SORE LOSERS - Why is it so Hard to Order a Pizza?

Summary

The Bobby Bones Show: SORE LOSERS – Why is it so Hard to Order a Pizza?

Date: May 17, 2026
Hosts: Lunchbox & Sizzin
Episode Theme:
A classic, meandering Sore Losers episode where the hosts dive into the frustration and hilarity of everyday life: golf course chaos, ordering pizza in the country, Little League drama, awkward flirts at physical therapy, and the sudden rise of golf carts in the suburbs. The tone is breezy, sarcastic, and self-deprecating as they unpack mundane struggles with relatable and comedic energy.

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Overview of Main Themes

This episode centers around why seemingly simple things—like ordering pizza or playing a round of golf—get complicated in everyday American life. The hosts trade stories, vent frustrations, and riff about sports, parenting, and suburbs-gone-wild, keeping it all light with signature banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Golf Course Gripe: Waiting, Skipping, and Muni Drama

[06:02–22:27]

• Lunchbox’s golf woes: Decides to squeeze in a round of golf while his kids are out, but runs into “the good old boys’ club” of muni (public) golf courses—waitlists are chaotic, favoritism seems rampant.
• Unclear process, frustrations with staff:

  "They said, 'yeah, it's not really an exact science on how we determine who's going.'" (Lunchbox, 10:33)
  "It’s literally counting. First person goes first. Second person goes second. Third person goes third. I mean, it’s really pretty simple." (Lunchbox, 11:05)

• Getting skipped over for tee times:
  • Lunchbox races to get on the list ahead of a guy (Hall) only to see Hall called ahead.
  • Waits 45 minutes just to keep getting bumped—“If you do [practice putting], you’re a loser. I’m sorry. Unless you’re on the PGA tour.” (Sizzin, 12:29)
• Finally paired with Charlie (an 88-year-old golfer) and a scratch golfer—more intimidation, less support.
• Lunchbox struggles on the course, gets left behind by his group after a disastrous hole.

  “They packed up their clubs and walked to the next tee box. They left me.” (Lunchbox, 20:03)

• Notable quote:

  "I got a nine." (Lunchbox, 21:08)

• Self-deprecation as a theme: Lunchbox narrates his golf failures with honesty and dry humor.

---

2. Pizza Ordering: A Surprisingly Herculean Task

[25:36–35:09]

• Country pizza orders gone wrong (Sizzin):
  • Calls to order two small cheese pizzas with jalapeños and extra cheese.
  • The order is repeated, forgotten, and reconfirmed endlessly:

    “Did you get my order? … Did you say two pizzas? … Cheese, small, and then jalapenos and extra cheese.” (Sizzin as Pizza Pub staff, 26:28–27:42)

  • The process grows absurd—after 15 minutes, Sizzin is physically at the shop before the call is over.

    "You know what, put them wherever the you want to put them. I’ve been on the phone for 15 minutes ordering these two cheese pizzas. I’m almost actually at your business." (Sizzin, 29:31)

  • Lunchbox relates:

    "If I had a dollar for every time he either forgot the jalapenos or the ranches..." (Lunchbox, 31:24)

• Online pizza ordering woes (Lunchbox):
  • Attempts to order pizzas for his son’s T-ball team party.
  • Frustrated that cheese pizza requires a custom build—no simple menu option.
  • Confusing checkout: order summary doesn’t say cheese, and the pictured pizza isn’t what he ordered.

    "No, no, that’s not what I want… I’m just gonna take a chance.” (Lunchbox, 33:47)

  • Happy ending: Pizza party is a hit, only a pizza and a half left over.

---

3. Little League: The Batting Cage ‘Dibs’ Battle

[40:30–47:39]

• Batting cage politics:
  • Lunchbox’s T-ball coach gets kicked out for another coach who “called dibs,” though no one knows to whom or when this “dibs” was called.
  • Raises questions about fairness and how these unwritten rules even work, all in good fun:

    "I just have never heard of another team being able to call dibs on the batting cage. If you’re in the batting cage, you don’t have to get out." (Lunchbox, 42:12) “Who did he call dibs to? … Do you have proof of this? Where’s your receipts?” (Sizzin, 45:58)

• Resolution: Despite being snubbed, their team wins.

  “So we called dibs on that W and we whooped that ass.” (Lunchbox, 47:00)

---

4. Physical Therapy: Awkward Flirtation

[51:36–57:45]

• Lunchbox witnesses an “epic fail” of a guy hitting on physical therapists at his appointment.
  • The man tries everything—from workout classes to a Steeplechase invitation—to no effect.
  • Staff is polite but not interested.

  "He spent 40 minutes on them going to steeplechase with him… That guy couldn’t sell a drink to a drunk on Broadway, dude." (Sizzin, 55:23)

---

5. Golf Carts: Suburban Invasion

[57:49–61:16]

• A sudden boom: Both hosts notice everyone in their neighborhoods is now buying golf carts, just to drive loops around suburban streets.
• Jokes about the uselessness:

  “Like, so say I take the night off from drinking, and then you’re just gonna drink some margaritas. I’m gonna drive you for what? Two loops around the neighborhood, and then we just pull back inside the garage and charge it?” (Sizzin, 58:32)

• Price tag surprise:
  • “Jess said she only paid $10,000 for hers.” (Sizzin, 59:40)
• Lamenting the trend:
  • “I would say my car’s worth $2,000.” (Sizzin, 60:03)

---

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On golf course bureaucracy:

  “You just checked me in 15 minutes ago, and you have on my receipt… and I showed it to the marshal down there, the starter, and he said, ‘I don’t know, I need to go check with the clubhouse.’” (Lunchbox, 16:53)

• After being left by his group:

  “Oh, they left you?” (Sizzin, 20:03)
  “That’s too sloppy for them, I guess.” (Sizzin, 20:06)

• The pizza order obsession:

  "He repeated two small cheese pizzas six or seven times. That’s incredible. He sounded just like him." (Lunchbox, 31:14)

• Batting cage dibs conundrum:

  “You gotta call shotgun. Shotgun. Dibs. All right, guys, we got six ice cream cones left. Dibs. Who did he call dibs to?” (Sizzin, 46:35)

• Cringe-worthy physical therapy flirt:

  “That guy couldn’t sell window cleaning to a skyscraper.” (Sizzin, 55:23)

• Golf cart skepticism:

  “No, no, can you pull something? No, no, no.” (Lunchbox, 60:14)
  “So it just goes like ten miles an hour and just, like, around the neighborhood and that’s it.” (Sizzin, 60:18)

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Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Start Time | |-------------------------------------------------|-----------------| | Golf Course Frustrations & Good Old Boys Club | 06:02 | | Pizza Ordering Fiascos | 25:36 | | Little League Batting Cage Dibs | 40:30 | | Physical Therapy Flirt Fails | 51:36 | | Suburban Golf Cart Explosion | 57:49 |

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Conclusion

A true Sore Losers episode: everyday absurdity, complaints that spiral into stand-up routines, and those uncomfortable but familiar social interactions. Whether it’s the ancient art of calling “dibs,” a pizza order that goes off the rails, or the new suburban status symbol (the golf cart), Lunchbox and Sizzin remind the listener that sometimes, the little stresses are the funniest—and most universal—stories we have.

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Tone:
Casual, sarcastic, and observational, with a relentless affection for finding comedy in the frustrations of suburban and small-town American life. The conversation weaves smoothly between stories, complaints, and riffs.

For the listener:
Perfect if you want to laugh at the minutiae of life, hate chaos at the public golf course, or have ever found yourself saying “Am I the only sane person here?”

Transcript

[Sizzin]

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[Sizzin]

welcome in.

