The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode: "Beating Up Sam Roberts"
Date: September 10, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bonfire sees hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly back behind the mics in classic form—combining their brand of unfiltered comedy, relentless riffing, and inside-baseball talk about the New York comedy/podcast scene. Jumping off from Howard Stern’s much-teased return to radio, Jay and Bobby spiral into absurd (and hilarious) speculation, roast SiriusXM colleagues, and plot a hypothetical battle for succession over Stern’s legendary studio. The episode takes detours through pop culture references, dark humor about the Holocaust, a debate about comics playing Saudi Arabia, and rants about the disconnect between millionaire advice and everyday reality.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The "Breaking News" About Howard Stern (01:00–08:45)

• Jay and Bobby riff on the speculation and marketing blitz about Howard Stern’s teased announcement, poking fun at the SiriusXM workplace buzz and Stern’s larger-than-life persona.
• Friendly mock-conflict arises over who’s most in-the-know about Stern’s news and who picked up calls during the week.
• Memorable fake news moment: Bobby claims Howard is returning to terrestrial radio with Opie, Anthony, Jim Norton, Robin, and Artie Lange in a “Howard Opie in a Show” (04:08), escalating with every new “celebrity” added.

Bobby (04:08): "Opie and Anthony are coming back with Howard. It's called the Howard Opie in a show."
Jay: "Holy... And Jim Norton is fourth mic!"

• After the absurd build-up, they reveal there is no real news—Stern simply announced a delay in his return—to comedic deflation.
• This sets up the recurring theme of media hype and the anticlimax of entertainment news.

2. Who Gets the Stern Studio? The SiriusXM Hunger Games (09:15–24:40)

• Jay and Bobby mock the idea of what will happen to Stern’s studio if (or when) he leaves, imagining a brutal, WWE-style fight among SiriusXM’s on-air talent.
• Colleagues like Bennington are ruled out (“too hip”), and Sam Roberts becomes the target for their jokes and imagined dominance battles.
• They rate the relative physical threat posed by other SiriusXM personalities—Sam, Troy, Travis, One-Eyed Mike—riffing on who's a pushover and who requires a comically elaborate takedown strategy.
• Plans include Bobby, Jacob, and Black Lou on each other’s shoulders in a trench coat (17:40) and Christine seducing rivals into submission (19:02).
• Running gag: The idea of “beating up Sam Roberts” becomes central as the hypothetical power struggle, with Jay promising full wrestling moves if it comes to a physical showdown.

Jay (22:00): "I'm going to be like, Sam, let me pick you up and do a little slam on the ground. And then... I'm going to beat him unmercifully."

• There’s an extended, sarcastic fantasy about creating "The Bonfire Compound" or "Bonfire Encampment", complete with dark World War II allusions, pushing their boundary-pushing humor.

3. Pop Culture Riffs: Holocaust Talk and Movie References (12:53–16:08)

• A spontaneous reference to Schindler’s List—focused on the “girl with the red coat” scene—launches the hosts into a darkly comic sidebar about Holocaust movies versus other types of re-watchable films.
• The banter straddles shock humor and genuine discomfort; they tease each other and the crew about Jewish suffering/identity, with Jay likening Christine’s Holocaust references to being Ari Shaffir.
• They segue into old bits about Rich Voss’s pronunciation (“attic/addict”) and the inimitable art of riffing.

Jay (14:14): "Too bad they're gonna burn her face off."
Bobby: "Did they?"

4. Comedy, Wealth, and Tone-Deaf Advice (31:42–42:49)

• Conversation pivots to a critique of Kevin Hart’s public speeches about financial literacy in the Black community, with Jay noting the speech closely mimics Laurence Fishburne’s scene in Boyz n the Hood.
• They satirize millionaire advice (“Buy the company that makes your favorite underwear”; “Just get a chef, you'll lose weight”), noting the advice is useless to people without money.

Jay (42:49): "It's crazy. Once these people get millions in the bank... 'Dude, what you got to do is buy a piece of property.' Dude, it’s not easy to get property!"

• Bobby shares an anecdote about a friend's casually unattainable "get an antique car” recommendation, and both riff on how out-of-touch such advice is to the average person.

5. The Saudi Arabia Comedy Festival Dilemma (46:38–57:04)

• Discussion shifts to the offers comedians are receiving to perform at a festival in Saudi Arabia, despite the country’s harsh penalties for LGBTQ people and women’s rights issues.
• Both hosts explain why they and some peers won’t go, despite the huge amounts of money offered (sometimes up to $375k).
• They speculate (half-jokingly, half-seriously) about what could happen to openly gay comedians or women comics if they perform there.
• The conversation is peppered with dark jokes about cultural punishment and fake legal hypotheticals about “Wallys” (male guardians for women in Saudi Arabia), as well as the risk/reward calculation of taking the gig.

Jay (53:30): "Would I go? At very least: $100,001. So I feel good about that. But for $250k? I am going."
Bobby: "I heard Shane turned down a lot."
Jay: "He probably just didn't want to go in general."

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Howard Stern Hype:
  "It's genius. To get everybody so whipped up about it and then, to just make us wait... Howard Stern speaks is pretty cross out... Today’s date, and then put the eighth instead." (Jay, 08:47–09:01)

• On SiriusXM Infighting:
  "I'm telling you, Sam Roberts can't beat us up together. No chance." (Jay, 16:24)

• On Dark Humor Boundaries:
  "One day she'll sue-prize us and be on the show." (Jay, 08:00)

  "I am Ari." (Jay, 13:45 – after making a Holocaust joke)

• On Pop Culture Parody:
  "Are you just giving Larry Fishburne's furious style speech from Boyz n the Hood?" (Jay, 31:49)

• On Comedians Working Saudi Arabia:
  "Jessica, just by nature of what she is, I can't assume is going to be able to leave with her clitoris." (Jay, 49:45)

  "Could you imagine? That would suck. But if they killed Jessica by stoning..." (Bobby, 51:38)

• On Money Offers for Saudi Gigs:
  "Tim said $375 [thousand]... that’s a building!" (Jay, 52:08)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------|---------------| | Howard Stern speculation/tease | 01:00–08:45 | | SiriusXM ‘fight for the studio’ riffs | 09:15–24:40 | | Holocaust/Schindler's List sidebar | 12:53–16:08 | | Comedian power rankings/takeover plans | 16:12–24:40 | | Disneyland & ‘Disney adults’ | 22:19–24:14 | | Kev Hart/Boyz n the Hood finances bit | 31:42–36:39 | | Millionaire advice is useless | 42:49–46:02 | | Saudi Arabia comedy festival debate | 46:38–57:04 | | Wrap-up, gigs, and club dates | 58:02–59:36 |

Tone, Language & Style

The hosts maintain their signature blend of sarcasm, biting honesty, and dark, boundary-testing humor. The episode is unscripted and filled with running gags, callbacks, and in-group references to the New York comedy and podcast world. The banter is fast-paced, frequently irreverent, and at times both self-deprecating and intentionally provocative.

Summary Takeaway

If you missed this episode, know that The Bonfire brought back-to-back laughs by skewering industry gossip, lampooning their peers, and letting their comedic imaginations run wild with topics ranging from SiriusXM hierarchies to the pitfalls of “get rich” advice and the hazards of international performing. The “Beating Up Sam Roberts” episode encapsulates The Bonfire’s unique blend of inside jokes, raw banter, and a willingness to take any bit to its most extreme (and hilarious) conclusion.