3 to a Match with Greg Stone & Ari Shaffir

Summary

Title: Detailed Summary of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Episode: 3 to a Match with Greg Stone & Ari Shaffir
Release Date: January 30, 2025

---

Introduction

In the third episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, the hosts welcome comedians Greg Stone and Ari Shaffir for an evening of candid humor and engaging discussions. The episode delves into various topics ranging from the nuances of stand-up comedy and the challenges of maintaining authenticity to light-hearted banter about personal habits and family life.

---

Comedic Identities and Authenticity

Greg Stone opens up about his journey in comedy, reflecting on the advice he received early in his career. He shares an anecdote about his decision to embrace his authentic self over adopting a stereotypical Italian persona, a choice he humorously refers to as a "stupid mistake."

• Quote:
  Greg Stone [05:18]: "I went with Stone, and I was like, I'll try to be who I really am and not a fucking stereotype. And what a stupid fucking mistake."

Big Jay Okerson and Greg Stone discuss the tension between being true to oneself and the commercial pressures to conform to audience expectations. They ponder whether maintaining a level of mystery by staying off social media could be beneficial for their careers.

• Quote:
  Big Jay Okerson [11:26]: "I think that if you get off all of them [social media], club owners can't look. So they won't know."

---

Social Media’s Impact on Comedians

The conversation shifts to the role of social media in a comedian's career. Greg Stone expresses a desire to limit his online presence to preserve his creative process and personal privacy, while Big Jay Okerson considers the potential benefits of reducing visibility to avoid overexposure.

---

Personal Anecdotes and Stand-Up Challenges

Greg Stone shares a memorable story from his early days in stand-up, involving living arrangements that included roommates with autism. He humorously recounts the challenges and unexpected situations that arose, highlighting the importance of empathy and adaptability in both comedy and life.

• Quote:
  Greg Stone [33:31]: "I lived in the house and I got free rent. I was going to college."

Big Jay Okerson adds his own experiences from working in an ER, intertwining them with comedic elements that underscore the unpredictable nature of both professions.

---

Humorous Takes on Daily Life and Hygiene

A light-hearted segment ensues where the hosts and Ari Shaffir joke about personal hygiene habits, particularly the use of cologne. They playfully critique each other's choices, leading to a broader discussion about social norms and personal preferences.

• Quote:
  Greg Stone [09:00]: "If it's not too much for Ari's nose, it's not too much."

---

Comedy Writing and Audience Interaction

The duo delves into the mechanics of joke writing and audience engagement. They exchange tips on crafting punchlines and handling crowd reactions, emphasizing the delicate balance between delivering humor and reading the room.

• Quote:
  Big Jay Okerson [15:27]: "I get a counter. I want 50. How are we going on. Where are we going on this show?"

---

Conspiracy Theories and Historical Events

In a surprising twist, Greg Stone and Robert Kelly venture into humorous discussions about conspiracy theories surrounding the JFK assassination. They blend factual skepticism with comedic speculation, poking fun at how such theories are often treated in popular discourse.

• Quote:
  Greg Stone [43:33]: "I heard you, Marilyn, you piece of."

---

Conclusion and Upcoming Events

As the episode winds down, Greg Stone and Big Jay Okerson promote their upcoming shows and specials. They encourage listeners to attend their live performances, highlighting tour dates and locations to foster a sense of community and anticipation among fans.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Greg Stone [05:18]: "I went with Stone, and I was like, I'll try to be who I really am and not a fucking stereotype. And what a stupid fucking mistake."

• Big Jay Okerson [11:26]: "I think that if you get off all of them [social media], club owners can't look. So they won't know."

• Greg Stone [33:31]: "I lived in the house and I got free rent. I was going to college."

• Greg Stone [09:00]: "If it's not too much for Ari's nose, it's not too much."

• Greg Stone [43:33]: "I heard you, Marilyn, you piece of."

---

Insights and Conclusions

Episode 3 of The Bonfire offers a rich tapestry of humor interwoven with genuine reflections on the art of comedy and the lives of stand-up comedians. Through engaging storytelling and sharp wit, Big Jay Oakerson, Robert Kelly, Greg Stone, and Ari Shaffir provide listeners with both laughter and thoughtful insights into maintaining authenticity in a competitive industry. The episode underscores the importance of personal integrity, the impact of social media, and the timeless value of connecting with audiences through shared human experiences.

---

Stay Tuned: Don't miss out on future episodes every Monday through Thursday at 5pm Eastern/2pm Pacific on SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts for ad-free listening and early access to new episodes!

Transcript

[Spectrum Business]

Spectrum Business knows that small business owners put in the work. It's unlimited hours, unlimited effort, and unlimited passion, all to unlock the unlimited potential of your business. Get fast reliable Internet, advanced wi fi with security shield and an unlimited mobile line, all only $49.99 a month. Learn how Spectrum Business can connect your business to unlimited [e-mail] business. It's your business made limitless. That's life Unlimited. That's Spectrum Business. Restrictions apply. Often not available in all areas.

[High Five Casino]

High Five Casino, everybody. High Five Casino lets you play your favorite slot in live table games like blackjack, with the chance to redeem for real cash prizes.

[Greg Stone]

High Five Casino has a giant selection of over 1200 games, including hundreds of exclusive games only found on High Five Casino. It's always free to play and free coins are given out every four hours.

[Big J Okerson]

Ooh.

[High Five Casino]

Are you ready to have your own high five moment? Well, visit high five casino.com that's high five, the number five casino dot com. No purchase necessary. Void were prohibited by law. Must be 21 years or older. Terms and conditions apply.

[Big J Okerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Greg Stone]

My favorite. My favorite Beastie Boy song. I mean, not for nothing, I'll toot my horns as nobody in here is. I mean, I'm. I'm coming in. I'm coming in. Smoke hot on these songs. I mean, Christine's not gonna compliment me, but Lou, I mean, I'm coming in on perfect. Nailed it, dog. I mean, big boy Jay. Really? Obi Wan. Obi Wan Kenobi Jay would be proud. I think I'm gonna give myself a pivot for that for three shows in a row. Coming in. How's that? I like that. That's right. Christine's fucking buying a purse on the Internet. What are you doing?

[Christine]

I'm trying to find.

[Robert Kelly]

Greg's.

[Christine]

Twitter's not popping up for me to tag. And I'm like, are you not on Twitter?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm off Twitter.

[Greg Stone]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I'm off Twitter.

[Greg Stone]

Speaking of that, I have a very good friend of mine in here. I love him to death. He's hilarious. He's got a special nobody. Nobody.

[Big J Okerson]

Nobody.

[Greg Stone]

Which is sad. It's very sad. Why nobody?

[Big J Okerson]

Because you didn't want to pay for the whole thing.

[Greg Stone]

Nice.

[Christine]

It is.

[Greg Stone]

Greg Stone is in the house. He's got a podcast. Welcome to Talk Town. Available wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

And he's going to be at Grove 34 in Astoria Friday, January 24th. And all over the place. Go to his website, Greg Stone. Greg fstone.com and your last name is Nuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's Nuts.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it's a lot, a lot of, a lot of Italian. A lot of Z's, a lot of Ls.

[Greg Stone]

How can you say it?

[Big J Okerson]

Corazulo. Monty Parmesan.

[Greg Stone]

I mean, I don't even know how to spell it. Yeah, Monty Parmesan.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Carluzzo.

[Greg Stone]

Carluzzo.

[Big J Okerson]

But Stone's my mom's name.

[Greg Stone]

Why would you not go, Greg Carluzzo?

[Big J Okerson]

Because I'm a idiot.

[Greg Stone]

But then you could be up there going, you know when you come home and your mother's making.

[Big J Okerson]

So there's three reasons why my name is Stone and not Coraluzzo. There's three stories, but one of them is Anthony DeVito, my friend. The comedian.

[Greg Stone]

Yes. Great guy. Not that good looking, not very good. Good person though.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Physically I'd rather look at a, at a flaying face that was murdered by a dog.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, he would be good looking like the 20s. Like a good looking guy. But now not so much.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he's got a 20s body.

[Greg Stone]

As your grandmother would say. I'm not so much. Hang on one second. Go ahead. I ate a sandwich too fast and my stomach's going to be talking soon. So.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Love it.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah. God.

[Big J Okerson]

So DeVito, one day. So I'm. Is he. When I hear, we even hear coruso in this music, my accent comes back. This is, this is just, this isn't even how I usually talk, but this is happening now, dude.

[Greg Stone]

I'm an assimilator too, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Right? Just happy we are.

[Greg Stone]

You stop talking like that.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going to start talking like that here, New Jersey. We're back.

[Greg Stone]

No, we're back. You're sitting in your guest hosting on the bonfire.

[Big J Okerson]

Big, huge.

[Greg Stone]

On flames kid. On flames kid.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Hey, so I was Coro, Greg Coro. When I started come doing comedy, enjoying myself. I used to do this joke about like Jeet, right? Where it was like Italians talk where they just slow it down, you know? G, G, it's like, did you eat a whole joke? DeVito looks at me.

[Greg Stone]

I know what that is.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a whole thing.

[Greg Stone]

You'd be a millionaire right now.

[Big J Okerson]

I would be.

[Greg Stone]

You'd have a shirt called Jeek. That'd be your thing. That'd be your Sufi.

[Big J Okerson]

G, G, you gotta slow it down. Did you eat? Did you eat?

[Greg Stone]

Did you eat, G? I mean, I, I, we should steal that and make money now.

[Big J Okerson]

We can.

