Bonfire Holiday Spectacular Live In NYC

Summary

Podcast Summary: Bonfire Holiday Spectacular Live In NYC

Introduction and Setting (01:14) The Bonfire Holiday Spectacular kicks off live from the Village Underground in New York City, with hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly welcoming listeners to a festive and humorous evening. The atmosphere is set with cheeky banter and an array of colorful characters ready to entertain.

Holiday Costume Banter (02:01 - 04:05) The hosts dive into a lively discussion about their holiday attire, opting to dress as "chunky elves." This segment is filled with playful ribbing about their costumes and physical appearances.

• Christine Evans jokes about her belt modifications: “I had a baby stomach belt.”
• Colin Quinn adds humor about his own costume adjustments: “Mine's so long, I had to peg it like a 90210.”

Their camaraderie shines as they tease each other about belt sizes, costume choices, and the practicality of their elf outfits, creating an engaging and relatable start to the show.

The Pivins and Pivots (09:14 - 14:20) A humorous segment introduces the concept of "Pivins" and "Pivots," a playful exchange of tokens among the hosts.

• Colin Quinn explains: “We started divvying out pivins and Bobby, I guess look in the nature of giving.”
• Christine Evans responds: “I can't feel my dick right now.”

This playful interaction underscores the show's irreverent humor and the hosts' chemistry, setting the tone for the ensuing festivities.

Game Show: Who Knows Bobby Best (28:40 - 75:25) The heart of the spectacular is a game show titled "Who Knows Bobby Best," hosted by Jake Patat, featuring Big Jay Oakerson, Santa Claus (portrayed by Colin Quinn), and Christine Evans as contestants. The game revolves around personal trivia about Bobby Kelly, with questions ranging from humorous to outrageous.

• Round One (35:22 - 44:17): Participants answer questions about Bobby's habits and past antics.

  • Colin Quinn confidently answers: “B. Own podcast studio.”
  • Christine Evans humorously selects: “E. All of the above,” highlighting the show's penchant for absurdity.

• Santa Claus Interaction (53:00 - 78:32): Colin Quinn, as Santa Claus, brings a unique flair, adding mock-serious commentary and interacting comedically with other hosts.

  • Santa Claus wittily remarks: “Ralphie may did a fine tribute to the Native American people. Got him in a little hot water for a minute.”
  • Christine Evans interjects humorously about personal experiences: “I had one Jew.”

The game progresses through multiple rounds, featuring satirical questions and playful jabs, ultimately crowning Big Jay Oakerson as the winner.

Notable Quotes and Highlights:

• Colin Quinn on trial interactions: “Do you wanna let him stay the whole time every show?”
• Christine Evans on costume humor: “We do look adorable.”
• Santa Claus on event logistics: “Things are pretty crazy. You know, they got the drones. They're from China and so are my toys, so it all works out.”

Final Rounds and Conclusion (75:25 - 83:15) As the game show wraps up, Big Jay Oakerson and Colin Quinn engage in a humorous showdown, culminating in creative and comedic answers that keep the audience entertained.

• Christine Evans delivers a poignant yet funny remark: “Patrice O'Neal in heaven…”
• Colin Quinn responds with sharp wit: “I have 5% holdings of Punchup Live, 10% stake in True Classic T-shirts, and 10% of Bobby's heart.”

The show concludes with festive song-like banter and acknowledgments, ensuring listeners leave with smiles and holiday cheer.

Closing Remarks and Outro (83:15 - End) The hosts thank the audience for joining the Bonfire Holiday Spectacular, expressing gratitude and holiday wishes. The final moments are filled with laughter, playful chants, and heartfelt goodbyes, encapsulating the spirit of camaraderie and festivity.

• Christine Evans signs off warmly: “Merry Christmas, everybody. Thanks for coming out.”
• Colin Quinn adds: “We know to chime in. Chime in for the drummer parts.”

Final Thoughts The "Bonfire Holiday Spectacular Live In NYC" episode is a masterful blend of humor, camaraderie, and holiday spirit. Big Jay Oakerson, Robert Kelly, and their ensemble cast deliver a memorable and engaging experience, filled with sharp wit, playful banter, and festive cheer. Notable for its lively interactions and comedic brilliance, this special episode is a delight for both regular listeners and newcomers seeking a hearty dose of holiday humor.

Transcript

[Robert Kelly]

How do you make an Airbnb a vrbo? Imagine trying to get your four best friends to agree on the perfect vacation house. Aisha wants spacious. Abby wants a cowboy tub, and Sophia keeps sharing one that's not available that weekend. Now imagine you have a property comparison tool that makes it easy to compare different houses. Suddenly, four friends who can't agree on an appetizer quickly agree on the perfect house for their trip. Because now it's. It's a verbo. Wish it was simpler to plan a vacation. Make it a vrbo.

[Big J Okerson]

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[Christine Evans]

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[Colin Quinn]

Ooh.

[Big J Okerson]

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[Colin Quinn]

And now the bonfire holiday Spectacular. Live from the Village Underground in New York.

[Christine Evans]

What's up, everybody?

[Colin Quinn]

Merry Christmas. Welcome, everybody, to the whateverth annual one so far. Damn. This was a great idea when I brought it up. Stone to all of you guys. Late night.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, we have to learn to say no to you.

[Colin Quinn]

You were just watching me smoke pot on a zoom call and going, we should do dress like elves. And everyone's like, that'll be great. Is it all right?

[Christine Evans]

How come I got my belt doesn't fit?

[Colin Quinn]

Did you have to make a hole?

[Christine Evans]

I had to make a hole.

[Colin Quinn]

Come on.

[Christine Evans]

Look at your belt. That's an Ozempic belt, Mounjaro. I have a baby stomach belt.

[Colin Quinn]

Should we change belts?

[Christine Evans]

No, we can't change belts if we're not.

[Colin Quinn]

Mine's so long, I had to peg it like a 90210. Do I like the Motley Crue album cover?

[Christine Evans]

I had to have the dishwasher in the back stick a hole in mine.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, let me tell you guys, for those of you listening, everybody, this is the great Robert Kelly. I'm Big J Okerson.

[Christine Evans]

Big J Elkerson, everybody. Give it up for Elf El Fulkerson.

[Colin Quinn]

Big Elf Hogerson.

[Christine Evans]

Can I just say something right now?

[Colin Quinn]

Sure.

[Christine Evans]

We do look adorable. These.

[Colin Quinn]

We are adorable.

[Christine Evans]

And we're way too comfortable in public. We're just outside hanging with Keith Robinson, drinking Diet Coke, smoking.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, we're not dressed like two guys who would spit roast your wife. That's right.

[Christine Evans]

I don't even know what spit. Oh, I do. That's disgusting.

[Colin Quinn]

Bobby, you love sex and you love food. How do you not know what this means? It's the best way to cook. And pigs.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, but I don't do either anymore.

[Colin Quinn]

How dare you? Oh, we have our amazing, amazing crew here. As always, everybody. In no particular order, we have our very, very handsome and lovely. Where's he at? He's adorable. Black Lou, everybody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

[Christine Evans]

Where is he?

[Colin Quinn]

Back here.

[DJ Lou]

I'm smiling.

[Christine Evans]

He's in the back over there. Lou is over there.

[Colin Quinn]

So adorable.

[Christine Evans]

He said the Cowboys suck. It's Christmas face.

[Colin Quinn]

They do suck, though. But he's not wrong. He just laying out facts. That's why Lou's. That's why his antlers are sagging low. Because the Cowboys suck.

[DJ Lou]

They really do.

[Christine Evans]

Eagles.

[Colin Quinn]

You don't mean that.

[Christine Evans]

I don't.

[Colin Quinn]

Bobby. What's the Patriots score?

[Christine Evans]

Go? You know what? It's.

[Colin Quinn]

That's this week. What was it?

[Christine Evans]

You know what? You're getting nothing for Christmas. Let's give it over here. The great, amazing DJ Lou Rudolph. Put your nose on. Where's your nose? I will not moan and I will.

[Robert Kelly]

Not make fart noises.

[Christine Evans]

Get hard. What are you supposed to do? Suck your dick for an hour? When's the last time you've been to church?

[Jacob Patat]

My.

[Colin Quinn]

Dj, Lou.

[Christine Evans]

That nose stays on the whole show, Lou. We told you.

[Santa Claus]

Painful.

[Colin Quinn]

Of course. Everybody. We have the queen of the bonfire. You know, when you love her, everybody. She is my very own Christine Evans, everybody.

[Christine Evans]

She's over there in the dark. Can't see her because she's wearing all black as usual.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christine Evans]

And of course we have the amazing Jacob Patat.

[Colin Quinn]

Whoo.

[Christine Evans]

Look how excited he is.

[Colin Quinn]

This is Jacob's moment every year.

[Christine Evans]

Hey, look, we have stage left. Hey, Melissa.

[Colin Quinn]

Hey, Melissa.

[Christine Evans]

That's. That's fucking her right there. Yeah, you're the one who got me fucking banged on Cameo with these assholes.

[Colin Quinn]

The den mother of the jerk parties. I came to find out. The jerk parties are when everybody hangs out on your Zoom.

[Christine Evans]

That was during the pandemic. We did a lot of weird shit. Not like now.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, but Melissa didn't like it implies that she watched you and a bunch of people masturbate on Zoom.

[Christine Evans]

No, we only had one fat guy masturbating on the. Because he thought it was a real jerk off party.

