Catch a Girl, Freak a Girl w/Reggie Conquest

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Episode: Catch a Girl, Freak a Girl w/Reggie Conquest
Date: October 30, 2025
Guest: Reggie Conquest

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bonfire delivers the show’s signature mix of outrageous storytelling, candid humor, and unfiltered nostalgia. Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, joined by guest comedian Reggie Conquest and friends, reminisce about childhood games, hilarious hookups gone awry on the road, and the unglamorous realities of adult intimacy. The hosts and guests share personal stories involving church, youth group shenanigans, sexual misadventures, relationship challenges, and the oddities of porn and adult toys. The episode is playful, packed with political incorrectness, and steeped in camaraderie.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Black Church vs Catholic Church Experiences

• The group humorously debates the merits of Black church vs Catholic church, focusing on the lively, musical atmosphere of Black church services.
• Timestamp 01:41–03:15
  • Jay and Bobby agree Black church “rules” and reminisce about children's church, where kids played their own games while parents worshipped.

Big Jay: "Black church rules." (01:41)

• Discussion shifts to the infamous "children's church" and mischievous activities like playing “truth or dare” and “catch a girl, freak a girl” in church basements (03:09).

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2. "Catch a Girl, Freak a Girl" and Other Childhood Games

• Reggie explains the playground game “Catch a Girl, Freak a Girl,” its rules, and its place in Black inner-city childhoods versus the suburban spins like “Spin the Bottle” and “Seven Minutes in Heaven.”

  • Timestamp 03:31–04:41
  • Notable Quote:

    Chris: "It's basically like tag, but we called it catch a girl, freak a girl." (04:08)

• The group jokes about the awkwardness, heartbreak, and social dynamics these games introduced early.

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3. Truth or Dare, Kevin Hart Stories, and Group Hookups

• The comics recount wild nights from their early comedy days, including playing “Truth or Dare” with girls after shows, wild dares, and competitive scenarios involving other comedians—most notably Kevin Hart.
  • Timestamp 05:14–09:48
    • Jay shares an outrageous story about a woman offering to hook up with him and two other comics (“I was rattled… Are you kidding? I thought she was kidding.” - 06:24)
    • Bobby and Jay discuss the logistics and jealousy of group hookups when one participant is notably more well-endowed.

Bobby: "There's nothing worse than being in a room with a guy with a huge dick." (09:49)
Jay: "But that's a five-foot-three guy with a huge dick. Pulling his dick out..." (08:10)

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4. Rejection, "I'm Good," and Comedic Humiliation

• Jay describes swooping in on the “least attractive” girl of a group, only to be rejected in favor of another comic—a scenario retold with self-deprecating gusto.
  • Timestamp 13:05–16:35
  • The phrase “I’m good” becomes a running joke, symbolizing polite but crushing romantic rejection.

Big Jay: "She turned right around, but that was the best. Patrice—I mean, Patrice—oh yeah: I'm good." (16:27)

• Bobby relates similar experiences of being one-upped by opening comics he brought on tour.

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5. Porn, Sex Toys, and Post-Nut Clarity

• The crew riffs on the disappointments of using sex toys (Fleshlight, dick pumps) and the existential angst that follows masturbation (“What have I become?”).
  • Timestamp 25:02–28:17
  • Cleaning logistics, embarrassment, and secrecy around toy use prompt lots of laughs.

Chris: "I felt like such a loser when I finished." (25:48)
Bobby: "As soon as you're done, you realize what a hunk of shit you are." (27:58)

• They debate preferred porn platforms and technologies, weighing the merits and dangers of using phones vs laptops, and confessing to deleting browser histories.

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6. Lust, Cheating, and Relationship Dynamics

• Chris discusses the enduring struggle with lust and cheating, seeking advice from older comics on self-control and when/if the urges ever fade.
  • Timestamp 33:07–36:34
  • The comics share practical (if tongue-in-cheek) advice about using Snapchat for illicit flirting over Instagram DMs ("Everything you write disappears." - 34:32).

Chris: "When does the lust go away? Cause I got in trouble, I cheated and I got caught…" (33:11)
Bobby: "It goes away from wanting to have sex with the person you love... But when you go on the road, you want to have sex with yourself a lot." (33:29)

• Jay and Bobby joke about open relationships, sharing nudes with spouses, and unconventional partnership setups.

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7. Shoutouts, Plugs, and Support for Reggie Conquest

• The episode wraps with praise for Reggie’s recent TV work, particularly his sex scene on HBO’s Insecure.
  • Timestamp 37:08–37:53
  • Hosts encourage listeners to check out Reggie’s live stand-up shows and social media.

Big Jay: "Video of yourself, sex scene is one of my favorite things that's ever gone out on social media. I'm just cheering you on." (37:34)
Bobby: "You're killing it, man. You're a great actor too, dude. Thank you, man." (37:47)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Big Jay: “Captured the flag, but with heartbreak.” (04:20)
• Bobby: “Truth or dare is such a great—to give the girl the excuse to be a slut.” (05:21)
• Chris: “You could just almost see her wanting to be in there with them.” (09:37)
• Bobby: “There’s nothing worse than being in a room with a guy with a huge dick.” (09:49)
• Big Jay: “What did Martin Luther King die for?” [On trying to persuade women to accept a white guy in an all-black hang] (17:41)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Church hijinks & childhood games: 01:41–05:14
• Group hooks-ups, Truth or Dare, Kevin Hart stories: 05:14–09:48
• Dealing with romantic rejection (“I’m good”): 13:05–16:35
• Sex toys & post-masturbation regrets: 25:02–28:17
• Porn, privacy, and digital habits: 28:17–32:34
• Cheating advice, DMs, relationship confessions: 33:07–36:34
• Reggie Conquest plugs and supportive close: 37:08–37:53

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Tone and Language

The episode is brash, unfiltered, heavily self-deprecating, and full of roast-style camaraderie. The conversation meanders from explicit storytelling to moments of raw honesty about insecurity, relationships, and the awkward parts of life as a touring comic.

