MORGAN: A Sailor, an Author, and a Love Story: Stories From the Other Side of 80

Summary

Podcast Title: The Bobby Bones Show
Episode: MORGAN: A Sailor, an Author, and a Love Story: Stories From the Other Side of 80
Release Date: July 6, 2025
Host: Morgan Human
Description: In this heartfelt episode, Morgan Human connects with the vibrant residents of Abe's Garden, delving into their rich life stories. Featuring Dave, an 84-year-old published author and former journalist, and Carol, an 85-year-old devoted mother and resilient widow, the episode explores themes of love, perseverance, and the joys and challenges of aging gracefully.

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1. Introduction to Abe's Garden and Its Residents

Morgan Human opens the episode by warmly introducing the audience to Abe's Garden, a community home for seniors where residents share their life stories and experiences. She emphasizes the beauty and wisdom that come with age, setting the stage for the insightful conversations to follow.

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2. Interview with Dave: The Author's Journey

Age and Background:
Dave, nearly 84 years old, is introduced as a published author residing at Abe's Garden. He shares his journey into writing, highlighting his long-held passion for storytelling and journalism.

Writing "Sweet Adversity":
Dave discusses his book, Sweet Adversity: A Southern Writer Finds Stories and Good in Everything, explaining the motivations behind it.

Dave [03:05]: "I've worked for 34 years and was so busy with raising children and caring for my parents that I never got my book done. At Abe's Garden, I finally found the time and support to publish it on my 83rd birthday."

Early Career and Education:
Dave reflects on his early days writing for his high school newspaper and his honors in journalism. He details his academic path, including his degree in journalism from the University of Georgia and his teaching experience in creative writing.

Personal Life and Marriage:
Dave candidly shares his experience of a long-term marriage that lasted 39 years, marked by his husband's undiagnosed bipolar disorder. He recounts the challenges of maintaining the marriage while raising two children and ultimately his decision to divorce after his husband began an affair.

Dave [07:10]: "I knew in the first week of living with him that we shouldn't be married, but back then, divorce was rare. It wasn't until he had a girlfriend that I knew it was time to end it."

Life After Divorce:
Post-divorce, Dave finds happiness focusing on his writing, traveling, and building strong friendships. He discusses the importance of self-reliance and personal growth.

Dave [09:21]: "I've never been happier in my adult life. I manage my own money, choose my own clothes, and enjoy a fulfilling life through writing and friendships."

Advice on Aging and Pursuing Passions:
Dave offers inspirational advice to older adults, encouraging them to pursue their dreams and stay active.

Dave [17:05]: "Older people can still do what they've always wanted. Whether it's traveling or knitting, it's possible to achieve it."

Reflections on Physical Changes:
He acknowledges the physical changes that come with aging but maintains a positive outlook on growing older.

Dave [18:11]: "Hair gets thinner, skin thins, and you gain weight in unexpected places, but it's all worth it to grow older and be happy."

Conclusion of Dave's Segment:
Dave shares his positive experience at Abe's Garden, emphasizing the sense of community and safety it provides.

Dave [18:55]: "This is a happy place. I felt safe and content the moment I walked in."

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3. Interview with Carol: A Life of Love and Resilience

Age and Background:
Carol, 85 years old, shares her life story as a dedicated mother of five and a devoted wife. She relocated to Florida in 1978 due to her husband's heart problems and spent four decades there.

Marriage and Family Life:
Carol recounts meeting her husband, Larry, in college when he accidentally knocked her down on the stairs. Their relationship blossomed quickly, leading to marriage within a year.

Carol [46:00]: "He knocked me down, and I still said, I'll take him."

Coping with Larry's Health Issues:
Carol discusses the challenges of her husband's multiple heart surgeries and the emotional toll it took on their family.

Carol [50:50]: "We had to prepare physically, mentally, and financially for when he might leave this earth."

Life After Larry's Passing:
Following Larry's death, Carol speaks about the void left in her life and how she coped by staying active and maintaining connections with family and friends.

Carol [54:21]: "I never thought I'd spend my golden years by myself, but I had to prepare for that possibility."

Favorite Memories:
Carol reminisces about favorite moments with Larry, including fishing trips and supporting each other through health crises.

Carol [53:57]: "He was very gentle, soft-spoken, and honest. Those qualities made him the perfect husband."

Advice for Future Generations:
Carol emphasizes the importance of preparing for the future, maintaining strong relationships, and cherishing family bonds.

Carol [57:49]: "Think about when you get old and be prepared physically, mentally, and financially."

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4. Reflections and Shared Wisdom

Dave's Insights:
Dave reflects on the importance of staying active and embracing life's opportunities at any age.

Dave [40:32]: "Enjoy it for as long as you have it. Use it or lose it."

Carol's Lessons:
Carol highlights the significance of community support and the unpredictable nature of life, urging others to cherish their relationships and prepare for the future.

Carol [57:46]: "People need to think more about when they get old and be prepared."

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5. Final Thoughts and Community Highlights

Morgan wraps up the episode by celebrating the stories shared by Dave and Carol, emphasizing the strength and wisdom that come from their experiences. She encourages listeners to appreciate the stories of those around them and to foster connections within their own communities.

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Notable Quotes:

• Dave [03:13]: "I've always written, but I've never been able to get my book done. So when I came to Abe's Garden, I started on my book."

• Dave [07:10]: "I knew in the first week of living with him that we shouldn't be married, but back then, divorce was rare. It wasn't until he had a girlfriend that I knew it was time to end it."

• Dave [09:21]: "I've never been happier in my adult life. I manage my own money, choose my own clothes, and enjoy a fulfilling life through writing and friendships."

• Dave [17:05]: "Older people can still do what they've always wanted. Whether it's traveling or knitting, it's possible to achieve it."

• Dave [18:11]: "Hair gets thinner, skin thins, and you gain weight in unexpected places, but it's all worth it to grow older and be happy."

• Dave [40:32]: "Enjoy it for as long as you have it. Use it or lose it."

• Carol [46:00]: "He knocked me down, and I still said, I'll take him."

• Carol [53:57]: "He was very gentle, soft-spoken, and honest. Those qualities made him the perfect husband."

• Carol [57:46]: "People need to think more about when they get old and be prepared physically, mentally, and financially."

---

Conclusion

"MORGAN: A Sailor, an Author, and a Love Story: Stories From the Other Side of 80" is a poignant episode that celebrates the lives of Dave and Carol, showcasing their resilience, love, and the profound wisdom they've garnered over the years. Through their stories, listeners gain valuable insights into navigating life's challenges, the importance of community, and the enduring spirit that keeps the heart young.

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Listen to The Bobby Bones Show on your preferred podcast platform to experience these inspiring stories firsthand.

Transcript

[Ebony]

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[Jeff Perelman]

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[Rick Jervis]

You go online, at home, and especially.

[Jeff Perelman]

On public WI fi. Get IPVANISH now for 70% off a yearly plan with this exclusive [e-mail] audio I'm Jeff Perelman.

