Bisuteki

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly – Episode "Bisuteki"

Release Date: December 24, 2024

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Bisuteki," hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly reconnect with their audience, diving deep into a variety of topics ranging from entertainment to personal anecdotes. Joined by friends and guests like Jacob and Christine, the duo maintains their signature blend of humor, candidness, and engaging banter. This summary encapsulates the key discussions, insights, and memorable moments from the episode.

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1. Reactions to the Yellowstone Season Finale

The episode kicks off with a heated discussion about the final season of the popular TV series Yellowstone. Both hosts express their disappointment with the finale, critiquing the storytelling and character developments.

• Robert Kelly shares his anticipation:
  "[02:12] And then me and Don live reverse lives. We spend our mornings together... I watched Landman on Mondays..."

• Big Jay Oakerson voices his frustration:
  "[03:03] It's an impossibility. And two, it sucked. No, finale blew."
  "[03:14] It was cheese dick. It was stupid and unsatisfying."

They debate the potential for a spin-off series, with Big Jay dismissing the likelihood of a satisfying continuation.

• Big Jay Oakerson:
  "[04:42] It is insanely unsatisfying, the ending... maybe they kind of did that, like, on a purpose..."

2. The Drone Over Jersey Conspiracy

Transitioning from entertainment, the conversation shifts to mysterious drone sightings over New Jersey. The hosts delve into conspiracy theories surrounding unidentified flying objects (UFOs) and government secrecy.

• Robert Kelly brings up reports:
  "[17:11] Why are you holding back on travel plans... you know what? I just turned on my Babel app..."

• Big Jay Oakerson introduces his own experience:
  "[21:00] They were calling them ships. I'd be more scared if I keep calling them drones."
  "[21:11] What were you wearing?"

They discuss the lack of official communication from authorities and the implications of such unexplained aerial activities.

• Robert Kelly:
  "[23:08] You can't fly huge drones without clearance... So it's definitely the government doing it. But why won't they tell us?"

The dialogue highlights their skepticism towards official statements and entertains various speculative scenarios, including potential alien invasions and covert government operations.

3. Personal Grooming and Lifestyle Choices

The hosts segue into personal topics, sharing stories about grooming habits, particularly focusing on nail care and eyebrow maintenance.

• Big Jay Oakerson humorously details his nail salon experience:
  "[34:00] They put this stuff on... Yeah, but they have to like. They soften it, I guess, first with that shit."
  "[35:11] Soak your nails in acetone to get the gel off."

• Robert Kelly jokes about the process:
  "[36:05] Do a lot of crying about that... Not. It doesn't hit me on tv, too."

Their light-hearted banter underscores the challenges and peculiarities of maintaining personal grooming standards, resonating with listeners who may share similar experiences.

4. Culinary Conversations: Bacon, Sausage, and Cookware

A substantial portion of the episode is dedicated to culinary preferences and kitchen equipment. The hosts debate the merits of various meats and discuss cookware sponsorships.

• Bacon Preferences:
  "[44:33] I've never. I don't. I've never thought a cheeseburger was better with bacon..."
  "[46:05] You need something."
  "[46:11] Bacon and eggs. Number one slot for bacon."

  They exchange strong opinions on bacon's role in different dishes, illustrating divergent tastes and sparking laughter.

• Cookware Debate:
  "[55:43] Hexclad is the best. Say no more."
  "[59:17] Jacob: It's bisuteki. Robert: We're gonna go to commercial break."

  The discussion covers brands like Hexclad and All-Clad, highlighting their experiences and preferences with high-end cookware. This segment not only entertains but also informs listeners about potential kitchen investments.

5. Humor and Improvisation

Throughout the episode, Big Jay and Robert engage in playful insults, improvisational jokes, and humorous imaginings, such as designing a "face stroller" for cleaning windows or creating unique knife handles. This dynamic fosters a lively and entertaining atmosphere, keeping listeners engaged.

• Imaginary Products:
  "[12:08] Robert Kelly: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.”
  "[16:06] Robert Kelly: Can I tell you why?..."
  "[40:35] Robert Kelly: Any thing."

  These segments showcase the hosts' creativity and ability to weave humor into everyday topics, enhancing the overall listening experience.

6. Listener Engagement and Guest Interactions

Guests like Jacob and Christine contribute their perspectives, adding depth and variety to the conversations. Their interactions with Big Jay and Robert provide a multifaceted view of the topics discussed, fostering a sense of community and inclusivity.

• Guest Contributions:
  "[57:10] Jacob: Is it Bisutekee?"
  "[54:05] Christine: I think it's French."

  These exchanges highlight the collaborative nature of the podcast, where multiple voices enhance the dialogue.

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Conclusion

In the episode "Bisuteki," Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly deliver a quintessential Bonfire experience, blending humor, insightful debates, and personal anecdotes. From dissecting the shortcomings of Yellowstone's finale to exploring drone conspiracies and debating culinary preferences, the hosts engage listeners with their candid and entertaining discourse. The episode exemplifies the show's commitment to providing a relaxing yet intellectually stimulating environment, inviting fans to join the conversation and share their opinions on the myriad topics presented.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Big Jay Oakerson on Yellowstone Finale:
   "[03:03] It's an impossibility. And two, it sucked. No, finale blew."

2. Robert Kelly on Personal Grooming:
   "[34:01] Yeah."

3. Big Jay Oakerson on Cookware:
   "[55:43] Hexclad is the best. Say no more."

4. Robert Kelly on Drones:
   "[23:08] You can't fly huge drones without clearance... So it's definitely the government doing it."

5. Big Jay Oakerson on Bacon Preferences:
   "[46:05] You need something."

6. Humorous Banter on Knife Handles:
   "[57:00] You know him well."

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This comprehensive summary aims to provide an insightful overview of the "Bisuteki" episode for those who haven't tuned in, capturing the essence of the conversations and the dynamic interplay between the hosts and their guests.

Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

Ooh. Are you ready to have your own high five moment? Well, well. Visit high five casino dot com. That's high. The number five casino dot com. No purchase necessary board were prohibited by law. Must be 21 years or older. Terms and conditions apply. And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

We're back. We're back. We're excited to see your face.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm excited to see all your faces.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm excited to see everybody's face but your face most of all, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

It's happened, by the way, Bob. People are making their own pivins out there.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Big J Okerson]

Somebody brought a piven. I signed a pivot. You signed me a pivot out in St. Louis.

[Robert Kelly]

Why don't we make pivot merch?

[Big J Okerson]

Cut him out completely.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, just cut him out.

[Big J Okerson]

Fucking love that.

[Robert Kelly]

Can we do that? Can we just change his name just by a little hair?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Piven. How does he spell it?

[Big J Okerson]

The Pivens.

[Robert Kelly]

You got to turn your mic on, Lou, if you want to hear it.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you watch. Did you watch Yellowstone Season Series finale?

[Robert Kelly]

I did not. Here's the thing. I told you, I watch it on Wednesdays.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I watched Landman on Mondays.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

I watched Lioness on Tuesdays.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

And then me and Don. Me and Don live reverse lives. We spend our mornings together. Most couples spend their evenings together. We spend our mornings together. Our mornings are our evenings. We have our little breakfast. We sit around, we watch our shows. So Wednesday we watch Yellowstone. So I just got your beautiful video you sent me. I can't wait to watch it over and over again and just CSI it. Yes. Landman was fantastic, but I have not seen it, so I would appreciate it if you don't, because this is now. This is the last episode, supposedly forever, but I heard they're bringing it back.

[Big J Okerson]

Are they bringing Yellowstone back? Because they've said already that Yellowstone.

[Robert Kelly]

I believe they're bringing Yellowstone back.

[Big J Okerson]

I heard that they're. There's a spin off show with Rip and the girl. It's gonna be a spin off.

[Robert Kelly]

I heard it's gonna be Yellowstone with Rip, the girl and everybody else.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you this. It's an impossibility. And two, it sucked. No, finale blew.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on. It blew to who you help.

[Big J Okerson]

It was. Who gives a.

