The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: "Boathouse Row"
Date: January 9, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode finds Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly diving deep into their trademark blend of blunt humor, storytelling, and unfiltered banter. After their Thanksgiving break, they swap stories about family holiday traditions, comedic reflections on New York and Philly life, house projects, iconic Philly landmarks, and the peculiar joys and disputes around Christmas and sports. The conversation veers between the hilarious and the heartfelt, colored by the regulars' irreverence and camaraderie.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening: Christmas in New York and Times Square Humor

Timestamp: 01:02 - 04:20

• The show opens with Bob lamenting the overplayed yet nostalgia-inducing "Empire State of Mind" during the holidays in Manhattan.
• The crew riffs on NYC’s tourist chaos, including pedicab drivers, street hawkers, and the everyday grind for locals.
• Notable quote:
  • "Don't you hear the song New York Concrete jungle where dreams are made of… there's nothing you can't do…" – Jacob (02:49)
• Reminiscing about arriving in NYC and juxtaposing it with current jadedness.

2. Thanksgiving Recaps: Family, Tiny Houses, and Traditions

Timestamp: 04:20 - 13:05

• Big Jay recounts Thanksgiving at Uncle Jimmy’s compound, highlighting the coziness of the glass house, mountainside views, and no-politics cigars/bourbon nights.
• Max (Jay's kid) falls ill, leading to riffs on parental care, health scares, and isolation in a tiny house.
• Bob reflects on splitting time between Philly gigs and Thanksgiving at his mom’s, debating whether to forge his own family traditions.
• Comedically, they explore hypothetical "trans bathroom" rules for holiday gatherings:
  • "Now your bathrooms are open to everybody… You really opened a Pandora's box there." – Bob Kelly (13:05)

3. Holiday Parties, Electricians, and Household Upgrades

Timestamp: 15:54 - 19:18

• The duo discusses hosting Christmas parties, last-minute planning, and the recurring saga of their unreliable “black electrician.”
• Christine’s exasperating customer service call about their new pre-lit Christmas tree provides comedic fodder.
  • "Christine, tell that black electrician we're gonna have him do our outside lighting and all the heating stuff. And then he came over late as shit…" – Bob Kelly (16:33)
  • "Is that Christine? Is that a phone call with Christine and him?" – Big Jay Oakerson (18:07)

4. Christmas Trees, Candles, and Fake vs. Real Debate

Timestamp: 19:18 - 24:51

• The group debates the value of real vs. artificial Christmas trees, buying high-end “forever” products, and scented candles to fake a pine smell.
• Bob misuses "endometriosis" instead of "diverticulitis," leading to infectious comedic confusion.
  • "Dog gets endometriosis from swollen pine needles." – Bob Kelly (19:48)
• Enthusiastic descriptions of programmable, color-changing Christmas trees and apps, along with complaints about “demo mode” defaults.

5. Frustrations with Customer Support and Product Choices

Timestamp: 24:51 - 30:10

• Christine’s battle with an unhelpful Indian call center agent is recounted, highlighting the agony of product troubleshooting.
  • "'I'm trying to bring joy to the neighborhood through my bay window!'" – Jacob (27:04, channeling Christine's frustration)
• Bob and Jay bemoan the difficulty of finding quality outdoor TVs and pool basketball hoops, and the inevitable disappointment with convoluted instructions and poor design.

6. Poolside Basketball, House Mods, and Backyard Hopes

Timestamp: 30:11 - 38:40

• The pitfalls of pool basketball—broken “breakaway” rims, assembly mishaps, and the desire for authentic fun.
  • "I punched like it was a person." – Bob Kelly (29:17, on bad pool equipment)
• Brainstorming realistic options for installing basketball hoops given their driveways, yards, and family play styles.
• Jay’s memory of bullying in sports and how redhead kids were feared in Boston, launching into a spontaneous redhead tough-guy mythos.

7. Sports, Childhood, and Regional Rivalries

Timestamp: 38:40 - 43:01

• Discussion of neighborhood sports versus organized leagues, hierarchy on the field, and reminiscing about bullying by a redhead named Bob Kelly.
• Quick detour into the cultural significance (or lack thereof) of rowing landmarks like Boathouse Row in Philly versus Boston's boathouses.

