A Hard Time Reading

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly – "A Hard Time Reading"

Episode Details:

• Title: A Hard Time Reading
• Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
• Release Date: January 3, 2025
• Platform: SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103

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Introduction: In the episode titled "A Hard Time Reading," hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly engage in their trademark blend of humor and candid conversation. Skipping over the advertisements and introductory segments, the duo delves into discussions about music performances, celebrity antics, and pop culture phenomena, all delivered with their unique comedic flair.

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1. Music Performances and Artist Commentary

Sammy Hagar and Cabo Wabo: Early in the episode, Big Jay and Bobby discuss Sammy Hagar, focusing on his life outside of music and his move to Mexico. Big Jay humorously critiques Hagar’s personal style and living arrangements.

• Big Jay [02:09]: “Tiana Taylor is going to play Dion Warwick in a biopic. That makes total sense... she also has those 4 inch, way out of her face top teeth.”

Demi Lovato: The conversation shifts to Demi Lovato, where the hosts playfully mock her public image and personal struggles, blending humor with light-hearted teasing.

• Big Jay [10:00]: “Demi Lovato... Someone should tell them that they are still fat.”
• Bobby [16:52]: “I'm not on the throw up drug. I'm not on ozempic.”

Kelly Clarkson’s Live Performance: A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Kelly Clarkson’s live performances. The hosts praise her vocal abilities while humorously critiquing certain aspects of her stage presence.

• Bobby [12:25]: “I do love this song.”
• Big Jay [14:54]: “She goes, 'I want to know what love is,' Jacob. This doesn't look into it.”

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2. Parody and Satire of Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction

Mary J. Blige’s Induction: Big Jay and Bobby create a satirical reenactment of Mary J. Blige’s induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, highlighting Dr. Dre and Method Man's awkward delivery.

• Big Jay [30:00]: “Mary J. Blige is indeed the queen of hip hop.”
• Big Jay [32:34]: “She said she was gonna do something or threatened to go through it.”

Dr. Dre’s Reading Struggles: The hosts mockingly criticize Dr. Dre’s ability to read from a teleprompter, emphasizing his discomfort.

• Big Jay [36:56]: “He thinks you have to get up. He don’t understand none of that.”

Method Man’s Interaction: Method Man’s attempts to engage with the speech are parodied, showcasing his attempts to stay professional amid Big Jay and Bobby’s jokes.

• Big Jay [39:14]: “Method man is waiting. And wait. Look at his face. He’s like, 'Yo, I’m such a good reader.'”

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3. Humorous Takes on Celebrity Personas

Queen Latifah: The hosts discuss Queen Latifah’s performances and appearance, blending admiration with playful ribbing.

• Big Jay [24:24]: “She’s pretty because she’s always been proportionately fat.”
• Bobby [25:07]: “She’s pretty.”

Flavor Flav and Hip Hop Legends: Flavor Flav’s energetic performances are mocked, emphasizing his over-the-top persona.

• Big Jay [27:25]: “Flavor Flav... he falls apart. You lose him in the blackness of empty space.”

Busta Rhymes and Modern Rappers: The conversation touches on Busta Rhymes’ performance style and modern rappers’ evolving personas.

• Big Jay [25:52]: “This guy just knows how to perform. Busta Rhymes. God damn. He knows how to perform.”

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4. Comedy Skits and Improvised Humor

Throughout the episode, Big Jay and Bobby engage in various comedic skits, mimicking celebrities and creating humorous scenarios:

• Sammy Hagar and House Décor: They joke about Sammy Hagar’s home decorations and lifestyle in Mexico, blending absurdity with satire.
• Imitated Performances: The hosts parody performances by iconic artists, adding exaggerated gestures and facial expressions to enhance the humor.

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Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay [10:00]: “Demi Lovato... Someone should tell them that they are still fat.”
• Bobby [12:25]: “I do love this song.”
• Big Jay [30:00]: “Mary J. Blige is indeed the queen of hip hop.”
• Big Jay [36:56]: “He thinks you have to get up. He don’t understand none of that.”

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Final Thoughts: "A Hard Time Reading" showcases Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly's ability to blend insightful commentary with sharp-witted humor. Whether mocking celebrity performances, satirizing award inductions, or engaging in comedic improvisation, the hosts provide an entertaining and engaging experience for listeners. Their candid discussions offer both laughter and a critical lens on the ever-evolving landscape of music and pop culture.

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Conclusion: This episode of "The Bonfire" is a testament to Big Jay and Bobby's comedic prowess, delivering a rich and engaging conversation that balances humor with thoughtful critique. Whether you're a longtime fan or a newcomer, "A Hard Time Reading" offers plenty of laughs and insights into the world of entertainment.

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Subscribe and Listen: For more episodes of "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly," subscribe on SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103, or on Apple Podcasts through SiriusXM Podcasts+ for an ad-free experience and early access.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

Abc. Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like.

[Bobby Kelly]

So a couple of days when his daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was 18.

[Bobby Kelly]

The double bird was how I ended all our conversations. The wheels come off. Can we try to talk to each.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Other like rational adults?

