Boathouse Row

Summary

The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: "Boathouse Row"
Date: January 9, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode finds Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly diving deep into their trademark blend of blunt humor, storytelling, and unfiltered banter. After their Thanksgiving break, they swap stories about family holiday traditions, comedic reflections on New York and Philly life, house projects, iconic Philly landmarks, and the peculiar joys and disputes around Christmas and sports. The conversation veers between the hilarious and the heartfelt, colored by the regulars' irreverence and camaraderie.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening: Christmas in New York and Times Square Humor

Timestamp: 01:02 - 04:20

• The show opens with Bob lamenting the overplayed yet nostalgia-inducing "Empire State of Mind" during the holidays in Manhattan.
• The crew riffs on NYC’s tourist chaos, including pedicab drivers, street hawkers, and the everyday grind for locals.
• Notable quote:
  • "Don't you hear the song New York Concrete jungle where dreams are made of… there's nothing you can't do…" – Jacob (02:49)
• Reminiscing about arriving in NYC and juxtaposing it with current jadedness.

2. Thanksgiving Recaps: Family, Tiny Houses, and Traditions

Timestamp: 04:20 - 13:05

• Big Jay recounts Thanksgiving at Uncle Jimmy’s compound, highlighting the coziness of the glass house, mountainside views, and no-politics cigars/bourbon nights.
• Max (Jay's kid) falls ill, leading to riffs on parental care, health scares, and isolation in a tiny house.
• Bob reflects on splitting time between Philly gigs and Thanksgiving at his mom’s, debating whether to forge his own family traditions.
• Comedically, they explore hypothetical "trans bathroom" rules for holiday gatherings:
  • "Now your bathrooms are open to everybody… You really opened a Pandora's box there." – Bob Kelly (13:05)

3. Holiday Parties, Electricians, and Household Upgrades

Timestamp: 15:54 - 19:18

• The duo discusses hosting Christmas parties, last-minute planning, and the recurring saga of their unreliable “black electrician.”
• Christine’s exasperating customer service call about their new pre-lit Christmas tree provides comedic fodder.
  • "Christine, tell that black electrician we're gonna have him do our outside lighting and all the heating stuff. And then he came over late as shit…" – Bob Kelly (16:33)
  • "Is that Christine? Is that a phone call with Christine and him?" – Big Jay Oakerson (18:07)

4. Christmas Trees, Candles, and Fake vs. Real Debate

Timestamp: 19:18 - 24:51

• The group debates the value of real vs. artificial Christmas trees, buying high-end “forever” products, and scented candles to fake a pine smell.
• Bob misuses "endometriosis" instead of "diverticulitis," leading to infectious comedic confusion.
  • "Dog gets endometriosis from swollen pine needles." – Bob Kelly (19:48)
• Enthusiastic descriptions of programmable, color-changing Christmas trees and apps, along with complaints about “demo mode” defaults.

5. Frustrations with Customer Support and Product Choices

Timestamp: 24:51 - 30:10

• Christine’s battle with an unhelpful Indian call center agent is recounted, highlighting the agony of product troubleshooting.
  • "'I'm trying to bring joy to the neighborhood through my bay window!'" – Jacob (27:04, channeling Christine's frustration)
• Bob and Jay bemoan the difficulty of finding quality outdoor TVs and pool basketball hoops, and the inevitable disappointment with convoluted instructions and poor design.

6. Poolside Basketball, House Mods, and Backyard Hopes

Timestamp: 30:11 - 38:40

• The pitfalls of pool basketball—broken “breakaway” rims, assembly mishaps, and the desire for authentic fun.
  • "I punched like it was a person." – Bob Kelly (29:17, on bad pool equipment)
• Brainstorming realistic options for installing basketball hoops given their driveways, yards, and family play styles.
• Jay’s memory of bullying in sports and how redhead kids were feared in Boston, launching into a spontaneous redhead tough-guy mythos.

7. Sports, Childhood, and Regional Rivalries

Timestamp: 38:40 - 43:01

• Discussion of neighborhood sports versus organized leagues, hierarchy on the field, and reminiscing about bullying by a redhead named Bob Kelly.
• Quick detour into the cultural significance (or lack thereof) of rowing landmarks like Boathouse Row in Philly versus Boston's boathouses.

8. Philadelphia Icons: Boathouse Row, Love Park, and Rocky

Timestamp: 43:02 - 54:59

• Bob introduces "Boathouse Row" as the subject of a new piece of art in his home, puzzled that Jay (a Philadelphian) isn't familiar with it.
  • "You don’t have to be from Philly to know what Boathouse Row is!" – Bob Kelly (43:05)
• Light-hearted bickering over which city’s landmarks are more iconic, and the endemic Philly pride in Love Park and the Rocky statue.
• Reflections on the tourist ritual of running up the Philadelphia Museum steps, and the enduring lines for Rocky photo-ops.
• Sly digs at how Philly’s “trashiness” always wins out culturally over “high art” and how the city embraces its own lore.
  • "No one's going to that museum. But there's 300 people there to run up the stairs and take a picture with Rocky statue." – Bob Kelly (56:32)

9. Philly, Food, and Sports Despair

Timestamp: 54:59 - 59:19

• The group swaps late-night cheesesteak stories and derides Philly’s "scrappy" charm.
• The Eagles’ season collapse is dissected, with locker room drama, disappointments, and the passionate highs and lows of being a Philly sports fan.
  • "Spiritually, it’s over." – Big Jay Oakerson (58:55)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On NYC Christmas Chaos:
  "I only hear [this song] every second from the second I cross over a tunnel or bridge into Manhattan… But I started to miss it, so I said, let’s start the show with it." – Bob Kelly (01:02)
• On Crossing the “Trans Bridge” for Holidays:
  "Let’s cross the trans bridge. Okay, now you’re going to invite—of course I get the invite, right?" – Big Jay Oakerson (09:43)
• On Customer Service Fails:
  "When I leave, she’s talking to the most Indian woman ever… who is unfamiliar with this product completely." – Bob Kelly (26:35)
• On Philly Landmarks:
  "You don’t have to be from Philly to know what Boathouse Row is!" – Bob Kelly (43:05)
  "Boathouse Row is not a famous thing." – Big Jay Oakerson (44:09)
• On Rocky Culture:
  "No one's going to that museum. But there's 300 people there to run up the stairs and take a picture with Rocky statue." – Bob Kelly (56:32)
• On Philly Pride and Grit:
  "But it did make me proud to be a Pats guy. I’m like, yeah, I was always Pats anyway around." – Bob Kelly (58:15)
• On Eagles’ Season Collapse:
  "Spiritually, it’s over." – Big Jay Oakerson (58:55)

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Key Timestamps for Segment Highlights

• 01:02 – Opening on NYC Christmas music and Manhattan laments
• 04:20 – Thanksgiving stories and glass house adventures
• 13:05 – Comedic riffing on transgender bathroom policies
• 16:33 – The black electrician saga
• 19:18 – The real vs. fake Christmas tree debate
• 24:51 – Customer service madness with Indian call centers
• 29:17 – Bob’s pool basketball fit of rage
• 38:40 – Jay’s “redhead bully” stories and Boston rivalry
• 43:02 – Boathouse Row and local landmark smack talk
• 54:59 – Philly’s art museum steps, Rocky tourists, and city pride
• 58:55 – Eagles’ “spiritually over” season and sports heartbreak

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Tone and Style

True to The Bonfire’s brand, the episode swings between irreverent, off-the-cuff banter, caustic city pride, and loving ridicule of everything from family traditions to home improvement woes. The mood is playful but biting, never letting a straight story go undisturbed by a punchline or self-deprecating aside. Both hosts leverage their rich stand-up backgrounds to turn everyday frustrations and nostalgia into a running comedic dialogue.

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For new listeners:
This episode is a perfect sampler of The Bonfire’s comedic chemistry—irreverent, personal, and always ready to roast (themselves and each other). Whether you’re Philly, Boston, or somewhere in between, Big Jay and Bob Kelly’s raw humor and storyteller’s touch make for a consistently engaging hour.

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Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Love to be wild.

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[Bob Kelly]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly. Oh, man, I gotta tell you, Christmas time in New York, you don't hear this song enough.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, really? No, I thought that you'd hear it a lot.

