Protecting Your Energy: Boundaries, Work Maturity & The Power of a Good Shower (5th Thing)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Protecting Your Energy: Boundaries, Work Maturity & The Power of a Good Shower (5th Thing) The Bobby Bones Show – Released February 18, 2025

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Hosts: Amy & Kat

In the episode titled "Protecting Your Energy: Boundaries, Work Maturity & The Power of a Good Shower (5th Thing)," Amy and Kat delve into the intricate dynamics of setting personal boundaries, developing maturity in the workplace, and the often-overlooked benefits of a refreshing shower. Through engaging conversations, personal anecdotes, and insightful reflections, the hosts provide listeners with practical advice to enhance their personal and professional lives.

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1. The Importance of Boundaries and Protecting Your Energy

Key Discussion Points:

• Setting Boundaries: Amy introduces a powerful quote, “Stop giving level 10 access to people with level 3 responsibility,” highlighting the imbalance often seen in personal and professional relationships.

  Amy [01:37]: "Stop giving level 10 access to people with level 3 responsibility."

• Reciprocity in Relationships: Kat emphasizes the necessity of mutual respect and energy investment in relationships, pointing out the pitfalls of one-sided efforts.

  Kat [02:16]: "I like to just make sure that whoever I'm with, I'm showing up as the same kind of person... that's not a good use of my energy."

• Resentment from Overextension: The conversation touches on how overcommitting energy to others who may not reciprocate can lead to personal resentment.

  Amy [02:30]: "No one has time for resentment."

Insights: Amy and Kat discuss the delicate balance between being consistent in how they present themselves and recognizing when their energy investments are unreciprocated. They explore strategies to read between the lines in interactions, ensuring that boundaries are respected to maintain personal well-being.

Notable Quote:

Amy [13:20]: "Having the stop giving level 10 access to people with level 3 responsibility. We could all do a little bit better at times learning to read between the lines..."

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2. Work Maturity and Professional Growth

Key Discussion Points:

• Receiving Constructive Feedback: Amy emphasizes viewing feedback as an opportunity for growth rather than a personal attack.

  Amy [26:37]: "Constructive feedback isn't an attack. It's an opportunity."

• Handling Hard Conversations: The hosts highlight the importance of addressing conflicts directly and learning to let go, demonstrating maturity in professional settings.

  Amy [34:55]: "Handle hard conversations and let go. That is maturity at work at its finest."

• Setting Boundaries at Work: Kat shares experiences from her work as a therapist, underscoring the necessity of self-compassion and understanding one's limits to prevent burnout.

  Kat [32:16]: "Some days we're going to be better than others... there's nothing you can do about that."

Insights: Amy and Kat explore the components of professional maturity, such as accepting feedback gracefully, engaging in meaningful dialogue to resolve conflicts, and recognizing when to step back. They discuss how these practices not only enhance workplace relationships but also contribute to personal growth and job satisfaction.

Notable Quote:

Amy [35:19]: "Not every opinion deserves space in your mind."

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3. The Power of a Good Shower

Key Discussion Points:

• Types of Showers: Amy introduces the concept of different shower routines, categorizing them into types like the "Yes Queen Shower," which involves thorough self-care rituals.

  Amy [08:17]: "There are four types of showers that women have, and I did the yes queen shower yesterday..."

• Emotional Benefits: The discussion highlights how a mindful shower routine can serve as a form of self-compassion and a break from daily stresses.

  Amy [30:34]: "You're allowed to have an off week. Bad days happen... remember that you're more than your productivity in a single week or a single day."

Insights: The conversation underscores the significance of taking time for oneself through simple daily rituals like showering. By categorizing different types of showers, Amy and Kat illustrate how these practices can influence one's mental state, promote relaxation, and enhance overall well-being.

Notable Quote:

Kat [35:27]: "Not every opinion deserves space in your mind."

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4. Personal Anecdotes and Practical Tips

Anniversary Celebrations:

• Kat shares a heartfelt story about her one-year anniversary, emphasizing the effort and creativity her husband put into making paper origamis as a thoughtful gift.

  Kat [03:47]: "It's really sweet. He put so much energy into it..."

Tech Tips:

• Amy reveals a useful feature about scheduling text messages, which can help manage communication effectively without feeling overwhelmed.

  Amy [17:00]: "You can schedule your text to be delivered at a certain time."

Self-Reflection:

• Both hosts discuss the importance of self-awareness, recognizing one's own emotional triggers, and the value of feedback from others to foster personal growth.

  Amy [22:00]: "The epitome of self-awareness is knowing that you're not always 100% aware."

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5. Maintaining Relationships and Communication

Healthy Communication:

• Amy and Kat delve into strategies for maintaining healthy relationships through effective communication, understanding, and mutual respect.

  Kat [23:01]: "Neither of us is trying to do something to hurt the other person... it's easy for us to assume positive intent."