[Jake Pat]

And he just came.

[Colin Quinn]

He just came on already going.

[Christine Evans]

He came on Sideways had the camera to the left and he just was going like this.

[Colin Quinn]

Really?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. Hang on. My zins fell out of my costume.

[Colin Quinn]

What happened? Did you kick him out?

[Christine Evans]

We kicked him out, but as soon as we did it, we were like, what did we do that for?

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, you should have let him finish.

[Christine Evans]

We should have let him stay the whole time every show.

[Colin Quinn]

Could you imagine getting a several hundred person encouragement while you're whacking off? Yeah, dude, you got it. You're almost there. I see your thighs are shaking.

[Christine Evans]

He was naked too. And he was so fat.

[Colin Quinn]

He was fat.

[Christine Evans]

He was choed. He was definitely chod.

[Colin Quinn]

Can I tell you something, though? Just you saying that, though would have made that guy pop right there. This is exactly what he was looking for.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, the word chode is kind of hot. Yeah, he jerked off. I think that. Didn't we have another person too? Oh, Cami got naked. Yeah, she used to just show her boobs. That's it, man.

[Colin Quinn]

Bob, you get a lot of tit flashing in your life.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, I do.

[Colin Quinn]

My shows are all guys.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. Stop fucking hanging out with dudes.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, once in a while, they'll show me their dicks so we all feel better about our dicks. I'm like, oh, yeah. I guess this is what guys like us got right.

[Christine Evans]

I can't feel my dick right now.

[Colin Quinn]

This young lady here said she showed your cans in another show.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, she whipped out her cans at the show we did at the Paramount. Thank you very much. They're beautiful.

[Colin Quinn]

Yep, I was there. I got french kissed by three guys who look just like me. God damn it.

[Christine Evans]

Well, you gotta ask?

[Colin Quinn]

I didn't know Bobby Kelly brings the chicks, dude.

[Santa Claus]

Hell yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. Sexy Bobby comes out.

[Colin Quinn]

Bring the ladies.

[Christine Evans]

Thanks, sweetie.

[Colin Quinn]

Thanks, sweetie. We have a fucking amazing show lined up. Oh, by the way, as we're introducing our crew, I forgot maybe, quite possibly lately, the most important member of our crew. The Jeremy Piven flyer, everybody. That's right, everybody. The Jeremy pip. Bobby gets so upset. He wants to give out piven so bad, but he's crazy with it. I was gone one day and Bobby gave like 15. He gave him more pivins in one day. And how do you expect your people to follow you if you just give them whatever the fuck they want?

[Christine Evans]

They're walking all over you. I didn't know the power of the Piven, Something you have to ease into.

[Colin Quinn]

It's the power of you want to be liked. And I get that. I have to fight that very much too.

[Christine Evans]

What are we doing?

[Colin Quinn]

You Want everybody to like you. So maybe you'll do silly things like dress like fat elves.

[Christine Evans]

We're not fat elves. We're chunky elves.

[Colin Quinn]

No, no, no. Our elves were fat.

[Christine Evans]

I tell you this. Thank God for stomach surgery and Ozempic. We wouldn't have fit in these fucking.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, no shit, dude. We'd be getting fitted at a Big and Tall for fucking elf costumes. That sucks. Got an Italian with pins and a tape measure trying to get me fitted for a jerk off costume, for one thing. We'd have felt like fools.

[Jake Pat]

Could you explain the origin of the Pivens for us, Jay?

[Colin Quinn]

Jacob, could you say that in a man's voice?

[Jake Pat]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Jesus Christ, Jacob.

[Jake Pat]

I told you.

[Christine Evans]

An adorably young little boy, aren't you?

[Colin Quinn]

We just shut Jacob down for the whole show. He didn't like that one bit. But Jacob, if you got to hear back the audio.

[Christine Evans]

Trying to get Simple Jake and the boys back on.

[Jake Pat]

I'm just as God made me. Jay.

[Christine Evans]

What?

[Jake Pat]

I don't know.

[Christine Evans]

Don't panic. Now we have a whole show.

[Jake Pat]

Come on.

[Colin Quinn]

Can we turn his mic up? His mic's low.

[Christine Evans]

No, it's his fucking man.

[Jake Pat]

I think it's low.

[Christine Evans]

Grab your balls and say, Christine, shove.

[Colin Quinn]

A finger up his ass. Hang on, Jacob.

[Jake Pat]

I think my mic is. There we go. All right. No, no, it's much manlier now. Right now that you can hear it. You hear the bass?

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, dude, you're thumping.

[Jake Pat]

I was just saying maybe explain the origin of the Pivins.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, the origin of the Pivens.

[Christine Evans]

He wants context. Well, this Jim's here.

[Jake Pat]

Big Jim is here.

[Christine Evans]

Big Jim is here with a notepad and a pencil.

[Colin Quinn]

He's always watching Big Jim, the eye that sees all. Big Jim.

[Christine Evans]

Bobby, you gotta own the show. All right.

[Colin Quinn]

Yes. Try talking over, guys. If you guys don't explain what you're looking at, no one knows.

[Christine Evans]

Can I, Can I? Can I?

[Colin Quinn]

Well, he wants us to give context on the origin of the pivots.

[Christine Evans]

Go ahead, give the context.

[Colin Quinn]

Came into the show one day and Bob, it was the only day you were running a little bit late.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, I don't run late.

[Colin Quinn]

No, it never happens. And when we came.

[Christine Evans]

When I get stabbed. We came and I got stabbed.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, your snacks got stabbed.

[Christine Evans]

My. My Louis Vuitton got stabbed.

[Colin Quinn]

Your snacks. Your CVS bag of snack got stabbed.

[Christine Evans]

It was my Starbucks cheese platter.

[Colin Quinn]

You also had some almonds and it was in a CVS bag that did get slashed. But no one slashed your Louis Vuitton. Anything? Yes, you fucking Blocked it with your CVS snacks. And you were bummed about that.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, I was. Because it was the apples with the.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, you were like, I should have walked away. Now my apples are tainted. But when Bobby wasn't there, there was a stack of these outdated Jeremy Piven live stand up comedy flyers for a weekend that had already passed. A big old stack of them. And I took them and had the idea to take a basic worthless piece of paper even before the date. Maybe he might be hilarious. I have no idea.

[Christine Evans]

We're going to have him on.

[Colin Quinn]

Have more. God damn it.

[Jake Pat]

Did you ever wonder so much, do you ever wonder who he was passing them now to in the studio? Like, why bring them there?

[Christine Evans]

He was, he was actually on the. In front of his club passing them out, trying to get people in.

[Colin Quinn]

He was barking with a fake mustache. Jeremy Pippen, the guy from those movies. So they were sitting in the studio and then I said, let me. I wonder if I just put some incentive behind these pieces of pieces.

[Christine Evans]

You added value. You added value where there was no value whatsoever.

[Colin Quinn]

People will clamor for them. Not only that, and I understand this is the drunk that Bobby got when he gave it out. The fact that you're giving someone something so valueless and it moves them to a point of like, you see it. Like, I've seen Jacob's shoulders drop when he got one. Christine, I've never been lucky enough to see her face. She's never received a pivot from me. But Bobby just got her fucking all goosed up.

[Christine Evans]

I felt bad for Christine. I wanted to give her a hope.

[Colin Quinn]

I know. I came home from that weekend, she had her high powered vibrator plugged in. The one that plugs in.

[Christine Evans]

She's not gonna get a child, but maybe she'll get a piven.

[Colin Quinn]

You should cherish it the same. So we started divvying out pivens and Bobby, I guess look in the, in the nature of giving.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

I'm gonna give you a stack some pivins and then you have the power, if you can control yourself to see. I believe your face is genuine. You just gotta be. Make them earn it a little bit.

[Christine Evans]

You feel like Jamie Foxx. Jay, I really appreciate this.

[Colin Quinn]

It's a lot of responsibility.

[Christine Evans]

I know it's a response.

[Colin Quinn]

And they're numbered. So don't give them at all. Crazy.

[Christine Evans]

I won't. I won't. I. I've learned my lesson. I understand the value of a pivot and, and I really appreciate you doing this right now. I love you. Man.

[Colin Quinn]

Merry Christmas, buddy. Merry Christmas.

[Christine Evans]

Here, show us your tits. Show us your kids.

[Colin Quinn]

Give her all.

[Christine Evans]

Just whip a tit out. No, seriously.

[Colin Quinn]

You just gave her them before she showed her tit. You're supposed to. Yeah, why would there.

[Christine Evans]

No one's I up.

[Colin Quinn]

That was all of the pivots. Now she's dipping them out for nothing.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, show us your penis.

[Colin Quinn]

Give me the goddamn things. All right, now you lost the. That's crazy. You didn't even keep one in case somebody wanted to show their dick after.

[Christine Evans]

Did it for you.

[Colin Quinn]

Gave away all of your bargaining chips.

[Christine Evans]

Look at them now.

[Colin Quinn]

They have tit all over them. That might raise the value. It might lower the value. I don't know, depending where you're from. That's crazy. But, Miss, here, I'll give you a pivot for giving the pivens back. One piven.

[Christine Evans]

But. But they're numbered. And you have to give them back at the end of the show. That's the fucking rule of the pivot.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, sorry. The pivot always goes back. You start every day at zero pivens.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. These are all the pivins we have. And all he had, too.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. You can't keep coming in pivot rich with a fucking shitty attitude. We got a show to do. The pivins start new every day. Miss, your titties have earned one pivin. You see, Bobby, you gotta put your foot down a little bit.