[Greg Stone]

Let's do it.

[Big J Okerson]

G. I'm sure every fucking New Jersey comic is already doing that bit, so who knows? So I'm doing that joke. I get off stage, DeVito looks at me and he goes, I just want you to know right now there's two ways you can go. You can be the New Jersey Italian comedian. Comedian. And make billions of dollars.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Or you can work harder and, you know, be yourself.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And I went with Stone, and I was like, I'll try to be who I really am and not a fucking stereotype. And what a stupid fucking mistake.

[Greg Stone]

That was the dumbest advice ever. I remember years ago, I did a character called Billy the Bass man on oh. And a. I should have fucking went full force into Billy. I should have bought overalls.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Greg Stone]

I should have bought a hat. And I said, where are we going? And I would have been me and you. We could have done the Jeep.

[Big J Okerson]

We still can.

[Greg Stone]

Where you going, Tor?

[Big J Okerson]

Mm.

[Greg Stone]

Let's do it.

[Big J Okerson]

Let me tell you my plan.

[Greg Stone]

We should try that. We should just lay into these other people. And what if it worked? What if we came.

[Big J Okerson]

It will. It will work. There's an easy. There's a door open for us, but yet we're running around looking to climb the fence. There is a gate that is open, and that is Greg Corzo coming back, talking about chicken cutlets, talking about these people. These.

[Greg Stone]

And I'm over going, yeah, these gays are getting crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

We could do a two man. You be on stage, and they go.

[Greg Stone]

Who are these people?

[Big J Okerson]

And you go, who are they?

[Greg Stone]

No, I don't. I'll be the. The. The. We switch every day.

[Big J Okerson]

You want to hillbilly?

[Greg Stone]

Yeah. My guy was Billy the Best man.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, my bad. So I have a plan, and maybe you want to fund this documentary.

[Greg Stone]

I mean, this is nuts.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm here to pitch.

[Greg Stone]

I just gave you some mics. Can we settle down?

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, I got with you. I need more money.

[Greg Stone]

All right. How much money? You know, I got it right in my pocket.

[Big J Okerson]

How much is. I don't even know how much this would cost. Probably 70 bucks.

[Greg Stone]

70 bucks. I'm in. All right, I'm in. I'm just 60.

[Robert Kelly]

60.

[Greg Stone]

Christine's gonna do the other 10, talk to Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

Can you cover me on five? Lose, lose. I'm gonna need five from each.

[Greg Stone]

Go ahead.

[Big J Okerson]

What I wanna do is we get some of my favorite comedians, Vecchion DeVito, the Italian comedians. We get them into a room, and I go, let's write the most Italian hacky jokes. We can. Not hacky. Original, but the best Italian jokes we can Right. Then I will memorize them. Wear my jumpsuit, gold chain. Become the character. Walk on stage, we film the special. Cut all the.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Be fucking rich.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And then we show the documentary. Go. It's all bullshit. It's always been bullshit.

[Greg Stone]

I'm already ahead of you. You're ahead of me, buddy. I wrote a 45 minute hour for Billy the Bass man. Clean, clean. Why are you here where I go? All my jokes at the end go. At the end go. Where are we going? Locked and fucking loaded.

[Big J Okerson]

I got a counter. I want 50. How are we going on. Where are we going on this show?

[Greg Stone]

Do we have a bell? Lou, you got one in your hands. Where? Oh, that's a. That's a. Is this a bell?

[Big J Okerson]

That's a cowbell.

[Greg Stone]

That's a cowbell.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know if I can. I'll do it.

[Greg Stone]

I'll use a cowbell.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll ring it.

[Greg Stone]

Go ahead.

[Big J Okerson]

You're the one who does it.

[Greg Stone]

I'll do it. You want to do it? I'll do it. You do it. All right, I'll do it.

[Big J Okerson]

Grow it.

[Greg Stone]

I'll do it.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, you do it.

[Greg Stone]

No, you do it.

[Big J Okerson]

Where we going? I did you eat jeet?

[Greg Stone]

That's two.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, wait, no, but you're doing what? Wait, what's your catchphrase again?

[Greg Stone]

Oh, where are we going? Where we go is mine not catchy?

[Big J Okerson]

It's very, very. And I love it.

[Greg Stone]

You gotta know, where are we going?

[Big J Okerson]

Can I also do it? I like where we're going more than.

[Greg Stone]

You want to do it your way.

[Big J Okerson]

You do where we go. We all do where we're going.

[Greg Stone]

All right. Where we going? Where we going right now? Because I'm lost. Jacob left the room. I mean, he.

[Big J Okerson]

Where's he going?

[Greg Stone]

I don't know. Oh, he did. We have another guest coming in.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, nice.

[Greg Stone]

We have. Well, let's make it a surprise.

[Big J Okerson]

Fun.

[Greg Stone]

I'm sure he's gonna come in last time. Hopefully not like last time. A maniac. Like a tornado.

[Christine]

I'm pretty sure Jacob's trying to find him somewhere right now because he's been here a little bit.

[Greg Stone]

He's been here a while.

[Christine]

Well, I mean, Jacob's been out of the room for a while.

[Greg Stone]

Oh, maybe he killed Jacob. Maybe they're making sweet love. Maybe they're lovers in the night.

[Big J Okerson]

That'd be nice.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

If they were kissing. Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah. If he had a. He had very tall. He'd have to bend down. He'd have to pick Jacob up and put him on Like a box. That would be little kisses.

[Big J Okerson]

What if he puts him in a.

[Greg Stone]

Little baby holder and keeps him in the front?

[Big J Okerson]

Keeps him in the front.

[Greg Stone]

There he is. Oh, everybody. The great Ari Shafir with a brand new special, America's Sweetheart. Streaming right now on you. No, Netflix. Sorry, that's. That's me.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah. No, you think of the one with more views.

[Greg Stone]

You made. You made the big time. You made the big. What's up, brother?

[Robert Kelly]

Nothing. I. Yeah, I just got off the phone with Netflix. I said, you sure we shouldn't have bought Rob Robert's special? I'm like, I'm sure and I stand by it.

[Greg Stone]

How's the special doing? Can you tell? Do they give you any algorithm?

[Robert Kelly]

No, they don't give shit. It's weird. It's such a weird, different connection than YouTube.

[Greg Stone]

Why don't they. But they know, right? They do have.

[Robert Kelly]

They'll give it. They give it to you after a couple weeks, I think.

[Greg Stone]

But they know.

[Robert Kelly]

They. They. Yeah, I think it's just like. They're not checking every day.

[Greg Stone]

Do you.

[Robert Kelly]

We got too many people asking. We'll check every two weeks for you.

[Greg Stone]

Is the rating still off? People can't rate it. Or can they rate your shit?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I know Schumer got it taken away because too much negative, like, hatred.

[Greg Stone]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

And I think mine. They might put it back on for the hatred. I don't know. No, you can't really see anything. No comments. It's different.

[Greg Stone]

It's weird, right? I mean, I kind of like it. What do you need the comments for?

[Robert Kelly]

That's fun to be like, I've never heard you before. This is great.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, it is.

[Robert Kelly]

Right there.

[Greg Stone]

But then you. You go. The problem with the comments is you're like, oh, you're great. I never heard. I'm so glad. This is the best special ever.

[Robert Kelly]

And then you're a. I thought you had more hair.

[Greg Stone]

You're a piece of. You're still fat.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

You're not Billy Burr.

[Robert Kelly]

That's right.

[Greg Stone]

How come you're not as good as the other comics from Boston?

[Robert Kelly]

I saw you at a restaurant once, and you're rude to me.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah. Your wife's a twat. Yeah. But you're not afraid of the comments. You like the comments. You don't seem. You're like me. You don't really like comments.

[Big J Okerson]

One comment will destroy my life. And it's not even that bad. It's like, this guy was Medium, and I'm like, I'll blow my fucking brains out.

[Greg Stone]

Medium hurts Worse than sucks.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I know it does. Because you can't beat medium every medium.

[Robert Kelly]

It's like you're not even trying to exaggerate, right? This is just your honest. It's like a three star Yelp.

[Big J Okerson]

This is how he felt.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. One star. You could be like, you're mad about something.

[Big J Okerson]

Right. This is something else.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Is that why you got off X?

[Big J Okerson]

No, I got. I'm trying to get off of all of social media, you know, that's not.

[Greg Stone]

Good for your career.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't care anymore. I think it. I have a. I have a theory.

[Robert Kelly]

What's your theory?

[Big J Okerson]

I think that if you get off, all of them club owners can't look. So they won't know.

[Robert Kelly]

They won't know what you're.

[Big J Okerson]

So they might be like, hey, I hear this guy on the radio all the time. He's got this special, he's probably doing amazing.

[Robert Kelly]

Pete Davidson don't have one.

[Big J Okerson]

Right? I don't. I think it could. The mystery might be more.

[Greg Stone]

But he doesn't. But no, because he had more. He got famous, Right. Had a big one and then left it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but if you don't have a lot of people, then it's the same difference.

[Greg Stone]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

They're going to be like, so you.

[Greg Stone]

Don'T want the club to see that. You put up a thing. Hey, I'm coming this weekend and there's four hearts.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. Right. They could put up the thing.

[Greg Stone]

Is there any more, anything more sad than when you put up something you think is going to really kick ass?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

And it's only like fucking five. People like it. And then you look to see, you have a scroll through, see if your friends like your stuff. And they never do.

[Robert Kelly]

They never do.

[Greg Stone]

There's always some open micr from Toronto.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. Why don't we do that?