[Lunchbox]

Oh, dude, what a weekend. What a weekend I had. Hopefully you had a lot a great weekend.

[Sizzin]

I've got to. What's on the menu? Address? Ordering pizza in the country.

[Lunchbox]

Okay, Ordering pizza in the country. I also ordered pizza in the city, though. I tried to play golf. Tell y' all about the. The trip to the old muni.

[Sizzin]

Are we talking about actual ordering pizza, though?

[Lunchbox]

Yeah, I ordered pizza.

[Sizzin]

Some of these reality shows, they're saying when the cast says, hey, do you want to shower before we head out? They always say that before going to

[Lunchbox]

the clubs means I want to hook up.

[Sizzin]

No, showering means skiing.

[Lunchbox]

Got it. Got it.

[Sizzin]

So we're talking about ordering pizza.

[Lunchbox]

No, ordering pizza. All right. Play golf. What else did I. What else do we have to talk about? I knew it.

[Sizzin]

I knew you golfed. If the sun's out and it's over 70, I know. You start shaking.

[Lunchbox]

I do. I start getting an itch. I got to talk about a dude and a physical therapist. The flirtation.

[Sizzin]

You're the dude.

[Lunchbox]

No, no, not me. Oh, another dude. And last but not least, I had something else, but I forgot that we're not going to talk about the elbow Heard around the world. That's old news. We don't care. Spurs lost. Congratulations. We're moving on.

[Sizzin]

What are you talking about?

[Lunchbox]

Yeah, they lost last night. We're not talking about it. We're moving on.

[Sizzin]

So it was what, like one of those elbow crunching games or what?

[Lunchbox]

No. Wimby. No, no.

[Sizzin]

Oh, so the spurs lost from the elbow. The guy shot it from the corner.

[Lunchbox]

No, no. Early on in the game, there was a little frustration by the. One of the best players in the world. And May got reckless with his right elbow and they said, have a good night.

[Sizzin]

So he's done for the playoffs.

[Lunchbox]

Well, I don't know about playoffs, but he was sent to the locker room that night.

[Sizzin]

We don't need that in the game. I would be fine if he was. If he's out the rest of the playoffs, I think the NBA needs to put its iron fist down.

[Lunchbox]

Oh, my other thing on the menu. Batting cage battle. Batting cage battle. That was it.

[Sizzin]

Oh, the guy from the rock station.

[Lunchbox]

No, no, no. That was my other thing.

[Sizzin]

His name is also Battle.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah, he does. Battle Ground. Not to be confused with Battle of the Battle. Batting cage battle. All right, let's Start the show, man.

[Sizzin]

We.

[Lunchbox]

You know what? Friday we never started the show.

[Sizzin]

We're gonna do it live.

[Lunchbox]

Wimby. I hope you had a good night off, man.

[Sizzin]

We. Oh, well, he was in the local, what was it, the Minnesota St. Paul precinct?

[Lunchbox]

No, he was at the Mall of America. He wanted to go check that out, so he had to get out of the game early.

[Sizzin]

We are the 1, 2, 3. So loser.

[Lunchbox]

What up everybody? I am Lunchbox. I know the most about sports. So I'll give you the sports facts, my sports opinions because I'm pretty much a sports genius, y'.

[Sizzin]

All. It's Sizzin. I'm from the north, I'm an alpha male. I live on the north side of Nashville with bays are in the country. It's a beautiful weekend, 70 degrees. Grass looks good, the shrubs look good. I watered a little. Didn't really need to watered itself last night. And it looks great. Just hanging out in the country all weekend, just admiring those 2.3333 acres and a lot of new neighbors moving in. Duplexes got built and what do you know, now we're a city no longer in the country. Over to you, coach.

[Lunchbox]

Coach. Your Friday, man, it couldn't have been a nicer day. It was 73 degrees, sunny and I said, man, it'd be a great day to play golf. And then it hit me. Two of the three boys after school were going over to a friend's house. So that means they weren't going to be home till five or six o' clock at night. So I had plenty of time to go to the golf course.

[Sizzin]

So you're fine with them staying at friends houses? Yeah, my parents always wanted to in house.

[Lunchbox]

What's. I mean, I don't understand that. The point of having friends is to be able to go to their house. They come to your house, that's why you have friends there you go.

[Sizzin]

And if there's a weekend, book it, go make another friend. I don't care. It should be wide open. As a parent, once they get to that 5, 6 range, it really should be.

[Lunchbox]

You should let your kids go have fun, experience, enjoy the time at their friend's house. And the coolest thing is, is when they go home with them after school, it feels like an adventure when you get to go with them. I remember saying, hey mom, can AJ come over after school on Friday? I gotta ask his mom. His mom would say yes and she'd write a note and say, hey, AJ is gonna ride the bus home. And it was like, oh my Gosh, it felt like, so cool to have someone new on the bus.

[Sizzin]

Oh, you have to tell the teacher.

[Lunchbox]

Yes. Or a note for the bus driver. Because the bus driver kind of knows who. What kids are on the bus.

[Sizzin]

Yeah.

[Lunchbox]

So they were going over to James's

[Sizzin]

house and they stay the night at a girl's house.

[Lunchbox]

I did in like, seventh grade at Lauren's house.

[Sizzin]

Can Lunchbox stay the night in Lauren's bed? I mean, house.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah, Lauren and Kathleen, those were the two. They were best friends and we were really good friends. Then we'd have slumber parties over their house. Sixth, seventh grade. But elementary school did I. I don't think I spent the night at a girl's house in elementary school that I can think of. Anyway, back to the story. So James's mom was like, hey, can they come over after school? Like, oh, absolutely. I was like, this is great. I can play golf, so get done with work on Friday. And I look and there's a place north of town. They have tee times. Like, it would be perfect. I'd be getting there right at the tee time. But there's a course south of town I hadn't played in like six, seven months. And I really like. Okay, I really like playing that course.

[Sizzin]

But it's funny how many times we say 6, 7. It is in the English language.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah. And it's really died. I haven't seen any videos. I think it is dead.

[Sizzin]

Okay.

[Lunchbox]

I don't think it's popular anymore, but we can keep it alive.

[Sizzin]

What about four?

[Lunchbox]

One and didn't really ever catch on. And so I was like, you know what? I'm gonna drive to the course south of town. I'm gonna be a walk up. That's fine. I got all day to wait. And I drive up. I'm in the parking lot and I see another truck pull up. I'm like, oh, I got to beat that sucker inside. Because if it's a wait list, I got to get my name on the wait list first. And I walk up to the counter and they're like, what can I do for you, sir? And I'm like, yeah, I'm just trying to play 18 walking up, and they're like, ah, it's going to be a minute. We got some people on the list. There's like four ahead of you. What's your last name? I said, gibble. I said, all right, man, we'll call you.

[Sizzin]

And why don't you put Hollywood?

[Lunchbox]

And then I turn around to walk out and they ask that guy, hey, what's up with you, man? We got tea time. He goes, no, same boat as him. Just trying to walk up, play.

[Sizzin]

I don't have a boat.

[Lunchbox]

And they're like, what's your last name? And he goes, hall. All right, cool. We'll call you when it's your turn. So I go down to the putting green. I'm down on the putting green for, like, maybe 10 minutes.

[Sizzin]

Putting Green's the worst. So boring.

[Lunchbox]

The driving range was closed. They were doing some work, irrigation, whatever. So he can't even warm up. And the speaker comes on. He goes, haul single to the pro shop. Haul single to the pro shop.

[Sizzin]

You were ahead of him.

[Lunchbox]

I'm like, what? They must be taking him off the list.

