Biting Cheeks at the Nashville Comedy Fest

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly Episode: Biting Cheeks at the Nashville Comedy Fest
Release Date: April 18, 2025

---

Introduction

In the episode titled "Biting Cheeks at the Nashville Comedy Fest," hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly dive into the lively atmosphere of the Nashville Comedy Festival. Recorded live from the SiriusXM studios in Nashville, the episode captures the duo's trademark blunt humor and candid conversations, peppered with interactions involving regular co-host Christine and festival attendees.

---

Festival Adventures and Anecdotes

Exploring the Festival Scene

Big Jay and Bobby share their experiences navigating the bustling Nashville Comedy Fest. They discuss the diverse lineup, including notable comedians like El King, Yakov Smirnoff, and Jared Freed. The hosts reminisce about past performances, referencing Yakov Smirnoff's appearance on "Night Court," which sparks a playful debate between them.

Notable Quote:

• Big Jay Oakerson [01:30]: "We have story wars happening all week, and the lineups are getting all over the place. They're fun because it's so wacky."

---

Interactions with Festival Guests

Engaging with the Audience

The hosts attempt to interact with festival attendees, humorously attempting to bring audience members onto the show. Their playful banter with Christine sets the tone for the evening, blending improvisational comedy with light-hearted teasing.

Bobby's Encounter at Edley's: Bobby recounts a humorous and somewhat messy experience at Edley's, a popular barbecue spot in Nashville. After indulging in too much food, Bobby describes his unfortunate encounter with a porta potty, leading to a series of comedic mishaps.

Notable Quote:

• Bobby Kelly [06:15]: "Bobby ran into a porta potty and shoved his face in the bowl to puke for five minutes straight."

Christine's Brief Appearance: Christine joins the conversation intermittently, adding her own flair to the interactions. Her exchanges with Bobby about personal topics and her role as a restaurant manager provide additional layers to the episode's dynamic.

---

Comedic Skits and Improv

Bringing in Festival Attendees

A significant portion of the episode features an improvised skit where Bobby and Big Jay engage with festival attendees to simulate a comedic interaction. They create characters on the spot, leading to humorous dialogues that showcase their quick wit and improvisational skills.

Notable Quote:

• Big Jay Oakerson [22:35]: "Deja is black. Bobby is in a heavily committed, very sexless marriage. Enter Bobby."

Audience Participation: The skit involves playful questioning and banter about personal relationships, preferences, and humorous exaggerations, reflecting the hosts' ability to entertain both live and remote audiences effectively.

---

Reflections on Comedy and Interpersonal Dynamics

Analyzing Interactions

Throughout the episode, Big Jay and Bobby reflect on their interactions with others, often highlighting the absurdities and comedic potential in everyday situations. Their candid discussions about personal experiences, such as Bobby's mishap at Edley's and their attempts to engage with festival-goers, provide insightful and entertaining content.

Notable Quote:

• Big Jay Oakerson [28:29]: "She really came over like this. He's gay."

---

Closing Remarks and Upcoming Shows

Wrapping Up the Festival Experience

As the episode draws to a close, Big Jay and Bobby share information about their upcoming performances and encourage listeners to attend future shows. They maintain their engaging and humorous rapport, leaving the audience with a sense of anticipation for what’s to come.

Notable Quote:

• Bobby Kelly [40:40]: "Tomorrow night, 7:00, I'm at Zany's, and then we're doing Story Wars. Make sure to come out and see my show."

---

Conclusion

"Biting Cheeks at the Nashville Comedy Fest" encapsulates the vibrant and unfiltered essence of The Bonfire. Through a blend of personal anecdotes, audience interactions, and improvised comedy, Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly deliver an episode that is both entertaining and reflective. The dynamic interplay between the hosts and their guests underscores the show's ability to connect with listeners, offering a humorous take on life’s unpredictable moments.

---

Note: This summary omits advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections to focus solely on the core discussions and interactions from the episode.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

It's starting to sound like spring, but.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It'S not official till you've lit up.

[Bobby Kelly]

The grill with Kingsford Original Charcoal. This time of year, as we break in the backyard with friends and family, everything tastes better cooked with authentic wood fired barbecue flavor. Thanks to Kingsford welcome spring. Visit kingsford.com for charcoal and more from America's grilling expert.

[Christine]

Catch the spring and bloom event at Whole Foods Market with savings for Easter, casual gatherings and more. Save on no antibiotics ever. Meet best of season spring produce brunch favorites, sweets and more through April 22nd.

[Bobby Kelly]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly live from the Sirius XM studios in Nashville.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. This is Jelly Roll. Who also didn't want to come in.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. Stephen Wilson Jr. Was going to come in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it's something. He had a family thing. But he did say he would love to, but he couldn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. What else are you going to say when you can't? That's great. Oh, man, I would have done anything I could to be there if it wasn't for this one thing. It happens to be. Yeah, yeah. Guestless SiriusXM faction talk 103. No one lives in Nashville who wants to play with us at this time of day.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we have a lot of friends here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We do. Well, listen, we've been scurrying around hard at this festival. We have story wars happening all week and I mean the lineups are getting all over the place. I mean they're fun because it's so wacky. But a little preview tonight we have El King, Yakov Smoff and Jared Freed.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think we're gonna all gonna know Yakov stories like Judge Harry used to make me laugh with. Blah, blah, blah. That's gonna be Yakov Smirnoff for sure. Did you not remember he was on Night Court?