[Greg Stone]

Why don't we? Why don't you. Why don't we like each other's shit more?

[Robert Kelly]

Because we don't like it.

[Greg Stone]

That's a good point.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, imagine 15 years ago, somebody's like, hey, I just got back from Toronto. Sold out. Saturday. We'll all be like, so. So what do you think? Like, what a crazy thing to say to us.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Not gonna be like, attaboy, get out. What world is that?

[Greg Stone]

I really do hate when comics have sold out shows and then they promote that it sold out. And you're like, you don't need to sell that one.

[Big J Okerson]

I know.

[Greg Stone]

Start promoting my show.

[Robert Kelly]

This is just to make us feel bad.

[Greg Stone]

This is to let me Know, I.

[Big J Okerson]

Never put, like, the things that are great about me on my social media. And I feel like maybe I should, you know, Every time it's like, hey, look, it's me sitting with Tom Holland. But I'm like, I just. Everything good to happen to me, it just goes on my phone. I don't really care. But these other guys, they're. They're getting the likes off the.

[Greg Stone]

You gotta.

[Big J Okerson]

You gotta jfl.

[Greg Stone]

You gotta just be that guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Got to be you.

[Greg Stone]

You got to be that guy if you're going to be the guy that I'm the. Everything is great. And you can't worry about what we're going to say behind your back.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Or to your face.

[Big J Okerson]

But I'm not that guy. And I think I'm okay with my career just floundering out.

[Greg Stone]

You like that?

[Robert Kelly]

I think you'll have more time to yourself.

[Big J Okerson]

Exactly. This is great. I love my kids. I think I have enough friends that they'll still have me on things. I just got to find money somewhere. That's fine.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Honestly, with the time you spent on social media, you could probably drive an Uber and make more money than you were making ticket sales.

[Big J Okerson]

It was taking the difference.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. The difference in time is ruining me.

[Big J Okerson]

I'd rather write. I'd rather spend time writing.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm a joke. Yeah. That's what you're doing. You can make a living, so make a living doing what you want.

[Greg Stone]

But why? Why are you gonna live in the most expensive city in the world then?

[Big J Okerson]

That's why. I don't.

[Greg Stone]

Where do you live?

[Big J Okerson]

I fucking moved to New Jersey like a week ago.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, what a back in your face comment that was.

[Big J Okerson]

You son of a bitch.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought I got. You and I were waiting for the trap. Conor McGregor counter punched.

[Greg Stone]

Well, Massapequa, is that a good town or a bad town?

[Robert Kelly]

I just made up my mind.

[Big J Okerson]

That is a great poll, but it is nowhere near. I live. I live near. Montclair is fancy as I love it.

[Greg Stone]

That's where all the cops go.

[Big J Okerson]

I gotta be honest. I don't love it. I miss Astoria. It was the best. Me and my wife are both just like, what the are we doing?

[Greg Stone]

Montclair is very hipstery like that too. It has all that. What are you about to do?

[Big J Okerson]

We're not in Montclair. We're just close to Montclair.

[Greg Stone]

Getting nervous when Ari stands up because usually pulls his wee wee out, Correct? Yes, it's correct. Before we got in here, I was very mad at Lou.

[Robert Kelly]

Which DJ Lou wasn't mad because of that mustache. Didn't even notice it. Wow. You look like an early villain in a horror movie. Like a teen horror movie, but not the main villain. Something that gets killed off kind of early.

[Greg Stone]

Kept adding details until he got a laugh. Loser.

[Robert Kelly]

That's a secret of these jokes, Bob. Just go on and on. You eventually something and then just keep going forward.

[Big J Okerson]

Somebody eventually.

[Greg Stone]

Like you're doing right now. No, because I walked in. I. I'm. I like a cologne. I like a. I like to smell good. I've always liked when a. You know, a man would come in the room and you could smell. I like that. So I have colognes. I. I like a bunch of different colognes. And every time I go out, I spray myself with a little cologne and I hate. I walk in and. What did you say to me? A little. It smells good, though. It's not like I smell like onions. I don't know why you'd have a problem with it. I think less. Less is more. Yeah. That's some horseshit.

[Robert Kelly]

There's. Let's learn a new word. Can you look up and put it on the screen? Cloying. C, L, O, Y, I, N, G. Definition. I think it fits here pretty well.

[Greg Stone]

I really hate when Ari lets us know that he's a smart Jew. He has parents that are still together that love him.

[Ari Shafir]

First word. Yes, absolutely right. The first two words.

[Greg Stone]

Excessively sweet, rich or sentimental, especially to a disgusting or sickening degree.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. It's good in small. In moderation. But then in A lot of.

[Greg Stone]

Joe flopped.

[Robert Kelly]

It sure did. That wasn't.

[Big J Okerson]

But we learned something.

[Greg Stone]

Why don't you add more details to that word?

[Robert Kelly]

I know a different definition.

[Greg Stone]

No, this. Just read a book with that word and it wanted to use it. You.

[Big J Okerson]

No, man. If. Look, if a joke bombs, at least we learn. Learn something. It's a tire. I'd rather learn something. I'm okay.

[Greg Stone]

I like a color. You don't wear cologne.

[Robert Kelly]

Get it off the screen. It's a failure.

[Greg Stone]

You don't wear cologne at all. Right.

[Robert Kelly]

You do a lot of garlic and curry. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

He smells a little BO Though. Turns women on, I've heard.

[Greg Stone]

No, it does a little bit.

[Big J Okerson]

No, they like the smell of them. It's right.

[Greg Stone]

Norton. You. Norton used to talk. He liked girls who smelled. Had a little smell. Little pungent.

[Robert Kelly]

But then he found out.

[Greg Stone]

That was a ball smell.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I just like a girl who dunks.

[Greg Stone]

I like a girl who edges in her pants all day. No, I. I hate.

[Robert Kelly]

She adjusts her.

[Greg Stone]

I Just hate when a. When a girl smells like BO it makes me throw up. I hate it. I don't like B.O. i hate it. Smells like onions.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

But I. But I was. I like a girl who smells. When a girl walks by and you smell it, it's like, oh, God, I want to follow her. Christine, you smell good all the time.

[Big J Okerson]

Thanks, Bobby.

[Greg Stone]

You always. You. What do you use with Gucci? Right? A little Gucci or Louis Vuitton?

[Christine]

Chanel.

[Greg Stone]

Chanel.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. She put.

[Greg Stone]

Now, see, she put me in my place. You have to use big words.

[Big J Okerson]

Either there's a perfume. There's a perfume that women wear. I don't know what it is, but I want to find out so I can get my wife to wear it. But there's no way, as a married man to ask woman be like, what are you wearing?

[Greg Stone]

You just walk up to them, sniff their neck, and go, what is that? They love that. Yeah, they do. Trust me. Try it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. Smell. And they go. This can go one of two ways.

[Christine]

You look like you have, like, dreads wound up on top of your head, and you have a hat over it right now.

[Robert Kelly]

And the. Whatever. Baba Baba Bob.

[Greg Stone]

I do like the smell of your cologne, though.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Greg Stone]

What is it?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, makeup call.

[Greg Stone]

It just too much. It's not a makeup call. It's not. There's no such thing as too much. There is. No, there is not. Jacob, is it too much for you?

[Ari Shafir]

It's too much.

[Robert Kelly]

I heard him. I heard him say.

[Greg Stone]

Let me ask you a question. Do you smell it right now with that nose when you came in?

[Robert Kelly]

I did not notice it. I'll be honest.

[Greg Stone]

If it's not too much for Ari's nose, it's not too much.

[Ari Shafir]

Okay. I guess it goes. When came in, it was strong.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

I don't smell.

[Robert Kelly]

You spritz it in the car, like, right before you got here?

[Greg Stone]

No, I didn't. I spritz it. I. I know how much to put on. By the time I get here, it will fade away for the night. But I like it to be on black, blue. Do you like the cologne?

[Big J Okerson]

I think it smells great. But I am a less is more guy. A little whiff for when a woman hugs you and she can smell it, and then she goes away and doesn't smell it anymore. That's what leaves. Yeah. It's like a treat when they get close, you know? I got a little something special for you. Get in here.

[Ari Shafir]

You treated all of us.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Excuse me.

[Ari Shafir]

You treated all.

[Greg Stone]

I did. And it smells fantastic. And you know, it's better than me smelling nothing.

[Ari Shafir]

Well, I mean, there's. There's in between. You don't have to. It's either BO or excessive cologne or nothing.

[Greg Stone]

I'd rather not be nothing. No offense against your special. I think it's fantastic. Your career choices are fantastic too. You should call your next album good. I like cologne. I like spraying it. I spray it on my wrists. I walk through it. I do the Jay does too. And I walk. Jay smells fantastic.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay always smells good. He also showers four times a day in the dark because of his shame. About the third and fourth time he's showering.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, but he's not. He's actually. He's gonna get my light that I have in my new shower.

[Robert Kelly]

Dim light.

[Greg Stone]

It has no. It has a speaker in the fan and the. The light changes to whatever you want it. Sunset. He could put on a rainbow. It can be like a rainbow. Whatever color you want. So it's a little dim light so you don't have to be naked anymore in the shower.

[Robert Kelly]

I got inventions. What do you think? It's a light in the bathroom and it dims as your dump is smellier. Smellier it is. The more dims, you don't have to see anything.

[Greg Stone]

So you're just gonna in the dark the whole time.

[Robert Kelly]

If you really got to change your.

