Beating Up Sam Roberts

Summary

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The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode: "Beating Up Sam Roberts"
Date: September 10, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bonfire sees hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly back behind the mics in classic form—combining their brand of unfiltered comedy, relentless riffing, and inside-baseball talk about the New York comedy/podcast scene. Jumping off from Howard Stern’s much-teased return to radio, Jay and Bobby spiral into absurd (and hilarious) speculation, roast SiriusXM colleagues, and plot a hypothetical battle for succession over Stern’s legendary studio. The episode takes detours through pop culture references, dark humor about the Holocaust, a debate about comics playing Saudi Arabia, and rants about the disconnect between millionaire advice and everyday reality.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The "Breaking News" About Howard Stern (01:00–08:45)

• Jay and Bobby riff on the speculation and marketing blitz about Howard Stern’s teased announcement, poking fun at the SiriusXM workplace buzz and Stern’s larger-than-life persona.
• Friendly mock-conflict arises over who’s most in-the-know about Stern’s news and who picked up calls during the week.
• Memorable fake news moment: Bobby claims Howard is returning to terrestrial radio with Opie, Anthony, Jim Norton, Robin, and Artie Lange in a “Howard Opie in a Show” (04:08), escalating with every new “celebrity” added.

Bobby (04:08): "Opie and Anthony are coming back with Howard. It's called the Howard Opie in a show."
Jay: "Holy... And Jim Norton is fourth mic!"

• After the absurd build-up, they reveal there is no real news—Stern simply announced a delay in his return—to comedic deflation.
• This sets up the recurring theme of media hype and the anticlimax of entertainment news.

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2. Who Gets the Stern Studio? The SiriusXM Hunger Games (09:15–24:40)

• Jay and Bobby mock the idea of what will happen to Stern’s studio if (or when) he leaves, imagining a brutal, WWE-style fight among SiriusXM’s on-air talent.
• Colleagues like Bennington are ruled out (“too hip”), and Sam Roberts becomes the target for their jokes and imagined dominance battles.
• They rate the relative physical threat posed by other SiriusXM personalities—Sam, Troy, Travis, One-Eyed Mike—riffing on who's a pushover and who requires a comically elaborate takedown strategy.
• Plans include Bobby, Jacob, and Black Lou on each other’s shoulders in a trench coat (17:40) and Christine seducing rivals into submission (19:02).
• Running gag: The idea of “beating up Sam Roberts” becomes central as the hypothetical power struggle, with Jay promising full wrestling moves if it comes to a physical showdown.

Jay (22:00): "I'm going to be like, Sam, let me pick you up and do a little slam on the ground. And then... I'm going to beat him unmercifully."

• There’s an extended, sarcastic fantasy about creating "The Bonfire Compound" or "Bonfire Encampment", complete with dark World War II allusions, pushing their boundary-pushing humor.

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3. Pop Culture Riffs: Holocaust Talk and Movie References (12:53–16:08)

• A spontaneous reference to Schindler’s List—focused on the “girl with the red coat” scene—launches the hosts into a darkly comic sidebar about Holocaust movies versus other types of re-watchable films.
• The banter straddles shock humor and genuine discomfort; they tease each other and the crew about Jewish suffering/identity, with Jay likening Christine’s Holocaust references to being Ari Shaffir.
• They segue into old bits about Rich Voss’s pronunciation (“attic/addict”) and the inimitable art of riffing.

Jay (14:14): "Too bad they're gonna burn her face off."
Bobby: "Did they?"

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4. Comedy, Wealth, and Tone-Deaf Advice (31:42–42:49)

• Conversation pivots to a critique of Kevin Hart’s public speeches about financial literacy in the Black community, with Jay noting the speech closely mimics Laurence Fishburne’s scene in Boyz n the Hood.
• They satirize millionaire advice (“Buy the company that makes your favorite underwear”; “Just get a chef, you'll lose weight”), noting the advice is useless to people without money.

Jay (42:49): "It's crazy. Once these people get millions in the bank... 'Dude, what you got to do is buy a piece of property.' Dude, it’s not easy to get property!"

• Bobby shares an anecdote about a friend's casually unattainable "get an antique car” recommendation, and both riff on how out-of-touch such advice is to the average person.

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5. The Saudi Arabia Comedy Festival Dilemma (46:38–57:04)

• Discussion shifts to the offers comedians are receiving to perform at a festival in Saudi Arabia, despite the country’s harsh penalties for LGBTQ people and women’s rights issues.
• Both hosts explain why they and some peers won’t go, despite the huge amounts of money offered (sometimes up to $375k).
• They speculate (half-jokingly, half-seriously) about what could happen to openly gay comedians or women comics if they perform there.
• The conversation is peppered with dark jokes about cultural punishment and fake legal hypotheticals about “Wallys” (male guardians for women in Saudi Arabia), as well as the risk/reward calculation of taking the gig.

Jay (53:30): "Would I go? At very least: $100,001. So I feel good about that. But for $250k? I am going."
Bobby: "I heard Shane turned down a lot."
Jay: "He probably just didn't want to go in general."

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Howard Stern Hype:
  "It's genius. To get everybody so whipped up about it and then, to just make us wait... Howard Stern speaks is pretty cross out... Today’s date, and then put the eighth instead." (Jay, 08:47–09:01)

• On SiriusXM Infighting:
  "I'm telling you, Sam Roberts can't beat us up together. No chance." (Jay, 16:24)

• On Dark Humor Boundaries:
  "One day she'll sue-prize us and be on the show." (Jay, 08:00)

  "I am Ari." (Jay, 13:45 – after making a Holocaust joke)

• On Pop Culture Parody:
  "Are you just giving Larry Fishburne's furious style speech from Boyz n the Hood?" (Jay, 31:49)

• On Comedians Working Saudi Arabia:
  "Jessica, just by nature of what she is, I can't assume is going to be able to leave with her clitoris." (Jay, 49:45)

  "Could you imagine? That would suck. But if they killed Jessica by stoning..." (Bobby, 51:38)

• On Money Offers for Saudi Gigs:
  "Tim said $375 [thousand]... that’s a building!" (Jay, 52:08)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------|---------------| | Howard Stern speculation/tease | 01:00–08:45 | | SiriusXM ‘fight for the studio’ riffs | 09:15–24:40 | | Holocaust/Schindler's List sidebar | 12:53–16:08 | | Comedian power rankings/takeover plans | 16:12–24:40 | | Disneyland & ‘Disney adults’ | 22:19–24:14 | | Kev Hart/Boyz n the Hood finances bit | 31:42–36:39 | | Millionaire advice is useless | 42:49–46:02 | | Saudi Arabia comedy festival debate | 46:38–57:04 | | Wrap-up, gigs, and club dates | 58:02–59:36 |

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Tone, Language & Style

The hosts maintain their signature blend of sarcasm, biting honesty, and dark, boundary-testing humor. The episode is unscripted and filled with running gags, callbacks, and in-group references to the New York comedy and podcast world. The banter is fast-paced, frequently irreverent, and at times both self-deprecating and intentionally provocative.

