Basement Bachelor Pad

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Basement Bachelor Pad"

Title: Basement Bachelor Pad
Podcast: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Host(s): Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Release Date: January 2, 2025

---

Introduction to Family Dynamics and House Renovations (00:00 - 12:00)

The episode kicks off with a lighthearted banter between Robert Kelly and Big Jay Oakerson, touching upon personal relationships and introducing the main topic: Robert's new house renovation. Robert shares his excitement about the newly renovated basement, which he humorously refers to as Max's "little palace." The conversation quickly delves into the challenges of balancing adult spaces with ample room for his 11-year-old son, Max.

Notable Quotes:

• Robert Kelly (00:15): "Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking. Maybe that's what love sounds like."
• Big Jay Oakerson (03:00): "None of this matters what I'm about to say because the house is haunted."

Max's Dominance in the Household (12:00 - 25:00)

Robert expresses his concerns about Max having significant control over the basement area, highlighting the potential pitfalls of granting an 11-year-old extensive freedom. The hosts humorously debate the merits and drawbacks of such an arrangement, touching on topics like internet access, supervision, and the balance between trust and oversight.

Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay Oakerson (13:32): "He's not like a overachiever at this age, which I wasn't either."
• Robert Kelly (19:35): "Max made honor roll last year."

Internet Safety and Monitoring (25:00 - 38:00)

The discussion shifts to Max's internet usage and Robert's strategies to monitor and guide his online behavior. Robert emphasizes the importance of trust and open communication, detailing how he oversees Max's phone activity to prevent exposure to inappropriate content. The conversation underscores the delicate balance parents must maintain between granting independence and ensuring safety in the digital age.

Notable Quotes:

• Robert Kelly (25:55): "Trust is the most important thing. I know he's going to be in trouble, but I just want him to be able to tell me the truth and not worry about me, not fear me."
• Big Jay Oakerson (29:03): "You read his text to people and stuff?"

Haunted House Banter and Supernatural Elements (38:00 - 50:00)

Injecting humor and a touch of the supernatural, the hosts entertain the idea that the newly renovated house may harbor eerie secrets. Robert shares his experiences with strange occurrences in his backyard, including mysterious gravestones and alleged ghostly activities. This segment blends comedic storytelling with playful skepticism, keeping listeners engaged with its whimsical tone.

Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay Oakerson (40:22): "Dressed to the nines, dude."
• Robert Kelly (43:15): "Wait, should I not tweet this out?"

Personal Anecdotes and Community Interactions (50:00 - 60:00)

Towards the episode's conclusion, the conversation becomes more personal as Robert recounts interactions with neighbors and the local community. He reflects on past experiences, such as dealing with orb spiders and encountering historical sites near his home. Big Jay contributes with humorous takes on these stories, enhancing the episode's relatable and entertaining atmosphere.

Notable Quotes:

• Robert Kelly (49:06): "Here's what I. I think he's fine. He'll be fine."
• Big Jay Oakerson (51:06): "I'm telling you how to raise your boys."

Closing Remarks and Promotions (60:00 - End)

As the episode wraps up, the hosts shift focus to promote upcoming events and tours. While this section primarily serves as advertising, it seamlessly ties back to the show's community of listeners, encouraging engagement and participation in future activities.

Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay Oakerson (57:34): "Tickets and all tour dates go to Punchup Live."
• Robert Kelly (58:34): "I'm going to say this. When."

---

Conclusion

"Basement Bachelor Pad" offers a candid and humorous exploration of family life, house renovations, and the challenges of parenting in a modern household. Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly skillfully blend personal anecdotes with comedic insights, creating an engaging narrative that resonates with listeners. Through their discussions, they highlight the importance of balancing freedom and supervision, especially in areas as significant as home renovations and internet safety for young children.

Key Takeaways:

• Navigating the complexities of granting independence to children while maintaining necessary oversight.
• The role of trust and open communication in effective parenting.
• Finding humor and relatability in everyday family challenges and home-related adventures.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Robert Kelly (00:15): "Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking. Maybe that's what love sounds like."
• Big Jay Oakerson (03:00): "None of this matters what I'm about to say because the house is haunted."
• Big Jay Oakerson (13:32): "He's not like a overachiever at this age, which I wasn't either."
• Robert Kelly (19:35): "Max made honor roll last year."
• Robert Kelly (25:55): "Trust is the most important thing. I know he's going to be in trouble, but I just want him to be able to tell me the truth and not worry about me, not fear me."
• Big Jay Oakerson (29:03): "You read his text to people and stuff?"
• Big Jay Oakerson (40:22): "Dressed to the nines, dude."
• Robert Kelly (43:15): "Wait, should I not tweet this out?"
• Robert Kelly (49:06): "Here's what I. I think he's fine. He'll be fine."
• Big Jay Oakerson (51:06): "I'm telling you how to raise your boys."
• Big Jay Oakerson (57:34): "Tickets and all tour dates go to Punchup Live."
• Robert Kelly (58:34): "I'm going to say this. When."

---

This summary encapsulates the essence of the "Basement Bachelor Pad" episode, providing a comprehensive overview for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

If you could hear love, what would it sound like?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Son, can we talk about your drinking?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dad, I think we should. Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking. Maybe that's what love sounds like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

[e-mail] an OHA initiative. Hi. 5 Casino, everybody. High Five Casino lets you play your favorite slot in live table games like blackjack, with the chance to redeem for real cash prizes.

[Bobby Kelly]

High Five Casino has a giant selection of over 1200 games, including hundreds of exclusive games only found on High Five Casino. It's always free to play, and free coins are given out every four hours.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ooh. Are you ready to have your own high five moment? Well, visit high five casino.com. that's high the number five casino.com. no purchase necessary void were prohibited by law. Must be 21 years or older. Terms and conditions apply. And now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Christine]

Never be free.

[Bobby Kelly]

Put that on. Ooh, I like that Lou still waits for you. People don't know that Lou doesn't turn the mics on until Jay slowly puts his headphones on. I've sat here for a minute with my headphones on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I did Very dramatic. I put it on. Very dramatic.

[Bobby Kelly]

You give a subtle look.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like guys, you give a look to. It's time to ride.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And then Lou looks at me like, I can't yet. And then he looks at Jay. I can do it now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I give Jacob eyes that says, settle up. We ride. We ride in one minute.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm. I'm a little mad at you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love that you say that. It makes me not mad at you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What happened?

[Bobby Kelly]

You're so adorable. How could Christine ever get mad at you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it because I was just telling you off air that you're letting your son rule your household?

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, the key word is off air.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Second, Off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh. I put the mic, but I put the headphones on to get Lou excited to start the show because I was going to mention this.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, bro, first of all, he does not run my household. You miss.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He dominates your house.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he does not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Buddy. We had a. I'm so why this comes up. You were telling me and we could talk about your home, right? Your house.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you have a new house.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have new house. And I actually have something I'm going to tell you about my new house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's going to flip you out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Secret jack room?

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Last guy killed his wife there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look, dude told me it's going to flip you out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, well, don't tell me yet.

[Bobby Kelly]

I won't tell you yet. Cuz we have a radio show to do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We have a radio show to do. So we have to build tension. That's good.

