Billy Squier Pants with Colin Quinn

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode: Billy Squier Pants with Colin Quinn
Date: September 25, 2025
Guest: Colin Quinn
Main Theme:
A classic, unfiltered comedy hang with Big Jay, Bobby Kelly, and guest Colin Quinn. The trio trade stories about comedy’s old guard, the realities and eccentricities of their home lives, the infamous Comedy Cellar table, burning ball-busting sessions, and the uniquely humiliating and nurturing environment of the New York comedy scene. They zero-in on the recurring "Billy Squier pants" bit, discuss Jay’s attempt to hide his domestic success, and reminisce about their worst comedy-related fiascos—both on and off stage.

---

Episode Overview

This episode explores:

• The evolution of their friendships and comedy careers
• The competitive, rowdy camaraderie of NYC comedians
• Brutally honest grilling about each other's houses and lifestyles
• Legendary Comedy Cellar stories (Patrice, Norton, Keith Robinson, and more)
• The awkwardness of being fans and friends at each other's shows
• Unfiltered fashion critiques, culminating in the “Billy Squier pants” segment
• Reflections on career choices, management horror stories, and old gigs

---

Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Comedy Friendship Hierarchies & Ball-Busting

• Big Jay and Bobby get right into busting each other’s chops about claiming each other as “best friends,” a running theme reflecting their circle's playful but slicing humor.
  • [01:16] Robert Kelly: "Are you my—am I—but am I one of your best friends?"
  • [01:19] Jay Oakerson: "I have a lot of best friends."
  • [01:22] Colin Quinn: "Louis CK, Bill Cosby, Colin Quinn all over the place."

The Myth of Humility and House Envy

• A recurring gag sees Jay and Bobby roasting each other about their homes, Jay’s supposed street-cred loss for having a nice house, and Colin’s “fake humility.”
  • [04:38] Jay Oakerson: "Is he saying that to just be like, you know, like fake humble?"
  • [05:10] Robert Kelly: "Because you have a beautiful house, this is a compliment you need to accept."
  • [05:25] Colin Quinn: (to Bobby) "Fancy house, Bobby."

---

2. Comedy Cellar Table Rituals & Legendary Characters

Old School NYC Comic Life

• Deep dives into the pecking order of the Cellar table, getting “upgraded” to new stools, and being endlessly negged by senior comics.
  • [03:03] Jay Oakerson: "I remember Jay coming, shuffling. Kurt Metzger, Jay and little Kev coming in like, oh, shucks."
  • [03:11] Jay Oakerson: "Where you guys belonged to... one foot on the bar stool and one foot on the little table..."

Patrice O’Neal Stories & Table Eruptions

• Nostalgic stories about Patrice’s ability to drive everyone insane and take over any room for better or worse.
  • [07:14] Colin Quinn: "Patrice doing dice to Norton when he had a girl at the Cellar... kept telling him to be like, pick up my laundry..."
  • [08:50] Robert Kelly: "Patrice was like, yo, yo, yo, no, no, no, I'm just wondering like..." (after offending Manny, the Cellar's owner)
  • [09:16] Colin Quinn: "Bobby, we're going to work on your friend impressions. They all are. Just a version of you that you do for Bill Burr."

---

3. Comedians, Success, and “Changing”

Losing Street Cred, Friars Club, Comic Class Divides

• The guys riff on the idea that success, nice homes, or even growing up may disconnect them from the underdog image so key to their comedy identities.
  • [05:21] Jay Oakerson: "He feels like he's losing street cred by hanging..."
  • [12:12] Robert Kelly: "You think that... being assholes to each other, do you think that affected our careers?"
  • [12:17] Colin Quinn: "Yes. Oh, you're asking me? Oh, yeah. Yes."

4. Comedy Scene Geography: Living in the Suburbs

• Heated debates about whose neighborhood is more authentic or livable, filled with inside jokes about New Jersey, Westchester, and rural perks.
  • [14:59] Robert Kelly: "No, his town is nice... but he's got that Jersey, it's just strip malls..."
  • [15:15] Colin Quinn: "Don't have it. Well, then how are you going to get Thai chicken lettuce wraps?"

5. Notoriously Weird Comic Behavior

Clinginess vs. Detachment

• Extended exploration of Jim Norton’s notorious communication issues:
  • [10:16] Robert Kelly: "Norton called me and then in the conversation went, I gotta call you back... and never, never called me back."
  • [10:49] Robert Kelly: "Jim doesn't—he never calls or nothing."
• Colin’s “two sacks of Joe” story lampoons Joe DeRosa’s physicality and his comic temper.

---

6. Fashion, Masculinity, and the “Billy Squier Pants” Bit

[22:11–24:37]

• The much-teased “Billy Squier pants” (aka tight workout leggings) segment delivers a blend of roasting and surprisingly supportive commentary as they convince Jacob to try on and model tight athletic pants, channeling the iconic ‘Rock Me Tonite’ Billy Squier video.
  • [22:32] Robert Kelly: “Are you playing Bill Squire? ...the song that took him down.”
  • [23:10] Colin Quinn: “Well, you know it’s funny... you bought Bill Squire exercise pants.”
  • [24:06] Colin Quinn: "The double tank top look should come back. Jacob, those hug your [butt] are great."
  • [24:13] Jay Oakerson: “They look really good.”
  • [24:20] Jay Oakerson: “Not bad. Not bad. Oh, man."
  • [24:39] Colin Quinn: “Hip thrusts. You do those, right?”
  • [24:51] Jay Oakerson: “Nothing gay about that.”
    (On their Zoom group workouts.)

---

7. Management Mishaps & Early Career Fiascos

The Steinberg Management Debacle

[37:45–39:33]

• Colin and Jay share jaw-dropping stories of early mismanagement: agents meeting them in stairwells, “Rocky” sweatshirts in MTV pitch meetings, and managers attacking late-night hosts.
  • [38:31] Colin Quinn: “Patrice did me nice ...convinced me to leave Ken Trusch, who was like an independent guy.”
  • [39:19] Colin Quinn: “And then Bill [Burr] fired [Steinberg] in the moment... and then Patrice just fired him. And I was like, patrice, you told me to come over here. He's like, yeah, well, you know, leave, too.”

---

8. Being a Fan vs. a Peer—Audience Hell Stories

• Hilarious, excruciating stories about bad seats, surrounded by mobsters and cameras at friends’ shows, and why comics should never “hook up” their friends in the audience.
  • [32:05] Robert Kelly: “I walked in, like, yeah. She's going to be like, oh, Mr. Kelly, come down this way... No, she... pointed to the door to the left right there. And I went, huh? In the back of the fucking theater.”
  • [35:17] Robert Kelly: “It was. No, it was miserable. So now I, I don't even ask for tickets. I just buy. I buy tickets. I get front row and I want nothing from his people or him.”
  • [36:41] Colin Quinn: "Story ends with one of the strippers punching an old lady in the face in the front row."

---

9. Block by Block and Colin’s New Project

[29:49–30:18]

• Colin describes his affection for talking to “old New Yorkers” and how that led to his new series "Block by Block," which consists of him interviewing real city icons and personalities.
  • [30:14] Jay Oakerson: “That would be my dream.”
  • [29:49] Jay Oakerson to Colin Quinn: “So you’re doing this new show on YouTube. What is this about?”