[Christine]

There's one line that was, like, actually embarrassing. It was like. There's no way they.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, all of a sudden there was like, sitcom acting.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll be back.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you watch it?

[Robert Kelly]

About that.

[Big J Okerson]

Am I wrong about this? I agree. It was piss. It was like. But it was piss in the most. Like, the acting all of a sudden got like a. Like a play or something. It was so bad. These monologues and the. It was.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna say this.

[Big J Okerson]

It was cheese dick. It was stupid and unsatisfying.

[Robert Kelly]

We're different human beings.

[Big J Okerson]

We are.

[Robert Kelly]

I have a lot of empathy. You don't have empathy, huh?

[Christine]

You sociopath.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm just saying that I am a sympathetic crier. Like the last two episodes, I cried.

[Big J Okerson]

What parts?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, my God. At everything.

[Big J Okerson]

Just the idea that the show's ending.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean. No, I mean the part. I mean, not last episode. The episode before with the last episode with the kid. And I had gotten a family. Family, you know, then. What are you laughing at? What are you. What the. What the. This is why I don't open up on this goddamn show.

[Big J Okerson]

Jacob.

[Jacob]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

This show turned into a gay romance. It really went Brokeback Mountain by the end.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, it's got a.

[Big J Okerson]

Emotionally speaking, I'm okay.

[Robert Kelly]

And then with Beth and Rip and. And then. And then the. The house and the.

[Big J Okerson]

It is insanely unsatisfying, the ending. And maybe. Maybe they kind of did that, like, on a purpose in some kind of way. It's an unceremonious end of the show. You'd be like, this was a kind of a blah, transitional episode in the middle of the season.

[Robert Kelly]

Seemed like, well, maybe they're transitioning into the next show.

[Big J Okerson]

But here's the problem. Here's the problem with the. I haven't gone back to. I won't watch 1828. The Harrison Ford one.

[Robert Kelly]

They only made one.

[Christine]

No 1923.

[Big J Okerson]

1923.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't ever correct him like that. I mean, apparently, there was no face against the glass.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

You got your first pivot of the zone. Sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine had to do it. Bam.

[Big J Okerson]

Sometimes you gotta straighten Christine out on my behalf.

[Robert Kelly]

You're goddamn right.

[Big J Okerson]

You're good.

[Robert Kelly]

God damn right.

[Big J Okerson]

Whenever somebody else straightens Christine out on my behalf, that is. Let me tell you something. A bona fide. It's almost a guaranteed pivot.

[Robert Kelly]

It hurts to do, but I love it.

[Big J Okerson]

You'd love it.

[Robert Kelly]

It feels good.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Taylor. Well, Christine said this, too. Now that I know Taylor Sheridan's that guy now. He's. He crowbar himself a lot towards the end into. It seems like a bit of a jag.

[Robert Kelly]

I like the one where he. When he was. Last week's episode where she had to go out there and she did. He's like, watch out, he's gonna try to fuck you.

[Big J Okerson]

I know.

[Robert Kelly]

And then he tried to fuck her then. He didn't try to fuck her, though. Well, he tried to get her to do strip poker. And then she's like, fuck it, I'll do it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then he's like. He took a video of her taking her clothes off. I'm gonna send that to Rip. He'll laugh at that. I thought that was awesome.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't complain about the other episode. I said, this finale sucks shit.

[Robert Kelly]

So you like. The last two were good?

[Big J Okerson]

The two before. Two before, Absolutely. I wasn't not enjoying the season. I thought the season was actually pretty fun so far.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you think it was sad? Did you get emotional at all at the last two episodes? At any point.

[Big J Okerson]

What did you want me to get sad about? And I'll tell you. Let me see if I can remember. I get sad a lot during the week, so it's hard to remember what they're from.

[Robert Kelly]

I forgot you have empathy for your career. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I almost. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My life. Where my life is at.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

I. Yeah. Do a lot of crying about that. Not. It doesn't hit me on tv, too.

[Robert Kelly]

I forgot about that. Your tears are saved for more important things.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. Lonely hotels.

[Robert Kelly]

Some horseshit. Right?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Being by yourself. I get you. I thought the. When. Of course. When the father died and then with. When they had to tell. When they. When Beth found out when they're on the porch. I mean, it was all sad. To me. It was all sad. And Rip.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, getting fat. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, that made me cry. Just because I know where he's at, you know? What? I mean, I know what he went through. He got success. What happened was, on the off season, he's got money now, so he's enjoying these restaurants and all the free meals and. And then he just let himself go. And then he went back in, and nobody. All his friends were just looking at him and going, dude, you look great. And nobody said you got fat. They just went behind his back.

[Big J Okerson]

Fat rip.

[Robert Kelly]

Fat rip. Yeah. It's always sad, like, you guys let me get fat.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't let anything happen at all, whatsoever.

[Robert Kelly]

You guys let me get fat.

[Big J Okerson]

No, your contemporaries let you get fat.

[Robert Kelly]

That's true. You're right. They really did. They really did.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody was off ruining their own shit, though. Patrice was eating himself to death. Keith was drinking and eating himself to strokes.

[Robert Kelly]

My friend Norton was sucking himself to death.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Norton found himself so overly attracted to women that he had to try men.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Voss married a grumpy lesbian.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, we really did just throw it all away.

[Big J Okerson]

Voss and Bonnie sleep less romantically than Lucy and Desi. They aren't even separate beds in the same room. They're in different places in the house.

[Robert Kelly]

Voss sleeps like the kid on Yellowstone in the barn with the horses.

[Big J Okerson]

Me and Christine have no romance at all. But there's definitely. We're in the same bed, you guys.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, I'm in the same bed as dawn, but I'm kind of getting to the point. I got mad at her last night. I was having a hard time. We got a. We love coffee in our house. We love the morning Joe. So I'm like, why are we wasting time with this shitty regular coffee maker? Let's get.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, you mean Morning Joe? Morning coffee as an actual coffee coffee.

[Robert Kelly]

We love coffee.

[Big J Okerson]

I got you.

[Robert Kelly]

We love a good cup of coffee. And I was like, let's get a really good espresso maker. Let's get one that's for Christmas. Let's buy each other. That'll be our present.

[Big J Okerson]

Some. Holy shit.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's get a Breville. A Breville's, like, top of the line, makes the best cup of coffee. Espressos, leches. You can program it. I have.

[Big J Okerson]

Isn't about the beans more than the machine.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's about the machine and the beans. But the machine is the one you want to get.

[Big J Okerson]

Is that it?

[Robert Kelly]

No, that's not the one.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine, would you have any interest in this in your life?

[Robert Kelly]

I, I. Let me tell you something. I got it. I got. I got it.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine loves coffee, but she does. Does coffee like it's Coke. She gets it in her.

[Robert Kelly]

It makes, it makes. It's so good when you, when you make this cup of coffee on this machine that you, me and her made 10 cups of coffee last night to get it to exactly the way we like it. We just kept throwing them out. And then we found the. You can really tune it in to what you like. And then we found the cup. It's almost like chocolate the way it comes out. And we made coffee last night and we both were like satisfied almost sexually. And we. We made this coffee. But now I'm. I was up until five in the.

[Big J Okerson]

Morning too good of coffee.

[Robert Kelly]

It was so good. But I'm up and I finally went to sleep. I had to listen like Joe Rogan's podcast to fall asleep about something about space.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, who's talking to Dave?

[Robert Kelly]

I wasn't at that point. I was going to go to a.

[Big J Okerson]

Dave episode going deep politics.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, if that. I was going to Joy Joe Coy podcast going to be a Theo vond. It wasn't Defcon 5, but I finally fell asleep. And then she came up from Max's room. She slept. She fell asleep with him last night. Came up and woke me up. And I got violently angry because I just. I just went to sleep and she came in and flipped the covers over and the dog jumped in my face and I went. You woke me up. She was like, so. And I was like, I just spent like three hours trying to get to bed and you just woke me up. Just stay where you are. Stay.