Navigating Conflicts:

• They discuss how to handle misunderstandings and conflicts by addressing them promptly and with empathy, thereby preventing unnecessary resentment.

  Amy [24:42]: "If you realize that you don't want to, then maybe that's a sign that you need to evaluate the relationship."

Encouraging Growth:

• The hosts stress the importance of self-compassion and continuous improvement, rather than striving for unattainable perfection.

  Amy [35:49]: "Growth isn't about being perfect. It's about showing up, learning, and improving over time."

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Concluding Thoughts

Amy and Kat wrap up the episode by reinforcing the key themes of setting healthy boundaries, embracing maturity in the workplace, and incorporating self-care practices like mindful showers into daily routines. They encourage listeners to practice self-compassion, nurture meaningful relationships, and continuously seek personal and professional growth.

Final Quotes:

Amy [35:49]: "Growth isn't about being perfect. It's about showing up, learning and improving over time."

Kat [35:27]: "Not every opinion deserves space in your mind."

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Takeaways:

• Set Clear Boundaries: Protect your energy by understanding who truly deserves your time and attention.
• Embrace Professional Maturity: View feedback as a growth opportunity and handle conflicts with grace.
• Prioritize Self-Care: Incorporate rituals like a mindful shower to enhance mental well-being.
• Foster Healthy Relationships: Communicate effectively, assume positive intent, and nurture relationships that respect mutual boundaries.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Allow yourself grace on off days and focus on continuous improvement rather than perfection.

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This episode of The Bobby Bones Show offers valuable insights into personal and professional development, emphasizing the importance of boundaries, maturity, and self-care. Amy and Kat's candid conversations provide listeners with actionable strategies to enhance their lives, making it a must-listen for anyone striving to protect their energy and foster meaningful growth.

Transcript

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[Kat]

Oh, oh oh, O'Reilly Auto Parts.

[Amy]

Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy.

[Kat]

And I'm Kat.

[Amy]

And today's quote is unknown. I'm not quite sure who said it, but I saw it written somewhere and I was like, bam, that's powerful. Stop giving level 10 access to people with level 3 responsibility.

[Kat]

I like that because on my side, I like to show up the same with everybody. Like, I like to just make sure that whoever I'm with, I'm showing up as the same kind of person. But that becomes a problem when I'm giving time and energy and consideration and thought and all of this stuff to somebody who doesn't really care about me, if that makes sense. And it's like, well, I want to be the same person all the time, but also that's not a good use of my energy.

[Amy]

Yeah, no. And then that's when resentment comes in. So ain't nobody got time for resentment, you know?

[Kat]

And then it becomes my problem. Like, I'm creating the problem. I'm resenting you, but it's because I'm giving you energy that I don't have to give you.

[Amy]

Well, speaking of energy, your sweet husband of one year, which, by the way, happy one year anniversary.

[Kat]

Thank you.

[Amy]

He put a lot of energy into a bunch of origamis that I see. Kat and I were recording on Zoom today because my kids have been sick and just didn't want to be near her in person, just in case. And paper origamis are everywhere. Why did he put so much energy into that?

[Kat]

So your first anniversary is paper, like, the gifts or whatever. I don't really know what that means, but I just know I looked it up, and it was paper. By the way, you and multiple other people thought that I got my anniversary wrong because I got married on a Friday, and my anniversary was Sunday, and one of my friends was like, oh, my gosh. I was, like, wanting to say something to you that you got the date wrong, but I didn't because I didn't want to, like, upset you, but it was just because it was leap year.

[Amy]

I definitely was a little bit confused, but then I remembered the leap year situation. So I'm sure in years to come, y'all may get your anniversary a little bit wrong, but you would think year one, you get it right?

[Kat]

Right.

[Amy]

So why paper origamis? I mean, I get the paper part for a year, but why origami? And why are there seven of them? And I feel like there's a deeper meaning here, so it's not that deep.

[Kat]

It's really sweet. He put so much energy into it, and, like, was. I was like, how do. Do you know how to do origami? They're paper cranes. And he said, I YouTubed it. But I guess a couple years ago, obviously, we've been together for three years. His first, like, work trip he went on, he wanted to bring me back a gift, which was just sweet. And like any normal guy, he picked out my gift in the airport, and he brought me home this, like, ceramic hummingbird. And when I opened it was one of those gifts where you open and you're like, oh, is there a gift card in the bottom of the box? Because it was so random. I wish. He videotaped me opening it because, one, he didn't need to get me a gift. But I'm like, why this ceramic bird? It means, like, we didn't have a inside joke or anything about this bird. And he said, oh, I just saw this hummingbird in the airport, and I thought it. It. It reminded me of you. So now. So now whenever he sees a hummingbird, he, like, wants to buy it, and it's become just like a little inside joke. So he said a paper crane was the closest thing he could make to look like a hummingbird. Kind of looks like a hummingbird.