[Bobby Kelly]

But dude, it's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

None of this matters what I'm about to say because the house is haunted.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's going to, it's going to flip you out. And somebody in this room already knows about it. Okay, but just skimmed over it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then Jacob knows about it because I told him today. But I will flip you out now back to Max. He does not rule my house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He dominates it. He owns it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I say this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You, you should put a prince's crown on him.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to say prince. Prince, not princess.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A prince's crown.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought you said princess. No, no, no, listen, first of all, he was sick. You know, he had a cold or whatever. Yesterday was a hard day. Hard day. He had to go. He, he's in the, he got into a play. He got into whatever the place.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is a hard day realizing your sexuality at that young age.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Oh, he got Mr. Martini in it's a Wonderful Life. I think one of the world of a. He's in the play, he's got lines, all that he auditioned. It's great, right? So he had to go to rehearsal yesterday. And you know, that shit's grueling after a long day. And he was sick. He was like, I'm gonna go. But it's. I go, you go today, dude, I'll let you stay home tomorrow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's probably. And then wait, today you probably had to wake up and what goes. You wanted to go back to work at the factory like that, dude, just coming off a sickness and, and being in a play. Practice all day.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's the thing, I, I, he was coughing all night and I, I cough every day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All day.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, because you smoke weed and cigarettes and smokes. Here's the thing, he's coughing all night. You know what I'm saying? And I, I'm, I'm such. I can't sleep because I'm like, is he breathing? I keep waking Don up. Is he breathing? She's like, he's breathing. Stop. I'm like, yeah, but he coughed and now he's not. I haven't heard him. I would like tap him. She was getting so mad at me last night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I tell you why he dominate your house? Just in the story right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me just finish this. So this morning I, I go, let him stay home. Let him have a day off. Let him have a fucking day. Who cares? Who cares?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This guy's been fucking conjuring up his character all day yesterday.

[Jacob]

I do identify with that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? That you need your time to get in.

[Jacob]

I understand.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you might need. And you might need some time off afterwards. Understood. I. No, even the way you're saying this, like this day, it wasn't. And by the way, dare I say, Bobby, I'm wondering about the validity of this cough through the night thing, because at first when you're like, let Max stay home today. And I was, why? I said, why? And you went, ah. And he goes, I don't know. I wish my mom did that for me. Somebody have off once in a while. It didn't have anything to do with like a sickness. And then when I made a face of odd confusion, then. Then it started, well, he's coming. He's got the tail end of something. A sickness.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, because I didn't give you all the details you needed to be. I saw your little face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You saw her.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I realized that I didn't give you the details you needed to make your face or not make your face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

So to deter your face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I tell you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I gave you the. Hang on, let me finish before you make another face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Apologies.

[Bobby Kelly]

I gave you the details you needed that. He was a little sick. He had a hard day yesterday. He was exhausted.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can't use the hard day. Stick with the sick. The hard day of being in a play of a couple lines and It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

A Wonderful Life, going to a new school all day and then having to do something after it's done for two hours and then going home and doing homework.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is he playing Jimmy Stewart? Why is he doing homework on Sunday?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yesterday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yes, it's Monday. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You pothead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gotcha. Gotcha.

[Bobby Kelly]

So he did the. And I was like. He was. I was like, you know what? Let him stay home. He's a little sick. He's got this cough. Let him have a day off. Let him chill for a day. I think that's a good thing to actually let your kid it. Have a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Call dawn and ask her if he's a little sick. Don't feed her.

[Bobby Kelly]

I won't. I won't feed her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't feed her.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm going to call her right now. Bobby, I will not feed Dawn. There we go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What he do? What do you do?

[Bobby Kelly]

Hello, you're. Now, listen, you're on the radio. Dawn, hi. Let me ask you a question. Was Max sick last night and the day before and the day before in bed. Thank you. Was he. Was he coughing all night and was I annoying you going. Is he okay? Is he breathing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. Goodbye. I love you both. What do you mean, bye? I love you both. And I got a bye. You what? Driving. Well, you can't say I love you while you have your hands on the wheel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a great reason.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I don't want to love you too. I want to love you without the two. I love you too. Goodbye.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, listen to him now. He's running the car. I will tell you.

[Jacob]

He told his mom what to say.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Told her what to say.

[Jacob]

She echoed everything he said. Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, let's take this one off the table then. That's a win. It's a W for Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll take the. Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Big W. Take the face. I apologize. Face going look nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I've been holding in a face since we were having our little snack break between shows.

[Bobby Kelly]

You had a face between breaks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I held back a face because it was a thing. This is a mother. This is another. Max runs the house.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Prince Max dominates.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, so it's not princess.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no Prince. No. Masculine. This is a ma. He rules your house with an iron fist.

[Bobby Kelly]

I walked in because we had. His bathroom was done today, finally. So he's still using our bathroom. I walked in today. Cause I had to go. I was like, dude, let's go. And I walked in on him. I don't know how to say this. I don't want to say this in a weird way. He's got a piece. Yeah, buddy. It's not from my family, okay? I almost said something to him, like, Jesus. I almost went, Jesus Christ.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He got Dawn's dad's dick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dawn, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's how it happened.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don's dad dick. Don's dad dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don's dad's dick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don. Don's dad's dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don's dad's dick. That's gonna be your vocal warm ups every day.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don's dad's dick. Dad dick. Don's dad's dick. Don's dad dicks. Don. Dad's dick. Buddy. This kid is. He's. He's a lucky kid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, it's a hanger banger. I almost took a picture of it to bring it in today. I mean, just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you keep telling me this, I'm gonna find the reason to brush up against it somehow, buddy. By accident.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll do. We'll go up the lake. You can swim naked when the sun goes down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I'll Be like. I'm like, hey, let's skinny dip. And then I'll aggressively talk him into it. And then when he drops trout, I'll be like, I was just kidding, dude. Pull your pants off, you weirdo. And I'll look at Bobby and I'll.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go, don's dad's dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don's dad's dick. That must be Don's dad's dick.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what you say when you see it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, well, listen, then maybe it makes sense. You've seen that penis and now you're like, well, I must succumb to the biggest in the house.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not. It's not the biggest in the house. I have a grower, not a shower. I'm just not gonna sh. I'm not gonna wiggle my dick in front of him. Go, this is mine. I'm. You know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's why you let him assert authority throughout the house.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you talking about?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm talking about. And I. I think the crew could support this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I hate when you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We had a conversation many months ago. Yeah, not even that many months ago. You were like, we got this new place. You love where it's at. You love the whole thing. We're redoing a couple things. He goes, the basement. We're gonna make Max's area. You said you were convinced back then, we're gonna make a Max area. Bedroom, tv, like, kind of living room thing. And I said, that's crazy amount too much to give to an 11 year old and too much privacy to give to someone that age. This kid is going to have a problematic thing going on with the Internet in your house, and it's going to get weird. And you can't really observe him enough in that regard. And you went. Thought about it. We had a phone conversation next day where you're like, yeah, I thought about keep Max upstairs with us. Talk to Don even. It was a good idea. And then Bobby was like, we're almost done. All the renovations on the house. The whole basement is Max's little palace. It's exactly the first thing you described that you said you decided not to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Max dominates an entire floor. Bobby, who pays for the house, doesn't get one floor to himself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on. Now, what we did was, first of all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is he Fonzie? Oh, God, he's just staying with you guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

The only Internet that he is allowed. Allowed to use is YouTube.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gotcha.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I have his YouTube on my thing so I can see what he.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Looks at on YouTube.