[Reggie Payne]

And I'm Rick Jervis. We're journalists and hosts of the podcast Finding Sexy Sweat.

[Sandra]

At an internship in 1993, we roomed with Reggie Payne, aspiring reporter and rapper who went by Sexy Sweat a couple years ago.

[Reggie Payne]

We set out to find him, but.

[Sandra]

In 2020, Reggie fell into a coma after police pinned him down and he never woke up.

[Carol]

But then I see my son's not moving.

[Reggie Payne]

So we started digging and uncovered city officials bent on protecting their own.

[Sandra]

Listen to Finding Sexy Sweat on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your pod.

[Jeff Perelman]

I know a lot of cops. They get asked all the time, have you ever had to shoot your gun? Sometimes the answer is yes. But there's a company dedicated to a future where the answer will always be no. This is Absolute Season 1 Taser Incorporated.

[Morgan Human]

I get right back there and it's bad.

[Jeff Perelman]

Listen to Absolute Season 1 Taser incorporated on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Morgan Human]

Take this personally with Morgan Human. The Apes garden residents are joining us this week and next. I'm so excited for you to hear their stories. All of them are 80 years old and plus, and we have stories from their lives that I'm really honored that they're letting me share with you. This week we have Sandra, Dave, and Carol all joining the show. So sit back and enjoy some very Beautiful story times. Ms. Sandra joins me right now. I am so excited to chat with you. We have a published author in our midst. How are you?

[Dave]

I'm good. I'm happy.

[Morgan Human]

Yeah. Excited to talk all about some fun stuff of your life in your book.

[Dave]

Yes.

[Morgan Human]

So, Ms. Andrew, we start with this. How old are you?

[Dave]

I am 80. Well, I'll be 84 in just a couple of days.

[Morgan Human]

Oh, happy early birthday. Yes, very exciting. But you, as I just mentioned, are a published author. Is this your one book? Are you writing another book? What's happening?

[Dave]

I'm writing another book right now and I have. I have space and time to do it here at Abe's Garden. And it's wonderful and I have a lot of support in doing it. But this is the book I published.

[Morgan Human]

Okay. And it's called Sweet Adversity.

[Dave]

Sweet Adversity. Read the subtitle.

[Morgan Human]

A Southern writer finds stories and good in everything. Tell me about this. Tell me why you wrote this book.

[Dave]

Well, I. I've worked for 34 years and I was so busy with take raising children and then I had the care both my parents for about five years. And I've always written, but I've never been able to get my book done. So when I came to Abe's Garden, I started on my book. I've been here two years and it was published on my 83rd birthday last year. Wow. May 31st.

[Morgan Human]

Did you always want to be a writer?

[Dave]

I have always written. I have a journalism degree and I've always written and I've taught writing. I've taught creative writing at a community college. And this is just my thing. I don't play cards. I don't smoke or drink or do anything wicked. I just write.

[Morgan Human]

Do you also like to read too?

[Dave]

I love to read. I think you have to read to be a writer writer. If you don't read, it's very difficult to write.

[Morgan Human]

What made you get into journalism and creative writing in the first place?

[Dave]

Well, I took journalism in high school even, and I worked on the school paper. But the big honor of my life when I was 18 was I was selected to write the Teen Talk Topics column for the local paper. I'm from Oak Ridge, Tennessee, and I went to Oak Ridge High School.

[Morgan Human]

What were you writing about Teen Talk?

[Dave]

Oh, my goodness. I did two columns a week for the local newspaper about teen activities. So anything that young people were doing in town, I would write about it. And one of the best things about this, I got invited to every party, I got invited to every dance. I got invited to things where I wondered, why did they invite me? And then I remembered they want their name in the paper.

[Morgan Human]

So you're writing all the stuff I did.

[Dave]

And I covered not just the popular people. I covered everybody. So people still remember that I wrote Teen Talk column, the Teen Talk Topics column. And I got $2 a column. So I made $4 a week writing that book right in the column.

[Morgan Human]

Was that really exciting when you first got that job? You were like, this is what I've wanted to do.

[Dave]

It was. I was thrilled.

[Carol]

Yeah.

[Morgan Human]

And then you go on to.

[Dave]

I went to journalism school at the University of Georgia. And I love that. And worked on the Red and Black and. And I've done some work at the University of Tennessee, worked on the Beacon.

[Morgan Human]

Did you always plan that education was going to be in that path?

[Dave]

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

[Morgan Human]

So in the course of this, also being an author, did you ever get married?

[Dave]

I did get married. And pardon me for saying this, but I'm very happily divorced.

[Morgan Human]

Happily divorced. Tell me about that.

[Dave]

Very happ. I met somebody at college and when you're dating somebody and then after you marry him, they could be quite different.

[Morgan Human]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dave]

And back in my day, you know, and I will be 84 on Saturday. Back in my day, if I had lived with him, my parents would have killed me, my grandparents would have died, my grandmother and my mother would have spent hours on the phone crying. You just didn't live with your boyfriend back then? My three. Pardon me for talking about this, but.

[Morgan Human]

You can talk about whatever you want.

[Dave]

My three grandchildren have lived with their significant others, their boyfriends or girlfriends. And the good news is that my grandson lived with his girlfriend and she's a wonderful woman and they're now married. And my middle granddaughter doesn't exactly live with him, but they spend a lot of time together, if you get my drift.

[Morgan Human]

Yeah.

[Dave]

And then my oldest granddaughter lived with her boyfriend and decided this not going to work. If I had lived with the person I married, I would have known not to marry in first week. I knew. But that's water under the bridge.

[Morgan Human]

So how long did you guys end up being married for?

[Dave]

I hate to tell you this, it's very embarrassing. 39 years.

[Morgan Human]

And you knew in the first week of living with him that you should not be married.

[Dave]

I did. But you know, back in those days, everything's different now. Back in those days, what happened is you try to make the best of it. You know, nice girls don't get divorced. Divorce was very rare.

[Morgan Human]

Okay, but what did he do that this is coming to your mind in that first week? Well, if you want to share.

[Dave]

Well, he just was. Acted sort of crazy.

[Morgan Human]

He was a crazy one.

[Dave]

Turns out he was bipolar.

[Morgan Human]

Oh, goodness.

[Dave]

Undiagnosed bipolar. And he wouldn't take his medication and it was just very difficult. But in the meantime, I had two children and you know, I was a woman of my time. So I thought, well, I'm going to make the best of it. If he can't manage, I will. So he did make me stronger. He did make me very successful at work because he couldn't keep a job. I did so.

[Morgan Human]

And you're raising two kids.

[Dave]

I raised two kids. And they're really, really nice people.

[Morgan Human]

What was that like for you? You're going through this and you're realizing this is not my person. But I'm. I'm making things work. I'm holding a job. I have two kids.

[Dave]

Most women in of my era did that.

