Big Lab Assistant

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Episode: Big Lab Assistant
Release Date: February 4, 2025

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1. Sports Talk: Eagles, Chiefs, and the Super Bowl

The episode kicks off with Big Jay Oakerson expressing his excitement about the upcoming Super Bowl, especially since it falls on Saquon Barkley's birthday. He states, "Super Bowl Sunday is also Saquon Barkley's birthday. It's a double check on the calendar that just makes everything more exciting." [02:04]. Jay anticipates intense discussions between Eagles and Chiefs fans, predicting heated interactions and emotional displays from both sides. He humorously forecasts a tough two weeks for Taylor Swift, linking the frenzy around the Super Bowl and celebrity engagements.

Christine engages in the conversation, highlighting the passionate and sometimes volatile nature of sports fans. She remarks, "It looked like Fallujah last night in Philly. They were shooting guns in the air." [02:53]. The hosts discuss the disparity in officiating between teams, with Jay criticizing the referees for favoring the Chiefs, saying, "The referees are not coming at Patrick Mahomes at all. Chiefs are getting away with crazy stuff that didn’t get called." [09:44].

2. Personal Experiences: Sorority Hoodies and Airbrushing

Christine shares a nostalgic story about airbrushing sorority hoodies for a hockey game during her time at Suffolk University. She recounts, "She was like, can you airbrush our sorority hoodies for the hockey game? Like sweatshirts." [07:08]. Despite lacking airbrushing skills, she embraced the challenge, resulting in inconsistently designed hoodies that became a memorable part of her college experience. Jay humorously critiques the designs, leading to a light-hearted exchange about fashion and creativity.

3. Acting Careers: From Early Roles to Present Projects

A significant portion of the episode delves into the hosts' acting careers. Big Jay Oakerson discusses his role in the film "Big Lab Assistant", reflecting on the challenges of being typecast and the humorous experiences on set. He shares a particularly memorable moment: "I stood in a circle of people clapping me fat. It was too tight." [28:23]. Jay laments the lack of tailored costumes, leading to discussions about body image in the entertainment industry.

Christine mirrors Jay's sentiments, detailing her own acting journey. She talks about her roles in movies like "Ghost Town" and "Koala Bear Kid", expressing disappointment when projects didn’t achieve the success she anticipated. "I was very young in that because I knew this wasn't making it. But I didn't feel like I was getting it," Christine reveals [20:19]. The hosts bond over their shared frustrations and triumphs, offering a candid look into the ups and downs of pursuing acting.

4. Behind the Scenes: Production Stories and On-Set Anecdotes

The conversation transitions to behind-the-scenes stories from their projects. Jay recounts an incident at a film premiere where his friend, Carla, tried to take photos during the credits, only to be interrupted by a fellow cast member mopping the stage. "They rolled the poster up out of the window for me. No one cared about this film." [51:15]. This leads to a humorous exchange about the absurdities of movie premieres and the unpredictable nature of film releases.

Christine shares her experience working with director Barry Strugatsky, discussing the challenges and humorous incidents during filming. She highlights the camaraderie among cast members and the quirky dynamics on set, providing listeners with an insider's perspective on the filmmaking process.

5. Interaction and Humor: On-Air Banter and Comedy Moments

Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in playful banter, injecting humor into their discussions. Whether they're debating pizza toppings or poking fun at each other's acting choices, their chemistry keeps the conversation lively. For instance, when discussing mini hot dogs, Jay jokes, "If you cut them up and wrap them in pastry, I'll do that," [08:30], prompting Christine to laugh and add her own comedic twist.

The interaction extends to their fictional acting scene from "Big Lab Assistant", where Jay and Christine improvise lines, showcasing their comedic timing and improvisational skills. This segment not only entertains but also highlights their ability to weave humor seamlessly into their narratives.

6. Reflective Moments: Balancing Work and Personal Life

Towards the end of the episode, the hosts reflect on balancing their professional careers with personal lives. Jay expresses a desire to simplify his schedule, saying, "I have three weeks off of SNL. We're on a three-week hiatus. I want to be able to do what I want to do." [16:34]. Christine echoes this sentiment, discussing the challenges of maintaining momentum in their respective fields while also seeking personal fulfillment.

Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay Oakerson: "Super Bowl Sunday is also Saquon Barkley's birthday. It's a double check on the calendar that just makes everything more exciting." [02:04]
• Christine: "It looked like Fallujah last night in Philly. They were shooting guns in the air." [02:53]
• Big Jay Oakerson: "The referees are not coming at Patrick Mahomes at all. Chiefs are getting away with crazy stuff that didn’t get called." [09:44]
• Christine: "She was like, can you airbrush our sorority hoodies for the hockey game? Like sweatshirts." [07:08]
• Big Jay Oakerson: "I stood in a circle of people clapping me fat. It was too tight." [28:23]
• Christine: "I was very young in that because I knew this wasn't making it. But I didn't feel like I was getting it." [20:19]
• Big Jay Oakerson: "They rolled the poster up out of the window for me. No one cared about this film." [51:15]
• Big Jay Oakerson: "I want to be able to do what I want to do." [16:34]

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Conclusion

"Big Lab Assistant" offers listeners a blend of sports commentary, personal anecdotes, and behind-the-scenes insights into the entertainment industry. Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly (alongside guest Christine) navigate through humorous exchanges and reflective conversations, providing a rich and engaging experience for fans. Whether discussing the fervor surrounding the Super Bowl or sharing candid stories from their acting careers, this episode encapsulates the blunt and candid essence of The Bonfire.

Transcript

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Christine]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Christine]

I'm happy. I'm happy for you. I really am. I'm very happy for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Christine]

I just hate your energy. I mean, it's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, listen, yeah. What I'm really most excited to watch unfold because this is the best thing I. I texted you this yesterday. Now becomes the best two weeks in sports broadcasting for a fan of one of those teams. Because the next two weeks is just Eagles, you know, and Chiefs talk.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

About the super bowl, which is absolutely fucking great. Also, we are about to enter and this will become historic. The two worst weeks of a young Taylor Swift's life. Her beautiful, wonderful life. My early prediction. And I said this, and mark my words, everybody. Christine, did I say this last night? Early prediction. There is some sort of a public thing in the next two weeks where they have to be like, yo, Philly, come on. Like, that's a real human being you're talking about and making these dolls of or AI pornography or I'll give you a bunch of more ideas or I mean, she's gonna have a real rough go for two weeks.

[Christine]

The worst. I mean, you guys are the. The worst fans online.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's going to be stuff that people are going to be like, all right, that's bad.

[Christine]

I mean, it looked like Fallujah last night. In Philly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was crazy. They took to the streets.

[Christine]

They took to the streets that are shooting guns in the air.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, yeah, Kansas City just had barbecue and like, went to be like, yeehaw.

[Christine]

Yeah, they went home. They went. They were in their cars getting in. There was not even. They didn't have traffic at the stadium in Kansas City.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, first of all, you know, there's some kind of like a hover plane, like a. An X Men style hoverplane that Taylor Swift takes out of that stadium. Something opens in the floor, and then she just rises out of it and takes off. She's about to have a really miserable two weeks. It's gonna be so rough. And I, again, can go either way, but I am very excited for two weeks, which, by the way, how fun is this? Two weeks to the day. Super Bowl Sunday is also what. Listen to this story. Saquon Barkley's birthday.