[Sizzin]

You don't think that he slipped him a bitcoin?

[Lunchbox]

And I'm like, that's weird. Maybe they just, you know, wanted to make sure he was still there. Like, you know, I don't know. Maybe they misspelled Hall. They want to make sure they spelled it right. And I'm like, because I was here ahead of that guy. And he comes walking out of the clubhouse, back out of the clubhouse, gets in a golf cart, goes up to the starter, and I'm like, what? That doesn't seem right.

[Sizzin]

Good old boys.

[Lunchbox]

Let me go back inside and see what's going on here. So I go back in the old clubhouse. I say, hey, man.

[Sizzin]

Hey, mister.

[Lunchbox]

I'm just checking, because that hall guy, he was here after me and y', all, you just called him, and he's going off the number one tee right now. They said, yeah, it's not really an exact science on how we determine who's going.

[Sizzin]

Well, I'm not a scientist. Good thing.

[Lunchbox]

I said. I said, well, there is no exact science.

[Sizzin]

It's a laundry list. It's a pecking order.

[Lunchbox]

I was like, there doesn't need to be science involved. It's literally. You go down, it's counting. First person goes first, second person goes second, third person goes third. I mean, it's really pretty simple.

[Sizzin]

I am so tired of these munis and the muni directors, also known as Tour pros. Also known as Tour. What are they called?

[Lunchbox]

Pro Shop, Pro Shop.

[Sizzin]

Well, no, they're the pros.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah, pros. And I'm just like, that's just weird. I mean, I don't. So I could come in 30 minutes and I could get ahead all these people? Well, you know, you just. It's just kind of how it flows. What? Whatever you're saying doesn't make sense. All right? Cool. I'm gonna go back outside. I'm just gonna say I don't really understand it. Thank you. I'll be right out there. I'd love to play, man. Just whenever. So I wait about 30 minutes, and they're the guy starter. Stressed out because the 11:20 tee time is not there yet. And there's two of them there, but the third one's not there, but the 11:40s there. So they're going to let the 11:40 go ahead of the 11:20, or they're going to force the 11:20 to go off, and their friend will just have to catch them.

[Sizzin]

So is there a Marshall as well?

[Lunchbox]

Yes.

[Sizzin]

Or is a starter the Marshall?

[Lunchbox]

The starter's the Marshall.

[Sizzin]

Okay.

[Lunchbox]

And there's just going back and forth, back and forth. I'm there 45 minutes, still putting. And I.

[Sizzin]

Brutal, dude. Putting is. Is the worst. Unless you're a putt putt. Well, I can't even bring myself to do the practice putting. If you do, you're a loser. I'm sorry. Unless you're on the PGA tour. It's just such a lose. It's so boring. So boring. It's the worst thing on the go. I'll chip. I'll just sit there and stare at birds before I just practice putting.

[Lunchbox]

Well, after about 30 minutes of practice putting, I just finally started staring at the birds.

[Sizzin]

The worst.

[Lunchbox]

I finally started staring at the birds, man. I was just like, I do not know what to do. Like, I am so bored. I just want to play golf because Harry's on hole number three already when he got here after me. And I specifically hurried into the clubhouse so I would be in front of him because I saw the guy pull in.

[Sizzin]

What was that? He knew the guy.

[Lunchbox]

I don't know. I still. I wish I could have talked to Harry after the round. Be like, hey, man, like, did you give them a $10 tip or something? How did you get ahead of me?

[Sizzin]

It has to be around me. Good old boys club.

[Lunchbox]

I know a lot of the munis are good old boys clubs.

[Sizzin]

My cousin can get any tee time. He can jump on any course. You can bring any booze he wants.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah. So I'm like, all right, cool. And then so I go back in there, and I just look at the list, and I'm like, two down, right? Gosh, man, I'm never gonna get on. And I'm saying, I got all day, but I've been waiting 40 minutes. I should have. Now in my head, I'm like, I made a bad decision. I should have gone to the course north of town where there was a tee time available and just played that course. I would have been on right when I got there. Yeah. But I'm okay, because my name, my new name is Mr. Patience. I'm going to be patient, okay? And finally, I look at the list. I'm like, all right. And they get on the microphone. Young single, Young single to the clubhouse. And Young is right above me. And I'm like, dang it. Dang it. And then the lady chimes in from the pork missiles who's. She's grilling them. She goes, I think he's the one that left. I'm pretty sure he left.

[Sizzin]

She's. She's got so little on her plate. She's also got her hand in the list.

[Lunchbox]

She's going to chime in with who should get to go and who doesn't get to go.

[Sizzin]

If I'm Port missile Patty, I'm just chilling at the port missiles and watching the tv.

[Lunchbox]

I am trying to have no stress. I don't need to get involved in other drama.

[Sizzin]

I don't care who's on the list. Like, if you ask me about a guest on the Bobby, you don't know. I'm not security.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah. So then they get on there and they go, gibble. Oh, that's me right here, man. Oh, okay. There you go. Yeah, you're going to be playing with Charlie. All right? Just tell the starter you're with Charlie. Okay, cool, man. It says your tee time is going to be 12:10. Cool. All right, man. So I go back outside and I'm waiting around, and then he walks up and he goes, hey, Patterson. Four Patterson for you guys are the 12:30 tee time. Well, let's just go ahead and send you off now. I'm like, whoa, whoa, wait, What?

[Sizzin]

Wait, you were called up.

[Lunchbox]

I'm 1210. They're 1230. Why are we sending them all?

[Sizzin]

Dude, you're messing now. Over an hour of just standing there.

[Lunchbox]

Well, I did putt for a little bit. And I'm like, what? Yeah, why don't you guys just go ahead and go now? I'm like, well, that doesn't make sense. Like, they just skipped me. Now another tee time is skipped.

[Sizzin]

This is why I hate golf. That the fun of golf, when you hit it pure. And this. This is why I'll never go to a course again.

[Lunchbox]

And I'm just like, okay, I'm not going to get annoyed. And then he tells another tee time. Hey, you guys are 1240. All right? You're just going to. You're going to go to the box after them.

[Sizzin]

What about you?

[Lunchbox]

And I walk up and I show him my receipt. I said, hey, man, I got 12, 10. Like, why? They're. They're going ahead of me. And he goes, yeah, if they're three and foursomes, we're just setting them off.

[Sizzin]

Shotgun.

[Lunchbox]

What? What if they're three and foursomes? You're just sitting them off like, okay. And he goes, you might want to go check with the clubhouse to see if you're still good for that tea time.

[Sizzin]

Wait, so you're just standing there and people are just going in front of you?

[Lunchbox]

Yes.

[Sizzin]

Then the marshals holding you up, though.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah,

[Sizzin]

dude. You can't go back to the clubhouse, though. That dude hates you.

[Lunchbox]

Oh, no. I put my tail between my legs, I walk back into the clubhouse, I sit, and then he goes, what can I do for you, sir? And I was like, yeah, yeah, you

[Sizzin]

just saw me at last. 45 minutes.

[Lunchbox]

You just checked me in 15 minutes ago, and you have on my. My Receipt. You wrote 1210 in Sharpie. And I showed it to the marshal down there, the starter, and he said, I don't know. I need to go check with the clubhouse and see if I'm still good for that tee time. And he goes, yeah, you're still good. Just tell him you're gonna play with Charlie.

[Sizzin]

So now you're relaying that message.

[Lunchbox]

So I go back down there, and he goes, hey, man, I. I'm supposed to play with Charlie. He goes, okay, yeah, we'll get you off here in about 20.

[Sizzin]

What?