[Morgan Human]

And why do you feel like that was.

[Dave]

That was just the norm back then. Divorce was something that nice women didn't do, or if they did, it was very rare.

[Morgan Human]

And then the moment finally happens where you do get divorced.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Morgan Human]

What. What happened? Why did you finally decide, this is it, I'm done?

[Dave]

You got a girlfriend while you were married? Yeah. I was so thrilled. I thought, hot dog.

[Morgan Human]

He said, this is my out. This is my card. This.

[Dave]

This is it. I wouldn't have divorced him for anything but adultery. But that. That took care of it.

[Morgan Human]

Wow. And so you signed the papers and then you're like, okay, this is a new life. Did you feel like you had just an entire life still?

[Dave]

I've never been happier in my adult life. I mean, it's really been really nice.

[Morgan Human]

Did you ever have the desire to get married again?

[Dave]

You make it the joke.

[Morgan Human]

That's. I'm gonna take that as a no. I love this for you. You're focused on your books and your writing.

[Dave]

Focus on my writing. And I've just had a wonderful time. I've traveled a lot and I have many, many friends, and I've just had such a good life. And I've been able to manage my own money and I made some. And I've been able to pick out my own clothes and pick out my own furniture and I didn't have to ask anybody. And I just love that.

[Morgan Human]

If you could go back and do it again, would you not get married?

[Dave]

I would probably get married, but I think I'd wait a while and maybe kind of test the waters a little.

[Morgan Human]

Bit before getting married.

[Dave]

That's exactly right.

[Morgan Human]

But it did bring you your kids. So is that where the. A lot of the strength comes from?

[Dave]

I have wonderful kids. I really do. My son has a marketing and public relations business in Atlanta, and he also does stand up comedy. And. And he's just started out intending just to do stand up comedy. 1. One gig in a month. And now he's getting something, like, almost all the time. And he goes to the different comedy clubs in and around Atlanta.

[Morgan Human]

Do you think he's funny?

[Dave]

He's hilarious. Well, for one thing, he had a crazy father and he had A mother. I won't describe myself. And. And he had my parents who were hilarious, and he had grandparents on the other side who were hilarious. So he tells wonderful stories. I mean, he's got plenty of material, and so do I.

[Morgan Human]

Which is why you wrote a book.

[Dave]

Yes.

[Morgan Human]

So when you're talking in this book, are you talking about this kind of new lease on life and things that changed over the course of time for you?

[Dave]

Well, this book has a variety of stories in it. I've got a couple of Vietnam stories in it. Okay, tell me about that from that era.

[Morgan Human]

Vietnam War era.

[Dave]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Morgan Human]

What was that like?

[Dave]

It was scary. You know, it really was, because there are people here in this country opposed to it, and then there are people. People's sons dying over there. And. And I was just thinking, I'm so glad my son is young, or he would have been drafted. I mean, they were drafting everybody. So I wrote a story about a young couple. My story. There's a story called Blue Bronco in here. And one of the things I like about this story is a person who is a writer read the story. He was fake. He's read my whole book, and he was very complimentary about it. And he's a writer at Suwannee, and. And he read that book. He read the story, the Blue Bronco, and he said, I'd like to know more about those characters. What they are is young people in high school and in Sneadville, Tennessee, and they're. They're seniors in high school. The girl really, really wants to get married just as soon as they graduate. Well, the war was raging, and the young man knew that if he didn't join the army or some branch of the service, he was going to get drafted. And she said, oh, no, you won't get drafted. And he said, well, I'm afraid I will. I think I better join up, because I think I'd have a better chance of not getting sent to Vietnam. And so this story goes back and forth with her putting the pressure on him and him saying, oh, I don't know. I don't know. I love you, but I don't know. And then at the. At the end, when they graduate from high school, I think he deliberately has a breakup with her. And then he says, pardon me for giving away the end of the story. The day after he graduates from high school, he cleans the mud off his Blue Bronco and drives to Knoxville and joins the Army. And he says, the last word of the story is, war is hell, but getting married is Worse.

[Morgan Human]

So I feel like there was some inspiration there.

[Dave]

Something there.

[Morgan Human]

Yeah, something a little bit. I. I love that you wrote about this, and you share so much of your story. When you do look at your life and we talk a little bit about regrets, what's like, your favorite moment from your story? Because we did talk about your marriage, but I know there was a lot of highlights for you.

[Dave]

Well, my brother and I are 18 months apart, and there's quite a few stories in here about things that my brother and I did when we were young because we were like twins. And so the first story, Sweet Adversity, is a story about me and my brother. And it's thinly disguised as fiction, but it's really a true story with some fictional touches.

[Morgan Human]

Is it related to a big adventure you guys had?

[Dave]

Oh, it is. Yes. Okay. My mother was a great giver of Tony home permanence. And that's something you probably have never heard of.

[Morgan Human]

I haven't.

[Dave]

They were very much the fad. In the early 50s, everybody wanted a Tony home permanent. My mother was the queen of giving Tony home permanence. And they had little plastic rollers, and the solution smelled horrible. It was just terrible.

[Morgan Human]

What is a Tony home?

[Dave]

It's permanent.

[Morgan Human]

Well, you know, like a marker.

[Dave]

No, no, no. It's like beauty shops used to give permanence.

[Morgan Human]

Oh, perms.

[Dave]

Yeah. Yes, a perm.

[Morgan Human]

Okay.

[Dave]

Pardon me for not using.

[Morgan Human]

No, it's okay now. It's okay now.

[Dave]

I know, but you'd buy the pony home permanent at the. At the drugstore, and everybody in the neighborhood wanted one. Well, my mother gave all the Tony home permanence, and she had to get me and my brother out of the house when this was going on because she had to follow a schedule about when to neutralize it and all this kind of stuff. So she was given a perm to my cousin, my older cousin. So she told us to go outside, and she told us not to go across the street and play with the children across the street because they were not our kind of people.

[Morgan Human]

Did you go play with the kids across the street?

[Dave]

Of course we did. I mean, that's like saying. I mean, tell. Tell me not to do something. That's what I'm going to do, particularly when I was young.

[Morgan Human]

It sounds like a lot of your personality throughout your life.

[Dave]

Yeah. So we went across the street and we played with those kids, and a couple of things happened. And their mother got mad and she came over and she and my mother got into a little. A little spat about their mother Accused us of misbehavior. My mother accused them of misbehavior.

[Morgan Human]

And so you were a wild child.

[Dave]

Well, not. Well, wild in terms of the era. What young people do now, I wouldn't even have thought of.

[Morgan Human]

Oh, that's fair. Things were a little bit different. But you're a wild child for your time.

[Dave]

That's exactly right.

[Morgan Human]

I see.

[Dave]

And my brother was. Was very compliant, very quiet, and I could get him to do whatever I wanted him to do.

[Morgan Human]

Are you a troublemaker now? Are you ever. You. You looked at some people in the room, which made me think that you definitely are.