[Bobby Kelly]

He's on Night Court. Yeah, I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I feel like you didn't know when I first said it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I said it. I laughed. You azo. What do you want to do?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

High five. You. You did this. You went how? Jacob turned his microphone off and sat back.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was my. That was my left. It looks like Jacob has tits when he leans in like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn, Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Doesn't it Lean in. No, no, no. Lean in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Must be so tough. You got fat tits.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You got Florida tits, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sick. Florida tits, dude. Yeah. Those are guy who owns a boat who rents it out for swingers parties. Tits. I do not have tits.

[Bobby Kelly]

You were saying in the break that your Other dog is losing. Is losing their. Losing its eyes, too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, she's blind in one eye.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the are you doing? What are you feeding your dogs, man?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's your dog's name? Curly. You just keep bunking it with the fingers in the eyes. Get over here, Curly Dun. I'm trying to train her to put her paw up between her eyes. She'll get it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why is your dog. Why? What's going on with all the dogs losing eyes in your household? I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's related. Like PETA. The. The little. The little one. She's 16 now, and she's just had a cataract in one eye, so she has a milky eye. Yuck. I liked it. Yeah, it's gross.

[Bobby Kelly]

If Christine had a milky eye, would you stay with her?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

That'd be kind of hot. Just one milky eye.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A girl who's super into Wiccan shit with a milky eye is going to age well for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe she.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'll sit there. I'll buy her a cauldron for the backyard to constantly stir.

[Bobby Kelly]

Put her out front on Halloween. Now they have a house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought she was out of the room. And then her laugh just came through the crowd, right through that couple.

[Bobby Kelly]

We. So we. We had an idea, me and Jay, that we have you guys here. Right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. And who needs fancy celebrity guests?

[Bobby Kelly]

We don't know fancy celebrity guests. We're going to pick one of you to be our guest on the show, but we're going to have to audition.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, this is Tornado Alley. I thought that was like a fucking weather thing coming. I'm like, are we all going to die? It was a drum roll.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was a drum roll. What do you think it was, your stomach?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought it was the God coming to take us all home. I'll be honest with you. So I thought it was. I just started rumbling.

[Bobby Kelly]

So we're going to pick one of you guys. So whoever would like to do it, you can raise your hand, and then we're going to interview you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nobody's going to raise their hand. You have to aggressively force people to talk into a microphone in a world like this, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, can we try it? Ready? Maybe you're wrong. Who would like to be the guest on the show? All right, not her. Listen, we'll just pick no kid. Mom, I'm. It's a comedy show. I'm joking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But now, don't you want to only ask that lady question? She tried to sandbag her friend. She didn't want to Talk. Who are you pointing at? But I. No, I mean, but what's the relation to you? Oh, you're just trying to. She's actually my manager at work.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, where do you work?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We work at Edley's.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's. What's Edley's? The best barbecue in Nashville. Oh, is it? Guys? Okay, don't they say that at every barbecue place?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, they must, because no one here agreed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who thinks Edley's is the best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yikes. Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is a hot. You from the community that loves barbecue.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nobody has been to the bonfire. They also love the bonfire in Nashville, Mama. I would love Edley's. I don't fucking know. It's just these people. Have you been to Edley's? Wow. Holy God. I mean, people are mad. Yeah. They went, yeah, I've been there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What happened?

[Bobby Kelly]

I left a Yelp review. It stinks. Why? I think I would love to try it. I would love. How far is it, Bobby?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know, dude. We. Bobby, we went to Hattie B's today, and then Bobby ate Nashville chicken. And then.

[Bobby Kelly]

Please don't tell them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then we went outside, and Bobby goes, I ate too much. I'm going to dump. I think I'm going to dump. And I go, well, wait, because I go, you mean again, like, shit. He was like. He goes, no, dude, dump. Because. And we know this. If you listen to the show, Bobby, that's what they call when you eat too much. With the surgery, you dump by throwing up. But I do have to keep reminding him also. I go, it does also mean take a shit, Bobby. And he goes, dude, don't make me laugh. And I go, I hope you dump both ways, but show me, like, show them. I go, like Darth Maul's fucking lightsaber. Just both sides. And then Bobby ran into a porta potty and shoved his face in the bowl to fucking yak for five minutes straight. And in between pukes, he goes, I hate you.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was so bad. There was a pair of dirty underwear.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I puked. The original puke was from him going. And then the second and third puke was from what I was looking at.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was just looking at a great description, though. Darth Maul's double sided lightsaber just puking coming at the same time.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn, it made me laugh. He went. And it was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then Bobby threw up like a drunkard in a parking lot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ate too much because Lewis ordered. We just ordered too much food. I ordered what he got. I should have ordered My little. I should have done what you did. You did the right thing. You got, like, the good chicken.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Three chicken tenders and two sides.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I ordered nothing crazy. Bobby Got one black, three chicken tenders.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got one black sides.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Then you got dark meat. You don't you call it black meat?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think you're supposed to. I think I fucked up. I think that was me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A black, two whites.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got one black. I got a small black.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, give me a black and two whites. I'm trying to keep the property value up.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was dark.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sorry, Black Lou.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sorry, DJ Lou. He also likes dark meat. And how does he like it? Black.

