Andy Garbage w/ H. Foley & Kevin Ryan

Summary

The Bonfire: "Andy Garbage" w/ H. Foley & Kevin Ryan

Date: November 19, 2025
Guests: H. Foley & Kevin Ryan (Are You Garbage)

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bonfire sees hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly hanging out with H. Foley and Kevin Ryan, the comedians behind the popular "Are You Garbage?" podcast. Recorded ahead of their live tour appearances in Atlanta and Philly, the discussion spirals into hilarious anecdotes and playful self-deprecation, spotlighting the comedian lifestyle, personal histories, fashion woes, body image, and the insular camaraderie of the comedy scene.

The tone is classic Bonfire: rowdy, candid, and full of playful insults and confessions, with the group riffing on everything from awkward family backgrounds to the indignities of fat-guy fashion.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Skank Fest and the Comedy Tour Circuit

• The group discusses upcoming dates in Atlanta and Philly, and plans for Skank Fest.
• Stories about past Skank Fests, debauchery, and sobriety crop up ("Next for a year. 13 months." - [01:39] Kevin Ryan).
• Lou’s transformation and the anticipated backslide at Skank Fest prompt jokes about substance abuse and support systems.

Kevin Ryan [02:14]: "I'm sober now. I can say this. You guys might have a problem."
Jay Oakerson [02:19]: "I'm good."

2. Origin of "Andy Garbage" and Comedy Show Intros

• Kevin Ryan recalls a comic mistakenly introducing him as "Andy Garbage" instead of "Are You Garbage?" at a bar show ([04:22]).
• The group riffs on "Andy Garbage" as a persona, laughing at the obliviousness and inside jokes of the New York scene.

Kevin Ryan [04:36]: "A minute later he's like, 'I'm about to go up. Your name's Andy Garbage, right?' I was like, yeah, dude, it's Andy Garbage."

3. Garbage Upbringings and Family Antics

• Bobby Kelly shares stories of his high school girlfriend’s rough home life and the dirtbag ingenuity of her family hiding alcohol from Child Protective Services ([05:13]–[06:54]).
• The conversation devolves into uproarious tales of makeshift home porn, VHS tapes, and unsavory teenage habits.

Bobby Kelly [07:32]: "Her room was garbage... When she was like young and would send me like masturbation VHS's..."
Bobby Kelly [08:12]: "It’ll be horse stuff and then the video would, you know, the V-hold would ride up and then it would be her on this crusty dirty ass trailer floor..."

4. Transgender Ninja & Instagram Oddities

• Kevin shares the wildest Instagram follow: a "professional trans ninja." The hosts gleefully debate the legitimacy of old titles post-transition and riff on the absurdity of “ninja boots” and self-defense ([11:00]–[12:24]).
• Tangents include Jay and Bobby admitting their own failed attempts at martial arts fashion and nostalgia for ‘80s action movies.

Kevin Ryan [11:31]: "She has to go through back all the courses and get all her belts again."

5. Fashion Struggles & Fat Guy Clothes

• Extended camaraderie about shopping as fat dudes, tailoring mishaps, and the politics of self-presentation as comics ([16:00]–[26:44]).
• Hilariously real stories about ill-fitting suits at weddings, emergency runs to Men’s Warehouse, and the unique struggle of plus-size fashion (e.g., DXL, “Harbor Bay” tank tops).
• Nods to passing down jeans between comedians, the rise of stretchy denim, and the communal suffering of "recliner fat."

Kevin Ryan [23:48]: "The very next wedding, I was like, 'I'll just wear my suit.' And I went to put it on. I couldn't get my legs [in]."
Bobby Kelly [27:14]: "It was humiliating... I cut [the shirt]. I tried to make it sleeveless... Safety pinned them to another shirt that fit."

6. On Being a ‘Dandy’, a ‘Classic Gentleman’, and a Fat Slob

• Running jokes on Jacob's ‘dandy’ style vs. Jay’s ‘welder on his day off’ fashion ([14:23]-[18:20]).
• Lively debate over what makes one a dandy or a “classic gentleman,” mixed with teasing about dressing like dads, office bros, or Jimmy Carr.

Bobby Kelly [14:25]: "Jacob's what we call in the biz a dandy."
Jay Oakerson [13:01]: "You don't get this fat. Not... this isn't your first time."

7. Comedic Vulnerability & Camaraderie

• Through playful roast and honest talk, the comics bond over the shared indignities of battle with body image and self-esteem, both on stage and off.
• The "Are You Garbage?" guys reminisce about passing clothes down as they lost weight or gained, cementing the theme of gritty, affectionate community ([31:01]).

Jay Oakerson [31:03]: "At one point, me, him, and Reggie Conquest shared, and then I lost weight, and we would pass my clothes down to... There's a jacket still floating around. I think Dave Temple wears it."

8. Mothers, Booze Cruises, and Porn Offers

• Bobby returns to discuss his mother’s colorful past—posing for "Oui" magazine (“that’s the porn magazine’s logo”—[41:48]) and considering adult modeling, reflecting on how perceptions shift with age ([41:48]–[43:09]).
• They delight in the comedic potential and family myth-making around these stories.

Bobby Kelly [42:01]: "Oui. It was like a French porn magazine..."
Bobby Kelly [42:34]: "She always told me…they offered her to do it. She thought about it, and then she was like, nah. But what if, like, your grandparents ever go to like France? And it’s like they get into pornography, go to a porn magazine. Like, why would that happen?"

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Fat-Friendly Denim
  Jay Oakerson [34:36]: "Yeah, the stretch is the best. Especially around the way they added it around the waist. The way I used to have to like sweat, fat sweat my waist..."

• On Comedy Introductions
  Kevin Ryan [04:36]: "Your name’s Andy Garbage, right? I was like… yeah, dude, it’s Andy Garbage."

• On the Ritual of Shopping at DXL
  Kevin Ryan [29:22]: "The problem with DXL, they have, like, five cool fat guy shirts. So you’re gonna bump into a fat guy [in] the same exact [thing]."

• On Accidental Porn Typo
  Bobby Kelly [42:34]: "The shirt’s like, 'to clean yourself up with this when you’re done. If you want to wash it and dry it and get that come off.'"

• On Losing Weight and Sharing Clothes
  Jay Oakerson [31:03]: "At one point, me, him, and Reggie Conquest shared... There's a jacket still floating around. I think Dave Temple wears it."

• On Vanity in Olden Times
  Jay Oakerson [15:10]: "We would just be fat and hot and smelly all the time. When you had to wear like the laces..."