[Dave]

Well, no.

[Morgan Human]

I want to know. This is something that I asked towards the end of this. When you look at your life and all the things that have happened in it, what's a piece of advice or motivation or inspiration that you'd want other people to hear from you?

[Dave]

Well, one thing. The first bit of advice I would give, like, this book means a lot to me, and I'm writing another one. And I think older people. Just because you get old doesn't mean you can't do something you've always wanted to do. If you want to travel somewhere, get a ticket. If you want to knit a bedspread or whatever, do it. Whatever you want to do, it's possible to do it. You might have to temper it a little bit based on your age and infirmity, but you don't have to sit and moan and say, oh, I'm getting old. You can. You can do. There's something you can do that's a really good reminder. And those who live at Ape's Garden can do any number of things. I mean, there's a chorus, there's trips, there's outings, there's card games, there's bingo. There's everything. There's. There's no excuse for not doing anything.

[Morgan Human]

What's something that you wish that you knew about getting older?

[Dave]

Well, I've been very surprised at some of the physical things that happen. And I blessedly still have my mind, and that may go tomorrow, and I realize that. But your hair gets thinner, your skin gets thinner, you put on weight and places that you don't want weight. There just thinks that happened. I mean, I have age spots on my hand, just like my grandmother did. And you wear hearing aids, wear glasses. You just can't win. But it's all worth it to. To grow older and to be happy.

[Morgan Human]

That's a really good part of that.

[Dave]

And let me give my commercial about Abe's garden, too.

[Morgan Human]

Okay? Bring it to me. Sandra.

[Dave]

I am very, very happy here. And one reason I'm happy here is because it was my decision to come. I have neuropathy in both of my legs, my lower legs and feet. I don't walk very well. And so I was a fall arrest. And a couple of times I lived in a condo down the street here, and a couple of times I fell and I thought, you know, I don't need to be here by myself in this two bedroom, two bathroom condo. I need to go somewhere where I'm safe. And I visited different places around town and I walked in the door here and it felt happy. This is a happy place. Nobody said anything right away, but it just felt good. And it is good. It's very happy.

[Morgan Human]

Did you have a misconception of senior living facilities before that?

[Dave]

Well, other people do. I have so many friends who say, oh, I want to stay in my own home. And my thoughts and what I usually say, well, isn't it rather lonely? You're in your own home by yourself. Isn't it lonely? Or you're in your house with a husband and you're kind of tired of each other. It's just really nice to live in community.

[Morgan Human]

I have to ask you this because you've been so honest and so kind.

[Dave]

Oh.

[Morgan Human]

If people are thinking of getting married, would you tell them to still get married despite things that you went through? Are you, like, maybe second guess that?

[Dave]

I would advise people to check out the product as best they can, get to know the person as best they can, get to know their family, get to know some history. Take your time.

[Morgan Human]

That's a really good reminder, I think, for a lot of people. So thank you so much, Sandra, for sharing so much and being so open with your whole story and just thank you for being here.

[Dave]

Well, I shudder to think what my daughter and son will say when they see this.

[Morgan Human]

I think they're gonna love it.

[Dave]

You think so?

[Morgan Human]

I do. You're awesome. You have so much good spirit in you.

[Dave]

Well, thank you. This has been fun.

[Larry]

So what happened at Chappaquiddick? Well, it really depends on who you talk to.

[Rick Jervis]

There are many versions of what happened in 1969 when a young Ted Kennedy drove a car into a pond and.

[Morgan Human]

Left a woman behind to drown.

[Larry]

There's a famous headline, I think, in the New York Daily News. It's teddy Escapes Blonde Drowns. And in a strange way, Right, that sort of tells you the story really became about ted's political future, Ted's political hopes. Will TED become president?

[Rick Jervis]

Chappaquiddick is a story of a tragic death and how the Kennedy machine took control.

[Morgan Human]

And he's not the only Kennedy to survive a scandal.

[Rick Jervis]

The Kennedys have lived through disgrace, affairs, violence, you name it. So is there a curse? Every week we go behind the headlines and beyond the drama of America's royal family.

[Morgan Human]

Listen to United States of Kennedy on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Ebony]

Welcome to Pretty Private with ebony, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm ebony, and every Tuesday, I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and and give you new insight on the people around you. On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all. Childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more. And found the strength to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant. But he wasn't shot on a street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot in his house, unarmed. Pretty Private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast network. Tune in on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Sandra]

The summer of 1993 was one of the best of my life. I'm journalist Jeff Perlman and this is Rick Jervis.

[Reggie Payne]

We were interns at the Nashville Tennesse Inn. But the most unforgettable part, our roommate, Reggie Payne from Oakland, sports editor and.

[Sandra]

Aspiring rapper and his stage name, Sexy Sweat. In 2020, I had a simple idea. Let's find Reggie.

[Reggie Payne]

We searched everywhere, but Reggie was gone. In February 2020, Reggie was having a diabetic episode. His mom called 911. Police cuffed him face down. He slipped into a coma and died.

[Carol]

I'm like thanking you, but then I see my son's not moving.

[Sandra]

No headlines, no outrage, just silence.

[Reggie Payne]

So we started digging and uncovered city officials bent on protecting their own.

[Sandra]

Listen to finding Sexy Sweat on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Morgan Human]

Dave is joining me. Dave, how are you? How you feeling?

[Rick]

Just fine. Out for a walk in the courtyard earlier today, and it was very pleasant out there.

[Morgan Human]

I love your outfit, too. Can you tell me a little bit about this hat, this shirt, what we got going on?

[Rick]

It's just one of These things that I put on for Veterans Day, holiday and Memorial Day and things like that to remind me of my 24 year career in the Navy.

[Morgan Human]

24 years in the Navy. Is that always what you wanted to do?

[Rick]

It was one of the things that I had an early introduction. My dad was in the Navy as an enlisted sailor right at the end of World War I. I was fortunate to have a Navy ROTC scholarship at the University of Michigan, which got me through college with minimal expense on my part and my family's part. And I went into the Navy for six years of active duty and stayed. Loved it.

[Morgan Human]

And Dave, tell everybody how old you are.

[Rick]

88.

[Morgan Human]

Look at you, Mr. 88. You were cracking a joke. What's your nickname?

[Rick]

Bionic Man.

[Morgan Human]

Why is that?

[Rick]

Because I've got scars on my knees for two knee replacements, scars on my hips for two hip replacements, and a bovine. A bovine, not a porcine heart valve.

[Morgan Human]

Is this from all your time in the Navy? Are you just. You're going so hard serving your country?

[Rick]

I can't chalk it up to that. No, it's just life.

[Morgan Human]

Okay. And why'd you decide to stay in the Navy? You served for six years and then you decided to stay. Why?

[Rick]

The Navy continued to send me to neat places in the world, jobs of greater responsibility. And I felt like I was serving my country.

[Morgan Human]

And you served in the Vietnam War. Is that why you have that hat?