[Bobby Kelly]

Have you watched the news lately? That's not a thing anymore. Series premiere Wednesday, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

High five casino, everybody. High five casino lets you play your favorite slot in live table games like blackjack. With the chance to redeem for real cash prizes.

[Bobby Kelly]

High Five Casino has a giant selection of over 1200 games, including hundreds of exclusive games only found on High five Casino. It's always free to play and free coins are given out every four hours.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ooh. Are you ready to have your own High Five moment? Visit high5casino.com. That's high. The number five casino dot com. No purchase necessary board were prohibited by law. Must be 21 years or older. Terms and conditions apply. And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love that song. It's a great song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like songs like, my headphones weren't on yet. Is this a new thing?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You messed up. I apologize. This mic should not turn on until your headphones are on. My headphones are on. I was listening to the song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I'm older and I need more depth, you know, I can't just listen to the studio like you young bucks. I like the song because it's. It's like different. It's like three different songs at one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, it really is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, I just. Marcus Silva, you've never lied to me in your entire life and we've been friends forever. He posted. Tiana Taylor is going to play Dion Warwick in a biopic. That makes total sense. And she is now because this girl does act now. And she also has those 4 inch, way out of her face top teeth.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And it seems like if you're going to play Dionne Warwick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One of the biggest things should be that your first top eight teeth should be escaping your face.

[Bobby Kelly]

You could be a stunt double on that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh? We go, we need the lighting double. And I just come in there and go, I know I'll never laugh that way again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, hang on One second.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Someone. Someone opening a beer on my hat. Yeah, I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Somebody pick up Dion's teeth right there by your foot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just let him talk. For Let Sammy Hagar talk. Review and just tell me you don't want to just go. He's the only person. What if he was like, dude, just come stay at our place. I'm like, I'll go to your place. I bet you have a cool place.

[Bobby Kelly]

I bet he does.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I bet the. The room that I stay in, I can open the walls to be completely. It's like all glass.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you can open up and just look at this beach.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And drink moss tequila.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. It's just all kabba waga wago.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's probably got his wife walking around with, like, a decent ass, and you're like, that's not badass. Yeah, it's a little freckle. A little worse for the wear, but no cancer yet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, dude, take the Cobra out for a spin.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, take the Cobra first. Is this his place?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It slaps.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm one of those kind of people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I believe that.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, when in Rome, do as the Romans. So in Mexico, you drink beer, you drink tequila, you don't drink the water. This is our first Cobble Wobble tequila bottle, which is porcelain. And anyone that owns one of these and hasn't opened it, fire you a check. Because most of the tequila's gone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna think that, you know, maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Eddie Van Halen came over your house or something and. Oh, nice shot. That was a joke, Eddie. I guess we could actually slip in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, the band's not good. We have to say. I was kidding, Eddie, before you. Before you end the band. I was joking. Sensitive prick. Master bedroom suite. He's got a StairMaster.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I gotta be honest with you, having a StairMaster in your bedroom and your Sammy Hagar seems fucking weak.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is the bed. Yeah, but that's when Stairmasters just came out. That's when that was like, oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Having in your house alone was a thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hate his decorating. Terrible.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, you don't live in Cabo Wabo.

[Bobby Kelly]

If I did, my house would be decorated better. Yeah, it's not that you wouldn't decorate like the Aztec.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This guy doesn't give a.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at that bathroom, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The bathroom's dope.

[Bobby Kelly]

His whole thing, dude, it's nice, but I. I've seen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is my wife. As long as she keeps that ass in shape. My right, babe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Kidding.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not kidding.

[Bobby Kelly]

That bathroom sucks. My bathroom Is better than that 1997. That was stated. Cool out to the beach.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, infinity pool. Tequila.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mexico.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can write these songs guys, if you want to do it. I don't know if you already heard. I got a hit called Rum Drink.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you can walk on the beach and fight a decapitated people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want beer. No fear. We drink beer. Why do we want beer?

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you have. Don't you have a song called Sammy chips?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rodney TV's on the beach. I don't even know how this thing works, but I don't care.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everything he does is fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's the worst that could happen?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the best. He really is a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

His life rips.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do hate his bed though. His bed sucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

His bed does eat.

[Bobby Kelly]

It has gargoyles at the head of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, something. I don't like it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those are Aztec warriors.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I keep those to catch my dreams.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he got his. His decoration from Apocalypto.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's got bottomless Van Halen money and he just moved to a place where you could buy half the country for $16.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, he's genius. He's a genius.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's not afraid to live in Mexico.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So who gives a. He's happy to be there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Does he still live in Mexico? Yes. Really? Yeah. Cabo Wabba.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He loves it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think he owns a resort.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a resort.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he owns. Yeah, he does a concerts down there every year still.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I think he also just like Kid Rock in Nashville. He just pops on once in a while. What do you guys want to hear a song about? Rum.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, he does. He. He's the first guy to do that shit. Just make a life outside of the business that people can go down and enjoy him and all his horseshit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan also did that. You can just go have dinner at Hulk Hogan's restaurant with Hulk Hogan. I think at this point he can't wait to talk to you.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's plenty of videos.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you know the I am a real American is is sang by Rick Derringer. Rock and roll hoochie coo. I had no idea. Did you know that though? Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

A lot of the wrestling songs are sung by really great bands.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not tons. Not ones that were written for the actual thing. Lemmy did one for Lemme Triple H. I think they had several people that tried to sound like Rage against the Machine, but it wasn't Rage.

