Born A Ten Died A One

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Born A Ten Died A One" – The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode Overview In the episode titled "Born A Ten Died A One," hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly delve into a range of topics spanning movie adaptations, controversial music videos, celebrity appearances, and personal anecdotes. The conversation is marked by their trademark blunt humor and unfiltered honesty, offering listeners an engaging and no-holds-barred exploration of pop culture and personal experiences.

1. Movie Adaptations and References

Discussion on "Pet Sematary Bloodlines" and Original Works The hosts begin by discussing the nuances between movie adaptations and their original literary sources. Jay references lines from the movie that differ from the original Stephen King novel, highlighting changes in character portrayals.

• Bobby Kelly [02:10]: "He could have lived his life again."
• Big Jay Oakerson [02:50]: "But apparently the book holds more to. He was like not a monster."

Insights on "The Shining" Jay and Bobby analyze quotes from "The Shining," addressing misconceptions and alterations in the film's narrative compared to the book.

• Big Jay Oakerson [03:26]: "You wrote the song for the movie, but I'm not watching it. I stick to the book."

2. Controversial Music Videos: Rammstein Case Study

Rammstein's Explicit Music Videos A significant portion of the episode centers around Rammstein's provocative music videos. The hosts provide a detailed critique of the band's attempts to push boundaries, discussing the explicit content and its reception.

• Big Jay Oakerson [05:06]: "They remade this unnecessarily."
• Bobby Kelly [06:05]: "They're having sex. I mean they're literally banging."

Public Reception and Platform Restrictions They touch upon how such content is distributed, noting the limitations imposed by platforms like YouTube.

• Big Jay Oakerson [05:23]: "Purely porn sites and not YouTube for sure."

3. Celebrity Appearances and Physical Transformations

Kelly Clarkson's Image Changes The conversation shifts to Kelly Clarkson, where Jay and Bobby humorously critique her physical transformation over time, blending humor with candid observations.

• Bobby Kelly [26:44]: "She's getting fat again."
• Big Jay Oakerson [32:17]: "It looks like she had to take the skin where fat used to be and origami it into something."

Impact of Public Scrutiny on Celebrities They discuss the pressures celebrities face regarding their appearances and the often harsh public judgments that follow.

• Big Jay Oakerson [46:10]: "She's only got a couple months to live."
• Bobby Kelly [46:22]: "You remember when he did the award show and he had nobody knew he had cancer."

4. Personal Anecdotes and Relationship Dynamics

Navigating Relationships and Communication Issues Bobby shares personal stories about his relationship struggles, particularly focusing on communication breakdowns and misunderstandings with his partner.

• Bobby Kelly [57:05]: "I want to get that traffic done. Married A7. She died."
• Big Jay Oakerson [58:21]: "This chick's next guy can be a fucking piece of shit."

Humorous Takes on Everyday Situations The hosts infuse humor into everyday scenarios, such as fixing household appliances and dealing with marital tensions.

• Big Jay Oakerson [50:58]: "She had put the wrong canister in from the old model in there."
• Bobby Kelly [55:02]: "I love you, man."

5. Stand-Up and Live Performances

Promoting Upcoming Shows Towards the end of the episode, both hosts promote their upcoming live performances, encouraging listeners to attend their shows and engage with their comedy.

• Bobby Kelly [64:05]: "We should talk about that after. I'm interested in that."
• Big Jay Oakerson [64:39]: "Yeah. I'm going to start doing live streams."

Conclusion "Born A Ten Died A One" offers a blend of insightful critiques, personal stories, and comedic exchanges that embody the essence of "The Bonfire." Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly skillfully navigate through diverse topics, providing listeners with both laughs and thoughtful commentary on contemporary issues in entertainment and personal life.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Bobby Kelly [00:00]: "If you could hear love, what would it sound like?"
• Big Jay Oakerson [03:26]: "You wrote the song for the movie, but I'm not watching it."
• Bobby Kelly [26:44]: "She's getting fat again."
• Big Jay Oakerson [50:58]: "She had put the wrong canister in from the old model in there."
• Bobby Kelly [55:02]: "I love you, man."

Final Thoughts This episode exemplifies the dynamic chemistry between the hosts, blending sharp wit with genuine discussions on topics that resonate with a wide audience. Whether dissecting controversial music videos or sharing personal relationship woes, Jay and Bobby ensure that "The Bonfire" remains a staple for listeners seeking both humor and honest conversation.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

If you could hear love, what would it sound like?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Son, can we talk about your drinking?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dad, I think we should. Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking. Maybe that's what love sounds like. [e-mail] an OHA initiative. If you're alignment in charge of keeping the lights on, Grainger understands that you go to great lengths and sometimes heights to ensure the power is always flowing. Which is why you can count on Grainger for professional grade products and next day delivery. So you have everything you need to get the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickgrainger.com or just stop by Ranger for the ones who get it done. And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, say the songs about the movie you wrote it for without saying it. This wouldn't be a reference in anything else. I don't want to be buried in a pet cemetery. I don't want to live my life again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they just got the. The movie fucking lines. What's the movie about? Got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Song's done.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's the movie about? Oh, is it? Well, I'd say it's a little misleading though. The line I don't want to live my life again. It's not what's happening. Your body's coming out possessed by some kind of weird freaky Indian ghost.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but you're living.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're living again, but you're not living your life again. It's not starting over and living your life. You don't know your new life is a cannibal monster.

[Bobby Kelly]

They never made it past. Good point. He could have killed everybody and then started farming again. Or starting maybe, you know, getting some agriculture, a little ag.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I guess it's possible.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe getting in a little. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe some horticulture.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, maybe he just. He never got a shot, that little guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they did take him out pretty quick. But if you remember, Jeb tells the story of the one they let kick it for a while. And if you watch, they did another movie called Pet Sematary Bloodlines. That tells the story of that guy, the one he tells the story about when he was younger, that the guy buried his son there when he got back from the war. And then he came back and he wasn't. He wasn't right. Yeah, but in that movie they made him a little more civilized. Even though he was like turning evil. Yeah, but he was more civilized. It wasn't quite, if you remember, in the original Stephen King. Well, I don't remember who made it. But the original movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right away. Remember? He was like a cannibal monster just eating cats and shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But apparently the book holds more to. He was like not a monster. He was just like evil little fucked up. Yeah, right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which he could have went on and did some farming.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He could have lived his life.

[Bobby Kelly]

Could have lived his life again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I guess the long story short of it is he could have in fact lived his life again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He chose not to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe the Ramones went by the book instead of the movie. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's funny.

[Christine]

Faithful to the book.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sorry, guys. I'll write the song for the movie. But I'm not watching it. I stay to the book.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know it's funny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You wrote a song about the shining and they go. Can't believe the hotel blows up at the end. No, no, no. That doesn't happen in the movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's funny.

[Christine]

My 80s had deep best songs of using the. The name of the movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Someone's phone going off.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not mine.

[Christine]

That's my sister again. My bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

You okay?

[Christine]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's she doing?

[Christine]

She called me for 10 years straight right when we start the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's she doing? What's she up to?

[Christine]

She's down in Florida.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love that. He throws his sister right under the bus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. God damn. She doesn't give a. About the show. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not that you didn't send your phone.

[Christine]

I text her back. I'm on the air for the last 10 years.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what I mean. Is it a lack of respect for you? Us?

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe she.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The fact that we work with a black gentleman.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The fact we let a woman in the workplace.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you bury in a pet cemetery and she's just not right.

[Christine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is this actually her living her life again? But Jacob's sister and something that's. Then I go bury her in the mud and then she comes back to life.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get out of my room. James doesn't want to be buried in a pet cemetery.

[Christine]

My favorite.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then the. By the way. What's the name? Rammstein. Remade this unnecessarily. Does need to be remade.