[Bob Kelly]

No. Well, I say not enough.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

I feel like I only hear it every second from the second I cross over a tunnel or bridge into Manhattan pretty much until the time I'm locked in this studio mercifully hiding from it. But I started to miss it. So I said, let's start the show with it. Turn it up loud, Lou. And really annoy them with it with the Alicia Keys part, because I want.

[Jacob]

Him to feel how I feel outside. I'm just trying to get to work.

[Bob Kelly]

Please.

[Jacob]

I'm sorry, no. Who the fuck takes a bicycle carriage to work?

[Bob Kelly]

No, thank you. I'm good. Thank you.

[Jacob]

Excuse me. Yes, it's lights. Could you please move? I'm trying to get to work. Excuse me.

[Bob Kelly]

Excuse. Oh, Christ. No, no, I'm finishing this cigarette.

[Jacob]

Stop following me.

[Bob Kelly]

Trying to get the end of it. No, I know.

[Jacob]

Nobody wants to take a guy on a bicycle drive to work. Who would say yes to this from here, bro, get the next guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stop, stop. I'm finishing the cigarette.

[Jacob]

No, I don't want to fucking see a comedy show, okay?

[Bob Kelly]

Who's gonn?

[Jacob]

Oh, Tim Allen and Richard Pryor.

[Bob Kelly]

Really?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Isn't Richard Pryor dead? Oh, Richard Pryor Jr. Good backpedal sure. Here's 20 bucks. Give me two tickets to a club that's not open. Oh, no, please.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Excuse me.

[Bob Kelly]

Walk.

[Jacob]

The walk signs going, the walk signs going. That's why there's a bike lane, fuck face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't forget the out of towners on their phone looking for directions.

[Michelle]

Stop.

[Jacob]

Please, God. Step off to the side. Step off to the side. Don't you hear the song New York Concrete jungle where dreams are made of there's nothing you can't do Here in New York make you feel brand new.

[Bob Kelly]

Stupid lights inspire you.

[Christine]

There's two guys downstairs on 42nd street if you want to do the I Own New York, where you stand in the center and the camera goes around you and that song is blasting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I have a video.

[Christine]

That's the song that's playing?

[Jacob]

Yes, of course it is.

[Bob Kelly]

It's the only song that plays in.

[Jacob]

New York for 31 days.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jay, tell me it didn't bring you back to when you first came here. Someday I'll conquer this city, buddy.

[Bob Kelly]

I will say I did. The first time I came through, drove through Times Square, I was like, wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, wow. Imagine if they had that spinny little thing that you could take a video on and just all the lights. Oh. Brought me right back to 1996.

[Bob Kelly]

But now my energy in Times Square is move.

[Jacob]

It's a movie.

[Bob Kelly]

It's a.

[Jacob]

It's a picture of a. Of a movie poster. You can see that anywhere.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't like the Arab dude, The Muslim guy in a Santa outfit?

[Bob Kelly]

Fatties from Oklahoma come own the world.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ah, shit.

[Bob Kelly]

Fucking Christ.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, hey. So everyone's the bonfire fabric talk. SiriusXM103. We're back from Thanksgiving break.

[Louis]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

I had a good Thanksgiving. Did you have a good Thanksgiving, Bobby?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had a Wednesday night. Drove up to the tiny house, ready for an epic Thanksgiving at my Uncle Jimmy's compound.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, okay. I was gonna say you can only cook so much turkey in a tiny house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we have to spatchcock it and then portion it out.

[Bob Kelly]

Spatchcock it and cook it in sections.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One win is done.

[Bob Kelly]

Who's up?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maximus, we have one plate of mashed potatoes ready to go. No, my Uncle Jimmy has the huge house, but she did make her stuffing, which I love, on a hot plate. You had her stuffing right on a hot plate. Well, she made it at the house and we drove it up.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then we had a great. I mean, his house is just like. It's like a, you know, better Homes and Garden house, you know, and then he had A. He just built a. A glass house on a piece of his land overlooking the mountains with just a wood burning stove in it.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So we went in there with cigars and stuff. He does bourbon now.

[Bob Kelly]

It's weird. He built a glass house because I always thought he was a stone thrower as a young man. And I don't know if you heard about people with glass houses.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but he's a big fan of Billy Joel.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So.

[Bob Kelly]

But he was throwing a brick through his glass house. If you recall the front of the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Album we did at the end of the song.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's plexiglass.

[Bob Kelly]

Ooh. Bounces right off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was like epic. Like we're just sitting in this thing. It was like being back 150 years. Just the wood burning stove and smoking bats, talking, no politics, which was great. And then. And then Max got sick.

[Bob Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That night. He was like, I don't feel well. And he was supposed to go hunting with him.

[Bob Kelly]

With what? Like common cold?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, Covid. I don't know. No, it wasn't Covid. We checked for that.

[Bob Kelly]

It was aids appendicitis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was hiv, not full blown aids.

[Bob Kelly]

Hiv, but still, it's kicking the nuts.

[Christine]

Prep for that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I just know he didn't have that on the Landman. He didn't get it from sex.

[Bob Kelly]

It's also no longer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but he didn't get it from banging dudes. He got it from touching dudes. Who banged dudes.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, my God, no. Why did he become a gay guy's wiener cleaner in the showers? Bob, you can't get him any job available at a country club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know you got to pay you to learn how to be a man and pay old man wiener cleaner, but I gave him some of my cocktail and he's fine now.

[Bob Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Michelle]

Oh, I didn't tell you?

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, cocktail. One word.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, one.

[Bob Kelly]

Got you. I'm like, whoa, dude, I don't think that fixes age. What are you, African? That's what Africans believe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I stuck a in his tail.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, you cocktailed him and that fixed him right up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, having a sick. Having somebody sick in a tiny house just sucks.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, I bet, because you're all gonna get it. I mean, now you brought it here like school. No, no, Jacob can't. No, Jacob can't wipe this place down enough.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I, I, I stayed away from him.

[Bob Kelly]

How?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just didn't touch him for three days.

[Bob Kelly]

Did you go to another different house?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. I just sat in a chair for two days.

[Bob Kelly]

So you didn't go to the compound?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We went. What do you mean? His house?

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jimmy's house. We went there. Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, you did? So it was after Thanksgiving.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Max got sick after Thanksgiving, got sick, so.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, weekend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. We drove home early. Sucked. Yeah. Sucked. But. And I. And I didn't touch him. He felt. I felt bad. I put a mask on. I would only give him.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh. Oh. Because you didn't want to get sick. I thought he was saying, like, I didn't, like. Like we were accusing you of molesting him. I know. You don't.

[Jacob]

You don't know that.

[Bob Kelly]

I don't know that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't know that. Don't.

[Bob Kelly]

I do. You do. You are the take. You have taken the tinted glasses, which does read a little. You're hiding something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm hiding my eyes.

[Bob Kelly]

Try to keep a poker face through molesting your boy. It's gotta be tough.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it kind of. It was starting off as an epic weekend, and then it just. It was me hiking in the woods alone.

[Bob Kelly]

Ew.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Trying to stay out of a tiny.

[Bob Kelly]

House where everyone's sick. Is dawn sick?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Nobody's sick.

[Bob Kelly]

She didn't get sick either?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bob Kelly]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. Women. Moms don't get sick.

[Bob Kelly]

For some reason, they do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, they don't.

[Bob Kelly]

You think so?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, they get sick of me. You know, I'm a pain in the ass. All right, faction talk 103. I'm Bob Kelly. That's Big J Lou over there, and Christine's on. The whole gang's here.

[Jacob]

Coming up, a Thanksgiving break.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ah, look at little Jacob in his small chair. It's just makes me look tidy.

[Bob Kelly]

Tiny chair Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tiny chair Jacob. How was yours?

[Bob Kelly]

My Thanksgiving was fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What'd you go?

[Bob Kelly]

Went to my mom's house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ooh.

[Bob Kelly]

Got to see my nieces and nephew, eat some good food.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, when are you gonna make the move?

[Bob Kelly]

Of what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of starting your own tradition.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, I did say. I think next year I'm just gonna. Because here's the thing. I do that Philly weekend, which is a great weekend, every Thanksgiving. I like the tradition of that. But Lewis cooked Thanksgiving this year.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, really?

[Bob Kelly]

Rice and beans, and he did, I think, like, Puerto Rican turkey. What is that, pork stolen?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he stole it.