[Christine]

Is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Come on.

[Christine]

On the Super Bowl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Double check it, Christina. They said that on TV yesterday, and I was prepared to believe it because that's fucking pretty awesome.

[Christine]

Wow. If he wins the super bowl on his birthday, that's a great present.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, it's crazy.

[Christine]

He's. He's like, he's. He's ridiculous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's insane.

[Christine]

He really is. I can't believe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. February 9th. Yep. Super Bowl Sunday.

[Christine]

How did New York let him go?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, it's funny, Lou, do you watch all the Hard Knocks? Yes, I watched that part over and over. Can you explain? I'll be honest with you. I saw like once or twice, like the part they're talking about. But, like, what was the actual story? It was. I keep hearing it's over $2 million only was letting him go, and they let him go. Tell me, correct me if I'm wrong on this. They were like, they sort of had to make a decision on franchising him or Daniel Jones. You know Daniel Jones. You're a huge fan of him. You told him to his face. Yes.

[Christine]

Is that the guy? Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They in fact paid Daniel, hugged Daniel Jones leg and told him he's a wonderful athlete.

[Christine]

Gushed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, man, that's my boy. Can I smell your feet? What's your feet smell like? Turf. They. They franchise Daniel Jones instead and told Saquon he could check the market. They wanted him to get some prices and come back to them, but he's got a price for the Eagles and he was like, you know what? They want me. And so I'm going to go there. And they franchise Daniel Jones, gave him all this money and in the middle of this season, just let him go. Daniel Jones. So they have nothing now for all that mistakes. Wow. There should be a major firing over there. So I have no idea how they let him go. Did you watch the thing? What was the guy said? Was there, like a cavalier attitude about it, like, he'll be back? Absolutely. He didn't think the market was out there to sign him or people that.

[Christine]

Would want to sign him with his age.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's 20, by the way. He's 27. When you hear those things. He's 27 years old.

[Christine]

In football, that's 62.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In football, it's. In football, it's 27. Football, it's 37. For sure. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Christine]

Like his position.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I said he's like a. Three. Three more years of making an impact, and you go, those guys. I was talking with this, with somebody yesterday about the football players, how they just be like, for years. It's like their name is always up there and their team is great, and they're like, one of the best. Larry Fitzgerald, good example of that. Like a receiver. I remember he was just torched the Eagles all the time. I beat him to go to the super bowl the one year and playoffs a few times. And then like five years later, you're like seeing a Cardinals game, and they're like, larry Fitzgerald. But you're like, he's still on the team. Like, I haven't heard his name in five years. They just kind of go away.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When did Randy Moss leave? You know, I mean, it was just one year. He wasn't Patriots for the Pats.

[Christine]

And then I think that was it for him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Adrian Peterson beat a kid, switched cities. That was the year they fucking. And then retired.

[Christine]

18. They almost went 18 and up. And then stupid Giants. God helped him catch a football on his head. Fucking losers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was definitely a hard one to watch. I'm sure that was the last.

[Christine]

That was the last time I was really into a sports team.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It hurt you that much?

[Christine]

It hurt me. It hurt me that much because people were like. I remember my first two things.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Could do that to you. A woman in your sports team. Yeah. Can break you where you're never the same.

[Christine]

Yeah. Kristen Foley did that to me. Started banging a hockey player at Suffolk University and lied to me. Told me it was her cousin Sean and I. And I airbrushed their whole sorority. Airbrushed T shirts for the hockey game.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I was up like two days. Just air. I don't Even had an airbrush.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you say, were you a good airbrusher?

[Christine]

No, I was not a good airbrusher. I just bought one. You know me, I just buy the newest, latest and greatest. I bought the best airbrush machine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I had hilarious.

[Christine]

She's like, can you airbrush our sorority hoodies for the hockey game? Like sweatshirts for the hockey game. And I did it. Each logo was different than the other.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. No consistency.

[Christine]

No. I think I misspelled one of the girls names. Sarah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whose coat? Oh, it's supposed to be Kate. The line's weird.

[Christine]

Ah, fuck. Her and Sean.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Her and Sean. And she did my airbrush. Past was beeper cases. I didn't do it. I would get it done at the mall. You take a peeper, you drop it off. And I think both times maybe that I had it done because I was pretty excited. Once the pagers flipped to the side view, I was excited to go to the side view. Didn't care about airbrushing anymore.

[Christine]

I like the. What was the. The flip. What was the. The kick. The kick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sidekick.

[Christine]

Sidekick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, but I'm talking about pager times.

[Christine]

I know, but the side. But the next level was the Sidekick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love when you got.

[Christine]

When you got the bigger. When you had a little bigger screen. Oh, the Sidekick. And you got the keyboard. Remember that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do.

[Christine]

Sidekick was the shit. I wish they could bring that back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They did at one point.

[Christine]

I do a Sidekick now instead of an iPhone. Like a hyped up, juiced up sidekick with AI, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You could probably get me onto a Sidekick now. The screen's too small.

[Christine]

Nah, dude, listen. Ready? Watch this. Flip Sidekick it, thumb it, flip it back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How about this, though?

[Christine]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, like the Sidekick. The screen has to be the size of an iPhone.

[Christine]

How about this? The Sidekick. But the screen expands because they have flexible screens now. Rolls out to a size of an iPhone screen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It'll be a weird shitty screen.

[Christine]

Oh, you're just being negative, dude. Come on. We're supposed to brainstorm.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you want to call T Mobile?

[Christine]

I can. Oh, Greg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Greg's your guy.

[Christine]

Greg's the guy who started T Mobile.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Greg. Timothy Mobile?

[Christine]

Yeah, do you know him?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. I did the Wikipedia.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Sidekicks. What a great show. Starring Chuck Norris and Ernie Reyes Jr.

[Christine]

Yeah, it was a good game yesterday. And I got money from Fenoya on the second game, which made me happy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you did. He wanted the Bills to win.

[Christine]

He wanted the Bill. I knew they weren't going to win. Kansas City's going to win. The Bills are just jinxed. That whole fucking. I love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I'll tell you, love Buffalo, but.

[Christine]

It'S a cursed place to be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do live in fear that. Just not God or anything. But man, you through these playoffs, you really got to see the referees are they want Patrick Mahomes happy.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, they do not come at that guy at all or. And almost, I should say the Chiefs in general. I mean, the amount of, like, face masks, they were getting away like crazy shit that just didn't get called.

[Christine]

What do you really want? Philly fans and Buffalo fans meeting somewhere That's. I mean, I was just light the fucking place on fire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what. You know what I mean? That would be a real bottle rocket in the Superdome for sure.

[Christine]

You know what? People who are trying to escape a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Place I know also two places yelling, they'll understand. They call Kendrick Lamar's halftime show jungle music. I don't understand this jungle music.

[Christine]

Yeah, they'd have to cancel it. Yeah, Buffalo is bad. I mean, there's nothing worse than seeing a hot chicken buffalo who just was like, take me out of here before.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I forget this question. Black little question. Yes. Christine and me were having a debate last night. Is Glorilla's name Glorilla? Because her nose is very wide. Honestly, I have no idea. That's the first I've heard that there wasn't a debate.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

You just said that.