[Big J Okerson]

Quit upsetting. And it's probably difficult for you because you just bought this house. You put a lot of money into it. You got it exactly how you wanted it. You probably don't want a bunch of cheek and nose grease on the windows, but it sounds like you haven't put her face on the glass yet.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I just wanna let you know I did just buy a new back door with. Cause the other glass, it had the little panes. I was like, this is not gonna be good tempered. I need a straight glass tempered so I can mush it and then slide it. I can push it and then slide it down.

[Big J Okerson]

But you'll never see that on the glass because it's got that texture to it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. But I keep face rags by the door now. There's like a little hook I have now.

[Big J Okerson]

I like to add that to Corey Holcomb. Always got to give the OG the credit for the original idea putting their face in the glass. But also when you remove their face from the glass While your hand is still on the back of their neck, they are required to then use glass cleaner to clean the glass.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Big J Okerson]

And we don't. You don't let go until they're done.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I actually was trying to invent an ear towel. So as you mush, it wipes.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, like a Swiffer.

[Robert Kelly]

Like a face Swiffer.

[Big J Okerson]

So you're putting their face in the glass while they're cleaning it. You know what? I think you gotta give them one directly on the glass. First a smudge, then pull her face away. The whole time she was holding some sort of a glass cleaner. Like a Windex, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And then when you pull the face away, she squirts. You put the paper towel and then mush her face again. And then she also becomes the cleaning rag.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Like a face against the glass and then a face cleaning the glass.

[Big J Okerson]

And then a face cleaning the glass. Yeah, it sends the message twice and it's a easy peasy, no muss, no fuss.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Japanese.

[Jacob]

You don't have an imprint. You didn't do your job.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you need to see.

[Jacob]

Satisfying seeing the imprint when you take the head away.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. I try to let her get a few breaths out. So you see the outline of her lips on the glass?

[Robert Kelly]

That's good. Yeah, that's a good move.

[Big J Okerson]

You let the breaths come out and kind of fog the glass up a little bit. Yeah, maybe See the outline?

[Robert Kelly]

I like to get a little tear going across. So almost looks like a piece of art.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that is nice mush art. You know what I mean? It's raining.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Like a little tear up at the top. So then you get the fog and then you get the tear and then you mush.

[Big J Okerson]

It's like the Michael Jackson logo. Remember? It was like him doing the two tippy toes, but it's like the. The lines sliding across. I like that.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you're right. I do need to.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine, why are you not looking up the Michael Jackson Moonwalker logo? Are you just dwelling on the idea that you're probably gonna be used to clean glass from now on? Although, I'll tell you what, if you come in my house and our windows are filthy, you know, Christine's been doing the right thing.

[Robert Kelly]

She'd been doing a good job.

[Big J Okerson]

She's been doing a good job. Sorry, guys. There it is. See right there.

[Robert Kelly]

That's very.

[Big J Okerson]

There's the slide.

[Robert Kelly]

That's the slide.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. So when I mush your face, Christine, I'm gonna go Moonwalker Shamo. And then I'm gonna slide you across the Moonwalker logo.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe we make a hat. Like a hat they can put on you. Mush slide. Look, put the hat on, smush again. It cleans it. Almost like a. One of those things called a little squeegee.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, I get what you're saying, because you're right, the paper towel might not drag. May not drag with the face.

[Robert Kelly]

Might not drag. It might leave a little mark.

[Big J Okerson]

And then you rub her face off of the. Then just creates more mess. You're right.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we gotta get on this.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, hang on. The hat. I wasn't loving the hat idea, but maybe a medium, like a build off of the hat idea. Like a. Like a headband almost.

[Robert Kelly]

How about a hood? Like a hood. Like a hat. You know how they have just the hoodie?

[Big J Okerson]

Of course.

[Robert Kelly]

Put the hoodie on. And on the side, one side, the mush side. I do the right side mush. I really keep the left side. So if people come over, I just have her stand on the left in case this side's a little mushy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Christine, which side? Your good side?

[Christine]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't know? I thought every girl thinks they have a good side.

[Christine]

I don't know which mine is. I can tell you myself here.

[Robert Kelly]

I can tell you. Nope. Yep.

[Jacob]

Yeah, Left.

[Robert Kelly]

Left side is a good side. Musher on the right.

[Big J Okerson]

So I mush on the right, mushroom on the right. But then you're fingerprints all over the left.

[Christine]

That's better than.

[Robert Kelly]

That's okay. Yeah. Okay, let's go away. We get a hood, put like a. On the front part, we put a little wet little squeegee thing in the middle. Cloth at the back, the squeegee.

[Big J Okerson]

Again, I'm sorry to deviate, but I have to say, Christine, you say I have no empathy, but I just felt every bit of Christine when you said, let's see which side? Your good side. And the first one she turned to, you already said, no. It's weird to say which one's bad until you see them both. So you just went, yeah, no, that way. Yes. Better.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I tell you why? She had no confidence on the first side, she went like this. And she kind of like. She kind of. And then when she went to the other side, she really smiled. She lit up. She.

[Big J Okerson]

She.

[Robert Kelly]

I think she was choosing that. Her confidence, really. You know, she went like this and then smiled.

[Big J Okerson]

Someone goes, how does my face look better? Like this. You go, no, not like that. I didn't do the other one yet. That was hilarious. I felt that every bit of that. Is this my good side? No. Is this? Yeah, I guess that's gonna be.

[Robert Kelly]

The other side's your good side. The left side. Let me. That side's your good side.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, the other side.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Big J Okerson]

I see myself on zoom. That's always like the. I look better if I'm like tilted.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, this is my good side on that side right there.

[Big J Okerson]

Turn the other way.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, this way.

[Big J Okerson]

That's your good side.

[Robert Kelly]

No, this is not my good side.

[Big J Okerson]

That is your good side. This not over here. It's the. It's the lighting too. Has a lot to do with it.

[Robert Kelly]

Hang on.

[Big J Okerson]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

No, watch this, watch this. Yeah. So we got the coffee maker. She woke me up. This coffee makers. You gotta get one when you get those.

[Christine]

Why are you drinking full blown coffee at night?

[Robert Kelly]

Because we. We just got it. We just got it yesterday.

[Christine]

Yourself. Decaf espresso.

[Robert Kelly]

We just got it yesterday. Okay, so we. We got. We went wild yesterday.

[Christine]

I mean, that's pretty crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, we were just sipping little. Nope, that's not it.

[Big J Okerson]

Why don't you go on the roof with one of your rifles and wait for the drones?

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, the drone.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you.

[Robert Kelly]

What happened with the drone thing? Did you hear what happened?

[Big J Okerson]

Did I hear what happened? I wrote a song about it.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, what's it called?

[Big J Okerson]

Drones over Jersey. Drones over Jersey Drones over Jersey.

[Robert Kelly]

Why is that not a hit right now?

[Big J Okerson]

It is. Well, because it's the first time we're first ever premiering it.

[Robert Kelly]

We have to put you dancing to that.

[Big J Okerson]

You got the full. The full ones, Lou. Drones over Jersey.

[Robert Kelly]

We need people.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you guys want my lyrics? The one that's all my lyrics. Don't pull you to hang out unless you pull the hangout Drones over Jersey don't pull your hang out unless you pull your hang out Drones over Jersey Here's a video. I love it.

[Robert Kelly]

We have to get people go, oh my God, look. Look up in the sky. And then they do. And then this cuts in with people just dancing Hammer style. You singing. And then it cuts to another one.

[Big J Okerson]

Drones over Jersey don't pull your thing out unless you pull your thing out.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, this very. So catchy.

[Jacob]

Dark with. They're saying.

[Robert Kelly]

They're saying that Lou actually sent the video too. Is that this drone expert thinks that.

[Big J Okerson]

They'Re looking for nukes.

[Robert Kelly]

They're looking for nukes. That's. They're doing it at night.

[Big J Okerson]

I did.

[Robert Kelly]

And they're not telling anybody. And they're. They have the thermovision that they had thermal vision that they can only use at night. And they're looking for a nuke.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. And I saw that on a very reputable news source, World Star Hip Hop Today. And he did very, very.

[Robert Kelly]

When do they. When do they lie?

[Big J Okerson]

Never, Never. Never to me. Never to this guy once.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, they're showing the facts before anybody shows the facts.