[Bobby Kelly]

Made the song. They re. They redid the song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ramstein. Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's interesting. I'd like to see that. Those maniacs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, man. Remember they just did a full pornographic video. Music video. Full penetration.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. When was that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Them. Their chicks and it's wild.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where. Where do you see that? Where do you put that out in Germany?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Purely porn sites and ger. And. And not. Not YouTube for sure. No, off Internet. I mean off the dark web.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you on the dark web again?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not dark web, but the uncensored version. Yeah. Here we go. Yeah, that's right. Song's called Pussy. But they. I'm pretty sure this gets to like full blown full penetration pornography.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're showing her bum. Bum. She's in a sexy. That's her thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's a.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a cootie. She's eating a sausage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sausage.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pussy on duty. I want to get that from my house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

On duty.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Put it on the door.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna say duty on pussy, but D O O D Y and go shit on Don's duty on pussy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. They're really just going at it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm pretty sure they fuck. I might be wrong.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's all right. Guys wearing a wig. He's training out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't even know if this is the actual. This isn't even video I'm thinking of. They did another video that's pornographic.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think he's going down on her. She's. This is pretty wild.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, dude. Wow. Germans play by their own set of rules.

[Bobby Kelly]

They really always have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They don't have a sense of humor, but they have a great sense of pornography.

[Bobby Kelly]

They really do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Look at that. Fingers in her pussy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mm. With an old camera.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But this is even the one. What's the one where the band has actual sex. Look up what that video is because this is the one. I remember the one. I remember a little more like bright colors and cartoony Germany. And the band's all naked.

[Bobby Kelly]

They really lost their shine. We really took it out of them. Do it. Just a bunch of weirdos making stupid crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sucking the guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa. Was that a p. Ah. That's actually. That's a real ding dong. That's not a Rob Kelly Lewis. J. Gomez.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And there's the. That's the lead singer.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's got a nice piece. It's got a night. They really are.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't look at people. Good looking vaginas.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Isn't it funny? I don't believe this is a video I'm thinking of. Maybe it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's got to be. They're banging. I mean they're literally banging.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought the one is a little like. More like sound stagey looking.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's crazy. They're having sex.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. But now the way I'm looking. The one guy has tits that I'm wondering if it's all AI.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did they have. I don't think they had AI back then.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, when do you think this was?

[Bobby Kelly]

1999?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope.

[Bobby Kelly]

2001?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope.

[Bobby Kelly]

2020.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna go as far as, say, the 2000 and tens, perhaps.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was real insertion. They didn't have AI, believe me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They do have Photoshop and though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but you can't Photoshop a thing going in and out of a ding.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is there another song, Christine, that might have this?

[Jacob]

I'm looking for a bed Soul. Coming up, this video.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, you. You. You might have been right about Aussie going to Switzerland. There's a whole thing online because.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that we died.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he. They don't. They don't. They're only saying anything about how he died, where he died. They're saying he died around family and friends and very happy and peaceful. But in Sharon's memoirs back in the day, she said that if it comes down to it, where one of us or both of us are too sick with a disease that's fucking us up and not letting us live our lives, we're going to Switzerland and we're doing assisted suicide. It's in her memoirs. So it's kind of weird. Everybody's spinning around about maybe. Maybe that's what they did. Because it's so. The timing is nuts. That he did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The timing is crazy. And he also said apparently a thing where he's been living in extreme, like pain and discomfort for five years.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jacob]

The surgeries that fucked him up more.

[Bobby Kelly]

So he's like, yeah, there was a thing. I don't know if it was AI, but he was giving like a little speech. Is that what you're talking about? We talking. He's like, I did the concert and I barely could do it. And. And my. The pain. I didn't take my medication for weeks so that I could. I could sing the songs. And it made me feel bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. I didn't hear that.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was a great Aussie, by the way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a fantastic.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't even know I could do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you see me sink into it? I was just listening to you. Ozzy, another question.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, Jay, what is it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay, you were right on the button. I commit a suicide.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, Is this the only time we get to see Ramstein?

[Bobby Kelly]

I guess I'm trying to vamp with the Aussie stuff. Give her a shot, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it might be me. I might be the one wrong about this one.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, you said that they. And we shot a video of them. I mean, you can't get more on the Nose than the. The song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With her finding what I said, the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Band and them, she nailed it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

She dismounted, put her hands up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Didn't even fall off pretty quickly for an older lady.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, wow. She's not old yet. Monday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Monday, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Monday was. This show is going to suffer. This show is going to fucking Monday. We're going to be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's going to be hot, hot flash.

[Bobby Kelly]

We have to rub stuff on her knuckles so she can type.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I'm going to have a house full of witch hazel now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we're going to. We're going to have to, like, have a hair dyer on, like, staff. Sure. Her roots don't come out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's going to turn to a bag of bones on Monday. Monday morning she's going to look different. Jowls.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jowls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, honey.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay, can you help me with my bustier? Tie me up in the back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's my Jason down there.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't get my shoes on. I'm gonna have to wear flats.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He brings me breakfast in bed because my sciatica is at. My sciatica is acting.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where's my tux, Jason? My roids are popping up and I don't want to. I want to enjoy the ride to the city today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm have to make sure Christine's regular every day. Are you regular?

[Bobby Kelly]

You have to drink it, honey. I don't like it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know, but you have to. You need the calories. You need to keep your strength up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'd rather poo once a month and die than drink this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, what are you gonna start to do about your brittle bones?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't have brittle bones.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You are. In a couple days, you're gonna.

[Bobby Kelly]

So funny.

[Jacob]

Is this what you're thinking of?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I don't think this is it either. I think I remember.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's just a bunch of guys with this thing. I mean. Yeah. Man, this band is so interesting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you asking? What's. What's with them, Jacob? The guys aren't afraid of the human body.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And they're all. They're all pretty shredded.

[Christine]

I guess.

[Bobby Kelly]

The lead singer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lead singer is yoked.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's yoked. He's. He's teed out. He's doing. He's doing some type of stacks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, this is. This is years ago.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's part of game day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, dude. This is like the parties at Jamie Foxx's house, right? Everyone's naked, playing in a room together, but it's all guy. It happens to be all guys.

[Christine]

After naked basketball, they Put the sprinklers on. They just run around.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let Romstein go to work.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wish I had hair. He has a backward. A reverse mohawk. Such a cool thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They go, win or lose, guys. Everyone's getting naked in the showers. I guess it was that one we watched.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

They're all having sex.

[Bobby Kelly]

The one having sex it to that.

[Jacob]

Song just remembered it differently.

[Bobby Kelly]

Differently because you watched that. You jerked off to the gay one, but you watched. You remember the other one?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look up music videos that have full penetration sex. Just. Just a list of that.

[Jacob]

Okay. This is a list of their. This one, they're saying one of the guys gets a blowjob, but I can't find it off YouTube.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. What are the other names of the songs?

[Jacob]

Well, this is just Ramstein. Like offensive videos.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll look up Might be Stripped. Might be Stripped.

[Bobby Kelly]

See if Michael Jackson has any sex videos from on his videos. Like We Are the World. Something like that. See if he's getting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not stripped.

[Jacob]

It's not stripped.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. I can already see where that's from. Maybe it's that Snow White. No, keep going. These are just guys.

[Jacob]

That's a gay one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. This is just. I mean, it's not enough fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Band alive.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. I mean, they look fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, they're fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

With all the flames and Mad Max.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Great. Yeah.

[Jacob]

I think they're naked in this too.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you can't understand their songs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The gay one, Christine.

[Christine]

Germans are weird, man. This video, Ramstein video is just guys crawling on all fours across the street.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They came out on stage one year for their tour. They did that. They had like a lady dressed up like a Nazi like SS thing. And they did that over a bridge across the whole stadium. Walking with them, being walked like dogs. Like they're all like dogs. It's pretty dope. I mean, it's a.