[Christine Evans]

I'm trying.

[Colin Quinn]

Give out one pivot, but over. Explain why you're not taking. No. Can you do it?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, I'll try. Not you.

[Colin Quinn]

I swear to God in my life, I thought you were gonna just give it to him because he did this. I was.

[Christine Evans]

I was very close because.

[Santa Claus]

I know.

[Colin Quinn]

I thought you thought about it. You looked at him. You looked at the pivot. You looked at him in the pivot.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, it looks like a father figured. No, dude, I've always wanted a dad. Jay. No.

[Colin Quinn]

Dude.

[Christine Evans]

You got cookies. I don't take random cookies. Wait, is that an old lady? Shannon. Yeah. I'll take a cookie from you. Come on up, Shannon. One piven for Bobby. 75 cookie.

[Colin Quinn]

No, no, Bobby, you try the cookie.

[Christine Evans]

And then you give it.

[Colin Quinn]

Let's see if it's pivot worthy.

[Christine Evans]

Let me see if it's pivot worthy.

[Colin Quinn]

I mean, this guy. What's the point of these things?

[Christine Evans]

You're right. You're right. I'm gonna try the cookie.

[Colin Quinn]

Swallow it first, you animal. You get so excited someone gives you the gift of food.

[Christine Evans]

Dude, I haven't a cookie in, like, four months.

[Colin Quinn]

Dude, I've watched you eat cookies in the last four days. You're lying to yourself.

[Christine Evans]

You're a fat rat.

[Colin Quinn]

Ra.

[Christine Evans]

How dare you fucking do that in front of the crowd?

[Colin Quinn]

I'll be honest with you.

[Christine Evans]

Do it. They didn't see me do it. You eat late at night in your room by yourself.

[Colin Quinn]

Bobby, that affected me so profoundly. I really feel bad that I did that.

[Christine Evans]

That fucking hurt, man.

[Colin Quinn]

I didn't like that.

[Santa Claus]

I did it.

[Colin Quinn]

I saw your face right away. What's wrong with you?

[Christine Evans]

I'll give you a cookie.

[Colin Quinn]

So sweet. I haven't had one of these in, like, a year.

[Christine Evans]

You make the cookies with me. She said you had them in March, you fatso.

[Colin Quinn]

Bobby.

[Christine Evans]

But no, wait, no, don't tell me to give the pivot, because that's you giving the pivot. Jay. I'm giving a pivot.

[Colin Quinn]

Bobby. Bobby, wait. You gotta give the whole rap. You gotta. You can't just.

[Christine Evans]

But I chewed a zin with the cookie.

[Colin Quinn]

Ew.

[Christine Evans]

I thought it was a mint chocolate chip. Yeah, I'll take another. Now, listen, now, that piven is for you on this show. We're taking the pivot back at the end of the show. Enjoy your pivin. Hold your pivin. Love your pivin while you have it. But at the end of the show. What's going on?

[Colin Quinn]

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.

[Christine Evans]

Am I going too far?

[Colin Quinn]

No, no. Just be like. Show off the pivot. You let people know.

[Christine Evans]

Go to the table. Let people see. Show people around you the pivot.

[Colin Quinn]

Don't show him.

[Big J Okerson]

Peacock a little.

[Christine Evans]

Steal it. Now walk back to your table. Enjoy your pivot. Sweetie, thank you for the cookie. Merry Christmas. Thank you. Here. Here's a cookie. Show me your boobs.

[Colin Quinn]

I met both these two outside. I didn't know they were a couple.

[Christine Evans]

How do you know they were a couple? No, I'm talking about the same shirt on.

[Colin Quinn]

I'm talking about tits. Oh, the guy, too. Yeah, that's a guy. Yes. You son of a. I thought it.

[Christine Evans]

Was an ugly Florida. What the. What is that? What is that? What is that?

[Colin Quinn]

Sounds like Santa Claus.

[Christine Evans]

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for All S. Nick. Wow, you're looking.

[Colin Quinn]

Will this.

[Christine Evans]

Santa Claus. Everybody give it up to Santa Claus.

[Santa Claus]

Oh. Oh. I laugh because I want to cry. Santa's tortured life. You don't know about it.

[Christine Evans]

You look pretty pimping Santa. I mean, this.

[Santa Claus]

Thank you so much.

[Christine Evans]

This isn't the actual Santa outfit. I mean.

[Santa Claus]

Well, it's a new Santa outfit. I figure we're all doing Our thing. You know what I mean?

[Colin Quinn]

No. Me and Bobby dressed up like.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

You look so cool.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, you're just like Hugh Hefner.

[Santa Claus]

Well, Santa's got to represent, you know?

[Christine Evans]

Santa, how are you this year? How's things going?

[Santa Claus]

Well, this year things are. Things are pretty crazy. You know, they got. You got the. The drones. That's a big. That kind of gets in my way a little bit. They are. They are from China and so are my toys, so it all works out.

[Christine Evans]

I thought you had elves make you toys.

[Santa Claus]

A lot of supply chain issues going on from company. I call them elves, but they're actually. Yeah. 12 year old kids in. Outside of Beijing.

[Colin Quinn]

Undocumented elves.

[Christine Evans]

Yes, they're the size of elves. So what else is going on this year, Santa?

[Santa Claus]

Well, I mean, you know, a lot of. A lot of important stories going on, I guess. I didn't know we were going to do this, but.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, Santa, are you worried about the drones? Because Bobby seems to believe they're everything from aliens to trying to find a nuclear bomb in the Paramus Mall.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah, well, like I said, I'm. I'm brushing up against him a lot in Jersey. A lot of people in Jersey will not be getting gifts this year. But not because of the drones. Just because that's gonna be a thing.

[Colin Quinn]

Skip it.

[Christine Evans]

Guess where he's moving to?

[Santa Claus]

Where?

[Colin Quinn]

Jersey.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, what?

[Santa Claus]

Exit. As we say in the North Pole.

[Colin Quinn]

Right now, he's got a few Jerome's Chicken.

[Santa Claus]

Jay looks like a outlaw biker at a Toys for Tots thing.

[Colin Quinn]

I got a heart of gold.

[Santa Claus]

He's the. No, he's the prospect. So they make him dress up. I get out, like, you want to be in, you better dress up.

[Colin Quinn]

He's like, oh, they give me a nickname. I hate shorts. What? Hey, wore brown shorts once.

[Christine Evans]

Hey, tits.

[Colin Quinn]

I don't wear.

[Santa Claus]

That's right. That's right.

[Colin Quinn]

God damn it.

[Christine Evans]

So good to see you, you know.

[Santa Claus]

Thanks. You, too.

[Christine Evans]

Now, my son is. I think he's at the age where I should tell him that you don't exist.

[Santa Claus]

Whoa.

[Colin Quinn]

What? Masturbation?

[Christine Evans]

No, not that. Jay, you know, he knows that exists.

[Colin Quinn]

Boy, Dewey, he let us all know at Thanksgiving.

[Santa Claus]

What is it?

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, Thanksgiving. Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Came over for Thanksgiving. Him and Christine and Max excused himself during dinner.

[Santa Claus]

Good for him.

[Colin Quinn]

But he made a bit of a production, which was. What was funny about it?

[Santa Claus]

Was Christine wearing what she's wearing tonight? Because I can. I almost. I almost. I almost excuse myself.

[Christine Evans]

She was an areola was peeking out.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

Oh, good for him. I'm sure he really appreciates being put on blasts for his masturbatory habit. It's my worst nightmare.

[Colin Quinn]

He put it on blast. What?

[Christine Evans]

He did it.

[Santa Claus]

He goes, but I'm saying on the radio, he didn't do it. YouTube did it.

[Colin Quinn]

No, but I always assume if he does this, that he's doing it. So we say on the radio, well, good.

[Santa Claus]

I'm glad he's proud of himself. It's good to have a healthy sexual attitude. You know, Santa always believes.

[Christine Evans]

Don't cross your legs.

[Santa Claus]

I've been the same woman for over 100 years.

[Christine Evans]

And you know, Santa doesn't cross his legs.

[Santa Claus]

Rudolph is. Rudolph is actually trans when you think about it.

[Colin Quinn]

Lou, put your goddamn nose on.

[Christine Evans]

Put the nose on.

[Colin Quinn]

Come on, Lou.

[Christine Evans]

Keep the little.

[Santa Claus]

Sorry, I didn't see.

[Colin Quinn]

God damn it.

[Santa Claus]

Oh, boy.

[Colin Quinn]

I got to send this thing to obedience school. I sound like a break on myself, but.

[Christine Evans]

What'd you say? Face to the glass. Yeah, that's true. Did you hear that, Colin? Did you watch Jamie Foxx's new special?

[Santa Claus]

I sure did.

[Christine Evans]

What'd you think, Colin?

[Santa Claus]

Heart rending, perfect Christmas miracle.

[Colin Quinn]

With the best doctors. You could be saved from a stroke.

[Santa Claus]

Atlanta. Only in Atlanta.

[Colin Quinn]

Atlanta saved my life. Well, I don't know if you know, we have the. Do you have just that drop Blue by any chance? What God said. What they did to my son. That's my favorite part.

[Santa Claus]

Wow, you guys really playing this like a fine tooth comb, huh?