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

• [04:22] "Andy Garbage" comedy intro story
• [05:13]–[08:12] Bobby details ex-girlfriend’s rough upbringing and homemade VHS scandals
• [11:00]–[12:24] "Professional Trans Ninja" Instagram segment
• [14:23]–[18:20] Dandy vs. classic gentleman debate
• [23:48]–[27:18] Fat-guy fashion struggles and showbiz wardrobe disasters
• [31:01]–[31:14] The great comedian clothing hand-me-down chain
• [41:48]–[43:09] Bobby’s mom nearly becomes a French porn magazine star

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Final Notes

This episode is quintessential Bonfire—a joyful roast, rich with gritty, real-life stories, inside comedian baseball, and the unguarded intimacy of friends who’ve spent years in the comedy trenches together. Whether you’re trying to pull on jeans after a pizza bender, wondering if your mom nearly posed for "Oui", or just need a reminder that everyone’s got trash in their past, this hour will both make you laugh and make you feel seen.

Don’t miss the Are You Garbage boys on tour—details at the end of the show!

Transcript

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[Jay Oakerson]

And now the Bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly, our guest here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Joining us for the whole show. What a treat, everyone. They're going to be in Atlanta this Thursday at the Buckethead Theater and in Philly at The Met on December 13th. You know them. It's the are you garbage boys. The hilarious Kevin Ryan and H. Foley in the house.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are you guys not going to Skank Fest?

[H. Foley]

We are.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh thank God.

[Jay Oakerson]

We just. We're going to Atlanta on Thursday and then we're going. We'll be there Friday.

[H. Foley]

Be there Friday. It's good to see Lou like this before Skank Fest because I know how fucked up he's going to be the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Next for a year. 13 months.

[H. Foley]

Awesome.

[Kevin Ryan]

Good. He's killing it.

[Bobby Kelly]

13 months suspiciously since right after last Gang fest.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, been there, brother.

[H. Foley]

I was going to say. I can't wait to bump into lou Saturday around 6. That's good man. Good for you, brother.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got to bump into him because he's bumping into everybody. Last year I love it.

[H. Foley]

We hung out all the time. We'd always link up with for heaters in the back of.

[Jay Oakerson]

In the back of Antones.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, Antones.

[Jay Oakerson]

I smoked about 10,000 cigarettes. Was back there.

[H. Foley]

I love it.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you guys can drink too.

[Bobby Kelly]

When you guys.

[H. Foley]

What the.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm sober now. I can say this. You guys might have a problem.

[Jay Oakerson]

I got drunk last night at Skanks.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was we're having meetings at Skank Fest if you need to come 10.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm good.

[Kevin Ryan]

He said, is that true?

[Bobby Kelly]

It must be. Probably. Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I'm running. I'm running a couple.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you do for.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Multiple day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Saturday and Sunday. We run them in my room.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damage is already done by then.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah. Well, we give them a couple days to think about it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Give a couple days of fall on their ass, and then get back up again.

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta give them a couple days to hit a bottom, you know, Thursday, Friday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Agreed. Agreed. Yeah, I understand that. I appreciate that. We have Kevin Ryan in H4.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Andy. Garbage.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are you garbage?

[Kevin Ryan]

I sent Lou a picture of my mom. Did you get it? Oh, God.

[Bobby Kelly]

He didn't get it.

[Kevin Ryan]

He got it. I just. I told Lou to tell Lou, and Lou didn't tell Lou, and then Lou. He's got it on his phone. It's all right, Fig.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it a good picture?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's just of my. I figured we. We talked about your hot mom for a little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

You felt jealous, maybe?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I just, you know, I got.

[Bobby Kelly]

One picture of my mom showing a little side tit action.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sta.

[Kevin Ryan]

I have naked pictures of my mom, if you really.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I've had sex with my mom.

[Kevin Ryan]

If you want to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Guys, you want me to tell you what she's like? My carnal knowledge of my mother.

[Kevin Ryan]

I texted in the bonfire thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jay, you'll appreciate this. This is until he. Until the pic gets there. I was doing a bar show the other night, and the comment, it was, like, past the mic. And I was like, all right. So they're like, hey, Steve's gonna bring you up. So Steve comes up to me. He's like, hey, what's your name? And I'm like, kevin Ryan. He's like, what do you want me to say? And I was like, you just say my podcast. Are you garbage? And he's like, huh? I was like, it's odd that you don't know it, but, you know, not everybody knows it, but you're a flex.

[H. Foley]

But, you know.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like, you're a New York comedian.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're a New York comedian. You should be aware of. You should have heard the show.

[Kevin Ryan]

One of the biggest podcast.

[Jay Oakerson]

But also, I'm like, whatever. It's fine. I go. I go, yeah. I go, hey, man, you know, if you can't remember that, just, you know, hit him with clubs in college. It don't matter. It's a. Clubs in college.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm joking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nobody does colleges.

[H. Foley]

We've never done it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Clubs and colleges and very rejected me.

[Jay Oakerson]

So I was like, yeah, just say whatever. Whatever comes to mind. He goes, yeah, no, I got it. I got it. I got it. Garbage. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he walks away. He's talking to somebody. A minute later he's like, I'm about to go up. Your name's Andy Garbage, right? I was like. I was like, yeah, dude, it's Andy Garbage.

[H. Foley]

Andy Garbage.

[Bobby Kelly]

Garbage. You're on the bonfire, you're listening to Andy. God. Sounds like a good.

[Jay Oakerson]

Andy Garbage is a pretty good name, by the way.

[H. Foley]

Do you know how much the dirt bag DNA runs through Okerson? He said the Buckethead Theater instead of the Buckhead Theater.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did say the Bucket Theater.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sorry, Jake.

[H. Foley]

The Slash Theater.

[Jay Oakerson]

The Axel Rose Cafe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not me.

[Kevin Ryan]

But today you did.

[Bobby Kelly]

Makes you so happy.

[Kevin Ryan]

It makes me happy.

[Bobby Kelly]

So happy.

[H. Foley]

I'm sorry.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was just a bru. Gu. Sorry. Sorry.

[Jay Oakerson]

You go call your mom back.

[H. Foley]

Start losing it. Why was your high school girlfriend living with you? I would have to assume her family life was not great. Yeah, but how bad was it that she moved in with you guys?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a weird thing. Again, this is a reflective thing. It's. They like. They were pretty awful. Her folks, she came from a real garbage family. Genuine double wide trailer. Way too many kids in Philly.