[Rick]

That's why I have that hat.

[Morgan Human]

What was the Vietnam War like? I wasn't born until 1993, so I have zero experience, knowledge of anything besides what they taught us in history class. So what was that like, living through that and serving?

[Rick]

I was one of the fortunate ones. I didn't live in Vietnam on a long term basis. I was assigned to a Navy patrol squadron based in Hawaii. We were temporarily deployed to Okinawa in the Pacific for six months. And we rotated crews of flight crews, reconnaissance flight crews into Cameron Bay in Vietnam, flying patrols in the Tonkin Gulf. So we would go in there for a couple weeks at a time and then we'd be replaced by another crew. And our function was to report to South Vietnam authorities the attempted intrusion by North Vietnam by boat into the south so that they could intercept and stop them from landing in South Vietnam. And that was our mission. Plus we were protecting any of our aircraft carriers that were working in the Tonkin Gulf at that time.

[Morgan Human]

Did you witness things there that were just stuff that you wish you never had seen?

[Rick]

I did not personally know we were. Our operation did not involve going out in direct contact with the enemy. The closest we came was we were raised out of the barracks. One night, the North Vietnamese were trying to come through the fence and they put us into a underground bunker, sandbag bunker, until the area could be cleared. So I was, like I say I was very fortunate that we were not in the direct line of fire like many of our troops were on the ground.

[Morgan Human]

Did you have a lot of friends that also served at the time?

[Rick]

Quite a few, yes. I lost several in the fighting in Vietnam and that was tragic. I cannot, I don't know whether you've ever had a chance to visit the Vietnam Wall exhibit in Washington, D.C. the Black Wall, where they have all 58,000 names of people who lost their lives, Americans who lost their lives in that war. But you can't help see that but be very emotionally moved by how many good people were lost.

[Morgan Human]

And for you, as a human, outside of being in the Navy, what was it like living in a world at that time where that was all going on?

[Rick]

It was part of your daily routine, basically. It's sad to say, but it was a day by day job. You got up not knowing what to expect. You knew you're going to fly a patrol to do certain things, and you knew hopefully that the landing strip would be there when you got back.

[Morgan Human]

And you were married, did you get married before you started serving?

[Rick]

No, I got married after I'd been in the Navy for about five years.

[Morgan Human]

Okay, how did you guys meet?

[Rick]

Oh, I don't know whether we have enough time in the interview for that.

[Morgan Human]

Oh, bring it. I'm ready for it.

[Rick]

An early squadron mate of mine was stationed with the Air America Group, CIA group in Cambodia at the time. And he was bringing a gift jacket, red knit jacket, back from Hong Kong for a buddy of his who was my wife Judy's roommate living in Vallejo, California at the time. So I provided transportation to get the coat up there. And we appeared on the doorstep unannounced with this coat draped over her arm and we met. This was in November of 1963. I proposed in February of 64. We were married in August of 64, and we'd been married for 60, almost 61 years.

[Morgan Human]

So when you arrived on the porch, were you like, I'm in love with this woman?

[Rick]

No. But after we had a couple of dates. We had our first date dinner in San Francisco. Our second date was on a Veterans Day weekend in Vallejo. We went to the Napa Valley and drank wine all afternoon.

[Morgan Human]

Did you get a little wild? Is this where she saw your wild side.

[Rick]

So this is. It's been a quite a story.

[Morgan Human]

How did you ask her when you're on that doorstep? What sequence of events? There's a stranger standing on her doorstep. How did you ask her out on a date? What happened?

[Rick]

She didn't even notice the fact that we were naval officers. She just hollered to her roommate, she said, ellen, your redneck coat is here.

[Morgan Human]

And that was it.

[Rick]

So that was it. And the rest is history. Anyway, we have a son and a daughter grown living here in Nashville. So we're very fortunate in that regard.

[Morgan Human]

And what's the secret to 60 years together? What did you guys do that made that so awesome and work for that long?

[Rick]

If I knew, I would bottle it.

[Morgan Human]

Yeah.

[Rick]

And make a fortune.

[Morgan Human]

You did something right.

[Rick]

Met the right people. I guess. We traveled a lot. We spent some time apart, which may have helped.

[Morgan Human]

Was that hard on you guys because you were still serving? Was that hard for your guys's relationship?

[Rick]

I was very fortunate because the longest we were ever separated for a straight period of time was probably four to five months. Nothing like these. Some of these sailors, they go out for a six month deployment, they get it extended for nine months and they've lost a year of their lives with their families. I've been blessed.

[Morgan Human]

And when you first started dating her and you were going on all these first date, what were the qualities that you saw in her? And you were just like, yeah, this is going to be my bride.

[Rick]

She was a midwestern girl, farm raised in Iowa. I grew up in the big city of Detroit. She was down to earth. Great sense of humor, beautiful blue eyes. One of those things. It just happened.

[Morgan Human]

What'd you guys spend a lot of time doing together in those 60 years? You had said you guys traveled a lot. What were your guys's hobbies? What were the things you guys enjoyed together?

[Rick]

We played golf together. We played tennis. Not together, but both played tennis. We both enjoyed riding our bicycles, enjoyed going to movies. We enjoyed a lot of the same foods. She was a good cook. I'm a good eater.

[Morgan Human]

What was your favorite dish that she made for you?

[Rick]

Oh, it was probably corn on the cob, Iowa style.

[Morgan Human]

Is there an Iowa style that. I'm from Kansas and we had great corn on the cob.

[Rick]

I'm sure you did.

[Morgan Human]

What is the Iowa style that I'm unfamiliar with?

[Rick]

It was cooked by a beautiful lady from Iowa.

[Morgan Human]

I see. This is like the engagement chicken. I don't know if you've heard of this, but apparently there's this engagement chicken that if you would like your man to propose to you, the woman makes this engagement chicken. And it's supposed to make the process happen quicker. So it was the Iowa style corn on the cobbler. Your ticket.

[Rick]

I didn't think about it at the time, but maybe it was.

[Morgan Human]

That's the reason. How long were you guys together before you had proposed?

[Rick]

Let's see, we. She was living in Vallejo with her friend from Iowa who was a teacher at that time. And I was living in Mountain View, stationed at Moffett Field in California, near San Francisco. And like I say, we met in November, I proposed in February, we got married in the Mare Island Naval Shipyard Chapel in August of 1964.

[Morgan Human]

So all within one year, your life changed. Is that crazy to to think about?

[Rick]

I've been very blessed in that way. Everything just fell in place, not just from that marriage, but from my life in general.

[Morgan Human]

Were you guys communicating via letters when you were stationed apart from each other?

[Rick]

We sent periodic magnetic tape recordings back and forth so I could talk to the kids when on magnetic tape? When I was aboard ship and on deployments.

[Morgan Human]

Do you still have those today?

[Rick]

I still have a lot of them, as a matter of fact. A lot of that is stuff that's in our apartment awaiting to be re read and cleansed.

