The Lies Women Believe About Their Bodies Part 2: “I’m the Only One Struggling Like This” (Outweigh)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bobby Bones Show Episode: The Lies Women Believe About Their Bodies Part 2: “I’m the Only One Struggling Like This”
Host: Premiere Networks
Release Date: February 8, 2025

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Introduction

In the second installment of their four-part series, The Bobby Bones Show delves deeper into the pervasive misconceptions women hold about their bodies. Titled “I’m the Only One Struggling Like This,” Amy and co-host Leanne Ellington explore the isolating lies that exacerbate body image and eating struggles. This episode aims to dismantle the belief that women are alone in their battles, fostering a sense of community and understanding.

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The Common Lie: "I’m the Only One Struggling Like This"

Amy opens the discussion by highlighting the central lie addressed in this episode: “I am the only one who feels this way or struggles like this.” She emphasizes the deceptive nature of this belief, explaining how it perpetuates feelings of isolation and inadequacy.

“So today's lie we're focusing on, I am the only one who feels this way or struggles like this. So that lie is you're alone in your food and body struggles and no one else can possibly understand.”
— Amy [02:50]

Shared Experiences and Understanding

Both Amy and Leanne affirm that the feeling of being alone in one’s struggles is unfounded. They discuss how societal pressures and lack of open conversations contribute to this misconception.

“You are not alone. And we do understand.”
— Amy [03:34]

Leanne echoes this sentiment, sharing her own journey and the commonality of these experiences among women.

“I know that we are the exception, the crazy one. And the reason that is is because of the shame. And this is also a problem that tends to live in secrecy.”
— Leanne Ellington [03:34]

The Role of Shame and Secrecy

The hosts delve into the root causes of the lie, attributing it largely to shame and the secrecy surrounding disordered eating and body image issues. They discuss how societal norms discourage women from openly discussing their struggles, leading to internalized shame and isolation.

“It's not like people are out there on social media being like, hey, this is what I struggle with. It's actually the opposite. What we're seeing modeled is, you know, a place where people are sharing their highlight reels and all of that.”
— Leanne Ellington [04:17]

Impact of Misconceptions and Societal Messages

Amy and Leanne examine how societal messages often trivialize or misunderstand the complexities of eating disorders and body image issues. They critique the oversimplification of these struggles as mere lack of willpower or self-control.

“If you're overeating, just stop. Just don't. Like, it was something that, again, our brain was kind of outvoting our experiences.”
— Leanne Ellington [04:17]

This misrepresentation contributes to the internalized belief that their struggles are unique and unmanageable, further isolating them.

Personal Anecdotes: Feeling Different from Others

Amy shares personal stories that illustrate the pervasive feeling of being alone in her struggles. She recounts memories of college days where she envied her roommate’s ability to control her eating habits, reinforcing her belief that she was the only one with such difficulties.

“I kind of thought, I'm the only one that can't, you know, sit there with a bag of food shut in the driver's seat and wait till I get home.”
— Amy [05:02]

Leanne adds her perspective, describing the intense compulsion and lack of agency she felt during her peak struggles.

“When I say this out loud to somebody who's never experienced that, right. They would never. It's like if I skin my knee, okay, I know the specific pain of skinning my knee, right?”
— Leanne Ellington [07:42]

Breaking the Silence: Encouraging Open Conversations

Both hosts advocate for breaking the silence surrounding these issues. They stress the importance of sharing personal stories to combat shame and foster a supportive community.

“The more you talk about your story, the less shame that you will have attached to it. And then you could be impacting somebody else that needs to hear that they're not alone.”
— Amy [10:36]

Leanne emphasizes that sharing recovery stories can provide hope and demonstrate that healing is possible.

“There's actual stories and testimonies of people going through their own healing. And they don't sugarcoat it. They share the good, the bad, the ugly, the things that, you know, that was keeping them up at night.”
— Leanne Ellington [13:08]

The Outweigh Movement: Building a Supportive Community

Amy and Leanne discuss the origins and growth of their platform, Outweigh, which aims to create a supportive environment for individuals struggling with disordered eating and body image issues.