[Amy]

Yeah, I can see that. That's sweet. While you're talking, I just pulled up fun facts about hummingbirds. They're the only birds that can fly backwards, but you maybe knew that one because you can see them flying back, but they're the only bird that can do it. And the name hummingbird comes from the humming noise that their wings make because they beat so fast. They are the smallest migrating bird. They don't migrate in flocks like other species, and they typically travel alone for up to 500 miles at a time. Now, that's depressing.

[Kat]

Wait, I don't know that I want that to be our relationship mascot.

[Amy]

Happy one year. Can't wait to live life alone.

[Kat]

Okay, we might have to get a new bird.

[Amy]

The average weight of a hummingbird is less than a nickel. Their tiny legs are only used for perching and moving sideways while perched. And they drink the nectar found in feeders by moving their tongue in and out about 13 times per second. Wow. What? Hey.

[Kat]

Interesting.

[Amy]

Okay, these are boring. I'm gonna stop the fun facts about hummingbird.

[Kat]

I also feel really bad because I. Well, he's not gonna listen to this, so it won't matter. His gift has not come in yet. He has not received it. And I feel really bad because he went above and beyond. He did a lot of really cute things yesterday. My gift ended up having nothing to do with paper, but it started with the idea of paper, because I thought to get him one of those maps that you put, like, the push pin in everywhere you've traveled, because we've started traveling a lot together. And so on my search to find one of those maps, I found a really cool version that was made out of wood and ordered that. So the thought was paper, but the gift is actually going to be made out of wood. It's like, a nice one that you would, like, hang on your wall. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Amy]

Yeah, I've seen it. But wood is year five.

[Kat]

Well, I know, but I really wanted this one.

[Amy]

Well, so you're just manifesting five years, right?

[Kat]

Right, right, right. Yes. But we're gonna make it. We're gonna make it five years, and then I'll just be like, oh, I already got you your gift for year five. But the problem is, I ordered this a couple weeks ago, not realizing where I ordered it from. And I ordered it From Ukraine. So it's taking a little longer to get here than I thought. But he's really gonna love it when he gets it.

[Amy]

I'm sure he is. And I love that, like, you're like, since we love to travel together now, just really, you just desperately needing to have plans on your calendar and places to go. So, like, when one trip is over, you're like, what am I gonna look forward to next? Cause ever since your wedding ended a year ago, you're like, I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. Like, my wedding was the best day of my life. And now that it's over, I have nothing to do with, to live for.

[Kat]

To look forward to.

[Amy]

So dramatic. So you fill that void with all your little trips everywhere. But I do think it's cool that you're gonna document it on the map. Yeah, I need to get one of those. Maybe it'll help motivate you. Motivate me? Encourage me to travel. Because as we know, if I have time off, I typically go to Colorado, which is not a bad thing. I love seeing my sister, but I do need to spread my wings like a little hummingbird.

[Kat]

But not travel alone.

[Amy]

Not alone.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Gosh, up to 500 miles alone.

[Kat]

I don't know that I've seen a hummingbird fly. I've only just seen one hover.

[Amy]

Yeah, but you've seen them go backwards. Yes, I have, because they're the only bird that can do that, that can fly backwards. So if you get that in a trivia question, you're welcome. There are four types of showers that women have, and I did the yes queen shower yesterday because Kat and I were supposed to have this whole photo shoot thing. And the yes queen shower is exfoliate, shave, condition hair. Like, I did a deep treatment on my hair. Even when I got out, my shower was extended because I self tanned. I feel like that's part of the whole cleaning process. Like when you're going all in. Like, I'm going to feel my best when I emerge from this situation. And. And that's the shower I gave myself yesterday. So there's the quick body wash. That's the first type. There's the hair and body wash, the yes queen, which is all the things. And then there's the stare at the wall, evaluate all life decisions and hope the water washes away your stress type of shower.

[Kat]

Which maybe might be the best kind.

[Amy]

Oh, yeah. I may stare at the wall, but I also may do a very dramatic lean my back up against the wall and Slowly go down to my knees. Like, squat down and just lay there and let the water hit me. There's that type, too.

[Kat]

I feel like I need a bench in my shower so I can, like, just, like, sit and just do that that way. Because standing sometimes is too much, and I don't always want to lay on the ground.

[Amy]

I've been looking online. I'll let you know if I find one for a bamboo stool. I'm not looking for a bench, but I do want a stool for my shower just because I think it would be cute. When I moved into my house, I renovated my bathroom, and that was part of my vision. Day one, when I was designing the bathroom, I was like, a stool will look so cute right here. And my shower's all glass. You can see in. And I just thought, oh, a little bamboo stool will look great here. How many months later are we? I still haven't found the right bamboo stool or, I guess, taken a lot of time. But I keep looking on Amazon, and maybe that's my problem. I need to look elsewhere.

[Kat]

Yeah. I also have heard people call the yes Queen shower a dolphin shower.

[Amy]

Why?