[Morgan Human]

Saving for the kids to see one day. Right. I When you look back on your life and you did the Navy and you got married and all of this sounds so beautiful. Was there any regrets that you had over the course of time?

[Rick]

When you look back, no regrets at all. No regrets at all. I think life is what you make it. Don't think you're guaranteed anything, not even life itself. Just go for it as it's there.

[Morgan Human]

Live very in the present moment.

[Rick]

Que sera, sera.

[Morgan Human]

Is this a Navy term?

[Rick]

No, that's four years of Spanish I took in high school.

[Morgan Human]

What does it mean?

[Rick]

Whatever it will be, will be.

[Morgan Human]

I like it. This is a good life motto is that we lived your life by those very small years of Spanish Boy Scouts.

[Rick]

Be prepared. You have to be.

[Morgan Human]

Were you also a Boy Scout?

[Rick]

Very briefly.

[Morgan Human]

Okay. You do seem like you got the Boy Scout mentality in there.

[Rick]

I was a Boy Scout for through the Tenderfoot rating. And then in Detroit, I had to go out in the wintertime. We were on a camping trip overnight and we had to go out in a snowfall and find dry enough wood that we could build a fire to cook a steak. And that steak was terrible. It was cold. I gave up scouting and went to Softball instead.

[Morgan Human]

Fair change. I understand. When you're looking at your life and.

[Rick]

Those stories, first things first.

[Morgan Human]

What's one of your favorite moments? What is your favorite memory that you wish you could live over and over again?

[Rick]

There are so many. I feel very blessed that having so many. Some things that still cre. Create great emotion for me is being in the presence of the United States Marine Corps Band when they play our national anthem.

[Morgan Human]

I bet that sounds really cool.

[Rick]

Something that's here and it always will be.

[Morgan Human]

Does it remind you of the time you were serving? What's that emotion?

[Rick]

A very blessed life. You can't look around the world today and see what's going on and not feel very blessed. Even in the midst of a fire drill backlog on interviewees.

[Morgan Human]

You. You are so funny, Mr. Dave.

[Rick]

No, but you look at the what's the people Gaza and Ukraine are going through right now. They have nothing. Everything they've lived and worked for in cases died for is laying out there is rubble in the streets.

[Morgan Human]

Watching things and just events as they've happened. With everything that you've experienced and all that you've done, what's your takeaway as you look at the world today?

[Rick]

Is there we need to do better. Mankind, not just us, Mankind needs to do better. How about looking out for mankind, people.

[Morgan Human]

Looking out for people a little bit better.

[Rick]

Exactly. Exactly. This is one of the. One of the things that. That I appreciate about being here at AES is the fact that I'm ancient along with all the other residents here.

[Morgan Human]

You're not ancient.

[Rick]

But I'm so blessed in terms of physical and mental health that I have that I can be of assistance to many of those here who don't have all of it. If I can do. That's a plus. Judy got a very nice certificate signed by the Secretary of the Navy, thanking her for her service as a Navy spouse.

[Morgan Human]

What did you feel like when she got that?

[Rick]

I was very greatly rewarded because the spouse very often got left at that time, mostly male, but now male or female is ordered to go someplace else for duty. They get left with cleaning up the house, getting the kids packed and making the move. And they don't get thanked for that very often. I think that it's important that somebody at the higher echelons there understand what they have to go through every time we made a move.

[Morgan Human]

You saying this, Dave, makes me want to ask you. There's so many guys out there and a lot of people who are trying to date learning what it means to be a partner. What Advice would you give guys that you feel like they might be missing to have a marriage and a success that you've had?

[Rick]

The biggest thing, I would say would be to recognize that when you make that proposal, recognize the fact that you are asking her to participate in a life of the two of you together. I have a nephew, for example, who was married many years ago. He was married for six months. And what it evolved was the fact that they got married for marriage sake, but neither one of them gave up their single relationships. He did his things with his buds. She continued to do her things with her buds and they didn't form any relationships involving the both of them. And I don't think you can do it that way. You gotta. It's all. It's an all or nothing thing. Not to say you can't maintain those relationships, but not that let them take priority over the relationships you build between the two of you.

[Morgan Human]

See, you have so much wisdom to share. Lived a lot of life.

[Rick]

Don't let the gray hairs surprise you.

[Morgan Human]

They're not surprising me at all. I would like you to share one more piece of advice, if you will. Maybe it's to people out there who are your age, maybe younger. Just anything that you think is important to share that you've learned over the course of your life.

[Rick]

Enjoy it for as long as you have it. Use it or lose it. Philosophy about exercise.

[Morgan Human]

Kind of like the knees.

[Rick]

Yeah. Go out and walk every day. Go out and ride the bike in the gym down there. Do something to keep active, as active as you can, and eventually it's going to catch up. The old body just doesn't hold up the way it used to.

[Morgan Human]

Something about you, though, tells me that you're still living just like you used to.

[Rick]

I don't play golf anymore or tennis because I'm afraid that if I swing a club too hard, I'm gonna fall down on the tee box. And that's kind of embarrassing.

[Morgan Human]

So I don't feel like anything would be embarrassing for you. I think you'd make a really good joke out of it.

[Rick]

Try.

[Morgan Human]

Were you a prankster in your family, Would you prank with the kids and.

[Ebony]

No.

[Rick]

I was a very straight laced guy as I recall. But then my memory has deteriorated too.

[Morgan Human]

So now you just make jokes all the time. Oh, Dave, thank you for being here with me, sharing your story and thank.

[Rick]

You for being so kind.

[Morgan Human]

You're always welcome.

[Larry]

So what happened at Chappaquiddick? Well, it really depends on who you talk to.

[Rick Jervis]

There are many versions of what happened in 1969, when a young Ted Kennedy drove a car into a pond and.

[Morgan Human]

Left a woman behind to drown.

[Larry]

There's a famous headline, I think in the New York Daily News. It's Teddy escapes, Blonde drowns. And in a strange way, right, that sort of tells you the story really became about Ted's political future, Ted's political hopes. Will Ted become president?

[Rick Jervis]

Kappaquiddick is a story of a tragic death and how the Kennedy machine took control.

[Ebony]

And he's not one.

[Morgan Human]

The only, only Kennedy to survive a scandal.

[Rick Jervis]

The Kennedys have lived through disgrace, affairs, violence, you name it. So is there a curse? Every week, we go behind the headlines and beyond the drama of America's royal family.

[Morgan Human]

Listen to United States of Kennedy on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Ebony]

Welcome to Pretty Private with ebony, the podcast where silence is broken and so stories are set free. I'm Ebony, and every Tuesday, I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all. Childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more. And found the strength of to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant. But he wasn't shot on a street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot in his house, unarmed. Pretty Private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect podcast network. Tune in on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Sandra]

The summer of 1993 was one of the best of my life. I'm journalist Jeff Perlman, and this is Rick Jervis.