[Lunchbox]

So then I'm like, no, I'm just gonna walk down to the tee. So I just go get in line at the tee box. I'm like, I'm. No one else is skipping me. I'm not doing this. I'm not. I. I don't know who Charlie is. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I don't know what we're doing here.

[Sizzin]

Does the Marshall have a gun?

[Lunchbox]

Does not have a gun, but he has a red flag on his cart. And I'm walking, like, because it's a beautiful day. I'm a walk the course. Here comes this older gentleman in a golf cart, and he gets out. And I was like, hey, man, you Charlie? And he goes, yeah. So while I'm playing with you, he

[Sizzin]

goes, okay, Great personality.

[Lunchbox]

Cool man. He starts talking to Marshall, their friends.

[Sizzin]

Oh, how you been? How's the old lady? I've been retired now for five years. Still collecting on that Roth, Ira.

[Lunchbox]

And Charlie looks at me, goes, guess how old I am.

[Sizzin]

I don't know, don't care.

[Lunchbox]

I, I, I don't know. He goes, now give it an honest guess.

[Sizzin]

What are you, a woman? 70? I don't know.

[Lunchbox]

I was like. I was like, all right, 71. And he goes, add 17 years to that. Great.

[Sizzin]

You're 88. Couldn't have told, dude.

[Lunchbox]

The fact that he was 88 and he was moving the way he was, I was like, okay, I'm super impressed with you, Charlie.

[Sizzin]

Okay, so it's worth doing that.

[Lunchbox]

Like, I'm like, the guessing game. Like, I. At first I was really annoyed, and I've been annoyed because what has happened? Trying to get a tee time, trying to get on the number one tee box. But that, like him moving around and swinging a golf club at 88. I was like, damn impressive, Charlie, whatever you're doing, whatever you're eating your diet, can you please fill me in on it?

[Sizzin]

That tells us we can play this game till we're 88.

[Lunchbox]

Then his. Another guy comes up, and the Marshall goes, oh, man, watch him. He's like a scratch golfer. I'm like, oh, great, man. Right? Just. Just what I want. I want to play with scratch golfer to make me feel really good about myself.

[Sizzin]

Old scratchy at the Muni. Sure, yeah.

[Lunchbox]

And then another one of their buddies comes up just off a plane from Orlando. He got in at 5am he was there for work, and so his back's really tight, and he's like, man, I just straight from the car to the T. Don't know if that's really a good idea. And he's trying to stretch it out, and we play, and it's great. Really nice guys. Charlie, the old guy, he's not really talkative to me, you know, it's cool, and I'm not playing very well. Very frustrating. Don't know what's wrong with my golf game. After whooping batter's boxes, rear end last weekend, I was not hitting it. Well, let's just put it this way. One hole, I hit it to the right and then duff it, then hit it to the right of the green, then chip it over the green, into the sand, out of the sand, back over the green. They packed up their clubs and walked to the next tee box.

[Sizzin]

Oh, they left you?

[Lunchbox]

They left me.

[Sizzin]

That's too sloppy for them, I guess.

[Lunchbox]

So they weren't gonna wait for me to finish the hole, I guess.

[Sizzin]

That's awkward.

[Lunchbox]

It was so awkward.

[Sizzin]

And you paid. You don't want to pick up your ball.

[Lunchbox]

Oh, I'm not picking up. Hey. But then I'm feeling the rush. Like, oh, my God, I gotta hurry and catch up with him.

[Sizzin]

But when you're hitting it over the green and stuff, I mean, you just can't do that, dude. I mean, I can't sun JM it off the grandstand and use it as a backstop.

[Lunchbox]

That was awesome. And then it came back.

[Sizzin]

But it came back in the sand.

[Lunchbox]

But literally, I hit it to the right and hit on the side of the, like, hill and bounced over the cart pass. So I chip it. And I. I mean, chip it more like freaking bladed across the green into the sand. All right. Hit it out of the sand. Get too much of the ball over the green.

[Sizzin]

Okay. Yeah, I would have picked up. You got to like, I'm sorry.

[Lunchbox]

And that's at the point they leave. They leave. They say, we're out. They are out. So I go back over and I'm like, man, I gotta hurry. Chip straight over the green. Oh, my gosh.

[Sizzin]

What'd you get, a snowman?

[Lunchbox]

I got a nine. I got a nine. So then I chip it up and I two putt it, and then I go to the next tee box. And one guy was playing the whites, One the Charlie was playing the reds, and me, another guy were playing the blues. And because it was only 6400 yards, it was really short. If you play the whites, it's a shorter. And so I step up to the blue, and the guy goes, oh, oh, sorry about that. The guy in front of me goes, I forgot. I forgot. I didn't realize you hadn't teed off yet. What do you mean? You don't realize that and teed off left. You left me at the other freaking green, man. You know, I haven't teed off.

[Sizzin]

You left me in the dust.

[Lunchbox]

You tried to ditch me. You tried to say. You looked at your friends and said, guys, if we hurry, we ain't got to play with this jackass anymore more.

[Sizzin]

Please tell me you had a decent tee shot, because if you went left or right, it's so awkward.

[Lunchbox]

No, I hit it so high in the air. Brought rain.

[Sizzin]

Oh, it's a pop up.

[Lunchbox]

We went about 100 yards.

[Sizzin]

These dudes are about to kill you.

[Lunchbox]

They were ready to kill me, man.

[Sizzin]

See, and then you're rushing yourself.

[Lunchbox]

You didn't work on your game. It was. It was a bad day at the muny, man. See, shot that 101. It was awful. That was tough. Yeah, we got to take a break. But yeah man. Hey, that's my day at the golf course and we'll be right back.

[Public Investing Advertiser]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc, SEC Registered Advisor. Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures [e-mail] Disclosures

[Kal Penn]

hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary, Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah dude, me too.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Hearsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Inner Balance Advertiser]

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[Sizzin]

all right, man, you want ordering a pizza?

[Lunchbox]

I'd love to hear ordering some pizza, man.

[Sizzin]

So baser's out. It's mother's day, so I guess the present to my mother in law is me just not being around.

[Lunchbox]

What do you mean baser's out?

[Sizzin]

She's with her mom and dad at their house.

[Lunchbox]

You don't go hang out?

[Sizzin]

No, they just wanted. She. I was actually planning their trip and then her mom kids around and says, no, no, no. I go, hey, when do you want me to bring you lunch over? And she goes, he's not seriously coming, is he? She's being funny, but she's not a big time people person. She loves my company, but I don't think she wants me to come chill on the couch manspreading for five hours.

[Lunchbox]

Okay.

[Sizzin]

So my gift to her is I'm just not there. So I'm starving. There's no food at the crib. I'm going to order some pizzas. So I call the pizza and pub and I go, hey, how's it going?

[Lunchbox]

Yep.

[Sizzin]

Ray. Yeah, I'm gonna get two small cheese pizzas and add jalapenos and extra cheese.

[Lunchbox]

Did.

[Sizzin]

Did you get my order? Oh, let me see here. Did you say two pizzas? Yeah. Yep, two pizzas. Cheese, small and then jalapenos and extra cheese.

[Lunchbox]

Hold on. So you're ordering two of the exact same pizzas?

[Sizzin]

I just love how the crust is on the smalls. Once it gets to medium and large, it's thicker crust.

[Lunchbox]

Thank you. I was trying to figure out, I'm like the science behind that.

[Sizzin]

Yeah, it makes no sense, but I've gotten it to a science.

[Lunchbox]

Thank You.

[Sizzin]

All right, let's see here. We got two small cheese pizzas, extra cheese. Was there another ingredient on there? Third time I've said it. Yep, the jalapenos. All righty. Am I good? Let me just see one more time. So you got two small pizza. Cheese, Small pizzas. You got the jalapenos and you got the extra cheese.