[Big J Okerson]

Diet bad, it's teaching you a lesson.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Or it turns lights up so bright that it blinds you to be like, dude, get your together man.

[Robert Kelly]

Not bad.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what I mean?

[Greg Stone]

How about this? If I. We get a toilet that goes with that. If it's detects blood, it just starts shooting water water up your ass side.

[Robert Kelly]

Sideways angles.

[Greg Stone]

Sideways angles and inside.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Like maybe not just that one bidet angle. We get it all like a car wash. How's that a blood alert?

[Robert Kelly]

Solid. Good drop too.

[Greg Stone]

I like that.

[Robert Kelly]

I like that. Yeah, let's. Who knows someone who can invent anything?

[Greg Stone]

I do. I know Toto.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

What, the band?

[Greg Stone]

No, the Chinese guy. The Japanese guy who makes the toilets.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Mr. Toto.

[Greg Stone]

Mr. Toto.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. You got him on the horn.

[Greg Stone]

I love it. I. I got the new power flush.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Oh, my God. It changed my life. No more cutting up Max's poops. It goes like this.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

And it just sucks that big log right down the toilet. Power flush. I don't know why everybody should have a power flush.

[Big J Okerson]

You got a poop knife in the house?

[Greg Stone]

I used to have poop knives all the time. I used to save metal coat hangers.

[Robert Kelly]

And I. I would boarded your dumps. Who illegally aborted your dumps?

[Greg Stone]

No, I used to make them into a. Like, I would bend them into a handle and then take the hook and fold it into a little knife and.

[Big J Okerson]

I know you're doing.

[Greg Stone]

I would chop up Max's big dumps like carrots. How old's your kid?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know. Some. I got a one and a half and a three year old.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah boy, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Two boys.

[Greg Stone]

Two boys. Yeah. Dude. You're gonna. You know. Dude, if your two boys shit at the same time, you're fucked.

[Big J Okerson]

Now their poops are so hard, it's crazy. It drops your dunk. It's like a. It's like a giant. It's like a bowling ball.

[Greg Stone]

But when they get to be like nine, dude, and they're eating regular food all the time and they're snacking, the dumps come out. It's ridiculous. Yeah, but when you're a baby. I remember Max one time he. His shit was so hard that he was constipated and he would cry all the time. I went on the Internet and I found. I found like. It was in Russian.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

It was kind of grainy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

But this guy just took a baby and folded him the legs. He's like folded a baby to get the poop out. And me and we're at my mother's house, we took Max and we just folded his legs down.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

And I felt like I was gonna snap his neck and just shot out of his ass. A little hard pebble came out of his butt.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm pivot here.

[Greg Stone]

Then I talked to the doctor. He was like, don't ever do that again. Yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm a podcast host and I'm telling you, don't ever do that.

[Robert Kelly]

You treated him like a bottle of crust.

[Big J Okerson]

I got my dad for Christmas a leather sheath for his poop knife. And we engraved it. What he like a cowboy? Like a cowboy sheath that he could wear like if he was going to a knife fight in the old west.

[Robert Kelly]

Because he has a poop knife going to an outhouse.

[Big J Okerson]

And so we got him this really funny leather thing. It says poop knife on it too. Dad, we love you cut in piece.

[Greg Stone]

I want one.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I was like, we could make a million of these. Make up a ton of money.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't believe you guys both have poop knives. Well, because you thought it was only you thing. And then you're like, oh, yeah. How's your poop knife?

[Big J Okerson]

Sharpen it. I got a stone we sharpen it on.

[Greg Stone]

It's like his poop comes out, like, throw up. Yeah, it's like an Asian girl at a fucking nightclub at the end of the night.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah. And then there's blood. It's the worst. It's the worst blood he bleeds out of his asshole. Like. But he does it as a. Just like a normal thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's normal.

[Big J Okerson]

Bright red or dark.

[Greg Stone]

It is dark red. Like from his heart dark? Yeah, it's. It's. It's heart blood coming out of him.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, that's like a thing. Like, dark blood means it's been sitting there for a while. That's a problem.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's the other way around.

[Big J Okerson]

No, red blood is fresh and it's good.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, really?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Sometimes I get a little packet. It's like. It's like you fried up a little bit of ketchup on a grill. And as it, like, spun around, it, like it made a little pouch. But if you get blood out of your butt. Yeah, it's a little pouch. Is that what. And then when you squeeze it, it like, kind of pours out.

[Big J Okerson]

Squeeze it.

[Robert Kelly]

Shower. I'll go poop.

[Greg Stone]

Poop.

[Robert Kelly]

Shower a lot. And then when you're in the poop shower, you just wipe it all out in the shower. But then that's when you get that little. It's like a bag. You know what I'm talking about?

[Greg Stone]

No, we don't. Nobody knows what you're talking about, brother.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, okay. I mean, I just. No, I mean, I made it. I made it up like a.

[Greg Stone]

It's called. It's like a congealed.

[Robert Kelly]

It's like a little. Little bag. Like a little jelly.

[Ari Shafir]

Have you been to a proctologist?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I had a.

[Ari Shafir]

What do they tell you?

[Greg Stone]

He threw up?

[Robert Kelly]

They said it was hemorrhoids. Internal hemorrhoids.

[Ari Shafir]

So what do you do about it? He can perform surgery.

[Robert Kelly]

You can get him rubber band off, which is 98 effective.

[Greg Stone]

Let's do it. Let's do it right now.

[Robert Kelly]

There we go.

[Big J Okerson]

The elite.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. No, no, no. They did it for me. Fat doctor.

[Ari Shafir]

Who's a fat doctor, too?

[Robert Kelly]

Inside. You go in there, you tie Rubens around so it can't breathe. And then it's just like. You know, if you, like, go like this too long, you get purple.

[Greg Stone]

Your hemorrhoids breathe.

[Ari Shafir]

You have rubber bands in your. In your.

[Robert Kelly]

They're gone now. They're gone now. They're gone. Now them out. Once. Once the thing dies off, it just breaks off. Yeah, it Breaks off. So hold on to it.

[Greg Stone]

Maybe that was the little cluster, a roid popping off.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, it's been years. So.

[Greg Stone]

So your roids are so big, they can actually grab them, hold them, and then wrap a rubber band around them. Like a thumb?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. I never thought of it that way.

[Greg Stone]

How many did he wrap? How many rubber bands? Like, like a little girl, like, hair, Like.

[Robert Kelly]

Like a black chick on the stoop.

[Greg Stone]

Thanks for punching that one up for me. Now we' and the rubber bands just fall out of your butt?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I think I shit them out. I'm not. I'm not positive about that. But anyways, like, hey, it's still happening. Goes bad news. Then I did it. Right. So you're just that.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck his confidence.

[Ari Shafir]

It's your diet and you're pushing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I'm pushing.

[Ari Shafir]

Well, why stop?

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Ari Shafir]

Stop pushing.

[Greg Stone]

Why do you keep doing it?

[Robert Kelly]

Stop.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, I'm gonna wear less cologne. Just learn.

[Robert Kelly]

Sometimes it just comes out immediately. Just like. I'm like, go to take a dump. And I hear, right? And I'm like, that's not the first sound. You want out.

[Greg Stone]

What do you want out?

[Robert Kelly]

Not a dripping. You want a plunk.

[Greg Stone]

You want to plunk?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

You know what I really like when it makes no sound. It's like the perfect density that it just goes in like a little. Like a.

[Robert Kelly]

Like a.

[Greg Stone]

Like an Olympic diver.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

There's no splash. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

By the way, that's the last Olympic diver reference I know. Back in the 60s, right?

[Greg Stone]

It's so far back. I didn't get it. Yeah, I like. I like when they just. When you're like, did I go. And then you look, and there's a big one, and you're like, oh, my God. That's a perfect, perfect poop.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you ever call your wife? Like, how do you come in there and look at this thing? I know you had two kids, but look at this beauty right here.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

This is where the college money's going.

[Greg Stone]

That's what you don't call it. You just leave it. And then you hear, lay it up. Flush the toilet. I know, but look at it. Yeah, I know.

[Big J Okerson]

I want you to see it.

[Greg Stone]

I know. I'm gonna flush it in, but look at that.

[Robert Kelly]

I want you to see it. I didn't want to throw it out before you got here.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

I want to look at you. Awesome meatloaf, what it turned into. Do you ever walk in what you did? This is. This grosses me out. And we've had. I've had serious discussions with Don about this. When you poo, there can be nothing in there. I do not want to walk in and see a little mark or a little. And that goes for your period, too. I don't want to.

[Big J Okerson]

Why are you gonna me? I don't have a period.

[Greg Stone]

No, your wife does, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but you're staring at me when.

[Greg Stone]

Those little droplets or something, and it looks like somebody, like, broke a pen open and dropped drops into the. Yeah. I will leave dawn if I see poop marks. If I. I hate it. I don't want to know that she shits.

[Big J Okerson]

I worked in ER for six years. There's not a fucking thing my wife can show me that. I'm like, I'm. I'm like, show me your shits. I want to see your shits. I want to make sure you're healthy. Yeah, I love. I love a. There's nothing. I love it. I love it all. It doesn't turn me on, but I Like, she's weird. Like, she's like, you get out of the show. I gotta shit. I'm like, shit while I'm in the shower. I don't really care. Like, I don't. I smell things. I've seen it.

[Greg Stone]

You let your wife shit while you're in the shower?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I don't care. I come in. I come in when she's shitting and she's like, get out. I'm like, but I don't care. What doesn't bother me.