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, no, we're just giving rap with Santa. I feel like maybe we're gonna hear this. Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

Are we allowed to sing the serious. Have rights to I Don't Want to Get Touchy. They're obviously in a chopping mood.

[Christine Evans]

They're here.

[Santa Claus]

Serious. Thanks, guys. Great to see you. These guys. Real Christmas spirit you got. You guys. You guys are the last of them all.

[Christine Evans]

That's why we didn't. We didn't invite Jim Norton to be.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

Perfect, Lou. Thanks.

[Christine Evans]

The nose is getting in the way.

[Santa Claus]

It was an artistic choice Lou made. He's like, you know what? I want to mix it up. A little spooky thing.

[Christine Evans]

Say autistic.

[Santa Claus]

Does Sirius have all the rights to little Christmas songs? We could sing along.

[Christine Evans]

Whatever song you want. We could sing to. How about some Kelly Clarkson?

[Santa Claus]

All right, sure.

[Christine Evans]

What? It's the best Christmas song in the fucking world this year.

[Santa Claus]

Simply having a wonderful Kelly Christmas.

[Christine Evans]

No, that's not it. Can I tell you that I went into Starbucks today and her whole crew was there. The lady had a microphone that said Kelly Clarkson. They were filming this whole thing, and I went in and I tried to get into the crowd.

[Colin Quinn]

You try to be seen.

[Christine Evans]

I tried to see her. I thought she was there, so I was kind of squeezing my way in. They were doing a big production for the show, and I snuck past the barriers and I was. I was trying to see if she was there, and some guy went, who are you?

[Colin Quinn]

And I went, you're like, I'm the guy who's about to faint if I see her.

[Christine Evans]

She wasn't there, though. It was a remote. I was so sad.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

Kelly, right?

[Christine Evans]

I think we're going to be friends this year.

[Colin Quinn]

Can you tell Kelly if you guys see her? Robert, Kelly likes her a lot.

[Christine Evans]

I love Kelly Clarkson.

[Santa Claus]

I know.

[Christine Evans]

She's awesome.

[Santa Claus]

Well, of course. You guys have a lot in common. What? You both lost a lot of weight.

[Christine Evans]

You should be happy. I didn't know Santa had a mean streak. You know what? You lost a lot of weight, too. You. You. You've been. You've been up and down. You would have put some shocks on your sleigh. You would have had a couple reindeers last year.

[Santa Claus]

Oh, whoa, whoa. Let's back off. Covet affected Santos just like everybody else.

[Christine Evans]

Santa, we've known each other for a while, you guys.

[Santa Claus]

Yes, we have.

[Colin Quinn]

You guys. Such a rapport. I feel left out over here.

[Santa Claus]

He's about. He's introing the game. Jay, be professional.

[Christine Evans]

Listen, let me tell you something. Jay. Jay, look at the last couple years. Me and you've spent a lot of time together, brother. I've known him for 30 years.

[Santa Claus]

Yep.

[Christine Evans]

But the last couple years, I feel like I've known you for the same amount.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. I fucking love you, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

I love you.

[Colin Quinn]

And I don't like being boxed out for your old friends. I think we should find out who your real friends are. Whoa. Kiss off.

[Christine Evans]

The Colin went for it. You really are an improv, aren't you? I think the only way to settle this.

[Colin Quinn]

Jay, you know the way.

[Christine Evans]

I think we do a bonfire style and we do a game show style. Who knows Bobby best?

[Colin Quinn]

Pull your tits.

[Christine Evans]

Are you guys ready? We're gonna take a quick break, but when we come back back, we're gonna play the game show who Knows Bobby Best with Big J Okerson and Santa Claus with your host, Jake. Whoa. Are you guys ready? Lou, are you ready?

[Colin Quinn]

And now back to the bonfire holiday spectacular with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Patrice O'Neal]

Woo.

[Christine Evans]

We're back, we're back.

[Jake Pat]

We'Re back.

[Christine Evans]

We're gonna be playing the Game who Knows Bobby Best to see which one of you is my real friend. And we have your host right now. Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Lou.

[Colin Quinn]

Can't wait. Black Lou's our announcer. Be a contestant.

[Christine Evans]

I can't see Black Lou. You're blocking him. Is he there?

[Colin Quinn]

Yes.

[DJ Lou]

Live from the Village Underground in beautiful New York City, home of corrupt politicians, morbidly obese rats, a bunch of they thems, and 670, 600,000 undocumented migrants. For now, it's who Knows Bobby Best? And now your host, Jake Baton.

[Jake Pat]

Wow, it's great to be back in New York City. Go, everybody. Bobby J. We need to stop meeting like this twice in a year. People will say we're in love.

[Santa Claus]

Good one, good one.

[Jake Pat]

But seriously, folks, guys, it's great to see you and it's great to see your crew. I see DJ Lou over there. DJ Lou, great to see you made it back from Vegas, my friend. Last time I saw you, you were professing your love to a toothless 70 year old street performer whose talent was standing. Christine Evans is in the house, everybody. Where are you, my dear? There she is. Christine. Though I don't see a ring on your finger. So I'm guessing your plan to sucker Jay into marrying you at the Chapel of Love and then having him die of a rare fingernail polish poisoning didn't pan out. By the way, Jay, what color fingernails are we rocking today? Bally slipper pink, you glamorous bitch. But seriously, folks, you know I usually don't make it out to the east coast during the holiday season. But my, oh my, what an eye opener. If you thought the derelicts of Fremont street were easy pickings, you haven't seen anything until you've met a sad, lonely New York City broad who's still dreaming of meeting her. You've got male soulmate in the park somewhere. Ell, I just landed here last night, put on my best Tom Hanks Heart of Gold routine with this sad and lonely, and ended up with my Christmas cheer all over her titties. But seriously, guys, when you called me and told me that jolly old Saint Nick himself was gonna be here, well, I just couldn't say no. Sana, it is an honor to meet you. You bring so much joy to the world. And I know, I know this is your busy season, but please, just for tonight, forget about Sleigh Bells. You and I should hang out after the show and slay some puss together. And hey, if all goes well, maybe you can let me borrow the reindeer For a few hours. You know, ever Since I was 12 years old, I've dreamed of getting sleigh head from some desperate pig silhouetted against a beautiful full moon. But we'll talk strategy after the show, okay? Because right now, we're here for this man. Robert Patrick Kelly. Bobby. How are you, my friend?

[Christine Evans]

I've been better.

[Jake Pat]

Well, Bobby, you look great. And Bobby, I just want to say that I don't know who knows you the best, but I do know who smells the best. Thanks, Santa. I'm looking forward to smelling your Christmas musk after the show, too. But hey, right now we've got a game to play. You know what time it is? It's time to play who knows? You betcha. All right, guys. Gentlemen, underneath your chairs you will see a marking board for your answers. Jay, you want to grab that under your chair?

[Christine Evans]

Stop ringing the bell. Stop ringing the bell. Give me the bell. You can't have the bell.

[Colin Quinn]

He needs the bell.

[Jake Pat]

Gentlemen, I'll be reading you questions. You each have the chance to win one point per question. After you write down your question, the first person to ring in, I will go to them first. Senna, let's test your bell. All right, Big J Okerson, can we hear yours? Please, please. Okay, I'm going to. I'm going to need you to shake your tits a little harder, please. All right, well, if that's the best you can do.

[Christine Evans]

We can only afford one bell.

[Jake Pat]

Let's get right to it.

[Christine Evans]

When you're done, you ring the bell. Sorry, I didn't mean to be mean. Santa.

[Colin Quinn]

Who gets to give their answer first?

[Jake Pat]

Santa, I'm gonna need you to ring your bell and then I will go to you. Please don't give any lip or else that'll dock you a point. But let's get right to it, shall we? This is round one, gentlemen. Big J Okerson, are you ready? Yes, San, Are you ready? All right, question number one. The following is a two part multiple choice question.

[Colin Quinn]

What?

[Christine Evans]

Guess the Jay's having flashbacks when he was a shitty student in Philly.

[Colin Quinn]

Two part multiple choice.

[Christine Evans]

I do.

[Jake Pat]

Well, guess the right answer and then how Robert Kelly would respond. All right, here we go. Robert Kelly's 11 year old son Max complains to his gullible father that his fully furnished bachelor pad basement apartment lacks which of the following items. A, a fully stocked Gatorade and Juicy Juice bar, B, his own podcast studio, C, an official Joe Rogan bow and arrow Elkon simulator, D, a subscription to pornhub or E, all of the above.

[Santa Claus]

I Don't understand how Rob. What does that mean?

[Jake Pat]

What would. Would he give his sons the these. The item that doesn't make sense. Would he give in to his gullible son?

[Christine Evans]

Stop being so analytical and write something down. A, B, C or D or all the above.

[Jake Pat]

Big J Okinson, we begin with you. What was your answer, please?

[Colin Quinn]

B. Own podcast studio.

[Jake Pat]

Like Father Santa, you Santa Claus selected B. Robert Kelly, your answer please would.

[Christine Evans]

Have been D. All the above. There was a fucking E. I mean, that's a lot fucking E. That's why everybody's confused.

[Jake Pat]

You did add the pornhub one at the last minute.

[Christine Evans]

Well, he asked for that last week.