[Big J Okerson]

They are willing to say it while we're all thinking it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And that's what's beautiful about Worldstarhip. Shout out. Worldstar. Yeah. They said they're looking for nuclear things, but they can't be traced. They don't give off heat signals. Right. So they can't go get them. Other drones have gone up, but it doesn't show up on other drones footage because there's no heat coming off of them somehow.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. There's also another theory that I saw, and I. I didn't do the research on when this came out, but it was a guy who was saying the. The. You know, one of those things where the next thing they're going to do is tell people that there's an alien invasion which will get people to the world to unite together and start World War III or some shit, and it's all crazy shit. And this was supposed to be done years ago, before any of this stuff happened.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, yeah, it seems like this isn't a big deal because none of our major politicians are making a big deal.

[Robert Kelly]

Trump actually spoke about it.

[Big J Okerson]

What'd he say?

[Robert Kelly]

He said that they know what it is. They won't tell you. They should tell you. It's a government thing. They know what it is, but they won't tell you what's happening. And they should. And, you know, he said that they know what it is. They're not telling you. They should tell you. And he can't tell you because he's not the president yet.

[Big J Okerson]

He could tell us.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't think he can. I think if he does, he would get in trouble. I think it's, you know, some type of. Look, there's.

[Big J Okerson]

All of a sudden, Trump plays by the rules. Well, well, well. How fast we all fall in line.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, look, it's something.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, if you were curious what. What I was doing, trying to handle the situation is I was on my roof late last night with a Casio keyboard trying to speak to the drones.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I recorded a little bit of it. Hang on. I scored it, by the way.

[Robert Kelly]

Sounds like a flute.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I also scored it. I put a little music behind. This is just Me getting ready to talk to them. Uh huh. Hang on. I think they're talking to me.

[Robert Kelly]

What were you wearing?

[Big J Okerson]

Huh?

[Robert Kelly]

What were you wearing?

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby? Hang on. I'm speaking to them. This is them talking back.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that's them. Oh, what are they saying?

[Big J Okerson]

Hang on. Let me write something to them. Beep, boopy booping bong. Boop fe. Boop boop boop. They're reacting to Jacob's voice. Boop boop boop.

[Jacob]

I mean, they would attack if they heard that voice.

[Big J Okerson]

Boopy boop boop. It's going to be such a nothing burger when they find the story out. Sorry. I'm doing radio for young girls now. It's going to be a total nothing burger.

[Robert Kelly]

It's going to be. It's going to be trying to get it.

[Big J Okerson]

Trying to get some more girls involved into my comedy.

[Robert Kelly]

Trying to get that Jim and Sam audience to fly over in the afternoon.

[Big J Okerson]

Nothing burger.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen, it's something. It's crazy. All right, here's the thing.

[Big J Okerson]

They were calling them ships. I'd be more scared if I keep calling them drones. I'm like, someone's launching them.

[Jacob]

Not to have been said anything for weeks now. That's bizarre.

[Robert Kelly]

And it's. You can't. This guy who was saying it might be a nukes. They're looking for something. Yeah, he's an. He is. You cannot fly a drone over, I think a pound. A pound or something like that or a little over a pound without an. Without drones. Over fa. FAA clearance.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't. So for people to fly huge drones without clearance without the government knowing or FAA knowing is against the law. It's crazy. If one of those batteries dies and it will kill somebody. So it's definitely the government doing it. But why won't they tell us? What the fuck it is is creepy to me. Why won't they tell us?

[Big J Okerson]

Because they're voyeur cams. That's it. They're just out there trying to catch people whacking it for the Internet. You want it to be something so big so bad.

[Robert Kelly]

It is something big.

[Big J Okerson]

You want a reason for those guns in that tiny house so bad.

[Robert Kelly]

I already wanted one of my plan is already, in fact. You want to hear the plan?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I thought I was involved in it. You told me to come to you. Are we not involved anymore?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you're involved if you want to, but I'm not.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh no. Did I get kicked off the ARC for Nicky Norton?

[Robert Kelly]

You're not. You would if Nicki was like, let me come with you, Daddy.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby, I always wanted to try you too. I don't know why I made her Puerto Rican.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's hard.

[Big J Okerson]

Aye yai yai. Bobby's.

[Robert Kelly]

The plan is don't you get in the car, you grab the gun, you grab the silver and you go. Just go. Don't wait for me. Just go Vermont. Straight up through Vermont.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't go. Put Max. And put Max. Attach him on the top of a giant antenna hanging off the car while he's holding the guitar. Flamethrower. Mad Max, I'd love to see.

[Robert Kelly]

I told her to get my don too. I want that.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

I have a Dom DeLuise signed dollar bill.

[Big J Okerson]

I want that also that.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, and that.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, good. And a fishing rod.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. And when.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, that's pretty much it.

[Robert Kelly]

And my. Yeah, and my fishing rod. And a tourgasm poster.

[Big J Okerson]

I told Christine too. I go get the dog and get out of there. Grab my lumbar pillow, grab my. Grab my cups, grab my ointments and my salves.

[Robert Kelly]

Grab my Pepcid ac. I need a little Pepcid AC because I get gerd when I get nervous.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine says she hasn't seen one drone. And we live in a high up building.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but you guys don't look out the window.

[Big J Okerson]

She does look out the window all the time. Longing for a better life.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, because you have her face mushed against the window.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, she has no choice. Might as well look out there and wish for a better life while I'm mushing it. And while you're over here, clean us with your cheeks.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, they're not over Manhattan.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought they were over Manhattan now.

[Robert Kelly]

No, they were over in Upper Jersey. Westchester, I believe. Long island drones over.

[Christine]

A lot of these reels and stuff can be fake. But this was the thing about. You sent this about the UFO in New York City.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah. That was crazy. But I don't think that's real.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

Here's, you know, this is real. I don't know. I think that might be a plane. I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Really? You don't think everybody went to work today and just had a normal day after the spaceship shut a beam down over a building.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a ufo. Look at the babe.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at the beam.

[Christine]

Watching a documentary about a ufo.

[Big J Okerson]

I know, Look. UFO spot in New York. And then there's two emojis after it, which is the funniest thing. Like that's how seriously you would handle that? Yo, it's a ufo. Mind blown.

[Christine]

I mean spaceship, alien mind Blown. Mind blown. Mind blown.

[Robert Kelly]

There's. There's actually a video I sent too with some weird happening in clouds. Like explosions. We seen. Did you see that one?

[Big J Okerson]

Lightning.

[Robert Kelly]

It looked like explosions. Like little mini explosions. Now wasn't lightning. It was like little. Almost look like fireworks inside of a cloud. Okay, which is crazy. But look, I don't look it. I don't know. With AI and all the shit that people can do, the average asshole can do right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Everything you take in with your eyes, you take a complete full value. Because I'm gonna break your heart right now.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

There's no Jurassic Park.

[Robert Kelly]

What? You don't think they have. You don't think they can make a dinosaur? Right now?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think there is a made dinosaur much more a park. A full park of them.

[Robert Kelly]

They're making a dinosaur as we speak.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob, tell them.

[Jacob]

I. I think so. I think they have.

[Robert Kelly]

Not that confident, dude.

[Jacob]

Because I mean, they use whatever they don't have. Like they fill it in with frog DNA. Yeah, there's a right to fill in the missing gaps. The dino DNA is filled in with frog DNA.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, show me animation. There's an animation that explains everything. Simple animation.

[Jacob]

Simple animation that explains it all, guys.

[Big J Okerson]

There's a cartoon that explains the reality of this.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen, notice you went back to Barbie doll pink.

[Big J Okerson]

It's light pink.

[Robert Kelly]

It's light pink. And it's the. Dude, what's going on, bro?

[Big J Okerson]

What is going on, buddy?

[Robert Kelly]

Listen, I know the weekends are lonely. And I know you're on the road a lot. And I know you're alone on the road. And I know it gets tough. And I understand all that. I understand. But you call me. You call me and you talk to me man to man, and we can work this shit out. You don't need to go and become a woman.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't have anything in my life, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

Get a coffee maker. Learn how to make fine espresso drinks.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I'm trying to get into guys, make a bubble.