[Bobby Kelly]

And the only thing, because I told you he had. Someone showed him some bad stuff on the safari.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Someone showed him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. He didn't. I swear to God. He didn't know what it was and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He didn't know what it was.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now he actually, you know, look, he's. He is what he is. He's the 11 year old boy. He looks at girls on the back of motorcycles with their butts hanging out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I was like, I'm fine with that. Of course I don't want porn. I just don't want porn. Porn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Porn is coming. And you have given him a domain.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sounds like an independent film you're making.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hope, I hope that family room down there isn't carpeted or you're gonna have split stains everywhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is, but we just got a brand new carpet vacuum cleaner.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, good, good, good. I hope you didn't buy a couch down there.

[Bobby Kelly]

We have a very, very, very.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How is your couch? Are we talking here? Really? That's no good, dude. You've given him the keys to the cat. That's scary.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I, can I explain my reasoning of this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We said you changed your mind and then lied to all of us.

[Bobby Kelly]

Our old house was nice bungalow. No basement, no attic. Everything on the like, you know, like a ranch house, California little bungalow house. Right. So there. It's like we had one TV there. I mean, you heard him screaming with his friends even when he was in his rooms. It was just crazy. Now that we have upstairs downstairs, I wanted. I wanted upstairs to be adult.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I fully get it now. And I say him and his friends should be downstairs unsupervised with full Internet. Better idea. I wasn't, I wasn't even considering the friends and the knowing. It's like, dude, we got to go to fucking Max Maxi Kelly's house, buddy. His parents don't give a fuck. They're upstairs arguing in some kind of fucking Gaelic Boston language to each other.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're fucking Clark. Sad queer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they're having a fight in the backyard and we're down here hiring prostitutes on my dad's credit card.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, downstairs. First of all, we don't have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not. It's a downstairs, but it's. You can still. It's not. It's like two, you know, one step and you know, five steps. Five steps. You're in the basement. Yeah, and his.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And a door.

[Bobby Kelly]

He said to me the other day, he's like, dad, I can't wait. I go, what? He goes My bedroom's on the first floor. I get to sneak girls in my window.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I was like, you're not sneaking anybody in the window.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure he is.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm putting. I'm putting alarms on all the windows.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's gonna get bullied into letting his piece of friends come in your house and going to start stealing stuff at night because you've given him complete control over the home.

[Christine]

His friends are going to come at your house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The basement, Bobby. That basement. His friends are going to at your house.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nobody's in my house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Christine]

They're going to borrow his basement.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Max Kelly's house is the house. You can sneak out and bring friends to this guy's house because he's downstairs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen. Looking at Jacob's stoic nod. Punch a microphone.

[Jacob]

I got that story too much. And I don't understand like you. You said it's only five stairs. Like that separate from a root.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ten stairs. Ten stairs. Five and five. You said five and five.

[Jacob]

It's a basement.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ten stairs away. And a door.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's no door. There's no door to the basement. There's a door in his bedroom and the basement is open, so you can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's no. There's not like you can shut the door to the basement.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You probably couldn't put anything in front of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't. No, but there's no. You can't. But here's the thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you have until he has the five seconds of dad, my privacy speech where you put a fucking door that only he has the combination to downstairs. It only recognizes his iris. You know what, Max? I'm right.

[Christine]

Basement.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're right, Max. I should have built you a doomsday rape walker.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't. I can't take Christine and Jacob's stereo. Laughs in my ears. I can't do it. I can't do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's so funny. You're making young father mistakes at 53.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is the only beauty of having. This is the only beauty of having a child 10, 12 years older than any of my friends.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen. Upstairs. Okay? So upstairs we got the kitchen. That's the family place. We all gather around. We have a beautiful island. Beautiful island. In the kitchen. We have a little kitchen table upstairs. The living room upstairs. 85. 85.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shut the fuck up. Now you're telling me. Hold on.

[Jacob]

He'll come up and visit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now you're telling me. There. Now I get it. The. I understand exactly we're describing. So what you're actually saying is an unmanned kitchen. Because that's not where you and dawn are gonna be hanging. In the kitchen.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're in the kitchen. It's upstairs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, I understand the kitchen's upstairs, but at the end of the night when you and dawn go. Or you're gone and dawn goes to watch TV in the family room or whatever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Describe my lonely marriage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just know this is Christine too.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's alone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is Christine too.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But no, when you're home and you're both home, you're not gonna be kicking it in the kitchen as well.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're always kicking it in the kitchen. Always.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You spend all your downtime in the kitchen.

[Bobby Kelly]

We eat dinner. We eat dinner together.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

We always have dinner together as a family.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then you wheel a television into there to watch a movie in the kitchen.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, we have a living room upstairs with the 85 inch TVs upstairs, 100%.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And that's where you and dawn are gonna be at the end of the night.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Two full floors. And what I can only guess is at least 15 stairs away from your son. 10. But no. But now upstairs from the kitchen.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's a split level. Does he have 10? There's five and five, your basement.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, so five to the family room.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a split level ranch. So you go up or you go down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Understood? Gotcha. Fully understand that he is. When you guys are in family room, you and Dawn.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Spending time together, watching a show you want to watch or Yellowstone or whatever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, sure. Absolutely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Max is 10 stairs away and two floors away.

[Bobby Kelly]

One floor. Two floors, one floor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How's that possible? Family rooms up here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ones to the kitchen.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You get. No, you're getting it wrong.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay?

[Bobby Kelly]

You. You come in the house, you come up the stairs to the door. Open the door, you can either go down or up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gotcha.

[Bobby Kelly]

Split level. Okay, so if you go up, living room, kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, walk in closet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Only two floors, Right. And then.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then office, studio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Downstairs, right to the left. Right there, Max's bedroom. Right to the right is living room. You know, drums, all that shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna put the in the back bathroom. The jerkatorium is in the back.

[Bobby Kelly]

The back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The stripper pole with the shower.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then if you take a left down that hallway, you go to the laundry room. And then there's the garage where the. The gym was going to be. In the garage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christine]

Where's your listing now?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which door is Max have the sign that says no panties allowed? Because I'm curious about that. Bobby, you are gonna. It's gonna be called Bang Castle, dude. Hit up Max Kelly, see if you can use Bang Castle tonight. His parents are dead asleep upstairs. They both. Or they both have tape over their faces and we could be downstairs doing whatever the we want.

[Jacob]

You did this right before he hits teenager?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I. I wanted him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get him the lay of the land before he can really cause some damage. Understood.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wanted upstairs to be a quiet adult place. Like in the walk in closet. We just made a bedroom into a walk in closet. So it's big, right? But there's a chair in there, a reading light. You can go in there and just chill, read a book.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The basement should just be an uninviting place to be, and his bedroom should have been upstairs. Now, here's the thing I fully get from your perspective. You guys want to be a little loud in your situation, you could do that. And you're not super close to a kid, right? But while you're fucking and he starts learning your rhythms and oh, I can hear up there, whatever, mom and dad, he dominates the house. And you have given him ample space to do nothing but make bad decisions.