8. Philadelphia Icons: Boathouse Row, Love Park, and Rocky

Timestamp: 43:02 - 54:59

• Bob introduces "Boathouse Row" as the subject of a new piece of art in his home, puzzled that Jay (a Philadelphian) isn't familiar with it.
  • "You don’t have to be from Philly to know what Boathouse Row is!" – Bob Kelly (43:05)
• Light-hearted bickering over which city’s landmarks are more iconic, and the endemic Philly pride in Love Park and the Rocky statue.
• Reflections on the tourist ritual of running up the Philadelphia Museum steps, and the enduring lines for Rocky photo-ops.
• Sly digs at how Philly’s “trashiness” always wins out culturally over “high art” and how the city embraces its own lore.
  • "No one's going to that museum. But there's 300 people there to run up the stairs and take a picture with Rocky statue." – Bob Kelly (56:32)

9. Philly, Food, and Sports Despair

Timestamp: 54:59 - 59:19

• The group swaps late-night cheesesteak stories and derides Philly’s "scrappy" charm.
• The Eagles’ season collapse is dissected, with locker room drama, disappointments, and the passionate highs and lows of being a Philly sports fan.
  • "Spiritually, it’s over." – Big Jay Oakerson (58:55)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On NYC Christmas Chaos:
  "I only hear [this song] every second from the second I cross over a tunnel or bridge into Manhattan… But I started to miss it, so I said, let’s start the show with it." – Bob Kelly (01:02)
• On Crossing the “Trans Bridge” for Holidays:
  "Let’s cross the trans bridge. Okay, now you’re going to invite—of course I get the invite, right?" – Big Jay Oakerson (09:43)
• On Customer Service Fails:
  "When I leave, she’s talking to the most Indian woman ever… who is unfamiliar with this product completely." – Bob Kelly (26:35)
• On Philly Landmarks:
  "You don’t have to be from Philly to know what Boathouse Row is!" – Bob Kelly (43:05)
  "Boathouse Row is not a famous thing." – Big Jay Oakerson (44:09)
• On Rocky Culture:
  "No one's going to that museum. But there's 300 people there to run up the stairs and take a picture with Rocky statue." – Bob Kelly (56:32)
• On Philly Pride and Grit:
  "But it did make me proud to be a Pats guy. I’m like, yeah, I was always Pats anyway around." – Bob Kelly (58:15)
• On Eagles’ Season Collapse:
  "Spiritually, it’s over." – Big Jay Oakerson (58:55)

Key Timestamps for Segment Highlights

• 01:02 – Opening on NYC Christmas music and Manhattan laments
• 04:20 – Thanksgiving stories and glass house adventures
• 13:05 – Comedic riffing on transgender bathroom policies
• 16:33 – The black electrician saga
• 19:18 – The real vs. fake Christmas tree debate
• 24:51 – Customer service madness with Indian call centers
• 29:17 – Bob’s pool basketball fit of rage
• 38:40 – Jay’s “redhead bully” stories and Boston rivalry
• 43:02 – Boathouse Row and local landmark smack talk
• 54:59 – Philly’s art museum steps, Rocky tourists, and city pride
• 58:55 – Eagles’ “spiritually over” season and sports heartbreak

Tone and Style

True to The Bonfire’s brand, the episode swings between irreverent, off-the-cuff banter, caustic city pride, and loving ridicule of everything from family traditions to home improvement woes. The mood is playful but biting, never letting a straight story go undisturbed by a punchline or self-deprecating aside. Both hosts leverage their rich stand-up backgrounds to turn everyday frustrations and nostalgia into a running comedic dialogue.

For new listeners:
This episode is a perfect sampler of The Bonfire’s comedic chemistry—irreverent, personal, and always ready to roast (themselves and each other). Whether you’re Philly, Boston, or somewhere in between, Big Jay and Bob Kelly’s raw humor and storyteller’s touch make for a consistently engaging hour.