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Summary Takeaway

If you missed this episode, know that The Bonfire brought back-to-back laughs by skewering industry gossip, lampooning their peers, and letting their comedic imaginations run wild with topics ranging from SiriusXM hierarchies to the pitfalls of “get rich” advice and the hazards of international performing. The “Beating Up Sam Roberts” episode encapsulates The Bonfire’s unique blend of inside jokes, raw banter, and a willingness to take any bit to its most extreme (and hilarious) conclusion.

Transcript

[Ad Read Announcer]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly. All right, I can't take it anymore. We've waited long enough. What did Howard Stern say today, Jacob?

[Christine]

You don't know?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hmm?

[Christine]

You don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know.

[Christine]

Bobby knows.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

DJ Lou, I'm not playing Jacob's little wacky game here. Howard Stern, big news. September 2nd. He's coming back. We're coming back. He had big news. What happened? Give it to me straight.

[Bobby Kelly]

I woke up a little late.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black Lou, you work here. You got your finger on the pulse. Everyone thinks you're the coolest dude here because you're one of five black people now. Howard Stern, big news. Four came back today.

[Bobby Kelly]

They fired four black people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, shit. One of four. Really? They got rid of Marcus Marquis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Marcus is gone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was with a Q. Marquis.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was gonna be him or Lavelle, but they kept Lavelle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, shit. Damn. I'm gonna miss Marquis. You're one of four black people here, so clearly you have your finger on the pulse. Howard Stern's coming back or not. Today was the big discussion. There was trailers made about it. Tune in September 2nd. Here it is. The mysteries are over. We're gonna lay it all out. What's going on with Howard's turn Future? I chose not to listen today because I wanted to come in fresh to the building, feel the energy in the building. It does feel electric and alive in here. There's. There's a buzz in the building. I can only assume what was said, Black Lou. Lay it on me. Howard Stern's moves for the future. Are you know.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't hear a thing about it. Oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Any callers? Do we have callers? Does anybody know what happened with Howard Stern? Jacob, you know. You want to tell us?

[Bobby Kelly]

I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Why are you going to say it like that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who called you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, why did you say it like that? You heard that, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You listened to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did everybody hear it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it was on the radio.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, your tone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't know you listened to it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Your tone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're reading a tone. Wait a minute. I've done nothing but miss the shit out of you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I miss you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You didn't take any of my phone calls this week.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. First of all, you call me. You put me in the queue. Your queue and my queue were.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They overlap.

[Bobby Kelly]

They overlap our cues. Cause I called.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's fair.

[Bobby Kelly]

I called you at six in the morning.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a fair overlapping.

[Bobby Kelly]

While I was walking doodles through the woods, I gave you a shout out and you didn't pick up. OK. You call me at like 11:42.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was a little phone tag. A little bit of phone tag. Our cues are different times. For sure. For sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm just saying when. When you. If we could rewind a little bit. I said, I know. And you said what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I said. I said. Do you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you hear that? Do you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't know you listened.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was a big announcement.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I heard.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

September 2nd.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know what's happening.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's happening? You know what? You're right. Drum roll. Make it big. Howard Stern returns to the airwaves September 2nd and says he's going back to regular radio. He's going back to terrestrial radio, everybody. Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

But he's signing on with Opie and Anthony.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shut the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Opie and Anthony are coming back with Howard. It's called the Howard Opie in a show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Holy.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Jim Norton is fourth mic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get the fuck right out of town.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's crazy. It's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I heard they were gonna have Artie Lang on a little zoom box in the corner too.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's actually in the box with Robin.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With Robin in the zoom box.

[Bobby Kelly]

Robin and Artie Lang. Yeah, that's right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is gonna be one powerhouse show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stuttering John's back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No way.

[Bobby Kelly]

I swear to God. And they hired suing people. Kevin Brennan is a writer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get the fuck out of town.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's on the show writing. Shut up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sue Costello something. She's doing something in there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sue Costello is actually one of the eps.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shut the up, dude. Pure genius.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Front to back, top to bottom.

[Bobby Kelly]

The. Are we Doing today, kids?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You want to talk about the news?

[Bobby Kelly]

You want to come up and be close to me like that again?

[Ad Read Announcer]

You?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I was suspicious of what the thing was going to be. Yeah, I speak in Costello.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me tell you something. This. I was in suspense.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

All weekend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh my God. Of course you were.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's scary.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? It's like heights invoking. Invoking her name. We're not Sue Costello enemies over here. There's nothing to be afraid of.

[Bobby Kelly]

Love her. Love her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've. She brings me much entertainment.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No heat here. Morning, sugar muffins. Watching the actresses reward each other's clothes or address the award to another event in 2022 at the Venice Film Fest is warming my heart. Aw. Influencers. And fast fashion can be very tacky. Well made things worn a lot is more than a touch of class. It's sustainable. Hello. She did it for your purse. And energy as well. Who doesn't love it, dude?

[Bobby Kelly]

Everybody does. Jacob. Lots of sustainable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob has a crush.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on. Lou, Susan, up. Susan. Dude. Lou, Susan, up. Bro. I love plugging the name in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now if he. He. Howard. Did they offer him a deal? Is there a deal on the table? Do you know anything? Does anybody know anything? Is there a deal? Is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait. I don't want to jump ahead because I don't know if you know this. When sue did. Tough crowd. The women would ask how she did it. Every woman. Because she was the only woman, I guess, ever.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And here's the answer. She didn't let the men gang up and intimidate her. They would literally not laugh at her hilariousness so that the audience wouldn't laugh. They laughed and emailed me that my brilliance intimidated them. Thank God for the men who secretly. Sue. Port me. She's done it again. She has done it again. I support you, Sue.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just real quick, fact check. Judy Gold, Sarah Silverman, Laura Kilmartin, Lynn Koplitz, Wanda Sykes, Kathy Griffin, Jeanine Garofalo and Carol Montgomery were also on the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was plenty. That's plenty.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a lot of women.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's so many fucking women.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a lot of women.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Look at that. Garoff the Garoffinator coplets. Yeah. What is fucking? That's crazy. But you know she did it. Sue did it.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I do support her claims.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, of course you do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Being the only strong woman.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're saying that I don't. Fuck. Sue. Sue.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, dude, chill out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I'm saying Sue instead of you. Okay, good I'm saying you to you, but it's who.

[Bobby Kelly]

I get nervous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not. No, no, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's fucking scary.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One day she'll sue prize us and be on the show.

[Bobby Kelly]

One day she's gonna sue us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's gon sue studio. God damn. Howard Stern. As I assume the world does know. Unless you're under a fucking rock or just couldn't give two shits anymore about any of this, but just bailed today. He's gone this morning. No, no, I don't think he's gone. There's no news. He just this morning came up and said, yeah. He goes, ah, we're going to come back on the eighth. So he just moved it to next Monday. This morning. It's quite.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's really crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

They made a poster for and everything. Huh. Howard speaks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The poster. There was a commercial that was like, it's genius. Epic.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's fucking genius. Well, to get everybody so whipped up about it and then to just make us wait, make a poster. Howard Stern speaks is pretty cross out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Today'S date and then put the eighth instead.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's pretty genius.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's pretty wild.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Because now I really want to know. I can't wait. It's like having. I like goals in life. I like having little. Little missions. And now I have a goal. Till next. Was it the Monday?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's something to look forward to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We have to be Howard Stern studio ready by that day because I hear if he leaves, they're giving it out immediately. I want to be first in line. Who do we fuck up first? Who do we take out in this place? Christine, go through the. The in house New York series XM talent.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're gonna have to take out first.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bennington.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, not Bennington. Benny seems too hip. He's not going to want to go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't want. No, he doesn't want to take someone else's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Old Bennington's too hip. He's going to want to stay where he is. He doesn't need fancy hoorah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

To make radio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I think Jacob just nailed it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think so.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Roberts.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think Mr. Roberts is fully putting his feet on the ladder of success.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're gonna give him a whole wing for wrestling.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, wrestling and the morning show. He's the morning show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can't be both.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's the morning show and then he does a wrestling show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But he's just a tiny little guy. He doesn't need all that room.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's not tiny anymore.