[Bobby Kelly]

So the barbecue is. It's a good place.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, no, clearly not, Bobby. Well, I. Oh, you're asking them. I'm sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would like to try it. I would have to be the judge of it because they. They're spoiled with barbecue. You have so many barbecue places that they're looking at me like, fuck off now. So are you the boss, Mama? I'm a boss. You're the boss? Is it a boss? So, okay, wow. Stop talking to me like you're my boss.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, Bobby, she's not the boss. It's a woman.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's true. We're still in Nashville. God bless America. Side boss.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, Bobby, I. Oh, now Christine's going to chime in. Let us have fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

Microaggression. And you like the.

[Christine]

I don't care about any of that where I'm pulling a Jacob. You threw up in a port. Like, why would you not just throw up in the bushes like, you went into a portal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bushes?

[Bobby Kelly]

Why would I go to the bushes when there was an outdoor toilet five feet away from me?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Unfortunately for Bobby, that doesn't flush no porta potty.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't think of that. Your dumb boyfriend throwing up in shit. Almost husband fucking made me laugh. Turn and throw up on the street. No, because I was in front of the restaurant window. People were still eating chicken fat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bald guy going, christine, it was that funny?

[Bobby Kelly]

It was pretty funny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She can't understand.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, it was stuck up here. I was like, please, I got to just get it down. I got to let it go down. And he started doing silly shit. And I was like, stop. I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna dump.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can't turn it off.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he just did that thing, and it made me throw up. So.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I laughed and laughed, but.

[Bobby Kelly]

He still had to, like, move to the porta potty, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I ran to it. He never Even closed the door. He was standing outside of it. Projectile vomiting, I guess, hoping he got it in the hole.

[Christine]

That's actually better.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Bobby goes. And then he goes, oh, dude, you gotta see it. And I went, I'm okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, because it did look pretty cool the way it. Anyways, it looked like art.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, shit puke art next to a pair of underwear.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think they were sheath men's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. They weren't panties.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That would have been hotter.

[Bobby Kelly]

That would have been sexy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What does Christine mean, pulling a Jacob? What did you mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, going back to a topic that.

[Christine]

We'Re already over with.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jesus. Pulling a Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that a thing?

[Bobby Kelly]

Like a constant?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, one time. I did that today. No, behind your back. We say it all the time. You do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We have a thread without you where.

[Bobby Kelly]

We can talk about what Jacob wants to talk about. It's called Jacob likes guys thread.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn. Then Christine walked away. For those girls, she was over that story.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's like, no, won't you.

[Christine]

I just want to take my drink.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

I just want to sip on my drink, hear her little witch heels.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So what do you think?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, those two girls sound like. I don't know. There's probably not a lot of fun stories from the old barbecue place. They probably think they have good stories.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How about the guy with the sunglasses on and the crazy beard? I mean, he's done, so that guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you mean. Probably somebody famous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you mean famous? Like in body cam footage?

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, can I ask a question? Do you have the sunglasses on because you like Jacob's dog?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are your eyes sewn shut or are you a sovereign citizen?

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you blind?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. No, I can't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you can make it up here by yourself.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you feel like you have to adhere to the laws of the United States government? No. Okay. I like that. I like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really. Do you believe we're all equal?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. Of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I don't want him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How dare he even women.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm kidding. I kind of like him. What do you want to do?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He is good. I can't believe two single ladies came to the show. That's what's weird.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a lot of single women. No, there were women all that went to the bathroom. There was three women that went to go pee pees. Am I right, guys? Well, to you, but to me, I get to call them what I want because that's the way life works.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're.

[Bobby Kelly]

They them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Way to gender label those guys. Hey, dude, I'm sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, get a haircut. You.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cut your hair.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that two guys stand up. Is that looks like Dan Soder and you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It doesn't not look like Dan.

[Bobby Kelly]

Soda looks like the first Bonfire episode.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you drew a cartoon of us. I'm trying to think why you thought they were girls.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought. Not him. Soft face. I thought he was a girl. He has a little pretty face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that what you meant?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's got a little cute little face. I'll bite your cheeks right now. Come up here. Let me bite your cheek. Come on up here. I want to bite your little cheek.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You froze him in fear. He's not. He's like, what? I'm not gonna do that. Come up here.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to bite cheek. Come on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Katie. Are these all 800 pounds gorilla people?