[Christine]

Wow, he really. He really chunked you into that racist.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, can I. You know what? She's gonna try to win me under the bus. Can I tell you how that conversation actually went?

[Christine]

Oh, God, no, no, no, no, wait. Yeah, wait. There's a lot of firings going on today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I said, is Glorilla called Glorilla for a reason? Then it zoomed it on her face and I went, oh. And Christine went. Her nose is so wide. That's what.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't say the word wide nose at all.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black Lou. My. The question stands question. Ball still in the air with that one or. She was awful on SNL.

[Christine]

I didn't watch it. I heard SNL's getting funny again. Like, it's kind of getting funny. My. Is that. Is that false?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I've always. I stayed with it always, though.

[Robert Kelly]

So.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, there's definitely been like casts and seasons that were better than others. And they had some stuff. I was happy to see that. It seems like so far this year, they're not doing non stop pre recorded stuff. The show's becoming a sketch show that you kind of just go to a studio to watch. I felt like it was. Everything was like pretty pre done songs, song, song, song, musical thing. But now it seems like they're moving a little bit. The Weekend Update's always pretty great.

[Christine]

It's great. Didn't they do a song like a. Like a boy band song with what's his name? Right? What was it? Are you thinking Marcelo or Marcelo and the. The guy, right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Timothy Shalom.

[Christine]

Is that his name?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. It wasn't a boy band thing. It was the actor kid.

[Christine]

Yeah. They were singing songs about how good looking they are.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're baby faces.

[Christine]

Baby faces.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what, I watched that Marcelo. I gotta give credit where credit's due. Marcelo Hernandez used to come when I would do Hilarities. I still do Hilarities. Nothing's changed for me. When I would do Hilarities, Marcelo would show up and like come with like weed and like he was going to college out there and he was like doing comedy, I guess, and he was like a young kid and he would come bring weed and hang out and you know, bring weed especially. I'll sit in with you all night. If you're a comedian.

[Christine]

You know, I do that with mini hot dogs. Yeah, yeah, mini hot dogs. I'll with you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got me all night long. Prepare for your next gig. The people should go with mini hot dogs.

[Christine]

Hey, Bobby, I love a mini hot dog.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Will you take large hot dogs cut up in small?

[Christine]

No, I will not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. I mean, just know that before you feel get ass and stand there with a bunch of cut up hot dogs, you're gonna with your thumb up your butt.

[Christine]

Not unless you cut them out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If they. I was gonna say, how about if they cut them up and then also maybe wrap them in some sort of a pastry and they make homemade.

[Christine]

No, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Christine]

No, if you. If you cook the ends, if you cut them up and grill the end of it so it seals it with a pastry, I'll do that. But it should be a mini hot dog inside of a pastry. Bring mustard better.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, Marcel. But I want to say he used to bring weed all the time and we'd. We'd bullshit. He was a nice enough kid, but the club treated him literally. They're like, how did he get in here? Is he bothering you?

[Christine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get out of here, you little scamp. Like, yeah, he was like. There was. I was like, he's fine. Like, he's fine and sweet kid. And then he interned at Skankfest one year.

[Christine]

Really? Yeah.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

Our Skank Fest. Volunteer at Brooklyn Bazaar.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Brooklyn Bazaar.

[Christine]

Man, we've been passed so quickly, it's insane.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

He's always been a sweetheart, nice kid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then he. And then he got the, you know, I don't know if he did he Montreal or something. I don't know what it was. But he ended up on snl. And I'll tell you, like, they, he's their go to. I mean, they use him. The character he does of the immigrant dads and stuff like that. He's. He's great. Like beyond his years, I would say, of experience. He does a good job with that character. He's one of the few people bringing back a recurring character anymore, so it's like he's killing it, man.

[Christine]

I do like him too. He's still nice when you see him around.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

A lot of times when you, you know, when you know somebody, when they're just like a hanger on her or they're new and they're just really not. And then they get something and their whole demeanor changes. Yeah, you walk in and they kind of fake and ignore you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I bet he's also gotten on. I'm sure his shoulders have dropped because women are sucking them down from his cock. I mean, he's, he's getting Famine. The characters he's doing are getting like beyond snl. Like. Well, no, he did the one thing.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

I did the thing with Sabrina Carpenter and like she brought him out in LA at her concert to do the Ca. Domingo snl.

[Christine]

Yeah. Do you think that we didn't get success like that because we would have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Got aids and God didn't want us to have aids.

[Christine]

God didn't want us to have aids. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good way to look at it like.

[Christine]

You know what I'm saying? Like, look at. I would love. You guys should be successful, you should be doing all this stuff, but you'll die of AIDS within six months.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Because you don't have the ability to wrap it. You don't have the ability to say, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What if they said it'll happen right now? You know what, dude? Because here's the thing also me and you were both old men at this point, so I think this is fair to say, yeah, I do want that money. I don't want the things that come with it anymore.

[Christine]

Like working.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, I don't mind work, but it's like I, I rehearsing, you know, your routine, going on the road.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You do your show, you do a one night, two nights, maybe Three nights on the thing. It'd be great if those were theaters that were packed and stuff you go on the weekend. The idea of like. Like what? Like his schedule is right now is like, when he's not doing SNL all week long and he gets off. Like, he's probably pulled 50 directions to meet for another movie.

[Christine]

We're too old.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't want to. I don't want to go. It's like, all right, I have three weeks off of snl. We're on a three week hiatus, we come back or whatever. So that means I have to go out there, finish talking to this guy. If someone's trying to write a pilot for me that they want me to be in and something, I'm like, ah, yeah, wait, like, when can I play Madden? But I already only get to play like two hours a week.

[Christine]

I got. I got home Friday night after the second show. I got back to the hotel room, I pulled the covers up, I took my socks off, got into bed and pulled the covers up and just started smiling. I think it was 1:00. I was like. I was like, this is nice. I was so happy. Could you imagine having to go do something?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, look, I love pussies much the next guy, but if a girl that's got almost nothing to do with like the, the thing. It's not even like the. After the show. After the show, I want to be able to do what I want to do. Not like a seven bazillion person meet and greet or, you know, again, like, I don't even mean that like meeting the people. I mean like a paid, like. Yeah, you take a picture. We're moving on. Picture moving. I think it's weird.

[Christine]

And you can't, you can't stop the momentum. Once the momentum happens, you have to keep that plate spinning.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. That's what everyone says. Yeah. It's like, oh, well, the iron's hot, so you have to do much more work. I go, thought, the iron's hot, man. Let's just sit back and watch it burn, baby. Yeah, Iron tie. You need to travel substantially more. Like, that doesn't sound right now. It is funny. We have one person that goes against all of it, which I do love so much. How he does that, it blows my mind. Ari Shafir. Release, Release special. They're like, hey, release a special, Ari. It's like, great special. Well received, man. Let's get out there on the road. He's like, I'm actually gonna vanish for about six months.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Until everyone forgets about this special.

[Christine]

I'm gonna go find water for Indian kids for the next year.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna go learn how to speak Hatutsy.