[Christine]

He gets the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. I don't mean as a. As a personality. He's a small guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not with the. Guess he's getting. Do you see the guest. Small.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're making it that I'm attacking his.

[Bobby Kelly]

His penis is not that small.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not talking about his penis either. I'm talking about. He's. He's not a big. He doesn't take up a lot of space as a human being.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he got fat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's not fat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude. He got fat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How dare we call him that? Are you out of your mind?

[Bobby Kelly]

That is a very.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a karmic mistake, that is.

[Ad Read Announcer]

We're forgetting how famous.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fat Calling the kettle fat. What?

[Ad Read Announcer]

We're forgetting how famous Andy Cohen is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's that?

[Christine]

But is he here?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good answer, Bobby. Who the is Andy Cohen?

[Bobby Kelly]

Goddamn right.

[Ad Read Announcer]

You know who Andy Cohen is.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't.

[Christine]

Don't you want the book to be called the Bonfire Compound?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Christine]

We wanted to call access to get into the compound.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not the compound. The camp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, the camp.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bonfire Camp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's our encampment.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's our camp. What do you mean?

[Christine]

Oh, I like compound.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know you do, because you're a. You're a white supremacist. That's why.

[Christine]

Then we have to actually film the TV studio.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hitler books.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The Bonfire Yard.

[Bobby Kelly]

The yard.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe the Bonfire Camps. We make it sound like, in terms of bonfire internment camps.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, well, I mean, I don't know if that's good. That might fly actually, nowadays. That actually will.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That'd be great. And as you walk by. As you walk by the. Because we don't need all those offices back there. So the unused offices will just be housing, like, refugees and, like, weird refugees.

[Bobby Kelly]

We could always have a train noise in the background. Like a train leaving or coming. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And all you'll notice the whole time is one little girl holding a red balloon. A red balloon.

[Bobby Kelly]

Balloon.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A balloon.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which is. Balloon.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, there it is. Perfect. That's the train coming to take you to certain doom.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Welcome to the Bonfire Comedy Camps.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Andy Cohen said flat out, he actually. Him and Stern had a minor gripe because he went on his show and said he wanted to go in there. And he said that he wants that studio as soon as Howard's done. And Howard was like, dude, don't have such, like, jock riding bullshit. He's like, do your own thing. You don't care. You don't want my studio. But Andy Cohen's gay. That's not gonna deter him. He's like, howard doesn't understand how fabulous it's gonna be.

[Bobby Kelly]

I heard Big Jim was gonna make that his office. It's very possible he's actually taking the whole wing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, they killed the little girl.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he's putting a pickleball court in the. In the wing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, they show her face for no reason.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is this? What are we looking at?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Liam Neeson being crying over all the dead Jews being dragged around.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus. So they have kids.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Bobby, these are the kind of motions you're going to deal with when you finally decide to acknowledge the Holocaust happened.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is a movie, Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

This is a movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I understand. So was Passion of the Christ. Do you believe that? You believe in the Passion of the Christ?

[Bobby Kelly]

So weird that they had that wheelbarrow and only two kids on it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can fit more.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They could have fit more, for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

These three wheelbarrows.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. But they really wanted to showcase the. The girl with the red. The girl with the red coat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was that the girl? Oh, that's so sad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, she's the only thing in color. They want you to follow her story.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of this cute little girl so you can see when she's dead on a wheelbarrow. That's what they wanted to make you feel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus, Christine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I am Ari.

[Ad Read Announcer]

He deserved it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, that was also to Ari. Ari does deserve to be accused of being a Jew.

[Ad Read Announcer]

You're a Jew.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. He. Ari would have been killed first.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. No, he would have finagled his way to being the. The F. Murray Abraham guy. He would have been typing for sh. Blur and doing whatever, making them laugh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my. She's adorable, this little girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. Too bad they're gonna burn her face off.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, did they?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that what they did?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Depends who you're asking. Me or Mel Gibson? Who you asking? Me. I think they did.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God. Oh, there she is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that is so sad. They did burn her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. She was very smart, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is the worst movie ever. I watched this movie one time. Never again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, well, it's not really like a re. Watcher.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not like the Godfather 2. You watch it anytime it's on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was thinking more like, you know, rad. Or Gremlins.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob. Jacob will flip a beer open every time this is on. Oh, he'll watch it three quarters of the way through.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob loves a good alone cry, I bet. A good alone cry about a Judaism.

[Christine]

I mean, we watched this loop four, five times. Since you've brought up this conversation, I'm.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gonna keep looping it until you lose that boner, mister. If he was going to sit here with a hard dick all day looking at this little girl, whole life trajectory.

[Bobby Kelly]

So sad. Now who should go under the bed and hide?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

How'd they find her?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who knows, Bobby?

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at her walking through the street. Nobody's acknowledging.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know, Bobby. Because they're the superior race.

[Bobby Kelly]

They looked, cuz. They looked under the bed, stupid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, they checked under a bed for a child?

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, make sure. Hey, guys. Nobody's here. Check on the bed. The bed. That would suck.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you check under the bed yet? 9.

[Bobby Kelly]

The funny thing is they never check the attic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. Anne Frank. How smarter them. Higher ground.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did I say attic right? Or just say it like Voss? Attic. Addict. He says addict. Oh, you said addict when it's an addict. He says attic when it's addict and addict when it's attic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, don't look to him for like, speaking.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's true. Not anymore, at least.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you did, that's your own fault.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did. I did for four years. And it really. It took me down a path I didn't want to go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Listen, I'm not worried about Andy Cohen. I'm telling you, I could wreck his with ease.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm telling you, Sam Roberts is. I'm telling you right now, he's gonna try to get in there and get a piece of it. Not all of it, Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, this I'm describing is physical combat in the hallways here. And I'm telling you, Sam Roberts can't beat us up together. No chance.

[Bobby Kelly]

But they got that tattooed Samoan that works for them. Who, what's his name? Troy. He's a dangerous guy. And that's Samoan. I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. I was thinking of a word to call him that would be offensive, but not offensive. Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is he just fat?

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't. Do you want me to just hand out facts?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is Troy fat guy?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he's not. Well, he got a little. He's big.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He jacked.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's big guy. Troy's a problem. And Travis, people, they. They don't think Travis is a problem. You like your Achilles? You like walking?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is he little?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he'll jump down to the ground and bite your Achilles right out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why do you believe that to be true?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because look at him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know what these people look like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, look at. They all look like A variation of Sam? Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Travis is a son. Who's that?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's Troy. Now he's a problem.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that's. That's light work for DJ Lou.

