."
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to unpacking the concepts of red flags and "icks" in romantic relationships. Amy and Kat explore how societal algorithms and social media influence perceptions of what constitutes a red flag, often leading individuals to overlook positive traits.
Amy Brown [10:07]: "I just think that it's another one of those buzz things we see on social."
Kat Van Buren [10:22]: "Yes. And I think when that thought of it turning you away, when you're thinking about that, then you are clogging..."
They discuss personal experiences, such as Kat dating someone who refused to wear deodorant while working out, illustrating that not all unconventional behaviors are detrimental.
Kat Van Buren [11:01]: "They refused to wear deodorant when they worked out because I swore that sweat doesn't smell. It only smells after it's dry."
Amy adds her perspective, emphasizing the importance of not labeling minor quirks as red flags prematurely.
Amy Brown [16:57]: "When you stop looking at everything as a red flag, and this could be in any human, we're talking about dating..."
The conversation shifts towards fostering a positive outlook in relationships by focusing on what partners bring to the table rather than fixating on flaws. Amy and Kat advocate for recognizing growth potential and understanding behavior within context.
Kat Van Buren [22:12]: "There are some things like, okay. That you need to pay attention to, but most of the things that people call red flags are just dependent on who the person is."
Amy Brown [22:27]: "Nobody comes without flaws, by the way."
Amy recounts a humorous anecdote about an old date where her attraction waned due to minor details like a white belt, illustrating how personal biases evolve over time.
Amy Brown [23:03]: "I thought he was really cute. He's the guy I was at the gym... And then he wore a white belt."
Kat playfully teases Amy about her heightened sensitivity to such "icks," underscoring the subjective nature of relationship perceptions.
Kat Van Buren [23:43]: "You're the red flag."
Towards the episode's conclusion, Amy and Kat discuss "up leveling" their podcast, contemplating a rebranding effort that includes changing their names to sound more sophisticated. They humorously debate the merits of "up leveling" versus "leveling up," ultimately deciding to retain their current personas while hinting at future developments.
Amy Brown [34:21]: "We're about to give you our podcast. We're going to keep giving you our podcast for free, but we may up level to some other things..."
Kat introduces her new hobby of pottery, laying the groundwork for potential future collaborations and classes.
Kat Van Buren [37:07]: "I've been trying to get into pottery for a while... I'm gonna have my dermatologist on."
The episode wraps up with light-hearted banter about their upcoming projects and the potential impact of their rebranding. Amy and Kat express excitement about evolving their podcast while maintaining their unique dynamic, promising more engaging content in future episodes.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps:
This episode offers a blend of personal anecdotes, insightful discussions on relationship dynamics, and humorous exchanges between Amy and Kat. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their perceptions of red flags and embrace the growth potential within their relationships.