[Jake Pat]

I'm afraid that's no points for each one of you. Oh, by the way, Santa, since you have access to every house on earth, perhaps you can answer the following question. Shed some light on this. Robert Kelly has claimed that. What's this? Comedian Colin Quinn has been tour date stalking him for years now, calling Bobby and telling him his dates over the phone before Bobby himself knows where he's going to be. Is this true? Can you shed some light on that, please?

[Santa Claus]

Is that A, B or C or D?

[Jake Pat]

This is off the books.

[Santa Claus]

Well, I do keep track of Bob's dates. I like to keep updated.

[Christine Evans]

It's a radio show.

[Santa Claus]

Somebody needs to. Oh, we were the serious execs.

[Christine Evans]

That's from Jim I.

[Santa Claus]

Yes, I do keep track of Bob's dates. That's true. Nothing wrong with that. Watching out for a friend, making sure I know what's going on, and then spray and fall, you know, it's psychotic.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Jake Pat]

All right. We just needed confirmation on that one.

[Christine Evans]

Where is Bobby playing next?

[Santa Claus]

Bob's free until after the new year.

[Colin Quinn]

Wow, that's true.

[Christine Evans]

That's true.

[Santa Claus]

His last gig was at the Town Crier in Beacon, New York.

[Colin Quinn]

Holy.

[Christine Evans]

I swear to God, I don't even know the name of the place. I just know it was in Beacon. How do you know it's town crier?

[Colin Quinn]

Astounding, dude.

[Jake Pat]

All right, gentlemen, moving on. Question number two. How many times does Bobby masturbate a week? And what is his go to genre?

[Santa Claus]

How come one's multiple choice and now this one, we have to think of the goat. The go to genre.

[Christine Evans]

All right, I'm gonna say, very grumpy Santa.

[Santa Claus]

Well, because I feel like this game was haphazardly put together.

[Christine Evans]

Have you. Have you looked around? What do you think we're fucking a professional game show team? That's Jacob.

[Jake Pat]

Jake.

[Christine Evans]

Jake. I'm sorry, Jake. I mean, it's Jake, I apologize.

[Santa Claus]

That. That Doug Bell adjacent character is really funny. He's like. He's like a successful Doug Bell. I love it.

[Jake Pat]

We ringing in, gentlemen.

[Christine Evans]

I didn't hear Jay.

[Jake Pat]

Okay, Big J okerson, let's begin with you. What do you have for us?

[Colin Quinn]

I say Bobby masturbates two times a week and his go to genre mom body.

[Jake Pat]

Santa. Your answer, please.

[Santa Claus]

My answer is three times a week and MILFs in washing machines.

[Jake Pat]

Robert Kelly, which one of them was right?

[Christine Evans]

You guys, Can I say both? I'm gonna have to say Jay knows me best on that answer. It's two times a week and it's mom bods because I love a nice cancer freck chest.

[Santa Claus]

How is a mil not part of a mbot?

[Christine Evans]

By the way, he added I need a ruling, Jacob.

[Colin Quinn]

I need a ruling.

[Santa Claus]

All right.

[Colin Quinn]

They call you milit, like 27 years old in porn.

[Santa Claus]

All right, I'll take.

[Colin Quinn]

Bobby wants to see someone with, like, a body that's seen some, like, hail damage and.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, I like a chick who's balding a little bit.

[Colin Quinn]

All right.

[Santa Claus]

All right.

[Christine Evans]

I like an elbow you can bite and she won't get hurt. Well, the thing that lost you is three times. I can't do three times. I could do two. That's about it.

[Colin Quinn]

He's only going two days a week.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, it's Friday and Saturday, you know. And then Max takes over for the rest of the week downstairs.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, Max. Making sure the weight of the house doesn't get too much.

[Jake Pat]

Along the same lines, a few years back, I accidentally strangled a hooker who. Who broke character unexpectedly during one of our mommy son role playing sessions. But silver lining to the story, folks, turns out she never had anyone who loved her anyway. So no harm, no foul.

[Colin Quinn]

Nice.

[Jake Pat]

That's a W. All right, next question. What is the most humiliating thing Robert Kelly has done to generate money for his family?

[Christine Evans]

Hey, Melissa.

[Santa Claus]

Jesus.

[Jake Pat]

Bobby. I don't see the wife here. Where is the lovely Don?

[Christine Evans]

Is HR here?

[Jake Pat]

I just think it's crazy that a man like you doesn't have a beautiful someone by their side.

[Christine Evans]

You're very soft little hands.

[Jake Pat]

You're doing great, Bobby. All right, it looks like the gentlemen are wrapping up here. Once again, Big J okerson has rung in first. Big J Okerson, what is your answer, please?

[Colin Quinn]

The question again, Jacob.

[Christine Evans]

What is it, you fucking pothead? You forgot the question.

[Colin Quinn]

No, no, I got a question. I'd like to give the answer.

[Jake Pat]

What is the most humiliating thing Robert Kelly has done to generate money for his family?

[Colin Quinn]

Dressed like Cupid. Like an ass on cameo because dawn likes expensive things.

[Santa Claus]

Oh.

[Jake Pat]

Well, it was. 50 bucks is expensive. You really shamed yourself for a few pennies, didn't you there, Bobby Santa. Sorry. Go ahead.

[Santa Claus]

Creeps with Kids tour with Voss.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh.

[Santa Claus]

Oh.

[Colin Quinn]

Ah, good lord. I forgot. You shared a stage with Voss in what you call the tour.

[Christine Evans]

I forgot too.

[Colin Quinn]

The tour that made Ron Bennington quit comedy again.

[Christine Evans]

You know what I mean.

[Jake Pat]

Robert Kelly, your answer.

[Colin Quinn]

Jim Florentine into a child bride spiral. Everything's going haywire. It ruined lives. I'm taking my answer off the table.

[Christine Evans]

It's Colin. It's Colin. Appreciate kids doing.

[Santa Claus]

Thank you.

[Christine Evans]

Yay.

[Jake Pat]

And that's. That's the end of round one, everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

How do you make an Airbnb a vrbo? Picture a vacation rental. Now imagine that every time you stay there you earn rewards towards your next trip. Congrats. Now you're in a vrbo. Make it a vrbo. Onekey Cash is not redeemable for cash and can only be used on Expedia, Hotels.com and Vrbo.

[Colin Quinn]

When work gets crazy, I like to stop by the bar after have a few cold ones.

[Christine Evans]

I don't drink at all until 4:00. We limit ourselves to one bottle of wine a night. Excessive drinking has a way of sneaking up on us. A few drinks a few nights a week, it can add up and suddenly.

[Big J Okerson]

We'Re at greater risk for long term.

[Christine Evans]

Problems like heart disease, cancer and depression. Reason enough to rethink the Drink [e-mail].

[Colin Quinn]

Noha Initiative finding your perfect match means.

[Big J Okerson]

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[Jacob Patat]

Today, building a business may feel like a big jump, but on deck small business loans can help keep you afloat. With lines of credit up to $100,000 and term loans up to $250,000, OnDeck lets you choose the loan that's right for your business. As a top rated online small business lender, Ondeck's team of loan advisors can help you find the right business loan to fit your needs. Visit ondeck.com for more information. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by On Deck or Celtic Bank. On Deck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

[Jake Pat]

Louis Johnson, Please give it up for my partner in crime, all the way from Vegas himself. Louis Johnson, everybody.

[Colin Quinn]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Jake Pat]

Lou. A little birdie told me you got some strange last night as well.

[Colin Quinn]

No.

[Jake Pat]

Sure you didn't. All right, what are we looking at for points? Lou?

[DJ Lou]

We are tied. One Santa, one J.

[Jake Pat]

All right. Well, gentlemen, we have no time to spare. Moving right into round two. Gentlemen, Robert is known for humiliating himself as Cupid on cameo at his wife's behest.

[Santa Claus]

Whoa. The fix was in.

[Jake Pat]

What other costume would his wife dawn convince Bobby to debase himself? As for a few shekels more.

[Santa Claus]

Same question.

[Jake Pat]

What would he. What? What would she talk him into dressing as?

[Colin Quinn]

What?

[Christine Evans]

What is this?

[Santa Claus]

Hypothetical?

[Jake Pat]

Yes.

[Christine Evans]

Can you talk over on that?

[Colin Quinn]

Here he goes.

[Santa Claus]

Yes. It's the same as the other question.

[Colin Quinn]

Speculation. Question.

[Santa Claus]

It's speculation.

[Christine Evans]

You guys would suck on a real game show.

[Santa Claus]

Well, we won't find out tonight.

[Colin Quinn]

Jacob, the question again.

[Christine Evans]

He forgot already.

[Jake Pat]

What other costumes?

[Colin Quinn]

How game show works. While we're writing, you go. You read it slowly. Again.

[Big J Okerson]

What is this?

[Jake Pat]

What other.

[Colin Quinn]

Okay, everybody, answers are in. We asked what's the blah, blah, blah.

[Jake Pat]

What other costume would his wife dawn convince Bobby to debase himself? As for a few shekels more, the gentlemen are writing. Okay, I just have Bobby write to myself for right now.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. Can you get your penis off my shoulder?

[Jake Pat]

I like it right where it is. Mush, mush, mush, mush, mush. All right, Santa, we begin with you. Your answer please.

[Santa Claus]

Ryan Reynolds, horse trainer.

[Jake Pat]

He is a neighbor. Big J Okerson, your answer please.

[Colin Quinn]

I put nothing. His outfits are already silly for his age.