[Bobby Kelly]

DJ Lou? You think you can take Troy? It's tough. Give me somebody else.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lou. Come on. Are we gonna have to stick? Are we gonna have to send. Okay, so I guess here's what we got to happen. We gotta have Bobby Jacob and Black Lou get on each other's shoulders with a trench coat. Let me finish the idea.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys are gonna fight Troy together. The three of you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, we gotta stop because you're forgetting One Eyed Mike.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know who that is. Who's that one?

[Bobby Kelly]

I might.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's Travis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Travis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Travis is a problem for nobody. That's Jacob's work.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's a. He'll tell you he's a problem for the people at Disney. This drink is not cold.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I bet. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have an easy pass. I'm supposed to be on this ride within 20 minutes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, look me in the face right now and tell me you couldn't up Travis. I will.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're right. Cool.

[Christine]

I will.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Easily done deal. Do easy work.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do me a favor. Wrap leather around your ankles because that's what he'll go for first.

[Christine]

Consider it done.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, great.

[Christine]

Sam looks like he wants the compound.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna go up. Sam. Me and Sam are gonna go one on one here because everyone's pussing out over here.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna have to go. I mean, I'm gonna need help, but I'm gonna have to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you and Black Lou are gonna have to work on Troy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, who's gonna work on One Eyed Mike?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where's my wife? I didn't see One Eyed Mic go back. This might be a Christine job.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he's gonna have to do some sexual stuff because this guy was in the military.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, so then here's we have to do. We're have to swing over Travis to Christine. I. Christine might be able to beat up Travis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob's not gonna take One Eyed Mike. Not the two on one. One on Mike Mentone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think that's the big guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think. I think Christine is gonna have to use sex.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

To take care of Mike.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you mean? Like just like flush him out?

[Bobby Kelly]

She's gonna have to like promise him things if he stays out of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's see.

[Bobby Kelly]

There he is. He's jacked.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is he jacked?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Look at those arms. Dude, he's jacked.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's got crazy Eyes.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got one eye. He's missing an eye.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's missing an eye.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Military action.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, so here's the thing. He's got one eye. Jacob, you and Black Luke just keep circling this guy. He's gonna get confused at some point and fall over.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, we gotta stop real quick. Which eye is missing the right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The one. All right. His left.

[Bobby Kelly]

But are you sure that's the missing one? Because that could be the fake one. That's open all the wide.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Yeah, that's a missing one with the fake eye.

[Bobby Kelly]

The missing one is the right one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or is the left one our right or his right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. This right. That eye right there. That right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think the open eye. The big open eye is probably the fake.

[Christine]

I would like to see. I don't think Black Widow seducing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would like to see that.

[Ad Read Announcer]

I bet you would.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, Christine, I guess the jury's. I guess the jury's in. You're. You're some. So what is it? One eye. We're taking him out. One eye, mic out.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think Christine takes one with a little seduction.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys would rather tag team Troy than a military guy with one eye?

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not going to take Troy out because he's married and he just got married.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Take him out.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Specialty.

[Bobby Kelly]

I forgot about that. This home wrecker where you were misusing her fucking talents. Maybe this homewrecker from Huntington Beach. Whatever. Hermosa. We set her up with Troy, wreck that marriage, destroy it. And the rest of us take out One Eyed Mike. You take out Sam, I'll get Sam. And you're gonna. You're gonna take out Travis. Yep. All right, you guys, you know what you're doing with Travis. Do not. Do not under. Underestimate Travis, okay?

[Christine]

Underestimate me.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know, but his.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You do this, by the way, all of this can rock at Skank Fest.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Legitimately.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll tell you what, though. They both have twaty tone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And twat face down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's no way that guy I just saw the pictures of is doing what Jacob does with resistance band work every week. There's no chance.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but he could be doing it. He could be. Really? He goes to like Disney World like 17 times a year walking around. His legs are solid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It doesn't matter.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm telling you, Jacob is like. Jacob's in the shape of like. I don't know how to describe it. Like Jane Fonda in like 87.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jack LaLanne.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. Jacobson. Jack LaLanne shape.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. So we got this down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So I guess I'm gonna take Sam.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you gonna do to Sam?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you gonna do to Sam?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna act. I'm gonna complete with full power wrestling moves because he'll think we're playing around, and then I'm gonna actually work, and then I will actually suplex.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're gonna rampage Jackson's son?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. I'll go full Raja Jackson on this.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're Raja Jackson. Throw him down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I'm going to be like, sam, let me pick you up and do a little slam on the ground. And then I'll. And then you'll reverse it. But when he thinks I'm playing around, I'm going to. I'm going to beat him unmercifully.

[Bobby Kelly]

And by the time he wakes up, it's going to be too late. We have the studio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're in the studio. Doesn't matter. Our chairs are in there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Got it.

[Ad Read Announcer]

He really loves Disneyland.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's ridiculous. It's a thing he actually said to me.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Disney adult.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is how much he loves Disneyland. And I love Travis. But he said. I said. I was thinking going to bringing Max. We've never been. And he was like, please let me book it for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is Max gay?

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Disneyland's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Max didn't want to go. Oh, no, Max is not gay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gotcha.

[Bobby Kelly]

But in my brain, I'm like, I've never went. Don's never went. Maybe we should take him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you gay?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, not anymore.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

We went to Universal instead. Oh, instead of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys are bi?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But.

[Bobby Kelly]

But we thought that, you know, okay, we should probably take Max. So he goes to it. But then he didn't want to go. But he. He was like. Travis was like, please let me book it for you. I guess if you are going to Disney World, he will book you the most amazing trip and get you everything that you should get. Because he's been so many times.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at him. He bullied his daughter to becoming an athlete so she can win a championship so they can have a reward of going to Disneyland.

[Bobby Kelly]

That'd be. That'd be hilarious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What a terrible father.

[Bobby Kelly]

She went and like, where you going? And she goes, not Disneyland.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's so fun. Where are you going? Six Flags Darien Lake. Six Flags Richmond, Virginia.

[Bobby Kelly]

Canobie Lake Sale of New Hampshire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nowhere. Great.

[Christine]

Some of the best arrest videos I'll watch are from Disneyland because it's the greatest juxtaposition. Because they're the worst trash on earth with bunny ears. And goofy walking around and they're just threatening horribly drunk, beating up everyone, really.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I see it. I see. It's black guys walking out and threatening the. The police officers while there's just children around everyone eating ices and people cheers. And he's just walking around. He goes, but some. Put that gun down. Be totally different. And he's been hot nuts.

[Christine]

Hot nuts with Minnie Mouse walking past him. It's the best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, Jacob. I mean, you have to eliminate. I'd say eliminate Travis quickly. And then you could jump on. You could jump in the action with.

[Christine]

He's my office mate.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With Bobby. I believe Bobby's having sex with Troy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna say this, though. Watch out for his wife, because his wife is a problem. She's. She's tough. Jacob, his wife is a problem. If she's around. Do not go at him, Jacob. She will take you down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You could put her down with one backhand to the jaw. I swear to God, I'm telling you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right now, she doesn't go to Disneyland. You understand me? She works at the docks. She has a hard hat and a vest. You understand? She, she brings home the bacon. Do you understand what I'm saying?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She carves the bacon.