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Final Notes

The Bonfire shines brightest with episodes like these where hilarious, random storytelling intertwines with genuinely revealing anecdotes. If you’re a fan of stand-up comedy’s backstage reality—or just want to laugh at the weird, embarrassing parts of the human condition—this episode is a must-listen.

Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With my job, I can't drink during the week. Weekends are a different story.

[Adrian]

Ugh.

[Sponsor Voice]

After eight hours of this, I have earned my wine.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what I'm saying?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My family is a lot. It takes me four beers just to hang out with them.

[Chris]

Binge drinking isn't all college kids doing keg stands. Oregonians in their 30s and 40s binge drink at close to the same rates as younger people, raising our risk for.

[Bobby Kelly]

Long term health problems.

[Chris]

[e-mail] an OHA initiative.

[Adrian]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly. God, this show's gotten so musical now that we're all artists.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's why our now. Give it. Give it the French. Let him play a little bit.

[Chris]

They used to have this in church.

[Bobby Kelly]

See what you got.

[Chris]

They used to do this in church. Oh, I don't have a. I don't have a beat with him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, right there. That's it.

[Chris]

They used to do the double clapping shirts. That's like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Black church rules.

[Bobby Kelly]

Black church does rule.

[Chris]

You ever just go for fun?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I did.

[Chris]

I did.

[Bobby Kelly]

At one time. I did. It was the funnest thing ever.

[Chris]

It was a good time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They sang. I mean, that one, it's one of my favorite videos. We said we would never show because we don't want to make fun of Derek and his mom because I'm sure she's lovely. And Derek's great. Derek Gaines. Oh, there's a video of him giving testimony or something. And then they cut to his mom in church, and the pastors just have footage of it. And they're like. They're like, is there? We got some blessings going out to a young man. Comedian Derek Gaines. I understand his mom's in the house. And they go upstairs. Mom. She's like, wow. It's like Price is Right. I mean, she zips back and forth, all back and forth. And at one point I was like, derek, we showed on Allegiance. Gangsty was like, please don't make fun of my mama, man. I was like, we never showed it.

[Chris]

I do remember that video.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's Great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, well, Catholic church is boring as.

[Chris]

Yeah, it is. I went to one. Yeah. I went to one one time. It wasn't fun at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not fun. And you're just waiting for that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The.

[Bobby Kelly]

The body of Christ just to get a little snack because you get peckish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I will say.

[Chris]

And y' all don't have children's church.

[Bobby Kelly]

What does that mean?

[Chris]

Like, you don't all the kids have to stay with the adults the whole service?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

No, And. And. And black church. We had children's church, and it would go before the. The ceremony, before the word. Children's got to go to children's church.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, where do. Where do the children go when the adults go to regular church?

[Chris]

Downstairs in the basement. That's where we got to play truth or dare.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys were downstairs fingering each other while your parents were upstairs?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a better church.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black church rules.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Catholic. The Catholic. The Catholic kids are just getting sucked off by the priest.

[Chris]

Yeah. Church is wild.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To the movie sinners. The juke joint downstairs.

[Chris]

Yeah. Black church is where I learned black. Children's church is where I played truth or dare and all Catch a girl, freak a girl, all that stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait, what's Catch a girl freak?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You get her and then you grind up.

[Chris]

It was. It's kind of wild to say, but in Philly, it was. It was catch a girl, freak a girl, and if she. But it only.

[Bobby Kelly]

You said catch a girl freak. I'm from Boston. You guys say you don't know what. Catch a girl freak a girl, is it?

[Chris]

No, but she had to like you. Like, you couldn't. Like I couldn't tag you, and you don't like me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait a minute. There's tagging involved.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It.

[Chris]

It's just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's a childish way to. Without having to have a weird conversation. But I like you, you like me. It's like you gotta let the guy you like grab you and then hop up on you.

[Chris]

It's basically like tag, but we called it catch a girl freaking girl.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you tag her and then you get.

[Chris]

If she like you, you get a kiss or whatever, but if she don't like you, it's like, get away from me. Get the fuck away from me. Oh, shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. It was also setting you up to feel terrible. It was like, captured a flag, but with heartbreak.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Danced on them. Like, whatever, whatever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, I caught you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's what I thought, too.

[Chris]

Get a little. Little smooch. Little grab. Catch a Girl.

[Adrian]

Freaky Girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was pretty innocent.

[Chris]

It was innocent.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that a. A black, black dude thing? Cuz I've never heard of that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was pretty black.

[Chris]

I thought he would play that. You know what I'm talking about? Absolutely, yes. Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You played Catch a Girl. Freaky Girl.

[Chris]

Yeah, but we called it something different. I don't remember. Yeah, everybody got every. Every black inner city got a different date rape. Wait, where are you from? Jersey. Oh, okay. Yeah. So every city got a different name for it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, we had. You had Spin the Bottle. Seven Minutes.

[Chris]

We never played Spin the Battle. And Seven Minutes of Heaven never was a thing. I didn't grow up with that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Never did Seven Minutes in Heaven. Definitely did spin the bottle. Truth or Dare, though, was big.