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Exchanges

• Colin Quinn on the pitfalls of club glory versus success:
  [12:17] Colin Quinn: “Maybe that was one of the things that affected our careers... Yes. Oh, you’re asking me? Oh, yeah. Yes.”

• Jay Oakerson on changing names and success:
  [11:21] Jay Oakerson: “I remember busting Bill [Burr]: you think changing your name to Bill from Billy and not hanging at the table is going to be your road to success? ...Guess who, boy, was it.”

• Robert Kelly, recapping a “VIP” nightmare:
  [34:05] Robert Kelly: “She rolled her eyes as soon as she saw me. She’s like, oh, God, chewing gum. So I get into my seat, next to me is another fat girl... and then what do I see in front of me? A fucking camera.”

• Colin Quinn on the Comic Strip’s pecking order:
  [03:17] Robert Kelly: “No, not the second.” [03:18] Jay Oakerson: “Yeah, the B team. The B team.” [03:22] Colin Quinn: “That was weirdly like Russ Meneve and Ben Bailey were on that table.”

• Jay Oakerson, on his dream YouTube project:
  [30:14] Jay Oakerson: “If I could live my dream, I would go to Target and just grab every old lady and just say, I want to talk to you about your life for the, you know, for the next two hours and just film this.”

• Colin Quinn, on the working-class roots trope:
  [26:01] Colin Quinn: “Nope. I was right. In black West Philadelphia playing basketball. And then Keith found my black ass at a black comedy club and brought my black ass up to introduce it to you. White.”

---

Important Timestamps

| Time | Segment | |------------|-------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:01–06:00 | House envy and “fake humility” gags | | 07:10–09:16 | Comedy Cellar, Patrice O’Neal, legendary ball-busting | | 10:16–11:05 | Jim Norton communication quirks | | 12:12–12:32 | Did ball-busting stunt their careers? | | 14:59–16:33 | Neighborhood wars: Jersey vs. Westchester vs. Upstate NY | | 22:11–24:37 | “Billy Squier pants” segment: Jacob tries on tight pants | | 29:49–30:18 | Colin Quinn describes “Block by Block” series | | 32:05–35:17 | Audience horror stories: being a comic in the audience | | 37:45–39:19 | Steinberg management & agent nightmares |

---

Tone & Style

• Blunt, unfiltered, raucous
• In-joke heavy, but plenty of context for newcomers
• Mix of affectionate ribbing and cutting honesty

---

Final Word

This episode captures the essence of life-long comic friendships: equal parts brutal teasing, nostalgia, and real admiration for each other’s journeys. The “Billy Squier pants” bit, with its merciless fashion roasting, is a fitting microcosm for the group dynamic—nobody escapes, but everyone belongs. Colin Quinn’s presence pulls out deep comedy lore and industry horror stories, making this episode a can’t-miss for fans of standup, NYC comedy history, and those who love a behind-the-scenes look at comic camaraderie and rivalry.

Plugs:

• Colin Quinn’s "Block by Block" streaming on YouTube
• Jay Oakerson: bigjcomedy.com for upcoming tour dates
• Robert Kelly: robertkellylive.com for shows and info

---

Recommended Segments:

• Comedy Cellar stories — [07:10–09:16]
• Billy Squier pants bit — [22:11–24:37]
• Management disaster tales — [37:45–39:19]

Transcript

[Jay Oakerson]

ABC Wednesday.

[Robert Kelly]

Shifting Gears is back.

[Jay Oakerson]

He has arisen. Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in television's number one new comedy.

[Colin Quinn]

What what?

[Robert Kelly]

With a star studded premiere including Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis and.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

A big home improvement reunion welcome.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh boy, that guy's a tool.

[Robert Kelly]

Shifting Gears season premiere Wednesday, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Colin Quinn]

It's pro savings days at Lowes. Get up to 35% off select major appliances and save an additional $1,000 when you buy four select LG major appliances. Plus get a free Dewalt 20 volt max 5amp hour battery when you buy a select Dewalt 20 volt max tool. Get the job done for less at Lowes. We help you Save. Valid through 926. Selection varies by location while supplies last. See associate or lowes.com for more details and qualifying items.

[Jay Oakerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly. Give me some big intro like every other radio show for 30 years.

[Colin Quinn]

Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm walking out. Ladies, let's just go into it.

[Robert Kelly]

My best friend, one of my best friends. Can I say that right?

[Colin Quinn]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you my. Am I. But am I one of your best friends?

[Jay Oakerson]

I have a lot of best friends.

[Robert Kelly]

That's nuts.

[Colin Quinn]

Louis ck, Bill Cosby, Colin Quinn all over the place.

[Robert Kelly]

Colin Quinn. He's got a new series, Block by Block is Streaming now on YouTube. YouTube.com Colin Quinn Blackley wants a. Oh, black picture. Yeah. Telling them how to do radio. Oh, wow. Are you really doing this to Colin? Move one of us.

[Jay Oakerson]

How's this, guys? Great.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, man.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, great.

[Colin Quinn]

That was uncomfortable.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me help you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, there you go.

[Robert Kelly]

That's it right there. You like that?

[Colin Quinn]

This is what it's like watching me with Keith. I was gonna take care of him.

[Jay Oakerson]

I spoke to Keith today. He says, nice mini tv.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh.

[Jay Oakerson]

You brought it up.

[Colin Quinn]

It's not a mini. It's not a mini television. It's a large television for outside television.

[Jay Oakerson]

A 14 inch screen.

[Colin Quinn]

It's so much more than that.

[Robert Kelly]

It's the greatest. One of the greatest moments of my life is seeing Jay just seeing Keith walk into his home. Just amazing home. And Keith just stumbles in with his dumb king.

[Colin Quinn]

Your tv I wanted to show. I was so excited to show Keith, particularly my house.

[Robert Kelly]

He was talking about it all day. He told me this beautiful story about how Keith used to bring him, make him come to New York from Philly when little Chubby J didn't want to come.

[Jay Oakerson]

I remember.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm just going to stay home Tonight. And Keith would call him up, if you, you stay home, you're never going to make it. You got to be there, stupid. And he took those words and showed up every night.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

In his little shitty car.

[Jay Oakerson]

See, and he was wrong.

[Colin Quinn]

And who knew? Keith was an idiot then as much as he is right now.

[Jay Oakerson]

I remember Jay coming, shuffling. Kurt Metzger, Jay and little Kev coming in like, oh, shucks.

[Colin Quinn]

We were really out of nowhere sitting.

[Jay Oakerson]

Where you guys belonged to. One foot on the bar stool and one foot on the little table. They weren't even allowed at that second table.

[Robert Kelly]

No, not the second.

[Jay Oakerson]

The.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, the, the B team. The B team.

[Colin Quinn]

That was weirdly like Russ Maneve and Ben Bailey were on that table.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's right.

[Colin Quinn]

They were on the outside table. And then we were on the outside of the outside.

[Jay Oakerson]

They'd get in the car and drive home and Jay would go, I, I talked to Ross Bennett tonight.

[Colin Quinn]

And they'd go, who? I go, eddie Strange. Come on. This room's got no history of comedy. How dare all of you. Fuck all of you. Yeah. So Keith, I was so excited to come show my house and he walked in and it's not a very big house, but I'd say front of house through garage into backyard. 14 minute walk for Keith. So. And then he made fun of my tv. As soon as he sat down, he goes, could you have a smaller TV? It's a 55 inch screen television outside, not 14.

[Robert Kelly]

Nothing. Nothing. There is a couple feet on either side of the tv. He could have got a bigger.