[Bobby Kelly]

Rhea Ripley has so her song is from. I forget what band. It is like a popular Band. Her favorite band.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's the best walkout song ever? Not. Not an original song written. I'll say. It's not an original song, but it was you. It was their thing for the beginning of their career and it was the coolest walkout for a tag team. I'll even give you that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. British Bulldogs?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, dude, I don't even know. They came out to British music. Bobby, that's not the coolest.

[Bobby Kelly]

You didn't like that song? Well, gentlemen, we're coming to play here we are fighting all day. That's Irish. Sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How about this? If I give you. It's. It's the Road Warriors. Remember what the Road warriors used to come out to back in the day before they were like big and like, you know, in wwe?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, what was it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Iron Man. Oh, Black Sabbath. So when you just hear that in the arena and then they would start walking out with the spikes on, they were awesome. Get an old. God damn it. Christine. Bring up the Road warriors walking out to Iron Man. We're going to get to your treat here, Bobby. I promise you. I hope we never even get to what the treat is, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a sidetracking fan. Go where you need to go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know who else like sidetracks? Donnie Wahlberg. He said to me, he told me that sad. He told me that you could hear.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tomorrow we would have been best friends. He also had some inner peace the way Sammy Hay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. It's go to Iron Man. Yeah, there.

[Bobby Kelly]

This one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. The one that says Iron man entrance. It would kick in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at these two guys that are dead for sure. Yeah. Wow, that's great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, when they came out, dude, this used to get the place would go nut look how empty this is. But they were the coolest thing in wrest over for easily a decade.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's when fans could just literally go up to the stage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Possibly front row.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. They can think it's real for a second to try to fight you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And their costumes are so ridiculous. It was just shoulder pads from a football.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shoulder pads with spikes put on them and. And face paint.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's just the most ridiculous easy outfit to make.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nothing was cooler though when they walked out though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think both these guys are dead. All right, go back. This is too intense. Give me a little Sammy Hagar to lighten the mood a little bit. What's he good? Hey, I want to see a pirate land on my shoulder.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everybody sounds very happy. That's a good thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Keep this a big happy Affair.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm here to induct Foreigner into the hall of fame.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's like, yeah, sure, whatever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's been drinking nothing but tequila for 20 years. Congratulate the fans, the Foreigner fans, because.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys had a lot. Skip ahead. What is. What is Sammy Hagar sing with them. Get to that first, because right after Sammy Hagar is when.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's him singing right there. No, this is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, Demi Lovato, who, by the way, she's hot as hell. She looks hot as hell. And I said there's maybe. Can I make a public apology? Demi Lovato. I know if you ever really dug into me a little bit, you would not like me for the things I've said about you. One thing in particular. You're gonna apologize. I don't. I don't take it back because it's really a fantastic joke. But it may have hurt you. I've heard you're suicidal at times and you've got all kinds of drug stuff. Don't do that because of me.

[Bobby Kelly]

What was it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want you to know that now as it stands I'm aware you would never fuck me and I would totally fuck you.

[Bobby Kelly]

What did you say about it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I said Demi Lovato. For a while. She said she was. She said she went non binary and she wants to be called them. They. And I said someone should tell them that they are still fat.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The joke stands.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is. God damn that he means it. Demi. God damn it. I'm so happy. That was such a good one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So we told them that they are still fat.

[Bobby Kelly]

She lost weight now, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She did lose weight. She looks fantastic.

[Bobby Kelly]

Actually sounds great too. Who is she with? Who is she married to?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if her thing was married. She was like a Disney Channel kid. I think at one point she came out of that world for sure, like child star. And then she developed a weight problem and I attacked her for it. Yeah, but I wouldn't have done that if I'd known she was going to be hot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why would.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's my fault.

[Bobby Kelly]

I bet she's a bad lay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, Sammy Hagar still can sing in regard.

[Bobby Kelly]

He kept his voice. Yeah, he's a great front man. Oh, this stupid cat. Boy, I bet he smells. Just smells like cat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh my God. I bet his belly button stink would make you vomit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, everything he wears just stinks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just a Jewish, aging, leather shirted, sweaty belly belly button.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's like a. When you fly with him too, he's like A Hasidic Jew. He has to put that dumb hat in the overhead and take up luggage face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He also has a belly button ring, by the way. Let's mention that.

[Bobby Kelly]

God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now it's up to you. Skip ahead. Get to the Bobby Street Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm so excited for it.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's still in shape, too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sammy, I'm so excited for you right now. Yeah, this is big. I'm just gonna let this play out and let you fawn over it when it happens.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do love this song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's good. You stop it right there. They know. Get these pieces of out of here. Nope, I'm wrong. Skip ahead ten more seconds. Welcome, Ms. Kelly Clarkson. No, buddy. No. This is a. This performance is. Goosebumps me now. You don't even know how. Where it goes from here. No, this was unannounced, I believe.

