Transcript
Granger Smith (0:00)
Foreigner Smith here. Welcome back to the Granger Smith Podcast. We put out new episodes every single Monday, and we've been doing this for, I guess, since 2017. So what the format is, as I answer your questions, you email me podcastrangersmith.com we'll put it in the queue. Ant man, my producer, will get them together and I pull these up and I read these questions as if you're a friend asking me a question. Very low key, very relaxed and informal. I don't have a whole bunch of notes in front of me. I'm just going to read the question as if you're asking me in front of a campfire. And the answers will be very off the cuff. In fact, so much so that sometimes I could. I could think about it later and perhaps want to change my answer a little bit, and I don't get that opportunity. I think the podcast is better if you get the first response, the first reaction in my head today, I don't have a guess. It's just me. And the first question comes from Ryan. Once again, the email is podcastrangersmith.com one day. The plan is still to do this live somewhere as I create some kind of podcast tour. And we've been in talks with different people to come to your city and set up and maybe like a theater and have you have a microphone out in the audience and we actually answer them live. That's the. That's the plan. The first question today comes from Ryan, and it says this. Hey, Granger. I'm stuck in a job where the environment is really toxic, and it's starting to take a toll on me both mentally and emotionally. My boss is unpredictable and overly critical, making it hard to feel like I'm doing anything right. On top of that, the office politics are out of control and it feels like no one trusts each other. It's a constant game of walking on eggshells just to get through the day. I thought about quitting, but I'm scared of what that might mean for my family. I'm the primary bread winner, and while I have some savings, it's not nearly enough to carry us for very long if I don't find a new job quickly. At the same time, the stress of staying in this environment is affecting my sleep, my mood at home, and even my physical health. I'm torn between sticking it out and trying to find a better situation. The idea of jumping into the unknown is terrifying, and so is the thought of continuing like this. How do you know when it's time to walk away? From a bad situation, even if the future feels uncertain. What would you do in my position? Thanks for your advice, Ryan. Ryan, thanks for the email, brother. And I'm sorry you're in. You're in a tough situation. It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into this, and it sounds like you're thinking in all the right ways, because what I mean is you're kind of weighing the cost of what it looks like to be out of this job, to remain in this job, to be better in this job. And, you know, something you said in here where you said it's affecting my sleep. I've thought about that a lot lately, more than I have in the last four or five years. And I've been talking to Amber about this because, you know, I, I have some friends that have told me, hey, you know, the more and more we read about sleep, the more and more we. We see how important it actually is. And I think about sometimes my, My uncle, who was a Marine captain in Vietnam, and he was just an early riser, he would get up every single morning at 4am and go for a run. As he got older, it was a walk, walk the dogs. And it didn't matter what time he went to bed. He was up at four vacation weekends, it didn't matter. And sometimes he would get, you know, four hours of sleep several times in the week. And he was always like, I'm fine when I wake up. That's what we do in the Marines, you know, and we ended up losing him. And he, he suffered from pretty severe dementia. And I look back on that and I wonder, you know, the Lord is sovereign in all this, but, but I can't help but wonder if, if we could be responsible, more responsible in the area of sleep, me and my family and you listening. That's something we probably don't do enough in this world today. My friend Heath Evans told me that I need seven hours and Amber needs eight. Men need a little bit less. Women need eight kids. I mean, the kids need 10. I would say sometimes Maverick sleeps 12 hours. We put him down at 8:00pm and or 7:30pm and he gets up at 7:30am or 8:00am but I think it's so important that we take these extra precautions toward getting the appropriate amount of sleep. And so when you say that right in the middle of your email, that's one of the first things that pops out to me. It's like, yeah, if this is affecting your sleep, then that would also affect what you say next. My mood at home. And that would also affect the next thing you say, my physical health. So sleep is going to affect all these things. So if the job is hurting your sleep long term, it could actually be taken years off the end of your life. That's my point. So add that to the worry of what's going on. In this email you say that the environment is really toxic and it's starting to take a toll mentally and emotionally. Now I caution first of all saying that I believe we live in a world now that is we live in a job jumping world that our parents and our grandparents certainly and everyone before that just didn't do. Today you ask any Joe off the street that's middle aged and younger and you ask what they do and there's probably several answers. I've done this, this, this and I'm currently doing this. And my dream is to do this. And everybody before us, starting with my parents generation and everybody before that, they just pretty much worked one job. Either they had one skill and they just did that or they landed one, one kind of job and just did it for 40 years and either did it until they died or did it until they retired because they physically couldn't. But then, then they did something similar after that. And so I think it's admirable to think in that old way of