[Greg Stone]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

You can't even imagine a world where it would bother somebody. I know what you're thinking, but it doesn't bother me. You're like, what? What?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know. Like, it smells.

[Greg Stone]

Not brushing teeth.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it smells. That's one of the.

[Big J Okerson]

Mine smells. We all smell.

[Greg Stone]

But you don't want your. You don't want your wife. You know, I never want to see dawn with that face. Just.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that's good. I don't. I don't come unless she shows up. That's how I get going. Give me the face, baby. Yeah, I love it.

[Greg Stone]

I've never seen Don poo in. I don't know, what is it, 30 years, 20 something years? I've never seen it, and I never want to see it.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no. You got. You're missing pieces of your wife. This is a great piece of your wife. It's like you have black spots, you know, you got to see her poop face. That's how you know a real person. No, because I know she could be robbing you blind. You don't know. You've never seen a poop face.

[Greg Stone]

I know, I know, I know. At the end of my life, I'm probably gonna have to. One of us is gonna have to wipe the other one's.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

And I'll do. I'll do my time then.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Greg Stone]

I'm saving my time for the end when she's just in a bed and she's just lying there and I gotta roll her over. She doesn't get bed sores. And then she's just gonna shit her little evening gown.

[Big J Okerson]

I have, er, stories that would ruin your life.

[Greg Stone]

Ruin your life. I doubt you can ruin his life, but try ruining my life.

[Big J Okerson]

All right. One of my favorites. This is day two.

[Robert Kelly]

So Ari and a brothel yesterday.

[Big J Okerson]

Day two. This is even before, er. This is. I was working in X ray, which, where I started at. I was a transporter when I first started, so I had to bring the lady up to her room. It was a 2000 year old black woman. She's sitting on the bed and I still remember her name was Mrs. Black. And I remember because she was black. And I was like, oh, that's fun. I don't know why. It was just a thing to me.

[Greg Stone]

That's not what they just wrote on the chart. What's her name? I don't know. All right.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't know her first name. Hippa, you know, whatever. But she's sitting in the bed and she's praying. She's. Her hands clasped and she's praying.

[Greg Stone]

You said Hippo.

[Big J Okerson]

And she's going, please, please, please. And I was like, what's up? Can I help you?

[Greg Stone]

Was she Italian black?

[Big J Okerson]

No, she was Italian black, Sicilian speed. I can see that voice coming.

[Greg Stone]

Sounded like the. The Devil in the Exorcist. Please.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's her. She's going, please, please, please. And I was like, what? I can help. What can I do? And she goes, holding my hand. No, I don't know, but I'm hamming it up now. We're having fun. Come on. She goes, hold my hand, right? I go to hold her hand and in her hand. It wasn't like she smeared poop on her hand. She had a full solid turd that she crushes into my hand. And she goes. Starts laughing hysterically, wouldn't let go. And I'm screaming, I'm like, please. I rip my hand back. I put my hand on the.

[Greg Stone]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I'm screaming, I'm crying. My shoes fell off. I was hit by a car.

[Greg Stone]

I just gave Ari A fucking idea for skank fest New Orleans. How you doing?

[Robert Kelly]

Love to take a picture now go.

[Greg Stone]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

I wipe my hand on her pillow because I was freaking out. Ran away. My friend Moses, who was the. He was like an ER tech, he looks at me and go. He's laughing and he was like, always wear gloves, brother.

[Greg Stone]

And that was it.

[Big J Okerson]

And that's when I learned you always wear gloves no matter what in the er. Just always put them on before you talk to a patient.

[Greg Stone]

She wasn't a patient. She was the head nurse. And that's how they teach you. Yeah, I'm going to. In my hand. Call me Ms. Black. Every time. An Italian black. I. I worked with Mental. What do they call them now? What am I supposed to say, dad? No. Mentally. Mentally challenged.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Is what they call them now. Back when I worked with them, they were morons. No, that was before me.

[Robert Kelly]

Mongoloids.

[Greg Stone]

No, that was before. That was the first one. They went to that. Then they went to retarded and then they went to mentally retarded when I was there.

[Robert Kelly]

Mentally retarded.

[Greg Stone]

They just changed it from retarded to mentally retarded.

[Robert Kelly]

You gotta call them just to be sure. Physically, they're fine.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, they were great guys. And I was with this girl, Italian girl I used to know as a kid.

[Big J Okerson]

Black Italian?

[Greg Stone]

No, no, she was not black Italian. She was just regular Italian. And I knew her as a. Like a girl. We. We. She was my good girlfriend for like a week back when we were kids like that, you know, Kissy. Right. I met her later in life. Now I'm 20. Whatever. And she came over and she was just a dirty pig. And I lived with these guys. So I live with six mentally retarded guys. And that was like. I had a. I had like a wing of the house, a three family house, right? And there was a regular family lived on the third floor and then the first two floors. Three mentally retarded guys and three mentally retarded guys and me. And that's where I lived when I started comedy and all.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm so confused. What, you just lived in a handicapped house?

[Greg Stone]

I lived in the house and I got free rent. Rent. Because I had no money. I had free rent. I was going to college.

[Big J Okerson]

And you helped them.

[Greg Stone]

I was going to college, I was doing comedy. I had like four other jobs and I had no money, so I needed a place to live. This. My ex girlfriend got me this gig.

[Big J Okerson]

Got it. Okay.

[Greg Stone]

You live with the retarded guys?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. Or the X Men. It's like the X Mansion. Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

And one of them was bald in a wheelchair.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

And one night, she. So they would go to bed, and I would have girls over to my place. It was my house. So I. We were in the living room, and she was like, I want you to fuck me in the ass. And I was like, Now, I knew her when she was. We were little kids, right? And now here's this nice Italian girl. Hot, little chubby, big nose. And she's just lying there, holding her legs back, spreading her butt open, going, I want it in my hand.

[Big J Okerson]

Like.

[Greg Stone]

Like angry.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Like, you know, she was hungry for it. Like, I want it in my hand. I got. I was like, fucking. I'll give it to you. We both. You know, when you get to that passion where you're both like, did you want a new. I wanted my ass. She called me a. Jesus. She's like, you. So I. I start. And I am ready to. All of a sudden, I hear what.

[Big J Okerson]

And I'm like, what they called you? BA Ba.

[Greg Stone]

That's Bob.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I get.

[Greg Stone]

It's funny because I didn't understand.

[Big J Okerson]

Just one more letter.

[Greg Stone]

The first month there, I didn't understand the word they said. Three months in. I. I spoke fluent. Excuse me.

[Big J Okerson]

Excuse me. I speak. I can handle the situation.

[Greg Stone]

I swear to God. They walk at me, bob, I'm going to the house. Go to the house. I'd be like, all right, you can get dinner after you do your chores. And then they. Like. I could understand everything they said.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

So I just said, ma, mind you, it's like 12:30 at night, right? I am deep in this girl. Yeah, Bomb. And I'm like. I'm trying to ignore it. She's like, what's that? I'm like, one of the guys I work with, she's like, should you go get. I'm like, no, he'll figure it out.

[Big J Okerson]

Meanwhile, he's in a bear trap.

[Greg Stone]

So I'm like, I gotta go. I don't know. I gotta go see what's going on. I go into the bathroom. This guy was. Shirt on, nothing else. And it looked like he. His pants and spun while he was.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he'll spin. I get it.

[Greg Stone]

It was nice.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice.

[Greg Stone]

It was. It everywhere. It looked like. Remember that art thing when you're a kid? It's. Yeah, it's on the piece of paper. And you just poured the. That's what it looked like.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

And I. I just looked at him. I was like, I can't. I can't. I throw up. I'm like, Puking. I made him clean his up from the outside, like peeking in. I just was like, all right. I just grabbed towels. I was like, grab that towel, scoop everything into the thing. I mean, he was like, I would.

[Big J Okerson]

Have just called the police. I've been like, this is out of my pay grade.

[Greg Stone]

I made him clean everything up, throw everything into the tub. I made him get into the tub, turn the shower, everything. I just made everything wet, everything cleaned up. I cleaned it all up. And then I went back in to the room probably 45 minutes later. And she just pulled her legs back and opened her butt. She goes, you ready? I go, you gotta go.

[Big J Okerson]

You threw her out.

[Robert Kelly]

Can't do ass play right now.

[Greg Stone]

I'm not kidding.

[Robert Kelly]

Can't do ass play.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

It's like I just ate.

[Greg Stone]

You know what? I just. So I can't. I think the. On my phone.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you filled up on what that guy had.

[Greg Stone]

It was gross. I hate poop. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

[Big J Okerson]

I. I don't even know if I could share this. I want to. I got. This is too.

[Greg Stone]

You know what I do? You know what I do love though?

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Greg Stone]

I'll tell you what I do.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Greg Stone]

Playoff time.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, thank God. We're out of this.

[Spectrum Business]

Welcome to Nada Yada Island. Next on Nadia Yada Island.

[Greg Stone]

I knew I deserved so much more, so I left. I finally switched to Metro and got what I was looking for.

[Spectrum Business]

Get one line for only $25 a month with Autopay. Just bring your phone to Metro and experience all the data you want on the largest 5G network. That's nada Yada yada. Only at Metro by T Mobile. First month is $30.

[Big J Okerson]

Bring your number and ID offer not.

[Spectrum Business]

Available if with T Mobile with Metro in the past 180 days.

[High Five Casino]

Hey, we all know to consider our pits when it comes to odor. But what about the other odor zones?

[Greg Stone]

We really do have a lot of zones we have to cover your stank zones. Stank Z sounds missing.