[Colin Quinn]

It's being corrected.

[Robert Kelly]

He could have got the bigger one.

[Jay Oakerson]

It'll be finished because outside, you know, you have the whole world is your wall.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

So you want it to be a little bigger.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, it's in a pavilion.

[Jay Oakerson]

It is.

[Robert Kelly]

He has a fireplace, refrigerator, pool, Jacuzzi. He's saying small house. He's, I, I, he's making me sick to my stomach. It's an amazing, huge, beautiful house. It's a dream house for most people.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is he saying that to just be like, you know, like fake humble?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he's being humble. He does, he, he doesn't want to like right now.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's very happy that you're telling me it's a dream house.

[Colin Quinn]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

He is sitting there.

[Colin Quinn]

He knows I hate this.

[Jay Oakerson]

Come on, enough.

[Robert Kelly]

It's unbelievable, his house. He has a living room in his bedroom, like an, a little living room with a little TV and a couch, a love seat, and he's got a step down living room in his bedroom. Two to the walk in closet.

[Jay Oakerson]

Does it feel like the fans of Bonfire are going to be like, oh, Jay's changed, He's got too much. Is that what it is, Jay? You want to be. You still want to be Jay, you're.

[Robert Kelly]

Getting mad at me about this, but because you have a beautiful house, this is a compliment you need to accept.

[Colin Quinn]

I want you to lay everything out about your house.

[Robert Kelly]

I have an average house.

[Jay Oakerson]

He feels like he's losing street cred by hanging.

[Colin Quinn]

Fancy house Bobby.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's afraid someday he'll be on stage. Nice house, Jay.

[Colin Quinn]

He's like, let me describe Bobby's house. It's a nice little two level house. And from what I know, it can fit a trans person. That's all I know of it so far.

[Jay Oakerson]

We had trans person.

[Robert Kelly]

We had Norton over for Thanksgiving.

[Colin Quinn]

He wasn't the trans person. It was his wife.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I was gonna say fitting. Norton is. No, it's not. That's hard. You have a one bedroom.

[Colin Quinn]

No, no. But when he's being carried in by a Viking priestess.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. And we don't know if he's not the trans person yet. The jury's out. We don't know what outfits she puts.

[Jay Oakerson]

True.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. She's one sneeze during a blow job for making him a woman also.

[Jay Oakerson]

And he is very malleable, let's be honest.

[Colin Quinn]

Malleable. He just. That's the. Was my favorite description of. There was one on Joe derosa leaving the cellar one night, furious. When he first started coming to New York, slinking out of the Cellar, it was just that. And it was. I think him and Steve Byrne were trying to talk to chicks and Kurt kept going around and, you know, Kurt's like autistic energy for. He just wants everybody to hear the joke. He's not really thinking that there's girls around him or something. And, you know, Kurt's an artist. And he goes, hey, look, is this a funny picture of Joe the rose? And he just drew this, like, very rudimentary picture, but it looked so much like Joe and this awful picture. And it was like a whole body thing. And he was. And he would just tell you. He goes, oh, yeah, it's really easy to draw Joe. He goes, you just start by making two sacks. And he just called it two sacks of Joe. And he was making fun of me. He goes. And then you just kind of draw it. Like, it looks like, you know, Joe left the house before he set to go out to, you know, like Jell O. Because they took him out of the mold too quick is all. And Joe just leaving behind, being fucking furious. Like, rip the picture up. Which is even funnier. Like, when someone gets an aggressive move and rips it up. It's the best. Oh, it's the best when someone gets actually angry.

[Jay Oakerson]

Exactly. Joe tried to delete the picture.

[Colin Quinn]

Patrice doing dice to Norton when he had a girl at the Cellar one night and kept telling him to be like, pick up my laundry. Oh. And then the first time I saw Norton come over and, like, slap the table, and he goes, that's fucking enough. I have a girl. He was cursed. Like, he quietly cursed out Patrice. But seeing somebody get to the point. Patrice used to drive people to the point. I see D.C. benny flip out on Patrice.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he did. Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

He could bring up. He could bring him out quick.

[Robert Kelly]

The best was when Manny snapped on him, kicked him out of the cell.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Colin Quinn]

Manny was the owner of.

[Robert Kelly]

Manny was the owner of the comedy seller. He was an older dude. Gnome wasn't around at that time. Gnome was at the. Wah. And it was. It was. The Cellar table was usually Manny. Ava. Esty.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

There was no Liz.

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

No Liz. And. And it was me. It was. It was Norton, me, Patrice and Greg, Geraldo. And. Okay, so everybody was talking. Like, me and Geraldo were talking to Manny. Norton was talking to Avraham Sd. And. But nobody was. Everybody was not ignoring Patrice. But nobody was talking to him. And, you know, he can't have that. So he was just sitting there, and I saw him just kind of being uncomfortable. And then he just went, yo, Manny, are all your teeth real? Manny. Manny went, you motherfucker. You fucking embarrass me in front of my fucking. My woman and my friends. Fuck you. And Patrice was like, yo, yo, yo. No, no, no. I'm just wondering, like. And he tried to backpedal.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And me and Geraldo and Norton, we're just putting our heads down. Like, what a fucking dumb piece of you are.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God.

[Colin Quinn]

And he stayed angry at him.

[Robert Kelly]

He stayed angry at him and he kicked him out. And then Norton stuck up for Patrice. He goes, look, he was. He was just trying to. I know him. He's just nervous. He just said something because nobody was talking to him. And he goes, you, too. And then Norton left. He got kicked out of the cell.

[Colin Quinn]

Bobby, we're going to work on your friend impressions. They all are. Just a version of you that you do for Bill Burr.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

And then Colin comes over and he.

[Jay Oakerson]

Goes, hey, I don't have to think.

[Robert Kelly]

Over there with the thing Dude, Yeah, dude, you up. The thing with the impression guy. Okay, so let's just settle down. It's not my fault.

[Colin Quinn]

Where is he?

[Robert Kelly]

This still wants impressions.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's my Newton impression, right? Yeah. Hey, man.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, that's pretty good.

[Robert Kelly]

That's pretty good.

[Colin Quinn]

He's a good. Norton is the guy who told me though, about, like, you really got to be in his circle before he'll get into the talking other comics with you. Because I remember coming early on things and trying to, like, you know, bond over, like, this guy. Right. He'd be like, great, dude. Just not talk about it anymore.

[Jay Oakerson]

First of all, no one's in. Obviously you don't know Norton as well as we do. We're not in his circle.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

If we call Jim Norton, he might text you back a day later. But if you text him and text you back, if you call him, he'll text you back a day later to inform you, like, don't ever call me again.

[Robert Kelly]

Norton called me. Norton called me and then in the conversation went, I got to call you back. I was like, what? He called me. He's like, I got to ask you a question. I'm like, yeah, what's up? He's like, I gotta call you back. And never, never called me back.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

When you're being butt fucked by a woman, you need time. He's gotta think things through before he talks to you. He's gotta snap back to the gym that you know, not the person that's doing whatever in that godforsaken room.

[Robert Kelly]

I wanna let you know, Jay, no, you don't need time.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, he finishes fast by. Jim's tight. Jim's very, very tight.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Jim doesn't. He never calls or nothing.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Has he ever called you and said, hey, what's up? How you doing?

[Jay Oakerson]

Never. He never called.

[Colin Quinn]

Would you answer it?