[Robert Kelly]

You're doing a good job.

[Big J Okerson]

So bored at home. I want to get in the guys.

[Robert Kelly]

I think, damn it, bro. You gotta stop with the fingernails. I look at, man. It's hard when I. You know, I'm a member of that cigar lounge. And it's all dude dudes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And they're like, what do you do? I'm like, I do the bonfire. What's the bonfire? Dude, it's a show. He's one of the funniest guys ever. Where can I watch it? I'm like, just listen. I don't want them watching you. I don't want to. I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Let me come.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

I can solve this problem.

[Robert Kelly]

You cannot come with fingernail polish.

[Big J Okerson]

Bring me to the cigar lounge.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll go around and I'll. I'm gonna go around and I'm gonna be. Do you remember the. Remember the dry hands fairy? I'm gonna be the lighter fairy, and I'm gonna just dance around the room and just light people's cigars for them and I'll prance around.

[Robert Kelly]

I. I can't.

[Jacob]

I want to be there for you.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't. I can't.

[Big J Okerson]

Why can't I. Why can't you just bring your friend Jay to prance around and light cigars?

[Robert Kelly]

I. I need. Listen, I would love for you to come up and hang out one night. They would love you.

[Big J Okerson]

Prance around.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want you to. There's no prancing at the cigar lounge.

[Big J Okerson]

Not yet.

[Robert Kelly]

No, there's none.

[Big J Okerson]

No, there hasn't been.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want you to turn into a fairy fest either.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what? Really judge that place up.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Some dance, some fairy spins.

[Robert Kelly]

Why are you going pink, brother? What's happening?

[Big J Okerson]

There is a method to this madness.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

I usually do white.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

But I have to put the red back in my hair this week. And when I wash that out, it makes the white turn pink, so I might as well just get them done pink.

[Robert Kelly]

No, that's not.

[Big J Okerson]

They were too long.

[Robert Kelly]

No. How about you don't get them done.

[Big J Okerson]

No, stop.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't get them done. Don't get your fingernails done.

[Big J Okerson]

How am I gonna catch a man?

[Robert Kelly]

You get your fingernails done more than my wife.

[Big J Okerson]

I have to be done up every two weeks.

[Robert Kelly]

That's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, she needs to step her shit up. Yo, dawn, get your nail game right.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, there's other things you can do.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

No point in shaving my dick hair. It doesn't look good if you do that. What else could I do?

[Robert Kelly]

Are you getting your beer a beard done?

[Big J Okerson]

Isaiah was sick today.

[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

Are you holding back on travel plans this holiday break because you're afraid of a language gap? Well, no need to mind the gap if you have Babel. I use Babel all the time. I just went to Cuba. It was so frustrating and not be able to ask for certain things. You know what? I just turned on my Babel app. All of a sudden I was speaking sentences saying good afternoon. I got to go in and say por favor queso which means please cheese. This app was amazing because it teaches you in a fun, relatable way that all of a sudden you just know words and they're in your lexicon. I'm learning Italian with my son. I put my whole family on Babbel right now with a quick 10 minute lesson handcrafted by over 200 language experts, Babbel gets you talking in a new language just three weeks and with the advanced speech recognition by Babbel, it's like having a personal language tutor in your pocket helping you pronunciate whenever you open your mouth. I got Babbel. I hopefully know Spanish and Italian by the end of the year and I already know a bunch of words. I know a couple swears too. Not on there. From the guy I met in Cuba. Here's a special holiday deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 60% off your babel subscription, but only for the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert kelly. [e-mail] Bonfire get up to 60% off babel.com Bonfire spelled B A B B E L.com Bonfire rules and restrictions may apply. Tiamo. Gracias.

[Jacob]

Oh, you were supposed to be today.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I do hail. I do eyebrows, hair, nails. Same day. They're right across street from each other.

[Robert Kelly]

You do the nails first and then go get your eyebrows and hair done.

[Big J Okerson]

No, Bobby, I go get my hair done first, if possible.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Then I will go over to the nail place and I walk in and they go. They go gel, manicure, eyebrow. And I go, yep. And then they go, oh, take off a first. And then they don't impression, by the way. And then I sit down and they take a couple whacks at the gel.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And then they put some kind of stuff on a cotton ball and wrap all my fingers in tin foil. Then I have to put my big hand into a glove with the tin foil covers and they do it on both hands. Then they bring me back to the eyebrow room. Then I lay there while the lady does my eyebrows.

[Robert Kelly]

What do you mean? She does your eyebrows with what?

[Big J Okerson]

Wax.

[Robert Kelly]

She waxes your eyebrows?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Jacob]

What is the foil on your fingers for?

[Big J Okerson]

They put this stuff on.

[Robert Kelly]

It's the gay in.

[Big J Okerson]

Heat escapes from your head and gay escapes from your fingertips.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

A lot of people don't know that.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, we do now.

[Big J Okerson]

A lot of people think all the gay and he goes out with the heat. Not true. Fun fact. Not true at all. It's some. Whatever is the remover.

[Christine]

Soak your nails in acetone to get the gel off.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Removal.

[Big J Okerson]

So. Yeah, but they have to like. They soften it, I guess, first with that shit. Then they do my eyebrows. And I am such a brave boy for that. I don't even sneeze anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Christine]

That's a big deal.

[Robert Kelly]

What? Not sneezing when you get your eyebrows done.

[Christine]

Oh, you sneeze when you thread, though.

[Robert Kelly]

What is threading? What do you mean? You thread?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that was when an Indian lady used to take string and they rip your eyebrow hairs out with string. It hurts so much.

[Robert Kelly]

You used to do this?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Why?

[Big J Okerson]

Because they said it was better for you than waxing. But I think it's all bullshit.

[Robert Kelly]

What is?

[Big J Okerson]

Just the same. This is threading? Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. What does they Go right. What is that?

[Big J Okerson]

It rips.

[Robert Kelly]

What? They rip it up by the roof?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, my God. That is so. Oh, my God. Why would you do that?

[Big J Okerson]

Because I have big fuzzy eyebrows. So I don't have big fuzzy eyebrows like a lunatic.

[Robert Kelly]

What will your eyebrows look like if you didn't get them waxed for, like, six months? Like Kurt Metzger?

[Big J Okerson]

They probably. No, Kurt shaves his eyebrows.

[Robert Kelly]

Would you look like the guy who shot the CEO of the insurance company?

[Big J Okerson]

No, I wish I. No, I would. They would be.

[Robert Kelly]

He shaves his eyebrows, Kurt.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Like, he shaves, like, above them. Like, he keeps them, like, at a certain size. I get them done. They would be thicker for sure. And I think probably still. You think I've been getting it done enough that it wouldn't be super thick in the middle, or would it be much thicker?

[Christine]

It's probably thinned out.

[Robert Kelly]

Why don't you go get them lasered? Go get your eyebrows in the middle. Lasered.

[Big J Okerson]

I got other things I want to laser first. I'm going to do my ears. Like you said.

[Robert Kelly]

Ears are the best thing I ever did.

[Big J Okerson]

They can't do nostrils, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they can laser, sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

What is it? What are you talking about?

[Big J Okerson]

What are you talking about? Why you say it? So not confident they could do it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, why not? Why would they not be able to do your nose?

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe you shouldn't get lasers up your nose.

[Robert Kelly]

I think you. I think you need nose hair for something. You need something.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, the high up stuff. Yeah, that was. It did feel weird when I got them waxed that one time. That hurt so much. And it was, you know, also the girl who was. Right before she yanked it out of my nose found out her dog was suspiciously murdered. I think you can get it for your nose. Yeah.

[Christine]

But it can hurt your mucous membrane, so you probably shouldn't.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my mucus membrane.

[Robert Kelly]

Just get the edges. Get the edge.

[Big J Okerson]

Nostril hairs I could just do with the little machine. It's fine.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Ear hairs I like to get rid of, though.

[Robert Kelly]

The hair thing was, I never forget.

[Big J Okerson]

My nose hairs long enough for it to be an issue. I don't think whether you see nose hairs coming out, do I?