[Lunchbox]

All right.

[Sizzin]

Will there be anything else?

[Lunchbox]

Nope.

[Sizzin]

Nope. All right, do you want any soda pop, any. Any extra sides or anything like that? Let's get some ranch on that. All right, so let's just go ahead and verify this order. Two small cheese pizzas, jalapenos and extra cheese. And now, was there another thing you wanted? Yep, just I don't know if you wanted me to add. Say it again. But the ranch, did you have that on there? Oh, the ranch. And the ranch. Okay, we got two small cheese pizzas, jalapenos, and the extra cheese on it. And then we got the ranch as the side. We'll have two of those for you.

[Lunchbox]

We got it.

[Sizzin]

We're on. Now do you want. Do you want some soda pop with that? Nope. Like I said, got stuff at the crib I can drink on, so. Yeah, just. Just those cheese pizzas. All right. You don't want any of our breadsticks? You don't want any of our little dessert options? All kinds? Nope, just those two small cheese pizzas.

[Lunchbox]

All right.

[Sizzin]

Am I good? Oh, I didn't even ask you. Are you eating it here or is that takeout or how is that coming there and taking it out? Why would I order a pizza and then come there and eat it? The are you talking about? Yeah, yeah, Yep. I will just be coming there and picking it up and heading out. Alrighty. Be 29. And it is going to be two small cheese pizzas, extra cheese, and the two ranches. Sir, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you say jalapenos. You're right. Jalapenos added as well. Two small cheese pizzas, jalapenos. And we got the extra cheese and those two things of ranch on there for you. All right, you're all set, 29. We will see you in about 15 minutes. All right, perfect. Thank you very much. Oh, hold on one second. Now, did you want those ranches in the box or separately? You know what, put them wherever the you want to put them. I've been on the phone for 15 minutes ordering these two cheese pizzas. I'm almost actually at your business. I'm gonna see you in person and I can Actually just tell you the order. Good gosh. Hallelujah. All right, you're all set. We will see you in 15 minutes. You'll actually see me in about a minute because I'm at your door right now. This is taking so long to come and get these cheese pizzas on my day off from my wife and mother in law. And I was gonna be by myself, but now I'll just sit in the parking lot because I mistimed it because you're so old and you're in the country. All right, we will see you in 15 minutes. Thanks for calling Pizza and Pub. Good.

[Lunchbox]

They get it right.

[Sizzin]

They got it right. They got it right. But I hope I did it justice. He repeated two small cheese pizzas six or seven times.

[Lunchbox]

That's incredible. He sounded just like him. I mean, I already know. I mean, I know when I call Pizza and pub, that is the exact guy I get. I totally, I totally get it.

[Sizzin]

If I had a dollar for every time he either forgot the jalapenos or the ranches. What is happening? Like the first time I say it, write it down. Even if you have to repeat it one more time. If you wrote it down, there's no reason, explainable explanation as to why you need to repeat to something to somebody on the phone that many times. He just didn't write it down. He was going from the noggin and the noggin wasn't there.

[Lunchbox]

It wasn't working, man.

[Sizzin]

Expect that to take a whole segment.

[Lunchbox]

I went to order pizza this weekend because the Astros, we were wrapping up our season. You know, the T ball, Titans of America, the Houston Astros. I wore that orange jersey proud all season long. And Saturday our game was at 2:25 and we were wrapping it up at 310 and to be followed immediately, immediately over at the playground with the team party. And I said, man, we are going to have pizzas and I would love all the families to stick around and come enjoy it and have some fun with each other. And so I went online and I tried to order some pizzas and it's like specialty pizza. Build your own. Like they don't just have a section where it's cheese pizza. Like I have to go in and click cheese. Do you want extra cheese? No. Why not just have one like cheese, pepperoni, sausage. And then you have your, you know, your basic pizzas and your specialties. It was so annoying. So then I get to the end,

[Sizzin]

okay, so you would just wanted three clicks, whereas this is making you click, click, click, click, click, click, click, for every pizza?

[Lunchbox]

Yeah. What sauce do you want? No, no, I just want the normal sauce. I just want to put just a cheese pizza. You know how you make a normal cheese pizza? Could I just click on cheese pizza? Three of them. Add to cart.

[Sizzin]

Got it.

[Lunchbox]

So I finally had to go build my own. And I do it, and I do pepperoni, I do cheese, and I do Hawaiian, right? So I get to my cart, and it says, four large pizzas, four large pepperoni pizzas, and two large Hawaiian pizzas. So the four up at the top, it doesn't say cheese. It just says four large pizzas. So I'm like, did I do it wrong? Because the picture has mushrooms and sausage. And I'm like, no, no, that's not what I want.

[Sizzin]

Please tell me the picture. So maybe it doesn't match up with what you actually ordered the other two did.

[Lunchbox]

And I was like, what in the world? And I was like, I'm just gonna take a chance. And I hit it, and I said, deliver it to the playground. And I gave him the address. And I was like, there's no way this is going to work.

[Sizzin]

Hey, man, did you order pizza to the playground? It's pretty rad. And I, bro.

[Lunchbox]

And we are in the last inning of T ball, and I look up, and the pizza has arrived. Good timing.

[Sizzin]

That's what's up.

[Lunchbox]

It showed up. One of the dads, who is a tall human, had all 10 pizzas stacked up under his chin.

[Sizzin]

He was needed to sop up that

[Lunchbox]

booze, and he was waddling over to the picnic table to set up for the team party. And the Astros partied like it was 1999, man. They partied hard.

[Sizzin]

Ten pizzas, though, made at the same time. How are they even able to do that with the.

[Lunchbox]

Dude, that is another great question. How do they make 10 pizzas all at the same time? I would imagine stay hot and get them to you. And how do you fit 10 pizzas in your car? That's a lot of pizzas.

[Sizzin]

That's a lot of pizzas. In their bigger boxes. I can. Yeah, sometimes you have two boxes. It's a little tough. But the oven, the fact that they can make 10 at the same time is pretty impressive. I figured they could only handle about

[Lunchbox]

four or five, and maybe they did five, and then they just stuck them in the heater, and then they did five, and they put them in the car and they brought them. I don't know how they did it, but the pizza was still hot. The pizza was good. The kids were Happy. The parents were happy. And I ordered 10 pizzas and we only had a pizza and a half left. So it was a good estimation because you don't want to be short on the team party.

[Sizzin]

Should have gone with six, seven, and

[Lunchbox]

no, that would have been not enough.

[Sizzin]

That had been one short.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah. And they had cook. People brought cookies, Those got devoured. They brought snacks by the birds and bums, Cheez its and all that. Those got destroyed. They brought juice boxes. Those got destroyed. And we wrapped up our season and we clapped it out and we said, have a great day, Astros. We'll see you next season.

[Sizzin]

Any of the parents sneak a couple of beers in the bottom of the cooler?

[Lunchbox]

Not that I saw.

[Sizzin]

Oh, son, don't dig that deep. Boxes are on the top.

[Lunchbox]

You know what they were drinking? Those dirty sodas that the Mormon wives have made popular. It's like a diet Dr. Pepper.

[Sizzin]

Yeah. And then cream.

[Lunchbox]

And then cream that you put in your coffee.

[Sizzin]

Yeah, because they don't drink, the Mormons.

[Lunchbox]

Correct.

[Sizzin]

They have all seven brews up by me. Or these caffeinated drinks with all kinds of different flavors and coffee. Those are popular now. So they get creative with their sodas and their coffees.

[Lunchbox]

Yes.