[Jay Oakerson]

Is a text now? I wouldn't. Yeah, but a few years ago I would have. You understand. He's been doing this to us for like 12 years.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he does.

[Jay Oakerson]

And we bust his balls about it on the show all the time. The show. He used to be. And. And he would just look at us like, yeah. He never goes like, oh, I don't do that, or I'll call you guys. No, he just looks just like you.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Why? What do we do?

[Jay Oakerson]

I think Jim just made a decision. Don't forget Bill Burr. Speaking of Bill Burr, he. He literally sat at the table and I remember busting both going, you think you're changing your name to Bill from Billy and you're not going to hang out at the table. And this is going to be your road to success.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, guess who, boy, was it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jay.

[Robert Kelly]

My name's Robert from now on.

[Colin Quinn]

Rob.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Paco. Don't look at me in the eyes. Fuck.

[Colin Quinn]

God bless him, though.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you think that I always think this?

[Colin Quinn]

Do you think I remember the shift, the Billy Bird of Bill Burr?

[Jay Oakerson]

You do?

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And remember he left the table, he's like, this is not a fucking place for success. I was like, he's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you think that us trying to be funny and bust balls and have fun and be an assholes to each other, do you think that that affect. Maybe that was one of the things that affected our careers?

[Colin Quinn]

Yes. Oh, you're asking me? Oh, yeah. Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, yeah, maybe. I mean, who knows? I mean, I always thought that was the whole point of coming in this business. But it may have affected us. But look, those from the Fries Club got away with it. Why couldn't we?

[Robert Kelly]

Because they had a place to do it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, maybe that's.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Secret wall.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, that was the problem too. Speaking of Patrice, now that you mentioned Patrice, you're not just us busting each other's balls like a Friars Club. Literally, Patrice. Other tables of nice people. Midwestern people coming to a show. And suddenly they're like a little tipsy after one drink.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's the other problem, Keith. Patrice. You know what I mean?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

The blacks.

[Jay Oakerson]

The blacks. Yeah. You notice the fryer clubs had. Prize club had no blacks.

[Robert Kelly]

Did they have no blacks?

[Colin Quinn]

One for 100 years. Dick Gregory was the one for. He died.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't think he's a prize club dad. Maybe George Kirby or somebody like that.

[Robert Kelly]

Will you remember the Fries Club?

[Colin Quinn]

No. Rejected.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

They wouldn't take your. They wouldn't accept you.

[Jay Oakerson]

I live two blocks away. I went twice. It makes my stomach hurt. Every time I walked in, I was like, g. Why?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just something about the energy in there or something.

[Robert Kelly]

It's gone now, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

I. Yeah, it's something else.

[Robert Kelly]

It's something else.

[Colin Quinn]

Somebody would always smell like old Jewish food.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

You know, make always like a soup. Like a very noodly. Noodly soup.

[Jay Oakerson]

A pool table that nobody used at a pool table.

[Colin Quinn]

Again, a guy very uncomfortable furniture. Uncomfortable. It.

[Robert Kelly]

A pool table with no pockets. It was like one of those English.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no. Like snooker.

[Colin Quinn]

It's billiards.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, billiards.

[Jay Oakerson]

But it would be cool to own that place.

[Robert Kelly]

It'd be cool to have a place to hang. Like a Comic hang. Yeah, we should do that.

[Jay Oakerson]

They smoke cigars there, too. Oh, you. Well, you guys can form your new gay Westchester Comics Club. You, Chrissy Day, Giannis, Pete P. Dave Davidson.

[Colin Quinn]

Everybody says Westchester, but that's just the lie to make you feel like they. They want you to feel like the. That they have made a bad decision moving up that far away. So they all call it Westchester. Bobby lives two and a half hours up north. It's crazy.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know Bobby's town. It's pretty nice.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a nice town.

[Colin Quinn]

It's very nice. You have to get there.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't know the town. You've never been to the town town.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know, like the thing about your.

[Robert Kelly]

I love his neighborhood. It's very.

[Jay Oakerson]

Where is it?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want to say, but is it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is it where mayor of East Town lives?

[Colin Quinn]

No, no, I'm in Jersey.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're not in North Jersey in one of those South Jersey, Pennsylvania border towns. I know exactly where you belong.

[Robert Kelly]

That's Joe derosa.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, that's where I belong.

[Robert Kelly]

He belongs next to Tony Luke's.

[Jay Oakerson]

You belong in a. In Levittown. Penns. Right on the tops. You belong in Chambersburg.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, yeah, no, Levittown. That's right where I belong. You're right. Like a stone throw from Sesame Place. I still go to a water park at this age.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he. No, his town is nice. He's got a nice. His neighborhood is nice, but he's got that Jersey. It's just strip malls. You know what I mean? Like, there's no small town. Like, my town is a small old town.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I know.

[Colin Quinn]

But where's the Cheesecake Factory?

[Robert Kelly]

Don't have it.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, then how are you going to get to tie chicken lettuce wraps?

[Robert Kelly]

You don't get it. You don't get that.

[Colin Quinn]

You don't have Thai chicken lettuce wraps up there.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't.

[Colin Quinn]

I don't want to live in your stupid town with Ryan Reynolds.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're telling us you live right off 17. We get it pretty good.

[Robert Kelly]

That's close.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know exactly where he lives.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's my town, man.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, there's still a railroad.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, there's a train, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Colin Quinn]

Do people work on it all the live long day?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I. I love. Listen, I. I think Westchester is better than Jersey. Just because getting in and out of the city is better, because you don't have to go through the tunnels. It's easier.

[Colin Quinn]

Can be.

[Robert Kelly]

It is.

[Colin Quinn]

There's no bridge or anything. Yeah, until you're until your highway floods. That's good call, Christine. Right. Thank you for that Arsenal.

[Robert Kelly]

I hate that I tell him stuff once in a while and he just keeps it in his memory.

[Colin Quinn]

What about when your thing floods the.

[Robert Kelly]

Sawmill and it floods once in a while?

[Jay Oakerson]

Sawmill's a nightmare.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Jay Oakerson]

The Taconic's a nightmare.

[Robert Kelly]

The Taconic is the worst because it's deers and turkeys.

[Colin Quinn]

Two of your three ways into the city.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I don't think that's.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think more people die in the Taconic than any other highway.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a. In the world. I'm frightened when I do.

[Colin Quinn]

Instead of a tunnel, I should sentence myself to death to live near you.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't know crazy. Yeah. But if your tunnel leaks, you're done.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

Didn't you ever see daylight?

[Robert Kelly]

And if something. Yeah, but you're not.

[Jay Oakerson]

There's angry the draconic. For some reason, people, they have roadways and that's after DePaulo left. He used to live up there too.

[Colin Quinn]

He started. He left the fire. He let the fire never stop raging.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, DePaul's town was kind of ghetto.

[Jay Oakerson]

What town?

[Robert Kelly]

Ossining.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, Sing Sing's right there.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's like we were looking at there, but it was like the school sucked and it was kind of ghetto. But where he lived. He just lived in the woods.

[Colin Quinn]

What do you mean by ghetto exactly?

[Jay Oakerson]

How can I put this? Low income, urban.

[Robert Kelly]

Paco's roommates.

[Colin Quinn]

Did the corner stores have drinks that were under 50 cents?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they made their own popsicles.

[Colin Quinn]

That's small town.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it was. Yeah, there it is right there.