[Bobby Kelly]

I swear, she works at the docks. I'm not even kidding you. She works at the docks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nah, she's no joke, Jacob. One backhand to the face, unconscious.

[Bobby Kelly]

I guarantee you, buddy, do not underestimate.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you watch these videos how easy it is to knock out a lady? It's crazy how easy it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Give him that advice for Travis. Don't give that advice for his wife. Dude, it is insanely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's insanely easy to knock out girls. It's hilarious. I mean, it's fucked up every time, but it's so. It's always like a second thought. They're like scurrying around while a guy's trying to fight, like their boyfriend or something. They're like scurrying around the guy and grabbing him or hitting with a purse. And then eventually the guy has a 3 second window and he goes, let me just pop. All right, now where were we? Like, he just has to like, let me just incapacitate her for 15 minutes with one shot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you ever see when the Russian guy, this Russian lady comes over, just, I mean, balls out, you fucking motherfucker. And slaps this guy in the face and he does not hesitate to knock her off her feet like a cartoon into a fucking bar. And she just, you can see on her face she goes, I fucked up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like, I'm watching great compilations of women cops fucking up. There's a. There's some goodies. There's one lady where they go. The guy tries to drive away when they're pulling him over, and they go, tase him, tase him, tase him. And you hear. And then the girl cops just stand and she goes, oh, my God, I pulled the wrong gun and I shot him. And then just down the street, you just hear the car. You just hear the car crash into something because the guy's just fucking shot in his car. And then she's like, oh, my God, I just did that. Oh, my God, oh my God, I just did that. There's another one where it's like three famous ones. The other one, the girl is. The guy said he has a gun or something on him or something. And then she's like frisking him for it and just shoots him in the fucking leg, like, with the gun like that. He's. He's like. He told her that it was a legal gun or so. He's like, I have my gun, though. And she shoots him right in the leg with it.

[Bobby Kelly]

She grabbed it by the trigger.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's. Dude, she. It's so fucking funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

What was the one with this she. The. The girl cop, she tasted. She shot her taser, but she hit the other girl cop in the side.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, zipping each other. It's. It's so fucking funny. Today's show is sponsored by Better Help. Hey, who do you go to in order to solve your life's problems? Group chat over sharing with a bunch of strangers like a weirdo. There's a difference between that and actually talking with a therapist. That's where BetterHelp comes in. With Clin trained and licensed therapists, they've been around for over a decade. They've helped millions. And out of 1.7 million client reviews, they've got a 4.9 rating. That's pretty good. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. And if you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time. It's fully online and you can pause your subscription whenever you need to. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people. With a 4.9 rating as the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with A diverse variety of Expertise. Find the one with better help. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] Bonfire. That's better. H lp.com Bonfire everybody. Have you noticed that everywhere you go it seems like prices are going up? They keep saying it. The grocery store, your cars, your appliances, everything is through the roof right now. Wouldn't it be nice if prices would go down? Well at Metro, they've got your back. They've lowered their prices and are giving you a five year price guarantee. On talk text and data. One line now 20% lower. Family plans also lowered and you also get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required and no activation fees. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store, Visit metro by t-mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number. Not available if currently at T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guaranty covers monthly price of on network, Talk, text and 5G data for customers activating on an eligible plan. Exclusions apply. Details at metro by t-mobile.com Guys, you know running a business is complicated. There's dozens of software programs that you need and they're all so expensive and since they come from different companies, they don't always play nice with one another. But what can you do, right? Odoo. That's what Odoo has all the software business owners need. We're talking sales, CRM, manufacturing, websites, literally every kind of software and it's all on one platform. So it works together and it's quality software so you're not sacrificing. It's simply a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs. You'd expect to pay a premium for it, right? But that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mini mash of disconnected programs you're currently using. So the question is, why spend more on software programs that are less efficient when Odoo's simple software platform can handle everything for a fraction of the price? Discover how Odoo can take your business to the next level by visiting odoo.com that's o d o o odoo.com ever.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

I watched that get so frustrated. Not frustrated is the wrong word I thought was funny, actually. But I saw Kevin, Kevin Hart on something explaining finances, like how black people are, like, kept behind the eight ball in the hood financially. And he goes through this eloquent speech about what's going on in the hood until you realize quickly is, are you just giving Larry Fishburne's furious style speech from Boys in the Hood? It's the exact speech in the middle of the movie when he just takes Trey and Ricky to the thing. He's like, he goes, liquor store check, cash in place. That's what they do. They always want to keep you down. How come there's no this business? And what kind of no kind of these business? Kevin does that earnestly in a speech. He just gives this thing like, they want to keep you spending cash so you can't build credit so you can't do something. He goes, shut the fuck up. She's doing furious style speech. It's crazy because. Are you assuming nobody here has heard. Yeah, Play this first and you can find Kev's thing. If this was a slapstick movie, you could maybe believe that right there. They're in the most dangerous part of Compton, wherever. And this is the 90s. Everyone's drinking 40s out of bags on the front. Everyone's got a gun and they're all killing each other. No one's afraid to die in this part of the world.

[Bobby Kelly]

So dangerous. They don't. No one has grass on their lawn. It's just dirt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dirt lawn.

[Bobby Kelly]

Even the grass is like, I'm the fuck out of here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Green flight, they call that. It's called Green fleen. Green fleen yo, man, remember we used.

[Bobby Kelly]

To have grass in this neighborhood, Motherfucker.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So Ricky is cartoonishly, as usual, drinking an entire half gallon of milk, as he always is, because they want you to know that he's an athlete and he constantly has to drink calcium. Never made sense, the guy. In fact, by the way. In fact. In fact, he gets shot because he got shot because he was looking down, doing a scratch off on the back of his fucking milk he just bought.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it's such a. It's such a prop. Milk. It says milk in such a huge.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's just milk. Not even whole skim 2% vitamin D. It's just red milk. Red and white milk. But this is. So, yeah, he starts giving this speech to them. He wants to explain to him about how the hood works, why things are meant to keep you down. And he takes them out to the middle of, like, the scariest hood, in a suit, no less. Well, he's wearing. He's dressed nice for work, and I'm not sure what the job is he has that requires this outfit. Why he still has to live in the shittiest neighborhood in the universe, but.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, he works at the Wiz.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nobody beats the Wiz.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nobody beats the Wiz. He's a manager at the Wiz.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He got called by its old name. He's a manager over at Nobody Beats the Wizard. So he gives the speech. Did you find Kevin's too? Well, here let's him sit and talk. I just want to make sure it's the right one.

[Ad Read Announcer]

You'll know which one it is, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's, like, in front of an audience, talking to somebody. I don't know if it's on his social. It might have been a YouTube thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, let me try to find it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But it's called gentrification, so. Yeah, I forgot about that on the speech, though. So he starts speaking, and you see a guy dressed nice in this area, probably what they're gonna come out and do is tell him to run his watch in pockets. But instead, they come off their porches with guns and stuff and they go, brother, teaching us something. Yeah, okay. That's probably how it would work. Quiet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at the old black guy came in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like when all the animals sang and three amigos when they were going to bed. It's cartoonish.

[Bobby Kelly]

But how did. How did they hear them from across the street?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. You're like, oh, he's talking. Oh, this guy must be giving some real good actual factuals over there. And they don't come up to ask no questions. Like, what the fuck you guys doing here? Children, gang member, open drinking, no one gives a fuck.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's an old guy with a cane that's heard this before.