[Bobby Kelly]

And it's skinny Kelly, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She kills this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, why didn't you call?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Turn it up. She went high with it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go, girl. Oh, she looks so adorable. Look at her bangs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. I like little fat hands. I feel like I can get her.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's single.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is she?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she got divorced, dude. He dumped her when she got chunky. Now she's on Ozempic and she lost all the weight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she kills it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think she's got a hairy chin, though. Maybe you're like 35. We all do. Yeah, I know. Stop hitting her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stop ruining Bobby's gift.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay is all a foreigner. Shut up, Jacob. Come on, girl. Feel it, Jacob. Come on. Get into it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want to feel what love is, Jacob. This doesn't look into it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at that black choir. So jealous of her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at that. Oh, white can sing. Oh, you weren't expecting this next part. Give it up for Lou Graham. Come on. He's coming out. Lou Graham himself? I thought he was dead.

[Bobby Kelly]

Kind of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He is.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's kind of coming out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what, he does much better than I thought he was gonna do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God, his hair is. Aw. He has Jim Florentine hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But Kelly Clarkson knows how to lift him up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, of course she does. Oh, she's not even wearing a belt. I thought that was a fat girl belt. Oh, God, she's good. Nope. You can't do it. Don't do it, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stop it. Give him his dues. He's doing his best. Stop now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, she made into a love song. You. I want to know what love is. Go, girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She brought it out of him.

[Bobby Kelly]

She brought it out of everybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, they just Annihilated. Ah, I love her. She went another direction. She went another direction. She went another direction. Wow, look at her. It sucks that Kelly's taller than him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jelly Roll can't believe it.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? That somebody was singing. Hey, Bobby's a fan of jelly roll.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love his rap career.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love his country career, Man. That made me feel beautiful inside, man. It wasn't Unbelievable performance. I'm telling you right now. Kelly Clarkson is the shit. The real deal. I've been watching.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't argue.

[Bobby Kelly]

She sings on her show all the time and she's doing covers. Can we get her on the show?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My question. Sure. My question. I was going to say yes, absolutely. I mean, it won't happen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? Yes, I think we can get her on the show. I can go just stand outside of the studio and see if she comes out the back end. She's here all the time with stalker. Can we.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. Christine could strike up a conversation about women as women who struggle with weight.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm also on not ozempic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? No, we're all not on.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not on the throw up drug. I'm not on ozempic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Facts.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. That was great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was fantastic.

[Bobby Kelly]

He did sound good too. He. He. But with her, if he came up by himself.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no. I've seen.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've watched.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've watched videos of him at like performing casinos and stuff. Now it's a bummer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was unbelievable. His voice, this.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was beautiful. She is amazing. We have to get her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. I wanted to. I wanted to hate on it. I was like, she murdered. Tried to hate.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like he tried to hate a little in the beginning, I was like, oh, no. Her voice is unreal. She's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, when he said Kelly Clarkson was like Kelly Clarkson. And then it's. Go back to the first line she does. She starts the song way higher than I thought she should have. And never like. It never fails after that. Go back, Christine. Bring it. Bring the heat.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's called Kelly range. She has Kelly range.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

First line. God bless her. It's a heavy titted lung. Come on. Who would have done it that high? There's no need for that. No one needs that show off, bitch.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like an instrument. It's an instrument.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. If I was a thinner girl, I'd hate her.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I love her. Look at her a little. She doesn't even have to be thin.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, write her a letter about your. Your struggles with weight and see if she writes back to you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dear Kelly, make friends with her for me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna go try to be her Christine. I'll.

[Bobby Kelly]

Kelly, can I work on your show?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, who do you want me to write to on your behalf? That I struggle with weight?

[Bobby Kelly]

I dump dawn, go with Kelly. We both get fat again. I wind up just being her announcer, crowd warmer on her show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Golden Handcuffs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't hate me, dawn, but I wouldn't stop Bobby. Bobby was like, dude, she's into me, it turns out. And like, I'm into her. And so goes. But I can't. We just bought Max a house to live in. And while we. And we. While we sit in a room. We just bought Max a whole house. And I got me and Dawn a little bedroom this last day. Should I leave with Kelly Clarkson? I go, yeah, yeah, you should. Yeah, dude, you should go.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I would. Oh, we'd have such a great lifetime.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, man. Oh, picture. Just a fatherless Max living in a basement by himself with just a mother upstairs who's just pissed. Who does not like men anymore. Who does not like men.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean anymore? That only gets dolled up when she's going to visit a lesbo friends down in Hastings.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm sorry, Maximus. I work all day. I can't make your dinner warm enough.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, skip ahead to the next performer who is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait, are we gonna do Peter Framp? Can I just say, you don't want to do deep math. I want to say something real quick. I'm the guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, wait, go back a little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm the guy that Kelly's looking for, by the way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are we attached?