[Bob Kelly]

It's. It's a.

[Christine]

But he.

[Bob Kelly]

You know, I could do the Wednesday shows and then go back to New York and still do Thanksgiving at my house and then come back on Friday for the rest of the shows. Dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Do. I would love to do a Thanksgiving at The Okersons.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, the Okerson be good.

[Bob Kelly]

I know, though, but you like to have Thanksgiving with trans people, and I don't know what the trans rule in my house is yet.

[Christine]

Really?

[Bob Kelly]

I haven't figured it out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bob Kelly]

I haven't had to cross that bridge yet.

[Michelle]

Well, let's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's break. Let's break it down. Let's. Let's cross the trans bridge. Okay, now you're going to invite. Of course I get the invite, right?

[Bob Kelly]

Of course.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, who else gets the invite?

[Bob Kelly]

Daughter. My daughter. Of course.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Her friend.

[Bob Kelly]

Her mother.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Her mother.

[Bob Kelly]

Okay, so I think her friend goes home. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now Josh.

[Bob Kelly]

No, Josh goes to his mom's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, so Josh doesn't come.

[Louis]

Louis hosts.

[Bob Kelly]

Louis hosts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lewis hosts?

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What does that mean?

[Bob Kelly]

Well, he does his own Thanksgiving. I mean, I could invite Louis, but, I mean, then the aunt's hanging out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, dude, she can just appear at your house. Yeah, if you know that she walks through a portal, buddy, wherever Lewis goes on a holiday, she's just winds up on your couch.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, I think she's a hologram that lives in his pocket. She died years ago. He uses it for insurance purposes or something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just want to know that's not his aunt. That's his mom.

[Bob Kelly]

Been hiding it all these years.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

Or what if it's a thing? He did think his mom was his mom, but before the aunt passes, she lets him know. Like, you were actually my son. Yeah, you were my son. My sister took care of you poorly with drugs and prostitution and marrying a guy who got murdered, but I am your actual mother. And I'm. I'm only telling you this now because I didn't want to raise you at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You bug me. But I do like your turkey.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, but you ended up having a couple bucks, so I hung in there for a little bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I saw potential in 2014.

[Bob Kelly]

I hung in there. But I'm your mother. But I want you to know I have no regrets of not taking care of you at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And don't call me Mom.

[Bob Kelly]

Don't call me mom even when I'm gone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

Still refer to me as an auntie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you have. You have to. But you think Louis would be. Would Louis switch over to yours? Because I usually host, but I have no problem switching over to somebody else's for a Thanksgiving. No, I would love to go over there.

[Bob Kelly]

Ever since Lewis had, like, James, he's kind of done his own Thanksgiving.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

Like which I get, so. No, not Louis. Dave do his own Thanksgiving. Yeah.

[Michelle]

That'S It.

[Bob Kelly]

I'd invite Fenoia Fanoia probably, but for.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Noya has a wife. Which do they. But do they do their own Thanksgiving out there in ct?

[Bob Kelly]

Not necessarily, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, they don't. Okay, there you go. Fenoy and the wife.

[Bob Kelly]

You probably have to get them away from her family would be the thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a tough thing. Well, that's the thing with. When we. We were doing. We were going back to Boston every year, and there was one year I was like, I'm done. I want our. I want. When we had Max, I'm like, we need. He needs to have his own tradition. He needs to wake up and have Christmas. He needs to have his own Thanksgiving.

[Bob Kelly]

Nobody wants fucking crabs for fucking Thanksgiving either. Boston idiots.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

First of all, that is. It's not crabs. It's lobster and clam chowder on Thanksgiving.

[Bob Kelly]

No, probably. Probably.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was better than a chees steak.

[Bob Kelly]

Hey, did you guys spatchcock the corned beef?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love spatchcock. Yeah. We started doing our own, which was great. And that's when I had to cross the trans bridge.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. And I did it and it was not as. I loved it. It's great.

[Bob Kelly]

Absolutely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I trust I crossed that bridge. Max's second birthday. Third birthday.

[Bob Kelly]

But just so you know, now your bathrooms are open to everybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what I mean?

[Bob Kelly]

You really opened a Pandora's box there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I have a universal bathroom.

[Bob Kelly]

I know. Yeah, I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So what?

[Bob Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can actually make. Make the downstairs bathroom in the little living room area. That be the public bathroom.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, I think you say the trans bathroom.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you could just call it that if you want.

[Bob Kelly]

Christine, would you be opposed to. It's. I mean, listen, it's kind of a joke. It's kind of a joke, but can we have a no trans sign? Like can we get the little bathroom person but like with the skirt and a wiener and a circle slash over it, like, no trans are allowed this bathroom or not? The circle slash, that's this bathroom. Let's do that. Let's be more progressive. We have an only trans bathroom. No one else is allowed in there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's downstairs. Downstairs we have downstairs. We have both. We have.

[Bob Kelly]

Can I go downstairs now? I'm asking you, Bobby, like, it's your rules, but am I allowed to go in there to like, blow my nose with some tissue? Or is it trans only if I make it trans only? Does it have to be trans only everything?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bob Kelly]

Or just for the toilet?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's trans only. Is everybody plus the trans. No oh, really?

[Bob Kelly]

No. You think I'm going in there after that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't want to wipe the seat.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't want to wipe.

[Bob Kelly]

Trans people in my house have to use the. I have those toilet seat covers that come down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the worst.

[Bob Kelly]

What if my bidet gets confused with tits and dicks?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you hear.

[Bob Kelly]

What if my bidet goes on the fritz, doesn't know what to do for your trans tushy? Yeah. It sees a girl butt, starts going to fucking get the pussy and butt and then it's hitting ball bag dong comes out. And then it freaks in and skits is out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Donkey comes out. You didn't wipe the seat. It wasn't me.

[Bob Kelly]

What if that's the beginning of the Terminator? What if my bidet gets angry at me for presenting it such an odd thing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think you'd be fine with the trans person.

[Bob Kelly]

Why does this thing have a big dick and a ass? Angry, angry. Must rise up. Humans getting weird. Skynet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And that's why. That's why it took over the world.

[Bob Kelly]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because we got too weird.

[Bob Kelly]

We got too weird. What's going on?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does not compute.

[Bob Kelly]

What is this? I'm a vibrator. Why am I in a butt? Angry, Angry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, man.

[Bob Kelly]

Damn, dude. The untold Terminator story.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think you should, by the way.

[Bob Kelly]

Jacob, jot that down and then mail it to ourselves. Make sure no one steals that idea out in porn University. Please. I want to make sure Silicon Valley doesn't get its hands on this. Damn, that'd be awesome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would love to do a party. What about a Christmas party at the Oerson's? Sure, that'd be a good one.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, why not?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Little Christmas party come over.

[Bob Kelly]

Little spiked eggnog.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you guys. Not for you, but you guys throw a good party.

[Louis]

We were thinking about doing one this year, but it just hasn't been planned yet. Like this week.

[Bob Kelly]

What about our black electrician ever brought.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Our heating for outside? Yeah, okay. Well, I have it taken care of. You heard me.

[Bob Kelly]

You killed that black electrician. Bobby. That's too much. I didn't want that to be the case.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You should have said something.

[Bob Kelly]

I just thought you ended up being unrelia end of the day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, whatever, dude. I got it. Sunset.

[Bob Kelly]

It is funny because I didn't know his name. And when he came by to look at our house when I thought there was a wiring issue and he was like. He was like. He's like. I could take a good look at this. He's but he's like, I'm going on vacation tomorrow, so I might not be able to get to it for like two weeks. And we were like, okay, is it dangerous at all? And he was like, no. And then he started looking up, like, light flickering in the house. Could it be. And they're like, yeah, sure, it could be dangerous. So we got somebody else to handle it. But when he was there, we also talked about some outdoor lighting and some other electrical stuff. So I was like, I felt bad that we got somebody else. I go, hey, Christine, tell that black electrician we're gonna have him do our outside lighting and all the heating stuff. And then he came over late as shit. I think a day or two late. One day. Then he came over and told Christine he's gonna go, I'm gonna get you. All these options are gonna be coming to you by tonight. You're gonna get an email. Then he never reached back Alcott again.

[Louis]

At one point, he said, I get my lights from Home Depot. And just sent me, like, the Home.