[Chris]

Truth or dare was Truth or dare was.

[Bobby Kelly]

I played that into my 30s.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me too. I've got an inordinate amount of truth or dare games in me with Kevin Hart.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Truth or dare is such a great. To give the girl the excuse to be a slut.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you have limited to no game, as I have had, especially when I was younger and you're going into some and they see you perform, but you're also not like the dude. You're not a big deal. It's just. Again, it's an easy way without having to get rejected.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You could just go and just start Truth or Dare.

[Chris]

Truth or dare.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then eventually you'll get the vibe of. It's like, should I dare her to blow all of us?

[Chris]

You know the vibe when a girl's like, let's just play truths. And you're like, oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'll tell you the truth. This stinks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I want to leave the story I told an Ari's thing. The first thing I ever. Or maybe the second story I told three. So me and my buddy Glenn and Kurt Metzger and this one girl, and she did that. We were playing truth or dare, and we're making, like the dares. And then eventually she goes. She goes. She goes, it's getting late. Like, should I just fuck all three of you? And we're like, hold on now. Whoa.

[Bobby Kelly]

I still have another truth.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To be honest, I was rattled. It took me a second to regroup. Cause I was like, all right, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That never happens like that. Are you kidding? I thought she was kidding.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because you. There is. You have to do truth, truth, truth, and then a dare. But the dare is like, you know, do something stupid and then your friends watch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Kidding. But she Wasn't kidding. She was just fat.

[Chris]

Your friends would throw you a bone. Like, if we're on teams, you're like, yo, dare me to do somewhere. You know?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You have to have like a pre plan.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's what Kevin Hart got me bad. That was. We did a black college, brought back these three girls. One gorgeous, all black chicks. The other two looked like they were twins. And they had like cornrows, but like not attractive ones. Like six total.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like two big thick ones on the side, two big ones on the top.

[Bobby Kelly]

They actually look like corn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

It looked like corn.

[Chris]

I don't know. I used to like when girls had braids.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Big four big girls, though. Big girls also. So they were like. They were big and like.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I like a black girl with pigtails and then I like that.

[Chris]

I don't see that. That's not a thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they're called children.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I like these little kid games too. What's this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Freak a girl.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Chris]

But.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But Kevin, we brought these three girls back. Or I should say he probably did, ultimately.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then. And then him and the one just like. He's like, all right. He goes, oh, no, we were playing truth or dare is what it got. And Kev is me, of course. He goes. He goes, you know. Damn. When you pull my dick out.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was like, all right. I go, kevin, dare to pull your dick. And he's like, oh, dude. All right, man.

[Chris]

Wait, was it. Did you have seconds? Like 30 seconds or just pull your dick out?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it must probably for a time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, no, there is. There always is a time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Chris]

You're like, I need you to give him a kiss for a third tongue kiss. Yeah, for a minute.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you're hoping that just gets her so riled up she just grabs his dick out.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then it's on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But that's a five foot three guy. Five foot two, five foot three with a huge dick. Pulling his dick out. Cause then he just didn't ask me. He goes, let me return that favor to my boy Jay. Pull your dick out. And I was like, come on, man. What are we doing here, dude? This is stupid. This is what we do.

[Chris]

Yeah, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

You just go to Truth.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then he went in the bathroom with the chick. And I mean, he was just giving her the biz nass. I mean, she was making so much positive noise. And I'm sitting there with these two big girls out in the other room. And I said, I know the timing of this. The Matrix had come out and it just came on hbo. It was starting hbo. And this is like a Saturday night. And it was getting. We're probably getting the midnight replay of, like, the premiere of Matrix, which. And I always said about that movie, what I. I liked it a lot. But what I hated was when it came out that everywhere you go, fucking idiots were like. Makes you think, right? It's kind of like, what doesn't it make you think?

[Chris]

People still bring that shit up now, of course. Red pill or blue? Like, I hear that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course. It's all the. Yeah, it's like all the rage with political talk even, is that. But those two girls were like. They were like, what do you want to do now? And I was just like, have you not seen the Matrix? Like, this is crazy. It makes you think. Like, I still look into it. I just didn't want to.

[Chris]

You gotta be a tough spot to hear your boy fucking. And then that happened to me once. My boy was tearing something up in the bathroom and I was. I lost confidence hearing that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're like, oh, hey, miss, you're not gonna make those kind of noises.

[Chris]

Yeah, I lost all the confidence. We didn't do anything. I was just like, dam. You could just almost see her wanting to be in there with them.

[Adrian]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Being the fucking other women.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's nothing worse than being in a room with a guy with a huge dick. I remember me and Sherrod hooked up with a flight attendant, and I was in the hot tub with her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was fine, my dick was fine, everything. We were having a good time. And then Sherrod walk in just naked, smoking a joint, and we both went, oh, my God. And she literally, like, kicked me over to, like, make room for his hog in this hot tub.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Keith and Kev had. Keith and Kev had that one time. Like, the girl that was with Kev, like, the girl was with Keith, heard, like, Kev, like, delivering power next to the other bed. And Keith said, like, his chick was just home and she's going like. And he was like, go on.

[Chris]

This girl wanted another.

[Bobby Kelly]

I remember after Sherrod was done with her, I was. I actually just bailed out of it because it was just too much. And she. She was done. And then she was on the couch and she saw me just kind of sitting over by the bar, and she went, come here. And she got on all fours and then she goes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She goes, give me your little dick to get this out of my teeth real quick.

[Bobby Kelly]

She goes, go ahead. And I just remember her pussy Looked like it was inverted from his cock. And I went, I'm good, thanks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She goes, hey, can you stitch this up?