“The tagline for Outweigh is a life without disordered eating outweighs everything.”
— Amy [10:36]

They highlight how Outweigh has evolved from a four-part series to a regular podcast that features expert insights and personal testimonies, fostering a sense of community and shared understanding.

“We have experts join us, doctors. It was just supposed to be a four part series that lived on the Four Things podcast. That's it. And now here we are five years later and every Saturday putting up an episode.”
— Amy [10:59]

Practical Advice: Opening Up and Seeking Support

The hosts provide practical advice for listeners who may feel isolated in their struggles. They encourage reaching out to trusted individuals and engaging in supportive communities, whether publicly or within smaller circles.

“If you're feeling alone, I challenge you to open up to somebody because you never know what conversations could come from that.”
— Amy [10:36]

Leanne supplements this by explaining how sharing stories of recovery can be a powerful tool for healing and reducing shame.

“They share it without shame. And I really think it's just a testament to show what's possible.”
— Leanne Ellington [13:08]

Conclusion: Emphasizing Community and Compassion

In wrapping up the episode, Amy and Leanne reiterate the importance of recognizing that struggling with body image and eating habits is not a personal failing but a common human experience. They advocate for compassion towards oneself and others, and for building communities where these struggles can be openly discussed and addressed.

“You don't have to live in secrecy. Cause you're not alone. And this is an epidemic, so to speak, that plagues millions and millions and millions of women.”
— Leanne Ellington [05:56]

“What Outweigh is about is separating from the noise. The noise is not, and it's not your noise.”
— Amy [10:59]

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Key Takeaways

1. Combatting Isolation: The belief that one is alone in their struggles with body image and eating is a harmful lie that perpetuates shame and isolation.
2. Breaking the Silence: Open conversations and sharing personal stories are crucial steps in reducing stigma and fostering a supportive community.
3. Understanding and Compassion: Recognizing that these struggles are not personal failings but complex issues influenced by societal pressures and internalized shame can lead to greater self-compassion.
4. Supporting Recovery: Community platforms like Outweigh play a vital role in providing resources, expert insights, and personal testimonies that support healing and recovery.

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Notable Quotes

• Amy [02:50]: “So today's lie we're focusing on, I am the only one who feels this way or struggles like this. So that lie is you're alone in your food and body struggles and no one else can possibly understand.”
• Leanne Ellington [03:34]: “I know that we are the exception, the crazy one. And the reason that is is because of the shame.”
• Amy [05:02]: “I kind of thought, I'm the only one that can't, you know, sit there with a bag of food shut in the driver's seat and wait till I get home.”
• Leanne Ellington [07:42]: “When I say this out loud to somebody who's never experienced that, right. They would never.”
• Amy [10:36]: “The more you talk about your story, the less shame that you will have attached to it.”
• Leanne Ellington [13:08]: “They share it without shame. And I really think it's just a testament to show what's possible.”

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Final Thoughts

This episode of The Bobby Bones Show serves as a compassionate and insightful exploration of the lies that contribute to women feeling isolated in their body and food struggles. Through personal anecdotes, expert insights, and a strong emphasis on community, Amy and Leanne Ellington provide listeners with both understanding and actionable steps to overcome these pervasive misconceptions. By fostering open dialogue and sharing recovery stories, they aim to dismantle the harmful belief of isolation, replacing it with a powerful sense of solidarity and support.

Transcript

[Alec Baldwin]

Hey, it's Alec Baldwin. This season on my podcast, here's the Thing, I speak with musician, photographer, and philanthropist Julian Lennon.

[Julian Lennon]

One of the really important things that happened to me with photography was I would have people write to me, people that couldn't financially afford to travel the world. And what they had all said to me is that you bring these stories to us, you bring the truth, you bring cultures that we would never necessarily know anything about.

[Alec Baldwin]

Listen to the new season of here's the thing on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Mary Kay McBrayer]

I'm Mary Kay McBrayer, host of the podcast the Greatest True Crime Stories Ever Told, where I dig into crimes where a woman is not just a victim. She might be the detective, the lawyer, the witness, the coroner, the criminal, or some mix of those roles, because these are the stories we need to know to understand the intersection of society and justice and the workings of the human psyche. Listen to the greatest true crime stories ever told, starting on February 11th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Jon Stewart]

Jon Stewart is back at the Daily show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with the Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed, listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[A.J. Jacobs]

Dressing. Dressing.