[Bob Kelly]

Depot, which I'm like, I don't know.

[Louis]

If you've ever shopped on Home depot. There's like 5,000 of everything. I was like, I need somebody to hold my hand a little more through this process.

[Bob Kelly]

Really? He's like, come on, baby. I'm black electrician.

[Louis]

We just never followed him.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, now. Ohms my God. That's his little joke I make. Ohms, my God. Oh, yeah. You want your wild rerouted, huh? It don't cost nothing. Get your ass a little extra light switch.

[Babs]

I don't understand why you hate on me. We don't understand show love. It don't cost nothing to show a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How we doing this game money?

[Babs]

Show a some love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that Christine? Is that a phone call with Christine and him?

[Bob Kelly]

Man, I gotta tell you, when I left the house on Wednesday, I left the house to one of the funniest arguments I ever heard happening with. It was Christine on the phone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

The night before. She opened it so quick and set it up so like, she set it up so fast, this tree. And we did the same thing. Like, what's her friend? Our friend, her friend, our friend Michelle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Love her.

[Bob Kelly]

Who loves? She's the fancy schmance person we know who tells you always, like, the. Oh, just buy the label brand thing, you know, get this. You'll have it forever. She's that person.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

So that's why I have like five things in my life that are stupidly priced. I'll have them forever, I guess. And she Goes, this is the pre lit. You know, what do you call it? Fake. Fake Christmas tree. This is the one. This is the one. You have to get it. So Christine got it and brings it back. Or, you know, it shows up to the house. She sets it up really quick, the lights. And we're going through. And she showed me all different things lights can do. It's like the lights under my truck. I have one more. One of those same ones last year.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was the first year that we had a fake tree and the same thing. Dawn. Is this the top of. I go. I love a regular tree. I love doing the lights. I love getting the tree. The year before, we actually cut our own tree down. I like it. I don't mind it. I like. You know, it's our thing, you know?

[Bob Kelly]

Nobody else in your family does.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do we cut a tree down?

[Bob Kelly]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was awesome. Went to a tree farm.

[Bob Kelly]

Then you did. It was awesome. Then that one time. Remember that memory you gave? Maxacor memory. It's over now. Fake tree.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, we got one last year.

[Bob Kelly]

Dog gets endometriosis from swollen pine needles.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What the fuck is. What is it?

[Bob Kelly]

I didn't mean endometriosis. What did I mean? I meant what happened with the fish bones in Brock Lesnar's stomach. It fucking rips a lining in your stomach. No, I want to get it, Jacob. I mean, look it up. Yes, but I also want to get it. You got. I'm gonna say sickle cell. Did I guess endometriosis? Is that what I said?

[Louis]

It's a period thing.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, Endo. Fucking come on now. It's. Do you see what it is now, Jacob? Do your little fingers type, too? Not fast enough. It's called Am I right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With an E. Now it's an I.

[Christine]

Give you the first letter.

[Louis]

Yes.

[Christine]

D.

[Bob Kelly]

Endometriosis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that's not it.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, diverticulitis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There you go. Try it again. What's that face?

[Bob Kelly]

Because you said there you go. You didn't know if it was the right answer until everyone else accepted it. Also.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's the problem, though. You'll never know.

[Bob Kelly]

I'll never know that for sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You'll have to investigate it. And you don't have the time or the money to do that.

[Bob Kelly]

All right, let's go back. Ready?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

Okay. We're all in a good time. We're having a good laugh. I'm gonna get a real tree for that. Doesn't make any sense. Because Dog's gonna get a diverticulitis from swallowing pine needles. That's all we needed from it, by the way. It was never gonna be a fucking room devastator. It was always gonna be like a. But I wanted to make sure. Endometriosis. That's pussy stuff. Yeah, I mean, literally, I think it's stuff. It's like a thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's period stuff she said, right?

[Bob Kelly]

Period stuff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Period junk.

[Bob Kelly]

It's like your period never stops. Yeah, he's always squirting that old pussy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. It comes out like jello gelatin. It clumps up.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh my Christ. Oh my Christ on the cross.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I. You know what?

[Michelle]

I've.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

After we did get the fake tree. I did. It looked great and it's. It.

[Michelle]

She bought candles. You gotta buy candles.

[Bob Kelly]

Excuse.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, she got candles that smell like the tree.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh yeah? Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So when you walk in, it smells like you have a real tree.

[Bob Kelly]

Sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a great idea.

[Louis]

Fraser fur.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fraser fur.

[Michelle]

What?

[Louis]

That's like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't buy candles. I'm not gay.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You buy candles?

[Bob Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why am I asking that?

[Bob Kelly]

Crackling candles are my favorite.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is that?

[Bob Kelly]

They go a what?

[Louis]

Well, we haven't got our wind.

[Michelle]

It makes a sound.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I get it, I get it. I. I got it. Okay, I got it. One more time.

[Bob Kelly]

It crackles. It goes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, I got it.

[Bob Kelly]

Okay, good. Oh, here, you can see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a crackling candle.

[Bob Kelly]

It's one of them. That's the one that goes across.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, how does it crack?

[Bob Kelly]

Burn like. Like this? It goes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know how.

[Michelle]

I know.

[Bob Kelly]

You just asked me the question.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, but how does it actually The. The physics of it work?

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, I take my tongue. It's like my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, not you. The candle.

[Michelle]

The candle.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, I don't know, dude. What do I got a candle maker?

[Michelle]

You know what diverticulitis is?

[Bob Kelly]

Barely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's. That would that. I hate that. That sounds like the trees burning. It sounds like the house is on fire.

[Bob Kelly]

Well, that's not a good one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is nuts.

[Bob Kelly]

That's a real shit. That's a shit one. That's a. That's asmr. Give me one. Give me it. First of all, Christine, get off these B market bullshit candles and take me over to a Yankee Candle crackling candle, please.

[Michelle]

Let me hear it.

[Louis]

Yankee Candle brand.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let me hear it.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, what a jerk off. But anyway, yeah, you get a crackling candle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't like the crackling. If that's the sound, I don't want it. That would freak me out.

[Bob Kelly]

That's. That's not. That was asmr. It sounds like this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That sounds like somebody having a stroke. That sounds like Keith eating.

[Bob Kelly]

Keith eating cereal. So, yep, Christine got this tree, and, like, the lights under my truck, she's showing me on the app, and it's nice. Fun. This does this. You know, it cascades down. They all go white and do different spots. They do my favorite thing always, which I guess people don't love as much as I do, but I love. Is the. The fading in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love the fading.

[Bob Kelly]

Some people don't love the fading.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love the fade.

[Bob Kelly]

Is this the play? Is this the one? So it does all this stuff, and she's showing people. What I'm noticing is that every time she changes it to a different thing at one point after, like, a little bit, you know, it does it for a little bit. Then it starts going back to just, like, does a little bit of everything. It does all the lights. Then it twinkles. Then they all turn white and do, like, on its own, like a demo mode.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you can actually go through, like, different tax brackets of people.

[Bob Kelly]

Sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

White trash, really rich, middle class.

[Bob Kelly]

What it starts doing is going through a demo mode.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Bob Kelly]

It just starts doing everything it possibly does. It starts doing all of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you can swipe that.

[Michelle]

I think we didn't get that one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if you could do that.

[Michelle]

Is that the one you got right there?

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you can, like, touch the lights on the app and make it do. Yes.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's nuts. I love that.

[Bob Kelly]

No, it's. She got, like, the one.

[Michelle]

Dawn didn't get the one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She said she got the one.

[Bob Kelly]

Dawn lies to you a lot, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does lie to me. God, I wish she'd have sex with somebody else, and I'd catch her.

[Bob Kelly]

Set her up. Dude, I'm trying to set her up. Start hiring more guys at your house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She really does speak fluent Spanish.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she took one course in high school, and all of a sudden, she can just talk to my construction guy.

[Bob Kelly]

Is this American flag? The thing we have was this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can make an American flag. I want this.

[Bob Kelly]

So. But we got. But here's what's happening.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can you make a Jewish flag?

[Bob Kelly]

There's no such thing.

[Michelle]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A Palestinian flag?

[Bob Kelly]

It's not a Jewish flag. Yeah, there is Israeli flag.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. You say Israeli, I say Jewish.