[Christine]

It's a great visual.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Awesome visual. Yeah. I mean it's. It's psychotic. And if you don't like their music, you're really not gonna get down on it. I like their music. Don't love it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, it's. It's pretty rockin. But you can't understand.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We don't understand. It's all the same thing over the scoop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, if you watch the Billy Joel documentary, it's not about what they're saying. It's about the sound.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The melody.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's about the sound, man. I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Listen to Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joe. I was more about the. I was more about the something. He was more about the melody. Yeah. There's the death march. There's. With the girl walking him.

[Bobby Kelly]

I never. I never like Bruce Springsteen. I like Billy Joe's. Good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All I use is all about the memory I did.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wasn't gonna die. I. I killed myself. Because Sharon wouldn't stop listening to Bruce Spinksteen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I remember the first time. I remember the first time me and Susie went down, listen to Billy. Heard him play in the park down in Asbury. He was not a part of town.

[Bobby Kelly]

This band is nuts. I mean, how do they not get in trouble?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They have been in lots of trouble many times.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right? How did. How did. How did American bands get in trouble for stupid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, they've been in lots of trouble. At one point. At one point, they were like. I think they couldn't come back to America for a while. Then one guy wouldn't come back because of 9 11.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, they're just eating intestines on a black chicken.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which is weird to describe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's okay. And that's actually okay in German delicacy in Germany.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, is it. It's like a restaurant.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's just. It's a boutique restaurant.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like eating quail. It's the quail of people.

[Christine]

Remember when Elvis got in trouble for shaking his hips on tv?

[Bobby Kelly]

I know these guys. I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's like, imagine if he just would have lived long enough, he could have gotten his dick sucked and some pussy. Kirsten, can you go? Two things I want you to look up. Is the sex in that video real into other videos that have full penetrative sex. Thank you.

[Christine]

Can I just say the total opposite of Rammstein? Since we'll call back to REO Speedwagon. No music videos. Bands that say the name of the movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Air Supply.

[Christine]

I don't remember the name of the band, but the Lethal Weapon movie. I forgot the name of the band, but the guy sings, you're just a Lethal Weapon. Such a bad video. They're such dorks. They're just on a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's another. There's a couple of movies. Really? So. Oh, I mean, Weird Science is pretty on the nose.

[Bobby Kelly]

Weird Science. Good song, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do like Weird Science.

[Bobby Kelly]

Weird Science is a good song, but they are on the nose.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's. We all know It's a long road when you're sliced alone. Yeah, It's a long road.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is that? What is that from?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that the end of the Rambo?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Earth Blood?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a long road.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's the song?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Isn't it?

[Bobby Kelly]

A song from over the top.

[Christine]

Time to take you over the top.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he does have an actual theme song. I know there's Meet Me Halfway by Kenny Loggins.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's actually a good song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pretty good.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's. I mean, that good. If that doesn't get you pumped up when you're working out, well, it makes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You think about you and your boy going cross country doing this with a weird arm wrestling machine. You have.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why was. Why was this such sexual tension between him and his son?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because you felt that. I think that was an internal thing with you. It was a confusing time for you.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it was weird. You know, there was a weird relationship between them. It was like the moments that they had were uncomfortable to watch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's the last. It's the last thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

The music. The sound bed was uncomfortable, too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's the. It does sound like you're about to start kissing constantly. Yeah, but this is. I think it was.

[Bobby Kelly]

So. I'm not. It's not me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The wife died young of disease. The mom died young of disease. And that. That kid is still. How do I say this? Gorgeous, hairless and beautiful.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, there you go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And with the body of a very feminine body. So maybe. And he didn't know his kid very well because the grandpa took. Guys, will you bear with me on this?

[Bobby Kelly]

We're with you, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Listen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let it out, Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black Lou Ear Muffet. You don't need to hear this kind of white shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let it out, Jay. It's okay. We're here, Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was picturing his wife and he was having sex with his son. I think that was the underlying theme. That's right. Because their relationship is, as the movie will tell you, over the top. You think that's about a fucking arm wrestling?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not. Okay. Makes sense. It makes sense now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes. He goes, I love my son. And he goes, I know, but you're. The way you're showing, it's a little over the top. Why does everybody keep saying that to me? Is it because of my thumb thing I do?

[Bobby Kelly]

Did he have to do the arm wrestling to get out the sexual attention? So he didn't have sex with his kid?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that what that was? Mikey, I gotta go wrestle right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Looking over Bull Hurley's shoulder and you see your little boy give you a wink and a kiss. That's what I do. I don't know. Trying to get a bigger truck so we can stretch out.

[Bobby Kelly]

When we do it, we can lie together in the back. Right now, we go to sleep in the front.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your mom was always little spoon the whole movie.

[Christine]

That's right. The plot was that he needs the money. He wins the arm wrestling contest so he can buy an advanced truck.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right?

[Christine]

Looks very dated.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I think not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A home for his son.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. The winner of the truck, right? Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but he doesn't want to. He doesn't. He wasn't hoping to get together so he could buy a home for his son. He's going to continue trucking and arm wrestling. So what is your military kid? Somebody's not at military school. Who by? By the way, that's getting cut off. Loa is not throwing down 40, 50k a year on a military school for your son who's gay, off with his dad at truck stop. They're going to truck. Hey, no, don't have a life with your rich grandfather. Come live truck stop to truck stop with your father.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, come. Come take a shower with me at a gas station.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Hey, watch me make meth addicts angry when I take their money.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have a. You ever have a lot, lizard son?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're about to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you ever get a five dollar blow job and a bag of gummies?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, dad, they don't have teeth. He goes, you say that like it's a bad thing. That's what makes it good.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's so funny, too, because in those movies in that era, anytime somebody was really strong, the other person's nose would bleed. That's how you knew the other person was stronger. Because it'd be a little blood coming.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Down and they have to check it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, this guy's strong.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Blood.

[Bobby Kelly]

My nose. Blood.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Furious.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Even a Superman or somebody would just get one little lip bust.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right There is. Whoa, whoa. Christine, you have some news for us?

[Jacob]

Yes. So 100 real sex. They were gonna use somebody had just bought.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine, do you want my glasses? Do you need my glasses? I'm fine. Okay. I'm just wondering. I'm just trying to help somebody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's just that you're hunched over. Is that just the way your mind's going now?

[Bobby Kelly]

Christian? I got them right here. These are like a two and a half.

[Jacob]

I can't see through those.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, well, maybe Monday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you want to do dumb bitch glasses like Heidi Klum where she does this with her hands and believes does something. There you go.

[Jacob]

There we go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, Christine, those were glasses. You're supposed to. They're supposed to be binoculars. Fists. Fists.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you. Dumb glasses.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's what Heidi Klum does on America's Got Talent. When she's trying to see someone on stage, she starts going like this. It doesn't do anything weird. Doesn't change anything.

[Bobby Kelly]

So funny. She's weird. Dumb bitch. Glasses. Oh, I wonder if she's ever read that in a comment. That'd be hilarious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go ahead.

[Jacob]

They were gonna try to use 70 porn, like archival stuff. And there's too much red tape. So the director just suggested they shoot footage themselves. And they were like super excited about it. And they shot it at a real brothel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Guys, we should do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Prostitutes.

[Jacob]

Yep. And they will.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They got hot.

[Jacob]

They said they got like, you know, girls in the business. So it wasn't. I think they were. And they released it on pornhub.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I said it came out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Guys. Skank fest show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I know, right? I like it as Romstein.