[Christine]

He really doesn't give a fuck. Unbelievable. I just wish my. My. I saw my blade get my iron get hot. Like, I would just wish my sark it, you know, when it gets red for a second and then you. You. You know, I would just like to see my blade get hot. That so it's pliable. I've just seen black cold steel for a long time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What was your. Tell me your first, please. This will be a good conversation. What was your first? All right, man, here we go. Like, career. This is it. I know there's been several for all of us, but what was your first like now, by the way, as you get older, those things don't become here we go. Even if they go, you're going on a great tour. You're going on a thing. You lose that sense of, like, yo, this tour I'm going on might expose, you know, maybe we'll make news somehow with this and no one cares. But what was the first time where you were like, oh, shit, dude. Like, wow, I'm in this and I'm here. I am, dude. Hello, show business.

[Christine]

It was Adrenaline Run. It was the guy who. The showrunner was the guy who invented the A Team, Frank Lupo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What year was this?

[Christine]

This is 98. Okay, 98. La Frank Lupo. A Team Hunter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're doing comedy how long at this point?

[Christine]

Stu Siegel Productions down in San Diego. Maybe eight years on and off. Yeah, maybe eight. Six or eight years somewhere in there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How old were you started?

[Christine]

I start. Well, I started in an improv group first with the Al the Monkeys for two years. Then I quit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I'm talking after you went to the conversion camp and came back straight.

[Christine]

But then I went. I quit. I quit comedy for two years. So when. When we all broke up to shake.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Off the gay of improv, I went and did theater. Bobby, tell me this story. As an Indian immigrant and you're on a desert island.

[Christine]

Which Indian? I was once a boy. I can't do voices.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Racist. Racist.

[Christine]

Dude, I. Yeah, dude, I quit comedy for two years. I went and I got a movie the Last Saturdays. Then I got another movie, Koala Bear Kid, starring me and Billy Burr.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Christine]

And then I got. I got. I got an off Broadway play in Boston. I did for six months. And then I went back to comedy now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So it was, like, so funny. These things that you thought were, like, your path because there Was weird. Like, there was things where I knew were not, But I also got a pretty good taste. Early for me, when I doing comedy six months, got bet's Comic View. When I was on my way to that comic view for $150, it didn't matter. Television was everything. We've talked about this before, where it was like, the kid across the street was in a fucking Froot Loops commercial. He might as well have been Brad Pitt to everybody. You're like, oh, this guy's an actor. He's Hollywood.

[Christine]

Yeah. That's when Dane got seven up. I think it was seven Up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And he was famous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Like, he left Boston, he moved to New York, and Barry Katz got him an apartment. He shared an apartment with an old gay guy. Didn't tell us. He just said he had an apartment. And then we showed, goes, yeah, my roommate's coming back. Well, who You? Me and Patricia. Like, roommate.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's an old gay guy.

[Christine]

He's like, okay, maybe she's like, Dane's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dane's gay.

[Christine]

He has to suck this guy off for.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He must want to be there.

[Christine]

He had to go on the couch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Didn't you just get famous? Who gets famous and gets a roommate?

[Christine]

Yeah, mine was. Dude, I. I got that gig in San Diego when I booked that when I was getting $9,500 an EP.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And I was famous, dude. I remember walking through the mall with my. My hat down because I didn't want people to recognize me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on.

[Christine]

It was a pilot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No one saw it yet.

[Christine]

Yeah. Unless the crew was walking around.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like that you had that kind of confidence in you. I. It was taken from me so quick, that Comic View, realizing that I was actually over more than anything else. And I was over, like, SAG aftra. Well, they. They were boycotting it because of the money.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, their deal was just grotesque for Comic View. And so I like. But I did it. I didn't give a. I was like. They're like. I'm like unions doing comedy for six months. The is a you. There's a comedy union. And so I did it. I came back. But by the time I did, because I remember having to talk myself up for, like, I was in that movie. Christine. You could find. See if you find that streaming anywhere online from other Worlds. The shitty movie that I was in where I played big lab assistant. That hurt. Small lab assistant wasn't that small.

[Christine]

I thought I was gonna be famous with Ghost Town when I played ghost number construction worker number three.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But that's Almost what I'm saying. Like, you. You did get that kind of confidence on things. Like you're saying, like, I got that movie last night at Eddie's. Like, we could look at it last night at Eddie's and realize that's not gonna be a big movie.

[Christine]

Not then, though. That could have been a hit, maybe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And what was the other thing you said?

[Christine]

Koala bear.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Koala Bear Kid. Because you're saying the terms like, then I got that.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which seems like a thing where it's like a guy you knew was like, hey, I'm going to make a shitty movie and I want you and Bill Barr, your friends. Like, what are the odds that friends would get cast in it?

[Christine]

Well, it's funny because when you do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That young in common movie, when you.

[Christine]

Do a movie, it gets you another movie. It gets you another movie. Like, acting is like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but level of movie is like, koala bear Kid.

[Christine]

Yeah, you'll. But. But that actually got me into a movie. A movie with Mark. Mark Ruffio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ruffalo.

[Christine]

Rough. That guy. And Amanda Peel. So they. Somebody saw me in that. Put me that one, too. And Mark Raphael and Amanda.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Paul Ruffalo.

[Christine]

Ruffalos.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Amanda Pete.

[Christine]

Amanda Paul Petzky Pete. But like, acting does that. It gets you. Like, they'll see you in that or, you know, and they'll be like, oh, that guy's good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Koala Bear Kid got you that.

[Christine]

Koala Bear kid got me last night at Eddie's. And then last night got me last night at Eddie's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Got the Ruffalo.

[Christine]

Got me to play. Right. Got me the play Four Dogs and a Bone. John Patrick Channeley.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Which is wrong, too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See, I'd be.

[Christine]

And then that got me the movie with Mark Rufio. And then I got an actor. I wanted to be an actor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was gonna say you wanted to be an actor. So it all just makes sense because in the things you're saying, if they were like, I got an audition way young in comedy for no reason, all for South Pacific, like, on Broadway. And I was like. And they sent it to me and I was like, what the fuck? And they go, yo, if you get equity on Broadway, it's like, blah, blah, blah, much money a week and you get the insurance. And I was like, in the South Pacific? I don't even know what the. It was the Steinbergs, they were like, just learn the songs, man.

[Christine]

Dude, I kind of wish I did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Broadway a little bit, but Burr's doing it, right? Bro's doing it. Glengarry yeah, but he's.

[Christine]

I mean, here's the thing, though. You do Broadway, you work your way up and become something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christine]

Burr is on Broadway because he's Burr. Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, for sure. But I mean, like, again, it's almost that idea of that. If they were like, jay, they want you to be in Glengarry Glen Ross. What? No weird thing.

[Christine]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I would fucking love it. I love sets. I love the trailer. I love the other actors. I love sitting around talking plays. I love dude being backstage rehearsing. Opening night. All the people came, all the people that gave the money. You have to go to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby likes being. You like being clapped at by gentlemen wearing scarves indoors.

[Christine]

Yeah, I do, man. You have to go to parties before, like, all the people raise the money together. You have to go to these weird cocktail parties.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think you're supposed to. The donors. I think you're supposed to go to a room. I've seen SVU's about that. You have to go suck off the. The donors. You have to.

[Christine]

Now you just let them jerk off on your nipples.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now they tell you have to jerk them off.

[Christine]

Yeah, I went to. In the Back Bay. We had to go for Four Dogs in a Bone. I had to go to all these parties with all these rich white people in, like, the richest people in Boston who were donating to the play. And we had to go to these weird fucking parties and hang out and talk to some old lady by, you know, by some weird antique table.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And. Yes.