[High Five Casino]

That coverage keeps you from smelling and feeling your best. Keep every zone covered with the ultimate odor defense player. Dove Men plus Care Whole Body Dio which keeps you smelling fresh and feeling confident no matter what your day brings.

[Greg Stone]

I love a whole body tackle.

[High Five Casino]

Whole Body odor with Doves Men plus Care Whole Body Dio spray. Dove Men Whole Body Dio defends against all your odor zones from pits, privates to feet with long lasting 72 hour protection. You'll be covered for morning kickoff through triple overtime. Dove Men Whole Body do goes on instantly dry with an aluminum free vitamin E infused formula so tighten up defense against those odor zones this season. Find Dove Men Whole Body do at Walmart Today.

[Robert Kelly]

Netcredit is here to say yes to.

[Big J Okerson]

A personal loan or line of credit.

[Robert Kelly]

When other lenders say no. Apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner banks and serviced by Netcredit Application subject to review and approval. Learn [e-mail] partners.

[Greg Stone]

NetCredit credit to the people you'll say you'll learn a new language each year, but few actually follow through. Babbel makes it easy for you to learn one in less time than you think. Babbel's 10 minute lessons created by over 200 experts helps you start speaking a new language in three weeks or at your own pace with focus on practical real world conversations. It makes learning to communicate easy and effective. I use Babbel for the last year and it helped me out. When I went to Cuba I understood I need to know Spanish and it really bothered me that Ari, when the hurricane came, he knew how to get food. I didn't know anything. And this is what I love about it too. It sends you reminders because if you forget during the day it will come down with a pop up that will remind you, hey, why don't you take a couple minutes and learn a new language. The app is easy fun. Let's get more of you talking in a new language. This year Babbel is gifting our listeners. Check this out. 60% off [e-mail] right now. Get up to 60 off babel.com bonfire spelled B A B-B-E-L.com bonfire babbel.com bonfire rules and restrictions may apply. And we're back. So we're talking about poop.

[Big J Okerson]

I just got a text from my mom. She said I'm listening to you on the radio.

[Greg Stone]

Oh really?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm just kidding. My mom has never heard a thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Please don't.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

No way. Your mom has serious ex avoid.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. How many Jews do you think pay for radio 2?

[Greg Stone]

Jay I pay for this.

[Robert Kelly]

You do.

[Greg Stone]

I pay for serious. They never. Out of all the years that I've been coming here, I got you a subscription.

[Ari Shafir]

When I asked for one, I said, bobby, I can just get you a subscription and I sent it to you.

[Greg Stone]

I never got it.

[Ari Shafir]

I'll look again.

[Greg Stone]

I never got it.

[Big J Okerson]

Do one day co hosts get subscriptions or cheap bastards. My wife got actually I have one too.

[Greg Stone]

You do?

[Big J Okerson]

My wife got free for. For Christmas and she was like, I got you serious? Xm. I was like, thanks.

[Greg Stone]

That's a shitty Christmas.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Now, in her defense, I did want it because I like listening to comedy because I. I try to get my mind thinking about stand up.

[Robert Kelly]

That's cool. Little short clips. Yeah, it's pretty good at that, that radio.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Greg Stone]

Listening to stand up.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's like short clips. Like, I've never heard of this guy, but it's funny. Yeah, sometimes. You've heard of him? Yeah, it's actually. Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

I never do that. I never watch stand up. It bugs me.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, it either makes me feel like when someone has a really or because.

[Robert Kelly]

It is their best bit. So it's like, damn, this is a good joke, right? A lot of taglines. How do they do that?

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, they're going marshmallows.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll say this, though, you'd be surprised how much bad comedy's out there. Sometimes you listen, you go, oh, I'm better than this.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that's nice.

[Big J Okerson]

Which is kind of nice. I don't remember their names.

[Robert Kelly]

Richard Pryor.

[Greg Stone]

Was he that good?

[Robert Kelly]

Was he?

[Greg Stone]

Was he?

[Robert Kelly]

It would be funny anytime. Somebody's like, oh, Richard Pryor is the best. Like, tell me two of his bits and watch the buckle. I don't know. I don't know.

[Greg Stone]

Well, someone was talking about how Eddie Murphy is in a stand up. Like, he can't be considered in the top five because he hasn't done it in 40 years.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, currently he'd be terrible.

[Greg Stone]

You think currently if he came back, spent two years doing comedy.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, you're talking about. You already jumped to reality. To what? What is. He's going to do two years doing, like clubs, 12 sets a week, popping in, following Norman. Following you? No, but sure, if he did that, then he could be.

[Big J Okerson]

But that's what he said. Why he wouldn't do it because he was like. He knows the time it would take to put into being good, which I respect that.

[Greg Stone]

Thank you. Greg. Greg. Yeah, thank you.

[Ari Shafir]

It would be. He's not used. Everything would be taped now.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't talk to me until you give me a subscription. I'm very upset about this.

[Greg Stone]

Valid point.

[Ari Shafir]

I just knew I could get.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, you can get me. Go ahead. What's up? What are you gonna say?

[Ari Shafir]

No, I'm saying I'll tell Greg what.

[Greg Stone]

You got to say.

[Ari Shafir]

I'll get you a subscription.

[Greg Stone]

Thank you very much. I appreciate that.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Eddie Murphy.

[Robert Kelly]

Send it to the Gregstone gmail. Dot com.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I was going to get that new email address.

[Greg Stone]

I want but if he. I think because when I saw him do his Kennedy assassination. Oh you know they're supposed to. Trump was supposed to release that.

[Robert Kelly]

He said he's Gonna.

[Greg Stone]

Today at 3:00.

[Robert Kelly]

Today at 3.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, release. Release Eddie Murphy's Stand Up Special.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, he's releasing Eddie Murphy Stand up special at 3:00 today.

[Big J Okerson]

Great.

[Greg Stone]

No, they're supposed to release JFK stuff. The JFK stuff today.

[Ari Shafir]

What is the stuff?

[Robert Kelly]

All the unredacted.

[Greg Stone]

Unredacted. What happened? All the files on jfk. Like what they the government hate from us. He's supposed to just really come out.

[Robert Kelly]

Apparently. Then according to this the New York Times has updated their terms.

[Big J Okerson]

Not a big Trump guy, but if he starts releasing real fun stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, exactly.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah. Trump releases record assassination of Kennedy and yeah. Martin Luther King. And Martin Luther King.

[Robert Kelly]

I bet there should be another couple lines and the rest will still be blacked out.

[Big J Okerson]

It's never what you want it to be.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's what he did last time.

[Greg Stone]

My friend said Martin Luther King killed JFK and that's why they killed Martin Luther King.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what I think about Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman.

[Greg Stone]

That's why. Did they really. Did they say anything about.

[Christine]

Says he's going to, but nothing that's out.

[Big J Okerson]

I hope they unblock it and just says it's exactly what you thought.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh yeah. It's just great.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. A guy killed him.

[Big J Okerson]

One guy killed him. Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

There's no way that.

[Robert Kelly]

No way. Otherwise why block anything out? Who are you protecting? The coroner who did a good job.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm sure there are things they blacked out that are just like. Yeah, I mean I bet. I don't know. I'm sure there's things he said.

[Robert Kelly]

A small dick, right. We got him naked. A really tiny dick.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Just some woman who sucked as a dead. But oh, what am I doing, man? What am I doing?

[Greg Stone]

My mother's listening.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Big J Okerson]

Mom. Jfk. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You made me feel like a pebble today.

[Greg Stone]

You understand if you all we know about like weapons now and Internet and all this. There's no way the guys with that World War II rifle right got him is getting him in the head in a moving vehicle from a window. It's not happening.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know if. When would that thing where it's like don't like three to a match because that'll let them triangulate you and you fucking snipe you with the dark. That's before Kennedy.

[Greg Stone]

What is it?

[Robert Kelly]

It's unlucky to like three to a match. You've heard that. You've heard that nobody.

[Greg Stone]

Nobody reads room. What is it? Just explain.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't. You light a match and you don't light three people cigarettes because. Because then they're gonna be like. They see the flame and they go, oh.

[Greg Stone]

And then who the is supposed to.

[Robert Kelly]

And if they could do it.

[Greg Stone]

If they could do it.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't think Billy Bob Cunningham could do it?

[Greg Stone]

Greg, I apologize. His wife is.

[Big J Okerson]

My children.

[Robert Kelly]

Are just in Vietnam.

[Big J Okerson]

She's wanted to do.

[Greg Stone]

Greg. It's okay because half.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh yeah. The other half is racist Italian. So they'll know the fight.

[Greg Stone]

They both love noodles. Yeah, I. Nobody knows that dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Charlie, it's a thing. I don't know it.

[Greg Stone]

It's not a three to a match.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a look at a three to a match.

[Greg Stone]

Where's the lookup skills? Nobody knows three to a match. Stop saying things.

[Robert Kelly]

You brought up a word three to a match. I was wrong about the word.

[Greg Stone]

Bring up concuglio. Whatever the it was and it means nothing to anybody. The you think you're on three to a match.

[Robert Kelly]

It's unlucky. I've heard people say drunk. Say it all the time. Drunk. So no, don't do three to match. It's unlucky because you get sniped.

[Greg Stone]

This is problem. He's too used to being on Rogan where Rogan's like, yeah, I heard. I had the guy who invented that.

[Robert Kelly]

He's from college.

[Greg Stone]

Three to a match on the show last week.

[Robert Kelly]

Back me up.