[Colin Quinn]

No one's at any of these places. Nobody cares about these mom and pop shops. It's a ghost town you live in.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it is a little my mine.

[Colin Quinn]

I'm out in Passaic county, dude. Cheesecake Factory. PF Changs.

[Robert Kelly]

Home goods.

[Colin Quinn]

Home goods.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at you got all the.

[Colin Quinn]

There's a Marshalls, there's a dxl. Because I'm really not quite in mall shirts yet.

[Robert Kelly]

But are you still dxl?

[Colin Quinn]

I'll still do a dxl.

[Robert Kelly]

I am so glad I haven't been back there. I. I walk by, I drive by. I give it to the finger. It was. I hate it. I hate.

[Colin Quinn]

Not the best choice.

[Jay Oakerson]

I like this. I like the fact that the rest of the guys don't really. They feel uncomfortable when a guest comes in and they're like not in contributing because they're like. They don't know my vibe. I like that.

[Colin Quinn]

Jacob's flat out afraid of you.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Colin Quinn]

I watched it happen.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacob's afraid, right?

[Colin Quinn]

He's. Jacob's afraid.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's intimidated by me.

[Colin Quinn]

He was going to do a bit.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know, I loved him on the big Christmas show.

[Colin Quinn]

He had a bit. He was going to show us that he got a pair of sweatpants that he thought might be hugging his ass too much. So then.

[Jay Oakerson]

But why. Yeah, why did you hate to. Why would you hesitate with the bit after I was so goddamn supportive during the big Christmas show?

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, because, yeah, Christine made him feel bad. Well, Christine also shamed him. He facetimed Christine for some odd reason, to show her his ass in the pants.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Colin Quinn]

And she secretly took pictures of that.

[Jay Oakerson]

To show us and not secretly left, I guess. You want to be kicked off series radio?

[Colin Quinn]

No, that's how Open got fired. No, I know, but Lou actually gives me $10 to film him shitting every day. He goes, come over the top. So I don't even know you're there.

[Jay Oakerson]

So what happened? So he was trying on pants was the bitch.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, he wanted to see. He wanted us to tell him if he had, like a, you know, legging muffin top. He was worried about his. No, he's worried about his head. This guy's got no muffin top. Shredded.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he's ripped, huh?

[Colin Quinn]

Shredded. But he wanted to put on. He was gonna put him on and let us kind of judge and like, you know, if it was funny, laugh at it. I said, we'll do it after when we have Colin in here. And he goes, I don't want to do that in front of Colin.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, no, no, no. You have. Colin is the best judge of tight sweatpants.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, I probably am. I just bought some. Well, not sweatpants, but exercise pants, so maybe I could contribute.

[Robert Kelly]

You bought exercise pants?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I guess.

[Robert Kelly]

What is that?

[Colin Quinn]

What does that mean?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. I forgot what they're called.

[Robert Kelly]

How old are you? How old are you that you bought exercise pants? Is it a onesie like Jack lalanne?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, it feels like it is.

[Colin Quinn]

Does it have the one Crossbody straps, you can lift weights that have the weight number printed on a big circle, so.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacob.

[Robert Kelly]

What? Come on, just change into the pants. Let. Let's just do this. We have some music.

[Jay Oakerson]

We might as well do it.

[Robert Kelly]

We have a little sexy movie.

[Jay Oakerson]

Because you know what? The thing is, when you try to wait until the right time, then it always up.

[Robert Kelly]

That's right. Right.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, this seems like the wrong time, and it probably is. But for now, you know.

[Colin Quinn]

No. When it comes to reducing carbon emissions, the heaviest industries face the toughest challenges. That's where we come in. ExxonMobil is investing in technology to help American industry lower its emissions, including in our own operations, all while empowering businesses and creating job opportunities. It turns out that fewer emissions can mean a stronger economy. ExxonMobil, let's deliver.

[Jay Oakerson]

ABC Wednesday.

[Robert Kelly]

Shifting gears is back.

[Jay Oakerson]

It has arisen. Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in television's number one new comedy.

[Colin Quinn]

What what?

[Robert Kelly]

With a star studded premiere including Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis and.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

A big home improvement reunion welcome.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh boy, that guy's a tool.

[Robert Kelly]

Shifting Gears season premiere Wednesday, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Jay Oakerson]

Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change your receipt did. The sausage McMuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just dol.

[Colin Quinn]

Only at McDonald's for a limited time.

[Robert Kelly]

Prices and participation may vary.

[Ad/Announcer]

If you're looking to help your child catch up, stay sharp or get a head start this school year without the stress. IXL is the answer. Its interactive lessons keep kids engaged with content tailored to their level pace and learning style. IXL is the award winning platform proven to boost grades in math, science, social studies and more. One subscription works for all your kids, saving your family time and money. Visit ixl.com 20 to get the most effective learning program out there with an exclusive 20 off.

[Colin Quinn]

I saw any excuse to get Jacob to peel down.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. Are you wearing them under there?

[Colin Quinn]

No, no.

[Jay Oakerson]

Whoa. Now, you don't want Jake looked at me like you're okay with this. What's that? I gotta take them off.

[Colin Quinn]

Wait, this guy's still friends with a couple.

[Jay Oakerson]

What do you mean?

[Colin Quinn]

This guy's still friends with a couple of the Westies over there. You're gonna get naked in front of him.

[Jay Oakerson]

I like that. He goes, no, like. What the hell? I don't know the rules.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you playing Bill Squire?

[Jay Oakerson]

That's right.

[Robert Kelly]

The song that took him down.

[Jay Oakerson]

Billy Squire. Oh, I'm not gonna crawl on the floor.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on, do it.

[Colin Quinn]

Remember how he danced all like this, Jacob?

[Jay Oakerson]

I remember. You're saying it's gonna be his Billy Squire moment.

[Colin Quinn]

Absolutely. I bailed on everyone.

[Jay Oakerson]

I bailed on Billy Squire.

[Colin Quinn]

That.

[Jay Oakerson]

By the way, you know what would have brought him back? He changed his name to Bill Squire.

[Colin Quinn]

That's true. It worked for Bill Squire, that comedian from Cleveland.

[Robert Kelly]

Actually, you're wearing the same pants.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, you know it's funny.

[Robert Kelly]

You bought Bill Squire exercise pants.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, my God. Dude, you got yourself a pair of Billy Squires. Now we just need to get you. Now we need to get you alternating color tank tops. So we're on top of each other.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, are you kidding me? This is crazy. Oh, this is great.

[Robert Kelly]

Put them on and do the dance. What the.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm not doing the dance, dude. Wait.

[Robert Kelly]

What's up? Dude, I gotta ask you a question. Do you have thigh pockets?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

You have thigh pockets. What are you putting in there? Your dildos?

[Colin Quinn]

Fake muscles.

[Jay Oakerson]

Look.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, let me see. Back up. Look at the camera. Get the camera on him.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, there's him doing. There's him cam girling. Christine.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

Where was it?

[Jay Oakerson]

They're not Billy Squire pants. But they're not. Not Billy.

[Colin Quinn]

The double tank top look should come back. Jacob, those hug your are great.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, dude, I think they look great.

[Jay Oakerson]

They look really good.

[Robert Kelly]

Do me a favor. Bend over a little bit just to see what happens when you bend over and exercise. Turn that way around. Turn that way.

[Jay Oakerson]

Not bad. Not bad. Oh, man.