[Christine]

Yeah, it was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This dressing room is dedicated to my husband. I kind of like one of the greatest exact stage performers.

[Christine]

Robert, where is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it available to stream? Christine is.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

Well, is this it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

I couldn't find you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, it is it.

[Christine]

You can't find Jay in anything he does.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's when they're breaking in the museum at the end.

[Christine]

What is this? Who is in this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So here. It's these scenes right here. I'm in it with this guy.

[Christine]

Who is that guy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's me.

[Christine]

Is that you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But back up. We have a conversation before that.

[Christine]

You look like Chaz Bono. What the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do look like Chaz Bono. I don't even have an argument against what you're saying. I look like Chaz Bono. This is a terrible movie starring Cara Buono, who was Christopher's girlfriend, I believe, at one point, in the Sopranos. And she was Artie Lang's girlfriend in Beer League. And she's. She was hot. She was also. She's also in. She in Euphoria. No.

[Christine]

Was that Dave Chappelle?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe she is. I think she might be, actually. She's someone's mom.

[Christine]

She's got a big zit. Look at the zit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But pause it for a second. Christina.

[Christine]

You know it's a low budget when they can't even pop the zit and cover it up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh yeah, it was low budget, I think. But we. And the other. And the guy star of it is Isaac Bank Hole. And he was the French guy, Ice cream man in Ghost Dog. Going around the room.

[Christine]

I love Ghost Dog.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was his best friend, remember? Yeah, but he spoke Frank.

[Christine]

The fact that you remember his name is just a superhero power.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was in a film with him.

[Christine]

Yeah, but you. I don't remember anybody's name. I was. Ended it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was in Ghost.

[Christine]

I don't even know Jacob's last name.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby. It was the first. It was the first of two movies I've been in. And it was pretty young in my career, so when I came home, I. You had to tell people. I just did a movie with who? Okay. His name's Isaac Bank Hole. And he was the French ice cream guy in Ghost Dog, which was pretty neat. He was there for the big ending scene. That rules. What's the name of this movie from other worlds?

[Christine]

What is it about a Brooklyn mom.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A Brooklyn mother who. I think there's an alien invasion happening. Maybe she's abducted. She's abducted.

[Jacob]

And you played.

[Christine]

You don't remember the plot, but you remember the guy's name.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I played big lab assistant. Yeah, well, the movie. Seeing the movie. Seeing the movie. The only time I've watched this movie. It was a highly traumatic experience. Especially in hindsight. It even hurts more. What a doofus I was.

[Christine]

Now you didn't have a name in the movie that no one called you anything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Big lab assistant.

[Christine]

They just called you big lab assistant.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a rap for big lab assistant. Everybody clap for him arm. And I just stand in a circle of people clapping me fat in a. Too tight.

[Christine]

You know they don't do that anymore. It's illegal to do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just clap for me.

[Christine]

No, look, I remember I should have been audition when this fat girl went and grabbed her side and she was like. I'm like, what? She goes, they couldn't give her a name. And I looked at her side. It just said fat friend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I stopped.

[Christine]

You can't do that anymore.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I started. Oh, it's funny, that's changed in the time that I was auditioning for stuff because I used to. That would Always bum me out. And it would be like. Not even that. They'd give it a name. It's like you're playing Steve Dash. Fat, greasy, disgusting pig slob, hard to love, smells bad. Looking for a J okerson type.

[Jacob]

They have to give a name now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't get it. You didn't fucking so. But I was in the. Oh, also Robert Downey.

[Christine]

They have to give you a name now.

[Jacob]

Every character can't be known as cashier.

[Christine]

You can't be fat waitress.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, Bob.

[Christine]

They used to do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't want to impress you more, but you can't. This is gonna impress you more. I forgot. Not only in this film with Isaac Bank Hole.

[Christine]

Is it French?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. And I don't know how you say his name. And carabuono. Also in this film.

[Christine]

That's French.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Also in this film.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Robert Downey Senior, the father.

[Jacob]

Oh, yeah.

[Christine]

No shit. That's something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it though?

[Christine]

Yeah, that's Robert Downey, Jude's dad. And he was big back in the day. Kinda.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Was he?

[Christine]

Yep.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not familiar with any of his.

[Christine]

Work, but I think he was a Padusa maybe. I think he was more of a producer possible back in the day, but.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He'S in this film with me.

[Christine]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

All know to consider our pits when it comes to odor, but what about the other odor zones?

[Christine]

We really do have a lot of zones.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We have to cover your stank zones.

[Christine]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Christine]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Christine]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, do you have any of my acting work, please?

[Christine]

I can't wait to see this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

10 second jumps.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

You said you talked before.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I do. We argue. We argue about pizza toppings.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

I believe after this scene.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, I saw it once here.

[Jacob]

You're not even on the IMDb credit for this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shut up.

[Jacob]

You're not on here. I don't see Isaac Bang hole or whatever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't see him. You do see him.

[Jacob]

Hold on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're on a different movie then.

[Jacob]

No, Carabuano, Robert Downey Senior are the top ones. Neither one of you are on here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, he's the main.

[Christine]

Is it under Chaz Bono? Look for Chaz Bonus.

[Jacob]

Top cast.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I'm on the top cast on big lab assistant. You have to click all cast. See all cast.

[Jacob]

Okay, hold on. Oh, I do see. Isaac. D. The bank hole.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The bank hole.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Do you see?

[Jacob]

Hold on, I'm going.

[Christine]

You see?

[Jacob]

I don't see Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're wrong.

[Jacob]

Let me push it. All cast. Hold on. I'm in top cast. I'm gonna go to all cast. Here we go.

[Christine]

Hold on for jolly chubby assistant.

[Jacob]

Okay, now this is the full cast big lab assistant. Ben. I mean, once you have to hit the next level.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Jacob. I'm not the star of the film. I'm big lab assistant.

[Christine]

You're under the key grip.

[Jacob]

Keep going down. Melissa Leo's in it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is she?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Didn't know that.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Am I below her?

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

He's there.

[Christine]

Is he there?

[Jacob]

Oh, you're third from last. What is it, Christian? Kristen Shaw's last.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Big.

[Jacob]

You're above Kristen Shaw.

[Christine]

You're big lab assistant. We should call it that should be a nickname.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Big lab assistant.

[Christine]

Bla bla bla.

[Jacob]

You're above Kristen Shaw, though. That's pretty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you would like to see my work, Jacob.

[Jacob]

More than anything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine. Can we hit the lights, please?

[Jacob]

It is blinding.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Christine]

Oh, this is nice. I like this movie atmosphere one so.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can call an order. Surprise. Back it up, back it up, back it up.

[Christine]

Oh, my God. You look like. You look like a lesbian.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I mean, Christine, you didn't meet him at this age.

[Jacob]

Well, can you set the scene, Jay?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Pause it. I'm a big lab assistant talking to little lab assistant.

[Jacob]

What's the scene here?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm a big lab assistant talking to little lab assistant.

[Christine]

What is your motivation?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, we're arguing because it seems like we have a bit of a contentious relationship. It would appear. And I was just Given all this in prep, I made some choices, going to craft services, and something that has to do with the plot of the movie is being done and worked on at this museum in the basement where the lab assistants are. And so you mean the lab assistant.