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have a child?

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You'll eat anything.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. You know, let's move on. I forgot who I was talking to. I. I forgot. You're always gonna go the other way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You both steal Halloween candy. Now get rid of this stupid. Whatever. That guy there. Who's that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that Piadu Valda's tribe, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that next?

[Bobby Kelly]

Netcredit is here to say yes because.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You'Re more than a credit score.

[Bobby Kelly]

Apply in minutes and get a decision.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

As soon as the same day.

[Bobby Kelly]

Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Banks and serviced by Netcredit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Applications subject to review and approval. Learn [e-mail] partners. NetCredit credit to the people. When work gets crazy, I like to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stop by the bar after, have a few cold ones.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't drink at all until 4:00. We limit ourselves to one bottle of wine a night. Excessive drinking has a way of sneaking up on us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A few drinks, a few nights a week, it can add up. And suddenly we're at greater risk for long term problems like heart disease, cancer and depression. Reason enough to rethink the drink More.

[Bobby Kelly]

At rethink the drink.com noyche initiative welcome to Nada Yada Island. Next on Nadiata Island. I knew I deserved so much more, so I left. I finally switched to Metro and got what I was looking for.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get one line for only $25 a month with autopay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just bring your phone to Metro and experience all the data you want on the largest 5G network.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's nada Yada Yada Only at Metro by T Mobile.

[Bobby Kelly]

First month is $30. Bring your number and ID offer. Not available if with T Mobile or with Metro. In the past 180 days.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now you say you'll learn a new language each year, but few actually follow through with this. Babbel makes it easy for you to learn one in less time than you think. Babbel's 10 minute lessons created by over 200 experts helps you start speaking a new language in three weeks or at your own pace. Como estas? I'm only on week one with focus on practical real world conversations. It makes learning to communicate easy and effective. It's been very, very easy. I've done it when I've been in the car. I've listened to it in the car when I've taken long drives and it has been very, very helpful. I'm gonna pick up this Spanish before you know it so I can finally talk to my own daughter. Listen, let's get more of you talking in a new language right now because Babel is gifting our listeners 60% off subscriptions at babbel.com bonfire and you get up to 60% off babbel.com bonfire spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com bonfire babbel.com bonfire rules and restrictions may apply.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Is he funny?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, he's really serious about what they did. It's a good speech. It's a good speech, but it's like there's nothing really compelling to listen to for the thing. But I will tell you, he gave a speech. The energy Dave Chappelle.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

How could you tell it wasn't his comedy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, well, they were both three hours. No, it's a good speech about Tribe Called Quest for sure. He does the thing he does where he includes himself in a lot of these stories of hanging togethers that you're.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, okay, so he has he means something?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He's like. And I remember after Five Dog died, I went over to Q Tip's house and everybody was there. Wing Latifah, everybody, Rick Rubin, everybody was there. And I looked into my left and I saw someone else. Now, what's really funny is they have him at a podium Mike. So at one point something gets said that he does say is funny and he doesn't. You see him walk away from the podium to do his slap the mic. He's got nothing to slap on his leg. He looks lost. He just circles back around quick, comes back to the microphone. It's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is funny. He goes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because he stands there. I got no microphone. My time is off. They're not gonna know when to laugh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do I do with my crazy hands? Drive Call Quest was good. You don't have to go to the whole performance. Go to. You can do Queen Latifah coming out. Because God damn Queen Latifah. I always want to write her off as just like a fucking mainstream stooge at this point. When she comes out and does rap stuff, you're like, bitch could sing. And two, yeah. Somehow gets more attractive. By far went from being. I would have said ugly. I did nothing. Queen Latifi was attractive at all when I was a kid and she wore the hats. She's like a pretty lady.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's beautiful.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Very pretty.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's very beautiful. I mean, she's. She's always been a little dumpy. I mean, you think you go on TV and you're, you know, the equalizer. You might get a trainer and you're.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not wrong, a couple pounds.

[Bobby Kelly]

But she didn't lose a dime to do that. Not at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But she.

[Bobby Kelly]

But she looks still a tub of shit throwing a kick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She looks. But she looks in this. She looks, I would argue, almost. Are you sexy?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's. I thought she's always been sexy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go get a little Queen Latifah beautiful face. Oh, look who woke up Questlove.

[Bobby Kelly]

I bet she's got awful tits.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I bet her tits are just a God mess. I bet they have the black dots and that's the pores. It's not Jacob's thing, but she could do. She could military press Jacob. Now skip ahead and do it. I'll tell you who knows how to do his thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's pretty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When Busta Rhymes comes out, you know why she's pretty? Everything changes.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's pretty because she's always been proportionately fat. Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. When she was younger. She got pretty big. Big. Never, like, morbidly obese. But she lost weight and stayed there. She stayed at.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not fat, not.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not skinny, but not fat. But her body. I like that type of chunky girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I call it an oof body.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I don't want to see, like, five different types of legs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want. I want one leg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

A fat leg. A skinny. I don't want, like, four dirt, like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, there's nothing worse than your. Your knees. Muffin topping over your calf.