just let's not be job jumpers. And here's where I think part of the problem is. I think we have kind of built this illusion in this country and worldwide. I see it worldwide, this fairytale Cinderella illusion that there's always something better. There's always like you were born for this. Same way I caution against the idea of soulmate, which is a pagan idea. I think we should caution the same way in terms of saying that there's like one job that's mysteriously out there and when you find it, your life kind of just aligns to it magically and the stars just kind of line up and you go, ah, this is, this is what I was born to do this particular thing and now everything else is happy and that's not the case. I do think that certain people certainly are, are better at other things depending on their skill set. But I just think, I just think we, there's no perfect job out there. So although we should climb ladders and, and work hard and grow businesses or grow within companies, we don't have to always be thinking about this is fine for now, but then I'm going to find something better because I know something better is out there. So there's Prudence in here, right? Like, like we're, we're, we're kind of cautioning in all these areas saying, don't be abused by your boss and just stick with it for 40 years. Don't be, don't be someone that, that, that has completely lost the American dream of you could do or be whatever you want to be. Like, let's stay within the guardrails of all this and go, I'm going to think through these things and I'm not going to job jump just because my feelings are hurt or because there's a mysterious, magical job out there that I, that I don't know of yet. Because certainly I see social media people that work it. Okay? That's my foundation. I say all that to. Then say, after all that, I say this. I think it's time for you to get out of this job. From what I've read here and what I believe you're saying, it sounds like this job's crushing you mentally, emotionally, and you are still in it because you're scared to take a step out of it. That's what all this is coming from. You're scared of the unknown, which is a normal fear. If you could say there, what's the, what's the average fear of the average person you would throw in there? The unknown. It's scary. The dark. Why are dark hallways scary? Because at the end, where the darkness is, you don't know if there's a door or not. You don't know if there's a stairway. You don't know if someone is standing in the darkness. But the reality is not the person or the stairway or the door. The reality is the unknown of any of those things. So that's what we got to deal with. You're scared of the unknown. And it doesn't have to be scary. And this is how you do it. You work hard in the job you're in right now. You be respectful to your boss, you're kind to your co workers, you do your job with excellence. You dress appropriately for the gig, you show up on time, and you stay all the way till it's time to leave. You are. You're consciously battling against bitterness, right? So these are all the things you do right now. And then when you go home, you are networking. You're looking for, you're looking through job ads, you're emailing or calling potential bosses, potential new job prospects. You're talking within your friend group that doesn't link back to your co workers, that you're now on the Market for a new job, talking to different people. Hey, I'm, I'm. I think I might be thinking about switching jobs. Here's my skill set. Hey, you're putting together a resume not too long, not too short, right to the point. And as you put these feelers out there, you're still working the other job with excellence. And so there's no fear of losing out on the income. And I think the idea of the new job and as you're working towards that, I think the excitement in that will start to supplement to kind of mitigate the fear. And the emotional mental breakdown that you're getting from the other job will kind of be swallowed up by the excitement that you're getting because you're on the market looking for something new. And this is what you can control. You can't control your boss. You can't control who hires you on the next job, but you could work with that excellence in the old job and be taking small steps day by day towards the new job. You might have to cut back on some bills. I think I said this a few podcasts ago, that you might have to give up some of the luxuries you have in your life. Like maybe that car you have that costs $700 a month. Maybe you have to trade it in at the dealership and get something that's 250, right? And then you just, you put 450 bucks in your pocket and you say, okay, this is working for me. And you do that several times and you take 400 here, 500 here, 600 here, 1,000 here, and you kind of equal out your living expenses and all that. Giving up the car, giving up the Netflix account. You know, giving up all these things is worth your. Is worth getting rid of this, the mental monster that the current job is, and taking a job that pays a little bit less and you'll be happier in the end. Next question comes from Josh. Says Grange. I'm recently divorced and one of the biggest challenges has been figuring out how to co parent our two kids in a way that's healthy and consistent. My ex and I both love our kids deeply and want what's best for them, but we approach parenting very differently. For example, I'm stricter when it comes to discipline, but my ex tends to be more lenient. This leads to situations where the kids get mixed messages, and that's okay sometimes, but it's also not. I'm worried this inconsistency might confuse them or even make them feel like they can play against each Other play us against each other. Josh says it's also starting to cause a lot of tension between me and my ex. Even though we try to keep things civil, emotions from the divorce start to creep in and small disagreements about parenting can turn into bigger