[Colin Quinn]

Give me a taste.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, just arch your back a little bit.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are you doing? Yeah. You doing like dead lips with those?

[Colin Quinn]

He is.

[Jay Oakerson]

I do like dead lips. Yes.

[Colin Quinn]

Jacob, don't you do the thing where you like put the weight like right above your and like hump up off the side of the bench?

[Jay Oakerson]

It's called. They're called hip thrusts.

[Colin Quinn]

Hip thrusts. You do those, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Me, me and Jacob and the boys do rubber band resistant band workout on Saturdays. Yeah, once in a while.

[Jay Oakerson]

All together.

[Robert Kelly]

Over zoom?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we do over zoom.

[Robert Kelly]

We should all get.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nothing gay about that.

[Colin Quinn]

I'm not involved.

[Robert Kelly]

You should be.

[Colin Quinn]

Got some weights. I got some weights in my house. I just fuck around with that.

[Jay Oakerson]

You do?

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

In front of the tv.

[Colin Quinn]

No, it's too small.

[Jay Oakerson]

The weights block.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm sorry.

[Jay Oakerson]

The weights blocked the. Screw. The weights blocked the screen.

[Colin Quinn]

I told Keith to come inside and see the six other gigantic TVs, but it would take him 72 hours to get through my house.

[Jay Oakerson]

I like that. Jay's really annoyed by Keith.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you really getting trashing TV on the one hand?

[Jay Oakerson]

On the one hand, getting a new tv. On the one hand you're saying, please don't, you know, trying to downplay your house. On the other hand, you're getting mad when somebody else downplays it.

[Colin Quinn]

He didn't downplay it. He lies to people and says, I have a 14 inch monitor outside of my house and I'm Gonna get a sound bar on that some, too.

[Robert Kelly]

The sound was a little low. I. I'm just saying. Good that you get.

[Colin Quinn]

You watched it and you have a hot tub.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are you, like, an Eagles fan?

[Colin Quinn]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

All right. I don't know.

[Colin Quinn]

Yes, you do.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but Pennsylvania is so big. You could be a Steelers fan.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, but Philadelphia is Philadelphia.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but I think you might be from that other part.

[Colin Quinn]

You said I wandered over to Keith in Philadelphia to Western. That's only the Shane story. Do you think we all have Shane's origin story from a small town in western Pennsylvania? Nope. I was right. In black West Philadelphia playing basketball. And then Keith found my black ass at a black comedy club and brought my black ass up to introduce it to you. White.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wait a minute.

[Colin Quinn]

He goes, I know Colin Quinn. I say, sure you don't.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't like the fact that Shane got a scholarship to West Point playing football. It pisses me off.

[Robert Kelly]

Why?

[Jay Oakerson]

Cuz I want to be that for.

[Robert Kelly]

At what position?

[Jay Oakerson]

Basketball.

[Robert Kelly]

You. I. I'm not gonna say it.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, no, he was smart to do that. You don't know the positions in basketball, but he would have confused you. If he said small forward, you'd be like soccer.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you remember we played basketball in.

[Colin Quinn]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

In Japan.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, of course. That was pretty good fun.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, you smoked me. He's really good at basketball.

[Colin Quinn]

We played before.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's the only sport I could. Wait a minute. I played with Jay.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Years ago. We played late night. And it was Jay against Patrice.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I have to say, Jay was very impressive. I still remember your spin. He had the spin. Spin.

[Colin Quinn]

Move my body into Patrice's.

[Jay Oakerson]

And Patrice.

[Colin Quinn]

Large torso.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Patrice was really.

[Colin Quinn]

But he was taller than I do. Better with people that are taller than me. Because you can get under. It's rare that I can get, like, under somebody to move them back.

[Robert Kelly]

Were you there the night that we were all playing and Sherrod Small took Matt Frost.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

And picked him up and slammed. Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was there, Jay. You were there.

[Colin Quinn]

We slammed him on the ground. Always, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

We were there.

[Jay Oakerson]

You were there, Jay. We only played three times.

[Colin Quinn]

It's true. We really.

[Robert Kelly]

You were there. We got Norton pom poms and a little horn. Because he didn't play. He would just watch us play.

[Jay Oakerson]

Remember that?

[Robert Kelly]

We got him.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't remember.

[Robert Kelly]

We got him pom poms in his little horn. But we were there one night, and they just got serious.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

And Sherrod just picked Matt Frost up and slammed.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I'll tell you exactly what happened. They were both holding the ball.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And they both got serious, and he wouldn't let go of the ball.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

So, sure, I picked him up. He's still holding the ball.

[Robert Kelly]

And you heard thump.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was a border.

[Colin Quinn]

The whole activity was borderline dangerous because we played. It wasn't 4th Street. We went over to, like, 27th and, like, 9th in the project.

[Robert Kelly]

Projects. That's why none of us stuck up for Matt Frost, Just in case we had to get out of there.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. Sherrod was going to be just fine.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you know why we stopped playing? Right.

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Because one night, we're all playing. We played, like, three times within the last night. The brothers in the projects were like. They were like, ah. And they all came out. They're like, yo, you guys. You guys want to play?

[Colin Quinn]

We want to play too.

[Robert Kelly]

We went, oh, we're done.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, we were actually just leaving.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes, of course.

[Colin Quinn]

You could have my ball.

[Robert Kelly]

And you can have this little white cheerleader, bald guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

I knew a kid that grew up there. Irish. They used to be, like, 20 Irish. Those projects.

[Colin Quinn]

Those particular ones.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

That's kind of the midtown, right? Can't you say that my wealthiest joke.

[Robert Kelly]

Can't you say that about everywhere?

[Colin Quinn]

There's a gay, there was a black. They had everything. Place was crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

So you got. You got your new. First of all, I saw your hour the other night. I watched it.

[Jay Oakerson]

You did?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Dude, it's infuriating that you're. You get a whole new.

[Jay Oakerson]

Thanks.

[Robert Kelly]

His first joke was so good. He said, well, I'm gonna kill it. But he's like, I don't do this crowd work stuff. I'm not doing any of that stuff.

[Colin Quinn]

It's.

[Robert Kelly]

I have jokes for losers, and I'm gonna do my jokes.

[Colin Quinn]

Then you go, it's the lazy man's comedy.

[Robert Kelly]

Then he goes, what do you. What do you think about that? Yes or no? It was so funny. He looks at these two kids. What do you think about that, fellas? Yes or no? Ah, it's such a great hour. So you're doing this new show on YouTube. What is this about?

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, block by block is.

[Robert Kelly]

Just settle down. What the. We got time left.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's me, you know, going around, interviewing all those old New Yorkers. Few more coming up this year. You know what I mean? Just people. I should know that. I just want to. I mean, in my dream, if. If I could live my dream, I would go to Target and just grab every old lady and just say, I want to talk to you about your Life for the, you know, for the next two hours and just film this. That would be my dream.

[Colin Quinn]

What did you do instead?

[Jay Oakerson]

Stand up, hang out with us people from little. Like, yeah, every block. Like, I like to do every block.

[Colin Quinn]

You'd like to be a scholarship West Point basketball player who eventually went on to interview the elderly of New York?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't think West Point.

[Colin Quinn]

I think these are achievable dreams.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me ask you a question, though, because I think I saw one of the episodes. Is one of the guys in the episode the guy that I sat next to at your special?

[Jay Oakerson]

No. Because maybe.