[Bobby Kelly]

This. When Busta Rhymes comes out, he picks up the, like, the entire energy of everybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This guy just knows how to perform. Busta Rhymes. God damn. He knows how to perform.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that common?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. You can't tell by his homemade clothes. I'm sick of that. Jacob, this is what I want you to do. Go over and tell him. Piece of the gods. Nerf. Look at. He is terrifying. The Clive Davises of this audience.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, imagine. Imagine if he was gay. I'm gonna your ass right now. I'm gonna take it in your bum. You're gonna suck my ball and lift my come all over your face. And I'm gonna rape your wife.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you're gonna do it sucker, son. I do love that he just comes out with, like, split star. This guy has just agreed to let his career be. I'll just dress sort of like you and come out wherever you are.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did the same thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice. Were you split star for a while?

[Bobby Kelly]

I've done the same thing with you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby just dressed sort of like me.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know if you've noticed my hoodies. His teeth are huge, too, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's awesome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here it comes. Look at black thoughts. Stupid pants. Flavor Flav's going nuts.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where is he?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you couldn't see him. And I mean that. Go back and show him that there was just flavor. Flavor. It just like. Yeah. See? Glasses just jumping. It's Flavor Flav. He falls apart. You lose him in the. In the blackness of empty space.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought that was the ghost of the rest of the gang.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Oh, is that gang, like, sponsored the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Women'S Olympic team for something?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Sport no one cared about. I thought it was, like, wooden horse riding or something. All right, who's next?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, wait. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Leave this, because this is one of my favorite things ever. So Mary J. Blige is next. We don't have to watch any of her. It's. Whatever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did she suck?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's Just whatever. She's. It's just not that impressive. She's going on tour and people are asking her not to go on tour. This was fun. Go to the beginning of this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why are they asking her not to go on tour?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because you just say it's not. She just doesn't have it anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's done.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like a JLO thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah. They're like. It's like. She's just heavy. She's like really heavy. And like, it doesn't look good. She's still trying to do like the dance. It's just like. It's like little Kim. I love little Kim. But it looks kind of weird when she comes out now. I've seen her twice come out on things and while I'm still like, ado. I love little Kim. It's just like, she looks crazy. Like a little meatball with fucking. She can't move anymore, so she's like. Looks silly when she's dancing. But like, I love little Kim. This is a little meatball. She's a little meatball, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a great way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This was funny to me because it doesn't matter how much money you have or whatever personality is personality. And they bring out Dr. Dre and Method man to induct Mary J. Blige. Dr. Dre reads monotone Lee off the teleprompter the entire time and has a hard time with it. And then Method man comes right behind him. And it's like, talk about a guy who's just been in the front of the camera now and acted and do everything. It is night and day from two people talking that Dr. Dre should almost be embarrassed. Like, yo, who set me up to fail out there? Why'd you put me with this wonderful reader when you know I got problems reading?

[Bobby Kelly]

I actually side with Dr. Dre on this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is the Bonfire introducing. I actually, if I just told you this was our ad reads, can you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Please make the font on the doctor really big for Dr. Dre, please? And can you separate it into sentences?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Please play this.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, you guys really did have just a block of text when I showed up here. It was not even a period or the question mark.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is true.

[Bobby Kelly]

You drug addicts were just like, reading it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, this is great. Dr. Dre's like, Marie, yes. I'm here to represent for Mary J. Blige. That was off the dome. Me and Mr. Meth. All right, now's the hard part. Mary J. Blige has single handedly created an Entirely new genre of music.

[Bobby Kelly]

He tried to make genre longer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So everything is a genre of the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Next thing I'm gonna make genre. Real long as I look at the next words on the page.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's. It's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just think of Surviving Compton.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Her trailblazing album was the fourth. Pause it. How that Surviving that Michelle, a movie that she made. Did we talk about it? Was that. Was that before Bobby came? Yeah. Yes. Michelle a the. She was one of his on, like, proteges.

[Bobby Kelly]

Great song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When he was younger. Yeah, great song.

[Bobby Kelly]

Awesome song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And. Oh, and then the word she says, she goes, scream for me, Bobby. That's what the words are. Scream for me, Bobby. I don't know why Bobby. But that's what she says. The song. Oh, yeah, I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Back in juvie Bobby days.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Me and. Me and her. Machete.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No More lies. That's what the song's called. Right. But she. That was great. But she put out a movie that came one lifetime that we watched and broke down hard because this is how little people either don't give a shit about, dare I say, black women. Michelle a particularly or anything that Dr. Dre has felt zero backlash from this. One of the things in her doc because she was. The movie is supposed to be running concurrently to what's the Straight out of Compton. And hers is called Surviving Common. So the story, the movie even starts with her going, you know, everybody hears the story of nwa, but I was there. Let me tell you. My story was happening. And it's him being abusive to her. I mean, she portrays him as abusive where I was like, always ask those questions. Remember, like, Rihanna and Chris Brown and people were getting in trouble because they were like, man, I wonder what she did. And it's like, oh, what? She did what, to deserve it? He goes, no, no. She didn't deserve to get the shit beat out of her at all. I'm just saying. What is it that she did? She said something. She said she was gonna do something or threatened to go through it. I'm just saying, what's the thing? What was the catalyst? Michelle Hayden, one time he just came home and she was laying in bed and she goes, hey, honey, how was your day? And he just straddles her chest and pulls her face to the side and just punches her like, three times in. I swear to God, Bobby, it's wild.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta watch the movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then she goes. And then he, like, sucks his thumb and hugs her butt and goes to sleep. And she goes, and I went to bed.