[Christine]

That's a musical. That's a musical. How they enter the stage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, that's Rollo from Sanford and Son. The old black guy. Yeah, I think he's got a line or two in this. And how. I think he said. He goes. It's these young. Went to something, something. He goes, now, hold up, old man. Now, I don't know if you know this, but Kevin Hart told me, if you buy your own golf course and then put a fast food vegan place.

[Bobby Kelly]

On it, if you buy your own. I hate the advice of millionaires. What you gotta do is you gotta get yourself a bunch of old cars.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Worth, like, you know, $80 million each.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't just wear underwear. When you find the underwear you like, buy the company.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buy the company.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. I go back to the fury, Styles. Ain't nobody from outside bringing down the property value. It's these folk shooting each other and.

[Bobby Kelly]

Selling that crack rocking shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're just the ones who love it. Supply and demand, baby. Those black people did not bring crack in the neighborhood. But when it got there, boy, did they love it. By the way, the acting codes there, you can't see this at home, but everyone just giving, like, quiet nods. Like these thugs, and they're like. Not like in slight agreements. Like your mind's being blown by this. Because you see, that girl just did this. She went.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob was doing the same thing, though. He's giving the speech. If, you know, Jacob's like.

[Christine]

Did you mean Grady? Isn't that great?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's great.

[Christine]

Grady.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. He gave you his real name?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. I said Rallo. Grady. That's what I meant.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, is he Grady from San Francisco? Okay, who's Rallo?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The. The son on the Cleveland Show? The only Rallo I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm such a. Such an. I was like. I thought. I was so happy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, there is a Rob. There's a Rallo on one of those shows.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One of the old black shows. Whether it be good times or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Grady, who the is that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey. Who was that accident?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who was it? Looks like a sports guy, but he didn't. He didn't come in. He came in and stayed. Yeah, like, he came in and stayed. Like we were gonna invite him in. Like, he must have recognized you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right. You know, dude, that Just I became number two on my shit list for who's getting that Stern studio after. After I clean house with Sam Roberts, after I paint the walls with his blood, then this guy's fucking next, please. Why is there a gun shop in almost every corner in this community? Oh, here it goes. Why is it that there's a gun shop on almost every corner in this community? Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

Tell you what.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For the same reason that there's a liquor store on almost every corner in the black community. Why they want us to kill ourselves. Best way you can destroy a people, you take away their ability to reproduce themselves. And we almost did it too, if it wasn't for you pesky kids. And we would have done it too, if it wasn't for your awesome style and hip hop music we all fell in love with.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you didn't take all this stuff, this bad stuff, and make it into good stuff. Now you got grass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here, take this really shitty part of the chicken. I don't care. Everyone's enjoying and eating wings. And we go, looks delicious. How did you make it so delicious? Here, take the fucking asshole of the vegetables and do whatever you want with it. You boiled it down, made it pretty soft, huh? It's good seasoning you got right there. It's pretty good. Give me back that shitty part of the tree now. I want it now.

[Bobby Kelly]

What am I supposed to do? Get eyebrows?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, first things first. Get some eyebrows.

[Bobby Kelly]

Eyebrows. What the. A black dude with no eyebrows is the most frightening thing I've ever seen in my life.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Alopecia. That was a style thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's actually his name. MC Al Lupicia.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Milk.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it's. It's not even in good writing. It's like he painted it with a brush.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't care. You can't pound quarts of milk all day.

[Christine]

So sick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a challenge.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's in California too. It's 99. It's like, I didn't overthink it's in California.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's like, it's a dry heat.

[Ad Read Announcer]

I don't think I've ever seen somebody drinking a carton of milk outside.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, well, let me tell you something.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Ricky in front of the fridge.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ricky is never not. And his milk has a scratch off ticket on it too, by the way. And that's how he gets killed. Scratching off his milk. Scratch off.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a dry killing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Somebody try to roll up. Smoke me. I'm gonna shoot that for Go back to go to Kev's thing now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God. This. This Guy smart enough to open up bank accounts, they gonna get a check. They gonna cash it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a liquor store right next to it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's just put you to be cash driven. That's how we keep the porn poor. It's not until you understand.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, let me tell you something, young brother.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on. Let me take a sip of my milk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hang on now. Y' all take a sip of your milk. Follow on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on. I'm thirsty and it's hot out. I want some warm milk. Go ahead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hang on. You put them guns down. Pick up them basketballs.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love that he changed it from guns because there's no guns in California anymore.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they do this to keep you cash poor. Spend your cash, you come over here, you put it in the liquor store. Then you go at the liquor store. You go home, you whoop up on your wife. Your wife get pissed off. She go out, she saw prostituting and think around in a circle. Damn. I like TED Talk, Kev. God, he was so animated, and he was almost standing up in his chair.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wonder how much property he owns. Like, what does he own?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm sure it's stupid amounts. I bet he owns, like. Yeah, I bet he owns, like, office buildings. Like. Like that. Yeah, probably.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's buy. Let's buy a small office building.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's do it, dude.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Collect rent.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's. Let's me and you buy an office building next to one of Kev's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Next to it, and we'll offer slightly less rent.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know who owns a building? Dove? Davidoff and his brother back in the day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Residential.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. In the late night, in the 90s, in. In aughts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Because David Lee Roth lived there.

[Bobby Kelly]

They were buying just things in East Village because it was all cheap. And they have all. They bought this, then they sold that, and then they bought a building, and they bought another building. I'd love to own a building. We should buy a building.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's be slum lords.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's buy this building. And then we rent out the Stern studio. Instead of fighting everybody, we rent it out to them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I want to, though, but I want to. I want to have enough money, though, that if.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that not. We can't do that. We can't buy this building.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I want to have enough money, though, also in that, like, the rent's not, like, weighing on me too hard, because I want to be able to let young mothers move in who are willing to at times go, oh, my God, please don't kick me out. I don't have the rent again and then let them blow me in the doorway like they do in porn movies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. What do you mean? Jay should own Billy. He's helping out the poor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Free rent.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, kiddo, watch your mom suck my dick and get you free rent.

[Bobby Kelly]

The kid has to watch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Kid has to watch.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everyone's got to pay a little. Everyone's got to do their part.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you're not paying rent, everyone's got to be involved.

[Bobby Kelly]

You'd be a slum lord.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That'd be great. Bobby and Jay, slum lords. Yeah, I gotta go shittily fix an oven after this, so, Bob, you mind doing the last commercial for me?

[Bobby Kelly]

I love to own a building, dude.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Well, this one is estimated at $2.3 billion.

[Bobby Kelly]

Billion?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that all?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In 2016, it was sold for a billion.

[Ad Read Announcer]

A 45 stake was.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, how much do you make on your Patreon?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

How much you make on your Patreon?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't have a Patreon.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, we get a YouTube, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, combined our YouTube and our Sirius XM money, I think over my last.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Couple live streams, I've made almost $1,000 doing that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Perfect.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So there you go. I'll kick that in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we're right there, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll put it. Do you guys have a Folgers jar? We should keep in the studio for this.

[Bobby Kelly]

How much money do you kick it?