[Christine Evans]

Says the guy with pink fingernail polish.

[Colin Quinn]

This isn't about me.

[Christine Evans]

I'm gonna have to say Colin Quinn, you win again. Not only that, did you gave me a great idea to meet Ryan. Yeah, I'm gonna become an equestrian. That's a horse trainer. God, they ride horses.

[Jake Pat]

We begin next with a multiple choice question for both of you.

[Colin Quinn]

If you're into the tits girl, go with the goddamn piven. Did she leave with the piven?

[Jake Pat]

It's right there, Jay.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, thank God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Jake Pat]

We've all been there.

[Christine Evans]

She took my zins to the bathroom.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, dude, you know where those are at. Gentlemen, that Zinn's a real choad, if you know what I mean.

[Jake Pat]

Gentlemen, if Bobby. If Bobby was confronted at his tiny house in New Hampshire by another alpha male in front of his impressionable son, would he, A, lose his cool and yell back at the man in front of his son? B, calmly but firmly stand his ground like a man, or C, take it in the face, drive away, see the shame in his son's eyes, and then violently argue with the man in the shower by himself for the next three days? I have my thoughts on that one.

[Christine Evans]

I don't like this game.

[Jake Pat]

That seemed to be a pretty quick one for these guys. They are done writing Santa Claus. Yes. We begin with you.

[Santa Claus]

I say, depending on the size of the hick in question.

[Jake Pat]

Fair enough. Fair enough.

[Colin Quinn]

I put C. Run for his life and work out a lie.

[Jake Pat]

Now, Bobby, be honest. Your answer, please.

[Christine Evans]

Unfortunately, you can say is C. Oh, B.S. i went home and I argued with the guy in the shower, but in the shower, I won that bitch. I gave it to him. And he apologized to Max and Don and gave me 50 bucks.

[Colin Quinn]

Bobby, earlier today you told people that a guy stabbed you in a Louis Vuitton bag when all he did was slightly cut your CVS bag of Haribou peach rings.

[Christine Evans]

Somebody cut your bag.

[Santa Claus]

Look.

[Christine Evans]

And you know the heat of that thing.

[Colin Quinn]

You.

[Santa Claus]

You got.

[Christine Evans]

Things happen quick, Jay.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, you're right.

[Santa Claus]

They know Struggling.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. You only got two. Say, I watched the Equalizer.

[Christine Evans]

The one with Queen Latifah?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Colin Quinn]

Denzel Washington.

[Jake Pat]

Okay, well, gentlemen, as a longtime friend, there should be a layup for you both. What was the name of Bobby's first comedy special?

[Santa Claus]

Oh, good one.

[Christine Evans]

This is gonna.

[Colin Quinn]

Simple.

[Christine Evans]

Repeat the question. Jacob.

[Jake Pat]

Yes. What was the name of Bobby's first comedy special? These guys are already done. Big J Okerson.

[Colin Quinn]

Just the tip.

[Jake Pat]

And Santa, your answer, please.

[Santa Claus]

Just the tip.

[Jake Pat]

There it is, ladies and gentlemen, and.

[Christine Evans]

I'm gonna say this. Yes, they're both wrong.

[Colin Quinn]

Whoa.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, you.

[Santa Claus]

I'm sorry. I remember. You're right. I'm sorry.

[Christine Evans]

It's Robert Kelly live.

[Santa Claus]

No, it was the first person who called. Dane Cook live.

[Christine Evans]

Jeff, Santa got a pivot.

[Jake Pat]

Enjoy that tipping Santa.

[Christine Evans]

It feels good, doesn't it?

[Santa Claus]

Sometimes.

[Christine Evans]

Hey, hey, hey. You can't keep it.

[Colin Quinn]

You gotta get back. You always gotta deal with the heartbreak of getting in the back.

[Jake Pat]

By the way, Santa, tell us, what was it? Like delivering toys to kids on Epstein Island. Huh?

[Santa Claus]

Whoa.

[Jake Pat]

Must be confusing when naughty is nice. Am I right, everybody? I kid, of course. Moving on. How many father figures has Bobby had over the years? Bonus point. How many were Jews?

[Santa Claus]

How many what Were Jews.

[Christine Evans]

How many father figures did I have? How many were Jews and how many were Jews?

[Santa Claus]

That's a good question. That's a good question.

[Jake Pat]

Guess the right amount of Jews and you do get a bonus. His punk. You like Jews, Bobby?

[Christine Evans]

At Christmas? Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

All right.

[Christine Evans]

Jews.

[Jake Pat]

They're fun anytime.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, I love. I love a nice Jew. Can I say that?

[Jake Pat]

Yes, you sure can. The guys are.

[Santa Claus]

Can't sit outside Santa New York right.

[Christine Evans]

Now, but somebody reads the news, the post.

[Jake Pat]

Santa.

[Santa Claus]

Yes.

[Jake Pat]

We begin with you.

[Santa Claus]

Yes. Yeah.

[Jake Pat]

How many father figures has Robert Kelly had over the years? And how many.

[Santa Claus]

10 and 2.

[Jake Pat]

All right, big J Okerson.

[Colin Quinn]

Okay. I came up with a number of 76, but that's Larry. Every guy at the cigar lounge. Cole Hauser of TV's Yellowstone and Colin Quinn. And in all of that, one Jew.

[Christine Evans]

J. Okinson.

[Colin Quinn]

Jew.

[Christine Evans]

I had one Jew.

[Colin Quinn]

I think Larry was a Jew.

[Christine Evans]

Ken La. No, he was Italian.

[Colin Quinn]

Didn't even know one of the.

[Santa Claus]

One of the cigar lounge guys, probably.

[Christine Evans]

No, it was Ken. Lazarus was my Jewish foster. We called him Laz and he was my counselor in juvie hall. And then when I came out of rehab, I wound up moving in with him because my mom and me didn't get along. So I moved in with him. I lived with him for three years.

[Santa Claus]

Wow.

[Colin Quinn]

It's a miracle and probably a lie that you weren't molested.

[Christine Evans]

This close.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm sure.

[Christine Evans]

This close. I was inches away.

[Jake Pat]

Gentlemen.

[Colin Quinn]

Hello, Bobby. Would you like to see a circumcised penis?

[Christine Evans]

I did see it.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, you did. You got to earn your plate.

[Jake Pat]

Gentlemen.

[Christine Evans]

That was hot. Bobby, too.

[Jake Pat]

We close out round two with the following question. Misery loves company.

[Santa Claus]

Whoa.

[Jake Pat]

Bobby was fat for many years, but surprisingly, he made it. Name three other fat comics that didn't make it. Bonus point. Rank the comics, including Bobby, in order of fattest to least fat.

[Christine Evans]

In order of fattest what?

[Jake Pat]

Fattest to least fat. Three comics.

[Colin Quinn]

And Bobby.

[Jake Pat]

And Bobby.

[Santa Claus]

Bobby when he was fat.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, I'm in the fat part.

[Jake Pat]

So the largest Bobby version. And the other three.

[Santa Claus]

That's a lot of comics. Three.

[Christine Evans]

We need ones that didn't make it.

[Santa Claus]

I know them.

[Jake Pat]

This is a nail body.

[Christine Evans]

I love that everybody's doing it to themselves right now. There's so many dead fat comics. Again, I was this close.

[Jake Pat]

All right.

[DJ Lou]

Yes, they do.

[Jake Pat]

I think the guys are just about done. Robert and I believe.

[Santa Claus]

Okay.

[Christine Evans]

Ring your bell.

[Jake Pat]

All right. Santa Claus has rung in. Santa, we go to you first. What do you have for us?

[Santa Claus]

Should I rang in, I'd say one, John Panett, two, Ralphie May, three, Louie Anderson, four, Bobby.

[Colin Quinn]

All right, that's the order of also funny. Okay. No, it's. No, you said. You said we got to put him in order of funny, too, right?

[Christine Evans]

No, no.

[Santa Claus]

Jay. Jay's making his own rules.

[Jake Pat]

Big J. Okerson, what do you have for us? Big J is right.

[Colin Quinn]

John Panette, Ralphie May, Patrice O'Neill, Bobby Kelly.

[Jake Pat]

Oh, Bobby, your answer, please.

[Christine Evans]

Big J. Big J. How could you not put Patrice. He's your friend.

[Santa Claus]

But. Because I was going to put Big J. Because comedians who didn't make it.

[Christine Evans]

No. Didn't make it in life. Patrice O'Neill. You guys know Patrice, One of the funniest guys on the planet.

[Colin Quinn]

That was great.

[Christine Evans]

Elephant in the room. Mr. P. Passed away around 10 years ago, I believe it's 10 years ago he passed away. And Billy Burr has had a benefit every year since.

[Colin Quinn]

John Panett did the best impression of an Asian buffet lady saying, you know, eat here no more. And he rode that out for the better part of 35 years.

[Santa Claus]

Ralphie may did a fine tribute to the Native American people. Got him in a little hot water for a minute.

[Christine Evans]

And Louis Anderson sucked. Young Cox.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah.

[Jake Pat]

What's this?

[Christine Evans]

Allegedly. What's that? Who.

[Patrice O'Neal]

Who you calling fat, nigga?

[Christine Evans]

Whoa. It's the great Patrice O'Neal in heaven.

[Patrice O'Neal]

Thank God for stomach surgery and Ozempic. You two fat were almost up here, too.

[Colin Quinn]

Wow.