[Chris]

I started to learn, though. Like, I knew my trick. I knew I had to eat box to get it going. Like, I would just go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the move.

[Chris]

Like, if I'm dealing with them. Like, all right, let me start. I'll start this way while they're, you know, fucking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want you to come 73 times from me eating your pussy.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to make you come so many times my dick seems huge.

[Chris]

Slide in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He just goes, like, doesn't matter how big it is. Like, I've come too much.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

He's not in there eating her pussy, is he?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I bet Kevin Hart has terrible eating pussy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Kevin's never eating pussy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why, Woody? Why the fuck, Woody?

[Bobby Kelly]

We're professionals.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What was. Me and Kareem Green hooked up with two really pretty black chicks. And it was girls he knew, and he had them come over. And it was that thing, and it was just. It just got past the point. Like, at first. Cause there was four of us. It kind of started that way. Like, everyone was kind of doing their own thing. And then there was, like, a point where I think one girl was, like, blowing him, and then the other girl was eating that girl out.

[Chris]

Oh, damn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I went behind the girl, and I'd already hooked up with her. Like, we'd already been hooking up a little bit, but, like, once the focus turned. So, like, they were having a threesome almost. I remember getting behind the girl and, like, I forget if I touched her, whatever it was from behind, she just went. Like. She stopped eating pussy to go. She goes, I'm good. And I went, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm good, too. And I just milled around.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're like a waitress with. You're like a waitress with water. Do you want more water? I'm good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I milled around. She went, I'm good.

[Adrian]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was just making sure you had some wind.

[Chris]

Oh, man. That's.

[Bobby Kelly]

What did you. What did you do after that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I left my own hotel room. Walking around. I've left my own hotel room a number of times.

[Reggie Conquest]

What happened with Mind if I Joined the Party?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mind if I Joined the Party? That was Dave Smith. Smith. I left. Left him in a room with the girl. She was just weird in general. Yeah. A couple times I've had to go. And then there was the. This is funny. Like, oh, I don't know if I should, because it's gonna be a Story on story wars tonight.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, don't say it. No, you can say it. Nobody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Doesn't really matter.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nobody's listening.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, the crossover of it.

[Reggie Conquest]

But I think anybody's gonna text during the show to blow up. They'd have to, like. They'd have to, like, message Lewis during.

[Bobby Kelly]

The show, that is.

[Chris]

Yeah, but I had one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had one. It was. It was so Scotty, I think I made tell us on this show recently, but it was me, Josh Wade, maybe our friend Travis and Derosa.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a lot of guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Well, we were in a hotel. I had two hotel rooms. One was for me. I was like, headlining the gig, and I brought those guys. It was the Crowne Plaza down in Rascals, New Jersey. Remember that? Used to be a Rascals down there in Cherry Hill. And we were all in the hotel. We were all. My hotel room and the other hotel room. And we bring these three girls back. There's four of us. And I think I'm hitting off the one, by the way, the least attractive, heaviest one. But I'm like, this one's locked in, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This one's locked in.

[Reggie Conquest]

She's mine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This one's locked in for sure.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And the other guy is the. Josh Wade is the guy who got the girl. So like, he kind of. There was already a girl who, like, he was the hottest one, was like, he was kind of hooking up with. And then Travis, and there was just like, this one floater, this one that was the big girl. And I was like, but this is locked in. But now it's awkward because in my mind, I'm like, derose is left out.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was like. But like, someone's like, it's getting late. Like, we gotta fucking get to it. Let's go. Like, we gotta kind of figure out what's going on. So I. We're kind of saying to this girl, like, well, I mean, we can't all hang out. Like, who should go? You know, we're almost gonna. I'm. I'm confidently doing this. I'm like, she's gonna say Joe at some point.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Has to go. She's like, I don't want to say. I feel bad. So I go, well, listen, write down who you want to stay. And then the other person will go, no, Heartfields. We're all fucking adults. And she goes, okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

And she writes, I just spell J, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She wrote on the paper and put. I grabbed it. I was so happy. I couldn't wait to read it fast enough. I'M like, let's get Joe the fuck out of here. And I look at the thing, and I go. And it says, Joe. And I remember going. I went, and this is who you want to stay? She's like. And I was like, yeah. And then. And of course then the guys are.

[Chris]

Like, no, no, dude, dude, dude, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, just.

[Chris]

They'll stay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everyone's hanging out. We're having a good time. And I'm like, no, those guys is fucking totally cool.

[Chris]

I like this. Wait, so they were.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This. Before laptops. I went to that room and had to watch, like, coach on USA for, like, two hours, waiting for my friends to stop fucking.

[Chris]

So they were.

[Bobby Kelly]

They were.

[Chris]

They were. You were the headliner. So you brought those guys?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep. So I went into their. I went. I went into their room. I got sent off to their room because everyone was going down to my room.

[Bobby Kelly]

You had to go to the double bedroom.

[Chris]

That. That shit happened to me. The road. I brought a comic. I was headlining. And then he got. You're just like, I'm never bringing you again.

[Bobby Kelly]

That used to happen with me and Stobby all the time. I took him on tour, and I thought every night he had. And I was just back in the room having tea by myself.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, and you're like, hey, when you're done, if you want to watch a movie or something. I do that on the road. People, they go off just hanging out later.

[Chris]

So you had a good time? They're like, yeah. They're not even worried about how many.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Times are the openers. And people around, like, I guess not that many times, but, like, Dylan's like, a young guy through the last couple years, but he's like, no, no, do your thing. But, you know, if you come back, like, I'll probably still be watching TV if you want to smoke a joint or get some food or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I have Oreos. I don't know if you might be angry with that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if you saw, but the marketplace has full sleeves of Oreos. Not just, like, the four pack, like the box. Like the half box.