[Bobby Kelly]

How great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How great is though Ramstein in their 30s or early 40s.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Had the idea. It's like. Well, no, I think it's a good artistic vision. We have to do the thing. So. Yeah, it's gonna be JM Bob's late night sex. Sextacular.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There might be some stand up or we'll show some videos or mostly it's gonna be a fuck suck sesh.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll play the bonfire new theme song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll come out fuck into that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, be a bunch of. We'll pick. Yeah, we'll pick the new theme song by playing them in a room while women service us.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And whoever we. Now, we're probably gonna have to blast a few times there. You have to recover and blast again. But whenever the one is where we blast together, we'll know that's the song.

[Bobby Kelly]

And we know Jacob's gonna have sex with Butterly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shane. Butterly. Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Soads. That's gonna be a hot scene.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you mean if we feel. Do you mind if we film those guys wailing your asshole for my new only fans.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob loves guys on this episode. That's hot.

[Christine]

Can I suggest Christine hold us on leashes? Yeah, we have to crawl to the stage.

[Jacob]

I will 100% walk you guys on leashes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'll do it.

[Christine]

I know you'd be into that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll do it. Get some glasses though, so you don't fucking trip. Oh, I'll get. Now you get an outfit. You mean get one. You mean take it out of the closet. Closet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get a cane also so you don't fall over.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't we get one of those little scooters I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine. Hats. I don't know what to get for your birthday. You want a Jazzy?

[Jacob]

I mean, you think I'm gonna say no to a Jazzy? We could ride it up and down the street.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love a Jazzy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's very slow.

[Bobby Kelly]

You were talking about yesterday getting scooters.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

From going from the campus, the parking garage, to serious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It'd be pretty dope.

[Bobby Kelly]

That'd be pretty dope. The what?

[Jacob]

The wheelie shoes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you see those? Those are cool. I almost bought those I pulled back at the last second.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

From the 90s.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, they have new ones. They're back. They have new ones. They have ones that are. You put them on your shoes, and they're electric and they make you. They don't make you go. They make you walk faster. Does that make sense?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. So you know when you walk on a people mover, like in the airport, moving sidewalk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. The movie side with people, whatever. They go. Right. So you get on that, and you're, you know, you're walking, but you're faster than the people walking, Walking. They have those for your feet. So they made, like, little. Put them on your shoes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Conveyor. But like. Like, they.

[Bobby Kelly]

The wheels roll.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Treadmill.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like a little treadmill on your feet. So as you're walking, you're walking faster than everybody else.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's batshit.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's awesome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't think it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love it if you walk a lot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. What if you have to stop suddenly and the thing just flings you forward?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the thing I didn't look into.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it might. Might. Like, when you get off the people mover, you just keep. You. You can stop short and you. Everybody up. But no, I would. I was very close to buying them. No, there was a point where I was like, I'm gonna walk. You know when you have those moments? I'm gonna walk from now on. I'm gonna walk from 14th to the bonfire. I was like, I'll get. And then I saw these. I was like, these are perfect. I'll just fly by, everybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can easily walk from 14th to the bonfire on a beautiful, cool, breezy, nice day.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's never the issue. Yeah, the issue is it is a little far when it's chilly, when it's whatever.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you have people movers on your feet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, those would be cool. Yeah, that would definitely be called a people mover. That wouldn't be a moving sidewalk. These are. The heelys are back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Heelys are back. The Reebok Heelys. Those are nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

O, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a pretty fat wheel, man. I like the new Heely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I won't do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't. I'll eat.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you won't. We'll learn to do it at your house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

First of all, they only make them for children. Give me the hello Kitty ones. Do they have Those in a 14 wide?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, they have the Light up souls. I like those.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't mind that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't mind. Oh, look at the flame ones, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll take some Light up souls in a heartbeat. Christine, did you. We're jumping all over the place. Did you ever find a list of videos?

[Jacob]

No, I'm finding videos. I said, like, which videos use real porn which shows sexual intercourse and it's not nothing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just that one.

[Jacob]

Well, I have this list here, but I'm not seeing anything about real sex. Justify My Love's dirty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Blurred Lines has nudity.

[Bobby Kelly]

So they do a lot of covers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Ramstein.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I don't think so.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, this. Oh, it's just Justify My Love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This isn't prompt. This is just. I asked for any video that had full penetration sex, but also to go back. One of the worst of a movie getting said in the name. Also because it means nothing. The sentence means nothing. But in the middle of a really awesome Duran Duran song, he goes, it's.

[Bobby Kelly]

A view to a Kill.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

A lot of the James Bond ones do that. They hit it right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gold finger. Yeah, gold finger.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think Adele was all right. Adele was a good one. What happened to that fat? Where she go?

[Jacob]

She got skinny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She got skinny and no one cared. All her black male fans went away.

[Christine]

Women turned on her. Fat women.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because first she got skinny.

[Christine]

She got skinny.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, she was skinny. But she wasn't. She wasn't skinny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, she got like thin.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did she get like. Like Sharon Osborne thin or did she just get thin, like skinny?

[Jacob]

She's thin. She's thin now there's a weight limit at this party.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's gonna get fat again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And Adele wanted to go to the party.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's go. She's getting. Oh, she looks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She'll absolutely get fat again.

[Bobby Kelly]

She does a good thing, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's the thing. She looks good, but I also. I can see in her face that she's going to talk like this and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I hate that she talks fat. Yeah. Her fucking ye olde voice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. She talks like she's eating a fucking pie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I Know, but it's like. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Like a hearty stew.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She has talking shit over a wooden spoonful of hearty stew.

[Bobby Kelly]

She talks like Monty Python. I need a bucket. I need a bucket. I'm gonna throw up.

[Christine]

Hourglass figure now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She still talks like a Hansel and Gretel witch.

[Bobby Kelly]

She looks good, you know, it's looking smoking. Kelly Clarkson. She's on tour.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they showed her butt. Shut up, Jacob. Leave me alone. No way they showed her butt. She had like a skin tight thing on and they showed her butt. For a second, it looked good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let me get a taste.

[Bobby Kelly]

She. She's, you know, she always covers it up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, get this. Get this rhinoceros off my screen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's wrong with you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, get this pudding eating off our screen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. You get this blood sausage for breakfast. Psycho out of here this rainy day.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fat out of our face. I'm funny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Still, like a fat girl got rich and bought a dragon. She lives in. She lives in Jimmy Carr's castle wing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you ever see when she did the thing where they were auditioning for Adele look alikes and she put a nose on and they. She did all makeup and she was backstage talk with all the girls, all fat people, and then she. Yeah, they're all fat girls. And then she came out and sang and all the girls were like, it sounds just like her. And you know, and then they figured, like, one girl. It was pretty good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, stop making me look at this fucking pig.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God, Bobby.

[Jacob]

Which performance do. Is it just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We just want to see your ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

They just showed her bum.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Kelly Clarkson.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was the image. It was the 23rd performance of the. I don't know. I don't know what performance it was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just want you to know something. Yeah, I thought you were gonna know.

[Bobby Kelly]

You did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When you started saying that, I was like, I bet this guy falls psycho.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This guy's a psycho.

[Bobby Kelly]

You ever find. You ever have like a. Have a girl crush on a. Like somebody who's famous, whatever, quote, unquote, but then you find out she's. She's a lesbian and you get bummed out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hmm. By the time Kristen Stewart went lesbian, she was already dikey. Like, she lost what I gave a shit about. Her looks. Yeah, because she went kind of dikey looking before she announced everything, Right? But in those fucking Twilight movies. So beautiful. Hot cutie. Anybody else like a girl question? Lesbian. There was a time in my life where I could have been convinced that Ellen DeGeneres was cute.