[Kat]

Well, think of a dolphin.

[Amy]

Okay. I think dolphins are in the water, dancing around and having conversations with their friends.

[Kat]

Okay, you're going somewhere different. A dolphin is just, like, sleek and shiny and smooth. I think that's the point is, like, it's like a deep, clean shower where you're, like, actually shaving. Which some people are surprised to know that. I mean, some people do this, but I don't shave my legs every day. Like, that's such a task to me. Do you?

[Amy]

Well, I got laser hair removal, but do some people shave their legs every single day?

[Kat]

I think some people do.

[Amy]

Huh. When I shaved my legs, I didn't do every day. I mean, there would just be days. I totally avoided that. Or weeks, actually. I'd be like, whoopsie. My friend was in a car accident in November, and this was years back, but she participated in no Shave November. And her car wreck was at the end of November, and they had to cut off her clothes because of her injuries. She ended up being okay, but as the paramedics are cutting off her clothes, and she's like, I've been doing no Shave November, and I need you to know that. That I normally am not this unkept, but I am doing no Shave November. And do you know when you said dolphin, it took me back to junior high. This kid, Ishmael, he would always say that I look like a dolphin. And anytime I Walked by him, he would make dolphin noises and he put a picture of a dolphin in my locker. One day I opened it up and this picture fell out. And anyway, when you told that story, that's where it took me. My brain instantly went back to junior high.

[Kat]

Stop. That's what he would do.

[Amy]

Yes.

[Kat]

So I have a couple follow up questions to that. One, did he like you?

[Amy]

I have no idea.

[Kat]

And two, did that feel like he was bullying you?

[Amy]

No, I wasn't necessarily offended by a dolphin. I kind of thought, okay, dolphins are cute, I guess, but I'm not sure what his intent was, so I just let it go.

[Kat]

That sounds like a guy who doesn't know how to flirt. So he's like, I'm just gonna make dolphin noises around her.

[Amy]

And then when I see a picture of a dolphin that I like, I'm gonna go stick it in her locker. That'll really show her. I don't know. So, hey, we learned something new, because I had no idea that was called a dolphin shower. Back to the quote. Because I did want to go somewhere with that. Having the stop giving level 10 access to people with level 3.

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[Amy]

Back to the quote, because I did want to go somewhere with that having the stop giving level 10 access to people with level 3 responsibility. We could all do a little bit better at times learning to read between the lines because we sometimes receive very clear messages from people that either we decide to ignore for a little bit or we're believing the best so they just go right over our head. And sometimes we may be the ones giving this energy out. So it goes both ways, obviously. But I saw a list of how to learn to read between the lines. It was something that was posted and I just took a screenshot of it. You know, I've got like 1 million screenshots in my phone and I'm trying to put them to use. So in a Four Things episode, maybe last month or something, Kat one of my things was talking about how people with ADHD tend to screenshot everything. And I didn't want my screenshots to go to waste, so I went through my phone and just sort of like screenshot roulette. I just picked random ones where I was like, oh, okay, well, I'm gonna share this screenshot so that it doesn't go to waste.

[Kat]

I wish I was one of those people that screenshotted things and then organized it into a folder in my phone. People do that?

[Amy]

Oh yeah, I could never. I tried to organize my apps and.

[Kat]

That was too much.

[Amy]

Yeah, I. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but it's just like not working. Like, I don't have a good system on my phone at all. Do you know something that I learned from Bobby that I had no idea you could do? So I'm going to share it here because this was such a good tip. When you are texting somebody, say it's late at night or early in the morning and you don't want it to go out yet. Did you know you can schedule your text to be delivered at a certain time? Because I did not know this.

[Kat]

A girl who Works at three chords. Told me that last week, but she didn't tell me how to do it. She just said that you can do it.

[Amy]

Okay. So when you pull up someone's name to text them, there's. By the message part, there's a little plus sign. You hit the plus sign and it'll give you options. Camera, photos, stickers, Apple Cash audio store. And then there's send later. If you hit send later, you can put in the time.

[Kat]

That has to be like a new update thing, right?

[Amy]

Apparently it's been around for a while. I just never knew it was there. So you're welcome to anybody that wants to do that. And so Bobby said he'll type up a bunch of things, especially because he wakes up so early in the morning and he won't want to send them out that early. And then he'll just schedule them to all go out at like 9:30 in the morning. And instantly I was concerned that, what if all those people start replying to him at the same time? That would get very overwhelming for me.

[Kat]

Yeah, but you don't have to answer them at the same time.

[Amy]

Oh, and nor would I, because that. That when I get overwhelmed, I just start ignoring. That's why I have 551un.

[Kat]

Oh, my gosh.

[Amy]

Text messages. And I swear to you, over Christmas time when I was stuck on an airplane, I went through and got it down to zero.

[Kat]

But a lot of those are probably like promo, like ad stuff, right?