[Chris]

So if anyone needs me, the I'm good is crazy. That's a hurt piece.

[Bobby Kelly]

That just sucks.

[Chris]

I'm good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She turned right around, but that was the best. Patrice. I mean, Patrice.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's polite.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. I'm good.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm good.

[Chris]

I'm good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was one of Kareem's greatest moments. Listen, the fact that it. That it happened at all. Me and Kareem have two stories. Hooking up with Chicks. That's like. It was all him and his game. He called these two girls, and he was like, hey, my boy, we're in Maryland. He goes, me and my boy are here. Got a hotel room, just fucking hanging out. One, like, fucking party. Figure you guys come by, hook up or whatever. He was like, pretty blunt. And I hear right away he's going. He's like, yeah, right over in Laurel, Maryland. Yeah, yeah, this hotel. It's like, cool. All right, good. We'll see you in an hour. And he hangs up. And I was like, so? They're just like. He's like, yeah, they're coming. He's like, these girls are good. They come to fucking hang. And I'm like, did you tell. You didn't tell him I was white? And he goes, so? And I went, I think it's beautiful that you feel that way, Kareem, but, like, let's just call back and tell him, worst case scenario, you know?

[Chris]

I mean.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he goes, okay. And he calls them back, and he goes. He goes, hey, my boy wanted me to tell you guys, by the way, that he's white. Huh? Oh, come on. No, stop that shit. Come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I see him. I hear him, like, convincing them. And then he. His last sentence. He would tell you this right now. If you call him today. We always talk.

[Bobby Kelly]

She went like this. I'm good, probably.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She did eventually, yeah. But she goes, but he's saying all this stuff, and then I can see they're. They're turning. They're like, nah, I don't think we're all right. We're good. And then he says. He goes, what did Martin Luther King die for? And we. And they came over and I. One for a little bit before she said, I'm good.

[Bobby Kelly]

She did it for unity.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Kareem went for it, man. The other one was, we took a girl back to a Howard Johnson's.

[Chris]

Howard Johnson's?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's that Motel that guy's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Civil rights are into fucking. Fucking you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

True that. That was another Kareem. We brought this girl back from a bar. We met this black chick, and she was like. And we go. We get this hotel room. It's shitty, two beds, and him and her are sitting on the one bed. I'm just. I'm like, I'm such a good. Obvious, like, hey, let me know if I should hang or leave, you know? And Kareem just keeps, like, whispering in her ear. And she goes, he whispers stuff in her ear. And she goes, huh? She goes, oh, yeah, I saw that coming. And I'm like, oh, he presented it. He presented it. And she goes, well, just none of y' all try to put it in my ass. And I was like, oh, we're in. And I jumped in it. And I was like, damn, Kareem's good.

[Chris]

Wait, were you, were you bigger? Were you bigger back. Back in the day?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

And the black girl, because I feel like black girls are nicer to white guys back then. Like you, because you, you were in this black space and they're more likely to fuck you because you're the only white guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, there's these scenarios, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

If they would have the, the black knight at the Boston Comedy Club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, if they would have seen me do like my thing, that wouldn't have been such a weird situation. It wasn't. I was just the white guy in the situation. Everybody. Have you noticed that everywhere you go, it seems like prices are going up? They keep saying it. The grocery store, your cars, your appliances, everything is through the roof right now. Wouldn't it be nice if prices would go down? Well, at Metro, they've got your back. They've lowered their prices and are giving you a five year price guarantee on talk, text and data. One line now 20% lower. Family plans also lowered and you also get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required and no activation fees. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store, Visit metro by t-mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number. Not available if currently at T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guarantee covers monthly price of on network, talk, text and 5G data for customers activating on eligible plan exclusions. Apply details at metro by t-mobile.com youm know running a business is hard enough, so why make it harder? With a dozen different apps that don't talk to each other. One for sales, another for inventory, a separate one for accounting. Before you know it, you're drowning in software. Instead of growing your business, this is where Odoo comes in. Odoo is the only business software you'll ever need. It's an all in one, fully integrated platform that handles everything. CRM, accounting, inventory, E commerce, hr, and so much more. No more app overload, no more juggling logins. Just one seamless system that makes work easier. And the best part, Odoo replaces multiple expensive platforms for a fraction of the cost it's built to grow with your business, whether you're just starting out or already scaling up. Plus, it's easy to Use customizable and designed to streamline your every process so you can focus on what really matters running your business. Thousands of businesses have made the switch so why not you try Odoo for [e-mail] that's o d o o.com they.

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[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, I had to show them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I was just talking about.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I was just kind of rude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I was just the white. But I was the white guy. But I was just the white guy in those situations. It wasn't doing. If I did comedy, it would have been a little bit of a difference. I feel like they came back like the. The Kevin stories are girls that saw us do. But like, you know, one year in comedy.

[Bobby Kelly]

You look like a sandwich influencer. Hey Joey.

[Chris]

I look like le.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, well, come in and get a gooba got.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, they made me. I had other clothes.

[Chris]

I know, but this is a. This one. This is young, cool, Philly white J. Oh, for sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But this is also why I'm wearing. That is. That's made. They made you wear. I wore. I had a button down shirt with everything else that I was wearing.

[Chris]

Oh, okay, okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like they didn't make him wear that leather bracelet from he man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, but the leather bracelet. But that bracelet did go with my shirt.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, with the original shirt.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They just made me wear this. Cause they're. You have to wear Shawn John.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was that a blood pressure bracelet?