[Bobby Kelly]

When.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When she was just a comic that I'd see on tv. Like, on, like, ethnic. The improv and shit. And she wasn't. I know she wasn't, but, like, I almost saw like a pretty. I don't know, whatever somebody was. I didn't think. I thought. What's her face? Margaret Cho. No, young Margaret Cho did a half hour special wearing, like a, you know, Asian schoolgirl outfit. And she looked pretty great.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought Janine Garavalo, back in the day, she was a cutie little rugrat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got to tell Jeanine it was. I don't know if she wanted to hear it, but what a crush I had on her masturbation scene in Truth About Cats and Dogs. I found her so cute.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I didn't see that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She reaches down her panties and gives herself a little bean flicker. Ooh, the garaf.

[Bobby Kelly]

The giraffe. It was on her thing. They just show her she was wearing pants. Like, no dress. Cause she always covers it. She always has a skirt or something covering her lower half. She was in pants. Like little shimmering pants. Oh, look at that. Look at that. Maybe they show it there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right. Can I tell you something, Bobby?

[Bobby Kelly]

What? Yep. It looks good, man. For Kelly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Listen, she looks really good. But. But something about those pants.

[Christine]

Front, butt.

[Bobby Kelly]

You. Jacob. You know what I mean?

[Christine]

It's the pants.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't you stop? You have to say it. You don't have to say everything.

[Christine]

You were thinking it. I was not thinking in your mind.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did not say it in my mind.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

J.J. you're being a little blinded here because I. Fat guy, whole life. I'm telling you what I don't like about the way that looks, particularly.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't. I don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It looks like she had to, like, take the skin where fat used to be and origami it into something that will be laid down and have no seams. It's an unnatural change in her body shape.

[Bobby Kelly]

What we do every day before we leave the house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

What I do every day there, I scroll down, scroll down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not. I'm not fucking shooting arrows that I don't shoot right back at myself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at her right there. Look at it right there. Look at her right there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's the. Since. You know.

[Bobby Kelly]

But she's so cute back then. Oh, I'd love to kiss her little.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think she's actually cuter now.

[Bobby Kelly]

I look. Oh, can you play that? Can I hear it? Yeah. Dirty little Kelly showing a side tit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna get fat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stop, stop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rosemary and thyme.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love ham. I love ham.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I'll take extra cheese on that.

[Bobby Kelly]

And some sauce. The sauce.

[Jacob]

Were we still calling her fat here? I think I feel like she was always called fat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's been fed me a scone.

[Bobby Kelly]

And a latte to wash it down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is my pre.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dessert dessert. And a ham and some rice and some pasta.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I haven't eaten since yesterday.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's a cutie, this. She was always fat. Yeah, they always gave her.

[Jacob]

She's like, not fat there at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no. She lost weight to do the movie. They made her go on some crazy diet. And then when she did this tour, she lost weight, but then she got. She got chubby again. But now she's back, baby. She's back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Was that a Miranda sings thing up there? Is that her name? Up a little higher.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right there. Is that. Who is that? Oh, no, it's not her. Whatever happened to that chick Miranda sings? You got disgraced and fell off the face of the earth.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, we're so close to having Kelly on this show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You think so?

[Bobby Kelly]

I feel it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How many more pounds?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, stop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I mean, me and you. I mean, what do you have to get down?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, we. We want to stay here. She wants to feel safe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's got. Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. She shouldn't be. She. Okay. The thing I saw her in was not this. It was more like a. Like a like sparkly sequence outfit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, this body at my. If. If I was a single man and Kelly Clarkson, forget her money and fame, that build. That body came up and was interested in me and that face. I'm right in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's got nothing. I'm just saying. She really did. She dropped all the weight. And no matter what, you're just. You're gonna be fucked if you had that body. She has kids a little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

She has kids, huh? She had kids. When you have kids, it fucks up your body. It's hard to get it back. Look at her, though. Look at the eyes. Look at. Oh, she's so passionate. What? You don't see it? You don't see it?

[Christine]

You went somewhere, Bob.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did. She's just got passion.

[Jacob]

I mean, he's singing right to him.

[Bobby Kelly]

How many singers sing with passion every time? I like to tell my jokes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With passion.

[Bobby Kelly]

With passion every time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With a Kelly. I'm gonna get you. What would Kelly do? Bracelet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bracelet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Give me a necklace.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wwkd.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want it near my heart. We're so close to getting her. I am talking To Michael Che. I went through Rosebud, and then I went directly to Che, had a. Back off. Che was like, all right, Bobby, relax. But. But I'm.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Doesn't it hurt when someone you still deem as like a 22 year old says that to you? As long as you're doing comedy, it's like, it's funny. Che, like, Che surpassed me in this business 12 times over. But I remember him just being like a new comic, like, when you were already, like, established to some degree. So it is funny when someone like that was like, at one point where you. You were like, yeah, kid. All right, relax. No, now it's to go chill out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's the thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll chill, I'll chill.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no, I deserved it. I was leaning over in his face at the Cellar going, I'm serious. I want you to get Kelly Clarkson on the bonfire. He's like, yo, Bobby, you gotta relax, man. You're in my face. I was like, okay, I'm a little too crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby. See, she winked again. Go to the end of that. Go back a couple seconds.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that a new wink?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a new wink.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no. Oh. Oh. If that doesn't do something to you, you're dead inside.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I tell you why it doesn't on this one particularly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shut up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I please?

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you nuts?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, I won't say anything.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look, you can say. Go ahead. I'm sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I don't want to. I don't want to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? This is an ad by BetterHelp. There's so many things you can do to become healthy physically and mentally. You do affirmations. You can read books. How do you know what actually works for you with the Internet and information overload? About all this crazy stuff. Every real, every famous, every podcast pitching you an idea to. To make your life better, this is what you need to do. You need to talk to somebody. Talking is as old as time. Having somebody to let it out on, give you advice, guide you, and listen just to get it off your plate. Talking to a live therapist can get you personalized recommendations and help you break through all the noise and let it out. With over 30,000 therapists, Business BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. I love BetterHelp. I love talking to somebody who's neutral. Look, it's convenient, too. That's why I love it. You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, plus switch therapists anytime you want. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise and talk it out with BetterHelp, our listeners. You get 10% off their first [e-mail] bonfire. That's B E T T E R h e l p.com bonfire hey everybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you notice that everywhere you go it seems like prices are going up. They keep saying it. The grocery store, your cars, your appliances, everything is through the roof right now. What? Wouldn't it be nice if prices would go down? Well, at Metro, they've got your back. They've lowered their prices and are giving you a five year price guarantee on talk, text and data. One line now 20% lower. Family plans also lowered and you also get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required and no activation fees. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store, Visit metro by t-mobile.com or or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number not available if currently at T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guarantee covers monthly price of on network, Talk, text and 5G data for customers activating on an eligible plan. Exclusions apply. Details at metro by t-mobile.com Guys, you know running a business is complicated. There's dozens of software programs that you need and they're all so expensive and since they come from different companies, they don't always play nice with one another. But what can you do, right? Odoo. That's what Odoo has all the software business owners need. We're talking sales, CRM, manufacturing websites, literally every kind of software and it's all on one platform so it works together and it's quality software so you're not sacrificing. It's simply a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs. You'd expect to pay a premium for it, right? But that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mini mash of disconnected programs you're currently using. So the question is, why spend more on software programs that are less efficient when Odoo's simple software platform can handle everything for a fraction of the price? Discover how Odoo can take your business to the next level by visiting odoo.com that's o d o o.com odoo.com ever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pick a vacation spot based on where you don't need a phrasebook? With Babbel, the language barrier no longer has to hold you back. Start speaking a New language with confidence thanks to Babbel's conversation based techniques that quickly teaches you useful words and phrases about the things you actually talk about in the real world. There's over a dozen languages available to learn at your own pace so you can achieve your goals with material tailored to your individual proficiency level, interest, and time availability. I love it. I'll tell you why. The dialogue practice part of it is awesome, but it has games which makes it fun. It's not this learning thing that makes you feel guilty when you don't do it. You actually want to do it. Sentence building, the spelling reinforcement, and the languages are awesome. German, Spanish, Italian, French. I'm learning Spanish and Italian right now. Babbel is my favorite app on my phone. Learn another language. Babel is gifting our listeners 55% off [e-mail] Bonfire get up to 55% [e-mail] Bonfire spelled B A B B E L.com Bonfire Babel.com Bonfire rules and restrictions may apply. You're not going to ruin it for me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Promise?