[Greg Stone]

According to common superstition, it is considered unlucky to light three cigarettes from a single match. Often referred to as three on a match. Yeah, if you're in war.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what I always said.

[Greg Stone]

Nobody's been in war I ever thought about war. We've been telling dick jokes for money for 30 years. Nobody knows three to a match.

[Big J Okerson]

The.

[Ari Shafir]

The superstition goes that if three soldiers lit their cigarettes from the same match, one of the three would be killed or that the man who was third on the match would be shot.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, because they could triangulate.

[Greg Stone]

The point is, don't turn a light on. How's that? Don't light a fire. There's a lot of fucking things you don't know when there's a sniper in the area.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm saying the point is, if they could get you in the dark off a match, they could have got Kennedy in the light.

[Greg Stone]

No, there's no way. The shot is too difficult to make. And, and here's what happens.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

When you. His head shot out the back, I understand that. But if you shot him, the bullet goes in a little hole and blows out the front.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

So if he was shooting it from the back. Am I.

[Robert Kelly]

What are you saying it was suicide?

[Greg Stone]

I'm saying.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Greg Stone]

I'm saying it was his wife.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, she got him.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, she shot him right in the face.

[Robert Kelly]

She had the best shot.

[Greg Stone]

I heard you, Marilyn, you piece of.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I think it could have been a thing like a foreign government that they don't want us to go to war with.

[Robert Kelly]

So they kept contracted it out, but we had to wait till their government's overthrown.

[Greg Stone]

Think about, think about all the stuff we learned about Cuba when we were there.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

All the stuff about Ken with Kennedy, how they were trying to get. And he was fighting them and he didn't want to. Do they want all this that they were trying to get him doing? He was just trying to do the right thing. And the, all the Italians that had that money in Cuba casinos.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the thing. I think it was the mobile as an Italian, I like.

[Robert Kelly]

Or the CIA. Or the CIA let it happen because like, hey, mob, we're gonna step down, you do what you want to do. I told it to my mom. I was like, yeah, we learned all this stuff that he was not even going fully communist. He was still on the fence, but then we attacked him. So we like. So he had to go to the communists. And then, and then JFK was like, you guys embarrassed me with your terrible intel to the military and the ca. And I was like, that's the thing. A lot of people say that's why the CAA killed him. My mom was like, ari, who do you hang around with?

[Greg Stone]

And she said, bob Kelly, I get it, you need to stop. No, dude, it's all that, that he went through with the CIA and the government. He was trying to do the right thing. He didn't want to. He didn't want to go in. And they, all the, the companies and millions, they were forcing him to go back into Cuba and he kind of did it half ass. Instead of doing it, fuck it, go in and take it back.

[Robert Kelly]

Because he couldn't justify that.

[Greg Stone]

Couldn't justify.

[Big J Okerson]

But the insanity to me is though, is that they would do this thing and then write it down and then keep it in their files for seven. Why? Why would they do that? I think Whisper, burn it at Some.

[Robert Kelly]

Point, you're like, I never have to get back to this.

[Greg Stone]

Right?

[Big J Okerson]

Or you tell that Larry kill that guy. That's it.

[Greg Stone]

It is a weird thing, because every.

[Big J Okerson]

I love this.

[Greg Stone]

The CIA shows, and there's always redacted stuff. It's like, just get rid of. Like, why do you guys.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, what are you blacking it out? And you're gonna unblack it out later. You have the originals on Xerox?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. We have an erasable black marker. Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

And the secretary that used that marker, that black dog, she knows you gotta kill her now.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Greg Stone]

It's stupid having files on people that doesn't make sense.

[Ari Shafir]

Nothing redacted that's going to change anyone's opinion.

[Greg Stone]

Well, that's not going to say the.

[Ari Shafir]

Real killer was this. It was redacted.

[Greg Stone]

That's not what he said on Rogan. On Rogan, he actually said. I. I started reading through them, and they were like, don't do it. Not now, because there's people still alive that will affect.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I like how Rogan pressed him, too. He goes, I read a lot. He goes, how much? Because Rogan's always been into that JFK assassination. He goes a lot. And he's like, how much? He goes, plenty. I'm like, half. More than half. Less than half. Like, why are you dodging this? Tell me. He goes about a little more than half. He goes, okay, thank you.

[Greg Stone]

Now, I like when he said, we have. We have to. We talk about the forest. Because Trump is dumb when he says stuff, but he's kind of right.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Because he's like, we have to. We have to rake the forest. And Joe was like, rake the forest? Like, I can't even rake my backyard. It takes me three weeks. Never mind the forest. But he was talking about the forest.

[Robert Kelly]

Fires, the shrubbery we had to get.

[Greg Stone]

Rid of, which he just says it in stupid way. We have to rake the forest. It has to be raked.

[Robert Kelly]

He's like a dumb guy that hears somebody say something smart and tries to repeat it. Some of the details are off. Like, you're right. But I don't think you understand this.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he's doing exactly what I do in every conversation, except he doesn't go, I gotta go to the bathroom. As soon as I press you and leave.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's the best. You're quoting somebody else, and they say. And then you get a retort like, but that was his second book. What he said in his first book is the exact opposite. And you're like.

[Greg Stone]

Oh, damn, that's me too.

[Big J Okerson]

As soon as someone says, your argument is reductive, I go, I gotta go. I gotta leave. I don't know what that means. I hate those words.

[Greg Stone]

I do that.

[Big J Okerson]

Smart people words.

[Greg Stone]

I'll learn shit. And then go talk to Gnome at the sound is like, yeah, but that's not true because the guy actually came out and they find stuff, and I'm like, okay. And then I go back to the person that told me that. I go, you're wrong because of that. And they'd be like, no, but they did do that. But then they did this and that. And then I go back to. And I'm just going back and forth between two smart people, and I should just stay out of it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Them.

[Big J Okerson]

I just.

[Robert Kelly]

You guys should do this without me.

[Big J Okerson]

I just want to be like, hey, man. Okay. You listen to the podcast I listen to. Because I can't. I can't. I can't tell you what they said.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just get a feeling of ooze about this, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Greg Stone]

I'm watching a great show right now. I. I don't know what it is about people who kill people. I think I could. I think you can.

[Robert Kelly]

You do it.

[Greg Stone]

I think I could be a hitman.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Greg Stone]

I'm sorry, Christine. Are you coughing or laughing?

[Christine]

You think you could be just a complete deranged sociopath? Like, no problem.

[Greg Stone]

See, you don't understand. Hitman. Oh, yeah. Hitmen have. Hitman have normal lives. That's your. You have a normal life, but then you go out and you have a job to do. It's a job. I've been watching this show called Mr. What the is it called? It's Australian Mr. Belford Deer.

[Big J Okerson]

The spin off where he was a murderer.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Greg Stone]

God damn it. It's an Australian show. I forget the name. I'm getting old, dude. I started taking Magic Brain, and it's not working. It's Australian show.

[Big J Okerson]

That plug you just did for some, like, magic brain money over here.

[Greg Stone]

I was. You know, I'm sick of watching all these shows. I take this. Do you take this? And I can. I wrote five scripts.

[Robert Kelly]

Have you seen the fake podcast commercial?

[Greg Stone]

What's that?

[Robert Kelly]

It'd be like Pete Holmes talking to some podcast host you've never heard of or seen. He's like, so where do you get your writing process from? He's like, man, I just, you know, sit there and I actually take a magic brain because it actually helps me open up. And it got corticombs to really get me going. And then I'll make some jokes. Like. And then it's like. It's as if it moves on, but this whole thing doesn't exist.

[Big J Okerson]

Those were fake?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Who's that guy?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, no one knows.

[Big J Okerson]

That's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a full address.

[Greg Stone]

Wait a minute. Stop. Pete Holmes's show with the stuff that he's drinking that helps everybody else is not real.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Is that what you're talking about?

[Robert Kelly]

The Mind off stage with Pete Holmes?

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, that's.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Greg Stone]

I just took that.

[Robert Kelly]

He's another guy.

[Greg Stone]

I have that stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

It's another guy interviewing him.

[Greg Stone]

I have that and I've been using it and it made me have bad gas. So bad. Yesterday, Greg Fitzsimmons almost left my podcast. It was terrible gas. Like, it. It was like a ghost. It hung out.

[Big J Okerson]

Wouldn't bother me.

[Greg Stone]

Like you don't care about that. What's that show, Mr. Did you find it? Australian show Hitman Christine.

[Big J Okerson]

So you could be Hitman.

[Greg Stone]

You're about to get your piven taken away. Oh, no.

[Christine]

Between, Mr.

[Greg Stone]

In between.

[Big J Okerson]

I was on this show.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

This is crazy. I was the opener on this show for Journey last night.

[Greg Stone]

Don't you never touch somebody else's pit.

[Robert Kelly]

That's the real thing.

[Big J Okerson]

Sorry, I was.

[Greg Stone]

Christine. I apologize for that.

[Big J Okerson]

I wash my hands.

[Greg Stone]

You just scared the shit out of her.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't know someone's pivot.

[Greg Stone]

First of all, she earned that. That's a pre show, Pippin, which has never been getting it out.

[Big J Okerson]

I have a thousand of them in my house. I don't really care. I earned it.

[Greg Stone]

No, you did not earn it.

[Big J Okerson]

I give out myself.

[Greg Stone]

You're not getting pivot now. I was going to give you a pivot.

[Robert Kelly]

He should get a pivot for being on the show.

[Greg Stone]

No, no pivot.

[Robert Kelly]

Now I'm saying you definitely.