[Chris]

Bad boys. Oh, I'm gonna watch this when I get home.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll tell you what though. Can I say something about you even when you were big, that you were kind of still adorable? You're a little fit. Look how adorable you fit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was boyish. I was boyish. Yeah, you really? Were I also. This has been my problem with body hair and facial hair in my whole life. Everything was too fat for it to connect. So everything looks patchy.

[Chris]

Yo. I think that's. I think I go through that. Like, my beard doesn't conn connect. It's like right here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But if you lose weight, it'll come together. Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

It doesn't connect like right in here. I get little patches. I tried to grow a beard, but I look 97. If I grow a beard.

[Chris]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

I grew my hair out last summer and my wife was like, get it off.

[Chris]

Because I.

[Bobby Kelly]

In like two weeks I just look like a beard. I. I grew my beard and my hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, your hair's gonna look batshit.

[Chris]

Nah, the beard is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your beard's gonna look. Your hair would look nuts, dude.

[Chris]

Yeah, the hair extra crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Growing your hair and would look.

[Chris]

But nah, you got the silver fox going on. I think you. I think the silver foxes is in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

For gay guys.

[Chris]

No way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For chicks, dude, you're a zaddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I haven't had. Last night at the show, there was like four tables of girls, one row of smoking hot like 20 something year olds from Boston, which I usually have a thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

They don't. I was talking to them after the show and you know, I got a little. I got a little sling. You know what I mean?

[Chris]

What's that? Sling?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Strange.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You were telling me about your show yesterday. All you said was there was a super hot trans lady in the front row, but a cool black guy comes in the studio. All of a sudden there was tables of hot chicks.

[Bobby Kelly]

There was a lot. There was like a lot of. A lot of hot girls there. Yeah, there was. The trans girl was the one I liked.

[Chris]

I didn't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

They were just, you know, my friend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't know because her dick was salty.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I just know.

[Chris]

You just know?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Well, I was like, hey, he invited her. How do I know?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because on the fucking Internet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because she cost 350.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what? Because the extra hundred was for cop.

[Chris]

You did have a thing for trans, like at some point. Like, I remember doing your show at Upstairs.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never had a thing for trans. You had sometimes.

[Chris]

Sometimes? Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

The key word is sometimes.

[Chris]

When I first moved here, we did your show and you was going on about this trans girl. You gave me my first pocket pussy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bailey J. I'm sorry, what?

[Chris]

You gave me my. You gave me my first. You remember that?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm friends with a lot of trans girls.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, but you it was a. You had a lot of stuff and you gave me. Encourage. You gave Chris a dick pump.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And he gave me a pocket.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

What did you use it?

[Chris]

I did.

[Bobby Kelly]

How?

[Chris]

And. And I felt. I. I got rid of it the first time I used it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Was it a Fleshlight? Was it the Fleshlight one?

[Chris]

It was like. It was like that first one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, the flashlight. So here's the problem with it. And then tell me if I'm wrong, but I got.

[Chris]

I got rid of it. I felt like such a loser when I finished.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's when you're done because you have to clean it. It's. All of it's in there, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There was a guy in love after lockup who lived with his mom, who would fuck pocket pussies and put them in the dishwasher. And his mom would be like, oh, Devin, please. And he's like, what, ma, what am I gonna do?

[Bobby Kelly]

You know how mad dawn would be if she found a pussy in the dishwasher next to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She rather found a body in the attic.

[Chris]

I got rid of it. So I used it. I came and I was like. Like, this isn't. This isn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not good.

[Chris]

Yeah, I got rid of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta get the whole body.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, things are gonna have to be disposable. It's like razors. That's how you think about razors. What am I gonna do? Bang this thing out in the sink for a thousand hours trying to get all that hair out? I'm throwing this one out. I'll start fresh next time.

[Chris]

I was so mad Chris got that dick pump. That's what I wanted.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you? I'll get you. I have one.

[Chris]

I think I don't want one now.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I'm saying I'm sorry. You've changed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, I'll take it. I'll give it a whirl.

[Bobby Kelly]

You went to black church.

[Chris]

I'll take it. I don't want a dick pump now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll see what all the hubbub's about.

[Chris]

Yo, Chris got that. And at the time I was so mad, I was like, damn, he got the better device. He got the better dick device.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna let down a fake pussy instead of pumping my dick huge.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, the thing when you. I. I use the. The pocket pussy, whatever they call it the Fleshlight, and you have to clean it. So I was like, all right, great. You have to pull it out. But when you pull it out, it's so vacuum sealed, it sounds like you're ripping a Real vagina out of a woman. And then you have. It's such a disgusting mess.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You could also not come in it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but what are you. What are you gonna do? Pull out?

[Chris]

Oh, no. Like, I broke it in everything. Like, I just pulled it out. Like a breakdown, crash up. I, like, broke it so I could not use it again. I was so. I was so disgusted.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like pouring, like, coke on pizza. It's like, ah. I can't even.

[Chris]

I didn't have. I think that was it when I was living in Bushwick. I didn't have a window, and I was just. Just broken up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, dude. Yeah, it was. Anything when you're. Especially when you're done. That's the thing. When you're done, you're like, what if I just. What have I. What have I become?

[Chris]

What is this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who's doing this?

[Bobby Kelly]

Why is it that as soon as you're done, you realize what a hunk of you are? Something about coming where you're like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

It has like. Like some type of serenity enters your body where you're like, I never want to do this again.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then as soon as that goes away, you're like, I'm gonna do this. The next morning, you're in the trash putting it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Delete my full history. In case Christine ever knows what I'm capable of. I do that too.