[Amy]

Oh, French dressing.

[A.J. Jacobs]

Exactly.

[Jon Stewart]

That's good.

[A.J. Jacobs]

I'm A.J. jacobs, and my current obsession is puzzles. And that has given to my podcast the Puzzler.

[Alec Baldwin]

Something about Mary Poppins?

[A.J. Jacobs]

Exactly.

[Jon Stewart]

This is fun.

[A.J. Jacobs]

You can get your daily puzzle nuggets delivered straight to your ears. Listen to the Puzzler every day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Leanne Ellington]

I won't let my body outweigh? Outweigh everything that I made I won't spend my life trying to change I'm learning to love who I am I feel free I know every part of me is beautiful And I will always outweigh if you feel it put your hands in the air show some love to the mirror While you're there let's take it one day at a time? Cause you and I outweigh.

[Amy]

Happy Saturday, Outweigh. Amy. Here I've got my co host Leanne Ellington by my side. We're continuing our series, the Lies Women Believe about Their Bodies. Last week was part one of this four part series. The lie is I will be happy when. And you fill in the blank. That's a lie. Because a lot of times it's like you get there and you're like, oh, shoot, I'm not as happy as I thought I was going to be. So today's lie we're focusing on, I am the only one who feels this way or struggles like this. So that lie is you're alone in your food and body struggles and no one else can possibly understand. And Leanne and I can both sit here and say, you are not alone. And we do understand.

[Leanne Ellington]

Yeah. And it's like, I mean, I know that I understood logically. I'm like, yeah, I know other people get it, but like, really, do they? Do they get it to this extent? And the number one thing I hear from women is that they think that they are absolutely broken, that the way that their brain is working is actually on the crazy side. Like, crazy is a word that they think or that they, that I hear a lot. And I felt that too. And it's one thing to know that people, you know, struggle with food or struggle with whatever, but I think we all think that we are the exception, the crazy one. And the reason that is is because of the shame. And this is also a problem that tends to live in secrecy. Right. It's not like people are out there on social media being like, hey, this is what I struggle with. It's actually the opposite. What we're seeing modeled is, you know, a place where people are sharing their highlight reels and all of that. And nowadays, thankfully, you know, disordered eating and the self image and body image that comes alongside that and compulsive overeating and all of these things. Eating disorders is a lot more talked, but it's also still, to the, to an extent, not really talked about. And it hasn't been necessarily normalized. And I think especially the disordered eating side of it, I know for me, I was falling through the cracks because I didn't at certain times fit into a category of an eating disorder. And a lot of specialists and therapists didn't necessarily know how to help me or support me. And so I think it's hard to know that other people are struggling the way that we are, but that's also where our self image is doing the lying. Right? And so it's like, yes, in fact, we have a struggle that if There is shame involved, and it keeps us in secrecy, and we're not talking about it. We're not, you know, sharing it with others. We're. We're trying to deal with it ourselves. We're trying to, like, almost DIY you heal ourselves in a lot of ways. And then on top of that, you see people that are like, I have it all together and just eat these macros and prep this meals and do this workout, and it'll all be great, and it's just a matter of willpower and do it, just do it. And then you also. I know for me, I heard a lot of messages when I was growing up that it's like, well, if you're overeating, just stop. Just don't. Like, it was something that, again, our brain was kind of outvoting our experiences. And so for somebody who feels like that, where you've been to doctors or you've been to whatever, and they're like, just do this. If you want it badly enough, you will. So there's those. Those messages of air quotes, influence that are the kind of, like, kind of bro y, like, harsh, like, just do it, you know, whatever. Mixed with that, it's like, no wonder we feel like a failure. No wonder we feel like we're the only one who struggles like this, because this is what we're seeing. And that's where I want to show you that that's alternate reality, and that's what perpetuates the lie.