[Bobby Kelly]

I felt Bad for him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? This can't be true. Or no one cares about you because you can't put this story out there. And the world's just like, this is a scene.

[Bobby Kelly]

He just shoots at her. He fires shots left and right of her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. She's like. She goes, I'm gonna go dinner with my friends. He goes, you think, oh, God, that almost hit me. It's crazy. I don't care. I want to murder. And no one flinched. No one batted a eye.

[Bobby Kelly]

I actually. I apologize for my tone last night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby. It was the most satisfying thing to watch as a man. He's like. She's like, hi, I hope you had a wonderful day. I cooked and cleaned for you. And he's like, yeah, yeah, just do me. Stupid, dumb bitch. She didn't do anything. And then at one point, he was like, I thought I told you to wear that other jacket for the video. She goes, I like this jacket. He's like, can I talk to you over here for a second? And then Eazy and them just wait. He goes, I hate when this happens. Just hear him walk up. She goes, but I like the jacket. No. Ow, ow, ow, ow. And she comes back like, I'll wear the other jacket. And then Dr. Dre woke up. Everybody goes, what's up, guys? Oh, you guys didn't just hear me beating the shit ever, did you? I hope not. That would have been crazy if you guys heard that, because I just really. I just gave her a good beating in front of everybody.

[Bobby Kelly]

Suge Knight, like the nice guy in the movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I swear to God, Suge Knight was like. He's like, you gotta get away from him, baby girl. You deserve better than this. You are a black queen. Dude. She makes sugar. She goes, I don't know why Sugar is considered this bad guy. He was the best.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like Lewis giving Christina pep talk. Crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That welcome. Hi, honey. How was your day? Shut up for a second. Oh, you. And then he's like, now snuggle me. She goes, I cry. Cause I felt bad for him.

[Bobby Kelly]

But she's not even in Survival.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is the.

[Bobby Kelly]

The movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Straight in the Compton. Actually, she didn't exist.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not in the movie, she's not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she doesn't exist in her life. She was the most important thing in his life. Straight up into waking up with a smile in the morning and taking a good before bed beating.

[Bobby Kelly]

And don't forget before the evening shooting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. And then before the evening gets picked up. Just keep you on your toes. You know, if your heart starts pumping blood flows your Skin looks better.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's good for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. If I ever move and I get guns, I'm gonna wag one of Christine for a good. I go, you look a little peaked. Oh, God, please don't kill me. Go. There's my girl. Look at that coloring. There's that army. There's that Armenian carpet I fell in love with.

[Bobby Kelly]

She grows hair on her face. She's so scared.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Play doh. Oh, shit. When Christine. That'd be funny. When Christine sees a poltergeist, instead of a white streak in her hair, she just. All of her facial hair comes in. Oh, God.

[Bobby Kelly]

It goes, I have to shave again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You go, christine, you have a full beard. She goes, we have a poltergeist. We have two problems we gotta figure out.

[Bobby Kelly]

It looks like he filed a defamation suit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who?

[Bobby Kelly]

Dr. Dre.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Against her. So more troubles for her. He goes, you can't just tell people I came home and beat the shit out of you. That was pillow talk, bitch. Oh, yeah? Watch this. Boy was mad. She probably goes, hey, how was thing? He goes, did you read the text I sent you? You know I have a hard time reading. Hey, I sent you over a fax.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you get it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Watch him struggling. Method man won't even look. Method Man's looking away because he's uncomfortable. How bad this guy reads. He goes, are you older than me?

[Bobby Kelly]

Young Mary to the world.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With her powerful R B vocals and.

[Bobby Kelly]

A storytelling ability, she in turn introduced the world to hip hop soul.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby's doing reading hands like you with hip hop beats and paving the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

For countless collaborations between R and hip hop artists.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No punctuation known to low in love.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To Cohen no one loves. He just. And he just moves on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that a different language?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, alone.

[Bobby Kelly]

No alone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, that's what it says on the screen.

[Bobby Kelly]

What if it really did say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it goes no cocoa fog along.

[Bobby Kelly]

What if it's a teleprompter guy with them?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you see and you see that Trey's face goes. Is that a song? No. Funk alarm. Where's cool at? Where's cool?

[Bobby Kelly]

You think because, you know when we do big shows together, all the comics and there's always somebody who, you know, takes a hot one and you know, he killed that one. He took a hot one. Do you think they go back and trash each other? You think. You think Dr. Dre went back just punching a wall?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't think so.