[Bobby Kelly]

My chest is tightening.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you agreed. You agreed not three months ago that this would not be the case anymore. And you talked to Don and Don was like, yeah, it's too much to give him. You're giving him a lot.

[Bobby Kelly]

So what were we supposed to do? Put him upstairs with us?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Also if you were like. And by the way, it's only gonna be when he's home because he's got a over 4.0 average and we're sending him off to MIT training academy is not the case. Max is like a kid. He's a dude. He's the kid I was when I was little. And that's why I know this from he's me. Isabella was not like unique in a sense of like she had, you know, there's unique things about it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like that you're politely calling my kids stupid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, not at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

You said he's like, you and me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't think we're stupid. I mean that he's just like. He's a person's person. He's not like a overachiever at this age, which I wasn't either. You. I never became an overachiever at all. Isabella was never like a straight A student. You know, I mean, she didn't do bad in school. She never did bad. It wasn't just like, it wasn't like every year they're talking about her for honor roll or degree or.

[Bobby Kelly]

Max made honor roll last year.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. I've done things once in a while too.

[Bobby Kelly]

It wasn't the honor roll.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was most improved or something. Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Called on a roll that he actually was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They named a sandwich after him at our local deli that was called the honor roll. Next on a roll.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was like. Don was like, he's got an honor roll. I'm like, he got on a roll. She said, no. On a roll. Like he was rolling towards good stuff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's on a roll. I love that.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was the most. He made the most progress in his class last year.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. Can I tell you something?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I won most improved student one year because I was so bad one year that this next year was just like a little easier. And I just did the same amount of no work, but I won a thing. And with the money from that, I went and bought my first drum kit ever from building Most improved student. But nothing got money from school. It was like a thing. They took us to the blackest, scariest school, Martin Luther King High School. And they had a ceremony there and they gave me a check for $300. Shit. And my grandmother cashed it and we went and bought drums.

[Bobby Kelly]

Max didn't get shit. He had a little piece of paper.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I'll tell you this, I deserved it for being in a terrifying school system. But $300 was stiff price pay. But I'm saying that's. I'm just telling you, you're so. It's like he's being like he's going to be looked at also as the other kids. Like, you don't want to be the fucking like. We had a kid, Adam, in our neighborhood and I felt bad that everyone kind of like plenty of people were nice to this kid because he was a Jewish kid. I think his parents did. And even in our neighborhood, like, he just had the toys, you know, I mean everyone had a kid like that in their town. And I. I was actually friends with him, but I watched the world around also. Like lots of people would be friends for a little while because he had all the Knight Rider toys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you know, I mean, he was the first one and you don't want to be. It's like he's got like a lot and he hasn't shown like to you, I don't think unless some crazy amount of like self control and responsibility for his age, which none of us have. So I'm saying You're giving him a lot of rope to. Only it's. You're giving him so much opportunity to hang himself that like, he probably needs to be guided better before you give him all that rope.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. He is. He's a great kid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course. He's sweet, funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

He doesn't lie. He's. He's has opportunities to lie to me and he's told me the truth.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he told me Christine's no good for me.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he didn't take.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He did tell me that. Whispered right in my ear.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he did not. He loves Chris.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He said he had a dream.

[Bobby Kelly]

He had a dream about Christine. Yeah, like the rest of us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And she said she's a real. You shouldn't be with that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Very similar to J.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The thing she did with me in that basement. My dream. You don't want to be with her, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, Christine, it's big, but.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine. Great news. He's a shower. Finally.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he. I think he. I think he'll be fine down there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it'll be fine. And you know what? It is too. He's one. He's like me. He doesn't want to be by himself. He comes upstairs and hangs with us all the time. Even he could have been downstairs. He comes up, hangs with us, watches. He wants to be with me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So just. You're just leaving up? It's like you're not going to be able to monitor at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's. It's a split level ranch. I didn't buy a mansion.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not saying that though. But you can't monitor at all. Him being on facetimes at 2 in the morning and 3 in the morning.

[Bobby Kelly]

He won't do that. He will not do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. Dude, I used to use my check when the Internet first came out. I was so fast on that. AOL 20 hours you can often get. Not often is the wrong word. But I'd say once every couple nights somebody would exchange phone numbers with you and it was someone pretending to. Probably pretending. Or masturbating on the other end. A girl. And you get the phone call and then you hang up real quick afterwards. And did you do this, Lou? Also, did you have a couple of just phone call whack off sessions with a complete. Have no idea who they are or anything?

[Bobby Kelly]

I am not gonna rob my son. Oh, fuck you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you just destroyed the entire studio.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Is that that kind of a problem? Oh, thank God.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you gonna do? Make the studio better with water.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. We're broadcasting. Finally.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll fix everything. Sorry, Lou.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, we got a clear signal here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is water. There you go. Hey, Lou. A little leaflet for that gallon of.

[Jacob]

Water we spilled, you know, while they're cleaning this up. As Bobby mentioned, the fantasy. My Christine fantasy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

And I never. I forgot to bring this up. I wasn't holding it back, but I distinctly remember that in the fantasy, my penis was huge.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Jacob]

Like much bigger. Because I think psychologically, I know what a size queen she is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

In the fantasy, it had to be a monster.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's never.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you want to. If you were.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's never achieved her size queen status.

[Jacob]

Yeah, but isn't that what the. Isn't it fascinating what the brain does, Bobby?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it is fascinating.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like a size Prince Charming. Still looking for the. That fits that slipper.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Every night she turned into a pumpkin.

[Jacob]

I couldn't have the fantasy. She would have just laughed at me and ran out of the room.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

If it wasn't like this.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was regular. I don't know.

[Jacob]

Regular. Come on. Hey, come on. But not Christine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fantasy.

[Jacob]

Christine, I mean. Yeah. Needed to be a little.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that makes sense. You had a humongous cock. Because you need to satisfy this woman. I think there it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think what he's going to do. I. I check his phone frequently. And I know. I know what to check for. You understand? I know what to look for. I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Deleted.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know where is. And I. And I said. And I've all. I've confronted him certain things where it's like, hey, man, check this out. You know, and he's a guy. I'm sorry. I have a very open relationship with him because I want him to be able to trust me. Trust is the most important thing. I know he's going to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You make it sound like you're swingers together.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. I know. I know he's gonna fuck up. I know he's going to be in trouble. I just want him to be able to tell me the truth and not worry about me, not fear me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what I mean? I want to be able to come to me because I've been through all of it, and as far as I'm concerned, he's 11. He's so far ahead of where I was at 11, as far as life and having people that love him and he's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, sure. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he hasn't been in the trouble I've been in, even in school. Like, there's certain friends he's you know, he's kind of sad the other day because one of his friends kind of treated him like shit and he was like, yeah, I know. You know what I'm saying? Like, he's so far ahead of me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's the thing. You were treated like shit at home and you went out and you did a bunch of terrible things. But like, I just want to be.

[Bobby Kelly]

Part of a tribe. I wanted people to. I wanted. I think young men want a tribe. They want to belong to something. They want to be involved with other kids.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's convert into Judaism.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, let's not do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not yet. I don't mind it, Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was an offer. All my thing is just like if I had. I'm putting myself in it. I'm taking Max out of it. And I think me and Max have a similar.

[Bobby Kelly]

The guy telling me all this advice has pink fingernails.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has a bare shin on the thing. Thing with tattoos.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well adjusted.