[Bobby Kelly]

I delete my history every time I jerk off. God forbid Don types in Sheridan Hotel.

[Chris]

Well, you jerk off on your phone, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

I jerk off on my phone mostly. But when I want to treat myself, I do my computer.

[Chris]

What's going on? Your computer is insane.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, it's just a little hard to have technique.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm laptop.

[Chris]

I'm on my phone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, phone's good. You know what I got, though? That's better. I got the Samsung the fold so it folds open to, like, a mini iPad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, what is strange about that is that phone is simply for pornography.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He uses the other phone for everything else. That's weird.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you're absolutely. That's right. I travel with that phone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When I get to a hotel, if I'm gonna slap it at a hotel, lay on my back pillows, so I'm sort of like propped up. Then another pillow or two stack where the laptop will sit on. I will tend to type with my right hand and jerk left. And then I. I come. I bring the right hand over when I know it's this. Is it a hacker?

[Bobby Kelly]

When he jerks off, I got my.

[Chris]

Phone on My back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And I'm flipping my.

[Bobby Kelly]

Get your phone on your back.

[Chris]

I mean, I got my. I'm on my back and I got my phone and I'm like, yeah, I.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do the same thing. Most, most of the time I get. But I do.

[Chris]

But I never go on my laptop. I think that's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think what he said that kind of solved the problem is you get the pillow for the iPad. So you bring it up to computer, computer. The computer for the iPad. I mean the computer. The pillow for the computer. So your fingers are at. Because that's where I get fucked up. Where it's down there, but if it's up too low.

[Chris]

Yeah, sometimes you do. Sometimes I've. I've forgot to close out. So sometimes I'll be like, hey, we need directions. And then you go to your website.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Chris]

But I never had to delete my history though.

[Bobby Kelly]

I deleted every, every single.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think the only thing I've whacked off to on my phone would have to be like, like personal stuff though. That's. That's either been sent to me or something like that. You know, like. Like a real thing.

[Chris]

I'm just scared to go laptop porn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Porn. I. I'd go on computer all.

[Chris]

I'm scared to go on my. On my computer cuz I'm scared of like a virus or something. I don't know. Oh, I don't care.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nor vpn.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. I go on it and I play porn roulette where I just type in the X and I, you know, like X and. And a lot of times the little where I've been will come up sometimes and then I. I'll go to like a pornhub or I'll go to. And I'll just. Whatever comes up. I'll click and then scroll and click and then scroll and click. And it keeps bringing you to different genres through the. It's like a weird thing. Like all of a sudden you wind up on something fucking wild.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I like that. But the thing is I go for. It's interesting. I go to like Lobster tube or whatever.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never been to Lobster tube.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's.

[Chris]

I just use Twitter. Twitter porn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Chris]

Yeah, sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Networks.

[Chris]

That's all I use now, X.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But Lobster Tube is. Lobster tube is a. It's like one of the things where it's like. It brings everything.

[Reggie Conquest]

You look up the category.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why is it. Why lobster though? Is there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I have no.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Chris]

Oh shit. I didn't even know this was a site.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you just click. But it Gives you.

[Chris]

I don't want to. I don't want to know anyone did.

[Bobby Kelly]

This to me years ago with, I think, hamster or something. Example. That's the X. That's the X thing, I think.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but X hamster. This gives you. This gives you the responses from ex hamster. This is one of those ones. Like, you click the subject.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then you see, it's like each.

[Chris]

House now you're gonna have to watch every fucking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you see, like, each one's from E. Porner, Ex Hamster, fathouse, pornhub and all that shit. All right, so it's a. But what makes. That doesn't make me feel. This doesn't make me feel like a loser ever. Because someone decided these categories, these subcategories, I'm finding them all broken up like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's it called?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? The lobster tooth. What makes me feel like shit is when you go on, like, bing, which is a Jacob thing from years ago. Yeah, I go on Bing. And when I'm typing in the words, that's where I'm like, am I gonna end up on a watch list?

[Chris]

Oh, yeah. You type in exactly what you're looking for.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what I've learned.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hostage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Do you know a lot of these. If you type in drunk into a lot of these drunk, it gives back. It gives back. It will not. They're like, absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

They took away a lot of the search words like. Like, you can't have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like there was passed out unconscious.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can Force is gone. But you can go around it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like if you type. If you want to see, like, some type of forced. If you type in gambling debt, a lot of those are some guy going, I don't have the money. Well, now she's mine. And I mean, so, sure, sure. Yeah. You have to find a way around.

[Chris]

All right. You guys are OGs or whatever. What? I've been frustrated. How could I be wanting to. I asked Keith this. I said, yo, Because I got in trouble. You know, being too.

[Bobby Kelly]

That takes a long time. What, asking him something.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Chris]

And I asked my dad, too. I said, yo, when does the. When. When does the lust. The lust go away? Like, because I got in trouble, I cheated and I got caught or whatever. Yeah. And I was like. I was just frustrated with my horniness.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I was like, what the fuck?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think you have to get to Bobby's age.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Well, it doesn't go away. It goes away from wanting to have sex with the person you love. But when you go on the road, you want to have sex with yourself a lot, you actually get closer to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yourself, and instead of Bobby having sex, he eats strange things from around the country.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I do. I. I do go around. But here's the thing. It's not even like I want to. I don't want to have sex with other women on the road either, because that's taxing and a problem in my life. No, trans is too much. Oh, my God. But you do want to. As soon as you get to the hotel, please, you know, have a little relaxation and you'll jerk off. And that's enough. That's enough for me. Oh, yeah, for me, that's enough. What? Let me ask a question. How'd you get caught? How'd you fuck up?