[Amy]

Yeah. Or maybe like big group texts of people where everybody just starts pinging. But then there's definitely some in here that I need to go open up, and I really, really want to. I just freeze. So I just hope people don't take it personally. And maybe I'm sending a message.

[Kat]

I was gonna say, maybe you're sending them a sign and they need to hear that.

[Amy]

Learn to read between the lines. No, really. There's some people that I love deeply that I need to get back to, but if they lack accountability, they'll shift blame. Like, that is an example of learning to read between the lines. Like, if they start shifting the blame, it's like, oh, maybe this person is teaching me they have zero ability to take accountability.

[Kat]

Yeah. And that is a period. There's no way for us to force them to do that.

[Amy]

If they lack communication skills, they'll say, you're arguing.

[Kat]

Yeah. Like, if you're just trying to communicate a point, they'll make it more dramatic than it probably is.

[Amy]

Which, by the way, this screenshot, it was a promotion For a book called Falling A Path to Self Realization. I've never read the book. Don't know the book. Don't even know when I took this screenshot. So I love the title of that book, though. There you go. If they lack emotional intelligence, they'll call you sensitive. If they lack self awareness, they'll criticize others for the very flaws they possess. If they lack honesty, they'll distort the truth to fit their narrative. If they lack boundaries, they'll overstep yours. And if they lack integrity, they'll justify their wrongdoings. So there you go. That's a list of things that will help you really read between the lines on somebody. And that's not to say if they do that once, that means that they're someone you need to cut out in any way, shape, or form. We all need a little grace at times because we can even realize, like, oh, shoot, I acted that way. Like, Kat and I had a text conversation yesterday about something that we was misunderstood. And I realized pretty quickly I was like, gosh, I got defensive. But I also know that I was very sensitive yesterday. Cause I was even getting defensive with other people. I knew my reaction didn't feel in alignment with how I want to show up. And so once I had that thought, I tried to share it with you pretty immediately just so that you knew that I realized I got defensive and I shouldn't have.

[Kat]

You do a good job of that in general. Of if you do or say something, you'll take a moment and then come back and kind of reopen that up. But I also think the part about self awareness that they're talking about, because when I told you, I said I'm sorry if what I said came off this way. Let me know if it did. I didn't mean to sound that way or to be harsh or rude. And part of that is with self awareness, I think having it means sometimes we don't always habit and owning that where, like, maybe I did come off wrong or just mean, I don't know. But I can't always be the judge of that because I'm inside of my own feelings and thoughts. And sometimes I need somebody else to help me get that. And I think sometimes that gets misconstrued. And people who think that they have self awareness mean that they never need feedback. And that isn't true. You hear that all the time. Like, I have really good self awareness. Like I would know. And I'm like, I have really good self awareness. And that means sometimes I don't know, I need somebody to be like, Catherine, you don't sound like yourself.

[Amy]

Yeah. I feel like the epitome of self awareness is knowing that you're not always 100% aware, right? Yes.

[Kat]

Which is, like, counterintuitive, but also that's what it is.

[Amy]

Yeah. It's like the minute you think you know everything, you know nothing, Right?

[Kat]

Yes.

[Amy]

That's a famous quote by somebody.

[Kat]

Somebody.

[Amy]

But, like, I feel like lots of people have said that. But I think, like, it goes back to, who knows, like, Socrates or something. Some really.

[Kat]

Aristotle.

[Amy]

Prolific philosopher.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

That's an interesting place to be. To just be aware of everything. Wow, what's that? Like, you and I were not in a situation where we could talk. And so that's just another example, too, of sometimes how texts can just get really messy quick. And if it was a phone conversation or you could hear the other person's tone and voice, like, you would know exactly what was going on. But I feel like if we were being tested, we did good.

[Kat]

Check.

[Amy]

Like, if our friendship and work relationship was getting a little test, then, okay, I see a future for us. But also, if something's important to you, you want to approach it with care and in confrontation. Like, I would rather confront that right away. Because old me would have maybe buried some stuff and not had the talk. And then there would have been some resentment that was totally unnecessary and not even on both of our ends. Because then you wouldn't have been able to. Maybe you would have said something to me. But I think if I had it my old way, my patterns, I'd be like, oh, I'm not gonna say anything. Cause I don't wanna make this, like, a thing.

[Kat]

I think the other part of why that worked out well is because we both have an understanding, at least on my side, I think we do. That neither of us is trying to do something to hurt the other person. So it's easy for us to assume positive intent. So when you said you got defensive in my head, I was like, that one text that I was like, whoa. I think my text came off wrong, was because I know that she's not trying to, like, be defensive in any way, but something's awry. So having that understanding with somebody that you're communicating with, that we both want the best for the other person helps with that. So in some relationships, that might be harder to do. It might be harder to have that, like, really good back and forth where you don't jump to conclusions because you don't know. You don't start from that, like, healthy spot, but which is a clue that, like, that might not be the healthiest relationship.