[Bobby Kelly]

You have to give me permission to bite your cheek. Yeah, you can bite my cheek. Am I out of line? Was I. I was that close.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's adorable. I want one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I feel like that's how the girl said Louis CK could jerk off on them. Yeah. Yeah, you can, I guess.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just want to bite this little ball right here. It's so adorable. Can I bite it? Come on. No teeth. No teeth. All right, go sit down. Thank you for coming up. I love that he was gonna let me bite his cheek. What a. What an awesome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was like a boy scout play about molesting.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, a lot like kept going back, you know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want to bite it. Let me bite it. He goes, I don't know. I think my parents are coming soon.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a durable sir.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They all work free. That's all the 800 pound gorilla crew.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, well, who else do we got? We got this. That's a man. Look at that dude. He's been. Is that your wife you're with? Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You hit her.

[Bobby Kelly]

You still hit her once.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice. She learned the lesson immediately.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, she hit me first. It was really cat. It was self defense. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you guys both go to jail and then have crazy makeup sex?

[Bobby Kelly]

Not at all. We were both very drunk and there's a reaction. Were you guys camping in someone's backyard when it happened? No. No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I gotta be honest, this took a weird turn because I. The whole thing for me was a joke. Assuming that you'd never hit her. He's like, one time, but she hit me first, so it's a. Okay. And by the way, she's like square biz. I believe the courts down here call it the case of evens. Versus Stevens.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you? I'm not gonna lie to you. What's up? I'm not gonna lie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you should. You should lie to every radio show.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should. Yeah, we were eating dinner. Some friends of ours were sitting across from us. You had a restaurant.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You hit her?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, at home. I mean, that's manly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You were eating dinner. So it was too cold. Right. You got to strain her out, you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Know I said pass the potatoes. You know, she smacked me in the back of the head and. Oh no. Well. And I. I didn't mean to yours a reaction. Yeah, you thought you didn't know it was her. I didn't know what was happening know you didn't know it was her. Somebody smacked you the back head. You just did Kung fu. It's inside of you now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The headbutt that made that shattered her nose. That was to send the message. The first one was an accident. But you got to send the message after that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can't leave it, Mark.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Goddamn right.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What did the other awkward couple sitting with you do?

[Bobby Kelly]

He said. Oh, and. And that was it. Just kind of looked down and. But he secretly high fived you in the bathroom later. Good for you, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

After he hit you should just started blowing him in the restaura, freak everybody out. This is our kink cat.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's pretty wild. You hit her?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, no one saw that coming.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why did you whack him in the back of the head? Why would you do that?

[Christine]

I don't remember.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow, that's weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was very. Let's see if we strike gold with everybody. Serge, you ever rape a stepdaughter? Go once, but she raped me first.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now who's this guy next to you? David, I think. Are you by yourself, David? I am, yeah. So you're sitting next to an abusive man? Apparently. Well, I told him I have a one year old at home. And I told them that if you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Guys would do a baby crawl race.

[Bobby Kelly]

That we'd be perfect. But they said Jay didn't want to do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What the fuck are we talking about?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't even know what you. What are you saying?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Say that again. I might.

[Bobby Kelly]

So my wife stayed home with our one year old and I told them we could have her come in and do a crawl race.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But they said you wouldn't do it against a baby.

[Bobby Kelly]

It'd be close.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I baby see? She can see two eyes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, good. Both of them visual. Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's more than we can say about Jacob's dogs. Two dogs. One eye. What a depressing thing to go to Florida. I'm gonna see my dying dogs and play drums and sleep with puppets. Sounds like a strange fucking existence. Are you with this couple here? Miss, you're by yourself. Also, you're.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait a minute. Stop. We had a solo hottie.

[Christine]

Thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You are such an old creep. Dude, I love it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey. Hey. What's up?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I started. I took a thousand pictures of Bobby last night chatting up two broads. Dude, it was great. You were in your element.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, you saw you videotaping me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I tell you can do my impression of what Bobby was doing talking to these girls. He's going.

[Bobby Kelly]