[Reggie Payne]

We were interns at the Nashville Tennesse Inn. But the most unforgettable part, our roommate, Reggie Payne from Oakland, sports editor and.

[Sandra]

Aspiring rapper and his stage name, Sexy Sweat. In 2020, I had a simple idea. Let's find Reggie.

[Reggie Payne]

We searched everywhere, but Reggie was gone. In February 2020, Reggie was having a diabetic episode. His mom called 911. Police cuffed him face down. He slipped into a coma and died.

[Carol]

I'm like thanking you, but then I see my son's not moving.

[Sandra]

No headlines, no outrage, just silence.

[Reggie Payne]

So we started digging and uncovered city officials bent on police protecting their own.

[Sandra]

Listen to finding sexy Sweat on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Morgan Human]

Carol joins me right now. Hi, Carol. Thank you for being here.

[Carol]

Oh, thank you for asking me.

[Morgan Human]

I'm excited to hear your story. Can you share with everyone how old you are?

[Carol]

85.

[Morgan Human]

85. A very young 85. You look wonderful.

[Carol]

Thank you.

[Morgan Human]

You feel wonderful.

[Carol]

I do, I. Not every day, but most of the.

[Morgan Human]

Time we'll take that. That's better than most. Right? And what did you spend a lot of your life doing, Carol, occupation wise?

[Carol]

Oh, well, I was mostly a mother of five children and a wife to my husband, and we moved to Florida in 1978 because my husband had heart problems. So we went. So we had the warm weather and we ended up living there 40 years.

[Morgan Human]

How long were you and your husband married for?

[Carol]

If he was alive today, it would have been 66 years, but it was 56 years when he died that we'd been together.

[Morgan Human]

Were you high school sweethearts or how.

[Carol]

Did you guys meet? No, I met him in college.

[Morgan Human]

Was it a fun love at first sight you knew?

[Carol]

No, because I was coming. I was on the stairs and I was coming in the door to the classroom and he was coming the other way and it knocked me down.

[Morgan Human]

He knocked you down? And you still said, you know, I'll take him.

[Carol]

Yes, exactly.

[Morgan Human]

Was that the first moment and you guys started dating after that?

[Carol]

Yeah, because I didn't know him before then. He was a year ahead of me and I didn't really know him. I might have seen him in the halls or something.

[Morgan Human]

What were you studying in college?

[Carol]

Teach. To be a teacher.

[Morgan Human]

So did you end up doing any teaching or.

[Carol]

I had children instead.

[Morgan Human]

Okay. And became a stay at home mom.

[Carol]

Right. Taught my children, I hope.

[Morgan Human]

Yeah. Were they homeschooled or they went to school?

[Carol]

No, they are. But I hope that we set a good example for them and made rules that, you know, they abided by.

[Morgan Human]

It's a lot of kiddos. Was that always the plan?

[Carol]

No, my mother had nine and I knew that I didn't want nine, and I didn't even really think about five. I really. Four was the idea because I had two boys and two girls, and I thought, well, that's the perfect family. And. But then when we moved to Florida, probably because maybe a little homesick or whatever, I got pregnant with the fifth one.

[Morgan Human]

Is there a big age gap between the four and that one?

[Carol]

Well, yeah, there's a. See Mary Beth, who works here, she was 8 years old when Jennifer was born okay like an 8 years but I had a 16 year old daughter and she, it was almost like it was her child.

[Morgan Human]

Really?

[Carol]

Yeah. We go out and like to the pool or whatever because she always was with her and looking after her and they all thought I was the grandmother and she was the mother.

[Morgan Human]

You're like, no, that is my child.

[Carol]

Yeah. I mean if you want to take over and.

[Morgan Human]

And now do your kids all have grandkids for you?

[Carol]

Yes, I have 11 grandchildren and I have two great grandchildren and one on the way.

[Morgan Human]

Wow.

[Carol]

Yeah.

[Morgan Human]

What's that been like for you to get to see the different generations now?

[Carol]

It's good. I really enjoy the great grandchildren especially they're small now, they're five and three. But it's so much nicer. They're not yours and you don't have to. Well you do worry but you don't have that responsibility so you sort of enjoy them more.

[Morgan Human]

Yeah, you'd have a little bit more fun. They're not technically yours to worry about.

[Carol]

Yeah, exactly.

[Morgan Human]

Do you like the title more now of grandma or mom? Which one feels more meaningful to you? Because I know they both are.

[Carol]

Yeah, I guess mom still means the most. You know, some of my children call me mom and some call me mother.

[Morgan Human]

Mother?

[Carol]

Yeah.

[Morgan Human]

Is that when you're. You're doing something bad and they're mother.

[Carol]

That's my daughter Mary Beth, the one that works there, she calls me mother.

[Morgan Human]

It might just be a younger thing. I know sometimes we call people mother. That's a very young term to use. Yeah. What was that like for you being a stay at home mom? Is that something that you're so happy you did or did you have any regrets?

[Carol]

Enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. I did go work when my last one, Jennifer, when she was 2. My neighbor next door was watching kids like a little in house nursery and I went to work part time for Macy's in their cash return office. And then I from there I went to banking and then from there I went to a health center where I did data entry for people that made got falls, fell and fail like the residents when they fall. You had to write this whole, you know, paper and I put it in the computer.

[Morgan Human]

Do you feel like you had kind of a second life when you started working again?

[Carol]

Yeah, I did, I did.

[Morgan Human]

Was that always the plan or did it just kind of fall?

[Carol]

In my whole life nothing was planned. My husband had heart trouble. He was at 28, he had his first heart attack and we didn't realize what was happening until they found you know, they told us he had a heart attack. He had to stay in bed. Back then, they didn't have as much knowledge as they have now that he have to stay in bed for six weeks. And so then four years later, he had a bypass surgery where they took care of the bad artery. And then 20 years later, he had open heart surgery. So he got someone's heart, and then from there he lived 20 years.

[Morgan Human]

Those are not things you're anticipating as.

[Carol]

You find someone, but we got through it. Yeah.

[Morgan Human]

Were those hard? Especially that first one. He was so young.

[Carol]

Yeah, it was hard because, for one thing, we weren't living at home. We were living in Kentucky at the time because he had been in the service. And when he got out of the service, we had made so many good friends, we just decided to stay. And so there wasn't anybody really around to help. You know, I had my oldest daughter and my oldest son were babies then. So. Yeah, it wasn't easy then, but we made it.

[Morgan Human]

And you were also a military spouse.

[Carol]

Yeah.

[Morgan Human]

What was that?

[Carol]

He was just a lab tech at Fort Knox. And he never was sent anywhere that was dangerous or anything. He just worked on animals and all that stuff.

[Morgan Human]

Well, I'm happy you didn't have to experience that, too. And then. And then.

[Carol]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm happy, too. Yeah.

[Morgan Human]

And when you lost him, what was that experience like for you? Because after being together for so many years, that's all you know.

[Carol]

Yeah, that's true.