[Amy]

Well, and depending on who you're around, like your roommate situation, your mom, your. Your sister, like, my sister never had any food or body image issues. So I would look at her and be like, why can't I just be like her when it comes to food or thinking of my college roommates, we would go pick up food, like, from a drive through, and they would just let it sit in the car until they got home, and then they would put on a plate and eat it. And I thought of this recently because on the Bobby Bones show, we got a call from a listener that was saying, her husband thinks it's so weird that she always likes to eat her to go food in the car. Like, she doesn't wait till she gets home, but she's like, I want to eat it hot when it's good, ready to go. And my husband just thinks that's so weird. I was instantly reminded of my college days when I was so jealous of my roommate that could go pick up food and not immediately start devouring it. Now, this caller was just like a Silly difference between her and her husband. It wasn't even related to an eating disorder. But I was so obsessed with food that I didn't have the self control to let it sit there and wait to get home and sit down and eat it properly. Not that eating in your car is not proper. I mean, there's times we're eating on the go. That's not what I'm talking about. It's literally, you're down the street, you go pick up to go food and you could wait three minutes, but I couldn't. And I always thought, why can my roommate or how can she wait? She's not like. And I would go. Sometimes I go to multiple drive throughs depending on where I was in my disordered behavior. And so I kind of thought, I'm the only one that can't, you know, sit there with a bag of food shut in the driver's seat and wait till I get home. And that's just a very teeny, tiny example of how you can feel very alone in your behavior depending on who you're surrounded by.

[Leanne Ellington]

Yeah, absolutely. And you know, when, when I know a lot of us listening can, can relate to this when you actually feel like a compulsive, almost addict, right? You feel like there's this monster that comes out where it's like I. And you hear about people that can keep, you know, M&Ms. In their cabinet and not eat the whole bag or just, you know, cut off a piece of a brownie and not eat the rest. To me, when I was at the height of it, I did not have that, that, you know, agency over my brain. It was really like there was very long term fired and wired experiences where it really was this kind of Hyde personality. And when you, when I, when I say this out loud to somebody who's never experienced that, right? They would never. It's like if I skin my knee, okay, I know the specific pain of skinning my knee, right? But if I burn my hand on the stove, if I've never skinned my knee, I wouldn't know what that feels like. And I couldn't compare the two pains, right? So for somebody who's never experienced what, you know, any type of disorder in their head, heart, mind, spirit, they wouldn't know how to support somebody getting the help that they need for a problem that they've never had and that they don't know how to solve. And it's hard to have that empathy. You can meet somebody who has a ton of empathy and a ton of compassion and like Even my husband, like he's married to somebody who I help. I, I'm in this world every single day. I'm working with people all the time. He knows I am living my, I'm in the recovery life, you know, and he gets it to the extent that he can and he really does seek to understand it. But even he, living with me, cannot understand a problem that he's never had, right? Where he was the skinny kid who always just wanted to put on muscle, right? And it's just like, and he eats, you know, 12,000 bazillion calories a day and loses weight. Like yeah, he's that guy and I love him for it. But I'm also just like, ok, that was not my story. But who am I to make my story mean that I'm broken, that I'm. That there's something wrong with me, that the, what I learned was a shameful thing. And here's what I also just want to leave you with, okay? If you walk away from this episode and you hear one thing or you remember one thing, who you are or what you're struggling with right now is not just not your fault, it's just a product of what you learned, right? You literally just learned certain ways of being and thinking. And it probably started with a restriction based mindset that led you to your body, your brain taking over and old survival circuits, thinking that you were starving and one day started just like, essentially like hoarding food. And it became a pattern and your brain just stayed accidentally stuck in this like overdrive mode essentially. And you just have been practicing that, right? And so if you struggle with this, it's just a product of cause and effect, not this like personal flaw or failing on you. And I really want you to separate like your brain and what your brain is doing from like you as the human, the soul, the woman that just needs love and compassion and knowing that what she's doing and who she's being is not shameful. And you don't have to live in secrecy. Cause you're not alone. And this is a, you know, an epidemic, so to speak, that plagues millions and millions and millions of women. And so you are so not alone. And I really just want you to get that this is not a personal failing.