[Jacob]

Jersey.

[H. Foley]

Jersey.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jersey gets real hillbilly real quick. Right outside of Camden.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's country western, people.

[Jay Oakerson]

The rodeo is there. She's a cowtown.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she was a barrel racer.

[H. Foley]

What does that mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

She sucked guys. A lot.

[Bobby Kelly]

She wasn't a touring bar. Right. She was a kid. But she was like. She did all that, like riding horses and like that.

[Jay Oakerson]

But that takes a couple of bucks to be on horses.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not if you're blowing everybody.

[H. Foley]

That's the ones in front of the grocery store.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think they like stabled horses. I think they made their money like in that kind of stuff. The mom drove their farm hands. The mom drove a bus. The dad did some kind of shit, but, you know, he would just come home and just pound beers. They had protocols of like. Like holes that were in things where you'd start putting the cases of beer if they saw they had a long dirt road getting into place. So if you saw dp. What is it? Cps.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Coming. What do they call it back?

[H. Foley]

Child Protective Services?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, but they always called it the cops. Now there's some name that they would say like, oh, they're going to call whatever on you.

[H. Foley]

Social Services or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Trying to Remember what it was? It was like more like a nickname kind of thing for it. And it was like if they're coming, you know, they have the drill to where to put the beers and hide them and you know, put makeup on.

[Jay Oakerson]

Your black eyes and must been a long driveway.

[Bobby Kelly]

So it is funny. And then I'm dating her, you know, and then they. The parents just never liked me at all.

[Jay Oakerson]

Good guy like you though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you believe it?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I'm serious. Well, you got a house.

[Kevin Ryan]

Showed up at that outfit. You're a lesbian.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh my God.

[H. Foley]

You're dating with that baby.

[Jacob]

Told you.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't like you dating Jewish broads.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your mom was hotter than you.

[Jay Oakerson]

No doubt.

[Bobby Kelly]

No doubt. But yeah.

[H. Foley]

So she changed the grenade they got to jump on.

[Bobby Kelly]

She had this shitty like pretty shitty family life. But it was just like this. Her room was garbage. And that was the funniest dude. When she was like young and would send me like masturbation VHS's.

[H. Foley]

Oh my God.

[Kevin Ryan]

She had in the box and had a camera editing capability.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nope, no editing capability. What would happen was the video would have like life happening. Like she was take the. She would just take her family's old videos and record over it. So it would be like them pouring the foundation that they were going to put the double wide on and then like you know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hitting her mother.

[Bobby Kelly]

It'll be horse stuff and then the, the V, you know, the V hold the V hole would ride up and then it would be her on this crusty dirty ass trailer floor with like all kinds. Dude, this is the funniest thing that ever made me. She. She did the filthiest thing. Yeah, I. It was hot as when I was younger. Now as an adult, you're like this poor kid shouldn't have done this.

[Kevin Ryan]

She had Cheeto fingers while she was jerking off.

[Bobby Kelly]

Close, close.

[H. Foley]

She would kind of like wearing funions as earrings.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's got bugles on her fingers.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's why Jay thought it was cute back then.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is before the era of everyone had cell phones with cameras in them and stuff, you know, so no one really knows how to make. Nobody knows how to make their homemade pornography. All these poor girls. So she's looking around so it'll be the thing where you know, you grab. She's reaching around looking for something maybe to use and like to take the back of a hairbrush. Give herself the biz with that a little bit. The weirdest one to me was her get a. She would seem like she didn't remember she was recording or something. Because like one of them was just looking around her floor. I mean, just like the camera's on the ground in front of her, cooch.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you see she's improving.

[H. Foley]

Masturbation.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you see face, tits, cooch, basically. And like you see her looking around then like, oh, this. And she grabs, it's like the, you know the little vial of water that's at the bottom of like a single stem rose they'll give you for something like that. And she just goes again, she goes, oh. Like she holds up the camera and then starts fucking herself with that. And then at one point she was talking to me on the phone. This is what's fucking great. There's one video where it was her talking to me on the phone. I call or something while it's happening.

[Kevin Ryan]

She had to take the phone from the kitchen that long.

[Jay Oakerson]

The brother gets kicked off the Internet.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, she definitely had a. She definitely had a raised up antenna on a thing.

[H. Foley]

Household items are just falling out of her vagina as she walks in the kitchen.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dog bone pops out.

[Bobby Kelly]

But the thought, watching her be like a real person on the phone when she was on phone and not being sexy for a video anymore because she's just kind of like hands like by her pussy, just kind of like futzing around with it. And at one point like she goes, goes like she puts like a finger. I don't know, I guess she pulls like a big hair or something. But you see her pull something. I'm kind of looking at it like. But she's on the phone with me just going like, yeah, yeah, around 8:00'. Clock. And she's like, you're going to go, what the fuck? But she sends me the video of all of it. You know what I mean? There's no cut in the video. And it's like, yeah, she hangs the phone at me and like gets back to playing with her. But it's just like in between like her going through and being like. What is that? What the is that?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's little J's number.

[Bobby Kelly]

He must have left it in there. Poor little Jay taking shrapnel.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, God boy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God damn. Bobby, can you tell me what? Who sent this thing into the transgender ninja? Oh, self defense teacher.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, you know, I like to follow the weirdest things on Instagram I can follow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, and see how you can finish masturbating anymore.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's it. And I found, I found this. She's a ninja, a real ninja. A master of ninjutsu.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Yeah, she's not though.

[Kevin Ryan]

She is.

[Bobby Kelly]

The guy was.

[Kevin Ryan]

The guy was.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't just become trans and then you just get the guy's. Caitlyn Jenner is not a Olympian. Olympic champion.

[Kevin Ryan]

She has to go through back all the courses and get all her belts again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Goddamn right, Billy Madison your way through at least two weeks for each belt.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's. She's a professional trans ninja and she teaches well known.

[Bobby Kelly]

Professional trans. She's a professional ninja, maybe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, she's a professional.

[Bobby Kelly]

She just. She's a trans.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, she's a ninjutsu.

[Bobby Kelly]

But again, five finger death punch. You just touch them with your weird hand. They want to get away before they think they got it on them. You don't get this, do you? I can't get trans from spit, can I?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's just so funny, man, that this, this. Look at the ninja boots.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's crazy.