[Robert Kelly]

Remember the, Remember the guy with the. All Pierre Cardin and the.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, you're saying there was a plant? He had a plant for the crowd.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I am. I was gonna realize I was actually gonna interview him, and he's very sick.

[Robert Kelly]

No, because at one time when I told you the whole story about a special debacle, I told you that, right?

[Colin Quinn]

They set you behind a.

[Robert Kelly]

They sat me behind a guy behind cameras.

[Colin Quinn]

It's a lack of respect that I feel like Colin has kept his chest out about the entire time. He goes, it's where you were going to sit.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't forget about the guy with Tourette's spinning in Dawn's hair that she just got done.

[Jay Oakerson]

Twitchels. Remember Louis?

[Robert Kelly]

Every. Every five seconds in Dawn's hair, I'm like, I want to murder somebody. Then he gives me this.

[Colin Quinn]

Hey, how much did you pay for that ticket, though?

[Jay Oakerson]

He pays for my shows. He's the only one.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I pay now. I pay now. I never.

[Jay Oakerson]

But even. No, you did pay then. No, you paid for that one. No, not for that night. You paid earlier.

[Robert Kelly]

I remember I paid. But you said, I got you.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's right.

[Robert Kelly]

He said, I got you. So when I walked in, I literally.

[Colin Quinn]

Walked in like, Collins got me.

[Robert Kelly]

I walked in like, yeah. She's going to be like, oh, Mr. Kelly, come down this way.

[Colin Quinn]

A different entrance.

[Robert Kelly]

No, she went right. Louie pointed in the door to the left right there. And I went, huh? In the back of the fucking theater. Anyways, next one.

[Colin Quinn]

I thought it was going to be a fire escape for you. Just get out. He goes, go now. Go out the back.

[Robert Kelly]

The next one. The next one. I, I, I, I got mad at you. I'm like, I called him that night. I'm like, this is after they filmed a special. I called him. I'm like, go yourself. You're a. And he. The next one, he's like, dude, I got. I'll never let that happen again. I'm so sorry. It was a mess.

[Jay Oakerson]

It didn't happen again.

[Robert Kelly]

What did happen? What happened again is I drove. I drove all the way, two hours in traffic to make it down there. I made it down.

[Colin Quinn]

But you only live in Westchester.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it was traffic. But you're like right there at my times, Jay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Colin Quinn]

It's like that was here. And that was just like.

[Robert Kelly]

It was five o'. Clock. It was an accident. Somebody hit a deer.

[Colin Quinn]

There was a flood. There was a deer.

[Robert Kelly]

It was a race riot.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

So I get all the way down there. There's literally somebody waiting for me. Mr. Kelly. I'm like, this is what I like. Bring me. Wait right here. We're gonna get you. They forget about me in the hallway. I gotta go. Hey, you guys. Oh, yeah, come with us. They sit me in a row. And his. One of his friends that he. He's talking about. This guy is a murdered people. He's an Irish mob guy from Brooklyn.

[Colin Quinn]

Not like yesterday, though.

[Robert Kelly]

All Pierre Cardin and like a mock turtleneck Jesus. Little pinky. He's got a clatter ring upside down because he murdered people.

[Colin Quinn]

I know that was a thing anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm fat. He looks at me, he looks at me. I go, hey, excuse me. He's with this guma. He looks at me. I go, excuse me. He goes, ah, fuck. And I'm like, I'm sorry. Like, I have to get in this row. And he. Come on.

[Colin Quinn]

He goes, this guy's gonna get Cheeto fingers on my Perry Ellis suit.

[Robert Kelly]

He goes, come on, get up. Let him in. So I kind of.

[Jay Oakerson]

I remember that goes like a floozy. Like the old days.

[Robert Kelly]

She rolled her eyes as soon as she saw me. She's like, oh, God, chewing gum. So I. I get into my seat, next to me is another fat girl. She sees me immediately, just puts both her fat arms on the thing. Like, you're not getting these arms. So I had to hold my tits, the whole thing. And then what do I see in front of me? A fucking camera.

[Colin Quinn]

I almost is this heaviest, but this isn't heaviest.

[Robert Kelly]

This is one of them. This is. I was pretty heavy. This is. I had to hold my tits the whole show. Because I would literally have touched serial killer friend of his girlfriend and I would have been murdered. And fatso next to me. Fatso next to me would have elbow me this Samoan. I was sitting next to whatever agent friend, fat friend, you. And then. Oh, and then there's a camera in front of me. So I'm literally spending the Whole show I just wanted to look around. I'm looking around the camera and I'm just mean monger.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, and you're holding your tits and trying to lean.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

Which sucks. You now have no support of your arms to like lean on. Like you could lean like this or you could lean like this. But I understand as a fat guy when you're hugging tits and trying to give yourself like some what called peck cleavage almost. Yes, you, you. If you lean, you're going to like. It's no good.

[Robert Kelly]

It was. No, it was miserable. So now I, I don't even ask for tickets. I just buy. I buy tickets. I get front row and I want nothing from his people or him.

[Colin Quinn]

But you want him to see that you spent the money for front row.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I do. I do. Tell him that. Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

You said front row.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I get front row.

[Colin Quinn]

Do you hate that?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no.

[Colin Quinn]

Really?

[Jay Oakerson]

Because I. When I grew up in New York, everybody that I've ever known has been in my shows for the first few years. Like ah, my friends are coming start. When I first started they would be like. And I was. You know when you knew. You don't even understand like the other community. Like your friends are really being ah. What are they complaining about? Like these professional comedians. I was like an amateur. Get the out. We heard that one last time we were here and they go, you're a dick. Right. It was a couple of fights. Like they try to attack these comedians. A couple of my friends.

[Robert Kelly]

That's all right. It's just an umbrella.

[Jay Oakerson]

And yeah, so yeah, so it was just kind of. I'm used to people I know.

[Colin Quinn]

What's your worst. What's your worst story of. I have so many myself of bringing just the wrong, like letting the wrong person come to a show where they fuck where they just the night up. I've had so many of those where it's just go. I brought a. I invited almost like a. Just a synopsis. I invited a guy who owned a strip club and his bartender and they brought two of the stripper girls. Prostitute stripper girls, strippers. The worst audience for front row to watch me hosting for Brian Regan at Caroline's.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh my God.

[Colin Quinn]

Story ends with one of the strippers punching an old lady in the face in the front row.

[Robert Kelly]

I had my little, my little brother at Boston. The comics come home, they have a huge VIP thing after. And I got literally my whole family in this VIP thing which I never should have did. And my little brother who's drunk off his ass kept going Jimmy Fallon sucks, and I'm like, his family. Jimmy Fallon's in this room. It's not like we're at a bar. And I, I. I literally said, hey, man, you got to stop that. He's like, I know, but he sucked. I go, but you got to stop talking because I don't know. He's like, yeah, but he sucked. And I'm like, I know, but I grabbed him at one point. I go, listen to me. You got to fucking stop fucking saying that, because this is gonna fuck me up. There's people here. Everybody's here. This is not a. This is vip. This is Jimmy's friends, agents. And he goes. He just. He just. He goes, all right, all right, all right. He pulls back and he goes, but he does fucking suck. I just walked away. I just left the party. I left my party. I went. I went back to the hotel.