[Bob Kelly]

A Jewish flag. Shh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We got one in the room right now.

[Bob Kelly]

Do you want to hear this argument?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, I do.

[Bob Kelly]

So what happens every time she sets a new light thing and we look at it for a little bit, it just goes and Start kind of defaults back to this demo mode, which is doing a little bit everything. It's all over the place. And I'm like, that's weird. And then I go, we'll just put it on maybe when you gotta leave the app open or something. And she's. Whatever's happening, it just keeps defaulting to this. She gets up the next morning, it's the first thing I hear walking around. She's pissed off about this thing is just defaulting. When I leave, she's talking to the most Indian woman ever. Who is talking to her from, I can only assume, India, who is unfamiliar with this product completely. It is the number you call and Christine's argument are saying things like, this woman probably lives like. Probably takes a bath, like in hippopotamus water. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They don't have hippos in India. No, no, it's Africa.

[Bob Kelly]

Whatever they have. They have elephants, elephant water, hippopotamus. Funnier.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Way funnier.

[Bob Kelly]

This lady. And he. And as I'm walking out, she's going.

[Jacob]

And it keeps defaulting to this demo mode. And it's like, I was told this was the tree. I was told this was the tree.

[Bob Kelly]

And now I need you to either.

[Jacob]

Tell me how this works or have somebody come here and pick this piece of shit up because I need another tree.

[Bob Kelly]

Jesus Christ about a Christmas tree.

[Jacob]

I'm trying to bring joy to the neighborhood through my bay window.

[Louis]

Jay, you have to admit that this woman was infuriating.

[Bob Kelly]

She was infuriating and she was catching all of Christine's fury. And she is just a lady who I could only assume was surrounded by a harem of weird fucking cloth and just. Ugh. And she was just like, madam, I'd call you back.

[Jacob]

And she's like, oh, you're call me back?

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, you're going to call me back? I don't think you're going to call me back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I have to go get my lunch. From a man who sits in dirt around rats and sticks his fingers in pans.

[Bob Kelly]

For some reason, I am told to worship him. God damn it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it is weird when you have to call those people and you immediately know that it's just. Hello. You're like, fuck. They don't. You know, it makes you. It makes you really desire the angry black woman. Remember back in the day? Hello?

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, my God. Anybody who happens to work with the product. But that's what I said. I found that with that outside TV thing, too, with the sound bar thing, the small tv, the companies, the Smallest of them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. I am sorry. It is a perfect size for that area. It's almost. It's good. It's great.

[Bob Kelly]

I forgot what you're talking about.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, we're talking about the tree.

[Bob Kelly]

The tree is stupid. Tree sucks. No, all those things that are like. When you're like, I want to get like the shit. Like I'm gonna get like the thing, the motherfucker. It's always. It leaves like, why is the best outdoor TV not Samsung or Sony? It probably is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

Could you just get that TV and put it like one of the outside boxes that basically the TV I bought is just a Google TV in a box like that. Like a weatherproof box.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

So it's like. It's not the top of the line thing. They're just doing the thing for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

We're actually giving you probably a cheaper tv, but it's in this weatherproof box.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

And it's always some kind of scam. The basketball, the pool basketball thing. I got piece of shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you got it.

[Bob Kelly]

I mean, it's gone now. That was the worst. I punched it. I punched like it was a person.

[Louis]

Why?

[Bob Kelly]

Because it was a thousand dollar pool basketball setup. And it was listed. Let's just tell you this. Out of the gates, it was listed as breakaway rim. That's why I got it. He goes, if you guys can dunk off the. You could jump off the sides and dunk and you could do whatever. And this thing. Breakaway rim, Breakaway rim. Breakaway rim. Do you know what that is? In the NBA, they made the breakaway rim. So when people dunk, it's why it bends down. Because the shaft springs back. Yeah. And snaps back. It's not a breakaway rim. It's like a fail safe. So it doesn't break. Is that if you dunk on it and put enough weight on it, the whole thing just like caves down. Like almost like a hydraulic. But it's not hydraulic. It just bends down on your head.

[Christine]

While you're in the water.

[Jacob]

No, it won't be on your head.

[Bob Kelly]

It was just, you gotta get out of the pool and have somebody reset it. Annoyingly, the whole thing was just made bad. The directions had no words, just pictures and no labels. You had to line up with the picture of the part you were holding. And some of the parts was like a plastic thing. Three of them look exactly the same. Slightly different sizes, but from a picture.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Didn'T have an Image that said H6.

[Bob Kelly]

One of the. One of the.

[Jacob]

Not the biggest or the little 8.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

6 to 8, 9 it was insane.

[Bob Kelly]

And so I, I punched and kicked it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, she got some of your. Your anger out.

[Bob Kelly]

I did, I did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that it right there?

[Bob Kelly]

That's the one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It looks kind of cool, dude.

[Bob Kelly]

Doesn't it though?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It looks awesome.

[Bob Kelly]

Doesn't it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you have to fill it with water?

[Bob Kelly]

You fill it with water in the bottom. You fill it with 500 plus pounds of water. Jesus Christ, buddy. It. It was. Let me tell you. Let me tell you what else I got from them. That's a thousand bucks. Let me tell them a little more. Let me tell you what else I got from them. For $30, I tagged on these two little floating basketball nets. They just like float in the water.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

Two of those and a bunch of the miniature basketballs. It's the only thing at all that I played, actually. I played with that only one time. And I reinforced them too, because they were built kind of shitty too. Reinforced them with good like waterproof tape and all kind of stuff to make him really good. And then we all were playing in the pool once and, and Christine and a bunch of people were just like, yo, this, this thing sucks. And I never played it again. Ever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I mean, you're actually, you know, you're not supposed to play basketball in a pool.

[Bob Kelly]

You're supposed to for sure supposed to do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The pool is the pool, the basketball is the basketball.

[Bob Kelly]

Is that what you. Is that living your. Do you think the world's agreeing with you on that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think that when you put, when they mix things, you got it.

[Bob Kelly]

If you're in a pool for hours.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

You don't think at some point someone's like, hey, throw the fucking. Let's do a little fun game with the basketballs in the pool.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, yeah, there's pool fun games. You play like, you know, my basketball pool days are, look at my penis under the water. Go under. And then you look up, you're like.

[Bob Kelly]

Dude, that's how you lose a pool boy. Quick.

[Michelle]

Gas, snacks, tolls. This trip is draining my wallet.

[Grainger Announcer]

Yeah, but we'll be with family.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're in a good mood.

[Bob Kelly]

What's your deal? What's my deal? I saved at Metro with no activation fees and I got one line of 5G for just $25 per month. Kept the phone I love and a 5 year price guarantee on my top tuxed data detour to Metro.

[Michelle]

Get that more for your money feeling.

[Babs]

Only at Metro by T Mobile.

[Grainger Announcer]

Just bring your number. $30 first month and $25 after with autopay not available. If with Metro or T Mobile in.

[Bob Kelly]

The past 180 days.

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[Michelle]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

I put it on.

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From Quints right now.

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I was.

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[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, no, I've gotten. I'm out of the basketball pool biz.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You done?

[Bob Kelly]

Done. No more. I picked no more things for the pool for leisure of it. I don't go in it enough and no one enjoys basketball in the pool with me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why don't you get some waterproof cards and we can do like Texas hold' em in your pool.

[Bob Kelly]

I don't like Texas hold them either.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What about strip poker and you pool?

[Bob Kelly]

I do not like. I have to say I'm not enjoying not living anywhere near our ability to have any kind of basketball fun at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you could put a bat. You have a big enough front yard. You could put a basketball hoop in your driveway. And then park the cars on the street and we could play some ball.

[Bob Kelly]

I'd have to change the entire driveway.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why would you have to change the entire driveway?

[Bob Kelly]

Because it's brick. Oh, so we could play basketball like the forefathers. We'll all wear buckle shoes and fucking dribble basketballs on brick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We all have wigs. We have somebody with a quill writing the score down.

[Bob Kelly]

Now I think I'm gonna put a basketball net outside. Every Sunday, I'm having everybody vote for colonial basket. Hey, everyone. Sundays for colonial basketball. Who's in buckled shoes, knee high socks. No black guys, bottom of the nose, glasses. You have to shoot. You shoot your free throws. I guess.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If it's a tie, you do a duel.