[Bobby Kelly]

A little red sneaking out of his hat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just a little taste.

[Bobby Kelly]

A little taste.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just a little taste.

[Bobby Kelly]

Aj, please tell me, please.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's how you raise a man. Enlighten me now, Bobby, let me explain how you raise a man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I'm putting myself into it. And I'm just saying with everything I was given rope for. Not that I don't know what the way I did the extreme thing because I wasn't really fucking young too much. But I mean, like definitely snuck out and did some stuff like with girls. Definitely went to me. It falls into the girl. I've told the story before that we met on the Internet one night and me and three of my friends went to or two of my friends went to her house. Three of my friends went to her house. And it was a basement. It was a basement where she kind of had run of the place as a teenager. We were all teenagers and she had run to the place and she was down there and like literally, like before we left, offered to like let like all of us her. And it's just because given that kind of space now that didn't even happen and I didn't have. But I had a lot of space and everything. Before my grandmother would get home from work. I had, you know, girls. And these are all like coming of age things for sure. That was probably like 13, 12 or 13.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look, I know that I'm gonna run into that. I understand that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just think, to me, the late night is the least time you can get.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's what I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they're far away from you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want him to come on my new West Elm couch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's understood. Understood.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on the couch downstairs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. Make the downstairs couch. Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a very expensive couch. Yeah, it's not gonna be here till December.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Between every place where four points of cushion meets, you should just draw woman's butt cheeks around it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look, he's. He's gonna. I. I think he's fine. He'll be fine. You know, he's got.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't think this is. That you're creating a school shoot or anything. I don't want to make it sound extreme. What I'm saying. I'm just saying.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're saying I'm gonna create a jizz factory in my basement. I mean, what the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No jizz factory for sure. And I'm saying I think the Internet that on. Like having that much access to the Internet in. He doesn't distance away from you guys. But how.

[Bobby Kelly]

So he has a phone, right? He has the TV downstairs and that's it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The phone's everything.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but the phone is regulated. I have all the stuff on it he can't go on. The only thing you can go on is YouTube.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but he could delete anything he looks up.

[Bobby Kelly]

But on YouTube, there's nothing on it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

YouTube is what I'm saying. If he just goes on safari on.

[Bobby Kelly]

His phone, it's connected to my. I own the phone. Anything he does, he sees the search history. I can see it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but he could clear his search history.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's very simple. I'm saying it's very, very simple to hide these things. I don't know if you have the technology, as much tech as you do as.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, I do. I do know how to find stuff on his phone. I'm the one who is in charge of checking his phone, his downloads, what he gets. I know how to do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You read his text to people and stuff?

[Bobby Kelly]

Read all his texts. Soon as he goes to bed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you do when you read the text? How do you do it?

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you do? You just click texts and look at them.

[Bobby Kelly]

I go through his texts and if I see somebody number I don't know, I go and I read that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Certain friends I know, you know, I'll be like, I'll read that, make sure there's no inappropriate stuff in there, and that's it. And when.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you know what? Lewis just found out that his son's gay. That his son is gay.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's been putting this. He said no, he's saying it on stage. There's something where there's a button on the text you would never think to push that brings up a drop menu that says recently deleted. And everything you think you've deleted is in there in texts.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I know that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you didn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do know that. And also on his. On his, like, he used to have, you know, Facebook above all that stuff. Tick tock, all gone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

The only thing he. The only he uses his phone for and most of the time around us is. Is YouTube. And then he has video games. He plays video games. That's the. The video game thing is a little crazy. He's playing with guys like you and me, and that's weird. I have to. Well, it's just, you know, Call of Duty, but I'm saying there's no kids.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm worried for you. For. Exclusively.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not like bombshell stuff from Max coming your way. It's just that what's going to hit like a bombshell when you see. Because the things you're saying. I don't even say. I'm not even saying it's wrong. I'm saying, like. But if you find out, like, I don't want you to be emotionally destroyed when you go, he fucking uploads and deletes Instagram every night, and he's on Instagram chatting with people all night long.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would. I would not be. Anything he does. Look at, dude. Anything he does that's not drugs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Robbing people, hurting people physically.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't believe that's the. The path he's headed.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I am. Oh, I know he's going to fuck up with the web. I know he's going to, you know, talk inappropriate or send stupid things. I'm worried that in those processes, when he does these stupid things, number one, he learns from his mistakes. Right? If I come to go, dude, you did this. This is bad. This is why. Blah, blah, blah. He understands it's because a lot of stuff he does. Doesn't even know what the fuck he's doing. Doesn't even know what it means. So it's my responsibility. I'm actually glad I catch him in these mistakes now as opposed to later, because now I can say, yo, this, this, this is fucked up. This is why. You know what I mean? There was a kid doing some swastikas at school.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Didn't know what it was, right? Didn't. All this shit happened. Didn't know what it was. I took Max home That night, talked to him about it. Doesn't even know how to say it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, dad, let's hit the tattoo shop. I got an idea.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had to. I had to, like, I sat down and Don watched. We watched videos with him about all the stuff that that represents now. And then we watch videos with him of all the stuff that's going on in the world where. And I was like, that is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's like, these guys have a great point.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, he was actually.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, wait a second.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was actually horrified.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Only 6 million, you know, I know a couple. Hey, grab gnome Gray. There's more. There's more over here. What did he.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he's not that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Max is a whistleblower on Hiding Jews. It's possible. You give him enough rope, Bobby, he's going to eventually become a whistleblower for Jews being taken away.

[Bobby Kelly]

He didn't understand what that represented. You know what I'm saying?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And now he does. And he knows that it's horrific stuff. I mean, the Nazis really did fuck up a great logo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They really did fuck up a really fun thing to draw. I mean, wow, it is so fun to draw.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's almost as good as the Yankees logo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In fact, if you ever see any of my doodles in my life and you see a square made of four smaller squares, it's because I had to walk away eventually and had to close up the open edges. That swastika I just drew. But all you could turn a swastika into is a four pane window.

[Bobby Kelly]

A shitty window that nobody wants.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, why'd you just draw a shitty four pane window? Oh, don't worry about it.

[Bobby Kelly]

But the thing. See, you did that every kid up with these things, so I'm almost glad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That I'm saying I didn't have. I just didn't have as big a freedom arena as. Or. Or when I did, I. I broke into my grandmother's tenants room to steal his porn. Found porn way too young, I'd say for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

No point.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It definitely became a very important thing to me in my life.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. No porn. He watched a little bit of that. I talked to him about it. I told him the stuff you're watching is abusive to women.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you said, this is the better stuff here.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I showed him. Yeah, I showed him the trainer surprise 17.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. This is called ghetto gaggers. This is where they take random women of color and they stick their white down their throats until like a saliva sort of foam starts building.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pay attention. These are real maids.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

These are real maids. Max.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Max. You're gonna see a word here in the subtitles that I put on the closed caption gak. Now, that is the noise it makes when a person's. How do you say, mushroom tip. Hits the reflex.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now you know. Mom, we have a friend over the word cuck. No, he's. He's fine. He's fine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Welcome to Nada Yada Island. Next on Nadia.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yada Island. I knew I deserved so much more, so I left. I finally switched to Metro and got what I was looking for.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get one line for only $25 a month with autopay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just bring your phone to Metro and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Experience all the data you want on.