[Bobby Kelly]

Punch Celine Dion on the face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think Method man, first of all, not only doesn't look he just stays out of it while Dr. Dre talks and then he comes in and this guy should run for mayor.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Method man should probably, if he wanted to, could win mayor of Staten Island. Masterful soul in a masterful sophomore album released is one of my favorite albums. Albums that she recorded.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was he your favorite?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mary courageously shared her unfiltered truth. You know, there's more words. Mary.

[Bobby Kelly]

He actually reads like Christopher Walken. Mary. Congratulations, everybody. For a sculpin Goldman clopping. Can they not raise the platform? Why has he got a hunch over. It's just he doesn't. The microphone works. He just doesn't understand.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He didn't move the microphone. He just decided to hunch down to it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Mary J was hot back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Actually. You don't have to. That's what. That's not what it is. They keep it. It's a hot mic. You don't have to reach down for it to be here. So you can stand up and talk and not be blocked by Mike.

[Bobby Kelly]

He doesn't understand that. He thinks you have to get up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He don't understand none of that. With and soul. Okay. Queen soul Mary she bow but cow is sold funk and R B hip hop. I know what hip hop looks like. Three letters. Three letters only change one for life can be with relationships and sometimes he should have finished his. His part of this and then just sat crisscross applesauce next to the podium. Method man, you try now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you think the guy. You think the guys who wrote the. The speech for him would just crack it up in the back going, watch this, watch this, watch this. He's going right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They go, dude, I put so many words in there with silent letters.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It goes now she. I could never repay the debit. Debt, debt.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's debt, debt, debt, debt, debt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did they have may paid to funk hip hop. So Method man is waiting. And wait. Look how. Look at his face. He's like, yo, I'm such a good reader. Yo, my mom. My mom got me reading when I was young.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you think that they give these people the script that they're going to read? They must 100.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They've practiced this 50 times. Dr. Dre can't read.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did he practice it in a sink? Why she bent over like this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, I practiced my speech in a low mirror.

[Bobby Kelly]

I practice in the guest bathroom downstairs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no. Because I didn't get my. When I got the script for this. You don't see. I was touring Valley Forge. The battle of Valley Forge happened. People were smaller back then, you see, so we always had to hunch over as her collaborator, Frozen.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's waiting for the Pale property to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Be a part of.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of inducting Mary J. Blige into the Rock and Roll hall of Fame.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Method Man's like, move, please. He's like, take it away. Method man wonderfully.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good job.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right. Doesn't read a word.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is what a college education.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, so Dre and I are here tonight to declare it. Mary J. Blige is indeed the queen of hip hop. So he practiced. She's the queen because everything she's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why does she look like the lead singer of Judas Priest? Why is she dressed like Ron Halford? Did she become a gay man?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mary J. Alford.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the is she wearing? What the is she wearing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mary J. Halford? Holy.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's wearing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know, I know, but let's just get. Let's look how good Method man talks. You know, you're in the presence of royalty. Royalty that came from the streets of Yonkers, Yo. And rose up to the stratosphere. And when you hear a voice, when you hear that voice, you know there's no one better. That sound of that voice is unforgettable. But it's where that voice comes from that truly inflection. But it's where that voice comes from. He just knows how to put some inflection to it. He's like, everybody. Mary J. Blige was a singer, and she came up and she was from a place, and she made songs that I like hip hop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. But this guy, he has, like, women politician hands, too. Those little. When they clasp their fingers together. He's using hands, gestures.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Method man, he's.

[Bobby Kelly]

He looks good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Inarguably. Tell me a cooler black guy living, living. Not Denzel anymore. Denzel's an old man now. It doesn't look that cool anymore. Cool. Cooler. Now, by the way, you can't do any young rappers because every time you think a young rapper is cool, next thing I know, they're. All their songs are about, oh, you didn't know I've been bisexual and blowing guys. All these songs about blowing guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know they all. They're all gay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, that guy looks cool. And then it's like, oh. And then, you see, we very bravely came out of Coachell with a butt plug in. Oh, I didn't see that. Okay. I guess that's his thing. I know. We have to take a break.

[Bobby Kelly]

We gotta take a break.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's DJ Lou. It's Jacob, it's Bobby, it's Christine, it's Paco and B I G J A Y man. B I G J A Y Man.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm all the way up. All the tickets and all other tour dates, please go visit bigj comedy.com you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can catch Bobby every Tuesday night, 7pm The Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, the comedy seller. For tickets and all tour dates and a bunch of content, go to Punchup Live. Slash Robert Kelly right back. NetCredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit when other lenders say no, apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day.

[Bobby Kelly]

If approved, applications are typically funded the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Next business day or sooner. Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner.

[Bobby Kelly]

Banks include serviced by NetCredit application subject.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To review and approval. Learn more at netcredit.com partners. NetCredit credit to the People if you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Could hear love, what would it sound like?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Son Kim, we talk about your drinking.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah Dad, I think we should helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking. Maybe that's what love sounds like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

[e-mail] an OHA initiative.