[Christine]

I'm gonna buy a cable box soon, so. A couple of Hyundai.

[Bobby Kelly]

A couple. Honey, cool cable box. He's buying the VC box. I don't know if we should talk about that. Anyways.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, Jay, you got you all goosed up on his thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's. It's the best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The v. V box.

[Christine]

Legal.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's legal. It's awesome. I want to talk about it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's legal. Through a loophole.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want to have talk about.

[Christine]

It, but, yeah, no, it's legal.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, dude, I don't want to talk about it. I don't use it. Jacob.

[Christine]

He's not getting that. I'm just getting regular cable.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's getting cable. Cable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't.

[Christine]

I can't go.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's too much. I. I know a friend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't tell. Are you guys doing a fentanyl deal? What's happening here? Are you guys moving Fent, Buddy, if.

[Bobby Kelly]

We buy, this is what we do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Watching Kev being entrepreneur, like, giving speeches like that. Now, listen, it. Bam, boom, bam.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's crazy. I meant, but it's Weird, because once these people get millions in the bank, they. They're living in that realm of it. She's like, dude, what you got to do is buy. To buy a piece of property or is not. It's very hard to get property. You know what I mean? It's easy for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, because you're here. Kevin Hart.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's like Billy. One day I was at his house and he has this antique truck, beautiful Ford, all redone. It's just this beautiful antique truck. He's like, do what you got to do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That rock lights, huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not rock lights. No, it has no rock lights. You're the only one with rock lights.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't have rock lights yet, but.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thursday, it's happening Thursday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think I'll have rock lights.

[Bobby Kelly]

But he said, he goes, dude, you got to get yourself an antique car. Antique. And I'm like, yeah, dude, I don't have 70 grand to get a antique.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not good advice, Tim Dylan tell us that a while back about Rogan. Like, dude, he goes, you. You could lose weight, man. I'm telling you, get a chef. It's that like, the chef will do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude. All you got to do, you get a side kitchen and a side house, and you get. And you have a chef. And you'll lose weight, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's so simple. If a guy prepares all of your meals at perfect balanced measurements, you will lose weight.

[Bobby Kelly]

You will lose weight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can't not. It's foolproof.

[Christine]

That's infuriating.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's completely foolproof.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, listening to R people talk is infuriating.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

People get stagur all the time for that kind of thing. Like, well, you just got to do this and hard work. Whatever. You can't. Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

All the guys are getting for going to Saudi Arabia. Good. That's just for me, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why just for me?

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you giving them. Are you one of them?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, I did. I said I wouldn't go.

[Christine]

What's that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Did they off they wanted you to go?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, they didn't offer me to go. So it's easy for me to say, but that was the thing. I said that on skanks and they were like, you wouldn't go? And I said I wouldn't go. And they were started giving number things.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, let me explain this for a little context. A lot of people Saudi Arabia is doing a comedy festival type thing and they, they. They put out offers to a lot of comedians to come over for a lot of money.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nobody talk about it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nobody knows exactly how Much money, but it's a lot of money. One comic said no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Tim Dillon told us exactly how much money they offered him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, they did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He said it on Skanks.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Wait, is it canceled?

[Christine]

What comic said no?

[Bobby Kelly]

Who do you think no?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It happened.

[Bobby Kelly]

Take a guess who. Take a guess who you think said no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It happened.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Take a guess who you think who had said no. Seriously, out of our group of people.

[Christine]

Oh, your group?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, people.

[Christine]

We know one person.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you who went good. Sebastian Maniscalco has no respect for women.

[Bobby Kelly]

You think they bring Ari? You think Ari. They'd bring Ari. That guy to Saudi Arabia.

[Christine]

I. I think Ari would go. That's the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Throw him off a building.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ari would go, it happened, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Shane. Shane said no.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did it not happen or did happen? I'm trying to find.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it's happening.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It didn't happen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did not happen yet. There you go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

September 26th.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, Andrew Schultz, Aziz Ansari, Kirsten.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't believe.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. Bad friends is going.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I don't understand. She's going. I don't know how she's gonna get back.

[Ad Read Announcer]

No. I don't know how she. Like, she's a lesbian comic. Like, how is she not gonna get. Get killed in Saudi Arabia?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, here's the thing. You got Jess, and then you got Whitney. Whitney. And then you got who? And you got Tim. Tim's going, tim Dillon. Look at this lineup. He's.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Yeah, the dudes, the girl. I. I'm so scared of that part of the world. As a woman.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think they're doing it to say, hey, we're not that way. They want to be more like they.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are that way, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

They want to be like, Dubai.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're trying to. No, I think they're trying. They said a thing. I just go. The reason I wouldn't go this time is because they're still held up on things. Like, there's six years from. There's six years away now from it being illegal to rape your wife. Like, they're almost there.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Almost there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So, you know, I'll wait till they kick into that. They lifted.

[Ad Read Announcer]

They just lifted the ban on driving in 2018. Catching up to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

How funny would be if they. They did the show, and then at the end of it, they did this, like, end of festival thing at the top of a building, and then they pushed all these comedians off the building.

[Ad Read Announcer]

I mean, girls get, like, stoned to death.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll be honest with you. I'm not educated enough on this to know exactly what they do. I just know the stuff I looked up seemed like they want it to be there. It ain't there yet. Like getting it together. So anyway, the thing was to me, for a myriad of reasons that I.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wouldn'T go, Mark, Norman's gonna fucking. He's going to get arrested.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's not going to not say something out of. Because they do have rules. Of course their rule. They're giving them rules to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

What you can say.

[Ad Read Announcer]

I'd love to see that set of rules.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Norman is not going to stick to it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jessica, just by nature of what she is, I can't assume is going to be able to leave with her clitoris.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Ad Read Announcer]

I'm Whitney.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whitney Cummings. That's a surprising one to me. But I said that I wouldn't do it. Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm going to buy that off the dark web. I'm going to buy Jessica's clothes clitoris off the dark way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. And then give it back to her if that's the right thing to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not. I'm gonna get backpack out of it. Oh, I'm gonna make a Bushcraft backpack.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's gonna be. It's gonna hold a lot. That's one big clip. Fluffy. I'm surprised. Chrissy Mozzarell, DiStefano, Louis CK. These are all surprising ones to me. Is Louie going Zarbol Gargs? Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's Zarags?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Zarbol Narg.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's that? Oh, Zarna Garg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What did I say?

[Bobby Kelly]

You said Zarbo Gargil. Gargal Gargs. That's actually. That's a Pokemon Bargel Guard. I just got a Boggle Garg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A grog is a bargil.

[Ad Read Announcer]

I'm gonna look up something else, but it's like, which. Which countries impose the death penalty on gay people? First is Saudi Arabia. So, like, why the would you go as an openly gay woman and Tim Dillon and Tim. Jim's gay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa. He's not out of the closet. Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Very brave. Very brave of you to tell.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine just screamed it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Christine]

Maybe you can eat vagina, but just not in Saudi Arabia.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you can't do gay stuff in the country. Okay.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Only with. Oh, wait, that's Afghanistan, where they.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I ask a question? What's the penalty for homosexuality in Saudi Arabia?

[Ad Read Announcer]

It says death.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. That's just to the point.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Look, which country imposed death penalty on gay people?