[Bobby Kelly]

The largest 5G network.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's nada Yada yada. Only at Metro by T Mobile. First month is $30.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bring your number and ID offer not available.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If with T Mobile with Metro in.

[Bobby Kelly]

The past 180 days. ABC Wednesday. Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting gears.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like.

[Bobby Kelly]

So a couple of days when his daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that door, you look back at me and gave me a double bird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was 18.

[Bobby Kelly]

The double bird was how I ended all our conversations. The wheels come off. Can we try to talk to each.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Other like rational adults?

[Bobby Kelly]

Have you watched the news lately? That's not a thing anymore. Series premiere Wednesday, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Meet Flip.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's one half of a Flip flop. That's me who got left behind at Celebration Key, Carnival's exclusive paradise in Grand Bahama. Uh, I chose to stay here. It really is paradise. So now Flip spends her time lounging on the beach, swimming in the lagoon and eating. The only thing more impressive than my appetite are all the dining options. Yeah. Have you tried food service to your cabana? Ooh, yum.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Flip.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where'd she go? Book your cruise. Vacation to Carnival. Celebration Cay. A paradise you'll want to lose yourself in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ships registry.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Bahamas. In Panama. No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You say you'll learn a new language each year, but few actually follow through with this. Babbel makes it easy for you to learn one in less time than you think. Babbel's 10 minute lessons created by over 200 experts helps you start speaking a new language in three weeks or at your own pace. Como estas? I'm only on week one with focus on practical real world conversations. It makes learning to Communicate easy and effective. It's been very, very easy. I've done it when I've been in the car. I've listened to it in the car when I've taken long drives. And it has been very, very helpful. I'm going to pick up this Spanish before you know it so I can finally talk to my own daughter. Listen, let's get more of you talking in a new language right now because Babel is gifting our listeners 60% off subscriptions at babbel.com bonfire and you get up to 60% off babbel.com bonfire spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com bonfire babbel.com bonfire rules and restrictions.

[Bobby Kelly]

May apply, but I am 100% going to run to all this stuff. I told Don the next. I said the next four years. Very important that we are around this kid, doing things with him in his life because if he.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're teaching him how to shoot, that's good. You're taking him trench coat shopping. All this adds up. Good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think it's going to be great. You let him listen to a bunch of crazy heavy metal and slipknot. Dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're one of his favorite people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. It's gonna be great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Terrible.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude. I'm telling you, I was a good dick joke away from being a school shooter.

[Bobby Kelly]

I should have hooked him up with Jacob. He'd be a gentleman.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Jacob, why don't you teach him how to shave with a brush? Yeah, he wants put some brush shaving cream on instead of me over here.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to say something though. I'm. I'm the. The house. Speaking of the house, we live in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The house of Max. The house of Maximus of Don's dick. It should be called Maximus house. Maximus, dude. The house of Maximus.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude. We. I love my neighborhood. I'm a 10 minute walk away from the most amazing small little town. I can walk down to the train, jump on right to the city every. I love the cul de sac. I love everything about it. I love it. I love it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One Latino family moved in now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, two. No, I'm kidding. But two. I think we moved into the poltergeist house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really? You're seeing things that the chairs are moving around, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine's the first one to actually figure this out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You think it's the house is settling because Max is non stop pounding off on his own floor.

[Bobby Kelly]

We moved into where the graveyard used to be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, is that real?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

They only moved the headstones.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They didn't Move the bodies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, that whole area.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't build a pool.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was a. I was thinking of building a pool.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do not put a pool in that backyard, dude. Tell you one bad storm. Max is downstairs in his little. His man cave and he's counting thunder. Between lightning strikes and before you know it, dude, the skeletons are coming up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dressed to the nines, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

It. I look, we're in the backyard the other day and there's a beautiful stone wall from back in the day. And over that is just trees behind the house. And I'm looking out there and I'm like, what's that? And it was. There was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God.

[Bobby Kelly]

There was gravestones.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you currently in the woods behind the house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But no fence between your behind house and woods.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a stone wall and I guess when they.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How high?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know, maybe waist. Maybe a little lower than waste.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So this is like a. Hop over it and you're in the woods.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hop over it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your backyard? Yeah, hop over a stone wall, woods, gravestones.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's. No, that's. That's really. I don't.

[Jacob]

I actually had that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is this real? This is it. It's just in the woods now, dude. Yeah, that's fucking crazy, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the. That's the woods behind my house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh my God, you're right. Max isn't going to need the fucking basement. He's going to be banging fat goth chicks in these fucking cemetery woods behind your house, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I moved in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is that? Is there a buried house?

[Bobby Kelly]

She's on some other.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's. What is that?

[Bobby Kelly]

She's going too. She's going down a rabbit hole.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that's a. There's a. There's a whole house buried underneath.

[Bobby Kelly]

Snap that witch out of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's in a. Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sorry, I've been jabbing Christine lately.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine, go to my house. You remember you. You the one who saw.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God. Oh, Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

When I. Up, go up, go up. Right, right there. No, upper one more. Upper one more.

[Christine]

That's as far up as it goes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, right there, right there.

[Christine]

This one right?

[Bobby Kelly]

I think that's it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Old Katona Cemetery.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't say my town name, you Fuck.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Said it 11 times on the show.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know, but they don't remember. Oh, yeah, that's behind my house, dude.

[Christine]

Wait, should I not tweet this out?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, don't. I'll tweet your address out.

[Christine]

Your address.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got your address right here.

[Christine]

I already brought Christine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine broadcast it and someone took A picture with her in front of our place.

[Bobby Kelly]

I gotta get you on it twice.

[Jacob]

Cemetery.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why don't you tell them? Why don't you tell them what the pick four you do every day is let them know our apartment number.

[Christine]

Well, somebody told me those stone walls that are built up were like to hide for the soldiers.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, those are. No, those are. Those are. No, when they had this was all. That's farmland. So when they dig up all the dirt and cut the trees down and they dig up off to make the farm, all those rocks came out of it. And they use those to separate. This is property lines. That's from the ground. When they made farmland, they used all the rocks from digging up the ground to make a good soil to make a perimeter around the farm. So that's what those.

[Christine]

And there's just graves just everywhere you go. Graves everywhere.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, that's nuts. Yeah, that's. How many like yards from you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Four? No, it's.

[Christine]

Is it really like you just walk over your little fence and this isn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like a football field away? This is like.

[Christine]

No, it's like Buffy the Vampires.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Buddy, that's nuts.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, well, they.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you didn't know that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. I didn't. They didn't put that in the ad on fucking Zillow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Would that have. Would that have legitimately changed your mind about buying it initially?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. I have to do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's got to be a thing. There's got to be. There's a thing. There's. I've seen plenty house I love, but it's like there is deal breaker things. And I would have to say a forest cemetery behind me is one of them.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's what. Here's what I. I rented a house when I moved from the city, sold my apartment and bought the house in between there. I rented gnomes old house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

His father said you rented gnomes? Like I think you just buy those.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I liked it. It was cute.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like a cute joke on the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Show Little garden gnomes.