[H. Foley]

That's funny. It looks like something a young Jay Okerson would wear.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn right. God damn right. I've told you guys before when I wore the Patrick Swayze, right?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

When I wore the GI as a shirt. Like Patrick Swayze he did in Roadhouse.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't think so.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then as I would, as I move throughout the day, the GI comes untucked and then what happens is you're giving people a nice down blouse shot of your fucking left fat tit. And my puffy little nip as a.

[H. Foley]

Boy, you said something that sparked a memory.

[Bobby Kelly]

I.

[H. Foley]

You were. I was a huge, huge Alex P. Keaton fan. Michael J. Fox. And I love the way that he.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dressed and Young Republican.

[H. Foley]

I couldn't understand why a sweater on me didn't look like a sweater on him. I couldn't wrap my head around the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fact that you couldn't see your belt. Didn't give you a tip.

[Jay Oakerson]

Look like a bratwurst.

[Bobby Kelly]

Were you a fat kid? What if you were?

[Jay Oakerson]

You don't get this fat. Not. This isn't your first time.

[Kevin Ryan]

This isn't a first fact.

[H. Foley]

This was practice. This is, I was, I was until high school. High school because I, I wrestled. So I was like 171 pounds.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

But yeah, my, those formative years, 14, 15 were brutal. And I just was looking for every style that I could have.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you picked, you picked Family Ties? Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you did like what, like a pullover sweater vest?

[H. Foley]

I would try to do like a sweatshirt with. Yeah. With a collard underneath. Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude, I can't. I've. I've never successfully pulled that out.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don'. Understand how people like you're looking for like a father on a Sunday. For some reason he's still wearing a button down shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're sitting next to one of them right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[H. Foley]

Just look terrible.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fine gentleman.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's Jacob's attire on weekends. He puts a vest on with a pocket watch.

[H. Foley]

My brother does that.

[Bobby Kelly]

My brother.

[H. Foley]

My brother dresses on the weekends better than I've ever dressed in my life. It's crazy. He's a sharp guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just to be home all day to be out.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah. You know, like do stuff. Collared shirt on the weekends.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jacob loves it. Jacob loves wearing a T shirt. Then another shirt over that, then a button down shirt, then a sweater, then a. Then another like a vest type of sweater.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's got a suede jacket on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob's what we call in the biz a dandy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, he's a dance.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a nice sweater. You got a sweater on right now, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought that's what the term is. What are you?

[Jay Oakerson]

You're a mice.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Very nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not a dandy. What are you, a lime Ricky? Something like. Something like that.

[Jacob]

Classic gentleman.

[Bobby Kelly]

Classic.

[H. Foley]

Ah, there you go.

[Jay Oakerson]

What is it? Is this.

[Jacob]

Andy is a guy dresses like. Like loud, loud, loud but nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like a guy's like a bow tie.

[Jacob]

Colorful. He'll throw a lot more color.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is this. Is this an actual scale? Like are these like.

[Jacob]

Yeah, a dandy. You can look. No, I think it's a literal term. Yeah. Those are the guys that want you to see how flashy they are. They're flashier. Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You understand that we'd never make it in like the 17th century.

[Jay Oakerson]

I barely made it now.

[Kevin Ryan]

We would just be fat and hot and smelly all the time. When you had to wear like the laces.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything was a lot of buttons.

[Kevin Ryan]

We had a wig. You had to wear a wig.

[Jay Oakerson]

I need breathable material, moisture wicking shirt.

[H. Foley]

Anything pre shower I wouldn't have lasted.

[Kevin Ryan]

We had to wear a vest with 55 buttons.

[H. Foley]

Anything pre nexium I would have been done. I did my Omarazer pearl.

[Kevin Ryan]

How hard it was to get back then too, with all that clothes, those broads.

[Bobby Kelly]

I definitely would have been. I would have been bowler hat, fat for sure. Yeah. When you just get fat, you just go. I wear fat guy dress clothes now.

[H. Foley]

But we probably wouldn't be heavy. You know, there's no, you know, antibiotics or whatever to. In the food and that's.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's what got you antibiotics. Yeah, that's what it is. These antibiotics.

[Kevin Ryan]

You have to take antibiotics.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know they put hormones in Big Macs now.

[Jay Oakerson]

That goddamn Z pack blew me up.

[H. Foley]

I mean, you got to work to get fat on mutton.

[Kevin Ryan]

That corn syrup.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob? It doesn't say anything about dandy being gay at all. It just says they're concerned with their appearance in fashionable clothing. You are a dandy. Of course.

[Jay Oakerson]

And you said you're what, A traditional gentleman. What was the term?

[Jacob]

I just more than the rock and roll comics in the room. Jay has a look, sure, but it doesn't work for me.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no, no. You look great. I'm not. By the way. I'm not throwing you Bobby dresses.

[H. Foley]

Dresses up, though.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby's dresses.

[Kevin Ryan]

I dress. I don't dress as crazy as Jay, but I think Jay, the way you.

[Bobby Kelly]

How crazy does that mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

I like. No, I like. I like the way you dress. I think it's funky. I like it.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't like the way.

[Kevin Ryan]

I couldn't. I couldn't pull it off, though. I guarantee you, I could never pull off nose rings.

[Bobby Kelly]

I tried. I tried to get you to do your nails with me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I couldn't do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

You wouldn't do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wouldn't do it because I couldn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Kevin Ryan]

Because they can't be. We're on tour with Shane and he said, I don't want two guys with fingernail polish on my show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sounds like he's a little anti dandy. I don't want to throw stones, but that sounds a little anti dandy to this guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And what's a. The term, what it's called?

[Jacob]

I don't know if it's a term.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's just traditional. Gentleman.

[Jacob]

Classical. Classical dress. I don't know. Do I look. Is it, like, noticeable?

[H. Foley]

I just think you dress contemporary. You dress good.

[Jay Oakerson]

You dress like a normal guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dress like every guy in New York City going to an office job.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Like Jimmy Carr slumming it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, Jimmy Car.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's dapper.

[Jacob]

I'll take that.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's very, very. Oh, I know. I saw Jacob was all about Jimmy Carr.

[Kevin Ryan]

He lost his mind.

[Jacob]

I mean, if I had the Jimmy Carr cash fortune, I would probably go down that road.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Jacob]

Not so much.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you like a nice tailored suit? Are you a suit guy when you.