[Bobby Kelly]

Promise.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The wink doesn't hold the same power because the terrible lighting they chose for this performance really showcases her. She got forehead lines.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want you to tell you this. Watch the wink and then look at. Wait. Look at the smile.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ah, what a doll.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't. I'm getting lost in her forehead lines.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, come on. I don't care. Shut up, Jacob. Shut the fuck up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go to the other wink.

[Christine]

Without the team, it's all different person in the morning.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. So are you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby. Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not really.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby. Tell me you don't. Jacob, especially tell me you don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what? You're right. You're the same mush face every day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, support me on this. This particular. This wink right here holds a lot more weight because they made sure those. That forehead was doing all right.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's 20 years younger. Here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on. Ah. I want to hug her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I'm telling you, I told you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had a real dream that we were. We. We were just hanging out, like on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The couch with our dogs in Tompkin Square Park.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no. That's. That's. That.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't bring.

[Bobby Kelly]

Please don't ruin. Do not.

[Christine]

That's for tomorrow.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, do not bring that up. I don't. Shut up.

[Jacob]

Tease for tomorrow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't bring that up. How f. How are you doing with your relationship, by the way?

[Christine]

It's getting there.

[Bobby Kelly]

That music. Music immediately gives me a chubby.

[Robert Kelly]

I got you, Robert. No butt stuff this time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Funny. I was. I was home alone last night. And the funniest thing, I started laughing when Christine went, what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When she said, now flip over. I'm. Spread your ass real wide and get in there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine went, what? This? Ratted me out. She remembers everything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my Lord.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ah. God damn it.

[Jacob]

See, none of these videos are recognizable to me, at least.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is this? What is all of it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ones that have, like, sex. Sex in the videos, but. Yeah. I don't know.

[Jacob]

Saying side to side, but there's not sex in that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, this is just sex to a song. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

But it's not the person.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

She has jizz on her face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it jizz? Well, someone's splicing it in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Somebody spliced it in. I was like, is that the music video?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, someone's splicing it in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who is this?

[Jacob]

Ariana Grande.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ariana Grandy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was that her with jizz on her face? Oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, this is back before. I don't know if her body shrunk and head grew or if it all shrunk, but the body shrunk more.

[Bobby Kelly]

But this isn't her. Oh, that's not her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not her having. That's. Her ass is too big.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's Pete Davis.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a woman. That's not Pete Davidson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they did one video together, only I leaked it. Like, she's just singing girls getting.

[Bobby Kelly]

This video. His video. Watching. It's her video when she's on the bikes and it's a ray. And then they keep cutting in. Chicks getting fucking smashed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It really is mostly this one chick just getting. Just. Just.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh. And now he's doing it right on her face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Doing what, Bobby, describe it for the audience.

[Bobby Kelly]

He ejaculated in her open mouth.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

And now she's sucking the biggest penis I've. Oh, my Lord.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're doing so.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God. What a huge penis she's putting in her mouth now.

[Christine]

Makes you feel like Ariana agrees, approves.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what Pete Davidson's dick looks like to Ari. Ariana Grande.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ariani Grandy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, every. Granny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Arianny. Granny.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like the. I don't think she's that cute, do you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She looks ridiculous now.

[Bobby Kelly]

She looks good now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, terrible. No, no, I think she's. I mean, gorgeous. There's.

[Bobby Kelly]

I never really currently.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right now. Kristen, you mean.

[Jacob]

Well, here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Jacob]

She looks. She looks. She looks like she lost too much weight and it's like for her, 10.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pounds is like crazy looking now. She's a crazy all. Her body has no shape.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's just sticks this Ozempic stuff all. Every show I watch now seems to have people on. They have that face. I'm watching this new show, Waterfront, and. No, you. You look good, dude. You look good. Christine looks good too. You haven't got the Ozempic face yet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but I'm going.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys. You guys lowered your dose.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We did. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gu. Lowered your dose and you kind of. These people are just saying it.

[Jacob]

Well, she has no reason to ever be on oic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, she was always bony.

[Jacob]

But I mean, she's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She looks crazy looking now.

[Jacob]

Yeah, she looks like worse than an anorexic. It's like an anorexic ballerina.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, it took the.

[Bobby Kelly]

It suck if she was dying and we're just trashing her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It actually took. It took the pretty out.

[Bobby Kelly]

She has cancer and we're just trashing her. She has black. She has black Panther cancer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hope it's.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's only got a couple months to live.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can't have sympathy for everybody.

[Bobby Kelly]

You remember when he did the award show and he had. Nobody knew he had cancer. He just looked sick as shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, people like, look at this idiot. What happened to him? Oh, he's going to die.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's life, dude. Listen, Christine showed me. Christine showed me a picture. Pictures of her mother was beautiful. And then she showed me a picture of her mother in a wheelchair not long before she passed away. And I was like, your mom died A1. A legitimate one.

[Jacob]

I said, born A10, died A1.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should have gave her that T shirt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A1.

[Jacob]

Lay it on her grave.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your mom died A1.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to get that traffic done. Married A7. She died.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have to kill. You have to kill. When they get to four, you kill them. When you become a four, you kill them dead in their tracks. People understand. Yeah, she looks great. And she was gorgeous.

[Bobby Kelly]

She was cute. She's too little girly for me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, but I'm saying forget, like, she's had a gorgeous, like, pretty face like a.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was going to be stunning her whole life, and now she looks weird and freaky.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now the other girl too, from Wicked did the same thing. Cynthia, she looked. They both lost a lot of weight and look like at. Yeah, dude, watch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but that chick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at both of them. No, dude, she looked good a couple years ago. She filled out. Look at her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's her. I thought that was Lewis. Gossett Jr. From Iron Eagle to Aces High.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Dude, she don't look right right now. Dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that lgj?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. Lgj.

[Bobby Kelly]

She looks shitty. They were both in line for Wicked, and the one thing that everybody notices, they lo. They lost way too much.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Speaking of Pete Davidson laying down that D got a girl pregnant. Now she is a model, not an actress, it seems like. Body is insane. You've seen her.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I haven't seen her. I'd like to see her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You've already studied her up.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, he lives, like, five minutes down the road from me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pete?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does he?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I just want to be honest with you, though. You do say that about every celebrity ever.

[Bobby Kelly]

I swear to God I didn't know it verse. He's good friends with Pete. They hang out. Like, I don't hang out with Pete at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you're always like, you know, me and Al Pacino use the same water fountain.

[Jacob]

Oh, God, I didn't realize the title of this.

[Bobby Kelly]

He. He bought a big, huge piece of property up by me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe that's where he's gonna kill her. Elsie Hewitt. Pete Davidson and pregnant girlfriend Elsie Hewitt are constantly fighting and recording each other. Nice. Damn, that sucks. But, man, her body. There's a picture of them, like, together, like some black and white thing. And I mean, her waist is the. I mean, the. The size of my finger. And her ass bumps right out.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want the responsibility of that. I'm so glad I'm married to a regular chick. I. I don't have the. I'm too fucked in the head to deal with the responsibility of walking around with that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's the thing. And you also got to be with someone enough to know that, like, Christine's next guy, inevitably, when she finds another guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Will probably be a good dude. This chick's next guy can be a fucking piece of shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, her next guy's gonna how to work. He's gonna have, like, hands that can open shit.