[Amy]

Sharing stories is why we started out ways so that people wouldn't feel alone. And the tagline for out way is a life without disordered eating outweighs everything. And when I first came up with the idea for Outweigh, I remember exactly where I was, what I Was feeling called my friend Lisa Haim, registered dietitian. She had a whole program called Fork the Noise. Because that's what's going on in your brain. You have to separate from the noise. The noise is not.

[Leanne Ellington]

And it's not your noise.

[Amy]

Exactly. So that's what Outway is about. And we had everyday people on sharing their stories, we had experts join us, doctors. It was just supposed to be a four part series that lived on the Four Things podcast. That's it. And now here we are five years later and every Saturday putting up an episode. And I'm very thankful for Leanne joining the Outway movement and being a part of offering insight and wisdom and healing to so many of you. Because I know what it's like to feel alone and so does Leanne. And thankfully the last several years, like Leanne was talking about, more and more people are opening up and sharing their stories. So hopefully we feel less alone and there's more ways to get content. You may not be someone that wants to share their story online, publicly to other people and that's okay. You don't. That's not what vulnerability means. However, if you can find someone, you can open up to a confident. The more you talk about your story, the less shame that you will have attached to it. And then you could be impacting somebody else that needs to hear that they're not alone. Again, this doesn't have to be in a public way. It can be in your small circle, it could be in a support group, it could be. There's a lot of different ways that this can show up. But I just want to say that if you're feeling alone, I challenge you to open up to somebody because you never know what conversations could come from that. And if you have ADHD like I do, and sometimes in social situations, you just start spilling your guts to strangers and you're like, shoot, why didn't I just do that? That's okay. Sometimes you might find yourself spilling your whole eating disorder or your, you know, your body image issues, you know, out at a public event. And then you just go home and you think about that over and until you can't fall asleep and then it ruins your night. But I'm here to say if you can practice talking about it in a safe way. I think talking can be so therapeutic and healing and it can take you into conversations with people. You know, you never know what they may share with you and then boom, in that instant you are not alone. And then they're not alone either. So just wanted to Kind of close with that and how outlay started and where we are now.

[Leanne Ellington]

Yeah. And just one quick thing. That's why we also started sharing stories of recovery on out way. So if you look over the past few months, there's actual stories and testimonies of people going through their own healing. And they don't sugarcoat it. They share the good, the bad, the ugly, the things that, you know, that was keeping them up at night. And they share it without shame. And I really think it's just a testament to show what's possible. They can now talk about what used to be really shameful. Just as data. Just as like, this was my story, this was my testimony, this was something that I needed to heal and I went and healed it. So just want to share that as well.

[Amy]

And Leanne has these testimonies from people that have done stressless eating with her and been on that journey. And so that's another place where you can find Leanne's. We'll wrap with that information and socials.

[Leanne Ellington]

Yeah. So if you want to learn, just kind of peel back the curtain of how I the process I take my clients through to rewire their own brain and really, you know, the circuitry, but also the self image and the stories and the beliefs. You can head on over to stressless eating.com and I just peel back the.

[Amy]

Curtain over there and then on socials. Iannelington.

[Leanne Ellington]

I'm leannellington. Yep.

[Amy]

And I am Radioamy. We'll see you all next time. Bye Bye.

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[Leanne Ellington]

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[Julian Lennon]

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[Leanne Ellington]

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[Alec Baldwin]

Hey, it's Alec Baldwin. This season on my podcast, here's the thing, I speak with musician, photographer and philanthropist Julian Lennon.

[Julian Lennon]

One of the really important things that happened to me with photography was I would have people write to me, people that couldn't financially afford to travel the world. And what they had all said to me is that you bring these stories to us. You bring the truth, you bring cultures that we would never necessarily know anything about.

[Alec Baldwin]

Listen to the new season of here's the thing on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Mary Kay McBrayer]

I'm Mary Kay McBrayer, host of the podcast the Greatest True Crime Stories Ever Told, where I dig into crimes where a woman is not just a victim. She might be the detective, the lawyer, the witness, the coroner, the criminal, or some mix of those roles. Because these are the stories we need to know to understand the intersection of society, justice and the workings of the human psyche. Listen to the Greatest True Crime Stories Ever told starting on February 11th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Jon Stewart]

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on the Daily show and in your ears with the Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.