[Jacob]

Have to wear a suit? I would like to get a tailored suit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let me ask you a question. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, I've been thinking about this. My. My cousin, my distant cousin who I grew up with, and I loved for a long time, sent me a birthday present and I never called them back. And it's weighing on me. I'm gonna reach out. I'm gonna call them. I'm gonna talk to him. Just say hi. Thanks. But you know what? The longer you wait, the more difficult it gets. And it just takes a little courage to make that call, just to say hi, someone you haven't seen in a while. Reaching out for therapy can feel difficult too. It's very similar to that, but it can be worth it. It can leave people wondering, why didn't I do this sooner? Why haven't I and I taken my mental health a little more serious? Because it seems daunting. But it's not. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the U.S. betterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals this month. Don't wait. Reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp can make it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] bonfire. That's better. H E L P.com bonfire.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Kevin Ryan]

This is when you just want your wardrobe to be simple. Stuff that looks sharp, feels good, and things you actually wear. That's where qu quince comes in. And the bonus quince pieces make great gifts, too. This season's lineup is simple but smart. Easy with quince 50 Mongolian cashmere. That's it. Mongolian. That's the one. I got 50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feels like an everyday luxury. And wool coats that are equal parts stylish and durable. I. I never understood. I have sweaters. I have a bunch of sweaters. I went to quints. What a difference. It's so inexpensive. Such good quality. And when you put that on, oh, my. I can't wait for Christmas. My mom's gonna be mad because I'm not wearing her crappy sweater. Give and get. Timeless holiday staples that last this season with quince. Go to quince.combonfire for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com bonfire free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com bonfire as I'm a big guy, we're all kind of big dudes. What Jay has.

[Jay Oakerson]

I came out there. We're gonna have a good time here together. So you're calling me, my friend, a fat ass? It's pretty up.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[H. Foley]

You're talking to me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is Adrian. Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm saying we're all. We're not all.

[H. Foley]

Bobby, you look great.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's only modern medicine that has made me not a fat slob.

[Bobby Kelly]

But God bless modern medicine, but hallelujah. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jay is wearing a suit tonight that he bought custom made by a suit guy.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And he's wearing it for the first time tonight.

[Jay Oakerson]

Never tried on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Never.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's nuts to me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

You gonna roll the one pant leg up? Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby, you just blew a surprise.

[H. Foley]

I was gonna say, does Bobby have Alzheimer's? He's wearing a sweatshirt right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm Sorry.

[H. Foley]

Oh, later.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I understand.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I think. Think I just.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's. I did that one time at a wedding. I was in a wedding and I, I. You had to send your measurements away and I did my own measurements. I didn't have any money to go to the tailor, so I did my.

[Bobby Kelly]

A dollar to get a tailor to measure you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude, before ayg, times were tough, and I sent them around. I had my roommate do it or my girlfriend did it, actually, and she. We. They gave us a form. We filled out the form. I sent it in and I picked it up the day of the wedding.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah, dude, I made the mistake.

[Jay Oakerson]

I look like I was wearing my dad's. I look like I belong in a casket.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've. I've. I have four different size suits.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know from weddings that I've went.

[Kevin Ryan]

To when I was. I have a beautiful Hugo Boss shark skin suit that I got when I was in shape.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then you might be close to back there, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

The very next wedding, I. I was. I was like, I'll just wear my suit. And I went to put it on. I couldn't get my legs. I couldn't get my legs.

[Jay Oakerson]

The first one in. And you're going, no way. There's not enough material in the room to do this.

[Kevin Ryan]

How many times had to run to a men's warehouse in a panic and just. I want the Chinese lady.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I want the white guy. I want the Chinese lady because I have to get a. Just a suit. We got the biggest fights in the world just because she's like, just try it on. I'm not trying it on. I'm too fat.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I used to. You had a great bit about. Was it the cop? I remember seeing you do that at Gotham. I was. We were dying in the back.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fat rye cop's the best.

[Jay Oakerson]

This thing doesn't close. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Every riot, there's a fato in the back wearing a vest that don't fit.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Time and a half.

[H. Foley]

I used to. You get a fitting for if you're shooting something. You know, I do it like a month or two ahead.

[Kevin Ryan]

Worst.

[H. Foley]

And you think that. All right, by the time that I get there, yeah, I'm gonna be a little bit thinner. And you get there, and the don't fit. They're running out to TJ Maxx to get you a pair of pants.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, well, the worst. That was my mistake. When I lost weight and went to Mike Vecchione's wedding. When I went down there, I just packed stuff sight unseen. And then Ended up bringing. I got dress pants that I brought my belt for. I go bring the belt for sure. I'm gonna need. You know, I'm gonna need for sure a belt because these pants are gonna be a little big on me. But they're not. They're beltless pants. They're for suspenders, which I didn't bring. I just bought a belt. So they put the belt. Belt, where a belt should go, on the pants and flip the pants over like a slut making her sweatpants short. And then everybody wondered why I wasn't dancing. Also, my shirt, that was too wide. So I just. Like a boy who fucking is trying on his dad's cop uniform or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

When I did sex drugs on the first season, I was a little thinner. The next season, they just had my same size. And then I showed up and I was fatter, and they had to alter. I had to wear a suit. In one of the things. They just cut the back of the shirt.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

They just cut up the back because we're not gonna see it. Yeah, but I'm gonna feel it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't feel dapper. If they, like, figure out a way to, like, rig you into it somehow. That's terrible.

[H. Foley]

We're gonna keep this in the wide, everybody. Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

They put me in a, you know, the.

[Bobby Kelly]

I gotta get this fun faction. A lot of people don't realize there. There's no back to those shoes because my feet were exploding out of them.

[Kevin Ryan]

They had this leather suit they would put me in because we were doing, like, what is that, Edmund? We had the oedm. We had the helmets on, and they bought each. Bought the xl, thinking XL will fit. We had six people. I had to lie on the ground, and they had to push my stomach down. And two people had to zip me into this thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

A pair of pliers.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's been, you know, two. XL is generally the thing where most things just stop. And any kind of standard. I hate that level. So, I mean, that was always anything I joined, any team, whether it be a rec league, basketball or something. And they're always just giving them out. They go go, what are you, a medium large brother giving out? And they just come over to you and they. Right away they go, double X for my man. And then you're like, this isn't gonna fit either. Just so you know.

[Jay Oakerson]

We're gonna have to have a phone call later.

[Bobby Kelly]

When I joined that. When I joined that Hudson Yards. Not Hudson Yards, Chelsea Piers basketball thing for the Boston Comedy Club a million years ago, they did that they gave me the 2x shirt. It didn't fit. What I did. I was humiliating. I cut it. I tried to make it a sleeveless shirt. Shirt first. And I'll wear it over. Whatever the problem was all in the body. So then I just cut the sides down too far. And then it still looked weird because it was cinching up still somewhere. It was always touching my body hard. So then I cut them all the way down and safety pinned them to another shirt that fit.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's crazy. I've thought about that so many times in my life.