[Chris]

It's being stupid. Instagram. Instagram. Instagram is a problem.

[Adrian]

Stay together.

[Bobby Kelly]

The DMS.

[Chris]

Yeah. We still together?

[Bobby Kelly]

You did the DMS?

[Chris]

DMs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Snapchat, kid.

[Chris]

No, no. Snapchat is not good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen to me. Your text, everything is gone after you see it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For children.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's no. There's no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Listen to me.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm explaining something to you. Listen.

[Chris]

I can't listen to you about Snapchat. What do you know about Snapchat?

[Bobby Kelly]

If you go to Snapchat, pay attention. The text every. Listen to me. I'm an influencer. Everything that you write or she writes disappears. The conversations don't stick around.

[Chris]

No, I know that.

[Bobby Kelly]

So when you go to dm, when you're on Instagram, that stuff sticks around. They can't take a photo on. If they take a photo, say she. You send her something.

[Chris]

You do this. You do this. You know about this.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have no idea what it is. If they listen to me. If they take a photo of it, it tells you they took a. They took a screenshot of your thing and then you like. Oh, fuck.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what you'll be. Just so you know, you'll be informed that you're fucked. Just so you know, you'll be informed that you're fucked. If they take a picture of it and it doesn't go before it goes away, you'll know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's what you do. You just got to learn to talk regular and let them talk dirty. And they'll say fucked up shit and just go, thanks and give a thumbs up. You won't get in trouble.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What'd you catch?

[Bobby Kelly]

Was it bad? Was it bad?

[Chris]

It's always bad, man. But I want some self control.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you hook up or did you? Or was it just Chatting and stuff.

[Chris]

A little bit of both, Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

A little bit of both, yeah. No pictures though, right? Oh, shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No pictures. Exclusively pictures, probably.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was it all pictures or was it some pictures? Was there any? Because I think pictures are less. Worse than texts because you saying something up hurts more.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, I think so.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Pictures. Yeah, I got some pictures.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because everybody. I get pictures from girls. I should almost see them. I don't give a.

[Chris]

Do your wife.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she's into it.

[Chris]

No, I'm about to say I didn't know this.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. But I. I. Every once in a while I'll be like, ah, this chick sent me a picture of a tits. She's like, why? I'm like, I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I got. Sometimes I have things of a girl, send a picture of her, like. Like pussy. And be like, show this to Christine. They tell you to show it to Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

They have the greatest relationship ever.

[Chris]

Yeah, I know. I. I know. I've known that through the years. Like, damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn, it frustrates me.

[Chris]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys really got it all together.

[Reggie Conquest]

Comes with its own set of issues.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. What you guys are jealous of?

[Reggie Conquest]

Promiscuity in a relationship can cause more problems sometimes for bitches.

[Bobby Kelly]

It makes me so happy.

[Chris]

If you.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you were doing a threesome and you came up behind Christine, she goes, I'm good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm good.

[Reggie Conquest]

Crying and him telling me it's because he was fat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You go, all good here, all good here.

[Reggie Conquest]

They didn't like me when I was young.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think Dawkins has to go out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, Take Dawkins out. Wow. Oh, we gotta wrap this bad boy up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gonna wrap it up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, Taylor, Dane, Reggie Conquest is going to be in. Is this thing on? Premiering in theaters in December. And is it still standing? Comedy festival in Austin, Texas, November 8th. For tickets and all tour dates, go to reg r e g g Conquest on Instagram. @ reg Conquest on Instagram.

[Bobby Kelly]

For killing it. You've been on a bunch of tv, you kill it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You get a lot of TV stuff.

[Reggie Conquest]

Video of yourself. Sex scene is one of my favorite things that's ever gone out on social media. I'm just cheering you on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you did the sex scene.

[Reggie Conquest]

Get it, Reggie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

HBO show Insecure.

[Chris]

Insecure. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're killing it, man. You're a great actor too, dude. Thank you, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go Birds. Go Sixers.

[Chris]

Go Birds. Go Sixers. Go Philly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go Philly. Philly versus everybody. Look at Bobby wearing that celtics jersey like a piece of whatever. Boston idiot.

[Chris]

Whatever.

[Bobby Kelly]

At least I didn't play Touch a freaky what is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Enjoy. Catch a girl freaky girl. God you're white.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stupidest game.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God you're painfully white.

[Bobby Kelly]

Touch a girl freaky girl Catch a girl freaky girl. Big J is going to be this weekend. You're going to be in Pasadena Friday and Saturday and then October you and are you going to go to Austin, Tampa side splitters, New Orleans Skank Fest BigJ comedy.com for all tickets and YouTube.com Big Jokerson and his them they available on pre order for vinyl is coming out. It's a beautiful album double album. Make sure you go to bigjcomedy.com to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get that that Bobby Kelly side splitters this weekend. That's right. Tampa. Get your tickets now. Thursday. Still have some tickets left Thursday through Saturday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they're adding a show. Two shows for Jay. I'm just asking you to fill the ones I already have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I will tell you they didn't add that show yet so I hope they start selling some tickets soon. Bobby's also going to be in a mas Pennsylvania, New Orleans again. Providence, Rhode Island. Punch up that live Robert Kelly and enjoy the pre record tomorrow. It's a very fun one.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was a good one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Congo day. Congo day. And then we'll catch you guys Monday. Crackle crackle.

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