[Amy]

Yeah. What's the nickname I gave myself yesterday? Sensitive Sandy.

[Kat]

Something like that.

[Amy]

I think it's hormones or something. I just knew my filter wasn't right, and because I had had encounters with other people where it was brought to my attention that I was being sensitive. And so then I was like, huh, let me try to take this through my sensitive Sandy filter radar. And once I did that, alarms were going off, and I'm like, oh, dang. I just feel like I took this out on Cat and, like, got defensive. I just felt misunderstood. And people don't know the entire context, so they're probably like, what? What are y'all even talking about right now? But I think it's just important to nurture relationships. If they're important to you, then that's where you want to pour this type of energy into.

[Kat]

Yes.

[Amy]

And if you realize that you don't want to, then maybe that's a sign that you need to evaluate the relationship. Like, how safe do you feel with this person? And if you realize it is important to you and you don't feel like you can be safe, then maybe explore why that is, and then you can go from there. That takes me into the next thing that I want to talk about, which is maturing at work, and the list of things that help you realize that you have matured at work or in any relationship. And one of the things on there is feedback is just feedback. Like, constructive feedback isn't an attack. It's an opportunity. It's one person's perspective. It's not a verdict on your worth in any way, shape, or form. It's just information. Take what helps you grow, leave the rest behind, and keep moving forward. I think it's just being open to that feedback as well. Because sometimes you might be in a place where you're like, what? And you're not wanting to receive any of it. And this is. This is another thing that I Screenshot from some TEDx speaker on Instagram. It's peak performance with Julia. Not familiar with any of her work beyond this, but I feel like if you're invited to speak at a TED Talk or a TEDx Talk, you've done a lot of research.

[Kat]

Well, don't you pay to do those?

[Amy]

Is that how they do it?

[Kat]

I think there's different kinds of TED Talks. Like, I think I can pay to be a TED speaker. I'm sure you have to give an audition tape, though. They don't Just like anybody in.

[Amy]

I had no idea. I thought that you were being invited.

[Kat]

Maybe it's a mixture of both. I just do know that you can, like, pay to do it because it's a. It's a way for you to pay to give, like, a keynote speech and be seen by tons of people. Should we pay to do a TED Talk?

[Amy]

Like, oh, we should pay and give a whole TED Talk on our communication screenshots you have in our friendship. Not every problem is yours to solve. If you're maturing at work, you will realize that, like, you don't have to carry every challenge on your shoulders. Like, learn to help where you can, but remember that it's not fully your responsibility, which I work with someone like that. You know her too. It's not my place to put her stuff out there. But we both actually have worked with her, and she has done an amazing job of releasing that not every problem is her problem to solve. And she's done it beautifully. So much so that now I try to respect that so much that I even had a talk with her the other day of, like, normally I would come to you with this, but I'm just so proud of you and some of the boundaries that you've put into place that I don't want to mess with those. And she's like, oh, I still want you to be able to come to me with this. But I. I'm just so proud of the work that she's done because it's a lot to carry when you think that, you know, you should try to help solve all the problems.

[Eric Zimmer]

Hey, everyone. Did you know that an estimated 1.2 million people from all walks of life are living with HIV in the US HIV is a very important topic to me because I know it disproportionately affects the black community. But HIV doesn't have to stop you from living your life. HIV treatment, when taken as prescribed, can help you reach and stay undetectable, which means the amount of virus is so low that it can't be measured by lab tests. It's so crucial to make sure you get on treatment if you're diagnosed with HIV. Let's work together to address the stigma around HIV in our community. Visit treathivtoday.com to learn about a treatment option that may be right for you and talk to your healthcare provider to learn more. This message was sponsored by Gilead Sciences.

[Jon Stewart]

Can you hear it? It's the whisper of two wolves inside you. One says, you're not enough. The other says, keep going you can do this. They're always talking. The one you listen to shapes your life. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the one you feed on my podcast. We explore how to hear the voice that matters, the one that leads you to courage, wisdom and love. It's not about perfection, it's about direction. Millions of listeners have fed their good wolf. Now it's your turn. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[O'Reilly Ad]

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on the Daily show and in your ears with the Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Amy]

You're allowed to have an off week. Bad days happen. I like this. I like permission to have an off week. I hate it when I'm off. Like, I hate it. But this too shall pass. You got to just give yourself grace, reset, and remember that you're more than your productivity in a single week or a single day. I mean, honestly, I've been doing the radio show, the Bobby bones show for 19 years coming up, and I had a few off years, so it wasn't like an off week. I had some off years. And I was thinking about this the other day that we're past that now and I've come out the other side and it feels so good and I'm glad that I didn't get stuck in that. So if you're in a rut, have faith.