[Bobby Kelly]

Safety pinned it to the shirt. I just had the neck over me. It was just a. It was like Tyson's towel. But I safety pinned it down because one time I didn't safety pin it down down and just wore it over a T shirt. And then it flies up like while you're running. So you have to safety pin into this shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, we got fat guys all have to be tailors.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, dude. It's.

[H. Foley]

And a master of the pop, pop, pop with the hands and the shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

To stretch it out. Make it a sundress. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah. Or you. Sometimes I would put on after if I would have a shirt get dried. You just put it on over your arms. Like forearms too. And just like make it like.

[Jay Oakerson]

I never. I've never had that. I couldn't do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I used to wet it and then put it over the back of my recliner.

[Bobby Kelly]

You re wet it.

[H. Foley]

That's good.

[Jay Oakerson]

I would wet it like a baseball glove.

[Kevin Ryan]

So it just reformed to a recliner. That's how fat I was. I was a recliner fat.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's nuts.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I hated it.

[Bobby Kelly]

People are sitting on you in a pinch. I sweat so bad at that Bucks game that I went. I passed by a dxl. I got. I got some. Some tank tops because I need. That's what I sweat through mostly. And I was like. And these underwear beat up, up. Let me get their underwear. I don't know what they think is happening. I got the smallest size underwear you can get a big and tall. And they were like. They looked hilarious on me.

[H. Foley]

Harbor Bay. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I couldn't guess who the those are for.

[Kevin Ryan]

He knows.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of course he knows. I'm wearing Harbor Bay tank top right now every day. Me, I best tank top in the game.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wow. True classic tank top. True classics.

[H. Foley]

True classic best T shirts because they have the tall.

[Kevin Ryan]

They, they. They're loose on the bottom like a little bell. They come out like a bell and garage beer.

[Bobby Kelly]

But do they have Tank tops.

[Kevin Ryan]

They do have tank tops. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

I never got to the dxl. I went to buy him Christmas gifts last year, and I walked in, and I was probably pushing 250 at that time, and I walked in, and they.

[H. Foley]

Track you in there. You give him my phone number. They know everything I ever bought.

[Jay Oakerson]

Who you shopping for today? And I was like, you know, it's not. You know, it's not me. There was no, you know, what are you looking for?

[Kevin Ryan]

The problem with dxl, they have, like, five cool fat guy shirts. So you're gonna bump into a fat guy. The same exact.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know someone's wearing a Captain America shield shirt. I'm like, yeah, fat guy stuff. The Jack Daniels I have.

[Kevin Ryan]

I have that too. I still have it.

[H. Foley]

I was at the one on six Ave. One time, and, like, Tim Dillon just bought this same shirt.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was like, I can't wait.

[H. Foley]

Stepping on Timmy D's gear.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

At the one on 6 Ave. Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I've been in there a bunch of times myself too, Too.

[Jay Oakerson]

You got to be in an XL now.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was cool that 2x. Usually he's tall, though. He's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you know what I mean? He's like a tall dude. So you can't.

[Jay Oakerson]

Anywhere you were. You're a baggier. You're a looser fitting guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I do 2x now, but I get 2x and I wash and dry.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, drying was a big thing, too. I, I. You do not. You hang dry everything. Cold water, hang it dry, and that's it. You do not put any of my clothes.

[H. Foley]

You wash and dry a pair of jeans. About a week later, they come into what I call the goldilocks zone, where they're perfect, and then they get too dirty and you got to go start that all over again.

[Bobby Kelly]

First day sucks.

[H. Foley]

Sucks.

[Kevin Ryan]

How great is it that they gave us the girl stretchy jean? We had to deal with that.

[H. Foley]

Remember regular denim, they would just.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, they. They had no give.

[Bobby Kelly]

Burlap, brutal dungaree.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Now we have the stretchy gene.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but jeans were supposed to be forced off. Like you swung your. Your, like, saw me for like a. A bandsaw. Blade goes flying. Just take a little nick out of you because it got to get through your dungarees.

[H. Foley]

When he.

[Jay Oakerson]

When he lost weight, we first moved up here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we were.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was the bigger one.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

At one point, me, him, and Reggie.

[H. Foley]

Conquest shared, and then I. I lost.

[Jay Oakerson]

Weight, and we would pass my clothes down to. There's a jacket still floating around. I Think Dave Temple wears it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was an expensive jacket I got, like, on markdown from Atlanta Republic. It was like a 500 jacket here for, like, 80 bucks without a gift card. And that. I mean, that thing that's been in wedding people.

[H. Foley]

I used to wear that with no T shirt underneath.

[Jay Oakerson]

But I had this pair of selvedge denim jeans that I. They were so thick. They were. They fell perfectly. And I mean, seven comics got life out of those things.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I couldn't sit down in them.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's that stuff that Josh bought? The raw denim?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Roll. You can do roll and self. I got back into selfish denim now that I got. Now I got skinny again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby Lee. What is that?

[H. Foley]

A salvage.

[Jay Oakerson]

Salvage denim.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And what does that mean with.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's just like, the cut of denim's different. Yeah. It's just. They're thick. They tend to be thicker. Japanese. Higher quality Japanese denim.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I can't.

[Jay Oakerson]

We.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't get into those. I need.

[Jay Oakerson]

But you can get a soft pair. A real. They're really nice. They're thicker, but they're really. I have a really soft pair.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at those baggies over there. How do I look in those. Those little Jenks Francos?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, everything back. He's back in now.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know.

[Jay Oakerson]

I hate it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I saw Ricky Velez at Tugatelle.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

But he's been.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's been wearing.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's been wearing dresses for years.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's Pete Davidson and his crew doing?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah. The forefront of fashion.

[Bobby Kelly]

I came out. I was in the bathroom in the stand, and Ricky Velez walked. The other day, I went, baggy's back, dude. Nice.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they look sharp.

[Kevin Ryan]

You remember boot cut?

[Jay Oakerson]

The Levi's 527S. I would rock the. Out of it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I just hated the boot cut because the back of the heel would always just get mudd.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sometimes it would rip up perfectly.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the perfect.

[H. Foley]

You get the hairs on it.

[Bobby Kelly]

The fray. I'll tell you what.