That'S not what I was doing. That's not what I was doing. That's not what.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm leading them by their elbows. All you girls are crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's such. That's not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine. The best things in life come when you don't settle. That's why switching to Metro is a great choice. Because at Metro, you don't just get great deals. You get even more of what you love. You shouldn't have to put up with the yada yada you find with other carriers. Things like hidden fees, contracts and underwhelming deals. That's why at Metro, you can get great deals on 5G devices from top brands like Samsung. With no contracts, no credit checks, no exploding bills and nada. Yada yada. That's wireless without the gotcha. With more 5G phones to choose from and incredible deals, you'll never feel like you're accepting less than what you deserve. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store and learn about their amazing deals. Go to metrobyt mobile.com stores to find a location near you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Imagine being out at the lake, having a fantastic day. The grill's on, the family's there, the dogs barking. It's beautiful. But guess what? Now imagine you smell. You got body odor that stinks. Well, Dove Men plus Care Whole Body Do Helps keep your BO from ruining the good days. From pits to privates to feet, you can feel confident with 72 hour protection in all your odor zones. Dove Men Whole Body Dio goes on instantly dry with an aluminum free vitamin E infused formula. With whole body freshness and care. Dove Men plus Care Whole Body do get everywhere. Everywhere. Care. Even down there. Find it on Amazon or at Target today. Auto insurance can all seem the same until it comes time to use it. So don't get stuck paying more for less coverage. Switch to USA Auto Insurance and you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Could start saving money in no time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Get a quote Today, restrictions apply. Hey, let me ask you a question. Do you plan your vacation location based on local language? With babbel, language no longer has to be that barrier that keeps you in places that maybe you don't want to go because you've been there before. It expands your Horizons. Babbel's quick 10 minute lessons, handcrafted by over 200 language experts gets you to begin speaking your new language in just three weeks or whatever pace you want to choose. Babel's tips and tools are inspired by the real life stuff you actually need when communicating. I love Babel. It's right on my phone. It has reminders that pop up because sometimes I forget. So before I go to bed, I'll throw my babble on and I'll take my little lesson and before you know it, I am going to be speaking Spanish and I will move down to Cuba and smoke cigars and be on the beach and leave everybody in my family. You got to try Babel. Let's get more you talking in a new language. Swahili. You want swahili? I got swahili. Naku penda. That means I love you, baby. What about this? Busu uso wanga. That means kiss my face. Let's get more of you talking in a new language. Babbel is gifting our listeners 60% off [e-mail] Bonfire. Get up to 60% [e-mail] BonFire. Spelled B A B B E L.com Bonfire Babel.com Bonfire rules and restrictions may apply.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine. F you, Christine. That's not what I was doing. I'll show you what I was doing. Can you come up here, ma'am? I'll show you what I was doing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Show me on the stranger.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, what's happening? Wow, that hurt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow, that was crazy because. Hey, let's do a play right now. Hey, what's up? What's going on, girl?

[Christine]

I thought we were gonna like. Okay, let's start. And you just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll say action.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm old school, from the 80s. That's what we used to do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, wait, no, Bobby, you need one more. We need. We need one more girl to show what you're doing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Get that. Come up here, dude. Yeah, come on.

[Christine]

Come on up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You play your cards right, you might not get your face bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, don't block her. You block. Come over here. Stand right there. Right. No, right here. Stand right here. Stand right. You're not in the talent side, are you? Come over here. What is he on the web. What do you do at 800 pound? I do marketing for. There you go. Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's your name again, man? Evan.

[Bobby Kelly]

And give them a little backstory. Give them a little backstory for the characters.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, Deja, it turns out, is black. I guess. I had no idea. So Bobby is a long, long term, heavily committed, very sexless marriage. He's just coursing with hormones and an unfulfilled bonus.

[Bobby Kelly]

I said give them a backstory, not my shitty backstory, you asshole. I'm like, who's he talking about? Me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys are two dumb sluts hanging outside of Zany's at night.

[Bobby Kelly]

From Canada.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

From Canada. And they are here and they are ready to party. Enter Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, what's up?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's happening?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How you doing?

[Christine]

Great, how are you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Where are you from?

[Christine]

Atlanta.

[Bobby Kelly]

Atlanta?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. You're supposed to be from Vancouver.

[Christine]

Oh, fuck. That's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

So weird. Atlanta, Ontario.

[Christine]

Good save, good save.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the just happened to your head? All right, Atlanta. That's hot. What's your name? Oh, pass.

[Christine]

Not got it in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I gotta be honest with you, I. I always call improv gay, but it must be harder than you think.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's your name?

[Christine]

Deja.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, Deja.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

With a D. Yeah. That's hot.

[Christine]

Thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's real, Bobby. By this point in the conversation last night, you had both girls in low back holds. You were walking around like Fonzie and the Pinky Girls or whatever you. Come on, come on, come on, come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

So stop. Why don't you back off? I'm the alpha male. You're not Deja. She wants to fight me, dude. I'm not into this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like Deja's attitude. Give me that dick.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's like, too much. She's too much like Dawn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's playing a character, Bobby. She's immersed. She's like, what are you guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

You here for the fest?

[Christine]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

We just watched you on stage, actually. That's cool. You think I'm funny, huh? You like me?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What the hell?

[Bobby Kelly]

She's me up because she's hot, dude. I haven't talked to a hot chick in a long time. What's up with you last night, you piece of. I'm just gonna.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that guy's not hot.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, I'll talk to you later. You're too much to deal with. I'm just gonna bang her. I can't do it, dude. She's got too much confidence.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Watch. This is what Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like no name.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is what Bobby did. This is Bobby did. They were around people. So Bobby did a real moving, like, talking to Mike when I started going, no, I wasn't talking. You're just kind of pulling them over to your thing. And then when they were telling you, hey, so where you guys from? Dudes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Who's that? Who's that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was huge.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that how I talk?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, it was dead on. Watch. Move your mouth. You know what, dude?

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait a minute. Try that again. What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, dude, you want to come back to my place and do some dude stuff? Dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was pretty wild.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So Bobby would just. He would ask questions. He goes, so where you girls from, huh?