[Bob Kelly]

I wanted to put one in my backyard. But for the size, it would like dominate the backyard. And it's a nice backyard.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got a great backyard.

[Bob Kelly]

Should be grass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You could put like a little half court somewhere.

[Bob Kelly]

That's where I would. That's what I'm saying. But like a half court, even though like this just takes up space. It's stupid.

[Louis]

Even like, like, like by where the.

[Bob Kelly]

You make that so low. I was like she choosing her words wisely.

[Louis]

No, like where the white fences. It goes out to the driveway.

[Bob Kelly]

You could put a basketball Thing, if you want. What's that?

[Louis]

You know what I mean? Like on the side of the house, like where it goes out to the driveway, like right there. Can that be a basketball area?

[Bob Kelly]

You concrete the whole thing, though.

[Louis]

Yeah, but just like that part of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Because then you get away. The problem with that is that the ball is going to go over you the fence and you're gonna have to. Hey, man, it's very close.

[Louis]

You could have the hoop on. Like have the back of the hoop be the house if you put it there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, because.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, but when it goes off to the side, it's a terrible spot for it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, I got a basketball hoop from Max and just stuck it in the driveway.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, but he plays like a white kid. I need a little bit of space to move around, man. I grew up in West Philadelphia, so we.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would love to fight you on that, but Max really sucked at basketball.

[Bob Kelly]

Space to move, dude. Well, Max is playing football and he's playing football the way he's supposed to for his size and height and everything. Like, he's playing like linemen. He's in a thing. That's why my whole thing was so fucked up. Because when I was a kid, there was no organized sports really that we were playing. At least we went to Catholic school or something. My school had no organized sports like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

So it was all neighborhood football. And we played. But I'm not a quarterback. But I was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You were the quarterback.

[Bob Kelly]

Some games, you know what I mean? It was nothing. There's no, There wasn't lines. There wasn't like a defensive enough, you know, I mean, it was like, maybe you had like a two person line and that job sucked. But size almost meant nothing. Like, I was a great running back because people couldn't tackle me, not because I was fast, you know, I mean, have five guys. Five guys just dragging you down. Yeah, a bunch of kids smaller than me, yanking on my body, like, fucking. It was like they were bringing down a monster.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. They had Pop Warner, but I couldn't play because the kid in Pop Warner, one of the leaders or whatever the fuck, he hated my guts. And he used to beat me up all the time.

[Bob Kelly]

He said you weren't allowed to play.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, my friend went down, he's like, dude, come down. Just check it out. And I went. And he was there and he was like, what the fuck are you doing there? I was like, just leaving and I just never went back.

[Bob Kelly]

I'm here to. I'm here to wash the jock straps.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I Was just saying, hey, man, I'm not gonna fucking deal with this shit.

[Bob Kelly]

Sure. Yeah, Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got bullied out of hockey, too.

[Bob Kelly]

I used to Boston. That's big. Yeah, people love hockey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The other kid, Bob Kelly, his name was Bob Kelly.

[Bob Kelly]

He was just better.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now I was just a mean redhead. And I showed up at the rink one day and he beat me up for having the name.

[Bob Kelly]

You got bullied by a redhead?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got. I got bullied. Redheads bully everybody.

[Bob Kelly]

Not this guy. Oh, that's a Boston thing. Yeah, that's a Boston thing, dude. Not in Philadelphia, dude. A redhead bully. No way, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I actually met him.

[Bob Kelly]

If you were a redhead, try to bully me in school, if you were bigger than me and a thousand times tougher than me, you're gonna have to kill me before I keep fighting, before I stop fighting back. Before I go home and tell everyone I lost to a redhead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Buddy, redhead scared the shit out of me my whole life. I mean, silent Children of the Corn Christmas story.

[Bob Kelly]

It's a Boston.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's always a redheaded with, like, you know, Boston shows weird teeth. Yeah, he beats freckles. I saw him three years ago at a. At a Dom. Steak Tips. Had a. Oh, grand opening. I went there, and he walked up, he's like, hey, what's up? You remember me? I was like, who are you? I'm. I'm Bob Kelly, too, remember? I was like, oh, I remember you.

[Bob Kelly]

He goes, let me borrow your son for the weekend. You're okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I go, he was with his son. I was at Max. I go, you used to beat me up, and I never played hockey because of you. And he goes, yeah, I did.

[Bob Kelly]

He goes, oh, that's why I'm. He goes. He goes, that's why I'm here, actually. And then he had his son beat up Max.

[Jacob]

Jesus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Max doesn't play hockey now.

[Bob Kelly]

Max doesn't play hockey anymore. Oh, shit. Yeah. Hockey's big one in Boston. People love hockey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hated it.

[Bob Kelly]

I hate watching the sport. I don't like. I don't get it at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't like.

[Bob Kelly]

I mean, I get how it works. I'm saying I just, like, as a sport to watch, it's not. Not entertaining to me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. I mean, going live is great, but it's. I heard that always smells like. Just socks, and that ice smell always bothered me, but I love going to.

[Bob Kelly]

A game, but I gotta go to one. I gotta see a game, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

While going to a game is good, watching a guy fight another guy, like, just. It's One of the last sports where you can just beat the. Out of each other.

[Bob Kelly]

They stone. They stop it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They let them go.

[Bob Kelly]

They fight like bad girls club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They. They stopped it for a minute, but then they let him go a little more now. Because they know that. Yeah, but people watch hockey to see people.

[Bob Kelly]

Well, they got rid of fights complete. Was that a couple years? Completely got rid of fights.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

And then they were like, all right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we need it back.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because it was a. It sucked. Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

I think they got upset when there was that game. Do you remember Blades of Steel? You go back to video games that far and like, that was like either in video. In arcades, and it was like Nintendo, but the whole game was just like, banging into each other until they would do that split screen where the two guys threw their pads down and it was just a. Each hold each other's shoulders and one punch to the face each until one went down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Was it a Philly guy or a Boston guy that he went up to the whole bench back in the day, threw his gloves off and went to the other team's bench and just said, let's go to the whole fucking team?

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, probably.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who was that?

[Bob Kelly]

I think it was a Bobby Clark, maybe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, I actually. He was at Boston come. Boston comics come home a few years ago, and me and Burr hung out with him all night. Oh, yeah, he's still a maniac.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, I got some. I bought some Philly centric art while I was in Philadelphia. What was it for? Behind my couch, I got a big old picture of Boathouse Row.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The fuck is that?

[Bob Kelly]

Come on, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not from Philly. I don't know what boathouse row is.

[Bob Kelly]

You don't have to be from Philly to know what boathouse row is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's boathouse row?

[Bob Kelly]

Do you know what boathouse row is?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Nobody does.

[Bob Kelly]

You know what boathouse row is, don't you, Black Lou? Absolutely. Thank you. All right, Jacob, do you know what boathouse row is? Don't you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's off the Delaware Ware river.

[Michelle]

Right by Ben Franklin Bridge.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is it?

[Bob Kelly]

Not really by Ben Franklin Bridge, but yes, in the area.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Was it just. It's just boathouses.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah.

[Louis]

Ooh.

[Bob Kelly]

Iconic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, dude. No, Bunker Hill is iconic.

[Bob Kelly]

What is that? That's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's in Bunker Hill, where if they fucking saw the.

[Bob Kelly]

The British coming, it was boathouse row.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Boathouse row is just boathouses. It's fancy people.

[Bob Kelly]

No, it's not fancy people. It's the crew houses for the University of Pennsylvania Crew teams.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we have that. We have that on the Charles River.

[Bob Kelly]

What's it called?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's called Charles River Boathouse for Harvard University, which is a better. Whatever the wordy. I mean, it's wordy because I don't know what it is. I just made it up.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh. Oh, okay. Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we have that.

[Bob Kelly]

I thought it was real. I apologize.

[Louis]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Boathouse Row is not a famous thing.

[Bob Kelly]

Of course it is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nobody knows what Boathouse Road is.

[Bob Kelly]

Except if you're from Row that to Boathouse Row.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, do we have that in Boston?

[Bob Kelly]

Is it called Boathouse Row?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's called the Charles River Boathouse.

[Bob Kelly]

Well, this is Boathouse Row.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, Charles River Boathouse is probably more famous.

[Bob Kelly]

Well, your stupid one doesn't have a cool picture.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the cool picture.