[Christine]

And the fat lab assistant is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. And fat lab assistant.

[Christine]

Flaw, flaw and blah, blah, blah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then you see here what you'll be hearing is Carabono and Isaac debacle are sneaking around the hotel, and they have to get into an area where I'm at. Meanwhile, me and small lab assistant are having this conversation. Hey, you want toppings, man? Blake. What? Sausage and mushrooms mixed together. We're half and half. Half sausage and half mushrooms or spinach? Well, which one?

[Jacob]

Oh, God.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't worry.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Jacob]

Now there's Carabono in it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Carabono and Isaac. The back hole.

[Jacob]

They're breaking into the door. Trying to break into the door where you are.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Please, please, please. Jacob, please, back to the lab. No, now you got to skip ahead 10 seconds.

[Christine]

No, I would like to watch his choice when.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, okay.

[Christine]

I would like to watch his choice when he looks up to the sky.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which one?

[Christine]

That one right there. Wow. What an acting choice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, now, as you see, again, they're trying to break in. They. I can't seem to quite figure it out.

[Jacob]

The music is saying comedy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pork ice cream on the top. I don't know what the hell you're talking about half the time. You know that, Ivan. Just pick one so I can call and order Bigger. Oh, Philly accent was bigger.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Jacob]

Oh, wow.

[Christine]

Oh, my Lord.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't.

[Christine]

Yeah, this is Philly garbage. You are.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I lived in New York.

[Christine]

Which one?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I lived in New York for a year. Year.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

I mean, it says 2004. It may have been filmed in 2003.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Which one?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, which one?

[Christine]

Pick one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you want one?

[Jacob]

Go Birds.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right. I don't want to hear any if you don't like what I pick. And now they said this was beautiful timing. Oh, boy. What are you. Oh, God, my big fat body.

[Christine]

Jacob, that was. That was me. Did you do it too?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Jacob said, oh, God. Oh, God. He couldn't believe I sauntered up the stairs like that. I was so happy.

[Christine]

It was pretty impressive. Did they have a rope on you, or was it some type of poly.

[Jacob]

Move they put you in?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They did. That was.

[Jacob]

The lab coat doesn't.

[Christine]

Was it like Circus Olay where they had some type of system?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was attached to the walls. I was pulled up the Steps.

[Christine]

Three other guys had to jump off a balcony to get you up the steps.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, Bobby. A series of pulleys, three gaffers.

[Christine]

I want to say something to you right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Christine]

And I mean this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

You never shave that beard again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I know.

[Christine]

You listen to me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. My face is much smaller than that.

[Christine]

I don't care. I don't give a fuck what happens.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't.

[Christine]

You never shave that beard. In fact, I want you to get a like a fake beard in case some like, fire happens at your new house where you're grilling and you burn off your beard. I want.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a fucking good idea. Christine, order me a fake beard. Like one just goes over like hooks like glasses over my ears.

[Christine]

Yeah, just, just, just in case.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In case.

[Christine]

Because whoever that dude is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Is not you. Well, that woman or that, that, that left wing protesting. That wasn't Palestine loving asshole. That person is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was a young. That was a young face, Jay.

[Christine]

You should be working at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I could grow. All I could grow is a little bit of chin hair.

[Christine]

You look like you loved really rich coffee. You can make. You can make a heart with foam.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What am I, 23 in that?

[Christine]

Jesus Christ, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, yeah, I'm over 24. 25.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

Yeah. 2003.

[Christine]

Oh, that. That wardrobe lady had her. Had her work cut out for when you. When you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, here's the thing.

[Christine]

Your sizes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think this is probably why. One of the reasons I don't like acting stuff so much anytime I've had to be in anything.

[Christine]

Because they have to make your clothes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, I would love if they made my clothes.

[Christine]

Wow. What the.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

The costume. It's like. That's not a lab coat.

[Christine]

It is a lab coat shirt. No, mama, that's a lab coat on a regular sized person. That's a regular. That's a lab coat on Jacob. Anybody else in this room?

[Jacob]

I can see Jay come out from the door.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wanna, by the way, notice me. Look at me not making eye contact with the camera. I mean, am I, am I a pro or what?

[Christine]

But look at your little limp wrist. Watch your limp wrists going up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This should be casual.

[Christine]

Watch how casual.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, look at his little going upstairs casual. Don't look at the people under the stairs that I know were there.

[Christine]

You have gay hands. You're a thespian.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm a thespian.

[Jacob]

Can I say this about.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is my method. Yes. Jacob, Jacob, a question.

[Jacob]

I'm watching the two of you. Tell me if you agree. Bobby.

[Christine]

I agree.

[Jacob]

You're an actor.

[Christine]

Yes. I'm a thespian.

[Jacob]

Jay is authentically Philly, where that guy looks like he's. He's. You could see him acting. Small. Small. Lab assistant is clearly putting on a. A performance.

[Christine]

No, that guy comes from Hell's Kitchen and this. And has been working off off Broadway for years with his roommate that he lives with. Yeah, Greg.

[Jacob]

And that's him genuinely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I came in and acted circles around him. That's right, everyone. I've always had, why were you so.

[Christine]

Why were your hands so relaxed? But, you know, the rest of your body wasn't going up those stairs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Acting's reacting. I just was reacting. The situation, I think the situation. Limp wrist.

[Christine]

Can you show me his Liberace wrist?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I really do come out with a Roger from American dad. Like, really?

[Christine]

Watch this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is.

[Christine]

This is awesome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You love it.

[Jacob]

Is this your only scene, or is there more?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think there's.

[Christine]

Watch this. Red watch. That's when they had fully work in. Because you're. You're breathing heavy walking up those stairs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, can you ADR yourself? Not breathing heavy. Can you come in? Just give me some room tone.

[Christine]

Hey, when you get to the third step, hold your breath. The camera's not gonna be on you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I'm telling you, wardrobe, for every thing I've ever done, it's. I was on Z Rock for two years, saying every day I'd walk in the next thing worse than you're, like, damn, man.

[Christine]

Like, nightmare.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And here's the thing. I was fat. They had so much to work with, but they weren't tailoring stuff, so they were like, what's your size? 3xlt from Big and Tall. So it's like, here's a bunch of the ugliest, like, busy, like. And they're like. I'm like, all right, man.

[Christine]

Yeah, Sex and drugs. They actually made my shirts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yeah, they made my. Because I was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Were they good team?

[Christine]

When we shot the pilot, I was thinner.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you said.

[Christine]

And then when we got to the show, I got fat again. And then the second season, I was fatter than the first season, so they had. They wound up making my shirts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My point of this was, by this point, though, I had. I had known already this wasn't making it. This was like. I was excited to do it because it was a movie, but I didn't feel like I was like, got it, like. And then on to the next one.

[Christine]

I've never felt that. I thought everything I made was going to be the one I thought last night of Days was going to be the fast times at Ridgemond High. From Boston.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have I never told.

[Christine]

I really thought for Boston. Yeah. I thought it was going to be. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A Boston classic.

[Christine]

Thought I was gonna get a call from Ben and Matt the next day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Goodwill hunting, too. Hunting season.