[Robert Kelly]

And then I just use a lighter. You light the lighter and breathe in and it kills them all.

[Big J Okerson]

And then. But the ears, sometimes there's one like you do all the inside of the ear and then you find you have, like a loose hair on the outside of your ear. So now I'm doing the outside of my ears, too. And I hate it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Age, man.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, the ear thing was getting bad for me when I was trimming them with the trimmer, you heard, and that freaked me out.

[Big J Okerson]

How many? Yeah, I get. That's another.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. It sounded like I was doing my ball sack.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Something you're mowing a lawn? Yeah. How long have I needed treatments in the. Six. Six treatments.

[Robert Kelly]

Six treatments hurt. First two. Yeah. Because I never had anything lasered, so I didn't know what it was. So I was definitely a pussy. But she gives you, like, a tennis ball to squeeze.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I had a tennis ball, and then I brought Max in for, like, the third one. He was just laughing at me. I just wanted to look like a pussy in front of him, so I thought you.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought you squeezed him.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I put him between my legs, and I just squeezed.

[Big J Okerson]

Squeeze your Max if it hurts.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's not. It's go. But after the third one, it was pretty much done. And then I was just going back in and getting rogue ones. And she trims them. You know, she'll trim it. She. You need. And they. She can't do white ones, so you got to do it now before they go white.

[Big J Okerson]

They have to be black, or you can't laser them.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you need black hair. So you can only laser a black hair.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, so you got to go now before they turn gray.

[Big J Okerson]

Where'd I go? Will Dr. G do it?

[Robert Kelly]

No, he. He might have a laser in his apartment. In the closet.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, the guy just has lasers.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he does have lasers.

[Big J Okerson]

I might as well go over there when I get my. My cancer treatment out of his freezer.

[Robert Kelly]

Dr. G. Bill G?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Oh, I think my new eyes came in. I think Dr. G's got him behind his Eggos.

[Robert Kelly]

Why can't you just get. Why do you have to go. Why do you have to go fanook Pink?

[Big J Okerson]

I told you why.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but why can't you just go, like, a gray?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, the darker the color doesn't look good on my fingers. My fingers look fat then. But these make them look dainty.

[Robert Kelly]

You think pink made your fingers look.

[Big J Okerson]

It does. Look when you kiss this. If I presented that to you, it.

[Robert Kelly]

Just looks like a fat chick's finger.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't mean that.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't. You look gorgeous. Sorry. I just felt the pain.

[Big J Okerson]

I guess if these hands belong to a chick, that would be a pretty thick bitch.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm just.

[Robert Kelly]

Just worried that you're searching for something.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure. Aren't we all searching for Something, man.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, I got an espresso maker that's I don't need, and I was. I'm fucking zooted.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm looking for sexual companionship, and my fingers tell you from anybody.

[Robert Kelly]

Anything. Anything.

[Big J Okerson]

Bring it on, boys. Let's try.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't. I can't.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm kidding. Please don't hit on me on the road.

[Robert Kelly]

Please.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, you know what? Do. I'll take the compliment, but I'm gonna shoot you down. I might jack you off a little bit and then just go, this isn't for me. Nah, dude. I don't know. This is weird. I don't like it. I don't think. All right, give me a couple more seconds.

[Robert Kelly]

I went to this weekend. I had a bad fatso incident this weekend. Saturday night, I took. We took Max to Fogo de Chow. Love Fogo. They have one White Plains, one of the best Fogo de Chows. Just, you know, There's Platformer on 49th street, which is my favorite. But the Brazilian steakhouse, people don't know. You have a little card. It's green and red. They have a amazing buffet salad buffet with all kinds of extra stuff, you.

[Big J Okerson]

Know, charcuterie, and a very real Brazilian steakhouse. Place gives you, like, a post that's green and red. Yeah, the franchise places. He has a little piece of paper, really.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, the Platformer is from Brazil, and they give you a piece of paper.

[Big J Okerson]

That piece of paper, too. I know.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they give you. I mean, I went to the one in Brazil. In Brazil.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice touch, though, when you have the actual.

[Robert Kelly]

I like the card because I like to have them looking for it. You know what I mean? I want them staying focused on my table.

[Big J Okerson]

Fogo, the chow. What's the best meat they have there? Go on, Bobby, Sam, come on.

[Robert Kelly]

Wham.

[Big J Okerson]

Stop.

[Robert Kelly]

Look it. For me, it used to be the. The. The one that they, you know, they. That's on the photo. What's that called?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't even know what's on the photo. But I'll tell you what the best one is at every one of these Brazilian steakhouses.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't. If you say filet wrapped bacon.

[Big J Okerson]

Nope. Parmesan crusted pork.

[Robert Kelly]

You're so stupid.

[Big J Okerson]

It's the best thing they have there. Always. It's not Christina's even like pork.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not.

[Big J Okerson]

It's their best thing.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not always. It's not. I'll tell you what their best thing is. If you go on a Friday and Saturday they always have an extra, like a special going around.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And this week, one week I was there, they had a suckling pig flying around.

[Big J Okerson]

Ew.

[Robert Kelly]

Great.

[Big J Okerson]

Doesn't sound it so good. Looks terrible.

[Robert Kelly]

This week they had the poor calf.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, baby calf hearts.

[Robert Kelly]

My brain is so. I'm on so much coffee, my brain's humming right now. I can't think it was.

[Big J Okerson]

You sound like fluorescent light bulbs in your head.

[Robert Kelly]

It's called. What is the. The pork belly. Pork belly. So the guy you always go look for, the guy with the little plate, and I called him over and he was like, you want. Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you what I will do with. I can do without from these Brazilian steakhouses. Their fucking faces when you ask for a lean piece.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I'm sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not some fucking savage from some wacky island.

[Robert Kelly]

Because everybody wants the crusty lean piece on the outside.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And you gotta make sure you, you know, you're not near a big table. Cause if they go to that big table, they gotta go back and heat it back up.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, and while you heat that back up, why don't you throw me a few more pieces of that parmesan crusted pork thing?

[Robert Kelly]

I hate it.

[Big J Okerson]

What is it, Christine? Look at it. What's the parmesan crusted pork?

[Robert Kelly]

It's the ball. It's a. It's a little pork loin. Parmesan crusted. And they have the bacon wrapped fillet, which I hate, and then they have the chicken.

[Big J Okerson]

You hate the bacon wrap fillet.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't. I don't like meat on meat. I'm not a meat on meat.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, but I mean the bacons.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like a meat. I like bacon. I like filet. I don't like meat.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't like bacon wrapped scallops.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I don't like that. A bacon wrapped water chestnut, I'll kill you for.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely. Actually, I'll tell you something right now. Oh, this is not going to be popular. This is going to get people really angry. It's a realization. You have to have a realization sometimes in your life. And I'll say this outside of loose on a plate with breakfast, I don't care for bacon.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

I've never. I don't. I've never thought a cheeseburger was better with bacon. I've never thought anything I've ever had. Bacon is a part of a blt. Sure, that's fine. I get the blt.

[Robert Kelly]

Wouldn't be a sample.

[Big J Okerson]

Right. It's just an lt, which by the way, I could also do a mayo and lt. I could probably do. Dude, I get a good enough tomato. Nice tomato.

[Robert Kelly]

I could do an lt, but a BLT is good. BLT with. With. You ever do it? A belt?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Bacon, egg. Dude, belts of the. It's a Canadian thing.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, anything up there?

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, a BLT with a fried egg. Oh, come on.

[Big J Okerson]

They don't even celebrate our Thanksgiving. That place is stupid. Canada's dumb as they have a Thanksgiving.

[Robert Kelly]

It's just not ours.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it's just the wrong one. It's their independence from a place where they still want to be a part of. We give thanks and I'll be a part of. We love you, queen.

[Robert Kelly]

I think they did whip our ass once.

[Big J Okerson]

Oof, look at that. Parmesan crusted pork.

[Robert Kelly]

The parmesan. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like a parmesan crust.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, but what I was saying about the bacon thing. Bacon. Even on a turkey club. I pull the bacon off and just eat the bacon and then I eat the turkey. I don't think bacon adds almost anything to anything.