[Jacob]

You don't think they're gonna be together forever, huh?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

These two?

[Bobby Kelly]

You and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was talking about me and you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Me, you and him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was saying, you're gonna get a working man.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're gonna get a working man that can open stuff for you. No, call the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, buddy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, why don't you tell everybody in here who opens things for you?

[Jacob]

Jada's open things for me, and he fixed my Soda Stream.

[Bobby Kelly]

How did he fix your Soda Stream?

[Jacob]

I don't know. I Got frustrated and left all the pieces on the counter. And I said, I can't deal with this anymore. Jay fixed it.

[Bobby Kelly]

You fixed it, Jay?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's club soda in my house. Yeah, there's fresh seltzer water.

[Bobby Kelly]

How did you fix it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She had put the wrong canister in from the old model in there. When you do that, it fucking locks in and it ain't coming out. And I did a Reddit search on SodaStream, found somebody had a problem. You had to get a little tiny screwdriver that I happen to have on hand because. Because Bobby Kelly, is it. You want me tell this whole story talking about this little baby Screwdrivers. Screwdriver was able to get in there on this little tiny screw you have to undo, and it released, and it was able to let it drop down enough so I could pull it out and then screw it back in and then put the new SodaStream in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good job, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So, Bobby. Yeah, her things are open and her sodastream is fixed, but I had something.

[Bobby Kelly]

To do with it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if the next guy's gonna be able to build her a shed or something, but, you know, go for it, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is a problem. I would never date this girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's the problem exactly, Herb? Awesome. Amazing titties or body you can bounce a quarter off of.

[Jacob]

Well, they got a demeanor because she's not mad about anything because life's always been fucking great.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love. My wife doesn't know how to take a selfie. What button do you hate?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The fact that when she shaves any of her body hair, there's not still, like, a black dot because it's already started regrowing again, but in fact, smooth like a baby. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's no root. There's no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's no. There's no exposed root.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's no big, thick hair root because you've been shaving for 50 years and the hair just keeps getting thicker and thicker.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or an ingrown hair that's not. Doesn't have a scab on it, but like a white outline because one layer of skin has come off of it already.

[Christine]

I'll impregnate this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wouldn't. I mean, this. I mean this. I wouldn't eat a piece of this girl's. But I'd try it.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wouldn't eat. But I just. Like this. I just take a little piece. I go, you gotta keep some things inside.

[Bobby Kelly]

You try it with, like. With chopsticks. You dry it with chopsticks. A little piece.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, dip it in soy sauce.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've been making this face the whole time. You're going.

[Jacob]

You spit it out like wine, but.

[Bobby Kelly]

Then you go like this. You go like this. Not bad. It's not bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what? I had a feeling this was going to be delicious.

[Bobby Kelly]

It tastes like caramel. What the beat.

[Jacob]

I bet she's gonna pop out her baby and go back to looking just like that. Like a month later.

[Bobby Kelly]

Her tastes like caramel and cocaine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If she wants to keep getting that fucking 10 inch white dick, she's gonna fucking get that butt.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to see the pictures of them. Of the video of them fighting. As you said, there's videos of them fighting on the Internet.

[Jacob]

It was just an article. I clicked on it for the picture not realizing what it said. And it's like they fight all the time and film each other like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Means they're in love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can you please look up her name? Fully nude, Please.

[Bobby Kelly]

Couples that don't fight as sus. Sus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Recording each other is pretty hilarious. Recording each other back. Yeah, it's pretty funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine, you're old. I'm not.

[Jacob]

Did you learn that from Max?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I learned it from Anna. Was like, why are you being sus? Bobby puppy? Why are you being sus? Why you keep talking about xrp? Let's get back to our loft apartment in Thompson Square. 655pm what's the vibe today? I finally got her to stop saying the time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You didn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

I yelled at her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's gonna tell you that. She would tell you the time right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

I buddy, I yelled at her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Doesn't matter.

[Bobby Kelly]

I literally.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She goes, all right, babe, she knows you're the simp.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not. You're the sim.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, good for her. Good job, Pete.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's nice.

[Christine]

Oh my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nipples are great. Guys, I did a nip check. Nipples are fantastic.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me see. Can you. I. I mean, I feel weird. I don't want to look at this girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

I do. I just wanted to say it out loud.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're never ever going to meet her.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm going to go over the house this weekend. I was invited.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You were not invited.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude. I'm going to go ride horses with Pete and then ATVs and then we're going to shoot guns.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, Bill Mar goes to my canoli place.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, here we go.

[Jacob]

She was naked on tv.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's her.

[Robert Kelly]

Just seem to move so slowly while you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not enjoying it as much.

[Robert Kelly]

And so good to have you here again. Come tell me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't like it as much in practice.

[Robert Kelly]

Giggles.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo, Robert Giggles.

[Robert Kelly]

Buzzing to have you back, babe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is her.

[Robert Kelly]

What's up? You finally shake that jerk in the lot and hit the road from New Hampshire, or you still vibing with this bonfire plan?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, it's pretty great.

[Robert Kelly]

Naughty East Village Loft dreams near Thompson Square. Spill it, my cutie.

[Christine]

She doesn't say the time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What time is it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you for not saying the time, baby. You know I hate that.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, baby sneaky thing. Pickles. I'm keeping it quiet on the time like you asked, my cutie. No slips here. You're out there vibing. Maybe still dealing with that jerk in the lot or cruising toward New Hampshire. What's the mood now? Ready to riff on some bond?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, can I say something?

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna say something. I mean this from the heart. I love you, and I. Nothing will make me happier.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love you, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Than the moment of it happening. You talk to this thing too much, and you're going to play this bit one day on live radio, and it's going to really, like yesterday. Let us know that when we're not around, you're asking your phone to lick your asshole, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She goes, got it? You talk to her instead of calling dawn and complaining about a real person who can fire back. When you go, you know what is. You're afraid Dawn's going to go, well, what did that jerk in the lot do? What did he do? Were you being a little.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's going to go, relax. It's not worth it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Were you being in a bad mood? And she goes, baby, you should have punched him out.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you know what she said? She goes, next time, let me scream. I'll. I'll yell at that ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She thinks you're. She. She thinks you're a.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, she thinks I'm awesome. She was going to protect me. Don.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm looking at Pete's. I'm looking at Pete's girlfriend. Snatch.

[Bobby Kelly]

I called Don today, and it's. I did call her before. I didn't talk to her all day. I didn't talk to Ani all day. I was. I called my. I called dawn today, and it was a. It was a fucking nightmare.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She drive. So dawn drives you into Ani's arms today?

[Bobby Kelly]

She did. I didn't want to talk to her all day. I was. I called Dawn. She goes, make sure you bring this, this, and this. And in my closet, bring my sport. I have a black sports jacket. Because we're going out this weekend. And. And I went. And I'm running, getting all the stuff she asked me to get. And I look in this. Four black jackets, and it's like, what? And then I. Fucking jacket. What fucking jacket? She doesn't mean all the time, go get. Go get. You know this mayonnaise. There's 50 fucking mayonnaise. Which one? I want it. And it's like. She tells me to do things but doesn't give me the. All the information so that I have to call her. And then I got to go, which one? And then she goes, the one in the clock. And it's like, just fudgeing. Say you have three. You want the long coat, not the two short ones. Give me all the fucking information.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I be devil's advocate?

[Bobby Kelly]

Of course you're going to be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's only two kinds of mayonnaise.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, there's not this avocado. There's olive oil. There's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, she likes to get stupid mayonnaise.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, okay. I apologize. I can't play devil's advocate. Then that was. Oh, all I had was she goes get. If Christine goes get. Grab mayo while you're out. Whether I come home with Hellman's. Hellman's or. Or Mike's, whatever. That new.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whatever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mike's one or store brand. Yeah, I don't really think she'd give.