[Morgan Human]

What was that like when he passed?

[Carol]

Oh, when he passed, Life. Well, my friend passed. My husband passed. I still have the regret that I. He's not around where I can confide in him, you know, tell him things that I'm excited about. When I was in Franklin, I did eucharistic minister, and I took communion to people in the hospital, and I took it to this one lady, and she was somebody we had known when we were in college, and I just couldn't. And in my mind, I couldn't wait to get home to tell Larry. And he wasn't there. I mean, he wasn't there anymore. And that hurt. So I regret that he's gone for that, but I know he's in a better place.

[Morgan Human]

And his name was Larry. Yeah, Larry. What was your favorite memory that you had with Larry?

[Carol]

With Larry? Well, we went fishing in a secluded pond on this farm friend of his. And I was pregnant with my first child. So I was out to here, and she. I got chiggers all over my stomach.

[Dave]

Oh.

[Carol]

I mean, it was ugly. Looking all over and always blame him for that.

[Morgan Human]

I would too.

[Carol]

He's the one that took me.

[Morgan Human]

Yeah. That's his fault.

[Carol]

Yeah.

[Morgan Human]

Did he take the blame for that?

[Carol]

Yeah, he did. There's a lot of moments with him too. Like when he came out of the surgery, you know, getting the new heart and seeing him there, and he was hooked up to so many machines, you know, so the heart would not reject him. And those were really happy moments. Yeah, we had a lot of good moments.

[Morgan Human]

What was your favorite quality about Larry that really made it like this is going to be my husband.

[Carol]

Okay. He was very gentle, very gentle, soft spoken, very gentle. I'm not that way. I mean, I can be gentle, but I'm not soft spoken. And it would be his. His honesty and patience. Yeah.

[Morgan Human]

And those are really important quality traits. When your kids were looking for partners.

[Carol]

Yes.

[Morgan Human]

Were you like, they have to be like Larry. Larry's a great example.

[Carol]

I. I hoped, but I didn't put any preference for them.

[Morgan Human]

If you just look back on your life that you didn't do, or maybe you did do and you wish you didn't.

[Carol]

I'm trying to think. I mean, it was a big void in my life. Although I still had the five kids that kept me busy. I mean, they were grown, going to school, and some were married. But it's just a void when you spend that much time with somebody and it's hard to get used to it, but it does with time.

[Morgan Human]

Do you feel like it did over time start to feel better?

[Carol]

It'll be. He's been deceased for 10 years now, so yeah, it is much easier. But I still, you know, think of him and things will come in my head just like this person I met that we both knew. I wanted to go home, tell him about it because I knew he'd be excited that she was in. In town.

[Morgan Human]

So did it help you to ever still share those stories with him? Like, do you have a photo of him and.

[Carol]

Oh, I have. Yeah, I have two photos in my apartment. I mean.

[Morgan Human]

And tell him those stories. Does that help?

[Carol]

You know, I did tell him the one about her, seeing her in the hospital and how I wish he had been there.

[Morgan Human]

What's. Things that you do now activity wise or maybe other things that help you remember that life you guys had together bring you joy?

[Carol]

Well, I really don't do a lot of things that I used to do when we were. When he was alive. We played golf every Sunday with this other couple. And he taught me to play golf even then when I wasn't reacting very well to his teaching, coming lessons from somebody else. But he was a good golfer, so we'd play golf every Sunday. And, you know, I don't do that anymore. I didn't even do that when I was. Before I, you know, fell and all that good stuff. But, yeah, there's a lot of things, like getting together with the kids for dinner or going out, you know, you miss him.

[Morgan Human]

What about you? When you. You look back at your happiest moments of your life and you're thinking of happy times, what was that one moment that kind of takes you back?

[Carol]

I think the happiest moment would be when he was told that a heart was available for him because we had come back from Indiana on vacation, and he had an appointment at Gainesville, at the hospital there for a checkup. And when they checked him, the muscle in his heart was just rotting away because of all the problems he had. His muscle wasn't good anymore, and they put him in the hospital right away. He didn't even go home with me. I went home by myself. And four weeks later, they had a heart for him.

[Morgan Human]

You had so many different experiences of your life, and I feel like so much knowledge to share from a lot of these.

[Carol]

Yeah.

[Morgan Human]

If you could give anybody, whether they're your age or younger or at any point in their life, a piece of advice or motivation or inspiration, what do you think you would share?

[Carol]

Oh, God, there's so much you can.

[Morgan Human]

Share, as much as you want to.

[Carol]

I do know that I never thought that I'd be spending my golden years by myself and not with my husband. You know, even though he had heart problems, I knew that he'd probably leave this earth before I did, but I just never, never thought of it that way. And so I think people, they need to think more about when they get old and be prepared physically, mentally, and financially, because when you're alone like that, you have no one you can depend on, so you got to start preparing ahead of time. Yeah.

[Morgan Human]

It's a really good piece of advice, and I just. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

[Carol]

Oh, you're welcome.

[Morgan Human]

And parts of your life with us.

[Carol]

Okay.

[Morgan Human]

Thank you.

[Carol]

I'm glad to do it. I love talking about him.

[Morgan Human]

I. I love hearing you talk about him. It was so lovely. Thank you for being here.

[Carol]

Oh, thank you.

[Morgan Human]

If you love this week as much as I did, get ready for next week because we have even more residents from Abe's Garden joining to share their stories. Larry, Brenda, Ward, and Shirley all will be on next week. With more stories from their lives and experiences. So get subscribed so you don't miss a single thing. And follow the Instagram page at Take this personally so you can see photos and videos of all of the residents this week and next and of course all the other posts and everything that's all up there. It's a huge support when you guys go and follow those. So thank you and thank you for being here. As always. I love you. Have a very safe and happy fourth of July weekend. We'll talk next week.

[Sandra]

I'm Jeff Perelman.

[Reggie Payne]

And I'm Rick Jervis. We're journalists and hosts of the podcast Finding Sexy Sweat.

[Sandra]

At an internship in 1993, we roomed with Reggie Payne, aspiring reporter and rapper who went by Sexy Sweat a couple years ago.

[Reggie Payne]

We set out to find him, but.

[Sandra]

In 2020, Reggie fell into a coma after police pinned him down and he never woke up.

[Carol]

But then I see my son's not moving.

[Reggie Payne]

So we started digging and uncovered city officials bent on protecting their own.

[Sandra]

Listen to Finding Sexy Sweat on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Jeff Perelman]

I know a lot of cops. They get asked all the time, have you ever had to shoot your gun? Sometimes the answer is yes. But there's a company dedicated to a future where the answer will always be no. This is Absolute Season one, Taser Incorporated Incorporated.

[Morgan Human]

I get right back there and it's bad.

[Jeff Perelman]

Listen to Absolute Season 1, Taser Incorporated on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ebony]

Welcome to Pretty Private with ebony, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebony, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. This is an iHeart podcast.