[Sizzin]

Actually, maybe they can't even have caffeine or coffee. They have to have caffeine.

[Lunchbox]

No, some of them don't do caffeine.

[Sizzin]

So they get all creative with their sodas.

[Lunchbox]

That's why they soda has caffeine.

[Sizzin]

Some of it doesn't caffeinate. Decaf.

[Lunchbox]

There's no decaf soda.

[Sizzin]

I don't know. There's decaf coffee.

[Lunchbox]

No, I. No, crap, I know that there's no decaf Dr. Pepper.

[Sizzin]

So then, yeah, I guess they can have. They can have a little bit of caffeinated, I guess.

[Lunchbox]

I don't know. But they were, hey, the women, they were loving. They're like, oh, my gosh, this is so good.

[Sizzin]

There might have been a little add on Captain in that one.

[Lunchbox]

Oh, they were saying, oh, you know what would taste good with this would be rum or this or that.

[Sizzin]

And Dodd would have put a Grand Monnier on top. Todd, how did you know that'd be good? Slater, you think I haven't had that before?

[Lunchbox]

We'll take a break. We'll be right back.

[Public Investing Advertiser]

Support for the show comes from public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto, and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI, it all starts with your prompt from renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index, and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor. Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures [e-mail] Disclosures

[Kal Penn]

hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's Audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo yo yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it was would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like yeah dude, me too.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Irsay the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Inner Balance Advertiser]

If you're feeling off fatigue, mood changes, skin shifts, yet your labs say everything's normal. You're not alone. Meet Oestra from Inner Balance, the first all in one prescription strength bioidentical hormone cream that's natural and effective and only takes one drop, 10 seconds a day. Oester replaces five to six products women typically use to treat symptoms and is third party tested to ensure the highest quality. Visit innerbalance.com today to start feeling like yourself again. That's innerbalance.com.

[Electric for All Advertiser]

you ever wonder how far an EV can take you on one charge? Well, most people drive about 40 miles a day, which means you can do all daily stuff no problem. Go to work, grab the kids at school, get the groceries and still have enough charge to visit your in laws in the next county. But they don't need to know that. And the best part, you won't have to buy gas at all. The way forward is electric. Explore EVs that fit your life at electric for all dot org.

[Lunchbox]

So baby box one had a game, you know, 12 o' clock game. And the coach says, hey, everybody, be there 11:30 so we can get some hitting practice in the batting cage. All right, man, we'll. We'll go ahead and do that. And we get there and the coach, I see him, he's in the batting cage and he's pitching to his kid, right? He's pitching and they're hitting, and they're pitching, they're hitting well.

[Sizzin]

And of course it's his kid, right?

[Lunchbox]

Well, we. They were the first ones there.

[Sizzin]

And I was just gonna say, of course their kid's gonna get the best stuff.

[Lunchbox]

And I'm like, I tell babe, box. I'm like, hey, hustle over the batting cage. You can be next. Hustle up. And because we parked out in center field, I was like, I'll be right there. And he was like, dad, they're not at the batting cage anymore. I'm like, what do you mean? And I walk around over there and I'm like, sure enough, they're not. The other team's in the batting cage. And I go up to the coach and I'm like, hey, man, like, I thought we were hitting in the batting cage. Goes, apparently that guy called dibs.

[Sizzin]

The old in person dibs.

[Lunchbox]

I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, yeah, I was in there. And he told me that he had it. He had dibs on it. I'm like, but you were in the batting cage, right? And he goes, yeah. And he just told me, hey, man, we had already called dibs on the batting cage, you know, so I had to get out. And I'm like, no, no, no, you didn't have to get out. You. You. You were already in there. You could have said, hey, well, when we're done, you can use it. And he goes, no, apparently he said that there was. There's a dibs. Like, he called dibs, so they get to use it.

[Sizzin]

Dibs on drinking fountain.

[Lunchbox]

And I'm like, okay, well, then you should have said, I've got, We've got dibs on scoring runs. They're not allowed to score runs. He goes, he goes, I'm going to let it go, but I'm just ready to kick their ass.

[Sizzin]

Coach called dibs in the parking lot. They have the batting cage. What?

[Lunchbox]

I just have never heard of another team being able to call dibs on the batting cage. If you're in the batting cage, you don't have to get out. Like, they can't walk up to you and be like, hey man, you weren't here and you couldn't hear me. And I didn't tell you this, but I called dibs. I told my kid on the way to the game, hey, we got dibs on the batting cage. So that. That holds true.

[Sizzin]

I wonder when he called dibs.

[Lunchbox]

That's what I'm saying. Like, who did he call dibs to if he didn't say it to our coach? If we're already in the batting cage, how did he call dibs? Is there a sign up sheet that we don't know about? Maybe there is. Maybe there's something I'm missing. Maybe this is back to the same thing at the golf, that maybe there's the good old boys club where he knows somebody and they, he, he says, hey man, if you just tell him that the league president told you, you guys get the batting cage. So we didn't get the batting cage at all? No, he used the batting cage and he went through his whole team. Who wants to hit more? And I'm like, no, no, no, you shouldn't hit more. Once you've gone through the whole lineup, get the hell out of there.

[Sizzin]

So what were your kids doing the whole time?

[Lunchbox]

Playing hide and go seek in the woods.

[Sizzin]

That'll get them ready for the baseball.

[Lunchbox]

Hide and go seek. And they were hiding behind trash cans and because there's houses right by it, so they run and hide across the street behind the trash cans.

[Sizzin]

See, my dad would have pitched to our team, then pitched to the other team.

[Lunchbox]

See, that's a nice guy.

[Sizzin]

Yeah. All these fights that probably potentially could have happened growing up, I never knew about them because I was a kid. Like, your kids will never know about this, right? Could have been a pretty intense situation.

[Lunchbox]

It could have been.

[Sizzin]

Hey, dibs.

[Lunchbox]

Huh? Like, it just seems crazy. It's not even like. And see, here's the thing. They're only seven. Six. Seven years old. So it's not like it's a big major game. Like, it's not like we're playing for a world championship, but to get in a fight over it would have been a little crazy.

[Sizzin]

Well, for you to be the Mr. Confrontation, you didn't go up and say when did you call dibs? I'm just curious.

[Lunchbox]

No, I'm not a coach.

[Sizzin]

I know. But out of curiosity's sake, I would have loved to laugh to myself if he goes, yeah, there's a voicemail line and I called at 6am and as long as you say on the line, dibs, Frank. Then you get the batting cage. There's there get the any municipal batting cage you get that day. I would love to know where he called dibs.

[Lunchbox]

I would love to know also because you have.

[Sizzin]

It has to be a legitimate way. You're calling dibs. You can't just call it to thin air. So like, did he call another coach?

[Lunchbox]

Hey, hey, Frank.

[Sizzin]

Hey, Mike. Yup. Dibs. Just if anybody asked dibs.

[Lunchbox]

You're not playing us. I know, dude, but I just wanted someone to know that I said dibs. So when we get to this field that we can have the batting cage. Thank you very much.

[Sizzin]

Yeah, I told my wife last night at 7:20. Dibs. And then your coach apparently told his wife at like 8:20. So out dibs. John. That one.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah. He's laying in bed. Hey, honey, I got dibs. Well, no crap, you're married to me. No, no, I'm talking about the batting cage. I'm not talking about your, you know, I'm talking about the batting cage. Oh, okay, good. I'll write it down so we know tomorrow we show up, we have dibs.

[Sizzin]

Dude, I wish I was on this coaching staff. I'd have been like, where'd you call dibs at? How did not one of you say that?