[Bobby Kelly]

I liked it. So Nome his father, he lived in his father's house. He lived right across the street from a cemetery. I mean, right? I mean, that's all you looked at was gravestones. That didn't bother me because whatever. There's something peaceful. I think I like cemeteries. They're peaceful places. You know what I mean? No, what? What? What? What freaks. What I don't like is places that used to be cemeteries.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't like you, they didn't move the bodies. There's no chance they move the bodies?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, they did. They move. I have to do more research, but I'm pretty sure they moved all the bodies into the new cemetery and left.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And left the headstones.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. Maybe they didn't. Maybe they ran out of money and they couldn't get the last eight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's no way, man.

[Christine]

There's bodies under there. You think those are skeletons for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have to do some research.

[Christine]

There's no way they can disintegrate it.

[Bobby Kelly]

What I'm worried. Here's what I'm worried about, is that the. All the property we're on, because this is a newer neighborhood. It's not that old. That. That whole area for sure was the. The place. They dug all that up and then put homes there. Because my. This. This cul de sacs. There's three cul de sacs, I think, and it's all new. Newer homes. You know, I hope the word.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hope the word. I hope the word for your town is like. Means like. Like murderous white soul snatcher. Yes, exactly. Something crazy. It's like, yeah, Land of death.

[Jacob]

Where I grew up in Marlboro, that it was cemetery just like this, a quarter of a mile from our house. And it was a suburb, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

And we learned later. I mean, it's crazy. We used to pass it to go to the train station. Everybody passed it. Turned out a black Civil war regiment was buried there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, well, my house in New Hampshire, in the woods this last summer, I was in the woods right behind. I have, like, you know, hundreds of acres behind my house. Definitely bodies right behind my house. My neighbor Marie, who lives up there all year round, we're walking through, and I'm kind of making a trail. I wanted to, you know, I make the trail up into the woods for the hike, and there was a pile of rocks, and there was a couple of them. And she's like, oh, those are the native graves. And I was like. I go, what? She goes, those are native graves of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The angry natives that we killed to steal their land. Why you think that's going to be a problem? Just because you put a little fire pit outside tiny house?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's right in the back there. But I talked to somebody, and they're like, it's probably not native graves. It could be, but it might be. Jesus, you're freaking me out. It might be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at these. Look at these savages that. That found the place you live. Oh, God.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's his name? Sachem Lenape.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sachem.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it? That's Connecticut, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And the Whoppingers.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now go, go. Go to New Hampshire. New Hampshire? Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, the Ramapos. So funny part of Tonkatiki.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, Ramapo is up. Up in. Across the. In across the river on the Tapan. Z.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This place is.

[Christine]

Martha Stewart tried to trademark the name and members of the tribe and local residents opposed it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She angered the spirit of your town.

[Bobby Kelly]

She did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Martha Stewart angered the.

[Christine]

For a line of furniture.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God, you guys are dead.

[Bobby Kelly]

So what's happening? Indian name.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now you got Max living right underground with them.

[Christine]

It says. Oh, sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You buried your own son down there with them? You left them alone subterranean, with all these evil spirits. You think it's not going to possess him first?

[Bobby Kelly]

Do not tell him that. Do not tell him this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. He doesn't listen to the show, does he?

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't ever. No, he. Does he. No. Sometimes. But if you see him, don't ever bring up the. The cemetery.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't wait. Like when you come in here one day and you go, guys, I didn't want to bring it up for a little while, but, like, Max hasn't spoken a word in four weeks. Do you think he's just been staring and not blinking for the last four weeks? I don't know. Our lights flickered one night and he's never talked since. I'm starting to think, should we.

[Christine]

Like he's gonna find the graves.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it Rampapo? Is that the Indians? Ramapo. Ramapo, Father.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good morning.

[Bobby Kelly]

He starts talking like Dan Soda.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is a fine, fine harvest this day we find ourselves in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dan Soto can't do voices. He was just up by my house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In four moons. You will let me stay home from school because I had the sniffles last night.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude. And now with all the leaves and the trees, it's getting. It's like when you look out there, it's little creepy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, of course. It's a bunch of dead Indians in your backyard. I would say that's pretty scary.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, well, the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like Indian in the cupboard, but it's full size Indians in your backyard.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want to hear a creepy? Last house I lived in, at the end of the street when you came up, there was a patch of woods. Okay, it was just woods. And it went for a little ways, you know, no trail or anything. So one day, me and Max, we caught one of those orb spiders in the backyard. Big spider, but they. They're harmless. Like banana spider, they call them. You ever see Those.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bring up a banana spider. One day I came home. This was in the backyard.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll scream anyway if I see it.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Or yeah, the one. The one to the right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. That's a. That's a scream.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's huge.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. That's not. I wouldn't touch it if it was on me. I'd yell. I would roll around.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, they're harmless. They're not really gonna.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would slap it out with a broom and then I would throw the broom away.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I took the orb spider.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, they eat the bugs. They're actually good. We had a garden and it was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can you put like a wig or some makeup on or something so it's not so ugly if it's doing all this good in the house.

[Bobby Kelly]

So we took the ord spider.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Some funny pajamas maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

I took it down to the woods down the street and I was just gonna let it out in the woods. So we walked down there. We found one in the woods. Didn't even know it was there for years. One gravehead in the woods just across. No name, nothing. Just in the woods. Are surrounded by a neighborhood. Little patch of woods. And there's just one person dead in there. And they left the grave. So I left the spider, no name on it. I left the spider no name. I left the spider on the cross. I left it on there. We came back the next day covered in orb spider spiders.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you relocated it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I put one. The next day we came back. There was thousands.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's what happened to black people. Do their neighborhoods.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm kidding. There was no spiders. Next day we just left it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And it was creepy because they brought one. Next thing you know, everybody else starts moving out and all the orb spiders start moving in.

[Christine]

Somebody kind of like buried their animal out there.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, no, it was. No, it was not animal. It was. It was a full fledged.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I feel like if you stared it long enough.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stone, it was not a. Oh, I.

[Christine]

Thought like I was picturing like a woodcraft.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, stared at it.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was a. An actual.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you stared at it long enough, your name appears.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's crazy. That's a good idea.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've already thought of so many great horror movies idea. What if all those trees in your backyard are when they put people in pods and grow trees out of them? When they put your full body in tree pods. And then one day when lightning hits all the trees, all the people come out of their tree pods. It is creepy, but more than likely that's A good horror movie thing. But more than likely what's gonna happen is Indian spirits are going to take your boy over. Not gonna steal him. He will become the spirit of the mighty Indian. Yes. See these things right here? That's what I mean with a bunch of.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is a tree pod.

[Christine]

You get buried in the tree pod.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They bury you with like, like, like you're gonna crash in an airplane.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Head between the knees. And then they just put you in a sack with tree shit. And there's a tree. And then the roots will eventually blast through your body all weird.

[Bobby Kelly]

That body is in the same position I am on usually Thursday nights when I get ticket counts for the weekend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got that. I got the call today to go, hey man. He goes, he goes, sales for Buffalo are looking fantastic. And then he sends the, the percentages of what's sold. And you're like, that's not great. And he goes, so you know what? Why don't we just close it out and just sell all the, the few tickets that we have left by doing this morning Shred and Ray, which I love shredding Reagan in Buffalo by doing Shred and Reagan on Thursday morning. Calling in. I was like, like, sure man. Yeah, let's do it. So we can just move these last few, especially that one. That's 36% sold. You know what? Let's just not hope it's going to be all walk ups on that one and let's. I'll do a little promo.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. We didn't know he said few. He meant hundred.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, we're about a hundred more tickets per show.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a little angry at you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

Not angry, but I don't know what the word is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm telling you how to raise your boys.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I, I love that you care.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do care.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know you do.