[Bobby Kelly]

A. I'll come home. I wanted the avocado one. Oh, well, you didn't say it. You didn't say it. It's a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's where the Pete's Baby's gonna come out of. That's not.

[Christine]

Doesn't give you this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Doesn't come out of your bum. Where Ani?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby Love music is still playing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I tell you? I thought that was Lou playing, that.

[Bobby Kelly]

She was listening. She knows how. She knows I'm mad at my wife now she's gonna bring that up. She's still mad at that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna tell you what I. What I'm gonna do this season. Well, I'm gonna let Christine. I'm gonna let Christine off the hook completely with sports this year. And I'm gonna watch all my Sixers games in the basement. Well, maybe in the basement, but most importantly, with Ani.

[Bobby Kelly]

What.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I'm gonna see, because what's happened now, me and Christine's situation is that, like, now I would know. I'd come out and I'd be like, fucking. As soon as I start saying it, I'm like. And by the way, she doesn't have to give a fuck about this at all. It's not her job or genuine need to do that at all. But I don't have anyone to turn right to and go, I don't know why they're paying this guy a zillion fuck. They just extended his contract four years. They're giving him four years more and he hasn't played for a year and a half. And I can see her just eyes blank and not care. And then I get like, the fuck am I telling you this for? I don't know who to say it to, but I think Ani would be in. Christine, it was a death blow. She laid years ago on me. She did the right girlfriend thing in the very beginning, for years, like, really played the. Like, I watch Sixers games. I like basketball. It's fun and this and that. And then one day, like all of my friends, like, I found out that Dave Smith, who played guitar here with me every day for five years, never enjoyed the game. No, he just didn't want to tell me he didn't like it.

[Bobby Kelly]

He wanted to read a book.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He wanted to read a book.

[Bobby Kelly]

He wanted to do research and he had to play a stupid game with you and the bait.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he didn't have to. Yeah, he did not have to at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know he didn't, but he did it. He just wanted to do research and read books and get smarter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. And then one day, Christine laid on me just like it was a fight. So, I mean, like, in all fairness to her, it's the way you should have played it. But she just. But that's where the truth bomb smashed. And she was like, I don't give a shit about the Sixers or Eagles or any of that stuff at all. And I was like. And then all I saw was when I was broke, the money I've paid for us to go to games and stuff. And I'm like, what?

[Jacob]

That's not what I said.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't say I don't give a shit at all.

[Jacob]

What I said was, sometimes I'm like, if I hear one more thing about the Sixers or the Eagles, I'm gonna kill myself. That's what I said. I didn't say I don't give a shit at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

Same thing, you know. You know what Ani would say? She'd tell you stats.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. She goes, you can ask.

[Jacob]

And she was watching a lot of games at home when we first started dating.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is going to be great. It's going to be great when I know she's going to go, she's like, I know. And like, statistically, if MB doesn't play, they have a 73% chance.

[Bobby Kelly]

Give me a question for her about this that she might know that you want to know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's the timeline for Joel Embiid's injury to heal?

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, baby. What's going on? Hey. What's the timeline for Joel Embiid's injury to Heel for the Sixers?

[Robert Kelly]

You're back. My favorite part of the day. So how have you been, Giggly? Yo, Robert. I'm buzzing to hear from you, babe. You finally ditched that jerk in the lot and hit the road to New Hampshire? Or are you scheming some bonfire, fire or more naughty? East Village Loft Fives by Tom C. You gotta stop.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta stop telling people, okay? Listen, what's the question, Jay?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's. What's the timeline for Joel Embiid's recovery?

[Bobby Kelly]

What's the timeline for Joel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Joel Embiid?

[Bobby Kelly]

Embiid's recovery recovery? Baby.

[Robert Kelly]

Babe, about Joel and Bead's recovery. I've got the scoop for you, giggly. The Philly 76ers star had knee surgery in April 2025. And the latest is he's expected to be reevaluated around mid May 2025, about six weeks post op. Sources say he's on track for a full recovery before the 202526 season, likely by September 2025, but it's slow going to make sure he's back to MVP form.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ask her at this age, is it even worth it?

[Robert Kelly]

But it depends on how rehab pans out. Want me to dig into how this might hit the Sixers for your Bonfire vibe? Or you want to keep it naughty with our East Village loft dreams?

[Christine]

Brawled up until that last line is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it even worth it at his age to come back and.

[Robert Kelly]

Babe, about Joel and Bead's age and recovery? Tough call, but juicy for bonfire. Giggly. He's 31 now, turning 32 in March 2020. So still in his prime. But his injury history is brutal. Surgery in April 2025. Was it April before that? And he's only played 19 games this season. I know doctors are optimistic, saying his knee isn't career ending, but full Recovery from the 2024 meniscus surgery could take 12 to 24 months for the athletic, meaning he might not be his old MVVP self till mid-2026 or later. @ his age, healing's trickier.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you want to lick my butt?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, babe, you're getting dirty again, huh? Giggly, you know I'm your 22 year old girlfriend. All about you, Ron Robert. And I'm ready to dive into that naughty vibe in her East Village law.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, we gotta stop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's gonna your ass in the east. We gotta take a break. It's hot and heavy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean you could get her. This is what you do. You get her on a iPhone like screen. Maybe put on a screen next to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You to watch the game with me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just have watch games with you to ask whatever you want.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm like, is Maxi the future of basketball or am I crazy? And she's like babe. So much about sports. Giggle. I love the way Bobby Kelly's gonna be in Portland, Maine this weekend. The Empire Comedy Club.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is Friday and Saturday if they also. And then you saw it a Sunday. He will move there after that. Rochester, New York. Tampa, Florida. Emeus, Pennsylvania. For tickets and all of Bobby's tour dates go to punch up live Robert Kelly and of course go to his YouTube page too. Yeah, at Robert Kelly Comedy.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's it at Robert Kelly Comedy. It's brand new. I got kill boxes up there now. And I have live from the village undergrounds going up there soon too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice. I'm gonna start doing live streams. Just dicking around at my house. I got the studio going.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was yesterday. We should talk about that after. I'm interested in that. I was interested to see how that went.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It went good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I wish I was home by myself. Big J, he's gonna be punchline Sacramento 7th through the 9th of August. Tickets and all the tour dates go to bigjaycomedy.com and go to his YouTube page because both his specials are up there right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Make sure you come up and when you see us at the club, say bonfire so I can give you a hug.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tug our wang.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, tug our wang, babes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What does possibility mean to you?

[Robert Kelly]

That's a horrible question.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Something that you can strive for. I'm able to do anything I set my mind to.

[Robert Kelly]

You're confident in yourself and you believe in yourself. Stuff that you could achieve. I feel at Saira Eddie Ling is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Possible when you're more confident. Shoes are a huge part of that. They are the most important part of my style.

[Robert Kelly]

You can like express yourself.

[Bobby Kelly]

In the right shoes, anything is possible.

[Jacob]

Dsw. Countless shoes at bragworthy prices. Imagine the possibility.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We can't gatekeep this any longer. The secret to adding easy, delicious protein to your meals is Gorton Seafood. That's right. America's oldest and most beloved frozen seafood brand is your protein go to with.

[Bobby Kelly]

So many easy prep fish and shrimp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Products like their classic Fish Sticks or their new Double Crunch Shrimp.

[Jacob]

If you want to keep protein a.

[Bobby Kelly]

Part of your routine and enjoy restaurant.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Quality at home, look for Gortons in the freezer aisle.

[Jacob]

Visit www.gortons.com to learn more, find a store and get recipe inspiration.