[Christine]

Ontario.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Canada's crazy. Dudes, dude, have done a lot of crazy stuff up there. You're probably the hottest girls ever, eh? And then I started taking pictures of you and Bobby. Act like paparazzi was coming at me. Started doing like this, and tried to slap my fucking camera away. Deja. Where is that name possibly from?

[Christine]

My parents wanted something unique.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've heard it before.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Vu.

[Christine]

Deja vu.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was a joke, stupid. Let the old man get it. He loved it, right, dad?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God damn, he really did.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's buckled over right now. Let me get.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I apologize. I'll be honest with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If he brings that much joy to just one person, dude, you should say it again. He was buckled over when I looked over.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, say your name again.

[Christine]

Deja.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I've heard that before.

[Christine]

Well, okay, so what's funny is. So I work in a restaurant and.

[Bobby Kelly]

It'S like that shitty barbecue place. Is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because that place sucks.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it's great. That's them, not us. We're coming tonight. What's the name of it again? No, forget it. She's a. She really is the manager. You gotta go get it. We're joking. You gotta go to that barbecue. Eden's. Eden's. How you said it. Oh, you're easy to trick and lays. Go there.

[Christine]

No, I work in a restaurant, so every time I go to greet our guests, I have to, like, get the dumb deja vu joke out first so that they can't get it out before me.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you can change your name.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you do? Do you walk up twice, they say, hey, can I get you started with some drinks? Hey, can you guys start with some drinks?

[Bobby Kelly]

Table for two, Table for two.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have you ever hooked up with a guy from work?

[Christine]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

You ever hook up with a comedian?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you took a pause on that, who was it? Matt Rife. Who'd you. Who Was it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that's lesbian sex. No, it's hot. You ever mush with Matt Rife? I just saw him in person. The security guard had to stop me from French kissing him.

[Christine]

No, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

You think Matt Rife is hot?

[Christine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you think Matt Rife is hot?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, you do.

[Christine]

I'm a tight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, you do. You know you had to do to get him to sign with 800 pound gorilla.

[Bobby Kelly]

You had to curl that hair up. You have straight hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Got turned up by some bufu.

[Bobby Kelly]

What nationality are you? I'm South American. South American? Yeah. Oh. Oh, cool. I'm. I'm on du lingo for 119 days.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're from Ecuador. Do you know you're two feet too tall?

[Bobby Kelly]

So half of me is from Ecuador. So I guess that makes sense. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Chick. Hello. What happened?

[Bobby Kelly]

What happened?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He turned me off. Son of a bitch. Do you feel I was getting ready to say the N word? I felt it too. I don't even know why. It was just. I was right there. I didn't do it, Jim.

[Bobby Kelly]

I made a mistake last night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't tell people now.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, Whatever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bring that up. Oh, I did something I should not have done last night. There's gonna be some pretty angry parents out there. Anyway, we'll skip it. Anyway, Dej, are you single?

[Christine]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Christine]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you got problems?

[Christine]

No, no. You should not be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Signal has teeth. You don't like cowboy hats?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Oh, I'm from Atlanta.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't like big penises?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You like a small microphone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't like black guys with gold teeth? Still.

[Bobby Kelly]

You like fat guys.

[Christine]

The dating pool is so bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like guys with big dick pussies.

[Christine]

Nope. No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What you just said.

[Christine]

Words further elaborate on that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me ask you a question.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you like dick puts ass eggs?

[Bobby Kelly]

Why is it. Why do you not have a boyfriend? That's nuts to me.

[Christine]

I mean, I had one for four years. It was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did he hit you? One time?

[Christine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, good, good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where are you from again?

[Christine]

Atlanta.

[Bobby Kelly]

Atlanta. And you, you worked at what type of restaurant?

[Christine]

It's like a. More like elevated fine dining restaurant.

[Bobby Kelly]

Elevated.

[Christine]

It's like. Like Ocador pinchos, Spanish tapas.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You ever at work?

[Christine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You've never ever once?

[Christine]

No, I can't. I'm like. I'm at home. I can't. Bathroom anxiety.

[Bobby Kelly]

You ever have to at work?

[Christine]

No, because I do all in the morning and then I don't have to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just wake up and. In the morning?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

How about you? You ever at 800 pound gorilla Absolutely. Love you. Love you. I love you so much. I'm not even deja.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you ever worry in the morning that your pile isn't large enough to consider it the day's duke.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I have that same problem.

[Christine]

Are you like a morning as well?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me and you would be a great Speed date on 3. Where do you ship best? Home. Home. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now, do you wipe with baby wipes or just toilet paper?

[Christine]

No, Baby wipes are so bad for your skin.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. You just use dry toilet paper.

[Christine]

Yeah. Baby wipes are bad for your skin.

[Bobby Kelly]

I get it. I heard you. But you have shit in your ass right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, if you use Kirkland brand from Costco, they're. They're much less harsh on your asshole.

[Christine]

Are they much.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had the same thing. The Continental is a little. Chemically. It makes my O ring hurt.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you just barely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you're single, you said, right?

[Christine]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

When was your last boyfriend?

[Christine]

This was three and a half years ago.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Japanese guy?