[Jake Pat]

Oh, what?

[Patrice O'Neal]

Colin is still alive? Colin, stop doing specials on history. We get it. You're smarter than everyone else.

[Christine Evans]

That's true.

[Patrice O'Neal]

And tell Jim Norton I'm glad that little worm finally came out of the closet. I've been watching him do gay from up here in heaven for a long time now. What Norton did last week with his wife made God throw up. It was fucking repulsive. If you want to win an argument with a woman, you put their face to the glass, not stick their dick in your ass. God damn, man. The world has changed. Norton's doing a show with an intern. Bennington, Bobby and Jackson, they aren't fat. And Opie's doing a podcast on the beach. The only thing that makes sense is Anthony's still a racist and Rich Voss is still dumb.

[Colin Quinn]

What's next?

[Patrice O'Neal]

Dane Cook's gonna have a comeback. Listen, I gotta get out of here. I started a fat comic barbecue up here and it's starting in 20 minutes. Ralphie may is on the grill cooking. Ralphie, put those ribs down. Why you think you're here in the first place, nigga? Ralphie. And tell Bill Burr, enough with the benefit for me every year. I don't even know these you have on. I don't know, Sam J. Just cuz she's fat and black. Oh, one more thing, Yo. Rich Voss has been bugging God every day for this, so go see him. February 15th at soldiers in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. One show.

[Christine Evans]

Peace.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

The Ghost of Christmas Facts, Patrice O'Neal.

[Santa Claus]

That's great.

[Jake Pat]

Wow.

[Christine Evans]

Made you cry, right?

[Santa Claus]

Great.

[Jake Pat]

What a special gift for Christmas that was. The man is dead and still funnier than any of these three hacks. All right, well, that closed out round two. We move right into the next round.

[DJ Lou]

Lewis Johnson Jay is kicking Santa's ass right now. It is five to two.

[Santa Claus]

I don't mean to be rude, Jake, but how many rounds are there?

[Christine Evans]

We're almost three, you fucking old Santa. Whoa, whoa. Can't feel your toes?

[Jake Pat]

Moving right along, gentlemen. Robert Kelly's frequent travel companion, comedian Ari Shaffir typically insists on visiting countries. That would be a hard pass for most, considering that. Which of the following headlines is most likely to come true? A, comedians eaten by remote Koraway tribe in Indonesia. B, controversial comedian lets heavier travel companion perish to save self in mad dash last flight to safety during totalitarian overthrow. Or C, American comedians now Siberian cellmates quote taller comic. I love learning about the real Siberia.

[Colin Quinn]

Can you read all that again?

[Jake Pat]

No.

[Colin Quinn]

A.

[Jake Pat]

All right, Santa. All right. Give you a minute.

[Colin Quinn]

Take your time. I have no.

[Santa Claus]

I would say. How about D, Jewish comedian beheaded and eaten by Siberian companion.

[Jake Pat]

Robert Kelly.

[Christine Evans]

I mean, Santa. I'm sorry, Santa. You just said it really twaty. Like Colin Quids would say it.

[Jake Pat]

All right, That's a point for Santa.

[Santa Claus]

Oh, oh. I left because I want to cry.

[Jake Pat]

By the way, Santa, looking at pictures from Bobby's trip to Cuba, it's clear to everyone that you pass right over that commie country. And I say, damn straight. No new toys for those little commie bastards. We need to make Cuba great again. Are you with me, people?

[Christine Evans]

Fight, fight, fight.

[Jake Pat]

I'm sorry. All right.

[Santa Claus]

It was Hyman Roth and the next one was Ari.

[Jake Pat]

Considering Bobby's fluctuating weight over the years, how many summers do you feel he has left and why?

[Santa Claus]

How many summers?

[Jake Pat]

Yes.

[Christine Evans]

You said two.

[Colin Quinn]

Bobby, how old are you?

[Christine Evans]

I'm 50. Four. What the fuck is that?

[Jake Pat]

How many summers I look good for?

[Christine Evans]

54.

[Jake Pat]

How many summers? How many summers do you feel he has left and why?

[Christine Evans]

Dude, I can feel it on my shoulder blade.

[Jake Pat]

Just let it happen.

[Christine Evans]

And it feels good.

[Jake Pat]

It's exactly the way it's supposed to feel.

[Christine Evans]

Are you filling up?

[Jake Pat]

Am I all right. Big J Okerson is shaking his tits. Jay, we'll begin with you. How many summers do you feel Bobby has Left and why?

[Colin Quinn]

15 summers. Cause. 69.

[Santa Claus]

Brian Adams. Yeah, summer.

[Jake Pat]

Santa Claus.

[Santa Claus]

I would say 11 before max and dawn kick him out of the tiny home for foundation crumbling.

[Jake Pat]

Robert Kelly.

[Christine Evans]

I'm gonna go with Jay because 69, nice.

[Jake Pat]

By the way.

[Christine Evans]

Although I'm not gonna 69 with Dawn. That's gross. She's pre menopause. I don't even know what it looks like down there. Looks like Foster Brooks at a roast.

[Santa Claus]

I'm the only one that knows Foster Brooks.

[Christine Evans]

He does do. Google it, young son.

[Jake Pat]

By the way, Senna, just an FYI, yes, my new iPhone case is pretty shoddy work. So if you please, no new toys for little Chun Fat this year. If those little lazy hands can't put a piece of plastic together, they don't deserve any joy from St. Nick. You know, you have to teach these tiny laborers work ethic today so that they can build the 4K TVs of tomorrow.

[Colin Quinn]

Hell yeah.

[Santa Claus]

It's like, does he. Does he memorize this or is he just like.

[Christine Evans]

Like, freewheeling?

[Jake Pat]

He.

[Santa Claus]

It's like he's possessed by the character.

[Jake Pat]

He.

[Colin Quinn]

He does three months of prep.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah, it's very impressive. Yeah, it really is.

[Jake Pat]

Gentlemen, how many?

[Colin Quinn]

I found out about this game four hours ago.

[Christine Evans]

We've been zooming for three months.

[Jake Pat]

Gentlemen, how many times has Robert Kelly gotten a woman pregnant? Bonus point. What would the name of the aborted fetuses have been?

[Santa Claus]

Whoa. That's a good question. Oh, I'm gonna say, I think this.

[Jake Pat]

Stud like you. I bet it's a lot. I bet you couldn't keep that thing in your pants.

[Christine Evans]

We didn't. We didn't rehearse this. This.

[Santa Claus]

No.

[Jake Pat]

All right. It looks like Santa's rung. In Santa, we begin with you.

[Santa Claus]

I would say four. And the child's. The girl's name would be Dana Cook Kelly.

[Jake Pat]

Big J. Oakerson.

[Colin Quinn]

I put Max, of course, who was with us. But I said three total and two abortions. That would have been named Vin Diesel Kelly or RIP.

[Jake Pat]

Robert Kelly. Which one of these gentlemen were right?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

I'm running away with this.

[Christine Evans]

I'm not going to name a chick my daughter Dana. That's a fat girl's name.

[Jake Pat]

Well, gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, that closes out the round. We're moving into our final round now. But before that, let's hear from tonight's sponsor.

[Colin Quinn]

Who knows?

[DJ Lou]

Bobby Best is brought to you by Comedy Career Insurance. If you're gonna make it to the top and right back down again, you need comedy insurance.

[Christine Evans]

There won't be no siren.

[Patrice O'Neal]

Be a real fag sitting on the roof coming.

[Colin Quinn]

And anybody that doesn't like it could wipe their ass with whatever they say about me, I'm a good father. I recycle and I masturbate and I'm proud of it.

[Jake Pat]

There's literally a floating island of garbage in the middle of the ocean right now. Yeah, I think it's called Puerto Rico. Okay, all right.

[Christine Evans]

Shut up.

[Santa Claus]

50 years ago, you had your own.

[Christine Evans]

Tied down with a fork up your ass.

[DJ Lou]

Oh, my Comedy Career Insurance. Comedy is a roller coaster. You go up, but you always come back down.

[Santa Claus]

Whoa.

[Jake Pat]

Fantastic.

[Christine Evans]

I wish. I wish we knew about that.

[Colin Quinn]

I know. I look at Dane Cook. Hasn't come down far enough to pass Bobby again. Say you're gonna pass everybody on the way back down when. Where's Bobby on the ladder?

[Christine Evans]

He's still doing good.

[Jake Pat]

Gentlemen, moving right along. Bobby claims to have had many facts in his life. His fourth fat second. Fat. Etc. How many fats did Bobby end up with?

[Santa Claus]

Oh.

[Christine Evans]

No. Cheat. Give me my zins back. You know what? Leave them there. I couldn't get them out. They were so tightly pushed between your cleavage.

[Jake Pat]

All right, Santa, we begin with you.

[Santa Claus]

7.

[Jake Pat]

Big J Okerson for the pops.

[Christine Evans]

Big J wins. I've had six fats, five skinnies, six fats. Hopefully the last one we play this game. Next year you might be right. But this year, Jay is right.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, we gotta see when we get this new contract. Right, Jim? Big Jim. Hell, yeah. Hey, we're going to ask for insurance.

[Jake Pat]

Gentlemen, now that we know Robert Kelly invented podcasting. Name the one podcast that was successful. I believe Bobby didn't write that one.

[Christine Evans]

I'm not into it anymore. Jacob.

[Jake Pat]

Santa, let's go to you the Rex. Big J. O. Kristen.