[Christine]

I mean, if you see me in that, though, it was probably the best I've ever looked. I was very. I mean, I was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Last night, Eddie's.

[Christine]

I was like Marlon Brando. Young Marlon in that one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. I made you kiss that pig. She's a sweetheart. I'm sure it's funny to say that.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

You said you. You. Were you allowed to get fat for sex, drugs and rock and roll? Normally, they're. They don't want you to put on weight.

[Christine]

Come on. Come on. Look at that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're looking at Mohican.

[Christine]

I mean, what.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're a beautiful Mohican.

[Christine]

What's a movie? Like an Indian?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Buono's Stranger Things, Mom.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stranger Things. Right.

[Christine]

So when. No, when I. When we did the pilot and I knew I had the pilot, I went on one of those diets, like, you know, keto. And I lost 40 pounds. And Larry came up to me when we were in the fittings and shooting the pilot. He was like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, what? He goes, I just wrote this whole season with a ton of fat jokes. He's like, I better see you at the fucking craft services stuffing donuts in your fucking face if you lose any more weight. Let me tell you something. That's the thing I've been waiting to hear my whole life. I mean, I was like, you got it, boss.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. That guy really is an asshole. Leo, Leo, Leo, Leo, Leo, Leol. Dennis Leary's a fucking asshole. Yippity O. I heard sometimes he drives really slow in the ultra fast lane while people behind him are going insane. And I heard one time he parked in handicapped spaces while handicapped people made handicapped faces.

[Christine]

I'd love to join any of you, but I'm writing a pilot with him right now, so.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are those insults. That song was everything to me in ninth grade. We bought it. We bought, like, the no Cure for Cancer to have that song, I'm an Asshole.

[Christine]

Once a year.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he make everybody do it at the.

[Christine]

At the end.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

At the thing.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now that.

[Christine]

That's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're being treated like a ham. Did I ever tell you about going to sea from Other Worlds? I may have at one point.

[Christine]

What is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When I. The movie that I was in that we just watched the Clip from when I went to go see it. Yeah.

[Christine]

It was in theaters, so it was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Directed by Barry Strugats. That's his name, the guy. He wrote Death Becomes Her. He was director of this.

[Christine]

It's a good movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So. But he wrote it.

[Christine]

He wrote that after this note before.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And Married to the Mob.

[Christine]

He wrote Married to the Mob this, that, and then he did this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He directed and I think wrote it, though. It's bad. I don't know if he still directs. If he does, it's good.

[Christine]

I'm gonna watch this tonight, by the way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You should.

[Christine]

I can't wait.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know you're gonna pull it apart. It's not a good film, but so they call me one, like. Like, a. Maybe two years later, almost. That's what I'm saying. I was pretty young in that because, like, two years later, they called me and they were like, hey, it's premiering at a theater over on, like, in the east village, on, like, 12th street or something. I was like, oh, I'm trying. Where is it? I'm like, oh, that's that, like, big chandelier movie theater. You know, the East Village Cinema. Is that what it's called, the East Village?

[Christine]

Christine just went, mm, yeah, it is. She's, like, in the business.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yeah, it is stupid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So it's that. So I was like, oh, that's like a pretty, like, shit. That's like a theater. Hell, yeah. And so I'm driving to the. This is when you had to print out MapQuest directions to things to see where this place was exactly. I go, hmm, that's on, like, the side of the road, though, like, around the corner from it, where the address is going. Maybe that's, like, what they mark their address as, like the back door or something. Yeah, no, it's another theater that might still be there. It just shows, like, movies. You've never. You know, it's like you can just write one and film one and get it up there tomorrow if you wanted to.

[Christine]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Movie theater. It's a really bad theater.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

It is still there. We've driven by it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

I think exactly where it is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's 12th. I believe it's on 12th Street.

[Christine]

We should write a film. A movie today and film it on my iPhone and put it there this week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We can. So I went there, and I'm like, okay, so I'm gonna go see it while it's there. It was there for, like, a week or something, they said. I went to one of the days. Pretty, like, middle of that week. Me and Carla, my ex wife, went to go see it, and we get in the theater and I see that. I see that. There it is. I see. What's it called? Cinema Village. There it is. What a hunk of shit, the theater. If you scroll down there, right there, look at that. Theater room.

[Christine]

2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

16, 17, 18, 20 seats, far too many. They were 20 seats, far too many. So we go in there. I'm all excited. I see the poster of the movie.

[Christine]

Are you in the poster?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. I see the poster of the movie and I'm like, oh, wow, dude. Fucking became a movie. This is so neat. We go in and we buy tickets. We go sit in the theater. No one else in the theater, not a person, okay? It is what it is. We watch the movie. I come up in it. Carla, when I'm on the screen, starts taking out her phone to take a picture of it. Right before, you had, like, video on your phone, but just take a picture. And I'm like. And I go. I was like, no, no, no, no. And then she was like, what are you embarrassed of? She's like, no one's here. Like, she had to point out no one's like, there's no one here. Like, they'll be like, what are you doing? I was like, oh, yeah, I guess. And then at the end, she goes, I want to take a picture of your name in the credits. And I don't know if you can go back to the picture of the theater. At least the one that we were in has, like, it's, you know, it's a theater. And then like a stage area almost in front of it with some seats. And Carla was waiting to take a picture of my name. Big Lab assistant, Big Jay Okerson. And as it's scrolling up, a guy comes out at the end of Carol Burnett and with, like, a mop and a bucket. And he starts, like, just mopping, like, the stage in front of the screen. And Carl is going like, sir, do you mind moving? And he's like, what? He's like, he's in the movie. I want to take a picture of his name. He's like, oh. I was like, it's so humiliating. I don't know why. I don't know why it is, but I hated it. So then I go to the front desk again, and they were like, oh, someone said you were. You were in this or something. I was like. I was like, yeah. I was like, do you have, like, any extra of the movie? Posters, by any chance? And she was like, no, they only gave us the one. She goes, but we have these postcards. I go, oh, can I take a few of these? She goes, take them all. And she handed me, like, I mean, 200 postcards that were in the movie poster.

[Christine]

Yeah, go pass these out front.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I swear to God. And then I go. And then as I'm leaving, I was like, oh, man, I wonder if I get one of those posters. She goes, you know what? She goes, you know, because no one's come to see this movie except you, so. And they opened the key thing and rolled the poster up out of the window for me. No one cared about this film.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

This is the theater. You thought it was gonna.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought it was gonna be. I thought. I was like. I was like, I have to rent a tux.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

The most beautiful movie theater that exists.

[Christine]

Gorgeous. Oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He goes, oh, I thought it was gonna be Radio City, but I guess this will do.

[Christine]

I think that's where Stavros's movie was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where?

[Christine]

That gorgeous one?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's where they played his movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, how funny is that? Yeah, they gave me everything, and then all of that got destroyed. I believe in Hurricane Sandy, thank God. But, yeah, I may have another scene or so in here. I don't know. I can't. I don't remember, really.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

Let's see the credits.

[Christine]

How far down in the credits are you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pretty far. But also, I don't think there's actually a lot of people in the movie from other world. What does the music play at the end? Barry Strugatz.

[Christine]

Strugatz. Produced.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Produced by no one I've heard of. Oh. Associate producer, though. Todd Thaler.