[Kat]

I was talking about this at work with some of the therapists I work with that we put pressure on ourselves every session to be on our A plus plus plus plus game because people are paying us for a service. And while I believe we can do the best that we can every session, some days we are going to be better than others. Like some days we're going to have more stuff that we're trying to, you know, keep outside of the therapy room that we're struggling with some, some days we're going to be more motivated. That's just part of it. So there's a difference in, like not caring about your job and just not paying attention to your clients and knowing that some days just literally are better than Others, it's just a fact of life. There's nothing you can do about that because I think when we try to be perfect, every single. In every thing we do, we end up actually not doing a good job, period, because of that pressure.

[Amy]

Yeah. I just hope the day that I go see my therapist, she's on her A game, but, I mean, I get that feels really good. I fully support what you're saying, Kat. No, no, no. I have grace for that. And I think it's important to remember.

[Kat]

What also is interesting is we're our harshest critics. So even you and radio, like, sure. Sometimes people are going to tell, like, oh, something was off. And what we think is our A game, a client might not be even paying attention to that, because a client might just come in, and all they need that day is somebody to sit there and listen to them and be present with them. And so, yeah, I might have not had my most, you know, insightful thoughts, but that might not be what they need that day. So I think also knowing that we're our harshest critics allow some of that pressure to just dissipate.

[Amy]

Yeah, I just thought of a time where I need you to always have your A game, though. Not you as the therapist. I just mean heart surgery, a profession in general. Yeah, probably that I was gonna say that time I got my eyebrows microbladed, and they were horrible.

[Kat]

Okay. Yeah.

[Amy]

You know what, though? I had grace. I had Grace. I've never once said, like, really to anybody. Like, I don't talk about it for sure. Wouldn't say it on a public platform, but even privately, I don't talk about who did it because I think she is talented and I think she just had an off day. And unfortunately, it was my face permanent, and then I had to have lasered off, but things were made possible because of that. And now I have since met Megan, who microblades now, and she is an amazing brow microblader. And she's an amazing areola artist because she does that for women who have had reconstructive breast surgery because of breast cancer. And she'll tattoo on their areola, AKA nipples.

[Kat]

And it's. It looks real. She's incredible at it.

[Amy]

Yeah, it's, like, incredible 3D. Like the 3D. Yeah. It's very, very impressive. Okay. Just to round out the list of things that show that you're maturing at work, we have got handle hard conversations and let go. Like, if you're able to do that, that is maturity at work at its finest, because you've Addressed a conflict directly. You've learned from it and then you've let it go. You don't let that single interaction weigh you down. You're not losing sleep over it. Which I gotta say, our little interaction yesterday was friendship, but mostly work related. I didn't lose an ounce of sleep over it because we handled it.

[Kat]

Yeah, we're maturing, but I think old.

[Amy]

Me would have thought over and over and over about it, so. Whew. It's fun to celebrate little wins like that. Set boundaries to protect your energy. Not everything needs a reaction. Not every opinion, like, deserves space in your mind. So if you want to respect your own limits, then that's just more energy that you're going to have. For what? What really matters.

[Kat]

I want you to say that again. Not every opinion deserves your attention. Is that what it was?

[Amy]

Yeah. Not every opinion deserves space in your mind.

[Kat]

That is so simple and so good for outside of work, just in general. Carry on.

[Amy]

You're gonna get that tattooed maybe on you. And then lastly, practice self compassion. Growth isn't about being perfect. It's about showing up, learning and improving over time. Drop the mic.

[Kat]

Boom.

[Amy]

Do people still say that? Is that still cool? Drop the mic.

[Kat]

So I think they say mic drop.

[Amy]

Oh, mic drop. Okay. I said psych to my kids last night and I was like, do y'all know what that means? And they both said, yeah, we know what it means, but we don't. We don't say it, we don't do it, but we know we know what it means. And I'm like, okay, I'm just check.

[Kat]

In because I thought psych was coming back.

[Amy]

That's what I thought too. But if it has, my kids are not in on it yet. But now I'm going to do it even more just to annoy them and be like, psych. I guess that was popular when I was in junior high and there were a few things we would say. We would say psych. And we do it just like that and we go, eh. And then we'd go anyways.

[Kat]

Wait, what's the eh? What's that?

[Amy]

I don't know. Maybe it's just the kind of school I went to. But we did psych. Eh. And anyways, let me tell you, if my kids came home from school and they were going to me or eh.

[Kat]

No, but what does that mean?

[Amy]

Like, I don't know. I guess it's just a reaction we would give. I feel like I would maybe even do those like in a row. I'd be like, psych. Anyways, I don't know. I was in sixth grade trying to fit in. Cat.

[Kat]

Okay, that's like me saying sick all the time. I started saying it as a joke, and now I can't stop saying it.

[Amy]

And it's hilarious because you'll tell Kat, like, one thing, and she'll just like something. So that doesn't even deserve a sick. And she'll just look at you, and she'll go sick. And then Patrick, y'all do it to each other. He'll text you sick. Which. How was Yalls pottery making on Valentine's Day? Was it sick?