[Kevin Ryan]

No slush all over the back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Another one of the mistakes I made when I was younger.

[Jay Oakerson]

A bad pair of loafers on with.

[H. Foley]

Like, a dump truck Again.

[Bobby Kelly]

I never understood there was. There was more than one step to anything of, like, a look. And I remember cutting, ruining. Essentially when you cut the cuff off the bottom of jeans.

[H. Foley]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I was like. And they're gonna fray nice. Now. It takes a whole year to fray them. But it looks like someone just cut the bottom of your. Yeah. You have to let the. But you lean. What? We started doing the 90s you lean into that more. When you feel the back of your jeans hitting the ground, you start really? Yeah. The go. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

I remember one time. I've never been an outfit guy. I'm a jeans. That's where I live. I'm this, I'm like a. You know, dress like a welder on his day off. It's just a lot of denim. And the one time I was working at Macy's in Center City and I was. This was 2000. Yeah, 2009. Probably even earlier when like business casual was cool. Like you had to wear like a sweater vest and like a top. Like that's what you would wear to the bar. And dude, I got. I had a Macy's card 800 credit limit. And I bought like I bought the mannequin. Like I bought. Dude, it was a corduroy. It was a corduroy blazer, nice argyle sweater, a white shirt under with the tie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who are my friends? Who are you gonna meet? Alex Peak Eaton.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nobody else was wearing that. Dude, I walked into the bar, I thought like dude, I was so. I was so like wait till these.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look out Mainline.

[Jay Oakerson]

And someone hit me with what's up Mr. Feeney from Boy Meets World. Dude, I wasn't even in the door. I was devastated.

[H. Foley]

Weren't you hanging in the window at JC Pennies an hour ago?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Thank God. They, they started stretching out the jeans a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

But yeah, yeah, the stretch is the best. It's the best.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's great. It's great.

[Kevin Ryan]

Especially around the way they added it around the waist. The way I used to have to like sweat, fat sweat my waist.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was going to say that there's nothing. That's why I knew the bummer cuz I'm going to wear tomorrow. I'm going to throw on my just washed jeans because I got to do a couple of deep knee bends in them for a couple days before we get a skank fest. Because I had to do them because in got to do that for hour an hour. It's the ones I wore by stupidly wore to that Bucks game.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

In Tampa this weekend where we had to walk a lot when I got back and took them off to take a shower in between when I went to go pick them back up, the waist was still wet.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I know that.

[H. Foley]

My, my belly. When I wear jeans all day, when I take my pants off, it looks like they ran a the Indy 500 over my, over my stomach.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, it's just the mark I said before when I said mark of the beast On Bert's roast, I said that. I was like, man, you know, it sucks. I'm looking over at him. We had a shirt off, and he had a big belt buckle on, and you can see it hitting his gut. And I go, I know that, you know the second you stand up, that is going to hurt. The rest of the night never hurts while it's happening. No, the belt is a thing. It's as soon as you take it off, and then it starts. And then blood starts coming back to it. Go. And then you touch it, and you're like, what's wrong with my skin? It's the shape of everything you've been wearing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Starts healing everything, all the white blood cells.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like if.

[H. Foley]

Like in a movie, if somebody has a tree across legs, don't lift it up.

[Jay Oakerson]

He'll kill him easily. Don't take the rod out of him.

[Bobby Kelly]

My belt was the only thing keeping me alive.

[Jay Oakerson]

Your family comes over and says hi to goodbye to you. I think he can hold on for 30 more minutes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Get his family over here. Hey, I'm gonna drop these pants in a second. I just hope everything's okay. Oh, my God. That is. That's the worst. I just watched him at that roast. I'm like, but, buddy, you got it. I've said I've not bought belts many times, but I'm like, that's a really cool belt. Really cool belt. And I'm like, if the loops of it or whatever, you know, whatever the enclosure is, comes bigger than the belt, I'm. I can't do it. Remember when the west coast chopper symbol. I'm like, all these things are like, Chinese stars are gonna cut into my. Like, a table saw. All these things, they're like, oh, there's the ones that had, like, words that went across any kind of cool thing, any fad of belt buckle.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had a belt buckle. It was all like. Like diamonds crazy. It said rock, but the. It was in rock letters. And the. Almost cut me open one night. It's just sticking. I was just sitting down, like, at a club, and then I got up, and that pain hit me, and I looked down. It was seconds away from piercing my stomach and just gutting me.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was a bed. Do you remember Danzig Mother? Of course. Remember at least three of the misfits remember how yoked he was video. When my friends were opening for him on the tour, we got to see him backstage, and it was funny because, like. Like, Glenda still has the belt buckle with the demon horns on it, but it's just literally poking. It looks so uncomfortable. You're like, oh, dude, change belts, man. It's what the people want. It looks so. It looks so. Every part of the demon's horns were digging into his stomach when he was younger, though.

[H. Foley]

He could rock it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Oh, great singer, too. I love the misfits.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was he original? Misfits. He's original, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Hybrid moments.

[Bobby Kelly]

The gay. Right, Right.

[H. Foley]

Are they.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

All of them dead gay. Right?

[Jay Oakerson]

I never got into them.

[H. Foley]

I got into them recently.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was too spooky for me, but I like.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they were scary. So was Pink Floyd. Kid with a Pink Floyd T shirt in seventh grade who smelled like smoke.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I got my. I got my hoodie, by the way.

[Jay Oakerson]

Smell like smoke.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got my hoodie first game. It was one of the ones I have to wash and dry before I wear them. Is this says, do run like hell. Be Pink Floyd.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

The guy said, know me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who is that?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. It says, answer it. F, H, N, Y.

[H. Foley]

Potential spam.

[Kevin Ryan]

Answer it. Well, if you just want something, just answer it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude, I don't answer anyone's.

[H. Foley]

No, no.

[Jay Oakerson]

No one gets any.

[Kevin Ryan]

I answer them all.

[Jacob]

You do?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm lonely.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Hey, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love solar panels.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, what's up? You want to chat?

[Kevin Ryan]

I believe in. I believe in the sun.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's too funny.

[Jay Oakerson]

I haven't answered his calls in months. It's just. I'm busy. What's up?

[H. Foley]

I call him and I get a text back.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's up?

[Bobby Kelly]

I wouldn't even know, like, how to process the idea of not feeling, like, something flopping over a part of my body when I sit down. When I see people sitting, it's just bodies, like, down and then across.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

You ever see that? You ever see the guy cross his legs? But it's knee over knee.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can do that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Even as a big guy, been able to do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

You still can't do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can do it, but it hurts. Like, I can do it for, like, 10 minutes. I have to do the other.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's become my go to because it doesn't hurt now.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't.