[Christine]

That's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, it is crazy, but I. I'm gonna say I. I understand it.

[Big J Okerson]

I like the taste of bacon.

[Robert Kelly]

I like bacon on a.

[Big J Okerson]

If you.

[Robert Kelly]

My favorite thing is bacon and eggs. Bacon on the side. Love it. I mean, that's where bacon should be.

[Big J Okerson]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

Bacon and eggs.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Number one slot for bacon. I do like a bacon chicken salad, a little cheese, a little mayo, maybe a little lettuce with some bacon in it to give it a little salt, little.

[Big J Okerson]

If I'm throwing bacon on before I throw bacon on any breakfast sandwich on anyone, I'm going sausage.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm agreeing with you. Sausage, egg and cheese. Way before bacon.

[Big J Okerson]

Way before bacon sausage.

[Robert Kelly]

What kind of sausage, though? You talking the patty.

[Big J Okerson]

Take a circle patty. I'll take some links.

[Robert Kelly]

Now you want a link. You want the fat links? You like the fat links or you like the little thin links?

[Big J Okerson]

Anyone's.

[Robert Kelly]

The fat links to me are the ones.

[Big J Okerson]

Other ones, I could do all of them. Here's another thing. Love sausage like a sausage sandwich. Love dinner. Sausage with Italian food. Do not care at all for sausage on pizza.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what? I'm going to say something.

[Big J Okerson]

If it's crumbly, I'll do it more than. But sliced sausage on pizza, do not care for it one bit.

[Robert Kelly]

Slice it should be pepperoni, but it's the ones that curl up and then keep the little cup of juice. The regular Flat pepperoni. Fuck off. I don't know where they. When they went from the pepperoni that heats up and becomes a little oil bowl.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And they started to go to flat pepperoni. That does nothing. Just this limp pepperoni.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck off, limp dick pepperoni motherfucker.

[Robert Kelly]

A pepperoni slice of sausage that's pretending to be pepperoni. I agree. But you crumble sausage onto a pizza with a little onion. I'm in. Sausage and onion pizza I love. But it has to be crumbled.

[Jacob]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

It's time and place.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Because here's the thing. When you.

[Big J Okerson]

I've also had bacon on pizza be very good when it's crumbled up bacon.

[Robert Kelly]

But real bacon.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like. I don't. I don't like strips of bacon and I don't really like bacon on pizza. I don't like it.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't. I've had it so few times in my life. But there was a place when I was younger, we used to do it once in a while. Cause it was crumbled up and it did.

[Robert Kelly]

I will take a little bacon on a Caesar. You wanna. You wanna crumble a little bacon on a Caesar? I will take that.

[Big J Okerson]

I grew up on a wedge. I grew up my. I. I hate to ever disparage my mom's name in any way because people will judge this, but I grew up in a bacon bits house.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

This is why you have problems with bacon.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude. I don't have problems with bacon at all. But I did go up in a bacon bits house and bacon bits. He did it. Thank you, my mom. I remember liking bacon bits very much and pouring more bacon bits on when there wasn't enough bacon bits in my very ranchy salad. But I will say, in hindsight, my smell memory makes me think it smelled like dog food.

[Robert Kelly]

It's dog food.

[Big J Okerson]

It's dog food.

[Robert Kelly]

I think it's 100% dog food.

[Big J Okerson]

What are bacon bits?

[Robert Kelly]

They're not bacon.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't say that. You don't know that for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not.

[Big J Okerson]

It probably couldn't be their shelf.

[Robert Kelly]

They have to add their vegan. They're not shelf stable, buddy. It's not bacon.

[Big J Okerson]

It can't be.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not baking.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't put bacon. You have to throw bacon out.

[Big J Okerson]

You can't put it on a shelf. That's what I'm saying. I agree.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a hundred percent.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, McCormick makes it though. So it's fine. McCormick wouldn't do you wrong.

[Robert Kelly]

What is it?

[Big J Okerson]

What's in it? Texturized soy flour.

[Robert Kelly]

There you go.

[Big J Okerson]

Canola oil. Salt. Nice. Caramel color. Okay. Yeast extract. Nice natural and artificial flavor. Okay. FD and C. Red 40. Is that the cancer one, I hope?

[Robert Kelly]

Yep.

[Big J Okerson]

Disodium inosinate and guanylate. Ooh, flavor enhancer.

[Robert Kelly]

Isn't guanut batshit?

[Big J Okerson]

Christine, not only buy me a can of these, buy stocking bacon bits. I'll tell you what, this show alone is gonna start a resurgence in bacon pieces. Don't shake your head. Black Lou, get behind ideas.

[Robert Kelly]

No, black Lou, don't get behind this.

[Big J Okerson]

Black Lou, stop telling me the ways we can't do it and tell me the ways we possibly can do it now. They have bacon bits with real bacon. And it just tastes so much better than the bacon bits that are not real bacon. What, do you gotta keep them in the refrigerator like a mama chooch? Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

So it's just bacon chopped up. Chopped up bacon. I don't mind a chopped up bacon on a salad with ranch.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't like chopped, let me tell you. Also, I don't like being at the mercy of someone else's decision of how my bacon should be crispy or downright raw. There was a deli that used to be biased in the East Village that we just knew they made a decent sandwich. Decent, not great. But we steer clear of the bacon on anything because it was borderline raw. It was like chewy, stretchy bacon. It's just our deli by us now, doesn't do bacon very good. It's like. It's like. It's like drippy. I like bacon to be crispy. Or it could be that oily, greasy, horrible, drippy. But it's gotta be cooked.

[Robert Kelly]

I like it crispy, but chewy. I like the fat part to be a little chewy, but the end part, the meat part to be a little crispy.

[Big J Okerson]

My favorite way. All judgments here I feel coming. My favorite way to make bacon. Microwave. Best way what? Best way to make bacon is in the microwave. Paper towels on top, paper towels on the bottom.

[Robert Kelly]

That is such a city thing to say.

[Big J Okerson]

What is it?

[Robert Kelly]

That's a city thing. I live in a hotel room thing. When you get a house, you're gonna make bacon in a pan.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what you get? You know what I did? I got a griddle. I got a griddle at the tiny house.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, well, slow down here, because the griddle thing, you put it over the burners, right?

[Robert Kelly]

It's a griddle, like a diner.

[Big J Okerson]

Bert Kreischer puts those things on that. Something's burning a bunch. And he did it on his outside grill, too. You put it on your barbecue.

[Robert Kelly]

I have. No, I have. I have a griddle. I didn't. In the tiny house, I. I did not get a grill. I got a griddle.

[Big J Okerson]

You get an electric stove.

[Robert Kelly]

I got a griddle. It's a. It's a griddle. It's a Blackstone griddle. I probably would get one for the new house instead of the grill, because the griddle. You can cook. You can cook steaks. You can put chicken. You can do stir fries. You can do bishuteki. You can do.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, you can do indoor. Your house?

[Robert Kelly]

No, outside. It's outside.

[Big J Okerson]

Outside you have a. Oh, got you. Gotcha.

[Robert Kelly]

Inside.

[Jacob]

What was that last one?

[Big J Okerson]

No, but can't you put looks. If you could put a griddle attachment.

[Jacob]

What is that?

[Robert Kelly]

Bishu tacky.

[Jacob]

You don't know what bishu like chicken?

[Robert Kelly]

Bishu tacky. Everybody knows what Bishu tacky.

[Big J Okerson]

Bishuteki. You dumb.

[Robert Kelly]

Jesus, such a bump. Is he gonna say it eight times? Bishuteki. Bishuteki. BishuTeki.

[Big J Okerson]

Jacob, you're in the hole. One pivot.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. How's that?

[Big J Okerson]

Bishu pivot, you fucking idiot.

[Robert Kelly]

He knows what a bishuteki is. Doesn't everybody know what bishu taki is?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, none of us.

[Christine]

That's like a made up word.

[Robert Kelly]

Bishutake.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine, is there a griddle attachment? Yeah.