[Christine]

Are you perturbed?

[Bobby Kelly]

Perturbed? Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's the word, perturbed. I went away for two weeks and you didn't even ask me anything about it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You told me we can't talk about it at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

You didn't even ask me about it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Immediately the first thing when you came up. Yeah, I said please because let me tell you, okay. Without giving away too much information. Yeah, here'cause I don't wanna. I said, this is why I haven't brought it up, so don't be perturbed. I want to hear all about all of this. You said like you have a hard time in chemo. I talk about it, but all I have information that I don't have an NDA signed here so I could tell you. What I had was I got ahold of Bobby for 45 seconds to a minute. Once during this time, I called him. I was excited to tell him some news we had and also some other stuff. Stuff going on. And I got a hold of him for a minute. He goes. He goes, hey, dude, what's up? I can't talk for long. I gotta. And it was very quick, and I was like, hey, dude, this is some news. And he's like, oh, that's great. I go, what's going on there? He goes, it's. It's going crazy, man. It's going. And I really can't. He goes, oh, I gotta go. I gotta go. Yamanika's coming. Yamanique's coming. I gotta go. And he hung up with me and then didn't answer my calls or texts for the next week. That was the last I heard from. So I'm dying, you know? And then when I. It was the first thing I said when I saw you, and you were like, I really can't talk about it. And if you can't talk about it. I know. I especially. You can't talk about it with. Because I'm gonna tell everybody.

[Christine]

He does have a blabber mouth.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, that's. It's your thing. Yeah. It's crowd work, fashion and your mouth.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't wait to tell everybody everything.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Christine]

You want to tell everybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, me and Jacob French kissed once. We said we weren't going to tell anybody ever.

[Bobby Kelly]

What.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We said we would never say. Nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm just saying. You didn't even, like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, I did, but I'm trying.

[Bobby Kelly]

To respect the thing, but nothing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Buddy, I want to.

[Bobby Kelly]

You didn't even try to get anything out of me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We said you had an NDA. I don't want to fuck you over.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I want to hear all of it. I. I've got theories, because, I don't know. I would say we could say who was on it, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would say Yamanika didn't make it the whole way through and not on, like, a. She couldn't hack it. I just. I feel a splurge of anger that just is not going to be resolved in the time before it takes for her to demand to be out of there. Bobby Lee took a serious injury simply getting out of a bed on Bert Kreischer's tour, so I have to assume he's not long for the world and not gonna handle good in those situations. And Jim Norton, well, let's just say he's proven he can adapt. I think Jim Norton, he'll make do with whatever you hand him in life.

[Jacob]

I think what you're saying is, though, you would have liked Jay to just asked, how are you doing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But he's being crazy because it was immediate. You mean on the air?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Got you. But I thought it was NDA, so you don't want to have a whirlwind of people bugging you, asking questions you can't answer.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just. I just thought on the air you would ask, you know, hey, you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, did Yamanika make it?

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't talk about it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I got a million things.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, just ask something. Maybe there's something they can.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. Did anybody get caught masturbating?

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't talk about it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. This is going to be the best show, but it's going to make me want to punch my TV before it comes out. Is there any will? They won't. They's going to think. Do you and Bobby Lee finally go for it?

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't talk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. Dude, what did you sign? How long is this NDA? Who made you sign the NDA?

[Bobby Kelly]

The production company. Well, here's the thing. I'll tell you this. It was the woods are. And I mean this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All jokes aside, you were in Canada, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

In Canada. You know, we spent days prepping, you know, all the safety stuff, but we had to go through.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sorry, but we have to take a commercial break. We will be right back. No, we kind of do. I know we kind of do. I looked. I was like, please be close to a time where I go, oh, Bobby, that's great. But listen, here's the problem. We gotta do some reads here. We have a guest coming in.

[Bobby Kelly]

We do. We do have to take a break. We'll save this for another day. Hey, listen, Big J is going to be all over the place this weekend. He's going to be at Helium Comedy Club, I believe. This weekend, right? The 24th and 26th. And then he's going to Brick Town. He's got a. He's got a few tickets left, hopefully shredding.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Reagan's probably going to really put us over the edge. So if you want to jump on now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, get him to 65 sold comedy club in Oklahoma City. The first and the second. He's going to do a little party over at Nichols and Dimes. What's it called?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Red Dog.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Red Dog down the street. Strip Club. Then he's gonna be in Austin, Louisville and Houston. Phillies coming home.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I tell you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Tickets and all of the other days. BigJComedy.com. yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You should watch the documentary. Nothing else. I think you'll. It's a really great documentary about a strip club, the Red Dog. It's not like a. I watch it. It's great. It's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

I definitely watch it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was such a thing. Someone. I read a thing that said it was good. I was like, how could this be good? A documentary about a strip club. And it's just fascinating as hell.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm going to say this. When. When this thing comes out, whenever it comes out, whatever way it comes out, it's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's. It's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Were friendships tested?

[Bobby Kelly]

Can't say, buddy. It is the woods. I. I might have up. I. I didn't know where we were, where we're going. And it was a. It was a tax thing. It was a money thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, it was supposed to be. Donnie Dust was your guide, and now it's like Bobby Lee.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, we got Rebecca, this woman. Rebecca.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A woman.

[Bobby Kelly]

And her whole team went up with us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they were they men.

[Bobby Kelly]

They did an amazing job. They actually made this camp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But they were men. Right?

[Bobby Kelly]

But they weren't there with us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, just the girl.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. And it. It.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have to look left and right and your best help is a girl. Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jesus Christ. What?

[Christine]

That's sexist.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, here's the good news. Bobby can't her. Norton doesn't want to her.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby Lee tried.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby Lee tried.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Yamanika called her a white.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was gonna say. I'm not gonna let this white tell me what we're eating. Robert Kelly's gonna be at Uncle Vinny's in Point Pleasant, New Jersey. Maybe you could ask him there and he'll tell you. October 26th, comics come home. Everybody. TD Garden. The big show. It's happening November 2nd. Bobby's gonna be on that after that Miami afternoon show at the Improv with Ari Shafir before they go to Cuba. And then Wichita, Arkansas, the cousin leg of the tour coming back to Mars Plains, New Jersey. And you can catch Bobby every Tuesday night, 7pm the fat black Pussycat Lounge. The Comedy Cellar. For tickets and all tour dates go to Punchup Live. Robert Kelly. We could also get a bunch of his content. We'll be right back. Do we have. Is our guest here?

[Christine]

Jacob?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is our guest here?

[Christine]

Honey?

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, Honey, honey, Baby doll.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob. Real quick. Is it happening? Jacob no, but I just want to. Before we go to break, I want to be able to say if we have a guest coming or not. Is it here? Is he checked in? Who is it? Jake do we have them? JACOB they're not here yet. They didn't come.

[Bobby Kelly]

They should be here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So they don't know. Okay, but probably not. But maybe. Jacob? Jacob?

[Bobby Kelly]

Jake?

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's the bonfire.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob Hummingbird.