[Greg Stone]

You have a pivot.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you. You.

[Greg Stone]

You don't have a pivot.

[Christine]

That's a loner.

[Big J Okerson]

I was on the show.

[Greg Stone]

Oh, give me that back. That's the loner. You don't want that one.

[Robert Kelly]

Why not?

[Greg Stone]

Cuz it's Christine's loner. Cuz she doesn't deserve a pin all the time.

[Robert Kelly]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Big J Okerson]

I was the opener on that show on the.

[Ari Shafir]

Jeremy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Pippin, you, bro.

[Greg Stone]

I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna. I'm gonna show you something. Watch, I'll show you really quick. No, I'm seriously, I'm gonna show you on the other Side of it.

[Robert Kelly]

Not your son.

[Greg Stone]

My son. Like, give me the pivot, Max.

[Robert Kelly]

I've chosen to give it back to you.

[Greg Stone]

Give me that one and I will. I will rip that pivot up. I will tackle you.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Greg Stone]

Because you.

[Robert Kelly]

I gave you back the one you wanted. I outsmarted you on the first one.

[Greg Stone]

You don't outsmart the piven.

[Robert Kelly]

This is the one with all the pivots.

[Greg Stone]

That's a pivot. Yeah, I went pretty crazy. Listen, Christine, you know what, Christine?

[Robert Kelly]

Four.

[Greg Stone]

Four.

[Big J Okerson]

No one replied.

[Greg Stone]

I want my pivot back. Why?

[Christine]

What'd I do?

[Greg Stone]

Because you're bringing up the past, and the past is the past.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Greg Stone]

Pass the past. When I went pivot crazy, I was bringing up.

[Christine]

Because the comment says I was on that show from Greg and we hearted it. And remember I told you guys, Greg said he was on the pivot.

[Robert Kelly]

That's good work. That's a pivot. That's a pivot.

[Greg Stone]

That's another pivot. That's. That's an apology pivot.

[Robert Kelly]

I think. I think Greg needs a pivot for being on the show that started the pivot.

[Big J Okerson]

I was on the show.

[Robert Kelly]

You could lose one for something else. You deserve one for that.

[Greg Stone]

No, cuz he disrespected the pivot, saying that he had thousands of pivot. He just gives.

[Big J Okerson]

I have thousands of flyers that say pivoting on them.

[Greg Stone]

They're not pivots. Okay. Until they come into the studio.

[Big J Okerson]

That's fair.

[Greg Stone]

Then they transform into a pivot.

[Christine]

They're numbered. They have to get trash.

[Robert Kelly]

Bring them in. Bring them in.

[Greg Stone]

This is number six.

[Robert Kelly]

Release the tapes.

[Ari Shafir]

Four was the night. Magical.

[Big J Okerson]

Write any number.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. Let's hear about this night.

[Big J Okerson]

Ooh, tricky, because I've got so many stories that are off radio.

[Greg Stone]

We're not. We're actually at a break.

[Robert Kelly]

What about some on radio?

[Greg Stone]

Tell us what you got.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I'll tell you the. So his audience is very much older people who were very into Entourage. Right.

[Robert Kelly]

Not just a regular amount into Entourage.

[Greg Stone]

Yes. Can I. Can I stop you real quick? Yeah, that's my old.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure, yeah. So into entourage that 10 years later, they're still being like, I gotta see this man in wet snyack.

[Christine]

You know, they're shouting. Ari.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. So much of that. When his character came out, people could finally pronounce my name. It actually was really nice. I actually owe an apology and a thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

So I'll. Ah, man. All right, I'll just do this one first. I'll just tell this One.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't do one. You're gonna regret saying thank you. I'm gonna be your voicemail.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you for doing that.

[Greg Stone]

You're talking to a guy who did a Colby Kobe.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm an expert.

[Big J Okerson]

You're exactly who.

[Greg Stone]

The man I should listen to shot him to fame. Two Netflix specials.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's right. That's a good point. That's a good point.

[Greg Stone]

Choice. Here's another choice you have to make in life. Do you want to become highly successful.

[Robert Kelly]

Or do you want to have morals?

[Greg Stone]

Oh, you want to say morals and stay good.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

You want to be the other Greg or the Greg you are now?

[Robert Kelly]

It's got to be a nice story, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, so I will say that the crowd. People on the show were a little. They were kind of dicky. So just about the crowd.

[Robert Kelly]

People stand up probably, right?

[Big J Okerson]

And they're like, bro and shitty. And all weekend I'm walking off and people are just saying, like. And, like, not to sound whatever, but, like, I don't usually open for people, but West Nyack was like, I love that club. They've been so good at me for years. They don't hire a host, so they pay me to do the host and the feature money. And it's 45 minutes away. It's great, right? So I get good money for going 45 minutes away, right? But these every time, people just going, you know. You know, could you get just dickheads, right? I walk off. I go outside. I'm standing out there. I don't want to talk to anybody because they're just rude. And one guy comes up to me and he goes, it's two guys. There are two brothers. And one of them is talking g. No, no. He starts going. He goes, Mr. Comedian, so funny. You. So for my favorite comedian. So good. And I went, dude, fuck off. Like, I never snap. And I fucking snapped and went, dude, fuck off. I'm done. I don't need your shit. You know, it's like, these shows are hard enough. I don't need some guy being an asshole to me. And the guy with him goes, hey, man, I'm so sorry. My brother is severely autistic. I had no idea. But the voice changed. Like, you know when you look at.

[Greg Stone]

Like, him holding a train, didn't chuck a trigger.

[Big J Okerson]

I freaked out. Went, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I went to hug him. He starts screaming.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what the worst thing to do. I stared him straight in the eyes and I said, him here. He freaked.

[Big J Okerson]

And then his brother goes, he made the hug him. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And. And I went in my pocket to give him money. I was like, so just give them money. I didn't know what to do. And I went.

[Robert Kelly]

I swear to God.

[Big J Okerson]

And I went, let's go get ice cream. Because it was a cold stone, which I don't know what that was.

[Greg Stone]

And I'm tired of. People love ice cream.

[Robert Kelly]

I would imagine autism.

[Big J Okerson]

We walked to the cold stone. It's closed. And then I was just like, what?

[Robert Kelly]

He went with you? Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

He did? Yeah. It was like right there. It's like right over there. So we get what?

[Robert Kelly]

Just throwing a bunch of toothpicks on the floor and go.

[Big J Okerson]

Go enjoy yourself.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

That's hilarious.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

You know what? Piven for that.

[Big J Okerson]

Number six.

[Greg Stone]

Number six.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I have seven through 5,000 in my house.

[Greg Stone]

Give the pivot back.

[Big J Okerson]

Where are we going? Where are we going with this?

[Greg Stone]

That's the thing, man.

[Big J Okerson]

I love the Piven.

[Greg Stone]

And now you lost it.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob. Question now.

[Greg Stone]

Rat out. Are we gonna take a break? When we come back, Greg's gonna talk about Mr. Piven. To add the value to these pivots even more.

[Big J Okerson]

We got.

[Greg Stone]

Ari Shafir is here right now. He's got a brand new special, America's Sweetheart. It's streaming now on Netflix. My travel buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

That's right.

[Greg Stone]

And make sure you check out Greg Stone. We'll be at Grove 34 in Astoria this Friday night, the 24th. And then he's gonna be at the Vermont Comedy Club with Anthony Davido. That's a great Italian name. What a good last name. Yeah, Greg Stone and Anthony David.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a good show.

[Greg Stone]

February 13th through the 15th. It's great show. Two of the funniest guys. And for tickets and all the tour dates go to Greg fstone dot com. And of course, Big J is he's gonna be at the Funny bone in Orlando February 7th and 8th, Syracuse, February 14th and the 15th. After that, Los Angeles, Ontario, California, Indianapolis, Baltimore for tickets and all of the tour dates. BigJComedy.com Punch up live stuff. BigJokison. I'm gonna be at the comedy club in Kansas City. Please come out. It's gonna be cold and depressing. And I would love it if those shows were packed up this Friday and Saturday night, two shows only. Then I'm in Batavia, Illinois, and Levittown and Long Island, Philadelphia. I'm coming back and you can see me every Tuesday night. The fact Black Cat Punchup live. Robert Kelly. For all my tickets tor day updates and YouTube.com obert kelly comedy, which the special is up there.

[Robert Kelly]

Specials up now. Kill Box one of the best ones.

[Greg Stone]

Kill Box is up there now with all my other clips. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire. The last thing you want to hear when you need your auto insurance most.

[Robert Kelly]

Is a robot with countless irrelevant menu options. Which is why with USAA Auto insurance, you'll get great service that is easy.

[Greg Stone]

And reliable, all at the touch of a button. Get a quote today. Restrictions apply.

[Spectrum Business]

USA hi, I'm Katie Nolan from the Internet and cable tv. Or as your mom called me, that sports gal from Celebrity Jeopardy. I have a new podcast called Casuals. It's a podcast for people who like sports a normal amount. No stats or spreadsheets, nary an X or O to be found, just laid back casual banter about home runs, hockey fights and good old fashioned drama. Casuals is a twice a week hang with me and my friends from across comedy, sports and entertainment where we talk about all the funny, weird, interesting stuff happening in and around the world of sports. Think of it as all the best things about sports with none of the homework. So whether you're a die hard fan or vaguely sports curious, Casuals is the podcast for you. You can find casuals on the SiriusXM app, Pandora or wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to smash that follow button. That way you'll never miss an episode. Just try it. You can always unsmash it.