[Christine]

Oh, he's big.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mo Flam. I remember Mo Good Guy.

[Christine]

That's a fake name.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Joel Hirsch did the editing. Nice. Get a Jew involved. Charlotte Bourke. She sounds fat.

[Christine]

Production design.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pierre Foldez. The music. That explains that. Antonio Zara's the costume designer.

[Christine]

Hardest working guy on the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mark White, music supervisor.

[Christine]

Casting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jonathan Strauss, by the way. Pause that. Jonathan Strauss is all SVU law and orders.

[Christine]

He books them all. Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you know what? I did this movie. I've never been in one Law and Order ever. He does 100 of the booking for it.

[Christine]

I guess I know him because he's booked me four times.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but you don't know anybody's name. You don't take the time.

[Christine]

I don't because I'm a thespian.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're always saying your own name in your head.

[Christine]

I'M just moving on to the next project.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All you hear is a sound of fluorescent lights in your name. Carabuono. One. Okay, I'll accept that.

[Christine]

Okay. Isaac.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Isaac. The Bank Hole.

[Christine]

Two. David Lansbury.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lansbury's Robert Peters.

[Christine]

Number four.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is this actually the music?

[Christine]

Alyssa Leo, number five. Foreign is mumbling over this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Paula Tyagi Schwartz, Peter Bartlett, Quinn shepherd and Jonah Myerson. How do you come any sooner? Alberto Vasquez. Lori Tan Chin. She was pretty big.

[Christine]

Part 12, 13.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And Joel de la Fuente.

[Christine]

Oh, you're after the special guest.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope.

[Christine]

Nope. Wow. We go right to the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So, yes. You understand why the guy started mopping? We hung in there.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So I wasn't in the first run. Now, Christine, if you could jump ahead a little bit here. Do we get to the cast?

[Christine]

Production?

[Jacob]

It takes one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Christine]

3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 31.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

32, 33, 34, 36.

[Christine]

That's funny that the other guy got small lab assist.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jj. Thank you. Yes. I sit in the theater with you like a common foe. I'm just a regular old schlub piece of like the rest of you. I am a man of the people.

[Christine]

Small lab assistant.

[Jacob]

Gregory. Cora.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cora Stishevsky.

[Jacob]

How was he to work with Jay?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pleasant.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Very sweet guy.

[Christine]

He's been in a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's been a lot of stuff. He's got a. He's like a little Russian. A lot of commercial work.

[Christine]

He's character work. He's a character actor. So were you in that too?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I played Chaz Bono. And when you get there, you're just like, guys, you could just put me in clothes while look as good as I could possibly look instead of ill fitting khaki pants. And I think. But I. Yeah, that's always. I've never gone into a thing. One time when I did, Was it Billions? I went to Billions and they fucking tailored me a suit. And I was like, this is fucking beautiful.

[Christine]

Did you keep it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I asked if I can keep it and they said, absolutely not.

[Christine]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I was like, will you tailor it to me? They went, yep. And they go, then we'll tailor it to somebody else after.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah, that's. I failed every audition I had for Billions. I mean, bombed to the point where after I was done with like the second one, she went like that. My. I hate sausages. The.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That made me the sound. I'm over. Your explanation for the sound is what will make me nauseous at some point.

[Christine]

Because I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sorry. I ate potato chips and earlier.

[Christine]

No, because I had these little baby sausages. What are these?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, sorry, guys. I had some Spam right out of the can. It just won't stay in me.

[Christine]

I had these beef sticks and we were going on air, so I just chewed them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Beef sticks before the show.

[Christine]

I shouldn't have had beef sticks before the show. And then I had the coffee and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It'S gargle a little hot sauce. You had a bag of something.

[Christine]

Yeah, dude. As soon as I was done with my audition, she was like. She just looked at me. She tilted her head like a dog. She went, would you like to try that again? I was like, I guess, but it's not going to work.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Clearly we're not enjoying each other.

[Christine]

He used to. He used to, though. I felt like I was getting fucked. I felt like he was giving me auditions to just give me the audition because he liked me or he knew me well.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was getting out of the way. I felt very. Getting out of the way. It was a character that could not be brought back. It was a one off scene. One thing, they were like a pot dealer or drug dealer in Montreal.

[Christine]

Mine was like an old Jewish lawyer. An old lawyer. My guy was like 60. And then you see the guys that got it, you're like, they would just give me auditions. They were giving me a shot to go in and feel good about it. Because there's no way that I was getting old. Jewish lawyer. Oh, yeah. I said. I sent a little tone. A little passive aggression in your voice. I wasn't. No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, man.

[Christine]

Yeah. God bless him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But we have to take a break.

[Christine]

I really love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because I have something I want to tell you, but I don't know if we can talk about it on air.

[Christine]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Even if I don't use names, do it. Because it's so interesting.

[Christine]

Do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, not now.

[Christine]

Do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If I say no names.

[Whole Foods Market Representative]

No, don't do it.

[Christine]

Why? Do it. We need.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's go. We'll talk about on break and you let me know if we talk about it. It's a goodie.

[Christine]

Okay, but if I say we should talk about. You have to talk about it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, sure.

[Christine]

Okay, great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But no names. I'll. I'm guaranteeing no names.

[Christine]

Yeah, no names.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Situational.

[Christine]

Situational. No names. If you in? If.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Christine]

All right, we'll talk about it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do we have commercials right now? This one Bobby's got to read.

[Christine]

I got it right here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Take us till the next. Till we come back. Yeah. I'm amazing. You.

[Christine]

First of all, I've been nailing these.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By yourself. You've been wrong by yourself. And thank you so much, by the way.

[Christine]

I know. I missed you, though. I really did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I always miss you.

[Christine]

I missed you so much.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So hard.

[Christine]

It's not the same. Looking over there and seeing a little.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tiny ball guy, Jim Norton over here farting. A chick's come into my seat.

[Christine]

All right, we'll be right back. We got a guest coming in too, correct?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Christine]

Yeah, I got a guest coming in. We'll be right back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Since 3pm.

[Christine]

It'S the bonfire with a nice hardwood floor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My wife and my job.

[Robert Kelly]

Spectrum Business knows that small business owners put in the work. It's unlimited hours, unlimited effort and unlimited passion, all to unlock the unlimited potential of your business. Get fast reliable Internet, advanced WI fi with security shield and an unlimited mobile line, all only 49.99amonth. Learn how Spectrum Business can connect your business to unlimited [e-mail] business. It's your business made limitless. That's Life Unlimited. That's Spectrum Business. Restrictions apply often not available in all areas. Hi, I'm Katie Nolan from the Internet and cable tv. Or as your mom called me, that sports gal from Celebrity Jeopardy. I have a new podcast called Casuals. It's a podcast for people who like sports a normal amount. No stats or spreadsheets, nary an X or O to be found, just laid back casual banter about home runs, hockey fights and good old fashioned drama. Casuals is a twice a week hang with me and my friends from across comedy, sports and entertainment where we talk about all the funny, weird, interesting stuff happening in and around the world of sports. Think of it as all the best things about sports with none of the homework. So whether you're a die hard fan or vaguely sport sports, Curious Casuals is the podcast for you. You can find casuals on the SiriusXM app, Pandora or wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to smash that follow button. That way you'll never miss an episode. Just try it. You can always un smash it.