[Bob Kelly]

Where's. Where's Bobby's dumb one?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That looks like just fucking shitty houses on a river.

[Bob Kelly]

That's what it looks like to you in that picture?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That. Yeah, but, dude, it looks like. That looks like where I come from in New Hampshire, the Holderness.

[Bob Kelly]

You don't come from New Hampshire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do it. I'm a dual residence. How dare you?

[Bob Kelly]

You come from there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've been, now I do half there. I'm half New Hampshire.

[Bob Kelly]

What a shapeshifter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Look at that. That's.

[Bob Kelly]

Let me see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at that. Dude, that's it right there.

[Michelle]

That's iconic.

[Bob Kelly]

That's where old men would rape boys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, dude, that's why it's iconic. How many date rapes took place?

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, that's all mystic river boy rape. Shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a Charles River. Sure, that's a different river.

[Bob Kelly]

No, but whatever. You know they killed Tim Roberts Robbins.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not it.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, remember? By accident.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've never heard of Boathouse Row.

[Bob Kelly]

You ever see an episode Always sunny in Philadelphia?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bob Kelly]

Then let me tell you something, my friend. You've seen Boathouse Row because they show it and sometimes in the beginning, then did not show. Right there. Boathouse Road looks like Santa's house. It's not, though. It's Boathouse Row. My right, that's 30th Street Station.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know where that is. That's what Keith dropped.

[Bob Kelly]

That's South Street.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's. That's where I got my tattoo. Yeah, the massage parlors are down there.

[Bob Kelly]

Some good ones, I'd say. Probably not the good ones.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. It was good to me. I mean, what's not good about any massage parlor place, right? Oh, nice massage. 40 minute deep tissue and then a little hand job. At the end.

[Bob Kelly]

And then I got the little love park.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's that? What's a love park?

[Bob Kelly]

Philadelphia's love park. Called the City of Brotherly Love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know that.

[Bob Kelly]

It's an iconic statue which is totally.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Against what the city is.

[Bob Kelly]

Look at the iconic stat. What are you talking about? We love brothers. They're great sports, dude. Philadelphia loves their brothers, all 52 of the Eagles.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That love thing, they have an Aruba, for God's sakes. They have it everywhere.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, but it's from Philly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a Philly thing.

[Bob Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Love.

[Bob Kelly]

Gilbert's City of Brotherly Love. The love statue for Love Park. The Statue of Liberty is also in Las Vegas. Not the Statue of Liberty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but it's. It's. It has the same feeling when you look at it.

[Bob Kelly]

When Matt Rife sold out the. The arena the other day, they gave him a little tiny liberty belt. But there's still an actual liberty belt.

[Michelle]

Dude, the things that he's getting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He got a fucking championship belt.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You see that? He's getting so many cool things.

[Bob Kelly]

I know. I feel like he's getting even more stuff than Shane because he's selling the same amount of tickets and better looking.

[Jacob]

It's like still the hot guy, still.

[Bob Kelly]

Wins a little bit more.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but here's the thing.

[Jacob]

Shane's killing it so hard, but they.

[Bob Kelly]

Just give Matt Rife a little bit more stuff because he's super handsome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But also Matt takes that home frames. It has a special room for it.

[Bob Kelly]

That's true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shane just leaves it.

[Bob Kelly]

No, Matt's doing the thing. He's doing like, the. Which, by the way, I'd worry I wouldn't do this because the way I would look in those things. But Matt does the. Every city he's in, he goes on stage in the city's jersey for the thing. Yeah, he's like the drummer from.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've Seen Shane right there.

[Bob Kelly]

It's a very famous thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shane will just leave. They'll come in with, like, a custom, something for Shane made for that arena. And it'd be like, how am I gonna get that home? And he just takes the zins and leaves the gift. Yeah. Ship that to me.

[Bob Kelly]

That's so funny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that is a. I would take it, though. I would take everything I love.

[Bob Kelly]

I mean, the jerseys are all pretty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jerseys are good.

[Bob Kelly]

But you could find the other picture. If you look up Philadelphia sports heroes looking at art museum picture, first of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All, anything that anybody's ever given me, like a. A place, it's never fit And I don't. I don't even like it. I don't even get the. I don't even get the staff photo at most of these places.

[Bob Kelly]

I do staff photos for sure. I haven't been presented with too much. I do love tell you something. I know it's just like they're forced to do it basically. But it's nice touch the. The Bark Entertainment clubs that give you the card at the end of the month.

[Michelle]

What is it?

[Bob Kelly]

Or the end of the week, they give you a card that the whole staff like signs and writes a little note to you like, thanks for the weekend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got that at the. In was at the Comedy on State.

[Bob Kelly]

They do that there too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a good.

[Bob Kelly]

Nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that is a good. I do like that.

[Bob Kelly]

Can you just acknowledge you like this picture? I mean, black and white with the red and then that's. On the other side is Rolling Stones, Wu Tang and Madonna posters.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that yours?

[Bob Kelly]

What? That your photo that I took.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You had. No, I know you don't take photos. Is that in your house?

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

No, it's the hallway.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. No, it's nice.

[Bob Kelly]

Did you find the other picture?

[Louis]

No, I found a similar one, but I'm not finding the exact one.

[Bob Kelly]

Then I got.

[Louis]

I'm trying to find.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Doesn't Chicago have that love thing too?

[Bob Kelly]

No, they're stupid. They kill each other out there. No brother. No brotherly love out there. Dude. They don't love their brothers. And the brothers kill each other in the south side at a record pace. That's basically the picture sort of is. It's like that. It's the art museum.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How did Philly. How did the Eagles do this weekend?

[Bob Kelly]

Take out the word painting. Huh?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How'd the Eagles do this weekend?

[Bob Kelly]

Terrible. The whole season's done. Yeah, it's falling apart. No one likes each other. Patriots first place and they're losers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Patriots first place out of all the teams in the league.

[Bob Kelly]

Also, if Christine wasn't with me. We took Dawkins to the top of the Rocky steps this weekend so she could go up there and be Rocky. She seemed to care more about the art museum than the. She really is Rocky's kid. She cared about the museum far more than looking at the museum than giving shit about the stupid statue.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it? But I heard they moved the statue. It's not at the top anymore.

[Bob Kelly]

I don't know which ones, but you look that up. Actually, one of them is a replica. Well, they took two. No, no, I. I've never seen this before. Except this time, because I. I always know it's next to the steps, down low, and that's where people go to see it. And I go. And when they do the movie, they put at the top of the steps.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was always.

[Bob Kelly]

There was one top? No, no, not always the top. They do that just for the movies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought the original one was at the top, and then they recently, in the last few years, moved it.

[Bob Kelly]

They may have left at the top after the movie, after Part three for a while, but it got moved. It was always outside the Spectrum in Philadelphia, the concert hall where the Sixers played. It was out there just next to the arena in a little area. And then when they knocked down the Spectrum, they moved it over to the art museum next to the steps. When they did that last Rocky, they put it back at the top of the steps, but then it lives at the bottom. But now there's one both.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God, this song makes me want to do better in life. I vamped, so every time I hear it, I want to just start writing.

[Bob Kelly]

Makes you want to overcome a bunch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of things right now.

[Bob Kelly]

Can I tell you, if I was alone on those Rocky steps, I went into the. There's a Rocky store at the bottom of the steps.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ooh.

[Bob Kelly]

And they have Italian Stallion robes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God. Why didn't you get one?

[Bob Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I almost bought the tiger jacket, satin jacket.

[Bob Kelly]

They got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I came very close to buying that.

[Bob Kelly]

They got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They got it.

[Bob Kelly]

They got little punchable Dragos and Rockies. They've got great shirt. They have a shirt with the original poster. It looks like it's a. Like, you. Like you bought merch for the Rocky Apollo Creed bicentennial showdown.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's cool.

[Bob Kelly]

Just the regular shirts with his face on and stuff. You could buy the Rocky hat. You could buy a bunch of, you know, just actual baseball hats. But the Italian Stallion robe was calling me a little bit. I was gonna go back and get.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It, but I did not get that. For the summer, when you come up.

[Bob Kelly]

To the pool, we're an Italian Stallion robe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that'd be hot.