[Colin Quinn]

Have you ever had the pleasure of bringing the either or of the Steinbergs back somewhere with you? The government goes, hey, where's your manager? He goes, he's the guy licking the hummus off his fingers because he dipped his fingers in the hummus. I told Evan Styberg went to a MTV meeting with me, and he was wearing the. He was wearing. He was wearing Rocky sweatshirt from Rocky 1 where he kept his hand in the tit hole pocket, and he. He hung a lug into a water cup put in the middle of the table. And he goes, let's talk Big J Okerson into the mtv. It didn't go great.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. Yeah, he's a good one for.

[Robert Kelly]

The Steinberg management. I'm so glad I let. I was involved in that for, like, a year and a half. Just if I can hear all these stories.

[Colin Quinn]

You did go. You went with him for a year.

[Robert Kelly]

I was with him, and then I told him I gave him an ultimate. I gave him a month. I go, you have a month to get me on Jimmy Fallon or I'm leaving. A month to that day. I called him up, and I met him at Starbucks ago. You're fired.

[Colin Quinn]

Patrice did me nice with the. He told me, convinced me to leave Ken Trusch, who was like an independent guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

I remember Kent Sh.

[Colin Quinn]

And he goes, leave Kent Sh. And go with the Steinberg. Steinberg's got everybody right now. It's the way to go. Like, they're kind of working for everybody. And so I did. And I mean, three months later, I think it was after Bill Burr fired them for Evan physically attacking Conan o' Brien at the Aspen Comedy Festival. You, like Put him up against the wall. They ask him why Bill hasn't paneled on the show yet.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Colin Quinn]

And then Bill. I think Bill fired him in the moment. And then. And then. Yeah, and then Patrice just fired him. And I was like, patrice, you told me to come over here. He's like, yeah, well, you know, leave, too. And I was like, but I have nowhere to go. Like, no one's looking for me. So I stayed.

[Jay Oakerson]

My first manager, I thought his name was Ken. It wasn't Ken. Truce was Ken something. And he would meet me. His office was. He'd meet me in the staircase in his building where he lived. A walk up, and we'd sit on the staircase in his building, and he'd talk to me. He wouldn't even let me in his apartment, which was a shitty staircase. We just sit there. I was like, this is show business.

[Robert Kelly]

Steinberg shared an office with another company that wasn't in the business.

[Colin Quinn]

I got caught up. I got caught up, though, in that at one point, you thought, you need. I didn't know what an agent. The difference between an agent and a manager was. And you'd hear the word manager a lot because there's a lot more of them. And they were like, you know, that's the thing. You needed a manager that's kind of coming from the black circuit, too, because they would be, like, managed by their cousin, right? Just like, I just managed, like, Keith. Yeah. The Comedy Express.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

But I wanted a manager, like, so bad. And like, in different times, when I was like, when did that second season of Z Rock? It was funny because, like, I didn't have a manager. I was like, I need one. And Kurt Metzgeral, people call me up, he goes, you know that guy that runs that Tuesday night show at this, you know, bar is pretty, like, ambitious kid, man. I think he's ready to do something like that. And so he was my manager, and he would show up every day. He's just a dude. He was not, like a suit guy. He would show up on set every day wearing a suit with a briefcase that had an apple and a piece of paper in it and a new, hot, young assistant. That was his assistant on set. He would just tell some girl, like, I can get you on a TV set for something. What a weird. And I gave this guy my career. I'm like, sure, take 18, probably. Of everything, of course.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, by the way, we'd all like to know about the first season of Xerox, since anybody in the business never heard of what you're talking about.

[Colin Quinn]

You're not wrong. I have to keep it out there in everyone's mind. Z Rock was a.

[Robert Kelly]

He really brings it up like it's Two and a Half Men.

[Colin Quinn]

Back when I was in a little show called Cheers. C Rock was a show. It was in the IFC channel. It was me. Patrice was in it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bring up the trailer.

[Colin Quinn]

Christine, help.

[Robert Kelly]

We gotta. We gotta go.

[Colin Quinn]

No. But he's gotta prove it's a thing now.

[Jay Oakerson]

We gotta go.

[Colin Quinn]

I don't care.

[Robert Kelly]

We have a fire.

[Colin Quinn]

Me. We're gonna show him the facilities.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Jeff Gollin did it.

[Colin Quinn]

That wasn't.

[Robert Kelly]

That wasn't Jeff Go. That was a fat guy that looked like Jeff Garland.

[Colin Quinn]

Gilbert Godfrey. Patrice.

[Robert Kelly]

Jeff Garland was doing Joan Rivers.

[Jay Oakerson]

Who's that band?

[Colin Quinn]

ZO2.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Pretty good.

[Robert Kelly]

There you go.

[Jay Oakerson]

They spent a few dollars on the show.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. Oh, look at that.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's Gilbert Godfrey.

[Colin Quinn]

Megastar. Gilbert Godfrey.

[Robert Kelly]

Gilbert Godfrey. That did anything.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no. Other planet. Kids parties.

[Robert Kelly]

Three guys.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, Patrice o'. Neill.

[Robert Kelly]

He's dead.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, I guess we don't care.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, it's Big J Okerson.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know how happy I am knowing that Patrice. The misery he felt on the set going into.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, Greg.

[Jay Oakerson]

Geraldo too. Oh, my God.

[Colin Quinn]

And Jim Norton was on it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, this is bad. I. I would have.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought you were joking. You were on it.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no.

[Colin Quinn]

There's an outside shot. You were on it.

[Robert Kelly]

Were you on it?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't think so, but.

[Colin Quinn]

You very well may have been on it.

[Robert Kelly]

It's no sister. Ping.

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, check it out.

[Colin Quinn]

Go to our plugs.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Go to Colin. Colin has a new series, Block by Block. I've seen a couple episodes of it. It really interesting and funny is Streaming now on YouTube.com Colin Quinn. And he has shows coming up in Westport, Connecticut, East Greenwich, Rhode Island. He's in Rhode Island. Catskills. Where are you? In the Catskills. That's where I am.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, now you're in the Catskills. I thought you were in Westchester.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm a little lower than the Catskills. New York. For tickets and all the tour days, please visit Colinfin.com he is the greatest. He's the legend. Not Rich Voss. He's the legend. Yeah, me and Jay would talk about that. We're taking that away.

[Colin Quinn]

Robert Kelly Live. No. What am I talking about?

[Robert Kelly]

Big J is going to be this weekend. BigJComedy.com. he's Pittsburgh.

[Colin Quinn]

Pittsburgh and Toronto this weekend.

[Robert Kelly]

We'll see you.

[Colin Quinn]

Catch you guys next week. Enjoy the pre record tomorrow. Go Corey Feldman did you know?

[Ad/Announcer]

39% of teen drivers admit to texting while driving. Even scarier, those who text are more likely to speed and run red lights. Shockingly, 94% know it's dangerous, but do it anyway. As a parent, you can't always be in the car, but you can stay connected to their safety with Greenlight Infinity's driving reports. Monitor their driving habits, see if they're using their phone, speeding and more. These reports provide real data for meaningful conversations about safety. Plus, with weekly updates, you can track their progress over time. Help keep your teens safe. Sign up for Greenlight [e-mail] podcast going up prices keep going up. These days it feels like being on an elevator that only goes up going up. But not at Metro. We're pushing the down button. Going down, we've lowered prices. Get one line of 5G dates up for $40, period. That's 20% lower and you get a free Samsung 5G phone when you bring your number. Only at Metro. Five year guarantee on eligible plans Exclusion supply. See website for details. Not available. Fab Metro with T Mobile in the past six months Tax supplies.