[Lunchbox]

No, no, I wasn't there when it went down. I showed up after the dibs had already been transpired and they were already in the middle of the batting cage. So I still ask him at that point. Here's the thing. At seven years old, it's not worth the confrontation of causing uproar at the Little League. You don't want to. You know what I mean? You're trying to keep it fun and enjoyable for the kids. If you see let they see you getting upset and they see the aggression and the frustration, then it makes it awkward at the Little League.

[Sizzin]

I'm trying to not carry out the segment. But him calling dibs is one thing.

[Lunchbox]

Correct.

[Sizzin]

But then you guys not asking who'd you call dibs to Is a completely other thing. That Is equally as confusing. I know you have to say, oh, cool. How did you call dibs? You tell your mailman. Who did you yell dibs to? Do you have proof of this? Where's your receipts? I know he called dibs to who? You gotta call it to somebody. It's like dibs on the front seat.

[Lunchbox]

I know. You gotta call shotgun.

[Sizzin]

Shotgun. Dibs. All right, guys, we got six ice cream cones left. Dibs. Who did he call dibs to?

[Lunchbox]

I don't know, but our coach was very like, oh, well, he respected the dibs. No, no. Why not? Sure why he folded to the dibs when he was not in on the dibs conversation, but he did fold. And so we called dibs on that W and we whooped that ass.

[Sizzin]

Oh, really?

[Lunchbox]

Whoop that ass, dude.

[Sizzin]

Handshake line. Hey, dibs.

[Lunchbox]

Dibs, dude. How about those? Dibs.

[Sizzin]

Hey, coach. Dibs on the win, huh? Have a good one, dude.

[Lunchbox]

Hey, you have dibs on that vacation, man. Dibs on that vacation. Your season's over.

[Sizzin]

Heading to Cancun.

[Lunchbox]

Oh, man, it was great, dude. They won, baby. Box. Rich one right down, third baseline. That first inning, maybe the second inning. I don't know when he hit, but

[Sizzin]

yeah, I should have picked him on Beat the Streak.

[Lunchbox]

You should have. He was great.

[Sizzin]

Instead we had Yorvin Alvarez. No hits.

[Lunchbox]

Jordan. Yeah, Struggle. He's on my fantasy team. He's a keeper. We'll take a break.

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[Kal Penn]

hey everyone, it's Kal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah dude, me too.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Hearsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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[Lunchbox]

We'll take a break. We'll be right back. We got time for one more. We got to go.

[Sizzin]

We do. And on Fridays I just titled everything. I said hey, we had a heck of a week of shows. We mailed this one in and I think that maybe carried over into today. I think we mailed this one In.

[Lunchbox]

No, we didn't, dude, cuz I got a. I got a story. I was at physical therapy.

[Sizzin]

If we have two straight episodes mailed in, not good for the race.

[Lunchbox]

No, no, dude, this. What do you mean? The golf course story was amazing. Your pizza story, amazing. The batting cage battle, that was amazing.

[Sizzin]

I feel like I should have had the guy say now jalapenos a couple more times. I don't think I did it justice. How many times he repeated the most simple order in the history of pizza making. Cheese pizza, extra cheese, jalapenos, ranch. Over you, over.

[Lunchbox]

Dude, I've been going to physical therapy for my little stomach issue. You know, it's really annoying. It's stupid. I don't know if it's working, but.

[Sizzin]

Titans doctor.

[Lunchbox]

No, I haven't known. That's not the Titans doctor. This is physical. This is physical therapy. And I'm. There's mostly women in there that are, you know, in their 50s, 60s, that are having, you know, pelvic floor issues, pregnant women. But I guess there was this one dude, he was in there on Thursday and it was his last physical therapy session. Like, he's done. He's out. Like, he's graduating, he's healthy, he can go out in the world on his own. And I have never seen someone try to flirt and try to hook up with the physical therapist as hard as this dude did. And him not get the hint that they were not interested in your chili, man. He was like. They were talking. He was like, oh, because I guess there's some workout class. He's like, are you guys gonna go to that workout class tonight? I'm thinking about signing up.

[Sizzin]

You think he was single?

[Lunchbox]

Yeah, or he was cheating. I think he was single.

[Sizzin]

Some of these variables nowadays, you never know.

[Lunchbox]

And he's. They're like, no, I'm probably. He goes like, oh, come on, it'd be great if we were in the class together. They're like, oh, I don't think I'm going tonight. You know, I gotta do this. He's like, oh, you haven't been in like a month. I haven't seen you in there in a month. It's like, okay. Awkward. And then they start talking. The three physical therapists, they're all female. And one of them's like, man, I've always wanted to go to steeplechase. And she's like, we should do that one year. We should do that. And here comes Broski. Well, we got a spot.

[Sizzin]

Well, how did you say age?

[Lunchbox]

He's probably 28.

[Sizzin]

I was thinking, like, 68.

[Lunchbox]

No.

[Sizzin]

Okay.

[Lunchbox]

He's like, hey, we got. We got a spot. You guys can pull up. Well, you're welcome to come hang out at our tent this weekend.

[Sizzin]

So you got some lookers at these PT classes.

[Lunchbox]

And he's in there, like, are you sure? Oh, my. We would love to have you at our tent. You know, we. We got. We got extra room. You guys want to pull up? We. I mean, it's right on the infield. It's going to be an absolute blast. It's so fun. It's me and my boys, and we. Listen, we'll get you in.

[Sizzin]

We had infield passes.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah. And they're like, I don't know. Oh, dude. He's like, come on. Come on.

[Sizzin]

Just.

[Lunchbox]

Here, like, I'll give you my number, and you can just pull up the steeplechase. I mean, you guys said you want. You've always wanted to go wear a little dress. And they're like, I just don't know if I can go this weekend. He's like, oh, come on. I'd really like to see you at steeplechase.

[Sizzin]

No, he's trying to get him in one of those little spring dresses.

[Lunchbox]

I understand, but they're like, I don't know. You know, I'm pretty busy on Saturday. I was just saying, like, in the future, I'd like to go. And he goes, well, the future is this weekend, and I've got a spot in the infield. It's me and, like, 10 of my buddies.

[Sizzin]

What is he, a used car salesman?

[Lunchbox]

That he is so trying so hard.

[Sizzin]

Like, they don't want to go.

[Lunchbox]

I'm like, they don't? No, no. I'm like, they want to go, but they don't want to go with you. You are not the prize. They don't. They want to go work out, but they don't want to go to the workout class with you, man.

[Sizzin]

That guy couldn't sell ice to an Eskimo.

[Lunchbox]

They. They want to go to the ste. But they don't want to go with you. I mean, he tried for his entire hour session.

[Sizzin]

That guy couldn't sell a drink to a drunk on Broadway, dude. That guy couldn't sell Arch Burger to a person in line at McDonald's. That guy couldn't sell window cleaning to a skyscraper. That guy couldn't sell soccer tickets to a soccer fan. That guy couldn't sell.

[Lunchbox]

You're starting to mail it in $2

[Sizzin]

gas to anybody in America right now. That's what we want, dude.

[Lunchbox]

It was an hour long of him trying to convince them to go to the workout class. Then he gave up on that. And then for the last.

[Sizzin]

When is he gonna leave?

[Lunchbox]

It's. It's an hour long session.

[Sizzin]

Oh, this is painful. Of him. Cold calling.

[Lunchbox]

The 20 minutes was the workout class. Then when they. They started talking about steeplechase, he spent 40 minutes on them going to steeplechase with him.

[Sizzin]

And how many chicks are the birds? Are there?

[Lunchbox]

3.

[Sizzin]

He can't get one bite.