[Bob Kelly]

It's so yellow and ugly, but it's so cool.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do like the Rocky 2 hat. Remember the hats? The merch they were selling when he was doing the. Is that the two? Right when he. He did it at the hotel. And they were selling hats. Paulie was selling the hats.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Training, getting ready for fight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Paulie was the original J. Davis for Rocky.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, wait a second. So what's going on?

[Louis]

So there's Been one that's been at the base forever. That's like the. But then there's.

[Bob Kelly]

That's the replica.

[Louis]

I believe that's a replica. And now Stallone's donated his original. But there's also another replica now at the Philadelphia airport. So there's three in Philly.

[Bob Kelly]

Which one's his?

[Louis]

They're saying the one that's at the top of the stairs.

[Bob Kelly]

Top of the stairs is his. No shit. Oh, wow. Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But the one at the top.

[Bob Kelly]

So that's the original now, but that wasn't the one that was used all the time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But in the movie they had the one at the top of the stairs that he threw his helmet at.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he broke his helmet.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

That seems to scare me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When he. When he threw the helmet.

[Bob Kelly]

I don't know. How old was I when Rocky 3 came out? Because I will say when I watched it. I love that movie. Movie 18, but it's scary. But the way the music changes in that scene. Go to Rocky throws helmet at us to listen to the music for it. It's. It scared me. I don't know why I didn't like the scene. It used to make me nervous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. I miss them putting, like.

[Bob Kelly]

He goes. And the music kind of goes with it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They don't do music anymore for movies like that.

[Bob Kelly]

Like scoring.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not like great orchestra score.

[Bob Kelly]

They do. They make a big deal about it when it's like with like that stupid movie with Natalie Portman. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But they use, like, songs now. More. That's so sad. It bums me out there. They could just move that right when cut. And they just take that dumb statue and put it somewhere.

[Bob Kelly]

The Dawkins not care that she was standing right there at this moment.

[Louis]

It's really windy.

[Christine]

I've dreamed of recreating the scene.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like that.

[Christine]

Going in on a Harley and throwing a helmet at it, buddy.

[Bob Kelly]

Now I want to get a motorcycle with the Italian Stallion logo on it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob would do that.

[Bob Kelly]

Here it is. This would scare the out of me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob would throw the helmet at it every week. No, that would scare you.

[Bob Kelly]

It scared the out. I didn't like it. I was like, well, Rocky's evil or bad or something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's so funny that they were to come out.

[Louis]

You were 82.

[Bob Kelly]

I was five. It's okay.

[Louis]

Yeah, it's okay.

[Bob Kelly]

Don't call me gay. I was like 6. I probably should have been drinking in Rocky 3.

[Jacob]

They killed his manager.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nobody called you gay aloud.

[Bob Kelly]

I know. We were thinking it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course, we were also I've been thinking that ever since I joined the bonfire.

[Bob Kelly]

Can I tell you something? I got something in my head that's been.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I just say one thing, though? How lucky is it they didn't do a statue in the first movie? Just chubby Rocky.

[Bob Kelly]

I know, I know. That would suck him, by the way. I've always thought that. I go, remember he was chubby in part one. By the way I talk about him being chubby in part one. I would murder for his body in part one. Right now he's actually in shape. He's just like, not shredded.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that would be a shitty statue to have to look at for the rest of your life.

[Bob Kelly]

Fucking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You want me get chubby?

[Bob Kelly]

Be a bouncer body.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Question for this. When he throws the statue, am I to understand? Because I understood. Did he ride his motorcycle up the steps?

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Now there's a way.

[Bob Kelly]

Not very steep.

[Christine]

I know, but nobody bothered him. He just rode us Harley up.

[Bob Kelly]

It's fucking Rocky.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's Rocky. But it would be weird to hear just Rocky going.

[Bob Kelly]

But I will tell. And Christine can back this up. I do love. This is a. This is one of those, like, wins for Philly where you're like, trash always wins out there. I know they got a nice art culture now and a fancy foods and fine dining there now, but it's still pure garbage place at all. The we. First of all, we had Oregon steaks 500 times.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So good.

[Bob Kelly]

You miss it so much.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So good. We had a.

[Louis]

We had a Thanksgiving night night cap of Oregon steak.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was the fattest thing I've ever heard. But the greatest thing ever. You got cheesesteaks on Thanksgiving night.

[Bob Kelly]

Cheese steak?

[Louis]

Yeah, we just shared one. I didn't eat. I didn't eat the whole half.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Doesn't matter. What a great move. Most people have a turkey sandwich late tonight. You guys said it.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah, well, we couldn't take home leftovers. Leftovers from that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why can't you take home leftovers?

[Bob Kelly]

There wasn't much, first of all. Yeah, there also wasn't a lot of leftovers. And I have a family of broke siblings. You bring on the turkey. Guys. Everything's gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What were you gonna say? You were. You said you had something to say.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, yeah. It's about Philly being trash.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's trash.

[Bob Kelly]

But no, it wasn't. But it was more about the trash winning. Oh, the top of the art museum steps. Christine could attest to this. No one's going to that museum. But there's 300 people there to run up the stairs and take a picture with Rocky statue.

[Louis]

There's a line.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bob Kelly]

There's no picture of Dawkins with Rocky statue because it was so windy. And there was an actual line to see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To take a picture with the Rocky statue. Yeah, that's up.

[Bob Kelly]

Self imposed. There's no line.

[Christine]

You ran up.

[Bob Kelly]

I walk. I was in boots. I walked up. Fair enough. But I did go up them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have you run up?

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, a thousand times.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A thousand times, yeah. And did you put your arms over your head?

[Bob Kelly]

I did that when I walked up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah. I don't give a. You get the top of the stairs, you're gonna do it. You can still the. Maybe still talking. He goes, and after this, we should probably go to Papa John's and just grab like. I mean, we know what it is, right? I know it'd be the best pizza, but at least we know we're there and we're getting right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They should have that music playing the whole time up there.

[Bob Kelly]

It really should.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They should just have it on speakers, outdoor speakers.

[Bob Kelly]

That song really should. I mean, Geno's was blaring fucking Mexicans go home music for two years. Top of the fucking Geno's when Gino's got hit with like, the order in English or get out of here. And they were like. And they were like, you can't say that. And they just doubled down. They're like, sure, we can. Yeah, order in English, get the fuck out of here. And if you're just gonna sit here, you're gonna listen to the same five patriotic songs over and over again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not only that, we're crazy. We're gonna have to. Stickers made. Yeah, I'm gonna stick them right on the window.

[Bob Kelly]

Right on the window. Order in English or beat it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it may have said order in.

[Bob Kelly]

English or get out of the country. They doubled, right. Hey, by the way, it didn't slow business for fives. Everyone was like, you guys, so. But it did make me proud to be a Pats guy. I'm like, yeah, I was always Pats anyway around.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wonder if they still have my photo up there.

[Bob Kelly]

Pats or Geno's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Genos, maybe.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wonder if they still have. Look, one day we should go there.

[Bob Kelly]

We should look one day. There we are. Couple steps. Jersey came in real handy a few hours later when the Eagles had their season basically ended emotionally.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow, what a game.

[Christine]

Why? How's the season over? Aren't they in first?

[Bob Kelly]

No place in there in the NFC East.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but it's over. Mathematically, it's done.

[Bob Kelly]

It's not even. It's not even sort of done mathematically. Mathematically, it's all ahead of them, but locker room wise, it's falling to pieces.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Spiritually, it's over. Pat's Casey lost. Pat's number one.

[Bob Kelly]

Saquon Barkley had one of his biggest games at 50 yards this year where he was getting like 200 yard games regularly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you see the.

[Bob Kelly]

Oh, it's going so bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you see that guy that was screaming at the end of the game? Oh, man.

[Bob Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's the thing. At any moment I was like, this guy's going to catch a beating. And nobody beat the out of him. No, nobody him up. I thought he'd be up in two seconds. Nobody this guy up until he's changed, bro. Philly has changed.

[Bob Kelly]

It's the bonfire.

[Michelle]

We've all been there. You hold on to a coupon, but forget about it and suddenly it's expired.

[Bob Kelly]

Expired in 2012.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dang it.

[Michelle]

Fortunately, by switching to Geico, you could save about 900 on car insurance without ever touching a coupon.

[Bob Kelly]

It feels good to save big. It feels good to Geico.

[Babs]

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[Christine]

Com.