[Christine]

White guy?

[Bobby Kelly]

What's wrong with you?

[Christine]

There's nothing wrong with me.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's something wrong.

[Christine]

Okay. I work a lot. Like, I. I'm a GM of a restaurant, so I work a lot like gm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like her.

[Christine]

Oh, I don't know. She just said she was a. Like a boss.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's a manager. She's one of the GMs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you think's wrong with her, Bobby?

[Bobby Kelly]

I did something wrong. Maybe her labia is too big.

[Christine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's possible.

[Christine]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Does it come out and go?

[Christine]

No. No.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got something to show you. I hope you don't mind.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. When you take your underwear off, do your pussy lips come down like. Like swastika flags? And I have a. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Does it. Does it sound. Does it sound. When you have to put them back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In, do you fold them up like a flag?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you have to. You have to fold them like. Like a soldier's death. Yeah.

[Christine]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's got to be something wrong with you. You got a hemorrhoid?

[Christine]

No, it's by choice. I said I work a lot, so, like, I'm. I'm in.

[Bobby Kelly]

So there's no physical something underneath this that you. A wooden leg? No, you got Not. Not the. Everything is perfect.

[Christine]

I mean, you have defined perfect. I mean, I'm just. There's nothing. I'm just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How do you feel about Florida? You want to fuck my friend while two blind dogs and dolls watch?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You into that? You do it so bad into a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Short king, by the way. Just by the nature. Of where the thing set up. Jacob, just. You know, it looks like you're just staring at her ass. You piece of shit. It looks like you are staring at her asshole.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now you don't you have a special someone in your life? I don't. You don't. You guys are both single. Yeah. No, I'm single. You guys should hook up tonight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why are you setting him up? For the hurt and pain. Failure. You know you're being a dick right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? That maybe they find love. I. I think he's adorable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Love his hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gorgeous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

Probably would eat a coochie like a beaver.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I bet he's got it in him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's good. Look at him. He's fucking good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, do you think the top tier of pussy eating is beaver? Like beaver known for teeth. The opposite of what you use for eating pussy.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't know what chicks like nowadays. Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I must not.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. You're into vampire Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like a cigar. Do you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you like women too?

[Christine]

I'm not opposed, but it's.

[Bobby Kelly]

You've been with women?

[Christine]

No, I'm not opposed to it, but it's not like my thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

You wouldn't do it.

[Christine]

Not opposed.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not opposed. So you come back. Like you go back to somewhere with a guy, had his girlfriend, and you'd screw around. Like with a guy and a girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Would you.

[Bobby Kelly]

With another friend in another room, watching in the corner.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Would you rather try?

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Any girl.

[Christine]

Asking, would you rather try.

[Bobby Kelly]

Put me up that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Would you rather try any girl or just Bobby?

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, that's mean. That's mean. She doesn't want to. I'm not your type. I'm not your type.

[Christine]

You're not.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're. Jay's your type. You like guys with little fingernail.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're the same type.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're not. Are you gay? Dude, you. We are not the same type. You. Look at your head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I have hair.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're wearing mittens. You have a scarf. It's the summer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. We're not the same. I'm a different dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're like in the same thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we're the same thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're the same thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. We should just take him back to the absolute.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The three of us. Three way gay. And Christine was the other one. Christine Beck. Are you guys tenderizing pork chops in there? Thigh slaps. Everyone's got gained weight and lost weight, so we have a lot of flap noises going on in there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everybody has some type of weight surgery that they Just got. So we order a lot of food, but we can't eat it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh. You ever three guys with a lot of rub marks on their body?

[Christine]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

You ever have to hold up a guy's stomach to find his penis?

[Christine]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Why are you a nurse?

[Bobby Kelly]

You're into. You're into chubby dudes? No.

[Christine]

I mean, I've been with all different types of guys, but.

[Bobby Kelly]

You've been with a guy that had a big stomach?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Asian guy?

[Christine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Indian?

[Christine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black?

[Christine]

White?

[Bobby Kelly]

White.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just white. You said all kinds of guys. Just white?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. He thought you asked. She thought you were asking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm saying generally. You said you've been with all kinds of different guys?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Asian?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

You been with an Asian guy?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shut up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Christine]

Where?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you could cheat off his class? Free violin lessons. I got a few more to take a dive in the math Olympics to. I'll come back.

[Christine]

Just no one.

[Bobby Kelly]

You went out with an Asian guy?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

What kind of Asian?

[Christine]

He was like mixed white and Asian. What kind of Asian?

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't know? You didn't ask?

[Christine]

No, I forget.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really? You forget?

[Christine]

Yeah, but it was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which direction did his P hole go?

[Bobby Kelly]

Sideways or north or south?

[Christine]

I don't remember.

[Bobby Kelly]

North or South? He's Korean. Sideways. He's Japanese.

[Christine]

High school? I don't remember.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a fact.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't remember the dickholes you saw in high school? Wow. What a slut.