arguments. I don't want my kids to pick up on this conflict or feel like they're stuck in the middle of it all. I know that co parenting is not easy for anyone, but I want to make sure that we are creating a stable, loving environment for our kids. How do you navigate co parenting effectively, especially when you and your ex don't see eye to eye? Thank you for your help and your wisdom that you share, Josh. Hey, Josh. Thank you, brother. I'm sorry for the situation. I hope you know that I personally have. Have not been in the situation, so I would only be speaking my best encouragement to you as a friend. And you already know it's not easy. You. You're out there taking arrows. I talked about this with a friend just today. Sometimes you got to take the arrows and sometimes in order to improve, because I know you're firing arrows too, Josh, in order to improve, you need to fire one less arrow than she does. That would be improvement. It sounds like you're a big hang up. Is. Is discipline and given, given what you're dealing with right now, like you, you can't change what has happened. And ideally parents need, our kids need two parents. Um, and that's, that's God's design, is that kids have two parents and that the, the two personalities. Typically what we would see is the, the dad has authority and more of the disciplinarian than the mom, and the mom has the nurturing, compassion and wisdom in protection. And then the father carries out the protection and carries out the discipline. So that's the partnership. When men and women in the Bible are created equal, they, they are created equal. But that, that does not mean equal roles. That means. That means equal value but, but not equal roles. That's really practical, easy to understand. And that's not the point. And that's not, that's not the point of your email. But, but I do think it's. It's important to remember that when parents break up and get a divorce and it's, it's not as if two equal parts have now split into two and there's one half here and one half here, it's equal. Valued parts have broken up that have, that have different roles and so that now the roles are split and that's where the difficulty that, that you're you're talking about comes in. So what do you do? What do you do? I don't know how old your kids are. You don't say that, do you? No. If you said. If you said how old the kids are, they could start to. It could start to help because as they get older, you could have conversations about this. But what you want to do is always be respectful towards your ex wife. You never want to throw shade on her or talk behind her back or give any illusion to your kids that you're doing things right and your mom's messing it up because. Well, for a lot of reasons. Because. But one of the reasons is that's their mama. So you don't want to put their mama in a bad light. And that concept's kind of lost in split parenting right now. The idea that if anyone. This is kind of a known thing. You talk to anybody about their mama in a negative way, and we get mad, we get defensive, because that's our mama. Dads, that includes you. When you have divorced the mama and that's your ex wife, just because it's your ex wife doesn't give you now a free pass to talk negatively about their mama. Just as a guy in a grocery store or a guy in a bar or a guy in the street or a guy on the football team wouldn't say anything negative about someone else's mama without them being triggered. That goes with the husbands of the ex wives as well. Don't talk about your kid's mama in a bad way. Wives, I can't speak. That can't speak for you. But I could speak to you and say, you should take the same advice. And so as they get older, you could start to just say, you know, your mama loves you so much. She's a great mama, and everything she does is out of love. Now, we do see things a little bit differently when it comes to discipline. And you could probably tell that when you come to my house, I'm a little bit stricter with this. And I told you that you can't eat Froot Loops because it's sugar and it's bad for you, and you could get cavities. And so I'm sorry that when you come over here, my rule is that you can't have Fruit Loops. And when you go to your mom's house, she lets you. And that's not because I love you more, she loves you less. It has nothing to do with that. She just. She doesn't see it. And she's your mama. And so you got to respect her rules when you go to her house, okay? And she has things that you can't do that I let you do. But because we're in this situation and I wish we weren't, you're going to have to go by my rules when you're in my house, and then you're going to have to go by her rules when you go to her house. And those rules, sometimes they don't go to each other's house. So these conversations you could have with a 6, 7, 8 year old that you can't have with a 4 year old that don't quite understand it yet, and these are the difficult conversations that come with split parenting. And I don't think there's inconsistency there. You're worried about inconsistency and confusion. I don't think that that is there. If you lay it out like I just did, where you're just, you, you tell them, when I discipline, I, I do it this way. When your mama disciplines, she does it this way. I'm not saying that your mama's doing it wrong, but this is my house and my rules and that's her house. And hurles just be very clear on that. And I don't think that creates inconsistency. It creates inconsistency if they don't know that's not communicated and they just go in there. Like I said, Dad, I thought I could have Froot Loops. And you go, your mama let you have those Fruit Loops. I don't know why she does that. That just tears your teeth apart and messes up your belly and, and gives you pimples. You shouldn't eat that sugary stuff. You know, that's throwing shade on mama. Do your best to stay away from that. Josh, I'm sorry you're in the situation, man, and I hope this helps just a little bit.