[Bobby Kelly]

I hope Tim gets caught sucking a cocktail.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Could you imagine? Could you imagine him in the gallows.

[Ad Read Announcer]

It's literally when I say, like, with death by stoning, it's not like an insane thought that something bad's gonna happen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Could you imagine? That would suck. But if they killed Jessica by stoning.

[Ad Read Announcer]

I mean, she talks about. I mean, she talks about being gay a lot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What if they forced Louie to do it? Like, Louie couldn't leave unless he stoned Jessica to death.

[Bobby Kelly]

If they make the other comics stone Tim and Jessica.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what they did, and that's what he's doing. Handmaid's Tale. Remember, they make all the handmaids stone the other one to death.

[Christine]

Can we ask Jessica, like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What they're paying? I hope so.

[Christine]

A lot of questions.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think Tim said 375.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry, what'd you just say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

375. He said, that's a building. That is. Where? Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

What, in Iowa? In Memphis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's a lot, but I will tell you, I kept my. I kept my pride and my dignity because I said on Legion of Skanks that I wouldn't go to this. And then they were like, well, there's a number for sure. And, like, of course there is, obviously. And I said, but I'm a number. And Lewis's assumption was that they were paying 250k for them to go. And I said, I wouldn't go for 250k. And then they go, we'll lie detector test you. And I said, okay. So I said, for the first thing, ask me, like, 5 million something. I'm like, for sure. I'll go. Then start going back from, like, numbers that sort of make more sense. And I'll say no to all of them, and we'll also see if I'm lying. 5 million. I said no, said I was lying. A million. I said no. It said I was lying. 500,000. I said, no. They said I was lying. 250,000, the number that was our ultimate thing. I said, no. They said I was lying. 100,000. I said, no. Telling the truth.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you'd go for $100,000?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would go for at very least $100,001. I mean, so I feel good about that. There was a number, though, where I was like, that's a. By the way, that's a very high number to me. I don't take. That's not a light number at all. A hundred thousand dollars in any way. So it's like turning that down on anything would be big. So that was still big. It's just, you know, for 250. I am going.

[Bobby Kelly]

I heard Shane turned out a lot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Failed for the chain.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He probably just didn't want to go in general. He.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think he said something like, stop. Stop asking me because there is a number, so stop asking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I don't want to go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you don't want to go up. I think it's so funny. I think I'm a weekend with him that time at that weekend, I think.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I don't know if it's that weekend because it's like a whole. That's. I think that being the festival is longer than it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I might be working with him over that time.

[Ad Read Announcer]

That's what a nightmare.

[Bobby Kelly]

But to. To be offered. I mean, it sucks not to be offered. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I didn't want to go, so I don't care.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, they offered me. I said no too. Oh, I didn't want to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How much they offer you?

[Bobby Kelly]

300.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that all?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's pretty cool. Now If Tim's doing 300. If Tim's doing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I already had a do. And at the port in Baltimore, it's an 80 seater.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is this?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm still selling tickets. It's in two weeks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, very. Every woman has a Wally, a male guardian who makes decisions on her behalf, typically her father, then her husband after marriage. Although guardians can be brothers, sons, uncles, or even male judges, this has meant that women were essentially treated as minors in legal terms for their entire lives. Okay, all right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you not agree with that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I thought that was great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, are you sending me the pros.

[Ad Read Announcer]

Or like it says that it is reforming? It does seem like there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It does.

[Ad Read Announcer]

No, no, I'm happening. It's just so scary.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now. Can Tim be Jessica's Wally and she could be his Wally?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, Wally and Wally.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's Wally and Wally.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That would be great. Couldn't we just have Tim and Jessica become a gay couple? Become a straight gay couple now?

[Bobby Kelly]

But I mean, women, they're reforming. But are they reforming with gays at all?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, they'll still be killed. But women get to kill gays now.

[Bobby Kelly]

But they know that. They know that these guys are out. I don't understand how they made these offers. Like who? Because they could be put the person that loves.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would think it's a trap.

[Bobby Kelly]

But yeah, there's something weird because the people that love comedy or love these people could be so on the outside of things and they could be setting these people up to get there and be into some serious trouble while they're there. I hope so, because they were like. I didn't think. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. And I really hope it goes that way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, me too. I hope it all falls apart if.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We lose three friends to the Saudi Comedy Festival. Come on. That's awesome.

[Bobby Kelly]

We should. We should ask Tim if we can get the money if he does get killed there. If he. If we could have the money.

[Ad Read Announcer]

He doesn't have kids.

[Bobby Kelly]

Give it to us. Yeah, give it to us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, could you text Tim, if you wouldn't mind that If. If we could have his money if they end up killing Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I be honest with you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I feel like if they kill him, they're not going to give the money. I don't think they're going to honor this thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're not dishonorable men.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They just don't like gays.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're going to get the money. These are 300 that. You know what three and 300 and something thousand is to them? Five bucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Poppy dog.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't think, first of all, you don't think Tim's getting the money up front before he goes there?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Dude. Dude, you don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you got to get the money up front when you go to Saudi Arabia as a gay guy. Oh.

[Ad Read Announcer]

The death penalty doesn't apply to same sex relations between women.

[Bobby Kelly]

Only men.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hot.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's hot. Jessica's fine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jessica's absolutely fine.

[Ad Read Announcer]

They're still punished with lashings and fines.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's fine.

[Ad Read Announcer]

But not the death penalty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Jessica's take worse than a couple lashings and a couple of bucks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What if she loses all of her pay to fines? Sorry, we forgot to tell you, you guys gotta pay a gay tax.

[Bobby Kelly]

How much is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your entire check. Thank you. We hope you enjoyed our awkward fucking golden rooms with terrible TVs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we have TVs with the blue, red and yellow light.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We have to take a break because we have to do commercials. America.

[Bobby Kelly]

God bless.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what America's about, advertising.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you know what, Jay? We're staying here in America. Jay's gonna be in Calgary.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's not the Laugh Shop.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not America. That's actually north. It is America.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is. It's North America.

[Bobby Kelly]

North America.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

North America.

[Bobby Kelly]

If Trump has his way. Regular America. September 11th through the 13th. Pittsburgh Improv. September 18th and the 20th. Toronto.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One Night at JFL Toronto. That's what it is. She has it listed. Weird, but it's right after Pittsburgh, the 21st, that's Sunday. Two shows, I think one night. Toronto, just for laughs Festival.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love that, love that festival.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm only there one day.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll be back on the air the next day here with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, perfect. Portland, Columbus, tickets, bigjcomedy.com and Bobby Kelly's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gonna be at the Comedy at the Carlson at Rochester, New York, October 10th and 11th. After that, Tampa, Emmaus, Pennsylvania.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got a gig next week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Port, you said?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, the port. The 13th.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine. She didn't care.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He'll be at the port. Maryland.

[Bobby Kelly]

Portland. No, where am I at Portland? I'm a dickhead. Baltimore.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Baltimore, the Port.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll be there. I think Friday and Saturday night coming up. I think it's the 13th and the 14th or the 12th and the 13th, right, Christine?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well check on punchup Live Robert Kelly. It'll all be there. And of course Bobby's YouTube channel, YouTube.comoberTKelly I'm also doing live streams on my YouTube so follow both of us on YouTube and we will be right back. It's the bonfire.

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