[Kat]

It was sick. Actually, it wasn't as sick as I wanted to be because nobody told me that the clay sticks to your working surface. So I was getting really frustrated. I would make a really cool shape, and then I would try to pull it up from the table, and it would get all mushy. So I did some research. But also. Anybody listening? If you are a dry clay pottery person, give me your tips for rolling out the clay and how to keep it not stuck. I think I needed, like, parchment paper or something so I could peel it off. And then the other part is, I didn't realize that you can't paint it until it dries. And it took two days to dry, so we could only make our shape anyways.

[Amy]

You tried to put the paint on there, and the pottery was like, psych. See, we can use this. Okay, well, so what did you make? Like, little bowls?

[Kat]

So I wanted to make a vase, but, you know, it wasn't working. So we made something called a pinch pot, which you just take your thumb. It's so it's really easy to make. But this is what I learned about myself. I get an idea in my head, and I see somebody do it, and I tell myself, I can do that too. Even though those people might have been doing that for months, years, however long. So instead of starting beginner, I'm like, oh, I'm gonna start intermediate. I think that has to do with my patience if I wanna skip the steps. So after a couple of failed attempts, Patrick said, why don't you just do the beginner level thing? And I said, how dare you minimize my talents here? And you're right. So I made a pinch pot, and then he made the same thing, but then, of course, he had to one up me, and he added a little handle to his. So he tried to make a mug, but I don't think the handle's gonna hold. I think the handle's gonna fall off.

[Amy]

I hope it does. Yeah.

[Kat]

You should start a beginner too.

[Amy]

Loser.

[Kat]

This is my new thing. So the nails are still going strong. That's still my hobby. But I'm committed to become really good at pottery. So get ready for a homemade birthday present.

[Amy]

I feel like people could walk into your kitchen at any given time and be like, pick your hobby, pick your hobby. Do you want to paint? Because I have easels over here. Do you want to do pottery? Because I got this over there. And then if you want to do art on me, get your nails done then. Yeah, sit over there and yeah, we got paper making station over here. Like, it's just like we have a.

[Kat]

Homemade pasta noodle station over here.

[Amy]

Welcome to Cat's Hobbies.

[Kat]

I just offered to bake a friend's wedding cake.

[Amy]

No, you didn't.

[Kat]

Never done that before. Yeah, cuz I think I can do it.

[Amy]

Cat. This is one of the most important items at the wedding.

[Kat]

Historically, yes. This person said they wanted to do donuts for their dessert. And I said, well, if you want to do just do a cute small cake for cutting, you could just have one of your friends make it. You know, like, I could probably do it because my thought is I took a cake decorating class in eighth grade at Joann's and I've learned a couple things. Not like a tiered cake. I can't do that. But that's kind of a cut.

[Amy]

Yeah. You got this.

[Kat]

I could do it.

[Amy]

Yeah. Are you going to do some practice rounds first or are you just going to go?

[Kat]

I don't think she's going to let me do that. But I'm just saying, if anybody wants me to make their wedding cake, call me.

[Amy]

Where can people find you?

[Kat]

You can DM me on Instagram. Kat Van Buren.

[Amy]

And I am at Radio Amy and Kat and I hope that you are having the day you need to have. Boom. Bye.

[Kat]

Bye.

[Eric Zimmer]

Hey, everyone. Did you know that an estimated 1.2 million people from all walks of life are living with HIV in the US HIV is a very important topic to me because I know it disproportionately affects the black community. But HIV doesn't have to stop you from living your life. HIV treatment, when taken as prescribed, can help help you reach and stay undetectable, which means the amount of virus is so low that it can't be measured by lab tests. It's so crucial to make sure you get on treatment if you're diagnosed with HIV. Let's work together to address the stigma around HIV in our community. Visit treathivtoday.com to learn about a treatment option that may be right for you and talk to your healthcare provider to learn more. This message was sponsored by Gilead Sciences.

[Amy]

Welcome to My Legacy. I'm Martin Luther King III and together with my wife, Andrea Waters King, and our dear friends Mark and Craig Kilburger, we explore the personal journeys that shape extraordinary lives.

[Kat]

Join us for heartfelt conversations with remarkable.

[Julio]

Guests like David Oyelowo, Mel Robbins, Martin Sheen, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and Billy Porter.

[Amy]

Listen to My legacy on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[O'Reilly Ad]

This is My Legacy.

[Bobby Bones]

Hey, it's Bobby Bones. Join me and former NFL quarterback Matt Castle every Wednesday for our new podcast, Lots to say with Bobby Bones and Matt Castle. Between us, we have over 17,500 passing yards, multiple New York Times bestsellers, and one mirror ball trophy from Dancing With a Star. So where else you can find a show with that much athleticism and football insight? We talk sports, sports, but we talk pop culture and music and a little bit everything. Listen to Lots to Say with Bobby Bones and Matt castle on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.