[Colin Quinn]

I put up the Bonfire podcast on the SiriusXM app and then I wrote it. Is they just don't tell us numbers.

[Christine Evans]

Whoa.

[Santa Claus]

That's a shot at you, Jim. Big Jim. They're like, I know. I'm Big Jim.

[Christine Evans]

I'm gonna have to go with Jay. Yeah. J again. Most successful.

[Santa Claus]

He's killer.

[Jake Pat]

Ladies and gentlemen. Can I be serious here with you a moment. I have a bone to pick with Santa.

[Santa Claus]

Bone to pick. Good podcast.

[Jake Pat]

All my life I've tried to be good. As a child, I was a good boy. As a teenager, I would volunteer on the weekends at an inner city youth center. As an adult, I spent years overseas teaching English to poor little Asian kids. And Santa, in all that time, I've only ever asked one thing of you for Christmas in return. A 10 year old Filipino lady boy to call my aunt.

[Christine Evans]

That's what Santa walks do.

[Jake Pat]

Let's move on. Bobby Kelly not only claims to be a comedian, but also an influencer. If Bobby had an influencer name, what would it be?

[Christine Evans]

What the fuck, Jake? This has to be against some rule.

[Jake Pat]

You've done so much in your life. You've accomplished so much. Oh, Santa, Santa, what do you have for us? Bobby Kelly's influencer name.

[Santa Claus]

Kai. He's fat.

[Jake Pat]

Big J Okerson, what would Robert Kelly's influencer name be?

[Colin Quinn]

Well, I know what Bobby wants to be called because he asked people to call him in a lot and I've seen him make guests awkward when he asked him to refer to him as this Shades. Bobby Strings.

[Santa Claus]

Oh, damn it.

[Jake Pat]

Well, gentlemen, yes, that ends that round.

[Christine Evans]

But we do you so into rubbing me down.

[Jake Pat]

Fair enough.

[Christine Evans]

I think you're only up here to get frisky with me, you weirdo.

[Jake Pat]

Go ahead. Sorry, Bobby.

[Santa Claus]

You know what?

[Colin Quinn]

Just that one.

[Jake Pat]

Bobby.

[Christine Evans]

Now. Yes, Jay, that is my dream to be referred to by every musician as Bobby Strings. But I think I'm going to replace that with Kai.

[Santa Claus]

He's fat.

[Colin Quinn]

Kai, he's fat.

[Santa Claus]

Kai.

[Christine Evans]

He's fat.

[Jake Pat]

Kai.

[Santa Claus]

He's fat.

[Christine Evans]

For my influencer name, you're right.

[Colin Quinn]

My musicians.

[Christine Evans]

For my musician name, I'm Bobby Strings. My influencer name.

[Santa Claus]

He's fat guy.

[Christine Evans]

He's fat.

[Jake Pat]

A point for Santa, everyone. Lewis Johnson, what are we looking at for points here?

[Santa Claus]

Jay?

[DJ Lou]

Is Molly Whopping Santa? 10 to 4.

[Santa Claus]

Jesus Christ. 10, 4, good buddy.

[Jake Pat]

It ain't over yet. Because now we enter the bonus questions. Whoa, Santa, this is an individual bonus question for you.

[Santa Claus]

Thank God.

[Jake Pat]

Worth 10 points. You can leapfrog in front of Jay Z. Where is Bobby performing January 24th and 25th.

[Christine Evans]

It's been five. Five years you've been stalking me and then when it counts.

[Santa Claus]

God. Oh, all right. I mean, hold on, hold on, hold on. He just did comedy Dojo last week. It won't be there. He. It's not. It's not gonna. It's not Uncle Pennies. It's January, Right? All right. Okay, hold on. What is that?

[Christine Evans]

Governor.

[Santa Claus]

I think you're right. I'm going. Governors.

[Jake Pat]

You'd be wrong.

[Colin Quinn]

Wait, can I go?

[Santa Claus]

Wait. Laugh Boston.

[Christine Evans]

Wait.

[Santa Claus]

Side splitters.

[Jake Pat]

That's incorrect too. The answer was Comedy Club Kansas City. Santa, I'm so sorry, but I will be there.

[Christine Evans]

So if you guys live in Kansas, please come out to the show.

[Jake Pat]

Tell you what, though, just to make.

[Santa Claus]

That ruined me.

[Christine Evans]

That hurt, didn't it?

[Santa Claus]

Yeah, it did. Your whole.

[Christine Evans]

The last, what, six years you've been preparing for that question.

[Santa Claus]

Yes. Yes.

[Christine Evans]

And you asked in front of the crowd.

[Santa Claus]

Yes.

[Christine Evans]

And here it is. Your moment to shine. Yes. And you unraveled Big J. Oh, Jacob, thank you.

[Jake Pat]

It's a done deal already. But let me ask you this bonus question for you.

[Santa Claus]

I'd be more upset if it was stand Up Phoenix, to be honest with.

[Jake Pat]

You, Jay, which number is greater? The amount of podcasts Robert Kelly does in a given week? Or the amount of times comedian Colin Quinn beat off to Kari wer each episode of MTV's Remote Control?

[Colin Quinn]

Colin is a gentleman. The answer is Bobby. Final answer.

[Christine Evans]

Is that true?

[Santa Claus]

Yes, it is true.

[Christine Evans]

Okay.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. I think while she's alive, you can't say you whacked off to her a bunch.

[Santa Claus]

No, she wouldn't allow it. She wouldn't care.

[Jake Pat]

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a landslide winner. Please give it up for Big J Okerson and Jay. You're not going home empty handed, my friend. We have a couple of gifts for you.

[Colin Quinn]

Okay.

[Santa Claus]

You know, that's what you say to the runner up. You're not going home empty handed.

[Christine Evans]

No, you get. You're going to get a run runner up gift.

[Santa Claus]

That was tough. That last one kills me.

[Jake Pat]

Let me give Colin his runner up gift right now.

[Santa Claus]

Oh, thank you, Jacob.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, Bobby, you get two. Slight. Two slight. Two.

[Santa Claus]

Thank you. In the interest of full disclosure, I saw this guy bring it in an hour and a half ago.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, me too.

[Christine Evans]

Open the box.

[Jake Pat]

Colin, there is a symbol of Jay's love. It's his heart.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh.

[Jake Pat]

But that's not all, Jay. You've just won a 5% interest in Bobby's media empire.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh. What?

[Jake Pat]

Punchup dot live.

[Colin Quinn]

Wow.

[Christine Evans]

And there's more.

[Colin Quinn]

I have 5% holdings of Punchup Live, 10% stake in True Classic T shirts, and 10% of Bobby's heart. Aw.

[Christine Evans]

I love you, Jay.

[Colin Quinn]

And wait. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Matthew 28:19 20.

[Christine Evans]

It's Christmas.

[Colin Quinn]

Man, I really wish I had pizza, but this is great. Dude, punch up live. It's gonna start moving the needle. I feel it coming any day now.

[Christine Evans]

Welcome to the club, buddy.

[Jake Pat]

Well, gentlemen, what an honor it was to host this game. Guys, it's great to see you, Santa. Colin, great to see you.

[Santa Claus]

Great to see you, too, Jake. Amazing job.

[Jake Pat]

I've been your host. Jake, Pat, take it away.

[Santa Claus]

Jake.

[Christine Evans]

Jake.

[Colin Quinn]

Pat.

[Christine Evans]

Give it up to Jake.

[Colin Quinn]

Everybody. Thank you so much. And big thank you to Colin Quinn, everybody, being our Santa Claus today.

[Santa Claus]

Thank you, guys.

[Colin Quinn]

We. We're gonna come back in just a few seconds, everybody. It's the bonfire.

[Santa Claus]

Whoa.

[Colin Quinn]

We're taking this thing home right now, everybody. Thank you guys so much for being a part of the Bonfire holiday show.

[Christine Evans]

You guys, please chime in on the chorus, please. Please chime in.

[Colin Quinn]

We know to chime in. Chime in for the drummer parts.

[DJ Lou]

Yes, they do.

[Colin Quinn]

On fire Holiday show Bum rumpum.

[Christine Evans]

Big J never helps at all A rum ba pom pom I order all the.

[Colin Quinn]

Props A rump, a pom pom.

[Jake Pat]

This is my time to shine.

[Colin Quinn]

The Bonfire holiday show.

[Jake Pat]

Oops.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh.

[Santa Claus]

I make this sound effects Bar.

[Colin Quinn]

Of a bum bum Damn.

[DJ Lou]

I'm here to black them up Fire.

[Santa Claus]

Up a pom pom.

[Colin Quinn]

Put your girl's face on the glass.

[Christine Evans]

I'm singing loud to cover up my tooth?

[Colin Quinn]

Bonfire holiday show thank you, everybody.

[Christine Evans]

Merry Christmas, everybody. Thanks for coming out.

[Colin Quinn]

Thank you to Colin Quinn, DJ Lou Blacklu, Jacob Baton, Christine Marie Evans, Big J Okerson, the great Robert Kelly.

[Christine Evans]

We'll see you guys next year.

[Colin Quinn]

Thank you so much.

[Robert Kelly]

How do you make an Airbnb? A vrbo? Picture a vacation rental with a host who's showing you every room like you've never seen a house before. Now get rid of them. There you go. No host ever. Now it's a vrbo. Make it a vrbo.

[Jacob Patat]

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