[Bobby Kelly]

You ever been with an Asian? I haven't, no. No. Well, what. What are your. Your Spanish? You go white. I've only ever been with white guys and a black guy. That's it? Yeah. I mean, the. The gay dating pool is smaller here. Really? Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just thought he was gay this second.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, I was wondering when I should mention it, so, buddy. First of all, he's the only dummy that didn't pick. I've been hitting, by the way, this guy 20 minutes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This guy's been butt by black dick. Jacob. He's the toughest guy on the crew. Jacob. God damn. Do you know where black gay wieners have to go? Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know the way you feel when your bidet is really up there? If this guy bidets, you're not going to know it's hitting base till it comes out of his mouth. I assume he's been hollowed out. Is that how gay sex works?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why didn't go to college?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm going to throw up again. I'm going to dump again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Darth Maul thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

They call it hollowing out. What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The hollowing out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you in a relationship now? No, I'm not. Okay, buddy. Well, we're gonna get you one tonight. What do you think, dude?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, does it feel worse knowing that a gay guy didn't want you to bite his face?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not true. He'd let me. He would love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He didn't want it at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

Me and you would have a good time together.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Probably.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, we'd never be able to have sex.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like to watch the two of you pass an orange to each other with your necks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who would be if I was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If I was. If I was a millionaire, that's what I would do. I would pay you guys to come over and do that while I watch. I wouldn't even whack off. I'll just sit in boxers like this in an open robe. Go on, boys, play who.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go on, boys, play for me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who would be the top and who would be the bottom in our relationship? I mean, I'm pretty much straightforwardly a bottom. So it would stay that way. You goddamn right it would.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you'll be fine tomorrow.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's up. You'll be better than fine. It's almost like it never happened.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. This little tissue drop to get that teardrop a jizz off your butt cheek.

[Bobby Kelly]

And it's a teardrop, but it's black.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's discolored.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's from surgery, I think. I. I'm. I like these guys better than Kid Rock. Kid Rock. What are we gonna do? Trump. Trump. Who are you again? We don't need that shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, let's keep telling ourselves that. Hey, this is way better than Kid Rock being here. Yeah, it was. We never got to meet Deja, the frigid girl from Atlanta who doesn't have sex with people.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Huge batwing labia.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's fucked every race possible.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then never quite found the one that fit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you didn't say your name. What's your name? Evan. Evan. And Evan, the adorable little chunky elf that likes guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's right. His farts do not make noise, everybody.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, because he's been hollowed out by Black Hollow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By black penis, everybody. His looks like the opening of a birdhouse.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at 800 pound gorilla. They're like, oh, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. That's where they stop laughing. They go, oh, no. Stop it. His fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, well, thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you guys so much for being here, everybody. How about it for Deja?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah. Give me that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And what would you say? I whacked his name again.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What was our gay friend's name?

[Bobby Kelly]

Evan. Evan. Yeah. Adorable Evan. Cute cheek, Evan.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine Boyle. That.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is fucked up, Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She really came over like this. He's gay. Christine, why are you so against gay dudes?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, why is that? I'm not against gay dudes.

[Christine]

I didn't even grab the mic. Funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you really know how to play along.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good improv, Christine. Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good stuff. Way to end the show. What, I'm not talented.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

True that. Yeah. I never have true words. That is when they do that. Welcome to Nashville, everybody. Before we get that show's done, we rise. That done, Lou.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, we have to go.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's that? We got seconds.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

1 minute and 25 seconds.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys. Tomorrow night, 7:00, I'm at Zany's and then we're doing Story Wars. Make sure to come out and see my show. I think Lewis is on. A bunch of comics are on it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I'm in Atlanta this weekend. That's right, you heard me. Atlanta with Deja. I'm going to a stupid restaurant and I'm gonna treat her real bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you? Oh, you're going to. You're gonna hook up this weekend?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who, me and Deja?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I doubt it. I don't think I'm the guy that's come back into her life. She's into that Asian dick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why you don't have a wink at me like that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. Nobody laughs, so I thought maybe a wink would get me out of it. Make sure you go to punch up that live Robert Kelly for all his dates. BigJComedy.com for mine. Second half of the Crowd Work Special. They coming out 421st half them available right now. Thank you all for the support with it and we love you guys. Thanks for coming out. Live audience.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys are the best. We'll see you at the clubs this weekend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Love you, Nashville Fest. We'll be back next year and do it again. Good night.

[Bobby Kelly]

Auto insurance can all seem the same until it comes time to use it. So don't get stuck paying more for less coverage. Switch to USAA Auto insurance and you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Could start saving money in no time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Get a quote today, restrictions apply.

[Christine]

Usaa Spring's here. Flowers are blooming, birds are singing. And allergies. Yeah, they're back too. Sneezing, watery eyes when they hit, you need a tissue fast. That's where Kleenex Ultra Soft Tissues comes in. Whether you're at home or on the go. Kleenex Ultra Soft Tissues. Have you covered? Allergist approved. Kleenex Ultra Soft tissues are gentle on your eyes and nose, so you can power through allergy season without missing a beat. Because while allergies are unpredictable, staying prepared is easy. For whatever happens next, grab Kleenex.