[H. Foley]

That's. That's. That's. Oh, you've done it, baby. You've done it.

[Jay Oakerson]

You do that and go passing my checkbook. That's what. That's what a rich guy does. You just sat like a rich, skinny guy. Jay pass me by, check.

[Kevin Ryan]

But the guy. Some guys can do it on a plane. I can't on a plane. My foot always winds up in the other person's area.

[Jacob]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got to go towards. You got to go towards when window.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I gotta cross that one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you gotta go right. Well, if the walls to your left. You go towards wall.

[H. Foley]

Can you go both ways?

[Kevin Ryan]

I have. I mean, I have.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it still the 80s, man? A lot of 80s talk tonight, man.

[H. Foley]

A couple times on the weekends, I.

[Bobby Kelly]

Think we really had to recap. My mom definitely those guys, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

For sure. She was just like, jason.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

No way. And then it was like. I can't remember. It was a long time ago.

[Bobby Kelly]

35 years. It was a booze cruise.

[Kevin Ryan]

All the call letters of every radio station. I.

[Bobby Kelly]

You were whss and then change frequencies.

[Jay Oakerson]

His manager, Marty. You remember Marty, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

My mom likes feathered hair and mustaches, though.

[H. Foley]

But Joe was sitting in that room, so she probably didn't want to.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, Joe doesn't give a. Joe's the one who makes fun of her the most for all them cops. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. She definitely had sex with those guys. There's no way he. It's light out. They just came from a booze crew. There's booze in the room. And they're taking a nice photo.

[Bobby Kelly]

So what is. So you guys. Moms don't party great.

[Jay Oakerson]

The only thing I got a few questions.

[H. Foley]

The only thing that I would say would savor is the two guys look very similar. That could be a father and a son.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's hot.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never seen it. For those like, brothers.

[Jay Oakerson]

A few questions.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

This guy's. They're in the Bahamas. I think is the setting of this. Right? Guys in jeans on a booze cruise in the Bahamas that don't check the fuck out. Also, she's like, they got a car. These dudes got a car in the Bahamas.

[Bobby Kelly]

In the Bahamas.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's like, oh, they'll drive us home. That don't. Who the Has a car in a Bahama?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Like Prime Cereal. That was the golden years of serial killers.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

No one.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Information's flowing.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't just go back to a hotel with guys.

[Jay Oakerson]

A guy in jeans on a boat.

[Bobby Kelly]

So maybe the answer is, my mom went. This is not even the Bahamas at all. This is a different place in Florida.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is wild.

[Bobby Kelly]

Probably where she's doing pornography.

[Kevin Ryan]

That'd be funny if he just. You looked and he. Oh, that's my bedroom.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's smirking. The Kermit the Frog.

[Bobby Kelly]

I told you that with my mom. My mom used to wear the Wii magazine T shirt. And then. And it Was. I realized as I get older that that's the porn magazine's logo.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't even know that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oui. It was like a French porn magazine. Oh, oui.

[H. Foley]

Oh, oui. Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I go. I was like, why do you have that shirt that you always wore when I was younger? And she goes, oh, I met these guys and they asked me if I wanted to do, like, adult modeling. And I said. She goes, I thought about it first.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's tasteful.

[Bobby Kelly]

She goes, I thought, not inside, it's not. They go. And she said. And they go, it would be overse. Be overseas only. And my mom said, it's like Matthew.

[Jay Oakerson]

McConaughey doing a ad in Japan.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is the Bahamas technically overseas?

[Jay Oakerson]

There's a sea.

[Jacob]

There's a.

[Jay Oakerson]

There is a body of water.

[Bobby Kelly]

She was doing a se.

[Kevin Ryan]

She was doing a Wii shoot down in the Bahamas.

[Bobby Kelly]

But she always told me, and she commits to this, that they offered. She got on the horn again. It's too late. But I was going to say, she said that they offered her to do it. She thought about it, and then she was like, nah. But what if, like, you know, what if your grandparents ever go to, like, France or something? And then they were gonna. And it's like they get into pornography, go to a porn magazine. Like, why would that happen? And then the other thing, Estelle, look at this. That didn't even add up first when she's first told to me. Or she goes, and so I decided not to do it. Like, and then they just gave you the shirt. That's not really how that works. The shirt's like, to clean yourself up with this when you're done. If you want to wash it and dry it and get that come off.

[Jay Oakerson]

I also love. She was so confident she was going to be a star over there. She's like, I'll be everywhere. They're going to see me on bus stations. I'll be in the movies, man. Like, once they. Once these frogs get a load of these tits, I'll be on every cover from here to we are, you garbage.

[Bobby Kelly]

Boys are on tour right now. Check them out. This Thursday in Atlanta at the Buckhead Theater. And then they're going to be in Philly at the Met. December 13th. Their biggest show ever. Go be a part of it. I've done their live shows before. These guys are the funniest. And they're so fun. Fun. Always so happy for you guys, man. Everything you got going on Bobby Kelly after this weekend, is going to be in Providence. The comedy connection that's right. I'm going to be in Salt Lake City the week after Skank Fest. We're not going to be here next week, so tomorrow, but we will be.

[Kevin Ryan]

Playing the Skank fest episode, I believe, right next Wednesday. Next Wednesday, live from. Do not want to miss this one. It's going to be a good one next Wednesday.

[Jacob]

So we're off next week. So we'll play it on the Wednesday when we we, we get back for Thanksgiving right before Thanksgiving eve.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's gonna, it's not gonna be next week next week. We're just off the week after. We still have one more live show tomorrow and then you get the pre record on Thursday. Thank you guys so much.

[H. Foley]

We love you, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Crackle, crackle. Ah, the sounds of an Etsy holiday. Now that's special.

[Jay Oakerson]

Want to hear it again?

[Kevin Ryan]

Get original and affordable gifts from small shops on Etsy.

[Bobby Kelly]

For gifts that say I get to two shop Etsy.

[Greenlight Representative]

Did you know that parents rank financial literacy as the number one most difficult life skill to teach? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app for families. With Greenlight, you can set up chores, automate allowance and keep an eye on your kids spending with real time notifications. Kids learn to earn, save and spend wisely. And parents can rest easy knowing their kids are learning about money with guardrails in place. Sign up for Greenlight [e-mail] podcast.