[Christine]

Yes, I think so.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, they. The Japanese guys, they. But they're really Korean and they. They chop up the steak on the thing.

[Christine]

Is that hibachi?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, hibachi. Bishuteki.

[Christine]

Everybody says bishuteki. Everybody says hibachi.

[Robert Kelly]

First of all.

[Big J Okerson]

Are you trying to say Benihanas?

[Robert Kelly]

How dare you?

[Jacob]

No, I haven't explained what it is. I still don't know what it is.

[Big J Okerson]

Bishop Techy.

[Robert Kelly]

We have.

[Big J Okerson]

I can't. We're gonna go to commercial break. I'm gonna scream at you if you don't understand.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he just does enough because he's grew up on a horse.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna lose my. In this room if you don't get your head of your ass. Be. Shoot. Techie. B I S H u.

[Robert Kelly]

He's getting annoying.

[Big J Okerson]

T T E K I probably.

[Robert Kelly]

I keep getting offered gay sex because your fingernails.

[Big J Okerson]

I keep wanting to buy Chris, I want to buy Christine blowjobs. Shut up.

[Robert Kelly]

Walking your dog.

[Big J Okerson]

No, There you go, right there.

[Robert Kelly]

Bishuteki.

[Big J Okerson]

I was gonna buy Christine they have like a. I keep seeing the commercials.

[Robert Kelly]

Hang on one second. Christine, what does it say?

[Christine]

It says biju techi.

[Robert Kelly]

So there you go.

[Christine]

So I'm just saying that's not the common term. It's the hibachi.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me ask you a question.

[Christine]

Very common.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me ask you a question. Did you type in biju techi? And what came up?

[Christine]

I mean, you see what I typed in?

[Robert Kelly]

I just want to ask you a question. Did bishuteki. When you type it in, did it come up?

[Christine]

Yes.

[Jacob]

Is it food or is it a grill? I don't even know what. Huh?

[Robert Kelly]

It's spelled Bishuteki.

[Jacob]

Is it Bisutekee?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's B I S U T.

[Big J Okerson]

E, K E. Go ahead and get a little.

[Jacob]

Hit the translation.

[Big J Okerson]

Translate. A little button that tells us how to say that, please.

[Robert Kelly]

It means. It means go look it up.

[Big J Okerson]

Say pronunciation.

[Christine]

Oh, sorry, I thought you saw it on the screen.

[Robert Kelly]

B, shoe techie. There you go.

[Big J Okerson]

There we go. Well, that says Bourbon Biscuit.

[Robert Kelly]

Nope.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not even a real word.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's a word. Of course it is. Japanese.

[Big J Okerson]

Here we go.

[Robert Kelly]

Right there.

[Big J Okerson]

Here it is. Well, you're putting Italian on it now for some reason.

[Christine]

I think it's French.

[Jacob]

It's bisuteki.

[Robert Kelly]

You're bisuteki.

[Big J Okerson]

You are bisuteki. Now that I think about it, he's.

[Robert Kelly]

Not saying it right.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't want to be fooled. I. I have no faith in the advertisements of Facebook and everything and Instagram, but they're telling me, and I'm about to pull the trigger on getting Christine a 700 piece hexclad set. Are those good?

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Jacob]

At all?

[Big J Okerson]

Why?

[Jacob]

Every fucking egg. My parents got suckered into it and everything sticks.

[Robert Kelly]

I gotta. I got. I just got a hexclad and they're not that great.

[Jacob]

You do have to season it.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, well, they're a sponsor, so you have to say they're fantastic.

[Robert Kelly]

I think they're fantastic. And the two I got, I finally did get that Tom had and repackaged and put my name on the box.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

But no, I. I love them. I think they're fantastic.

[Christine]

We have one that you got, like from a gig, and I haven't used it yet, but I like All Clad. Not Hex Clad.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

It's in a different shape.

[Big J Okerson]

Do they sell sets? All Clad?

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah, but I think you kind of want to pick and piece.

[Jacob]

All Clad's the top of the line. Well, yeah, but you wanna.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine, I don't want to get you anyway. Then forget it. Who cares?

[Robert Kelly]

You gotta be careful on Facebook, dude. I bought.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. They should. They keep showing me knives where they're like. They throw a tomato up in the air and like, this kitchen knife, like, slices back and forth eight times, and then it falls in like a deck of cards. And I'm like, well, I should get those. Really? Only 15? How's that possible?

[Robert Kelly]

You gotta get Cutco. Get Cutco. Cutco is.

[Big J Okerson]

Say no more.

[Robert Kelly]

The best. Say no more fan of the show sent me a Cutco.

[Big J Okerson]

I know him very, very well. Best I shouldn't say very, very well because I always blank on his name, but we know it. It's fucking. No. I'm gonna remember it without him.

[Robert Kelly]

You know him well.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not.

[Jacob]

I told you.

[Big J Okerson]

It's the sharpest something. His screen name.

[Jacob]

Can I suggest Eric?

[Big J Okerson]

Eric, right. Boom.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Eric.

[Big J Okerson]

Eric's given us several Cutco knives. And I was thinking about just hitting him up and being like, hey, can you put us together like a. What do you call it? Like a Decker block?

[Robert Kelly]

I got one.

[Big J Okerson]

Puts together a block.

[Robert Kelly]

I got one at the San Janeiro's feast. We walked up, they had the cutcoat thing, and she's been trying to get them for years. And I was. I go. She's like, I don't know. Because they're a little expensive.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

More than a rig. I go, we have. I. You know what I hate? When you go in the draw and there's like three different. Three knives like this, and then a knife like that, everything's different. You go, I hate it.

[Big J Okerson]

Like we're children. Like we're children's knife.

[Jacob]

A paring knife and a serrated. That's it.

[Robert Kelly]

You need a bread knife, too. Bread knife. I got. I got. I got the bread knife to the bread knife also.

[Big J Okerson]

Bread knife.

[Robert Kelly]

And you got to get the butter knife that we have that cuts the cheek. That's.

[Big J Okerson]

We have that. And it's got a Legion of Skanks logo on it.

[Robert Kelly]

It's the best.

[Jacob]

Can I make a suggestion? Yeah, Jay. When you want. When you move. We have knife makers that listen to the show. I got in Canada, listens to our show. Black maple knives will make you one gorgeous.

[Big J Okerson]

What kind of knife you mean?

[Jacob]

Chef knife? Any knife you want.

[Big J Okerson]

I think you mean, like a murderous knife.

[Robert Kelly]

Can you make a knife that teaches you how to cook well?

[Jacob]

You want a good chef knife?

[Big J Okerson]

Can you make me a. Can you make me a thigh harness knife, please, with maybe a hoof handle?

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

Do they have pink handles. Can you get a pink handle set?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it doesn't matter what color. It's gonna be brown when it comes out of my asshole. Put it in whatever color you want, my friend. Okay, we'll take a break.

[Jacob]

Knife.

[Big J Okerson]

Ooh.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, there you go. That matches your fingernails. Oh, it does.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God, that'd be so nice.

[Jacob]

He wants to make a knife for you.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Good. I can butter my vegan muffins with that.

[Robert Kelly]

You have to get a pink handled knife.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll get a pink handle knife. My chef's knife. Pink. Christine, don't use it. I think Christina showed me the suggestion of her set. Why is the all clad $1,000 less than the Hexclad?

[Christine]

It looks like they're the same price.

[Big J Okerson]

Not what I was.

[Jacob]

All clad is light years ahead of Hexclad.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I don't know what that means. I don't think light years. Oh, I have pan can be light years.

[Big J Okerson]

We have room in a thing. Yeah. Hexclad sucks. You said it, by the way.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I did not. I love my Hexclad.

[Big J Okerson]

I think you said it right. You have two, and all they're good for is helping you cheer for nurses when pandemics happen.

[Robert Kelly]

Used. I used them today. I used them today to what?

[Big J Okerson]

Clunked on in the back of the head for messing up something?

[Robert Kelly]

No, she could.

[Big J Okerson]

She's gonna learn Hexclad. We'll be right back, everybody. It's the bonfire.

[Robert Kelly]

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