[Lunchbox]

Not one. And they're just like, oh, that sounds fun. But I don't know. He's like, oh, it's gonna be a blast. He goes. And looking at the weather, it's going to be amazing out there. The tent, it's an atmosphere you've never experienced.

[Sizzin]

See, he thought he's going to take advantage of it now that the pelvic floor is fixed.

[Lunchbox]

Whatever he was rehabbing, he was. He thought they wanted to come and give him special attention outside the clinic. And I. It made me realize, I bet you that clients hit on these chicks all the time. Right? They have to. Have to. But. And then at the end, this is icing on top. He's like, well, you guys think about it here. I'll write my number on this post it and if you guys are going to pull up, you let me know and you can come to our tent.

[Sizzin]

If I'm. You just take the post it crumpled up and throw in the trash can. Don't even subject these ladies to that.

[Lunchbox]

So he. Because he was out by. He was by the front and he wrote it on a post it. He goes, look, I'm a stick it right here on the keyboard. And he stuck it on the keyboard of the computer so they couldn't miss it. He goes. He goes, all right, I hope to see you guys on Saturday. Really. Thank you guys for the physical therapy. I feel so much better. And don't forget, steeplechase on Saturday. And he walked out.

[Sizzin]

You look over at him. Nobody's calling that number.

[Lunchbox]

Don't.

[Sizzin]

I'm saying

[Lunchbox]

no. I looked at him, I said, hey, you mind if I get that number? It was, it was so awkward, dude. It was. It was just like these girls were trying so nice.

[Sizzin]

Yeah. Because it's.

[Lunchbox]

And he just was not. No, man, it's so much fun. It's me and my buddies and, you know, we got this. Oh my God, for an hour, dude. Or 40 minutes. I heard about Steel Chase, him and his buddies in the infield and how great it was going to be. It was a hell of a weekend.

[Sizzin]

Man, it was nice, though, sun wise.

[Lunchbox]

Oh, man, it's beautiful.

[Sizzin]

Well, we didn't leave the country. We had steaks, we had pizza. We had our friend Jess pull up. She's got a golf cart. She just rolls up right in the backyard in the grass, and the golf cart doesn't even have to walk anymore.

[Lunchbox]

Clubs.

[Sizzin]

No, no, no. Clubs included. I. I live in a golf cart community, not on a golf course. Everybody just drives their golf carts around.

[Lunchbox]

I got a question. When did this become a thing?

[Sizzin]

I don't know. Is it yours, too?

[Lunchbox]

I'm gonna tell you what. This weekend. I. I swear to you. It was this weekend walking the dog. Me and my. One of my kids, we saw three different golf carts. And I was like, when did this happen? Yeah, like, when all of a sudden, did people buy golf carts just to drive around the neighborhood?

[Sizzin]

Oh, don't worry, Bazer. It would be so fun if we got one.

[Lunchbox]

Oh, my God.

[Sizzin]

Like, what do you mean? Like, so say I take the night off from drinking, and then you're just gonna drink some margaritas. I'm gonna drive you for what? Two loops around the neighborhood, and then we just pull back inside the garage and charge it. The one cool thing I've seen is Jess rolled up in our backyard in her golf cart. That was cool, because then she's able to go to her mom's house because she can cut through our yard and go to her mom's duplex. That is the one reason to get a golf cart. These people that just do loops around my neighborhood, they've lost it. How is that fun? Oh, look at that yard. Oh, my gosh. Sarah planted her flowers. Oh, they're blooming. We're just gonna do a double loop on a Friday night. And you have a margarita while I'm your dd.

[Lunchbox]

I'll pass.

[Sizzin]

Oh, make sure you charge it. Great. Glad we got it. I'll park both cars outside so both of them can get wet. Golf cart can stay inside, though.

[Lunchbox]

Got to keep that golf cart out of the sun. Don't want it to fade, you know what I mean?

[Sizzin]

Hey, did you charge the golf cart? There we go.

[Lunchbox]

Dude, it's a thing. I don't know. And it was just like. I was like, this happened overnight.

[Sizzin]

Oh, and Jess said she only paid 10,000 for hers.

[Lunchbox]

Only? Jesus.

[Sizzin]

Like, if we're getting one, it's gonna barely be hanging on with the smallest lithium charge you've ever seen. I'm not spending 10,000 on not even an actual vehicle. I would say my car's worth 2,000.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah.

[Sizzin]

Oh, that was a good purchase, Jess. Oh, 10,000. You just couple loops around the neighborhood, carry your dog.

[Lunchbox]

Can you drive it down 65? No. Oh, okay.

[Sizzin]

Can you carry anything with it? Nope.

[Lunchbox]

No, no. Can you pull something? No, no, no.

[Sizzin]

So it just goes, like, 10 miles an hour and just, like, around the neighborhood, and that's it. Yep, yep, yep. Can you dig anything with it? Can you.

[Lunchbox]

Can you take it to the beach?

[Sizzin]

Pull anything out of the ground with it? So it just is just a. Moves you around the neighborhood instead of

[Lunchbox]

running it instead of walking the neighborhood. Wow. So you save a whole three minutes.

[Sizzin]

Oh, can all five of us fit on there? Oh, only two.

[Lunchbox]

Got it. Yeah. Dang. And I worth 10,000. Hey, have a great Monday, guys. We're out.

[Sizzin]

Jess was pretty funny. I was in my backswing, chipping off the deck, and she goes, hey, you want me to go get all your balls? But she's gonna go in her golf.

[Lunchbox]

Oh, she drove out and got him,

[Sizzin]

and she was gonna drive out in her golf cart and collect my balls at the pitching green.

[Lunchbox]

That's actually not bad.

[Sizzin]

I was like, maybe we need to get a golf cart.

[Lunchbox]

That's actually. That's actually worth it, dude. So you don't have to walk the 100 yards. That's. That's probably worth it.

[Sizzin]

Worth 115 yards.

[Lunchbox]

Oh, sorry.

[Sizzin]

That was the joke. She was gonna drive 15 yards and just grab them.

[Lunchbox]

Probably worth it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What a Monday. We didn't even talk about Bravo and Rossini today, man.

[Sizzin]

We'll see you guys later. I gotta go.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah. Yeah. See ya.

[Sizzin]

See you, truckers.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah. Did you see that, man? No.

[Sizzin]

I gotta go, though.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah, I know. Let's go.

[Sizzin]

Yeah, traffic's getting bad. I gotta commute.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah, let's go.

[Sizzin]

I could see it building right now. A lot of golf carts out there.

[Lunchbox]

Yeah.

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[Lunchbox]

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[Lunchbox]

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[Lunchbox]

We can't wait to meet you.

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[Kal Penn]

Hey, everyone, it's Kel Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast, Hearsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode I know nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to earsay the Audible and iheart Audiobook Club on the iheartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Electric for All Advertiser]

You ever wonder how far an EV can take you on one charge? Well, most people drive about 40 miles a day, which means you can do all daily stuff no problem. Go to work, grab the kids at school, get the groceries and still have enough charge to visit your in laws in the next county. But they don't need to know that. And the best part? You won't have to buy gas at all. The way forward is electric. Explore EVs that fit your life at electricforall.org

[Inner Balance Advertiser]

if you're feeling off fatigue, mood changes, skin shifts, yet your labs say everything's normal. You're not alone. Meet Oestra from Inner Balance, the first all in one prescription strength bioidentical hormone cream that's natural and effective and only takes one drop, 10 seconds a day. Oester replaces five to six products women typically use to treat symptoms and is third party tested to ensure the highest quality. Visit innerbalance.com today to start feeling like yourself again. That's innerbalance.com this is an I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed human.